#comedy via pain

[hydranomago]

Friendship = Giving each other electric shocks while singing

For the best screams, check it out [here]

The whole video is chaotic af 😂 no one survives They bought an Abs Stimulator (the censored brand name part) just for this

[yu-huuuu]

Omg! I just read your Uchiha boyfriends and how they deal with their SO's period and I loved it! Sasuke's is hilarious!

Have you seen the video of a guy's gf teaching him and walking him through tampons via a tampon and a glass of water? That's ALL I was imagining during Sasuke's...XD

So, since that would be hilarious, could I ask for headcanons with the Uchiha bfs with that in mind? Or if that's too little context, maybe the period cramp simulators with how far they go before dropping to the floor in pain/how they treat their SO after that? I love your writing, binging all you have on Tumblr rn❤️👏🏻💙💜

[ 🌸 ] Lmaaao nonnie thanks and love u for asking this 😂😂

characters: itachi uchiha, obito uchiha, madara uchiha, sasuke uchiha, shisui uchiha

genre: fluffy with a touch of comedy

warnings: none, mentions of intimate moments, mention of tampons, menstrual cups, vaginas you know things from month to month, menstrual simulators, pranks, adult men somewhat traumatized by their girlfriends

…

Also add menstrual cups to the mix because I'm in love with them :>

oh, i think this video is the one nonnie is talking about! (It was also the first one that appeared to me 😂) ⭐️

…

…

..

.

Itachi Uchiha

— Several things will happen at the same time.

— His mind will go blank as his face turns slightly pale.

— And his eyes will open a bit as he watches the cotton transform Sailor Moon-style.

— Except there are no sparkles and cute outfits.

— No.

— Not at all.

— There is an abominable thing the size of his entire hand floating in the water.

— Itachi won't look at you the same way, especially when you're in the bedroom during one of those intimate moments.

— Even though you already told him it was just a joke, the poor man will be worried.

— He'll look at your hole wondering if it's okay inside (I promise it's okay, Itachi 💀).

— For your own good and for his... don't show him menstrual cups.

— He now knows that the tampon doesn't deform when it's inside you.

— But you have to fold a cup to put it into your tight hole and when it's inside it just... puff returns to its original shape and... are you okay…?

— No, bad idea.

— Just no.

— Don't show it to him.

— As for the menstrual cramp simulators...

— Haha

— You like to see him suffer, don't you?

— Look, pretty woman.

— There's something called being human.

— Itachi, despite being a shinobi, is human (a very cute one, by the way).

— And Itachi, like any other human, feels every sensation he experiences throughout the day. Sometimes he feels more than you, he just doesn't show it due to his perfect control over his emotions.

— But all that control goes out the window when you turn up the power on the cramp simulator.

— He stays like this: "😨," but it's so subtle you don't know if you're imagining it. Meanwhile, the poor man feels his stomach contracting with pain until his breath catches a bit.

— Itachi is a shinobi, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel pain.

— He's used to a different kind of pain, not this one, you know?

— Poor thing.

— He won't look at you the same way after this... probably not at any woman.

— He'll drink his "respect for women" before starting or ending the day.

— He also now has some fear of touching you; sometimes you won't feel his touch completely when you're on those days (you tried to touch him to see if he was okay and all because you saw he was a bit pale, and he looked like he wasn't breathing when the simulator was at its maximum power. Don't worry, the poor guy was just too sensitive from the pain and now he thinks you get like that too, haha).

— In general, he won't change much. Well, now he brings you more sweets whenever he can and also makes bigger portions of food.

— He's also grateful to you because you've now given him a new experience and opened his eyes to topics or situations that, as a man, he never would have thought about, haha.

…

Obito Uchiha

—If your vagina is a muscle and it stretches with a tampon, does that mean you're exercising internally? (I don't think that happens, but good shower thought, Obito!)

—Pretty boy

—At first, he's very excited when you told him you wanted to show him something.

—He's like a little kid when you want to show him something.

—Except now it looks like you just told him Santa isn't real while taking away his Christmas present.

—He'll say something like: “Wait, that thing gets like that when it's inside you 😦?” while looking at the glass in horror.

—Congratulations, girl, you traumatized an innocent man, lmao.

—No, but seriously.

—Obito will now be distrustful of tampons.

—He might calm down, but then he'll get alarmed when he watches videos or reads about “how to insert a tampon in ten easy steps without pain.”

—And he'll be traumatized again when he sees how far you have to insert the tampon.

—What do you mean the string hangs out..?

—And then you have to pull it out?! Doesn't that hurt?

—Oh, don't get me started on menstrual cups.

—Just no.

—Never show your man the cups.

—No.

—Please, no.

—Just don't.

—At least he was excited when you showed him the period cramps simulator.

—The guy smiled until you turned on the device and he was just like.

—He asked you what level it was on, and when you told him it was on eight, he just said: “What do you mean eight? How many levels does it have?”

—You swear he's going to start crying thinking about all the times he had to run an errand or was called by the Hokage and had to leave you.

—He'll apologize almost crying as you increase the level.

—You can ask him what he means, but I advise you not to.

—You'll make him cry like a baby while he clings to you and apologizes for leaving you alone so many times, making you suffer all this pain *dramatic music starts playing*.

—Lmao.

—Obito will feel proud of you for facing this kind of thing every month.

—He might now say something like: “That's it, babe, fight those cramps!” while you're curled up in bed trying not to cry from the pain.

—It's not out of bad intentions, he's just trying to cheer you up the best he can, haha.

…

Madara Uchiha

—He will stare at the glass intently and then at you.

—Please do not interrupt his thoughts.

—He is imagining how the whole process happens.

—“Are you telling me that piece of cotton…”, and he can no longer continue while looking at the floating cotton.

—Just like Itachi, he won’t look at your little hole the same way.

—He will stay thoughtful, wondering if it returns to its normal form every time.

—It might kill the moment.

—Lmao.

—He might also offer his help to put a tampon in you.

—Just tell him yes.

—You will make him feel like he’s doing something important.

—With menstrual cups… mmm.

—He will congratulate you… for some reason.

—It’s not a big achievement, Madara, but we appreciate your words.

—He will look at you a little worried and at the same time proud while you fold the cup to insert it in yourself and he just…

—“That’s my woman, you can do anything, darling.”

—Uhh… yes, well,

—We’re talking about a man who grew up in a time of war, and don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he doesn’t know where the clitoris is.

—He simply doesn’t know and has no idea that the vagina is elastic, xd.

—Please explain it to him before he brags to someone about how you can handle everything.

—As for the menstrual cramps simulator:

—He is a strong man.

—Who said it would hurt him?

—Clearly, they’re out of their minds, he is Madara Uchiha.

—At least that’s what he thinks before you turn on the device.

—And he’s simply like: “What do you mean this is how you feel every month?”

—Madara is not dumb or forgetful.

—He has seen your naked body when you’re on those days.

—And suddenly it makes sense why your belly looks slightly more swollen when you’re menstruating.

—For Madara, it hurts slightly or at least that’s what he wants to imply.

—Maybe he will never tell you it hurt, but that’s okay.

—At least he took this experience as a lesson to know what else to do and how to act during those days of the month.

—“Madara, darling… why are there many more pillows on the bed?” “They’re for you to be more comfortable.”

—Poor man.

—At least he’s trying!

…

Sasuke Uchiha

—His worst enemy has returned.

—The tampons *dramatic music plays*.

—Ok, no.

—Anyway.

—You're so cruel, girl.

—He swears he'll burn all the tampons in the world while looking at the abominable thing floating in the water.

—He's like...

—Do you put that thing inside and it enlarge…?

—On the outside, his face will remain moderately calm (I'm joking, he already looks disturbed), but on the inside, his face is like: “💀”.

—Even if you tell him it's a joke, he won't shake that image from his head.

—For a whole week, he thought your vagina was filled with tiny cotton residues for some reason.

—Until you explained that was impossible.

—(He still thinks that to this day). Anyway!

—Ehh, cups...! They're fun and comfortable things!

—Until you see them from a man's perspective and things change.

—No, please, no.

—He can't imagine a CUP inside you.

—Out of curiosity, he looked up menstrual cups on the internet and now swears he'd burn menstrual cups too if he could (cups can't hurt you, Sasuke).

—Anyway.

—As for the simulators...

—He might refuse at first until he starts thinking about how he could benefit from this (you know, new knowledge, more power).

—So he decides to put himself in his girl's shoes to see the whole picture.

—He began to regret it when you raised the intensity to seven.

—His face might turn pale when you explain that some menstrual cramps feel like labor pains.

—He'll stare at the highest intensity level wondering if he's ready for that.

—Spoiler: he wasn't.

—At least now he buys you more ice cream and makes you hot chocolate with marshmallows on top, even though he hates the smell of chocolate.

—He'll also start reading more about the female body, looking for ways and methods to make it hurt less.

—So it's likely he'll now regulate the amount of black foods and drinks you consume (you know: chocolate, coffee, cola, etc.), all because he read in a study that black-colored beverages and foods are a key factor in intensifying cramps during the period.

—Good luck with your boyfriend being more protective than ever ;)

…

Shisui Uchiha:

—"Do you want to show me something...? Sure! What is it?" he'll ask with the most innocent and soft voice, that you'll wonder if it's too cruel to play this prank on him.

—Poor guy.

—You do it anyway.

—Lmao, I think there's no emoji that describes the face he made in those moments.

—When he composes himself, he'll be torn between looking at you and the glass container.

—Because gosh.

—Does that thING really react like that when it's inside you?

—Before, he was fine with seeing you use them.

—He knows it's much more comfortable for you, but now that he sees it in the container...

—He doesn't know what to think.

—The guy is still terrified.

—Poor thing, his soul left his body and greeted God before returning to you.

—He might laugh a little when you tell him it's a joke while trying to act normal.

—But eventually his imagination will fly and he'll start thinking: "What if it gets stuck?" "What if the string breaks?" (It's impossible for that to happen, Shisui).

—Of course, he's a smart guy.

—He'll practically run to investigate more about tampons until his mind is at ease.

—But accidentally he saw menstrual cups and...

—"What do you mean cups are also inserted?" he half yelled into nothing.

—Oops.

—You'll have to explain.

—"Cups are friends, not enemies, Shisui..." "But what if it gets stuck?"

—You swear he's about to cry.

—Luckily!

—He'll get over it in a few days (it lasted a week and another while he tried to recap what happened, and the new information).

—The cramp simulator is great.

—It can last quite a while, you know, smiling and looking handsome as always, until you raise it to maximum power.

—You think you broke something when suddenly it falls and you think you killed it.

—Oh.

—Don't worry!

—He's just suffering and recapping how all of this happened, also about all the pain you go through month after month and... Oh, is that an angel...? (No, Shisui, it's your girlfriend trying to motivate you to get up).

—Well.

—At the end of the day he thinks the same as Itachi; you've shown him the other side of the coin and he's grateful for that.

—He'll also be much gentler with you during these days of the month.

—And for some reason, if he finds out that Sasuke is not in favor of tampons and cups, they may secretly start a group against those things or something similar, it's also possible that they'll drag Itachi by force.

—Lmao.

lmao, guess who search and watch videos about how to put tampons in her for the first time... and it didn't work 😭

[catflowerqueen]

Flower language probably was very important to the Island, actually, considering that in their culture it was perfectly acceptable to give flowers to enemies just as much as friends. So they probably did regularly go to the florist to ask for a bouquet that sent specifically tailored insults to the recipient via which flowers were included.

...It was probably also a lot easier to do stealth insults/commit an accidental faux pas due to the limitations with the shades they have to work with, considering some of the flower language comes down to the color. A red rose having a slightly different meaning to a yellow rose, for example.

Perhaps they could do something with leaves, thorns, or roots, in those cases? Assuming that's not already part of flower language.

...Imagine Siffrin only giving the King the flower because they remember just enough of the flower language to recognize that the species the bright flower is was only used to say, basically, "I hate you and hope you die a painful death." So of course he would never give one to a family member!

Compulsory sad miscommunications down the line if Siffrin and Isabeau ever get together where Isabeau accidentally gives Siffrin a bouquet that translates to "I want to break up," or Isabeau is sad that Siffrin never gets him flowers (because Siffrin is either taking their time to search for the perfect ones that please his poetic heart or because the only ones available in their location have negative connotations).

Also compulsory comedy ones where Isabeau accidentally proposes via bouquet or sends one filled with accidental innuendo that makes Siffrin blush and stammer about being flattered but definitely NOT interested in THAT sort of thing.

[flameswallower]

THE BEST FICTION I ENCOUNTERED IN THE SECOND HALF OF 2024!!!

A much longer follow-up to this post. (Can you imagine how much I'd need to type out if I hadn't split them up???)

Once again, I'm not listing movies, TV shows, video games, etc. I AM listing some web fiction and comics/graphic novels, because I feel much more qualified to judge and recommend those things.

____

Novels and Novellas!

Failure To Comply, by Cavar (2024): Reading Cavar’s Failure to Comply, I couldn’t help but think of the recent David Cronenberg movie Crimes of the Future. Both deal with dystopias in which bodies and their modification are strictly regulated, and people with unauthorized bodies form a vibrant, perpetually imperiled subculture on the margins. Both use this conceit to speak metaphorically about the plights of trans and disabled people, although Failure to Comply’s characters are also presented as literally, textually disabled and trans. But, although Crimes of the Future is often accused of being a “weird movie,” Failure to Comply is undeniably much, much weirder. Cronenberg is super normal compared to this.

Maej, by Dale Stromberg (2024): a doorstopper I found difficult to put down and finished inside a week; a work of very unapologetic genre fiction that’s equally unapologetic in its intelligence and dedication to doing strange, creative things with language; a high fantasy story I actually liked. The setting is the city of Sforre-Yomn, in the country of Hwoama, whose culture combines elements from across the continents of Asia and Europe. But Hwoama is matriarchal: men are subordinate to women, who dominate politics, business, the military, and nearly all other professions. As a result of this fact, almost all the major characters in the novel are female. By turns this presents a fun, simple, mischievous inversion of maleness as the unmarked default state for fictional characters, and meaty commentary on the social construction of sex, sexuality, and gender. Stromberg has cited Le Guin as an influence on Maej and, in the most complimentary way possible, this influence is evident.

Lote, by Shola von Reinhold (2020) is a gorgeous, funny, moving academic satire/mystery and love letter to Black modernism. It’s also very queer/trans and (in my personal opinion, perhaps not intentionally) very autistic. The title refers to a possibly-mythical clandestine circle of artists/magic practitioners who style themselves after the lotus eaters and seek transcendence via experiences of sensory and aesthetic pleasure. As with many novels that stand out to me, you won’t read anything else like it. I especially recommend this one if you want a completely unique, intellectually stimulating work of fiction, but are put off by the aggressively experimental and opaque style of Failure To Comply and by the SFF-ness of FTC, Maej, and Leech.

Walking Practice, by Dolki Min (trans. Victoria Caudle) (original 2022; English translation 2024) is a breezy, sexy *, gender-bending Korean novel about a poor amorphous space alien stranded on Earth after a spaceship crash. Unfortunately for us, this alien soon discovers that 1.) the most suitable food for it down here is human flesh, and 2.) with a lot of pain and effort, it can squeeze itself into the likeness of a variety of different human beings. It figures out hookup apps pretty fast, too, and then it’s off to the races. This may sound like creature horror, but it plays more as an exploration of identity and humanity, and a satire of sex, romance, and contemporary hookup culture. (*possibly less sexy if you don’t have a vore/cannibalism/consumption thing)

Love/Aggression, by June Martin (2024) is a BANANAS mundane fantasy-comedy about two trans women who are kind of best friends, and kind of enemies. Zoe (actress) is an arrogant, cartoonishly unpleasant minor celebrity who thinks she’s much more famous and popular than she actually is— but Martin manages to show how her personality is in part the sympathetic result of dysphoria and experiencing a lot of transmisogyny over the course of her life, and how she used to be a much kinder person before fame went to her head. Meanwhile, Lily (freeloader and aspiring tattoo artist) is a sweet, spacy, passive daydreamer, and a far more immediately likable character— but Martin manages to show how she is not entirely blameless in the ongoing drama with Zoe, how her passivity is sometimes the result of immaturity and selfishness, and how even when it isn’t, it’s a character flaw that keeps landing her in situations which kind of suck for all parties involved. They live in a magical Pittsburgh that is, conveniently, located right next to Los Angeles. Their friends include a BDSM cult leader and a nonbinary person whose name becomes “Dicks” in the first chapter of the story and who is never called anything else. (This character also happens to be the…owner? Custodian?…of an infinite, maze-like, reality-distorting building that is probably the most fun and least scary infinite, maze-like, reality-distorting building in all of fiction.) There’s vore in this one, too! But don’t go in expecting a particularly cohesive plot: Love/Aggression is far more about characters, relationships, and gags.

Maybe the Moon, by Armistead Maupin (1992) was inspired by the too-brief life of Maupin’s real friend Tamara De Treaux, a little person who depicted the title character in parts of the movie E.T. Her literary equivalent, Cady Roth, is a sardonic, fashionable, thirty-year-old little person who depicted a magical gnome called Mr. Woods in a beloved, albeit treacly, children’s fantasy movie of the same name. But since she played the role inside a thick rubber suit, and since the director of the movie felt it would spoil the magic to give her any credit, almost nobody knows that. Ten years later, she lives in obscurity on dwindling funds and struggles to find work…until, out of sheer desperation, she decides to take a job with a troupe of children’s birthday party entertainers. Romance, escapades, etc. ensue. Both a very funny book and a very sad one; it’s quite frank about death, about the ways Hollywood fucks people over, about the many ways that, especially if you’re marginalized and/or an artist, your life isn’t fair and isn’t ever going to be fair and “happy endings” probably aren’t what the world has in store for you. I think ultimately it’s sentimental in a good way; it has a big heart.

Leech, by Hiron Ennes (2022) is a total banger to finish out this year with! So glad I picked it up finally! Absolute genre jambalaya, this one: sci-fi, stuff that reads as fantasy despite having or probably having a “sci-fi” explanation, horror, Gothic novel (but not, crucially, a Gothic romance), mystery, medical thriller, character study, philosophical novel about ideas of consciousness, selfhood, individuality, and free will…there’s probably something in here for everyone reading this. You’ll love it, almost guaranteed, if you love the Gormenghast books. You’ll love it, almost guaranteed, if you love any Star Trek series. You’ll love it, almost guaranteed, if you love the science fiction of Peter Watts, or the horror of Gretchen Felker-Martin. You’ll love it, almost guaranteed, if you love The Thing (1982). The prose is lush, idiosyncratic, a bit purple, but it’s nothing too baroque, it’s all perfectly easy to read. The complicated, antiheroic protagonist/narrator is delightful and memorable, and I think Ennes did a great job at conveying unusual states of memory/selfhood/cognition through it/them/her. (Some of these states are not ones with which I have, or even could possibly have ever had, real experience, but some are, and I am always pleased to find those replicated in ways I can recognize and feel as “truthful.”)

Short Story Collections!

Stone Gods (2024) and Worse Than Myself (2009) by Adam Golaski contained several of the very best short stories I read this year— especially Worse Than Myself, which is also a slightly more accessible/“normal” story collection and the one I’d recommend starting with. Golaski writes eerie, dreamlike, bizarre fiction that frequently crosses over into horror— even including time-worn horror genre tropes like zombies, ghosts, and vampires. But let me tell you, Golaski’s “The Man From the Peak” (in Worse Than Myself) is a BAD time, like give-you-nightmares scary, and it feels like nothing you’ve ever read before, even though it’s about A Nosferatu. Not just a vampire, but a vampire that is explicitly described as egg-bald with big pointy ears and two sharp buck teeth. That’s the antagonist. And it fucking works. He makes it new. Please, please read Adam Golaski, you guys. It is astounding and unjust that he’s not popularly regarded as one of the 21st century’s best authors of weird short fiction. I don’t actually know if he could have/wanted to publish more than two collections over fifteen years, but I kind of feel like maybe if a lot of people and public libraries buy those two collections, he’ll have more space and incentive to write short stories, and/or more publishers will be interested in picking up another collection of his short stories?

Brave New Weird vol. 2 (2024) was a diverse, entertaining selection of stories. Some I’d read, some I hadn’t. A pretty good overview of the mostly small press horror/sci-fi/Weird fiction scene as it stands right this minute.

All Your Friends Are Here, by M. Shaw (2024) is almost the opposite of the Golaski collections, in a way: Golaski frequently deals with themes of nostalgia, the past, cycles that repeat without end, and timelessness or being outside of time. Moreover, most of his stories feel like they’d be immediately comprehensible to a person fifty years ago or fifty years from now, if not even further into the past/future (with, perhaps, a few footnotes of cultural explanation). But Shaw’s stories are, often aggressively, Of The Moment. And that’s not a bad thing, even if it means they may seem completely dated in a few decades. Shaw is interested in speaking directly to their place and time; directly to us. They’re not going to pretend we’re not all online, that we don’t all know (if against our will) what Ready Player One is— the longest piece in the collection, and one of the best, is a suitably pop-culture-reference-laden dunk/riff/spoof on, and rebuttal of, Ready Player One! These stories are angry and clever and sometimes suffused with a kind of exhausted tenderness. There’s clearly a Bizarro influence on some of Shaw’s work, but their writing is more sophisticated and restrained than what I tend to associate with Bizarro fiction proper.

Individual Short Stories (That You Can Read Right Now!)

“EGREGORE” by Samir Sirk Morató (2024) = clubbing, hallucinatory, girl on girl

“The Spindle Of Necessity” by B. Pladek (2024) = trans academic suspects dead author may have been a closeted gay trans man

“A History of the Avodion Through Five Artists” by Eric Horwitz (2024) = Borgesian, arch, Jewish

“Mad Studies” by Cavar (2024) = loneliness, cats, autism…like Failure To Comply, this is by @librarycards

“Alabama Circus Punk” by Thomas Ha (2024) = robots, the nuclear family, disintegrating language

Comics and Graphic Novels!

Tomorrow You Don't Know Me, by Raven Lyn Clemens (2024) is a subtle, moving, and unsentimental graphic novel about being a middle schooler with problems, and how sometimes those problems just kinda...persist no matter what you do or try or want, and no matter if it's fair. Even if you summon a demon to help you! Clemens is really skilled at depicting emotion visually, at communicating both the absurd goofiness and the deep, genuine pain of the outsize negative emotions her characters experience. All of her characters are at least a little wretched, and she also handles them all with great compassion, affection, and understanding. Check out her artwork at @ravenlynclemens please; it's fantastic cartooning even without any detailed narrative.

In Fair Verona, by Val Wise (2024) is a VERY gory, VERY nasty piece of lesbian Gothic fantasy horror-erotica. I love Wise's art. The bodies she draws, regardless of gender and build, are top-tier sexy and beautiful to me, which means he's often able to get me on board* with kinks and scenarios that would usually be too "extreme" for my taste. (*Genteel euphemism for arousal)

A Guest In the House, by E.M Carroll (2023) is an equally nasty and mean, but far, FAR less explicit and bizarre, lesbian Gothic horror story, told with the visual panache and inimitable art style everyone knows and loves Carroll for. It's a worthy successor to their previous material, and if it doesn't necessarily make enormous leaps from their earlier work in its writing, the drawing and coloring has gone from "already really good" to "some of these splash pages will blow your eyes out the back of your skull."

Expiry Date, by Sloane Hong (2024) is another lesbian/queer erotica comic. This one's science fiction, and is FAR more up my usual alley of kinks. Which is to say that the lovers are quite kind/polite with one another (in a lot of ways it reads as a meet-cute), but also one of them is a hired killer who dispassionately agrees to torture the fuck out of the other one David Cronenberg-style.

Once again, all my comic recs are by queer trans people! I think I made a pretty hacky joke last year about gay trans mascs specifically ruling in this field, but based on recent data, you just have to be a marginalized gender and not heterosexual to make amazing comics.

Web Fiction!

The Frenzy wiki is a fan wiki for an imagined TV series, telling the story of both Frenzy, a popular late 2000s ensemble cast drama-adventure-SFF show drawing equally from the likes of Twin Peaks and Supernatural, and how the existence of this show was mysteriously wiped from the face of our reality-- save in the troubled dreams of a select few. I would estimate it takes a couple hours to explore the whole wiki. (2022 or 2023?)

3D Workers Island is the phenomenal, if less ambitious, follow-up to Petscop. (I don't mean it's a sequel; it's just by the same guy and covers similar thematic ground.) Like its predecessor, it's more about dropping tantalizing hints than letting you in on "what's actually going on," and more about giving you a creeped out and vaguely depressed feeling than about scaring or shocking you per se. It's really smart and well-crafted in an understated way, and does a great job replicating early internet content. I would estimate it takes WELL under an hour to get through this story, although you will probably want to immediately go back and look for things you might have missed or not understood properly. (2024)

Martin's Movies is conventional, compared to the other two. It's a ghost story. But it's a very creepy, effective, well-told ghost story rendered through the unusual medium of letterboxd reviews (of course, these become increasingly diary-like and Not About The Film as the story progresses). I would estimate it takes under an hour to read the whole thing, it's like short novelette length. (2024)

[elancholia]

In Early Modern China's nearest attempt at writing a Rick and Morty episode, the lads visit an all-female kingdom and get boypreggers by guzzling from the wrong stream. Luckily,

I see we're leaving nothing to chance here.

Pilgrim Sun suggests that the births, if unaverted, will take place via a painful tearing-open of the armpit, of all places. Journey to the West Research compares the chapter to an episode from the Mahabharata (in which a king mistakenly drinks holy water intended to give his wife a son) and the choice of birth canal to stories of the legendary sages tearing open their mothers on the way out. Compare and contrast.

Oddly, it's sort of unclear why Western Liang is like this. It doesn't seem like a matter of policy, they're not Amazons and they're practically exhilarated to lay eyes upon our boys. Yes, it's a "male-undoing mountain", but there's no other indication that either the stream itself or the women are sex-selective.

As far as I can tell, this place exists so that Tripitaka can refuse to have sex with the most desperate queen alive — certainly a betrayal of his cicada namesake, but a chance to demonstrate his extreme commitment to virtuous celibacy and family-renunciation while playing his general meekness for laughs.

All that notwithstanding, I think the kingdom and its inhabitants are treated with remarkable respect. Yes, yes, they're desperate for the yang, clearly, but it's also a normal, functioning kingdom of impressive wealth. It has women officials who fulfill all the usual functions of a Sinosphere state, and their capacity to do so is not really commented upon or made ridiculous, at least not in any way that's legible to me. It's just that their entire society temporarily reorganizes itself around getting their superlatively beautiful queen into bed with a shy, celibate monk who needs and wants nothing more than to have his passport* stamped. They want him to stay, marry, and be king. He is defined by compulsive journeying and rejection of his role as paterfamilias. Classic comedy. Compared to the Amazon mythos or Lysistrata, the whole thing actually comes across as less pathological.

*Really, it's a travel rescript — a letter presented to the local government and signed to guarantee safe passage. Securing the travel rescript is a convenient device to force the characters to interact with the weird politics of the kingdoms they pass through.

Note also that abortion is presented as an uncomplicated and uncontroversial good, but that's probably the non-Abrahamic default.

Obvious commentary on the ongoing FDA abortifacient controversy.

Fruit baskets!

Always the bloody Daoists

Fruit baskets

After their plan to get the passport signed and leave the bride at the altar flubs, Tripitaka is promptly and perhaps serendipitous kidnapped by an unrelated scorpion, but his commitment to semen retention is, once again, simply too powerful, though she tempts him with remarkable persistence and buns filled with human meat. (She ties him up at one point; I'm sure there's fanfic of these two.) Ms. Scorpion does, however, accomplish the nigh-unprecedented feat of landing blows on both Sun Wukong and Zhu Bajie in a fair fight, #feminism, before being destroyed by the Chinese equivalent of the constellation Orion (here appearing as a very large chicken).

I'm not sure what we learned from this one and I certainly don't have anything intelligent to add, but damned if it isn't funny.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

One more week of relative quiet before several new shows charge in next week to make JQL Corner hopping again. These first two shows are available via fan sub, with the second airing weekly on Gaga.

Smells Like Green Spirit

This week we immediately moved on from Mishima being assaulted to Mishima somewhat uncomfortably going along with Yumeno's advances, and being made to feel disgusting and rejected for his trouble. I find it desperately sad that Mishima has to settle for trying his best to love all these people who have harmed him; this episode reminded us that despite their current bestie status, Kirino was the ringleader who bullied Mishima from the start, and Yumeno, the only viable love interest in this show, is deeply homophobic and drawn to Mishima against his will. His visceral reaction when confronted with the realities of Mishima's body was painful. I'm glad that at least Kirino is there now to comfort his friend; the genuine friendship they've managed to build is far and away the best part of this show.

Love is Like a Poison

They're back, baby! And with a literal bang. I missed this show and its effortless comedy, which ramped up again this week as Ryo and Haruto settled into their romantic relationship with a jdrama classic trip to the onsen. I laughed out loud at nearly every scene in this episode right up until Ryo finally worked up the courage to kiss his man and initiate sex, and then remembered he still doesn't know what scam Haruto is running on him. I'm glad they're together now, couple rings and all, and hoping we'll see Haruto come clean and give them a chance to tackle whatever it is he's after together.

Chaser Game W 2

This week Itsuki and Fuyu lived out their domestic fantasies briefly until the outside world intruded in the form of homophobic parents at Tsuki's school, the evil red boss from season 1, and the return of Fuyu's mother to be awful some more. I guess we needed a villain trifecta for the finale? More importantly, Yoreum appeared via television interview to assure us she is out and thriving.

[tyrantisterror]

I'm still thinking about that fucking poor excuse of a villain song from Wish, and, like... ok so I'm thinking of two similar villain songs that feel like they're essentially doing the same thing but land a lot better with me and trying to reason out why that is, but it's almost midnight after an exhausting day at work and I don't know how well I can do that, but what the hell let's try anyway.

Ok, so, looking at The Cursed Object first, I think what it's trying to do is a humorous juxtaposition of an upbeat pop song with dark lyrics, to show the villain thinks of himself as a lovable hero while he's actually a piece of shit. We're supposed to see how the villain is a vain, self-centered monster who's willing to sacrifice anyone and everyone necessary to keep and/or increase his power, all while painting himself as a hero for doing so. I don't think it succeeds in this aim, but that's what it's trying to do, right?

When trying to think of songs that were similar, my first thought was "No One But You" from Galavant, where Magdalena, a damsel-in-distress who slowly turns into an evil queen over the course of the first season, has a bunch of conversations with her own ego via reflections of herself in mirrors, just like King Chris Pine up there. Magdalena also posits herself as the hero of her story, a woman who's faced a great deal of stress and discomfort and ultimately can't rely on anyone to save her except herself - No One But Her can solve the problems she faces. She genuinely views herself as the hero, as much as she can view anyone as a hero anyway, and the world as an enemy to be defeated, suppressed, and destroyed if necessary. And I think it works because, despite the jokes the scene is filled with, it's very clear Magdalena is a genuine threat. She's taken seriously by the scene in a way that King Chris Pine isn't - there's genuine menace here.

But perhaps I'm getting this wrong - I haven't seen Wish, and maybe King Chris Pine isn't meant to be a serious villain, but rather a comic one. His number definitely seems to rely on comedy way more, so maybe I need another angle.

Let's look at a different Galavant villain and a different villain song to go with him - "She'll Be Mine" by King Richard. King Richard is explicitly a humorous villain, a bumbling oaf who's only deadly because the feudal system decided to give him a ludicrous amount of power over people's lives by dint of his birth. He's an incompetent idiot with so much vaguely medieval fantasy land firepower at his disposal that he's actually more dangerous for it, because ultimately far more people pay for his incompetence than he ever does (in the first season, anyway). He's goofy and silly and not threatening on his own, but rather as a result of how his petulant whims will be carried out immediately and with excessive force, no matter how stupid they are.

All of that could apply to King Chris Pine from what I've gleaned from his villain song... but again, I feel it's done much more effectively with Richard's song here. It's a happy, upbeat song with wicked lyrics, just like "This Is the Thanks I Get," but the lyrics benefit from being, well... firstly, just better in general (the rhyme of "Job" and "Prob" in the Wish number causes me intense abdominal pain), but specifically by heightening the contrast of the evilness of the villain with the joyfulness of the song to a much more potent degree. The hilarious tonal disconnect between the words "I want to skewer him with swords and slowly twist them!" and the peppy way in which they're song is just delicious.

But I also think that, like with Magdalena's song, the real difference is that this song takes Richard's feelings and motivations seriously. Richard feels genuinely hurt by Galavant's very existence and how Magdalena holds Galavant in much higher esteem than him, and the song is focused on that thread. When Richard does describe his evil wishes, there's almost an innocence to it - "I'll get back to all my hobbies, like raising taxes and tormenting the poor!" - and then he switfly refocuses to his grievance with Galavant, as if he doesn't actually want to think about how his petty whims are cruel (because, as the story shows, once Richard actually thinks about his actions, he realizes they're awful and feels shame for them). He's always running away from self reflection to dwell in his grudge, and that's how he's able to stick to his villainous course while still viewing himself as in the right.

Meanwhile King Chris Pine's lyrics, in addition to just being bad ("I let you live here for free and don't even charge you rent" cool beans dude you just said the same thing twice), is so damn focused on his obvious character faults in a way that makes it clear the writers know he's a bad guy and want to relate that to the audience, but don't know how to do it without just having him say, "Yeah I'm an evil hypocrite." I don't feel I get a sense of his nuance, of how he justifies this to himself, from this song, not the way I do with Magdalena and Richard.

Though maybe I'm wrong! Maybe the difference is that I've watched Galavant several times, and can see how its songs relate to the inner workings of its characters because I have the rest of the series to point me in the right direction when analyzing them, whereas I'm just watching King Chris Pine's song in isolation without the context of the rest of the movie. Maybe to give it a truly fair shake I need to watch the whole movie.

I mean, I won't. It looks boring. But if I cared about making a good analysis, I probably would.

I don't though.

These are the posts you make when it's midnight and you're very sleep deprived.

[mixterglacia]

CONTENT WARNING: Vivziepop Critical/ Stolitz Critical below the cut.

This episode made me incredibly angry, so it's not going to be as well structured as I try to manage.

TL;DR The pacing and tone was a horrible mess, and this should have been split into at least two episodes to pull this off.

To start, we prove in the first five minutes how little these two actually know each other. They're surprised by very simple things and I don't like that. It tells me that neither of them, but especially Stolas, EVER asked about the other's interests. Cool, that's good to know I was right about that the whole time.

Blitz is WILDLY out of character in the bulk of this episode. I LOATHE how he's waiting on Stolas hand and foot. If we're being honest, he'd probably just say "figure it out yourself" and focus on his life, business, and daughter. Why are we always having to baby Stolas' feelings? It feels like he's the only one allowed to actually be doted on. (In a non-humorous way.)

And now he remembers Via? Sure, just run off without thinking about your family. You have never let that stop you before. And now Stella is being cartoonishly evil in front of her daughter? We've never had it proven that she's a bad mother. In fact, from what Via states later, that's the case! I really think they have no idea on how to be subtle with her.

In a similar vein to the moment with Blitz watching the family later. You didn't need to tell us who he was imagining in that window. The moment worked without you punching it down our throats.

Likewise with Millie's pregnancy. I wish they'd left that as an open thread, rather than taking time to fully confirm it. Like maybe all the way up to the point where she went into the bathroom and left looking a little fucked up? That way it can be an engaging thing to return to in S3.

The non-drama parts of the episode (especially the first five minutes) dragged HARD. They gutted any emotional moments and just felt like padding for the runtime.

I am so annoyed at the way this show is trying to lessen what Stolas did.

HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE. HE DESTROYED HIS FAMILY. HE ABANDONED HIS DAUGHTER. HE IS A TERRIBLE MAN WHO GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS BECAUSE THE SHOW BABIES HIM.

This is not some cute little quirk. His wife was never implied to cheat on him first. She was a bitch, but she didn't do anything to deserve this. I can't stress enough that if you showed her playing around too, it would immediately solve most of the hypocrisy with this.

Trying to weasel around that by Blitz trying to say cheating really so bad is fucking gross. It's not like they had an open relationship and Stella got jealous. Stolas is a slimeball. He doesn't deserve Blitz. He doesn't deserve Via.

He hasn't earned any of this.

While it came out of nowhere, the Via song is STELLAR. As a product of divorce, she owes her father nothing. She deserves to feel so hurt and betrayed.

"My tears won't fall upon your shoulder...I'll just get older and you'll only know my name." Hit me like a truck.

So imagine my outrage when we aren't allowed to sit and think about her feelings for more than a few seconds after the song. We aren't allowed to focus on her pain. If they staged a sequence between the number and her finding her dad's pills, I think it would work better.

Or even uploading the song by itself. But no. You have to CONSTANTLY remind us to feel bad for the stupid fucking owl. Feel bad because he's depressed. Feel bad because he's trapped in the same loveless marriage as his wife. But don't feel bad for her because she's a bitch.

Fuck. Off.

My dad was manic depressive, that doesn't mean he got to treat our family the way he did. Stolas didn't even think about her before throwing his life away over his booty call.

This show has so much potential that it just squanders. There are two different series being forced together and it doesn't work. You have the comedy series shoved into the same sweater as the soap opera. They aren't mutually exclusive, but truly the team seems incapable of making this work.

I'm done.

This isn't even fun to critique anymore.

If folks want my opinions on future Helluva Boss content, you'll have to directly ask me to watch the piece in question. I'm still going to give S2 of Hotel a shot, but as far as this?

I'm throwing in the towel. Of the two, I was so excited for Helluva. I loved the characters, I loved the idea, and I truly loved the first couple episodes.

But that show doesn't exist anymore.

Once again, I'm going to take a moment to remind you all:

You are allowed to love this series. I am just a dude on the internet. I am not trying to change your mind. I am not trying to ruin your fun. If you love it, that's awesome. I am so happy you found something that sings to your soul.

Don't let me harsh your buzz. Okay?

[telomeke]

WANDEE GOODDAY EPISODE 4

We're one third of the way through now, and in my opinion Wandee Goodday is continuing to stay one step ahead of fan expectations, feinting in one direction before swiftly jabbing toward another. The erstwhile romantic sex comedy has since left its PWOP (porn without plot) novel origins far, far behind and is now confidently punching above its weight class in the ring (yes, boxing metaphor to start things off in honor of the Phadetseuk gym 🤣).

So WDGD Ep.4 was brought to us via the kind sponsorship of the emotion jealousy – we had Yak getting the baby green-eyes at Dee's antics around Ter, so unsubtly that even clumsy Dee could suss it out:

(above) Wandee Goodday Ep.4 [1‌/4] 10.25 – Dee asks Yak point-blank at the breakfast table "Are you jealous?"

But WDGD then sprang nimbly in a different direction, shifting its emotional center of gravity when Dee started feeling the pangs of jealousy around Yak's pre-existing crush on Taem (after getting hit on the head with Kwan and Ter):

(above) Wandee Goodday Ep.4 [1‌/4] 15.42 – In answering Yak as to whether Taem would have liked Yak's declaration of love on the balcony, we see that Dee – perhaps surprising himself here – was personally moved by it too (and also a little bit crushed to feel Yak's affections directed away from him, ostensibly toward Taem)

I really wasn't expecting this change of tack – like a lot of people I'd thought WDGD would make Yak's pining after Dee the main emotional trackway for the series, but now it looks like we have Yak aching over Dee and Ter, balanced out by Dee aching over Yak and Taem. These two! 😍

Given the complexity of emotions expected of him, Great doing a Mary MacGregor in Ep.4 was a fair bit shakier and less grounded compared to his heartfelt and clear-cut yearning for Dee in weeks past. In my opinion, Yak came across as a little too carefree and unaffected for someone who should have been struggling in the cross-currents between Dee and Taem.

Maybe that's just me. Or maybe Yak is just playing things out with Taem when his heart's true calling is for Dee, and getting Dee's help to woo Taem is all part of a bigger plan to win him over? 🤔

Anyway – surprise, surprise! WDGD then began showing us Ter feeling the stirrings of something rather like jealousy when he realized (like everyone else, except for the oblivious pair themselves) that YakDee was a thing:

(above) Wandee Goodday Ep.4 [1‌/4] 7.38 – Dee and Yak bump into Ter and Kwan on their way back from buying a Thai-Chinese breakfast

Ter has been painted as very much a self-serving individual, the devil incarnate possibly (and yes, the vast majority of us clocked the number of the beast as his apartment unit):

(above) Wandee Goodday Ep.4 [1‌/4] 9.36 – Ter outside his apartment number 666, contemplating the breakfast sandwich Kwan had given him

But looking at things again – Ter's apartment number really is just a sign placed on the wall of his apartment, and part of me is wondering if we're meant to read it as a metaphor for how we can sometimes have a label on the outside, that has very little to do with the real person residing within.

As an aside, I dug around some Thai websites to see if the triple six is all that ominous in Thailand – and the findings are mixed. There are plenty of Thai language articles that actually have to inform readers about the negative connotations of the number (suggesting that its bad reputation isn't quite as entrenched in Thailand, and its Biblical sense of menace is perhaps diluted). And there are more than a couple of sources attesting that it can also be viewed positively depending on the cultural framing – see these links here and here. 🤷‍♂️

WDGD also took pains to humanize Ter in showing us how happy he was at discovering Dee had left him a food gift in the past (remembering that food = love in Thai BL shorthand), and how much he seemed to miss it compared to Kwan's gift of a breakfast sandwich.

In case you didn't notice (I didn't either the first time around) Dee's food gift of congee with pa thong ko (ปาท่องโก๋/Thai-style Chinese crullers/youtiao), that he hung on Ter's doorhandle at Ep.4 [1‌/4] 9.11, was actually the same breakfast food that Ter saw YY and Dee walking hand-in-hand back with to Dee's apartment.

This was a clear a signal as any, from Ter's point-of-view, that Dee's loving affections were now trained toward Yak instead – and you can knock me down with a feather if that isn't pain we're seeing on Ter's face at the realization of what he's lost.

So I'm not quite ready to paint Ter as the über-villain just yet (though we may have to do so later, depending on where the narrative takes us). We're being shown a character who – at least in the beginning – was living more for himself, who's possibly closeted (remembering his Ep.1 [3‌/4] 3.26 "I like girls" comment) but also going through some sort of personal awakening even as YY's presence in Dee's life stirs up feelings he might not have known he had for the latter.

Here's to hoping Ter gets a better story arc out of this, but we'll see if WDGD really has the time or inclination to go there, or will take the lazy route and dish up Ter as nothing more than a flatly-painted, unvarnished villain (not an alien concept among the less ambitious BLs).

‌

Now, I was originally going to post a bit more about WDGD's loftier thematic ambitions (there are some signs flashing, and they point to this BL having a social conscience) but I think I'll give the series more time to flesh things out to see what the final message is. But the following disparate elements coming together do seem to be telegraphing a message with an underlying, socially-driven impetus:

Director Golf's name doubling as the hospital's one;

The orthopedics and Dee's care for little Namphu;

The doctors and nurses;

The supporters on either side of the scholarship divide;

The found families.

I will probably write more on this later – unless WDGD decides not to follow through with it! But for now, I think at least part of what WDGD seems to be saying on a socio-political level is this – that those in positions of influence/authority also have a duty to serve the community under their charge.

This is the message (I think) behind Director Golf's cameo at the Café for All, in which they were both proprietor and/or manager as well as server to the customers, emphasizing how this duality of leadership and service can (and perhaps should) also go hand-in-hand:

(top) The Eclipse – Ep.4 [3‌/4] 4.31; (bottom) Wandee Goodday Ep.2 [3‌/4] 7.28

It's a particularly pointed comment, given how many politicians have been accused of using their time in government to further their own interests rather than those of the people who put them there. (And especially since Director Golf has also spent time in politics, and may well have come up against this firsthand.) Of course it's not just in Thailand where these accusations are flung about – they also get tossed around in the broader Southeast Asian context and indeed in the rest of the world as well. But perhaps it's not entirely without reason that WDGD is messaging this, at this time (see these posts/articles linked here, here, here and here – you may need to read between the lines a bit 😉).

So putting their money where their mouth is, Director Golf ended Wandee Goodday Ep.4 with a pretty groundbreaking act of service – that PSA on the importance of HPV vaccination. 👀

And aligned with Director Golf's clarion call on inclusivity (that was sounded especially loudly during their time as a politician in Parliament), we're also shown that the would-be vaccination recipients include people who look like (to me at least) a non-binary individual, a gay couple, a straight couple and a lesbian couple: 😊👍

(above) Various people at the HPV Vaccination Center – Wandee Goodday Ep.4 [4/4] 11.37

We've been spared the usual embarrassment of clunky product placements (much like The Eclipse was) that seems to plague many a GMMTV series, not that I'd really been bothered by it all that much (they're an intrinsic part of the BL cultural landscape at this point).

But Director Golf really seems to be saying: it's not just about the money anymore. BL does have influence in the wider sphere, and it should (and should be allowed to) wield that influence as a force for the public good as well. 🤩

I may be reading too much into things again (like I've done before) but at the very least, Wandee Goodday imbued with a social conscience makes me feel even better watching this already feel-good vehicle! 😍

‌

[tennessoui]

hiii i hope youre doing well <3

i've been following the hanahaki au via tumblr for a while, but i read the whole thing on ao3 yesterday and im absolutely blown away by your writing!!! i've loved the concpet of the fic ever since i first read about it on here but actually reading the story came with a whole new range of emotions. it's so beautiful and so painful and quinlan vos deserves a long long vacation after having to deal with this bullshit for so long

ahh thank you so much for saying this!!! i'm on a rather extended trip right now so i haven't had much time to think or write about the hanahaki au but i can't wait to get back to it and close out those last few chapters!! i know exactly how i want them to go too and you can bet quinlan AND my personal fave vokara che comes back into the picture for one last hurrah/scolding/space patient/space doctor confidentiality breaking

tbh, i want a buddy vacation comedy where post hanahaki au, vos goes on a long vacation after obikin get together and are fixed and perfect & he runs into vokara che at a cantina and they raise a glass in toast to how much they both suffered trying to save obi-wan kenobi's life ft anakin skywalker (and then like a murder happens they have to solve or something even though they deserve a nice long break fr)

[seiya-starsniper]

17 for the drunk confessions. I snorted out loud reading that one. 🤣🤣🤣

I can be mean and ask you to continue the SnowBaz + Dreamling fic. But I will once again leave it to you. Go wherever your brilliant mind tells you to go. 💜

17. "I’m not drunk. Can a drunk person do this?" "You’re not doing anything." "But… I sent you my love. Did you… did you not get it?"

This was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE you have no idea ahahahahaha. I did modify the prompt just a smidge for maximum comedy. And of course, I set this in the SnowBaz Human AU 💖💖💖

[Part 1 Here!]

---------------------------------

Hob isn’t sure what deity he’s pissed off to end up in his current situation, but he’s fairly certain somehow it’s all Baz Pitch’s fault.

“You’re such a greeattttt friend,” Morpheus Endless slurs right before he stumbles over a crack in the sidewalk and falls forward. Had Hob not already had his arms around the other man's shoulders, he’s certain Morpheus would have face planted right into the concrete. 

“A better friend would’ve cut you off before you got this drunk,” Hob grunts as he hefts the raven-haired man back into a somewhat upright standing position. For someone so rake-thin, Morpheus was an absolute dead-weight while plastered. He’d also been very good at faking that he had a higher tolerance when they’d gone shot for shot at The New Inn to celebrate the end of their respective finals. 

“ ‘m not drunk,” Morpheus mutters, completely unconvincing. Hob snorts.

“Sure, sure, and I had the queen of England over at my place this summer,” he jokes, playfully jostling at the other man.

“I’m serious!” Morpheus insists, huffing and puffing out his cheeks out at Hob like a small child.  It’s absolutely adorable, if not absolutely terrible for Hob’s balance because it nearly causes him to stumble and drop both of them to the ground. What a pair they must look like out in the middle of a freezing December night.

“Sorry, don’t believe you, my friend,” Hob replies, laughing at the absolutely offended harumph! Morpheus lets out.

“Well—could a drunk person do this?” Morpheus asks pointedly, right before he slams his forehead right into Hob’s in quite possibly the world’s most painful headbutt.

“Ow!!! Fuck!!!!” Hob yells, letting go of Morpheus and clutching his forehead. There is a distinct thud as Morpheus practically crumples to the ground beside him, but Hob can’t be arsed to care right now. He’s seeing stars behind his eyelids and the brittle cold and alcohol coursing through his system is not helping.

“What the bloody hell, Morpheus?” Hob demands once the pain subsides. “What did you do that for?”

“...Did you get it?” Morpheus asks, and oh looking at him sitting so pathetically on the ground, his head right at crotch level, is a mistake. Morpheus’s bright blue eyes are brimming with hope as he looks up at Hob, as if he truly believed he’d passed on some important information via unhinged violence.

“Did I get what, a concussion?” Hob asks incredulously, holding his hand out for Morpheus to take to help him back up. 

“No I—” Morpheus bites his lip as he hauls himself up off the ground. He seems a bit more steady now, at least. “I sent you my love. Did you not receive it?”

Oh, this man was absolutely bad news for Hob’s poor heart. Not only is Morpheus staring at Hob like a kicked puppy, his cheeks and lips are both flushed cherry-red from the cold, the most color Hob’s ever seen on the other man since they met. It was a really good look on him. A very tempting look.

“I—I’m pretty sure your boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate you sending your love to other men,” Hob stutters breathlessly. He really needs to remember that no matter how cute and tempting Morpheus looked, Hob wasn’t a homewrecker. Even if Baz would have thanked him for it and written Hob a check for enough money to pay the rest of his rent and tuition.

Morpheus was drunk anyway. He probably had no idea what he was saying.

Morpheus furrows his brow at Hob’s words. “Boyfriend?” he asks in confusion. “What boyfriend?”

Christ.

“Don’t tell me you’re so sloshed you forgot about Simon already,” Hob jokes, desperately trying to keep his poor heart from leaping into his throat. He knows they haven’t broken up, Baz wouldn’t have shut up about it if they had. And even so, Morpheus was way outside of Hob's league anyways.

Morpheus’s head snaps so fast in alarm that Hob feels his own neck cramp just looking at him.

“Oh. YES! SIMON!” Morpheus practically shouts in his face. Hob winces, and Morpheus has at least enough sense left in him to look a little bit ashamed for his outburst.  

“You’re absolutely correct,” Morpheus continues, pushing past Hob  and suddenly in full control of his legs. He’s speed-walking now, seeming to have found new motivation to hurry to their final destination. “Simon Snow. My very real and not make-believe boyfriend, love of my life—yes that Simon Snow. His apartment is right over there.”

Hob stares at Morpheus’s rapidly retreating form in utter confusion for a few moments before his brain restarts and he rushes to catch up with the raven haired man.

Did Morpheus…think Simon was a made up person? Or…had the other man really forgotten they were dating? Usually people didn’t forget that sort of thing when they were drunk. 

Hob is still mulling over Morpheus’s confusing behavior when Morpheus stumbles again on a patch of ice and yelps. Hob silently thanks every single rugby practice he’s had over his entire life, because he’s quickly able to get to Morpheus and grab him before he runs headfirst into a tree. Watching over a drunk Morpheus was a full time job, that was for sure.

Somehow, Hob manages to haul both of them the rest of the way over to Simon’s apartment, which is thankfully on the first floor. Hob doesn’t even want to think about how obnoxious it would be to drag Morpheus up a flight of stairs in his state.

“Special delivery!” Hob declares, when Simon answers the door. Hob may have rang the doorbell more times than perhaps strictly necessary but he never said he wasn’t drunk too. 

“SIiiiimoonnnn darling!” Morpheus exclaims, disentangling himself from Hob and practically rushing into the red-haired man’s arms. Hob tries not to take it too personally. Simon is Morpheus’s freaking boyfriend after all. But still, there’s a massive cold spot now at Hob’s side where Morpheus’s body had been just seconds ago.

“Holy shit, Morph, your smell like a liquor store!” Simon laughs, wrapping his arms around Morpheus’s waist and pulling the raven haired man flush again him. “How much did you drink?”

“I’m not drunk!” Morpheus declares, and it’s not any less believable now than it was when they’d left the pub.

“Is that so?” Simon asks, a teasing note in his voice. “So I guess you don’t want any hot cocoa to chase away the booze then?” 

Morpheus instantly perks up. 

“I’m absolutely blackout drunk,” Morpheus replies, instantly changing his tune. “Are there marshmallows?”

“Of course,” Simon answers, before he turns back to face Hob. “Thanks for bringing him back, Hob. I’m sorry he’s such a mess when he’s drunk.”

“Not a problem at all,” Hob answers, smiling through his jealousy at their easy intimacy. Hob had had plenty of partners, both male and female, but he’s pretty sure he’s never been nearly as comfortable around them as Morpheus and Simon seem to be around each other. 

“Did you want to stay for a bit?” Simon offers. “I made plenty of hot cocoa.”

Hob shakes his head. “No, I’m dead tired,” he replies, faking a yawn to make himself more convincing. “Think it’s best I get myself to bed.”

Simon nods. “All right, get home safe,” he says.

“Tell Basil we say hello!” Morpheus adds, while Simon lets out a dramatic sigh.

“Good night, Hob,” Simon says with a finality, pulling at the door before Morpheus can say anything else.

“Night Simon. Morpheus,” Hob replies, waving as the door shuts closed. He stares at it for a few moments, then sighs as he turns to make the lonely walk home. 

He really was an absolute idiot. 

---------------------

Behind the closed door of Simon’s apartment, Morpheus is wailing his embarrassment into a mug of hot chocolate that is mostly marshmallow.

“I have made a fool of myself!” Morpheus cries dramatically into Simon’s sweater. “He probably thinks I am some cheap harlot who would throw himself at any man!”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think that,” Simon replies, patting Morpheus on the back. “Actually, I think he somehow fell even more in love with you. You sure you don’t want to just end the fake relationship now so you can have a real boyfriend for Christmas?”

Morpheus shakes his head.

“Not until Basil retracts his head from out of his ass and confesses his feelings to you,” he says, steadfast in his conviction.

Simon sighs. “Morph, he’s not going to, Baz obviously just hates—”

“Hush,” Morpheus interrupts him. “I will not have my fake boyfriend speaking badly of himself. Besides, he is enamored with you, even if he has an absolutely stupid way of showing it.”

“O–kay, if you’re sure then,” Simon replies. “Want another mug then?”

Morpheus nods eagerly, holding his mug out. “Please.”

[i-cant-sing]

Another funny dental story for you: I had to cut a deal with my dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. The deal being it had to done via local anesthetic, because there wasn't an anesthesiologist. He got to the last wisdom tooth and when I signaled for too much pain, he tapped the area next to the tooth asked "can you feel this?" When I said yes, he went "well,,, it's halfway out so...." and proceeded to rip the tooth out with no more anesthetic :) its super funny in hindsight but wowza

Look, im ngl.... but there are times that dentists do shit like that and it's okay to do it too. Have I done it? Yes. Has anyone of my patients been traumatised or even complained for not stopping? No. In fact, even at the times when I did stop because it was necessary, patients have asked me to just "rip it out". Ma'am you'd a pop a vessel and die if I continued😭

Look, in my clinical experience of what- barely 2 years??? I've observed that it takes A LOT to actually kill a patient by a dental procedure. None of my patients have died. 2 of them have fainted, but that was because of fear and hunger.

Yall would think I'm doing a comedy show with how I'm talking to my patients when I'm pulling out their teeth. My trick is to talk so much about everything and anything so that they're too distracted to even register the pain (which in most cases is just pressure) before pulling it out, maybe do a happy dance when the tooth comes out whole instead of in pieces.

The patient is happy, I'm happy, my supervisor is confused and my friends are laughing. But guess who's did the most extractions among them all? Me.

[oldhalloweentape]

if it isn't too much trouble or rush, perhaps a request about the first kiss with vinny santorini?

💐💣Vinny (atlantis) x reader First Kiss Headcanons💥🌹

(Yeah so um… Sorry guys for making you wait for so long on something fresher— I’m just going through it when it comes to my writing, incredibly unconfident in my skills… But I saw how many of you guys liked ‘em. For that I am extremely thankful, I love being able to provide where not many people would get it. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, here it is 💖)

(Edit : all of my headcanons are gender nonspecific when it comes to the reader, and it usually will be if no one specified)

Alright, your first kiss with each other, this sign of love transpires shortly after he overcomes the whole frigid stage of your relationship at the very beginning.

When things started becoming more... Vulnerable and soft started making themselves known, you weren't the only one to notice, your comrades, your amigos did as well. (These are certain people you may or may not know- Who are very supportive of your relationship from the get-go. Wink wink, nudge nudge.)

Um, this expedition crew sees the more than platonic relationship between you two, and all of them have varying opinions on the matter.

For example, Audrey, being the teen she is thinks it's pandering but adorable, Mole? … Not so much.

That stinky little fuck thinks it's nasty, even though he's the one who bathes himself in dirt and grime.

ANYWAYS, going back to Audrey, as I mentioned in an earlier post, (this one right here) Audrey is impatient, and not into the slow-burn trope as she tries to… Quicken the process.

And as the story progresses… Somehow Audrey lassos KIDA of all people into these evil master plans.

These teen-concocted shenanigans are good-natured of course, but they come off as… Odd to say the very least. You see… A kid who is more into mechanics isn't exactly the doctor of love, and an 8,500-8,800-year-old Atlantean woman isn't either.

Their attempts may include the following (let's start up the clown music, shall we?):

- Trying to learn more about the relationship as much as they possibly can (Audrey TRIES to ask somewhat subtle… Kida straight-up demands to know 💀)

- Posing as one partner via love letters… With those letters being very terribly written ones.

- Well, they were kinda bound to be wonky if they were written by an Atlantean warrior woman as a teenager spectates intently… And let’s be honest they could've been believable with how romantically INEPT YOU BOTH ARE, but they didn't take the time to copy your guys’s writing style/handwriting (And Sweets is the one who usually snatches these letters before you guys read them to spare you both, say thank you to Doctor Joshua Strongbear Sweets ���).

- Putting you guys into DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. This is mainly Kida’s idea, with her being frightfully confident about it due to it working with Milo and her… Thankfully Audrey had enough common sense to dismantle the idea.

After attempt after attempt fails, Audrey finally tries to get Sweets, a man she believes would have far more experience in this kind of thing… But the doctor tells her to NOT interfere, as painful as it is to look at you two being fucking romance failures.

With Milo backing it up of course… This effectively ruined the amusement (I can see Mole just giggling and snorting at all of this, this is COMEDY GOLD TO HIM) that Mole had as Kida and Audrey ran around like two headless chickens, all the while Vinny and you were for the most part unaware of.

But of course, the doctor knew that they all just had to be patient and let things move naturally between you two, a quality that Audrey and Kida were lacking in their plots.

This moment comes to fruition as you both get time alone and find a rather nice spot in Atlantis, which… May or may not have been suggested by Sweets to one of you.

After some heartfelt words and lingering touches, you both were able to share your first kiss, which as many might expect was both sweet and awkward, as God intended 💖☺️

[burins]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

tagged by @vechter !! thank you so much for the tag i will try not to be tremendously maudlin in response! idk if @timetoboldlygo @rolameny or @try-set-me-on-fire did a fic year in review already. Also if you see this and would like to do it genuinely consider yourself tagged I would love to see your thoughts!

number of stories posted to ao3: 7! although two of those and almost all of another were written in 2023. let's say 4.75.

word counted posted for last year: 27k (minus 8k for estate and 3k for unsent letters, so 16k. Which is frankly, a miracle)

fandoms i wrote for: fatt, dc comics, hxh

pairings: superbat, leopika, dinahbabs, alyarr. I also wrote a relatively high proportion of gen fic this year! 

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads: everybody loved how cleanly, how quietly (the tim has friends actually manifesto) which is good because i also love how cleanly, how quietly. 

work i’m most proud of (and why): literally anything i got out this year was the product of blood sweat and tears for reasons i will get into later! I’m probably most proud of the silliest fic i published, my love sits patiently, the leopika chair fetish fic. this sprang out of a joke with some friends and rapidly became ungovernable. I’m always nervous writing for a new fandom about whether i have a good handle on the characters, but the entire process of writing this was just me sitting at the keyboard going teeheehee what if! and then putting that into the fic. I think the comedy hits and the prose is good and i managed not to make it too sad (always a danger) while still keeping the leopika sauce in there!

work i’m least proud of (and why): genuinely i don’t publish things I’m not proud of! the really id shit languishes either in my brain, my dms, or in my notes app. so I’m going to cheat by saying a fic i wrote in 2023 but only put up on ao3 in april. it’s estate, not because i don’t think it’s good-- i think it’s really good!! I gave myself a hell of a challenge in writing it (“oh i want to write a shirley jackson pastiche, from the POV of a character I’ve never written before, and also he is a child” <- words spoken by a fool, and a dingus. No one made me do this!) and I think I mostly succeeded. But because it was for a zine I had a strict word count limit, which meant i had to trim down the prose a fair amount and I think it did lose some of its effectiveness in that process. Someday maybe i’ll go through my gdocs and try to resurrect some of the bits I tightened farther than they should have gone. 

share or describe a favorite review you received: i got a lot of really, really thoughtful and lovely comments this year! I feel immensely lucky every time i write something and people like it enough to tell me so. Especially because writing was such a thorny thing for me it was deeply helpful to have people in my inbox going hey, i loved this. sometimes they did literary analysis! incredible shit!!! there are too many to have a particular favorite but someone just told me that they read to the morning come, the post-utrh superbat, a week into their DC comics journey. Which is crazy because that fic obliquely references the time the Joker was the Iranian ambassador, perhaps one of the stupidest storylines in comics. (In hindsight I could probably have come up with a different reason why Clark doesn't let Bruce kill the Joker.) I hope this person has a great time, and also I’m very sorry. 

a time when writing was really, really hard: ha. well. I don’t think this is what the question was intended to get at but for 90% of the year it was physically painful for me to write! my nerve pain came roaring back in december of 2023 and I spent months and months only able to pick at stuff a couple dozen words at a time on my phone, or trying to do bits in voice to text via a truly wild phone to computer situation, or just full of ideas rattling about that I couldn’t do very much with. I try to let it be what it is but it has been a fucking rough year and many many times it made me want to bite. I have ups and downs and I’ll probably keep having ups and downs! i hope this isn’t forever because i really miss getting to lose myself in prose. but at the end of the day we are all just working within the limits of the form and sometimes that has to be more literal than i’d like.  

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i was originally writing my love sits patiently leaning more heavily on the jokes. But i realized that it is much funnier and also much sweeter if leorio genuinely gives himself a chair thing because he is so horny and emotional about kurapika, so then i had to write them having sex where the chair was integral while not, myself, being into furniture in that way. (i respect our kink warriors it just isn’t For Me!) 

a favourite excerpt of your writing: i’m so pleased with all of the prose in unsent letters from the end of the world, yet another alyarr epistolary fic, but i’m particularly fond of the conclusion. I rattled around a little trying to figure out how alyosha’s voice should sound in these letters after everything he’s gone through. I was thinking a little bit of Leonard Cohen’s final letter to Marianne Ihlen-- there’s a particular certainty that comes with age, and I wanted to allow alyosha some bitterness while still acknowledging that of the various tragedies he’s witnessed, everything with arrell is probably not the top of the list. And also i wanted to stay true to the ending tone of spring in hieron, which is a story about the end of the world and the lives we make for ourselves anyway. 

What I mean to say, in a rather roundabout way for which you are no longer around to chide me, is that I write you to tell myself a story, to determine my own thoughts by writing them down. To make a story, step by meandering step. I did not begin at the beginning, and I have not ended at the end, but I have, I think, come to the conclusion anyway. I loved a false god, and I will never know what, if anything, He loved. And I loved you, Tutor, and you loved me, and it was not enough. But I also loved the world. I loved it enough to change it. I thought there should be something instead of nothing, and I made it so. I hope I was not wrong to do so. From my window I can see children playing, swinging from branch to branch. I do not think I was.

how did you grow as a writer last year: i would like to say that i learned to accept my own limitations and celebrated my victories (getting a fic out for multiple events, getting to a place where I could write almost all of my love sits patiently by sitting down at a keyboard!!!) but that is a Work In Progress. 

how do you hope to grow this year: i really do not want to jinx anything so i will just say i would like to be able to write sustainably, whatever that means for me this year. I suspect it will mean a variety of different things because what counts as sustainable changes from day to day! 

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): really truly cannot say enough kind things about @suedeuxnim beloved friend beta cheerleader etc. thank you for cheering me on in my dms and keeping me supplied with cat pictures. also, separately, my wonderful spouse. this is a tumblr post, not the oscar acceptance speech, and i suspect they would find it embarrassing if i went on a lot but it makes every aspect of life easier to have a partner in crime. 

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: funnily enough the chronic pain duo fics were actually written BEFORE the big chronic pain resurgence, and also they’re from 2023. (this has actually happened to me twice, and while i’m not going to stop writing about chronic pain it does feel like maybe i am a little bit cursed.) I wrote two fics about bruce’s parenting choices and their effects on his kids and I think you can do the math! No one gets deeply into batman comics because they’re normal about fathers. Oh, in more fun things, Tim’s calendar from how cleanly, how quietly is based on the very real Daikonic Moments calendar from Omega Mart, which was our 2024 calendar. If anyone has suggestions for a 2025 calendar lmk because we got one for Christmas but it’s all bad mullets and we are not hanging it up.  

any new wisdom you can share with other writers: i spent a non-zero amount of this year feeling bummed that i couldn’t write as much as I wanted, both because writing is one of my main hobbies and also because despite my cool and untouchable image (citation needed) it is hard not to compare myself to others who are able to write much, much, much more than me! But that is silly because I am me and they are them. There have been times in my life when i was the demon of productivity and times in my life when i wrote nothing publishable all year. So my wisdom (still working on the implementation part!!!) is to celebrate what you are able to do and not what you don’t manage. And also, write for yourself and your circle of freaks and you can’t go wrong. 

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: anything i can finish is a win! I have a lot of projects in the hopper from almost two years ago; who knows what will happen. I did sign up for secret samol so there will be a fatt fic forthcoming, and I also signed up for another secret project (no longer secret! I'm gonna be in the Bruce Wayne pinup zine) so there’ll be something else probably in early summer. I would love to finish my jaydick injury fic. i have a second chapter of dinahbabs handler sex, but that one involves a lot of disability feelings and i’ve been putting it off because i want to do it justice. maybe superbat amnesia will happen at some point but that’s so long (and has a Real Plot) so the likelihood is slim. I have a LOT of ideas about how leopika can have sex mistakes I’d love to turn into fics but also they’re just fun to rotate. we’ll see!

[not-freyja]

Hi! :D

I heard a lot of good things about your fic and it's been hanging in my 'for later' list for ever. I'm trying to avoid spoilers and am increadibly curious about the plot, but!

I see it's tagged with MCD and seeing (absolutely increadible) fanarts I think I know who that is for.

Here's the question:

Is it temporary main character death or permanent?

I know some authors tag deaths but not temporary deaths and I understand if you don’t want to say because of spoilers. It’s also tagged with "Tags May Change", so there's where my uncertainty comes from.

I know form experience I don’t do well with permanent MCD, even if I love a good whump, so sadly if it’s permanent I will have to pass on your fic, no matter how curious I am about it.

So I was just wondering if you could clarify it for me?

Sorry I'm so awkward about it 😅

Okay, two things:

1. MCD means that they die. Permanently, and least for the course of the fic. If it was temporary, I would elaborate in the tags. The “tags may change” is because it was being posted as a WIP, and I didn’t want to lie to someone if I ended up adding or removing a scene. I see where the ambiguity might be read there, but that tag is coming off any day now, when the last chapter goes up.

2. This fic is not whump. It is not angst, and it is not hurt/no comfort. I believe the level of pain has been greatly exaggerated by someone and now everyone thinks the fic is full of torture porn.

Adjuration is a tragedy, in the classic literature sense. Like Hamlet. Like the Count of Monte Cristo. As in, the bad things that happen are inevitable and entirely able to be seen coming, and the characters’ own fault.

Tragedy does not equal misery all the way down. In fact, the majority of the word count in there is comedy. Most of the time spent reading the fic is spent laughing, because half of the cast deals with stress via humor.

So yes, people (more than one of them) die. Of course they do. Adjuration is, put simply, a story where the premise of Link as a character is taken seriously. That means seriously. Send 14 people on a high stakes action mission, not all of them are making it out alive. That would be unrealistic. People die in action stories.

And with a main cast of fourteen Links, it’s an inevitability that one of those deaths would be one of them.

(Clarity: you have done nothing wrong, and I am not yelling at you. This is me elaborating on the issue because I keep being asked about all the whump and angst that just… isn’t there outside of three specific scenes in a 300k work. It’s like acting all of LOTR is whump cause you heard about Boromir. Like, that is literally how out of proportion this has been blown.)

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Who Ya Gonna Call?

This is going to be a rambling mental health dump about yesterday. Be warned.

So yesterday afternoon I watched Ghostbusters, my all time favorite movie, that I saw for the first time when I was 6 in 1984, and have seen likely hundreds of times since then, with a friend I've had for several years now who is at least as old as me, who had NEVER seen it. I fucking love watching this movie, especially with people who are seeing it for the first time. My son leaves the room when I watch it because, "Mom it's honestly weird that you know every single word of dialogue." My friend commented on that too, even watching it 'together' long distance and communicating via text. I can't help it. I love it. She asked me why I love it so much. I didn't want to write her a full length doctoral dissertation on Ghostbusters while she was actively watching it with me for her first viewing, but here will be a long essay about a couple of the reasons I love it so much today. I wrote an essay before about how I love that the Ghostbusters are good men, about how even cocky, wryly comedic, womanizing Pete Venkman (Bill Murray) reveres informed consent. I've written about how much J is like Egon Spengler. Some folks have heard me talk about how this movie connects me to A, who's my best friend who passed away last December (You want me to get REAL emotional and sappy, talk to me about Ghostbusters Afterlife. That's obviously about both the afterlife and Egon Spengler. That's like ...a lot. But that's another whole essay. I'm sure I could have just a Ghostbusters blog.)

Today I'm gonna write about 2 things though that no one really thinks about when they see Ghostbusters and one of them is HYPER specific, and it will probably only land if someone else reading this is a freakish super fan like me. But here we go.

At the very beginning of Ghostbusters, Pete Venkman is doing a 'psychological experiment' as a professor at Columbia University, where he claims to be studying, 'the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP (extra sensory perception) ability.' The comedy is that his experiment is shit because he's skewing results in favor of a pretty girl he's trying to pick up. But if you pay attention to the scene his actual results are showing that negative reinforcement improves ESP ability. The poor student getting the mild electric shock on the incorrect guesses, does get one right after 4 misses. And while I can't name the card you pull out of a deck without looking at it, or actually read minds, nor did I ever get actual electric shocks or other physical pain-type negative reinforcement growing up, the subtle negative reinforcement I did constantly get from my family except my grandparents essentially trained me to fucking figure out from whatever you can observe and feel in your space how to navigate it and make a guess at what people need or expect from you in order to avoid that. In my case...I think the negative reinforcement enhanced my 'ESP ability,' for better or worse. I've had many people in my life straight up ask me if I was psychic before. I'm not. I just have a trauma history that makes me so hyper aware of other people's feelings and needs that I can fairly accurately project and predict what they'll do and say a lot of the time. And the closer I am emotionally to that person/the more time I spend with them, the better I get at it. I like that part of Ghostbusters.

And the other piece I want to rant about is the silly commercial they make for the business that ends with the line, "We're ready to believe you," and of course, the catchphrase, "Who ya gonna call?" I'm an honest person. I don't lie. But that doesn't mean I'm always believed. My feelings and needs for attention and affection were ignored, denied, and negated often by pretty much everyone in my life except for my grandparents, A, J, my son(mostly), and some online friends. I don't trust them all the time either. It goes back to all that negative reinforcement and overused and overly relied upon ESP ability. Actually, I don't even trust myself a lot of the time, even though I'm not a dishonest person, especially if I'm thinking or feeling something good or hopeful. My default about people I love and want to trust, and even about my own feelings is, "This can't be real (implied: because it's good)." But the Ghostbusters are ready to believe me. They won't ignore, deny, or negate my experience. It's their promised business model and mission statement. And J and I woke up at 2am today and talked all morning about...life. And about how hard it is to trust and rely on other people other than each other. About how neither of us have anyone really, that we feel would be of any real help to us other than each other. All of our closest emotional connections are scattered and fragile, and all of our closest geographic connections are tenuous at best, but actually basically unreliable to the point of uselessness. We don't have anyone to call. We ARE who other people call. I'm 46 years old and a parent and a homeowner and a college graduate, but I admit I wish we could call Ghostbusters. I like that part of Ghostbusters too. They understand my negative reinforcement and they're ready to believe me and if there's something strange in my neighborhood, I can call them. That's basically my lifelong relationship fantasy. That's why I love J so much. It's why I miss A so badly. They give/gave me that for real.

That's not all of why I love Ghostbusters so much, but it's a start. Thanks for watching it with me yesterday. You don't really know how helpful and necessary it was for me to get through the day. ❤️