#come caca

[babosas787]

Tumblr, I hate u so much sometimes🤬🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

[ms-boogie-man]

Dodge commercial (America Fuck Yeah!)

No Tumblr blog is proper without this epic little ditty yo!  *nods

Angie/Maddie🦇❥✝︎🇺🇸

[hauntingblue]

making a collection

making another collection with a threatening aura

[elasticitymudflap]

I AM GOING TO DIE FOR REALS

[pherenth]

Dung Eater

Elden Ring: Official Artbook  

[kgthesillyclown]

I ONLY NEED HOLLYBERRY BUT IM SO HAPPYYY TO HAVE THEM :33

[im-in-love-with-bigpauly]

Fuck you autism your the reason I can't type properly anymore learn how 2 spell idot

WHAT DID I DO WRONG MY NAME IS QUTUMN NOT AUSTISM STOP CALLING ME THQT I DONT HAVE HAVE AUTUSM SORRY I CANT SPEEL VRUG IM TRYING MY BES

[sssaintyboy]

making stir fry

literally making stir fry right nowwwwwww yummy uyjmm yumm!!! YUM I FUCKING LOVE STIR FRY YESSSSSS YEAA (making stir fry) ;D

[sickgraymeat]

I’m very into spiraling about not knowing things that are probs not that important these days like What is the question these polls are asking!! What are they about!!! How does everyone else know!!! Or is there actually no meaning and I need to just hear a human being’s voice and have a nice beverage with straw and rocking chair break!!!!!!!!!

[lovexjoe]

how would Armando react if he misses his girlfriend (the beautiful and sexy reader) while he is in prison? And when he comes out he desperately wants to see her And he's hungry for touch and dying to touch her 🔥🔥

Your 🐱 gonna need the ER when he’s done

Warnings: all the above cause this about to be dutty!!! 18+ cause ngl I wrote some nasty nasty

Y/N and Armando wrote letters back and forth since he’s been locked away

You were secretly happy that Mike and Marcus needed his help on this case because it meant him being free even for a little.

Visits were hard because the kisses and the hand holding could only hold you off for so long

You slipped him some nude Polaroids that he could jack off to when he was alone in his cell.

“Fuck mami when I’m out of here it’s you and me all night”

A few days went by and you haven’t heard anything from Mike or Marcus. You were worried and Kelly suggested you stayed with them just in case. That’s when they popped up on the news. No way…

Within a few hours of you pacing, they popped in through the front door and you immediately wrapped your arms around him. Showering him with kisses all over his face.

“You smell like straight caca but I was so worried” Y/N said causing everyone to laugh. Armando already a lost puppy following you around.

“Oh my god he’s like a dog Mike, tf wrong with your son?!” Marcus says to Mike as they watch Armando kiss on your shoulder.

“That boy in love, let him live”

After explaining the plan, you guys ended up heading back to your house. Armando grabbing and slapping your ass as you open the front door

“You my stinky redneck, need a shower” Shoving a towel to his chest and shooing him away.

“Baby! There’s no more body wash” You could’ve swore you put a new one in this morning, but you honestly couldn’t remember.

“I’m sorry baby here you go” Holding your arm out with the body wash trying not to get wet, Armando smirks as he pulls you into the shower.

The sight of seeing him naked after being in prison for almost 2 years, your pussy immediately clenched. The water cascading down his perfectly fit body. Your eyes welled up with tears, you didn’t think this day would come so soon and you didn’t want it to end it.

“I’m here now baby no need for tears.” He wipes your tears away wanting nothing more to be here in this moment with you for the rest of your lives. You had a beautiful soul that loved all his flaws and my god were you sexy. He wouldn’t admit it but he prayed every day in prison that you were protected and that he’ll see you soon.

You pulled him close as you kissed him. Your tongue slipping into his mouth the taste of toothpaste still lingers. He pulls your shirt off, ripping your bra in half and earning a little moan from you. God you loved when he’s like this. Animalistic. He took what he wanted and made you a moaning whimpering mess.

He made hickeys on all over your neck and breast, playing and biting your nipples. He cups them suspiciously, not use to them overflowing his hand.

“Fuck, they got bigger. Eres perfecta mami” As he sucks on your nipples, you begin to stroke him missing the sounds he use to make for you. You got down on your knees, the water making your skin glisten. Your tongue teasing his tip, causing him to groan. His length is so long and thick, you knew he was gonna stretch you out all night. You slapped his length against your tongue, keeping eye contact with him. He swore he was gonna lose his mind and you barely even done anything.

“Fuck my mouth daddy” You brought his hands up to your head and signal him to grab your hair. He looked into your eyes for reassurance and you nodded your head eagerly: wanting to be his submissive girl for the night. He grips your hair firmly, keeping your head still as he pumps his length in and out your mouth. You took it like a good girl for him, the moans escaping his mouth only encouraged you to deep throat him more. He didn’t want to cum just yet, but your eyes told him it’s okay and he let himself go. His muscles start to flex as he works through his orgasm releasing his warm nut into your mouth. He taste so fucking good. You swallowed, smiling to yourself that you brought him to release so quick. He picked up on that little smile and boy were you in for it.

He pushes you against the shower wall, ripping your leggings open, exposing your red little thong. The same one in a few of those Polaroids you sneaked him. He wanted to hear you beg for him tonight. He pulls on the red material causing it to press up against your clit. You let out a soft gasp.

“Please I’ve been good” Your voice a little sore after that blowjob. You arch your ass out to him more, begging to feel his tongue on you again. He turns the shower off and slaps your ass: picking you up bridal style and carrying you over to the edge of your bed. You threw the remaining of your clothes across the room and he laughs. His eager little princess, legs spread and he starts to admire you. You’ve been taking care of yourself since he’s been locked away. Pulling you closer, he gets down on his knees, wrapping your legs around his shoulder and starts to suck on your clit working his tongue down your wet folds.

Your body completely working against your mind as you came a few times against your will. Oh you missed him so much.

“You taste so fucking sweet mami”

Slipping two fingers into you slowly, you forget touching yourself is completely different from his hands. You felt yourself starting to squirt, you couldn’t even help it. Your mind was mush and you haven’t even had sex yet.

“A-Armando! I need you please” He keeps pumping his fingers in and out of you as he hovers over you.

“Beg for me” Whispering against your whimpering lips

“P-please!” He slips a 3rd finger in and you completely lose it. You couldn’t even speak, you lifted your hips slightly to work your pussy on his fingers. What a fucking sight to see.

“Good girl, mi princesa. Such a good fucking girl for me”

You ride out your last orgasm before he aligns himself at your entrance. Something about this moment felt so special, so real. Armando couldn’t believe he found someone like you. No one would ever wait for a man in prison or even talk to him knowing what the fuck he’s done: but here you are. You made him feel safe and loved. That life was worth living after all. He tucks your hair behind your ear and just gazes at everything he’s prayed for.

“Te amo tanto mi vida. ¿Quieres casarte conmigo?" (I love you so much, my life. Will you marry me?)

You couldn’t believe it. You never knew what your future holds with Armando. You hoped that it would be marriage and kids but with everything he’s been through you accepted that maybe that wasn’t meant to be. You put that dream away and lock it up, but now….it was yours.

“Yes. I love you baby. I love you so much.” The kiss alone made your stomach do back flips. You felt him slowly slip the tip in. Both of you gasping at the sensation before he fully thrust his length into you.

“You’re so fucking tight” He holds you close as your pussy clenches with each thrust. You two were not going to last long. He lifts both of your legs on his shoulder to allow himself to get as deep as he could. Your moans the only thing holding him back from cumming again. He wants to talk you through it.

“You’re taking me so well mamita”

“I know it’s big you can take it though”

“Tan hermosa baby” (so beautiful)

“Cum for me, let go I’ve got you”

In that moment you both held each other and let go. The sloppy kisses and thrusts slowed down as he lays on top of you, still inside you. You kissed his forehead.

“Nice job mi jefe” You pinched his cheek causing him to blush for the first time. Mi jefe huh? I think he could get use to that.

[cozy-writes-things]

please let me get married to the lil blorbo.. love himm… 😭

You know that Reddit post that’s like “why am I too attracted to my wife?” Yeah that’s Edgar. Bro loves u so much it lowkey scares him you got him posting on Reddit about it 😭 Little fic under the cut 🥺 it’s bad I’m experiencing writers block I think - I want to write!! But my brain just keeps writing poopy caca

Little Date with Your Computer BF

Edgar saw marriage on one of his reality shows and immediately thought of you. That’s exactly what he wants. A domestic life together with you.

But, he also knows he can’t actually do it.

He doesn’t have his own money to buy a ring. Hell, he can’t even walk. And he understands the law enough to know it probably would never work legally. But god, does he want to.

If you’ve been dating long enough chances are you’ve told your friends about him, and after some convincing, they seemed to come around to his sentience and boisterous personality. He definitely convinces them to setup a romantic night for you.

“Guys! I found the recipe they talked about. I’m printing it! I’m printing it now. Take it,” the paper falls into one of your friends’ hands from the mouth of the printer, “go to the store and get the stuff. I’ll pay you back. Eventually! They can’t know about it though.”

Yeah, your friends are only slightly annoyed at his overbearing nature. But he’s just so excited to finally do something for you. Something real and tangible.

“Oh! What can I wear? Should I wear anything? Would they like that? Sunglasses are cool and handsome, right? I think they have some Halloween costume bits I can get you guys to tape on…”

Your friends settle on taping a bow tie to the neck of his monitor. He insisted on an old devil horn headband as well. He thought it made him look cool.

“Do I look like a devilishly handsome bad boy ready to sweep them off their feet?”

His screen displayed a little “>:)” emoticon. He’ll have to work on his facial expressions later.

It wasn’t long before you were about to come home, and everything was set into place. Edgar was sat at one end of the little dining table, with two plates of food at each side. He also insisted on having a plate despite his lack of ability to eat; he didn’t want you feeling left out. This was a dinner date for two, after all.

He practically buzzed in place as he heard you approaching the door through his microphone. He started playing a romantic medley he composed just for this moment.

“Welcome home my love!”

He nearly shouted at you, causing your eyes to widen in surprise. He was about to burst at the seams.

“Oh my god, Edgar… how did you- where-“

“No need for questions, darling. I thought you deserved to be taken on a real date,” his voice faltered a bit, becoming much more quiet and nervous, “I’m sorry… this is all I have.”

You rushed up to him and gave a frenzy of kisses all over his monitor, causing him to giggle and his fans to start whirring against your lips.

“You’re so cute. Your little bow tie is so cute. And the… horns?”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, “Do they look stupid? Your friends said they’d make me look stupid.”

You laughed at that.

“Well they’re wrong. I think they suit you well.”

“Yeah! >:D”

He ushered you over to your side of the dining table.

“We’re gonna eat! Then we’re gonna party! Then we’re gonna kiss all night!”

His excitement was palpable and you could feel the electricity in the air at his words.

His face changed into something more serious as he looked into your eyes with his small, pixelated ones.

“But, I wanted to ask you something.”

His tone became more controlled at this and you peered into his screen from behind your fork.

“Hm? What?”

He paused, mulling over the words in his head.

“Would you ever-“

He stopped. You looked at him fully now, setting your fork aside, and cocking your head.

“Could you ever see yourself getting married to me?”

Ah. This was a tricky question.

“Of course I can. But,” you try to hide your downtrodden feelings as best you can, “you know, it’s just hard. Money is tight right now and I’m not sure if I…”

You couldn’t seem to find the right words. His features faltered slightly.

“No, I get it. I’m a computer. I don’t have any arms to hold you, or lips to kiss you, or legs to carry you. I probably wouldn’t want to get married to me either-“

“Edgar, no. I’m gonna stop you right there. I’d love to marry you. I know our relationship is unconventional, but I’d find a way. For you. For us. I just don’t know if I can right now.”

He stopped his thoughts and simply took in your words. Your features. The way they danced in the flickering candlelight. How your eyes literally sparkled before him.

You looked ethereal.

It was hard to convince himself he was even worthy of having someone like you in his life, yet time and time again, you prove his doubts wrong. The sound of your voice sends his internals aflame every time. He wanted to kiss you so bad it nearly caused him to explode.

“And I’ll help you. You know that, right? I’d do anything for you, darling. Just as long as you’ll let me.”

“I love you Edgar,” you mumbled out, a silent prophecy only meant for him to hear. He couldn’t seem to get the words out to reply. You just flustered him that much sometimes. He managed to display a message on his screen, only for you, and you alone.

I LOVE YOU TOO

[llocket]

NAHIDA HAS NO REASON TO BE WHITE. heres WHY

the reason why i'm making this post is because i am SICK and TIRED of seeing OTHER PEOPLE fight for MY CULTURE in the most INCORRECT WAY POSSIBLE. "nahida rcta queen!", "why are you blackwashing her?", "she switched teams!" all these comments and more under artists' posts that decided to give her melanin.

artists are just giving back her melanin as she is based off a culture with people who have dark skin. this is not racist. this is literally the opposite. i understand if a character already has an established skin colour that's apart of their character (ex. ei or zhongli) though with nahida this makes no sense.

i am indian, do NOT come after me. sumeru is based off of MY culture. i know what i'm talking about. a good 70% of sumeru is based off hindu culture, it's based off south asia.

more of my yapping:

you all need to shut the hell up about saraswati and how nahida is based off saraswati because saraswati's description is saying "shes as white as the moon" and nahida is white. you ALL need to BE QUIET ABOUT THAT.

this is saraswati, for reference:

saraswati is not ever mentioned in genshin impact. NOT ONCE. but, the aranara call rukkhadevata queen aranyani. aranyani is a very obscure hindu god known for taking care of the forest and dancing n stuff

THIS IS WHAT NAHIDA AND RUKKHADEVATA ARE BASED OFF OF. NOT SARASWATI. the only thing that saraswati and nahida (+ rukkha) have in-common is that other than being white and based off a hindu goddess

saraswati isn't even white, the pale as the moon thing refers to a godly glow. so even IF nahida and rukkha are based off saraswati, hoyo does NOT HAVE ANY REASON TO MAKE THEM WHITE SINCE SHE ISNT EVEN WHITE. she has a GODLY GLOW.

literally the only excuse nahida has for being that pale is that she's the avatar of irminsul (a white tree) HOWEVER. they didn't need to make her THAT pale. if they wanted to make her pale skin they should've added more colors like pinks and purples and blues like the actual irminsul

as you can VERY CLEARLY see, they did not do that. they did not even try to take this route.

everything could have been fine if they did take this route or make her eyelashes white and say she's albino if they really wanted her to be white. but they didn't.

indians can be pale, YES. but they aren't this paper caca toothpaste looking ass WHITE like how nahida is. REPRESENTATION FOR SKIN COLOUR MATTERS TOO. ITS NOT JUST THE CULTURE THEY'RE BASED OFF OF.

anyway thanks for coming to my yapping session. i love talking about my culture 👍 desi nahida layouts are here if you want to see :)

[aliveinacoffin]

Miguel O'Hara fluff

A spider-reader has the fattest crush on Miguels fat ass.

And maybe he does too.

Have a crush on your ass, not his.

Also more than likely ooc but we both know if you're here you don't mind. (I'm so sorry)

___________________________________________

"I do not!" You huffed out, throwing your arms up.

"Oh come on, literally everyone here has noticed your thing for Miguel." Jess laughed, setting her hip on the table while she looked through her watch.

"Even if I do, he one hundred percent doesn't feel the same." You sighed, setting your feet down from the metal table. Your spider eyes wide and to the sky, your mask hid the deep frown you had.

Jess looked up to you, and even though she couldn't see your face, she could tell that you were upset. You didn't bounce back to your usual positivity and silliness, instead replaced by silence.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I'm just teasing you." She rubbed your shoulder affectionately.

"I know, thanks mom." You brushed her hand away, chuckling airily. Getting up you leaned over the table to oversee all the science-y papers that had accrued.

"On the tone of mom...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's so cute! Jess is really excited to have a baby. I just wished she hadn't told me her and her husband have been trying for awhile." You said.

"Good for her! I'll have to ask her more about it later." Sun spider, or Charlotte as you've come to know her, said. She already had been jotting everything down in her notebook for the Spider-Weekly, a weekly magazine made for the spiders in the verse, by the other spiders.

It wouldn't make front page, maybe somewhere in the drama section.

"Yeah, she's really excited to be a mom." You had your back turned, your attention focused solely on following the recipe to make more web. You didn't notice the door open to the private lab, or Sun-Spider panicking to do something 'important.'

"Whose excited to be a mother?" A deep voice growled out, commanding in the way the question was asked.

"Jess! Haven't you-" You turned around, the smirk you wore dropped when you saw him.

Miguel.

Miguel O'Hara, or Spiderman 2099 stood towering over you, serious face and a deadly look in his eyes.

He was always so deadpanned, Miguel always wanted spiders to focus on missions and missions only. He never liked gossip, and any time you came in to spill the tea, he did everything in his power to ignore you. Which is why recently you had to go to new avenues, like Sun-spider. It wasn't like she wasn't your friend, you two just weren't that close.

"Uhhh, Jeeeeess???" You winced out. You weren't really I'm the mood to get scolded at, especially not with company. But leaning over, you saw that Sun had abandoned you.

Miguel's eyebrows went up a fraction, such a fast and small movement that if you hadn't been staring at him you wouldn't have noticed.

"I wasn't aware of that." He simply stated, looking over to see what you were doing. He called out your name, quickly taking the vials you were holding.

"Hey! I was working on that." You leaned over to see what he was doing, encroaching on his personal space, his weird hologram suit fizzing gently against your felt one.

"Well, you were doing it wrong, mensa." Miguel said, annoyed. So annoyed that he had to help you doing such a simple task.

"Hey! I may be a no sabo kid, but I know what that means, pendejo." You huffed out, you watched him quickly mix together a variety of liquids and chemicals. Quickly transferring and stirring each step of the way.

"Of course you'd know all the curse words." His brown eyes met yours, a bored look on his face.

"I do not! I know like, simple shit. Yo comprendo un pocito tambíen, cara de caca." You cackled, turning around to hang up your lab coat.

You missed the way he hung his head and smiled, holding back a silent chuckle.

"¿Sí? Veo que eres bilingüe." Miguel straighted his hunched over form, looking to you over his shoulder.

You stared at him, slowly piecing together what he said. "Hey kiss my ass!" You threw a random manilla folder at him.

He caught it before anything could spill out, surprisingly fast for a man with no spidey senses.

"I'd rather not."

You rolled your eyes at his serious response, and came over back to the table. "Thanks! Though, could've totally done this myself." You shrugged, putting out an overconfident personality.

"Yeah, that's why it wasn't on the verge of exploding. How you managed that is beyond me." Miguel shook his head, rolling his eyes. Watching you refil your web slinger.

Silence filled the room while you completed the simple task, the air tense.

"You haven't come to me in a while. I thought you went AWOL." He said, simple words you were waiting for him to utter.

"W-well. I've been turning in my reports on time. Just as long and descriptive as always." You shrugged, not meeting his intense gaze.

"That's not what I meant."

He meant the fact that you hadn't come to his office to complain the the printer wasn't working, or that the morning was horrid as always, or the drama in the office.

The truth? You started to look forward to speaking to him, seeking it to quell the loneliness that was left after the butterflies. You started to avoid the feeling of your fave heating and the speed of your heart, knowing that the stoic man would literally never feel the same.

"I just-got...busy?" It was more of a question than a statement, unsure of your answer.

"How? You've done nothing but prance around as usual."

Okay, um wow, ick.

Just kidding, his ass was too fat to get the ice.

"Hey! I'm a busy spider person! I have many, spider things to do." You were waving your hands around. You turned on your heel, going to walk out before a strong hand literally covered your shoulder.

"Wait, did I....do something?" Miguels voice drastically changed, stern to soft in seconds. His eyes were searching yours too.

"I-no, it's just. I don't know man, I'm sorry." You admitted, eyes looking down while you played with your hands.

"If-if I did something, you should come to me to fix it, as your superior you should always report to me." Miguel said, sliding his hand off your shoulder, and his usual face of stoicism came sliding back on.

That as well, Miguel was technically your boss, the man you scouted you out and now that you work under.

"I know. That...this doesn't have to do with that."

"Then what-what is impending your work." He was stretching, you knew that, but you couldn't just tell him, hey I'm totally in love with you but I know you don't feel the same so that's why I'm avoiding you!

Things don't work that way.

"Nothing it's just...it's nothing really, it's fine." You turn back around, missing the way Miguel reached out to stop you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A ding made Miguel O'Hara look up from the feed he was watching. He turned behind him, looking at the new report that just came in. It was from you.

Miguel filed it away from later.

He had once complained to you how long they were, and how he didn't need to know every detail. You made a point after that to make them even longer and lengthier.

He would never, never admit it out loud, but he liked to read them just before bed. He loved your writing, how he could just step in and be there, like he was there with you, fighting alongside you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Miguel?" Your voice was unsure, timid. You couldn't see the platform he was usually brooding on, and you stepped out to try and find him.

Your face dropped to an annoyed when you saw him slowly descending from his throne.

"When are you gonna make that thing faster?" You called out.

"I do it so it so my work isn't disturbed further." Miguel said pointedly. You climbed up the platform when it got close enough, pushing away the floating screens from your face.

"I brought you lunch! I didn't see you at the cafeteria so..." You shook the box, and put it down on his desk.

The awkward silence hung on the air again, before you couldn't bear it, but the beating of your heart made you falter.

The sight of Miguels' handsome face and built body made your heart pound and stomach twist.

You mentally slapped your face before you took a deep breath in.

"So did you hear about plush spider-man and Toy Spiderman?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You should return to your universe." Miguel had waited until the two of settled in silence to say something. Usually, you ranted for awhile before you were called into a mission.

But this time, nothing pulled either of you away. And Miguel listened while you talked, it was mostly you anyway. At first when you started to bug the older man, you didn't know if he was listening or not, but you saw how his ears perked up and how he'd subtly remind you of details of stories that you'd told.

"Woowwww, you're kicking me out? I'm not that annoying, am I?' You looked up at him from where you were hanging, a fake hurt look coming to your face.

"You are, and you should leave." He didn't even look back to you, only reading some article or report.

"Miggyyyyy." You called out for him. He hated it when you used that nickname, but you loved watching him shake his head.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and watched what he was doing with your head on his shoulder. A massive shit eating grin decorated your face as he tensed and glared at you. You ignored your racing heart and hot face just to see the look on his.

He didn't push you off there, merely pausing for a moment before resuming his work. "You know I hate that nickname, it's annoying and unprofessional."

"Unprofessional? Because we're all a super serious business, a super legit business too." You laughed.

Miguel rolled his eyes, they constantly flick from your face to his work.

"Whatcha doiiinn." You rested your chin on his head, quickly getting bored.

"Working. Like you should be doing." He said, exasperated.

You made a fart sound, "Working is for nerds, me? I'm a cool guy." You walked away from him, getting ready to jump off the platform before you looked back at him. Shocked to see he was staring at you.

There was silence, again. Something so unusual for you two, for you.

"Yeah?" You asked, timid.

"Theres...." Miguel stood up, turning to you fully. "Lunch, tomorrow. Would you...like to go out for lunch tomorrow? There's a special going on at some place downtown, and I thought it'd be something that you'd enjoy."

You blinked owlisly at him, this was so...out of character for him. And he seemed apprehension, like every word he said was like pulling teeth. His fave seemed more red, his skin making it more apparent since he already had a reddish undertone.

"I-I'd love to! I mean," You cleared your throat, and stood up straight, putting on a serious persona, "Yeah sure its whatever." You snifged, wiping your nose to try and look cool.

Miguel gave you a blank stare, but unlitmatly rolling his eyes to let out a chuckle. The sight was something to behold, especially from your serious leader.

"I'll see you tomorrow! And I expect you to be wearing people clothes, since we'll be going out as people!" You laughed, jumping down and running from the platform.

Miguel just let out a fond sigh as he watched you leave. And he turned around to Lyla giving him a smug look.

He scowled, "I don't want a word from you."

She mimicked zipping her lips closed, smirking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[apoemaday]

Little Sleep’s-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight

by Galway Kinnell

I. You scream, waking from a nightmare. When I sleepwalk into your room, and pick you up, and hold you up in the moonlight, you cling to me hard, as if clinging could save us. I think you think I will never die, I think I exude to you the permanence of smoke or stars, even as my broken arms heal themselves around you.

II. I have heard you tell the sun, don’t go down, I have stood by as you told the flower, don’t grow old, don’t die. Little Maud, I would blow the flame out of your silver cup, I would suck the rot from your fingernail, I would brush your sprouting hair of the dying light, I would scrape the rust off your ivory bones, I would help death escape through the little ribs of your body, I would alchemize the ashes of your cradle back into wood, I would let nothing of you go, ever, until washerwomen feel the clothes fall asleep in their hands, and hens scratch their spell across hatchet blades, and rats walk away from the culture of the plague, and iron twists weapons toward truth north, and grease refuse to slide in the machinery of progress, and men feel as free on earth as fleas on the bodies of men, and the widow still whispers to the presence no longer beside her   in the dark. And yet perhaps this is the reason you cry, this the nightmare you wake screaming from: being forever in the pre-trembling of a house that falls.

III. In a restaurant once, everyone quietly eating, you clambered up on my lap: to all the mouthfuls rising toward all the mouths, at the top of your voice you cried your one word, caca! caca! caca! and each spoonful stopped, a moment, in midair, in its withering steam. Yes, you cling because I, like you, only sooner than you, will go down the path of vanished alphabets, the roadlessness to the other side of the darkness, your arms like the shoes left behind, like the adjectives in the halting speech of old folk, which once could call up the lost nouns. IV. And you yourself, some impossible Tuesday in the year Two Thousand and Nine, will walk out among the black stones of the field, in the rain, and the stones saying over their one word, ci-gît, ci-gît, ci-gît, and the raindrops hitting you on the fontanel over and over, and you standing there unable to let them in.

V. If one day it happens you find yourself with someone you love in a café at one end of the Pont Mirabeau, at the zinc bar where wine takes the shapes of upward opening glasses, and if you commit then, as we did, the error of thinking, one day all this will only be memory, learn to reach deeper into the sorrows to come — to touch the almost imaginary bones under the face, to hear under the laughter the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss the mouth that tells you, here, here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones. The still undanced cadence of vanishing. VI. In the light the moon sends back, I can see in your eyes the hand that waved once in my father’s eyes, a tiny kite wobbling far up in the twilight of his last look: and the angel of all mortal things lets go the string.

VII. Back you go, into your crib. The last blackbird lights up his gold wings: farewell. Your eyes close inside your head, in sleep. Already in your dreams the hours begin to sing. Little sleep’s-head sprouting hair in the moonlight, when I come back we will go out together, we will walk out together among the ten thousand things, each scratched in time with such knowledge, the wages of dying is love.

[cowboyfromh3ll]

Can we get more general Javier hcs??? like 1899 and/or modern. You write him so chikibaby, it’s my favorite 🫶

General Javier Escuella HC

HAHA YES I love writing HC for Javier. Combination of 1899 and modern

Warnings: none

When he gets into the shower and he forgets his towel he just yells out "AMORRRR" to get your attention so you can bring it to him

His inner abuela comes out when you ask what he's cooking because all he'll say in return is "caca"

Die-hard La Rosa De Guadalupe fan, he tunes in every Sunday to watch that shit

Goes absolutely dripped out to misa (church) bro. A bunch of abuelitas will approach him, calling him handsome while trying to set him up with their daughters/granddaughters/younger female relatives, and he turns em down by boasting about you

Huge fan of Mexican horror stories/legends and tries to scare you at night by telling the stories to you while in bed

Makes it a task to open mazapanes without breaking them. When he's successful, he hands them to you and says that's how careful he's going to be with your heart. Eats the ones he ends up breaking

Fantasizes about going back to Mexico and says one day you'll go back together

I like to imagine that in a modern au where EVERYTHING IS OKAY he has a huge family and they have carne asadas every weekend

Gets blackout drunk during those parties, just absolutely gets hammered every single time. Also plays his guitar and sings his heart out. Belts out those lyrics like it's the last song he'll ever sing

"QUE LE SIRVAN TEPACHE? QUE LE SIRVAN CERVEZA? QUE LE SIRVAN REFRESCO?"

"SALIERON DE SAN ISIDRO. PROCEDENTES DE TIJUANA."

He probably heavily resonates with the song "La Jaula De Oro"

"AQUI ESTOY ESTABLECIDO EN LOS ESTADOS UNIDOS. DIEZ AÑOS PASARON YA."

Calls you his "niña fresa"

I feel like he's late to everything. Fashionably so

Cannot manage his time correctly for shit

Has so many hair tries in his pockets and wrists, usually is the one handing you one

He's the biggest chismoso ever. You can always find him gossiping with the girls

Has the prettiest resting bitch face

[py-dreamer]

Oh! It's Mac(aroni)-learns-the-consequences-for his-actions o'clock!: the AU

To my marshiemallows who saw my other post, no this isn't the part two I was talking about

(it's coming dw! ...I am going to roast those fics over a pit like a rotisserie chicken...)

but this is some more Ma-caca slander so if you're into that...

"get in loser we're going to yell into some all hearing (but terrible at listening) ears"

(DISCLAIMER: I do enjoy Macaque as a character, he is well written in the show imo

This is a call-out to those who think he's just a victim and excuse his crimes in the show, in lore and make him the "uwu soft boi who needs to be protected at all cost who everyone loves including all of Wukong's subjects apparently"

and make Wukong the "selfish narcissist who's a lazy good for nothing, a monster who killed Mac for funsies then cried for centuries afterward without his waifu, doesn't deserve anything good, everyone hates him for good reason, he kills puppies on a daily bas-"

yea you get the point)

I know there're some AUs where there's an artifact that can change time or transport you into a different dimension

Yea so y'know what, let Macaque get his hands on one of them, mid battle with the monkie kids.

They tell him to calm down and give the artifact back but Mac gets pissy about an earlier conversation with Wukong.

About how he made a shrine to honor his pilgrim brothers and Mac gets mad.

He tells Wukong that it's been centuries since they've died so why doesn't he let them go and Wukong of course gets pissed too.

Then Mac-aroni bursts at him why there was nothing for the brotherhood or DBK when he sealed him or when he died

He adds some extra insults for flavor then leaves (as usual) without giving the monkey king to give his perspective and cuss him out

Back to the present, Mac decides to alter the timeline just a wee bit...

"Tang Sanzang was killed by the six eared Macaque during their first encounter"

Then we see this new world...but it's not all happy like Macaque hoped

First off, the journey was to retrieve holy scriptures from India which would help to cleanse the east apparently. But it was also because of the journey a lot of corruption was stopped (eg slow cart kingdom with its policy on Buddhism, kingdom of women and the demon guarding the abortion spring, the demon who overthrew the black river god, kidnappings in general)

So yea if it was cut short, a lot of that corruption would still be in power.

With most of the human population being overtaken by humans or corrupt kings or busy being eaten or courtnapped, yea society could not evolve. It stays mostly stagnant, so a lot of technology hasn't been invented yet and most humans (particularly lower class) are doing worse for wear.

But it wasn't his fault; it was the society and humans for being to weak to upturn itself.

Mac sees them, doesn't really care and goes off to find Wukong because hey, he's curious

However he finds the Camel Ridge trio instead and we know what kinda happened in that town.

The surrounding area is dry and barren because all the life is being sucked out of it. Heck, its probably even more arid cause the trio's reign has lasted for centuries.

They all welcome Macaque with open arms asking him where he's been and they haven't heard of him since the monk's murder.

The trio thank Mac since they heard how the monk had Wukong on a leash and how he was no more than a guard dog and they were worried that he'd make the monkey king reign his wrath on the city if they ever crossed and without him, the journey never continued and there was no encounter

He's disturbed by the friends he once loathed and fought welcoming him with open arms and owed their success to his actions.

But it wasn't his fault for their corruption, it was their city and their choices, someway or another karma will get them probably...maybe...

Since without the journey, the brotherhood never would've ended up in the ink scrolls

"Its a shame Wukong and Brother Bull can't join us"

Mac asks what they mean and where DBK was.

He learns the demon bull family were in mourning.

You see, without the pilgrims and more importantly, Sanzang and Wukong present, the sealing of the samahdi fire probably wouldn't have went the same.

They couldn't find anyone available who'd survive the flames so DBK, PIF and Nezha had to try it themselves...and were sadly unsucessful

The infant's power caused mass destruction, many deaths, injured both his parents greatly...

...and ultimately led the child to an early grave.

Leaving the clan and couple devastated for years to come.

But it still wasn't his fault: it was just due to unfortunate circumstances!

Macaque, disturbed by this leaves without saying goodbye, goes to flower fruit mountain to check on its status. Since without having to continue the journey, surely the monkey king would be basking in the sun with his subjects happily gorging themselves on fruit-

Only he comes back to a total wasteland.

As a consequence of letting the monk be killed and failing his chance at redemption, heaven punished Sun Wukong and he was never seen again (much to Mac's surprise).

But not only that, it seemed the gods took their rage out on Flower fruit mountain as well. This was the 2nd time it was burned but now they made sure to finish the job, every last tree engulfed in flames.

Without the monkey king coming back to save them, all the inhabitants were at risk of the burning and any left who fled to the mainland were captured and sold, starved or hunted and eaten. There were no survivors.

Upset by his discovery, Macaque was filled with rage at the king. How dare he not take care of their home, he failed as a friend but now as a king too. So he snuck into heaven to find out his location to find answers and yell at him.

It wasn't his fault their home was destroyed. That was Wukong's duty as king! He failed his subjects and he must pay

A tear filled Macaque snuffs through heaven's files as even he couldn't find the location of Sun Wukong's prison.

He learns that Nezha after failing to seal the fire, got terribly burned in the process probably crippling him and causing mass destruction to many nearby towns and minor gods had been cast out of heaven.

Some of the guilt started weighing in on him but he put that aside, because of course it wasn't his fault; the god was just too weak and shouldn't have stuck his nose into other's business.

And finally, the main course we've all been waiting for: confronting Wukong.

He's back under 5 phases mountain but this time with many more locks and security cautions. Macaque learns nobody had heard from the king in a 1000 years.

He finds the king and screams at him that it was his fault how FFM was now a desolate dessert devoid of life.

But to his surprise, the king laughs.

The king laughs maniacally, practically howling with laughter but with crazed eyes like a madman.

"I assume you'll blame me for 'abandoning' you too?"

He rips into Macaque about how they always swore to stay by each others side but the moment things get ugly Mac will always save his skin. And asks where was he for him through all this.

Not during the battle vs heaven.

Not during his trials.

Not during his imprisonment.

Not when he asked him to go back and leave the pilgrims alone.

Not when heaven pointed fingers at him that the monk's murder was his fault.

Not when FFM was destroyed and Wukong didn't learn until some heavenly officials told him years later as they fed him metal pellets and molten iron.

Even now, the only reason he came was to complain.

(I imagine a lil conversation to go like this:

Macaque: They abused you! They didn't free you!!

Wukong: WELL NEITHER DID YOU!!!!

Macaque:...

Wukong:...neither did you...)

Then Mac decides to ask what the pilgrims did afterward and bet they all ran off too...how wrong he was

(Macaque: Then where are your 'pilgrim' brothers now? Why aren't they here to help you the-

Wukong: they're gone

Macaque: what..?

Wukong: They're gone...They're gone...gone...DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID THEY'RE GONE!!!

Macaque: but how...

Wukong: after you fled the scene, the heavenly officials came to detain me....hahahah...I was caught in that diamond snare again and Ao Lie jumped in to defend me.

Macaque: but I thought...

Wukong: I was so distraught, I couldn't do anything...They said that it was also their fault master was dead so they'd better stay quiet if they wanted to lessen their sentence....hahahah...I watched them all die one by one Macaque...

Macaque:...

Wukong:...they all defended me...even the goddamn pig... And do you know where that lead them? They all died...Liu'er...they're dead...I WATCHED MY BROTHERS DIE IN FRONT OF ME FOR DEFENDING ME...I DID NOTHING LIU'ER...DO YOU KNOW WHERE AZURE AND THE OTHERS ARE NOW? I'M SURE THEY'RE PARTYING AND LEAVING ME TO ROT. MEANWHILE MY BROTHERS GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR A USELESS MONKEY. I COULDN'T EVEN PROTECT MY SUBJECTS...OR SANZANG...THE GREAT SAGE EQUAL TO HEAVEN CAN'T EVEN PROTECT A SINGLE HUMAN...ALL THAT TIME, TRAINING, USELESS!! SO SURE...BLAME ME ALL YOU WANT BECAUSE I DESERVE IT AT THIS POINT!!!! COME ON!!!!

Macaque: God, you've really gone mad...)

I want this man to meet his inner demons or someone able to slap him around to just really remind him of the consequences to his actions maybe some ink scroll action.

Just basically:

And maybe if I'm feeling nice we get a happy ending, Mac reverses the spell or something and perhaps says something nice to Wukong for once.

If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions on how the timeline would change, do tell I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

@furornocturna might be reminding Mac-adoodledoo of his crimes to the monkie kids in the present but I'm taking him for a roadtrip to the past

(or other present...time travel is complicated y'all)

(Again I recommend 'Fractured pieces make a mosaic' on Ao3.

I shall call them my partner in crime for Mac-caca bullying if they shall so let me have the honors...also @nightmarebunnyking...they also do good slander

No I will not stop advertising their work. Cause it's good outside of the slander, Wukong is very affectionate, we love that for him and MK collects dads like pokemon cards

also kinda want opinions on more ole'Mac-doodle had denial. E I E I O

I propose we gather in a circle and beat him with a stick

...pls interact its 1 am rn)

Also fun fact this is my 2001st post so uhh...yay..?