mmmmmmeow

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*raises hand* more littlest Wayne please 🥺

You got it!

The Littlest Wayne: Jason's Experience

You're a weird baby.

At least, that's what Jason thinks. You don't really cry about anything, you don't whine much except when you're maneuvered uncomfortably or rudely woken up from a nap before you're ready. But even then, it's almost a complaint for the sake of complaining, and not really a full-blown fit.

( It's great for allowing your new, vigilante family to sleep through the night. Horrible for their collective paranoia, which makes them get up to check and make sure you're still breathing through the night anyway. )

You're not deaf — Bruce had you taken in for a full examination and health screening while the ink on your adoption papers were still drying — so that's not why you're quiet, either. Aside from being a touch underweight, likely from whoever cared for you before, it seems like you just don't have much to be upset about.

Jason thinks that weird as fuck. Nobody is neglecting you or anything, but there are times where the lack of hunger cues make one of your brothers realize you haven't eaten since breakfast, or that nobody has checked your diaper in four hours and you've just been chilling in a wet nappy. This makes his monitoring of your general well-being increase ten-fold, to the point that he's the one that spends the most time with you aside from Bruce.

Dr. Leslie insists that some babies are just Like That. Alfred does, too. Their lack of concern helps him be less concerned. But it's still there. Surely there's something a baby would cry about; you're a fuckin baby, and that's, like, your primary job besides eating and sleeping.

He finds out that there is, in fact, something to cry about when he comes back from a week-long job as the Red Hood, having needed to leave the Manor to track down a criminal organization quickly gaining traction that he didn't like the looks of. When he wraps up the last of those loose ends, he steps into his apartment in Crime Alley and digs out his personal phone, switching it on to find dozens of messages from Bruce and his brothers.

Replacement: Dude, u need to get back here ASAP when ur done. The babe is straight tweakin

Eldest Daughter Syndrome: Heyyy lil wing 👋 no rush no rush, but swing by when you've got a sec! Our newest member misses you 🍼

Ninja Wannabe: Todd, your presence is required. Father's newest ward is screaming incessantly without you to entertain their mindless brain. I've retreated to Bludhaven to spare my ears until your return.

B: Stay safe, Jaylad. Adjusting to you being gone is a little tough for the baby, as I'm sure your brothers already told you. I just want you to know that there's no obligation to hurry back. They're okay, and the screaming isn't as bad as everyone is making it out to be.

Alfred: Good day, Master Jason. There is an entire batch of double-fudge brownies with your name on it upon your safe return. Best wishes.

You must be screaming the manor down if Alfred is bribing Jason with junk food, let alone a whole tray of it. He hurries out of his armor with half-concern, half-amusement, showers, then speeds off. In less than an hour, he's pulling into the driveway and parking his bike, and Tim was not fucking lying when he texted him.

Turns out it was good that you weren't a huge crier, because you had pipes that put opera singers to shame. When Jason steps inside, the faint, high pitched whines he heard through the door turn into full-fledged wailing. It's just a matter of following it down a couple corridors before he reaches the day room, which was recently repurposed into one of your play areas. He locks onto the image of one very distressed Dick, face flushed and cotton stuffed in his ears as he desperately jangles a set of plastic keys over your body.

"C'mon, baby bat," he croons, sounding near tears himself, "I dunno what you need. Calm down, honey, please."

You lie on a playmat in front of Dick, paying the toy no mind. Your eyes are squeezed shut, tears are running down your cheeks, your face is ruby red, and your tiny fists are clenched as tight as possible as you kick your legs and wail, and wail, and wail some more. It would be impressive if it weren't concerning.

"Whoa," Jason blurts, stepping fully into the room. Dick spots him and slumps with visible relief, like a puppet with cut strings. "They've been like this the whole time?"

"They were completely fine the first day! But next morning, we saw them looking around for you, and...well." Dick gestures helplessly to your thrashing form. Jason tuts and scoops you into his arms, wincing a bit at your shriek, and starts to gently bounce you.

"Hey, there," he mutters, "what's all this now, weirdo? You didn't have me around to spoon feed you gross baby mush or wipe your butt, and now you're making it everybody else's problem? Huh? That's rude as hell."

Your cries continue a little while longer. Jason continues to talk to you, to call your antics silly, to soothe you, until you finally crack an eye open and register just who it is that's got you in their arms. You stare at Jason kinda like he's an alien, brows furrowed and nose scrunched, but then your wails dissolve into sobs, then little hiccups, then just the occasional sniffle. One of your hands unclenches to latch onto his shirt instead, and you mush your face into his chest.

And you just. Completely stop it. Bruce, Dick, Tim, Alfred, and Damian had fallen all over themselves for days trying to soothe you, and a couple minutes of staring at Jason had completely eliminated the problem.

"You gotta move back to the Manor," Dick blurts from where he remained on the floor, wide-eyed and hands clasped together. "Please come back. Please. I am begging. On my hands and knees if you need it. I will do all your chores for the next year. Do not leave again."

"Not my fault I'm the favorite," Jason huffs, but the protective way he holds you, the concerned way he's checking over your face and throat to see if you hurt yourself crying for so long, the continued bouncing he does for you, all points to him moving back home. He makes the arrangements the next day.

And if Jason makes sure future missions he has to go on don't last more than two days, well, that's no one's business but his own.

You're still a weird baby, though. Even if Jason being your favorite is pretty cool.

[mmmmmmeow]

Riddler shakes his ass then gets obliterated

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he looks so brain dead i love him

THAT'S CLARK NOT SUPERMAN!!😂😂

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bart and his big sandwich gives me life every single time without fail omg

Impulse (1995) #2

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YEA DAMIAN YOU DIVA LMFAO he’s so sassy i love it he’s so me coded

The Boy Wonder #4

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it annoys me that i’ll never see all the colors ever. the ones the human eye cant see specifically. and the worst thing is that FISH AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA CAN???? i’m bamboozled

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look at them they’re so stupid in there little corner i love them sm they’re my children. bruce watch out i’m coming for your adoption papers

The Boy Wonder

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I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY NEW YEAR so happy new year now hahahaha ignore the fact im like two days late

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impulse, green lantern, 𝓳𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓸𝓭𝓭, billy batson and batman pls save me i love u all sm with every fiber of my being

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i’m gonna be a loser and spend new years asleep in my bed and IM PROUD OF THAT FACT 💪💪💪

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last day to reblog 😭

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine "Past Tense, Pt. 1"

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guys i think it MIGHT be january tomorrow idk tho

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“Batman has more than one son,“ I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“She’s right,” I hear. I look around for the owner of the voice. There in the fifth row, he stands: Bruce Wayne himself.

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tim drake is so cool and swagger i want to be him

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guys… i’m literally an alpha male.. when the full moons out run 🐺🐺

AWOOOOOOOOOOO 🌕🌕🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿👿🌕🌕🌕🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🌕🌕🌕🌕🌕

[mmmmmmeow]

imagine Batman had to take care of the rest of the Justice League members after a magic user turned them into toddlers/ kids

Bruce: *warms Clark's bottle*

Bruce: *sets Diana in a playpen*

Bruce: *burps Hal*

Bruce: *changes Ollie's diaper*

Bruce: *puts Barry on a child leash*

Bruce: *gives Arthur a bath*

Bruce: *puts J'onn in a Martian onesie*

Bruce: *gives Vic a green teddy bear*

Bruce: *sings Dinah a lullaby*

Bruce: *plays peek-a-boo with Zatanna*

Bruce: *holds a baby photoshoot for Carter and Shayera*

Bruce: *downloads Little Einstein for Ray*

Bruce: *puts an iPad in front of Ted*

Bruce: *starts training Billy to be Robin*

[later, back to normal]

Ollie: We're gonna pretend we don't remember all that?

Everyone: Yep.

[mmmmmmeow]

Why do they keep accidentally making him look like the coolest person alive don’t they want us to hate him