#come and cry with me I order you!
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I felt kind of guilty for not doing anything for Choi Han and Choi Jung Soo on the eighth so I made this little comic as a compensation present for both of them. First time making a comic, pls go easy on me!
And what are you saying? Choi Jung Gun who?
Bonus
#lcf#cale henituse#fanart#lcf fanart#my art#trash of the count's family#tcf#commission open#choi han#choi jung soo#lee soo hyuk#the soos#comic#commission#come and cry with me I order you!
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I think I'm less disappointed with the finale than others because I was there for the me3 finale debacle lol
The bad part is that me3 finale made sense. It was just um, straight up one of the worst ideas they could ever think of, but it made- sigh.
Here you have like, the perfect build up, the stakes are me2 level of "if I fucked up during the pt my friends are gonna pay the price", and closure with your companions. However it's contradictory asf, it forces you to break immersion and, in the wrongest moment for a rational thought makes you say "wait, why are we back to step 1? what about the bli- aw the lost elf theme ;; hold on, why aren't you bringing up the things that has been repeated nonstop via super long expositions throughout the game?? MR. MORRIS COME BACK, CONFUSE ME AGAIN"
It's gorgeous, but it doesn't make sense, and then it does, and then it doesn't again. I am confusion
Back in my days (lmaooo) we got an apology and a 2gb free dlc called "extended cut" that was like this meme
but it did patch only a few things. The finale stayed there. Immutable
and we only had to presume what went wrong during development, but then we all saw the artbook and agreed that maybe there were interferences from above and that the real treasure was the friends we made along the way and that would die horribly if you had 50% or less of reactivity that you could raise only by playing the multiplayer and those who were playing the game on a console had to spend money to gain access to it
Yeah, I don't think they're good at finales. "But at least"
#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#phylactery#bioware critical#dav critical#and fucking hell#me3 critical#<- this is a defunct tag guys you have no idea the trauma it brings back#I'm trying to remind myself that 'there is worse'#I just finished talking about this and I needed to order my thoughts lol#story repeating itself yada yada#I remember my ex playing me3 for two days straight from the day it came out. no sleep#food in front of a screen and days off school to finish the darn game because it was An Event. THE climax#and one morning I woke up and saw him in the kitchen looking at the wall with the void between his lids#'you have no idea' he said in the softest most heartbroken voice#then went straight to sleep lol#I always say that dav reminds me of me2 and like#that game has one of the best ending I've seen in action media lol#1 and 2 had great finales actually#but when it comes to final final definitive endings um#leaving earth starts playing and I'm crying on the kitchen floor#cause betrayed by beloved media
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Thinking about meeting with my tutor after their class to talk about my performance, my direction in life and my aspirations and goals. Only taking it half seriously as i take everything, their genuine concern and guidance met with avoidance more than dismissal, but still frustrating for them. They tell me im a smart man, with a potential they would hate to see me waste because of apathy. I listen to placate them more than anything else. When they say that it would benefit me to plan for my future, to find my passion and dedicate myself to it, i scoff lightly, breaking eye contact and smiling a little as i brush off their earnest pleading with a teasing "yeah, whatever dad." When i look back after a beat, their face has changed. The stillness and silence in the room suddenly tight with tension as i realise they didn't brush that one off. They look me up and down with a casual sort of surveyance as i break eye contact again, swallowing thickly as i try and fail to keep my breathing steady. "Look at me." Their voice is smooth and even. My obedience is instant. They speak more concisely now, more deliberate. As they continue I'm hanging on their every word, as if under a spell, nodding gently in answer to any questions, otherwise still and rapt. We sit in silence for a few moments. "Sometimes," they begin, slow and calm, "a person will need more guidance than a classroom allows." My heart is beating so hard against my chest im sure they can hear it. "If you would let me, i want to give that to you." Im dizzy. I feel myself nodding quickly. "Speak up." Its a gentle correction, but i feel like i'm on fire. "Yes."
"Yes, Daddy." They correct.
"Y-yes. Yes, Daddy." We sit in the silence again, me firmly in their grip, waiting on their command.
#hhhh i want someone to SEE ME!!!! RAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#imagine being so lost and begging for direction with your every action that it should be so fucking obvious you need guudance#and no one does anything!! so ready to give everything if only someone asked!!!!!!#i want someone to ask for my obedience and see that its given immediately and entirely. i want someone to take this weight from me#make the only task i have to be following your guidance. make it come from a place of love. call me a good fucking boy!!!!!#UGH!!!!!!#GOD#anyway. gay teacher becoming gay daddy. wahoo yippee.#i think this needs an extra part i was gonna write about them twisting their chair to their side and ordering me to kneel there#which i would with quiet obedience. ofc. and they would gently cup my face in their hand and say 'good boy'#to which i would gasp a little and start to cry softly with relief#because....finally.#they would wipe the tears gently with both thumbs and then stand#their arousal obvious now but its secondary. they hold out both hands and i take them as they pull me to my feet.#want them to say that i'm going home with them tonight. its what we both want. so badly. but the way it was a statement and not a question#makes my cock throb as i sink a little further into my obedience.#want them to gently squeeze my hands as they smile softly before letting go to collect their things#and maybe even mine#moving between me and the door and holding out a hand#which i take happily#GOD.#anyways lmfao.#talky
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“Xenk, please. Please wake up”
“I can’t do this without you”
#did anyone order some angsty xedgin?#i read some angsty fics and I was inspired. if you haven’t read amuses Lost and Found Anew by Mikhail you totally need to do it now!!#come cry in a corner with me#i just love hurt/comfort#ahhhh#xenk#galad’s artsy things#my art#xenk yendar#edgin darvis#xedgin#dnd hat
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a 'beginning' and 'end', a place to feel grounded, a place of bottomlessness, a place of safety and familiarity, the feelings of the living to a journey that seemed to feel as if there is no end in sight can be a burden no one can bear. a familiar feeling of floating as you fall almost endlessly, as if suspended in time, a memory that reminds you of someone from years past, a nostalgic feeling of soft gloves and pink hair, of a small smile of happiness and the faint smell of chemical and antiseptic... so close like a star. all the things you lost, all the sorrow, all the memories of cherished pain and joy shall be your guide until the end. you will reach that destination as one of the living. should you falter and feel as if time had stopped and nothing grounds you to the earth, and you feel that you have been falling endlessly without hope, may the bonds you have gained pull you up. again and again. should you fall, should your heart waver in the face of mind numbing ache to bittersweet nostalgia, everything that you keep close to your heart shall save you, one way or another. as long as there is an end to the fall, you are alive. you are alive.
#as long as you are alive#there is a destination to reach#an end is surely in sight. an end that can make you look back at your journey#and smile at it as someone who lived life to the fullest#special thanks to shachi sensei my favorite artist for obeguda forever#fgo#fate grand order#fujimaru ritsuka#guda#oberon vortigern#obeguda#GOD i ARTISTS AND WRITERS WHO INVOVLE OBEGUDA WITH ROMANI IS MY#LIFEBLOOD THEY GIVE ME THE MOST AMAZING FOOD FOREVER IM IN THER DEBT IM CRYING#romani archaman#obegudaromani#grr its a rare thing but guda's star who is romani and oberon who can only look at his master with disgust and love#with admiration and nausea as the sole reason why guda is able to come this far is because#of THAT man alone#no other servant or staff has this effect on guda but the man who guided guda and was able to#grow as a reliable master in the short time he spent with them#oberon of course has respect for romani but isnt it a curse? to love someone so much that you#have to live for them. you have to live for those you love even if it means their deaths#i am a crazy obegudaromani fan#its a rare thing but i love it ghh
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yall don't know platonic yearning like I do 😤
#all i want is a friend i can build a life with#we'll sleep in separate beds but occasionally we'll both get up for a late night snack at the same time and giggle about it#we'll call each other husband or wife while also having our freedom to seek out sex or romance outside of our partnership#there will always be someone to come home to and i won't feel the stifling pressure to perform romance for them#i want my future kids to be raised in love and friendship#i want them to know that they don't have to be a certain way in order to be loved#i want someone to hold my hair when im sick and let me cry on their shoulder when things are hard and stick up for me when i need it#i may never have this and it hurts my heart#ive told myself that being a single parent would make me happy because ill be happy as long as im not in a romantic relationship#but i don't know if thats actually true#ive resigned myself to that as a possoble future for me because being a parent is improtant to me#but there's this loneliness inside of me that I don't know I'll ever be able to get rid of#i thought i had a chance at the life i want with my ex and thats why i held on so long as tried to ignore all of our incompatibilities#but at the end of the day#hes a hopeless romantic and will always want the intense romantic love i can never give him and i will always resent those expectations#i wish things were different#personal#vent#aro tag#aromantic#platonic yearning#queerplatonic relationship#feel free to ignore but if you see this and also feel this way I'd love to commiserate :')
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My mom always complaining about how I never spend time with her.... ma'am the last time we had a serious conversation you told me you thought i was making traumatic memories of my childhood up just to demonize you
#i straight up asked her ''do you really think im a liar? do you think you raised me to be a liar?'' and she said ''yeah i guess so'' 😭#literally would rather live in fantasy land than have a conversation where she takes accountability for hurting me#its always bc she had a hard life and couldve made mine harder and everything im upset about is because of a man#aint no man tried to drag me by my hair out of the room because i refused to stop talking about how uncomfortable i was with a violent man#moving in! nuh uh girl that was YOU. and aint no man busted down my door on multiple occasions to beat my ass for#*checks notes* not wanting to continue an emotional conversation after i had already started crying and wasnt able to communicate#no sir that was YOU. that was all you and aint no man was even in the house during those times#and definitely no man ever told me that i was manipulating you and being selfish for telling you that letting a man move back in after he#broke into our house and attacked you made me feel unsafe and made my life worse.#no man brought up how traumatizing ur childhood was and then threatened to send me to live with ur rapist daddy#when i said id like to spend the summer with my dad if my only alternative was living with you and a man who threw knives at your head#and tried to strangle you several times#no man fucking did those things to me. no man ever told me i wasnt allowed to be traumatized by his violent behavior bc he had it worse as a#kid. YOU said that to me. many times. every time i ever brought up my pain to you. and you still fucking do that#you sprayed windex into your mothers eyes when you were 23 during a fight but if i start yelling after you push me to talk to u#and then insult me when im honest then suddenly its ''i Never acted as bad as you did and my parents were so much worse''#no. i fucking remember girl. i was alive for that. you were a nightmare and your parents deserved it#but you werent always a peach to me and when i talk about that its not an insult its the fucking truth#and i cant come to meet you where youre at because youre no longer in the thick of a traumatic and dangerous situation#you and your man are settled down and u felt safe enough to marry him and you run the house and earn all the money#and you've done a lot of work to heal yourself and be better but that man and i had to meet you were you were at when you were at your worst#in order for you to feel safe and secure enough to start that process. and now this is Not me at my worse#i shielded and protected you from my very worst because i always felt like if you saw your kid coming undone it would hurt you#but if you cant even meet me in the middle now then we cant have the relationship you want. it would be a lie#it would be a lie and it would be a betrayal of myself. bc i cant be honest with you right now#every time i try you take it personally and we get into a fight. so dont act like my distance and privacy#is some sort of slight against you or a punishment. i am trying to keep the peace
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One thing that has deeply annoyed me about the response from Americans/Westerners about this week's events in Korea is that a lot of them, including people I like and respect, are like, "The protesting civilians and lawmakers who barged into the National Assembly would've been shot if this were the U.S./this would've never happened in the U.S. because people are too afraid of being shot." There's some truth to that, at least with regard to state violence, but I'm fed up because it doesn't account for how frightening this could have turned out to be had it not been for how much of an inept flop dunce Yoon Sukyeol is. It minimizes the courage of those who showed up.
Sure, it was likely that the military and riot police wouldn't have done much (again, YSY's self-coup wasn't thought out well, and there's more evidence of that as military officials and soldiers are speaking up about the lack of information they received, but I'll refrain from talking about that to avoid making this even longer than it inevitably will be, knowing myself), but let's not pretend there haven't been issues with them in recent years. They pepper sprayed and used water cannons during an anniversary rally for the Sewol ferry victims (x) (x) (if you don't understand how unbelievably cruel that is, look into the horrific Sewol ferry sinking). They tear gassed crowds (Korea has a gruesome history of this) and sprayed water cannons, and citizens have been injured and killed during the 2015 protests and 2016-17 Park Geunhye impeachment protests, notably Baek Namgi, an elderly activist whose death caused global outrage (x) (x). Park Geunhye was going to enforce martial law during those protests according to a leaked document, with hundreds of tanks, thousands of soldiers and special force troops! (x)
Not to mention, there are decades of extreme state violence that have scarred an entire country and are still super fresh for a huge percentage of the population. Again, check out that tear gas history piece. Look up the April Revolution, Gwangju massacre, and June uprising and see just how bloody they were. Thousands of civilians were tortured and killed. Look at how many protests were going on year after year during the 1980s. That isn't that long ago! All those older people who ran to the National Assembly to stop the coup? You bet a lot of them were college students who protested during that time or knew people who did. All the younger people? They may not have experienced what it was like living under martial law, but as I said, state violence still occurs, however much it's dwindled over the years, and you have to account for generational trauma. I don't think I'll ever forget the way I felt when I saw the breaking news alert about the martial law declaration on December 3. I've never experienced that, at least to that degree.
Instead of viewing the response from civilians and elected officials through the framework of police brutality in the U.S., it should be contextualized using Korea's own history. Thankfully most of the serious discussions are doing this, but like I said, even people who are smart about reading up on things have reflected on how this wouldn't fly in the U.S., not because of the difference in protest history, civil movements, and public engagement with both in the two countries but because of the military/police response. There's an insinuation there that Koreans would be more reluctant to do what they did if they knew what it's like to live in fear of violence instead of living in such a safe country like Korea...and I want to yell.
It was monumentally brave of everyone to do what they did to stop the coup. We're all laughing at how stupid the coup was and there's a reason why people were more furious than scared because of the political history of Korea and the laws set in place to protect the democracy and neutralize coup attempts, but this could have easily become a disaster. It's not alarmist of me to say so because there was no way for anyone to be 100% sure of how the military would react—especially when no one knew what the hell was going on.
#i am...not vibing with these posts about how people are like 'omg those poor soldiers/good on them for dragging their feet'#yes mandatory military service means being there against your will#and i DO believe a lot of soldiers probably were super shaken or confused by what was going on#especially with the news coming out that soldiers weren't aware of what their mission was#to find out your orders and see your people look at you with rage disgust and maybe even fear especially as a young person...#i get that it's upsetting and you can tell that a lot of them didn't want to be there!#but lol are we forgetting there are people who weren't conscripts involved?#are we forgetting that people will follow directions if it's drilled into them to do say especially with the threat of retaliation?#are we forgetting that mandatory military service goes back decades#and amazingly soldiers and police still committed atrocities against civilians during previous protests or what?#idk i think it's your moral duty to engage in weaponized incompetence malicious compliance insubordination etc.#when you're asked to do something evil so i don't really want to praise people for being decent#even if i'm glad they did and i'm relieved they did it you know? but that's just me#omg sorry i'm ranting. ANYWAY! history in every single country has shown#how easy it can be for things to go south rapidly so while there were things that made the coup expire as quickly as it did#and it's HILARIOUS and i'm enjoying myself...it could have turned out very different#just a few wrong turns—just ONE wrong turn—and it could have been bad#rules and orders are good and all but if someone wants to commit violence they will do it#i'm just relieved i didn't have time to worry myself sick over this before it was all over lmao#so i can just feel a lot of pride and admiration for everyone doing their best to exercise and protect their rights#and do it with great panache and fun. the protests are like concerts! the protest songs are so funny#the signs!!!!! i'm dying over them. the number of people paying for food and drinks for the protestors#enough that businesses in the protest areas had to stop taking prepaid orders!#the older people who said they have to get to the front that night to protect all the young protestors with their bodies#in case the military tries to attack civilians! 😭 that part made me almost cry#the ajusshi who (drunkenly?) shouted how much he loved all his friends who came out to protest like the old days#democracy is fragile and we have to protect it#and i think korea right now is a shining beacon of the power of the people
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always so funky to be reminded that your parents might love you but they don’t actually like you very much
#wasn’t i supposed to leave that feeling behind with puberty?#anyway mama decided i have no christmas wish#the sad little guy who can’t get nice things for themself also doesn’t get to ask for them now during the ‘ask for things’ time of the year#it’s not about christmas it’s not about material things it’s about looking me in the glassy eyes and asserting ‘you have no wish’#when wishing is all i ever do you just never create a space safe enough for me to voice them#blah#not st#i’m so so sorry that whining is all i ever do anymore and i shouldn’t be so sad about this over and over again#i’m just. so small. tiny. and insignificant. i might not have been there all day and 99% of the conversations would have happened the same#i wanna stop feeling this way but i think in order to stop feeling this way i need to stop wanting to be loved and seen and listened to#by my mom. and i don’t think it’s entirely human or possible to stop wanting that. so oh well#i don’t know if i give them reason to like me. maybe i don’t. this might all be on me actually.#if she knew i’m crying about this she’d roll her eyes and say ‘you know how i am. sorry you misunderstood me’#why do the blows keep coming? when’s it my turn to rest?
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i know i've been very culty on here about period underwear and reusable period products in general whenever i've brought up the topic in the last year or so but i mean it sincerely. i have never spent my money on a product that just simply improved my life so much. game-changing isn't even the beginning of it. i look forward to how much better my periods are now since i no longer have to depend on gross disposables. period underwear is the shit
#the best thing is it doesn't even feel wet. it doesn't even feel wet#like when you're a kid and you're new at it and all you can think about is how much you dont wanna be on your period anymore#and how much you wanna go back to just wearing your underwear like a normal day#with period underwear. you're just wearing underwear. and it DOES feel like a normal day#menstruation cw#other than y'know you're continuously bleeding and maybe you have cramps or whatever#other than having a kinda swimsuity texture (cant think of a better way to describe it) it just feels like underwear#it's JUST underwear#tales from diana#i mean im not even on my period rn although i am getting closer to it#i just bought ordered some new stuff and once this comes in. i'll be disposable-pad free forever#like i could cry about that#including some cloth pads (ive never tried them before)#i figured i could keep one or two of those in my purse or whatever for emergencies#the ONLY (and i mean only) inconvenient thing about period underwear is that it's much less convenient to just change or put on in public#on light or moderate days for me at least they can last the whole day. on heavy days it's good to change every 12 hours#and i can typically depend on doing that at home#but if i have a cloth pad for emergencies then i never have to rely on a disposable EVEN IN THE CASE that my period comes unexpectedly.#i mean it like i'm genuinely excited about this#i have only mentioned it a handful of times to friends in the year-plus that i bought that first pair of thinx#but i would literally buy any of my friends who menstruate a pair or a pack if they asked#like im very passionate about what a life improvement it has been#why do you think i'm always vag-angelizing about it these days?
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kept on thinking about some of the more emotional beats of the kurokara lore while i was trying to fall asleep last night and i just... i need to explode...
#i was mostly thinking about the whole other side to osomatsu-san in hell where kuroba's trying to navigate their grief#there's a moment where kuroba's getting their usual weekly shipment of flowers and they realize they forgot ->#to change the quantity of red roses they always order ( they started ordering extra after kara became a regular )#for the most part they've been able to navigate things seemingly well. sure they've been more melancholic but they SEEM alright#and they try to handle this moment well too. makes a joke about how they're gonna have to have a sale on rose arrangements for a bit#but then they just. kinda break down crying. he's still everywhere despite not being there and it's so crushing.#kuro finally understands how their granddad must've felt when their grandma passed away....#there's a more lighthearted follow up to that moment tho#basically the delivery driver makes sure the quantity of roses is correct ( it's the same was before )#but kuro cheerfully tells them that the person they order them for is a regular again so it's alright#after that the delivery driver tells them that they're glad they made up with their boyfriend#when kuro's like excuse me??? they say '' you get the roses for the guy in the leather jacket right? i see him come in sometimes ->#after i finish deliveries but i hadn't seen around recently. glad things worked out for you yotsubana. :) ''#and then they leave before kuroba can clarify things. rip.#i'm going out for a bit but once i get back i NEED to finish the art for the first kurokara lore post i was working on#ship : kurokara#mj rambles
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Here’s two doodles (late night edition)
#Malevolent#Malevolent Podcast#6#WOW LIKE WHERE DO I EVEN START#First like them talking and stuff#John sorry bby you felt isolated but I mean come on friends never hurt anyone#And NOEL!!! Frickin’ love this guy#SO MUCH USEFUL INTEL WHAAAAT. CHARON TREASURER ORDER SIGIL LIKE SO CRAZYYYYY#AND JOHN WAS PART OF THE CONVERSATION!!! I have no idea why the second Arthur started talking I just burst out laughing for like.#So many minutes#But it was so wholesome and gratifying! Like we only get this type of freedom with Kayne bc he can hear John so having a trustworthy friend#Hearing us is nice#Unrelated but soundscapes were really good this ep like dang surely one of my fave eps of the season#And then um. Whatever Aldrich and Percival scenes were#That story was kinda cute I forgot about it way to tie it back to the beginning during the penultimate#JOHN STOP FORGETTING THINGS WE NEED TO BE PAST THIS#MARIE GIRL I’LL MISS YOU YOU WERE VERY FUN AND EPIC AND OUR FIRST WOMAN CHARACTER SO UHH YEAH#ALSO YOU TALKING ABOUT UR SON MADE ME WANT TO CRY OKAY HAHAHA#Noel!!! He’s just the best I tell ya#WHEN HE WAS LIKE UR OFFICE CUMMINGS DREAMLANDS KING IN YELLOW PRISON PITS THE CANA ADAM FRY LIKE OH MY GOOOOOOODDDDDDDD#I DIED IT WAS LIKE SO CRAZY HE LIKE KNOWS SO MUCH IS SO SIMILAR TO US IT’S CRAAAAAAZY#AND DUDE IT’S REALLY HARD TO NOT CALL YOU NOEL STILL#WE GONNA BREAK! IN! AND IT’S GONNA BE EPIC!#ANS THEN WE’RE OFF TO ENGLAND!!! WHAT I’M SO EXCITED#FIRST MIZU FROM BLUE EYE SAMURAI GOES TO ENGLAND AND NOW ARTHUR WHAT A TREAT#MALEVOLENT’S SO COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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#1440p is CRAZY#i love crying. anyways#i have thoughts...as im rewatching this.....#i like the delivery but you have to wonder about the line of god is punishing us....for what we've done#like mmm we need to unravel that more#and im sad forever bcus possibly they did but there were so many deleted scenes and we can't watch them#bcus unspooling that is like...well what does that mean tho lol#executions related to the oath of supremacy ? bcus henry never expresses regret for those#it is often a thread in fiction#it's in the tudors. that he orders more's execution but has mixed emotions about it and decides that anne is to blame#but when you look at the contemporary evidence that's really a stretch#yk. attending a play celebrating it. walking on foot MILES to see it.#he doesn't even seem to have anything you could circumstantially attribute to regret. no moves of generosity towards more's kin#like he does with the men he orders the deaths of in 1536...#like henry norris' heir hviii 'restored in blood'. which i always thought was. hmmm#obviously he eventually came to believe their marriage was cursed#so that could be the 'what we've done'#but like...idk...the vibe i got from the line was almost more like he was suggesting...for abandoning catherine?#and their treatment of her memory esp since in this series anne wears yellow and he doesn't#which is so...tiresome to me lol#ik ppl want it to be true#but there's nothing (contemporary; again) to suggest he regretted his treatment of catherine. ever#he never reversed his belief that he was never married to coa .#despite eventually coming to believe the same of his with AB
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guy who has only read kekkaishi, watching interstellar for the first time: wow this guy is soooo sumikocore
#just thinking thoughts...#good news everybody! interstellar was great!!#so sad that I got to watch it and karasuma didn't. I think he would have liked it#and yoshimori? he would have been devastated#I think it goes like this. sen would ask yoshimori and tokine to watch it at the theaters with him bc he doesn't want to watch it alone#knowing nothing more than sen said someone else said it was really good#they go. movie starts. when it becomes clear that the dad is going on a trip to save the world and he will likely never return#tokine starts shooting angry glares at sen who is staring defensively back like I did not know about the plot dont come after me#obviously yoshimori is crying sobbing at multiple points#like audibly dry heaving in the theater. other people are looking at him. he doesn't care he's having a moment with his mom#when the movie ends and they go to Birdy's (knockoff Denny's) for dinner#he smiles placidly and goes 'damn it was nice that she got to see her dad just once before she died' with the musou and everything#and sen and tokine are both tryna be like. damn. um. are you okay brother. and they know he's not but also don't know what to do#two weeks later an interstellar dvd arrives at their place and sen and tokine are having a hushed whisper argument about it#like yeah that was a good movie but why would you order this#what the fuck are you on I didn't order it can you stop just assuming shit???#and yoshimori just comes by and goes 'oh nice it's here!' and casually grabs it from them#and trots off to a distant part of the house and they can audibly hear him go#'hey dad I watched this awesome movie with sen and tokine a while ago we should watch this together some time'#THE END. thanks for reading this comic with me that's in my head. you should be able to see it
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i feel like im starting to experience emotions more, might be due to a couple months ago stopping taking my anxiety/depression/ocd meds because i couldnt get more refills? but whatever reason why, its wild
ive always been 'low empathy', and never ever could feel actual excitement or sadness when i was supposed to. i remember opening the letter to find out i was accepted to an art school when i was 10, my mom was filming, all i could say was 'yay' and try to act like i felt anything about it. i knew i was happy, but nothing in me could show it or even really *feel* it. i never cried when sad things happen, only out of frustration or if something was particularly triggered. its honestly awful sometimes to live like this and just.. be incapable of attachment or emotions, or attempting to comfort someone having it be forced and practised because it feels so foreign
but now im starting to cry more, which is a start i suppose. particularly at words, its like i can finally feel the *meaning* and emotions of a speech or song, rather than there being the feeling of a squeeze in my chest or usually nothing at all. i cant tell if i like it or not lol! its so weird, youre telling me folks are supposed to be feeling this way? nuts
#kay natters#autism#funny how a consistent theme of my ocs is 'autistic person who learns to appreciate the people around them' because its like yeah. thats me#expanding on the comforting part having to be practised: as a preschool teacher you do a *lot* of comforting#because kids will cry every day no matter what#and comforting does *not* come naturally to me at all. verbal or physical#im definitely getting better though. through observation and practise and its getting more instinctual#im probably still weakest at verbal but im only just starting my second year so i have a lot to learn#idk. humans are weird. wish i could be one someday#also i couldnt get more refills because i have yet to find a new primary care provider#finally ordered a sim card so i can do everything from getting SNAP to insurance to various other price reduction stuff#since everything requires having a phone number (totes super accessible for those who need it most)#but yeah im excited to start seeing a doctor regularly again. and to get more refills
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