#colllege life

[satoruhour]

*runs in*

colllege athlete!au where jjk men see you in their varsity jacket and just goes batshit crazy. They defo win the game afterwards and fuck you in it, best orgasm of your life.

*runs out*

❄️

a/n: MY LORD .......................... YOU JUST UNLOCKED SUM IN ME ICY !!!!! discussions of p -> v sex, unprotected sex, breeding, oral f! receiving, name calling, semi-public sex, long LONG post

gojo would def be the one to suggest it at first. hes even offering to buy two jackets just for you but then youre like “but i dont want you to waste money satoru... plus i want it to smell like you..!” omg that makes gojo cum on the spot lmfao. but is mostly caught off guard when you first wear it - it happens when its the half time of the game and his team is not doing particularly well bc he made u a little upset the night before and he felt bad :( youve been on his mind for the whole game and hes so distracted poor boy. but u also think you were being a little childish in how you reacted, so youre stealing his varsity jacket way earlier than he leaves and hes so confused when that morning he cant find it. shows up to the game in another jacket and got an earful from his coach that no one really likes, and bc theyre doing so badly, at half time the coach didnt want to meet with them for pep talk either. boo fuck the coach but anyway, youre rushing down to the lockets and whatnot in his jacket. feels like straight out of a movie dude omg. that troy and gabriella shit bc gojo is dragged outside and is hugging you close and muttering apologies into your neck, kissing u all over sigh. its gotten him a big boost of adrenaline tho! and as the star player of his team a lot of his teammates feed off of his energy. gojo is the last to leave the locker room, wanting to have a little more time with you. he twirls you around and admires you in his large jacket and makes out with you until he hears the buzzer from outside LOL. gives u a deep kiss, “ill win and fuck you good later, alright princess?” “go get ’em, satoru. i’ll be here always.”

yeah he def fucked you good later on, making you strip out of everything but his jacket and pounded u nice and good in the locker room long after everyone left. made you ride him on the benches, ate you out as you sat on the benches and kept thanking u for being his lucky charm thru all his matches. the grip on your hips were so heavy they were pprobably bruised, and the clanking of the lockers were so noisy it was a wonder you two werent caught. “that’s right, baby— taking my cock like the good girl you are,” you’re pushed up against the university lockers and railed into from brhind, sticking his fingers into your mouth as he made u arch your back in that varsity jacket of his. ooh lord. brought you out on a winning date and fucked u in his car, fucked you back at his home all the while wearing his jacket !!!!!!!

/

geto has never thought of it personally, but he wonders about it one day, thinking bout you in it without anything and he gets hard as heeellllll. has been wantin to put you in it for the longest time but just didnt have the opportunity to - youre always prepared with a cardigan or jacket of your own or you simply just dont get cold much to suguru’s dismay. so when you’re shivering one day before a game (sometimes they would watch the match before to get a sense of the two teams, and also bc you wanted to travel light handed for the date geto was going to bring you to after), geto’s so so quick to offer up his varsity jacket before you can think of any counter to it. but what you dont tell him is that youve been “avoiding” in a way, just bc you know if u get access to his jacket he will never. get. it. back. you have a knack for stealing his clothes bc geto smells good good and youre addicted to his scent. but either way youre trying not to gasp at the largeness of the jacket ... 🙏 same girl. you’re slipping one arm and then the other, wrapped in the safeness of geto’s jacket and hes trying so hard to show u that he isnt shivering LMFOAOAAOAO thank god the match was ending already and his team was up next. gojo only nods towards you later in the locker room as you stay thru their coach’s talk, smiling sickly bc he just knew what his best friend was going to do afterwards.

soon enough he can hear the cheers of the spectators flood his ears but hes only focused on you running up to him from the bleachers and hugs you close in his sweaty body (which u protest against and laugh about), but hes whispering “you dont mind though, right baby?” yeah you DEF dont mind it when he pulls you into the janitor’s closet and his body is grinding against yours. “was so hard playing through the game, yknow how difficult that is?” you reply back with i cant imagine with a giggle and let him do whatever he wants to you: hes so impatient he cant pull his game pants down all the way and the same goes for you. both your bottoms are stuck atound your thighs, and youre trying to stay quiet in that squeezy closet. it’s hard. youre so wet you dont exactly need foreplay, just maybe some brief fingering which has you whining into his neck and he slips in after. fucks you until the pails and cleaning supplies are falling to the floor and youre hoping to take off the varsity jacket but he refrains you from it, loving the way ur white shirt is turning wet from all your sweat. it’s sloppy, disgusting, juices spurting everywhere and youre so tight from your pressed-together thighs. i guess he has no choice but to put you in a mating press too and he goes so deeeep in that position you moan out loud. “yeah— made to take my cock like a slut, ain’t ya? only natural when you’re lookin’ so good in my jacket.” getos gross and u love it.

/

nanami fits better as an alumni whos come back for a friendly current students vs alumni match. hes entering the gym with haibara and his two annoying seniors gojo and geto and while they talk a lot of crap theyre great players. nanami comes up to greet you since youre still their manager and hes one year above you. dating across years is a little difficult esp with how nanami was in his last year of uni, and now that hes looking for work while u finish your last year .... it’s hectic thats for sure, but u guys make it work perfectly fine bc nanami prioritises you a lot!! but late youve been busy with midterms and him with settling in with his new job that he almost forgot about today’s match. is met with nostalgia the first time he steps intothe gym again but he never expected you to wear the varsity jacket that’s stuffed deep into your closet. frankly it doesnt fit him at all any mroe but you thought it to be fitting to wear it in this once in a lifetime match (bc hes just so busy!!!! to book a date w/ nanami is like going to the army dawg). nanami’s jaw drops when u first step foot into the gym and oh my god youre going to be the umpire too? he is going to become too distracted, instantly taken back to the many many times hes gotten you trapped in the gym bathroom with his cock in your mouth, or the time you ride him in the empty gym in the corner (it was late at night!!!!), or also the time right after his loss where he took all his anger and frustration out on you, jersey between his teeth as he uses you. something switched in nanami that day when u expressed how much u liked the roughness tee hee. surprisingly hes even more focused, in a way of proving something to himself bc he can probably count on everyone’s hands the number of times hes missed a cue from a teammate before when he was still in school just cause u were wearing his jacket 😭😭😭 man you dont even need to be in the jacket! thats how obsessed he is with u!!!

shoots you a small smile after each point and is trying to hard not to run to you to get a good job kiss. also finds the fact that youre judging appropriately and not showing biasness just cause nanami’s on one team really really hot! the way you call the shots, give the accurate penalties and that booming voice of yours echoing thru out the gym ..... youre so good at being umpire that even the juniors cant deny they lost fair and square and not just cause youre nanami’s girl. altho bc you two are so good at hiding they dont rlly suspect anything until hes kissing you - something that even he isnt that comfy with but he just needed to show off !!!!! that isnt the case when later he has you back in the gym, reminiscent of that one time!!! but nanami found it so hot, hes backing you back up into the quiet gym, illuminated by the moonlight. its way late after dinner and the uni students have gone back to their dorm already while the alumni has departed for their homes and its just you. thank god the gym is also located in a place that is a little secluded and disconnected from the campus so it isnt long before youre both making out against the walls of the gym, moans and sounds echoing in the large hall. “just like old times?” “yeah. except ill be taking my time with you” yeah, u take ur time indeed: the gargling of your mouth and groans of nanami is so disgustingly filthy, slobbering all over his dick and he also eats you out on the floor. when he stretches u out with his fingers you can hear yourself bc youre so wet that you drip to the floor. but none of u give a shit when you settle atop nanami and start riding him needily, bouncing and moaning out his name. the way the sounds of your slapping skin makes it way back to is gross!!!! but so hot!!!! its so lewd !!! you get tired soon enough and nanami thrusts up into you with whispers of ur name in the gym. u do that hot thing where you pull up your shirt and pull down ur bra so your tits r spilling out .... OOOOOOHH it gets nanami cumming instantly, esp with the large frame of the varsity jacket on you that he cums more than usual <3333

/

toji, rather than a player, is a coach for the team. youre the manager whos helping with all the admin stuff and waterbottles/towels and with moral in the team - kind of like kiyoko and yachi in hq, but when u show up always no one knows whose varsity jacket youre wearing. they all speculate between themselves and have their thoughts but the team members never suspect that it’s their own coaches one. it looks too similar to the team’s with no name on the back, the sewing is exactly the same and the small logo of their team takes its place on the left breast as usual. but they never bother to check the inside where toji has made a large blotched ‘T’ on the label and your name squeezed in on the underside. toji loves to see it on you, esp in games and while hed love to see it on you outside of it he cant run the risk that he’s dating the manager. but he also especially loves it when you surprise him at home: wearing his jacket with nothing but your panties, prancing around and doing chores as he comes back from another gruelling match. ohhhh the things he’d do to you... but the best is when you do it in public. that changes the whole game

you’re helping with practice here and there, picking up the stray shuttlecocks/volleyballs/whatever sport around the gym as they practice their drills, but toji realises you dont reach over and bend like you usually do - normally youd do it when you know toji’s the only one to be standing behind you so he can see your panties under the short skirt but you dont do ANYTHING so he wonders if he did smtg wrong. but also you’re squatting down to pick up things? it’s only later when you saunter up to him as his team is distracted and you unzip the jacket just a little and he gets the glimpse of the lingerie set he bought you and very very riskily bringing his hand down to your centre where you’re bare. toji groans to himself when he feels that youre already so wet, playing with your folds just barely until his student calls out to him and youre both shocked out of your daze. “you’re in for it, doll.” takes u to the equipment room, and fucks right after dismissing the team. “doing this typa shit in front of the boys? dirty girl.” youre holding onto the shelves of the equipment and it’s rattling so much that things are tethering so close to the edge, it’s insanity. the sight of his cock disappearing into you while you wear that short skirt is just pure serotonin for him, plus your moans echo a lot throughout the room along with the slapping of ur skin. stuffs the collar of the varsity jacket into your mouth to keep you quiet as he cums in you <3333 “look at that...” sighs when he removes his cock from you and cum drips to the floor, “my pretty manager.”

OKAY BYE . I NEED TO BE SPAYED.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

6.28.24 Friday

9:03 am

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish coz of my stagnant situation....My river can't flow correctly...

Early in the morning Uncle DD approach me that it is a good timing that they are there coz the meralco man will nearly cut our electric....But Uncle DD and Aunt Karen are handling the fundings....Thankful but I'm not happy being a suppporter though they gave 1 sack of rice... They will not assist me on my vanities or toiletries....

I'm still not happy...

Will continue my list of friends here...

Best-friend's list:

1. Apple 2. Mitchang 3. Willa Biology in De La Salle coz I know 2 Willa's the other is on Medicine School 4.Roshena Isaac 5. JP Alintanahin 6. Brien Neil Cantimbuhan 7. Antonietto Saberon 8. Noreen Caparas 9. EMS 10.Chariz 11. Monette 12. Rose Marie Lasco 13. Ivan 14. Renalyn Espinoza 15. Rina 1 & 2 16. Karen Jarata 17. Jerome..

18. Thea-- I met Thea in De La Salle, she was originally an HRM student then she switched to Biology coz she wanted to be a doctor and I just smiled at her.... I was just quiet on her when we became an instant friends on that particular Biology Class, I think in Anatomy. It was my last year in colllege and I felt lazy so, I didn't actually study that much on that subject... She is super nice and very calm.

19. Leomen Rizalde-- My high school friend and we actually became an instant friends here when they moved here in Cavite. They bought a house on the next village here the South Garden. We became friends since 2nd year high school. She is naughty and very jolly kind of person. Bisexual and talkative... Flirty and Spicy and stubborn but a good friend. Now, she is in Canada or States as medtech...

20. Eric Judar--My high school friend with the others since 2nd year high school. We both have the same trait as "sleepy head" coz we are always sleepy during our break time. He is I think as far as I can remember a "sakristan mayor" in their church in Roman Catholic. He is always smiling,quiet and mysterious. But a good friend as well... Soft but a real man.

21. Cristine Sysu-- We met in FEU Recto became classmates for the entire year. She is really smart and very concious as well on her waist line like Mitch and Noreen, she doesn't have any fats on her waistline during our college days and I was always and still chubby. She is cute and talkative and a true friend and flirty and fighter. She always update me about her love life or love affair on her other friends....

22. Mark Sherwin Torres-- We met in FEU -Recto , we became good friends and somehow more than friends... or Let's say M.U. He is cute,tall and having chinky eyes... A Born Again Christian. He was an architect student but then switched to being a nurse when they went to New Jersey.

23. Ely--- Just recently here in this village coz I asked a back-up from him on so many stuff since I'm still a bummer... But originally he was a friend of my bestfriend Apple. We got a along for a year now, I think so... He is in our neighbourhood here in our village. He is very supportive and a good friend but when he is drunk, sometimes he can't control the bad spirit that is entering inside his brain nerves... But I told him to practice being aware though he is drunk...

10:26 am

Got my "Guasha".... Yey! Looking forward on modern vanities...

12:22 noon

Still,have windblow...

I feel bitterish... I still wanna get some vanities... I wanna travel and buy Starbucks everyday... I wanna go to gym and be fit.

Gain new uppish friends... I feel self-pity... I wanna buy stuff... How can I pay my loans? I need to have a self-fulfillment, earning.I wanna get a nose perfection.

I feel ugly and fat and old... I hate my cousin white for being married....

I hate Mitch if she did a simple battery on me and not even saying hi to me...

I wanna leave Cavite but I can't...17 years, I feel self-pity... I wasn't able to meet upper friends to lift me up...

I can't find a bf that I want... I want the face of my cousin white and Garret's face.

If I want someone I will post it here... I wanted a movement supposed to be but I want me the center!!!

On men that I will like, as much as possible, I want an only child if there is that I can adore the face...As much as possible, I don't want a bf who has a sister....I have complex right now... As much as possible, no sister... " As much as possible"....I have complex....I feel ugly!!! I don't like if someone will take my place or compete me. I hate being a supporter for 17 years.... As much as possible, I'm avoiding a man that has a sister and the looks and aura is like a star on screen or they prepared so much for their wonderful family tandem introduction to me.

I feel bitter already coz I'm no longer spoiled... I have no x-factor.these days....I'm no longer pampered!

I feel bitter I can't see my old good friends and I'm not prepared... But I have to see them, now that I have windblow but they are all missing in action in my life.

10:04 pm

Still,have windblow...

Thanks Marah & Kuya Erning for the 11th water container...

[facewithoutheart]

15 Questions

Rules: Answer these 15 questions, then tag 15 people.

Thanks for the tags @nausikaaa, @theearlgreymage, @johnwgrey, @aristocratic-otter, @raenestee, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @cutestkilla, @stitchyqueer & @larkral! It’s been so fun reading your answers and getting to know y’all.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Sorta! My mom had a friend named Chrissie [insert my maiden name here] and she liked the sound of it so she named me Christina. Then a famous soap opera actress named her baby Christina and insert wave of same names. But death to anyone who calls me Chrissie.

2. When was the last time you cried?

This morning, reading a fic 🙄 I like how I say fics don’t make me cry but I’ve cried the last three days reading fic.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope! Never been super interested in having kids, and hopefully I’m too old now.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sarcasm is my love language.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

A lot of people saying vibes on this… and I concur. I’m not super observant so I can’t think of physical characteristics that I immediately lock onto. I feel like I do some mix of “do you have a chance of ‘getting’ me?” plus “do you feel safe?” with a bonus “do you like me?”

6. What's your eye color?

Green.

7. Scary movies or happy ending?

Def happy ending. Not a huge scary movie fan at all.

8. Any special talents?

Apparently my pain tolerance lol OOPS. But also I tend to be fearless about a lot of things that scare other people? Not calling strangers though; that terrifies me. I’m also really good at word searches.

9. Where were you born?

Florida, can’t you tell by my tan? (I am very, very white.)

10. What are your hobbies?

Writing, traveling, running, reading.

11. Do you have any pets?

No, but I really want a bunny.

12. What sports have you played?

Tennis (blech) and swimming (yay!). Does yoga count? I also did jazz, tap, ballet, and gymnastics as a kid.

13. How tall are you?

5’7”

14. Favorite subject at school?

English in HS and anything writing in college. I also took a Narratives of Mental Disorders class in colllege that changed my life.

15. Dream job?

Tough question, and I really liked how @cutestkilla answered this so I kind of want to go “same” but I wish writing, reading and beta-ing fanfic was a real job, lol. I also have a dream where my husband and I retire at 55 and start a writing & science/math after school academy where we tutor at-risk kids in those subjects at zero cost. Sort of to provide parents who work late with free child care while also strengthening skills necessary to succeed after high school.

Tagging @martsonmars @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @palimpsessed @stardustasincocaine @creepyspice @fatalfangirl @captain-aralias @thewholelemon @bazzybelle @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @sseawitch @ileadacharmedlife @skeedelvee

[mowiexpip]

What a memorable date! Ang mabuhay at mag kolehiyo sa gitna ng Pandemya ay hindi naging madali sa akin, sainyo o baka sa iba rin? Ang pagbubukas ng panibagong semestre ay isang hudyat nang pagtahak muli sa face to face class- ngunit hindi na mga dating kaibigan at kaklase ang madadatnan mo sa apat na sulok ng silid kundi mga bagong imahe at piyesang hindi mo pa nakakabisa at ugaling hindi mo maipinta ; > . Kaya naman hindi naging magandang ideya para sa akin ang f2fclass- natakot ako sa mga bagay na haharapin, recitation, exam na wala ng katabing module at maramii pa, PERO sa gitna ng kaba at alinlangan hindi ko inaasahang makakahanap ako ng mga taong kasabay ko sa paghahangad, pagrereklamo sa colllege life, pagkain ng pares at siomai rice, pagbibiruan ng "tara shabu" (again this is only a joke, pa drugtest mo pa kami!) pero punong puno ng pangarap at siguradong bubusugin ka sa kalokohan, kababuyan?, kasamaan at kabutihan syempre! Salamat at naging Kaibigan ko kayo, <3 P.S I am not into making tagalog barkada letter but there's always an avenue for improvement kskskskks

[rebelbyrdie]

Random OUAT HeadCanons

Here are some things that live in my head but I’m not 100% sure I’ve talked about before.  

Midas and Frederick/Jim - When Midas got his golden touch, he accidentally turned his wife to a gold statue.  This was, of course, hidden and the Queen was publicly announced to have died of a fever.  He then commanded all magicians, alchemists, fairies, and any magic user to come to his palace to help him find a cure.  The cure was not found in magic, but by the gauntlet he wore. The smith that fashioned it for him, did not want gold.  He wanted his children to have a better life.  His daughter was promised an education and a noble marriage.  His son was given the training and title of Knight.  So Freddy the Smith’s Boy became Sir Frederick.  Midas never forgot the boy’s humble birth and when Abbigail wanted to marry him, he “accidentally” turned him to gold.  So in Storybrooke his name is Smithson.

Queen Eva -  She was noted as from the Northern Kingdom.  What does that even mean?  I have spent a long time designing my version of the Southern Kingdom, so here is my take on the Northern.  While I based the Southern Kingdom on a fictionalized version of Spain at it’s colonial height, I base the Northern off of Imerial Russia, specifically post Peter’s westernization.  Eva, born Avgusta, was married to Leopold as part of her father’s political scheming and dreams of a modern kingdom.  Speaking of, the name of the Northern Kingdom (in translation) is actually the Empire of Mist and Snow, but the Midlanders (the people of the Enchanted Forest) rarely call kingdoms by their proper names.  They centralize themselves, naturally. So when Eva agreed to name her daughter Snow, it was not because of how pale or pretty she was, but to honor Eva’s homeland.  She, like Regina after her, was forbidden to speak her mother tongue and was trained to lose her accent by tutors before she ever married Leopold.

Regina, Law, Order, and Colonialism - 

I have danced around colonialism in The Swan and the Nightingale.  I really can’t spend a lot of time on it, because the plot is already so complex.  Both the Southern Kingdom and many of the Enchanted Forest kingdoms had colonies.  The Southern Kingdom was mostly about resources.  By the time King Xavier passed (was killed by Cora) the kingdom was in dire straits and needed all then gold it could get its hands on.  So the lands (islands with a foothold on the central part of the continent to the west of Aurora’s kingdom) were drained dry and the people neglected.  One year, post killing Leopold but Pre-Curse, Regina had “winter lung” (Pneumonia) and her father took her to the continental colony to recover in the warmer climate.  She was horrified by the damages she saw and swore to never do that as a ruler.  She was drafting up disillusions and reperations for all of the colonies she had power over (They called Leopold the Conquering King in his younger days for a reason) but cast the curse before it could be fully enacted.  Not to spoil my own story, but this law was part of several that would have been colloquially known as “The Queen’s Kindness”: and would have been similar to England’s Magna Carta or the US Constitution - All together it would create a secular legislative body, established universal schooling and funded both a medical and socerer’s colllege.  The colonies would be released, the fedual system greatly reduced, fairies banished from governing decisions, magic made legal, and women given inheritance and land-rights.  It would have been revolutionary, and would have also caused a Civil War.  These laws were (for better and/or worse) disregarded and ignored when Snow and Charming took the kingdom.

Storybrooke’s Borders - 

So if you go by the show, Storybrooke is connected to Maine by road and rail.  However, I think there is a third more reasonable connection.  Storybrooke impots and exports via the water.  There is an island on the bay that acts as a liminal space where Storybrookers can go to load/unload cargo onto outside ships.  The outsiders are effected by the curse just enough to glaze over Storybrooke in their minds.  Its just another stop.  Just another small town in rural Maine.  The USPS, Fed Ex, and even Amazon have a blindspot to Storybrooke that is maintained by this island dock.  The company that handle these delieries is headquartered in Bangor, but the boat runs out of Auburn.  Regina pays a lot of money to keep the service fast, reliable and without questions. 

They could also import/export to/from Canada, but Regina did not want to see how the curse handled international law.

[axiscolleges]

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[maurenislife]

I used to b goody goody i dnt kno what triggered the rule breaking :(

I wish i got caught doing half the bullshit i was doing so they coulda got me help or therapy n i could b like my friends or my cousin, its almost like destined shit

I grew up watching reality tv i wanted 2 live in the playboy mansion i loved anna nicole bad girls club, i couldnt wait for the day i was actually attractive enough 2 go have fun

But i was in honors classes n went to science fairs n won stuff, when my parents was together, i did so much good things. I made them rlly proud now ik they not proud 😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. They got a mentally ill fuckeddd up colllege drop out who smokes alot of weed n just concerned ?

Even when i was in school i was dancing simultaneously

I just feel like a living let down

But its like i just want a trailer in flordia

Imma fix it up, n have a patio

N serve or bartend n go bout my life till my heart give out from all the Dr Pepper and weed

[thatonewierdo]

HRIFNGKFNKFOFJF @tapakah0 HELLO???

you are the crazy lil bunny who inspires me to make silly animatics even tho I have absolutely no free time between colllege and general life and I suck at maintaining a schedule and my art skills are a bit meh- ANYWAY thank you for recognizing my existence and stuff goodbye forever now!

A thing is being done :3

(Not the music I'm gonna use btw just a heads up)

[ina-bina]

Waiting in between classes like...

[melitadala]

[newyorksmithie]

Fun Smith Blogs

Smithies love making fun blogs. They cover EVERYTHING from Mountain Day to squirrels. Here are a few of my favorites:

Bathrooms of Smith College (Instagram)- Reviews of the bathrooms at Smith

Mountain Day Checker (Twitter)- They tweet every morning letting the world know whether or not it’s Mountain Day, a beloved Smith tradition (read more about Mountain Day here).

Squirrels of Smith College (Instagram)- Smith squirrels are crazy. They have no fear. This Instagram captures their majestic yet terrifying beauty.

[mayasromanticizedlife]

10/2/21

hi, i didnt post in the morning because i had work

it was a long day 

im a housekeeper and i had a lot of dirty rooms, i hope tomorrow wont be as long, i have exams monday

stressed, but i hung out with shinob.

i just want a day to do nothing to be honest. or a week, or a month, maybe 6, 12 even.

joking

a little.

hope you had a great day, if anyone is reading this. idk if anyone does but hey if u are i hope life is being good with you.

im going to rest or try to sleep now

goodnight!!

[desmond-the-queer-dragon]

No, you are not insane and your feelings are completely valid. It is bullshit that they would change it on you like that.

Every single Professor that I had throughout my college experience always told us before our tests and exams what type of questions will be on the test (short answer, multiple choice, true and false)

Some of my professors have even told the class how many are going to be on the test.

Even on formal papers the requirements, standards, and prompts are always given to us and if it changes or the due date changes, my professors have made sure their class is aware of it.

This is especially true for me as I have accommodations for testing and due dates. My professors always make sure I know the due dates of assignments AND if I ask for an extension, we always make sure both of us are on the same page of when things are due.

A final exam is supposed to reflect the course and prior exams, right? In format and everything, right? That’s not something that is coming out of my ass right?

Like suddenly changing the format of a test from multiple choice to short answers shouldn’t happen without clear notice before you take your test. Am I right?

And that clear notice should be clear and not hidden behind ‘study tips for your final exam!’ or additional materials, right?

Please tell me I’m not being an idiot. I’m kind of devolving back into self-doubt and panic that I’m being an idiot.

[h4hong]

I uploaded something the other day

[boomerang109]

time: 3:15am

packing: incomplete

essay #2: unfinished

essay #3: unstarted

my hair: blonde

me: i MUST re-dye the pink into my hair cause first impressions are important and who knows what will happen if i don’t have pink hair to visibly declare me as queer??

hotel: trivago!

[cs-blr]

Reflections on my first internship

Hey friends. I feel like I’ve been gone from this blog for ages, and it made me forget why I liked to share my thoughts in the first place. I love the community that this studyblr brings, and the aura of inspiration and support. I don’t want to lose that. 

The last time I really posted was almost two months ago now, where I was approaching the end of my summer internship (and first ever job) and I promised I would share how it went. 

For context, I was a software engineering intern as an API platform developer for a healthcare distribution company. Essentially, I worked in the IT department as tech support, but we also made productized software. The internship was virtual, but the team still had daily stand-ups and weekly socials so that we could connect. And lastly, not that it should matter, but I was the only female on a team of 9, and sometimes that made me feel both oddly powerful, yet vastly overlooked. 

So now that it’s over, and I’ve had a month to reflect, how do I feel? The truth is, I feel extremely conflicted. Maybe it was the virtual format of the internship, maybe it was the team I was on, or maybe it was the type of work I was doing - but I feel like even though I worked really hard and tried to do as many tasks as I could achieve, I did not really enjoy it. When I try to pinpoint my source of unhappiness, I can’t really put a finger on it. Holistically, there wasn’t really anything wrong. My team was supportive, I gained a lot of technical skill really quickly, I networked with incredible and accomplished humans and I built close relationships with my team and friends. And yet, when I think about working that IT job again in the future, and even for the rest of my life, all I feel is this vast abyss of dread. 

I come from an Indian family, where there isn’t really an expectation to achieve fulfilment from the work that you do. Putting your head down and doing the job, getting that paycheck, and then providing for your loved ones is the norm and the expectation. And so every time I think about my future job prospects, and I feel that dread of unfulfillment, I feel so selfish. I worked hard in all of high-school, and all of college thus far to get a competitive, challenging, and well-paying role as a software engineer, and it wasn’t enough. And it makes me wonder, what will be enough? Will I ever be satisfied with what I am doing, or am I fated to constantly be searching for that inner joy, for that personal fulfilment? Not to go on a complete rant, but yeah, that’s how I’ve been feeling.

And so, I suppose my conclusion is this. Although my platform is called cs-blr, and is supposed to be focused on my journey within computer science, I don’t know if I want to be doing this long term. I don’t know if I will graduate college and go into a software engineering or IT role, and that makes my degree feel like a waste, and this blog feel fraudulent. I don’t know what I enjoy, or where I am going. They say that internships are supposed to teach you want you enjoy in the professional world, but no one ever told me what the next steps were if you didn’t like it. I am way more technically proficient that I was a month ago, but all I feel in my heart is a growing sense of dread. Perhaps this is the regular junior-in-college struggle, I don’t really know. Nevertheless, that’s where I’m at today. Stay tuned for more. As always, love M.