#colin jost giggle

[notesfromachair]

A Sad State

The state flower of Florida is the orange blossom and so is the painted-on complexion of its most infamous resident. Yet that’s not most concerning for me about what’s being churned out of that region on the rest of us at this moment in time. WTF indeed A charter K-12 school in its state capitol called the Tallahassee Classical School, a place that literally markets its mission as training the…

[5-fuxking-unicorns]

colin “serving realness” jost

[weareonejazzhand]

snl

“Kate, are you okay?!?”

“... I’m obviously not...”

Genius.

[lemoncrushh]

Live From New York

Summary: Harry's on SNL and he gets a little jealous when he thinks you're not there for him.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1313

A/N: Super silly blurb from 2017 after Harry was on SNL. This was a request (some requests were oddly specific back then lol) that you have a bit of a crush on Colin Jost and Michael Che. It also helps that you know a couple of Rolling Stones songs that are mentioned at the end.

We gotta get away from here...

Harry's lyrics were still ringing in your ears as you watched the stage being set up for the next skit. Your stomach flipped when you realized it was going to be the Weekend Update segment. You liked this skit in particular, having always had a little secret crush on Colin Jost and Michael Che. Perhaps it was their humor, and the way they would sometimes roast each other that got your juices flowing, but they always managed to crack you up.

"Hey, come with me," you heard to your left.

You turned your head in time to see Harry walking toward the dressing room. Hesitantly, you followed him, quickly returning your focus to the monitor set up on the wall.

"Sit with me for a minute," he requested, beckoning you to the sofa where he sat.

Smiling, you did what he asked, taking his hand. "You were great."

"Yeah?" he grinned.

"Mmm hmm," you nodded. "I especially liked seeing you in that white Mick Jagger suit."

Harry chuckled. "Maybe I should add one to my wardrobe."

You scooted closer to him, hiking up your leg to lightly brush against his.

"I wouldn't be against it."

Just as Harry leaned in for a kiss, your peripheral vision caught sight of Colin and Michael on the screen.

"Oh!" you squeaked. "This is my favorite!"

"Um...alright," Harry paused as you sat up.

You thought he might've mumbled something under his breath, but then someone else entered the room to tell him to get ready for the next skit. He rose from the couch as you continued to watch the segment, giggling at everything the two comedians said. When it was over, you noticed Harry had left the room. You felt a little guilty, knowing this was his special night and you'd been ogling over two other men. Determined you find him to wish him luck on his next skit, you opened the dressing room door. Just as you stepped out, Colin and Michael were walking down the hall.

"Oh my god, you guys...I love you, you're amazing!" you exclaimed, the word vomit escaping your throat before you had a chance to stop it.

The two men stopped to thank you, and you chatted for longer than you'd expected. So long, in fact, that you missed Harry's next skit. He was just walking off the stage when you caught up to him.

"That was great," you lied, though you were sure it had been considering the comedic faux beard he had on.

"Really?" he asked with sarcasm and a deadpan stare. He knew you hadn't seen one second of the skit.

Unable to speak, you watched as he walked past you to the dressing room. You stood frozen, feeling more guilt ooze throughout your body than you thought possible. You'd hurt him.

"Harry," you muttered when you entered the dressing room.

No response.

"Harry, I'm sorry," you added.

Nothing.

You stepped closer to him, his back to you as he pulled on his slacks.

"Say something."

"'s nothing to say Y/N. You obviously had something more important to do than to be there for me."

"Harry, that's not fair," you argued. "I was there for you. I mean...I'm here! For you!"

He finally turned then, his eyebrow raised in question. "Really?"

"Yes!" When he just continued to glare at you, you shook your head, throwing your hands up. "I can't believe this."

"Can't believe what?"

"You can't be jealous because I was excited to see Colin and Michael."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not jealous."

"Then what is it?"

Harry sighed, dropping his shoulders. "I'm just upset that you missed the skit."

"I said I was sorry. I didn't mean to. You're right, I got caught up in the excitement, but I truly did not do it on purpose. You're the one I'm here for. You're the one I'm immensely proud of! You're the one I'm in love with!"

The last sentence slipped out unwillingly. You couldn't take it back, but you also knew you didn't want to. Harry stared at you, his jaw set but his eyes softening. Then he separated the space between you in one stride, pulling you into his arms and kissing you on the mouth.

"I'm so in love with you," he whispered when your lips separated. He pressed his forehead to yours, cupping your face in his hands. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" you choked.

"For..." he paused, "for doubting you."

"No," you shook your head. "I'm sorry. I should have been more considerate. I know you're nervous."

Harry chuckled, stepping back on his heels. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not blatantly," you grinned, running your hands up and down his arms. "But yeah, I can tell."

"'m so bloody nervous, 'm shaking."

"Well, babe, it's live TV. Of course you are! But you're doing amazing, and I'm so so proud of you."

"I still have another song to sing," he remarked.

"And I'm gonna be watching. I promise."

Oh tell me something I don't already know...

The second performance had gone well, and if anyone had really been paying attention, they could hear your claps and cheers the loudest.

You followed Harry back into the dressing room after the finale and credit roll where he had not surprisingly hugged every single member of the crew. You smiled when you sat on the sofa and watched him get undressed.

"So are you as proud of yourself as I am?"

He flashed his dimpled grin and shrugged. "Maybe."

"Are we going to the after party?" you asked cautiously. He hadn't mentioned it, but you'd heard there was one. You didn't want to rock the boat though, after what had happened earlier.

"Do you want to?"

You cocked your head nonchalantly. "It's your call. I'm fine with it. Either way."

Harry smirked. "You're funny."

"Me? Why am I funny?"

"You're trying not to get too excited again. But I know you."

"It's whatever you want, Harry, really. I was just wondering."

Smiling, he took her hand and kissed the back of it. "We can go. I just have to do something first."

"Okay. What's that?"

"Just a minute."

Harry turned toward the rack of clothes at the far end of the room. Then with a smug look on his face, he took something off a hanger, turning again swiftly so you couldn't see. But as soon as he stepped into the trousers, you knew what it was.

"Oh God," you giggled.

Harry looked back at you with a shit-eating grin before pulling on the shirt and jacket.

"C'mere, Mick," you beckoned.

"Wait, I don't have my wig on."

"Don't need it," you commented. "I just want the suit."

Harry finally turned around then to face you, making you grin from ear to ear.

"There he is," you murmured low. "My Midnight Rambler."

"Oh, Jesus," he scoffed which only caused you to giggle more.

"I said, come here," you demanded in a seductive tone.

"Yes, ma'am."

You rose from the sofa as he stepped closer to you. Pulling on the lapels of his jacket, you kissed him on the neck, your tongue licking and sucking his skin, sticky with perspiration.

"Hmm," Harry sounded, turning on his Mick Jagger impression once again. "Looks like someone wants some manky panky."

You laughed under your breath, pulling him backwards towards the couch. Sitting down, you urged him to come with you as you kissed his lips.

"What exactly is manky panky?" you asked. "I thought it was hanky panky."

"I dunno. Is it?"

You laughed harder, sliding your hands down his chest to unfasten the two remaining buttons.

"You fucking Brits," you mocked.

Harry lifted himself up to look you in the eye. "You know what this makes you then, don't you?"

"What?"

"A Starfucker."

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MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK

[jpmarvel90]

Don't let me down - Part 5

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Relationship: MamaScarlett x 16 yr old Reader

Summary: Settling in, Y/n now meets Scarlett's wider family. Whilst the Johansson/Josts go support Y/n at her first game of the season.

Word count: 6071

Y/n's POV:

"Morning kiddo. You're up early." Colin greets me whilst balancing Cosmo on his shoulder. It's current 6:30am and I've been up a lot longer than that, but I'm not about to tell him that. "Yeah, I'm quite an early riser." I share, it's not a lie, but I'm not an early riser through choice. I'd happily sleep in late if I could. But my brain still thinks if I stay in too late, I'll be caught by Mr Woodstock.

It also doesn't help that today I'm meeting Scarlett's mom and siblings. Thankfully, they're not all bringing their kids. I think that would be a little too overwhelming for me if I'm honest. "Would you like some coffee? You look like you could do with some." He offers, making me smile. "You saying I look like crap?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow.

There's a brief look of panic on his face but when I smirk at him, I can see his shoulders relax, knowing he hasn't actually offended me. "Just a little tired around the edges." He teases in return. "Then fill her up!" I say, holding a mug out towards him. Once I take my first sip, I can already feel my body starting to wake up.

"Are you nervous about today?" He asks me, making conversation whilst he tends to Cosmo. I look down to the mug in my hand, a little ashamed that I'm so nervous about this. "A little." I admit. When I do lift my head, I'm met with Colin giving me a warm, sympathetic smile. "Don't worry. They're all really excited to see you again. I can also confirm they are lovely people. I definitely got lucky with the in-laws." He reassures me.

"Meet me again?" I ask a little confused. "Yeah, they were all there when Scarlett gave birth to you. They all met you then. Melanie is especially excited to meet you. I have a feeling she'll be over earlier than the rest to get a head start." He chuckles. "Seriously though, if it becomes too much for you at any time, just let me know and I'll make up an excuse to take you out of the room." He offers and it makes me smile.

I've only been living here for a little over two weeks, but Colin has been so accepting of me. I mean, Scarlett has too, but I'm her daughter. Colin had every right to dislike me, but he is so caring and treats me like Rose and Cosmo. I really appreciate it. I can see why Scarlett likes him.

It's slowly become easier being here. Since our talk in the park, I feel closer to Scarlett which is nice. Rose went from not giving a shit about me, to me being her favourite person. Which gave me a bit of whiplash, but it's been nice spending time with her. She hasn't long started playing soccer at school, so I've been helping her to practice her skills. I must admit, she's not bad.

After my blip of questioning my annoyance to Laura, I spoke to her about it, and she spent about half an hour scolding me for ever thinking that. Our relationship is probably stronger than ever, and I know that I'm going to take the plunge soon and tell her how I feel. I know I risk losing our friendship, but I hope that even if she isn't interested, she'll stick around.

"Do you want me to take Cosmo whilst you go and get ready?" I ask Colin, who instantly nods and moves to hand Cosmo over to me. "Thanks kiddo. I'll see you in a bit." He smiles, placing a kiss to my head and rushing up the stairs. "Hi there buddy. Look at you all handsome this morning." I greet my little brother. Is it sad that my favourite person is a baby?

Wanting to do something nice for the family, I decide to start on breakfast. I find the baby sling and make sure that Cosmo is comfy before grabbing out what I need to make some pancakes. I put some music on quietly and start to dancing around a little to help comfort Cosmo, who is giggling a treat. It keeps distracting me and I find myself getting lost in his cute little smile. God he's such a cute baby!

"Ok then buddy. What shall I prepare to go with the pancakes? Bacon is always a winner." I start to talk to him, and he looks at me as if he understands every word I'm saying. "I guess we need to do fruit for Scarlett. Don't want her complaining that her trainer will be mad." I say with a scrunched up face. Fruit just ruins pancakes. "Oh, better not forget the syrup for Rosebud!" I remember, moving to the cupboard to grab out the bottle.

"Well, this is a sight I could get used to." I spin around so quickly to see the source of the voice. Scarlett is leant against the door frame, watching over us with a content smile on her face. "Your 16 year old with a baby?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "God no! No sex until you're like 30!" She quickly orders, making me laugh. "Wait. You're not, you know. There isn't someone I haven't met that you're uh doing that with?" She asks making this moment all too awkward. "Oh God, Scarlett no!" I respond, my cheeks heating up and going a dark red. "Sorry. I was just check. What I had meant was it's nice seeing my daughter being adorably cute with her brother. I love how well he's taken to you." She corrects her earlier statement and thankfully drops the sex talk.

"And thank you for being so considerate of my feelings on my trainer." She smirks at me, making me blush with embarrassment that she heard all that. "Coffee or juice." I ask her, moving on from that subject. "I'll do drinks. Thank you though sweetheart." She smiles at me, moving to the fridge to grab out a couple of cartons of juice.

I can feel her eyes on me whilst she's pouring the drinks. I take the last pancake out of the pan and turn around and meet her eyes. "Something you want to ask?" I question her, seeing the same nervous look she has in her eyes when she wants to talk about something, but isn't sure how to bring it up. "I notice you're always up early. But today you were up earlier than usual. Is everything ok?" She asks me.

I frown at her as I wasn't downstairs any earlier than I normally would be. I made sure of it. "I wasn't earlier. It was only 6:30." I lightly defend, but it only causes her frown to deepen. "I heard you up at at least 4:30." She calls me out and my gaze drops. "I think the question is why were you up that early Mrs Johansson?" I ask, trying to cover the fact she's right.

She sighs but takes a seat whilst I continue to bounce Cosmo who clearly isn't happy that I stopped dancing. "I'm nervous about you meeting the family." She admits, taking me by surprise at her honestly. "Why are you nervous?" I ask her, is she worried that they're not going to like me? I try not to let the panic overtake me and allow her to answer before I get too worked up.

"They're going to meet you and see how amazing you are and hate me even more for giving you up." She shares honestly, and it shocks me that she's being so open with me. "I guess they can't hate me more than I hate myself though." She sighs, her gaze focused on the baby in the sling. "You can't change the past Scarlett, only the future." I tell her firmly, which makes her look at me with teary eyes.

I've spent a lot of time talking with Laura about my feelings towards Scarlett. There is still a lot of anger and hidden feelings there. But what I said is right. We can't change what happened. I know she tried to get me back but couldn't. As soon as she had the chance to, she was there. It's still going to take some time for me to actually feel part of this family and not the random kid living with them. But I'm mature enough to focus on the here and now and to try and move on from the past. Eventually.

Feeling like I should repay her honesty, I decide to admit the truth also. "I was nervous too. But that they would hate me and think I'm just here to use you or something." I share and her eyes widen. "Oh sweetheart! They would never think that. In fact, I know they don't. Mom is so incredibly excited to meet you. I'm worried she might not let you go when she hugs you." She reassures me through a chuckle.

"Besides, if anyone says anything slightly negative about you, I will hand their ass to them before they can even finish their sentence." She says with a completely serious face. "Well, let's not have any violence on the first family get together." I joke, making her laugh. "No promises." She returns, walking over towards Cosmo and I, wrapping an arm around me and placing a kiss to my head.

I never used to be a hugger with people other than Laura. But I'm actually starting to enjoy them. They make me feel warm and like I'm actually safe. It's amazing how in two weeks my mindset is already seeing small glimmers of change. "I'm always here if you need to talk. I know you have Laura, but I'd like to be able to help if I can." She tells me softly. "Thanks. I appreciate that." I respond. "Now, let's eat." I instruct her.

Breakfast is nice. I'm still getting used to the five of us sitting down all together to eat our meals. Scarlett and Colin listen so intently to Rose, and you can see how happy that makes her. Conversation moves on to the fact that they are all planning to come and watch me at the first game of the season. I told them that they really don't have to, but they said they wouldn't miss it for the world.

It'll be weird to actually have someone there supporting me. I've never had that before. Laura's parents would always cheer for me too if they were watching, but it's not the same as having your parents there showing you how much they support you. I just hope I can focus on the game and not the fact that they'll be in the stands.

For the rest of the morning, I helped Scarlett and Colin prepare the food for dinner later. Everyone was planning to arrive at 2 so I had plenty of time to sit and stew in the negative thoughts going through my head.

At about half 1 the doorbell rings and Colin smirks at me. "Told you she'd come early." He gloats, moving to the hallway to greet our guest. Just like Colin had predicted, Scarlett's mom had come by early. As we walk into the hallway, she's just finishing hugging Rose. When her head lifts to look to Colin, her eyes land on me and they go wide.

She lets out a small gasp and walks slowly over to me. "Y/n?" She whispers and I nod. "Wow. You're beautiful." She compliments me, making me blush. Her eyes are glossed over with tears, and she stands in front of me. "I'm Melanie. I guess technically your grandmother." She smiles at me. "It's lovely to meet you." I respond as confidently as I can. She goes to hug me, but my stupid body flinches at the action and I'm internally cursing myself for allowing it to happen.

She looks at me worriedly and lowers her arms. I can see Scarlett looking on with concern, but I try not to focus on that. "I'm sorry. I should have asked. Can I hug you?" She asks with a kind smile, not a hint of annoyance at my respond. I nod and she carefully steps forward and wraps her arms around me. She's a similar height to Scarlett so I have to bend down a little as I melt into her hug. How can someone I've just met feel so comfortable. "I'm so glad you're home." She whispers to me, and I give her a little squeeze.

When she pulls apart, she holds my hands and looks at my face once again. "You look just like Scarlett at 16. Except for the brown hair!" She observes. I feel a little exposed under her gaze, but this was definitely a better reaction than I had been imagining in my head!

We move into the living room and Melanie sits with me, asking me lots of questions to get to know me more. She shares some embarrassing stories about Scarlett, much to her annoyance, but I very much enjoyed hearing those. Rose has been surprisingly good. I was worried that she would get annoyed that I was stealing her nana's attention, but she's been joining in the conversation and allowing us time together too.

We're all taken by surprise when the door opens and we hear a voice shouting from all the hallway. "The favourite twin has arrived!" My heart instantly starts to beat rapidly. I don't know why but I'm most nervous about meeting Hunter. Maybe it's because he's Scarlett's twin and I know how close they are. I can't help but worry about how he's going to react. I can feel my palms getting sweaty and I'm trying to count as many red things as I can to prevent a panic attack forming. This is stupid. It's just her brother! I can do this.

Scarlett's POV:

As soon as Hunter makes his presence known, I can see fear wash over Y/n. Things had been going so well with mom, after the little blip at the beginning, and I thought she was doing ok. But I couldn't be more wrong. I should have done more to make sure she was comfortable.

I quickly stand up and make my way over to her, when I see her eyes darting all over the place, sitting next to her and carefully placing my hand on her knee. Colin thankfully gets up to greet my idiot brother. "That boy will never learn to knock." I jokingly complain, hoping to provide some comfort without making her worries be the focal point. I've learnt that Y/n hates being centre of attention, and she wouldn't like it if I made a big deal about this right now. Even though it's breaking my heart to see her so scared. I just want to scoop her up and take her away so she can calm down.

Her eyes stop moving around the room and I wonder if she was counting objects. It's something that I know Lizzie does to help during her anxiety attacks. "What colour?" I ask her and she looks at me in shock. "Red." She admits shyly, so I return a smile easily. "Everything is going to be ok." I reassure her, wrapping my arm around her. "Remember, I'll throw hands regardless. I'm black widow remember." I joke, hoping to lighten the mood, and it seems to work. She let's out a genuine laugh, which makes both mine and mom's face light up. I'll never tire of hearing her laugh. I just wish I heard it more.

Colin and Hunter soon enter the living room and I notice that Hunter is calmer than he normally is. He can be a bit of a loose canon at times, but it's clear that Colin has had a word with him. Which I'm glad for. I love my brother, but I know if he goes to full Hunter mode then he is going to freak Y/n out more than she already is.

After greeting Rose and Cosmo, he walks towards us, and I can't help but laugh at the stern look mom is giving him. Y/n stands up and holds her hand out to Hunter, clearly getting a wave of confidence. "Hi, I'm Y/n. Nice to meet you, Hunter." She greets with a smile. I can see her outstretch hand is shaking and I notice that Hunter clocks it too.

He quickly steps forward and takes it. "I'm so happy that I finally get to meet you Y/n. As soon as Scarlett told us that you were moving in, I was desperate to meet you. But I was kept away, something about you need to settle." He greets in return, smirking with his last comment. "How are you settling in?" He asks, motioning for her to take her seat on the sofa again.

I take my own seat and watch over them with a smile as they easily seem to get on. I've noticed that Y/n has this really great wit. She can be hilarious and I'm sure she's even funnier, but she's scared to go too far. I can't wait to see her be unapologetically herself.

There isn't much respite though as Adrian and Vanessa turn up a few minutes later. Thankfully, they arrived together, meaning that Y/n didn't have to go through another two introductions. I watch as they both introduce themselves, smiles permanently planted on their faces. "I can't believe how much of a mini-me to Scarlett you are!" Vanessa observes and she wraps an arm around Y/n's shoulder. Another flinch wracks her body, and it breaks my heart that her reaction is still that someone is trying to hurt her. Vanessa's eyes snap to mine, and I mouth "later" to her, and she nods slowly, a frown on her face.

Everything is going well as my siblings and mom get to know Y/n more. They're being really respectful and not pushing too hard or bombarding her with questions. It's a shame my dad couldn't be here, but he's hoping to visit in the next week or so, which will be nice as the whole family will have had the chance to see her.

Happy that they're all getting on well, I head into the kitchen to start getting everything ready for dinner. I almost have a heart attack when I close the fridge door and Vanessa is stood there with an expectant look on her face. Mom stood just behind her. "Jesus Christ, you scared the crap out of me." I say, holding my hand to my chest. "Sorry, I did call after you, but you obviously didn't hear me." She apologises, moving into the kitchen to help me with the food.

"So, are you going to tell me why my niece is flinching?" She asks. It's not accusingly, but there is definitely a worried and angry tone to her voice. I look up and see mom waiting expectantly for a response as well. When I told them that she was back in my life, I had only briefly mentioned about her being in a difficult foster home. It didn't feel right to be sharing that so early on.

I sigh, rubbing at my head. "She uh. She didn't have the easiest of upbringings." I admit, the sadness washing over me all over again as I know I could have prevented it if I made the right decision 16 years ago. "What do you mean by that?" Vanessa asks. "Her adoptive parents were abusive. Then when they died, she was moved into an abusive foster home. So, this is the first safe space that she has lived in." I tell them, making them both gasp in shock.

"My poor baby." Mom whispers, tears filling her eyes. "Its that the lingering bruise on her face? It's barely noticeable but I clocked it." Vanessa asks, a sadness across her face. "Yeah, Mr Woodstock, the shitty foster home manager, had hit her after he blamed her for being drunk in front of me and Danny." I explain, my gaze focusing on the pork in front of me.

I'm stopped in my actions when mom's hand rests on mine. "Come here honey." She instructs me. It's only then that I realise that I'm crying. "I should never have left her mom. I let her down so badly. I don't deserve to have her in my life now." I cry into her shoulder, letting it all out. Vanessa quickly walks towards us and wraps her arms around the two of us.

"Don't talk like that Scarlett. Yes, it may have been the wrong decision, but you were doing what you thought was best at the time. You never could have known she would end up in a place like that. You trusted the system to take care of your daughter. You are giving her the life she deserves now." Mom comforts me, her hand running up and down my back.

"Mom's right. Other than looking terrified of being surrounded by us Johanssons, she seems happy. There's a relief in her eyes. It's going to take time for her to fully settle and find herself again. But you are going to be there supporting her in getting back to that person. We all are going to be here for her. For both of you." Vanessa adds on, making me smile. "Now, do you have this assholes address. I'm thinking of paying a visit." She asks with a chuckle. "Country jail right now. Where he's meant to be!" I reply, grateful that he's not going to be able to get anywhere near Y/n.

After a moment to compose myself, we start back on finishing everything for dinner. I call in Colin to help take the food through whilst the others move to the dining room, sitting at the table. Rose instantly sits next to Y/n, making me smile at how much she loves her big sister already. Hunter takes the seat the other side almost as quickly, clearly deciding that she's his new favourite.

Conversation through dinner flows easily and I can see Y/n get more comfortable as the time goes on. There's lots of laughter and storytelling, mostly embarrassing ones about me, but Y/n is loving them, so I'll happily let her know them all to see her smile.

By the time it comes to everyone leaving, I'm a little sad. But I couldn't be happier with how it went. Mom's already planning to pop around in the week to have some one on one time with her after school and Y/n seemed really happy about that. As they're leaving Adrian pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm glad she's home. Take care of her. Whoever hurt her has done a number on her." He says to me quietly. I look at him shocked and he just shrugs. "She has all the signs. It wasn't hard to work out." He answers my unasked question. "I'll protect her with everything I have." I assure him and he smiles.

Hunter approaches me next with the biggest grin on his face. "I'm so happy to have a new partner in crime. Rose is great but, you know, she's only 7. With Y/n the possibilities are endless." He smirks. "Oh, I'm going to regret introducing you two aren't I." I sigh, knowing that I'm going to be on the receiving end of his pranks now. "Love you sis!" He shouts as he heads out to the car. I flip him off which only makes him laugh harder.

With the door closed I let out a deep breath, grateful that it went so well. I go to the living room and see that Y/n isn't there. I find her in the kitchen, clearing up from dinner. "Oh, you don't have to do that sweetheart." I tell her, taking the plates from her hands. "It's ok. You cooked. I'm happy to clean." She tells me, taking the plates back from me. "Fine, but I'm helping." I insist, starting to pack up the leftovers.

"Your family is lovely." Y/n breaks the comfortable silence we had. "They're your family too and they love you. So much. In fact, I'm scared that Hunter is going to try and steal you away from me." I joke making her laugh. "Yeah, he needs to work on his prank ideas. They're a bit childish." She shares. Clearly Rose was the mastermind of all their ideas!

"Seriously though Y/n. You are apart of this family. You never have to give them a label, but they love you as their granddaughter and niece, and they always will." I reassure her and I notice her eyes gloss over. "I never had more than my parents before." She shares at a whisper. I move towards her with my arms open and she falls into them. "Well, you do now and we're not going anywhere." I tell her firmly. "I love you my sweet baby." I tell her and she squeezes me that little bit tighter. "Thank you for saving me." She says it so quietly, I barely hear it. But I do and it completely breaks me.

The tears silently fall down my cheeks as I hold my daughter. I don't ever want to let her go. I want her to be safe and loved and happy and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she gets the best in life.

__________

"Come on mom! We're going to be late!" Rose shouts to me from the hallway. I head downstairs with Cosmo in my arms. "Ok ok! I'm here, I was just getting your grumpy pants brother ready." I inform her but she huffs. "We're going to be late and miss out on the good seats if we don't leave now!" She complains with a pout. "I know honey. Colin is just getting his wallet." I tell her, making sure that we have everything.

We're about to head to Y/n's school and watch their opening game of the season. I'm so excited to see her in action. She loves soccer and I'm happy that I'm finally able to share in that passion with her. Rose is beyond excited and has even made her a sign to cheer her on with.

Colin jogs down the stairs and I smile as we're all wearing blue, their home colours. Rose is very sad that you can't buy a jersey so she can match her sister, so we found the closest top that we could instead.

The whole way there, Rose is excitedly rambling about how she hopes that Y/n scores the winning goal. Then as soon as the car is in park, she's undone her own belt and jumped out, rushing us all along. I'm surprised at how many people are here to watch the game. Seems like they're popular. I let Rose lead us to where she wants to sit and we end up at the halfway line and about midway up the bleachers. "These are great seats." Rose says proudly, wiggling with excitement. The team are out warming up and my eyes roam over them to find my daughter. "There's Y/n!" Rose calls out, pointing towards her on the pitch. She looks really focused as she runs through her drills with the team.

The coach blows the whistle and the team move towards the touchline to grab water. Y/n catches a glimpse of us and looks completely shocked as we wave at her. She says something to her coach, who nods, and she makes her way up to us. "You came?" She asks as if she can't believe it. "Of course, we did. We promised we would." I reply, ignoring the sadness that she's not had this support before.

"Sissy! I made you a sign!" Rose tells her excitedly, showing what she had made. A wide smile appears on her face. "Thanks Rosebud. I love it." She returns. "I better get back down but thank you for coming." She thanks. "Good luck kiddo! Kick some ass!" Colin encourages her, making her laugh as she jogs back down to her team. "Colin that's a bad word." Rose scolds him. I hide the laugh fighting to come out as Colin looks like a naughty schoolboy.

My eyes don't leave Y/n as I watch her with her team. My pride only grows when I notice that she puts on the captain's armband. They get together as a group and put their hands in the middle before call "Panthers." We all cheer as they take their places on the pitch. My excitement is only growing as I get to see how good she is.

Turns out she's very good. She controls the ball so easily and commands her team like someone far older than she actually is. A mistake in the back line results in the opposition scoring and all of the girls' heads drop. But Y/n gets them together, clearly giving them a pep talk. They have an extra bounce in their step after that talk and they retain all the possession and pressure for the next 20 minutes.

With a beautiful bit of skill, Y/n darts around two defenders. She looks up at the goal, probably contemplating shooting. "Shoot!" Rose is shouting from beside me. But she does the opposite just as a defender approaches her, she does a low cross finding Laura, who hammers the ball in the back of the net. It's like she had a sixth sense that she was there. Her gaze wasn't even in that direction.

We all jump up from our seats cheering whilst the team celebrate. Whilst I watch them set back up, I can see why they get such a good crowd here. The team are really talented. By half time it's 1-1 but the panthers have had all the pressure and Y/n has had a couple of close calls. It feels like it's only a matter of time until they score.

Whilst they're taking on water at halftime, Y/n looks up towards us and Rose jumps up and down waving. Y/n's smile grows as she notices and waves back. "She saw me!" Rose points out triumphantly.

The second half starts with an exhausting pace. The passing technique of the girls is amazing, but their opposition has picked up their game. It's end to end and my nerves are building as the opposition striker shoots and the ball just scraps past the post for a goal kick.

Y/n calls out to the team to calm down, making the gesture with her arms at the same time. I feel like I'm seeing Y/n in her element. She is so confident and sure of herself. I hope that in time, we'll get to see this away from the soccer pitch.

The panthers get a corner and Y/n is tussling with a defender in the box. Just as the ball is about to be hit, she does a dummy move, tricking the defender and giving herself space in front of her. She jumps in the air and her head connects with the ball. It feels like it's going in slow motion as we watch the ball move through the goalkeeper's hands and into the net. "YES!" I jump up cheering, Rose following my lead. She lifts her sign in the air cheering loudly. Colin has Cosmo bouncing on his hip and it seems, watching his sister play soccer has gotten him out of his grumpy mood.

The intensity of the game doesn't drop though. If anything, the opposition pick up even more with conceding that goal. Y/n is spending a lot more time in a defensive position, showing her ability once again. She really is talented. I know I'm biased, but I truly believe it.

It looks inevitable that the opposition are going but score but Laura makes a break, but their defence manages to get back pretty quickly. She looks up and sees Y/n stood just outside the box. With a cheeky back pass, she gets the ball to Y/n and moves out the way as Y/n takes the shot as soon as the ball as at her feet. She hits it sweetly and it curls into the top right hand corner. Once again, we're jumping around in the stands.

By the looks on the team's face, none of them can believe the shot, Y/n looking more shocked than anyone. Laura runs at her, jumping in her arms. Y/n holds her easily, spinning around. I don't know if they realise it, but they are definitely having a moment. Y/n is looking at her like she's hung the moon and stars.

The rest of the team are soon joining in the celebrations, their moment over. But as they go to retake their position for the restart, Laura loops her arm around Y/n's shoulder and gives her a kiss on her cheek before running off. I chuckle to myself when I can see Y/n's cheek instantly blush. Oh, she's definitely smitten!

After a nervous last 5 minutes, the final whistle blows, and we join with the rest of the crowd to applaud the team. We wait for a few minutes as the teams shake hands and Y/n thanks the referee. Rose all the while getting more impatient. Before I know it, she's run off and is making a beeline towards Y/n.

Though my worries instantly dissipate as Y/n bends down and scoops her sister up and rests her on her hip as she listens to her little sister ramble excitedly. I slip my hand in Colin's and we walk down towards the touchline so we can congratulate her too. I watch as Y/n proudly introduces Rose to her teammates before her and Laura walk in our direction.

Laura is looking a little nervous as she approaches us. "Hi Scarlett, Colin. Little Cosmo." Y/n greets us, placing Rose on the floor and pinching at Cosmo's cheek. "I'd like you to meet my best friend, Laura." She introduces her friend. "Sorry about how I spoke to you both last time." She apologises but I instantly wave her off. "No, you were protecting Y/n. I appreciate that she's got you in her life." I reassure her and notice her shoulders instantly relax.

"You played an amazing game. Congratulations the both of you for scoring." I congratulate them. "I'm not exaggerating when I say that was one of the best games of soccer I've watched." Colin adds on, making Y/n beam. "Can you believe the goal she scored at the end. She's going to be a superstar." Laura compliments Y/n, nudging her shoulder. "Oh, shut up. It was just a fluke." She tries to play it off. "Besides, it's because I had the best partner up front." She returns, making Laura's cheeks blush too.

"Are your parents here Laura? I'd love to meet them." I ask, excited to get to know the people in Y/n's life. "No, they're both working tonight." She responds a little disappointed. "Yeah, but it's the first game they've missed in ages." Y/n comforts Laura, slipping her arm around her waist. "Yeah, you're right. It's nice to see you final have someone cheering for you. And all in matching colours too." Laura laughs. "This one wasn't happy that she couldn't buy your jersey." I share, making Rose pout. "I'll see what I can do." Y/n smiles at Rose, running her hands through her hair.

"If you're parents are out tonight. Why don't you join us for dinner." I offer, smirking internally when I see Y/n's eyes light up. "Oh, you don't need to do that. I don't want to be a bother." Laura deflects. "You will never be a bother, Laura. You're always welcome at our house." I reassure her. She looks to Y/n who's nodding like a happy puppy. "Ok, that would be lovely. Thank your Mrs Johansson." She returns. "Oh please, call me Scarlett. I'm not old yet." I joke, making the others laugh.

We wait for Y/n and Laura to change and start on the drive home. I'm excited to get to know Laura a bit more. I also want to see if my instinct is right and see if these two are as smitten with each other as they look. I hope so, because she makes Y/n incredibly happy!

Part 6

[elizabeth-blood]

@star-xxx1

Scarlett x Reader

Boss!Scarlett!Johansson x Fem!Reader

Summary: she had a recent divorce with Colin Jost and that’s all I’m telling u ❤️

TW : fighting / shouting / swearing

At the outset :

You walk into work and sit down on your desk to edit the pictures they sent to your computer. Honestly you hate work because your boss is so god Damn rude for no reason. She’s nice to everyone else but you. A sigh fell out of your mouth after seeing her walk over. “Y/N! I thought I told you to reorganise the folders on my shelf!” Her loud voice made you jump. You looked up at her as she gave you those wide eyes. Her eyebrows raised at you, nostrils flared. She stroked her fingers through her shoulder-length blonde hair. You started to bite your nails as you stood and nodded at her. “I’m sorry.” She stuttered in her sentence and walked away in anger when she couldn’t say the word. To be honest, she felt guilty but didn’t know how to show her emotions without getting angry. She turned around and pointed at you with her sharp red nails. “E-erm. Have you eaten anything?” She was slightly calmer than normal. You looked back up again. “No.” She raised her eyebrows and strutted over to you whilst swinging her arms. “WHAT!” Scar shook her head in disbelief that you hadn’t. “We are going to go get something for you to eat! You can’t not eat! I know you don’t have enough but I’ll buy it for you. I hope your mum gets better.” She stared into your eyes waiting for a response. You opened your mouth and spoke. “It’s okay.” She bit her lip aggressively and slapped your face. You gasped as your held your cheek that was probably red by now. “FUCKING EAT, STOP BEING A BITCH!” You felt tears forming and suddenly left to go to the bathroom. Scar ran after you and followed you into the bathroom. She closes the door behind her and grabs your wrist. You turn and look into her scrunched eyebrows, obviously concerned for you. Slapping her wrist off you, she scoffs and tried to lean in for a hug. “No!” You shove her off. “Why now? You have treated me like shot since I first started here! Oh my god! YOU ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!” Scar leant in and kissed your lips, she leant back and spoke into your lips. “I do it because I love you.” Scar went to go leave but you grabbed her arm and pulled her in and it lead to making out. She pushed you against the sink which was followed by a moan from her, it was muffled from the extreme making out.

( you go to her house bc I wanna shorten this )

Her arm was around your shoulders. She was warm and her skin was so soft. Your eyes were closed until you heard the intro for the black widow movie. After immediately sitting up from the sofa you stood and saw Scar on the screen. You started screaming at her and pointed at the tv. Scar burst out laughing from your unexpected reaction. You giggled and sat back down with her, then continued cuddling.

[rebeleden]

Colin Jost Tells Brutal Meghan Markle Joke On 'Saturday Night Live'

CC RABID MISOGYNOIR AND BLACK FEMICIDE

CC RACIST SNL

CC AMERIKKKA

[snowluthor]

[usatodayopinion]

— Bill Maher, Best of Late Night

[hangovercurse]

Live from New York

You’re hosting SNL and get close with one of the cast members

Request: “hi! can you do something about pete where the reader is hosting snl and throughout the week they’re flirting with each other but she’s unsure if they should date and he convinces her? maybe a combo of fluff/angst/smut? it can be whatever :,)”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I told myself I wasn’t going to take that long on this one and then I ended up watching an entire documentary on the making of an SNL episode because I wanted to be as accurate as possible… someone stop me pls

Word Count: 2834

Monday

Despite being a swiftly rising actress, you hated being the enter of attention. You’d always gotten anxious as a kid when a teacher made you stand in front of the class for presentations or during first-day introductions. So being front and center in a room of 30 people who were all there to study and try to impress you was not something you found pleasant.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke timidly to the crowded room, people clapping from their spots on the floor or various couches around the room, “it’s great to be here.”

Lorne cleared his throat, “alright, let’s start with you, Anna.”

You looked around the room as a young woman pitched the first sketch of the night, listening intently to her ideas while trying to match faces with the names Lorne had given you earlier. Then your eyes locked with a pair of deep brown ones, the man wearing a soft smile on his face. He radiated gentle energy despite the tattoos you could see running down his arms.

The pitches continued with an air of lightheartedness and fun. You found nearly everything funny, so you couldn’t even begin to imagine how you were going to cut any of the sketch pitches.

After a lull in ideas, Lorne announced that cast members could now pitch ideas for Weekend Update character appearances. The man you’d taken an interest in earlier, who you’d since learned was named Pete Davidson, pitched a new set of characters for you and him.

“You know those weird stoner kids in high school who were always hanging out in the parking lot and acted really weird and mysterious? Those characters who just give really vague answers to anything you ask and act like they’ve seen some shit when they have the most normal home lives.”

You giggled, knowing the exact kinds of kids he was talking about. Colin and Michael also chuckled, writing the idea down with some notes of their own. Soon after that, everyone went back to pitching regular sketches, Jost and Che pitching an unusual number of sketches featuring you and Pete.

After a few long hours, the session wrapped; everyone leaving the office space except for you and Lorne, “so, what did you think?”

You chuckled lightly, “you have some seriously talented people on this show, Mr. Michaels. I don’t understand how you guys write an entire show every week.”

“We all work very hard; I’ll tell you that. Now, talk to me. Anything you really liked or really hated?”

You shrugged, “you’re the comedy mastermind, I know nothing. But I thought that weird kids from high school bit was pretty funny.”

Lorne nodded, “So did Jost and Che it seems. Sometimes the kid has a good idea.” You giggled at his reference to Pete as “the kid.” He sighed, “anything else? I noticed you liked that proposal sketch.”

“Yeah, that one was super funny. I will say, I wasn’t too in love with the dad-teacher one, but I would have no problem with it being done with someone else as the daughter.”

Lorne and you spent the rest of the workday discussing the different sketch ideas that came up and gauging what type of comedy suited you best. Before you left, he introduced you to Donna, your dresser who would be helping you out throughout the week.

Tuesday

After a quick tour of the studio by Donna, you were given a list of cast members and writers who wanted to meet with you to get ideas about sketches. You first stepped into a small room with a desk and futon, Donna introducing you to Chloe Fineman and Celeste Yim.

Chloe smiled brightly at you, “okay, so we were thinking that we could do something where I bring you to a sleepover with some friends that you don’t know. But at some point, you try to go to sleep because you have a soccer tournament in the morning but everyone else is being loud and it turns into this big overdramatic argument.”

You giggled softly, “I love that!”

After writing with them for a while, you were whisked away to room after room, finally landing in Colin Jost and Michael Che’s office, where they were hunched over a computer with Pete.

Colin smiled at you, “hey Y/N, how’s your day been?”

“Busy, how are you guys?”

The men responded with variations of “good,” before Michael spoke, “I know it’s late, so don’t feel obligated to stay longer than you’re comfortable with.”

You shrugged, “what time is it? It doesn’t feel that late.”

Pete laughed, teasing Colin and Michael, “c’mon guys, don’t you know that the young people of New York don’t sleep?”

You giggled in agreement as Colin frowned, “I’m only 38, that’s not that old.”

“I’m only 26, Colin,” you said, laughing at the men.

Michael patted Colin on the shoulder, “Jost, we’re getting old.”

Colin frowned before clearing his throat, “anyways, we had a couple ideas for some sketches with you and Pete, if you’re up for it, and we wanted to hash out your weekend update appearance.”

You smiled and nodded, “yeah, that sounds great.”

The rest of the night (and into the early morning) was spent with the three men, eventually joined by Heidi Gardner and Kyle Mooney to work them into the scripts. A majority of the writing process was simply messing around with various sketch situations until someone found a joke that worked best.

Pete watched you carefully the entire night, doing everything in his power to make you laugh. You had no complaints, doing your best to not openly flirt with him in front of the rest of the cast (and failing quite miserably).

Wednesday

Wednesday was the designated day for the roundtable readthrough. You took a place between Pete and Lorne, who began the reading, “we’ve got 41 sketches so let’s get started.”

The table read was just like any other you’d been through; Lorne wasting no time between sketches to discuss or joke. You struggled with containing your laughter throughout the reading, trying to act professionally. It didn’t help that Pete was making jokes any chance he got, eliciting even more giggles from you.

The three hours seemed to take no time at all as sketch after sketch was read out loud. Every so often you would catch Lorne looking at you with an eyebrow raised, usually after you read one of the sketches with Pete.

After everyone was dismissed, you were led to Lorne’s office with the head writers and producers. There was a large wall covered in sticky notes with each sketch’s name written on one. Lorne turned to you, “what do you think?”

You scanned the wall, listing off some of the sketches that you really liked, though most of them were  great, so you had trouble narrowing them down.

Lorne let out a small laugh, “you guys noticed how she picked out the sketches with Pete in them, too, right?”

Your face went hot, immediately turning to face the ground. Colin and Michael chuckled, “we noticed,” the latter commented.

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Y/N, just wanted to point it out to you.” Lorne teased before turning back to the wall and thinking.

You giggled, “you guys suck.”

As embarrassed as you were, your anxiety was surprisingly low. You had been worried about hosting since you got the invite, but the cast and crew had been nothing but kind to you. Even just being able to make jokes like this with the writers made you feel oddly comforted.

You worked on narrowing down which sketches to keep for rehearsals and which ones were going to get cut immediately, a job that was very easy for Lorne but very difficult for you.

Eventually you got it down to enough sketches that Lorne was satisfied and he sent out the list to the cast. He led you out of his office, “you know, you have a real affinity for comedy,” he told you. “I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about sketch comedy, but from that read through you seem to know what you’re doing.”

You blushed slightly, thanking him, “we’ll see if you’re still saying that on Saturday.”

He chuckled, “have a good night.” You waved at him as you walked towards the exit, running into none other than Pete Davidson.

“Hey, you headed out?”

You smiled, “yeah, just got out of my meeting with Lorne. Did you get a chance to look at the revised sketch schedule?”

Pete nodded, walking with you to the door of the theater, “yeah, I noticed you kept a lot of our sketches in there,” he bumped your shoulder, a playful smirk on his face.

A giggle rolled from your lips, “what can I say? We’re funny together.”

He raised an eyebrow, watching as you flagged down your taxi, “whatever you say.”

“Are you complaining about having to work with me?” You asked, opening the door.

He chuckled, “oh yeah. I am just dreading tomorrow.” Sarcasm laced his words, making you laugh.

“Goodnight, Pete.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Thursday

Donna ushered you around all day, making sure you were in the rehearsal space when you needed to be and supporting you from the side. This part of the process came naturally to you, as it was the most similar to rehearsing and filming on movie sets.

When you weren’t rehearsing a scene, you were hanging out with Pete. It was strange how easily you got along, your humors aligning almost perfectly. Not to mention he was a huge flirt and was making it more and more obvious with you. You flirted right back, earning looks of amusement from Lorne throughout the day.

The day was a whirlwind, and by the time you were able to go home, you were exhausted. Pete walked you out to the street again, talking about one of the sketches that went wrong earlier until your taxi pulled up. This time he opened the door for you and helped you inside, “see you tomorrow.”

You smiled up at him, “bright and early.”

Friday

After hours of rehearsing, you plopped onto the couch in Pete’s dressing room, where you had found yourself a home over the past few days, “I don’t know how you guys do this every week. I’ve been here for four days and I’m exhausted.”

Pete chuckled, “to be fair, you’re the host. The key is to try and only get one sketch into the show so that you don’t have to do anything during the week.”

You laughed, letting a comfortable silence fall over you. Pete studied you, taking in your tired appearance, “you’re doing great though, being a host. I’ve seen some people come in and try to take control of everything and then no one has fun. You’re really good at just letting the comedy speak for itself. Not many people do that.”

Shrugging, you responded, “I mean, I’m not a comedian, I’m just an actor. You guys come up with everything. I don’t know enough to try and control things around here, I just do what I can to make your visions come to life. I figured that’s what a host should do.”

Pete nodded, “yeah, but again, a lot of people want their SNL episode to look a certain way. You don’t seem to care.”

“I just want to have fun, honestly.”

He smirked, “are you?”

You looked up to him with a smile on your face, “definitely.”

Suddenly the speaker in the room rang out, “Y/N and Pete to main stage 1.”

Groaning, you lifted yourself from the couch, Pete watching you with amusement, “c’mon Ms. Host, we’ve got a show to rehearse.”

Saturday

The day was hectic; filled with rehearsal after rehearsal. Lorne and Donna made sure that you were comfortable all day, but you could feel the stress radiating from every inch of the studio.

Stronger than that, though, was the sense of excitement buzzing around everyone. You were fit into more costumes than you could count, all leading up to the final dress rehearsal of the night in front of the live studio audience.

Dress ran smoothly, but you could see Lorne cutting lines from sketches from stage out of the corner of your eye. Luckily, Pete distracted you from all the anxious energy. “I know Lorne looks like a psychopath, but that’s just what he does. Everything’s fine, don’t stress about it,” he said over dinner.

You chuckled, “thanks. I feel so out of my league this week.”

“I told you, you’re great. Everyone here loves you. I heard Lorne talking about wanting you back as soon as possible.”

Rolling your eyes, you responded, “yeah right, I’m never gonna do anything big enough to get me on this show again.”

Pete laughed, “you could always make guest appearances with me on the Weekend Update.”

“You aren’t sick of me already?” you joked.

After dinner you were paraded around by Donna, who got you into your style for opening monologue. She smiled at you through your dressing room mirror, “how are you feeling?”

You gave her a nervous smile, “terrified, but ready.”

The lady chuckled, “you’ll do great. I’ll be right offstage if you need anything.”

“Thank you, for everything this week.”

She squeezed your shoulders, “don’t mention it, though if you really want to thank me, go ask that Davidson boy out on a date.”

Your eyes went wide, “Donna!”

A chuckle rang out through the room, “what? I say it for your own good.”

She led you through a maze of hallways and tunnels until you were in place to walk onstage, the speaker announcing your name to the audience followed by cheers.

Exactly 90 minutes later you were gathered with the cast on stage, “thank you to Fletcher, Lorne Michaels, this amazing cast and crew, and thank you all for watching. Goodnight everybody!”

You turned to Pete, who was standing beside you and let him pull you in for a hug, “you did it!” he cheered.

You passed around the cast, giving hugs to as many people as you can before Lorne announced, “that’s a wrap on Y/N Y/L/N and Fletcher!”

Everyone cheered, clapping for you and your musical guest before heading to their dressing rooms to change into their night clothes. You went back to your own dressing room, taking a moment to bask in the feeling of accomplishment.

A knock on your door pulled you out of your haze, “come in!”

Pete entered the room, a wide smile on his face, “congrats!” You let him pull you in for another hug, “so I know that there’s supposed to be this big party after the show, but I was wondering if you’d let me take you to dinner instead?”

Your breath got caught in your throat, those words being the last thing you expected to hear from him. Of course, you wanted to say yes because you did, truthfully, really like him. But part of you was hesitant.

You’d dated your fair share of celebrities, and things always ended very publicly and typically poorly. On top of that, you couldn’t help but feel that this might be happening a bit too quick. You started to doubt that he would still have feelings for you in a week since he wouldn’t be around you nearly all the time.

And then there was the issue of your insane work schedules. Having just lived through his, you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep a relationship like that.

“Pete, I think you’re amazing and I really like you, I just-“

Pete nodded his head, cutting you off, “I know we only met like a couple of das ago, but people go on dates with literal strangers all the time.”

You sighed, “it’s not that, Pete, it’s just that…” you paused, searching for words, “things like this tend to be very public with me, and I really don’t want to have a relationship where there’s all this pressure by the media to be perfect.”

He shrugged, “I get that, but it’s just dinner. And we can go somewhere quiet and private, no one has to know. And if things go further then we’ll just keep it on the down low until you’re ready. Trust me, I know what a public relationship is like, I’m not a huge fan either.”

“Yeah, but what about your work schedule. I mean, I’ve only lived in your world for six days and I want to sleep for a month. How do you even hold a relationship on this schedule?”

Pete moved closer to you, fingers grazing your arm, “we can make it work. I promise. Just give me one date, and if it’s not the best first date of your life, you have no further obligations to me.”

You giggled lightly, leaning into his touch, “I’m only saying yes because you’re kinda cute.”

He smiled down at you, eyes twinkling, I’ll take it.”

[imaginesbygrace]

Rose Petals(Colin Jost)

Requested 

Masterlist

Your shoulders were heavy, the weight of a full work day holding you closer to the ground. Your shoulders all slumped over, craving a bubble bath and wine. You didn’t expect to see your home decorated from floor to ceiling. 

Small Christmas lights were strewn all around the house, red rose petals laid on the floor leading out the door. Your bags hit the floor with a thud and shutting the door behind you, kicking your shoes off. “Colin?” You call out, but are met with silence. 

Deciding to follow the path of petals, you hurry along, curiosity pouring out of your chest. There wasn’t a single noise throughout the house, just the patter of your feet against the hardwood floors. 

The petals lead you towards the door to the backyard. The petals continued on outside, forming the shape of a heart. Stepping inside the heart you giggle softly, Colin appearing behind you. 

“Hello,” he smiled as you turned to face him. He was dressed in a suit, something he never wore at home. 

“Hey,” you grinned and gestured towards the petals, “What’s all this?” 

“It’s the least I could do,” he shrugged simply. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” he took in a breath, “I love you. I love you with my whole heart and I hate when we leave for work every morning. I hate that I don’t get forever with you and I love getting anytime with you at all. I wake up everyday more in love with you than ever, and I dream about you every night,” he paused to join you. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Colin, so much.” 

“Good, because I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. Y/N,” he paused to lower himself to one knee. “Will you marry me?”

[its-ashleyreads]

Finished: 30/07/2021

A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost

We have to remember that progress isn’t just a straight line upwards, O.K.? It’s a weird roller coaster where sometimes you’re screaming for joy, and other times you’re barfing in your own face.

Summary:

SNL head writer and Weekend News host, Colin Jost, has led a colourful life to say the least. From attending Harvard to having a parasite lay eggs inside of his legs to having his life saved by Jimmy Buffett but only recognising him from his chain of restaurants to winning a PETA “Elly” award. Through a series of occasionally emotional, often funny, 100% surprising essays, Colin Jost tells the stories of his life.

Review:

I began A Very Punchable Face, all the way back in April but four months later I still somehow wish I’d made it last longer. I have never had so much fun or laughed so hard while reading anything. I listened to the audiobook and the ebook simultaneously and it was fun to see the bits that were added and removed from both. The audio is also fun because sometimes as he’s telling a story you can hear the laugh in his voice which just makes it even funnier. But it wasn’t all shits and giggles. The chapter about his mom and 9/11 was an instant tear-jerker not only for the story but for the beautiful way in which it was written and the gratitude you can feel in the writing.

Colin Jost writes for a living so it’s not much of a surprise that he’d be good a it, but it takes a special kind of skill to make a person feel like they’re not even reading because they’re so immersed in the story. Everything flowed together beautifully, and the language used didn’t just tell a story but made you envision it. I can’t say enough how much I loved this book.

[going-full-shmoo]

can you write one where you meet Josty for the first time at a bar? y’all hit it off right away, a lil chirping & flirtation ensues? ;)

Hey anon! I’ve written something similar to this not too long ago, but I’m bored so I might as well. Also, I was halfway through writing this when the app crashed and deleted everything so it will not be as good as what I had originally written.

REQUEST HERE / RULES

you couldn’t remember exactly how you had found this bar

you just stumbled upon it one day after taking a walk through Denver

it was a small little hole in the wall, not too many people, but still popular enough to be notable

it was perfect for you, and so you became a frequent presence there

whenever you needed somewhere to go and decompress, you found yourself there

in fact, you had been there so often that the bartenders knew your name and order by heart at this point

but the thing you enjoyed most about this bar was the fact that every weekend during the summer, they held a Trivia Night

and that, ironically, was how you ended up meeting Colin Wilson

Colin also had become a frequent presence at that bar, along with some of the older members of the team, because of their Trivia Night

he had called it a “bonding activity” for them, and it became a popular time for the boys to relax and have fun during the offseason

he had noticed you there often, and you always were on a team all by yourself - not that it made you any less of a competitor

but you always had a smile on your face, and were kind to everyone you met

and he knew, he had to play matchmaker

which is how Tyson ended up sitting at a table in the bar with Colin on Trivia night, just the two of them

“I’m going to go do some recruiting. I’ll be right back” Colin told him

Tyson nodded and went back to his beer, taking in the homey atmosphere around him

Colin, then, made his way over to you

“Hi, I’m Colin,” he stuck his hand out for you to shake. “My team is missing a person tonight, so I was wondering if you wanted to join us? I notice that you’re here a lot, and you’re really good. I think we’d be a great team”

you looked over to the table he gestured at, and saw Tyson sitting there all by himself

you couldn’t help but think he was extremely cute, and the fact that you’d be on a team together?

you couldn’t pass it up

“Okay, but drinks are on you,” you offered. “I’m (Y/N) by the way”

“It’s a deal, (Y/N)” 

he gestured for you to follow him, and he lead you over to where his teammate was sitting

“Tyson, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), Tyson” Colin introduced you

the two of you shook hands and smiled

you couldn’t help but notice that his hand was warm and calloused, but comforting at the same time

but the thing that struck you the most was his smile

it was like a shot of serotonin straight into your brain, and it made your heart beat a little faster

little did you know that your smile did the same for Tyson

Colin excused himself to go get you all another round of drinks, leaving you two at the table 

“So, (Y/N), you must be pretty good at this trivia stuff if Colin invited you over,” Tyson started

“I’m okay at it. I guess I just have a lot of weird knowledge” you smile bashfully

usually people would think you were very weird for knowing so many random facts

“That’s okay, I think that’s really cool,” he smiled at you again

cue your heart melting again

the two of you sat and talked for a little while as you waited for the trivia game to begin

you found out how he and Colin knew each other, and he found out how you were in the process of getting your Masters at the University of Denver

with every passing moment the two of you found yourself falling harder for him

he was cute, and witty, and flirty without even realizing it

Tyson loved that you were just as smart as Colin had mentioned, and even sweeter than he could have imagined

“I just don’t like wearing regular shoes, what’s so weird about that?”

“Because, Tyson, you need shoes to protect your feet! How on earth did you manage to get through an entire round of golf only in sandals?”

“I didn’t say that I did it WELL, just that I did it”

you laughed, which in turn made him laugh

that’s when Colin came back over with the drinks, and the game began

the first few questions were easy, the three of you getting them quickly without fail

but as the game went on, you noticed that you and Tyson were starting to lead the game

“I know I’m right on this. Breakfast Club absolutely came out in 1985!” you state

“No, it came out in 82!” he argued

“Wanna bet?”

“Okay. If I’m right, you have to take three shots of tequila”

“And if I’m right, you need to play the rest of the game with your shirt over your head”

“Why my shirt over my head? Looking for a little something?” he winked at you

you couldn’t help but flush at his words

“No, just want to make you look ridiculous” you smile, your cheeks still a bit flushed

sure enough, the emcee shows that you were right - it was 1985

and so, true to his word, Tyson pulled his shirt up over his head, so now only his face was peeking out of the shirt hole

causing you to giggle hysterically at the sight

“You look so proud of yourself” he smiled at you

“I am” you managed to get through your giggles

the game continued, and the two of you continued to make little bets, trying to out-do one another

Colin just sat there like “yes this was exactly my plan...”

“Okay. One last bet,” Tyson offered. “If we win Trivia Night, you have to come to an Avalanche game wearing my jersey, and then go to dinner with me after”

“Okay, I’m listening,” you chuckled. “If we lose?”

“You just have to have dinner with me”

“...Tyson is this your weird way of asking me on a date?”

“...Maybe...is it working?”

you wink at him as the final drumroll started

the emcee announced the table next to you as the winner, beating your table by one point

all three of your shoulders sank in disappointment, but at least you got second

Colin went to get one final round for the three of you, as a consolation prize

“All right, Jost. You gotta pay up. Dinner. Tomorrow night, just the two of us” you smiled at him

you could see his face start to light up again

“You serious?”

“That was the bet, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, yes it was”

the three of you enjoyed your drinks, and you exchanged numbers with Tyson to arrange your date for the next night

what you didn’t know was that you found your regular trivia partner that night, as well as a life partner

but for now, dinner was a good start

[companionjones]

Love In The City

Pairings: Seth Meyers x Stefon, Leslie Jones x Colin Jost

Fandom: Saturday Night Live

Summary: Some friends go out for drinks, but a conflict erupts.

Warnings: Curses, Leslie Jones, many sexual references

*******

    “Jeez, it’s almost been an hour. Where are they?” Michael Che questioned Amy Poehler.

    She shrugged, “Who knows? Maybe they finally killed each other.”

    “Oh, shut up you sensual snow storm on Christmas day,” Leslie Jones complimented Colin Jost as the two of them entered the bar.

    Che commented upon spotting the couple, “Nope. Haven’t killed each other yet. S’up, Colin?” he greeted his friend.

    “S’up, Che?” Colin returned, using the same tone that Michael did. Which, let’s just say, wasn’t Colin’s usual style.

    Michael put a stop to it. “No. No. Stop that now.”

    Colin winced, “Yeah, sorry.”

    Leslie and Colin took their seats at the table Amy and Michael were at.

    “Sorry we’re late, guys.” Leslie explained, “We were busy doing some paddy whack.” She smirked at her partner.

    Colin cleared his throat and tried to hide his blush. “Come on, Leslie. They don’t need to know about that.”

    Leslie smacked her lips. “Oh baby, you know Mama’s just excited. She wants the whole world to know that we do the do, you white, sexy version of Urkel.”

    More to himself than anyone else, Colin mumbled, “Why Urkel?”

    Amy Poehler decided to change the subject. “So Leslie, how are you doing since you left SNL?”

    “Oh, I’m doing great, Amy. I have this new audio series coming out with John Cena.”

    Michael nodded, “Yeah, I heard about that. What’s it about?”

    “I’m telling you, gorgeous,” a new voice entered the bar. “This place has everything: hobos, orphans, that fitted sheet you just can’t get to stay on your bed.”

    The strange man’s husband, Seth Meyers reasoned, “Okay, we can go there later tonight. But let’s just hang out with our friends for now.”

    Stefon agreed, “Sure, but we have to get there soon, they close as soon as their owner, Sarah Silverman’s vagina, gets arrested. And, trust me, it’s coming.”

    Meyers nodded vaguely to respond to his husband while they took their seats. “Hey guys, hey Amy,” he addressed the others at the table, “How’s everyone been?”

    They all gave their answers, then everyone ordered.

    “So,” began Amy, “Stefon, I heard you’re getting back into writing. Any projects yet?”

    “No,” was Seth’s immediate, dismissive answer.

    Stefon contradicted, “Yes, actually.”

    “Oh,” Michael tried to encourage, “What is it?”

    “You don’t want to know,” warned Seth.

    The former tourism correspondent replied, “It’s this flick about two step-brothers trying to find their way as they moved to the city together.”

    Michael endorsed, “That doesn’t sound bad at all. Seth, why are you so stressed about that?”

    The late night show host bluntly answered, “It’s a porno,” just before taking a sip from his coffee.

    Amy and Michael voiced their sudden distaste.

    “Well,” encouraged Leslie, almost pervertedly, “Don’t stop there.”

    Colin hesitantly agreed, “Yeah. I’d like to know how fast it goes from that to...porn.”

    Jones turned her head to Jost. “Shut up,” she instructed without batting an eye.

    “Oh, thank God,” Amy sighed, “Food’s here.”

    The six ate in silence for a minute or two before conversation started up again. Luckily, the atmosphere wasn’t as hostile as it had been before.

    “Remember that, Che?” Colin laughed, “It smelled so bad!”

    Michael chuckled, “You don’t have to remind me. I felt bad for Aidy and Kate. They were the one’s holding it.”

    Everyone had stories to tell.

    Amy, for instance, couldn’t catch her breath at one point because she was laughing too hard. “And...and Lorne hadn’t even shown up yet, but we were all losing it because of that stupid newscaster skit.”

    “We didn’t even end up doing it!” exclaimed Seth in a fit of laughter.

    Meanwhile, as everyone else was giggling, Leslie leaned over to Stefon. “I hate when they start talking like this. It’s like they all have some sort of bond because they were all anchors on Weekend Update.”

    “I know,” Stefon rolled his eyes, “You should see Seth when we get home. He brings up things that are wildly different from the actual subject of the conversation.”

    Leslie nodded, “I get what you’re saying. You know what? We don’t need this. You know any good clubs near here?”

    “I know plenty,” assured Stefon.

    The two got up to leave.

    “Whoa, wait. Where are you guys going?” questioned Colin.

    Stefon answered enthusiastically, “We’ve had enough of your bullshit!”

    “What?” Seth disputed.

    Michael bewilderedly repeated, “Bullshit?”

    “Yeah!” Articulated Leslie, “If you ‘Weekend Update’-ers want to keep carrying on like good ol’ pals, that’s fine with us. We’ll be out actually enjoying ourselves. I am a strong, independent, fine black woman. I do not need to take this!”

    Stefon exclaimed, “Yeah!” as if every word Leslie said applied to him.

    The two outlandish characters left the bar.

    “Oh no,” Colin worriedly voiced.

    Seth sighed. He was used to that particular situation. “Come on, let’s go after them.”

    “What? No,” disagreed Amy, “They freaked out for no reason. They’re in the wrong here.”

Both Colin and Seth got out of their seats--much to Amy and Michael’s surprise.

    Jost swallowed, “I don’t know...Were we too rude? Should we have included them more?”

    Seth put his arm on Colin’s shoulder to try and council the man. “Hey. We don’t worry about that stuff now. What we do now is we go after them.”

    Colin nodded, “Okay.”

    “Why?” wondered a confused Michael Che. “Why would you go after them? Come to think of it, why even be in a relationship with them in the first place?”

    Colin Jost was suddenly protective of his girlfriend, “Listen, Che--”

    “Whoa there,” Seth almost had to hold Colin back. “Sorry guys, but we have to go. Let’s do this again.” Meyers paid for everyone, then he and Jost were out of there.

    Out on the street, Jost turned to the more experienced man when it came to dating crazy people. “How the hell are going to find them? Do you have any ideas where Leslie and Stefon would go?”

    “Hang on.” Seth stopped to think. “Let’s see. Stef was pissed, and when he’s pissed he wants to dance...He was in a tequila and Pepsi Fire mood...We’re on 43rd and 6th...Duck!”

    Colin immediately plunged his whole body downward. “What?! Why?!”

    “No, ‘Duck!’ The club. I know where they are.” Seth hailed a cab.

    Ten minutes later, Seth and Colin pulled Stefon and Leslie out of the EDM club.

    “Okay, okay! We’re out. What do you boys want?” Stefon took a sip from a drink of his own invention.

    Leslie was less compliant. “Get your hands of me,” she ordered.

    Colin backed off.

    “Look, guys. We’re sorry,” conceded Seth.

    Stefon played dumb. “Sorry about what?”

    Again, Seth sighed, “Sorry about ignoring you at the bar.”

    “Oh, you did?” tested Stefon, “I didn’t notice.”

    Seth chuckled, “You didn’t?”

    Stefon barely took a break from his drink. “Nope.”

    “Not at all?” teased Seth.

    The club-goer shook his head, but he was trying to hide a smile.

    Seth scoffed tauntingly, “Yeah, right,” before moving to kiss his husband.

    Colin looked to Leslie.

    She wasn’t taking it. “Nope. Don’t even try that stuff with me.” Leslie started walking away.

    Colin went after her again. “Leslie! I’m sorry.”

    “Mmhm, sure you are,” was Leslie’s sarcastic response.

    Colin sighed, “I am! You know I could never consciously make you feel like that.”

    Leslie just eyed the man.

    “Hey, I am sorry. That’s just how I am sometimes...You know me, baby. I’m forgetful.” Colin decided to push his luck with the nickname.

    Fortunately, it made Leslie smile, “Yeah I know, you pineberry covered in white chocolate that I’m gonna eat for dinner.”

    Inwardly, Colin sighed, happy he was back in his girlfriend’s good graces. “Good. Now how about we go back to my place and we make an Oreo with your thighs and my head.”

    “Oo, Colin. I’m rubbing off on you, aren’t I?”

    He just smirked, “I hope you will be later tonight.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading! Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it. I also would love a comment if you have the time. If you would like to read more, I have more fics about SNL over on my page. You should go check it out. Also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN. I take requests for one-shots, drabbles, multi-chapters, headcannons and preferences. No smut, please. I write for a variety of fandoms. If you’re wondering if I write for a specific fandom, please ask me. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you.<3

[jj-lynn21]

The Charity- various fandoms & x-reader ch 1

warnings: egotism, light flirtation, Swedish language (but probably only in this chapter), straight & LGBTQ characters, AU actors: I do not think any of these actors act like what I am writing them to be like. Its just a story folks. 

ch 2

ch 3

ch 4

ch 5

You get an intriguing email from Vernon:

Hello YN,

I’m an assistant at your public relations firm. There is a charity event coming up on January 25, we think you should attend. You will help raise money for your favorite charity and get to meet other like-minded individuals in entertainment. The gathering is at Le Jardin de Russie 1430 N Cahuenga Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028. Arrive before 5pm. Dinner will be served at 6:30pm.

Thank you,

Vernon

You only hired a PR firm on the urge of your manager who was suggested by family when you did your first small acting job last year. The job paid more than you expected and lead to other small roles which mostly got cut from feature films. You still got paid for the work, so although it was disappointing it wasn’t devastating. Your family was more upset than you, roles got cut. You decide to attend the event. You might even get some connections to help you get another acting job. It doesn’t hurt to mingle a little.

On the date stated in the email you arrive at Le Jardin de Russie at 4:30pm. After following the signs to parking you walk to the front entrance to climb the stairs wearing an off the rack red cocktail dress with the six-inch Jimmy Choo shoes your manager bought you for these occasions. Two men in tuxes open the doors. Walking in, your breath is just taken away by the space.

Ellen Page says, “What’s up buttercup.”

Trying to keep your cool you smile saying, “Not a thing at all, for now.”

Ellen Page says, “cool, I’m Ellen. I don’t think I have ever seen you at one of these things before.”

You say, “I’m (YN), my first time at one of these, Ellen.”

Chris Evans nudges Tom Hiddleston with a mischievous grin on his face.

Chris Evans says, “What do you think? I know Ellen can be a real bitch, but you think I could fuck the new girl. She might be bi.” He laughs and tosses some peanuts in his mouth from a bowel on the bar counter as he holds a beer with the other hand.

Tom Hiddleston says, “That’s the LAST thing on my mind.”

Chris Evans says, “You’re no fun. Charity functions are only good if you can get a little something out of it for yourself.”

Tom Hiddleston shakes his head annoyed with his immature past co-worker. Robert Downey Jr walk over to them bottled of water in hand.

Robert says, “How are you gentlemen this evening? Not planning to get into any trouble, are you Chris?”

Chuckling Tom says, “You know he has already picked out a victim.”

Chris Evans says, “Hey, she is not a victim when she consents. I do have rules at these functions.”

Robert says, “And from what I’ve seen they are very loose rules.”

Putting on a serious voice Chris Evans says, “But they are rules.”

You can’t believe the people you are seeing here already. You excuse yourself to go get a drink at the bar. You are so nervous as you walk trying not to look nervous. You do eventually have to introduce yourself to these people.

Whispering in Tom Hiddleston’s ear Chris Evans says, “Here comes my Princess. She will fucking eat that shit up.”

Tom Hiddleston rolls his eyes. All of them smile as you get closer.  You ask the bar tender for a rum and coke before saying anything. Maybe it will make you not sound so star struck. Before you even get a sip of the liquid courage Chris Evans introduces himself.

Chris Evans says, “Hey, Princess, I’m Chris. I know there is more than one Chris here tonight,” He points to Chris Pine who somehow you missed standing with Cody Fern on the other side of the room, “I’m the one that will call you Princess.” He winks.

Giggling you say, “I’m (YN) but you can call me Princess if you want to. Are you boys staying out of trouble?”

Taking your hand to kiss it chivalrously Robert says, “They rarely do. I’m Robert.”

Raising his drink Tom Hiddleston, “Pleased to meet you (YN), I’m Tom”

Then Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost walk in the door. Scarlett waves to the guys as Colin smiles towards the group of avenger film alumni.

Putting a hand on your back Robert says, “Excuse us our sister is here.”

Chris Evans says, “Me calling her sister is sick.” He winks at you before all of them rushes over to her, “Hey baby girl.”

You keep your laughter to yourself as they surround her for a group hug. You definitely feel bad for Colin dealing with all her big brothers and whatever Chris Evans considers himself to her.  They come back over to the bar and Chris Evans puts his arm around your shoulders as he introduces you.

Chris Evans says, “This Princess is (YN). Princess This is Colin and Scarlett.”

Colin says, “Oh, another sister for the group, cool.”

Chris Evans says, “You know I don’t consider any women my sister unless she is actually blood.”

Awkwardly Collin says, “Oh, yeah cool.”

The Skarsgårds walk in next speaking Swedish among themselves.

Valter Skarsgård, “Varför var jag tvungen att komma till detta?”

Stellan Skarsgård says, “Om du vill arbeta i staterna som dina bröder måste du bara gå till dessa saker.”

You bite your lip as you see all of them in there beautifully tailored suits. There height in person just blows your mind. And the hotness of the young men is almost overwhelming. You shrug Chris Evan’s arm off your shoulders.

Laughing Tom Hiddleston says, “I think you have competition.”

To Valter, Bill says, “suga upp det smörblomma.”

Gustaf Skarsgård says, “lägg dina stora tjejtrosor på lillebror och njut av detta.”

When Chris Pine sees Alex Skarsgård He smack Cody Ferns chest.

Chris Pine says, “Fuck me.”

Cody fern says, “That is Daddy.”

Alex walks over to Ellen and kisses her sweetly on the lips.  Pine and fern drop their jaws.

Alex says, “Good to see you baby girl.” Which give him a giggle from the last person in the room you would picture as a giggler.

A gentlemen walks out to say, “Dinner will be served if you all come into the dinning room. There is a table for ten and a smaller table set for four. You decide who sits where.”

Tom Holland rushes in all hyper, but pale as hell. He says, “I made it. Who’s ready to party? I brought party supplies.”

Robert shakes his head. Everyone heads into the dining room.

[snl-loves]

colin jost x reader | new job | pt. 1/2

request: n/a {please leave requests tho lmao}

a/n: ok this is... a lot. idk i feel like its a bit descriptive BUT there will be a part two that will hopefully be better, and actually have mainly colin focused content in it. if there is anything you think i could improve on let me know!

warnings: the jokes written and character are ones i came up and they’re mediocre at best. sadly two of my friends and i actually came up with the character at school and two other ones as well and annoy our teachers with them sksksksk. this also probably not 100% accurate to an actual snl audition.

word count: 1,368

        making people laugh was sort of your specialty, or at least you thought so. in middle school you won class clown for your eighth-grade superlatives, but that was when you were young and even something as simple as the word “bean” could make a whole class of fourteen-year-olds laugh. though, even if your classmates were wrong about you being funny, you enjoyed at least trying to be. in fact, you enjoyed it so much you kissed your family goodbye and moved to new york city to audition for saturday night live. though this was very exciting, to say you were nervous was an understatement. the day you arrived was the day you auditioned, so a whole new city and trying out for your dream job in the span of two hours. fun. especially because you’d be around the 80th person to stand on that stage all day.

        you heard in the waiting room that lorne michaels and writers sat in the room as you performed, which was a given, but, current cast members seemed to switch in and out every audition. multiple people said beck bennett sat in for them, some others said kenan thompson or cecily strong, and others even said three or more of them sat in the room. this left you on edge. you didn’t know who was going to be in there. what if it was someone you really liked and wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of? what if it was someone you knew wouldn’t like you? then again, you didn’t know any of these people outside of playing characters on tv, but still. a million thoughts ran through your head, but it was just nerve-wracking knowing you're gonna be performing in a room full of actual funny people, as a nobody.

         “ NUMBER EIGHTY-TWO, OR Y/N L/N! ” an older salt and pepper haired man yelled, who you assumed to be a casting director. as you got up and grabbed your box of props, a young man rushed out of the room crying. this made you break into a nervous sweat and your eyes became glossy, wanting your mother for some reason, but you tried to stay composed. you took a deep breath and walked into the room.

        as soon as you stepped in the room you stopped. the stage where the musical guest and host gave their monologue stood in front of you. it was a mesmerizing site. imagine seeing something that you’ve loved and imagined yourself on for the past fifteen years. for a few seconds you just stood and stared, but you shook your head out of your daze and walked over to the table where lorne and the writers sat. you handed your rèsumè to one of the writers. at first, you tried not to make eye contact with any of them, but you soon realized that was one of the poorest choices you could make; you just shook everyone’s hand and flashed a smile.

        after shaking lorne’s hand you, which caused a flash of heat to run through your body, you walked onto the stage. that was probably the worst part so far, walking in complete silence, with only the only the tap of your shoes hitting the floor, and all of them staring at you. you set up your things on stage, which wasn’t much. a plate, fork, knife, and an unplugged landline. they were nice enough to provide you with a small table and chair. you had prepared a small standup routine, and two different characters.

        “ hi, i’m y/n l/n and today i’m going to be performing a small set of jokes i have written, and two characters i have come up with. ” the moment those words came out of your mouth, you heard a door from the right of you opening. you didn’t look though, for two reasons. you didn’t want to seem distracted easily, or know who just walked in.

        you took the mic off of its stand and began telling jokes. “ wow, um. this audition sure does feel different than any of the other ones i’ve done,” you smiled, trying to loosen up. “sorta like a perfume commercial. in your head, it’s totally perfect and you think it’s going to be all peaches and roses, yet it ends up smelling like your grandma's bathroom and two-year-old baby powder. ” this was a bad joke, at least you thought. you knew the writers/people in the audition weren’t supposed to laugh or even chuckle while you audition, so you knew just to keep going, but you were a bit taken back to hear a chuckle come from where you just heard door open, and though you just told yourself not to look, you did for a split second and realized it was the damned weekend update boy. you were too flustered to remember his name. you looked forward and kept going, noticing lorne michaels glaring at him.

        “ AND! you are NOT gonna believe what stacy brought to thanksgiving this year! ” you half-shouted, in the thickest boston accent you could achieve, into the unplugged landline you had brought with you. “ chicken teriyaki! i mean, who does that? i don't care how hard you're trying to re brand yourself after finding out your husband is cheating on you with the hygienist at the dentist’s offices he works at, you can still bring god damned yams to the family thanksgiving! ” the whole time you performed, you could feel the update boy burning a whole into the side of your head with his eyes. you couldn’t tell if this good or bad, but to the least bit, you were flattered. i mean, at least he's paying attention. plus, whenever you’d glance back at him you could see he was trying to conceal a smile. you completely forgot how nervous you were about cast members watching you.

        before you even knew it, the thing that you had worried you for over a month had come to an end. you gathered your things, thanked all the producers, writers, and lorne, and walked out of the room. you had no idea what was gonna happen next; but you were excited.

        you headed out of rockefeller center, the mild wind breezing past you. you were just about to turn a corner, when you were stopped by someone tapping your shoulder and a small “ hey! ” you turned and it was weekend update boy. kind of surprised, you just smiled and replied “ hi ? “ back.

        “ you probably remember me as the creepy guy giggling in the dim lit corner from your audition. i’m colin, by the way. “ that was it. colin jost. “ i know i’m not allowed to do this, but i really just wanted to compliment you on your whole performance... it was fantastic, and i mean like, 100% fantastic,” you felt your face heat up a little bit, and you began playing with your hands. “ uh... i... thank you i guess-- i mean no, not i guess, thank you. i was so nervous, and i’m nervous right now, but that means a lot to me. “ you managed to get out. he chuckled at you, “ i really don’t want to boost your hopes up because i don’t decide who gets on the show or not, but i really cannot wait to maybe begin working with you. “ he stuck out his hand for you to shake, and you complied. “ it was nice meeting you, “ you smiled, pulling your hand back. you looked down into it, and saw a tiny crumbled up piece of paper in it. you opened it, and it revealed a phone number. cheesy, but okay. “ you too. “ he winked, turning around and walking back into the building, not even hesitating or thinking about what he had just done. you just and stared for a minute trying to comprehend what just happened. you stuck the paper in your pants pocket, let out a small “today has been weird in a good way” squeal, and began your walk to the subway, and to an apartment you now had to unpack.