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littlewinter1917 · 4 years ago

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𝔏𝔦𝔨𝔢 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔩 𝔓𝔢𝔬𝔭𝔩𝔢 𝔇𝔬

𝔓𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔒𝔫𝔢

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Series Masterlist

Words: 5.9k

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: It’s Halloween, and you’re housesitting for a good friend of yours. But what initially started out as a relaxed movie night quickly turns into something more frightening, as a strange man shows up on your doorstep, and he’s not who you think he is. Mysteries, misunderstandings, an unsolved murder, and a man without his memory all lead you to an intrigue whose solution turns out to be more difficult and dangerous than you could have ever anticipated.

Warnings: Brief mentions of blood and injuries. Swearing. Tensions.

If there are any warnings, that you think are missing, please don‘t hesitate to reach out and tell me, so I can add them accordingly.

A/N: This is my first time writing a series so I'm a bit nervous about sharing this, lol. Also, I know Bucky makes his first appearance a bit belated in this chapter, but please bear with me, I promise he will be a more prominent part of the story in the upcoming chapters!

If you’re reading this, I hope you enjoy!

“God, this weekend is going to be so much fun!” your friend, Lara exclaims while eagerly dragging you along down the street.

“And you’re going to love the café I told you about,” she adds, “we’re almost there anyway.”

Before you even get the chance to respond, she continues with her chatter.

“I’ve just found it a couple of weeks ago, and I swear to God they make the best pastries in all of Cold Springs.”

“Well, that certainly sounds promising.” you admit, smiling brightly at her.

If you’re being really honest, as enticing as the claim sounds, you are actually way more excited about finally being able to catch up with your friend whom you haven’t seen in quite some time.

Lara has been one of your closest friends for a while now, yet unfortunately, you don’t get to see each other as often as you’d both like. It’s mainly due to the fact that you two live in different states and finding the time and a date that aligns with both of your schedules is actually not an easy endeavor.

But somehow you two managed to do the seemingly impossible, although it did come with a bit of a twist.

Lara had needed someone to housesit and look after her two cats while she was out of town for a book convention in Boston, and it coincidentally aligned exactly with your semester break.

Naturally, you had offered your help and Lara gratefully took you up on your offer, even though she had been a little bit hesitant at first saying that she couldn’t possibly ask you to do that.

But you brushed her off, emphasizing that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, it wasn’t like she wouldn’t do the same thing for you if the roles were reversed.

She had already helped you countless of times in the past, especially in regard to your academic adventures since Lara mainly works is as an archivist, apart from her involvement with some independent book organizations.

Because of her job in the archive, she often provides you with sources that are rather hard to come by. Despite her busyness, she would always make time and exceptions for you and go out of her way to find the best resources available to support you in your research and writing.

So if anything, helping her with some housesitting was the least you could do. After all, you only had some writing assignments due, and you would be able to work on those from her house just as well as from your apartment.

It was agreed upon that you would come visit her for a total of 10 days. You’d arrived earlier this morning, and Lara had excitedly picked you up from the airport.

After a brief stop at her house to drop off your luggage, you two walked down into the towns center with the intention of going for a belated breakfast in one of Lara’s favorite cafés.

“Here we are!” Lara announces, eyes bright and smiling.

She had stopped in front of a brick red building with big, framed windows and a wooden sign that declares in cursive letters: Patty’s Pastries – Best Pastries in all of New York.

“That’s a bold claim.” you note.

“Yeah, but I promise they deliver! You won’t be disappointed.” Lara insists while opening the door and you follow after her, laughing.

The interior of the café can be summarized into two simple words: Campfire-cozy.

The color palette consists mostly of deep and rusty browns and red tones, with big wooden tables and old, leathery seats.

The counter is illuminated by a warm orange light and there’s a fireplace burning at the back of the room, giving its surroundings a golden glow.

Despite the large windows on one side of the room, the place still manages to appear somewhat dim, adding to the cozy feeling of it all.

“Hey Patty!” Lara greets the woman behind the counter, who acknowledges the two of you with a kind smile.

“Hey Lara. It’s nice to see you again.”

“Likewise, Patty. Is the corner booth at the back taken yet?”

“No, I saved it for you, honey. It’s all yours.”

Lara beams at that.

“Patty, you truly are an angel sent from the heavens above. Thank you!” she declares, which only makes Patty laugh and shake her head.

“Follow me!” Lara beckons you while walking through the small café into the back of the room, her excitement almost outshining the sparkling fireplace.

The booth Lara picked out truly is a fortification of coziness.

It’s close enough to the fireplace that you can hear its faint crackling sound and feel some of its warmth, but not too close where the heat gets daunting.

The view from the window is nice and features the showcase of a small antique shop that’s situated across the small street, and the leathery seats are just the right amount of soft and comfy, which leaves you wondering how a place this perfect can actually exists.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Lara draws your attention to the small menu cards in front of you. One being their regular menu and the other one seems to be a Halloween special.

“They didn’t have this one last time I was here.” Lara observes while pointing at the Halloween one, which reads: Haunting Special – Two spooky treats for the price of one.

“Well, when was the last time that you were here?” you ask curiously, and Lara starts squirming in her seat for a moment.

“Uhm, will you think I’m crazy if I say yesterday?”

You can’t help but laugh at that.

“This really is starting to be your second home, huh? Are the pastries really that good?”

“Oh, you’ll understand why in just a moment.” Lara concludes, the determination clear in her eyes, before adding: “So, what would you like to drink?”

🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃

“God, these really are the most delicious pastries I’ve ever had!” you exclaim, before taking another bite from your éclair, leaning back into your seat, savoring the moment.

Lara just gives you a proud look that says, I told you so! Ere she continues eating her pain au chocolate.

“I wish they had those Halloween specials on more days than just Halloween,” she mumbles between bites, “those cute decorations are to die for!”

You smile in agreement.

There are little chocolate bats drawn on your éclair, and Lara’s pain au chocolate features the face of Adam, Frankenstein’s monster. The small pumpkin pie that’s shared between the two of you also looks a bit like a mummy and the chocolate brownie next to it features a cute marshmallow ghost. Even the red velvet cupcakes have a haunting look, with small bloody knives stuck in its cream frostings.

You’re not entirely sure how the two of you will be able to eat all of that, but Lara had insisted on wanting to give you the best pastry experience possible, and who are you disagree.

🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃

While eating your plenty pastries, the two of you talk about everything and anything. You two share laughter, memories, and pastries, and it really is the best time possible.

Since your housesitting would only start next week – from Monday till Friday – you and Lara still have this weekend, as well as the weekend of next week, to catch up and spend some time together.

And of course, you also have today: Friday, the 31st of October – better known as good old Halloween.

“Okay, so let me fill you in on tonight’s plan.” Lara gushes, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“I already told you about this dinner party tonight, right? But I don’t think I told you the details. The dinner party is hosted by two friends of mine, Grant Stevens and his wife, Marilyn Stevens. He’s an investigative journalist, she’s a rather famous archaeologist, and every year they host this murder-mystery party. It always has the theme of a decade – last year it was the 80s, and this year it’s the 1920s again.”

“Oh, so that’s why you asked me to bring my pearl necklaces.” you interject.

“Exactly! There’s this vintage clothing shop down the street with an array of tasseled dresses that we can try on and choose from, and they will go perfectly with your jewelry.” she asserts.

“Lara!” you exclaim baffled. “You’re telling me that we’re going dress shopping after I’ve just eaten a month worth of pastries?”

Lara can’t help but laugh at that, the sound of it as sweet, and joyful as the treats in front of you.

“Hey! You and me both sister!” she defends herself. “You and me both.”

After finishing all of your pastries and drinks, you two make your way down the street to the vintage clothing store when Lara’s phone starts ringing, making the two of you come to a sudden halt.

Pulling the phone out of her trench coat pocket, Lara briefly looks at its screen before taking the call.

The conversation is rather short yet judging purely by the look on Lara’s face, the news aren’t anything good. At the end of it, a pained expression is clearly written on her face.

“I understand,” she says, voice muted, “I’ll be there.”

Once Lara has stored her phone back in her pocket, she lets out a long sigh, before filling you in on the bad news.

The call had been from the management of the book convention that she helped organize. Because of some unexpected changes, they wanted her to fly out to Boston earlier than initially planed.

They wanted her to fly out tonight instead of Monday morning.

“It seems urgent.” Lara concludes apologetically. “They’re having troubles with some vendors, and they want me to take care of it.”

The previous excitement has vanished from her eyes and is instead replaced by a sorrowful look. It’s clear that she feels guilty about having to cancel your shared Halloween- and weekend plans.

“Did they give you an exact time where you need to leave?” you ask carefully.

“No, but they did say that they plan on booking me a flight for the evening.” Lara answers, the disappointment still apparent in both her voice and on her face.

“Okay, so we should probably get home then. You will need to pack your luggage and whatnot.”

“Yeah,” Lara agrees, halfheartedly, “I guess we should do that.”

Once you’re back at Lara’s place, you help her with gathering all of the stuff she needs for the weeklong convention.

Luckily, she had already started packing some essentials before you arrived, which made the whole ordeal both easier and quicker.

After taking care of the luggage, you both had enough time to sit down in the living room and talk some things through. You’d visited Lara enough times already to know your way around her house, but she still covered some of the basics.

In addition, Lara had written you some notes with instructions about how to feed her two cats, Milky Way and Soda Pop, as well as which plants you had to water in the time of her absence.

“On the fridge door are some take-away menus. I can especially recommend the Italian place, Little Steve’s. The content of the fridge is obviously also all yours. I got you some of those cold brew teas you really like, so you’ll find them there.” She tells you and you thank her for that.

“I’m still really sorry about ruining our Halloween plans.” Lara mumbles and your heart twists at the guilt in her voice.

“It’s alright! Don’t worry about it, I’ll be just fine.” you try reassuring her.

“I’ll be cuddling up on this couch here and watch some spooky movies,” you explain, “after all, you still have your amazing noir movie collection, right?”

“Oh, yes! And believe it or not, but I managed to expand the collection even more, so you should find another good treat or two.” Lara agrees, a small smile adorning her face again.

“I’m sure I will. And on top of that, I also get to spend some time with Milky Way and my beloved Godson Soda Pop. I’m sure they’ll want to catch up too.”

Lara chuckles softly at that. “Yeah, at least they get to enjoy your company. Didn’t think I would get jealous of my cats, but here we are.”

“Oh, don’t be! We still have the weekend after your trip, and we’ll certainly make the most of that.”

“Thank you for taking all of this so well.” Lara gratefully states, and you just give her a look that says it’s seriously fine, stop bringing this up.

“I think I told you everything you need to know, and – Oh! I almost forgot!” she exclaims. “A friend and ex-roommate of mine, Jake, was supposed to come pick up a custom-build book tonight. I’d told him he could just come by since he still has his keys and we were supposed to be out on that dinner party tonight, but now ….” Lara doesn’t finish the sentence and looks at you instead.

“Are you okay with him coming over? I can still text him and call of the plan if you’re not.”

You ponder her question for a moment. “He’s a good friend of yours?”

“Yeah. I promise he’s a sweetheart. A bit shy, and awkward, the quiet type, you know, but he’s alright! He used to live with me here for a couple of months before he found a small, affordable apartment, closer to the theater he works at. That’s what he needs the book for, too. It’s a prop for a new theater play starting on Monday. I’ve just finished making it yesterday.” Lara explains.

“I think you’ve briefly mentioned Jake before in the past. Is he the guy whose parents cut him off when he came out as bi?”

“Yes! Yes, it’s part of the reason why he ended up living with me for a while. I swear he wouldn’t be able to hurt a fly!”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it.” you joke.

“So, you’re okay with him coming over? I promise it will be quick. He’ll just come through the backdoor, grab the book I left for him on the dining table, and then he’ll leave again.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Did you just say he’ll come through the backdoor?” you question puzzled.

“Oh, right. I should probably explain this. Back when Jake used to live here, the next-door neighbor was this really hot biker guy who would always flirt with him. Jake had the biggest crush on him, too, it was rather cute. But he’d always get so flustered and speechless in that guy’s presence that he often tried avoiding him by sneaking through the backdoor instead. Even though the door is a pain in the butt to open, that habit has kind of stuck with Jake till now.”

“Oh,” you say, “and they’ve never gone out on a date?”

“No, I don’t think they have. The biker guy has moved out a while ago.”

“Huh, that’s kind of sad.”

“Yeah.” Lara agrees. “Wait, I’ll text him to let him know that you’ll be here so there aren’t any bad surprises.” Lara proposes as she quickly types away on her phone.

A few minutes later, she chimes in again. “He says it’s alright, but he’ll probably be wearing a Halloween costume just so you know.”

“Alright, noted. I’ll keep that in mind for when a Freddy Krueger type figure shows up at the backdoor.”

“Don’t forget, he’s a theater kid at heart, so he’ll probably go all out.” Lara warns you jokingly, and you both laugh.

A few hours and a lot of talking later, a notification appears on Lara’s phone letting her know that her taxi for the airport will arrive in about 5 minutes.

“Alright,” she sighs, “time to say goodbye.”

She plants a soft kiss on the top of each of her cats’ heads before moving on to you, engulfing you in a big and hearty hug. “Thank you for taking care of all of this.” she says, her voice muffled by your shoulder.

“Thank you for already making this day worthwhile with your company and all of those pastries.” you whisper back.

“Oh yeah? Bet you’ll be visiting that place as frequently as I do.”

“I sure will, and I’ll write you a check for it since you’re responsible for my newfound addiction.” you joke before adding: “Please text me once you’ve arrived safe and sound in Boston.”

“I will.” Lara promises. “And you’ll let me know how the movie night with the kittens goes.”

“At least they don’t talk during the film.” you tease.

Lara laughs and swats your shoulder.

“You’re a meanie.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Lara playfully counters, before pointedly looking down at the cats at her feet.

“Kittens, be well-behaved and nice to our guest. I’ll be back in a week, and I expect to hear nothing but good things about your manners.”

With that, the two of you make your way to the entrance, getting her luggage and sharing one last hug before opening the door.

You stay in the doorway as Lara makes her way down the stairs, through the small garden path towards the car parked on the sidewalk.

“Take care!” you shout while waving one more goodbye.

“You too!” Lara mirrors you, before getting her luggage and herself into the car. One more look, a wave through the window and off she goes.

🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃

“It’s just us three now.” you say to the two cats that nestle around your legs once you’ve closed the door.

Milky Way, Lara’s first cat looks up at you with wide, questioning eyes, almost as if he’s expecting you to continue talking.

He’s a black cat, with the exception of a white swirl on his tummy and seemingly matching white socks. The unusual galaxy-like swirl is also where he got his name from.

Soda Pop, on the other hand, is the younger one of the two, although only by a couple of months, since Lara got him shortly after getting Milky Way, once she realized that he craved a companion.

His looks can be described as a gloomy, fluffy gray with piercing blue eyes. Unlike Milky Way, his names origin is not as clear-cut.

You were there the day Lara got Soda Pop from the rescue shelter, when he was mere a clumsy and scared little kitten with big blue eyes.

“You can easily get lost in them.” you had joked. “His eyes are almost as piercing as Rob Lowe’s when he played that hot guy in the Outsiders. Wasn’t he called Sodapop, or something crazy like that?” you asked.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to imply here, but we are not naming my cat Sodapop.” Lara had said, laughing.

“I wasn’t implying anything – wait, that’s actually not a bad idea.”

“Oh, absolutely not!”

“Come on! I’m his supposed godmother, remember. Doesn’t that count for something?”

You were initially kidding, but now that you thought about it, Soda Pop wasn’t the worst name for a cat.

Or maybe it was and that’s why you liked it. Either way, Soda Pop should become the name of the cat, you silently decided.

But Lara had been as set in her ways against it as you were in your support of it.

“The cat deserves a normal name!” she argued.

“Right, like Milky Way.” you countered.

The two of you had been sitting on the kitchen floor, watching the kittens slowly get adjusted to one another while the talk about the best possible name continued.

You were both drinking some organic sparkling lemonade, which you’d bought in cans earlier, and while your can was safely placed on the kitchen counter, Lara had positioned hers next to herself on the ground.

You two were still absorbed in your naming debate when not-yet-named Soda Pop suddenly came running towards Lara and in the blink of an eye, knocked over the soda can.

“Oh shit!” you both exclaimed when the sparkling liquid formed a puddle on the kitchen floor, and Soda Pop took a dive right into it.

“Oh my God, that’s a sign!” You exclaimed while quickly fishing the small kitten out of its little, bubbly pond.

“I told you we should ask the cat. And now look at his answer!” You proudly stated while gently holding up the dripping kitten.

It took Lara a moment before she started laughing.

“Damn you and your godson of a cat.”

“I mean, he took a bath right in it. What more of a sign could you want? We can see it as his baptism and call it a day!”

“Alright, I concede. Soda Pop it is, but don’t you dare tell people it’s because of Rob Lowe’s Character.”

“Okay, fair enough.” You agreed. “It can stay a secret between the four of us, but right now we should probably go and clean little Soda Pop up!”

“God, I hate you. And I hate how the cat seems to be already as stuck in his way as you usually are in yours.” Lara teased.

You just laughed and blew her a kiss before walking towards the bathroom.

“Did you hear her? You really come after your godmother, you sticky little bastard!” you lovingly told the kitten, proudly looking down at his small form in the palms of your hands.

“Oh, Soda Pop, I really missed you!” you tell the cat, who’s comfortably laying in your lap while you’re stroking his fluffy fur.

“I still sometimes think about the day we brought you home and named you. Although getting that sticky drink out of your fur was a pain in the –“

your monologue is interrupted by a small meow.

“Exactly! That’s what I was about to say!” you agree, smiling down at the cat. “But it’s getting dark. Come on, time to get this spooky movie night started!”

You softly move Soda Pop down from your lap and onto the couch before making your way over to Lara’s DVD collection.

Pretty much every wall in the living room is covered in nothing but tall shelves, all filled to the brim with books except for one.

That’s where Lara keeps her collection of vintage films. Old movies were something you two bonded over early in your friendship, and it still is something you two unapologetically adore.

Brushing your hands softly over the DVD’s backs, you carefully read through the visible titles. Lara was right – she had grown her collection since your last time here.

“Hm, They Made Me a Killer is certainly a new addition,” you mumble to yourself, “but I think the quality is supposed to be rather grainy.” You still pull the movie out while you keep reading through the countless titles in front of you.

“Ghosts on the Loose. Never heard of it, but the name sounds promising, as does Phantom Killer.” You grab both movies before continuing on your search journey.

“Oh!” A small happy squeal escapes your lips. “Private Buckaroo! I can’t believe she got her hands on that edition!” Without really thinking, you grab the movie, and add it to the growing stack in your hand.

“Spellbound. A classic, but a good one. The amnesia-thing really drives the story home.” Just like before, the film finds Its way onto your little pile.

You’re about to turn away from the shelf when your eyes land on a movie a couple of rows down: Rebel Without a Cause. It’s one of your all-time favorites, even though it’s not a noir movie, and you pick it up as well.

Satisfied with your selection, you make your way back to the couch. After setting the movies down on the coffee table, you walk into the kitchen with the mission of gathering all of the snacks you could possibly need – and eat.

“Alright. Let the party begin!” you excitedly chime as you finally manage to sit down on the couch, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and your PJs. You had decided to change into them after you had fed the cats, who are now softly snoring away on the couch next to you.

The cozy room is illuminated by nothing but the blue light of the TV screen and the orange hue of the small fireplace, which you somehow managed to get started. Its gentle crackling sound fills the air and it soft light leaves a warm, golden glow on your skin.

After grabbing the remote control, you sink even further into the comfort of the couch, cuddling up between the two sleeping cats and some cushions.

The proof of your successful snack hunt is captured in a wild array of treats, which you have carefully arranged in small, colorful bowls on the coffee table, right next to your selected pile of DVD’s.

You had even compiled one extra bowl of candy for the neighborhood kids, in case any of them come knocking. Although you highly doubt that, since you’ve turned off every light in the house, leaving it completely dark in order to add to the spooky feeling while watching the movies.

Letting out a satisfied little sigh, you rearrange the blanket around your shoulders and start the first film.

Just an hour later, the Movie Phantom Killer comes to an end.

Somewhere in the middle of it, you’d gotten a text from Lara letting you know that she arrived in Boston a while ago but only recently managed to check into her hotel room.

She’d also asked you how you were doing, and you’d sent her some pictures of the sleeping cats and the fireplace, along with the list of movies you planned on watching.

Phantom Killer, however, turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. It wasn’t as spooky or as gripping as you would’ve liked, and the ending was certainly predictable, leaving you feeling a little bit underwhelmed.

“I guess we should just move on to the next one.” you say, flipping through the rest of your selected DVD’s. “Let’s continue with Ghosts on the Loose. If this one fails my expectations, too, I’ll just go with a trusted favorite, like Spellbound or Rebel Without a Cause.”

Getting the pile back in order you quickly organize them by their release date, with Rebel Without a Cause right on top.

“Any objections or counter-offers to my proposal?” you ask, turning to the two cats who are still lazily lounging on the couch, looking blankly up at you.

“I’ll take that as a no.” you conclude cheerfully, before setting up the next film.

🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃

You’re about ten minutes into the movie, with your hand buried in a bowl of popcorn, when you hear a weird scratching noise coming from the dining room behind you.

Muting the volume of the TV, you pause for a moment, anticipating another sound, but everything just stays dead quiet.

You’re about to blame it all on your vivid imagination when you suddenly hear it again. This time it’s louder - more desperate.

Without really thinking, you park the popcorn bowl back on the coffee table before standing up, your blanket still securely wrapped around you.

Your feet carefully carry you towards the wooden sliding door that separates the dining from the living room. Taking a deep breath, you slide it open just a bit at first.

You’re not sure what you initially expected, but you’re greeted with nothing but darkness until your eyes adjust, and the faint outline of the wooden dining table and its matching chairs come into view.

You’re almost ready to turn around again when you catch the quick moment of a figure outside the window, right by the backdoor.

The uneasiness you feel instantly evaporates once you realize that this must be Jake, who’s trying to get in.

I should probably help him with it, you think, moving towards the door and pulling it open.

“Hey Jake!” you greet the tall figure before you, shifting to the side so he can step in. “Come on in. Lara told me you would be coming by.”

The guy in front of you looks at you wide-eyed, completely caught off guard.

Weird, you think. I thought Lara told him about my stay.

You don’t dwell on that too much though, as Jake hesitantly enters the room.

“Careful where you step, it’s really dark – wait, let me quickly turn on some lights!“ you shut the door behind him before stumbling over your blanket on your way towards the light switch.

Thank God it’s still dark, you think to yourself, hoping that your new guest didn’t just bear witness to that.

Once you flipped the switch, the dining room is filled with a warm, yellow glow, and you finally get a better look of Jake.

Jesus Christ, you think. Lara wasn’t lying, he certainly went all out with his costume.

The man before you is dressed all black, and he’s nothing like you imagined.

He’s tall, with broad shoulders and messy, dark hair. And as if that’s not intimidating enough already, he’s also wearing what looks like military tactical gear.

Is he going as a soldier? A spy? Maybe a phantom killer? You don’t want to hurt his feelings by not recognizing who he’s dressed as, so you swallow your question.

You’ve heard that comic books are currently all the rage again, so maybe he’s dressed as one of those cartoonish heroes you know nothing about.

The outfit really is quite something though, you think. And is that a fake metal arm?

You thought the fake bruises and blood on his knuckles were already elaborate details, but this? It must have taken a lot of effort because it certainly looks real.

“Uhm, I like your outfit.” you compliment, trying to acknowledge the apparent complexity of his creation, but Jake just gives you a blank stare.

“Right, moving on.” you quietly mumble to yourself, turning towards the dining table and quickly grabbing the book that’s planted on top of it.

You turn back to Jake and gently trust it into his hands. Eying the fake bloody cuts on his fingers, you’re not sure if him holding it is actually a good idea, but he also didn’t bring anything else you could put it in.

Jake’s eyes just wander from the item in his hands back to you, and then back to the item again. He looks at it somewhat puzzled.

Does he not like it? You silently question. But that’s not really your problem, and by now you kind of want to get back to your film.

“Anyway! You’ll probably want to get to that Halloween party of yours, or whatever plans you have in that outfit.” you suggest, looking expectantly at Jake, but he’s just staring at you wide-eyed.

Shocked.

A confused frown appears between your brows as you try to figure out why he’s looking at you like that - when it hits you.

He’s not looking at you wide eyed.

He’s looking at the TV screen behind you, wide eyed.

Although that still doesn’t quite explain why he seems to be in such a shock about it.

“Have you seen that movie?” you ask. “It’s from 1943, I think.” you tentatively add, but Jake’s eyes are just thoroughly glued to the film that silently plays out in front of you.

Watching him quietly for a moment, you swear you see something like recognition flash before his eyes when Ava Gardner, the main actress of the movie, shows up on-screen.

You don’t know what it is about the movie that has him so consumed, but you can’t really blame him; Old noir movies usually conjure a similar fascination in you.

And so, you do the only thing you can think of: You offer him to stay so he can continue watching the movie that he’s so obviously encaptured by.

When you tell Jake about your offer, his wide-eyed gaze turns to you, and then a small miracle happens as he gives you the hint of a little nod.

That’s some progress right there, you think.

Lara definitely didn’t exaggerate when she said that Jake was a quiet and socially awkward guy, but you think you can work with that.

“Alright, I’ll rewind the movie, and you can get comfy on the couch,” you offer.

Jake hesitantly looks at you, and you give him a reassuring smile. “Of course, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” you try to clarify, but he’s already cautiously following behind you.

Luckily, the L-shaped couch is big enough that you can sit both next to each other, while still keeping a comfortable distance.

You quickly introduce him to the two cats, who don’t even bother looking up at the tall man as he carefully plants himself next to them.

He’s still holding the book that you gave him earlier tightly pressed to his chest, and something about that makes your heart ache, but you can’t really say why.

Before getting back to the movie, you offer Jake his own fluffy blanket, which he timidly takes.

At first, he just holds it tightly next to the book in his arm, but then, as your focus shifts from him to the screen in front of you, he tentatively unfolds the blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders - mirroring you.

While watching the film, you almost forget he is there. He’s that quiet.

You can’t help but glance in his direction every now and then, making sure he’s still there and didn’t dissolve into thin air while you weren’t looking. But every time you do, there he is, watching the movie and being completely captured by it.

As time moves on, you carefully plant the bowl of popcorn he’s been continuously eyeing into his lap, and when you hear the telltale soft munching sound coming from the man next to you, your heart fills with a small sense of joy.

But there’s still something off about him.

You didn’t really notice it earlier, or maybe you did, but you didn’t really pay much attention to it, but now you do.

You’re barely focused on the film. Instead, you’re reflecting on your previous interactions. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that he looked scared.

Not scared of you, ‘cause that’d be silly, but scared of something.

It’s weird and you’re probably wrong because he’s dressed in that bloody outfit, and has the statue of a bodybuilder, but there was something in his eyes earlier that made him seem like he was thoroughly lost.

You're overthinking this, the voice in your head tells you, while you’re nibbling on some pistachios. He’s just a shy and quiet guy. Sure, maybe he has some serious social anxiety issues, but who are you to judge?

You try to focus back on the movie when suddenly your phone next to you lights up. A message from Lara appears on the small screen, quickly followed by another one.

Hey, hope the current movie isn’t a dud.

The first message reads, followed by:

Jake just messaged me.

You furrow your brows in confusion. When did he manage do that? You think to yourself. How had you not noticed that? After all, you’re sitting right next to him.

A third message from Lara appears. And this one makes your heart drop and fill with nothing but dread.

He told me that he won’t be able to make it tonight. He’ll probably come by tomorrow instead. Hope that’s okay.

Despite your close proximity to the fireplace, an icy shiver runs down your spine as an awful assumption takes form in your head.

If that’s not Jake sitting right next to you on the couch, you think, then who is?

And just that very thought makes your blood run cold.

Next Chapter

---------------------------------------------

And that's it! Thank you so much for reading!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes

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loveyouforevergrace · 4 years ago

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My Friendship With Grace

Grace and I met in my eighth grade math class, though it was seventh grade for her. She was honestly way too smart to be in the class, but she was required to have a math class on her seventh grade schedule, so she got pulled into the advanced algebra class for eighth graders. She barely showed up most days because she went to a special group where she learned concepts and formulas that I won’t get around to until my senior year of college. On the days Grace did show up however, she pestered me a lot. Being pestered wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, I didn’t mind her too much. She had braces, I had braces; she was kind of a nerd, and I was kind of a nerd too--it worked out. I would desperately try to figure out the answers of my homework (I still don’t quite understand trigonometry), and Grace would take my phone and play games on it for the entire class. I was definitely fond of her, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. If someone had told me that the eleven year old girl clicking away at Tap Tap Fish on my iPhone SE would grow up to be my best friend, I would’ve told them they were crazy.

Grace and I have an incredible amount of overlap between our interests, which is coincidentally how we reconnected as I went into high school and she stayed in middle school. I was playing a god awful video game with my friends one summer afternoon, League of Legends, and somehow ended up on a team with Grace in it. She entered the call and I recognized her squeaky voice immediately, so we both got talking again pretty quickly. At the time, we bonded over our unfortunate addiction to video games, and our love for Panic! At the Disco, though I like to believe our interests have become a little more refined in recent years. These days we like to go shopping, or just talk about clothes nonstop. We watch anime together, and we’ve moved on from sucking at League of Legends to building dreamy treehouses in Minecraft. In my opinion, our music taste has definitely developed too. She’s fallen down the K-Pop rabbit hole, whereas I’m a bit more into R&B and hip-hop. Despite our differences, I can always trust Grace with the aux cord. Deep down, I don’t think either of us is entirely out of our pop punk phase either. We’ve definitely had some interesting moments in the kitchen as well, whether that’s making an actual meal, or messing around with those DIY cooking kits meant for children. We did once make an entire Thanksgiving dinner for our friend group, and it was pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Additionally, we’re lovers of all things cute (which is definitely reflected in our Thanksgiving pie), and whenever I’m visiting her, we go on frequent Daiso (a chain of dollar stores with objects imported from Japan) trips to stock up on stationary, matching keychains, and other silly trinkets we don’t really need.

That’s the one disadvantage to the friendship--I have to visit Grace, and I don’t mean a walk across the street, a twenty minute bike ride, or even an hour long drive. I mean a three hour plane ride. Right before my freshman year, Grace’s dad got a new job opportunity working in Seattle, Washington. Essentially, she was torn out of the Midwestern cornfields and dropped off at a new trendy school in a new trendy neighborhood on the west coast as soon as we had started getting close. However, this didn’t stop us from deepening our bond. We did a surprisingly good job at staying in touch, and for the past five years we’ve been able to text for hours a day and call several times a week. As much as we both wish we could meet up at a small cafe for weekly study sessions, it’s just not possible, but we improvise. I’ve spent many nights on the phone with Grace while we watch cheesy animes, eat cut up fruit, and work on our homework. We miss each other like crazy, and COVID hasn’t made that any easier, but the saying “Distance makes the heart grow fonder” couldn’t be any more true.

When Grace and I do get the chance to be together, we go all out. I don’t know any friends who hang out quite the way we do. I don’t know anyone besides Grace who I’d be comfortable sharing a bath with while we wait for our lasagna to finish cooking in the oven. None of my other friends will have a candlelit dinner with me while listening to the Minecraft soundtrack, nor will they wake up at six in the morning to eat strawberries with me while we watch the sunrise. We once found out we were gonna be in the same airport at the same time, and decided to eat breakfast together before we had to part ways. We spend hours walking around the Mall of America since none of the malls in Washington even come close to comparing. One time we went to the art museum and pointed out any sculptures and paintings with two people in them that reminded us of ourselves.

That brings me to another point - Grace and I are insane at gift giving. With her sheer artistic talent, and my uncontrollable spending habits, we really do each other justice. Those sculptures that I mentioned Grace and I compared ourselves to? She made me a mini version of them for Christmas. No one else has ever taken the time to do something like that for me. This goes both ways. I know no one has ever gifted Grace an enormous package filled with nothing but merchandise from her favorite Sanrio character, Keroppi, or gifted her an entire outfit (complete with accessories) on her birthday. Even the letters she writes to me feel like tiny presents, they’re always handwritten and covered in adorable little stickers. She seals the envelopes with a wax stamp and everything. No one has ever done something so romantic for me before, not even my last boyfriend who I dated for two years.

I can tell Grace literally anything, and she can tell me anything too. I’ve found that in most relationships, there’s always certain things you can’t say to the other person. I’m bound to clash with almost everyone in my life at one point or another, and I can’t vent about someone’s BS to their own face. Even though things do get talked out with them eventually, it’s often after I have a lot of reflection and planning on how I want to discuss things. Grace is the exception to that--I can tell her anything. We almost never fight or get upset with each other. In fact, the only time we’ve ever had friend problems was when a girl at Grace’s school wasn’t too fond of me dating her ex-boyfriend, and she tried to mess with our friendship as a result. As you can probably guess, we got it figured out pretty quickly.

The bond Grace and I share is definitely not a common one to find. I’ve had friends tell me how badly they wish they had a friendship like Grace and I have, and honestly, I don’t blame them. I love every single one of my friends so much, but there’s such a great connection Grace and I have through our enjoyment of general dumbassery, but also our appreciation for things that are romantic and adorable. She’s the homemade whipped cream to my strawberry pie, the Dancing Figure #1 to my Dancing Figure #2. I want Grace to be in my life for a very long time, and I don’t doubt that’ll happen. I can’t wait for us to fall victim to the 50% divorce rate when we’re in our forties, and realize that “she was the one” all along. And I’m only half kidding.

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elopez7228 · 5 years ago

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Scenic Route 10/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

Rey woke up cold and aching. It hurt everywhere—her neck, her back, her feet. The back of the car was certainly large enough to sleep in, but it had been an unrestful sleep. Every little thing had made her jump last night. Every headlight that zoomed by was the blonde woman. Every torchlight flitting across the alleys of the campground was looking for her. Every time the dog barked, someone was surely approaching.

She was tired, sore, and already contemplating defeat. She had left London to escape depression. But instead of a sunglasses-and-cocktails vacation, she had found herself in the heart of the Rocky Mountains, 7,500 kilometers away from home. And top it off, she was being chased by a strange woman. Her luck was six feet under and her paranoia through the roof.

She wished that Leia Skywalker (and even Rose to a certain extent) had warned her about what she was getting herself into because she had no clue what to do now. Last night she had seriously imagined leaving the car in a garage somewhere and taking a flight from Jackson Hole to San Francisco. Ciao, stalkers and bizarre favors.

But what about BB8? Rey had taken responsibility of her. Taking her on a flight would require veterinary clearance, a doggie carrier, and all sorts of other complications that she had neither the energy nor the means for.

Her gut feeling told her that this setup had been deliberate on Leia’s part. With a dog in tow, her safest bet was by driving that car back. Unless she could abandon the dog in the woods somewhere...

BB8 chose that exact moment to nuzzle against her, begging for affection.

“You were in the loop about this, weren’t you?” sighed Rey as she scratched the dog between the ears. “You’re the dog equivalent of a honey trap, you conniving little traitor.”

But seriously—it was just a dog, not a KGB spy. She would be fine...

Rey got out of the car and stretched. “Come on, let’s go for a walk and then look for some breakfast.”

She dug out the box of cookies she bought last night and ate one, occasionally giving bits and pieces to BB8 after making sure they were chocolate-free. She let BB roam free this time, sensing that she wouldn’t try to escape from now on.

Tent folded and loaded into the car, Rey packed the rest of her things. BB8 chased an errant squirrel, helped herself to some treats, and took care of business. Rey watched the dog play in the tall grass as she continued checking her phone for messages. A while ago she had even left a voice message to Ben.

Rey here, British and susceptible. Sorry for my reaction the other day, my life is complicated. I saw your band was passing through Jackson Hole on the 5th of July. I’m in the neighborhood, I might come around. Bye.

That message would likely cost her dearly. How was she going to justify contacting Ben again after the scene she had caused at the Four Seasons? To be honest with herself, she hadn’t seen an alternative last night, sitting there on the cold ground. Her family and friends were thousands of kilometers away. Leia Skywalker had disappeared on her.

Whether she liked it or not, Ben Solo was the only person she had maintained contact with since landing, and the only person who had really done her any good without expecting anything in return. She hoped she wasn’t bothering him.

To be fair he had also called her ex and meddled in her personal life when he barely knew her, but due to the circumstances she tried her best to forgive him for that. She had wanted to turn the page on that particular incident and banish Ben Solo from her thoughts forever—before that mysterious blonde woman showed up.

Since then Rey had fretted about traveling alone, with no one to turn to in times of trouble. It’s not like she needed a protector. She just needed a friend, if only for the comfort of knowing that she wasn’t alone. That several hundred kilometers down the road, there would be someone on the other end of the line if she ran into a problem. But it was 7 AM and he hadn’t answered.

In his defense, Rey had texted him around midnight. Maybe he just hadn’t seen it yet.

“All aboard, BB8!”

The dog jumped into the back seat and started chewing methodically on her rubber duckie. The resulting (absurdly loud) squeaking noises made Rey smile.

Hitting the road again, Rey regretted not taking a bathroom break or a shower, or using the washing machines available at the entrance of the campsite. She reeked of dog, sweat, and old car. Strangely enough, it made her laugh. The woman Finn had known had always been a belle, sporting manicured nails and designer perfume. If only he could see her now—he would hardly recognize her.

Come to think of it, thinking about Finn no longer made her balk. Was she simply too tried to be angry? She was just starting down a particularly sharp turn when her phone vibrated. It took every ounce of her willpower not to stop in the middle of the highway to read that text. The Millenium Falcon reached Jackson Hole a few minutes later, and she parked in central town before scrambling for her phone.

Hello, Brit. I see you’ve found my number, Rey. I’m settling in at Jackson H this morning. I’m staying at the Lodge, 80 Scott Lane. I’m free should you want to get coffee sometime—let me know.

It was barely a kilometer away, she could practically walk there. But once again she thought about the blonde trying to break into her car. She would feel much safer parking in the security of a private hotel garage. It only took a few minutes to find the place, a magnificent Swiss chalet complete with exposed beams and stonework. She spotted the infamous black pickup in the parking area and stationed the Millennium Falcon right next to it.

Hello Ben, I found the Lodge. Still up for coffee?

His response was immediate:

You��ll find me in the lobby.

Leia rolled her eyes when another TSA agent approached her as she waited near the baggage claim at Sacramento International Airport. She had been expecting it, but the sheer number of public servants under the First Order’s thumb still managed to surprised her. From the minute she had left the house she had been coincidentally stopped at every traffic checkpoint possible. It was chilling to realize that this sprawling private organization was in some ways above the law.

She had thought about giving up more than once.

What could she do at this age, with only her brother and a handful of rebels behind her? They were up against a massive corporate empire that had the feds in their pocket. But Leia Skywalker had fought her entire life. For the military, for her honor, for the love of her husband, for her son’s education, for minorities’ rights, and for the weary and downtrodden underdogs. Therein lied her definition of the brave: those who defended the defenseless. She could never stop doing that. Leia knew that nothing short of her death would result in her silence.

Leia let the man search her without protest—like every other officer before him. She was wearing a long charcoal dress and heavy ornate bangles of both wrists. Her hair was pinned up in an elaborate braided chignon that added to her height. In her left hand, she carried a cane. It was less for walking and more for leaning on after spending long hours on her feet.

Like every other time, they let her go. He gave her suitcase back after failing to find anything suspicious—the lining was starting to wear. The object they were so eagerly looking for was no longer in her possession. She smiled knowingly. Knowing that thousands of miles away, an English tourist was on her way.

Leia was greeted by a friendly face as she crossed the line into Arrivals. Her lawyer, Amilyn Holdo. Amilyn was a sixty-something daredevil, her greying hair dyed a striking violet. She was wearing a knee-length taupe skirt suit and violet pumps. Her smile was all dimples. She greeted Leai warmly and grabbed her suitcase.

“How are you, Leia? It sure took you a while—did they hold you up?”

“Like always, Amilyn. My health isn’t what it used to be and they wouldn’t let me go through the baggage claim. Every damn time. I’m forced to just ignore it these days. How’s the mission going?”

“We’ll discuss it in my office, you never know who’s listening. The meeting with Governor Valorum’s staff is in three hours, that gives us some time to plan.” Guiding Leia by the hand, she made her way to the taxi pickup zone.

The law offices of Amilyn Holdo were rather modest. Far from the ornate, high-vaulted, glass and steel monoliths that symbolized the American legal system in popular imagination. A room with a single window and wall to wall bookshelves laden with books and dossiers. Box after box of case files on every available surface, overflowing with papers, binders, envelopes, and notebooks with handwritten memos scrawled on every last page.

Amilyn moved a box stacked on a chair to make space for Leia to sit down. She poured a glass of water for her guest, and rummaged through a small cabinet. She handed Leia a hefty violet dossier held closed by a single strap. “FORCE America: First Order Resource and Capital Extraction”.

All traces of humor gone, the lawyer leaned forward and folded her fingers below her chin. “Tell me everything. Last I heard, you had found someone new?”

“Yes. Rose discovered the perfect candidate. It’s not like we could do it ourselves. We couldn’t use email or the postal service. And we would be spotted from a mile away if we did it in-person. I had to delegate.”

“But who is this girl? How do you know she’s not some FORCE spy?”

“Rose and Paige did a background check, it only took a few hours to clear her. We’re quite certain she’s just a broke tourist. It’s perfect really, FORCE was expecting an activist type, and there’s no way they can stop every single tourist from Colorado to California.”

Amilyn pursed her lips, visibly still unconvinced. “But you gave her the Falcon. Surely it will attract unwanted attention?”

Leia smiled. “They can take the Falcon apart piece by piece is they want, they won’t find a thing.”

“I wish I was confident about this,” she sighed. “This whole operation hinges on the element of surprise. If FORCE finds those documents before the public, we’re back to square one. And this time we won’t get a head start.”

She was interrupted when Leia placed a hand on hers, a comforting gesture. “Hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you see it, you’ll never make it through the night. Amilyn, this is the culmination of years of hard work. Have a little faith, they won’t win this time.”

“I hope you’re right, if we fail we won’t be able to recover and—“

“Trust me, Amilyn. This girl is very capable.”

The lawyer smiled begrudgingly, not quite uplifted by her client’s optimism. She chewed on the inside of her cheek in silence, avoiding Leia’s eyes.

“What’s eating you, Amy?”

“It’s—Kylo Ren.”

Leia’s smile faltered. Her face fell as she took a sip of water. “What about him?”

“You know he’s been tracking the Tico sisters. Ironically, that means they can keep tabs on him too...but it seems he left town a few days ago. Almost exactly the same time as the girls, Connix, Milham and the others.”

“FORCE already knew we were on the move. We planned for that. The more we scatter our agents, the more resources they spend chasing diversions instead of cracking our strategy,” Leia responded, trying to keep her voice neutral.

“Yes, I know. But Kylo has Snoke’s ear, and Hux’s attention. He knows the inner workings of our organization, he knows you and your brother. And he’s deeply involved with the Order. Are you sure he won’t see this coming?”

Leia’s shoulders sagged, as if burdened by the weight of her grief. She took a deep breath, pausing to find the right words. “Kylo is a brilliant boy. He was swayed by material wealth and prestige. He’ll understand one day. I don’t think he would dare to come after me himself.”

“And you?” Amilyn asked, “If we win, they’ll lose everything. Are you willing to put your own son in prison?”

#reylo #fanfiction #modern AU #scenic route

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oh-ranpo · 6 years ago

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more than a pretty face. (6)

Pairing: Ben Hardy x OC AN: Will they end up together? Hmm. I’m so glad you guys have really liked the last two chapters! There isn’t much of this story left, but it has been so fun writing it. Tags list is still open for the last few parts. Let me know what you think! Warnings: Mild language and suggestive material.

The looks Charlie received from Joe on the flight home were almost unbearable. The group had decided to leave the restaurant before her and Ben had returned from the bathroom, and she knew that they were well aware of what had gone down. It was an unfortunate coincidence that her seat was located smack dab in the middle of both Ben and Joe, and she spent eight hours wishing that she could launch herself out the window.

There was a point in the flight when Ben got up to use the bathroom, and Joe leaned over the armrest as soon as he was gone.

“Aren’t you going to join him?” he asked teasingly. Charlie’s hand shot up and slapped his arm as he yelped. She continued looking through the magazine that she had in front of her, not giving him any more acknowledgement than that simple motion. “Seriously, though, what’s going on with you guys?”

Charlie sighed, and flipped the magazine closed. She looked over her shoulder to make sure that Ben wasn’t coming and then turned back to the man sitting next to her.

“Nothing’s going on. We may not be compatible as friends, but we’re compatible in… other ways.” Charlie felt a blush rise in her cheeks at her own words. Joe’s brown eyes grew wide for a second and then he started laughing.

“I can’t believe it. You know you’re eventually going to fall for each other, right? Haven’t you seen a romantic comedy before?”

Charlie rolled her eyes and stared down the back of the seat in front of her. There was no way that her and Ben could ever be anything more than what they were right now.

“I think you’ve been watching too many romantic comedies in general, Joe. Things in real life don’t just work like that,” Charlie replied, just as Ben slid back into the seat next to her. Joe gave her one last look before turning back to the in-flight movie that he was watching. Ben didn’t say anything to her, but his presence felt much more intrusive now than it did before.

x.x.x

Charlie was beyond grateful when she stepped foot on solid land again. She rushed through the airport as quickly as she could, desperately wanting to get back home to her own bed so that she could get some rest. The flight had been taxing on her energy and nerves after everything that had happened the previous 24 hours, and she needed a break from it all.

“Are you going home?” Joe asked, as he walked up next to her outside the Arrival gate. A yawn slipped through her lips as she nodded. She glanced down at her phone and saw that it was already 10:30pm.

“I’m exhausted,” she replied, resting her head on his shoulder as they waited for a cab.

“I’m sure you are,” he teased, and Charlie stood up straight again, shooting him a playful glare. “But it’s only 10:30. Ben and Gwilym are flying back to London tomorrow. I thought we could all hang out before they leave.”

A pit formed in Charlie’s stomach at the reminder that Ben didn’t actually live in New York, and now that him and Sophia were no longer together, he would have to go back to England. She thought about taking him up on the offer, but she really was barely standing from how tired she was, and it wasn’t like Ben cared if she was there anyways.

“I can come by in the morning for breakfast or something, but right now, I just want my bed.”

Joe nodded, but she could tell that he was disappointed. She knew that he did have some kind of strange hope that her and Ben would end up together, but that just wasn’t how things were with them. The relationship that they had was strictly physical and nothing more.

An empty cab pulled up in front of them, and since she was heading to a different place than Joe was, she bid him goodbye and climbed in alone. She gave the driver her address, and watched as the rest of the group joined Joe at the curb and watched her drive away. She felt a small tinge of loneliness when she arrived home and walked in alone. She had spent so much time around everyone else the last few days, it seemed a little strange to be by herself again.

She pushed her suitcase into the corner of her room, promising herself that she would unpack it later, and then slipped into a pair of pajamas. She made her way into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and when she glanced down at the sink to rinse, a memory from earlier that day with Ben in the bathroom flashed through her mind.

She shouldn’t have allowed herself to think about it. A wave of longing spread through her as she reminisced on how good the short amount of time they had spent together was. It was the only time they weren’t arguing, and they just worked so damn well together. Charlie shook her head roughly, as if it would cause the thoughts to fall right out of her mind. It didn’t work.

She slowly crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin as she focused on the ceiling above her. He did not have the right to make her feel like this. It was just sex. Charlie closed her eyes tightly and willed the exhaustion she had been feeling before to take over. She didn’t want to think about Ben anymore, but even when her eyes were closed, she could only think about the night before followed by thoughts of earlier that morning.

After about five minutes, she sighed heavily and rolled over onto her side. Her eyes popped open and she saw that it was a little after 11:00pm. She knew that it took longer to get to Joe’s apartment from the airport so they were probably all just arriving.

You are not going there tonight, she scolded herself as the thought crossed through her mind. She reached out to grab her phone from where she had set it on her bedside table in an attempt to distract herself. She was surprised to already see a text from Joe, encouraging to come over if she changed her mind. He had also attached a picture of her favorite bottle of wine in an attempt to sway her. She didn’t believe in signs. However, the fact that he had texted her right now, when she was having such an internal battle with herself, couldn’t have been more coincidental.

It would only take about 15 minutes to walk to his apartment, and she really didn’t feel that tired anymore. Cursing under her breath, Charlie pulled herself back out of her bed and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoody. She didn’t care about looking good, she knew that the rest of the group would be dressed down after their long trip as well. The entire walk, she only allowed herself to think about the bottle of wine that was waiting for her once she got to Joe’s place.

As she walked down the hallway to Joe’s apartment, she could hear the music and the people talking before she even reached the door. She couldn’t quite comprehend how they all still had so much energy, but she didn’t think too much about it as she slowly pushed the door open. It sounded like there were a lot more people than there actually were, and Charlie couldn’t help but laugh when she saw that the karaoke machine Joe had bought a few years ago was already set up in a corner of his living room.

“CHARLIE!” A voice boomed, and Charlie turned to see Gwilym grinning at her from his seat on Joe’s couch. Rami leaned forward and peeked around him, a wide smile also on his face.

“I didn’t think you were going to be joining us,” Rami commented as you made your way over to them. They had beers in their hand, and Charlie couldn’t help but wonder if they had taken any shots by how tipsy they already looked.

“What can I say, Joe was tempting me with that delicious bottle of wine he sent me a picture of. Where is he, by the way?”

As soon as Charlie asked the question, both Rami and Gwilym’s expressions changed. They looked a little nervous and Charlie’s stomach dropped.

“What’s wrong?” she asked apprehensively.

“Nothing’s wrong. He’s… he’s in the kitchen. With Ben,” Rami replied, and Charlie gave him a questioning look. It wasn’t like it was a surprise that Joe and Ben were together. So why did they look so strange?

“Yeah, Ben… and Sophia.”

The sound of her name made Charlie’s blood run cold. Sophia? What the hell was Sophia doing there?

“Oh,” Charlie squeaked. She was sure that she had gone pale, and as much as she didn’t like it, her stomach dropped and she felt sick.

“She just showed up here. He didn’t invite her. I don’t really know what’s going on,” Gwilym added, trying to make her feel better.

“It doesn’t matter. They can do whatever they want,” Charlie replied, regaining her composure as much as she could. Before either Rami or Gwilym could say anything more, Charlie turned and headed towards the kitchen. If nothing else, she really just wanted her bottle of wine that Joe had promised her.

When she stepped into the kitchen, she saw that Joe was alone, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Charlie! I see my text convinced you to come after all,” he smiled, already moving towards the fridge to grab the wine for her.

“You know the way to my heart,” she replied, gratefully accepting the bottle as she moved to grab a wine glass out of his cabinet. She knew Joe’s kitchen like the back of her hand, having spent many days here hanging out with him and Rami. “So, I heard that Ben’s ex showed up.”

Charlie couldn’t even get herself to say her name. She couldn’t figure out why the thought made her so nauseous, but even now she felt a heavy feeling settle over her at the lack of Ben’s presence. Joe’s face formed an expression similar to the one Rami and Gwilym had worn as his hands stilled from pouring his drink.

“Yeah, her and Ben are in the back talking. Believe me, he wasn’t happy to see her.”

He didn’t owe her an explanation, so she only shrugged as she poured the light liquid into her glass. Joe noticed how she filled it more than she usually did, but he didn’t say anything.

“I just hope they aren’t screwing on the guest bed, ‘cause I was planning on crashing in it tonight.”

Charlie raised the glass to her lips, and just as she was about to turn and head towards the living room, there was a loud crash and Joe and Charlie could hear Ben yelling. A few seconds later, a very upset looking Sophia stormed through the kitchen and out the door. Charlie and Joe exchanged glances, as they both moved towards the hallway to check and see what had happened.

The pair slowly entered the guest bedroom and saw Ben sitting on the end of it, his head in his hands. There was a small lamp broken on the floor next to him, and he looked up when he heard them enter the room.

“Sorry about the lamp, mate. I’ll replace it,” he mumbled, running his hands through his hair distractedly.

“It’s alright, man. Everything okay?” Joe asked quietly, as Charlie watched from the doorway. She took another heady drink of her wine as Joe moved to take a seat next to his friend.

“I just wish she would leave me the hell alone. She came here trying to get back with me, and then accused me of cheating on her! Can you believe it?”

Joe patted Ben on the shoulder, and then his head turned towards Charlie.

“So, I’m guessing no reconciliation in your future, then?” Charlie asked, causing Ben’s head to turn to her as well.

“I would never get back together with her. Not after what she did,” he scoffed, his green eyes meeting hers. Even though there was anger in his eyes, Charlie could see that he was really vulnerable at that moment. More vulnerable than she had seen him since the night the two of them walked in on Sophia and the other man.

“Why don’t you come back into the living room with us, and we’ll get you a drink? Maybe some karaoke will make you feel better,” Joe suggested, earning a small laugh from the blond next to him. It was short-lived, however, and Ben’s face fell again.

“I think I need a minute. Need to gather my thoughts,” he murmured, his head falling back into his hands. Joe nodded and gave him one last small pat on the shoulder. Joe stood up from his place on the bed, and made his way towards the door. Charlie had turned to follow him out when Ben’s voice caught her attention again.

“Charlie? Would you… would you stay?”

Joe didn’t hear the question so he kept walking. However, it stunned Charlie, and she glanced over her shoulder to make sure that she had heard him correctly or if the wine was already going to her head. Ben was looking at her again, and the sadness on his face made her hesitate. He had never sought comfort from her before. She wasn’t even that good at providing comfort, anyone could have asked Joe or Rami that. Besides their drunken (and hangover-induced) escapades in California, Charlie had believed that nothing had changed.

She felt her heart in her throat as she stepped back out of the doorway and closed the door, sealing herself and Ben alone inside. She set her half-full glass on the dresser near the door and slowly made her way over to the front of the bed where he was still watching her. Once she was standing in front of him, his hands reached out to gently grip her hips, pulling her into his lap.

“This doesn’t mean anything, right?” she whispered as her lips hovered mere centimeters over his. She shivered as she felt his fingertips slip under the hem of her hoody, and his breath ghosted across her face.

“Absolutely nothing,” he reiterated, closing the distance between them. Unlike the last two times, Ben was much gentler. Charlie knew that the purpose of this was to distract him from what had gone down with Sophia, but even so, she welcomed the feeling of being with him again before he left to return back home.

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Tags: @harryskillerqueen @violetpond @lovethis-lovethat @allie-of-asgard @alexfayer @sigrid-stans-rogerina @rogers-rhapsody @nataliekilla @a-time-for-legends @holyurlbatman @destroyademons

#ben hardy #ben hardy x oc #ben hardy fic #ben hardy story #ben hardy angst #bohemian rhapsody #story #fanfic #angst #love #more than a pretty face story #ben jones

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para-keat · 6 years ago

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Okay everyone, sit down and grab a snack, cause I’m about to tell you all about my trip to Melbourne and the @markiplier You’re Welcome Tour, complete with shitty photos!!! (In 2 parts cause I could’t fit all the photo’s into one post)

So, I woke up Monday morning, at 5am. The first awake. So I got changed, snuck upstairs and waited. Eventually everyone else got up and my mum made us some pancakes for breakfast, then we were off!

One 40 minute drive later we made it to the airport. My sister (who was coming up with me to see it even though she knows nothing about Mark, bless her) and I got out, said goodbye to mum, and headed in. It turns out that my friend who was also going to the show was catching the same plane as me, so we greeted each other with lots of hugs before the planes arrival. She was further up the middle of the plane while I was up the front. Finally, at 8am, we were in the air off to Melbourne.

To say the least I was excited cause A. I was in the same city as Mark and the gang AHHHHH and B. This was my first time ever visiting Melbourne, so it was pretty exciting for me.

Anyway, we hopped onto a bus into the city, and coincidentally ended up getting on the same bus as my friend, so I sat with her and her friend that she brought along and we just talked a lot of the bus ride.

After getting off the bus, saying goodbye to my friend and getting a tiny bit lost we found our hotel, and put our bags away. By this time it was getting close to lunch time so we went for a walk in search of lunch. We found this little restaurant near the water and ate burgers.

Then we headed to the aquarium (now kinda wishing we did it Tuesday morning cause Mark and the gang went there that morning and I could’ve maybe met them -_-) and I gushed over the penguins because PENGUINS!!!

LOOK HOW FLUFFY THAT LAST ONE IS AHHHHHH!!!!!-

So after the aquarium we walked back up to the hotel and just relaxed for a bit since both our feet were dead (it was probably a 20 minute walk to where we ate, and then we were standing in the aquarium for over an hour, and then it was another 20 minute walk to the hotel).

At about 4:30 we started to get ready for the show, this was my outfit in case anyone saw me:

So then we tried to find some dinner. We wanted sushi but the two nearest us were full, so we found this little Chinese place which was really nice (I forgot to take photos cause I was stressing about time). Then we decided to get a taxi to the venue cause we were sick of walking.

We got there just after 7 and I went straight for the merch line which was loooooooong!

My sister had offered to stay in the line while I socialised for an hour but I declined cause I felt bad just leaving her there, since she knew no one. I honestly kind of regret that now cause I really did want to go and talk to people, but I guess there nothing I can do about it now.

Two minutes before the show started we were still in the line, so I begrudgingly went into the room while my sister stayed in line to get me some merch (honestly bless my sister she’s the best).

(1/2)

#markiplier #melbourne #you’re welcome #you’re welcomd tour #ywt

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l0chn3ss · 7 years ago

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Just For A Minute

A MaStar fic for the masses! I listened to these two songs as I was writing this, one that I found before, and one that I found towards the end that I thought were great :D i stole rose’s and ash’s eyes for this one

@se-rarepair-day this one goes out to the homies

She already knew that they wouldn't last.

Maka was by no means intuitive, but there were signs within their relationship that called out to even the most dense person. Like for starters, the most obvious, Black Star told her straight up, from the get go, that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship. He was in town for the summer, wanting a bit of thrill just before he went back from whence he came.

"It's all for fun, alright?"

And she agreed to that without question, because that's what she'd already decided herself. Afraid of commitment, afraid that whoever she'd love would just leave her anyways- perhaps it was better like this. So why not go out with the boy she knew will disappear in the end, save her a little heartbreak by knowing just how it would all play out?

As a visitor, Black Star hadn't seen most of the area. He talked about the clear waves that crashed in the evening, of the lovely sounds that a resident had been trained to call an annoyance. He pointed to a page in a guide book that he snagged from the airport, tapping animatedly of the so called bike trails that lead to the bluffs and of the sites that he was sure Maka had passed before. As silly as it is, watching him was like watching a puppy who found magic in the most mundane things; she found it endearing for a beat before shoving the book into his face, teasing his childlike excitement.

They started off slow as any couple did in the beginning.

Hugging after a day was the first step, then holding hands during a date was the second. Maka was careful to not move too quickly, functioning on a timely schedule that she believed would give them the most out of their relationship. She let him wrap his arm around her waist by the third date, then kiss her cheek by the fourth. And on the fifth? They were making out against a tree that Maka swore no one ever passed, yelping loudly when a gang of teenagers showed up ringing the bells on their bikes and whooping to the evening sky.

Embarrassment wasn't her strongest suit; Maka hid her face into Black Star's chest until he drew her out with laughter and kisses to her forehead. "Babe," he said. "Didn't know you had a thing for that shit." They continued as if there was no chance that they would be caught again.

Soon later, he'd convinced her first to show him around her favorite places, let her take him to the scenes that she'd shown others before him. They took walks down the shore, combing for the shells that Black Star wanted to send to his aunt who lived no where next to the ocean. Though the ones that they found weren't too big, he took them anyway, wading into the sea until he was ankle deep and washing them in the waters. While he was there, he stuck a hand into the bottom and collected a fist full of muddy sand, grinning happily when it turned into goo in the air and trickled down his wrist.

Maka turned her nose, telling him that there was no chance that she'd hold that dirty hand on the way back. And yet she did, swinging it back and forth with a sand dollar in her other palm.

Coming home late from the long day, crusted salts under her nails, Spirit asked her what kept her for so long. She replied smoothly that it was just a friend. Showing him around was eating up most of her attention, but she promised her papa that everything was alright, that he was leaving for the mainland in another few months. Unconvinced, Spirit warned her not to lose track of time, but she assured him again that she wouldn't lose a second to this boy.

In her room, she thought to herself though…

Even if it wasn't for keeps, can I keep you just for a second?

She was enjoying their outings, playing along with their improv kisses, tilting her head where he wanted her to. His touches were clearly well practiced, effective. Of all her short term relationships, Black Star's came most effortlessly to her. And despite not knowing each other beforehand, they behaved like they had. So he was a little different; there was still nothing to worry about. She just wanted to know the boy she was dating.

That next morning, if she could even call it that, she woke up to the sound of tapping on her window. Jerking up from a less than pleasant dream, Maka walked to her curtains, drawing them aside and ready to scare of any sea gulls that seemed to be pecking the glass. They should have been asleep during that time, she thought groggily, believing that anyone who was awake before the sun was committing a crime.

But face to face was Black Star rather than an avian army. He leaned against the frame, tall figure barely fitting and taking up more space than she expected. Voice muffled, he coaxed her closer, asking her to work the latch, pulling her outside once she had. With a knee on her window sill and her hand in his, she hastily asked him where and why? It was still dark and she wasn't dressed properly at all.

He didn't answer her, grinning widely and hoisting her up onto his back as to not get her clean soles dirty. From there, Black Star went along the trail behind her house, careful not to jostle her too roughly, still evading her questions. Instead he laughed, "Babe, don't you trust me?"

Resigning herself where she was, Maka buried herself where his neck met his shoulders, choosing to get just a couple more minutes of sleep rather than waste her breath. His warmth, his smell, was comforting to her, she discovered. There was no need for a blanket when she had him holding onto her against the early mist.

Waking up again the second time was much nicer than the first. He'd only needed to turn his head and kiss her forehead to stir her back to life, letting her register where he'd taken her at her own pace after wiping her drool on his shirt. They were back at the beach on top of a sand dune that held itself up with plenty of beachgrass. The sky was several tints lighter, glowing faintly since the last time her eyes were open. And she knew why he'd taken her out then. Placing her onto his lap, more than careful of her indoor pajamas, he nodded his chin to the horizon.

They didn't need to wait for very long, maybe just for a minute before the sun peeked behind the waves, turning the sky a gentle shade of orange that merged into a blue gradient. Maka must have seen that view thousands of times as a child, sneaking out of her window alone to see the sunrise before crawling back into her bed, only to be caught with dirty feet by her father at breakfast. She supposed that she didn't have to worry about that this time around, tucking her legs closer to Black Star and feeding off his heat. And when she looked up to him, she saw that he was already watching her.

With the sun inching higher, it casted a growing field of light across the beachfront. The rays gently touched his tanned face and the same ones turned the inner ring of his bright green irises a golden yellow. Burning under his gaze, she felt her cheeks heating up, suddenly feeling like time should've stopped then.

Leaning back on his arms, he had a smile softer than she'd ever seen on him. "Told you. Have some faith in me, ya?"

He used his chest to nudge her shoulders towards the ocean, but the scene failed to impress, as she knew what he looked like behind her. Luckily for her, sunrises weren't something that the world fell short of. She defied his notion and reached for his lips in the hopes that their kiss might slow time, make their moment last just a little longer.

Putting her head back onto the pillow was hard to do later that morning. Maka hadn't revisited a place with Black Star since he'd come to the island, and with that early trip, she felt just a smidge slighted by herself. How dare she let him claim something that belonged to her, to show her something that she'd already experienced long before. And even worse, how dare she be unable to wipe that smugness off his face, bodies touching, and let herself be drawn to it even deeper.

Out of pure pettiness, she decided to plan the next trip. But she found that the beach quickly became their date spot of choice, especially the cove just beyond the popular area. Where the waters grew calm, where the sand was finer and even the seagulls abandoned, Maka and Black Star made that place theirs. Along the shore were small rocks that were smoothed by erosion, dusty and imperfect in form. But with five or six in her palm, Maka grew accustomed to the feeling, preferring its fuzzy-like texture and crumbling layer.

Black Star placed the seventh one on top of the rest, cackling when they all tumbled away except one in the coincidental shape of a heart that fit snuggly in the center of her hand. The indent was rough, slightly discolored within the crack. She examined it for a moment before pelting it at Star, hitting his back and laughing as he chased her down, foregoing the rest of the collection that dropped back onto the sand. Though before they left for dinner, he managed to find that very one that Maka threw and pocketed it.

She figured that he saw beauty in those stones, as if there was something in them that wasn't there before. And how could there be- they've been in the same place since the morning tide. Was there something that she could learn from him? She hoped that it weren't true, especially since she couldn't stand to make the boy any more memorable than he already was.

But as he tugged her along, stopping every so often to point out something that he found interesting, unable to stop talking about the wild flowers that sprang in the middle of the road, she grew more confused. He told her that they weren't just weeds. They were resilient, and that someday he hoped to be like them too. He liked how untampered the island was, how they worked with the wind and shared the land with the people who lived there. And he would go on and on down that train of thought. Oversharing was a nasty habit of his, and Maka was more than happy to let him talk to fill the space.

Still, there were words begging to be said to him.

Teach her to see beauty in the very things that she'd seen too often. Remind her what it meant to be a wanderer, an explorer of the earth. And show her how to fall in love again, even though she really shouldn't, especially after all this time.

If nothing is for keeps, can I keep you just for a minute?

They were stretched across the top of a sand dune within a couple of nights. Maka nibbled on glasswort that she'd found on the way there while Star was playing in the grasses surrounding them, refusing her offer to try her evening snack. According to him, just because some things were edible, it didn't mean that they should eat them. And she laughed at that, discreetly spitting out bits of the plant that she didn't feel like swallowing. The late summer glasswort was much more tasty to her, but she was unwilling to wait those couple of weeks until they were ready.

Calling her attention away from the red sunset, he reached for her hand and presented a woven ring made of beachgrass. It was jagged in some parts; the smooth reeds didn't help hide Star's poor craftsmanship. However, it was made carefully enough to hold its shape, thick enough to be noticeable from afar. And it's a sweet gesture that made her hold her breath. She blushed as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. As if he had the intent to get married at all.

But she let him slip the ring onto her finger, daring to let the moment tug at her heart.

He chuckled lowly, almost sadly, "Would've been cute if it were real."

And suddenly the moment tugged in a different way, away from any direction that could have possibly been entertained. She examined it quietly, holding back whatever comment she had, choosing instead to tease him on something easy, like how she should have tricked him with a stem of glasswort.

His laugh sounded best when it was unrestrained, she decided.

Dusting themselves off once the sun had disappeared, they made their way to Maka's home, making time pass slowly by engaging in a competition to find the first star to shine that night. Truth be told, she wasn't looking too hard. Living there for as long as she had, Maka already knew which constellations would appear, what places would give her the best view. Admitting it to others was hard to do, though. Because how could she tell that boy that he shone brightest no matter the time of day?

She just didn't, choosing to lose gracefully as he smiled triumphantly, pointing at the wrong cluster of stars.

After Maka was dropped off in her backyard, she chose to remain there for a while longer. Searching the sky for the answer to her problems, twisting the ring on her finger, she wondered about how much longer she could keep up that ruse. It was true to her, as certain as the stars, that there were things that were made to only last for a while, not staying longer than they have to. Those summer stars could stand to give her another lesson in loss. And she wondered how far she would let herself fall, knowing that with the change of seasons, Star would be gone as well.

Pulling the ring off, she knelt onto the dirt ground and dropped it into a hole that she made quickly with just her fingers. It would decompose with time, Maka believed, letting nature take its course without her necessarily imposing her will onto it. She only looked back once on her way inside. Regret was becoming something that Maka didn't know she was capable of feeling. But she continued to her room, picking out the dirt under her nails.

Luckily, Star didn't ask about the ring ever again.

Instead, he asked her about other things, curious about her future and her life. They were always on the topic of him before, though she would chime in during some moments about herself whenever it was relevant. Never did he want to make an entire conversation about her though- or maybe he had, and she'd only noticed now that he was direct. Star watched her talk, nodding during moments of approval and echoed her words just to be sure during some points.

She was content with where she was, taking comfort in things that were familiar, yet strangely always craving for more and more. Like she wanted to build on her current world, she supposed. To take things and apply them, to improve and to continue to grow in the places where she decided to settle- that was her drive, maybe. Something like that.

And he was silent for a while, processing what she had to say. "So, you're pretty set on staying here, huh?"

Perhaps she was. It wasn't any of his business though.

But lately, strangely, she was starting to look at her home a little differently. How long had that tree been there, waving to her every morning? What lived in the wildflowers; when do they tend to revisit, and from where? And how long does it take for those bits of seaglass to reemerge up on the surface of the sand? Maka wondered when her curiosity evaded her, voicing it out loud to no one in particular.

Star agreed to go with her to check, just because he wanted to know too.

Though, he didn't collect much that afternoon, dropping what little seaglass he had into Maka's mason jar. Part of him seemed distracted, and a part of her knew it was different than his regular lack of focus. There was certainly something bothering him that day, she mused. But if he didn't want to tell, then she wasn't the one who was going to ask.

Maka thought that he liked these sorts of little trinkets though. He was beginning to fill his pockets with much more than just random rocks and pressed flowers. Like he wanted to take a bit of the island home with him.

Caught deep in her silence, she squealed when a familiar feel of arms wrapped her waist, hoisting her up into the air. With a loud cackle and more strength than anyone should have, Star spun on his heel around in the sand. The abrupt motion caused Maka to release the jar, and it flew somewhere she couldn't keep track of. But it was the least of her worries in that moment. Dizzy thoughts replaced the ill tension and an involuntary laugh bubbled from her throat. She tried to reach for him and instead was met with a ready mouth, peppering her face after he plopped them both onto the ground.

Those same kisses eventually grew heavier, hands roamed freely in every which way imaginable. A particular press of his lips to hers made her yearn for more, so she retracted long enough to let him know. She'll go crazy if he did that again.

And he laughed in her ear, hot breath sending chills down her neck, "Ain't that so, babe?"

It wasn't fair.

If nothing is for keeps, can't I keep you for more than a minute?

She was asking for too much now, asking to keep him for longer than the time she had. It was unfamiliar to be so selfish, like she was betraying herself in the very ways she warded against. He was to return to whence he came, she reminded herself, finding too much heartache filled the void when she tried to banish her straying thoughts.

It seemed too late for her now. They went further than just "attraction," moved beyond a simple "hey, I like you." Maka was beginning to grow just a touch more desperate for what little days he had left, anything that let her be closer to Star-

When did he become just Star to her?

Mortified. Embarrassed. Afraid. Words that described basic emotions held nothing to how lost she felt. She was a fool, a fool with a stubborn heart that craved for things she wasn't allowed to have. A fool who reached for things that made her powerless in spite of it being out of her own discretion.

And she just kept coming back, over and over again to the end of their days.

They agreed to break up a week before he left, giving him a bit of time to transition back into his bachelor status and for reasons that they thought made sense in the far beginnings of the summer. The ones that didn't mean anything to her now.

"Don't miss me too much, alright Maks?"

"I wouldn't dream of it, Star."

It was a good time that they had, and she swore that she made the most of it while she had him. So why does she want to keep holding onto his hand, as if parting with him would break her in some way. Even in front of the airport's security checkpoint, Maka had no intention of letting him go.

She broke every rule that she had within that last week with him, loved with every bit of her being that she could spare. It turned out that there was plenty of more room to fall for him, so much that she couldn't stand the thought of not seeing him tomorrow. But today was the last day.

Forgetting their terms and decisions, ignoring everything else that went along with it, she gave him a final kiss. Tiptoeing on her feet, breathing in the traces of summer, Maka presented him the sweetest thank you for the love, for the adventures, for his time.

"Fly safe, babe."

He left, walking to the entrance of the terminal with a tight chest and a heavy heart.

It wasn't for keeps anyway, but he wished he kept her for more than just for a minute.

#soul eater #soul eater not #mastar #makaxstar #serarepairdays #makaxblackstar #maka x blackstar #blackstar x maka #blackstarxmaka #starxmaka #maka albarn #blackstar #black star #nessie spills

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newbuginnings-blog · 8 years ago

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London, April 13-15, 2017. from top left: iraqi anti-deportation rally in westminster, big ben, the front room where i am sleeping, trafalgar square, walking along the canals in camden, and a shot of the marshes across the canal in clapton. ~ i arrived in london on thursday the thirteenth. before coming "officially" into the country i had to go through border control. the line for non-uk/eu passports strung back and forth for ages, the loud voices of eager american families blended with the melody of languages like chinese and hindi. behind me stood a tall middle aged man with a leather jacket and a british accent. he was in line waiting with his wife who i soon found out was from new jersey. i don't remember how the conversation started but for about thirty minutes we chatted in line about independence, school, gentrification, and music (the man used to be in a band that toured across europe in his day). when it came time to meet the border officers we wanted to exchange numbers and they invited me to visit whenever i wanted (they live in pasadena). the man at border control was patient enough but grilled me on the basis that i was a minor and if anything happened to me before i got to my friends on the other side of the airport, he would be responsible. my new friends waited on the other side of the border. "we will vouch for her!" shouted the man. they scribbled down their address and numbers and told me to give them a call, asking if i was sure i would be ok before bouncing. after presenting an official form signed by my mother and telling the border officer i would "find someone in uniform" if i ever lost my phone and wallet, i got through, national once again. ~ tamara and charlie live in walthamstow, an area in the north east of london that has the longest market in england (longest, not biggest charlie would emphasize). around the corner from the house is a turkish market and a chicken shop which they utilize frequently and fondly. when i first arrived, after a long ride in the tube back to walthamstow they immediately grabbed some beers at the turkish market and took me back to the house to meet their housemates. they are all extremely kind and funny lefties who i feel have treated me with lots of respect. i am used to having older friends at this point, but sometimes when the age gap is so large i can feel it effecting the way people address me. i don't feel that at all in this house, people are very genuine and sincere. the first night, charlie, tamara, their friend sohail and i went to a small iraqi anti-deportation rally. recently, iraqis have been being deported from england for the first time in a decade. the british government is also deporting and detaining many other refugees and migrants coming primarily from north africa and "the middle east." london has a huge presence of recent immigrants and refugees from turkey, syria, iran, iraq, afghanistan and pakistan. they organize themselves regularly to stop deportation. a complaint is that when white folks hold pro-refugee actions they are completely white, but those same folks don't show up to support at rallies organized by immigrant peoples. after the rally they took me to a weatherspoon, what they call "spoons" which is a pub chain (this particular location where they would apparently congregate after every demo that ended in parliament square). we talked about veganism and the way that racism is understood differently in europe/the uk/the usa. afterwards we headed back to a pub in walthamstow and met with the housemates again. i thought germans drank a lot of beer, but the real winner is the brits! i have no stomach for so much ale, because i get full after my first or second pint... maya told me that it is ok, after a while of being around the house everyone grows a second stomach just for beer. every one of the house mates has an interesting background--tamara is from nicaragua, chery is irish, ruairidh grew up in newcastle australia, charlie from st. louis, fran from italy but who grew up in china. i am having fun uncovering more about their stories and listening to them talk about their lives. i am fascinated that they have all ended up here together, through politics have met and started a household in london. when we got back to the house we all sat around eating ruairidh's homemade stew and playing instruments late into the night. ~ friday was the day of my gig at vinyl deptford. beforehand, we got free indian food at a stand on ucl campus, which apparently serves free food to hundreds of people, mostly students, per week (making food not bombs a bit secondary at protests). we walked along the canals marveling at all the different houseboats. we came along one that was a quaint book shop! we ran into cal coincidentally along the canal below the camden market (which tamara and charlie were devestated to see so commercialized and gentrified--they are tearing out a large portion of what used to be market to build a casino). the show in deptford was lovely. the venue is the small basement of the record shop, which was full of people (even if it was small, it felt full and warm). tamara and charlie were being so loving and supportive, and in between the sets leading to mine we would sit outside and chat with an eccentric nineteen year old named indigo who lives in manchester but came to see cal (and apparently never stops moving). i forgot to bring tapes to sell, but when it was my turn to go on it didn't matter much. the lighting made it so that i felt as though i was singing just to the people in the front row, which included indigo, cal, tamara and charlie. i am glad i impressed cal because they are experienced in show seeing and playing and are also the type of person who is deeply cool. they know what they like and they are very sincere about it. the other musicians were so great and roxy from furore was particularly kind to me after my set. a man who filmed the entire thing insisted that he wanted a tape next time i came through london (but refused to buy one online). some other person named mel gave me the contact info of a friend who has an international music collective she thought i would fit well into. indigo told me they want to get better at guitar after seeing me play. charlie and tamara were the most supportive of all, and the spirits were high as a large group of us drifted away from the venue. cal and their friends headed to a pub while tamara charlie and i went all the way back home to check on ruairidh who had just broken up with his girlfriend. their friend nina was over, who is really interesting. a few of us did md and we stayed up forever talking listening to great music. ~ saturday morning i woke up and finished reading assata's autobiography which is excellent: enraging and inspiring (nina named her cat assata apparently). i spent the entire morning talking with fran and nina and chery. even though nina had gotten sick the night before, laughter was abundant. cal came over after tamara and charlie woke up and we all got a full english at a breakfast joint in the walthamstow market. even though london is known for poor weather, it has been sunny and warm every day so far. yesterday was gorgeous, and after our mid-afternoon breakfast we walked past the reservoir and through the marshes. it is a magical walk because you go from a bustling london neighborhood into a park full of nature, absent the sound of cars. we sat along the canal for a while in clapton talking. it is so great that tamara and charlie and cal get along. but we all were laughing and having a great time exchanging the commonalities and differences of our experiences. after cal left to catch their bus back to leeds, we decided to go to a comedy show. best choice ever. the comedy at the bill murray was a free show, but it was packed with people and fucking hilarious. it left me asking myself why i don't go out to laugh more often? then i realized it is probably because a lot of this stuff isn't all ages, which is stupid. i haven't been carded in a bar since i have gotten here. that night we all met again at the pub in walthamstow, and after a while people came to the conclusion i should tattoo them all. after buying chicken and getting back to the house though, i started feeling sick and tired and took a nap and when i came back out everyone was gone except for ruairidh tamara and charlie. i am kind of glad because i was not in the headspace to give four people permanent body art. ~ easter sunday! fran is cooking an italian lasagna and a special dessert and appetizer. tamaras dad is coming to hide eggs and eat lunch with us. i am excited to chill the entire day and eat lots of food. london has been a wonderful time full of laughter and new friends so far.

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tirsaroundtheworld · 8 years ago

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North Vietnam

After our first few weeks of traveling through the South of Vietnam we had already grasped the country's diversity and contrast. The North did not fail to keep up. # Entering the North of Vietnam means crossing the former Demilitarised Zone, the DMZ, that buffered between North and South Vietnam from 1954 to 1975, ironically then one of the most militarised areas in the world. Most of the bunkers and combat bases that once marked this 5km strip of land along either side of the Ben Hai river have vanished a long time ago, but some results of its history of many many bloody battles can still be found. From Dong Ha we explored the area and visited the old United Nations office building which is now a memorial, the Lien Huong bridge which connects the North and South, Vietnam's largest cemetery Truong Son where thousands of victims of the war are remembered and the very impressive Vinh Moc tunnels. This network of shallow, dark tunnels at different depths under the ground was dug by the inhabitants of the heavily bombed Vinh Moc to continue life during the war. It shows the unbelievable strength and endurance of these people of which some are still alive today to share their stories. Definitely an impressive experience! # After a fantastic drive from Dong Ha higher up into the mountains, we reached Phong Nha Ke Bang national park. This huge and beautiful park is filled with limestone rocks, ancient jungle, wildlife and impressive caves. We spent a few days exploring the area by motorbike and our absolute highlights were the Botanical Garden, where we hiked and climbed along the waterfall feeling like true Bear Grylls' apprentices, and Paradise Cave, a huge, breathtaking underground world with a depth of 31 km of which 1 km is accessible by a fairytale-like lit, wooden walkway. ✨ # After Phong Nha we speeded up and only stopped for a night in Vinh and in Ninh Binh, in the latter treating ourselves to a night in an 'expensive' ($22 😂) hotel. Ooooooh how we enjoyed the spacious room with window, even overlooking the city, the comfortable, not rock-hard bed and the clean and modern bathroom. And don't get us started on the breakfast buffet! 😍 Just what we needed to recharge and make our way to Cat Ba island. # Apart from boasting a beautiful national park, Cat Ba island is a great and not especially touristy way to visit the famous Ha Long Bay. We spent one day hiking through the park and climbing the highest peak overlooking the island; we really love heights and views (too bad it usually takes pains of climbs though). The second day we made a boat trip into Ha Long Bay, including a kayaking trip through the many limestone formations, a swim in the bay and a visit to Monkey Island. A fun day! # After our lovely time on Cat Ba island we started our final trip, destination Hanoi. At least we thought it would be our final trip; before we left the island, in the middle of nowhere, our motorbike broke! Slightly fearing that the frame had broken under our huge weight, we walked a few kilometers until we reached a small village where we were approached by a local who said he could help us. It soon turned out that he just wanted to make a ridiculous amount of money on us so we passed, but we did manage to lend his phone for a short call to the owner of the hostel where we had stayed. The guy had us picked up with a truck, helped us to find a mechanic to discover that 'just' some spokes had broken and got us a room for the night; such a hero! The next morning we left with a fixed motorbike and a new friend! # We made it, we reached Hanoi! Proud and happy we got settled and spent four days in Vietnam's wonderful capital. We had some sort of a schedule as we wanted to sell the motorbike, fix the camera issue and get our itinerary sorted while visiting Hanoi's most beautiful sights, exploring its culture and taste the many different types of streetfood. And as the experienced travelers that we by now are, we managed to do it all! We visited the 3rd long-term dead leader of this trip, Ho Chi Minh, for who we had to wait in line the longest by far. We strolled around the old quarter, looked at the different arts and crafts, joined a celebrational ritual at a temple, went to the Vietnamese Women's museum, walked around the Hoan Kiem lake, admired the Tran Quoc pagoda, drove to Bat Trang ceramic village to score some beautiful tableware and made many tea and smoothie pitstops at some of the many many hip coffee shops along the way. We ate enough bahn mi, springrolls, potato coconut snacks, noodles and rice with all kinds of sides and fried stuff for the rest of our lives. We extremely coincidentally literally bumped into the guy who was just texting us about our motorbike and who bought it for a solid $225 (meaning we spent only about $100 in our journey all around Vietnam!). 👍 Though we actually were a little bit sad to say goodbye to the beast, it was meant to be. And then it was time to leave! We spent almost 5 weeks in Vietnam, during which we dove right into its various sights and characteristics. Some differences between the North and the South of Vietnam (apart from architecture, dialects and clothing) that we noticed: # The weather! Where we would wear the lightest possible clothes in the South (except for Dalat) to deal with the hot sun, the North was cold and wet. With maximum temperatures between 15 an 20 degrees Celcius and a near constant blanket of clouds and rain, it felt like a proper Dutch autumn! This is also why we had to cancel our plans to visit Ha Giang in the upper North to enjoy the mountainous views dotted with rice terraces: the temperatures there would drop even more, making driving on a motorbike significantly more unpleasant, and the clouds and rain would take away all visibility. Meh. The bright side: the difference in climate can partially be explained by the hight and mountainous surroundings in the North, which treated us to the most breathtaking scenic routes. # The food in the South is rather sweet and spicy, which changes to salty and sour while moving towards the North. There are also different typical streetfood dishes, which varies per city rather than North or South. # The people in the South are more open and hospitable than those in the North, where interactions between us and the locals were rather formal. # The communist character of the country is better to be witnessed in the North, where the standards of life seem to be slightly lower than in the more developed and wealthier South, where the quality of guest houses and hostels deteriorates the higher we get, just as the quality of the roads, where public speakers share news items and propaganda at certain times during the day and where propaganda banners, pictures of Ho Chi Minh and flags decorate the streets. # Apart from Hanoi and Halong Bay, we found the North to be more rural and less touristic than the South. # Unimportant but noticeable: there are less avocados in the North! 🥑 Some things that are just Vietnamese in general: # Vietnamese people are literally burning their trash everywhere. Where-ever we would go, we would not find a single bin but many piles of all kinds of trash at the side of the road that would just be burnt. All the beautiful sights, parks, cities and beaches: they are all littered. 👎 # Even more than their Thai and Cambodian neighbours; Vietnamese people are transporting EVERYTHING on their scooters. From foodstalls to meat to live animals to crops to kilos of plastic foam to ladders to wooden frames to building materials and what not, in the end nothing surprised us anymore. Not even 5 adult people on 1 scooter. # Conical hats make great scarecrows, and we have seen a variety of creativity in the many farmlands we passed! # Shops selling specific products are concentrated in the same area. Their would be an entire street with duct tape shops, the next with locks, the next with meat, the next with scarfs and so on. # Sidewalks are not for pedestrians but for parking scooters. # The highways are deathtraps for motorbike riders. On a motorbike you are of the lowest rank. Big trucks and buses are competing who goes first, cars try to squeeze through and no other driver considers you. We lost count of the times we had to hit the brakes hard because someone felt like crossing the road right in front of us, or someone from the opposite direction came our way from the side, or a third person wanted to overtake 2 overtaking people... # Related to the previous point: people in Vietnam have made a habit out of honking. Not as a sign of warning, but as a sign to notify their presence. When approaching a crossing, starting to take someone over, exiting or entering the road they honk like maniacs. Honking has become such a normal thing that reaction is numbed (just like our eardrums) and as a result people are upgrading their vehicle's honk!! Sometimes we heard a honk from behind and expected a big truck, while in fact a schoolgirl on an electric bike got on the road.. 🙄 Happy to have survived this adventure without a scratch, but slightly regretting it is already over we got ourselves to the airport. Next up is Laos, but not before a short stop in the Northern Thai Chiang Mai and Pai! Pad Thai, here we come! 🇹🇭

#dong ha #phong nha #ha long bay #hanoi #vietnam #traveling #aroundtheworld #blog

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freedomrecovery · 5 years ago

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Freedom from Food

I list 9 different ways why THRIVING in life is more important than living in shame, guilt and anxiety because of food!

Living in freedom is a subjective phrase.

You can be free from multiple things…finances, jail, a stressful relationship..the list can go on.

But I’ll be referring to the freedom from food, the scale, anxiety, and body shame.

These 9 steps to freedom we’ll be discussing will open your eyes into a life of bondage and unworthiness of someone who thought was living a healthy lifestyle but in the end realized she was causing destruction to herself mentally and physically. Here’s a little familiar scenario for you before diving into this book.

Numbers can warp and corrupt your mind.

Your mind can be corrupted so much that if your goal is to lose weight then your whole life can be consumed by numbers. “How many calories does this apple have?” “I can’t eat all of my food, because then I’ll run out of calories by the end of the day.” “I need to lose 5 more lbs! Five more lbs then I’ll finally be happy once I’ve made it to my goal!” Then all of a sudden you end up not losing those pounds…in fact, you actually GAINED 3 extra pounds on top of the 5 pounds you “had” to lose!

Earth shattering…I know.

So what does a typical female, who doesn’t understand the concept of loving herself where she’s at at the moment do in this situation?

Freak out, right?!! Duh!

After MANY times freaking out over the numbers, food, and the scale it was brought to my attention that I was NOT made to always be at war with myself. I was NOT made to always be looking for another way to change me. I was NOT made to always be wanting to lose weight.

To make your life a little easier I have found 9 personal reasons explaining just how more important your life is than being obsessed with losing those extra pounds or tracking to the exact calorie and/or macro.

Getting the full experience out of moments in life

People may argue that food has nothing to do with experiences, but I refuse to believe that and I will be the first to disagree. Picture this...sitting with your family around the table on Christmas morning. There are pancakes, waffles, biscuits and gravy, pastries, real sausage (not turkey sausage...), eggs (not egg whites), bacon (not turkey bacon), and juice. You name it, they've got it. Your senses are filling up with the aroma of the delicious and savory food sitting right in front of you. Your belly growls. You've been hungry all morning and it's finally sitting right in front of you. After saying the blessing everyone digs in! Sister is going for the waffles first and smothering butter and syrup all on top. Brother is reaching for the biscuits and gravy and the gravy is so thick it's dripping off his plate. Dad is definitely going for the pancakes (that would be my choice as well) and putting peanut butter on top (because he's a genius), then syrup. Then it's your turn. You look at the waffles and think to yourself that you can't eat waffles without butter and syrup, because they're too dry, but if I added those two together the carb to fat ratio would be out of this world. You obviously don't even think about the biscuits and gravy, because look at it...it's 90% fat anyway. No way. On to the pancakes. Well, if you ate one pancake it might be okay. That peanut butter looks awfully good though. Maybe just portion the peanut butter out to one tablespoon and melt it so it looks like you have a lot. But if you ate a pancake and peanut butter could you put syrup on top? Probably not. That would be way too many calories for this meal. What in the world would you eat for the rest of the day, right? Then after the argument and justifying which foods you should eat and shouldn't eat you grab a couple pieces of fruit, maybe some of your own oatmeal (that wasn't on the table) and water.

Do you see what I'm getting at here? I personally lived my life like this for 7 years. In the "health and fitness" world there are always people telling you, "don't lose your goals during the holiday season" and,"be mindful of what you're eating so you don't ruin what hard work you've already put into your body".

Do you think you're still fully experiencing life at this very moment by not eating the scrumptious Christmas breakfast that someone you loved made for you?

No, it's not! Everyone at the table is groaning, because of how amazing their pancakes are while you sit at the same table and have no opinion, because you're eating your fruit and oats.

Food is apart of the experience in most situations!

Eat the freaking pancakes and chill out!

Hanging out with friends/family FREELY with no restrictions

Do you remember the last time you were invited to get some drinks after work or froyo on a Sunday afternoon or you were invited to a strange restaurant you’ve never been before?

Did you go or did you opt out, because you didn’t have enough calories to eat what you wanted for dinner AND have a couple drinks with friends, or you weren’t sure how to exactly calculate the froyo into your MyFitnessPal app, or the restaurant your friends were wanting to go to didn’t have any “healthy” platters so you had to spend valuable time out of your day to look up the menu and choose the least calorie filled plate? If you have done one or all of these to get out of having fun with friends…you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. Okay, maybe a little crazy, but that’s why you’re reading this!

Now picture getting invited to one of these places—drinks, froyo, or dinner—and immediately saying YES! You’re not having to count, measure, or weigh anything. There’s no need to look at the menus, because you’re going to eat what you want and the world will still be spinning, you’ll still be alive, and when you wake up the next day you will look exactly the same, and you will have more memories then if you decided to be a hermit and not go out with your friends!

For some of you saying yes to these invitations is easy breezy, and you don’t understand why I’m taking the time to even explain why someone would do this. But for the others reading this, and myself, this WAS (or still is) us. This was how I would go about my everyday…trying to track, fit, and count every single morsel or food and macro that entered my mouth. Spontaneously getting invited to parties, dinners, or any event made me anxious. Literally, sometimes I would even have a panic attack. I would look up Youtube videos on how to accurately count froyo on my MyFitnessPal app, but just in case it wasn’t accurate I wouldn’t eat full meals before the outing, because I didn’t want to go over in carbs. I would spend so much time looking at the menus of the places my family and friends wanted to go to so I could already plug the numbers into my macro calculator to make sure if I should only eat 1 piece of bread…or maybe none so I could have half a sandwich, and soup…or I could eat a piece of bread with no butter and just eat the soup…but of course I would get the vegetables as a side, and ask for no added butter. No way, Jose.

Lets take a glimpse into the present tense. Every invitation I receive from my friends or family dealing with what used to scare me, I say YES! I say yes, because I don’t want to say no to life anymore. The freedom of going out with friends and feeling “normal” and not waiting for someone to touch the rolls first is one of the greatest feelings I’ve ever experienced and I want everyone who is dealing with this issue to experience it too. Because you deserve to feel FREE and you deserve to have 2 rolls at dinner, with a side of baked beans and not go home and stare at yourself in the mirror and cry, because of the “bad” decision you made! You’re better than that!!

Go eat a roll!

TRAVELING

I remember traveling to Canada by myself when I was in high school, and I had to stay the night with one of my sisters since she was going to drive me to the airport. She was such a great hostess that she made me a goody bag I could take with me full of a whole bunch of fun food. I glanced in the bag, said thank you, rolled it back up and stuffed it in my bag. “Who was she to think I would eat this crap?” “She knows that I’m better than that!”

We were leaving for the airport at 5 A.M. and coincidentally that’s when Krispy Kreme opened. Great. She pulled into the parking lot and we walked in. The smell of freshly made donuts filled my senses and I for sure thought I had died and Krispy Kreme was heaven. Anyway, she told me that when she leaves her house in the early mornings she makes her way over to Krispy Kreme and she figured I would want one too. DUH! DONUTS ARE MY FAVORITE! The man started to hand me a fresh, hot, donut right off the conveyor belt…”No thanks.”

I literally said, “no thanks”, to a FRESH donut! How stupid, right?! (insert rolling eye emoji here). My sister kept asking if I was sure I didn’t want anything, and I kept refusing…trying to show her my true self discipline and motivation to remain “healthy”, while wishing I could just eat one.

Just eat one, but I knew if I had the rest of the day would mentally eat me up. Knowing how many grams of sugar, carbs, and fat that was in that donut was my main concern…not the fact that my big sister thought it would be nice to feed me before I went on a 3 hour plane ride to California. Makes sense, huh?

Selfish.

The very first traveling experience I had with no prepped food, no weighing mechanism, and no on board snacks was in 2015 after my first (and only) body building competition. My family and I were heading out to a family reunion in Iowa so we packed up the car and drove 8 hours to see people I didn’t even know. I felt vulnerable, not prepared, alone, and just really really open to the world…not in a good way. I was stepping into a whole other dimension that I’ve never been apart of before. I ate fast food for the first time in years. I had several helpings of Kringla (Norwegian cookie…made from heaven), and so much breakfast food it was outrageous. This was the start to a long road ahead to recovery. When I say long road…I literally mean the longest road I’ve ever been on in my life. After this trip I suffered with depression on how and why my body was changing. Yes, I was happy I ate what I ate, because I missed those foods so much, but I felt guilty and shameful for spending that time with my family and just 'letting go' and doing what I wanted with no restrictions. Although there were no food restrictions, there were mental restrictions that I had to conquer later in the journey.

My most recent venture was in 2016 to California to visit friends. All they could talk about was the food. Food this, food that. They kept telling me about how California food was the absolute best and I would love it…the burritos, Mexican food, and burgers…everything was the best. Do you know my reaction to this?

“HELL YEA! Let’s eat it all!"

You see, by diving in with both feet when I knew that the life I was trying to lead wasn’t the life people needed to look up to and realizing there was an issue, now I’m able to travel and experience the world with no regrets, no excuse to not try a certain food, and no restrictions with my food or mental being.

Peace of Mind

I explained above that the people who have been living a life of restrictions are a little crazy. Don’t take it too personally, because I’m the one writing this, which means I’ve had my moments of craziness too. Like…a lot of crazy!

So what do we do about the crazy?

1. Breathe

2. Don’t overthink it

3. Take a step back and remember that life is too short to be so restrictive and grumpy about food

4. Make the decision of what you and your body want…not what you think your body needs or what other people think you need. What do YOU want?

5. Stop being crazy!

How to stop being crazy:

First, you need to accept that the way you’re living is NOT the way you were designed to live. God did NOT make you and place you on this earth to go to bed and wake up every morning being anxious about food. Anxiousness does not add years to your life, in fact it shortens your life.

Secondly, after you’ve accepted this fact ACT on it. Don’t mope and bask in self pity because there’s something wrong with you. Put your big girl britches on, read some self help books (great job with this pick, I think it’s pretty awesome myself) talk to someone who actually cares for you and will help you out, and DO SOMETHING. Do something proactive that will HELP you in your recovery. You can’t expect the anxiousness and the craziness to just disappear one day, because it won’t, I promise. You have got to put in your 100% and dig deep to reach peace of mind and mental freedom.

The baggage that insecurities have on women is insane. When I would get into a conversation about physical features I would mentally curl up in the fetal position and cry until the subject changed and I could be apart of the conversation again. This is a subject that women feel uncomfortable talking about, because they don’t want to be vulnerable and truthful about what they think about when they’re at home all alone or when they couldn’t fit into any of the clothes they could wear in college. Your mental health is priority number one. Without your mental health you will not be able to fully recover from this way of disordered thinking. Make up your mind today that change is here and you will do whatever if it takes to break through the walls of insecurity so you can live a life having peace of mind.

Mind and Body communication

Once I threw away my food scale and text my powerlifting coach and told her that I couldn’t go through with the programming, because of how strict I had to be with counting macros, I was lost. This was the first time since seventh grade I wasn’t on some sort of plan or diet. I had no idea what I even liked or disliked or how certain foods made me feel. I had even forgotten what it was like to feel hungry and satisfied/full. See, through many years of restriction, planning my meals out, eating “clean”, and especially counting macros I never gave my mind a chance to listen to my body and feed it the foods that it really needed. No, I’m not just talking about to train, but the kinds of foods I just wanted during the day. It was such a struggle not counting macros, because I didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t necessarily tell anyone about this struggle, because how weird would it have been if I was like, “my stomach is growling…should I eat or should I wait until later?” I journaled everyday for a few months trying to figure out this whole eating thing. After a few months went by I started to feel so good. My digestive system was finally working again (it hadn’t since middle school) and after a full year of not having a period because of the disordered habits I finally had a period. My body was FINALLY working optimally again. I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt this healthy!

What I’m saying is simple. Counting calories and counting every macro doesn’t give your body the choices it needs to work optimally for you. There were several situations to where after my macros would run out for the day (meaning I had eaten all the food I was told I could eat) I would still be hungry. This would also happen vise versa. My body wouldn’t need anymore food, but I would have 120 more carbs left…well I’m not hungry so why should I eat?

Well, you shouldn’t!

In conclusion, you can't be in control of everything, especially what you eat every moment of every single day. Let your mind and body connect and eat what feels good at that moment!

Enjoying GOOD food——without guilt

Do you realize that the health and fitness industry is a multi billion dollar industry? This means they have found exactly what people ‘think' they need, weight loss. They’ve taken it and ran with it.

They promote the "normal" things people do...(i.e. eating and exercise) and have corrupted it to the point to where people are labeling themselves as "bad" because of the food they've eaten or the workout they haven't completed.

I used to be this person, while staring at donuts or eating more than my designated macros, "I don't want to be bad today, but I want them so bad and I'm still hungry. Maybe I'll eat it now then be good tomorrow!"

I would also be the one posting on social media, "Cheat meal!! I love eating bad food!"

The association between the words “guilt”, "bad" and "good" shouldn’t even be in the same sentence as the word "food". Food is here to nurture and sustain us physically, mentally, and emotionally. We hear that emotional eating is bad and we shouldn't do it. Well, you know what?!! If you're sad and you think a candy bar will help...guess what? Go out and eat a freaking candy bar! Give yourself permission to nurture yourself emotionally and mentally.

I promise you that everything will be okay!

Eating kale isn't good nor bad (in my opinion I think it's freaking nasty so I won't be eating it). Eating a Subway sandwich is neither good nor bad, eating 2 rolls as an appetizer and eating your whole meal isn’t good nor bad.

I hope this makes sense to you.

There's no such thing as eating "good" and “bad" food. If you label foods this way then once you decide to eat out of these labels your mentality will be challenged and you will realize that you will feel guilty for eating amazingly yummy food.

Food is food. There is no good or bad.

And that’s it.

Your body is MADE to do so much more than lose weight

When was the last time you were thankful you could walk?

When was the last time you thanked your body for creating new life?

When was the last time you could hold your baby without any complications?

You see, our bodies were put on this earth for numerous other reasons than to lose weight. We weren’t made to step on the scale every morning and punish ourselves constantly by trying to lose extra pounds.

Our bodies were made to MOVE! We were made to hold children, and to conceive life!

Mother, I challenge you to really really think about your body and how INCREDIBLE your body truly is. Look at your baby and remind yourself everyday that YOUR body created that little person. If that isn’t miraculous then I don’t know what is.

Our bodies were made to travel. To hike up the mountains with friends and watch the sunset.

Our bodies were made to dance. To dance with your new husband on your wedding day.

Our bodes were made to feel. To hug a loved one who needs you the most.

Our bodies were made to free fall. To go sky diving or ride a roller coaster.

Don’t be a slave to the metal thing in the bathroom that flashes numbers in your face.

Go out and MOVE!

People are watching...

When I say 'people are watching' I am pertaining to the little people.

No, not midgets or Munshkins…#duh.

I’m talking about your children and the children around you!

Nine times out of ten parents (mostly mothers) don't realize how much of an impact their talk makes on their children (mostly their girls).

"We can't eat that. We don't want to get fat."

"I need to lose weight."

"There are too many carbs in that. We should find something different."

"I don't like my body...I really need to change."

"Let's go run off that ice cream we ate last night."

By saying things like this in front of children you're inevitably setting themselves up for failure.

The truth sucks sometimes, but it's true.

These little girls around you will start to think just because mom needs to lose weight I need to lose weight. And because mom doesn't like her body then I shouldn't like my body either.

She'll associate eating with exercising and burning calories.

*side note: the definition of exercise has NOTHING to do with burning calories!!

Exercise: "any activity that improves health and fitness."

Why do you think we hear SO many adolescents say negative comments about the way they look?

It's all they hear their favorite actresses on T.V. talk about. Then they think if the actresses are saying those things about their bodies and they're famous and everyone “likes” them then that’s how they should feel about themselves in order for them to gain a well known social status.

The only talk children should hear you say should be positive and uplifting things especially when it comes to your weight or your children's weight.

If they hear mommy saying she hates her body or even talks about dieting those little ones are going to grow accustomed to hearing those negative words and they will start to act on them. Have you ever wondered why young children ask if they’re fat or tell you they’re fat? Though society plays a huge roll in the influence of your children you also have a great influence.

Here’s a great example. My mother was the perfect definition of health in my book. She loved to move! She loved her potato chips and ice cream, but also loved her nutritious foods that fueled her body. We would go on walks together and lift together. She gave me the love I have for the gym. My mom never once talked about her body, but celebrated the fact that she could eat and she could move.

Once I got into middle school I would ask her why I was bigger than all the other girls and she would always tell me that I was just big boned and I still had baby fat and I would grow out of it. Well I didn’t realize that that was her way of comforting me since I was actually bigger than all the other girls! She would also say that I was definitely my father’s daughter due to my physical statue. All through middle school I would be confused as to why my older sister could eat like she did (we called her the garbage disposal), but when I would eat a normal meal I’d feel like I gained 20 pounds in a matter of minutes. She always told me that I could eat like my sister if I was as active as she was…this is when I really starting exercising for the caloric burn instead of enjoyment. "The more calories I burned the more I could eat!”, I thought. This thought process would lead me down a road of destruction mentally and physically.

There were times when I would ask my mom how I could get rid of my belly. She said if I stood up straight then I wouldn’t have a belly and it would become flat. I tried telling her several times that even when I would stand up straight I would have a belly but she never believed me until she corrected my posture one day, because she could see my belly and I proved to her that I had been standing up straight the whole time…I just had a belly! She turned back to her computer and didn’t say a word.

That day is burned in my memory because that’s when I correlated “being good” with not having a belly. She would always compliment me on my legs but when it came to my midsection there would always be something wrong.

Now, if I could ask her about those conversations today I know she would say that she didn’t mean anything negative or hurtful by her comments, but to my little ears at the time all I was hearing was, “You’re fat! You have a belly and that’s disgusting! If you want to eat today you’ll have to burn several calories to EARN your meal!.”

All I’m saying is that words are very very important! I look to my mom for the perfect definition of health. She was so proud of her body and what it could do. It was never about the outward appearance! Be careful with the words you choose to describe yourself, others, and your children.

The seeds that are planted in their little minds now will be harvested when they’re older.

Lets make their harvest fruitful and plentiful!

YOUR WORTH ISN’T IN YOUR WEIGHT

Lets get our orientation and mindset around the simple word “worth”.

: good, valuable, or important enough: deserving of:

: the value of something measured by its qualities of by the esteem in which it is held

: usefulness or importance

: an amount of something that has a specified value, that lasts for a specified length of time, etc.

: the value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration’ the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued or rated

Now think about yourself. Do you consider yourself to be of worth?

If you answered YES, great. You can skip this section.

If you answered NO, great. Keep reading.

Think of some ways you consider yourself NOT to be worth it.

So you can get a better understanding I’ll list a few ways I didn’t feel worth it a few years ago.

- I never felt good enough because I was always corrected and/or my parents were never ever satisfied with my work.

- I felt like my body wasn’t good enough.

*I was an athlete but I didn’t look like all the other girl athletes (straight body, no boobs, flat stomach) so I always thought I was doing something wrong.

- I felt ashamed for who I was. On the outside it looked like I had everything together but once I was alone I would rip myself apart with my words and physical harm.

I did not feel worthy enough to take care of myself!

I did not feel good enough to not let the lies of society mentally shatter me and break me down.

Instead of finding my worth in MYSELF and in God I found it in my physical attributes. I let how I looked decide on the attitude I would have for that day.

Think of all the times you spent obsessing over your weight, weighing your food, counting every calorie, saying no to plans with friends because you weren’t sure where they were going to eat and you didn’t want to feel “tempted” to eat “bad” food. Now think of all the times you could’ve been spending on YOUR passion, family, or friends. Maybe starting your own business or going out with friends. Whatever it may be choose to do what YOU want to do and shift your mindset and L O V E into the things you need in life.

My one and only request is that you will take these 9 reasons and implement them into your daily life so you can experience freedom from the scale, the numbers, and the war between your mind and body. Remember that if you want this new freedom you must be all in and set these reasons into play today. I promise you that if you give your 100% you will experience the chains being lifted from the bondage of the number game.

Be Relentless and always be moving forward!

Thank you dearly,

Bethany Michael Langland

email: [email protected]

IG: betsmichael

FB: relentlesstraining16

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3monthsineurope · 6 years ago

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December 8, 2018

Saturday was our last full day! I was having a blast, but was about ready to go home. Heather was feeling better, which was good! We slept til 9:30, which was ahhhhmazing. It was our first time sleeping in all trip; it was so necessary! We didn’t even get ready, we just went down to breakfast. I had some pancakes and croissants with jam and peanut butter (!).

We had a pretty relaxing morning. We were both reading a good book, so we lounged around for a while, then got ready for the day. We had a loose plan for the day; we were on our own! We started heading to the Chi Lin Nunnery. Heather’s friend had recommended it the other night, and it was super close by to our hotel! Well, we got a little side tracked. Heather and I found a clothing store with some really cool items! But, the odd thing was, you couldn’t try on the clothes, and they were all one size. Heather got a dress and sweatshirt and I got a nice jacket. And it was cheap, compared to the states. We took our purchases back to the hotel, then headed out for real!

We walked about 20 minutes to the nunnery. It was only built two years ago, but in the style of ancient times: without a single nail used. It was right in the middle of the city, and it was so peaceful! When I think of nuns, I think of Catholicism, but these were actually Buddhist nuns. There were tons of banzai trees and gardens, and we learned a little about some of the Buddhist gods. I’m really glad we went and visited this place of peace on our last day.

Next up, we headed to the subway and went to the “Ladies Market”. First we stopped at Lush (a luxury-ish bath and shower supply store) and I bought some fancy bath bombs (you know I love baths!). The Ladies Market was a huge outdoor market taking up blocks of the street. Heather and I bopped around, buying a few last souvenirs and exploring. We went to a local place for lunch and I had the biggest bowl of pho! And some super tasty chicken, too.

After lunch, we took the subway back to our hotel. We dropped off our goodies and relaxed for a bit, then headed back to the subway, to go to the harbor front, to do the Ferris wheel! We found our way there, as we had done the same thing the night before, only to find a pretty big line for the observation wheel. Oh well! We got some vegan ice cream nearby, that Weeze had suggested, and got in line. The whole thing took about an hour, including the 10-15 minute ride, three times around the wheel. It was a really nice view! The whole city was lit up, and I always enjoy getting up high in the city for the best view.

We took the ferry again, back to the Kowloon side of town. Coincidentally, we were in the harbor when the 8:00 light show was going on! We couldn’t have timed it better if we wanted to. There were fireworks and lasers and it was pretty perfect! We got off the ferry, then found our way to the MTR station, and then back home. We headed back to the hotel, and packed up our super messy, small, room. Did I mention that Heather had to buy another suitcase for all the things she bought? Hahah. I took a shower, and we went to bed before 11; we were getting up for the airport at 4:15 the next day. :]

#hongkong #hk #nunnery #bigcity #groupon #travel #subway #mtr #ferry #hongkongstateobservationwheel #observation wheel #market

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hattiepparker · 7 years ago

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Personal Notes from Intimacy Performance 22nd October 2017 ‘Hattie’s Life’ The Embassy of Intimacy

I can’t believe this day is over, as I write this I am sat on a train to Schiphol Airport, our exhibition only closed an hour and 50mins ago, I can still feel the adrenalin in my veins.

The day started slowly but really gained speed after about 1pm. We were all quite tired as we finalised setting up our exhibition but I actually really enjoy early mornings being tired and having breakfast with friends. Our work from the night before had really paid off too. It took a while to settle into how best our perforce would work but we soon cracked it. With the absence of Joppe who we have not seen for the majority of the project and Typhaine who had to go home for a little while due to sickness, Julian, Seok and I kept the performance going. I remained inside, sitting but mainly standing and also monitoring the narrative and the video on display. In the meanwhile Julian and Seok stood outside and briefly explained the project to waiting visitors and only allowed a few in at a time for a more intimate experience.

The reactions were mixed but overall positive. Quite a few people never realised that I was in the room with them or did not stay long enough to make the connection. The narrative and video added a nice ambiance to the room. As the day went on I could feel myself getting more and more jittery and I found it harder and harder the more people who were viewing my life. I still feel like I have been a little abused, I quite literally laid my life on the line for total strangers. Initially it was quite exciting as the first few people came and looked but as time passed I started to feel worse, who are these people? Do they deserve to see the inmate moments of my life that I spent with the people I love?

It became quite harsh in the end when I realised some people just didn’t care, they walked in walked out, maybe it was too overwhelming for them to be immersed in such a way but also maybe they simply didn’t care. They didn’t care about my life, something that I care about deeply, it was like they were dismissing my entire life. In convocation with a Taiwanese boy who studies in Dusseldorf, he pointed out that why should people care, I am not a celebrity, I am just one of 7 billion people. This is true but also how often do you get the opportunity to be fully immersed and get full access to one persons entire life in one go. I do understand his point but in the moment I didn’t want to accept it I guess. I also had to keep re-explaing that this was not an exhibition of narcissism, it was a group project that coincidentally focused on my life, it could have been any of us.

I was very happy when the exhibition was over, I could take all of my memories, family, friends and objects home where they are safe and protected, no one looking at them, judging them, poking them. I underestimated the toll this exhibition would take on me. It became more of an experiment on my emotions.

Some people spent the time to properly look at my life, they were genuinely interested and these people I liked having in the space more than others, a few of these people came and spoke to me, they bridged the gap between the objects and the person. Many mentioned that they didn’t feel true intimacy until they realised I was in the room. The combination of media we used helped to amplify the intimacy these people had been thrown into. A constant remark was “wow you have traveled a lot” and I had to keep explaining why, but this was ok.

Another frequent topic was social media, in the end this began to piss me off because I thought it was stupid, people were talking but not saying anything. They didn’t think this exhibition was special because this is what you see on social media anyway, but it is not. These photos, especially those from when was a child were taken by friends and family for friends and family’s eyes alone. They have never been seen by the public before. However much our lives nowadays are on social media we still have privacy, exhibiting my childhood toys and private photos are not things you will see on social media in such magnitude, and especially not in such raw manor, this was a no filter, no hashtag exhibition of my life.

Quite a few friends visited and this was certainly a lot more of an intimate experience for me as there was no longer the fear factor, I was happy and almost proud to show them around and explain what was happening. You have to be brave I have now realised to put your life on such visual display and to be questioned about it. A German photographer from Hamburg asked where my creativity came from as I am now at DAE, I explained it has always been there as an underlying character trait, it is not my only identifier, or the only thing that happens in my life.

I now cant wait to get home and sleep, I need a serious lie down after being viewed by the public for 6 hours straight. Maybe a little cry.

Good day. Good experiment.

#INTIMACY ROOM

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dawningasalenna · 8 years ago

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Life was meant for good friends and great adventures.

Leaving the Philippines last February, the last two familiar faces I saw were Kike and Blanca‘s. Meeting them last January was one of the highlights of my comeback in Mapua. I met Blanca first when AJ wasn’t able to meet her as the student buddy. A week later, Kike arrived from Spain. I definitely clicked with Blanca right away. With Kike, it was until maybe later that we became closer. Before leaving Philippines, I traveled with them (together with Zeus and other international students in Mapua) during the weekends and we partied together every Thursday (ifykwim)! Both of them became really close to my heart.

Keeping in touch with them, they would send me photos of where they are traveling and I would do the same. Eventually, with all the talk of visiting, they booked a ticket to Taiwan! (They missed me too much. Haha. Just Kidding!) Kike then told me that his friend, Daniel, is gonna come along. He told me that his friend wanted to party in Taipei. Constantly pestering me, we made plans on what we will do when they arrive. Checklists made, AirBnbs booked, couchsurfing hosts confirmed – everything was all set!

Filled with excitement, I started packing my bags the night before they came. I arranged their sleeping areas for when they come to my dorm since Mr. Lin told me that they could stay and sleep when they arrive from the airport. Having a delayed flight, they arrived Zhongli at around 4’o clock in the morning. I waited for them outside the dorm. Hugs! I was so happy to see them again. It was also nice to meet Daniel for the first time. Unluckily, no eating place was open so their first meal in Taiwan was from Family Mart. (So sorry guys! I brought sushi from the night market, that should be fine. Haha.)

Day One: Taipei

Up after 3 hours of sleep, I was excited to showcase my Chinese speaking abilities to my friends. We went to a breakfast shop and I ordered them my favorites: zhua bing and dan bing. Of course, nai cha! Walking towards my university, we grabbed some xiaolongbao and went to sit down at one of the benches in the campus.

Since it was almost 10, we took the bus to the train station and arrived in Taipei at around 11. Since it was already 11, we decided to check in our AirBnb place. Funny as it may seem, we got lost! Apparently, the map on the app was different with the address. An hour of searching for our place, Daniel found a Mexican guy with his Taiwanese girlfriend who helped us on locating Mia‘s Bnb!

Exhausted with all the walking (we had our huge bags btw), we rested for a bit before meeting Victor and Chingching who just came from Xiangshan (Elephant Mountain). Finally, I got to meet Victor from couchsurfing! As everyone’s tummies growled, Victor suggested that we have beef noodles soup for lunch. We went into a nice Taiwanese place and had a hearty meal! Kike’s chopsticks skills were so terrible that he had to use a fork. Hahaha! (Sorry Kike, I just had to. The first time we ate at Chinatown, I thought to myself, “Why the hell does this guy not know how to use chopsticks?”)

Heading off to the famous Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall, we watched the ceremony. I was quite surprised to hear that Daniel knows about the history of Chiang Kai Shek! Impressive. He was narrating the background as if he were a tour guide. Applause, Daniel!

Having Mankiw arrive at CKS, we split up with Victor and Chingching since they wanted to visit the library. Blanca’s wish was granted: we headed to Longshan temple! Mankiw showed us around the temple while explaining how the prayers work as well as what kind of gods and goddesses were in the temple. We even tried the wishing thing with the wooden crescent moons! I got a “Yes!” for my question.

Rain started pouring and everyone was just dead tired. We did our last walking tour at the Bopiliao historical block and hopped on the MRT back home. We decided we needed rest at home before partying. One funny thing is when we were searching for home, these kids were wondering what we were asking. I forgot what Watson taught me, the Chinese of McDonalds which is mai dang lao. After a while, we figured it out and they led us to the McDonalds. Thanks kids!

Rested up, we prepared for the party at Halo. My friend who’s the DJ of NekBrace, placed us on the list of Halo and Elektro. I met him on the party bus for the Spring Break on the beach, crazy times. Since Jay told me we could meet at 12, we went to Shilin Night Market first which was terrible that night since it was raining! Arriving at ATT4Fun, we saw my friend, Phillip! It was a nice encounter though he was partying at a different place. We went up to Halo and was greeted by Jay at the door. (Thanks a lot, Jay!) We had a few drinks by the DJ’s area and eventually started dancing at the middle where the party’s at.

Funny story! My friends actually met Dennis that night at the party. He wasn’t supposed to come, but he came in at the last minute. (All the way from Tainan!) I’m so glad he did, my friends met him. He even clicked with Daniel. Partying with the cool squad, we had such a fun night. I met this woman named Chao Anni who just smothered me with drinks. (Okay, maybe smothered is too much. Haha.) Due to that, I got my ass super wasted that I couldn’t remember what happened next. As Dennis told me, he had to carry my ass back home. Piggy back ride, yo! It’s even funny that I slept on a bush. The rest is just too embarrassing to say. (Shoutout to Dennis for taking care of me!)

Day Two: Taichung

Waking up late, I had to meet my friends at the Taipei Main Station so that we can catch the train that brings us to Taichung before 12 noon. Got our HSR tickets on time, but missed our train right before the door closed! It was quite embarrassing since Dad Vincent came to pick us up at the station and Rose/Jo-Tsen, my university buddy, is waiting for us at the restaurant.

On a hilarious side note, there was this Taiwanese girl who was taking selfies before getting on the train. She was actually pretty! And she knows it, lol. Betting on how long she would take more selfies on the train, Daniel and Blanca were shocked that she took more time than they expected. Kind of self-absorbed, the girl was on Daniel’s eyes the whole train ride. He tried to say goodbye to her when she was about to get off the train, but she was too busy thinking about her self. Crazy, I know!

Arriving Hsinchu, my dad came back to the HSR station since he thought we took a taxi to the restaurant because our arrival was later than expected. (Sorry, dad!) Hugs when we saw each other again. Vincent looked dashingly handsome on his vest and whole outfit. My friends instantly loved him. After a short ride, we finally came to the restaurant where Rose was waiting for us. My Mom Miranda, Brother Neil and Baby Felix came to meet us for lunch! “Happy Birthday, Neil!” I blurted as I hugged him out. I was so happy to see my Taiwanese family again since I missed them so much. Our lunch celebration of my brother’s birthday was amazing since we were at the really nice Wuwei restaurant. The food was exceptional; from the main course to the desserts – our tummies enjoyed the delicious feeding session. On top of that, we experienced a tea ceremony which was so different from what I saw in Korea.

Hugging everyone goodbye, I had to go back to Taipei for my meeting with TWIYC.tw since I’m volunteering for them. I met up with Dennis after to party at the Triangle where Jay DJed amazingly with his hiphop hits. I wasn’t much of a mess that night.

Day Three: Hsinchu

9:30, I am still in bed trying to make my way up. I jumped right out and hurried my way to the train station. Dennis told me that I am in no way reaching my train at 10:00. He even told me he’d get me a nai cha if I can catch my train. Luckily, Chi-Yu, booked the tickets early so I only needed to rush into the train. At 9:58, I arrived into the Taipei Main Station and ran as fast as I can to the TRA area. Chi-Yu waved at me as he was past the ticketing area. He handed me my ticket and we entered our train at exactly 10:00. Phew, that was a rush. I was breathing like a maniac! (Dennis, you owe me!) Kike, Blanca, and Daniel are supposed to arrive at Hsinchu at around 10:45 or something. We arrived at 11:00.

On our way to Hsinchu, I got to know Chi-Yu better. He was supposed to host me and my friends in Tainan if we wanted to go. However, I already have planned the Taichung and Hsinchu trips that’s why we just met up for the weekend. He joined us to Hsinchu which was really nice. He’s a neuroscientist who studied in Japan and is now going to the US for his internship from May to August then pursuing his PhD in the UK next year. How great is that!? I’m kind of jealous of how smart he is. I was so fascinated of what he has been doing. Thanks couchsurfing, I’ve been meeting a lot of amazing people here in Taiwan.

Hsinchu, at last! Poly waved at me as we exited the train station. He came with his wife Jenny and their friend Kevin. Just right on time! My friends came in first. We went on a drive for lunch and had some Taiwanese food. Since the plan of hiking was scratched, we went to the Hsinchu coastline for leisurely biking. We walked around the local fish market first and grabbed our bikes for the 34KM bike ride!

Beaches, lakes, farm fields, trees, wind turbines – it was a perfect day with the perfect weather. I was awed with how beautiful the bike ride is. Relaxing as it gets, we even had ice cream on one of our stops and some fresh pineapples at the lighthouse.

As we head back, me and Kike were pedaling so fast that we lost the others. Even though Daniel got past us and reached the finish line first. Coincidentally, we saw a pug on our way back! I biked really slowly since the pug was on this family type of bike that has an electric machine. I was biking behind them and staring at their cutie pie. Kike took some nice photos, muchas gracias!

After our bike rides, we headed to Poly and Jenny’s place to have dinner. We ate Taiwanese food and had a really delicious Taiwanese dessert! Since Daniel had to catch his flight, he didn’t stay for the night and Chi-Yu went back to Taipei since he’ll meet us at Fulong the next day. We thought the night was done, but Kevin came over bringing his craft beer! It was an amazing beer tasting experience (with funny drinking games as well). He actually told us that he started making his homemade beer just because he liked beer. Now, he’s selling his beers all over Taiwan! As VIP as we are, we got to taste the experimental batch. I loved all of his beers. The first two were fruity and very light which I appreciated more than the darker ones. Trying his beers that are on the market already, one tasted like coffee since it’s made from malt. However, the other was black IPA and also really nice. I am definitely coming back to Hsinchu for more beer tasting sessions.

Day Four: Fulong

Last day before two of my good friends leave Taiwan! We woke up really early, 5 in the morning! Kike was awake already since around 1:30 because I woke him up when I got out of bed to niao niao. Dropping us off at the train station, Poly headed off to work in Zhongli. We waited for our train to Fulong. One of the highlights of bringing my friends there is to scuba dive. Even Chi-Yu was convinced to try scuba diving for the first time! I was so excited for his first scuba diving experience and also for my first dive with El Kike. That’s one thing we shared, our love for scuba diving. I think that’s why we became really close – one of the reasons actually.

Arriving at Fulong, we went to a breakfast shop and saw Paul. He was heading to the Scubar to open it up. After breakfast, we met Nigel at the shop and had our equipment prepared. It was a fun day for a dive! I was trying to convince Nigel that he should bring us to a nice dive site since Kike will only dive once for the day because of his flight. (Risk of nitrogen narcosis if you dive then fly, 12 hours for a dive and 18 hours for two.) Luckily, he brought us to Garden of Eden! Ian, Irene, and Aaron were all there too! Yay, fun dive! Indeed it was an amazing dive. We went around a wreck and enjoyed the whole dive site with its marine life. I personally think it’s the best dive I’ve been in Fulong, yet.

I would dive again with Nigel, Ian, Irene, and Aaron, but I didn’t want my friends to wait for me. We had curry for lunch and ice cream – lots and lots of Nijel’s Ice Cream! (My favorite part of the day.) So, we decided to chill and walk around the nice temple overlooking Fulong beach.

We went to Taipei then and saw the Grand Hotel. The hotel’s architecture was quite stunning. Entering its lobby, we were fascinated with how red everything is. There was a pianist and violinist playing soothing music perfectly matching the place’s ambiance. We walked around before hopping on a bus to the Shilin Night Market.

Blanca’s words, “This is so different from what we saw a few days ago. It’s an entirely different place.” There was no rain and there were a lot of people. It was definitely the famous Shilin Night Market! Bustling with crowds, we went on food booths and filled our stomachs with satisfying night market food. With all the walking, we agreed to call it a day. Everyone was 0% energy-wise.

Getting off the MRT, Chi-Yu went home and we went off the Taipei Main Station. It was sad saying goodbye to Chi-Yu since he’s going to Washington soon. But, he’s doing his open water diving course with Nigel when he comes back! I’m so glad he said that. Coming to the end of their trip, I said my goodbyes to Blanca and Kike. I didn’t want them to go, actually. It made me quite sad that the four days went by so quickly! But then again, I’ll see them when I get back to the Philippines. Adios, te veo pronto!

#DawningInTaiwan: Viaje rápido? Vámonos! Life was meant for good friends and great adventures. Leaving the Philippines last February, the last two familiar faces I saw were…

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donovanahern-blog · 8 years ago

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Perfect days do exist Paris, France- March 25th, 2017

This past weekend in Paris was one of the best weekends of my life. To kick it off, one of my best friends, Jack Micco, who I grew up camping with at the Lair arrived in London for his spring break at Cal Poly to stay with me. Him, my Lair tent mate for the past two summers, Danny Kelly, and another Lair friend, Cleary, and I all walked around London in the afternoon/evening and saw Buckingham Palace before getting dinner. The day before on Wednesday Danny, Cleary, and I were at Big Ben and the Parliament just 20 minutes before the attack happened so as we walked around we did a lot of reflecting and talked about how important it is to enjoy every moment we have.

We then went out with all my roommates and had a fun night together. I woke up at 8 Friday morning for my 9am presentation which I ended up going very well. My professor gave me the highest praise in the class so that was a great start to my Friday.

Jack, Cleary, and I then headed to the airport to fly over to Paris to meet up with Navid, Cami, and Hannah (three other Lair friends). I have seen quite a bit of Lair folk while being abroad this semester but this weekend was particularly special to be with all of them because we are such a close group of friends and some of us hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. Not to mention, Hannah has been one of my best friends since freshman year of high school and Jack and I have been buddies since we were kids at the Lair and coincidentally, Jack and Hannah ended up working at Camp Blue together. They are now very close, one might even say “together.” It’s pretty cool to see two of my closest friends being so compatible.

We arrived in Paris around 7PM and Cami and Navid were at her apartment waiting for us. They greeted us with three different kinds of fresh French cheese, salami, prosciutto, crackers, and wine. It was quite a warm welcome. Cami studied abroad for a year in high school in France and has been in Paris now since August so she is fluent and knows the area very well. She lives in the Latin Quarter which is a very lively, fun place to be. We went out to dinner at a local restaurant and then went to a little bar to sit outside and people watch while having a few beers. It was a good, mellow first night in Paris.

Cami’s roommate took this picture of us on her polaroid. Polaroid shots are awesome because of the way they look when they come out, it’s like you get taken back in time as they look vintage. Pretty cool.

Saturday morning we woke up early and Cami had a feast of a breakfast prepared for us. She made crepes, eggs, potatoes, and had fresh fruit and nutella for us. It was an incredible way to start the day.

We got up and siezed the day early and walked over to check out the Norte Dame de Paris Cathedral which was very cool. The weather was great too so it made walking around that much more enjoyable.

After walking along the river we stopped at a little outdoor cafe in a park to eat lunch. Cleary is a double major in business and art at Cal so she is a very creative/ artsy person. She was taking pictures left and right the whole weekend and snapped this candid shot of us at lunch. As you can see, the area behind us made it a pretty ideal spot to enjoy my first French baguette.

After lunch we rode the huge ferris wheel that’s located in the middle of Paris. Although it was definitely a good view when we got to the top, I cannot pretend like I was uncomfortable being that high up. The little pods you ride it swing back and forth with the wind and it was not my favorite moment of the day as I am not a big of heights. Glad we did it though.

After walking along the river starting in the Latin Quarter, we finally made it to our last destination, the Eiffel Tower. It was around 5 at this point and the sun didn’t set until 7, so we went into a wine shop and picked up cheap wine and cheese. I personally got a chicken, cheese, and tomato baguette heated up and it was phenomenal.

After acquiring the French essentials, we walked over to the tower and planted on a spot in the grass right below it. The sun was shining, the wine was good, we were in Paris, everything was just right. We were all so happy to be there and to be with each other. There were people playing music near us and it seemed felt like we were exactly where we needed to be during that time. We even ran into a few other friends from high school and hung out with them on the grass for a bit.

Navid, me, and Jack.

The Eiffel Tower at sunset. By sunset we had been sitting there for a few hours and I think it’s safe to say that we were all smiling for the entirety of those two hours. Everything we had done and seen that day up until those moments when the sun went down contributed to how incredible we were all feeling. We smiled, laughed, took pictures and soaked it all up. We all agreed that it was one of the best days we’d all individually had and that everything about it was right. I would not have changed a single thing about that day I had in Paris. Perfect days do exist.

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genevahale · 8 years ago

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Getting into the Christmas spirit

Brussels and Bruges, Belgium

Planning!

Planning group trips can be a little challenging. Everyone has different budgets, things they want to see, and different ideas of what a relaxing vacation looks and feels like. Our only really restrictions on this trip were: keep it affordable, a see a Christmas market, and it had to be Thursday through Sunday as Crystal has two small children and her husband had to be back at work Monday. Seem easy enough, and it was!

This was the first trip I had taken with Jessica and Crystal (two other wives living in Shannon). Jessica is originally from Columbia and has traveled extensively through Europe and South America. Crystal, however has not. She went to Disneyland Paris in the fall, and before moving here did not have a passport. So the idea of getting her out, and actually experiencing Europe was pretty neat!

As we started planning, I realized I didn’t really know anything about Belgium, and didn’t really have a lot that i just had to see. I wanted to drink beer and eat chocolate and waffles. Jessica found an awesome tour that included beer and chocolate. I booked the AirBNB, Crystal booked our flight, and we were off! Well, first I helped Crystal do a little bit of packing so that we would not have to check bags. And then we were off!

Thursday

Crystal picked us up after her husband was home from work. We made a mad (yet safe) dash to Dublin Airport. The drive from Shannon is about 2.5 hours which normally is fine but our flight left at 7:30pm. Again, should be fine, but it was also rush-hour. It was a little stressful but we parked, got to the terminal, had our boarding passes verified, and headed to the gate with time to buy some snacks.

When we landed in Brussels, the Immigration Officer was confused why three Americans with only little backpacks would have flown from the US to Belgium for three days. We explained that we live in Ireland and he looked relieved. Smooth sailing and on the to the next thing!

We attempted to purchase train tickets to get from the airport to our AirBNB, but the machine only took euro coins. I know the €2 coin is incredibly handy, but who carries €8 in change with them? Not us. We had to wait to purchase our ticket. The queue moved slowly and there one only one person working. It turns out, that 10:30pm on Thursday night, they probably need two people manning the booth.

We reach Brussels, find our AirBNB, and even though it was quickly approaching midnight, we were hungry! Following some quick googling, we decide to check out Friteland. We wandered through the closed Christmas Market (a teaser for tomorrow) and headed towards the smell of frites (fries)! The shop was busy but we were ushered inside by the man taking orders. We ordered via gestures and numbers on the menu. The man taking our orders offered Crystal a sausage, waggling it in his tongs with eyebrows raised. Well, this should be an interesting trip... We ate our fries, drank our Jupiler, and were already having a good time. We wandered back to the AirBNB after one, ready for some sleep and tomorrow’s adventures.

Friday

We got a late start to our morning (thanks to 12am frites). We wandered around the City Center and slowly opening Christmas Market. We took this chance to grab breakfast: our first Belgian Waffles! They were so good! A little sweet with Nutella was the way to go! And of course, coffee!

Photo care of Jessica. She is an amazing photographer and this is just a small sample of the photos she took on our trip.

We wandered around more and had a chance to see parts of Belgium's vibrate Middle Eastern community as was passed a coffee house. It was nice to be reminded of how diverse other countries are after having spent a lot of time in rural Ireland.

We headed back towards the market and started drinking some Gluhwein because it was 11am, after all. We had conversations regarding religion specifically why I am opposed to nativity scenes paid for by taxpayers in the US, why I think separation of church and state is important, and overall conversations that are not necessarily appropriate for “polite company”, especially at 11am.

After several more glasses of hot wine, we grabbed some lunch from a stall: melted cheese on a baguette with ham, pickles, and cocktail onions. It is an odd sounding combination, but it tasted amazing!! We perused the market, checked out various Christmas themed stalls and generally enjoyed ourselves. We headed back to the AirBNB again to rest up for our Chocolate and Beer Tour.

Regarding Gluhwein: In Brussels you pay a €1 deposit on a reusable cup with when you buy any hot drink. When you are done, you can return it to any stall to get your €1 back. It’s a great way to decrease garbage but also lead to some homeless people aggressively begging “for cups to return”. I’m a little conflicted about this turn off events, but I really liked the idea of reusable cups.

The Beer and Chocolate Tour was led by Marie. She was amazing and I cannot recommend it enough! It was like taking a tour with your best friend’s, best friend. She was brutally honest which was hilarious (”this place looks tacky, but it has really good ganache”), picked unique things for us to try (including cocoa nibs which were not good, and a beer that can only be brewed in Brussels because of the bacteria in the air, and an Earl Grey Tea chocolate), and overall she was a wonderful hostess for the city of Brussels and we really got our money’s worth on the tour. Plus a nice buzz! It was a little on the expensive side for a tour (€75 per person) but we did tour as a group for almost five hours, and was one of the best tours I have taken in Europe!

After the tour, Marie recommended a restaurant to us: Chez Leon. We shared mussels, frites, and more beer. The mussels were amazing! We ordered two kinds, one with garlic butter and cheese, and another version with just garlic butter. I have never thought having mussels with cheese and it was so good! The restaurant itself wasn’t amazing, and it was a little pricey but thanks to great company, it was still very fun.

Saturday

Before leaving Ireland, we had decided that we wanted to see Bruges. It is an hour from Brussels and costs about €10 round-trip on the train. On the way there, we were unable to get seats, but we did for the ride back to Brussels. Thank goodness, too as we had some very tired feet!

After disembarking from the train in Bruges, we headed towards the city center. It was easy as there was a crowd heading the same direction. We had to option to either take the bus or walk the mile and a half. We decided by foot would be better as we had no where in particular to go with no timeline.

As it turns out, Bruges is the cutest town that has ever existed. It looks like you have stepped into the Victorian Age but without the horrible smells and small children begging while covered in coal dust. If you ever think to yourself, “I’m not really a Christmas person” then you need to check out Bruges in December. The Christmas market is huge and complete with an ice skating rink in the center.

We stopped and had lunch pretty much immediately as we had skipped breakfast. We all ordered the Flemish beef stew. It was so good and severed with frites. Clearly Jessica and I opted for giant chalices of beer. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but it was delicious! Bruges was significantly more expensive than Brussels. Our lunch was €20ish. So not bad for one meal, but had we stayed in Bruges, it would have added up quickly.

We also were able to watch Christmas parade. It was an interesting combination of marching band, nuns, a priest, a nativity, along with the three kings. Including one in blackface! I know it’s another culture, and I cannot judge, but for such a progressive county this seems like an odd tradition to hold onto.

After wandering around Bruges for the day, we managed to run into our friends the Youngs! They coincidentally had planned a trip the same weekend we had.

Once we were back in Brussels, we returned to the Christmas Market for dinner, more Gluhwein (noticing a theme?), and the headed back to the beer store we had visited with Marie the night before. They were just as friendly as they had been on our previous visit. It was nice to be able to warm up, sit down, and chat with each other. From our vantage point we were able to watch a drunk lady run down the street being chased by the police and then pass out before being put into an ambulance. For the amount of drinking that takes place at Christmas Markets, this was the most out of control that anyone was. And in reality, she seemed like she was more a danger to herself than anyone else.

We finished our beers, grabbed a kebab and headed back to the AirBNB to rest up for our last day.

Sunday

Last day in Brussels. We grabbed a leisurely and delicious brunch at Peck 47. By opting to sit outside (with heat lamps) we were able to skip the long wait. Coffee, mimosas, and a salmon eggs Benedict hit the spot! The neat thing about sitting outside is that we were able to listen to a street performer who sang in French and was very good.

After breakfast, we ran around to our favorite chocolate shops from the tour and purchased some goodies to take home. I ended up spending almost €30 on chocolate but it was well worth it. We wrapped up our time in the city with a beer before catching our train.

Final Thoughts

Ending a trip is always bittersweet but one of many nice things about living in Europe, I have already planned my trip back to Belgium. I enjoyed my adventures with Jessica and Crystal, but I was excited to get home to see Ryan and Habibi.

Until next time Belgium!

#chocolate #brussles #belgium #beer #adairadventures #girlstrip

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