#coffee with my close friends
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I can't believe that adding footers onto a single page is what made me consider dropping out of university seriously. Why the fuck is that so hard? Brb I'm going to burn down the houses of the two word processors I use
#academia#fucking sucks#i had like#dark academia#studying in the library#coffee with my close friends#dreams about uni#and instead its twenty minites fighting with a fucking work processor#im gonna sue
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they are sooooo cute
#by the way. sua with glasses. yes.#senior sua.....#sua is the senior who is calm and sweet with everyone like a goddess#till is the senior who looks lowkey hard to approach and goes straight home after work so nobody is really that close to him#if senior sua will comfort and gently encourage her juniors with kind words#till is the senior who seems stricter and will give criticism (with good intention. just a bit blunt)#mizi being shy in the offrec au is so cute 😭😭😭 and the fact that even though she's shy she was the one who offered to approach till#is sua offering mizi a coffee? or is it the other way around? either way adorable#i love how mizi and ivan are taller than their seniors 😭😭😭 soooo cute wah#till and sua are friends in this au. let me believe in these lies#the cool seniors who go out for lunch together and stay in each other's trailers/rooms to talk about their respective headaches#i don't know why i made this post sorry. moment of weakness#literally just rambling#anyways offrec au my beloved#alnst#alien stage#alien stage till#alien stage sua#alien stage mizi#alien stage ivan#ivantill#mizisua
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Happy Anniversary and april fools!!!
Thought i'd post this here too for encounter day❤️
#april fools#kaishin#kudo shinichi#kuroba kaito#dcmk#cried through hours of back pain to draw this#also learned that drawing while on call with your friends is not very productive#Somehow managed to finish this without coffee cause i was a molecule close to passing out dead on my desk#so that's cool
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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doodles and some lore. I'm tired.
#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person#he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane#Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant#they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends#Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt#Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends#Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in#Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition#Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor#and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together#Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind#Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them#and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc#also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don)#how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise.#Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name#my art#yb peter#Yb don#Void#Jay#Yb tk#Yb lucy#none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly#the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June#I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such#anyway uhh idk what else to say
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wip wednesday with the nekoma third years I treasure so deeply
#kryk timeskip fic#I literally love their dynamic soooo much this coffee shop scene is close to my heart#I would love to be friends with Kai irl#I would bully the hell out of Kuroo#Yaku I would avoid out of pure fear and awe
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⠀
#cw negative#cw suicidality#cw vent#last night was the lowest i’ve ever been in a while . it truly is something else isn’t it#though i’ve been plagued by Those kind of thoughts for a while now i know i don’t truly want to die#more like take a very long nap and be woken up when it’s all over and i don’t have to constantly feel this way anymore#despite everything i am still hopeful for the distant future . i know i will probably cry over uni assignments and maybe fret over-#-workplace drama . but then i will have friends to meet for coffee and money to buy the silly things i want#so i have to look forward to that or else#carrying a level of hurt with me that makes it feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid#constantly waking up and wondering what i did to deserve it. feeling embarrassed‚ too#i want to wipe away those memories . and stop hurting myself nightly#genuinely when i close my eyes all i can think about is how desperate i felt and how lonely i was and then i want to claw myself apart#[ why did no one help me? ] those kind of thoughts ... i have made positive memories but i’m finding more difficulty recalling them#💭
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don't think I've mentioned here, but there actually is a S.ugiura fankid! She's very lovely!
#ash rambles 💚#mask off 🎭#her name is Emi! named after her father's late sister. she likes horror movies and ghosts and she's studying to become a detective#not a private investigator like her parents and uncle y.agami but like. with the police. she greatly enjoys studying the law#and ofc she spent a lot of time as a kid around y.agami since he used to be a lawyer + all of the g.enda lawyers#being around lawyers and detectives along with members of organized crime like her uncle h.igashi have made her very interested in the#concept of justice#i like to think that when she's older she can have a game of her own hehe!#she'd make a really fun protagonist! a mystery featuring a ~20 y/o Emi and some of her friends! she's very fun and she's a good fighter too!#i think there would be a style switching mechanic too with a combat style like each of the j.udgment 4. but her default is most like y.agami#they're very close- k.amurocho isn't a very safe city but she spent a lot of time there as a teen with her uncle solving cases#also due to her mom being an ex-thief she's a very good lockpick- and she's skilled in parkour also considering who her parents arw#I'm worried that she sounds overpowered but i swear she's not ajdhajdjs i just really wanna drive home that her upbringing is very#interesting as a result of growing up alongside the whole cast of shady figures in j.udgment. she's actually a lot like t.animura from y4!#they're both half-japanese detectives that are sorta little shits but have a strong moral compass that they stick to-#oh! and i think she dyes her hair! gets it from her dad#i have 0 interest in dyeing my hair but s.ugiura is bright orange and i love it <3 i think her hair is red#oh also she has a bit of an iced coffee addiction-#okay yeah that's it for my ramble! i originally only wrote her as a kid because it was very amusing seeing the cast deal with a little one#but. then i realized that her as an adult could be very fun to write.. so yeah!#oh also she's gay- i don't know the specifics and honestly i don't care but i was writing her relationships with some of her friends and#went 'i know what you are...'#the vast majority of my fankids are not straight#anyways yeah! emi is neat! i love her lots <3 my daughter!#my daughter who better stay safe since being a y.akuza protagonist is dangerous business-
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had an epiphany last night while neck deep in a gummy: i am going to start a sewing club <3
#ooc.#and i want to see if i can use my office space from work for it too.#because no one ever uses this place (except for me unfortunately) so the rooms and tools and things are going unused for YEARS.#and we have a 'conference' room that has an amazing view of the city; natural sunlight from tall windows; a large round table with outlets.#also also a giant wall size tv for gilmore girls watching; close to the local bookstore/coffee shop where i also do my pottery.#and a whiteboard for figuring out sewing patterns.#imagining sunday mornings after visiting the bookstore to get coffee and breakfast pastries (or i make my blueberry scones).#and hosting a sewing club with close friends where we get together and just yap with good vibes.#and just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am buzzing about this idea.
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thinking a lot about in a world where toma might be considered "i would kill for you" and heroine might be labelled "i would die for you", shin stands wholeheartedly in the: would you live for me? in turn
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#like that one tweet thats just: ok you'd do all that but would you remember my favourite colour?#boil enough water for two coffees? would you truly listen?#stay a while longer on a bad day? split a fruit in half#because it tastes better shared? would you care about the small things?#both the heroine and toma are people who have so many friends ( no matter how close they consider themselves to them )#but theyre both the only people shin is closest to.#they both feel the need to take the extreme lengths when shin just wants to stay in for the night. slow dance in the front room and eat#dinner together ...#in some routes he dies for love but truly. one of shins biggest gripes with his childhood friends has always been them pushing themselves t#places they cant guarantee he's able to follow#what good is their sacrifice if he cant enjoy their company afters?#WAAAA obm broke my heart today so i buried myself in making smth for shins bday and now this has me in tears ...#were just emotional tonight bro . at least im off now for 4 days ( mainly xmas shopping ) but will be here ...
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one thing about me if you're my irl you'd have tasty breakfasts and snacks every other day
#ramyeon with spam !#i love love love trying to make new dishes like it's a new obsession#and i dont have close friends here but where i used to live we called our friends over if someone was having rlly cool breakfast or sm#like today's the day of mayo sandwiches with salad which is healthy healthy#yesterday was choco brownie for snacks with coffee and i make jaw dropping coffees btw#and i also make rlly good creme cheese pasta with corn im telling u im a treasure fr#btw my mom hates me for this bc i make a mess in the kitchen (zero cleaning instincts)
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BL Trope Du Jour
Washing his hair
Pictured above: Until We Meet Again, My Tee, Theory of Love, Coffee Melody, 21 Days Theory, Meow Ears Up, Something In My Room, Vice Versa, Close Friends, Coffee Melody (the pink hair version).
And my personal favorite, the reverse:
Ocean Likes Me
#BL Trope Du Jour#Thai BL#Washing his hair#Until We Meet Again#My Tee#Theory of Love#Coffee Melody#21 Days Theory#Meow Ears Up#Something In My Room#Vice Versa#Close Friends#Korean BL#Ocean Likes Me
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why is this coffee making me tired
#i dont Wanna take a nap#i literally took 4 yeasterday and couldnt fuvking sleep all nighy#it might have also been due to the 4 cups of coffee and cup of green tea i had relatively close to sleeping#but i also made my sitting space so calm n cozy so#i miss my friends.....
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really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo
#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out#elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something#bc i certainly do#maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances#like it’s difficult for me to leave the house#do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty#trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth#after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards#into stuff a lot of the time#trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me#even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty#but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them#idk it’s all just so frustrating#i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really#like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone#but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new#bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes#i wish it were easy but it isn’t#idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again#and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t#it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time#and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon#but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside#and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start#and the cycle continues#christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’#i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with#idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year#and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it#but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻♀️
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🩷
#don't think that i take for granted the fact that i was born into the happiest marriage/family in our entire extended clan#this family (on both sides) is rife with divorce and rebellious children and couples that have lost their spark and always seem sad#and sure my parents bicker on occasion and have teir frustrations like any couple#but they're in love! still! after 28 years!!! they're each other's best friends#and the three of us get along so wonderfully and we're always laughing together there is LOVE in this household#but that's just so vanishingly rare it feels like#none of my friends are this close to their parents#and idk i feel like most of the couples we know (not all but most) don't have the kind of happiness my parents have#so i'm in between having a huge appreciation for where i am in life#and fear that i'll never find something like that myself#like sometimes i just think too deeply about it and it feels so difficult so impossible#“this happens once every few lifetimes”#but then i think i'm just being paranoid and actually we DO know lots of very happy enduring couples#that CAN be me#but in a way it's just all a game of chance isn't it#no doubt someone out there would be a good fit for me but what if i never meet him#what if we just. miss each other#there's such a fine line between finding true love and eternal solitude#it can be anything a messed up coffee order a dinner you get invited to a job offer you accept#but you never know what it'll be!!!! and that's so scary!!!!!!!!!#okay i think i'm just making myself feel worse so i'll stop here and go to bed#but just. yea. food for thought on this night of my parents' anniversary#elly's posts
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i had a fun day 2 day ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა everyone has been so nicey 2 me all day from the minute i left my house earlier ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡
i went to a Retreat for the first time for work earlier 0: and I did SO good for being up since 2am it didn't even feel like it 💀
it was so chill i drove like an hour away but Away from the city so there wasn't rly traffic and the mountains r so pretty 2 drive thru (❁´◡`❁) got some rain n v low clouds and since it's autumn there's all these pretty colors. i took an edible on the way n was just jammin out n enjoying the scenery among the many safe opportunities 2 look
and then at the thing we got 2 do different ice breakers n go on decently long breaks; i got 2 hang in different groups n actually Talk w a bunch of ppl which i never have time for omg. it's nice working at a legal nonprofit, i would NOT want to do this with corporate mfs !! 😹
went around n said hii to the enbies and i ran up a hill that looked a lot smaller than it was, i made it like 80% of the way before my legs were immediately like no girl we're done !! but my brain was like but it's Right There, and i struggled 2 finish the climb but I Did !! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა and i was so so tired i do not remember ever being that winded before 💀 getting down was so much slower n worse bc my legs were Done and when i finally made it to the bottom i laid flat on my back for like 15m, and when when i made it back to sit n chill i still need like 10 more minutes akskska. i do not b exercising !! i just wanted 2 play it looked fun and i got excited (｡ﾉω＼｡)
in between things i was working on my sister's choker n kept winding up w a group of ppl around me 2 talk to about it and just talk 2 in general n the company was rly nice (❁´◡`❁) ♡ had a lot of different kinda talks 2day!! everyone is a sweetie!! some ppl r so funny n chill and i rly hope 2 get 2 talk more casually w people perhaps As Friends when i go in 👉👈
there's one girl in particular who is rly cute n sweet and i want 2 see her again ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა when I got home finally i had 2 hop on my work laptop real quick 2 look up her name again 2 make sure i didn't forget ☝️😌 we do not work at the same office but hii i am visiting next week 🐇
yippee!!!! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა !!!
#i think i have become an introverted extrovert at some point 0:#which is rly nice bc my social anxiety was SO bad at the beginning of the year like i didn't even know where to start skskdksk#but i kinda figured it out? but it's also just being me? idk.. much 2 think. but i made good progress#i am getting a good grade in being funny and nice and talking to people !!#i want 2 kiss someone on the forehead#omg but if there's ANYONE who deserves a kiss it's this old lady who lives a few buildings down on the way to my car#where EVERY time i see her she always has something so so sweet to tell me about how i look#today she said I'm always looking fancy (｡ﾉω＼｡) ♡ and more but that's the main thing i remember besides the small talk#and the first time we met she asked me if i was a model fr and she's told me I'm cute and I'm just like PLEASE SKDKDKS#i can't fully tell if you're just really sweet or kinda 👀 at me but girl u r so sweet like hello do u Want a hug or a kiss ?? i love u !!#old ladies have a warmth they fill u with that just take the weight of Everything off ur shoulders n leave u feeling full n happy!!#bless old ladies fr!! literally my favorite people to interact with always i love u abuelas everywhere u r everything to me and i would do#anything for u !!!! i miss getting to help friends grandmas w stuff as a kid 🥺 it was just always great 2 talk 2 them and be close n on#good terms n stuff :3 i was the same way with their moms hehe. hi hello i want 2 help !! (✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚)#my friend is being lame and acting embarrassed but i love you please talk to me i am so so interested and think you're really#cool and funny and sweet and wise actually ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ i wanna be around u if u wanna hang out#even if it's as simple as getting 2 help in the kitchen n always helping w dishes n stuff ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა aaa ♡#omg i was late 2 the thing too and missed the breakfast and there's this sweet energetic old lady who's always like#omg u didn't get to eat? do u want this? can i get you some coffee or tea? and I'm always just like no no it's okay I'm gonna get it but#appreciate the offer and just ૮ – ﻌ–ა she is always looking out 4 me !! but she's just a sweetie like that !!#i think sharing food is a universally good way 2 make friends and it always warms my heart 2 meet ppl who r the same (❁´◡`❁)#they r always so so sweet 😭🥰 for my astrology girlies i correctly guessed that she's a taurus hehe 😼#there's another old lady who's an office manager for one of the offices n she is so soft spoken n sweet and i wish i got 2 hug her n talk#to her more 🥺 she's so far though omg i don't get to see her in person much#n e ways i work w some really warm bubbly ppl ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა i am a happy girlie 2day!! then im going Serious Mode again tmrw 🫡#oo i get to setup like an Actual server for a rack w linux and it's being delivered 2 my place tomorrow 0: I'm excited abt it as a project#AND my new jewelry came in today along w some cute underwear we r starting this wk off strong !!!#there was so so much more frm 2day i am just rly stoned n thinking abt it all (〒﹏〒)#if u actually read all of my ramble ily ty for letting me Talk ૮˶• ﻌ •˶ა ♡
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