#coe tag

[crunchyorb]

rough coe thoughts re: my first impressions of hajime + utsugi and how they've changed, i will maybe write something a bit more coherent later

on first watch of coe i thought utsugi's devotion was a lot more genuine (=not self-serving) (or not 'aware'?) and i took hatsutori's moment in the garden + moment at the very end as the same kind of 'genuine devotion' but reciprocated.

i…don't think it's 'not' reciprocated in the sense that utsugi being Around At All is unwanted or that hatsutori did not at some point encourage The Bit but as i went through dlc i guess i came to realize that they weren't on the same page at all--and while i don't think it was out of active malice in either case (neither of them were just Intending to use the other without caring about their wellbeing/what they really want) that doesn't quite matter

i like the stupid hajime and the utsugikun who never says anything and how their priorities were different from the start i like how hajime wanted to not be a monster and utsugikun wanted someone to depend on him i like how they were exactly what the other person 'wanted' from the start but not what they needed and unlike utsugikun and mr harada where mr harada wanted to reach out and understand him but was too late and too much of a coward hajime and utsugikun never quite 'tried' in the same way from the start partly /because/ they were what the other person 'wanted' and to change would be to not be what the other person wants and to change would be to admit that they didn't /want/ to do what they ended up doing and that they were wrong

i think what hajime hatsutori 'wanted' was the praise and admiration from being a star i think what noriyuki utsugi 'wanted' was the reassurance that came from knowing that someone would always need him, there would always be someone who couldn't stand on their own two feet (metaphorically although) and who needed him to do everything.

i think what hajime hatsutori /needed/ was someone to say you're human stop doing this shit enough with the experiments. i think what noriyuki utsugi /needed/ was to not be the leader of a cult and instead be overly naggy and micromanaging with someone who would call him overly naggy and micromanaging but kind of like it anyway and like /him/ anyway.

but if they get what they need--if hatsutori gets what he needs, someone says he's human, then he is a human with dirty hands who, by his own inaction, did wrong things and allowed horrible things to pass. he wouldn't be praised and admired. he wouldn't get what he wants and would have to give up on that forever.

if utsugi gets what he needs--someone who doesn't need him, someone who can stand on their own two feet, someone who 'could' leave him or refuse to reach out at any point, then that means it won't be someone who can't stand on their own two feet, someone that /could/ leave…well, he'd have to trust that that person liked him anyway. he'd have to give up on the security of what he 'wanted' forever.

to be human or a 'person', in the end, is both to love yourself /as/ yourself and to take responsibility for your actions. neither noriyuki nor hajime call themselves human in the end. that's all. well it's my thoughts anyway.

'i want you to write that an inhuman, foolish, blind zealot went to hell. that's the way it should be.' 'i no longer need to be human.' i guess…well, i guess if i had to say, reading these lines again now…i don't think either of them took full responsibility in the end. that's really all.

[wolfythewitch]

Question about your champion patroclus au, if you don't mind- how do you think the 'risk it all' moment factors into this scenario? Aside from amending his contract, would achilles show up on his own between Zag's runs to challenge pat himself? Would that be what Pat was hoping for, only to find achilles waiting for him after reforming from his fight with Zag, to contrast the way achilles was nowhere to be found the first time Pat had reformed in death and found himself wondering aimlessly alone? Or is the relationship fundamentally different, with it's own ending devoid of the risk it all message?

That would be what pat is hoping for, yes! Though hope is a strong word haha. At first maybe, he was hoping that Achilles would come when hearing of the famed champion of Elysium. But it's been decades since and Patroclus is mostly fighting now out of a misplaced sense of duty to his king, plenty of rage he couldn't have when he lived, and a Whole lot of bitterness. So this pat is fundamentally a lot angrier than Hades!Patroclus. I think the risk it all message might still come into play, though me and @thcscus have been floating around the statement "If he truly is the best of the Greeks, then why doesn't he come up here and kill me himself?" So it might also go down that route

[golyadkin]

a couple Ianto studies for the Sunday Scaries

[coeluvr]

Was Clarence simply a dorky 14 year old prince? 😭 I’m gonna frow up thinking about all of the MCs brothers being so casually slaughtered.

Yep! Just a little dork that thought he could help his family but well. 😔

[sunsunmi]

My pen finally came!!! It feels kinda sleepery on the screen compared to my tablet but probably after adding the screen protector it will change lol

Anyway!!! I drew my babies (eyes) !!!!🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ When I finish I'll post it

[lazyleafeon]

[image description: 2 versions of a portrait of atou, with alternate versions showing just the line art. in the first portrait there are grapes in the background, and atou looks haggard but disinterested. in the second, the grapes have been replaced with alveoli, and atou is covered in blood and smiling widely. End ID.]

access point E

[bearlytolerant]

[fl0ydzie]

la lala lala

[smilingaspera]

Alright so the first time the 456 came to earth they asked for like 10 kids (I don’t remember the number) and one of them got away so they only got 9 kids and they were like ok no big deal don’t worry we’re leaving in peace. From their point of view the humans didn’t respect their end of the deal and they were just fine with it? Did I miss something?

[giselberts]

that one 'i want a baby' meme but its with constellation members instead

(also i made this at 2am instead of doing my homework so if the vibes are off that's why <33)

sarah

barrett

sam

andreja

walter

noel

matteo

vasco

vladimir

[halfhumanhalfasleep]

Hey shut up and look at these lidar images of riverbeds

Credit to Daniel Coe

[crunchyorb]

some thoughts about coe + my first impressions and how they've changed

on my first watch of cell of empireo, i took the courtyard scene, isoi's comment at the beginning of chapter…….seven? eight? that yandere moment, and even "if you want to save everyone, i want to save you" as evidence of a genuine devotion--of something that started from a 'pure' desire to save and follow hatsutori, that was warped as time went on, and culminated in hatsutori's suicide attempt as the turning point--where the 'pure' desire to save and follow hatsutori became simply a warped desire to keep him alive regardless of what condition he was in or his thoughts about it.

i took hatsutori's moment in the garden (white rose) and the moment at the very end as a recognition /of/ that 'pure desire' and, i guess, an acknowledgement that it was 'reciprocated' in the sense that hatsutori also wanted utsugi to 'follow' him…regardless of what condition he was in or his thoughts about it. a similarly 'pure' desire that was warped by the situation they were in--that just like utsugi's attempt to keep hatsutori alive marked the turning point from 'they were somewhat on the same page and wanted the same thing' to 'i'm going to keep this person with me regardless of their thoughts about it', the end of the game was also the turning point for /hatsutori/ from 'i want to be with you and we want the same thing' to 'i'm going to keep you with me regardless of your thoughts about it'

i don't think i was 'entirely' wrong but i think i had it backwards-- as i went through dlc, i realized that while i do think it was 'reciprocated' in the sense that they did 'want' to be together, and i do think neither of them approached the relationship with the intention of using the other person, they were never actually on the same page to begin with and neither of them actually made an effort to understand each other, or at the very least--not in the way harada 'tries' (and only succeeds in too late) with utsugi.

part of the reason that the two of them stick together so closely despite not understanding each other or necessarily sharing the same goals is because hatsutori gives utsugi something he wants, and utsugi gives hatsutori something /he/ wants--hatsutori wants to not be called a monster, and utsugi wants someone to ask him to stay by his side. they say as much during their first meeting, but utsugi still wants the stability that supporting hatsutori (or 'having someone who needs him, rather') gives him, and hatsutori still wants to be called a star.

however the problem is that this isn't the only thing either of them want--as time goes on, they both start to find that they want something other than the roles they've locked themselves into. utsugi finds that he's gone too far down a dark path & wants to be saved, hatsutori also wants to be human (and /also/ thinks they're going too far down a dark path.)

but if they were to turn back or try to reach for something else, they wouldn't just have to acknowledge that what they were doing was wrong, they'd have to acknowledge that /they/ weren't right and that they /don't/ want this. they'd have to give up what they currently have.

and while both of them do individually acknowledge that what they did is 'wrong', this isn't the same as acknowledging that they wanted something else, or trying to reach out for those other possibilities.

utsugi does (kind of) try, once, in the library with harada, but at the time, harada doesn't understand and brushes it off as 'you must be tired'. and then, when they meet it again, utsugi /refuses/ to try again (the only thing you're allowed to say is 'you're tired'--not any of the more 'honest' options)

hajime 'kind of' tries to bring up wanting something else in the scene with utsugi ('can i really not be human')? but doesn't fully understand utsugi's answer, takes it as a 'no', and doesn't really bring it up again--

and neither of them ever fully 'reject' what they have

in fact, it's not that they don't 'reject' it, it's that they reject the other possibility--to be human, to not have to go down this path. to have something else--they both reject 'humanity' in their final lines.

because, as we see with hajime (when he's talking about seodore not being a star) to be human would mean that he needed to make his own decisions about whether what he was doing was right without the reassurance that being a 'star' gave him. and utsugi says something similar, that telling hajime that what he's doing is right is how he knows 'what he's doing is right' and the reason he's living, so 'to be human' would be to find another reason to live without the reassurance of someone 'needing' him.

neither of them can bring themselves to do that in the end, neither of them ever 'stop' what they're doing, and so they die without letting those things go.

[stalespark]

I only just met him and I know he is going to be my everything

[coeluvr]

I wonder how farah didn't lose herself in luceris... did she?

Well, currently Farah is a very one dimensional character and I won't do her the honor of becoming more just yet lol.

Farah and Lancelot are not the same people so you can't really expect them to have the same experience with Luceris.

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

happy birthday grandpapa (9/14)

[mindrole]