#cluster manager

[fusiondynamics]

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[entity56]

Tips for Cluster B Anger

~ coming from someone who has BPD and a psychology special interest Have you been feeling like your anger is completely uncontrollable and all encompassing? Do you feel like your anger controls you more than you control it? Me too! But here are some things I've found to be helpful: - Taking notes. Write down triggers for what causes your anger episodes (as well as other episodes e.g sadness or paranoia) once you come down from it and start looking for a pattern. Not only will this help you to slow down and self reflect, you can begin to either avoid those triggers or find ways to regulate the effects. - SLOW DOWN. If something is making you want to hurt someone else or yourself, slow the FUCK down. Push against the grain, step back and let yourself have a good cry or scream into a pillow. Do whatever you can to (healthily) process the emotions, no matter how long it takes, before making major decisions. - Avoid self harm, substances or unhealthy habits like disordered eating or emotional self harm. It's so tempting, believe me, but it will only serve to make things worse. You might feel like you want it to get worse now, but in the future, you WILL regret it. If you start feeling these urges, refer to the urge surfing diagram below this. - Get outside advice. Think you're splitting but you can't tell? Run the situation by a close friend or loved one and see how they feel about it. Try to relay it with as little bias as possible and see if they agree with the decision you're about to make or if you perhaps need to reevaluate some things. - Take care of your heart. I know this is cliche, but a good sleep schedule, hearty food consumption habits, hydration, exercise routine and mental health care go a long way in helping you succeed in the above tips. You are struggling with an illness, and ill people need as much care as possible. Become your own parent. This works for anger in all Cluster B personality disorders, as well as with autism spectrum disorders! Urge surfing:

[clovelie]

i don't know who i am as a person. i rely on everyone around me to give me a personality instead of forming one on my own.

[titan-god-helios]

my positivity posts are oftentimes for others, yes. of course they are. but they are also for me.

today i was really struggling with my symptoms - npd, autism, adhd - you name a symptom from them, i was probably struggling with it. it was Not fun to say the least.

i love my point of view on the world. i really do. i wouldn't change anything about my brain in terms of my neurodivergencies even if i could because it makes me who i am in part. but i do have rough days just like any other person with disabilities or even without. please don't feel alone if you have a bad day. shit hits the fan sometimes and that's okay. i'm with you, as are many others <3

[avpdpossum]

i never understood why some people said they felt like they knew how they were going to die until i started driving. between the adhd/dpdr combo making me constantly space out at the wheel and the avpd/probably-ocd combo making me react to bad thoughts by jerking the wheel or slamming the brakes, i’m starting to feel like it’s pretty much inevitable that that’ll eventually be how i go. if it isn’t, it either means i just got super lucky every time, or it’ll mean i got super unlucky and died some other way first.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd culture is "wow the admin of narccisisticpdcultureis must get so much supply from the attention their blog gets i wish i had that"

.

[reksink]

In Celebration of This Year's Uncoming Battle

[stellewriites]

Hello Stelle! Hope your day is going well.

Wandered into your inbox to ask (yet another) question about our girl, butch!Simon. I just wanted to know your thoughts as to whether or not you envision him with tattoos? I remember you writing about your tattoo headcanons a while back, and wondered if butch!Si would have the same?

my day is always brighter when i’ve got birdy in my inbox 🥹

honestly i didn’t think further than the usually sleeve tat until now but i think my prev headcanons still fit - id just swap out the scottish thistles out for lavender and violets on her hips instead!

maybe i should give a bit of love and attention to his tats in the next instalment of butch si,, maybe he can get a knew one added with reader in mind <33

[medical-angel]

[fusiondynamics]

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aditya@fusiondynamics.io

[violentviolette]

how do you tell apart violent impulses from violent intrusive thoughts when you get both? I know I have violent impulses because I acted on them before I had a better system for dealing with them and I know I have intrusive thoughts because I get sexual intrusive thoughts about things I never get impulses over. I know it doesn't make sense because I can tell sexual intrusive thoughts have no impulses behind them but the line is just completely blurred for me with violent thoughts. I always deal with them like they're impulses and get myself as quickly away from the victim and weapon as possible just in case but it always weighs on me not knowing if I really would have acted on that were my reins looser. When I acted on my violent impulses in the past I never felt guilt over actually doing it even if I wouldn't choose to repeat it but stopping myself from potentially acting on violent thoughts makes me feel like garbage

personally, and this is highly subjective and not like a universal Fact, but i generally seperate them by "impulse = rooted in feelings relevent to both the situation and my wants" and "intrusive thought = not triggered by or relevent to actual feelings i have outside the thought" so like, an intrusive thought *to me* is something like "pick up that knife and stab it thru their hand to pin it to the table" when nothing is wrong and im just generally chilling, this is not something i would actually enjoy nor get any real pleasure or satisfaction from doing

whereas an impulsive thought would be "punch that person whose irritating u in the face cause it'll make them stop speaking" cause that is actually rooted in something that would bring me pleasure or satisfaction to do, but i know is socially innopropriate and not a healthy way to handle the situation

but honestly, i think the difference isnt always important, especially when talking about how just having either of those thoughts makes us feel about ourselves. there is no inherent morality to thoughts. our thoughts simply exist, and they have no bearing on whether or not we are good or moral people.

i've had the urge/thought/impulse to hit my wife before. dozens and dozens of times actually. i never have and i never will, but the urge to solve all my problems by simply punching them is a strong urge that i dont think will ever go away for me. i get angry or upset and my instinct is to become violent over it. but simply having the thought to do so doesnt make me a domestic abuser or a bad partner. the fact that i have never once given in to that urge and continue to control my behavior is what makes me a good and healthy partner.

it doesnt matter what u would have done if u werent controlling ur behavior, what matters is that *u are controling that behavior.* u are doing the right and healthy thing by choosing not to act on an impulse or intrusive thought and taking measures to ensure u dont. that shouldnt make u feel bad, it should fill u with pride for urself. the thought is not the important part, it's what u DO with that thought that matters. people think all kinds of insane things all the time, triply so when u have mental illnesses. brains are weird and freaky and they think wild shit. none of that matters, what matters is ur actions and ur behavior and the fact that u can and do control urself to behave in healthy and appropriate ways is the sign of u being a well adjusted and mature adult and healthy member of ur social group.

dont beat urself up over ur thoughts, they are not what make u who u are. ur actions make up the person u are and its ur actions that matter. and the fact that u take action to ensure the safety and well being of the people around u is what determines that u are a good and healthy person making the right decisions, and thats something u should feel very very proud of urself over

[awbrainno]

I'm so fucking tired of hurting.

Trigeminal neuralgia is known to be agonizing, is known to be unbearable, is known to be unbelievably difficult to survive, and yet...

And yet.

My neurologist quit without warning. I was told I'd get a new provider, but never heard back. I was assigned an appointment with a neurologist who has never listened to me, never respected me, who has told me repeatedly that she wants me to stop taking all my pain management medication because I'm trying to get pregnant and there is limited research regarding whether my medications may or may not be safe for the theoretical fetus, who does not exist yet and already matters more than I do. I requested a new neurologist and was told that the office would need to check with management to decide whether I'm allowed to transfer to someone else, maybe, someday.

There is a medication that stops my migraines in their tracks, just works, no rebound headaches and no brain fog and no side effects. My insurance won't pay for it because I haven't tried enough of the cheaper, less effective medications, despite having tried and failed more medications than I can count over the past nearly twenty years. The current medication I'm on, which I've been on for years, was prescribed by my old neurologist - the one who quit. I can't fill that prescription currently, because the office needs to check with management about whether they're allowed to have someone else sign the prescription for me. Just wait, they keep saying, just sit in your agony and wait for our bureaucracy to decide whether you deserve relief.

I finally want to live - I love my life and I'm excited for the future and I'm not suicidal anymore... Except, that is, for the 1-2 weeks per month when the pain is unyielding and nothing helps and I begin to think, again, just like in my darkest moments: I can't do this. I can't live like this. I don't want to endure this anymore. I don't want to endure.

I'm so fucking tired of hurting.

[egoborderline]

Whoever invented major depression with year(s) long episodes/groups of episodes should be vaporized i think

[happyk44]

There is so little info around HPD, it's frustrating, I just wanna see how an atypical or covert presentation would come across and then write a bunch of stupid HPD!Piper posts about it 😩

[intravenous-paranoia]

Test results from my psych came back, who wants me?

[tsubasaclones]

(the tempo is at 50 in case you were wondering)

so i was like lol lemme transcribe this im sure it will sound very interesting... then since it looks like the lines are wrapping around i was trying to figure out which goes in what order... and some of them i had to kind of read backwards... anyways this is definitely wrong (considering it wasn't meant to be played in the first place) but i spent time on it so you have to hear it. had to take a couple liberties.