#clown distribution system

[reemerarius]

I managed to get a pic. Kinda.

She hasn't come out of the box yet.

So, I called that breeder I was talking about. They denied they would ever abandon a clown. I had asked if they had a clown missing, not if they abandoned a clown, but okay.

They told me never to call again. So, I'm wondering if I should call, like an association, or something? Like that's sketch right?

Anyway, I guess she's mine now. I'll have to take her in for a checkup, hopefully, they can tell me what kind she is.

I don't have everything I need yet because, well, I was trying to take my time with adopting a clown. But, you can't make appointments with the clown distribution system.

If she comes out of the box, I'll try to get a better picture.

[mrs-monaghan]

https://x.com/spideyskm/status/1829087580001890356

all joker clowns thinks the same isn’t it ? 😭 I think the same too. And like they did with ms announcement in Jeju they’ll say it like it’s a normal Tuesday for them…

I’m waiting for that day so I can distribute sweets on my neighborhood 🤡🙌🏻

I honestly couldn't tell if you're hating or not, which is why I'm replying to this. I'm so confused 😂 i mean, u said clowns so ig you're an anti? I decided not to be replying to antis anymore but I'm not sure what you are so....

Yes.

This is exactly what is going to happen. They've done it before. They lived together for years and didn't bother to hide it. And yet people still called them bros. So yeah, they will do it again after MS and you will still be here idiotically laughing coz "they said it like it was a normal Tuesday."

Maybe they said it so casually because it was??? I'm sure when they first heard about it they cried and celebrated and had one of the happiest fucks of their lives. It was already in their system by the time they were discussing it on the show so yeah, they talked about it like it was no big deal. Because the big deal reaction had already happened in private with eo and their loved ones. We weren't privy to that and thats okay.

I will dumb it down for ya and give you an example. When I got married, for the next two weeks I was like "I'M MARRIED!?!?!?!" 🥰😄🥳😭😃😁👏🏽☺🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️ Then after a month I was like "I'm married" ☺🥰😁

3 months in, while I'm still super happy to be married, I dont say it all cheery and loud and stuff. Its just like, "yeah, I'm married." 🤷🏽‍♀️😁

Sometimes its easier to give y'all the most simplest answer because you just can't think for yourselves. 🤧

In the words of Monk; here's what happened:

Military enlistment is mandatory. Inevitable. Its something that was always going to happen no matter what. Jikook knew this... had accepted this... were prepared for this. They'd have to go almost 2 years without seeing eo... (if their breaks didn't allign) without spending quality time together. They were aware of this and had accepted it. It was unfortunate... and sad... but it was the reality and there was nothing they could do about it.

But then... BUT THENNNN there was talk about exemption and oh shit! There was hope.

That maybe... just maybe, BTS would be exempted and they wouldn't have to do this thing that they really didn't wanna do. That Jikook wouldn't have to be separated at all like they'd thought all these years. Like they'd mentally prepared for. They didn't want to... but they are only human and so they allowed themselves to hope.

.

.

Unfortunately, that did not end up happening and so they had to proceed as planned and serve just like everyone else. But here's the thing, hope had occurred. Hope is awful. Just awful. Because now Jikook had to accept reality all over again.

But you know what? They tried. They did their best. They accepted it was happening. For 18 months, they would serve separately, it would soon be over and they would be reunited. It wouldn't be easy, but they didn't have a choice.

But here's the thing, that ugly thing, hope? JK had felt it and now he couldn't... he couldn't. He just, simply, couldn't. The idea of going without Jimin for 2 years was just too much. He can't even go without Jimin for a day how was he going to do that for almost 2 freaking years??? It just... it wasn't... no. Just, no. Absolutely fucking not.

Jimin saw this and couldn't let his Jungkook go on like this. There is nothing he hates more in this world than to see JK unhappy and thus the idea of enlisting together was born.

But- but- they knew better this time than to hope. They couldn't. They couldn't hope. Not just yet.

(Thanks @chicknbunny13 😘 )

(JK didn't need reminding they were enlisting. If this was in Jeju where they already knew their request had been approved, JK wouldn't have playfully swatted at Jimin 😂) imo anyway.

Where were we? Right. Hope was threatening to rear its ugly head but they weren't gonna do it. Not this time. So months go by... fingers crossed until they finally get the good news!!!

They were ecstatic, of course. Over the fucking moon. And this part you Jikook anti anon and all of us didn't get to see it. We didn't see them get the good news. We didn't see them cry in happiness. We didn't see them tell the members and their families. We didn't see the celebratory love making 😔😪 we missed all of it. But guess what? It happened.

And they talked about it many times after that. And we just so happened to catch one of the times they talked about it casually on camera. It seems to me like you expected them to make a big deal about it. But your dumb ass didn't stop to wonder why they would when they'd already known about it before hand???

Sit down anon. Stupidity doesn't look good on anyone.

[delusionalwriter02]

Insta as Fyodor's GF p.2

<3 liked by Golgot, Yosanugirl and 390 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : last friday night @.Fyofyo

Fyofyo : remind me to never do that ever again

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : seeing you drunk is certainly a rare sight

↳ Golgot : and a VERY fun one

↳ Fyofyo : my reputation is ruined

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : cmon love, you're allowed to have fun from time to time

↳ Fyofyo : the headache is not worth it

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : but the pampering was

↳ Golgot : Ynnn can you pamper me toooooo ??

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : fuck off

<3 liked by Daze_i, Sig_ma and 296 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : i don't need to adopt him i don't need to adopt him i don't need to adopt him I NEED TO ADOPT HIM

Fyofyo : You want a cat my dear ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I want a whole menagerie

↳ Fyofyo : consider it done

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : ....... what ?

Sig_ma : So have you adopted him ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he adopt me

↳ Sig_ma : Excuse me ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : he followed me home, he choose me, who am i to decline ?

↳ Sig_ma : From this angle, yeah it makes sense

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : the cat distribution system finally heard me

<3 liked by Fyofyo, Yosanurgirl and 596 others.

Yn_theoneandonly : so...hmmmmm.... to summarize my day. I adopt an adorable cat named Charlie and an horse because my INCREDIBLE bf says so, living THE LIFE

Yosanugirl : how to have a rich rich rich bf

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : *how to have a bf that loves you

↳ Yosanugirl : I'M sorry but even if I love somebody to DEATH, I don't have the money TO BUY AN HORSE

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Yosano, my one and only, we'll get you an horse and we'll go on a walk

↳ Yosanugirl : don't need your pity

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : will that make you happy ?

↳ Yosanugirl : ......yes

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : then we'll do it

Fyofyo : I'm glad you're happy my dear

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : I'm happy just being with you, you don't have to buy me everything

↳ Fyofyo : we got the space, the money so why don't take advantage of it ?

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : i don't even know what to say except I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH

↳ Golgot : FYODOR I LOVE YOU TOO PLEASE BUY ME

↳ Fyofyo : Buy you ???????

↳ Golgot : No no no not me but I want the advantages of loving you too

↳ Fyofyo : I'll give you a punch and that's it

↳ Golgot : you're mean

<3 liked by Golgot, Gintonic and 429 others

Yn_theoneandonly : love him to death

Golgot : thirdwheeling them for the night is very humbling

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : glad you're self aware

↳ Golgot : I hate you

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : me too don't worry

↳ Golgot : I'M NOT WORRY

↳ Fyofyo : Do not scream on my wife ever again.

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : YOUR WHAT

↳ Golgot : YOUR WHAT

↳ Gintonic : you're twinning

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : GIN DO NOT says something like that

↳ Golgot : twinning with that golddigger ??????

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : A WHAT YOU STUPID CLOWN

↳ Golgot : YOU'RE STEALING MY SPOTLIGHT

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : what spotlight ???? the one in the very very back of fyodor's mind ?

↳ Golgot : I HATE BOTH OF YOU

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : THEN GO AWAY ?????

↳ Fyofyo : Nikolai, you better apologize right now or I swear you won't live another day

↳ Golgot : Fine, I'm sorry Yn for saying you were a golddigger

↳ Yn_theoneandonly : Apologies not accepted

↳ Yosanurgirl : THAT'S MY GIRL

Hey! Hope you liked it ? @cassymassy90000 thank you for the request and I hope I didn't disappoint you haha, I have so much fun writing little "clash", I love Nikolai but in the Fyodor's Insta, I like writing him being a bit jealous, anyway thank you for reading!!

with love <3

[theclowncarer]

Is there a particular brand of wine that I should give my Mime or can I get away with something cheep?

(I know that you should do a ton of research before buying, but the clown distribution system chose me, so I’m just doing my best.)

Of course, before I can give you a recommendation, I have to give my normal warning on clown alcohol. Firstly, very few breeds can digest alcohol. Only give wine to Rodeos or Mimes. Second, drinks like this are a treat. Don't make your clown an alcoholic.

Now, for the actual brand of wine to buy, you can absolutely get almost any wine. I actually prefer a cheap wine, as your clown won't be drinking it often. If you want to splurge a little, I would go for any bottle with a clown label on it.

Thanks for the ask!

[forthegoob]

I can't really ask this on twitter or the reddit bc.. stans 🥴 but what are yalls thoughts about ppl saying they go to places he frequents in hopes of meeting him & saying they're gonna travel to Italy + bought tickets to his award thing to try meeting him (before it was clarified as invite only)? I get that they want to meet their fave celebrity and all but IMO it comes across as stalking and shouldn't be normalized ?

Ugh, twitter and reddit... I love you Tumblr people.

If it's because I wrote that I was going to camp in front of the departures for Italy at CDG airport. Don't worry, I would never have done it 😂

He rarely comes to Europe, so such enthusiasm can be understandable. I would have been the first to want tickets if there was a convention in France or travel (not that far) for him. But only for an event planned to meet him, not in the hope to spot him in the wild

Having Matthew Gray Gubler, Adam Rodriguez and Kristen Vangsness in Europe on December 2024, wasn't on my bingo card btw.

I never thought about the stalking thing tbh. I'm like, "Oh, they are so lucky! When is my turn on MGG hug distribution system ?!" without thinking that maybe the person spent the day hanging around the area just to see him. (Naive me). Now you speak about it, that reminds me of the photos in NY (I think) the one where he wears his vest with clowns on it. There were so many people, for just a guy who takes a coffee and does shopping...

The thing that bugs me the most is photos from far, without consent. (And I'm being a bit of a hypocrite because I shared one or two on this Tumblr.)

[kitteecassee]

so on my titter i saw a very attractive heavily tattooed man with a southern accent who went through the cat distribution system and 🥹

going through the response tweets, found his tok tik and HAD to see more of him so i peeped and i creeped (also update on da little kitten okay SO cute lemme stress)

found a vid of him being like “when you suddenly remember she traveled thousands of miles to see/be with you” aND I WENT 🥹🥹

(also she’s so hOT but anyway side note)

found her tok tik and saw a video she made where she put clown makeup on him (she does lovely clown makeup of herself) and she captioned the video something like “when he’s too hot to look at” and she’s legit covering her face all timidly because she can’t look at the overwhelming hOT but but but the CUTE SHES SO CUTE I-

🥹🥹🥹

my love for couples and just love out there in the world wILL NEVER DIE

[norbezjones]

Behind-The Scenes On Adiel's Room: Part 1

Hey everyone! I wanted to share all of the little details you can find in Adiel's room, because I think it would be fun to discuss. For today, let's discuss everything that's on Adiel's table & shelf! This is going to be a longer post, so here we go!

Let's start with the flowers in the vase!

I knew I wanted to have a vase of flowers in Adiel's room, but when it came to drawing it, there was a problem: I didn't know what kind of flowers were in the backrooms! So I googled it, and came across an interesting one in the backrooms fandom wiki (this is the only object from there btw--the rest are from the official wikidot site) called "Devil's Ambrosia".

There are quite a few interesting things about this backrooms object. First of all, it smells different for everyone who takes in the scent. And second & most importantly, it could actually be a hiveminded entity, as it is responsible for the creation of a different entity on the fandom wiki called "Slashers". I think Adiel is immune to these effects and unaware of the dangers--he probably just thought they were pretty.

Next item! Let's start at the bottom of the shelf and go up from there.

This is a backrooms item known as the BackROM, a game system with multiple strange video games you can play. The specific cartridge is for the game "CLOWNS", which basically causes the player to go unconscious and have a realistic dream about robbing a bank with people wearing clown masks. Sounds like a fun time! And like in the picture of the BackROM on the wiki, the game system is paired with an older television set.

This is a backrooms item that I'm sure everyone is familiar with: almond water! I actually want to go behind-the-scenes with how I designed the canister for it in another post, so stay tuned for that!

If you're not aware, almond water is basically your backbone of survival in the backrooms, as it will help keep you alert, alive, and sane. We're all for almond water in this household!

This item looks pretty self-explanatory--they're just 3D glasses, right? Well, like most backrooms objects, there's an extra layer here to these optical lenses.

They're a backrooms item called 3D Vision Glasses, and basically, when you put them on, your vision goes from being first-person to third-person, seeing the world from external perspective somewhere behind you, like in a video game. I wonder what kind of situations Adiel has used these glasses in?

This backrooms item has the obvious name of "Candy". This orange bag is distributed by the "Backrooms Nonaligned Trade Group" or B.N.T.G., which is basically an offshoot of ex-M.E.G. operatives. The candy bag is a pound, and contains individually-wrapped sweet treats that bestow different abilities or unique properties on whoever eats it. For example, the candy "Braniacs" makes you feel a lot smarter, and the candy "Guys" turns your hand into a working gun. Lots of interesting stuff. I wonder what kind of candy is in Adiel's candy bag.

This camera isn't based on any specific backrooms item. The design is based on an old Polaroid 600, and based on the pictures on the wall (which will be discussed in Part 2 to this post), Adiel's taken quite a few shots with this thing.

Finally, we have the last item, which is called a Spirit Link. Basically, these hats on a Saberzoa (an entity in The Blue Channel) make you see (through the gem on the hat) what emotion the Saberzoa is experiencing, and lets the Saberzoa communicate telepathically. Place the Spirit Link on any other creature, and the effect will be unpredictable. When do you think Adiel visited The Blue Channel?

__________

And that's all of the items! In the next post, I'll go over the photos on Adiel's wall! Look forward to that! C:

[pcbtogo]

How HDI PCBs Are Revolutionizing the Automotive Industry

The automotive industry is undergoing a significant transformation driven by technological advancements, and one key innovation at the forefront of this revolution is High-Density Interconnect (HDI) Printed Circuit Boards (PCBs). In collaboration with PCB-TOGO Electronic, Inc., this article delves into the impact of HDI PCB technology on the automotive sector. From enhancing performance and reliability to enabling miniaturization and design flexibility, HDI PCBs are reshaping the way automotive electronics are developed and integrated. Join us as we explore the benefits, challenges, and real-world applications of HDI PCBs in driving the evolution of automotive systems towards a smarter and more efficient future.

What is HDI PCB Technology?

HDI PCB technology, short for High-Density Interconnect Printed Circuit Board, is like giving your car's electronics a fancy makeover. It's all about cramming more functionality into a smaller space, like a game of automotive Tetris.

Evolution of HDI PCBs in the Automotive Industry

Think of HDI PCBs as the cool kids who've infiltrated the automotive industry. These boards have evolved from being a luxury to a necessity, bringing advanced technology to your car's dashboard and beyond.

Benefits of HDI PCBs in Automotive Applications

Improved Signal Integrity and Electrical Performance

HDI PCBs make sure your car's electronics talk to each other more clearly than your morning coffee talks to your brain. This means fewer glitches and smoother performance on the road.

Enhanced Thermal Management and Efficiency

With HDI PCBs, your car's electronics stay cooler than a cucumber in a snowstorm. Better thermal management means your tech gadgets in the car are less likely to overheat, keeping things running smoothly.

Cost Savings and Time-to-Market Advantages

HDI PCBs not only make your car smarter but also save manufacturers time and money. It's like getting a high-tech upgrade without breaking the bank, and your new car model hits the market faster than you can say "vroom."

Improved Performance and Reliability with HDI PCBs

High-Density Interconnects for Enhanced Functionality

HDI PCBs are like the secret sauce that gives your car's electronics an extra kick. They provide more connection points in a smaller space, making your car's tech features shine brighter than a shooting star.

Reliability Testing and Quality Assurance

HDI PCBs undergo more testing than your patience in rush hour traffic. This means your car's electronics are built to last, with quality assurance measures that ensure your tech gadgets stay reliable for the long haul.

Miniaturization and Space Saving in Automotive Electronics

Small Form Factor Components and Layout Optimization

HDI PCBs are the wizards of miniaturization, making your car's tech components smaller than a flea on a chihuahua. They optimize layouts to fit more features in less space, giving your car a tech-savvy makeover.

Integration of Advanced Features in Compact Designs

Thanks to HDI PCBs, your car can now do more tricks than a circus clown in a Mini Cooper. Advanced features are seamlessly integrated into compact designs, making your ride a high-tech marvel without the bulk.

Enhanced Design Flexibility with HDI Technology

When it comes to designing complex automotive systems, HDI PCBs offer unparalleled flexibility. With High-Density Interconnect technology, designers have more freedom to create intricate layouts and pack more functionality into smaller spaces. This advancement allows for more efficient designs and improved performance in modern vehicles.

Design Considerations for Complex Automotive Systems

In the automotive industry, where space is limited and reliability is crucial, the use of HDI PCBs opens up exciting possibilities. Designers must consider factors such as signal integrity, power distribution, thermal management, and vibration resistance when implementing HDI technology in vehicles. By carefully addressing these considerations, they can optimize the performance and longevity of automotive systems.

Customization and Tailoring for Specific Automotive Applications

One of the key benefits of HDI PCBs is their ability to be customized for specific automotive applications. Whether it's for advanced driver assistance systems, infotainment units, or powertrain components, HDI technology allows for tailored designs that meet the unique requirements of each application. This customization helps manufacturers deliver innovative solutions that enhance vehicle performance and user experience.

Challenges and Considerations in Adopting HDI PCBs in the Automotive Industry

While HDI PCBs offer significant advantages, there are also challenges to consider when adopting this technology in the automotive sector.

Cost Considerations and Return on Investment

One of the primary challenges in adopting HDI PCBs is the initial cost. High-Density Interconnect technology can be more expensive than traditional PCBs, so manufacturers must carefully evaluate the return on investment. However, the long-term benefits, such as improved performance, reliability, and space savings, often outweigh the upfront costs, making HDI PCBs a worthwhile investment in the automotive industry.

Integration Challenges and Compatibility with Existing Systems

Integrating HDI PCBs into existing automotive systems can pose compatibility challenges. Designers must ensure that new HDI boards are compatible with legacy systems and interfaces to avoid disruptions in functionality. Additionally, proper testing and validation procedures are essential to guarantee seamless integration and reliable performance in the field.

Application of HDI PCBs in Advanced Driver Assistance Systems (ADAS)

The implementation of HDI PCBs in Advanced Driver Assistance Systems has revolutionized vehicle safety and automation. By enabling compact designs with high signal integrity, HDI technology enhances the performance of ADAS functionalities such as collision avoidance, lane departure warning, and adaptive cruise control, making driving safer and more convenient.

Impact of HDI Technology on Electric Vehicle (EV) Performance

Electric vehicles rely on advanced electronics for power management, propulsion, and connectivity. HDI PCBs play a crucial role in enhancing the performance and efficiency of EV systems by enabling high-density designs, optimized power distribution, and reliable signal transmission. The integration of HDI technology in electric vehicles contributes to improved range, faster charging times, and overall sustainability in the automotive sector.

As the automotive industry embraces the capabilities of HDI PCB technology, the possibilities for innovation and advancement seem boundless. With continued collaboration between electronic manufacturers like PCB-TOGO Electronic, Inc. and automotive developers, the synergy of cutting-edge technology and industry expertise promises a future where vehicles are safer, more efficient, and smarter than ever before. The journey towards revolutionizing the automotive industry with HDI PCBs is only just beginning, and the road ahead holds exciting prospects for driving sustainable progress and excellence in automotive electronics.

Original Sources: https://pcbtogo.wordpress.com/2024/06/12/how-hdi-pcbs-are-revolutionizing-the-automotive-industry/

[ramenheim]

^^Lmao this clown doesn't understand how movie ratings work!!^^

A dvd store couldn't sell pornography under a white slip with no RATING and go "It's a surprise!! Could be anything, uwu~!" and distribute it to anyone who asks about it. If Ao3 gave a shit about "hiding spoilers" from readers who want to go in blind, they'd implement the clickthrough spoiler blackout feature that has been a STAPLE in all other online forums for OVER A DECADE NOW.

If that dvd slip could contain Cannibal Holocaust OR Akira OR Titanic OR Baby Einstein; then it's a shitty rental system that INCENTIVIZES ppl not to participate/interact with the work you've ostensibly published in an effort to GET ppl to read it(/comment on it/share it/give feedback/etc.) And yet despite knowing that Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings nets less results for your INTENDED audience & thus less 'positive social feedback', there are STILL authors who whine + complain abt the POPULARITY of their works, as if this wasn't a self-inflicted problem on their part for not understanding that ao3 isn't some small bedroom bookclub regardless of who posts their works there (hint: they're posted there BC it has more public reach than a personally hosted website of their own fics). If you don't want anybody to EVER tell you abt negative feedback just turn off comments on your fics. Free Speech in a Public Forum includes both surprise rapefic AND ppl saying they don't like it when ppl drop surprise rapefic on them.

Real World movie festivals ALSO include content warnings to better direct public festival goers; the only time you'd ACTUALLY find a poorly marked dvd is if it were a personal BURNT COPY of the movie (or you got scammed into paying for a scalped copy)-- you don't need to classify the fics you never post for public consumption; but if you don't even make the bare minimum effort to tell ppl WHAT your story is about, why should they bother reading it? If you won't use tags to curate the audience YOU WANT to see your work, you don't get to complain that ppl who AREN'T YOUR INTENDED AUDIENCE that stumble into it blind have negative feedback & leave with a negative social impression of you; people are allowed to DIS-like things and talk abt why & have that not be taken as some targeted personal attack against a random stranger's Ego.

Being seen as an Asshole by others whose wants/needs you treat inconsiderately is Literally What Being An Asshole Means. Stop acting like you've been personally condemned to hell for being called an asshole online for not tagging your rape fic as being such & then getting in your feelings abt ppl who said 'hey why didn't you say it was gonna have rape in it??' as their genuine feedback on your work. "Valuing Your Pride+Joy over Strangers Online" is gonna come off as an assholish way to treat ppl in your community spaces; You are also a Stranger Online. If you want only an echochamber of positive feedback, then curate your audience better & Tag Your Shit Accordingly.

And if spoilers are STILL a huge deal to you??? Tell otw to hire an actual programmer to fucking implement the decades old solution to the problem-- Spoiler Clickthroughs --instead of hoarding money every year & pretending that their hands are too tied & it's "too complicated" to do any site improvement ever.

AITA For Not Tagging a Work?

I, 32F, write primarily for my own enjoyment, my main platform being AO3. I currently have a multi-chaoter series that includes several major plot twists, including one that includes non-con. To avoid spoiling it, because I believe my stories deserve to be read with as little background info as possible, I only tag it as "Creator CHOSE not to Include Archive Warnings". Which is, as I hope is obvious, is not synonymous with "There Are No Warnings". The point is, I don't use the Rape/Non-con tag. Recently, I got a very upset reader in my comments complaining about how triggering that chapter of my work is, and that's where I have a problem. I believe the corporate obsession content warnings pervading even fanworks to be a major problem. I don't want to sanitize my work, but I do get that they contain pretty heavy themes. But I feel like I seriously do give my stories a disservice by adding labels on them, and maybe I am the asshole for this, but I value my pride and joy (my work) over strangers online. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ask-de-writer]

IMMORTALITY? A Grumpy Goat *tail* (Part 3 of 3) : MLP Fan Fiction

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

Return to The Annals of Grumpy Goat

IMMORTALITY?

A Grumpy Goat *tail* (Part 3 of 3)

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

© 2014 by Glen Ten-Eyck

7865 words

All rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions. I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.

///////////////////////

Attempting to ring the church's bell had caused a swarm of hornets nested in the steeple to dive into the congregation.  The resulting panic left several unconscious ponies near trampled in the church.  They alone had no stings!

Sawnax got a big spread of pictures by himself.  Fleeing with the rest of the congregation, he got stung twenty or more times on forelegs and neck.  The mobility cart ramp was too steep and he lost control, careening through a hedge laced with poison oak and poison ivy, he hit a family on their way to a picnic in the park and overset, banging up his good hind leg in the process.

The family was not hurt, beyond a few bruises, but their picnic basket and contents were ruined.  Among the pictures were some of the fallen Sawnax rummaging the wrecked basket and scarfing sandwiches.

The entire collection of Celestian priests got out without a sting.  They fled through a back door, overgrown with the new ivy.  Poison ivy, that is.  They might as well have painted themselves with the itch causing, blister raising, oils.

To cap the disaster, some ponies working in the church kitchen fled and left a stove burning.  The resulting fire was a Special Procedures 23 - Toxic smoke requiring evacuation and decontamination of the downwind area.

As Romaine observed, in print, it was not as bad as the Ponyville Elementary School disaster of years ago, which Sawnax was also involved in. *(for details read Caramel Treat's Lunch!)*

We kept finding more and more to giggle over as we read Romaine's excellent prose.  She got almost the entire Special Edition because she “just happened to be on the scene as the disaster unfolded.”  With her camera!

As a side note, the fire spread through all of the ornamental shrubbery and the up the walls of all the Celestian buildings.  All of the poison oak and poison ivy infestation was burned out, along with destroying all of the structures involved.

Clarence and I gave a High Hoof to each other!  Frankly, it went even better than we had hoped.  Not one pony killed or even seriously injured but LOTS OF PAIN in lots of butts, and elsewhere, of course.

We both gave Coalsmoke a hug of congratulations.  Her enthusiastic return hugs made the whole enterprise worthwhile.

The next day, we were sitting out in the sun, looking over the Ponyville Books and More listings to pick out our next Daring Do book.

We could hear them even before we saw them.  It was a regular parade coming up the trail.  Coalsmoke grinned as she caught sight of them.  She offered, “Grumpy, you should get that trail paved!  I would bet that Clarence could give you a special deal on good intentions to do it with!”

To make things perfectly weird, the leader of the parade was not using the trail.  Derpy was flying, low and slow, so that the others could follow.  She landed on the ledge without hesitation and carefully opened her mail pouch. Ceremoniously she handed me a letter.  The envelope had a well known seal.  Almost every pony or horse in Equestria has seen it.  Darn few have seen or handled an ORIGINAL ROYAL SEAL of the Twin Thrones of Equestria.

I did not have time to open it just then.

The clowns arrived to put on their show!  

Celestian High Priest Hortimer was almost unrecognizable under the mass of bandages and itch relief creme.  The remainder of the priesthood were too.  It was obvious that the treatment was not helping all that much.  Which suited me right down to the ground.

There was Sawnax in his mobility cart, being pushed by two husky ponies.  He had a cast on one hind leg and thick bandages on the other.  His rump was swollen and covered with plasters where boils had been drained.  Both forelegs and his neck were covered with the lumps of hornet stings.  Covering almost all of stings and swellings were the rashes and running sores of the poison oak and poison ivy.

There was another group in formal mourning attire.  They were accompanied by Mortimer “Mortician” Mollycoddle, D.E.L. (Doctor of Equestrian Law), who was looking sour.

The one who seemed out of place was wearing the uniform of the Ponyville Fire Department.

The act was led off by Hortimer demanding, “You must heal us of this vile result of your Necromancy!  Your evil burned down our church!”

“Hortimer, ol pony!  Necromancy is against the Law!  Magic, in general, is not.  Be clear.  How could I cast any spell against you?  A Pure and Honest Heart is absolute protection from  all the influences of the Evil One.  As if evil has some one simple spring outside of themselves and ponies are innocent of harboring rot in their minds.

“You are a personal and perfect refutation of your own claim.”

Hortimer gesticulated at his fellow priests. “We are grievously afflicted by your evil magics and Necromancies!”

My fleshless skull, which should have been expressionless managed to convey complete confusion.  “What evil magic, Horty, ol pony?  You knew that your church was infested with poison oak and poison ivy.  Every reader of the Prancer knows it too.  The news went public on Nightmare Night.

“You and your fellow con artists ran through a known hazard and got a case of poison oak. That is your definition of evil magic and necromancy?  You do a stupid thing and therefore it is some EVIL GOAT'S fault?  Wow.”

As I was shaking my head, I noticed that we had company.  Just down the hill, Romaine was snapping away with her camera and taking notes.  Clarence managed to utterly fail at looking innocent.

The stallion in the PFD uniform spoke up, handing me a document as he did so, “Grumpy Goat, Sir, the Battalion Chief wanted you to have this to defend yourself from baseless charges like the ones just made.  This is the formal investigation report on the fire and surrounding events.

“The entire thing, including their rashes, was caused by their negligence.  The details, including all of the ordinances relating to publicly accessible buildings that were violated is here.”

Hortimer looked horrified.  “How could you say that this disaster is our fault?  We were victims! Just look at us!”

Coalsmoke said acidly, “Look at you?  Why?  You have always been so ugly that the bandages are an improvement!  And you are still ugly!”

That brought a reaction from one of the group in mourning clothes.  “You and that damned goat murdered my dad!”  He was pointing dramatically.  He waved a copy of Coalsmoke's contract with me and yelled, “Here is the proof! Dad found this and made a secret copy!”

Coalsmoke looked utterly pained as she replied, “How is that proof of anything?  Secret copy?  Just go to the Ponyville Hall of Records in the City Hall.  There is a publicly registered copy there for anyone to look up.  Grumpy's Contracts are ALL publicly registered.”

I was even more surprised when Mort spoke up.  “I do represent the heirs of Clyde S. Dale, but this part of the case is baseless and I have so advised them.  You are correct.  They are due a substantial sum from his will.”

Coalsmoke nodded emphatically. “They are.  They are getting over half of it.  The insurances were formally changed to my name and they knew it.  I have copies of the acknowledgements.”

Mort nodded.  ”I am aware of the issues.  I have advised them not to sue on the insurances.  Their waivers are clear.”

One of the ones in phony mourning demanded, “Whose side are you on?  We hired you!”

Mort, imperturbably replied, “Yours.  Coalsmoke is an expert at these things.  I have examined your case and hers.  She is taking care of you through the will.  She has made no effort to cut you out.

“This will come as no surprise to you, but Mister Dale was terminally ill, with a failing heart. His sudden death was probably a mercy.”

“So, dad was dying, we all knew that!  We takes all that insurance money that she is stealing from us!  She done nothing for it!”

Mort told him bluntly, “I have told you that I am on your side.  This advice is as direct as it can be.  If you try to sue her, you will waste what you are going to get from the will and wind up owing her a large indemnity.  That is a simple fact.”  

I was taken aback.  Mort the Mortician was an HONEST LAWYER?  The world was capsizing!

That was when Sawnax spoke up in a pitiable tone, “That there stuff is all well and good, but what about me?  I gots the same rashes and all that Hortimer and the other priests got and was stung besides!  I got TWO bad hind legs now, too!

“I thunk you said that I could do whatever I done before.  I done break my leg trying.  Then they was the boils.  I gets that took care of but they still hurts until they heals!

“I is in a lot of pain!”

I knelt in front of the mobility cart to face him eye to eye socket.  “You dictated most of what is in the contract, Sawnax.  You wanted to live a very long life.  You wanted your mind to stay sharp.  You wanted to be able to do and enjoy what you could at the time that we signed.”

I sighed.  “You are getting all of that.  Immortal is NOT invulnerable.  It has one advantage in this case.  When you heal, you will be just like when you started.  It will just take time.  Sadly, one of the things that you enjoyed was and is swiping lunches and otherwise cheating.  Banged up, dazed and dumped out of that cart, you found sandwiches that were not yours. Scarfed them up, too.

“All inside the contract.”

He turned misery laden eyes to me and asked, “What can I do abouts this?  It ain't none of it workin' out like I thought.

“It hurts.”

Said it before.  I am honest. Evil but honest.  He did actually ask for advice. “You only have three things that you can do here, Sawnax.

“First, you can simply let the contract run.  If you do, you will have the least trouble if you do your level best to be a good pony, living a good and honest life. You will have good times and bad.  That's life.  A long one.

“Second, you can simply repudiate the contract and take the lifespan that you are given, free to do or be whatever you want.  You will probably live longer if you follow the advice of your doctors.  You lose your money paid but that is all.

“Third, you can commit suicide. You still lose your money but you are out of the whole suffering thing.  

“Experience talking here, immortality is not all fun and games.”

He nodded and said softly, “I needs to think.”

I simply backed away.  As I did, I saw the pony in the PFD uniform talking to Hortimer.  He had a paper.  When I heard, “But surely, as a church, we are exempt!”

The PFD pony politely replied, “I am afraid not, Sir.  You maintained a nuisance and failed to either report it or let the city know what efforts you were taking to eradicate the nuisance.

“Under both ordinance and Kingdom law that makes you responsible for all costs connected to it. We have decontamination efforts under way at seven residences and five businesses that were downwind and contaminated by the smoke from the burning poisonous plants.”

Hortimer pointed dramatically at me and exclaimed, “He must pay it!  He cursed us with those diabolical plants!  It is his fault!”

“Me?  You mean that if cash is on the line, I am mightier than the Goddess that you worship?”

“Do not blaspheme!  Of course Celestia's Power is greater than your mere diabolic dabbling!”

I laughed as he was trapped by his own reflexive arguments.  “So, it is your responsibility after all!  Celestia must be gravely disappointed in you for trying to shift the blame!”

His horrified expression was almost reward enough.  Almost.  I had to add it.  “You did not need me to clear up the poison oak and poison ivy after all!  Celestia's Holy Fire has removed it all!”

That did it.  Delightful.

Sawnax said, “That was sharp, Mister Grumpy.  I probably gots no right to ask it but if I repudiates the contract, would you do me one favor?  You is getting to keep a lot of gold.”

“What favor is that, Sawnax?”

“Can you, like, speed up my healing some?  This is a real misery.”

“I can do that, Sawnax, but I will lay a heavy one on you for it.  You must stay honest and not cheat anypony, horse or goat until you are healed.”

Clarence had his wings up and his teeth were chattering as he giggled.

Derpy tugged at my foreleg. “Mister Grumpy, about the letter, will there be a reply?  It is post paid by their   Highnesses.”

With Clarence, the Litch King and Coalsmoke looking over my shoulder I opened the letter.

“To Grumpy Goat:  Hail and well met!

We, your Princesses, have heard rumor of you practicing unlawful Necromancy.  We have looked deeply into the matter and have found no evidence of such criminal activity. The casting of Glamors and other such magics is perfectly legal.

Further, we have found that you have honestly registered all of your contracts, which appear to be in the form of bets that certain events will happen within set time frames.  You hold the stakes and, if you win, keep the coin.

It is a remarkable coincidence that ALL of your contracted events have happened as spelled out. Always through some routine or other natural means.

With your consent, we should like to visit your cave to discuss a few such “bets.”

Yours, Celestia   Yours, Luna.

As Derpy flew away with my reply, Clarence and Coalsmoke both suffered major giggles.

~THE END~

<==PREVIOUS

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

Return to The Annals of Grumpy Goat

[apartment-clown-husbandry]

How to feed an apartment clown!

Diet

Diet, as always is the most important part a feeding a clown. Researching the appropriate diet for your species of clown is needed no matter the size of your space! Some clowns might require a vendor or a cotton machine which can take up lots of space! Others rely on smaller, but frequent bowls of candy, chocolates, and other sweets. This type of clown is more preferred for an apartment setting, as the feed and prep space needed is smaller. Select a breed whose feed can be stored and prepped in an smaller area.

Size

The size of your clown breed is an essential part of apartment clown ownership! Bigger sizes may need more feed, or things such as vendors and machines to make them feel at home! Midway clowns often need vendors and are not at all accustom to tiny, restricted apartment life. Party clowns often need vendors or cotton machines as well as regular candy! Smaller breeds such as the teacup breed, porcelain breed are more suited for apartment living. For smaller other clown breeds, for example smaller jesters or circus clowns (this isnt a complete list and will be explained in a later post) they still require appropriate space for feeding. Clowns should not be eating out of dog bowls unless they are a dog-clown or other animal mixes! Not only is it uncomfortable, clowns aren’t meant to eat like that, and the bigger their face is the harder it is to eat out of a bowl! It saves on space, but is a clear sign of clown neglect. Use clown feeders instead, they are standup and can be equipped with a timing system best for your breed of clown. Additionally, bowls of clown feed should be distributed around the house for clown breeds that need more to sustain themselves. Remember, One clown feeder per clown! Overcrowding of clowns, especially of different breeds can cause fighting!

Enrichment needs

Getting a feeder is a way to sustain regular hunger in your clown, and can help you feed your clown when you are not able to (during nighttime, work hours, etc) but it should not be the only way you feed your clown! Treats should be used as enrichment, try hiding some candies in a ballpit, teaching your clown tricks with the candies, or placing them around the house. Reading about what your breed of clown enjoys to do can really help with using food as enrichment. Small jesters and circus clowns might enjoy having their treats be rewarded from tricks, mimes might prefer taking the candy from you, scare clowns might like if you hide candies for them to find. Try figuring out your breeds daily enjoyment and involving their feed!

Disclaimer! Not all breeds are suitable for apartment living, providing for the basic needs of your clown is not enough. Research on your clown breed is mandatory!

[silent-calling]

You're such a fucking clown they painted your face on an egg.

The tendency of resources to accumulate in the least number of places is practically a natural law. It's so prevalent it's demonstrated in gas vapors in a vacuum.

It's not a problem of a particular economic system, it's a common factor among them all, and one no system has completely alleviated - but of all the systems tried thus far, western capitalism has come the farthest at remedying the issue without massive amounts of bloodshed.

The poor and starving are present everywhere, at all times. The poor in the modern west are extravagantly rich compared to the poor literally anywhere and anywhen else. Your bitching about capitalism not having a perfect solution to the universal problem in the pareto distribution without any proposition (especially one that hasn't been tried) shows you don't love the poor, you hate the rich, and all ideologues fueled by hatred should be denied any form of power, lest they begin butchering people by the masses all over again like Lenin and his party did this time last century.

[sailormoonsub]

Now I want a paper or at least a live tweet from you on bug’s life

@thevvking Because this request appears in my inbox multiple times I don’t feel bad about taking up space on everyone’s TL to write about it. I watched this movie a LOT in my formative years [1998-2000] so it has seeped into my subconscious and lived in my mind rent free for 20 years. Whether it’s actually a good film is up for debate but that’s independent of the fact that I find it important. And communist.

I mean, I guess if you wanna talk about this movie, you have to talk about how it was inspired by The Ant and the Grasshopper, the Aesop fable. In a sentence: the grasshopper wastes all his time partying the ant works hard to store food and build shelter, so when winter comes around, the grasshopper is Shamed for Failing to Think Ahead. Whether he is merely humbled or is left out to die depends on the version you’re reading. Anyway it’s about how being boring is way better than getting lit.

A Bug’s Life takes this concept of the hardworking ant and the lazy grasshopper, but superimposes a power dynamic: the grasshoppers are physically stronger than ants, and they can leverage that power in the form of performative threats. Every now and then, they rough up an ant or destroy some infrastructure just to remind the ants what could happen if they don’t appease the grasshoppers. AGAB. That’s how they get food without working for it: exploiting the ones who produce it.

The ants work twice as hard to get enough food for themselves and their oppressors. Obviously, this system is Bad™ for the ants but they continue to participate in it because they are not immune to fear. There’s no rules besides life and death. Under this current system, they at least get some food and not murdered. They are constantly reminded: it could be worse.

Flik the protagonist ant believes that he needs to hire a force equally as threatening (like, a squad of cops that are on HIS side). So he tries to DO that but he accidentally hires a bunch of CLOWNS instead of HITMEN. He just ended up with more members of the oppressed class to take care of.

But! What this circus brings is a spark of ~creativity.~ They don’t need brute force to defeat the grasshoppers. They can leverage the exact same weapon that the grasshoppers have: FEAR. They plan to build a vague silhouette of a bird out of leaves and sticks– nothing that will hold up to close scrutiny, but enough of a warning to keep them in line. Just like the grasshoppers used empty threats and fear tactics to enforce their world order, the ants plan to use a hollow empty bird to get what they want.

I can’t help but read the bird as something religious, in a "what is a king to a god?" kind of way. The ants believe only way to meaningfully threaten the ruling class is from above; the grasshoppers will back down if they think something supernatural, cosmic, sublime in the capital-R-Romantic sense is coming for their asses.

The bird plan falls apart (literally) but, by now, they don’t need it. The ants quite literally seize the means of production. You can watch them unionize on screen.

The exploited workers all simultaneously register that they don’t owe the ruling class shit. They get pissed off and link their arms in an intimidating way that makes you remember that strength is not in power, but in numbers.

And then– a miracle from on high– the bird, that supernatural force that the ants were only pretending to invoke, shows up for real. The leader of the grasshoppers gets fed to a real-life bird. Literally, eat the rich. This, I think, it less "marxist allegory" and more "desired metaphysics of injustice." It’s nice to believe that even the universe itself is ultimately on your side in the long run, isn’t it? God said unionizing is inherently good and right and virtuous. Karma allows our heroes to walk away without blood on their hands. Though they could have saved a lot of time if Flik invented a bug-size guillotine!

At the end the ants throw a sick-ass party to celebrate no longer being indebted to an upper class they owe nothing to and owning 100% of the products of their own labor.

This is just the political/economic implications– I didn’t even get into the Luddite ant society or trans icon Frances. Join me next time when I talk about how Rainbow Fish is an allegory for wealth distribution.

"pretend it’s the proletariat"

"it’s a bug circus"

"I know it’s a bug circus but pretend it’s about the proletariat"

"so this bug circus… is going to defeat capitalism by siccing a bird on jeff bezos"

"you gotta work with me here"

[femessay]

Hot take/essay/trying to word my thoughts

Boys & humor

Boys and men globally endorse the virtue of being funny. I think we can pretty much all agree on that. From class clown to daddy's jokes to males monopolizing the comedic stage and entertainment to the boys being the funny in the group, it's an established and accepted part of the social roles distribution. Yet why is it so many Women agree that, while they laugh at boys' everyday comedy, the deep/dark/fucked up and most blissful fun happens within their female sphere ? I once read a---IQ article explaining that Women don't joke because their biological makeup of child-bearing maintains them in state of seriousness, and the uterus-deprived men are rooted to laugh and jest. I have a couple theories of my own.

1- Women are expected to uphold their external image more than anything else, it is the primary instinct implanted by our gendered up-bringing. Does it mean every female's obsessed with being lady-like 24/24 ? no, simply that they're subconsciouly super-aware of how pleasing they are to look upon, how their sense of fashion accurately translates their mindset/ideologies, etc. The ability to spontaneously not care about our image and do/say whatever comes to mind is simply a privilege that we don't have.

2- Any boy can be funny by temporarily impersonating femininity. Simple, infallible. Jokingly speaking with a higher intonation works no matter what comes out. The quintessence of this phenomenon are DragQueens.

3- The age long expectation for men to be strong, austere and unemotionnal. Although an outdated concept it subsists in the collective subconscious and morale: this concept grants men a much larger ground for comedic rule-breaking. Self-caricaturing is easy as f*ck for them, it suffices to do something that clashes with constructed virility: that simply cannot work for Women. What standard to break ? We're EXPECTED to be weak, clumsy and mannered, it's not gonna make anyone laugh for us to act that way.

A Woman could do the absolute same joke a man enterprises, speak in the same speech, tone, rythm, move the same, it just won't work. No because she's not as funny as him, but because she's perceived as a Woman.

4- All of those reasons are why men have the monopole on mainstream humor (everyday life, mainstream medias and entertainment). In the GENERAL system Women are the gate-keepers of the profound, code-breaking, defiant funny.

[scifi-music]

A virus that infected all music

G Hi Everybody, your one and only Greg Zeroin is here again. Today, I will bring you a story that will hit you like a ton of bricks. A scientist sits in my studio right now. We cannot even reveal the real name or the affiliation of my guest, right? So let us call him Dr. Stratton, okay?

S I certainly appreciate the confidentiality right now.

G So, Dr. Stratton could you tell us a couple of words about the problem you and your team were working on when that incident happened.

S Gladly. How do I begin? Me and my team, we’re neuroscientists and software engineers working on understanding and perhaps modifying the workings of the human mind. To make it a little more efficient. More flexible, more resilient and more intelligent. Our main interest is something that we call “deep neural processing”.

G Dr. Stratton, you need to educate us on these matters.

S Yes, yes. You know the human mind is a very complex system and under the right kind of circumstances it can be attentive of something in a rather superfluous way on the surface, while, at the same time it can be busy with something rather devotedly. And under these special circumstances we could say, just having fun, relax or engage in some careless and effortless activity, such as partying or listening to say, popular music and we may not even be aware that in the depth of our minds we’re in serious business, dealing with serious problems, learning new skills or taking in complex information about something.

G This already sounds rather science-fiction to me. Are you telling us that we can learn quantum mechanics while sipping cocktails by the pool? Solving math problems while dancing and fooling around with our friends all day?

S Well, hehe, something like that, yes. Now, you have to understand that our research is not yet in the implementation phase, we are looking at good examples and settings in which we can study these circumstances and understand how to bring them about.

G So what is a good example by which you study this phenomenon?

S Well, we have tried many scenarios without much success. Everyone on my team love music, and most of us play instruments as well. So, one day, as we were fuming about popular music...

G You don’t like pop music?

S Well, we don’t and that’s to put it mildly. Look, we have classical music, jazz, progressive rock and a bunch of other immensely interesting styles and an endless stream of goodness. A whole universe of first class creative and imaginative works. Yet, contemporary composers of this type are struggling to get noticed. At the same time auto tuned clowns imitate singing over some canned beat using the same four chord progressions and THAT sucks up nearly all the bandwidth on streaming services and also in the minds of young people. You know, I think we deserve more.

G People will listen to whatever feels okay to them. Do you see that as a problem?

S Well no… and yes. You see, in the last decade, when streaming services took over music distribution, we thought it was going to get better as people will have access to a much larger pool of music to choose from. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Profit hungry algorithms took over the job of people discussing and recommending things. A pyramid scheme of the worst kind took over music distribution. Anyway, long story short, things got worse, and with my team, we regularly discussed these matters and at some point, we started actively thinking about maybe doing something about it.

G To do something about… what exactly?

S It was just an idea at first. What if we could get people to listen to one kind of music on the surface and another music in the depths of their mind at the same time?

G Listening to two music at the same time?

S Yes, but the person would be aware of only one of them. Because the other music is superimposed on the soundwaves of the one that gets into their awareness. You know, music is basically frequencies, intensities and complexities. And we can relatively easily pack all that across and beyond the audible spectrum. That’s the easy part. The trick is to embed the hidden music in such a way that it will trigger deep neural processing reliably. If done the right way, then the person will think that they are listening to Justin Bieber or Ed Seheran…

G Sheeran.

S That’s right, my apologies. So, folks will experience, for all they can say, these pop tunes but in their minds are all busy with taking in Rachmaninoff, Scriabin, Coltrain or Braxton. And in a way that will enrich their connection to music in meaningful ways to the degree that eventually they will start looking actively for something like that, when they select what to listen to.

G Wow. It's like a kind of secret involuntary ear sharpening music education. But... is such a thing even possible?

S Yes, it is. Our initial results were very promising. For the people we tested it worked as expected. But as I said, we were in the early stages of development and we needed to run tests on as many people as we could. And then the covid pandemic hit the world and we quickly ran out of participants. We were way too excited about this project, we were so desperate to move on. So… we figured we could use a playlist on one of the major streaming services. Just one playlist that we loaded with some of these prepared tracks. We wanted to reach people from afar, so they don’t have to come to our laboratories. They can listen to that playlist from the comfort of their own home and we sent them a little device, a wearable measurement tool that would monitor their deep neural processing.

G This all sounds very interesting. But it is difficult not to notice some resentment in your voice. What happened?

S Well, we're still trying to get a hold on the situation. A young engineer in our team got a little too ambitious. She... ehrm..wanted to save some time and she wrote a computer macro in order to prepare all the songs in the playlist automatically. Let me get this straight. So, there’s the playlist with all these stupid pop songs.

G Excuse me?

S Apologies, this is just how we call them in the lab. For deep neural processing, she selected a piece of music. Just a piece that she wanted to use in the first round of remote experiments.

G What was that piece?

S Well it has no significance now, but okay, it was a piece from an obscure Hungarian composer, Palatinus. Huginn and Muninn was the title. You know, these are the names of those ravens in Norse mythology. These birds, you know, they serve Odin as eyes and ears and they can get everywhere in the world in one day… Anyway, instead of superimposing this piece of music onto every pop song on the playlist one by one, she wrote a macro that did it for her. You know, automatically.

G Okay?

S However, she forgot to make sure that the macro stops when it’s done with all the songs. As the first person started streaming from our playlist the macro got out to their other playlists and by the end of the day it infected all servers. To make it worse, the next day we detected the superimposed piece on other services too.

G Are you saying that…

S Yes.

G Every service? How many songs got superimposed with Huginn and Muninn?

S Well it is hard to say it for sure, you know, but it is safe to say that practically all of them.

G All songs?

S All songs on every major streaming service.

G Sweet. Jesus. So, while it was there, embedded, no matter what song people were listening to, they were deep-neural-processing this piece of music from this guy they never even heard of?

S Correct.

G So how long has this craziness lasted? And how did you get it off, I mean I assume you got it off somehow, right?

S Well... to tell you the truth…we... ehrm..

G Dr. Stratton, please don’t tell me that it’s still there. Please don’t tell me that… as a result of your godforsaken involuntary music education experiment, from now on anyone who tries to listen to anything on any service will deep-process Huginn and Muninn until the end of times!

S No, we did something to remedy the situation.

G My goodness, what did you do to remedy the situation?

S We could not get the modification off just like that. It got into the data structure of the songs too deeply. What we could do was masking its effect by superimposing something else instead. And, to be honest, by that time we were worried about the moral issues involved in all this involuntary music education thing too. Finally, we had the rebuilt macro to assign songs randomly to one another.

G Wha.. what do you mean? There’s no Huginn and Muninn embedded anymore to be deeply processed but is there something instead? A random song?

S Yes.

G Wait, so, right now, if I open Spotify or Deezer, or Tidal and listen to a song I will deep process some other song in the back of my mind?

S I am afraid, yes you will.

G And God only knows what music will be deep processed? ZZ Top, Ella Fitzgerald or Rudolf the red nose reindeer? Or Huginn and Muninn? Or even the exact song that I wanted to play?

S Well, there will be something embedded. And yes, there’s a non-zero chance that it will be any one of the songs you just mentioned. Except for the last one. The macro will not allow for a song to be embedded onto itself. Obviously, that was our first idea to solve the problem but a lot of people get severe headaches from that. It has to be something else.

G I am speechless. Dr Stratton, do you understand how embarrassing this little game of yours turned out for all of us? You had a rather questionable research idea and it got out of hand way before we had a chance to approve anything about it, and things just went downhill from there...

S Yes, Greg, I do understand the situation and I take full responsibility for everything that happened. I assure you that we have not finished with trying to return to how things were before. But while we’re at it, couldn’t you just relax and enjoy the certainty of getting exposed to a whole new range of music in a deep, meaningful way. I know, the unexpected happened but there’s a chance that it still has some beneficial effects on the population.

G Dr. Stratton, please tell me something. Are you sure that your marco, or shall I call it virus, assigns songs to be embedded in a truly random fashion? Or did you build in some kind of bias towards, you know, music that, according to your standards, is more worthy of young people’s attention?

S Look, Greg, that’s a wonderful idea. Not only the youth, but people of any age would most likely benefit from such a bias. You should come over to have a coffee with the team. We can always use talented people with interesting ideas.

G Well, thanks for the invitation, I may take you upon that one of these days Doc. But in the meantime, make sure you delete all your macros and gizmos from our music, alright?

S We’re on it, Greg.

G Ladies and gents, Dr. Stratton, the mad scientist that got a little too much of that mad science in our ears.

[trivialtrivia]

Clown distribution system at work.

Hey clownblr, I need some advice.

About three weeks ago, some clown showed up in my neighborhood. I didn't think too much of it at first and assumed a neighbor was just letting him roam around on his own, but he started to look worse off as days went on. I asked around, and the lady a couple houses down said she saw him get pushed out of a moving car one morning before sunrise. A few of us started trying to help him out.

We can't figure out what type of clown he is. At first we assumed he was a mime based on his quiet nature, exaggerated movements, and muted color pallet, but one neighbor tried leaving different types of meats out for him, but he either didn't touch them or barely nibbled them. He seemed more interested in the apple I left out for him, and one morning I caught him picking through my tomato plants (I let him continue). We now think he may be some sort of jester based on the shape of his outfit, food choices, and some of his behaviors, but is it possible for him to be some mix? Are jesters usually quiet and with dull colors?

About a week ago, the first freeze came early this year. I saw him pacing around the street with exaggerated shivering and teeth chattering, so I lured him inside with a rustic bread roll. So now he's been staying here for the last week. He doesn't show any desire to leave. He seems happy to follow me around and play an imaginary lute all day. I've been cooking from my Elder Scrolls cookbook, and he seems to really enjoy it. But we're a vegan household, so is vegan medieval fantasy food enough? I've let him have a beer every now and then, but will he need mead if he's part jester? And how should he sleep? I tried to get him to sleep on the couch, but he seems to only want to sleep curled up at the foot of my bed with exaggerated (but silent, thankfully) snoring.

I've never had a clown before, but the only neighbors who seemed to care about him have young kids. My mom said he can stay as long as I'm responsible for him, and I've really started to enjoy having him juggle invisible balls or play his imaginary lute while I work from home all day. And he and my dog seem to really like each other now. And advice would be appreciated.

Is this how you get clowns? Do I have a clown now?