#cloudy June

[thegalaxyonherlips]

Hyperfem Pop Girlies I'm Obsessed With

Beth McCarthy - She's Pretty

Cloudy June - Mommy Issues

Zolita - I F*cking Love You

Girli - Be With Me

[angelic-moans]

Sometimes I fuck you in my head

I let you touch me when I’m lonely in my bed

[twistedappletree]

do you feel it too?

are you as obsessed?

give me just a little sign

and i’ll confess.

[thebibutterflyao3]

Things I learnt from my Spotify Wrapped:

1. I am a creature of habit. I listen to the same three playlists obsessively based on these three moods: nostalgic, bad bitch, or hopeless romantic.

2. I love finding new artists and adding to these same three playlists.

3. I may (definitely) have a crush on Cloudy June.

[flutterblack]

I just think Rosekiller has "Cloudy june" vibes

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Current listening to

Cloudy June's - Devil is a woman 🎧

Cuz that song is so gay and kinky like......me?

Anyway My dear Olive, Count me in as 🦇 #anon?

#happykinktober

Hey anon!!!

So I already have a 🦇 anon… Be honest please, Are you the same person? If so, awesome! If not, then I’ll have to ask you to pick a different emoji anon… Thank you for your understanding ♥️♥️

But omg yessss—! Devil is a Woman by Cloudy June!!! SO gay and SO kinky hehe 😘😝

Happy Kinktober—!!!

Talk with Me ❤️‍🔥

[thecansces-ariborn]

Random Song List Part 7

Escapism. by RAYE and 070 Shake

Verbatim by Mother Mother

Get Up by NewJeans

A Complete List of Fears Ages 5-28 (Aprox) by The Yellow Dress (@librius thank you for the song recommendation!)

Bad Guy by Cal Scruby

FU In My Head by Cloudy June

Scaredy Pants by Venus & the Flytraps

Cold Fumes (In Mid-June) by WATEVA and Karl Killing

Little Swing by AronChupa and Little Sis Nora

Ode to a Conversation Stuck in Your Throat by Del Water Gap

Song recommendations are encouraged 👍

[vespersbelladonnakiss]

i love Cloudy June i wish sex was real

[divineweirdo]

a section of my mind, she likes to reside - xixi

Cloudy June - Kill Your Darling (bonus tunes)

[weather-phenomenon]

omg

[erggggggggg]

obsessed with this song

[vizthedatum]

সোনা/"Gold"

CW: Long-form poetry and prose of my childhood trauma (includes pretty bad details about physical abuse and self-harm. I say this without judgment, but you should not read this if you’re gonna diagnose me and/or be triggered by this content and any of the other content that I’ve posted. This is not for you. This is *my experience*, and I’m sharing it. I have a need to share my pain so I can release it, sit with it, and be okay with it. And I’ve chosen to do it on this side of fucking hellscape that is the internet.)

Excerpt of DNA by Cloudy June:

🎶I'm all you never wanted

Hi Mom, I'll always bе

The black sheep of the family

It's in my DNA

My DNA

Lalala lalala 

It's in my DNA

My DNA

Lalala lalala 

It's in my DNA

When you said "stay homе" I went out

Did the things you weren't allowed

Maybe you're jealous of me

No-Oh

You're scared cause they always warned ya

Saying "like mother, like daughter"

The rotten apple don't fall far

From the tree

Yeah, you know🎶

My mom was my first best friend. And she created me to be hers. 

I was her most favorite doll - I was her amusement and her joy. I was her inspiration and aspiration. I was her best student (did you know she taught me most of the art I know and a fuckton of math (up until calculus)? She taught me nail art. She taught me so many things. She’s crazy talented. And she’s still the best damn cook I’ve ever met.) I needed her - as most children do. I loved and craved her smell (I still do). I loved her style (I still do). I loved how she moved and how she always so poetically expressed her thoughts (I think I get that from her). She was enchanting. She was beautiful. She was my mother, and I adored her above anyone else… until my brother was born (because then he became my priority for the rest of my life).

Her voice and the songs she sings will always be my comfort. She is so beautiful, in a perfectly timeless way.

And I love her - always and forever. 

She was and is really hurt and traumatized. Generational trauma is a bitch, and anger and avoidance definitely run in the great Sen family… and in my family too. Immigration, a haphazardly arranged marriage to someone who doesn’t/didn’t acknowledge his own weaknesses and veers towards grandiosity in the face of absolute incompetence and mediocrity, most definite childhood and sexual trauma, and, sadly, very undiagnosed mental health issues that she doesn’t have the courage to talk about openly. And then a failed affair where I believe she felt truly loved and seen for the first time - he still wishes her happy birthday privately to me *every single year* (and I feel their forbidden love so deeply and viscerally that it physically hurts me). It’s often said: hurt people hurt people. (And you bet that me sharing all this will hurt her too. Is it abuse to be told that you can’t share what’s happened? Or is it abuse to share such privately held secrets? Hell if I know.) But yeah, she hurt me. I was her most prized possession, and I had to be perfect. But I wasn’t. Even when I did all the extracurriculars, the music, the sciences, the everything… even when I got into an Ivy League college. And yes, I struggled throughout it all - I was drowning, and it was obvious. 

(In Bangla)

“Stop being abnormal”

“Be sober/serious”

“Why did you lie to me?” Everything I did seemed to be wrong. Constantly. Having bad vision? Wrong. Not being able to swallow pills when I was younger? Wrong.

Making a joke that my violin case looked like a coffin? Wrong.

Watching Xena: Warrior Princess (oh god, I was so gay growing up)? Wrong. Looking like my father’s mother? Wrong.

A facial expression? Wrong.

Being too fat? Wrong.

Not eating? Wrong.

Not doing my swim strokes right? Wrong.

Not believing in her messed up worldview? Wrong.

Being sick and in chronic pain? Wrong.

Reading a book too fast? Wrong.

My refusal to do sex-work (the request was for all the wrong/convoluted reasons - trust me) so that I could save the family? Wrong.

Running from her and hiding in the bathroom and using all my strength to close the door while she tried to pry it open so that she could hurt me more? Wrong.

I remember everything - as I have often said, I’m conscious through all of it even when I dissociate. Every word of affection and every violent rant - I remember. I remember how it felt emotionally, physically, spiritually - and I remember feeling how she felt on the inside while she hit me. What hurt more? how she felt or the physical pain (because when you’re neurodivergent with chronic pain, and if you’re me I guess, then the pain starts to just not really register as pain. You can still feel it, but I can decontextualize it over time). So I guess - to be completely honest - her own self-harm (because hurting me was definitely self-harm) hurt me more than anything.

I remember looking at the clock behind her when she made me sit still while she would scream at me for hours. At least I was able to do my homework, swim, do all the fucking things, and practice violin quickly enough for there to be enough hours in the day, huh? I hid bruises and cuts and marks for years while “excelling” in school. I don’t even know how but I would somehow sneak Bengay to nurse myself in the closet. Then eventually I hid the marks/bruises I made myself.

I made myself to be the person she wanted - and it was different every single day. The mental load was immense. The physical load was even more. And then it all just circled around again.

She was so scared for me - she wanted me to succeed so badly. But in her view, I was failing and doomed to fail. 

She would often tell me that my behavior was a reflection on her. Well… she was right. She was absolutely right.

But I’m free now. I’m ending it. I’m ending the generational trauma. Is that naive to say?

She’s not free - and she’s still alive, just surviving. She has her creature comforts, but she’s not happy. And while I have boundaries with her now (no contact unless it has to do with my brother (or when my brother guilts her into sending me money)) — one day I will save her. You’re not ready now. But I will - I will save you when you’re ready because you’re still my best friend - you never stopped being mine. And when we embraced in October-November 2022, I knew that I never stopped being yours.

And no, this is not purely a trauma response. Because she’s drowning too and has no one. And while I can say that I want to choose my family (and I do! And am doing so!)… the pull of blood and culture will always be there.

তুমি আমার মা, আমার "মাদ্রে." আমি তোমার সোনা কিন্তু তুমিও আমার সোনা��� Gold is malleable - we can change! We can still shine brilliantly and effulgently, even when the world bends us out of shape. I love you. I forgive you. I let you go. And one day, I hope, when you’re ready, I’ll save you, and we can truly be best friends anew.

[partysleeprinserepeat]

Pretty Pills for Broken Hearts - Cloudy June

[miaulady]

I think it is hilarious that the song I heard most this year was "FU in my head" from Cloudy June.

I - an asexual - listened to the most unasexual song possible that often.

For anyone who doesn't know: Cloudy June is a bisexual poc-singer (and amazing) and this specific song is about her having a crush on a friend of hers and the sexual fantasies.

The songs is really good. I don't identify with the lyrics but who cares. I love it regardless

[lilacponds]

HI MOM . GOT DRUNK AGAIN ! PICTURES ON THE INTERNET , WHAT WILL THE PEOPLE SAY ? HI MOM ! AND BY THE WAY HOOKED UP WITH A GIRL TODAY , NEIGHBORS GON BE ASHAMED

YEAH YOU HAD IT COMING, I'M ALL YOU NEVER WANTED

HI MOM ! ILL ALWAYS BEEN THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

ITS IN MY DNA, MY DNA