#closing my ears and not listening to the reality of being a teacher in America. lalalala can’t hear you

[villainanders]

what if I went back to school to become an elementary school teacher…….

[illegal-spiegel]

Voice Sweet as Caramel

Pairing: deaf!Katsuki Bakugo x gn!reader Genre: fluff, slight angst? Warnings: none Summary: You meet Dynamight and don’t know that he’s deaf. Luckily for him though, when you find out, your quirk comes in handy Word Count: 5.1k words A/N: I did a lot of research to make Bakugo’s experience seem as real as possible. If there is smth that I did wrong, worded incorrectly, etc., please don’t hesitate to inform me. Thank you and enjoy!

It didn’t really bother him at first. Being deaf, I mean. He didn’t have to listen to a bunch of nonsense all the time, he could sleep in peace, villains trying to goad him on and agitate him didn’t work anymore, and so on. 

It didn’t take him long to realize just how many downfalls there are with that though. He started to fall behind in class because he could no longer hear his teachers. He wasn’t able to hear plans of attack or hear an enemy sneak up on him. 

He can’t hear your voice. 

He became deaf in the middle of his third year. It happened in the middle of a fight with the league of villains and he didn’t really have time to panic about it at the time. When school let out and he became one of the top heroes, he tried not to be bothered by it and for the most part, it worked. His other senses heightened as time went on but that doesn’t mean it made the reality that he’s deaf any easier. There were still the setbacks that will always hold him back from reaching top potential. Because of this, he’s the number three hero, right behind Deku and Todoroki. 

That’s what really crushed him. 

He never shows anyone, heroes, friends, and villains alike, that being deaf is a struggle for him, even when he gets used to it. He wants to hear the villains he defeats beg for mercy. He wants to hear his friends laugh when someone does something stupid. He wants to hear the praise of civilians when he saves them. 

He wants to hear your voice but he’d, obviously, never tell a soul that. 

He didn’t meet you until a year after he graduated.

You showed up when he was fighting some villains, and he’ll never admit that he was struggling a little bit. Somehow though, villain after villain suddenly couldn’t see him and they panicked. They’d run into buildings and each other before Bakugo beat them all to a pulp. 

Seeing as how you’re the only one else there with a hero costume on, he assumes you had something to do with it. As he hands the villains over to the police, you come over with a warm smile aimed directly at him. He stares at your lips as you speak, his ears ringing with the silence that he’s grown used to. 

He doesn’t really understand why you’re trying to talk to him, seeing as how everyone knows that the great hero Dynamight is unable to hear. So, why are you wasting your time trying to talk to him? Maybe you think he can read your lips. That is, after all, a common misconception about deaf people.

Without a word on his part, he turns and walks away from you. He doesn’t hear you stop in the middle of congratulating him. He doesn’t hear how you scoff a bit. He doesn’t see you frown at how rude he is. 

You walk into the building with a bright smile already on your face, excited for something you literally do every day of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times you do it though. This will always make you happy. Plus, you just came to Japan from America a couple of weeks ago. You haven’t been here in years. You are excited to use your improved quirk to help others. 

You greet the lady at the front desk as you grab your sticker name tag that the staff makes for you every day. You then go to your first stop, gently knocking on the door and coming in once you get the go-ahead. 

“(Y/n)! You’re back!” the little girl squeals, a large smile coming to her face. Your smile stretches out further as you walk over to her. 

“Hi, Keiko! How have you been?” you say as you move your hands slowly for her to read. She watches them attentively before perking up, her mother beside her smiling softly at the interaction. 

“I’ve been really good! I’m glad you're back!” she says happily, her ‘accent’ coming through more now that she’s calmed down and isn’t shouting. 

“I’m happy to be back too,” you agree, your hands moving with your words. 

“(Y/n),” the mother says, grabbing your attention, “Thank you for coming back. You have no idea what this means to me. To us. After the villain attack...” Her eyes are watery as she speaks, her hand coming up to pet her daughter’s head. 

You smile softly at her, coming over to sit in the empty chair by her bed. “Don’t even mention it, Mrs. Suzuki. It’s an honor to be of use to you and your daughter,” you reassure. You then look to Keiko, seeing her body impatiently wiggling around as she waits for you to work your magic. 

You chuckle as you raise your hands, her eyes widening, despite knowing what you were doing. She turns to look at her mom as she shouts, “Mommy! I can hear again!” You read her lips and smile as she wraps her arms tightly around her mother. You watch with a soft look in your eyes, trying to ignore your oncoming sadness that will come when her hearing comes to an end again. 

“Keiko, I noticed that you are getting better at JSL. You must be studying so hard!” you praise, watching her chest puff out at the praise. 

“You bet I am! It’s so easy and my tutor says I’m really good at it!” she brags while using her hands for you to read, a chuckle escaping you at how proud she is. She has every right to be though. 

“That’s so cool! Can you show me what else you’ve learned?” 

You stay with the girl and her mother for their hour before slowly taking away her hearing again. She doesn’t seem to mind though. Even at her young age, she’s grateful for the opportunity that others don’t get to have and she knows that you can’t let her have her hearing back forever. 

You walk down the hall and walk into the next room after knocking. “Daiki? It’s (Y/n),” you greet softly, not wanting to spook the teen. He perks up at the sound of your voice, a smile coming to his face as he turns to face you. 

That has to be the best part of your quirk. You bring all of these smiles to these unfortunate people whose lives were changed at the hands of villains. 

“(Y/n)! I’m surprised to have you come back so soon!” he greets, holding his arms open for a hug. You happily accept it, returning his sight as you pull away. He brightens up more as the life returns in his eyes, your eyes catching the sight of his gums showing from how big he’s smiling before your own vision goes dark. 

“I’ll never get tired of seeing your pretty face,” he playfully flirts, making you chuckle as you take a seat by his bed. 

“You’re such a flatterer.” When visiting Daiki, he prefers to use his time wisely. He likes to memorize the faces of loved ones, read, watch tv, and other things that he can’t do.

When his time comes to an end, he sighs as he closes his book he was reading, a sad smile on his face. “You really are my hero, (Y/n),” Daiki says softly, his eyes roaming your face to now memorize it without your knowledge. 

“I’m just doing what anyone else would do with my quirk,” you reassure, giving him a sad smile as you slowly take his sight away again. He sighs and picks up the same book from before but with braille instead of typed words. 

“Still. See you next week?” 

“You betcha,” you say softly before kissing his cheek and leaving. 

Your quirk allows you to eliminate or heighten the five senses. You can only do one sense at a time though. You can do it in increments too, meaning you can completely eradicate or heighten a sense, or you can do it partially. For example, you can increase someone’s smelling to 100% and they can suddenly smell ten times better than a bloodhound. Another example, if someone is getting a headache by a smell, you can remove someone’s smell by 50% and leave them able to smell but not as strongly as they normally would be able to. Also, when you use your quirk, that sense is completely removed from you but only while you’re using it on someone. You also can’t use your quirk on yourself. 

It’s when you’re leaving the RCV, the Recovery Center from Villains, you notice the fight between a hero and multiple villains. You raise your hand to one of the villains, removing his, and your, sight. When you hear a loud explosion and a cry of pain, you turn off your quirk to find the villain you used your quirk on laying on the ground. You repeat this process with the other villains until there was none left standing. 

When the hero hands them over to the police, you run over with a grin. “Hi, I just wanted to say that you were incredible! I know you probably didn’t need my help but I just wanted to-”

You cut yourself off with a scoff when the blond suddenly walks away from you, a frown coming to your face as you watch him go. Well, that was rude. Especially after you just helped him take down four villains! 

“Excuse me. Were you the one to help Dynamight?” an officer asks. You give her a kind smile as you nod your head, turning to face her now. 

“Yes, ma’am. I have a senses quirk, so I eliminated their sight so, uh, Dynamite could get the upper hand,” you explain. She smiles at this, becoming more fascinated by the second as you explain what happened. You answer any questions she has, noticing the sun is starting to go down. 

“Well, it’s getting dark. I’ll let you go! Have a great day—oh! What’s your hero name?” 

“It’s Esthesia,” you say before saluting and walking away. 

On your walk home, a guy gives you an unseemly smile as his eyes flicker up and down your body. “Hey, baby. Where you going?” You give him a bored look as you raise your hand, taking his, and your, sight away as you continue to walk straight. He begins to panic, your ears listening as he runs around frantically before crashing into a brick wall. When his body hits the ground, you return both of your vision with a smirk. 

“Have a nice night!” you sarcastically call to his groaning figure. 

The second time you meet Dynamight—you learned from the news how it’s actually spelled—it was under pretty much the same circumstances. You stay by the sidelines, appearing as a civilian to everyone which is exactly what you wanted. 

You raise your hand and remove the villain’s sight, listening for signs that the villain is defeated. When you return your vision though, you find a villain coming from above to attack Dynamight. 

“Dynamight!” you shout in warning, pointing up for him to see what your warning is for. He never looks at you though, allowing the villain to attack him from above. You quickly remove that villain’s sight, hoping that you weren’t too late. Why did he just ignore you like that? Is he that stubborn?

When your vision comes back, you find that he has taken out all of the villains again. You charge towards him once you see this, coming up behind him. “Why did you ignore me? You could’ve been killed!” you shout, afraid for the hero’s life. He keeps his back to you though, his eyes moving from villain to villain to make sure that they will stay down. “Hey!” you shout as you lightly shove him to gain his attention. 

“Hey!” he copies as he catches his balance and spins around, his eyes alight with an inferno that’s normally directed at villains. When he sees it’s you though, that inferno shrinks to a flame. “What is your problem?” he screams. 

You scoff as you cross your arms over your chest, a glare of your own staring right back at him. “My problem? My problem is that you keep ignoring me! I was trying to help you back there and you didn’t even turn to acknowledge me! You could’ve avoided that attack altogether!” you shout right back, your eyes moving to the wound on his shoulder that he received from that villain. Your eyes return to his face when he huffs and looks away from you. 

And just like before, he walks away from you, causing your jaw to drop open. “Hey! You don’t get to do this to me again!” you shout, running to stand in front of him. You notice that the police have arrived to take the bad guys away, which Bakugo also notices. 

“Get out of my way,” he snaps, moving to go around you until you just block his way again. 

“No! This is the second time I’ve helped you! You can at least thank me!” He doesn’t react to your words. He doesn’t even have an expression on his face anymore. He, again, just moves around you and walks away. This time though, you let him go. 

“Fine! That’s the last time I help you then!” you declare. 

It’s not. 

He just seems to have an invisible sign that you can’t see that says, “Come attack me! I’m alone! Please beat me up!” You don’t understand why he never has backup. Well, besides you, that is. 

After helping out several times though, you finally come across him in battle with another hero. About time. Where was he the last six times you’ve helped him?

You watch from afar, only helping if one of them seems to be struggling a bit. You notice that the other hero acts differently around Bakugo. Their body language is different and he never calls out to him. Does he not like him? Cause you sure don’t. 

After the fight is over and the police have escorted the villains away, the heroes leave after interacting with the civilians for a bit. You notice that no one talks to Dynamight though. How is he the number three hero but isn’t popular amongst the civilians? That makes his situation even odder to you. 

When they finally leave, you quickly catch up to them. “Hey! Hi, sorry! I just wanted to say that you guys did a great job!” you congratulate with a grin, not even looking in Dynamight’s way. 

The guy with flaming red hair, named Red Riot you believe, gives you a toothy grin. “Oh, thanks! You’re Esthesia, right? I’ve seen you on the news with Bakubro a couple of times.” You raise your brow at the nickname but realize he’s talking about Dynamight. 

“Oh, yes! It’s nice to meet you! You’re Red Riot, right?” At this, his smile gets even brighter, if possible. 

“Sure is! You can call me Kirishima though! This is Bakugo,” he introduces. It takes everything in you not to scoff. 

“Yeah. I’ve saved his ass a time or two before,” you say as calmly as possible. Kirishima looks to Bakugo and finds that he’s not even looking at you. 

“Sorry about him. He can be so moody.” You raise your brow when Bakugo doesn’t come to his own defense, seeming to just take the playful blow. 

“That’s one word to describe him. Anyway, I don’t want to keep you guys up. I just wanted to congratulate you,” you explain with a warm smile. 

“Oh, it’s no problem at all! It was nice to finally meet the hero who has saved Bakugo’s ass so many times! Say, how about we meet up sometime? It’d be great for you to meet some of the other heroes. Your quirk is really useful!” You blush at this but nod nonetheless. 

“Oh, that would be great! I love helping where I can!” You pull out your phone for Kirishima to put his number into your phone, this finally grabbing Bakugo’s attention, but he remains quiet. 

“Super! I’ll text you when some of the others are free. We can all get drinks or something,” he says as he hands your phone back to you. 

“Can’t wait! It was nice meeting you!” you say cheerfully before you leave the duo to go to the RCV, which is where you were heading before you stopped to help. 

About a week later, you get a text from Kirishima asking if you’d be free Sunday night. You agreed to meet him at a restaurant and you couldn’t help but grow excited at the chance to finally meet other heroes in the area. 

Sunday night came in a blink of an eye it seemed, your heart beating faster with each mile you get closer to the meeting place. You park your car and double-check that your outfit is in order before heading inside. You look around for spiky, red hair, and it only takes you a second to find him. 

“Kirishima!” you call as you near the table. Everyone but a certain blond turns at the sound of your voice. His eyes look at his friends before finally looking at you. You make eye contact with him for a moment before looking at Kirishima. 

“Hey, (Y/n)! You look great!” he greets, standing up and pulling out the only empty chair. 

“Thank you,” you say with a blush, slowly taking the seat, to which he pushes the chair in for you once you’ve sat down. 

“Everyone, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), this is everyone,” he introduces playfully as he takes his own seat. Once he’s settled, he properly introduces you to everyone, to which you happily greeted them all. 

“And finally, Mr. Grumpy-Mc-Grumpy-Pants over there is Bakugo, which you already know,” he says as he taps Bakugo’s arm. Bakugo turns to look at Kirishima before following his finger to you. 

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” you greet with much sarcasm. He, like always, remains silent and looks back down to his menu. You huff and decide to open up your own menu, trying not to be bothered by being shot down by the handsome male. 

For the rest of the evening, weird things occurred. Kirishima always taps him when someone says his name, Bakugo’s eyes roaming the table until he focuses on the person speaking. Kirishima taps him again when it’s his turn to order. You’ve seen people talk with their hands, both literally and figuratively, but these people really seem to get into it, making wide and crazy gestures. 

It wasn’t until your waiter came to your table with your food that you finally realized what was going on. 

“So, (Y/n), tell us about your quirk. Bakugo hasn’t shined any sort of light on what your quirk is and Kirishima seems a little lost at what your quirk actually is,” Mina says with a smile. 

Before you can reply though, your waiter and another worker bring your food to the table. “Who got the kung pao chicken?” the other worker asks, looking around the table. Kirishima was checking his phone when the question was asked, Bakugo not letting the waiter know that it’s what he ordered. 

This is when it hits you. 

The tapping. The blank, bored look. The quiet replies. The crazy gestures. 

He’s deaf. 

God, you’re such an idiot! You work with deaf people all of the time! How did you not realize until now?

“He got it,” you inform with widened eyes, your eyes staring at the blond. His eyes squint at you for pointing at him before realizing that you were just showing the waiter where his food goes. Once everyone has their food, you clear your throat. 

“So, um, Bakugo is deaf?” you shyly ask. This causes everyone to pause and stare at you for a moment. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kirishima answers, “Sorry, I assumed you knew…” he apologizes. 

You shake your head, turning your gaze to Bakugo as you continue. “But why does he act like that?” you ask. 

“Like what?” Kaminari asks with a furrow to his brows. 

“I work with deaf people all of the time. A lot of them are decent at reading lips to some extent and most know, or are learning, JSL. Bakugo seems...like he doesn’t care or that it doesn’t bother him? Does he know JSL?” you explain quietly despite the fact that the man you’re talking about can’t hear you. 

Kirishima sighs as he sets down his chopsticks. “Bakugo has been deaf for about a year and a half now. He knows JSL and uses it when necessary, but for the most part, he doesn’t like using it or when others use it to talk to him. It makes him feel....belittled, if you will. Like he has to have special treatment or something. I do my best to help him but I’m not perfect,” he explains, the last part being directed at what just happened. 

You slowly nod your head as you take this all in, a small frown coming to your face. “So, you guys don’t know what my quirk really is, right?” you ask softly, a smile starting to come to your face. They all look confused in your change of subject but nod along anyway. 

“Yeah, I was asking you about it before our food came. Kirishima says you can make people blind, or something?” Mina pipes up. You confuse them more when you begin to grin, all of them sharing a look amongst themselves. 

“Do you want to see something amazing?” you ask, your eyes flickering over to Bakugo. 

“Please don’t make me blind,” Denki begs, starting to ramble about needing to be able to see pretty girls. Jiro shushes him and then focuses back on you again. 

You raise your hand to Bakugo, taking a deep breath before slowly giving him the ability to hear. Everyone looks to him when he drops his chopsticks, his hands shaking as he stares wide-eyed at his plate. His chopsticks landing onto the table is the last thing you hear before your own hearing is gone. 

“I’m confused. What happened?” you read from Sero’s lips. You remain quiet and just keep smiling, your eyes focused on Bakugo. Bakugo’s eyes snap to Sero when he speaks, something seeming to lodge in his throat. 

Before he can stop it, he’s tearing up. 

“Bakubro! What’s going on?” Kirishima worriedly shouts, looking between you and him. “(Y/n)! What did you do to him?” Kirishima asks worriedly. At the mention of your name, Bakugo finally looks at you.

“I can hear,” he mutters, his voice barely being heard from how thick his throat feels. When everyone starts to say that they didn’t hear him and to repeat himself, he rubs furiously at his eyes and takes a deep breath. “God, I forgot just how annoying your voices are,” he complains, trying hard not to smile. 

Everyone freezes at this. 

“What?”

“You can hear?”

“What’s going on?”

“My voice is just fine, thank you!” 

Everyone starts talking at once, bombarding him with their voices. A small smile comes to his face despite his best effort, looking at all of them fondly. He looks to you again, eyeing you up as the others continue to chatter on. 

“Well, you being able to do this would’ve been nice to know a long time ago,” he grumbles. You stare at his lips, doing your best to read them. The average deaf person can only understand about 30% of what someone is saying based on just their lips though. 

“Sorry, can you use JSL?” you ask politely before picking up your chopsticks to begin eating. 

This causes everyone to freeze once more. 

“Huh?”

“But why?”

Seeing their confused faces, you realize that you never explained your quirk. You give them the rundown before finishing with, “When I use my quirk on someone else, I lose the sense that I’m taking away or giving. So, in this case, I gave Bakugo hearing so now I can’t hear. This is all temporary, of course.” 

The table vibrates with Bakugo’s hit, making your eyes widen as you look at him. “Take my hearing back away,” he demands, not using JSL despite your wishes. Your brows furrow at this, luckily understanding what he said anyway. 

“What? Why? You were so happy just a minute ago,” you reply confusedly. 

“No, I wasn’t! I’m perfectly fine being deaf! I don’t want your pity!” he shouts, grabbing the attention of nearby customers. With him talking so fast, you weren’t able to catch what he said. This is when an idea comes to mind. 

You simply look away from him and down at your plate, starting to eat without another word. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” Bakugo shouts, realizing too late that, duh, you can’t hear him. “Don’t ignore me!”

Ah, the irony.

The others eventually get him to calm down, bright and warm smiles on their faces at seeing him act like his old self. Don’t get them wrong, he still acts like this all the time but there’s this...new fire to him that hasn’t been there in a while. 

When he finally lets it go, you all start eating. The others use JSL to talk to you, seeing as how they all learned it for Bakugo, despite the fact that he didn’t want them to use it. It was a nice dinner, really. 

When the night comes to an end, you all stand up and walk out of the restaurant together. “So, when will Bakugo lose his hearing again?” Kirishima asks curiously, signing out the words for you.  

“Well, I can only use my quirk for so long before it starts to become dangerous, just like when you guys use your quirk for an extended amount of time. Because I use my quirk so much though every day all day, he could stay like this all night. I’m assuming we are all going our separate ways though…” 

“Oh, okay. Well, we all really appreciate what you’re doing for him,” Kirishima signs with a kind smile. You smile back at him, not seeing Bakugo say ‘I don’t.’ 

“It’s no problem at all, really. I just wish I knew about it earlier, so I could help him sooner,” you apologize, turning to look at Bakugo now. By the look on his face and the way his mouth moves, you’re assuming he scoffed.

“Do you think we could hang out again soon? I think it would be good for Bakugo to-”

“What’s with that crazy idea? I’m going home,” Bakugo snaps before turning to leave. Seeing him leave, you slowly raise your hand and switch both of your hearing back. You bite your lip when he stops, the sounds of cars going past on the road and the chatter of people nearby suddenly going silent for him once more. 

He almost feels like he’s going to be sick. 

He turns back around, wondering how he can get you to give his hearing back without actually saying he wants it back. His eyes widen in surprise when all of the sounds come back, a small smile coming to your face. 

“Not everyone has the opportunity to get their hearing back, even for just a little while. So, be grateful.”

It took a while for Bakugo to finally warm up to you but after a month or so, he finally accepted your presence. It took him three to actually refer to you as a friend. It took half a year for Bakugo to admit to himself that you’re his best friend; he’d never tell you or Kirishima that though. It’s been a year and he still can’t admit to himself that he likes you more than as a friend. 

Bakugo takes a bite of the food you made, his face scrunching up in mock disgust. “What did you put in this? Rat poison?” he jokes. It honestly didn’t taste half bad but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud to you. 

He watches you dance to the music that he can’t hear, your lips moving as you sing. He wishes he could hear it. He watches you stop and turn to look at him at his insult, your mouth showing your scoff. 

“Do you want to die?” you ask as you swipe your thumb across your neck. He smirks at you as he makes a show of taking another bite. He doesn’t hear you hum but he watches as you sign, “Yeah, that’s what I thought, chump.” He’s the one to scoff now, his eyes rolling with his annoyance. 

He’s told you time and time again not to use JSL but you never listen. He secretly appreciates it because he doesn’t have to piece things together when you use it. He still acts peeved when you do it though. 

“I’m not a chump. You’re the chump,” he snaps. You set your food down before walking over to the big speaker on your kitchen counter that is currently playing one of your favorite songs. You stand in front of it and place your hands against it before raising your other hand over to Bakugo.

His ears are suddenly greeted with the sound of the music, a frown coming to his face as he looks at you. While he appreciates being able to have his hearing back, he hates that you lose yours in the process. He’s pulled out of his train of thought when you start singing, his eyes becoming wide. You use the vibrations emitting from the radio to keep tempo, singing in sync with the artist.

Talking without hearing was easy for you but you’ve never tried singing without your ability to hear before. This shows as you softly sing, your voice shaky and out of tune at some points. 

It’s the most beautiful thing that Bakugo had ever heard. 

Your voice is as sweet as caramel. He watches you with a soft smile on his face, not even realizing that it’s there. When the song comes to an end, you bring your food over to the speaker and eat while your free hand remains pressed against the speaker to ‘hear’ the music. 

To his surprise, one of his favorite songs comes on after a couple of minutes and you grew so excited when you realized this. You belt each word with immense confidence, not a sign of hesitation or worry in your voice. 

This is when he realizes that he’s in love with you.

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MASTERLIST

More with Katsuki Bakugo

Tag List: @nojammsss03​ ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

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[saladejin]

Broken | Seokjin (M)

Seokjin x Reader | idolverse au, established boyfriend!Seokjin | Pining, rough smut, fluffy undertones 

Summary:  Free time is hard to come by for the two of you, but soon another problem arises in the form of his beloved bandmates.

Warnings: Rough sex, swearing, mature and explicit themes, wet dreams 

Word Count: 4.9k

<< masterlist

* Request from my Ao3 series ‘Movie Night’.

~

Skin tingling with excitement and breaths coming out in short gasps, your hands found purchase buried deep within his thick strands of hair.

His lips melded themselves to your own while his fingers roamed your figure expertly. He knew exactly where to touch to turn you into a whimpering mess, and he would never stop learning. It was like your body was a panel of buttons, and he the curious child wanting nothing more than to find out what each and every one did. 

“Baby…”

The man slowly grinding his hips into your clothed core didn’t respond to your plead. You wondered if his brain was too occupied, because you knew yours was surely gone. Your fingers traced the firm outlines of his abdominal muscles and travelled upwards to use his wide shoulders for leverage. You could hear his hurried and shallow breathing the more you swivelled your hips to create the desired friction.

Another moan tore from you when you felt his hands moving everywhere at once. Their familiar warmth cupping your aching sex attentively. You arched at the memory of his fingers trailing the sensitive outlines and openings. 

“Seokjin, I need you,” You gasped, looking upwards but feeling frustrated that the shadows masked the face of your lover.

You reached forwards for him, eager to have him in any way you possibly could…

~  

Oh to hell with it all!

Reality was fucking harsh. You awoke with groan of disapproval and shifted your sweaty body around in the sheets hesitantly. Just as expected, you felt a certain slickness coating the insides of your thighs again.

This was literally the third sex dream you had conjured up in the past week or so. Each time you snapped open your eyes to find yourself cold and alone in your bed, you felt the wave of disappointment washing over you growing stronger. God, you missed him.

I just want him back in my arms. I just want him.

You sighed as you imagined the smiling face of your long-term boyfriend, the one and only Kim Seokjin of BTS. Life was pretty hectic considering you both worked taxing jobs, with him being a world famous idol and you being a full-time teacher at a private academy a fair drive away. Time had become very difficult for you both to find, but lately Seokjin’s had completely cancelled out when the band began promoting their new album overseas. After that, the bucket-loads of fame brought on caused even more difficulty and restriction on you both.

If it wasn’t for the strong bond and resilience you both upheld, the relationship would have broken to pieces a long time ago.

You grabbed your phone from the nightstand and got up to start the day, trying to ignore the sexual frustration tearing at your insides. A tiny light winked at you from the screen’s surface.

“Good morning my love, I hope you slept well x”

You felt the fluffy warmth spread through you as you reread his text again, but rolled your eyes when you thought about how you actually slept.

Should I let him know? It would probably cause problems.

You shrugged because caution had never been a part of your relationship in the first place. Direct teasing was what created so much of the chemistry between the both of you, and it was almost always much to the disapproval of the other members.

“Good morning! It would have been better if I was getting fucked by the real you and not a dream.”

You watched with an evil cackle as the three little dots appeared and disappeared several times.

“I’ll have to tell my dream-self to do a little better. It’ll only be a few more days until I’m the one breaking the bed again, sweetheart.”

You felt so pathetic for getting turned on by his simple cheesy text, but you were so starved at this point you couldn’t really blame your brain for weakening. He was due to come back to Korea in the next few days, so you really wouldn’t have to long to wait.

“Sounds promising, I’ll order a new one tonight.”

You left the room chuckling quietly to yourself. The weight of his words usually proved fruitful, and the fact that you had both freed up a single weekend was exciting enough. This rarely ever happened so you knew you were both super keen to spend time together for two whole days in a row.

It’s sad to think how even that has become special.

You settled down with your breakfast, already falling into the usual routine of your daily texting with Seokjin. He usually sent you all kinds of funny pictures with the other members, as well as beautiful photos of any places they went. You found yourself having your own private tour each and every day, and you always thought about how caring he was to take all that time out for you.

Not for long. Soon, (Y/n), soon you won’t need to see anything but the bedroom.

You really needed to clear your sex-driven mind.

~

The door swung open and you threw yourself into Seokjin’s arms without hesitation. He had arrived back late in the night and had already slept off most of the jet-lag before texting you to let you know he was on his way to your house. You had almost certainly jumped out of your skin in surprise, because even though you knew you were both longing for each other, you still hadn’t been prepared at all.

“Sorry babe, I tried to stop them but they wouldn’t listen,” Seokjin grunted lowly into your ear, and you tried your best to stifle a shiver at the sound to think about the words.

“Noona! It’s great to see you!” A voice boomed, and you leaned back from the broad chest of your boyfriend to see Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok filtering in behind him.

“Guys, oh! How have you been?”

You moved to give them all friendly hugs, hoping to mask your utter shock. You glanced behind to see Seokjin gritting his teeth in cleverly hidden annoyance, but you knew him too well for it to be completely invisible. There were slight bags underneath his beautiful brown eyes.

He probably didn’t even tell the boys no, knowing how much they’ve wanted to visit lately.

You invited everyone inside and offered drinks immediately. The fun chatter built up and you left the bustling boys to themselves to go and get some water for them. If you had known they were coming and staying for a while, maybe you wouldn’t have been so quick to throw on the horribly risky lingerie set you’d bought a few weeks ago.

Soft footsteps sounded behind you and suddenly your body was being turned around to press backwards into the kitchen bench. You ran your arms up to loop around Seokjin’s neck, grateful that the kitchen was walled off from the other guys and their watchful eyes.

“I wanted to come here alone,” Seokjin exhaled, seemingly in a daze as he moved one of his hands down to grasp loosely at your waist. You ignored the fire spreading from his subtle touch and craned forward to press a loving kiss to his plump lips.

“I missed you so much, I wouldn’t care if you brought your whole fanbase with you.” You blinked pointedly.

He cracked a smile and pressed another tender kiss to your lips, the wet sound echoing through your mind jarringly. You knew if you focused your attention on his uneven breathing you would lose what little control you had left. It was bad enough that he had started to push his body further into yours as the seconds drew onwards.

“I haven’t had you in so long,” he sighed and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowing as he tried to lean in and close any distance you might have had. You felt the heat pooling in your lower regions like some kind of dam had broken. His needy and darkened gaze called for your touch and attention loudly.

“(Y/n)-noona? We brought you a gift from America, do you want to open it now?” Jimin’s voice called from the living room. You realised with a jolt how filthy the current scene would seem, as Seokjin almost had you sprawled out on the surface of the bench. You probably would’ve let him take you right then and there too.

You looked at your beloved boyfriend knowingly before squeezing his biceps in reassurance and pushing off the edge of the counter. His loud disappointed sigh basically summed up your entire mood, but you knew you still had the whole upcoming weekend to yourselves.

“Coming!” You smiled tightly, preparing to walk out with the glasses of water in hand.

“Well fuck, you could be,” came Seokjin’s irritated mumble.

You tried your best to fight down the sparks of arousal at hearing his angry rasp behind you, but it was all pointless in the end. Your level-headed boyfriend bickered with others quite often, but when he was actually angry, boy that was another story.

Last time you had seen him that worked up, it had been over how he couldn’t get a certain dance move right even after hours upon hours of practice. He had come over with all his muscles tensed up from the building fury, and when you had offered to relieve his tension, he hadn’t hesitated on fucking you hard into the early hours of the next morning.

That’s a memory I should not be thinking of right now. Next thing I’ll be dropping to my knees right in front of the boys!

You shook your head, trying to concentrate on the words Jimin and Taehyung were speaking as they described each perfume they had discovered and brought back. You were so grateful for their thoughtfulness and thanked them so many times for the presents, but your eyes kept wandering to where Seokjin was sitting with his legs crossed conveniently; his eyes averted and fingers tapping to a random rhythm against the arm of the couch.

It had been way too long. It was almost too much for you to stand being in the same proximity as him, and even if he felt the same there was nothing either of you could really do except wait it out.

~

Your panties were soaking as you smashed in the code for Bangtan’s dorm. Seokjin had been constantly riling you up for the past hour over text, and now that you had finally managed to make your way over things were very heated for you. Your fingers trembled with adrenaline and you cursed when you accidentally punched in the wrong number more than once.

He had managed to score the whole dorm to himself for a small amount of time. This was an absolute triumph, because even though you had both freed up the weekend, escaping the members was truly another task in itself.

“Jin I-”

“Baby I’m so glad you’re here!” Seokjin’s noticeably forced shout caused you to stop in your tracks. The shock tightened its grip as you realised you definitely weren’t alone.

Your boyfriend sat on the couch surrounded by his smiling bandmates who were joking amongst themselves, but you knew by his painfully apologetic eyes and conspicuously placed couch cushion that this hadn’t been planned at all.

“Hey noona, we finished practice early so we could have a movie night!” Jungkook greeted as he jumped up to hug you warmly. You just couldn’t let the disappointment hang around for long when this bunny made an appearance.

“Hey Kook-ah.” You smiled sharply, trying to edge away from him so he wouldn’t accidentally feel what you were wearing underneath.

Fuck, Seokjin knows what it looks like too…

You locked eyes with your boyfriend and you both silently conveyed a sorrowful message.

Yes, you would need to do some more waiting apparently. Children were high maintenance, but you knew if this would’ve gone completely your way you would have dragged him into the nearest bedroom and ridden him like your life depended on it.

Sometimes he was just so caring it hurt; quite literally in your case if your weeping pussy had anything to say about it.

“Um, so what are we watching?” you asked through clenched teeth, smoothing down your skirt in hopes of hiding any ‘evidence’. You looked up again to see Yoongi slouched deep in his armchair and felt your heart thump when his piercing eyes flickered from you to Seokjin knowingly.

Shit, I forgot how perceptive this guy was.

You could see the hints of a half-amused smirk tugging at the rapper’s lips, and the fact that Seokjin’s cheeks were reddening gave away that he had noticed too. You had no time to feel the mortification creep up on you since the younger ones were already dragging you towards the couch.

“We picked a great action one, you’ll love it,” Taehyung rushed excitedly and barely even gave you time to comprehend what he was saying.

“Sorry we haven’t got enough room on the couch,” Jimin clicked his tongue, eyes scanning the room intently for a spare spot. You smiled and opened your mouth to say you were fine on the floor, but someone slipped in before you could speak.

“It’s fine, she can just sit on Seokjin’s lap like she always does. They’re together after all,” Yoongi suggested while craftily masking his intentions under a smile. You saw the way the smirk still poked through his guise all the same.

This sneaky bastard.

But you would admit, this had created the perfect opportunity to tease your boyfriend a little. Usually you wouldn’t hesitate at the chance, but this time you knew you would probably suffer just as badly. Seokjin met your eyes and gave the tiniest shake of his head in warning, there was no way he would be able to handle himself if your ass was pressing itself against his rock hard cock.

“Guess there’s nothing wrong with that.” You shrugged and watched as Jin’s expression crumbled into one of darkness and defeat. You knew exactly what was in store for you, and you loved it.

Yoongi covered the bottom of his face with one hand to muffle the chuckle threatening to break past. You smiled towards Hoseok and Namjoon on the other couch before strolling over and glancing down at your boyfriend with lidded eyes. He opened his arms for you, just as usual, but you felt the vital difference as soon as you sat down onto his muscled thighs.

A deep exhale brushed past your ear as he shifted underneath you, and every inch of your skin tingled with heat as you felt the prominent outline twitch suddenly. He was so aroused it was almost too much for even you to bear.

“Please try to stop moving, please (Y/n),” he blew into your ear almost silently. You couldn’t suppress the shiver that racked your form at the sensation of his breath, but this only caused a tiny grunt to fall from his lips. Damn, you were both way too sensitive to each other tonight, and Yoongi knew it too. The sly fox only sat there watching you two with the biggest shit-eating grin you had ever seen.

“Okay it’s getting good, everyone be quiet from now on.” Jungkook brought a finger to his lips, bunny eyes gleaming with enthusiasm as he grabbed Taehyung’s arm and ran to sit back down on the floor. Seokjin had his head bent forward to rest against your back as his whole body tensed up. You knew he was struggling to keep himself together.

“(Y/n) I’m about to lose it, stop fucking moving.” He shuddered as you unintentionally moved to get more comfortable. You just knew he was about to reach the breaking point, but he would regret everything if he exposed you both so quickly, so you reached to squeeze his hand in reassurance.

“Not here. Come over after the movie and we’ll make it real good,” you leaned down to whisper almost silently into his ear so nobody else could overhear. His lip was bitten as he registered the words, the tension from the implied promise hanging thickly in the air. If he had really wanted to calm himself down he would’ve sat on the floor himself not even minutes in.

You almost squeaked when he rolled his hips slowly upwards just once. Just small enough so you could feel what was waiting for you, but not noticeable to anyone else in the room. Even Yoongi had shifted his attention to the movie and had forgotten about the two horny beings sitting on the couch barely two metres away.  

Minutes flew by as you struggled to keep your attention anywhere else, but you kept failing time and time again.

“Hey Jin-hyung?”

Your heart skipped a beat as Seokjin’s minuscule grinding came to a halt, a large breath trying to casually leave his lungs.

“Yeah?” His low voice crackled slightly.

“Now that it’s over can you help me with that hour-long vocal training thing you were talking about?” Jimin asked as he got to his feet and dusted off his shirt from the popcorn pieces.

Wait it’s over?

You were aghast as you looked over to see the credits of the movie scrolling down the screen. You had literally been focusing on the hard outlines pressing into your clothed heat the entire time. Now the cold dread and disappointment lodged itself deeply into your chest as you looked back to gauge Seokjin’s response. Your underwear was nothing but a scrap of wet cloth at this point.

“Argh! Fuck this!”

To your utter surprise, you felt two large hands swooping down to pick you up somewhat roughly. Everyone else gaped as Seokjin yanked you into his chest and marched furiously towards the hallway where his bedroom was. You were left to helplessly cling onto his neck as he abducted you away from everyone else.

“What was that about?” Hoseok was quick to pipe up, wondering why his eldest bandmate had gotten so agitated. Jimin quickly held up his hands to show his innocence, but Yoongi and Namjoon exchanged amused glances.

“If I were you, I'd go plug in your headphones.”

~

You were breathing heavily as Seokjin kicked open his already ajar door, not even caring if he made enough noise to alert the whole building.

“Are you okay babe?” you huffed, watching in amazement as he proceeded to close the door by knocking it with his hip sharply. He didn’t utter a word and only growled before throwing you onto the bed.

Excitement crawled up your body as you were suddenly being pressed into the mattress, his lips were on you in an instant, hungry and desperate. Nothing could be heard but your occasional gasps for air as the primal urges took over.

He needed to have you, and you needed to have him inside you as soon as possible. You positively ached for it.

“Sorry, I just can’t waste time right now,” Seokjin grunted, eyebrows still furrowed from the irritation lingering in his mind. You knew this look. This was the look, the one that had gotten you mercilessly drilled for hours on end. Your heart almost stopped at the strong surge of arousal licking at your abdomen.

“No foreplay needed, I’m flooding myself right now.”

He locked eyes with you for one electrifying moment before licking his lips and pulling you close to his heated body. Without warning, he plunged one hand underneath the edge of your skirt to search for proof of your words, and your lusty whimper mingled with his pleased moan as he ran his fingers along the dripping entrance he found there.

“Fuck, I could slip in so easily.”

You eyed the prominent bulge growing even larger in his pants, but couldn’t act because you were now both too busy undressing yourselves. He was as ravenous as a starved dog, and there was barely a moment where he wasn’t marking your skin or leaving wet kisses in his wake. You couldn’t keep your hands to yourself either, and the sinful noises falling from him only drove you onward.

You let out a breathy moan as he flipped you onto your stomach roughly. You caught sight of his tensed muscles briefly, and you knew he was so worked up it was insane, yet exhilarating at the same time.

“How will you take me?” You moved one arm to sweep your hair over your shoulder, letting him see the entire expanse of your arched back and rounded ass on full view.

“Wow, just like this. I can’t make it slow tonight, I want to fuck your brains out (Y/n),” he almost whispered, voice low and raspy with desire. You didn’t need to see his eyes to know they were filled with a familiar fire, but the thought caused a fresh wave of need to hit you full-force, and suddenly a trail of your own hot wetness slid down your thigh.

“My God, are you trying to kill me?” He groaned and you heard the breath leaving his lungs harshly. The ripping of the condom packet made you jump in anticipation. You arched your back further and sighed, completely ready for this bundling ball of pent up frustration to unleash his wrath onto you and your pussy.

His hand smoothed down your back and you felt the tiny hairs rising at the sensation. This upped sensitivity was going to be the death of you both, and you knew he could also tell by the way your thighs trembled with longing.

“Head down, my love.”

With that he thrust forward and made sure to follow through with a smooth grind of his hips. You cried out in pure pleasure as his length eased past your soaking folds with little resistance. You shifted backwards to meet him, but still winced at the somewhat tight fit. It had been a while, but at least you had plenty of time to get accustomed.

“O-oh, oh that’s good,” He moaned painfully above you, but you knew the serenity wouldn’t last. He was too frenzied to stop at any moment. His hands were already gripping firmly at the tops of your thighs to spread your bent legs further apart.

A plethora of bruises later, but I’m not complaining now…

You sunk your teeth into the nearest pillow as he began setting a punishing pace. Your walls were being battered by his cock, and he was hitting that sweet spot so rapidly you were already coming undone beneath him. You angled your body higher and couldn’t help but moan wantonly at how he hit you in even deeper places.

“This is for all the time we could’ve been fucking,” Seokjin growled through gritted teeth. “A whole weekend, this is a whole weekend in one.”

You widened your eyes at his words, feeling tears prick at the corners from the pure amount of pleasure building up in your core. He twisted you so you rotated on his cock to lay on your back again, and only groaned in approval when your head and shoulders were met by his headboard with a dull ‘thud’.

“Don’t hide anything, I don’t care if they hear everything,” he breathed into your ear as he spread your thighs open once more, the surface of your skin visibly glistening with your fluids. He took in the sight eagerly before looking up with darkened eyes. You knew how completely messed up you were, but he looked pretty fucked too with his flushed complexion and shuddering breaths.

You opened your mouth to reply, but he shoved his thick cock back into your heat unexpectedly, and your words came out in a garbled scream. This new missionary angle felt even more deliciously sensitive and deeper.

“That’s it,” he grunted, brows creasing in concentration as he watched every little contortion of your expression.

He fucked hard and fast, not leaving any room for thinking as you climaxed shockingly. Your thighs shook and your whole abdomen clenched as the orgasm racked your form. Your cry of relief could probably be heard by the whole dorm, but you couldn’t let your mind wander to that when Seokjin picked up the pace again.

The feeling of your walls spasming around his length caused his common sense to fly out the window. He lowered his body onto yours so he could enter you quickly and easily, your beautiful and breathy noises edging him further to the edge he so desperately sought.

Your shoulders and back continuously edged further up the headboard as he pounded into you. You could vaguely hear the banging of the wood against the snowy white wall behind, but your attention was ripped away as another orgasm abruptly bloomed and jerked your entire body into uncontrollability.

Seokjin reached up to still your shoulders, throwing his head back in complete ecstasy as he allowed the slow rhythmic rolling of your muscles to send him over. He groaned loudly as he came, abdominal muscles tensing as he breathed deeply and gently moved his hips to ride out the finish. You were a sight to behold below him, eyes closed and swollen lips hanging open in blissful shock. He watched in admiration as your clammy body continued to jolt occasionally from the aftershocks.

No words were spoken, but you felt his lips against your skin through the haze clouding your mind. He tenderly trailed the outlines of your neck and jawline as if saying ‘thank you, I’m sorry’. You only gasped as another wave of sensitivity coursed through you from head to curled toes. You could still feel the heavy weight of him nestled inside you, but you didn’t want him to leave.

“You’re always so good to me baby. I needed that.” He sighed and almost reluctantly pulled out of your soaking folds slowly. You whined as the sharp feeling almost brought you closer to the edge again, but the stimulation was just too much. He inhaled sharply in stunned disbelief and moved to calm you down with soft words of encouragement.

“I-I think that’s the best sex we’ve had. You were amazing and fuck, if that wasn’t the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced,” You breathed out, eyes still closed and one hand resting over your eyes as you tried to see anything other than stars. His deep chuckle sounded from somewhere beside you as he got up to dispose of the condom. You sighed before also getting up to use the toilet and clean up a little.

“If only we could go at it for two days…We waited for so long,” he murmured as you returned from the bathroom to see him pulling on some loose pants. You looked around and found one of his large shirts to throw on before climbing back into bed with him.

“Well considering how rough you were when you were angry, I wouldn’t mind getting you like that more often.” You smirked as you cuddled into his chest, trying your best to ignore the dull ache flaming from your lower regions.

“What? (Y/n) if you wanted me to be rougher all you had to do was ask.” He snorted, reaching down to smooth away some of your hair and pull you further into his arms. You hummed as he pecked tiny kisses down your bare arm.

“Well, I guess I just found out.”

~

The next morning you woke a little earlier than usual. Seokjin still slept soundly as you smiled at the sight of his slightly parted lips and fluttering eyelashes. He was so adorable when he was like this, but then your mind flashed back to the smouldering heat within his gaze and the rough pumps of his hips last night.

Well everyone has their duality I guess.

You took a deep breath as you swung your legs out of the bed, wanting to prepare your boyfriend an amazing breakfast for making you feel so good the night before. You made it to the door with a little difficulty, but as soon as you tried to walk normally the ache flared from your vagina and you stumbled forwards into the hallway.

Your knees bent at awkward angles as you tried to shuffle down the passageway, wincing while keeping one hand clenched at your pelvis almost as a reassurance. Damn, he had seriously taken away your ability to walk this time.

You grunted in exasperation, yet somehow didn’t completely hate the sore feeling. You looked up in determination to get to the kitchen but felt your breath hitch when you saw Yoongi and Namjoon sitting at the bench eyeing you in shock.  

Shit, they just watched me amble down the hall like a newborn deer.

“Uh, maybe you should get some rest (Y/n),” Namjoon suggested with a kind smile tugging at his lips. He had a half-eaten slice of toast in front of him, and you felt hunger bubble up in your stomach at the combination of smells.

“God knows you didn’t get any last night…” Yoongi mumbled and you stifled a surprised chuckle as Namjoon wacked his fellow rapper’s shoulder, utterly horrified. You leaned against the wall as they looked to you for a response.

“Well,” you began with a smug raise of your eyebrows. “I’d be lying if I said you were wrong.”

                    Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.  

[7-wonders]

Money, Power, and Glory

Summary: The sordid history of Duncan’s rise to the top, and hand-to-hand combat lessons that lead to other activities.

Word Count: 3855

A/N: Hello and welcome to another chapter of Memento Mori! I hope everyone’s had a fantastic holiday season. As my belated gift to you all, this chapter includes what everyone’s been waiting for: SMUT. A big thanks to my lovely angel @divinelangdon for letting me spitball ideas at her at any time of day, and to @lvngdvns for inserting the original ‘what if’ into the minds of this fandom.

Warnings: Murder, mafia, drugs, fighting, sex; what you would usually expect from a story about a mob boss.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

By all accounts, Duncan Shepherd is not a man known for showing emotion, unless that emotion is sadistic pleasure gained at the expense of others’ well-being. Nobody would describe Duncan Shepherd as patient or helpful, a gentleman or a teacher. Instead, Duncan Shepherd is often referred to as cruel, vicious, heartless, and bloodthirsty, to name a few. But most of all, Duncan Shepherd would not be described as weak. 

Duncan’s proud of the reputation that he’s cultivated through his few short years as the official “head” of the Shepherd family. However much he hates to acknowledge it, he has his strict upbringing to thank for that. 

An absent father who died when Duncan was barely old enough to walk, followed by rumors that the supposed grieving widow was the one who ‘accidentally’ gave her husband too many sleeping pills mixed with a hearty glass of aged bourbon with the endgame of joining her brother and building the Shepherd name into one of the most powerful monikers in Washington D.C. Being passed off from nanny to nanny, his mother and uncle too busy climbing their way up the elitist ladder to take care of the sole heir to the elaborate empire they were crafting. 

The Shepherd family had always been wealthy, but the wealth became exorbitant upon Annette and Bill’s foray into the underbelly of the city’s privileged class. Suddenly, Duncan was shipped off to the best boarding school in North America, with business and political skills instilled in him from the very beginning of his enrollment at the Andover Preparatory School (along with how to dodge punches and how to go on a coke binge and still show up for your 8 a.m. looking none the worse). Prep school was difficult, but it was much more preferable than being around his uncle.

Duncan’s met a lot of douchebags through his close association with the GOP, but Bill Shepherd embodies toxic masculinity. For a man so fond of collared shirts and quarter zip pullovers, he knew just how to emasculate even the most confident of men with a few well-shot insults. For his detested nephew, however, “a few” insults was a daily occurrence that could be counted on with the regularity of the rise and fall of the sun. The physical aspect of Bill’s temperament, slapping and punching and the feeling of his fingers digging into Duncan’s jaw as he commands him to “use your empty, good-for-nothing brain and just listen to me, god damn it,” marred Duncan’s late teen years. 

His uncle saw him as a threat. Even if Duncan wasn’t able to discern that himself from the increasing beatdowns, whether physical or verbal, as he reached adulthood, his mother was sure to remind him of that fact whenever he was younger and would come crying to her about the mean things that Uncle Bill had said to him. If he closes his eyes, he can still feel her hand carding through his light brown locks and her soft voice reminding him that everything under the control of the Shepherd name would be his one day, regardless of what her brother said. She never confronted Bill about the abuse, but she had tried, in her own fucked-up way.

Ultimately, Duncan has Bill to thank for his rise to the top of the Shepherd Freedom Foundation, Gardner Analytics, Shepherd Unlimited, and, of course, the Shepherd family itself. It was Bill who accosted Duncan after the young Shepherd had gotten into a gunfight with a rival group that had attempted to blindside him on his first solo meeting to restake territory claims over the different wards of Washington D.C. It was Bill who grabbed Duncan by the collar of his bloodstained black shirt, throttling him and bitterly spitting out that he would never be a “true” Shepherd. It was Bill who took a swing at Duncan, a horrified Annette frozen with fear across the room.

And, in the end, it was Bill who was too slow to react to Duncan pulling a knife out in retaliation and jabbing it into his uncle’s abdomen. Annette had screamed, but Duncan had hardly heard her over the sound of his blood roaring in his ears as he stared at his hands, soaked in the blood of his uncle who was on the floor and gasping for his last breaths. Duncan’s Goliath was finally slain, dead on the floor with blood slowly spilling out from the stab wound. His first murder had been his most difficult, and while the easiness of ending somebody’s life scared him, the fact that Duncan enjoyed killing his uncle frightened him the most.

It had been all too easy to frame Bill Shepherd’s death as a robbery-gone-wrong. Annette, already shaken from seeing her brother stabbed to death by her son, had been able to pull on years of experience with lying through her teeth to recount to police the harrowing ordeal of how she came to the building that housed the various Shepherd businesses only to see Bill bleeding out in his office. With the notability of the victim and the million dollars that had been stolen from the busted safe behind the bookshelf (in reality, the money was funneled into one of the family’s many offshore accounts, but that was neither here nor there), the case was textbook open-and-shut.

The “grieving” Shepherds had publicly vowed that their figurehead’s death would not be in vain. They would build on his legacy, just as he would have wanted. Behind closed doors, Annette had begrudgingly admitted that Duncan was in the right when he shoved a blade into Bill’s stomach, especially upon seeing just how capable of leading Duncan was. More money, more power, more territory, more influence: the more the Shepherd family became a name at the forefront of every conversation about the VIPs of Washington D.C., the more determined Duncan was to reach the top. He would stop at nothing to be better than his uncle, to prove to him one last time that he was more of a man than Bill Shepherd, cold and rotting six feet under, could ever be. 

So maybe people are right when they refer to Duncan Shepherd as a callous, cruel, bloodthirsty, monster of a mob boss. But Duncan is certainly not weak.

Why, then, does he feel so weak when he’s around (Y/N)? The woman shouldn’t even warrant a passing thought, not when Duncan has far more important matters to be dealing with. He should have killed her; it would have been far easier, and created less of a lasting effect (for Duncan, at least). Yet, when he heard about how she nearly scaled a wall when attempting to run from some of his men, and when he saw the fire blazing in her big eyes as she spit at him when he tried to touch her face, he knew he couldn’t.

Duncan’s found it impossible to stop thinking about last week’s shooting lesson. How she looked to him for guidance on what, to Duncan, is the most basic of tasks. Her defiant comments that make him angry while simultaneously making him chuckle. Her wide smile when she hit the target. The smell of her hair as Duncan loomed behind her to check her sight.

The way that her body slotted perfectly against his when he closed his hands on top of hers.

Duncan’s stirred out of his unusually soft reverie by the chiming of his phone. An email notification from one of his tech employees shows on the screen, the subject line warning him of an extended search of his name and family in the metropolitan area. It may sound conceited, but any search taking place within a 30 mile radius lasting longer than a few minutes carries with it the potential of a threat against the empire that Duncan has so carefully built. He’s sure it’s nothing, but clicks on the email just to be certain.

His eyes scan quickly over the contents of the message, noting the IP address and the approximate length of said search. The IP address traces back to a physical residence, the location of which makes Duncan smirk. It’s (Y/N), and he has no doubt that he’s been on her mind just as much as she’s been on his. Finding her file (because of course Duncan Shepherd is going to have an extensive file for every person he’s ever interacted with) on his computer, he types her number into his phone and sends her a short text.

“Training tomorrow, 3 p.m., same location as last week. Oh, and the next time you’re interested in learning more about me, you need only ask. -D.S.”

//

The embarrassment of knowing that Duncan Shepherd knew that (Y/N) was searching for information about him still controls her emotions as she readies herself to once again meet the notorious mob boss. She thinks she would rather die than see the triumph that sparkles in his crystal blue eyes of the knowledge that she cannot stop thinking about him. 

In (Y/N)’s defense, it was merely an informative search. Not being from the area, she figured that it would be a good idea to learn a little bit more about the man she is now indebted to for the foreseeable future. What she had learned was sad and brutal, but also what she expected. Wikipedia described a rich boy who was coddled until he was old enough to receive a position at the top of one of his family’s companies, while the gossip tabloids loved to speculate on the true amount of wealth that the family possesses. Forbes Magazine called him a bright, young entrepreneur whose tenacity was forged out of the tragedy of his uncle’s murder, and the Washington Herald painted a compelling narrative of various criminal activities and how they lined up with events in the rise of the Shepherd family.

(It’s probably no coincidence that, shortly after the three-part investigative story had been released, the Herald’s editor-in-chief, Tom Hammerschmidt, was found floating face-down in the Potomac river with a bullet lodged in his head. The official cause of death was ruled a suicide, but the popular rumor is that a furious Annette demanded his murder.)

She could skip today’s proposed “training” with Duncan, but that’s useless when he knows where she lives and can quite literally kill her for refusing his demand, so she slips on a pair of black workout leggings and a purple-and-white patterned sports bra.Throwing a sweatshirt on, (Y/N) quickly grabs a water bottle and her phone before rushing out the door so as not to be late. Although she doesn’t know much about Duncan’s personality, she assumes that he hates people who are late.

The man in question is waiting inside the doors of the high-end training gym when (Y/N) enters, slightly out of breath from nearly running to make it in time. A small smile starts to spread across his face as he appraises her outfit, and (Y/N) self-consciously crosses her arms over her chest.

“Sorry that my clothes aren’t right off the runway like yours,” (Y/N) says as she gestures to Duncan’s figure. While he’s wearing workout clothes as well, his joggers and zip-up hoodie carry an air of wealth with them.

“They’ll do.” (Y/N) huffs as Duncan spins on his heel, repeating the same procedure as the last time they were here in order to get through the private door. 

There’s training mats set up in the open area next to the shooting range, and Duncan waits until (Y/N) places her stuff against the wall before walking to a bench and grabbing a roll of athletic tape. “We’re not doing shooting training today?” (Y/N) asks.

“No, I feel like you have a pretty good grip on shooting. Today I’m going to teach you how to fight, as that will most likely be what will happen if you do get into an altercation while under my orders.”

“When am I not going to be under your orders?” She rolls her eyes as she pretends not to watch Duncan take off his hoodie and reveal his strong, muscular arms. (Y/N) realizes that she’s never seen Duncan in shirts that didn’t have long sleeves, the monochromatic tattoos that decorate his skin coming as a bit of a shock.

“Once I decide that there’s enough to implicate you in crimes as well, if you were to ever run to the police.” She scoffs as he holds out his hand. “Give me your hand.”

She shouldn’t talk back, she knows, but she’s feeling defiant after hearing just how Duncan plans to keep her quiet. “Why?”

“This tape isn’t for me.” Giving her hand over, (Y/N) watches as Duncan swiftly wraps her wrist, checking the support of the tape on the joint before repeating the process on her other wrist. “This will help make sure you don’t injure anything. While the main goal today is to make sure you know how to take down an opponent, I also want to know that you know how to effectively punch somebody.”

Duncan lets go of her hands, and (Y/N) takes off her own sweatshirt before joining him in the center of the training mat. He’s conspicuously not looking at her chest, and (Y/N) bites back a laugh at the polite behavior of the crime lord before her. “Hold your hand out in a fist,” Duncan commands.

His eyes are narrowed in calculation as he studies her fist, adjusting her thumb so it’s on top of the space between the first and second knuckles of her index and middle fingers. He’s a good teacher, and he explains his reasoning as he makes adjustments, “you never want to have your thumb tucked inside your fist. You’re almost guaranteed to break your thumb that way.”

“Thumb on the outside, got it.”

Duncan steps back, holding his arm up with his palm facing (Y/N). “Punch my hand.”

“What?” (Y/N) looks at him warily. “I’m not going to punch you! What if I hurt you?”

“I promise you won’t hurt me,” Duncan says with a laugh. “Now punch.”

(Y/N) squares her shoulders, rearing her arm back before punching Duncan’s hand as hard as she can. He nods, and she punches once more, this time with her other fist. “I’m impressed,” Duncan says, “you punch really well.”

“I’ve taken a couple of self-defense classes in the past. They didn’t teach punching, but they did teach how to throw your weight into your hits.” Duncan’s eyes flash with a hint of pride, and (Y/N)’s chest uncharacteristically clenches at the thought of making him proud.

“Great, then we don’t need to work too much on that. Unwrap your wrists and we’ll practice some sparring.”

It seems like a good part of her life lately is following Duncan’s directions, but (Y/N) complies anyways. Duncan’s joggers look like they were tailored specifically for him, his black tank top showcasing the tattoos (Y/N) had found herself staring at earlier. This time, Duncan does notice. “Do you like my tattoos?” Duncan asks with a smirk.

“I just--you don’t seem like the type of person to have tattoos,” (Y/N) stutters.

He quirks an eyebrow in amusement. “I’m a mob boss.”

“Still don’t seem like you’d have tattoos,” she mutters before placing her hands on her hips. “What’s the goal here?”

“The goal is to take me down. When you’ve had me on my back for five seconds, today’s training will be over. However, there will be no dirty moves, got it?”

“But kicking someone in the balls is okay if I’m fighting an attacker, right?”

“Yes, but not in a practice scenario.” Duncan starts to slowly circle (Y/N), watching as her spine stiffens under his gaze. “I suppose I should warn you that I will not make this easy for you. You will be fighting to win, not fighting to learn.”

(Y/N) nods, turning to stop Duncan from pacing around her. He takes two steps back, standing in a defensive stance as (Y/N) attempts to get a feel for how to spar. She snaps her arm towards Duncan suddenly, in an attempt to catch him by surprise, but the man simply blocks it with a quick dodge.

The punch leaves (Y/N) defenseless, and Duncan lunges forward to shove her. He would never actually punch her; he’s been trained in combat since he was 10, and she learned to throw a proper punch 10 minutes ago. It would be unfair of him to swing at her, so Duncan settles for pushing her instead.

(Y/N) attempts to regain her footing, but Duncan’s too quick. His arm wraps around her neck in a chokehold, and (Y/N) gasps for air as she tries to wriggle out of his grasp. Avoiding panicking, (Y/N) thinks desperately to the aforementioned self-defense classes, trying to remember any of the acronyms the instructor swore would save the class’s lives one day.

Rearing her arm towards her body, (Y/N) swings her elbow back as hard as she can to elbow Duncan in the stomach. He releases her with a pained groan, obviously not expecting that move, and she turns around and kicks at his leg. 

“Fuck you,” Duncan gasps out, stumbling backwards but refusing to fall.

“Fuck you!” (Y/N) retorts. “You tried to choke me out!”

“And I warned you beforehand what you were getting into.” The two move warily, neither person wanting to make the next move. (Y/N)’s eyes crackle with anger, and Duncan grins wildly at the fierce expression she wears.

He swings once again, (Y/N) dodging before punching him in the chest. Duncan seizes the opportunity to sweep her leg with a well-placed kick, and (Y/N) goes falling to the mat with a thud. She inhales heavily, trying to get her lungs to work again after having the air knocked out of them. (Y/N)’s barely able to scramble backwards before Duncan is on top of her, his legs straddling her waist as his hands pin her wrists above her head.

Chests heaving, both Duncan and (Y/N) glare at each other as he waits for her to give in, but she refuses to admit defeat. She becomes acutely aware of the fact that Duncan is pinning her down to the mat with his weight, his strong hips against hers making movement impossible. It’s borderline-indecent, and (Y/N) chides herself for finding being held to the ground any shade of arousing. Although she can’t tell if she wants to kick him or kiss him right now, she knows that Duncan feels the same when he glances from her eyes to her lips, and back again.

“Can you get off of me?” The end of (Y/N)’s sentence is muffled as Duncan presses his lips to hers.

The shock of being kissed by the man who just defeated her at sparring quickly wears off as (Y/N) eagerly reciprocates the action, feverishly kissing him back. Her hands flex in Duncan’s grasp, desperate to grab onto any part of him as a way to ground herself. Duncan refuses to acquiesce, so she brings one leg up to the back of his knee and applies as much weight to the vulnerable area as she can.

“Ah!” Duncan groans, the buckling of his knee giving (Y/N) the opportunity to flip them over. Now it’s she who has the upper hand, grinding her hips down harshly on him as she kisses him once more. Duncan licks at her bottom lip, attempting to gain access to (Y/N)’s mouth and getting frustrated when she refuses to let him slip his tongue into her mouth. He’s done playing nice, and nips at (Y/N)’s bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. He moans when the copper taste of blood hits his tongue, (Y/N) pulling away and panting harshly.

“You fucking asshole, that hurt!” Duncan just chuckles, flipping them over once again and roughly yanking her leggings and underwear down her legs. (Y/N) lets out a surprised moan when Duncan’s finger runs over her clit, collecting some of her burgeoning arousal and using it to slide effortlessly into her cunt.

(Y/N) is not the type of person to engage in casual sex with a person she hardly knows. She’s not even sure she’s had an actual one night stand before; the couple times that she had, it’s been with somebody she knew fairly well. So to be under the most dangerous man she’s ever met, his fingers buried inside her as he works her open, is certainly unlike her. It would, however, be impossible to deny that she’s not thoroughly enjoying this endeavor.

One hand grabs at Duncan’s bicep, and (Y/N) briefly admires the elegant script inked into his skin. Her other hand goes to grab at his sizable bulge, gripping onto his erection as roughly as he’s currently fingering her. Duncan lets out a choked groan at the sensation that’s both painful and pleasurable. Once he’s decided that neither party can handle the tension any longer, he withdraws his fingers from her cunt and pulls down his pants.

After (Y/N) gives his shaft a couple of quick strokes, Duncan lines himself up with her entrance and thrusts into (Y/N)’s tight walls. Matching moans ring out through the training room as Duncan begins to set a quick and deep rhythm. (Y/N)’s hips snap upwards, meeting Duncan’s as the two thrust in tandem. Every other sound, feeling, or experience fades away as Duncan continually bottoms out in (Y/N)’s cunt, his balls slapping against her ass. Her head lolls back against the ground, giving her the perfect chance to admire Duncan’s lustful expression and how his hair falls into his face with each sharp roll of his hips.

(Y/N)’s head begins to spin as Duncan’s rhythm begins to stutter upon nearing his orgasm, and she bites down on the juncture of his neck and shoulder in an attempt to muffle a scream as she cums unexpectedly. He cries out at the sharp pressure of her bite and the fluttering of her walls, speeding up his thrusts before pulling out and tapping at (Y/N)’s bottom lip with the swollen head of his cock. 

She turns her head towards him, eyes glazed with lust as she opens her mouth. Duncan only needs to thrust into his fist a few times before he cums in (Y/N)’s mouth with a deep groan. Her lips are painted white with his seed, and he nearly cums again when she licks it all up before swallowing with a content hum. Duncan collapses next to (Y/N), whose bones feel as if they’re made of Jell-o. As they both come down from their highs, (Y/N) has only one thought on her mind: What the hell did they just do?

//

Tag list: @sammythankyou @girlycakepops @ultragibbycentralworld @ajokeformur-ray @nana15774 @queencocoakimmie @lichellaw @grim-adventures58 @dandycandy75 @trimbooohgodplsnoooo @everything-is-awesomesauce @ccodyfern @jimmlangdon @omgsuperstarg @queenie435 @dextergirl12345 @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @kahhlo @storminmytwistedmind @1-800-bitchcraft @langdonslove @cuddletothecake @born-on-stgeorges-day @xavierplympton @michaelsapostle @hecohansen31 @venusxxlangdon @idespac @tcc-gizmachine @hexqueensupreme @wroteclassicaly @queenmismatched @youngandfleeting @hecatemacbeth7 @lambofcairo @myluciferiscody 

[skiasurveys]

497

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be?

- I’m not sure maybe a cute fox or something dedicated to my dad who died

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why?

I wish I could play the piano

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get?

- tootsie rolls, or anytnjnf that would get stuck in my teeth

Why do you live in the Washington DC area?

Nope

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past?

- just going to bed on Christmas Eve excited and my sister texting me on our iPod touches that we got being all excited lol

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why?

Natalie Portman but idk

Paper or plastic?

Plastic isn’t good so I guess paper

What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

Tbh I’m basic as hell lmao so nothing

What do you keep in the trunk of your car?

Grocery bags, Manuel’s and some car junk

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why?

- artist bc it was fun and I enjoyed doing it

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be?

Not sure

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do?

Hang with those I love, write notes to everyone but I wouldn’t tell anyone

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be?

Hmmm prob being a dumb ass bitch

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is?

Idk

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it?

More art or sleeping tbh

What CD is in your CD player right now?

I don’t have a CD player lol

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with.

No one

Name your favorite children’s story.

Idk tbh didn’t have any

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why?

Gabbie

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with?

Lmao let’s b real Judas

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality?

Jeans bc I’m so basic LMAO

If you were to write a book what would it be about?

Maybe mental health or poetry.

How many rings before you answer the phone?

2

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning?

Depends on the day. Sometimes it’s ugh and sometimes I’m excited

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?

Pay off my loans and pay back some people

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced?

Ears

Who was your favorite teacher and why?

My social studies teacher for grade 11&12. She made everything so fun

What makes you feel the most secure?

I really don’t know cus I never feel secure

Who do you admire the most?

There’s quite a bit

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it?

Not really

What was your nickname growing up?

Jean... or jenen so cringe so cringe

Peanut or plain?

Like on toast? Peanut ?

What is your favorite cartoon character & why?

Idk Simba or Bobby hill lmao idk why

How did you learn to ride a bicycle?

I got on the bike and my dad helped.. lmaoo

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records?

I have no talent so

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar?

I admire you for thinking this 😂

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it?

A bout a month ago I one wheeled

What is your concept of a fruitful day?

What does this mean lmao

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why?

Plastic wolves, animals or the game cube

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why?

A wolf

Have you ever jumped out of a plane?

I wish

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

World hate

What is your best personal characteristic?

I’m a good listener I think

What is your favorite quote?

Idk I like whatever happens, happens

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?

Possibly steal 😳

What is your favorite weird food combination?

Ok hear me out but maple syrup on pierogies

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why?

Sunflower

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you?

Books?! Prob a Manuel on how to live and jennifer, connor and Julie maybe

My biggest pet peeve is…

Men tbh

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most?

Don’t have one bc I don’t watch tv

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked?

I don’t know any lol

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why?

Cake batter or mint

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry.

When I realized my friend was toxic af or when my dad died. Happy? Idk

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate?

Idk

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things?

None

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why?

None tbh

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why?

Artist

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it?

My ig

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be?

Make mole hills into mountains

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be?

Idk

What is your worst personality characteristic?

Insecure af

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach?

How to draw maybe

How would you like to be remembered?

I don’t even know. Maybe how kind I am or my art

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)?

Life I guess

What do you like best about your hometown?

Nice paths I guess

Something interesting you might not know about me is…

Idk I was hit by a car at age 8

[lesbianfeminists]

“March was women's History Month, and in the wake of the graduation-dress debate, Marlborough confronted self-image with a special all-school assembly featuring Dr. Joan Jacobs Brumberg, a professor at Cornell University. Dr. Brumberg had written two books about the collision between cultural pressures and a girl's sense of herself, Fasting Girls: The History of Anorexia Nervosa, and The Body Project: An Intimate History of American Girls. The title of her speech was 'From Corsets to Body Piercing.'

…

She started out with a rattling set of statistics: By the age of seventeen, according to her research, 78 percent of American girls reported that they disliked their bodies. Girls as young as eight and nine complained to their pediatricians that they were fat and needed to go on a diet.

Teenage girls had become 'appearance junkies, valuing their appearance over creativity, intelligence, generosity, kindness,' said Dr. Brumberg. 'And there's anecdotal evidence, though its not yet established in the literature, that it's worse in southern California than anywhere else in the country.’

There was in this country an epidemic of what she called 'bad body fever,' and she believed that they only way to eradicate it was to confront it. To bolster her argument, she read excerpts about New Year's resolutions from two different girls' diaries. The first spoke purely in terms of personality traits she wanted to improve, while the second girl wrote about how she wanted to look and what she hoped to buy. 'One diary projects good works,' said Dr. Brumberg. 'The other projects good looks.' The first diary, one of the ones she had collected for The Body Project, was from 1892; the second, the one that focused on appearance, was from 1982. The implication was that today's young women had replaced moral concerns with a narcissistic set of desires. 'So what's happened?' Dr. Brumberg asked her audience. 'Can we blame it all on Calvin Klein, on advertising? Can we blame Hollywood? MTV? Are you the first generation to feel this way? What was it like in the past to get your period, to develop acne, to start to feel sexual?'

She presented a slide show of 20th-century photographs and advertisements, designed to illustrate how the media defined femininity. She wanted the girls to see just how aggressive the message was, how pervasive the cult of physical beauty. If they understood the pressure they were under, they would be better able to defend themselves against it. 

…

Katie Tower and her friend Lisl came because they were furious. To them, all this talk of 'bad body fever' was a colossal insult, no better than a racial or religious slur. What right did a stranger have to suggest every girl in the auditorium was neurotic about her appearance? 

For the first ten minutes, the lunchtime session was a polite round of agreeable sentiment: Several girls wanted to talk about advertisements they hated, and one devoutly embraced the idea of 'being more aware of ourselves." Dr. Brumberg referred to herself as 'unlean,' and the girls chuckled. Dr. Morgan and Les Klein hovered in the background with a parent who had offered to serve as Dr. Brumberg's chaperone for the day.

Finally, Lisl could stand it no longer. She had strict criteria for true gender equality, and she saw insidious threats where most of her friends did not. She believed in hygiene-- her long, straight strawberry blond hair was always shiny and clean-- but beyond that, she took an almost belligerent stance about her appearance. She rarely bothered to tuck in her uniform shirt, and she preferred dark slacks to the more popular short skirt over boys' boxer shorts. She often wore a school blazer, as though happy for the extra camouflage, and favored heavy, lug-soled shoes. 

To her, all this talk about looks was somebody else's problem. It had nothing to do with her life. She was going to Brown University and intended to become an engineer. Gender and looks were irrelevant to that. In fact, she found Dr. Brumberg's presentation to be condescending-- a double standard masquerading as a commitment to equality.

'Using the terms like bad body fever and stuff, I think you're really emphasizing negative aspects,' Lisl said. 'Putting all this emphasis on how the female appears, and what the teenage girl appears to be. My question to you would be, Do you think you're adding to it? When you speak so fervently about how we have to stop this, or look at the impact-- don't you think you're simply adding to it?'

Dr. Brumberg was startled by Lisl's question. She picked her words carefully. 'I'm a historian,' she said, 'and I'm reporting on what the clinical establishment is saying. Do you follow what I'm saying? I didn't do the research. The data show-- and it may not be your problem, all right?-- that women in America are dissatisfied with themselves, and that they're more demanding about physical appearance than any other aspect of their lives: their creativity, their athleticism, their sociability, their relationships.'

Her voice tightened up. 'I didn't make that up, okay? I'm trying to explain why we might have come to that position. I'm not chastising you."

Lisl refused to yield. 'Doesn't dissatisfaction create change, though? So wouldn't that be beneficial change? Maybe we're in sort of a time of change.'

Dr. Brumberg cut Lisl off. How could anyone consider a negative self-image to be a tool of progress? 'Dissatisfaction about your body,' she said, incredulous. 'You think that is going to generate social change?'

'About whatever,' said Lisl. 'Any dissatisfaction moves people to change things.' She accused Dr. Brumberg of acting as though beauty were a bad thing, and attention to hygiene and athletics, evidence of a superficial nature. Perhaps girls were simply being practical about how the world worked. She brandished a magazine ad that touted yogurt. 'Look at this,' Lisl said. 'It says, 'You need yogurt or else you're not going to get a date.' In some ways isn't that true?' The girls Lisl knew who had boyfriends were slimmer and prettier than the other girls. Maybe the ads were merely a reflection of reality, not an attempt to define it.

Dr. Brumberg and the teachers hardly expected such antagonism, and Lisl was not finished. What really infuriated her was the implicit suggestion that Marlborough girls were no different that anyone else.

'We heard you say that external appearance came in lieu of good deeds and actions and stuff,' she said. 'I don't think you can say that vanity has totally disappeared from Marlborough's campus, but we're heavily motived people here. Its hard for us to look at somebody who's omitting that part of our life and saying--'

Dr. Brumberg cut her off. 'You're taking the thesis of my book as somewhat of an insult,' she said. 

'I'm not,' said Lisl. 'I'm just explaining to you, since you seem rather surprised-’

'You regard it as a charge that women of your generation are shallow.'

'Its personal,' said Katie. 'Maybe I feel better in makeup or certain clothes.'

'What's wrong with enjoying it?' chimed in another girl.

'There's nothing wrong with enjoying it,' replied Dr. Brumberg.

'That's the way you're coming off,' said Lisl.

Dr. Brumberg appealed to Dr. Morgan, who had arranged for her visit. 'In fairness to me,' she said, ' have these people read my book?'

Dr. Morgan sighed. One assigned chapter.

Dr. Brumberg decided to make her case one last time. 'The book is about the way in which in the twentieth century, not just young women but everybody, regards the body as perfectible,' she said. 'That's a change in our intellectual psyche. If you deny that the body is a critical piece of your self-identity, I think you're being pretty defensive. Your parents watch their cholesterol. Your grandparents may be counting their fat grams. This is the kind of culture in which we live. My charge is not that you're shallow and you don't have other interests. What I'm telling you is that if you looked at these diaries the way I have, from the 1830s to the 1980s, you'll find there is a big difference in the way girls think about themselves.'

Her stern tone of voice was a warning. As the session drew to a close, she would not tolerate interruption.

'This is not an argument against makeup, against earrings, against getting dressed up and taking care of yourself,' she said. 'But you are a little blind and a little defensive if you can't admit that there are people in this culture who become appearance junkies. I'm not saying you are all like that. I'm not saying you can't do wonderful things….I'm just telling you that girls beat themselves up today about appearance in ways they didn't in the nineteenth century. That's the thesis. If that is threatening and upsetting to you, I'm quite surprised.'

…

Her audience was plainly skeptical. For six years, they had lived in a world that considered them capable. The last thing they needed to hear, as they waited out the final weeks before the college letters arrived, was that they carried an internalized flaw, like a damaged gene, that rendered them not quite good enough: lacking in depth, concerned with frivolous things.

Their nerves were too raw to appreciate Dr. Brumberg's study. All they heard was a middle-aged woman telling them that they were narcissists. She was the universal bad mother, wagging a disapproving finger in their faces, and they simply did not want to hear what she had to say.

Erica's friend Chrissy, a gracious, soft-spoken girl, tried to lower the temperature in the room with a confession. People were always telling her she was not thin enough, or needed more makeup, or ought to color her hair, 'and they say its not for yourself-- its so a boy will like you.'

One of the other girls cut her off. There was no way to rid the world of people who said stupid things, but a smart girl refused to listen-- and she surrounded herself with like-minded people. A Marlborough girl did not need instruction. She just needed other girls who understood.

'You need a friend to say, 'No, no, you're plenty thin,' said one senior. 'Girls need to say that.'”

All Girls: Single-Sex Education and Why It Matters, Karen Stabiner. 2002.

[filmfanatic82]

AO3 Link (HERE)

Chapter 3

“I would have walked through fire to kiss your lips

Do you still think about it, of what you did?

Still see your old apartment, like a bad trip

Wish I could forget all the places we've been

Hard and heavy whiskey goodbyes

Boy, you know how to make a girl cry

Was sleeping in a bed full of lies

And now that I'm older, I can see why”

-- Hope by The Chainsmokers

__________

Penelope can’t stop staring.

She has tried her best to for the better part of the last thirty minutes now, but every time she re-focuses her gaze onto something else-- anything else-- her eyes can’t help but wander back towards that yellow sweater. The pristine woolen yellow sweater that lacks the last six years of rips and stains that it’s clone has come to bear. 

The sweater that still belongs to Josie Saltzman.    

And, of course, the alcohol isn’t helping either.

Even though Penelope had performed a sobering spell before leaving Hope’s dorm room and heading off to her classes, she can still feel its lingering effects on her overall inhibitions and self-control… 

Or, better yet, lack thereof.

She knows she shouldn’t stare. It’s a rookie mistake, not to mention, also dead give away that something isn’t quite right with her.  

But, then again, how can she not?

It’s all so surreal. The classroom. The students. Even Dr. Bridges standing in the front of the blackboard, droning on about the history of secret covens within colonial America. Penelope’s been here before and yet… she hasn’t.

At least not in this version of reality.

By now Penelope should be en route to Belgium, under the guise of attending some hard to pronounce, witches only boarding school and not sitting here, in class. She should be in the process of tracking down Caroline and further pouring herself into any and all ancient texts that contain any reference whatsoever of the merge. 

But she’s not. 

Because this time around, leaving isn’t an option. Not without Josie safely by her side.

Penelope lets out a small sigh as she runs her hands through her hair and tucks a few loose strands behind her ears. She pulls her eyes away once again from the yellow sweater and glances over at the relic of a clock hanging above the classroom doorway. 

Only fifteen more minutes to go.

Fifteen more minutes before she can get another brief respite from the day-to-day mundanity that is school. 

God, how Penelope hasn’t missed this part. The pure and utter boredom of sitting around, hour after hour, day after day, pretending to listen to trivial pieces of useless knowledge that bear little to no importance in the world outside of the Salvatore School. 

Who the hell cares about knowing all of the names of the witches who founded the Oakwood Coven? Or which species of newts can be found in the eastern woods of Romania? 

No one. That’s the real, harsh truth. Not one single, fucking, soul. 

Nothing that Penelope learned during her first go-around at Salvatore had prepared her for what Hope and she were forced to encounter. Especially given that Alaric and the rest of the teachers operated under the asinine belief that teenagers had no need to learn defensive magic.

Thank god for Caroline. If it hadn’t been for her and her brutal, seven days a week, training regime, Penelope wouldn’t have even lasted the first six months within the real world. Or, better yet, had the foresight to use the morsus curse when fighting for her life against…

Penelope’s eyes wander back yet again towards Josie as her hand drifts up to trace her now non-existing scar. 

“Alright, folks. Enough on the lunar cycle for today. Let’s wrap things up a little bit early, shall we?” Dr. Bridges announces from the front of the classroom. “Remember, we will be discussing chapter 4 tomorrow of the Liechtenstein text, so please make sure you’ve read it.”

The sudden sounds of textbooks shutting and chairs scraping against the wooden floor snaps Penelope out of her thoughts and back into the reality of the moment. She lets out another sigh, this time accompanied by a crack of her neck.

“Can you get any more stalkerish, Satan?” Lizzie says, drawing the attention of those few students who have yet to leave the room as she does.

“Fuck me,” Penelope mutters under her breath and shuts her eyes, taking the briefest of moments to collect herself. 

Liz. 

No. She doesn’t go by Liz. Not yet at least. The shorter, more mature version comes later. After their first, real-world encounter with one another. 

It had been around the time of Hope’s 20th birthday. They had been camped out in a small town near Vienna for well over four months tracking a dead-end lead when the blonde-haired girl had shown up. At first, Penelope thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. That it was just an odd coincidence and nothing more. Austria was chock-full of icy blondes with piercing blue eyes. 

But then the girl approached Penelope in the darkened back corner of the local pub and simply uttered the phrase “Hello, Satan” and all lingering doubts instantly dissipated. 

It was indeed Lizzie Saltzman. Or, as she had re-introduced herself as “Liz” because Lizzie was someone who frankly didn’t exist anymore. Not after all that, she had borne witness to in the events of the past few years.  

Liz had sweet-talked her way into snagging the two of them a bottle of Bulliet from the bartender, which Penelope could only fathom the price tag given the scarce rarity of non-local spirits, and the two proceeded to drink as they talked for what seemed like a lifetime. It was the first-- and sadly only-- honest conversation that Penelope had ever had with the girl that once had wished she had never existed. 

As they drank, Liz had filled Penelope in on what had transpired post the Triad invasion and the irreversible side effects that the tainted bullet had had on Josie. She somehow managed to recounter the horrific events one by one, devoid of any signs of real emotion whatsoever, except for the noticeable unsteadiness of her hand every time she brought her glass up to her lips and took another sip. And Penelope sat there and did nothing more but listened. There had been a part of her that was dying to unleash her mountain of unanswered questions beyond the blonde, but somehow she sensed deep down inside that this wasn’t the time. 

That Liz just needed to talk.

It wasn’t until they were 3/4th of the way through the bottle, did Liz work up the nerve to ask about Hope. The question came so buried within their conversation that at first, Penelope thought it was a mistake. Merely her tipsy subconscious playing tricks on her. But Liz asked again. This time as clear as day. 

And Penelope couldn’t help but revel in the way that Liz’s face lit up as their conversation turned towards Hope. Liz seemingly wanted to know every last detail about the tribrid and yet, all the while still tried to keep some of her emotional cards close to her vest. But it didn’t matter. Penelope could read right through her anyway. There was a deeper reason for Liz’s sudden curiosity. One that Penelope, unfortunately, knew all a little too well. It was the same exact curiosity that had plagued her ever since the moment she left the Salvatore School. The one fueled by late-night thoughts and the endless “what if” scenarios that left unchecked could drive a person insane.

So, Penelope took a risk. A calculated risk, but a risk nonetheless. With a long sip of whiskey, she looked Liz dead in the eyes and revealed to her that Hope was madly in love with her. 

Without missing a beat, Liz smiled back and responded that the feeling was more than mutual… in fact, it had been for most of her life. 

The conversation abruptly ended soon after those words with Liz being suddenly pulled away by a phone call and then rushed goodbye. There had been a promise made that she would be in touch shortly for yet another round of drinks and late-night confessions, but unfortunately, it never happened. 

The news of Liz’s death came just a few weeks later.  It had been on the tip of Penelope’s tongue a million and one times to let Hope know about the rogue encounter, but she could never find the right moment to do so.  

“Uh… Eww. No thanks.” 

Penelope opens her eyes, allowing herself to take in the view of Lizzie Saltzman standing before her. A set of icy blue daggers stare right back along with the all too familiar arms folded across the chest stance that all but screams ‘I’m openly judging you’. 

It’s classic Lizzie. And God is it a bittersweet sight for sore eyes. 

The slightest hint of all-knowing smirk slide across Penelope’s lips. “Hello, Saltzman.” 

“I’ve told you a thousand times already. Leave my sister alone. Got it?” 

But Penelope doesn’t respond. Instead, she stands up from her desk and goes about packing up her belongings, never once letting the smirk drop from her face. It’s a deliberate move and one that Penelope more than knows will elicit the type of reaction that she needs in order to move the game along.

“Did you hear me?” Lizzie huffs out, slightly more impatient than before. 

Penelope still doesn’t bite. She maintains her composure as she pushes her desk chair in and then turns to fully face Lizzie head-on, locking her eyes in on the blonde. A momentary silence falls between the two of them as Penelope continues to smirk and watch as Lizzie fights against the ever-growing discomfort. 

“What?” Lizzie growls. She pulls her eyes away, pretending to glance at the ambient chatter coming from the nearby hallway, not able to withstand another second more of Penelope’s unsettling gaze. 

“Quick question for you… Why’d you let Roman escort Hope last night?” 

Lizzie blinks and shakes her head in slight confusion. “Huh?”

“At the pageant. You had the choice to escort Hope yourself after Landon was a no show. And yet you decided to let Roman step in instead? Why? You practically bent over backward just to ensure that Hope won. Why not be the one by her side?”

“I… I didn’t… How did you…” Lizzie grasps at words, trying her best not to appear too thrown off guard. 

“If I were you, I would’ve gone for it,” Penelope replies with a shrug. “Nothing wins a girl over more than being there when she needs you most.” 

Penelope throws in a playful wink for added measure as Lizzie continues to search for something-- anything-- to say in response. But all she can do is stand there, staring back at Penelope in complete and utter shock. 

“See you around, Saltzman.” 

And with that, Penelope up and walks out of the classroom as her smirk grows even wider than before. 

__________

“Penelope! Wait!” 

Penelope stops dead in her tracks as the sound of Josie’s voice echoes out from behind her. She’s been wandering the downstairs hallways now for the better part of the last hour, allowing herself to just get lost within the steady stream of Salvatore students. Sure, it’s not the most productive use of time, but it doesn’t matter. After the unexpected face-to-face with Lizzie, Penelope more than needs the space to sort through the ever-growing tidal wave of conflicting feelings brewing deep within the far depths of her mind.  

Penelope slowly turns around and instantly spots Josie battling her way against the dense sea of uniform-clad teens. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Josie responds a bit out of breath as she breaks through the last wave of students and joins Penelope. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“You have?”

“Of course I have. I’ve been trying to find you ever since the end of Medieval History… How on earth did you know that?”

“Know what?” Penelope responds slightly confused.

Josie gives a quick scan of the passing crowd for any signs of big ears and then grabs Penelope by the arm and pulls her into a nearby nook. “That Lizzie secretly likes Hope.”

Penelope can’t help but let a harsh chuckle slip out. Of course, Josie had overheard the exchange. She’s always has a tab on Lizzie whenever they’re together. Just like a mom of an overly mischievous toddler. One eye on them at all times, holding their breath and waiting for the next tantrum.

And it’s this-- Josie’s Achilles heel== that will lead to her ultimate downfall. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing. It’s just…” Penelope trails off, stopping herself before she inadvertently opens Pandora’s Box. “I guessed. That’s all.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I…”

“Enough with the bullshit, Penelope. You and I both know you’re good, but you’re not that good,” Josie fires back with an underlying bite to her voice. “Tell me the truth. How’d you know?”

Penelope runs her hands through her hair and exhales a breath of air that she didn’t even realize she was holding onto. 

The truth.

Two words that are so simple yet so powerful. For Penelope, telling the truth has never been the easiest route when it comes to Josie. No. How could it be? Speaking the truth meaning running the risk of inflicting long-lasting pain. The kind of pain that leaves invisible scars along the soul. 

“Okay. You’re right. It’s wasn’t just a guess,” Penelope responds. “It was also Hope.”

“Hope?” Josie quirks an eyebrow at the mention of the tribrid’s name. “What about Hope?”

“She’s the one who told me about Lizzie. Apparently whatever went down between the two of them during the Miss Mystic Falls pageant opened her eyes to things that up until this point she’s been blind to… Or something like that.”

“And she told you this?”

“Don’t look so surprised, Jojo,” Penelope says channeling her old 16-year=old self for a brief moment. “I make quite the good confidant. You of all people should know that… I still haven’t told a soul about how you’ve got a secret kink for handcu--”

But before Penelope can finish her sentence, Josie clamps her hand down over Penelope’s mouth as her cheeks ignite with a noticeable reddish hue. “Enough… I get it… So Hope feels the same way?” 

“Without a doubt.” 

“Interesting…” Josie replies. “I always had a hunch that there was something there between the two of them… Too bad Lizzie will never act on it.”

“How are you so sure?”

Josie shrugs. “It’s Lizzie. No one knows her better than I do.”

“Then I guess I’m just going to have to push Furball to make the first move.” 

Now it’s Josie’s turn to chuckle but unlike Penelope’s, it’s filled with nothing but an abundance of warmth. And Penelope can’t help but smile at the way that Josie’s nose crinkles up as she does. 

God, how she has missed this. 

“Okay. Now it’s my turn… What’s so funny?” Penelope asks.

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yes,” Josie matches Penelope’s smile. “I can’t put my finger on it, but… I don’t know… You just seem different somehow.”

“Different in a good way?” 

Josie bites down on her lip as she gives a small nod. “Yeah. I think so.” 

“Well maybe I’m trying to turn over a new leaf,” Penelope responds nonchalantly. 

Josie reaches forward and ever-so-gently tucks a loose curl of Penelope’s raven hair behind her ear and then lets her fingertips linger for a few moments upon Penelope’s cheek. Penelope feels her breath slightly catch as she fights the urge to fully lean into it. “Promise me something?”

“Anything,” Penelope eagerly replies.

“No more lies, okay?” 

And instantaneously, Penelope’s whole body stiffness. No. Not that… Anything but that one request. It’s the one promise she can’t uphold. 

Penelope swallows down the dry lump of emotions bubbling up within her throat and then ever so subtly moves her hand behind her back and crosses her fingers. “Okay.” 

“Good.” Josie smiles in return. Penelope starts to open her mouth to say something-- anything-- more, but before she can manage to utter a single word, the bell rings.

“Shit. I’m going to be late to History of Ruins,” Josie says as a look of panic sweeps across her face. “Let's talk later… Maybe during study hall?”

“Sure.” And once again, Penelope finds herself utterly frozen, unable to do anything more than watch as Josie disappears from sight. 

God, is this going to be harder than she ever imagined.

[lavenderhazelover]

my lovely ladies @satans-helper and @gretavanyeeeeet tagged me in this & I'm stoked about it. Let’s do this. 

1. What is your middle name?

Nicole..... basic

2. How old are you?

24

3. When is your birthday?

June 12th 

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Gemini 

5. What is your favourite colour?

purple and silver 

6. What’s your lucky number?

22 or 00:00

7. Do you have any pets?

my cat winter who is a lil diva 

8. Where are you from?

Georgia

9. How tall are you?

5'9.5″ I refuse to claim 5′10″ lol

10. What shoe size are you?

8.5 or 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

maybe like 20

12. What was your last dream about?

walking into the preschool for my field experience and forgetting everything I know about kids

13. What talents do you have?

my friend told me today making my boobs dance (like Terry Crews) is one lol and I would say my gif/meme reactions to people’s posts, photos, texts, etc. They are pretty spot on 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

My women’s intuition has never let me down. 

15. Favourite song?

Flower Power - GVF or Fancy by Reba McEntire

16. Favourite movie?

Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

The male version of my best friend lmao. or sam kiszka, who is probably the male version of her if I had to guess. really just someone who is goofy and thinks I'm the funniest person they know. 

18. Do you want children?

I want a whole slew of them

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nah. More of a “let’s elope” kind of gal. 

20. Are you religious?

Yes. Jesus is my homie. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes, I was on the verge of kidney failure. But look at me now, surviving not thriving. 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Just speeding tickets.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Troy from Swamp People LOL

24. Baths or showers?

Showers unless its winter and I need to warm my bones up then its baths.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Barefoot

26. Have you ever been famous?

In the reality show in my mind, yes yes I have. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

No. Just famous enough to hangout with celebrities I want to hangout with but not cool enough to have my privacy invaded. 

28. What type of music do you like?

There’s not much music I don’t listen to. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times. 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

like 5

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

all of them. I am a wild sleeper. 

32. How big is your house?

Small

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

pop tarts or toaster strudels lmao. I am a child.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

heck no

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I'm into it

36. Favourite clean word?

fart and heifer 

37. Favorite swear word?

biiiiiitch. (if I ever call you bitch, just know I’ve used the most enduring pet name I can offer) 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

around 36 hours. not by choice, but because people wouldn't stop dying. 

39. Do you have any scars?

Si 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

In 6th grade.

41. Are you a good liar?

oh heck yeah. this is why I would totally win Survivor or Big Brother. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

hundred percent. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

not well, but I still try

44. Do you have a strong accent?

maybe. I did not realize how southern my accent was until I left the south. 

45. What is your favourite accent?

all of them. I love hearing each person’s unique accent. 

46. What is your personality type?

goofy as hellllll

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I don’t purchase much over $30 because ballin on a budget

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

are we talking belly buttons? mine is both

50. Left or right-handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

of all bugs

52. Favourite food?

hot wangs or Taco Bell 

53. Favourite foreign food?

pasta

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean, housekeeping ruined me. 

55. Most used phrase?

....litty titty or that's what she said or I wish a heifer would (I h8 myself)

56. Most used word?

heifer 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

20 minutes usually 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

kind of... especially is someone says I'm not funny. I crumble. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both. I am trying to get to the middle of that blow pop

60. Do you talk to yourself?

all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself?

all the time

62. Are you a good singer?

not even close

63. Biggest Fear?

my mom dying and snakes 

64. Are you a gossip?

no, but I do tell my best friend EVERYTHING. so just to her?

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Um, Forrest Gump (does that count lmao) 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

All hair

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I work at an elementary school..... so in other words, “fifty nifty United States from thirteen original colonies. Shout em, scout em, tell all about em, one by one till we’ve given a day to every state in the USA.... Allllabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas....” you get it lol. 

68. Favourite school subject?

History

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Both

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no 

71. What makes you nervous?

Human Interaction

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Dark outside, but not dark inside... if that makes sense. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no. I hate conflict. 

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I hope not

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

as a teacher, yes. 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yes, no regerts 

79. Who was your first real crush?

His name was Brett. He was also my first kiss. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my first hole in my ears. I use to have my nipples pierced and I miss them. 

81. Can you roll your R’s?

oh heck yeah. It’s that Spanish blood. 

82. How fast can you type?

decently fast. 

83. How fast can you run?

I do not run

84. What colour is your hair?

dark brown

85. What color is your eyes?

dark brown......boring

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes

88. What do your parents do?

my dad is a mortician and not sure what my mom does lmao oops 

89. Do you like your age?

my 20s have been the best years so far

90. What makes you angry?

ignorant people, people who say the R word, people who treat children as if they’re not human beings (aka other TEACHERS I work with)

91. Do you like your own name?

its chill 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

yes

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I'm not picky 

94. What are you strengths?

my loyalty and honesty 

95. What are your weaknesses?

my struggle to say no when people ask things of me 

96. How did you get your name?

My parents choose it for my brother had he been a girl and then just used it when they had me. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Probably, I mean I'm too cool to not come from royalty. 

98. Do you have any scars?

si 

99. Colour of your bedspread?

grey

100. Colour of your room?

idk honestly. the girl who lived in it before me painted it. its some random color. 

I’m tagging: @safarimama @saywecanart @flowrxchild @gretavanshellie @camomillacatalina @moonchildwildheart @shesouttasight @lantern-inthenight @myownparadise96 @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @bigthighsandstupidguys

[waste-the-nite]

Friends don’t // Ben Hardy

Basically it’s different occasions based off the song “friends don’t” by Maddie and tae.

Disclaimer : um this is my first story and it kinda sucks so yeahh but I had fun writing it, so whoever reads this I hope you enjoy!

********

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

I groaned as my phone vibrated on my side table next to my bed. Cracking my eyes opened I looked at the clock on the table, 3:27am. I debated on just ignoring the call, but thought it could be an emergency about my family or one of my friends. I reached over and grabbed my phone, seeing the name “Ben” on the screen. I put the phone to my ear after I swiped and answer the call.

“Ben is everything okay ?” I asked, sitting up just in case I needed to leave right away.

“Hey (y/n), everything’s fine” He said, “shit sorry I totally forgot about the time zones”

I sighed because he woke me up at 3am, but relaxed because he was okay. It made me a bit sad remembering he was still in America. He has been there for almost four months and wasn’t sure when he’d be coming back. Since it is 3am where I was, that means it was 8am where he was.

“Seriously Ben” I groaned, letting out a heavy breath of air, “It’s fine, I’ve been wanting to talk to you anyways, guess now is a good time”

“I’m really sorry, I totally spaced on the whole time zone thing, I’ve just missed you these last few days and just wanted to say “hi”, so hi.” He explain, letting out a little laugh at the end.

I smiled slightly at the thought of him missing me, “I missed you too, it’s been horrible not talking to you lately”

“Well since we both have been miserable without each other, tell me how’ve you been.”

We ended up talking for longer than I expected. We talked about my job and school, about what he’s been doing out in LA and New York and other random stuff. By the time we were getting ready to hang up it was 7am and I was very tired.

“Okay Benny, I gotta go and get some more sleep before my class later. I’m really happy we got a chance to talk” I mumbled into the phone.

“Alright love, thanks for keeping me company, I’ll see you soon” He replied.

“Promise ?”

“Promise, love you”

“Love you too Ben” I said, before hanging up.

I couldn’t stop the smile that made its way to my face before I fell asleep. I was so happy I got the chance to catch up with him, and maybe I slept through my alarm for class but i definitely don’t regret it.

********

They don't almost say "I love you"

When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk

They don't talk about the future and put each other in it

There was music playing from the band that was on stage, drinks in our hands, and smiles on our faces. Ben and I decided to go out to party, a bar somewhere downtown. It was a bit crowded but not to the point where there was no room to breath.

Multiple girls had come up to Ben, flirting and offering to buy him a drink. To which he respectfully declined. I was confused as to why, he usually goes off with someone by the end of the night. There were some good looking guys here but none of them are what I’m looking for.

Ben and I had been talking about anything and everything. People probably thought it was weird that we came here and talked instead of hooking up with someone. But honestly I’d rather just sit and talk with Ben.

“So in ten years, where do you see yourself?” Ben had asked, taking a sip from his beer.

I hummed thinking about where I did see myself ten years from now, “Well hopefully, I’ll be an teacher by then, married with kids and a cute dog” I replied with a smile, “How about you ?”

“I hope I’ll still be acting, maybe I’ll have a few big successful movies under my belt” He said, he had this hopeful and wishing look on his face , “I think I’d wanna be married by then, a kid or two, of course we’d still be doing our breakfast dates every Tuesday.”

I smiled at that, “You see me in your future ?” I asked, kind of surprised.

“Of course! You’re one of my best friends who knows where I’d be without you” He laughed, “Besides who would force me to watch ‘the bachelorette’ with them every other movie night”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t stop the redness that came to my face. I always imagined us being friends for a really long time but I didn’t know he did too. He was watching the band up front, giving me a chance to look at him. His hair was kind of flat pressed against his face due to the heat and closeness of people in here. His eyes bright as he looked around at people. Honestly beautiful he was.

He looked at me and smiled, “God I-”, ‘i love you’ looking down and letting out a breath, “I need another drink, how about you ?”

“Yeah I could use another one” He said, looking back into the crowd, “I’ll be right back, order me another drink, yeah ?”

Before I could say anything he was out of his seat and making his way across the room. Stopping in front a pretty red-head, smiling at her leaning in close to talk over the music. I let out a sigh, looking away and ordering another drink.

********

I keep telling myself this might be nothing

But one look in your eyes and, God, there's something

I wiped my hands on the back of my jeans, my nerves were getting the best of me. I shouldn’t even be nervous, it’s just a party at Gwilym’s, I go to them all the time. But this time is different. It’s different because now I know how I really feel about Ben.

Over the last few months I’ve really been thinking about my friendship with Ben. I realized how different my feelings for him are compared to my feeling for my other guy friends. When I think about Ben I get this weird feeling, something I never felt before. Being around him as been difficult, I just wanna lean over a kiss him.

Sometimes, when it’s just Ben and I hanging out, joking around and stuff, he’ll get this look in his eyes. It’s like all the happiness in the world is in his eyes. But I blink for a quick second and then it’s gone. Maybe I was just imagining it, I’m praying I wasn’t.

I let out a heavy breath trying to gather myself, turned off my car and got out. If I don’t go inside now I probably never would. Walking up to the door i almost turned back to my car a couple of times but before I could the door was thrown open and joe was stand there.

“(y/n)! You’re finally here, about time” He pulled me into a hug before leading me into the house.

There were people all over the place, some of them I knew, others I didn’t. I smiled at a few people as Joe continued to pull me through the room and into the kitchen.

“Look who I found!” Joe called out.

“(y/n) hey it’s great to see you, I’m happy you could make it” Gwilym smiled and gave me a small side hug.

“Yeah me too, thanks for inviting me” I replied.

I hadn’t seen Ben yet, maybe i wouldn’t even run into him. I could easily avoid him, just stay on the opposite side of the house. Gwilym handed me a drink, asking how I’ve been and what I’ve been up to. It was nice, talking to them again, I feel like i haven’t seen there in forever.

I guess the whole avoidin Ben thing is easier said than done. I was on my third drink when he walked into the kitchen, a girl holding onto his arm. I’ve never seen her before, I’m guessing he just met her at the party. I glanced into the other room, wondering if I could get away before he saw me. I obviously didn’t move fast enough because a second later he was walking over to me.

“Hey (y/n)” He smiles and hugged me, “haven’t seen you in forever”

“Yeah sorry I’ve been busy with work” I replied, but in reality, I’ve been canceling our plans.

/////

Ben introduced me to his friend, heather, she was nice. Which made it kind of hard to not like her. We were all sitting around in the living room talking. Unfortunately I was next to Ben, our legs pressing together.

Everyone was chatting with one another, I could feel Ben staring at me, I tried to ignore it but eventually I turned to look at him. We didn’t say anything for a while, just sitting there staring at each other’s face. I wondered if anyone noticed, but I didn’t look away to check.

I wanted to reach up and run my fingers through his hair, lean over and kiss him, really anything that gave me physically contact with him. I’m not sure how long we sat there staring into each other’s eyes, but he looked like he wanted to say something to me. As soon as he opened his mouth Heather called his name. He blinked slowly before turning to her. I didn’t move my eyes from his face.

I wasn’t listening to what they were saying but the next thing I know they’re both standing up, saying goodbye to us and walking out the room. Before they completely left the room, Ben turned and look back at me, giving a small smile. I closed my eyes, wishing that he was still sitting next to me.

Let’s just say I spent the rest of that night drinking and hoping that one day, Ben saw me the way I see him.

[surveysonfleek]

1306.

Personality

I’m loud

I’m obnoxious

I’m sarcastic

I’m cocky

I cry easily

I have a bad temper

For the most part, I don’t like people

I’m easy to get along with

I like to fight

I have more enemies than friends

I’ve smoked

I’ve smoked weed

I drink coffee

I clean my room daily

I cannot open up to others

I wish I can tell those close what is wrong with me but I can’t

I am extroverted

I am introverted

I don’t care most of the time

I am lazy

I am cynical

I am idealistic

I am realistic

I am a dreamer

About You

I am straight

I am bisexual

I am pansexual

I am demisexual

I am asexual

I am another sexuality that isn’t listed

I rather not reveal my sexuality on tumblr

I am cis

I am a transgender

I am non-binary

I am in the closet

I think I might be gay/lesbian

I like what I like

I love myself

I hate myself

My Appearance

I’m shorter than 5’5

I am taller than 5'10

I wear makeup

I wear little to no makeup

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times

I wear contacts

I wear glasses

I’ve had braces

I have braces

I change my hair color often

I straighten my hair often

My ears are pierced

I have small feet

I have a shoe size larger than eight

I have freckles

My teeth are straight

My teeth are crooked

I have scar(s)

Relationships

I’m in a relationship now

I’m in an open relationship

I’m single

I’m single but want to date

I’m crushin’

I’m in friends with benefits

I’ve missed an ex before

I’ve stalked an ex before over social media

An ex has stalked me

I’m always scared of being hurt

An ex has physically abused me at least once

I’ve been cheated on

I cheated on someone

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before/are

A boyfriend/girlfriend made a promise to me that they didn’t keep

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did

I told someone I love them

I haven’t told someone I love them but want to

It’s hard for me to say I love you in a relationship

I’m afraid to say I love you because I know they will leave eventually

I’m afraid to say I love you because I’ve been hurt badly before

I hate the words I love you so I say other things to demonstrate my love

I’ve been in love more than two times

I’ve been in love more than once but won’t admit it

I believe in love at first sight

I believe in soul mates

I believe in an instant click

I believe lust is more important than love

My boyfriend/girlfriend is protective of me

My boyfriend/girlfriend is weird but I like that

My boyfriend/girlfriend may get on my nerves sometimes but I can never truly stay mad at them

Friendships

I have no friends

I have a best friend

I’ve lost a best friend

I have at least ten friends

My best friends live miles away from me

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend

I prefer skyping with my friends

I prefer calling my friends

I prefer texting my friends

I’ve beaten up a friend

A friend has physically abused me

A friend has mentally abused me

I’ve been in a toxic friendship before

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend

I can trust at least five people with my life

My friends are crazy but I love them

I am protective of my friends

I’ve had friends leave me when they had boyfriends

I’m always the butt of my friends jokes

I feel like my friends only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me

My friends are under 18

My friends are over 18

Experiences

I’ve left the state/province

Someone close to me has died

I’ve taken a taxi

I’ve taken a city bus

I’ve been in a subway

I’ve been on a train

I’ve been on a plane

I’ve ridden in a carriage

I’ve taken a school service (like school bus)

I’ve gone bungee jumping

I’ve had a road trip with friends

I’ve made a speech

I’ve been in some sort of club

I’ve won an award

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight

I’ve been in a physical fight

I’ve stolen something

I’ve snuck out before

I saw a shooting star

I wished on a shooting star

Music

I listen to country

I listen to pop

I listen to edm

I listen to rock

I listen to indie

I listen to instrumental

I listen to movie scores

I listen to rap/hip hop

I listen to k-pop

I listen to oldies

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it

I hate the radio

I download music

I buy CD’s

Television

I spend at least six hours a day watching television

I watch soap operas daily

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives

I’ve seen and like The OC

I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill

I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model

I’ve seen and like Popular

I’ve seen and like House

I’ve seen and like 24

I’ve seen and like CSI

I’ve seen and like Everwood

I’ve seen and like Doctor Who

I’ve seen and like The Vampire Diaries

I’ve seen and like Teen Wolf

I’ve seen and like Family Guy

I’ve seen and like Gilmore Girls

I’ve seen and like Big Brother

I’ve seen and like MTV Reality Shows

I’ve seen and like Pretty Little Liars

I’ve seen and like Sherlock

I’ve seen and like Supernatural

I’ve seen and like How I Met Your Mother

I’ve seen and like Sailor Moon

I’ve seen and like Grey’s Anatomy

I’ve seen and like something that everyone would hate

I’ve seen and dislike something that everyone would love

Family Life

I get along with both of my parents

My biological parents are still together

My mother abandoned me

My father abandoned me

I can’t help but be sad that one of my parents left me

I have at least one brother

I have at least one sister

I have at least one step brother/sister

I have at least one half brother/sister

I have pets

I’ve been kicked out of the house

I’ve been grounded before

I’ve been scolded before

My parents have been verbally abusive

I’ve ran away from my home

I’ve sworn at my parents

I’ve made my parents cry

My parents are very chill

My parents are strict

My parents are disappointed in me

My parents want what is best for me

I feel like I am disappointing my parents

I am hiding something from my parents

I am close with my mom

I am close with my dad

I am close with a step-parent

I’ve lied to my parents

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out

I’ve lied to my parents about being single

I’ve lied to my parents about my sexuality

I’ve lied to my parents about school

I normally ask the other parent if one tells me no

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded

I’ve walked out in the middle of an argument

Hair

I’ve cut my hair in the past year

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year

I’ve been blonde

I’ve had black

I’ve been red

I’ve been light brown

I’ve been medium brown

I’ve been brown

I’ve had streaks

I’ve had purple/pink

I’ve been blue/green

I’ve gotten my hair thinned

I use conditioner

I’ve used silk therapy

I’ve used hot oil treatments

I’ve curled my hair

I’ve straightened my hair

I’ve braided my hair

I’ve had\want dreadlocks

Currently

I am currently content

I am happy

I am currently sad

I am currently irritated

I am currently numb

I am angry

I am feeling suicidal

I think I’ve made someone angry

I think I’ve made someone upset

Someone is ignoring me

Someone is angry at me

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life

I feel like I’m going to be losing someone in the next two months

I want to drink

I want to smoke

I want to drive

I want to cry

School

I’ve thrown something at a teacher

I’ve yelled at a teacher

I’ve been suspended

I’ve had an in-school suspension

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office

I should of had truancy

I should have been expelled

I should have been suspended

I’ve walked out of class

I’ve skipped an entire day of school

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class

I’ve failed a test

I’ve cheated on a test

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test

I’ve failed Art

I’ve failed P.E

I’ve failed Math

I’ve failed Science

I’ve failed another class

A teacher has called my parents

A teacher has called my parents for a parent-teacher conference

I’ve been caught skipping

I’ve been on the honor roll

I’ve been on effort honor roll

Random

I think nerds are cute

A stranger has complimented me before

I always hold the door open if somebody behind me is going through the same door

The last shoes I wore were black

I own a pair of white flip flops

I have a personal xanga

I have a roleplay blog

I doodle on my notes during class sometimes

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday

Halloween is my favorite holiday

Christmas is my favorite holiday

I actually study for tests

I actually do big papers before the night it’s due

I cannot do a cartwheel

I can do a handstand underwater

I’m physically affectionate toward certain friends

I have not tried tomato soup with grilled cheese

I use AIM

I use Skype

I use Oovoo

I have the old version of AIM because I like it better than the new one

I’ve never had the chicken pox

I hate leaving voicemails

I like stuffed crust pizza

I have a scanner

I was named after somebody or something

I have a unique name

I hate my name

I do not have a tattoo

There’s a piece of jewelry that I wear daily

I shower at night

I shower during the day

I shower early morning

I prefer the sunrise over the sunset

The walls in my room are a color other than white

I have a picture of myself kissing somebody

My friends like to carry me around

I’m constantly misplacing my chapstick

I wear gray eyeliner

I’m not afraid of snakes

I’m not afraid of spiders

I’m not afraid of insects

I don’t get sick easily

I get sick easily

I like green tea ice cream

My nails are naturally healthy and strong

I have a job

I hate my job

I am looking for a second job

I have my own car

I still live with my parents

When I was little, I loved string cheese

I have to pee right now

When I’m trying not to cuss, I yell out gibberish

I want a pet chinchilla

I love it when my car has a full tank of gas

We don’t have a desktop computer at my house

I don’t own a laptop

I want a laptop

My parents are from a country that isn’t the one we currently reside in

I dislike the wind

I dislike rain

I dislike snow

I’ve had 5+ piercings throughout my life

I’m the shortest adult in my family

I am the tallest adult in my family

I am the heaviest in my family

I am the thinnest in my family

I know someone is ignoring me

I almost always do my homework

My name ends in a vowel

I sing and dance obnoxiously when I’m home alone

I am obsessed with musicals

I am obsessed with horror

I am obsessed with action/drama

I am obsessed with romance

I like the way mango smells

I prefer silver over gold

I prefer white gold over silver

I already have plans for my future wedding

I fear I’ll end up being alone

My bathing suit is a two piece

I’ve taught somebody how to swim before

I cannot swim

The last highlighter I used was yellow

I know the first three ballet positions

I am a Taurus

I am a Cancer

I am a Libra

I am a Sagittarius

I find astrology interesting

I have masturbated before

I have wanted to push someone down the stairs

[nostalgiaispeace]

885.

Bold Survey,

Personality

I’m loud

I’m obnoxious

I’m sarcastic

I’m cocky

I cry easily

I have a bad temper

For the most part, I don’t like people

I’m easy to get along with

I like to fight

I have more enemies than friends

I’ve smoked

I’ve smoked weed

I drink coffee

I clean my room daily

I cannot open up to others

I wish I can tell those close what is wrong with me but I can’t

I am extroverted

I am introverted

I don’t care most of the time

I am lazy

I am cynical

I am idealistic

I am realistic

I am a dreamer

About You

I am straight

I am bisexual

I am pansexual

I am demisexual

I am asexual

I am another sexuality that isn’t listed

I rather not reveal my sexuality on tumblr

I am cis

I am a transgender

I am non-binary

I am in the closet

I think I might be gay/lesbian

I like what I like

I love myself

I hate myself

My Appearance

I’m shorter than 5’5

I am taller than 5'10

I wear makeup

I wear little to no makeup

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times

I wear contacts

I wear glasses

I’ve had braces

I have braces

I change my hair color often

I straighten my hair often

My ears are pierced

I have small feet

I have a shoe size larger than eight

I have freckles

My teeth are straight

My teeth are crooked

I have scar(s)

Relationships

I’m in a relationship now

I’m in an open relationship

I’m single

I’m single but want to date

I’m crushin’

I’m in friends with benefits

I’ve missed an ex before

I’ve stalked an ex before over social media

An ex has stalked me

I’m always scared of being hurt

An ex has physically abused me at least once

I’ve been cheated on

I cheated on someone

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship before/are

A boyfriend/girlfriend made a promise to me that they didn’t keep

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did

I told someone I love them

I haven’t told someone I love them but want to

It’s hard for me to say I love you in a relationship

I’m afraid to say I love you because I know they will leave eventually

I’m afraid to say I love you because I’ve been hurt badly before

I hate the words I love you so I say other things to demonstrate my love

I’ve been in love more than two times

I’ve been in love more than once but won’t admit it

I believe in love at first sight

I believe in soul mates

I believe in an instant click

I believe lust is more important than love

My boyfriend/girlfriend is protective of me

My boyfriend/girlfriend is weird but I like that

My boyfriend/girlfriend may get on my nerves sometimes but I can never truly stay mad at them

Friendships

I have no friends

I have a best friend

I’ve lost a best friend

I have at least ten friends

My best friends live miles away from me

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend

I prefer skyping with my friends

I prefer calling my friends

I prefer texting my friends

I’ve beaten up a friend

A friend has physically abused me

A friend has mentally abused me

I’ve been in a toxic friendship before

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend

I can trust at least five people with my life

My friends are crazy but I love them

I am protective of my friends

I’ve had friends leave me when they had boyfriends

I’m always the butt of my friends jokes

I feel like my friends only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me

My friends are under 18

My friends are over 18

Experiences

I’ve left the state/province

Someone close to me has died

I’ve taken a taxi

I’ve taken a city bus

I’ve been in a subway

I’ve been on a train

I’ve been on a plane

I’ve ridden in a carriage

I’ve taken a school service (like school bus)

I’ve gone bungee jumping

I’ve had a road trip with friends

I’ve made a speech

I’ve been in some sort of club

I’ve won an award

I’ve spent 24 hours on the computer straight

I’ve been in a physical fight

I’ve stolen something

I’ve snuck out before

I saw a shooting star

I wished on a shooting star

Music

I listen to country

I listen to pop

I listen to edm

I listen to rock

I listen to indie

I listen to instrumental

I listen to movie scores

I listen to rap/hip hop

I listen to k-pop

I listen to oldies

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it

I hate the radio

I download music

I buy CD’s

Television

I spend at least six hours a day watching television

I watch soap operas daily

I’m in love with Days Of Our Lives

I’ve seen and like The OC

I’ve seen and like One Tree Hill

I’ve seen and like America’s Next Top Model

I’ve seen and like Popular

I’ve seen and like House

I’ve seen and like 24

I’ve seen and like CSI

I’ve seen and like Everwood

I’ve seen and like Doctor Who

I’ve seen and like The Vampire Diaries

I’ve seen and like Teen Wolf

I’ve seen and like Family Guy

I’ve seen and like Gilmore Girls

I’ve seen and like Big Brother

I’ve seen and like MTV Reality Shows

I’ve seen and like Pretty Little Liars

I’ve seen and like Sherlock

I’ve seen and like Supernatural

I’ve seen and like How I Met Your Mother

I’ve seen and like Sailor Moon

I’ve seen and like Grey’s Anatomy

I’ve seen and like something that everyone would hate

I’ve seen and dislike something that everyone would love

Family Life

I get along with both of my parents

My biological parents are still together

My mother abandoned me

My father abandoned me

I can’t help but be sad that one of my parents left me

I have at least one brother

I have at least one sister

I have at least one step brother/sister

I have at least one half brother/sister

I have pets

I’ve been kicked out of the house

I’ve been grounded before

I’ve been scolded before

My parents have been verbally abusive

I’ve ran away from my home

I’ve sworn at my parents

I’ve made my parents cry

My parents are very chill

My parents are strict

My parents are disappointed in me

My parents want what is best for me

I feel like I am disappointing my parents

I am hiding something from my parents

I am close with my mom

I am close with my dad

I am close with a step-parent

I’ve lied to my parents

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out

I’ve lied to my parents about being single

I’ve lied to my parents about my sexuality

I’ve lied to my parents about school

I normally ask the other parent if one tells me no

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded

I’ve walked out in the middle of an argument

Hair

I’ve cut my hair in the past year

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year

I’ve been blonde

I’ve had black

I’ve been red

I’ve been light brown

I’ve been medium brown

I’ve been brown

I’ve had streaks

I’ve had purple/pink

I’ve been blue/green

I’ve gotten my hair thinned

I use conditioner

I’ve used silk therapy

I’ve used hot oil treatments

I’ve curled my hair

I’ve straightened my hair

I’ve braided my hair

I’ve had\want dreadlocks

Currently

I am currently content

I am happy

I am currently sad

I am currently irritated

I am currently numb

I am angry

I am feeling suicidal

I think I’ve made someone angry

I think I’ve made someone upset

Someone is ignoring me

Someone is angry at me

I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life

I feel like I’m going to be losing someone in the next two months

I want to drink

I want to smoke

I want to drive

I want to cry

School

I’ve thrown something at a teacher

I’ve yelled at a teacher

I’ve been suspended

I’ve had an in-school suspension

I’ve been sent to the principal’s office

I should of had truancy

I should have been expelled

I should have been suspended

I’ve walked out of class

I’ve skipped an entire day of school

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class

I’ve failed a test

I’ve cheated on a test

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test

I’ve failed Art

I’ve failed P.E

I’ve failed Math

I’ve failed Science

I’ve failed another class

A teacher has called my parents

A teacher has called my parents for a parent-teacher conference

I’ve been caught skipping

I’ve been on the honor roll

I’ve been on effort honor roll

Random

I think nerds are cute

A stranger has complimented me before

I always hold the door open if somebody behind me is going through the same door

The last shoes I wore were black

I own a pair of white flip flops

I have a personal xanga

I have a roleplay blog

I doodle on my notes during class sometimes

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday

Halloween is my favorite holiday

Christmas is my favorite holiday

I actually study for tests

I actually do big papers before the night it’s due

I cannot do a cartwheel

I can do a handstand underwater

I’m physically affectionate toward certain friends

I have not tried tomato soup with grilled cheese

I use AIM

I use Skype

I use Oovoo

I have the old version of AIM because I like it better than the new one

I’ve never had the chicken pox

I hate leaving voicemails

I like stuffed crust pizza

I have a scanner

I was named after somebody or something

I have a unique name

I hate my name

I do not have a tattoo

There’s a piece of jewelry that I wear daily

I shower at night

I shower during the day

I shower early morning

I prefer the sunrise over the sunset

The walls in my room are a color other than white

I have a picture of myself kissing somebody

My friends like to carry me around

I’m constantly misplacing my chapstick

I wear gray eyeliner

I’m not afraid of snakes

I’m not afraid of spiders

I’m not afraid of insects

I don’t get sick easily

I get sick easily

I like green tea ice cream

My nails are naturally healthy and strong

I have a job

I hate my job

I am looking for a second job

I have my own car

I still live with my parents

When I was little, I loved string cheese

I have to pee right now

When I’m trying not to cuss, I yell out gibberish

I want a pet chinchilla

I love it when my car has a full tank of gas

We don’t have a desktop computer at my house

I don’t own a laptop

I want a laptop

My parents are from a country that isn’t the one we currently reside in

I dislike the wind

I dislike rain

I dislike snow

I’ve had 5+ piercings throughout my life

I’m the shortest adult in my family

I am the tallest adult in my family

I am the heaviest in my family

I am the thinnest in my family

I know someone is ignoring me

I almost always do my homework

My name ends in a vowel

I sing and dance obnoxiously when I’m home alone

I am obsessed with musicals

I am obsessed with horror

I am obsessed with action/drama

I am obsessed with romance

I like the way mango smells

I prefer silver over gold

I prefer white gold over silver

I already have plans for my future wedding

I fear I’ll end up being alone

My bathing suit is a two piece

I’ve taught somebody how to swim before

I cannot swim

The last highlighter I used was yellow

I know the first three ballet positions

I am a Taurus

I am a Cancer

I am a Libra

I am a Sagittarius

I find astrology interesting

I have masturbated before

I have wanted to push someone down the stairs

[feraldavestrider]

i never check my mentions apparently @alpacalmond and @uiyutrentasei tagged me in a GTKM thing so im gonna do it oh uhhhh 2 weeks later LOL because i cant sleep and i hate myself

i tag @hal-strider if they didnt do it? and @noctiilucent, @kiyumiarashi, @whimsicmimic and @ataliaf uwu and anyone else who wants to do it!!

how tall are you: this is a cryptid question. i get a different result every time i try to measure myself and ive never asked anyone else to do it for me. some people tell me im very short, others have told me im average height for someone who is afab. im gonna hazard a guess at 5′5 tho.

what colour are your eyes: very dark brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: glasses. i literally CANNOT see without them. i mean like 2 inches from my glasses-less face is so blurry its unbelievable. i get super triggered by eye stuff tho so contacts are a no go ALSO i look weird w/o glasses anyway.

do you wear braces: no my teeth r p good actually. one is a bit wonky but thats life

what is your fashion style: i mean 90% panties and a sweaty 4 day tshirt because i just spend all day in my room like a goblin. BUT when i actually go out im ur basic ass post-emo trans dude with skinny jeans, converse and a too-big graphic tee. sometimes i spice it up with a plaid shirt because im fuckin GAY.

when were you born: october 12th 1999, babey

how old are you: 18 motherfucker flashes my titties and gulps a bottle of vodka im an ADULT

do you have any siblings: yes. a younger brother and hes a cunt

what school/college do you go to: im at sixth form rn (last yr of highschool technically if ur american but im not and hs finishes at 16 yrs old here deal with it). im going uni next yr tho and this years almost over for me academically since we go on study leave soon for our final exams. uwu overshares

what kind of student are you: the asshole who never studies for tests and does homework at 5am the morning before and still manages to pull straight As to everyones anger. im also the adhd class clown who makes random noises and cant concentrate half the time. ik i hate myself too im so annoying irl even more so than online.

what are your favorite subjects: in terms of actual content of the subject, english lit fs. in terms of classmates/teachers/general atmosphere DEFFO drama we spend half of our time eating cake, singing random shit and just losing our minds while filming it on snapchat which shouldnt at all be allowed.

what are your favorite movies: god idek. um. fuck. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i cant think of a single movie. ok ok ok i got it: white chicks, premium rush, scott pilgrim vs the world, the cornetto triology too i just love edgar hes such a great director. i like a lot of the marvel movies esp the spiderman hc and thor ragnorok and both gotg were p good. i love a lot of movies my brains just a void that sucks memories up into its fat gob and steals them from me forever.

what are your pastimes: sleeping, crying, used to be rping but i gave up on that, playing overwatch way too much and getting tilted because im shit, reading fanfictions did i say sleeping

do you have many regrets: dude. my guy. come in close. let me whisper in ur ear. are you close? no, closer. ok. 

YES

what is your dream job: whoo boy. im do indecisive and i think a LOT of jobs seem super cool that id never do i.e. be an actor or be in a band. my dream job since i was like 8 was to be a writer which is unlikely since i cant even finish a pwp oneshot. but thatd be cool. id also like to write plays and direct them but thats also wild and v dream > reality. 

would you like to get married: honestly. marriage as an institution? angers me. i dont like a lot of things about it. BUT. part of the reason i hate it is honestly if ur in a long long term relationship with someone ur better off married than not in terms of the benefits so. id happily get married if the other person wanted and/or we felt like it was the right thing to do, i just dont really care about being married or having a wedding tbh.

do you want kids? how many if so: no. hard pass. i might adopt if im long-term with someone who SUPER wants kids but that likely wont happen because i dont want to get into a long-term relationship with someone so desperate for kids since i dont have that same enthusiasm. sorry. ill be ur uncle gabe but im not having my own children im just not well equipped to literally have a full time job of making sure little idiots (meant affectionately) who dont know fuck from shit dont just straight up die. i can barely do that for myself.

how many countries have you visited: shit dude actually ive only visited like... uh... 4??? a lot of my holidays tend to be to the same countries (portugal/america) so i dont have that much experience like i feel like i do.

what was your scariest dream: hmmmm. when i was a kid i had these recurring dreams where i worked at this like. “zoo” where these MASSIVE, i mean ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE string rays that were also pancakes were like. hooked up to make electricity? anyway i hated the job because we all abused the rays super bad to make them generate the power and it sucked and it was all dystopian. there was stuff where like we had to kill the baby rays and stuff. anyway one day it went all planet of the apes and they broke out somehow and could fly and they killed loads of people and i had to go into hiding because they were super clever and could id who had worked at the zoo plant and wanted revenge. its super weird ik but this is pretty tame for my dreams they go HARD and BIZARRE and this one always made me wake up feeling super sick and scared idk. ur welcome.

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: no im lonely but its ok because i need to work on me 

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: ok so i dont really have a “playlist” per se so im just gonna use my top 100 2017 songs on spotify which ignores a lot of my non-spotify non-2017 bangers but whatever.

1) ‘My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark’ by FOB

2) ‘Tuxford Fall’ - Vasudeva

3) ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’ - FOB

4) ‘Fried Noodles: Getter Remix’ - Pink Guy, Getter (listen ive never watched any filthy frank he weirds me out but this is a banger)

5) ‘Brick By Boring Brick’ - Paramore

6) ‘Thnks Fr Th Mmrs’ - FOB (i really dont listen to this much fob this is crazy)

7) ‘Death Note L’s Theme Goes Metal’ - Charlie Parra del Riego (theres no defence for this)

8) ‘Turnstile’ - Vasudeva

9) ‘Idle Worship’ - Paramore

10) ‘Monster’ - Paramore

11) ‘Miss Missing You’ - FOB

12) ‘The City’ - Madeon

13) ‘Far Too Young To Die’ - P!ATD

14) ‘Don’t Stop’ - Nothing More (really this is the band i listen to much smh these results are so skewed)

15) ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ - The Killers

[surveys-r-us]

If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be?

Lyrics from the Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. 

If you could play any musical instrument, what would it be and why? If you already play an instrument(s), what do you play and why?

I wish I actually focused on guitar because by now I’d be halfway decent. 

When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get?

Babe Ruth.

Why do you live in the Washington DC area?

I don’t. 

What is your favorite memory of Christmases past?

Watching the Christmas Story marathon. 

If a movie was being made of your life and you could choose the actor/actress to play you, who would you choose and why?

Lol I dunno. 

Paper or plastic?

If you mean grocery bags, I usually get plastic. I really need to bring my own tho.

What was the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?

This weird noodle dumpling thing with this weird cheese stuff in Budapest. (really great at explaining things)

What do you keep in the trunk of your car?

Right now there’s a pack of napkins that I keep not bringing inside my apartment lol. 

When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why?

I don’t even remember. Probably something that doesn’t actually exist like a ninja lmao. 

If you owned a CB radio what would your “handle” be?

I don’t even know what that is. 

If you were given 24 hrs to live, what would you do?

I dunno. Covid kinda makes that answer hard. 

If you were in the “Miss America” talent competition, what would your talent be?

Lol nothing. 

What do you think the most ultimate gift of the world is?

Lol what?

If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it?

Listening to music since I haven’t really been just sitting and listening to music lately. 

What CD is in your CD player right now?

I haven’t owned a cd player in forever. 

Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with.

No one. 

Name your favorite children’s story.

I can’t even think of one. 

If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why?

My ex who won’t talk to me so we can just have one last actual conversation without things ending how they did. 

What person in the Bible do you most closely identify with?

Isn’t one of the apostles just a straight up dumbass? Cause if so, then them.

What article of clothing most closely describes your personality?

Um a t shirt? 

If you were to write a book what would it be about?

Something fictional

How many rings before you answer the phone?

Depends on who’s calling. 

What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning?

Usually something along the lines of “need coffee now”

If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it?

Travel. Buy a house lol. 

If you had to, what part of your body would you get pierced?

Ears

Who was your favorite teacher and why?

My history teacher from high school. 

What makes you feel the most secure?

Being a burrito in my blankets

Who do you admire the most?

Is it bad I have to think more about this cause idk?

Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it?

Not that I can think of.

What was your nickname growing up?

Muffin lol

Peanut or plain?

Sorry what?

What is your favorite cartoon character & why?

Zuko from Avatar because I’m obsessed with redemption arcs 

How did you learn to ride a bicycle?

My dad helped lol

Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records?

I wouldn’t.

What’s the closest you’ve come to becoming a pop star/winning an Oscar?

Lol what? This survey is stupid

When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it?

I went to Pittsburgh for the first time a few months ago. I probably did something more recently but I’m blanking.

What is your concept of a fruitful day?

“Fruitful day” sounds like something Moira Rose would say. 

What was your favorite thing to play with as a child? Why?

Gameboy, beanie babies, American Girl dolls, legos. 

If you could be any animal in the world for 24 hours, which animal would you be? Why?

A golden retriever in an upper middle class white family. 

Have you ever jumped out of a plane?

No

If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

Donald Trump being president

What is your best personal characteristic?

I like to think I’m empathic. 

What is your favorite quote?

This long F. Scott Fitzgerald one. 

If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?

Cause chaos

What is your favorite weird food combination?

Mac and cheese and barbecue sauce. idk how weird that is though.

If you had to be a flower, which one would you like to be and why?

Sunflower 

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three books and three people would you take with you?

A survival book, the Hamilton biography (bc it’s long) and Goblet of Fire. I’d rather be stranded alone lol 

My biggest pet peeve is…

Most of the shit customers do at my job

What is your favorite commercial? What commercial annoys you the most?

I don’t watch normal tv. 

What’s the most interesting “Ice Breaker” Question you have ever been asked?

Ice breaker questions are rarely interesting 

If you could be an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Why?

Half baked

Name a turning point in your life that makes you smile/cry.

Um college? 

If there were a holiday in your honor what would it celebrate?

I barely celebrate my birthday so no.

What clubs were you a member of in High School? Are you still interested in any of the same things?

I can’t even remember now

If you were to be on a reality TV show which one would you be on and why?

The Challenge lmao. It’s just so chaotic. 

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why?

A travel influencer. 

If someone rented a billboard for you, what would you put on it?

My instagram I guess. 

If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be?

I keep not answering any of these that require a lot of though. 

If you were a Smurf, what would your name be?

Daddy Smurf lmao

What is your worst personality characteristic?

I overthink a lot. 

If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach?

I’d be a business professor probably  

How would you like to be remembered?

Being a kind person I guess

What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)?

My life being a joke. I think most people constantly think about things that aren’t material tho... 

What do you like best about your hometown?

My dog lives there and we have a really good donut place. 

Something interesting you might not know about me is…

I’m left handed? 

[khelinski]

Covfefe - 2020 edition

Me: Haha. I just created a new covfefe piece!

Person. (Of all time, your Favorite President). Woman. (Weak, grab 'em by the pussy). Man. (Putin, treated unfairy). Camera. (Covfefe). TV. (Fake news).

The world whispers in my ear: You are so ten years ago in Trump time.

-Declares war against TicToc because CHI-NA and TicToc users embarrassingly trolled him.

-Declares war against mail-in voting ballots (despite him NEVER visiting a voting booth since 2004, after embarrassing himself in an Access Hollywood video (again)).

-Continues to golf while people are dying/being thrown in unmarked vehicles, and kids are STILL being held in cages near the border.

-Oh, and he proposed for the election to be postponed...which shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that actually paid attention when he 'joked' that he should be President for life.

Me: Come on, orange man. I can't keep up with you and your wannabe dictatorship.  

The world: 'America, fuck yeah' mentality had it coming. But it is starting to freak us out. Could you, like, stop.

Me: We are trying.

Random whiny white Trump supporter: THANK YOU, PRESIDENT TRUMP!!!! THANK GOD YOU ARE MY PRESIDENT!!! TRUMP 2020!

President Trump on Fox News: Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Random whiny white Trump supporter: He is so smart!

Me: Fuck me!

The world: Fuck me.

K.H.; 8/3/2020.

***

Riddle me this - why is it easier for some to believe that Hillary Clinton ran a sex ring operation at a pizza parlor and Tom Hanks is involved in an international pedophile operation (all debunked) than it is to believe that Donald J. Trump is sleazy (his tweets/interviews/the drivel that comes out of his mouth is obvious enough)?

I once wrote a short story about the world being sucked into a black hole in 2012. I am starting to think it actually happened.

K.H.; 7/30/2020.

***

Dear Governor Ron DeSantis (or do you prefer DeathSantis?),

I am posting this video as a reminder of who you were. Were. Not are. Or are you still the buffoon that is in this video? It’s obvious why you put out a video like this during the campaign. It’s obvious which base you were aligning yourself with. And it’s been obvious that your cocky attitude toward Covid-19 (and Fox News/the current President prematurely praising you months ago) put you in the position you are in now: fucked.

You just lost your big party that was going to reside in Jacksonville in August.

All major theme parks cancelled their fall events this year.

Oh, and the realitycheck of it all – Covid-19 numbers are up. So is the death rate. Not so fun fact: death rates affect your voters, regardless if it’s your base or not. Just sayin’.

Now is the time to stop being a Donald Trump twin and actually start to lead. Listen to health experts, for one.

I know at this point, might be too late to roll back the reopening phases. But it’s never too late to mandate masks. I know, I know. The whitey-righty-tighty’s are just going to love that. They will throw tantrums, spit, swear, maybe even whip out a knife or gun because they feel their freedoms are being infringed. Afterall, this is the same America (with the same kind, considerate, empathetic group of people) that were hoarding toilet paper in their stockpile just five months ago. [America, the brave - America, the proud.] They are not exactly a bunch that will be inspired by this new way of life. But, I don’t know, if you, perhaps, possibly, maybe, lead by example – your loyal subjects, ahem, voters, will get behind you.  

But – if DeathSantis has a nice ring to your legacy…continue talking out of your ass and ignoring the problem. That was what the current President was doing for a while. The realitycheck was too much for him to ignore.

K.H.; 7/24/2020.

***

I do have a perfect drinking game for his ‘televised rallies,’ ahem, ‘Covid-19 briefings'…

Take two shots of disinfectant every time he says ‘tremendous,’ ‘we’re doing a great job,’ ‘we’re doing a beautiful job,’ ‘best in the world.’ Take three shots of orange koolaid laced with cheap tequila every time he says ‘CHI-NAA,’ ‘dem-a-crate,’ and ‘fake news.’ Take forty-five shots of Russian Vodka every time he praises Vladimir Putin. And take half a jar of covfefe water every time he pouts or leans as if he is constipated.

K.H.; 7/24/2020.

***

I have no opinion about school's opening up now (or in the fall). I am not a teacher. And I don't have kids (at this point, I am thankful - sorry, not sorry).

But between the Trump wannabe running Florida that proclaims that if Walmart/restaurants are open, schools should be too (and like Trump, ignoring the Covid-19 numbers) & leaving out the fact that Walmart/restaurants have adjusted their operations/hours/or even closed up if Covid-19 affects their/guests well-being; and the politicians (on either side of the fence) that don't shed tears anytime a mass school shooting occurs, but demands schools to be open right this millisecond during an world-wide outbreak - that is a grim reality one has to serious think about, friends.

I would leave it to the health experts to argue whether it's too soon or wait a bit.

Donald Trump is 1/100% right about one thing. School is important. You don't want to become President someday and be unable to speak or spell coherently.

Kids around the world - don't be like the current President of the United Shates. Eat your vegetables. Don't pay someone to do your homework. Also, don't pay hookers to keep their mouth shut. Also, don't participate in locker room talk if you are being recorded (or not being recorded - just don't do it). Also, don't be a racist. Also, don't bring up history when you haven't learned anything from history. In other words, be better for our future than what is currently the standard of 'a stable genius.'

K.H.; 7/10/2020.

***

The year is 2021. After Joe Biden wins the 2020 election, and Donald Trump's reluctance to leave the White House – only leaving when he was told by Sean Hannity that he needs to leave, because, you know, that’s the law, and Donald Trump only listens to Sean Hannity for Presidential advice – Sleepy Grandpa Joe is sworn in.

Just before he finishes being sworn in, Kayne West shows up, interrupts the inauguration, and says:

“Yo Joe, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Trump was one of the best Presidents of all time. One of the best Presidents of all time! My tacky red #MAGA hat makes me feel like Superman. And you all need to praise God – for I am the savior of saviors, the most original artist of all times and I am going to call myself P-Diddy-Tupuc-The Artist, formally known as Prince Kayne West.”

Everyone looks shocked, except Donald Trump, who has a creepy smile on his face. It’s the same facial expression he gives anytime he is around his daughter.

The end (of times).

K.H.; 7/5/2020.

***

I am surprised (but not really) that the whole 'Killary/...but her emails' crowd are not in a complete and utter outrage over Russia's bounty on our soldiers. Covfefe-itis - out of sight, out of mind? 

K.H.; 6/29/2020.

***

I have no opinion about Splash Mountain, much like I have no opinion about Confederate flags/statues, or grocery store items being rephased.

But, I am still raw with emotion in regards to The Great Movie Ride. Just sayin'.

Seriously, I don't have much of an opinion of the matter. Though I am currently residing in central Florida, I grew up in the north - in which, from my recollection, won the civil war. I never understood the appeal/romanticizing of a flag that represented America's low-point in history. Then again, I never understood why there is still a group of people that quotes the bible in the same breath they will shout, 'Jews will not replace us.'

We, as humans, evolve (contrary to some that proclaim evolution does not exist), we keep learning. What we thought was acceptable yesterday is not acceptable today. And what is acceptable today, will not be acceptable tomorrow. That is not liberal-speak, that is fact. Just study history (also, contrary to belief - history is not being erased, for books still exist). And books (literature) of yesteryear often has a foreword or afterword, with added context/intent to explain the times in which the book was written in.

K.H.; 6/25/2020.

***

*breathes in, breathes out*

Covid-19isnotahoax,it'sstillhereandkillin'lives.Don'ttakeadvicefromamanthatcan'tspellhamburgerandthinkswindmillscausescancer.

*breathes in, breathes out*

Blacklivesdomatter.Ifalllivesdidmatterassomeproclaim,whataboutthosekidsthatarestillincagesneartheborder?

*breathes in, breathes out*

PresidentTrump'sracism,arrogance,andthin orangeskinisveryclear.Justreadandlistentohisrecentinterviews,tweets.

*breathes in, breathes out*

Lifeistrulyprecious.Dothethingsyoulove.

*breathes in, breathes out*

Forthosethatneedit,*hugs*

Thatisall.

K.H.; 6/18/2020.

***

A man in a white robe, sandals, and long hair walks down 16th Street. This man is dark skin, Middle Eastern, a Jew, and believes in ‘love your enemy, love your neighbor.’ The whites would see him as a threat, just by the look of him – and demand for him to be locked up, taken away, shipped out of the country. The President would label him a terrorist in a Tweet. And yet – he is the symbol of everyone that misinterprets his teachings.

Scholars would debate he even existed. Whether he existed or not, the Son of God’s complete persona has been cherry-picked to fit a person’s agenda (political or otherwise – even though, according to religious people – faith can’t be politicized, even though, it is since the dawn of religion). The hypocrisy of faith being good grows generation to generation as people rationalize evil ‘in the name of God.’ The sad, long history of genocide, rape, misogyny, racism, pedophilia is often associated with a religious fanatic, twisting words of so-called ‘faith’ into propaganda. This is nothing new. And yet, it keeps happening.

Now, imagine if you will - Jesus magically appears (poof) – as the prophecy proclaims. He doesn’t descend from the sky, but instead, walks down 16th street or Main Street or any street in this country. He is dark skin, Middle Eastern, a Jew, and believes in ‘love your enemy, love your neighbor.’ Given the prejudice that already exists in regards to skin color – do you really think the country that loves to throw ‘God and America’ on the same Made in China baseball hat, would be open arms to Jesus? They might be open to bare arms, but I don’t think they would be welcoming.

I don’t mean to offend anyone - yet, I am utterly confused why, after all this time (and years and decades and centuries), the conservative side of the fence prides itself having faith and Jesus on their side, when the very things they are against (or for) are anti-Jesus.

Of course, that is the perception of an Atheist (me). If I am completely off-base here, fine - ignore and scroll along.

But, once again - Jesus = a Middle Eastern man, who happens to be a Jew, dark skin, and believes in ‘love your enemy, love your neighbor’ walks down the street at the same time a handful of protestors are being tear-gassed so the President of the United States can lean (not stand) next to a church and have pictures flash at him as he is awkwardly holding a bible…W.W.J.D.?

K.H.; 6/6/2020.

***

Once upon a time, there was no racism at all. I CAN’T BREATHE. Everyone got along with each other. I CAN’T BREATHE. There was no indifference, intolerance, and prejudices against anyone. I CAN’T BREATHE. People saw people as people. I CAN’T BREATHE. A person’s individuality was his or her self-worth, and everyone was worthy of being worthy. I CAN’T BREATHE. There were conflicting opinions about various topics, but were debated openly through philosophical discussions. I CAN’T BREATHE. Police existed to give that occasional speeding ticket, and to keep law & order in case those philosophical discussions turn hostile. I CAN’T BREATHE. I am not a racist. I CAN’T BREATHE. But. I CAN'T BREATHE. All lives matter. I CAN’T BREATHE. If only they protested peacefully. I CAN’T BREATHE. They are thugs. I CAN’T BREATHE. And I am perfect. I CAN’T BREATHE. #MAGA loves black people. I CAN’T BREATHE. The shooting starts when the looting starts. I CAN’T BREATHE. Blue lives matter. I CAN’T BREATHE. My life (only) matters. I CAN’T BREATHE. Racism doesn't exist. I CAN'T BREATHE.

"I. CAN’T. BREATHE." - George Floyd, 46.

5/31/2020.; K.H.

***

Rebuttal Myself, gaslight, and #maga!

“My fellow Americans…it seems the fake news and lamestream media, excluding Fox News, which is neither fake or lame – is running a story that I, President Donald Trump, the best President there ever was and will ever be, told Americans to inject themselves with disinfectant. I never said that. I hardly knew the guy that said that. The person that said that was a day less stable and less of a genius. That person is smarter now. I, afterall, surround myself with the best people. And I consider myself the best. I know it. And you know it too. We are doing great things, amazing things, tremendous things. Numbers are up, numbers are down, highest polls in the history of polls. And the ratings - better than Obama's! I could be golfing or holding rallies or doing great trade deals with other countries that don’t screw us. I could be with my friend, Rocket Man, who is very sick right now. You fake people aren’t running stories about that. Instead, every evening, I come in here and talk to you fake people. You are fake. You are hacks. You are scum. Your reporting is mediocre. Everyday, you run a story about how President Donald Trump is doing a bad job. And I, out of everyone, know President Donald Trump is doing a good job. I talk to him everyday. I never said the things I said, and don’t mean the things I mean. You people should be ashamed of yourself – running such fake stories about the President. I mean, if another person was President like me, and did exactly what a President like me would do, I wouldn’t be running fake stories about myself. This is an unprecedented time. The Invisible Enemy of the people is with us. Not you fake people, although, you are still Enemy of the People. No – the Covfefe Virus is still with us. I called it the Chinese Virus for a while, because, that is where it came from. We are working on repercussions right now. Something severe, but not too severe. We still do trade deals with them. They’ve been screwing us for years, but they still make my 100% American Made in China Make America Great Again appeal, which is 50% off by the way, Covfefe virus discount. Now, I will take questions. But before you fake people ask your terrible questions – remember that you are scum, fake, and have no morals at all. Also remember to lower your voice, stay calm, don’t shout, don’t whisper either, don’t be fakey fake fake, and thank your President for all the hard work your hard working President does.” – The Calmer in Chief

K.H.; 4/24/2020.

***

LIBERATE THOSE KIDS IN CAGES NEAR THE BORDER. LIBERATE YOUR TAX RETURNS. LIBERATE TRUTH (and save your freedom of the press - it's being under siege by you)*

*(sorry, not sorry).

K.H.; 4/17/2020.

***

Phase One – Assemble and get down with the sickness.

Phase Two – Age of Apocalypse.

Phase Three – Infinity [Number of cases] War & Endgame.

Phase Four – Spin offs and delays of life.

Phase Five - ….

Phase Six – Mutants.

K.H.; 4/16/2020.

***

'Cocoon 3: Covfefe and No Malarkey, Pass that Geritol!'

Plot: A 78 year old man dropped out of a brawl at the back of a hole-in-the-wall bar to win the heart of lucky Lady Liberty, leaving a 77 year old and a 73 year old in it to corrupt her, ahem, win her.

K.H.; 4/8/2020.

[teachingoutsidethebinary]

A New Kind of Family

Prompt request: Prompt request: During a class trip to the tower, a group of hydra agents hold an entire level hostage including the group of teens. 1 agent decided to take a girl to another room to assault her. He got her against a table but she grabbed his face and sent electric shocks through him. Now that her power has been exposed she's a target. Her house was burned down and parents killed. The avengers take her to the compound for her protection and they all treat her like a little sister.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Reader

Warnings: angstangstangstangst, cursing, death, attempted sexual assault (very brief description)

A/N: So I went super dark with this request. Tags and requests are open! As always, thanks for reading!

One Shot Masterlist

You stared at the fireball that was once your home and tried to process what you were seeing. Glass shattered as flames licked the air, and your jaw ached from screaming so much. Your parents were in there, but your feet were stuck to the ground. You were completely helpless. You finally had enough sense to try and run into your burning home to attempt a rescue, but a strong force held you back. Your feet kicked wildly in front of you as you were pulled farther and farther away from the havoc. A small prick in your neck caused your vision to blur and eyes to droop as the energy to fight left your body.

It was your fault your parents were dead. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you…

Two Days Earlier

You had seen a gun before on TV and in police officers’ holsters. You never actually expected to be staring down the barrel of one, though. Especially not one held by your 10th grade physics teacher and his colleagues.

“Let’s take it easy,” Steve Rogers said from behind you. His voice was tense as he tried to calm the other nineteen terrified teenagers in the room. Two holes from the warning shots Mr. Jones had fired earlier were still smoking in the ceiling. The keypad for the elevator was also destroyed, leaving no hope of rescue from the floors below. Mrs. O’Neil and Mr. Riley held similar weapons near the other groups of kids. You just happened to have the unfortunate luck of being directly in Mr. Jones’s line of sight when he decided to open fire in the home of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

It was just supposed to be an ordinary field trip to visit the Avenger’s Tower to learn about how technology helped them save the world. How were any of you supposed to know your science teachers were actually HYDRA operatives?

“Son, you don’t have to do this,” Steve said. “You can still walk away.”

In a flash, Mr. Jones had his arm wrapped around your neck and the gun pressed to your temple. You whimpered as your classmates cowered in fear on the floor. You could almost feel his sadistic smile against your cheek.

“I don’t think you appreciate the situation, Cap,” he taunted. With the gun still aimed at your head, Mr. Jones’s other hand traveled down to the bottom of your shirt, and his fingers ghosted the bare skin of your stomach. Hot tears pricked your eyes as you realized what he was about to do.

“That’s enough!” Steve ordered. His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared as his calm expression turned to one of rage.

Mrs. O’Neil cocked her gun and wiggled her eyebrows in a challenge. Steve had to make a choice. Either save you and watch bullets fly into your classmates, or save them and watch you die.

You shut your eyes and weighed the pros and cons of the decision playing around in your mind. Every nerve ending in your body screamed at you to make a different choice, but you couldn’t. You knew what needed to happen. You looked at Steve and gave him a brief nod of acknowledgement before taking action.

You focused all of your energy to your hands until you felt the familiar shocking sensation you were used to. In one quick move, you yanked yourself out of Mr. Jones’s grasp and squeezed your fingers against his skull.

Hot, white jolts of electricity flowed from your fingertips as Mr. Jones screamed in agony. The acrid smell of burnt hair filled the room as his gun dropped to the floor. Steve used the distraction to rush to Mrs. O’Neil and take her out with a swift body tackle. He knocked her out cold and pointed her gun at Mr. Riley.

Mr. Jones stopped screaming and you finally let go of his head. Panting heavily, you fell to the floor, trying to regain your strength. Mr. Riley laughed maniacally as he pointed his gun at you and pulled the trigger. You shot your hands up and used the last of your electric powers to disintegrate the oncoming bullet. Steve shot Mr. Riley in the shoulder, and the HYDRA operative knelt to the ground with a grimace on his face.

Instead of screaming out in pain, the son of a bitch actually laughed. His shoulders shook as he stared you right in the eyes and laughed.

“Congratulations, Y/N,” he spat. “You’ve just signed your death wish.” He held his gun up.

“Don’t…” Steve warned.

Mr. Riley’s eyes steeled over as he faced Captain America one last time.

“Hail HYDRA.”

He shot Mrs. O’Neil twice on the floor before putting the gun in his own mouth and pulling the trigger.

One Day Earlier

“Absolutely not,” your dad said firmly.

Tony Stark sighed and tried to plead with him. “Mr. Y/L/N, it would be for Y/N’s protection, and yours, to stay in the Tower.”

“She’s been exposed,” Nat added, folding her arms over her chest. “We don’t like what the one operative said to her about her death wish. You’re at risk now.”

Your mom laughed. “You think we haven’t been through this before?” She shook her head. “We can’t stay in New York.”

Steve hadn’t taken his eyes off of you the entire time. You hung your head shamefully as you listened to your parents argue with the Avengers. You knew you didn’t have a choice and that using your powers had been the right decision. But somehow, you still felt like you did something wrong.

“Y/N?” Steve asked. “What do you want to do?”

You swallowed thickly. “Th-they took away my friends’ memories,” you said softly. After the whole incident was done, a young woman named Wanda had used some type of red energy to wipe everyone’s memories. They still remembered the hostage situation, but none of them remembered you using your powers.  “They don’t remember it happening. Why can’t we stay?”

Your mom and dad both pursed their lips. “We’re leaving tomorrow,” your dad finally replied. He stood up and your mom followed him to the door.

You sat rooted in your chair, your eyes silently pleading with Steve, Tony, and Nat  to help you. But they couldn’t. They couldn’t override your parents’ decision.

“Y/N!” your dad barked. “Let’s go.”

You stood up in defeat and turned to leave. Steve came over and gently squeezed your shoulders.

“You were so brave yesterday,” he said. “You saved a lot of lives. You should be proud.”

Blinking back tears, you nodded. “Thanks,” you whispered.

You walked out the door thinking you would never see the Avengers again and that your life would start over in a new state with a new name.

You had no idea just how absolutely wrong you were.

Some Time Later

Time is a cold, heartless bitch. The worst thing in the world can happen to you, yet time continues to move on like nothing ever happened. The sun still rises and sets, the seasons change, and people grow older. It has no consideration for your pain and suffering as it ebbs and flows each and every day. Your heart can shatter, your breathing can stall, but time keeps ticking.

How long had it been since HYDRA had killed your parents? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? You had no idea and you had no desire to know. You just wanted your mom and dad back, but that was never going to happen. You could never take back what happened no matter how hard you begged and pleaded with time.

You were moved into a room in the Avengers Compound where you wasted away. You refused to speak, eat, or move. Your eyes stared blankly at the wall across from your bed as time continued to pass.

You were always vaguely aware of different presences inside your room keeping watch over you as you sunk further and further down. Voices floated in and out of your ears as they tried to anchor you to reality. Every day, strong arms lifted you up and forced you to walk the short distance to the bathroom to relieve yourself and take baths. You would muster up just enough energy to wash up, and then you would collapse back onto your fortress of a bed and let exhaustion overtake your body.

Food was difficult. You had no desire to eat, no desire to chew or swallow. Every single day for every single meal, someone sat patiently on your bed and spoon-fed you. Taste was a foreign concept, and you chewed robotically, going through the motions thanks to muscle memory.

And the nightmares. Oh god, the nightmares. Your ceiling was streaked with electrical burns from the intensity of what you saw behind closed eyelids. Cool metal would touch your forehead as you gasped and screamed. It stayed there, completely unaffected by your jolts of electricity. Smooth murmurs whispered in your ear as they changed you out of your drenched pajamas and tucked you back into bed after your horrors had subsided.

It was no way to live, but it didn’t matter when all you wanted to do was die.

One Week Later

Move.

Your eyes blinked open as soft sunlight shone through the blinds on your windows. You lifted yourself on weak arms into a sitting position on your plush mattress.

Move.

Swallowing thickly, you shifted shaky legs over the side of your bed until they made contact with the floor. You gasped as the carpet scratched into the soles of your bare feet. You could feel again.

Move.

You took a deep breath and pushed yourself up into a standing position. You wobbled as your body learned how to work together with its systems again. Putting one foot in front of the other, you carefully walked over to the dresser and pulled out clothes to wear. Clothes were good. Clothes signaled normality.

You changed and combed your hair, working out the knots and tangles until it sat neatly on your head. Your reflection stared back at you somberly. Your skin was pulled taut against your sharp features thanks to all the weight you had lost. Its pale complexion glowed eerily under the bathroom lights, and you could almost see each vein pushing up against your skin. Your eyes looked dead and empty, but each time you blinked, they regained a little bit of shine, a little bit of life.

Move.

You made your way back to the main door and grasped the cold doorknob.

“You can do this,” you whispered, your voice shocking you. It was raw and hoarse from weeks of non-use and nightmares. “You can do this,” you repeated, opening the door.

The hallway was long and silent. Dim lights glowed from the ceiling lighting a path for you to follow. You had no idea where to go, but you knew you needed to move.

You needed to keep moving.

Each step was so focused and concentrated that you didn’t even see a man approach you. “Y/N?” he asked cautiously.

You stopped and breathed heavily from your exertion. The man rushed forward and helped lower you to sit on the ground to regain some strength.

“Easy, easy,” he soothed. You felt the familiar cold touch of metal against your skin, and you looked up at him. Brown hair and calm, blue eyes stared back at you. His left arm was completely made of metal, while his right was strong, solid flesh. “Do you know who I am?” he asked.

You closed your eyes and focused. You knew him. You knew his touch. “B-Buck-Bucky?” you stuttered.

Bucky smiled and nodded as he smoothed a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Very good, doll,” he praised. “You’re doing good.”

Tears fell down your cheeks as your emotions completely overcame you. “I-I’m h-h-hung-ry,” you hiccuped.

Bucky gave you a small smile. “We can fix that,” he promised. He stood up and helped you to your feet. Wrapping a strong arm around your waist, he helped you walk into a magnificent kitchen. After sitting you down on a stool by the counter, he popped two slices of bread in the toaster and served them to you on a plate.

Despite the blandness of it, you savored every single bite. You focused on each crunch, resolving to pick the broken pieces of your life back up as you chewed and gained more energy. Bucky proudly watched the color return to your cheeks and a tentative smile take over your face.

You sighed contentedly as you finished the last of your toast. You shyly pushed the plate back over to Bucky.

“I think I’m ready for more,” you said softly.

Bucky grinned and tentatively pulled you in for a hug. When you didn’t shy away from his touch, he held you tight a pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

“I'm pretty sure we can manage that,” he replied.

Your recovery increased slowly each day, and the Avengers were amazing. They made sure each day was full of activities and tasks so you never felt alone.

You spent at least 2-3 hours every day with Tony catching up on your schoolwork. He was a patient teacher, and he praised you every chance he got. You caught up on the work you missed and even started working ahead. You would sit in the lab or in the conference room as Tony worked, and you relished in his bold presence.

Then there was sparring. Nat showed you basic self-defense moves, and Wanda taught you how to focus your energy with your powers. Not only did you become a better fighter, but you gained more confidence. Nat and Wanda treated you like an equal despite your young age. You would often sneak into one of their rooms when you should have been doing homework to gossip and watch TV.

Bucky taught you meditation. He had been there from the very beginning of your nightmares, and he could calm you down like no one else in the compound. You would go on nature hikes and sit at the top of a hill overlooking the woods. At first, you had resisted meditation because you thought it was silly, but when Bucky walked you through one of the techniques after a bad nightmare, you didn’t think it was silly anymore.

Sam was always there when you needed some downtime. You two would grab snacks and hide out in the movie or game room. You bonded over Disney flicks and rounds of Super Smash Bros. He was also really good at building blanket forts for you to hide in on your darker days. He would bring in your homework, coloring sheets, and tea and keep you company in the low light. Sam didn’t need to say much to make you feel better; his company was enough.

Then there was Steve. You loved and hated Steve at the same time. He woke you up at some god-awful hour every morning to go on a run to “stimulate your brain”, as he put it. It only stimulated your grumpiness as far as you were concerned.

But you loved Steve’s nighttime ritual. After you were dressed for bed, he would tuck you in and read you a chapter from one of the books Tony bought for you. Every now and again, everyone else would pile into bed with you and listen to Steve’s melodic voice take you on far away adventures. Steve was your best friend, your rock.

Tonight, your bed was crowded with everyone as Steve read from the last Harry Potter book. No one had seen the movies yet, so the book was a complete mystery to everyone. You were curled up between Steve and Bucky in the middle of the bed. Your head rested on Steve’s chest, and the consistent thumping of his heart grounded you as he read the story. Bucky traced random patterns on your arm as he listened intently to his friend. Your legs were propped up on Tony’s chest as he stretched out lengthwise on the bed. Sam stole the farthest corner of Tony’s pillow as he tried to balance himself on the edge of the bed. Nat and Wanda sat cross-legged on the very end, completely engrossed in the story.

As Steve began reading chapter five, you couldn’t help but see the similarities to your life. You were rescued from evil people just like Harry was. You were angry and frustrated by all of the injustices, just like he was. But you also had the support of amazing friends, just like he did.

“Thank you,” you said, interrupting Steve from the story. You blushed as all eyes turned to you.

Tony raised his head and patted your legs. “For what, sweetheart?”

You curled into Steve’s chest and took a deep breath. “For taking care of me. Not giving up on me. Just...everything.”

“Always,” Bucky replied. The others hummed in agreement.

“We love you,” Steve added. “Don’t ever forget that.”

You nodded, a huge smile threatening to overtake your face. Steve grinned back and picked up where he had left off in the story.

You missed your mom and dad fiercely, and there wasn’t a day when you didn’t think about them. But you also knew that you were safe with the Avengers. They were your family.

And you loved them too.

TAGS: @buckyappreciationsociety @iamwarrenspeace @theassetseyeliner @melconnor2007 @snapplejuice @sammnipple @fuckkoffcourtney @yknott81 @4theluvofall @capttainamericaa

[rodan-flyingmonster-blog]

REVIEW - Godzilla (2014): The Dialogue is Expository and the Action Looks Nice

Dir. Gareth Edwards, Screenplay by Max Borenstein, Music by Alexandre Desplat

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I’ll be up front about the fact that this is a bit of a lame-duck entry for me, though I was surprised upon rewatching it to find it succeeds and falls short in different ways than I’d remembered. I’ll also put out there right now that this may be the one tentpole movie I could genuinely say I followed with enough personal investment to feel disappointed by. I kept up with the production in a way I rarely do Hollywood films. I sat in awe of early teasers that promised to deliver on the long-missing angle of Godzilla’s nuclear horror. I watched as Godzilla’s foggy silhouette roared over a static-riddled recording of the famous Oppenheimer “Now I am become death” speech. I was a bit crushed to have put myself in a theater opening day, having dragged a girlfriend along at the time, only to find a final product that fell so far away from my expectations. All of that undoubtedly colors my feelings on the movie, and I want to acknowledge that up front. However, I hope to also address what I think works, and what I think really doesn’t, in America’s second take on the iconic monster as a movie in its own right.

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In 1999, two scientists from clandestine monster-tracking organization Monarch (Ken Watanabe’s Dr. Serizawa and Sally Hawkins’ Vivienne Graham) find the remains of a gigantic terrestrial lifeform. The animal appears to have been killed by grotesque, H.R. Giger-esque parasitic pods hanging from the ceiling of the cave its skeleton is discovered in. In Japan, near the Janjira nuclear power plant, Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) is concerned about unnatural seismic activity. On the day he plans to force the issue with his superiors, the seismic activity destroys nearly the entire power plant, killing Joe’s wife, who he’d sent to lower levels to investigate. The main story picks up fifteen years later, as Joe’s now-adult son, Ford Brody (Aaron Taylor Johnson), returns home to San Francisco from military deployment only to be alerted that his father has been arrested for trespassing in Japan. Joe is convinced the government is hiding something in the quarantine zone surrounding the abandoned nuclear plant. Long story short, Joe is right, and two insectoid giant monsters codenamed MUTOs (massive unidentified terrestrial organisms) emerge to feed on modern nuclear energy and procreate, one from a cocoon discovered under Janjira, another from a waste-disposal facility in Nevada. Joe is killed in the MUTO’s initial attack. Ford is left to find a way to return home to his family after a monster attack cancels his flight out of Hawaii, teaming up with various military operations along the way due to his background as an EOD officer. Eventually each of the movie’s driving forces—the MUTOs, Ford, Monarch, and a reawakened Godzilla, here reimagined as an ancient predator and a natural enemy of the MUTOs—converge on San Fransisco for a final, climactic fight.

The visuals here are impressive, but they can’t raise the film above its flat characters, muddled themes, and some of the most embarrassingly expository dialogue I’ve heard in a contemporary Hollywood film.

The movie’s main failure for me is that—as breathtaking as its visuals and sense of scale often are—the content surrounding them is amazingly, terribly schlocky, completely at odds with the level of investment the film asks of its genre-savvy audience. I’d be retreading old ground if I pointed out that Ford’s story often feels incidental, that he doesn’t have character motivation outside of wanting to return to his stereotypically rendered family in this specific situation, that Johnson’s acting is wooden. The fact the movie’s interesting characterization tends to shuffle off with Cranston is a fault admitted even by its most ardent fans. Watanabe is given a bit of spotlight as a Japanese native who argues against the employment of nuclear weapons due to his father’s experience in Hiroshima, but it all comes off a little limply—most of his dialogue is relegated to delivering almost mystical proclamations about the true purpose of Godzilla, and it’s all very silly and unscientific and seems to come from nowhere germane to his character. This problem is shared with Hawkins’ scientist character, for that matter, who takes a moment early on to remind the camera that the movie’s titular monster is “a god, for all intents and purposes.” Sometimes they’re scientists, sometimes they’re the Cult of Godzilla; one-hundred percent of the time they’re delivering whatever dialogue will sound coolest before the scene cuts. There are no substantial characters in this film, despite the movie being entirely rooted in them, following them, relying on their individual conflicts, rather than taking a more distanced, intellectual approach.

I want to be very clear that it asks the viewer to treat it with absolute seriousness; look at any of the film’s visuals, its marketing, etc. But, as I pointed out in a one-off comment a week or so ago, the movie is filled with outrageous schlock from the get-go. The credits open over stock footage of nuclear tests, a tired trope of American B-movies, rather than this film’s Japanese source. The sequence ends on the image of a bomb with a little Godzilla face painted on it in the middle of a “No” circle, which is absolutely hysterical. The dialogue, even were the characters not the ciphers they largely wind up being, is shockingly, consistently expository. This colored even Cranston’s scenes in a way I didn’t remember.

In his earliest scene, Cranston carefully states his position and the nature of the unusual seismic activity while on the phone with a Japanese colleague. His wife has to remind him that it’s his birthday. He responds immediately that when she arrives at the plant, she’s to go to the lower levels. All of this happens in a quick rhythm, with no bits of believable or characterizing dialogue in between. It is monstrously, almost comically, efficient. This never lets up. Later, when Ford visits his father in Japan, they both state their jobs (English teacher, in Joe’s case, military in Ford’s) within seconds of getting through Joe’s doorway. Joe revisits the time line of events in Ford’s own life for the audience’s benefit. He even puts a tea kettle on mere seconds after walking through the door simply so it can boil over at the moment of highest tension between the two characters; they never drink the tea. As mentioned above, Watanabe and Hawkins’ dialogue comes in two flavors: exposition on the nature of the monsters, and wild, prophetic statements about ancient gods and natural balance, neither of which at any point feels remotely natural.

Perhaps the scene I find most emblematic of the movie’s glaring dialogue problems is the introduction of Admiral William Stenz, a naval officer tasked with tracking the MUTOs and liaising with Monarch’s scientists. In his first appearance, he plays a clip of the newly escaped male MUTO on an array of monitors, expositing on its origins, its abilities, the fact that they must track it, the idea that their cover story may no longer apply, etc. Presumably, he’s talking to the crew around him, though at no point do any of them look up from their monitors, seeming to be already engrossed in their work in a way that would require familiarity with all the information Stenz is delivering. The viewer’s next thought may be that he’s speaking to the Monarch scientists behind him, but he never so much as glances at them, and they seem to be aware of all the information he’s repeated as well. So, who is he talking to? The only possible answer is the audience, and the construction of this scene, in which  a newly introduced character sternly repeats exposition to a room full of subordinates who aren’t listening, speaking candidly and urgently to no one, is truly comical if you catch onto this issue.

It may seem like I’m harping on the dialogue too much, and I certainly don’t want to get into CinemaSins territory where I’m scrutinizing every line for small inconsistencies in a way the overall film or genre can comfortably ask audiences to ignore. Indeed, some viewers may be able to ignore the exact moments, or rather the truly unending nature of the film’s expository dialogue, that so get under my skin. That’s fine; we all have different tolerances for these kind of breaks from reality. I simply want to point out that, again, this is not a film content to sit in B-movie territory. It is not a colorful 1960s Japanese monster film, nor a dour ‘50s American one. It is an attempt to ask American audiences in 2014 to take seriously a long-maligned genre concept. Its visuals and tone cry out for the audience’s benefit of the doubt. It’s unfortunate, then, that its script, from limp characters to its handling of dialogue, falls so close to the B-movie trappings of old. If, like me, you have an internal “bad dialogue” alarm that goes off frequently when watching Hollywood movies, your ears are going to be ringing through the entire two-hour film.

The movie’s highlight—credit where credit’s due—is absolutely the visual style it brings to its special effects scenes. Rendered largely in a black-and-red palette, the film carves out a visual niche for itself in an era of competent CGI action blockbusters. It’s impossible to mistake this film’s special-effects sequences as being from anything else. There is a fantastic sense of scale to the monsters here, and to their destruction sequences, and I find myself smiling any time those elements are on screen. I actually found myself, this viewing, agreeing with a widespread sentiment that I’d always considered a little juvenile: the idea that the monsters don’t appear enough in this film. If the scenes stringing the special-effects sequences together were more engaging, I doubt I’d feel this way, but I really was hungry to spend a few minutes with Godzilla fighting a MUTO at the hour-mark, especially after fantastic build-up to their arrival. If the audience has just come to terms with the idea that they’ll be spending the rest of the movie with Ford, with few interesting larger ideas, I don’t think that’s too much to give them. I’d love to see the female MUTO’s destruction of Las Vegas, rather than just the aftermath. The effects sequences are so well done, and the drama so half-baked and perfunctory, that I’d happily take much, much more of the former. In fact, upon this viewing, I almost felt starved for it.

I’ll touch on Alexandre Desplat’s score for just a moment. It’s serviceable. I don’t love it. If anything, it sounds around ten years out of date in terms of Hollywood tentpole movies—think something that would have accompanied a Spielberg film rather than the Hans Zimmer derivatives that have been so popular lately—which may be a positive for some, but isn’t an approach I feel meshes particularly well with the film. I think the movie’s visuals ask for something a bit more bold and atmospheric. This is one of those cases where I wish the studio actually had ridden the wave of Zimmer derivatives, as unimaginative as that approach would have been.

In terms of themes, the movie is muddled. This is going to be a recurring area to check in on throughout my Godzilla reviews, as I feel intellectual commentary is an essential part of what makes the series and genre tick (yes, woke internet critics, even outside of the ’54 film). There’s a bit of commentary on nuclear weaponry delivered through Godzilla and the MUTOs’ ability to feed on radiation and Serizawa’s plea to not use a nuclear bomb to lure the monsters in and destroy them, but it’s hardly touched on outside of one truly on-the-nose scene that manages to say little more than … nuclear bombs are bad, and we should try to avoid using them if we can. In the end, a bomb still explodes in San Fransisco Bay with little in the way of negative repercussions, so whatever, I guess. That pocket watch device is straight out of Fiction Writing 101.

I’ve seen it put forth recently that the film tackles the idea that mankind is still at the whims of natural forces in ways it would rather not consider. This idea at least offers a cogent thematic reading that tracks through the film—the MUTOs and Godzilla are ancient beasts; interference by way of trying to lure the MUTOs away with a nuclear bomb complicates the situation rather than solving it; Godzilla has to enter the fray, etc. It is, at the very least, a coherent reading of the movie’s major plot points. However, it requires the viewer to almost wholly ignore Joe and Ford’s contributions to the plot. I’d argue it’s still something of a failure to have a thematic throughline that doesn’t dovetail with the motivations and actions of the film’s protagonists. Mankind’s place within nature is also not a very urgent or uniquely contemporary thematic subject. I hope to eventually argue that both those elements, the dovetailing and the urgency, do hold true within the series’ most successful entries.

If you watch only the film’s action and spectacle scenes, you might come away convinced Godzilla (2014) is a bold reinterpretation of long-running monster iconography for contemporary Hollywood audiences—a visually distinctive, weighty, and all-around sober affair. If you watch the drama scenes, it’s perfunctory spectacle schlock, and it is this later identity I find dominates the film. Unfortunately I can’t bring myself to fully the separate spectacle scenes from the story around them. This identity—perfunctory spectacle with an almost embarrassing disregard for story and dialogue—is one I’m rather sick of seeing from Hollywood tentpole films. Yes, the Godzilla on display here is recognizably, crowd-pleasingly Godzilla. But it’s okay to want more from a script.

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Series Overview

As I review each Godzilla movie, I plan to put them into a tiered list that helps catalogue my feelings on the series as a whole. Everyone loves series rankings, right?

Love:

The Lesser Works:

Mostly Bad:

Watch for the monster scenes only (Hell):

Godzilla (2014)

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If you’ve stumbled across this and have any feedback for future blog reviews, or simply want to offer your take on the film, feel free! Leaving this open for comments.