#clearly all it does is hurt us. and you're mad that we finally fucking realized that i guess.

[blockcurio]

WE had long discussions before making this post. We were initially angry and had to dial it back with a lot of back and forth. That anger has subsided and while it's still there, it's mostly. Disappointment.

AKU.

AKU. What is this.

FRANKLY, we don't care about the circumstances around this post. We don't care what you personally did to OP / their partner, or what mindset you were in making it. We have backed off from you because this is a Curio blog, not an Aku blog, and you clearly (rightfully so, mind you) have voiced your distaste for his behavior, but.

AKU. The primary thing against you is both stalking and block evading ever since the days of the Undertale RPC. How does one avoid someone with a record of doing that from viewing their blogs.

AKU.

AKU, we thought you realized this by now.

MANY PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO FORGIVE YOU. PEOPLE DON'T NEED TO FORGIVE YOU. PEOPLE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO WARN PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR ACTIVITY WHEN YOU HAVE LONG BURSTS OF INACTIVITY.

IT IS A COMMON TACTIC FOR PEOPLE TO GET BACK INTO COMMUNITIES AFTER THEY'VE BEEN INACTIVE. YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK WITH BEING TRANSPARENT IN YOUR RULES, BUT THE PEOPLE YOU'VE HARMED HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO RE-ITERATE THEIR BOUNDARIES. THIS POST COMES ACROSS AS YOU BEING MAD THAT YOU CAN'T ENGAGE WITH NEW, UNKNOWING PEOPLE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR RULES.

YOU are a proshipper. Correct us if we're wrong, but you shipped bede x chairman rose and did other unsavory things in the Pokemon RPC. This included the time where you used the alias Jelly. We haven't forgotten that since Curio sealioned himself into the situation and defended you at the time. You claim up and down that you love this hobby and the community but also how awful it is.

AKU. What the fuck are we doing, then.

IS talking about how Curio has made multiple new blogs, block evaded, among other things, beating a dead horse?

ARE the blogs documenting Shep's every fucking move, beating a dead horse????

WE'RE not comparing you to either Curio or Shep, especially not Shep. Your actions are your own. But look in a mirror with your own blog.

IS it gatekeepy to set boundaries???

YOU'RE right. You can't possibly remember every last person you've harmed or their friends. BECAUSE YOUR RADIUS OF HARM IS HUGE, AKU.

ABSOULTELY ridiculous. We have no intentions to keep talking about you in such a manner, Aku, you have taken the right steps, we will not be cruel and deny you that.

HOWEVER, anyone has the right to call your apology dogshit, to make PSAs about you, to put you in their DNIs. That is not harassment or witchhunting. You cry 'block and move on' like every proshipper yet you're still getting your panties in a twist when someone dares to do it in a public manner.

FUN FACT. We have been contacted by mutuals in a rp context, not a drama blog context, warning us that you've been active again.

AND we've blocked your blogs accordingly. Call it gatekeeping, call it isolating you, you hurt people and frankly we find what you're fine with writing nasty. And we thought you've finally grown a proper backbone when it comes to people simply stating their boundaries but we guess it's somehow still developing even after all of this time.

SHEP is an actual predator. You're right. DOESN'T suddenly make your previous actions moot. People can talk about a petty thief and a mass murderer at the same time.

GOODNIGHT.

[marithlizard]

First impressions of Helluva Boss s2e9, "Apology Tour"

Is it weird that I feel even more reluctant to hit play this time? I knew what was waiting in Full Moon and how much it would hurt. Whatever emotional sharks are swimming in s2e9, they have bigger teeth.

Beautiful garden, is this still in the palace or is Stolas on vacation? He certainly seemed to be shutting up the palace last episode.

Annnd here comes Blitz over the wall with apology attempt #1. Prediction: It will be sincere but quickly turn into defensive anger when it's not accepted, and he will dig himself even deeper.

…oh no. He's pretending everything is normal instead

it is not, Blitz

it's really not

Maybe the way the plants are trying to eat you should be a clue

"I want to feel like I'm earning my way to earth". Well, isn't that interesting. Huh.

I've always known Blitz was proud - he's never bragged to anyone about his access to a prince of Hell, or tried to use it in any way. (Stolas would have gladly made a phone call to get Loona her appointment sooner, if nothing else.) I can certainly believe he doesn't want charity.

But that's not at all what the problem is here and you know it

The change in expression from aggressive confident seduction (Blitz do you realize you sound exactly like Chaz) to "you don't want me?"

Never play poker, hon. When you tap your claws together like that it means "oh shit I fucked up how can I make them stop being mad".

"So how about you respect that." Stolas, this man has never drunk a glass of Respect Boundary Juice in his life. He catcalls boundaries from street corners and does not call them back in the morning.

Wait. Verosika can't possibly know about the full moon breakup. She must have invited Stolas because of Ozzie's? And who else will be at this party?? Will Fizz be at this party? It'd be understandable if he still needs to vent from the years of bitter anger, but… I really hope he doesn't show.

Oh shit Barbie will be at this party.

How many relationships, romantic and otherwise, did Blitz fuck up but not care about enough to keep in his special photo gallery? Could be a lot. At least the sinners IMP has killed won't be at a human world party.

No, Stolas, Blitz doesn't really think that's the reason. He's just very very good at lying. His entire life has been a circus performance for unimpressed audiences. You're looking at a grownup version of the little boy with worm horse.

"So what are you doing here then?" YES GOOD STOLAS GET HIS ASS beautiful shot there. I feel like a sportsball commentator.

sigh I know I predicted you would dig yourself deeper, Blitz, but did you have to use a power drill?

I'm proud of Stolas for so clearly and honestly saying what he wants and doesn't want. It'd be so understandable to go straight to "Fuck off and never contact me again", but he's not doing that because he understands his own heart.

Oooh oooh OOH they're finally talking about Striker!

Shit. Blitz keeps letting his real emotions show on his face for a few seconds and then turning up the Dragon Driller X000 even more to dig himself still deeper. I got nothing this time, buddy. That "love ballads" fakeout was indefensibly nasty.

I like the angry tail-lashing with sound effects, though. This might be the angriest we've ever seen any imp be.

"I can sorry more people, everyone but you!" I was right? "Apology Tour" really is going to be Blitz going around to apologize to people he's wronged? But, uh, I did think it would be more sincere repentance and less of a fuck-you gesture.

Well. Stolas 500, Blitz 0 is the final score for THAT conversation.

Is Blitz going to go to the anti-Blitzo party in order to resentfully and insincerely apologize to the attendees? That is one of the worst ideas I've EVER heard.

Oh no he's got a list! YES APOLOGIZE TO MOXXIE

MARTHA! Blitz is actually putting the people he killed on this list?? Like, he recognizes that it was wrong in some way? huh.

a gift basket

a "sorry we killed you" gift basket

my mind is leaping straight past the absurdity into the math how many gift baskets can you afford Blitz oh no wait, he probably just stole a whole shop of them from the human world.

In which case take it Martha, when will you ever get to eat Earth food again?

wait

I take it all back, Mrs. Mayberry and Martha shacking up is the funniest thing I've seen all year. Everyone's mood is improved all round, good job Blitz.

But that list ought to be nineteen pages long at minimum, you just wrote down a dozen easy ones because this is a performative gesture to make yourself feel better

And the DHORK agents get a little card with a horsey! Guess they didn't rate a gift basket. (I like how distinctly different the new Asmodean crystal portals are, and how easy it seems to be for Blitzo to use them. Guess it is an upgrade after all.)

Jesse the hot bouncer? That IS low-hanging fruit, you probably weren't even the rudest person he dealt with that night.

What on earth are these "funny" texts you've been sending Stolas? Not exactly A-list material wait are you actually typing out a genuine apology?

Nope, not sending it. Not ready yet.

Loo Loo Land's still in ruins. I thought we saw them rebuilding it in "Exes and Ohs", but maybe Mammon changed his mind.

Can't deal with Moxxie, there must be someone really easy to apologize to - I know, corpses!

pfft I would've liked to see him give a little speech at the Hollys.

Yeah, the cherubs deserved that. And now we've run out of excuses to avoid the party.

That's the first time we've ever seen anyone comment on Blitz's scars. I'm just glad he didn't kill them.

Quite a well-attended party, I can see making that decor was very cathartic for you Verosika. Stolas out of place and unhappy - I wonder what he expected? Lovely costume, though, I like that much better than the royal romper.

Verosika looks different when out of her glamorous work getups, doesn't she? More like a relatable person.

Hey, there's a sack of some sort of party supplies from Bee! I guess she and Vortex have no reason to care about Loona's "dad guy" more than in passing.

(You know, for an animation helmed by someone who gets constantly attacked for being fatphobic and never drawing body diversity, I see a far number of hot larger bodies in this episode. Just saying.)

"Sorry for fucking your mom, though I thought it was your dad" - Standup comedians wish they could think up lines as awful as what Blitzo throws off the cuff.

I really thought a lot of the images from the trailer must be hallucinations or dream sequences. But no, Blitz just finally realized that he is in a room full of people who would love to kill him slowly as a party game, and took cover. It's amazing he made it across the room without being recognized.

BWHAHAHA IT'S DENNIS. Who I really should feel bad for. He didn't do anything.

Wow, that is - not a musical style I expected from Stolas. But Blitz needs to hear this and lord knows Stolas needs to sing his heart out to a sympathetic audience for once.

I got too caught up to remember to comment for a bit, but they are talking! I didn't think they would get this far!

Look at those fingers- that's not the "how can I get out of trouble" tell, that's - I don't know what, something more honest. Blitz cares, it's obvious he does, he doesn't want Stolas to be hurting like this and yet he can't make himself say the words Stolas says he wants to hear.

And - that's a good thing? This isn't a romcom, if he said those things right now neither of them would really be able to believe it. And despite his jealousy, Blitz doesn't try to stop Stolas from going off to dance with someone else. He lets him go, he doesn't make a scene, and now I think he's going to go apologize to Verosika. For real, even.

Good job, Blitz. First really right move you've made all episode.

Verosika overheard their conversation, at least enough to know about the apology tour?

sigh Well, I guess he always does have have to try his circus act first. It's so much safer than sincerity.

Oof. That's why he bailed? That's all? Nothing about him wanting kids, or her drinking, or sexual incompatibility. Just him being afraid of commitment. And he couldn't even just dump her, judging by her song at Ozzie's; it must have been a drawn-out thing of him becoming less responsive over time and then running away with her wallet.

At least some self-reflection is happening. And jealousy! While I'm very glad that Verosika stopped him, I'm also glad to know that Blitz thinks of Stolas as his bird.

She served him the piece with his own heart on it. 9000 points for style, Verosika. I hope you find the right demon for you.

I think Wally is just there to sell merch and not because he also feels personally victimized.

HAH her song haunting him on the radio is perfect.

Stolas's dance partner is in the credits as ""Better than Blitzo" Guy" pfft. (at least I assume that's him)

Conclusion: 10/10, ending on a more hopeful note than I expected. I'm so glad they didn't do a B plot this time; it would've been really jarring, and the silly apologies sequence gave us enough of a breather between the heavy scenes.

[starlit-miasmas]

good omens season 2 is real and im even more insane than the previous post. Fuck, Dude. ep4-6 thoughts and spoilers under the cut <3 a bit less than coherent

EP4 zira named the bentley "lesi".. or maybe its always been named lesi and crowley just never uses its name.

"you don't seem [crowley's] type at all" you'd be surprised! they've been in love since the Beginning :)

oh shit i just realized the crank crowley uses to wind up the stars is the same as the thing he has at the end of s1 when they're facing off satan. i have no idea what the thing actually is? but they look the same!

also back at the blitz ayy. hell really sent nazi zombies after them to find out if they're """fraternizing"""

love them just casually driving through burning buildings, and zira with the 🥰 face

zira's magician career, failing for over a hundred years. both instances we've been shown have involved guns i think! incredibly funny of zira to be the one between them with a firearms license.

"no need to thank me, that's what...friends...are for!" what if i died. accept that you're friends. dude just walked into a church for you!!

everyone's just ignoring the literal zombies walking around. i mean, what would you Actually do if you saw dead people walking around. it's like that one guy who didn't know if he should point out crowley's car was on fire in s1

"you need someone you can really trust to pull off this trick!" crowley going like 🤨 . i love them. trust <333

zira has such bad stage presence. im sorry to say it but its true. hes so bad at it.

the whole shooting scene was so tense my bones hurted. crowley why'd you agree to this when you don't know how to use a gun 😭

love that furfur(??)s reasoning that clearly they're in cahoots was that the trick needs someone you can trust

"shall we retire the act?" and then warlocks birthday party. cant believe they gave ziras shitty magician skills lore

"i knew youd come through for me. you always do. " "well, you said 'trust me'" "and you did :)" i love them so much. almost as much as they love each other!

"maybe there is something to be said for...shades of grey?" is this an innuendo. i know theyre talking about moral ambiguity. but.

watched this w my family and called this scene gay. they were literally drinking wine by candlelight with just the two of them. my dad said "they're just friends" im gonna sob.

EP5 idk if i said it in the last post but why does crowley bother to keep driving back and forth, just move in with your boyf already you know you want to.

zira willfully giving away books thats how you know the end times are upon us

how the fuck is hell understaffed. only 70 demons willing to do battle??? damn!

i love crowley just sauntering around in the back while ziras doing business, he j like me fr.

crying they finally got properly asked if they're dating. crowley having Thoughts and Realizations about it...

the demon that keeps asking questions is an excellent audience member. winning the participation points.

crowley getting mad at jim and protective over zira ❤️ window was a bit far, but damn go off. crowley doing a nice deed and then "no one will ever believe you"ing jim. of course he would

the ball is so offputting, the way everyone just falls into their roles and the ""seamstress"" cant say her actual job. terrifying. bad vibes .

crowley telling nina to trust somebody for once in her life while pointing to the shop of the only being he's ever trusted..... feelings

and oh fuck its the 1/75th of a legion of hell

crowley yelling at them that they are out of order is great. i love zira and crowley telling the angels + demons how things are done around here.

the greenish light outside the windows is excellent ambience. i love jims jacket its so ostentatious.

ZIRA DRAGGING CROWLEY TO THE DANCE FLOOR HELL YEAH!! i love banter argument dancing.

jim is a fool. the selflessness is appreciated though! albeit ultimately useless. where did he get the coat its fanatastic.

crowley just bullshitting bureaucratic nonsense at them, he's great.

shax has great hair in this scene though.

"why don't you make your own plans" "it makes [crowley] so happy to save me :)" theyre so silly.

meanwhile crowley getting himself "arrested":

EP6 oh good lord we're really in it now

zira having battery operated candles and the bajillion fire extinguishers.....bookshop burning down done left its mark

crowley's heaven fit is great. the gold snake tattoo is a neat touch

maggie flipping off the demons was absolutely iconic of her but oh balls you really gotta think about your wording at a time like this 😭

not a fan of the minor employment of the "i grew up with brothers so im a bad bitch" trope but ehhhhhhh

poor muriel they got crowley scheme'd 😔 i love muriel they're just doing their best, ok, and thats enough :)

magnus archives reference: why do fire extinguishers keep working against the supernatural! pretty convenient for them ig

zira Is crowleys emotional support angel, thank u very much. crowley is zira's emotional support demon too ❤️

gabriel got yoiten! bro got fired because he realized he wanted armageddon't not armageddo. it Is, in fact, an Institutional Problem.

did not expect halos to be functionally the same as bombs but i havent read the bible in years, what do i know

love crowley hearing ziras done something and immediately zooping back.

i love crowley just scolding everyone for being idiots, how is he the one with the braincell.

"if we do a miracle together it all works too well" YEAH what they thought was a teeny half miracle on each of their parts was apparently strong enough to be mistaken for a fucking archangel??? the power of love!!

and then the unexpected ineffable bureaucracy win???? i thought the fly was just beez snooping about at first but No it was gabriel being gaybriel and storing his entire being in a gift from beez.

angels and demons surreptitiously meeting up for meals has always been the answer. except ineffable bureaucracy dont actually eat but its the sentiment that counts :D

gabe deciding he likes 'everyday' just because beez likes it and then that being the only thing he remembers solidly when he's not actively straining his brain??? im so soft.

in a second stunning act of homoblindness my dad asked "why do they keep meeting up 🤨" to this montage. truly a bruh moment

gabe miracling the jukebox to always play beez's favorite song..... bro is down bad. the whole ineffable bureaucracy montage was SO FUCKING SWEET i love them so much i didnt expect to come out of this as an ineffable bureaucracy truther but im glad i did

"something that mattered more to me than choosing sides" 😭 theyre holding hands .............

and then the family-dinnercore bickering match 💀 none of these mfs are mature. love zira scolding them. ineffable husbands rly flexing their parenting muscles this season

"wherever beezlebub is, is my heaven" "and wherever you are, is my hell" this hurts so much against the ineffable husbands finale but we'll get there. and then they vanish off to loveland or something ❤️ happy for them, im glad at least two people got a happy ending out of this. they chose the side of love ❤️

and then uh. Fucking Metatron. fuck. the ominous music when they go out on their Stroll.

so soft for the scene with crowley putting everything back in order in the bookshop. domestic as hell. the soft music. crowley just knowing how everything is Supposed to be. <3

nina and maggie come to make ineffable husbands get their shit together! love nina calling maggie 'angel', sure wonder where she got that from..

the boys are gonna talk about their feelings?! no. no they aren't, actually. everything's gonna go to shit instead. god i cannot put my feelings on this scene into anything coherent. i am in pain.

because its always been crowley advocating for Their Side and zira's believed heaven is Absolute Good and shit and of course that's what takes them apart 😭 because fucking TRAGEDIES and the narrative is out for these fuckers.

zira please 😭 its you two on earth, you two together on Your Side. not you two ruling heaven together 😭 in shambles. suffering.

i didnt actually absorb crowleys confession enough because the brain was melting into jello but fuck dude.

NO MORE NIGHTINGALES. THE KISS. ZIRA TOUCHING HIS FACE AFTER. FUCK! it was a win for TWO SECONDS. 😭

LOVE LOST. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.

[snekdood]

yall will pry the word “transandrophobia” from my cold dead fucking hands.

[vannybarber]

The Prenup: Part Four

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part One Part Two Part Three

As soon as you heard that, you slam the door in his face.

"Y/N, what the hell? Open the door. What are you doin'?"

"No, I'm not opening the door. How are you gonna finally see me and knowing I'm upset with you, greet me with "hi baby"? You fuss at him through the door.

"I'm sorry okay! Can you please open the door? We need to talk."

"Don't raise your voice at me. You're only making it worse for yourself." You shift your weight on the other foot folding your arms. "I can do this all day."

"Come on babe, I'm serious." So were you.

"If I open this door, you better act like you have some sense."

"Alright, alright. Just open the door please."

You hesitantly walk over and open the door seeing him stand in the same position. Your face is torn up and you wrinkle it more when your eyes land on him. Although you won't admit it, a tiny part of you are glad to see him. Just a tiny part.

"Can I come in?" He looks at you and tilts his head sassily.

"Cut the attitude Christopher." You walk away towards the bed signaling he could enter.

"We're not gonna get anything solved with you acting like this" he huffs, slamming the door.

"How do you expect me to act? We wouldn't have anything to solve if you hadn't done all this. All this time you had to think and you still can't get that through your mind."

"I still don't see why you're making such a big deal. This is protecting us both. I don't touch your money, mine doesn't get touched either."

You almost slap him.

"Chris, that's if we were to divorce. We haven't even gotten married and you're already thinking about divorce?" What the fuck is wrong with him?

"You always say to be extra cautious and careful. That's what I'm doing. Megan thinks it's a good idea and when is she ever wrong?"

"You know what's sad Chris? Megan is such a bitch and you can't see it. She literally tries to dictate every little thing you do. She's your publicist, not your wife. You talk about how you love your freedom and independence, which I give to you, but when it comes to her, whatever she says goes."

His hands are rubbing his face, like usual, when he's in a predicament. He's not saying anything, which makes you even more upset, but you continue anyway.

"I truly don't think you understand how you're being right now. You're letting someone else dictate our relationship. You don't even talk to me about it, so I'm sitting on the sidelines watching you play the game. It's clear in itself that you are still not ready to be in a relationship. How? I don't know. You had fucking 4 years."

"Its not that easy, okay? You know how all my past relationships have gone. Somehow I was still being used for everything. Whether it was money, publicity or whatever. You don't get it."

You sigh and run a hand over your forehead. It's obvious you aren't going to get anywhere with this, so what was the point of him even coming here? Hold on.

"How the hell did you even find me? I haven't talked to you all day." He looks up and at the wall, bouncing his leg nervously in the chair he was seated in.

"You had your location on and I drove over here." You roll your eyes and this upsets him. "You freaking left without telling anyone where you were! You could've been hurt. Or even worse."

"I told your momma I was fine." He scoffs.

"You've got to be kidding. You just have to be."

You've had it up to here with this man. Clearly nothing was going to get resolved and both of you are stubborn about it, so you want him gone right away.

"Chris just go. You're wasting time. I told you to come in here with some sense, but you must've left the little that you had at the door."

"You're my future wife. I'm not leaving you. We need to work this out." Haha. That's funny.

"Well according to you, I'm most likely going to be your future ex wife." Okay you were being dramatic but whatever. "Let me help you understand. After 4 years of a relationship, you propose to me. Then you get a prenup behind my back by the advisory of your hating ass publicist. You signed it without even letting me know you had one. Do you not see the issue at hand here?"

You deadpan him for his reaction. You needed some form of indication that he gets what you're saying. That he realizes he's being a dick.

"I mean...I guess? I just didn't think you'd be so bothered. If we never get a divorce then it's fine. The prenup won't matter." He sits up in his chair and looks at you what looks like to be genuine confusion on his face.

Why do you even bother?

"Yes it would matter. Because it will forever be there. And in the back of my mind, I will always feel you picked your money over me." All his confusion washes away at this and is replaced with realization and guilt. "You know me better than most of my own family does. And you know what my intentions are with you. None of them require money. If you didn't have money like you did, I still would be with you Chris. Why? Because I love you."

There's a silence.

"I honestly don't know what to say." And you could tell. Any words he wanted to speak barely got through transformation because he would just clamp his mouth shut.

"Chris I just want to be alone right now, okay? I really don't need this at the moment." Yeah, the fact that you're pregnant. And he still doesn't know. You thought about telling him, but now you want to hold it off being that this didn't go as planned.

"Babe-"

"Chris please. Just do this for me. It's the least you can do." You sit on the bed and cross your legs. You were in a bind that didn't seem to be letting up any time soon.

"Well it was a long drive and I have to use the bathroom." You swat your hand to the restroom for him to go. Anything to get him moving faster. He walks in and shuts the door behind him. Meanwhile, you grab your phone and contemplate whether you should turn your location off. If you kept it on, at least they would know where you were and that you were safe. But you don't want him back here.

After 4-5 minutes or so, you didn't hear the toilet flush and you wonder what he's doing in there.

"Chris what the hell is taking you so long?" The door clicks open and you look, only to see Chris standing in the frame with a pregnancy test in hand.

He has your positive pregnancy test.

You forgot you left them on the sink counter. Fucking idiot. You internally start freaking out and you jump out the bed. He spots you and stares at you. Knowing him for so long, you had never seen this look o his face before. Turns out, it was a look of betrayal. Why would he feel betrayed?

"You're pregnant." His voice is monotonous and his eyes don't leave yours for a second.

You on the other hand, are darting your attention around the room, looking anywhere but at him. You feel a sense of guilt. Probably because you weren't telling him and he had to find out like this.

"Yes- yes I am pregnant" you speak lowly, fiddling with the end of your shirt.

"And its mine right?" That made you mad.

"Of course it is! How the hell could you ask me that?"

"Well I don't know how to fucking feel! You were just gonna let me walk out of here without telling me you're pregnant with my baby!?" Now he's out the bathroom and a few feet away from you.

"I don't owe anything to you right now. I would've told you eventually. When I was ready." He goes silent.

"Are you going to keep it?" This time his voice is meek and lower than his normal tone. You look up and his face is pained. He is all for 'my body my choice' and completely supports that, but he'd be lying if he said that the thought of you, ya know, wouldn't hurt him.

"Yes I am keeping the baby." He let's out a huge breath.

Even though you couldn't have been more than 5 weeks, you had already felt like a bond was formed with your baby. And knowing Chris has wanted kids since forever, you couldn't take that away.

"Well I'm happy." But you still weren't all the way there yet. You didn't forget what had just happen.

"You still need to leave." The little smile on his face had vanished and he looked down.

"Are you gonna come back?" He was making it slightly difficult to keep the same hardness with him. You still loved that man, even through all your anger you have with him.

"I will, just not right now. Or not today at least. I still need to think. I'll be back home eventually." As you're speaking he sets the test back in the bathroom and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Well I guess that's better than nothing", he replies still visibly upset. "I guess I'll just head out now." He walks towards the door and hooks his hand on the knob. You quick get up and to your own surprise, you wrap your arms around him.

He's stiff for a few moments, which makes complete sense, but hugs back. You take in his scent and you almost give in. You hadn't smelt him in a while and it drove you crazy. You pull away and adjust your shirt. He looks at you one more time.

"I love you Y/N." You nod your head and he leaves the room.

"I love you too Christopher."

But he couldn't hear you because he was already half way down the hall, thinking about how he was going to make this right.

heehee😏i think this is a little more than what i gave in the last chapter. we're not through yet you guys ❤

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[clumsyclifford]

if you're not taking prompts feel free to ignore this but I read your mashton - Oh, Calamity and I was wondering if you felt like writing smth (maybe for malum? But any ship really) where one of them wants to leave the band bc they can't handle the pressure anymore

omg yes here is the prequel to the oh calamity fic but just so you know this is uh. this is very much an angst fic. so i recommend reading this and then rereading the oh calamity, which is right here, unless you enjoy, idk, pain and sadness

-

All that Michael can think is that he’s seen this before.

He saw it in Zayn, when they toured with One Direction, and he used to look at his own band with pride and a hint of guilt and think, at least nothing will ever tear us apart. Nothing like that will ever happen to 5 Seconds of Summer. Now Michael wants to go back and sucker punch his past self. 

Because Ashton is standing in front of them, fingers balled tightly at his side, and Michael wishes he could erase the last ten seconds, even though it’s not just about the last ten seconds. It’s about the last ten hours, ten days, hell, ten months. Ashton’s been struggling for a long time.

But Michael thought he’d gotten better.

Calum’s the first to speak. “What? Seriously?”

“Ashton,” Luke says. Michael glances at Luke, but Luke just looks ashen, betrayed and in pain and floundering for something to say. “Are — is this a joke?”

They can all tell from Ashton’s face that it isn’t a joke, but Ashton shakes his head anyway. His hair falls over his forehead. “I wish. I wish it was a joke.”

“Then say it’s a fucking joke,” Michael says quietly, and everyone turns to look at him.

“It’s not,” Ashton says, looking at the floor. Michael wants to shout, be a fucking man and look me in the eye. 

“Ashton,” Calum says. As if his name holds some power over him. Michael wants to think he’s gotten to know Ashton pretty well in their time as a band (although now he’s not sure, second-guessing everything), and he can see the set in Ashton’s jaw, the slump of his shoulders, the way he stands like he’s already defeated but still willing to take the hits. Ashton has made up his mind.

And so has Michael.

“It’s — I’ve already spoken to management,” Ashton says, in the smallest voice ever. Michael is torn between the desperate need to stare him down and the equally desperate desire to never see his face again. “I’m sorry, I am, I just needed to — I wanted —” He breaks off and sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. The stillness in the air is fucking agony. Michael wishes someone would yell. It might be him. “I know this is shitty, but it’s been shitty for me for awhile. A long time. And I haven’t been doing well. This is what I need to do. I’m sorry. I’m so — yeah. I’m just sorry.”

“Take a break,” Luke says, his voice cracking down the middle. “Ashton. You’re leaving? Just like that? After we said — you said —”

“I know, I know, I can’t say I’m sorry enough times,” Ashton says helplessly, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. His hands haven’t stopped moving. Michael wants to grab them and hold them in place. 

“Why would you talk to management before telling us?” he asks, low but easily heard. Ashton looks beseechingly at him.

 “Because I knew you’d convince me to stay,” he says hoarsely. “And I — I can’t. I’m sorry. Michael, I’m —”

“Don’t say you’re sorry again,” Michael says. He tears his gaze from Ashton and stares resolutely at his shoes, stubbornly not crying.

Calum clears his throat. “So, what? You’re leaving the tour? We only have, like, four shows left.”

Of course Calum is thinking logistics. Michael doesn’t know how Calum can think clearly at all. It feels like someone’s stuffed Michael’s chest full of cotton and then poured bleach in the space where his heart should be and now they’re asking how he feels. Shitty, is the answer. Like he’s being slowly eaten away from the inside out. Like jumping in front of a moving train would hurt less than this does.

“I’m finishing the tour,” Ashton says nervously. “But then I’m going home.” He hesitates. “And staying home.”

Luke pushes himself to his feet suddenly and Michael watches him, because he can’t help it. The expression on Luke’s face is so open, so vulnerable, so hurt. For a blinding moment, Michael hates him, too. 

“I’m not mad that you’re leaving,” he says quietly. “If it’s what’s really best for you. But I’m fucking pissed that you didn’t talk to us first. We’re your best friends, Ashton.”

And he stalks back to his bunk, probably to listen to emo music and cry.

“I,” Calum says, and slowly stands. “Uh, I need to think. And be alone. I think. Um. Yeah. Sorry.”

Ashton steps aside to let Calum into the bunk area, and then it’s just him and Michael, and Michael wants to yell or something, wants to punch Ashton in the stomach, wants to kiss him senseless until Ashton can’t remember that he’s leaving, much less why. Fuck. Fuck.

“What does this mean for us,” he says flatly.

Ashton gives him a pained look, and that’s all Michael needs to know. If he’s honest with himself, he might have admitted that he’d known what Ashton would say (or not say), but it hurts just the same, like a dagger to Michael’s heart.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt this much. But then again, love isn’t supposed to fucking abandon you the moment you admit to it. 

“You’re an asshole,” Michael tells him, standing up finally. He’s always been a little taller than Ashton, and now he feels it more than ever, especially with the way Ashton is shrinking back, down, becoming as small as possible, the anguish still written so clearly across his face. “You’re an asshole for this, you know that?”

“Michael.”

“Don’t,” Michael says. “I get it. You need to — you’re unhappy, and you need a break, and, whatever, okay, I get it, but you don’t have to leave this, Ashton. You don’t —” Fuck. Now it’s Michael’s voice breaking. “You don’t have to leave me.”

Ashton just shakes his head. “Michael, it’s not that easy. It’s not just about us.”

“Well, at least it’s all about you,” Michael snaps. The broken pieces of his heart are sharpening into jagged, splintered weapons now, and all Michael can think to do is launch them back at the asshole who’s responsible for them. Distantly, he realizes this is a breakup.

Well. Michael’s not going to let Ashton drag it out. “So we’re done?” he says, before Ashton can say anything. Ashton blinks, and if Michael cared to check he’s sure he’d find tears in Ashton’s eyes. It’s cruel to make Ashton be the one to say it, but it’s also cruel to leave in the first place. And it hadn’t been Michael’s fucked-up idea to leave the band and his maybe-boyfriend.

“I think so,” Ashton whispers. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me again or so help me god I will punch your lights out,” Michael growls, and he whips past Ashton and shuts himself in his bunk, back pressed against the wall, heels of his palms burrowing into his eye sockets as if that’ll keep the tears in.

Fuck Ashton Irwin. Fuck him. Fuck this fucking band. Fuck Luke and Calum. Fuck their shitty fans for putting so much pressure on all of them. Fuck the entire world for being the worst place on the planet. Fuck Ashton for being so insistent on keeping them a secret and then leaving as soon as Michael had admitted that he — 

Fuck Ashton Irwin.

[softestvirgil]

Feelings

Authors note: This is loosely based on this post

Summary: Logan holds a court case by himself to vent, and an unexpected visitor shows up

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: PG

Pairing(s): Platonic Analogical

Word Count: 1643

Warnings: Crying, Yelling, Deceit references, Emotions, Cursing, Shoulder touching, Unresolved ending

Let me know if there’s any more I should add!

Days after Thomas’ “callback or wedding” dilemma, Logan still felt miffed that he was left out.

He knew it was Deceit's doing, but he also knew if the others could, they would probably do the same, and if he was honest with himself, that didn't feel good.

Feel.

Logan didn't “feel” anything, so why was that the only word he could come up with for what was happening? He wasn't sure. All he knew was that he needed a way to let it out.

To get rid of it so he could continue to do his job.

So, he went into the mindscape and recreated the very same courtroom they had all been in days prior, and held a private case, by himself.

First, he reads the case against him, then he makes himself swear on a bible, to tell the truth, and then the case began with him acting as the prosecutor.

“The accused clearly displays symptoms of emotional activity, yet he denies it, why?” He said.

Then he switched over to the witness stand. “I don't feel anything,”

“Falsehood!” He yelled at himself, slamming his hands down for emphasis. “There is clear evidence that you were upset by being left out, there is clear evidence that you got angry at Roman a few months ago, to the point of physical violence, and there is clear evidence that you have been feeling inadequate for a long time! Admit it!”

“No!”

“Why not?!”

Then, he lost it. “Because- because I need to do my job! I need them to take me seriously! I need to see things objectively and not be blinded by foolish biases such as human emotions. If I have feelings, then what good am I? What is the point? How can I help Thomas?”

Tears were streaming down his cheeks now, fogging up his glasses. He tried wiping them away but more came in their place.

Then, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Ahhh!” He yelled, jumping up from his seat. He then saw the face of Virgil, staring at him in bewilderment. “How did you even get here?!”

“What… was that?” Virgil asked him, ignoring his previous question, shock evident in his gravelly tone.

Logan turned away, not letting the other side see him like this. “What was what?”

Virgil’s eyes went big, then he repeated himself. “What was that?” He gestured wildly. “And don't say nothing or he will show up,”

“How much did you see?” Logan replied, not daring to meet Virgil's gaze.

“Enough,” Virgil replied, getting closer to Logan.

Then anxious sides’ face softened ever so slightly. “Are you crying?”

Logan sighed. “I uh, I suppose I am. I won't lie to you since that seems to be off limits from now on without, unwanted company,”

“I had no idea that you… I mean I had wondered about it before but I assumed it was impossible,” Virgil admitted, thinking out loud almost whilst anxiously fidgeting with his zipper.

“Assumed what was impossible?” Logan probed, no longer crying.

“You… having feelings,” Virgil stated, meeting Logan's eyes that were rested on him.

Logan shook his head. “I shouldn't,”

“We all do, and we still manage to get our jobs done,” Virgil pointed out.

“That is correct but you do not do your jobs as efficiently as you would without feelings in the way. I, for example, am no longer serving Thomas the way he needs me to, and he has made it clear through all of you that he grows tired of my efforts to try to. I'm not the fun one. The interesting one. The cool one. I'm just the one who upon entry, ruins the enjoyment of the whole experience. That has become my role,” Logan was crying again, which went unnoticed by him but not by Virgil.

“You're uh…” Virgil started, pointing at Logan's cheeks.

“Again?!” Logan shouted, clearly not familiar with how crying works.

“Listen, buddy, Thomas does need you,” Virgil said, trying to be as warm as he could. He wasn't a very comforting presence to have around, and he was fully aware of that, but he cared about Logan.

“Oh, I am aware that he needs me,” Logan replied confidently.

Virgil put his hands through his hair. “Then, what-”

“I am simply saying, that while I have a necessary function, I am unwanted,” Logan finished bluntly, his tears had stopped, and his expression was blank.

“You- you know what? This is ridiculous,” Virgil yelled, about to sink out from frustration.

“That is exactly what I meant,” Logan commented.

“What is?” Virgil asked, sinking back up and tilting his head.

“You were just about to leave because you felt upset,” Logan stated. “Making your opinion biased by feelings,”

Virgil raised his hands up in the air. “Yes! Because- because what you said is stupid!”

Logan pursed his lips. “And why would you say that it is “stupid” as you have so eloquently phrased it?”

Virgil was growing more and more frustrated as this went on. “Because! Because I- because we...”

“Because... you?” Logan pried.

Virgil gave up. “Because we love you,”

Logan scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I cannot believe you right now. How could you think such a thing of Thomas, of me?” Virgil argued, clenching his jaw.

Logan was screaming now. “You all have left me at this conclusion, and yet you are mad at me?! Preposterous!”

Virgil sighed exasperatedly. “Yes, I am mad at you! Do you know how hard it was for me to admit that thing before? Do you know how much your presence helps me? Helps Thomas? Do you realize that you, right now, have done exactly what you tried to teach me not to do?”

“What do you mean-”

“Cognitive distortions, Logan!” Virgil said, slamming his fists onto the desk.

“Fuck,” He muttered under his breath as mild pain shot through his knuckles.

“You- you're… right,” Logan admitted. Virgil was as shocked to hear those words leave Logan's mouth as he was himself.

“I always thought of myself as removed from those issues. Thinking that I could somehow help you better if I did not experience them myself. Now I am unsure what to do. I am defective. Once Thomas finds out... what will he think of me?” Logan was shaking, hard. He was shaking so much that his legs weren't stable on the floor anymore.

“Logan, I-” Virgil began but was cut off.

“-I'm scared, Virgil,” Logan confessed. “I am so scared because I am not used to this. I am not used to not knowing what to do,”

Virgil chuckled, helping Logan back over to the chair to sit down. “Now you know how I feel,”

“I suppose I sort of do, in a way,” Logan agreed.

“Thomas may not understand you, but he does need and love you. Trust me, I know. I went through that, too, don't you forget. For the longest time, I thought I was just acting as the party pooper, coming in to destroy any fun anyone was having, and that was all my job ever could be, but now… things are different. Maybe things could be different for you too if you are open about what you are going through,” Virgil explained.

Logan shook his head again. “I cannot do that. I do not want to burden Thomas with my inconsequential emotional turmoil,”

“Man, and I thought I was stubborn. This,” Virgil gestured to, and around Logan. “Is like talking to a brick wall,”

“I apologize that you are upset,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses. “You are free to go, so long as you do not repeat any of what went on here today,”

Virgil moaned. “Ugh! You know I can't do that. That would give him a reason to come back!”

“He will come back eventually,” Logan stated blankly.

“Yes, but shouldn't we do everything we can to prevent that?” Virgil asked him, looking around fearful of the snake finding a way in.

“I suppose but me telling Thomas will not do me, nor him, any good, Anxiety,” Logan explained. “I need to do my job. I need to be taken seriously. I must be listened to, or things will not get done,”

Virgil got up on the desk. “Listen, man, I just told you I loved you a few minutes ago, alright? Cut me some slack,”

“You said “we love you” not “I love you” Logan recalled. “There's a difference,”

“Fine!” Virgil yelled. “I... love you,” He said, as gently as he could manage.

Logan's features, once tense and full of contempt, had reasonably softened now.

“I believe you,” Was all Logan could say.

“That's it?” Virgil inquired.

Logan scoffed. “You are not going to make me say it back after you just spent the past 1800 seconds arguing with me, are you?”

“No, I guess not,” Virgil said, mocking hurt. He didn't actually really care if Logan said it or not but he figured it would be cool to hear it anyway.

“Alright, fine! I love you, too,” Logan said back, finally.

Virgil smirked devilishly. “I did it. I got Logan, to say he loves me. My power…”

“Quiet, you!” Logan yelled, playfully swatting Virgil on the arm.

Virgil grabbed his arm. “Ow! Hey! You said you loved me!”

Logan tried not to smile, but he was enjoying this. “I did do that, however, you were being foolish,”

“Fine. If that's how it's gonna be then…” Virgil started and transported himself into the judge's chair.

“I, Virgil, find the defendant guilty of all charges!” Virgil shouted, banging the gavel.

“Objection! That is not how sentencing works!” Logan yelled, then he snapped them both back into Thomas’ living room. No one else was there, so it was still just them.

“I am just going to say that, I refuse to lie if you having feelings ever comes up, Later...” Virgil said cheekily before sinking out, as to not let Logan argue.

“Then I suppose, I must attempt to do better at concealing them, then,” Logan whispered, with the smallest bit of a smirk on his lips.

[saintcheesus]

If you're still accepting prompts, maybe John wingmanning for Arthur to help him get with Charles. Thanks in advance if you decide to write this

I love this nonny! 

------

I am convinced that Charles has taken to chopping wood in front of me solely to drive me mad. He started taking his shirt off just last week, on account of this damn heat...

“Take your shirt off too, if you hot then. 

Arthur slammed his journal shut faster than John had ever seen. John laughed at how red in the face Arthur became, it suited him better than that sourpuss one he was always sporting. 

“Goddammit, Marston! Why you standing here for?” 

“You must have been awful distracted to not realize my shadow been over you since you was writing. When you gonna sketch him shirtless?” 

Arthur grumbled and looked away. 

“I already did...” he mumbled shortly after. John smiled at that and sat down next to his big brother. Just like Abigail showed him, he snatched the book from Arthur so deftly that by the time he reacted to the air in his hands, John had already managed to sneak a quick peek of the rough sketch. It wasn’t for longer than a few seconds, unfortunately, because Arthur was just as quick taking it back. John was also gifted a swift but firm slap to the back of the head. He thought he was twelve again, but just like then, he shook it off. 

“Why don’t you show him the sketch?” 

“Right, suppose I’ll just mosey up to him and say something foolish like, ‘Hey Charles come look at this sketch I have of you while I watched you chop wood for an hour!’ I’m sure he’ll be real keen on that, John. You moron.” 

“Sure, but then y’all get to chatting and then who knows what could happen from there.” 

John snuck a glance at his brother and his heart twinged a bit at the sight of someone he idolized (not like he’ll ever tell Arthur) for being the gang’s hero of sorts, look so helpless. 

“I ain’t good at talking to folks, John. My best skills is fighting and shooting. Ain’t much room for talk during those.” 

“Arthur you was nearly married.” 

He was considering mentioning Eliza too, but Arthur still shuts down hard whenever there might be room for her to be mentioned. 

“Mary’s different...she’s--” 

“A woman.” John finished. Arthur’s resigned nod and sad face was the answer. 

“What if Charles don’t...what if he don’t like men?” 

“What if he does?” 

“What if he don’t like me?” 

That sounded like it physically hurt Arthur to think that way, and John was not about to let Arthur doubt himself into not asking Charles. He wasn’t sure why Arthur forgot about that period before Mary where he fucked. Men and women alike. It was a short window of time but Arthur still owes John favors for covering for him all the times he snuck his lovers into camp. 

“Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. It’s like you said, John. I was nearly married, but I ain’t because she ain’t want me. She weren’t even the first to say that.” 

John never really cared much for Mary, and hearing how sad and insecure that break-up made him just makes him mad all over again. 

“I ain’t good enough for him.” 

John didn’t mean to have the conversation take this turn, Arthur was clearly upset enough that he sighed and left his spot on the grass. John watched as Arthur schlepped away to his tent. John turned his attention back to Charles, who had just taken a break from his chore. He was wiping sweat off his brow, his eyes caught John’s. He smiled and waved, John was more than happy to return the gesture. The topless man then walked over to him and joined him in Arthur’s old spot. 

“How are you, John?” 

“Reckon I could be better. Getting a bit restless, I’m probably going to head out soon.” 

Charles hummed. John suddenly had an idea. 

“Charles do you want to go hunting with me? I saw a bunch of rabbits not too far from here, and deer too, they was making babies all winter so there’s plenty of them.” 

Charles laughed and nodded. 

“Sure, I’ll grab my gear and meet you at the horses.” 

John tipped his head and waited for Charles to leave before darting over to Arthur, who still looked as miserable as ever, scribbling away in his journal. He was drawing Cain.  

“Arthur! Arthur let’s go hunting!” 

“I don’t want to, go away!” 

“I want you to come with me.” 

“Always nice to try somethings for ourselves, I reckon.” He deadpanned 

John was getting irritated, but he wasn’t going to stop. 

“Please Arthur? We ain’t really done much with each other outside of missions. You might not miss my company so much but some times...well...you know...” 

Arthur sighed loudly and John smiled, knowing that he won. Arthur put his journal away and then put his hat on. 

“Come on then, the sun’s about ready to start setting and ain’t no use hunting in the dark.” 

John was as giddy as a child and practically ran over to his horse. Charles was already waiting there. John wished he had a camera to capture the priceless face that he had when he saw Arthur walking over with him. It was sheer delight, and John nearly pummeled his brother for thinking that he wasn’t interested. When John looked at Arthur, the man’s face was pale as all hell. He had his lasso on-hand in case Arthur was thinking about booking it back to his tent. Instead, he shook it off and smiled at Charles. 

“Morning, Charles.” 

John wanted to laugh so bad. Arthur sounded like a love-sick teenager, he wasn’t even this bad with Mary! He even batted his eye lashes at him! Charles chuckled and placed a hand on his shoulder. He rubbed it with his thumb. His thumb! John thought he was going to combust! He knew Arthur had a penchant for being stupid but he didn’t think Charles had a bit of the fool gene in him too. 

“John didn’t tell me you were coming with us.” 

Arthur giggled as he anxiously fiddled with his horse, Artie. She was a good girl.

“It’s funny...he ain’t tell me neither.” 

Arthur’s eyes flicked over to John’s and the man knew he was going to get his ass beat the moment they came back to camp. It would be worth it, he decided. 

Charles smoothly mounted Taima, and patted her gently. John could have sworn he saw Arthur swoon at the sight. This was bad, this was the worst he’d ever seen someone. He was definitely telling Tilly and Hosea about this. 

“If I had known, I would have dressed better.” 

John had never heard Arthur snort while laughing ever, but today was full of firsts for the both of them. The cowboy’s face was beet-red as he nervously laughed. Maybe John should have told him beforehand, but he didn’t want the man getting cold feet and never come. Charles started riding off, leaving the two brothers to follow. 

“Did John tell you what we were going to hunt?” Charles started the conversation. Arthur seemed to have calmed down, that was good. 

“No, did he tell you?” 

They were talking about him like he wasn’t right there. They really were made for each other. 

“Rabbits.” 

“Yeah cause y’all about to be fucking like them”, John thought. 

“I think I know what he’s talking about, there’s a clearing in the forest that’s just a bit further out from camp. We could spend the night there, since it’s already near sundown.” 

Charles flashed another smile at him and nodded. 

“Sounds like a good idea. You brought your bow?” 

Arthur pulled it from his horse’s holster. 

“Good. You’re really good with that thing. Didn’t even need to really teach you.” 

Arthur tipped his head downward so that you couldn’t really make out his face, but John was next to him and could see that he was grinning from ear-to-ear. It really warmed John’s heart to see him so touched. Only lover he had that was nearly as kind to him as Charles was Eliza. People weren’t truly kind to Arthur, very few were. John wasn’t very kind to him either, not after he deserted him for a year. But he was trying to make it up, Charles would be good for Arthur. Arthur just seemed so lonely most days and melancholic, besides himself, Hosea, and Sadie, Charles was the only other one to try and make him feel good about himself. Of course this is all considering the fact that they both love-sick buffoons who needed one non love-sick buffoon like John Marston to help them get together. It was working so far. 

They finally got to that clearing that Arthur mentioned and along the way, they saw rabbits, deer, and even a few turkeys. They were definitely going to have decent meals coming their way. Charles and Arthur were both dismounting when John whistled for Charles to come over to him. 

“Why are you still on your horse? Come down, set up camp with us.” 

“I’ll catch up with y’all later on, I think there was a...a...legendary rabbit up that way. It’s best if we split up to cover more ground, and y’all are better hunters than me so if you stay here you’ll catch all these critters.” 

Charles crossed his arms and smirked. He looked like he caught John’s drift but then maybe Charles just always looked charming. He exhaled and nodded after quiet deliberation. 

“Alright, but I’m telling Arthur before he starts to worry after you.” 

Before John could stop him, Charles turned and shouted, “John’s heading further up, he’ll come back tonight!” 

Arthur shouted back, “If you get into any trouble shoot your gun twice so we can come get you, you hear?” 

“Sure.” 

“You got water? Food? Bullets?” 

“Yes, Arthur!” 

“Don’t come back no later than noon neither, can’t have you running off on us again.” 

Arthur did this when he was a kid and he’s still doing it now. He was grown! He was twenty-six he knew how to pack for a hunting trip! He huffed and began walking away from the two of them. He found a patch of grass on a hill not more than five minutes away from them. When he got to the top he managed to coax his horse to lay down and have a nap with him. When they woke it was well past mid-night. Tiredly, he and his horse trudged back to the campsite where he found that the fire was still lit. He also realized that there was only two tents pitched up instead of three. He went to walk over to the second tent but he kicked an empty can of beans, and Artie got spooked because of it, she huffed two strong gusts of wind in his face. She also woke Arthur up. He came out of the tent with just his pants thrown on haphazardly. When he saw John standing there he put his hands on his hips. 

“You been gone all that time and ain’t bring nothing back? Ain’t you the one that wanted to hunt?”  

“He was a slippery bastard.” 

“Shut up, I see the drool marks on your face, idiot.” 

John crossed his arms. Arthur started to let up. 

“If you was sleeping then you wasn’t eating. Come on, Charles and I made a plate for you.” 

John realized that there were at least ten rabbits, two turkeys, and a buck who was big feller. His stomach growled when Arthur placed the plate in his hands. The food was still warm. It was beans, corn, and turkey. Much better than anything Pearson ever cooked. While he was scarfing it down, Charles came out of the same tent Arthur did, also half-naked. He was yawning while he walked over to Arthur and kissed the man on his bare shoulder. 

“Why did you leave?” 

“Because John came back and nearly let my horse die of shock.” 

Accused man swallowed his food and said very sternly, “I did not!” 

Charles woke up after hearing John’s voice and it was his turn to blush. Arthur’s composure was much better than earlier today. He was smiling at John teasingly. 

“Yes, you’ll be glad to know your little plan worked.” 

“Do I gotta leave camp again to let y’all finish or are you done?” 

Arthur rolled his eyes and waved his little brother away as he turned to go back into the tent. 

“Shut up and go back to bed after you finish eating, that tent’s pitched over there for you. Charles and I will see you in the morning because I ain’t about to let you return to camp empty-handed.” 

Charles followed behind Arthur dutifully as they went back into their tent. Once the camp got quiet again all John could do was childishly mock him before doing exactly as he was told. 

At least Arthur got his man, though. 

[we-all-fall-underground-archive]

Inadequate friendship

On one of the many free days the duo got, Pacifica and Kaipo decided to join a small marathon that was taking place in a nearby natural park. They suited up slightly for warmth, seeing as how the weather predicted for a fairly cloudy day. But no matter how it turned out, they both agreed to push through it (otherwise the first to drop out would have to pay for the other's take out for a whole week). As they reached the starting area with the other participants, Pacifica tugged at Kaipo's sweater. "Does it really have to be a competition between us? I didn't really get that much sleep last night, so really I'm at an unfair disadvantage already."

"No no no, you aren't talking me out of something this time!" Kaipo chuckled. "A promise is a promise!"

"But Kaiiiipoooo!" She whined. "Please? It's already super cold, and I swear I felt a raindrop earlier." To prove her point further, she held out her hand in the air and waited for the non existent rain to pour.

And sure, it was cold. Kaipo believed that. Looking around, they noticed how better suited other people were, as they were doing stretches and trying to keep warm before the race started. Plus... Pacifica was too god damn adorable sometimes to ignore. "Fine! Okay, I give! We won't race race. But you better be able to keep pace with me!" They said. "And! You automatically pay for my meal for today. Just today."

"Alright alright, I can deal with that," she smiled, then took to stretching herself. When the race finally started, the two waited for the crowd to clear and began jogging at a slow pace thanks to Pacifica.

It was quiet for the majority of it, the two admiring the nature. Pacifica continued commenting about how she swore she felt rain, but since Kaipo had already put up their hood, they didn't really notice. Another several minutes and yards later, Pacifica broke the silence.

"So, you've been kinda distant lately. I mean, not to call you out or anything, but I'm also definitely very much calling you out on it," she started. "Like, you didn't really have much to say about living with all these other teens and kids along with our little group. You just okay with it? Now that I think about it..." She flinched momentarily, actually getting a raindrop on her, "when was the last time we actually went out to do something together? Just the two of us?"

Kaipo sighed, keeping ahead of her just slightly. Their stomach had been twirled in a knot this whole morning, expecting some sort of confrontation about this very situation. "Now that's a lot to unpack that we don't really have time for-"

"Uh, we're literally going super slow for this very reason," she pointed out.

"Okay-" Kaipo huffed, stopping in place. Pacifica stopped next to them and scrunched her brows. "Let's just walk. And maybe reapproach exactly what you're trying to ask."

"Oh, okay." Pacifica led the way now, thinking to herself. What first? "Okay then. Why're you so distant. Start there."

"I don't think I'm being distant-" Kaipo looked up at a bird flying away. Huh, super cloudy. "I've kinda just been... chill. Calm. I don't always have to be super sunshiny all the time."

Pacifica stared at them. "Yeah well duh, but I mean you've started to get like this since even before we found out we were being put in this... group home."

Kaipo tried to think back to what she was mentioning: the announcement of the 'group house'. It had gotten harder on Kaipo's aunt and uncle to care for them when their restaurant was booming in business. Kaipo wanted nothing more but to continue helping them out, but when this rich old couple came by with the offer of a lifetime, Kaipo saw it as a sign to start living for themself and not burden their aunt and uncle much more.

Apparently, they were going around and doing a community service for helping teens and kids alike become independent, no matter what their homing situation was like. In Kaipo's mind, they were on the good home end of the spectrum of kids, and saw that this was a really generous way to help out others, so why not join? Yet deep down they felt like maybe the couple got the wrong impression about how Kaipo was living. Sure, the house being used was grand and lavish and had Kaipo's dream kitchen, and their son Edgar was pretty cool, but they couldn't help but feel like the couple was looking down on them as though they were a poor poverished puppy. And that was no way to start off growing their independence, or their confidence in that matter.

And they acted this way to all the other kids as well: Pacifica- which they found out was already living there shortly after- Orabella and her brother Everard, Dante, Verity was a surprising one, and the new kids they haven't gotten to quite meet yet. It left a very bad taste in Kaipo's mind, but yet again, it was still such a good service. How could they speak against it?

"Kaipo?" Pacifica waved her hand. "You see, this is exactly what I mean!"

Kaipo blinked a few times then looked over at her. "Oh right. Sorry. But no, being spacey is different from being distant."

"Fucking-" she stomped forward, already wanting to give up on this conversation.

But Kaipo kept pace, upset. "What- hey! You can't get mad because I'm right you know! You said you were going to try to listen to me more before, remember?"

"Whatever. You're like totally avoiding my question, but whatever," she grumbled, shaking it off. Yes, of course she remembered the promise she made to her best friend. "Okay, fine. Next question then. Why don't you hang out with me as much anymore? You're my fucking best friend; I thought I was gonna have you through this whole new move and everything, but it seems like when you found out I was already living at the group house, you wanted nothing to do with me! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?"

Kaipo frowned, looking away. Okay... she had a point. It wasn't fair to her that they did completely detach themself from her when they moved in. "Well maybe i wanted to be my own person and not be pegged as Pacifica's friend," they thought. But it's not like they would say that out loud. She's already hurting clearly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"So why did you? Because, again, you've grown distant!" As she spoke, a few very obvious raindrops splashed down on them, and soon a shower began to cover them. Pacifica pulled up her hood.

Kaipo looked away again, and from her view, she realized they were going into another blank state and she was growing impatient. Her own best friend was keeping things from her, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do. Was it the move? Was it anxiety? Did something happen to Kaipo's family? She hardly felt like she knew them any more and no mater how many times she tried to do things with them while the others were around, they kinda began to ignore her. Kaipo was her fucking friend first! Seeing the new group of kids take a liking to Kaipo and not her was making her furious. And now here they were again, with Pacifica being ignored. She grunted, and started to jog away from them.

"Pacifica!" Kaipo snapped out of it, and rushed to keep up. But as soon as Kaipo tried to slow her down to talk, Pacifica pushed forward and gave them the cold shoulder. She was done- she was just done with being ignored. If Kaipo wouldn't speak to her, she thought to just give each other space again. But Kaipo wasn't letting up. "C'mon! How are you supposed to hear me out if you're gonna keep running away from me! How am I supposed to talk to you?"

"How am I supposed to talk to you Kaipo?!" She shouted back, then began running. It seemed that was all she had to say.

Kaipo felt their face heat up, and an invisible weight was slowly pushing down on their chest. Was this... what it felt to be angry, Kaipo wondered. Because yes, Pacifica was finally pissing them off. But God, it was such an ugly feeling. They didn't want to be mad at their best friend, but she wasn't listening to them! Trying to push through this conversation was hurting them! Their eyes started to water up, but it blended in with the rain streaking down their face so it didn't really matter. Kaipo used a burst of energy to catch up to Pacifica... but she was already so much ahead.

"Pacifica!!!" They called out to her. She ignored them. The ground began to get soft and Kaipo may have splashed into forming puddles, getting mud all over their legs. "Please! Just talk to me!!!"

She turned a corner, so they turned that corner. She ducked a branch, they ran around the tree. A person was passed up, Pacifica having bumped into them and Kaipo apologizing to them on her behalf, then the chase continued.

The whole time, Pacifica was holding that grudge, trying to run faster to get away each time she heard them call out for her. It hurt, but if they were just going to keep secrets, then splitting off was probably the better solution.

But Kaipo was getting desperate. They started looking for small shortcuts to keep up with her: cutting the grass, hopping a bench, slinging themself off of trees. "PACI-" They shouted again as she came into view, but suddenly Kaipo stepped incorrectly on some slippery rocks and came crashing down into the mud. They were instantly covered, and instantly in pain; their chin and knees were practically on fire. Kaipo cried out, gently touching their chin. It burned. It hurt so much. Everything hurt so much! And worst of all, they were alone. Their breathing quicken, and they sniffled, but eventually just let go and bawled their eyes out.

They were alone. They were wet. They were in pain, both physically and emotionally. What was wrong with them. "I'm sorry!" They sobbed to themself, "I'm so sorry-" as though to console themself.

A few people passed by, some scared to stop. Eventually, one woman did stop and ask what was wrong, if they needed help. Kaipo sniffled, trying to assure her they were fine. The woman helped them up and walked them over to a bench to rest, gently giving them kind words and reassurance. And it actually helped a little, Kaipo thanking them, until they saw a worried Pacifica making her way back, running towards them.

"Are you two together?" The woman asked as Pacifica approached.

She leaned on her knees, holding up a finger to the woman as she caught her breath. "Yeah... scram."

The woman scoffed, but did just that. Of course, only after waving good bye to Kaipo. They gave a small smile and waved back, but it disappeared when they looked back at Pacifica's worried expression. "..."

"What the hell Kaipo! I thought you were still behind me!" She spoke after a moment. "The fuck happened! Did you get lost?!"

... unbelievable. Did she not see their disheveled state? Kaipo pulled down their hood to reveal their very red chin. "What does it matter. You just kept running."

She gasped. Pacifica definitely didn't realize how fucked up they looked. She sat down and her hands hovered over their face, careful not to hurt them. "Fucking hell..." She whispered. "Kaipo I..." A sigh, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you fell. I would have stopped if I knew-"

"No you wouldn't have."

She froze. "What?"

There were the tears again, swelling up in Kaipo's face. She heard them sniffle as they wiped at their eyes. "You wouldn't have cared. You could have kept running. You would've stayed mad at me. I didn't..." they sniffled again, "I don't matter anyways. I would have held you back. I always do."

"Kaipo..." Hearing those words, it was like the image of her friend had completely shattered. She couldn't quite process what was dropped, but slowly and surely the picture became clear:

Her own best friend felt inadequate. "I... I care Kaipo," she said. "You don't. You don't hold me back. And I wasn't-" she was going to say mad, but in reality she was mad; upset because she didn't know what was wrong. "I wouldn't have stayed mad. You're my best friend; you always matter."

Kaipo began shaking their head, tears pouring. It was so hard to finally admit this. "No, I'm not anyone important. I stick to you like a codependent animal. Or like, how I'm a burden to my aunt and uncle. I can't do things for myself, so I always need someone. I'm hardly my own person, Pacifica. I'm nothing!" They sobbed.

Immediately, Pacifica pulled them into her arms and hugged them tight. "Stop," her voice wavered. "Stop. You matter. You matter Kaipo- I'm... I'm so fucking sorry." A fresh wave of sobs hit Kaipo and they cried into her shoulder. Pacifica tried hard to fight back her own tears.

How could she have been so oblivious. Why didn't she try harder. Or maybe, maybe she was doing it wrong? Her friend was hurting and here she was getting mad at them! What more was she supposed to do! "I'm so sorry..." She whispered into their shoulder. Their shoulders bounced lightly, and they spent the next few minutes like this, letting Kaipo cry until their breathing calmed and all the tears stopped pouring. The two were still soaked in the rain, but it didn't matter to them, nor did they notice when it finally stopped.

When Kaipo pulled back, they gently stroked their chin again and kept their eyes down, not sure of what to say.

Yet neither did Pacifica. They sat in silence for another moment until the sogginess became unbearable. Pacifica looked up over at the path of where the race was supposed to be- no runner in sight now- then looked back to Kaipo and said, "Do you wanna go back home?"

Kaipo didn't move. "...yeah," they whispered.

Without another word, Pacifica stood up and carefully helped Kaipo up, being support for them as the two walked back in the direction of the starting line. She called for Verity to ask if she could come get them, and they stayed in silence for the whole time. And Kaipo was just so tired; their eyes were tired. The two sat together in the back and they fell asleep on Pacifica, as she gently stroked them. "You aren't nothing..." she thought to herself. "You're everything."

[rantingswithrage]

Impossible - Chapter Seven

Jared Padalecki x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 4,158

We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity but was probably only a couple of minutes.

Why was I feeling so ashamed? I didn't have to be ashamed around him. I barely knew him and the little that I did know, was the cause of my bad day. I shouldn't care what he thinks. But for some reason, I do care.

"What are their names?" He finally said something. I looked up at him to see him looking right back at me. I gave him a half smile.

"Um, Camden and Matthew." I said just above a whisper. I now was completely regretting telling him. I knew he was probably going to ask more questions about them.

He smiled slightly, "I like those names, which one is older?" He was just making conversation but I was so uncomfortable talking about this.

"Well Camden, she is almost four and Matthew is almost three." I looked up at him, and waited for his reaction. He smiled bigger first and then the smile disappeared completely.

"Um, I don't mean to pry but can I ask you a more personal question?" He just looked at me waiting for a reaction. I simply nodded.

"Do you have a boyfriend, or married or something. I mean, it's okay if you do but I don't want to get you in trouble with anyone." I sighed.

"No, I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. Their father is not involved in either of their lives." It was weird how much information I was just freely passing unto him. At least I know now that I won't have to worry about Jared bothering me again. After tonight, I will never see him again. He probably thinks I am slut.

"Oh, I see." He said smiling again. Silence fell between us and I just wished that the waitress would come back so we could order our food and get closer to getting home and away from this awkward situation.

Jared looked like he was about to say something but was interrupted when a waiter practically ran into our table.

I looked up and froze at who I saw.

"Good evening, my name's Spencer and I am your server. Have you decided on what you would like?” He first looked at Jared.

Jared looked at me, "Ladies first."

The waiter looked over at me for the first time and I looked up at him. Our eyes met and I could see his entire attitude change. He smirked.

"Y/n/n? Well fancy meeting you here. How've you been? Are you dating again?" He asked eyeing Jared.

Jared looked confused.

I looked away from Spencer knowing that my face was tomato red. I stared and studied my hands.

"I, uh..." I didn't know what to say but I didn't get a chance to answer.

"Yes, she is on a date and I have no idea what that has to do with the fact that you have not taken our orders." Jared interrupted causing both Spencer and I to look at him with wide eyes.

Spencer chuckled to himself. "Whoa there fella, I was just trying to catch up. I used to be kinda close to this catch, if you know what I mean." He said 'this catch' while pointing at me.

I didn't say a word, I just looked down again. I was totally humiliated. I know that I was still upset at Jared for what he had done today but I couldn't even begin to describe how embarrassed I felt watching this happen.

"Well, I can see why you are not close anymore if you compare being with a woman to catching a fish." Jared spat.

I looked up at Jared+ and wondered why he was defending me. He really doesn't know anything about me, except for that fact that he has questions about the darkest time in my life. I just kept quiet while I waited to see what was going to happen.

Spencer's eyes narrowed and I could see that familiar look. He was getting angry and that is definitely not a good thing.

He opened his mouth to probably tell Jared to ‘fuck off’ but was cut off by Jared, "I think it is time for you to do your job and take our orders, or am I going to have to go talk to your manager?" Jared stated with authority.

Spencer seemed to realize what his current position was and his face went from angry to bored.

"Fine, whatever. What'ya gonna get." He said trying to seem bored, but could tell that he felt defeated. He knew that there was nothing he could say while he was working.

"Like I said, Ladies first." Jared said and both of their attentions turned back to me.

I was still frozen in place. It was like I had forgotten how to talk.

"Well, come on. If you hadn't noticed, it's really busy and I haven't gotten all night." Spencer snapped.

"I, uh. I want the seasoned chicken with vegetables." I said not making eye contact with him.

Spencer scribbled it down and turned to Jared.

Spencer just gave him a look that said if we were anywhere else, he would have punched him.

Jared smiled, "I will have the 6oz steak, please."

Spencer scribbled it down and looked back up at Jared waiting for him to say more, but when Jared didn't say anything, he sighed and spoke up.

"How do you want it cooked?" Spencer asked obviously annoyed.

Jared smirked, "Medium well, please."

Spencer didn't say a thing as he collected our menus and turned to walk away.

I watched as he stepped away and then turned around and smirked at me. It was not a good smirk. I knew he was planning something. Jared interrupted my thoughts, "Who was that? How does he know you?"

I looked at Jared. He looked like he was generally concerned.

I sighed looking in the same direction that Spencer has just walked away from us. I didn't want to talk about it, and in all honesty, I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to go as far away from this place as I could. I was starting to break down. I was no longer mad at Jared for what he had done to me earlier. All I cared about now was not wanting to remember what had happened so long ago. I remained quiet trying to arrange the words that would help me describe how much I wanted to leave, with out hurting Jared's feelings.

After a few minutes of me ignoring Jared's question, Jared cleared his throat, making me look up at him. He had concern written all over his face. "Are you okay?" He asked staring right into my eyes.

I couldn't look away and I just couldn't lie. "Honestly," my voice was so shaky "I'm not okay. I don't want to be rude, but if it's okay with you, I'd like to go now."

Jared looked slightly hurt but nodded as he began to get up. He obviously knew something was wrong and didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable, which surprised me. Most guys wouldn’t have cared about how I was feeling, they would have wanted to stay and eat and ignore my issues.

He went first and I followed him through the crowd and out to the parking lot.

Jared helped me get in and soon followed by getting in himself. He didn't start the car though, he just sat there for a minute before looking over at me.

"I know that you are upset by what happened, but do you want to go home, or did you just want to leave this particular restaurant?" Jared asked seeming like he was scared of how I would react to his question.

I had no idea how to answer his question. It had been such a long time since I had seen Spencer and it still hurt to see him. It brought me right back to that time. It honestly felt like I had open wounds; like a never ending bleed. I felt like running away from everything. Spencer, Jared, my job... but then, all I pictured was my kids. Those beautiful faces and how sweet and innocent they are. I love them so much. They are the reason why I work so hard. I need the money and the insurance from them. All I want to do right now is be with them.

I sighed remembering Jared's question. "Look, I've had a long day. I know that you wanted to go out and eat, but if it's okay with you, I would really like it if you could bring me home now." I didn't even look at Jared as I said this. I could audibly hear him sigh.

I heard Jared start his car, but then was quickly startled by Jared's response. "No!"

I was forced to look up at him. I raised an eyebrow. Was he serious?

"What?" I asked.

He put both hands on the steering wheel and turned towards me.

"I said no. I am not going to bring you home just yet." he replied. Typical, every guy needs to be in control and have everything go their way. 

This time is different though. Something snapped and anger suddenly rose up inside of me. I couldn't help it. All of the frustration and this emotional roller-coaster that today has brought me through, it all just bubbled up and burst out at this moment.

"You can't be serious. I am exhausted. I worked my butt off to serve you hand and foot after you messed up everything for me at work, and then you practically force me to go out with you when I clearly had no interest. You finally pick a restaurant and our waiter just so happens to be my abusive ex-husband who left me after he realized he didn't want a family anymore. He left me to deal with our children alone. I've told you personal things about myself that you had no right to know and now all I want is for you to take me home so I can relax after the worst day ever. Do you have enough decency in you to respect that?!" I yelled. I was on the verge of tears. I was fuming mad but I was an emotional wreck.

He looked taken aback but then his face changed back.

He never looked away; he just kept his gaze on me.

"Y/n, I don't know what is going on in your life. You're right. I barely know you, and I didn't deserve for you to tell me everything that you did. I am so sorry for all of the damage that I caused today. But, I know that I cannot take you back home right now."

"Oh, and why's that?" I snapped.

He had a sideways smile, "Because I know exactly what you need."

"And what is it that I need?"

"You'll see." He said as he put the car in gear and began to drive.

I had been trying to convince him for about ten minutes that he was practically kidnapping me. He just smiled and shushed me.

I gave up trying to get him to bring me home after a while because it just made me more tired and it was just easier to give in.

After a moment of my silence he reached toward the radio and said, "Perfect! I was waiting for you to calm down so that I could do this." He turned up the volume and the very opposite of what I expected to hear came pouring out of the speakers. It was classical music.

I looked at him and was about to open my mouth when he interrupted me, "Ah, no. Shush! The more quiet you are, the faster this will be over. I promise." He turned towards me as he said, ‘I promise’. I sighed and rested back on my chair.

I looked out the window and couldn't figure out where I was. But all I could see were the beautiful leaves. It's getting to be the prime time in autumn and the leaves are beginning to change. It was so beautiful. I just stared out the window mesmerized by the natural beauty of the season.

Before I realized what was happening, Jared pulled into a drive-thru. It was a place I had never heard of. It was called Tracy's Beanery. He stuck his head out the window and ordered something. I couldn't hear what he said. He didn't ask me if I wanted anything. I was getting aggravated as he pulled up to the window to pay. They took his money, handed him the change and the gave him two hot drink cups. He said a thank you as he drove away. Before we left the parking lot, he pulled quickly into a parking space and put the car in park.

He handed me one of the cups and said, "Alright, this is what is going on. I want you to sit back and relax. I don't know a lot about you but I do know that everyone needs to take a break now and then. You need just a few minutes of peace. And I know that if I took you home right now, that is not what you would get. Drink this. It is hot apple cider. Tonight is a beautiful night. You can enjoy the ride as we see all of the beautiful leaves and listen to some relaxing music. You don't even have to talk. Just give me an hour. One hour and then you can go home. I promise." He raised his hand like was saying 'scouts honor' as he promised.

He was right. If he brought me home right now, the kids would be crazy and it would be impossible for me to get them settled but if I waited a little longer then Riley would have already put them both to bed. And I do love apple cider...

I looked down in my lap defeated. I guess it kinda would be nice to not have to do anything at all.

"Fine," I sighed, "But only for one hour." I stated. Jared's face lit up.

"Good." He said as he turned the music up just a little and began to drive.

We had driven around for fifteen minutes and I was completely relaxed. I never really knew how nice it was to listen to classical music. I never really even thought about it before, it wasn't my thing but all I knew is that it was nice. The apple cider was so good, too. I was almost done with mine. They must have made it right there at the cafe. And all that mixed with the smooth drive and the beautiful weather, I was out of my element. I honestly had never felt so relaxed in my entire life.

I almost forgot that Jared was there until I felt his hand touch mine. I looked at him. His hand was still on mine. It wasn't an accident. He had reached over on purpose.

"Is that okay?" he asked as he continued to drive along the road.

I didn't feel like he was trying to make a move on me. It really felt like he cared. Like he was holding my hand to let me know that I wasn't alone. It was more of a friendly gesture than a romantic one. And for some reason, I was okay with it.

I responded with soft, 'Yeah' and he held my hand a little tighter. And we continued to drive with the only sound being the music from the radio.

It was actually nice. I can't believe how much I was enjoying myself. It was all so simple. A car ride, leaves, apple cider, a hand-hold but it felt like medicine. Like it was taking away everything that had made me sick. It was melting away stress and allowing me to relax far better than I have before.

But all too quickly the hour was up and I looked around outside the window and realized where we were. We were back at work. How he managed that, I'll never know.

He let go of my hand to put the car in park. And then just sat back and looked out his window.

After a few moments of silence I decided to break it. I mumbled a quick "thank you."

He turned back towards me with a soft smile. "You're welcome! I hope you were able to relax just a little."

"I did. I don't know how I went from furious to depressed to furious and then to content, but it was really nice. Even though you had to kidnap me to get me to do it."

He had a playful smirk. "I didn't actually kidnap you. You didn't have to take me up on my offer but I'm glad you did." His smile was contagious and just made me smile back at him. But it quickly faded when I realized that I had to get home to the kids and then, get myself to bed so that I could rest up enough to be able to work tomorrow.

"Um, thank you for this. It was really nice but I should be getting home now." I said hoping that he would understand.

His face was calm and understanding.

"Okay, just tell me which way to go." he said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

We arrived at my apartment building and he parked the car. Then he jumped out and ran over to my door and opened it for me. I thanked him and he nodded.

He walked me to the door to the building.

"Y/n, I really enjoyed spending time with you. I hope that we will see each other again very soon. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your night." he said with another winning smile.

"Thank you for insisting that I stick around for that drive. It really was relaxing and exactly what I needed. It definitely balanced out the bad day." We both smiled.

"Well good, I'm glad." He said. "Go get some rest." He opened the door for me.

"Thank you, I will." I said as I began to walk through.

As I stepped in I felt Jared gently grab my wrist.

“Wait,” he said as I turned back around. He was standing, or should I say towering over me. His face was soft and he had a hopeful look on his face. 

“Yeah?” I said confused as to why he stopped me.

He cleared his throat, “I can’t pretend to understand anything that you’re going through but I can tell you that I know what it feels like to have to fight a battle on your own. That’s why I pushed to have you stay with me for the ride because I knew that sometimes just doing something simple to distract yourself can bring rest in a lot of different ways.” He paused waiting for my reaction.

I was overwhelmed with his compassion and also very curious to hear about his struggles as well. I didn’t know what to say, I simply nodded.

He took that as a good sign and continued, “I can tell that you’ve had to face a lot of things by yourself and your very strong. I was an honor getting to spend time with you today and I hope we can do it again soon.” He smiled.

I returned the smile. “I don't think I’ve ever changed my mind about someone so drastically and so quickly then I did today. You started off as one of my worst clients but then you were there for me in ways that I didn’t even know I needed. I didn't want to go out with you but I owe you one after what you did for me today.”

Jared’s eyes got playfully wide, “I don't think so, I think I’ll be making it up to you for a long time. Some men still don’t know how to act when they see a girl the like. I made a fool of myself today.” I chuckled.

“Eh, let’s call it even.” I smiled. Jared smiled a smile that was practically glowing.

“I’ll take that deal.” He said as he held his hand out for me to shake. As our hands connected and shook up and down, he didn’t let go of my hand. 

His smile faded into a more serious face. His eyes locked on mine.

I was a little nervous until his eyes quickly glanced down to my lips. He slowly leaned in and waited for me to make any kind of response. I haven't even known him for more than a few hours but I had already been through a rollercoaster of emotions. I gave into the moment and stepped in closer to him.

That was all Jared needed. His lips came crashing down onto mine. It was a strong kiss but not forceful. It couldn’t believe the sensation that ran through my entire body. It was like I had been plugged in or I was finally awake after being in a coma. I had never felt anything like it before. Our lips came apart and Jared smiled down at me. I mirrored his smile back up to him.

He slipped his hand into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a business card and handed it to me. 

“Here, this is my business card. I use the information for work.” He smirked. “What most people don’t know is that I’m too lazy to have two accounts for everything, so that is my personal cell number.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. He lightly chuckled at my reaction. “Feel free to text or call me whenever. I’m not going to ask for your number. I feel like I’ve forced you to do enough stuff for one day.” He laughed. “Take as long as you want in reaching out to me, if that is something you’d like to do. Just know that I will be waiting by my phone like every teenage girl in every 80s movie for you to contact me.” He smiled dramatically at me. I laughed at his dramatics which made him flash a real smile down at me.

“Thank you. I’m surprised by how today has turned out but I plan on giving you a call. I just may make you sweat it out for a day or two first.” I giggled mischievously. His pouted his lips and made puppy dog eyes at me. I laughed a little more at his reaction until he perked up.

“You may make me wait but you did say you would call. That’s good enough for me.” He said with a new found spark. I shook my head at his antics.

“Well, I should get inside and relieve Riley from babysitting.” I said as I yawned.

Jared nodded and made a half smile at me as I yawned. “Yeah and you need some rest after a day like today.” He said as he stepped back to clear the path in to the door.

“Yeah, thanks again for tonight.” I said as I stepped inside. 

"Thank you for giving me a very undeserved chance. Goodnight, Y/n. Sleep well and don't forget to call!" He said as he waved.

"I won’t. Goodnight, Jared." I said as I waved back and closed the door. He walked back to his car and then drove away.

As I got in the elevator, I was able to unwind the events of the day.

I started off overwhelmed by the busyness of work then went to being angry at Jared to finally ending in being thankful to him. I don't know how all of those emotions can take a hold in one day but I do know that it was a good day after all. Now, I am exhausted and can actually hear my bed calling my name.

I got to my apartment on the fourth floor. Riley was watching a show on the couch.

"They're both already asleep, and you need to tell me every little thing that happened in the last few hours but tell me tomorrow cause I'm about to pass out." She said as she got up, grabbed her purse and hugged me as she walked out the door.

"Night, Ry. Thanks for everything."

"No problen. Night, Y/n" She said as she walked away to the elevator.

I closed the door and locked it.

I quickly checked on my sleeping beauties and then made my way to my own bed.

All I know is that even after an impossible day filled with impossible people, I am going to get a good night of sleep tonight and maybe I’ll call Jared tomorrow.

[welllpthisishappening]

Hi, it's writer appreciation day and I just wanted to remind you that you're absolutely fantastic and I live for your writing. I always look forward to your posts and I am so mad that tumblr never gives me notifications when you update because I literally want to read everything you write, including your tags. You're wonderful and I could live in your Blue Line universe, all your Yankee!Killian universes and YPLAG universe, fuck, just all of your universes. I love them all. Seriously. Much love~

HELLO YOU ABSOLUTE DELIGHT AND MY FAVORITE!! So I don’t know if you know this, internet, but Ro and I are genuinely in love. It’s real. It’s true. CAPITAL LETTERS TRUE LOVE. I cannot tell you what Ro’s friendship has meant to me and she is the reason Blue Line got finished and the reason The PyeongChang Triple happened which means she’s THE REASON Matthew David Jones exists and she’s willing to join me down this Tyler Seguin rabbit hole. Look at him! LOOK AT HIS FACE! Anyway, nothing I write would be anything without @distant-rose to let me flail at her and send her snippets that are just walls of text. 

Earlier today we were talking about Matthew Jones (as we are apt to do) and talking about him getting his first tattoo and, like, this was real nice, so, uh, here’s some words Ro.

It hurt like hell.

A fact he was quick to point out – several dozen times, each one getting louder and more yelpier than the last and that was totally a word Lizzie came up with while she was doing a pretty pitiful job of not laughing in Matt’s face. And Peggy was doing enough laughing for all of them.

Combined.

For, like, the entire world combined.

“MD, this was your idea,” she said, another repeat and more laughter and Matt was pretty positive even the tattoo artist was starting to chuckle a bit under his breath.

“That’s why he’s so mad about it,” Lizzie mumbled. “It does something weird to his brain when he’s not right about every single thing in the world. He doesn’t know how to cope.”

Peggy appeared to be cackling.

“Mar, I swear, if you don’t shut up—“

“—You’ll what, MD? Please, tell me what you could possibly do. From Boston, that I’m going to find so intimidating.”

“Don’t you have something else to do?”

She shook her head, smile tugging at the ends of her mouth. “Not a single thing. I legitimately cleared my schedule for this.”

“What does that say about you?”

“Probably a lot of things I don’t want to acknowledge,” Peggy admitted, eyes flitting towards a clearly amused Lizzie. “You’ve got to stop shaking the phone though, Lizzie, it’s making me dizzy and Mom and Dad are going to know something is going on if Iike…I get vertigo or something.”

“You are sitting down, Margaret,” Matt seethed. He hissed in his breath when the needle passed over what appeared to be the single most sensitive piece of skin on his entire body, and both his sister and his cousin rolled their eyes in practiced tandem.

“Should we point out again that this was genuinely your idea, Mattie?” Lizzie asked. “And you researched this.”

“Almost too much,” the tattoo artist mumbled, and Peggy nearly fell off her bed in New York. Matt groaned. That didn’t have anything to do with the needle.

“Mar, seriously, I’m going to tell Mom and Dad about that time you nearly pushed Chris in front of a cab on Astor Place.”

Peggy stopped laughing immediately. Lizzie cursed under her breath. “Shit, Mattie,” she mumbled. “That’s intense.”

“And patently untrue,” Peggy added. “I refuse to agree that. I didn’t try to push him in front of a cab—“

“—Ehhh,” Matt interrupted. “He was pretty bruised and battered.”

“That’s not true either! Also, he was like six and really enjoyed running away from us and we weren’t supposed to be there!”

Matt widened his eyes, like that answered that, but then the needle moved again and it felt like his entire body was on fire and possibly drowning and he’d take being checked eight-thousand times, directly under the shoulder blades, if this ended quicker.

“God, you’re seriously the world’s biggest wimp,” Lizzie sighed. “Also can someone explain to me why you three were sneaking onto Astor Place and letting Chris run in front of cabs?”

Peggy growled, low and threatening and that was almost more intimidating than whatever the hell the needle in his arm was doing because Matt was well acquainted with that sound. It usually ended with her finding a stick and hitting him, no less than, six times in the ankles. On both feet.

“That’s not what happened,” Peggy promised. “MD is a giant liar who is totally overreacting about the pain of a tattoo in a normal tattoo spot that normal people get every day and worrying because he thinks Mom and Dad are going to be upset about this great, big enormous secret.��

“It’s a secret?”

“Again, because MD is an idiot.”

“And sitting right here,” Matt hissed, grumbling a string of words he’d learned during a particularly emotional game during that final Cup run and both Lizzie and Peggy whistled when they realized what he’d said. The tattoo artist looked confused. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbled. “I know I’ve got to sit still.”

The tattoo artist hummed in agreement. Peggy had started laughing again.

“So, someone going to finish this story or should I hang up on you, Peg, and just go directly to the Chris-type source?” Lizzie asked archly.

“Oh my God, no, don’t do that either,” Peggy sighed. “He’ll just agree with MD on principle. The highlights—“

“—Or lowlights, as it were,” Matt interrupted, flashing his sister a smile when she flipped him off.

“Highlights,” she repeated. “It was like two days before Christmas, we kind of, sort of, didn’t get gifts for Mom and Dad, we didn’t want to go near Midtown and, well…it was crowded on Astor Place, Chris might have been hopped up on sugar.” She cut herself off immediately, head snapping towards Matt like she was challenging him to object and his smile felt as wide as it had since the needle had started pricking at his arm. It had to be almost over. “There was a lot of sugar involved,” Peggy continued. “And Chris was excited about Christmas and a tree and running and an almost run in with a cab. It was fine. He was fine. He just kind of—“

“—Fell over,” Matt finished. “In the street. A tourist nearly stepped on him.”

Lizzie looked equal parts stunned and horrified. “That’s the worst Christmas story I’ve ever heard.”

“We never guaranteed it’d be a good Christmas story.”

“What did you end up getting your mom and dad?”

Matt considered that for a moment, gaze flicking towards Peggy and she’d collapsed back on her bed at some point. “We got Dad a t-shirt jersey of his own jersey and Mom got some like…trading card thing of Dad that he signed for Steiner sports approximately twenty-thousand years ago.”

Lizzie laughed, shoulders shaking quickly enough that Matt was almost sure she didn’t realize how tightly he was gripping her right hand. “Wow, you guys suck as kids.”

“Ah, that’s not true,” Matt objected. “Something, something, it’s the thought that counts right?”

“And this is way better than any Christmas or birthday or anniversary gift we could have given them,” Peggy added. “Top-tier Jones Line sentimentality.”

“You’re not the one with a needle jabbing your skin, Mar.”

“And now neither are you,” the tattoo artist said, far too much joy in his voice, like he couldn’t wait for all of them and their very loud FaceTime call to get the hell out of his shop. “Done.”

Matt blinked. “Done?”

“Done.”

And, really, Matt knew his parents wouldn’t freak out about the tattoos. Or tattoo – singular, the first one, probably the first of man, but some of his earliest memories were his mom putting his dad’s wedding ring back on over the ink that wrapped around his left ring finger so he figured he was kind of free to do what he wanted.

But Peggy was right too and it was absurd and kind of sentimental and he hadn’t actually told anyone except Lizzie or Peggy he was thinking about doing it.

They didn’t notice at first.

That made sense too, his arms were covered by his jersey and he was on the ice more often than not and there wasn’t really time to come home during the season, but then it was the offseason and summer in New York refused to allow anything except short-sleeve shirts and it was only a matter of time.

As both Peggy and Chris kept muttering under their breath whenever Matt walked by them in the hallway for the few weeks he was home.

His dad saw it first. Figured.

“What is that?” he asked, sitting at the table in the kitchen with a mug in his hands and a pile of papers next to him that probably detailed the incoming rookies strengths and weaknesses.

Matt nearly tripped over his own feet. “What’s what?”

“Matthew.”

“Ah, you just…jumped right into serious, huh?”

He lifted his eyebrows, mouth set in a thin, straight line and he didn’t actually ever put the mug down. That felt more threatening. “Matthew,” his dad repeated. “What’s on your arm?”

“I feel like you already know the answer to that question.”

“And that’s a pretty God awful answer.”

“I figured you’d be cool about it.”

“I’m not uncool about it. I’m curious.”

Matt sighed, well acquainted with that tone of voice as well and he might have mumbled that’s not fair, hooking his foot around a free chair and sinking onto it with a distinct lack of grace. His dad peered at the ink on his arm, a string of black and he didn’t understand.

“Ok, ok, so I totally was going to tell you,” Matt started, already rushing over the words and there were few things he hated more than whatever his dad’s eyebrows did whenever he was trying to explain some sort of ridiculous situation. “But then I kept thinking about it and it’s honestly the dumbest thing I’ve ever done—“

“—I hate to tell you this, Matt, but it’s kind of tattooed on your body.”

“No, no, I’m not regretting the actual ink. I think that’s kind of cool, right?”

The eyebrows got higher. They defied gravity and the expectations of fatherhood. Matt tried not to slink in his chair.

“It’s kind of cool,” he mumbled. “And you’ve got ‘em, so…”

He trailed off, not sure he could finish that sentence without saying something else he’d regret and he probably wouldn’t if he just told his dad I kind of always want to be you, but neither one of them had actually finished their coffee yet. That felt like something to say while properly caffeinated.

“Anyway,” Matt continued. “I, um, I did a ton of research and talked to the artist about font choices and where to do it and it hurt like hell, but it’s—“

“—They’re coordinates,” his dad said suddenly, and Matt could almost hear the metaphorical light bulb. “Aren’t they?”

He nodded. “Yeah, uh, the longitude and latitude of the Garden.”

It took a moment to find enough room on the table for the coffee mug, and Matt wasn’t entirely prepared to be yanked across the kitchen floor in an actual kitchen chair, but his dad’s arm wrapped around his shoulder and caffeine was probably bad for him during the offseason anyway.

“I like it a lot.”

“Thanks,” Matt muttered.

“It hurt?”

“Like hell. Mar laughed the whole time.”

“Was your sister there?”

“You think Mar snuck to Boston to watch me get tattoos?”

“It honesty wouldn’t surprise me at this point. And there was a plural in there. Are there more than one?”

Matt shook his head, lungs feeling less pinched than they’d been a few minutes before and he grunted when Chris flew into the kitchen, jumping into his stomach and kicking both his legs in the process. “God, C,” he groaned. “Control your limbs.”

“Yeah, good luck with that,” his dad laughed. “I think I still have bruises from you.”

“There’s only one tattoo.”

“For now.”

“Eh,” Matt shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe it won’t hurt the second time around.”

“Next time you see Scarlet ask him how loud he yelled when we got the tattoos after the first Cup. I think there’s still video evidence of his inability to cope out there in the world.”

Matt laughed, tugging Chris further up onto the chair and it was only a matter of time before his mom showed up to remind them the chairs can’t hold that much body weight. “Can I get a tattoo, too?” Chris asked, two heads shaking in response and he, somehow, managed to kick Matt again.

“Wait a couple years, C,” Matt grinned, twisting to grab his dad’s coffee mug and grinning when he was met with a decidedly non-English curse. “Then we’ll talk."

[ellanainthetardis]

so, quit some time ago already, i threatened you to post some prompts for Hayffie. if you're still willing to take them, here they follow: 1) HaDS - AU chapter 85:They got a real big fight and Haymitch actually suceeds 'cause Effie is ready to quit. And then he realizes he doesn't actually want her to quit. - 13Fische

A word of update first thing! I might not update ITGN tomorrow! We had conflicted schedules for beta-reading and I might not have access to wifi so it’s up in the air for now… I will keep you updated! [x]

One Gets Used To Effie Trinket

The glass hit the wooden counter of the barwith a dull sound and Haymitch waved at the Avox bartender to fill it again. Itwas late enough that the mentor lounge was completely deserted. Sometimes,voices floated to him as people passed in front of the room – victors, escortsand Gamemakers alike, all coming back from various parties – but for the mostpart it was completely silent saved for the discreet clicking of the glassesand bottles while the Avox cleaned.

“Come on, guys!” his best friend’s voicesuddenly boomed outside. “Just one more!”

“I think you had more than enough, Chaff.”Seeder gently rebuked but, even as she said it they all staggered inside theroom, so clearly drunk that Haymitch could hardly hide a frown of annoyance. Hewanted to get wasted in peace, not be forced to catch up with inebriatedpeople. Seeder and Wiress were clearly the most sober ones – which wasn’tsurprising – but Blight and Beetee were just as toasted as Chaff. “Oh, hello,Haymitch.”

“Hi.” he mumbled, downing his brand new drinkand pondering the merits of making his escape to the penthouse – or to a bar intown. Before he could do little more than wave the Avox for another refillthough, Chaff had tossed his good arm around his neck and had dragged him tothe table everyone else had sat at. “You’re strangling me.”

“Suits you well for having abandoned us tothose two.” Chaff sulked, nodding to Seeder and Wiress who exchanged an amusedsmile and an eye roll. “Where the fuckwere you, buddy? We missed you.”

“Seems like you had a good night all the same.”he snorted, dropping on the chair next to Blight. Seven’s victor had folded hisarms on the table and had propped his head on them, very obviously on the vergeof falling asleep right there and then. “He’s down for the count.”

“I will call Wilma, she can deal with him.”Seeder sighed.

Haymitch wasn’t sure Seven’s other mentor wouldbe really happy about that development but he let it slide.

“Is everything alright, Haymitch?” Wiressfrowned.

“He’s not drunk.” Beetee declared.

“Very astute observation.” Three female mentorretorted.

Beetee nodded thoughtfully. “Thank you.”

Haymitch chuckled a little, accepting the glassthe Avox placed in front of him with a quiet word of thanks. So maybe a drinkwith friends wouldn’t hurt. What was he even doing drinking in silence, beingangry and upset because…

“So, is everything alright?” Wiress pressed,reaching out to squeeze his hand.

“What’s up, buddy?” Chaff asked with a frown ofhis own, catching up even in his obvious state of drunkenness. “You don’t lookgood.”

“I’m fine.” he denied. “Celebrating actually.”It might have been more convincing if he hadn’t sounded so… dejected. He waited for one of the olderwomen to point it out but neither did, either out of respect or because theywere waiting for him to elaborate. He could elaborate. He could elaboratewithout any problem. Because he was glad. “Trinket’s finally quitting.”

“Yippee!”Chaff shouted, flinging both his good arm and his shorten one in the air. Hewas the only one to express any sort of joy though. Even Beetee, who seemedreally buzzed, looked at him like he knew better. And it was nothing comparedto the way Seeder and Wiress were both studying him. He didn’t say a word. Hisbest friend seemed to pick up on the not so happy mood though. “No yippee? Thought it was a yippee kind of things.”

“Oh, it’s yippeething alright.” he scoffed. “I’m gonna fuckingyodel once I’m drunk enough. Just letme get there.” He stole Chaff’s glass because his friend had had enough and he wasn’t even tipsy yet. He had beendrunk before but Trinket had soberedhim up with that stupid claim that… “I’m gonnaget there.”

“What did you do?” Seeder sighed.

“How is it myfault?” he snapped defensively before shaking his head. “Not that I fucking care. Good riddance. Three yearsof her is more than anyone can take.I’m happy. I’m fucking thrilled.She’s quitting. So what? I’m finallygonna have some peace. She’s just…She’s fucking impossible! Never stopstalking, never stops lecturing me about shitlike I’m some kid… She’s just… She’s…”

He stuttered to a halt, not quite able toremember why he wanted her gone that much.

“The best escort you ever had?” Seedersuggested sternly.

“She does look competent.” Wiress approved, alittle more hesitantly.

“Is she up for grab?” Chaff asked, suddenlymore interested. “‘Cause I’m so donewith Vile-ola.”

Haymitch could understand that, one year ofViola Summercket had been enough for him. Eleven’s escort really wasn’t nice.

“You heard what I said or what?” he spat, moreaggressively than necessary. “She ain’t getting promoted, she’s quitting.”

“But why? What happened?” Beetee cut in.

“She’s crazy.” he muttered. “What’s new?”

“Haymitch.” Seeder sighed.

“Oh, fuckoff!” he snapped, pushing himself up so violently that Blight startledawake, clearly confused, and looking for a threat. Wiress stole the bottle awaybefore he could hit someone with it but it was a close thing. He stormed outbefore his friends could ask more questions he didn’t want to answer. He wasalmost at the elevator when he heard the hurried and unsteady footsteps behind him.“Chaff, I’m really not in the mood.”

“I’m gonna help you.” his best friend promised.“We just have to talk to her. You don’t want her to quit, she ain’t quitting.Easy like that. I’m gonna tell her. Don’t worry. I’m gonna take care ofeverything for you.”

Haymitch shook his head, a smirk stretching hislips despite himself. “You’re wasted.”

“Beyond wasted.” Chaff dismissed. “Not thepoint. You’re in trouble, I’m coming to the rescue.”

He had all the troubles in the world convincinghis friend to stop on Eleven’s floor instead of striding into Trinket’s bedroomand dragging her out of bed so they could all have a talk. He didn’t want to have a talk. They had had enough talks. Talking was what had gotten theminto that situation in the first place. Talking led to fighting.

Fighting led to…

Fighting apparentlylet to the kind of things that had her quitting.

Well… Maybehe shouldn’t have said the thing he had said after they were done… doing the thing fighting led to.

He rubbed his eyes as the elevator chimed tolet him know he had arrived.

Fucking his escort against the wall wasn’t howhe had planned on spending the night.

There had been a moment of uncertainty betweenthe time he had finished and the time they had bolted apart, screamingaccusations and horrified comments at each other’s head. He hadn’t even losthis pants during the whole thing, they had just been opened enough for him to…And that skirt? How had he even found his target under that puffy skirt?

He didn’t know what had happened, truth betold.

They had been fighting, stuff had been said,buttons had been pushed, she had mentioned his Games, he had gone ballistic, she had tried to hit him, he had shoved her against thewall… Then they had been fucking. Notransition. And then they had been fighting again. He had told her how much shesucked in bed and she had hurled at his face that she was quitting. And when hehad challenged that ridiculous claim, she had repeated it again and again withmore conviction each time until she had stormed out and slammed her bedroomdoor shut.

He had expected to find the penthouse dark anduninviting. The light in the living-room was on and it was surprising enoughgiven the time of night that he walked there a little wary. He was half convincedhe would find a very displeased Head Gamemaker Torello – because the man hadbeen very clear he was done with Haymitch creating troubles for escorts – so hewas relieved to realize it was only Trinket.

“I hope you are not drunk enough that youcannot take yourself to bed because I will let you drown in your own sickwithout a single twitch of guilt.” she warned without even looking at him.

She was standing next to the bay windows,watching the city spread out underneath. She had discarded her heels and shelooked far too small without them, frail almost. The pink wig was still on herhead though and, not for the first time, he wondered if it was glued there. He had no clue what herreal hair looked like. He hadn’t gotten a glimpse of what was under that skirtand he was pretty sure that what he had touched had been hairless anyway. Hefound he was curious about that. Her hair color. He was curious about herbecause she refused to be just another drone like all the other escorts he haddriven to quit. She actually cared.Not just about winning or her image but she genuinely cared about the kids. Shemade him curious and in turn it made him mad because he had no business beingcurious about a Capitol.

“Ain’t drunk.” he spat.

“Good, this will make it easier then.” sheretorted haughtily, still not sparing a look for him. A glass of white wine washanging perilously from the tips of her fingers and he wondered if she was drunk. She didn’t even soundtipsy but with her it was always hard to tell. “I have thought long and hardabout your behavior earlier…”

“Mybehavior?” he scowled, interrupting her. “You’re the one who jumped on me,Trinket.”

“Unbelievable!”she huffed. “You have some nerves! You practically assaulted me…”

“You were the one doing the assaulting!” he growled.“Wasn’t the one trying to hit you.”

“Oh, so because I tried to slap you when youmost deserved it, it makes it alright for you to pin me against a wall and…”she hissed. She didn’t finish that thought though. She sighed, leaned forwarduntil her forehead was resting against the pane of the window, and clearly madean effort to add some cheer to her voice. “To be fair, there were two of us andI did not try to push you away.”

“To befair, your hands were all over my dick.” he sneered.

“You seemed to need some guidance.” shetaunted, finally turning around, fire in her eyes and an irritated pout on hermouth.

“Never needed any before.” he mocked. “Neverhad a complain either.”

“Your previous lovers must have poor expectations,then. I usually insist on my partner making me come at least once instead offinishing in a few strokes like the selfish greedy jerk you are.” shedeadpanned. “Do not kid yourself. It was not that good.”

“Thought we already established that earlier.”he shrugged.

That was what he had shouted at her. That shewasn’t good, not worth the trouble ofworking for it. That was what had made her say…

She glared at him but obviously made an effortto remain calm.

“What happened was a fluke.” she stated slowly.“Tempers were running high, we were emotional about our tributes still…”

“Don’t bring the kids into this.” he warned.The kids had died a brutal death and deserved better than to be used as anexcuse because they were fucked uppeople who had jumped each other’s bones right there like animals unable tocontrol themselves. “This is between you and me, Trinket.”

She pursed her lips, probably not quite happywith his tone, but waved her glass in the air with a dangerous carelessness.She was definitely not sober, hedecided.

“Fine.” she granted. “Still. It was a fluke. It certainly won’t happen again.”

“Never.” he snorted because that was for sure. He shrugged again.“Almost didn’t happen, yeah? Barelysaw anything what with that ugly thing on your back.” Her narrowed eyes wereenough warnings for him not to go too far down that road. She tolerated hisinsults on her fashion sense up to a point but he had clearly used all hisallotted gibes on the subject for the day. “I was drunk. You were upset…”

“It was over in ten minutes.” she nodded inagreement.

“Yeah, that’s not flattering for you or for meso…” He made a face. “Let’s forget about it, yeah?”  

“Yes.” she breathed out with complete relief.“And in the spirit of goodwill I will apologize for bringing up your Gamesearlier. I crossed a line.”

He took a deep breath because the mere mentionof the Quell…

“Okay.” he nodded. “Then I’m sorry I said youwere frigid.”

“You shouldbe because I am actually anythingbut.” she retorted without missing a beat, a sassy grin on her yellow paintedlips. “Too bad you will never find out.”

“Careful, sweetheart. You might give me ideas.”he smirked.

She shook her head at him, finished her glassand placed it down on the liquor cart in the corner of the room. “I am gladthis is resolved. Now… I advise going to bed. We have interviews scheduled inthe morning.”  

Although he inwardly groaned at the mention ofinterviews, he had hoped the conversation was headed that way and truly relaxedfor the first time since he had come back. “So you ain’t really quitting, then?”

She blinked twice, her fake eyelashes slowlyfluttering up and down, watching him with puzzlement. The perfect picture ofcandid innocence.

He knew better than to buy it.

“Why, I have no idea what you mean, Haymitch.” she laughed slowly. “Quitting?Why would I quit when I am so closeof getting promoted? I have a good feeling for next year. I am sure I will soonmove on to one of the Career Districts. Won’t you be relieved to be rid of me then?”

Her laughter was as fake as could be andHaymitch didn’t join in.

He didn’t dispute her statement either but heknew better.

One got used to Effie Trinket.

[lueluepanue-blog]

"You're not perfect either."

This is what youd always try and point out to me almost every argument. This is what you tried to point out to me post breakup when I tried to get you to once see you were wrong. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. The thing is, is theres a difference between what I “Did” to you and you to me. Yes. I was messy. Yes, I could have cooked more often. And then there’s the “controling” card you try and throw out as well. Controlling even though I endlessly gave you what you wanted or id never hear the end of it. And even if it bothered me inside-such as having sleepovers with girls youve slept with, or whatever it was that was “controlling”- I gave you what it was that you wanted cause my feelings were always underneath yours. The thing is, is i didnt pinch or squeeze you as hard as I could if I heard something or you said something I didnt like in front of friends and even family. I didnt get drunk and when wed get home id be throwing up or lose the soul in my eyes black out and choke you- (More then one occasion.) I didnt complain about everything you do for me. Wether it was the clothes i bought you, the phone my grandmother bought you, trips Id planned, dinners I bought, where we lived (especially with my family, even though we were homeless), trying to cheer you up constantly cause you were always mad or bothered by something… you were never grateful, always had a negative comment, always a flaw with what was being done for you. Nothing was good enough. I didnt take my anger out on you day in and day out. If you were grumpy you made sure I was grumpy too. And I’d try and reverse the anger by making you smile over and over. But youd get meaner and meaner hurting me and my feelings. I didnt hurt your feelings constantly or shun you away from kisses and hugs. And when my feelings were hurt and you were clearly in the wrong itd take me a good 3 hours to go through why you owe me and apology and what you did wrong. And even still most times you saw nothing wrong with your behavior in which id finally break down with panic attack telling you that you continuously hurt me and that you needed to change only for you to finally say sorry after crushing me down to the point where sorry should have been said so long ago it didnt mean anything. You said sorry too late too many times. Sometimes if I were lucky you’d acknowledge you knew you had a problem and that you couldn’t help it but that you loved me and if I loved you id put up with it. Making me believe it was okay for someone who says they love someone to treat them like that and that i had to basically be okay with how i was treated. Remember I was told by you I couldn’t drive the car for two years. Yet bitched cause you had to drive me everywhere. Remember how we always listened to your music? And not mine? Cause if it were something I wanted to listen to, or watch on tv you acted rude and huffed and puffed because you wanted to listen to your music. I never was continuously late to pick you up from work. Or forgot you cause I was too drunk at the bar. (Happened one time, regardless, you were 2 and half hours late and drunk at the bar before you even realized I was done with work). You were a nice drunk. Except for when you were alone with me. I never said things to embarrass you or upset you in front of family and friends on purpose if i were mad. I never left you during our relationship and fucked an ex and you at the same time telling both i loved them. I never kissed your mom drunk, or made out with people at the bar drunk then make an excuse for it. I never blatantly hit on your mom in front of you. I never pushed you in front of your mother either. I never stopped giving you attention, or stopped wanting to play. I NEVER. It goes on and on. There’s a difference between things people should work on to improve their relationship and straight up mental and physical abuse. “You act like I beat you.”-your words. Okay so because you didnt kick the shit out of me its not abuse? Pinching? Slapping? Choking? Squeezing? “You act like I did it all the time”- your words. Okay so because it didnt happen everyday the damage it caused my heart and mind is irrelevant? And then there’s the emotional abuse. Putting me down about being bisexual. Questioning me to the point no matter what answer i gave it upset you even if it were the truth. Calling me a whore. (Even though you slept with more people) ….**makes alot of sense*** telling me im disgusting over my past or shame me. Telling me i need to stop eating cause I was getting “big”. Justifying hurting my feelings in any shape or form making me believe i was worthless. In what right mind does someone get to hurt someone’s feelings and then get mad at them for getting upset about it. Oh dear my love I could go on and on. Mentally id rather take 12 punches to the face than deal with the mental side of abuse. So, finally one day I gained courage to leave the woman im in love with. I told you itd happen eventually over and over. That id take everything and end it. And that would make you mad. Shame on me for giving countless opportunities to turn everything around grow old with me. Shame on me for trying and fighting for as long as I could and finally breaking from the pain. So I left. And instead of saying to yourself I could have my home and family back if I changed my behavior towards my fiance, you were mad cause I took it away. And even still, I offered to help you out. I said all we needed was some space and for you to get back on track and wed be fine. But no. I was still the monster. I was a “whore” for sleeping with people who at the time hadnt even been slept with. I hadnt even slept with anyone and you were sending nudes and sexting on day three or four. I was a bitch and a cunt for leaving you with “nothing.” Instead of fixing the problem, you pushed me farther away. You were drinking every night. Threatening your life and threatening to crash my car. Name calling. Doing everything opposite of what a person would do if they were to actually fix things. So I started taking away my help. Stopped talking to you as often cause I didn’t want to be put down any longer. Everytime I tried after breaking up youd lash out and be mean and then clam down and tell me youd fix it. Except I had heard it a million times over. Heaven forbid i wanted you to prove for once you meant it. Once I became silent waiting for you, you started the statuses. Degrading me. Making me seem crazy. Making it look like it was me all along. And i wanted to kill myself. How could one person put me through so much and then make the public believe I was the one in the wrong. Then I got the apologies after you knew deep down you were gonna kill me. Then I got the kisses when i saw you again. Then I got the care and love i wanted when i saw you. But it seemed fake. I was so used to you hurting me i didnt believe you when you briefly gave me love those couple of times. After I wanted to die i was so numb and stripped of myself i slept with others. I started to lose hope in us. I wanted attention. And love. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was. And i closed you out still hoping youd eventually come knocking on my door to lift me up and kiss me telling me it was all gonna be okay now. Hoping you would have fought for us. Fixed your mistakes. Hoping id be able to have my family back together and that you truly loved me. After sleeping with them you sort of tried still. New girl was already relevant in your life at this point too. I wasn’t concerned though. You were giving me somewhat of what i wanted with her there. Kisses. Misses. Got a job. I thought you were finally getting it. I was ready for you to come home. And then you cut me cold. Told me I could have had you. Told me it was because I slept with others even though you were loving on me after that. Even though you were sleeping around too. Told me I couldn’t have you and it was my fault. Told me you were moving on with her. Little did i know you were with her long before my knowledge and still giving me false hope. According to facts she was your girlfriend may 11th just wasnt publicly announced. It took you only from the last week of march to the second week of may to forget all about 2 years of family and someone who really loved you. 7 weeks to move on. Meanst the whole time bitched at me for “moving on and seeing others” when im the one who stayed single and faithful to our family and youre the one who moved on. The one who moved on when they were the one who caused the problem. How humiliating for me. How unloved and forgotten and betrayed I felt. I had faith in you and us even after all the pain i was caused and I got shit on. How disappointing, I thought our love was real. I thought instead of finding a new girl to love youd wipe the tears from the one whos done everything for you, your family, and fix the broken. How unimportant and small i felt. How worthless and not speacial you showed me I was. And then I wanted to die all over again. My whole belief in anything and everything was crumbled. I spent two years trying to make it work for us. Gave everything I had in me to fight for us. Meanst while getting fucked in the head and hurt repeatedly. And i wasn’t even worth one attempt. I begged for you to realize. Begged for us. Begged for you to realize I was suffocating and the pain was all so much dying would have been easier. Mentally after everything i was fucked up in the head. Who wouldn’t Be? That’s when you told me “I need professional help and that I was sick.” Dear God, but boy oh boy you never saw you were the one who caused it. You never saw you should have fixed it. All you saw was me breaking down and that it was “my fault” cause I could have had you. I was nothing to you anymore. My screams for you to come home were just annoying noise and I “wasn’t” your baby anymore so you let me burn. And you watched. “You weren’t there for me when i wanted to die”-your words. Heaven forbid i told you i want a break and for once let you live with what you did. Thinking youd take me seriously about our relationship. You never did. You let it slip away. “Why would you wanna be with me if it was that bad and we always fought.”-your words. The answer is simple. I love you. I love all the good and the bad. I love the way you were when you weren’t treating me horribly. I even love your mental illness. However, I don’t love abuse. Mental or physical. I always told you I don’t want to change who you are, I want you to change how you treat me. And that was too hard for you. You didnt want to. And then I realized after all this you hadn’t fixed anything. You quit your job. You blamed me for us not being together. You got a new girl. And you ran away from your problems. All along the only reason I wanted you back was for the sake of I was seeing some improvements. And boy was I wrong after being shit on. Now i don’t know if you ever truly loved me or are capable of love. If you can do it to me- someone who loved you truly so much and did everything for you who you say you love- then youll do it to anybody, anyone. You see, I know you so well, I was the one person who saw your flaws knew to put you in your place, continued to try for us regardless, and at the end of the day still loved you and knew deep down you were better than it, and had faith in you even still. How sad to have let me get to this point. To push me aside. To disregard everything ive done, and spend the rest of life without me. And yet id still let you come back and always will. BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE UP ON PEOPLE OR LOVE JUST BECAUSE IT’S TOUGH. And maybe youll never realize, and maybe you will. And if you do, youll know what you have to do to truly make it right. And if you dont, that is a damn shame for you. And for myself.

Tonight I put these words visibly and clearly for my love. For myself. For us. For family.

I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I miss you with every cell in my body. I see you in everything and everywhere I go.

However, I am strong. Please know its okay to be wrong