#class 7 english worksheet with answers

[dharmendrajadav0208]

std 7 english textbook

Ncert

[enterpris]

An Education in Attraction, Chapter 7

Pairing: Reader x Gojo

Summary: It's spring when you start your Master's degree. As the flowers and leaves unfold, so too do your feeling for Gojo

Warnings: Mild swearing

Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Ao3: PlaidSparrow

"Teacher! What are we doing in class today? Can we skip the lesson and just have conversation time?" Kaba Ryo is one of your more enthusiastic students. 

You wave the stack of assignments in front of you. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we've got some worksheets today. There will be plenty of time to talk after, though."

He sighs and walks to the front of the classroom. You hand the sheets to Ryo, who lays them out on each desk as the rest of your students trickle in. 

Many of the students greet you as they enter, and your heart swells. Teaching while completing your graduate program is taxing, but there’s nowhere else you feel the same joy as when you’re leading the classroom. In the couple months you’ve been working with this group, the students have really warmed up to you. Not only are they more eager to participate in conversations with each other, they have plenty of questions about your life before coming to Japan and outside of the Eikaiwa school too. 

Today they’re flooding you with questions about how hard the classes in your Graduate program are. 

"Not as hard as learning a new language," you assure them. "What you're doing now will prepare you well for university."

You’ve settled into a rhythm of letting the students ask some questions at the beginning of class, it’s a good opportunity for them to practice new words and speaking. You answer since it’s a good application of listening skills too. Then you have them complete the worksheets. The sheets will introduce the new vocab in the next unit you planned. Since you're thinking so much about your future, you want to incorporate future tense and more professional words into your lessons. 

The second half of your sessions is where you have the most fun. Language learning is best done through practice, and giving the students some freedom to converse or preparing a game for them to apply grammar concepts is probably more fun than doing worksheets too. Today you’ll have them talk about their future dreams- jobs, goals, whatever the students hope for really. 

Most of these students have been enrolled in Eikaiwa schools since lower Middle School, and came into your class with high levels of proficiency. You just want to nurture their natural curiosity and talents. 

But you’re also determined to make sure your pupils are challenged. You want your students to pick up new phrases and ask questions about why English is the way that it is. Being able to communicate in English is a valuable skill in the current world, even though you have mixed feelings about your native tongue being a Lingua Franca.  

“Future tense in English is super easy, I bet you all can master it by the time you leave class today.” You explain the basics of using ‘will’ or ‘going to’ as auxiliary verbs. Then you turn the class loose to get some hands-on experience with the new structures. 

You walk around the circle of desks and listen to the overlap of your students’ conversations. You smile to yourself. The high schoolers are immediately integrating the vocabulary from the practice sheet, and they’re successfully beginning to use present tense too. You only have to make corrections to two conversation groups before the class is over.

It’s incredible to think about just how far these students have come so far. The first couple of classes were so reserved and quiet, you’ve had to really work on encouraging the students to speak up. But that’s the exciting part of teaching- engaging each pupil and finding what they’re passionate about and how they learn. When it’s time to end the class, your students are still chatting amongst each other, switching between Japanese and English.  

“Thank you!”

“See you next week!”

The chorus of support from your students is more intense than usual as they head out. You think it’s probably because you assign less homework than some of their previous teachers, but nonetheless, you can’t shake the satisfaction of a fruitful class as you pack up your bag and hop on the metro home. 

Browsing on your phone as you wait for your stop, you see that Gojo texted you again- it must have come through just as you were starting class. He had reached out asking if you were available to work on things today. 

That’s…interesting. After the relative success of your last meeting, perhaps he’s gotten over the awkwardness from the beginning of the term. One civil meeting hasn’t mended the insult of his brash outburst though, and even though he’s reaching out of his own volition, you’re hesitant to meet again.    

You debate your response for a moment and then send a quick apology, explaining that you work part time teaching and you hadn’t seen his message earlier. Since it’s already approaching evening, and it’s unlikely he wants to spend his Saturday night writing an academic paper with you, you don't offer to meet him now. 

You’ve fallen into the habit of spending your Sundays at the cafe just off campus though. The beige interior and quiet morning crowd are quite conducive to more lengthy reading, and you’ve got plans to catch up on the next chapters. You don’t want to completely brush off your partner, so on a whim you invite Gojo to join you tomorrow, it’s likely he’ll be too busy anyway.

By the time the metro stops and you walk back to your dorm, he hasn’t responded. 

The next morning, sun leaks through your window and paints your room with warmth. You’ve barely blinked but the mild sunshine of May is quickly melting into the sweltering summer of June, bringing later evenings and beautiful early mornings. 

As you dress for the day you check your phone and see that Gojo had sent you an affirmative message in the early hours of the morning. You hesitate, it had been an impulsive invite and you hadn’t thought he’d actually take you up on your offer. 

Apparently he is serious about working on things, though.

You pack up your bag and head to the cafeteria to grab breakfast, sending Gojo a quick message that he can expect you at the cafe in around an hour. A very normal breakfast should settle your nerves and set you up to be your cleverest when working on the project. 

After a quick stop for breakfast, you’re surprised to see Gojo’s beat you to the cafe. He’s already lounging in the small chair and sipping something. The table he’s chosen is tucked in the back, close to where you had sat the second time you’d met. You might have missed him if not for his very distinctive hair. 

When you sit down, Gojo offers you a smile. There’s no notes or drinks waiting this time, but he seems to be in good spirits.  

“Hey,” he greets. 

You respond in kind and start to set up. It feels strange to not engage in some kind of small talk, but you haven’t forgotten how unresponsive he originally was when you tried to ask about his weekend. Perhaps this new sunnier mood will make him more chatty too. Before you can break the silence, Gojo interrupts your thoughts. 

“So this is where you were working on your example problems alone?”

You blanch. Maybe Gojo hasn��t forgiven you for working alone just yet. 

The shock must be evident on your face because he laughs and leans farther back in his chair. It’s warm and deep- a genuine laugh. 

“Damn, you thought I was mad still, huh?”

Now this is a side of Gojo you haven’t seen before. He’s been quiet and standoffish and rude, but never- teasing? 

You’re feeling unmoored and strange. You shake off the similarities and answer. 

“Uh, yeah. But this is where I do a lot of my work, it’s usually pretty slow here on Sundays.”

“I looked over them by the way. Not bad. Have you started on the actual curriculum?”

“I’ve just got some initial notes. Have you begun yours?”

Gojo nods and pulls a notebook out of his bag. There are pages and notes sticking out the sides, densely packed with his messy handwriting and drawings. He carelessly flips it open and flicks quickly through the pages before turning it towards you.

“There’s some patches I haven’t fully detailed yet, still thinking about what depth to go into.”

You scan the page quickly and see that he’s seemingly outlined different streams of depth for physics- he’s listed particular concepts and already linked some with experiment setups. 

“Which principle is driving your decisions so far? We’ll have to explain each of the objectives and why we’ve chosen the material for the curricula.”

Gojo explains his outline and points out the most critical pieces he wanted included. You listen, intrigued. Although your outline for this project isn’t as developed as Gojo’s yet, your years at the Eikaiwa school have given you experience, including mistakes trying to move too fast or pack too much into your lesson plans. You’ve found it’s best to be somewhat agile and allow for more or less time depending on the particular needs of the class you’re working with.  

Your computer sits forgotten as the two of you converse about best pacing and how to choose the key objectives, and you leave the cafe in the afternoon ready to continue building your own curricula. 

The rest of the week goes smoothly: class and reviewing with Saito and Kuzume, another lesson at the Eikaiwa school, until you find yourself settling down at the cafe on Sunday once more. 

When Gojo doesn’t reach out first, it’s nearly impossible to schedule time to work together. You’re never more thankful for your iron timetable than when you have to plan another working session. Trying to find free time in his schedule is like clinging onto a mechanical bull- it seems every other week he’s out of town busy. You wonder if he is speaking at a conference or presenting work that he’s done in the past like Saito and Kuzume had suggested. 

The chapter you’re reading is lengthy and technical. Your brows scrunch and you try to decipher exactly what the author is trying to say about teaching philosophy. This particular text is a bit flowery for your tastes, but you suppose it’s good to absorb an array of perspectives while you’re trying to figure out exactly how you’re going to run your classroom.

You’re re-reading the previous sentence when your phone buzzes aggressively from the table. It goes off again. You have an idea of who might be texting before you even look at the messages. Gojo is available to work on the project today, and he'll head to the cafe shortly. 

It’s a pleasant surprise. You shut the curriculum textbook and open the document the two of you have slowly built. Even though Gojo prefers pen and paper over typing, he’s dutifully added his examples and the curricula he’d shown you last time. The rough draft has really grown too, the example problems are artfully woven together between the subjects and you’re feeling optimistic about adding your curricula .

Gojo blows through the doors of the cafe nearly 20 minutes later, giving you a quick wave and heading straight for the register. You nod back to him and return your focus to the computer.

He swoops into the chair across from you and throws his bag down. The last few times you’ve met his mood seems to be impenetrably sunny, and his appearance is nearly as consistent. You’ve never seen him without dark sunglasses, and his clothes are always flattering and tailored. It seems he may be thawing with the warm weather though- he’s in a crisp blue button down instead of his normal shadowy color palette. 

“How’re things going?”

“Going well so far, I’ve just been going over what we’ve written so far.” You pause for a moment. “I honestly wasn’t expecting you’d be able to work today.”

Two meetings in as many weeks without prior planning seems incredibly lucky. Or Gojo’s finally warmed up to you and isn’t trying to avoid meeting with excuses. 

He shrugs. “No other plans. And I do want to get this done.”

“I wanted to talk more about the curricula. I finished my objectives and thought we could compare pacing.” You say. 

“Sure.”

“I’ve taught in Eikaiwa schools for years now and classes usually go the same speed, but sometimes certain units take longer. Or we focus more on what the students want to learn. I wish there was more flexibility.”

“I agree. Honestly it should depend more on how the class is doing. You can’t teach every student the same.”

This is the first time Gojo’s outright agreed with something you’ve said. While you’ve seen some parallels in the way you both want to teach, there are usually more differences than similarities. 

The pieces come together in your brain. The simple example problems he’d provided. Saying that community makes the classroom. It’s not the material that he cares so much for, it’s the people that he’s teaching. It’s about the students.

You look up at Gojo in realization. He’s taken out his stack of notes and is absorbed in looking through the sheets. You take him in and re-evaluate. He runs a hand through his hair again then taps the end of the pen on the table. The sun catches in his silver hair and plays off the sunglasses he’s wearing again.

It feels oddly intimate to realize. 

His apparent teaching philosophy also seems directly opposed to the way he acts in class. If he's passionate about building an educational community, why doesn't he bother talking to any of your peers? Or participating in classroom discussions?

"Yeah," you say slowly. "I think approaching each learning style is the most valuable." 

You don’t want to disturb the working relationship the two of you are just building, and you’re hesitant to voice your realization since he’s been cagey about his personal life. You could either drop the subject or push a little harder and see if he’ll be more open this time. 

“You seem very passionate about the students’ experience,” you say neutrally. 

Gojo’s attention snaps from his notes onto you. You were right.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Once again, you’re left wondering what’s going on inside his head. Aside from the speed he looked at you, there’s no hint on his face. His jaw is soft and relaxed, and you can’t see his eyes.

“I think we need to start working on bringing our curricula together. It’s a big part of the project.” Gojo leans forward and looks at your screen and completely bypasses your observation. 

When you’re both looking at the content, the two of you do work well together. You fall into a rhythm analyzing the content of the paper, deciding how to really organize the sections you’ve written so far. Gojo is inquisitive and always has you justify your decisions, but you push back on some of his assertions on how to meld the subjects together. 

Soon you and Gojo are trading questions, hardly answering each other as you both edit the document.  

“What’s the purpose of this example?”

“I see why you put this objective here, but I think it would fit better in the next section.”

“Do you remember if this study was subject specific? Or were the data points generalized?”

“This objective doesn’t fit with your others. How can you adjust it to work better with the full curriculum?”

“What was your thought process for this problem?” 

The paper looks ten times more organized, and you’re much happier with the flow of information by the time you’re finished. You lean back in your chair, rub the cramps from your fingers, and smile at Gojo. 

By the time you leave the cafe, it’s late afternoon and it feels like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. The rainy season has only brought light showers, and today the sun is bright on your face as you walk back to your dorm. In fact, it seems a shame to waste the lovely weather of the day.

As a treat to yourself, you detour through the botanic gardens on your way home. The gardens are lush and heavy with growth at this time of year. Light twinkles on the surface of the central lake and the hydrangeas and orchids have come into full bloom- their light scent floats above the grounds and adds another layer of richness to the experience. By the time you make it back to your room and think about dinner, you’re practically glowing with happiness. 

[rad-rat-with-a-tophat]

*ALARM SIREN NOISES* THIS IS FOR BOTH DAY 3 AND DAY 5 OF @lovely-blue-galaxy’s 2023 RICHJAKE WEEK. THE PROMPTS WERE SECRETS AND LOCKER

Jenna Rolan liked to pride herself on knowing things. Since she’d moved to Middleborough in 7th grade, she’d figured out everything there could be to figure out. For example, she knew that Chloe Valentine’s first kiss was with a senior when she was 15. She knew that Mr Reye’s had an ex-wife who played in the West End production of Heathers. Hell, she even knew that Chloe and Jake Dillinger hadn’t actually kissed in 8th grade, they just lied about it so people would think they were cool! So yeah, Jenna Rolans knew everything. 

And how might she know everything? Well, just a handy little thing called listening. She was the middle child of a family with 7 kids, she had learned that if you’re a little friendly to someone and say the things they want to hear, then they’ll tell you every piece of gossip they’ve ever fucking heard. Even the popular kids told her everything. Especially them, the popular kids had the most secrets that could ruin their high school careers. And sure, they might not have actually been Jenna’s friends, but they treated her like she was their best friend since kindergarten.

Who cares if all Jenna wanted was actual friends? Having people want her for her information was enough, right? 

Jenna’s feelings were currently inconsequential at the moment, Jenna was on a fucking case. The case? Rich Goranksi and Jake Dillinger’s relationship

Why? They were just best friends, right?

Wrong. Something was UP. 

Rich had joined the popular kids in early October of sophomore year. It was currently early June of sophomore year. Now why was this peculiar? Because all of the popular kids had known each other since the beginning of middle school (excluding Jenna). Now not only did Rich join the popular kids,  but he joined the inner circle. So how did a brand-new kid immediately become best friends with the most popular kid in school, Jake Dillinger?

Therein lies the first piece of evidence. Rich wasn’t new, not at all. In fact, he’d lived in Middleborough his entire life. Except that no one, sans Jenna, ever noticed him. Now this wasn't hard for Jenna to understand. Rich had talents sure, won the 6th-grade Writing Competition, had the best grades in English out of the entire goddamn high school, and not only that but he qualified for State Choir as a freshman.

But how did no one know him if he was this accomplished? The answer was simple, he was a stereotypical loser. He wore all black, never talked to anyone, was 5’1 in 9th grade, only grew 2 inches in the next year, had glasses and a lisp, and was probably gay. Usually, the gay thing would be a benefit popularity-wise (the novelty of queer in the school.) but Rich was a literature nerd who liked dnd, so the whole “probably queer” thing docked popularity points for him.

So how did a scrawny choir kid manage to charm the one and only Jake Dillinger?

Easy, Jake was gay. 

What? How? Jenna explain! Please!

Unbeknownst to literally everyone, Jenna herself was queer, and she had had her own unrequited crush on a straight girl. So when she had a class with both Rich and Jake in 9th grade, it wasn’t very hard to notice that Rich would gaze at Jake when he thought no one was watching and vice versa.

For example, take this interaction from March of last year.

————-

It was Friday and the last period of the day and Jenna did not want to be in class. They had a sub so they were just doing spare worksheets. Well, the overachievers and nerds were doing worksheets while Jenna and the rest of the class were on their phones.

Jenna looked around the room, trying to see if anyone was talking about something she could talk about. Jake was in front of her, but he was working on homework and he rarely knew anything interesting.

Behind her was Dustin, he was talking to Viktor and Jace who were next to him. Sadly, it was about NFL rankings and not gossip.

The seat to her right was empty and the person to her left was Christine, who was too nice to say anything bad about anyone to Jenna. 

Shit, there was literally no one to talk to.

“Ah fuck,” Jake said.

Jenna whipped her head from her phone, this could mean anything. Jake could’ve a text from and that meant Jenna had someone to talk to.

But looking at Jake, he didn’t have his phone, he just broke his pencil. Booooring.

Before Jenna could go back to endlessly scrolling on Instagram, the kid to the right of Jake handed him a pencil and whispered something Jenna couldn’t hear.

Starved for any real conversation material, Jenna tried to discreetly watch the interaction. She watched as Jake took the pencil, eyes a little wide.

And, wait, what?

Jake’s hand accidentally brushed the kid’s hand and then both of them blushed?!

Oh, Jenna could- wait no.

Jenna paused, she knew the kid, his name was Rich and she was pretty sure only she knew he existed. She also knew Jake, one might even call them friends. Jake was the perfect student, smart, charming, athletic, and hot. People knowing about what just happened would ruin him.

Jenna couldn’t risk that, Jake was the one who was able to convince Chloe to let her sit with them. If he was gone, so we’re the closest things Jenna had to friends.

So Jenna never fucking told anyone.

————

Jenna was aware that this barely counted as evidence.

But then two weeks later, Jake blew off a date with Chloe.

Now, Jenna was not, and is not, a stalker. She wouldn’t stoop that low.

But Jenna did have a younger brother, and he wanted to go to the park.

And who did she see? Jake and Rich, at the neighboroughing skate park.

Of course, this could always just be guys being friends.

Flash forward to the current day though. Jenna was walking from Mrs Burbank’s classroom after making up a test. When she turned sixteen last week, her one present was her family’s shitty old Volkswagen, that was from 2001.

Jenna parked by the gym today and was calmly walking by the boy’s lockers, when she heard voices. Not just any voices though, Jake and Rich’s.

Since Rich had joined the popular kids, he quickly became well-known throughout the school. He was the angrier, shorter, and louder version of Jake, somehow managing to maintain perfect grades without ever trying. (Side note, in 8th grade, Jenna saw Rich write a 5 page essay for extra credit in English. Not that he needed it, according to their teacher he had a 100 in the goddamn class. She did ask Rich’s 9th grade Math teacher about his grades and turns out, he had 78 on his report card, so how did he have a 97 now?!)

Rationally, Jenna knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop but she had had her suspicions about Jake and Rich’s relationship since that fateful day in freshman year.

Jenna dropped her backpack on the ground, careful to make sure none of the handcrafted keychains made a sound, and sneaked to the entryway to the locker room.

Jake and Rich were talking quietly, so Jenna could only make out a few words.

“Sorry… hiding… coward… Chloe…”

Their conversation started growing in volume and from what Jenna could make out, it was something about… Chloe finding they were in a relationship?

Before the argument became loud enough for Jenna to hear full sentences, there was a thud of something  hitting a locker,

and. Oh… OH. Yeah that was Jenna’s cue to leave.

As Jenna walked to her shitty car, she considered what she heard. The last time Jenna decided not to say anything, it was to save her own skin.

But Jenna knew this sorry excuse for a school. Literally everyone was homophobic, especially Rich. And Chloe? Chloe would die before anyone got their hands on Jake.

As Jenna shut the door to her care and pulled up Chloe’s contact on her phone, she texted,

guess what I heard????? dustin k cheated on his gf w/ madeleine!!!!!!!!

(Final note, he actually side cheat on his gf)

[chulasword14-blog]

Dearest Juan

Author's note:

his book contains a very sensitive topic: domestic physical violence. This topic may be triggering for some individuals. Read at your own discretion.

Worldwide, 1 in 3 Women have experienced physical and or sexual violence by an intimate partner.

Worldwide, 1 in 4 Men will have experienced physical domestic violence by an intimate partner.

This book is dedicated to anyone who has been a victim of domestic violence. You are not alone.

If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out and get help by calling. The National Domestic Violence Hotline. Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish, and 200+ through interpretation service.

800-799-7233

                                                                Chapter 1

                                                                              Valentina age 11

It started with a letter.

"Okay, class, quiet down," Mrs. Flores said sweetly. "I have some exciting news for everyone.

"Oh, what is it?" Lori, the teacher's pet, chimed in, and my best friend Ximena and I rolled our eyes at her. "Mrs. Flores, Valentina, and Ximena are rolling their eyes at me.

"Enough of that, Valentina and Ximena. Is that how we act in class?" Mrs. Flores asks.

"No," we both say. We look over at Lori, and she’s gloating.

"And, Lori, you need to work on tattling on everyone." Mrs. Flores admonishes her, and the class ohs and awwwws. "Calm down, everyone. Are we ready to hear the news?" The whole class quiets down. "As you know, my twin sister Camila is a sixth-grade teacher too. She teaches in a school in East Los Angeles. We thought how fun it would be for us to have our classes get to know each other."

"Are we going on a field trip to L.A.?" Ximena asks.

"I wish," Mrs Flores laughs. "Our classes will get to know each other by becoming pen-pals. We will assign everyone to another student. You and the other student will write letters back and forth and get to know each other. Open your folder, and you will find the name of your new pen pals."

There is a flash of excitement when we open our daily work folders. A purple envelope with my name is on top of my reading log. I tear open the envelope and find my pen pal's name and a folded paper. I look at the name on it: Juan Cruz Montoya. Wait, I got a boy?

"Mrs. Flores, I got a boy," I say. She comes over to me.

"Yes, I know. We hand picked everyone’s pen pals. I hope you are okay with that?"

"I was mistaken, but I" ll be his friend," I say with a smile. I'm low-key excited that I get to write to a boy. He doesn't know me or what I look like. I have always been self-conscious that I have boobies already, and I'm a little chubby. I open the folded paper and see it's a worksheet we did at the beginning of the year with all our favorite things. Only his worksheet is clearly in his handwriting; I noticed a small picture attached. He’s cute, like real cute. "Mrs. Flores, do they know what we look like?"

"Yes, I asked your parents at the beginning of the year if this activity was okay, and they said yes. They provided us with a photograph to include with your favorite things." My heart fell into my stomach. Great he is gonna make fun of me. "Read your pen pal's list, Valentina."

"Okay," I say, sulking. I start reading about Juan's favorite things.

Favorite Food: Pizza

Least favorite food: Meatloaf

Favorite Movie: Don't laugh, but I love A Goofy Movie.

Favorite Color: Black and red

Favorite Candy: Anything Sour or spicy

Favorite Song: Too many to name; I love Spanish music, Rap, Rock, and oldies

Favorite Snack food: Takis

Who would it be if you could talk to anyone, alive or dead?: My dad, he ain't dead I just never met him.

I smile at his responses but get sad at the last answer. I know my Papi is strict with us, but I wouldn't know what I would do without him. It must be hard not to have your dad in your life. I look at the bottom of the sheet, and it says turn me over with an arrow pointing. I turn it over.

Hi Valentina,

My name is Juan, and I'm happy to be your pen pal. We have almost the same answers, well, except you not liking pizza. I have so many questions, like why it's the best thing ever invented. You must not have the right kind of pizza or something. The fact that you like the Fast and the Furious movies is pretty dope too. I like that you want to meet Selena. She was super talented and was pretty. Valentina, you're pretty too. I thought you ought to know in case no one has told you that. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have five three sisters and two brothers. I'm the youngest. I hope you get to know you better! I will be happy to receive a letter back.

Your new friend,

Juan

My face is blazing red. I have read and re-read the letter to make sure I read that right that Juan said I was pretty. I had a face-splitting grin on my face. I pull out a sheet of light pink binder paper that I reserve for notes with my besties.

Hi Juan,

Let me start with why I dislike pizza with a passion. Like you, I am one of six siblings, the only girl, and the baby of the bunch. My brother's would always want pizza when my Papa would take us out for lunch after Church on Sundays. This one time, my brother Alessandro ate so much pizza that he threw up in the car. It came out of his nose, and it was disgusting, and it smelled horrible. Since then, I have refused to eat it. I love the Goofy movie, too I love Max and Roxanne. They are so cute. Selena was an amazing singer. My Papa wanted to name me Selena, but they picked Valentina since I was born on Valentine's Day. I'm sorry that you never met your dad before. That must suck. Thank you for saying I was pretty. You're pretty cute too. Okay, enough rambling from me. I better stop before I embarrass myself.

Your friend,

Valentina

  The weeks passed, and I got a letter every week; sometimes, I would get two in one. I wrote them back just as fast. We had a lot in common, and one day he asked me for my phone number, and I gave it to him. I was sitting in the living room, and our house phone rang. I wasn't allowed a cell phone yet. My Mama answered it.

"Bueno?" Mama answers. "Who is this?" She asks in her accent. “Valentina ¿Quién es Juan?” Oh, you're her friend from school? Bueno, Valentina, the phone is for you. I'm going to church not too long on the phone."

"Okay, mama," I say and kiss her cheek. I can feel my pulse in my ears. A boy has never called me before. I take a deep breath before I put the phone to my ear. "Juan?"

"Hi Valentina, how are you? He says. I like his voice; it's nice. "Are you busy? Can you talk?"

"Hi Juan, I'm doing good, and yes, I can talk. What are you up to?"

"I'm drawing something for my art class. I'm drawing a snow owl with chalk."

"That's cool. Are you a good artist?"

"I think I'm okay. I can send you something if you want."

"I'd love to see your artwork."

"I will send you something tomorrow."

"I'm excited to see your artwork," I say.

We talked on the phone for three hours. We laughed and shared things that we had never shared with anyone. He told me one of his Tias from his dad's side reached out to him recently and told him that his dad wanted to meet him. His Mama told Juan that she would think about it. He told her it wasn't fair because his other siblings always see their dad, and he is always left out. We realized the time when I heard my parent's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh, my God, we have been on the phone for three hours! My parents are back from Church."

"Wow, that's a long time. I lost track of time because you're so easy to talk to. Can I call you again tomorrow?"

"I'd like that," I say with a smile.

"Good night Valentina, until tomorrow." He says.

"Good night Juan." I hang the phone up, run to my bedroom, and turn on the TV. Papa comes into my bedroom. "Hi, Papi," I say with a smile. "How was your prayer meeting?"

"Good, Mija. I want to talk to you about something." He says as he sits at the edge of my bed.

"What do you want to talk about? I ask.

"Mommy says that a boy called you tonight. You're too young for Novios, Valentina.”  He says and I’m mortified.

“Papi! He’s my friend—no mas somos amigos. I don’t have any boyfriends.”

“Okay, I’m just telling you I don’t like that you have boys calling you. I’m going to trust you not to do anything silly.”

“Aye, Papi. He doesn’t like me anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Papi, look at me. Estoy gordita.”

“Mija, you are the most beautiful thing God has ever made.”

“Pa, you have to say that you're my Papi,” I say, hitting his arm. He smiles and kisses my forehead.

“I have never lied to you. Why would I start now, mi Amor? A la cama mi vida. Go to sleep now.”

I lie in bed, think about our phone call, and smile. I think I have a total crush on someone I have never met.

My first crush, but will it crush me?

                                                            Chapter 2

                                                            Valentina age 18

There is a knock at the door, and a delivery man stands there struggling with a massive arrangement of blood-red roses and balloons.

“Hi, I have a delivery for Valentina Castro.” He says.

“That’s me,” I say, taking the vase of flowers and putting them on the end table. I go back and grab the balloons. I grab my purse, take out some cash, and hand it to the guy. He thanks me and leaves. I grab the card off the roses. What it says gets me emotional.

My Dearest Roxanne (Valentina),

Happy Birthday and Valentine's Day, My Love. I thank God every day that he put you into my life. Even though we haven’t met in person, I know I love you, and you make me a better person! In a few more weeks and we will be together. I can’t wait1. I’m counting down the days.

Love you,

Yours forever,

 Max ( Juan)

I grab my phone, and through tears, I hit the Facetime button, and it only rings once, and his face fills the screen.

“Those better be happy tears,” he says with a laugh.

“They are. Thank you so much, babe.” I say, giggling. I take the roses into my room and place them on the dresser with all the drawings Juan has sent me over the years. I love all of them, but my favorite is of Max and Roxanne from The Goofy Movie, but instead of their names on the bottom, it says Juan loves Valentina. He has called me his Roxanne since we were in the sixth grade. I have called him my Max since that time too. We still write letters every week and call each other every night. He was introduced to his father as a freshman, and his dad got him a job at the mechanic's place he owned, and he is learning how to fix cars which he loves. I see he is wearing the shop's shirt. “Did you just get back from work?”

“Yeah, I have been working extra hours to take more time off when I visit you in the Bay Area.”

“I can’t wait,” I say with a huge grin. “My dad said you can stay with us as long as you attend church,” I say, and he laughs.

“I know. He called me and gave me the third degree about what my intentions were with you.”

“No, he did not!” I say, completely embarrassed.

“He did, Love, but I get it. He wants to protect his daughter.”

“Can it be next week already?” I laugh.

“I know. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms, finally.”

“I can’t wait for that too. Juan, what about other things?” I say, and my voice is so quiet.

“What other things?”

“Stop it, you know what I’m talking about,” I say, and he awards me with his dimpled smile reserved for me.

“Yeah, I mean, I want to make love to you. If you’re not ready, I get it.”

“I want to; You have more experience than I do,” I say, and he looks down. We only became exclusive in the last year. He has had sex with a few girls, but I can’t hold that against him. We were not together, and we live almost seven hours away from each other. “Don’t feel bad. I know how you get.”

“You know that I’ll always be yours.”

“I know that, and I’ll always be yours.”

“What are you doing for your birthday?”

“I’m going out to lunch with Ximena and Lori in a few minutes,” I say with a smile.

“It’s funny how you and Lori hated each other, and now you are each others best friends.”

“Yeah, after her Mama died in eighth grade, Ximena and I were the only ones that went to her house to see how she was doing. We have been ride or dies since then.” I say with a smile. I can tell how exhausted he is. “My love, go to bed. I know you’re tired.”

“I wanted to stay on the phone until you had to leave but I’m so drained. Happy Birthday love.”

“Did you check your mailbox?”

“Not yet, should I? He asks, and I nod. He smiles at me, and my heart flutters. “What the fuck? Baby, you didn’t need to.”

“It’s Valentine's Day, and I wanted to get you something special.” He opens the box and smiles wide when he picks up the stuffed Max and Roxanne. He pulls out another smaller bag, the gift I know he will love. I would love to wear this red and black checkered button-up shirt when we were younger because Juan had one identical to me. He pulls out the bag and he looks directly at me.

“Is this what I think it is?” he says, holding a custom teddy bear made out of the shirt I wore all those years ago. I nod and smile. “It smells so good.”

“I sprayed it with my perfume and wore the shirt a few more times. Do you like it?”

“No, I don’t like it.” He says, and my heart falls. “I love it, babe.” His smile is large, and it makes my heart stammer. “Besame.”

“I’m so glad you love it,” I say and kiss him. He does the same.

“I can’t wait to  do that for reals.” He says and yawns. “Have a nice time with your friends.”

“Go to bed,  babe,” I say with a smile.

“Text me when you get home so I know you got back safe.” He says, and he hangs up. There is a knock at the door, and I open it and smile at my besties holding gift bags.

“Guys, I said no gifts,” I say,  hugging each of them.

“Pendeja, you know we don’t listen,” Ximena laughs. “Open them up!”

“No, girl, not here. Just in case.” Lori giggles.

“In case what?” I say, getting nervous they’re capable of anything.

“Nevermind, let’s go in your room.” Ximena nearly drags me down the hall into my bedroom. “Shiiiittt, those flowers are gorgeous. I’m so jealous. I want someone to send me flowers. Girl or guy, I ain’t picky at this point.” We plop on my bed in fits of giggles. “Open your gifts.”

I open the gifts, and I hear the front door open. Ximena and Lori grab the gift bags and throw them on the side of the bed when my bedroom door opens. I look at them in shock and wonder what the fuck is in the gift bags. It’s my Mama and Papa.

“Feliz Cumple Años, Mi Vida,” Papi says, kissing me on my head.

“Felicidades, Amorcito,” Mama says getting emotional. She always gets emotional on our birthdays. She kisses my cheek over and over again, making me laugh. “Hola, niñas”

“Hola, Hermana Luna y Pastor Martin” Ximena and Lori say.  My Papi has been their Pastor since they were young. He smiles and nods at them.

“Mija, we have a gift for you before you go out for lunch,” Papi says. “Come and follow me.” We all follow him out of the room and head out of the house. He turns and looks at me. “Catch,” I put my hands out and catch a set of keys on a cute keychain. I look up and see a red Honda in the driveway.

“No way!”I scream and run and hug both of my parents.

“All the money you gave us from your after-school job at the kid's program, I saved it to get you this car,” Mami says.

“Maaaaa, that money was to help pay a few bills.”

“No, Mija, you’re starting college, and I don’t want you waiting at night for a bus. It’s dangerous.”

“Gracias, Mami y Papi. Los amo.”

“Go with your friends, Mija, and have a good time. We will have dinner and a cake tonight with all the family. We need to go back to the Church to finish up some work.” Papi says as they walk away to the Church less than a block away. We wait until we can’t see them again and run into the house.

We go into my room, and they hand me the gift bags again and open them slowly. I’m surprised to find sexy lingerie and edible underwear. My cheeks are burning red, and I look at them, and they laugh.

“So about lunch, we are going to eat, but we are going to the health center on campus so you can get a birth control shot,” Ximena says.

“What? Why?” I say with a stutter.

“You plan on having sex with Juan, no?” Lori says.

“I, yes, I want to have sex with him,” I say, feeling my face burn.

“Don’t get embarrassed, mujer, it’s natural, but if you get pregnant by Juan, your papi will shit a brick and never let you out again. This way, you’re protecting yourself from getting pregnant anyway.”

“That’s a good idea,” I say. “Don’t you need an appointment?”

“Yes, we took care of that for you,” Lori grins.

We went to the health clinic, and I got a shot in my butt because I didn’t want Mama to see the bandaid on my arm and start asking questions. Which she totally would do. We went to lunch at our favorite sushi place, and we chatted. And we gossiped the whole time.

“Vale’ have you and Juan had phone sex? Lori asked. My face gets red, and I look down. “Is that blushing a yes?”

“No, but I have seen him and have always been too shy.” I laugh.

“You better get over that shyness if you are gonna have sex with him. You need to be naked bitch.” Ximena cackles.

“Fuck off, Ximena. I know that,” I laugh. “Let’s go.”

I drop off the girls at their respective houses, head back to my own, and find all my brothers already there. Alessandro, Angel, Antonio, and Adan. They get up and hug me and start trying to annoy me. Alessandro and Angel are married, and they each have two children. Alessandro had two boys, and Angel had two girls. They were terrors, but I loved those babies. My sisters-in-law were helping Mama make Chile’ Rellenos.

The food was out of this world, and we had a fantastic time. I got a bunch of jewelry from my siblings. They bug the shit out of me, but they spoil me. I love them even when they annoy me. They keep saying they will fuck with Juan when he gets here. I hope they don’t, but deep in my gut, I know they will, but it will be good fun.

                                                                             *****

Today is the day that Juan is coming to visit. He is taking a Greyhound bus, and it will take him ten hours to get here due to all the stops the bus makes. Juan has a car, but the car won’t make it. I clean the room where he will stay and rearrange things multiple times. I want everything to be perfect for him. 

“Mija, it looks perfect already. Stop stressing out.” Papi laughs.

“Paaaaaa,” I whine. “I still need to make sure there is no dust,” I say as I get a text, look at my phone, and smile.

My Max Juan: Hey babe, my dad is dropping me off at the bus station in a few minutes. My bus should arrive around nine tonight. I ‘m so excited.

Me: Yay, I can’t wait to see you! I’ll take you out to eat tonight—our first date.

My Max Juan: No, I’m taking you out. I’m paying for everything. I have to go.

Me: Be safe. I will be at the bus station at nine.

At eight-thirty, I head to the bus station, and my heart pounds hard. I’m nervous and excited for this moment. I sit in my car and listen to music, and I try to control my anxiety. Half an hour later, a bus pulls up, and I’m so happy when I see it. It says LA bus four on the front, so I know this would be his bus. I get out of the car and see everyone exiting the bus. I don’t see him yet, but many people are on the bus. The driver leaves and closes the door, and I don’t see Juan. I go up to the bus driver and tap his arm.

“Excuse me, but I was waiting for my boyfriend, is he still on the bus?” I ask.

“No, sorry, everyone that was on my bus got off. He may have missed the bus. There should be another bus coming in two to three hours.”

“Thank you,” I say, taking out my phone. I push Juan’s contact, and it goes directly to voicemail. “Juan, did you miss the bus? Please call me as soon as you can.” I send him a text.

Me: Juan, did you miss your bus? Please let me know if you’re okay.

I sit in my car and turn it on to turn on the radio. I continuously look at my phone, and my message hasn’t been read. I fall asleep, and when I wake up, I realize it has been three hours, and a bus has pulled up. I again watch all the people exit the bus, and still no Juan. I called him again, but it said, “We are sorry your phone call cannot be connected. Please check the number and dial again.” I do and get the same message. I text him, but it comes back undelivered. It’s at this point that I start to sob. I’m so stupid to think that a guy like Juan would like me. I feel like I got played.

He broke my fucking heart.

                                                                        Chapter 3

                                                                        Juan

I grab my backpack and enter the living room to find my mom watching her Novels. I know good and well not to interrupt until a  commercial. I decide to go and make sandwiches for the bus ride. Once I finish in the kitchen, I see a commercial. I kiss the top of her head, and she looks up, smiles at me, and stands up.

“Are you leaving now?” She asks.

“Yes,” I say with a smile. I hug her tightly. I decided I wouldn’t return to Los Angeles but didn’t want to tell her. She wouldn’t care anyway. She didn’t raise me, my abuela did, and since my Abuela died, I have no one here for me. My brothers and sisters don’t give a shit about me. I have Valentina, and that’s all I need. “I wanted to say goodbye before I left.”

“Bye, Johnny-Boy. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t think with your dick and get that girl pregnant.” She says, pushing me out of the way of the TV,

“Are being serious right now,” I say with a scowl.

“Shhh, my show is back on,” she says.

“Dude, whatever. I’m out.” I slam the front door, jump into my car, and head to my dad’s mechanics shop. “Dad, you ready?”

“Give me five minutes. Fabian is coming with us. He’s going on the bus to Tijuana. He is looking for his passport. Give your bags to Cisco, and he will put them in the trunk.”

“Okay,” I say. I hand my backpack and my suitcase to Cisco, his shop assistant. Fabian walks in, showing his passport. Fabian is my half-brother, and I only met him last month. I lift my chin to him in a hello.

“What’s up, bro,” Fabian smiles. “Damn, you gonna take a ten-hour bus ride just to fuck a girl. Damn, she better be worth it.”

“Fuck you, man,” I say, getting mad.

“Hey, calm the fuck down, both of you. Get in the fucking car now.” Dad says, laughing. I text Valentina on the way to the bus station, letting her know I’m going to the Greyhound Station.

Once we arrive, Cisco hands me all my stuff, and I walk into the Station. Fabian stays outside talking to Dad. I don’t need to stick around with them. I go to the ticket window and show them my online ticket, and they print me an actual ticket. I sit on one bench and eat a sandwich while waiting for the bus. I notice police and their drug-sniffing German shepherds looking around; This is pretty normal for airport and bus terminals, so I think nothing of it. Until one of the dogs sits right next to my suitcase. I look up at the cop, and he pats the dog on the head.

“Good job, Tilly,” he says. “Can I search your bags?”  I have nothing to hide, so I nod. “You need to tell me yes, kid, verbally.”

“Yeah, you can look in my bags. But you're wasting your time.” I say, and he opens my bag.

“You sure about that?” He asks as he turns around. All the color drains from my face because he is holding a brick of cocaine in his hands.

“What the fuck? That’s not mine!” I yell.

“Put your hands behind your back. You’re under arrest for being in possession of a narcotic with an intention to sell..” The cops says. He tells me rights as he puts the handcuff on me. Everyone is staring at me, and I’m humiliated. What the fuck who’s is that shit. Who would do this to me? Out of the corner of my eye, I see Fabian, and he’s laughing. No fucking way he did this. Then I see my dad. He hugs him and looks over, and he saluts me with his fingers against his temple. Hell no, my dad was behind this shit. I’m full of hatred.

“Fuck you!” I yell. He laughs at me.

“Shut up, kid, and keep walking.” The cop yells.

“I’m not talking to you.” I snarl. He pushes me forward, and I get into his cop car. This is not fucking happening right now. Shit Valentina! Okay, I’m sure they will listen if I tell them it’s not mine.

He drives me to the county jail and takes me to booking. I get fingerprinted and get my mug shot taken. This is so surreal because I have never been in trouble in my life. On the other hand, my brothers have been in and out of jail. I get stripped and searched, and I’m so humiliated, and I’m so fucking scared. They take my clothes, shoes, and cell phone, and I’m given jail-issued clothing and slippers.

“Am I going to speak to someone like a lawyer?” I ask.

“Not today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day.”

“Do I get a phone call?”

“Yeah, but just one.”

“I need my cellphone. I don’t have any numbers memorized.”

“No, not my problem. Do you want to make your call?”

“Yeah,” I say. He puts in a code.

“I thought you didn’t know anyone's number,” he laughs.

“I know one,” I say and dial the number. The phone rings, telling you have a collect call from an inmate. Inmate, state your name. “Johnny-boy.” They agree to take the call.

“How did I know you would be like your brothers.” My mom says, “My stories are on; hurry up and tell me what you did.”

“Ma, I didn’t do it. I swear I didn’t do it. Can you please call the jail and find out my bail?”

“Why?” she asks

“So you can bail me out.”

“No, you need to stay there. If you didn’t do it, stay there, and they will let you come out.” She says.

“Mom, please. I didn’t do it.” I say, almost in tears. The call disconnects.

                                                            ******

I still haven’t heard from any lawyers two weeks later. I got into a fight on my first night there because someone tried to touch me sexually, and I busted his nose. I got put in solitary; today was the first day they let me out. I look like shit, and I have lost weight because the food is complete shit. They take me to a room with an older man sitting at a round table. He looks like one of the seedy lawyers you see on TV in the middle of the night. He motions me to sit down, and I notice a pile of clothes beside him.

“Sit down, kid. We got court in one hour.”

“An hour! This is the first time that anyone has spoken to me.” I say

“I only found out about you yesterday. I have no idea what happened. So tell me what happened.”

“I was fucking framed, is what happened. They put the drugs in my bag.”

“Who is they?” He asks, but he already knows that I won’t say. I’m no rat, but I don’t want to be here. “You have no record, so that is a good sign. I heard you got into a fight the first night you were here. Why?” I sit there and say nothing. He knows without me saying. He knows exactly what happened, and I’ll never speak of it. It was humiliating. “It was self-defense?”

“Yes, sir. What’s going to happen?”

“I’m hoping they will give you probation since it’s your first time getting into trouble.”

“What about the fight? Can they use that against me?”

“I hope not, but let's keep our fingers crossed. Today we find out everything, your sentencing if there is one, or if you are free to leave.”

“Shit, I want to get the fuck out of here,” I say as he hands me the clothing.

“Go into that door. There is a shower and stuff to shave in this paper bag.” I nod and head into the room.

Once I’m alone in the shower, all my defenses go down, and I cry. I sobbing so hard that I’m shaking. I finish showering and take deep breaths to get my emotions in check. I rub the palms of my hands into my eyes. I come out dressed, and the guard puts me in shackles and leads me to a bus to the courthouse. The sun is hurting my eyes because of not seeing daylight for nearly two weeks. Once we enter the court, they put me in a room, and I have to wait until my turn. I keep praying under my breath that I get to go home today. They call my name, and I head into the court with my lawyer, whose name I find out is Marshall.

Everything is a blur, and I sit in the seat in shock and feel the court officer grab my arm to stand me up. I look at Marshall, and I’m fighting my emotions. I can’t show emotions not here. I need to act tough. They put me back into the holding room to speak to Marshall. Once I see Marshall, I let the tears fall down my face.

“Four years!” I yell. “They gave me four fucking years. I thought you said that I was going to get probation?”

“They used the fight against you,” Marshall says. “Do your time, and it will be over fast.”

“It’s four years! Prison, not jail!” I say, filled with anger and fear. The door opens, and an officer is there with shackles.

“Montoya, stand up.” He says in a loud voice. I stand, and he puts me in the shackles. “We are transporting you to Pelican Bay State Prison.” All I do is nod.

I get on a bus with other inmates, and I’m given a brown bag lunch. The drive was rough and long, and some guy puked, and they wouldn’t pull over for him to get sick, so we had to drive in the stench. I slept most of the way and felt safe because everyone was shackled to their seats.

We finally arrive, and I’m sick to my stomach in worry. I’m afraid that what happened the first night in County Jail will happen again. I get out, and there is a man with a clipboard, and we are told to say our name and inmate number. I get out of the bus and stand in front of the man.

“Montoya, 10140613,”

“Montoya, Juan, Cruz.” Unit 6, cell 24,” he yells. Someone comes and gets me and takes me to intake. I have to do another strip search, medical checks. I’m given all-white prison-issue clothing and blue slip-on shoes. I’m given a small bag with toiletries. They put on bracelets that have all my information on them. As they put on the bracelets, I ask a question.

“Where can I get paper to write a letter?” I ask.

“Normally, you have to buy paper at the commissary. You won’t have any money on your books, seeing that you just got here.”

“How do I get money on my books?”

“Your family puts money on your books, or you can see if they have a job available. “

I’m taken to my cell, and as I walk up, I see him, the guy who attacked me when I first arrived at the jail. I feel like I’m going to puke any second. He still has a white strip of tape across his nose, and his eyes are still blackened. He narrows his eyes at me and grins, and this grin gives me chills.

“Watch your back, bitch,” he spits.

“Get to your cell, Martinez. Keep fucking walking.” The guard yells. “Montoya, this is your cellmate, Padilla.” I looked over, and it was the guy walking with Martinez. He’s short, dark skin, and has the reddest hair ever. He raises his chin in hello.

“Joe Padilla, but everyone calls me Chucky,” He puts a handout. I take his offered hand and shake it.

“Juan, or Johnny boy,” I say as I walk into the cell.

For the next few hours, Chucky gives me the lowdown on the ins and outs of the Prison—the rules. He tells me to watch myself with Martinez. He says they call him Psycho for a reason. They are from the same neighborhood and are childhood friends; that’s just great. Now I really have to watch my back. I see a huge tattoed man walking through, and he stops at all the cells. I notice he is not wearing prison attire; he’s in a button-up Ben Davis shirt. On the back, it says Los Reyes Azteca M.C.C.

“Who is that?” I ask Chucky.

“That’s one of the counselors they assign to us.”

“Is he a prisoner too?”

“Nah, he works for the Prison. I hear he’s cool, though.”

“Is he your counselor?”

“Nah, that’s my counselor over there,” he points out. I see a bumbling guy walking through and doing the same thing the bigger guy did. “ I call him Sheldon because he looks like the guy from the show with all the nerds.” I laugh—my first genuine laugh.

“He does look like him,” I say as the big guy approaches our cell.

“Montoya?” he asks.

“That’s me,” I say.

“I’m Dominick Sanchez. You can call me Dom. I’ll be your counselor while you’re here. Take a walk with me.”

I step out of the cell, and we walk over to his office, and I sit and chat with him, and it’s as if I  have known him my whole life. He tells me that he teaches mechanics and motorcycle maintenance. I ask him about his shirt and its meaning, and he tells me he is a motorcycle club leader. I tell him I’m nervous about Psycho being in the same Prison. He said he would introduce me to some of the guys he counseled.

I’m uneasy, but if I have Dom on my side, I can get through this. The person I need on my side is Valentina.

I hope she waits for me.

                                                                        Chapter 4

                                                                        Valentina

                                                                     Six Months Later

I lay in bed, stared at the cottage cheese ceiling, and cried. Every day I cry. For the first three weeks of Juan not showing up, I called every day until I got this number is not in service message. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and devastated. How could I ever think he could be into a girl like me? I heard it all the time from my Tias. ‘Vale has such a pretty face image how beautiful she would look if she lost weight.’ Well, I lost a ton of weight in the last six months and I still feel like shit. I threw myself into my studies, but my depression has gotten the better of me. My phone rings, and it’s Lori. I usually send the call to voice mail, but today I decided to end my pity party.

“Hello,” I say in a small voice.

“Fucking. Finally, you answer me!” She yells, annoyed.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, and my voice cracks. “It’s just been so hard. I was wrong, I fooled myself into thinking we had something special.”

“Ximena and I are coming over right now. We’ll stop and get some food. What do you want to eat?”

“Chicken wings, the good ones,”

“You got it!”

An hour later, my besties and I are sprawled in the living room watching Pretty in Pink and eating our chicken wings which are to die for. My friends are shocked about how much weight I have lost.

“How much weight did you lose?” Ximena asked.

“About forty pounds. My depression took me out,” I say. “I’m going to try to do better. I need to be better. I got played, and that’s that.”

“Let me go beat his ass!” Lori says, and I snort out a laugh.

“You deserve so much better!” Ximena shouts.

“Yeah, she does,” Alessandro says, holding up something. He hands it to me. “I’m not going to Mama and Papa about this, but think about what you’re doing.” He leaves the house without another word.

“What are you talking about, Sandro?” I say, looking at what he has handed me. I turn it over, and I gasp. “Holy shit! It’s from Juan. He’s in Prison!”

“What, the actual fuck? Why for what?” Ximena yells.

“I have no clue,” I say, shaking.

“Open the fucking letter genius,” Lori shrieks, making us laugh. I tear open the envelope and pull out the contents and poloriod picture.

My Roxanne,

I’m so sorry. The day I was supposed to get on the bus, I was at the bus station, and drugs were planted in my suitcase, and I was arrested. I always meant to go to you. I would never stand you up. I was going to you, baby. I promise I was on my way to you with all that I am. I have thought of you every single day since I got arrested. I was going to see you and never leave. I was going to find a job and live there with you. My entire life has been fucked up since I was born, and when I met you all those years ago, you gave me a reason to be happy. The first night I was arrested, something fucked up happened to me, causing me to get into a huge fight. When we went to court, they used it against me and sentenced me to four years.

You are my only saving grace. I’m trying to do good for us to get to you. I have a counselor who has saved my life here. He has taken me under his wing and is like the father I never had. It took me so long to write you because I had no money on my books. My mother wouldn’t put any money on my books. I’m trying to stay safe and out of trouble, but there is this guy here that every time he sees me, he slams into my shoulder or pushes me. I leave him alone, but he seems to look for me to fuck with me. I would love for you to write me back, and I would love to hear your voice, my love. If you want me to call you, get a phone card and add the code to your phone so I can contact you. When you write, please give me your number so I can call you. I miss you so fucking much, and I love you so damn much it hurts. Please send me pictures of you so I can put them up in my cell. I hope you forgive me for leaving you. Please tell me that you’ll wait for. I have been reading and working out a lot; there is not much to do here.

I love you forever,

Your Max

I sit there in utter shock and tears. He didn’t ghost me on purpose, and he truly loves me. My heart is hammering in my chest. I look at the other papers in the envelope; it’s a drawing from Juan and a stunning photo of us drawn in pencil. The picture was one of him in all white, wearing sunglasses. He isn’t smiling, but he looks so handsome. The other was a half sheet of a song he dedicated to me; We Belong Together by Richie Valens. I’m in tears and almost forget that my friends are there.

“Wow, that was beautiful. That’s completely fucked up. Who would do that to him? Do you believe him?” Ximena asks.

“Yes, I do believe him. I have an idea, but I hope I’m wrong.”

“Who?” They both yell out.

“His dad. He hasn’t been in his life that long and seemed like he used him.”

“What do you mean he used him?” Lori asks

“He has other siblings on his dad’s side, and it was obvious that he put the other kids before him. I was facetiming Juan once, and he took all the kids to a nice steakhouse except Juan. Which was fucked up because he busted his ass to get his approval. I hope to God that I’m wrong about this.”

“Wow, I hope that you’re wrong, Vale. What are you going to do?” Ximena asks.

“Well, I’m going to write him back,” I say.

“What if you get in trouble?” Lori asks. “Alessandro is such a snitch.”

“I will have to intercept the mail first. Today was a total fluke. I’m the one who gets the mail every day.”

“Okay, we will leave so you can write your man. We should go out this weekend to San Francisco.” Ximena says, giving me a big hug. I nod. I need a day out with my girls.

“Call us later, Boo,” Lori hugs me too,

Once they leave, I run into my room and lock the door. I sit there and cry, but this time it’s happy tears that Juan didn’t ghost me, but they’re also sad because of what he’s going through. I look at the letter and see his information on the envelope. I look up the Prison online and read up on it. It’s the most dangerous in California, making me sick. I find out how to put money on his books and send him one hundred dollars. He didn’t ask me to. I did this because I wanted to. I pull out my stationary with roses he bought me a few years ago.

My Max,

I don’t even know where to start. I have been in such a state of depression for the last six months. I thought you played me, and I was so devastated. There were days I didn’t get out of bed, and my parents were so worried that they took me to the doctor. I was put on anti-depressants. My heart started beating again once I got your letter and felt alive. I have missed you terribly. You hold my heart in your hands, and I will wait for you, baby.

I have been in college, and I’m doing well in my studies, and I decided that I want to be a teacher. I work as a tutor after school, and it works out perfectly because I can make my schedule. So far, I have two students: a fourth grader helping with reading and her brother, a senior whom I'm helping with his English essays. I put money on your books. If you need anything, please let me know. I will go today and get a phone card from the store. This is my number 510-555-2122 can’t wait to hear your voice again. I will also send you some pictures of me. You looked so handsome in your photo, but I wish you would smile. You have a beautiful smile. I love you so much!

Love you,

Your Roxanne

I kissed the letter and ran and put it in the mailbox at the corner of our house,

My heart is soaring, and I’m excited for the first time in six months.

                                                               Chapter 5

                                                                   Juan

I got to the commissary to see if I had enough to buy a razor because I looked like a mess. I get to the window and look at all the snacks and markers I can’t afford. This sucks, and I hate it here.

“How much do I have on my books, Montoya 10140613,”  he looks at the computer screen and writes down on paper. I see $110, and my eyes widen in the amount. “Is this right?” he nods. “Wow, okay, let me get a razor, a Snickers, and those markers,” I say, pointing at the good markers. I take my stuff, and I’m still in shock. I get back to my cell and put my things in a lock box.

“Someone put money on your books?” Chucky asks.

“Yeah, but I don’t know who.”

“Maybe your mama?”

“Nah, she would never. Maybe one of my brothers.” I say. I shave and get ready to go to the autobody shop to work with Dom.

“I heard they may let Psycho out of here in the next five months,” he says. I’m happy to hear I won’t ever have to see him again. My friend from the group that Dom introduced me to was at my cell door.

“You ready for work Johnny-Boy?” He asks.

“What’s up, Vampiro? Yeah, let’s go,” I say, clapping hands with him. His name is Freddy, but he is so pale that they call him Vampiro. Later Chucky.” We go down the walkway and see one of the guards approaching the stairs.

“Mail call,” he yells, and I look back just as he’s at my cell, and he hands something to Chucky. He heads back into the cell. He doesn’t look at me, making me sad. I wrote to Valentina a few weeks ago and haven’t heard from her yet.

We get to the Autobody garage, and we change into coveralls. Dom comes up to me, and we clap hands. He motions for me to walk with him, and I follow him. He looks at me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“What’s up, jefe?” I ask.

“Listen, you know I care about you, right?”

“Yeah, I know; what’s up?”

“Because Mario got released, there was an opening in my mechanic class.”

“So, what’s that got to do with me?”

“Psycho took it.” He says.

“Aww, shit.”

“Listen, everyone has a right to be here in the class. Everyone deserves a right for a seat at the table. Let’s show him grace; if he acts a fool, his ass is out. Point blank.”

“Okay, fine.”

“I already talked to him. He’ll be cool. He’s here. Martinez, come here.” He says he walks over. “This is Johnny-Boy, and he will show you the ropes.” Psycho looks at me and smiles. It’s creepy as fuck smile. He claps my hand with his.

“No hard feels carnal,” Psycho says. I nod.

I spend the rest of the work day showing Psycho around the shop. He asks questions which I answer. He is hands-on with some of the repairs. I stand off to the side and let him do it. Once he’s done, he comes over to me.

“Hey, where are you from?” he asks, drinking water.

“Inland Empire and you?”

“San Bernardino. You got family waiting for you?”

“Nah, not family, but I got my girl. How about you?”

“Nah, I’m starting to talk to my family, so we’ll see.”

Once the day is done, I head to the canteen for dinner. They say it’s chicken, but it looks a bit gray for my liking. I take a deep breath and shovel it into my mouth. I hurry up to return to my cell to eat my candy bar. I have been thinking about that damn chocolate bar all damn day long. I walk into the cell, and Chucky lies in his bunk reading a book. He points at my bunk and looks at it. There is an envelope on my pillow, and my heart races. I run and grab it. He laughs at my enthusiasm. I look at the letter and see it’s from Valentina and my eyes water.

“Is that why you have been moping around here for the last week?” he chuckles. I flip him off, and he laughs. “The letters come to us open so they can examine all the contents. I didn’t open it.”

“ I know,” I say with a laugh.   I take out the contents, see Valentina’s face, and feel a brick in my throat. “Damn, she's beautiful.”

“Can I see what she looks like?” Chucky asks. I hand him the picture. He whistles low, “Damn, lucky pendejo. She’s fine as fuck.”

“Calmate, Güey,” I laugh.

“I’m gonna go play dominos with Psycho. I’ll give you privacy so you can read your letter and rub one out,” he laughs and runs out. Chucky is crazy as fuck. He is always saying crazy shit to make me laugh.

I sit on the edge of my bunk and start to read, with tears falling down my face. Valentina’s depression I caused that. I feel sad but so happy when she says she’ll wait for me. I see her phone number, and my heart is beating so hard. I leap off the bunk and run out of the cell towards the pay phone. I dial and redial because, in my excitement, I hit the wrong numbers. Finally, I get it right, and I’m asked to record my name. The call is accepted, and I’m shaking.

“Baby?” She cries into the phone. It rips my heart out but gives me a reason to do good.

“Hi, my love,”

                                                             ********

                                                            Sixth months later

Since I’m good at drawing, many guys asked me if I could tattoo them, and one guy made me a tattoo gun which I had to hide well because I could get in trouble for having it. No one would say who was tattooing them. Before I tattooed anyone, I practiced on myself. The first thing I tattoed on myself was Valentina's name on my forearm. I have tattooed Chucky and even Psycho. He and I are cool, but I wouldn’t say we were friends or anything close to it. He will get out soon, which is good for everyone. I would call Valentina every morning and night. She wanted to come and visit, and I would love to see her, but I didn’t want to see her behind a glass wall and not be able to touch her. 

“Babe, I want to see you,” she would cry.

“I don’t want you to see me like this baby and not be able to touch you. That would be torture.” I say. A message let us know that our call will be disconnected soon. “I love you. Let me figure something out.”

“I love you. What are you figuring out? She asks just as the call gets disconnected. I head back into my room and see Chucky writing something near my table.

“What are you doing?” I noticed that he jumped a little. “Are you going through my stuff?”

“Nah, bro, I was using your pencil to write an idea for a poem for my ol’ lady.” He stutters. I narrow my eyes at him. “I swear on my daughter.”

“Alright. Hey, Chucky, you still got that phone?”

“Yup, it’s in the wall, and I just charged it” He says when he moves one of the drawings I did of his daughter. He pulls out from a hole in the wall. “You need to use it?”

“Yeah, can you Facetime on it?”

“Yup, here. Let me be the lookout.” Chucky stands at the cell door and lights up a cigarette. I call Valentina, and thankfully she answers.

“Juan, oh my god, what are you doing? You’re going to get in trouble.” She says, worried.

“Do you want me to hang up?” I tease.

“No, don’t I just want to see your face,” she smiles. I tease her even more and take off my shirt. “Baby, you look so good. You buffed up with all kinds of muscles.”

“All I do lately is workout and work on cars, and that is work out by itself. Do you like what you see?” I ask. I hear Chucky groan and laugh. I flip him off and laugh.

“God, yes, wait, is there someone with you?” she asks, her face pinking up.

“Yeah, my celly Chucky is my lookout,” I say. Chucky runs over quickly and waves at Valentina.

“Hi, Valentina,” he laughs. “If he hangs up, that means someone was coming.”

“Hi, Chucky.” She says shyly. Chucky goes back to the door.

“Damn, baby, you look so beautiful,” I whisper. “You go me fucking hard as fuck,”

“Baby, he’s gonna hear you! She whispers.

“No, he put on his headphones. He’s listening to loud music. You can say no, but do you want to see it?” I see if Chucky is looking, and his back is to me. She nods fast, and her face is red. I take my dick out and show her. “You see what you do to me? I take myself in my hand and rub up and down. Her eyes widen, and I  see want in her eyes. “I love you,” I say as I moan out my release into a tissue. “Damn, my love, I love you.”

“I love you so much,” she says.

“Trucha,” Chucky warns me. I disconnect the call quickly and put the phone behind the toilet tank next to the bunk. The guards come up and ask Chucky why he’s outside the cell. “ Johnny-Boy was taking a shit, and I was about to puke.” He laughs. This fucking guy is too much. At least he had my back.

“Thanks, man,” I laugh.

A few days later, I lift weights in the yard, and today is the day that Psycho gets released. Dom makes all of the guys in the mechanic program take a picture with the guy getting released. Dom made me and Psycho squat down in front, and he had us clap hands. Something has always been off with that pendejo, but I played nice because of Dom. I was lifting a two-hundred-and-fifty-pound barbell when I saw Psycho and Chucky approaching, and I didn’t think anything of it. As I was about to push the barbell up, Psycho pushed it onto my chest and throat, causing me trouble breathing. I struggled to push it back up. Panic went through me as Psycho bent down ear level.

“I’m gonna fuck you up. When I see you on the streets, you're dead. I’ll fuck shit up.” He released the bell, and I sat up and gasped for air. I look at Chucky and he was being held back by one of Psycho’s so called friends. He runs over to me and he looks shocked.

“He could have killed you just then.” Chucky pants. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.” I don’t recognize my own voice its so raspy.

“What the fuck are you going to do?”

“Nothing. He’s leaving here anyway.”

“You want to Facetime Valentina?”

“That would be great,” I say, getting up slowly.

I could be having a shit day, and she brings the sunshine back into my life.

                                                            Chapter 6

                                                            Valentina

                                                              One year later

 I get a letter a week from Juan, and I get so happy when I do. He calls me twice daily and sometimes Facetime me with Chucky’s phone. My parents found out he was in Prison, and shit hit the fan, but my Papi let me continue writing to him. Lori thinks it’s romantic that I’m waiting for him, but Ximena thinks I’m crazy because many guys want to date me. But they are not Juan. I threw myself into my schoolwork and have one more year to go. I have been volunteering at a local school to get practicum hours. So it’s been hard to connect with Juan, and I know it saddens him.

“I get it, babe,” he said on Facetime last night. “I’m proud of you! I miss you, is all.”

“I know you are proud of me. I wish you were here with me.”

“I know, I fucked up. I know this,” he says, irritated. He has never raised his voice at me. “I’m sorry, babe. I wish more than anything that I was there with you. I’m going to get going. I’m not in a good space right now.”

“Baby,” I start. He disconnects the call. I know his mental health has taken a toll from Prison for nearly two years. It breaks my heart. There is nothing I can do. I will wait for his phone call tomorrow.

                                                            *********

Juan is still in his head three weeks later, but we haven’t fought. I can tell it’s getting to him. We still write letters, and he sends fun drawings that decorate my bedroom walls. He sends me pictures of himself, and I love those. My Papi is getting worried that I’ll waste my time waiting for him and he’ll not know how to integrate back into society. I always fight with them, but they’re stuck in their ways.

We are having a massive event at our Church where are all the missionaries we support come together, and they have Church all week. My Papa is supporting a sister church from Southern California, and the Pastor and his family will be here too. I told Juan that I would only be available to talk to him in the mornings because I would be at Church all day. He said that he would try because he had work. I will speak to him eventually. I know it may be next week, but it will happen.

“Hurry up, Valentina,” Alessandro yells from the living room. “Papi wants us there already. He wants us to meet the Pastor from the other Church.

“Shut up; I’m coming,” I say, looking in the mirror one last time. I’m wearing a floral dress that I love on me. I walk out into the living room. “How do I look?”

“You look nice. Let’s go before Pa has a fit.” He is wearing a navy blue suit.

“I guess you look nice too. You showered today; it must be a special occasion.” I giggle, and he hugs me to him.

We walk to the Church and do the same thing we did as children; we jump over every crack and laugh. We walk into the Church and find Papi passing in the corridor. He looks anxious and then relieved.

“What is wrong with you?” I laugh.

“When I say be here at twelve, I mean to be here at twelve, not one.” he snips.

“Pa, it was her fault,” Alessandro says, pointing at me.

“Snitch,” I whisper. “I had to look nice, Papi. You said for me to look nice,”

“I did, but I didn’t say to take two hours.” Papi laughs, hugging me. “I want to introduce you to someone.”

“Come on ‘Sandro Papi wants to introduce us to someone,” I yell out, and Mama comes out of nowhere and whacks my arm causing me to laugh.

“Don't yell in the church,” She says. “Papi wants to introduce you to someone, not Alessandro.”

“Who?” I ask.

“Go to Papi’s office, and you’ll see.”

I go down the hall towards my Papi’s office and say hi to people on my way. I was raised in this Church, so everyone knows me fairly well. Since we were raised in this Church, we know not to just walk into Papi’s office without knocking. So I knock on the door and wait for him to let me know it’s okay to enter.

“Come in,” Papi says. “Come in, Mija,” The peple in the room stand from their chairs. “Mija, this is Pastor Moreno and his son Marco Antonio. They’ll be here for a few months to learn the ropes from me.”

“Hola, Pastor Moreno,” I shake his hand and kisses my cheek in a hello. This is something totally normal for me. “Hi, Marco Antonio. I’m Valentina.” Marco Antonio takes my hand, and he also kisses my cheek. I can feel my face get warm.

“You can call me Tony. I look forward to getting to know you.” Tony smiles and showcases huge dimples. I notice his blue eyes, and he’s so handsome. I feel so guilty being attracted to him.

“I thought you could show him around and include him in things you do with your friends,”  Papi says. I look at him with wide eyes, and he looks at me with the Papi fuck around and find out look.

“Sure, we are going out tonight for ice cream. Would you like to come?” I ask.

“That would be great.” He says with a smile. As he and his dad walk out, he turns to look at me again. “Hey, Valentina, would it be okay to sit with you during the service?”

“Sure, If you don’t mind sitting with my best friends,” I say, and he nods. Once they leave the room, I look at my Papi. “Are you trying to set me up? I have a boyfriend, Papi,” I practically yell.

“You know how I feel about that, Valentina.”  He yells. “Be friends with Tony, and maybe he may surprise you.”

“I love Juan, Pa. What don’t you get about that?”

“Go into the sanctuary. Church is about to start. We will not talk about this again,” He scolds. I’m fuming. “Fix our face.” I put the fakest smile at him. “Knock it off, Vale’, Andale go.”

I enter the sanctuary and find Ximena and Lori whispering back and forth while staring at someone. I follow their eyes, see who they’re staring at, and laugh. Tony. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles broadly at me. The girls run up to me.

“Who is that?” They whisper at the same time.

“That’s Tony, Pastor Moreno’s son,” I say.

“He is gorgeous,” Ximena laughs.

“Yes, he is,” Lori giggles.

“Well, my Papi is trying to set us up.”

“What? Are you serious? What about Juan?” Lori says without taking a breath.

“Dang girl, breath,” I laugh. “I love Juan, and that’s that. My Papi is mad, but I promised we would hang out, so Tony is coming with us for ice cream.”

“Yay, I want to see what that mouth does to ice cream.”

“Girl shut up. We’re in Church,” I laugh. “You can have him.” The Church band starts to play, and that’s our cue to sit down. I wave Tony over, and he comes and sits beside us. “These are my best friends, Ximena and Lori.” He shakes their hands in hello. The choir leads us in a few songs. My Papi heads up to the pulpit, adjusts his tie, and makes eye contact. That only means one thing, and I want to run and hide. My Papi does this when we have a special guest.

“Mija, ¿Nos bendecirás con una canción? We would love for you to bless us with your Rendition of Hallelujah.” “He says as I stand up. It’s not like I can say no. Alessandro meets me up on the stage with his guitar.

Since I was a little girl, I would close my eyes when I would sing because I thought they wouldn't see me if I closed my eyes. To this day, I still do the same thing. I sing everyone applauds me when I finish singing, and I rush to sit back down. My face is burning red as I return to our pew; Tony stands so I can squeeze past him, and once I sit down, he places his hand on my bare knee and leans into me.

“Your voice is as beautiful as you are, Valentina,” Tony whispers. I like the feeling of his hand on my knee more than I should. I can feel my face redden, and he smiles and winks at me.

“Thank you,” I say shyly.

After the service, we go to the ice cream shop around the corner from the Church. We have a fun time talking and laughing. My friends like him, and he seems to enjoy their crazy banter back and forth. He has funny stories of being a PK (Pastors Kid). He notices me shiver, taking off his suit jacket and putting it over my shoulders. The girls looks at me with shock on their faces. He tells us he rebelled as a teen and got a few tattoos in his rebellion. He rolls up his dress shirt sleeve, and we see the ink,

“A few? That’s a whole fucking sleeve,” Ximena. “Sorry, Tony, I have a dirty mouth. I’m working on it.” He laughs.

“I still have slip ups  too. It’s fine. Yeah, it’s a lot of tattoos, but as long as I keep them covered at Church, my dad is cool about it.”

“I have to get going. I have an early lecture in the morning,” Lori says.

“Yeah, me too,” Ximena chimes in. “Vale’ you coming?” I stand up, and Tony puts his hand on my arm.

“Valentina, could we chat a bit longer? I’ll you walk home.” Tony asks. I know I should say no, but I don’t. I nod, and he grins,  “We can go for coffee next door.” I hug my friends in turn, and Lori whispers in my ear.

“What are you doing? What about Juan?”

“I’m not doing anything. He’s my new friend. That’s it.” I whisper.

We go to the coffee shop, and he finds us a table, pulls out my chair, and I sit. He goes and puts our order in. He comes back, sits across from me, reaches the table, and grabs my hand.

“Thank you for being nice to me,” Tony says.

“Of course, Tony,” I say, squeezing his hand in return. “Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

“People treat you differently when you get led astray. Even more so when you’re the Pastor's kids.”

“I know; we have always been under a microscope, and I hate it sometimes. It’s nice to talk to someone who gets it and is not a sibling.”

“Tell me about yourself?” He says, taking a slow sip of his coffee.

“Not much to tell. I’m almost twenty and studying to be a teacher, which takes up most of my time.”

“What about a boyfriend? Do you have one of those?” he smiles, but it’s a knowing smile. I squint my eyes at him.

“What did my Papi tell you and your dad?” I ask accusingly. He puts his hands up in mock surrender.

“Okay, okay. He said he was worried about you.”

“He doesn’t need to be. So you’re hanging out with me out of pity?”

“No, of course not. When I came to the Church today, he asked me to get to know you. I hadn’t made a decision. That is until I saw how gorgeous you were.” I can feel my face get all warm, and I look down. I feel angry at my Papi, but at the same time, I feel guilty because I liked the attention from Tony.

“We can be friends for sure,” I smile. His smile is bright, and the way my heart flutters makes me mad at myself. 

“I’ll take what I can get.” He says with a wink. “I think I should walk you home.” I nod. “My family is staying on the house property at your Church. It’s really nice.”

“It is. My parents always tell me when I get married, it will be mine.” I laugh.

“That’s cool.” He smiles as we walk down the street.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” I laugh. “This is me. I point to my house. “Thank you for walking me home.”

“Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” He asks, and I nod. He hugs me to him in a goodbye. “Until tomorrow, beautiful.”

I entered the house, and my dad looks at me and smiles. Then, I realize I still have Tony’s suit jacket on. I go into my room without talking to him and plop on my bed. My heart is fighting with my brain. As much as I love Juan, this has me questioning everything. Do I want to wait three years to be kissed, held, and loved on? I know I only met Tony tonight, but this brought up so many things that I had never considered. I love Juan and know the way I feel is normal. This will pass, and Juan and I will get back on track.

                                                                        ******

A week passed in a blur, and I have hung out with Tony almost every day as he is of my co-teachers with Ximena and Lori. We were put with the three- and four-year-olds; it has been fun and messy. Tonight will be the messiest of the all the nights; it’s painting night. After we finish setting up the class, Ximena and Lori want to do a girls' day until Church tonight. Tony was going to go out with Alessandro today. We get to the restaurant for our Sushi and Chisme lunch. I have missed this time with my girls. We get seated and order our food, and my phone rings a Facetime call from Juan and do something I never had. I reject the call.

“Valentina, what are you doing?” Lori asks. “Juan loves you.”

“I know he does,” I say, guilty. “ I love him too. I’m so confused. Let me try to call him back.” I step out of the restaurant and call back. He answers quickly. Seeing his face makes me feel horrible that I did that to him. “Hi baby, I’m sorry I was at lunch with the girls.”

“Damn, I fucking miss your face. I just wanted to tell you that I miss and love you. I need to get to work.”

“I love you so much.” I start to cry.

“Baby, why are you crying?” He asks, touching the screen with his fingers.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so emotional lately,” I say.

“Never apologize for your emotions. I have to get going. I love you.” He blows me a kiss and hangs up. I head back into the restaurant, and the girls eat salads. “The salad looks amazing,” I say, forking salad into my mouth.

“Can I say something to you?” Ximena says.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I ask.

“Don’t get mad. We know that you like Tony.” Ximena says, and I nod, looking down.

“I do, but I don’t want to like him. I love Juan.”

“I get that but think about what you’re doing before you can’t change it.”

“What do you mean?”

“If you like Tony, you need to be honest with Juan. It’s not fair to him.” She says, and I start to cry. My heart is shattered because I don’t know what to do. “Don’t get mad about this, Valentina. I don’t care for Tony; something’s off.”

“He’s a good guy, kind of dorky but good.” I laugh.

“She means he comes off as disingenuous and a try-hard.” Lori chimes in.

“Guys, you act like I’m dating him. I have a crush on Tony. That’s all. I still have Juan, and I love him. I feel guilty for thinking someone else is handsome.”

“You still have eyes. You ain’t dead. Looking is okay. Touching, on the other hand,” Ximena laughs, making me laugh.

Our Church class was insanely fun, but it was like herding cats. The kids got paint on everything but their papers. One of the kids spilled paint on Ximena’s pants right before class was over, so she and Lori left early to clean up. After their parent picked up the last kid, Tony and I started to clean up. We finished cleaning quickly, and I rested on one of the chairs. Tony came up and looked at me, kneeling in front of me, and chuckled.

“You have pink paint on your cheek,” he says, touching my cheek. The touch of his hand made me flush red. He pushed my hair behind my ear, leaned in closely, and his lips met mine. I could have pulled away, but I didn’t.

My whole life imploded. Nothing makes sense anymore, and I feel horrible that I don’t feel horrible. In the last week, this boy has swept me off my feet. Everything I thought I knew just went flying out the window.

It was only a kiss.

                                                            Chapter 7

                                                                 Juan

                                                            Six months later

Dearest Juan,

 This has to be the hardest letter I have ever had to write. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, but before I do, I want you to know that you have changed my life, and I am so grateful for you. Man, this is harder than I thought. I met someone, and I’m getting married this weekend. I’m so so sorry. You will forever have a piece of my heart. Please forgive me.

Your friend forever,

Valentina

I sit on the edge of my bunk, shaking as I grip this fucking letter. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I’m through all the emotions, hatred, anger, depression. Right now, extreme outrage is at the top of the list. I get up, head for the payphone, and dial Valentina because I deserve answers from her. I get that this number has been disconnected or is no longer in service bullshit. I redialed and got the same thing. Fucking Bitch! She said she would never hurt me, and this is exactly what she fucking did. I return to the cell and push past Chucky hitting his shoulder with my own.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Ese?” he says, pissed. I throw the letter at his feet, and he bends down to pick it up. His eyes widen when he reads it. “Fuck that, Puta, Bro, just finish your time and get the degree you're working on. Do you, brother, do you,” He says.

“A degree I can’t fucking use. I’m a felon, bro; no one is trying to hire a felon. I’m gonna talk to Dom.” I say. “Thanks, Carnal.”

I walk to Dom’s office, and he waves me in, and I  put the letter on his desk. He gets up to close his office, and the guard stops him.

“Hey, give us some privacy. This one is good.” Dom says as he closes the door. I love that he gives no fucks. He comes back and sits back down, and looks at the letter. “Fuck, mijo, I’m sorry about this. You’ll meet someone else.”

“How the fuck am I going to meet someone else? I’m in prison.” I yell. He puts his hand up to have me calm down. “Sorry, Dom, but this fucking sucks. She was my whole world, and I stupidly thought she would wait for me.”

“She was your first love, and she’ll always be that. It’s going to take time to move on. You will, though.” He said, and I wanted desperately to believe him. “I have some news for you.”

“What?” I asked.

“There is overcrowding, and the counselors were asked to give them names of prisoners we think could benefit from early release. I gave them your name.”

“What? Wow, why couldn’t this be six months ago? Dom, I have nothing and nowhere to go.”

“Take a breath. There is something else as well. Do you know someone by the name of Sarai Lopez?”

Sarai, yes, we used to fuck around before I got serious with Valentina. Why?”

“She was killed in a car accident after she got drunk and decided to drive.”

���Aww, that sucks.” I say/ “Why are you telling me this.”

“She had a two-year-old daughter, and all her medical records list you as her father.”

“What!” I can feel all the color drain from my face. “Where is the baby?”

“She is in the foster care system and safe, Juan. We need an expedited blood test.” He says, and I nod.

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Zoe. Let's go to the medics; they already know we are coming for a blood draw; hopefully, we will have the results by the morning.”

“Okay, what if she is mine? I’m in prison; I can’t take care of her from in here,”

“Did you not hear me? You’re going home,” he whispers. “You have to go in front of the panel tomorrow, and you will be out of here by noon.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” I laugh. “if I get out, where will we live?”

“Stop with the fucking questions. I got you taken care of. You’re like a son to me, and I got you.”

After I get my blood drawn, I return to my cell, stay there the rest of the day, and think. I can’t worry about Valentina anymore. I may have a daughter that will need me. I brainstormed how I would provide for her. I will be there for her. I will show her the love my parents never showed me. I go to sleep, toss, and turn because I worry if Zoe is safe in her foster home. You hear so many horror stories about foster homes. I look at the alarm clock at six-thirty and get up and sit at my desk. I take down all Valentina’s pictures and letters and throw them in a metal trash can, light a match, and burn them. I throw in a cup of water to put the flame out once they are ruined enough. I see Dom walking down the hall and approaching the cell door. He knocks lightly, and I lift my chin to him in hello.

“It’s a girl. Congratulations, Papa.” He smiles. He hands me a bag of clothes. “Get ready for the panel meeting.” He gives me an envelope. “You have an hour to get ready.”

I sit on the bed and open the envelope that he gave me. There are two photos of the most beautiful baby girl. She is grinning, showcasing her tiny teeth and dimples. She has Sarai’s light brown hair and green eyes, but everything else is me. My Dark skin, same nose, and eye shape. She is definitely my daughter.

I get dressed and head to the panel room with Dom and I wonder why he is coming with me, but I don’t ask. I sat down when I asked to.

“Juan Cruz Montoya, we have been reviewing your file and are quite impressed with your progress while here.” The clerk says with a smile.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” I say.

“We will release you today, effective immediately. Do you have a safe place to stay?” My heart goes into my stomach. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a hand raise. It’s Dom.” “Yes, Mr. Sanchez?”

“I have a few rentals on our land in Napa, and he will work in my shop,” Dom says.

“Okay, Mr. Montoya, you’re free to go.”

“Thank you,” I say.  A bag of my belongings is handed to me. My phone and clothing that I know will not fit me anymore. “Dom, do I get to say bye to the guys?”

“Do you want to go back in there?” He laughs.

“Fuck, no.” I laugh.

“They already know that you got released if you didn’t come back.”

We drove four hours to Napa, and once we pulled into the massive driveway. I see a shop that says Los Reyes Azteca. A bunch of guys are working on motorcycles and cars. This is pretty cool, and it’s surreal that I’m outside, breathing fresh air. We drive further in, and I see different duplexes scattered all over the land, all so nice. We arrive at a huge Spanish-style home, and man, it’s beautiful, like something out of a movie. An attractive middle-aged woman comes out holding a screaming baby. It takes me a second to realize that it’s Zoe that she is holding.

“I don’t understand?” I say to Dom.

“When we found out that Zoe was in foster care, we called everyone we knew in the system, and since we used to be foster parents and had our licenses still valid, they let us take her in. I couldn’t let her be without family. Mijo, you and Zoe are our family and always will be.”

“Thanks, Dom,” I say and hug him. We get out of the car, and she has a set of lungs on her.

“She has been crying and screaming for her Mama all day.” The woman says.

“Poor baby,” Dom says. “Mijo, this is my wife, Ariana.”

“Thank you, Ariana, for taking care of Zoe,” I say and notice a cast on Zoe’s arm and a few scratches on her face. “Oh my god, was she in the car with her mom?”

“Yes, she was. She is lucky to be alive. The car flipped multiple times.” She says over Zoe’s screams, and it breaks my heart. “Honey, look, this is your Papi. Remember I said Papi was coming.” Zoe immediately stopped screaming. She looked at me and put her arms out to me. I ran over to her, grabbed her into my arms, and hugged her. She snuggled into my chest and hiccuped over and over until she was silent.

“She fell asleep,” I say in awe of this tiny little girl in my arms. I kissed the top of her head. “I will give you the whole world, mijita. I’ll make you proud of me.”

Juan, don’t fuck this up.

                                                            Chapter 8

                                                                  Valentina

Tony and I have been married for a year, and the first few months were good until it wasn’t. I was shocked at what transpired, and felt like an out-of-body experience. And I can’t believe I have become this person. I don’t know who I am anymore.

                                                               8 Months Earlier

Summer break is almost over. Tony and I have been falling into married life. Our fathers married us, which was memorable for both of us. My besties were my matrons of honor; yes, they both were. I could choose between the two of them. They prepped me for my wedding night and gave me tips and pointers, which went out the window when it happened.  I had romanticized it in my head that he would make love to me and be gentle for the first time. He kissed me more aggressively than ever, and I chalked that up to him being excited and horny. When it came to sex, he didn’t make love to me he fucked me.

I wasn’t prepared for the pain, which took my breath away. He was rough, and it hurt, but I knew that it would. I had nothing to compare it to, so what do I know? He finished, rolled off of me, and passed out next to me.  I lay there for hours, confused about what happened.  I thought because it was the first time, he got too excited. The next morning, he woke me up by kissing me, and I  thought, Okay, this time will be different, but it wasn’t.  We got out of bed to start our day, and as I made breakfast, he sat at the kitchen table looking at me.

“Damn, I love fucking my wife,” he said with a grin. “Come here, baby,” I went over, and he sat me on his lap and kissed my neck. “Are you excited for a drive down the coast?”

“Yes, I’m super excited to see the beaches,” I say. “What time are we leaving? I need to check my school class schedule. School starts in a month, and it’s my last semester.”

“Baby, we need to talk,” Tony says. I look him in the face. “I want you to be a housewife, like your mama and mine.”

“Tony, I don’t want that. I want to educate children.”

“It was just a thought. I want you all to myself. Let’s go.”

We went on our honeymoon a drive down the coast, and we stayed at amazing hotels along the way, and the sex was still the same: Rough.  When we came home, I told my Mama what Tony asked me about not attending school anymore. She is so old school, and I don’t know why I asked her for her opinion.

“Mija, he is your husband. He is the head of your home, and if he wants you to do something, you should.”

“Mommy, I worked hard for this.”

“Pues, you want your marriage to be successful. Yes?”

“Of course I do. But I can do both things,”

“Go home and make dinner for your marido, mija,” She said, and I rolled my eyes.

I walk back to our house, change into shorts and a tank top, make dinner, and make homemade tortillas. He comes in from work and kisses me. He washes his hands, sits at the table, and I put his plate on the table. I start to serve my plate, and he clears his throat.

“Give me a beer,” he says. I put my plate down on the table and grab his beer. I sit down and start to eat. “Mas tortillas.” He does this a few more times. When I get to my food, it's already cold, and he is finished.

“Baby, Ximena and Lori wanted me to get ice cream after dinner,” I say. He nods, leaning back in his chair and taking a swig out of his beer bottle.

“Okay, I need to go fix the AC at the Church. Change your clothes before you leave.”  He gets up, kisses me, and leaves the house again.

I start to wash the dishes and lose track of time because I hear a car horn outside. Shit Ximena. I grab my purse and run out the door. I’m so excited to hang out with my girls. I mean, I love my husband, but I miss my girls.

“How’s married life?” Lori asks as she licks her chocolate ice cream cone.

“Good, I’m learning to live with someone and sleep in the same bed as him.”

“Speaking of bed, how’s the bed activities?” Ximena laughs.

“He likes it rough, like really rough.”

“Wow, I was not expecting you to say that. Do you like it? Are you still on birth control?” Ximena asks.

“I don’t know. I wish it were more romantic, not so frantic. I never went back to get the shot, but we use condoms. Tony doesn’t like the idea of me on birth control.”

“Be careful, girl, you may still get pregnant. I think you should say something about what you want sexually.  Maybe he doesn’t know.” Ximena says.

“No, bitch he has to know. He just wants to get off.” Lori says. She looks at her watch. “Shit, I need to get home. I have  an early appointment tomorrow.” We walk out of the ice cream shop and walk towards the car. I see Tony’s truck, and our eyes meet.  His eyes look lethal as he looks me up and down.

“Hey, ladies.” He says.

“Hey, Tony.” They both say.

“Baby, you ready to go?” he asks.  I nod. Look at the girls and hug them.

“I’ll see you later,” I say to them. I get in the truck and look over at him; he is gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Are you okay?” He pulls into an empty alleyway, and he pulls over.  I look at him, and he turns to me quickly. He takes one of his hands and squeezes my face so hard that it hurts me.

“I told you to change your fucking clothes, did I not!” he screams in my face. I’m shocked at his reaction.

“I totally forgot. It’s not such a big deal. They’re not that short.” I say, and I’m so surprised at what Tony does next. He backhands me across the face.

“You’re talking back to me now bitch,” He yells, and I start to shake and cry in fear. It’s like I’m looking at a whole different person. My lip is split, and my eye is stinging so badly. I run my tongue against my teeth to make sure none are broken. Then, he looks at me like a switch is flipped again. “Shit, my love, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” I keep looking at him as I hold the truck door handle. “Please let me drive you home.” I look straight ahead, and he drives us back to our home. Once he pulls into the driveway, I jump out and run down the block to my parent's house.  I run into the house, and my Mama sits watching novels and having coffee. She stuns me with what comes out of her mouth.

“Aye, Mija, what did you do?” She says.

“Ma, what do you mean what I did? Where is my Papi?”

“He isn’t here. He is visiting another church, and he’ll be back next week. Do not tell him about this. Mija, go back to Tony and work out whatever you need to. This is between the two of you, no one else.”

“So, what you’re telling me that you are okay with him hitting me, your daughter?” I cry.

“Mija, of course not, but you’re married now and must figure out how to obey your husband. You must be there for him in everything, fulfilling his needs.”

“So, you mean let him hit and fuck me anytime he wants?”

“I will not have that language in my house, Valentina!” She yells. “Go to your husband, Hija. Things will get better.”

“Yeah, okay.” I slam the front door and run home. When I get there, Tony is sitting on the couch drinking out of a bottle of Tequila.

“Did you tell your parents I hit you?” he asks.

“My mama, but she sent me back home,” I say, kicking off my shoes.

“Valentina, come here to me.” Tony waves me over. I reluctantly walk over. He grabs my hands and sits me on his lap. “Mi Amor, I’m so sorry; I will never do that again.” He says, and I look down at my feet. He puts his finger under my chin and kisses me.  He takes me by the hand and takes me to our bedroom, and he fucks me.

The following day, I look at myself in the mirror and sob. I have a fat, split lip, and a black eye. He wants me to make him breakfast burritos for work, so I rush into the kitchen and start cooking. He comes into the kitchen, and he looks at me and smiles, and the smile I once loved I can’t stand.

“I have a few things I want to say to you,” Tony says.

“Okay, what’s up?” I say cautiously.

“First thing, I want you to stop seeing Lori and Ximena. They’re bad influences on you.”

“We have been best friends since forever you can’t ask me to do that. They’re like my sisters.” I cry.

“I don’t give a fuck. I said no, and no is no. Let me find out if you see them behind my back and just wait. The second thing is school starts next month, right?” He asks, and I nod. If you get pregnant before school starts, no school; if you don’t get pregnant, then you can go.” I nod and think that since we use condoms, I could not be pregnant.

Boy, was I wrong. Two weeks later, I stand in my bedroom in tears, holding a positive pregnancy test between my fingers. Everything I have ever worked for has been ripped from me. I can’t even call my friends because he looks at the call list online. He enters the room, looks at the pregnancy test I hold, and smirks.

“I guess that means no school que, no?” he laughs.

“That’s not funny, Tony. I worked hard to get my degree.” I sniffle. “I thought we were being careful using condoms.”

“Condoms?” Tony laughs. “I never used that shit.”

“Tony, you got them from the box and opened the condom,” I say.

“I never put them on.” He laughs.

“You’re an asshole,” I say out of anger.

“I’m a what?” he yells, slapping me across the face. He leaves the house, slamming the front door.

I lay in my bed, and around midnight, I felt the bed dip next to me, and Tony smelled of hard liquor and weed.  He tries to fuck me but he passes out. Thank God for small favors.

I’m living in a nightmare.

                                                                Chapter 9

                                                                    Juan

Chasing after a toddler is more exhausting than working in the shop, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She is my entire world, and I would do anything to keep a smile on her face.  Teething was a complete bitch. She got it bad: the fever, diarrhea, and runny nose. She was miserable and only wanted me, which was hard because I needed to work.  There were days in the beginning when she would cry out for her Mama, and I would cry right along with her.  It happens less and less because she has a lot of people that love her and dote on her and spoil the shit out of her.  She calls Dom and Ariana, Papa and Nana, and they love it. Today is one of the days that she has been a cranky, sassy little girl. The funniest and weirdest thing is that she still baby babbles but can be understood.

“Mija, please eat your eggies,” I plead with her.

“No!” she shouts.  “I no wike it.”

“What do you mean you don’t like it?” I say, trying not to laugh.

“I Messssican toast,” she says.

“What the fuck is Mexican Toast?” I say to myself.

“Oh, bad dada, Pow Pow. Papa Messssican toast.”

“Papa makes it?” I ask her. I laugh at our conversation and call Dom, “Hey, old man.”

“What’s up Mijo?”

“Your Granddaughter is being extra chiflada today. Super sassy pants. She refuses to eat the eggs I made her, and he is asking for something called Mexican toast.” I say, and Dom bursts out in laughter. He is laughing so hard he can’t catch his breath. “Okayyyy, what is it?”

“French toast, but we ain’t French; we’re Mexican, so Mexican toast.”

“Oh my god!” I laugh. “I’ll be at work as soon as I get this little one to S.C.H.O.O.L.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Once she is there, she loves it but freaks out when I drop her off.”

“See you at work after you drop her off.”

I make her Mexican toast, and she gobbles it up. I change into dark blue jeans and wear a Los Reyes MCC shirt. Dom brought me into the Motorcycle club a month after I got out and got my motorcycle license. I put on my leather jacket, grab Zoe, and get her dressed in her Minnie Mouse dress and leggings underneath. I grab my helmet and a specially made helmet just for Zoe.  I put it on her and placed her in a special harness on my back for toddlers to ride on motorcycles.

“Vroom, Vroom,” She giggles. I drive down the road, turn into the day care parking lot, and hear her over the roar of my bike. “No! Dada.” I turn off my bike, undo the harness, and take her out. She is crying her little eyes out.

“Love, you need to go to school so Daddy can make money for your toys,” I say, and she stops crying and looks at me. That got her.

“Toys?”

“You want toys?” I ask, and she nods quickly.  “Okay, you need to go to school, and Nana will come and pick you up.” I put her down, held her hand, and walked to her classroom. I notice a woman who is always staring at me every day. She is wearing a revealing top, and I noticed she pushes her arms against her tits to make them look bigger.

“Hi, Zoe’s daddy,” she says. “I’m Amelia’s mama, Carolina.”

“Hi, I’m Juan,” I say. I look over and see Zoe hugging a little girl. “Is that Amelia?”

“Yes, that’s my baby. I was asking about you and know you’re a single parent, and I’m a single mom if you wanted to get together for coffee or dinner sometime.” All I can think is, wow, this woman is bold as fuck, but what have I got to lose?

“Sure, I’m down to grab some dinner. When did you want to do this?” I ask.

“Are you free tonight?”

“I think I am. Wait, is it with the kids?”

“I’d like to get together without the kids,” she says, touching my forearm. I know what that meant. I’m a man with needs, but she will never be Valentina. I will always love her, but I hate her at the same time.  I nod in agreement, and she hands me her phone. “ Put in your phone number, and I will text you my address.”

“Thank you. I have a few clients this morning and am working on a few cars this afternoon, but I should be done by six or so.”

“How about eight? To give you enough time to unwind before coming over?” She asks.

“That sounds great,” I say. She kisses me on the cheek, and it takes me by surprise. “See you later, Carolina.”

I get on my motorcycle and feel guilty that I’m excited about a date. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, but I still love Valentina. I’m always so busy during the day with car repairs and tattoo clients that I don’t have time to dwell on Valentina, but when the night comes, and I’m lying in my bed, the sadness and sometimes anger comes.  Before I make it home, I stop at the pharmacy and buy a box of condoms. I drop off my box of condoms in my room, walk over to the tattoo area of the shop, and see my client Roy-Lee. He’s a character, and he moved here from Tennessee. He works in the car shop, but I made time to finish his pin-up tattoo. He sits on my tattooing table as I prep his skin.

“I heard some chisme about you,” he said with this thick southern accent.

“Oh, yeah, what did you hear?” I laugh. “It’s proably a lie.”

“I heard you have a date with Carolina Lopez,” he says.

“What the fuck? How do you know that?”

“Carolina is Stephanie’s good friend, and Caro told her.” He laughed. Stephanie Roy-Lee’s wife has been a godsend who babysits Zoey when Nana Ariana can’t. “Steph said she would watch the kids tonight for y’all.”

“Damn, well, news travels fast. Tell Steph I appreciate it, and I will drop her off at seven-thirty.”

“Hey, I know you’re a grown-ass man, but be safe and bring condoms otherwise, she’ll be ‘hollerin’ instead of swallerin’” he cackles.

“What the fuck does that mean?” I laugh.

“You know, hollerin’ squeezing out of baby from her cooter.”

“Roy-Lee, shut the fuck up, and let’s get this tat finished.” I finished up with Roy-Lee and was cleaning up the area when Mama Ariana walked into my tattoo office. “Hey, Ma,” I say, kissing her cheek.

“Mijo, can I ask you a huge favor?” She asks.

“Anything, Ma, what’s up?”

“I’m meeting with a possible emergent client today, and I was wondering, since your house has three rooms, could they use one of them temporarily?” She asks. Usually, I wouldn’t care, but I need to think of Zoe now and her safety.

“Can I think about it for a little bit?”

“Of course you can, but  Zoe will be completely safe. I can’t tell you anything else, but I promise she will be safe.”

“Okay, if it’s temporary, then I’m okay with it.”

“Thank you, hijo.” She says, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

My workday is over, and I’m wiped the fuck out. I hear tiny feet running up the pathway, laughing all the way. I open the door and see Zoe; her smile makes me so happy. I never knew what I was missing until she came into my life. I already got her diaper bag ready with her pullups and her sippy. She is potty-training and refuses diapers, so she thinks the pull-ups are big girl panties. She is excited to ride in Daddy’s special car, a cherry-red 1964 Mustang.  The first thing I bought and remodeled on my own. We pull up to Roy-Lee and Stephanie’s house, and Zoe gets excited to play with their kids.  I go into the house, and Carolina is already in there, and she is wearing the shortest tank-top mini skirt.

“Hi, handsome,” she says with a smile.

“Hi, you ready to go?” I ask. I’m getting nervous for some strange reason.

“Yes, but we are going to my place because I made you dinner,” she said with a smile.

“Okay, let’s go.” I look at her, smile, and catch Roy-Lee standing in the kitchen, and he winks at me. I narrow my eyes at him and laugh. “Bye Roy-Lee! Zoe, be a good girl. I’ll be back to pick you up.”

“Bye, Papi,” She runs over and kisses me. 

I open the car door for her, look at her from the back window, and notice one big thing: she doesn’t unlock my door. I remember a movie I would watch when I was a kid, and the guy says if a woman doesn’t unlock your door, she’s a selfish broad, and dump her fast.  I take my keys, unlock my door, and get in.  I drive us to her small apartment and she lets us in. I turn around to close the door, and I turn back to face Carolina, and she is completely naked.

“You like what you see? I made dinner for you, but do you want to eat me first?” She says, closing the distance between us. I’m fucking hard as fuck,  but what man wouldn’t be.

She grabs me by the hand and leads me to the sofa. She lies down on her back, and I hover over and kiss her. There is no spark for me, and I can’t do this, but my dick won’t listen. I tell my mind to shut the fuck up. I need this release. So I trail my tongue down her body, and I reach her pussy and lap my tongue over her slit, teasing her, and her hands go straight for my hair, and she pulls on it. I continue doing this until she is screaming.

“Oh, god, oh god,” she chants.  She pulls my shirt over my head, and I unbutton my jeans and take out my cock.  I reach for my wallet, and she grabs my wrist. “I’m on the pill.”

“Nope, I wrap up or nothing at all,” I say. I look at her, and she nods, biting her lip. I take my cock into my hand and roll on the rubber; once it’s in place, I enter her slowly and move in and out of her.  She is so loud, and I feel good that I’m doing that to her, but there is no connection. I grab her tits and realize they’re fake, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I put my hand between us and rub her clit. I want her to come so I can come and get the fuck out of here. She shatters underneath me, and her pussy clamps down my cock, making me come. I pull out of her, kiss her forehead, and put my clothes back on,

“I like fucking you,” she says with a smile. “You ready to eat dinner?” I nod and smile at her as she leaves the room. “I’m gonna get into something comfy.” She leaves the room and comes back in leggings and a tank top. We eat dinner, and it’s a bit awkward because we have nothing in common. “Do you want to fuck again?”

“I think I should go. My daughter has separation anxiety.” I say, getting up from the table.

“Can I at least get a kiss?” She asks. I go over to her and kiss her, and she shoves her tongue into my mouth. “Yummy, baby, you taste good.” She lets go of me, and I kiss her forehead,  “Have good dreams.”

“You too, thanks for dinner,” I say as I leave.

I drive down the road, pull over, and punch the steering wheel. Why the fuck did I do that? I know why, but I don’t want to admit it to myself.

I miss my Roxanne, my Valentina, and it breaks my heart that I have lost her forever.

                                                            Chapter 10

                                                           Valentina

He said the last time was the last. It was a lie. He has put his hands on me any chance he got. He got enraged when I found out I was pregnant with a girl, not a boy.

“You did it wrong, Vale’” he said in front of my doctor, a very nice Indian woman.

“Actually, Daddy, your sperm is  the one that determines the sex of the baby.” She says as she is cleaning the gel off my belly. All I can think is, please, Tony, don’t act stupid. I smiled at the doctor, hoping she wouldn’t say anything. “Everything looks great, and I will leave the ultrasound copy at the front desk to schedule your follow-up for four weeks.” She leaves the room, and he looks at me. I’m smiling at the screen where the image is still of my baby girl,

“What the fuck are you smiling at? I don’t want a daughter. I wanted a son.” He snaps,

“I can’t do anything about that, Tony,” I say, getting nervous. He yanks me off the exam table and grabs my arm tightly. “Let’s grab some lunch and talk about baby names.”

“Lunch, you gained a lot of weight. I don’t think you should be eating, but since you need to feed your daughter, I will let you order a salad.” He says, and I get teary-eyed at him putting down my weight. “Stop your fucking blubbering, and let’s get the fuck out of here.”  I go to the front desk, and he leaves the office and waits outside for me.

“Are you okay?” Monica, the receptionist, asks. I do something that has now become second nature. I. Lie.

“Yes, of course, I’m just so emotional, and seeing our daughter makes it so real,” I say, getting emotional.

“Aww, a baby girl, how sweet. Here is the copy of your ultrasound, and we’ll see you in four weeks.”

                                                                   *********

I look at myself in my floor-length mirror. And I’m in my silk robe, holding my baby bump and smiling down at it. I look at my face and see another black eye, and I cry and caress my baby bump.

“My love, I’m so sorry that I stayed, and you’ll be born into this craziness. Maybe he will change once you're born. I see small glimpses of the man I fell in love with when he feels you move in my belly,” I say to my belly, and my baby girl kicks rapid fire inside of me, making me cry and laugh simultaneously. “Hi, little one.”  I rub my belly and smile until the bedroom door opens, and Tony stands there with beer in his hands.

“Damn, you’re fucking huge. I hope you lose that fucking weight.” He laughs; clearly, he’s buzzed. “Your mom said she will get you in half an hour for the ladies' event at the church. You have too much fucking makeup on you looking a fucking hooker.” He knows exactly why I have to wear this much makeup to cover all my bruises.

I put on my dress and shoes, went into the living room, and waited for Mama. I didn’t want to go because I was exhausted. I hear a car horn sound, and I grab my purse and get into Mama’s car. The ladies event will be held at a community center because they are remodeling our fellowship room at our church.  Tony is leading the remodel with other men from the church. We pull into the community center's driveway, and there are so many cars. I get out of the car and walk slowly with Mama to the main entrance.

“Mija, I think you will have that baby sooner than you think. You look like your pansa has dropped a lot.”

“I’m so tired, Mami. If she comes tomorrow, I’ll be happy.” I laugh.

“You look beautiful, pregnant Mija,” she says. She opens the double doors into the room we will be in. I see a bunch of pink balloons everywhere, and I look at Mama.

“Surprise!” All the ladies shout.  I’m in total shock, looking around at everything—a baby shower for me and baby girl.

“Oh, my goodness!” I say through tears.  I turn and look around at everyone in attendance, and I ugly cry when I see Lori and Ximena, who I haven’t seen in over seven months.  Tony has alienated me from everyone, including my family.  They run over to me and hug me tightly, and I cry when they do this, and I freeze because of my makeup. I hear them both gasp, and I pull away slightly.

“What the fuck, Vale’,” They both say through their teeth.

“It’s not what you think. We were putting together some baby furniture, and I ran right into his elbow when he was hammering something. It was an accident. I promise.”

“Mmmhmm,  is this why haven’t you spoken to us in months?” Lori says.

“Of course not. I’m trying to find my footing in my marriage, and getting pregnant wasn’t in the cards, but it happened. I promise nothing bad is happening.”

“Okay, I believe you, but please don’t lock us out, babe,” Ximena says. “You’re our sister, and we love you. And we love you too, baby.” She says, touching my belly. “Come on, let's get some tacos and celebrate you.”

After touching up my makeup, I go around and chat with all the ladies in attendance. I’m grateful for every one of them. I eat so much because I don’t have anyone commenting about what I’m eating. We play so many fun games, and  I love it. I have laughed so much today, and I haven’t been doing much laughing recently.  I see Mama arranging the gift area with a beautiful rocking chair glider in the middle. I’m led to the glider and sat down, which makes me laugh. My besties are so bossy. They sit near me. One will write down the gifts and who gifted them, and the other will pass the gifts to me. Another chair is placed next to the glider, and I look up to see Tony and Papi walking into the room.  He sees who is sitting next to me, and I see a flair of rage flicker to his eyes and then see when his mask slips into place, and he smiles.

“Buenas tardes a todos,” he says with his fake megawatt smile. “Hola, mi amor,” he says with the fakest voice.

“Hi, my love,” I say. He looks over at Ximena and Lori.

“Ladies,” his voice is friendly, but it’s icy. They smile at him, but their smiles are tight.

“Beso, beso,” Papi yells out. I laugh nervously. Tony bends down and kisses me harder than I would have hoped in front of these people. 

It takes over an hour to open all the gifts that baby girl was blessed with. The last gift is a large box from Mama and Papi. I open the box; it is a beautifully crocheted blanket, sweater, and dress. I haven’t shared baby girl’s name with anyone but Mama and Papi; her name is on the blanket, and I show her name to everyone today.  My best friends gasp at her name, and I look at them with a shut the fuck up look. Tony, let me pick my daughter’s name. So I did. Her name is Roxanne Elizabeth.

As Tony and Papi loaded our truck, Ximena and Lori ran up, and I braced myself with all the questions that were about to come. I hold up my hands in mock surrender.

“Roxanne?” they both squeal out.  “Does he know what that means to you?”

“It doesn’t mean anything. I have always loved that name,” I say.

“I feel like you never stopped loving Juan, and this name is something that tethered you to him.”

“Stop reading into it.” I laugh.

“Are you ready to leave, Mi Amor?” Tony asks. His fake voice is making me feel nervous.

“Yes, love. I’m so tired.” I go around and say goodbye to everyone. I hug Ximena and Lori because I don’t know when I will be able to see them again.  We get into the truck, and I see the Tony I have known behind closed doors. “I’m sorry.”

“Your mama invited them even after I told her not to.” He snarls. “I told her they cause problems in my marriage, and she still didn’t listen. When we get home, we are fucking, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

True to his word, he fucks me, fast and hard. I don’t enjoy or get pleasure from it. It always has been about him.  As soon as he finishes, he rolls off of me and falls asleep, and that’s how it always is. I get up to use the bathroom, and I feel a popping sensation as I pee. I stand up, feel a gush of water, and look down; the water is murky. From what I read, this is not a good sign.  A sharp pain hit me and took me down to my knees.

“Tony,” I scream. I get nothing from him, I try to stand up, and the pain comes again. “Tony!” I eventually had to crawl into our bedroom. I get to the bed and grab his arm. “Tony!”

“Bitch, what the fuck did I tell you about walking me up?” He says, pushing me off of him.

“Tony, the baby,” I cry out with more pain.

“Fuck, okay. Cover that fucking bruise on your face, and I’ll get dressed and take you to the hospital.

I get the bruise covered and get dressed, but it takes me forever because I have to stop when the pain comes. It annoys Tony, but what can I do? He calls Mama and tells her I’m in labor and will call her once we get to the hospital. He drives like a bat out of hell to get me there, and I think this baby will come faster than I thought. Tony isn’t even trying to hold my hand and comfort me. I walk in without assistance, but when people are around, he rubs my back. I need to leave, but I’m so scared of what would happen if I did.  I get brought back quickly and get hooked up to a machine to monitor the contractions.

“Wow, what happened to your legs, honey?” The nurse says.

“Our bed is one of those that raise up and down, and the bedframe itself is metal because I’m short and hit my legs on it daily,” I say. A whole fucking lie.

“Short girl problems, “ Tony laughs his fake laugh.

“Ouch, poor thing,” She looks at the monitor, and the smile on her face falls. “Let me grab the doctor.”

“What’s wrong?” I say, getting scared.

“I’m not sure, honey, it could be nothing, but I want to make sure.” She leaves, and I start to cry. Tony is across the room and isn’t even trying to comfort me.  The nurse comes back in with a doctor.

“Hi, Valentina. I’m Dr. Sanchez.” He says. “It looks like the baby is having trouble, so we must do a C-Section immediately. My surgical team will prep you, and we will get this baby out.” Everything happens in a blur, and I hear the tiniest of cries in a sterile surgical room. “It’s a girl! Little girl, you’re too young to accessorize.” Dr. Sanchez chuckles. “Mama, Daddy, she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She is being checked now by the Neonatal doctor. Daddy, you can see her while I finish up with Mama.” Tony doesn’t move from next to me.

“Tony, please go see her,” I say.  He looks at me and nods. I know he wants nothing to do with her. He returns with a bundle in his arms and looks at her in awe.

“She’s beautiful, baby,” He says, getting emotional. Finally, he’s changing, I think to myself. “You’ll never take her from me if you know what’s good for you.” He kisses my forehead and places our baby on my chest. I look at her and cry; she’s the best thing in my life. I will do anything for her. “You did good, Valentina.” He says, and I’m shocked because he’s always putting me down.

“Thank you, babe. This is the next chapter for both of us. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.” He puts his head on my shoulder and stares at our daughter.

                                                            ***********

Three days later, I’m released from the hospital, and Tony has been doting on the both of us. I see a slight change in him, but I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I have trouble going from sitting to standing due to my C-section incision. I’m not going to lie; I’m in insane pain.

“My friend wants to take me to celebrate,” Tony says. I look at him and nod. “I’ll get you and Roxie in the house, and he said he would pick me up.” 

“As long as you give me everything I need at arm's length, I will be okay,” I say. We pull up in front of our house, and he helps me out and takes the car seat out. As he is helping me into our house, a car pulls into the driveway. I turn around and look, and I see the driver. I have seen him before, but I can’t recall where. I think it may be he is one of his construction friends. He helps me get to the bathroom and holds Roxie in his arms, looking down at her adoringly. I finish up, and he helps me onto the bed. He hands me Roxie, goes into the kitchen to fill up my giant water bottle, and brings me snacks, apples, and cheese on a plate. “Thank you, Tony. Will you be out late?”

“Don’t worry about what I do.” He says. Just like that, he is back to the Tony I know. I sleep when Roxie sleeps, and when she wakes up, I change her diaper, feed her, and put her back in her bassinet. I get up to use the bathroom and grab another snack, and I look at the clock, and it’s two in the morning.  I struggle to get back in bed, but I do, and once I’m settled, I hear the door opening, and it’s Tony. He’s drunk.  He falls face down on the bed, and he passes out. Two hours later, Roxie wakes crying, and it takes me a little longer to get to her due to my pain. She is livid; her face is so red from crying.

“Shut that fucking kid up!” Tony yells, causing her to startle and cry more.  I’m standing, trying to soothe my daughter. “Did you not hear me? I said shut her the fuck up! NOW.” He jumps up from the bed, and I grip Roxie tightly. I’m scared, so scared.

Everything fades to black.

                                                            *********

My eyes flew open, and the bright lights hurt my eyes. I close them again, Only to open them again quickly. Where am I? Where is Roxie?  I start to scream and cry. Someone is over me, and I put my arm up in a protective way.

“Shhhhh, Mija, Shhhhh,” I cry when I recognize the voice. It’s Papi.

“Mi Hija, My baby,” I cry.  “Where am I?”

“Mija, you’re in the hospital. The baby is in the NICU. She’s being monitored because she hit her head. So far, she is doing well.  They had to cut your C-section again because the stitches were busted. I thought I lost you, Mija. Why didn’t you tell me he was beating you?”

“Papi, I told Mami, and she told me not to tell you and that what happened in our house was our business.”

“Wait, your Mama knew? No me digas.”

“I told her the first time it happened, and I went looking for you, but you were not home, and she told me not to tell you or my brothers.”

“Aye, hija, I’m so sorry for not paying better attention. This is my fault because I introduced you to him.”

“Papi, he had us all tricked that he was a good person. I should have listened to Lori and Ximena when they said something about him was weird. I lost an amazing guy to be with the devil himself. How did I get here?”

“The neighbors heard you screaming, so they called the police, and the sirens came near. They saw him run out of the house, jump into his truck, and take off. The neighbors know you’re my daughter, and when the ambulance took you, they came running to the house and let me and Mami know.”

“He got away?” I say, crying. He nods with tears in his eyes. “He’s going to kill me, Papi.”

“No, he won’t. I wanted to talk to you. A domestic violence counselor here said she can get you and Roxie into a safe house far away from here.”

“I have to leave you? What if he comes to the hospital?”

“I need you and my nieta safe, and I will do anything to keep you away from him. There is a security guard at your door and in the NICU.” The door opens, a nurse pushes a bassinet into the room, and Mama follows her. “Mujer, you and I need to talk seriously when we get home; Estoy bien enojado contigo. Very mad.” He says to Mama.  She nods.

“Please forgive me, hija,” Mama says, crying, and I nod. I’m not ready to talk to her just yet. He hands me my baby girl. I kiss my baby tenderly and cry over her.

“Baby, girl, I will do everything to keep you safe. I want to protect you for the rest of my life.”

The counselor came in and explained that she has safe houses that they trust and they will protect me around the clock.  Roxie and I are discharged a few hours later, and I say my goodbyes to my family and besties. I’m sad to leave them but relieved to be away from Tony. My brothers went to the house to get everything I needed for Roxie and myself. I was worried that Tony would be in there, but they went in strapped with guns in case. I was able to pump a ton of breast milk for the ride to wherever we were going. They didn’t tell me for my safety and said they would let me know once I arrived.  The ride was long, but luckily, Roxie slept most of the way there. We finally pull down a dirt road and see different houses and a massive garage with cars and motorcycles in front of it. We pull in front of the garage, and a woman and a giant man are out front waiting to greet me.   The woman instantly hugs me, and the man helps take Roxie out of the back of the car.  A truck pulls up, and a guy comes and takes all of our things out of the car and places them in the truck's bed.

“Do you mind if I take her out of the car seat?” The man asks. I nod, and he takes her out, holds her close, and smells her head. “I love the smell of newborn babies. I can smell them all day.” He is so huge that Roxie looks so teeny tiny in his hands.  “Let me introduce you to your housemate. He’s in here.” He points into the garage.

“He?” I ask as the woman slowly guides me into the garage because I’m still in pain.

“Yup, we need to protect you, and he’s my best guy to do the job. He’s a good guy. Johnny-Boy, where are you?” I see two legs sticking out from the bottom of an old-school car. It’s a beautiful car.

“I’ll be right out, “ the legs chime from underneath the car.  “Pop’s stop letting Roy-Lee fix Mustangs. He fucked this one up again.” He pushes himself out.

“Watch your mouth Mijo. There are ladies here.” He admonishes him. The guy takes a towel and wipes his hands.  I want to introduce you to your housemate.”

Sorry about that.” He says with his back still turned. Roxie begins to cry. I turn to the big man, and he waves me away.  He looks at the man, “Dang Pop’s, that baby looks so tiny in your arms.”

“I know she’s so small, Johnny-Boy, this is,” he starts. I look up and see the guy, and I burst into tears as I stare into the face of Juan, my Max.

All I hear is my name fall from his lips.

                                                          Chapter 11

                                                                Juan

I look at Valentina and notice her face is badly beaten, and I’m so mad that I make it over to her in one giant step.  I grab her chin to better look at her face, and the baby cries out again. I look over at the baby and notice a scratch on her face. The baby must only be a week old, sending me into a rage I have never felt in my entire life.

“Who the fuck did this to you?” I yell.  I instantly regret yelling because Dom looks at me like he’ll beat my ass. Valentina is sobbing uncontrollably now. “Was it your husband?” She looks to the ground and nods. I back away from her and feel so angry and sad. She left me for someone who would beat her. I would never do that. The anger got the best of me, and I punched the wall. “I need to go and get Zoe.” I go into the doorway that leads to my house and slam the door, and the glass shatters. “FUCK.” I scream.  I hear footsteps coming fast behind me.

“Hijo, talk to me,” Dom says.  His words are my undoing, and I collapse in his arms and wail. “Oh, hijo, I’m so sorry. You never got a chance to come to terms with what happened between you.”

“She fucking broke me, Pops. If not for my daughter, I would’ve checked out of this world long ago.”

“Aye, hijo, don’t say that. Never say that. You’re my son, Juan. I know not by blood, but you’re my son nonetheless! I wouldn’t get over losing you, son.”

“Pops, you and Mama Ari are my only family, and I would never do that to you guys or my baby. It’s so hard. I want to hate Valentina, but I’m so pissed she is going through this. She left me for someone that’s a piece of shit.”

“Go get baby girl, take her to get some dinner, and take the time to cool down. Imagine what Valentina must be going through, too.” He says, hugging me. I nod, and I smile because he smells like baby powder.

“You smell like baby powder,” I say with a sniffle.

“It’s the best smell in the world.”

I pick up Zoe from her classroom, and she runs up to me, hugging my legs. That action makes everything right. A hand touches my back, and I turn around, and Carolina stands there with a smile.

“Come over tonight? The girls can have a sleep-over,” she says, biting her lip.  I’m not feeling her, nor do I want to have a repeat of our first date.

“Sorry, I can’t. Thanks for the invitation, though,” I say.  I need to get this over with. “Listen, Carolina, I think you’re great, but I’m not in a place to start anything with anyone.”

“Well, you know where to find me if you need a release, if you get what I mean,” she whispers. She is a fucking nutter.  I pick up Zoe, take her to my car, and put her in her car seat.

“Baby girl, you want to go to Pizza Pirate?” I ask. Knowing full well that she loves that place. It has games and rides that are tailored for toddlers.” A high-pitched screech is my answer.

“I pizza!”

“Okay, okay, don’t scream so loud.” I laugh.  I let Zoe eat pizza, drink soda, which is usually a no-go for me, and run off her energy. I want to be able to get her home and to bed. I get her in the car, and it’s already late. “We need to brush teeth and read one book and night night time.”

“Papi, Tv,” she says with a yawn.

“No, honey, tomorrow you can watch TV,” I say. She starts to cry as we pull into the driveway. “If you cry we won’t have time for a book.” She stops crying instantly. That’s what I thought.  My phone chimes a text message.

Mama Ari: Mijo, Valentina had a fever earlier. I know this may be a big ask, but can you keep an eye?

Me: What do I need to do?

Mama Ari: You shouldn’t have to do anything in case she needs help. She had a c-section and had to have her sutures sutured again because they were split open.

Me: Damn, she’s been through a lot, huh?

Mama Ari: She sure has. She is breastfeeding, but it's in the freezer if she asks you for extra milk. Put the package in warm water and let it thaw. Like I said, she may not need help.

Me: Okay, I hope she doesn’t need help. I have no idea about newborns.

Mama Ari: you’ll be fine, Mijo.

I carry Zoe into the house, take her into the bathroom, and start our bedtime routine. She tries to give me a dress for pajamas, and I take her back and pick out a frozen nightgown. I sit her on the sofa and grab a book from the bookshelf. I hand it to her and run to the kitchen. I open the freezer and see little flat packets that are slightly yellow. I grab a mug of hot water and put it on the counter, and I place the pack in the water in case. As we are reading Zoe’s book, I hear a faint cry. Zoe’s ears perk up, and she puts up a finger as if to say listen to that.

“What that? Cwying?” She asks

“Yeah, a baby is crying. Let’s finish our book, okay.” I start reading again, and the crying gets louder and louder. I said no TV, but I need to check on Valentina and her baby.  I turn on the TV and put on Mickey Mouse.  “Zoe, stay right there and watch Mickey.” I knock on the door and get no answer.  I open the door and see Valentina sleeping. “Valentina?” I say, touching her arm.  She is in such a deep sleep that I know it’s best to let her sleep. I go over to the bassinet, and the baby’s face is bright red from crying.  “Shhh, sweetpea, I pick her up and notice she is wet from head to toe. I look around and find diapers, wipes, and new clothes. I take her out to the living room, and Zoe is dancing to whatever song Mickey is singing, and she stops mid-dance.

“Baby,” She screeches.  She runs over to me,

“Shhh, Zoe,” I admonish her, and she starts to cry. “Come here,” I say, sitting on the couch and laying down the baby. I pull Zoe into an embrace. I kiss her head. “I’m sorry honey, we need to be quiet, okay.” She watches as I remove the baby’s clothes and change her as fast as possible. The baby is still crying. I pick her up and walk her into the kitchen to see if her milk is thawed. Thank god it is.  I find a tiny bottle on the counter and fill it up.

“I leche too,” Zoe says.

“You can’t drink this leche, baby. It’s special for the baby. Go watch your show, and I will bring you chocolate lechita.” I am proud of myself because I do all of this one-handed.  I take the baby, the bottle, and Zoe’s sippy cup to the couch.  I had Zoe her cup and sit down. “Okay, sweetpea, let’s get you fed.”  She guzzles her bottle down, and as I burp her, she pukes on me. I take off my shirt and put her on my chest, where she is now sleeping peacefully. Zoe snuggles up, too, and I put my arm around my daughter. They are both sleeping, and I look down at Valentina’s daughter and kiss her tiny head. The lump in the throat is massive.

Tears fall when this thought comes into my head. This tiny baby should have been my baby.

                                                            Chapter 12

                                                              Valentina

I wake with a start; the sunlight is coming through the window, and I sit up fast, causing me to wince in pain.  I look toward the bassinet, and it’s empty, causing me to panic. Roxanne, where is she?  I hear voices in the living room and a faint crying. I go towards the door, open it slowly, and peek out.  What I see causes tears to fall down my face. Juan, with Roxanne on his bare chest and a little girl, snuggled into his side, drinking from a sippy cup.  He’s smiling down at the little girl. He looks up and sees me, and his smile vanishes.

“Good morning,” I say in a quiet voice. “Thank you for taking care of Roxanne for me. I was out of it.” His eyes go wide as I say my daughter’s name.

“You named her Roxanne?” he asks, standing up.

“I did. Hi there, little one. What’s your name?” I say to the little girl who has taken interest in me.

“I, Zoe,” she says. She is beautiful. She has dark skin but green eyes that pop.

“How old are you?” she tries to put up 2 fingers,

“I four,”

“You’re not four. She will be three in a few weeks.” Juan says. “She’s my daughter, and I found out about her when I was in prison. Her mama passed away in a car crash. That’s why I was able to get out early.”

“I’m glad she has you. When did you get released?”

“The day you got married.” He says as he hands over Roxie to me. “I think she may be ready to eat again.”

“Juan, I’m so sorry.” I start, and he puts up his hand to stop me.

“I was so fucking hurt by you, Valentina. I was thrown away like a piece of fucking trash,”

“Oh, Papi, bad boy.”

“Sorry, baby girl, let's get you a shower and ready for school.”

“No ‘kool Papi, I stay with the baby.”

“No, you need to go to school,” I say.

“Don’t you want to have fun with your friends, sweet girl?” I say with a smile.  She nods. “Your Papi needs to get you ready so you can have fun with your friends. Juan what time does school start?

“In about an hour, but I have to make sure she eats before we go. Do you need anything before I start getting her ready?”

“Can you bring the bassinet out here? If it’s okay, I’d like to watch some TV.” I say.

“Sure,” he says, going into my room. “Here you go.”  

“Thank you,” I say. I sit on the couch and begin nursing my daughter, and she guzzles her milk down fast. I burp her, and she falls asleep quickly. I lay her in her bassinet and turn on the white noise machine. “Be good for Mama for at least half an hour, my love.”

I go into the kitchen but walk slowly because my stitches are still painful. Mrs. Ariana said she bought some groceries, and I gave her a list of some things I wanted.  I pull out everything I need and start to make breakfast. It’s my happy place.  I make breakfast burritos, spicy for Juan and non-spicy for me and Zoe. They had eggs, potatoes, and sausage in them. I start the coffee and pour juice into a sippy cup. Juan’s bedroom door opens as Roxie starts to fuss. He picks her up and kisses her head.

“What smells so good in here?” He asks, and he sees me setting the breakfast bar.  “Valentina! What are you doing? You should be resting.”

“I wanted to do something nice for you for helping me out. You could have said no fuck that bitch, but you didn’t.”

to be continued.......

[my-yellow-world]

List of things why I'm stress right now (because I was told that once you write things then seem more manageable):

1. My wisdom teeth are growing and it hurts like shit.

2. I have an ear infection that is causing one of the worst migraines of my life (and I can't hear anything out of my right ear at all)

3. Yesterday I had a medical checkup and a nurse said my weight out loud.

4. My first university exams are in two weeks and I have to study 7 chapters of Chemistry.

5. And 5 more for biology.

6. My English classes are horrible, if I hear one more time that I have to wait for an answer from the administration department I swear I'm going to scream.

7. I hate math, if any of my classmates ask again how to get x from a linear equation I'm going to lose my mind

8. I have 3 labs the other week, two pending reports, 6 worksheets, and I have to buy about 500 lab supplies.

9. I still haven't got my period back despite all the weight I gained (thanks again)

10. I'm alone.

11. I want to cry like a little baby, I feel miserable every second of my day.

[homeoflearning1]

Unseen Passages for Class 7

Unseen Passages for Class 7

In this post, we have included the top 10 quality Unseen Passages for Class 7. Unseen Passages for Class 7 with questions and answers. Students should be studied Unseen Passage thoroughly. Read Unseen Passage several times, if needed. Try to understand the meaning of the words or phrases which are unknown to you by relating to the context where the words or phrases occur. Unseen Passages for…

[howtodothis]

7th Grade Crossword Puzzle

7th Grade Crossword Puzzle

Most sites that offer teacher resources for 7th grade only have activities tests and worksheets. We strongly suggest you verify a 7th grade puzzle meets your standards before using it in a class.

Homeschooling Rocks Science Vocabulary Physical Science Crossword

Teachers parents and students can print them out and make copies.

7th grade crossword puzzle. They have not been reviewed for…

[afooldyedinfolly]

Story time!

So I had this teacher. Not gonna say her name, we'll call her Madame M.

So Madame M has had me as a student for three years. First as a French teacher, then history, and then anthropology. At the time I looked up to her a lot and talked to her a bunch outside of class (did not really have friends in class). I have also brought up the fact that I am Kurdish multiple times.

So one day she pulls me back before class starts and is like hey I wanna show the class a documentary, but I don't want to like offend you or your culture, and I'm like oh what is it about, and she's like bridal kidnappings. And I'm like. Are you sure? Because I. Think I'd know about this. If it were a thing. Like there is plenty worth discussing and criticizing in my culture and I am more than happy to discuss these things. But I don't think that's one of them. And she's like well it is, I would know, I've got a PhD :/. And I'm like okay Madame M I'm not trying to doubt your knowledge or intelligence but can I like. See the worksheet or something. And she goes sure. So I look at it.

And I'm like. Madame. Madame M that paper does NOT say Kurdish. And she stares at me blankly.

Madame. This paper says Kyrgyz. It says Kyrgyzstan. Not Kurdistan. Like I appreciate your concern but this is not where I'm from.

Her response? "I thought you were mispronouncing it."

She thought I was mispronouncing my own ethnicity, my own people, my own homeland, for three fucking years. Do I need to tell you that my prof is a westerner, and a white one at that?

Anyways, after telling her that respectfully, why would I be mispronouncing my own ethnicity, I laughed it off, and she proceeded to show the documentary.

Fast forward about 7 years later. My little brother is also taking Anthropology. He is in class, and his teacher is asking how many languages they speak. Brother raises his hand, he says three; Kurdish, English, and French. And she goes oh wow, that's a funny coincidence! We're actually going to watch a documentary about your people next week. And alarm bells start going off in him, because he KNOWS my story. So he asks.

"Is this about bridal kidnappings?"

His teacher asks how he knew, and he explains that something similar happened to his older sibling. He explains that he is Kurdish, not Kyrgyz, and the documentary in question is about Kyrgyzstan, not Kurdistan. Teacher gives a quick 'I got the two mixed up' and moves on.

When he comes home, he asks me, what school were you in when you were taking Anthropology? And I answer, same one you're in now. He asks what the prof's name was, and I tell her it's Madam M.

"No way. That's my prof too."

And so he tells me the story.

Like none of this is malicious or anything but it's nice to see after living down the embarrassment of a 16 year old calling you out like that, almost nothing has changed after 7 years. At least this time she didn't do the insulting "I thought you were mispronouncing it all this time" shit.

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / Part 18 Here! / Part 19 Here! < This is Part 20!>

Donate to Move to Higher Ground HERE!

A/N: There’s not going to be an update on Wednesday (it’s the day after my birthday and I’m going to go cry at the space station) lol. The next two parts will be like - alternative timeline/pov/intermission posts. Which will just be to add some depth to the story I guess. Stay safe! See you next Saturday!

* “Get out”

* You can’t have been parked more than five minutes before Jessica prys the driver side door open from the outside

* You’re hunched over the binder in your lap, hurriedly scrawling answers onto the worksheet

* Edward just sighs, moving to get out of the car

* “Wait-“

* You stop him by placing your hand on his shoulder

* Edward grins, so these are boyfriend privileges huh?

* You’re going to pick him over your human friends. Well he would be lying-

* “Give me the answer to the last question before you go.”

* Edward deflates

* Guess somethings don’t change.

* “It’s sin(x) equals 18”

* You nod, quickly writing down the answer

* “Thanks Edward.” You mumble learning over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek

* “Now get out”

* He stands outside the jeep a goofy grin on his face, a hand touching the place your lips were on his cheek

* Well at least some things change

* You don’t miss Jessica’s gaze on you as you put your binder into your backpack

* “So... what do you want to talk about Jess?”

* You don’t miss the incredulous look she gives you

* “So about Edward then”

* “Yeah, no duh”

* You let out a deep sigh

* “Where do you want me to start?”

* How far back does this story even go?

* Probably when you saw him that first time in Denali

* His angular face, and those deep amber eyes

* And those butterflies in your stomach

* “You can start with what happened after you guys left the party!”

* So you’re going to have to fast forward a bit

* “Well he was mad because-you know two against one- if it was anyone else it would have been a traumatic experience waiting to happen”

* She nods, thinking you’re talking about you

* You’re talking about something transitive happening to those boys

* For those boys if they tried something with you that is

* You were pretty far gone, you might have actually killed them if Edward hadn’t come to get you

* Not out of anger, just negligence

* At the very best they might have cried if you weren’t able to control your emotions

* “And then after - we were arguing- and then it was just happening”

* “You guys had s*x?”

* You sputter

* “Geez no! We were kissing, get your mind out of the gutter Jess.”

* “Well I don’t know (Y/N/N), he’s been pinning after you since freshman year a kiss just seems anticlimactic all things considered ”

* Besides you guys have this vibe around you-

* Like a sort of intimacy or something-

* You’ve both always had a sort of closeness.

* Like it was the two of you in one world, and then everyone else in another

* But now there’s a physical closeness to you both

* The kind of vibe people who are sleeping together usually give off.

* She saw it when you were together at the aquarium

* “Nah that’s impossible” you let out a long sigh

* “I’m pretty sure he wants to wait until marriage”

* Jessica sputters at that

* “M-marriage? Holy crap (Y/N)-“

* You nod, it’s such an antiquated notion.

* Especially considering you’re both technically dead

* Honestly, what could be more awkward than a couple of virgins fumbling around in the dark for a few hours on their wedding night?

* “He wants to marry you?!?”

* Oh

* Yeah that would be the normal thing to be concerned about

* “I’m not really sure” you scratch the back of your head

* “You’re my soul mate”

* He had said it so causally, like he was talking about gravity or the weather

* Like it was a universal fact

* The words make your stomach flutter

* Ugh you don’t have time to think about this

* “Well that’s what happened, and now Carlisle is always crying in the house and Esme is already planning weddings. Now come on we’re going to be late for class”

* You get out of the car before Jess can get a word in edgewise

* So this is really happening

* She sighs

* Well she’s be lying if she said she didn’t see this coming

* She knows there’s a lot of people competing for your affection

* Hell even Conner dropped his f*ck boy tendencies for you

* But Edward is the only one who looks at you, and only you

* Jessica’s guilty of it too, she’ll admit that

* You’re her first choice, don’t get her wrong, but if you don’t return her affections

* Well that’s fine, she’ll just date Mike, or Conner, or Bella or whoever

* It’s the same for the rest of them

* Conner will be bummed when he finds out-

* Mostly because he can’t believe he dropped his other side pieces

* But he’ll get over it

* Just like Mike did

* But Edward-

* There’s no one other than you for him

* She see’s it in the way he looks at you.

* If it’s not you, it’s just not any good

* So he’ll wait, maybe even his entire life, until you’re ready to love him back

* A small smile twitches on her face

* She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy for you

* “I wonder if anyone will ever love me like that” she mumbles to herself, right before flinching in surprise when you swing the passenger door open

* “Oh my god you scared me!”

* “I scared you?!? Jess this is my car, how am I supposed to lock it if you’re sitting inside?”

* “Oh right”

* You make it to class by the skin of your teeth, taking you seat between Edward and Alice in English

* “So what did you two talk about?” Edward whispers with a small smile while the teacher calls roll

* You roll your eyes

* “Like you don’t know”

* He has a sly smile on his face and you’re not sure why

* Alice starts obviously stifling laughter beside you

* Rude but okay

* Edward leans close to you, so close his lips are only a centimeter away from your ear

* Does he mind?

* Maybe he’s immune to sexual feelings, but being that close is doing things to you

* “I’m actually not waiting for marriage by the way”

* You can practically feel the grin on his face

* You look up to him, your golden eyes meeting his

* You were right he is smiling

* His smile takes a mischievous turn, and you feel his hand slide onto your thigh and give a teasing squeeze

* “Didn’t want you to have any misconceptions” he says with the same sly grin as he removes his hand from your leg and leans back in his chair

* Ah

* So that’s why Alice was laughing

* (Y/N). Exe is broken

Bonus:

* “Hey”

* Bella looks up to see the Jessica standing by her locker as she pulls her books out

* “Oh hey, did you get to talk to them?”

* “Um yeah, it’s about what we were thinking.”

* Bella nods, if she’s sad she’s not showing it.

* “It’s good that they’re together. He loves them a lot, I’m sure Edward will treat them right”

* Jessica nods, Edward does love you a lot.

* She watches Bella try to cram books into her bag

* She is kinda pretty now that she looks at her, in that angular face- snow white kinda way

* She’s no (Y/N)

* And she’s no Mike

* “Hey did you finish the trig homework? I was having tr-“

* But maybe-

* “Hey, Angela and I are going dress shopping in port a, do you want to come with?”

* Maybe they can be friends

* They both liked the same person, so they’ve already got something in common

* Bella looks at the blonde

* To be honest, she’s been holding everyone here at a distance

* In a few years she won’t see any of these people ever again, there’s no need to get attached

* Not after what happened in Arizona

* But still-

* “Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

* Guess she never learns

Tags:  @moonlights27​ @thebluetint​ @the100thtwilight​ @awesomebooklover17​ @oneofthepotterheads​ @smileygirl08​ @imdoingathingmom​ @iconicgguk​ @yrawn​ @alyciaswhore​ @little-horror-show​ @wicked-watering-can​ @lazydreamers​ @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt​​​ @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796​​ @moose-squirrel-asstiel​​ @hotmessgoodness​ @jaimewho​ @corabmarie​ @what-am-i-doing10​ @alluring-venus​ @imdoingathingmom @anotheryooniverse​ @im-tired-not-sleepy​ @emmettcullenisahimbo​ @my-super-musical-life​ @smolvampiregirl​ @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream​ @mihikaahujaaa @werewolflover3252​ @teenagezombiekryptonite @shynz​ @reclusive-chicken-nugget​ @monkeyluver4546 @wonhomarshmallow​ @bwbatta @bubblyabs​ @thatwaspossesion​

[jewelsunrays]

So, college. Ugh.

One thing I still haven’t adjusted to yet after 7 weeks (!!!) is the sleeping schedule. I have been absolutely so exhausted, trying my damndest to go to bed around 10:30 and wake up at 6am to catch the train. But its so hard to fall asleep.

Train rides in the morning are cold, busy, a beautiful view and a great excuse to read or listen to music. My only qualm is related to my sleeping schedule: I always end up drifting off. Its even worse on the train ride home. I love train rides in the morning but in the afternoon I resent them - at that point the sun is beating down and I’m sweating despite it being autumn and four degrees in a morning and its harder to find a seat and I have more to carry and my feet hurt, and on top of all that I’d be falling asleep on the way home! But ultimately I like catching the train. The thought occurred to me that when I was younger, going on the train was a special treat, symbolic of days out somewhere new or visiting family, an exciting rarity; now, its my daily routine, nothing out of the ordinary.

School itself is… well, its school. I was pretty excited to go back because I missed having a schedule and I liked doing work, funnily enough, I’m not having the same thoughts now. I forgot that in sixth form there’s this huge pressure of a-levels and worrying about leaving and heading to a university or a life of work, and the obligation to study in your own time for like 30 hours a week. 30 hours! Inhumane. On top of getting 8 hours of sleep, how the fuck are we meant to balance our own life? I’ve made a study schedule, but its extremely loose as funnily enough scheduling in the time you’re meant to have fun takes away the fun because there’s this pressure to have fun - you get it.

English Literature is my favourite class. My teacher is Alan (we refer to teachers by their first names, a huge adjustment, I still end up saying ‘sir’ or ‘miss’ lmao) and he’s probably my favourite. Even though he’s mocked a bit and has the sense of humour of a 50 year old man, which he is, I somehow still find him entertaining. Its like everything he does is funny, he’s not even trying to. I missed being able to read and analyse texts. I’ve also found myself putting up my hand far more than I did at GCSE, even finding myself shouting out the answers sometimes, communicating a lot more in group work - a fucking magnum task but I’m doing good nonetheless. Guess there’s been quite a shift in confidence.

Sociology is okay. We have to take so many goddamn notes, whereas in English its mostly annotating the books or filling out worksheets and only writing down the essentials - in Sociology we have to write down basically the entire powerpoint, and in my free time I have to sort through it and rewrite it so my hideous scribbles become somewhat discernible, and on top of that the tests for it are so goddamn hard considering he barely goes into depth! Ironic, considering my sociology teacher is a fucking waffler. He’ll stay on a powerpoint slide for 15 minutes waffling about one sentence of it which ultimately is just rewording the sentence in a more complicated manner, meaning we can’t finish the whole topic he wants to cover in his one lesson, which means we continue it the next lesson which cuts down the next topic we’re doing, meaning right now we’re far fucking behind and I have a essay test next week which I’m pooing myself about because I hardly know half the content. Yikes. I basically use his lessons for napping time.

I despise Art. I signed up for art under the illusion that I would actually get to draw and paint and make things. Instead, we have to cover other topics like Graphics, Photography, Textiles - I just wanna draw, and we’ve only done one lesson of that in the 18 lessons I’ve had. I despise photography, how are we meant to go into depth and write a paragraph about a random photo she made us take of a bottle? Painful shit. Our art teacher missed about two weeks of lessons, meaning we mostly had to spend those two weeks going over past things we’ve done and catching up. But then when she returned, last Tuesday, she set the deadline for our entire sketchbook to be complete and up to standard for the end of the week with extra double page on top of that - 1pm Friday. You’d think there wouldn’t be that much work if she gave us such little time, but trust me when I say the entire class was staying behind in college rushing to finish up everything and complete new work. Ugh.

I was actually intending to switch out of Art to English Language, but due to her absence I couldn’t get my teachers signature on the form so I have to stick with art. I consulted my form teacher last Friday in our one-on-one session (a required thing, but embarrassingly enough when I touched upon mental health support and she mentioned family deaths I teared up, so fucking humiliating) and she said she’d see what she could do, so who knows? I’ll update if I end up transferring.

I’m not sure if I’ve touched upon Enrichment, but every Wednesday after lunch there are no lessons so that all students can do an extracurricular. I chose Exploring Leeds, where every week we go to a different museum or historical place in Leeds and have a look around. My first few weeks, there was a bit of a hiccup - I missed the first session due to a hospital appointment, meaning I missed the second session because I had no information for where to go. However the teacher who runs the Exploring Leeds club is Alan my english teacher! So it was sorted out in no time. Its quite a fun club, except he walks so goddamn fast the club can’t keep up. When we get to the museum we can wander around and do our own thing for a while which is more fun the bigger the museum is. Pretty sure everyone else signed up for an excuse to bunk out of school and leave early considering the museums we’ve gone to, I’ve been the only one looking around at the exhibits. No judgement there.

Lunchtimes are mostly spent eating in a stall in the bathroom. There are so many places to hang out but I’d rather gauge out my own eyes than eat in front of other people so I choose the bathroom so I can lean on the windowsill and nap and be alone, plus it makes me feel like a protagonist from a teen movie. It also saves me from being alone around groups of friends and remembering how utterly alone I am. I also go to the local park and read under a tree for a few hours between lessons when I don’t feel like going to the ILZ (Independent Learning Zone) and studying. Makes me feel really intellectual and academic, a true Rory Gilmore.

Part of why I returned to college was so I could feel like I wasn’t letting down my family, to prove I wasn’t stupid by dropping out of school, to go back and get good grades and confirm everything that’s been said about me was right. Unhealthy, but true. I really expected people to ask about my lessons and give me a chance to prove I’m smart, but all thats been asked is, ‘have you made any friends?’ And fuck if that isn’t a sore point. Over the years I’ve been told and shown my brain and my grades make up for being awkward socially, that it didn’t matter because school was a priority. Thats what I told myself! That it was fine to not have any friends, that it shouldn’t and doesn’t bother me. But I’ve made no friends. Sure I’ve held conversations with people and we joke in class or discuss work easily, and I’m not as awkward or shy as I used to be, but outside of that? I’m completely fucking alone. It feels so humiliating to have to answer ‘yes, I’ve made friends’ when really I’m thinking ‘does it matter if I’ve made friends? I’m fulfilling everything you’ve asked me to do, I’m going to school, I’m being who you want, you’ve never cared if I’ve had friends before, why has your priorities changed? What’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with me?’. I just get so angry, because why does it matter? When in reality, I know it doesn’t matter that much. It only hurts me because I know the answer is no, and probably will be for a long time.

My mental health has taken quite the hit. My mum intends to call the doctors and get me some tablets for depression or anxiety or something, like she and my older brother have, because I’ve been doing horrendously in that area. I’ve tried my best to avoid all my problems, and talking about them, and god I really do avoid them, but I’ve still been crying and having breakdowns to the extent where I had to take a day off last week. And two teachers have recommended going to school’s provided therapy, which is nerve-wracking because I don’t think I could possibly utter a single thing out loud without bawling, which, again, is embarrassing. Ugh.

Besides all that, its whatever. Its fine. Its life! Gotta live it. I won’t even go into the cost of living crisis, the money problems, the fact I’ve had to be the one to pay rent and buy food and the pressure I feel. Christmas is coming up and it should all be better soon. I love Christmas. Lets focus on the positives.

[lalaytight]

NCT 127 + Sungtaro as Uni Students

-Information Prior to Reading-

Clearing - When applying to University after the official date of the A level results, national results, the clearing section opens which allows people who did not get the required grades or have changed their mind in term of courses, apply to university and get a spot.

Dissertation - he final project completed in the last year of University, is normally around one set topic and makes up a good chunk of the final grade awarded at the end of the course.

Pre's - Stands for Pre Drinks a social event where alcohol is consumed prior to going to the clubs.

Masters- A second degree normally 12-18 months long in addition to the bachelors degree when you first graduate. Normally more specific than the first degree.

Gap Year- A year taken between finishing up school and going off to university, normally spent either saving for university or more commonly travelling the world and 'finding' yourself in a third world country on a beaten path.

Pull/ going on the pull- The act of trying to get a date or take someone home with you whilst on a night out in the clubs/ pubs. Can be either successful or unsuccessful but is a great past time.

Tactical chunder-  The act of throwing up whilst drunk in order to sober yourself or remove some of the alcohol from your body. Is often done to make room for more alcohol.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Swearing, overall shenanigans, phallic imagery (?), Illegal substance usage

Moon Taeil

Taeil is studying a Chemisty Masters. He completed the undergrad and met a girl. The year below and didn't want to do long distance. So he signed up for a master's course so they could stay in the same area. And he has to admit it was definitely a good choice. Not only is he not having to worry about getting a job, loosing his missus to someone else or having to part from his mainly younger best friends.

He considers himself old now and therefore, isn't involved in any of the society's or sports clubs. He also can't be bothered, not between labs and reports he's got to write. He can barely make time to play fortnite yet alone serious sports. But he will sneak into any of the parties being hosted by the societies his friends are a part of. Will bring his own bottle of Gin and never take it home but its all about the atmosphere. And hanging out with his friends.

In class, Taeil works with the same lab partner for everything. He hasn't changed since September and has no intent to. He's not big on making more friends than necessary and he's got this tight bond with his current partner and therefore, doesn't bother looking for anyone else if they have to do group work. He's studious and his reports are always written well. There's also a little smiling moon placed in the top corner of any one he has to print out. It's completely against the guideline published but its so cute he gets away with it each time. Plus he's also a major teacher's pet and will stay late to help clean the lab after a session.

On a night out Taeil is plastered. He's drunk out of his mind but it's the way he likes to be. He's buying everyone drinks. His bank accounts hurts at the end of the night but he only sees it as a good night. He has no interest in pulling or trying to flirt with anyone he's a committed man. But he will attempt to help his other friends settle down. Therefore, he's everyone's wingman. A shit one but its the effort that counts. If he's lost he's by the bar ordering shots for someone he thinks is sobering up too fast.

John Suh / Johnny

What would the great Johnny Suh study at university. Well its nothing you expect it to be. He's studying building surveying. Yeah you heard that right. And he's so proud of it. The looks he gets when people ask him what he does and that's his answer. This big tall buff guy who kinda screams like he's studying something sporty. He's all about buildings. Wont even try to say he's doing archetecture. Rather he'll just bring out a folder of photos on his phone which are just him in his High Vis Jacket in a multitude of poses.

Johnny is the captain of the Rugby team, that's how he met and then adopted Jeno. He can be seen only on Wednesday at the student night wearing his rugby uniform, the university mascot drawn on his face and a bottle of beer in his hand. He starts the sing along of the rugby boys as they walk through campus. You'll know the one, where they talk or chant about their appendages. He cheers the loudest when one of the newer players join in

In class Johnny is that one guy that everyone loves. He's fun he's entertaining and he's just so nice. He's always there to help his other peeps when they're struggling responding to the questions in the course group chat on Facebook. He send's merry Christmas and happy holidays messages without fail. The cutest little messages and stuff and if you didn't expect this great six foot something guy behind the screen you'd be correct. He's so nice and polite and seemingly hard working that he can get away with anything. You wouldn't notice that he does fuck all in a group project. He's just so present you think he's contributed loads. Until you notice the only writing he has on the entire worksheet is his name.

Johnny is the ultimate party planner. He's always responsible for organising the house party or pre's and he gets absolutely everyone around. He know's Jeno and next thing you know the rest of the younger guys are round his house and Johnny's suddenly got like 7 20 something year old sons. He's bringing all the snacks and an endless supply of Magners. Anyone wants a drink, help yourself. On a night out he's the first to break off from the group. He's straight to the smoking area to light up his juul. He spends a little too long there cause he's too busy flirting but he leaves with their insta and then goes to try and bully Mark onto the dance floor. But when Mark protests and he's told to leave Taeyong's son alone, his best partner is crime Jaehyun is right by his side to go thot drop to the 90s club hits playing on the floor.

Lee Taeyong

Taeyong is another masters student. His first degree was in illustration and he hated it. Completely put him off art. He never wanted to draw for a living ever again. Never again. But he didn't know what to do with his degree. That was until he went to a careers event and there was an art therapist present, and he knew this was his calling. Or perhaps he was desperate and the way the man talked seemed to draw him in. Therefore, his masters is art therapy.

Taeyong used to be the president of the music society, and he could have stayed on another year when he started his masters. But he decided to take a step back and instead focus on his studies. Or at least pretend to. Now he just focuses on not killing his housemates and wondering why he stayed in a student house for another year. Not when he could have afforded a studio apartment.

Taeyong feels a new life for art by doing his masters course. He's slowly falling back in love with the thing his first degree ruined for him. And the therapy side is so interesting and new to him that he's constantly amazed. To the point where he goes and actually does the further reading. He might be the only one in the class to do so but that doesn't stop him. The lecturers love him because of his genuine interest in the subject and he always gets the opportunity for anything cool they put on. His interest though can be a little dangerous as he's constantly testing his new techniques out on his roommates and if he has to see one more dick drawn by Yuta one of them will not be attending lectures the next day.

Taeyong contrary to popular belief is not the mom friend on a night out. He is the next morning. But on the night out he's wild. A lightweight who sticks to drinking wine only, he likes to belief he's the light and life of the party. He isn't really but he is the one on the tables at the club throwing the best dance moves. Every time he hits the dance floor its like he starts a performance and you can't take your eyes away. Somehow he's still in control of his movement. It's a miracle but he does it somehow. And the next morning he refuses to admit he was once again performing at the club like he was on a stage in front of millions as he's forcing bread down the throats of every single housemate.

Nakamoto Yuta

Yuta doesn't seem to be a big reader when you look at him. You'd never think he'd spend most of his university time bent over a book reading it to be able to write the report about it. Probably because he doesn't but he's an English Literature student nevertheless.

Yuta belongs to the football, soccer, club and is the captain. He takes great pride in his team but will not hesitate to do a fun meaningless game often. In fact he was the one who suggested to Johnny that the football and the rugby team should play eachother at tennis of all sports to see who was the superior. Before a big match Yuta attempts to organise more practice, but its never okayed by the coach. He still goes to the pitch to wait and is disappointed every time when nobody turns up to his unofficial training session.

Yuta loves his English literature class. Mainly because they do deep dives into the book and he secretly does love reading he just doesn't like being told what books to read. He's passionate about Brontè and can tell you almost anything about the twilight universe. But he absolutely refuses to read the books for the assignments. Rather he'll scroll his way through a couple summaries, a wikipedia page and one of those websites that publish old essays instead. His grades are high and he's yet to be caught not having read really any of the books they've worked on. Rather he just flings around the terminology and hopes its actually being used. Yuta attends every lecture, not because he wants to learn. Rather because he loves going in to his class and talking to the rest of the students on his course. He's a part of a mainly female friendship group and he's not hesitant to tell them when they deserve better than the guy that's stringing them on. He's always there to remind them how they truly deserve to be treated and point out the red flags when the girls try to justify staying with them. He wouldn't ever date any of them, and he's sure many of them think he swings for the other team only. But like he's not going to protest. Unless they're being mistreated by their partners and they need to wake up. He also makes a small fortune selling his old notes to students in the year below, Jaemin has set up a monthly subscription pay to ensure he gets all the notes he can't be bothered to take.

At a party Yuta can be found drinking some sort of liquor and chatting to Doyoung in the corner. The pair are laughing like school girls and having the times of their lives. If you ever approach expect to be disgusted and possibly confused considering how much of a strong feminist he is. The pair can be found having the most controversial conversations possible. Yuta just wants to argue though and Doyoung presents a very good opportunity. When asked later he will never deny what you heard nor excuse his words, only gives a meek smile and then disappears. He's found in the grimiest bathroom normally and he's not alone. Let's leave that one up to the imagination. But he's the self proclaimed king of one night stands.

Kim Dongyoung / Doyoung

Doyoung was confused at first over what subject to take. He was torn between law and criminology. To the point where he had applied and had offers for both courses some of which being at the same university. However, when it came to results days he ended up on the criminology course. He's not pressed though.

Doyoung is not involved in any societies or sports. However, he is pretty involved in another aspect of the university community. He's very frequently involved in the university confessions page on Facebook. He's actually one of the admins. And he loves to approve and post the more controversial confessions. Especially the ones which are most likely to cause massive arguments between courses. He'll accept the confession post it and then just sit back and watch the chaos. He's Admin C.

Class wise Doyoung loves the argumentative side of the subject. Why wouldn't he be involved in the discussions and debates. It's his favourite part and he's always team captain. But when it's normal classwork he's just as involved. In his opinion if he's paying all this money for the course he's going to get as much out of it as possible. He'll do the snazzy presentation for your group project with the transitions background noises and memes. You get high scores because of this presentation. He's top of the class and has no intent of letting that position go to someone else.

On a night out he can be seen purposefully trying to stir the pot. He's a shit starter and proud and its even worse when drunk. You think someone is looking at you funny, he'll say they are and then go with you to confront them. He'll talk about something controversial and try to play devils advocate just to watch your reaction. He is also the one to have the evidence of what happened on his snapchat the next morning. A useful ally to have if you want those pictures deleted.

Jung Yoonoh/ Jaehyun

Big, tall, kinda scary looking Jaehyun is studying education. He's always wanted to be a dad, but his parents warned him of the problems of being a teenaged dad. And then again at having kids really young before you have the money needed to support them. So he had to suck up the desire to be a father until he found an happy alternative. Enter Jaehyun studying to be an Early years, ages 4-8, teacher. He can be the school father to these children and then hand them back to their parents in the afternoon.

Jaehyun used to be part of the football team until he realised he couldn't be bothered. He then tried to dabble in some of the societies but he couldn't find one he enjoyed. Rather he settled in becoming one of the campus crushes. Running a successful instagram account and taking a part in the social media take-over event the student union hosted.

Jaehyun loves his course only when he's out working on placement within the school setting. He hates the class work. But when he's in class that's where he shines, well most of the time. He loves the kids, and they love him. The bond he builds is so strong and it normally works very well in his favour the class listening to what he wants them to do and everything generally seems to go well for him. He's also a hit with the female teachers who are supervising him. To the point where he can get away with nearly anything. He'll never forget the one time he turned up after a heavy night out, hanging out of his boots, to the point he was throwing up in the students toilet and he's charm and good looks meant the female teacher he was working with let him off the hook. He swore never to drink again before going to work but he totally owed it to her for not reporting him to the university for being completely out of sorts to the point where he just put on a film all afternoon and snoozed on the desk.

When he's not got work the next morning Jaehyun is down for the longest night out he can muster. He will drag everyone to the one club that closes at 6am. By the end of the night there's only a few strong solider's left, namely Johnny, Yuta Jungwoo and himself, but he'd never stop. His wallet hurts after paying all the entry fees but it was completely worth it. His favourite student night is the naughties night that is hosted every term, he's screaming along to Beyonce and Fall out boy all night along. He's hit hard by the hangover the next morning but his cuddle buddy Taeyong is more than used to it by now and the pair sit watching reruns of Judge Judy and feeling sorry for themselves.

Dong Sicheng/ WinWin

Included in WayV link pending

Kim Jungwoo

Jungwoo might arguably be the smartest of the bunch and he won't let you forget when he's proudly stating he studies Engineering. He deserves to as well cause the course is hard. He's a mathematical genius and he's dream is to go on to study robotics afterwards.

Jungwoo is a proud member of the Harry Potter society. Well kinda, his housemates all know he's a part of the society and he's very active talking about it to them all. But he won't actively tell people he's apart of it outside his close friends. It's mainly because he's embarrassed that he's one of the younger members normally heavily surrounded by middle aged women. But he wouldn't leave, he's too deep in the fan fiction they're collectively writing. #JusticeforWolfStar.

Jungwoo is relatively quiet in class choosing to stick with his selected course mate group. He doesn't tend to speak to anyone outside his tutor group and instead focuses more on just trying to pass each assignment sent his way. He does try his hardest to stay on top of the work assigned for him, and tries to put his effort in. But as he gets closer and closer to the end of the course he cannot find it in himself to put as much effort in as he did in his second year, he was pissed or high for most of his first year to say he was putting his uttermost effort in. He is however, well known for bringing the best weed brownies to the tutor group parties. It's a secret recipe he refuses to tell anyone how he does it.

If you've lost Jungwoo on a night out he's 1000% in the smoking area. If he's not lit up he's sat there chatting people up left right and centre. It's his favourite socialisation point and he states he can always find the most interesting people in the smoking area. And normally get a couple of free cigarettes out of it. He's the first to ask if you've got a lighter he can use. He's a big fan of hitting the gay club at about 3am because their drinks are normally cheaper and it stays open the latest. Also because there's a chance he'll bump into a drag queen.

Mark Lee

Included in NCT Dream's version

Lee Donghyuck/ Haechan

Included in NCT Dream's version

Osaki Shotaro

Shotaro is another student studying theatre studies. At first he wanted to just study Dance but then decided he liked the idea of studying more of the entire theatre style. So he randomly applied for one theatre studies course. He was accepted and didn't look back.

Therefore, as part of the group studying theatre he has to take part in the productions the university put on. Well it's not a exact demand for the course but it's heavily implied. And Shotaro doesn't mind, especially when he successfully lands the role of Dance captain every single time. It's his favourite thing to go up to the cast announcement list and see his name next to dance captain. He also loves attending all the costume fittings ensuring to arrive as early as possible and drag it out for a little while longer. It's most likely because he's got a crush on one of the students working on the costumes, but he's way too shy to actually ask them out.

Shotaro can normally be found staying late in some of the practice rooms. Despite his dancing skills, being part of the theatre course means he has to be involved in the other sides and his confidence is lacking. Therefore, he is working his hardest until he feels like he's on par with some of the other students. He mainly gets help from Haechan who's taken a liking to the other boy and the pairs mutual love for Justin Bieber solidified their friendship.

Another lightweight, Shotaro is cautious of how much he has to drink at any point of the night. He likes to still be in control and therefore has never been black out drunk. But he has tried a little bit of everything. Plus Yuta has practically adopted him on nights out and therefore, if Shotaro is tempted for a drink he'll get one but never has to pay for it. And no Yuta doesn't pay for it either but they do con some unsuspecting person into paying for them both.

Jung Sungchan

Sungchan was another confused at first on which subject he wanted to study at university. He was torn between just Media and then the more specific Film Studies. Though after one very intense talk from a Film studies tutor at sixth form he did chose Film studies.

He's also involved in the school productions, he has the responsibility of filming the performances, well at least one or two of them, so that they can upload them to the theatre society's YouTube channel. He is also in charge of organising the lightening of the show when he's not working the camera. When he has to focus on the recording he just ends up praying the lightening works as he leaves it partially under the control of Jisung and knows if he dares has a go at the societies baby he's dead.

Sungchan is that one member of the class who seems to always have the best editing software on his laptop and the most intense amount of knowledge regarding it. When anyone asks he only states it because he didn't want to look like an idiot on his first couple days. The truth is that he runs a rather successful YouTube channel where he makes edits and crack videos. Sony after effects is his best friend.

On a night out Sungchan lets loose. He absolutely loves the feeling of alcohol in his system. He becomes clumsy and for his size it can cause many problems but he wouldn't have it any other way. He tends to have to be guided through a dance floor by someone else to avoid bumping into people and spilling his over priced double vodka and coke. He's desperate to head for food at about 2am and rushes to follow someone the instant they mention being hungry.

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[gzteacher]

Overworked [TL;DR]

[TL;DR Version]: Finally worked up the courage to tell my supervisor that my workload was too much. We’ll see if anything can be worked out. I’m all-or-nothing at this point.

[Full Version - it’s very very very long]

I’m at a school that’s only been around for going on two years now, and most teachers teach 1 to 3 courses distributed through 12 to 14 classes per week.

And then there’s MY schedule...

I teach 8 courese; 18 classes a week.  - Grade 7 Reading Essentials: For kids who can’t read at all, as in this is class were we learn how to sound out words, break down compound words, recognize prefixes and suffixes, and course read material designed for American 8~9 year olds. I’m not mentioning this to be facetious but to be informative. The school originally wanted me to teacher them AP Literature. Yeah. A bunch of 12year-old non-native English speaking, never-been-immersed-in-WesternEuropean-culture 12 year olds suddenly analyzing the structure and language of Maupassant’s The Necklace. Anyway.

- Grade 9 Intro to Literature: I’ll explain why there’s no Grade 8 here later. If you’re up for a long ass read, of course) Intro to Literature (This is of course, after they’ve learned how to do basic comprehension. This course works on recognizing figures of speech and rhetorical devices, plus it looks at easy-to-read works - yes they exist... it took some digging, but indeed they exist - placed against historical, cultural and thematic backgrounds

- Grade 8+9 IGCSE English Language A: I asked my British friends about this and they all agree that Grade 8+9 (age 13~14) is way too young to be signing up for Pearson Edexcel IGCSE especially with them speaking a language that has very little if any similarity to English, unless the students have lived extensively in a Western country, which these students have not.

- Grade 10 ALevel Literature: I only have this class once a week yet am expected to prepare them for ALevel Lit. This once-a-week class versus their more prominent ALevel Chemistry and Physics. *sigh*

- Grade 10 PreAP Literature and Composition: Only because this is my first year teaching and these student’s have no background with literature. It’s basically a faster moving Grade 9 course, but it focuses on FRQ section of the exam wherein you have to have read an actual novel. Novels in this class are actually just short stories in which I have to make vocabulary lists of because the students won’t make it through a page unless they translate every other word.

- Grade 11 AP Literature and Composition: I actually managed to talk the students OUT of signing up for this exam unless they’ve really enjoy reading and can think and question things as they read. Their TOEFL Reading classes do a great job of teaching them reading comprehension. Unfortunately, AP Lit does not test your ability to search for answers directly within text, so that’s where this class comes in. The learning curve been Grade 10 and 11 here is such that the stories and poems we look at in Grade 10 are too easy for Grade 11 and the Grade 11 works are often too difficult for Grade 10. There is very little, if any, overlap.

- Grade 11 AP Psychology: One 3 hour course every Monday afternoon. It’s a nightmare especially considering how the worksheets assigned throughout the week to help them review things more often then not don’t get done. The extra materials, video links, online notes, cheat sheets, etc go ignored because apparently the stuff only makes sense when I’m standing in front of them modelling everything for them. The school expects all the students to take the exam and for me to analyze their scores once CollegeBoard releases them.

- Drama: We meet once a week, assuming students haven’t been pulled out to do tutoring sessions for Calculus. The school expects a drama performance at the end of the term.

It was becoming more and more difficult to manage these classes until I finally realized I was burning out. (I’m terrible at recognizing burnout.) The moment I would shift my attention to one course, the performance of another course would suffer. Students from whatever class would complain that they aren’t “doing enough” or that they haven’t gotten their homework or exams back yet. (There’s still a large pile of ungraded papers on my desk as we speak... I could be grading them, but yeah. That.)

Now.

Originally, this list was all just “AP Literature, plus IGCSE, Psychology and Drama” with addition to U.S. and World History. After some arguing, I managed to get the history courese removed from my schedule as well as Grade 8 “Literature” (the classes that I didn’t want ended up begin given to the teacher the school was planning of firing BECAUSE the principal - who knows me from a previous school - found out I would be teaching there).

I did try teaching every Literature class the exact same way to save time, printing, planning, etc. I knew it would be challenging, but it was either they double up and put forth the effort to master difficult material, or I split myself into multiple parts and water Western Lit down into something approachable and digestible. They all started out with recognizing the basic forms of Literature: peotry, prose and drama. Yes, I made a worksheet to let them practice identifying which description fit which type of literature, just to make sure they were following me because you can never know when the students are dead silent before, during and after classes.

Then we moved on to Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson - easy reads with a couple vocabularly cheat sheets and translation references. Then the struggling happened and as predicted, the lower the grade, the more the struggle. I decided then to re-up the entire “Literature” course and instead create a course that was appropriate for the students’ level.

I will say the one good thing that comes out of the being the only teacher who has to see EVERY. SINGLE. STUDENT through the span of a week is that as a significantly unique-looking FOREIGNER from a particularly diverse cultural background, generally socially aware, and is fluent in Chinese, it has become useful in whipping these kids in to shape in terms of their cultural awareness and mannerisms. If you’re a foreigner in China worried about local kids picking at you, making snarky remarks around you, flat out insulting you in Chinese or just being “weird” around you, you won’t have to worry about that at all with these kids. The principal knows that, I’m sure this was one of the reasons she brought me around. The school is one of those internationalized jawns where the students get offers from Western universities come their Grade11/Grade12 year. It helps to not end up overseas still making dumb comments about someone’s nose and then looking crazy when they call you out on it. Go figure.

The school is mad shy with admitting they have me teacher 8 courses. They won’t admit it right away because in their minds, I teach “Literature, Psychology, and Drama... 3 courses” but then they wonder how I manage to go through so many copies, and they pretend they don’t notice the eight stacks of exam papers that all have my name on them during midterms and finals. It’s contract renewal time, and I basically told the powers that be that they either need to pay extra, hire more staff to distribute these courses more sensibly or it’s boots for me. I’m losing hair and self-care time being the only one at this school who would need 3 or 4 people to replace me should I leave. 

[shazrolane]

Teacher Life

1) Every hour in the classroom takes about 3 hours of planning. 

2) Up to about 70% of information is lost in the first 15 minutes, if it is not reinforced. That same information needs to be reinforced again within 24 hours. Again within a week. Again within a month, if there is any chance of it sticking around long term. Information needs to pass through your brain a minimum of 7 times to make it last for a short term, at least 30 times for long term memory.

3) When stressed, and seriously who isn’t stressed right now, it’s incredibly difficult to concentrate. Hell, I can’t concentrate enough to finish a chapter in a fan fic right now, and that’s something I like. Students can’t concentrate long term right now, especially for a subject they don’t like and don’t see a need for

4) Many students have been conditioned to memorize the right answer, which leads to many of them googling for the right answer to the question in front of them, instead of learning the concept that can be generalized to many situations. I’m not blaming them, but I am stating that this is true, now more than I’ve experienced in my decades of teaching. 

So what does that mean?

I’m making a nearpod to explain how to take Cornell notes (see #2 above, because Cornell notes make information go through your brain at least 4-5 times and they stimulate the 24 hour review process). Because of #4, I’ll have to make my students show me their notes. Easy enough for in person students, I’ll have to make certain I require virtual students to show me their notes at the end of every note taking session. Also because of #4 and #3, students are FAR less likely to do this if it’s not connected to a grade, so I’ll have to figure out a way to grade these without it artificially inflating grades. 

I use nearpod because I can build in activities to reinforce ideas within that 15 minute time limit.  Every concept has to broken down into easy to understand, concise nuggets of information, with illustrations and graphics to assist my students who are still learning English or who struggle with written words.  Then I have to devise an activity that will allow them to practice the information. I need to estimate how long it will take to complete each activity so that I can again reinforce the information within 15 minutes while still allowing high acheiving and gifted students to not waste their time, waiting for others to catch up.

Students hear concepts as I read it outloud and explain, they read and copy as they take notes, then they practice this information immediately and again later in the lesson. Then they have some independent practice which I need to review as they do it, in order to catch mistakes and misconceptions as they arise. I need to develop different levels of activities to accomodate students with learning disabilities, those who are learning in a different language, as well as those gifted students who DON’T need the repetition but who DO need enrichment. 

Each nearpod starts with a check in on their mental/emotional health, and then a short video that showcases people who look like my students (primarily POC) doing good things and being acknowledged for it. This gives me time to do attendance and check over their responses on the mental/emotional health to determine who I need to check in on, who’s going to struggle today, and who I might need to refer to a counselor or social worker. 

Next I need to have a warm up that reviews what we did in class yesterday (that 24 hour review again). I usually add in a few call backs to things we did earlier in the class, so that doesn’t get forgotten. 

Remember #3? New concepts need to connect to concepts you already know, or you won’t understand/remember them. It’s like hanging ornaments on a Christmas tree - if there’s no tree, the ornaments crash to the ground. If a student is from a culturally Muslim country, talking about Christmas is meaningless to them. I need to find a way to connect these concepts to as many of my students as possible, so the concepts need to be relevant. Since I don’t know the backgrounds of all of my students, I need to build that relevance into my lesson and build the framework from the ground up. 

I need to schedule and write a quiz within the week, as well as a way for students to practice the information in the quiz, to hit that 7 days reinforcement target. 

It’s best to write the test first and then design lessons to make certain that all information on the test is adequately and appropriately addressed in the class, so I need to continually refer back to the test and the study guide while designing the lesson. 

The lesson needs to end with a closing that summarizes the information and makes students review or process or reflect on what they learned today. 

Then I need to make certain that I have something to grade, and try to make it easy to grade. If I can grade each assignment in 1 minute, it will take 1.5 hours to grade every assignment. Very few assignments worth doing can be graded in 1 minute.  Those hours spent grading are NOT part of the 3 hours of lesson design mentioned in #1.

Meanwhile, parents ask their students, “What did you do in class today?”  

“Copied some notes. Did a worksheet.”      

And people are spitting in rage that teachers are lazy, not doing their jobs, and don’t deserve paychecks.  There’s a parents’ group in my school district that is fighting to take away masks and doxxing teachers because we need to “start” earning our paychecks. 

PS we are currently hybrid - I’m teaching virtual as well as face to face right now. So everything I just wrote about above?  Now I need to go through and figure out ways for all of it to be done on paper as well. 

[captainmarvels]

where I lay down

Summary: Steve has one year left to get you to talk to him, and he doesn’t realize how much he loves the game until you let him win.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Steve Appreciation Week Day 7 Prompt: Song lyrics - “Living love in slow motion” - 18 by One Direction

Word Count: 2032

A/N: My final entry for Steve Appreciation Week! I loved writing for one of my favorite characters, and thank you to everyone who read my pieces! Hope y’all enjoy this last one x

It was the first day of senior year, and the last thing on Steve’s mind was love.

This year was his last at Hawkins before moving on to bigger and brighter things - hopefully outside of Indiana - and he wasn’t going to let anything distract him from the ultimate dream: graduation.

Glancing down at the note in his hand, he made his way to his first class of the day - English Lit. 

Name tags were on each desk, and Steve wandered around the room trying to find his. Finally finding it on a desk in the back, close to the windows, he dropped his books on top of the laminate and sat down.

Glancing to his right, he saw a familiar face sitting next to him.

“Funny finding you here,” He whispered, his eyes concentrating on the writing across the chalkboard.

You snorted, saying nothing. 

“We’re doing this again?” He looked over at you, grinning cheekily as you kept looking straight ahead, avoiding his gaze. 

Ever since freshman year, you and Steve shared one class together, without fail. And somehow, you always ended up sitting next to each other, at one point or another. 

Every single time, Steve would try to provoke a response out of you, but you refused to give in. 

You knew “King” Steve, and you weren’t really up for his distracting antics during class. Thus, you never responded to his questions or whispered commentary during class discussions. 

Steve had made it a goal of his to get you to answer him at least once before graduation, and he was reminded of that as he settled back into his seat as the final bell rang.

Game on.

Just before the bell was supposed to ring, Steve slipped you a note, his gaze concentrated on the teacher’s lecture. Eyebrows raised in confusion, you flipped the scrap piece of paper open, keeping a straight face as you read his chicken scratch handwriting.

Shall we make a bet out of this ‘not answering me’ charade of yours? 

If I get so much as a LAUGH out of you, you have to come to one of my house parties. I need you to have a life out of school, dude. Deal?

As the bell started to ring, you scrawled your answer on the back of the paper, tossing it on Steve’s desk without a second glance. 

He picked it up and read your reply, a wide smile dawning on his lips as he made his way out of the room, tucking the piece of paper in his pocket.

Game on, Harrington.

Steve made sure to get to class ten minutes before the bell, giving himself an ample amount of time to try and get a reaction out of you before class began.

And every day, without fail, you managed to keep a straight face and wired shut lips, your eyes not even sneaking a glance at the ever-frustrated Steve falling back in his seat in defeat. 

“How long can you keep this up?” He whispered to you, his eyes watching the teacher as they paced back and forth in the front of the room. He glanced over, and saw you were diligently doing your work, your eyes following the glide of your hand across the paper.

Shaking his head, he turned back to his own worksheet, an unstoppable smile spreading across his lips as he got to writing.

It was February now, and Steve still had no luck when it came to you. 

Friday was Valentine’s Day, and that’s when an idea struck Steve.

Valentines.

Enlisting Dustin’s help, the two of them spent the whole night bringing Steve’s idea to life. All that was left was making sure it got you to laugh.

The clock struck 7:45, and the first warning bell rang out in the halls. Making his way to the classroom, Steve pulled out the green envelope that had your name written across it.

Setting it on your desk, he dropped his books on his desk and headed out to the bathroom. 

You walked in, handing in your homework to your teacher before moving on to your desk. Noticing the green envelope from afar, you glanced around the room, looking to see where Steve was.

Not here. Weird.

Placing your books on the desk, you pulled out the card nestled inside the envelope. You glanced up to see if Steve had walked in, but still, nothing.

On the front of the card was a pink dinosaur, smiling while surrounded by a bunch of doodled hearts. Opening it up, you found another version of the dinosaur holding a sign. It read “I’m en-Raptored by you!”. 

You bit your tongue back as you smiled at the Valentine’s card, shaking your head as you slipped it back inside the envelope.

Right then, Steve walked back into the room, and spotted the green stationary in your hand. He dashed across the room, almost tripping over his own two feet trying to get to his desk. 

You looked over at him, smiling dissipating as he met your gaze.

“Please tell me you didn’t open it yet,” he said, eyes wide as he waited for you to answer.

You said nothing as you merely opened up one of your books, and slipped the envelope in.

“Seriously? Nothing?” He groaned in frustration, the ringing bell drowning out his anguish as you turned back to face the board, trying your best to fight back the smile threatening to take over.

So close.

Graduation was only a couple weeks away, and Steve was getting nowhere with you.

Every day, he showed up to class with a few jokes up his sleeve, and yet, nothing. 

At one point he questioned if you had a heart and a soul, which still earned him no response.

As he grew more and more desperate, you began to wonder if it was time to end his torment.

After all, it had been four years. Graduation was only weeks away, and you figured maybe it was time to make good use of Steve’s bet.

Another Friday morning, and Steve was about thirty seconds away from giving up.

But just one more time. It’s all or nothing, Steve thought to himself as he saw you walk in. Sitting up straighter in his seat, he ran a hand through his hair, focusing his gaze on the chalkboard as you took your seat next to him.

“Never seen you come in so close to the bell - you pick up some new friends at the bookstore last night?”

“No, but I’m sure you could do with some.” As Steve’s jaw dropped at hearing you fire back at him, you didn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing your facial expressions as he laughed, shaking his head.

“I thought I’d be dead before I heard you talk to me!” 

“When’s the party, Harrington? I need to get this over with,” You were focused on your planner, but you could feel Steve staring at you.

“You being serious? You’ll actually do it?”

You glanced over at him and nodded, smiling as you heard him congratulate himself on succeeding. 

“My place, 9:30pm, tomorrow night. Solid?” 

“Yeah.”

The last thing on Steve’s mind as graduation loomed overhead was love.

And yet here he was, anxiously waiting on the edge of his seat for you to show up at the party.

The music was blaring, people were drinking, and all he could think about was how elated he was that he’d finally gotten something out of you. A smile and a sarcastic remark, all in one.

How lucky was he.

After all this time, and he’d finally won. Steve was still a little hazy as to why this made him feel so… content, but he pushed away the thought as he downed the last of his drink.

As he set down his cup, he heard the doorbell ring. 

Everything around him seemed to freeze in motion as he made his way to the door, his heartbeat loud in his ears.

On the other side of the door, he found you with a twelve pack of beer in one hand, a bag of chips in the other, and a flower tucked behind your ear.

“I come bearing gifts for King Steve,” You said loudly, gently shoving the twelve pack into Steve’s grasp as you walked into the foyer. 

“You know me so well!” He said, rushing to catch up to you as you threaded your way through the loud crowd of drunken classmates.

Propping yourself up on the kitchen island, you watched as Steve put away the beer in a cooler, his cheeks flushed red from the rising temperature of the growing crowd.

“C’mere,” He shouted over the loud music, taking your hand in his.

You didn’t protest, following him up the stairs, his grip tight as he tried not to lose you.

He pulled you into his bedroom, and for a moment, you almost started to panic.

“Harrington, what’re we doing-” 

“Here,” He pointed to the window opposite you. “Figured if we were finally gonna talk, we might as well do it where we can hear each other,”

Steve opened the window and stuck his leg out, gathering balance before sticking his hand out to you. 

“You scared of sitting on the roof or what?” You shook your head now, and took his hand.

Leaning right up against the ledge of his window, you finally sat down next to Steve, and handed him the bag of chips you had been holding this whole time.

“Is this my prize for winning the bet?” He asked, grinning when you rolled your eyes.

“Your prize for winning was me coming to this party, Harrington. The chips are my way of coping with the fact that I’m actually here now,” 

As the two of you each took a handful out of the bag and looked up at the starry night sky, your mind couldn’t help but wonder why Steve was so adamant about talking to you.

After all, it wasn’t like you’d ever said or done anything that could’ve piqued his interest.

Dropping the last chip in his mouth, Steve dusted off his hands on the sides of his jeans.

“You wanna know something?” he asked, his eyes still star gazing. 

“Sure,” You replied, poking a finger at the remaining chips in your palm.

“I can’t believe it took me almost seven months to get a smile out of you,” he chuckled softly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he dropped his gaze from the sky. “I don’t even know why I cared so much,” he whispered, running a hand through his hair. 

“Because you just had to win, Steve,” You mumbled, laughing gently as you hugged your knees to your chest, resting your head on top. 

“It’s… it can’t be just that though, can it?” Steve sighed, brushing back a stray piece of hair off his cheek. 

“Well, what else could it be?”

You looked over at him, and he looked at you, and for a brief moment, everything around you; the sounds of drunk teenagers, insects, and blaring music ceased to exist as you looked at one another. 

As if you were mesmerized by each other. 

Without hesitation, you both leaned in, your eyes still focused on one another’s; Steve’s breath mixing with yours as your foreheads met, barely touching. 

“Living love in slow motion, are we?” You whispered breathlessly, your lips brushing against Steve’s as he laughed.

“Let me kiss you already,” He retorted, not letting you answer him as he finally pressed his lips against yours, his hands suddenly pressed to your cheeks, your hand resting on his chest.

You break away first, cheeks flushed with heat as you tried to catch your breath.

“By the way… you won in February. I… I just didn’t say anything because I thought you’d get bored of me,” You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze from Steve’s as he just tilted his head.

“I could never get bored of you, sweetheart,” He said, cupping your cheek gingerly as he leaned in and gave you another kiss. “After all, the night is still wide open.”

can’t tag everyone as i’m in a rush but here’s a few: 

@jurassicbarnes @mercedesbarnes @thorsxodinson @messybitchjuice @bittergoldilocks @ahoyfandoms @spidey-pal @harringtonsbaseballbat @schwankyblock @okaybutsteveharrington @nancethebadass @madeinthemidnightmemories @sadhwstudent @fragcc @bifrostythor 

[whiteantcrawls]

Resources for Home Schooling

✅The San Diego Zoo has a website just for kids with amazing videos, activities, and games. Enjoy the tour! https://kids.sandiegozoo.org/

✅Tour Yellowstone National Park! https://www.nps.gov/…/lea…/photosmultimedia/virtualtours.htm

✅Explore the surface of Mars on the Curiosity Rover. https://accessmars.withgoogle.com/

✅This Canadian site FarmFood 360 offers 11 Virtual Tours of farms from minks, pigs, and cows, to apples and eggs.  https://www.farmfood360.ca/

✅Indoor Activities for busy toddlers https://busytoddler.com/2020/03/indoor-activities/…

✅Play games and learn all about animals https://switchzoo.com/

✅Play with fave show characters and learn too https://pbskids.org/

✅Travel to Paris, France to see amazing works of art at The Louvre with this virtual field trip.   https://www.louvre.fr/en/visites-en-ligne

✅This Virtual Tour of the Great Wall of China is beautiful and makes history come to life. https://www.thechinaguide.com/destinati…/great-wall-of-china

✅Math and Reading games  https://www.funbrain.com/

✅Phonics skills https://www.starfall.com/h/

✅This iconic museum located in the heart of London allows virtual visitors to tour the Great Court and discover the ancient Rosetta Stone and Egyptian mummies. https://britishmuseum.withgoogle.com/

✅ Read, play games, and hang out with Dr. Seuss https://www.seussville.com/

✅300,000+ FREE printable worksheets from toddlers to teens https://www.123homeschool4me.com/home-school-free-printabl…/

✅Geography and animals https://kids.nationalgeographic.com/

✅Math practice from counting to algebra and geometry http://www.mathscore.com/

✅Fave kids books read by famous people https://www.storylineonline.net/

✅Crafts, activities, mazes, dot to dot, etc, https://www.allkidsnetwork.com/

✅High school chemistry topics https://www.acs.org/…/hi…/chemmatters/articles-by-topic.html

✅Math and reading games https://www.abcya.com/

✅Math and language games https://www.arcademics.com/

✅Hands on Elem science videos https://www.backpacksciences.com/science-simplified

✅Voice based learning... learn through Alexa https://bamboolearning.com/resources

✅Fun games, recipes, crafts, activities  https://www.highlightskids.com/

✅ClickSchooling brings you daily recommendations by email for entertaining websites that help your kids learn. https://clickschooling.com/

✅Math as a fun part of your daily family routine http://bedtimemath.org/

✅Games to get "into the book" https://reading.ecb.org/

✅Online history classes for all ages preteen through adults https://school.bighistoryproject.com/bhplive

✅Biology  https://www.biologysimulations.com/

✅ Elem Math through 6th grade  https://boddlelearning.com/

✅Educational games K-12  https://www.breakoutedu.com/funathome

✅Digital archive of history  https://www.bunkhistory.org/

✅Test Prep for SAT, ACT, etc. https://www.bwseducationconsulting.com/handouts.php

✅Geometry https://www.canfigureit.com/

✅Resources for Spanish practice https://www.difusion.com/campus/

✅Chinese learning activities  https://chalkacademy.com/

✅Music is for everyone https://musiclab.chromeexperiments.com/Experiments

✅Science, Math, Social Studies https://www.ck12.org/student/

✅Grammar practice for middle grades  https://www.classroomcereal.com/

✅Daily free science or cooking experiment to do at home.http://www.clubscikidzmd.com/blog/

✅Chemistry  https://www.playmadagames.com/

✅Reading passages for grades 3-12, with reading comprehension and discussion questions. https://www.commonlit.org/

✅Vocabulary, grammar, listening activities and games in Spanish, French, Italian, German, Portuguese, Korean, and Latin.  https://conjuguemos.com/

✅35,000 pages of online content on the cultures and countries of the world. https://www.countryreports.org/

✅K-5th Science lessons  https://mysteryscience.com/

✅Tons of free classes from leading universities and companies https://www.coursera.org/

✅Free printable K-8 Reading and Math activity packs (available in English and Spanish) https://www.curriculumassociates.com/supporting-students-aw…

✅Digital learning content for preschool through high school https://www.curriki.org/

✅A wide range of math content from middle school through AP Calculus. https://deltamath.com/overview

✅Day-by-day projects to keep kids reading, thinking, and growing. https://classroommagazines.scholastic.com/…/learnathome.html

✅3 Free Weeks of Maker Stations to keep your children creating at home! Each challenge includes simple instructions using materials around the house, QR code video resources, and a student recording sheet. bit.ly/freemakerstations

✅Classes for older teens or adults https://www.thegreatcoursesplus.com/lp/t1/freemo…

✅Online homeschool platform & curriculum for Pre-K to 12th grade. All main subjects are covered, plus extra curriculum courses.  http://discoveryk12.com/dk12/

✅Printable board games, activities and more for phonics and reading all using evidence-based methods. Can be customized to any student's needs including creating flashcards for other subjects. https://dogonalogbooks.com/printables/

✅K-8 online math program that looks at how a student is solving problems to adjust accordingly and build a unique learning path for them. https://www.dreambox.com/at-home

✅Engaging reading game for grades 2-8 that combines strategy, engagement, and imaginative reading passages to create a fun, curriculum-aligned literacy game. https://www.squigglepark.com/dreamscape/

✅Higher level math series... online video series with detailed solutions to more than a thousand publicly-released College Board SAT Math, Subject Test Math Level 1, and Subject Test Math Level 2 problems.https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbQoCpvYRYRkRRvsObOPHaA…

✅Foreign languages  https://www.duolingo.com/

✅Interactive video earth science based curriculum supplement. https://www.everyday-earth.com/

✅A safe research site for elementary-level readers. They are offering -- free 24/7 access USERNAME: read (case sensitive) PASSWORD: read (case sensitive) https://www.facts4me.com/

✅Resources for AP students including live reviews, live trivia, and study guides! https://app.fiveable.me/

✅Educational brain breaks to help students review essential literacy and math skills, while getting in some exercise. Find over 900 videos to help your child keep learning at home and burn off some extra energy. Our site is best used for ages 4-8. https://fluencyandfitness.com/register/school-closures/

✅Movement and mindfulness videos created by child development experts. https://www.gonoodle.com/

✅7,000 free videos in 13 subject areas  https://hippocampus.org/

✅Carmen Sandiego videos, stories, and lessons for all subject areas https://www.carmensandiego.com/resources/

✅Math Videos with lessons, real life uses of math, famous actors https://www.hmhco.com/math-at-work

✅Entertaining & educational videos for all levels and subjects https://www.izzit.org/index.php

✅Online education program for toddler through high school... https://www.khanacademy.org/

✅Free Printables for PreK-2nd Grade https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/…/Lite…/Price-Range/Free

✅Free printables library with activities for children 0-6 https://www.littlesparkcompany.com/printables-library

✅Free at-home kids yoga lesson plans  https://littletwistersyoga.com/online-store/

✅Magic Spell is a carefully crafted spelling adventure.  https://brainbox.games/

✅Resources for AP students https://marcolearning.com/

✅Enter your math problem or search term, press the button, and they show you the step-by-step work and answer instantly. 2nd grade through college. https://www.mathcelebrity.com/online-math-tutor.php

✅Elem Math games, logic puzzles and educational resources https://www.mathplayground.com/

✅Poetry and music  https://www.thewell.world/mindful-mu…/mindful-poetry-moments

✅3D printing projects and Coding projects, involving math and other K-12 subjects https://www.instructables.com/…/EdgertonCent…/instructables/

✅Introductory and intermediate music theory lessons, exercises, ear trainers, and calculators.  https://www.musictheory.net/

✅Scads of free resources, games, learning resources, and lesson plans for teaching personal finance  https://www.ngpf.org/

✅Improve your typing skills while competing in fast-paced races with up to 5 typers from around the world. https://www.nitrotype.com/

✅Illustrated recipes designed to help kids age 2-12 cook with their grown-ups. Recipes encourage culinary skills, literacy, math, and science. https://www.nomsterchef.com/nomster-recipe-library

✅Online curriculum that builds better writers.  https://www.noredink.com/

✅80+ do at home science activities https://elementalscience.com/…/n…/80-free-science-activities

✅Daily lessons and educational activities that kids can do on their own https://www.superchargedschool.com/

✅Adaptive curriculum in Math and ELA for Grades K-8 https://www.scootpad.com/

✅Novel Effect makes storytime a little more fun for kids (and grown-ups too!) As you read out loud from print books (or ebooks!) music, sound effects, and character voices play at just the right moment, adjusting and responding to your voice. https://noveleffect.com/

✅Quick & easy at home projects curated for kids 2 and up https://www.kiwico.com/kids-at-home

✅Teaches students how to write a paragraph through interactive online tutorial http://www.paragraphpunch.com/

✅PreK-12 digital media service with more than 30,000 learning materials https://www.pbslearningmedia.org/

✅Curricular content hub specifically designed for K-3 students. https://pebblego.com/free-pebblego-capstone-interactive-acc…

✅Science and math labs and simulations  https://phet.colorado.edu/

✅An online physics problem and video bank designed for conceptual, standard, honors or AP1 physics.  https://www.positivephysics.org/home

✅Prodigies is a colorful music curriculum for kids 1-12 that will teach your kids how to play their first instrument, how to sing in tune & how to understand the language of music! 21 for free  https://prodigiesmusic.com/

✅Free videos from around the world from grade 3-12 https://www.projectexplorer.org/

✅QuaverMusic is offering free access to general music activities to all impacted schools, including free student access at-home https://www.quavermusic.com/info/at-home-resources/

✅For students to practice and master whatever they are learning. https://quizlet.com/

✅ReadWorks is an online resource of reading passages and lesson plans for students of all levels K-12.  https://www.readworks.org/

✅Critical Thinking resources for K-6 students https://marketplace.mythinkscape.com/store/redtkids

✅Music Based Spanish Learning  https://rockalingua.com/

✅Science simulations, scientist profiles, and other digital resources for middle school science and high school biology https://sepuplhs.org/

✅The Shurley English program for grades K-8 provides a clear, logical, and concrete approach to language arts.  https://www.shurley.com/

✅Sight reading and sight singing practice exercises. https://www.sightreadingfactory.com/

✅Music practice transformed  https://www.smartmusic.com/

✅Spellingcity is free right now with code VSCFree90 https://www.spellingcity.com/

✅Kid-friendly workouts — choose from Strength for Kids, Agility for Kids, Flexibility and Balance for Kids, Warm-Up for Kids, Cooldown for Kids, Stand Up and Move for Kids, OR create your own custom kid workout. https://app.sworkit.com/collections/kids-workouts

✅A collection of hundreds of free K-12 STEM resources, from standalone models and simulations to short activities and week long sequences of curriculum materials. https://learn.concord.org/

✅Course sets (Levels 1–5) that combine and thoroughly cover phonics, reading, writing, spelling, literature, grammar, punctuation, art, and geography—all in one easy-to-use, beautiful course.  https://www.goodandbeautiful.com/

✅At home OT, PT, and ST resources designed to build skills in children through movement and play. https://www.theottoolbox.com/

✅Science projects that can be completed with or without Internet access https://sciencespot.net/Pages/classhome.html

✅Keyboarding practice  https://www.typingclub.com/ or https://www.typing.com/

✅Next Generation Science video game focused on middle school where students directly engage in science phenomena as they solve problems. https://www.tytoonline.com/

✅Short videos and readings that answer various burning questions for students. There are vocabulary challenges and comprehension questions. http://wonderopolis.org/

✅Math practice  https://xtramath.org/#/home/index

✅K-5 curriculum that builds deep understanding and a love of learning math for all students  https://www.zearn.org/

✅A quick start resource to help families pull together a plan for surviving the next 1-2 months at home with their kids, but it can also be a time of slowing down and enjoying kids as they learn. Preschool through 8th grade  https://abetterwaytohomeschool.com/learning-at-home-everyth…

✅450 Ivy League courses that you can take https://www.freecodecamp.org/…/ivy-league-free-online-cou…/…

✅Spelling 1-4 grade https://www.spellingtraining.com/

✅2,500+ online courses from top institutions  https://www.edx.org/

✅22 languages to learn  https://www.memrise.com/

✅Learn to code https://www.codecademy.com/

✅Miscellaneous games for all subjects k-8  https://www.funbrain.com/

✅Phonics and learning to read https://readingeggs.com/

✅PreK - 5 games for all subjects  https://www.turtlediary.com/

✅Online digital coloring pages  https://www.thecolor.com/

✅Every course you could possibly want to homeschool preschool - 8 https://allinonehomeschool.com/

✅Every course you could possibly want to homeschool for high school https://allinonehighschool.com/

✅Phonics worksheets for kids  https://www.funfonix.com/

✅Free stories online ages 3-12  https://www.freechildrenstories.com/

✅National Geographic Young Explorers is a magazine designed specifically for kindergarten and first grade students. Children can listen to the magazine being read to them as they follow along with the highlighted text. https://ngexplorer.cengage.com/ngyoungexplorer/index.html

✅Learn all about earthquakes https://earthquake.usgs.gov/learn/kids/

✅Learn all about the periodic table  https://www.chemicool.com/

✅Farmer's almanac for kids... Date, weather, moon phase, etc. https://www.almanac.com/kids

✅Guide to gardening for kids  https://web.extension.illinois.edu/firstgarden/

✅Website allows students to play basic games to reinforce math skills and compete against the computer or others  https://www.mangahigh.com/en-us/

✅Space science for kiddos  https://www.nasa.gov/kidsclub/index.html

✅Math Games, Logic Puzzles and Brain Builders https://www.mathplayground.com/

✅Games, quizzes and fact sheets take kids on a journey through time. https://www.bbc.co.uk/history/forkids/

✅NGAkids interactives offer an entertaining and informative introduction to art and art history. https://www.nga.gov/education/kids.html

✅News and more for kids  https://www.youngzine.org/

✅Randomly generates 356,300,262,144 story starters https://thestorystarter.com/

✅Immerse yourself in cryptography  https://www.cryptoclub.org/

✅Math games galore  https://gridclub.com/

✅Tons of science experiments that you can do at home https://www.stevespanglerscience.com/lab/experiments/

✅An interactive way to learn history   https://www.mission-us.org/

✅Just explore, have fun, and learn some science along the way. https://thehappyscientist.com/

✅Interactive games based on the book series https://www.magictreehouse.com/

✅Work on the 8 parts of speech  https://www.grammaropolis.com/

✅Learn all about cells  https://www.cellsalive.com/

✅All sorts of learning here if you dig in https://www.google.com/earth/

✅Scratch draws students of all types into coding and lays a foundation for future learning.  https://scratch.mit.edu/

✅A wonderful, endlessly detailed way to get kids engaged in the world of art. https://www.metmuseum.org/art/online-features/metkids/

✅Tests kids’ geography skills. Using images from Google’s Street View, it plops players down in the middle of the street and asks them to figure out where they are. https://www.geoguessr.com/

✅Allows students to type in any city, state, or country to view an archive of historical photographs and other documents. It’s a unique way to help them learn about history.   http://www.whatwasthere.com//

✅Short videos about numbers that help kids explore complex math topics and make math more fun.  https://www.numberphile.com/

✅A human visualization platform that allows students to explore the human body in really cool ways. https://human.biodigital.com/login?returnUrl=/dashboard

✅Helps kids learn to appreciate the arts by providing them with the opportunity to play games, conduct investigations, and explore different forms of art. https://artsology.com/

✅Lets kids play instruments online. Instruments include the guitar, piano, pan flute, drums, and bongos. https://www.virtualmusicalinstruments.com/

✅Crafts, activities, bulletin board designs, and finger plays for early education teachers and parents to use with kids. http://www.preschoolexpress.com/

✅A large selection of fun songs to help teach preschool and kindergarten students https://www.songsforteaching.com/preschoolkindergarten.htm

✅Resource section includes free flashcards, coloring pages, worksheets, and other resources for children, teachers, and parents.  https://supersimple.com/

✅Life skills curriculum for students in grades K-12. Their resources include strategies for teaching social and emotional skills. https://www.overcomingobstacles.org/

✅Coding for ages 4-10  https://www.kodable.com/

✅No need to travel to one of the Smithsonian’s zoos or museums — this website brings your child everything from live video of the National Zoo to the Smithsonian Learning Lab right to their screen https://www.si.edu/kids

✅Cool Kid Facts gives your child access to educational videos, pictures, quizzes, downloadable worksheets, and infographics. They can use these to learn about geography, history, science, animals, and even the human body.   https://www.coolkidfacts.com/

✅This interactive website, hosted by the U.S. Government Publishing Office, allows your child to see the ins and outs of the U.S. government by taking a series of learning adventures with none other than Benjamin Franklin. https://bensguide.gpo.gov/

✅This NASA initiative covers a wide range of topics including weather, climate, atmosphere, water, energy, plants, and animals.  https://climatekids.nasa.gov/

✅Ask Dr. Universe is a science-education project from Washington State University. Kids can send Dr. Universe any question they may have about history, geography, plants, animals, technology, engineering, math, culture, and more. https://askdruniverse.wsu.edu/

✅Your child can play games, learn fun facts, and find out how to turn coin collecting into a hobby.  https://www.usmint.gov/learn/kids

✅From rainbows to tornadoes and winter storms to tsunamis, meteorologist Crystal Wicker breaks down the fascinating world of weather. http://www.weatherwizkids.com/

✅Kids Think Design explores careers in fashion design, graphic design, interior design, book design, product design, film and theatre, architecture, animation, and environmental design. http://www.kidsthinkdesign.org/

✅This educational website hosted by the Smithsonian Museum takes a deep dive into ocean life. https://ocean.si.edu/

✅Brainscape offers over a million flashcard decks for every subject, entrance exam, and certification imaginable.  https://www.brainscape.com/

✅The Theta Music Trainer offers a series of online courses and games for ear training and music theory. https://trainer.thetamusic.com/en

✅Banzai exposes students to real-world financial dilemmas to teach them the importance of smart money management. https://www.teachbanzai.com/

✅Innerbody explores the 11 bodily systems in depth. With interactive models and detailed explanations, this website will help them learn more about the internal mechanics of the amazing human body.https://www.innerbody.com/htm/body.html