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ace-spades-1 · 9 months ago

Text

AAAAHHHHH IT’S PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Sad Girl

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader

—-

synopsis: being a mistress on the side might not appeal to fools like you…

a/n: i love this song i love this fic i love this idea and most importantly i love my brain you are all very welcome <3

Sad Girl - Lana Del Rey

warnings: not proofread, secret relationship, player!clarisse, possessive!clarisse, kinda asshole!clarisse, she’s such a BITCH like you are not all that…. (i’m lying.), the usual swearing and demigod stuff, kinda like lmlylaw friends w benefits kinda thing except they’re both actually in love with each other, again NO SMUT!!!!! THERE IS NO SMUT!!!!!! THEY JUST MAKE OUT AND LIKE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, again… i’m sorry the nightmare trope you can’t escape it. you can’t….., i will probably add more,

player!clarisse and her little secret….. you

—-

Her hands are always everywhere.

She’s fast and agile, quick like a fox you sometimes see roaming around the woods, so she can jump from one spot to another. You’re supposed to have specific spots on your body, pressure points or whatever, that make you feel good.

When you’re with Clarisse, wherever her hands are lights on fire. You crave her all the time, the burn she makes you feel, the burn you know you make her feel- you’re pretty sure if she hovered her hand over your arm, your skin would find someway to grow and touch her.

You crave her, like a cigarette and the smell of the smoke, no matter how sad she makes you.

How can you be sad that you’re just one of her girls when at least you’re her girl?

How can you be sad when you get to wrap your hands around her forearms, feelings her muscles flex with the effort of moving to your waist, your hips, behind, the sides of your chest- everywhere.

How can you be sad when her lips are on yours, when your teeth are clashing together? Clarisse doesn’t kiss you slow. Clarisse doesn’t save you. She eats you like you’re the first course of 12, a kiss full of greed and gluttony. Clarisse doesn’t kiss you like it might be the last time, because you both know you’ll always come running back to each other.

You’re the only girl she runs back to, out of all the flings that last a few days, the one nights kissing between cabins at bonfires- you’re the only one she lets into her room, into her bed. You don’t know why she comes back to you. Maybe it’s the way you bite your fingers to keep from moaning, maybe it’s the way you do moan when you’re finally away from everyone else, maybe it’s the way you thread your fingers in her hair or trace your nails along her muscles.

You don’t know why, but you know you love it, so you keep doing what you’re doing and say a prayer each time she leaves.

You don’t know why Clarisse keeps coming back. You don’t know why you keep coming back. You may be a sad girl, but at least you’re her sad girl.

“Gods, you’re such a pretty fuckin’ thing,” she mumbles, finally pulling away to catch her breath. You don’t really care about breathing right now, just her, so you bite your lip and resist the urge to pout.

“I know,” you say back. “But thank you.”

She chuckles, shaking her head lightly, her hand cupping your face as she kisses your jaw, her other hand holding up the leg that’s wrapped around her waist. You lean back against the bathroom stall until she’s breathing in your mouth again, drawing you back down to her with a hand around your neck.

She kisses you slow, hard and deep, finally giving you what you want- a glimpse of what could be. It’s bittersweet, because she kisses you like she really cares about you for just for second- and then you’re left waiting for her until she calls again. She kisses you for a long time like this.

But still, you resist the urge to chase her as she pulls away.

You breathe out, standing on your own two feet again, smoothing down your outfit and fixing your hair. She clicks open the door, hand against the small of your back as she urges you out of the stall.

There’s no one in here- this bathroom is always empty at this time of day, facts you’ve come to know due to your secret meetings.

You walk over to the sink, turning it on and running your hands under the cold water. You bring them up to your hot cheeks, trying in vain to pretend you’re not so affected by her, even when she was just pressing her hand against your cheek a second ago.

Maybe the reason Clarisse comes back to you is because you don’t ask when you’re going to see her again. You won’t say “see you tomorrow?” with a sheepish, hopeful smile on your face like you’re sure the other girls do.

“Bye,” you smile, and she hums, she doesn’t stop you from leaving.

—-

Clarisse moves like she has complete trust in the air.

She’s bold, especially when she fights, jabs forward and somehow manages to catch herself each time, even if she throws all her weight into a particularly hard thrust of her spear. The ground is often littered with holes from either ends of her spears, constantly putting it out to catch herself.

But it’s more than that.

She moves like she just won’t allow herself to fall, like she knows it’s simply impossible for her to fall.

You watch her now, admiring, really, the way she moves so confidently, so sure, so proud- she’s an unstoppable force, and there’s no object she can’t move.

She moves you, biting your lip as the muscles in her arm tense, fingertips drumming against the length of her spear.

She moves her sibling to the ground with a kick to their chest, and they slam down with a groan. She laughs, smiling triumphantly at another easy win- she hasn’t even broken a sweat.

“I hate you, Clarisse,” her sibling groans, but accepts her hand and let’s her tug them up. She grins, wiping dirt off of her spear.

“What’s that? Win number… 8,000? Somewhere around there.”

“Oh, fuck off, we both know you don’t have the brain power to keep track.”

“Oh, you’re so mean,” she says, rolling her eyes and hitting her sibling’s shoulder.

Someone taps your leg.

“You’re drooling.”

“No, ‘m not,” you huff.

“You are,” your best friend and half-sibling, Kaelyn, reaffirms. She pokes at your chin. “Right there.”

You resist the urge to wipe your chin.

“You just don’t get her like I do.”

“I don’t,” Kaelyn laughs, and the two of you watch as Clarisse winks at another girl. “Does it not bother you? You’re, like, literally just her toy.”

“Bitch,” you mumble, slamming your leg into hers. “It’s not that, though. Besides, why would I care? You help me sneak out almost every other night, Kay. I’m going to see her, because she asked.”

“Okay, so, if Clarisse started making out with that girl right now- you wouldn’t mind?”

“We’re not actually dating, so I don’t have any right to be jealous.”

“But you still are?” Kaelyn probes. “Just because you aren’t dating doesn’t mean you don’t still care about her like you are.”

You think about Clarisse so much you’re surprised the image of her isn’t branded behind your eyelids. You think about the way she touches you, the way she kisses you, but you also think about the way it could be. You think about the way that sometimes, just for a second, her hands will linger and she’ll breathe in deeply like you are all she’s ever wanted in life.

Of course you’re in love with Clarisse- she has a fire inside of her, some part of her soul that matches with yours, and you’re inexplicably drawn to her and everything about her.

But Clarisse doesn’t want you like that. She just wants the fun- and maybe you should wait for someone else who will actually love you, but she’s the best you’ve ever had. You haven’t even had anyone else, but you already know. You know no one else can make you feel the way she does.

You sit up straighter, ignoring the feeling of Kayla’s eyes burning holes into you.

“She’s ridiculously hot, a great kisser, and she gives me the time of day. That’s all I care about.”

“Okay,” Kaelyn hums, mercifully deciding to drop the subject.

And when your eyes inevitably roll back over to Clarisse and the other girl- she’s looking at you.

—-

You love Fridays.

You associate Fridays with the weekly camp bonfire, the smell of smoke and the laughter of your friends, marshmallows and the promise of a late morning the next day.

More importantly, you associate Friday nights with Clarisse’s bed.

She confessed to you once that she doesn’t really like the campfire and just goes to keep up appearances, maybe find someone, but now she has you. You come every Friday with no intention of staying long, wearing shirts you know will make Clarisse look at you- until she meets your eyes and silently demands you meet her at her cabin, or she just comes up behind you and grabs you.

However you end up there, you end up in her bed.

You’re sure tonight will be no different- you hope it’s no different, because you’re still a girl with needs and you haven’t seen her all week.

She’s the first thing you see when you get there.

Her and her siblings always occupy the best spot by the fire, so the flames dance along her face, and you can’t help but frown when you realize she’s already scanning the crowd.

“I assume you need me to cover for you tonight?” Kaelyn asks, arm linked with yours.

“I don’t know,” you mutter, feeling slightly dejected. She was probably looking for someone else- she doesn’t want you tonight, even though it’s become an unspoken tradition.

This is your mistake. Expecting something from Clarisse. You can’t do that, not when you know her, not if you don’t want this arrangement to wreck you.

And when you find the strength to look back towards her, her spot on the log is empty. She must have found someone else she likes the look of.

“Hey,” Kaelyn says, nothing the way you cross your arms over the shirt you wore for Clarisse- it feels worthless now. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you breathe. “It’s fine. Just sucks, y’know.”

Kaelyn presses her lips into a thin line. “Yeah, I guess.”

She wants to say more. Ask why you do this to yourself, you know she wants to knock some sense into you- but you know that as much as this moment hurts, it will feel 10 times better to have her in your arms again when she comes back.

“Babe,” Kaelyn sighs, putting her arm on your shoulder-

“Y/N.”

Clarisse’s arm slides around your waist, moving you into her and away from Kaelyn with enough force so her hand slides off of you.

Kaelyn looks at you with wide eyes, and you have to bite your lip to keep from squealing. Her arm feels so good around you, so perfect, like it was made to be there.

“Thanks… Kayla,” Clarisse fake smiles, her fingertips digging into your sides. “I’ll take it from here.”

“O-okay,” Kaelyn says, sort of blankly, like she’s in shock- this is probably the first time she’s talked to Clarisse, or even seen her up close.

Clarisse drags you off, squeezing your waist tightly once- almost enough to hurt.

“What’s wrong, Clarisse?” you ask, putting your hand over hers- feeling like her nails might rip holes into your shirt.

“Sorry,” she breathes after a second, taking her arm completely away from you- a loss you mourn heavily. “My siblings were annoying me all fuckin’ day. And then they forced me to come early, and I was waiting for you and you came late.”

The sun only just started it’s descent 30 minutes ago, but you can tell there’s something more going on with Clarisse, so you choose to just placate her dramatics.

You loop both of your arms through hers, pressing close so your hip-to-hip, leaning your head onto her shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you say, simply.

“‘S okay,” she mutters, and you resist the urge to kiss her pouty face.

—-

At the back of each cabin, built into the wall right next to the bathroom, there’s a separate room for the camp counselor. It’s small, but private- a regular bed, a small dresser, and a desk. Some decorate, Clarisse left hers plain except for spots for her spear and other weapons to hang proudly on the wall.

You’ve come to love the sight of the four beige walls, grown used to the feeling of sneaking out the window, thanking the Gods it’s on the first floor.

The door shuts behind you, Clarisse pressing her back against it. Immediately, you slip off your shoes, crossing the room to sit on her bed.

“Come here and tell me your woes,” you joke, but her face is twisted into something painful, so the smile on your face falls as well. “Hey? Did something seriously happen, Clarisse?”

She locks the door and walks over to you, standing in between your legs, tilting your chin up so she can stare into your eyes.

“You can tell me,” you say, knowing you would feel like an asshole if you didn’t at least try. But you know she won’t talk to you- sometimes you talk, one Friday nights, sometimes you just lay next to each other and ask each other random questions- but you know tonight is not one of those nights.

“No,” she mutters. “I can’t.”

She leans down, her lips millimeters from yours. She’s so close it’s like she’s filling up all of your senses, until all you can think about is her. But you’re used to feeling like this around her. You love it. You let your guard down and you let it in, you welcome it.

“Why?” you ask, curiosity getting the best of you.

She smiles, her lip quirking up just slightly.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” she breathes, before her lips finally crash down onto hers.

The rest of the night is exactly what you expected. You roll around and she touches you everywhere, touches you in places you didn’t even know could feel so good. She lights you up, she makes you feel black and white. She makes you feel so simple, it all narrows down to her and her body, her lips.

And when it’s over, when you fix your messy hair and lay your head on her pillow- you don’t know what she’ll do.

You’re both too tired to sneak out, and you like to think that Clarisse secretly likes the sleepovers. Sometimes she doesn’t even touch you, seems repulsed- usually the nights when you kiss slow and then you talk.

But tonight was all fury and desire, fire in your stomach and in her eyes. So she holds you against her, chest pressed to your back. You play with her long fingers, she lets you crack them and stretch them- it’s the one time she lets someone else move her around, you think. Her arm is limp around you, her hand totally at your will.

“Do you ever think about the future?” you ask her. It’s fun to ask her real questions like this. It’s fun to get a glimpse inside of her mind, small moments like this when she holds you. “Not, like, tomorrow, but after camp. College. After college.”

She hums.

“No. I don’t.”

“Why?” you’re pushing, now, but you don’t care.

“I don’t think I’ll have much of a future, really. Ares kids go on big quests and they die horribly. That’s what’ll probably happen to me.”

“That’s morbid,” you chuckle. “There’s people who would miss you, though. I would miss you. Who else would kiss me in the smelly bathrooms?”

“You don’t want anyone else to kiss you in the smelly bathrooms.”

She tenses, like she didn’t mean to say that and she just blurted it out.

“Yeah, I don’t,” you whisper, voice small. But it’s true. You don’t.

She relaxes back against you and you don’t push anymore, you let her drift off, her breathing slow.

Eventually, after you get bored of staring at the moon in the window, you turn around so you’re facing her. She shuffles a bit, but you just move her arm back around you, thinking she’s asleep.

And after a few minutes of you laying there silently, you feel her move. You’re so close to her you can hear her eyelashes flutter.

She makes an appreciative sound in the back of her throat, tightening her arm around you and drawing you closer. When you unwillingly flinch at the feeling of her warm hand sliding under your shirt, she shushes you.

“Don’t wake up,” she whispers, the softest you’ve ever heard her speak. You don’t wake up. You pretend you’re asleep, you pretend you don’t feel her,buoy pretend you don’t care about the connotation of her softness. You pretend it doesn’t make your heart squeeze in what will never be, in what now is only the fruition of sleep and the comfort and privacy of darkness. “Mhm, stay asleep, baby.”

She kisses your nose, her hand scratches your back, the bare skin.

“Always so cold,” she breathes, “Always so pretty.”

And suddenly her breathing evens out and she’s asleep again.

—-

The next few days you pretend nothing is different. You pretend you didn’t hear her call you pretty and baby, feel her kiss your nose. You chalk it up to her frustration from the day finally disappearing in your arms and the fact she was half asleep.

She’s called you pretty before. She’s called you baby before. You’re sure she’s kissed your nose before and commented on the fact you run so cold compared to her running hot.

You don’t even tell Kaelyn about it, although you’re sure she notices a difference in you- it feels like you’re constantly removed. Constantly thinking about that one minute where she thought you were asleep.

Maybe the reason you don’t tell Kaelyn is because you know what she would say. You know that you’ve always been different then the rest of the girls Clarisse messes around with, but this is different. It’s different, the way she kissed you softer for longer last week, what she did Friday night- yesterday when she pulled you into the stables and sat on a hale of hay, guiding you to sit on her lap.

She said she couldn’t have her pretty girl getting covered in hay. And she had picked off the pieces that has attached themselves to your pant legs, holding your ankle as you stood there awkwardly.

And yesterday, she has kissed you not like she usually does, but slow and soft and so sweet. Mumbling against your lips about how perfect and pretty you are, about how good you make her feel.

When she slips you the note, you don’t expect it’s her calling you to her bed again. The second night this week, and it’s written in her slightly messy handwriting- but you wouldn’t call it chicken scratch.

Come over tonight

Please

-C

—-

Kaelyn seems skeptical over the fact that you’re going to the Ares cabin again, but she can also tell you’re not happy about it, so she just helps you.

You lay in your bed for a long time, waiting for it to get dark enough that you can sneak over undetected. And strangely, you imagine your pillow is her chest.

—-

You wake up in a panic. It’s late, later than you would have liked to visit her. You usually come around 12- it’s probably around 2, if you had to guess.

You slip your shoes on and fix your pillows to look like someone, tip toe out the door, into the pale moonlight. You feel on fire, excited to see her, cursing yourself for sleeping- wondering if she’ll be angry with you.

You practically run past the other cabins, checking down the numbers in your head until you finally reach cabin 5. You tug your sleeves over your hands, feeling the cold summer night a lot.

You run around to the back, feet sinking into the soft grass, climbing onto the little step stool Clarisse left for you and knocking extra loud four times on the window- so she knows it’s you.

You suddenly realize there’s light peeking out from behind the curtains- is she awake?

She opens the curtains and then the window, her eyes wide. She rips the window open with such force you almost fall back, throwing your hands inside to catch yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you start, prepared to worship the ground at her feet- but you don’t get the chance too.

She hooks her hands under your arms and practically drags you into her room, you have to scramble to keep up with how fast she sets you onto your feet, her hands pressing against your face-

“Why are you late?” she breathes.

You feel sort of starstruck. Like Friday, something is obviously wrong with her.

You look around the room- notice the fact she has one shoe on, and her spear is on the bed and not hung up on the wall- like she was preparing to go somewhere.

“I’m sorry,” you gasp, slightly out of breath from running, from the fact both of her hands are on your face and she’s staring into your eyes. “I-I fell asleep. Are you going somewhere?” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“I was coming to get you,” she whispers.

“Oh.”

She lets you go, sitting on her bed and taking off the one boot she had managed to get on.

“With your spear?” you chuckle, careful to avoid it as you sit next to her.

“No,” she lies, boot hitting the floor, she stands and returns the spear to the wall. “I just… thought something happened to you. It was stupid. I didn’t sleep well last night, I’m not thinking straight.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you say. She stares pointedly at the floor. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was fine, just asleep in my bed.”

Her eyes finally meet yours and she sighs, heavily, tension fading from her shoulders. She turns off the light and you kick off your shoes, watching as she circles you like a lion watching over its cub. You lay down on you back, prepared fo shuffle over to give you room- and you choke on air when she just climbs on top of you.

She presses her head against your chest, breathes in and out deeply.

And in the darkness, where your inhibitions are lowered- she presses a kiss to your bare chest. It takes you a moment, but you’ve learned to take what you can get with Clarisse. You don’t expect to get it again, but you enjoy it when it happens.

You wrap your arms around her and breathe in the scent of her shampoo.

“I’m fine,” you reassure her, and she nods.

You lay like that for a while, eventually you start to trace circles on her back- just soaking up the moment while it lasts, letting her listen to your heartbeat.

You pretend for this one night.

And when she’s almost asleep, her voice breaks the comfortable silence.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she asks.

“Yeah, ‘course.”

“You’re my only girl. I don’t… don’t wanna see anyone else anymore.”

This is all you never allowed yourself to want from her. The one rule you have with Clarisse is to not expect anything, to not get your hopes up. But Clarisse is clearly abandoning all her rules tonight, so you abandon yours.

“Does that mean anything different?” you whisper.

“I just want you to come here every night,” she whispers. “I get scared when you’re not here, ‘cause I think about you so much I don’t know what I would do if you were gone. I would be ruined.”

“I know, Clarisse. I know.” You hold your breath, feeling like a dam might spill over any second. “I know how you feel.”

“I jus’ want you to be here with me all the time. I don’t wanna… make out in the bathroom anymore.”

“Well, I do,” you huff, and she laughs, truly laughs and it’s possibly the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard.

“I wanna do other things in addition to that, okay?”

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be, Clarisse. We both know that.”

“But do you know I feel that way about you?”

“Do you?”

“You are… everything to me, Y/N. My pretty girl, my funny girl, my perfect girl.” She doesn’t look at you when she talks, but you let her speak anyway, you let her put one of her hands in your hair. “I had a dream,” she starts, mumbling, but it’s just you and her so it’s like she’s whispering in your ear. “That I lost you last night. That’s why I was so embarrassingly freaked out.”

“It’s sweet,” you whisper. “I thought it was really sweet. I was really confused, but I like that.”

She breathes in your scent and it makes your head feel dizzy.

“I like it too,” she says.

She doesn’t say what you’re both thinking. You don’t either. Neither of you can promise that this will work, that you won’t run back to the safety of making out and Friday nights. But at least you’re both willing to try.

You’re willing to try, for Clarisse, because she has something about her that you know you’ll never find again. She has the fire, it seeps out of her in every aspect of her personality, the way she carrie’s herself.

She has a fire that has been burning with yours for a long time, before you were even born. And you were separated into two different brazers, but now you’re back, and it might not be good, but it feels right.

She sits up and kisses you quickly, her hand on your face, and it feels like she’s everywhere.

You may be Clarisse’s sad girl, but you could grow to be her everything girl.

—-

i just love them so lovey dovey and cute and aw i don’t really have anything to say just

shoutout to clarisse’s muscles, to the way she kisses, to the pet names, to the way she loves when she thinks y/n is sleeping……. yeah.

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1

@hyejusdiary

#clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse la rue #pjo x reader #clarisse pjo #clar

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