#ciri & her two gay dads

[hanzajesthanza]

replies on post: "speaking of angoulême and regis friendship..."

@dankomanuels @onlymagpie the floodgates have been opened 🧍

i've already talked a little bit on here about why i think they would get along, catalogued their short interactions across ttos and lotl, and even written a few for myself... (here's their tag and their "posts reminiscent of them" tag if you want to catch up on the vibes)

why i think they have a dynamic

they are very similar kinds of people, with similar struggles and desires. i see a kind of similar personality-story between regis-angouleme and milva-cahir, which is why i see those two relatuonships as the kind of "i Understand you 👁️" of the hanza, and then milva-regis and cahir-angouleme are the "absolute polar opposites" relationships, and then when you divide it by gender you get some dissonance, but uh... learning opportunities lol

everyone gets off to a terrible start with angouleme, including regis, because she not only came from the group that was Going To Make An Attempt on All Of Their Lives, but she intentionally provokes the company to get reactions. however, out of them all, regis seemed quick to reconsider his first impressions and, canonically, became amused by her and found some inspiration in her human charm, i think... related to the breakfast table argument between fringilla and regis :)

angouleme only seems to give a shit about regis' opinion in beauclair as it's a joint opinion between him and geralt ('my two gay dads' much?) but i always love to repeat to myself the line "one does not preclude the other. believe me, angouleme," the vampire said gravely... which i find nice because no one ever takes angouleme seriously, and here regis took her seriously, about something that wasn't even serious and was actually interrupting their discreet conversation! even geralt was like please leave us alone. and regis was like ok Truth. you're right. and this is a pretty deep topic too.

i like how regis seems to see angouleme as having valuable contributions even when no one else does... i think the human-ness that is instinctual to everyone else makes them find angouleme base, but regis is so curious about her because for him he can learn from her example... i explored this most in my katabasis fic.

there's less backing for angouleme to care about regis, so i fill in her character with some projection of my own insecurities that i feel like are characteristic of young adults, or those transitioning into young adulthood without... well...

angouleme when we first grab her out of fulko artevelde's jail comes from such a horrible environment, and i dont mean this out of disrespect, "how did you come to be among criminals, tfu" , but that she was in a foul company, and nightingale didn't respect her and was "known to reduce women to their primal use/purpose" (if i remembered how that line goes...) and it's apparent in the attitudes angoulme carries over, when she says that milva shouldn't come with her and geralt because they won't respect company of three when two of them are women. compare to geralt's company, in which i don't think that anyone would ever doubt that milva would be respected... lol. like tell this bullshit to cloggy and his fucking wooden board wife? anyways

i feel like angouleme would hold regis in some contempt at first, or more just like distrust and dislike because he gives the impression of a haughty intellectual who's never suffered real suffering and just likes to say idiotic platitudes (well the latter is a little correct...) kind of like what ciri accuses vysogota of in chapter 10 of ttos.

regis also didn't help this impression by referring to her with that "i'm not your uncle dear child" ... though he was trying to draw a line between them, like "i'm not your dude"... but that drogie dziecko will live in my mind eternally btw :D

angouleme after an opportunity to learn regis would come to like and trust him, but she just needs to be shown that he's trustworthy, proven to that they are similar, that he understands. i feel like a huge part of being a teen/young adult is feeling like no one understands your pain and no one's ever gone through what you've gone through.

angouleme seems particularly defensive and insecure about her low birth, her background as a criminal, and her addiction to use of fisstech, which it seems (from her vehement pre-defense of) that she has been severely judged and shamed for this by others, or maybe just by general societal attitudes.

by incorrectly gauging regis initially, i set up an amusing thought here where, near the beginning of their story together, they have some moment where angouleme turns her nose up and remarks that regis has no business in her business because he doesn't know what it's like to wake up in the gutter hungover on cheap wine

and he's like........... i'd write like "the vampire's expression was inscrutable." meaning: he was trying not to laugh

tropes and stuff

on this note, i'll take this opportunity to talk about an aspect broader than just their dynamic and interactions, something i haven't spoken as much about on here.

i see them as a kind of played-straight, kind of subversion of a favorite trope of mine: the divine ally.

at least that's what i've been calling it, i don't know its actual name... divine advisor? guardian angel? fairy godmother? (that is actually relevant, for what i may talk about later)

this trope that is unfortunately less frequently seen in contemporary works, from what i can tell... (ugh, tv tropes even says: "This is also a highly Discredited Trope these days, usually associated with the most archaic parts of Fairy Tales, A Discredited Trope is a trope that has aged so poorly that it's rarely if ever played straight anymore.")

i think it still might be used somewhat, in the more general magical mentor trope (like come on. gandalf is right there), but from what i can tell of current trends, especially in YA and chick lit, when the dynamic is between a supernatural older man and a younger mortal woman... yeeeeah, :| , so what i'm interested in just doesn't follow the trend i guess, lol. hence why i hesitate to talk about them. but i will also talk about my reaction to this a bit further down.

for me, this trope is like when a hero is on their quest, and over their shoulder, has a distant guardian with supernatural powers watching them to see how they do, and possibly to bail them out when they need them to come to their side! maybe it's just because i was a percy jackson kid... and classical studies minor in college... but it's a trope that's always been so fulfilling and satisfying to me, pleasant to my heart when a god or an angel appears to help the hero when they're at their most desperate. it's so fictional for me, i think, i love it for its escapism... i think a lot of people can probably relate to being beaten down, desperate, even though you're an atheist you're praying in the dark for an angel's intervention, but nothing comes to save you. yeah.

anyhow, i like them for how they might invert this trope. a guardian angel, a fairy godmother, is usually something distant, ethereal, existing only in the mind, not human. they typically only show up in great times of need, and disappear at other times.

regis kind of does the opposite, as he does in the books... he shows up to geralt when he wants to be rid of him and his advice. he is like your conscience and you cannot get rid of him!

moreover, despite his supernatural powers (which i most often envision as flying, psychic abilities, and immaterial form like not casting a shadow, not feeling temperature, and (headcanoned) ability to glide on water or snow) do not make him a divine character in the classic sense of a god or spirit. he is kind of just a regular person, who likes to play advisor and confidant, can do some cool things, but is not godly by any means. this imperfection, this fallibility, this humanness, is what draws me to him. because especially through angouleme's eyes... okay, i'll get back to this thread eventually, (maybe in another post bc this is kind of the crux of 'book 2' of my fic).

let me get back to first, the other side of the trope: the hero. the hero is often pure, like cinderella or the virgin mary, or virtuous in other senses (odysseus is not a very "pure" character by far, pretty much the opposite LOL, but he is very clever, and that cunning is his excellence, what makes him outstanding). in other words, the hero is someone that the audience feels somehow deserves the divine, the ghostly, the godly throwing them a bone and helping them out.

angouleme is... at least, at the beginning of this arc, not a hero. actually the opposite, she's a bandit that was for all intents and purposes going to be part of geralt's assassination, but didn't get caught on the wrong side of history due to some freak accident (which was the author's pen). initially, she was intended to fade into the background, but sapkowski, like with dijkstra and boreas mun, said that they were characters who "stuck to his pen" and so they were elevated in pagetime. but even so, angouleme unlike ciri is not a princess, not a chosen one, she's not even anyone's daughter. she's a bastard, disowned and often forgotten and left behind (both in-universe, and by the fandom, i believe it's her curse and identity to be an insignificant accessory, a footnote).

so i think it would be so powerful if angouleme, who is used to everyone in her life disappearing on her, forgetting her—and regis, who is used to disappearing (both literally and figuratively, which is why i think it's fitting)—if when she needed him, he wouldn't disappear ... and then, maybe, if he would (for a negative arc, failed state, tragic take... i'll continue this also later).

either way, positive or negative, together these characters could have a really satisfying arc or two set during their time in beauclair.

which i've kind of mapped out.

fic storyline (book 1)

this continues to be a kind of really disorganized infodump so bear with me :) this is extremely unfiltered and unedited! (also haha "spoilers," but who cares though, because by the time i even start writing it you'll have forgotten what i said here. all i ask when sharing fic ideas on here is that no one write them before i do, pretty please)

so i'll now introduce my fic idea (not an actual book, but i just mean it like a volume or installment, since idk how to tell how long this story would be when i write it out). this first book is a lighthearted and comedic story set on saovine.

this idea centers on something loosely inspired by cinderella—a girl wants to go to a ball, but she's ridiculed owing to her low status and chased from her dream. but then, when all seems lost, the ghost of her deceased mother provides her with the most beautiful gifts to attend, and embrace an alter ego of herself, an elegant version no one knew existed, not even herself...

some motifs that regis and angouleme share are parties and revelry (oof), having separate identities (double oof), and being excluded from social engagement, when that's what they desperately crave (triple oof). i mentioned how i see them as very similar, how they are kindred spirits, how regis sees a lot of similarity in angouleme to his younger self, and how angouleme sees (though she's hesitant to trust it) an example of a better future in regis.

that, to me, is a sufficient motivation (initially) for him to help her in achieving her goals. especially because it involves parties and fun (i imagine regis and angouleme, sitting in the dark at the kitchen table, angouleme explaining her predicament, that it has to do with a ball, a big party. and then regis, smiling with fangs in darkness: "i like parties." haha)

and thus they have an opportunity to share the struggle of social pressure, empathize with someone who truly understands them, and then get to that damn party. and angouleme slowly begins to trust, open her heart a little, imagine that someone else could understand her dreams and have her best interests at heart...

also consider how angouleme's mother abandoned her and left a mother-sized hole in her heart. sometimes it's not who you would pray to that shows up.

another trope that i think would be really fun with these two, which i alluded to earlier, is the very common and ancient trope of the malevolent and predatory vampire specifically finding his prey in young women. regis already fucks up this trope into ten million tiny pieces in the series, his role is constantly to be the deliverance of women and girls (the girl from the camp accused of witchery, milva during her miscarriage, ciri about to be strapped to the steel chair). and i'm like, hey! i have in mind a blondie waif who's also in need of this protection.

but also especially because of the relationship between dracula and mina (in. dracula), how he attempts to make her into a vampire and she slips further into this... dracula exerts his malevolent power over her, and she withers, but also, is inextricably now linked to him via a psychic bond...

i kind of talked about how i have anxiety over people seeing them wrong, but i've also incorporated and played with this anxiety in the actual imagined story itself; how they influence each other and in that, it's misread by others as some decidedly dark influence, because as angouleme transitions to, becomes able to embody her ideal persona, a girl who will be loved instead of forgotten, she's now seen by the other characters as a girl to be saved, which invites unwanted attention, this attention being what is actually the exertion of force upon her autonomy.

what i imagine for the fic is a four-act structure. following the failures of angouleme in act 1, in act 2 through some... explosive circumstances that get out of hand, angouleme doesn't exactly fly under the radar in this merriment as she and regis kind of kick up a dust storm of trouble getting her a dress and horse-drawn carriage. there's no bippity-boppity-boo nothing here, so they use freely the strategies which bandits and vampires use.

(or instead of carriage, should i say, calèche, because i'd like another dracula reference here. by the way, just as regis has peak bartender energy, he also has peak uber driver energy. the kind where you get in, have the deepest conversation of your life, then get out. and rate 5 stars and give $5 tip. and never see that guy again).

so in act 3, when she finally gets to the ball and has her little #girlboss spotlight beloved moment where she's charismatically trying to get nobles to invest in her ponzi schemes (this is her character motivation all along... she wants a stable future ok so she is relying on inventing a new personality and scamming everyone into liking her), there's...

okay, i kind of didn't introduce the mild antagonists, but so basically, there's this club of beauclairoise noblemen who needed a hobby, so they became interested in paranormal collections and oddities... and since geralt was away, when the "hey i think a vampire just stole our horses" reports reached beauclair, these were the guys that were called. well, who you gonna call, i guess? maybe think of the witch hunter from good omens and his protege, but less aggressive and more clueless but arrogant all the same. they're comprised of three older gentlemen and one mmm... jarre-equivalent type of guy, young, around angouleme's age. i call these guys vampire hunters despite them having no experience hunting vampires

by the way also, in this introduction of them, i've brought this up slightly before, but regis' noble persona in beauclair (as they all had to assume fake identities, pretended to be nobility travelling incognito, remember)... ok he himself didn't actually come up with any script (with his experience he wanted to wing it this time) but his mysterious nature and constantly talking about the supernatural and his habits of dress, make rumors circulate that he is a vampire............ hunter. a vampire hunter. or at least, a retired one. and that's why he's in the company of the witcher geralt!

(beauclair nobility voice) "i fucking connected the dots" "you didn't connect shit" "i connected them". so the vampire hunters are like omg hi regis whats up you want to join our exclusive club of cool guys? and he's like um... ok lol. well. i'll participate in this conversation because it's funny lol. but i got my own things going on

anyways that's act 1 stuff. back to act 2. this 'crazy vampire shit has consequences' plotline is brewing underneath regis and angouleme doing said crazy vampire shit. switching POVs appropriately.

in act 3, angouleme, via making some awkward blunders (she got a little tipsy) gives them the "evidence" they need to scream "vampire" - except, they scream it in the wrong direction - at her.

cue the flight from the ball (of the cinderella story) and getting lost in the woods. after some moments spent lamenting, in fear, in regret, the two meet up and have the emotional resolution, heart-to-heart, about desperation to be someone else, fit in, be who people will love...

that kind of doesn't solve that guys are chasing them with stakes though. sooo there's a bit of an indulgent moment, for me maybe, here. regis is like: sooo, they want to fight a vampire... :D ok

angouleme is like "you're going to KILL THEM 😳☹️??? ... nice im watching this shit go down 🥺🍿." regis is like 😑 noooo...

they just scare them a little ;). it is saovine after all, and they are in the middle of some spooky, dark woods. as angouleme got her scene in act 3 charming the nobility, regis also gets a moment of excellence here.

i've played around with another joke here where the boy (blonde, grey eyes, big nose, skinny, freckles, hopeful and dreamy, but shy and anxious... i've been calling him jacek ig but i'm not set on a name yet) is the last to not get psychic-blasted or tormented by shadows or turned over on his feet out of being scared by voices in the dark ... idk what regis is doing to these guys lol...

jacek runs into angouleme and grabs her and is like "No No it's ok i'll save you i'll help you 🥺" and angouleme (to regis over his shoulder) is like 😬 making 'axe this guy' motions or eyes to him, but before regis smacks him into the fourth dimension or whatever, amidst his promises he's like "and we'll marry and you can share my fortune" and angouleme suddenly like waves her hands like 'no don't get him', mouthing exaggeratedly and pointing 'he has money' LOL idk. giving angouleme a love interest when she's not interested in love is funny. he's gone by the next installment anyways (engagement didn't work out)

so she allows him to try and 'save her from this infernal curse' and takes her (in the company of the other vampire hunters) back to beauclair, along the way they ponder over how clueless they are about this whole thing and how they don't actually know how to cure her (she's been sitting this entire ride with a garlic bulb in her mouth and her arms crossed, with jacek making big eyes at her but too scared to get close, holding a wooden stake between them lol). as they're approaching the foot of the city they realize oh shit there's an an entire guy we forgot about that knows so much about this

so they knock on regis' door and are like hey can you help us cure this girl of some Evil Vampire Affliction.. and regis and angouleme just look at each other like 😑😑 lol... anyways he kind of bats a laurel branch on her shoulders and flicks some holy water on her forehead and is like "all clear" and jacek is like yayyyy 🥺 and regis is like (gus from breaking bad smile drop meme) "but she might turn back if you get too close without brushing your teeth first ..." and angouleme (over shoulder) is like 😅👍👍 thx regis lol

so, all's well that ends well. friendship achieved, survived, fun and laughter was had and nobody died.

mmm, now onto 'book 2'... which is more of a tragedy. but i'll leave the story where it is for now :D maybe i'll continue in another post?

[volfoss]

3, 15, or 18 for erm thae witcher

oh i am about to be the biggest hater known to man im so sorry

to preface. i avoid the witcher tags for the most part because its me and my 3 witcher mutuals against the world and everyone has bad takes all the time otherwise. so i do not have a TON of experience w fanon there but i have explored it a few times.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

surprising amt of geralt is a nepo baby fanfics last time i checked the tag. i stay blissfully unaware a lot of the time w stuff. ACTUALLY. netflix witcher exclusive. when people are constantly talking about how geralt is such a good dad there when he has interacted w ciri maybe 3 times because they removed the really good bonding scenes from the books. i have to be a hater about it bc i think every other adaptation has handled their relationship better and i dont see the appeal of ohhh their found family (with geralt yennefer and ciri) in the shows. in the books yeah. but thats because they actually get time to spend together there. and they didnt make geralt suck as a character. also not on tumblr but the fucking team yenn team triss people on reddit. are we really going to ignore what triss did to that man?????

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

i dodge the tags like as much as i can but i feel a big thing is u can TELL what someone is consuming to be into this series because all netflix fanarts have been very um. weird about jaskier in a fetishizing gay men way (how they hc him not how i do etc). also sick of seeing 20 million fanarts where they completely erase every scar the characters have. if u draw geralt or ciri or even TRISS without their scars that are yk. supposed to be defining parts of their faces/character appearances i am blowing you up. stop yassifying grandpa please.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

there are two things that apply here imo:

1. the hexer adaptations. you guys just hate fun. in what world is an early 2000s short tv series that has the worst dragon cg due to a very small budget. it is one of the best adaptations of the first 2 books in terms of characters being in character and how they handle the source material. also outside of the one polish comic (the Betrayal/Zdrada issue of Prószyński i S-ka) it is the only adaptation to show geralt's past. it is also really fun with costuming too! they have a lot of clear inspiration but also like. objectively w their budget sometimes it looks bad. its charming to me tho and im SO sick of the netflix witcher hype. sorry #1 henry cavill hater for the role.

2. my BEST FRIEND angouleme. yeah she was only in 2 books but she is one of the characters of all time. to me she is such a good example of both geralts tendency to save people when he does not need to and how they will just let kids be so comfortable and safe around him. she is also just so fucking cool man and again w her being book only (for good reason but im dreading when those get adapted and people are weird about her) character i get why she doesn't get much hype but STILL. she is so fun she will see an insanely old vampire and be like hmm. nickname time for him. yes he could kill me but i stay silly about it.

[thewitcherstan]

For the prompts, how about Geralt walks in on Jaskier teaching Ciri how to dance and fluffy banter ensues? Involve a goat maybe? Maybe not. Either way thanks!

It’s rare that Geralt sees a smile on Ciri’s face. As the trio—that is, he, Jaskier, and Ciri—make their way to Kaer Morhen, for the most part, the atmosphere is tense, broken only the strumming of a lute and Jaskier’s nonstop chatter. Geralt sees it clearly for what it is: an attempt to get the traumatized girl to smile, and he’s thankful for the efforts.

God knows Geralt himself is no good at it.

He does his best to provide, because that’s what he’s best at. Maybe he’s never been warm or fuzzy, but he can at least make sure they have a fire to keep them warm at night and food to keep them going by day.

And sometimes, it’s enough. He catches a quirk of Ciri’s lips when he lights the fire, awe etched in her face when he lights an Igni. A small huff, just a ghost of laughter when Jaskier tries to hassle him into wearing some sort of ridiculous, brightly-colored apparel. A brightness in her eyes when she stops to pet the horses and goats who lean their heads over fences in the hope for an extra treat.

And when Geralt is away, he worries. How could he not? Tucked away as they are in an inn at he very edge of town, with Nilfgaard on their tail, there’s a tightness in his chest that never goes away. He makes quick work of his contracts, and he feels bad about how hard he pushes Roach back to the inn, but—he worries.

He’s not blind. He sees the ghosts that cling to Ciri, the ones that have her shaking in the middle of the night, reaching blindly for Geralt’s sleeve as she worms her way in between him and Jaskier for comfort. In the mornings, she’s up even before him, staring blankly at dying embers of the fire from the night before, and Geralt wonders what she was like before trauma sucked out her core.

Self-loathing and regret twist in his chest. You could have known, something reminds him. You could have been there for her from the beginning.

Geralt shakes the thought away. No use dwelling on it now.

He stables Roach, giving her a fresh apple in thanks and a promise to visit her later before making his way back to the inn. It’s late in the evening, and he expects to find Jaskier singing in the tavern for a little extra coin. The bard, however, is nowhere to be seen and unease pools in his chest.

Geralt never used to feel this level of paranoia. While hyper vigilance had been driven into him for obvious reasons, he’d never let it morph into paranoia—not until he had Jaskier and Ciri to protect.

He’s so caught up in his own unease that the peal of laughter that filters through the door of their shared room causes Geralt to stop short just outside of it. He waits a second, sure he’s misheard, but then another giggle sounds, followed closely by the much more familiar sound of Jaskier’s laugh.

Something inside of Geralt’s chest eases for the first time in what feels like months, and he slowly unlocks the door and opens it, hesitant to ruin the moment.

He needn’t have worried. Inside, he finds Ciri being lifted gracefully into the air by Jaskier, a joyful grin on her face as she’s set down and then twirls, only stumbling a little on the uneven floor. After a moment of confusion, understanding dawns on Geralt’s face. They’re dancing.

Ciri comes to a stop, and Jaskier bows low, taking her hand and placing a chaste kiss atop it, setting off another set of delighted giggles.

“You lead quite well, my lady,” Jaskier tells her, overly formal, and Ciri straightens, chin tilted up so confidently that Geralt can easily see the makings of a princess within her.

“Grandmother always said that if a lady is to be forced to dance, there’s no reason she shouldn’t be able to lead,” Ciri tells him, and Geralt snorts quietly. That sounds exactly like something Calanthe would say.

“A fine point,” Jaskier agrees before looking up at Geralt. “You’re back! Ciri here was just showing me some of her favorite dances, and I her. She only stood on my toes twice,” he teases.

Ciri throws him an indignant look. “Did not,” she says crossly, and Geralt looks away to hide the small smile pushing at the edge of his lips.

“Did, too,” Jaskier bites back, sticking out his tongue, and Geralt makes a show of rolling his eyes as he unslings his swords from his shoulders and rests them against the wall by his bed. Inwardly, though, he’s more than pleased by the change in atmosphere and the light in Ciri’s face.

“You’re insufferable,” Ciri tells him, and Jaskier gasps dramatically.

“You—how dare—Geralt, I’m not insufferable, am I?”

Geralt merely raises an eyebrow at him and smirks. Ciri plops onto her bed and gives Jaskier a smug look.

“You both are—just the worst. I try to share my invaluable knowledge of dance and this is how I’m repaid?” Jaskier practically pouts. Ciri just hugs a pillow to her chest and laughs into it while Geralt begins to shed his armor.

“Contract go well, then?” Jaskier eventually asks and Geralt hums, which Jaskier knows is the closest to a yes he’ll get. Later, he’ll pester the witcher for details, but for now, he simply gets up and begins to fill a bath for him.

Once it’s filled, Jaskier steps out from behind the screen to announce to Geralt that it’s ready but is stopped by the motion of Geralt pressing a finger to his lips, signaling for quiet.

“Wha—? Oh,” Jaskier breathes, warmth curling in his chest. Clearly worn out from the evening of dancing with Jaskier, more lively than she’s been since the fall of Cintra, Ciri is curled around her pillow, face slack with sleep.

Jaskier smiles fondly and walks over, gently moving her into a more comfortable position and drawing the blankets up around her.

“Sleep well, dear heart,” he says softly, making sure she’s completely settled. When he looks up, he finds Geralt staring straight at him with a look he can’t quite place.

“Everything alright?” Jaskier asks, and Geralt stares at him for another second before nodding. He glances down at the sleeping girl, and his face softens.

“You made her laugh,” Geralt says quietly.

Jaskier shrugs, as if it’s nothing. “She needed it.”

Geralt hums is agreement, looking at her for a moment longer before fixing his attention back on Jaskier, who’s now standing in front of him. Jaskier wraps his arms around Geralt and pulls him close.

“She’s going to be just fine,” Jaskier reassures him, and Geralt sighs.

He hadn’t been sure—not before. But now, having seen her eyes light up, a glimpse of the childish glow that used to live in her sparked by his bard’s contagious happiness, Geralt thinks that maybe she will be. All of them will.

She is a princess after all, and he’s pleased at the glimpse of Calanthe’s fiery personality he got to see within her, even if only for a moment.

“Thank you,” Geralt says quietly, pressing his forehead to Jaskier’s, and the bard sighs contentedly. Once the moment’s over, he pulls away with a wince.

“What’s wrong?” Geralt asks.

“You smell like monster guts,” Jaskier says bluntly, promptly shooing him towards the bath.

“Good. Means I did my job,” Geralt jokes, and Jaskier swats at him.

“Disgusting. You’re disgusting.”

Geralt rolls his eyes and turns away to get in the bath. And away from anyone else’s eyes, he, too, allows himself to smile.

[between-two-fandoms]

Hi so I realized Her Sweet Kiss plays in the background of the scene in episode 6 where Yennefer and Geralt have the sex in the tent and I'm just asdfghjkl.

[eileensdress]

Making wildly canon-indifferent guesses on TWNS3 based entirely on what I think would make TWN writers either viscerally uncomfortable or in the mood to plagiarize:

- Eskel gets revived bc “that wasnt me that was a doppler who took my form and I’ve actually been fine and just spent the winter alone and holy shit Geralt I’m so fucking sorry you had to kill me-“

- Jaskier canon bi

- Yen’s eyes arent purple anymore because regaining her magic post-deathless mother sapped them from her

- Geralt DOESNT name his new horse Roach

- Emhyr stabs Jaskier

- Lambert Has No Beard

- Extended Dijkstra Gwent sequence

- Jaskier tells Geralt he broke his heart in Caingorn and Geralt WANTS to talk about it

- Ciri’s eyebrows get even thicker

- Thruple Parenting Time Banter where Jaskier and Yennifer want to give Ciri the world and Geralt has to be like guys,,,,please

- Evil Jaskier gay villain arc :)

- Valdo Marx shows up and he turns out to be Jaskiers ex

- Cahir is kept alive but dies protecting Yen bc she protected him during their time in hiding

- The season finale is Emhyr and Geralt standing on opposite sides of Cintra’s throne room and calling to Ciri like she’s a puppy

- Tissaia dies confessing that she loved Yenefer as more than a student

- Filavandrel and Geralt have a weird conversation about being dads and having relatively homicidal female co-parents

- Triss’ wig goes back to S1 hair (the superior wig between the two, lets be honest here)

- They kill off Vesimir because it’s a l w a y s Geralt Must Suffer Hours and for literally no other reason

- They entirely dismiss the idea of other Witcher schools and say explicitly that the Wolves are the only school ever to exist (they’ve borderline done this at this point already, might as well just fucking say it.)

- Regis shows up and they kill him off before he gets to have any sort of personality or banter with Geralt

- They FINALLY purchase better contacts for poor fucking Henry Cavill

- Extended fight scene where Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri all fight to save Jaskier

- Dara helps out Ciri and her three parents begrudgingly because he recognizes Jaskier as the Sandpiper and feels like he owes him which is how Geralt discovers Jaskier is the Sandpiper and holy shit, Jask, you’ve been single-handedly smuggling elves to Cintra for months???? What the fuck???

-Ciri gets trapped between spheres trying to do her fancy little teleportation thing and the rest of the episode slowly morphs into the episode of the Simpsons where Homer gets stuck in 3D

-Fringilla ends up getting Cahir out of Cintra using the last bit of chaos she can muster before she dies in order to try to get a message to Yennifer or Geralt to try and help protect Ciri

-Jaskier KISSES either Yen or Geralt and then it's played off as a massive joke because the writers constantly do him so dirty

-They recreate that one scene from Batman forever where Geralt has to choose between either Ciri or Yennifer OR Ciri or Jaskier and he pulls the fucking thing and tries to save them both

[rebrandedbard]

Geraskefer AU idea: White Christmas!

I was inspired by the scene in White Christmas where Wallace and Davis are getting dressed and Davis is talking about trying to hook Wallace up with a girl, Wallace complaining all the while how he doesn’t need it and it all coming across very gay in an, “I’m married to you my work,” kind of way.

Ciri’s studying theater outside of Geralt and Jaskier’s act, trying to work her way up on her own and partners with Yennefer in a duo act. That’s how Geralt and Jaskier meet Yen in the “Sisters” number. Jaskier and Ciri are conspiring to get Geralt and Yen together, and Geralt’s sitting there pining for Jaskier but getting along well with this new, lovely woman. Enter the musical number with either Jaskier and Yen dancing to “The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing” and they hit it off while he’s trying to talk Geralt up to her, or cute number with Jaskier and Ciri dancing like father and daughter (cuz you know she sees him as another father, she knows.)

Geralt and Yen bond in Vermont while Jaskier and Ciri continue conspiring, but now Julian Alfred ‘Bi Panic’ Pankratz is starting to feel conflicted. He set Geralt up with Yen so he might stop pining over his show biz partner, but he’s also sad to see them getting along so well because he’s caught feelings for both of them. Enter the ‘Mandy’ dance number. Ciri singing about there being a minister handy as she dances arm in arm with her two dads, pulls out two rings and slips them into their hands (she has a cute dance with her new crush Dara). Then we go to the evening scene where Yen gets up and has a snack with Geralt. Both of them panicking because either thinks the other is already with Jaskier. A lot of dumbassery all around.

Anyway, had to pause the movie here to make this post because I’m dying.

[cowbpy]

Witcher Fics I Want

this is jaskier x geralt by the way. i couldn't sleep so i came up with these instead.

Skating AU

Jaskier is a figure skater and Geralt is a hockey player. Geralt plays for “the Witchers”. The two groups fight for ice time a lot. 

High School Teachers AU

Jaskier teacher choir or art. Geralt teaches History or Chemistry. All their students call them mom and dad. Ciri is their favorite. She is too smart for her classes so she hangs out with them after school and during lunch. They are oblivious and ciri is like “omg just kiss already!”

Pride and Prejudice AU

Its just pride and prejudice, but Jaskier is Lizzie and Geralt is Darcy. Geralt is emotionally constipated and cant handle his feelings so hes a dick instead. Basically just follows the plot of the book/movie and geralt proposes and gets turned down until he fixes himself. Georgiana is ciri she helps geralt win back jaskier.

Princess Bride AU

Jaskier is Buttercup and Geralt is wesley. Follows the movie kinda. Geralt is “killed” by the witcher then comes back pretending to be that to save jaskier from marriage to a shitty prince (valdo marx???).

The Little Mermaid AU

Jaskier is Ariel and Geralt is Eric. Jaskier is a mermaid who loves to watch people but some drowners (or ther water monster idk) is in the area he likes to watch and geralt gets knocked out saving jaskier who in turn saves him. He makes a deal to give up his voice to have legs so he can travel with geralt. Yennefer is Ursula i guess,,, idk.

Aladdin AU

Jaskier is Jasmine and Geralt is Aladdin. Jaskier hates being stuck in the palace and having to act like a royal. He sneaks out and geralt helps him escape some guard so he can play his lute in a market or something. Geralt is in love but doesnt think a prince would fall for him so he uses a potion or magic or something (yennefer helps??) to change his hair color and disguise himself as a prince. Takes jaskier for a ride on roach idk.

Falsettos AU

This is based off of falsettos the musical. Geralt and Yen divorce and geralt leaves to live with jaskier, but hes still trying to have a relationship with ciri and yen. I think triss would be marvin cause gay is always better. This doesnt have to be an exact copy of the story, but just an inspiration.

Theater AU

This would just be a one shot lol. i just think it would be funny. Jaskier is the lead actor and geralt is on crew. thats it lol.

Coffee Shop AU

Jaskier works as a barista at a little cafe and falls for the guy (geralt) who always come in and sits in the corner reading and only orders a plain black coffee. Jaskier is a gay disaster and his coworkers know it.

Disney World AU

Geralt brings ciri to disney world for a weekend and Jaskier is playing her favorite prince (idk which one just pick) and they go and visit him everyday they go.

Drag Queen AU

Jaskier is a drag queen at a club (goes by dandelion or buttercup) and geralt is the bouncer/security. Someone gives jaskier a hard time outside f the club after closing and geralt saves him and walks him home.

Public Transport Musician AU

Geralt takes the subway everyday and jaskier is always playing in the station. One time he gets on the train with geralt and they talk. Jaskier shares that on weekends he plays at a club and geralt goes and sees him.

Self Defense Lessons AU

Jaskier moves to a big city or something and wants to take self defense lessons and geralt is the instructor. Jaskier can not handle geralt pinning him down and straddling him.

Neighbors AU

Jaskier and Geralt live next to eachother in an apartment building. Jaskier is always knocking and asking for extra flower or help fixing something. At first geralt hates it but it becomes endearing and then one day geralt asks jaskier for help with something and thats when they get together. Yen and Triss live across the hallway and laugh as it goes down.

Mandalorian/Star Wars AU

Geralt is apart of a bounty hunter clan (the mandalorians/witchers) and is supposed to find a child and deliver it to some bad people (its ciri/baby yoda) but doesnt and adopts her. Jaskier come in at some point idk how tho.

Gym Training AU

Trans!Jaskier wants to get buff so he passes better and gets trained by geralt. thats it.

Role Reversal AU

Jaskier is a witcher (he still has a smaller frame. I think hes more of an assassin and more stealth based.) and Geralt is a moody musician (i dont think he sings) Somehow geralt gets tied up with one of jaskiers hits and that how they end up travelling together. Jaskier is jealous that geralt is still huge and jacked despite being a musician.

Gender Bend AU

I just want a big muscly lesbian geralt. Jaskier is a cottage core lesbian. otherwise nothing changes.

You’ve Got Mail AU

Jaskier owns a smaller bookstore thats going to be swallowed up by witcher co. books. Just follows the movie plot. I read a really good youve got mail au fic a long time ago and i want more.

Fake Relationship AU

This is honestly my favorite au and ive yet to see it in the witcher fics. Jaskier lied to his family that hes in a relationship so that theyd stop trying to set him up, but they come to visit so he has to get Geralt to pretend to be his boyfriend. or Jaskier gets a chance to go to a resort or on a cruise and play for the guests but its a married couples only thing so he brings geralt along and they have to pretend to be a happy married couple. Triss and Yen are there and onto them the whole time.

Soulmate AU

i havent seen any witcher fics with a classic soulmate au. there is plenty to pick from. One could be matching birthmarks and jaskier ( or geralt) figures out that the other has the matching birthmark but is scared to tell cause “witchers cant feel”

Mechanic AU

Jaskier keeps “accidentally” breaking things so the hot mechanic will come fix it.

Circus AU

geralt is a strong man or “beast” tamer and jaskier is some artsy shit idk. Concept: jaskier is a trapeze artist and he sings while he does it so hes the “song bird”. Yen can be a fortune teller or some shit.

PLEASE let me know if you right a fic going off of these or if you find one similar to one of them that youd think id like. Im shit at writing myself, but im a pretty ok editor so let me know if you need a beta reader

[corvo-bianco-lilacs]

If you're still taking prompts can you write something about adult Ciri asking advice on dating girls from aunt Hoothoot, in modern times?

😍😍😍😍

YES!

-------

Ciri had called her aunt earlier that day, prepared herself to ask the questions that only she could answer, and then hyped herself up for their lunch together. Honestly, she wasn't sure what to expect from her parents, especially Yennefer, but she knew her aunt Philippa could answer her questions for her.

She gnawed at her lip, her anxiousness apparent on her face as it shimmered in her eyes. She fidgeted with the hem of her 'Lamb of God' t-shirt and bounced her leg. The waiting was going to give her a heart attack.

"Hey sweetie! I hope you weren't wait for me too long." Phil spoke, leaning down to peck her niece's cheek before stepping over to the other chair and sitting down.

"Nah, not too long." Ciri smiled, taking a sip of her Dr. Pepper. "How are you? How was work?"

"Sweetie, my day can wait." Phil smiled, pausing to request a sweet red from the waitress as she came by. "What's wrong? You never call out of the blue like you did today." She noted, reaching across the table to rest her hand on Ciri's arm. "Do you wanna talk about it here?"

Ciri glanced around before shaking her head no, a slight flush of embarrassment covering her cheeks as she ducked her head.

"Alright, we won't hun. We'll eat and then take a walk... How does that sound?"

"Could we..." Ciri coughed to clear the small lump in her throat. "Could we go back to your house?"

Seeing the panic on her baby girl's face was all the coaxing Phil needed. She immediately agreed to Ciri's request, drawing a soft sigh of relief from the young woman. The pair ate their lunch in comfortable silence, only breaking it with occasional bits of conversation that passed between them. Once finished, the pair made their way to Phil's car and drove to her house, made their way inside, the lounged on the couch.

"Your aunt Sheala won't be home for another hour or so." Phil offered, handing Ciri a cup of her favorite tea: chamomile. "We've got plenty of time for this question of yours."

Ciri alowly traced the rim of her mug as Phil reclined across the couch from her. Ciri took a sip from her cup before setting it down on the coaster on the table. She turned her attention to her ahnt, who gazed back at her with a soft smile.

"How did you know that you were... Well, that you liked women?"

"How did I know I was a lesbian?" Phil questioned with a chuckle. "Hmm... Probably when I first met Triss."

"Triss?"

"An old lover of mine. We went to college together and, well, we wanted to experiment a little."

"Really?" Ciri asked, eyes wide. "Does aunt Sheala know about her?"

"Know about her? Darling, we had a few threesomes together." Phil countered, taking a sip of water. "Besides the point. Triss was my way of breaking out of my shell that I had been in. Sure, J still had a few romps with men, but they were few and far between."

"So you mostly dated women?"

"Of course. I'd always classified myself as bisexual, but then I eventually stopped sleeping with men all together." Phil shrugged, stretching a bit. "Having a penis was the only thing they had going for them."

Ciri couldn't help but laugh, especially since her aunt very rarely used any kind of filter around her, much to the dismay of her mother.

"Besides, when all the men I had slept with had an orgasm before I did, I knew I had to look elsewhere for my pleasure."

"And that's where Triss came in?"

"Exactly." Phil nodded, leaning back against the sofa. "Gods, the things we did together..."

"Yeah, I don't need a picture." Ciri grimaced, a shiver of diagust running through her body as she stared at her smiling aunt.

"So, are you asking because you think you like women?"

"I... I think so."

"But you've been dating Cahir for so long, dear... What happened? Did you break up?"

"Yeah... I found out he had been cheating on me."

Phil would have committed a felony if it wasn't for the fact that her niece was so calm about it. She watched Ciri for a moment as she got this wistful look in her eyes before it disappeared a moment later.

"I guess it's for the best, ya know? I mean, why should I be faithful to someone like that?"

"You shouldn't be." Phil replied, her voice a low rumble in her throat as she clenched and un-clenched her fist. "And were it not illegal, I'd make sure he paid for breaking your heart."

"I'm not upset about it anymore... I'm ready to move on, auntie Phil."

"And what better way than by hopping over to the other team!" Phil replied with a wink, sending her niece into a new fit of giggles. "So who's the lucky girl you have your eyes on?"

"Her name is Cerys. Aunt Phil, she's absolutely gorgeous! She has this beautiful red hair, piercing brown eyes, and stands just a few inches shorter than me. She's so perfect!" Ciri breathed, a look of pure passion in her eyes.

"And you two aren't dating yet because...?"

"One word... Mom." Ciri replied, her head falling back against the sofa. "I haven't even mentioned the possibility of being gay to her, let alone that I have a crush on another woman."

"Hmm... Would you like me to talk to her?"

"No... Dad says I should handle personal conversations on my own. Uncle Vesemir says it builds good interpersonal communication skills. I think he's too old fashioned and full of crap."

"Well, he is right about communication skills. However, perhaps speaking up to your mother would be easier of someone were there with you."

"I'll think about it..." Ciri sighed, a defeated breath rolling past ger lips. She looked back up a moment later with a slight glint in her eyes. "Will you tell me how you and aunt Sheala hooked up?"

"Oh will I!" Phil replied, immediately loosing herself in the story of how she and Sheala had met.

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

Tell me about ur urself, ur day and ur dreams :) Fic and song recs? Also fuck marry kill: Jaskier, Geralt and Yennefer. (I'm sorry if this is too many qns 😅 u don't have to answer any of them if u wish)

Ohhh 🥺👉👈 this is alot of questions! Aaaa don't be sorry I love it!

I'm 19!

I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm an English major.

Beyond The Witcher, my favorite shows are The Umbrella Academy (which I still need to finish s2 of =-=) and Tales of Arcadia!

My favorite character in The Witcher is Jaskier, and my non-witcher favorite character is either Klaus Hargreeves or Hisirdoux Casperan

mini m&ms > regular m&ms imo

My favorite bands rn are The Amazing Devil and Queen! My favorite solo singer is Shawn Mendes :>

I have two cats named Susie and Joey (no joey is not named after joey batey)

My favorite movie rn is The Man From U.N.C.L.E (2015)

My favorite book right now is Seraphina by Rachel Hartman (I still need to read the sequel!)

My day has been okay! I finished an essay I was very stressed about and now I just gotta revise/edit it later :3

My dreams...

I really want to be a novelist/author some day. I want to make readers feel the same passion for a story as other books have made me feel. The thought of writing a printed, binded, published book and holding it in my hands is rlly motivating!

I wanna live in a lovely place with my future wife someday 🥺

Fic Recs!

Fly off the Handle by GonEwiththeWolveS is an amazing Jaskier whump fic! The descriptions... the hurt... the comfort... It's truly Immaculate.

Give Me Nothing, Give Me You by dls, on the other hand, is delightful tooth-rotting fluff! I haven't caught up with it completely, but it's a cute modern!AU where Geralt is a single dad to a little Ciri, and Jaskier is her kindergarten teacher! It's wonderful.

Song recs!

"Here Comes The End" by Gerard Way

"Love of my Life" by Queen

"Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier

"Farewell Wanderlust" by The Amazing Devil

"I'm Still Standing" by Elton John

"A Kind of Magic" by Queen

"Sunlight" by Hozier

"Piano Man" by Billie Joel

"SING" by My Chemical Romance

"Movement" by Hozier

"Fair by The Amazing Devil

Fuck, Marry, Kill... YOU GAVE ME SUCH HARD OPTIONS ANON ;-;

Fuck - Yennefer. Me Big Lesbian. I would like to smooch her and hold her hand. She make me... 😳💖

Marry: Well, since I can't put yen again.. Jaskier. I would platonically marry that fun bisexual bard for tax purposes. It would be a vibe.

Kill: Geralt. I'm sorryyyy 😭😭😭 I HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS but I'd end up dead if I tried... oops

This was so fun!!! Thanks for sending it!!

It's Anon Honesty Hour, Girls and Gays

[chipchopclipclop]

Any ships for the Witcher?

I GOT ALOT

this WAS under a readmore BC TUMBLR LIKES TO BREAK WHEN YOU EDIT ASKS I GUESS bc it started to get embarrassingly long but im pretty much a multi shipper in any fandom or thing im into but also especially with geralt if hes involved bc i like to hc him as being in love with like…80 percent of the people he knows and is a hashtag #openrelationship king bc the way this game treats him being weirdly exclusive annoys the fuck out of me we, live in our city now.

geralt is involved

Geralt/Dandelion - ouch my dick ouch my balls the original brain dick pounding. I pretty much like any iteration of them with each other but no show geralt bc game geralt is superior in every way 2 me (PERSONAL PREF PLS NO FLAME (him with no beard is fucked up also)) i usually dont like the pair though if people depict dandy as some… naive pure waif or some such��. this man is a hoe and stupid through and through dont overlook this. its important.

I am also actually am a sucker for geralt singing his praises quietly fr no goddamn reason aside from hes infatuated with him and getting weirdly defensive about him and everyone else around him is just like. Christ. this is influenced by me never being able to pick the bully options when i was playing w3 ( i am whipped)

Geralt/Eskel/Lambert - soon as i knew they were more wolf witchers my brain entered a state of superflux. which means i followed them around making mooney eyes constantly, Im more fond of Geralt/Eskel leg of this ot3 bc they have such. old married couple energy and i am in love with Eskel but i love and respect our king lambert as well and he deserves a good ramming, DONT WE ALL? I REST MY CASE.

i also like to think like geralt, the two are pretty open relationship wise by nature tho i could say this about any of these characters bc i like poly hawhaw but something about witchers being seen as unemotional and unfeeling but these guys just having alot of love to give to each other and with others…poetry 😔

Geralt/Yennefer - i have complicated feelings on this pairing bc the show confounded me in how it happened and then it felt so faking weird in w3 bc of all the weird jealousy love triangle stuff i was forced to sit through as well as yen p much just calling me a dumbass donkey every hour before being like alright. time to fuck randomly. and it was executed bad. i didn’t like it and it was bad.

BUT. the potential here is still good and i like a cagey yennefer who finds it hard to trust opening up more slowly to geralt bc hes just like. straightforward…. i think their convo on the boat was kind of cute too… i think i just am really not into the THEY’RE TIED BY DESTINY TO EACH OTHER. LIKE. LITERALLY. aspect of their relationship especially when they seem to clash to hard against it. when she broke the wish with the djinn though and they were acting sweet with each other it made me kinda 🥺 uhu…. my goth wife….

i also dont mind these two deciding they work better together platonically as well though and being like, chummy exes lolol the ribbing that would entail…

Geralt/Yennefer/Dandelion - i think aqua gave me the idea for this but i am tickled by the thought of Dandelion landing himself TWO powerful beau’s who will step in to defend him from the stupid shite he gets himself into 24/7. Yennefer walking in front of him while he gets cussed out by someone just saying “Is there a problem?” smiling menacingly… does that not fuck…. i say it does !

i think her and dandelion’s relationship is just…..very funny and not dramatic so its very fun to think about even romantically. and also geralt is there and plays the beleaguered straight man.

Geralt/Regis - i am putting this here even if i have not finished blood and wine yet bc oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddddddd [smacks head with rock] also my first interaction with w3 was watching a friend play one of his quests with another friend and and all three of us go mad bc we were like IS THIS MEANT TO BE DRIPPING WITH SEXUAL TENSION AND INNUENDO. WHAT IS GOING ON. ARE WE LOSING IT. HELLO. we all deserve a big word speaking vampire boyfriend

Keira/Geralt - they are cute…. i dont need to defend myself….her being so pompous around him is so funny 2 me

Geralt/Zoltan - i like zoltan okay, actually these two have similar retired dad energy but zoltan is the one who makes them go out for date night still

Geralt/Zoltan/Dandelion - i am thinking about it i am thinking about it

edit: Yennefer/Eskel/Geralt/Lambert - poki put this idea in my head just now GEE YENNEFER HOW COME YOUR MOM LETS YOU SMASH THREE WITCHERS?

not geralt centric

Triss/Yennefer - oh my god they were schoolmates.png and yenn calling triss her best friend made me go hmmmghhh 🥺 also im sick of this series being like oh no my best friend slept with my boyfriend, DRAMA! they are also dating okay shut up #lovewins, i need to intake more witcher content to further solidify these two as a pair in my head but its on the agenda. i am looking. i am watching. WAITING.

Eskel/Dandelion - take my faves and smack them together like barbie dolls also dandelion having a type thats just - witcher is comedy gold on top of that? eskel being flattered a pretty dude like this is into him…cute

Ciri/That One Readhead Girl Whose Name I Forgot - you know in the quest where ciri asks you to come around with her in novigrad and help thank the people who helped her and one was the cute barmaid with freckles, they were so cute what the fuck it lasted all of 5 minutes and i cant stop thinking about it, ciri’s government assigned girlfriend (i am the government)

Regis/Dandelion - when i was walking around his sick basement in w3 he had a book that dandelion has written about him in there… and all it said was nice things… and regis kept it in clear view? much to consider… thinking on this….

Priscilla/Dandelion - these two…surprisingly wholesome… also god i love bards. i dont think about the end of the quest where she gets owned for no reason they’re just faking chilling in novigrad making bank. ALSO i still cant believe these two dont come with you when you’re forming the avengers crew to defend kaer morhen how r they gonna write about it if they arent there !!!!!!! let them sit in the rafters and throw bombs conspiratorially !!!!! smh !!!!!

Priscilla/Yennefer - think pris having a hero crush on yennefer is very cute… she meets her for the first time and her thoughts r just oh god shes even prettier than the song said she was [brain explodes into mush] also her singing about her when geralt rocks up dare i say gay activity ?

Keira/Lambert - find it very funny w3 was like ‘and then keira decided to pick up lambert to roam around with her like he’s some weird fucking stray cat whos hair she likes to fuss over’ also lambert being forced to behave around her scholarly friends lmfao

Dandelion/Everyone okay - this man be fucking

[thearvariblues]

The Bard and The Wolf - Chapter Two

(AKA Geraskier in the Metal Band AU you didn’t know you needed)

The second chapter of my Fic That Was Supposed To Be Short But Definitely Won’t Be. You can also find it on AO3, if you want! :)

The masterpost for this fic can be found HERE.

2 – Breathe, Buttercup

Silence fell when he walked into the Kaer Morhen’s rehearsal room, and he immediately started to question his choice of clothes.

Yes, he was wearing the same tight black pants as he did the last time. But he’d rummaged through his wardrobe and found a V-neck black T-shirt and a long black vest to go with it (and it might have been a ladies’ vest, but he quite honestly didn’t care), and also a pair of heavy leather boots he used to wear when he was sixteen. His eyes were framed by black eyeliner, and he couldn’t resist putting a little bit of lip gloss on his lips.

He was convinced he looked stunning, until he saw all the band members staring at him.

God, was he trying too hard? Come on, those were metalheads, he clearly wasn’t one of them, why was he even…

And Geralt’s face was completely blank, Christ, but his amber eyes went a little wider. Was it disapproval? It had to be disapproval.

Luckily for Jaskier, someone decided to speak before his anxious brain could force him to turn on his heel and run.

“Oh, wow,” Renfri said. “You look gorgeous, buttercup.”

“Uhm,” Jaskier blinked, his racing mind coming to a sudden stop. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Lambert grinned. “Definitely looks much better than the pink shirt you were wearing last time.”

“That was magenta, not pink,” Jaskier said automatically.

“Right,” Lambert laughed. “As if there’s any difference.”

“Well, actually...” Jaskier started, but then Geralt smirked.

“Actually, there’s a massive difference, according to Ciri,” he said. “When I said I wasn’t sure if the pink shirt would fit our image, she rolled her eyes and said Jeez, dad, that was MAGENTA. I got a bit lost after that, so I don’t know what exactly the difference is, sorry.”

“Honestly, I don’t really need the explanation. He was pink. He’s not pink anymore. That’s good enough for me,” Lambert said.

“Ciri’s gonna be disappointed, though,” Renfri commented. “She was so looking forward to taking you shopping to find you something proper to wear...”

“She still can. I mean, those are my only black clothes,” Jaskier smirked, gesturing to his attire. “And it took me ages to dig out that T-shirt. Also, there definitely isn’t any mysterious hole on the back I had to cover with the vest, oh, no. And I have literally no proper accessories, except for the boots, and they’re like twelve years old.”

“Well, look who’s taking his new role as a metal singer very seriously,” Eskel nodded. “I’m starting to be glad Geralt insisted on giving you the chance.”

“I think that’s enough,” Geralt said, shooting Eskel a seemingly warning glance. “We should start.”

“Oh, good. Are we gonna introduce ourselves like we’re in school?” Eskel smirked. “Name, instrument, favorite drink...”

“No need,” Jaskier said. “I mean… For names and positions. Eskel, drums. Renfri, guitar. Lambert, bass.”

“And how do you know that?” Lambert said, cocking his eyebrow.

“I’m least likely to have sex with you. So you have to be the bassist, obviously,” Jaskier shrugged.

“And since he knows the lyrics to White Wolf, he’s obviously seen us play live before, Sherlock,” Renfri grinned. “Just out of curiosity, who are you most likely to have sex with?”

“A gentleman doesn’t tell, darling.”

“Is it Geralt?”

“Enough,” Geralt growled. “I wasn’t even going to say we should introduce–”

“I think Jaskier should definitely introduce himself,” Eskel said. “We should have more information about him before we decide whether we want him in the band or not.”

“Right. Sure,” Jaskier nodded. “It’s fair. So, my name is Jaskier, as you all know. Yes, technically it’s a stage name, but it’s also the name I prefer. I like fine wine, fine music, fine… company.”

“If this is the way you’re trying to tell us you’re gay...” Lambert smirked.

“Bisexual, in fact,” Jaskier smiled. “Pansexual, technically speaking.”

“Cool,” Lambert nodded. “I mean, that’s fine. Renfri and Geralt swing both ways, too, you know.”

“You really don’t know when you should keep your mouth shut, do you, Lambert?” Geralt sighed. “Please. I am trying to get somewhere here…”

“Can you play any instruments besides the guitar, Jaskier?” Lambert went on.

“Yeah, I mean, of course. I can play many instruments, really, really badly,” Jaskier grinned. “But I can definitely play the piano. And keyboards, of course. Also violin. Guitar, piano and violin are the only ones I play good enough to be able to teach them. Oh, and I can play the lute, of course, how could I forget!”

“Oh dear God, he can play the lute,” Lambert sighed. “I mean, of course he can, he’s a bard, after all, but still…”

“Just out of curiosity, what do you do for a living, Jaskier?” Eskel asked.

“I, uhm, teach music?” Jaskier replied, biting his lip. “There’s several people I tutor, and of course I am also a lecturer at the local university. Uhm. I didn’t mean of course, of course, I mean I happen to be a lecturer...”

“Breathe, buttercup,” Renfri said, clasping his shoulder. “Nobody’s judging you. Right, guys?”

“Sure not,” Eskel smiled. “So… you have a degree?”

Jaskier bit his lip.

“Yeah. Yeah. That’s right. A degree.”

“Jaskier?” Renfri said, lifting her eyebrows.

“It might be more of a doctorate,” Jaskier muttered. “In music education.”

“But that’s awesome!” Renfri beamed. “Finally someone who could teach Lambert to keep the rhythm!”

“Ha ha, Renfri, ha ha,” Lambert snorted. “Or he could teach you more than four chords, eh?”

“Nah, I don’t need more than three, usually,” she shrugged. “Right, Geralt?”

“Maybe you will, now,” Geralt smirked. “If Jaskier decides to become our songwriter, too.”

“Oh, I could?” Jaskier said, turning to Geralt with his eyes sparkling. “I mean, you don’t have a songwriter?”

“Yen wrote most of our lyrics, and we made the music together as a band,” Geralt sighed. “I’m not the best with words.”

“No shit,” Lambert smirked.

“Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, boy, I’m gonna have a field day here. Oh, yes, baby, this is Jaskier’s time to shine!”

“Aaand you’ve just released the beast,” Eskel chuckled.

“I’m gonna write you so many great songs!” Jaskier laughed.

“Right. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Geralt said. “Before you do that, we need–”

“Renfri, honey, you’re gonna need way more than three chords, I assure you. But don’t worry, I’m a great tutor! I’m only gonna beat you a little.”

“Jaskier,” Geralt sighed, trying hard to stifle a laugh.

“Oh, my dear hearts, I’m everything you’ve been waiting for! I’m gonna–”

“Jaskier.”

Jaskier’s speech came to a sudden hslt, and the bard shut his eyes firmly and bit his lower lip.

“Geralt?” he peeped.

“Before you do all that,” Geralt smiled, “we need you to try and play a few songs with us. All right?”

“Yeah. Of course, of course,” Jaskier nodded vehemently. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, of course. You may yet find that I am just a shitty folk singer, completely unfit for your epic… metal… songs. Right. For the record, you do have lyrics for your songs somewhere, right? Because though I really love Song of the White Wolf, I’m afraid I really don’t know your other songs that much, and...”

As Jaskier was rambling, Geralt’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He checked the screen. A text from Ciri.

So… Are you keeping him? it said.

Geralt looked at the bard, who was currently talking about the importance of singers knowing their lyrics even in their sleep, and smiled as he typed the reply.

He’s an idiot.

Is that a yes, dad?

Geralt chuckled.

It’s a yes.

*

Jaskier accepted a glass of alcohol from Renfri’s hand. He was a quick learner, because he didn’t even think about asking what exactly was in it.

“So. I don’t want to sound too eager, but...”

“You’re in,” Geralt said. “If you want.”

Jaskier stopped with his glass halfway up to his lips. Those were currently too busy grinning to be able to drink at the same time.

“Seriously?” he asked. “You’re not kidding, right? It’s not some kind of a horrible, cruel joke? Valdo Marx isn’t gonna jump up from behind the couch and laugh at me for believing I could be a part of Kaer Morhen?”

“You’re really in,” Geralt answered him. “And no, we are not going to slap a wig on you and pretend you’re Yennefer, either.”

“Good. That’s good. I don’t really think I could pull that off. So… What now?”

“Now we keep practicing,” Geralt said. “For the Battle of the Bands, you mean?”

“More like for the gig next week,” Renfri muttered.

“A gig next what?!” Jaskier exclaimed. “You’ve gotta be kidding me! You’re expecting me to be able to sing a gig with you next week?”

“Relax. It’s a short one. Only thirty minutes,” Eskel said in a vain attempt to sound encouraging.

Jaskier raised his hand and put it firmly on his chest.

“Right. Only thirty minutes. Oh, dear. I’m having a heart attack. I’m dying. You are expecting me to learn… I mean, there’s just no way...”

“Come on. You’re a clever guy, aren’t you?” Lambert smirked.

“Next week. Next week...” Jaskier groaned.

“Don’t panic, buttercup. It’s gonna be fine,” Renfri said, clasping his shoulder. “We can meet tomorrow and keep practicing.”

“No, not tomorrow,” Geralt shook his head. He was the only one to have the decency to look somewhat apologetic. “I’m playing D&D tomorrow, and if I cancel it again, Vesemir’s gonna find me and skin me alive.”

“Oh, that’s just great!” Jaskier said, spreading his arms wide. “The fate of the band is at stake, we desperately need to practice, but the lead singer… Wait. Did you say D&D?”

*

And that was how Jaskier ended up sitting in a living room of a guy called Vesemir (an old friend of Geralt’s, apparently) the next afternoon, being introduced to a bunch of new players who also decided to join the campaign.

“I’m not really new,” he explained to Vesemir. “I just… kinda used to play with the guys from my former band, and since we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now, I’m looking for a new group, that’s all.”

���Great. Less explaining for me then,” Vesemir nodded. “Now, about your character...”

“Oh, yes, a very surprising choice,” Geralt muttered. “A human bard named Jaskier, who would have guessed.”

“Oh, look who’s talking, witcher,” Jaskier growled.

“My god,” Vesemir laughed. “Now, this is going to be interesting.”

“What is going to be interesting?” Geralt asked, rolling a dice in his fingers.

“Nothing, nothing. If you’re ready, gentlemen, we could start. Our story begins in a little village called Posada...”

*

“Good, you’ve passed the perception check, so… As you are threatening the sylvan, you suddenly realize there’s someone standing behind you. What do you do now?”

“I turn around and defend myself, what do you think?” Geralt growled and rolled the dice.

“One. Oh, great job,” Jaskier sighed.

“Shut up, Jaskier. I’m not the one who’s been unconscious for the past five minutes!”

“Yes, my poor eighteen-year-old baby bard got knocked out, that’s why he needed the mighty witcher to protect him!”

“Well, that didn’t really work,” Vesemir smirked. “Geralt, the last thing you see is a fist heading straight for your face. And then everything goes black.”

“That’s what you deserve for rolling a fucking one.”

“I really hate you, Jaskier.”

*

“I want to break the bard’s lute,” said the guy playing one of the elves. Jaskier didn’t remember his name, but he’d just started to hate the guy.

“No, not the lute! Not the lute!” he yelled.

“Why exactly do you want to break his lute?” Vesemir asked the guy.

“Because I hate humans?” the elf replied.

“Fair enough,” Vesemir shrugged. “No, you don’t need to roll for that. In your anger, you break the lute in half, much to the bard’s displeasure.”

“Displeasure? Displeasure?!” Jaskier growled. “This isn’t just displeasure. I’m gonna murder you.”

“You realize it’s not a real lute, don’t you?” Geralt muttered.

“Of course. I would tear anyone who would try to touch my real lute to pieces. But a lute is a lute. You don’t just destroy lutes, not even fictional ones!”

“He just really loves lutes,” Geralt explained to Vesemir.

“You don’t say,” the man replied. “Geralt, what do you do now?”

“I try to convince the elves to leave the bard alone. Apparently,” Geralt sighed when Jaskier looked at him with big, blue puppy eyes.

“Oh, thank you, thank you. Fucking finally!” Jaskier clapped his hands. “Now, just don’t screw the… Aaand it’s a one again.”

“Jaskier, I’m really starting to regret taking you here...”

*

Some thirty minutes later, the game had ended and the “elves” had left the apartment. Jaskier wasn’t convinced they would be coming back. They seemed like the types who only wanted to try playing, and trying once was more than enough for them. But Jaskier definitely was coming back. If Geralt didn’t mind.

“Right,” he grinned when he realized Geralt wasn’t about to get up and leave any time soon. “Thanks for the magic lute, I guess.”

“Who said it was magical?” Vesemir smirked.

“I’ve told you I wasn’t a newbie. I know how these things work. That lute is definitely magical.”

“Geralt, seriously,” Vesemir laughed. “Where did you find this guy?”

“On the pavement in front of our rehearsal room,” Geralt said. “His band just kicked him out and he desperately needed a drink.”

Vesemir’s eyes narrowed.

“Geralt?” he muttered.

“All right,” Geralt sighed. “Jaskier, this is Vesemir. He’s kind of… our band’s manager.”

“Not kind of,” Vesemir said. “Geralt. Talk.”

“Yennefer’s left the band. Yes, again. For good, this time.”

“Oh, great. And you were going to tell me when?”

“Right now, as you can see. I mean… hear.”

“Awesome. So Jaskier here is…”

“Our new singer.”

Jaskier raised his eyebrows. Oh, boy, was Geralt really starting to seem scared of this guy?

“Geralt, I’ve already told you,” Vesemir sighed. “You can’t choose new band members by picking up random weird kids from the street!”

“Why not? That’s how we got Renfri after Coën left.”

“You mean Renfri, who hadn’t even held the guitar in her hand before she joined the band?”

“She got good, though, didn’t she?” Geralt grinned.

“So what about you, eh?” Vesemir said and turned to Jaskier. “Can you sing, or do you just look pretty?”

Jaskier smirked and took a deep breath.

“When a humble bard...” he sang softly. “Graced a ride along… With Geralt of Rivia… Along came this… song...”

“Yeah,” Geralt smirked. “He can sing, but also play and write lyrics and music.”

“No, that’s too good to be true,” Vesemir shook his head. “After all these years, you’ve finally found someone who can do that? Well, welcome on board, kid!”

“I’m not really a kid,” Jaskier commented. “And about that lute…”

“Yes, yes,” Vesemir nodded. “It’s definitely magical.”

“Yes! I knew it!”

*

The next day, at four PM, Jaskier was doing his very best to try and ignore Ciri, who was busily buzzing around him with her phone’s camera pointing in his direction.

“Just act natural,” Geralt said, for the fifth time in the past ten minutes. “Focus on the guitar and pretend to sing.”

“I’m trying,” Jaskier growled. “Why are we doing this, anyway? I mean, I know, you want my photo for the post about me becoming the new singer, but can’t you just use an older pic of me?”

“Shut up and play,” Lambert sighed. “Though I still think we should take a photo of you both, Geralt. Our two singers.”

“That’s not happening,” Geralt’s husky voice rasped and Jaskier lost his concentration once again.

“Why not?” he asked. “We’ve got such a good chemistry together, and I’m just… me. I’m telling you, Geralt, if you only post me, it’s gonna be a horrible shitstorm.”

“I agree with Jaskier,” Ciri said. “You should definitely be in the pic with him.”

“No,” Geralt growled. “Just play. We have been here for an hour already.”

“Twenty minutes,” Renfri said and reached for her own guitar. “And only because you’re a stubborn cock. Hey, buttercup. Teach me that song, what was it called? The Fishmonger’s daughter?”

A huge smile spread across Jaskier’s face as his fingers started to dance on the strings.

“Oh, fishmonger, oh, fishmonger, come quell your daughter’s hunger,” he singed softly. “To pull on my horn as it rises in the morn. For ‘tis naught but bad luck–”

“And I’ve got it,” Ciri announced. “What do you think, Renfri?”

“That our buttercup looks absolutely adorable,” the guitarist smiled, looking over her shoulder. “Good job, Ciri. Now we only need to write the post.”

“Great,” Lambert commented. “That’s gonna be a piece of cake, isn’t it?”

Continue with Chapter Three

[thewitcherstan]

Prompt where Geralt leaves Jaskier in charge of Ciri and when he comes back its just... Chaos?

To be fair, Geralt should have known better than to leave Jaskier and Ciri to their own devices for any longer than a day.

But he couldn’t very well have them distracting him while he hunted down a drowner. The last time Jaskier had accompanied him on such a hunt, they’d both nearly died, if only because Jaskier simply can’t seem to shut up, even when faced with what would be most people’s worse nightmares.

So yeah, with Ciri now tagging along with them and as curious as ever, Geralt figured it’d be safer for everyone to leave them both at the inn for a couple of days. He left Jaskier in charge with a stern, “Don’t let her wander off.”

Jaskier had given him a mock-salute. “But of course not.”

“And don’t get anyone knocked up while I’m gone. We have enough to deal with without you buttering the wrong.... biscuits.”

“Aw, Geralt, euphemisms sound so crass when you use them.” At Geralt’s responding glare, Jaskier had given him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “Besides, my faith lies with you and you only, my dear.”

“Great,” Geralt had responded, not feeling at all reassured.

A sentiment which he finds is completely justified upon his return, when he hears a mixture of shouting and cheering as he approaches the dingy tavern a couple evenings later.

He walks into the tavern and is somehow entirely unsurprised to find a crowd surrounding Ciri and Jaskier, who are facing off two large men bearing swords, one holding a ridiculously colorful coin bag which Geralt immediately recognizes as Jaskier’s, a purchase Jaskier had insisted was essential.

If they weren’t in immediate danger, the picture before him would be rather amusing. Ciri, with the dagger Geralt had given her to use until they arrive at Kaer Morhen, where he can finally start her formal swordsmanship training, and Jaskier, looking reluctant but ready to swing his lute.

Geralt swiftly pushes his way through the crowd, crossing his arms sternly.

“I believe that doesn’t belong to you,” Geralt grits out to the man holding the bag, and the man laughs.

“Oh, yeah? What’s it you? I think we’re all owed a little compensation after listening to this bloody banshee wail for three days straight,” he sneers, gesturing to Jaskier, and Geralt feels a low growl building in his chest.

“Just because you don’t have any qualities useful enough to earn you money doesn’t mean—”

Geralt closes his eyes for a second. Jesus. “Fiona,” he grits out to Ciri. “Quiet.”

She huffs, but closes her mouth. Her dagger, he notices, is still raised threateningly, just as he’d taught her, and he can’t help but feel a rush of pride. He turns his attention back to the two men.

“Hand over the bag and leave,” he orders, and they laugh.

“Oh no, witcher. That wasn’t part of the deal, you see,” the first man says, and Geralt shoots Jaskier a look.

“Deal?”

“Little Miss Princess and your side bitch here agreed to a duel for the money. We win, we get to keep it.”

Geralt shoots them an incredulous look, and they both shrug sheepishly. This, he thinks exasperatedly. This is why I always traveled alone.

“Great. I’m on their team,” Geralt announces.

“Ah, but three against one isn’t fair play, witcher!” one of the men protests.

Geralt quirks an eyebrow at them before turning to Jaskier and Ciri. “Fiona. Out.”

“What!” she protests, enraged, and Geralt barely resists the urge to sigh. So much for keeping a low profile.

“Fiona, dear heart, why don’t you sit this one out?” Jaskier says soothingly. “I’d rather like to have this all settled quickly.”

“I can handle myself better than you can,” Ciri mutters, too low for anyone but Jaskier and Geralt’s witcher hearing to pick up.

Exactly, Geralt thinks. And no one can know that.

She cringes when she meets Geralt’s stern gaze and sighs, lowering her dagger and stepping out of immediate danger, and Geralt can’t help the wave of relief that washes over him. She, at least, is safe for now.

He turns back to the men. “Great. Now we’re even.” Geralt feels a sense of grim satisfaction at hearing how their heartbeats speed up in fear.

“Whatever. Time to exterminate this witcher scum, yeah?” the man says to their gathered audience. There are a handful of cheers, but for the most part, everyone is waiting with baited breath. Tired of playing, Geralt pushes himself in front of Jaskier, and swiftly makes the first move.

From there, the time passes quickly, Geralt dancing forward and back, swinging his sword in smooth arcs and sharp jabs, opting to disarm the men rather than kill them altogether. As much as he’d admittedly like to, he refuses to commit needless murder in front of Ciri, who has seen way too much of it for a lifetime.

Within minutes, both men are incapacitated, and Geralt snatches up the bag of coin, jabbing the unconscious man viciously despite himself. That, he thinks, is for threatening my bard and my kid.

Geralt straightens up and glares at the people around him. “Get these men out of here,” he growls out to no one in particular. He turns to Ciri and Jaskier. “You two. Upstairs.”

His face must say a lot, because for once, they shuffle out in front of him without protest. Geralt snatches a tankard of ale up before following them. He figures he’ll need it.

They make their way upstairs and Ciri and Jaskier quickly make their way inside, sitting on the edge of Geralt and Jaskier’s bed while Geralt stands in front of them.

“Jaskier, what the fuck were you thinking?”

“Oh, I see,” Jaskier huffs, offended. “Just assume it’s all my fault, Geralt.”

“You’re the adult,” Geralt says, trying not to roll his eyes. “It is your fault.”

“Actually, it really isn’t his fault,” Ciri cuts in.

“Ciri, he’s right—”

“When those men took his bag, I was the one who challenged them to a duel.”

This time, Geralt really does sigh. “Why.”

It’s more of a statement than a question.

She shrugs. “To be fair, they looked like they’d lose against a gust of wind, so I really wasn’t all that worried,” she tells him.

“You can’t afford to not be worried!” Geralt snaps. “You don’t have the training to not rely on your abilities, and using them in the open could literally mean life or death for you right now.”

Her face falls a bit, and Geralt immediately feels a rush of guilt, though he stands by the sentiment. But looking at these two reckless, beloved idiots sitting before him, his chest aches at the thought of something happening to them.

He takes a deep breath and moves forward, crouching in front of her. He tentatively takes her hands into his, knowing that, just like Jaskier, Ciri responds best to touch and kind words, though not to the same degree as the bard.

It is a softness he’d scorn in anyone else. But he loves these two for it.

“Ciri,” Geralt starts, trying to get his words right this time. “You know as well as anyone that this world does not take kindly to people like us. Powerful people. We cannot afford to be reckless. I know this is difficult, but I made a promise to your grandmother, and to you. We will reach our destination shortly, and then I promise, you will have more freedom. Do you understand?”

She looks down at him and sags, all traces of playfulness leaving her face. For a moment, she looks like a lost, terrified child—and, really, she is—but then her face hardens in an echo of Queen Calanthe’s fierceness and nods.

“I understand,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry, Geralt.”

He squeezes her hand gently before reaching up to tenderly brush her hair out of her face.

“Go wash up while Jaskier and I talk,” he tells her kindly, getting to his feet again. She gets up and darts around him, grabbing his ale and taking a swig.

He reaches out to swat at her, but she darts away with a laugh, all at once the picture of a playful kid again. Jaskier shakes his head as she disappears into the washroom.

“That’s what you get for always letting her sip from your tankard,” he says pointedly. “She likes the stuff a bit too much, yeah?”

“You really think the daughter of Calanthe has never tasted beer before?” Geralt asks him, raising an eyebrow.

“Good point,” Jaskier admits. For a moment, there’s silence, and then Jaskier slumps. “Alright, go ahead. Lay into me.”

Geralt studies him for a moment, watching him squirm. “I’m not mad,” he says eventually.

“You’re—wait, what?” Jaskier says incredulously.

“Do you want me to be?” Geralt asks, amused.

“Well, no,” Jaskier sputters. “But I thought you were furious, what with the whole grouchy, ‘You. Upstairs,’ bit and the fact that we challenged some big scary men to a duel.”

Geralt tilts his head. “Annoyed, maybe. But not mad. You and Ciri are still healthy and in one piece. You did as I asked. Those men were shitbags, you couldn’t have stopped that.”

Jaskier sighs in relief, happy that Geralt isn’t furious with him. He tugs Geralt down onto the bed next to him, placing his head on the witcher’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry about Ciri. The duel,” he mutters into the crook of Geralt’s neck, listening to Geralt’s answering rumble of laughter.

“It was hardly a duel. You two really probably would have gotten by without my help,” Geralt comments.

“Yes, but I was rather hoping to avoid harm to my lute,” Jaskier admits.

“Shit, I definitely shouldn’t have stepped in then,” Geralt jokes.

“Geralt!” Jaskier whines. “Don’t be rude.”

“Can’t help it. It’s my default,” he says as Jaskier falls fully into his lap. “Tired?”

“Mmmm,” Jaskier replies sleepily. “Hard work keeping a child alive.”

“Think of how I must feel. I have to keep two alive.”

“Shhhh,” Jaskier says, too tired to be properly offended. Besides, he knows Geralt loves taking care of them. “Sleepy.”

“Rest, then. Long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“‘Night, Geralt,” Jaskier slurs tiredly.

The witcher runs a gentle hand through his hair, sitting back and allowing himself to relax.

Trying to parent his wild Child Surprise alongside his bard, who has just as much of a penchant for mischief as their child, is a lot of work sometimes, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[between-two-fandoms]

Ciri just wants her two dads to be gay and happy so when Yennifer shows up the first time Ciri sees Jaskier's distrust in the mage.

(You know, the distrust Geralt pointedly ignored? Yeah, that one.)

Once Ciri sees Yennifer using dark magic Ciri sides with Jaskier.

Geralt kicks Yennifer's ass out the door.

It takes a while but Ciri finally sees Jaskier's smile back as he starts to play happier music.

She also sees a lot more than kissing whenever she accidentally walks into Geralt's and Jaskier's room without warning.

[ao3feed-geralt-jaskier]

by RandomNerd3

Jaskier has spent the better part of the decade avoiding his past. Now, he can't resist Aslan's roar as the Lion calls him home.

Temporary description!

Chapter two won't be up until after Geraskier Week 2020!

Words: 2257, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Witcher (TV), Chronicles of Narnia (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen, M/M

Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Peter Pevensie, Susan Pevensie, Edmund Pevensie, Lucy Pevensie, Aslan, Jadis | The White Witch, Original Non-Human Character(s), Narnians, Caspian (Narnia)

Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Peter Pevensie & Jaskier | Dandelion, Susan Pevensie & Jaskier | Dandelion, Edmund Pevensie & Jaskier | Dandelion, Lucy Pevensie & Jaskier | Dandelion, Jadis | The White Witch & Jaskier |Dandelion, Aslan & Jaskier | Dandelion, Everyone & Everyone

Additional Tags: Telmar, Golden Age, Post-S1, season one spoilers, but not really cause I'm ignoring everything in season one, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier angst, edmund angst, everyone has some angsts, Soft!Geralt, Protective!Geralt, Badass!Jaskier, Narnian!Jaskier, Magic!Jaskier, Destiny is a hoe, King!Jaskier, Jaskier used to go by Julian when he was in Narnia, Julian Pevensie, Gay dads being gay dads, Yennefer hate at first then Geralt warms up to her, She is Ciri's mom, Torture, Jaskier has PTSD, Edmund has PTSD, A lot of characters have PTSD, Jadis is a bitch, Narnia is magic, Nilfgaard, Magical Creatures, Monsters, Monster hunts, Jaskier Centeric, Jaskier's past, Flashbacks, Memories, cursed!Jaskier, Ice Age - Freeform, Ice Castles, this is not frozen, What's cannon?, Author ignores the first season, Spoilers for first season, Ciri finds Geralt, jaskier sings music

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

ok so. idk who OP is and a LOT of things in this video struck me as....EXTREMELY off, ESPECIALLY re: Jaskier  and kind of pitting gay fans AGAINST femme and BIPOC fans (though I might think differently with more context)  but...

other things DO really make sense- i mostly got into The Witcher THROUGH the fandom, and was always kind of, for lack of a better word, bothered by the fact that I could not form a cohesive mental picture of Yennefer despite her being one of the main characters (as in, I literally had no idea that her actress is brown until I watched this). That thing about her being the most popular character to come out of modern fandom if she were a cis white man is.... So Deeply Fucking True. whatever other red flags this video sets off for me, that ALONE makes me wonder if my own biases are making me suspicious of OP’s intentions otherwise.

if OP, anyone who knows/follows OP or has just BEEN in this fandom longer would like to talk to me (not talk AT me) , I would appreciate it.

I guess my only other thoughts here are

 1) people think of Jaskier as ANYthing but a grimy bastard boi? I thought we  liked him bc he’s obnoxious and noisy and just a Messy Little Weird Man. 

2) ....I thought the “witcher trio” was Geralt, Jaskier AND Yennefer- and then Ciri is their KID. like fanonwise it’s “the wticher trio of adults their kid”/” Ciri has a mom and two dads” 

hey i made a video about the witcher fandom being bad and you should watch n reblog it thanks x

[locatie]

2019 Gaming Year in Review

This year I beat 21 games! Last year I beat 38, but this year was a little rough on me in many ways, and I had to go a few months without really committing to anything.

I’m going to go through my list of games and jot down a few thoughts I had about them! Spoilers ahead, naturally.

Rating System:

5⭐: An absolute favorite! A game that’s going to stick with me for a long time. Regardless of any flaws I found, I fell deeply in love with these games. 4⭐: A pretty good game! I really enjoyed my time with these ones. They’re not quite perfect, maybe a few story beats or mechanics I couldn’t jive with, but I did still love these as well. 3⭐: A decent game! I didn’t fall in love with these games and the good and bad felt fairly equal. I don’t regret playing these games, but they had a lot of room for improvement. 2⭐: A bleh game. Most of these games were very ‘miss’ rather than ‘hit’ for me. Good concepts are probably buried in these ones, but I struggled to get through them. 1⭐: A terrible game. There is very little about these games that I find redeeming. I probably played them wishing they’d be done already. That I finished them at all is a miracle.

In order of when I beat them, starting with the beginning of the year:

Gris by Nomada Studio

4⭐

A visually gorgeous game. The mechanics were satisfying and made puzzle solving enjoyable, and I adored ‘unlocking’ the colors of the world to restore it to its former beauty. The game only got more beautiful as time went on, and the level design was very memorable to me. Also the soundtrack is one of the best of all the games I played this year, and I keep it on repeat a lot.

Best Part: The art in general. A treat to look at, and it makes for the best desktop wallpapers. Worst Part: The ambiguity in narrative. It’s not too bad, I just wish there was a little more to it.

Pokemon Let’s Go Eevee by Game Freak

4⭐

Despite this feeling like the millionth time they’ve focused on the Kanto region, and the blatant baiting of nostalgia, I appreciated this game. I’m a sucker for having my Pokemon follow me or being able to ride them. Much more accessible than going back and replaying the original R/B/Y games, which I can’t seem to enjoy anymore due to the QOL features that newer games have, so if I ever have a craving for Kanto, this will satisfy me. Not the best Pokemon game though just because Kanto was a pretty boring region visually and they stayed true to that, haha.

Best Part: Pokemon following the player! Riding Arcanine was a blast. Worst Part: Being in Kanto again. Really wish it was Gold/Silver for the double Johto/Kanto region thing, because Kanto alone just isn’t worth it.

Kingdom Hearts Final Mix by Square Enix

3⭐

I liked this game a lot as a kid and was interested to see how I would feel about it as an adult. It’s... something. There’s something always very off when JRPG localized dialogue is voiced -- it’s extremely cheesy to listen to in English, and this game is no exception. Still, I enjoy the sheer absurdity that is mashing up Disney and Final Fantasy characters anyway. The platforming is not remotely fun at all and the story is ridiculous, sometimes not in a good way. Thank god for skippable cutscenes or I wouldn’t have survived the end of this game.

Best Part: The creativity of the worlds. It was such a unique and ambitious concept for its time. Worst Part: The dialogue/story. This might be the only JRPG where the whole ‘friendship makes us stronger’ angle makes me want to strangle a fictional child.

Dear Esther by The Chinese Room

2⭐

I do enjoy walking simulators, but apparently not ones by The Chinese Room. Not as bad as Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture, but still...not very enjoyable. I couldn’t seem to process what was going on as it was narrated to me -- I liked how it was written, and I was interested in hearing it, but I dunno. It meant nothing to me. I might replay it and try to grasp it again, really focus on it, but as it was presented to me on the first playthrough, it didn’t grab me. This is what I get for expecting something really good of a game where I wander around aimlessly for a couple hours

Best Part: The writing style is really neat and I enjoyed reading along and being fascinated by the prose. Worst Part: The ambiguity of the narrative. what the fuck is happening. why am i in a cave. who was that i just saw

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey by Ubisoft

4⭐

Not the first AC game I’ve ever played, but the first I liked enough to beat! It’s essentially an action rpg more than ever -- stealth is completely unnecessary if you so choose. I loved Kassandra so, so much, and exploring Greece was extremely fun for me! It was gorgeous and I often found myself wandering around towns and cities, soaking in the sights and feeling pretty dang immersed. I haven’t played the DLC yet but hope to some day. Not a perfect game -- while a lot of side quests are fun, the charm wears off after a while because the gameplay loop of sneaking in and murdering everyone got stale finally after 50 hours. Still, I’d love to go back and replay it some time.

Best Part: Kassandra. Everything about her. I would die for her. Also Greece in its entirety. Worst Part: Every goddamn time Deimos opened his mouth.

Rose of Winter by Pillow Fight

3⭐

A pretty cute but simple visual novel! I liked the protagonist quite a bit and a couple of the romances, but I wished it was longer/more fleshed out. I liked the universe it took place in and the concepts it presented (time travel! Race relations/the variety in cultures!) and would’ve happily played a longer game about these things. The romances leaving me wanting more was a good and bad thing, in the end.

Best Part: The protag! I love this chubby pink-haired knight! She is SO cute and lovely. Worst Part: Lack of depth in the romances. I like drawn-out romances, and these take place over the course of a couple days, and that’s not my bag.

Celeste by Matt Makes Games Inc.

4⭐

My review on this game is a little skewed. I was very bad at it, in the end, and very tired of dying literally hundreds of times in some areas that I had to give myself extra dashes. I had to keep toggling them on and off after giving myself a certain number of tries, because I really wanted to see how this game would play out. The gameplay and design and soundtrack give it the score it has, but the writing it was knocks it down from being a 5 star game. The concept of the story is good! Madeline wanting to reach the top of the mountain for her personal reasons was really lovely but the delivery of it felt very flat. The writing itself didn’t do it justice for me! I only ever see people talk about the gameplay itself and not the story/writing and maybe that’s why.

Best Part: The fact that the developers added accessibility options to people who aren’t very skilled at games, like me, can enjoy a game like this, even if we’re not playing “as intended.” Worst Part: Madeline’s reflection. As a narrative device she’s good, but the dialogue between the two characters was kinda mehhh to me.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt by CD Projekt

5⭐

There’s nothing I can say about this game that a million other people haven’t already said. I loved dad!Geralt. I loved Geralt in general. I did enjoy the first two games but who he was as a character in this game was my favorite. Yennefer was also great, as was Ciri, and the family dynamics were The Best. Also probably the best side quests in any rpg I’ve ever played! None of that radiant quest bullshit or fetch quest nonsense that pad a lot of other WRPGs I’ve been into :/ I still need to finish Blood and Wine, but so far it’s incredible, as was Hearts of Stone. Ugh I have so much to say about how much I loved the music, and Skellige, and Novigrad (Novigrad is one of the best video game cities as a worldbuilding device, imo), but I’ll keep this all brief. Don’t like Gwent at all though!!

Best Part: The entire portion of the game where you have to be a Good Dad or else you get a bad ending. Worst Part: The fact that Iorveth and the entire Scoia’tael subplot was cut entirely yet Roche got to stick around. I hate Roche. Iorveth was way better. Bring back my boy.

Persona 5 by Atlus

5⭐

holy shit. I haven’t beaten a JRPG this good in so long. This game changed what I want out of a JRPG. The soundtrack is phenomenal, the design of everything is impossibly stylish and I never got sick of any of it in the 96 hours it took me to beat the game. I adore Joker, Yusuke, Haru, and Ryuji as characters!! I don’t really care for Akechi and Shido as villains, but the proper final battle was very tense for me and the cutscene that followed felt so good. BIG GUN. Sometimes the palaces were a little tedious, and it took me a really long time to actually finish the game from when I started, because I needed big breaks after chunks of the game, but once I got into the swing of it after Makoto’s introduction as a Phantom Thief and that palace, I was pretty sucked in.

I will never forget my desperate struggle to max my stats by aggressively eating giant burgers until the endgame.

Best Part: The entire ‘student daily life sim’ portion. Managing my time and my relationships was very fun and I loved getting closer to my friends and choosing where to go, how to spend my time. Worst Part: The occasional sexism and homophobia that I had to sit through. Giving Ann agency after the first palace, but then trying to convince her to get naked really sucked, and then those two predatory gay men. Ugh. Oh and Ryuji looking at Ann’s boobs all the time. Seriously? are you for real??

Nier: Automata by PlatinumGames

4⭐

I waffled between giving this 4 or 5 stars, but I think 4 is right. I adored this game to bits, but admittedly didn’t do everything in it that I wanted to. I loved the world, the music, most of the characters, the combat, and that fucking ending. I didn’t like Adam and Eve (their dialogue...was so dumb...), and I was a little eh on route B, since it’s a lot of the same as route A, just from 9S’s perspective. At first I thought it was asking a lot to make me essentially do all the same shit over again, but when everything started changing in the third route, that’s when I was getting really invested. I mean I was already loving it during the first route, I was just slightly skeptical about having to replay a lot of the same things.

Ending E fucked me up though. Hearing Weight of the World didn’t hurt me until that ending, after all I’d been through, and then accepting help and hearing the chorus of voices. Ugh. No ending has ever been like that in a game for me.

Best Part: Sacrificing my data to help some stranger out there, because people do want to help. Humanity can be good. The message that there is worth in having feelings and being alive and real and loving. Worst Part: we really out here sexualizing 2B and looking at her panties a lot, huh.

Spyro 2: Ripto’s Rage (Reignited Trilogy) by Toys For Bob

4⭐

This is the Spyro game I played the most of as a kid, and this remaster is incredible. All of the Reignited Trilogy makes the Spyro games look the way that I felt they did when I was a child. Seriously, it’s gorgeous and I can’t believe how true to the originals it is. I had a blast playing this one; it doesn’t get 5 stars, though, because I wouldn’t say this is like a ‘favorite’ game or anything. It’s wonderful, but not mindblowing.

Best Part: Getting to run around the hub worlds and drinking them in -- they’re where I spent hours as a child, and that nostalgic really got to me. Worst Part: the fucking TIMED FLYING PORTIONS

Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon (Reignited Trilogy) by Toys For Bob

4⭐

I was really excited to play this one because I didn’t get to beat it as a kid, and it was impossible to emulate because every rom of it didn’t work. Not as good as Ripto’s Rage to me, personally, because I didn’t love the levels where I was the penguin or the monkey. There were a lot of gimmicks, so to speak, in this game that I could do without. Skateboarding didn’t add anything to the experience either, ehh. Still, 4 stars because what Toys For Bob did with the trilogy is amazing and it made me wish games there had been more Spyro games that were like this.

Best Part: I finally got to beat this game after so long and it felt like a childhood wish of mine came true. Worst Part: I never want to be that stupid monkey ever again. Most of these side characters do not feel like they belong in a Spyro game, even though I know they were just trying to innovate the formula.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses by Intelligent Systems and Koei Tecmo

5⭐

Ohhh my god. I was nervous about another mainline Fire Emblem game, ever since Fates burned me pretty badly with how much I hated that game. Three Houses gave me nearly everything I wanted out of a Fire Emblem game, thankfully. No stupid explanation for offspring, no wasted dialogue between characters that didn’t need to have supports! I fell in love with so many of the NPCs and while the story isn’t perfect, it was a blast to go through and see the multiple sides to the conflict.

I went Golden Deer first and watched most of Amy’s playthrough of Blue Lions. I was in the middle of a Black Eagles run when I got a little burnt out and put it down, but I’m super excited to eventually see what Edelgard’s side of the story is, seeing as I don’t like her in the other routes but I’m shrimpterested in what her possible justification for anything is. Can’t wait for more story DLC whenever it happens!

Best Part: The support dialogues between characters. Also Claude von Riegan, destroyer of racism. Worst Part: the fact that there’s barely any time between Dimitri finally being nice to Byleth and the end of the Blue Lions route. he’s such a growly ass for so long.

Genital Jousting by Free Lives

2⭐

Obviously this game is a self-aware joke and isn’t meant to be much. The reason it got 2 stars instead of 1 is because I played it at a time that I really needed a laugh. I streamed it for my friend and for a while I was happily distracted by the story mode, even if it mostly involves hopelessly sticking my dick head into butts. The narration gave me Stanley Parable vibes, which was amusing, but yeah. Obviously this wasn’t gonna be some game of the year shit

Best Part: Playing with friends and yelling “GET OUT OF MY BUTT” at the top of your lungs. Worst Part: You can only enjoy sticking your dick in butts for so long before you don’t wanna do it anymore

I Love You, Colonel Sanders! by Psyop

1⭐

Yes, I am ranking this game as worse than a game about wiggly dicks. I didn’t have any hopes or expectations for this game, as it was always obviously meant to be a giant advertisement for KFC food, but that’s not even the part that bothered me. I didn’t care or mind the blatant product placement, the millions of mentions of all their herbs and spices and their gross bowls of corn, potato, and whatever.

I was so damn disappointed because it just wasn’t a good visual novel. I spent the whole time comparing it to Hatoful Boyfriend, which is an actually good parody of the entire genre. ILYCS felt more like “ha ha see how fucking weird dating sims are?? See how stupid and absurd the things that happen in them are?” rather than any kind of remotely interesting subversion on the genre. I don’t know why I expected that ILYCS would bother to do that, but I figured if a pigeon dating sim could surprise me, maybe this would too. Bleh.

Best Part: I did succeed in making Colonel Sanders love me, at least. Worst Part: Literally everything else.

The Outer Worlds by Obsidian Entertainment

4⭐

I’m giving this 4 stars, but this game gives me conflicted feelings. I love the companions in this game a lot, but some of them do have slightly disappointing arcs -- Ellie comes to mind for that one. The writing for the dialogue is great, but some of the main quests are just OK. The flaw system is really cool in theory, but I definitely didn’t think of them were worth the perk points, though they’re great if you’re serious about roleplaying.

I did have a lot of fun, but the ending felt very abrupt to me. I got to Phineas and we spoke for a minute, and then the credits rolled. And capitalism sure was bad! That was very heavy-handed. I enjoyed my time with it a lot but I am not itching to replay it. If there’s a sequel, though, I will definitely be on board with it.

Best Part: The dialogue options. They’re so fucking funny. Obsidian is the champion of snarky/witty dialogue. Worst Part: The ending made me the leader when I didn’t really feel prepared for that, I didn’t feel like that was the narrative I built for my character. The ending came at me so fast, it felt wrong.

Tyranny by Obsidian Entertainment

4⭐

If nothing else, Outer Worlds made me crave more of Obsidian’s writing flavor. This is the first CRPG I’ve ever committed to and beaten, and I do not regret that choice. I had tried to play it before but stopped very early on because it’s a lot of reading -- the entire opening has you do so much reading to make choices to kind of build your character’s backstory.

I loved playing a bad guy and accumulating power. My character was so loyal to Tunon and I loved the active development I got to have as someone who was so devoted to being a cog in the machine to someone who realized that they are special, they can be a conqueror, they can shape the world however they want. I know it’s possible to undermine all the bad guys and use your power for good, but eh, this is a game about being bad! It’s wonderful! And it was just long/short enough that it was great for someone just getting into CRPGs.

But. Like Outer Worlds, the ending felt rushed in Tyranny, though in an even more egregious way. Just as the story starts truly kicking off -- you have all this power, I had succeeded in making my superiors bow to me -- the game ends. It seems as though they ran out of time or money to have you actually face off against Kyros, the obvious next step in your plan for domination of whatever flavor. Maybe it was always the plan that taking down the Overlord was sequel material, but the way they built it up, it doesn’t feel right. And the game didn’t do well enough, or so I’ve read, so there will never be a face-off against her. I had such a good time with this game, but the ending left a real sour taste in my mouth.

Best Part: Really feeling like I had earned the power I got by endgame, by ‘playing’ the system. Defeating Tunon by manipulating him into bowing to me had me on edge and I was terrified until I walked out of his room. Worst Part: Knowing I will probably never get a resolution for the fight against Kyros. Really felt like all the cool stuff I did meant nothing.

Pokemon Shield by Game Freak

3⭐

Biiig mixed feelings about this one. I know Pokemon games are not known for their storytelling prowess, but even this one felt insultingly stupid to me. I know they can be good and interesting and posit cool concepts based on the worlds they’ve built. I didn’t like the gameplay of Black/White but I guess since that one tackled the ethics of Pokemon, Game Freak doesn’t want to try making any more challenging storylines.

The world also felt so empty. I never really noticed it in older Pokemon games, but SwSh has all these houses and no one has anything interesting to say. The NPCs aren’t worth talking to except when they give you items. Problems like that are common in Pokemon but I really hoped that bringing it to a home console meant that the game could be bigger and more full of content. The post game is almost nonexistent. For the first time ever, I don’t feel compelled to play long enough to complete my dex.

Best Part: The Wild Area, and doing raid battles with Amy. Playing alongside her and battling together was fun, and it was nice to cut down on the time it would’ve normally taken us to grind. Worst Part: Hop, Leon, and Bede. Worst characters in any Pokemon game, hands down.

Pillars of Eternity by Obsidian Entertainment

5⭐

I had initially tried this game out last year or so, but couldn’t get into it. Beating Tyranny finally made me feel able to tackle this one, and I’m so glad I gave it another chance. For most of the game I was meticulous and did almost all of the side quests, and I felt extremely rewarded by the narrative for doing so. Most of the companions were a joy to be around, and the lore of the world really drew me in.

Thanks to PoE, I think a whole new world and genre of games has opened up to me! But I’ll always feel like this is the first one I really loved.

Best Part: Eder!!! Ok also the themes of the game, especially in White March. Almost a month later I’m still thinking about the meaning to some parts of the game. Worst Part: That part in White March part 2 with the debate I couldn’t win. I understand why it was like that, I didn’t hate it or anything. Just the prerequisites to get the good outcome are bananas and there’s NO way I could possibly get the “good” ending of that dlc without following a guide WAY ahead of time. Oh well!

Katamari Damacy Reroll by BANDAI NAMCO Entertainment

2⭐

I didn’t play the first game when it came out. Instead I played the sequel, and that’s the game I have fond memories of, so unfortunately I spent this remake wishing they’d remade that one instead. The controls are more frustrating than I remember, and the level design is kind of meh. I do like that the town gets bigger with (almost) every level, until you’re rolling up adjacent towns and cities, but it wasn’t as fun as the paper crane level or the flower level or the zoo level of We Love Katamari :/ I absolutely pushed myself through this one as fast as possible, no replaying levels for the fun of it.

Best Part: The creativity and absurdity of Katamari as a whole. Rolling around a little Japanese town and finding very Japanese items is fun. Worst Part: The controls. Trying to climb up things is a nightmare and I ran out of time during some levels purely because it was so difficult to climb sometimes.

A Plague Tale: Innocence by Asobo Studio

3⭐

I didn’t know a whole lot about this game going in. I didn’t think the narrative was as incredible and resonating as reviews led me to believe, but it was alright. The first half of the game was very interesting to me -- the perspective of children running away from the Inquisition during the plague was exciting and I feared for these children as they never seemed to be able to get a moment of rest. I did like that Amicia and Hugo needed to build their bond from scratch, and it was full of missteps that I could understand children would make.

However as soon as things got supernatural wrt Hugo’s blood, then I felt like it lost a little bit of the charm for me. I liked the ‘found family in an unforgiving world’ aspects, but then suddenly blood powers happened and the vibe of the narrative changed. Oh well.

Best Part: The progression of power in the game. At first I felt very nervous when sneaking was the only option I had, as I am bad at stealth, but then gradually being able to kill people with my sling and solve puzzles with fire and light and being nearly unstoppable was really cool. I felt like I had earned Amicia’s strength. Worst Part: Hugo’s RAT POWERS and that final boss. just. what.

Untitled Goose Game by House House

2⭐

I wanted to close out the year with something fun and short, but I didn’t expect just how short this game would be. Although, ngl, if it were any longer I think I might’ve gotten rather tired of it anyway. The memes and whatnot that Goose Game gave the internet were worth more to me than the game itself. $20 for roughly an hour of gameplay just feels... bleh. I don’t even normally believe in that whole “$1 per hour of gameplay” stuff that many gamers like to throw around, but this felt like a rip-off. Still, it’s kinda fun to be a wretched little goose.

Best Part: Being a naughty little goose is cute and amusing, and bullying that Griffin McElroy looking boy into the phone booth is the highlight of my experience. Worst Part: It’s a hilarious concept but I don’t feel like I got to harass people half as much as I expected I would. The objectives to find a series of items and dump them somewhere else is just boring.