#circumstances and just the fact that it doesnt really matter either way

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Agonizing over something someone said to me last week and really wish my brain would s t o p

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

Im so in love with the narrative use of sentimonsters in ml???? And how it serves as a metaphor for parents who are Wrong??

You have Félix, who’s the most direct case of “parent thinks that having a child is like a little trophy and checkmark on the list and doesn’t want the child to actually be a person or exist or cause inconvenience.” His father literally didn’t see him as a person and based on the fact that he literally broke Félix’s miraculous he seemed to see Félix as either disposable or unbreakable. There was no sense that he needed to be loved or protected.

But then you also have Adrien, who Gabriel *theoretically* loves. I think Gabriel actually thinks that he loves Adrien as a person. But he has this idea that he can make Adrien happy through obedience alone. He thinks he can just order Adrien to be content or to have the same priorities as him. He calls Adrien melodramatic a few times even and it’s like???

Gabriel *theoretically* wants Adrien to be happy but it doesn’t cross his mind that it’s going to take more than him yelling “hey Adrien i order you to be calm and content.” And ordering Adrien to love the career Gabriel Chooses and love the girl Gabriel Chooses for him and the hobbies that Gabriel Chooses for him. And when that doesn’t work he decides that Adrien is just Beyond His Help and will be better only with his mom there.

And it’s like???? Very fun nuance with this idea of,,, you cannot yell or force someone into being happy,,, it doesn’t matter if you have their best interest in mind,,, if you never listen to what they actually want or see them as a human person then you’ll still be the villian in their story

And THEN!!!!! You have Kagami who’s a completely different case even though she starts with the same circumstance. Because Kagami IS treated like a person and has a good amount of autonomy. It’s just all Conditional. She can do whatever she wants with her life as long as its also exactly what her mother wants. And her mother doesn’t always explain why. And the thing with that is!!! It DOES work for a while!!!! She does trust her mother and actually talk to her about things. And she will defend her mother to the ends of the earth.

But all it takes is that One argument where kagami says “hey . please stop making me date adrien. i dont want to . its hurting me” and tomoe TAKES HER RING instead of listening. And its like. Thats IT.

It doesnt matter if you spent years making a foundation of trust in a relationship because Eventually your kid is Going to grow up and theyre Going to disagree with you on Something Eventually. Kagami was so ready to listen to whatever her mother had to say but her mom didn’t elaborate on anything she just basically said “okay if you wont listen without question you dont get to have autonomy” and of COURSE kagami’s gonna be like. Okay. Bye then.

And i just think it’s soooo cool how there’s these different Layers of “parents forgetting that their child is a person and not a tool for your own personal gain” and that ml shows how it can manifest in so many different ways and it shows that it messes ,up trust and relationships and then it also shows that the kids are all okay once they have love and support and someone who treats them as a person with autonomy

and theres this theme of “it is not too much to ask that you be treated like a human person . no matter how broken or how much of a disappointment you think you are. you are still in the right for demanding to be seen as a person.” And i just. I really love my senti kids i love them soooo much

this show really said “it doesnt matter what sacrifices your parents made for you, youll never be an object that they own” and i just,,, yessssss

[tenaciouschronicler]

February 26 - March 1 2025 2010

A mother will do whatever is best for her children.

Now I dont like questioning the disembodied voices but...

The path through the mausoleum leads to a different part of the island where a dock can be found. Mom apparently rather than being forced away from Rose chose to leave of her own accord leaving only her martini glass behind.

WV is building a better Can Town, Exile Town, where '[a]ll expatriates are welcome, no matter what happened in the past, regardless of professional persuasion or metallurgical affiliation.' While this just at face value means the 'jobs' of each metal item, ie. can, mailbox, ammo, and type of metal, its really easy to think this is the future WV envisions for him and the others. Perhaps in this timeline, on this planet, he will do the same as Slick and make his own Town reality. AR is none too impressed, especially as this is WV's attempt at wooing PM, and yet, right outside of Exile Town hes got a militia started.

[A]ny town without a proper militia is as good as conquered.

As such he prepares one begrudgingly.

Sure~ Whatever you say AR. WV has his own moment of reflection admiring the sky 'oh my god a huge eggy looking thing just appeared in the sky.'

This is Daves fault. No really! we go back to Dave and Jade who have done most everything else to get the 'punch card eggy loking thign' which is immediately taken by the sprite crow to its 'nest made of shitty swords and soft puppet ass'. Obviously this makes Dave irate and he jokes about putting the egg in the microwave to hatch it which prompts Jade to dump his microwave off the skyscraper.

Not sure exploding the egg is what SBURB wants Dave.

We get to learn more about the differences in player entry and some new machines. Each time a player enters the amount of build grist is muliplied by 10. So John started with 20, Rose had 200 and Dave has 2,000. It seems like the later you enter the easier time you have building (and moving things, remember when 100 Grist was an insane amount to move the cruxtruder?). We can also see some new grist types have been unlocked from the get go though without enemies you cant really use them.

Then boy oh boy do I get to talk about computers again. Since Dave does not have any shale at his disposal hes kinda SOL on using the Punch Designix. This is terrible because we cant see what the JUMPER BLOCK EXTENSION and PUNCH CARD SHUNT actually do with the ALCHEMITER. However we can speculate.

So a Jumper is commonly used on Printed Circuit Boards (PCB) to create connections that modify circuit connections either for fixing electric connections or adapting a PCB for specific requirements. A Jumper Block is used to configure connections for different PCB options consisting of mulitple pins or sockets bridged by shunts to establish those connections. Shunts are used when you want to selectively make or break these connections easily, manually or automatically. Its noted that a card must be punched to affect the flow of current when insterted to the PUNCH CARD SHUNT. Given all this, it seems like this is an upgrade to alchemizing that can affect the core of the system and perhaps more easily automate the creation of new objects.

This is all well and good but that doesnt change the fact Dave does not have a way to punch said cards. So, all that done, Dave goes to install the mystery disk, which in any other circumstance I wouldnt do so casually. While doing so we get to see Rose fighting white Imps with more feline features on LOLAR and that Dave has 3 hours and 41 minutes to destruction.

The disk turns out to be gristTorrent, which is a version of BitTorrent, to leech some of Johns shale and build grist. Now Ive never used BitTorrent myself, though I have heard of it. It uses peer-to-peer (P2P) protocol to distribute data and files over the internet. Its mostly used for very large files and is faster than standard file downloads in this case. The 'seed', in this case John, hosts and sends the initial file while 'peers', in this case Dave, connect and download the file in parts and then in turn can become seeds for others. Dave initially has a decent download rate of 4 g/s (grist per second) that dips once he starts also leeching Build grist. This is because he is the only connection, as one of the downsides is time it takes to reach full download speed without enough peer connections to offset internet bandwith cost.

This concludes Sam's TEDtalk.

In all honesty, Ive tried to make as much of this as consumable as possible and I hope it helps anyone who is lost on the tech side of things. (im gonna need a tag of this too huh)

[turnedpalefromlackofsun]

wait. my next fic should be on the theme "its not my fault, but its my responsibility"

and its just a fanfic of kaveh falling for a scam, alhaitham stopping him. kaveh and alhaitham fight about empathy or something. alhaitham very alhaithamly tries logical reasoning to someone very clearly upset that wants emotional support and not a lesson. alhaitham isnt running simulations all the time sometimes he short circuits. his directive to keep kaveh from doing dumb shit pierces through and he forgets hes not supposed to make decisions for a grown ass man. thats stealing autonomy and thats wrong. his own standards btw. mistake 1.

kaveh says something rude to him. alhaitham isnt particularly bothered because emotional people in compromised states tend to do that. he sees kaveh just storming off INSIDE their house and hears nothing heavy moving so no packing to leave, so alhaithams like whatever. kaveh was angry within normal parameters so its fine. the routine will continue.

kaveh unexpectedly has a flashback to their thesis fight and gets really sad and starts spiraling thinking he has irreparably done something to alhaitham again. self blame. good stuff.

alhaitham insight: he wasnt too bothered by the words that kaveh said to him in that fight. he was bothered by the fact that kaveh actually left. and then the words gained meaning after that action. alhaitham had already run the simulations and found that the words in that moment couldve varied but that outcome wouldve been the same. hes had like a decade to process that. every simulation he ran in that time. just to make sure. because that simulation, no matter how it hurt, kept kaveh alive in his memories. its not what looping does to you, but what it can do for you. haha. might as well take advantage of it. if its gonna torture you.

kaveh apologizes. alhaitham thinks its only a minor deviation from their routine and doesnt want it derailed it anymore. kaveh insists on apologizing. alhaitham gets irritated and tells him to drop it. mistake 2. kaveh goes quiet instead of getting louder

alhaitham starts processing because he cares about kaveh and knows he didnt get enough friction and now hes gonna wallow in guilt. so he starts planning the best and most subtle way to be an asshole to kaveh to snap him out of it before he passes the "i deserve it" threshold where he will add onto the blame if alhaitham is rude.

so basically race against time to calculate and execute. high stress. because he loves kaveh. hes voluntarily taking stress because he wants to fix this situation. because he can. because he cares. so he should. thats his morals. his standards. he doesnt care what people will say if they hear about this or what his friends will say. HIS MORALS, aka the ultimate binding factor. autonomy. hes free of any emotional blackmail or anything. but he wants to (remember to nail down hes choosing this)

keypoint: there is no "resolution". it just mutually fades after the routine is brought back into acceptable parameters and it can resume so it concludes.

keypoint 2: it is NOT kaveh's fault. emotion first types do that under high stress and his response is within reasonable bounds

keypoint 3: it is NOT alhaithams fault either. its just circumstance and two beyblades.

that fits my overall theme of exploring normal life. domestic spats are pretty normal.

[terraliensvent]

im NOT defending either of the old owners but smth an anon said really rubbed me the wrong way. $300 adopts will not go as far as ppl act. It wont pay rent, and may only cover groceries for a short time. In america at least, the cost of healthcare is awful, and pair that with all other living expenses u have and its near impossible to make a living off adopts. saying “i wish u were poor so u understood hardship” is really fucked up cuz u dont know their situation or what theyve been thru. they built their own followings over the years so acting like their buyers were handed to them is also rlly weird. getting another job also aint easy in this market esp if u have a legit disability. mod pls try to atleast see where im coming from w this cuz im legit uncomfortable w how this is being talked abt. u dont have to like them to agree this is fucked up to say

post related

these are fair assessments to make (also light reminder that the opinions of anons posted here may not directly align with mine)

however, my main point of contention especially regarding civ is not “wow they must be rolling in cash from all this furry money” because obviously i know art is an unstable career (off topic fun fact thats why i had to quit my dream of becoming a storyboarder and got a more stable career)

my point regarding civ is that: many people in their comments of the bulletin are acting like civ is the ONLY person struggling. for example theres a comment calling terra mods “ableist” for even daring to restrict the amount of adopts civ makes (because again, they had to restrict the amount of adopts STAFF makes. is it fair for civ and coy to get a disproportionate amount of opportunities to profit off of terraliens, when they have both left staff and do no work on maintenance, moderating, upkeep, and progression?), the “ableist” comment acts under the assumption that civ is the only disabled, struggling artist connected to terras. it doesnt take into account that many of the staff team are also autistic/disabled, cal in particular even said how much stress he is under at the moment because of irl and species responsibilities.

and then we add on to this the fact that, from a “struggling toyhouse artist” standpoint, civ is incredibly privileged, at least probably more privileged than some/most of the staff team. civ can usually if not always rely on the fact that their adopts or commissions will sell. they can rely on the fact that they have a large fanbase, and that their friends have large fanbases. they can rely on the fact that theyre viewed favorably in other cs spaces like chams and isopups. this isnt a matter of “theyre rolling in it,” its a matter of “hey why are we acting like civ isnt still at an advantage when it comes to selling art, why are we acting like terra mods are just punching down on them when many are in the same, if not worse circumstances?” civ has the ability to sell oneoffs very reliably, and no shade to the mods or anything, but there are members of staff who were pretty unknown before terras, do you think they could leave and still be able to rely on selling one-off adopts?

THAT is what i really mean in regards to this argument, sorry i should have elaborated more before but i had a pretty heavy influx of asks coming in

[multifandomfreak]

Spoilers for TheInvisibleDavis's SCP Series

As someone who is about 3/4 through season one ish, its pretty good so far. With it being a minecraft rp, things are very aprofessional and the editor just doesnt give a flying fuck. Sometimes the bg music is way to loud, sometimes the plot is interrupted by someone needing to leave. They can take it out, but they just don't, and its incredibly frustrating. I don't love it, but like, its investing, the drama is solid, and scps are really cool.

Onto the characters themselves:

Davis- He's cold and bitter, seems to deny any sort of positivity, and is all around a bitch. He complains about pretty much anything, and I understand where he's coming from in his situation, but g o d it can get annoying. But he also has his reasons. His ability causing him to remember how he dies every time he comes back, there is an insane amount of horror this man has seen. Hes died from both scps and people over and over again. He's taken advantage of his ability and will try time and time again under the idea he can get what he wants in the end. He's become pretty messed up and depressed in this state. He's either used or waiting to be used and he will do anything to get out. A total badass, but like I get tired of him complianing. Like dude you have a bed. remember being D-class? Yeah fuckin' appreciate it before its gone and you're back at square one. You don't have to pretend to be happy, just value what you got.

And with his trust issues, he can never see the good in the people he's working with (Kat SHE DESERVES BETTER) and its both his and the foundation's fault for this. Kat had to treat him like an experiment. She had to treat d-class like that, but Davis didn't get that. He still doesn't because he REFUSES to believe any of the researchers no matter how much integrity they show. Kind of silly and annoying of him, but thats kinda how trauma works.

I also forgot to mention I really liked him early on. He was like this angry lil guy who was pissed in his circumstance. His ability was rediscovered after those anesthetics messed with his brain. The atmosphere was great. These solitary rooms as Davis sees just how large this place is in his attempts to break free. The endless staircase and the meat room were probably my favorite parts of pre-scp Davis. I liked the mystery of that a lot.

After that its just been moments where there isn't much horror to it, but the angst is really good sometimes.

Once he found out he was a father, that frustration I had with him has lessened, given that kid is the one thing that makes him happy in this personal hell of his. And he only got to see the kid once and since hes been transparent about that. The thing is the foundation doesn give a fuck, so Harkmann and Kat had to put in work just to get it to happen. Again, Davis just doesn't think they care. I think I just want him to be a better person... and like maybe his son will do that. That'd be very sweet.

I also find it funny that Davis's self insert is a jacked badass who cannot die.

Kat- I like her. I didn't have much to say about her for a good chunk of the series, but she's the embodiment of "trying her best :'(" Shes new to her job, she just wants to help people, and shes gone through some awful stuff. For one, shes had to live through some horrific events. Containment breaches, held at gunpoint, stalked to the point where she couldn't stay in her own home, and kidnapped by that Cain cult. She lies that her kindness is for the complicity of Davis. That's just... tragic. At least she has a good relationship with Dr. Harkmann.

SPEAKING OF:

Dr. Harkmann- He's complicated for me. On one hand he came off as pretty kind and thoughtful of his fellow researchers, but if you get on his bad side, he can be brutal. That's sounds cool, but it hurts from the fact Davis had to go through some more torture after he blackmailed the foundation and Kat's life. He got pretty protective of her and goes pretty easy on her compared to the other colleages. It's not out of sexism so I respect that greatly. But kinda like Davis he can be a bitch. He feel like he has to put on this mask to be a cold and collected scientest and see any SCP as an experiement, no matter the sentience. He was also kind of taught to be that way. Idk his story is cool, I'm just not a big fan of who he is.

Reggie- Not enough screentime or standout scenes to form an opinion. He developed a hatred for Davis after... something went wrong. 99% sure it was the gunpoint situation, but it could have also been the time he knew he was killed. The time where- idk he was pretty chill but I just kind of stopped caring about him after some time I was watching.

Uh anyways. Good series. Lotta bad pacing (imo) so I get bored easily. 3/4 of them need therapy. Kat just got to see a therapist from where I'm at.

And otso, almost forgot him. Ill talk about him when im more awake im stupid tired.

[habeascorpseus]

im curious, what do you consider ooc for grian? i agree w you completely but i would like to know 👁👁

ohoho *takes a BIG sip of my 5 hour energy and slams it on my bedside stool*

okay, so i HOPE this doesnt become a big old rant, because i really should sleep, but, the thing people misunderstand about him MOST, which therefore sort of branches into most other mischaracterizations i see with his character, is that he's not an asshole.

he's also not not an asshole.

here's what i mean: grian's moral compass is looser than a door without hinges, but his honor, and the honor of others, holds priority. in season 8 during the boatem prank war with big eyes, he aptly called his policy, "prank hard, clean up harder."

for the more innocuous offenses he commits, like pranks, and minor amounts murder, he will almost always feel bad and offer to help clean up if he feels like what he did is "too much." "too much" is dependent on circumstance, but most often it includes permanent loss of valubles- like armor, large amounts of resources, and hard to obtain items- which he will attempt to replace or make up for with helping the unfortunate recipient of his ill-fated prank with chores. "too much" also includes griefing and base editing whether it be accidental or on purpose- most notable examples being in season 7 when keralis discovered the "removing stuff from keralis' base" challenge, and rebuilding part of scar's base in season 8 after accidentally getting it blown up. if he feels like it's even partially his fault, he'll almost always offer to help fix the mess, even if he does complain about it the entire way though.

so he likes to fuck with people- he doesnt like permanent damage. that doesnt mean he doesnt occasionally want to cause permanent damage, such as in the life series, but he also often needs a reason to cause damage like losing lives or permadeath.

renchanting trap? scar wasn't doing his job properly as the only red life. tnt base trap? home no longer safe, revenge for pizza. killing jimmy and mumbo in last life? they provoked him and were reaping the consequences. killing bigb and ren in double life? they provoked him by (to his knowledge) being the cause of scar's death as a yellow life. no matter what death grian has personally called in the life series, either before or after it took place, you can find an instance of grian saying why he felt he needed to do it. and if the death is accidental, or accidental collateral damage, he tries to make up for it with his time and energy. (like with the physical objects.)

i see a lot of fics on ao3 with the tag "grian is an asshole in this one, sorry", and i dont normally read those, because those just leave a bad taste in my mouth- but i also see a lot of fics unintentionally write grian as more of a jerk because they forget he abides by honor. its not that grian isnt a murderer, its that he needs a reason to do it- or he'll excuse it after the fact with a reason. its not that grian isnt reckless with other people's lives, its that if he realizes the damage he causes is permanent he balks at doing it. its not that grian isnt an asshole, its that he likes to piss off people but wouldn't dream of purposefully damaging his friendships. grian, as a character, is defined by his willingness to push boundaries and his hesitance to cross the line. and far too often, people forget these two coexisting facts, and write grian as only being one or the other.

again, this is all mostly opinion and writing advice, and ive read fics where grian was ooc that i still enjoyed. but also sometimes you just look at a fandom and you're like "wow youre so valid but youre also wrong!" and occasionally i do be feeling that. in the end what matters is that the fic was fun to write, and the rant resulting from that is also fun to write. goodnight all,

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[antiloreolympus]

11 Anti LO Asks

1. TBH to me im also confused reading LO bc it both takes itself way too seriously but also not at the same time? like it wants us to feel like its this grand dramatic epic that takes serious issues and all, only to be so full of slapstick and juvenile "humor" and hip "relatable" humor that its like?? well which one is it then??

2. Im glad im not the only one who noticed, at least in terms of their relationship to hades, persephone and minthe are exactly the same. the difference is minthe has everything to lose, has no support and she doenst "deserve" him, meanwhile persephone has everything, gets everything, and "deserves" hades because she coddles him and she conforms to him & his wants, which minthe never do. im not saying minthe doesnt have her issues, but her not doing exactly what he wanted lead to her demise.

3. i love the excuse of constantly making lo persephone naked is "being accurate to ancient art" because one thats not how ancient art was?? only aphrodite and maybe amphitrite were depicted without clothes, but even that most of that was a post-antiquity/roman trend to show they could do anatomy correctly, but more so persephone specifically (minus the bernini statue which wasnt in ancient times) was always clothed? like yall just make up whatever to excuse rachel being wrong no matter what, huh?

4. LO is hardly the only romance comic to have this issue but it def runs off he fact the readers knowing theyll get together in the end to excuse its actual lack of developing them as a couple. rachel basically made two characters who wouldnt even talk to each other under normal circumstances and is just running off them being well known instead of making their relationship actually make sense. if we didnt know they were a canon myth couple, would anyone buy theyre in love? Probably not.

5. i see an excuse that LO's characterization should be excused because "rachel is making them complex" and its like ... the greek gods?? need to be made complex?? what are you lot on to think rachel is "improving" on the gods, esp when theyre just made into one note assholes with her deciding if theyre "good" or not depending on if they kiss persephone and hades' ass or not.  thats not complexity??

6. rachel literally cannot help herself to overemphasize how child like persephone is while also doing the same to emphasize how old and weird hades is and then still acts shocked people think its a creepy relationship? like you cant constantly make a point hes an old man lusting after a barely legal young woman and then be up in arms that people get weirded out by it.

7. oh my god the trial IS going into december and maybe even longer. she literally stretched it over months when it could have been at most three weeks. i hate it here.

8. RS is really just throwing whatever she can at the wall at this point isn't she. Here, now Hades has titan powers for no reason! He can turn into a spider now! Persephone made elysium now and has to teach him torturing the dead is wrong! Meanwhile other plots are either rushed (Daphne, Minthe) or that should be wrapped up by now or even have a little focus on them is just ignored, dropped, or retconned in some weird way, Like girl, take a month off and plan this out on a google spreadsheet.

9. the funny part about how pissed rachel gets at being accused of "stealing from percy jackson" is ... she unintentionally does? like PJO popularized "persephone was a b-tier nobody before marrying hades", promoted demeter was irrational helicopter mom, and also (incorrectly) popularized titans being literal giants, all of which rachel put in LO. now she probably only picked these up from tumblr posts but those are from PJO, so in a roundabout way she did kind of steal from PJO, just unknowingly.

10. this is nitpicky but i hate the in universe and fandom "joke" kore is some corn joke bc one) corn is from mexico, but so wouldnt wheat or barley be more accurate? but two) kore is not pronounced "core", its pronounced "core-ey", so the joke doesnt work on both a food or a pronunciation front. like this is supposed to be so well researched and accurate yet it doesnt know how to pronounce the main characters name or knows what actual food grows in greece and was connected to demeter.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

11. FP// Hades being a grown adult and not realizing torturing the dead for eternity especially the innocent is in fact a bad thing to do is not cute, it confirms hes a deranged psychopath and having some random 20 year old having to "teach" him that is even worse?? esp bc that same 20 year old doesnt care about the dead, she only cares about her own conscious. idk how rachel took complex beings and made them straight up evil but expects her to "sympathize" w/ them but here we are.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[obwjam]

pls ma'am.... ur headcanons for the hargreeves siblings finding a tiny...

IT’S FEEDING TIME

diego: would be very soft with any tiny he found under any circumstance. very much the stereotypical leans down, gasps, eyes are wide, staring at the tiny in utter fascination, asking for their name, promising that he won’t hurt them. he would insist on taking the tiny to safety and he immediately hides all his weapons because lawd knows what a million giant knives would look like to someone so small. he would offer them food and shelter and companionship and he would be super duper protective. like constantly going out of his way to keep them safe and make sure they didnt get into any trouble. also is a very good listener and is very understanding of them and their feelings. he never makes the tiny feel lesser

allison: she is a mother to the MAX. like so insanely protective of a tiny the way a mother protects her young. when she finds the tiny she wouldn’t even ask them what they wanted to do, she would just carefully scoop them up and b like “yeah you’re coming home with me and you’re my child now.” very much a helicopter parent in the sense that she NEVER lets the tiny go anywhere or do anything dangerous, and she sometimes has trouble remembering that they are self-sufficient, but she respects them and does it all because she cares. she makes the tiny a bed and little stuff like that to make them feel more at home. also, home cooked meals every day and every night (she is abhorred by the fact that a tiny’s diet is just stale food and crumbs)

klaus/ben: ugh. UGH. klaus would very much act demeaning without meaning to. he doesn’t see a tiny as a pet or anything like that, but he’s just obsessed with how adorable they are and he is very grabby and touchy. ben is constantly telling him to knock it off and he feels terrible that the tiny had to be found by klaus, of all the people that walk the earth. he would talk to them and obviously they cannot see or hear him but he enjoys the one-sided conversation anyway. ben is very fascinated by the tiny and likes to just look at them. klaus would lowkey pamper a tiny too, like those people who build fancy beds and rooms for their dog. he wouldn’t at all be surprised or fascinated by the existence of a tiny. he would be like “you know i kind of always suspected something was up” and it’s kind of relieving that klaus doesnt pepper them with questions or stare wide eyed at them all the time. but nevertheless he selfishly wants to keep the tiny around because he thinks they’re funky and it’s a mutually beneficial relationship where he gets another companion who can’t leave him and the tiny gets shelter, safety and food

luther: man is just the biggest dumbass of all time around a tiny. so clumsy and is constantly doing things to freak them out and he always sheepishly apologizes and then keeps doing the thing anyway. he means well, he really does, and he tries his best not to scare them too much or put them in any danger. he’s always trying to do things for the tiny to alleviate his guilt, so he’ll bring them food or find some trinket and be like “i got this for you, i thought you’d like it” and it’s like, a penny. but he’s very sweet and endearing and hey it’s the thought that counts right? is also very touchy and no matter how many times the tiny demands he ask before picking them up, he just never listens so the tiny just accepts their fate

vanya: she’d be SUPER nonchalant. like the cool aunt type. she would discover a tiny and immediately be like “do you want anything? i’m cooking dinner rn” and she just always knows what to ask and when to ask it. like after growing up as a hargreeves sibling she barely even cares that there’s a tiny person living in her walls. she’s like “aight bet we all need to survive” and she tells the tiny they can come out any time they want to take something or just to talk. vanya leaves food out for them every night and the tiny always takes it. she’s content with leaving the tiny alone, def doesn’t mind having their company but has no desire to bother them. she would help them with anything they ask and it’s very sweet. like the tiny shyly comes out and asks for water or something and vanya just goes oh yeah yeah of course! and get them water. she is a very relaxing person to be around and the tiny likes her a lot

five: hnnnnng i said this before but it would entirely depend on how five found a tiny. if he found them going through his shit and they were equally as combative, he would be a total bitch and jar them and intimidate them and everything. but if they were just really scared and clearly not looking to anger anyone, he would actually feel a great deal of sympathy and he wouldn’t be able to just forget them and leave them in danger. like he would be halfway gone, groan and then turn back around to get the tiny. he doesn’t really know what to do with them, like is he supposed to let them be free? is he supposed to keep an eye on them 24/7? but either way he figures something out and finds that he really doesn’t want to see them get hurt. he knows the world is dangerous and that hanging out with him is dangerous but he knows he can keep them safer than they would be alone. eventually it gets to a point where his enemies want to steal the tiny away from him as leverage and he would literally go fucking mad. like murdering the commission board mad. he doesn’t open up a lot but his actions are what show the tiny he really cares. five finds he would do just about anything to keep them safe and happy and it lowkey disgusts him but also he just has such a soft spot for the tiny

[homestuckexamination]

ive always thought that any of the Destruction class seem to 'ghost' the opposite aspect's general personality traits. like how Gamzee is a Bard of Rage yet he acts chill all the time. When Rage is generally thought of as 'angry, mad, insane, etc' (if you dont dig enough of course), but then when you dig into Gamzee just a tiny little bit deeper the true meaning of what his aspect is shown (him doing the murders on the meteor, that one time someone said he snapped and did a lot of damage to his black king, etc). what i mean is that Destroyers always seem to do a double reacharound with their aspects. this also applies to Kurloz (seems chill, does a lot of stuff for lord english)

another example is Dirk being seen as a cool kid and thought to be always calm and collected and never shows emotions (like how Bro is), but you dig a little deeper and its a mess of emotions down there.

at least that what i think, the only one that doesnt seem to fit with my theory is Cronus but maybe that's because i dont really know him that well

It does fit in that sense but also I think that in itself is a misunderstanding of Aspects in themselves! Rage is not only anger and madness, and Mind Players aren’t cold, collected, emotionless machines, and that is why I really dislike the Destroyer Ghosting idea, because it is based on a very basic assumption of what the Aspects have to act like.

Even working within those parameters, Gamzee for example is angry and mad, he just muddles it with Sopor. Afterwards he doesn’t even mellow out- Remember him beating Terezi within an inch of her life in Game Over? But beyond that, the seemingly ‘carefree’ and ‘helpful clown’ persona, the turncoat nature, his subtle manipulation, he’s such a chaotic and theatrical character, he fits Rage so well!

Likewise with Dirk. As I said, Mind Players aren’t emotionless, cold machines. God, look at Terezi. She’s such a complex, conflicted character with so much depth and personality and emotion. But even going by the idea, Dirk isn’t a Cold and Emotionless machine either. Even AR, a literal robot, shows himself to push an agenda because of his existential conflict- Trying to ‘help’ aid in Dirk’s romantic endeavors, trying to make something out of himself despite his major limitations. And similarly Dirk himself tries to keep a cool facade in the same way Dave does. Dirk is heavily driven by his emotions. He has a deep existential dread and fear of disappearing, of failure, of being forgotten. He has an overbearing ‘knows best’ personality, that may make him seem detached, but that stems from thinking he knows people like he knows himself, and as such is able to try and push his own personal way of being upon them. He has a deep appreciation for his friends- Trusting Jane to a fault, having such a deep appreciation with Roxy that mixes with regret of being unable to provide what she wants when they’re young, because he knows who he’s attracted to, but he also loves her deeply and platonically looking up to her, valuing her worth more than his own, seeing her as the one holding the group together and having her shit the most straight, DESPITE the fact he had to bear with drunken advances during her teens. And don’t even get me started about Dirk and Jake. Good lord that can of worms. Dirk is almost entirely driven by what he feels for others, and his fuck-ups in reading and handling them, and his own mixture of ‘knows best’ toxic behavior, and ‘you lack worth, you need to prove yourself’ insecurities.

Sorry I always go on rants when Ghosting is brought up, and I do think Ghosting has its uses! Specially also in the power sense. Like, if you Destroy Light, you’re probably leaving Void in its wake, right? so mechanical applications work like that. But when it comes to Aspects as a core of the character, none is chosen because they’re Actually More Like The Opposite. You CAN draw these ghosting or inversion parallels with many characters, not JUST Destroyers, you can see influence that goes beyond with Roleplay, and you can always see the Classpect Kernel, no matter how far gone or how different they may be in one Timeline or Another. Classpects are a majorly convoluted system with so many intertwined branches, and that is why, when people ask me about Classpects, I always mention ‘tendencies’ and ‘possibilities’. There’s not One Way for a Class, or Aspect, or Classpect to be. And often times, in different circumstances, for different people, two players with the same Classpect may literally seem like polar opposites. So yeah. That’s my take on the idea of Destroyer Ghosting.

[akechicrimes]

so i wanted to talk about why i really like the way royal portrays the interactions between haru, futaba, and akechi.

in royal, insofar as i can see, haru is treats akechi with a sort of kindly polite working relationship. i actually cannot determine whether or not that’s because it’s akechi, or if it’s just because he’s a boy. her relationships with girls tend to be focused on spreading positivity and being kind, while she doesnt seem to be anything less than formal and shy with the boys--except mona, of course, but that’s a little different because he’s a talking cat.

futaba, on the other hand, seems to treat him like a potential traitor for comedic effect, which i can’t imagine she’d be doing if she thought he was going to betray them for real. (we already know what futaba did when she knew akechi was going to betray them, which was put everything on lockdown and bug his phone.) on the other hand, people do tend to make jokes about things that worry them, so akechi’s betrayal does seem to be on her mind either way.

haru is, notably, the first person to advocate for bringing akechi on the team, seconded by futaba. both of them cite the fact that they need the manpower, and both of them seem to be of the opinion that if he betrays them again, they’ll just squash him like they did the first time.

which is a very notable difference from the direction fandom interpreted that relationship. and i like the way that fandom interpreted haru and futaba as potentially never forgiving akechi for what he did, but i do think there’s a lot of merit in royal’s take.

in royal, haru and futaba’s concern seems to be primarily that he’ll backstab them again. specifically, when they’re discussing akechi joining the PT a second time, both of them reference akechi’s betrayal rather than necessarily his murders.

for some reason, the issues with wakaba and okumura aren’t even on the table. even when futaba and haru talk about losing their parents a second time in their third-tier awakenings, they talk generally about losing someone they love, like they’d died of illness, or an accident, or natural causes--like it was something unfortunate for which nobody is really to blame.

to be fair, it seems that they’ve already blamed someone: shido, who’s in jail. the situation has been resolved. they’ve done what they can to hold the people accountable to task. futaba at one point specifically says that shido is the one who killed her mother. i don’t think haru gets as far as saying “shido killed my father,” but considering the way she behaves in royal, i’m going to wager she’s on a similar page. 

the stance here seems to be that although akechi may have really truly and outrageously fucked up, the deaths of wakaba and okumura are still ultimately shido’s fault. shido was the one who ordered those hits, for one. for two, shido’s the person who created and masterminded the entire government conspiracy that eventually led to both wakaba and okumura being silenced for what they know. and, considering that okumura was the one ordering literal assassinations of his business rivals to grow his own business through his connection with shido’s conspiracy, and that okumura was assassinated because shido’s conspiracy cut him loose, we should also be fair and add that okumura’s death was partly his own fault anyway.

so, from what i can see, the attitude isn’t necessarily that haru and futaba have completely forgotten that akechi is technically the person who shot and killed their parents. but they’re also very aware that the situation was more complicated than that, that shido is primarily responsible, that akechi was a victim in his own ways, and, at the end of the day, they kind of do need him to get back to reality. 

the vibe is almost like, sort of like the p5 fandom, the PT don’t really know what to do with akechi. he’s not outright a villain. he’s not one of the PT. they’re sympathetic, although understanding that he’s done terrible things. what’re you supposed to do with that?

i think, in particular, this is reflective of a very interesting dynamic that’s widespread across royal: everyone in royal seems to be much more forgiving of akechi than akechi is.

forgiving might be a too strong of a word, but at the very least, the phantom thieves’ treatment of akechi is almost hilariously understated considering what he’s done. they sometimes rib him in mementos, but not really any more seriously than they rib, say, ryuji. there’s several mementos dialogues where people make small talk with him--nothing super personal, but general platitudes that you’d exchange with someone you don’t know extremely well, like talking about your health and good sleep. they’re notably wary of him as a potential threat on several occasions, but obviously not so wary that ann won’t cheerily talk to him about thrift-shopping. 

as uncomfortable as i imagine those group dynamics must be, from an outside perspective it’s fucking hilarious because akechi is literally just the awkward villain-turned-friend that sometimes they invite out to parties but he just stands there awkwardly in the corner because nobody knows what to fucking do with him, least of all akechi himself. 

but from a more serious perspective, i do think that again, there’s a bigger issue at play. 

saying “akechi is not the one who killed okumura, it was shido” erases the fact that akechi was--apparently--willingly involved in the operation. i think royal makes it clear that he had mixed feelings on it, and wanted to back out of it on several instances (see: his confidant with akira where he hints at bad things to come, and warns akira not to proceed), but in the end, he did still go along with it. he sure did walk into that interrogation room and make the conscious decision to shoot joker in the head. in the end, even if it wasn’t enough to refuse shido’s orders, akechi still did have some measure of agency.

in order to respect that akechi did have agency in the situation, that means he needs to be held accountable for his piece of it, which means that he feels he needs to be held accountable and tried before the law. 

so, any amount of apparent forgiveness from the phantom thieves--particularly from haru and futaba--would seem like they’re ignoring that he was (or at least felt like) a willing participant in shido’s conspiracy. 

(i would go into a further discussion about how in royal, akechi seems to hold agency as a good purely in and of itself. agency should not be given up under any circumstance, even if the rewards for doing so are immense. it doesn’t matter if maruki is solving worldwide problems with his gigantic dreamworld palace, what matters is that it’s removing free will and the ability to make your own decisions for your own life. akechi holds that nothing is worth losing your agency--nothing, not even a perfect happy end. it means a lot to him. enough that he’d insist on it, even if it means that this means insisting that he should be held accountable for all his bad decisions and murders.)

that, in turn, probably explains a lot about akechi’s insistence on returning to reality, his insistence on going to trial and being held accountable in joker’s stead, his stand-off-ish behavior with the rest of the phantom thieves. haru’s and futaba’s and the phantom thieves’ general willingness to shift the blame onto shido goes against akechi’s own insistence on himself as a meaningful actor in his own life. 

...in any event. with that analysis of royal’s character interactions out of the way, i sort of do want to address the fact that some people are unhappy that royal did not address wakaba’s and okumura’s deaths more, or centralize haru and futaba’s losses in royal’s narrative. i’ve seen 1000 takes and 1000 fanfics in which futaba and haru hold akechi accountable for their parents’ deaths and do not forgive him for it. akechi is, quite literally, the person who pulled the trigger on both of their parents, so it’s fair. and i’ve seen a lot of fanfics and fans who’ve built up haru’s and futaba’s entire characterizations on their inability to forgive akechi.

i’ve seen discourse saying that “even if it’s not really akechi’s fault that okumura died, haru’s feelings are still valid.” which is also true, of course. she did grieve over her father, and in some universes, haru would not come to the conclusion that shido is primarily to blame. i think there’s a really compelling story in which haru knows logically that her father died because of his own mistakes, flirted with a government-wide killing ring and got hiimself killed for it, and she knows that it’s shido who killed okumura, but she still cannot find it in herself to really forgive akechi. it’s a very good and cool angle that i personally like a lot.

i like those stories too, is what i’m saying. it’s not the route that royal went with, clearly. but i sort of wanted to throw my hat in the ring about why i think that the interactions between haru, futaba, akechi, and the general PT in royal are also interesting in their own right.

EDIT: literally JUST saw this really good compilation post of haru and akechi’s mementos dialogue!!!

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 103

[Date: 25/03, 12:17 AM GMT - 25/03, 3:41 AM GMT]  

[CW for drug mention, descriptions of violence, torture mention, suffocation mention]

[Page appears in chat and begins a game of “Smile Charades” by telling the server to draw their attention to their Spotify playlist called “The Court?”, which consists of the following songs: “Break My Mind” by Dagames, “I’m the Bad Guy” by Caleb Hyles, “Echo” by Crusher-P, “Break the Rules” by Charlie XCX, “Discord” by The Living Tombstone, “The Fine Print” by The Stupendium, “I Can’t Decide” by Scissor Sisters, “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” by Set it Off, “Entropy” by Awkward Marina, “Happy Pills” by Weathers, “The Pitiful Children” by Eric William Morris, and “Monster” by KIRA. The server then proceeds to guess what Page could be trying to imply by this choice of songs. The following conversation ensures:]

jayyyyyyyy: “oh, happy pills is such a good song! kinda makes me sad in a way tho, ykno? its so upbeat but its basically about taking drugs so youre not truly yourself, ykno?”

Page 👑: “....

:)”

Jack the Observer 👁: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “huh, kinda makes me wonder if those plants are the result of drugs? or maybe theyre not, i might be looking at this the wrong way,”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “ah, either way its fine! just me wondering out loud, ykno? :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “wow, what a unique and interesting message! thank you for the playlist, page, its really eye opening and neat to listen to :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “wow, what a fun song about partying and breaking the rules! ,i sure hope, none of ,the court does that!, :]”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “ooo i cant decide is a good one, a classic, especially for those in uh. *looks at writing smudged on wrist* ...the my little pony fandom...”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “its so cool! love how the singer has conflicting feelings about their attachment to the one theyre torturing, how they ultimately have to decide whether they want to be good and spare their life, or if they want to continue with the torture”

Page 👑: “:)”

[After a few minutes, the server wonders why Page is being so quiet and only responding in “:)”]

jayyyyyyyy: “nono, its okay, its like a yes or no thing

quiet for no, a smile for yes

is that right, page?”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “pog! alright”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay, so still gotta find what youre picking up from this

are you not a big fan of concerts either?”

Page 👑: “....”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh, you like em?”

Page 👑: “:)

....”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay, you do like concerts! something else too tho”

[After a few minutes of conversation among the server members asking Page whether he liked concerts, or if being with the Court was like being in a concert, or if he wanted to continue the conversation in the direction of the topic of concerts, or if he wanted to talk about other topics, all of which were met with a resounding silence from Page-]

[jayyyyyyyy: “music?”]

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “music! alright

want to narrow the topic some more, page?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “so im assuming this is about your playlist?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “do you want us to focus on... lyrics?”

Page 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “so like the tone?”

jayyyyyyyy: “well i think we already get the vibe, ykno”

donti (e) (child): “or the feel of all the songs together?”

Page 👑: “:)....”

donti (e) (child): “is there a common thread were supposed to be seeing?

Page 👑: “:)

[After some deliberation, it turned out that the common thread wasn’t about the laurels or drugs, but was about specific songs.]

jayyyyyyyy: “alright! so youre focusing on uhhh

break my mind

im the bad guy

echo

discord 50/50

wolf in sheeps clothing

entropy 50/50

happy pills 50/50

and monster”

Page 👑: “:)”

[jayyyyyyyy: “does "im the bad guy" apply to crown here?”]

Page 👑: “:)....”

jayyyyyyyy: “aight

is crown one of the common demoninators here?”

Page 👑: “:)....”

jayyyyyyyy: “aight

uhhh

im the bad guy is about.. fuck, i half remember half dont

if i remember correctly, the villain is explaining that whatever evils theyve faced before, shes much more powerful than them, and doesnt need their assistance because shes fine on her own

but

im guessing page is more focusing on. Uh”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh! okay

okay, i got it

hm.. echo is about.. well, its kinda hard to say

let me look at the lyrics again

actually, this song is a perfect way to sum up the courts situation

"the echo in the mirror"

like.. youre fighting yourself? youre trapped in yourself, fighting yourself to be free”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “pog! alright

so uhh

so far we have uhh

being stuck and fighting yourself is something im seeing rn

and the other one.. i think its better if i dont say it

am i right on the fighting yourself theme tho?”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “someone that's not crown??

"someone else"”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “OKAY

didnt expect that

so who

not crown

themselves?”

Page 👑: “:).....”

Ethza: “hm

eachother?”

donti (e) (child): “are,,, are the people who wear the crowns... pulling at the strings of their body??”

Page 👑: “....”

Ethza: “Hm”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay so

im assuming its crown and the court?”

Ethza: “but its not crown

its someone else”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “hmm”

Ethza: “that was my first guess

so

someone else”

jayyyyyyyy: “okay! okay

and probably obvious but youre being controlled by your court version?”

Ethza: “but something else is controlling you”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “is it your court self?

the laurels?

something else?

feel free to respond to those separately”

jayyyyyyyy: “what, pray tell, the fuck are the laurels”

Page 👑: “:)”

[Ethza: “the laurels?”]

Page 👑: “....”

[Ethza: “something else?”]

Page 👑: “....:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “alright

hmmmm okay so

court selves are controlling the og selves, and crown is manipulating the court”

Ethza: “the court selves....aren't what they seem?”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “i was really hoping that wouldn't be right”

jayyyyyyyy: “well i dont think the court selves are evil”

Ethza: “i don't know if we'd call them good”

jayyyyyyyy: “theyre being manipulated, ykno? and theyre.. kinda stuck in an unwinable situation

well yea but like

either they let their alternate selves be free and they literally suffocate, or they let themselves be free and their alternate selves suffocate

and a while, youd want fresh air, no matter how good of a person you are”

[Ethza: “i don't know if we'd call them good”]

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “alright so theyre not good

obv im still suspicious that a lot of it is bc of circumstances but still evil”

Ethza: “...hey page”

Page 👑: “:)”

Ethza: “are they something we know?”

Page 👑: “....:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “i really cant think of anything else tho

dreamons maybe?”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)

:)

:)

:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “uhhh

OH SHIT”

Page 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “OH FUCK

OH FUCK

OH FUCK ITS DREAMONS”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)

:)”

donti (e) (child): “is that a smile or a yes ??”

Page 👑: “:)

:)

:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “ITS A YES

OH MY GOD ITS DREAMONS OH FUCK”

donti (e) (child): “UH!!”

jayyyyyyyy: “OKAY

FUCK

okay

ok im. calming down”

Knight 👑: “Fetch likes this song :)” 

[DAYWALKER! by Machine Gun Kelly ft. Corpse] 

Knight 👑: “It should be obvious as to why :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “WAIT NO BUT I HAVE OTHER QUESTIONS

okay page!!

is that "thing" thats more powerful than crown the dreamons?”

Knight 👑: “Page is not in service at this time. Please check the number or try your call again. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “oh fuck off

GOD

you mother FUCKERS

donti (e) (child): “AH IS PAGE OK”

Knight 👑: “:)”

donti (e) (child): “uhhhhhh buddy you ok”

Knight (he/they): “I see somebody talking with a mouth thats full of teeth i want to break :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “thats dumb as FUCK”

donti (e) (child): “well thats probably me time to scram :D”

jayyyyyyyy: “page did not say a single thing this entire time”

Knight 👑: “Then i'm not talking about him. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “..neither did max”

Knight 👑: “I'm on borrowed time can't shake it :) blackout when i'm ragin'. :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “yea

again with that fuckin corpse song

hold on

huh

okay so im assuming this is just. 100% knight rn

bc you definitely did something to page

and the song daywalker is ab letting someone in on a secret and blaming them when the secret gets out

actually this song. lines up with uh

that scene”

Knight 👑: “:)”

jayyyyyyyy: “the. ykno, the murder

unless im wrong but

seems. violent”

Knight 👑: “I prayed to god and went to sleep with bloody hands :)”

jayyyyyyyy: “damn! okay

uhhh fuck

okay knight can you like. post all the lyrics youre focusing on rn?? tryna get across???”

Knight 👑: “Punch that motherfucker in the face 

you hated what he said, right? 

beat his ass, leave him at the stoplight

i know you wanted change, but nobody's around

so, kick him again while he's on the ground”

jayyyyyyyy: “thank you!”

Big G (they/them): “Uhh”

jayyyyyyyy: “....oh god i just said thank you im going SOFT

"i know you wanted change but nobodys around" is really catching my eye

"you hated what he said right" hmm”

Knight 👑: “If a pussy wanna say shit, then i'll fuckin' stomp his face in

nah, not getting better, can't change it, i left blood all on the pavement 

i'm on borrowed time, can't shake it, blackout when i'm ragin',

me and all these pills be on a fuckin' first name basis,”

jayyyyyyyy: “im kinda throwing a shot here, but is the "you hated what he said right" part about the dreamons hating what i said?”

Knight 👑: “I never said it was about page :) in fact, i told you i wasn't talking about him :)”

[shoezuki]

oooookayyy scrapped together thoughts of a Hades Modern Au here we go

world shit:

takes place in a massive city with some name or whatever. idfk. it big tho 

‘the underworld’ refers more to like. the criminal activities and things hades has a hand in. which is everything, from all businesses to the politics to the cops and everything. he stinks

most of the olympians don’t live in the city. some are influential people in bigger name areas. others are just like. kicking it somewhere 

most chthonic gods work for hades and live in/near to his own massive office/home, which is one of the biggest skyscrapers in the town

zagreus is always trying to leave town but either is thwarted before he goes too far down the highway or hades forces him to come back

Zagreus: 25, 5″5ft when wearing platformers. he’s somehow the cumulation of jock/rich boy/punk energies and really its a mystery how he pulls that off like. says eat the rich one second but also assumes an apple costs 10 bucks. he’s got the spirit tho 

Son of hades obviously. grew up in Hades’ ‘house’ (massive FUCKING skyscraper) completely raised by nyx. had vague memories of persephone when he was like 5 but didn’t think much of it until more recently. always knew nyx wasnt his birth mother, but only really knew persephone’s name and some information on her when snooping and finding things like marriage certificates that Hades hid away. 

Hades keeps control of him by providing for him, in a way. basically has control of all his money, which hades provides. He’s made it so zagreus can’t get his own job anywhere. either he’s rejected right at the door or fired. stopped once he realized a small business suddenly shut down after he got a job there. also can’t drive, have his own seperate bank account, all horrible shit.

The only thing he does have is that he has an appartment with hypnos thats grungy and small and really gross but its the only thing he feels to really ‘own’. 

Zag blows money constantly since it’s hades’ credit card. arrested a lot for vandalism, arson, public intoxication, trespassing, fighting, etc. he never stays more than a few days in jail, but his record has never been clean so when he attempts to hop on a bus or hitch a ride out of town, cops stop him and take him away. on the bright side one cop stuck to night patrol makes him some really good coffee.

Often gets into bar fights and skirmishes. more because he likes to fight than anything else. he once tried to make money off of underground fighting matches, but hades still caught onto that. he met Skelly through this. 

Hades: old as all fuck. nasty man. like 6″ft or whatever. He owns hotels, apartments, banks, and some factories for production of goods. high public opinion because he’s ‘charitable’ and dumps a lot of money to public infrastructures, police force, and particularly surveillance companies. This is more of a bribe than anything; first to know of the cops’ movements and has surveillance through practically the whole city. 

he sucks. persephone left him but they’re still considered legally married. No divorce has been issued, and hades has kept up the appearances that persephone still lives with him under the guise of a chronic health condition she has (multiple sclerosis) so she isn’t publicly seen. really she left his ass and owns a quiet unnoticed flower shop in a small town over.

Thanatos: 27, 5″11ft. Works within hades’ company, pretty high up too. manages finances, stocks, inventory, etc etc. basically has a handle on all money going in and out. tries to keep out of the less legal side of things but honestly he doesnt really have a choice in the matter. 

Extremely qualified for the position and honestly could probably do much better. went to some big name college far away for a long time. Studied business, accounting, economics for nearly 8 years. wanted to go into psychology, particularly developmental psychology, but forced himself to go into business.

He’s loyal to hades in a strange way. feels ‘indebted’ to him; for his job, providing his mother with a job, basically the reason they’re so well off. seems to think that he is the company’s head accountant less because of his own skill and because it was expected of him. undervalues himself.

He has only been back in town a year or so since leaving for college. part of his job is that he is forbidden from contacting or interacting with zagreus at all, with threats of losing his position from hades. Still, he tends to pull zag out of messes with cops or bar fights. zag doesn’t know how he keeps finding him or randomly appearing. 

unlike most other workers he doesn’t actually live in the ‘house’ and lives in a suite at another hades owned building. this makes it easier for zag to sneak into his suite and visit him at all kinds of weird hours.

him and zag have a more ‘new’ romance goin on. very tentative and unexplored and new. especially considering the circumstances they find themselves in. him and meg are great friends, in fact they are probably each other’s only friends. 

Megeara: 25, 6″3ft without her heels. Is the head of security in hades’ main office and has control over security services in other buildings too, although mainly stays in the house. also has the personally appointed position of keeping zag from leaving the house when he gets dragged back there. You can see how that goes.

Like than, feels indebted/sworn to her job, to a degree though. Will very much stop zagreus, only so that she can let him slide sometimes without suspicion or her job being threatened. Or if she just wants a good fight it depends on her mood.

was always interested in mixed martial arts. when they were teens she threatened zag to a fight. she ended up with a chipped tooth. later in life about when she started heavily piercing her ears she also got gold fang implants since the chipped tooth happened to be Right there. zag is weak to this. 

Never has left town or gone to college. she is the closest of the furies to nyx. both her sisters are in some field of the law enforcement, therefore acting as hades’ more personal ties into the police. She doesn’t get along with them, in fact feeling they’re way too involved in shady shit. but she converses and does what she’s asked of from hades. 

owns a motorcycle! doesn’t actually know how to drive a car, just her bike. takes care of it like it’s her baby. doesn’t let anyone else touch it, fix it up or handle it whatsoever. Hypos tried to hop on once and he ran every time he saw her for at least 3 months after that.

her and zag don’t exactly have a ‘name’ to their relationship. it’s somewhat on and off, between dating and friendship sometimes. Than is someone very close to her; the only person she can be seen outside of a work setting talking to. dusa is working up to that, though, as she’s been getting closer with her.