#circumstances and just the fact that it doesnt really matter either way

[bhaalsdeepbat]

Agonizing over something someone said to me last week and really wish my brain would s t o p

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

Im so in love with the narrative use of sentimonsters in ml???? And how it serves as a metaphor for parents who are Wrong??

You have Félix, who’s the most direct case of “parent thinks that having a child is like a little trophy and checkmark on the list and doesn’t want the child to actually be a person or exist or cause inconvenience.” His father literally didn’t see him as a person and based on the fact that he literally broke Félix’s miraculous he seemed to see Félix as either disposable or unbreakable. There was no sense that he needed to be loved or protected.

But then you also have Adrien, who Gabriel *theoretically* loves. I think Gabriel actually thinks that he loves Adrien as a person. But he has this idea that he can make Adrien happy through obedience alone. He thinks he can just order Adrien to be content or to have the same priorities as him. He calls Adrien melodramatic a few times even and it’s like???

Gabriel *theoretically* wants Adrien to be happy but it doesn’t cross his mind that it’s going to take more than him yelling “hey Adrien i order you to be calm and content.” And ordering Adrien to love the career Gabriel Chooses and love the girl Gabriel Chooses for him and the hobbies that Gabriel Chooses for him. And when that doesn’t work he decides that Adrien is just Beyond His Help and will be better only with his mom there.

And it’s like???? Very fun nuance with this idea of,,, you cannot yell or force someone into being happy,,, it doesn’t matter if you have their best interest in mind,,, if you never listen to what they actually want or see them as a human person then you’ll still be the villian in their story

And THEN!!!!! You have Kagami who’s a completely different case even though she starts with the same circumstance. Because Kagami IS treated like a person and has a good amount of autonomy. It’s just all Conditional. She can do whatever she wants with her life as long as its also exactly what her mother wants. And her mother doesn’t always explain why. And the thing with that is!!! It DOES work for a while!!!! She does trust her mother and actually talk to her about things. And she will defend her mother to the ends of the earth.

But all it takes is that One argument where kagami says “hey . please stop making me date adrien. i dont want to . its hurting me” and tomoe TAKES HER RING instead of listening. And its like. Thats IT.

It doesnt matter if you spent years making a foundation of trust in a relationship because Eventually your kid is Going to grow up and theyre Going to disagree with you on Something Eventually. Kagami was so ready to listen to whatever her mother had to say but her mom didn’t elaborate on anything she just basically said “okay if you wont listen without question you dont get to have autonomy” and of COURSE kagami’s gonna be like. Okay. Bye then.

And i just think it’s soooo cool how there’s these different Layers of “parents forgetting that their child is a person and not a tool for your own personal gain” and that ml shows how it can manifest in so many different ways and it shows that it messes ,up trust and relationships and then it also shows that the kids are all okay once they have love and support and someone who treats them as a person with autonomy

and theres this theme of “it is not too much to ask that you be treated like a human person . no matter how broken or how much of a disappointment you think you are. you are still in the right for demanding to be seen as a person.” And i just. I really love my senti kids i love them soooo much

this show really said “it doesnt matter what sacrifices your parents made for you, youll never be an object that they own” and i just,,, yessssss

[houndfaker]

i know ive touched on it before but it really is just so appealing to me how like, probably what makes me so crazy about kym is just kind of where each of them stands in relation to mitsuru.

you have yukari who is an unexpected match to mitsuru. they are reflections of each other and it takes both of them incredibly long to actually come to terms with that.

and then you have kikuno who is like. an echo of mitsuru. mitsuru's one goal in life was doing absolutely anything in her power to protect the thing that mattered to her the most: her father. kikuno's one goal in life is doing absolutely anything in her power to protect the thing that matters to her the most: mitsuru.

mitsuru omits important information about shadows that she's aware of for the sake of her goal. she isnt fully honest with her teammates, her eventual friends who she has to trust her life with in battle. kikuno deceives for the sake of her goal. mitsuru is the person she cares most about, and she betrays her for what she perceives to be her own good.

mitsuru insists on the belief that sees is only united by the goal to eliminate the shadows, despite the love she's come to have for them all she clings to what feels like logical fact because the idea of burdening them with herself when she cant offer them anything anymore is so scary. kikuno insists on the same exact belief, that sees was only united by the goal to eliminate the shadows, and for that reason its foolish to return to them. to return to battle, where she could die just as her father had.

and while mitsuru is the one who presents the idea that theyre both incorrect in that belief in the first place, its yukari who changes kikuno's mind. yukari is proof that mitsuru is correct to have faith in her friends, to love her friends, to be stubbornly loyal and protective of them despite the present uncertainty of what brought them into each other's lives in the first place. (and yukari is the most active in showing mitsuru that, too! we see as much at the kyoto riverbank.)

and kikuno has a particular fondness of yukari as a result of that, even if its usually accompanied by teasing, she has gratitude towards her for being the person that opened her mind.

and yknow. it is mutual. eventually. however brief the moments are.

idk idk obviously the circumstances for each of their actions are very different but i will never get over just how much the way that mitsuru carries herself influences kikuno whether either of them realize it or not.

shes watched mitsuru tear herself apart to protect takeharu longer than anyone. its no surprise that shes so snappy and intense and protective of her the entire time she's home. she positions herself as the person that takes care of mitsuru where mitsuru doesnt care for herself.

and you have to consider beyond the overall 'she loves her that is the person she would die for' she just watched mitsuru shatter from pursuing and failing what she saw as the meaning of her life. and kikuno takes extreme measures to ensure it wont happen to her next.

and just ohh kikuno finally back to being completely in her element with the reassurance that mitsuru is safe that mitsuru has someone trustworthy looking out for her. its a sliver of faith despite all the risks. its learning what mitsuru had to learn, taught to her by mitsuru and the one who taught mitsuru, too. its insane. i wish they'd all explode. that's all

[terraliensvent]

im NOT defending either of the old owners but smth an anon said really rubbed me the wrong way. $300 adopts will not go as far as ppl act. It wont pay rent, and may only cover groceries for a short time. In america at least, the cost of healthcare is awful, and pair that with all other living expenses u have and its near impossible to make a living off adopts. saying “i wish u were poor so u understood hardship” is really fucked up cuz u dont know their situation or what theyve been thru. they built their own followings over the years so acting like their buyers were handed to them is also rlly weird. getting another job also aint easy in this market esp if u have a legit disability. mod pls try to atleast see where im coming from w this cuz im legit uncomfortable w how this is being talked abt. u dont have to like them to agree this is fucked up to say

post related

these are fair assessments to make (also light reminder that the opinions of anons posted here may not directly align with mine)

however, my main point of contention especially regarding civ is not “wow they must be rolling in cash from all this furry money” because obviously i know art is an unstable career (off topic fun fact thats why i had to quit my dream of becoming a storyboarder and got a more stable career)

my point regarding civ is that: many people in their comments of the bulletin are acting like civ is the ONLY person struggling. for example theres a comment calling terra mods “ableist” for even daring to restrict the amount of adopts civ makes (because again, they had to restrict the amount of adopts STAFF makes. is it fair for civ and coy to get a disproportionate amount of opportunities to profit off of terraliens, when they have both left staff and do no work on maintenance, moderating, upkeep, and progression?), the “ableist” comment acts under the assumption that civ is the only disabled, struggling artist connected to terras. it doesnt take into account that many of the staff team are also autistic/disabled, cal in particular even said how much stress he is under at the moment because of irl and species responsibilities.

and then we add on to this the fact that, from a “struggling toyhouse artist” standpoint, civ is incredibly privileged, at least probably more privileged than some/most of the staff team. civ can usually if not always rely on the fact that their adopts or commissions will sell. they can rely on the fact that they have a large fanbase, and that their friends have large fanbases. they can rely on the fact that theyre viewed favorably in other cs spaces like chams and isopups. this isnt a matter of “theyre rolling in it,” its a matter of “hey why are we acting like civ isnt still at an advantage when it comes to selling art, why are we acting like terra mods are just punching down on them when many are in the same, if not worse circumstances?” civ has the ability to sell oneoffs very reliably, and no shade to the mods or anything, but there are members of staff who were pretty unknown before terras, do you think they could leave and still be able to rely on selling one-off adopts?

THAT is what i really mean in regards to this argument, sorry i should have elaborated more before but i had a pretty heavy influx of asks coming in

[multifandomfreak]

Spoilers for TheInvisibleDavis's SCP Series

As someone who is about 3/4 through season one ish, its pretty good so far. With it being a minecraft rp, things are very aprofessional and the editor just doesnt give a flying fuck. Sometimes the bg music is way to loud, sometimes the plot is interrupted by someone needing to leave. They can take it out, but they just don't, and its incredibly frustrating. I don't love it, but like, its investing, the drama is solid, and scps are really cool.

Onto the characters themselves:

Davis- He's cold and bitter, seems to deny any sort of positivity, and is all around a bitch. He complains about pretty much anything, and I understand where he's coming from in his situation, but g o d it can get annoying. But he also has his reasons. His ability causing him to remember how he dies every time he comes back, there is an insane amount of horror this man has seen. Hes died from both scps and people over and over again. He's taken advantage of his ability and will try time and time again under the idea he can get what he wants in the end. He's become pretty messed up and depressed in this state. He's either used or waiting to be used and he will do anything to get out. A total badass, but like I get tired of him complianing. Like dude you have a bed. remember being D-class? Yeah fuckin' appreciate it before its gone and you're back at square one. You don't have to pretend to be happy, just value what you got.

And with his trust issues, he can never see the good in the people he's working with (Kat SHE DESERVES BETTER) and its both his and the foundation's fault for this. Kat had to treat him like an experiment. She had to treat d-class like that, but Davis didn't get that. He still doesn't because he REFUSES to believe any of the researchers no matter how much integrity they show. Kind of silly and annoying of him, but thats kinda how trauma works.

I also forgot to mention I really liked him early on. He was like this angry lil guy who was pissed in his circumstance. His ability was rediscovered after those anesthetics messed with his brain. The atmosphere was great. These solitary rooms as Davis sees just how large this place is in his attempts to break free. The endless staircase and the meat room were probably my favorite parts of pre-scp Davis. I liked the mystery of that a lot.

After that its just been moments where there isn't much horror to it, but the angst is really good sometimes.

Once he found out he was a father, that frustration I had with him has lessened, given that kid is the one thing that makes him happy in this personal hell of his. And he only got to see the kid once and since hes been transparent about that. The thing is the foundation doesn give a fuck, so Harkmann and Kat had to put in work just to get it to happen. Again, Davis just doesn't think they care. I think I just want him to be a better person... and like maybe his son will do that. That'd be very sweet.

I also find it funny that Davis's self insert is a jacked badass who cannot die.

Kat- I like her. I didn't have much to say about her for a good chunk of the series, but she's the embodiment of "trying her best :'(" Shes new to her job, she just wants to help people, and shes gone through some awful stuff. For one, shes had to live through some horrific events. Containment breaches, held at gunpoint, stalked to the point where she couldn't stay in her own home, and kidnapped by that Cain cult. She lies that her kindness is for the complicity of Davis. That's just... tragic. At least she has a good relationship with Dr. Harkmann.

SPEAKING OF:

Dr. Harkmann- He's complicated for me. On one hand he came off as pretty kind and thoughtful of his fellow researchers, but if you get on his bad side, he can be brutal. That's sounds cool, but it hurts from the fact Davis had to go through some more torture after he blackmailed the foundation and Kat's life. He got pretty protective of her and goes pretty easy on her compared to the other colleages. It's not out of sexism so I respect that greatly. But kinda like Davis he can be a bitch. He feel like he has to put on this mask to be a cold and collected scientest and see any SCP as an experiement, no matter the sentience. He was also kind of taught to be that way. Idk his story is cool, I'm just not a big fan of who he is.

Reggie- Not enough screentime or standout scenes to form an opinion. He developed a hatred for Davis after... something went wrong. 99% sure it was the gunpoint situation, but it could have also been the time he knew he was killed. The time where- idk he was pretty chill but I just kind of stopped caring about him after some time I was watching.

Uh anyways. Good series. Lotta bad pacing (imo) so I get bored easily. 3/4 of them need therapy. Kat just got to see a therapist from where I'm at.

And otso, almost forgot him. Ill talk about him when im more awake im stupid tired.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

5, 7, 16, 18

OFC for Bryce & Jensen, but feel free to tell me about Kennedy, too.

And answer this one MF. lol JK JK

thanks for the ask lol (i think ill save kennedys for another time as im currently working more on their character)

5. How did you figure out your oc's identity?

none of my characters are cis/straight so for me its just a matter of figuring out What they are, not If they are. jensens was pretty easy to figure out ngl bc he has a very similar standpoint as i do. i gave him a label coming into the fandom, but as time has gone on i realized that he is just not a person for labels and just prefers to Be (like myself). his aspec identity took a little longer just bc i was trying to write him as allo and shocker i failed, so after admitting that maybe he wasnt the rest just fell into place

okay and bryces i knew since like,, book 2. i came into the fandom everyone and their mother was having a fit that bryce wasnt proposing to mc by book 1 but like,, did we ever consider that that was for a reason? maybe the fact that he took 3 books to even want a relationship had something to do with him being demiro? (but no, ofc not, bc god forbid we expect the allos and straights to willingly admit that characters might be aspec). n e ways hes so obviously demiro and to see that erased may hurt my aspec self a little but thats fine :') as far as him being pan, he will just flirt with anyone and everyone all the time and it is a threat. he doesnt give two fucks about gender, if he vibes w someone, he's interested, and thats been clear since day one

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

not really, no. jensen is still,, iffy on gender (its so hard for him to explain like he doesnt really relate to the idea of being a man but masculinity is fine but he doesnt quite feel androgenous or anything Else enough to go by they/them pronouns--its just a lot for him lol) so thats something that he def questions a lot. but as far as sexuality, hes perfectly comfortable going by queer/grayace and thats what feels right to him. same for bryce, hes comfortable and confident in his identities, so nothing would really make him question it

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

yes ofc bc they develop and evolve like actual people, not just stagnant character sheets. jensen wasnt aspec originally, nor did he go by queer. i changed it bc, as i got to understand and know this version of him better, i realized he 1. wasnt allo lol but 2. wouldn't have been too keen on labels, either

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

it depends honestly. i think choices fandom (and people in general) is overly obsessed w character sexuality labels (considering how many straight creators there are and how few queer creators there are). honestly i wouldve loved to leave jensen label-less/unspecified because realistically i think thats just how he is (even if people ask, even about his aspec identity, he'll just say queer bc he doesnt really care), but coming into the fandom, that didnt really feel like an option. and for characters like bryce, im happy to label him because i feel that its an important part of his character, not just in my hc but should be important in all hcs. im happy to label him bc, not only do i find it important as an aspec person to see that aspec representation (considering that nearly everyone in this fandom would cry if they had to actually accept that characters in relationships can still be aspec--especially confirmed aspec characters, but thats for another time), but i also think its just a huge part of his character and something he would be really proud of

[mangostarjam]

@by your side:

fuji!!!!! im sobbing again;; hoshina worry about literally everyone!! but himself!! literally on the brink of death and his biggest concern is his favorite person??? because he /knows/ you'd cover his platoon just as well as he would (and trust be damned,, it's his truth that you /will/ take care of them like your life depends on it)

honest to god i'm so in love with the way you depict hoshina's demeanor in general (even in angst) because there's a good balance in his lighthearted quips and the heavy weight of his kindness and concern for others. also love sm how his affection and attention are hardly overbearing, like it's so soft and fluffy?? and how he never shies away from the fact that he loves the reader, he wears it proud like a badge of honor (he gave you access to his private comms line ffs)

(hc: he tells you its for "learning purposes", but really its so you can keep easy tabs on him bc he knows you're such a worrywart and HE'S worried the lack of updates when he's deployed might distract you too badly one day. if anything, under normal circumstances it provides a healthy amount of friendly competition. just another sly way to keep him on your mind LOL)

(actually i can't tell if they're in an established relationship in the beginning, or it was just super hard flirting from his end that tumbled its way into a funny way of asking the reader out by the end of the fic,,, but honestly i vibe so hard either direction it doesnt matter all that much)

im having a kinda tough time with school and finals rn, but i keep re-reading ur fics because they give such quality serotonin boosts. been powering through pretty well though if i do say so myself! hope you've been doing good too :)) remember to do hand stretches, take breaks, and stay hydrated. love youu 🫶

- 🧸

HI TEDDY BEAR ANON I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

i can't even describe how happy getting this ask made me asdfghjkl but yes!! i totally agree with your headcanon... he would be trying to find ways to stay on your mind... but he's still gotta do his job! and trusting that you can both do your jobs is such a big thing when they've got lives on the line. they're just friends in the beginning but when you call him by his first name in the medbay is when he thinks maybe it's time to take the leap. the fact that you slipped up when formalities come so easily to you... he's got a chance. a very big chance.

i hope your studies and finals and things are going well!!! i'm so honored my fics are helping your spirits 😭 and thank you for the reminder to stay hydrated asdjfjdjkl i always need that. this month is actually going to be mad bonkers busy for me and i will be cheering you on too!!

[habeascorpseus]

im curious, what do you consider ooc for grian? i agree w you completely but i would like to know 👁👁

ohoho *takes a BIG sip of my 5 hour energy and slams it on my bedside stool*

okay, so i HOPE this doesnt become a big old rant, because i really should sleep, but, the thing people misunderstand about him MOST, which therefore sort of branches into most other mischaracterizations i see with his character, is that he's not an asshole.

he's also not not an asshole.

here's what i mean: grian's moral compass is looser than a door without hinges, but his honor, and the honor of others, holds priority. in season 8 during the boatem prank war with big eyes, he aptly called his policy, "prank hard, clean up harder."

for the more innocuous offenses he commits, like pranks, and minor amounts murder, he will almost always feel bad and offer to help clean up if he feels like what he did is "too much." "too much" is dependent on circumstance, but most often it includes permanent loss of valubles- like armor, large amounts of resources, and hard to obtain items- which he will attempt to replace or make up for with helping the unfortunate recipient of his ill-fated prank with chores. "too much" also includes griefing and base editing whether it be accidental or on purpose- most notable examples being in season 7 when keralis discovered the "removing stuff from keralis' base" challenge, and rebuilding part of scar's base in season 8 after accidentally getting it blown up. if he feels like it's even partially his fault, he'll almost always offer to help fix the mess, even if he does complain about it the entire way though.

so he likes to fuck with people- he doesnt like permanent damage. that doesnt mean he doesnt occasionally want to cause permanent damage, such as in the life series, but he also often needs a reason to cause damage like losing lives or permadeath.

renchanting trap? scar wasn't doing his job properly as the only red life. tnt base trap? home no longer safe, revenge for pizza. killing jimmy and mumbo in last life? they provoked him and were reaping the consequences. killing bigb and ren in double life? they provoked him by (to his knowledge) being the cause of scar's death as a yellow life. no matter what death grian has personally called in the life series, either before or after it took place, you can find an instance of grian saying why he felt he needed to do it. and if the death is accidental, or accidental collateral damage, he tries to make up for it with his time and energy. (like with the physical objects.)

i see a lot of fics on ao3 with the tag "grian is an asshole in this one, sorry", and i dont normally read those, because those just leave a bad taste in my mouth- but i also see a lot of fics unintentionally write grian as more of a jerk because they forget he abides by honor. its not that grian isnt a murderer, its that he needs a reason to do it- or he'll excuse it after the fact with a reason. its not that grian isnt reckless with other people's lives, its that if he realizes the damage he causes is permanent he balks at doing it. its not that grian isnt an asshole, its that he likes to piss off people but wouldn't dream of purposefully damaging his friendships. grian, as a character, is defined by his willingness to push boundaries and his hesitance to cross the line. and far too often, people forget these two coexisting facts, and write grian as only being one or the other.

again, this is all mostly opinion and writing advice, and ive read fics where grian was ooc that i still enjoyed. but also sometimes you just look at a fandom and you're like "wow youre so valid but youre also wrong!" and occasionally i do be feeling that. in the end what matters is that the fic was fun to write, and the rant resulting from that is also fun to write. goodnight all,

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

hi can i please request one where levi's s/o is sort of like him in personality but just melts whenever theres a baby. like she'll see a baby in town and will go from silent and moody to the heart eyes emoji but a person, or she'll babysit her neice or nephew or cousin and will be just so loving and bubbly? like its obvious that she wants to be a mum but she never brings it up because she doesnt think he wants kids and eventually they get pregnant + his reaction? sorry if this is too much (1/2)

ΑΝΟΟΟΟΝ IM BLUSHING THANK YOU SO MUCH. I really loved this request and it inspired me so I pushed before others because I had to get it out of my system. I hope you like this. It's super duper long also👉👈

Warnings: uhh pregnancy, mentions of anxiety

Tags: fluff, domestic Levi, pregnancy, modern au

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Baby Fever

Your heartbeat grew louder with each passing second as Mike abused the door with one too many knocks. You didn't know if you could talk, or breath or do anything other than vomiting though this time from the anxiety building at the pits of your stomach and not due to your very recent event of morning sickness.

"Are you alright in there?"

You choke on your own voice as you try to huff a single response. It's not really up to your judgement of you're alright or not but rather in the small white object's that rests between the thumbs and pointer fingers of each of your hands. You contemplate if there's a way to not raise any more suspicion to the blond male, you're at his house for all that matters. Nanaba called you to take care of their their twins and you happily complied to your half sister's pleas because Mike had a very important job interview. Life had taken a toll on him lately, they couldn't afford a babysitter and he was just recently fired due to his company having to cut down expenses thanks to the pandemic. Amidst this pandemonium he had to find a way to provide for his family and help Nanaba with at least a short monthly salary. So babysitting your beloved niece and nephew wasn't much of a problem. Not until now.

At first it hadn't bothered you that your period was late, you had accepted the pcos lifestyle the hard way ever since you first got it. You would track down your period in hopes you could ever predict when it would come again but it always seemed to surprise you. Sometimes it would come in a months notice only to take four months to do a full circle. At twenty three, this was the most positive outturn as a resolution to your problem. Levi was pushing you to eat healthy and exercise to get a better grip of your situation, even though you knew it was in vain. And thus, overall it didn't bother you that you hadn't had your period still, fatigue and breast inflammation were also common problems due to hormonal abnormalities so you chose not to pay any attention to those early signs either.

What had driven you to urge Levi to drop you off to the drugstore next to Nanaba's house though was that you've been having symptoms of morning sickness for almost a week now, that you had tried to push aside for Levi not to notice. He would quarantine you on your on your own and go stay with Erwin and Hange had he any suspicion of you being down with the stomach flu. The stomach flu though didn't feel like that and you knew, you had been through it one too many times, this was something different and yet you cursed at yourself for overthinking it. You had bought the pregnancy test as something that was supposed to turn out negative, as a positive resolution that you weren't pregnant and that you should quest for whatever it was that was making your stomach turn and twist every morning.

Upon finally opening the door in an attempt not to delay Mike who wanted to attend his interview, the blond male inspected your form with a harsh gaze. "You shouldn't push yourself if you're sick. We could call my mother to watch over Eli and Blaire."

"No." You pushed it off. "I'm fine Mike, it's probably that weird mushroom soup I ate yesterday, Levi insisted on not buying it but I didn't listen."

"I see." Mike said scrunching his nose at the process. Sometimes you hated that he knew you so well that he could even smell you lying, but he was Nanaba's childhood friend before her mother married your father and had you; you had practically grown up with the blond duo so for all you knew, even if he was certainly aware that you were lying he didn't push things further. He simply placed a hand on your shoulder, the brother like nature of his touch as assuring as one can be. "If you need anything call me, I'll answer as soon as possible, drink lots of water and don't wear yourself down."

You bore your eyes into his and nodded simply. Mike greeted the twins with reluctance and let out a sigh before fixing his suit perfectly on his shoulders. The small kids smiled bubbly in return and waved at their father enthusiastically. As soon as the door closed and their father got out of sight both children jumped on you with loud giggles. The act alone was enough to curl your lips into an upward position.

By noon you had fed and lulled the kids to sleep, earning some significant time to sink into the crevices of the feathery soft sofa before Nanaba came back from her shift. As tiring as Eli and Blaire were you enjoyed their teeny company. You didn't mind their lack of ability to form full understandable sentences yet, you loved how they didn't even try to spare a second thought on what they bubbled on about and you did your best to provoke them to speak correctly. They would open their arms for you, their tiny palms signaling you to take them into long affectionate hugs as they called a baby spoken version of your nickname and you would melt at it every single time. Everyone knew you much you loved the chubby cheeked sweethearts, as much as it contrasted with your usual demeanor. There was something that truly made you feel like the best version of yourself when you were around them.

Babies seemed to be a hot topic in your group of friends for a couple of months now, ever since you started helping Nanaba in the house before Mike got fired. Levi seemed very unbothered by the subject in a way that saddened you almost; sure, you might have talked about it in the past, being that he was a little older than you and he might have understood that you longed to be a mother one day, but that was as far as that one conversation had gone. He still had that bored, stoic gaze that slipped off of yours when you would encounter a baby in the street, whereas you would basically make heart eyes and weird grimaces to any infant he would just click his tongue and avert his gaze away, to any other direction as if he disapproved off your fondness.

That memory alone left you hollowing inside as you recalled of the two very much pink lines on the screen of the test this morning. Naturally you would check with a doctor before jumping to conclusions, there still was a chance that the test was at fault and you wanted to bet on simply that. If the case was that you were actually pregnant though things were more complicated than you wanted them to be. For instance you were still in University, for your last year at that, but you had excessive amounts of studying to get your hands on your degree and Levi was cornered and ready to be squished by his job for being a vice president, which was unfair as he worked for Erwin. You understood the situation though as Erwin was struggling to keep the company going especially through these rough rough times. There was also the fact that you were terrified of Levi asking you to put the baby down, with pcos wearing your system down you were panicking that you wouldn't have a chance to conceive a baby later on. What if this was your only chance? You've always longed to be a mother so it didn't matter that it came to you this early right?

The sound of the front door clicking open shook you off your thoughts immediately. For better or for worse it was Nanaba that had finally returned, eager to strip herself of her clothes and face mask and run to the bathroom. She offered you small greeting to which you only nodded, your tired mind ordering your eyes to find comfort at small shapes in the ceiling. You didn't know how long your sister took in the bathroom, but judging by the lack of giggling coming from the babies' room you supposed it wasn't for long.

"You want to wait for Levi to come pick you up or should I give you a ride home when Mike's back? He should be home soon!" She spoke as she poured water in a red metallic boiler.

"I'll just walk. I need some air."

Nanaba emitted a soft hum in response "Are you alright? You seem off."

"Oh no." You brushed her off "I was just thinking about what I should wear at Erwin and Hange's anniversary dinner next week, and what gift to buy Levi now that his birthday is coming."

"Good, I see, just don't stress alright?"

___

The way home was longer than you had initially remembered, whether it was for your inability to walk with a steady pace or mostly because it was already getting dark and cold. You wondered if Levi would be getting home by now as you neared the apartment complex the two of you resided in. By the looks of your illuminated window he was already home as expected of him this certain hour. It probably was one of those days when he didn't have a strict deadline to attend to, which, under normal circumstances, only meant more cuddles and kisses for you. Yet, tonight was different.

"Hey Levs" Your voice lingered in his brain the moment you stepped inside.

"Hey brat, welcome home." The kiss you left on his cheek as you hurriedly headed to the bathroom was different, off almost, and he picked up on it immediately. "Did Nanaba drop you off? I had asked Mike to come by tonight, he said he'd bring some tea leaves he bought for me."

He leaned at the frame of the door as he watched you wash every crevice of your face thoroughly, paying enough attention to the insides of your outer nasal cavity. He was pretty meticulous about hygiene and especially at times like these with a hole pandemic going on he wasn't taking any chances, you knew, plus you were kind of disgusted of germs lately yourself, you thought you finally understood where he was coming from. He took a few steps ahead, away from your body in search of a clean face towel to hand out to you when you were done. You have it to him, even if he seemed cold as stone that domestic lifestyle was mesmerizing to you.

"Thanks baby, you're the best." You half smiled.

"You good?"

At this point you wondered if you seriously we're so easy to read. You supposed you were off, but you were always off and unresponsive to many things so what exactly was it about today that made everyone know you had a conflict in your mind.

"Yeah I'm just tired, I walked here."

Levi clicked his tongue at that "Nanaba's home is very far away from here, have a shower and I'll rub your legs and feet." With eyes that never left yours Levi watched as your face lit up a little more, he gave you a tiny of a smile on return.

"You prooomise Levs?" You knew teasing with him could only lead to one thing, yet you did it shamelessly.

"Tch, of course, hurry up, I'm making pancakes with eggs and bacon."

Normally at the very sound of this particular food your eyes would water and your mouth would drool but the unresponsive nature of your expression only sent a new wave of worry through Levi's chest. As much as he had wanted to convince himself you were just tired, he couldn't, not after this reaction to your favorite snack. He decided not to push you into saying anything you didn't want to though. Maybe it was that enormous amount of notes you had to memorize for your next exams in addition to your fatigue and any hormonal altercations.

"Yeah" you trailed off "babe, about that, can we have cocktail shrimp? And maybe fried rice and fries? Pretty pretty please?"

Ah, there it was. Although it was a rare occasion for you not to be in the mood of his infamous pancakes, you could still have a few different cravings from time to time. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he proceeded your order trying to figure of where he should order from, last night's mushroom soup had messed your stomach up, that he knew, but you seemed to be fine now so in theory that should be enough to prevent him from whining out his concerns.

As he closed the door to the bathroom he hummed his favorite tune to himself, softly enough as not to disturb you with your bath. He picked up his phone from the kitchen table with ease before collapsing on the couch, there was a limit to what his body could take and he had surpassed that by far these past few months. Endless deadlines that took turns one after another and extra hours at the office had been killing him, mentally and physically, making him a little more grumpy than usual. In great addition his back ached, his fingers were sore and his mind felt like canned alphabet soup every single night. Perhaps, seeing him in this state was taking a toll on you as well; you were always so protective over him, almost like a mother to her child, despite being younger, and he if he had to, he'd admit he enjoyed it a little too much than he should have.

When you came out of the bathroom he gazed over you briefly, you were sitting before the end of the dresser, standing in front of the full body mirror, examining your form. He seemed to be puzzled by your demeanor once again. Normally, or up until yesterday, you would have immediately shot out to where he was seated at to plough into his arms with wet hair, only to slightly irritate him for getting him wet, not that he didn't enjoy to smell your fresh scent anyway, but it was a game of routine for you by now. It was almost as if you were seeking to be scolded at for not rushing to dry your hair. He always wanted you as healthy as ever.

You couldn't shake off your head how soft Levi's chest is. There probably wasn't a reason as to why he's sleeping shirtless tonight, your apartment was very warm, given that it was the start of December already, but you didn't complain. The feeling of creamy, milky soft skin, perfectly excused by any coarse hair was slowly putting you to sleep. You loved how Levi was so soft everywhere you touched, it was so unlike what the world perceived of him, maybe your baby's skin was going to be as smooth and perfect as his and not as dry and oily as yours. Of course the baby's skin was going to be soft, ugh and those little arms and legs, you couldn't lie to your self, deep down you were just a tad excited to have a baby, if it meant that it would look like Levi you wouldn't want to give up on it for the world.

"Levi, does Kenny keep baby pictures of you?"

"What?" The onyx haired male raised a brow at your inquiry but didn't give you enough time to repeat yourself before he answered. "My mother had so many pictures of me so I guess that it's natural that he has some and well there probably are a few pictures from after my mother's death, I'm not that sure."

In response, he only earned a hum.

"Tch, can I lay on your chest? I want you to play with my hair." His eyes pleaded with you in the darkness. Of course you could never say no to such thing, you loved it even more when he was the one sleeping on you. Another sentence left his lips, this time with a yawn as he shifted himself on you, cooing like a small child. "I'll call Kenny tomorrow, sleep now I know you need it."

____

Under any other circumstance you would have loved seeing everyone's dumbfounded faces stating at you as if they had seen the dead rise from their graves. You had to pinch your arms to remind yourself this was indeed serious and you shouldn't let out a single chuckle.

"Please tell me you're joking" Nanaba pleaded, placing her hand on yours in disbelief.

"I'm going to screeeeeam! Shorty can't even hold it in, ghaaaa!"

"Hange he will hear you through the restroom."

Hange blinked her eyes rapidly at the sound of that. "You haven't told him?" She immediately seemed to lose her enthusiasm, something you hadn't intended to happen, especially at such a night, but you knew you didn't have a say in other people's emotions.

"Hange he never seemed too fond of the idea, why would I complicated things for him?"

Mike's eyes widened in disbelief. There was no way in hell he was having this. You were practically his little sister, seeing you so tormented as you were in the moment when you spoke those words ravaged his last nerve, causing anger to clench his hands into fists. He watched as you took a small bite of your food giving the rest to Eli who was comfortably sitting on your lap, tapping his little hands on the rim of your plate. Other than the fact you broke out such news to him, Nanaba Hange and Erwin and had expressed your fears on informing your significant other, you seemed quite bubbly. Children really did bring out such a soft side of you, he knew that was for sure.

"Hange" you spoke, unphased as ever "Levi's coming please stop screaming at me, i love you but it's only making me dizzy."

It felt as if a thousand pairs of eyes were burning holes through his whole body, his head, and everywhere around his personal space bubble. Levi could feel his pulse tense just a tad, Hange's unnerving gaze and her crippling smile were fixated especially on him, making his nose itchy. There was something very different in the atmosphere around him; Nanaba wasn't eating anymore, she was more fixated on her daughter than anyone else, Erwin was nervously staring between him and you and you and Mike were trying to clean Eli's hands from the food he had just touched. When the scenery wasn't something irregular, none of you dared look eachother in the eyes, beat it that Hange was staring only at him.

"Oi, what the fuck is wrong-"

"Levi, shorty! Does Eli look like he's enjoying himself in (y/n)'s arms?" Hange turned her sweetened gaze on you, making you choke on your words, you shot her an atrociously strict glare. "Remember when Nanaba gave birth? What do you think about babies? Maybe you think they smell a lot? But what about ackerbabies?"

"Way to be discreet Han, thank you!" Your lips puckered in anger as you brought your arms to cross under your chest.

"Wait what's going on shitty glasses?"

"Yada Yada shorty, you're not getting a word from me, my lips are sealed" Hange spoke and shut her eyes to emphasize the significance of her words.

You sighed in a pathetic attempt to relieve some tention of your chest. A tight knot had formed due to anxiety, fog had clouded over your brain and you were feeling so faint and exhausted that you just wanted to get it over with. You didn't mind standing there like a fish out of water after breaking the news to him, the tention in the air was in fact what was making you suffocate in your seat. With wobbly hands you pushed Eli off your lap, not caring about the moan of disagreement he made and you shot up from your seat, announcing you had to take some fresh air. Levi had to stop Nanaba mid tracks to be able to come after you, fast enough to be there when you got out.

Naturally, you stood seated at a bench that neared the restaurant. Your hands were covering your face scratching softly through your hair, probably in attempts to calm your self down. He approached you without any second thought, this time determined to know what was it with you. Your behavior these past week had been unnerving and overly concerning to say the least. Carefully he sat himself down next to you, his right arm come around your frame comfortingly while the left one came to caress underneath your cheek.

"You should probably talk to me."

Your voice came muffled from between your palms as you still hadn't dared to look him in the eye. "Levi, I'm, I'm so sorry it's just... I'm very anxious."

"I think I figured that, brat." His voice was so soothing, it felt as if he was speaking to you in the comfort of your private room, not on a bench outside a semi fancy restaurant

"You know when Hange talked about ackerbabies she uhm, she might have had a particular baby in mind."

Levi blinked erratically for a single second before his mouth, unable to compel to his brain's orders, formed the shape of an oh. Of course, in the moment it was hard to click with any other even but he attributed that to his lack of knowledge over the situation. Had he any clue or suspicion that you could be pregnant he would have been able to realise that it wasn't that your stress had been messing with your stomach every morning and that your extreme fatigue couldn't possible align with the erratically swift rhythm of your palms. Of course, of course it wasn't a thermometer that you had disposed of in the toilet, he wanted to slap himself for being so naive as to believe that. He was strict with recycling rules, you wouldn't have just straight up there s thermometer in the trash. Fuck now's not the time to think about recycling.

With the soft, chaste kiss at the top of your hair you finally decided to turn your gaze to him. Watery eyes met with an adoring grey gaze, a gaze you've never seen at this extreme before. "I love you, you know." Another kiss meant your head got to lift a little more, just to get closer to him. "I don't say it often but you don't have to worry, I'll try to tell our kid more often."

Your eyes shimmered with adoration at his words, despite the cold weather you couldn't bring yourself to feel not even a little tingle, Levi was keeping you so warm with his words. "Really? You want this?"

"Tch why wouldn't I, you thought I'd ever let you go and leave me lonely? I've always thought you knew we're sharing the same future."

Your lips attacked his in fiery passion. It was a natural reaction to his words, an ice melting kiss, a promise for the future. There were many reasons as to why you lived Levi but maybe the fact that you would have a little stoic faced baby running around your feet made you love him a little bit more.

[antiloreolympus]

11 Anti LO Asks

1. TBH to me im also confused reading LO bc it both takes itself way too seriously but also not at the same time? like it wants us to feel like its this grand dramatic epic that takes serious issues and all, only to be so full of slapstick and juvenile "humor" and hip "relatable" humor that its like?? well which one is it then??

2. Im glad im not the only one who noticed, at least in terms of their relationship to hades, persephone and minthe are exactly the same. the difference is minthe has everything to lose, has no support and she doenst "deserve" him, meanwhile persephone has everything, gets everything, and "deserves" hades because she coddles him and she conforms to him & his wants, which minthe never do. im not saying minthe doesnt have her issues, but her not doing exactly what he wanted lead to her demise.

3. i love the excuse of constantly making lo persephone naked is "being accurate to ancient art" because one thats not how ancient art was?? only aphrodite and maybe amphitrite were depicted without clothes, but even that most of that was a post-antiquity/roman trend to show they could do anatomy correctly, but more so persephone specifically (minus the bernini statue which wasnt in ancient times) was always clothed? like yall just make up whatever to excuse rachel being wrong no matter what, huh?

4. LO is hardly the only romance comic to have this issue but it def runs off he fact the readers knowing theyll get together in the end to excuse its actual lack of developing them as a couple. rachel basically made two characters who wouldnt even talk to each other under normal circumstances and is just running off them being well known instead of making their relationship actually make sense. if we didnt know they were a canon myth couple, would anyone buy theyre in love? Probably not.

5. i see an excuse that LO's characterization should be excused because "rachel is making them complex" and its like ... the greek gods?? need to be made complex?? what are you lot on to think rachel is "improving" on the gods, esp when theyre just made into one note assholes with her deciding if theyre "good" or not depending on if they kiss persephone and hades' ass or not.  thats not complexity??

6. rachel literally cannot help herself to overemphasize how child like persephone is while also doing the same to emphasize how old and weird hades is and then still acts shocked people think its a creepy relationship? like you cant constantly make a point hes an old man lusting after a barely legal young woman and then be up in arms that people get weirded out by it.

7. oh my god the trial IS going into december and maybe even longer. she literally stretched it over months when it could have been at most three weeks. i hate it here.

8. RS is really just throwing whatever she can at the wall at this point isn't she. Here, now Hades has titan powers for no reason! He can turn into a spider now! Persephone made elysium now and has to teach him torturing the dead is wrong! Meanwhile other plots are either rushed (Daphne, Minthe) or that should be wrapped up by now or even have a little focus on them is just ignored, dropped, or retconned in some weird way, Like girl, take a month off and plan this out on a google spreadsheet.

9. the funny part about how pissed rachel gets at being accused of "stealing from percy jackson" is ... she unintentionally does? like PJO popularized "persephone was a b-tier nobody before marrying hades", promoted demeter was irrational helicopter mom, and also (incorrectly) popularized titans being literal giants, all of which rachel put in LO. now she probably only picked these up from tumblr posts but those are from PJO, so in a roundabout way she did kind of steal from PJO, just unknowingly.

10. this is nitpicky but i hate the in universe and fandom "joke" kore is some corn joke bc one) corn is from mexico, but so wouldnt wheat or barley be more accurate? but two) kore is not pronounced "core", its pronounced "core-ey", so the joke doesnt work on both a food or a pronunciation front. like this is supposed to be so well researched and accurate yet it doesnt know how to pronounce the main characters name or knows what actual food grows in greece and was connected to demeter.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

11. FP// Hades being a grown adult and not realizing torturing the dead for eternity especially the innocent is in fact a bad thing to do is not cute, it confirms hes a deranged psychopath and having some random 20 year old having to "teach" him that is even worse?? esp bc that same 20 year old doesnt care about the dead, she only cares about her own conscious. idk how rachel took complex beings and made them straight up evil but expects her to "sympathize" w/ them but here we are.

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[elfdyke]

wow thanks! that was a really in depth post about it you make good points! when I played I definitely got the sense that monika had encouraged sayori to kill herself and I didn’t get the sense of any remorse when natsuki or yuri died or got fucked up but I guess u do make some good points there about how she was just trying to make them less desirable rather than kill them. I’m new to the game and the fandom so im not super familiar with everything yet but is there anything in the canon or lore that points away from monika having pushed sayori to commit suicide or is it mostly just fan theories and personal readings? either way thank u so much for answering!

yes i can absolutely find you some info on that!

there's quite a bit of information hidden within the games files, so I'm kind of assuming if you're new to the game, that you might not have seen these things? so ill dive into them too!

I'm gona do this under the cut so i can like, dissect things from the game !

(also i found stuff thats specifically pointing away from her meaning actual harm/death for Both yuri and sayori, jsyk)

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.txt (discovered in game files during act 2)

“All I want is for you to hate them. Why is that so hard.”

not, all i want for them is to die. she doesnt want to kill them. she wants to separate us from them so we are with Her, not them. things spiral out of control, but it was never her intention for things to get this bad. ntm its repeated over and over in this game how badly monika wants to die. she's hanging on by a thread, keeping on only because she wants to be with us, to be in contact with reality. this leads to really unfortunate circumstances but i really strongly believe everything in the text alludes to the fact she did Not want things to get this bad

ACT 3 INTRO:

(im copy pasting a transcript of the monologue here, but this is taken from the very beginning of act 3, which you can see in this video starting at 25:56)

imo this is all the proof needed to show that she really had no intention of ‘killing’ sayori and yuri. things spiraled out of control far beyond what she was capable of handling. 

her goals with making sayori more depressed and yuri more obsessive were, in here words “to just try to make them as unlikable as possible”. she didnt want her friends to brutally die!! she loved them q_q i feel like a lot of people really dont look at this specific part of what she says and take it to heart. its very telling for her character and important for understanding what she does and why she does it

ACT 3 MONOLOGUES:

sayori's hanging (cw: graphic descriptions of suicide)

dialogue of importance:

"I was thinking about Sayori earlier... I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

+

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in." "So you can't really fault her for that." "It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?" "It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently." "So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself." "I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill." "Still, though..." "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go?" "I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together." "But what's the point when none of it is even real?" "I mean, it's the same ending either way, right?"

ok so whats important here, is monika is essentially using us, the player, as a mirror in act 3? the things she says i believe, very strongly show her sense of uncertainty in her actions, and her fears of what if she could have done something else??

"even though you could have saved her, its technically not your fault she killed herself" reads SO much to me like shes trying to comfort herself with this, she doesnt want it to be her fault. nothings real, sayori's a character in a game. but she wishes so badly they could have just been normal girls living together.

happy end poem

OK SO LIKE. this is actual proof of Why she does everything she does. she's scared if she reaches out and tells us she's trapped in a game, we'll stop playing, we'll kill her. she tinkers with the game, trying to make herself look the best, trying to make us choose her, and nothing works. and this leads to her becoming frustrated and scared, and screwing with the game more and more desperately trying to do anything to save herself.

if you recall, in act 2, she gives you a poem which bluescreen the computer. this was actually an attempt she makes to escape the game q_q she never wanted to kill yuri, she never wanted things to escalate like that. she wanted to get out but she had no idea how to program her way out of the game, resulting in everything crumbling around her, and her friends dying.

my own route

hang on this one genuinely makes me so upset.

it very much relates back to how in the conversation about sayori's suicide, she's still clearly thinking about how things could be Different. shes thinking about how they could be normal. "I may not have needed to take such drastic measures to be with you. Maybe the rest of the club would still be around..." , and then immediately trying to convince herself it doesnt matter, and that she doesnt care.

its so so obvious shes hurting and she misses her friends. the additional "i really dont (miss them)" at the end really shows that shes desperately trying to convince herself that it was worth it, that she did everything she should have, and her friends dont matter. but they clearly do matter to her. she loved them (she couldnt even delete them if u recall)

also another important part about this monologue, a lot of people say she killed the other girls out of jealousy, but this shows thats not true??

"I think I would end up forcing you onto my route anyway." "It has less to do with me not having a route, and more to do with me knowing that nothing is real."

this wasnt because shes 'in love' with us. she wanted to be close to something real, something tangible. she's clinging onto us, the player character, like someone lost at sea with a piece of driftwood, doing everything she can to stay afloat

wine

ok this isnt on the surface level as important as the other ones, but literally look at how she talks about this memory.. she misses them so much and talking about this memory she clearly cherishes brings her so much joy. she doesnt belittle any of them, she doesnt talk down on them, she’s just reliving this memory because it makes her happy 

I HOPE THIS HELPS?? im sure theres a few more things im forgetting, but i did my best to scrabble up everything i could to show how monika’s not an evil mastermind, shes a scared girl who didnt realize what she was doing and when things got too bad, she did her best to fix it, only for it to get worse n worse

edit: oh heres the proof that monika always loved the girls and never actually deleted them

:’)

edit 2: haha.. um ouch

“It’s not right for me to miss things that weren’t even real in the first place.” shes forcing herself to try and ignore her feelings for the other girls

[obwjam]

pls ma'am.... ur headcanons for the hargreeves siblings finding a tiny...

IT’S FEEDING TIME

diego: would be very soft with any tiny he found under any circumstance. very much the stereotypical leans down, gasps, eyes are wide, staring at the tiny in utter fascination, asking for their name, promising that he won’t hurt them. he would insist on taking the tiny to safety and he immediately hides all his weapons because lawd knows what a million giant knives would look like to someone so small. he would offer them food and shelter and companionship and he would be super duper protective. like constantly going out of his way to keep them safe and make sure they didnt get into any trouble. also is a very good listener and is very understanding of them and their feelings. he never makes the tiny feel lesser

allison: she is a mother to the MAX. like so insanely protective of a tiny the way a mother protects her young. when she finds the tiny she wouldn’t even ask them what they wanted to do, she would just carefully scoop them up and b like “yeah you’re coming home with me and you’re my child now.” very much a helicopter parent in the sense that she NEVER lets the tiny go anywhere or do anything dangerous, and she sometimes has trouble remembering that they are self-sufficient, but she respects them and does it all because she cares. she makes the tiny a bed and little stuff like that to make them feel more at home. also, home cooked meals every day and every night (she is abhorred by the fact that a tiny’s diet is just stale food and crumbs)

klaus/ben: ugh. UGH. klaus would very much act demeaning without meaning to. he doesn’t see a tiny as a pet or anything like that, but he’s just obsessed with how adorable they are and he is very grabby and touchy. ben is constantly telling him to knock it off and he feels terrible that the tiny had to be found by klaus, of all the people that walk the earth. he would talk to them and obviously they cannot see or hear him but he enjoys the one-sided conversation anyway. ben is very fascinated by the tiny and likes to just look at them. klaus would lowkey pamper a tiny too, like those people who build fancy beds and rooms for their dog. he wouldn’t at all be surprised or fascinated by the existence of a tiny. he would be like “you know i kind of always suspected something was up” and it’s kind of relieving that klaus doesnt pepper them with questions or stare wide eyed at them all the time. but nevertheless he selfishly wants to keep the tiny around because he thinks they’re funky and it’s a mutually beneficial relationship where he gets another companion who can’t leave him and the tiny gets shelter, safety and food

luther: man is just the biggest dumbass of all time around a tiny. so clumsy and is constantly doing things to freak them out and he always sheepishly apologizes and then keeps doing the thing anyway. he means well, he really does, and he tries his best not to scare them too much or put them in any danger. he’s always trying to do things for the tiny to alleviate his guilt, so he’ll bring them food or find some trinket and be like “i got this for you, i thought you’d like it” and it’s like, a penny. but he’s very sweet and endearing and hey it’s the thought that counts right? is also very touchy and no matter how many times the tiny demands he ask before picking them up, he just never listens so the tiny just accepts their fate

vanya: she’d be SUPER nonchalant. like the cool aunt type. she would discover a tiny and immediately be like “do you want anything? i’m cooking dinner rn” and she just always knows what to ask and when to ask it. like after growing up as a hargreeves sibling she barely even cares that there’s a tiny person living in her walls. she’s like “aight bet we all need to survive” and she tells the tiny they can come out any time they want to take something or just to talk. vanya leaves food out for them every night and the tiny always takes it. she’s content with leaving the tiny alone, def doesn’t mind having their company but has no desire to bother them. she would help them with anything they ask and it’s very sweet. like the tiny shyly comes out and asks for water or something and vanya just goes oh yeah yeah of course! and get them water. she is a very relaxing person to be around and the tiny likes her a lot

five: hnnnnng i said this before but it would entirely depend on how five found a tiny. if he found them going through his shit and they were equally as combative, he would be a total bitch and jar them and intimidate them and everything. but if they were just really scared and clearly not looking to anger anyone, he would actually feel a great deal of sympathy and he wouldn’t be able to just forget them and leave them in danger. like he would be halfway gone, groan and then turn back around to get the tiny. he doesn’t really know what to do with them, like is he supposed to let them be free? is he supposed to keep an eye on them 24/7? but either way he figures something out and finds that he really doesn’t want to see them get hurt. he knows the world is dangerous and that hanging out with him is dangerous but he knows he can keep them safer than they would be alone. eventually it gets to a point where his enemies want to steal the tiny away from him as leverage and he would literally go fucking mad. like murdering the commission board mad. he doesn’t open up a lot but his actions are what show the tiny he really cares. five finds he would do just about anything to keep them safe and happy and it lowkey disgusts him but also he just has such a soft spot for the tiny

[homestuckexamination]

ive always thought that any of the Destruction class seem to 'ghost' the opposite aspect's general personality traits. like how Gamzee is a Bard of Rage yet he acts chill all the time. When Rage is generally thought of as 'angry, mad, insane, etc' (if you dont dig enough of course), but then when you dig into Gamzee just a tiny little bit deeper the true meaning of what his aspect is shown (him doing the murders on the meteor, that one time someone said he snapped and did a lot of damage to his black king, etc). what i mean is that Destroyers always seem to do a double reacharound with their aspects. this also applies to Kurloz (seems chill, does a lot of stuff for lord english)

another example is Dirk being seen as a cool kid and thought to be always calm and collected and never shows emotions (like how Bro is), but you dig a little deeper and its a mess of emotions down there.

at least that what i think, the only one that doesnt seem to fit with my theory is Cronus but maybe that's because i dont really know him that well

It does fit in that sense but also I think that in itself is a misunderstanding of Aspects in themselves! Rage is not only anger and madness, and Mind Players aren’t cold, collected, emotionless machines, and that is why I really dislike the Destroyer Ghosting idea, because it is based on a very basic assumption of what the Aspects have to act like.

Even working within those parameters, Gamzee for example is angry and mad, he just muddles it with Sopor. Afterwards he doesn’t even mellow out- Remember him beating Terezi within an inch of her life in Game Over? But beyond that, the seemingly ‘carefree’ and ‘helpful clown’ persona, the turncoat nature, his subtle manipulation, he’s such a chaotic and theatrical character, he fits Rage so well!

Likewise with Dirk. As I said, Mind Players aren’t emotionless, cold machines. God, look at Terezi. She’s such a complex, conflicted character with so much depth and personality and emotion. But even going by the idea, Dirk isn’t a Cold and Emotionless machine either. Even AR, a literal robot, shows himself to push an agenda because of his existential conflict- Trying to ‘help’ aid in Dirk’s romantic endeavors, trying to make something out of himself despite his major limitations. And similarly Dirk himself tries to keep a cool facade in the same way Dave does. Dirk is heavily driven by his emotions. He has a deep existential dread and fear of disappearing, of failure, of being forgotten. He has an overbearing ‘knows best’ personality, that may make him seem detached, but that stems from thinking he knows people like he knows himself, and as such is able to try and push his own personal way of being upon them. He has a deep appreciation for his friends- Trusting Jane to a fault, having such a deep appreciation with Roxy that mixes with regret of being unable to provide what she wants when they’re young, because he knows who he’s attracted to, but he also loves her deeply and platonically looking up to her, valuing her worth more than his own, seeing her as the one holding the group together and having her shit the most straight, DESPITE the fact he had to bear with drunken advances during her teens. And don’t even get me started about Dirk and Jake. Good lord that can of worms. Dirk is almost entirely driven by what he feels for others, and his fuck-ups in reading and handling them, and his own mixture of ‘knows best’ toxic behavior, and ‘you lack worth, you need to prove yourself’ insecurities.

Sorry I always go on rants when Ghosting is brought up, and I do think Ghosting has its uses! Specially also in the power sense. Like, if you Destroy Light, you’re probably leaving Void in its wake, right? so mechanical applications work like that. But when it comes to Aspects as a core of the character, none is chosen because they’re Actually More Like The Opposite. You CAN draw these ghosting or inversion parallels with many characters, not JUST Destroyers, you can see influence that goes beyond with Roleplay, and you can always see the Classpect Kernel, no matter how far gone or how different they may be in one Timeline or Another. Classpects are a majorly convoluted system with so many intertwined branches, and that is why, when people ask me about Classpects, I always mention ‘tendencies’ and ‘possibilities’. There’s not One Way for a Class, or Aspect, or Classpect to be. And often times, in different circumstances, for different people, two players with the same Classpect may literally seem like polar opposites. So yeah. That’s my take on the idea of Destroyer Ghosting.

[armorabs]

personally with me i like to think of spongebob as a great multiverse with different timelines and stuff. consistency really doesn't matter with me and if it does i like to think of spongebob taking place in one main timeline with different timelines that go off of the main timeline either in the past or future but that is just me!

if you've read any of my posts about this you know i feel pretty similarly! i dont think theres any one definitive true timeline in spongebob squarepants as a franchise - just the ones we prefer to conceptualize based on episodes we enjoy and our perceptions of them - and not even the original series sticks to one true timeline so there are a bunch of different timelines going on and some episodes exist in different timelines that arent necessarily compatible with others. i mean. its a non-continuity gag cartoon, it doesnt need to be connected in a consistent, linear fashion that makes total sense. its like looney tunes. like yeah, ill still piece together my own linear timeline because thats what i consider fun to do in my spare time but i'm not gonna take it as fact or act like anything that defies my perception is wrong or somehow defiling its own canon or whatever

so yeah, inconsistency doesnt really bother me, at least not long-term, i just also like to categorize and explain things in my own mind and keep track of roughly when things would be or should be even if they dont necessarily take place in the same timeline... even though i also think there may be a mild case of sliding timescale going on in spongebob, too, so those may not necessarily be in fixed positions either. (although so far the timescale literally only seems to affect mr krabs and plankton - with minor effects on mrs puff and karen, due to their relationships with them...)

the only thing about inconsistency that bothers me is like... when it feels like im being actively lied to or intentionally deceived. like if the plot of a story or episode says one thing and half-way through it says something totally different but acts as if it has been saying that specific thing the entire time with no basis or lead-up to the sudden change that would justify the reframing. or more specific to spongebob, herb and margie being brought back in season 12 so that they'd appear at the exact same time as cecil and bunny would be appearing in the patrick star show... while vincent waller is going on about, uh, you know, the shit he says. i tune it out a lot of the time because it annoys me. anyways, it feels intentionally ... misleading, confusing, and deceptive in a way that i don't like.

and its really the only instance of something like that that really gets to me - mostly because of the shit vincent waller had to SAY about the whole deal combined with the circumstances that got on my nerves lol

[akechicrimes]

so i wanted to talk about why i really like the way royal portrays the interactions between haru, futaba, and akechi.

in royal, insofar as i can see, haru is treats akechi with a sort of kindly polite working relationship. i actually cannot determine whether or not that’s because it’s akechi, or if it’s just because he’s a boy. her relationships with girls tend to be focused on spreading positivity and being kind, while she doesnt seem to be anything less than formal and shy with the boys--except mona, of course, but that’s a little different because he’s a talking cat.

futaba, on the other hand, seems to treat him like a potential traitor for comedic effect, which i can’t imagine she’d be doing if she thought he was going to betray them for real. (we already know what futaba did when she knew akechi was going to betray them, which was put everything on lockdown and bug his phone.) on the other hand, people do tend to make jokes about things that worry them, so akechi’s betrayal does seem to be on her mind either way.

haru is, notably, the first person to advocate for bringing akechi on the team, seconded by futaba. both of them cite the fact that they need the manpower, and both of them seem to be of the opinion that if he betrays them again, they’ll just squash him like they did the first time.

which is a very notable difference from the direction fandom interpreted that relationship. and i like the way that fandom interpreted haru and futaba as potentially never forgiving akechi for what he did, but i do think there’s a lot of merit in royal’s take.

in royal, haru and futaba’s concern seems to be primarily that he’ll backstab them again. specifically, when they’re discussing akechi joining the PT a second time, both of them reference akechi’s betrayal rather than necessarily his murders.

for some reason, the issues with wakaba and okumura aren’t even on the table. even when futaba and haru talk about losing their parents a second time in their third-tier awakenings, they talk generally about losing someone they love, like they’d died of illness, or an accident, or natural causes--like it was something unfortunate for which nobody is really to blame.

to be fair, it seems that they’ve already blamed someone: shido, who’s in jail. the situation has been resolved. they’ve done what they can to hold the people accountable to task. futaba at one point specifically says that shido is the one who killed her mother. i don’t think haru gets as far as saying “shido killed my father,” but considering the way she behaves in royal, i’m going to wager she’s on a similar page. 

the stance here seems to be that although akechi may have really truly and outrageously fucked up, the deaths of wakaba and okumura are still ultimately shido’s fault. shido was the one who ordered those hits, for one. for two, shido’s the person who created and masterminded the entire government conspiracy that eventually led to both wakaba and okumura being silenced for what they know. and, considering that okumura was the one ordering literal assassinations of his business rivals to grow his own business through his connection with shido’s conspiracy, and that okumura was assassinated because shido’s conspiracy cut him loose, we should also be fair and add that okumura’s death was partly his own fault anyway.

so, from what i can see, the attitude isn’t necessarily that haru and futaba have completely forgotten that akechi is technically the person who shot and killed their parents. but they’re also very aware that the situation was more complicated than that, that shido is primarily responsible, that akechi was a victim in his own ways, and, at the end of the day, they kind of do need him to get back to reality. 

the vibe is almost like, sort of like the p5 fandom, the PT don’t really know what to do with akechi. he’s not outright a villain. he’s not one of the PT. they’re sympathetic, although understanding that he’s done terrible things. what’re you supposed to do with that?

i think, in particular, this is reflective of a very interesting dynamic that’s widespread across royal: everyone in royal seems to be much more forgiving of akechi than akechi is.

forgiving might be a too strong of a word, but at the very least, the phantom thieves’ treatment of akechi is almost hilariously understated considering what he’s done. they sometimes rib him in mementos, but not really any more seriously than they rib, say, ryuji. there’s several mementos dialogues where people make small talk with him--nothing super personal, but general platitudes that you’d exchange with someone you don’t know extremely well, like talking about your health and good sleep. they’re notably wary of him as a potential threat on several occasions, but obviously not so wary that ann won’t cheerily talk to him about thrift-shopping. 

as uncomfortable as i imagine those group dynamics must be, from an outside perspective it’s fucking hilarious because akechi is literally just the awkward villain-turned-friend that sometimes they invite out to parties but he just stands there awkwardly in the corner because nobody knows what to fucking do with him, least of all akechi himself. 

but from a more serious perspective, i do think that again, there’s a bigger issue at play. 

saying “akechi is not the one who killed okumura, it was shido” erases the fact that akechi was--apparently--willingly involved in the operation. i think royal makes it clear that he had mixed feelings on it, and wanted to back out of it on several instances (see: his confidant with akira where he hints at bad things to come, and warns akira not to proceed), but in the end, he did still go along with it. he sure did walk into that interrogation room and make the conscious decision to shoot joker in the head. in the end, even if it wasn’t enough to refuse shido’s orders, akechi still did have some measure of agency.

in order to respect that akechi did have agency in the situation, that means he needs to be held accountable for his piece of it, which means that he feels he needs to be held accountable and tried before the law. 

so, any amount of apparent forgiveness from the phantom thieves--particularly from haru and futaba--would seem like they’re ignoring that he was (or at least felt like) a willing participant in shido’s conspiracy. 

(i would go into a further discussion about how in royal, akechi seems to hold agency as a good purely in and of itself. agency should not be given up under any circumstance, even if the rewards for doing so are immense. it doesn’t matter if maruki is solving worldwide problems with his gigantic dreamworld palace, what matters is that it’s removing free will and the ability to make your own decisions for your own life. akechi holds that nothing is worth losing your agency--nothing, not even a perfect happy end. it means a lot to him. enough that he’d insist on it, even if it means that this means insisting that he should be held accountable for all his bad decisions and murders.)

that, in turn, probably explains a lot about akechi’s insistence on returning to reality, his insistence on going to trial and being held accountable in joker’s stead, his stand-off-ish behavior with the rest of the phantom thieves. haru’s and futaba’s and the phantom thieves’ general willingness to shift the blame onto shido goes against akechi’s own insistence on himself as a meaningful actor in his own life. 

...in any event. with that analysis of royal’s character interactions out of the way, i sort of do want to address the fact that some people are unhappy that royal did not address wakaba’s and okumura’s deaths more, or centralize haru and futaba’s losses in royal’s narrative. i’ve seen 1000 takes and 1000 fanfics in which futaba and haru hold akechi accountable for their parents’ deaths and do not forgive him for it. akechi is, quite literally, the person who pulled the trigger on both of their parents, so it’s fair. and i’ve seen a lot of fanfics and fans who’ve built up haru’s and futaba’s entire characterizations on their inability to forgive akechi.

i’ve seen discourse saying that “even if it’s not really akechi’s fault that okumura died, haru’s feelings are still valid.” which is also true, of course. she did grieve over her father, and in some universes, haru would not come to the conclusion that shido is primarily to blame. i think there’s a really compelling story in which haru knows logically that her father died because of his own mistakes, flirted with a government-wide killing ring and got hiimself killed for it, and she knows that it’s shido who killed okumura, but she still cannot find it in herself to really forgive akechi. it’s a very good and cool angle that i personally like a lot.

i like those stories too, is what i’m saying. it’s not the route that royal went with, clearly. but i sort of wanted to throw my hat in the ring about why i think that the interactions between haru, futaba, akechi, and the general PT in royal are also interesting in their own right.

EDIT: literally JUST saw this really good compilation post of haru and akechi’s mementos dialogue!!!