#cie-reads

[cie-reads]

Currently Reading 🌟 The Old Kingdom by Garth Nix.

I borrowed these from my girlfriend who recommended that I read them, and I'm really glad I did. This series is an absolute delight so far. Such detailed and rich fantasy yet it's portrayed in such a down-to-earth, natural way - I agree with Philip Pullman's quote on the cover.

Full review to come once I've finished reading Sabriel.

[purpld-raccoon]

Reading a hilson finale fic and im Sobbingnmy eyes Out. Why did the author make Wilson say his wedding plans he'd do with House on his death??? Just stab me atp

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[unionizedwizard]

started reading Middlemarch a few days ago (i am a very literal kind of person.) and. you know. i didn't expect it to be "what if your wol was yet another regency era novel character". they put my girl in there!!!!!!!!

[fieryskies]

Dracula accused of being incapable of love proclaiming he has the capacity after staring at Jonathan and calling him his VS Sebastian presumed by Ciel to prefer being a beast admitting he much prefers acting as a butler while fondly thinking of his master. A homoerotic smackdown

[hotmess-exe]

the way that george rr martin likens writers to "architects and gardeners" is officially like... in my brain forever now. i'm both. that is a great comparison and i am both.

[haveyouplayedthisttrpg]

Here is a list of all the games i played in 2024

Agon

One of my favorite games, gm'd it for a local con. It's basically the Odyssey, but told in a fast & furious fashion

Argyropée

French only, a optimistic renaissance fantasy game where i enjoy the universe, the worldbuilding decision, but the system could be better

City of Mist

A noir urban fantasy game, of misteries and myths, stories mixing with regular life.

Donjon & Cie

french only for now. Instead of playing the adventurers, instead your characters are the monsters of the Dungeon, in reality the biggest business in the land. Dongeons meet the office. Will be "translated" ( more of a 2nd edition) by the Merry Mushmen as Dungeon Inc.

Eureka investigative urban fantasy

What it says in the title. It's good, it's great, it's what i will use to run cthulhu modules in the future

Exquisite Biome

Occuped some long train rides this year. A solo game where you create little ( or big) creatures in the environment you made up.

Feathered adventures

It's ducktales without the branding. A diceless and possibly gmless game that plays like Scrooge McDuck comics

FIST

I think I traumatized my fellow players with my character. It's great

Knight an avalon rpg

A french game translated in english ( the books are coming). King Arthur in mecha armor fighting against horrors that threatens humanity in the 2030s. One of the most played because we're playing the epic (yes, epic, not campaign).

Lalaland of the dead

French only. Being in the right discords, sometimes, you can play with the authors themselves. A zombie apocalypse game that is also a musical. Sing for more dice.

Magie de minuit

French Only. A gmless tarot game of witches fighting darkness within and out.

Mausritter

Play as little mice, it's totally not terrifying.

Meanwhile in the subway

The game is not a book, it's a subway map

Mothership

The worst rolls possible at creation. Yet the character survived.

Naheulbeuk

French only. The ttrpg parody that is often played at the club when we just need a quick one shot, a silly session.

Nova

The sun exploded ( or did it ? some revelations of the designer on the bird app says it was eaten actually), so get your power suits out. My players managed to be the Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

pasion de las pasiones

A demo session with the french translator. Now sitting nicely on a shelf.

Rune

Elden ring as a solo game

The Dark Eye

In germany they created this to avoid playing D&D. I am wary of games that ask me to successfully roll a d20 3 times for each roll. (yes you do roll 3d20 for most things)

The Thunder perfect mind

In development, a game created by Tanya Floaker during NaGaDemon that I playtested. A gmless game of gnostic gothic punk where you play as undeads.

Triangle agency

It's on most list of games of the year for a good reason. Also be careful when reading it or you will get too many demerits and lose access to the Frozen Yogurt Room.

Troika

Used to be my cursed game. The one I would propose but something always happened and couldn't play. Finally I have played it. (But the curse transfered...)

Vaesen

Occult mysteries based on Nordic mythology.

Wilderfeast

Monster hunter meets Dungeon Meshi. I love cooking monsters.

World Wide Wrestling

The new cursed game. Did a first session for a group ( for a mini campaign). That was in August and was supposed to last 1-2 months.............this was the only session

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest Pop-Up: Birthday Boy Prompts: Gift, 21

Summary: Every year for his birthday, Eddie gets a special gift. When they stop coming, he feels an unexpected way about it.

Word Count: 1502

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: No Upside Down AU, Friendship, Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Unseen Character Death

Notes: Thanks to @corrodedcoffinfest for another fantastic pop-up. I’m glad to be able to get back into these. I missed one and it was like I was missing a part of myself.

This entry is one that doesn’t make the most sense, logically, to a canon Eddie. But, like many other things, this is incredibly personal and something I’ve been wanting to write for a while. So I’m using this prompt as an excuse to do it for myself. It’s not my exact story, but it’s taking from both of my grandmothers. Nonna, who spoke English very well but couldn’t read or write it. And Babcia, who knew no English and I, of course, knew no polish. Still, she wrote novels in all of her cards to me. And my piece of shit father always refused to translate them. Eddie, you deserve all the love of a dearest grandparent, so I’m loaning you some of mine.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

He doesn’t know why he cares.

There are plenty of other things to think about today; it is his 21st birthday, after all.

But there are some things you just take for granted when you’re younger, and when they suddenly aren’t there anymore, you can’t help but realize the mistake you made. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that shit.

He used to only care about the crisp $20 bill that was tucked into the cards. A fresh note, straight from the bank. Used to buy toys, then candy, then books, then records. For birthdays and christmases and Easters.

Eventually he paid attention to the cards themselves. Pretty things with cartoons and pictures and, on birthdays, the numbers coinciding with the age he achieved. There were inscriptions inside, lengthy passages in fancy handwriting that he couldn’t read.

Not because they were illegible. He simply could not read them.

Dniu Urozdin. Wesołych Świąt.

Paragraphs upon paragraphs of words. And he wasn’t sure what they meant. Or the emotion that he was supposed to feel reading them.

“But who are they from?” He asked Wayne once when he was finally old enough for curiosity to spark.

“Your grandma,” was the simple response. But he knew no grandma, beyond old Nana Munson who passed right after his mom did. “I’ve told you that before.”

There was no return address for him to send a letter back to, no telephone number for him to call. Just a simple “Kocham cie, Busia” at the bottom of the novel his supposed-grandma wrote.

“Buss-ee-ah,” he pronounced slowly, and then looked to his uncle again. It felt wrong on his tongue. Not only in English but somehow also whatever that language was. He felt it in his gut. “Is that her name?”

Wayne scratched his chin, and looked at him sadly, then explained that he had only met Elizabeth’s mother once. Twice, at most? A small, elderly woman who spoke English very well—if accented—but apparently couldn’t write it much. He couldn’t remember her name or address or anything that would be useful in contacting her.

Of course, Al would have been some kind of help, but a long lost grandmother wasn’t exactly the first—or last—thought on any of their minds when the eldest Munson deigned to come to town.

”I’m sorry Ed,” Wayne whispered and mashed a hand on top of Eddie’s buzzed curls. “Maybe one day she’ll put her phone number in.”

Of course, by that time Eddie had developed some degree of self-loathing, and he chalked it up to a grandma who felt obligated enough to send a card, but didn’t care enough to really want to know her only grandson.

That’s when the cards started getting put away. In a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind til the next one came. Then the $20 bill would be slid into a wallet and the card would join the rest.

“Thanks Busia,” Eddie would whisper and offer a stiff and sarcastic salute as he slid the drawer closed. It never really felt right, but his hardened heart couldn’t care much more than that.

Jeff had seen them once, the stack of cards in his nightstand. He’d stayed the night and had been snooping.

“What’re these?” He asked, a laugh partially escaping from his mouth. A dozen greeting cards with illegible stories inside.

“They’re my lore,” Eddie explained, only slightly sarcastically. “I just haven’t leveled up enough to read them yet.”

“Guess you need to find a better DM,” Jeff joked back. He took one more look at the gently written closing, then slid it back into its home.

More time passed, more $20 bills spent.

But now, it was Eddie’s 21st birthday. Nothing in the mailbox. Nothing waiting for him on the counter amidst the bills and circulars. Nothing.

He didn’t think much of it at first. Distantly, during lunch, he wondered if the snowstorm that had blown through the previous week had delayed the mail at all. Because Busia’s cards always came through on time. Always.

So that had to be it.

And he tried to make excuses. Because it was just a card. Just a $20 bill. They weren't important; he didn't know why he cared.

Beer was drunk, weed was smoked, fun was had with his friends, who gifted him with new cassettes and a leather-bound notebook for him to write his stories.

But the next day, the only birthday gift waiting for him was a hangover.

Nothing the next day. Or the next.

“Nothing for me?” He asked Wayne anxiously a week after his special day.

And Wayne knew what it was he was asking for, even though he hadn’t said it aloud.

A hand was clamped down on his shoulder.

“She was old,” Wayne whispered. “Same age as Nana Munson, I’ll bet.”

The words rang in Eddie’s ears, an uncomfortable ringing, even as Wayne tried to blame the lack of a card of forgetfulness.

Because there had been a Christmas Card. And Eddie’s birthday had only been a month later. She wouldn’t have forgotten. Not after she’d sent one for almost two whole decades.

He sat at home late that night, in the dim light of his bedroom, trying to decipher something from those cards. Some kind of hint that Busia would excuse the lack of a birthday card. Maybe in a language he didn't understand, she would explain that she was having surgery or going on a trip, and that her birthday gift would be late this year.

Deep down, as he saw her beautiful handwriting get messier as the years went by, he knew why there was no card.

And he sat there every night, for days, amidst the only thing he had from his grandmother, mourning something that he never really had at all.

Jeff stopped by on the third day, backpack clutched in his hand, and he pulled the comforter off of his supposedly sleeping friend.

"Wake up! Come on, we've got character sheets to write! Gah, it smells like stale Cheetos and farts in here." Jeff laughed, then stopped, as he spotted the stack of cards beside Eddie's supine form. "Oh no."

"I'm feeling human feelings, Jeffy," Eddie groaned and curled up on his side. "Avert your eyes."

Jeff huffed a sigh and plopped down on the edge of the bed. "If anyone knows how many human feelings you have, Ed, it's me."

He tried to reach for one of the cards and Eddie had the audacity to hiss at him.

"What if I said I had a present for you?"

Of course, that piqued the older boy's interest.

Jeff heaved his backpack over his shoulder and rooted through it, searching for small object that he'd been keeping for a while.

"I've had it for a while," he explained. "I didn't want to...listen Ed I know how much you keep things close to the chest sometimes. But Timmy Kaminski was my lab partner last year, before we graduated. I recognized something in that one Christmas card. He calls his grandma 'Busia' too."

Eddie groaned and ran a hand over his face.

"I don't call her Busia," Eddie scoffed. "I don't call her anything. I don't even have a grand--"

But Jeff shoved a book in Eddie's face. A small yellow paperback thing, edges a little worn from being tossed around Jeff's backpack, but otherwise relatively new.

Polish to English Dictionary.

Eddie hesitantly took the book from Jeff and stared at it.

"I'm not gonna pry," Jeff said softly. "But obviously...obviously something upset you. Because of these cards. And last time...last time they upset you, you said that you hadn't leveled up enough to know what they said yet. So I decided I would take over as DM...and Level 21 is enough to start unlocking basic translation as a skill."

"But--"

"You know enough Klingon and Sindarin, you might as well learn what your god damn birthday cards say! I'll even help you, damn it!"

Jeff stared at Eddie expectantly.

And Eddie felt the pit that had formed in his stomach over the past few days begin to close a bit.

There was a pang in his chest as he sat up and stared at all the cards surrounding him. The little yellow book might as well have been made of gold, how much it suddenly meant to him.

"Thanks Jeff," he muttered, holding back tears.

"Of course, man," the younger boy nodded and patted a hand on his shoulder. "And if you ever...ever want to talk...you know I'm here. God knows I've talked your ear off plenty."

"Yeah you have," Eddie snarked, earning a scoff.

He was about to pick up a card, ready to begin the slow process of translating it.

However, an idea struck him, and he began flipping through the book.

Not an idea. Words. Simple words that he'd read over and over for years, let alone the last few days.

He reached the page, and he felt his heart grow.

Kocham cie. I love you.

*a handful of cards I had gotten over the years. I (proxied by my mother when I was too young to know) kept them all. The oldest card I have is from my first birthday in 1995. I hope she knows how loved they are.

[anonymouscapybara]

people say the worst SI unit is the mole. "ohhh but it's just a number it doesn't even have anything attached it doesn't deserve to be an official unit" BZZZ WRONG

the worst unit is the candela. the candela is stupid.

what's the candela, you ask? well, it measures the brightness of light

"oh that sounds reasonable" you say, "just measure the energy or power emitted!" nope. they would not do anything nearly so simple. a lightbulb emitting a watt of yellow light is more candelas than a lightbulb emitting a watt of red light.

"ok that's weird" you say, "but maybe they're adjusting for that somehow? maybe it measures number of photons?" again, that would be far too reasonable. a lightbulb emitting a fixed rate of yellow-light photons is more candelas than the same rate of purple-light photons.

but what are they even measuring then? what else is there to measure? clearly they ran out of ideas while making up units, because what they're actually measuring is the SUBJECTIVE BRIGHTNESS OF LIGHT TO THE HUMAN EYE. the candela is STUPID

a reasonable question to ask is: how would you even measure the brightness of light to the human eye? aren't a lot of human eyes different? don't different things look bright in different circumstances? aren't there colorblind people in the world?

surely the General Conference on Weights and Measures, which spent millions precisely calibrating magnetic quantum flux to avoid basing the kilogram on a random block in France, has a clever solution!

no. no they don't. the candela is stupid.

as far as I can tell, what you do is you first measure how much light of each wavelength comes in. Then you multiply each measurement by a "luminosity function", which measures brightness to the human eye:

you will notice that there are multiple functions shown in this diagram. the SI system has five of these, for different lighting conditions. do your lighting conditions not exactly follow one of the Five Official Standardized Lighting Conditions? guess you're out of luck then.

and whose eye are we using? why, the Official Standardized CIE Photometric Observer, of course: the "ideal observer having a relative spectral responsivity that conforms to a CIE-defined spectral luminous efficiency function for human vision"

(and no I can't show you this function because the fine people of the ISO put it BEHIND A PAYWALL. who puts measurements determining a fundamental SI unit BEHIND A PAYWALL. the candela is stupid)

all right, so we're measuring a fundamental unit using a (nonexistent) idealized observer in one of five random lighting conditions. how did they find the values for this? i'm...not entirely sure. but here's a glimpse, based on a few of the most recent studies I found used for this:

"...heterochromatic (minimum) flicker photometric data obtained from 40 observers (35 males, 5 females) of known genotype..."

"To obtain an estimate of the mean L-cone fundamental, we weighted [weird variables] according to the ratio of 0.56 L(S180) to 0.44 L(A180) found in the normal, male Caucasian population...and averaged them together"

that's right, our Official Objective Brightness Unit is probably sexist and racist. none of the other SI units have a chance to be sexist and racist. a meter is a meter in every country on Earth. 6.022*10^23 For Women is still 6.022*10^23. but the candela is-- probably-- the white man's candela, because you can absolutely bet that genetic drift around the world gives different values for this stuff.

in summary: my opinion, as you might have guessed, is that the candela is stupid. hopefully you agree with me after reading this that we need to completely eradicate it from the planet. failing that could we at not give it the same level of officialness as the meter or the kilogram?

[dors-ee]

I know I said I wasn't gonna talk about this anymore... but this, what i'm gonna develop, just hit me. And I want to get it out too. I've been trying to articulate why the whole "glorify", "sanctify", etc. nis bothering me so much, and how exactly it was contradicting what have been established with timebomb, and it hit me.

-I do think I'll be able to let it go and really this time not speak of it anymore after that.-

The whole "glorify you" and "sanctify you"" for me really cheapens and dismisses the whole "he accepts her as she is now" (that the MV confirmed).

It also I think kind of re introduces the fact/idea that he is hung up on Powder, and would only love Jinx in how similar to Powder she is instead of for who she truly is.

It really goes against him taking her as she is in the main universe, with her dark side and past actions. In particular the "glorifies".

does he sees her as she is and truly accepts her? Truly gives her love and acceptance?

Or does he only see the glorified version he wants? loves her only as she could become this glorified version he sees/wants?

I don't like that. The whole "he accepts her as she is and offers her love for who she is and gets down on her level and welcomes her and loves her and meets her where she is at right now" was dear to me. Very dear. It is a pillar of timebomb in Main Universe for me this side of "Ok. I fully accept you for you are now. I will try to forgive you. And we will build something new together yes and find the good in you yes but I accept you as you are. You are not just the monster I thought you were." Like he isn't only into "she can be super good" it isn't "I only love this super good ideal she could become".

like... what's the point if he actually only loves her for a glorified version of her?

... for what she could become only?

So if she fails to meet his glorified version... what happens?

like I'm not saying if she becomes super violent and all again he should be with her, I know it's a hard line for him. But there's a world in between "glorified super good version" and "bloodthirsty killer that does not care about people at all".

and if what he cares about is only the glorified version then, if she falls short of that (without going into the other extreme) what happens?

That's interesting for angst, and interesting to explore in stories yes, but shit for the ship as a whole. Cheapens it a lot imo.

(Also the other reason it bothers me is really bc for me it leans into the reduction of Ekko's character as only being all for Jinx. Only as a love interest.

He has more to do with his life, more things he care about. And I speak as a shipper.

Also, following the idea that it kind of reintroduces him being so hung up on Powder, it would go against his development in being the person that learns to let go of the past.

Vi is the one still super hunged up on Powder and a glorified version of her and the past as it was.

And Ekko supposedly learns to let go of the past. His whole thing is learning to let go of it and things holding him back amd that he gave up on stuff etc. That Powder is still in Jinx yes, but that he has to take her as she is. Powder or Jinx, just her, his "meilleure ennemie" and that he does love her as she is. And to go forward with her as she is.)

Like...for my entertainment and pleasure, in fanfiction I have read and wrote about him being super devoted like in the verse, being super hung up on her, etc.

Like I do not dislike the trope in itself and playing with it, exploring it, how it could work, etc. in fan work...

But I dislike it in canon. I dislike it for what it does to Ekko's character, and how it goes against the established stuff for timebomb going as far seriously cheapening the ship, in my opinion.

Oooook now I'm fully done I think.

(same as yesterday tho, I'm basing myself only on the verse I read. The one with scylla and sanctify and cie.)

now... maybe i am stupid and/or needs to relearn english and how to read and I misunderstood and the verse actually basically says "man you shouldn't glorify her". But that's not what I understood reading it.

i really understood it as him well currently rn saying he sanctifies and glorifies her and all. Not as a warning "do not do that.". But as a "this is what I am doing.".

[cie-reads]

Pandora Hearts Vol. 1

5/5☆ Heartwarming, Horrifying, & full of heart: Lewis Carroll meets Gothic horror meets steampunk meets deep, compelling psychological storytelling.

A series very close to my heart: Pandora Hearts was the first ever manga series I read from start to finish when I was a teenager. Now, revisiting it in 2023, I am just as absorbed by Jun Mochizuki’s spellbinding writing style and captivated by her masterful artwork.

To sum up how I feel about the first entry in one of my favourite manga series of all time in a short review will be a tricky task, but I will endeavour to do so, nevertheless. (Slight spoilers for the first chapter of the book to follow).

The initial pages open this graphic novel on an intriguingly mysterious note, with cowled figures pronouncing a young boy’s very existence to be a sin (yes, his existence), foreshadowing some of the horror and drama to come, but then launches into a contrastingly jovial scene. We are suddenly and merrily introduced to our seemingly carefree protagonist Oz Vessalius bursting triumphantly from his hiding-place - a wardrobe – after he evades the attempts of various household members desperately trying to locate him for his coming-of-age ceremony.

These juxtapositions of tone are extremely common in this first volume of Pandora Hearts and the series as a whole, and they really make for an interesting time reading the manga. You never really know what’s coming in the next few pages – it could be a wholesome slice of life scene between friends or some of the most terrifying images of psychological horror, body horror, and gore possible in both art and writing.

Now, I won’t go too much more into spoiler territory in this review – because, well, that would defeat the point of writing a book recommendation - but I will summarize what kind of reader I think would benefit from reading this absolutely amazing series. I feel like anyone who is a fan of the Alice in Wonderland books by Lewis Carroll or gothic fantasy in general would appreciate Mochizuki’s retelling of some of the classic features of Wonderland with several key twists – she adds in heaps more horror, stitches in subtle and stunning steampunk elements, and so much extremely emotionally taxing character writing. This series is not for the faint-of-heart – it is chock-full of both horrific scenes and heart wrenching ones. But it is fully worth the emotional toil because it is both a beautiful manga to look at and a gem to read.

[berrymeter]

i cannot believe im uttering these words but i need it for black butler yaoi art please help a man in need

where the fuck do i look for pose refs for couples. or just horny ppl who have to have restraint. i dont know what a keyword is

[bibookdemon]

Note 1: 'I don't see WWX as trans-coded' That has changed, I've hopped on the genderfluid WWX train, choo-choo!!! However, for the purposes of this au, both LWJ and WWX are amab. (WWX could still be genderfluid, not sure if I'd write him that way for this au if I ever do get around to writing it)

Note 2: fuck I can't add more than 10 pics so I'll have to reblog this FUCK!!!!

Note 3: 'WWX longs to be a dad, like have an actual biological kid' That sounds so fuckin rude please excuse that. I phrased it wrong!!! Adopting kids is just as valid!!! What I meant to say is that he'd happily adopt more kids HOWEVER he desperately wants a biological kid as well. A) He wants to see what a combo of his and LWJ's genes would be like B) he wants to experience pregnancy and birth and every step of this child's life C) while absolutely not the deciding factor but still smth I wanna point out cause it's funny silly, he DOES want to say "Lan Zhan~! Put a baby in me~" (breeding kink)

Note 4: Adoption. I want to make a change, I think they would be able to adopt, but they're a last resort to the rest of the world. If someone had a child they needed to send to a safe place, their first thought isn't going to be LWJ and WWX. :c (but they're always willing to take kids under their wing)

Note 5: LWJ noticing but not saying anything. Look, ok, when you're autistic it's fuckin hard to A) be able to read the situation completely (LWJ notices smth is up but doesn't know WHAT it is) and B) reach out about whatever is up. LWJ also doesn't want to cause his husband any unnecessary anxiety by making him feel like he HAS to answer.

Note 6: 'WWX starts wishing he'd been born female' - This could tie into being genderfluid. Originally it was meant as wanting to be able to bear children, but he doesn't have the anatomy for it.

Note 7: Smth I feel very strongly about is WWX wanting to bear the child. It's not because he's the 'bottom' (where my top/switch WWX fans at?) but simply because it makes sense in my mind. He would be ok with his body being altered to bear children, he'd be ok with carrying those children. LWJ, on the other hand, would not. He would be dysphoric (whether trans OR cie) and it would be overstimulating and overall a horrible, likely traumatizing experience. I have read fics about LWJ getting pregnant, and they're written really well and I love them, however, I likely won't write that. Maybe a breeding kink, but even that doesn't seem as in character for him? Who knows.

Note 8: Really want to highlight life and death as an infinite figure 8 loop. Literally one of my favorite things to think about.

Note 9: LWJ has based his entire life around this man. Of course he wants another kid, and no, it's not just to please him. A-Yuan was wonderful to raise, and while he's absolutely terrified of raising a child *from birth*, because that's different, he wants to experience it. (I also imagine that they stay in Gusu from the time they conceive the child to the time WWX heals from childbirth. So they're really not the only ones raising said child, which means that when they need a break, plenty of people are willing. Especially the older mothers whose children have grown up and flown the coop ✊️😔)

Note 10: *for the next 10 months, not 9

Note 11: While several people are fairly supportive and just happy to see life born of something so dark, born of a tragic past, there are many people who will make life harder for WWX and LWJ and their kid because 'it's unnatural' and 'it's a demon child' and so on and so forth.

Note 12: LXC is so happy for his little brother...after the initial 'wtf' moment.

Note 13: LSZ gets told when people start noticing that WWX has started putting on some weight, but they kinda just wave it off as him getting spoiled by his husband. Anywho. LSZ is quite happy for them!!! He doesn't feel he's being replaced at all, AND HES GONNA HAVE A LITTLE SIBLING?!?!?!? He's gonna have someone he can tell alllllll about his stories with WWX and LWJ!!!! He's ecstatic XD

Note 14: I want to point out that it has been several years since the JGY incident, during which WWX has started rebuilding his bond with JC (with both of them putting aside pride and hatred and deep, deep tragedy to. *See* each other. Really see each other. To remember who they once were, to acknowledge they've changed vastly, and to accept that fact and adapt to it.) It's not easy, they get in fights, they often make each other cry. But they've slowly started repairing the bond. And so WWX goes to JC about his kid and he's nervous and JC is kinda weirded out at first + loathes the idea of using demonic cultivation for a child until WWX explains how it works. At which point he sees...potential in it. It could help a lot of people who want biological children but can't have them. Anywho. Look, he may still not have a great bond with WWX but he does have a soft spot in his heart for his family's children. He does want to be in this kid's life. (And he definitely wants to teach the kid ACTUAL GOOD MORALS! LIKE STAY AWAY FROM DEMONIC CULTIVATION EVEN THOUGH YOUR DAD DOES IT, UNDERSTAND?!)

[rapha-reads]

I tried to resist the urge but at the end of the day ranting about Romeo and Juliet is my most favourite thing to do, and ranting about vampires is also in my top 10 regular hobbies, so...

Louis, Lestat, Armand and Balthasar, or, a R&J x IWTV unplanned rant.

Under the "read more" because it got long.

Balthasar is introduced in the play as "Romeo's man", often modernised in various adaptations as his valet or his page. The footnote in The Arden Shakespeare 2012 edition states that:

"Shakespeare introduced the name for the part in the play, though it is not, of course, his invention. The name, which is also found in Comedy Of Errors, Merchant of Venice and Much Ado, occurs only once in the text of R&J, even though the character speaks nearly 30 lines in the final act."

Three things from that only: it's a common enough name, at least in Shakespearian texts, that the character could be switched for another one; he's so inconsequential that he barely even managed to make his name known ; yet despite his apparent unimportance, his role at the end is extremely crucial in closing in the tragedy.

What lines does Balthasar speaks and whom does he speak to throughout the play?

Man waits until Act III scene 1 to make his entrance. Given his function as Romeo's man, you'd think he'd be a bit more present before that point, but no, Balthy waits until everything's gone bad to arrive like "Grandma, it's me".

Romeo asks him "How doth my Juliet? That I ask again, / For nothing can be ill if she is well." The beginning of his answer could lead you to think that he's about to lie so that Romeo can still be "all well", but, naaaah, sike, he's here to deliver news and he's going to do his job. And the way he does it doesn't leave any details to the imagination:

"Then she is well and nothing can be ill. Her body sleeps in Capel's monument, And her immortal soul part with angels lives. I saw her laid low in her kindred's vault, And presently took post to tell it to you. O, pardon me for bringing these ill news, Since you did leave it for my office, sir."

"Her immortal soul"... We'll come back to that point when we'll get to the vampires. Interesting to note that he says he saw with his own eyes Jules' laid down in the Capulet's tomb, but there's no indication in the text prior to that line that he really did. Some stage adaptations have Balthasar lurking around as Capulet and Cie put her in it, most movies totally ignore Balthasar's entire role - which I will come back to in the second part too. In a way, one could think that Balthy didn't see anything, he just heard the news like any other Veronese people, and didn't wait for more information or even actual confirmation and hurried on ("took post") to tell his master. Which, he does say it himself, that's his job, to keep Romeo informed of the going-ons of Verona in general and Juliet in particular. But, man, what are your sources, actually? Whose your informant? What authenticity does your information have, except from "source: myself"?

And then homeboy has the audacity to tell a desperate and ready to commit all kinds of violence Romeo to "have patience. / Your looks are pale and wild, and do import / Some misadventure." You think?? After this we lose track of Balthy while Romeo goes soliloquising looking for his cuppa poison. ... I don't want to tell you how to do your job, Balthy, but aren't you supposed to always follow your master closely...? How are you losing him so easily? Well, to be fair to him, Romeo does send him to "hire those horses", but that's a really thin excuse.

Balthasar reappears then in the Comedy of Situations that is "everybody and their mothers come visit Juliet's body" (you know, Warm Bodies did have a point; the zombies and necrophilia jokes do write themselves). First he enters with Romeo, and then for once shows some working brain cells when Romeo tells him to peace out and he tells himself "For all the same, I'll hide me hereabout. / His looks I fear, and his intents I doubt." Yes, thank you Balthy, maybe stay inside the crypt itself... Nope, okay, I don't know where he hid but Paris "14yo is perfectly acceptable to marry when I'm 30" Escalus makes his own appearance unbothered and unstopped. Great scouting skills there. Granted, he was the first on the scene actually, but if Balthy really hid close by, he should have witnessed the altercation and maaaaybe stop it. But no. I think he's having a drink with Paris' page. Current body count: 3 (yeah, Juliet's not dead yet, for those following).

Then Friar Laurence arrives on the scene. Oh, hello, Friar My-Ideas-Will-Definitely-Work-Trust-Me-Bro. Balthy emerges from the shadows (from where? Who knows, not me and certainly not Willie the Bard himself; homeboy was lurking, planning the best moment to reappear to create maximum chaos I guess). Their discussion goes something like this:

Laurie: who're you? Balthy: come on bro, you know me. Laurie: oh, hey Balth, so nice to see you? But what the heck are you doing here? Balthy: yeah I'm here with Romeo that fail emo lord lol. Laurie: Romeo? Whaaaat? How long has he been here? Balthy: eeh, 30 minutes? Maybe 45? Dunno but it's been a while. Laurie: Jesus fucking H Christ, okay, let's get into the fucking crypt. Balthy: no thanks, without me. I told Romeo I was leaving and if he sees me still here he's going to break my neck. Laurie: ugh, fine, you coward. I'll go alone and I'm not even afraid. Actually I lied I'm scared out of my mind but I'm better than you so nah! I'm going in. Balthy, walking away: oh yeah, another thing, I was napping, ahem, keeping watch, and I think I dreamed, I mean, hallucinated Romeo killing another dude. But I don't think that's real. Anyway, hasta la vista, losers! [Exit] (sadly not pursued by a bear)

I paraphrased, naturally. And... That's Balthasar's last lines. So to recap: he's supposedly Romeo's man, hence, by his job's function, supposed to always be with him and protect him; he only appears at the end of the story to make sure that no one else can get to Romeo first and maybe tell him about Laurence's plot. He always says he's going to keep an eye on Romeo, or tries to get him to stop, but actually never does anything. Literally, by his own admission, while he's supposed to make sure Romeo doesn't do anything drastic visiting Juliet's tomb, he took a nap: "As I did sleep under this yew tree here"! And the only two people he speaks to are Romeo, whose sole purpose at this point is to die, and Friar Laurence, whose role is to fake-kill Juliet, which leads to both of them dying.

Given all of those elements, one could then consider Balthasar's role in the play as an agent of Death. Death being a character in Her own right in the play, according to some readings (I admit, the idea of Death being the one pulling the strings as Fate would do is something I very much like but is very much inspired by the French musical).

So. Balthasar, agent of Death, purposefully or accidentally, but undeniably, leading the main character to his own death and carefully not stopping nor even interacting with characters who could stop the final act.

And that's who Louis-as-Lestat compares HIMSELF to. Yeah, Louis calls himself Balthasar, let that sink in. So, spoiler alert for those like me who haven't read the books, but Armand later on is going to lie and tell Louis that Lestat died in the fire that burned down the theatre, lie that Louis will totally believe and that will certainly influence the decades of his relationship with Armand. We know Louis is absolutely not over Lestat, we know Lestat is weak at this point, and wants to scare Louis but also get him back, and we know Armand is a lying liar who lies and twist the truth to better serves him. And we know Armand was jilted by Lestat and while he (genuinely?) loves Louis, he's also bitter that Louis got what he himself couldn't get. We also know that Louis is extremely conflicted by his vampiric nature, that he's a stone cold killer but he's also constantly trying to get away from it, that he hates himself and all vampires but also hates humans and all of humanity. We know Louis feels immense guilt at what he thinks is Lestat's murder, and that this guilt is weighing on him enought hat he conjures up a mental Lestat to follow him around and sass, bitch, moan, comment and critique for him.

So, why is it interesting that Dreamstat calls Louis a Balthasar?

Let's go back to two points already evoked earlier. Balthasar makes a point of mentioning Juliet's immortal soul - in the text, it's evident enough, they're Catholics, Heaven, Hell, bla bla bla. Transposed to the idea of vampires, it does lead one to question first if vampires have souls, secondly, what are the limits of immortality. It links to Louis' questioning of his faith, the morals that he fiercely defends but abandons rather quickly when they don't suit him anymore, and his survivor's guilt vis-à-vis his brother first and Lestat secondly.

The second thing is the way Balthasar is generally erased from the known Romeo and Juliet narrative. From an intradiegetic POV, Louis could mean it as "I'm Balthasar because this story is not my story, I barely even appear, only at the very end, and even then, I'm not important, and I certainly do not want to be the focus of attention" (which could also be linked to the coven complaining that Louis hunts sloppily and will expose them all, and that's actually a point in the Death's emissary column, huh). From an extradiegetic POV, the writers might have chosen to compare Louis to Balthasar because in most screen adaptations, the first part of his role is given to Benvolio (announcing Juliet's death) and the second part (talking with Laurie) is totally erased. Which means that people who haven't read the play (or have but aren't totally obsessed with it *cough cough*) and only know the story through the movies or the musical, would have NO idea who Balthasar is. And that's what Louis tries to be: a nobody, a Monsieur-Tout-Le-Monde, unimportant, invisible, unknown. The way Balthasar is for everybody. Quasi inexisting.

And the final part of the parallel, and that one is definitely extradiegetic, is that Louis brings Death wherever he goes (although maybe in a way, after Lestat and the woman vampire in Romania, Louis thinks that of himself too, but let's not go there just yet). His arrival in Paris is what disturbs the equilibrium of the coven, makes Armand questions what he's doing here and how long he can keep going like this, drives Claudia even more away from him, and intensifies the resentment and inner conflicts of the coven. Which will all lead to the theatre burning dow, the coven dying, Claudia dying, Lestat presumed dead and 70 years of toxic married Loumand. Unintentionally, the way Balthasar seemingly unintentionally too, doesn't protect Romeo, which leads to not only his and Juliet's but also Tybalt and Mercutio's deaths (and Paris too). Unintenionally, but who's pulling Balthasar's strings, Death, Fate itself? Who's pulling Louis' strings? Armand? Lestat? Or is he such an unreliable narrator that he's passing himself as a victim of circumstances while the reality is that he's fully aware of what he's doing...? To be determined.

If you've made it to here, thank you so much and don't hesitate to tell me what you think! You can find my Tybalt/Mercutio fic here, and my essay on adaptations of Tybalt and Mercutio on screen here.

[unionizedwizard]

so i like the meta post a lot but could you give me a lil rundown on what the difference is between metanarrative and metapoetics? the latter is a new word to me and i can infer the gist but i wanna know what specifically you're getting at

oooooooooo hehehehe woooohoooo <- normal about literary theory

so, Poetics is the matter of theorizing about poetry (its rules, aims, effects...) (which implies all the allagan tomestones we've been grinding this whole time are copies of allagan aristotle & cie which i find both very funny and very. foreshadowing-inclined. but anyway). It's literally the english word for "ars poetica"; it is a set of methods and rules meant to direct the writing of poetry. Sort of like a practical textbook with a philosophical setting. Metapoetics would be the question of writing and thinking and theorizing about poetics, and the impulse generally started around the early 20th century (with the russian formalism movement in particular). This is the impulse that eventually led to the creation of structuralism and post-structuralism (Barthes & cie) - as a whole it's a matter of examining the methods and bias and beliefs we hold wrt literature (what Barthes called "the text"), eventually leading to the concept of reception theory for instance.

Nowadays i'm pretty sure that the concept of "metapoetics" encompasses a lot more than poetry, strictly speaking, though each field has its own specific meta- (metadramatics for theater and so on); as long as it's about language itself ("the text"), i think "metapoetics" is a valid concept to invoke (invoking concepts. heh. just like in- okay okay i'll shut up now). Which is a very long-winded way to say that there are subtle differences between metapoetics and metanarrativity because a narrative is not necessarily a text in itself (movies have narratives, tv shows and video games too, and they don't have "a text" in the way that a novel does for example). So, metanarrativity would be the act of a narrative commenting on itself, using dramatic irony, and/or having characters who somehow realize they're in a story. It's a very broad approach.

Metapoetics, on the other hand, would deal more specifically with textual clues. it would be the act of reflecting on the text itself, having the text question its meaning, symbolism, repeat and be modified. In this case, the difference is tenuous at best because the narrative is construed (and understood) as an epic poem, pretty much since the beginning, and particularly in the case of Heavensward; i'd say it's somewhere between a play (Amon's understanding) and an epic or saga (pretty much everyone else's understanding). Which makes the aristotle references in endwalker more meaningful, since aristotle wrote the Poetics about poetry AND theater (the ancients called everything poetry, dramatics were just a subsection of poetry as a whole)

I think the case of ffxiv is ambiguous at best when it comes to assigning a frontier between the motifs and callbacks and dramatic irony that could fall under the "metanarrativity" or "metapoetics" categories specifically because the text itself as well as the overarching narrative are very rich and precise, and feed into each other. Because one of the key aspects of the entire narrative is to put the right words and spin the right narrative (cathartic and awe-inspiring like epic poetry should be) out of real actions. Finding out the truth about the dragonsong war, writing new contracts with the local tribes.... It's always a matter of putting the right words onto everything. if that makes sense? So there's always this aspect of being mindful of speech and remembering it too, that blurs the frontiers of metanarrativity and metapoetics. in my opinion at least

GOD i've been typing for a hundred years and this all reads like mostly bullshit i'm so sorry. I hope it makes sense. like every other literary theory concept tho it's a very flexible and fluid one so mostly it gets used as an analytical lens to examine specific aspects of a text very closely which makes it a bit difficult to "grasp" (in the sense of "grasping at something to keep your balance")

[fdelopera]

This is how it all began! On Thursday, 23 September, 1909, the first section of Gaston Leroux’s Le Fantôme de l'Opéra was printed on page 3 in the feuilleton section of the Parisian daily newspaper, Le Gaulois.

Le Fantôme de l'Opéra ran for 15 weeks, from 23 September, 1909, to 8 January, 1910, and was printed in 68 sections.

To celebrate 115 years of Phantom in print, I will be posting all 68 sections of Leroux’s novel on each day that Le Fantôme originally appeared in Le Gaulois.

This first section includes the text of the Avant-Propos (Foreword) from Leroux’s novel (I’ve included it as a single panel, and as two panels for easier reading).

As you will see in the following sections, Leroux and his editors at Pierre Lafitte et Cie made significant edits to the Gaulois text when they published the First Edition of Le Fantôme de l'Opéra in April of 1910 (including some amusing typos that made their way into several of the published English translations).

In the following sections, I will be highlighting all of these edits that were made to the Gaulois text, so you can see exactly what was changed.

However, Leroux must have been happy with the Avant-Propos, because the text of the First Edition matches that of the Gaulois edition.

To read my translation of the Avant-Propos, click here.

If you are following along in David Coward’s translation of the First Edition of Phantom of the Opera (which I recommend for its accuracy and completeness), click here for the paperback, or click here for the Kindle version. Both link to Amazon US, but I encourage you to buy your copy from another vender if you so choose. The ISBN-13 of David Coward's translation is: 978-0199694570.

Click here to see the entire edition of Le Gaulois from 23 September, 1909. This link brings you to page 3 of the newspaper – Le Fantôme is at the bottom of the page in the feuilleton section. Click on the arrow buttons at the bottom of the screen to turn the pages of the newspaper, and click on the Zoom button at the bottom left to magnify the text.