#chuck norris jokes

[funnyshorts]

Chuck Norris once went to a feminist rally and came back with this clothes ironed and a sandwich.

[simpleman193]

Ohh man, the Chuck Norris' jokes, err excuse me, facts, they get me every time 🤣🤣

[christinered]

Chuck Norris has been shot.

The Bullet is in critical condition.

~Red

[pharmo]

this actually happened

[hugsandchaos]

Chuck Norris was placed in SCP 173’s containment cell, and even after many long hours, 173 still didn’t dare to blink.

Chuck Norris glared at SCP 4521 and it finally screamed.

The earth doesn’t have water cycles, Chuck Norris goes around various parts of the globe threatening the sky until it cries.

[brunhielda]

Sam hears more and more of these the older he gets- therefore the less accurate it is.

“I mean you did that one time-

“That was thirty fucking years ago!”

I feel like Sybil would both encourage everyone she knows to tell her if they have heard any new ones, and also expressly forbid everyone from saying them anywhere near Sam. She fears for his blood pressure.

on the discworld, all their chuck norris jokes are about sam vimes. death has canonically had a near-sam-vimes experience. they’ve got a lot of material to work with

[the-generous-fool]

World heritage comments section

[sparkinlist-official]

Top 10 Jokes About Chuck Norris Vs Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris Jokes 2023

Jokes About Chuck Norris | Laughter transcends borders and languages, and one of the most enduring sources of comedic inspiration has been the legendary rivalry, albeit in jest, between Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal. 

As we step into the year 2023, it seems only appropriate to revisit some of the most uproarious Chuck Norris jokes that continue to tickle our funny bones. So, buckle up, get ready to laugh, and brace yourself for a rib-tickling duel as we present the top 10 Chuck Norris jokes of 2023.

[funnyshorts]

It all makes sense now. Follow on TikTok

[its-cosmerely-an-obsesh-wound]

I cannot stop thinking about how Kaladin Stormblessed is basically Roshar's Chuck Norris... and this prompt has been sitting in my fic WIP folder for months not bringing joy to others so here it is.

It had been three years since Kaladin Stormblessed had taken his place in damnation as one of the Heralds but Bridge Four still spoke of him often. Tonight several members of Bridge Four were out at Jez’s Duty rehashing the early days of Bridge Four and telling some Stormblessed jokes (aka Chuck-Norris-style jokes about Kaladin):

Stormblessed didn’t draw the arrows to the shield, they hit the shield because they were afraid to hit him

Stormblessed doesn’t do push-ups, he pushes Roshar down

When the first artifabrian invented the spanreed, they had a missed message from Stormblessed

Stormblessed doesn’t need Shardplate, his scowl is armor enough

The wind doesn’t guide Stormblessed, he tells it where to blow

When a highstorm sees Stormblessed, it takes shelter

Stormblessed doesn’t breathe in stormlight, stormlight breathes in him

Stormblessed doesn’t actually have adhesion, he puts rocks against a wall and dares them to move

Stormblessed is the sixth ideal

The Nightwatcher once asked Stormblessed for a boon

Stormblessed doesn’t suffer from depression, depression suffers from him

Stormblessed doesn’t manipulate gravity with surges, it just does what he wants because it’s afraid of him

Death once had a near Stormblessed experience

You’ll never see fearspren around Stormblessed because fearspren are afraid of him

Stormblessed was once bitten by a chasmfiend, after three days of agonizing pain, the chasmfiend died

When Odium goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Stormblessed

[chamberlinfamilyfarms]

😆 #chucknorris #jokes #funny #lol

[thepersonalwords]

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Oliver Oliver Reed

[bisexualbaker]

Yeah, but the Chuck Norris jokes lead to fun off-shoots, like when @jimhines did some about @neil-gaiman, or @shiraglassman's about "Captain Riv" in the Mangoverse books. So I feel like at least two people should be off the hook here.

Not making fun of younger folks' weird or incomprehensible memes is our just penance for coming up with Chuck Norris jokes

[clavissionary-position]

Nokto: I heard King Highness once convinced Benitoite to take on half of Rhodolite's debt.

Yves: I heard Prince Chevalier can whip meringue by spinning the bowl on the tip of his finger.

Licht: I heard he once pulled a calf out of a pregnant mare with just one smooth tug.

Jin: I heard he can brew alcohol from army rations. Apparently only does it if medical supplies are running low though.

Luke: I heard Chevvie punched a bee so hard that it shat honey.

Clavis: I'm not participating in this discussion. And that bee did nothing wrong.

Leon: I heard he never eats the same cut of meat twice and yet he's eaten a different cut of meat every day for the past 12 years.

Sariel: I've heard Prince Chevalier interrogated a prisoner for 72 hours by doing nothing except for reading a book in front of him.

Rio: I heard Prince Chevalier likes being scratched behind the ears.

[rollarcoasting]

JJK head cannon that everyone talks about Gojo like he's Chuck Norris

"The dinosaurs looked at Gojo once. you know what happened to them."

"On the 7th day, God rested...and Gojo took over"

"Satoru Gojo's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Gojo."

"Gojo is the reason why Waldo is hiding"

it would just be so much better than "They're the fastest sorcerer in the world...aside from Gojo of course" like how about "The earth spins because Gojo is using it as a treadmill."

[doublearmbars]

Joe is gonna put his hand on the stove and the stove is gonna jump