#humorous-quotes

[thepersonalwords]

I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on

Josh Stern, And That's Why I'm Single: What Good Is Having A Lucky Horseshoe Up Your Butt When The Horse Is Still Attached?

[quotelr]

Why did men have to ruin everything? The answer was simple, she supposed—because foolish women gave them the chance

Tessa Dare, Any Duchess Will Do

[catchymemes]

[daily-spooky]

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[nondelphic]

every writer knows the pain of having an idea that’s “too good” to write because you know you can’t do it justice

[astrogirlythings]

[my-random--thoughts]

I just found the funniest pen sets and I can't stop thinking about them LMAO

**For the people asking I bought the pen sets HERE

[n-u-b-e-s-n-e-g-r-a-s]

[caats]

[thepersonalwords]

It's funny how often we celebrate by poisoning ourselves

Johnny Moscato

[quotelr]

This isn't where I intended to be. Killing a person has a funny way of getting your life off-track.

Erin Mitchell

[catchymemes]

[daily-spooky]

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[galaxymagitech]

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.