#christmas is going terribly
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In honor of the VHS Christmas Carols being on YouTube - enjoy some unfinished sketches from last year!
#I was really lucky to be able to go to the show last year and it was the highlight of an otherwise pretty terrible winter#obsessed with the new additions#team starkid#vhscc#vhs christmas carols#the gift of the magi#della vhsccs#jim vhsccs#fanart#my art
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To make up for the fact that I didn’t do anything for them for Christmas, here’s another fake shoujo magazine chapter cover :]
pose ref ↓
HAHA ITS FROM ITAKISS!!!! Naoki and kotoko are nothing like the blorbs but I thought this pose worked for that scene (it’s apart of a much large page split into two images, but I decided to crop it cause the rest of it doesn’t matter tbh)
#‘but Emily it’s too early for Christmas?’ shut up the hallmark/w channel here in Canada has Christmas in July going on rn so it’s fine#/j it is too early for Christmas I’m just being silly#I’m aware of the fact the Japanese I put on here is terrible I’m not very good#while I know some words and have certain hiragana characters memorized (looking at you よ(yo))#my Japanese is still garbage and I rely on shitty online translators and the Japanese keyboards I have on my phone and now ipad#thought I’d add it this time around to make it feel EVEN MORE like it’s a shoujo being published in a monthly magazine in the 80s and 90s#also yeah I’m gonna post these covers out of order if I make more (keeps me from losing interest in completing something)#also also later on ill share what the test says as I’m too lazy to do it rn#anyways I’m gonna go read the blue castle now as I started rereading it recently and my phone need charging#stranger things#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#jancy
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#meme#mattsmemes#memes that make you go hmmm#mistletoe#mistletoaster#toaster#christmas#bad jokes#punchline#ceiling outlet#dad jokes#bad puns#terrible puns#is thay dangerous#is that dangerous#probably
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shannon i don’t think he wants to be home for the holidays. in fact he’ll probably run farther away. somehow
#to be clear i do understand what she meant by that sentence#i just thought it was a hilarious way to put it#kotlc#on a somewhat related note i’m now picturing keefe as the star of a hallmark movie. the kind where they go back to their small towns-#-for the holidays and find the true meaning of christmas or whatever#also enjoy my terrible blacking out of the second half. the joke didn’t work with it in
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#gfdi. my heartrate is 100 bpm#i was like lemme check if i have covid by any chance (from spending 3 hrs in the hospital on tuesday)#to make sure i dont infect anyone when i go to Sports Practice tmrw#and im having a VERY suspicious physiological response to the methylphenidate i took half an hour ago >:/#i noticed this happened back on christmas break when i was asymptomatic EXCEPT for elevated heartrate when taking my meds#for like 1.5 weeks. and THEN i got an absolutely terrible fever with a heavy dry cough for a few days. no positive test tho#but still it was fucking sus#mine
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The only tier list that matters
#🛠️.txt#MERRY FUCKIN' CHRISTMAS I GUESS#NSFT joke#I feel like I could go into more detail but “sex” and “Bugsnax” being in the same sentences is a terrible way to start a conversation
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it’s sewwwwww fucking funny that you can sign a contract with a bank to pay them a certain amount every month. and do that for a while. and then they can send you a letter and say actually we’re raising the amount you have to pay us every month and now it’s over a thousand dollars. effective next month. you do not have any recourse or say in this. lol
#going back to terrible job that makes me want to kms ahoy!!#lmao nobody is getting christmas presents from me this year!!!!!#gonna have to go back and work my ass off and burn myself out just to pay my bills#everything’s fine and i’m normal about it#personal
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I was gonna post something about dreading how shit this week is going to be. But then I realized it's probably going to be shit until late January, so. Please pray for my blood pressure and health 😭
#im really scared icl 😭#also if i had to go through months of non stop political ads and texts and emails and anxiety and and and-#only for it to not end well. my fucking god.#aaaghhh it just fucking sucks election day really isnt a 'day'#its actually just. election year.#ive been consumed by it for probably at least half this year#but not only all that thats been going on#its gonna take days for them to count the ballots probably#and in that time theres gonna be like. 5 billion lawsuits. cause thats a thing apparently#and then all that shit is going to continue until what. January 20th?#no matter the result things are going to be chaotic i feel like#but truly i am desperately manifesting gaaaahhhh fuck im so done with all this#FREE ME PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING FREE#also fuck whichever guy put election day so close before thanksgiving and christmas#idk it all just really fucking sucks. this year hasn't been good for me#so i love that in addition to my already terrible baseline level of anxiety-#ive had another level piled on top of me#which can only possibly get worse 😭#id almost prefer the political ads in perpetuity rather than actually face tuesday and beyond#god. fuck this.#i feel like im gonna have to knock myself out and not go online on monday and tuesday at this rate#how am i even going to get myself to sleep when theres constantly eternal doom hanging over me#catie.rambling.txt
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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.
#so ive been in a bad mental state lately#because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own#which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them#and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too#i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful#and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing#and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom#so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset#and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything#AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds#i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again#i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best#im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it#but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard#so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk#btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am#and im full of manic energy#tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room
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when you
when you bird
#utsuho reiuji#okuu#touhou project#not tagging anything else im tired lol#going to look at a car tmmrw. praying it's as good as a deal as it seems and that it's still there-#i'm terrified man i've had terrible luck with the cars i want :[#but surely. this time for sure-#anyways#funny hell raven#i hope my friend likes his very late christmas gift#which will be this in mousepad form#...i waited too long to do this lmao#*oh well i tried ckj-*#shook arts
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So we have our orchestra Christmas concert today, at the same time Sleep Token will be playing. This will either:
a) go terribly wrong cus I'll be so distracted thinking about The Creatures (and let's be honest I should've practiced a bit more) 🤡
Or
b) me and Vessel will have a cosmic Performance Connection™ 👥 while playing at the same time, and Sleep will bless me with good intonation and a steady bow 🙏🎻
Either way, I hate playing in public and I just want this Ordeal to be over with.
#most likely this will go terribly wrong#I'm not feeling optimistic#also i hate Christmas carols. these pieces are a headache#darya talks to herself
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I think ppl have the wrong interpretation of the canon batfam from the 90s-00s comics because they don't all hate each other, it's not bad and dark all the time, the darkness makes the light shine that much stronger when it's there
#anyways going insane over silverwhittlingknifes piece on the dcu christmas bash comic#YEAH THEIR LIVES ARE TERRIBLE YEAH THEYRE EATING BURNT COOKIES TOGETHER YEAH I'M SOBBING#and it's CANON#ripping everything off my shelves and throwing a fit rn#90s-00s Dick and Tim my beloved waaaaaah#*shakes you by the shoulders* they love each other soooo much
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my friend asked me if i think minkowski likes hallmark movies and i feel like it swung something in my brain wide open. oh my god she totally does.
#she loves terrible christmas movies... oh no...#love the idea that minkowski is a sap about christmas because like#yeah in canon you could say it's about maintaining normalcy or whatever. but she does also seem genuinely invested in it#and it's eiffel's worst nightmare.#he draws a physical line and tells her she can't decorate past it that's his personal war on christmas#wasn't going to tag this but you know what. why not.#wolf 359#w359#renee minkowski#also that one track title about her eating ice cream while watching 50 shades and enjoying it non-ironically. and how emma sherr-ziarko#said that informed her understanding of the character. obsessed with it.
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some ppl that work in healthcare... really shouldn't work in healthcare.
(heavy heavy tw for medical situations & death/child death in tags, do not read if you're sensitive to it... I'll delete this later just had to vent)
#ceci speaks#nonsims#delete later#was just thinking about all the terrible things ive heard while being a hcw#from fellow hcw#and reporting it never helped because it was all shitheads all the way up#then i see more assholes going into that work and its like#really#ive experienced so much death since covid started and truth be told#it messed me up pretty badly and changed me as a person#im not the same person i was four years ago#and i wonder#would it affect you the way it affected me#would you change and grow some empathy if you had to see that many people suffer and die#even with some of them being terrible people it still hits you somehow#you think youre tough and youre hot shit when youre in school#and a couple years later youre not even blinking when youre trying to get blood out of a dead three month old#but when you go home you hyperfixate on the fact that it could be you or anyone you know at any time#i remember the christmas i watched three people code and die the same day#and the baby that already had rigor in their little feet bc theyd been dead in the crib way before they were even brought in#im not even a nurse im in lab for gods sake#but lab and rad dont escape this shit either#and i think if youre already a person with low empathy#the trauma must turn you into some of the people i worked with that just hated everyone they came into contact with#being cruel to patients or discriminating against them#why even go into that work if youre that kind of person#and i dont mean hcw have to be angels#its a difficult and grueling line of work that is underpaid and understaffed#but how hard is it to not be fucking evil#dont become a hcw if youre a discrimatory evil fucking piece of shit is what im saying
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Um. A fee I didn't know I was being charged for from the service I order meds from just came out of my bank account and now I have negative money
Anyone wanna pay me to write or doodle things for them?? ;;w;; My Ko-fi is in my pinned post if so.
Just let me know exactly what you want (and who you are, so I can contact you here! Or you can DM me letting me know which request was yours) and I'll get right to it. I don't have a commission sheet or anything so just give what you can and I'll do my best to make it worth it.
I'd really appreciate any help I can get right now from those of you who can spare it!!
#when i asked for money for my volo microorganism it felt silly and i was half joking. this is serious though and i feel rly bad about it tbh#i don't mean to beg but like. PLEASE consider#seriously ANY little bit helps#just. god.#been in a depressive episode for months. can't get a job. my health is worsening. i can't eat because my throat muscles no longer work#can barely sleep lately which is making it harder to apply for jobs and stuff. just had to have my partner pay over 1k in car repairs that#were necessary but i couldn't afford myself. still have to do christmas shit. still have to schedule my wisdom tooth surgery.#this feels terrible. everything is going so wrong lately. not to bring on the pity party but like holy shit lmao#i'm in shambles lately and idk how much the overdraft fees will be but just knowing I might be fucked is already tolling on me so hard#shut up crisa
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1000 Followers Update!
Due to some super fun chronic health shenanigans, the posting for the 1000 Followers Celebration is being postponed a month! Posting will start on 2/2 with to all the ghost still standing in this room, and continue as previously planned from there. Thank you guys for bearing with me-- I struggled with the idea of even postponing for a week, but it became very clear on Monday that I would not be able to catch up with the schedule unless I took an extended break to recover. Can't wait to show you guys what I've got up my sleeve!
#1000 followers#i don't talk much about my illness struggles on here because without a word count limit#i would absolutely write myself into a terrible spiral talking about some of the very recent setbacks#but I do weekly goals up on twitter and I often talk about what's going on there#so it's only fair that i explain a bit in some tag chatter where i have to stay on task#to start: i'm fine and I'm going to be quick to recover now that i've gotten my meds#but due to all sorts of insurance bullshittery that has occurred since september/october#my last three infusions have been over a week late. two of them have been nearly two weeks or over#and coupled with a particularly nasty stomach bug + christmas stress#i ended up with extremely bad exhaustion and brain fog#and on monday finally flared#thankfully i was able to move my infusion up a day so I only had to wait until wednesday#and me and my husband had planned that I would be out of commission for the 10 days my meds were overdue#so I just had to triage my commitments and lay low until they could get me what i needed#it's been two days and i'm doing much much better. back to a place where I can actually write#probably at a better place than i have been since the beginning of December since today I nearly blew through 1K without even trying#but it's been 2-3 weeks of barely being able to scratch out what i consider my minimum#and then a week and change of not being able to even READ without it overwhelming me#so i finally had to face the music of: not only can I NOT do this on time but I need fully shift it#so that I can work without stressing myself or my limits#i am a rat gnawing at the bars of my little rat cage over it but it is what it is#tldr; i'm here i'm fine i just have to accept my human limitations and i don't like it
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