#christmas creature cavalcade

[candied-peach]

ao3: "gag gifts" rating: T warnings: moceit, dukeceit, platonic intruality, remus typical humor, food mention genre: fluff description: Patton loves his gift so much, he wants to spread the Christmas cheer a little further this year.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

Just a happy pappy father figment, Patton thinks, creeping over to the door that separates the dark sides' living area and looking at it. Roman added a yellow crisscross of caution tape to it at some point, but the tape is peeling, and 'Juicy Ass' has been added to it in acid green marker. He has three tubes of different Christmas wrapping paper under one arm, a variety of cardboard boxes stuffed into a bigger box under the other, and his heart is pounding so loud, he thinks it's a miracle no one has come out of their rooms to investigate the ruckus. Logan is busy trying to solve Virgil's puzzle, Roman is most likely listening to Christmas carols in his own room or perhaps putting the finishing touches on a winter wonderland in the Imagination, and Patton already checked on Virgil earlier- he's fallen asleep early, with his headphones in, emo music filtering out into the air.

He juggles everything to open the door, wincing when the hinges creak. Dim light spills out, what looks like the glow of Christmas lights in rainbow colors. Despite himself, Patton feels a twinge of curiosity. He's never seen what it looks like when the others decorate for Christmas. Hadn't really paid much thought to it before. It shouldn't surprise him, but a little squeak escapes when he reaches the first garland of lights and realizes all the light bulbs are actually shaped like dicks. Red spreads across his face like a stain. Clearly Remus's touch.

"Whatcha doin', Daddy?" Remus breathes into Patton's ear, suddenly right behind him, and Patton nearly screams as he whirls around, dropping the tubes of wrapping paper. Remus doesn't look apologetic at all.

"Remus!" Patton hisses. "You startled me!"

"I know," Remus says. His eyes nearly glow poison green in the dark. Bioluminescence. His grin is just a little too wide. "And I repeat, whatcha doin', Daddy-O?"

"I just-" Patton sighs. "Is Janus asleep?"

"Yep," Remus answers. "Why? Didja wanna put something in his bed?" His eyes gleam, much like his teeth. "I can help ya if you want, but only if it's dangerous!"

"No," Patton blurts out. The side in front of him almost looks disappointed. "No, I just- I wanted-" Patton huffs a sigh, bending down and retrieving the wrapping paper. "I wanted to return the favor," he admits. "His gift really- really tickled my funny bone, and the card was sweet, and I just-" Patton fumbles for a moment, before tilting the cavalcade of boxes so Remus can see the homemade cards nestled inside.

"I wanted to make him a little gag gift of his own," Patton says. "And leave it down here. Is- is that okay?" He feels like holding his breath, waiting for Remus's response. Luckily, it's not long in coming.

"Yeah, sure!" Remus agrees, willingly enough. "Ya know, you could have wrapped it all over there." Patton flushes crimson. In all the subterfuge he had been plotting, he...hadn't considered that.

"Lemme help," Remus pleads. "I can make the boxes different shapes! To confuse him more!" 

"Okay," Patton says, as Remus grabs his shoulder and tugs him over to a ratty plaid-patterned couch that had more stains on it than Patton wanted to think about. Remus plops down on the thin carpet, hands held up for the boxes, and Patton grabs the cards out of the top box before handing them over. Remus raises an eyebrow when he notices that there are two, and Patton reddens again.

"For you, too," Patton says. "But you can't see until Christmas."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Remus says, agreeably enough. Patton doesn't trust it at all. When Remus looks down, chewing on a stray piece of cardboard, Patton tucks Remus's card under his shirt. Just for the time being.

Remus summons scissors and tape (the tape is strangely fuzzy the first time, until Patton pleads for a more normal one- Remus looks like he wants to argue until Patton admits in a quiet voice it's a sensory thing, and then he gets new tape without blinking), and they spend a surprisingly amenable time together, arranging and rearranging present boxes until the final product looks like Janus is unwrapping a vacuum cleaner.

"Here ya go," Remus says, handing Patton a second box. This one is shaped like a trashcan and already wrapped. "For my card."

"Thank you, but I-" Patton pauses, patting the front of his shirt. The card is gone. He blinks at Remus, astonished. "How did you-"

Remus grins.

"That's for me to know and you to find out!" He singsongs, cackling to himself. "Nighty night, Pattycake!"

"Good night," Patton says, climbing to his feet with the help of one of Remus's surprisingly hot hands. He finds himself smiling. "Thank you for your help, Remus. You'll- you'll make sure Janus gets it, right?"

"Of course! What do you take me for?" Remus asks, mock offended as he puts a hand to his heart. He tilts his head impossibly far to one side. "Oh! Oh, Janny's awake!"

"Oh!" Patton exclaims. He attempts to bolt out of the living room, only to run smack into the side in question. Janus blinks, staring down at Patton's sprawled form with sleep-blurred eyes.

"Patton?" Janus asks, his voice raspy and addled with fatigue. He's still wearing his Christmas sweater, but he's added snake-patterned pajama pants to the ensemble, and to Patton's slight surprise, he is wearing the socks Roman gave him. "What are you doing here?" He offers a hand to help Patton up, and Patton realizes that he's not wearing his gloves.

"Helping me!" Remus chimes in brightly. "Come on, Jan Jan, we gotcha somethin'!"

"Perish the thought," Janus says dryly, as Remus plants a sloppy, enthusiastic kiss on Janus's scaled cheek. "Thank you. What do you mean?"

"Look!" Remus giggles, pointing at the vacuum-shaped box. Janus's eyebrow raises. Patton flushes red, as both Janus and Remus tow him forward. He finds himself coaxed back onto the couch, surrounded by the pair.

"Whatever could it be," Janus muses, as he reads the tag. "To Janus, from Patton (Remus helped!) Patton, why did you-?" He turns a little, surprised, and Patton just motions toward the gift.

"Go on," Patton encourages, his mouth a little dry. His face is still flushed, and his heart feels a little fluttery. Janus looks very pretty in the dim light.

"Is it...a vacuum?" Janus asks, delicately unpeeling the paper.

"No," Remus nearly shouts, cackling again. "Try again, Janny!"

The next box shouldn't be possible, but it is shaped like a canoe. Janus blinks at it, then grins.

"Oh, I see," Janus says, turning slightly to Patton. "Have you gotten me back then?"

"Maybe," Patton says, trying to sound innocent. "I don't know. Maybe you should keep opening them."

Improbable sizes and shapes slip past in a flurry of Christmas-themed wrapping paper, and Patton is enraptured by Janus's soft laughter and sparkling eyes. Remus refuses to unwrap his own until Janus is down to his own actual card.

"Oh, Patton," Janus says softly when he's finally holding the holiday card, carefully crayoned two-headed snake sprawled across the front. "Thank you."

"Merry Christmas, Janus," Patton murmurs, feeling like he's full of fizzy bubbles.

"Patton!" Remus exclaims, having finally torn the wrapping paper off his own. "You kraken me up, too!" He grins, holding up the card covered in cephalopod puns. Patton had asked Virgil several veiled, completely obvious questions about what Remus had ever showed interest in.

"Would you like to join everyone for breakfast?" Patton asks. "I could make pancakes...?" For a moment, Janus looks like he is going to decline, and Patton feels disappointment weigh down his stomach.

"Why not?" Janus gives in gracefully. "Don't let Remus near the syrup."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Patton promises. To his surprise, he finds Janus's arm settling itself around his shoulders.

"Is this okay?" Janus asks, nervous. Patton beams.

"Of course, Janus," he says. The Christmas dick lights twinkle down on them as Remus springs up from the couch and disappears for a moment.

"Oh, Janny-" Remus starts, running back in.

"You are not putting mistletoe over us," Janus interrupts. Patton tries not to feel a tiny bit disappointed at that.

"You're no fun," Remus pouts. "Fine. Over me instead?" He puts a sprig of mistletoe over his head and wiggles his shoulders in a shimmy. Janus laughs.

"Fine," he says, and tugs Remus down to kiss his cheek.

Patton leans his head against Janus's shoulder, tired from staying up so long.

"Merry Christmas, Patton," Janus says quietly, as Patton's awareness starts to slip away. "I'll wake you up before breakfast, I promise."

[deafmangoes]

Very, very early - literally just after the Ghost of Christmas Past takes him to his old school, he muses that in hindsight he really ought to have given the carollers outside his office some money instead of chasing them off.

That's just from the empathy of remembering his own loneliness as a child.

Ultimately, Scrooge is a good example of a human: flawed, with a biased reference scale that occasionally needs recalibrating, but ultimately a social creature who can still connect with others, even after a lifetime career of being a miser. Maybe there's hope for people like Bezos yet.

... Then again, this is fiction! Perhaps in real life, even a cavalcade of festive phantoms wouldn't help.

It's odd, I always thought Scrooge didn't change at all until the scene with the Ghost of Christmas Future. Reading the actual book, though, he begins to change almost as soon as Marley is gone.

I thought Scrooge's Scrooge Index was 4 (Marley plus the Spirits Three), turns out it was 1. I mean, 4 for a more permanent change I guess, but 1 to start considering being nice to the poor.

[titleknown]

Hey, what do you have to say on the Grinch?

First o all, there ain’t just one, and they ain’t just for Christmas, as anybody who knows about that whole “Paraphenelia Wagon” can tell. Secondly, their actual species name is Green Faces, at least a rough translation.

They’re sorta brought by the wind like those balloon spiders as babies, all wrapped up in baskets, but in the middle of nowhere. They’ve got a knack for tech and a bitter streak a mile wide thanks to knowin nobody for most o their lives.

From what I can tell, the most plausible theory on where they came from is this one city, this big loopy techno-paradise whose intabitants all killed themselves when it turned itno a nightmare. It makes ‘em, at least I think, to create something to share the bitterness it’s left with.

But, IDK, that’s just what I heard...

[rhapsody-under-pressure]

Moonlight Magic pt 2

“Just a memory, that’s it.” Brian told him. “A nice, happy one so that it’ll work.”

“I’m trying. Nothing’s coming through.”

Freddie groaned, laying his wand down on top of his bedsheets and crossing his arms across his chest. They had been at it for the past few hours, studying how to form an incorporeal patronus so that they would be ahead even more so in their defense class. The last thing either of them needed was to fall behind, seeing as the two of them were often so busy for a few days during the month due to his issue. So, as Brian had suggested back in their third year, they try their best to stay ahead as much as possible to avoid any fallbacks.

He watched as Brian muttered the incantation again, a faint blue light coming through the tip of his wand before it fell dark again. He always figured it was easier for him to do these sort of things anyway. He figured it must come from him having an easier time pulling happier memories to the surface than he did. Apparently, to his dismay, none were strong enough. Jenk had already told them they wouldn’t attempt this for quite some time as it was a difficult thing to do, although he had happily displayed his own full-fledged hawk patronus when they had first began discussing dementors.

“You can get more of one than I could.” He sighed. “Let’s just move on to the other stuff. I know you want to get some more work done for astronomy and I’ve to finish all that crap for transfiguration.”

“Oh I get it now; you don’t want a repeat of turning your teeth green again do you?”

Freddie pulled his lip even more so over his teeth, forcing back a smile at the thought of the incident when they had tried changing the color of some body part. “It’s not my fault they wouldn’t change back. Hell you were stuck with purple nails for a good few hours afterwards.”

“And they looked damn good on me too.” Brian teased, Freddie giving him a soft shove as he pushed himself back into a seated position. He looked towards the window, seeing a few white clouds strewn across the bright sky, the gentle light of the sun peeking through the few spaces in the cloud it was currently stuck behind. Majority of the grounds were empty seeing as classes weren’t in session. The only reason anyone would be outside at this time of day would be heading over to see their owl to coordinate anything with their parents with Christmas being a mere month away. He was considering doing the same since he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back home just yet, or if it was even safe to do so. They were to leave roughly the day prior to Christmas Eve and stay there until the new year came about, giving far too much time for the full moon to come about and putting even more pressure on him and Brian. That wasn’t to say it was impossible, they had to do it back during Easter of their third year. Somehow, they had made it work by locking him inside of Brian’s shed that sat unused until spring. That worn out, old shack made him long for the room they had here at the castle since all it did was make him remember even more so what would happen if he was left to roam about freely.

Thankfully, his family never argued if he wanted to remain home for the holidays and the same went for Brian’s too. It was always the usual, and always truthful, excuse that they had work to do at school and didn’t want to fall behind. So their gifts would come to the school and they’d send theirs out. Simple, easy, and effortless; something the two of them hadn’t had much of over the past few years.

“Think we should send something home later?” Freddie asked, removing his attention from the empty outside.

“Not sure, why? Has something come up?”

“No, not that I know of hopefully. Mainly ‘cause Christmas is around the corner and I wanted my family to know that I’ll stay here again due to schoolwork.”

“I can check when the moon is-” Brian started, reaching towards his stack of his astronomy books that he had taken out.

“Brian…You know we’re not that lucky. The last two years it’s always come during the holiday. Even if it somehow comes before we leave, do you think I want to go there a day or two afterwards? I’m sorry but it’s just going to be hell, especially if I get another mark on my face or neck that they’ll all see.”

Brian was still scouring over the book he had taken out; the many phases of the moon being displayed with a corresponding date underneath. He sighed and laid back against his bed, wishing that it had been a blue moon again so that the moon would come early on in the month instead of near the end, even though having to deal with two of them during one month wasn’t something he was keen on doing either.

While he continued to see when the moon was going to hit next month, Freddie hunted for some kind of happy memory he could use to even form a basic patronus. Although Brian hadn’t had much luck either, nor did he expect either of them to do so since they had only begun roughly three weeks ago with learning about these creatures, he wanted to get it done with. He knew Brian wanted him to have it down more so than he wanted to create his own since he wasn’t the one affected as badly as he was every month. So he’d pause his own progress to help him catch up if needed.

Memories resurfaced slowly, all of them being relatively happy but none of them quite bringing that huge crash of joy that would produce some kind of patronus. He thought back to his earliest of memories regarding Charlotte and him playing around with her as a kid. Then came the time when he was around six and had gotten frightened over a spider outside and he had gotten rid of it by accidentally blowing it away a good few meters, thus letting him and the rest of his family know that he was indeed possessing some kind of magic. More came up, each making him feel blissfully relaxed with all those sweet thoughts that were now swarming in his mind.

“Well, you’re right anyway.” Brian finally said. “It’s on the twenty second and the next day would be hectic if we tried going home.”

He was forced out of his self-created peace as he opened his eyes and looked towards his lover, seeing his grim expression as he pointed right at the picture of the full moon with the twenty second written just underneath it.

“I knew we weren’t that lucky. Least it’s not directly on Christmas or the day after.” He replied, guilt tightening his stomach as he remembered their fourth year and how ever lucky they were when it had landed on Christmas Eve and he was forced to spend it feeling ill and then alone for the whole night.

“Yeah…I guess that’s some kind of luck.” Brian continued, biting down on his bottom lip for a second. “You know what? Let’s go to the Owlery. You can go see Twilight! He’s been up there forever and you know he’d love to see you again.”

Freddie hummed in response, tucking his wand into his cloak and getting up from his bed. He couldn’t bring himself to look back up at his boyfriend, not after he saw that look upon his face when he told him about the moon again. He shuddered, forcing those thoughts back down so that he wouldn’t remember where they were going to be once more in a few weeks’ time. You’re fine dammit, the moon passed already and you’ll be getting better for the next couple of days. Even with it being the next day, his lingering exhaustion was still incapacitating him. His weakened state was only making him more susceptible to any sort of attacks, making it even harder to function both physically and mentally.

“Come on.” Brian coerced, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his smaller frame, a soft blush forming on his face as he felt him nuzzle the side of his face. “It’s beautiful outside and some fresh air’s gonna be nice instead of this stuffy room.”

He silently agreed, soon reaching over and grabbing his scarf that was folded neatly on top of his nightstand and wrapping it around his neck. Brian tugged on his cloak that had been hanging next to his own bed while grabbing a few pieces of parchment and a quill. His body groaned slightly, begging for him to just go lay back down and not bother walking around so he could get his energy back. It was already a struggle for him to go against it, yet he continued following his partner out of the room and down the staircase, wanting nothing more than to get outside after being locked up for so long.

…

Miscellaneous hoots from the cavalcade of owls hit him as soon as they opened the door of the Owlery, Freddie already starting to glance around for Brian’s rather large, grey owl that was usually off to the left of the door when they walked in. Brian soon followed, running his hands through his hair as he searched for his beloved owl among the many others that were doing their own thing around them.

“There he his, come down here you big oaf.” Brian said playfully, the large bird halting its grooming and flying down to meet his height on one of the nearby perches. Twilight’s yellow eyes hovered over to him, his beak coming in contact with his outstretched hand and gently nibbling his thin fingers.

“I should get one. I’ve never had an owl for myself.”

“Don’t your parents have one?”

“Well, yes. It’s mainly my mother’s. My father doesn’t really like ‘em so she’s the one who attaches it to Clover.”

“You wanna write it out?” He asked. “If it reaches my parents they’ll tell yours and vice versa so it doesn’t really matter who it’s sent to.”

“Go ahead, he’s your owl.” Freddie answered, continuing to softly stroke the top of the large owl’s head.

“Like that matters. You haven’t written home all year. Least not since the first week. Go send something to your parents Fred. They probably miss hearing from you.”

They wouldn’t if they knew what they got for a son. “Alright, give it here.”

He handed him the fresh sheet of parchment and his own delicate white quill. The familiar feeling of guilt settled over his stomach as he pondered what to write while Brian played around with his owl. He hated having to lie about it all, especially to his own family since they didn’t deserve having to wonder why he wouldn’t come home for the holidays. The last thing he needed was to ever come home during the full moon and risk being late and stuck in the house during it. Everyone’s safety would be at risk because they accidentally forgot one thing. Even the chance of someone just finding out was astronomically high. Hell he even risked killing them if it ever lost control and he couldn’t fathom the repercussions.

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’m sorry for being so quiet over the past few months. School’s kept me busy with upcoming N.E.W.Ts and all the difficulties accompanying prefect duties. But we’ve been lucky with the classes we chose to keep this year! Potions has gotten interesting and we’ve started with patronuses and dementors in defense.

It’s all been so demanding though. Brian’s been having the same issues with his classes and I think that we’re going to remain at the school for the holiday this year to stay caught up with all the work. We don’t want to risk falling behind or any of that. Hopefully when Easter rolls around we’ll be able to come home then! I’m sorry for not being able to come home again…

His hand froze, the words suddenly stopping as he sighed in defeat. He didn’t want to stay here again and miss Christmas at home because of his choice that caused all of this. But what more could he do? Have the moon happen a week earlier so that he could actually heal, catch up on work, and not endure it during the holiday itself? If he did have that power he’d do so in a heartbeat.

“Freddie, you alright?” Brian asked, his hand coming down onto his shoulder as he nodded in response.

“Just don’t know what to tell them. I can’t stand giving the same excuse every year.” He admitted.

“Freddie they’re not going to be upset. They’ll be a bit disappointed but it’s not the end of the world. You can send them a letter when Christmas comes up so that they can hear from you then!” He said in his happiest voice he could find at the moment.

He scoffed, returning his attention to the sheet of parchment in front of him and quickly resuming what he had wanted to say.

I don’t want to be a bother again when I come home. I know you’ll all be fine without me there. I’ll make sure to send a letter when December comes by to wish it to you then.

I love you both ♡

Freddie

Brian handed him a lilac colored envelope, his home address already written across it in Brian’s own neat script while he folded his letter into a neat square so that it would fit. Twilight held out his foot, eagerly ruffling his feathers and slightly spreading his wings. He tied the letter around his foot and watched him immediately fly off out of the Owlery and into the clear sky.

“Should be only a few days. Give it a week or two and you’ll get a response.”

Freddie hummed in response, pulling his cloak across his body even more so as a harsh wind made its way into the small room. Immediately he felt Brian’s arms wrapped around his body, the added warmth of his pressed up against his back making his weak frame almost collapse in his arms.

“It’s almost lunch.” Brian began. “We can head down to the dining hall and you can eat if you’re up for it?”

He smiled softly, lightly tugging at his partner’s arm over to the exit of the Owlery. As they reached the door, he turned him over and pressed him against the wall, laying his index finger on the center of his chest. He glanced up, relishing that shock and opposing concern in his hazel eyes. Without another word, he stood up on his toes to reach his boyfriend’s height and pressed his lips against his, his body relaxing as his eyes fell shut and his arms wrapped around his waist.

“I love you. You’ve no idea how much I do.” He whispered as soon as he pulled back.

“You’re the best thing in my life. Don’t you forget that.” Brian replied, softly tightening his hold around his body.

It was as if everything bad had gone away. Every moon hadn’t happened, every scar on his body had vanished, and every attack he had ever endured had all been a figment of his imagination. After all that time, he was still relieved that he hadn’t been the one to lose him to someone else.

“Let’s get down there, I don’t want someone coming up here and spoiling all this for us.” He said, slowly reaching for the knob of the door and feeling Brian release him from his gentle hold around him.

“We don’t need a repeat of Roger’s little observation from yesterday.” Brian told him, his face going white as soon as he finished his sentence.

“Brian dear don’t worry.” He soothed, knowing that he was already beating himself up for reminding both of them of him nearly slipping into one of his attacks yesterday beneath the tree. “It’s not our third year and I didn’t go through a full one. You can mention them.”

He remained silent, obviously still hating for slipping up as he followed him out of the Owlery. The fresh, cold air that hit his face felt contrastingly refreshing, more so than it had when he had first left the castle to make his way over here. Brian walked ahead of him, burying the side of his face into his hand and running it back through his hair, letting out a long sigh of frustration. He reached out and grabbed Brian’s wrist, his frame tensing up as he stopped moving.

“Don’t beat yourself up, please. It’s nothing big.” He whispered in a barely audible voice, wishing desperately that he wouldn’t let it consume his rationale once more. He gave a weak smile, trying his best to shake his lover’s worry that he was upset over what he had accidentally said. The soft smirk that followed relaxed his own nerves, Freddie pulling him back so he could wrap his arms around his waist, softly sighing as he felt Brian’s hand softly stroke his arm. Not another word was spoken, the two of them making their way back down the steps as soon as he released his hold around him, quietly following him down to the dining hall.

…

Savory scents filled the Great Hall. Freshly cooked turkey, ham, and chicken mingled with the warm scent of baked bread rolls and the hearty ones that wafted off the cooked vegetables. Brian led Freddie down the hall over to what was the Ravenclaws’ tables that was slightly empty for the time being. Students were quickly filtering into the area, the once lovable silence diminishing as more chatter bounced off the surrounding walls and filled the large area.

“Come on, our spot’s free right now.” Brian said, eagerly tugging his boyfriend down towards the end of the second table to make sure no one would steal it from them.

They seated themselves in their usual spot, Brian taking quick notice of the slight nauseous look on Freddie’s face as he looked at the extensive set of diverse food in front of them. Everyone around them was already digging in, snatching the utensils from the bowls and plates to grab whatever pieces or servings they desired, only a couple looking their way as they continued to sit there silently without any food on their golden plates.

“You want anything? Look there’s some salad if you want something light.” He suggested, his own stomach growling at the sight.

“I’ll take something in a moment.” He replied softly, pulling his legs up onto his seat and laying his folded arms on top of his knees. “You go eat something, I know you’re hungry Bri.”

He turned his attention towards the aforementioned salad, grabbing a few scoops of it and placing it along his plate, Freddie already reaching out for the vinaigrette that was among the group of dressings. He sighed in defeat, grabbing his fork and starting to eat his lunch, Freddie passing one of the rolls in front of him and leaving it on the corner of his plate away from the puddle of dressing that had started spreading towards its edge.

“Eat dear.” Freddie said, motioning towards the small indent he’d made in his food. “I will eat something, don’t worry about me. It might be later on during dinner.”

“Have that roll, I’m fine with the salad.”

Freddie opened his mouth to argue again, but clamped it shut and took the roll off of his plate, reaching out in front of him and taking a small square of butter off of the stick, ripping the bread in two and spreading it along the steaming inside.

“You still up for going to the library later? Roger wanted some help with transfiguration and John’s struggling with Care of Magical Creatures.” Freddie asked after he finished the first half of his roll.

“Well you can help John with that. I know how to handle worms and fangless snakes.” He replied. “I’m fine helping Roger out.”

“Darling neither of us are good with that! I’d run at the first sight of a grindylow! Let alone whatever the hell John’s learning about now.”

“I believe they’re nifflers. Nothing too bad so I think you’ll be alright if you take him on this time. And it’s not like he’s bringing one for you to study with him.”

He snickered at the thought of John trying to sneak one into the library in a cage without being caught. He looked behind him, trying to see if Roger had already snuck down or left to speak with his boyfriend away from his own house. As expected, he could already see him hovering over who he assumed was his boyfriend and was happily chatting with him, ignoring his own meal for a chance to speak with him until they could go back to their own day together.

“Thank God we’re not in different houses.” Brian remarked, unable to imagine how hard everything would be if they were. Having to sneak around to see each other through the castle, sharing hardly any classes, not getting to see him at the end of the day. The worst thing would still be how to deal with the moon when it came around since he couldn’t be in the same room the day of.

“Hmm…” Freddie began, glancing behind him towards the other houses. “I think we’d find a way to get around. Sneaking off downstairs in the middle of the night to screw around in some empty classroom of some sorts.” He leaned closer, just a few centimeters from his ear. “Maybe actually getting around to a decent shag with me pinned up against one of the walls.”

“Freddie.” Brian hissed, instinctively swallowing his forkful of salad at Freddie’s vulgar remark. “I do not need others hearing that.”

“That’s not what you said at Halloween last year. Hmm, shirking our prefect duties since you quite liked me in my little devil’s outfit last year.”

Embarrassment stormed through his body as his face turned a bright red at Freddie’s reminder of how they spent the remainder of Halloween after the feast had ended. Yet his little comment did eventually bring a smile to his face now that his partner was starting to brighten up from his grim mood from earlier.

“A-anyway…” Brian started after the initial shock wore off.

“Oh don’t be so shy dear!” Freddie teased as he reached over him for a nearby chicken leg. “Just relax, you’re acting like no one’s ever fucked in this school before. Hell I bet you that Roger and John’ve even gotten around to doing something when no one’s around.”

“Just because they do doesn’t mean that everyone’s got a right to know about it.” He replied, finishing up the last bit of his salad.

Freddie snickered playfully, leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on his cheek before he returned to his small bit of chicken. He was glad to see him eating again and without him having to practically hold the food out for him to eat. Having some kind of proof that his lover was recovering was a nice thing to see, even more so since it was much faster than usual.

“Let’s get out of here, I wanna spend some time outside now that it’s started to heat up a bit.” Freddie begged, tugging at his sleeve and motioning towards the doors that already had a few groups of students rushing out of them to spend their day off outside. Brian couldn’t help but agree, abandoning his plate and quickly grabbing one of the desserts off the trays that were starting to pop up in between the many, now devoured, plates that once contained the main courses.

Crisp autumn winds hit both of them as soon as they entered the grounds, Brian instinctively looking back to make sure his lover was alright in his still weakened state. He waved him off, claiming he was alright despite the current look of exhaustion that was only growing upon his face. Maybe he should just convince him to go back inside and back up to their dormitory or even the common room. At least there they could relax with some kind of warmth. Yet Freddie persisted, never once asking for help as they walked along the yellowing grass that stretched across the land.

He watched him look across the area, a sense of relaxation finally coming over him now that he saw that genuine light start to sneak back into his gaze. Even with the dark circles beneath his eyes, the lingering paleness across his skin, and those accursed scars that luckily weren’t marring too much what was visible to everyone else, he hadn’t seen him look so calm in months.

“Despite what I said yesterday, I really do love autumn.” Freddie said out of nowhere, casually kicking at the leaves and watching them scatter. “I dunno, it’s just nice to see everything.”

“I know you just like the fact that summer’s gone. Always bitching about the heat.” Brian commented, earning a gentle smack on his arm from his giggling boyfriend.

“That doesn’t matter! I just like the season. The trees look lovely and it’s not deathly hot outside for once!”

“Exactly, summer’s gone and that’s why you like it you dolt.” Brian continued, Freddie rolling his eyes at his statement, but still holding that small smile.

“Yes, yes. You happy now?” Freddie asked. “It looks a hell lot better than winter if you…”

His eyes locked on the sight in front of him. The Forbidden Forest stretched out in front of them, the dense collection of trees allowing little to no light to break through the many branches that surrounded the area. A few faint shadows of whatever creatures were lurking amongst the shadows, none of them bothering with venturing out into the open. Freddie’s gaze moved towards the grass, his body going stiff as his eyes followed what had once been the silvery path that he made during their third year.

“Freddie?” He asked, seeing him wrap his arms around his middle, his right hand rubbing along his side that carried the scars that the beast had left along him that same night. “It’s not in there. It was a rogue one. There’s no way in hell it’s coming back here to hurt you.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it, shaking his head gently before he leaned forward, taking a seat on the leaf-covered terrain and leaning on his hands, looking back up at the sky. Emotions began storming in his gaze again, accompanying memories no doubt seeping back into his thoughts. Brian’s own imagination began acting up again as his mind created those intrusive images of his lover’s twisting frame inside of that cell that he had put him in two nights prior. Moonlight seeped through the windows, covering the ground in a pale light that contrasted Freddie’s pain-filled cries as everything took hold of him and his infliction would take over again.

What was he even doing? He hadn’t ever seen what his mind was conjuring. All he’d ever gotten from the full moon’s effect on his partner was during their fifth year in at the start of the school year when he had just shut the second door behind him. He had heard the loud crash of one of the chairs he had in there topple over, a strident scream of pain echoing off the walls of the room soon following. Not even a second later had he rushed out of the room, unable to force himself to listen to any more of that dreadful transformation.

He sat down next to his partner, taking him into his arms and bringing him closer, his limp frame not objecting to his movement as he tugged him closer. Thankfully there was no hast in his heartbeat and it remained fairly steady, his light breathing only bringing his nervousness back down. He’s alright Brian, you know he is. He told himself, absentmindedly moving his hand down his side and over to his scarred leg, Freddie’s breath hitching in his throat as he gently moved his hand along the scar he could barely feel beneath the fabric of his trousers. He softly ran his hand across it, copying the action with the other one along his chest.

“I don’t want December to come.” Freddie confided. “I just don’t want that again…”

“It’s gonna come, I’m sorry. I would stop time if I could.” I’d go back and change time if I could. “You’ll be alright. You’ve done it so many times and have gotten through every single one.”

Freddie merely shrugged, sighing at his sentence as he began picking at the grass, tugging multiple strands out at once and letting them fly away in the wind. “It gets tiring. I just want a break for a month.”

Each of them remained silent, neither knowing what to say. Brian glanced towards the forest, trying to shift Freddie away from seeing the forest and the patch where everything had gone down. He sighed softly, focusing in on the steady beat of his partner’s heart and light breathing, not wanting anything to disrupt this rare moment of peace that had come upon the two of them.

…

“I am doing the movement right!” Roger argued out of frustration, poking at the many spines that lined his pin cushion that had once been a little hedgehog. “I swear it worked once and there weren’t any spines!”

“You’ve got to focus a bit more on the movements Rog.” Brian instructed, gently grabbing the squeaking pin cushion and laying it in front of him. In a second the little brown creature was back, looking around with wide eyes at its surroundings as Roger gently grabbed it and brought it over to where he was sitting, smirking softly as the little animal allowed him to pet its small face.

“Just focus on the end goal. Else John’ll be able to make one before you can.”

“Funny, last time I remember you trying to transfigure something it turned into a hopping soda bottle. Poor rabbit.” He teased.

“I’ll turn your hair grey if you keep bringing that up.” Brian retorted, pointing his walnut wand at his blond hair. “Age you up a bit so you don’t look like a six-year-old.”

“You’re the one who needs to grow up. You get all flustered every time Fred brings up sex.”

“Oh hush up, your hedgehog’s getting away.” He told him, pointing towards the scampering little creature that was nearing the edge of the table.

He glanced behind him, seeing Freddie scan the stack of books he had perched next to him and John, the latter being huddled up behind a book about Defense Against the Dark Arts instead of the set about magical creatures that sat untouched next to him. His eyes dashed across the page, eagerly taking in everything that was displayed as Freddie came back over and opened up a book on sixth year charms.

“Okay, show me what to do. Least when that’s all done with I can move on in that class. It’s my last bit of homework for the weekend.” Roger said, holding up the small spiny animal in front of his face. Brian picked up the tiny thing, placing it down in front of him and reciting the necessary spell with the required hand movement, Roger watching intently as he tried mimicking his actions with his own ash wand. In an instant the little rodent was turned into a fat blue pin cushion that immediately sat still and ceased all sounds.

“See, simple. Just imagine what kind of pin cushion you want. If you keep picturing the hedgehog, all you’re gonna get is a spiny one that keeps squeaking.”

Roger nodded in response and Brian changed the animal back into its normal self, feeling slightly bad at the hell they were putting it through for the time being. While Roger continued to work on his transfiguring, he grabbed his nearby Astronomy book, opening it up to the pages about the many constellations they had started to study. His mind began drifting back to earlier when they had begun to touch upon the full moon’s upcoming dates. He couldn’t help but flip back to the front of the book where he had stored a moon chart for quick reference, just to be sure of when it would show up the next month.

December twenty second, just as it said earlier Brian. Stop worrying for now. He told himself again, folding the large page up and looking behind him towards Freddie once again, seeing him run his hand along his stomach before returning to his reading. John leaned over and whispered something that led to Freddie nodding and folding up his book. The younger boy looked away from his lover in his direction for a split second before he handed him the book and turned around, his back now facing him.

“Finally!” Roger exclaimed out of relief, Brian’s attention snapping away from the other two and looking down at the Gryffindor’s squared, yellow pin cushion that had taken the place of his hedgehog. He held it up, his bright blue eyes shining with pride and relief.

“There you go. Anything else you’re having problems with?” Brian asked, Roger quickly shaking his head as he stuffed the cushion into his pocket and reached out for his own Herbology book that he had shoved to the edge of their table.

“Go grab the creatures’ book Deaky.” Freddie said, Brian turning back around and seeing the sick look upon Freddie’s face.

“Ahw but come on! Jenk’s just given me a book that goes more in depth into these things and I wanna show him that I’m not wasting my time! Ooh, you think he’d given me extra credit if I went and wrote an essay on vampires or boggarts?”

“Darling that guy would probably give you a whole letter grade up if you give him an extra paragraph more than what he asked for.” Freddie replied with a weak grin.

John pulled a weak smile and folded up his book, delicately laying it on top of the pile behind him and snuck the magical creatures’ one out from underneath it. He passed it over to Freddie, the once ill expression on his face vanishing as soon as John began telling him what he needed to go over.

“What’re you guys talking about in defense right now?” Roger asked.

“Patronuses and dementors.”

“Lucky you. John’s told me they’ve had to go over all those nocturnal beasts again in his class because majority of them in there can’t tell a vampire from a werewolf!”

Brian chuckled nervously, swallowing thickly as he glanced behind him in Freddie’s direction, relief flooding through him as he saw him focused on helping the younger boy study and not intruding upon their conversation.

“Well, that’s sort of embarrassing.” Brian admitted. “Besides being out at night, there’s not much similarities between them.”

“You’re right about that. Both deserve to be kept away from the regular world as much as possible.” He replied. “Werewolves especially. It’s awful what they’ve got but they really shouldn’t get the chance to pass it on to other people.”

“It’s not really their fault…They just really need to be…kept away when it’s the full moon.” Brian refuted.

“People still aren’t safe then.” Roger concluded. “Anyway, John’s dying to learn more in that class instead of learning all this stuff again. It’s quite endearing to be honest…” He said in a softer voice, his eyes brightening as finished his statement.

“And you’ve the nerve to call me and Freddie lovebirds.” Brian teased. “Look at you, all mushy over Deaky ever since you two got together.”

Roger’s face went bright red as he shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, what can I say? He’s just…Great to be around.”

“Honeymooners.” Brian jeered, Roger tossing his pincushion at him while trying to keep his laughter under control.

Hours ticked by, the library slowly emptying out, all candles going dim besides his own that sat between him and Freddie while they reviewed their charms work together. Soon enough the only other people in the library were them four, a few other fifth years, and the librarian herself who too was looking quite tired. Brian rubbed the growing sleep out of his eyes, trying to focus on the wand motion again for the silencing charm he was still having issues with accomplishing while Freddie lazily froze and unfroze the wax in the candle, staring at it with an uninterested gaze.

Freddie snickered softly, his gaze moving away from the green candle and over to the nearby bookshelves. “Brian, Brian look!” He whispered playfully, leaning across the table and shaking his shoulder.

“Fred I’m busy.” He stated. “And I won’t mind testing out the charm on you if you won’t be quiet.”

“But look!” He insisted.

Brian sighed in defeat and placed the book down, checking behind him at whatever it was Freddie was so eager about. His mouth twitched up into a soft smile at the sight. Roger curled up against John’s stomach with one of his arms lazily thrown across the book in John’s lap while the other was lost behind him. John’s head was leaning back against the bookshelves behind him, each of them deeply lost in their own sleep and oblivious to everything around them. He couldn’t help but let out a soft “Awh” at the innocent sight in front of them.

“Think we should wake ‘em up?” Brian asked.

“Hmm…” Freddie hummed dreamily. “Reminds me of when you fell asleep on my shoulder because of your riveting astronomy homework.”

“Oh hush!” Brian teased as he closed his book and stuffed it into his bag with the others. He stood up and walked over to the two younger students, gently shaking John’s shoulder to wake him up. His eyes eventually opened, a soft yawn making its way out of him as he stretched in place.

“Oh God, what time is it?” John asked sleepily, his eyes threatening to fall shut again as he rested his head against the top of his chest.

“Late. Everyone’s nearly gone. I suggest you get him up to his house so he can sleep, alright? We can study more another night.” He told him, motioning downwards to his still slumbering partner.

“Right, right. I’ll see you two tomorrow then.”

Brian nodded in response, heading back towards the exit to the library to where his boyfriend was standing. He glanced behind him, watching as John shook Roger awake. The Gryffindor groaned something unintelligible yet loud enough to earn a harsh “Shh” from the librarian.

“Not much of a waker is he?” Freddie asked as he held the door open for him, letting him walk out first as they headed down the hallways towards the tower that held their house.

“Never has been.” He admitted, his mind starting to drift back to earlier to the sick look upon his lover’s face when John had begun going off on the dark creatures he had been learning about once again. But he kept himself silent, knowing he wouldn’t get anything truthful from his lover if he asked.

…

Blue flames lit up the stone walls, casting a cooling light across the staircase as they climbed up the last few and headed towards the entrance to their dormitory once again. The eagle sprang to life, apathetically looking up at them and giving them their riddle.

“What month has twenty-eight days?” It asked.

“All of them.” Freddie replied lazily, the eagle nodding and swinging the door open, Freddie dragging his tired frame through the door and heading towards the common room. Brian followed, the air tensing as he slowed his pace. He kept a fairly large distance between him and his partner. Nothing needed to be said. Why else would he be lying about how he felt about John’s comment? It was just Freddie trying to build up his pride again after he broke down the night before. He’d dealt with it plenty of times before. But just because he had gone through it didn’t mean he knew how to properly handle it.

He hung back, watching him climb up the stairs as he settled himself in one of the couches next to the fireplace. The flame had started dying out, the enchantment that kept it that vibrant blue and gold color dying away as it returned to its natural orange and red. The remaining flickers of the shrinking flame tried to regrow to its old vigor, yet continued to fall back down to the growing pile of embers that sat at the bottom of the stones. He considered tossing some kind of water onto it to put it out of its misery until a house elf would come by and reignite it for the day once again, but sat still and continued to gaze at the small glow.

Go up there and talk to him. He’ll probably appreciate it. Brian told himself as he brought the rest of his body up onto the couch and leaned back against the arm. He might be asleep already, you don’t want to annoy him by waking him up. Besides, he needs some sleep. He sighed in defeat, hating himself for rehashing the conversation over in his head. Repeating the same phrases to his lover over and over again to try and soothe his nerves instead of leaving him to his own devices again. He might need some time alone. He suggested. Right because he didn’t get enough of that two nights ago. You know that’s not him. Nor is it relaxing at all. He pushed the thought away, trying to not bring that up again and wishing that it would die out into the background of his mind until the moon began growing once more.

Was it even right to not tell anyone? He thought, thinking back to how fervent Freddie had been that day with Madam Jones remaining quiet about his newfound infliction and how he too had jumped on board so quickly. Maybe they should’ve just told the teachers. It’d put less pressure on them to do better. He knew he couldn’t tell Roger or John. Roger already had terrible thoughts towards those things and as much as he tried not showing it, he despised them with every inch of his being. As for John, he just had no idea how he’d react. Volatile? Silent? Would he never talk to them again? Or would he blab to everyone about having a werewolf as his friend? It was all so unpredictable that he couldn’t even fathom the idea of letting someone else know.

He looked down at the dark carpet, tracing his eyes along the intricate designs that decorated the small rug in the middle of the room. You got to do something to take his mind off of it. Try the patronus thing again. He’d be ecstatic to get that thing working. He considered, smirking softly at the thought of his face glowing once more as something went right so soon after something so terrible occurred again. He pushed himself up, not wanting to risk falling asleep atop the couch and managed to heave himself across the floor and up the stairs.

Upon opening the door, he was greeted with the darkness of his dormitory. The other two boys who accompanied them in their room were fast asleep underneath the blankets of their respected beds. On the other hand, Freddie was still out of his. Only partially, however. His frame was slack over the side of it, the upper half laying splayed out against it while he was still knelt down on the ground. His wand was hanging limply in his right hand next while his head rested against an open book, the depiction of a glowing bear erupting from the wand of an unknown wizard’s wand leaping forward to defend it from the crowd of dementors.

“Poor thing…” He whispered as he headed over as quietly as he could. He stuck his hands under his arms and hoisted him out of his position, managing a weak smile as his head went slack against his shoulder. Brian laid him down on top of his bed, silently begging that he’d just roll onto the side and stay asleep and get a proper rest again. His focus tuned in on his breathing, watching as his chest slowly rose up and down in a slightly irregular manner. He resisted the urge to wake him, knowing it was best to see if it calmed down on its own this time around instead of taking him out of his sleep.

As silently as possible, Brian grabbed a spare blanket from next to his bed and gently laid it over his partner’s body, his frame only slightly moving from under it before falling still again besides his still softly moving chest. His eye caught the beginning of the cut along his neck again, seeing it already start to pale to another thin white line that would forever stay upon his skin.

“I’m sorry Freddie.” He whispered as he buried the side of his face in his hand. Freddie stayed immobile, letting out a heavy exhale while Brian moved the blanket up to cover even more of his body. It all made him sick. Seeing those scars, having to hear a split second of just how painful it had been to change, the fact that he could’ve been there for him, and that this, in the end, was all his fault.

[wewerenotthefirst]

prequel to a fic that doesn’t exist where matthew turns into a wolf and bothers ludwig

“Watch out for England,” Gilbert says at the beginning of the war.

He’s in his uniform, having just come from Vienna, and he just watches Ludwig from the doorway. There’s a strange softness in his face for a moment, but when Ludwig straightens, it’s gone and his brother’s expression is serious and stern once more.

“It gets weird around him,” Gilbert clarifies, smoothing the front of his coat, right down the buttons. “It’s his magic. I’m sure his colonies are weird, too. Just be careful.” With a smirk, he adds, “Don’t embarrass me, Ludwig.”

--

Their kind has magic, Ludwig knows. Most of them, at least, have magic. Ludwig doesn’t, and neither does Gilbert, but Gilbert insists that neither of them need it.

“I’m just fantastic,” His brother grins. “And you, you’re one of a kind, Ludwig.”

None of the others talk about their magic, and it’s rude to ask, even if that magic manifests itself and demands attention.

Ludwig’s never been too curious. He knows his existence—the existence of their kind—is something unexplainable already. They’re not human. Ludwig has memories he can’t place, voices he doesn’t know murmuring like a current under his thoughts.

And then there are the stories. They all have stories, and they all know them instinctively. Neither Gilbert nor Roderich favored bedtime stories. But both encouraged opera, so Ludwig knows his people have their beliefs as well.

The stories, the ones his people believe, are true.

--

Ludwig fights in France. His first battle is against England.

The sky is filled with angels.

An arrow from above cuts along the ridge of Ludwig’s cheek and he stares upwards at the luminous display. No one else looks up, because from one direction there are bullets and from above there are arrows.

The soldier next to Ludwig collapses in the dirt, uniform pristine. No blood.

But Ludwig catches the sharp glimmer of feathers, hears another volley of arrows shriek through the air.

More soldiers fall. There is no blood.

--

Next there is the wolf.

--

The beast bites down harder, rending Ludwig’s knee apart in its mouth. Ludwig shouts, feels muck slick between his fingers as he tries to pull himself away. But the beast only holds tighter, its responding growl louder than thunder, louder than artillery.

Ludwig strains for his rifle, twisting and turning in the sucking mud.

The wolf jerks his head, its enormous eyes brighter than a muzzle flash, and Ludwig feels the howl building in his chest.

But he finally reaches his rifle. And he swings it at the wolf, hitting it with a dull crack on its ear and brow. Then he swings again.

--

Ludwig comes to with his upper body in a shell hole, propped up, and mud in his ears and hair. His leg is healed but his trousers are ruined. With labored twist, Ludwig rolls and just rests on his stomach, breathing heavily.

--

On Christmas, the atmosphere is pleasant enough that Ludwig asks Arthur about the wolf. In the background their soldiers have started on another song.

Arthur just stares at him, mouth twisting when he finally speaks.

“It was probably a wild dog,” He says. Arthur tilts his head, and there’s no wind but Ludwig swears that the ends of Arthur’s hair flutters even when he’s still.

“There were angels. At Mons,” Ludwig leans forward, voice low. “Your soldiers carry iron. And you haven’t touched your bread.”

Arthur says nothing. His expression is stony, closed-off.

“After I meet you in battle, some of my men are just gone.” Ludwig’s hands are in fists, and he’s thinking of the howling cavalcade that tears across No Man’s Land before Ludwig’s soldiers are done collecting their dead. “The wolf attacked me after—“

“It was most likely a starving, wild dog,” Arthur repeats coldly.

--

Vicious little things pinch him, their teeth gleaming and caps blood red. Ludwig just kicks at them and they scatter, snapping at him.

From behind, he hears soft laughter and Ludwig turns around. He knows he’s looking at someone like him immediately.

“I’m Canada,” The blond says. He has a lively, sweet face and a rifle laid across his lap as he watches Ludwig from the abandoned lopsided pillbox.

Ludwig recognizes his eyes. Eyes like a muzzle flash.

--

“You shouldn’t be so mean to them,” Matthew scolds, breathlessly, the tip of his boot against Ludwig’s kidney.

(Ludwig had shot at him and Matthew had jumped off the pillbox and tackled Ludwig in response.

Matthew’s hand-to-hand, Ludwig was loath to admit, was far superior to his.)

“Every day, there is something new.” Ludwig snaps, pushing himself up to sit. “Ghosts, goblins, wolves. The fox.”

Matthew gives him a tiny smile. “He avoids me. Most of the creatures avoid me. It hurts Arthur. He wants to share his magic with us, but most of the fair folk avoid us.”

Arthur’s colonies are weird, too.

--

Ludwig’s interactions with Matthew start as fights (with Matthew winning) and end as conversations.

Matthew never fights as a wolf now, but sometimes he smiles just a little wide or the light catches his eyes, and Ludwig thinks of their first fight, his body sliding through mud as Matthew tore him apart.

“What is it with you, Ludwig?” Matthew says, having pinned Ludwig despite the shifting land beneath them. He has mud in his hair and his grin is just a little wild. “Arthur’s fairies haven’t stopped giggling over you. And if you were human, the redcaps would have torn you apart. Most of us can’t see as much as you, and we have magic.”

“I don’t know,” Ludwig says stiffly, trying to shift Matthew off since they’ve finished their customary fistfight. “I would rather not deal with it, however.”

Matthew doesn’t let him up. “Alfred’s a true void. Norway has true magic. I think you’re a magnet, like Arthur.”

“A magnet?”

The other smirks. “It gets weird around you.”

[esonetwork]

Timestamp #203: Turn Left

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/timestamp-203-turn-left/

Timestamp #203: Turn Left

Doctor Who: Turn Left (1 episode, s04e11, 2008)

  What could have been if not for a Noble companion?

The Doctor and Donna have stopped in a bustling marketplace on an alien world. While mixing it up with the locals, Donna wanders away to explore and finds herself in the company of a local fortuneteller. Offered a free reading since she’s a redhead, Donna takes a seat. The fortuneteller talks to her about the Doctor and Donna recounts her first meeting with the Time Lord.

While a mysterious scurrying occurs behind her, she flashes back to her time as a temp with H.C. Clements and the offer she turned down businessman Jival Chowdry. The moment of decision for her entire future was sitting at an intersection with her mother. She turned left…

…but what if she had turned right?

A large insect latches on to her back and the fortuneteller convinces her to turn right. She does.

The next time we see Donna Noble, she’s at a Christmas party celebrating her recent promotion with a round of drinks for her friends. One of her friends, Alice, almost sees the creature on her back, but they’re interrupted by the arrival of the Racnoss Webstar. The invading spacecraft is destroyed by UNIT and the Racnoss queen was killed, but the Doctor drowned in the assault. He was unable to regenerate.

Donna walks away by is soon met by none other than Rose Tyler. She came so far but was too late to meet with the Doctor, but she spots the insect on Donna’s back before vanishing into thin air.

Due to the closure of the Thames, Chowdry’s company has been losing money and Donna has been fired. Simultaneously, the Royal Hope Hospital has vanished into the sky. When it returns, there is only one survivor: Medical student Oliver Morgenstern. He was saved by Martha Jones, but she died as a result. Sarah Jane Smith and the Bannerman Road Gang were there as well, but they died while trying to stop the incursion. Wilfred is convinced that aliens are to blame, but Donna wants to hear none of it.

Donna takes a walk and finds Rose again as she emerges from loud flashes of light. The insect comes up again before Rose asks her about Christmas plans. She suggests that Donna and her family take a holiday, using the winnings from a future raffle ticket to afford it. Donna warns her to stay away and Rose vanishes again.

Sure enough, next Christmas, Donna’s family travel to the countryside. On Christmas Day, they watch as the Titanic smashes into Buckingham Palace. As a mushroom cloud rises over London – and Donna nearly spots the insect in a mirror – the terror and shock set in as they realize that everyone they know is dead.

Now refugees, her family is forced to relocate to Leeds to escape the radiation. Meanwhile, France has closed its borders to refugees, but the Nobles are allocated a house with two other families. The United States offers monetary assistance, but they are forced to withdraw their support when sixty million Americans are killed and converted to Adipose. Every major world city is affected as well.

The Nobles bond with their housemates, but they’re interrupted by soldiers firing at cars. The Sontarans have activated the ATMOS system and covered the planet in a poisonous fog. One of the soldiers spots the insect and takes aim at Donna, but he can’t find it later. Donna follows the flashing lights to find Rose in a nearby alley.

The two companions sit on a bench and talk about the crisis. The sky lights up as the gas burns away, courtesy of Torchwood Three. Gwen and Ianto died in the attempt, and Jack was taken to the Sontaran homeworld. Rose talks about the Doctor, how he saved the world from all of these events, and how Donna traveled with him in another reality. Had she been there to save him from himself under the Thames, the world would be in a better place. Rose has come to warn the Doctor of a darkness that threatens both of their universes, calling Donna the most important woman in the whole of creation.

Rose asks her to come along, finally settling on a time three weeks from now. She vanishes with an ominous prophecy: Donna Noble will die.

The Nobles bid farewell to their Italian housemates, courtesy of a new law that evicts all immigrants from England. They’re going to labor camps, which Wilf recognizes as the first step to fascism that he fought against before. Later that night, Wilf and Donna relax by the fire as he looks through his telescope. While trying to find Orion, the stars vanish from the night sky. Donna finds Rose and tells her that she is ready.

They hitch a ride with UNIT to a warehouse filled with computers, mirrors, and the TARDIS. The police box was salvaged from the Thames wreckage, and when Donna goes in, she finds it cold and dark even though she’s amazed. The ship is dying but still trying to muster the energy to help.

Using that energy, Rose is able to show Donna the insect with a circle of mirrors. The beetle feeds off time, specifically from decisions not made. By turning right instead of left, Donna has given the beetle a temporal smorgasbord. Rose recognizes that both the Doctor and Donna are necessary to stop the stars from going out. Scared out her mind, Donna asks what she can do to help.

Rose tells her that Donna needs to travel through time.

After a quick briefing, Donna steps back into the mirror circle – which is actually a homemade time machine – with the intent of changing her car’s direction. The machine is activated, but Donna has the revelation that she still has to die to save the world.

She materializes on a sidewalk in Sutton Court, half a mile and three minutes from her destiny. She starts running but soon realizes that she won’t make it in time. With the revelation echoing in her mind, she understands what she has to do.

She steps out in front of a truck, sacrificing her life to cause a traffic jam. As Donna dies, Rose whispers two words in her ear as a message for the Doctor, and Donna Noble turns left.

The insect falls off as the reset button is pushed. The Doctor comes in as the fortuneteller runs off, and Donna wraps him in a hug. They examine the insect as they talk about Donna’s adventure and her knack for finding parallel worlds. The Doctor wonders about the coincidences in their travels together, and when he calls her brilliant, Donna remembers Rose.

Except she never knew Rose’s name.

But she does know two words: Bad Wolf.

The Doctor rushes back to the TARDIS, seeing “Bad Wolf” everywhere. Inside, the console room is bathed in red light and the Cloister Bell is ringing.

The end of the universe is coming.

  This “what if” story is a great dark tale that is really just a setup for the season finale. We get the greatest hits of the Tenth Doctor’s saves of Earth without seeing much of David Tennant at all. He was filming Midnight while Catherine Tate was engaged on this “Doctor-lite” adventure, one in a similar vein to Love & Monsters and Blink, but with a much darker direction.

It’s also a tease for the all-star cavalcade to come with nice touches for each mention: Martha’s theme and a pop of the Torchwood theme accompany their non-appearances, and the news report surrounding Sarah Jane’s heroic death mentions her employment with the Metropolitan, which is where she mentioned working to the Third Doctor in Planet of the Spiders. Rose obviously gets her theme throughout.

Catherine Tate sells this story, from Donna’s depression as the planet falls apart around her to her abject terror when she finally sees the time beetle on her back, which finally pays off the prophecy from The Fires of Pompeii. Her acting skill is just amazing and is showcased by not being overshadowed by or in competition with Tennant’s energy.

  Rating: 4/5 – “Would you care for a jelly baby?”

    UP NEXT – Doctor Who: The Stolen Earth and Doctor Who: Journey’s End

    The Timestamps Project is an adventure through the televised universe of Doctor Who, story by story, from the beginning of the franchise. For more reviews like this one, please visit the project’s page at Creative Criticality.

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Mixtery boxes are basically loot boxes, aren't they?

...

Get the fuck out of my house and never come back.

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Are there any creatures that will dwell in a gingerbread house if it has not been blessed in some way?

Oh god there are. Like, the Crumbhags especially.

You know that whole story about the witch in the gingerbread house? Well, the tiny gingerbread houses you humans build get tiny witches. Nobody really knows if they come from what happens when a fey hag dies and little hag-spawn-things crawl out of the corpse or if it just another subspecies, but they’re bad.

And worse still, they make the things around them into proxies, little asshole candy minions. Cockroaches into black licquoriche bugs, flies into peppermints, nutcrackers into chocolate soldiers. Hell, there’s been a few making bird legs out of turkey meat for their gingerbread home to walk around Baba Yaga-style.

Far as I can tell they only exist to make shit miserable for everyone during the holidays, though personally I suspect what they really wanna do is eat kids, turn ‘em into candy and all that jazz. They’re just pretty shitty at it, because, you know, tiny.

Best way to get rid of ‘em? Salt. Not even blessed salt, just the regular kind, enough to ruin however much gingerbread batter was used to make the house. Scares ‘em right off, if you end up stuck with ‘em.

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WHYYYYYYY WEREN'T YOU AT ELF PRACTICE?

Because they don’t let me in there anymore, not after the “Free Cider” incident. And the “Halloween Raid” incident. And the “Beat The Shit Out Of The Koch Brothers” incident. And several other incidents I can’t really remember...

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Are any feral subspecies of feral red-nosed reindeer?

Look, I’ll let you in on a little secret: They’re all kinda “feral” except the one. I say “feral” because IDK if they were ever tame.

Antarctica don’t have a monopoly on eldritch nightmare-thingies, and these’re some of them, covered in this weird moving bioluminescence, like big ol glowy energy balls on top of a bunch of knobbly legs. I have no idea if they’re even flesh, they just pulse in and out like one o those overpriced plasma balls

Apparently they’re cross-fertile with reindeer, which fucks me right the fuck up because they don’t look like a sour shit like reindeer, but whatevs. Sure can pierce through space n time like ‘em, at least from the big guy.

Fun fact tho: Rudolph ain’t his/her/their real name. Oh sure, it’s the one they have trademarked and copyrighted, but it ain’t the actual name. Because the actual name is the real eighth word ya can’t say on TV.

TBH, this all smacks of Aforgomon, but I ain’t pryin. Dude’s mostly harmless unless you start pryin’. Tho, if you wanna hear about mythos shit here, there’s always the Mouldygargon Yeti...

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Ey Krampus, what's the word on Zwarte Piet?

Okay, first of all, everything you know about him? Total bullshit, especially that racist-ass costume.

Y’see, everybody’s got a dark side, even somebody as jolly and as good n kid as the big guy. So, inevitably, he decided to take it out, not so much to get rid of it, as he ain’t that dumb, but rather to deal with it easier. And, that’s how we got Dark Pete.

You know you’ve done some serious shit when Santa sends out Dark Pete, it’s like the goddamn Holly Jolly nuclear option, we’ve only used him a few times and regretted it only once. And guess who has to drag him out from the goddamn nightmare-place we keep him until then, go on, guess!

Best way I can describe him is a black hole vaguely shaped like some fucked up effigy of The Big Guy made from absolute and pure nothing, colder than cold to the point where you can feel your soul chilling in your skin, and the icy, cold disappointment in that eyeless stare...

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Hey krampus, what are they names of those nasty little dwarfs that dwell in your wood stove called? I've got a whole bunch of them holed up in by stove, and their singing is getting pretty obnoxious.

...Who the fuck uses a wood stove in this day and age? Anyway, they’re Coletooths, they eat coal, dance on fire, set fires, and sing horrible jolly songs.

They’re endangered, so I’m legally required by the Big Guy to tell ya to send ‘em our way. I’d personally just eat the little punks, but hey, not my call...

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Does Dio count as a christmas monster if he wears elf shoes

Nah, tho we do have somethin close to those buff Aztec male-stripper Pillar Men thingies, the Pole Stars, stuck underneath the ice. You don’t wanna know the fucked up bio-shit they do. They even got their own equivalent to the Stone Mask, the Kandykane Helm, tho I’ll be buggered like a hedgehog before  Itell you where that is.

And yeah, I’ll be winding this installment o this series to a close over today. Merry Christmas ya goddamn filthy animals, and maybe I’ll get that bastard in the White House next year!

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Are there monsters for the various sorts of dense Yuletide breads, such as fruitcake, plum pudding, Yule logs, etc.?

Yeah, but it’s less pleasant than you’d think. Like, ever heard of Tio De Nadal, the Christmas Log that craps candy?

Well, there’s the Loafers, kinda related to it, in the same way you humans’re related to monkeys or chickens are related to dinosaurs. We have no goddamn idea if it’s a living fossil of its form or some fucked-up de-evolution caused by getting stuck in; say; some creepy noble’s castle that he wanted to make a perpetual Christmas (Which I have some theories on, but I digress)

They’re good cooked, but they’re vicious and they come in swarms. They’re slow as molasses, but they’ll put you right the fuck to sleep before you realize it with some kind o bread powers.

Best thing you can hope for is to get the jump on ‘em, or always have a buddy. They tend to only focus on one at a time, cause they’re dumb as hell...

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Hey, I just saw a bunch of nutcrackers walking about the house. What should I do?

Well, shit. That’s bad. Not because of the nutcrackers, they’re usually pretty harmless, but the fact is, this shit means the Murinae Court is active again.

I heard the Mouse Princess wanted an army made out of cursed Nutcrackers like her family used to turn people into, actually mindslaving the damn things instead of just makin’ em fucked up wood peoples, but holy fuck I didn’t know she’d got started this soon.

Best advice I can give: Find a blessed toy or action figure to rally ‘em out of it, the Nutcrackers’ll know what to do when they’re “awake.” Most likely candidates are usually old Transformers for some reason, so look ‘em up on Ebay, there’s usually at least some overlap behind the “magic items” side and the action figures side...

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What's a Christmas tree with legs called?

An Ent. But no, seriously, there are those evergreens that walk around, called Needlebeards, and they do guard the trees from overharvesting. They don’t mind if ya take a few, as long as the forest keeps going on. And, like you humans always do, people try to kill ‘em to get at all the trees, put ‘em up as Christmas Tree trophies.

Those people usually wind up the fuck dead, because they come back as Evergreeds. Think giant plant-y Christmas Wraiths or that one decapitated deer thing from that one cartoon movie and you’ll get an idea. Hey, at least saves me a lot o work on those fuckers...