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joshfutturman · 9 months ago

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"good boy" 18+

oneshot (request) - inexperienced virgin failure josh futturman asks the reader over for some 'video games' (4.4k words) pairing - josh futturman (future man) + reader (no gendered pronouns, reader is afab) tags: utter filth lol, porn with tiny plot, dom/sub, dom!reader, sub!josh, LOTS of good boy mentions, oral both receiving, penetration, kissing, no use of y/n, missionary, slight dumbification ig, lots of wet mentions lmao, orgasm control, probs more i cant remember rn

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

the janitor from work was cute in a nerdy, adorable yet super naive way. in passing he'd attempt to flirt with you at your reception desk, attempt being the keyword here. but you'd flirt back, stronger and harder - which most of the time simply flew over his dense little head.

"i'd love to see it sometime," you say enthusiastically, referring to his video game collection he'd rambled about for 10 minutes straight. again.

his face lights up and a smile tugs on the corner of his lips, "yeah? really? you should totally come over - i've been dying to play this new one i picked up on co-op. - i mean," he falters, "if you want to. . ."

oh my god. was he asking you over? finally? josh futturman asked you over to play video games in his bedroom. alone. score.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

notes: this was requested by @fatinhadesiners06 hehe, i hope you like it! tried to make josh as much of a virgin failure as i could but turns out that he's pretty good at eating pussy ig ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) officially the first smut ive written and finished

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

"i'd love to see it sometime," you say enthusiastically, referring to his video game collection he'd rambled about for 10 minutes straight. again.

oh my god. was he asking you over? finally? josh futturman asked you over to play video games in his bedroom. alone. score.

. . .

however, that's exactly what you do. you play video games together. on his cramped single bed.

it's not like you don't enjoy it, it's actually pretty sweet. he allows you to choose your character first, he guides you through the levels he knows off by heart, and he even offers you his favourite controller.

but you can't help but note the uncomfortable silence that lingers every so often. you notice him glancing at you in between games. you wonder what he's thinking about, is he thinking about how his hand would feel inside your underwear? how his fingers would get slick and glide over your folds and slip beneath the surface and - ...

well, you certainly know what you're thinking of.

high scores flash on the screen at the end of the level, yours and his. yours is a few hundred points higher to josh' surprise. this earns a loud laugh from you and a laugh from him, tossing his controller down in defeat.

"beat you at your own game." you tut and turn to him with a smirk.

josh grins and looks down at his lap with a shrug, "what can i say? you're pretty good at this."

scooting a little closer, you tilt your head, trying to catch his gaze again. "do you think so? or. . . do you just like it when i come out on top?" a hum sings from your lips.

his eyes widen and he looks at you with an arched eyebrow, finally catching on to at least one of your dirty jokes, or at least partially. it was about time. "it was only a two-hundred point difference." he says, glancing at your lips with an unsure smirk, "i'll dominate next time, for sure."

"who are you kidding, futturman." you whisper, leaning in towards his lips. "i was always going to be the one to dominate you."

you're both inches apart. you can hear how his breath hitches in his throat slightly with each inhale. shaking, his hand raises in an attempt to cup your cheek. but you reach up to grab it, lacing your fingers in his as your lips connect.

immediately, futturman melts into you. you swear you hear a whimper escape his lips as your tongue glides along his bottom lip, seeking entrance. he allows you in, squeezing your hand. he's sloppy, but you don't mind, you like it, actually. it's hot that he's so lost in it that he can't even control his tongue.

his other hand grips the bedsheets, knuckles turning white. he's trying to ignore how his cock is already twitching in his boxers, wondering if you're already wet. josh sighs your name into your lips and you take this as a sign.

your hand finds his crotch as your kiss intensifies and you begin to palm his hardened dick through his jeans, grinning. his mind goes blank and all he can focus on is the fact that your hand is on him, it's actually on him. this isn't just in his head. you're touching him and - fuck, it feels so good.

"you like that baby?" you ask him, his kissing growing sloppier and slower as his breath picks up. you're hardly touching him and he's already squirming under you. hot.

josh hums in response and you find his hand, bringing it to your skirt, slowly sliding it under to meet your growing heat. his fingers feel wetness through the material of your underwear and he swallows hard. gingerly, his fingers dance across your panties.

a giggle slips from your lips as you pull back slightly, ". . . is this your first time?" you ask with a smile.

he's taken aback by this question, suddenly embarrassed as his cheeks begin to flush. "i . . ."

"it's okay, i'll take care of you," you reassure him, giving him a gentle kiss on the lips, "don't worry."

it's time for you to take the lead and you remove your hand from his crotch, this earns a soft whine from him that causes you to bite your lip. placing a hand on his chest, you push him back slowly until he's flat on his back. carefully, you straddle him, sitting just below his waist.

your fingers find the button on his jeans and unbutton it at an excruciatingly slow pace. josh looks up at you with pleading eyes, panting softly as his tummy rises and falls with each breath. "are you. . ."

"i want to taste you." you admit, licking your lips as you unzip him, pulling his jeans down to reveal his boxers.

"f. . . fuck. . ." he whimpers, leaning up on his elbows to watch you.

the outline of his cock is clearly visible through his blue boxers, he's so hard already, it's adorable. josh' heart pounds as he eyes you, his dick springs free and he gasps at the cold air around it. he holds himself back from begging you to touch it in some way. you'd be lying if you said you weren't a little surprised by the girth, it makes your mouth water.

your warm hand wraps around him and his eyes glaze over, head tilting back. he swears he could cum right there just from your touch and if he looks at you again, he just might.

"look at me, baby." you whisper, beginning to pump him slowly. "i wanna see your face while i touch you."

josh pulls his head up, brows furrowing as he tries to slow his breathing. the strokes are slow and deliberate, he moans under his breath. watching him slowly come undone underneath you, you can't help but feel the pulsing of your wet cunt intensify.

lowering your head, his eyes begin to widen and before he can figure out something hot to say, your lips are on his cock. tongue swirling on the tip, he swears he's seeing stars. his trembling hand desperately reaches up to find the back of your head, lacing his fingers through your locks.

"holy fuck, that. . . that feels so good." he mumbles with a gasp as you begin to take his length into your mouth. a high-pitched whimper escapes him as he bucks slightly. you keep your eyes on him the full time, taking in as much of him as you can until he hits the back of your throat.

picking up pace now, you start bobbing on him, lapping your tongue all the while. josh is curling his toes, gripping your hair and whispering your name into his bedroom like he's trying his best to tell a secret. he wonders how he got so lucky, the way he'd fantasised about this constantly and for it to actually be happening? it was his lucky day.

he'd imagined you both at the lab, in the back room, he's bent you over and you're dripping wet. he slides in with ease and you call his name a little too loudly. or, behind reception, he would crawl beneath your desk and you'd spread your legs and he'd dive in like a man starved. or sometimes, you were in this very bed, your juices coating his sheets.

you swirl your tongue on the tip once more, causing him to let out a loud, pleading moan before pulling away with an obscene pop. this allows him to catch his breath slightly, but man - he was so close. it takes everything within him not to beg you to put those pretty lips of your back around his aching cock.

glancing over your shoulder, your eyes find his gaming chair and you grin. you wonder how many times he's jerked off in that overused thing, thinking of you. pumping his cock, wishing it was coated with your wetness instead of some cheap lube. calling your name into the palm of his hand as ropes of hot cum land on his soft tummy.

it drives you crazy just thinking about it.

and you need him, more of him.

you shuffle off the bed and walk towards the chair before sitting in it, facing him on the bed. legs spreading, you relax them over his armrests, exposing your underwear beneath your skirt. josh watches on, mouth agape, blinking.

"c'mon baby, don't you wanna taste me too?" you ask and his eyes sparkle. you've never seen him move so fast - he scrambles from the bed, boxers and jeans around his ankles. kneeling like he's about to pray for you, (and maybe he should, with the sinful images plaguing both of your thoughts), he looks up at you with that same puppy dog look.

"please," you whisper, exhaling, "i need you, josh."

he bites his lip at those words and has to actively try and suppress a moan. hearing you plead like that. . . fuck, you were so hot.

slowly easing closer, josh hooks two fingers into your underwear and pushes it to the side. your cheeks flush as your wetness is exposed to him, but you can see by the look on his face that he's elated.

"your pussy is so fucking pretty. . ." he exhales, gradually getting closer before his tongue begins desperately lapping at your dripping cunt. a squeal escapes you as you arch your back, finally getting the relief you need. his licking is messy, it's wet, he's drooling and mixing his saliva with your juices but it's so filthy it's hot.

your gaze finds his and watch as his nose glides up your folds. his name falls from your lips repeatedly as you reach for his head, getting a firm grip on those messy curls. you guide him higher with your grasp and his tongue finds your clit finally. it's so sensitive, you'd been edging for days leading up to this.

"s. . . slow." you purr, "i'm. . . i'm gonna- fuck, i'm gonna cum if you keep going so fast."

he abides, slowing his tongue on that spot you enjoy so much. his hand presses into your thigh, pushing your leg out further to get in closer. wetness drips down his chin as he laps long licks, stopping briefly and hesitantly only to begin sucking your clit gently. he looks up at you for your approval.

a gasp and your head is thrown back, fingers in his hair tightening. there's pleasure building in your core, little sparks working inside your belly as josh obediently eats you out.

"good boy," you manage to say through breathy moans, "good boy. . . you're doing so good for- for your first time. . ."

and it was true - though he was sloppy, clumsy and got a little lost in the moment, that only served to turn you on more. his inexperienced moves were endearing, they were hot, and it felt kinda good that you were the one to finally experience this with him.

small moans sing from his mouth at the pet name 'good boy' - and you make a mental note to call him that more often. this urges him on. he moves his hand to your pussy, massaging with two fingers around your tight hole, fluttering at the sudden contact. it takes him a few circles to find it properly before sliding one inside.

the chair almost tips back as you feel him slide in, his tongue back to flicking over that sensitive spot while his digit pumps into you. your hand grips the back of the fake leather chair, digging your nails in. it's not long before he inserts a second one, and though his rhythm is off with his poor coordination, it's such a relief to be filled, even if only a little.

hand combing through his hair, you look down at him, encouraging him with every moan. wet sounds fill the small bedroom now, between his tongue on your clit and his fingers exploring your slick hole. his dick is aching to be touched, desperate for any sort of friction as it spasms occasionally under the chair - but he'd stay here forever, eating you like this, if it meant he could hear those sounds sing from your lips.

"you sound so fucking hot. . ." he mumbles, the low vibrations of his voice against your pussy, sucking harder to increase your pitch and it works. you're almost there and you'll cum all over his sweet little face soon if you're not careful. who knew that josh futturman could be so good at eating pussy?

"-n. . . need you to fuck me," you blurt out, completely breathless. josh pulls back a little to look up at you fully with wide eyes, excitement piquing. the dim light from the television dances across him and you notice the lower half of his face is completely coated in your juices.

you continue, "you need to fuck me too, i bet. you're aching, aren't you? i bet you've been thinking about this for years." - and he had, fuck, he had. he'd lost count of the number of times he'd imagined you both here, a writhing, moaning, wet mess against each other.

"please, please let me fuck you." josh begged, fitting that he was on his knees. he looked good down there, you thought, pleading with his hands grasped together and that pathetic, lovable, pussy drunk expression of his as your wetness drips from his chin.

staying there for a few moments to admire him in this position, and to hear him beg just a little longer - you finally stand and step over him deliberately to watch him underneath you for just a little longer. wriggling out of your soaked panties, you throw them towards him and collapse back onto the single bed whilst removing your skirt. surprisingly, he catches your underwear and relishes how wet they feel in his palm.

you spread your legs once more for him and he watches in awe like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. wiping his chin a little, he scampers to you like a lost puppy, crawling up onto the bed and kicking his jeans and boxers off in the process.

he slots between your thighs and you see how his jaw goes slack when his dick brushes against your dripping cunt. you grab his chin, still a little wet, and pull him in for a deep kiss. when his tongue enters your mouth, you can taste yourself and it makes you smile. letting go of his chin, your hands roam to his hoodie, yanking it off and tossing it to the side. the only barrier between you both now was your damn shirts.

pushing him back, you begin to slowly pull your shirt up revealing your bra. josh bites his lower lip, swallowing hard as his eyes roam across your chest. his hands inch closer and you slap them away. "your shirt first." you tease.

he holds back a whine and removes his shirt, throwing it far across the room in frustration. "now, can i?" he hums, glancing at your chest and then back to you.

you wait a few moments, then a few more. and then nod.

your shirt isn't even fully off when his hands are desperately roaming your chest, squeezing both breasts as you gasp. his eyes glaze over as he continues to squeeze and you feel his dick twitch once more against your pussy. you begin to grind against him, his saliva and your wetness mixing against his cock.

holding back some moans, josh slips his hands behind your back to unhook your bra. it takes him a little longer than he'd have liked, and you arch your back a little to help him - but he finally removes it to reveal your chest.

between your perfect fucking body below him and the way you were slowly working his desperate cock along your pussy lips - he was in heaven. immediately he's sucking on a nipple, flicking his tongue over it with soft, breathy moans. you moan in return and cup the back of his head, petting him softly - "good boy," you whisper, "good, good boy. . ."

fuck, he loved it when you called him that. it lit a fire in his belly like he'd chase you to the ends of the earth just to hear you call him a good boy one more time.

he moves to your other nipple now, giving them both equal attention and you squirm a little, gripping his hair. the cold air drifts across your erect, soaked nipple he'd left behind but the coldness is quickly replaced by his fingers, rubbing.

"your tits are fuckin' perfect-" he mumbles with his nipple still in your mouth, pulling himself away finally as he begins to move in rhythm with you.

"josh." you say, commanding his attention with a sultry tone.

he snaps out of his dizzy state and looks at you.

"fuck me," you demand, reaching down to push his cock harder against your drenched cunt, "i need you inside of me. can you do that? can you be my good boy and fuck me?"

jesus fucking christ. josh wasn't sure he'd ever been this hard in his life.

josh nods with a whimper, it's so cute. he's so desperate. just as he begins to move into position, you reach up to grab his chin.

"use your words." you instruct him.

those hazel eyes widen, taking a breath to compose himself before nodding, "i'll fuck you. i'll be your good boy and fuck you." his voice wavers. he wants to be so good for you. he wants to be your good boy so badly, "please? please." josh pleads whinily.

"good boy." you grin and let go of his chin, trailing your hands down his chest and his soft tummy, taking great pleasure in grazing your fingers past his fuzzy snail trail.

lining himself up with your entrance, he makes a few sweeps with his cock, lubing it up and enjoying the feeling of your hole sucking his length in. his eyes glance to you for permission one final time and this makes your stomach flip, he's too fucking cute.

you signal, giving him permission with a nod and he slowly pushes inside of you.

he's slow, purposefully, so that one thrust doesn't cause him to immediately explode inside of you - cause the way you'd worked him up, it wouldn't be long before his cum was stuffed deep in there. your walls wrap around him so perfectly, his words get caught in his throat and all he can do is whine. but it feels so fucking good to finally have him inside of you. his thick fingers pumping into you were fine, sure, but his cock is what you craved all along.

your stomach tenses as he fills you completely, eyes locked on his to see him fully experience this for the first time.

"does that feel good, baby?" you ask him, trailing your hand across his lower stomach.

"s. . .so fuckin' tight- ah-" still, he can hardly speak, bottomed out inside of you with his cock pulsing, "so wet, so so fucking wet."

"just for you." you coo, beginning to roll your hips slightly to help him along. this earns a loud gasp from him, positioning his hands on your hips to get a proper grip on you. slowly, you both find a rhythm and he's thrusting inside of you at a slow pace.

each thrust has you moaning as you roll your hips to meet him, his strong grip on your hips only intensifying the feeling as he gets lost in the sensation. already, you can tell he's close - having almost finished him off earlier definitely adding to his desperation.

"faster," you tell him, gripping his stupid blue patterned sheets and holding one of his wrists in your other hand.

a whimper - no two - no three, falls from his lips as he picks up pace. josh is slamming into you now, his hands glide up the side of your body to meet your tits again and he leans over, unable to keep himself upright through the thrusts. his lips find yours once more, half to muffle his moans and half to ground himself a little.

over and over, his cock pumps into you speedily, creating loud, wet, slapping noises. you wrap your legs around him to pull him in deeper, closer and arch your back.

"-g...gonna. . . i'm. . ." his words are muffled by your lips and you pull back slightly, your breath mingling together as his eyes struggle to stay open through the pleasure.

"you gonna cum?" you ask with a grin, pulling his chin up for him to look at you.

"ah - yeah. . ." he swallows, and you squeeze around his dick causing him to whine loudly.

the thought of him exploding inside you had you close too. that girthy length was slamming you, over and over, slick from what he had done to you. josh was totally lost in the pleasure, sweat coating his brow as his hips worked hard to chase your climax and his own.

"can i?" josh suddenly asks, gasping for breath.

you deliberately don't answer, but moan louder and squeeze your cunt around him - you feel his rhythm waver in response.

"fuck - baby, please," he cries, locking eyes with you as his brow furrows, "please, i need to cum, please let me cum."

the words falling from his lips were so fucking hot, he was begging you for release. all he wanted to do was unload inside of you and he was pleading and wet and adorable. how could you possibly say no to that face?

"have you been a good boy?" you ask.

"yes!" he almost screams, "yes! i've been such a good boy, please, please. i need it, i need to cum in your tight, fuckin' perfect - ah, ah. . . - pussy, please." the words trip over themselves and he's really sweating now. the way he's pistoning into you, you can feel the desperation in every thrust of his hard cock.

"then cum, my good boy." you finally say, pushing him into you with your legs around his back for a hard deep thrust - and he keeps this up.

his whines heighten in pitch, going higher and higher as he gets a little rough. with each thrust, you're thrown back a little on the bed and it earns large explosive moans from you each time. his hands are back on your hips and he digs his fingers in, leaving harsh red marks.

you don't care though, watching him lose control is the hottest fucking thing you've ever seen. a desperate, whining, whimpering, cumming mess.

josh tries to announce it, let you know he's really about to cum, but all that comes out are breathy moans as his rhythm falters and his eyes start to roll back. you can feel it too, the way his cock is twitching and pulsing harder inside you. it brings your own climax closer, the inevitability of your pussy walls being painted white with all of his cum. . .

and though you try to hold off, you cum. lights flash behind your eyes as you reach out for him, pulling him by the back of the neck down to you. pressing your forehead to his, your hole flutters around him, squeezing and clamping down as your orgasm milks him - causing him to cum. ropes of hot, white cum fill you over and over, his mouth stuck half open.

you continue to grind through the orgasm, albeit with a faltering rhythm due to your climax, as he's mostly still beside the way his dick is jerking as it empties inside of you. his cum begins to leak out of you slowly with each grind you make against him and it causes you to gasp at the sensation. your moans fill his mouth, looking into his eyes as he struggles to make eye contact through the blinding pleasure. praises sing from your lips for him, coaxing him through it as you feel his movements slow to a halt.

he pulls out reluctantly and slumps against you with heaving breaths, his head falling on your chest with his cheek flush against your skin. his body is hot, and sticky. you begin to pet his head gently, your other hand tracing your fingers across his arm around you.

"that. . ." he pipes up, "- was amazing," josh tilts his head to look up at you with a dumb smile on his face.

"yeah?" you answer, smirking, "it was pretty fucking amazing, wasn't it?"

and you admire him like this, the way he's looking up at you with that familiar smile, practically with hearts in his eyes as your fingers pet through his hair. his eyes are sleepy, half-lidded - and the rest is deserved too, after what a good, hard-working boy he's been.

"you were so good for me." you lean down to kiss his forehead, peppering soft kisses all across it.

he giggles and snuggles against you closer, "stop - you'll get me goin' again." if his cheeks weren't already flushed from exertion, they'd be red once more.

"right, i'll save the praise for next time - since i know you love it so much." a grin tugs on your lips.

and he likes the sound of that.

his head suddenly springs up, his smile growing wider with his mouth half open, joy filling his face. ". . .next time?"

863 notes · View notes

kasagia · 10 months ago

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Lovers to strangers

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x fem!Lantsov princess! reader Summary: The worst thing that can happen is to go from a passionate, ardent feeling to cold indifference. Turning the people you held dearest into strangers. But could YOUR Aleksander ever be a stranger to you again? You have to choose what is more important to you. Ravka and the crown that is rightfully yours, or the man who trampled on your naive, young heart. The choice should be simple... right? Word Count: 8.9k Inspired by: Chance Peña - Lovers to strangers Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist

The evenings at the Little Palace were your favourites.

Especially since, from the window of Aleksander's chambers, you had no view of the Grand Palace—your golden cage.

Princess of Ravka. A prisoner in her own country. Well... at least there was one place in the capital where you didn't feel like you were locked in.

Or rather, a bed...

"I can hear your toughts…" the man cuddling up to you mumbles into your collarbone. You can't help but giggle at the feeling of his soft lips brushing against your skin. The feeling of his rough beard gives you pleasant shivers.

"I thought Grisha couldn't read in minds… unless you have another special ability of which I don't know, my general." you say teasingly, stroking his hair.

You can't help but touch this dangerous man. Something has drawn you to him since the first day you came back to Os Alta after Nikolai's disappearance. And as you managed to get a taste of this incredible man, you wanted more and more.

"I have many things that you don't know yet, moya tsarevna. I am a danger. I will break your heart if you trust me so blindly."

"Saints, I love when you speak old Ravkan." you say, leaning in to kiss him again. "Besides, you can't break something that doesn't exist."

It doesn't take long for him to kiss you back. His hand is immediately on your check as he pushes you back on the pillows. He hoovers above you, his lips (far from being gently) moving against yours as his tongue is slipping into your mouth like a snake. He conquers you in every sense of the word.

"Aleksander..." you moan, brushing against him.

"Your grace." he says teasingly, and then completely moves away from you. You look at him furious and offended as the frustration grows inside you. "My little brat. She always has to have what she wants, right?"

"You should know better than to challenge me. I am the heir to the throne, your princess."

"If I remember correctly, you have two older brothers." he points out, placing soft kisses on your collarbone. His beard tickles gently, only further amplifying the fluttering butterflies in your stomach.

"If I remember correctly, I have a general of the Second Army as my secret lover. The Darkling. With your shadows by my side and our combined intelligence and manipulation skills? We are unstoppable."

"Who said I wouldn't betray you? That I wouldn't make myself tsar and take you as my concubine or mistress?" he asks darkly, smiling slyly at you. His pearly teeth gleam menacingly, only making you laugh.

"You won't. You love me too much… Besides…" you lean closer to him and put the dagger to his throat. He laughs a little as he notices that it is the weapon that he had hidden under his pillow. "I'm much more than just a pretty face and royal blood. If you betray me, nothing will stop me from making you my enemy. It works both ways, Aleksander. If you hurt me, I will hurt you back. I won't sit and cry over my fate. I am creating my legacy and future. Not any men."

"I see." he grabs you by your hips and pushes on the headboard of the bed. You moan as he takes the dagger from you and puts it on your throat. "But don't you think this is better? You under me, trembling with desire." he whispers seductively into your ear. And you almost surrender to his touch and the seductive tone of his voice. Almost...

"You don't want an obedient toy. You want an equal. Only I can be one." you say confidently as you two stare into each other's eyes. You both breathe fast and heavily. You reach your hand towards his and put it on the tip of the dagger. "You wouldn't drag me to your bed if you didn't see it. You despise my family, just as I do, and Ravkans, but here you are: in bed with the princess of Ravka. And we both know that is not all about power, connections, or being part of a greater plan, is it?"

He looks at you deeply, watching your every little reaction as he leans towards you. His shadows play around; a few of them are climbing onto the bed and gently brushing against you two. You tremble with pleasure as you feel them on your hot skin. You moan, pressing yourself against him. You feel the coldness of the metal against your skin, and a little drop of blood slowly falls down on your chest.

He throws the dagger away and uses his tongue to lick the trace of blood on your skin. He sucks up the little wound he made a few seconds ago. You see the shadows getting around you as he loses himself in you.

"You're mine, Aleksander." you whisper into his ear. "And we are all we need anyway. Only I am able to see and embrace the darkness within you." you feel his moan at your words before you hear it. You tremble at his reaction.

"You will regret that, Y/N." he warns, or rather anticipates. You see the sincerity and concern in his eyes as they talk about how you will inevitably abandon him.

"Maybe. But not now." you gasp and pull him to you as you two kiss greedily. His hand goes to your waist, pressing you closer to him. You shiver as you feel the cold metal of his claw ring against your skin. "Sasha..."

"Say it again." he demands. His dark eyes glow against the shadows swirling around you. You lift your hand to caress his cheek softly and tenderly. Your fingertips brush against his chin as you slowly slide your hand down to his neck to trace the hickeys you've already given him.

"Sasha..." you moan as his lips brush against your jaw to tease your neck with their softness and warmth.

"Again." another silent command as the shadows begin to surround you more and more.

"Sasha... moi souveryni... moi ottenok (my shadow)." he silences you with a hard, demanding kiss, tangling his large hand in the back of your head and positioning you to suit his needs as he deepens the kiss, searching for your tongue.

Yes... the darkness of his chambers was definitely your favourite place on earth.

"Are you mad?” you huff, glaring at your elder brother.

You sit in your deceased father's chambers, discussing Ravka's fate in whispers among the nobility. Your eldest brother, Vasily, is chatting with some of the nobles, hoping that he will gain their sympathy as he is going to take the throne after your father. Little did he know that you two had other plans for Ravka.

"What? Do you have a better idea? Mother is going crazy, Vasily wants to play king, and the Grishas are about to start a civil war on us. There's no other way."

"I didn't become a widow just to fawn over some man again. Especially not over him. Besides, isn't he having eyes only on that Sun Summoner of yours?" you ask, nodding towards Alina, who is forced (as Vasily's fiancée) to stand by his side and listen to all the nonsense the nobles say.

"I'm not telling you to marry him... well, at least that's not what plan A is. Just approach him. Find out what he wants and whether he's willing to make arrangements with us. After all, you used to talk often. Especially at night in his chambers."

"Nikolai Lantsov, our father is lying dead in a coffin and you dare to remind me who I visited at night and who I didn't?"

"Please, as if you ever cared about that disgusting pig, who unfortunately for us was our father. Besides, you'd be curious too if I suddenly broke up with the love of my life and let our father sell me into marriage with Shu. Which was very surprising for all of us. You loved Kirigan. I know you did. And he felt the same." you roll your eyes at him, wondering where the bastard got this information since he wasn't in the palace at that time.

"And now I hate him. No. That's too much to say. I don't know him. I don't care about him. He's a stranger for whom I feel absolutely nothing. A traitor to the nation and the crown." you say, not hiding the anger in your voice.

"Don't say that as if we weren't called like that by our countrymen and subjects. But since you don't feel anything towards him, then I guess you won't be offended if I tell you that I solemnly invited him to negotiations regarding a possible settlement and peace?"

"What?! What did you… He agreed?" you ask him, shocked and annoyed that, after dropping such a bomb on you, he doesn't even dare look you in the eyes.

"Yes. As a sign of good will, we exchanged prisoners. I gave him back the Grishas he wanted, except for Genya, of course; it took the three of us a very long time to clear her name and guilt about killing our father. It would be too suspicious if we let her go so... easily." he nodded towards Alina, who was giving you a desperate look and asking for help. She was on the other side of the room with Vasily, who desperately tried to... get closer to her. "Sorry, I have to play hero. I just wanted to let you know that he agreed. He's coming tomorrow, right after the funeral." he says, and he approaches Alina to save her from the company of your brother and the nobility... and in the process, he saves himself from your wrath.

You shift your gaze from him to your hands and nervously start picking at your nails. You haven't seen HIM since you left Ravka to marry the Prince of Shu Han. When he treated you so vilely, putting the Sun Summoner on his pedestal, he forgot about you.

And you promised yourself a long time ago that you wouldn't let anyone neglect, humiliate, or disregard you. Especially to someone who isn't worth it. Who chose to ignore you when he meant the world to you.

That's why you decided to do the same as him and slightly modify your plans. Unfortunately, your husband turned out to be an idiot who did not meet your expectations and would only interfere with your grand plan. It's fortunate that he died.

"My princess." Genya's voice breaks you out of your thoughts. You shift your gaze to the woman in the red kefta. "Can I ask you for a minute of your time?"

"Of course." you say, leaving the room with the redhead. "Any news from David?" you ask as the two of you walk down the hall.

The nobles who pass you throw unfavourable glances at Grisha next to you, but you don't pay them any attention, or if you do, you give them a look that makes them look away from you.

"It's as if… he wrote that they were leaving their hideout and heading towards the palace." she speaks so quietly that only you can hear her.

Many things have changed since the Darkling's small, and fortunately unsuccessful, show of strength. The Grisha divided; most of them followed their general, wanting to finally gain some rights for themselves, and some of them stayed on the side of Alina and the crown.

So you had to return to the country quite quickly and strengthen the contacts with your spies. Your late husband's family was quite reluctant to let you go. Especially his younger brother, who was the only heir to the crown after his death... you could say that you and Niklaus started getting along much better after your husband's death.

Genya was a new addition. You had a pretty close relationship even before hell broke out in Ravka. You trusted her... within reason. And you were grateful to fate that she didn't join Alina. You didn't like the Sun Summoner... and it's very possible that private grudges played a large part in your dislike of her.

"How many of them?" you ask as you enter your office. The guards give you a curt bow and close the door behind you.

"Not enough for him to think about any plans of attack. But you can never be sure. I heard he acquired a new skill. He creates monsters from shadows. The nichevo'ya or something like that."

"He must be stupid to attack the palace now. We'll deal with his new skills later. For now, we need to locate Baghra. Where is she being held? Is she being held at all, and if not, where is she hiding? This old hag is the key to all of this. We can't do anything without her; we know as much as five-year-olds about the fold, amplifiers, and merzost." you say, flipping through the pages on your desk.

"Alina and Mal are working on locating another amplifier. They're scheduled to leave soon."

"Impossible. They're not going anywhere. I will not risk the lives of our only Sun Summoner and Compass to Morozova's amplifiers. The Darkling is heading this way; his men and spies may be anywhere, and recently, the number of Fjerdan provocations on our border has tripled."

"They won't stay locked up here."

"I am aware of this. But they won't move from here in the next two weeks. Our priority is peace with either the Darkling or the Fjerdan. We cannot wage two wars at once—civil and with another country. It's best if there's none, but I guess it is not possible. We have shed too much blood in the fold itself; we need to end this centuries-old conflict and not escalate it, because Ravka won't take any longer what is happening here."

"About that… I doubt that General… Darkling will be willing to compromise." you sigh, knowing full well that she could probably be right.

"Then we'll have to remove him from the picture." you say slowly, wondering if you were really ready for this.

"You mean..."

"I do not know yet." you interrupt her, not quite sure what you're going to do. And even if you knew, you had no intention of revealing such plans to anyone. "It depends on what the situation requires of us. Alina is too young to be a general. She may be a symbol of hope and a new, better future, but she is not fit to lead an entire army. And the Darkling… is unpredictable and out of any control."

"You miss him, don't you?" her question slightly catches you off guard.

You tried your hardest not to think... about him. Or what could have been if things between you went differently. You simply couldn't afford it. You had to be strong for Ravka, your subjects, and your brothers. And thinking about Aleksander certainly wouldn't make your situation any better.

"I… I think I miss the idea of him that I created in my mind. I miss the man I thought I knew. But in the end, he turned out to be like… just like anyone else."

"Like all powerful men." she sums up your statement, staring at the window behind you.

"Exactly." you nod, thinking about what she must have gone through under your father. That's why, whoever would take the throne, you promised yourself that you would make sure that there would be a whole new era for Ravka. "Genya." you call after her before she leaves your office.

"Yes, my princess?"

"Make sure you make time for David. After this hell… you two deserve the best." you give her a small smile before sending her away. You sigh, rubbing your hand over your forehead. There were so many things to plan and very little time.

But you can't help but think about Aleksander. There were rumours that the fold had destroyed it. That he had become crazy, ruthless, and devoid of any empathy or conscience.

Your hands involuntarily move to the cabinet and open it. You take the bracelet he gave you into your hands. Now you know that it had a special, rare piece of metal in it that allowed Durast to locate you from miles away—an ability Darkling must have used many times in the past. You made sure it was deleted, but... sentiment didn't let you throw it away. You don't know why. Or at least you don't want to admit to yourself this little weakness from the past.

"Why do you want to rule Ravka?" you frown at his question. You open your eyes and turn to the side to look at his face.

You took a little trip outside the palace. You were lying in a clearing in the forest on a picnic blanket. Your head was resting on Aleksander's stomach. One of his hands was lazily running through your hair, and the other was playing with your own hand.

"Why not? I would look nice on stamps and coins." you laugh carelessly, playing with his fingers.

"Answer the question." he says seriously, sitting up. Your head rests on his lap as he leans over you and looks at you with those piercing eyes of his, analysing your every little reaction.

"I don't want Ravka to look like it does now. Vasily is... like our father, conservative, without any new ideas, wanting to continue repeating established patterns. And Nikolai... is too controversial. He has revolutionary views, and the rule of both will end in a civil war. I don't want us to shed any more blood. Grisha and Ravkan... we are one. We are the same. Only you live a little longer and have additional benefits from your powers, but... it doesn't change the fact that we are born and die the same way. We believe in the same thing, and we want the same thing."

"Which is?" he asks, whispering, his dark eyes trained on you the entire time.

"Peace." you say, leaning back into him and closing your eyes. Sunlight filters through the treetops, illuminating your face. You sigh, wrapped in the warmth of your beloved Aleksander's arms and his scent. "Love." you add, opening your eyes and giving him a small, uncertain smile.

"You want to be loved?" he asks, disbelieving that someone like you, the daughter of the Lantsov family, could only want something so... simple. You always talked about taking power with ambition and fire in your eyes. He never thought that you didn't want it out of pure greed, but simply out of a desire to make Ravka better. Just like him.

"Everyone wants it. Even you, my mighty and scary shadow summoner." you snap him out of his thoughts by lifting your hand and caressing his bearded cheek. "And trust me when I say that I can give you all of the love of this world that you need."

"You don't know everything about me." he denies, knowing full well that you would run away from him, terrified, and that all your love for him would evaporate the moment you found out he was the Black Heret.

"You don't know everything about me either, sweetheart. I see your darkness. I see your struggles. You won't scare me away. You cannot. No amount of your shadows and the darkness of the past will do that." you promise, and he looks at you in shock. You push yourself up on your elbows and kiss him sweetly and lazily.

You act as if you have all the time in the world, and the only thing that matters is the two of you. And he allows himself to lose himself for a moment in this little fantasy you created with him in a forgotten clearing near the fountain dedicated to the Starless Saint.

"Eya fyela chi, moya tsarevna. For as long as I breathe. We shall rule together. Side by side." he whispers against your lips, and he's no longer sure who he's trying to fool. You or himself.

"I want nothing more, Aleksander." you reply, straddling him and cupping his neck as you pull him in for another kiss.

And he realises a very sad and bitter truth. That never before, in anyone else's arms, under anyone else's touches, kisses, and whispers of love and adoration, had he felt so happy and at peace as he did with you.

"Wow. Did Genya help you?" you snort at your brother's reaction as you enter the council room.

"What? Can't I dress nicely myself?" you mock him gently, laughing. You could slightly improve your appearance with the help of your favourite Grisha. After all, you had to show yourself to your ex somehow. And you were going to make sure the bastard would squirm, upset and mad that he wasn't with you anymore.

"Yes, you can, but you usually don't. Is this for a certain dark rebel general?" he teases with you, at which you roll your eyes.

"NO. And I wish you wouldn't insinuate such things. I'm not saying you're dressing up for the Sun Summoner or for that squaller of hers who's arguing with her all the time. Exactly! Who are you ultimately in love with? I haven't been able to keep up with the updates lately. You know. Saving my country from the fire of rebellion, and so on."

"You know what... I was going to wait here with you to spare you a one-on-one confrontation with our very peaceful and cute Darkling... BUT I remembered that Alina was waiting for me. Will you entertain your ex until we get here? Thanks, sister." he winks at you, smiling when he sees your expression fall, and he heads towards the exit, humming.

"Son of a bitch." you mutter under your breath as he walks past you.

"Yes, indeed!" he replies with an even bigger smile. You can only laugh and shake your head at him as he leaves you alone in the room.

You pace around the room, nervously picking at the bracelet on your wrist.

This was supposed to be the first time you would see him since you left for Shu Han and married their prince there. You heard that he changed after the events in the fold. That he went crazy about Alina and became obsessed with HIS Sun Summoner. His lust for power and greed only increased his dark madness, which made even his most trusted Grisha fear.

You heard rumours that he always had shadow monsters by his side and that he received a souvenir from his volcras in the form of black scars marring his face. Though you're not sure if anything can disfigure him.

Somehow, you feel him approaching. Before he touches the door handle, you know he's behind it. You lean against the table with Ravka's map on it and wait. Your heart beats rapidly as the silence of the room is broken by the sound of the door opening.

He doesn't come in right away. He freezes the moment he sees you. You take in his new appearance carefully, less surprised to see him than he is to see you. He has a few black scars on his face, his complexion is sallower, and his eyes are cloudy, probably from lack of sleep.

"Kirigan." you say, as he still doesn't make any moves towards you. The sound of your voice wakes him from his trance. He closes the door behind him, letting in a single shadow creature that follows silently behind him. You only stare at it for a moment before your gaze returns to his dark irises, which have been staring at you continuously since he opened the door.

"Princess." he watches you carefully, as if looking for any flaw—the slightest shake in your stoic and unflappable demeanour. Something that would prove to him that you're not better off without him. "I've heard about your husband's death. My sincere condolences." he says it in the most insincere tone you've ever heard.

"Thank you. It is very hard. He was such a good husband. Possibly the best I could come across." you say, smiling sadly, which only angers him more.

You see him press his lips into a thin line. His dark eyes never leave you, as he takes in every new detail in your appearance. His shadow monsters stand obediently behind him.

"Is this necessary?" you ask, nodding towards the shadow creature.

"Does it scare you? My Nichevo'ya are always with me." he says, as if to challenge you.

"No. Not at all. But now I don't wonder why no one else is besides it." your snide remark clearly hurts his pride. He takes a breath to respond, but the door opens again, and this time Alina and Nikolai join you.

"Aleksander." Sun Summoner greets him, and you roll your eyes. Of course he would tell her his real name. After all, it was his solnishka.

"Alina." he nods at her, taking his eyes off you. Because how could you compare to his sunshine?

"Nikolai. Welcome everyone. I guess we can start." Nikolai interjects jokingly, trying to break the obvious tension in the room. And by the way the three of you look at each other, you already know that this isn't going to be an easy negotiation at all.

"Egs." The man next to you hands you what you want. "Flour." He pours it in for you, which you let him do, considering that there wasn't a single bag in the Little Palace's kitchen and you were both too lazy to look for a bowl to measure it out with. Besides, you know it would end just like last time—a big war that the servants would have to clean up later. "Sugar." He hands you a clay jar, and you taste some of it before pouring it into the dough. You wince when you taste the salt, at which he laughs loudly. "Aleksander! What did I tell you last time?! I'm making you a birthday cake; you could at least not try to sabotage me." You roll your eyes at him and reach for the sugar yourself.

"I told you it wasn't necessary. There are other activities we could engage in." He murmurs against your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"If you had told me earlier, and not after the amazing sex, calling it the best birthday present you ever received, then we could. Now take your hands off me and help me mix the dough."

"But it's my birthday… shouldn't I be the one giving you orders?" He asks, giving you puppy-dog eyes. You break your facade and lean in, kissing him sweetly, only to pull away from him the moment his hands touch the hem of one his shirts he gave you to wear.

"Maybe next year. Now you better figure out how we can fit 200 candles in here for you." You pat his chest and try not to bite your lip as he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and starts mixing the dough. You watch him uninhibitedly, though, and the way the muscles in his arms move.

"Actually, a little more."

"How many?" You ask curiously, taking a sip of wine from his glass since yours is long gone.

"531." You choke on your alcohol, and he laughs, wiping the rest of the cake off his hands and patting you gently on the back.

"Saints, I'm sleeping with a fossil."

"Just half an hour ago, you were doing it very enthusiastically, I must say."He whispers seductively, pressing a kiss on your temple as you transfer the dough to the baking tin.

"Oh, shut up." you say, trying to resist him somehow, but you both know how it will end soon. "Because someone will come in here and see us."

With a wave of his hand, a thick layer of shadows appears around the door. The palace kitchen is immersed in a gentle darkness; the only source of light is the fire from the stove where the cake is baked and the window.

"We have a while before it's ready... can I play with my present again?" he asks, picking you up and sitting on the table, getting between your legs.

"Do not say that. It's creepy." you say, pushing his hands away from the ties of the shirt you're wearing. He's not at all put off and instead attacks your neck with kisses.

"It's my birthday; you told me I could do anything with you, moya tsarevna." He reminds you, biting lightly on the skin of your neck and making you moan.

You tangle your hands in his hair and push him away from you. The disgruntled frown on his face reminds you of the face of a grumpy child, but you can't laugh now since you're trying to regain control of yourself.

"Within reason... so don't think you can seduce me with your old Ravkan, touch, or kisses. We are not doing that here." you state firmly, but he doesn't give up.

"But lapushka, you are the only dessert I want, milaya. Moi sol ye tselai. Zyoma maya olya. Eya chela (I'm hungry) for you. Eya fyela chi, don't you love me too, moya koroleva?" He whispers against your skin as he places kisses all over your face, his beard tickling you again, making you go completely soft for him the moment his lips capture yours in a hot, deep kiss that takes your breath away.

And neither of you are surprised that you almost set the kitchen of the Little Palace on fire, completely forgetting about the cake.

"I want my summoner back." you huff at his absurd demand, at which he frowns at you furiously.

"You have no right to her."

"She had trained under my and Baghr's gaze. She owes me. Her service will be enough payment."

"She is the bride of Ravka and the fiancée of one of my brothers." you continue firmly, not allowing anyone else to speak up and ignoring Alina's annoyed look at you.

"One of them?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Is there a problem?" you growl in anger. He shifts in his seat; the strange creature is hovering next to him like a faithful dog, reacting to his every slightest movement. The son of a bitch tried to intimidate you.

"Not at all. It's good to know who I should get out of my way."

"If you mean what I think..." you start threateningly, completely ignoring his shadow monster.

"It would be very hard for her to be the bride of Ravka without a groom." he finishes his thought, smirking ominously at you when he sees your furious reaction.

"Oh, not at all. I would also be able to marry her." you tell him, and he glares at you madly. You hear this strange thing growling at his side. Apparently, it must have felt and shared his emotions.

"While being already mine? I doubt so."

"I belong to no one, and she belongs to Ravka!" you shout, standing up and slamming your hand on the table.

"She belongs to Grisha!" he stands up as well, banging his fist on the table. You both lean over the table on opposite sides, looking at each other hatefully. Shadows gather around him, behind his back.

"She is a person! And can speak out for herself. Thank you two very much. You know it, right? Saints, you two are perfect for each other." Nikolai interrupts the two of you before you two start a fight. He rubs his eyes with his hand and looks at the clock. "Gene… ekhem… Lord… um… Mister Kirigan. I think it would be better for all of us if we went to sleep. You and your people had a long way here; I'm sure you would use some sleep and the comfort of a bath." you'd laugh at your brother's awkwardness if your ex didn't get on your nerves like a damn master.

The Darkling sighs, nodding. He stands up, brushing invisible dust from his all-black kefta.

"I guess my chambers are still where they were?" he asks, heading towards the door, and you just can't help but stab him in the back at goodnight.

"You are not allowed to walk inside the Little Palace." you say stoically. Aleksander stops. Nikolai and Alina look at you as if you were a madwoman, suicidal.

"What?" he asks, turning towards you to glare daggers at you.

"That's not your property. You don't choose where you sleep."

"I built a Little Palace with my own hands when you were not even planning to come to this world!"

"And yet I am the one who has any rights to it. Besides, if you want to play that card, most of the population on this planet wasn't even planning to come to the world, and yet you are not going around and claiming things that don't belong to you. It also didn't stop you from seducing someone much younger than you."

"You… you are walking on very thin ice, princess." he growls at you furiously, getting so close that you're only a few centimetres apart. From this distance, you can get a good look at the black, raw scars on his face.

"I am not afraid." you reply firmly, looking at him defiantly and tilting your chin up. You both breathe heavily. Rage is boiling within you two; you both know it's not just caused by the disagreements over Ravka and Grisha, but something far more personal...

"You should be." he whispers. Your breaths practically mingle...

"If you say: make me, I will throw out my dinner. And I would rather not." you roll your eyes at your brother.

You throw one last hateful glare at Aleksander and walk to the exit. You can't stop yourself from hitting him in his arms with your own. He growled something under his breath, mad, but you don't care to listen.

You leave the room confident that you've won this little battle between the two of you. Little did you know that the real one wouldn't be fought between you until late at night.

"A chauvinistic imbecile who thinks that just because he was born first and has a penis between his legs, he has the right to behave like a future king. Even his stupid horses are smarter than him."

"Don't insult the horses, darling." Aleksander mutters over his papers, looking through the latest reports from under the fold.

He was about to leave for Kirbirsk to supervise the crossing of a new type of boat to the other side of the wall of shadows. You didn't like the prospect of being away from him for such a long time. Especially when your oldest (and probably stupidest) brother tried to convince your parents to marry you to the prince of Shu Han.

"Doesn't it bother you? Seriously? What if he succeeds and you will never see me again?" You ask furiously, crossing your arms and looking at him.

"No way, you're too much of a nuisance for me to get rid of you so easily." He replies jokingly. However, when he finally looks up at you and sees your serious, mad attitude, he throws the papers on the desk and stands up. He walks over to you and cups your cheek with his hand tenderly, which you reluctantly allow, still furious with him. "Even if something like that happens, which I highly doubt, given your manipulative skills, connections, and a large, beautiful mind that many men should fear, I will come for you. Always. Even if I have to fight the volcras, I will always come back for you." He says, placing a tender kiss on your forehead. "You are mine, moya tsarevna. I'm not sharing you with anyone. Especially some pompous, high-born idiot who haunts Girsha like a haunting dog."

'But how long will it last? How long will you be feeling like this? I will die. Much faster than you. I am like a small ink stain in your long-lived book of life." you say, fully aware that you two are a lost cause.

But he doesn't let you think about it for long. He latches onto your lips hungrily, redirecting your thoughts to him and this moment between you. He pins you to the war table and effectively takes over your every little cell as his tongue tangles with yours. He moans softly as you tangle your hands in his hair. He somehow manages to distance himself from you. He rests his forehead against yours, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs.

"You are not a stain. You are my light. Something I have wanted for centuries but could never experience. You saw me... all of me. And you never turned away. You never judged me for who I was or what I did. And I will do everything. Everything in my power to make sure you shine for me as long as possible, moya lapushka."

"So you won't replace me? For someone else? More powerful? Equal to you? You won't change us from lovers to strangers?" you ask as he places small kisses on your cheeks, jaw, neck, and collarbone.

"Never." he whispers against your lips before kissing you again, his fingers finding effortlessly their way to the buttons of your dress, stroking and kissing every little bit of your skin he exposes as a promise.

Which he breaks a few weeks later when he meets Sun Summoner.

You know you shouldn't fall asleep in his chambers when he's back in Os Alta, but you've been doing it since you returned to Ravka.

After your first sleepless night in your chambers, you snuck into the Little Palace and into his chambers. And you hated yourself for how pathetic you were when you fell asleep the moment you wrapped yourself in his black blanket.

At first, you were tormented by memories of the time you spent with him, but as the days and weeks passed, memories of him only haunted you in your dreams. And now it was mostly habit that kept you in the general's chambers. After all, you spent a lot of time here. In fact, most of your happy memories. What a pity that they were just a facade, a web of lies that Aleksander had been weaving since the beginning of your relationship.

You shiver as a sudden chill passes through you. You reluctantly get out of bed and wrap yourself in a blanket. You walk over to the window, making sure it's closed, and close the curtains, plunging the room into complete darkness.

Suddenly, an arm wraps around you, pulling you into a broad chest. Before you can scream, a hand covers your mouth, and when you see the familiar black ring on one of the man's fingers, you go into a fit of pure fury.

You struggle against his grip, screaming into his hand, trying to bite it somehow. The blanket falls off of you, causing his arm to press you tighter against his body. You heat up as you feel yourself perfectly fitting against his body, involuntarily remembering... much more pleasant situations when he pressed you against him.

"Stop it. You'll only get tired. And I want to talk to you like a civilised person, so calm down." He whispers in your ear. His bearded cheek brushes against yours as he moves his hand from your mouth to your neck, squeezing gently as a reminder that if you try anything, he's ready to punish you.

"Calm the fuck down yourself. Since when does a civilised man sneak into a woman's bedroom to talk to her?"

"This isn't your bedroom."

"And this is not your palace." you reply teasingly, and by the way he tightens his grip on you, you know he has a scowl on his face. You smile, pleased that you're able to get under his skin.

"This is debatable. Will you stay still and listen to me, or do I have to hold you like that? Not that I mind, but I'd rather look at your face."

"And I feel disgusted every time I look at you, so I'd rather stay like this."

Not a second passes after you finish your sentence when he turns you around in his arms and pushes you against the large window behind you. You're glad you managed to close the curtains earlier; otherwise, you would have been pressed against the cold glass instead of the soft, velvety fabric by the angry Black Heretic.

And you wonder if you're losing your mind or if you've gained courage if you don't feel an ounce of fear as his shadow monsters circle around you. You can't quite recall how he called them since his dark eyes stared at you with an intense fire, which made you speechless for a while.

"You really have nothing else to tell me?" He asks calmly this time, running his thumb over the base of your neck. As if he were playing with his prey.

However, subconsciously, you know that he won't hurt you. If not for the sake of his feelings towards you, then at least because he's not stupid enough to kill Ravka's princess while he's negotiating... which you actually have no idea why he agreed to.

"Like what?" You finally ask, breaking the silence that had fallen between you. His face falls, you see a hint of disappointment in his eyes, and your eyes involuntarily land on the scars on his forehead, cheek, and nose. And suddenly, you feel a huge need to run your finger over them.

"I don't know... maybe why did you run away? You left and got married to Shu Han dog without saying me anything!"

"I didn't want to interrupt your fun with Alina. Honestly, what did you expect after you found yourself another woman? That I'll stay in some fucking threesome with you and your Sun Summoner?! You're not that good in bed, sweetheart." You mock him and the fact that he had the nerve to call you out on what you did. As if he wasn't the first to break the promises you made to each other in the privacy of his chambers. You were supposed to be partners in crime. It's not your fault that he decided to turn you into strangers.

"You know damn well that she was only a means to an end! The issue here is that you left me! You of all people turned away from me and ran away as if I meant nothing to you!" He shouts madly, slamming his hand on the window behind you in anger. You're surprised it didn't break into pieces under the pressure of his strength.

"Is that why you stuck your tongue in her mouth?! Because she was just a means to an end—a weapon you wanted to use? Besides, when were you going to tell me about widening the fold?!"

"That wasn't a reason for you to run away to another fucking country and marry anyone only to spite me!"

"But it was enough for you to kill him?!" You further question his actions, revealing to him that you know full well on whose orders the poison was poured into your husband's chalice... or that the black scars on his body were not caused by an infection.

"And how else could you be mine again?! Also, don't pretend that you have any morals. We both know that you didn't particularly mourn his death. I had to somehow fix the mistakes you made because of your bratty attitude."

"If you would just be honest with me from the beginning, you fucking distrustful son of a bitch, then there would be nothing to fix!”

"Do you want me to be honest?" He growls furiously, leaning towards you, your noses practically brushing against each other as he keeps his gaze on your eyes. "There wasn't a single damned second that I didn't think about you. Not a single dream without you, tormenting me because I can't have you. Do you know what I was thinking about in the fold when I thought I was going to die? About you. All I could think about was the time we spent together, when I had you in my arms. I do not want anyone else. Alina or any other fucking Sun Summoner. I don't want power; I can't do anything without you by my side anyway. So don't stand here and blame me for ruining our relationship when I love you with all the shattered heart I have left."

"So don't give me reasons to leave." You whisper, tired from all this arguing, as he reinforces your belief that you both suffered without each other and that you got under each other's skin so deeply that it was impossible to stop thinking about each other.

You hold back the tears you promised yourself not to shed because of him. He cups your cheek tenderly in his hand and rests his forehead against yours as you breathe out shakily, trying to maintain your facade in front of him.

"Maybe you should stop running away every time you have doubts about me? Why can't you have some faith in me?" He asks in a shaky voice, making you open your eyes to meet his pleading gaze. It's the first time in your life you've seen him so... defenseless. Open. Vulnerable.

"I have no doubt about you, Aleksander. I know you are capable of anything. That nothing can stand in your way if you really set your mind to it, not even Alina or Baghra. I don't care about Alina, what you wanted to do with her, or if your plans were moral or not. The problem is that you lied to me. You went behind my back."

"And look where it got me. Do you think I'll do it again?" He asks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and pressing a kiss on your forehead.

He rests his lips against your forehead for a while, burying his nose in your hair and inhaling your scent as you both try your best to have a proper conversation and don't melt in each other's arms.

"I don't now. You gave me many reasons not to trust you. Alina's case, destroying the fold, Baghra being your mother. I guess the list goes on and on."

"The last one had reasonable reasons." he says, pulling away from you to look into your eyes.

You can't help but burst out laughing. He smiles and cups your cheek in his hand. The healed scar from the amplifier attracts your attention.

"You removed it. Why? That was your only connection to Alina and her power." You ask confused, realising that the strange connection between them didn't disappear because Alina became stronger but because he completely removed the amplifier from his system.

"The only connection I want to have is with you." He says confidently, taking your hands in his. "Besides... after using Merzost, I became... weaker. Holding this amplifier would cause infection, poison my blood, and ultimately kill me."

"Are you… dying? After the second use of Merzost?"

"Don't worry, moya tsarevna. I have a long enough life ahead of me with you." He says, caressing your cheek. "And after discovering some entries from my grandfather's diary, I know how to extend it for you."

"What if I don't want it? If I don't want you anymore?"

"Then I have nothing to lose. I will do anything to bring Grisha to the throne, to their place above everyone else in this damn country. And I'll make sure you stay by my side. Willingly or not. You always belonged to me. You were supposed to rule with me, side by side. And with the time I will provide you, I am sure you will find in your heart the love for me again. Although I doubt that any of us could lose it in such a short time."

You shiver at his certainty and his dark gaze. However, it is not a thrill of fear but of excitement... and you are not surprised that this was his plan B. If you were him, you would do the same.

You signed a pact with him on the first night you spent together. There was no turning back from then on. You were supposed to be together. As absurd as it may sound. Princess of Ravka and the Black Heretic. Otkazat'sya and Grisha. Monsters on Ravka's throne. But only you would be able to restore balance without causing a civil war.

You might not trust each other, be suspicious of each other, or disagree with the decisions you made, but you knew that you both had Ravka's best interests in mind. No matter who else gets hurt, that was how the word worked: you were either a martyred saint or a selfish sinner. And you weren't going to suffer for the sake of anything else but your country. And Aleksander was fed up with his people suffering for who they were, simply for being.

Together, you could do great things.

"Tomorrow is the reading of my damned father's will. His last will is about to include who he wanted on the throne. We have enough time to…"

"I've already taken care of it. You will be a beautiful, wise and cruel tsaritsa." He cuts you off before you can finish your thought, and you smile. One mind. You've always acted like this... but only if you didn't hide anything from each other.

"I will have competition, with such a tsar at my side." you say, and finally allow yourself to lean in and kiss him. His mouth is a little chapped, but you don't mind when all you can focus on is the warmth that engulfs you in his arms again and the pleasant tingling that spreads from your lips throughout your body as he groans in pleasure. You pull away from him just as he wants to deepen the kiss. You tease him a little, and you reach out to caress the black scars on his face with your fingertips. "If you look at Alina even once, I will gouge out both of your eyes and make sure your little sun never shines again." You whisper, placing small kisses where the scars are most visible.

He doesn't freeze; he doesn't tense up. He just moans quietly at the touch of your lips in the places he hates the most and which you seem to treat with fascination and tenderness.

You were as jealous of him as he was of you. You both would kill anyone who dared to steal the other from you. And you both know it's not the worst thing you are able to do for each other.

"Don't worry… I'll only be able to see you. And how beautiful and breath-taking you will look in the crown and my black colours."

"Black?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at him and pulling away slightly.

"Yes. You're mine. As well as I am yours." he says, picking you up as he walks to your bed.

"I won't wear a kefta. This damn thing is hard to take off," you tell him immediately, at which he laughs, unbuttoning his own.

"We'll see." he replies to you with a mischievous smirk and leans over you, kissing you again.

And later that night, as you lie curled in each other's arms and discuss the plans you have for Ravka in whispers, you know you wouldn't have it any other way. Even if you face more fights and doubts with him. And there is no doubt that you would try to manipulate each other to get what you want—to try and make the other feel guilty just to bring your own plan to life—but neither of you wanted to be left on top of the world utterly alone.

It was too late for you to be strangers to each other again. And since neither of you cared about your reputation, your morals, or who you would become in the eyes of the world, you might as well make them fear you. You will be the most terrifying pair of lovers in history.

And as he fell asleep, you started playing with the ball of light with a small smile on your face, squeezing his hand as an amplifier you needed to strengthen the connection you managed to make with Alina that no one knew about. Well... besides you, only the Durast, who made an engagement ring for the Sun Summoner, knew that you were trying to gain from her the power you needed to be an equal for the sleeping Shadow Summoner wrapped around you.

You would tell him... in time.

First, you had to learn how to use your new powers and make sure the connection between you and Alina would last. However, this required much more drastic measures than putting a collar around her neck or a small ring on her finger.

You press a kiss on his chest and rest your head on his shoulder, snuggling into him. You fall asleep in his arms, wondering how you'll convince him to give you some of his mother's bones... or his own.

After all, Morozova's amplifiers were the strongest.

You will soon see this for yourself when, right after your coronation and marriage, you find out that you were unconsciously carrying one under your heart after this night.

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hot-take-tournament · 1 year ago

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HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT!

GREATEST HITS!

Submission 474

vocaloids (and all similar non-Yamaha-owned vocal synths) are bad. all of them.

It's a mockery of the human voice. Frye from Splatoon 3 of all things is the closest we will ever get to having any interesting vocal technique in a voice synth bank. Singing styles around the world are so interesting and take so much skill and you abandon them for a glorified MIDI file? I also blame them for the rise of AI-generated covers, because they first started the devaluing of the human voice and the usage of it as an instrument - a really boring one that will never know advanced or diverse technique. Congrats, Miku made Minecraft, now all of SpongeBob has sang Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. At least the SpongeBob characters have distinct and interesting voices.

[from follow up asks]

hello. vocaloid take submitter here.

i didn't expect my submission to gain as much traction as it did, i thought it was lukewarm at best. i thought there were more vocaloid haters out there. this is tumblr, though, so i guess not. still think vocaloid is ass though.

i will say, it might add context to my take that i myself am a singer and have natural perfect pitch. while i haven't sang in any professional capacity, i've still done some voice training and lots of lower level performances. i have very strong feelings about singing, and hold what the human voice can do in high regard.

i also have a better ear for picking up smaller things in the human voice (re: natural perfect pitch) and the difference between humans and vocaloid is extremely striking to me. no amount of tuning can make a vocaloid not sound lifeless to me, because i will never, ever hear a human voice, and instead of letting the lead of the song Not Be Vocals - which has never been a novel concept - they HAVE to put the voice bank in.

also, re: "frye isn't a voice bank dumbass", congrats! you took away something i felt was actually interesting! god i wish more people knew about more singing styles that they couldn't easily replicate!

while now i know that AI voices are not a continuation of vocaloid, sorry, still think it's bad, go to hell and learn to compose a song without lyrics.

also - still the vocaloid take submitter - to continue:

i will eventually send a link to a playlist of all of the Vocaloid songs i have ever listened to, because i am sure most of the people who think i submitted that think that i do not even know what Defoko is, or that i've heard exactly two Hatsune Miku songs. i know what Defoko is. i know she's entirely computer generated. i've listened to her voice. i still think it's bad. have any of you big shots heard of Big Al? i've listened to him. also bad. it's bad.

Submission 111

I think chicken breast is disgusting and I would rather blend it up into a shake than eat it with my teeth

It’s fast, it’s efficient, it’s nutritious if you add fruits and vegetables. It’s easy to prepare and you can drink it on the go. I need the protein but chicken breast tastes disgusting either way, and I’m tired of putting in so much effort to make the joyless rubbery meat taste good.

My friends and family are wrong, this is the future.

I see some of you not voting! That's cheating!

It's ok if you agree with neither take! Just choose the take you agree with slightly more!

Think of it like choosing the lesser of two evils!

Propaganda is always encouraged, and remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure!

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impval · 2 months ago

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Modern Κασσάνδρα

Cate Dunlap x Fem!Reader

There were a couple of rules to remember here:

You could see the past and future of different people, but you can't control it. It doesn't depend on touch or emotion. It's completely random.

The future can be changed, but some things were set in stone. Like a fucking fate or something.

For some fucking reason, you keep seeing Cate's future and past in visions.

Your visions of Cate's past and future are equally terrifying. The campus drenched in blood, Cate's face twisted in madness; it's all etched into your mind. Her hand exploding, the deaths...it's endless and horrifying. You know almost too much about Cate, whether you want to or not.

But here's the thing. Yes, you have powers. Yes, you have the opportunity to save someone. But you're not stupid, you know the myths, you remember Kassandra. Her fate... it was never a happy one, doomed to see the horrors of the future and never been believed, never listened to. You choose to be selfish and when another vision of Cate hits you… you choose yourself.

Fate, however, has other plans.

Test after test, the teachers were giving you a tough time, and they weren't cutting you any slack. So, when the chance to let loose came up, you were one of the first ones at the party, with one goal in mind — to get totally wasted.

The party was in some rich bastard's house—one of those mansions that Cate had only been able to catch a glimpse of on campus trips while on some sort of university sanctioned event. It was pretty easy to spot you.

Cate was always a social butterfly, flitting from one party to the next and mingling with practically everyone she could. And, like all social butterflies, what she wanted she took. Usually, that meant a new partner to charm and some form of intoxication. You were pretty, obviously—hell, most people were these days—but there was something in the way you held yourself.

As the night wore on, Cate casually pushed the conversation to more interesting topics, she try made small talk. But in the end she asks the very question that everyone is curious about.

"So," she definitely drunk, "can you see my future? Or my past?"

Alone in a room, weeping. So weak, so vulnerable, a broken little girl. Begging for salvation, begging for comfort. Begging for someone to hold her...

You felt sick.

As you try to make a light joke, trying to deflect from the conversation, Cate is momentarily distracted by other partygoers calling out to her, friends asking for a drink or a dance.

The fear of a new vision full of blood and pain is too much and you leave while Cate is distracted by a conversation.

It would seem that the stars had aligned—maybe it was just bad luck. When the teacher announced the group projects, and your names were paired together, your can feel her eyes on you. Fuck.

"Seems like fate wants us together."

As you begin working on the project together, your initial tension is hard to ignore, especially with the nightmarish visions always haunting you. But despite the danger she poses, you find yourself drawn to her.

Cate is charming when she wants to be, and her interest in you is undeniable. She doesn't bring up the future anymore, but sometimes you catch her looking at you with a thoughtful expression, like she's trying to figure you out.

Of course, Cate still tried to learn more about your powers and your visions, but she was also careful not to push you too far. Cate's queries go deeper this time around, delving into the specifics of your powers in a way no one has done before.

The more time you spent with Cate, the more you learned about her—the more you grew fond of her. She'd bring you coffee in the morning, always remembering your favourite latte, and ask you questions about what you'd watch over the weekend.

Like how she loves cinnamon rolls and hates cooking, how her cold hands are always encased in her iconic gloves, not a single day going by without them.

Despite your inner struggle and the visions of her future, you find yourself liking her, even enjoying her company. And you decide to try.

As you start warning Cate about the little things, the future seems to shift and change in subtle ways. She doesn’t trip on the sidewalk, her coffee cup stays intact, and she starts remembering her phone more often.

Each small change seems like a victory, a reminder that the future can be malleable. But you can't help but wonder, with a guilt and fear, if all of these small changes are just delaying the inevitable.

You know about Cate's power and how she fears it. You know her need for touch and her deep-rooted fear of it. You find yourself naturally wanting to touch her, seeking physical contact with her. And each time you do, you notice how she tenses up, but tries to mask it with a laugh or a casual comment.

And then there are those moments of touch, so soft and shy. Her fingers barely making contact with your arm, as if she's still surprised that you allow her this small intimacy. You are doomed in your own way.

Your visions about Cate's future are still troubling, and now you see Indira more often—saving Cate from loneliness, smiling, but somehow it feels wrong. Then there's the Woods, a place where terrible things seem to happen.

You were quietly thankful that Indira didn't seem to pay much attention to you, considering your 'weak' power, sparing you the intensity of her interest in Cate. You had seen visions of her and Cate together multiple times, and the dynamic between them was hard to ignore.

You notice a change in Cate's behavior, as she starts going to parties more frequently and ignoring your texts, which only increases the worry gnawing at your heart. Cate is walking on the edge, a breakdown waiting to happen, and you're the only one who notices it because you knew what was coming, even before you had ever met her.

Each vision you've had suddenly seems more and more connected. Before, it all seemed like a confusing puzzle, but now the pieces are slowly forming an ominous picture. You feel as if you're drowning, like the future is closing in around you. Time is slipping away, and you can't shake the feeling that you knew all of this would happen from the very beginning.

You tried to change things, warning her about small details, tried to talk with Jordan Li and Marie, but it all ended in failure.

Marie runs, frantic and terrified, trying to escape Luke. Sam moves with a terrible grace, breaking people as if they were nothing more than dolls. Fear in Indira's eyes.

As Cate extends her ungloved hand to you amidst the carnage, your mind flashes back to the rare moments when her smile reached her eyes.

With a deep breath and a pounding heart, you take her hand.

#cate dunlap #cate dunlap x reader #gen v #gen v x reader #gen v imagine #wlw

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creatingnikki · 2 years ago

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things to remember in 2023

goodbye emo era, goodbye empath era, goodbye all you eras that have been putting others + emotions at the center of everything. hello self-serving era. self-serving, not selfish. see, more accurate vocabulary can make all the difference.

choose people who choose you. bare minimum is not impressive. it’s only an indicator that hmmm maybe I can explore what something with this person could lead to. it’s the basic eligibility criteria for opening up your time/schedule to someone, not heart. only time.

new people don’t need to know life stories and trauma from before 2018. if you want to talk about it just write about it, write it into your book.

do not listen to your parents. I mean this in the most respectful possible way. you are an adult now, you make your own decisions. because 20 years from now if you are sad and miserable and hating your life and you tell them hey it’s because you made me la la la chances are they are going to turn around and be like nobody forced you, you were an adult, you made your own decisions. so just make your own decisions. and they would be right. like just dodge the emotional manipulation and the drama and the guilt and lack of validation from them for a bit and go ahead and do things you want to in your life. and you already have daddy issues, right? pacify them in bed or something idk. just make your own bloody decisions independent of what your family/others expect of you.

explore more Hindi music.

channelize certain things you’ve seen in most men around you. channelize compartmentalization. channelize binary problem solving. channelize cutting your losses and exiting at the right time from romantic situations that do not have any future no matter how much you feel for them in the present.

do not force yourself to write fiction. maybe you don’t want to create stories. maybe you just want to write down what you already know. maybe you just want to write creative non-fiction. why is that a bad thing? don’t you think it’s time to let go of the ideas you have hyper-romanticized and see things for what they really are and then work with them?

dating apps are not where you will find love. hook-ups, maybe. but drama-free hook-ups? yeah, not quite sure about that either. let’s just go back to how we were before? let’s just focus on our life and believe that love will happen if and when it’s supposed to?

self-dates must make a return. you found that amazing second-hand bookseller next to your home and your favourite cafe from Bangalore is now in Mumbai and so many new art galleries are opening up around and when was the last time you went to Marine Drive and maybe it’s time to sneak into your college to go have your favourite food again from the canteen and maybe after work you can stay around and explore the popular bars and maybe you can find a post office next to your new apartment so you can start sending letters and packages to your best friend again. I know, I know 2022 was a year of such dramatic highs that gave you such adrenaline rush that coming back to things that were more grounded and brought you joy seems difficult but baby please. you cannot run towards psychosis so soon, okay? come back.

on that note, let’s find a yoga class around your apartment and also a gurudwara.

sign up for experiences and invest for the long term but do not invest in material things like furniture. at this point you are the typical mid-20s person who is free to up and leave whenever and wherever and you haven’t found a place you want to call home yet anyway. so keep your money liquid, don’t lock it up in stupid things, but invest for the long-term in equity assets to create wealth. also, go meet your accountant please. and get life insurance.

do not let family stuff get to you emotionally. deal with it in a logistic, functional, and objective way. as much as possible.

you really don’t have to respond to people within 24 hours, 48 hours, or even a week. I mean other than very few selected people (family, best friend, and your partner), nobody is owed your immediate attention. and even these inner circle people are owed your immediate attention only in a way where you keep them in the loop to let them know you are alive and doing okay.

you are a warm person and it’s easy for people to like you wherever you go. but you have such limited time, energy, and brain cells. you cannot scale yourself like a company. which means if you more people want to get to know you, talk to you, etc., you can’t supply them with that because you are not a scalable product. okay? okay.

earning more money will help only in a limited manner if you do not budget and control your spending. it’s not the person who earns more that is rich but the person who saves and invests and doesn’t take debt for consumption purposes. you can no longer be the ironic financial writer like in the confessions of a shopaholic. you are no longer a kid, you are an adult who has to take care of yourself and soon your dependents and so you cannot keep ranting on about capitalism while falling constant prey to it. instead you have to benefit from it.

figure out what is your choice of poison. for when you wanna just vibe, for when you want to get drunk drunk, for when you wanna be bhand. figure it out.

think of studying Korean as doing an undergrad degree. so you know you have to stick with this for the next three years. this way you don’t see it as a short-term fancy but as a longer term commitment and reach level 6 of fluency in the language. this way, by the time you are in your late 20s, you will actually be able to read Korean books in Hangul and not the English translation. that’s your goal, isn’t it? and writing poetry in Korean too.

your high school friend answered the question no doctor was. when you drink alcohol, make sure there is a 3-hour gap between that and your medication. but also keep the drinking in check. I mean honestly, iced coffee and fresh fruit juices for the win.

you go through people like you go through books. but people are not books. time to pick up actual books again and press pause on people.

do not commit anything to anybody because you have no sense of stability or certainty in your life right now. that doesn’t make you flighty. that doesn’t make you irresponsible. in fact, it makes you responsible because you aren’t making promises you aren’t sure you are capable of keeping even if you want to keep them. actions > intentions.

time to have a skincare routine. your sister has written you a whole blog on it - just follow that.

also oh my god. being twenty five/twenty six does not make you old. you don’t have to look at the younger people you interact with and feel uncool or outdated because then that’s how you’ll always feel. like when you were younger, you would look at the older people and think they are so cool, graceful, smart, and badass. divine, even. then that’s what you are becoming now. not knowing what certain emojis and slang means really has no bearing on how relevant you are.

this isn’t an exhaustive list, so come back. don’t just write this and forget all about it. come back, review, revise, add. but most importantly, remember. remember this is for you. so that you minimise pain and failure and shitty feelings and maximise peace and success and joy. and you do like optimum utilisation of resources, don’t you? so do that. apply yourself for yourself. that’s where the returns are the highest.

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msnameless · 5 months ago

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୭ .⋆｡⋆ Acceptance ༶⋆˙⤹⋆⸙͎

Kento Nanami x Reader

You reminisce about Kento Nanami on a beach.

warnings: very slight angst, coming to terms with death

(842 words, angst/fluff)

You lifted your sunglasses to your face, shielding your face from the blazing sun on the beach.

Kento Nanami was a solemn man.

You'd watched as he bade farewell to the sorcerer life in favour of an average businessman's, just to come back in a half-hearted attempt to find some meaning in life.

After all, as aloof as he seemed, you knew that he merely set boundaries between sentimentalism and his dangerous job as a Jujutsu sorcerer. Despite knowing death would always be ready to flirt with him, the inklings of appreciation that Nanami got from saving people's lives propelled him forward, and made him choose to continue risking his life. All because Nanami desired to leave a significant impact behind.

Sinking your feet deep into the grainy sand, you stood up to take a stroll.

Kento Nanami was your colleague, though the way he treated you and Gojo Satoru was as similar as day and night. Nanami reserved a sharp tongue especially for the latter, but with you he acted more gentle.

It was subtle, the way he would check in on you without fail after missions, eyebrows furrowing if you were injured. Nanami would try to steer you away from Gojo's antics and sighed in irritation whenever he failed, which was often. If you conversed with him and laughed, he'd turn to you with the corners of his mouth ever so slightly upturned.

At times, he'd even remove his glasses and you would witness the way his eyes stared at you. There was no irritation, only something akin to fondness. Nanami's face was sculpted by sharp lines and angles, yet you marveled at how soft his expressions could be for you.

You'd looked up to Nanami and respected him for his beliefs. During the four years when he worked as a salaryman, you kept in contact with each other. Before his first day at work, you met Nanami in a café and gave him his signature leopard print tie. Once after a particularly grueling mission, you'd called to confide in him. Nanami showed up at your door 30 minutes later with your favourite cake in hand. It was moments like this that warmed your heart whenever you thought of him.

Your toes dipped into the crystal-clear seawater, the iciness of it stinging you.

"Nanami-san, if you could do anything you wanted in the world, what would it be?" you once questioned him.

"I'd like to take some time off and visit a nice beach overseas just to relax, perhaps Kuantan in Malaysia?" Nanami smiled at you.

You remember laughing at his simple wish and ruffled his blonde locks, messing up his neatly parted style. To your surprise, he didn't lecture you sternly for it.

In a sense, Nanami had never expressed his feelings for you verbally, but his fondness more than shone through his actions. The two of you kept a mutually respectful relationship that was more than colleagues, but it never blossomed into something more, perhaps out of fear of what the future would hold.

The things we hold dear to us are only precious because of the dread that they will one devastating day be snatched away from us, ensnared in fate's cruel hands.

Reality always caught up to you.

Itadori Yuji had told you about the events leading up to his death. Even after half of his body was burnt alive, he still went to rescue Itadori and faced off against too many curses. You had despaired at the thought of Mahito blasting him into pieces.

You couldn't bear to accept a reality without him.

In the midst of a November night, there was naught of the warmth where Nanami's hand once was. There was tempestuous wind where grass stood, and cold rain that battered upon the sweet roses. In the absence of hope, your silence rang out loud.

The forlorn nights tossing and turning in your bed had you wishing for nothing more than to hear Nanami's deep voice again.

There is no balm for a broken heart.

After Nanami's death, everything felt like a fever dream. You only hoped for peace as time licked pathetically at your wounds. It would always sting, but you chose to let it remind you of the man who meant so much to you and experience life in his stead. You would suffer hardships for Nanami, who was no longer here to do so. Perhaps the ghost of his embrace would comfort you in delirious slumbers.

Even now as you sipped on coconut water on the beach, you could hear his calm voice as he stretched by the waves. Picture it. That indifferent tone would hide a serene contentment. Nanami would relish the salty sea breeze as he read a book from his ever-growing pile, snapping it shut every once in a while only to frown and remind you to reapply sunscreen before swimming.

Kuantan, Malaysia was it?

It was rather nice. You suppose you had to enjoy it for Kento Nanami's sake, even if he had left your side.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk oneshot #jjk #nanami kento #kento nanami x reader #jjk x reader #jjk nanami #kento x reader #kento x y/n #nanami x reader #light angst #msnameless

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ellilyre · 3 months ago

Note

If you had to choose one of OdyDio to canonically die in the Iliad, who would you choose? Odysseus or Diomedes?

What would be/is your favourite Iliad au?

How are you today?

How do you think Diomedes would react to Odysseus getting speared like a chicken kebab in the Iliad?

What do you think Athena would think about OdyDio?

1. Odysseus. (I didn't see you said in the Iliad until I finished writing my monologue TT )

By the time of the Iliad, Dio had a way harsher life. He was at war since he was 14yo, and probably never expected to survive most of the things he has been through. But it does get better, eventually.

Odysseus, however, had (to my knowledge) a pretty chill life until Troy. And it's only once he tries to get home that he really goes through horrible things.

You see, Dio's past is harsh, but Ody's future is even harsher. It's a parallel I like between them. Also I just posted about my HC of Dio being (passive) suicidal, so the fact that he outlived Ody would be very unexpected and interesting.

However if it's during the Iliad, as you actually said, I'd prefer Dio. Atm Ody's story barely started while Dio could be considered to be dead at his apogee.

2. Lately I have been thinking about... CoD x Iliad.... The guys of the Trojan war, they're SAS.... Idk if I'd call that my fav one, but it's definitely something i need to think more about.

I rly like au where Ody comes home to Penelope and Dio, and then they all live happy and together.

3. Great!! The bus ride has been pretty fun so far :3 rn it's 3am, I was half sleeping for the past 2h, and im torn apart between feeling excited and quite energetic and the urge to nap again lol

4. Listen, I am pretty sure Ody does at some point get kebab'ed. I have heard about that but. I genuinely don't remember reading about it (I forget many things I read). As I don't visualise the scene at all its a bit tough for me to answer sry TT (i knew I should've take my Iliad with me... /Hj)

5. She's happy to see her favourite mortals (I like to think she actually has a sweet spot for them both) being close, although sometimes it's a little too close (throw back to one of my last posts lol). Also I hc that (like most gods) she doesn't rly understand/care for the mortals' cultural laws, so she has none of the era's homophobia. It's kinda like you adopt 2 stray cats and one day you see them grooming each other, you're like "yay they get along great :)"

#it was so fun to answer #ask reply #odydio #diomedes #Odysseus

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her-satanic-wiles · 1 year ago

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October 8th

Breeding, Papa Nihil x Reader

Masterlist

Words: 1.3k

Warnings: Breeding; power imbalance; dubcon; Nihil is a selfish lover tbh; no after care; dirty talk; degradation; manipulation; this is actually really creepy and dark, please don’t read this if older men manipulating younger women for sex triggers you; use of scissors to cut off clothes; no foreplay; unprotected sex; piv sex; minor restraint; praise kink;

Taglist: @sodoswitchimage @enchantedbunny @bitchywitchygardener @thew0man @sodomiser @the-did-i-ask (if you want to be added to the list please let me know!)

The following fic contains scenes and elements that some may find disturbing. I have highlighted particular content warnings above that may be particularly triggering to some. If you are in any way in a place where this fic could trigger you, please do not read ahead. Your mental health is more important than a work of fiction.

I do not condone the actions taken in this fic. Please remember that it is a work of fiction, and meant for entertainment purposes only.

Thank you.

🔞 MDNI 🔞

As this is dark fiction, I'm choosing to rate it 21+. Please respect my rating. Thank you.

You were merely a young sister in the Satanic Church when you met him. You’d barely taken your vows, just out of your teenage years and not even making a name for yourself in the Ministry when you assigned your first job. Papa Nihil, the founder of the Ghost Project and head of the Satanic Church, was spending the early 60s touring multiple countries, attempting to topple governments and recruit new members to the church. It was your job, while on tour, to make sure Nihil got everything he needed and that he was comfortable. His son, Primo, who was the same age as you, had been left behind to run things in his father’s absence and take care of his two infant brothers. His father got to gallivant and do what or whom he liked.

Nihil enjoyed the fame and success the Ghost Project brought him and the church, and while it wasn’t considered “righteous” to fornicate with others out of wedlock, it still didn’t sit correctly in most people’s moral codes. He enjoyed strings of girls, each one a different variety to the other. Nihil wasn’t picky, and that was perhaps the only good thing about him. If you had a vulva he wanted you, end of story. But this was his biggest problem, as he was already promised to a different sister, a future Prime Mover - and it wasn’t his favourite Ministry squeeze, Sister Imperator.

But this was how you found yourself sat on your 45-year-old Papa’s sofa, his hand grasping harshly at your thigh and his painted lips attached to your neck. That very same hand moved up towards your core and began to rub you through your tights and panties. You weren’t entirely comfortable with this situation. You wanted to give Nihil what he asked for, and in fact your body was craving it, but your mind constantly thought of his future Prime Mover and his lover, who was only in the next room. You told him this, said that you could go and get Sister Imperator for him. But it was no good. Papa Nihil wanted you. “You wouldn’t deny your Papa, would you?” He murmured into your neck. His fingers were swiping just right on your clit and had you gasping out. “More importantly, you wouldn’t deny your Dark Father, would you? He loves the gifts you give him. Will you, scricciolina? Will you give Him what He asks for?” Little Wren. He liked calling you that because you were as sweet and soft as one, a fitting name for someone so cute and pliant.

You nodded. “Y-yes, Papa.” You replied, your hips beginning to buck to meet his hands.

“Brava ragazza. Stendersi. Spread yourself open for me.”

You lay on your back on the couch, Nihil pulling himself away from you just long enough to let it happen. It didn’t matter that you were still fully clothed, Nihil always preferred it when you were while in public spaces. Not that he’d stop fucking you if he got caught. He always said it was to preserve your modesty, but there was always a darker look in his eye when he grabbed the scissors from their location and sliced through your tights. He’d slice your panties too if he were impatient enough, which, today, he was.

You heard the familiar rip of your tights before you felt the coldness of the blade against your labia. One horizontal snip later, your panties were now destroyed and your sweet, delectable cunt exposed to Nihil’s predatory gaze. He palmed himself through his trousers at the sight of you, but it didn’t take long before his cock was out and lined up to your entrance. You were wet enough to welcome him without pain, but not so wet as for the stretch to be completely comfortable or pleasurable. But even so, he pushed all the way in not even considering your own state. The groan he released was somewhat primal, and just the feeling of your unprepared hole was enough to get the man going.

He braced himself on top of you, letting his whole weight on your body and pressing you down into the sofa. He began babbling incoherently in your ear as he fucked you for his own pleasure. “Ecco, take it like a good girl. Take your Papa’s cock.”

You felt completely degraded but there was a huge part of you that was thrilled by this. Knowing that Nihil didn’t care for you, knowing that he was just using you to get what he wanted excited you to the point where you should be concerned. But the more he thrust in and out of you, the wetter you became. The closer he got to cumming inside you, the tighter you squeezed without realising you were doing it.

What if he came inside you? What if he got you pregnant? The thought of it should disgust you. This man was old enough to be your father, and barbaric enough to enjoy this because he thought you were sweet and innocent. But you were losing yourself to the pleasure, to the idea that he would release his white, sticky cum inside you and put you at risk for pregnancy. If you were pregnant, then everyone would know. Everyone would see that Papa Nihil had laid claim to the newest sister. You were part of his harem, at his beck and call. Free to use whenever he liked.

“Talk to Papa,” he said, “t-tell me what you’re thinking.”

You moaned. “Papa!”

“Your… your cunt is so tight, scricciolina. Why?”

“I - mmm fuck! Papa! I want your c-cum!”

Nihil chuckled above you. “You want to receive your Papa’s cum, hm? Want - merda - Nihil to knock you up? Fill up this tight cunt and fuck a baby into you? Is that it?”

“Yes!”

“Want to be round and full with my spawn? Such a good. Fucking. Girl.” Each word was punctuated with a thrust.

You had heard rumours from the other sisters who had been in your position that Nihil’s biggest kink was spreading his seed around. Because of your words, he seemed to lose a little more control than he had previously. His mind began to wander and his mouth let slip every single thought. “Cunt so good, might make you my Prime Mover. Might fuck you until you’re pregnant with the antichrist.” Your stomach dropped at the thought, especially since your previous worries had returned at the mention of ‘Prime Mover’ but your mouth released a moan so loud, it bordered on pornographic. The coming of the antichrist was a big deal for the church, and an honour for the woman who bore him. You hadn’t considered it before, but now you had, there was no turning back.

Your legs wrapped around Nihil’s waist and kept him trapped between them, only allowing him to pull back a certain amount. “Fill up my c-cunt, Papa! I want your cum so badly.” You were practically wailing now, your nails running down his clothed back. “Get me pregnant, sh-show the Ministry who I belong to. Please, Papa!”

That seemed to do the trick. With one final and brutal thrust, reaching all the way to the back of your pussy almost painfully, Nihil stilled. His cum spilled out of him while his mouth released a groan so low, it was practically a growl. “Th-that’s it.” He stammered. “T-take my seed.”

When he pulled out of you, you felt his cum leaking from your abused hole. He noticed it too, and spent a little while watching it ooze from you before standing up and dressing himself. “You should head back to your room.” He told you, not even looking in your direction. “You have an early morning, don’t you?”

You adjusted your own clothes, feeling his cum running down your thighs as you stood. “Yes, Papa.”

And with that, you left.

Previous Day ⛧ Next Day

#mel writes #ghost #ghost bc #ghost band #ghost the band #ghost fanfic #ghost fanfiction #the band ghost fanfiction #kinktober 2023 #ghost kinktober #papa nihil #papa emeritus #nihil emeritus #papa emeritus x reader #nihil #nihil x reader #papa nihil x reader #smut

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steddieunderdogfics · 9 months ago

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This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @stevesbipanic! They have fourteen works under the Stranger Things tag and thirteen of those works are under the Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson tag over on Archive of our Own!!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following of their works by stevesbipanic:

Stevie's Time Loop

Home For Christmas

Remember Me

The Clothes That Make Us

Boy for All Seasons

She's an amazing writer that's able to make you feel connected to the characters, especially Steve. She's able to make me both cry and laugh in the same fic which is a feat to do well. She's also an amazing friend. Stevie's Time Loop is one of my favourite as it's a really unique way of writing a timeloop with large time jumps and most loops focusing on Steve and his trauma rather than finding a solution. - anonymous

Below the cut, @stevesbipanic answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Steddie was the first ship that ever drove me to write fanfiction. I think the fact that I see myself a lot in both of them, especially Steve makes them so enjoyable to write for me. I think they’re also such moldable characters that you can write them into a lot of different stories quite easily and I love exploring their personalities and dynamics.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Soulmate AUs because I’m a sucker for true love.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Angst with a happy ending, I love making both these boys and my readers cry but also want them to be happy and in love in the end.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is such a hard question, there are so many talented writers and amazing fics, but if I had to choose one I’d have to say “The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting” by badpancake, it was one of the first time loop fics I read and really inspired my own time loop fic.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’d love to explore a fantasy AU in the future, I know many talented authors writing dragon!eddie and King Steve or knight and bard steddie and it is one of my favourite genres of fics that are outside of Hawkins.

What is your writing process like?

A mess, most of my works on Tumblr are spur of the moment ideas that will come to me and I immediately need to write them down. It’s actually the longer slower projects that are hardest for me since they require a lot more planning and editing, I really admire the authors consistently putting out those big fics.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’d say my most noticeable one is how I write dialogue, I really don’t like writing steve said eddie said etc etc. I usually write each thing said on it’s own line and it’s clear who’s speaking by what they say or how they say it, I think it breaks up the story nicely too since you feel you’re seeing the conversation rather than reading it.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

As soon as I finish writing I want people to see it, I kinda hate sometimes when I’m doing a project and have to wait for a specific time to post but the anticipation can be fun too.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, I’m most proud of my latest fic “Home for Christmas” it was the first time I’d ever participated in a bang and the project felt huge, it felt like a big achievement getting it all out in the end and it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written as a bonus.

How did you get the idea for Remember Me?

I think I’d been reading a fic where Steve got a concussion and had a bit of temporary memory loss and I just thought what if all those concussions had long lasting effects on Steve’s brain when he grew older. I’ve also experienced a love one going through long term memory loss and how hard it is to watch that.

When writing Stevie's Time Loop, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to become a whole fic! It started off as one little off hand drabble I wrote that alluded to a lot of loops surrounding the scene of Steve and Robin discussing how Robin had a bad feeling about this and just thought well what if this is like time loop deja vu.

What inspired The Clothes That Make Us?

Exploring why Steve dresses how he does and how he likes the things he does and how there’s an emotional reason behind some of the fans favourite outfits was something I wanted to explore more and this was my very first fic I wrote for ao3 so it was a bit daunting but also very exciting.

What was your favorite part to write from Boy for All Seasons?

My favourite part was definitely thinking of all the silly costumes Eddie would come up with as well as flirty Steve is so fun to write.

How do/did you feel writing The Clothes That Make Us?

I felt nervous since it was the first fic I ever wrote but excited since I felt really proud writing something that long and the feedback I got was so heartwarming.

What was the most difficult part of writing Remember Me?

Omg just getting to the end without crying so hard, after I posted it so many people messaged me about how they cried through it, just know I was writing that through tears too!

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

"Thank you for giving me a life worth remembering.” in “Remember Me” makes me want to cry everytime and really shows what we want for our favourite characters is to have a happy life however long they get.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’ll be posting my fic in the upcoming Reverse Bang in March which is exciting and I’ve got a secret project coming up later this year that people can follow @steddielycrying.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I’d just like to thank everyone who’s supported me through writing, whether it be a random comment on a fic or my lovely mutuals that get me through hard days, this has been an amazing fandom to be apart of and I can’t wait to write more!

Thank you to our author, @stevesbipanic , and our nominator! See more of @stevesbipanic's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#steddie fic recs #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #writer's spotlight #writer's wednesday

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daisycassy · 2 months ago

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I did it, I made the playlist! Also known as the list of Leonard Cohen's songs that make me go feral with Devil's minion feelings.

List of all songs along with my thoughts under the cut bellow

The Future - Give me absolute control/Over every living soul/And lie beside me, baby/That's an order/Give me crack and anal sex....

This whole song is extremely "Daniel and Armand explore their old and new dynamic after years apart" coded, with some old bitter investigative journalist Daniel (my beloved) sprinkled in

Darkness - I caught the darkness/Drinking from your cup/I said: Is this contagious?/You said: Just drink it up...

This is obviously about old Daniel being turned, what do you mean it is not? Look at it!

First we take Manhattan - Ah, you loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win/You know the way to stop me, but you don't have the discipline/How many nights I prayed for this, to let my work begin...

Vampire power couple? Vampire Daniel chasing his maker while being extremely capable fledling? Armand dreaming of them as vampire power couple in the 80s despite being terrified of turning Daniel? Yes all of those

Avalanche - You who wish to conquer pain/You must learn what makes me kind/The crumbs of love that you offer me/They're the crumbs I've left behind...

The pain, the tragedy of forgotten love then remebered and the reality of grapling with those emotions and memories. Also with the spice of the terror of these two

I'm your man - If you want a lover/I'll do anything you ask me to/And if you want another kind of love/I'll wear a mask for you/If you want a partner, take my hand, or/If you want to strike me down in anger/Here I stand/I'm your man...

Is this about Armand and his unresolved issues and tendency to mould himself into whatever he thinks his lovers need and want? Is this about Daniel wanting to be everything that Armand wants and needs? Is this about them being perfect for each other? Or all of the above? Who's to say

Lover Lover Lover - This one is so so perfect for Armand's identity issues, I feel like I want to copy the whole lyrics here

Master song - Devil's minion version 1, 70s and 80s. But also could make an argument for this to be about Armand and his feelings for Marius (I am his n.1 hater)

It seemed the better way - Sounded like the truth/But it's not the truth today/I better hold my tongue/I better take my place/Lift this glass of blood/Try to say the grace/...

Daniel who was turned by Armand to save him from dying, grapling with his newly regained memories, bitterness and anger at being turned against his will now, and abandoned in the past, but still loving Armand

Nevermind - Never mind/I had to leave my life behind/The story's told/With facts and lies/You own the world so never mind/...

Once again Devil's minion 2, old Daniel after getting turned

Almost like the Blues - But I've had the invitation/that a sinner can't refuse/It's almost like salvation/It's almost like the blues...

Daniel spending his life as a journalist, exposing lies and injustice and yet choosing to become the evil that is to be a vampire

My Oh My - Wasn't hard to love you/Didn't have to try/Held you for a little while...

Both of them. Because my favourite thing about this ship is that despite evrything the loving comes easily to them. But love on its own doesn't make relationships easy.

Leaving the table - If I ever loved you, oh no, no/It's a crying shame/If I ever loved you/If I knew your name...

Old Daniel grappling with the newly gained memories of loving Armand and what it means. At the same time not regretting becoming vampire at all. I don't need a reason/For what I becameI've got these excuses/They're tired and lame/I don't need a pardon...

It's Torn - You smile at your suffering, the sweetest reprieve/Why did you leave us? Why did you leave?...

Daniel remembering loving Armand, and the love coming back so so strong. The longing, the pining

Traveling light - I'm just a fool/A dreamer who/Forgot to dream/Of the me and you/Traveling light like/We used to do...

Vampire Daniel chasing his maker who turned him, gave him back the memories of their love and then disappeared.

Amen - Tell me again/We’re alone and I’m listening/I’m listening so hard that it hurts/Tell me again/When I’m clean and I’m sober/Tell me again/When I’ve seen through the horror/Tell me again/Tell me over and over/Tell me that you want me then...

Armand and Daniel during the 70s and 80s both not believing that the other genuinely loves them. The tragedy it leads them to. The endless pining

I can't forget - I said this can't be me/Must be my double/And I can't forget, I can't forget/I can't forget but I don't remember what...

Daniel left without his memories and yet remembering something, sometimes, in his dreams , in the corner of his eye. Forgetting and yet unable to forget.

Take this longing - Oh, take this longing from my tongue/Whatever useless things these hands have done/Let me see your beauty broken down...

As it says on the tin, take this longing from these men, they are sooo full of it.

#Spotify #interview with the vampire #devil's minion #daniel molloy #armand #the vampire armand #iwtv #leonard cohen #the pining playlist is here #leonard my beloved no one makes songs about love like you used to do

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violottie · 8 months ago

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🇵🇸 Palestinian Lives Matter 🇵🇸

"We are not numbers" is a call for us, as well as the world who does not care, to remember the profound and complex human reality of every single Palestinian who has been killed or is currently suffering at the hands of"israel" and the usa and the uk and the west. every Palestinian is an entire universe.

every Palestinian life is just as precise and nuanced as your own.

they are all people who have friends and family who love them, hobbies they enjoy, goals they are chasing, hopes for their future, special moments they cherish forever, relationships with others that transform their lives....

they have pets, they enjoy sports, some love to cook for others and themselves, some love history or science or art or music or languages or agriculture, some are devout in their religious faith, some are passionate about teaching or strengthening their local community...

they want to have families of their own and were excited to share their family's traditions with their children and grandchildren, some are going to get married, some are still working up the courage to confess to their crush...

they have allergies, they have disabilities, they have special personal rituals they use to relax and de-stress after a long week, they have a favourite book or song or movie that always makes them laugh or cry in the best way, they have a favourite meal or drink or snack that always soothes their soul, they have a favourite place that always makes them feel at peace and happy...

Palestinians are just like you. Palestinians are not just numbers.

Every single Palestinian deserves to live their lives in full, with the freedom to live their life as they choose without fear

every single Palestinian who has been killed has been robbed of that inherent human right to life this torment, this discrimination and dehumanisation, this genocide must end.

We must never forget this. we must keep fighting for their liberation, an end to the occupation, and right to live

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areislol · 2 years ago

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i see you.

neteyam x human! reader

ft— neteyam warnings— angst to comfort, heavy on angst, jealousy, characters are aged up to 19, neteyam and reader are best friends but they like each other, long. a/n— title was originally meant to be ‘heart to heart’ but i changed it so yea, hope you guys enjoy this because it’s (i think) my first fic solely based on angst to comfort :)) synopsis— within all your time with neteyam you’d always forget, or pushed away the thoughts and knowing's that neteyam would leave you for a woman, his (future) mate, so when your friends pushed the idea that he may have already found his mate you find yourself all alone, realizing that the one person you love the most will never be in your grasp, breaks you.

Neteyam. That was the name of the man you oh so loved, the name that would always make you smile, the name that you would often repeat, the man you adored with your whole heart and who you had nothing but affection for. The man who had you swooning over him, the man who always flooded your thoughts with him. Him, him, him. He was your bestfriend, someone you could always talk to when you were feeling down, someone whose shoulder you could cry on, someone who always made you laugh, made you feel comfortable, whose smile never failed to console you or make your knees weak, someone who could always protect you. Neteyam would always be there, when you cried, when you felt sick, when you just didn’t want to go out. He’d cheer you up with horrible jokes, give you actual, good advice. Ene of your favourite things about him is that he always remembers the little things you tell him—god the list could go on and on. You always cherished those moments, wanting to relive every single time you spoke to neteyam, braided his hair, hugged him. There would be times where you thought that maybe, just maybe, he liked you as well. How he, instead of laughing at you when you accidentally fell, brushed the dirt off your face, asking if you were okay and placing his hand on your back to make sure you were stable, or that one time you almost fell off a large log over the lake but he caught you just in time and how his hands never left your arm and waist. Those moments never failed to get your hopes up high, but sooner or later you knew, or realized, that it was just a gesture of kindness. You knew that the na’vi could never date a human, it would be outright.. i guess you could call it, weird, but that didn’t change how your heart felt about him. You loved him with your whole heart, he was the light of your life, he was the missing puzzle piece in your life, he filled your heart. You loved him so much that there would be none left to protest, he always will have a strong grip on your heart, but of course at the end of the day you would never know if he felt the same way towards you. You were different, obviously. You were human, which meant you had different features (that were distinguishable), the na’vi had different beauty standards, different than the human’s. Which meant that most likely, you weren’t attractive to him and would never be. Your heart ached with that awful, gut-wrenching feeling when you considered the possibility that the person you loved the most would never think you attractive. Neteyam himself was handsome, beauty that was out of this world that made many women swoon for him, you see many beautiful, gorgeous na’vi’s giving neteyam sweet smiles, necklaces, anklets and treats, of course this would just be them being kind to the future olo’eyktan, but it wasn’t. Not when they all knew it was time for him to choose a mate. All you ever did was stand there, watching neteyam as he kindly accepted their gifts and smiled in return to which you could always make out a purple-ish hue appearing on their cheeks with a dreamy smile on their face, that same gut wrenching feeling would slowly but surely make its way, making your stomach churn. You were never the one to get too jealous, maybe there and then but not every time you saw a woman look downcast, giggling while placing her hand against neteyam’s chest, talking about whatever they were talking about since you always too busy focusing on her hand placement. Your brows would furrow, a frown creeping its way onto your face without you knowing. Neteyam had a smile on his face as well, you mistake this for a “haha im enjoying this” face, what you don’t catch is how uncomfortable neteyam looked and felt, how he wanted to push the woman’s hand away and hiss while telling her not to touch him, but that would be too harsh and rude for a olo’eyktan. You missed how his eyes hurriedly scanned the area to look for you when you left (feeling saddened), how his face dropped and politely excused himself to go look for you. Every thought you had of neteyam with his (future) mate, every time you talked with neteyam a woman would walk by and give him a small wave and a sweet, sweet smile, too sweet for your liking. You knew that sooner or later it would be time for him, neteyam, to find his mate, but you couldn’t bear the thought, so what did you do? push them aside. All the thoughts and knowing’s were pushed aside, you instead focused on distancing yourself to you-know-who, and it pained you whenever you saw him coincidentally, your heart aches when you always had to turn around and walk away, pretending that you didn’t see him. You knew that there would be no more room for you, no more late night talks, no more talking with neteyam, no more seeing him. You no longer cared about the truth; instead, you distanced yourself from neteyam, you didn’t want him to find his mate, you wanted him, you wanted to spend every second with him, it was selfish and foolish of you, you know. But it can do no wrong can it?

As you make your way to the classroom, you take out your notepad and begin to sketch up the scene in front of you. There were towering, strong, healthy trees everywhere, vines draping from tree to tree, exotic plants and bushes everywhere—there was definitely a lot of green—and you made sure to photograph every little thing you could. After a while of walking, you eventually arrived at your classroom, maybe a few feet away. You stop, hold up your notebook, look at your sketch, and mutter a "ew," before grabbing your bag and putting it inside. Suddenly, you heard someone running towards you, and before you could look up, you felt and saw a little girl tightly hugging your waist, followed by a few other people rushing to your side and hugging you as well.

When they all pull back you close your bag, they all gave you bright smiles, "well that's one way to welcome me!" you giggle, ruffling the girls hair in a playful manner, “come come!” a girl spoke, looking down you see her yanking your clothes, pointing to the classroom, giving her a nod she holds your hands, "lets go y/n!!" she beamed, giving them a nod they pull you to the classroom, you almost stumbled a few times due to how fast the girl was pulling you but you didn't mind, you never did. When you entered the classroom you saw all your students sitting at their desks, patiently waiting for you. "Good morning children!" you speak while placing your bag on your desk, the children that were by your side now ran to their desks and sat down, eager to learn. "Good morning y/n!" they all yell, upon hearing them greet you back you gave them a bright smile, “hey! you remembered! great job everybody.” The lesson went on as normal, you would give him phrases and words to learn and you would help them pronounce the words correctly, helping them hold their pencils when they forgot or had trouble, giving each student a golden star on a chart, even if they didn’t learn as quick as the others. While on break you sat at your desk, writing down some words that the kids would be learning once the break finished when you heard a knock on the door, placing your pencil down you turn to face the door, “come in!” you yell, once you saw who was at the door you turned back around and continued writing. “What a nice way to welcome me, y/n.” Iönia said sarcastically, walking over to where your desk was and sat on it, her tail whipping some of your paper which resulted in them falling down, “sorry, hello Iönia, what are you doing here?” you sighed, putting your pencil down, picking up the papers before staring up at her, “eh, nothing. Just wanted to see you is all.” they reply, giving you a shrug. Humming you give her a nod, neither you or lönia spoke up, but the silence was then broken after lönia spoke again, “hey i have a question?” she speaks but this time she lowered her voice which intrigued you, nodding she continues, “is there any particular reason why you’ve been..” she pauses. You tilt your head, wondering why she stopped speaking. “Is there any particular reason why you’ve been ignoring neteyam?” lönia continues. Your eyes widen once she finishes her question, you didn’t expect her to notice, or anyone really, but then again, you were always by his side, always talking to him. If you weren’t next to him people would notice, you guess. You’re caught off guard with her question but finally snap out of your trance after hearing lönia repeat your name many times, “y/nnnn? hello?” she questions, waving her hand around in front of your face, pushing her hand away you clear your throat, your head downcast, “no why? i’ve just been busy..” you answer. Lönia gives you a brief hum, waving her hand around as she explains to you how everybody had notice that neteyam has been quite saddened lately, how he looked dissociated without you, more dull, a smile barely even appearing on his face, only giving a faint smile when he has to greet people. Your heart breaks upon hearing this. Neteyam? acting like that because of your actions? at that very moment you detested who you were, you hated what you did. You made the man you loved, hurt. You stayed silent, mouth agape. Lönia stays silent as well, not uttering a word, that is until the says something that makes your heart drop and ache. “Well, who knows? you haven’t talked to him in forever, maybe he moved on, found a mate.” she utters, you quickly looked up at lönia, your face contorted into a look of both shock and sadness, your eyes darting from lönia to her side. “Mate.” that word, that simple yet horrifying word. Mate, mate mate, mate. Neteyam found his mate? the thought of him holding another woman’s hand, smiling ever so tenderly at her made you dizzy. Lönia placed her hand on your shoulder, gripping onto it which prompted you to focus on her, “y/n, please just,” she sighs before removing her hand from your shoulder, “just talk to him, please? he has been awfully.. what was that word again? depressed was it?”, you give her a small and slow nod. Hopelessly sighing, she said her goodbye’s and left the classroom, you jumped upon hearing the door slam shut. You spend the next few minutes thinking about what she said, about how he may have already found his mate, that you might have to talk to him. Yet again, you knew that you would never see him, talk to him, catch a glimpse of him ever again, if he did find his mate already. Your mind was filled with all the possibilities, what would happen if neteyam found his mate already.. suddenly you heard the children run into the classroom, you could hear the many giggles and laughter coming out of them as they all ran inside the classroom, some still standing and talking to their friends, some already sitting down, waiting for the lesson to begin. Clearing your throat you caught the attention of the students, they all stopped talking and the ones that haven’t sat down, was now. “Everybody, lets continue now, hm?” you ask, clasping your hands together. All the children simultaneously nod their heads eagerly. The lessons went about normally, when it was about 2 pm you told the students to pack their supplies and to “practice the words before dinner”, you packed your things as well and once everybody was ready you unlocked the door and let the children go out first, stepping out of the classroom you shut the door behind you and lock it. Walking, you held the hand of a little girl who was skipping happily with a smile on her face, you couldn’t help but smile as well. Once you reached to an area where the children would be picked up you waved and said your goodbye’s to your students and walked off to your site. The whole entire time you were walking to your site there was only one thing that was on your mind, neteyam. Both negative and positive thoughts swarmed your mind, you were thinking about him too much that you didn’t realize where you were stepping and tripped over a log. Your eyes widened as you realized that you were going to fall. A thud, then followed by a groan, rolling on your back you clutch your arms and wince from the pain, opening your eyes you look at your arms and realize that it was red, really red. It looked like a rash. Groaning you sat up and ran your fingers through your hair to get rid of the leaves and dirt stuck on your hair. “Now i have to go to see mo’at..” you mumble before getting up, you wiped the dirt off your clothes, cursing under your breath as you trudged through the forest before finally making it to where mo’at would normally be at.

“Be more careful next time, and make sure to look where you’re going.” mo’at lightly scolds, placing some herbs on the redness, you nod and sigh, “yes i know..” you reply, your head fell downcast. After that silence descended upon the room, and to say the least the silence was way too loud for your liking. “Neteyam would not like it if you were to always get injured. He would also not be pleased to hear that you got hurt today.” mo’at stated while giving you something to drink, hearing mo’at mention neteyam’s name made your heart skip a beat. After clearing your throat, you take the cup out of her hand and start to drink it. This provided you some time to ponder your response to what she had said. You set the cup down and look at mo'at, who was waiting for your response patiently. You opened your mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. You briefly felt as though you had lost your voice. "I-" you paused. Your throat felt dry, and you were certain that your voice would be hoarse if you spoke. When you abruptly stopped, mo'at raised an eyebrow. She observed your face, trying to read your emotions, but one thing was clear—you were conflicted. “What is troubling you?” mo’at questioned, the voice lowered upon asking you that question, your head fell downcast, you’re unsure if you want to tell her, she was a great person and would give you useful advice but then again, you knew what she was like. She wouldn’t like to have her grandson, the future olo’eyktan dating a mere human. You weren't one of them, you weren't na'vi, you weren't as strong or courageous as they were, but you were strong, brave, and kind in your own human way. Finally making up your mind you apologize muttering a quiet ‘sorry, but no’ before politely excusing yourself just to take a breath. Mo’at says nothing, only watching as you leave, closing her eyes she prayed. “Eywa, please help them.” As soon as you left the room, a chilly breeze brushed against your skin, it instantly made you shiver, the moon shined ever so brightly, the stars adorning the dark sky, it was like you were beneath a blanket of stars. You felt as if you were appreciating the view more, more than before, you always and always had appreciated and loved the world around you, but today you felt immersed in this feeling, loving the night sky more. “Y/n?” you hear, you recognized that voice, it was kiri. Turning around you see her striding towards you before stopping after she was a few inches away from you, you give her a faint smile before speaking, “what are you doing here kiri? shouldn’t you be with your family?” you question, raising your eyebrow at her as she chuckles, “yeah i am, but i overheard you and mo’at. I’m sorry for listening in but y/n, are you okay?” You know when you’re not doing fine but you don’t tell anybody, and when somebody notices and asks if you’re okay you feel those tears threatening to fall? well that was you right now. Your hands clench firmly, your knuckles turning almost completely white. Instinctively you nod, to tell her that you were fine but both you and kiri knew deep down that you weren’t. Kiri inched closer to you, placing her hand on your shoulder, “you can tell me anything, sister.” kiri stated, her voice sounded so genuine that you confided in her, you were strong, you always held in your feelings, thoughts, every negative feeling was buried deep inside of your brain, somewhere deep enough that you would forget it, but you never did. You always bottled them up, but right now, you just wanted to spill it all out. It was like an overly filled up bottle all spilling out rapidly once the lid was removed. Kiri sat you down with her sitting down beside you, her hand was still on your shoulder, rubbing your shoulder it lightly. You blurted out everything, everything you felt, everything you saw, how you were so fed up of concealing the truth, how you wanted neteyam all to yourself but you knew that it could never happen, how you were selfish, how you were foolish. You confessed how much you loved neteyam, how you felt jealous whenever a woman would come up to him and laugh while touching his chest, it was infuriating, rambling, was infuriating. There was so many things you wanted to say, so many things you wanted to get off your chest but if you did, you would be saying one thing over another. When you sobbed, choked, and rambled, kiri listened carefully and made sure to rub your hands whenever you breathed shakily. By the time you were finished, you knew you looked like a mess; your cheeks were stained with tears, your eyes were slightly red from all the crying, and your hands were slightly wet from wiping your teary eyes. Both you and kiri stay silent, the only thing that you two could hear were your sniffles. After a bit kiri squeezes your hand, prompting you to look at her, you would never dare to look at anybody after crying, you knew what a sight you would be if you did, but you did anyways. Kiri gives you a sympathetic look “sister, you must really like my brother, huh? well i’ll tell you this.. neteyam-” “Kiri! dinner is ready!” neytiri yells, beckoning kiri to come over to her, kiri stops talking and looks over to her mum, she rolls her eyes, “coming!” she replies, you look over as well, you and neytiri make eye contact, you give her a small smile to which to smiles to you as well, but you notice how her smile seems to fade after looking at you, did she notice that you were crying? When kiri stood up you whipped your head back and grabbed onto her arm, “neteyam what?” you whisper while squinting your eyes, instead of a proper answer kiri gives you a cheeky grin before responding to your question, “you’ll have to find out by yourself sister.” and with that she runs over to neytiri before slowing down and walking to her home. You’re left there, all alone with only the stars scattered across the night sky, your mind was only on one thing now that wasn’t neteyam, what kiri had said. you’ll have to find out by yourself? what was that supposed to mean? did you have to literally go over to neteyam and talk to him? if so, no way. During overwhelming or hard times there was only one place you would always go to, the tree of souls. You would go there whenever you felt like rambling to someone who wasn’t there, well, physically there, and today it felt like the right time to go there, it was night so the tree would be glowing brightly under the night sky, it would be even more beautiful.

You sat down beside on of the roots, looking up at the glowing pink and purple tendrils that fluttered from the cold breeze, even though you weren’t na’vi you felt so connected to the tree of souls, not as connected as the na’vi’s of course. Any species would fall in love wit the tree of souls.

You stayed in that position for what felt like hours, talking to the tree, spilling all your feelings to her. The more you professed your feelings to Eywa the more you felt your tears threatening to fall, your vision was beginning to get blurry, you could feel and see your tears building up in your eyes, your nose stinging.

Before you knew it tears were streaming down your cheeks, your sobs and sniffles echoed through out the forest, those sounds would get anybody’s attention, especially the attention of those that recognize them, and unfortunately it did.

You were still sniffling when the person crept to the tree of souls, you were too preoccupied with thoughts neteyam and other problems, and you failed to notice that somebody was a few feet away from you, but you would realize when they spoke, and who they were. ”Y/n?”, with the sudden voice you perk up, quickly drying your tear stained cheeks with your hands but stopped when you realized who spoke, it was neteyam. That one man that you loved, the one you would give your heart to, the one you avoided, was standing right behind you who probably heard your sniffles and cries.

Your face flushed when you realized that neteyam was here with you, but after remembering everything that happened these past few weeks and today, you frowned. You wanted to answer him, to run up to him and be embraced by him but you couldn’t, you were too embarrassed, after everything you did, he did not deserve you. Neteyam was hurt as well, his heart ached every time you ignored him, when you turned your back on him. How he barely ever saw you, and whenever he did, you would be gone the next second. He wished he could go back in time to see what he did wrong, he wanted to go back in time to fic up whatever mistake he did just so he could hear your laughter again, to hear your voice, to feel you hugging him, to relive whenever you braided his hair or laughed at his horrible jokes, he wanted you. He wanted you back. So when he sees you sitting down next to the tree of souls, sniffling and still ignoring him his heart pangs, and this time instead of letting you get away, he’ll confront you, question you. He wasn’t angry at you, he could never, he was angry at himself. Angry that he couldn’t make enough time for you, angry that he did not try to talk to you, try to ask for help, he was angry at himself. Neteyam watches as you shrink, trying to make yourself appear smaller, to be invisible. This time, instead of walking away from his problems he takes initiative, he walks closer and closer to you and once he was a few inches away from you he speaks again. “Y/n.”, this time it’s more stern, nothing like him. You fight your urges to look at him but to no avail. You turned your head to face neteyam who stood tall, looking down at you. That was when neteyam noticed your red, puffy, teary eyes, your dried tear stained cheeks. He had known that you were crying from your sobs and sniffles but seeing you in tears and in a mess had a grip on his heart. He hated it. Neteyam’s gaze softens, he crouches down to where your faces meet, you avert eye contact but his voice brings you back, “what.. what happened?” neteyam asked, his voice was so soft, so gentle it made you want to cry again. You missed his voice, you missed him. “Nothing... What are you even doing here?” you reply is a small voice, sinking down as you felt embarrassed from his gaze. Neteyam knew you were far from okay, to comfort you he placed his hand on your arm, prompting you to look at him. “I was just walking by.. but what is wrong y/n? why are you acting like this?” he questions, looking into your eyes, eager to know your answer. “What is wrong? why am i acting like this? why don’t you ask your little girlfriend why!” you blurted out angrily, seething. You had no idea why you answered in that way, but it just came out, you as well as neteyam were both taken aback by your response. Your face falls when you realize that you just screamed at neteyam, who was only trying to help. Guilty. that’s what you felt at this very moment. “Wait- neteyam, i’m- i’m so sorr-” you stutter before getting cut off by neteyam, “what do you mean? my girlfriend? what girlfriend?” neteyam asks, his voice filled with confusion and curiosity. You ignore his question, instead, you thought about what he said, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit relieved that he doesn’t have a mate. “Is this what the ignoring me is all about?” he asks, raising his eyebrow. You avoid eye contact, too scared to even meet with his eyes, you were scared of what he was going to say next, what he was feeling, you were scared of rejection, and when you (finally) did look at him you yelp and your heart almost skips a beat, he was close to your face, closer than he was before. You gulped, your palms were sweating, that was for sure, you have been close to neteyam sure.. but not this close. “Y/n.. i.. i have to tell you something.” he stated in a hush tone, his hands slowly making its way to yours. Your eyes widened from this interaction which neteyam chuckled at, why was he getting so confident out of the blue? your body tensed up once you felt neteyam’s much larger hands over yours, “can i?” he mutters, you give him a nod. “I did not expect you to believe such a silly rumour, y/n,” he starts, your eyes darted away from his, embarrassed you was. “But that’s not all,”, you look back at neteyam, “y/n, as you know i am the next olo’eyktan, which means i have to find a mate.. and i have already found a mate.” When he delivered the final phrase, your heart stopped. The one thing that made you all like this, the one thing you wished never needed to know, the one thing that terrified you had finally come true, neteyam, the man you love, found his mate. The news absolutely broke you, looking down you muttered a small “oh” before congratulating him, he gives you a confused look in response. There it is again, the silence that always consumed you. “But that woman must choose me, na’vi or not.” neteyam declared, you froze, ‘na’vi or.. not’? your brows furrowed, the only non-na’vi person that would hang out with him was... the realization suddenly dawned on you.. you. You were human, ‘na’vi or not.’, you were always with neteyam, the man who was literally confessing to you right now. A deep red hue appeared on your cheeks, your heart was pounding rapidly, neteyam’s gaze never left you, “I chose you y/n, i always have, you are my mate.” neteyam commented, “but the others..” you spoke, “we will make the others that don’t understand, understand. Y/n, i chose you. Do i have to prove myself?”, his answer catches you off guard, especially what he said last. A grin made its way to your face, using your other face you cupped his cheek, “maybe you do..” you reply, giving him a cheeky grin. Now it was neteyam’s turn to be embarrassed, he has been pretty bold up to now. Seeing his reaction you giggled and caressed his cheek with your thumb, a purr. You froze for a second, but seeing how much he loved it you continued. You were always so scared, scared that neteyam would leave you one day, scared that he didn’t feel the same way, scared that he would not have enough time with you, scared that all those fun and loving days with neteyam would soon just be past memories and that you could never relive them. But you could now, you could relive those moments and create more. But now, you were just happy, happy that he was finally yours, neteyam was ecstatic as well. You were his, and he was yours. You two could finally stop hiding your emotions after so many years of doing so, and instead of daydreaming and fantasizing about the things you two wanted to do together but couldn't, you could really do them now. Every kiss you two wanted, every hug, every braiding session you two wanted, it would happen. Everything you and neteyam wanted to do together, you could now, and nobody was going to stop you two from loving each other. Neteyam leaned in closer when he suddenly picks you up causing you to yelp, chuckling, he sets you on top of him. He’s seated down with you on top of him, his hands on your waist to prop you up (just like neytiri and jake..), your mask was touching his forehead, and how neteyam wished you didn’t need that stupid inconvenient mask of yours.. but he suppresses his urges to yank it off but he doesn’t in the end, you do need it after all, to live. You giggled as his tail swayed side to side, tickling your thighs, neteyam had a dreamy smile on his face, this eyes twinkling playfully, sighing, his grip on your waist tightens before saying the three words that you always wished he would say to you and only you, “I see you.”

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another note: AGAIN. thank you all for 1k!! im super grateful for each and every one of you guys. i have a few event ideas in mind.. anyways, i hope you guys enjoyed this! i think this is my first fic i’ve written that doesn’t involve bullet points/hcs like in forever. also i proof read this but i feel like i didn’t do a very good job at it so... any mistakes? just ignore... UNLESS it’s about how there’s a fem pronoun in the fic, please tell me!!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

#avatar x reader #neteyam x reader #atwow #avatar the way of water

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voidsteffy · 3 months ago

Text

Anand (S/O Satyamurthy) x fem!OC

A/N: Um so hi 🧍🏽‍♀️Please read this and lemme know how you like it in the comments. This man is my pookie bear, and also this movie plays on the tv whenever I ask for it to ok? This is My Movie. And also @mahi-wayy asks and I deliver again, what can I say🤗 btw, timeline may be skewed ignore that, it fit that way. No trigger warnings except the mention of death. Not proofread.

Word count: 2.2k words

More than grief, grief of a person who they know dying an untimely death, everyone’s face he saw outside his house that day had a glimmer of joy. Joy of his family’s downfall, which would mean they had something to gain from it.

Coming out of that room, having written off all the assets to save his father’s honour, it was the first time Anand had felt truly alone. There was a family depending on his every step now. His mother who saw her husband die ; his brother wasn’t himself after the death and his sister-in-law who was truly herself at the moment - strong and stern ; his little niece, the innocent girl who still couldn’t understand why her grandpa hadn’t come home for dinner.

“Amma…” he sat his mother down. She didn’t have any interest nor want of grandeur, but what he did was going to all but drag them onto the streets. “I had to sign away all the properties. They asked me to claim bankruptcy but I couldn’t drag his name through mud.”

She nodded, suddenly older than he’d remembered leaving her, and held his shaking hands.

“Nandu, your father was Satyamurthy.” (dignified man who tells the truth)

He didn’t have it in him to smile, but years later, he’d look back to that moment and find some courage to smile. “Was. And always will be.”

He planned to sit there until someone called him, until someone needed more from him than his signature. But from the bustle in the house, one voice suddenly stood out.

“How dare you manipulate my client into this trap?! Don’t you realise we can move the court for untimely misrepresentation of information? Just because you’re benefiting from—”

“Listen here, Mrs. Lawyer. If you think I’m standing here in this house by my own free will, think again. I stood no benefit from the shitshow that just took place in that room. I simply gave him his options and—”

“And who are you to give him options? Don’t you think I’m unaware of your motives here Mr. Sambasiva Rao. Henceforth, whatever communication you’re to have with my client, will be through me. I’d suggest you leave these premises unless you want me to drag you and your friends here for their claims of bankruptcy in the past.”

It was a confusing day for Anand, but for a moment he could think of something other than death, debt and his future.

“And it’s Miss Lawyer to you sir! Get out of my sight!”

The owner of the angry voice rounded the corner of the living room, and walked straight into Anand.

“Swapna?”

What was she doing here, fighting battles in the hallways?

She’d changed, from when he last saw her. Her brows were furrowed, nostrils flared from the argument, and her eyes outlined generously by kajal that gave her a divine resemblance. Hair almost falling out from her unkempt bun and files and papers held close to her chest, Swapna re-entered Anand’s life in his favourite dark teal sari.

“Nandu.” she froze.

Maybe she was unnerved by the stoicism on his face or the cluelessness when he asked “What are you doing here?”, that she beckoned him to sit immediately.

“Hey… How are you?”

“I could be better.”

“But you didn’t choose to be better, did you?”

Her accusation, he realised quite quickly, was gentle. He sighed, “What are you doing here, Swapna? Really…”

“I’m the family lawyer, I need to execute the will before anything can be surrendered as debt paid off.”

Anand looked up, imagining his father’s all-knowing smile.

What have you planned, Nanna?

Swapna was the first and last friend he remembered making. Every other friend in his life just came and went, but Swapna… he couldn’t forget her if he tried. Her father, despite being too young to be a father and as much of a successful businessman as he was— shared a faint friendship and acquaintance with Anand’s father. With both her young parents working during school years, Swapna stayed back at Anand’s house more often than not. She was more of a favourite in his house than he himself was. She always had the depth of oceans in her heart when she spoke, the world on her shoulders. Always a serious and loyal daughter, law student, friend and as time went on, his girlfriend.

They didn’t specifically share it with anyone, and no one suspected anything intimate going on with them, nothing different from the normal familiarity. They were each other’s warm embraces and without realising the gravity of his plans, a young Anand already had a diamond ring hidden deep in his cupboard meant for the love of his life.

She had been fidgety and moody after graduating, but Anand chalked it up to fear of the future, and anxiety about revealing their relationship to their parents.

Until the week after her graduation from law school, she was invited to Anand’s home along with her parents for something important.

His parents wanted Swapna to be married to his brother.

Anand hadn’t known about the proposal until it was staring him in the face as a wedding invitation card in the middle of his living room.

Instead of a yes, the entire house sunk in silence, Swapna standing at the centre of it with a guarded ashen face.

“Forgive us if we were too forward amma,” his father smiled sheepishly. “We’ve always thought of you as a part of our family, and became eager at the thought of you being the daughter of this house.”

It was true. Anand saw the emotion behind his father’s statement. But he also saw his brother’s refusal of this proposal. He loved someone. Anand knew this because he had met that sweet, stoic someone just a day ago when she had proposed marriage to his brother.

Swapna had tears in her eyes, shaking hands wiping it away fervently before she shook her head.

“I’m sorry uncle, but I don’t belong in this house.”

She’d looked right at Anand after she’d said it, and she walked away from years of friendship. Years of being with each other, from this house she felt like she didn’t belong in.

Behind her, her parents apologised and left him to pick the pieces of his mother’s and father’s broken hearts.

The day after that, Swapna had flown to Australia for her post-graduation and left Anand behind. With the ring still back somewhere in his cupboard, buried beneath years of friendship and excuses for her.

“Hello!”

“Hello?” his sister-in-law’s stoic voice clicked him out of his anger. All that rage that had been boiling within him melted his bones and his legs felt like jelly.

Anand crumpled into the nearest chair. “Ah, hello. Vadina…”

“How are you, all okay? You sound like you’re stressed,”

He snapped his fingers at Param, gesturing him back out from all the earlier plans of leaving. Life had a way of reminding his purpose lately, and it always seemed to squash him more than humble him.

“Nothing like that vadina! How are amma and sweetie?”

“We’re doing okay—”

“The wedding will be done in a few days. We’ll pay the school fee the minute I come back.”

“I didn’t call for that mister.”

She didn’t sound wounded. Three lakhs was not a small amount to have not stressed about. Instead, in her serious reply, a tinge of concern touched him. Seemed like a part of his father lived on in her. She wasn’t infinitely kind like him, or perennially smiling, but till this day he felt like he left his mother at home with his father. Nothing would happen to anybody because vadina had his back.

“But that’s what I came here for.”

After a few instructions on keeping his health from deteriorating any further, his sister-in-law bid goodbye. He was left to accept green flowers and a lot of stupid nonsense from the old man parading around the mandap. But Anand would do it. For his family.

After the party with the groom and Pallavi’s social friends, he sat there at the half-built mandap in the dark after hours, ID card twisted around his wrist like a tourniquet, a reminder of why he was doing this job.

Anand didn’t need a reminder of what whirlwind life had been lately, but bringing Sambasiva Rao to the same wedding he was incharge of was fate’s cruel game.

“Nandu…”

For the past few days, ever since he had called Swapna to look over his contract with Bhadra after realising it was Pallavi’s wedding, she hadn’t left the venue. He behaved like he didn’t see it, but Param and Sameera were somehow always near her to chauffeur her or check on her necessities. If she noticed the special treatment, she didn’t say anything. They began to get closer, bridging the silence of all the years she was away with a conversation here and there while she helped him with stuff way above her paygrade. She didn’t mind, she said, not if it gave her an excuse to talk to Anand.

So that evening, when she approached him like he was a panicked deer, he couldn’t help but give a small smile.

“Hi.”

In seconds, there was a cup of warm coffee in his hands.

“For the hangover. I got it when it was hot actually. But I couldn’t find you that easily.”

“Really? Where did you look?”

“The edge of a cliff for starters.”

A laugh bubbled out of him, which made her crack a smile too. She never could bear it if Anand was moody. She took the change in his demeanour as encouragement and continued with a dramatic sigh.

“And then the bar, and then under some classless businessman’s classless booted foot.”

“So that’s where you found me.”

“Nope, no luck there either,” Swapna’s skirt swirled as she turned about and sat down beside him, “Because you got out from under it.”

It took Anand but a second to remember that for a long time, they had depleted their woes just being there for each other.

No one had been there for him in a while.

“Sameera told me what happened, she feels bad.”

“If I had a buck for everytime someone felt bad that something embarrassing happened to me, I’d have enough money to pay my bills.”

“She’s not someone though,” Swapna offered, “She’s Sambasiva Rao’s daughter.”

“Oh great, now the one friend I’ve made over here is cruel by blood.”

There was no rebuttal from Swapna. It was almost 3 in the morning and the nearest light was a blinking lightbulb somewhere far near the welcome carpet. It was just them, shoulder to shoulder, but Anand felt Swapna slip away like he hated to see all those years ago.

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

She shook her head, “No, no you didn’t… I’ve just been wanting to tell you something about Sambasiva Rao.”

“Okay?”

“And everytime I try to pluck up the courage and tell you, it just ends up feeling like the wrong time and then I don’t end up telling you which brings us back to the same—”

“Swapna…” his fingers shushed her lips, rough and calloused just like they were back then. He was closer now, and he whispered like he was okay with her panic. “The time is right now, it’s ok, tell me.”

“Nannu maa parents dattata theeskunnaru,” (“I was adopted by my parents.”)

His brows furrowed.

Swapna rolled her eyes, “Oh my god, speeches you can make, but where’s your mind when it comes to connecting information? Nandu!” she whisper-yelled to continue their conversation. “I was adopted as a kid!” she looked at him like he had to make a comment about it, he assumed.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry,” he hit his temples like he was begging his mind to work, “Sorry! When did you know?”

“The day I graduated…”

He paused. Wait, that meant—

“That was why I rejected the proposal that day… Anand, all those years ago, when I said I didn’t belong with your family, that was because I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere.”

Anand wrapped his arm around her, and like it was muscle memory, her head rested in the nook of his arm.

“So you didn’t hate my family?”

“No! When you weren’t picking up my calls, I called your parents and told them about everything in detail. Aunty said she’d tried to make you talk to me many times, but you hadn’t agreed.”

That was right, and Anand felt his muscles clench at how close he had been to getting her back. If he had just thought about his mother’s requests, then he would have talked to Swapna and gotten the love of his life back. He wouldn’t have been away on his bachelor trip when his father died.

He hesitated, taking in the information when something clicked.

“Wait, what does that have to do with Paida?”

“Because he’s my birth father.”

The world all but gave way under his feet, and Anand wished he could blame it on the alcohol. Swapna didn’t make a big note of him being still quiet, assuming he was just processing what to say.

“So, you singular friend - Sameera is my sister, and by that connection… We’re both cruel by blood if you look at it that way.”

Anand looked up at the stars.

What is this Nanna?

A/N: So.... tada? There can be a part two of this if y'all don't shoo me out of this site after reading this. Also, notice how only his mother and Swapna call him Nandu.

#manu writes #son of satyamurthy #south indian fanfic #indian cinema #indian fanfic #allu arjun #desiblr

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