#chillest dude you’ve ever met

[notmrskennedy]

had a real neat conversation w my coworkers about religion where my one coworker informed me that he grew up West Virginia Pentecostal with the snakes and tongues and such like sir

you told me about crawling 18 miles in the snow w a broken knee

and the time you were shipwrecked for five days at sea

and finding TWO dead bodies in separate rivers

and NOW you grew up in snake charmer churches?????????

[slymewitch]

@f4y3w00d5 you have been my closest friend on the site. I love rping with you and your morally ambiguous characters and just goofing around with you in general. And even outside of rp, you’re one of the coolest, nicest, and funnest people I’ve ever met. Thank you.

@the-gnomish-bastard if it werent for you I would never have even started talking to people. You allowed me to rp with you even though I was new. Thank you for your service as a bastard. I strive to be more bastardlike every day if it means being like you. Thank you.

@combustion-wizard you were my first wizard mentor. I would not have participated in wizardblr nearly as much if not for you. You made me feel truly welcomed into the community. Thank you.

@aileaxthevoidien I know we don’t talk all that much but every time we do is an absolute joy. You are a super nice and cool dude, and your OC is amazing. Thank you.

@monsterfucker-research-wizard not gonna lie I was scared of you for a while. But once I started talking to you, you were super nice and cool! I always knew you were cool of course don’t beg me wrong, but I felt like I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with you. But you were completely open and accepting of me when I want to do rp stuff and that means a lot. Thank you.

@villainessbian you are my newest mentor, and you’ve already taught me so much about tapping into my inner evilness, (/pos). Jokes aside, you have give amazing advice have legitimately taught me a lot. Also I lied, your puns are funny. And your glasses are amazing. Thank you.

@ashen-the-tiefling We didnt really talk that much until recently, but now that we are, you’re one of the chillest people I’ve talked to here. And I am honored that you chose my OC to date your OC. I still remember the recipe for gold you gave me. Thank you.

@thatgayforkcrow you always know what to say when Im feeling down, and you’re really great to talk to. Also you’re like, REALLY stylish. Thank you.

@evil-wild-lesbian-wizard you taught me how witchcraft works, you didn’t hex me (even though I kind of wanted to be for science), and you promised not to kill my friend when you invade Canada. Also you’re really chill and funny and I love talking to you. Thank you.

@lixorloveslicorice you are one of THE nicest and most supportive people Ive ever met. Ive said this before, but you are the reason I felt comfortable opening up here, and felt like I could overcome my anxiety long enough to make some friends. THANK YOU.

@drew-bard-for-hire Ive only really started talking to you recently, but you’re so amazingly supportive and nice and I like talking to you. Your character is so fun and cool and you’re just a cool person to talk to. You understand my problems and never judge me. Thank you.

@nebulaaaaaa I followed your blog for a while and thought you were really cool, and it turns out I was completely right, except you’re even cooler! In the span of 3 days you’ve become one of my closest friends here. And you’ve introduced me to so many other awesome friends. You are awesome and amazing. Thank you.

@tranny-physiccs Its getting hard to come up with different ways of saying “nice and awesome and cool and supportive” but you are nice and awesome and cool and supportive. And we’ve only known eachother for like a day! And in that time you’ve been an amazing friend already. Also you have based opinions on Adventure Time and birds. Thank you.

@gobodegoblin I am so excited to learn how to speak goblish. Your backstory is so cool and even though we’ve only hung out once I would love to again sometime. Thank you.

@transbian-arsonist I don’t know you very well at this point but you like sneks and thats important. I look forward to becoming good friends :3 thank you.

You have all made my short time (so far) on this hellsite amazing and the most fun Ive had in a very long time. And I look forward to the many many years I have yet to spend alongside you, and the many friends I have yet to meet. My mental health has gotten far better because of all of you. For the first time in years, I dont feel afraid to talk to people. And I owe it all to you.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

I love you all <3

Mutuals Loving Hours

Okay this might be a sappy so...beware as I gush about my mutuals!!

I have so many things I want to say to everyone, so much I would love to tell you face to face. So many reassurances and encouraging words that I would have to write a list just to remember everything I want-- what I need to tell you. I would give anything to be able to make you laugh and enjoy your smile, admiring the way you light up. I'd make an ass out of myself just to watch your smile widen. If I could, I would grab those weights from your shoulders and throw them into the great lakes, never to be seen again. I would stand by your side as we watch them drown from their own weight, never to get that satisfaction of dragging you down with them.

You're a damn good person, whether you believe it or not. Your creations, the things your pour your heart and soul into are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can feel the love and joy you used to intertwine those ideas together, I can see the excitement on your face as you share your creations.

You are one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I don't care if I haven't seen your actual face, or if I don't even know your real name. You are stunning. Stunning like a star that threats to burn your eyes the longer you look at it. But I'd be okay with loosing my sight, as long as you're the last thing I see. I know I'm just a stranger to a lot of you, but I still care! I will always care and you will never be a burden. Sometimes I might not be able to help you like you need, but I'll be damned if I don't try.

I love you, you made my void a little less empty.

<3

[veniteme]

Hunting for Gems

season preview

ash island x reader

prev | next

When Ash Island is forced to participate as a producer for the latest season of Show Me the Money, he knows it won't be easy. But when his partner is you, a rising producer from H1GHR, maybe it won't be as bad as he thought.

2k words

As you stand before the door to the waiting room, heart thudding loudly in your chest, you think back to when the KIFF boys were in your studio eating cake a week ago.

“What am I supposed to do?” you slap Rohan’s arm vigorously as you panic. “How am I supposed to act around him?” The rest of the boys had already left, allowing you to freak out in relative privacy.

You’ve been an avid fan of Ash Island since his days on High School Rapper 2. Once he started releasing music, your infatuation with him only increased. When Jay informed you that you’d be working with him for the entire season of Show Me the Money, your brain immediately worked itself into a frenzy. On one hand, you were excited to meet someone whose music you loved. On the other, how were you expected to function properly next to him with the entire world watching through a camera?

“Okay, first thing you need to do,” Rohan starts, “is stop hitting me! You may be weak, but if you hit me enough it starts to sting okay? And second, just be normal? Act how you usually do.” He makes it sound so easy, as if you won’t die on the spot the moment the two of you make eye contact.

“That is under the assumption that I am able to think with him sitting next to me. And alright, let’s say I am actually capable of saying more than two words in his presence, what if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m weird or annoying?” You’ll be crushed if this person that you’ve admired for so long decides he doesnt like you.

“Then he’d be a good judge of character?” You hit Rohan even harder. “Ow! Relax, I was just kidding. Look, I’ve known the guy for a couple years now, and he has no right to call someone else weird. Plus, he’s one of the chillest guys I know. You’ll be fine. From what I’ve seen recently, the only time you need to be worried is when the cameras are on.”

“What do you mean?”

-----

While you stood outside the door, Ash is inside, staring nervously at the production crew setting up the cameras. Unlike you, he is not nervous about the two of you meeting. He’s worked with countless artists, featured on so many songs, he is used to interacting with people he didn’t know. What actually scares him is having to be a functioning human being in front of all these cameras.

He’s never done a such a big production like this, never seen so many cameras all pointed at him, capturing his every move. Thinking about all the eyes that will be watching him through that lens gives him anxiety. Normally, he’d be drinking right now to take off a bit of the edge. However, he doesn't think that would help with this cold bad boy image he is already starting to have. On top of being a jerk, the public will then think he was an alcoholic.

Just when he thinks he'll burst from nerves, you decide to walk through the door, a welcome distraction from all the thoughts running through his head.

-----

The first thing you see as you walk in is the production crew. All you are filming today are some short interviews to introduce the producer teams. They’ll be airing it as a teaser for the new season. You bow your head in greeting to the staff as you head to your seat. And that’s when you see him.

The two of you make eye contact, both looking up at the same time. And then you freeze; your brain short-circuits and for a second, all you can do is stare. Ash Island, the guy whose songs take up a good chunk of your playlist, is sitting there, right in front of you.

You break out of your stupor when you hear his voice. “Hey, what’s up?” he says casually. And you realize you’re being incredibly rude to someone who is older and a senior in the industry.

“Hello! I’m Saf. I’m a producer for H1GHR Music,” you introduce yourself officially.  

He chuckles a bit. “Yeah, I know. We’ve seen each other at the H1GHR-Ambition parties.”

“Right,” you say nervously. And you guys had met before, but you didn’t think he’d remember. He was always across the room or on the opposite end of the table, so you two never really interacted. In fact, this is the first time you’ve heard his voice, and not through a song on your phone.  

“So did you want to sit down?” he asks. You’ve just been standing in front of him for a while.  

“Oh!” you immediately take a seat. Now what are you supposed to say? Thankfully, he decides to fill the silence.

“You're friends with Rohan right?” he asks. Not really who you’re thinking about at the moment, but you'll take it.

“Yeah, I am. We're in the same crew,” you explain. “Why, did he say something about me?” you ask, feigning nonchalance. If Rohan said anything remotely embarrassing about you to Ash Island, you were ready to kill him.  

“Oh no, I just remembered him drunk-dialing me last night to wish me luck on the show.” You laughed, making a comment about how dumb Rohan was sometimes. And that’s how the rest of your conversation went until you started shooting, sharing dumb stories about your mutual friend.

-----

SHOW ME THE MONEY SEASON X

Team ASH ISLAND x SAF Q&A

The two are seated side-by-side in front of the camera. Ash Island is looking quite stiff and uncomfortable, while Saf has an easy smile on her face.

Please introduce yourselves.

After a glance at Ash Island, Saf begins her introduction with a bow.

Saf: Hello, everyone. My name is Saf, I’m a producer for H1GHR Music.

Following her lead, it seems Ash Island takes his first breath since the camera started rolling.

Ash Island: Hi, guys. I’m Ash Island from Ambition Musik.

Did you two know each other before the show?

Saf: Well, of course I don’t think there’s anyone interested in Korean hip hop right now that doesn’t know Ash Island. But we’ve also seen each other in passing at events and parties and such. This is my first time really talking to him though.

As she talks, Ash Island appears to loosen up just the slightest. He directs his gaze to Saf when he speaks.

Ash Island: [to Saf] You… can just call me Ash.

Saf looks at him in surprise, her cheeks just the slightest shade darker, undetectable to most.

-----

“WHY DID THEY EDIT IT LIKE THAT?” Rohan’s obnoxious laughter in the background is only furthering your agitation.

“Come on,” Rohan lets out between spurts of laughter. “That had nothing to do with the editing. Don’t tell me that wasn’t exactly how it felt when he looked at you.”

Unable to refute his claim, all you say is “Whatever.”

“Did they have to put in the romantic background music and CGI cherry blossoms though?” you complain.

Ignoring your best friend’s following fit of laughter, you begrudgingly hit play once again.

-----

“Duuuuude I didn’t realize you were so smooth!”

“Our Bition Baby is all grown up!”

“You can just call me Ash,” Changmo repeats in a sickeningly sweet voice.

“What are you guys talking about?” Ash asks, only slightly annoyed that his labelmates had interrupted his studio time. He wasn’t making much progress today anyway.

“Did you not watch the Show Me previews last night?” Hash Swan asks.

“No, I thought I’d avoid the embarrassment of seeing myself on national TV,” Ash replies. He was there when it happened, he didn’t need reminders of how awkward he was on camera.

“Alright, you have to watch this,” Leellamarz says, pulling up the reposted video on Youtube.

-----

You guys are the youngest producer team in the history of the show. Do you feel pressured by this fact?

Saf: [to Ash] Do you want me to answer this one?

He looks at her and nods wordlessly. She smiles at him in return before addressing the camera.

Saf: Of course, working next to such big names and artists can be quite intimidating. But I think as long as we put out work that we can be proud of, I will be satisfied.

Saf: But I would appreciate it if the viewers would look kindly upon us as it is our first time on this show. I’m kind of a wimp; I think I’d be pretty hurt if I saw we were receiving hate comments.

Saf’s smile indicates she’s only joking, and the production team can be heard laughing behind camera.

Ash: I doubt anyone in their right mind would send you hate.

Saf: Why not?

Ash: All you do is sit and smile and release music. What could anyone possibly say about you?

Saf: …I’ll take that as a compliment.

Ash: It was one.

-----

“I hope you know that if you break her heart,” Changmo starts, “I’m petitioning to kick you out of the company. I am NOT risking losing an invite to AOMG-H1GHR parties because of you.”

Ash rolls his eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, dude. Glad to know you have so much faith in me. But also, chill out. I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“Yet? So you are planning on making a move?” Hash Swan questions. Ash sighs. Why are these guys reading so much into everything he says?

“No, I am not making a move, I barely know her,” Ash refutes. “She’s just a producer that I will be working with for the next couple months.” That day was the first time he’d ever talked to you. There is no reason to get excited about anything just yet, even if he does think you have a nice smile.

“Come on, Ash. She’s not just a producer,” Leellamarz points out. Ash is a bit wary of where he’s going with this-

“She’s a very cute producer.” -and rightfully so. Ash really can’t catch a break with these guys. They all burst out laughing, and Changmo gives Leella a high-five.

“Whatever,” Ash mutters. “Why the sudden interest in my love life anyway?”

“Wow, you’re not even gonna try and deny that you think she’s cute?” Hash asks. This guy is way too observant.

“I have eyes. How am I supposed to not think she’s cute?” Ash says bluntly.

“You know, contrary to what you may believe, not everybody has to find her cute,” Changmo says, mostly just to tease him. “Maybe she’s just not my type,” he shrugs.

“Yeah, that’s because she’s actually nice,” Ash retorts. “And we all know that isn’t your type.”

“That’s never been your type either, Ash, so why the sudden change of heart?” Leella asks.

“Maybe I’m looking for a change of pace,” Ash says with a noncommittal shrug. This is all hypothetical anyway. It’s not like he’s planning on asking you out or anything. He just thinks you’re cute, there is no reason for the guys to make such a big deal out of it.

“Yeah, well be careful. You’re going to make some very scary people mad if you mess around with her,” Changmo warns.

“Please, the H1GHR guys are like literally the nicest guys on the planet. I think I’m safe,” Ash says.

“That’s not who I’d be worried about if I were you.”

-----

a/n: let me know what you think!! was the official show part too short? are there parts that sound weird/awkward? first time writing full fics so i'm always open to feedback!

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

okay. this is a post about a new character, who is a person in the same 'verse as the main one for Robert and Isabelle, sci-fi and spaceships. she is a pastor in the one specific "limits on technology" religion I made up, but also, she is very cool. she does not live on their main terraformed colony, she lives in another colony with some definite cultural differences.

I am mostly posting this for my own future reference. there are definitely people who will enjoy Gwendolyn a lot, even with the extensive trigger tag situation here, but I think "a short story that has space for more nuance" would be a better venue for her than "my thoughts from Skype at 4AM"

if you do decide to read this, check the tags first, please

shoutout to @anonymus-maximus-er for being my thought partner on this.

but as I understand it now, there are, like , degrees of Intensity in Church Of Man

like, even their chillest followers are kind of intense about it because it's hard to be real, real chill about "god said we were only allowed to use these specific fifteen technologies" or whatever the exact rules are

but as far as incubators go, Aimee's community, the one you saw, would definitely have been like "well, too bad God wants that baby to die" and there are some other communities which would be more like "okay, probably make sure your baby does not die, do what you've gotta do there, but don't come back and talk to us afterwards"

and also for sure there are communities like "do literally whatever you have to do to make sure your baby does not die, we will be here with whole-made casseroles when you're home again"

and like, could some of those kids have benefitted from subsequent quality-of-life stuff they didn't get? probably, yes

to varying degrees

but hopefully Aimee finds a nice community where she can be like "this is so important to me but my babies and I experienced a bunch of technology in order to not die and we got excommunicated."

and they're like "wow that sounds like a lot of Not Your Fault would you like some whole-made casseroles and toddler clothes?"

and she's like "I got excommunicated" and they're like "did you know, perhaps you didn't, that there is no Central Authority for every Church Of Man church in the galaxy? there for sure is not! the people from New Maryland often pretend they are, but we didn't vote for them! your old pastor is just not at all the boss of us, is the thing"

that is the future epilogue I want for Aimee

I feel like the Tau Ceti Church of Man community is small and some people think they're weird, but they're nice neighbors. their pastor is a woman named Gwendolyn or something who is just constantly mad about Richard Brinton That Fucking Asshole

she has never called him any of those words because of decorum, she has just spent a lot of time talking to new people like "wow you seem very traumatized did you know he is not the boss of us?"

"we don't have a pope!"

"we've tried to have a council a few times, but it's logistically complicated"

"every church is supposed to make its own rules in accordance with the texts"

"yes, I have read every single one of his missives to the world, I know which bits of the Texts you probably have memorized, here are some bits I like a lot"

Gwendolyn has some opinions

like, churches are supposed to set their own rules about "necessary" technologies and she has quietly labeled almost all life-saving medical technology "necessary"

meanwhile, Brinton thinks it's necessary for him to have access to telecommunications equipment to he can send his editorials all over the galaxy, so people can be Educated

huh

of course, he does not actually physically touch the telecommunications equipment, he keeps like four people who know how to use it around so they can spread his word, but also, huh

the thing about Gwendolyn is that she has spent a long time watching traumatized New Marylanders join her community, many of them quite young and quite traumatized

also, she was never a New Marylander, she is fourth-generation Tau Ceti, which, crucially

means that her first set of principles is "Church Stuff, Misc" and her second set of principles, right there after the first is "you're not the boss of me"

even if somebody could point to actual scripture that said they were the boss of her, she would have some trouble with it, but some dude! who cannot point to anything at all! no justification whatsoever! nothing in the texts even a little bit! keeps trying to be the boss of her! and also keeps traumatizing all of the people in his community pretty badly! and making everyone else look like jerks!

"I'm more conservative than you, therefore, I am the boss of you"

NOPE

not for Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn votes in every local election and votes for her Senator, who she has met and quite likes. she occasionally goes to protests when the local government does some dipshit thing, but the Tau Ceti local government is pretty well-behaved because if it's not the citizenry will absolutely be like "fuck you, you're not the boss of me" at its government

she has some Very Big Opinions about debtor employment. she's not thrilled about the like, severity of the gang situation in her city, but she doesn't have a lot of optimism that the Government is gonna fix it, so she does community groups instead

also, in recognition of the fact that she can't just throw these traumatized New Marylanders right off into the personal autonomy deep end she is like "okay, if you need someone to tell you what to do sometimes, I will be the temporary boss of you until you are ready to be the boss of you"

she does not Love that aspect of her job, but sometimes you gotta

you can't bring people from "obedience all the time" to "you must make every choice in your life with no backup" overnight, they'll just collapse in on themselves or become targets for worse people

so she does the thing

she and Brinton have a <very> passive aggressive correspondence going as church leaders

there are many many long letters back and forth

they are very polite and also, if any of them are preserved, historians will find them fascinating

"wow these people just fucking loathed each other"

Anonymus, 5:05 AM

your obedient servant, A. Burr

5:05 AM

if they did not live on separate planets, legitimately maybe

like, if she could get to Brinton's house on a horse to yell at him in person, she would have by now

she didn't swear a lot in real life, but sometimes she wanted to

she got real good at saying "that man" or "sugar" or "nonsense" in A Tone, but you could tell

I can't decide if she has a husband or a wife

Aimee's church definitely thinks gay people are Modern and therefore Wrong, but like

I feel like probably their specific religious texts don't even have that much on being nice to people? like, there's definitely a few pages on like "kindness is an ancient value, we hold fast to ancient values, these are them"

but it's like 70% Rules Minutiae

it's also not a super long book

so everybody has very different opinions about how to interpret the Rules Minutiae in light of the 30% of the book that's like "here are our actual values"

"modesty" and "fidelity" are both in the Ancient Values bits for sure

and I feel like different denominations went in different directions on the "modesty" and "fidelity" implications of "gay people"

no, I've decided, Gwendolyn definitely has a wife

show her in the actual rules where she can't have a wife

yes, fidelity, that thing she has with her wife

Anonymus, 5:13 AM

can the wife be a very proper rebbetzin?

organises all the casserole chains

5:14 AM

yes, she can definitely organize all of the casserole chains

5:18 AM

right

Gwendolyn's wife's name is Tara and she came from an Earth Church of Man community where they were like "technically it's not illegal for you to be gay, but, like, ehhhh? we'd rather you didn't and also you definitely cannot have children if you're gay"

5:20 AM

and she got to Tau Ceti and met Gwendolyn who even in college was like "show me in the texts where it says I cannot have a wife."

"show me."

Anonymus, 5:21 AM

sounds like excellent breeding ground for Very Textually and Theologically Conversant, but not actually a religious authority

5:21 AM

the thing is, Tau Ceti is Bad At Authority

if they had a motto on their coins it would just be "you're not the boss of me" but maybe in Latin

but maybe not even in Latin because people who know Latin often think they are the boss of you

Anonymus, 5:22 AM

WHO MADE U KING

5:22 AM

for real

I think there is a dude who is technically the "boss" of Gwendolyn and they take turns giving the sermons and calibrating which parishoners they support based on like, communication styles in a way that often ends up with just all of the women and queer folks being Gwendolyn's people

she is smarter than him, he handles all of the Local Politics things that require you not to go "EXCUSE me, where is the LAW ABOUT THAT"

Anonymus, 5:24 AM

different type of smart

5:24 AM

if he ever tried to pull rank on her, she would either be so startled that it would work or she would unhinge her jaw and eat him

so he's never tried

he doesn't want to! very few people on Tau Ceti even want to be in charge, both because it's like herding cats who will hate you if they catch you herding them and because the finely honed distrust of authority doesn't go away when you become authority

Anonymus, 5:26 AM

"I'm pretty sure I'm up to some bullshit"

5:27 AM

yeah, Gwendolyn spends a lot of time with these sad transplants from other communities, nearly all of them women (because for SOME REASON women tend to get excommunicated WAY MORE OFTEN. HUH. are there ADDITIONAL RULES for WOMEN? I DON'T SEE ANY)

and they're like "please I am so sad and scared just tell me what to do"

and she wants to be like "I am not the boss of you, you have to be the boss of you" but they often are not ready for that, so she just tries to get a sense of what they want to do or what might be healthiest for them and tells them her strong recommendation is that they do that thing

everyone in her community knows she is passionate and can get fired up about some of this stuff, she doesn't hide that, but also, there are some conversations she (a only has with her wife and also (b has had with her wife a number of times

they are basically "our community is like 55% traumatized exiles from other communities and like 30% traumatized people from This One Dude's Community specifically. he traumatizes women and girls and girls he calls women and gay people and parents with sick babies!"

"we have so so many people we take care of now who are so so shaken and traumatized and sad"

"and we only get the people who don't leave the faith entirely!"

"it's not fair! it's not fair that he gets to do that! it's not fair!"

because when you carry the faces of like twenty good people all traumatized by the same garbage person and all you can do is try to take care of them and send passive-aggressive letters, sometimes it sucks!

if they lived on the same planet and she could get there on a horse, she would have done something ill-advised by now. yelled, certainly

but then again, if she had been born on New Maryland she would be a super different person and if he had been born on Tau Ceti there would have been a hard upper limit on how much he could get anyone to listen to him

like, bad bullshit happens on Tau Ceti, but the first time he married a fourteen-year-old girl off to her rapist, his neighbors would have set him on fire

church of man neighbors, regular neighbors, possibly neighbors who are criminals, just all the neighbors

5:37 AM

so her wife listens to her cry and reads over her letters to Brinton to make sure she doesn't actually say anything Too Impolitic (I think her boss also reads them, but he's less invested)

and her wife has these new folks over for dinner and helps them find clothes for their kids and adapt their modesty rules to the thing where it's like, as hot as it is possible to be in Tau Ceti

5:38 AM

like, most of the summer it's like 120 degrees, on a brisk day in December it drops into like, the low nineties

5:39 AM

sometimes people from other communities are like "we do modesty more modestly than they do" and they have to be like "okay, your choices are us dressing this way or us using air conditioning, because people do die in real life of heatstroke sometimes, that is a thing that can kill you"

also, even before Gwendolyn came along, her previous pastor was definitely like "we're gonna make electric fans permissible. we're just... heatstroke sure does kill you in real life"

"particularly in Modest Dress"

she liked him. they had meetings like twice a month when she was young because she had A Lot of questions and her parents were less invested in the answers than she was

when she was like twelve, he was like "maybe they'll give you my job one day" and she was like "I don't want your job! you're the boss of people!" and he was like "they very much would not give you my job if you wanted my job, kiddo"

(even 50% of the organized crime leaders on Tau Ceti are like "hey, I'm not the boss of anybody, I'm just a guy you don't want to fuck with because of all of the friends that I have got"

"I am not the boss of you, but I do have this gun")

5:49 AM

final thought on Gwendolyn: she had a real hard time when Robert Thompson died, because that dude thought her faith was a good reason to murder a husband and father.

and like, that dude is a fucking asshole, obviously, but it's hard

and then Brinton puts out an editorial about it and it is the only time Gwendolyn and Tara's children ever hear one of their mothers swear

because she is usually super meticulous about that

but also, sometimes

there is a limit

she makes several attempts before she writes him her next letter and the subtext of the entire letter is just "fuck you SO much, I do not generally believe in Hell, however, I will make an exception"

there is a limit! a man is dead and his wife and daughter are grieving and then a dude who everyone thinks is, like, the pope of her puts out some bullshit like "of course we don't do hate crimes but also that dude who got murdered deserved it" bullshit

there is a limit she is past it!

5:53 AM

also, they have seven adopted kids

[awsugar]

i think it’s stupid that you have enemies on tumblr, you’re literally the nicest, chillest dude. honestly, a lot of big blogs (esp some mcr ones) often come off as pretentious and it feels like they think they’re better than ppl who have different opinions then them but i have never ever gotten that vibe from you. you get like 1000 asks a day, and still manage to answer each one with the same care, 1/?

you answer questions people have without making them feel bad they don’t know it, not to mention you’re like a mcr historian! i feel there are some blogs that if they had met frank or one the boys as much as you, they would let it go to their heads, but you’ve never done that! even though 2/3

i never got part 3 but you’re so sweet! i used to have a bad attitude and people would tell me i was rude to anons so it’s nice to know that i come off better now. it makes me feel good to share the mcr knowledge with people lol :’) some people think it has gotten to my head and i’ve been told i come off as braggy but like. if it was anyone else i think that they’d want to talk about their experiences too. anyway thanks! :)

[alrightinbed-betterwithapen]

Clever Little Things — Part One — David Dobrik x Reader

A/N: hey guys so this one’s based off an awesome ask! I’m writing my asks a little slower at this time (and taking sometime away from Datalie until inspo comes back) to ensure better quality. I’m also turning this one into a series. Lemme know if you have any ideas of where you want this story to go. Anywho, thanks for taking the time to read, love ya!!

Masterlist

Summary: You don’t like David, and he plans on changing that.

Anon Asked: Hey !! Love you're writing, nobody ever does my requests so hopefully u can break that pattern :-), can u do a david x reader where it's an enemies to lovers sort of thing, where he's really charming and smug to her and like a huge flirt and she kinda just rolls her eyes and tells him to fuck off (maybe it could be a series??) Thanks !!

——

David fucking Dobrik.

Fuck that guy.

Yeah, you said it. Repeatedly and sometimes out loud. You couldn’t give a fuck about YouTube’s resident golden boy. You have lived in California far too long to be impressed with young, ridiculously wealthy men and their expensive cars. David seemed like a guy who fell face first into a vat of luck and wore humbleness like a cloak, hiding who he was underneath.

You were bound to run into him around Hollywood, your job as a freelance editor had you working with a ton of people in the industry he dominated. You had once preferred working in TV and film, but when a girl named Gabbie reached out to you, getting your info from a colleague, you were yanked into the YouTube world. Gabbie loved your work and had given your name out to all her influencer friends. The calls came rolling in.

Hey, it was a paycheck. These viral sensations actually made bank, and you were getting a more steady source of income from them than you did at any other job you’d worked in the city of angels. It even led to a pretty long contract job at a decent media group. Where you had to attend events and mingle and really learn about the world you were working in. It was mostly good.

But David, he fucking annoyed you. Whether it was hanging all over Instagram models for clout, or holding up the entrance line at a club to take paparazzi around his car, laughing and playing it up to an extreme, he fucking irked you. You had made the mistake of following him on Snapchat, one of his stories accidentally rolling over from a friends; he had two bleach blondes screaming about merch and then the camera flips around to his smug face telling you to swipe up. Yeah. Fucking. Right.

In your mind there were the Paul’s, Ricegum and David Dobrik: the premier fuckboys of YouTube.

So, there is no way you’re actually going to call Jason Nash about becoming his steady editor. You tell Gabbie as much over coffee.

“But, it’s a job, like long term and well paying... and he asked me about editors I knew the last time I saw him. Plus, if you last for a while, you can put that shit on your resume. And he’s great, like the coolest, chillest dude ever,” she’s explaining, trying to win you over. She had told you all about his kids and ex wife, how stressed he was. And that he could pay big money because he was racking in the revenue from his relationship with Trisha Paytas. Still, working for one of the vlog squad basically meant working for David, and you weren’t interested in that at all.

“Yeah, no. I’m sure he is, but the vlog squad? C’mon. Why would I do that to myself when you noped the fuck outta that mess years ago,” you tell her, sipping on your latte.

“Because I’m not an editor, (Y/N). It’s not like you have to hang out with them. You just hang around Jason and edit his shit. It’s not that complicated,” Gabbie says, looking at you like you’re dumb. You roll your eyes at her.

“Maybe I don’t want to be associated with David Dobrik and his loyal servants when their party comes crashing to the ground. You know it’s coming. He’s the next Shane Dawson expose for sure,” you ramble, “Like, Dobrik is the next Jake Paul. At least that’s what I get from his Snapchat’s, does he do anything but try to sell his shitty hoodies? And prank people until they cry?”

“Yeah. He gives people cars all the time.”

“PR move!” You yell, a little too loudly for nine in the morning at a coffee shop. Gabbie jumps a little and brings her hand to her mouth, shushing you. Ignoring her, you continue, “Yeah, it’s sooo genuine, Gabs. ‘Hey guys, I sent my friend to the hospital last week for a poorly thought out, unfunny stunt. This week I’m buying my assistant a car! No motive, no PR team screaming at me from the sidelines. Nope, I’m just a super awesome, humble guy who appreciates the people who obediently follow me around like a puppy so I can make content that’ll have 16 year olds everywhere buying my shitty merch!’ Gimme a break.”

“Holy fuck, I know you’re a cynic, but you have gone full pessimist lately,” Gabbie laughs at your impression, shaking her head. “They aren’t bad people, (Y/N). David isn’t either, he’s just young and rich and a little dumb. And Jason is probably the most down to earth one of them. Just think about it.”

“Ugh, fine. Fine, just no more talk about it. How’s your book coming?”

You change the subject, firm that the phone number she programmed into your phone will never get any use.

——

Then Defy Media goes under and Clevver, the main source of your rent lately, is done. You are out a decent paying job and next months check, you are royally fucked. Staring at the number in your phone, bent over on your couch, your thumb hovers.

You need the job. You want work, being at home with nothing to do all day makes you stir crazy. But all your points listed out about this still stand.

Fuck it.

You type out a quick message to Jason about Gabbie and his need for an editor with a link to your reel. You press send before you can talk yourself out of it. Then, it’s a waiting game. You’re scouring the internet for job postings when you get a message in return.

Hey! I’m so glad you hit me up. I desperately need help and would love to have you as my editor. Your reel is great! Can you meet for coffee in like 2 hours? I’m behind already and we can talk logistics.

You’re shocked. He must be desperate if he’s hiring you sight unseen and already getting you to work. But it’s a saving grace and more than you could of wished for. You’ll get a paycheck sooner and not have to worry about eviction. You let him know that’s fine and arrange a place.

The meeting goes well, Jason is a cool dude who doesn’t seem as wound up as your usual content creators were. You agreed on a wage (like 35% higher than your last gig, fuck yeah) and got to understand Jason’s edit style and post dates.

What didn’t shock you about the job, but you were hoping you could circumvent, was that you would be working closely with Trisha and David, as Jason often traded footage with both of them. And unlike Jason, they both edited their own vlogs because they had either, fewer responsibilities in their lives (Trisha), or were anal about their edit and wanted to do them personally (David). Great, great, great.

A jobs, a job though. You’ve survived working with some shitty people in your time and honestly didn’t think you’d have any problem on your hands.

——

There are problems though.

Yeah... there are a couple.

——

The first is Trisha. Well, she wasn’t a huge problem, but an obstacle. She was super insecure (you knew this going in) and the first time she came over to Jason’s and you were chilling on the couch, finishing up a vlog, things got tense. She knew you were hired, but she hadn’t met you before. You’d introduced yourself and shook the woman’s hands, wearing your usual editor getup of jeans and a giant hoodie, no makeup, hair not really done up but presentable enough for the public and giant headphones, to tune out the world around you.

You think that helped you because Trisha made a comment about how you were at least not trying to look good for Jason. You laughed at that, and looked her straight in the eyes with meaning behind them, and maybe a little intimidating,

“You couldn’t pay me into retirement to sleep with Jason.”

She’s taken a back for a second and you both look over to the man. You say no offense softly as the man shrugs, but don’t apologize or try to take it back. Trisha just snorts and says she likes you, claws retracting and a calmness returning to the room. Jason looks like a bomb’s been defused and ever grateful for you.

Bullet dodged... hopefully.

——

The next problem is David...

He’s actually the rest of the problems you have with your new job.

See, Trisha got over her bullshit pretty quickly and began texting you once a week for specific footage with Jason. She would describe them well and stay on the phone while you found and verified the clip, and then you’d send them to her. No muss, no fuss. She was an editor’s literal dream.

But, David fucking Dobrik was a nightmare.

Constantly texting you about clips from things that weren’t recorded, but he’s “sure they were because Jason was holding his camera like it was recording”, or waking you up in the middle of night to make sure you weren’t using a certain song for a montage or outro because he was going to use it in the next week.

And that was besides the ridiculous amount of times David was reminding you not to post certain things that were gonna premiere on his channel first. Like, yes, it’s fine to tell you. If it makes David feel better that you’re hearing it from him and not Jason, FINE. But to text you every post day, over a dozen times? It was a fucking joke and has been going on through week four of your new job. And you’d had enough. You’d mentioned it to Jason, but he’d just shrugged it off as David being David.

Well, fuck David.

You’d never even met the man in person at this point in time, but he was living up to every one of your terrible expectations. That’s when the 14th text comes in, as you’re exporting Jason’s latest vlog and just leaning back to relax on the older mans couch. That’s also when you snap, hitting the call button on the text and calling the douchebag.

“Hello? (Y/N)? Why are you callin-,” he starts after a few seconds of waiting for it to connect.

“Hey David! Nice talking to you finally and not just reading your utterly demeaning and demanding text messages!” You start in, just letting loose all the irritation he’s caused you over the last month. “Super appreciate the literally DOZENS of messages you leave me on post day, not to mention in the middle of the god damn night the rest of the week. I’m glad you understand what an invalid I am and how the constant texts actually do help me! It’s absolutely not a slight to my four year education and years of experience in my profession. Or the fact that I do heed your words the FIRST time I hear them, because it’s my literal job. A job I have that actually doesn’t revolve around you. Crazy, I know!” Your voice is just dripping with sarcasm at this point. In your brief pause you can hear a soft, amused breath from his end of the call. It doesn’t stop you at all.

“Anyway, I just wanted to call and let you know how productive you’re making me, and thank you! I really don’t know how I would function in my chosen career without your undying, unrelenting, un-asked for guidance. Hope the vlog that just posted meets your standards! Leave a comment if it doesn’t. Just please, please don’t text me about it.”

And you’re slamming the end button before he can respond. You look up and Jason is standing in the entrance way to his living room, jaw dropped. And all he can say after lifting it off the ground is,

“I didn’t know he was texting you in the middle of the night! Yeah... fuck him.”

You’re glad this ends with you both laughing and not you being fired.

——

“Your editor’s got some mega fucking attitude, dude,” is the first thing David says to Jason, picking him up in the Tesla the next day. Jason just starts cackling at that.

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t text her in the middle of the night. Most people’s work schedule doesn’t extend to 3am, Dave. And I thought she had quite a few points. Like, she works for me. And she does in fact know how to skillfully edit my shitty vlogs,” Jason’s laughing this out and is glad to find David just as amused.

“I wasn’t expecting to get ripped a new asshole is all. I was in an Uber to some event and Natalie heard the whole thing,” David replied, kinda sheepishly.

“You’re just butt hurt that there’s someone in this world that doesn’t give a fuck who you are and is willing to talk shit to your face. And that now Natalie and I know someone put you in your place,” the older man retorts, pointing at him accusingly before going on, “I’m not reprimanding her for having enough of you. She’s doing great AND Trisha likes her. Fuck off dude. Just text her less.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t give a fuck who I am?” Of course this is the part of what Jason was saying that David focuses on.

Shaking his head, he explains, “Well, she knows who you are and is absolutely comfortable enough to basically call you a dick within the first month of being my editor. Also, Gabbie told me the first time we talked about her that (Y/N) hates working for the bigger creators on the platform, and that she thinks they’re all materialistic and out of touch assholes. So, you know, I thought she would be a perfect fit for me. I’m basically nobody. But you? There’s no love lost there from the beginning, but she’s obviously professional enough to keep from snapping on your ass for like a month. I don’t know, Dave. What? You want me to force her to care who you are?”

“No! That’s not what I meant. I guess I just figured-“

“Sorry, dude. Not everyone loves our golden boy. But she’s not a mean person. She’s never even mentioned it. This is what Gabs told me forever ago. Either way, she doesn’t have to be blown over by you to be my editor. Right?”

“No, yeah, right. I guess I didn’t think I was bothering her. I’d always hit you up the same amount.”

“Yeah, but we’re friends. She works for me. It’s different,” Jason’s explaining as David nods along, eyes on the road, thinking.

(Y/N) doesn’t like him? Everyone likes him! YouTube world or not, David was charming as shit. It perplexed him, stirring uneasiness in his chest. This was just going to be a challenge in his eyes now.

She doesn’t like him? That’s fine. She will though.

David guar-an-fucking-tees it.

——

David Dobrik sends you an apology Edible Arrangement. The good kind, all chocolate covered fruit.

There’s a card attached that says,

Jason’s last vlog def met my standards, so you obvy don’t need my help. I’ll stop being such a dick.

(See? I didn’t text you.)

-D

It makes you laugh fucking hard.

You find it a little endearing but also, yeah, you deserve an unhealthy Edible Arrangement. He probably has a contact at the fruit company for appeasing all the people he steps on to run his empire. You’re not special, but the thought is at least there. Whatever. He had stopped bombarding you with texts and had been much more polite in general, so you were more than fine with the whole situation now.

You had hoped this was the end of it.

——

It wasn’t.

——

[ali-enby-moved]

42069

at that number:

Ok but you’re so cool dude you’re like. One of the chillest people I’ve ever met and you’re a funky little gay and I support you! Also your art and edits are really good and seeing how much you’ve improved on them since we met is rEALLY COOL but just in general? I love you a lot and your like a brother to me so fucking superb you funky little bean

[beware-the-red-menace]

5 and 10- the minute them

5. Are they a light sleeper?

Red is a Very light sleeper, unless they feel safe.

Then they’ll be out like a corpse. They’ll look like one, too. They randomly stop breathing in their sleep and their skin, hands and lips especially, will start turning cold and blue-green. It’s fine though, don’t worry about it.

10. Are they very highly strung?

They are either the chillest dude you’ve ever met or the highest strung motherfucker you’ve ever had the displeasure of being in the same room with. And they can change between them randomly like hitting a switch. Good luck.

@the-minutethem (i remembered to tag you this time) 

[inthestarsman-blog]

January 30th, 2018 - My fear still sees when my eyes are closed, but the blame's on me this is the path I chose. Trigger warning.

I will pick up where I left off. This is on my phone so it may be shit with spelling mistakes and what not because my internet is fucked atm and I want to write.

So I arrived at this treatment facility sometime in June of 2014. This whole time is blurry so forgive me please for any unexplained gaps. When I got there, I was fucking terrified. This place was beautiful though, what with their beautiful desert foliage, multiple outdoor and indoor fountains, and boy I thought MY bed was comfy. I had no idea. Two guys to a room, and all my roomies were cool as shit. The first guy was a big dude from Georgia. We talked cars, music and drugs all night sometimes. He ended up telling me if anyone were to fuck with me, to let him know. Cool man a bodyguard! (I'm skinny remember?)

The next guy was a big fucking bodybuilder guy. He was well off as he sold insurance. He was the chillest guy in the place. We got along well. The last guy was a dude my age, who shared the same familiar scars down his bicep. He aspired to be a comedian, and would do well to do so.

We walked those halls, beautiful as they were, with an intense emotional and mental stress always mounting. Am I wasting my time here? Will they help Me? Can they fix Me? Nope. The breakfast, lunch and dinner were always high quality. It was quite enjoyable actually.

It was enjoyable until a psychologist pulled me in to give me an exam for BPD. I pass with flying colors. I was assigned 5 antidepressants. Cymbalta, fluvoxamine, welbutrin, xyprexa and another I can't remember. I don't take them anymore and stopped immediately upon leaving..but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

I met some awesome people here. People I still talk to, and others I can't because they're dead. Such is life...I guess..

One of those dead, was the first person to speak to me and offer me words of wisdom when I got there. Found out a year after leaving he had gotten shot on a drug deal. It made me sick. Eventually I got out of there 30 days later and upon exiting the plane, got high. I went with R, from the treatment facility to buy some suboxone, because at that time my tolerance was such that suboxone and subutex fucked me up hard.

I somehow managed to keep it at a minimum though, until I moved in with my aunt. At this time period I was introduced to cocaine. I only bought one bag at this time though, and dosed through work on a Friday.

I went to a friend's near my aunt's for a while, doing pain pills, acid, codeine, Xanax, etc. I met my most recent ex at this point. A new friend, J, invited me to live with her to get me out of my aunt's. I jumped at the opportunity as it was closer to my work and I would be out on my own again. Terrible idea. It wasn't long before J and I were dating. The rules of the relationship? Only be faithful and if I want to get high, she has to be with me for safety because I tend to be reckless.

We fell for each other hard. She was beautiful, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and she was so sweet to me. She took such good care of me and I dragged that relationship through the dirt. When we got into our new apartment she would wake up with me, get an adderall ready for me with some coffee while I showered. She would also start my car so it would be warm, then she would go to the community college and I to work. On weekends and at nights, I made it hell. She has taken a belt off my neck when my face was purple, she has found me covered in blood in the bathroom from cuts down my arms, then she would tend to them. Maybe I craved the care, but since I had started taking a new anti depressant maybe I just wanted to feel. They always made me so numb. Eventually we broke up, for the better. Here's where it gets nasty.

She was gone and I was left with a hole 10 ten miles wide. What was my filler of choice? Literally any drug. Heroin, meth, cocaine, pain pills, hallucinogens, etc. It was every night, all night, then to work the next day; I was an empty shell. I always had bags under my empty eyes, and couldn't function without some substance. Eventually a friend of mine saw how I was, and asked me to come to another treatment center in Florida this time, closer to home.

The night before going into treatment I got completely blasted. Like 5 or 6 drugs to calm my nerves. I don't want to do this again. When I got there, they put me in the eating disorder unit. This was probably best as it was a great many people less than the normal unit. I slept for an entire day before I was able to get up and eat or take medicine. I only got up to smoke cigarettes and to use the bathroom because I was filled with anxiety and depression. All I could think about was J, and how much I had disappointed her. All I wanted to do was leave and get high. Eventually, I was put on two anti depressants. I only lasted about a week in there, as the anti depressants gave me horrible RLS, and I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a position of not being able to sleep, but all there is to do is sleep, but it’s bad. I RMA’d a week after arriving, and was set out on my own. Luckily I had gotten paid my last check so I got an uber to the airport, and a plane ticket home. Again, I got high upon getting home.

[pandplit]

Chapter 4

When Jane and Elizabeth were alone the former, who had been cautious in her praise of Mr. Bingley before, expressed to her sister just how very much she admired him.

“He is just exactly what I’m into,” she said. “Sensible, nice, generous, he’s seen all of Breaking Bad.”

“He’s also stunning,” replied Elizabeth, “which a young man should be if he can. So he’s like the whole package.”

“I was super flattered and a little turned on that he asked me to dance a second time. I did not see that coming.”

“You didn’t? I totally did. But that’s the big difference between you and me. Compliments always take you by surprise and me never. It was super obvious that he was into you. He couldn’t help but notice that you were five times hotter than everyone else in the room!

“Anyway, I like the dude, he’s super nice. You totally have my permission to bone up a storm. And you’ve liked some really, really dumb people in the past.”

“Lizzie! Bitch, please!”

“Hey, I mean, it’s not your fault you see the good in people. You never pick up on the douchey parts. The world’s just this perfect colourful drum circle in your eyes and that’s absolutely fine. I’ve never even heard you, like, insult anyone. Could you just, could you try? Could you just like, say something like, mean about dad?”

And Jane’s like “Uhm… sometimes he… mmm… uh, farts.”

And Lizzie just stares and slow claps.

“I wish you weren’t so quick to judge! And hey, it’s not my fault that everyone’s real nice. I just say what I’m thinking.”

“I know you do, and it’s that that makes the wonder. With your goodness, and to be so honestly blind to the shitfuckery and the bougie nonsense, to be that naively lovely without being pretentious! Mmm. Boys just eat it up! Boys are just, they just really want a piece of that. That’s your gift Janey. You’ve got it. And what about the sisters? You like them too? They don’t seem as nice as him.”

“Certainly not, at least at first, but they are really really nice when you start to get to know them. Miss Bingley’s gonna live with her brother and keep his house and I think we’re gonna be really good neighbour friends.” 

Elizabeth listened in silence but was not convinced. Their behaviour at the assembly had not been calculated to please in general, and by generally being more cynical and way smarter than her sister, and without her judgement clouded too much by attention on herself, she was pretty prone to write them off. I mean, they were great. They were fine. But they were kind of prissy and proud. They were pretty as well, and they’d been educated at a really expensive private school, and were stacking that bread just like their brother, but they seemed to just floss and spend time only with people they could get something from so they just gave off this aura of thinking that they were better than others. They were from a respectable family in the north of England. Something that seemed to mean a whole lot more to them than the fact that their brother’s cheese, and theirs, had been acquired by trade.

Mr. Bingley inherited property to the amount of nearly a hundred thousand pounds from his father who had intended to purchase an estate but did not live to do it. Mr. Bingley intended it likewise and sometimes spent hours scrolling through Craigslist looking for the perfect county or little island to buy. But, as he was now provided with a good house and a sick spot to throw parties, it was doubtful to a lot of people who knew him really well that he would ever buy that island in the sun, and maybe he’d just leave it to the next generation. His sisters were anxious for him to have an estate of his own but since he was now only established as a tenant, Miss Bingley didn’t feel too weird about staying with him. Nor was Mrs. Hurst, who had married a man of more fashion than fortune, too proud to crash with her brother every now and then when it suited her. Mr. Bingley had only been of age two years when he was tempted by an accidental recommendation to look at Netherfield House. He did look at it, and into it, for half an hour, was pleased with the layout of the rooms and the feng shui of the place, and he took it immediately.

Him and Darcy were mad brews and had been for a long time in spite of a great opposition of character. Bingley was endeared to Darcy by his easiness, his openness, his general chillitude, though no disposition could offer a greater contrast to his own. And though, when it came to his own, he never really seemed to wanna change, Bingley respected Darcy and his judgements a whole bunch. Darcy was smarter than he was. Bingley was by no means clueless but Darcy was real smart. He was, at the same time, kinda cold and although he could turn on the charm most the time he didn’t. In that respect his friend had the advantage. Everywhere they went everybody loved Bingley and Darcy was continually giving offence.

The manner in which they spoke of the merit in assembly was sufficiently characteristic. Bingley had never met the nicest bunch of people, the chillest ass dudes, more beautiful super bootylicious babies, and had never rocked around the clock quite as much as he rocked around that particular clock. When it came to Janey he couldn’t think of an angel more beautiful. Darcy, on the contrary, just saw a room full of like grey sludge people that he had not really talked to, he’d not really interacted with. They’d just kind of like glooped around and he walked around them and like, tried not to get their gross stink on his nice clothes. He had paid very little attention to them and they, in turn, had glooped around paying very little attention to him. He did acknowledge that Miss Bennett was pretty hot, but she smiled too much.

Mrs. Hurst and her sister allowed it to be so. But still they thought she was pretty and nice and had no problem with it. Miss Bennett was therefore established as a sweet girl and their brother felt authorised by such commendation to get out his crayons and start drawing crude pictures of them holding hands with love hearts around them.

This chapter was transcribed by the amazing Susan.

[anonforlackofabettername]

12

Mutuals send me a number and I’ll make a post talking about you

So I probably don’t have the spoons for this nor do I have any idea what I’m doing however if I don’t do this now its going to sit in my inbox for the next three weeks until I forget what it’s for and end up deleting it. Again I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with this since its pretty open ended and I feel like I should incorporate the number, so I’m gonna go with a random list of 12 things that’s pretty cool about you. So here goes in no particular order...

1.Your face is pretty chill. I’m a fan of the beard+jewfro combination and your occasional forays into looking like a mountain man/lumberjack or bigfoot when you let your hair grow out and don’t shave - so basically the end of the semester.

2.You give good hugs. We’re a good height for each other so we fit together pretty well when it comes to hugs and you understand the right length for a hug is as long as both parties can physically stand for it to go on.

3.You’re really great about making me feel included even when I’m really not into what the rest of the group is doing. I’ve never felt out of place even though I’m not all that into playing smash, or the roleplay part of dnd, or even the times when I’ve just gotten the urge to hide under a blanket and rp lump in real life instead of just messing w/ ppl in the game. You just accept my weirdness and don’t make me feel out of place.

4.You’re really understanding of when I just can’t. I know I don’t often reach out to you when I’m in a bad mental place but the couple times I have reached out over long distance or I’ve been in a bad place when we’ve been hanging out irl you’ve been really understanding of sometimes I just can’t or I need to go curl up in a ball in the corner. 

5.You’re just generally a stand up person. I know being a nice guy(tm) is generally considered a bad thing because its used by dudes to justify being shitty but you are generally a really nice guy.

6.I like talking to you about fandom stuff. Even though we have wildly different fandom experiences and like different things you’re still one of the few people irl who I can talk fandom and fanfiction too and not feel awkward or weird or like I’m oversharing or the other person isn’t as interested in the conversation as I am.

7.Jumping off the previous point I love the conversations we have. Especially about fandoms, literature, tropes, and the like. They’re always so interesting and I wish that they didn’t have to end even though most of the time they happen when you’re driving me home so there’s a built in time limit. Plus I don’t feel like I have to fight to be heard when you’re talking. I don’t want to name names, but we both know mutual friends of ours whom I have to shout over when conversation gets intense if I want to get a word in edgewise and that can get super frustrating. The two of us, we both have a tendency to ramble during conversation but you’re a good listener and I know that eventually when you’re done making your point I’ll have a chance to make mine.

8.You’re also the person I trust most with my writing, despite how weird that sounds. I don’t write a lot and I’m not the most confident with it (I’m trying to get better at that), but I trust that if I show you something or send you something then you’ll be supportive and constructive if I need it even if its something completely random or for a fandom you have no idea what I’m talking about.

9.Your singing voice and the rest of your theater skills put me in awe. Like you could totally be an actor if you got tired of doing tech (even tho I think tech suits your personality better). You’re such a good singer and you don’t tend to sing often so I’m always pleasantly surprised when you start singing to whatever musical you’re listening to this week. 

10.Ummmm...... I’m running out of stuff so I’m gonna say your ridiculous wall of wooden swords and other weapons is really neat. I’m usually vaguely jealous.

11. Also not about you but your dog is one of the chillest sweetest dogs that I have ever met. She is a gorgeous old girl and deserves only the best things in life. She’s definitely better than the hyper piece of shit I have back at my house. 

12.And last but not least, the final pretty cool thing about you is that we’re friends and have been for years and hopefully will be for many years in the future. We’re not the closest and I know we have trouble with long distance cause we’re both sucky at communication but I’m so very grateful that you’re my friend.

I hope that you have a good rest of your semester and I can’t wait until I head back to the states so that we can hang out

[mediocrewritingsofacrazycanadian]

Clodilin Utrix

Full Name: Clodilin Tardak Acublis Utrix (Clod-ohlan Oo-tricks) 

Nick name: Olin, Sir Dumbass, Sabre of Death, L.B (Lizard baby)

Age: 19 1/2

Race: Drotoz (Humanoid Lizard person species)

Height: 5′8″

Eye Color: Yellow with slit pupils

Hair: Dark blue mohawk (usually worn in spikes)

Abilities/Powers: Night vision, poison saliva, incredibly hard armor-like skin, knight training, really good hearing and sight

Weapons: Dual scimitars, fangs, claws, poison, tail

Job: Cook assistant/ unofficial counselor/ poison expert/ unofficial crew pet tbh

Personality: Awkward as all fucking get out especially around new people, loves puns more than life probably, he is the chillest of everyone, food is his one true love, spends most of his time when not training or working in the kitchen napping on deck in the sun or curled up by the forge in Nix’s workroom cause it’s warmest in there, legit just loves laying in the sun and reading, he’s the guy you got to when you’re stressed or need advice or just need to chill with someone because he is the most supportive friend ever and just being around him chills people out, he’s almost never angry ( it takes a lot to get him to a point where he’s no longer calm and relaxed, however a surefire way is to threaten or harm his family and those he considers to be his family), gives really good advice and likes to make people happy, likes to have his hair played with when he he doesn’t have it up in spikes, gives the literal best hugs ever, loves to cook because food is usually good at making people happy (and because food makes him happy), sings to himself a lot, believes unshakably in his moral code and will not break it (but it’s his code only, other peoples laws and codes do not apply to him as far as he concerned unless it coincides with his own code), doesn’t like the dark even though he can see in it, taps random rhythms with his claws if he’s bored or zoned out, zones out a lot (usually by accident), is the best listener and loves listening to people, loves to read (trashy romance novels and adventure are his favorites), good a hair braiding (if you’ve got long hair in this crew he has braided your hair at some point for sure because he’s the best at it), trips over his own feet (and tail) a lot, stutters over his words sometimes (and says things out of order by accident and sometimes accidentally slurs a bit or lisps slightly because fangs and a forked tongue can really screw up a guys ability to enunciate)

Physical Description: He’s covered in blue and green scales which are smooth to the touch one way and kinda rough the other, is humanoid but has a long tail starting at his tailbone and extending into a tapered point to the floor and clawed hands and feet, his spine and tail have a line of soft blue spikes down them (which change color like his scales), his mowhawk lines up with the spikes down his back and tail but is still made of hair (it changes color like his scales)and he also has dark blue eyebrows and eye lashes but no other hair on his body, his scales change color depending on the light and his moods (his facial scales will go from green to dark blue when he blushes for instance and when he’s full on mad his entire body will go dark green) but are mainly just mottled and mixed and have lighter blue and green markings along his tail and back and arms and such, his eyes are the kind of eyes that always make him look like he’s smiling, pretty much always has his scimitars strapped to his back in their sheaths, likes loose comfy clothes like cargo-type pants and t-shirt style shirts or shirts with no sleeves and v necks and usually in earth tones (green, grey, brown, brown-ish red, beige) or bright colors if he’s trying to impress a someone he likes (bright or jewel tone greens and blues and purples) because unique colors are supposed to attract more mates (or so his moms say), doesn’t wear shoes because he has clawed feet and prefers to have them bare in case he’s gotta fight but also because it helps him feel grounded and balanced, tail twitches and moves when he get’s nervous, is made of all lean muscle (he kinda hopes he gets big and buff when he gets older...he also hopes to get taller), doesn;t have human-like ears (instead has holes on the sides of his heads like an actual lizard that allow him to hear really well), has fangs (snake-like that he can retract at will) and a sticky forked tongue (He sometimes eats bugs and mice and has no shame about it), keeps his claws sharp always (includes filing them if they get too blunted), let’s Avala and Zira paint his nails whatever color they like all the time, wears leather bracers on his arms and cloth wraps (like a boxer) on his hands at all times, has a silver eyebrow piercing in his left eyebrow, wears a leather cord necklace with one baby fang from each of his seven siblings hanging from it to remind him of home. 

Backstory:

Olin (Oh-lin) was born to mothers Sephy Myhx Utrix (Sef-ee Mix Oo-tricks) and Fyra Streth Jylo-Utrix (Fear-ah Jeye-low) in an unnamed desert to the south, he is the third of seven siblings, two older sisters and two younger brothers and another two younger sisters. Olin and his family were very close and went everywhere together. The whole family traveled constantly from one place to the next, learning new things and meeting new people as they went. Fyra was originally from another desert and had traveled the world for a long time before she met and settled down with Sephy and their children  and during her travels she picked up many skills and experiences, one such skill was sword fighting which she taught to any of her children who wished to learn it , Olin expressed a desire in learning it a very young age and trained with his mother and siblings his whole life until he turned thirteen. At thirteen Olin was determined to become a knight someday, he’d heard about them and read about them and he decided he had to be one, that it was his destiny to become a brave and valiant knight. So the whole family moved to little town close to where an order of knights had their stronghold. Olin proved himself worthy of at least being trained by showing off his already formidable skills with dual swords alongside his excellent endurance and physical abilities. For the next few years Olin trained to become a knight, he excelled in anything blade related and his own natural weapons (claws, teeth, tail, night vision, armor-like skin) were a great help to him as well of course when it came to fighting and he had a surprisingly strong sense of justice and honor and was honestly the perfect example of a knight (even if he was a big lizard dude). Finally at age seventeen Olin was proclaimed a full-fledged knight of the realm and he was overjoyed at the idea of getting to fight for justice and all that good stuff. Of course less than a full year later he met Glory and her crew and it all went downhill real fast. See Glory and crew were arrested for being thieving pirate bastards and trying to sell stolen goods in town and then after talking to them while he was on guard duty one night Olin sort of figured that they couldn’t actually be as bad as the guard captain and higher ranking knights said they were because they seemed like generally good people despite being thieving bastards, and also maybe Olin thought that their life seemed way more adventurous and interesting . So Glory and crew somehow convinced him to release them which of course resulted in Olin being arrested and de-knighted, after which he went off in search of Glory and crew so he could join them. Glory let him join because she felt kinda bad for getting him de-knighted and also the idea of having a formally battle-trained lizard dude on board sounded way too good to pass up.  

[purplesurveys]

278

I’m guessing you’ve probably been asked this before, but which do you prefer - Coca Cola, or Pepsi? Neither - I don’t drink soda. Although I am slightly partial to Pepsi because of CM Punk hahahahaaaaaaah. That’s the only reason why I’ll ever have a choice between the two. Do you think the last person you texted is a virgin? (You don’t have to tell us who the person is, just say yes or no.) My girlfriend with whom I have regular intercourse most definitely isn’t. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? Yeah but it was my fault. I was bored in Physics class, opened Snapchat, decided to play a video thinking the app was on mute. It wasn’t on mute. My prof is the chillest dude on the planet so he just smiled and continued, but I hated myself so much for it. What’s your relationship with the last person you talked to on the phone? What was your conversation about? Not much of a conversation, I was just asking Gab how she was since she hadn’t been texting regularly today. In your phone’s contacts, who is the second person listed under the letter ‘R’? What is that person’s favorite drink? I only have one person under R and I have no idea what his usual is.

Has the last person you texted ever been in your bedroom? Yep, in fact she slept over last Tuesday. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I have to. I have bad hair and shampoo makes it reeeeeeally stiff. I can skip on shampoo some days, but never conditioner since it’s the only thing that can make my hair softer. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Whatever matches my top. If the last girl you texted told you that she was pregnant, how would you respond? I’d be calm and ask how it happened, since chances are she is freaking out already and I don’t want to add to that. How old is the last male you texted? 47. Who do you have the most text messages from? Gabie. The last time you skipped school, what was the reason? My org was having a launch for our newest publication and met some unexpected problems, and since it’s my committee mostly taking charge of the event and I was the only member present, I had to be there. At the time it was my class that was getting in the way (4-5:30 PM for a basic chem class? Really?) so I gladly ditched it. When was the last time you visited the doctor? No idea. Two years ago. I think. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Gabie was my ex at one point and I unfriended her when we broke up, so I feel like if I hypothetically had any other exes that I would be the type to unfriend. Would you have sex with the last person that poked you on Facebook? No one has used the poke option on anyone for the longest time. Does more than one person like you? I mean a couple have tried their chances with me while I’m VERY PUBLICLY in a relationship, so that ticks me off every time it happens and makes me lose a little bit of respect for the person, but I can’t say if they liked me or were just trying to flirt or find me attractive. Do you ever worry that people might be talking about you behind your back? Sometimes but it passes. Who is the youngest person in your household? When is that person’s birthday? Joaquin is the youngest in the family -- his birthday is on April 14th. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating, when you actually didn’t? No. There was one time my orgmates and I went out for a few drinks and one of the girls who has a crush on me, already drunk, tried to hold my hand. I told the whole thing to Gab and while she suspected me of reciprocating it (and she had every right to–she was hurt and entitled to every emotion she felt at the time), she never accused me of anything and believed me immediately when I assured her I didn’t do anything. What is a word that starts with the second to last letter of your name? Emergency. Do you like your middle name? Yeah. My maiden name has tons of national history in it, which is why I’m so torn about getting my girlfriend’s name when I get married hahaha I want to keep my middle name forever. You log into Facebook and see the red ‘1’ notification next to the message icon. Who do you want it to be? No one, I mean I’m not really waiting for anybody’s message. If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I’ve always thought about getting bangs and something a little longer than a bob cut. That or a pixie. Do you call your partner ‘baby’? Yes. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? A big fat yikes. Actually no– I’d have a breakdown. I want to get away from my family so bad. If I get told I’d have to stay with them forever I’d probably literally kill myself along the way. Apologies for the sudden swerve in tone.

[notmrskennedy]

update on him!!

during said shipwreck, he got caught in the hold while it was sinking and couldn’t escape so he drowned in diesel fuel and salt water

like “yeah my limbs stopped working so i couldn’t free myself but eventually i blacked out. still was thinking though. woke up on the surface.”

“how are you alive??”

“dunno. but remember to barrel roll. it’ll keep you alive next time you jump off a waterfall.”

like buddy i’m not the one jumping off waterfalls anytime soon but thanks for the advice

had a real neat conversation w my coworkers about religion where my one coworker informed me that he grew up West Virginia Pentecostal with the snakes and tongues and such like sir

you told me about crawling 18 miles in the snow w a broken knee

and the time you were shipwrecked for five days at sea

and finding TWO dead bodies in separate rivers

and NOW you grew up in snake charmer churches?????????