#child pedestrians
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Titi Aur: âEducaČia rutierÄ, cheia pentru salvarea vieČilor copiilor ĂŽn traficâ
România ĂŽnregistreazÄ un numÄr alarmant de copii care ĂŽČi pierd viaČa ĂŽn accidente rutiere. Titi Aur, expert ĂŽn conducere defensivÄ, atrage atenČia asupra acestor tragedii Či subliniazÄ diferenČele majore ĂŽntre Čara noastrÄ Či statele nordice, unde astfel de incidente sunt aproape inexistente. 120 de copii pierduČi anual pe drumurile din România Ăn comparaČie cu statele din nordul Europei, undeâŚ
#accident prevention#child pedestrians#contact vizual Čofer#copii pietoni#crossing rules#driver eye contact#EducaČie RutierÄ#prevenirea accidentelor#reguli de traversare#road safety#Romania traffic#România trafic#siguranČa rutierÄ#Titi Aur#traffic education
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believe it or not, normalswap?avm
(check some lorestuff in tags)
now back to main cast
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#animation vs minecraft#avm#ava au#NS?AVA#ava victim#ava tco#ava primal#ava ballista#ava hazard#avm gold#avm purple#avm king orange#itstime to explain things in the tags hahahah#so purple got taken in by gold and ko but then died in the minecraft event and gold got filled with so much regret and guilt with that one!#somuch so that he planned to destroy minecraft#his dad still has some morals and didnt want him to go through with this plan but since gold is a child hes too stubborn to give up now#âokay so primal being a bow user is obviousbut why hazard?â umm theres one main reason#itsmostly to reference âwarning shotsâ or warning signs sure#sometimes warning signs can have silly little pedestrians on em and you know what hazard is.#agent and ballista are sword users sorry i am tooo tired to draw them#another ns?avm fun fact primal would be the best at cooking among the group#mostly because hes based off cavemen#actually now that i typed that it sounded better in my head#OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH hope you liked reading all this#lilacsart
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Truck owners be like "if I don't take up two thirds of this residential street when parked up against the curb i might as well fucking die."
#it's not just that they're so tall they're incredibly dangerous to child and wheelchair pedestrians!!!#THEY'RE TOO FUCKING WIDE!!!
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saw this cool change.org
go sign it! pedestrian car deaths ARE preventable, and if we keep putting pressure on it one day they will be.
#-pop#activism stuff#cars#pedestrian safety#pedestrian crossing#pedestrian walkway#infrastructure#tw child death
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I love being spontaneous and fun loving in social situations (has to prepare my answers to potential ice breakers in advance like iâm preparing for an exam)
#sorry I have the social acumen of a trampled worm#and if I donât do this then I end up blurting out things like âI survived multiple bouts of pneumonia as a childâ#when asked to share a fun fact about myself#and this is a work function entirely peopled by 40+ year old engineering guys. so Iâm gonna go with the pedestrian route for peace#đ.txt
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tw child death tw harm to pregnant people
#so after 5 years of searching i found someone who was working on the car crash i was witness and did first aid at when i was pregnant#a lady who was also pregnant and about as far along as me probably further was crushed by falling debris#she was a pedestrian and a driver fainted in his car accelerated and crashed through several pedestrian spaces and then metal beams fell#i knew she lived as far as ICU but i don't know what came after that#and i kept searching for someone who could tell me whether her child pulled through#well i found someone yesterday and it's not the happy ending i kept wishing for#the baby was emergency delivered right at the ER trauma room back then like 5 minutes from the ambulance arriving and loading her#but had to be declared dead right there#and i always kind of knew this was the outcome because i remember asking at the hospital even tho obviously they weren't allowed to tell me#but when they said the good things they were allowed to they all got a thousand yard stare#so since that day i knew that her baby died and mine lived#but having confirmation from someone who was there is still. sigh.#it's good to have no hypotheticals anymore tho i think it will help me get closure#i wish her child could have lived too#she'd done nothing wrong but be at the 'wrong' spot in a pedestrian space at that time. there's no reason and no meaning.#there's no meaning to human suffering. suffering is just suffering. it's always a bad thing period.#ah man sorry to throw trauma at y'all#it's unlikely anyone here remembers. i did blog about it back then. and it was what made me change career to EMT#i guess it's good to know in a way that even if i *had* been an EMT back then there was nothing in human hands to save her baby#nobody could do it#there is patients you cannot save no matter what and it's not a failure on your part#we are all humans with the good and the bad and the strengths and the limitations#so that's my musings#it's good to finally know for sure after all this time searching but it's also hard#ah what a downer story in the morning#the man who was next to her was fine#it's so unfair and meaningless#gotta work harder on easing this unfair and meaningless suffering#child death cw#harm to pregnant people cw
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5 Tips You Should Teach Your Child to Stay Safe When Walking on the Streets
No parent wants his child to get hurt, certainly not when they are on their own for a while. You want them to understand how to make themselves safe on the streets, but believe me, sometimes it gets very difficult. After all, you never know when traffic may get unpredictable, and even the best drivers may sometimes be wrong. Weâve all said this a million times: âWait for the light!â âUse theâŚ
#child safety rules#pedestrian safety#safety tips for kids#street safety for children#teaching kids road safety
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"Charged with Dangerous Driving After Death of Boy," Porcupine Advance (Timmins). August 26, 1943. Section 1, Page 5. --- At Kapuskasing last week Lang Park, of Cochrane, faced a charge before Magistrate E. R. Tucker, of dangerous driving. The charge was laid by the provincial police after the inquest the previous week into the death at Moonbeam of Leo Filion, an eight-year-old boy, who was said to have been struck down by Park's automobile, Lung Park was represented by Dean Kester, K.C., while J. W. Lieberman, also of Timmins, appeared in the interests of the dead boy's parents. Mr. Kester, on behalf of his client, elected trial by a higher court, which will likely be the fall assizes at Cochrane.
Provincial Constable Pearce told the court that the fatality occurred at Moonbeam on August 5th. The little boy had bought some candy at the vil- lage store and was in the act of crossing the highway when death overtook him. The witness told the court that Park, had made a statement at the scene of the accident to the effect that he was travelling west to Kapuskasing through the village of Moonbeam and had slow- ed down to twenty miles per hour. He saw the boy about to cross the street and put on the brakes and slowed down. The lad, however, according to the statement, ran back and forth, and though he pulled to one side to avoid the boy, the lad ran in front of the car. He stopped the car and got out and picked up the boy from the road and spoke to him, but could get no reply. Two other witnesses said that the car was travelling at great speed. This seemed to be supported by the evidence of the provincial police that the car had skidded about 100 feet after the brakes were applied, though the brakes were in good condition. The witnesses appeared to be agreed that there was no evidence of the accused having been drinking, but simply that he had been travelling at a fast pace. One witness said he ran over to the side of the road where the boy was lying and picked up the child and carried the youngster into the station nearby where the child died in about five minutes before a doctor could arrive.
Magistrate Tucker committed the accused to stand trial at the next court of competent jurisdiction. Lung Park, whose defence was reserved, was released on $2,000 bail.
#cochrane#kapuskasing#dangerous driving#killing a pedestrian#killing a child#vehicular manslaughter#speeder#speeding#murder by car#life of the automobile#northern ontario#canada during world war 2#crime and punishment in canada#history of crime and punishment in canada
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ditzy , áŚ
: ĚĚâ rafe dating ditzy!reader.
â.ŕłŕż*:シ masterlist
disclaimer // 18+ content. this story includes mentions of sex.
âââââââââââââââââââââââââ
rafe dating ditzy!reader would definitely consist of him getting super frustrated at times. listen you're his baby, there's no doubt about that â but how did you forget to buckle your seatbelt?
the amount of times rafe has had to slam on the breaks on you're damn near flying out of the window? he's made sure to buckle you in every single time you're in his car. fortunately enough for him, you never drive anywhere without him â so rafe doesn't have to worry about you forgetting to buckle your seat belt when you're alone.
"what the fuâ are you okay? where is your seatbelt?" his eyes are wide after a pedestrian ran right in front of his car â slamming on the breaks as fast as he could.
"uh â i forgot!"
rafe would keep his eyes on you at all times. the amount of times you've almost been ran over while walking down the street with him is just fucking ridiculous to him. does your brain just shut off when you're with him?
he'll point a finger at you, pointing to his side while he stares at you with a stern look. "ba â baby! watch out â stand here and hold my hand, cant have you wandering off and dying on me."
it's like babysitting a child that keeps trying to wander off â completely oblivious to everything and in their own little world.
ninety percent of the time he's just highly fucking confused. one second you're talking about your friends and the next you're gasping and running over to pick a flower and putting it in your hair.
he watches you bounce around while your attention moves to one thing then the next. whole time he's just like, 'what in the actual fucking fuck is happening.'
you'll run back over, put the flower in your hair and scrunch your face up in confusion trying to think about what you were just talking to him about before you saw such a beautiful flower.
"what was i talking about again?"
sex with you is so tea though. since you're literally so stupid and can't pay attention at times, rafe knows once he gives you that dick...whew you're SAT.
his dick is just too good for your attention to be on anything else - if anything, during sex your attention is completely on him and his touch. no other thoughts fill your head but him.
rafe, rafe, rafe - yes, yes, yes
there's been plenty of times he'll stop everything you two are doing to fuck you. you're just doing too much and he's tired of watching you, okay? just need a little redirecting with his dick ;)
âââââââââââââââââââââââââ
#rafe cameron imagines#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#rafe cameron#rafe imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe x reader#rafe x you#rafe fanfiction#rafe#rafe smut#rafe fic#rafe cameron smut#obx smut#obx x reader#obx fanfiction#obx imagine#obx fic#obx
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PEDESTRIANS stickers Blackfriars Bridge & Barbican bus stop
#mister higgs#russell shaw higgs#street art#graffiti#london#pedestrian#child#stickers#city of london
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The sidewalks in my neighborhood often feature little wandering moss balls. I have noticed them often and wondered about them. In this part of England, there is a lot of moss always, on everything, everywhere; but thatâs sedentary moss, unchanging, holding still - practically characterised by its year-round chilling-out-ness. Moss in the pavement cracks, growing along the buildings and front of garden wall; moss in the gardens and the corners between sidewalk and street. but the tumblemosses are not connected to the continuous belts of stay-at-home moss. They are disconnected, tumbleweeds, pilgrim wanderers: appearing suddenly on the pavement and mooching mysteriously on their own journeys. Like aquarium moss balls but without the currents of the water to justify them. They appear in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of the town.
The children say they are Moss Children who have broken off from their Moss Family. They often pick them up and carry them around, shouting. Occasionally we have had to take them on train journeys (nobody else seems to have Tumblemoss; it seems to be around our neighborhood.) Sometimes the kids want to make terrariums or things, and so we specifically collect the Tumblemoss, since itâs clearly unrooted and not spoiling anything if we take it home(and Iâd feel bad for the kids pulling up actual moss.) but the origins of Tumblemoss, or Moss Children, have always been a bit mysterious. They simply appear, like wild land Marimo, enigmatically. An empty sidewalk in the morning suddenly has a perfect round Moss Child in the afternoon.
Today I learned the secret origin of the Tumblemoss. Would you like to guess it?
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The world is so hostile to tweens.....
Like we joke about how our schools growing up would ban the latest toy trends, but that reality genuinely horrific when you think about it. Like maybe 1% of the bans were based on safety, but the rest cited reasoning like
-"kids were bartering for collectibles" (kids learning about economics and product value)
-"kids were wearing them and the colors were too flashy" (kids experimenting with self expression and fashion)
-"kids were playing with them during lunch and recess instead of using our rusted safety hazard playground" (kids utilizing their free time to do what helps *them* unwind).
Play areas specifically geared towards children and especially towards teens are constantly being shut down. "Oh kids today are always on their phones!" Maybe because
-there are barely any arcades left and even less arcades that aren't adult-oriented,
-public pools and gyms are underfunded and shut down,
-"no loitering" laws prevent kids and teens from just hanging out,
-movie theatres only play the latest films and ticket prices are only rising,
-parks and playgrounds are either neglected or replaced with gear only directed at toddlers and unsuitable for anyone older
-genuine children's and young teen media is being phased out in favour of media directed only at very small children or older teens and adults.
-suburbs and even cities are becoming more and more hostile to pedestrians, it's just not safe for kids to walk to or ride their bikes to their friends' houses or other play destinations
Children's agency is hardly ever respected. Kids between the ages of 9-13 are either treated as babies or as full-grown adults, with no in-between. When they ask to be given more independence, they are either scoffed at or given more responsibilities than are reasonable for a child their age.
This is even evident in the fashion scene.
Clothing stores and brands like Justice and Gap are either closing or rebranding to either exclusively adult clothing or young children's clothes, with no middle ground for tweens. Tweens have to choose between clothes designed for adults that are too large and/or too mature for their age and bodies, or more clothes they feel are far too childish. For tween girls especially it's either a frilly pinafore dress with pigtails or a woman's size dress with cleavage. No wonder tween girls these days dress like they're older, it's because their other option is little girl clothes and they don't want to feel childish.
And then when tweens go to school, the books they want to read aren't available because they cover "mature" topics (read: oh no two people kissed and they weren't straight or oh no menstruation was mentioned or oh no a religion other than Christianity is depicted), so kids are left with books for way below their reading level. No wonder kids today are struggling with literacy, it's because they can't exercise and expand their reading skills with age-appropriate books. Readers need to be challenged with new words and concepts in order to grow in their skills, only letting tween read Dr. Seuss and nursery rhymes doesn't let them learn.
Discussions about substance use, reproduction, and sexuality aren't taught at an age-appropriate level in school or even by children's parents, so they either grow up ignorant and more vulnerable to abuse, or they seek out information elsewhere that is delivered in a less-than-age-appropriate manner. It shouldn't be a coin-toss between "I didn't know what sex was until I was 18 and in college" or "my first exposure to sex as a tween was through porn" or "I didn't know what sex was so I didn't know I was being sexually abused as a kid."
Tweenhood is already such a volatile and confusing time for kids, their bodies are changing and they're transitioning from elementary to middle to high school. It's hard enough for them in this stage, but it's made worse by how society devalues and fails them.
We talk about the disappearance of teenagehood, and maybe that's gonna happen in the future, but the erasure of tweenhood is happing in real time, and it's having and going to have major consequences for next generation's adults.
#leftie shit#i guess#ageism#social issues#tweenhood#the disappearance of tweenhood#current events#relevant issues
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Baby Fever
Anakin x f!reader
This is based off of number 2 of this list :)- I havent really delved into kink writing s sorry if this isnt the best haha- think of the reader as a padme- type figure
After seeing you interact with a lost child- Anakin thinks itâs time you had your own baby to look afterâŚ
warnings: P in V, smex, ani has a mean breeding kink, multiple orgasms, mentiond of pregnancy
________________
Floods of invigorating politicians and citizens exited the large Coruscant city center after a successful senate meeting. You had just finished pitching a plan that would excel the economy while also protecting laborâs rights.Â
You smiled as you stood from your podium once the majority of the crowds had exited- the whole public eye thing was a bit new to you.Â
For the longest time you worked behind the scenes helping other politicians with similar goals; it wasnât until a few months ago that you, yourself, were appointed as your districtâs senator.Â
You fixed your dress as you exited your booth and headed for the dimly lit corridors of the massive building. Most of the clamor had moved outside into the city square so the halls were mostly empty.Â
As you turned the corner a small smile found its way onto your face once you saw a familiar figure leaning against a marble pillar. Unmistakable robes and lightsaber clipped to the manâs belt.Â
âI wasnât aware Jedi had any interest in politicsâ you said with a smirk as the man snaked a gloved arm around you before you could pass.Â
He pressed his face into your hair as he hugged you tighter to his chest, âWe donât, but you know all of my interest belongs to youâ.Â
You sighed as he pressed a passionate kiss to the column of your neck.Â
âAni- not hereâ you almost whimpered.Â
He quickly twirled you around to face him before holding your face in his hands, âwhy not?â he asked with a charming smirk- âwe should let them all knowâ.Â
He glanced out the large windows down at the crowds of excited civilians- from up here they looked no larger than ants running for a sugar jar.Â
âThey all love you, so why canât I?â Anakin asked with a pout.Â
You sweetly smiled before placing a tender kiss to his pretty lips, âyou can, and you do- you know the ramifications Anakin, you know we ca-â.Â
Anakin cut you off with another deep kiss before releasing you and playfully slapping your ass.Â
âYeah yeah, I knowâ he huffed, âbut they donât know thatâ.Â
You rolled your eyes at your loverâs childish desires before leading him out of the building.Â
To avoid the spotlight and attention of the crowds, you dawned a hooded cloak before exiting the center.
Anakin followed closely behind; a hand already on his saber just in case. Thankfully being in public with Anakin seemed normal to some degree because you had become such a public figure- Jedi were often tasked with protecting political officials.
So Anakin looked no different than a routine bodyguard.Â
The crowds were easier to navigate now that you had some practice under your belt. You had almost made it to your reserved speeder when you felt a small tug on the hem of your long dress.Â
You smiled once you realized the tugging was coming from a small child, probably no older than four.Â
She looked up at you with wonder as she mustered up the courage to speak to you.Â
âSenator?â She finally asked.Â
You nodded with a smile before turning to her. A wide grin settled onto her small face as she looked you up and down.Â
âPrettyâ she giggled.Â
Anakin stood a few feet behind you, trying to see what was going on over the people standing in the way- he became anxious when you dipped from view.
The Jedi quickly weaved through the remaining people to see you crouched down speaking to a small child. His expression immediately softened as he watched you interact so sweetly with the girl; making exaggerated faces at the childâs comments, pointing out her cute accessories to make her giggle, picking her up to shield her from oncoming pedestrians-
Anakin never really thought about having kids- of course he wanted them someday; he wanted to create life with you and wanted to raise his children with a childhood he never got to have. But it never seemed like the right time.
The two of you had been careful when engaging in those activities to avoid an unexpected surprise when you still hadnât quite figured out how to navigate your secret relationship.Â
But each time Anakin fucked you he got closer and closer to giving up on the unspoken rule; he got closer and closer to cumming deep inside of you without any intention of pulling out.Â
You knew Anakin was a passionate lover but you never considered that your sweet, respectful Jedi lover fantasized about locking you into a mating press while he fucked his children into your fertile womb.Â
Anakin had no timeline of when he wanted them, but he knew youâd make a great mother no matter how long (or short) he waited.
Though seeing you interact in real time just made him want the fantasy to spring to reality.Â
_________
âHello sweetie, where are your parents?â You cooed at the small girl in your arms.Â
She giggled and shrugged, making you frown.Â
âWell thatâs not good, theyâre probably worried about youâ you said, scanning the crowd for anyone who held any semblance to the tiny child in your arms.Â
She, on the other hand, had no interest in finding her guardians- instead she was focused on the shiny tinsel that had been put into your hair prior to your speech. Innocently, she flipped your hood off and began to touch your face as she admired your beauty in childlike wonder.Â
Before you could react, Anakin was by your side; he gently placed the cloak back over your head to protect you from interested onlookers.Â
âAni! You came out of nowhereâ you giggled lightheartedly as he guided you off to the side of the still buzzing city square.Â
âWhoâs this?â He asked with a smile as the little girl in your arms hid her face in your shoulder.Â
âItâs ok baby, heâs a Jedi- heâs very strong and heâs here to protect usâ you whispered to the little girl in your arms.Â
âJedi?â her green eyes brightened as she became excited at the title.Â
She continued asking you questions but all Anakin could focus on was how beautiful you looked interacting with such a young child. How natural you looked.Â
Is this how you would interact with your own children? With his children?
He couldn't help but adjust his pants as he felt them becoming increasingly tighter.Â
Soon the overexcited child had fallen asleep in your comforting arms; shortly, you began cautiously walking around in hopes to find her parents. The jedi beside you watched as you subconsciously brushed the girl's hair and gently bounced her on your hip.Â
Before long you finally stumbled across two very worried adults calling for who you could only assume was fast asleep in your arms.Â
âOh Maker! There she is!â the woman gasped as she reached for her baby.Â
The Man she was with breathed out a sigh of relief and quickly joined her as you handed her the sleeping child.Â
âThank you so mu- Senator!â the manâs eyes widened once he realized who it was.Â
âWe are so sorry to have troubled you- please forgive us for our carelessnessâ the woman bowed.Â
âNo, no! It was no trouble at all- you have a beautiful daughterâ you smiled, brushing a stray strand of hair away from the girlâs face.Â
âThank you, thank you so much. We loved your speech- you are just what this city needsâ the mother offered before turning to her husband.Â
You bowed and met the silent figure watching from the sidelines; âSorry Ani, we can go nowâ.Â
Anakin just nodded silently and trailed you with an uncharacteristically dazed aura.Â
Once you were in your speeder, Anakin hopped in the driverâs seat and jetted off towards your apartment; his strong jaw clenched as he imagined you full with a child.
He flinched as you placed a tender hand on his tensed thigh, âAni- are you alright?â.
________________________
A cacophony of moans and groans ricocheted off of the walls of your penthouse bedroom as your lover continuously plunged his cock in and out of your abused hole. He had been at it for two hours already and had already cum once (while you came thrice).Â
Once you entered your private apartment, all of his carefully crafted will-power snapped and he went feral; the natural urge to breed you, hit him like a bus.
He was all over you; your lips, neck, breasts, cunt- you were his and he was going to make damn sure it stayed that way.Â
âA-Ani! S-slow down!â you cried as he jetted his thick cock in and out of you.Â
âS-Sorry baby, C-canât- I gotta- gotta fill you upâ he winced as he fucked you through his own overstimulation.Â
His heavy balls slapped against your ass and a ring of foam from your combined juices formed at the base of his cock.Â
He already came inside of you once, what more could he want?
âBaby- tâs too much! You're-spilling all overâ.
âN-no, not enough- gotta fuck a baby into youâ he grunted against your bruised neck.Â
His confession had your eyes snapping open, âWhat?!â.Â
âLooked too damn good with that baby on your hip- I-I wanna see you with my child on your hip in-insteadâ he babbled as he pulled you flush against his chest and rutted his desperate hips into yours.Â
So that's what this was all about.Â
Admittedly you didnât mind his desires, deep down you wanted the same thing⌠you wanted him to reach so deep that he fucked one into you on the spot.Â
âOh Fuck Ani- I wan- I want your kidsâ you admitted ad you raked your long nails down his toned back.Â
âShit babe- squeezing me so tightâ he whined as he gripped onto your hips with a caging grasp (surely you would be bruised tomorrow).Â
He slammed his hips flush against yours with intense force as he felt the coil in his stomach begin to snap- this was it, this was the orgasm that was going to give you a child.Â
He just knew it.Â
âAhh c-cumming! Gonna give y-you a child- Shit! i-i âm going to fuck my baby into youâ he babbled as he felt his hot, thick, warm seed shoot out of his oversensitive tip into your gushing cunt as your own orgasm washed over your like a crest-fallen wave.Â
âAni!â you cried as your legs began to shake from the overpowering climax mixed with your exhaustion.Â
You clawed onto him so hard that you swore you drew blood. Anakin, on the other hand, dove down and captured you into a tight embrace; his mechanical hand making you gasp at the sudden coolness.Â
His body shook with pleasure and overstimulation as he struggled to rut his hips into you to push the last bit of spend further into you with shaky breaths.Â
Once you came down from your high, you were so tired that you couldnât even bother to ask Anakin to clean you up; you half expected him to fall asleep inside of you based on how tired he also looked.Â
âGonna make you a mommy- youâll look s-so good- so round with our childâ Anakin mumbled into your neck before slowly turning over so that you were on top of him (his dick still inside).Â
You hummed in contempt before drifting to sleep as he gently brushed your hair with hsi flesh hand.Â
âThe two of you should get some sleep now- I love youâ Anakin whispered before drifting right after you.Â
You would have giggled at Anakinâs addition of âtwoâ when speaking to you and your hypothetical baby, but as usual your lover was right.Â
The famed âJedi perceptionâ was affirmed 9 months later when you cradled not one, but two small bundles of joy. You sat on your couch as you fed your children and Anakin couldn't help but smirk at the scene before him, this is just what he wanted⌠he couldnât wait till you could have another one.Â
***
(a/n: ngl im not crazy big on kids but breeding is hot đ¤đ¤ hope this lived up to the idea on the list :0)
#anakin x reader#anakin#star wars#star wars x reader#anakin skywalker#anakin x you#anakin star wars#anakin x y/n#anakin skywalker x female reader#anakin skywalker blurb#jedi anakin#star wars x you#anakin smut#star wars smut#anakin skywalker smut#sw smut#smut#ani w a breeding k!nkkk#star wars thoughts#anakin blurb#anakin is so hot
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5 posts!
#5 posts#tumblr milestone#child health#childcare#best pediatrician near me#neonate#neonatology#pedestrian#pediatrics
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four seven eight, phase 3 (2)
pairing: jungkook x reader
wordcount: 9k
glimpse: youâre pushed to the edge after eunsuâs stunt, and it makes jungkook realize that heâs no longer secure when it comes to being a husband and a dad.
alternatively, jungkook goes back to square one with you, but especially with hwayoung.
[ part one, intermission, part two, intermission 02, finale â complete series masterlist, from phase 1 to 3 ]
[ angst, fluff, the double-edged desire of wanting more n Being More despite having almost everything, hwayoung being the universe, mentions of eunsu breaking in into jk's hotel room, jus eunsu being a weirdo in general, 478 couple goes old school YIPPEEEE, yoongi as his own warning, eventual redemption ]
notes: heh... i did say it wud get a little worse before everything gets better!!! :O
as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!
Hwayoung keeps staring at Jungkookâs empty spot on the dining table.
âWhereâs appa?âÂ
She looks like a spitting image of Jungkook with the way her brows are furrowed and her bottom lip pouted, clearly confused to why her carbon copy still isnât here. Hwayoungâs heard your explanation a dozen of times already, yet she asks you again â not because she forgot already, but because sheâs in disbelief.
âHeâs working, Young-ie,â you smile tightly, cutting up her pancakes once again to redirect her into eating instead of asking where Jungkook is. She eats, even if you donât slice the pancakes the way Jungkook does (he cuts them up to look like a window with four, almost-perfectly divided slices) and in the same breath, you try not to pull out your phone to ask if heâs already had dinner.
Loving Hwayoung is extremely easy, even if you get choked up from time to time trying to internalize the fact that sheâs yours and Jungkookâs. Thereâs a continuous beep in your chest that rivals the volume of what pedestrian crossings sound like when they turn green; itâs been ringing ever since you found out you were pregnant with Hwayoung and came to the realization that you owe everything (if the world happens to not be enough) to her.
Hwayoung may be a curious, bubbly child, but the extent of her questioning only stops when you tell her that Jungkookâs working. She doesnât prod any further than that, settling for a generic answer youâd expand on if only you could find the heart to.Â
Hwayoung doesnât ask why you hold her a lot more closely than youâd usually do when youâre asleep or why her oversized sleep shirts lately belong to you and not Jungkook, not because she doesnât care about the sudden absence of her dad, but because the abundance of you almost makes her forget about her new routine.
Almost.
She goes down from her seat (just like how Jungkook taught her with both hands and extreme care) wordlessly, strolling off with a determined gait, only to return with your cat in her arms like itâs a normal occurrence at seven in the morning.
âWhat are you doing with Miso, Young-ie?â you question playfully, getting your answer soon enough when she carries Miso up to where Jungkookâs plate would be.
Your daughter seems pleased about the situation altogether, nevermind the fact that the too-chunky-for-her-age cat sheâs been spoiling with treats is at the head of the table instead of Jungkook.
Hwayoungâs young. Sheâs young enough to the point that you can withhold entire truths from her without having to clarify your words. Even more, sheâs young to the point that you canât even tell if sheâll remember this point in her childhood for the years to come.
You canât tell if Hwayoung will even remember the chunk of time wherein Jungkookâs nowhere to be found and sheâs upset about it, nor if sheâll even recall in the future about the way youâre looking at her with so much fondness and desperation at this exact moment â but nevertheless, you want Hwayoung to be young in the same way you want to be honest.
Neither you and Jungkook can withhold anything from her if it means making her happy; even if it means she wonât do something as futile as making a cat a placeholder for her dad.
âDo you miss him, baby?â you hum, feeling for your phone in your pocket as you rub the ridges of its case over and over again while deep in thought. You canât even tell why you asked that because you know the answer already, regardless of your daughter beaming and nodding her head fervently.
âDo you wanna go on a trip?â you whisper to her ear as if itâs a secret, immediately getting her giddy. You comb through her hair with your fingers as she basically bounces on her seat, already clapping her hands because she knows the word and everything fun that it entailed. âLetâs surprise your appa, hm?â
Itâll just be a last-minute airline ticket purchase, which would happen to be Hwayoungâs first-ever plane ride that Jungkook wonât be there to see because the whole tripâs purpose is to get to him. Itâll just be a rest day or two that you have to coordinate and apologize for over and over again for the potential inconveniences youâll create. Itâll just be a blip in Hwayoungâs memory soon enough, one youâre uncertain if sheâll even remember, but you figure that itâll be worth it.
Itâll be worth it because itâs Jungkook, you think as you cram yours and Hwayoungâs belongings into a single backpack with no other luggage in tow.
Itâll be worth it because itâs Jungkook, you rethink while contemplating about how itâs rare for you to be impulsive, but at your fate, with respect to Jungkook, you completely surrender.
Itâll be worth it because itâs Jungkook, you mutter under your breath as you hastily plan with Jimin on the phone about your temporary quick leave, if he can look after Miso, and how to get to the airport without being noticed and most importantly, without Hwayoung being pictured at all.
Your daughter doesnât know any better about how you and Jungkook go to extreme lengths to protect her, or how the straps of your backpack are digging into your shoulders, or how youâre nervous because itâs her first plane ride and you donât know how sheâll take it, or how youâre ready to bolt immediately with her in your arms because sheâs only yours and Jungkookâs and no one elseâs.
Youâre not the world-famous and critically acclaimed actress in this long-haul flight; youâre a mom to Hwayoung trying to get her to yawn repeatedly so her ears wouldnât get clogged, youâre a mom hanging her head down in apology when itâs the fourth flight attendant to approach you asking for a picture, and youâre a mom who just happens to be extremely desperate and humble to beg said flight attendants to help you deplane first so nobody else would look at your or your daughter.
For a split second, or even for as long as you hold Hwayoung and beyond that, you forget the trophies and plaques attached to your name.
You no longer want to be the best when in your arms, Hwayoungâs jet-lagged and fighting through said fatigue, because youâve convinced not only her but yourself, that itâll all be worth it because itâs Jungkook.
( ⥠)Â
Hwayoung sleeps in your arms the whole time.
You figure that sheâs out cold because youâre wearing Jungkookâs hoodie, knowing better than anyone about how your baby gets completely placated whenever sheâs held. Itâs heartwarming to see her this way even in such odd circumstances, the fist thatâs curled up on your shirt reminding you when things used to be a little more simple.
The stress thatâs been accumulating inside your temples threaten to burst and you fear that youâll be set off by the most miniscule thing while youâre on your way to Jungkook. Youâre sleepless and youâre bubbling inside with annoyance and it takes an absurd amount of energy from you to try and contain yourself.
Coordinating with Jimin through the phone makes your nostils flare, even if heâs trying his best to be helpful. Seeing people on the street in large groups, without even knowing the reason why, makes your jaw clench. Even the driver who keeps looking at you on the rearview mirror in concern makes you want to rip your hair out.
Youâre frustrated and angry, even if you try convince yourself that Jungkook is worth all the fuss.
âYoung-ie,â you whisper, shaking her awake gently. Your free handâs already gripping your backpack even if youâre still minutes away; if only you had the remaining patience (maybe even optimism) to look at yourself, youâll see the irony of you being the equivalent of overeager dads you hate on airplanes that immediately stand upon landing, even when the connecting tube to the terminal hasnât been attached yet. âWake up, baby. Weâre getting closer.â
Everything feels a little heavy. The weight of your backpack is not the problem, and neither is Hwayoung whoâs glued to you by the hip.
You have the terrifying idea in the back of your head, locked and loaded for anyone (read: Jungkook) to see if they take the additional second to ask you, that youâll have to suffer all over again; that youâll have to establish an ultimatum with a time limit of sorts, just so you can nullify the vacancy in you by pushing Jungkook away again.
Even now, a part of you wonders about Sora.Â
Sheâs no longer a part of your husbandâs life, for good this time, yet she occupies your mind every once in a while as if sheâs a bad meal on a bad day you have to stomach over and over again. You want to vomit her out completely and rid yourself of the taste of being inferior to who came before you, and yet, she lingers like a stray who knows its home.
You wonder if sheâs happy with her life and how it turned out, even if Jungkookâs no longer in it despite being each otherâs first for everything. You wonder if she ever thinks about Jungkook whenever itâs April 23 or when she walks past tent bars; if sheâs ever married now and has a family like you and her first love do.
You wonder about Sora from time to time because if Jungkook really loved her, you fear that a little bit of it would always linger.
In the same way that you had really loved a multitude of things growing up, little bits of them would always linger even if youâve sworn off them.Â
Your old obsession with tiny bottles of perfume you could only buy from boutiques (and never from malls) resurfaces whenever you visit your parents and magically, they always have a box filled up with your childhood shirts theyâve spared for Hwayoung to wear, imbued with a scent you can place to a memory, but not replicate.
The old fixation you had on patchwork blankets lingers whenever you head to the stockroom to store a PR package you could justify keeping for future purposes, only to see the unopened stacks of shirts youâve gotten from numerous workshops, countries, and tapings as mementos throughout the years. They sit there in the dust, waiting patiently for you to take notice, but you avert your eyes as to not start a project you canât bring yourself to finish.
The old liking you had towards the color orange stains on your fingers whenever you peel tangerines for Hwayoung, training a keen eye on her as she holds it for herself while slicing the portions you have at hand for her to eat safely.Â
You wonder about Sora and if she ever holds the regret of letting go of Jungkook for someone like you.
You wonder if Jungkookâs love for her, although dissolved and voided already, lingers through the existence of Eunsu â someone whoâs much, much different than you, just like Sora was.
Love is not supposed to feel heavy and you stand by it, because holding Hwayoung while carrying the backpack thatâs meant to sustain the both of you in a foreign country, just because you donât want any excess baggage as you surprise Jungkook out of nowhere, has never felt lighter in your heart.
Love is not supposed to feel heavy, even if you wonder why the door to Jungkookâs hotel room is open by itself without needing a key.
Love is not supposed to feel heavy, even if you meet several pairs of eyes that either locks or avoids your own, all for a multitude of reasons.Â
âJungkook,â you whisper, pupils shaking as you instinctively turn Hwayoungâs head away from the sight before you. âWhatâs going on?â
Your husband, whoâs evidently rattled for more reasons than one and is dressed in his pajamas, stares at you head-on with his bottom lip trembling.
His staff members, some of which you recognize, avoid your gaze whilst one of them continues talking on the phone with an apologetic bow.
The members of hotel security, both of which are a little lost in whatâs happening because theyâve only been suddenly called to the room of a husband to a celebrity they didnât catch the name of in a hurry, gasp in realization when they recognize you instantly.
Eunsu, whoâs clad in only a silky nightgown that leaves almost nothing to the imagination as sheâs restrained to a chair by hotel security, scoffs at your presence.
.
.
.
âItâs not what it looks like, I swear,â Jungkook repeatedly mumbles to you, even if he only catches a shadow of you lingering somewhere as you bounce in between places trying to sort everything out.
âI-I didnât do anything. We didnât do anything. I never wanted things to go like this in the first place,â he says to you over and over again, even if youâre on the phone with Jimin to get ahead of damage control if the news ever breaks out.
âIâd never.. I-Iâd never cheat on you, Y/N. Iâll never hurt you,â your husband whispers to you like a broken record, running his thumb over your knuckles to try and get you to calm down as if youâve lost your cool for the past two hours.
The whole thingâs been foiled.
Neither you, Jungkook, or even the staff can even think about the short filmâs immediate downfall without it even being released yet because from the get-go, it had already been a raging wildfire with Eunsu in it.
Thereâs no talk about the film.Â
Thereâs no talk about the hours, efforts, and even money wasted on it because all that you could think aboutâ all that everyone who knew of the situation just now could think about, is how Eunsu broke into Jungkookâs hotel room to seduce him.
There's no talk about the unspoken rule in between the staff to tiptoe around their executive producerâs wife, and most especially his daughter. Itâs no secret that the two of you dropped in unannounced (they recall Jungkook being miserable so they knew there was no way he could predict his family was about to surprise him), and yet with the way they give you space and nothing but humility, youâd mistaken them for devoted fans.
Thereâs only hushed, cordial conversations between everyone to keeps things up to date and under wraps. Thereâs only gratitude, pity, and assurance thrown your way about how they never liked Eunsu in the first place and how you were such a good, filial wife and mother to clean up the mess attached to Jungkookâs name whilst keeping Hwayoung close to you the entire time.
âSheâs detained by the police now. Iâve already called up lawyers back at home. Weâre pressing charges,â you say, finally standing in one place. âI have Jimin drafting everything in place in case word gets out.
Youâve been going back and forth trying to sort everything and everyone from the police, to the hotel security, and even Jungkookâs staff â even if youâve already vacated Jungkookâs room for the three of you to be transferred to a different room in a different hotel entirely, not once have you set Hwayoung down.
You havenât even let him hold her once since landing here.
Jungkookâs shaking in anger, or atleast whatever it is that drowns him whole even if his head is only submerged in between his knees as he tries to breathe. Heâs spoken perfectly and concisely when he was asked for his statement. Heâs spoken without a hitch when asked for his honesty, and he hasnât even faltered once when he asked for the footage of Eunsu seducing a receptionist to break into his room to support his rock-solid testimony.
Jungkook even cussed Eunsu without stuttering as she basically confesses her crime (while cursing you, who didnât want to look at her, in the process) whilst being dragged away by the cops.
Ironically, the only people who had everything going on for him whom he momentarily tried to distance himself from, are the first people to his rescue. The bed in the new room is more than massive, yet you donât even lay Hwayoung on it; sheâs still in your arms that are screaming to give out, and the backpack youâve packed for the both of you is yet to be opened, sitting on the opposite side of the room to Jungkookâs massive luggage.
Everything has failed and collapsed around Jungkook, yet itâs you who cleans up after him.
.
.
.
You only let Hwayoung sleep on the bed once you needed to book separate flight tickets.
âItâs not a problem for me. Weâll be less recognizable together,â Jungkook answers quickly when you question him if he could take Hwayoung back while you get on a later flight.
Heâs snappy this way, trying to ignore the raging pounding on his head that youâre upset with him; that perhaps not only were you disgusted with him, but you were also exhausted of him entirely.
Thereâs a massive knot in Jungkookâs throat that doesnât want to untangle in the slightest. He feels like heâs about to choke on nothing because he rethinks that he has no right to feel tired; that he has no right to close his eyes for even a second because you havenât slept for a day and even longer, and that he has no right to feel this low when heâs dragged you down even lower.
You only nod quietly at his answer, clicking on your phone without meeting his eyes as you blow money on last-minute flights without even flinching.
âYou okay?âÂ
You ask softly, the bags under your eyes more evident under the warm lighting. Youâre sitting on a chair at the corner of the room like youâre a complete stranger while Jungkookâs sitting on the edge of the bed like heâs only a familiar guest.Â
Itâs only Hwayoung in this room whoâs acting as if she belongs here.Â
Right now, itâs only your daughter serving as the common denominator that you have with Jungkook â with her asleep, your husband canât even tell if heâs on the same ground with you.Â
âDid she touch you anywhere?â you add, slouching on your knees. Youâve never laid back since youâve gotten here, the fear that something bad would happen to you or anyone in your family if you took your eye off the ball for the slightest second overtaking you.
Even after youâve cleaned up Jungkookâs mess, itâs you who tries to reach out; itâs you who tries to keep everything and everyone together, even if itâs by the thinnest thread that incessantly digs into the palm of your hands, even tighter than how your wedding ring could.
âNo, no. She didnât even get close. I just⌠I immediately yelled so the staff nearby heard,â Jungkook answers truthfully, shaking his head slowly in the process.
You say that itâs a relief nothing else happened, and reiterate that you and Jimin have all exits covered.
You say that youâre sorry that it happened to him, and reiterate that youâre pressing charges.
You say that youâre there in case he wants to talk about it more, and reiterate that he has to wake up early so he and Hwayoung could go on the first flight back home.
Jungkook feels extraordinarily guilty. He feels so much regret in his stomach that he wants to throw up because your contained frustration for him is unbearable to the point that it brings him to tears.
"Give it to me," he inhales sharply, shoulders trembling as he buries his face in his hands. "Just give it to me."
âWhat are you talking about?â
"Why won't you yell at me?!â Jungkook sobs painfully, his own hand slapping down on his mouth as he tries to keep his volume down so Hwayoung could keep sleeping. He feels as if heâs tethering over the edge the longer that you look at him stoically, his fingernails digging to his palms roughly to the point that he draws blood. âWhy won't you tell me I told you so? Why can't you tell me that I had it coming?"
Everything and everyone except you is falling apart around Jungkook, and it brings him to his knees.
âDo you want me to punish you? Is that it?â you ask, clenching your jaw until it aches.Â
Jungkook looks miserable this way. He looks like a devastated sinner awaiting judgement from a god whom he once lost his faith to. He looks like your husband begging, not for forgiveness, but for something more painful for as long as you feel compensated for what heâs caused you.
âYou want me where to hit you where it hurts, Jungkook?â you laugh dryly, making him raise his head up as he nods slowly yet definitively, the tears on his face not close to stopping.
You say nothing while Jungkook expects everything, your husband unable to decode what you say under your breath as you turn your back on him to go shower.
You get out of the bathroom eventually, finally seeing that he doesnât have his forehead touching the carpet.
Instead, Jungkookâs passed out from crying and has himself curled up into a little ball on the same chair youâve sat on just awhile ago, with your clean change of clothes pressed on the bed right next to your daughter.
( ⥠)Â
Jungkook looks for you in everybody but he finds you in no one.
He woke up far earlier than his alarm (not that he had been in a deep slumber anyway) and the perpetual ache all over his body reminds him of that, his eyes glazing over you as if itâs the last heâll see of you for decades.
Hwayoung stirs awake at the same time that he does, and for a moment, Jungkook thinks that everythingâs okay.
For a split second, he mistakes today as one of your workdays wherein he wakes up early to prepare you your breakfast and it just happens that Hwayoung wanted to be a joey to a first-time kangaroo mother. He mistakes your little family in this hotel room to be a perfect one, wherein his only biggest hurdle in life is to keep his daughter inside his do-it-yourself sling while trying not to overcook your fried rice.
Apparently, Jungkook mistakes everything and everyone to be in favor of you, of him, to the point that he had deliberately ignored your plea to work with Eunsu all this time ago, and that decision of his has majorly, if not completely, undone everything you tried to work on for your family.
He tries to find you in the elderly lady who looks at him in pity as Hwayoung cries while theyâre in first class seats, the shallow breaths he tries to ground himself to (so he wouldnât panic and text you in fear of bothering you) doing nothing in the long run.
Your husband tries to find you in the foreign flight attendant who despite not knowing him or whom heâs married to, offers to hold Hwayoung as she explained that sheâs a mother and also has a toddler at home.
Jungkook tries to find you in the remnants of your perfume on his daughterâs shirt. Hwayoungâs already stopped crying after some time of being cradled by the flight attendant, and the sight of his daughter calming down because of a stranger (who is obviously better than him) makes him want to be ground to a fine powder for everyone to walk over.
He feels ashamed in a way that he canât even put into words. Jungkook feels far too inadequate, far too undeserving, and far, far pathetic that he fears not even his constant apologies to you would ever be enough.
Jungkook feels ashamed even when you take the last flight home and you go through the door like nothingâs wrong between the two of you, simply because Hwayoungâs watching. He feels like a dog fetching you your house slippers automatically but he wants to be reduced to something more filial; something a little more loyal to the point that itâs pathetic.
Your husband is ashamed even when youâre not awake and he canât see your eyes avoiding his whenever your daughterâs not around.
Jungkook holds you tighter in his sleep, going so far as to kneel by the side of your bed instead of reaching across you, so Hwayoung wouldn't be caught in the middle â even if sheâs already been since the start.
( ⥠)Â
Outside of you and Jungkook, only Jimin and Yoongi know about what happened.
You have your pride holding you back from telling your parents because in the back of your mind, there still lies the instinct of wanting to protect Jungkook, your own family, from the family that raised you.
You have no one to confide to except for your manager, whoâs technically obligated to know whatâs been going on with you when you suddenly call him up to tell that youâre surprising Jungkook in the US, only for your next call to consist of you asking for his help in a terse mannerâ and your best friend, who���s the first person Jimin calls whenever youâre in need of serious assistance.
Thereâs been no headlines of Eunsu breaking in and entering Jungkookâs hotel room, along with the follow-up details of how you and your daughter (whose existence is known but her privacy maintained to the highest level you can maintain) arrived as a surprise, only to be confounded by the very scene of your rival in a nightgown, held back by guards.
You know itâs going to come eventually.
You know the telltale dread that fills you up when something far bigger and beyond you is on its path to overtake you. The articles, the scrutiny, and the discourses havenât even entered the stage yet you already feel sick because this time, itâs not only your name thatâs going to be dragged into a situation you never thought would happen.
Itâs also your daughterâs.
âWe need to talk about Hwayoung,â you approach Jungkook as soon as you come home after your overtime, stilling in your tracks when you see Hwayoung sleeping in her pen.
Jungkookâs eyes linger on her before looking at you properly this time, the knot on his throat loosening at the prospect of whatâs been bothering his mind repeatedly, but with the promise of a solution that he hasnât arrived at, yet is bound to hurt him nonetheless.
âI was thinking the same thing.â
You sit on the far end of the baby blue floor couch as if you and Jungkook donât share a home together.
âWe look okay to her now but still,â you pause, looking down on your feet that are bruising from the heels youâve been filming with all day and night. âI donât want to put her in the middle of⌠everything that thisis.â
Jungkook nods, not only because he understands, but because heâs aware of everything, all the way from the guilt of being a husband to the guilt of being a dad.Â
âSheâs bound to ask questions too, and even if sheâs not asking them now, I feel bad having to keep her in the dark.â
âSheâs still young, Jungkook. I never thought Iâd say this, but I mean,â you sigh, shrugging defeatedly as you try to look for the right words. âIf we keep including her in situations that she shouldnât be a part of, weâre only bringing her closer to harm. For all we know, someone somewhere has a picture of her during the trip.â
âI-I tried my best. I moved as fast as I-âŚâ
âI know. I also tried my best when we took the trip to you,â you exhale heavily, trying to wrap your head around the complexity of the past week alone; you canât even understand why you pushed yourself to go back to work immediately after going back home. âIâm not saying that Hwayoungâs known already. Iâm just considering the possibility because we could never be too sure.â
Jungkook knows youâre trying to get rid of the guilt that forms in him for that matter, but for everything else, he knows better than to assume of you.
âDo youâŚâ he swallows. âDo you also think that Hwayoung needs a breather from us? Not the other way around, of course, but you know-âŚâ
âI know what you mean,â you nod your head, the guilt of being a mom to a Hwayoung coming easily these days. âItâll be good for her to be around other people. To be away from what we have going on.â
You and Jungkook share a guilt thatâs only unique to having Hwayoung under your circumstances, and itâs a burden you want to get rid of without ever hurting her in the process.
âWe canât have my parents babysit. They read me easily and I donât want them to know,â you confide, making your husband hang his head in shame even if it wasnât your intention.
âMy parents canât either. They went on a cruise.â
âI donât trust nannies,â you add, making Jungkook nod deliberately.
âWho can we trust then?â he sighs, rubbing his hand all over his face as he tries to scour his brain for people. âWho do we have in our lives that Hwayoung trusts too?â
Your head tilts after a few seconds in realization, and Jungkookâs mind drifts to his daughterâs godfather whether he likes it or not.
You and your husband have the same idea in mind, with one being less fond of it than the other.
âIâll call Yoongi.â
( ⥠)Â
âI want to be your personal assistant.â
Jungkook says in one breath, right in the middle of making your lunchbox.Â
You woke up early in the first place because you neither thought nor expected for him to do it for you, but with the way heâs nearly done and making more than necessary, youâre clearly due to be corrected.
Without Hwayoung to tend to, Jungkook itches to have a purpose. He wants to be needed even if he isnât and the thought always springs up on him whenever his girls are by themselves. The use of him, although not always necessary, is what keeps Jungkook up on his feet these days, nevermind the excruciating guilt and desperation of wanting to make it up to you.
He almost always came to accompany you to your shootings before Hwayoung came around and heâs reminded of it as he packages your meal, his shaking pupils meeting your own that are only begging for any sort of explanation.
Itâs not that you donât want Jungkook to try â it just happens that itâs been awhile since it was only, truly the two of you.
âWhy?"
âBecause I want to,â he merely shrugs, and when he steps out of the kitchen, you only keep your frown to yourself as you realize that heâs already dressed for the day.
Jungkook doesnât invade your space like he usually does but he sits close enough to you on the drive to your shooting location; enough for you to feel the warmth that radiates from him without being overwhelmed.
Itâs been more than a long time since this happened that youâve practically forgotten what it felt going to work with Jungkook.
You forgot how your husband steps out of the car first to hold all of your things in one hand with the other reaching out to help you down.Â
You forgot how he has a natural scowl on his face and how despite your staff knowing that youâre already married (and to him specifically), they canât believe the sight of the two of you together.
You forgot how Jungkook likes to hang around you as if heâs a dog with only one owner in any place he can call home as long as heâs with you, that you forget to tell Jimin that you havenât told your husband about the upcoming press conference at all.
Without even trying, Jungkook overhears Jimin (whoâs giving him the cold shoulder) going through your schedule for the next two weeks, his jaw grinding at the particular event that he already knows is important without any explanationâ
Without any heads-up from you at all, it seems like.
Jiminâs already left your trailer several minutes ago but Jungkookâs eyes are still fixated on the chair he sat on, his eyes looking past the flooring and deeper into the ground that he wants to be one with out of disbeliefâ out of shame, even.
You always told him about your schedule and you didnât leave anything out â itâs only now when it dawns on him that you havenât been telling him about your work at all.
âDo you not want me there?â he asks, his voice thick with confusion. âAre you embarrassed of me or something?â
âItâs not like that, Jungkook.â
âThen make me understand,â he pleads with the hint of despair, the disbelief that coats his tone all throughout being entirely transparent.
You didnât plan on how to break the news to him. You didnât plan on letting Jungkook know about the media event at all.
Thereâs no other response that springs up to your throat except for the one that only exists since heâs had that drunken fight with you.Â
âBecause I donât want you to ruin it again for me, okay?â you lick your lips, going more and more breathless the more that Jungkook mirrors how you looked back then when you begged him all those years ago. âBecause the last time that I had a big press conference like this, you ruined it for me too.âÂ
The thought of Sora, and then Eunsu, and then Jungkook himself come hand in hand, and you wonder when will you stop suffering from the though process that haunts you whenever youâre reminded of press conferences â of your entire work in general.
âI donât want to be reminded that you hate the life I gave you.â
Jungkook feels the urge to tuck his head in between his knees again, but he doesnât want to run away this time.
âI said Iâm sorry,â he surrenders as he lacks the words he had been telling you in numerous variations for the past days and weeks.
He didnât think it had hurt this bad the last time around.
"And I only forgave you because it seemed right at the time," you clench your jaw, your exhale being more shaky than you expected. âI only forgave you because I had Hwayoung in my mind."
( ⥠)Â
Jungkookâs getting back into the groove of being by your side at work.
Youâre still not fully adjusted to the sight of Jungkook during tapings, all while he moves about like itâs always been in his nature to assist you. Heâs overeager in a lot of things, so much so that his presence practically attracts more attention than you do on set.Â
It was just yesterday when Jungkook hollered and clapped his hands loudly after you say a long, emotional line before the director said cut and before your co-star could even say her line next, which led to you having to re-do the scene.
It was just two days before when he audibly groaned when an extra had to whistle at you for a scene and literally walked right into the set with his fists clenched, forgetting entirely that you were filming and that a random guy just didnât catcall his wife in front of him.
It was just two minutes ago, when you ban Jungkook completely from watching you act.
âIâll do it,â he perks up at the stylist as if he hadnât been sulking to you just two minutes ago, his hands already fixing themselves on your arms to get you to stand up.
âJungkook-âŚâ
âBut Mr. Jeon-â she squeaks, about to say her thrice-rehearsed piece of doing her job (everyone on set has been warned about your husband making them jobless) when Jungkook basically carries you to your dressing room.
âNo, no, I said Iâll do it!â he practically squeaks, setting you down wordlessly with a giddy smile on his face.
Jungkookâs too good at getting back into the groove of being by your side, you almost forget that the two of you arenât entirely okay.
He gets you into your gown with utmost care (albeit a little confusion along the way), his hands caressing you with the familiarity that only he carries. Jungkook carries a weight with him that settles when he touches you in any which way, the weariness of his fingers dispersing as soon as you give him the slightest attention.
He may have looked stupid pretending he didnât know how corsets worked or how petticoats are worn first before the actual gown, but his denseness had atleast bought a little more time from you.
A little more warmth.
Jungkook looks at you intimately, not in the way thatâs begging for you to want to jump his bones, but in the way that he knows who you hated throughout the workday while having his warm hands work on your calves.
He knows every inch of you, which may be the reason his hands feel warmer on you than you recall, all the way to the tips of your toes that feel trapped all of a sudden.
âOh, you donât have to do that. I think theyâre gonna swap out my shoes anyway because they wonât be seen,â you murmur, trying to avoid the heels and the pain they bring but not until he hushes you.
âIâm not putting on your heels. Iâm putting on your socks.â
âI donât need socks.â
âYour cold dogs keep rubbing up on my legs at night whenever you forget to put them on,â he snickers out of nowhere and it brings out a sudden snort from you, the brief and unorthodox moment hanging over you whilst the two of you gloss over the fact that not only have you not been intimate for so long, but youâve also not cuddled despite sleeping in the same bed.
Jungkook walks you to your set with his hands raised in surrender, already murmuring to your worried director that heâll stay out this time as soon as he finishes taking you.
âWait,â he squeaks before turning back to you, making everyone else hold their breaths to see if they could retain their jobs today. Jungkook carefully removes your wedding ring that you forgot to stash, wearing it snugly on his pinky instead. âJust for safekeeping.â
( ⥠)Â
Jungkookâs not fond of the rain.
Heâs not fond of it especially when your job requires you to stand under it.
âYour hazard pay should be ginormous for the work theyâre making you go through,â he mutters, holding up an umbrella for you as some stylists make quick work of already pre-soaking you before the scene starts.
âItâs just a little rain,â you roll your eyes, about to shove your hands in your pockets because itâs getting a little cold already yet Jungkook notices before you even could, holding both of them with just one massive hand as he leans the umbrella more to your side.
âThey should cancel the filming today. Itâs pouring,â he continues like heâs never heard you, even if the rain isnât terrifyingly bad. The weatherâs only fitting because the scene calls for it, but even so, Jungkook feels hesitant.
He lets go of your hands for a brief second to retrieve the handkerchief thatâs tucked to the waistband of his pants, already unraveling it for you in waiting.
âBlow.â
âWhat?â you narrow your eyes at him, looking down on the fabric until it finally hits you in realization.
âBlow your nose,â he nudges you, nodding his head to it but it only makes you shake your head even more.
âNo way!â
âJust blow your nose now so you wouldnât feel stuffy later.â
âIâm not gonna feel stuffy later. Itâs just a little rain,â you roll your eyes, crossing your arms together as you beg internally for the lighting to be fixed so you could shoo your husband away.
âBlow your nose while Iâm still asking.â
âEw, no. Iâll look like a child in front of â Jungkook!â
Before you could even comprehend it, Jungkookâs already pinching your nose with the handkerchief, forcibly making you blow your nose, uncaring of the swooning and oddly endeared eyes trained on the two of you.
âJust a little rain. Heh,â he mocks, folding the handkerchief back up with one hand to tuck back into his waistband. Jungkook moves on like itâs nothing, begrudgingly leaving you alone without an umbrella, but not without raising his voice enough for the other staff to hear. âIâll try to scare your management into raising your hazard pay.â
( ⥠)Â
Jungkook likes peeling fruits for you and Hwayoung.
He doesnât like the sticky residue nor the lasting smell that gets stuck underneath his fingernails, but he manages. Heâd only eat your leftovers and he wouldnât do it for himself anyway, even if he knows you always get a little irked by the fact.
Itâs his habit now to cut fruits for you in the most Hwayoung-tolerable slices possible, the bowl of tinily-cut tangerines underneath your hands as you skim through your script making him uncharacteristically silent; if he wasnât apologizing to you, you would be talking each otherâs ear off about Hwayoung.
He tries not to make a big deal out of brushing your hair because itâs been a while since the last time, instead reading your script along with you so heâll be distracted. Jungkook doesnât know if he can focus as hard as you do or remain like so for even longer, but at the moment, thereâs only one line on the script that stands out to him.
It stands out, not because itâs long nor vulgar, but because the line belongs to him.
âThat scene â will it be filmed today?â Jungkook asks, breaking the silence as he traces the words with his finger.
âHuh? This one?â you follow to where he points, shaking his head as you try to remember. âNo. Itâll be next week, I think. Iâm just memorizing in advance.â
Jungkook hums but itâs not out of interest, the sound that comes from him instead bordering on a wince. Thereâs a terse look on his face that you could only liken to jealousy, the thought of it unexpectedly making you snicker.
âCalm down, Jungkook. Itâs not a kissing scene.â
âBut you say I love you to him, though.â
âThatâs worse?â
âMaybe. Probably,â he shrugs, the uncalled-for thought about what heâd feel if thereâs a scene where you have to have (read: acting to have) sex making his throat close up painfully. âI canât tell.â
The thought crosses your mind too, but youâd rather not dwell on it.
âHow do I look like when I say I love you?â
Jungkook purses his lips, pausing from brushing out the section of hair heâs passed through more than ten times out of distraction (read: devastation).
You look like love itself if it had been personified.Â
You look like an unexplainable feeling in an interrupted dream he had been born with, and his sole mission in life is to seek you.
You look like what miracles do and heâs the first witness each and every time until youâre canonized by everyone, except he always wants to place himself at your feet as your first devotee.
âI know exactly what you look like when you tell me you love me,â Jungkook answers. âBut I donât want to tell you.â
âWhy not?â you laugh at his defensiveness, replacing your gaze on him through the mirror just to crane your neck up at him so you could see his reaction more closely.
âBecause you only have to act it out,â he shrugs, eventually laughing along with you even if he means every word. âI want to be the only one that knows what you look like when youâre saying the truth.â
( ⥠)Â
Itâs your first good day in a week and a half.
Itâs actually the first day wherein you and Jungkook talked simply because you wanted to; the first day wherein your conversations didnât revolve around Hwayoung and pestering Yoongi to send more pictures of her, and the first day wherein Jungkook didnât try apologizing.
You hum in content as you sit on the couch as soon as you come home, your husband following suit and sitting next to you instead of giving you space.
Thereâs only a centimeter worth of distance between your hands placed on the couch, and if Jungkook only twitched in faux accident, his pinky (the one that still wore your wedding band) would be brushing yours already.
âItâs like weâre kids again,â you smile to yourself, looking around the entire house. You remember how your ceilings didnât used to be this high and how your space didnât used to be this wide â you remember how you and Jungkook werenât always like this.
âWe are kids,â he emphasizes, playfully rolling his eyes.
âArenât we pushing thirty?â
âI donât wanna go into details right now,â he murmurs, slouching further into the couch and nearer to you, his hair thatâs growing past his ears lightly brushing against your shoulder.
Jungkook looks around the house too, his eyes glazing past Hwayoungâs playpen, the laundry of a family of three that heâs yet to fold, and the toys of a cat who hates him that he has to sort out soon enough.
Jungkookâs life wasnât always this way and although he appreciates the fact, heâs terrified by the possibility that itâll be this double-edged sword thatâs waiting to happen.
In the same way that worship is optional but devotion is necessary, Jungkook tries to hold you as tightly as he could without pushing you away.
âBaby,â he rasps out, chewing on his bottom lip as he tries to make sense of the ache that blooms in his chest. âWhat ifâŚâ
âWhatâs in your head, Kook?â
In the same way that devotion is necessary but worship is optional, Jungkook toes the line with a question that he has no telling what the answer is to.
âIf you had the option to have Hwayoung with someone who isnât me,â he clears his throat, trying to get rid of the immediate pang in his heart that follows.âWould you still have her?â
You think for a second and answer immediately, even if Jungkook wanted you to stay silent for longer because heâs afraid of what you would say.
âThatâs not Hwayoung then.â
âNo but I mean hypothetically, if you could have Hwayoung-âŚâ
âI got what you meant the first time,â you interrupt him, gently shrugging him to get up from your shoulder so heâd look at you without running away. âThatâs not Hwayoung,â you mumble, trying to keep up with the myriad of thoughts that he had opened up. âHwayoungâs only Hwayoung because sheâs part me and part you.â
Jungkook nods, except he doesnât understand. You could say your piece over and over again, but Jungkook still wouldnât understand because he doesnât know what he wants to hear from you either.
âBut what if she has all of you and you could pick someone else to be her dad,â he croaks, looking down on the floor with a grief that belongs only to him. âWould you still want her?â
âI want Hwayoung because sheâs my daughter with you, Jungkook,â you sigh. âI could pick someone to be her dad and that someone is you. I already chose you â whatâs hard to understand about that?â
You hear Jungkook asking you the question over and over again, even if his mouth is already shut. You see him looking at you with tears in his eyes even if theyâre downcast on the floor in reality.
You feel yourself wavering even if youâre definite about your answer.
âYou made me a mom and I made you a dad.â
âBut I doomed us into this,â Jungkook weakly counters. âIf only⌠i-if only I changed my ways earlier, if I â if I couldâve been just content with this perfect life you built for us, t-then we wouldnât be-âŚâ
Jungkook inhales sharply, the choke that soon follows ringing in your ears to the point that it pricks tears from your eyes.Â
âWe wouldnât be in this situation, Y/N. I turned us into this,â he sobs. âIf only I couldâve been s-satisfied, Hwayoung would be in my arms at this time while we wait for you to come home,â Jungkook shakes his head painfully, the clench of his fists evident even when youâre only looking at him from the corner of your eye. âIf only I thought everything youâ you spoon-fed me was enough, then Yoongi, of all people, wouldnât be babysitting our daughter right now,â he pauses. âWhy canât I be in your press conference?â
You donât have to look anywhere in the house to realize that Hwayoungâs playpen is empty.
You donât have to tune anything out to realize that Hwayoung isnât here in between the two of you, talking and giggling as you go about your day while youâre still wearing your outside clothes; while sheâs still in her pajamas because she wanted to wait for you to come home.
The gravity of everything hits you all at once, making you hiccup in tears.
âYou were really mean, Jungkook.â
In the same way that worship is optional but devotion is necessary, Jungkook listens to you even if itâs you cursing him.
âIâm not the best mom there is because Iâve missed so much milestones. I⌠I-Iâve missed so much trying to secure everything for you, for Hwayoung, f-for us because I donât know how much more I could take,â you sob, burying your face in your hands. âDo you know how hard it is for me? Do you know how hard it is for me to work alone while knowing that my husband and daughter have each other at home? That I donât have someone while I put myself out there?â
Thereâs a strain of grief in your heart that only you carry, and Jungkook canât do anything about it.
âI feel so, so, s-so fucking guilty, Jungkook!â you shriek, your cheeks turning blotchy the more that you cry. âI-I⌠I had to pick up this childâ this child actorâ over and over again because my fake role is to be his mother,â you strain a laugh humorlessly, trying to screw your eyes shut so you wouldnât see Hwayoungâs laundry from the corner of your eye. âMeanwhile, I canât even hold my own child because her appaâs already taking good care of her at home.â
In the same way that devotion is necessary but worship is optional, Jungkook takes it, takes you, should this be his punishment.
âJungkook, if you envy me, then you donât know how much I envy you more,â you exhale in defeat, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. âIf only I could, do you think I wouldnât drop everything just to stay at home with you and Hwayoung?âÂ
âYou could be mad at me all you want, Jungkook, but I still donât want you to go to the press con.âÂ
âItâs different now, Y/N,â Jungkook whispers, his eyes rubbed red and raw as he pleads with you silently because no word, no litany can save him now.
âBut how different is now from then? Itâs like weâre kids again, Jungkook,â you whisper. âIf you were the one in my place, would you drop everything if I asked you to?â you add, swallowing the lump in your throat. âCan you drop everything if I asked you to?â
( ⥠)Â
In a dream Jungkook doesnât tell anyone, heâs never met Sora, and you happen to be his first everything.
In a dream your husband doesnât tell anyone, he doesnât know of Eunsuâs existence, and if he were to know about her, he only happens to think about her as your rival and nothing more.
In a dream he doesnât tell anyone, he didnât wake up late in your bed, and he most certainly heard Yoongi ringing the bell eagerly because he wanted to take Hwayoung home to see the both of you before you go to your press conference.
Jungkook bounds down the stairs so quickly that he almost trips on the way down. His hair is still unkempt and his shirt remains askew, yet he still goes down anyway with a speed you canât even decipher because heâs already heard his daughter cheerful screaming.
"Up, up!" Hwayoung claps her hands, looking at Jungkookâs direction but not at him â instead, sheâs looking at Yoongi whoâs emerging from the kitchen.
In a dream Jungkook doesnât tell anyone, Hwayoung doesnât know anyone except for you and him.
âUp, appa! Up!â
In a nightmare that Jungkookâs experiencing in real time, Hwayoung mistakes Yoongi as her dad.
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