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notyourramona · 1 year ago

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Chapter 2 of Stages of Me

Tensions increase as characters do not see eye to eye like they used to. Main character struggles to feel respected by her crewmates while some of them desperately just try to reconnect with MC.

Word count: 7,516

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18+(for future chapters)

Minor Crimson Fleet spoilers thus far.

Chapter one

His boots were propped on the console and his hat tipped to cover a part of his face as the ship flew itself into the stars. Sam was trying his best to hush all the noise that was at the forefront of his thoughts in this moment and it was becoming extremely difficult. The new ship felt impersonable and cold but he knew it was because of his knee jerk hesitance to accept change at first. Still, he wasn’t fond of the new knowledge of how the ship was obtained and he was even less fond of how the last conversation he had tried to have with Ghoul turned into another argument. He knew what he was trying to say it was just the delivery, per usual, came out wrong. She didn’t have to subjugate her life to those dark impulses out of necessity any longer. It felt like he was a witness of how much of her soul was being drained from the perpetual motion of events she put herself through. If it wasn’t pushing her body through stars know what when she made physical contact with the Artifacts; it was the alcohol or drugs, even if she tried to deny the use of them, that deteriorated the real version of Ghoul he knew months ago. The version of her that pulled him in with such intensity as if they were two stars who were succumbing to a gravitational pull to come together as one. He could still taste her sweet lips on his tongue when he looked at her sometimes and it pained him that she never really acknowledged what happened between them. It wasn’t like Sam expected a commitment after one kiss but he knew deep down they had some chemistry. Some very real chemistry and that chemistry was slowly turning into tension that was repelling both of them as fast as they started colliding.

Chapter 2: Hemostasis pt. 2

“Dad.” Corra’s voice interrupted his thoughts and honestly, he was relieved she did. He slowly sat his body back into a normal sitting position to give his daughter his full attention while also trying to ignore the stiffness in his joints.

“Yeah kiddo?” He said fondly.

“Do you miss the Frontier?” She asked and he was curious where this line of questioning was going to go. Corra was standing there hugging herself nervously and it then occurred to Sam that his little girl was having some goodbye blues.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. Come here, sweat pea.” He always made sure to be as honest with her as was appropriate. She may have had a birthday recently but she was always going to be his little girl. She approached him with a bit of a scuffle and when she got close enough, he stood and gave her an Ashta sized hug. “It has only been a couple hours but I do miss the coziness of the ship. It was our home away from home.”

“I miss it a lot already too.” Corra looked up to him. “You looked sad, like you missed it too.” Now that last line surprised him and he started to stammer a bit.

“Uh, well. I didn’t think I looked that sad now.” Sam always did his best to shield her from any of his woes and he was just grateful she thought it was because of the ship and not the real reason. That was a conversation if he could avoid forever, he would.

“But this new ship is really nice and I think it will grow on the both of us. Captain has some good taste but don’t tell her I said that. It might get to her head.” He pointed to his own head when he said that for emphasis and to get a small chuckle out of his daughter.

Corra did respond to him with that little joyous laugh of hers and he could see that the small joke had eased a some of her distress from her mind. That was enough for Sam and one of the main reason’s he loved telling her his little silly jokes even when she would get embarrassed by him.

“Thanks dad.” She squeezed her arms around him one more time before she let go. “I am almost done organizing all of my books! I have so much more room for new books now!”

“Is that so?” He raised his eyebrow as his hands instinctively went to rest onto the belt that held his pants. It felt like a default position for him most times and occasionally brought him the most comfort for some reason. “Well, we will see how well you keep up with your area of the room and with your chores on the ship and maybe. And hear me when I say maybe, you will get a larger booker allowance.” Corra squealed a bit with delight and did a small twirl of excitement. Sam knew right then and there he was most definitely going to have to increase her book allowance anyway because once she had her mind on something she was going to find a way to get it.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best Dad!” Corra hugged him one more time before skipping away and seemingly forgetting she was even upset about The Frontier. The conversation had distracted him as well and it was one of the many things, he appreciated about being a father. No matter how distraught things felt some days he knew that as long as Corra was set up with a better future that was all that mattered. In fact, it was the driving point for him to come clean with a lot of his older habits and for him to quit his binge days on Neon. He stood alone in the cockpit once more and a part of him had the urge to just start walking. Sam followed his feet through the hallways of the ship and in the distance, he heard faint whispering. It was then he realized his intent was to try to reconnect with Ghoul again even if it was to just for them both to hash it out until they were on the same page again. He hated seeing her so defensive and to watch her slowly push him away. Sam was hoping desperately there would be a point very soon that made her see that he truly cared about her enough to stop her from hurting herself and it wasn’t a ploy to control what she does. It reminded him of himself within the first weeks before he decided to come clean. The world felt like it was after him for simply just trying to live but in reality, he wasn’t living at all. His boots echoed within the hall and the whispering ahead soon stopped and he heard Andreja speak with confidence about something.

Sam looked ahead and saw that Andreja was close to Ghoul even from where she stood and something about that closeness gave him a ping of jealousy. He knew they heard him come in when Andreja had looked at him in a skeptical gaze that she liked to give people. It was when her brows furrowed a fraction but her brown eyes looked as if they were daring you to challenge her.

“Wake me up when we arrive. Sarah ordered me to rest.” Ghoul spoke and that was when Sam noticed how annoyed Ghoul looked even with her eyes closed. In that moment Sam chickened out from his original plan of confronting her and walked over to the kitchenette to make a fresh cup of coffee. They only had about four cups to chose from and the closest one was a red coffee mug that said ‘I’m a House Va’ruun Spy’. Sam started to heat up the water in their electric kettle so he could at least have instant coffee and while he waited his fingers gently tapped the counter.

“Do you want to me to watch the ship?” Andreja said softly as she stood next to Sam and it almost made him jump because he didn’t even hear her walk up. Her stealth skills always got the best of him when he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings.

“Uh.” It was that moment he had realized that while he was so lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t greeted either of them when he walked in. It wasn’t like he had to but he was trying extremely hard to play it cool even if his mind was all over the place. If he didn’t think Andreja could kick his ass with a few close-combat moves he would have liked to take a moment to try to interrogate her about what she was thinking when she agreed to encourage their captain to play cards on The Key. Andreja, out of all of them, was normally the strict personality with the least amount of morally grey qualities to her so it made even less sense that she was okay with being there any more than he would of.

“Yeah, if you are comfortable with it. I could use a bite to eat and a wink of sleep myself.” Andreja was now leaning back onto the other side of the counter they were both standing at and her arms were crossed as she watched him make the cup of coffee. He thought for a moment he saw a small smile appear on her face after she had read what the mug had said but he was also serious about needing a bit of sleep so he could have imagined it.

“Piloting isn’t my expertise but considering it’s mostly going to be in autopilot from here out I think I can manage.” She said with a bit of humor in her voice. Andreja had taken a quick peek at Ghoul for a moment before she continued and the notion made Sam brace himself. Then she softly spoke to him. “I won’t pretend I do not know what is going on but I also know nothing I will say will make much of a difference.”

“Then why say anything at all?” Sam said with a passiveness that slipped before he could stop himself. He took a sip of his coffee to try to ignore that happened.

“Because you both happen to have grown on me very much and I am not enjoying how long this conflict is lasting. You need to let her learn on her own.”

“Yeah, and how long will that be?”

“As long as it takes.” Andreja shrugged as if it was an obvious answer. “You forget she didn’t have a someone lay a foundation for her when she was younger like some of us. We both may have not had the best of families but at least we had one.”

Sam thought about Jacob Coe for a moment and hated that he couldn’t disagree with her even if he didn’t really have fond memories of his father. He didn’t know the details about Andreja’s past but had an idea that she grew up like some of the LIST families do just outside of the Settled Systems, independent and all alone out there.

“There comes a time where you have to accept responsibility for your actions no matter what your past has been like.” He said with conviction. Sam could hear the harshness in his tone but he truly believed Ghoul was bigger than what she has been through. Hell, he had seen her recover from the worst with his own eyes and he was more than willing to be the anchor she needed to keep herself grounded. Andreja sighed at him and stopped leaning on the counter transforming her stance into something a bit more intimidating. Sam couldn’t tell if she was doing that subconsciously or purposely.

“I think you should consider being… softer with your approach. I know she may not always be in the right but I believe in her to make the right choices when it comes down to it.” Andreja’s accent was emphasizing her words and her eyes burned with a confidence in their Captain. Sam rarely saw that passion within her unless it was to slay their enemies so he knew in this moment she was talking from the heart. Sam was mulling over what Andreja had said for a moment. Ghoul did say some really fucked up shit to him earlier today but he also was the one who came off more judgmental than he intended. They both heard a small gasp and it made them both tense up as they turned to see Ghoul sitting awake and covered in sweat.

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The feeling of falling overwhelmed Ghoul’s nervous system as she suddenly sat awake from her deep slumber. It was easier to blame the lack of sleep on a small ship with no room on it than to acknowledge the fact that some of her nightmares had slowly been coming back again. There was a time period in the beginning of her travels where she seemed to be free of the terrors her dreams brought her but lately it felt like her brain was trying to plague her all over again. Her skin felt sticky in sweat and she applied pressure to her face with her hands in an attempt to soothe herself for the moment, to feel she was real. Ghoul felt eyes on her and it distracted her enough from her nightmare.

“I’m fine.” Her hands muffled her voice but she didn’t bother to wait for them to ask. Their concern was written on their faces as if she was shot and bleeding out. The both of them could be overbearing when they worked together and it was something she both loved yet hated.

“That seems to be your new catchphrase.” Sam said sarcastically at her before he went on with whatever he was doing in the first place. Ghoul dropped her hands from her face just to roll her eyes at him. She enjoyed that they each had their own bed at this point but she thought about having bigger goals next time like for everyone to get their own rooms in the next upgrade. Andreja had yet to say anything to Ghoul and honestly, she appreciated it because Andreja was skilled with knowing when words were preferred or not. Ghoul pushed herself off her bed and tried to fix her bed hair and smooth out her clothing.

“Are we close to Cydonia? How long was I out?” Ghoul looked around the ship to see if there was a clock but she remembered the Constellation watch on her left wrist and it showed she had only been out for 25 minutes. That newfound knowledge made her want to scream. “Never mind.”

“I was heading to the cockpit to take over for Sam unless you wanted to operate the ship, Captain.” Andreja offered and that was when Ghoul realized none of them were attending the ship. Sam had heated up something and was sitting at the table, stuffing his face full of brown gravy and some kind of meat. Even if the sight of that goop made her want to gag, she couldn’t blame him because they didn’t have a lot of time to eat on the last planet. Ghoul couldn’t tell if Andreja either really didn’t want to man the new ship or she knew Ghoul would rather be distracted after waking up like that.

“Yeah, good idea.” Ghoul’s hand found itself tangled in her hair once again and then on the back of her neck subconsciously trying to release some of the tension. “I’ll go do that. You both should rest, you deserve it.” Her last line is what caught the attention of Sam before she finally walked her way to the cockpit as she snapped and clapped her hands. Her eyes felt heavy but she was going to do her best to be in a better mood than earlier.

The cockpit was dark but all of the controls and buttons were lit up in different shades of green, yellow, white, and red for their various categories. When Ghoul sat in the blue faux leather chair, she felt her body relax into it as if it was made for her. The captain’s chair on this ship was bigger and it was just another benefit this ship had to offer that gave her pride for being able to pull this big purchase off. Though there was a lot to marvel in front of her, her mind felt clouded and heavy as she sat there with the accumulation of all her thoughts. She regretted not grabbing herself a cup of coffee before manning the ship but she knew it was only a bit of time before her mind would clear again.

She went to prop her feet on the dash and as she did, she accidentally kicked a switch that triggered a chain of events that abruptly caused the ship to lurch forward a bit and stop in place. Ghoul herself fell face forward onto the console with a rough smack and the sharp pain from impact made her hiss.

“Damnit.” She growled at herself and she looked out ahead into the stars to see if she could tell where they stopped. That was when she noticed this ship’s dash had the navigation center built in to the left of her and she was excited about the convenience of this. It indicated that there were just on the outskirts of the Sol system and that provided some relief. The feeling soon ended as she watched two Va’ruun ships warp into their field of vision. Ghoul was trying to think quickly on whether it was smarter to go in hot or cut the power to the engines and hope they didn’t pick them up.

“What is that?” Ghoul heard Sam ask as Andreja, and Corra walked behind him into the room of the cockpit to see what exactly caused that minor malfunction of the ship. Ghoul was a bit embarrassed about knocking them out of warp in such a silly manner but she didn’t have time to be coy.

“Two House Va’ruun ships warped into the same space we just did and I accidentally kicked the ship out of autopilot.” Ghoul said with composure as she initiated the process to power down the ship to its minimum output levels. It felt like it was taking her longer than usual to perform this particular task because she had yet had an opportunity to go over the controls before she took her very short nap. She found herself looking for the reactor gauge for a moment and Sam silently pointed to it as if he read her mind. She gave him a grateful smile as she finished up the process. There were two passenger seats that sat one on each side of the captain’s chair and Andreja and Sam got in their positions without question or further context.

“Hey Kiddo, my mind would be at ease if I knew you were buckled up over there.” Ghoul said to Corra with a softness she only reserved for the tiny Coe. Corra didn’t say a word but immediately sat in one of the extra seats behind the three of them. Ghoul caught Sam giving her a smile of gratitude while he finished setting up his own buckles. She knew that Corra was less likely to ask questions if Ghoul said something from her captain’s chair because that kid knew when it she was giving orders from the chair it was go-time.

“Plan?” Andreja asked as she stared at the other ships with disgust. Ghoul knowing why she would make that face looked at Andreja with a subtle sympathy.

“I would prefer not to get a scratch on our new ship but if we are detected we are most likely going to have to blast them out of space.” Ghoul now went into command mode and it was a role she was felt comfortable in when they got into situations like these. “Sam please keep an eye on ship vitals and you have a better shot so I will switch missiles to your seat. Andreja ballistics will be your friend today and if I cannot get us to warp before being caught then I guess we are going to see how much mobility this ship really has today.” In a unison they both said ‘Aye, Captain’ and took over their positions while Ghoul slowly begun to move the ship forward.

“Corra, please grab the spacesuit above you and put it on while the ship is still stable. I am sure your father would rather us be safe than sorry.” Ghoul threw the command behind her before locking her eyes on the path ahead. The ship was larger than the Frontier had felt and she could feel how sensitive the throttle systems were. It was a delicate balance of not using too much power to be detected but still make some progress to get out of their scanner radius. Over the comms they could hear the enemy ships hail each other and it sounded like that were looking for something in particular.

“Easy now.” Sam whispered to Ghoul after her hand slipped and pushed the ship forward a little too fast. The enemy thankfully was still unaware of their presence and if she could help it, she would keep it that way till the very end. The three of them were feeling the immense pressure to not make a sound and be a hair trigger a way from engaging with hostile ships. The time seemed to be dragging out as they were getting closer to their targeted area to warp out. Ghoul could taste victory on the tip of her tongue.

“What’s that?! Get them!” They heard the voices of the Va’ruun ships come through the comms and Ghoul’s heart sank as she quickly begun to power up the Longsword. She was really hoping she wouldn’t have to fight in her new baby today but it looks like the universe had other plans for her, as per usual.

“Fuck” She cursed under her breath as she tried to control her initial reaction. The last thing Ghoul wanted to do was alarm Corra and she could see that Andreja and Sam were both doing their best to stay commposed. “Weapons ready?”

“Missiles.” Sam confirmed.

“Ballistics.” Andreja confirmed as well.

“Well let’s see how she flies.” Ghoul said as she heard the ship warm up to the new surge of power. She applied full force to the thrusters and they begun their path to the other two ships.

“Fuck now there are three of them!” The enemy ships yelled and that statement took the three crew members by surprise. Behind the two Va’ruun ships were two Crimson Fleet vessels and they didn’t appear to be the usual outfitted Crimson Fleet ships.

“Andreja please run a scan on those ships.” Ghoul commanded and her body tensed with anticipation till she saw the ship IDs within the scanner. Those identification numbers were eerily similar to ones she had been reading about earlier and then the realization hit her. It was Delgado and Naeva. She felt her heart sink.

“Sam, remember that conversation we had about those of us who are on a need-to-know bases?” Ghoul leaned into him and asked softly so Corra wouldn’t hear them. She knew even if the tiny Coe did, she most likely wouldn’t figure out what they were talking about. Sam caught the cue and even though he didn’t look extremely pleased he went ahead to unbuckle himself from position.

“Get us the hell out of here as quickly as you can.” Sam whispered back to her before he motioned for Corra to come with him.

“What? Why are we-.” Corra began to protest but Sam wasn’t allowing her any wiggle room for protesting in this moment.

“It’s the Captain’s order. We have to go now.” Ghoul saw in Sam’s eyes it pained him to be so abrupt with his daughter but they had both agreed under no circumstances should Corra know about Ghoul’s involvement with the Crimson Fleet. It was not only for his daughter’s safety, were anything happen, but because Ghoul also could not bring herself to share that side of the world with the child. Once the two of the Coe’s were out of the cockpit and for sure in the crew’s station of the back of the ship, Ghoul sighed heavily. There weren’t a lot of options and it looked like the battle had already begun.

“The missiles are now assigned to me but I would appreciate it if you kept an eye on ship vitals for me.” Ghoul said to Andreja who hadn’t said a word. She knew Andreja recognized what the scanner had inferred and understood the short conversation Ghoul had with Sam.

“Yes, Captain.” Andreja’s voice was controlled and calm. Her cool composure was the one thing that was helping Ghoul not unravel herself and she was supposed to be the leader. Ghoul directed the ship forward with max speed and as she swung it around the House Va’ruun ships there were lasers that hit one of the wings of the ship. Inside she cursed herself to hell but she kept her hands steady and Andreja without needing command already started to deliver the might of their new ballistic weapons system. The Crimson Fleet ships were originally shooting at all moving objects within their field of vision but they soon noticed that the Longsword wasn’t engaging with them. Once both of the House Va’ruun ships exploded into smithereens from the combined forces of the three ships was when Ghoul finally received a hail from Delgado and Naeva.

“Do we got ourselves a friend or a foe?” Naeva’s spunky voice came through laced with challenge. Ghoul took a deep breath trying her best to get herself into the headspace of the ruthless Rook they welcomed into the Fleet not so long ago.

“Could be either depending on how many fucking times your weapons make contact with my ship, Naeva!” Ghoul added a bit of cocky gravel to her voice that sounded almost out of body to her own ears. She even noticed a shift in Andreja’s body that noted that it sounded off to her as well.

“Oh, would you look at that Delgado? The Rook is alive and well. Looks like she has been dicking around instead of meeting with your contact.” Naeva completely ignored the threat Ghoul gave but that was the type of game she liked to play. Naeva was the first to smile in someone’s face then smash their skull on the closest blunt object. She wasn’t second in command to Delgado for nothing.

“I really hope you have a good explanation for this, Rook.” Delgado’s voice came through this time. His rough mannerism traveled through the comms as well giving Ghoul a shiver down her back.

“You can see the reason if you open your eyes, Delgado.” Ghoul quipped with the sound of disbelief as if the reason was so obvious it was offensive that they didn’t notice. It was like a knife’s edge when she spoke to the King of the Crimson Fleet. She couldn’t be seen as a weak individual but there was a pecking order that was to be adhered to or there would be consequences.

“Are you referring to that large trash heap you are piloting? You didn’t take me as someone who would pride themselves with trash.” Ghoul could hear the smile within his insult.

“Well, if you think so poorly of my new vessel. I guess that just confirms the man’s life I ended to retrieve it had nothing to lose after all.” She lied through her teeth as she laughed about her imaginary murder.

“Enough games, Rook.” Naeva commanded through the box, “We have some catching up to do and it’s clear you can’t get something done without a fucking tight leash.”

“Naeva, don’t.” Delgado warned his second in command. “You do owe us an explanation, Rook, for missing in action for over a week now and not even completing the task assigned to you. If I were to know any better, I would think you are trying to leave the Fleet.”

“And no one and I mean no one, leaves the Crimson Fleet.” Naeva threatened. This was slowly becoming a very complicated situation and Ghoul knew she couldn’t just follow them to the Key with Corra on board, Sam would never forgive her even if he stayed on ship with her.

“This can all be easily explained if you want me to lay out my entire schedule including when I have eaten, took a piss break, and slept.” She deflected to humor because it felt like the safest option without seeming suspicious. Ghoul’s humor was a mask for the fear that was creeping up inside her. It was normally very easy to persuade herself out of sticky situations but this time it was obvious she was backed into a corner and it was quite possible they had been out here looking for her.

“I’d be careful with who you are speaking to.” Naeva threatened Ghoul again.

“If it’s so easy to explain then there shouldn’t be an issue with you docking onto my ship and coming aboard to explain.” Delgado didn’t leave any room for her to refuse and she knew if she did, she’d be putting the other lives on her ship in danger.

“Fine, if that’s what it will take to get you both off my ass.” She let some of her genuine frustration come through with that statement. “Give me some time to dock and gather some of my loot on this ship. I’ll have someone retrieve the ship later so I expect you both to leave it unharmed.” Ghoul wasn’t in a place to be making demands since they were both already suspicious of her and her last whereabouts but she need to at least try to ensure everyone else’s safety.

“If it means so much to you, then fine. But if we suspect you are telling us anything other than the truth the ship will be blown to pieces and you will be floating along with it.” Those were Delgado’s last words before they ended communications and both ships waited for Ghoul in the black void to come on board. When Ghoul was sure their comms was no longer connected, she let out the biggest sigh of relief and sunk into the back of her chair. There were a lot of thoughts and emotions swimming violently in her head. It was a few moments later when she noticed the face of an extremely unhappy Andreja.

“Did you just agree to get onto Delgado’s ship, alone?” She asked and Ghoul knew it was a rhetorical question and more of a ‘what the hell were you thinking’ type question.

“What was the alternative?” Ghoul challenged her, not really wanting to hear any criticism about how she could have handled the delicate situation. It wasn’t really like they had given her a list of options or without it ending them being space dust.

“I am not sure but I don’t think going onto a Crimson Fleet ship with no backup was the right call.” Andreja protested some more and Ghoul just looked at the two ships ahead of them trying her best not to engage with the argument. Normally Andreja knew to just trust Ghoul but she could see the worry on her friend’s face.

“Perhaps not, but you need to remember I am undercover. I have to be in these situations and I have to be able to keep you all safe while putting myself into these situations.”

“What situation?” Sam had come back to the cockpit alone thankfully, but it was horrible timing. Ghoul wasn’t ready to hear it from him as well.

“Delgado requests our Captain to get onto his ship and explain what she has been doing the past week instead of meeting with his contact. Alone!” Andreja beat Ghoul to the punch of giving him an explanation and Ghoul gave her an angry stare.

“Excuse me?” Sam said in disbelief and Ghoul felt the room tense up further. The thoughts that swarmed her mind were getting to a point where she couldn’t really hear anything else that was going on and she felt on the edge of exploding.

“Again, sorry for choosing the path that kept all of you alive. Next time I will just let our enemies blast us out the sky and if there is a next life you both can be angry with my decisions then!” She was feeling extremely defensive and annoyed with the two of them and decided instead of hearing anything else either of them had to say she would rather not be in the room. So, she got out of the chair and pushed past Sam in anger. Sam however was not about to let her run off so easily because he was livid himself. It wasn’t long before his heavy footsteps quickened their pace behind her and she felt herself get cornered into one of the storage rooms.

“Hey! Stop!” He said with an irate vigor in his voice. Ghoul was staring at the shelved wall in the storage room acting as if she was trying to look for something. She had no interested in repeating the same conversation over and over. Last she checked she was their captain and they were supposed to trust her, even if it seemed like she was throwing herself to the wolves. Sam’s hand was on her arm as he twisted her around with a force she wasn’t expecting. It was a force she hadn’t felt from him since before they left New Atlantis.

“Stop, stop pushing us out and listen.” He practically begged her and his eyes were burning into hers as both his hands held her into place in front of him. “I don’t know what has been going on in that pretty little head of yours lately but we need to talk, now.”

“Talk to you about what? The same conversation? How you don’t agree with my actions? How neither of you seem to trust in my decision making when it matters?” Ghoul responded back as quick as a gunshot and her face was masked with anger but really, she was just tired of having these fights with Sam. She missed the silence they use to be able to share comfortably or when he would just know when she needed something to make her laugh. The tension was just so fucking overwhelming. “I’m undercover. Do I want to be? No! But it seems like everyone in this fucking universe needs something from me and I can only do so many fucking things right.”

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“Ghoul you-.” Sam looked as if he was ready to fire right back at her but he felt the sudden defeat in her body before he saw the tears that begun to swell in her yellow eyes. His posture and grip softened for a moment and he remembered the advice Andreja had given to him earlier. He found his right hand gently pressing her bright red hair out her face and he thought about the several colors she had changed it to in the past three months they had traveled together and something about that made him smile to himself. It was just something that was very her and he held on to that thought. “It’s just-. We do trust you-.”

“You have a hell of a way to show it.” Ghoul interrupted him angrily and he saw how much effort she was putting in to not let any of her tears fall. The guards she was constantly putting up was painful for him to watch and he could only imagine the lengths she went through to keep them fortified.

“I can’t stand to think about anything happening to you, okay? Especially if…especially if I could have done something about it and I didn’t stop you.” Sam stammered with his choice of words and he was trying his best to clearly communicate. It was not easy with how bad his heart was pounding from the whole situation. The thought of her just putting herself on line and walking right into that trap, it riled him up.

“I can take care of myself.” Ghoul said softly and she gently nudged Sam to let go of her arms so he did. Her eyes looked past him and into a void of thought he wish he could hear so he knew what the right words were. It was obvious she was going to at least stand there for a few moments longer and he was going to do his damned best to get her to at least know how much he cared for her wellbeing. At the very least.

“No one is denying that, darling.” Her eyes snapped back to his as if calling her darling beckoned her back to him. “I need you to know that I…we have your back.”

“Yeah?” She sounded skeptical and that was a tiny blow to his ego. Had he really been acting in such a way where she really thought he wasn’t in her corner anymore?

“Yes, I promise. You made your decision and I know you chose it with everyone’s wellbeing in mind, even if it is not…well…just, I cannot thank you enough for the things you do to keep Corra safe. I am not sure I ever will be able to. But you have got to know that.” He found himself emphasizing the last line and practically begging for her to hear him, truly hear him.

“You are not alone and honestly you havent been at least not since the day I watched you convince a whole gang to just walk out of that Galbank and cut their losses. And yes, the universe has been stretching us to the ends of it all to figure out exactly what these Artifacts are for but Ghoul.” Their eyes were still locked as Sam tried to find the right words he wanted to use and he felt they were truly the only two on this entire ship. He wondered if she felt it too.

“Please…just…stay alive.” He leaned forward towards her. Connecting his forehead with hers, breaking their eye contact but he needed to be close with her. He felt the hitch in her breathing but she didn’t step back this time and instead leaned more into him as their eyes closed and they just felt each other’s physical connection. It was the first sliver of peace they had have between each other for weeks. Sam felt the gentleness of Ghoul’s hand on his beard and when he looked back at her there was now a slow flow of tears falling from her eyes.

“Of course, I will cowboy.” She sniffled softly and the crook of a small smile appeared on her lips. “I couldn’t just let them on this ship Sam not with Corra, not with them finding you or Andreja.” Sam absolutely hated the prospect of Ghoul giving herself up for his welling being yet again. The fears that he had when they were on Neon pained his chest but he held it in and chose not to argue. She was right they needed to trust her. Ghoul was wiping some of the tears off her face and Sam lent a finger to rub one off of her cheek.

“I’m going to be fine. It’s only going to be for a short period of time and I will be back before you can say, ‘are you sure you want to carry that?” She teased him and there was relief on her face that accompanied the smile that was in her eyes. He hesitated before deciding to step back from her and allow her some space. They both took an awkward moment to dust themselves off because they were normally not this physically close and even though there was a strong urge in him to touch her skin again, he held himself.

“Are you going to say goodbye to Corra? What are we going to tell her?” Sam asked directing the conversation away from the awkward silence that filled the storage room they were in. He would rather this awkwardness any day over the tension they had both were originally feeling.

“You, are going to tell her whatever you want because you are her father. I am going to go on Delgado’s ship and make them believe I am just another stupid Rook.” Ghoul said without pausing and Sam crossed his arms not entirely happy with the decision that it was up to him to pick the lie for his daughter. He was a bad liar and if Ghoul didn’t come back what was he going to tell Corra then? He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. But he knew it was a temporary and he also didn’t want Corra to stress over their captain. Ghoul’s hand was now on his shoulder and she gave him a confident smile.

“What is that thing Vladmir says? Catch a smile out there?” Ghoul gripped his shoulder and he laughed at her for trying to impersonate Vlad’s accent.

“Yes. Catch a smile out there.” Sam’s voice was nonchalant but the inside of his body was screaming to not let her go out there alone and onto a ship of wolves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ghoul had her pirate suit on and the airlock had finally finished stabilizing the air for her to walk through the door to Delgado’s ship. The process was long enough for her to rehearse in her head who she was to be now that she was going to be on Delgado’s ship. She was a Crimson Fleet pirate, she took what she wanted, she lived to fight against the UC and Freestar Rangers, and most of all she did not give a fuck about anything other than her own gains. The airlock door finally opened and there Delgado stood with two other armed men on each side of him. He had a foxy grin on his face as if he expected her to chicken out of this meeting.

“Ah, there she is.” Delgado crooned and he snapped his fingers ordering his guards to relax their position and allow her to walk nearby. “I am extremely interested in these excuses you have for not meeting with your contact as ordered. You are lucky you were the one who helped us find another clue to Kryx’s legacy or else you would be dust by now.”

“I didn’t realize you were being so kind, Del. Next time I will make sure to bring you a fucking bouquet of flowers to show my gratitude.” Ghoul wanted to make it clear that his threats, no matter what they were didn’t disarm her. Delgado looked her up and down and he seemed to be amused at her response. He snapped again but this time his men went to grab both of her arms to restrain her. Immediately Ghoul tried to fight them off because she knew if she just allowed herself to be captured it would be a sign of weak submission in the eyes of this pirate. She used her foot to trip one of the men and it loosened his grip enough for her to slip her arm out of his hold, and then push the back of his helmet into the other guard. The two men collided and before they had the chance to both turn back onto her, she had disarmed them of one of their guns and pointed it directly at them.

“Is this really necessary?” Ghoul hissed at Delgado and he watched her like a hawk ready to swoop in and pluck her eyes out at any moment.

“Perhaps not.” He waved them away and then looked back at his other crew. She wasn’t sure if she saw it correctly or not but he looked pleased with her response. “Undock from that piece of garbage and set coordinates for The Key. We have much to get to in the next few months.”

“Months?” Ghoul snapped suddenly and slightly out of her usual pirate character. Delgado had an eyebrow raised at her suspiciously from her response.

“Do you have somewhere else to be that’s more important than Kryx’s legacy?” He challenged her and the tone in his voice made it very clear this was a dangerous rhetorical question. Ghoul shook her head and tossed the gun to the side trying her best not to think about the fact that she had absolutely no way to communicate with the others about this development. She had left anything that tied her to Constellation on the ship. That included her watch given to her when she first joined that was her primary telecommunications device. What in the fuck was she going to do?

#sam coe #starfield #starfield fanfiction #fanfic #Delgado #crimson fleet #ao3fic #sam coe x spacefarer #a wee bit of fluff #Please enjoy!#and if possible show support on ao3!

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tenjiiku · 2 years ago

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do u have any movie / song recs atm 🥰?? i wanna be inspired to write like you do... but not in that sense if ykwim haha!! i just really love the way you write !! so im looking for inspiration,, if thats okay with u ofc ☝️

Heyyy lol ofcc I love talking abt media I love! Tbh I do not watch a lot of movies but I do have a lot of book recs some of which have movie adaptations.

Movies/Books;

The Hunger Games series, Suzanne Collins. Katniss and Peeta invented love and romance. I can go on about these two forever, but I will simply mention the beach scene b/t them in Catching Fire. That changed me fundamentally, altered my brain chemistry permanently, etc etc. Also of course the critique on capitalism in a Western society and how despite the violence such a system can breed Love will ever and remain forever as long as hope prevails.

Strange Weather in Tokyo, Hiromi Kawakami. I love dialogue, and this story has so much of it. And also I adore stories of the mundane. The fact that the protagonist is a woman in her late 30s brings such a refreshing perspective on the woes and joys of life. I read this book last Fall when it was a particularly rough time for me and I was going through a lot of changes. This really grounded my feelings.

Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami. I know Murakami gets a lot of shit for how he writes female characters but I adore the female characters in this novel, particularly Naoko and Midori. I love how he describes their emotions through dialogue. It is so cut and dry at times it hits straight to my gut. The conclusion and resolution left me thinking for months.

Flowers for Algernon, Daniel Keyes. Until recently I just discovered this was a required reading in a lot of American schools, which was a surprise because I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and quite frankly most of my assigned readings in school were not as interesting. I really really really enjoyed learning more about the character of Charlie through diary entries. And how his style of writing changes as he goes through so many trials and tribulations to only end up back to where he started. Really a think piece for me.

Snow Country, Yasunari Kawabata. I absolutely adored the imagery in this novel. It also left me thinking for days, and I still cannot articulate myself properly to describe it. Wonderful read.

Bones and All, Camille DeAngelis. I hold Maren so near and dear to my heart. The idea of using cannibalism as an allegory for coming-of-age brings such a unique and powerful perspective to girlhood, something I had been searching for in so many novels but never quite received. Maren and Lee’s relationship is both sweet and tragic. The movie is also wonderful.

All About Lily Chou Chou. I first watched this movie when I was 14 or 15, which I should not have done lol. Its subject matters are so dark, and I feel so badly for all the female characters in this movie. The message it sends is so simple, but the cinematography is both beautiful and haunting.

Artists/Songs;

Ethel Cain. By far my number one inspo lol. I do not use Spotify regularly besides to create playlists but I feel like she would be my number one listened to. I adore her ep Inbred, particularly the songs Michelle Pfeiffer and Crush. They are such yearning songs, and describe how I love so so personally. Of course, Preacher’s Daughter is a masterpiece of an album. Strangers and Family Tree are my favourites

Mitski. I honestly do not know how to express how much of an influence she has been on everything I produce. I’ve raved about her so much. Puberty 2 will always, always, always be the soundtrack to my highschool life lol it is honestly concerning how much I was listening to her in year 9. Bury me at makeout creek will always inspire me to write romance. It just gets me into the mood to both drown and create.

Gracie Abrams. I love the simplicity of her lyrics, and some of my works are written honestly based on one lyric that I might find out stuck out to me for many of her things. I find her music so universal and open to interpretation, and I love that! I think that it leaves a lot of room to think, it can apply to so many people and touch so many topics. I particularly love songs from the deluxe version of her album Good Riddance (405, Two People, Unsteady) I listened to Two People writing the hanshin expressway lol.

Beabadoobee. I love Beatrice, I have been listening to her for so long. I love how she is so expressive with all of her songs and genres and lyrics. Honestly, I love her entire discography. Like I do not think I do not have a song of hers I skip.

Japanese Breakfast. I love Michelle. Her songs all feel like warm hugs! And also some of them want to make me dance! I listened to her so much taking the train home back from uni when I needed a pick me up lol.

#inbox #I went kind of crazy here but I loveee consuming media and discussing abt it!!

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visualtaehyun · 1 year ago

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Hi ✨ chances are you're here because of one of my posts about language in Thai shows (mostly BL tbh). And since I kind of keep writing more of those, I thought I should do some better housekeeping and neatly collect them in a pinned post. So here ya go!

- all posts about language in Thai series and fandom: #local woman harps on about linguistics Thai QL fandom 101 & 102

- all other posts related to Thai language, culture, shows or artists: #bella and the blorbos (edits, gifs, memes, basically any original post lol) #local woman harps on about znn (translations, edits, etc. related to NuNew, Zee Pruk, and ZNN) #ql musings (meta, thoughts etc.) #thai - #thai language - #thai music - #linguistics

- specific posts and series tags under the cut!

-- BY SHOW

Be My Favorite

Hidden Agenda

Only Friends

Naughty Babe

Lucky My Love

Love Senior

Last Twilight

Dead Friend Forever

1000 Years Old

23.5

We Are

Love Sea

The Trainee

Jack & Joker

Apple My Love

The Heart Killers

Your Sky

> La Pluie - #bella watches la pluie > Cutie Pie - #bella rewatches ning hia

-- ONE-OFFS

Wedding Plan ep. 2 - Wa & Rine

Wednesday Club - Wednesday's child is full of woe | Naming conventions of Tam's yadom

Cooking Crush ep. 1 - Onion-or-kiss pun

Pit Babe ep. 13 - CharlieBabe NC

Only Boo! - pilot | official trailer | 'phi chai'

My Love Mix-Up! - re: an ask about the pronouns

Sunset x Vibes ep. 3 - re: Thai subs of the Mandarin portion translated | chronically online Pim

Star in My Mind - re: an ask about how KluenDao speak

Monster Next Door - 'khrap'

LITA - re: an ask about PrapaiSky + pronouns

-- MISC.

re: a BossNoeul clip - sugar daddy/DILF meme and song (ฟ้ารักพ่อ by Badmixy)

re: a Last Twilight post - A clownery of typos and homonyms in romanization

re: a Pavel tweet - an attempt to explain and contextualize ผัว /pua/ and เมีย /mia/

re: an ask about Cherry Magic - Khun X's twt space about the Marriage Equality lines translated

re: We Are ep. 2 - Stir-fried water spinach aka Flying Morning Glory

re: GMMTV Pride 2024 roundtable discussion (link) - พระเอก /phra ehk/ and นายเอก /naai ehk/ explained

KengNamping 5 month anniversary live - translation

ZNN 4th anniversary - all Cutie Pie boxset deleted scenes subbed

re: ThomasKong chemistry - the acting coaches involved in Domundi's productions

#local woman harps on about linguistics

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beautifulblhell · 3 years ago

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Living Together With Them Headcannon

Ft: Kuroo, Ushijima, Bokuto, Oikawa

A/N: Just a little something since I’m in the middle of writing a 1k 3k Mikey from TokyoRev fic why do my fics always end up growing so big😭

Kuroo Tetsurou

•There’s always sticky notes with cheesy chemistry jokes and puns around the house, and one time when you were stressed, you found them even in the inside of your shoes (it nearly gave you a paper cut though)

•During your first winter while living together the heater in his room broke down

•You got woken up one night when he came into your bed and stuck his ice cold feet under your legs

•Luckily you had a double bed

•Never moved out of your bed so now he sleeps together with you permanently

•He always ends up hugging you in his sleep

•Downside is that he wakes up earlier than you and takes photos of your sleeping faces and teases you about it

•It’s his phone wallpaper

•Expect good morning kisses, leaving for work kisses, coming home kisses, random kisses, just get ready for him to shower you with affection 💕

Ushijima Wakatoshi

•Volleyballs

•Get ready for volleyballs decorations

•Joking, he doesn’t have volleyball decorations

•Enough volleyball live in his head rent free

•Sleeps with a volleyball though

•Human alarm. Wakes up at precisely 5 every morning and go to sleep at 9

•No self awareness. Walks around clad only with a towel around his waist after bath

•Plus when he works-out at home only in his shorts, you get an eyeful 👀

•Evenings during the weekend consist of you sitting in between him and with his arms around you on the sofa watching your favourite movie. He will probably end up giving you neck kisses while you are watching

Bokuto Kotarou

•say goodbye to your eardrums

•Mr Loud

•at first gets complaints from neighbours, but apologies really nicely and the neighbours low-key feel bad for complaining because he’s always lending them a helping hand

•sleep doesn’t exist

•maybe you’ll get an hour of peace when he’s too worn out

•cleanliness doesn’t exist. He’s waiting for the house elf to clean up for him

•eats all the food in the fridge then surprise-pikachu face when he opens it and finds it empty

•wanted to paint his room GREEN for some reason, but the project got dropped halfway as he got bored, so he got a half-green room

•will have delivery guys knocking on your doors at 3AM because he’s hungry

•but will always order your favourite food alongside so you can’t stay angry

•if you are worried about eating too much so late at night he’ll exercise together with you at your pace

Oikawa Tooru

•what’s-yours-is-his but what’s-his-stays-his

•steals your facemasks, then question you why you have the others in your drawers

•needs he beauty sleep, but sometimes he’ll stay up for the good gossip

•wake up early for his skin care regime, will blast music alongside so no lie-in for you

•silk pillowcase and sheets, only the best for his skin and hair

•he’s the type that separates his laundry into materials then colours, and woe betide if you mixed them

•He cooks together with you, but it always ends up as a sing-off battle session because he’s forever saying he’s the better singer out of the two of you

•If you stay out late he will always be up and waits until you come home, will complain on the outside but he will wait up for you every time to make sure you got home okay

Masterlist | Ko-Fi | 2021.08.23

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ransomedrogue · 4 years ago

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Tales of Woe - Scenes from S1

well... this was taking forever so just gonna leave it here and say it’s done? as always, it ended up longer than intended, then I wasn’t going to include all the scenes then I thought well it’s all written anyhow so, may as well...

1.18

It seemed like ages until the scene was secure and documented; there was so much to deal with between the dead art thief and his house full of stolen treasures.

As usual, Weller was running the show so Jane had little to do except keep an eye on the irritating criminal who had gotten them all involved in the unlikely scheme. Which was enough of a task in itself, as Rich had started jabbering again, once he'd gotten over the shock of seeing the damaged painting.

"That was a pretty slick move you guys pulled off back there, even if it did almost destroy a priceless piece of art," he commented.

"All that silent communication, interpreting body language, talking with the eyes stuff, if you will. That is 100% my jam."

"Especially in the heat of the moment, with lives on the line. You two must have worked together a long time to read each other that well."

Jane flashed Rich the fiercest glare she could manage, while simultaneously checking around to see if Allie was within earshot. Although she knew he was just trying to rile them all up by getting underneath their skin, it was hard not to feel tense whenever he opened his mouth.

Even when she kind of liked what he was saying.

Jane shook her head mentally as she felt her stomach swim with conflicted emotions. She wanted what was best for Kurt, and Allie seemed to be a perfect fit. No matter how much it hurt to see another woman in his life, she knew it couldn't be her place. Not with everything she was hiding from him; all that she really was.

And yet she hadn't entirely hated Rich's commentary, said just loudly enough that she and Allie could overhear him at the doorway.

Tell me again why you're with Allie? When Jane's the one you look to first whenever anything goes wrong, or goes right for that matter?

Weller hadn't even denied it, and that was another thing altogether.

"You realize you do it too, right?"

Jane snapped out of her reverie and turned her head back towards Rich, doing her best to appear uninterested in whatever he was about to say.

"You're always watching him, checking in. Like he's your responsibility."

"I mean, I get it. You're like partners and all. That intense bond between cops, that's actually one of my fetishes, unlikely as it might seem…"

"Shut up, Rich," Jane growled, unwilling to let him go any further into his thought.

Of course she didn't bother to tell him that they weren't partners in any sense of the word and had not been working together for long at all. Especially not when they'd first encountered the mouthy criminal, when they'd supposedly had so much chemistry.

It was true though. No matter how much she'd tried to shrug it off, she'd felt it. The way he touched her; even back then. It had seemed so easy, and right. Just like how they did look to each other first, whenever something happened.

She'd never even questioned it, the way in which she and Weller worked so perfectly in sync. It had just always been the way between them, even way back at the start when he'd trusted in her abilities more than she did.

"Okay, okay, sorry, I just thought it'd be a good chance to put it out there, seeing as how you're definitely not pining over Stubbles, and we have some chemistry too. I mean not like the way it is between you two of course. But if he's not willing to see what he has, then…"

"Rich!"

Allie was walking by and gave him a solid death stare before closing her eyes tiredly and striding away. Jane exhaled irritably in Rich's ear, hoping it would at least keep him quiet until the Marshal was out of earshot again.

"She looks like she has a headache," Rich mused. "She should probably get that checked out; you should see the studies on concussions coming out these days. I mean I'd be pretty worried if my girlfriend got knocked out like that."

Jane frowned, both in concern at Allie's head and at Rich's implication. Weller had checked on Allie right away, as soon as he could. But then she thought about the conversation that had followed, where Allie had said she was seeing two of him.

At the time Jane had just assumed it was mostly a joke, a way to shrug off the injury. It was something she would do herself, in an attempt to throw off Weller's overprotectiveness.

But then Kurt had taken Allie at her word and had gotten right back to work. He hadn't even demanded that she get checked out by a doctor, or tried to tell her to rest while he dealt with the scene.

Jane couldn't help but remember all the times she'd been forced into the medical room by him, after taking much smaller hits than the one that had left Allie unconscious. Maybe Weller just felt he couldn't tell Allie what to do because she worked for another agency and wasn't under his command. And yet she knew that wasn't it.

"I'm sure Allie's fine," Jane said, scowling in an attempt to deter any more comments.

Rich nodded sagely, as if agreeing with her. But of course he still didn't shut up.

"I'm sure she is," he mused. "I mean, Weller's her man and he doesn't seem worried at all."

Of course both Weller and Allie came within hearing range at that moment, making Jane close her eyes in dismay. No matter what she did, Rich's non-stop commentary wouldn't stop.

"I'm sure he'd be just the same if you were showing obvious signs of brain trauma."

Jane groaned inwardly as Kurt stepped closer and frowned at Rich's words, before turning towards her and looking into her eyes carefully.

"Did you take a hit I didn't see?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine," Jane sighed. "He's just going on about nothing again."

But of course Rich nudged her with his elbow and raised his eyebrows suggestively as Allie stepped up beside them. And still Kurt's eyes remained on Jane for a long pause before finally accepting that she really was okay.

"Let's get back to the NYO," Weller finally said, sounding annoyed at the situation in general.

"We need to figure out what to do about the damaged painting"

Jane exhaled in relief, glad to get away from the irritation of babysitting Rich. He seemed determined to screw with their heads, and their hearts. And, despite the little twinge of joy she got from hearing the mouthy criminal go on about how she and Kurt should be together, Jane knew that it was wrong. She hated the idea of breaking up Weller's relationship, especially because Oscar had tasked her with just that. Kurt deserved to have someone that was as great as Allie seemed to be; someone who could make him happy.

She had to find a way to tell him.

Even if it ended up being as awkward as it played out in her head.

###

Allie Knight walked out of the conference room at the NYO, fuming on so many levels. Getting played by Rich Dotcom after agreeing to his wild scheme and dealing with his 'insightful' comments all day was already making her a little crazy. And then there was Kurt.

He'd been pissing her off since that morning. The worst part was he was completely oblivious to it; had no idea he'd done anything wrong.

Which in turn made her even more mad. And maybe a little bit sad.

It had been going so well, or so she had thought. He'd even invited her to meet his dad, an unbelievable occurrence in more than one way.

But you knew, Allie told herself. You asked and he answered.

What's the deal between you and Jane?

That is not what this is about.

But obviously it was, even if he somehow couldn't see it.

She couldn't even be pissed off at Jane, who seemed to be doing everything she could to stay out of their relationship. Surprisingly, Allie actually kind of liked the other woman, despite her obvious effect on Kurt.

But the way he looked at her and acted around her. That wasn't the Kurt Weller Allie knew. That was some other man, full of emotion and a softness she didn't recognize at all.

Their relationship was still mostly based on mental and physical release; which was why the invitation to family dinner had seemed like a big step. But even though she'd come over and met his dad, Allie had always had the sense that she'd never really know all of him. Weller would always be that guy with her; good-hearted and fun but emotionally guarded. Yet it was obvious that he wasn't like that with Jane.

She could feel him walking out of the room just behind her and knew it was time to make a choice. He'd shown his hand, with far too many tells.

When she'd walked in on them that morning, it wasn't so much that Jane was hugging him. It was that Kurt had let himself be so emotionally vulnerable in front of her; crying while letting himself be held. And it had been pretty clear that they would have been there for awhile if she hadn't interrupted.

If she'd hugged him, of course he would have accepted it too. But a little stiffly and definitely with dry eyes; as if trying not to take too much comfort from it. He would have been her Kurt, so desperate to remain in control of his feelings that he buried them deep and pretended they weren't there.

Allie sighed, knowing what she had to do and yet still a little reluctant to let go. It had already been a shit day, right from that awkward moment in the locker room onwards. Goddamned Rich and his stupid escapades and his never-ending spiel of comments.

She was pissed at herself for letting him win, both in his plot and in his head games. But Allie had to admit he'd really only vocalized what had been itching at her the entire time. Kurt did look to Jane first, and worry about her more than anyone else. It was impossible not to see when around them.

"All right, so we gonna wash the day away with some nice scotch?" Weller asked.

Allie turned and swallowed back the last of her regret.

"I think I'm gonna pass," she replied.

"Why?" Kurt asked, reaching out for her.

"Hang on."

Allie sighed internally as she stopped and faced him. He really had no idea.

"Because of what Rich said on the roof?" Weller asked.

"He was just trying to throw us all off balance."

"It's not about what he said, all right. It's about what I saw," Allie retorted, feeling all of her annoyance ball up in her throat.

"And what'd you see?"

Did he really not understand how it looked from the outside? Especially to the people who knew him the best. Or even to the criminal who'd only met them twice.

"That there's something between you and Jane, okay?" Allie stated.

"I don't know what it is, and I don't know if you know what it is. But don't make me feel crazy by pretending it's not there."

To his credit, Weller didn't try and argue. Just stood there dumbstruck as Allie declared that she needed some space and strode off before the sadness kicked in.

Walking away, she felt both lighter and heavier all at once.

Even if he didn't know it, she'd confirmed that day what she'd always suspected - that she'd never have all of his heart. It was entirely possible he was lying to himself about how he felt; she knew those Kurt Weller walls and his ability to burrow behind them. But she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

So she wasn't going to let him hide behind her anymore, use her as a way to avoid the truth that they all could see. He was in love with Jane and couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Even if he couldn't admit it to himself.

It stung a little but not as much as Allie thought. Every step forward in their relationship had been a struggle, and now she understood why. Seeing him with Jane was like being around a different man.

Now it was just time for both of them to accept it and move on.

###

"I don't know what it is, and I don't know if you know what it is. But don't make me feel crazy by pretending it's not there."

He hadn't denied it because she was right of course. Well, and also because he'd been a bit stunned; somehow hadn't seen it coming at all. Even after dealing Rich's comments all day, Weller thought Allie's skin would have been thicker. But then her words sank in and he forced himself to actually look at his behaviour.

What Kurt realized was he'd been doing his best to pretend that none of it existed. All the ways Jane made him feel, every time he looked to her first. After he'd declared her off limits in his own mind, he'd tried so hard to treat her the same as everyone else. And obviously failed miserably at it, as pointed out by the annoyingly observant Rich Dotcom.

So Weller hadn't examined what it was, or put words to it. But, then again, it wasn't like he didn't know. Jane made him feel things that were entirely new, all the time. The emotions he'd gone through in the relatively short while that she'd been in his life were so intense, sometimes he was completely overwhelmed by them.

Kurt watched Allie walk away, feeling bad about the situation in various ways. He thought he'd been successfully avoiding the mistakes of the past with her. But he knew she was right too. He wasn't being honest with himself or with her.

Weller walked down the hall in a daze, angry and sad and everything in between. They'd gotten played by a smart-mouthed crook and then he'd gotten dumped. Oh, and his dad was dying.

He really needed that scotch.

"Hey, are you okay?"

His neck tingled at the sound of her voice and his head snapped up to meet concerned eyes.

"Fine," Weller deflected, feeling his heart rate start to amp up. She'd caused him so much stress that day and yet none of it was her fault at all.

"Um, I'm sorry about today," Jane said, a bit timidly. "I wish he would have just shut up."

He shook his head, having had the same thought the entire mission. He would have given anything to close the whole thing down and send the mouthy criminal back to maximum security. But he also couldn't get Rich's words out of his head.

"Tell me again why you're not with Jane?"

"Some would say it means that you're more worried/excited about her."

"Life's too short, Jane. Follow your heart. Tell Weller how you feel."

Now though, the irritation at having a criminal comment far too astutely on his love life had mostly seeped out. But that meant Kurt was just left standing there with the obvious truth in Rich's words still ringing in his mind; all while Jane was standing in front of him looking too worried for his liking.

How did she feel?

And why did his heart thump even harder just at the thought?

"He was just trying to mess with us," Weller said. "Don't worry about it."

"None of this is your fault."

Jane's expression lost a little of that guilty edge, and she offered him a small smile, as if she was trying her best to believe him.

He wanted to deflect her attention from that line of thought, trying to put it out of his own head too. Searching for another topic to focus on, his mind traitorously turned back to that morning, where he'd broken down in front of her and found himself crying in her arms.

The comfort he'd found within them had been immediate and somehow familiar; even though he normally felt awkward accepting hugs. Even now he was somehow okay with how much emotion he'd shown her and how soothing it had felt to be held by her.

He wanted that comfort right now too, for her to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. Of course he didn't give in to that inclination but it gave him an inspiration; a way to distract both of them from the day they'd just had.

"Hey, I'm about to head to the hospital to see my dad. Do you want to come?"

Jane's eyes lit up at the idea, like she was so happy to be able to do something for him. And Weller couldn't deny how it felt in his chest, seeing a shy hopeful grin tug at her lips as she nodded eagerly.

He hated that Rich was right. He did look to her first.

And it seemed like the entire world already knew why.

###

The entire day had been so incredibly awkward. Yet slipping her hand into his and tucking their fingers together felt so normal and comforting. And when Weller returned her tentative squeeze with a more forceful one, Jane finally remembered to breathe.

For a long moment they just stood there silently, and Jane could see that Kurt was doing his best to contain his emotions but they continued to spill out. He'd been so thankful to her for visiting his dad, which felt good in a way. But then there was the lie.

She felt so guilty. And yet, the little lie had made him so happy. The look on his face when she said she'd remembered. It broke her heart.

So there she was, standing there with his hand in hers, wishing she never had to let go. That he could be hers.

Tell Weller how you feel.

There was so much she wanted to tell him that she couldn't. Especially now, when he was with Allie and his dad was dying. What would she tell him anyways? That she had plotted all this, planted herself in his life and had known it for weeks now but not told him. Oh and I'm in love with you, that too.

She'd tried to tell him just the opposite, in the most awkward way she could come up with. She still cringed thinking about it.

So Jane just stayed silent until Kurt let go and started to set up an emotional wall.

"I should take you home," he said, staring at his feet.

"You can stay, I can make my own way back," she said, sensing he was on the verge of something he didn't want to share.

"No, I don't want…" he stammered.

"It's hard to be here alone and he's going to be out for awhile now."

She wanted to reach for him again but held back. He wasn't hers, she had to remember that.

"Okay, let's go then," Jane said.

Weller was distant, a little lost looking on the way back to the car. She wondered what he was thinking about, if he wanted to talk about it.

He isn't yours she reminded herself again. He had someone to talk to if he needed to.

And yet when they sat in the car and he was still so quiet, it was all she could do not to physically reach for him. He kept glancing over but didn't say anything, and she couldn't think of anything that didn't sound trite.

When they got to her safe house, he insisted on seeing her in even though she told him it wasn't necessary. At the door, she turned and he was giving her an undefinable look.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Weller turned his head quickly, wearing that same sad frown that made him look so vulnerable. But then he reshaped his features, attempting a small smile but not quite succeeding.

"Yeah, it's just been a long day, and not a very good one," he muttered.

"I know… I'm sorry," she started, feeling the need to apologize for everything going so wrong at the penthouse party.

"No, you did everything you could," he said. "We should have never let him set any of this up."

He shook his head and looked so weary.

"It's just been hard. I messed it all up. I should… I need… "

Weller sputtered a bit, losing his words again. And just the same as that morning, Jane instinctively reached for him, wrapping her arms around him.

He was shuddering a little and she pulled him close, wishing she really could tell him how she felt. Instead, she was just offering him some comfort, for whatever his unspoken need might be.

After awhile she realized he was crying into her shoulder, at about the same time he came to that realization as well.

"Shit, I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to…"

"Shhh, it's okay," she soothed. "You can let it out, I won't tell anyone."

He laughed against her, then cried some more. And Jane had to admit she wanted nothing else than to keep on holding him, telling him everything was alright.

So for that moment at least, she did.

I love you Kurt Weller, she thought. And I want to hold onto you forever.

That's what Rich would want me to say.

#blindspot #blindspot fanfic #blindspot rewatch #s1fic #i wrote this

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rawrmeansmemes · 3 years ago

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GREASE 2 ( 1982 ) LYRIC STARTERS

( Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time

No more midnight rides with you

No more secret rendezvous.

I'm gonna miss all the things we'll never do.

I just can't believe you left me here alone

How in this world can I make it on my own?

Remember, I love you, I won't be far away.

Baby, don't you know it's hard to let you go?

Back to School Again

Spending my vacation in the summer sun

Woe is me, all summer long I was happy and free.

Well don't they know that I deserve a better fate?

Biology and chemistry destroys my brain.

Cool Rider

Well, I'm lookin' for a dream on a mean machine with hell in his eyes.

I want a devil in skin tight leather, and he's gonna be wild as the wind.

If he's cool enough, He can burn me through and through.

If it takes forever, Then I'll wait forever.

Girl for All Seasons

I'll be yours in springtime when the flowers are in bloom.

I'll be yours in summer, when we're playin' in the sand.

We'll spend the day together, makin' love and gettin' tanned.

If you fall in the fall, you'll see, September can be heavenly.

I'll warm you through December, and I'll always be around.

We'll kiss below the mistletoe, when Santa comes to town.

Score Tonight

I'm gonna show you how to knock 'em down.

Hey, come on, let's get this show on the road.

We're sittin' on a bomb that's about to explode.

We're gonna score tonight

If you're lookin' for a fight, then the time is right.

We're gonna wipe the floor with you tonight.

We’ll Be Together.

We'll be together, always together.

You were the one, the one in my dreams, but I never knew it.

I wanted to tell you time and again, but I couldn't do it.

All that you are is all that I need, no more pretending

I like what you got, I guess it's okay if you wanna show it.

I am what I am, and I'm all for you, just want you to know it.

MISC

We're goin' prowlin', we're goin' prowlin' tonight!

I see you're hungry for a lover.

I'm all dressed up in my finest attitude

Why can't I be just what I am and speak my love without any shame?

For if we give our very best , I know that we will more than pass the test.

They make it sound like a track meet, gross!

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #lyric meme #lyrics meme #lyrics memes #lyric memes #yes the misc section is just lyrics from songs that dont have enough for their own section #long post tw

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ravenbrenna09 · 4 years ago

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fanfiction writer appreciation: skamverse edition

okay, so, earlier this week, @yaraaimsakul created a gif-maker appreciation for the skamverse fandom and i decided that i wanted to do something similar but for the writers of our little fandom. writing can sometimes take a lot of work out of us but it’s also such a beautiful thing and sometimes, it doesn’t get the recognition that it deserves. so, if you see this and you aren’t tagged, i want you to know that you are an amazing writer OR if you are a reader and aren’t tagged, but would like to spread the love to the writer’s YOU enjoy, do it! DO IT! spread all the love. i know all the writers of all fandoms (not even limited to the skam fandom) would love to hear from those who read their fics.

also, if you want to tag more than one person. do it! if you want add questions, do it!!

if you’re a writer:

a fic that you’re really proud of: 

it’s really a tie between just friends and jij verliest. i really love both of them and i love how they both turned out—even if it was sometimes a little stressful because of irl events and the deadlines i put on myself. but i love the story about robbe and sander falling in love in another universe(s).

a fic that you were nervous to post:

safe. with unattainable, i felt very comfortable about robbe’s pov and his story but i wasn’t comfortable with sander’s. in addition, i would have probably liked to change his backstory—but it was the one i envisioned when i wrote unattainable so it felt weird to change all of a sudden. but it was probably the one i was most nervous about.

a fic you wished got more hits/kudos/comments:

overall, i will always wish that the curse of betrayal would get more hits. i know that it’s a fic centered on jana but i’ve thrown my heart and my soul into this fic and i love it to death. i love harry potter and i love wtfock so why not combine my two loves (tho i am putting a lot of pressure on myself lol)

one of your favorite tropes to write:

childhood friends to lovers, everyday. i love the trope so much it’s great. i really wish i could write a sobbe fic like that again lol.

another ship that you don’t write but you’d like to write:

omg there’s so many, you(s)mina is definitely one that i’m interested in writing because i just love them so much. the basketball clips the chemistry! it’s just impeccable. and zoënne. like real zoënne not whatever the hell attachment is LOL.

one of your abandoned wip you never wrote but wish you did:

um... my beach au. i love the idea but the plot isn’t tangible to me right now. i think i’m going to potentially write it someday but as of right now, it doesn’t look good. and maybe my royal au but idk if that’s abandoned yet.

another writer you would love to collaborate with:

@sonderthroughthestreets, @carolineworld, and @tsjernobyl <3 oh and @genjasafin ( ;) )

if you’re a reader:

a fic (or more) that you love to reread:

i know i had the questions, but it’s like i completely blanked on every fic that i reread. i really love anything by @aholynight because their way with words is simply amazing and their sobbe fics are to die for. i remember counting down the hours until they would post the chapter on sundays and it was amazing. oh and i’ve been loving @sobbefairytales’s the things you once said to me and i can’t wait to see how it turns out (but no pressure babe).

tag an author you always love reading:

@honeyandsinn cat i’m so behind on reading everyone’s fics but i always love reading yours because it’s always so sweet and beautiful and amazing. keep writing and conquering uni’s ass, you amazing queen.

recommend a story to your followers:

if you haven’t already go read @tsjernobyl’s fic right this second. here’s the link. okay, i really can’t say anything personal about this fic because i haven’t had the time to actually read it yet because graduation and stuff and negative thoughts but i’m getting on it. but, i’ve been talking to her since she’s started this fic months ago and she’s thrown so much of her heart and soul into this fic and i know for a fact that it is going to shine in her work.

as for non-skamverse recommendations, go read the life of times. it’s a marauders fic and is the whole reason i’m a writer.

tag an author you discovered recently:

i haven’t been in any ao3 tag in a while so i haven’t been able to catch up on fics so i don’t have an answer for this one :( though once i watch skam france i’m probably going to read @earthlingeliott and @luxandobscurus‘s fics, does that count?

spread the love!

tag someone who inspires you to write:

@peaceoutofthepieces, nat idk how you fucking do your amazing writing months in advance without dropping it but i am so inspired by you to try and do that. you’re fucking amazing and one of my best friends. dottori/croissenne, i miss her love and takes so much. @luludemauryyy, jess, i know you’re not writing skamverse right now but seriously though your motivation and excitement to write your fic is so contagious and amazing, i love you babe.

tag someone who you’ve admired forever:

@aholynight (i’m sorry to tag you twice), @dearrobbe/@dearsander, @sonderthroughthestreets, @luludemauryyy

tag your writing support and loves!

where to start... the aewb server for being the absolute shit and listening to me drown on my writing woes and conflicts. @tsjernobyl, emma, you give me so much support even when i’m struggling and i’m probably so annoying but you’re such an amazing person and thank you for supporting me. @sonderthroughthestreets, @honeyandsinn, thank you both for putting up with my random questions and bursts of inspiration and ideas. @hidden-joy, @sandersyasmina, @sanderxrobbee for helping me when i’m struggling and supporting me even with my hogwarts au and other stories. and everyone who has ever liked/commented on my fics or sent me an ask. you guys have all supported me in more ways than one.

tagging:

everyone who has already been tagged in this and @dagcutie, @carolineworld, @lot-bubbel, @luxandobscurus, @earthlingeliott, @mijnlief, @birthdaysentiment, @sander-klaas, and anyone that wants to do it. yes, even you.

#wtfock #skamverse #tag games #long post #(note while my answers were wtfock related [because that's all i read] this is NOT limited to only wtfock fics)

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somersetmummy · 4 years ago

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(A/N) This chapter takes place right at the beginning of the story, prior to TNA Chapter 1. Some characters property of Pixelberry.

Original characters: Katie Hide (MC), Jenny Blake

New characters: Lucinda Hansen

Rating/Content Warning: Mild adult language

Word count: 2005

Summary: MC Katie Hide is an English rose, living in New York. She’s down on her luck and desperately needs a job before her visa expires and she’s sent back to London. A chance conversation with a friend leads to an unlikely opportunity. Little did she know that one little interview would change the course of her life forever.

- Bonus social edits at the end -

Just like any other Thursday morning of recent weeks, Katie and Jenny were killing time together in their favourite coffee shop just down the street from their shared apartment. It had become Katie's haven and her go-to place when she wanted to lose herself for a few hours people watching, letting the stories of their lives unfold around her.

She'd always had a knack for paying attention to the details, noticing things which passed by most others. It was a skill she'd relied on heavily in her work, always giving her the edge, at least it had until the time it led to her downfall at Panacea Labs.

Katie had recently walked out of her job after piecing together a scheme under the radar to roll out a costly new drug for treating MS, despite there being multiple warning signs that it was ultimately ineffective but instead just masked the symptoms. Anyone else would've just glossed over the signs, not even noticing, but to Katie, the anomalies jumped off the page unmistakably. It was when she tried to escalate her concerns that she was shut down and her life in the lab made a misery by the VP, Declan Nash.

It hadn't taken long for her to realise that the company was more concerned about profits than actually helping people and she knew that the battle to fall in line and keep her job wasn't worth it. After calmly and quietly sending a company wide report on her findings, she gathered her things and walked out before she could be accosted by security. Little did she know that Nash had already been keeping tabs on her communications, in his eyes she was a trouble maker, and the report never saw the light of day.

Unfortunately for Katie, the current opportunities for young women in the biotech and pharmaceutical world just weren't what they should have been and she spent the next few weeks furiously searching for something else to avoid her work visa being revoked.

Having moved from London to attend the New York Institute of Technology and graduating with a Masters in Chemistry & Bio Engineering three years ago, she'd fallen in love with the city and the life she'd built. She didn't know exactly what the future held and couldn't put her finger on why, but she had a very strong feeling that she needed to stay in New York.

Today, Katie had planned to work through all the job adverts remotely relating to her experience and qualifications, with Jenny on hand to offer moral support. Tiring quickly of hitting one brick wall after another, they'd long forgotten the laptop and instead had spent the last 30 minutes idly chatting about Jenny’s upcoming gallery event when Lucinda arrived, phone to her ear, her body tense and voice sharp as she wrapped up a call with her boss.

"Of course I've got someone Angela, I wouldn't put my name in the mix if I didn't. My candidate is going to blow the others out of the water, I just know Mr Dalton will be impressed....no not just impressed, he'll be awestruck..."

While waiting for her to wrap up her call, Katie heads to the counter to order Lucinda a much needed coffee and returns to place it down in front of her just as she hangs up. She tosses her phone onto the table and slumps back in her chair, defeated.

Jenny stares her down waiting for an explanation which she and Katie both know Lucinda desperately wants to give but is holding off for dramatic effect.

After a long sip of coffee and a moment of holding her head in her hands she finally exhales.

"I am so SO SCREWED."

Katie and Jenny share a look before returning their attention to Lucinda.

"I've just promised my boss that I have the perfect candidate for some billionaire business man's nanny position....." She glares at them both as if they should understand why that's a problem. "I never touch these sorts of jobs, I only ever look for candidates in finance, nannying isn't worth my time."

Katie chooses her words carefully, knowing how Lucinda can bite back pretty quickly when she's stressed. Speaking softly, cautious not to poke the bear, she looks Lucinda in the eye and internally braces herself for whatever might come next.

"So what made this one so different?"

Fortunately Lucinda seems to finally be relaxing, she replies more quietly.

"Filling this position will put me on the map, nobody in the firm has been able to secure someone for this guy, they only seem to last a few weeks before they quit so the sign on bonus never kicks in. If I could find the perfect person I wouldn't only get a great bonus, I'd be next in line for promotion to Senior Head-hunter."

Her demanding demeanour melts away and she's left looking almost vulnerable. Something Katie knows Lucinda doesn't find at all comfortable.

"Anyway, I'll figure it out, I always do."

She gives Katie and Jenny a soft smile, allowing herself to momentarily forget about her woes so she can refocus the attention back to them.

"So what were you guys talking about before I came in?"

As Katie opens her mouth to speak Jenny cuts in on her behalf.

"Oh Katie's just been trying to work out how to get a job before her visa renewal date comes up in a couple of weeks."

Katie lets out a sigh of her own, suddenly remembering how dire her employment prospects are and feeling equally as defeated as Lucinda.

"I can't believe I've worked so hard for my degree, I found the perfect job in the perfect city but now it's all gone down the drain and I'm going to have to go back home and never see you all again."

Jenny wraps her arm around Katie's shoulders, pulling her close. "Oh come on, like you'd be able to shake us off. Even if you are in another country!"

As suddenly as Lucinda dramatically entered the coffee shop she slams her hand onto the table making the others jump.

"THAT'S IT!" She cries, her idea almost exploding out of her. "This is just too perfect...."

Katie and Jenny share a confused look before turning back to Lucinda who is practically foaming at the mouth, clearly onto something, though they're not quite sure what.

"You need a job, I need a candidate." She says in her signature matter of fact style.

Katie still has no idea where Lucinda's going with this.

"It's win win. I'll put you forward for the nanny position, you'll get a great job which means you get to stay in New York, I'll get my bonus. Not to mention I'll look like a damn superhero at work!"

The cogs start to turn in Katie's brain as she begins to digest what Lucinda is proposing.

"But I'm not a nanny....and what about my visa, it's only valid for work in relation to my degree."

Lucinda waves her hand at her, dismissing her concerns. "No problem there then. This guy's family owns one of the biggest Biotech companies in the country, surely that's related to your degree? He's so desperate for a successful match I'll make sure the visa thing is part of the contract."

She cuts back in quickly just as Katie opens her mouth to object.

"And as for you not being a nanny, what about all those times in the lab when you had to pull rank and sort out the shit that went down between your useless colleagues? You've done more nannying of adults in the last two years than most actual nanny's do in their whole career with children."

Jenny suddenly chimes in "OH MY GOD, this is genius!"

Defeated, Katie turns to look at Jenny in disbelief. She may have had a chance saying no to just Lucinda but with Jenny on board with this idea as well she may as well give up now.

"This will solve both your problems, I mean come on, who wouldn't want to work for this guy..."

Jenny turns her phone to Katie, clearly having been searching while she and Lucinda were talking. On the screen Katie sees the most devastatingly handsome man she's ever come across. He's nothing like the guys she'd known before, this person, was a real man and the sight of him caused her stomach to flip.

While undeniably handsome, it's not just the physical attraction that she's drawn to. Her eyes move to the company bio underneath his headshot and in true Katie style, she scans all of the accolades and achievements the company has to boast about. Her mind races at the possibilities. There's no mistaking that working for this man could open the door to so many opportunities and experiences in the future.

With a sigh she resigns herself to the fact that Lucinda might actually be on to something, this could be the break Katie had been waiting for and would certainly solve her imminent visa problems if she could get it taken care of as part of the contract negotiations.

With a silent nod and slight shrug of the shoulders, she begrudgingly agrees, much to the delight of her friends who squeal at each other in delight. Lucinda immediately pushes her shoulders back, standing to attention, furiously beginning to type on her phone.

"You TA'd for your old professor right?"

"Yes, I did a year as their assistant after graduating. Mainly doing research and going to conferences with her."

Lucinda's eyes never leave her phone as she works her magic, spinning Katie's words into an impressive resume. After a moment she raises her eyebrows and flits her eyes over to Katie, a small gesture which Katie realises is an invitation to elaborate.

"Oh, yeah so that's actually how I got into Panacea Labs, I met a rep at one of those conferences."

Jenny rolls her eyes at the mention of Katie's old company, now affectionately known by them both as Pariah Labs. Despite what she felt about Katie's previous employer, she was immensely proud of Katie's achievements and wanted to make sure they were included.

"Weren't you the youngest lab boss thingy they'd ever had?"

"Senior lab technician." Katie corrects, knowing full well that Jenny hasn't got a clue about the finer details of her work. "Well, yeah eventually, after two years of working my butt off. But I hardly think they'd rave about that in any reference they give me. If they even give one to begin with..."

Lucinda waves a dismissive hand at her.

"With this resume, you won't need any reference from those bastards. Trust me."

Katie had no idea what Lucinda had written or how she'd managed to spin her experience to be more favourable for a nanny position but it must've worked because half an hour later Lucinda slammed her hand down on the table once again, causing everyone around them to jump out of their skin.

"YES! It worked...he wants to see you, you've got an interview tomorrow at the Dalton Enterprises headquarters".

She turns her phone to Jenny to show off the email and they fall into an animated conversation, no doubt planning how they're all going to celebrate once Katie inevitably gets offered the job. As they fall into a blur in the background, Katie looks back over the picture of Sam Dalton on Jenny's phone, not quite sure how she can be so hypnotised by someone through a photograph.

There's something about him which feels familiar, something drawing her in. It's almost as if they're viewing each other through a looking glass and she wonders whether in this exact moment he is feeling the same magnetic pull towards her, a stranger whom he hasn't even met yet. Tearing her eyes away from the phone, Katie's tries to steady the stream of unanswered questions flooding her mind and focus on how she's going to win this man over.

"Here goes nothing."

TAG List: @shewillreadyou @chemist-ana @txemrn @silma-words @thefrenchiemama @secretaryunpaid @sfb123

- Bonus - pre-interview pep talk with the girls -

#the nanny affair #fanfic #tna #choices

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hopevalley · 4 years ago

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Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed!

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome.

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime.

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle?

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that?

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate?

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this?

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

#when calls the heart #long post #character studies and information #analysis and meta discussion

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wlw-lovestruck-fiction · 5 years ago

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“hi!! can i get from the supper sappy prompts: 21. “I’m better when I’m with you.” with wrath/mc? (preferably if it’s mutual, please and thank you)“

Written by @evoedbd

It should have been finished. She’d had the confrontation, found the conclusion. Every I was dotted, every T crossed, yet somehow MC still couldn’t settle. Blood boiled in her veins, molten and vengeful as she stared down at her phone. Specifically, her call history. There, that offensive dead number taunted her, flickering back into view as she let her screen go ape after a particularly harsh swipe. She watched white and black combat, swirling combinations next to red and green little phones along with dates. There was so much there, even now, that bubbled up from time to time. Memories of a childhood destroyed as she tried again and again to be good enough to being daddy home. The answers she’d probably never have received if not for the musclebound beauty she leaned against. If Wrath, no, if Ranza had any thoughts about the situation, she stayed dutifully silent, instead wrapping both of her large arms around the petite Asian bike mechanic and drawing her close. It was a tender embrace MC was happy to fall into, to forget about the woes of the world once she found refuge within her castle. “Can you hug me tighter?” MC gently requested, allowing her phone to fall onto the bed, forgotten. Wrath’s biceps flexed instinctively, something which never failed to make MC swoon, as she gently squeezed her little mechanic. The fact she could probably pop MC’s head off like a grape if she squeezed to hard was far from both minds, despite the strength on display. Strength MC allowed herself to fall into. “I’m here for you.” Ranza sounded so sincere, whispering her reassurance into MC’s small ear before she pressed a loving kiss to the Asian’s cheek. “You always are. You’d never let me fall.” MC responded instantly, burrowing her nose into Wrath’s warm throat. Wrath’s scent overwhelmed her, filling her lungs and senses so potently that her head would have spun if she tried to stand. Wild curls tickled her cheek, almost as if caressing away the tears she hadn’t allowed to fall. That was enough to make her giggle, if only for a second. The big bad sin, Wrath herself, with such a gentle heart that even her hair wanted to be comforting. Though… was it so unbelievable? Wrath loved hard, in all elements of her life. Her fierce loyalty to even those who’d hurt her time and time again was a miracle to behold, an inspiration. If MC could achieve even HALF of that… “You make me brave, Esperanza.” She whispered, unable to contain the affection any longer. Warm flesh met her palm when she reached for Wrath’s face, cradling the spectacular jawline with all the love within her heart. When MC left the refuge of Ranza’s neck, she found the most hypnotic eyes shining back at her, glassy with a mix of tears and joy… tears? She’d never known Wrath to be one to tear like that. Wrath had always been a driving force, the wings lifting MC from the rocks disappointment had dashed her upon and returning her to everything she loved. Back to her bike. Back to passion. Back to love. “I’ve been Wrath for so long that I’d almost forgotten who I was. You let me be Ranza again.” Wrath returned, smiling so warmly at MC that the mechanic felt the sun would forever be cold in comparison. There were so many words she could say, so many things she wanted to, yet she had no idea where to begin. There was so much to unpack, gods above, an entire apartments worth of joyful emotions to sift through. The jumble sat in her muscles, liquifying all her tensions until she melted back into her girlfriend. The angel named for a sin. The one who had sacrificed so much, and continued to sacrifice to protect others. The mechanic smiled, leaning closer in an effort to touch her forehead to her brawler’s. It took a sacrifice, all of MC’s willpower to leave that embrace and turn her own body into Ranza’s, yet it was entirely worth losing a moment of warmth to press her lips so lovingly to Ranza’s darkening cheeks. One kiss became two, which quickly became ten, then MC lost count. She peppered little gestures of affection everywhere, wordlessly showering Ranza in devotion. Wrath smiled, cradling MC’s hips in her own large, callused hands. Hands which were immeasurably delightful. Her thumbs playfully hooked into the beltloops of MC’s jean shorts, drawing the mechanic closer still. Without space between them, heat was their existence. An intimate warmth that left MC boneless without any debaucherous suggestions or activities. How just touch could be so sating, well, med school may have explained brain chemistry, but it still felt like magic. Like fate. “We make each other better.”

#Anonymous #sin with me #sin with me wrath #wrath gutierrez #wrath x mc #ranza gutierrez #ranza x mc #swm wrath #answered #fluff #women of lovestruck #lovestruck headcanons #lovestruck #scatterday

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mediaeval-muse · 4 years ago

Text

Book Review

The Leopard Prince. By Elizabeth Hoyt. New York: Warner Forever, 2007.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Princes #2

Summary: The one thing a lady must never do... Wealthy Lady Georgina Maitland doesn't want a husband, though she could use a good steward to run her estates. One look at Harry Pye, and Georgina knows she's not just dealing with a servant, but a man. is fall in love... Harry has known many aristocrats---including one particular nobleman who is his sworn enemy. But Harry has never met a beautiful lady so independent, uninhibited, and eager to be in his arms. with her servant. Still, it's impossible to conduct a discreet liaison when poisoned sheep, murdered villagers, and an enraged magistrate have the county in an uproar. The locals blame Harry for everything. Soon it's all Georgina can do to keep her head above water and Harry's out of the noose...without missing another night of love.

***Full review under the cut.***

***Mild spoiler under “Other” section.***

Content/Trigger Warnings: sexual content, drunkenness, parental abuse, references to torture, sexual coercion, and animal mutilation

Overview: After really enjoying The Raven Prince and not really enjoying Wicked Intentions, I figured I’d read something else in Hoyt’s Princes series to see if Wicked Intentions was a fluke for me. Turns out, it might be The Raven Prince that’s the fluke. I had hoped I’d get a romance that was focused on overcoming class obstacles, and there was a little of that. However, I couldn’t really get invested in the main mystery or in the protagonists’ relationship, as it seemed both were surface-level and without many stakes until about 200 pages into the book. Thus, this romance only gets 2 and a half stars from me, not because the romance was problematic, but because I just couldn’t connect with anything that was happening.

Writing: Hoyt’s prose is fine for the genre she’s writing in; it’s not full of poetic expressions - it’s simple and gets the point across fairly efficiently. I don’t think that’s a bad thing for romances, as the point isn’t to wow your reader with elaborate metaphors. Hoyt knows how to reach her audience, and I commend her for that.

However, I do think she relied a bit too much on expositional dialogue. Characters will have extended conversations that deliver a lot of information - about their pasts, about the setting, etc. - and while I think most of it was important, I soon grew tired of being told instead of shown. I do think some expositional dialogue can work well - for example, if a character exhibits odd behavior for a good part of the book then reveals the origins of that behavior, I think that works because it keeps the reader wondering. But so much is dumped on us in the first half of The Leopard Prince that I felt like exposition was being substituted for purposeful craft.

Moreover, I think Hoyt’s shoe-horning of the fairy tale themes worked just as poorly in The Leopard Prince as in The Raven Prince. Georgina, our heroine, would babble about fairy tales at seemingly random moments, and the themes of her tale did not parallel the events of the book as a whole, which made the whole tale feel out-of-place. It felt like a gimmick rather than an integral part of the story, and I wish Hoyt had done more to make the two narratives parallel one another.

Plot: Most of the plot revolves around a mystery. Someone has been poisoning the sheep on the estate next to Georgina’s, and most people think it’s Harry, our hero, because of his past with the owner, Lord Granville. On the surface, it seems like a good setting for a plot about class; Granville (and Georgina) have all the power, and servants and villagers (like Harry) have to fight against that power in ways that don’t bring aristocratic wrath down on the entire population.

Unfortunately, it seemed like the mystery was treated as an excuse to throw the two protagonists together for the first 200 pages. Harry and Georgina would go around questioning people about the sheep, and the scenes felt incredibly insubstantial. Though Hoyt tried to show the stakes of the mystery by saying that Harry would be arrested and villagers would starve if the culprit wasn’t caught, there wasn’t much to make me feel like these stakes were real. We don’t really get to know any characters who would be threatened with starvation, nor did I care enough about Harry to be concerned with whether or not he was arrested (more on that below). Personally, I think this book would have worked a lot better if Hoyt had just admitted that the mystery was a secondary interest and Georgina was merely using it as a way to exercise her power over a servant. At least then there could have been some growth and an exploration of class dynamics.

Around 200 pages, my interest piqued a little more due to the intensity of the mystery being heightened. It’s also around this time that discussions of class were beginning to happen more frequently, which I liked. I do wish more was done in the first 200 pages to emphasize class difference so that when these conversations happened, they felt more significant - maybe Harry’s way of going about solving the mystery is based in his knowledge of the lower class, while Georgina gains them access to people and knowledge that is reserved for the gentry. Maybe there’s pressure for Georgina to marry higher because of some family history or something. I think reforming the first 200 pages to show off class dynamics would have gone a long way in making the barriers to the relationship and the stakes of the mystery feel real.

Characters: Georgina, our heroine, has some admirable qualities (like prioritizing the well-being of her tenants over her personal income), but other than that, she’s fairly useless. She doesn’t bring much to the table in terms of solving the mystery (she doesn’t use her status to gain access to people) and she seems completely ignorant in everything from how to run an estate to how to seduce a man. I don’t mind a little naivete in some heroines, but Georgina had no ambitions other than to get Harry into her bed. It made her feel shallow.

Harry, our hero, is devoid of any personality that would have made him interesting. He’s gruff and not really afraid to defy conventionality, but that’s mostly it. Granted, he does have his quirks - he likes to carve little animals out of wood, but as nice as that is, it didn’t really show much about who he is as a character - it was just used so that there would be something tangible to use to frame Harry for the sheep killings (a little carved animal is found at every scene). I would have liked to see more of a connection between him and the poorer villagers so at least it would have felt like he had more of a reason to be invested in the mystery. Granted, I think he gets more interesting around page 200, when his relationships with Bennet (his half-brother) and Will (a kid he pseudo-adopts) brings out more of his admirable qualities, like loyalty to family.

Side characters are largely bland in that they don’t do much. Georgina’s sister, Violet, has her own woes to deal with, but her plot seems to be a distraction, and Violet doesn’t seem to undergo much independent growth. Lord Granville is a bit too overtly sexist to be believable, but at least he’s consistent. Georgina’s brothers seemed to be included just to throw some male authority around, when needed. I did like her brother, Tony, why seemed to care for his sisters’ emotional lives. I wish he was more involved throughout the book. Probably the most interesting character, for me, was Bennet, Granville’s second son who was conceived during an affair between the aristocrat and Harry’s mother. Bennet, at least, seemed to make use of his privilege by standing up to his father and being vocal about wishing he was raised by his mother. Will also had potential, but he seemed to be included to make plot points more convenient. I wish he had his own arc, however small.

Other: Try as I might, I couldn’t get invested in the romance between Georgina and Harry because I felt like I was expected to care about them and their relationship solely based on scenes where I was told they noticed each other’s bodies. None of their interactions felt like they were truly getting to know one another; even when they talked about their pasts or Georgina forced Harry to listen to her fairy tale, it’s very clear that Georgina still has power over Harry based on social rank and class, so it felt like she was entertaining herself more than anything. When they did get together, it felt like it was purely out of lust; there wasn’t much that made me think they enriched each other’s emotional lives, so I didn’t quite believe they were connecting beyond a surface level. Later, when class became a more pressing issue, I don’t think Hoyt showed that it was a significant barrier to their relationship, nor do I think the issue was resolved in a meaningful way - it just simply wasn’t as much as an issue because Georgina gets pregnant. I do think the class dynamics could have been done well if the book acknowledged Georgina’s power over Harry and more was done to portray them as intellectual (if not social) equals (I’m thinking along the lines of Jane Eyre, which also has an employer-employee relationship that ends up working). The mystery could have been a good way to do this, but alas, it seemed like Hoyt didn’t take advantage of that.

TL;DR: The Leopard Prince suffers from bland characters with no real chemistry between the hero and heroine. Moreover, the mystery had little urgency and though the discussion of class had potential, it wasn’t treated as a significant barrier to the relationship or a real lived experience.

#book reviews

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