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derpyslurpy-da-derp-master · 5 years ago

Note

All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family.

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again.

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah…

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

#Ask #Original

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crybabybyee · 3 years ago

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i’m getting bored.

curse my dumb bitch bpd brain lol.

yesterday and the day before were just...so boring and i feel like im losing a slight grip on things because idk what else to do with my day

the guild master thing has gone from ohhh i like him to...meh? lol this shit always happens but hes so....boring

like? i tried talking to him yesterday, i whispered hima sking if he wants to do roulette with me and he agreed when reset happened as he’d done his already, he messaged me on discord later to join...so i join them and of course its him and the 2 officers (girls) who hes like...best friend with

but they literally dont talk. none of them. they just rush through the whole dungeons/raids without one word or emote and im just sitting there like...so bored... but surely they are talking somewhere?? they literally play with each other ALL day, so they must be in a discord call somewhere? maybe a linkshell?

but i dont think they are on a call because he said he was going to the shop and L was like “steve” (thats his name lol) and was very confused about something and trying hard to make a point like she knows whats going on with his life, something about isnt food getting delievered idk whatever. oh and she always makes a point to say his irl name..lmao..like cringe we get it girl you know him better

and when ive seen him interact with them its a very familiar more relaxed way of talking, and why cant i get that?

so like when i talk to him...its always about the fucking game...

i found out some vital info from the discord yesterday, he’s 30. around my age then (32) and i was like wow i felt it tbh because thats why he seems so mature and passive. most guys my age like that are. it’s a good thing but also...boring.

i just dont get it i thought after that night with my ex when he started messaging me...that we would become closer? but no we might have if i didnt mention i had a baby i feel. but oh well, im not going to hide something so important like my ex might. it just really sucks when youre a single mum and noone wants you...he knows it was ME that left my ex and im actively avoiding him so dont have feelings etc...yes ofcourse i have some still there buti couldve moved on by now

im just so bored now and confused. because i latched onto him...atleast in my head...saw him as my fp (to me fp is in a romantic/attachment sense, ofcourse my real favourite person is my son) idealised/romanticised him in my head, daydreamed about scenarios...but all the while he just views me as a member with drama issues lmao

and its like...i cant really fantasize about him in my head now...nothing gross i just was imagining cute moments with him and him protecting me and he seems so genuine and grounded

i liked the first time i played with him...those girls werent there...and he was tank. and he said he would be my tank again but when i play with them all theyre all on dps. and he was rushing it a bit when i played with him but we atleast talked a bit whilst doing it. i feel like i cant talk to him at all when the girls are there because its ‘not my place’ to

i mean i will keep trying...to get him to notice me...i have no one else to flirt with who i like... but last night i felt like.. if my ex pops up in game im going to end up playing with him and being submissive...because im so bored and alone and feel so unnoticed...hes been messaging me loads since and i didnt reply because i hate it...hes just getting into my head again making me kind of miss him but my head knows the truth and is still saying no. i cant trust that guy ever again

oh and before i logged out last night we did the main scenario raid and i know its really long and full of unskippable cutscenes but fuck me...i forgot just how long and boring it really is...and none of them said shit!!! like how can they play like that all day, they must have been talking somewhere...i even joined the discord voice chat which noone has even gone on. noone joined sadly. i was muted anyway, im too shy and i havent spoken to people with my voice in like...forever...and it sounds weird to me now, different. my voice used to be so cute and now it feels so...unused and unpracticed? like its going to get cut off...anxiety

later im going to join the voice chat again and stay in it and see if ANY one joins

i know im going to end up running a dungeon with my ex...i dont want a relationship with him but im honestly missing headpats and i know he will do it how sad is that?

why cant i just find someone in game that will do cute emotes at me so i can attach to them instead??? lol

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years ago

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Episode 4: “Tua supremacy babey” - Lily O

I GET TO REUNITE WITH JINX YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

me waking up to see that im in the new tribe: https://media.tenor.com/images/93212119a4887f9fa0ad945c7ae2a5d0/tenor.gif

tbh i expected the swap since like we have 14 rn so its a reasonable number to do a swap before the merge.. but like this swap sucks not only me being the only one from og eener but its also me having to be with these 4 whites ppl. you know i don't trust white ppl except mikki SDFSDFSDFSDF so this absolutely SUCKS. and geekoffilm is on another tribe too.

URGH i hope i can team up with jinx and jude. and joey and i used to play together in CoW so hopefully, i am able to make him want to work with me again.. but monty... monty is very skeptical cause like they could just vote me off now. BUT THEN, i know that either jinx or raffy has the idol for sure, so maybe i need to ask jinx for that. or i just ask the person who i'll be up against with in the tic tac toe to throw a challenge if they are the og eener too.

much to think about bestie booth. i wanna trust these ppl so bad but i have trust issues

https://youtu.be/JrXnnD5KU0I

---

naur this is the plan if we go to council

imma be like joey

you are the only cis white man on the team

you have to go.

you wanna be an ally?

THIS IS HOW!!!

so im pushing for u FEWEJFEEFJEFEIFEFIJW

heS ALWAYS SAYING HE WANTS TO BE A BETTER ALLY

ALWAYS CALLING ME LIKE JINX IM SO SORRY

ILL BE LIKE FOR WHAT??

HE'S LIKE FOR BEING A WHITE CIS STRAIGHT MAN.

IF UR REALLY SORRY ULL LEAVE!

I have to start this out by saying Giraffez, I’m so sorry! I tried my best but too many people wanted to keep us comp strong and wanted Lily O to stay. I really wish we would have had the chance to play longer together but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.

As far as swap goes, I’m really happy about my team. We have a majority from my original group which is pretty wild. I wish Chips was here and I really hope he makes it work somehow but I’m ngl I’m a little worried about him.

I was so so thrilled to see Jinx on Tua with me. I also have started talking with Captain and Jude. They both seem super nice so as always I’m hoping to avoid tribal once again.

I’d like to the think that original Llih (was that how you spelled it?) will stay together but Giraffez told me that Lily O told her that she was voting for me. Now obviously we all voted Giraffez but I think Lily O knows I was plotting. So. I hope we can stick together. But. Yeah. Your girl is worried. And excited. She is excited cause this group seems cool. But nervous because yeah I’m not ready for another vote out. Mkay. Bye.

This swap went pretty well for me all things considered. I still have a bunch of people from my OG Tribe, and the new people seem active and really nice! So, I like my tribe. Blake offered to me today to work together closely in the game which I am down for. The semi-inactive people need to stick together and all that lmao. Other than that, I am straight Vibing

Swap time! honestly its time to kick it into high gear and win this immunity challenge! make some real allies!

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD!!!!!! So I have arrived in a swapped team with 3 of my old members! SOOO happy Mikki is here firstly since we can discuss basically anything. Blake and Raffy im also cool with but not like as close with them. Maybe a bit more with Blake. Of the new people my fav is Chris !! Already liking our chats and hope it can turn more strategic later maybe!! Ricky is also cool and funny and chips I was allies with him in Kili which is cool but probably the weakest connection of the new people so far!! It looks like we are gonna lose and if so its kinda hard like on one hand we have easy majority to vote off idk probably chips or maybe ricky or we could go against tribal linesI think Blake truly does wanna work with me tho but is just busy. Like going against tribal lines is kinda fun but maybe dumb. And chips being the 1 in a 4-2-1 swap sucks too!! Idk kind of evaluating the vibe with Mikki and will see what we think later if we lose… we would probs be safe regardless being protected by tribal lines on one side and having developed sorta good vibes with Chris and Ricky from the other side so probs wouldn’t be targeted from that angle either?? Hopefully… I did have kind of a delayed start with the new people cuz of irl stuff but yah we will see!

My opinion on swap was initially sad because I was missing out on Jinx/Jude/Joey/Captain BUT then I realize I like this tribe?? Im with Ricky still, Mikki probably is sitting at the cookout as we spesk, Chips is lowkey goody but I got my eye on him, Benj and I bond over Agatha Christie <3, Blake I knew from TDI so we have been goofin like a Goofy movie, Raffy I actually enjoy that we chat of the most mundane things, and that's everybody! I think I have a chance to survive on this tribe

---

My thoughts are that I've got Ricky and Mikki at minimum. I know Mikki/Raffy got beef but I doubt they go for each other. Chips is like a level-headed Joey but I reckon one of him/Blake/Benj will be targeted if I had to guess. Nevertheless me and Captain talked during our matchup and exchanged info. My hope is me or Ricky are in Outhouse but I also hope not so we have higher odds to keep the goodies all goodie and safe

https://voca.ro/18WSqZznajDx

---

I LOVE JUDE

so idk where my last confessional left off but i think it was before tribal. so after tribal, jinx’s manifestations came true, we swapped, i ended up on a tribe with no one i knew except chris, so that was kind of…nnng. but hey, gotta roll with the punches. me and jinx were paired up for the challenge which game me a bit of time to talk with them, and they gave me some insight on ppl i didn’t really know on my tribe, and also they gave me a tarot reading, and it basically said that while i’m probably gonna have to deal with some bullshit, i just have to use everything i’ve learned to get over any obstacles, and stay calm and collected through it all. i’m really really praying for this one, since we just lost immunity, and now chris is going to the outhouse, i’m afraid that i��m truly all alone now. and if there’s one thing that scares me it’s being alone. i really like mikki tho, and i heard benj was good ppl. maybe if i let them know that raffy might have the half idol then maybe they’d be more inclined to work with me, but i also really enjoy raffy’s presence, so i don’t really want him to be a target. blake and i have had a good amount of dialogue so i’m hoping that he’d be willing to work with me, to be honest. ughhhhh why why why tribal. WHY TRIBAL. in all my years of playing tumble survivor i’ve never been sent to like…and exile or redemption island ONCE. not once….ever…. please god let me get to the outhouse just one time.

First of all, lemme just say I'm so amused by how quickly my chances of no-votes went RIGHT out the door. But also thank god that it went off without a hitch! And right before a swap, no less New tribe is definitely iconic. LOVE Jinx, Captain and Jude are cool too, and then my Llih buddies are also v nice to have (shoutouts monty and joey)

Tua supremacy babey

https://youtu.be/oP7DWOnmt40

https://youtu.be/Z3_pyWTdRh8

https://youtu.be/UFshPYJ98z0

hello confessional booth... i'm here to give you um. something i hope!!!!

well since the swap, i feel like i've managed to fit in better than i expected cause ive been feeling under the weather and i don't rlly have energy to talk to anyone (which is so great that our tribe won this IC) but i rlly need to work on that more for sure..

joey wants to work with me.. like a lot. we worked together for a bit in CoW before he was voted out and he was a great ally to me back then so i think i can trust joey a little bit? and he rlly wants the pocs to go far so i think this is a good sign.

with jinx, we've been wanting to talk about the outhouse thing but jinx wants to call and i've been feeling sick so we haven't called but hopefully we can do that soon. i trust jinx a lot and i know they're gonna take care of me.

jude.. you know i like her since i saw her intro vid so yup gonna need to talk to her more!!!

lily c.. my fellow teacher pls SFSFSDFSD i enjoy our chat a lot like idt its much but every time we talk, with her, it just feels great and nice and like we just get to know each other so far so i hope we can talk game a bit more but we'll see

lily o.. we haven't talked since the day the swap happened. idk why. maybe she's busy or maybe i should dm her first so i think i'm gonna do that tmr my time if i have the energy.

and monty... PLEASE idk if i can trust monty or not. like he's a good friend of mine but my experience in orgs with them is that they tried to break the swp apart (which was smart but then mikki and i are both playing so gotta keep an eyes on them)

i'm just trying to feel good and hopefully recover soon cause i hate being sick. idk i'm scared of covid!!!!! but i haven't gone outside for a week or two methinks so we're gonna pray and see.

---

missing mikki and hope she will be fine

Blake suggested starting an OG Eneer alliance to Mikki and Benj. They took them up on the offer so I guess I am in my first alliance of the game based on arbitrary reasons. In any case, they seem to want to vote out Chips which is a RIP. But whatever keeps me safe for one more round.

I don’t have an obsession with the Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood sketch from SNL... No I clearly don’t... https://youtu.be/whfQf3Pd5bU

It’s my chronic overthinking in this swap that is going to do me in, I feel. It’s the pressure of having to actually think differently, and coming off of EVERYTHING I’ve seen in this community over the past 6 months, oh good Lord have mercy, I feel as though its so hard for me to want to not sacrifice my game, but at the same time... I feel all the pressure in the world to flip. I did have a lucid dream that if I got to a point where I consistently voted only white people at every Council, it would make my game look REALLY good by comparison, since I literally did everything I could, and no, I don’t want to hear anyone post season say this was rigged for Jinx, it’s not, we’re only going to go against each other down the road because of how this season has been set up, and it breaks my heart

https://photos.app.goo.gl/eSvSGkc4zmBfnYVP7

So here's some tea I suppose. I was a pretty big fan of the tribe swap because people talked more in general. This was particularly interesting considering their different timezones but continued ability to keep up conversation. It was pretty apparent that I was at a numbers deficit from my original tribe but my hope was that people didn't want to play like "that" and then if they did that my former tribe would throw it to keep the numbers. Apparently that is not true as Lily C went as hard as possible to win a challenge she could have convincingly thrown as an "accident" multiple times. At any rate, based on the total lack of communication with me concerning who I am voting it is evident that either the plan is to vote someone without telling me or that it is to vote me. This means that regardless of the situation I am in a terrible position and will be leaving sooner rather than later. I don't know that I've been swap screwed in the past (perhaps, I've been playing for too long) but it really stinks.

For the TL;DR watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzftXB28gBE

http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-no-sir.gif

As I'm writing this, I have a big gulp from... you guessed it... 7/11. I need to flip on one of the three of Monty, Lily O, and Lily C. My best option is going to vote for Lily O, I need Monty and Lily C to know I'm only doing this because yanno, things look awfully awful, and the pressure of making the right move and yet making sure I don't lose relationships is starting to get to me.

I also need them as shields because theyre the only winners in this game, and I need them here as shields for down the road heading into a merge.

I can't even believe I found TWOA IDOLS! I had to think a lot about who to give it too but I decided to do what felt like the smartest thing to do. Jinx and Captain already trust me and I enjoy Ricky but he gives semi chaotic energy. With that in mind, I had to give it to Jude as a sign of faith. Not only am I wanting her to do well, but I want to prove to her I legit want to work with her come merge 😊

https://youtu.be/vOn8Zsi0njA

https://youtu.be/UWTB-LYjbu0

for Chips: https://youtu.be/lSeDZdSEl4o

#tsaw #episodes

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estuarries · 7 years ago

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baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil.

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked.

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

#mine #commentary #amazingphil #phil lester

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chaseprice · 7 years ago

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I WAS TAGGED TWICE TO DO THIS THANG (thank you @explosionshark and @morhdd Answer 11 questions, tag 11 people. write 11 questions for them to answer.

bri’s questions

1. what movies were you obsessed with as a kid?

fuckin. THE IRON GIANT. and pocahontas.

2. have you ever been able to get over any fears?

yeah. i’ve worked through a lot of fears that were as a result of anxiety in the past couple years. i managed to break off friendships that were detrimental to me; always something i was scared of. i came out. i was scared of that. also i kinda got over my fear of getting injections? (blood getting taken tho - no way.)

3. do you prefer seeing a movie in theaters or watching at home?

mmmm... theaters.

4. what was the first cd you bought for yourself?

bought for Myself? fuck. i used to rent pop party CDs from the library because i thought it was cool at the time? sdfjh

5. what’s your favorite thing about the place you live?

i don’t like a lot about my hometown, but i guess i like that its surrounded by fields and nature. i love where i live the rest of the time because my city has so much going on. especially in the music scene. idk i just love my city

6. what would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?

have an existential crisis probably?

7. what’s your favorite meal to make?

thai green curry & rice maybe......

8. what have you done this year that you’re proud of?

Came Out! Passed All My Exams! Made Cool Friends! Continued To Get Over Bunch Of Anxiety Problems! Embraced My Identity! Got Closer With People! Moved Out (Again)!

9. what are you really looking forward to right now?

FUCKIGNG JULIEn BAKER FUFFFFFF BOTHE RRFFMOF FUCK

also pride. and a bunch of other cool plans for this year

10. what genre of film does your life feel like?

like a shitty indie film that u absolutely hate the protag of and it just needs to end already adgjgdh

11. what do you wish more people knew about you?

the lengths i’d go to for my friends. (for irl people specifically: how fuckin sad and stupit and angry i get w myself sometimes and that it doesn’t reflect any of my feelings for individual people. also how gay i am)

ramona’s questions (I Fucked up the formatting here oops sorry)

favorite game you’ve played recently? i’ve been playing stardew valley n thats the only game ive played recently (except the demo for dishonored 2 but my pc doesnt rly like it) and it’s super cute but i got distracted and haven’t got back to it. smh

is there a band/artist/album you’ve been really stuck on lately? YEAH FUCKIN GREAT GRANDPA’S NEW ALBUM (thanks bri) BUT EVEN MORESO: PILLOW QUEENS ???? JUST DISCOVERED THEM THEY’RE SO GOOD i love Rats especially

do you have a favorite show of all time? uhhhhhhh no these questions too hard ramona. probably not. but i do like better call saul it’s okay. every good gay show i enjoy betrays me somehow. like scream and skam. skam didnt neecsarily do anything bad BUT THEY COULDVE BEEN BETTER. GIMME WLW. i was so obsessed with it tho, truly was my fave show ever at a point

favorite canon fictional couple? oh bb. pricefield

if you could visit anywhere where would you go? fuck this. everywhere. v desp for a US roadtrip when i graduate tho

would you want to stay in the place you’d like to visit? o fuck this. IDKKKK

any particularly embarrassing fandom memories that you’re far enough removed from that you’d admit to? YEAH LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER SAID OR DID IN THE GTA V FANDOM .... I WAS SO WEIRD AND PETTY AND STRAIGHT

top three ships at this moment? chaseprice amberprice emrey (THEY WHO IM THINKIN BOUT RN doesnt mean theyre.... da best)

top three bands at this moment? ok. im gonna make this five and pretend the two bands i mentioned up there ^^ are in the list. these are just recent btw not best ever. JOYCE MANOR bc i was listenin to them a lot before my gig, THE SPOOK SCHOOL !!!!! and idk. perfume genius

i am seriously dying coming up with questions, how are you doing today? i’m okay but i’m too warm here in this stuffy room. how u doing ramona?

YOUR CHOICE YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THIS SPACE I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU’RE GONNA DO GREAT. lgbtQ+ art and music and talent is the BEST and to be CHERISHED AND VALUED for EVER!!!!

AIIIGHTTTT so my 11 questions:

1. what have you been thinking about a lot lately? 2. what was the weather like where you are today? 3. you wanna meet with a close friend to catch up. do you go to a little café during the day and chat, do you go out somewhere at night time to a bar/party, do you go to one of each other’s places and order takeout -- what ideally happens? 4. what’s a really embarrassing childhood memory? 5. when you’re talking with people, what is a topic that will always make you cringe/feel FEAR if someone starts talking about it? 6. if you were to be famous, what would you wanna be famous for? 7. is there somebody you know who was an inspiration to you in any regard, or still is, that doesn’t know about it? if so, who? 8. what thing/s are you looking forward to before the year ends? 9. what do you do at new years? 10. who were the last two bands/singers you listened to, and which would you rather be offered free concert tickets for? 11. what material/texture do you like the feel of most?

i tag. @fortzancudo @drugru @borosouro (liddie if ur readin this i dont kno what ur url is gfhkfd) @sneffing @rachelambr @lesbianmikewheeler @maxcaulfield @gaymermutual @recourse-ao3 @the-insufferable @thestarryskiesofpalaven

#such a damn long ass post sorry

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kevinprace · 7 years ago

Note

For the emoji ask?? Thing?? Yeah 💗 🐹 🌠 👀 😘 🌟 🎁 🐇🌻🍓✈️☕️🌸🎵💛🍀 ☁️ 💜🐬 🍪🍑😊 🎨 🐶 👑 📚🐵💫 🎬 🐼 (It's a lot I know,, you can cut it in half if you want, pick ones you really wanna answer??)

(oh my gosh that is a lot but im deVOTED so im doing ‘em all)

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

- you, @bookofbway, because i would love to meet you irl

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

- funny story, i love whismur (because it actually beat one [1] elite trainer and it is weak as heck so) and i also love my chikorita (another weird story, apparently 10 year old me thought i should call it boba)

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

- it would look like a mess because i have zero experience in leading a world of people

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

- i was in like, the hunger games but with all my basketball team mates,,, it was wild. but we were in an arctic tundra so all i remember is being like “we should build an igloo ??!?!” it was weird

😘 talk about your crush or partner.

- well gee ,,,, um,,, well,,,,, they’ve got an amazing personality (like they constantly cheer me up and are always up for chatting about the randomest things and i love the way they make me feel happy and i love how sweet and thoughtful they are ,,) 3 guesses who

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

- 1. i have an ability to absorb information rlly fast ??? 2. my hair looks nice (10% of the time) 3. i have nice handwriting :0

🎁what never fails to make you happy?

- cute dog videos or talking to certain people (cough, you)

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

- having a stable job and a house and a cute dog and someone whom i love and who loves me,,,

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?

- eliminate homophobia/racism/transphobia/etc

- sTOP GLOBAL WARMING

- get trump sent to space w/o a spacesuit (sorry not sorry)

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

- ive never really thought about cities,, but hey san jose is rlly nice because its got nice weather most of the time and my fam lives there so

☕️ talk about your ideal day?

- wake up, go for run, eat breakfast, somehow spend all my time doing productive things while also being on the internet (not possible but i can dream)

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert, or extrovert?

- uh,,, introvert

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment.

- these are gonna be broadway songs but ya know:

1. charming (gc)

2. any memphis song honestly (but mostly syrar)

3. good for you (deh)

4. zero to hero (hercules) sue me

5. 24K magic (bruno mars) also sue me again it just reminds me of summer

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would it be and why?

- i would tell myself to chill out and try not to stress the small stuff, because i would save myself tons of panics

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be

- sIGN ME UP MEET THE NEW MRS. PARRIS

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?

- well,, today is over but,,, i avoided my sister’s artwork when she lowkey told me so i wouldnt get stuff on it ?? and i helped my dad make dinner so :’)

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

- prob not bc too much issues surrounded transformation ,, plus being human is ok w me??

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

- i wanted to be a lawyer (sjfksdj this is all phoenix wright’s fault) and now i wanna be a doctor or go into biomed.

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

- um, musicals, pretty people, moana

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

- writing? art? origami earrings?

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

- kevin price sue me

👑 who are your favorite celebrities and why?

- priyanka chopra- she plays a strong female lead on quantico and i love alex parrish (also shes gorgeous so)

- andrew rannells. need i say more

- katie mcgrath- morgana may be an evil character but hoo does she look good while being bad

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

- the book thief “i have hated words and i have loved them, and i hope i have made them right.”

- p&p “she was convinced that she could have been happy with him, when it was no longer likely they should meet.” (made me cry the first time i read it)

- percy jackson & tcc “let us find the dam snack bar” (wise words from zoe)

💫 who inspires you?

- my mom, she makes me better person. also my sister, because she pushes me to always put forward my best.

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

- mmmmm MOANA, HERCULES, PRINCESS AND THE FROG (i feel a disney theme) but i also love ntl treasure mm

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

- probably either an internet friend (hannah, sofie, etc) or andrew/katie because i love both of them and would love to see them,,,

(( i am so glad this is done im ))

#sofie :)#asks #answered #bookofbway #carter answers

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piefanart · 7 years ago

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Question Game!!

Tagged by @songheartstudios! Thank you so much!!!

1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people (or however many you want)

Do you have a game/franchise that has become your comfort?

yes!! Super Mario n64 ALWAYS gives me the best comfort nostalgia!! i also really love playing twilight princess when i feel down.

How many pets do you have/wish you had, and what type?

I currently have two cats,two zebra finches, and a dog. i want more cats, like 10. one day i shall be the crazy cat lady of my dreams. a bunny is also neccessary. i also really want a hedgehog, her name will be Sebastian. and i want a whale shark. fight me.

Do you have a best friend (or multiple!) you talk to every day? If so, how much do you love them?

my friend Emma is super close to me, i keep pressuring her to get a tumblr so i can tag her in dumb memes. i talk to @llama-jedi-master and @jeremy-1994 almost every day too (Jeremy is my internet best friend!) I talk to @killercreeper cat often, they are super awesome! And also theres my crush, Peregrine, whom i talk to on the phone almost every day and sometimes twice or more a day. our longest phone call was 6 hours, but it is not rare for them to last up to 4 hours. I love all of my friends very much and nobody is allowed to hurt them or i will fight them in a shady back alleyway at midnight.

What is your dream job?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS im gonna work for Nintendo’s concept art department. this is a fact.

Fondest childhood memory?

uhhhhhhhhhh... ohman that one is hard mainly cause i dont think about my childhood often. it would probably be when me and my irl bff Hannah had a sleepover where we watched the lord of the rings trilogy. halfway through return of the king, which was about 3 a.m., we started a game of star wars monopoly. also, to stay up so late, we each took a bag of pixi stix and dumped all of the powder into a cup. we mixed it with just enough water to make it into a sludge, and then bottoms up! perfect all-nighter drink.

Comfort food?

ramen noodles. cheap, sustainable, and reliable. also pizza. little ceasars.

Home activity that soothes you?

sewing makes me calm. it forces me to focus on one thing, especially when im working on a project i havent ever done before. and the hum of the sewing machine while its working is very calming to me.

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

im going to honeymoon in hobbitton, new zealand. but if i could go anywhere, right now, i would love to visit japan. theres so much cool stuff there, like cat and bunny cafes, cute shops, street fashion, amazing foods, and NINTENDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do you listen to music often? What kind?

YES. i mainly listen to nightcore, fall out boy, panic! at the disco, 21 pilots, video game soundtracks, imagine dragons, and pretty much anything else that catches my attention. this is what im pretty much 24/7 listening to: https://www.pandora.com/station/play/3424376025844576780

Do you like when random people show up in your inbox to chat, or are you too shy?

i love when random people ask questions or send messages. it always makes my day and makes me feel special that someone would not only notice me in the vast ocean of the internet, but take time out of their day to interact with me. in real life, i am extremely shy around new people, but online i tend to be more outgoing. haters are excluded from this btw.

Do/did you enjoy school? If so, for the learning or for the social aspect (or if you are/were homeschooled, the clubs or groups)?

i hate school. it takes time out of my day for things i mostly already know. i was homeschooled, i start college part time this fall. i tend to catch on to new things very quickly so repetetive work makes me frustrated.

My Questions for you:

1. Early bird or night owl?

2. whats the first video game you remember playing?

3. is there a food you hated as a child that you love now?

4. favorite gaming console (or r u a pc person?)

5. favorite childhood book?

6. do you have any special jewelry you wear? why do you wear it and where did you get it?

7. what fictional character would you want to date? would you marry them?

8. whats your favorite season and why?

9. whats your favorite color of cat?

10. whats a music genre you dont like? why not?

11. if you could meet anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be and why?

TAGS: @jeremy-1994, my amazing friend, @brigin, my internet mom, @fillyreports, awesome mutual, @trashperson32, a very cool person, @hugesucc-ess, cause ive never tagged them in anything but they are really nice, @pirothesquid, because i love seeing you show up in my notifs, @spear-180, another amazing peep, @llama-jedi-master just cause i tag u in everything, @comfort-cores-therapy-session, a very good rp blog, @killercreepercat, one of my favorite mutuals who i had the honor of meeting by chance irl, @the-truest-oncer, an irl friend of mine, @ff2-da-derp, awesome peep, @beautiful-azalea, who runs some amazing animal crossing blogs, @colorfulcollectordragon-2f8ee55c, another good mutual, @princess-of-erebor1992, ik life sucks but you are doing amazing!, @virgil-did-nothing-wrong, you r very good, and @ anyone who i missed or who wants to do this!!

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ivangeleenichirux3 · 7 years ago

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92 question tag thing

I was tagged by @bts-roleplay

(Though I don’t feel the best right now i’ll do this for you because i’ll forget)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Strawberry kiwi snapple (i have an addiction to this drink ok) 2. Phone call: My auntie 3. Text message: college buddies group chat 5. Time you cried: Today, I do it every day so...

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yes and I regret giving them that second chance 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: multiple times 8. Been cheated on: too many times to count... 9. Lost someone special: multiple people... no one sticks around in my life really.. 10. Been depressed: EVERY FUCKING DAY OK 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Not yet. just wait till I’m 21. I’ll make myself forget.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: Red, Black, Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes, and im grateful to them for making me feel worth something. 16. Fallen out of love: I’ve only fallen in love once and I’m honestly still not over her... 17. Laughed until you cried: once or twice yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: It happens when your that unattractive overweight kid.. 19. Met someone who changed you: yeah and it was probably for the worst... 20. Found out who your friends are: I thought I did once but i have a hard time with it now since everyone always leaves and forget... i may have 1 person that I can call a true friend and ive never even met her IRL 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: idek tbh...

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them I usually don’t accept request from strangers unless they share the same interest 23. Do you have any pets: Yes I Have many I have 2 mice currently named YinJin and V-Yang. A dog named Noona. A hedgehog named Chrona and 2 Roosters named HeiHei and Fluffy. 24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: After the weekend of my birthday passed I went back to my dorm and celebrated with my friend who surprised me with a cake and a cute banner. 26. What time did you wake up: 9:15am? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Getting ready for bed. 28. Name something you can’t do: Smile naturally. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: She visited me on my grad day and stayed around for 3 day. So it was 2-3 years ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Myself 31. What are you listening right now: 4 O’Clock By V and Rapmon 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Does a character in a roleplay count?

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: fake friends.. 34. Most visited Website: Tumblr/Youtube

LAST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: i have 2 specific moles that always get noticed one on my left shoulder and one on my right hip. 36. Mark/s: Wrist scars at least 20 and scars on my knees as well as between my pointer and middle finger on my left hand. 37. Childhood dream: When I was a kid I legit wanted to be one of those people who would collect venom for venomous snakes to heal people who have been bitten. 38. Haircolor: I was grapemon for a while but it faded so now it’s a red brown color. 39. Long or short hair: It’s getting long but I don’t like it. it’s down to my shoulders now. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: No..I honestly will never trust anyone enough to even remotely like them like that. (unless its hobi or suga they are my forever crushes XD) 41. What do you like about yourself: Next question.. 42. Piercings: Ears, Tongue,Nose 43. Bloodtype: O+

44. Nickname: Melly, Melon, MelMel, Mel 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them 48. Favorite TV Show: Return of superman 49. Tattoos: Nothing yet, i’m super broke so... but I would like some I already have design for 2 I want atmost 4 50. Right or left hand: Right handed 51. Surgery: Nope thank goodness 52. Hair dyed in different color: Red and purple. 53. Sport: soccer, shooting, archery, baseball 55. Vacation: S. Korea or japan is where I want to go or maybe just go to my birthplace Puerto Rico 56. Pair of trainers: ???

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Nothing I literally had 1 meal today 58. Drinking: nothing 59. I’m about to: draw a bit more and go shower 61. Waiting for: the weekend so i can see my children 63. Get married: I don’t want to anymore... 64. Career: illustration/ animation

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Kisses, hugs are ok but I personally like kisses more 66. Lips or eyes: i like both but maybe lips just because i get a bit uncomfy lookign at peoples eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller tbh 68. Older or younger: Either. Each girl I’ve dated has always been younger 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Either 71. Sensitive or loud: Why do I have to pick? I’d like someone like hobi (he is both) 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. hook ups make me awkward afterwards... 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, since im usually the hesitant one i need someone to balance me out.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: yes, Mostly at convention when I played the pocky/pepero game with people. 75. Drank hard liquor: yeah, im not a big hard liquor fan tbh 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 77. Turned someone down: yeah. most of the time I feel so bad that I cry after 78. Sex on the first date: Ive never been on a date so... 79. Broken someone’s heart: Idk maybe? 80. Had your heart broken: EVERY-FUCKIGNRALTIONSHIP-IVE-HAD-OMG-IM-SO-DONE-WITH-RELATIONSHIPS-BECAUSE-OF-THIS. 81. Been arrested: Nah 82. Cried when someone died: Only once 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Nope, I am utter trash 85. Miracles: I guess. 86. Love at first sight: Yeah, She broke my heart but I’m still not over her.. she was the first and only one... 87. Santa Claus: No 88. Kiss on the first date: No way unless its like a cute innocet cheek kiss. I’m ok with those 89. Angels: How can you ask that When Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin exist?

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: Do I even Have one anymore 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: Spirited Away has always been and always will be

Here you go I guess.

Do I really have to tag people?

Fine.

I Tag: @ask-the-kpop-lightsticks @noonaxchrissy @facelessscar @ask-camboy-hobi @squaretilla @shingekicornwrites @ask-artist-jin

#Idk who else to tag tbh #ask thing #im not ok

1 note · View note

hoetron · 7 years ago

Text

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to

42. BLOODTYPE: shit i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88 questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji )

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest

#raedy to talk shit #mattie #mothable #w e eps #this took fucking forever babes #LONG POST

2 notes · View notes

midoriyasbones · 8 years ago

Note

1-155

what have i done...

1: Full name

not comfortable giving online... so you’re getting Juiliet Capulet

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

the dark

abandonment/being forgotten

bees

4: 3 things I love

writing

voltron

all star cheerleading

5: 4 turns on

humor

good communicator

patience

a working knowledge of psychology

6: 4 turns off

selfish/manipulative

communism

unsanitary bathrooms

the triggered meme.

7: My best friend

irl: @theoceansaresoup and @thecoastisclare

online: @momiswearimnotgalra

8: Sexual orientation

//sweats// pansexual...?

9: My best first date

i dont think i’ve ever had one really...

10: How tall am I

5 foot 5!

11: What do I miss

emotional stability.

12: What time were I born

7:30 in the morning

13: Favourite color

yellow!

14: Do I have a crush

yEs

15: Favourite quote

‘A girl is a gun’

16: Favourite place

anywhere thats not home

17: Favourite food

CHICKEN SOFT TACOS WITH CHEESE AND SOUR CREAM

18: Do I use sarcasm

too much tbh

19: What am I listening to right now

C418

20: First thing I notice in new person

intelligence

21: Shoe size

women’s 5

22: Eye color

brown

23: Hair color

brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

uh... sweatpants??

25: Ever done a prank call?

nope

27: Meaning behind my URL

i just really fuckign love tacos man

28: Favourite movie

Singing in the Rain

29: Favourite song

Smoke Filled Room - Mako

30: Favourite band

C418

31: How I feel right now

p good

32: Someone I love

@medlie

33: My current relationship status

single

34: My relationship with my parents

s t r a i n e d

35: Favourite holiday

Cheerleading Worlds Weekend

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

my ears are pierced??? does that count...

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

‘vaccinate your fucking kids’ on my forehead tbh (jk)

i actually want a little star on my wrist... for FotS... (only bes

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

dunno

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

my last ex is @momiswearimnotgalra and no we definitely do not

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

never.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

8th grade i think?????

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

mom thinks 3 hours but tbh its like 15 minutes

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

i haven’t shaved them since june of 2016 *laughing*

45: Where am I right now?

office

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

the coroner bc if i drank i’d DIE

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

BOTH

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yes

49: Am I excited for anything?

graduating

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

not really

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

all the time

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

/??????

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

never been kissed ://

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

myself ://

55: What is something I disliked about today?

cant name it.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

JEREMY SHADA

57: What do I think about most?

my writing

58: What’s my strangest talent?

ive never lost a game of rummikube

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

bees.

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

both.

61: What was the last lie I told?

‘yeah im ok’

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

both??? //sweats//

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

i dunno man

64: Do I believe in magic?

i dunno man

65: Do I believe in luck?

i dunno man

66: What's the weather like right now?

cold, but a nice night

67: What was the last book I've read?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

noooo

69: Do I have any nicknames?

jules, jui,

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?

a dog once nearly scratched my eye out

71: Do I spend money or save it?

save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

a pink index card

74: Favourite animal?

cant choose!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

writing. i shit you not.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

what the fuck kind of question is this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

World Cup Shooting Stars Cheer Mix 2014-2015 :’)

78: How can you win my heart?

never leave

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

‘well that was anti-climatic’

80: What is my favorite word?

drowsy!

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@thebootydiaries

@elentori-art

@theoceansaresoup

@momiswearimnotgalra

@thecoastisclare

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

‘vaccinate your fucking kids’

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

nope

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

the power to know what to say

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

‘Are you manipulative?’

86: What is my current desktop picture?

Voltron.

87: Had sex?

too personal and too hard to define

88: Bought condoms?

nope

89: Gotten pregnant?

nope im gay

90: Failed a class?

91: Kissed a boy?

92: Kissed a girl?

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

94: Had job?

minecraft??

95: Left the house without my wallet?

every damn day

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

97: Had sex in public?

98: Played on a sports team?

unfortunately

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

whats an alcohol

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

104: Been overweight?

105: Been underweight?

yes

106: Been to a wedding?

yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

longer

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

109: Been outside my home country?

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yes

111: Been to a professional sports game?

yes

112: Broken a bone?

not sure

113: Cut myself?

yes

114: Been to prom?

yes

115: Been in airplane?

yes

116: Fly by helicopter?

117: What concerts have I been to?

INDIANA SYMPHONY LMAO

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yes

119: Learned another language?

yes

120: Wore make up?

yes

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

too personal and too hard to define

122: Had oral sex?

123: Dyed my hair?

124: Voted in a presidential election?

125: Rode in an ambulance?

126: Had a surgery?

yes

127: Met someone famous?

no??

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

129: Peed outside?

yes

130: Been fishing?

yes

131: Helped with charity?

yes

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yes :’)

133: Broken a mirror?

134: What do I want for birthday?

Tarte Make Believe In Yourself Palette

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

no idea to both

136: Was I named after anyone?

137: Do I like my handwriting?

ehhhhh

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

LITTLEST PET SHOP

139: Favourite Tv Show?

Voltron

140: Where do I want to live when older?

california???? maybe... definitely nyc tho

141: Play any musical instrument?

3, clarinet, piano, and trumpet

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

slipped and fell and slammed my shin into a picnic table

143: Favourite pizza topping?

nothing.

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

yes

145: Am I afraid of heights?

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

yes

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yes

148: What I'm really bad at

judging emotions

149: What my greatest achievements are

getting fan art made of my fan fics

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

‘You use your intelligence to put others down’ or something along those lines. i know im smart, but i dont use it to make others feel stupid. i do however correct people when they’re wrong. im sorry if you cant bother to look things up after you see them once (1 time) on tumblr like okay.

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery

cry then buy my school a fine arts center

152: What do I like about myself

good writer!

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@cherishtheadolesence

154: Something I fantasize about

acceptance

155: Any question you'd like?

what’s my iq? 156 last i checked

5 notes · View notes

dfosanctum · 6 years ago

Text

day 2

[1/17/2017 11:55:16 PM] Racky: “there are hot boys everywhere my friend” man i guess it's the treb experimental years now [1/18/2017 2:26:23 AM] Racky: that and walking into [1/18/2017 2:26:38 AM] Racky: “Pedophile Furries courtesy of Treb” is definitely making me wonder about this [1/18/2017 2:38:21 AM] Racky: http://dfonexus.com/posts/371772/ [1/18/2017 7:08:29 AM] Treb: Last night was so out of hand [1/18/2017 7:08:49 AM] Treb: It was just like being drunk without the alcohol [1/18/2017 7:08:55 AM] Glorious Wheelchair King: wait what [1/18/2017 7:09:32 AM] Ariano: Yes it was [1/18/2017 7:10:13 AM] Ariano: Like we'd go to town and you didn't read the quests because shig kept distracting you [1/18/2017 7:10:59 AM] Ariano: Also pusheen shig [1/18/2017 7:15:52 AM] Ariano: Treb was getting into the half breeds/furries while shig getting into his stuffed cat [1/18/2017 7:31:05 AM] Treb: That's a good summary haha [1/18/2017 7:31:21 AM] Treb: Pushmeme Shig [1/18/2017 8:53:49 AM] Shig: msn [1/18/2017 8:54:00 AM] Shig: wind cannon is basically birb slaughter canyon [1/18/2017 8:54:06 AM] Shig: yhou kill so many fucking birds [1/18/2017 12:47:03 PM] Ariano: Half of Houston is underwater again [1/18/2017 12:47:19 PM] Ariano: Or at least it was in the morning [1/18/2017 12:47:33 PM] Ariano: Welcome to Atlantis y'all [1/18/2017 12:56:44 PM] Racky: dw about it ari [1/18/2017 12:57:05 PM] Racky: there's some hydration for all the thirsty ppl in houston [1/18/2017 12:59:20 PM] Shig: So many birbs [1/18/2017 12:59:42 PM] Shig: Princess Isabella is apparently a striker [1/18/2017 1:00:06 PM] Shig: And she's exactly like a fucking brick wall [1/18/2017 1:00:16 PM] Shig: She takes 0 damage and deals 0 damage [1/18/2017 1:00:59 PM] Racky: dammit shig shut up stop spoiling things [1/18/2017 1:02:30 PM] Ariano: Smh [1/18/2017 1:02:40 PM] Ariano: Talk to pusheen about it shig [1/18/2017 1:06:05 PM] Racky: man i thought i was gonna be doing luke scenarios alone [1/18/2017 1:06:07 PM] Racky: but no [1/18/2017 1:06:11 PM] Racky: i get a free shig [1/18/2017 1:06:34 PM] Racky: this fmech was like [1/18/2017 1:06:37 PM] Racky: SORRY IM SO LOUD [1/18/2017 1:06:41 PM] Racky: like shig and shigmom [1/18/2017 1:06:44 PM] Racky: and like [1/18/2017 1:06:49 PM] Racky: put vipers the wrong way [1/18/2017 1:06:55 PM] Shig: MAN [1/18/2017 1:07:04 PM] Shig: I literally said that when we did scenarios [1/18/2017 1:07:07 PM] Shig: Last night [1/18/2017 1:07:12 PM] Racky: mindlink [1/18/2017 1:07:14 PM] Shig: This is literally apc shig [1/18/2017 1:07:23 PM] Racky: apc shig did not do anything [1/18/2017 1:07:24 PM] Shig: Have fun with meme force and wrong viper placements [1/18/2017 1:07:39 PM] Racky: man so [1/18/2017 1:07:45 PM] Racky: i just got to furry central [1/18/2017 1:07:51 PM] Racky: and shig [1/18/2017 1:08:10 PM] Racky: your gonna need to share you shignarios [1/18/2017 1:08:25 PM] Shig: Why me? [1/18/2017 1:08:34 PM] Shig: Oh 18 level 86 alts [1/18/2017 1:08:40 PM] Shig: Kk [1/18/2017 1:08:44 PM] Racky: becuase're you're plowing ahead [1/18/2017 1:08:57 PM] Ariano: FSpit hasn't done hers yet. I think I only have two classes that are doing those scenarios [1/18/2017 1:09:05 PM] Racky: ok [1/18/2017 1:09:05 PM] Shig: No shit doob [1/18/2017 1:09:10 PM] Racky: thats good [1/18/2017 1:09:15 PM] Racky: man [1/18/2017 1:09:27 PM] Racky: what time are you guys here tonight [1/18/2017 1:09:34 PM] Ariano: Unlocked kings road on first dungeon. I get hit too much. Tho [1/18/2017 1:09:36 PM] Shig: You should've recorded last night [1/18/2017 1:09:47 PM] Shig: Holy shit some gold came up [1/18/2017 1:09:51 PM] Ariano: Likely after 7pm central [1/18/2017 1:10:09 PM] Shig: So 8 est? [1/18/2017 1:10:27 PM] Racky: list the gold in chat [1/18/2017 1:10:43 PM] Racky: "8/7 central" - generic tv [1/18/2017 1:11:07 PM] Ariano: Yes [1/18/2017 1:11:26 PM] Shig: Kk [1/18/2017 1:11:31 PM] Ariano: Aka generic time I'm home [1/18/2017 1:11:37 PM] Ariano: Unless I'm doing something [1/18/2017 1:12:01 PM] Shig: Like showering :^ ) [1/18/2017 1:12:28 PM] Ariano: Bitch wouldn't you just like to see [1/18/2017 1:12:32 PM] Racky: damn [1/18/2017 1:12:56 PM] Racky: (bomb) [1/18/2017 1:13:08 PM] Ariano: (cheers) [1/18/2017 1:17:14 PM] Shig: Also [1/18/2017 1:17:27 PM] Shig: New shig meme straight from the presses [1/18/2017 1:17:45 PM] Shig: Shig the PUSHEEN whisperer [1/18/2017 1:18:26 PM] Shig: Instead of crazy old cat lady its crazy old Pusheen lady [1/18/2017 1:22:02 PM] Racky: man shig u can't even get a real cat [1/18/2017 2:13:40 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): sup peeps! [1/18/2017 2:13:50 PM] Racky: eyy naiji [1/18/2017 2:13:52 PM] Glorious Wheelchair King: hey naiji [1/18/2017 2:14:04 PM] Glorious Wheelchair King: what do you think of the new update [1/18/2017 2:14:47 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): haven't had a enough time with it yet. Just got back from hangin wit some IRL friends. [1/18/2017 2:15:36 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): Played a bit wit ari and so far it just feels like more "questing" atm [1/18/2017 2:17:20 PM] Shig: eeey [1/18/2017 2:17:48 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): Gonna go with music library shuffle for today's BGM. [1/18/2017 2:18:06 PM | Edited 2:18:14 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): Don't really what to listen to right now. [1/18/2017 2:18:30 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): so random animu music it is. [1/18/2017 2:19:16 PM] Glorious Wheelchair King: The first pandemonium questline is a love triangle Involving a big evil furry daddy [1/18/2017 2:19:16 PM] Shig: lol [1/18/2017 2:19:38 PM] Treb: Well you're not wrong [1/18/2017 2:21:44 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): anybody wanna go wit me on ma scenarios? [1/18/2017 2:21:55 PM] Shig: sure [1/18/2017 2:21:57 PM] Shig: gimme a second [1/18/2017 2:22:11 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): anybody else? [1/18/2017 2:22:22 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): the more the merrier [1/18/2017 2:22:35 PM] Shig: ive reached the forest of little red riding hod [1/18/2017 2:22:41 PM] Shig: little red BB Hood* [1/18/2017 2:25:19 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): well more experience before you move forward I guess? [1/18/2017 2:25:28 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): i just got to pandemonium. [1/18/2017 2:25:45 PM] Shig: sure [1/18/2017 2:42:08 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): wow my internet is acting wonky today [1/18/2017 2:42:17 PM] Shig: man [1/18/2017 3:16:01 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): WHY THE HELL MUST EVERY MOBILE GAME BE GACHA STYLE BS? [1/18/2017 3:16:17 PM] Shig: gotta make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ by rngesus [1/18/2017 3:16:39 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): FE on mobile is the same damn way! [1/18/2017 3:20:10 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): oh and shig are you done with fire emblem fates yet? [1/18/2017 3:25:01 PM] Shig: i was already done like what [1/18/2017 3:25:11 PM] Shig: a week after it came out [1/18/2017 3:25:15 PM] Shig: and the same for revelations [1/18/2017 3:25:25 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): well another is coming for 3DS in the fall [1/18/2017 3:25:36 PM] Shig: eh [1/18/2017 3:25:41 PM] Shig: more interested in MUSOU EMBLEM [1/18/2017 3:26:07 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): reserve excitement for now. they only show more of chrom gameplay. [1/18/2017 3:26:28 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): at the very least i wasn't impressed yet. [1/18/2017 3:37:08 PM] Issac Felix: I'm playing all three lol [1/18/2017 3:37:23 PM] Issac Felix: Fire emblem echo is a remake of fire emblmem gaiden [1/18/2017 3:37:46 PM] Shig: wait gaiden? [1/18/2017 3:37:48 PM] Shig: oh shit [1/18/2017 3:37:56 PM] Shig: one of the games that never got a stateside release [1/18/2017 3:38:06 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): yup completely remade. [1/18/2017 3:38:20 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): or so they say. [1/18/2017 3:40:07 PM | Edited 3:40:29 PM] Racky: im changing the title of this chat before we get put on more watchlists [1/18/2017 3:40:19 PM] *** Racky has renamed this conversation to "cringemonium" ***

0 notes

haeroniel-doliet · 6 years ago

Text

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more.

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya.

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else.

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah.

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds.... ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other.

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks)

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!) anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until. yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...) ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess)

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade.

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh.

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.)

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me) but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that....

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that.

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it- idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk.

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first) i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” )

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it.

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is?

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work

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survivormoheli · 7 years ago

Text

Episode Eleven - “I've never felt so popular” - Eric K

Tim

This literally could NOT have been a more worse challenge for me. I did this in Lago De Atitlan and my ass gave up on it because I could never get the correct answer so I quit and or never submitted. Im literally cryinggggg this is like the worst. Mastermind was robbed of being the final 7 challenge tbh.

Eric K

The one day I actually don't spend my life in the lab and I'm away from my laptop and my phone's dying and everybody is messaging me! I've never felt so popular... But obviously the desperation to stay was real for Dani with a few missed Skype calls I noticed once I got my phone plugged in. I'm happy with y current position but the thought of me potentially being at the bottom of the totem pole in my alliance is definitely in my mind. Richie has approached me but I feel like that's out of desperation to stay in the game. I think I'm going to message people individually in my alliance to see what I can get out of it in terms of reassurance...

Lynn

okay okay okay yay i’m safe and as stressful as this vote was it was really nice that my alliance was there for me and willing to go to rocks to keep me in the game! it really made my heart happy and i love them!

Blake

The plan worked! Tara got him to trust her by telling him she wud take him to F3 with Eric and that she wud take me and Lynn out! And j got to Erica by baiting Dani into saying she wants to vote Tim out! And she also said the same thing about Eric so now I know inhale gim with me the entire game! Bc I also got quotes of Richie and Phoenix saying they wnat Eric out! Quotes are magical I’m leaneing so much about skype! And well witht I’m i was like you really wanan go to rocks for someone who wrote your name down and only Flipped in the last hour. Me and Tara go to him we r a great team!!

Tim

SO I completed the Immunity challenge in about 5 minutes and honestly I'm shook. I may not have it in the bag but I'm proud of myself for completing it nonetheless. I just wonder if Lynn and Blake's time advantage will allow them to snatch the win. I'm just not entirelyyyy confident that I have a good time but who knows.

Phoenix McInroe

DANI!!!!! Nooooo :-(

Blake

tbh im scared to do this challenge bc ik i need to win it bc im definitely gettin votes tonight. BC i dont knwo iff eric is fully with me...

Blake

F3 will be me Lynn and Tara you are hearing this first here on Moheli Confessions thank yo have a good night.

Blake

If Tara or Lynn flip on me my heart is broken and they deserve to win this game

BLAKE

HI YES HELLO BLAKE IS AN IDIOT AND DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COPY AND PASTE HJSKDFJSDNKDF I WUD LIKE OF HAVE LIKE 45 SECS SHAVED OFF MY TIME IF I WASNT A FREAKIN IDIOT I HATE MYSELF! CCOPY AND PASTING IS GONNA SEND MY ASS HOLE HOME OMG RIPPP!

Lynn

a lil aggravated at my closest alliance rn but ik i can’t let my annoyances ruin a good ass alliance but god i’m a little tired of working with him and it’s killing me slowly inside to continue

Eric K

Hi I won! I'm honestly so surprised!! But yayyyy!!!

Eric K

I'm thinking of putting in Raffi and JG because I was iloj good terms with both of them before they got voted off. I know some of the members of my alliance may be in danger but I'm hoping they will make a decision that's best for me in the end. Fingers crossed!!

Blake

I AM SOO GLAD ERIC WON! maybe lol idk im suspicious of him bc like i hope he sees me more as a friend then a threat bc he cud easily turn on me ... just one more vote. then it wont matter what he does! me lynn and tara are planning to go all the way with this!

Tara

me n phoenix r gonna hang out irl tomorrow!!! i'm so excited!! we're gonna see love simon n eat ice cream. i think i'm getting voted out today tho...... so drama! hhopefully i don't bcos i rly wanna see love simon HAHAHA

shoutout to ISAAC!!!! thank u for drafting me. u r the bomb dot com. ko te isaac ko te poma. thats some maori for u!! maori is the native language in nz i'm tryna use it more in my vocab. um anywayyy thank u isaac for drafting me i think i don't know u either but it'd b rly cool 2 chat! can u believe i got to f7?? i rly thought i was getting premerge but wowzas i' m here! i hope i get u lots of points and u win. ka pai! haere ra, e noho ra!

Tim

With Raffy and JG voting this round things are going to get intensee. Im really relying on them voting Blake so Richie can live. Also Eric winning immunity and making him less goaty? Surprising.

Richie

well...... last round i was so suspicious that things weren't going to go well and i was right which sucks... there was a big thing where dani wanted to take out tara and tim wanted to take out lynn so i was trying so hard to work on that situation to nail down the plan before doing anything else and then all of a sudden tim was like "i got the votes to get rid of lynn" and i was like....?????? and then he said he had tara and i was like !?!?!?!!?!!!!!???? and i was trying to seem trusting of tim bc im still probably on thin ice from the raffy vote and he assured me that everything was in place but i should have done more and then the votes came in and it was a tie and i tried to get eric but he ignored me and i was like fuck bc i knew tim wouldnt risk rocks for dani so shes gone and now blake/lynn/tara are all still here and all i have now is tim and phoenix and me and phoenix havent talked since l i t e r a l l y day 3.... i knew i had dani and dani had phoenix but now shes gone its like.... fuck

i went to the group chat of me tim and phoenix and really reiterated that we need to stick together and i was like hey we havent been the best group but the only way we make it is if we're together....bc if theyre desperate and think its one of them i dont want them going around throwing me under the bus to save themselves this round!!!! ive been working on building a personal relationship with eric and during the revote debacle i proposed a f3 deal with him but idk where that stands im hoping thats something that can save me bc hes #4 in blake/lynn/tara who are a strong group if i'm promising him f3 thats the better option for him.... god i hate this i just want to survive this vote bc 7th place sounds so much uglier than 6th place

Richie

also i was reading the rules and it said there was no idols in this game but there were still rules on how to play an idol....... and all the rewards in this game have been super immediate like advantages for the current round or the following one but i remember there was one week where someone won reward and nothing came out of it..... and i thiiiiiiiink it was blake??? so im not sure but i wouldnt be surprised if he pulls something out tonight since its his first time being openly non-immune that he probably feels in jeopardy but id rather take the shot at him tonight and risk it than play it safe bc im probably going home anyway and if jg and raffy are voting from the jury they'll hopefully direct their anger at blake??????? which might make it so we dont even need eric?????? ugh who knows... i feel like if blake really felt in trouble tonight he would have come to me about this vote....

Tim

Based on Tara's answer she's gonna be solid with Blake and Lynn and ughhh that hurts but here is the tea: https://brandnewconfessionalblog.tumblr.com/post/172461067963

Blake

I’m scared af about this tribal! Richie is smart he’s gonna try to get Eric to vote me out! Sooo nervous I hate not being immune this is worse than the open world. It’s getting so close to F3 and I just want to get there soo ba domg i hav worked sooo hard I voted ppl out I care about and I don’t want that all to Ben in vain! And I’m super excited about the F6 twist I want to know So bad! This is my last super scary vote! After this Ik me Lynn and Tara will stay together. This is the last time it won’t be a tie vote or majority I think unless some advantages come into play!

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