#chat help I have 10 exams next week

[qingwaaa]

That’s cool bro, but like what if Irkens cried stars tho?

[ohmyamor]

ateez as college bfs during finals

it's my finals week and head hurty but crazy form good hnngjdnjgnjdf

hongjoong

will help you study but only if you bribe him a little

it's not that he wants to see you fail

he definitely does not want that

but at the same time

you would most likely do just fine studying on your own

he has a sneaking suspicion you just want to bother him

it's not until you bring out the "I'll do whatever you want for the next two weeks" that he's quick to agree

would he use this promise to his advantage? absolutely

hongjoong would help you study but then once you pass (you'd definitely pass with his help), he'd be quick to make you buy him food or pass him the blanket that is literal inches away from him

if you want to pass, you could also guilt trip him into helping you study by saying you'll just go to your TA

who's a man..

your same age...

hongjoong is real quick to whip out the flash cards after that

unless you give him a hard time, then he'll personally take you to the TA's room himself

7/10- would help you study but is all the work he would make you do after worth it?

debatable

seonghwa

absolute king

would drop everything to help you in the blink of an eye

he's got the studying playlists on youtube

anything you want to listen to, he's got it

lofi? yup. asmr? check. dark academia aesthetic? absolutely

color coded notes, flashcards, practice quizzes up and running

can seem a bit overwhelming at first but seonghwa gives me the vibes that he would just know you so well

and therefore he would know what type of studying or work environment you thrive in

and you're his baby, he wants to see you succeed :((

if you ever get frustrated or overwhelmed, seonghwa would 100% have your favorite drink and snack ready

some coffee to stay awake? whatever u need, some tea to relax? bet, he's got the honey and everything

your number 1 hype man frfr

10/10 need him in my life

yunho

honestly, also really good to have around during finals

strikes me as the type of bf to kind of sit with you and also silently work alongside you so you don't feel lonely

does that thing when you're writing a paper or smth and you look up to think of the word you want to use and the two of you make eye contact and he'll send you a wink and a big smile

little motivations yaknow

would also definitely use the pomodoro method

has a timer on his phone for every 45 minutes and when the time is up he'll gently shut your computer and grab your hands and just chat

would be the best person to bounce ideas of off

"yuyu, should I say this or this?"

and he would give genuine feedback

if you need help studying for an exam, yunho might not know all the answers but you can bet he would be right there with you watching videos of people working out the problems

gives you little high fives when you both get it

9/10 might get occasionally distracted by his beautiful blinding smiles but honestly a pretty solid study partner

yeosang

mans is just there to vibe and honestly same

i dont wanna say he has absolutely no clue what's going on

because he does listen to you and he does pay attention when you talk about your classes

but at the same time, he doesn't really give me the vibes he would be as great at studying as some of the others

more there for moral and emotional support than anything

might feel bad he can't be of more help so he tries his best to listen to your lectures if you're at home, but man, it sounds like a different language somebody save him

would definitely make sure you're eating and resting well though

"sweetheart I think it's time to take a break"

"yeosang I just need to finish a few more problems :("

"you can do it after you eat something, it'll be easier to finish with a clear head and a full tummy"

crying screaming throwing up

would otherwise leave you to your devices tbh

doesn't want to distract you but also doesn't want you to be completely alone in case you forget to take care of yourself

8/10 man is doing his absolute best and we love him for it

san

honestly this could go one of two ways

he could either be the most serious, hella studious mf you've ever met

or he could be the most unserious, menacing bitch you've ever met

it all depends on his mood

serious san is in the mf ZONE

he's got the glasses on, he has his notes out, comfy sweater and gray sweats ON

ready to give you a mom look every time you get distracted

at one point you'd probably try to play footsies with him and he just kinda stares at you over the top of his glasses with one eyebrow raised and you just slowly return your gaze to your work

that being said

glasses ON, sweats ON, absolute fucking menace

teasing you fs

maybe not even like in a sexual manner, just tickling you and cracking stupid jokes because he wants your attention

WILL kiss your neck and tell you "you're so smart baby, you're going to pass no matter what"

your will power needs to be better than the lords because LORD

what san wants, san gets that's all imma say

5/10 you don't know what you're gonna get and it's scary

mingi

im tired of the mingi is dumb allegations

mans is smart as hell, not only in math but also the amount of lyrics and songs he helps to produce??

studious mingi is one hell of a study partner

it might be a little bit of a learning curve at first, especially if you're the type of person to want to chat or bounce your ideas off of someone while you're working

mingi gives me the vibes that he would be dead serious and focused while working

so it might be a little intimidating at first

you look up to ask a question and he's sitting there, eyebrows furrowed and fingers flying across the keyboard

and you're like damn i don't want to disturb him so you swallow your question and move your eyes back to your work

but mingi is also very observant, so he definitely notices that

"what's up baby?"

"mmmm nothing" you mumble, trying to figure out this particular problem

he'll shut his laptop off and scoot closer to you

wordlessly helps you figure out whatever it is you're working on before giving you a small kiss to your forehead and moving on

8/10 he can be the stem major to my humanities major

wooyoung

let's be fr, not the best study partner you could ask for

love wooyoung with all my heart but mans gets distracted easy as hell

has probably tried the pomodoro method but it just doesn't work for him

sitting for longer periods of times just makes him antsy yk

i get the feeling he'd be the type of person to get one of those moving desks that goes up and down and then puts a treadmill or smth under it because he needs to be moving or else he'll get very distracted

do NOT take this man to a cafe to work, he will do everything but study

especially with the people watching

"babe look at that guy over there, his shoelace is untied"

"that girl's shirt tag is sticking out, should I say something"

"the barista spilled that woman's drink"

if you're okay with background noise, it probably wouldn't be too bad....

until he starts wanting attention and now he's playing footsies with YOU

"woo, babe, I really need to finish this, it's due tomorrow"

"so you don't love me is what you're saying"

and now two hours have passed and you only have half of an assignment done

will buy you food and/or coffee to make up for it

"sorry for distracting you, you don't need a degree, your ass is great"

3/10

jongho

scary

scary studying man

has everything organized to a T, do NOT touch his notes unless you're okay with dealing with the 3 days of silent treatment afterwards

im jk

maybe...

no but fr, jongho takes studying seriously

if you ask him for help, he would probably be the best bet besides seonghwa or yunho

but this shit is like boot camp, okay? so be prepared

no fooling around on jongho's watch

you want to pass, guess what baby, you're gonna PASS

does that thing where if you're not getting something, he might not explain it to you, just re-asks the question louder

"what's 3 + 4?"

"6"

*sighs* "WHAT'S 3 + 4?!"

or might just stare at you blankly when you try to joke around

mans acts like he's training future CIA members or something

once you do finish studying he's back to regularly scheduled bear bf but studying??

only for the strongest soldiers

6/10

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[f4iry-bell]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄 | 2

pairing: jameson hawthorne x nerd/good girl reader

summary: summary: who would have guessed taking an unwanted picture of her could lead to that tense moment? more than that, who would have thought it would get his attention to make a deal? and guys like him drain a person inside out when are interested in you.

series taglist: @clarissaweasley-10 @whatsamongus @sheisntyou @emelia07 @elysianwayy77 @lyra-kane @bewitchingkisses @zenikswaffleshop @off-to-the-r4ces @jamcarven

permanent taglist (for jameson): @clarissaweasley-10 @whatsamongus @sheisntyou @emelia07 @elysianwayy77

warning: edges????

word count: 1.5k

a/n: I'm so sorry, i wrote half of it during my exam week. next part will be better!!!😞

masterlist | series masterlist

← part 1

After making their deal official by shaking their hands, Jameson immediately asked for her number. She was hesitant to give it to him, even suggesting that he'd accept her email address instead. Jameson made fun of her, and convinced her to give her number. She felt insulted when he made fun of her. She knows people do make fun of her behind her back but none of them really did it in front of her face.

“Is that what you're going to save me?” She rolled her eyes, and pushed back her glasses.

It read; Front Row Princess.

“I’m not wrong, am I?” She wished she took boxing lessons so she knew how to throw an actual punch. Because his smirk was annoying to the point she actually wanted to punch him.

“Well then, I'll save you as The Most Privileged White Boy of the Century.” She raised both her eyebrows, and added. “I'm late for my next class, so bye.”

Jameson just laughed at her comment. “Wait. Talk to me.”

“I just said I'm late. Are you deaf?” She looked pissed, she hates it when people act like one's words matter nothing.

“No. I did hear you. That's why I'm asking you to talk to me. Let's start from now, you go late to class. It'll be a different experience to enter a room full of students, or walking in the hallway with barely any students.” Instead of smirking he gave her a friendly smile this time.

“No, I'll start tomorrow.”

“You won't. Start today. Right now.”

“I don't want to be late to class. Everybody will stare at me, and God the whispers. I don't want my professor to be disappointed.” She blinked rapidly when she was talking.

“Your professor won't be disappointed. You still have time, just be 5 minutes late. Won't hurt a fly. And who cares what those whispers say? Don't you have a project you have to work on?”

She was quiet, Jameson had a victory smile. She can't accept that she is wrong, especially when she's with him.

“Let's chat. I'll go first. I like insane rides and speed because of the adrenaline rush. It gives me pure joy.” Jameson sat down on the floor.

“Uh…cool.” What she really wanted to say was ‘freak’ or ‘weirdo’.

“Now tell me something about you.”

“Uh…I don't like heights.” She confessed. “Ironic, I know.” She pointed at the edge of the rooftop.

“No wonder you got so scared when I came. You probably thought you were about to fall.” He chuckled at the memory of her jerking up.

“I could have fallen. Don't do that to me or anyone, it's not safe.”

“Okay, miss right.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious.”

“Alright, change of topic, what's your favourite pizza topping!?” He asked.

She sighed, this boy can never take anything seriously, why did she let him help her? Maybe it's his face, and how pervasive he was, or his charm. She wonders how she is going to keep up with him, because they are two different species.

“I don't like this.” She said on the other side of the call while sitting on her dorm bed. “I could get in serious trouble if I sneak out. New rule; you help me but without getting me into trouble.” She told him.

“You’re not sneaking out, just get a gate pass saying you have to meet a family member for dinner and you'll be late tonight.”

“I’m not good at lying.”

“Then I'll lie for you.”

“How will you do that, genius?”

“I'll tell the dormitory incharge that I'm your boyfriend, and we both are meeting your parents so my dear girlfriend might be late by just half an hour.”

“No! You're not saying that.”

“Then the first option is.”

“Fine. But will you at least tell me ‘Out of the Bubble Experience’ am I going to have?” She asked.

“Why? So you can either be mentally prepared or say ‘I’m not going to do it’? No way. Second lesson; Live in the moment.”

“I- I wasn't going to do either of those.” She frowned at how he was quick to read her mind from kilometres away.

“Sure. I'll meet you outside where I told you at 8:30PM. Don't be late, princess.”

“Now what?” She asked. She was wearing a normal red shirt, and a cardigan over it paired with flared jeans.

“We're going on a mini drive, mini that will only take an hour.”

“An hour?!”

“Just an hour.”

Most of the car ride was “where are we going?”, “are we there yet?”, “just tell me where!” and some music, Jameson asked her if she wanted to play any music of her choice but she knows that he'll judge her music taste so she listens to his stupid fuckboy music.

After an hour exactly he stopped a little away from their destination, he got out of the car to open the door for her but she was already out, and neither of them commented on it. Jameson thought she wasn't aware that he came to her side to open the door, and just let it be.

“What now?” She asked him, raising her shoulders.

“This is the part where you say “Is this the part where you kill me?”” She can see his cheeky smile through the moonlight, and just glared at him. “Alright, so we're walking half a kilometre, is that okay?”

“Yeah, but why?”

“What's the point of coming out on a night like this if not to take a walk?” He said as he started walking in reverse.

They were at the top of a hill, it was high, and the side Jameson was walking in reverse had an edge. He took slow steps towards the edge, there was a foot tall cement railing that was there at the edge, which he could easily trip over. It was about a foot thick as well.

“Stop.” She demanded but he kept going.

“I won't fall, princess. Relax, there's a railing.”

“You could trip over it.”

“Nah, my plan was to walk on it but seeing the fear in your eyes I think only I'll be doing it.”

“You what?!” She rushed over to him to make him stop walking backwards. Her hands reached for him to stop, as soon as they made physical contact, Jameson paused for a moment, and only a moment because he knew if he stopped she'd stop touching him. Like he predicted she tried to stop him by tugging his arms. Although there was a barrier of fabrics between them, Jameson still felt the electric touch that they write about. He finally stopped once he reached the railing, he turned away, and then sat on it then put his legs to the other side where they were dangling down.

“Jameson!” She let go of his hand once he stopped but boy did she not expect him to do that.

“Join me, we are about 90 feet high.”

“90? No way I'm sitting there! God, can you just get off of it please?” When Jameson looked at her she was genuinely worried.

“Are you worried that I'm going to fall?”

“Yes!”

“I won't. Now join me. You're missing out, seriously. If you want I'll hold your hands.” He was teasing her about holding her hand but a part of him actually wanted to hold her hand. “Come on. YOLO, right?”

She rolled her eyes but took a step forward, and hesitated to say something. “Will you actually hold my hand?”

He paused. “To keep you safe.”

She nodded, and sat. He put his hands behind her back to make her feel safe. She didn't put her legs to the other side, she was sitting close to him, he turned to her to see that she was looking down on her thighs but with her eyes closed. When he spoke the hair at the back of her neck rose as his breath fanned over her neck.

“If you're scared to face your fear, you'll never outgrow it. I won't let you fall.” He promised. “Just put your legs over, or not. But at least turn and look at the view. You are seriously missing out. And I really want you to see this.” It was true, Jameson was so excited to show her this small view from this high. He is actually a bit sad that she's not experiencing it like he wanted her to.

She sighed with a nod, and turned back to look, her eyes sparked.

“Woah.”

Jameson smiled at her reaction although it was just whisper he heard it crystal clear, maybe it's the distance but a part of him told him that he would hear her from kilometres away as well. He didn't want to call it infatuation, because he knew that they are binary opposites.

And would never work.

So he called it an experiment, a challenge, anything but infatuation. He was determined to make it stay that way, even if felt a little tug on his heart the way her eyes twinkled, and when she smiled looking at the view.

It doesn't matter, they'll never work.

part 3 →

[madlittlecriminal]

can we have some jonathan crane head cannons / fluff with him and his gf having a big age gap?? (she’s like 19/20 just starting college and i’m assuming he’s like 30 something lol) anyway, ily thank u ❤️‼️💕

Age Gap ↦ Jonathan Crane × Female!Reader [headcanons]

i love you too, anon! :) i hope you enjoy!

Warnings: age gap (reader is 20, Jonathan is 30), reader majors in psychology, slight angst

You two met after he came to give a speech on psychology to your major.

He was intrigued by your questions, and you had developed a crush based off looks and his knowledge on psychology.

While it was your first semester, you knew he was smarter than your professor, who looked like took the job as a last resort.

Jonathan gave you his email in case you had more questions as he had to leave.

He wasn't going to lie though; you left a mark on him.

You were so invested in fear and his opinions even though you could ask your professor these questions.

Then again, it's been 10 years that he was in college, so professors probably changed since then.

You waited about a week until you emailed him.

You left this man anticipating your email and when he finally got it, he actually smiled.

"I have a question about your talk."

"What was the question?"

Did you go overboard with the questions?

Well, you sent him more than one which had him chuckling.

From there, you went to him for questions until it led to more.

He ended up giving you his number and you two began texting often.

He knew of the 10-year age gap between the both of you.

He was cautious at first, but he couldn't lie about the way his heart raced whenever your message came through.

You also couldn't deny how you always giggled like a kid on Christmas when he messaged you.

After about 3 months of chatting, you two made it official.

He'd take you out on little dates when you two had free time

He'd help you study for an exam for your psychology class and would reward you with a kiss on the forehead if you'd get the answer right.

If you'd tell him your grade, he'd hug you, kiss your cheek and say, "I'm proud of you, darling."

He'd then buy your favorite snack and give you cuddles.

If you had a low grade, he'd say, "I know you tried your best, darling. Don't worry. You'll get the next one."

And he'd still buy you your favorite snack and he'd still give you cuddles.

The same outcome for both because he can, and he will.

He never drew the line with you, and he was extremely patient.

If there was something you didn't like or didn't want to do, he'd understand and wait for you.

Then you found his mask.

Was it a test?

Possibly.

He's convinced whatever force was out there didn't want to see him happy.

He didn't know what it was, but you didn't look happy.

Which made him unhappy as well.

"I need time."

He froze as you rested the mask on the table before stepping out of his apartment and back to your apartment.

He gave you time, but he wouldn't as he did worry.

After all, he felt like it was his fault if this relationship ended.

But you called him a week later and told him you were ready to talk.

You two met up at a cafe, but he still listened to you.

You told him you were upset that he didn't trust you with this.

He said he couldn't risk anything happening to you.

You were still a bit cautious, but you gave him another chance.

It took time for you to get used to his Scarecrow counterpart, but eventually you did.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (10)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 6.5k

warning: u r gonna have 2 read to find out (nothing traumatizing tho i promise!)

"so, you were playing tags with the kids and fell?"

"yes."

you vividly recall the lies you told your friends--how you got the cut on your knees being one of them amongst others--but they were just happy you made it back safely and didn't get any more hurt than that.

after returning to seoul, your days are back to being nothing short of mundane tasks, hanging with your friends and enduring yunho's constant whines because minji had to go back, and then the mostly lazing around in your room and doing anything to pass time.

but with your eyes stuck to the ceiling and your head hitting the back of your pillow for the majority, your mind can't help but to wander.

wander back to the trip and how sweet and caring san was. his lips that spoke genuine words toward you, and his eyes that showed something much deeper in them. something much more than just physical touches and empty sex; something that could've fooled anyone into thinking he's in love with you.

but by now, you've learned to not keep your head too high because choi san will only give you false hopes, never failing to remind you of what exactly the relationship between you and him really is--if his silence ever since the trip speaks of anything.

no texts, no calls; no renditions of such thing that will give away you were just in his arms a week ago. but you've come to terms with it that it is fine; unsure if the small ache is disappointment (if that's even possible anymore) or just being sad overall.

but again, you've accepted the situation to some degree.

you focus on integrating yourself back into the school mindset where academic achievements were the center of your universe (for the most part), since the semester is around the corner again.

and because the semester is around the corner, mingi and yunho wanted to check out a place; a noodle restaurant recommended by a friend of mingi, eager to go because of all the positive reviews.

"so how do we do this? paper rock scissors and whoever loses have to pay?" mingi quirks, one eyebrows raised and flipping through the menu.

"nah. y/n makes the most money, this is her treat to us," yunho says, to which you react with a scowl.

"says who? i don't even have work during summer."

"what happened to that program you were talking about?" mingi throws in your face, and it's only until then that you remember the 'summer program' you supposedly came back from.

"that was less than a week and we don't get paid much compared to the regular hours," you save yourself, somewhat even proud for having thought of a lie so fast on the spot.

mingi rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"greedy. you are so fucking greedy."

you shrug, unable to help it all.

"well, i'm sorry. i've never had this much money before."

"don't make this dark now."

it's your turn to roll your eyes.

"fine, i'll pay. but nothing over ten dollars."

"stingy too, how unfortunate," mingi mutters, provoking a kick to his ankle from you under the table, lasering a glare in return.

in spite of all the teasing and snarky remarks, because you have a soft spot for him and is silently thankful for all mr. song had done for you, you give in and let him order three bowls of naengmyeon, two of which he's probably not even going to finish.

yunho on the other hand is nice enough to spare your wallet a little, settling on only one that's enough for the evening.

summer feels like it's passing by in a blink of an eye. like it was just yesterday that you, mingi, and yunho were fighting over what to do and where to go. now all of a sudden, you're going to be back on campus soon enough, wallowing in the pit of assignments and exams that will eat away your mental health.

it's an awful vision, because you don't want to let go of this summer.

mingi and yunho are chatting about their library assistant jobs, and you're listening with attentive ears, chopsticks poking at your noodles when a buzz goes off in your bag.

your body reacts first, eyes shooting to your friends who's still lost in the conversation, knowing it can't be them who texted you. and unless yuna is coming home early, there's only one other person who has your number.

🟣: hey 🙂 are you free to call tonight? i want to talk to you abt something. lmk.

y/n: i'm out right now but should be back soon. i'll let you know

🟣: sounds good! talk to you then 💕

it's relieving until it's not. the highs and lows alternating like getting a hit of your favorite drug before the effect wears off and you just feel nothing. numb. all too used to it, aware it's not good for you but unable to stop.

how long will it go on before declaring that something so temporary and unsecured is unfulfilling, no matter how good the high is.

not anytime soon, unfortunately.

you text him with excitement upon the return, the dinner over a lot earlier than you had expected; yunho having talked about some paperworks he still has to finish, and mingi for finishing all three bowls and groaning about the food coma he's going through.

y/n: just got back. call me whenever

you sit with a fluttering kind of excitement, thinking about what could possibly be this important to prompt a call from san this late, but also honestly just ecstatic to hear from him again.

it takes a few minutes before the ring of your phone starts, having answered so fast, there's no way he doesn't know you were sitting in nothingness just waiting for his call.

"hey," he greets from the other side.

"hey," you respond just short of a shy whisper.

"i hope i'm not prolonging sleep for you."

"no, you're good. i'm not even that tired."

you wonder if san really cares whether you're getting sleep or not or if it's just proper courtesy to act like he does when he took a girl out on a week-long trip, only to disregard her completely after like the moments and hours spent with each other means nothing.

"no worries, i'll make this fast," he says, clearing his throat. "wooyoung's throwing another party before school starts, and i called to ask if you want to come with? it's going to be a couple days from now, so you'll have plenty of time to be prepared."

it's quiet as you take the time to think, knowingly aware of the fact that taking up the offer to be seen publicly with san at wooyoung's party has a lot of things at stake.

"no pressure, just thought i'd ask," he adds when the silence only stretches on.

"i'll be there," you say so suddenly, like all the thoughts and logics from before flying out your head just for the one chance to see the boy who made you question so many things within the past few days.

"okay, cool. i'll text you the detail when the time comes."

you don't get anything from san until the day before the actual party.

a simple text from him about picking you up and when it's going to start so you will have the time to compose yourself for the loud and obnoxious setting of what one usually consists of.

you have made sure to double check when you were exiting the dorm building that nobody you know happened to coincidentally see you get into his car--a fight with your friends with only a few weeks left of summer not on your wishlist.

you guys arrive a little past 8 p.m., san proceeding to drag you through the house almost the same way mingi did; brushing past the hoard of drunk people, whatever they're smoking, and the flashy lights that comes in all colors.

you catch a sighting of that old couch that was the best company at both the event you attended prior, pushed against the wall and a lot discolored this time around.

with the amount of parties wooyoung probably throws, you're honestly impressed it's still even intact.

but you're quick to pry away, moving back around only to hit right into san's back at the sudden stop. he turns to you and giggles at the wide look on your face, having noticed your curious eyes that would roam each passing scene.

"we can stay in here, it's a lot less crowded," he says, and you nod in return, doing a once-over of the room and recognizing the kitchen where you first talked to him. a place so bittersweet.

"i'm gonna go get us drinks first. punch or beer?"

"i'll take some punch."

"alright. i'll be back."

you watch him disappear behind the crowd of people and begin looking for a spot to settle in.

there's two guys over at the corner with red solo cups, chatting away and seemingly paying no attention to anyone else. then another pair of girls by the counters also engaged in a conversation.

while it's not your definition of peace and quiet, you'll take it over the rave going on just a couple feet outside.

you prop against the counter closest to the sink and wait until you can see san's figure making its way back in, one cup in each hand and walking to where you are.

"thank you," you utter as he hands you yours, placing his on the empty space and settling in front of you, observing as you take a slight sip.

"they changed the flavor," you comment, licking some remains off your lips.

"yeah, every once in a while," he replies, taking a swig of his cup before putting it down again.

you nod, biting down your bottom lip and thinking of what to say next; another question at the tip of your tongue again.

"do you uh... come to these parties often?"

he was here all of the two times you came and talked about them on more than one occasion. you suppose, it's only a given someone like him would come to a place full of entertainment; each passing person walking with confidence and unfazed by anything.

after all, he is the life of the party.

"once or twice a week. sometimes three."

the numbers leaving him like they're small quantities. but two or three definitely sounds like a lot, especially if you're talking about a party of this size. you wonder just how much resources wooyoung is wasting.

"i see..." you simply mumble, quiet under your breath.

"how's your knee?" he asks, prompting you to take a quick glance at it, the once before red color turning into a lighter pink, and the pain feeling like a much dull one.

"it's healing."

he nods, attention moving to down another sip.

"did your friends ask?"

"they did, but they bought the story i told them."

he chuckles and shakes his head, a smirk creeping up.

"you know, you're a lot more cunning than you let on."

"i must be around you too much," you tease with the subtle jab, cranking the volume of his laughter as he stares at you so charmingly. and charming he is indeed, you have officially lost count of the amount of partygoers that would flock to the kitchen to greet him; talk to him, like he's the brightest flame in the room. a complete people magnet.

you can only deliver small, awkward head exchanges with them while san oozes all the confidence and charisma in the world. you will always be amazed at how someone like san and mingi can just talk to anyone.

the small smile on your face can't be helped, watching him in his natural element, making something inside of you churn with admiration but a painful realization all at once.

his eyes peers across the room, bidding goodbyes to the ones leaving and then hello's to the next person to come in, all while your gaze only hold his as if he has all the answers to your problems--like he's the embodiment of hope.

you're also drawn to him; his brightly lit flame, no different to any others in the room.

"this is y/n." san's voice snaps you out, blinking your lashes to a boy whose hair is bleached in blonde and staring at you with equally amusing eyes, a smirk curled at the corner of his lips.

"she's cute," he comments courtly, parting with a smile and going off to join the two from before at the corner, their introductions audibly out of your range.

"that's chris," san starts again, your attention moving back to him. "he's studying abroad, but just thought i'd let you know of his existence because you're going to see him quite a bit if you're going to start attending more of these."

you only hum in acknowledgement and nod, not stressing too much about having to remember chris or anything, unsure how many more of these parties you'll be showing up to.

little do you know, this party will be the start of all rendezvous between you and san, all of them similar in a way but each with their own variations.

yuna returns two days before classes officially starts.

attempting to roll in her pink suitcase, sunhat, and jumpsuit, she announces her arrival to your figure still stuck on your bed with feet kicking into the air as you randomly jot down your new schedule onto your notebook.

"hey, you're back," you cry out, jumping right out of bed to help her squeeze through the doorway.

"yes i am."

"how was the trip?"

she sighs, throwing her hat off to the end of her bed where it lands perfectly.

"good for the most part. i would've gotten back earlier but the flight from japan to korea got delayed due to some weather issues. then my father lost his ticket and had to repurchase. but overall decent."

you laugh, reaching behind to shut the door.

"good to hear."

yuna almost forgot what she was going to do until she catches the notebook sitting openly on your sheet.

"oh, right!" you watch with an intrigued gaze as she digs through the bag on her shoulder.

"i got you something."

you can't even be surprised by the act. it's just so yuna of her for you to joke about something and her to actually do it.

"you didn't have to. i was just kidding around."

she shakes her head and pulls the item out: a new and shiny notebook covered in yellow with cartoon characters on the front, a lot thicker in appearance and holding much more pages.

"no worries. i wanted to. saw it while in japan and automatically thought of you."

the way your heart pulls together at the act of kindness brings about the biggest smile on your face, you could almost leap in and give her a hug.

"thank you," you say, so soft and tender, the idiot smile still haven't left.

"of course! i wanted to get you something computer-related but i don't know much about those, so i apologize. i saw you writing in your notebook a lot so i figured maybe you like writing."

you chuckle in response, thinking to yourself that for someone who's rarely ever around, she's awfully observant, even picking it out in your favorite color.

"well, i'm glad you didn't because i am traumatized by it. i changed my major a while ago."

"oh?" she perks with some form of fascination. "to writing?"

"yes. creative writing."

"you know, i have an uncle who runs a firm and he's always looking for technical writers for their products, as well as for their website and whatnot. i mean, i don't know if that's exactly creative writing, but if that's something that piques your interest, let me know."

"isn't that like... nepotism?" you're joking for the most part but also with a genuine curioisity about being able to secure a job because of your rich friend. but then again, your current job was only because of san as well.

"i have no idea, but if you're decent, my uncle has no reason to not hire you. food for thought. if you want to wait until graduation, that's fine too. just let me know."

the one day left of summer is spent fulfilling a promise you made to mingi and yunho about catching a movie at the theater. a new, better, theater with adjustable seatings and the outside not littered with graffitis.

it's a little bit more costly, but you all agreed it was worth it.

the walk back to the dorms is pure torture for you, both of the boys unable to stop the teasing about your sudden passion for writing.

for as long as they've known you, that's definitely one they've never heard before, bringing up all the times you'd stick to reading picture books (because to be a good writer is to read a lot according to them) and struggled writing a 500 words essay.

"you guys literally can't expect me to be the same person a year or so ago. my interests can change, and my brain is still developing. mingi, you're a psychology major, you should know that!" you shriek in defense.

"well, yes, but, there's just some changes about you lately. tell us, when did this interest start?"

you roll your eyes, a deep groan leaving.

"do you guys have to know every detail?"

"obviously yes, so we can talk you out of it, miss wannabe nobel prize winner in literature."

"mingi, literally shut the fuck up. you gave one advice and suddenly you're a psycologist."

"hey, it's all working out so far, isn't it?"

yunho laughs at the banter, waiting until he's in the clear to say something.

"we're kidding. well, i'm kidding. anything you write, i'll be happy to read. even if it's just prince charming coming on a horse to save you."

mingi snickers.

"don't give her ideas now."

"i literally hate the both of you."

intro to creative writing. whether it's to prove both of your friends wrong, or to console yourself that you're worthy of yuna's offer, you want to take it seriously; dive into it that's more than just the short entries in your notebook or the vivid imagination in your head.

thankfully, within just an hour into the class, you can say the environment is a lot more friendly and welcoming. a good divide of both males and females and everyone definitely looks a lot more approachable.

the first week of classes is nothing special. instructors usually just taking the time to go over the course schedule and what's to be expected.

the second week is when you start kind of getting into the gist of it. the class tasked with a short literary piece and dissecting the meaning behind it.

it's not anything exciting, but is an overall improvement to your experience so far.

the third week is when you get another text from san. when you're mostly busy and occupied, it's easy to not think of him. but when he reminds you of his existence again, it's hard to think of anything but him--which is the problem.

he tells you of the party that usually happens at the beginning of the semester, and you're starting to think they have one for just any occasion. or maybe wooyoung just needs a reason to keep throwing these parties.

you're hesitant at first, unsure about spending your night at a place full of alcohol, weed, and people who probably doesn't remember their name since that's the last thing that should be on your mind if you want to take your courses more seriously.

but all it takes is another plead from san for you to fold pathetically, arriving at the party with him hand in hand.

it plays out all the same, with him pulling you through the open spaces and greeting the few he knows along the way, big dimples and a handsome smile before excusing himself to go off with you to the kitchen.

it is all the same as well, just a little more crowded this time perhaps, but that doesn't stop him from backing you into a counter as you gawk at him wide-eyed.

he's not shy to deliver a kiss to your jawline, his hands finding way around your hips and resting on them with ease.

only until you whisper something does he pull away, watching how you move your eyes to the strangers also in the room, a rosy pink shade decorating your flustered cheeks.

"t-there's people here."

he has to giggle it off, your adorable nature truly the saving grace because if you already think a kiss is going to faze these people, he thinks you might go into cardiac arrest knowing the shit they actually do at events like this.

"they don't mind, trust me," he assures, his grip tightening around your hips before lounging forward for a deep kiss.

then every party after that is similar in that it starts all the same, with san eventually leading the way to the kitchen and if you guys are lucky and there's no one, he does more than just a kiss.

if not the kitchen, you guys will hang in the hallway or bathroom upstairs, make out and lose a sense of time, and maybe have sex the couple instances you guys were lucky to have found an empty bedroom.

chris is there every time, always in a corner or lurking somewhere in the background, sometimes even watching the door for you and san.

“that’s chris,” san starts again, your attention moving back to him.

“he’s studying abroad, but just thought i’d let you know of his existence because you’re going to see him quite a bit if you’re going to start attending more of these.”

you've come to develop some sort of attachment to chris at these parties, that if san was nowhere in sight, you would turn him--the only other person you knew.

and an almost perfect attendance one after another, you realize mingi just might be right.

“well, yes, but, there’s just some changes about you lately."

perhaps there is something different about you these days; the boy you've been hanging with opening your eyes to the fun you've been missing out on, and maybe you do want to come out of your shell a little bit.

but it doesn't hit you how much of these parties you've been attending until exam week creeps in and the only way to study for them is to go cold turkey for one, maybe even two weeks until you pass all of them.

what really sets reality for you though, is when yuna throws a passing comment about how much later you've been coming home. how she even sometimes make it back before you. that's when you start to think it might be just a bit bad, needing to tone it down before your friends catches on.

still, the most impressive fact is that you haven't run into wooyoung at his own parties, yet. not that you want to test your luck.

"i won't be able to make it," you tell san on the phone, a low wail that leaves him shortly.

"aww, why not?"

"exams are coming up and i uh... i want to stay inside and study."

the stark contrast of your words even amuses you. that no matter what fun and entertainment you've been exposed to, you will always crawl back into the girl that priotizes getting good grades and is rather nerdy, even if you despise the workload with such strong hatred.

"oh, alright." he giggles quietly. "you're still coming to the school carnival, though, right?"

"yes. i'll be there."

"okay. i'll see you then, and have fun studying."

"pfft. have fun at the party, and tell chris i said hi."

the carnival is a fundraising campaign so nothing fancy or anything like that, obviously. it's a much watered down event, but you figure since your friends won't be available due to their jobs, it doesn't hurt to go with san.

it takes place in the quad of your university, string lightings everywhere; on the trees, around the booths and food stalls, and smaller ones on the cement walkway.

the smells of cotton candy, popcorns, and corndogs greet you upon arrival, turning to san for him to suggest the first thing to do.

his voice is quiet under the loud music and laughters of those around, you have to lean in just to hear him.

"want to play a game?"

"sure." you nod.

a balloon dart game in the back intrigues him--three dollars per person, the sign says. the student running the booth motioning with enthusiam as you two inch closer.

san drops the payment for both you and him into the fundraising box, handing you a set of darts consisting of three.

"you go first or i go?" he quirks an eyebrow in amusement.

"you go."

you stand by the side, watching with the utmost alerted eyes when he misses the first throw, grunting out only shortly and containing it for the next missed one, then also the final where he scores absolutely nothing.

"christ," he curses with a whisper, switching with you who can only chuckle in response.

you also miss the first one, then the second, but surprisingly managing to hit one close to the center for the last turn as it pops; the student ringing a bell and telling you to choose from the prizes.

"you know," san brings up on the walk to the lemonade stand after agreeing on it. "you're pretty good."

you smile a little at the compliment from him.

"yeah? mingi and yunho would always say my aim isn't too bad."

"i can see that."

you both come to a stop at the stand, san rummaging his pocket and speaking at once, "two lemonades, please."

you dig through yours at the same time, pulling out the changes just in time.

"let me pay this time."

san shakes his head.

"what kind of gentleman would i be if i let the lady pay on a date?"

you scoff at that.

"and what kind of lady would i be if i let you pay every single time?"

"the perfect one," he says, putting on that handsome smile that's enough to distract you momentarily while he hands over the payment.

"your drink, my lady." he offers with the same smile that you just can't resist.

you huff and puff, pouting as he lets out a giggle and put back your changes.

"let's go find somewhere to sit."

~

"what kind of gentleman would i be if i let the lady pay on a date?"

the word replays in your head. date. is this a date? it could be you're thinking too much into it, but you suppose you've never been on a proper date with san.

it is certainly very different; from the activities to the setting, to even the interactions. everything is much more mellow; soft. and you think you prefer it this way. so maybe it is a date. yeah.

even if it's not, it does make you feel so happy your heart could almost jump out of your chest just because san said it is.

"cute." the voice rings in your ear, knocking all the creative thoughts out of your head.

"huh?"

"the plushie. it's cute."

"oh... yeah." you almost stutter, swallowing the knot in your throat and attempting to straighten your posture just to make it clear you definitely weren't thinking of anything else.

he laughs, able to spot the light pink slowly making its appearance again.

"it kind of looks like you."

you retract at the sudden comparison and have to hold the plushie up just to get another good glance at it.

"i absolutely do not look like a white bunny with big flappy ears."

he laughs again at the denial.

"well, you are cute like one."

you only clear your throat and try to fight off a smile that threatens to blossom at the remark that makes something inside your stomach flutter with butterflies.

"do you want to keep it?" you finally derive the subject after enough blushing.

"oh, i couldn't do that. you earned it yourself."

you curl your lips together for a moment of silence before speaking again in such a hushed volume, the commotion could've drowned it out if san wasn't sitting just a bit too close.

"well... your birthday was a while ago, right?"

the question catches him in a daze, more taken aback than anything that you would even remember it.

"yeah."

"i'm sorry i didn't get you anything or even wished you a happy birthday, i was just..." conflicted; thinking too much if it would be appropriate. you have thought of it; remembered it, of course you did.

"--no, you're fine. it's really not a big deal," he brushes it off along with a short laughter but it just sounds indifferent.

"did you celebrate it?"

he shakes his head slowly. was he supposed to? birthdays are just... birthdays. the day has passed so long ago that you came into the world, he will never understand the excitement and joy people have for the day they grow closer to death each year.

"not really? just kind of stayed home and watched a movie. i did get a text from wooyoung at least."

"oh..."

“just something my family never did much, i guess,” you simplify, and jongho nods along with an understanding hum.

“they’re really not all that,” san chips in, both yours and jongho’s heads snapping his direction. “waste of money and time.”

"then, consider it my gift to you." you strech an arm out, hanging the plushie in the air. "it's not anything... extravagant, but it's from the heart."

you break out into a tight-lipped smile because you're aware it's a bit silly, but when he accepts it with open hands, returning a genuine one of his own, you think it might not be.

"i'll take it."

an hour flying by, small talks after another and walks around the area to check out everything, san wants to play one last game before closing off the night.

a ring toss. you don't know how good you're going to be at this one, but either way, san offers to play for you. unsure of what he means by that, you stay back and watch, not really bothered that you're not playing since san is a sight two times more enjoyable.

before he finally manages to land on a bottle, he must've went through at least twenty rings. but he's so proud when he did, fist in the air and all, it's contagious enough for you to clap.

given the game is much harder than the last one you guys played, the prizes are much bulky; in size and value.

"for you," he says, all of a sudden shoving the giant teddy bear in your face, whose head is probably bigger than yours.

"me?" you repeat.

"yes. i said i'll play for you didn't i?"

he's quick to snatch the bunny that you were holding for him, practically rubbing the nose of the bear into your cheek, you have no other choice but to hug the stuffed animal like a baby.

"san, when you give someone something for their birthday, you don't get something back."

he chuckles.

"i know, but i want to. a gift from the heart."

and despite rolling your eyes at the mimicked phrase, sighing under your breath and bringing up again and again that he can keep the bear, you go to bed so happy.

laying on it awake, the event that took place earlier today playing repeatedly in your head and it makes you feel like a giddy schoolgirl all over again.

thinking about the words he used, the display of affections; all the parties he invited you to, and just how often he's been reaching out.

you know that you shouldn't. shouldn't fill your fragile heart up with hope and get optimistic about a boy who ignored you a month ago, but you can't help it.

can't help but fall for the bare minimums on a handsome smile and coy look; the sudden act of kindness that convinces you maybe love isn't dead, yet.

that something has changed in san and something has changed between you and him.

"will you be able to make it?"

every time your phone rings, your stomach sinks itself in, sometimes lounging across the room or tripping yourself on the way just to pick up his call and tell him yes, you can see him tonight.

sadly, just not this night.

neglecting school works has really caught up and now you're left with a stack of assignments that's due tomorrow or the day after that. it doesn't get any better that your writing class has now really transitioned into the 'creative' aspect and you're to come up with a draft of your own work before the end of the week.

"can't. i have too many assignments, sorry."

"ah... okay."

"but uhm, if i finish early i'll let you know?"

"yeah, sure. text me or something. good luck!"

it's still hard to shake off the disappointment, almost like a fear of missing out since you've went to so many of them, you know you could be enjoying yourself with a pretty boy instead of wallowing in misery.

but one, two, probably close to three hours goes by and you've somehow managed to tackle most of them. the ones due tomorrow at least.

you realize you're most likely not dumb, just lazy. and lazy you are, mind jumping straight into already rewarding yourself, what better way than to go to a party and let loose? you'll worry about your next set of assignments tomorrrow.

you text san like you said you would, waiting five minutes, then ten, then fifteen and there's still no reply.

maybe the music's too loud, maybe he ran into a drunk as hell wooyoung and is helping him, or maybe he's busy chatting with chris or whatever other ten plus people he knows there.

you figure you'll just show up. that's not too desperate, right? he's the one who's been inviting you after all, so why would he not want you there?

you make your way through the crowd willingly, this time with no one to guide you. all alone and pushing past the sweats and awful smell because he might be in the kitchen. he has to be.

maneuvering until you arrive at the entrance of the kitchen, always having been the brightest flame in the room, he's hard to miss because your eyes are drawn to him immediately.

as soon as you recognize that familiar head of black hair, time must've stopped and it must've taken your breath with it.

you've experienced a lot of pain in your life if that isn't evident by now. from your parents abandoning you to your mom telling you straight in the face that she never wanted you. then your aunt and uncle who isn't of much difference, to your first boyfriend who cheated.

your life is a mess.

and you understand in actuality, some of it could be considered much worse, but right now--in this moment, it feels like the pain in front of you is the worst one ever, it dulls everything else in comparison.

this pain knocks your breath away and you could almost faint from how sharp the hit is to your fragile heart.

to see san's hands resting on hips that isn't yours, face snuggled and flushed against another skin the same he would do to you. and if you think it can't get any worse, the short couple of seconds that you actually look away, you catch chris in that same old corner with a drink in his hand.

you briefly lock eye contact with him and he could only pretend to sip his cup while looking away to join the other boys again in a conversation.

that's when you realize; when it all sinks on you, that chris isn't a friend. he's the guy that sticks by san's side when he pulls shit like this, making sure no one walks into the room he's fucking a girl in, and informs him of any relevant information because why would you ever think choi san could have a change of heart just because he spewed a few sweet words and made you feel like the most special girl for two hours.

“this is y/n.” san’s voice snaps you out, blinking your lashes to a boy whose hair is bleached in blonde and staring at you with equally amusing eyes, a smirk curled at the corner of his lips.

“she’s cute,” he comments courtly, parting with a smile and going off to join the two from before at the corner, their introductions audibly out of your range.

to have thought it was a genuine compliment when he probably only looked at you as one of them. and thinking of all the times you couldn't make it and all the parties san attended without you.

the more you connect the dots, the more depressing it gets, and wow... stupid, you are so fucking stupid.

you knew, of course you did; had a feeling and all, not completely oblivious that you weren't the only one. you just didn't think it would hurt so much to actually see it for yourself; really see how easily replaceable you are.

still, you can't stop staring, and you must've stared for too long because she finally notices, eyes fleeting to you and pushing san off slightly before tilting her head and looking at you like she's bored.

as if waiting for you to find something else to entertain yourself with, because who the fuck are you to be an audience to her and the boy before her.

and san must've noticed; confused about the lack of body response and where her gaze is, that he turns his head back to see for himself. but you can't even properly digest the horror in his facial, the only thing you see is that deep, dark, and ugly mark on his neck along with a few lipstick stains in the shade of red close to his jawline and to his lips.

you can't stay here any longer and embarrass yourself like this, feeling a lone tear well at one of your eyes before moving back to the crowd.

"excuse me," you mutter, trying to push your way out of there, the last thing you hear from the kitchen is the marching of heavy footsteps and san's voice as he tries to catch up.

"wait, y/n!"

next // series m.list

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[bobby-r2d2-floyd]

the nanny part 3 | hangman x reader (saturn)

note: finally a longer one? ish? it took a minute to write because i had a headache every day for the last week and then i had a take home organic chemistry exam that i needed to get done (gotta maintain that 4.0, school is important kids!)

warnings: swearing, very light angst, jake is pinning, saturn is in a relationship. lowkey jake is a simp.

i don't think that this is a warning but i've not explicitly said this either, but any female character i write is bisexual. of that isn't your cup of tea, i'm sorry.

word count: 2.6k

not beta'd we die like men.

inspired by: @roosterforme

previous | next

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Jake was a mess. 

For no reason, honestly. He had typed out, deleted, retyped, deleted again, and then said said fuck it and opened up his notes app to try and type a message out to you about this weekend. All this weekend is, really, is a friendly chat between a dad looking for someone to help him out with his infant daughter that he didn’t know existed a month ago, and Penny Benjamin’s solid 10 niece that gave him a half mast when she was holding his daughter, for no reason. 

And when you called him Dad-man? His heart stopped. He thought about it all night. 

By the time Friday night had rolled around he still hadn’t texted you in regards to going out tomorrow, so when he got a text message from you, he was a little confused, he hadn’t given you his number… had he?

Hey dad-man! Rooster gave me your number since I hadn’t heard from you all week. Are we still on for tomorrow? I know that Avery is a little young but the San Diego Zoo is doing a little arts and crafts thing with the animals tomorrow we could check out? My treat? you had sent along with a link to the event and he smiles as he types out his message to you.

Hey! You know I honestly had like, 30 different messages typed out to send you but they were all ass ideas compared to yours. I’m sure Avery would love it even if she doesn’t understand what’s going on, lol maybe we could grab coffee or something from a cafe afterwards?

It’s a date, dad-man ;) you send back after a few minutes, which is quickly followed by: pick me up at 9? 

It’s a date, darlin he sends and then groans into his hands “darlin? Seriously? She’s going to nanny your fucking get, get a grip Seresin.” he sets an alarm for 7 am, not like he needs it though. Avery is awake and hungry by 6:45 then out for a nap by 8:30. 

He’s asleep just after 2 and at 6:45 on the dot he can hear Avery stirring through the baby monitor on his nightstand. He’s quick to stand up before her wails get any louder, changes her from any accident she could have had in her sleep and then heads downstairs to make her a bottle. While he’s feeding her, he has coffee brewing for himself so he isn’t a complete zombie when he sees you in a few hours. He gets Avery dressed and her diaper bag packed before he’s setting her in her bouncer in the bathroom so he can take a quick shower without leaving her unsupervised -- she has the time of her life listening to him sing. 

It’s 8:45 by the time he’s finally leaving. Avery forgoing her morning nap and choosing to fight him instead when he was trying to get her dressed, and then puking on his one clean shirt that he had that wasn’t his service khakis or a graphic t-shirt set him behind his schedule. He quickly found a shirt that he turned into a tank top, groaning at how he looked like a gym douchebag 

You were waiting on the steps of Penny’s house for him nearly 15 minutes past 9 for him, and boy were you a sight to see. He definitely regretted his choice of a dingey old Navy shirt but that was his own fault for putting off his laundry and choosing to favor doing Avery’s instead. You were wearing jean shorts you obviously cut yourself, sinfully short but also modest at the same time. The shorts were paired with a pair of tennis shoes and a plain white tank top and a… fanny pack?

You hopped into his truck with a “you’re late” but he just laughs and points to the fanny pack.

“The 90s called, they want their stuff back.” 

“Hey, don’t shit on the 90s. Plus fanny packs are back in. It’s so much more convenient than carrying a purse or other bag around, they’re less likely to be stolen, and both my hands are free.” you say and do a little jazz fingers motion and he just smiles and shakes his head. You put your seatbelt on and he’s pulling out away from the curb.

“Besides, you can’t shit on what I’m wearing, when you’re wearing that.” 

“Hey, be nice to me. Av puked on the shirt I was going to wear and I hadn’t had the chance to wash my clothes yet.” 

“Well, let’s skip the zoo. Avery won’t know the difference, we’ll go back to your place and I can help you clean up.” you suggest and he shakes his head.

“My laundry is not your responsibility. We’re going to the zoo.” he says in his dad voice and you just laugh.

“Whatever you say, dad-man.” you kick your feet up against his dash and if you were anyone else, he’d be telling you to get them off the dash.

The drive to the zoo goes by quickly and despite you calling dibs on paying the entrance fee, Jake is slapping his card down faster than you can even open your fanny pack. You shoot him a glare and he gives you a smirk that sends most girls falling to their knees. Keyword, most.

Jake pushes Avery’s stroller through the zoo while you walk beside him, making light conversation and getting to know each other as you make your way to where the kids' activities are located. 

You learn that he comes from an abusive home. His dad was an alcoholic who passed from liver failure not that long ago, flooding the family with relief. He has three sisters, plenty of nieces and nephews. You learned grew up on a ranch which explains how his legs bow out the smallest amount, his favorite color is green (of course), his favorite tv show, food, even the book he read recently. You told him about your life too, growing up in eastern Tennessee, your parents' accident, living with Penny and helping her raise Amelia to the teen she is today, your time in Vermont, why you picked education to go into. Jake easily saw you as someone that he wanted to spend more time with, it was a no brainer that you would be the one watching his daughter when he needed it. Hell, he could even see Avery calling you mom one day, in the distant future of course. 

You three had finally made it to the area of the zoo where the activities were being held and you take Avery out of her stroller and sit with her in your lap while Jake sits next to you. The warmth of your skin against his making him hotter than the San Diego sun. 

For the next hour you two sit, comfortable with each other while Avery mashes paint around the ziplock bag she was working on. Thankfully for the sun it dried quickly and you drew out a few animals on the rainbow colors covering the page. 

At only 4 months old, Jake is in such awe at how you talk to and how you treat Avery and even at how Avery responds to you. The babble that you do back to Avery, how sweet you talk to her, how she reaches for you, all of it. Just melts Jake. 

The time to walk back to the truck wasn’t long enough, in his opinion, and he was already planning a trip back when she was a little older and would appreciate it a little bit more. 

You put Avery in her carseat while Jake breaks down her stroller and puts it into the bed of his truck before shutting the lift gate. “Still up for coffee?” he asks just as you’re shutting the back door.

“If you are.” you say and give him a smile, he opens your door for you and offers you a hand and you just laugh and take it before hopping up into the cab and once you’re settled he shuts the door and walks around to his own side.

The drive to the local coffee shop he had in mind was surprisingly quick to get to, granted he did speed a little through some yellow lights to get there.

You don’t bother getting Avery’s stroller out, choosing instead to just undo her car seat and carry her in that way since she was sleeping peacefully already. You tell Jake your order and he stands in line while you go and pick out a table, a little table in the corner and you set Avery’s carrier the table after making sure that it was sturdy enough that you didn’t need to worry about bumping the table and having her shift too much. 

Jake comes and takes a seat since it’ll take a minute for the food to be prepared. “They didn’t have hazelnut, is caramel okay?” he asks since you had asked for a hazelnut latte.

“Caramel is perfect, actually. It’s my favorite flavor.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” he says with a smile and leans forward on the table and you give him a kind smile back.

“So dad-man. Think I’m fit enough to watch Avery for you?” you ask and he chuckles.

“I think you’re qualified to do more than that, but yeah. She loves you, I love you-oh I uh-” his ears redden and you laugh.

“No I get it, don’t worry.” you say as his name is being called for the food and drinks. You watch him walk away, shamelessly checking him out as he goes, you bite your lip softly but look away quickly when he turns around to walk back. 

“One chicken salad on a croissant with blueberry applesauce and an iced caramel latte with oat milk for Saturn,” he says, setting your tray down and you laugh and he sets his down before pulling his chair out. “And one of the exact same thing for me.”  

“Real original dad-man.” you say as you take a sip of the latte and you moan, “this is so good.” 

His breath hitches when he hears the sound and he shakes it off with a laugh, “yeah, the coffee here is the best I’ve had in the area. It’s nice that it isn’t too far from base or from home either.”

“Might just have to go a little out of my way in the morning to come here.” you say and he laughs.

“So, how did you get the nickname Saturn?” he asks as he takes a bite of his sandwich and a sad smile forms on your face.

“I got it from my dad. I don’t know why I took such a liking to the planet, but I grew up loving space. I wanted to be an astronaut, actually. He took me to our local planetarium and it was the first planet that I actually saw in the telescope and there was just something about the rings that really drew five year old me in. I wanted saturn everything. I even went as the planet for Halloween one year.” you say and he laughs.

“What were you just a yellow ball with circles around you?” he asks and you nod.

“Yeah pretty much, let me see if I have a picture.” you pull out your phone and he glances at your lock screen and sees it’s you and another girl kissing with fireworks in the background. He quickly looks away as you get into your phone, feeling an unnecessary stab to his heart. “Here it is!” you say and show him little you with a little bucket of candy, the biggest grin on your face and he laughs and takes your phone so he can look at it closer.

“You were adorable, what happened?” he teases and you make an offended noise and snatch your phone back.

“I’m still adorable! I’m just… grown now.” you say and he laughs.

You both sit there for a while longer, Jake running out to get stuff for a bottle before coming back in to see you already holding her and waiting for him to return. “You want me to feed her?” he asks and you shake your head.

“Nope. I got her.” you saw and take the bottle, she latches quickly to it and starts drinking away. “When you have me around you are doing nothing. Just relax, daddy. Let someone else take care of her.”

He feels relief at that statement, but also useless since all he’s done for the past almost month is take care of this little human that he helped to create. But watching you take care of her, so effortlessly, was so easy for him. He didn’t expect to be able to relinquish control of this aspect of his life so easily, and yet, it was almost second nature to him.

“So, are you able to start watching her on Monday? I return to duty then and-”

“Jake, it’s fine. I do nothing all day aside from helping out Penny at the bar. I would be more than happy to come and spend all day with this little baby.” you say, looking down at Avery with a smile on your face.

“I’m not, stealing you away from anyone am I? Boyfriend.. Girlfriend?” he fishes and you laugh.

“My girlfriend lives back in Vermont. She doesn’t have any plans to come visit any time soon so as of right now, the only person you and Avery are stealing time from is myself. But there’s nothing I can’t do with her that I couldn’t do by myself.” you say and he nods.

“How long have you two been together?” 

“Just over two years. We celebrated our anniversary just before I moved out here.” you say, looking back up at him and you see the look change in his eyes and you offer him a small smile.

“What about you? Any girlfriend that’s going to come out of the frameworks?” you tease and he shakes his head. 

“Nah, not really looking to date now that I have this little one to be thinking about.” he says and you nod, the conversation ending there. 

After Avery is done with her bottle you burp her and lay her back in her car seat. It’s nearing 3pm already and you have to get to the bar soon for your shift. Jake carries Avery back to the car while you run into the bathroom, splashing cool water on your face. 

You knew things were rocky with your girlfriend back home, and the last thing you ever wanted to do was get involved with your new boss, even if he was one of the most genuine and kind men you’ve ever met.

You make your way to Jake’s truck and he’s waiting for you outside, windows already rolled down so the back door can be shut and Avery won’t bake in the Californian sun. He opens your door for you again and you smile and climb up in the truck.

It’s a short drive to the bar and you hesitate getting out, you look back at him with your lip already between your teeth and you smile. “Thank you, Jake. I had a really great time.”

He returns your smile with a nod, “so did I. And I’m sure that Avery did too.” you laugh and look back at her.

“You’ll have to text me your address before Monday.” you remind him and he nods.

“I will.”

“Alright, well. Enjoy your night, dad-man.” you say, jumping out of his truck and he watches you walk into the bar, leaning his head back against his seat and letting out a deep sigh.

Of course you’re in a relationship.

------------

taglist:

@mandylove1000 @zbeez-outlet @emma8895eb @sinners-98-world @buxkybarnez @classyunknownlover @caidi-paris @classycolorpeach @eugene-emt-roe @mayhemmanaged @missemrose @fighterpilothoe @crystal-lily-101 @pookie-cleary @max-dalton @hisredheadedgoddess28 @elijahmikaelsonbitch @thegoddessc @yourfaveaquarius92 @blueoorchid @archaeologydigit @dempy @missathlete31 @hangmandruigandmav @alana4610 @h-ngm-ns @naya-neneya @desert-fern @dakotakazansky @horseshoegirl @roosterbruiser @startrekfangirl2233 @lovinglyeternal @sarahsmi13s @the-ms-mischief @that-one-random-writer @cassiemitchell @roostette @footprintsinthesxnd @roosters-girl @musesownmymind

[candy8448]

GCSE ADVISE FOR CLASS OF 2025/current year 10s

This is a copy and paste from a group chat i have with some yr 10 friends so if there are teacher names from my school, ignore them

Website, resources and youtube channel names will be highlighted in orange

More subject specific advise on my GCSE rambles masterlist

------

1. you should seriously start revising from now

At the start of the year i didnt care about revision so i didnt do anything till our first mocks rolled around and then tried to cram an entire year and few months of content for every subject in 2 weeks and i didnt get it in time. And during the easter holidays i spent so much time revising to catch up before gcses that i fell into a depressive episode so start revising slowly from now and over the summer holiday to save your emotions later

2. Rest is gonna be more important than revision at times

Especially towards the lead up to your real gcses if you need a break, savrifice revision for having a break or sleep it will do you better, but make sure you have/will do enough revision in time

3. Your first mocks will be this year's gcse papers but don't cheat and look up the questions, especially for english because that will do you no good because the mocks are meant to help you practice analysis on the spot in total exam conditions

4. Do practice papers, especially for science and maths this will help you the most. Do it in english as well if you are not so good at analysis or essay writing. If ur bad at essay writingf, practice writing and give it to the teachers, if youre bad at on the spot analysis, then juust bring up a bunch of practice quuestions and just play your essay. Dont write the essay, just keep planning a bunch so you develop that skill better

5. Gcses really aren't too bad. Sure they are a bit stressful when you are doing the exams that you need for a levels, but they are still not as bad as people might say. Also dont let your mocks make you worry. My mocks were a TON harder than the real thing. Dunno if that is cuuz i got better or what but dont fret about what you got in your mocks and just use it to know what to revise next

6. I dont know what order hiistory is going to be taught in, but ask mr millen or mr crozier what unit you are going to study last and during your breaks, try to study that unit yourself. We didnt have time to cover elizabeth and only covered one enquiry of content out of three so i had to spend the entire weekend teaching myself the unit from scratch so maybe try studying that unit yourself throughout the year so you dont run out of time and have to cram a ton of new content in 2 days

@Cognito is a great channel for science revision. Ive used the "entire [bio/chem/phys] paper [1/2] in 30 mins" videos so much for revision. Its efficient and labels triple and combined topics so you know which bits to ignore and such. They also have other exam boards and not just aqa

@freesciencelessons ive heard is really good but ii hardly used it, but its good for going into detail for certain topics

Also for science, make revision cards during or closely after your science lesson to save yourself time. Makig the revision cards took so much time and took away time fron actually revising from them so if you make them during school hours then you have time to revise from them.

Also getting a bunch of questions or opening a textbook and makig questions up about it to ask your friends helps both of you revise really well, especially as last minute reviisiion.

Questions like "what iis the name of the instrumental method for the flame test" (that is paper 2 so you wouldnt have pearned iit yet but questions like that)

Litcharts is the best for english revision, it has detailed notes for every single english text you would have ever done and the poems. Its also layed out in a really good way, especially best on desktop.

You dont need to pay the subscription because the things it gives for free are more than enough. I mainly used this website for the poems

@Mr salles has good videos for english. I used this channel a lot because he gives very nuanced ideas that work so well as well as advise that helps a lot with general essay writing and such.

Ive also heard tgat @everythingenglish and @mrbruff are super good. Ive used mrbruff for last minute poetry revision the day before our lit paper 2 because he has really good analysis of each poem in five minutes which i used for all the poems i was not confident in at all

Also for english, learn how the mark scheme works. If you know exactly what the examiners want, that is basically half of your marks.

One key advise i try to remember is to analyse the form and structure of the text or poems. That will get you many more marks and very quickly push you to the top bands withiut being too dificult. Just talk about the way the paragraohs are done, or ciclical structure

MME, This website is very good for maths revision. I despise maths and do worst in maths so this helped me learn entire topics in a few minutes when i couldnt in a few weeks of lessons.

What i did was go through all of my old books since yr 8 or yr 9 and just write down a list of every topic i wasnt 100% confident in. And then went through one by one and learned them again, and made revision cards on them

Also for revisioncards to save time, i litterally just tore out some bits from my maths book tgat had the information layed out well.

Also dont fret if there are one or two topics you just cannot understand. If you cannot do completing the square for the life of you, then just screw it, at most it will be 5 marks on one of the papers. Dont do this for too many subjects but if tgere are one or two you just cannot do, thhen ignore it.

Also if you are aiming for a grade 6, all you need to do is get 100% on the first 13 questions on each of the 3 papers. That will get you ceazy close to grade 6, and then complete the rest of the paper and you've probably gotten it

I HATE CGP's books, they judt never work for me cuz i hate how they are layed out buut for hostory it is tge one textbook that actually worrks from them. Ive found this text book so helpful, more than youtube videos. Mr millen gave all of our yeargroup one of these for free but i dont know if he will for your year. Ask him, but dont buy it if you find out he is just gonna give you one

I think that's about it. I dont have anything for frnech because i honestly just winged it and did no revision, but you should probably practice it for good measure

There is a perfect amount of stress where you will work the best. Too little stress and you wont do as well, too much stress and you wont work as well. First mocks i was fretting, but second mocks i went into each exam calmly and did much better, and same with the real thing.

I did slack off on the last history exam and physics exam because those were my last two exams, but i wish i did work a bit more on those instead of just give up

You will never feel more comradery with the entire country of year 11s than you will when you finally sit those real exams

Good luck next year!

[immigrant-rob]

Moving to the freezer 🍁

Hello from Canada, where the weather is just as bipolar as Katy Perry's Hot 'n Cold song. In the past 3 days I have already seen people with hats, gloves, skirts, shorts, warm winter boots and slippers. Upon arriving it was 5 degrees Celsius and raining. Weather prediction for Friday is highs op 28 degrees. A lot to get used to.

A small side note, I will continue to use the superior metric and centigrade system as the Canadians apparently can't decide on which measurement system they prefer to use. Road distances are measured in kilometers, a door height in feet and inches. All weight is measured in pounds, but driving speed in kilometers per hour. Very confusing.

Last week Monday the movers arrived and cleared the house. This was a bit worrying as we lived in a furnished house, and thus had to make sure they would not take what did not belong to us. We briefly considered telling them to clear the house out, and losing our deposit. After all, our deposit was probably a 10th of the nice furniture in the house and it would solve us a lot of hassle of buying new stuff. Luckily all went well and we believe everything that should've stayed remained. Who knows, maybe in 2 months we will unwrap some surprise gifts from the 23 cubic meters, or is it 812 cubic foot 🤔...

So once the house was raided we got to stay in a hotel we could pick from a list provided by Naomi's work. Obviously, if such an opportunity arises you select the one for the coolest experience. We ended up staying in Hotel des Indes. While Naomi still had to work, I finished up the last jobs in NL and roamed around the old center of The Hague to soak it in one last time. Arguably, the best attribute of our hotel was that it was so close to Laura's work, which allowed me to meet up with her for lunch on multiple occasions.

Then Saturday came, and it was time for departure. It was great seeing Laura, Kevin and Lars come to the airport and wave us off. After some chats and tears, it was finally time to leave. The repatriation came with business class tickets, which is a game changer for long distance travelling in my opinion. Lounge access prior to departure with lots of free food! A seat that allows you the completely recline and stretch out! Proper cutlery 😱😱😱! Never did I think an upgrade would make such a difference. But I remain with both feet on the ground. This experience probably got me my one and only KLM house. Next time back it's back to peasant class.

Upon arrival Naomi's parents picked us up and drove us around to get groceries. A big thank you to them for all their help and starter care packages. Today we have finally settled in to our 40m2 (431 sq ft) apartment where we will stay till our shipment arrives, hopefully within the next 8-10 weeks. Location is superb, right in down town. It's a 10 minute walk away from Naomi's work, and about 20 minutes to the library where I will mostly likely spend my time the coming months preparing for the PCE exam. The picture below is from one of our walks, and reminds me of the beautiful nature this country has to offer. Rockies in the distance!

[darkmoonkestrel]

daily kestrel 17:

we ended up pulling out the giant 10 ft blanket for the bed last night, we deemed it cold enough (or rather, at least not too hot) to use it, and it was so cozy that i begged off making Peyton's traditional morning iced coffee to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep. had some really weird dreams about like... sanctioned dungeon crawling type of activities? idk how to describe it but it was an interesting alternate universe type of situation

i got to work early today and was bounced around for most of the day, including starting in the cafeteria. i then went to the early 2s room, the older 2s room, my room for a little bit, the kitchen to help unpack a food order, and did breaks for the mobile infants and infants teachers before going back to my room after break. it was a busy day, but overall pretty good. idk how i always end up doing lunch breaks in the mobiles room when it's spaghetti for lunch day though, this is like the third time and those kiddos get spaghetti in places you didn't know it could be (the back of the head??)

i stopped and got myself some whoppers as a little treat on my way home, a reward in advance for going to the optional chat my professor does for my online class every week that i've missed the last few weeks. turns out i was the only one there, so i just ended up chatting with my professor about AI and book banning and class assignments and diversity and stuff for a solid 30 minutes, but i actually enjoyed it, so that was good. at least it absolves my guilt for missing the next few bc I def don't plan to go back to them until the "highly recommended" one next month. i also noticed that my professor had steam on his computer when he was screen sharing with me and i really should have been like "so what do you play" but we were having an Academic™️ conversation so i didn't wanna ruin the vibes

i got Peyton & Paige little treats as well and Peyton's were gummy worms that we ended up using for a three way "throwing them into the other person's mouth" contest, with me still in the office, Paige on the couch, and Peyton in the office doorway alcove. he finally ended up catching one, after several rounds of both me and Paige missing our throws at him and him pelting us with worms. i net positive'd four worms to keep and eat, and one is lost somewhere in the office to be discovered at a later date. it's little things like this that make me appreciate how much i love living with my partners and the daily shenanigans we get up to

i'm still in the office and i was going to finish up this reading assignment for class but i'm not feeling it anymore so I'll just try to knock it out over lunch tomorrow. it is now time for some more slime rancher 2 before bed, and then another early day (7am work this time, so at least Peyton will get his morning coffee tomorrow bc i have to be awake at 6:15 anyway)

ETA: Paige bullied me into wearing my glasses at the house since we were talking about her eye exam tomorrow, and I took a 30 minute break in playing slime rancher to watch cat videos, the true purpose of the internet. i got really far in slime rancher which at my current place in the game just means unlocking a whole bunch of areas to explore, but i am being dragged to bed for my own wellbeing

except we're all super giggly tonight so we're playing around and haven't gone to sleep yet oops

[tequlahighhh]

We met when we were in the 5th grade. the teacher sat us together thinking i would quiet down if i sat beside the quiet kid. And for a few days i was. i was sitting next to him losing my mind since i was surrounded by nerds. i had nothing to talk to them about. then one day i dont know how but one day i spoke to him. i learned that he liked science. he was freakishly good at maths and that he wanted to be a scientist when he grew up. i dont remember much from 10 years ago but i still remember that spark he had in his eyes when he spoke about science. the way he described space, physics, chemistry, everything. i think i told him about what i wanted to be, maybe i talked to him about all the books i liked. soon enough we were having fun every day.

But our month came to an end. We were moved to different seats again. We didn't talk much. I was seated near my friends and he made more friends. Later he climbed up ranks in our class and I started falling from my rank. He became the scholar. First in class. And I became the student with 'potential'. We didn't even try to talk to each other. And then 3 years later in 8th grade we were next to each other again. Awkward and quiet. We both had our own sets of friends. We didn't have anything in common. He had become shyer and I had become louder and more touchy. I don't know how but we were talking again. Albeit it was more different. We both had grown up and gotten more us. Our personalities had changed. He told me he liked gaming now. He liked reading as well and a lot of anime. He asked me about myself and I think I told him that I'm still the same that I still liked reading and listening to music. Maybe he'd laughed or maybe he'd expected it. We started to chat about other things like our day and what we liked and what not. He was opening up to me again and I liked it. He was laughing louder and smiling more. It made me happy when he smiled so I did all I could to make him smile more. One day he came to class looking gloomy, no matter what I said or did his face remained the same. He was closing off again and I hated it. I dragged him behind the bleachers of the school stadium during lunch, I forced him to tell me what's wrong and he simply burst out crying. I embraced him and we sat on the ground together. We were there for 40 minutes just holding each other while he let it all out. He told me his parents were getting divorced, he told me he hated his house and he hated how they would fight. He hated how they would make it seem like it was his fault that they were divorcing. He told me that he wasn't supposed to be born and that he ruined his parents lives. At that time I could only think about how much my poor 12 year old friend had gone through. He didn't go home that evening instead I brought him over to mine. He stayed with me for about a week and wouldn't stop thanking my family during his stay. When he went home his dad had already packed his things and moved out. after that we only became closer. We were always together. Even if we were seated away from each other we'd make sure to check on the other. We'd trade food like kids during the break.

From 9th onwards he started helping me with studying. Well mainly maths and physics. Soon I found myself looking at him more than my books. The sound of his voice making me feel dreamy. I hated it. He was my best friend and I didn't wanna lose him just because of a teenage crush. I forced it down as far as I could. But later that crush brewed and I found myself in love with him. In 10th his mom decided he would switch schools. She said there wasn't any capable competition here. We still stayed in touch though. We would meet every weekend to study together. We would talk everyday on text but it wasn't the same. When my final exams were approaching his had already finished. He'd help me study take quizzes for me prepare flashcards for me and even remind me to eat between studying. He'd made a promise to me, he'd said that if I passed 10th with more than 80% he would grant me a wish. Any wish. And so I did. I studied my ass off and got an 82% on my 10th finals. He asked for my wish and I couldn't speak. What was I supposed to wish for? He'd already done so much for me. So instead I told him that I didn't know and that since he helped me I should be the one granting him a wish. Without even thinking about it hed told me that his wish was for me to kiss him. I froze. The guy that I'd loved for 2 years was asking me to kiss him. He saw my reaction and got flustered. he hurriedly mumbled an apology and tried running away. I grabbed his hand and kissed him. It was less of a kiss more of a touching of lips but it was us. I told him that my wish was for him to be my boyfriend I asked him that was possible and he replied by another kiss and hugged me as tight as he could. 10 years later we're 25 and standing on the Altar in front of a priest. I guess people meant it when they said to marry your best friend.

[chelseydavidson]

Week # 10 Business Progress

What is working?

My first "sales transaction" went rather well.

Last week, on May 2, I had my first session with a student whom, for the sake of anonymity, I will call Johnny Appleseed. Little Johnny has an upcoming exam for grade 10 French and, while his class is working on an ISU currently, his mother is concerned that he's forgetting all of the tenses he has learned earlier this year. It turns out that Johnny does see the value in being bilingual (members of his extended family are bilingual, for one, but he also sees it as a marketable skill from a career perspective, which is a mature way of thinking for a boy of 15). His issue is more along the lines of spoken French vs. written French. Johnny feels that learning within the classroom is stunting his ability to speak French because he's "just more inclined to speak it than everyone else seems to be." I acknowledged the value of conversational French, but asked him to consider the importance of knowing how to read and write it clearly and for him to self-assess his capacity to do so.

I think that helped because, by asking him not to tell me but to evaluate himself and to be brutally honest in that regard, he felt more empowered than the top-down experience in which he's been enmeshed. I think the relationship has been quite tense between parent and child over this particular point, but Johnny does not outright hate French so much as having frustrations about the pedagogy surrounding it at his school.

I count this as a win, because the problem is not with learning French. The problem is more complex than that and involves appreciating the need to understand and communicate with the written word. We reviewed using the past and present tense, including using negatives, for reflexive reciprocal verbs, which he self-identified as an area of trouble. Again, allowing him to tell me his weaker areas seemed to have an empowering effect where he felt more in control of his educational pursuit.

Over the next few weeks, we will move through each part of the curriculum; I will be able to then evaluate areas of strength and weakness and provide added support where I can see it is most needed.

The client, Mrs. Appleseed, thanked me profusely when we chatted after the session. Her gratitude was very kind and I gave Mrs. Appleseed a few business cards to “refer me to your friends.” (You have to try, right?)

She also mentioned in a week or two ramping up the number of sessions as we enter into his final exam period. We scheduled again, this time for tomorrow, Wednesday, May 8, another hour-long session. She e-transferred the funds for the first session immediately as well.

In an Excel spreadsheet, I am keeping track of all of the financials of the business, including cash flow, to ensure I am meeting my intended objectives. Like I mentioned last week, I’m also trying to absorb as much intel as I can from the Appleseeds, so I can understand best about what works well and what doesn’t with my current business model, and whether there are adjustments I can make to improve the business viability. 

What is not working?

More clients would be nice. Diversifying my clientele seems like a more sustainable way to move forward. I don’t want to put too many eggs in one basket. 

If bad news is your thing, though, then marketing will interest you. I am still getting absolutely nowhere with Facebook. My frustration with social media is insane right now. (Not that I would feel much better by getting set up to properly engage with it. But I digress.)

I did spend some money on business cards (and less than I'd budgeted, thanks to a coupon code), so I am relying, unfortunately, a little too heavily on passing these cards around wherever I can. I know word-of-mouth is absolute gold, especially in the tutoring industry, for netting more clients, but I am feeling a little desperate to supplement it with some social media or other kinds of marketing. (More on canvassing with flyers below.)

I truly expected the marketing process to be more organic than it has been, so I am genuinely surprised at the number of speed bumps I’ve faced along the way here. My goal by next week is to have something more concrete figured out, even if it means switching gears entirely and seeking out another paid marketing campaign option outside of Facebook. 

How do you feel the project is coming?

Can't complain.

Based on my metrics, I’ve met my goals so far. My natural personality doesn’t gel well with the “let it be” mantra I’m force-feeding myself, but I am trying to learn to let go a little and not try to jump the gun on my milestones.

There’s still much room for progress, but I also need to give it room to progress.  

What are you learning about running a business? 

It should come as no surprise that I have learned that I would really like to be able to afford the services of a marketing firm. The ability to know my weaknesses and pain points and being able to offload them to someone with the expertise and connections to get it done right the first time – what a blissful dream. 

Honestly, I'm starting to understand why Don Draper was such a big deal.

In the world of regulations and bylaws, I also made some strides in learning where I can hand out flyers. A terrific municipal law enforcement officer got back to me on April 29 stating that, in Ajax, no municipal bylaw exists prohibiting me from handing out flyers in public. However, I cannot hand out flyers or any other promotional materials on Town of Ajax property, any property classified as a park, and any Town of Ajax recreational facilities. By virtue of that, I might consider handing out flyers later this week; the weather is pretty nice right now and the foot traffic is increasing, so it might be wise to do that for a few hours. 

What are you learning about yourself?

I am learning a lot of four-letter words, but one of the most important ones has been “calm”... oh, here’s two more: “Slow down”.

Being as Type-A as I am, I have to learn to pace myself for a marathon, not a sprint. I have managed to seemingly get the most steps forward when I’ve stopped and smelled the roses. So, I am aiming to keep doing that, in spite of myself.

Quite honestly, rewiring that part of my brain would not necessarily be a bad thing. I understand there’s a difference between eustress (the good kind of stress that keeps us alert and alive) and distress (the debilitating kind that brings us to our knees and wreaks havoc on productivity and wellbeing), but I cannot always tell the difference between grit and grind.

In my experience, when you’re in it, you can’t see the forest for the trees. So, if nothing else, if this startup venture is an abject failure, I will walk away from it with a better sense of calmness. Nothing is ever a total loss, if we can learn or change for the better due to it.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Also if your uni has a program to talk to older students? Try it out. I know that seems silly but older students tend to adopt first years or have decent advice because they've been you. I've been you. And now I actively elected to miss a seminar this morning cause I knew the topic and couldn't be arsed. Which isn't good but like, I'm not suffering for it.

Remember holding yourself accountable for study doesn't mean self flagillating if you don't get it right. Don't beat yourself up. We all fuck up sometimes. One lf my buddies this year has 62% attendance already. Its only week 6. And he's doing fine. My gf who is doing her literal dissertation just picks and chooses her lectures and only goes to some just for the attendance number. Is this good? Nah probbaly not. But it works. She's doing a masters next year. I have 82% attendance, behind on 4 weeks of readings and have an essay due Tuesday I've not even started (I'm doing it tonight and tommoriw) my friend on the same course also hasn't started, it's ok to be behind or to struggle. As long as your trying, as long as you try no one can ask anymore of you.

Maybe talk to your tutor? About your struggle and how it's academically affecting you? Because I know most unis give you an academic advisor/tutor in first year. And they are there to help you get into it. And to keep you going.

Hallas suggestion of an accountability buddy is a great idea as well, I had one last year, I technically have one rn (I study with gf so she can chastise me and keep an eye on my work) and study with my friends which yes sure we end up chatting but it makes it much less exhausting than doing it alone. Maybe curate a playlist (helps me) or try setting out a specific space to study. Local pubs normally let students study there or cofee shops, which I do a lot during exam periods. Maybe try organising a routine? I follow a daily basic schedule (with free spots in so I don't burnout) which structures Mt day and helps me keep up with self motivating. I also find watching those weird study tube videos helps me while I study. Study with me videos make me feel like I should be studying.

Your doing great love, I promise. Hell halla can tell you the first time I missed a lecture ever (this year) I had a full blown freak out in her dms. And yeah sure it's not ideal but it's not the end of the world. Just take a few breaths, close your eyes, count to 10, and try and let it go a little. Because its a little thing, and it feels bigger than it is because it's new and you've got a lot of big feelings right now that are making everything seem terrifying. But it's gonna be ok, your doing so so amazing even talking about it and I'm proud of you. We all have hiccups and as someone with depression myself I know how it feels, and your doing well to acknowledge it and try.

I'm proud of you mate

@ 🐸anon!

[bubbledumbbinch]

Yandere! Idia Shroud x Camgirl! Reader SMUT

A/N: Hello! This is my first fic I've posted on tumblr, and I'm not used to using it at all. I hope this turned out okay and you enjoy! This is a College AU, implied magicless world, and reader is a camgirl.

This fic is purely 18+, minors do not interact.

Word Count: ~4.4k

Warnings: dubcon, brief mention of blood, non consensual drug use (aphrodisiacs)

Friday night, 11:24pm, 6 minutes before your scheduled time to start “work”. You had just finished putting on your makeup and outfit, now trying to hype yourself up in the mirror.

'I can do this. This is gonna be a great show!' You told yourself, while staring at your reflection wearing the revealing outfit. Tonight’s choice was a catgirl maid costume; the maid dress just barely covering your body and showing a large amount of chest. A choker with a bell on it, cat ears, and thigh high socks.

Giving yourself a nod of encouragement, you sat down in the chair in front of your desk, where your laptop and webcam were situated, along with your ring lights, one at each side of the desk so you were well lit for the camera. Making sure you were logged into the site, your camera angle looked good, and your laptop was charging, you waited.

You loved your side gig as a camgirl. You were able to appeal to multiple people’s sexual desires while also being able to bring yourself to pleasure, sometimes more than once per stream, if there were enough donations of course. You were also able to make a decent amount of money while doing this side job, paying for college while having fun was a pretty big plus. And, if you were gonna be honest, the validation of being attractive to so many people really made you feel a lot better about yourself.

You quickly noticed your clock switch to 11:30pm. Time to start. You clicked on the set of buttons you pretty much knew by heart to get the show started. Once it did, you started up some music to fill the silence. Just some cute electronic music to dance in your chair to while you wait for the viewers to come in. You didn’t really have as many as the big camgirls but you had a few loyal people come and watch your streams, which set your heart at ease.

5 viewers

cay-kun @ 11:31pm: wooow y/n-chan, you look so cute! excited for tonight’s show~

User18535 @ 11:32pm: fuck you’re so goddamn cute, i love your tits. can’t wait to see what that pussy looks like

10 viewers

You playfully giggled while reading the last message, winking and sticking your tongue out while flashing the camera your panties from under your skirt. While waiting for more people to join, you also made a point to talk to your viewers, asking about their day and what they’ve been up to recently, which they loved you for.

25 viewers

User58273 @ 11:34pm: You look so kawaii, I wish I could have you service me.

40 viewers

Glancing at the viewer count, you decide to officially start.

“Hi hiii~ I’m so happy to see you all here tonight! Let’s have some fun, hmm?” you started playfully. “Do you guys like my outfit?” Messages of “yes” and “yeah baby”s began flooding the chat and you grinned. “Well, I have something that will be a real treat for you all~”

You reached over to grab something that couldn’t be seen by the camera or the viewers.

~~~~~

Idia was browsing through the site full of nude streamers, trying to find a person to watch so he could relieve his tension from this week. It was midterms season and his Computer Science teachers were giving him hell by making him do in person presentations, exams, and assignments that kept piling up. It took a lot of time away from gaming and side projects of coding his own programs. He also unfortunately didn’t have his little brother Ortho with him in college, as the university didn’t allow them both to attend “as one student”. Ortho definitely eased some stress as someone he could trust and talk to, but Idia’s parents decided to keep Ortho at home to “prevent Idia from being distracted”, much to his dismay.

Idia was at least blessed to not have a roommate, so he could at least have his own privacy for nights like this. Idia’s eyes landed on a thumbnail of a girl that was dressed in cat ears and a lewd maid outfit and was intrigued. He clicked on the video icon and was met with your figure bent so that your ass was up and legs were spread on the chair you were previously sitting on. The girl on the stream had her panties down to her knees and was currently lubing up a cat tail butt plug.

“Ah, I’ve never used this before so, bear with me, please!” She pleaded, eyes looking directly at the camera. Idia was intrigued now this was her first time using it. He felt like this was perfect timing, almost like she was doing it just for him. Until he saw the comments flooding in from different people who were probably thinking the same way.

“Put it in already”

“Go slow okay~”

“don’t force yourself if you don’t want to! >//<”

“Tch,” Idia scoffed to himself. “Seems like she has simps already. No use in being interested in someo-“

“H- here it goes!” You moaned, starting to slowly shove the length and girth of the butt plug into your tight hole. “Aaanh~ it’s stretching me out...” Your eyes pricked with tears while your face contorted into pure pleasure with a hint of pain, all while staring at the camera. Every so often he could hear the little jingle from the bell on your choker.

Idia felt his pants getting tighter and his palms were starting to sweat. The face you made at him was just too unreal and he needed more. He palmed at his growing erection while you shivered at the feeling of being filled by the toy. Pulling his sweatpants down to his ankles, he started stroking his cock lightly.

cay-kun @ 11:38pm: oh y/n-chan the way that stretches out your hole is so sexy~ definitely taking a screenshot for later!

User39748 @ 11:38pm: SHIT i wish i was there fucking you with that in your ass

Blushing, you turned around so that one of your legs were in the chair while your other was up, effectively showing the camera a view of your pussy and butt plug. “What do you want me to do? I’ll just play with myself until someone makes a donation and tells me what I should do! Highest bidder within the next minute~.” With that, you looked into the camera again while soaking your middle and ring fingers with saliva and bringing them to your clit, rubbing small circles into it.

Idia realized that, even now, he wanted to have some kind of control over you. He had a lot of disposable income, being from a pretty rich family. The blue haired boy grabbed his credit card and began to type.

Ignia has donated $100!

Your eyes widened and you gasped slightly. Idia bit his bottom lip at the sight. “Ah, Ignia! Thank you for the donation, you’re new here! Welcome, what would you like to see me do~?” You smiled while looking at the camera. Idia felt like you were staring into his soul and he was sweating profusely. He thought for a minute, gulped, and decided to send a message.

Ignia @ 11:43pm: I want you to keep watching my messages and do what I say, kitten. First I want you to grab a vibrating dildo if you have one and put it at the lowest setting, then fuck yourself slowly with it.

Idia would never have the balls to be this bold with anybody. But this is the internet, so fuck it, he’ll be truthful and just say what he wanted.

You nodded and proceeded to grab one from the table of toys you had next to your desk, lubed it slightly, and did what he told you to. You moaned at the intrusion and the feeling of being filled. “Mmh, it feels so good..!” You cried out.

Ignia has donated $50!

Ignia @ 11:45pm: And by the way, call me Master. You don’t get to cum until I say so.

You shivered at this stranger’s boldness and quietly spoke, “Yes, master...” you looked away shyly from the camera and closed your eyes for a minute, thrusting the vibrating device in and out of your wetness. A couple of moans slipped through your mouth as you felt your juices spreading onto your legs.

Ignia @ 11:47pm: Faster. Fuck yourself faster for me, kitten, and put it on the medium setting for me.

You did as you were told, fingers trembling to follow what the stranger had told you. Your (h/c) hair was starting to feel moist from your layer of sweat and your body was heating up, causing your breasts to stick to the costume.

Ignia @ 11:49pm: Take your tits out and play with your nipples

You panted heavily and lowered your chest area’s covering, revealing the sheen of sweat around your tits. Flicking your left nipple while working the dildo with your right, your hands were occupied with pleasing yourself as this stranger commanded, moaning out. “Aah, m-master, f-feels so go-ood~!”

Idia was smirking, stroking hard at his cock at the sight and idea of you actually doing what he said almost made him cum then and there, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t help the rapid beating of his heart when you said the last sentence. Idia felt special. The power he had over you was addicting and he wanted to see you push yourself over the edge under his command.

65 viewers

User58273: Fuck this is so hot, I wish I could be your master too

Seeing this comment somehow made Idia seethe. He didn’t want to share you, even though this was his first stream with you. You made him feel special. He started typing out his draft of what to reply to the thirsty viewers.

Draft: Ignia: You stupid bastards, no, I’m not going to share her.

Before Idia could send the message you spoke up in a moaning voice. “*pant* N-no, my master tonight is I-Ignia, haanh~”. You were still playing with your nipples while fucking yourself well with the dildo, a light blush decorated your face and beads of sweat starting to form on the sides of your face and your body.

Idia’s jaw dropped. ‘Does she actually really want me?’ He was getting hot, too hot for his own comfort. Usually he wouldn’t last this long during his sessions but he really wanted to see you fall apart under his command. He paid for it, after all.

“Master~ I’m getting close, I- I wanna cum soon!” You whined, pleading (e/c) orbs staring into the camera with your mouth open from panting heavily.

“Cum already, don’t hold yourself back”

“Just keep going babygirl”

“Let yourself cum”

Once again, Idia scoffed in annoyance, but he noticed you never acknowledged any of the other commenters, waiting patiently for the words to come from him.

Ignia @ 11:55pm: put the toy at the highest setting, fuck yourself til you cum, then keep pumping it while you ride out your climax.

Upon seeing those words, your fingers work to put your toy at the highest setting inside your dripping cunt. You closed your eyes while you try to imagine the user who was giving out the commands, imagining them slapping your ass and fucking you until you could see stars. The feeling of both of your holes being filled was overwhelming now, and the hot feeling built up in your core faster than you realized. Idia could see it too, the heaving of your chest was picking up rapidly.

“M-,, ma- master.! I’m cumming!!!” You shrieked. Closing your eyes with your tongue unintentionally lolling out, you released a silent scream as soon as your orgasm hit. It felt like a knot inside of your body had come undone suddenly. Your orgasm had your pussy clenching around the toy that was still vibrating intensely inside of you, stimulating you longer and making you release high pitched screams.

Hearing your words before cumming had Idia teetering on the edge, but watching your facial expressions and your moans made him finish suddenly with a grunt, his pale cock spurting thick white cum all over his hand. Still, Idia kept stroking his length while you were riding out your high, overstimulating himself to match your actions on the stream.

You pulled out the toy weakly and turned it off, putting it down on a towel next to your desk.

Ignia has donated $5!

Ignia @ 11:59pm: Spread your pussy lips babygirl, I wanna see your tight hole.

User39748 @ 11:59pm: I agree with Ignia

cay-kun @ 12:00am: ah~ I also agree. Let’s see you spread it, hmm~? Oh, can you also do a lil ‘nya!’?

You checked the chat and blushed heavily, post-orgasm shyness now taking over your mind. You hesitantly shifted in the chair while spreading yourself open with your pointer and middle finger, showing off your glistening folds with your lightly abused hole. “Nya...” you held up your other hand to do the signature “catgirl” pose, playfully sticking your tongue out too.

Idia was cleaning himself off but he could feel himself twitch again, staring at your meek form. You were so gorgeous and he really wanted to see more of you, making sure to press the “Follow” button, so he wouldn’t miss another stream.

After a few seconds, you decide to end your show, feeling extremely tired and needing a shower from sweating so much. “Thank you so so much for joining me tonight! I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your evening~ take care and I hope to see you all soon!”

Small tips ranging between $1-$10 started to flow in along with messages of “take care~” “see you soon!” “great show baby ;)”.

You clicked off and you sighed deeply. Looking at your earnings tonight, you made around $200. This was probably the most you’ve made in one single stream, and $155 of that was from Ignia, a new follower and the one who pretty much commanded your entire show tonight. It really turned you on to have someone do that for you and it was the first time a viewer made you do something that felt so lewd that made you cum so quickly.

You stood up from the chair, cleaned up your desk and toys, and headed for the bathroom. Taking off your makeup in the sink, you jumped into the shower to clean yourself up.

~~~~~

Idia tentatively bit his shirt sleeve, his blue locks framing his face. Something inside of him told him that he needed to talk to you more. He had already typed out a message to send along with his friend request. He was scared - scared of being rejected by someone as pretty as you, especially now that he had already felt so attached to you, or rather, what he’s seen from the stream tonight.

Yellow eyes closed tightly as he clicked to send the friend request to you.

~~~~~

Jumping out of the shower, you throw on a head and body towel and started to brush your teeth. Walking around the room you realized your laptop was still on, and there was a notification box front and center. Curious, you clicked on it.

“One new friend request and message”.

“Friend Request: Ignia

Message: Hey, this is the user from your stream earlier. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your stream tonight. You seem nice too, so I’d like to get to know you more. If you’re interested just feel free to add me back, no pressure ofc.

Thx

Ignia”

You blinked a few times, pondering what you should do. You had gotten messages from guys before but they only said cheap compliments and asking for private shows. You were single so there wasn’t anybody holding you down and this guy didn’t seem to radiate any bad vibes. His dominant nature over chat really turned you on and you were curious about him, so you decided to accept his friend request and send a reply.

“From: y/n-kitty-cat

Hi there :) I decided to accept your message, cause why not? You shouldn’t be that creepy, right? ;P anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed my stream tonight <3 I hope you can come to future ones too!! I’d like to see you around more ;)

❤️

y/n”

You sent the message and went to the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth and your other nightly routines.

Idia couldn’t believe his eyes - you had actually messaged him back and you were really flirtatious!! That meant he was different in your eyes, right? It has to be true! He was determined to meet up with you, eventually. His dick throbbed at the idea of having you to himself, pleasing him with your mouth, doing all those lewd faces you made on the stream... his mind wandered while he pushed his pants down once again and thought of his muse who was now his “friend”.

~~~~~

After a few days of messaging back and forth, you and Ignia had ended up exchanging numbers and using text to communicate almost daily. You found out things like what your majors in college were, finding out his real name was Idia, which was a pretty unique name, and realizing you were both from the same city. Well, it’s not like Idia hadn’t already done his research - the night he became your friend he had stalked all of your social medias under a throwaway account and scrolled through every photo and bit of information he could find about you. He was becoming so hyper fixated on you he needed to know more, who could blame him? Idia just hoped he would be seeing more of you in your streams so he could watch you get off again, maybe with his assistance.

Unfortunately for you though, you realized you couldn’t stream as much because midterms were also kicking your ass. You apologized to your viewers with a blog post who luckily understood and wished you luck, saying they looked forward to your next show.

Idia couldn’t see your pretty face from the stream, which made him yearn. He told Ortho about his crush on you and when the small boy told Idia to “just tell you the truth and meet up with you!” he wanted to shut down completely. But, he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of you being in his room, exactly where he wanted you. Sighing, he picked up his phone to send you a text.

Idia: “hey”

Y/n: “hey there! 😉”

Idia: “soo i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime”

Y/n: “omg 😱 like irl? I’ve never even heard your voice before lol”

Idia: “ik, i’m a bit shy in person.”

Y/n: “i see, so is the life of a gamer and a shut in?😏😂”

Idia: “hah, yeah i guess lol”

Y/n: “soo, what did you wanna do?”

Idia: “idk, anything you want. Except go outside. And be in public.”

Y/n: “pfft, that takes away like any idea at this point HAHA”

Idia: “ya lol i prefer gaming in my room tbh”

Y/n: “oh, then maybe we can just hang out and play games or something like that?”

Idia: “Yeah, why don’t you come over to my dorm, we could game and eat snacks”

Y/n: “Sounds great! This Friday then, 6pm?”

Idia: “Sure i’ll text you the details later”

Y/n: “Awesome :) see you in a couple days then ;)”

Idia: “cool”

Idia threw himself on his bed and screamed silently into the pillow. Idia wanted more than to just be your friend but unfortunately was also extremely shy, especially when talking to new people in person. But as he was sexually attracted to you, he knew he would have a hard time hiding it from you. He had hoped to initiate some kind of sexual interaction when you met up, wanting to indulge in your sinful reactions himself. He didn’t even want to think about anybody else seeing you like that. Idia was growing possessive and realized that if he were to get you where he wanted you, he needed to do a little bit of digging. Which meant searching the web for something that would help make you more agreeable to something sexual. He knew he himself couldn’t make you agree to it, he was too nervous to initiate that! He knew what he needed - an aphrodisiac.

Composing himself, he got onto his computer and compared his options as well as looking for advice on how to please a woman. His eyes widened and lips trembled as he realized he was definitely way too shy to initiate as much as other men do, but he was determined to try anything if it meant your attention.

~~~~~

Today was finally Friday, and the current time was 5:30pm. You styled your (h/c) locks and put on a light amount of makeup, not as much as you would when you streamed but enough to make yourself feel pretty. You also decided that you still wanted to be cute, even if you and Idia were just friends at this point, and wore a tight crop top, a high waisted black skirt, and some thigh high socks since it was a bit breezy outside. You topped it all off with a (f/c) cardigan so you could at least feel comfortable in the sleeves. Packing your bag, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror, did a little peace sign and smiled, feeling cute as hell. You grabbed your keys and walked out of your dorm, heading towards Idia’s campus.

You parked at the place he told you to and gotten out of your car, looking around for him. Shit, you just realized you didn’t even ask him what he was gonna wear or what he really looked like, which was pretty dumb in hindsight. You did catch a glimpse of a tall lanky guy with fluffy blue hair and a striped t-shirt, who was fumbling around on his phone and didn’t realize you was standing right by him.

“Excuse me,” you interrupted his peace softly, causing him to jump up and squeal in fear. “Oh!! I’n so sorry, I’m just looking for someone and I didn’t know if I was in the right place?”

Idia froze. It really was you, in the flesh, looking at him and taking his appearance in. You were gorgeous, even more so than he would have ever thought, and your voice brought tingles to his spine that made him shudder. Idia realized he was being quiet for a longer than acceptable time and he looked away. “H-hi,, y/n...” he mumbled barely even audible.

“Oh!! Idia? Is that you? Hi!!!” You exclaimed, seemingly really excited. Your mouth was curved into a wide smile too.

“Huh, you sound really enthusiastic...” Idia whispered, thinking he really said it in his own mind instead of out loud.

“Of course I am! I’m finally done with midterms and now I can relax and have fun with my new friend!” You said, bumping your shoulder with him, causing him to hold his breath.

Idia gulped when he realized what you said. Friend. Right, that’s all he was to you. At least for now. But hopefully that would change soon, right?

“Y-yeah. Let’s go inside.” Idia muttered, turning his back and walking.

Based on his demeanor, you almost forgot that Idia was the one who was so dominant during your stream the other week, since his attitude was so shy in real life. But, you pushed that thought to the back of your head, today was gonna be a fun day with a new friend, and that was strictly it. You didn’t really want to make your side job as a sex worker into a big thing that would make real life friendships difficult.

~~~~~

After he led you through the halls of the dorm, he brought you to a door and opened it up. Inside it was a bit messy, but an organized mess, one where the owner definitely knew where everything was. He had a pc setup with multiple monitors, RGB lighting which was mostly set to shades of blue, and a really nice gaming chair to go along with it. He also had a shelf with different manga series along it and other consoles for gaming, a bed, a door that led to a bathroom, and a mini fridge. Pretty nice for someone who lived without a roommate, you thought.

You walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. Idia couldn’t help but think about the many times he had masturbated to you on those sheets that you were now sitting on. He was wondering what kind of panties you were wearing too, when he was suddenly interrupted.

“So! I guess we should get started on some games, yeah? I think I wanna play a fighting one against you! I’m totally gonna win~” You smiled up at him playfully.

Idia let his personality slip when games were brought up. “Tch, you really think you’re gonna win against me ? Think again.” The blue haired boy smirked down at you, which lit up the fire of competition in your heart.

“Let’s go then, dude.”

~~~~~

After about 15 minutes of close battles but still losing every one, you groaned and put the controller down on the floor where you and Idia were positioned in front of a monitor. You had developed a small sheen of sweat on your face from the stress. “Hey Idia, do you have anything to drink? I’m so thirstyy~” You looked at him and pouted, hoping he would maybe have some soda or water for you.

“A-ah, yes I do...” he stuttered a bit, seemingly nervous about something. He shuffled over to a mini fridge near his desk and brought out a cooler bottle. “Here, I made this sweet tea yesterday and you can drink from it...” Idia handed you the cool bottle and you observed it suspiciously. He was starting to feel his breath hitch and wondered if you had caught on.

“Hm~? Drinking from the same bottle already? So intimate!” You teased him, lightly elbowing his side. “Well, here goes nothing.” You tipped the bottle into your mouth and the tea tasted like sweet peach, with a slightly bitter aftertaste.

“Hm, it’s... interesting. What kind of tea is it?” You inquired, looking at the contents and sniffing it.

“I-it’s a recipe I found online! It looked good so, I decided to make it, I- I thought you would like it...” he shyly put down his head, trying to hide his suspicious nervousness from you.

“Okay... well it’s pretty good! I’ll drink some more, thanks for thinking of me~” you said as you gulped down the drink for a few more seconds. “Mmh! I think that cooled me down, let’s play more rounds!”

Idia looked back at you and sighed in relief. “Y-yeah, let’s do that.” He didn’t know how long it would take to work but at least he could distract his nerves by playing some games.

~~~~~

You started to sweat and feel hot. Unbearably hot. You cleared your throat and pulled off your cardigan and folded it to the side, but it wasn’t enough. The heat spread from your head, to your torso, and to your lower regions. Feeling hot and a deep... itch that you couldn't quite reach, in your crotch, you decide to change the position in which you were sitting, from crossing your legs to having them right underneath you, to feel some sort of friction in that area. You could feel yourself blushing intensely while the blue haired man next to you was still immersed in the game you both were supposed to play.

Watching him, you couldn’t help but notice the way his fingers moved on the controller, his thumbs and pointers expertly moving across it. You started thinking about how they would feel playing with your nipples and clit - wait. ‘What am I even thinking about?! Snap out of it!’ But, you also couldn’t help but think about when you were close to beating him during a round, his voice changed to a lower, frustrated one, and he even let out a little growl. Even now you noticed the way his eyes were so glued to the monitor with a small scowl on his face. Thinking about that sent throbs and heat to your growing wetness.

WINNER: PLAYER 1!

“Fuhehe, I knew I could beat you again~ but for some reason it felt like you weren’t trying as hard this round.” Idia put down his controller, finally took a glance at you, and his breath was caught in his throat.

Your (s/c) body was covered with a layer of sweat, cheeks burning and your eyes looked glossy. You were also panting slightly, rubbing your legs together softly to try to create more friction. “A-ah,, hey... do you think you could lower the temperature in here? It- it’s getting really hot. Maybe I could have more of that cold tea?” You breathed, trying to sound more stable than you were.

Idia was dumbfounded for a second and totally forgot you had drank the tea that he mixed with the aphrodisiacs. He gulped as he leaned closer to your face, observing you. “Is... is there anything else I can help you, w-with?” Idia placed a hand on the floor near your thigh and watched as you tried to scoot away from it.

“D-don’t do that... it’s...,” you whimpered, back now touching the side of his bed as you leaned away from his touch. Since when did he smell so good? His scent radiating from his proximity sent tingles across your body.

“Do what?” Idia experimentally reached out to touch your arm, fingers grazing your back slightly. You couldn’t fight back the moan that slipped out of your mouth. “Haah~ I-Idia...” you breathed, looking at him with pleading eyes. You really weren’t planning on doing anything with your new friend, so why was your body disobeying your mind?

“Y/n... you know you can tell me if there’s a-anything you need.. I’ll help you.” Idia’s eyes were still wide and the way he looked at you made you start craving. You wanted him - no, you NEEDED him to touch you more. You never really thought about it, but, Idia really was attractive. It’s not because of your hazy mindset that you realized it, but the way the blue lights illuminated his pale skin and make his hair almost glow, you were just focusing on it more. He was... cute.

“I-...” you started, looking down at his hand on your arm, and then back at him. Staring at his lips, you felt your arms move around his neck as you pulled him closer. Your lips smashed against each others messily and you released a soft whimper against his mouth. The reality hitting you, you moved your head back suddenly breaking the kiss. Your body was still hot.

“F-first...” Idia was stuttering. “First... kiss...” Idia stared wide eyed at you, lips still trembling. He blushed and turned away, his brows tilted upwards as if he were troubled.

“Oh, oh god, I’m so sorry....” you breathed out, scared you had fucked it up with your friend.

“Haah.. more...” his eyes suddenly turned back to you, seemingly darker than before. “I want more of you, y/n...” with that, he brought his lips to yours again and moved them sloppily against your own. He even took the liberty to bite your bottom lip with his sharp teeth, causing you to yelp. Idia used this opportunity to shove his tongue past your mouth and moved it against your own, causing you to moan in pleasure while you could feel your panties starting to drench.

Idia pulled away from you, cheeks tinted pink. Both of you panted for breath, your clothes now feeling sticky due to sweat. He scanned your blushing figure and saw an opening of your skirt that had shown off your lacy panties. Idia gulped and dove his head towards your clothed pussy, breathing in the essence and shuddering loudly, which made you gasp.

“Idiia, no... we, we shouldn’t...” you whined. But you could feel your body was not agreeing with your words. When the tip of his nose grazed your clit you bucked your hips against his head, letting out a moan at the contact.

He lifted up your skirt to your waist so he could see your facial expressions. Suddenly, his wet tongue experimentally slid up your clothed pussy, piercing yellow eyes locked onto your glazed over eyes. You shrieked at the sensation and felt embarrassed that he could get you like this, and you were still wearing your panties.

“Hhn, you wore these for me, didn’t you..?” Idia said, which made you blush. “No, I- I didn’t...” you muttered weakly, trying to avoid his gaze

Idia’s grip on your thighs suddenly got tighter and he looked up at you with furrowed brows. “Don’t lie to me, kitten. I know you want me, like how you did on the night we met, on your stream.” Idia firmly told you. It seemed like it was more like he was convincing himself. "N-no Idia, I... I don't want to-" you started, until you were interrupted.

Idia’s teeth bit suddenly into your soft thigh, causing it to bleed a bit. You knew it would leave a big mark later. “AH!! F-fuck!!” You grabbed onto his blue hair and felt your pussy clench onto nothing. Why, why are you enjoying this? It was like Idia’s personality had changed, from the shy person you met outside his dorm to a more possessive and rough one. You were a bit scared of him but why was he making you feel so good?

You didn’t have time to think as you felt him move the fabric of your panties to the side so your drenched cunt was fully visible to him. He stared in awe and took in everything - the shape, size, and how wet you were. You brought the back of your hand up to your head and panted with embarrassment. “Idia... mmh...”, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Your body was still wanting more and after your mind was fighting the feeling so much, you decided to let it be. “Please...”

Idia met your eyes and saw how glossy they were. He lifted your body onto the bed so that you were now lying on your back while he was still in front of your crotch. You softly breathed in and out, causing your chest to rise and fall in your sweat soaked top. He snaked a pale hand under your shirt to grope your breast in your lacy bra, cold fingers sending shivers through your hot body. Idia couldn’t resist any longer, he suddenly shoved his wet muscle onto your pussy with fervor. You gasped and threw your head back onto Idia’s plush pillow, and shoved your hand on the back of his head pushing it deeper into your legs. Idia couldn’t contain himself and moaned into your heat, sending vibrations through it. “Oh- aaanh~ Idi-aaa~....” you sighed and whined. He took this opportunity to lower the cup of your bra below your breast and pinch your pert nipple in his fingers.

“Fuck~!” you screamed, feeling hot tears flowing down your face. Your body couldn’t take it much longer. Your core was building a familiar sensation but it was all too overwhelming and coming too fast. “It feels so good!!” You squealed, squeezing your thighs together so you were caging his head. Idia focused his energy lapping hungrily at your clit and then pushed two digits of his free hand through your wet hole, pumping them in and out. Your panting breaths were becoming shorter with each pump.

“Idia~ I’m close!! I’m gonna cum..!” You looked at him between your legs, and he lifted his mouth off of your cunt for a brief second. He stared into your eyes with his yellow ones, which stared at you intensely, licked his lips, and spoke.

“Cum for me then, kitten. Don’t hold back, cum all over my face.” With that, he dove back in and pumped his fingers into your core and flicked his tongue on your sensitive pearl even faster than before. Idia’s hips were rutting on his mattress, precum wetting his undergarments.

“Oh god - I’m cumming, I’m cumming~!!” You screeched and squeezed his head with your thighs, squirting his face and sheets with your cum. His tongue darted around your pussy licking off your juices. You breathed heavily, riding out your high. It took everything in him to stop himself from cumming right then and there - he wanted to save that for later.

Idia leaned up to where you were and kissed you passionately, and you could taste yourself all over his mouth. You moaned at the taste of your own juices on his tongue. Still exhausted from Idia eating you out, your body somehow craved the feeling of being filled. You sat up and got up from the bed and for a second he was afraid you were getting ready to leave. You removed your drenched shirt in front of him as well as your skirt, underwear, and bra. Still wearing your thigh high socks, he stopped you before you could remove them. “I, I want you to keep those on...” he licked his lips as he stared at your socks squeezing your plush thighs, the mark he made earlier with his teeth was visible and bruising now.

Following your lead, Idia was removing his own garments, tossing his shirt to the side. He was lean, not too skinny but not muscular either, pale all over. He also removed his pants and swung them over to the floor. Idia avoided your gaze as his erection was now very much so noticeable in his boxers, and you could even see a dark spot where his precum had made a mark. You felt your vagina tremble at the sight of it. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a partner and the anticipation was starting to get to you. As for Idia, well, everything was his first.

You knelt down in front of his bed and his legs and reached out to touch the head of his penis through the boxers, making him twitch and breathe out. “Mmh,...” you pulled down his underwear to reveal his lengthy cock. He wasn’t extremely girthy but he made up for that in length. The head of it was a shade of pale pink and dripped with clear liquid. You took some of the clear liquid in your hand and began teasing the head of his dick. Opening your mouth, you also gave it a few kitten licks while you pumped the base. Idia let out a few grunts and threw his head back, causing you to grow wet again.

Idia felt himself getting too close to orgasm which made him grab your head to stop you from going further. He lifted you up again and placed you on his lap, your dripping cunt hovering over his standing cock. Your body was hot again as you stared into Idia’s yellow eyes, a pink haze dusting his pale cheeks. Remembering he was a virgin, you looked at him hesitantly. ‘I- I don’t know, are you sure you want to lose your virginity right now?’ was what you were planning on saying, until he spoke up.

“Y/n... I need you. I’ve been wanting to do this to you for a while. I- I'm gonna put it in...” Idia whispered, panting slightly. As he was lowering your hips, you couldn't say anything as you felt his tip graze your wetness and you whimpered at the feeling. He kept bringing your hips down until you felt him all the way inside, head of his dick kissing your cervix. You threw your arms around his neck and moaned into his ear, causing a grunt from your partner. Not giving you time to adjust, Idia started thrusting in and out sloppily into your hole, squelching and moaning sounds filling the air of his usually quiet dorm.

“Oh Idia, please, pleasepleaseplease-!” You screamed, not even knowing what you were pleading for. Your (h/c) hair was sweaty and you felt your eye makeup starting to run with every tear you shed. Idia’s loud grunts filled your ear, causing your heat to build up.

“*pant* Mmh, y/n...” he paused and started thrusting into you slowly but hard, pulling you back so his forehead could touch with yours, blue hair still frayed in his face. “You have, *pant* no idea... I would masturbate to your pictures every. Single. Night. I jerked off on these sheets and used your photos of you smiling, you weren’t even *pant* n-naked... Does that, *pant* make me a sick pervert? No matter, you're here with me now, and I'm mmh, making you feel good, right?” Idia confessed, yellow eyes staring into yours with infatuation and obsession. You felt your breath hitch in a feeling familiar to fear. He was lovesick. Not the same person you thought you were messaging for the past few days or gaming with earlier. He looked deranged.

“I... Aaanh~!” You were cut off by a particularly hard thrust into your cervix. Idia licked your neck while thrusting into your abused hole. “I’m gonna breed you, kitten. W-wanna see you drip with my cum.. mmh, you want that?”

You were so close to your release that you didn’t even care about what he was saying. “More Idia, more!!” You breathed. Closing your eyes and now using your own hips to grind into his cock.

Remembering a particular position that grabbed Idia’s attention, he lifted you up, dick still hard inside of you. He placed your back on the bed, your head on his pillow while he brought your legs up to your chest. Idia continued to thrust into you, your face now in full view. He held your wrists in one hand above your head so you couldn’t hide your face from his eyes.

“Idia...” you breathed out. “I- Idia!!!!” You felt your orgasm approaching fast while he pounded into you relentlessly. “Haaanh~ I’m close!!” You moaned shamelessly.

“Hnnh, that’s r-right, y/n... mm, cum for me...” Idia breathed out in between his panting. With that, Idia thrusted faster until the knot that was building in your lower regions finally released. “Aaanh~!! I’m cumming, Idia, c-cumming all over your cock!!” Your face contorted into one of full bliss, eyes looking straight into his with your mouth in an o-shape. The walls around Idia’s length clenched tightly, milking him of his seed. Idia came suddenly with a groan, pumping it deep within you while riding out his high. "Fuck, y/n!!"

Idia rolled you both to your sides, his dick softening inside you. You both panted hard as you faced one another. You opened your eyes to find him with his eyes closed, blushing at the sight of your naked bodies still intertwined even after your climaxes. “We, we actually did it...” he whispered and opened his eyes. “!!!!” He made a mildly surprised noise, eyes widening and turning away.

“Eeh?! What’s wrong!?” You said, wondering if something was on your face. “N-nothing it’s just.... I’m surprised we... you.. you’re staring at me... I’m sorry, I’m still not used to people doing that...” Idia said shamefully, darting his yellow eyes to and from you periodically.

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Eek!! Why,, are you laughing at me?” Idia frowned and hid his face in the pillow. “Well.. your personality is different when you’re having sex versus not. It's interesting.” you told him, tracing a finger along his arm.

Idia blushed intensely, throwing his arms around your neck and hid his pale face in your neck. "Mmph..! I-, I like you, y/n..." he breathed into your neck. "I wouldn't be able to handle you doing this with another person so... will you be mine?" Idia pulled back to watch your face as you contemplated.

Idia's words from earlier suddenly flooded your memories. He looked insane when he confessed to his perverted actions and it evoked an uncertain emotion akin to fear. Your body felt paralyzed. But in the moment, with Idia's lightly pink tinged skin and unsure eyes, you had to admit it made your heart flutter, too. "Yes, Idia..."

[lovesick-yanderes]

Lovesick: Part One

Cal Character Bio | Word Count: 1724 words

TWs: Stalking (via social media)

  This is probably the worst job Cal has ever had. Cardinal Cafe, a small, locally owned coffee shop and bakery placed right on the edge of the city’s center, was his own personal Hell. The smell within the building was overpowering; between all the different roasts of coffee beans, the constantly baking edible goods, and the people who stood outside to smoke a cigarette as they waited for their coffee, he was constantly overwhelmed and agitated. His coworkers sucked, too; they were all college students, always griping about exams, their class loads, interpersonal drama… shit that simply did not matter. His boss sucked. To top it all off, he made $11.45 an hour.

  Although he’d been working different jobs for over a decade by this point and had saved almost every penny, meaning he didn’t really need a well paying job to get by for quite a while, he still resented the low wage compared to the effort he was forced to make on shift each day. He frequently dreamed about telling his boss and coworkers off and just walking out one day, middle finger raised. He’d find a new job, which would be exciting at first, but would inevitably suffer the same fate as not only the Cardinal Cafe, but also Dane’s Diner, Peachtree Preschool, August’s Auto, and loads of other establishments he’d worked at throughout his time as a vampire.

  There was one reason he was hesitant to leave Cardinal Cafe; you. His favorite regular customer. You came in every single day and ordered a rotation of three drinks. You always chatted with him as he made your drink, smiled and laughed at everything he said, and complemented his barista skills after every first sip. If it was slow, you’d stick around by the counter to sip on your drink and carry a lengthy conversation with him; if it was busy, you’d give him a genuine thanks and be on your way. He looked forward to you coming by the cafe every shift; it was one of the only things that got him through work.

  Cal looks at the clock: 9:30 am. You should have been here by now.

  He shrugs to himself and continues prepping, making three different pots of hot coffee before switching to making the cafe’s cold brew. At 10:30, he starts getting anxious. A steady stream of customers pour in and he meticulously crafts their drinks, pouring cups of coffee and serving pastries or croissants to their buyers. Time flies incredibly fast. At 12:30, it’s time for him to clock out. He takes his time getting ready to leave, hoping you’ll run through the door so he can see you; you never arrive.

  Where were you? He punches out of his shift and heads back home, and occupies himself through the rest of the day, and then through the night, with thoughts of your whereabouts. He walks into the Cardinal Cafe the next morning at 5 AM, ties his apron tight, and gets to work prepping the bar, confident he’ll see you today- but he doesn’t. In fact, two weeks go by before he, frustrated, decides to do some digging. First, he asks his coworkers if they’ve seen you.

  “No, not for a few weeks now,” one of them says, idly twisting her hair as she leans against the counter. “It sucks. They were so nice.”

  “The last time I saw them…” Another trails off in thought, crossing her arms to help her focus. “Probably at the end of last month.”

   “(Y/N)? No, I haven’t seen them,” the third says as he questions her. “It’s been quite a while since they’ve stopped by. Sucks. They tipped really well.”

   With his coworkers offering no help, he turns to social media to find you. He searches your name on every platform, and while he does find you (rather easily, in fact), he’s frustrated to see that all of your accounts are private and locked down pretty tightly. There was no way for him to check up on you. He throws his phone down and claps his hands over his eyes, groaning out of anger and frustration. What was he supposed to do now? The only good part of his day was gone.

  Well, maybe this is for the best, he thinks, uncovering his eyes and reaching to grab his phone again. A small crack now sat near the top of his screen. He rolls his eyes and goes back online, scrolling aimlessly to try to distract himself. With you gone, he has no other reason to stay at the Cardinal Cafe. This is what he’s been waiting for; a reason to leave… but why does it feel so wrong? The prospect of never seeing you again makes his heart ache in a way he’s never experienced, certainly not as a vampire, but not as a human, either. He continues to scroll mindlessly when something familiar catches his eye. It’s your sweater- well, the same sweater that you have- in the background of an ad. He expands the post to read more.

  It’s a targeted ad for a new apartment complex on the other side of the city.

  “Immediate move-ins available! Our luxury apartments are spacious, pet friendly, and come with plenty of amenities. Call our leasing office today!” Below continues with more information, such as base rent prices, pet restrictions, and details about the amenities. Cal chooses to ignore them and scrolls back to the picture, clicking it to look it over again.

  Something inside of him surges when he sees the sweater again. Not because of the article of clothing, but because of the person wearing it. The person in the picture was definitely you- your body shape and hair made this unmistakable. Cal put his phone down again, this time in shock; moments ago, he felt like he’d lost purpose because you were gone, and now, thanks to a random targeted ad, you were back, and he could see you again. It felt unreal- too good to be true. He snatched his phone back up and called the leasing office, his mind already made up. He was going to see you again.

   -

   Less than a week later, Cal’s old apartment is packed up in boxes and loaded into a moving truck. His time at the Cardinal Cafe is also over- he simply stopped showing up. He drives separately over to the new apartment complex: Steel Square Estates, a total of 5 blue buildings spread throughout a sprawling parking lot. He goes through the process of getting his key and walks up to his unit, opening up the windows to look at his view and get a feel for the layout of the complex’s property. There’s a pool, a small playground, and what seemed to be a paved walking trail that led into a nearby wooded area. It was, simply put, beautiful. 

   He spends the rest of the afternoon unloading the moving truck with the hired movers. He’s constantly looking over his shoulder and around the building for you as he travels up and down the stairs, stopping abruptly to stare any time he sees someone with your hair color. He  has no luck, though. He pays the movers and is walking back upstairs to his unit when he stops again after seeing your hair color. Except this time, it isn’t a stranger.

   There you were, in all your glory, walking down the stairs to head toward the parking lot when you met his gaze. He watches your confused expression turn into one of recognition, then shock, then joy. He can’t help himself as he cracks a smile at your emotional progression and watches as you jog down the stairs towards him.

   “Oh my God!” You exclaim, stopping in front of him. “It’s you! From Cardinal Cafe!”

   He feigns ignorance for a moment before mimicking your progression of recognition. “(Y/N)?” He asks, hoping he sounds just as elated but curious as you do.

   “Yes! I can’t believe it!” The two of you share excitement for a moment. “Did you just move here?” You ask, tilting your head to the side a little.

   “Yes. Just got my keys today,” Cal explains. He can barely contain his excitement. He sets the box he was holding down on the sidewalk, giving you his full attention.

   “What a coincidence! I just moved here a few weeks ago too- I can’t believe we didn’t know we were moving into the same complex, let alone the same building!”

   “What a coincidence indeed,” he affirms, smiling. If only you knew the struggle he went through to find you again.

   You’re about to start talking again when a door slams from up the stairs. Down walks a tall man with black hair, staring at you and raising a brow at Cal’s presence. You look back, much to Cal’s dismay, and make a sound of joy.

   “Oh, John!” You exclaim, waving the man over. Cal’s body tenses as the man comes closer to you, and he feels something dangerous shift in his brain when the man wraps an arm around your shoulders. “This is Cal. He works at Cardinal Cafe, that coffee shop I went to on the other side of town.”

   John nods his head at Cal, and Cal returns the gesture, his fury like a wildfire, spreading through his body with such speed he can barely hold himself together. He just met the guy, but Cal wants John to die. Painfully. Now. 

   “I’m John, as you already heard. It’s nice to meet you,” John says. 

   “You as well,” Cal returns.

   The three of you stand there awkwardly for a moment before you break the silence. “Well, we won’t keep you from moving in. I’m so glad we got to chat again! I’ll see you around, Cal!” You and John head off in the opposite direction, but Cal stands his ground for a moment, trying desperately to calm himself down. He watches you leave to the parking lot over his shoulder before he continues walking back up the stairs to his unit, his mind already racing to figure out a way to get rid of John. Something dark inside of him takes over, something possessive. You’re not walking away from him again- and John will not be sticking around for long.

[harleysarchive]

Among You and Me - Corpse x Reader Oneshot (part 2)

Fandom: Corpse, youtubers Warning: Profanity, a lot of swear words, fluffiness, quite long Pairing: Corpse x f!reader Summary: You and Corpse continues with your conversations and it makes you realize that you have feelings for each other. 

Requested

< Previous | Next >

After Corpse had followed you on instagram the two of you talked like nonstop for days. It almost felt like you had known him for years. You had the same humor and he talked about some horror stories he wanted to do and you thought they sounded cool - but not wanting to admit that they scared you as well. You talked about school and how stressed out you were for the essays and exams that were coming up soon.

“I have an exam next Wednesday so I will be off the internet the whole day :(“ you wrote and buried your head in your pillow. 

“That sucks big time.”

“It doesss.”

“Wait… Then you will miss my upcoming stream that day :(“

Shit, you thought. You really wanted to see his stream but right now you don’t have time for it. Which sucks even more than school.

“Probably, I’m sorry :(“ you said and locked your phone to get ready for school.

Corpse POV.

I read the message she sent again and didn’t know what to answer. My brain was so tired so it had problems with coming up with coherent replies. I was not prepared for how the feeling of hurt and sadness that came with that response.

Why did I react like this, of course she has other stuff to do than to watch my stream…

But I couldn’t shake the hurt feeling from my chest. Even though we only had talked for a couple of days it felt like we had known each other for longer than that. She felt like a close friend almost. And when she was with me on my streams, it reduced my anxiety and my nervousness to know that she was watching, somehow it eased my nerves a lot.

Why do I need you there with me to feel safe? he thought to himself and started to type in a response.

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)” he hit send. Thoughts fucking exams that is keeping you away from my stream.

Wait, wait, where the fuck did that thought come from? 

I shook my head, trying to think about something else. I pressed on (Y/N)’s profile on instagram and started to go through her feed. There were some selfies, some pictures of nature and different places where she had been. Some pictures with friends and some with her family. I stopped on a specific selfie of her. She looked so beautiful on it, all I could do was to admire it - and her. Then I did something I thought I’d never do. I took a screenshot of the photo and saved it as my background on my phone.

I will never meet her so this won’t do any harm, I told myself before I fell asleep.

Your POV.

You threw your bag at the couch and fell down face first in the bed. School was killing you at the moment and it wasn’t better with the essays that were piling up on your schedule. You groaned into the pillow and then took up your phone, one message from instagram. You opened it and it was from Corpse. Your heart made a little extra jump everytime you saw the name appear, and that he had answered you. You smiled and read the text. 

“It’s okay, nail those exams for me ;)”

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)” you felt bold writing the last part. But what the hell right? 

You hit send and waited for him to respond. He was probably asleep now, knowing his weird sleeping schedule. Not wanting to wait the whole day - it would drive you nuts and also give you thoughts like “what if I’m annoying or disturbing him?” “what if my message woke him up and he’ll get mad and never want to talk to me again?” “what if…” you know?

You opened your texted book and tried your hardest to study, but it was hard when your mind was constantly wanders away to Corpse - the man that has been on your mind all the time lately and you didn’t mind it really. 

Is it possible to fall in love with someone that you haven’t met? you thought. Because if it is so, then I’m fucked...

Corpse POV.

I must’ve slept for more than three hours for the first time in weeks because I almost didn’t feel dead. I looked over at my phone and I had two messages. One from Dave checking up on me and one from (Y/N). I checked (Y/N)’s message first.

“I will try my best to ace them, just for you ;)”

I got a warm feeling on my chest reading the last part, just for you. I liked that. I liked that a lot actually, more than I liked to admit to myself. I looked at my background picture and there she was smiling at me. Even though it was just a picture from instagram it felt like she smiled at me. And only to me. Some confidence sparked inside of me and I messaged her again.

“Can I get your number?”

Your POV.

You had taken a break from your studying and were watching Mark, Bob, Wade and Sean playing Phasmophobia. It was hilarious to watch. Your phone lit up and you had gotten a message from Corpse on instagram. 

“Can I get your number?”

You stared at the message, he wanted your number. Your thumbs were typing but were shaking so bad, all this kinds of emotions can’t be good for you. 

“Of course!” you typed and then wrote down your number to him. You hit send and bit nervously on your nails. Not long after you got a message from an unknown number.

Hey is this (Y/N)?

Yes is it! Corpse?

Oh thank god! I was nervous I had typed in it wrong and were messaging some weirdo.

You smiled at the two of you continued your conversations throughout the evening.

Some days later it was Wednesday and you had one of your exams. You were a little bit nervous but not a lot. You had tried your best to study, even with obvious distractions, and you had got some informations in your brain. 

Wish me luck on my exam! you send to Corpse, knowing fully that he was sleeping, it was early in the morning, or perhaps he hasn’t even gone to bed yet. Yoy got a ding on your phone.

Good luck (Y/N), not that you need it you are a smart girl. But I know that you are going to kill it 🖤

The heart in the end made your heart jump. 

How am I suppose to consentrate when he sends me stuff like that? 

The exam went like a dream, you knew all the answers to all the questions and it went by fast. You felt pleased with yourself and looked at the clock and it was just before noon. Corpse livestream had just begun!

If I grab a quick lunch I can get home before it is over! you thought to yourself and walked as fast as you could towards the school cafeteria and then straight home.

You made it just in the middle of the stream, they were playing Among Us and Corpse were super nervous. You felt bad for him because you knew that he was great at the game. He didn’t have to be so hard on himself. An idea popped up in your head. You donated 10$ to his stream and wrote:

“You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” 

Now you were just waiting to see if he will notice the message. 

Corpse POV.

My hands were shaking so bad, more than usual. It was normal for me to be nervous before and during a stream but today my nerves were going crazy. I was making rookie mistakes as a impostor, like wtf I am supposed to be the number one impostor here. 

Fuck I wish my hands would stop shaking so bad, why am I so nervous? Well I knew the answer to the question but I didn’t want to admit it to myself. (Y/N) wasn’t here watch and it sucked so bad. I felt lonely and anxious. I looked over at the chat and was that I had recieved a donation with a message.

“”You are doing great Corpse and my exam went great ;) much love (Y/N)” Why thank you-... Wait a minute, (Y/N)?” my voiced cracked at the end of the sentence and I am sure someone caughed up with my surprised and overly excited tone. I took up my phone and texted her fast.

Please tell me that was you who wrote that.

I waited and I saw the three dots going of, not helping with my anxiety one bit.

Yes it was me, I finished much earlier with my exam than I anticipated, so I hurried home to see your stream. 

My heart became all warm over her message and I didn’t even notice that I had held my breath before I let out a huge sigh. She hurried home to watch me. My hands were shaking but not over my nervousness, but from excitement and, i don’t know happiness maybe. Three dots appeared again on the screen.

I couldn’t leave you alone when I know how nervous you get when you’re streaming.

Fuck... That sentence made me fall over the edge, if I haven’t already. I am falling for (Y/N) and I haven’t even met her... 

Yet.

A/N: Upon many requests, here is part two! It made me so happy to see all the comments on my first oneshot and how well recieved it got. Thank you all so freaking much! :D

Tags:

@annshit @artist-bby @polahorvat @wibblytimey @sadlysober @usuie12 @lunaruss @yeolliedokai @fanworrior @kirislut @deathcompass @pillowjj @simonsbluee @reddeserths  

[deluluass]

Then, the dam breaks.

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; dacryphilia; mild infantilization

Kuroo's not a bad person. 

Not even by a long shot. "Bad" is willfully stretching out a leg, hidden like a predator among the bushes; hungry for an unknowing soul who's naively secured with their surroundings and the crack that resounds when face finally meets floor.

Or, murder! Murder is bad, he believes.  

No, Kuroo isn't capable of any of those things. He might seem like he has a mean streak about him. What, with his sharp tongue and that incorrigible self-satisfied smirk (according to Yaku) and his words that may or may not sting like a backhanded slap sometimes. But that's all in good humor. 

Well-deserved, too, when given to the right asshole. And if he does manage to get under the skin of the wrong person, Kuroo's not above offering an apology. 

And he means it. (Occasionally.)

There's no pleasure to be had, if anyone would ask. Because, again , he's not a bad guy. He's sly: he knows that much, though he wouldn't taunt someone into visible pain just for the thrill of it.

There's a method to all this. A purpose. Not a profound one, but a reason all the same. 

So he has to admit he's feeling kinda lost figuring out why, of all people, it just really had to be you. 

There wasn't much of an option to begin with.

Art clubs had already been full. The other ones, you weren't much interested in. And by the time you realized your homeroom teacher would stop at nothing to remind you that this year was your last chance to do something other than study and prepare for exams, for once— well, it had already been too late to reconsider joining those.

Then a flyer was handed out to you.

"V-volley," the boy trailed off. 

Try as you might but you couldn't recognize him. A feat, that, considering his blond mohawk that you could spot among a crowd of thousands. 

He seemed like he'd caught a nasty spell that prevented him from meeting anyone's eyes, even as you deliberately searched his face for any sign that he'd explain himself to you. Surely, he must have a lot to say after he'd outright ambushed you from entering the cafeteria. 

"You...want me to join?" 

You were on the verge of asking for more details, focusing on the black cat (though it didn't look like it) drawn on the center of the curiously damp paper, only to find out that you'd been conversing with an empty hallway. 

A soft grumble left you. 

"Weird," you concluded, barely a whisper. "Weird, weird, weird ."

You were the volleyball team's manager since then. 

"She's not much of a talker."

Lev hunched to his knees again, sounding very much like he's running out of breath.

It should've been Kuroo's cue to gently ( gently) tell him off, that Nekoma's ace would handle a minute of catching a ball with their face with much more tenacity than he does, or that Nekoma's ace shouldn't have to catch the ball with their face in the first place, period.

" Zoning out already, Ace? " he'd planned on jeering, but instead he followed the direction of the overgrown 10 year old's gaze. 

Someone was talking to you. 

Apologizing , was more like it, if the other student's incessant bowing until his torso fell from his body was any indication. You were outside of the gym, clipboard tucked under an arm, so it was impossible to catch a word you were saying.

Not that you were saying much. Or anything at all. You only nodded. And nodded again. And after what seemed like the world's loudest "I'm so sorry, senpai!",you immediately went back inside to refill the water bottles lined atop the bench. 

"Hey," Kenma sighed, the ball in his hand aimed for a toss. "Focus."

And the cycle of Lev being an utter disappointment to the blond setter continued. 

Kuroo let out a noncommittal hum, eyes never leaving you, trailing like a lost pup as you handed out water bottles to Nobuyuki and the others. 

"Not a talker, huh," he muttered to himself. 

How long has it been? Two weeks? Three, maybe? Kuroo could scarcely remember for how many days you'd been showing up to this sweaty pit to perform your duties. On the dot. Always. Without fail. 

What he does remember was the first day.

Chin up; head held high. You strutted into their lives as if you were leading an entire militia to battle and had no time to waste.  

He teased you for it when you'd already busied yourself with clean up duty a few minutes after your (short) ( extremely concise) introduction.

("Slow down there, general," he told you with a wry chuckle. He expected any reaction from you, really.)

(He just didn't expect you to actually slow down on your cleaning and pick up on the Coach's remaining paperwork right then and there, going through it like a forest fire.)

It would take him a few more days to realize that that's just how you are. 

Even when you rejected a tongue-tied Yamamoto when he tried to ask you out. For a meal. With the other boys, of course.

Even when you took a hurtling ball to your leg and lost your footing and had the whole team scrambling for a stretcher, only for you to stand on your good leg, tell everyone "I'm okay," and walk to the nurse's office on your own.

(Kuroo doesn't think he's seen someone limp with so much grace before.)

His throat suddenly felt incredibly dry. 

Water . Water was what he needed. 

Right. 

You didn't see him coming from across the court. You were sitting on the bench and your back was turned, scribbling on that clipboard propped on your lap, yet— like clockwork, your idle hand shot out to give him the last bottle to your left before he could even finish asking for one.

He felt his lips curve as he muttered his thanks around the lid.

"Say," Kuroo began.  

You were reading the things you wrote back to yourself. 

"Mind telling me what was that about?"

You paused. You blinked up at Kuroo. 

The attention hits him like a freight train. 

That clear as summer sky gaze, unclouded and bright. 

It's nuts how unreal it felt. How can something so elusive be now all on him. 

(Just for him.)

"Earlier," he added, licking his lips and feeling silly for the way his chest tightened. "Seemed kinda intense."

"He borrowed my notes," you said. Then back to the clipboard again. 

Kuroo made himself comfortable next to you, elbow propped on his knee as he rested his chin against an open palm.

"Got a test coming up?"

"Cram school. He's in the same class."

Of course .

"Of course," Kuroo grinned. "What happened? Heard the guy apologize to you like you were about to kill him."

Laughter bubbled out of his chest. Unfortunately, you didn't seem to find it as funny as he did. Pity. 

He sighed.

"Nothing too bad, I hope."  

The noise of ballpoint pen scratching against paper halted. 

From way at the back, Lev was prattling Kenma's ear off again. Kuroo guessed they were about to leave, walking away from the court, away from the gym and to god knows where. The whole team, too, for that matter.

Everyone seemed to have gone, diminished in that second. He couldn't hear them anymore, didn't bother to see if they're still there.

He was looking at you, after all. Really looking at you. Your grip on the pen was a tad severe, he thought; fingers determined to squeeze the ink out of the barrel. 

Your face betrayed nothing. Indeed, anyone could spare you a glance and immediately guess that this is just another empty chat between acquainted individuals, conversation just for the sake of it. 

Kuroo wasn't just anyone, though.

Chin up and head held high; as you'd always done. But Kuroo's close enough to see it now, unlike before: the gulps you take in between breaths; the falter in those eyes that only ever looked forward.

Chin up and head held high, but Kuroo sees now that the neck he could easily break with one hand is so tense it's essentially a string pulled too tight that's on the brink of snapping. 

Oh.

"Oh," Kuroo whispered.

Oh .

"He lost it didn't he?" Kuroo realized. "Your notes."

And it did snap.

"Just..!" You looked down and bunched your pants in your fist. "No. Of course not. It's nothing," you huffed, putting the ball pen's cap back on. 

You were leaving.

Kuroo stood up.

"You look upset, manager-san," he said softly, his larger frame blocking your attempts of escape. "It is bothering you, hm?"

"My notebook got-got ruined, sure," you said. "But juice stains aren't bothering me, Captain ."

There it is. You were meeting his gaze again. 

" Too late for that ," Kuroo thought. There's a stutter to your words when there had been none. 

Your arms are trembling and you look  uncomfortable. He should stop. He knows he should stop , but whatever it is he said is chipping away at that impenetrable wall and he doesn't get what's happening now but damn, damn if that tingle running down his spine doesn't feel so fucking good. 

"My bad," he chuckled. "Sorry."

He raised both his arms in a show of defeat. 

"I'm- it's fine," you said through gritted teeth. "If you would just— excuse me."

Kuroo shrugged a shoulder. 

"Sorry about your notes, still," he said. "Must've been important to you. We all know how much you take your studies very, very seriously." 

Kuroo smirked. "You shouldn't have let him have it then." 

That made you stop in your tracks. 

"What do you mean?" you sought, confusion breaking your voice into what sounds like the smallest it's ever been.

Kuroo felt his breath catch in his throat.

"He needed my help, though," you rushed. "I can't just turn people away." 

"Really?" Kuroo sniggered, eyebrows lifting in fascination. 

"Could've sworn you were good at it," he said; whispered it so lowly, you couldn't have heard it. But you did.

You heard him, all right. Loud and clear.

Because it was just like watching someone take a bullet to the heart. 

First, the disbelief. 

Skin, muscles, and ligaments weren't made to be broken like that. A person wasn't created to bleed to death. And when it happens, well, all one can ask is: how could someone hurt me like this? 

So you stand before him, immobile, disbelief written in those wide eyes, because how could he hurt me like this?

Then—

Then, the dam breaks.

Kuroo doesn't think that you know it; that you're gaping at him with tears streaming down your face; that you're falling apart and stripping yourself bare the more you try to temper those quivering lips with that cute little nibbling you do.  

Kuroo doesn't think you know it, too.

That no one has ever been as beautiful as you are, right in that very moment.

You're not a good person.

Not even by a long shot. "Good" is an open hand, warm and soft and prepared to accept anyone in need of it. It's many things, goodness, but it most certainly isn't a dismissive attitude towards a well-meaning person who only wants to get to know you.

You hadn't gone this far in your uneventful life ignorant of what people say behind your back. "Frigid" is one. "Indifferent" on a good day. "Bitch" when someone feels like being mean. 

It's not like you're mad or anything; not as if you'd built up some sort of resentment within you that now you've settled for being perpetually friendless. You have plans, is all. You just can't afford to be a constant helping hand when you've got so much to do.

So you take it. 

Be a sport about it, was what you've always been told. Stiff upper lip, as they say. You remain silent about it and you endure and maybe you shed a few tears later as you lie in bed and maybe you entertain the possibility that you'll never see the end of this loneliness. 

But that's neither here nor there.

The point is, this time shouldn't have been any different.

(But sometimes even the strongest walls can crumble. All it takes is one crack, then the rest would follow.)

It was a bad day. 

You woke up late. You messed up the tally in the first set of practice games. You forgot the homework you'd stayed up all night to do. 

And the person whom you've lended your notes to for the college entrance exams lost it. 

He lost it. Conveniently just a month before the actual thing. 

"I- It's nowhere to be found, senpai," he explained. "I tried looking for it everywhere but- but I.." (You don't remember the rest.)

It's fine, you told yourself. You're fine. You can do something about a little inconvenience like this. You always have.

But then Kuroo Tetsurou asked. 

He's an amazing captain; even someone like you who only had a rudimentary knowledge at volleyball could understand the level of skill it requires to do what he does on the court while still managing to reign in the polarizing characters in this team together. And like most people, Kuroo Tetsurou has never cared for you. 

That's what you'd always thought, concerning him. Even when there had been times when he'd let slip what he thought about you. ("You're so cold, manager-san," he pouted once after you'd refused to eat with Yamamoto and the others.)

So it blindsided you, to say the least. 

The way he looked at you, as if he's privy to your darkest secrets, like he's seen you at your lowest and somehow knows you more than you did. 

When he'd jabbed and poked at what you'd only later realize was already a festering wound. (" It is bothering you, hm?" he said.) And before you could think about telling him to stop, to please, please let it go, it had already happened.

(" Could've sworn you were good at it ," he said.) 

This isn't news to you. Besides, there have obviously been worse digs. 

But hearing it from people who think you're not listening and being told about it to your face are two vastly different things. 

(Maybe it's because deep inside you'd always hoped that not everyone disliked you. That even though you're not a good person, you're not entirely bad either.)

Right in front of you, swift and without warning, he spoke only the truth.

You just weren't prepared for how deep it could cut. 

"I have to go," you murmured.

It took you a few seconds to realize that you'd been crying. And when you did, you immediately wiped your cheek with the back of your hand, turning away from him and the others still engrossed in their drills.

You let your feet do the thinking, allowing it to take you wherever they wished to go ( not here. not here. anywhere but here ), finding it impossible to do so yourself when your vision is clouded with welling tears. 

You moved forward, never once looked back, until you ended up inside the stark darkness of the gym's forgotten neighbor. 

The shed has long been abandoned and had nothing but dust, a couple of furniture in disrepair, and the occasional bug to keep it company. It was good enough for you. You didn't need much anyway.

Except for silence. 

The breaths that you'd desperately tried to control shook like dried leaves hanging onto frail branches, much like your legs, eventually collapsing at the slightest gust of wind. 

All you needed was silence.

Crouched down, the feeling of bones reduced to jelly was a lot more palpable. And despite the pins and needles that you know would eventually appear like a vengeful mistress, you stubbornly pressed your knees closer to your damp face.

Stuttering inhales and short-lived exhales  soon enough filled the gnawing emptiness of the shed as you count back to the moment you'd started the day to when your classmate told you that he'd lost your notebook to when you'd been told of how much of a shitty person you are and you wonder how you would've changed your decisions and how could it have gotten to this point how could it go wrong like this what did I do what did I do wrong what went —

"There you are."

You clamped your mouth shut, clenched your teeth so hard to stop their chattering. How useless. 

The creaking noise of the door being closed— punctuated by the sound of the latch clicking, rendered that effort futile. 

Kuroo Tetsurou locked the door.   

"C-can you," you panted. "Can you please leave."

"I need some time alone," you said, every beat of your heart like the ticking clock of a time bomb. "Please." 

You waited for him to do as you'd told. Maybe what happened earlier was a mistake, a slip of tongue that hurt more than it should've, and he's here to apologize. Of course. That's it, isn't it? Why else would he be here?

"I- If you want to say something, we can- we can— later." 

It was as if the entire world had gone still. He said nothing; neither could you hear any hint of movement. You turned around.

"C-captain..!"

He was right there. 

Right in front of you, crouched and staring right back at you. His face a hair's breadth away from yours. 

Your legs shot upwards. 

"What are you- ah !" You hissed, feeling every cell in your body being incessantly pricked. Finding it impossible to stand on your own, your hands scrambled to get a hold of something, anything, maybe the almost dilapidated table behind you— only to be caught in between large, strong arms.

"Careful, now," he murmured against your neck. His scalding breath like frostbite, chilling you down to your bones until you were numbed from the pain.

He slithered a hand around your waist. With blood thundering to your ears, you bit back a shriek and pushed him away with all your might. But have you forgotten? Despite that indolent swagger of his, you've witnessed how this boy pushes himself to exertion for each match and beyond. What made you think you could win against him? 

And when you attempted to open your mouth and yell, he effortlessly covered it with a palm while hauling you towards the table. The thing rocked under your weight. It is amusing, what the fear of falling does to you. One moment you're thrashing your way out; the next, you're holding onto your tormentor for dear life.

"No one's gonna come for you." He shushed you like how one would when placating a rabid animal. "You really believe they would bother? With an attitude like that?"

Down, down, his hand sank to your thigh, kneading the aching flesh until all you could do was mewl out a hoarse, "S-stop. I beg y-you."

Because it's all that's left for you. No one's going to save you. Or maybe someone would. But, who? And would they, really? 

(Go on, then. Try. See for yourself.)

"Kuroo-san," you whimpered. " S-stop ."

(Would they even believe you? It's your word against his. Him . Their beloved captain.)

"Tetsurou," he only said, dipping his hand lower, wrapping your freezing legs around him. "Say it."

He's everywhere. Lips tracing your chin, teeth grazing your throat; all the while your weak, pathetic arms stayed on his shoulders, thinking he'd regain his senses because he has to. He has to. He's not a bad person. He wouldn't hurt you, not in that way. 

Even when rough palms are already caressing the sides of your breasts and you feel a bulge rutting against your stomach, hot and rock hard and large, his hands grabbing your ass to bring your crotch closer to his—

"Cap- Tetsurou!" You cried, trembling hands back on his chest as you sobbed and pleaded please, please, let me go, I won't say anything, I-I'll keep quiet .

He did stop. But he didn't let you go. (You're a stupid girl if you think he would). Instead, with a forefinger under your chin and a thumb on your lower lip, he gently tilted your head to meet his gaze. 

And when your murky vision adjusted to the shadows, the heart that wanted to escape from your chest ceased its clamoring, arresting your breath with it.

The afternoon sun peeked through the crevices of the shed's wooden walls. Red-orange light revealed a pair of iris swallowed by blown pupils, only for it to pass and shroud him back into the darkness. 

"Say it again," he whispered, deep voice cracking. " Tetsurou . My name."

You tried to speak and protest once again but only a croaked snivel left you, your babbling becoming less coherent when he began planting soft kisses on both tear-streaked cheeks. 

"You've been all alone, haven't you? Keeping everything to yourself all this time."

He kissed your forehead and it was so tender you wanted to die. 

"My strong, brave girl," he breathed. "I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you. I- I-"

You heard him chuckle as he pressed his forehead to yours, felt it crease on your skin. "I love you."

No. No, no, no . You shook your head and closed your eyes and prayed to anyone who's listening. 

"I love you," he repeated, strongly now, as if he only realized it this time around. 

And then he kissed you. Just a peck. And then he kissed you again, deepening it to probe a wet tongue into your mouth. And the hand sitting lax on your neck felt like a gun to your temple.   

You remained just as you were, like a plaything to do with as he pleased, as you felt calloused fingers creep inside your sweaty shirt.

"Such pretty tits," he grunted as he raised your bra over your breasts to brush your nipples, rolling and pinching and pulling them with his thumbs.

He muffled the noises you made with his own mouth still when he continued fondling you. You soon enough tasted the salt off of his palm when he left your lips to lick and pepper bites on your neck, on the valley and mounds of your breasts, sucking and lapping the stiff peaks until he was satisfied.

You tried counting, one to whatever. And when that did not work, you tried biting your own tongue to rid of the heat you fear would burst in your belly. 

All that went to waste when he reached inside your pants. 

"Not- not there!" you gasped, breaking your silence and wriggling out of his grasp.

He cooed. "You'll feel good. I promise."

After hooking long fingers over the hem of your panties, he briskly parted the hair and lips underneath to pull the thin cotton over the folds, over the throbbing nub trapped in the middle. 

"Your pussy's so wet, sweetheart," he sighed, the tip of his middle finger drawing light circles on your clothed clit. 

It was so lewd and dirty and the fact that your panties were soaked with slick was enough to burn you with shame.

"You like it, hm?" 

Perhaps you whimpered out a meek "no." You couldn't tell anymore, heaving out while he continued to toy with a sore nipple as he rubbed your slippery cunt, preying on your puffed out, swollen clit.  

"Feel what you do to me." He squeezed your wrist and forced your shivering hand on his crotch. "Take out my cock, baby," he whispered, scattering kisses on your neck.

"Tet-Tetsuro…san," you cried. "I can- I can't."

"Yes. Yes, you can ," he said, not halting the ministrations between your legs. "You're a big girl."

As if held by a string, he guided you, wrapped his hand around yours as he— as you stroked him, scorching and thick, up and down, just like that . 

"Good girl. My good little girl," he groaned, parting your panties to the side to tease your dripping hole. 

You wept harder, the inevitable only a few seconds away from you. A single finger, at first. And when he added a second one, you realized you preferred having a hand on your mouth than his lips on yours.

(Because then you wouldn't have to think of an excuse why you're suddenly swirling and brushing your tongue in time with his.) 

For a while there had been nothing but the sound of two wet lips pursing against each other (along with those embarrassing squelching noises). 

He treated you as if you were made of porcelain, your plush walls stroked oh so gently as he circled the sensitive bundle of nerves. Even when he ended the kiss and removed your hand from his cock, spit and pre-cum connecting you to him, he still handled you as if you would break at the drop of a hat.

That's why it snuck up on you, what happened, after he brought his mouth to your ear.

"Don't scream," he whispered. 

Then, he rammed his fingers in your mouth. 

You tasted yourself as he forced you on your back, slamming you down on the dirty table yet still carrying your weight all throughout, never letting go.

The bitter acceptance of it— that what began earlier can only conclude to this , did not prepare you for the feeling when he finally thrust himself into you.

They say it shouldn't hurt at first. If it does then he's doing it wrong. 

You hardly know if it's relief or horror that dawns on you when you realize how he stretched you out so easily, despite his size. Because, by all means, this should be wrong. This is wrong. 

"Gonna ruin you," he panted. "Gonna ruin you and— fuck put you back together myself."

He grinded his cock inside you deep and slow and when he hit that spot you couldn't control yourself from jackknifing so hard he had to hold you down. He does this mercilessly, pace growing more delirious until you're nothing but a choked and sputtering fool around his fingers.

"I won't ever leave you. I’m here," he cooed, stroking your hair and kissing your face as you bawled and shattered in his embrace. "I’m here ."

"So cry all you want."