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starseneyes · 1 year ago

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Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S2 Ep 1

Yes, folks, I am back with more Meta analysis of my unexpected-but-welcomed favorite ship of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. If you missed my Season 1 Meta, here's a handy link to my Spock/ Chapel fun!

Yes, we know from the TOS timeline that it all ends in tears. But I'm still wildly invested because Ethan Peck and Jess Bush are crushing these compelling scripts. If you're like me, you're going to have a blast with this one!

I hadn't decided if I was going to post weekly or all at once, but the poll was overwhelmingly for weekly. So, the weeks we get solid Spock/Chapel, I'll post a Meta. If it's borderline, I'll batch the episodes, instead.

SPOILER ALERT: I'm as liberal with spoilers as Spock is with Blood Wine. Don't click the Read More button if you want to keep your obliviousness intact!

Everyone clear on how this works? Huzzah! Let's dive in.

The Broken Circle

Feeling All the Feels in Sickbay

Spock sits in the observation area with Dr. M'Benga, still reeling from the events of the Gorn. It reminds me of T'Pol confiding in Dr. Phlox on Enterprise. Both Vulcans found themselves in similar situations—usually carefully-guarded emotions unleashed.

And both will have to learn to live with it.

For T'Pol, a part of her enjoyment of emotions was the new intimacy she found with Commander Tucker—Trip. For Spock, his growing attraction to Nurse Chapel is torture.

But I love the set up of Dr. M'Benga as confidant. He is the only one who knows both sides of what's happening, here, even if he doesn't have the details.

All of Spock and Christine's more intimate moments prior to this episode have been in a bottle, so-to-speak. Yes, T'Pring and the Serene Squal crew witnessed the fake-out-not-so-fake kiss.

But T'Pring wrote it off as part of deception, as did most of the crew (save Angel, who was actually paying attention).

None of the Enterprise crew was there to witness their lip-lock and subsequent unease. Nobody was listening in on their conversation in Sick Bay later. When she held him in the corridor, everyone else was at the wake for Hemmer.

To this point, Christine hasn't even spoken to Erica about Spock. She's kept it bottled up inside.

But Dr. M'Benga is observant. And he has a whole array of sensors (or sen-sores, if you're Spock) on our half-Vulcan/half-human boy.

As Spock plays notes and cords his fingers remembering the fundamentals of mathematics and music taught as a child, Dr. M'Benga monitors. Yes, that's helping. His heart rate is going down.

Until, whooosh, she walks back into Spock's life. And his heart rate shoots up. The discordant note rings out as Dr. M'Benga looks back to the monitor.

Spock's eyes follow and he awkwardly stands, trying to right the askew chair without looking back at it.

Chapel greets him without emotion.

"Lieutenant."

This is even more divorced from intimacy than her typical, "Mr. Spock". Because now they both know he has a growing attraction to her.

Before the hallway in 1x09, I think we could argue that Spock was not completely aware of it. Yes, he felt things in 1x07 with that kiss. But both T'Pring and Christine told him what he wanted to hear—it's not possible for him to have feelings for her.

But as he wrestled with the floodgate of emotions overwhelming him during Hemmer's wake, it was Christine who was there for him. She enveloped him in her arms, offering comfort and respite. She offered herself as a safe space in that moment.

And as they pulled away, I'm convinced they were still holding hands or she was holding his arm, based on how her arm swung as he departed. Spock didn't understand what he was feeling as he looked at her, but he knew he was feeling.

Spock made the choice to walk away that day because he knew he wanted to kiss her. And she knew it, too.

Christine has always been the one to put up hard blocks between them. He's a shipmate, and I doubt she sleeps with shipmates in her quest to avoid attachments. She certainly didn't want to be on Dever's ship!

And I get the impression she doesn't want to be the other woman. She doesn't even want a real relationship. They terrify her.

But Spock's a relationship guy. She already knows that because he's bloody engaged. So, she's going to do everything she can to create distance between them... even though we all know she feels something for him, too.

The awkward chair adjusted, Spock excuses himself. Christine's eyes follow him long after he's walked out the door and down the hall. Yes, she's putting up barriers... but only because she needs them as much as he does.

"Fascinating." "Isn't that typically his line?"

She's still looking his way. This awkwardness sucks because they actually have a pretty decent friendship. But it's necessary to keep the distance.

"It's just that when he saw you, I-" "Don't even." "No. No. I wouldn't."

These two are dear friends who have been through hell together. He knows her so well, and I appreciate that so much in this episode—their beautiful friendship.

I've replayed this scene over and over. I don't think it's likely she's confided in Joseph what happened in the hallway. But, I think she also knows he's got a unique view, here.

And he knows better than to meddle in her love life.

He also knew from the moment she walked in that she had more to discuss than coming on duty. That suggests to me that he properly took a read on the room—whatever this Spock/Christine thing is... it goes both ways.

Remember that as we work through this episode.

The Plan

Spock stands in front of the amassed group, speaking equally in all directions. What stands out is who he has assembled for this conversation. Most of them make perfect sense, right? Folks from the Bridge, the head of Sick Bay.

And Nurse Chapel. None of the other nurses have been invited to this shindig. But no matter what else is going on between them, Spock trusts her. He wants her there, to be someone to offer counsel, if needed, as she always has.

"What plan?" "I would have thought it obvious..."

Christine is standing on the other side of the island, putting some physical space between herself and Spock. But she's leaning toward him—all in.

He looks to her in surprise, then surveys the rest of the group to see if they are also confused. Yup. Spock managed to leave everyone out of his plan even as he's stating it.

"We must steal the Enterprise."

Look at our girl smirk. I saw a bunch of people post, "hijinks!" at that moment in the show, and it made me laugh. We know she's up for some hijinks.

"Stole the Enterprise? ... Wow. I would have lost so many bets." "Yeah, Vulcans can surprise you."

Christine is swelling with pride looking at him right now—her eyes not leaving him during this entire exchange. It was the right call, even if it technically was the wrong one.

And look at Spock staring back like a schoolboy basking in the radiance of his crush's attention. We both know she's been surprised by him on more than one occasion. But this time is different.

This time, he had to disobey a direct order to make the right call. That's a very difficult thing for any person to do, let alone someone who is half-Vulcan. Logically? This was a crazy call.

But it was the right call. And that's fucking sexy.

Also, there's a very personal edge to Christine's line and the way she holds Spock's gaze. This isn't the first time he's surprised her.

I think nothing surprised her more than his hand on her ass and his tongue in her mouth. Like, seriously, the guy can kiss. But, again, that's something only the two of them (from their crew) know about.

Now, others are getting to see just how surprising their resident Vulcan can be.

"Sir. What if Nurse Chapel and Dr. M'Benga on that ship?" "They thought it worth their lives to prevent another war. Logical."

Simultaneously this hurts like hell and feels like warm sunlight after a frigid night. Because from the point of view of everyone on that Bridge, Spock's words are pretty stark.

Void of emotion. Praising their logical choice of self-sacrifice. Ouch.

But we know beneath the surface, there's a volcano churning and waking, just waiting to erupt.

I think it also makes him care for her that little bit more. Not just that she's in danger, but that she's able to make such logical decisions where others might surrender to emotion. I think they're very evenly matched, there, at this point.

Christine shirks emotional attachments and love. She keeps a shield up around her heart and leans into logic. Spock was raised on Vulcan to be a Vulcan—attached to logic and devoid of emotion.

As he is grappling with the emotions unleashed in the wake of losing Hemmer and battling the Gorn, she is struggling to keep a cap on her own emotions—to keep him at a distance when more and more she wishes she could close it.

It's not a lack of desire that keeps them apart. Spock is engaged and doing his best to stay true to the promises he has made. He's never had to struggle to this degree before.

And Christine understands his struggle more than most—she witnessed him wrestling with it after crushing a bulkhead. She knows he struggled with judgment and derision growing up. She knows he doesn't know what to do about this.

So she's making the decisions for them, and that's a good thing.

"Photon torpedoes locked on the federation ship. Full spread. Mr. Spock?"

Watch his face. He knows he needs to order it. He knows what the logical thing to do is. But his emotions are getting in the way, like he feared.

"Not yet. Any signal from Nurse Chapel or Dr. M'Benga?"

And there it is. He's waiting. He's trying to wait it out long enough to give them a chance to escape. To give her a chance to escape.

"Mr. Spock, it's now or never." "Fire photon torpedoes."

The emotion in his voice. He knows this is what he has to do. It's the right call. But this time it feels wrong.

Spock closes his eyes. He can't watch it happen. He can't watch his order destroy the ship where she is.

He can't handle the impact of his emotions swirling and swimming within him, threatening to explode in the Captain's Chair as the False Flag Federation ship does in space.

He killed her. Of course, we know that he didn't. But he believes that in this moment where he chose to do the right thing... he killed her.

And we all saw how destroyed he was with his loosed emotions by losing Hemmer—a friend. Yes, Christine is a friend, but she's also his safe place, his confidant, the first woman he's ever desired in a Human way.

Notice I put that last. Because the connection he and Christine forged was over shared bullying, over her being a good friend and offering advice, over the two of them sharing hijinks and learning to trust one another.

The desire came in later. It's not desire for her that's destroying him right now—it's the severing of one of the deepest connections he's ever made in his life with another soul.

Christine has been there for him. She stood up for him. She helped him. She accepted him. She comforted him. They forged their bond strand by strand, and to have that cord suddenly severed... it's agonizing.

Spock's eyes finally open, and there are tears in his eyes as he beholds the destruction. He's holding back... but barely. It won't take much for those tears to spill.

"Sir, I'm detecting a Federation EV suit transponder."

Hope. It hits him hard, and he leans into it as he stands and strides off the bloody Bridge to meet them in the Transporter Room.

He doesn't know what he'll find when he gets there. It's a single transponder, right? Will he find M'Benga standing there without her? Find Chapel standing without M'Benga?

All he knows is that he has to be there. He can't hear about it secondhand from the Bridge. He needs to see it with his own eyes—whatever he's about to see.

Transporting to Enterprise

Visually, this is a stunning sequence with us wrapped in the transport with M'Benga and Chapel, then settling with Dr. M'Benga as he reaches helplessly for the out-of-focus, unconscious Christine. We're seeing through his eyes—the blurry vision of a friend who's too still.

We're at floor level when Spock rushes into the room. He can see M'Benga clearly moving, but zeroes in on the lifeless Christine.

He kneels on one knee and shakes her shoulders, hoping for a response, for some smart-ass comment. But none come. He shakes, again. Nothing.

He leans down to her lips, hoping to feel the rush of her breath, hear the exhale and inhale of life. But it doesn't come.

Now, I'm not going to get into the science of Spock's actions, because I've seen a lot of discourse about it, and smarter people than I can say what is feasible and not after 45 seconds in space. I'm only going to talk about Spock, Chapel, and M'Benga.

Spock laces his fingers together, and for the first time we see the perspective staring up at him. The voice is distorted—as though heard through a tunnel.

"I waited. I waited. I waited for you."

Oh my gosh. Spock just admitted to her that he held off on destroying that ship and stopping the restart of the war... for her. How very... human.

And, oh, how Spock's heart is breaking right now. He's desperate for her to know that he did what he could... that he didn't want to kill her... that he chose to hold off. He needs her to know.

And he doesn't even fully understand why, yet. I posit he's never experienced romantic love. Marriage to T'Pring is logical. He cares for her, but he does not love her.

He's falling in love with Christine... and he doesn't even realize it. He doesn't understand it. But when he thought she was dead, a part of him was dying, too. It was revived long enough for him to find her... lifeless.

No. This is not how this ends.

"You don't die. You don't die. You do not die."

It's a plea. A wish. A dream. And somewhere in her haze between life and death—she hears him. She feels him. She knows he's there.

A gasp escapes her lips and as it does, Spock collapses to the side, nearly on top of her, his leg that was holding him up as he administered compressions giving out.

The weight is gone. She lives.

His right hand goes to her shoulder, gripping as though releasing her would lead to losing her, once more. His left hand falls the other side of her as he leans on it for balance.

Christine focuses first on getting air back into her bloody lungs. But her second urge is comfort. She sees Spock hovering over her, knows he's the one who brought her back, and can feel his weight against her.

M'Benga smiles to see her breathing, again, and bears the only witness to this interaction (save the Transporter tech, who is apparently somewhere off-camera and not at all bothered by lifeless bodies).

Christine's hands both reach up, but one can't make it past a bent arm. Her right grips onto Spock's left arm, working its way up to cup his face.

Her fingertips graze his Vulcan ear as her thumb wipes away his Human tear. All parts of him, she accepts. And what a beautiful visual representation of that.

Spock is exposed, here. Completely vulnerable. Yes, the block that kept his emotions at bay has been removed. But he makes no attempts to conceal his pain and relief from Christine. He is wholly himself—for better or worse.

And Christine knows him. Much as she fights what is between them, right now, those lines don't matter. Neither of them is pretending.

She sees that even though she's the one who almost died, he's the one who needs comfort. And as her fingers linger as long as her strength remains, she quips.

"Why you gotta be so rough?"

Her hand falls to his shoulder, then his arm, and then down. Her strength is gone, spent on a moment of comfort for Spock... but not wasted. No, never wasted.

Because whatever this is, it's far from one-sided. Yes, they are both running from it, and for good reason. Spock is engaged. Christine doesn't want to tangle with that, or the threat of an actual relationship.

I mean, c'mon, Spock's clearly a relationship guy. That's not what Christine wants at this point at all.

But in this broken moment caught between life and death, they allow themselves that contact they would otherwise shirk—they allow themselves the moment.

SIDE NOTE: The instinct of Jess Bush to wipe that tear away is so fucking perfect. Do I know for certain that it wasn't in the script? No. But looking at the angles, that perfect falling tear isn't always there. So, I like to think Ethan Peck pulled out an amazing performance and Jess Bush's instincts kicked in and we got that stellar shot that says so much. And I'm grateful.

The door opens and others whisk in. Spock straightens, breaking away from the intimacy, but he holds his grip on her shoulder until Uhura's voice breaks through, calling him back to the Bridge.

Have you ever had someone in your life you could break around? Just completely break down and let all the stuff show without worrying about them judging you? That's what Spock's found in Christine.

He gave into that moment. He let the emotion flow. Yes, he's having trouble controlling it, right now, but we see him composed in the very next scene talking to the Klingon Captain. He can rein it in.

But with Christine he doesn't have to. He lets her see his brokenness. Lets her wipe away his tear. Lets her see his hurt.

He doesn't have to be anything in particular when he's around Christine. He doesn't have to worry about being too human or too Vulcan. He can simply be.

"You wanna know the worst thing about living almost forever?" "The loss of those you love." "Oh, you sweet, un-Vulcan Vulcan. No. That's a pain shared by all those who live with even a half-open heart."

This strikes me. Because while I don't know if I'd call what Christine and Spock share "love", yet, it is certainly a form of it.

Spock nearly lost her before they had a chance to figure out what it is. And while we all know it'll end in tears based on the TOS timeline, I'm still strangely addicted to finding out what happens next with these two.

And, not for the last time this episode, someone calls Spock out on being an abnormal Vulcan. And he appears to take ownership over that distinction a little more each scene.

Angel once told him that it wasn't about "what" he is but "who" he is. And though these emotions flowing freely are a pill, they are forcing him to confront that a little faster than he might've.

Sleeping Beauty

Spock stands over her bed, as if holding vigil while she sleeps. She's still recovering, still resting, still recuperating from her time in space. And much as he doesn't understand it, Spock knows he has to be there.

He has to reassure himself that she's living. He has to relive the moment of losing her, getting her back, losing her again, only to bring her back to life with his own hands.

With his words he killed her. With his hands he restored her.

And yet he still cannot believe it until he sees her there, in the flesh.

"Mr. Spock. I didn't hear you come in. Are you alright?"

It's almost a courtesy to even ask. He can tell from the man's posture that he is far from alright. In fact, I feel like M'Benga is almost giving Spock an out... the opportunity to deflect.

But he is still Vulcan... and lying isn't his strong-suit.

"Yes. I just..."

Because physically, he is alright. But emotionally, he's a wreck. M'Benga reaches out, placing a hand on Spock's shoulder. You can see him relax into his emotions just that touch more with the acknowledgement.

"She'll be fine."

She will. It's true. Someone else said it. And we know how much Spock values people telling him what he wants to hear.

But he's still crumbling. Because he knows, now, what it's like to lose her. Yes, it was only for a moment... but that moment destroyed him.

And, look, I'm not trying to be melodramatic. But Spock's emotions are running crazy, and we already saw what he was like losing Hemmer. He was unhinged. He was denting freakin' bulkheads.

He was angry about losing Hemmer. Losing Christine? He was devastated.

Hemmer was a friend. Christine is so much more. So, even though they're destined to burn out and it'll all end in tears... she's a part of him, now.

And losing her—even for a moment—tore into those fresh emotions like a hot knife through flesh. Burning, aching, agonizing.

Scars from something like that don't just disappear—even with dermal regenerators. Spock is going to be feeling the side effects of that moment for a while, yet.

"I'm not... I..."

Words fail him. Because he doesn't know what truth to tell. What truth this is. Because all of this is new, and it's frustrating, and it's confusing, and he's not sure what any of it means.

There isn't a nice, neat formula when it comes to love. It's messy. It's problematic. It's heartbreaking. It's chaotic.

"I have no words for what I feel."

Facing him fully, Spock puts a level of trust in M'Benga, here. And M'Benga sees just how upset Spock really is... to the point of tears.

"Yes," M'Benga breathes as they both look to Christine.

Spock tears himself away, turning over the same should he did when he left Christine in the corridor in 1x09.

The camera zooms in on Christine, turning a little fuzzy around the edges before cross-fading to Spock's fingers on the instrument... an expression of emotion, right?

And right now, he's overwhelmed with emotions for the blonde nurse who stood up for him against a bully. For the woman who refuted his belief that he was broken, and instead offered him comfort. For the person who bonded with him over childhood trauma, but isn't afraid to tell him plain truth when he needs to hear it.

He plays for himself as he tries to let the melody unwind all the tightly wound emotions choking him within.

This episode spent a lot of time establishing Spock's status as "not your typical Vulcan". The Klingon Captain calls it out. Pelia calls it out. And Spock himself affirms it.

He's still a Vulcan... but his humanity does make him unique.

And while M'Benga established that Spock's emotions are heightened due to his Vulcanness, he's approaching therapy from a Human angle—and it's working.

Is Christine Chapel more than a vehicle for Spock to explore his burgeoning emotions? Heck, yeah! I think this episode did a good job of establishing that for the season. A war veteran. A kick-ass fighter. A brave Human willing to give her life to prevent a war.

Yes, there's going to be more Spock/Chapel to come in this season... but the show did a good job of establishing early in episode 1 that there's so much more to her than that.

And even if she's destined to meet her future fiancé on bloody Vulcan (how cruel is that!?), I'm still excited to see what comes of her and her pointy-eared would-be suitor.

Where do we go from here? Heck if I know. But I do know that I'm enjoying the ride.

Thanks for reading! And I hope to see ya on the next.

#Spapel #Christine Chapel #Spock #Spock x Chapel #Nurse Chapel #Chapel x Spock #Jess Bush #Ethan Peck #Star Trek Strange New Worlds #Strange New Worlds #ST: SNW

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starseneyes · 1 year ago

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Spock / Nurse Christine Chapel - Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S2 Eps 8 & 9

So, I was gonna wait until the Finale to do another Meta, but then I saw all the Chapel hate coming out after 9, and I felt the need to insert my (uneducated) opinion.

SPOILER ALERT: Spoilers are like garlic for me. If the recipe calls for a clove, I'm adding a head. So, if you dare eat this Spanish/Ukrainian princesa's babaganoush, then this spoiler-filled Meta is for you!

Everyone clear on how this thing works? Brilliant. Let's dive in with kleenex in hand.

"Under the Cloak of War" AKA "You Had To Be There"

"The ally ambassador must have many interesting insights on delicate matters of diplomacy." ... "Christine." "What? Oh, you're doing the word game. Um, I'm sorry. I don't really have one right now."

The staging of this is so haunting and beautiful. Spock has his back to the situation, because he was never really apart of it. Spock didn't see the ravages of the Klingon War up close.

Christine faces it head-on, refusing to look away when it might be healthier for her. She shouldn't even be here. But the Veterans are forcing themselves to put on a good face for the sake of Starfleet.

And, ugh, that kills me inside. M'Benga writes it off, saying he's survived worse than polite conversation. True. But that doesn't make any of this right.

Spock is worried about his not-girlfriend, but he has no idea how to help her. He can't understand what she's been through, but she won't/can't help him understand.

And, please don't misread this as a criticism of Christine. She is under no obligation to help Spock understand. But he cannot understand it, and from his perspective, he's trying to. He never will.

"You are under duress."

Spock shifts from standing in front of her to standing alongside her. I love that choice. I don't know if it was writing, acting, directing, or something else. But it shows the shift in him turning that blind eye (intentionally or not) to standing with her.

Also, gosh, he knows her. He's observant of her. He's paying attention.

He wordlessly looks down to the glass in her hand.

"Quite understandable. I do not know much about your service in the war, but... I am available if you ever feel the need to share." "Yeah, I don't, so let's just change the subject, yeah?"

Her duress increased. The exact opposite of what Spock hoped to achieve in telling her that he was there for her.

"I just wish he would shut up for one second about all this amazing peace he's achieved." "I can help with that."

There's vulnerability in her eyes as she looks over to him, because she really doesn't want to close herself off to him.

She doesn't want to deal with all that she lost during the War. And, in a small part, what she's going to lose shortly based on Boimler's words.

Spock strides over to the Ambassador, inspired by Christine's previous words, "let's just change the subject" and he puts it into practice. As conversation shifts, he looks to her.

"Did I do right?" his eyes ask. Because all he wants is to help her. She offers him a small nod and smile in return. Yes, in a small way, this is actually helping.

"Okay, I'm gonna go see if she needs anything."

It sucks that their first time sitting alongside one another at a dinner now that they're dating is one... like this.

There's nothing to report here on them besides the fact that Christine takes the out to leave and check on Erica while Spock sits in his chair stewing over what he could have done differently to help.

Spock earnestly wants to help. He doesn't know how. And Christine doesn't know how to tell him what will help because nothing will help.

"I want to apologize for my part in last night's dinner." "You don't need to apologize. None of this is about you. You just see me going through something and our closeness makes you feel responsible."

Spock is still looking for some way to help her. But Christine is still living in moments long since passed. And he can't get there because he's never been there.

But, she's right. Their "closeness" factors into him wanting to help. We know from the future that Spock cares deeply about the people he holds closest and would do anything for them.

"You're not." "I understand." *Spock looks around to see no one there* "That is not true."

Spock steps into the corner and Christine leans against the wall. They both relax into their positions almost effortlessly, but they aren't alongside one another anymore. They aren't facing anymore. They're separated with feet planted almost perpendicular.

This is where their paths diverge. No longer towards one another. No longer alongside. This subtle blocking choice shows us we're at the beginning of the end.

"I am having difficulty watching you experience such obvious distress. I want to help."

I love the clear communication on his end. Truly! Spock is laying it all out for Christine.

"But it would appear all that I am doing is making it worse." "War, it doesn't leave you. It can, it can bury itself, but it's-it's always there."

And she's trying to give him insight. But how can she truly explain? She can't.

"I researched J'Gal. It was a forward operating base. The data suggests the loss of life was disproportionate-" "J'Gal is not a statistic, Spock. J'Gal is what it is. War, it makes sense if you've been there, but it will never make sense."

That last line. Wow. I have nothing to add.

"Like I've been trying to tell you, I just need some personal time."

Like you've been trying to... huh? She's not even looking him in the eye while she says this. Because she's taking this opportunity to take that "closeness" that makes him feel responsible for her and push it away.

Maybe she's been trying to say this, but not saying this. We know Christine's not the best at communicating what she wants in a relationship.

And we know that right now he is making it tougher on her. Even he realizes it. But what he doesn't know is that in giving her this space, now, he'll never regain back what he thought they had.

"I understand. You require personal time away from me."

And he'll give it to her. He'd do anything for her. For goodness sake, he almost started a war for her when he was still in a fully-committed engagement. Of course he'll give her space if that's what she needs.

He only hopes she'll close the gap when she's ready. But poor, sweet, Vulcan/Human boy... you aren't ready.

"Subspace Rhapsody" AKA "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart"

"Oh, I have to talk to Spock."

But. She. Doesn't. Christine doesn't like truth-filled conversations with the people she's dating. We know that this is a core flaw in her attempts at relationship—she has no idea how to effectively communicate with a romantic partner.

She's not going to talk to him... and instead he's going to stew (and eventually make his own stupid decision) because they're not communicating at all.

I feel like Christine was one of the best at communicating with Spock pre-romance. They built this really beautiful friendship. And even as they were in the early stages of their dating relationship, that connection still seemed strong.

But J'Gal tested them in a way neither predicted. And that would have happened whether or not Boimler dropped the future truth bomb.

Christine has a lot of PTSD that is unprocessed. And Spock lacks that understanding because he has never shared those experiences. I've seen relationships implode more than once when one partner had PTSD. It's brutal.

And enter this huge opportunity for Christine. She once told Spock that relationships are about mutual sacrifice, that one puts the relationship above work. But that's not how either Christine or Spock operate.

In a parallel universe, they could discuss this openly and honestly with one another. But this Spock and Christine have communication issues that they'll sadly never resolve (at least so far as we know canon).

"Unfortunately, we have had another communication failure."

Dana Horgan & Bill Wolkoff (the screenwriters of this episode), I love you. To have that line as the verbal cue to switch scenes was so bloody perfect, especially considering the state of the Spapel relationship. These two are definitely experiencing a communication failure.

"Is that transmission regarding Nurse Chapel's recent fellowship application? Was the news... favorable?"

Oh, dear, how long has he been giving her "personal time" that he's asking Uhura for updates?

"I don't look at personal correspondence." "Of course, that would be unethical."

And, look, he's not trying to spy. But he does want to know. And he wishes Christine would be the one to tell him. Our poor boy has been doing everything he can to help her—including giving her space.

But while he's been wishing to be close to her, again, she's been widening the gap.

"You and Nurse Chapel have become close, haven't you?"

Okay, so the whole crew isn't aware that these two are shacking up. But, we've seen Uhura be hyper-vigilante about the connection between Spock and Christine since Season 1. She was the first person to call it out.

And Spock really isn't sure what to say. In his mind, they are still an item, even if they aren't a "couple", right?

"I suppose it would be accurate to say that we are more than colleagues." "There's that classic Vulcan romance I've heard about."

She means it in a ribbing way, but it hurts. Uhura notices, and makes the adjustment, like any good communications officer would.

"Why don't you ask her about it?" "Of late, our communication has faced challenges."

Gosh, he needs this. In the absence of Christine, he needs someone he can talk to. Someone who can see the whole of him and truly listen. To make Uhura that foil considering the TOS-era friendship they seem to have makes total sense.

Spock Presses the Issue

It feels like Uhura and Spock both thought he'd be the one to sing when this was pressed. Was it a stupid move? Gosh, yes. But if characters didn't make mistakes, we'd scream and wail about their plasticity and lack of organic truth. They have to be flawed to be well-rounded.

But, Spock's mistake leads to one of the most energetic songs of the episode, and a lot of unspoken truths.

"Christine. Logic would dictate you are toasting good news regarding your fellowship. So, allow me to offer congratulations." "Thank you, Spock." "I am curious why you chose not to inform me. Was it an oversight? Or was it intentional?" "Can we, um, can we talk about this later?" "I am just curious."

Again, Spock pressing this in front of everyone was asinine. I'm not glossing over that. But her hiding it from him was stupid, too. They are both in the wrong in how they handled this situation.

But I truly believe Uhura though Spock would be the one to sing. They were trying to incite a song, and she could already tell he was o the verge of emotional when it came to Christine and this fellowship.

But, Christine busts out with absolute glee. And she deserves to be gleeful. A partner should never be her whole life.

And I truly believe she never would have told Spock in front of the entire bar under any other circumstances. We already set it up with La'an warning Pike and then Pike and Batel exposing themselves in front of everyone.

To borrow the phrase from Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist, these are "heart songs". These are things that dwell in the deepest part of selves that would never come out under normal circumstances.

Pike would still be lying to Batel. La'an wouldn't have run off to hide in her quarters because she was belting truths. And Christine would have dealt with Spock in her own time... even if that was still a bad choice.

The song forced Christine to share this truth.

And, gosh, there are so many lyrics in here that show Christine's state of mind. The validation. The freedom. The future that she already knows she doesn't share with Spock.

Christine has applied to something that only a handful of people get into every year, and this isn't a 2-month trip that she'd return from. This could be the start of an entirely new path for her. She may never come back to Enterprise.

And, from his perspective, I see how cold-hearted it seemed. But I do not begrudge her going after her dreams. I simply abhor that she cut Spock out entirely prior to this big musical number.

But... our characters have to make mistakes. Otherwise, we'd be watching "the perfect people" do nothing every week.

"If I need to leave you, I won't fight it. I'm ready."

She speaks the line the last time... "I'm ready." It's spoken outside of the song. She means it. And it crushes him.

He turns over that left shoulder... but away from her, this time. He's spent the entire song standing still while the world around him moved, while she moved the world with her words. And now he feels out of place in a realm where she thrives.

Her spark is ignited, while his flame painfully claws at the last threads of wick before dying.

Uhura and Chapel are the only ones who watch Spock go—who understand what really happened there. We don't see Christine's reaction, but we see Erica smiling up at her.

Christine meant it. She's ready to move on. But it does kill me that she doesn't try to go after him, to seek him out, to make sure he's okay.

Again, our characters have to make mistakes. They have to screw it up. And in how she handles breakups, Christine consistently screws up. It would be out-of-character for her to handle this one well.

Again, I don't blame her for breaking up with him via song. He pushed her to sing by pushing the issue. But her actions before and after are entirely her own just as much as his to push was his. They're both idiots.

"I didn't expect Christine to be so definitive about ending our arrangement."

He doesn't even refer to it as a relationship. But, since he's opened up to Uhura at the start of the episode about them being "more than colleagues", he feels freer to speak.

He also feels exposed.

"Relationships can be difficult, Spock, and you're Vulcan" "But I am also human."

Oh, my sweet boy. You finally got there. You finally learned to embrace both sides of yourself only to experience your first true heartbreak.

And now you'll endeavor to do what so many other humans have done before you—shut out the pain.

"I feel things differently. Bigger. I see her logic and, yet, I am hurt."

Gosh, the pain. Listen to his emphasis on "hurt". This is where Ethan Peck's vocal inflection and range really sing (pardon the pun).

Uhura has never seen this level of emotion from Spock. But they are becoming friends, which is welcome and needed for both their stories. And he's opening up in a way he won't, again, for a very long time, I suspect.

"I am left behind."

I hate to say it, but I imagine this is how T'Pring felt when he took off on their engagement night. There was always something Spock seemed to be choosing over her.

The difference is that Spock thought he and T'Pring's relationship could weather all his other duties. With Christine, that isn't even a possibility she's willing to entertain.

She's done. It's over. And he's hurt.

The Music Swells

Spock and Uhura lock eyes. They both know a song is coming on, but I love how he doesn't run away, and she stays there with him.

If anyone knows what it is to be alone, it's Uhura. She's the one who pressed him to press Christine, so she's not leaving his side, now.

And it's Christine's Song. It's their song. Oh, gosh, this hurts. I didn't call it right on them sharing a song in terms of a duet, but in this melody, they share the two sides of the same song—one elated, one defeated.

Though, Spock's in the minor key where Christine was in the major. So, even though the melody and rhythm are matching, the songs aren't quite the same, even in construction. Damn, this is masterful.

My husband, who started playing piano at age 5 and studied for 21 years, said they gave Spock and Chapel the "Les Mis" treatment, and I about died laughing. He's not wrong.

"This news really changes everything-"

Starting the same way, too, whew. This is already super painful. Christine's version was a boisterous, celebratory tune with raucous dancing, cheerful backup vocals, and lots of pageantry.

Spock is in the echo chamber of Engineering. Without Uhura, he would be utterly alone. But there's no one to sing with him. His voice rings out alone.

"I can't believe how wrong I've been. Convinced myself we shared the same feelings. I won't make that mistake, again."

And Uhura can't interject to tell him about interdimentional space and everything that Christine said there. It's not her place. But, damnit, communication would have changed this whole story.

"For her I set aside my need to analyze. Now I'm wrecked and searching for Why. I'm the Ex."

Beautiful play on words. Though, I'll admit a small part of me was mentally breaking into the Calculus song from 2gether (yes, I'm that old).

While the other song was more hilarious, this one's eloquently and agonizingly crafted. It makes so much sense that our favorite Science officer is merging math and music, as only the best STEAM students can.

"I've got no one but myself to blame. I betrayed my core philosophy. Unending reason must be my true north, lest I drown in this sea of pain."

Imagine you've grown up in a constricted world and when you finally decide to break out of that and test the waters, your boat is capsized by the person you trusted to help you steer.

Spock took a great risk with this relationship, and he knew it. But he never predicted it would end like this. Yes, Christine was upfront with not wanting to label it and not wanting to tell Starfleet. She didn't pretend in any way.

But Spock still hoped. And now that hope's been dashed.

I think a lot of us have been there—having our hearts broken by someone we really trusted. Gosh, I remember my first boyfriend.

He broke up with me over the phone on my birthday, which happened to be the week of Prom. Oh, and he was cheating on me because two months in on my first relationship I wouldn't sleep with him. We still went to Prom together because I thought I could win him back.

Seventeen-year-old Rachel wasn't that bright. But she was hurt. And she had hope that she was wrong to be guarded, that it was okay to let those walls down a bit and let someone in.

"I'm so dysfunctional, weak and emotional, feelings I just can't contain. Escaping this misery, you're breaking free, not a possibility.

Uhura's brow furrows as she listens to him talking about himself so harshly.

"Weak and emotional" is a gut-punch to me considering how a season ago in episode 9 Spock was lamenting his weakness while Christine cupped his face and told him it was his emotions... and that they didn't make him weak... they made him human.

"I solved for Y in my computation but missed vital information, the variable so devastating... I'm the X."

Watch how he looks to Uhura mid-phrase. He nearly forgot she was there listening to him bare his soul. But he can't stop it as it's flowing out. He has to finish the song, no matter how painful.

"I'm the ex."

He speaks the line the same way Christine spoke her last line. Because, it's real. It's true. And it hurts like hell.

"I am sorry."

He's near tears, again, and it's all wrong. So far this season Christine, M'Benga, the transporter chief, and now Uhura have seen the Vulcan near-tears or crying. He can't have that, now. Before, he allowed himself the vulnerability. He tested the bounds of his humanity.

Never again. He refuses to let himself be hurt like that, again.

"So far, we've only witnessed people being torn apart by this event." *pointed camera on Spock*

Look, we all knew this was coming, right? This story is set in canon, and canon dictates and Spock and Christine are not together in TOS-era.

And Spock has already started to bottle up those emotions that plague him. We saw that he can pull it together quickly enough, as demonstrated in the season opener.

Yes, this will take work, but he's willing to do whatever it takes to never feel this pain, again.

The Missed Moment

At the end of the big musical number, everyone's feeling connected and elated. There's hugging and congratulations. But when Christine turns to Spock, there's a wall there.

She didn't expect that. You can tell she didn't expect him to wall her off so swiftly, though it's not entirely unexpected. And she's not going to chase after him.

But it still hurts. I mean, we all saw how broken-hearted she was at Boimler's news that she wasn't even a footnote in Spock's written story.

And I posit that's part of why this isn't harder for her—she's been letting go for weeks. Pulling away. Making space. But Spock's had mere moments to wrestle with the consequences of giving into weakness.

A few weeks ago, he would have been laughing and hugging with all of them. He was reveling in testing the waters of his humanity while basking in the love of this beautiful, human woman. So much changes in the course of a few weeks.

Look, I'm thrilled for Christine. I am definitely not a woman who thinks any woman should change her plans for a man. But celebrating with her friends over champagne before telling Spock was tacky.

And I'm not excusing him pressing her in front of their friends for an answer. While he did it under the guise of duty (and we all know how married Spock is to duty), it was a bad call.

But they're both in the wrong. Spock was right at the beginning of the episode—their communication is a problem.

And, now, their paths are potentially, permanently diverged. I say potentially because there are dozens of possibilities.

Maybe they try, again, but something external pulls them apart. Maybe they get together in another timeline. Maybe years after TOS they reunite. We can dream, right?

In the season finale, there'll be awkwardness between them, I'm sure. This looks like the Gorn issue is coming to a head, and we know from early promos that there's footage of the pair of them together in space suits.

Will it be a final coda on their relationship? I suppose we'll find out together.

There were so many little things that made me squee during this episode. Paul Wesley's voice reminding me so very much of 1960's-era Disney princes, the Gilbert & Sullivan reference, the Buffy-coded Bunny reference, Uhura's amazing earrings that were giving me major Nichelle Nichols vibes, the raucous joy of Chapel's number, the crispness and clearness of Chistina Chong's vocals, M'Benga's surprising range, the varying styles and eras... so much. I could go on and on and on.

And, I'd be so remiss if I didn't call out two things in this episode that took my breath away beyond the obvious Spapel:

"You see the connections between us when all we see are the empty spaces."

This line skewered me so beautifully. I'm a communications person. I have two degrees in it. I held together a group of friends who met at college orientation through our four years of school, and we've been together over 20 years, now.

This line is so beautiful and so meaningful. I will think of it often. Because we need people like that in the world. They're the connective tissue.

And this line captures why so beautifully with so few words. That's masterful. In a season that's all about connectivity and communication, this line stands out.

Celia Rose Gooding

No quotes needed. She's simply sensational. I like to think Nichelle Nichols is looking down on her with a proud smile on her face. Her entire solo I had chills.

Yes, there was another episode this season that focused on Uhura, but I really feel like this was her show.

We saw how she flawlessly handled all of the communications issues early, how she worked beautifully with Spock, how she cut loose with her friends with a musical number while working, and how she ultimately saved the day.

She is a marvel to watch, and I'm so grateful she had an opportunity to shine as she did in this episode. I've loved her performance up until now, but this episode is the one where I was completely wowed. What talent!

Truly, everyone was amazing this week. Yes, she was a stand-out, but everyone poured their hearts and souls and songs into this. It shows. And it's magical as a result.

My predictions for this episode weren't quite right, but the spirit sadly was. Now we get awkwardness next week in space suits. We all know how that ended for B'Elanna Torress and Tom Paris, but I doubt Christine and Spock will have such a positive experience.

Maybe some sort of resolution, but Spock's declared he won't make the same mistake, again. He's walled off that part of himself already. Christine won't be able to access it, again.

Unless, of course, I'm completely wrong and Season 3 opens with them in a parallel universe where these crazy kids get it right. But, what fun would that be?

Look, we all make mistakes. Characters make mistakes. They can't magically be completely different versions of themselves because it suits a happy ending. We all knew this wasn't a happily ever after story.

We knew it'd be messy and painful. We knew it'd end in tears. But, the writers, directors, and performers (not to mention the rest of the incredible crew) have given us something really beautiful, here. It's achingly beautiful. What a privilege to witness it.

Thanks for reading, my friends. Be kind to one another. Build one another up. And never forget that you have intrinsic value and worth that nobody can take away.

Look for the connections in the empty spaces. They're there. We're here. And you are not alone.

#Strange New Worlds #ST: Strange New Worlds #SNW #Christine Chapel #Spock #Spock x Chapel #Chapel x Spock #Nurse Chapel #Ethan Peck #Jess Bush #Meta #Spapel #Spock x Christine

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