#change can be scary
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hypnagogic-marshmallow · 1 year ago
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it's ok if ur processes change btw. it's ok if your coping mechanisms and systems stop working the way they used to. it took me a long time to realize, but...
that doesn't mean you had it wrong. it doesn't mean you failed somehow.
those things carried you as far as they could. maybe one day they'll work again. maybe they won't.
but you'll find something new. don't worry. deep breaths.
and until then, remember to be kind to yourself. you're on a quest to find new things. the path can be rocky enough; you don't need to be throwing more stones into your own way.
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error-area · 2 years ago
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End of an era
while I’m still in denial about The Arcana and it’s new app. It’s time to accept that their stories are a hit and some can be misses, don’t get me wrong at first I myself didn’t want to accept Dorians app to Arcana. Eventually it didn’t hurt to try and I did get a good read, we got fan stories too and for us readers as well. I also heard they’re trying their best to copy what The Arcana game looks like Interface wise. I’ll miss The Official Arcana App but sometimes change is good and it will start off bumpy but eventually turn smooth
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bacchuschucklefuck · 6 months ago
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soon it'll be dawn again
transcript under the cut ⏬
page 01
Fig: no way? - you're still up?
Riz: Wh– yes?
Riz: Why'd I not be.
page 02
Fig: I me~~ean - that took.
Fig: whole day.
Riz: Yeah?
Fig: 'm beat.
Riz: you should sleep.
page 03
Fig: nah. my guy's still up
Fig: I wanna hang out.
page 04
Riz: That's really nice.
Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.
Riz: … yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.
page 05
Fig: yeah, but you do it…
Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.
Fig: That's right… - though. Yeah.
page 06
Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.
Riz: … - mm.
page 07
Riz (off screen): …It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so nice– - or. - kind.
Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.
page 08
Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world's– not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.
Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can now… 
page 09
Fig: Hey.
Riz: ?
Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.
page 10
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)
Fig: o yea.
Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.
page 11
Fig: here u go
page 12
Riz: uh
Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.
Fig: I'll show u
page 13
Fig: just– yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, then–! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try
Riz: uh - What. do I carve?
Fig: anything!!!
page 14
Fig: and– yep just seal the inside uh. seam?
Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?
Fig: haha - watch this.
(sound effect text): FWOO—MP
page 15
Riz: WH– DON'T JUST DO THAT???
Fig: Now it's fired!
Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE
Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)
Fig: ok catch!
Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!
Fig: dw no need haha
page 16
Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warm…
Fig: now I want you to throw this.
page 17
Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon
page 18
Riz: wh– - It's like 3AM right now
Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise
Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?
Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u
Riz: but
page 19
Fig (off screen): RIz.
page 20
Fig: I've done all this before.
Fig: Can you trust that at least?
page 21
Riz: no, I– - I do. - I trust you.
page 23
Riz: okay what happens now
(sound effect text): glob
page 24
Fig: we do it again!
page 25
Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)
Fig: see! you're already learning
Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.
Fig: Things change.
page 26
Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist
Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.
page 27
Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.
page 28
Fig: So?
page 29
Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#riz gukgak#figueroth faeth#technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up#for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight#and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl#I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player#fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish#lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash#for a While lol. it was scary!!#had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure#truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true#you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there#this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time#nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!!#there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh#well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months ago
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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drenched-in-sunlight · 3 months ago
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i don’t think it’s talked about enough that the reason there’s a Godwyn ending where he becomes a Lord (not a God) is because symbolically, he was mirroring Godfrey in more than just name.
Godwyn’s alive body sprouting fish tail and scales isn’t just a random design choice, it’s a reference to Confucius' The Book of Rites, where it’s stated that the subjugation of the Four Divine Beasts will grant the person who tamed them different kind of control:
- Dragon -> control over animals with scales (specifically, FISH. See?)
- Qilin (Lion) -> control over beasts (think of how the Hornsent coveting the power of the Crucibles via the lion dance ritual. The “lion” in lion dance is Qilin in the native language of Asian countries that celebrate that tradition. And it’s why Godfrey’s symbol is a lion, why lion imagery plays such important role in Elden Ring world)
- Phoenix -> control over birds
- Turtle -> control over the heart of men (this might be a reach but Miquella’s connection to the Carian family and thus, the Turtle Pope could be a nice parallel to this)
in Godfrey’s cut dialogues, he said “Dearest Marika is precisely what I must take back” and “Dear Marika, do not fear. I am returned.”, and even without all that, The Talisman of Lord’s Bestowal stated that Godfrey accepted his duty without any sign of wavering, even taking Serosh upon his back so he could conduct himself as a Lord worthy of her. Bro, he loves that girl, he passed Messmer’s vibe check with flying colors.
For Godwyn to be a fruit of such a loving union, i do think Godfrey instilled in him a sense of duty to protect his Mother, and there’s his own love and devotion to her as well. Leyndell Knights all use Dragon Cult incantations and buffs - the kind of power that is only available to them because Godwyn befriended Fortissax (which is why i said that move has an ulterior motive to it).
All of that brings me to this main point I’m trying to make: does Godwyn really that devoid of agency?
I see it’s a popular interpretation in the fandom that oh Godwyn was just a symbol, he had no voice, we never knew what he wanted, etc etc… Do we really not know though?
Sorry for slapping another fandom on this, but this is really relevant to my understanding of Elden Ring as a story, even with the base written by a Western author, was developed by a Japanese team of storytellers and designers:
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The concept of soul - body and body snatching etc etc exists a lot in Asian media, and there’s always a general consensus that the body remembers even as the soul perishes. What is Godwyn’s body is doing? The game specifically states that his body is alive. He only perishes in soul.
He was infesting the Erdtree’s roots, spreading Death around like free real estate. If he wanted to let go of life, of his Mother, his body should have just let go on its own. But no, he was tenaciously clinging to the Erdtree, to Marika.
Even Fortissax remembrance stated that despite its best effort, it could not fight back the Death within its friend. If Godwyn really, truly wanted to embrace a true death, would his body just let Fortissax fight alone in an uphill battle like that?
Then there is the DLC revealed that Godwyn’s personal knights were in LoS to find and guard his cadaver surrogate, specifically for the Age of the Duskborn. Their helm stated that their loyalty to him is unbroken. So will they just go and do something that their Master would not want?
These Knights are literally an elite circle that was bestowed the most precious of jewels in Godfrey’s time (the +3 medallions), they aren’t merely good, they are the very best. They are Godwyn’s inner circle the same way the Fire Knights are said to be the ones who know Messmer best.
Even if you think Fia and Those Who Lived in Death were just taking advantage of Godwyn’s death… her endgame goal technically did not even succeed. She wanted to be Mother to TWLiD, but the ending very much shows that the Mending Rune was returned to Marika’s womb. It’s her who would birth Godwyn a second life, so the True Mother™ to TWLiD… would actually be Marika 💀
Like, am i the only one who saw this as some real crazy 4D chess Uno reverse move from Godwyn? Oh these ppl wanted to get rid of him then took advantage of his body? Fine, he would take that challenge and run a mile with it. If Age of Duskborn came, it meant Ranni didn’t succeed, Fia didn’t actually get to be Mother of TWLiD, Death - the very thing that Marika tried to seal, would now be something within her control, because Godwyn is its Lord now. Exactly like how the Dragons’ power became something wielded in Marika’s favor in the end. Thanks to him.
In the Duskborn ending, bro, the God would still be Marika. It’s the only possible new Age involving a demigod that doesn’t get rid of her. Even if it utilize heretical powers to get there.
And the crazier thing? This is not the first time Fromsoft did this, btw.
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skunkes · 11 days ago
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idk
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aj-artjunkyard · 3 months ago
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ToA daemon AU where humans have daemons but gods dont. Gods aren’t people and don’t have souls. They still have animals which are associated with them, but they’re just symbols. 
Apollo, as Lester, gets a daemon for the first time. He didn’t have a daemon for his previous human punishments since he was a god in mortal form - now he is a full mortal. 
At first he thinks the unbearable pain in his chest is just the broken ribs from his free-fall from Olympus. After the fight with the muggers and his introduction to Meg, he finds he can’t walk ten steps from the dumpster he landed in without collapsing. 
Meg rolls her eyes at his utter bafflement as he squawks about being on the brink of death. She and her small hare daemon cast their gazes about the alley, then in the dumpster. She reaches in and pokes something, and Apollo gags in pain. Meg seems satisfied, and announces that he can’t leave because his daemon is stuck in the dumpster. Apollo snaps that he doesn’t have a daemon, he is a god! Gods are self-sustaining, they do not rely on puny- ack! Meg had poked the thing again.
Frustrated, Apollo pulls himself up to investigate and explain to this silly mortal why whatever-it-is in the dumpster cannot be his daemon. Then he sees it. 
It’s a tiny white mouse. Suddenly he notices the pain in his chest is not just broken bones, but a distinct emptiness. Something is missing. As soon as he locked eyes with the mouse, he knew that it was supposed to be filling that hole. 
Apollo had been associated with mice for some millennia. He had been called Apollo Sminthius since before the siege of Troy; Lord of Mice. They were useful for spreading plagues, and rather cute, but not something he’d ever thought of as similar to him. He was no mouse! He was a mighty lion, a sweeping falcon! He was a god, the very top of the food chain! He was no ones prey! 
But there it was. A tiny, insignificant creature that looked as if it belonged in the dumpster. Not unlike Lester Papadopoulos. Perhaps Apollo was a great dragon or a fearsome wolf, but he supposed, with crushing disappointment, that Lester was about as close to a mouse as any living being could get. 
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sergle · 6 months ago
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you bitches have got to watch Scavengers Reign if you haven't yet, i'm only a few episodes in and it's already completely unlike anything else i've ever seen
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peachyvillian · 5 days ago
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ok so can you guys tell terry is my fav kiddad. Yea err. tugs at my collar. anyway scary and terry’s relationship make me so sad and . Insane generally because of their parallels
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ithinkdogshouldvote · 1 year ago
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Rouge-like tendencies, courtesy of grandpa
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whumpitisthen · 25 days ago
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Masterlist
Grab your character and shove their head underwater. Keep them pinned until they breathe in the water. Pull them up and let them splutter and cough. Push them under again. Pull them up. Let them use their precious seconds of air to beg. "Ple-Please, please stop — " Push them under again. Feel them squirm. Pull them up sooner; they couldn't hold their breath long enough. Once more for good measure. Don't let them up until they nearly suffocate. Pull them up and throw them to the ground, let them cough up all the water they swallowed. Pull them into your lap. They are shivering, the cold water having seeped deep into their bones. They are crying. They are going to try to pull away. Don't let them. Hush them gently. Card through their hair. Let them relax under your hands. Then drag them back over to the water. Put their nose right above the surface and keep their head right there. Let them imagine how it will feel to be pushed under again, held there, pulled up just so they can drown again. They will fight, they will sob, they will plead and barter and yell. They will be scared. Answer them with an order. "Take a deep breath for me." Watch them struggle to decide if they should. They probably won't be able to take one deep enough if they tried. Push them under. Watch them squirm. Repeat.
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implied-divinity · 6 months ago
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im feeling sappy tonight. shoutout to the baby tboys begging to be forcemasced. one day you will become the man you want to be. within the kink its wonderful when another man grabs you by the shoulders and pushes you headfirst in. its wonderful to share in the joy he felt when he started. in reality know youre afraid. it takes guts to let yourself be who you want. dont take your feelings lightly and let yourself explore. you are not alone but its also up to you. take care. much love.
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anonymous-dentist · 8 months ago
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Or: In a world where everybody has a superpower, Roier doesn't seem to have one
For day five of @smallchaoscryptid's Spiderbit Week- Superheroes/Blood
-
Cellbit's dreams are always dark. They start with him in his childhood bedroom, and then they move him down to the kitchen his parents died in, and then they end with him under the bridge. The sounds are muffled, but he can still understand what's being said, and it's always: "It's your fault."
Because it is.
He's had the same dreams since the night his parents died.
Every.
Goddamn.
Night.
But, well. He deserves it. The darkness surrounding the edges of his dream blurs out the unimportant details, like the face of the little girl who was sitting at the kitchen table when Cellbit's parents died, or the view outside of his bedroom window.
But the darkness hides something else- and this is a recent development, and he really doesn't understand it. Because, just out of view, is a figure in all black with eyes that glow white and claws that tear through Cellbit's dreams like they're paper.
He doesn't know who, or what, this thing is, but he does know a few things about it:
The creature destroys Cellbit's nightmares, sending his subconscious tumbling into a much happier dream- one that he can never remember when he wakes up
The creature tries to talk to him every time, but the fangs in its mouth are so large that it just can't
The creature seems to grow taller and stronger with every nightmare it destroys.
The creature is scared of Cellbit's husband
Now, yeah, sure, the creature can't talk, but Cellbit doesn't need to hear someone speak to know what they're afraid of. That's his superpower: fear. He can look at someone and hear what they're scared of, and he can make them scared, and it's horrible and he's a monster and he deserves to-
Cellbit gasps his way into full consciousness. He stares at the ceiling, chest heaving, brain loud and annoying and and and and-
"Gatinho?" Roier murmurs, curled up by Cellbit's side with his head pillowed on Cellbit's chest. He wraps an arm around Cellbit's middle and squirms closer, somehow, he's so clingy.
"Está bem," Cellbit breaths. "Just... just thinking."
"Well, don't," Roier grumbles. "Your brain is loud. Sleep, pendejo."
As if on command, Cellbit's eyelids droop. Roier always has this effect on him; he's just so comforting. He's a living, breathing weighted blanket, and Cellbit loves him so fucking much.
Soon enough, he's asleep again, and he's face-to-face with the creature again.
The creature tries to speak, but no noise comes out.
It flexes its claws as Dream Cellbit starts the walk downstairs to the kitchen.
The dream is shredded, and Cellbit finds himself face-to-face with-
-
Roier and Cellbit have been married for almost one whole entire wonderful year. He's known Roier for one and a half years, and he's been out of prison for two years.
Roier knows about the creature in Cellbit's dreams, even if Cellbit hasn't told him what his dreams actually are. Roier's been trying to come up with a name for it for months now, but Cellbit doesn't really know what to think of that considering the creature is literally invading his brain every night.
"It's kind of sweet, though, right?" Roier asks.
Cellbit wrinkles his nose and jabs his chopsticks down into his rice.
Dinner tonight is Chinese takeout because Roier's tired from work and Cellbit is tired from existing. It's good, but kind of bland. Since they changed ownership and ended up under the Federation of Heroes' official branding, the food has gone downhill. Yet another thing that Cucurucho has ruined, ugh.
"I mean, maybe?" Cellbit replies. "It's kind of freaky."
"I don't know, it kind of sounds cute."
Cellbit gives Roier a flat look; Roier just grins and steals some chicken from his plate.
"It's destroying my dreams," Cellbit says. "That doesn't sound 'cute' to me."
"Yeah, but doesn't it give you different dreams?" Roier asks. "I think it's trying to help."
"Yeah, or it's trying to kill me."
Roier's shoulders tighten. "Do you think so?"
It's always hard to pick up Roier's fears, but Cellbit can often just guess them even without using his powers. Like, he knows that Roier is just scared enough of bears to refuse to go camping anywhere without a cabin for him to stay him. He and Cellbit are both terrified of losing each other, and they're even more scared of losing their kids.
God, Cellbit is so stupid. He doesn't need to be worrying Roier with this, he already freaks out enough when Cellbit ends up caught in the middle of one of the Federation's hero fights due to his abysmally terrible luck.
His face falls. He places his chopsticks down and reaches across the table and takes Roier's hand in his.
"It'll be fine," he tells Roier. "If it tries to kill me, I'll just... wake up."
"If it tries to kill you, I'll kick its ass," Roier swears.
He squeezes Cellbit's hand once and offers a lackluster smile.
Cellbit's heart twists in his chest. Oh, Roier...
-
The night's dream starts as usual:
Cellbit opens his eyes to find himself in his childhood bedroom in his childhood body. There aren't any bloodstains on his clothes yet, though that'll change soon enough.
He tries looking out the window, but that isn't what he did that night, so anything beyond the window is covered by the darkness.
There's a growl, and then the creature forms in the shadows near Cellbit's bed. (There are always two beds in his room, but why?)
"What do you want?" Cellbit tries to ask, but that isn't what he did that night.
Instead, and in a squeaky childish voice, he groans and shouts, "This sucks! I can't figure it out!"
He's at his desk. In front of him are multiplication tables he's supposed to be doing for homework, and they're easy enough that Adult Cellbit could do them now, but that isn't what happened that night. So the problems look like random lines and squiggles, and Cellbit's chest hurts, and he can't breathe, and-
"I can't do this!" he shouts, jumping off of his chair and pulling his homework with him. "Mãe!"
He reaches his door, has his hand on the handle, and then... there's the creature by his side shredding the door into pieces with its claws.
Cellbit blinks, and he's an adult again, and he's in a different dream, and he turns to the side and he's face-to-face with-
-
Roier is one of the few people Cellbit has ever heard of that doesn't have a superpower. He seems happy enough without one, but... but Cellbit thinks that he's lying. He isn't angry that Roier is lying, though. No, he understands, because he himself lied about not having powers until they'd been dating for six months.
In the back of his mind, Cellbit has a few ideas of what Roier's secret superpower could be. The only one he says out loud is, "I know what your power is. You're super handsome!"
But, in order, it goes:
Extreme endurance (evidence: goes for long runs every morning and ends up back in bed sweating and tired by the time Cellbit wakes up)
Can always cook the perfect meal (evidence: he's just really good at cooking)
Comfort aura (evidence: Cellbit always feels happy and cozy and safe when Roier is around)
Super strength (evidence: he's really strong)
But, well. None of those quite work, mostly because the majority of them are just early excuses for thinking Roier was attractive back before they started dating.
Tonight as Cellbit brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed, he thinks up a new idea:
Vocal projection (evidence: he's loud as fuck when he's singing in the shower)
Because, yes, Roier is, indeed, in the shower, and he's singing very loudly. But, really, Cellbit wouldn't have him any other way. He's perfect.
"Hey, guapito," Cellbit says after rinsing his mouth out. "I need your help with something?"
Roier cuts his song off with an irritated groan. "Now? I was almost to the chorus!"
"Desculpe. But you're better at naming things than I am, and I need help coming up with something to call the creature in my dream diary."
"You have a dream diary?"
"I'm starting it tonight. I'm going to figure this thing out."
"That's cute!"
Cellbit can see Roier's silhouette shaking with silent laughter through the shower curtain. Wordlessly, he opens the curtain so he can take the shower head down and spray Roier with it.
"It's serious," Cellbit says, ignoring Roier's screeching protests. "I think it's messing with my head."
"Put that down- vete a la verga, fuck!"
Roier bats at Cellbit's hands until Cellbit lowers the shower head.
And then Roier yanks the shower head away from him and sprays him with it.
"Pendejo!" Cellbit shouts. (Not the best swear word, but it's all he could come up with on such short notice.)
He skitters away from the shower and looks, horrified, down at his soaking wet pajamas.
"Whoops," Roier plainly says. "Guess you'll just have to sleep naked tonight."
He grins, and Cellbit hates him. He wants to kiss him soooo badly!
So he does, and it's nice.
A few minutes later as they crawl into bed, Roier says, "Hey. I have a name for your monster."
Cellbit looks at him. "Yeah?"
"Call it Venom. It's, like, dissolving your dreams, right? Like poison?"
Brain poison, hmm.
Cellbit grabs his brand new dream journal off of his bedside table and opens it. Right on the first page is a long, detailed description of his dream. Right below it is a description of the creature as well as a really messy drawing.
'Venom', he writes.
...What a specific descriptoin. "Dissolving your dreams", not quite how Cellbit has been describing it.
He glances at Roier out of the corner of his eye.
Hm.
-
The first part of the dream goes normally.
And then Cellbit is downstairs at the kitchen table with his parents. There's also a girl there, but Cellbit hadn't looked at her face that night, so she doesn't have one now.
"I can't do it," Cellbit whines. He balls his hands into fists and fights the urge to smash his own face into the table.
"You can," his father insists. "You're a smart kid! Why don't we take a break."
He gets up from the table and goes to cut some watermelon.
Cellbit knows what's about to happen next. But he can't close his eyes, because his eyes were open that night.
"Let's try one more time, okay?" his mother asks.
He sniffles and nods.
He looks down at the problems. He can't understand him, he's so stupid. He's so stupid! Why can't he be like [her]?! She's good at math. She's even finished her homework.
His vision starts to blur. He can't see. He can't- he can't breathe oh fuck he can't breathe why can't he breathe what why can't he
A scream.
He looks up and watches his father finish plunging his watermelon-cutting knife into his own stomach.
"Pai!?" the girl screeches.
"I can't do it," Cellbit's mother whispers. "I'm a failure. I can't do it."
She wrestles Cellbit's pencil from his hand and raises it to her eye and-
Cellbit gasps as a clawed hand rips the table into pieces in front of him.
As the dream shifts and as his body turns back into his own, he's pulled by the creature- by Venom- into a loose hug. Its claws dig into his back, but they don't hurt.
He looks up, and he finds himself face-to-face with-
-
Roier was the first person that Cellbit let himself get attached to after he was released from prison.
He'd met Roier by pure chance, and it was love at first sight. He was just so... and he's still so...
"Does this dress make my ass look big?" Roier asks, posing in front of Cellbit in a way that most people would probably call sexy.
...perfect.
They'd met at their mutual friend, Maxo's, club. Roier wasn't on the pole that night, he was instead working the bar, and he and Cellbit hit it off immediately.
The next time Cellbit had been gone, Roier wasn't there, but his 'cousin' was. Melissa, according to Roier, owns half of the club.
And then, seven months later while rummaging through Roier's closet looking for a hoodie to steal, Cellbit had seen one of Melissa's dresses, and, well. Cellbit isn't stupid, okay? But he hadn't said anything because he didn't want to break Roier's trust, and he lives by that idea even now almost two years after their marriage.
If Roier wants to tell him something, he will. It isn't Cellbit's place to push.
Cellbit checks out Roier's ass appreciatively.
"Everything you wear makes your butt look big," he replies.
Roier nods and smiles, more than content with that answer, and he goes to the other side of his dressing room to start putting his makeup on.
Cellbit tries to make it to every one of "Melissa's" shows. He's a good husband, he wants to support Roier in everything he does.
...And he can't sleep anymore unless he has Roier by his side. Does that make him clingy?
He yawns, anyway, and he leans back and slumps in his chair. He might move to the dressing room's sofa, he's exhausted. (He might not be able to sleep without Roier, but he can rest his eyes, at least.)
"Is it okay if I stay back here?" he asks. "I need to lay down."
Roier glances at him through his mirror, concern lining his face. "Are you okay?"
Cellbit waves his concerns aside. "I'm just a little tired. I don't think I'm going to fall asleep, but I don't want to accidentally pass out during your show. That would be bad for business."
Roier's eyebrows furrow, just slightly. "Are you sure?"
"I mean, if it's okay-"
"No!" Roier cuts him off so quickly that he even seems to surprise himself. "I mean. It's okay, but you might not be comfortable. I can try and find you a pillow?"
His voice is shaking, just slightly. Hm.
"Nah, I'm good," Cellbit replies. He shrugs his jacket off and balls it up in his arms. "I've slept in worse places before."
"If- if you're sure, then go ahead."
Something feels... off. Maybe it's just because Cellbit is tired, but something is just. Weird.
But Roier eventually leaves the dressing room, though not without giving Cellbit a big fat messy lipstick-covered kiss on the lips.
Cellbit moves to the sofa, and he pillows his head on his jacket, and he closes his eyes, and he... he falls asleep. Just barely, because his dream is a faded memory around him, but. But.
But Venom isn't there.
-
The third stage of the dream is the coldest. It gnaws at Cellbit's brain, because it was the middle of January when his parents died. He was alone and under the bridge and covered in blood and absolutely freezing.
The dream doesn't ever go on past the bridge. He always just sits there shivering until he wakes up unless Venom shows up.
So he sits, and he shivers, and he waits to wake up. His body is crying, and the tears are freezing to his cheeks. He can't breathe. He can't stop thinking of... of... fuck, who is that girl? The one who chased Cellbit out of the house. The one with no face but the same voice as him.
A police car speeds over the bridge above him. It's going to his house, he knows this. The morning after the bridge, he snuck back towards his house, and the police car was still there. So was the girl. So were his parents bodies, wrapped in sheets and being carried to a Federation-white van.
He's a mistake. [She] was always better than him. [She] never hurt anybody. It isn't fair!
He sobs and buries his face in his knees. He won't sleep tonight, Cellbit remembers staying up all night because he couldn't close his eyes without seeing his parents die in front of him, and he still can't close his eyes without seeing it.
"I'm a monster," he whimpers, the first time he'd ever spoken those words, but not the last. (Later, he would try to embrace them and become the monster the media labeled him as, but it didn't help.)
There's a snarl above him, and then there's Venom standing above him with its fangs bared.
"I-" Cellbit chokes, forced to repeat what he'd said all those years ago. "I need to turn myself in. I have to!"
He stands. Venom moves to block him, grabbing onto his shoulders and holding him in place.
"There have to be healer heroes," Cellbit reasons. "They can fix them."
(They can't, and they won't.)
If possible, Venom looks distraught. The darkness wavers around it, and that's when Cellbit realizes that this is the closest they've really gotten to each other. This close, he can almost make out a face hidden behind Venom's teeth, buried deep within its mouth. But it's too dark, but if he looks hard enough...
Venom steps back, and he tears the bridge apart, and Cellbit finds himself face-to-face with-
-
Roier is cooking dinner tonight, and it smells wonderful. Of course it does, Roier's the one cooking it. Everything he cooks is wonderful, because he's wonderful.
Cellbit sits at the table watching. The kids are all in the other room doing homework, and it's almost peaceful.
Roier slips with the spatula and drops it into the pan. He swears and scoops it out and swears again as the oil inside burns him.
Again, almost peaceful.
Cellbit swiftly stands from his chair and goes to help Roier.
"Here, let me-"
Roier lightly smacks his hand. "Não, não. Go away."
"Mmm, what if I wanna stay with you?"
He slips an arm around Roier's waist and snuggles up against his back. He rests his chin on Roier's shoulder and watches a beautiful smile spread across Roier's face.
"I guess it's fine," Roier sighs, playing up the theatrics. "I guess."
And then it's peaceful once more. Cellbit watches Roier cook, and he pays special attention to Roier's biceps. (Sue him, his husband is hot.)
But then, in the other room, Richarlyson starts shouting:
"This is stupid!"
"Calm down," Bobby drawls. "It's just multiplication, let me see-"
"No, I can do it!"
Cellbit tenses. Roier doesn't seem to notice, and that's fine. It's nothing for either of them to worry about.
"You've literally been working on that for hours," Bobby argues. "Let me see."
"Não!"
Quietly, Pepito pipes up with, "I wanna see!"
"No!" Richarlyson yells. "I can- I can do it!"
"Let me see," Pepito pleads.
(Cellbit can't see.)
"Fuck you, give me the homework," Bobby snaps.
"Fuck you, it's mine!" Richarlyson exclaims.
(Cellbit can't breathe.)
"You literally can't even do it," Bobby mocks. "Give it."
(Cellbit can't-)
The world dissolves around him, and all he can see is his father's body sprawled across the floor and his mother across from him still muttering about how useless she is as he still muttered about how useless he is and he's both 26 years old and eight and he can't breathe and and and and and-
"Cellbit!" he hears. Two warm, gentle hands settle on his cheeks, and he blinks, and he's in his own kitchen. With his husband. Crying.
"It's fine," Roier whispers. He presses his forehead against Cellbit's, eyes slipping shut. "It isn't going to happen again. You're fine. They're fine. It's fine."
Cellbit blinks. The kitchen sounds miles and miles away, but he still heard that, and he knows for certain that he not once has told anybody about the night he killed his parents.
He swallows, fresh tears stinging at his eyes. "What isn't going to happen again?"
Roier tenses, but he doesn't move. His eyes squeeze even further shut, but he doesn't move. His mouth narrows into a pencil-thin line, but he doesn't move.
Cellbit can barely feel his hands, but he still moves his arms to hold Roier around the middle. The kids are still fighting in the background, but... but he can't handle them right now.
In a minute.
"Do we have to talk about it?" Roier hesitantly asks.
Cellbit's answer is immediate: "No. Just... sorry. I'm sorry."
Roier's brow furrows. "'Sorry'? Sorry for what, eh?"
"You shouldn't have to see all... all that. I don't even want to talk about it, but-"
"No, shut up. I'm sorry for sneaking into your dreams every night. It kinda just happens, I don't control it, but... it happened, and you were so sad, and I wanted to help."
Cellbit smiles faintly. His own eyes slip shut, and he can almost not see the bodies this time.
"You do help," he responds. "You help more than you could ever imagine, even outside of the dreams."
He tips his head up to kiss Roier, soft and brief and gentle.
Against Cellbit's lips, Roier mutters, "I can stop."
Cellbit shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Now that I know it's you, I can stop freaking out about a buff scary monster guy haunting me."
Roier huffs out a quiet laugh. "I can try and be less scary, but I don't control that, either."
"It's still you. Just... God, does this make me a monsterfucker?"
Roier's laugh is much louder this time. He bites Cellbit's bottom lip before pulling back.
Cellbit's eyes open, and he looks into Roier's, and he can see the love in them, and he can feel the love in his own.
God-damn, how did he get this lucky?
"Who are you calling a monster?" Roier demands. He pinches Cellbit's side and turns back to the stove. "Fuck you, sleep alone tonight. I don't even care."
Cellbit smiles and invades his husband's space once more. He hooks his chin over Roier's shoulder, and he sighs against Roier's cheek.
"Te amo," he says. He presses a chaste kiss to the side of Roier's jaw.
Roier's ears turn red, but his face betrays no emotion.
"Your breath smells," he says, a smile teasing at his own lips. "Go brush your teeth before we eat."
Cellbit rolls his eyes, but he leaves to go do as he's told if only to try and finish panicking on his own and try and calm down before dinner.
He passes through the living room, and he sees Bobby at the table helping Richarlyson with his homework.
Some things do change, after all.
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mblue-art · 9 months ago
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drew @owl-bones's lv20 dust!cross boy, strike 💗 (pre-redesign) (new design here!)
silly xtras + simp thoughts under the cut
a shitpost ... ft silly au bc i got attached to how blorbo i made my sona in it...
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im just a lil guye... against big scary tall skeleman constantly burning lots of magic... who easily crumbles to even the smallest bit of affection... he'll be dead on the fukcign gorund when im done w him /j/j/j/j/lh/aff <333
self-indulgent scenario/au surrounding my simping (just like all my other AUs in my head lololol) is called icecube (for now,, 👉👈),, yearned hard during an especially chilly rainy day, and felt so cold i joked that i was turning into ice-- then i got attacked with simp thoughts about how he'd be sooo warm and toasty (,,perfect for the weather,,,/)/////(\;;) and the silly thought of being the ice to his warmth-- his little icecube-- is very /////wwww
i love,, the visual of getting cold chilly hands and just reaching up to cup his cheeks and feel his ambient(?) magic warming my hands up and the whole gesture simultaneously making him melt,,
an icecube can only cool off a magic-burning body so much,, but i hope he enjoys the feeling lots everytime he holds cold lil me to his chest uwu 🧊💙❤️‍🔥
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puppyeared · 2 months ago
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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vegance · 7 months ago
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insects deserve to live in peace too <3
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