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amazingmsme · 21 days

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Restless ‘Til We Reach Home

Despite Everything, It’s Still You (Ch. 3)

AN: I had so much fun with this chapter, I hope you guys really like it! It’s got some much needed levity curtesy of Hermes, but also a pinch of angst & a very bittersweet moment between Polites & Odysseus. Oh, & we finally get a ghost!Polites face reveal! I’m also pretty certain this is the first fic I’ve ever posted from a hospital. I mean, unless any of you were around back in the day when I was dying & you remember if I posted something during that time, but I don’t think I did. So this is really something special!

Ch. 1 Ch. 2

If barely anyone had seen Polites in the days prior, then he must have made himself truly scarce after his last confrontation with the captain. The playful, if unexplained, shenanigans were no more, and the crew fell back into their monotonous routine.

But remaining invisible for so long takes its toll, and he needs his moments of peace and quiet. And so, the crew took notice of the man sitting alone in the crows nest, his presence never faltering. At least this way, he can still be of some use to the crew while completely isolating himself.

By now, Polites hadn't moved from the crows nest in over a week. Even his practice with the coin was getting weaker. He sat with his knees pressed to his chest, desperately trying to shove the drachma across the planks. His finger phased through, making no impact on the piece of gold.

"How have you possibly gotten more pathetic than the last time we met?"

Great.

The voice startled him enough to clutch the coin in his fist. Polites heaved a sigh upon recognizing the unwelcome company.

"Please go away," he mumbled softly. Hermes scoffed.

"Yeah, no, I don't think so. You obviously need me, I mean, just look at yourself!" he gestured at him wildly.

"Hey!"

"No, you need to hear this!" Hermes snapped his fingers in his face to get his point across. Polites flinched back before shooting him with an annoyed look.

"I thought I left you in a good place! What happened?" he asked, dropping his voice an octave, purposefully playing up his disappointment.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture, so can you just-"

"No- I will not just anything. So be honest, how long have you been sulking up here?"

"I'm not-"

"Oh come on, I didn't say anything that wasn't true. So, how long's it been? Or do you even know?"

"... I'm on watch-"

"For how long?" Hermes asked with a shit eating grin, propping his chin in his hands.

"... Until we're home," he said pointedly. Hermes barked out a laugh.

"Oh, so you're just gonna sit up here, all alone, until you reach Ithica? Woooow, you must be so dedicated. Definitely no underlying reason there," he drawled, smirking when he noticed the way Polites clenched his jaw. "Nope."

Polites sighed in defeat, "They hate me."

Hermes rolled his eyes. "Oh please, they don't hate you, they hate what they think you are. And I know you're gonna think I'm crazy, and stupid, and blind, but... their reaction is proof of how much you really meant to them."

"You're right, I do think that! Do you even hear yourself? They! Hate! Me!" he clapped between words to get his point across.

"They love you!"

Polites scoffed and turned away, "Who died and made you Aphrodite?"

Hermes scoffed at such a high pitch, it was more of a shriek. "You are so lucky that was funny, but how dare you speak to me like that!" he asked, hands on his hips.

"Look, Hermes, don't you have something better to do?" he asked, rubbing his temple.

"Uh, you say that like this isn't important. I'm thoroughly invested, and I plan on seeing this through to the end," Hermes explained, voice tinged with condescension.

"Sorry, but I don't care about being your entertainment," he grumbled, still refusing to meet his gaze.

"Oh Polites, it's so much more than that. I mean, fine, maybe it is mostly for entertainment purposes, but how can you not see I'm actually trying to help?" he asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"Oh please, you're a God. You never want to make things better," he said honestly.

"Stereotype much?" he asked, leaning over Polites where he sat, staring at him from upside down, his mop of hair hanging towards the floor. He jumped at the sudden invasion of personal space, making Hermes laugh.

"I'm not a bad guy, honest! In fact, I spread joy wherever I go," he bragged, standing upright and propped an arm atop his head. Polites rolled his eyes, smirking up at the messenger God.

"I'm sure you think that."

Hermes glared down at him, cocking his head. "Excuse me? Are you mocking me?" he asked, amusement clear in his tone as he squatted down to his level.

"No?" Polites answered, quirking an eyebrow up in confusion. Hermes stared at him for a few long seconds before sighing when it seemed he really was telling the truth.

"I must say Polites, I'm very disappointed in you..."

"What? What did I even do?"

"Shhh, it's not about what you did, it's what you didn't do."

"Huh?"

"You're fucking Polites for goodness sake! The walking ray of sunshine, who, for some reason, is acting like nothing but a big dark rain cloud! And, hate to break it to ya, but Odysseus has that position filled, thank you very much," he huffed, sitting on the edge of the crows nest and crossing his legs, leaning on one arm.

Polites looked away to hide a faint yet growing blush. "You think I'm a ray of sunshine?" he asked hesitantly.

Hermes giggled behind his hand, rolling his eyes. "Of course that's your takeaway."

"Then what was your point?" he asked defensively.

"My point is that you used to be so damn happy, it was infectious. And now, here you are," he finished, lamely gesturing his way.

Polites stared at him, mouth agape. "I'm allowed to be sad Hermes!"

The God merely giggled and shook his head. Polites threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "There's being sad, then there's whatever... this is..."

"I'm dead Hermes! D-E-A-D dead!"

"Yes, I can spell," Hermes all but purred, and Polites snapped.

"SHUT UP! Just- shut up please! Are all the Gods this insufferable?" he yelled, grabbing fistfuls of his hair. "I don't even know if I really exist anymore! Everyone's a-always talking about me like I'm not even there, wondering if I'm evil, if I'm actually me, and they can't even look at me, Hermes! They look away like just one glance will burn their eyes!" Polites barely hovered above the floor on his knees, practically clinging onto Hermes.

The God looked almost mortified, staring at the sobbing, sniveling, dead mortal before him with growing discomfort and concern.

"I've never heard such hateful things. Please, I don't want to stay here. I-is... is there anyway you could-"

"What, take you back to Hades? Uh yeah, that's a hard no! Not only do I not know how to do that, but I will not let you just back out of the best decision of your afterlife. This is honestly the most fun I've had in ages."

"Congratulations!"

Hermes pouted, picking at his nails. "... I feel like you don't mean that."

"OF COURSE I don't mean that! I've never been more miserable! And you just come here to laugh about how bad our lives are going! Well my life is over, okay? You don't get to bother me anymore!"

"I wouldn't say I'm bothering yo-"

"I would," he crossed his arms, cutting him off. Hermes scoffed to hide an amused smirk.

"Cut me off again and see what happens," he warned playfully. Polites glared up at him, unmoving. "But I'm so used to seeing you with that precious smile on your face, that it just doesn't feel right seeing you without it. It's like you're naked," he teased with a shrill giggle. Polites blushed, wrapping his arms around his body for cover. That only made Hermes laugh more. "So you see, it just doesn't feel quite right seeing you this way."

"Well- it's not the same thing, thank you very much," he mocked, cheeks still flushed as he looked away.

"Ohoho you are just the cutest when you're embarrassed!" he cooed, pinching his unswollen cheek to tease him further. Polites swatted him away, floundering for words.

"I am not!"

"Not what? Cute, or embarrassed? Because I think it's safe to say you're both," he said casually, making him pout. "Even with that sour attitude you adopted."

"It's justified!"

"Don't fucking dwell on it though!" That sure seemed to shut him up. "And that is what you've been doing, isn't it? And the Polites I know would be heartbroken if he could see you right now."

"I think you mean the Polites you spied on," he deadpanned, unable to hide his smirk when he saw the look on the God's face.

"Wow, okay, if that's how you wanna put it," Hermes scoffed indignantly, hand on his chest. "But you're clearly not listening to me! All I've done since showing up is try to make you happy, and you've done nothing but fight it every step of the fucking way," he scolded halfheartedly.

"Oh please, you don't really care if I'm happy or not."

"You're right, I don't. That's why I took the time to check up on you, despite being a rather busy man. And you wanna know why I even bothered to do that? Because some little mortal named Polites taught me that it can be worth it to treat others with kindness."

His words caught Polites off guard as he blinked in shock. He was speechless, but a shy grin was quickly breaking out across his face.

"But now he has me second guessing myself," Hermes pouted, tilting his head down to look at him.

Polites pursed his lips to keep from smiling and looked away. The God cupped his cheek and turned him back around to meet his gaze.

"Don't tell me you've run out of kindness, Polites. It's your best quality."

"I- uh- thank you," he stuttered, the compliment rendering him speechless. Hermes arched a brow.

"That didn't answer my question," he teased with a sly grin.

Polites rolled his eyes, "You can't just run out of kindness. It's a choice!"

"Mhmm. And you know what else is a choice? Staying up here to wallow in self pity."

"Hey!"

"It's called a rude awakening, sweetheart."

"But- you don't know how mean he was!" he pleaded.

"Who, Odysseus? Trust me, I know," he agreed that the captain could be cruel at times, but that's why he liked him so much. "He just has to come around, and I have no doubt he will."

"Yeah? Well I do," he mumbled, fiddling with the coin. Hermes offered a strained smile.

"Oh lighten up before I do something drastic," he teased, kicking him gently to shove him onto the ground. Polites caught himself with a startled yelp, standing up to face him.

"Oh please, I'm already dead. You can't do anything," Polites shot back, brushing off dust that wasn't there . Hermes cackled at his response.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure," he teased, bumping their shoulders together a little bit harder than he meant to. "But I know Odysseus, and I know how loyal he is to you. Once he realizes the truth, I'm sure he'll be more than sorry for the way he's treated you..."

Polites thought it over before asking, "You think so?"

"I know so." Hermes noticed the way the sadness lingered and rolled his eyes. He really had to do everything himself, didn't he? He heaved a deep sigh, as if what he was about to do was some great ordeal.

"So before I go, you look like you could use one of these," he said, holding his arms out by his side. An open invitation. For once, Polites didn't immediately accept.

"Are you sure?" he asked, brows furrowed. Why would any God want to hug a mortal? Polites looked down at the blood on his own toga. "I-I don't wanna stain your clothes..."

"Please, I'm a God, you think I care about that?" he bragged, waving away his worries. "Besides, if anyone needs a hug right now, I think it's you."

The simple gesture broke him. His bottom lip trembled and he nodded, a sob catching in his throat. "I really do."

"Aww, you poor thing. C'mere."

Polites did what he was told, allowing the God to wrap him up in a warm embrace. He buried his head in his chest as he struggled to fight off the wave of emotions.

"Oh, again with the crying? I only did this because I thought it might make you feel better," Hermes whined, but he still rubbed a comforting hand up and down his back.

"No, i-it did. I just- I didn't know how bad I needed this," he said, voice barely above a whisper. He hugged Hermes tighter, as if afraid to let go. The trickster God stood there awkwardly the longer the hug went on.

"Okay, that's it. You may hate me now, but you'll thank me later."

Before Polites could apologize or ask what he meant, the arms around him constricted like a python around their prey. "Um, Hermes? You can lehehet gohoho!" he broke down into surprised, bubbly giggles as long slender fingers dug into his sides.

"No, see, laughter's the best medicine, yeah? So I guess you could say I'm curing you!" he chirped, not bothering to hide the evil grin overtaking his face.

"Ihihi'm dead I'm nohot sihihick!"

"See, that's another thing. You're just a little too sassy with me today, you're honestly lucky I didn't decide to put you in your place ages ago," he added matter of factly. "So maybe next time, watch your tongue."

Polites was thrashing in his hold; you'd think being a ghost would make for an easy escape, but somehow, Hermes was able to hold him there as if he were still flesh and bone. He tried to float free from his grasp, but a hand squeezing his belly stopped him in his tracks.

This shouldn't even be possible! His hands should be phasing through him, and they certainly shouldn't feel as real as they do right now. He had to be playing some cruel, Godly trick on him because Polites could swear he wasn't this ticklish.

Fucking Hermes.

He doubled over, barely staying afloat as he tried in vain to fend off the wicked, wondering hands. Polites felt himself blush as the absurdity of the situation really set in.

Still, how was he the mature one in this situation?

"Hehehermes, y-you're a Gohohod, ahact like one!" he squealed through his laughter. Everything came to an immediate halt as even the wind stood still. That was clearly the wrong thing to say.

"EXCUSE me? You actually think you can boss around a God? Oh you so deserve this. In fact I'm gonna enjoy every second," Hermes taunted, breaking off into hysterical laughter that mingled with Polites's own frantic giggles.

"Lihike you weren't ahahalready!" he snapped, shrieking as Hermes scribbled at the base of his neck in response.

"Did you even hear a single word I said?" he asked incredulously.

"Ihihi'm sorry, I'm soRRYYYY!" Polites begged for mercy. Miraculously, he seemed to get to get through to him, because suddenly he was let go, staring face to face with Hermes.

Polites grew more and more skeptical the longer he stared at that smirk. No way would he just let him go-

He jerked away with a squeal as he felt a soft, swirling sensation at his side. His eyes flew wide open as he came to the realization, pointing an accusing finger at the man in front of him, "Y-You tricked mehehe!"

"Well gee, I'm only the God of Trickery! Think about it, Polites," he taunted, tapping his forehead to make his point.

Hermes wasn't even touching him and he felt like he wanted to crawl out of his- well, he couldn't exactly say "skin" anymore...

"Whahat are you eheheven doing?" he managed to ask through a fit of giggles.

"Oh nothing, just putting you in your place. Y'know, like a God," Hermes made his point, flashing the smuggest smirk he could muster. He sat on the edge of the crows nest, crossing one leg over the other as he enjoyed the show. He subtly checked over his shoulder, trying to spot Odysseus anywhere on the deck.

When he looked back at the spirit before him, he was curled in a tight ball, only floating mere inches above the wooden planks. Hermes couldn't help but chuckle at the sight, the sound drawing Polites's attention.

He glared at him before he broke off into bubbly giggles and looked away.

"Ihihi'm sohorry, plehehease! Just stohohop!"

"Well since you said please," he taunted, reaching down to ruffle his hair, and the phantom sensations ceased.

"What was that even for?" Polites asked as soon as he regained his breath.

Hermes raised his brows, cocking his head to the side as he crossed his arms. "Who died and made you Aphrodite? Really?"

Polites tried and failed to mask his proud smirk, "Hey, you said that was funny!"

"Mmmhmm, you had it coming and you know it," the God countered.

"What? No I didn't!" Polites exclaimed, jaw hanging to the floor.

"You really wanna argue with me right now?" he asked, quirking a brow up in amusement.

He bit his lip and looked away, and Hermes could see a warm blush spread beneath the mottled cool tones of his bruised skin.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. You're honestly a real pain in the ass now that you're dead. Nothing but sarcasm and self pity," Hermes ignored the indignant cry of protest in the middle of his little speech. He tsked, shaking his head in mock disappointment.

Polites stared at the deck below through a small hole in one of the planks, plugging it with his finger as he listened.

"I tried cheering you up with some of my classic Hermes charm, but you were having none of it! I had to do something, you understand," he shrugged, casually explaining himself. "Drastic times call for drastic measures," he said with a wink.

Polites snapped his head up to look at him. "You... weren't just being annoying?" he asked, nose crinkling in confusion.

Hermes rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Yeah yeah, don't read too much into it," he waved him off dismissively, but Polites noticed the affectionate look on his face.

"Whatever you say," Polites grinned, feeling bold enough to return his wink. Hermes scoffed, mostly to hide his growing smile.

"Careful, that smart mouth of yours is what got you in trouble to begin with," Hermes warned playfully, cackling to himself when Polites shied away without another word. His laughter trailed off as he looked him up and down, and he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Rest easy, Polites. Things will turn around, I promise." He gave his shoulder one final reassuring squeeze before he let go. He hopped up on the ledge, saluting the fallen soldier, "Until next time, friend."

Polites felt himself smile, and this time, it wasn't forced. He bowed his head in a slow nod, "'Til next time."

Hermes was about to leave, when Polites cried out, "Wait!"

Hermes froze in mid air, giving Polites his undivided attention.

"Are you going to the underworld anytime soon?"

Hermes gave a skeptical look, "Depends."

"While you're there, could you look for my friend and tell her I'm okay? And that I miss her?"

The God heaved a sigh. "Could I get a name?"

"Eurydice! Her name's Eurydice, and she's about this tall and- are you okay?"

Hermes sputtered and gawked at Polites, cutting him off, "You two know each other? This just keeps more and more interesting," he mused.

"Wait, how do YOU know her?" he asked in an accusatory tone.

"Relax, I didn't do anything. I just... hung back to observe," he explained with a shrug. Polites floated in place, waiting to hear more. "I never would've thought you two would hit it off, what with the underworld being so big. Good for you."

"So... you know what happened?" he asked, careful to keep his voice level.

"I'll go out on a limb and say I know more than you," he teased.

"Please?"

Hermes offered a tight lipped, sympathetic smile. "Oh alright. But just for you!"

With that, he was gone.

Polites heaved a sigh of relief once he was alone, leaning back against the mast for support. "At least he's helpful," he told himself.

~~~

Odysseus sat hunched over his desk inspecting a map spread out before him. He muttered to himself under his breath, calloused fingertips roaming possible routes. Another hand walked onto the map, pointing at one of the ornamental sea monsters.

"They're not just for decoration, y'know."

Odysseus shouted, stumbling back in shock, hand reflexively reaching for his sword. He stopped when he saw Hermes standing in the middle of his cabin, hands held in the air in a show of surrender. The captain huffed, sliding the sword back in its sheath.

"Oh, it's just you."

"What do you mean just me? Doesn't anyone on this ship treat Gods with respect anymore?" he asked indignantly. Odysseus's lips twitched in a scowl before schooling his features.

"Depends. Do any Gods know how to treat us with respect?" he shot back. Hermes hummed in amusement.

"That's fair. But we're not all like that. After all, I helped you," he pointed out with a breathy giggle. "And Circe. And don't forget Ath-"

"Okay I get it. So, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Odysseus asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's so funny that you think I'm here for you," Hermes cooed, drifting around him in a loose circle.

Odysseus furrowed his brows in confusion. "You're in my room, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I made a little detour first. Someone had to cheer up that miserable little friend of yours," Hermes mused with an exaggerated pout.

Odysseus thought for a moment, nose scrunching slightly in slight confusion. "You mean Polites?"

"Oh so you did notice he was upset, you just didn't care," the God taunted, idly picking at his nails.

Odysseus surged forward as he grabbed Hermes by the collar. "NEVER say those words to me again!"

Hermes froze at the outburst, eyes wide in shock. "... Bit of an overreaction, don't you think?" Odysseus didn't let him go.

"Not at all."

Hermes glared down at the cocky man before him, smacking his hand away like it was nothing. He then shoved him back with a wave of his hand, sending Odysseus stumbling backwards and falling into his chair, staring at him in bewilderment.

"Enough! I'm trying to help, but you seem so insistent on cutting your nose off to spite your face," Hermes growled, crossing his arms. Odysseus snapped his mouth shut.

"I understand you've been through a lot, and trusting others is hard right now, but you're either too stupid, afraid, or outright stubborn to see the truth for what it is."

Odysseus stood up from his chair, giving him a skeptical look. "You don't mean he's actually-"

"The real deal? I don't know, you tell me. He's only been saying that from the beginning."

Odysseus blinked in shock as the information settled and took root in his brain. He felt weak in the knees, lightheaded, so he gripped the edge of the desk for support, leaning his weight against it.

"I think I feel sick..."

"Good," Hermes chirped, crossing one lanky leg atop the other as he perched atop the captain's desk, sitting next to him. "Because you should."

Odysseus shot him an incredulous look. Clearly not the answer he was looking for.

"What? You made him cry! You should feel bad," Hermes pointed out with an air of casual smugness. "At least a little." Odysseus heaved a deep, heavy sigh.

"I do. I feel awful. And, not just about that, but-"

"I'm gonna go ahead and stop you right there. I'm limiting myself to only one mortal therapy session per visit."

"But-"

"Nope!"

"Bu-"

"Ah!"

"Hermes-"

"Zzzp!"

Odysseus groaned in frustration, clearly getting nowhere. He sank to the floor, sitting on his heels as he buried his face in his hands. A tidal wave of guilt far greater than anything Poseidon could conjure crashed down on him. It was dragging him under fast and all he could do was sink deeper and deeper.

A rolled up map to the back of his head was all it took to pull him out of his daze.

"Well don't just sit there stewing in self pity! Accept the fact you fucked up, feel bad for a little bit, but then use it to do better," he insisted, stern yet caring. His voice softened just a touch, "He needs you to do better..."

The corner of Odysseus's lip twitched in the faintest resemblance of a smile. "Thought you said no therapy."

"I'm inconsistent."

"I'll say," he said, crossing his arms. When he didn't continue, Hermes sighed and carried on.

"He misses you. And I know you miss him, too."

Odysseus directed his gaze towards the ground. "But... I was horrible to him. There's no way he wants to see me," he said, hanging his head in shame.

"I wouldn't be so sure. I hear that Polites of yours is quite forgiving," he teased gently, smacking his shoulder playfully, but with a little extra force. "At least I hope so, for my sake at least," he threw his head back with a shrill giggle.

"What? Why, what did you do?" Odysseus snapped. Hermes rolled his eyes.

"Nothiiiiing," he said cryptically. Odysseus arched a brow in question. "I just... raised his spirits a little," the God answered with a shrill giggle and a wink. Odysseus merely thought he was making a ghost pun, oblivious to the hidden layers of his joke.

"So do you know where he is?"

"Maybe give him some space right now. I really annoyed him, and I don't know how he'd feel about visitors after all that."

"I have to see him now Hermes. I need to set things right," he pleaded earnestly.

"Alright. Just... be patient, if he doesn't forgive you right away," Hermes warned. Odysseus looked at him, brows furrowed and eyes full of sorrow, shoulders sagging ever so slightly.

"I don't expect him to."

Hermes inhaled sharply through his nose, "In any case, I wish you both the best of luck."

"Thanks."

The boat rocked against a large wave and Odysseus stumbled to keep his footing. When he looked up, Hermes was gone.

Odysseus made his way to the bed and sat down, feeling overwhelmed by the bombshell he was left to cope with.

That really is Polites...

The Gods had no hand in bringing back this twisted version of his best friend. No higher power puppeteering his corpse as a mockery of all his past failures. Which meant...

Polites actually looked like that.

The thought alone was hard for Odysseus to stomach. He couldn't help but spiral and wonder if Polites is in as much pain as he seemed to be in his final moments. A sob caught in his throat.

His once soft, kind voice now has an ever present hoarseness to it. Every time he speaks, Odysseus can hear nothing but those dying words, can see nothing but those final, horrid moments.

"Captain-" his voice is strained as he reached out for the one man who was supposed to protect him. Blood began to pool beneath his body as Polites struggled to prop himself up. His arm looks crumbled and twisted and immediately gave way under the slightest pressure.

"Enough."

That single word shook Odysseus to his very core.

The massive club came crashing down once more, landing the final blow. Odysseus can almost feel the blood splatter across his face, just as hot and paralyzing as it was the first time.

He stood up so abruptly, he made himself slightly dizzy, but he didn't care. He needed to see Polites.

~~~~

Odysseus had a lot to apologize for, but where to even begin?

He didn't even know what he'd say to Polites when he say him, he just knew that he had to see him right here and now.

Odysseus walked up to the base of the mast, starting his slow ascent. When he reached the crows nest, he knocked out a familiar pattern, earning his friend's attention.

Polites poked his head over the side of the bucket, eyes widening when he sees Odysseus casually hanging by a rope.

"Care for some company?" he asked sheepishly, offering a timid, nervous smile.

Polites wanted to be mad. He had a whole list of things he wanted to say to his face, and they all died on the tip of his tongue. Despite himself, a wide grin broke out across his face.

He came. He does still care.

"If it's you? Always."

Odysseus breathed a sigh of relief and clamored the rest of the way up. He sat across from Polites, leaning his back against the walls of the crows nest.

"So," he said awkwardly, unsure how to start.

"So..." Polites repeated, looking at him expectantly.

"I should probably start by saying how sorry I am for everything I've said to you since you came back."

Polites was quiet for a long moment. "You really hurt me."

His eyes filled with tears as he nodded, "I know, and I know I can't take back the words I said , or the pain I caused. But I am so sorry for everything. I-I should've believed you, the moment I saw you. I should've fucking known; you're my best friend, my brother by choice and I tossed you aside when you needed me most."

Polites was crying by now, and he reached up to wipe away his tears. "It's oka-"

"No it's not! Please don't pretend, Polites. I... I'm not the same man you knew. I'll never be him again, and nothing about this is okay! You died and I did nothing. Poseidon wiped out our entire fleet, and I could do nothing but watch. And when you finally came back..." Odysseus chokes on a sob caught in his throat. "You came back, and I was nothing but awful. So I don't blame you if you aren't ready to forgive me."

"I do though," Polites said quietly. "Forgive you, I mean."

Odysseus barked out a humorless laugh, "You shouldn't."

"We all lash out when we're afraid, or we don't understand something. I honestly don't know if I'd believe you if the roles were reversed," he admitted, not only to his best friend, but to himself.

"Please, you don't have to be so nice to me Polites. I said downright horrible things to you! I was an asshole! And- everything that's happened since you died has been my fault. Your death was my fault- and I'm so, so sorry that I couldn't save you, I-"

"Hey- shh, shh," Polites soothed, reaching a hand toward him. "Just calm down. Odysseus, none of this is your fault. You did your best to save us-"

"And it still wasn't enough!" he snapped before reigning himself in. He grabbed an angry fistful of hair. Polites thought about placing a hand on his shoulder.

If he were alive, he wouldn't have to think twice.

"We didn't stand a chance," Polites said flatly. Odysseus whipped his head up to look at him. "Oh don't look at me like that, you knew it too. There was no way we'd all make it back. I was just... one of the unlucky few," his voice cracked as he spoke and he looked away.

"Still, I should've done something," Odysseus reasoned. Polites let out a sarcastic snort.

"Like what? Push me out of the way? Take the blow so I could die another day? Save me instead of making it home safe?"

"It would've been better than doing nothing! I just... s-stood and watched..." Odysseus trailed off, his look a mix of terror and grief.

A tense silence fell between the pair, broken when Polites spoke up, "You were in shock."

"No, I was weak! And now you're gone!" It was hard not to take offense to that.

"Odysseus, I'm right here."

His shoulders sagged with guilt. "You know what I mean."

"I do. But I need you to know that nobody blames you for what happened," he said, sounding so sure of himself.

Odysseus shook his head. "I do."

Polites reached out, grabbing his shoulders on instinct. Odysseus looked bewildered at the touch, but he didn't brush him off.

"Well I don't! Hey, hey! Look at me!"

Odysseus didn't want to. He really didn't. He'd been avoiding it ever since he came back, only sparing fleeting glances from the corner of his eye. The only time he'd looked directly at him was when he was staring him down the length of his sword. He closed his eyes, preparing himself as best he could. He lets out a shaky breath, and opens his eyes.

He had to fight against the urge to recoil when he really looked at him for the first time.

It was a good thing Polites could float, because Odysseus seriously doubted that his legs could support him anymore. They hung limp and awkward beneath him, each knee ever so slightly off. His arms were mangled in a similar fashion, except the breaks and odd angles were much more jarring. His elbows bent too far back, and his left forearm seemed to be broken, swollen far too much not to be. Blood stained his clothes and smeared across his armor, running down his arms and legs in thin trails.

His face was swollen and bruised, with a dark black eye on the right side. His brow was split, causing a slow trickle of blood to ooze down his face, although his bandana seemed to soak most of it up. He had a small cut on his left cheek and his bottom lip was busted. But all of that paled in comparison to his eyes.

His once soft gaze, so full of light and love was now glazed and glossy. The warm brown hue was no more than a lifeless gray behind milky eyes. They'd always been so vibrant, so expressive, so... so lively. Odysseus had to remind himself that it is still his friend. Despite everything, it's still Polites.

Odysseus didn't even realize he'd been crying until a gentle hand wiped away his tears.

"My death is not your fault. Okay?" he spoke softly. Odysseus nodded weakly, although it was clear he didn't believe it.

"Say it."

Odysseus shook his head. "I can't-"

"Sure you can," Polites encouraged gently. "Because it's the truth."

He took a shaky breath, "Your death is not my fault."

"Good. I hope someday, you'll believe it."

Odysseus sighed heavily, "How can you still be so nice to me? After everything?"

Polites shifted as he thought about his answer. "Well... because you're my best friend. That didn't change just because I died. Don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty upset about all the things you said," he admitted with a chuckle, "But, I also know you were just lashing out. You would've never said such things had you known."

"But I did, and I hurt you."

"You didn't know."

"I should've! You tried to tell me, over and over, and I refused to listen." He dropped his head low, staring at the wooden planks. "What kind of a friend am I?"

"An honest one," Polites said after a long pause. "Loyal. Funny. Maybe a bit of a pain in my ass," he chuckled when Odysseus smirked at his words. "But most of all, you're a good friend, Odysseus. I'm glad I spent my life fighting beside you, and I'm proud to have lost it in battle, surrounded by my brothers."

Odysseus looked at him, brows furrowed and lips pressed together in a thin line. "You're too forgiving, Polites."

"Or maybe you need to be a little more forgiving."

"... Not everything deserves to be forgiven."

"No, not everything," Polites agreed. "But most things."

Neither spoke for a long time. Odysseus took a deep breath through his nose. "I really am sorry."

"I know."

"I don't think you do."

"Ody, I know. You don't have to keep apologizing," he reassured. Odysseus smiled sadly at the nickname.

"If you say so."

"I mean it," he insisted. "You already said you're sorry, what more is there to say?"

Odysseus looked at him from the corner of his eye, trying to mask his amused grin. Even when he felt awful, Polites knew how to make him smile. "I don't know. But it just feels like I can't ever say it enough..."

Polites couldn't help but smirk. "Trust me, you can," he teased, smiling wider when Odysseus playfully glared at him. He chuckled and shook his head, "Hermes was right, you are acting like a big dark rain cloud," he taunted further. Odysseus rolled his eyes.

"Shut up, he didn't say that."

Polites snorted in amusement, pursing his lips and adverting his gaze.

"He really fucking said that?" he asked incredulously, sitting up a little straighter. Polites giggled at the reaction, laughing harder when Odysseus noticed and played up his anger. "That bastard! What did I ever do to him?" he asked, laughing along with Polites. By the Gods, he'd missed this.

"Well, in your defense, he called me one too. But he said that was your job," Polites clarified, even jabbing his shoulder for emphasis. Odysseus stared at him with a mix of excitement and shock.

"Oh really?" he asked, trying to push him back, only for his hand to phase through. Polites smiled sadly and leaned in, lowering his voice as if he were sharing a secret.

"You're thinking about it too hard. Just try to act normal," he suggested.

Odysseus forced himself to relax, unclenching his jaw and slouching ever so slightly. This was his best friend, they were joking around like they'd done thousands of times. It felt as natural as breathing to reach over and give him a shove. He lost balance and tipped over where he was "sitting." Odysseus had noticed the space between his friend and the floor below a while ago, but had decided to ignore it.

"See? You got it," Polites encouraged, beaming up at him.

"So did he really say all that, or are you just making shit up?" he goaded.

"Oh he said a lot more than that," he said, sounding exasperated. "Mostly about me though."

"Mostly."

"Mhm. I think I might've made him mad though, I'm not sure." Odysseus arched a brow, scooting a little closer.

"What?"

"He said I was "too sassy" and I needed to "watch my tongue,"" he quoted, a sly smirk tugging at his lips.

"Look at you, mouthing off to a God!" he encouraged, smacking his leg with the back of his hand. He'd missed this closeness, and was subtly trying to practice and test the waters to see if he could really feel him. Odysseus felt nothing beneath his touch save for a cold mist. "Guess I really rubbed off on you."

Polites shrugged sheepishly, "What can I say? I've got nothing left to lose now. I'd say it was worth it."

"Worth what?" he asked, cocking his head curiously.

"Nothing," Polites answered quickly, not meeting his friend's gaze. Odysseus grinned wider.

"Really? Nothing at all?"

"No," he insisted.

"Yeah, I don't believe you."

"Oh shut up!"

"Nah, you don't really want me to," he said smugly.

Polites rolled his eyes. "Damn it, I hate when you're right." They both chuckled and sighed unison. It almost felt like nothing had changed. If they closed their eyes, they could pretend it hadn't.

"I've missed this," Odysseus turned to look at him, eyes glistening. "I've missed you."

Polites felt a sob catch in his throat. "I've missed you too."

"... I'm sorry things ended up like this," Odysseus spoke quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"So am I. But... I'm still here," he tried to reassure him. He reached out, lacing their fingers together. Polites could see his hand beneath his own, could feel his palm ever so slightly phase through his skin. Odysseus didn't flinch away. "Sort of."

Odysseus snorted and shook his head fondly. "Same old Polites. How could I have been so blind?"

"I think you were just scared."

"What, of you?" Odysseus asked with a smirk.

"Of the possibility it wasn't me..."

"... I think you might be right."

Polites looked at him and scooted a little closer, turning on his side to face him. "Hey, things are gonna be okay."

Odysseus spared a glance his way, brows furrowed with worry. "How do you know?"

"Because, I just do. I have a feeling it'll all work out in the end."

Odysseus smiled sadly, "I think that's called wishful thinking."

"Hope can bring you a long way. You'd be surprised."

"I'll take your word for it." Odysseus trailed off for a moment before adding on, "I won't let you down. I promise."

"You could never," Polites said softly, offering a warm, gentle smile.

"You give me too much credit."

"Maybe, maybe not."

They spent the rest of the night lying in the crows nest amongst the stars, pointing out their favorite constellations and catching up, just as they'd done countless times before. Everything has changed, and yet, nothing has.

#restless til we reach home #ghost!polites #polites #odysseus #hermes #epic #epic the musical #epic musical #epic the wisdom saga

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