#certainly formative for me with a lot of these
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autumnhobbit · 2 days ago
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Genuinely think half the problem here is a lot of parents are not in a place themselves where they can teach their kids how to recognize when something is good, and how to handle the intricacies of emotions, attraction, and decency while navigating social relationships with other people.
When I was growing up, the way adults talked about relationships, both amidst themselves and directly to me, gave me the idea that marriage just sort of happened, like it was something you tripped into without conscious choice and were now stuck with. This led to a conclusion by me that any male I met could possibly be my future husband, which colored every interaction with stress and awkwardness and fear and kept me from actually being normal around other kids, because I had artificially inserted this importance into interactions that should have just been. Well. Interactions.
Looking back on it now, I can see that every single crush I had had absolutely nothing to do with looking at another person objectively, judging their character and decency, or even seeing if I liked them; if they made me feel safe, or engaged, or reinvigorated. I only had crushes on boys who I found cute or attractive. None of those necessary thoughts ever went into it, and none of the boys even liked or noticed me. Maybe one or two of them were actually people I liked and talked to. Hindsight also helps me see that when a guy was interested in me or had a crush on me, I was oblivious to it and was incredibly uncomfortable, because we were all kids and didn’t know how to talk or act and it just came off like them showing off around me or trying to talk to me when I didn’t know them, which led to avoidance on my part.
My husband was the first guy I ever met whom I actually liked and was interested in, and he was the first one who actually seemed openly interested in me. When I daydreamed about marriage as a kid, the only thing I thought about was a boy liking me. I never thought about what I would like about him, just about being appreciated and valued myself. Selfish, right? But I was emotionally neglected and it came out as desperately longing to be important to someone. And then when I found it, I realized it naturally came with a reciprocal effect on me. I do find my husband fascinating and comforting and I enjoy his company, I want to do things with him, experience new things with him, build a life with him. That couldn’t have happened if I dismissed him right away because I wanted to avoid the awkwardness of getting to know him.
I am aware we got incredibly lucky with each other, and I’m grateful for it. But what we have also took work that we both consciously chose to do. We had the guidelines of knowing that premarital sex wasn’t an option for us, and that certainly helped. But it’s tragic to think how many people could build happiness with someone if they could just let go of their fantasies and expectations long enough to see what’s really there and what could be if there’s mutual effort. But how could they? No one taught them, because no one knew how themselves. So many families of origin weren’t formed by conscious choice but by natural consequences of behavior, even if your parents are decently healthy and love you, they might well have no clue how to navigate relationships with others.
trads who use the term "courtship" are an immediate red flag to me
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madangel19 · 21 hours ago
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Phantom whimpered; being pressed up against the wall like this, held aloft in Swiss’ rugged arms, made the Quint’s entire body tremble with need.
He had been an easy catch and he knew it; but how could he resist when the Multi-Ghoul looked so good? Swiss was as enticing as any Incubus and the pull that he had elicited just to lure Phantom over the threshold of his room had been as easy as breathing.
It came natural to the Multi-Ghoul, this silken seduction, and just like that the little Quint was sex-drunk and begging for as much as Swiss could give him. His charmer was happy to oblige.
Oh lord this is real nice and real fun to write about. Enjoy ^-^
Content: Tail job, slightly dubious quintessence use, Swiss being a lil weirdo about blood, aphrodisiac use, Swiss with a pierced dick, just a lot of foreplay going on up in here
“Phantom.”
The ghoul groaned softly in his sleep, the strange disturbance slowly rousing him from a nice dream he was having. 
“Wake up, Buggy. Come to me.” 
Phantom tried to push the voice away, but a sudden wave of sweet arousal washed over him. He gasped, opening his eyes and finding himself already out of bed and walking to the door. Was this a dream? It certainly didn’t feel like a dream when his tail knocked over a nearby chair.
He opened the door, chirping softly at that strange presence as it took a hold of him once he stepped into the hallway. He giggled drunkenly, swaying to and fro before walking forward as if being led on a chain around his neck. There was nothing there, but he felt it. It was strange, but something about it was familiar. He had felt this before, but where?
“Come to my room, Buggy.”
Phantom obeyed that voice that whispered so sweetly in his ears as if it were right behind him. He glanced behind him just in case it was there and saw that he was alone. 
“Now, Buggy. Don’t keep us waiting.”
His focus was back on the voice. It sounded so rich and strong in his head. The way it vibrated through him made him squirm in place and whine as he felt himself grow hard and needy. 
He blinked and saw a purple haze surrounding him. He gazed at it in wonder as it moved, creating a trail that led right to Swiss’s room. He had to follow it. 
Phantom stepped forward and the more he got closer to Swiss’s room, the more intense his arousal grew as rich caramel and vanilla flooded his senses. One of Swiss’s signature scents that he absolutely adored. 
“I’m right in here, Buggy. Open the door.”
Phantom rushed forward, opening the door. He was greeted by darkness that quickly grabbed him and dragged him in with terrifying ease. He let out a yelp before he was slammed against the wall, held up by that strange shadow that slowly took form until Swiss smiled down at him. The darkness subsided, revealing a purple fog that enveloped Swiss’s room. The multi ghoul chuckled darkly, purple tendrils of that sweet smelling smoke trickling from his mouth and nose. 
“I got you, Buggy,” he purred, wrapping his tail around his waist and pulling Phantom’s pants down, freeing his cock. 
Phantom could only stare at Swiss in awe. His naked body was adorned in beautiful gold and silver jewelry. From the gold in his locks and then to silver in his pierced cock, he was beautiful. 
“S…Swiss,” Phantom whimpered, blushing as the bigger ghoul licked his cheek, his tongue piercing tickling his skin just the right way. 
“Yeah? What do you want, Buggy?” Swiss asked, his voice low as his clawed fingers lightly caressed his sides. 
“I…I need…,” his voice trailed off when the multi ghoul’s gold-tipped tail slowly wrapped around the base of his cock, slowly jerking him off. Phantom bit down on his lip with a hiss, drawing blood. This brought a rumbling growl from Swiss who immediately tilted his chin up with a single claw, forcing him to make eye contact with him. 
Phantom gazed into his eyes and saw the growing hunger in his deep purple eyes before he pulled him into a ravenous kiss. Swiss’s aphrodisiac filled Phantom’s lungs, making him gasp softly as the multi ghoul pushed his long tongue into his mouth, exploring every inch of him. Swiss’s tail continued jerking him off as his own thick cock pressed against Phantom’s belly. 
“So good,” Swiss moaned into the kiss before pulling away and sucking on Phantom’s bloodied lip. It stung, but Swiss’s saliva was already working its magic on him. 
“So good,” Phantom repeated, giggling drunkenly before a moan escaped his lips when Swiss began teasing the tip of his cock with his tail. 
“Yeah, you like that, Buggy?” Swiss asked, pecking him on the cheek. 
“Fuck…I do,” Phantom moaned back, leaning forward and kissing along Swiss’s neck. He even tasted sweet. He had no idea what the fuck was going on, but he wasn’t complaining. 
“Such a sweet little thing. You want me to fuck you stupid?” Swiss asked, reaching around and squeezing Phantom’s ass while teasing his tip even more. 
Phantom nodded his head, tears of pleasure welling up in his eyes as he felt hot precum leaking from his cock. The multi ghoul clucked his tongue in disapproval, petting the top of Phantom’s head and tousling his already messy hair. 
“You can do better than that. Use your words, Bug.” 
Phantom took a deep breath and pulled his head away from Swiss’s neck, finding the words he so badly needed to use. 
“I…I need you to fuck me ‘till I can’t walk,” he murmured, his voice ragged. 
He hiccuped, a small puff of purple smoke curling from his lips. The smile that came from Swiss radiated warmth as he leaned in and nuzzled his cheek with a loving purr. Phantom was in complete bliss for a moment before Swiss’s tail pushed on his cock the right way and he came with a soft cry, spilling himself on Swiss’s tail and his stomach.
“Aw, poor thing. Let me fuck you better,” Swiss cooed, scooping him up into his arms and carrying Phantom to his bed. 
“Yes…Yes please,” Phantom whispered, breathing in the smoke that surrounded him and going dumb from pleasure as he was placed amongst silky soft blankets that smelled like Swiss. 
“Sweet Bug.”
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anomaliex · 24 hours ago
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Thinking about the Hangman hmmmm, specifically about how much he likes Fabian‘s friends.
His favourite is definitely Fig, Fig would be cool as shit even without being the Archdevil of Rebellion but she is. He respects her a lot and like, look how happy he was when he realised Fig was doing the Shrimp Jump rather than Kristen.
His second favourite is Gorgug I think? Gorgug's the great wizard who saved him :D plucked his soul back from hell and all :D Also, after Sophmore year he definitely starts working on the Hangman regularly. Fabian has his magic mending wax for minor problems, but if the Hangman gets banged up badly Gorgug takes care of it. Having an artificer friend when your mount is a bike most of the time is pretty practical. I unfortunately don't think he ever manages to make him a mechanical stomach and asshole so he can shit on people, BUT I do think Gorgug would tinker on bike form Hangman and give him some upgrades. Like, maybe special engine that lets him do a weaker version of his Hound form fire breath? Fun stuff.
Now, the other two were canon compliant this one is all me but I do think he comes around liking Riz. Fabian himself said the ball grows on you. At first he really thinks Riz is a loser and he does so for years, but being Fabian's best friend (or. more depends on your headcanons) means he's probably around the Hangman a lot whether he likes it or not. Plus, while he probably doesn't openly admit that he likes Riz he will not deny that the four feet tall loser hipster kid jumping on some enemy guy from the shadows and then tearing the skin off his face with his fury is pretty metal. Respectable if nothing else. Did hiss at devils in hell. Pretty cool. Can't fault his master for liking this guy.
He thinks Adaine is pretty cool but not that cool. I don't think he has much of an opinion on her but he certainly respects someone who can throw a high level fire ball at your face. He likes that she scratches behind his ears in hound form (though he loudly complains about how he's not cute). He does not complain when Adaine wants to ride him, unlike with Kristen. Kristen, like, it's not that he dislikes Kristen he has just seen her fall on her face with her negative three dexterity and would be embarrassed if she mounted him outside of battle (where it's necessary and he's learned not to be picky). I don't have much else to say on the girls? Idk.
Other than the Bad Kids he definitely is fond of Ragh because he's a strong dude bro and close friend of Fabian, however he'd probably prefer if Ragh didn't get on him because he moves too much and probably leaves food stains lmao. I think he'd looooove Mazey. Ohhh strong bard lady my master likes. He tries to be extra cool around her so Fabian looks cooler. He's a bro, man's best friend or something. Mazey also probably gives good scritch-scratches she has the vibes.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months ago
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you are so whimsical i qant to check out this mdzs (..??) because of your whimsical nature thank you sorry im very high and your art moved me emotionally
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This is simultaneously the sweetest and funniest thing someone has sent me, thank you.
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sixoclocker · 8 months ago
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hi (makes starlo a red giant star early)
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hey lol (steals all of his hydrogen EARLY so he’s FUCKED UP and RED instead of a MAIN SEQUENCE STAR and he can’t NUCLEAR FISSION!!!!)
here’s an extra doodle
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he can talk in full sentences but a lot of the time it’s just too taxing along with everything else he has to worry about
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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okay, this is a halfway to 7k unedited fantasy au snippet! Out Of Context as usual!
some warnings for this one: blood, gore, major character injury, graphic description of injury <3 i had fun w/ it not sorry <3
~
The front door slams open, stalling all conversation inside. A flash of lightning illuminates the two forms huddled in the doorway, one considerably larger than the other.
Barnaby staggers a half-step inside, dripping water all over the floor. That alone has Howdy putting down the glass and moving across the bar to better assess the situation. Eddie is struggling to support Barnaby’s listing weight, and both of them are clutching at Barnaby’s belly. They’re both soaked through.
Someone gasps, and the folks seated nearest to the door stand and back away, muttering in alarm. Howdy’s stomach plummets. Some of the water puddling on the floor is too dark to be just that. Barnaby’s front, under where his massive paw is clutched, is drenched dark as well. 
Eddie catches his eye - he looks wild with fear. 
“Out!” Howdy thunders. “Everyone out! I don’t care about your tabs or if you’re not done - if you have a room, go there, if you don’t, scram!”
Some people cast him and Eddie dirty looks, but they start to get up, grumbling all the while. Howdy couldn’t care less. Not when Barnaby is leaning so heavily on Eddie, his breathing so labored that Howdy can hear it amidst the shuffle and scrape of patrons leaving.
“What happened?” Julie yells, running across the room from the neighborhood booth. 
“Make sure everyone gets out,” Howdy says, redirecting her. Julie doesn’t look happy about it, but she complies. The patrons start to clear out faster with her aggressive ‘assistance’. Howdy throws his drying towel off to the side and nearly vaults over the bar to help support Barnaby. He reaches to sling Barnaby’s other arm over his shoulders-
“Don’t!” Eddie cries. He doesn’t let go from the wound, and Barnaby cringes away from Howdy with a breathy echo - “Don’t.”
“Why not?” Howdy says, panic rising in his throat. He looks closer at the wound Barnaby and Eddie are holding - this time he has to swallow down bile. Glistening, blood-slicked pink pulses under their hands. Barnaby whines softly. He’s terribly pale under his fur.
“Everyone’s gone!” Julie announces. 
Howdy snaps out of his horrified trance. He points at the bar. “Clear a spot on the floor for him on the floor, make sure we have room to work.”
Julie makes a frustrated noise but complies once again. Howdy slips around to Eddie’s side and trades places with him, but Eddie doesn’t let go of the wound. The sudden weight makes Howdy stumble, but he quickly widens his stance and starts shuffling them to the area Julie is clearing. They help Barnaby lower to the ground, and every pained whine and gasp is like an arrow to the heart. Eddie whispers apologies all the way down. Barnaby’s free paw leaves scratches in the bar’s cherry wood.
“Ed, I need you to get my supplies from my room,” Howdy says, rolling up his sleeves with quick, expert flicks.
Eddie looks at him like he’s crazy. “I can’t let go!” 
“I’m here to take your place - four arms are better than two, now get!” 
Eddie still hesitates, but slips away once Howdy puts all four of his hands where Eddie’s measly two were. It’s hot, and wet, and - and -
It becomes immediately clear that this is a wound they can’t fix, not without an extraordinarily talented healer. 
“Julie,” Howdy chokes out, “get Poppy.”
“Okay,” Julie says faintly, right behind him. She slowly backs away, and all at once sprints for the front door. A burst of fresh, rain-filled air blows inside before the door closes again. The cold shock makes Barnaby flinch and gasp. 
“Hold on, Barn.” Howdy forces himself to look at Barnaby’s face instead of the pulsing guts bulging from the gash someone sliced across his belly. The soaked fur under and around it looks purple. “Help will be here in a jiff, so don’t you go falling asleep on me.”
“Tryin’,” Barnaby wheezes, and his voice has never sounded so much like music, “tryin’ not to. It’s - stars, it hurts, Howdy-”
“I know, but you gotta hang in there, pal. Poppy will fix you right up.”
“I…” Barnaby makes a wretched noise that sounds like a sob, “I don’t wanna die.” He whines, a leg weakly kicking out as his guts twitch. “M’ not ready, Howds, m’ not…”
“You’re not going to die,” Howdy insists even as Barnaby’s blood soaks his hands and sleeves. 
He doesn’t want Barnaby to die, either, but who knows where Poppy is - there’s no guarantee that she’s home, and even if she is, her abode is clear across town. Julie is a fast runner, but in this weather… with such a distance…
Barnaby is going to die. 
Howdy will do his damned best to keep that from happening. 
Clattering precedes Eddie sprinting around the corner. He checks the bar hard, but doesn’t fall or flinch. He takes the hit and slides to his knees by Barnaby’s side and opens the pack. Howdy almost reaches out to rummage through it himself, but Barnaby’s paw starts to slip from the wound. 
“No no, none of that.” Howdy nudges it back into place with his knee and tries to jostle Barnaby with the same motion. “Eyes open and paw up, Barn.”
“Tryin’,” Barnaby whispers. His eyelids flutter in a vain attempt to stay open. His breathing rattles.
Howdy doesn’t need to tell Eddie what to look for, and thank the heavens for that, because Howdy doesn’t think he can look away from Barnaby’s pained features, much less form words that aren’t incoherent prayers to any god that will listen. Barnaby’s paw slips, and Howdy has to lunge to keep his insides from becoming his outsides. Just his hands aren’t enough - he needs to use his forearms. There’s so much of it. 
Eddie scoots forward and holds up a potion, and Howdy nearly howls in anguish. “Not that one! The healing potions - the red ones!”
“I know that!” Eddie snaps just as viciously, which is enough of a shock that Barnaby gains a moment of startled clarity. Eddie uses it to coax him to drink the golden energy potion. “I have some healin’ powers of my own - I can buy him more time than your bruise busters, and you’re fresh out of those, anyway!”
Out?
Howdy stares at his pack in horror. That’s right. He hasn’t restocked - oh, he’s a fool! He allowed himself to grow complacent and reliant on Eddie and Poppy’s healing. He has no time to thoroughly curse his inaction, as Barnaby’s paw comes back up to the wound, and his back arches as he wails his agony. The potion kicked in. Eddie quickly shoves his paw away again and holds his hands to the corner of the gash, his palms glowing orange.
“Oh, oh no,” Barnaby sobs, his boots and claws scraping wood, “Ed, stop-!”
“I’m sorry,” is all Eddie says. He shoves Barnaby’s paw aside when he tries to pry Eddie away. Barnaby grabs for the nearest thing with his other paw, which happens to be Howdy’s thigh. Howdy bites back a pained hiss at the feeling of claws digging sharp through his pants. The cold water saturating Barnaby’s paw soaks the fabric in seconds, creating a contrast to the pinpricks of hot welling up under the claws.
Howdy eyes the healing glow and the strain on Eddie’s face. It won’t be enough - Howdy doubts it will give Barnaby any time at all. The thin corner of the gash slowly knits together, but the rest of it is too wide, too deep. The only reason Eddie can heal any of it at all is due to how clean the slice is. The blade that created this wound must have been freshly sharpened, or enchanted. Howdy can tell at a glance that it cut through Barnaby like a knife through marmalade. 
Eddie heals the other tapered end. He and Howdy exchange a glance - Howdy sees it in his eyes that the healing is just a platitude. Blood continues to soak Barnaby’s pants, Howdy’s, their hands, Howdy’s clothes, the floor. 
Abruptly, Howdy is keenly aware of how quiet the tavern is. Rain drums on the roof and thunder rolls outside. The fireplace crackles. How long will it take to scrub the blood out of the wood flooring? How long will Howdy spend staring at the scratches etched into the bar?  
“How- Howdy,” Barnaby says. He isn’t gripping Howdy’s leg as hard anymore, but he gives it a weak squeeze. “Gotta tell ya - hng - somethin’. Shoulda… told ya sooner, but-”
“Save it for later,” Howdy says quickly. “You can gab all you want when you’re better.”
There likely won’t be a later, or better, and that’s half the problem. Call Howdy selfish, but he won’t let Barnaby make this hurt more than it already does. More than it will. He would rather live with a might’a than a could’a.
Barnaby knows it, because his eyes mist up and he nods weakly. “Yeah. When I’m… when I’m better. Can I ask a fa-favor?”
“Anythin’,” Eddie murmurs. Howdy had forgotten he’s there.
“Find Wally for me?”
Eddie lays a bloody hand on Barnaby’s arm, steely determination flashing in his eyes. “We will. I swear it on my patron’s light.”
“That’s a…” Barnaby pauses to grimace and swallow thickly, “a big promise, Ed.”
“I’ll make sure he keeps it,” Howdy says.
“M’ sure you will. But, but… if Wally really is gone… hey, I’ll say hi to ‘em for ya.” Barnaby manages a shaky half-smile. “At least that’d be one - one good thing ta’ come outta this, huh?”
Howdy’s composure cracks. He chokes down sobs as he slumps over Barnaby, uncaring of the awkward position or the insides sandwiched against his front, drenching his apron and shirt with blood. He hides his tears in Barnaby’s cold, waterlogged ear. Barnaby uses what little strength he has left to turn his head, weakly nuzzling the side of Howdy’s face. His breath is warm. Weak, but warm.
Distantly, Howdy hears Eddie curse and ask “Where are they?” The clink of his armor fades, and the door opens just enough to let in the scent of rain. Howdy hears more than feels Barnaby breathe it in. As close as they are, Howdy can hear the wet rattle in Barnaby’s chest.
Should Howdy do something to make him more comfortable? Would Barnaby’s herbs ease his pain? Even if it would, if anything would, Howdy can’t let go. That would hurt him more, and Howdy refuses to give up that tiny sliver of hope that something can be done. 
The door slams open to let in a thunder of footsteps. Howdy snaps upright, and he’s certain that if he didn’t have a job to do, he’d collapse. 
“Oh dear, oh-” Poppy squawks loud enough to make everyone cringe, her feathers fluffing up. “My feathers, that’s! Oh! That is much worse than what you told me!”
“One can hardly fault her,” Sally says before Julie can respond. She kneels by Howdy with Poppy right behind her. “Are you with us, Barnaby?”
No response. 
Howdy goes cold. “Barn?”
Sally briskly taps Barnaby’s cheek until he twitches, his eyelids barely lifting before falling shut once more. “Still with us!”
If Howdy wasn’t already crying, he’d start now.
“Can you fix it?” Eddie asks from off to the side.
Julie paces anxiously. “Of course she can! Poppy’s the best healer for miles, there’s nothing she can’t do. Right, Poppy? He’ll be up and joking in no time!”
“I.” Poppy’s feathers shake as she dances them over the open wound. “I will most certainly try, but I can’t do it on my own. It’s too severe for my magic to do much of anything. Sally, dear-”
“No,” Sally says immediately, her glow dimming. “You cannot be serious, I won’t - I simply will not-”
“You must. We all need to work together - Howdy and Eddie need to hold the wound shut. It won’t just be you.”
“We need to what now?” Eddie says, even as he settles on Howdy’s other side. “What’s going on?”
Howdy feels sick. “You and I have to make sure his insides stay inside, while Sally will-”
“Sally won’t,” Sally says. “As much of a nuisance as he likes to make himself, Barnaby is my friend! I could never-”
“Then you’re alright with losing him!”” Howdy snarls. “Perhaps you’d like to trade places with me and feel him die under your hands instead!”
Sally gapes at him, stricken. Her mouth flaps for a moment before she shuts it firmly and turns to the wound, lifting her hands. 
“What does she have to do?” Julie asks.
Everyone ignores her - not out of unkindness. Poppy nods to Eddie and Howdy. Eddie places his hands in the spaces where Howdy can’t completely reach. They exchange a glance and push.
There was a time when Howdy received an overpacked shipment of linked sausages. He had no room to store it yet, but the sack it arrived in tore. Shoving them back in - even with all four of his hands - was nigh impossible. It was impressive how the sausages had managed to fit at all, because the sack was certainly too small. 
Shoving Barnaby’s guts back into his stomach is a lot like that.
Barnaby cringes and moans in his nearly-unconscious state, feebly trying to get away from what is certainly agonizing pain. His brow bunches up, and he whines high in his throat. 
Howdy can’t spare a thought to it. Blood and organs squelch as Howdy and Eddie rush to cram it all inside - there’s no time for caution. As soon as the last slip of pink is inside - it’s so, so dark and red past the blue - they squeeze the wound shut to the best of their abilities. Barnaby sobs quietly.
“Now,” Poppy says, and Sally’s palms burn hot enough to make Howdy’s skin itch.
She holds her hands to the sealed gash, and Barnaby starts wailing. Too weak to thrash, he just writhes softly and keens, tears freely spilling down his face and carving dark tracks in his drying fur. His paw twitches around Howdy’s leg, claws digging in again like he wants to grab or yank or something.
“Almost there, Barn,” Howdy lies. Part of him wishes Barnaby would fall fully into unconsciousness. It would be dangerous, but at least he wouldn’t feel this. 
The acrid stench of burning fur and flesh fills Howdy’s nose. Sally and Eddie both gag. Heels rapidly click across the tavern as Julie sprints to the nearest waste bin, and she retches loudly into it. Howdy barely registers it - he’s barely breathing, himself. 
“Well done, all of you,” Poppy murmurs as Sally cauterizes. She holds her wingtips to the cooked flesh of the wound as Sally continues, and they glow coal red. The wound glows with it, the angry blistered flesh smooths and pales, and blue fur starts to grow back before their eyes. 
Barnaby’s paw falls from Howdy’s leg as he starts to slump, cries petering off into agonized whines. Poppy doesn’t seem alarmed, and Howdy just wants his pain to stop, so no one moves to keep him awake.
Soon, Sally has to shuffle in front of Howdy and Eddie to continue. They’re loath to move, so she awkwardly lies across their laps and reaches. As soon as she burns her way to the end that Eddie healed, Poppy gives them the all-clear. 
Eddie lets go first, slumping back on his heels. Sally is still draped across Howdy’s lap with her head pillowed on Eddie’s. The three of them catch their breath as they watch Poppy brush her healing feathers across Barnaby’s stomach. Julie staggers over to them and kneels next to Eddie. She leans against him, sniffling. Howdy doesn’t have it in him to protest when Eddie not only loops an arm around her shoulders, but around Howdy’s waist as well.
Barnaby is finally unconscious, his features slack  - Howdy places a hand on his chest to make sure, and the shallow rise and fall of it is more priceless than all the coin in the world. Howdy slowly sits. His hand trails down as Poppy pulls her wings back, and his fingertips dance on the silvery smooth line of a fresh scar. 
“I’ve done all I can,” Poppy says with a gusty sigh. “So have the rest of you - again, well done. You all did splendidly.”
“I don’t feel splendid,” Sally croaks.  
“Well… you are. Quite splendid. Let’s get him up and to a bed.” Poppy’s first attempt at standing fails. Sally all but leaps up to help support her, and she laughs nervously. “I’m afraid that took quite a bit out of me. There was more to heal than I expected, dear me.”
“Will he be okay?” Julie asks. 
Poppy looks at Barnaby with a soft, sad look in her eyes. “I can’t say for certain. It’s up to Barnaby, now… all we can do is make sure he’s comfortable. A-and keep a close eye on him! There could be, ah… complications. Infections, and the like. Mh, I’m sure it won’t come to that, though. Sally’s fire should have burned out anything nasty.”
Howdy belatedly realizes that he needs to help carry Barnaby. He kneels on shaky legs and gently maneuvers Barnaby’s dead wei- unconscious weight to the side. Howdy slips his upper arms under Barnaby’s, using his lower set to help support his back. Eddie takes one side, Sally and Julie take the other. Poppy does her best to help, but she can only lift Barnaby’s unbloodied leg with her beak. 
They shuffle their way to a ground floor room. There’s plenty, but Howdy once again chooses to be selfish and brings them to one near to his own. Near is subjective - Howdy lives on the second floor, but the staircase to his private suite is as close to Barnaby’s temporary room as it can get. Barnaby will be sleeping right below Howdy. If anything happens, he’ll hear.
They get Barnaby onto the bed, and all of them breathe sighs of relief - and mild pain, in Eddie’s case as he stretches his back. Poppy asks for Julie to stay and assist her with getting Barnaby adjusted. 
Howdy doesn’t wait for a dismissal. He stumbles his way out of the room with Sally and Eddie in tow, his heart jackrabbiting. It feels like he grabbed hot coals, or swallowed a bolt of lightning. He’s shaky and ill and he just held Barnaby’s intestines in his hands.
Howdy leans over the bar and blindly grabs a bottle from underneath it. He uncorks it with his mouth, spits the cork to the side, and starts chugging. The alcohol burns as it goes down. It’s cheap, bitter, and easy to focus on. He comes up for breath with a small gasp and coughs, wincing at the aftertaste.
Cleaning supplies clatter as Eddie brings them out of the supply closet - Howdy wasn’t aware he knew where that was. It’s just a bucket of water and a scrubber. Not that he’ll do much good. He’s still caked in blood and mud. Dishes clink as Sally cleans up the ample messes that the patrons left behind. Howdy takes another swig and stares blankly at the shelf behind the bar.
The blank eyes of the Wally-puppet stare back at him. At least the real Wally wasn’t here to see that. Howdy doesn’t know what he would have done, or how he would have reacted… best not to imagine. In any case, Howdy hopes that by the time they find Wally, this whole experience will be nothing but another story. 
Howdy goes to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand - oh. Right. It’s still covered in blood. All four of them are. The blood glistens when Howdy holds out his hands. It’s warm and tacky, clinging to his fingers like sap as he spreads them. 
It’s Barnaby’s blood. 
These hands were inside of Barnaby’s gutted stomach, and Howdy can still feel the sickening heat and the way it all pulsed and twitched and-
Howdy copies Julie’s example and vomits into the nearest acceptable receptacle. The alcohol tastes better going the other way, even if it burns worse. 
Once the dry heaving stops, Howdy sinks to the ground, shaking with silent sobs. His legs curl up and he presses the heels of his upper hands to his forehead, hugging himself with his lower arms. The crimson-soaked fabric of his shirt squishes and sticks to his skin.
Everything Sally carries rattles, and every few minutes something falls. Chipped cups, shattered plates, clattering platters. After each breakage, she picks up the shards and keeps clearing the tables. The constant swish, swish, swish of scrubber bristles on wood fill the silence between rattling dishware and rolls of thunder. Eddie scrubs at the one spot on the floor, where Barnaby sat. The water he pours and scrubs quickly turns pink, then red. 
The door opens, letting in yet another gust of air. It slowly closes, and Frank’s shrill voice cries out, “What in the heavens happened in here?”
Anger rises sharply in Howdy’s gut - and vanishes as soon as it came. There’s no use in being mad at Frank - they didn’t explicitly go with Eddie and Barnaby on their day trip. He was gathering information. There was no way he could have known what would happen. 
Frank belatedly notices the thick trail of blood on the floor, and sidesteps it before rushing to Eddie. “Is everyone okay? Who’s hurt? That’s not your blood, is it-”
“It’s not mine,” Eddie says, not looking away from his task. Swish, swish, swish. When Frank reaches for him, he waves them off. “Stay back, it’s a mess. I’ll take care of it - I’m taking care of it.”
He isn’t taking care of it.
Frank takes a step back, his eyes wide enough that Howdy can see the whites of them clear across the tavern. Frank looks over the trail of blood, the puddle, bootprints, the smeared handprints, and the sheer amount coating not only Eddie, but Howdy too. Sally doesn’t make a move to acknowledge Frank as she stacks wood platters and ceramic plates. More blood stains her from where she kneeled in it, and laid across Howdy and Eddie. 
A scraaaaape precedes Julie backing into the tavern proper with a large tub of steaming water. Howdy makes a desperate sound and scrambles over to it. He thrusts his arms into the water and scrubs furiously at his skin and sleeves, ignoring the burn of the slightly too-hot temperature. Julie’s stare sears into him for only a moment before she takes a shuddering breath and steps out of the splash zone. 
“Frank!” she says a touch too loudly, oozing false cheer. “You’re back! Did you find anything?”
“Did I - what does that matter! Julie, what’s going on?”
“Oh, Barnaby got a little hurt, but he’s resting now.”
Frank incredulously gestures to the tavern’s general state. “A little hurt?”
“Barnaby’s fine now,” Julie reiterates. “Poppy is taking care of him.”
“How did - why did - what -”
Howdy slowly stops scrubbing. His skin feels raw under his fuzz as he stands, water sluicing from his arms. He unties his apron as he returns to the bar and tosses it over a stool. He sits on the one next to it and snatches the open bottle of - whatever it is. It’s alcohol. That’s what matters. He rests his head in his hands between acrid swigs. 
“Everything is okay! Poppy is the best healer around, it’s nothing she can’t handle,” Julie chirps. No one calls her out on the proven lie. She starts collecting straggling dishes alongside Sally. “We’re just helping Howdy clean up.”
In his periphery, Howdy catches Frank side-eyeing him. He chugs from the bottle for a moment and slams it back down, if only to make a point. Frank is the only one to jolt at the sharp bang.
Frank slowly crouches by Eddie, frowning deeper than normal. He mutters something too quiet for Howdy to hear from the other end of the bar. Eddie says something back - Frank lays a hand on his shoulder, and Howdy scowls miserably into his drink. His thigh itches.
Swish, swish- the scrubber finally stills. Eddie shoots to his feet, his armor clattering loudly, and he steadies himself against the counter as his other hand flies to his forehead. “Oh no. Oh, no…”
Everyone stills, and the tension in the room thickens palpably. 
“What is it?” Frank asks.
Eddie looks at Howdy with horror in his eyes. “We lost Wormie. Barn dropped his hat when we were ambushed - there was no time to stop. We couldn’t…”
“Show me,” Howdy says, leaping off of his stool and charging for the door. Eddie follows hot on his heels.
The rain is freezing. It soaks Howdy through to the bone as soon as he steps out from under the tavern awning.
Howdy doesn’t dare go back to get a coat, even if all he has on are his thin work clothes. The cold nearly knocks the breath out of him, but he focuses on the alcohol warm in his stomach and plunges into the storm. He slows just enough to let Eddie - and, apparently, Sally - pass him. She carves a way through the pitch black night.
Mud saturates Howdy’s boots and the cuffs of his pants. It sticks unpleasantly to his skin and only worsens the chill as they run past dark buildings. Few windows glow orange, proving how late it’s gotten. There’s no way of knowing how long it’s been since Barnaby was injured. Even with Sally,’s light, it’s going to be impossible to find Wormie in this weather.
Howdy’s eyes burn as they leave the town’s muddy streets and plunge into the terribly dark forest. What if they don’t find her? The thought is almost too much to bear. Howdy doesn’t think he could face Barnaby when - if - he wakes up. They’ve already lost Wally, and that alone has had Barnaby in shambles. But if they lost his beloved little worm, too? 
It feels like they run through the woods for hours. Eddie keeps slipping and tripping, but manages to keep his legs under him. Howdy’s mind whirls with what-ifs and maybes and hows and whys. Eddie and Barnaby were ambushed so far away - why did they come to Howdy’s tavern instead of going right to Poppy’s? How horrible was it to go all the way into town in that state, in this weather? What if Wormie drowned, or was trampled, frozen, taken -
“I think it was here,” Eddie shouts over the thunder and rain. A flash of lightning illuminates the ground through the waving treetops. 
“You think?” Sally says. Howdy wishes he had said it first - now is not the time for Eddie’s navigational dysfunction! 
“I don’t know, Sally! I wasn’t really paying attention on account of keepin’ Barn’s insides from spillin’ everywhere!” Eddie doesn’t say it to be cruel, Howdy knows.
It doesn’t stop him from feeling unsteady all over again, or stop Sally’s glow from dimming. He glances around like he expects to see more blood, though even if this is the correct area, the rain has washed any evidence away. Howdy turns in a circle, tangling his upper hands in his hair. 
There’s no way of knowing. There’s no way of finding such a tiny, sweet little creature- lightning flashes, catching on leather outside of Sally’s glow.
Howdy lunges for the hat, uncaring of how his knees sink deep into frigid mud as he snatches it up. The hat is grimy, but undamaged. Even Ms. Beagle’s feather is intact. But when Howdy turns it over, his heart sinks.
Nothing inside.
Nothing on the ground around it either, even when he digs through the mud to make sure. Eddie hesitantly touches Howdy’s shoulder, and Sally’s warm glow envelops his back. 
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says. He sniffles. “I should’ve grabbed her. I should’ve-”
“You prioritized our bard,” Sally says. “We can’t fault you for that.”
They can’t. Howdy… Howdy wants to, but he can’t find it in himself. He’s cold, he’s tired, he wants to go make sure Barnaby is being taken care of. He looks around a final time, blinking against the rainwater pouring over his eyes.
Nothing but muddy soil, bushes, trees, darkness. 
Howdy clutches the hat to his chest and stands, stumbling slightly. His friends steady him, and his face pinches. He shouldn’t have drank so much at once. It’s finally getting to him, and soon he’ll be of no use at all. He can already feel the faint buzz in his head.
“We’ll come back in the morning,” Sally promises, tugging gently on his lower arm.
Howdy makes a pained noise. She won’t make it to morning. It’s too cold, she’s too small. All they’ll find is her little frozen body. 
“Hold on.” Eddie holds out an arm to stop them. “Can you hear that?”
“It’s impossible to hear anything over this storm,” Sally says. 
“No, no… I’m sure I heard something. It was a - a little, it was a little…”
Peep.
Howdy’s waterlogged antennae snap upright, and he whips around to stare at a nearby tree. A past storm must have nearly blown it over, as half of the base seems uprooted. Gnarled roots arc and tangle out of the ground. Howdy falls to his knees in front of the dark hole under the trunk. 
Another peep comes from inside.
“Sal, I need your light,” Howdy says, fumbling for her. Her golden glow fills the space, and he nearly sobs. 
Wormie squints up at them, curled into a tiny ball and shaking like the wet leaves she lies on. Mud covers her colors - if her eyes weren’t open, one could mistake her for a twig. Her harness blends into the rest of her. She peeps again. 
“Hey, gal,” Howdy murmurs, reaching into the shelter. Her antennae make a feeble attempt at raising, and she stretches her neck out towards his fingers. He slips them underneath her and lifts her out, making sure to shield her from the rain with his body. 
“Thank the stars,” Eddie says wetly. “For a moment there I thought we lost her.”
Howdy curls his fingers around Wormie, his heart breaking at how violently she shakes. 
“Should I take her? She must be freezing, the poor thing” Sally says, holding out a hand. Howdy holds her out, and Wormie lifts her head as Sally’s warm glow washes over her. She blinks at the offered trade, then drops her head and nestles into Howdy’s palm. Sally retracts her hand. “Apparently not.”
Howdy hooks the hat over that hand, and Wormie lets out a mournful peep. He lets Sally and Eddie pull him through the forest, staying hunched over the hat and murmuring reassurances. He starts quietly crying again at some point. The rain washes away his tears and sounds. By the time they return to the tavern, he’s exhausted himself. They all stumble through the doorway as a soaked, grimy trio.
Julie and Frank flurry over to fuss over them, but Howdy staggers past their worries. All he knows through the cotton in his head is that he needs a hot bath. He leaves their chatter behind and makes his way down the hallway, only pausing to listen at Barnaby’s door. 
Poppy is humming to herself. Howdy sags against the wall for a moment, taking solace in how calm she sounds. For a moment, he imagines going inside and resting at Barnaby’s bedside, but… later, he promises himself. When he’s in clean clothes and feels less like collapsing. 
Climbing the stairs to his room is a feat in itself, but Howdy manages it without tripping over the steps. He closes his door behind him and sighs, tempted to just fall asleep on the floor and deal with everything later. But Wormie is still shivering in his hand, and he might as well kill two birds with one stone. 
The hat is placed on the table for cleaning. Howdy hates to let go of Wormie, but he places her on the crown while he runs a bath. Not for the first time he thanks his past self for investing in this revolutionary tech called plumbing. All he needs to do is turn a valve, and hot water pours right into a fixed tub in the corner of his large, open room. 
For a long moment he yanks at the valve, not understanding why it’s not working- ah. He’s turning it the wrong way. He blinks forcibly and twists the right way, and water pours out. He watches it drain until it registers that he should plug the tub. 
Oh, the headache he’s going to have when he wakes up…
Howdy strips as he makes his way back over to Wormie, leaving unsalvageable clothing items strewn about. It’s a blessing in disguise that he was drenched by the rain - it kept all of the blood from drying, so his shirt and pants come off easily instead of sticking to his skin. He’s still stained red underneath them. Howdy undoes his ponytail and picks up Wormie. He carefully loosens her harness and slides it off, revealing a patch of spring blue and green bands underneath. 
He holds her to his chest as he steps into the filling tub. Steam rises off of it, and it clears his stuffed sinuses. He inhales it grateful and sinks into the water, clenching his teeth when it laps over the punctures in his thigh. He closes the valve and settles with a groan.
Wormie peeps at him and looks over the side of his hand at the water with longing in her big eyes. Howdy carefully lowers her until the warm water pools over his palm. Wormie finally stretches out as he rubs his thumb over her. Mud flakes and sloughs off of her, and she wriggles happily. She dunks her face and thrashes a little to properly soak herself. He gently runs a soap bar over her until she’s nearly white from the suds, and lowers her into the water so only her head floats on the surface.
Once she’s clean, Howdy grabs a small hand towel off of a nearby shelf, soaks it, and piles it on the side of the tub. He places Wormie on it and she happily starts burrowing. It occurs to him that he could look for some sort of floatation device for her, so that she could splash around to her tiny heart’s content, but just the thought is exhausting. So, a waterlogged towel it is. 
Before Howdy completely ruins the water by scrubbing more blood and mud into it, he washes his hair. The rain had already undone the ‘do, so at least he doesn’t have to scrub out the styling paste. He squeezes the water out as best as he can and slicks it back.
Watching the red caking his skin dissipate into the water is nothing short of a relief. He stops when he gets to the minor injury Barnaby left him - he can’t tell if he bled or not. If he did, it was overshadowed by Barnaby’s blood. He sits on the edge of the tub to better inspect it.
The wounds are shallow and nothing to write home about. They don’t need bandaging, though even if they did, the time for that has long since passed. Barnaby must not be dulling his claws like he usually does. Thankfully they weren’t entirely sharp, or Howdy suspects he’d have much larger holes in his thigh. Three punctures on the outside, one on the inside. Howdy opens the water valve a smidge just to wet a fresh towelette and properly clean the wounds. It would help no one to get them infected - Poppy needs to save her energy for Barnaby.
By the time he’s satisfied with his cleanliness - if he weren’t so tired, he’d have gone for a fourth round of soap - Wormie is dozing in her damp towel. He opens the drain before grabbing a fresh hand towel, this one dry. He carefully lifts Wormie out of it and wraps her in the soft fabric. Her eyes open for only a moment before she settles again, purring. 
For a long few minutes, Howdy just sits and holds her, watching her antennae twitch as she falls asleep. He absentmindedly rubs the towel, and Wormie’s purring increases as she’s dried. 
The sound of the last of the water draining pulls Howdy’s attention away from the tiny animal. He carefully gets out of the tub and puts Wormie back on the table, still wrapped up. Once again, he looks longingly at his bed. 
Howdy dries off and dresses in loose sleep pants and leaves it at that, not wanting to bother with a shirt. He rarely sleeps with one on, anyway. Too much of a hassle. He slips Wormie out of her towel and brings her downstairs, once again having to move slowly with much paid attention as to not fall with his leaden legs.
Poppy emerges from the room as Howdy reaches the ground floor. She turns and startles. “Oh! Howdy, you startled me. You look much better… though your hair is still wet - you’ll catch a cold if you leave it like that.”
Is it? Howdy brushes his fingertips over cold strands plastered to his neck. Oops. 
“Are you alright? You look quite unsteady…” Poppy comes over to him and squawks softly, her neck pulling back. “Is that alcohol? Howdy, are you drunk?”
Howdy shrugs one shoulder. Talking takes focus and time, but he manages, “I may be a little tipsy. No worries.”
“Many worries, dear.” 
“How is he?” Howdy deflects as he walks past her, partially leaning against the wall. He nudges open the door and rests against the doorframe. The blankets cast over the small room’s bed rise and fall in stark contrast to how shallow Barnaby was breathing earlier. 
“On the mend,” Poppy murmurs, following him inside. He slumps into the armchair already pulled up to the bed. “He might sleep for some time… he’s been through quite an ordeal. Anyone would be tired after so much healing, let alone after… well.”
Howdy carefully places Wormie on Barnaby’s neck. She stirs, and starts forcibly purring as soon as she registers the shade of blue underneath her. She doesn’t perform her usual party-seizure like she usually does when seeing Barnaby - she just burrows into his fur. Howdy has to wonder if she’s simply exhausted, or if she can tell that something is wrong. 
“I don’t believe we’ll encounter any complications with his health, thank goodness” Poppy says. “By my estimates, he should be up and moving within the week. I’d like him to remain on bedrest for a few days more than strictly necessary, but I doubt he’ll want to stay put.”
If Howdy weren’t so worn out, he’d tear up yet again. 
Of course he won’t stay. Barnaby will charge out the door as soon as he’s able, hellbent as he is on finding Wally. No one can blame him. The others will likely continue the search tomorrow, if not the next day. All Howdy can hope is they find something promising for Barnaby to wake up to.
He crosses his upper arms on the bed and pillows his head on them. He fights to keep his eyelids open, watching Barnaby’s peaceful face. He looks calm, his features holding no hint of pain. A warm weight drapes over Howdy. 
He starts to lift his head, but Poppy says, “It’s just a blanket. Rest, Howdy, you need it. Barnaby will be here when you wake up.”
Howdy means to thank her, but the word comes out as a weary sigh. He lets his eyes slide shut, and slips into deep sleep a second later.
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wildstar25 · 8 months ago
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What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?
(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)
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Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:
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#ffxiv#wolship#g'raha tia#y'shtola rhul#wolgraha#wolshtola#y'shtola x wol#arsay nun#graharshtola#y'shtola calling arsay a pain in her side is very much an affectionate thing btw#and i couldnt pass up the joke of g'raha giving the sweet gentlemanly response only for yshtola to be like 'tits tbh'#her defaulting to an answer that would probably stop the conversation before she has to talk to much about her deeper feelings imo#i have. a lot of feelings about yshtola and arsay's friendship#someone who is constantly trying to build walls between herself and others vs someone who desperately wants to form real connections#its not a 'wearing that person down' type situation either#just one lonely person seeing another lonely person and hoping that they could be less lonely together#or that she could at least bring some cheer to#and idk yshtola strikes me as the type to have been like 'if they want to be my friend they have to work for it'#which arsay certainly did#i could ramble on and on how their friendship lines up so well with yshtolas character development but theres a limit to these tags#so just look at how cute shtola is with the slightest blush on her cheeks#graha is a much more complicated topic since he went from Extreme adoration to I want to be her friend but I dont think im good enough#to 100% Hero worship again to Shes my hero and I love her to Shes a person and I love her#to I love Arsay. Even the parts she can't love in herself. I will love all of her till my dying breath.#he thinks shes the most beautiful person in the world and the most important thing in his life#but he now knows how insane she's been about being everyone's hero and he really doesnt want to feed that beast#so hes trying to build her up in other ways#focusing more on the adventuring side than the saving the world side#and then there is arsay who loves so much about her partners and is in capable of narrowing it down to any one thing so its#'here let me list everything that comes to mind right now' with 0 shame or filter
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jaggedjot · 6 months ago
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When naming the members of the Théâtre des Vampires, Armand introduces Louis and Claudia to their “playwright in residence”, one Samuel Barclay (“Sam. Call me Sam.”). This is almost certainly a reference to Samuel Barclay Beckett, the famous modernist writer, theatre director and playwright. The style of theatre that Beckett was instrumental in creating, the so-called Theatre of the Absurd, with its focus on existentialism and tragicomic tones, shares some notable characteristics with the plays shown at the Théâtre des Vampires; Louis’ complaint that “They were weird! And always ended in death or some kind of cruel, barely motivated violence.” feels affectionately pointed. Beckett’s most famous work, Waiting for Godot, has also been confirmed by a reviewer to appear in the show (“Santiago fuming about the lack of action in a vampiric version of Waiting for Godot”). The choice of name and the inclusion of a play that was written during this period of Louis and Armand’s lives (“The Paris Albums, 1946-1949.”) but did not premiere until 1953, could suggest that Sam is meant to be the man himself. 
This is not the first time the show has played with the idea that a famous writer may have been a vampire, however, unlike Emily Dickinson, Beckett was alive and working in Paris until his death in 1989. Considering the ending of the show’s source material, it seems unlikely that Sam will live that long unless he independently parts ways with the Théâtre des Vampires. It is also notable that, if intended to be a cameo, Sam has been quite underplayed compared to historical figures like Jelly Roll Morton and Jean-Paul Sartre. Though the supposed playwright for the company, Sam is shown selling tickets for the performance and collecting laundry rather than, say, giving notes on that night’s performance. Sam is presented as apart from the other members of the coven; absent during their prank on Louis and Claudia, not joining in the ensuing greetings, and leaving during the introductions. This framing of the character suggests that he is therefore not intended to be the real Beckett. Perhaps then the name was chosen by Sam himself in an attempt to emulate a writer he admires. Perhaps it is meant to further emphasise the strangeness of the supposed playwright for the company having the least interaction with its members, while only being shown to perform menial tasks. Or perhaps this is simply a reference made by a team of writers with backgrounds in theatre.
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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 1 month ago
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i have another 9+ hour drive ahead of me tomorrow you know what that means. another deep dive into the spotify solavellan playlists to forage for fruits...........
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border-collie · 2 months ago
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To do dock with Saga or not to do dock with Saga
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downsteepy · 4 months ago
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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chiropteracupola · 2 years ago
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the amount of time I spend on tumblr dot com has given me quite the set of standards when it comes to artworks on the theme of 'Trans Angel', and actual museums are failing to meet those standards quite spectacularly.
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divinekangaroo · 8 months ago
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a home painted bright with blood and thorns - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]
Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | (COMPLETE)
After the S4-S6 election/marriage, pre-S5. Some months into Tommy and Lizzie's marriage.
This frequently absent father and husband considers that he often does his best work in extreme circumstances: time pressure, resource constraints, situational uncertainty, high stakes, and gross emotional wounding. He knows what to do, doesn't he?
No matter what sort of internal spiralling disaster cascade he's busily ignoring inside. No matter what badly considered spur of the moment decisions he makes to get through the moment that he might pay for later. No matter what—
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Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Charles Shelby, Ruby Shelby, Arthur Shelby, Frances, Various Shelby Household Maids, Charles Strong, Cyril the Dog, | Domesticity, Intimacy, Menstruation, Bodily Fluids, Bodily Solids, Bodily Functions, Babies, Lactation, Mental Health Issues, Repression, Abusive Families (Past), Attempts at Communicating, Trying Hard, Family Trauma, Family Feels, Nail-Biting, Household Dynamics, Absent Father, Avoidance, Deflection, Trying Sooooooooooo Hard, Distress, Comfort Sex, Dysfunctional Family, Contraception, Spiralling, Intrusive Thoughs, Mild Paranoia, Grief, The Lasting Legacy of Catholicism, Fear of Mental Illness
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#peaky blinders#my writing#peaky blinders fanfic#tommy x lizzie#charles shelby#ruby shelby#arthur shelby#Guest Starring the Ghosts Of (Mrs Shelby)(Alfie Solomons)(Grace Shelby)(all them other hauntings on the January)#the many times i weave sabini's assault into things; of all the horrible matters inflicted on tommy it's *that* one which burns me#i think it's because S2 is where the things done to him and that he is forced to do collapse the possibility of his recovery#so it's almost as if childhood was being forced to line up for war; wwi was being forced to climb the cliff;#s2 is where he's kicked off the cliff despite him clinging on all season; then it's all hitting the rocks on the way down from then#this was a fascinating writing experience because i handwrote it all first in one week late Feb then did a type-up and detailed edit#still contemplating what this experience has taught me about writing mediums/forms#certainly i could not do it with longer chapters but i *could* do it with a longer story#seems 2500 words makes a decent scene/chapter size of managable editability on a progressive basis#i know lots of fellow writers do the 'why do you talk so much about wordcount just write' but when time is limited the size/format-#-significantly impacts my ability to be productive. like the difference between doing a full scale wall mural versus a handsketch i need to#-match the form to the available window to produce the form#(remembering that one time i did a full wall mural: duration measured by all 6 seasons of X-Files running in the background whilst doing it
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if-you-got-a-heart-at-all · 1 month ago
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pour one out for the 1d rpf writers 🍷
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hexjulia · 3 months ago
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The pretend bites she takes while making eyecontact thing my bird does when i give her food she doesn't like is so funny. Who taught her about faking enjoyment out of politeness... when you turn your head away you can see her throwing it to the ground out of the corner of your eye.
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yzafre · 10 months ago
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Things I should have been doing with my creative time: writing
What I did instead: started on.... this thing
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