#celebrity dumbassery

[satireinfo]

Poll Reveals 87% Say Matthew Perry Was a Dumbass

Poll Reveals 87% Say Matthew Perry Was a Dumbass: A Deep Dive into Ketamine, Overdoses, and the Dumbassery of It All Why Overdosing on Horse Tranquilizers is Hollywood’s New Definition of Stupid Hollywood, CA — In an unexpected yet somehow unsurprising turn of events, a recent poll has revealed that 87% of respondents think Matthew Perry is a dumbass. This comes on the heels of revelations about…

[beaulesbian]

gotta love that the anime added some frames when the strawhats were escaping from the marines at the end of enies lobby, and very injured luffy still wanting to help and fight

and they just use him to repel the incoming attack, same as in the manga asdksffd

monster trio being idiots again (affectionate) ✌️

[devilsskettle]

people will say that it’s stupid for a character to read from the book of the dead as if it’s a flaw of the evil dead movies. that’s a feature of the plot, not a plot hole

[lychinberry]

Ah...I forgot that Talkfest is 10/9 days away.

I better do my sky mask.

[kagehina-fanfic-library]

Do you have any marriage fics with them still playing matches on opposite teams? I hope it's not too specific, sorry!

okay okay this is a really good prompt I have a few that should fit what you're looking for, some engagement, some married and some where they play on the same team so I'll just dump them all here!!

sailing to the top by aoiberi

desc- Tobio Kageyama, V. Leagues at the young age of 18, Olympian at 19, and currently Japan’s #1 setter, was undoubtedly one of the hottest 'alleged' bachelors in Japan. As per many celebrities, Kageyama is subject to many dating allegations and victim to various fan shippings. Fans go crazy as a certain 'Ninja Shouyou' makes his debut on the Japan stage and more ships are created.

Unbeknownst to the public, this particular ship has been sailing for a while - journeying together to reach the top of the world.

status- completed

professional announcements by emleewrites

desc- Someone had snapped a photo of them just as Hinata had pulled Tobio in for an jubilant kiss as they were leaving the restaurant – both of their faces flushed from joy and victory and a few too many beers. Almost immediately it was on Twitter, and then within hours it had gone viral.

“If we just say we’re married, that clears everything up,” Tobio suggests.

“Hmmm…” Hinata hums thoughtfully. “Because then everyone will know we’re not actually having a saucy love affair?”

“Yeah. We’re just… normal.”

“That sounds almost boring.”

Tobio gives him a withering look. “Do you want this to continue? We have interviews tomorrow.”

-In which Hinata and Kageyama wake up to find out that they're trending on Twitter - not because they won their game against France yesterday, but because they're apparently in a sordid love affair. In actuality, they're just married. All Kageyama wants to do is sleep in.

status- completed

your whole life on your play by emleewrites

desc- “Did you just-“

“Yes.”

“Did you just propose to me?” Kageyama wheezes.

“Yes.”

“We aren’t- we’re not even dating-“

“I know,” Shouyou says cheerfully, snuggling close again, pressing himself against Kageyama from chest to toes. He rubs his nose against his setter’s bridge and dances his fingertips across the nape of his neck. “I don’t care. Marry me anyway.”

-In which the game between the Jackals and the Adlers ends, and there are two proposals.

status- completed

On Great Rivalries and General Dumbassery by Nocturnal Nights

desc-It's not exactly that they were hiding the fact that they had been married for about 7 years now. It's that no one seemed to have caught on yet.

Or: Kageyama and Hinata may have forgotten to mention one very important part of their rivalry.

that's all I have for today, but lmk if I should post more time skip pics!!

[ehilikeshoney]

I know most of you have already celebrated Easter, but since I haven't yet, I used that as an excuse to draw some dumbassery

[the-ace-with-spades]

I'm in the middle of a renewed obsession with cooking shows (kitchen nightmares, top chef but mostly polish editition hell's kitchen; also, watched burnt, the movie with bradley cooper, again...) and cooking for myself again (not as good...) and my top gun brainrot consensus is

I need a Celebrity Chef! Bradley AU.

An AU where he and Mav still stopped speaking when the papers pulling thing happened and Bradley left for college but when Bradley didn't have much choice but to either cook his own food (alone, without Mav's help for the first time in his life) or to starve on his college budget, he discovered some ridiculously good cooking skills there.

And you know, maybe he started a part-time job in some restaurant that went onto some equivalent of kitchen nightmares and the chef being the face of that show saw something in him and offered him mentoring and then when said chef was offered leading a new hell's kitchen/master chef show, he was there as one of the team sous chefs.

Or maybe he's one of the contestants and he either wins or he is good enough that he catches the chef's eye and gets to work and train under them. And maybe then he becomes new season's sous chef as well.

Imagine Mav turning on the TV one evening to see if he can make the new cooking show into his new guilty pleasure and seeing Bradley's face on the screen.

But I need this AU mostly because I fully believe that when they meet one way or another (either through Mav or sometime before the TGM timeline by accident) Jake has no fucking idea who Bradley is. He doesn't watch TV, he doesn't eat fancy food, and Bradley totally doesn't look like the type (hawaiian shirts, old jeans, too chill, lives in a house that looks like it hasn't had new decorations or furniture since the 80s) so when Bradley tells him 'oh I just work at a restaurant, nothing exciting' he just assumes he's a waiter or a barman or something. At that point, Bradley has his own fancy restaurant (Michelin-starred), regularly makes it onto the TV screens and is a celebrity.

So Jake would do all those ridiculous things before he finds out --- try to impress Bradley by making him burgers from supermarket ground beef, telling him his ravioli is not that good when Bradley cooks for him, taking him on a date out to a hole-in-the-wall taco place, blatantly criticizing his apple crumble because 'it has nothing on his ma's apple pie' and he might or might not have said that Pizza Hut is an okay place to go eat on a date. (And, you know, Bradley was absolutely charmed by the confidence and the dumbassery and everything in general just being so Jake, and it's not like he's a total culinary snob, he remembers how he was raised, etc).

It'd be even funnier if Jake finds out through Mav. Like, Mav asks the team to come to a dinner with his family and Bradley is holed up in the kitchen and Jake like a good southern boy asks if they need help with the food and Mav goes all, "Oh no, don't go in there, he's going to eat you alive if you even think about offering to help. My kid is some big fancy chef, he barely lets me help."

And then Bradley comes out of the kitchen with the amuse-bouche (kinda, it's not like they're in a restaurant...) and Jake has a surprise of a century because one, Bradley is Maverick's son?? and two, he's a chef??

Jake and Bradley have a little back and forth about it and then the whole squad is like, "You're dating the Bradley Bradshaw? And you, sir, your son is the Bradley Bradshaw?" because they recognize him from the TV.

And Jake finds out that not only is his boyfriend his CO's kid, he is also a world-renowned celebrity chef. And then the daggers are 0h-ing and Ah-ing at the best food they've ever eaten and Jake still goes, "I've eaten better steak."

And Mav, who has seen Bradley's rage and heard his rants about people having no taste tenses up until Bradley laughs and says, "Will do better next time, baby."

Years down the line, Bradley always repeats in the interviews that his husband is his toughest critic.

Maybe he's even asked to be the face of a new hell's kitchen-like TV show and one of the challenges for his contestant is cooking something his husband will like. Also, maybe cooking something from Mav's recipes in a way that will remind him of his childhood...

(Bonus points if Bradley is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict person non grata just like Adam from the Burnt movie... also, maybe it was Mav who kicked his butt into recovery??)

[demonicallyslaying]

HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY BLOG :DDDDD

Thank you to all of my followers that help me strive to keep this shit up:

@coffin-spider

@mossse-700

@breezycatuwu

@yourlocalxiaosimp

@ticklefightqueen

@snivy1245

@mmmalmec

@ghost-171-blah

@ask-the-upper-moons

@1derica

@danineedshelp

@therianslaypotato

@forthefearofme

@pwushiiez

@quzq

@inkturnstoblood

@in-a-mello-mood

@ts-loria1n

@arabidp0ssum

@crackheadcalledc

and @cheezbot

To be entirely honest I didn’t think the blog would make it this far 😅 But I’m really glad it did! And I’m super happy and thankful for all of you guys supporting me! Let’s celebrate together🥳

P.S. you guys have really no idea how much this means to me. Knowing there are people out there that care about my thoughts and life really keeps me motivated and pretty chill! As you may or may not know, I���ve been struggling with my mental health since I was in fourth grade, especially with my not-so-great dad, and this, for me, is a great way to keep my self-esteem up and really just have a way to get my negative thoughts out. The fact you guys care enough about my thoughts and feelings to go as far as following me on social media makes me happier than you think!

Thank you again! Here’s to another amazing year of fun and dumbassery!

(term by @yourlocalxiaosimp)

🫂🥂

[coffeeandbatboys]

Hey babes! Congrats on 270 followers! That's amazing 🎉❤️

For the celebration req, can Fives with the number 5 (because reasons) and 🥹? Thanksssss

Thank you! I never really gave it much thought till now and I looked to see this morning and was like whoa...😂

Prompt is: Tracing Scars

The maniacal laughter and excitement when I saw this.

warnings: injuries, general domino twin dumbassery. Soft and fluffy Fives is literally a mood.

My Mesh'la (Fives x Reader)

Fives lay with his head in your lap as one of your hands rested in his hair and the other danced across his chest, following the lighter, jagged lines scrawled over his bronze skin.

His soft brown eyes held the purest adoration as they gazed up at you.

You let out a small laugh. "Are you gonna keep staring at me, Fives?"

"Mhmm." He hummed, tilting his head back with a smile. "I could stare at my Mesh'la forever."

"Well if that's the case, then I could stare at my Mesh'la forever, too."

He pushed his bottom lip into a pout but a mischievous glint stayed in his eyes.

"You have a Mesh'la? Who is it?"

You cackled a second, whacking your palm into his shoulder.

"Its you, idiot. You're my Mesh'la."

The happy smile returned to his face. Your index finger traced a scar on his shoulder. One that you didn't know the story behind. Yet.

"Where's this one from?" You asked, softly pressing on the marred flesh.

"Oh, maker not that one." He groaned. "Back on Kamino we had these really weird bunks. They were kind of like the lockers in morgues that you see in holodramas." He paused when your nose wrinkled in disgust. "Yeah I know. Anyways, Echo and I wanted to see if we could use each other as ladders. Only, when I stood up to get on his shoulders, I lost my balance and fell onto the edge of the bunk below. Scared the kriff out of Hevy, but Echo was laughing his shebs off."

You tried to stifle a giggle, but it bubbled past your lips.

"Oh, Fives. You and Echo definitely share half a braincell. But that—" you hunched over to kiss the tip of his nose, "—Is one of the many reasons I love you."

Before you could sit back up, he surged forward to catch your lips with his.

"And there's one more."

[ladysomething]

Omg maddie the new fic omg omg omg.... it was sooooooo good !!!! How is it that literally anything you write is a masterpiece ??! Gosh !!

I already feel super bad for sending this ask because I've seen on discord how hectic things have been for you so this is just a brainworm that I can't squash. I've just been thinking about the rest of the grid's pov on this whole crazy mess wrt lestappen. For sure there has to have been a gc about lestappen not getting the point of this entire dumbassery. If you EVER write a chat fic from the grid's pov throughout this whole mess, I would name my firstborn daughter after you !!!

don't feel bad!!! I'm always happy to indulge brainworms (clearly ...... I wrote 21k in three days).

honestly ............. there may one day be a pt2 and it would absolutely be set that evening after Abu Dhabi and it's all the drivers discussing the fic championship and obviously lestappen has won and everyone s like .... of course they did ... what tipped them over the edge?

and George would be like well funny you should say that. and then blasts max's fic on the big screen.

and max would be literally as red as a tomato and Charles would probably be pissing himself laughing and George would be like "so turns out these motherFUCKERS have been writing fics AND Charles is a very popular lestappen blogger!"

so then lestappen would be disqualified from the championship.

but luckily for them, all ships associated with them would also be disqualified (as per the rules). which maxiel doesn't win either.

which means by default .. carlando would win the championship. Charles would want to throw himself off a balcony. Max is trying to talk him back from the edge. Daniel is wondering how to legally commit murder. Carlando celebrate extensively.

[livealittleoc-cb]

Happy 27th Birthday Dionysus!

🍷: It’s been such a long time since I celebrated my birthday *taps his chin in question* I think I was turning 18…damn that was a long time ago. *snorts and sighs* I don’t really like today but Hermes wouldn’t let me keep not celebrating so we went to a club and now we’re in his pool with drinks and food. I miss Snow and Ace, I’ve been infected by Heremes’ dumbassery *pouts before smiling* If someone would like to join me you’re more than welcome to.~ Warning though I can’t promise I’m wearing trunks *winks playfully*

🪽: *splashes him* stop lying and being a flirt, dumbass!

🍷: *laughing*

🩵🩵: @monsterhigh-cb [🐟🤍💍 && ⚡💙 && 👻💜 && 🐺💕 && 🎤💖 && 👑💛] @evicted-oc [☕️🤎 && 🐼🖤 && 🔦💛 && 🧊🩵 && 💄🖤] @theinvitation-bot [🐭🩶💒] @welcome-to-maniac [🐇🖤 💍 && 🌻❤️ && 🌕❤️‍🔥 && 🐿️❣️] @fantasyaespa [🐈 💚💍 && ☀️🩵] @k-venturetime [🍓❣️] @multi-joong [🌧️🧡💍 && 🎨💚] @kardpackcb [🌙💝 && 🐺❤️‍🔥] @lavienrosecabaretxo [👑🖤] @obsession-cb [🍰🖤]

possible new residents: @faywithlove @badbf-cb @clubwnderland @domxbot @welcometosector1 @lunaaofthemoon @reve-rv @multi-esme @the-hellhounds @san-cb @jinju-oc @enhanced-cb @oppositesattraxt @domrachaa @hwangsiblings-oc @coffeexdreamcb @silcntxnight @moonlightchn @blogger-yura @crimson-l @thesugaredalchemists @folklore-cb @doom-bc @hearthstone-apothecary @vandalsxcb @redlight-cb @inferno-cb @damnationinc @moongoddesselene @darkloversxcb @urluvlyfe @9ateez-multiau-bot @minsour-r @jeonsoyeonn @onlyomega-cb @mxthxbot @k-half-blood @k-dislyte [DM + / -]

[evermoredeluxe]

lana is such an anomaly for me because she’s objectively problematic, dates the worst people, says dumb shit all the time, gives shit performance frequently, used to cancel a lot of shows - is still late a lot, shortening her sets yet she doesn’t get shit from the internet? they just declare her dumbassery lanacore then move on.

which is honestly how it should be with more celebs because the way taylor is scrutinized and criticized for every single thing, small or big is just not normal. whole hate campaign over her hugging an acquaintance, yet when lana marries a trumpie it’s crickets?

lana is treated like a male celebrity rn imo, they can just do anything and no one gaf (not saying lana hasn’t been criticized because she has - they just stopped trying a few years ago and now they don’t even bother commenting on her shit).

not shade, i listen to lana, but when you know there is a high possibility a person is gonna let you down (whether it be lana or a lot of male celebs), you stop expecting anything vs when a person delivers every single time, the expectation keeps unfairly increasing

[random-doctor-on-the-internet]

Hihi !! How are you doc c:

It’s been a while since i got in your business so:

3, 27, 35, 37, 65, 79, 91, 99

(I’m making up for the months that it’s been since we did this)

Hi! I'm alright, thanks for asking!

It's definitely been very long we haven't talked. Won't stop me from getting revenge for all of these questions tho. Be warned.

3. Tattoos I have and what they are:

Well, that's easy. None. Seriously, tattoos? In this economy? With my shit salary? Only happens in dreams. Although I would love to get some. Perhaps eyes on my knuckles. Or weird meaningless doodles. Both would fit the Ashcore™ aesthetic tbh.

27. First celebrity you think of when someone says "attractive"

Does my singer flatmate count? No, seriously, no idea. I'm too ace for that shit.

35. Have you ever danced in front of a mirror?

Yes. So many times.

37. Have you ever been dumped?

Surprisingly, no. Although I'm really trying.

65. Have you ever been suspended from school?

Me? Lil' 14-year old high school graduate me? With the two terrorists I used to call parents monitoring every single thing I did? I wish.

79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?

Yeah. Not as cool as films make you think it is. The getting-a-pneumonia part is grandly overrated.

91. Have you ever been pushed to a pool with all of your clothes on?

Unfortunately, nope. I believe the passive aggressive "kiss kiss love" does scare people a bit. That's a shame. But well, I can't just go like erm...hello, can you please push me into this pool, I promise I won't make you play anything for ruining my clothes, is it ok?

99. Have you ever met someone who didn't seem real?

A lot, actually. I wouldn't consider myself a very real person, to be honest, so I might not be the best judge here. But, yeah. Niko. My flatmate. The neighbour, on Tuesdays. And I'm pretty sure my lab partner's dumbassery level can't be real either.

From this :)

[chunkymamatam]

Y’all I just remembered some dumb shit someone on TikTok commented on my post back when I was consistently doing story times over there. It was about Hisoka but like I’m sitting here waiting for my melatonin to kick in and thought about it so y’all have to suffer with me.

I was joking about how that man is pretty famous in Heavens Arena and is a whole micro celebrity technically and someone was like “yeah I highly doubt he’s that famous” when I read that dumb shit I was baffled cuz bro what??? Canonically he’s known as the guy who kills all his opponents. He’s LITERALLY a floor master. Trust, that clown whore is famous specifically in Heavens Arena 😭💀

TikTok is wild man y’all really just be saying shit and not thinking first sometimes. /pf /hj

I love my fan base on there tho. I can’t remember if that person was following me but my fan base is chill af for the most part and I take pride in that 😭

Anyway as compensation for reading that dumbassery here take a picture of my cat Nirvana. He wedged herself between me and my body pillow cuz she wanted cuddles 🥺

[briebysabs]

I will never understand doxxing or sending ppl threats. It don’t click in my head, forget whether it’s good or not. YOU DON’T KNOW THE PEOPLE YOU’RE DOXXING.

You don’t know the laws in their area, their connections, their livelihood. You could wake up the next day and have a cop at your door or a gun to your head. And 90% of the time it’s over unnecessary bullshit. Over fictional characters, celebrities that wouldn’t bail you out or visit your funeral. Do you know how easy it is to track you? It’s the dumbassery of it all it’s so embarrassing. It baffles my mind the lack of self-preservation and delusion.

Even if you think they’re horrible. Even if you wanna say oh this person is this and they did x y and z I can promise you honey it’s not worth catching a case over. You don’t gotta do all that. Put the phone down, get some sleep, and schedule a therapist appointment.

[siancore]

Rating: M 

Content: Language; Dumbassery 

Words: 3K+

Summary: Sam and Bucky have an annual Anti-Valentine’s Day Movie Night where they eat junk food and watch crappy movies because Valentine’s Day is for suckers and schmucks and best spent with your friend doing the least-romantic shit possible. Too bad they’re both in love with one another...

A/N: Inspired by this glorious Richonne fic by @richonne4life 

For the @sambuckylibrary​ Valentine’s Day Bingo (I don’t know what square fill this will be, but I wanted to write something for it). 

 “Could it be any more obnoxious?” asked Bucky to himself as he held up the overly large teddy bear that was clutching a big red heart. “Is obnoxious the word? Mmm. Tacky, maybe?”

Steve snatched it away from his asshole of a best friend and said, “It’s actually adorable. You’re just – prickly.”

“Prickly?” asked Bucky with an unimpressed look of his face. “Just call me a prick. You can say it, Rogers. Go on. Say the word: Prick.”

“Who’s a prick?” a voice called out from the doorway; it was Sam.

“I am.”

“Bucky is.”

The pair of friends answered at the same time.

“Can’t’ argue with that,” said Sam playfully.

He smiled at them when he stepped inside. Bucky thought Sam’s gaze lingered on him a moment longer, before his eyes went wide when he saw the teddy bear Steve was hugging to his chest.

“What is that monstrosity of a thing?” asked Sam as he pointed towards bear.

“It’s not a monstrosity, it’s cute,” Steve defended. “And you would both think so, too, if you weren’t so offended by Valentine’s Day.”

“Fuck Valentine’s Day,” said Bucky, flatly.

“What he said,” Sam added, a little more noncommittal.

“I don’t know why the two of you are like this,” Steve said, placing the bear down on the countertop. “It’s actually a nice, sweet thing.”

“It’s a capitalist ploy that upholds heteronormative bullshit, wastes money, and leaves people who are single feeling inadequate and bad in general,” Bucky said, deadpan, as Sam eyed him and nodded his head.

“Gees, Buck. Lighten up. Being a little romantic won’t kill ya.”

“I’m plenty romantic,” Bucky retorted. “I just don’t see the point in buying flowers and chocolates and ugly ass teddy bears one day out of the year to show my special someone that they’re special to me.”

Steve sighed, having had this conversation with Bucky before, and said, “Okay, pal. I get it. I just – I want you to have nice things and be swept off your feet and feel romance, too.”

Steve’s eyes got big and soft, just like every time he had something heartfelt and earnest to say. He placed a hand to Bucky’s shoulder and added, “I don’t want you to be alone, especially on Valentine’s Day.”

“Fuck. Valentine’s. Day,” Bucky said firmly, even though his heart felt a little dull ache. “Besides, I won’t be alone. I’ll be with Sam.”

A brightness flickered in Steve’s eyes as he looked at Sam and then at Bucky. He went to say something that expressed his excitement, when Bucky said, “We’re having our annual Valentine’s Day is For Suckers Movie Night.”

“Oh,” said Steve. “That’s still a thing for you two?”

Steve met Sam’s eyes. There was a hint of something akin to sadness behind Sam’s stare. Sam looked down at his shoes.

“Of course it’s still a thing,” said Bucky. “We don’t need to observe this farce of a celebration. We’re one hundred percent happy to sit around the apartment in comfortable clothing, eat cheap takeout, and watch the most unromantic shit on TV, right Sammy?”

Something weird always happened inside of Sam’s chest when Bucky called him that. Sam looked up, gave a bright smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, and said, “Right.”

Sam was supine on his bed reading an old paperback, when Steve knocked on the open door.

“Hey, man,” Sam answered as he placed the book down on his tummy and glanced at his friend.

Steve entered the room, picked a football up from the desk chair, and took up a seat.

“You okay, Sam?”

Sam let out a little sigh and then sat up on the bed.

“Yeah, course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Steve gave him the raised eyebrow of concern and said, “Bucky.”

“Bucky and I are cool.”

“Yeah, no. I know. It’s just – he’s prickly sometimes. Do you really enjoy these Eff Valentine’s Day Movie Nights with him?”

“I love hangin’ out with him.”

“I know,” said Steve with a knowing look. “That’s why I’m askin’. I know exactly how much you love the time you spend with him. Just sayin’ it can’t be easy for you, having him talk about how anti-Valentine’s Day he is when you’re a huge romantic. And when those feelings of romance are aimed at him.”

“Damn it, Rogers,” said Sam as he leaped from the bed and rushed to close his bedroom door. “He’ll hear you.”

“So what? Maybe that’s a good thing,” said Steve. “Maybe it’s high time you told him about how you feel.”

“No way,” said Sam. “Fuck that.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s Bucky. We’re friends and roommates and he isn’t the romantic type. Even if he was, he wouldn’t feel like that about me.”

“How do you know that, Sam?”

“Because Bucky pretty much says what he thinks all the time,” said Sam with a little shrug of his shoulders and a plaintive look in his eyes. “If he felt anything towards me other than friendship, he’d have said already.”

Steve gave Sam a sympathetic look and said, “So, you’re happy to sit with him and watch god awful movies and listen to him shit all over something you actually used to enjoy?”

Sam placed his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and glanced down at the floor.

“At least I get to be around him,” Sam replied, his voice laced with melancholy.

“You deserve romance, Sam.”

“Maybe,” Sam replied. “Maybe I need to get over this silly crush on Bucky and just move on.”

“Or you could tell him how you feel.”

“Yeah, I need to move on and get over him.”

Steve sighed and whispered, “Oh my god, my friends are dumbasses.”

“Stevie? What d’ya think is the least romantic meal ever?” asked Bucky as he scrolled through apps on his phone. “Every place I’m lookin’ at has a Valentine’s Day Special Menu. It’s vomit-inducing.”

“Why won’t you ask Sam out on a date?”

Bucky nearly dropped the phone, but recovered quickly.

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ ‘bout, Rogers.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“What I’m talkin’ about is this,” Steve said as he gestured to Bucky. “You going out of your way to plan these little anti-VD movie nights –”

“Anti-VD? That’s a terrible name for what we have planned.”

“Whatever, man. Don’t deflect.”

“Not deflecting.”

“You are.”

“Am not.”

“Whatever,” said Steve, somewhat exhausted. “My question still stands. Why do you put so much effort into planning these anti-Valentine’s Day hangouts with Sam, instead of, gee I dunno, asking Sam out and actually planning a cute, romantic date for him? For yourself?”

Steve could see the deep breath that Bucky took before he raised his eyes from his phone screen to meet those of his best friend.

“Sam doesn’t want that,” said Bucky quietly. “Well, he doesn’t want that with me. So, I’m gonna take whatever I can have with him, and if that means bad food and worse movies, then I’ll take it.”

“How do you know that Sam doesn’t want more from you?”

“Because why would he?” said Bucky, in the most self-deprecating way imaginable. “What could he possibly want from me? What could I even give him?”

“Buck.”

“I’m not good enough for Sam, okay?” said Bucky as he closed the app, placed his phone in his pocket, and looked at Steve. “He deserves better than me. If all we’ve got is our silly movie night, then so be it. I’ll take what I can get.”

“You know that’s not true, right?”

“Do I?” asked Bucky with a forlorn expression on his face. “I appreciate you tryin’ to make me feel better, or whatever, but Sammy? He’s just not interested in me, and I don’t blame him.”

“You’re really taking that thing on the train?” asked Bucky, as he chewed on a Slim Jim and stared at Steve and the giant teddy bear.

“Yes,” said Steve as he checked his appearance in the mirror hanging near their front door.

“I hope Peggy doesn’t dump you tonight,” Bucky proffered, jokingly, as he tied his hair back from his face.

“Funny,” Steve replied.

“You look nice, Steve,” said Sam as he entered the hallway.

“Thanks, Sam. Wow, so do you,” said Steve, looking at Sam dressed in his nice jeans and a white Henley that was probably a size too small. “I didn’t know Anti-VD Night had a new dress code.”

“Anti what now?” asked Sam, confused.

Bucky couldn’t even answer as he was too distracted by how gorgeous Sam looked.

“You’re overdressed for Craptastic Movie Night,” Steve clarified.

“Oh, right, yeah,” Sam said, brushing his hands down the front of his shirt. “I, ah. I’ve got a date tonight.”

“What?” said Bucky and Steve at the same time.

Sam turned to Bucky, who looked like all of the color had drained from his face.

“Yeah, sorry, Buck. I can’t make it to movie night. Someone asked me out, and I said yes.”

“Sam, that’s great,” said Steve, watching the interaction between his friends.

Sam was looking like he might throw up; Bucky was just standing there staring.

“Who is it?” Bucky queried; his jaw clenched.

“Uh?” Sam replied.

“Who asked you out?”

“Scott.”

“When?”

“Umm last week?”

“Thought you didn’t like the romance bullshit?” asked Bucky, trying to hide the hurt in his tone. “Now you’ve got a Valentine’s Day date?”

“I never said that,” Sam replied, defensively. “I never said I wasn’t into romance.”

“So, why do the movie nights with me?”

“Buck,” said Steve, seeing there was going to be an argument coming.

“Whatever,” said Bucky, as he walked back towards his room. “Have fun on your stupid fuckin’ date.”

Sam jumped at the sound of Bucky’s door slamming. Steve went to say something, but Sam shook his head and went back to his room to finish getting ready for his date.

Bucky felt like he couldn’t breathe. His heart was hammering in his chest and hot tears stung at his eyes. What was happening? He had never snapped at Sam like that before, except for when they had first met, but that was ages ago. Their friendship had grown and matured. Bucky thought he had, too. But when it came to the thought of Sam getting out there dating someone who was not him, well, Bucky just couldn’t handle that.

He paced a few times, wondering if he should go back out and apologize to Sam for acting so abrupt. Instead, Bucky laid on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. His mind was racing. His chest hurt. He closed his eyes and listened as Sam left their shared apartment.

Sam was in a daze as he made his way to the quaint eatery where he was meeting Scott for their date. Their Valentines Day date. Scott was a nice guy. He had shown interest in Sam, and had finally asked Sam out. At first, Sam declined, saying that he had other plans – which he really did. He had plans with Bucky. His friend, whom he was secretly head over heels for. But it was a silly thing to do, have a crush on a friend, a friend who wasn’t interested in anything romantic, so Sam decided to move on. Decided to text Scott back and tell him he was suddenly free. And so there he was, sitting across from a smiling Scott, being somewhat distracted from the date by thoughts of Bucky.

Why had he acted that way? It was just a movie night they’d been doing for the past three years. Why was Bucky so upset? Sam’s mind was swimming, and he felt guilt creep up inside. He and Bucky had never spoken about why Bucky hated Valentine’s Day so much. They just started doing the movie nights one year, and kept doing them. Sam was breaking their tradition to go on a date with someone else, and the truth was, he really wanted to be on a date with Bucky.

“My two best friends are dumbasses,” said Steve as he and Peggy sat at her dinner table; the bear he had gifted her with for Valentine’s Day sat in one of the chairs near them.

“What happened now?” she asked.

“Oh, only they’re both in love with one another but won’t ask each other out,” said Steve. “Have been in love with one another for years, but thinks the other doesn’t see them that way. Dumbasses.”

“Why don’t they see what’s in front of them?”

“Honestly? I don’t really know.”

 Three years ago…

 This is it, Bucky thought to himself as he smoothed down his clothes and fixed his hair. He walked slowly toward Sam’s bedroom with the little paper gift bag in his hand. He felt kind of silly. He had gone out and bought a small plush teddy bear for Sam. A Valentine’s gift for Sam.

They had been friends for a while, eventually roommates, and Bucky was smitten. Sam was great. He was funny, kind, gorgeous, and a little shit. How could Bucky not fall in love with him?

Bucky didn’t usually get in on the romantic stuff surround Valentine’s Day. Was usually single when the day rolled around. Wasn’t the best at communicating what he was really feeling deep down inside. But he felt safe with Sam. He knew Sam wouldn’t throw his affections back in his face, or make him feel uncomfortable. Sam was his friend, and he was hoping that he could be more, so Bucky planned the romantic gesture: Tell Sam how wonderful he was, gift him with a sappy teddy bear, and ask him if he’d like to spend the evening watching romantic comedies.

He stopped at the door, gift bag in hand, and took a deep breath. He heard Sam’s voice then. He was on the phone. Bucky really should not have eavesdropped, but he heard Sam say something that stopped him in his tracks.

“I just want to be friends with him, Sar,” he said, obviously speaking to his sister. “I don’t see him like that at all. Yeah, I know it’s Valentine’s Day or whatever, but I’m just not interested. Yeah. Yeah, alright. Love you, too. Bye.”

Before Bucky could run away, Sam turned and saw him standing there.

“Oh, hey Buck. I was just —" Sam took in the look on Bucky’s face. “Everything okay?”

Bucky hid the gift bag behind his back and said, “Yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to do a movie night tonight?”

Sam felt butterflies in his tummy. Was that the moment? Was Bucky finally going to make a move? Sam tried to bite down a smile.

“Like an Anti-Valentine’s Day thing? Cheap takeout, shitty movies. Laugh at all of the schmucks who take this shit seriously. What d’ya say?”

Sam felt his heart sink, but said, “Yeah. Umm, that sounds fun. Let’s do that. I mean, Valentine’s Day is for suckers, right?”

“Right,” said Bucky, feeling his heart drop down to the floor. “Fuck Valentine’s Day.”

Bucky was covered in Cheeto dust, and he didn’t give a good goddamn. He laid back on the sofa and stared at the screen. He didn’t even know what was happening in the movie he had chosen. Wasn’t focused. All he could think about was Sam. Sam on his romantic date with Scott. Bucky pulled a face and hugged the couch cushion closer to his body.

He let out a ragged sigh. It was his own fault. He had every opportunity to ask Sam out, but never did. If some other guy was going to wine and dine Sam, then so be it. It’s what Sam deserved. He deserved to be treated to a night out. He deserved to be adored and doted on. He deserved romance. Bucky was just sad that he wasn’t the guy who was doing those things for Sam. He really wanted to be that guy, but he had fucked it all up. Besides, Sam didn’t want him like that. And no matter how much Bucky dreamed and wished and hoped for it, Sam just didn’t want him back.

The date was not what Sam had thought it would be. Sam wanted romance. He wanted to be wined and dined. He wanted someone to adore him and dote on him. He just wanted that guy to be Bucky. But Bucky had this aversion to Valentine’s Day and romance in general. Sam respected that. Didn’t mean he would pine any less for his friend. He let out a sigh. He was in his own head, and Scott was looking at him expectantly.

“Sam, everything okay?”

Sam tried to smile, but it was sad, as he said, “I’m sorry, Scott. I can’t do this.”

“What happened? Did I do or say something to upset you?”

“No, it’s nothing you did or said. It’s just me. I – wow. Okay, so, to be one hundred percent honest with you, I’m into someone else. I thought I’d get back out there and try dating again, but I’m not ready. I mean, I am ready to date, but I only want to date this other person. I’m really sorry it took me until now to figure that out for myself.”

Scott looked dismayed, but he nodded his head.

“I get it,” he replied. “You deserve the world, Sam. I hope this other person sees that. I hope it works out.”

It wasn’t too late when Bucky heard the front door open. Had to be Sam. Steve was staying at Peggy’s that night. Bucky sat up on his bed and swung his legs over the side. He listened. It sounded like Sam was alone. Bucky let out a relieved breath and then got to his feet.

He found Sam standing in their kitchen drinking orange juice directly from the bottle. He startled a little when he heard Bucky approach.

“Sammy?” he said softly; he sounded so small. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier.”

“It’s fine,” said Sam as he turned and met Bucky’s eyes. They stared at one another a beat as Bucky placed the small gift bag on the table.

“What’s that?” asked Sam, looking at the bag.

Bucky cleared his throat.

“It’s for you,” he explained, looking nervous. “It’s a Valentine’s gift that I got for you like three years ago.”

Sam’s eyes went wide.

“I thought you hated Valentine’s Day and romantic shit?”

“I don’t know if I really do hate Valentine’s Day or not,” said Bucky, running a nervous hand through his hair. “What I do know is I loved spending those nights with you. Shooting the shit. Laughing at those dumb movies. Eating questionable food that our insides were gonna pay for later. I loved sitting with you and watching your reactions. I loved when we did marathons, and you’d fall asleep on my shoulder, drool and all. I guess it didn’t really matter what the occasion was, as long as I was doing it with you.”

Sam stood there and stared at Bucky. How was this his life?

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Sam finally asked.

“Because I overheard your call with Sarah,” Bucky explained. “I was literally standing at your door and heard you say you didn’t want anything more than friendship. I was there to ask you out, on Valentine’s Day, and I heard you say you didn’t want that kinda stuff.”

Sam squinted as he tried to recall what Bucky was talking about. He almost rolled his eyes when he remembered.

“You’re a dumbass,” said Sam, as he placed the orange juice bottle down on the counter. “I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about Jerome from back home. He was askin’ Sarah about me. I only wanted to be friends with him. I wasn’t into him. I was into you. Dumbass.”

“What?”

“Yeah, that conversation was not about you.”

“Well, why didn’t you say something?” asked Bucky, incredulous. “Why’d you agree to the movie night?”

“Because you were all like, fuck romance and shit blah blah blah. And I just wanted to be close to you, so I said yes.”

“So, you do like me like me?”

“Yes. And you actually like me, too?”

“Fuck, yes. I like you so much.”

“Me, too.”

“So, we’re both dumbasses?”

Sam let out a little laugh and said, “Yeah, looks that way.”

A beat of awkward silence floated around them before Bucky spoke.

“Here,” he said, pushing the gift bag towards Sam. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Sam gave Bucky a shy smile, and then reached behind himself to where he had set the orange juice bottle down.

He picked up a single rose on a long stem, held it out to Bucky, and said, “This is for you. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The pair smiled bashfully at one another, and then moved forward. Bucky picked up the bag and approached Sam. He handed it over, as Sam gave him the rose.

“Thank you,” they each said in unison.

Bucky smelled the rose, and Sam peered into the bag. Inside was a small, brown teddy bear that was holding a red heart. Sam took it out and smiled.

“It’s adorable,” he said, meeting Bucky’s eyes. “I love it.”

Bucky smiled widely; happily. They swayed into one another’s orbit. Standing there, wrapped up in the sheer joy of the moment before Bucky spoke honestly, in earnest, and from the heart.

“I’m glad you love it, Sammy, because I –” he took a steadying breath, and said, “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

Sam dropped the teddy bear he had been gifted with and fell into Bucky’s space. Bucky caught him and held him close, his eyes darting from Sam’s pretty brown eyes, to Sam’s lips.

“I love you, too,” Sam whispered, as he pressed his forehead to Bucky’s.

Bucky smiled and let out a nervous, relieved laugh before saying, “I wanna kiss you so bad right now. Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Sam replied. “God, yes.”

They drew apart so that they could smile at one another, both giddy and scared and excited. Bucky cupped Sam’s face and said, “You’re so pretty.”

Sam blessed him with a coy smile before they leaned in and pressed their lips against one another. The kiss was unhurried and soft at first, before Bucky deepened it and Sam let him. They stood in their kitchen, kissing and smiling and giggling, each content in knowing that they had both received the best Valentine’s Day gifts ever.