#caveman patrick

[oatmilk-vampire]

My readers making connections and going crazy with the deep lore of my writing

Me who planned nothing and just typed out whatever random string of words my brain whispered to me today

[boonjur]

Logurt game night

[m0ose-idiot]

The Deaths of Button House

Being herewith a complete and chronological collection of the upstairs deaths at Button House and its grounds.

Featuring obligatory live-action footage...

[fob4ever]

never saw this get uploaded so here’s patrick’s little interview on pete’s podcast loud & sad from may 2021! the topic was “duos”. i included the bit in the beginning with pete and elliot talking about yin and yangs/partnerships because its super sweet: 

“i really can’t do anything creative in that way without patrick- i’ll throw a bunch of words together that make sense to me, and somehow we’ve done it for long enough that they make sense to him too. or they make a different kind of sense to him.”

[theunicornpirate]

Working on a new edit, does anyone want to chime in with what they think are some moments in Ghosts where a character looks the most sad vs when they look the most happy?

I'm trying to find moments for all the ghosts :')

[sco07ut]

okay i’ve seen two people do this now and i’m no longer embarrassed abt throwing my hat into the ring: wings of fire ghosts !!

as for powers, alison is a brightest-night born nightwing with precognition and mindreading abilities. mary is a flamescales skywing. robin is (the first) animus (he’s also not Quite a mudwing, and is instead a proto-dirtwing based on this theory

the general gist of the plot is that robin was born during the final year of the scorching and grew up in the wars that followed. terrified by the constant fighting, he used a magic that he truly didn’t understand (nor know how to wield) to create a bubble of spacetime that would be forever unaffected by the wars and would eternally be a safe haven protected from the outside world. however, it went horribly wrong and instead of it being a sanctuary it became a prison of sorts as he soon found he couldn’t leave, however he was afraid that by trying to reverse the spell or alter himself to be unaffected by it he would irrevocably change the world or himself, so out of fear, he simply stayed there. over the years, countless other dragons found themselves getting trapped in the bubble until eventually alison and mike found their way in, learn the truth about the nature of the bubble (over the years robin lied and said he had nothing to do with it forming) and start trying to help robin to fix his mistake

i have a half finished reference for all the supporting characters too that i might complete if this gets traction

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

Imagine a Librarians / Ghosts crossover.

-Robin announcing that he went through a Magic door like in the impro and played chess with Excalibur the flying sword

-the Lits then appearing at Button House because of the high concentration of Ghosts (maybe due to a broken ley line?) And posing as guests but they all can see the Ghosts and find out that it really isn't that kind of haunted house.

-Flynn and Jake playing chess against Robin and Julian

-Kitty and Cassie being the sweetest , bubbliest together

-Cassie bonding with Fanny because they are both science girls especially maths girls

-Baird and Allison bonding over their mom-friend roles

-Ezekiel getting into arguments about stealing with Pat and talking about the universe and Aliens with Robin

-Coronel Baird and the Captain bonding over their military history and their whole way to approach missions and problems because they were both soldiers

-Jake and Humphrey talking about History and Art and Art History and architecture for hours and tracking down humphrey's body so Humphrey can give Jake a house tour.

-Jake and Thomas fighting about Byron and poetry in general. It gets nasty Thomas goes into the lake before Jake helps him with his own poetry by talking about the true meaning and beauty of poetry

-Jake trying to learn as much as possible from Robin.

-Cassie making an impression on Julian when she uses mathemagics to help him with his online golf

-Mike and Baird just hanging out with each other being the most normal ones, adoring their very special significant others

-Robin being fascinated by Cassie's powers

-Julian getting a talking to from Baird and being super impressed afterwards because she means business

-Pat recruiting Ezekiel to food Club

-Ezekiel and Julian bonding over being tricksters/the Art of spin

-Jenkins showing up and impressing all of the Ghosts and they all swap stories from their times. Like when he remembers that he once was a guest at Button House. Or the Ghosts ask him what he did during their respective lifeteime etc.

-Jenkins bonding with Pat over their caretaker roles

-the Captain and Jenkins bonding over Stories about ancient battles

-Humphrey and Jenkins sharing a similar humour also the years of being alone also Humphrey is keen on Arthurian legend (my HC) and Jenkins is Galahad so.

-Jenkins impressing Fanny because he uses the proper etiquette from her time and is a true gentleman

-Cassie (aka a "Cassandra, a remarkable young woman") bonding with the Captain over the limpet mine project because she hast questions and he tells her about some difficult calculations and she solves them in a few heartbeats and he tells her how they could have used someone with her gifts back then but that his Lieutenant was very bright and he was glad to have him there and because her gaydar pings and she tells him about her Vampire (ex-) girlfriend.

-Ezekiel hanging out with Jemima ,playing dolls, because she reminds him of the time when he was a lost kid and because that's exactly whom he swore to help

-Flynn just being utterly enarmoured by the Plague Ghosts and spending a lot of time with them.

-ezekiel arguing with Fanny over her views on Australia. When Jake points out that he was indeed a thief he exclaims that that's besides the point

-also I feel like the salt of the earth, worked on an oil rig, cowboy with the 190 iq, love for travel, art , poetry etc., with the gentle smile and warm brown eyes and strong arms because of the martial arts would probably be worth a "Good Lord" upon first sight. (Flynn also looks like he fits the bill but I feel his energy is too manic in comparison. Jake is closer in demeanour to Havers, Adam and the Chap with the arms). Also I just really love Jake)

[spongebob-connoisseur]

Caveman Slappy!

[sentimental-boulder]

choose your fighter 🤺

two infamous spongebob memes available made to order in my ETSY SHOP!

DM for commission inquiries and follow me HERE for more art!

[brunchable]

This is Your Boyfriend Mom? [3]

Pairings: Beefy Bucky Barnes x Our savage wittle boi Lucas x f!Reader.

Summary: It's Lucas' 7th Birthday and Bucky finally meets the Dad from Finance. Bucky also FINALLY got a haircut lmfao.

A/N: I will just keep posting Step-Dad Bucky content, this doesn't really have set plot, just cute and funny moments while Bucky navigates how to be a Dad.

The Night Before the Party

You were busy setting up the last of the birthday decorations when you heard the front door open. You didn’t think much of it at first, but then Lucas came sprinting into the living room, eyes wide, looking like he’d just seen a ghost.

“Mom!” he shouted, excitement and shock mixed in his voice. “Bucky’s back, and... uh, something’s wrong with him!”

You raised an eyebrow, turning toward the door just as Bucky strolled in, a smirk playing on his lips. You froze, your hands still holding the banner you were about to hang up.

Bucky had chopped his hair. Gone were the long, unruly locks he’d been hiding behind for months, replaced by a clean, short trim that made him look—well, if you were being honest—like he’d just walked off the set of a cologne commercial. Looking absolutely handsome.

“Wow, look at you. All... polished.” You blinked, trying to suppress a grin.

Before Bucky could respond, Lucas crossed his arms, pacing around him like a tiny detective on the case. “So, Mr. Metal Mop finally decided to join the human race, huh?”

“Really, Lucas?” Bucky sighed.

“Oh yeah. You’re like a whole new person,” Lucas continued, squinting at him. “Seriously, who are you, and what have you done with the walking disaster that usually lives here?”

You let out a snort of laughter as Bucky’s jaw twitched. “It’s just a haircut, kid.”

Lucas tilted his head, eyes narrowed as he pointed dramatically at Bucky’s head. “This? This is not just a haircut. This is a ‘I’m about to show everyone I’m the coolest guy at this party’ haircut.”

“What? No, it’s not! I’m not trying to show off.”

Lucas raised an eyebrow, smirking like a seasoned detective who’d just cracked the case wide open. “Oh really? ‘Cause you didn’t care about looking like a caveman until now, right before my party. Coincidence? I think not.”

“I just felt like a change, alright? This has nothing to do with the party. I’m not trying to outshine anyone.” Bucky crossed his arms, standing taller, trying to play it cool.

Lucas grinned wider. “Uh-huh. Sure. So, you just happened to get a haircut right before a big event? Not competitive at all?”

Bucky groaned, clearly trying to keep his cool. “I’m not trying to compete with anybody. I just thought I’d make things... easier for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, right. Easier. You know, if you wanted to look good for once, you could’ve just said so.” Lucas snorted, shaking his head.

Bucky’s jaw twitched as he quickly looked to you for backup, but you were too busy laughing to jump in.

Lucas leaned in dramatically, whispering, “You can relax, Bucky. We all know Mom doesn’t love you for your looks.”

You burst out laughing, clutching your sides as Bucky stared at Lucas, half-amused, half-offended.

“I’m not—,” Bucky started, running his hand over his hair again. “It’s just a haircut!”

“Oh, sure,” Lucas said, stepping closer, his face serious but his eyes full of mischief. “So it has nothing to do with the fact that Patrick’s gonna be here tomorrow? You’re not trying to look cooler than him? You know he works out, right?”

Bucky frowned, looking genuinely puzzled. “Patrick works out?”

Lucas shrugged. “Yup. I heard him mention it once. But hey, at least now you look like you can keep up.”

“Please. I don’t need a haircut to keep up with your Dad.” Bucky crossed his arms and scoffed.

Lucas smirked, still circling him. “Mmhmm. That’s why you’re all cleaned up—so you can make sure nobody at the party outshines you.”

You were practically doubled over at this point, tears streaming down your face from laughter.

“I’m not competing with anybody!” Bucky insisted, throwing his hands up.

“Right, because getting a ‘too cool for school’ haircut right before the party is totally not competitive.” Lucas grinned wider, seeing that he had Bucky cornered.

Bucky clenched his jaw, still trying to hold his ground. “This is a tactical haircut. Streamlined. It’s practical.”

Lucas grinned, clearly not buying it. “Oh, tactical, huh? Right. Is that what you’re gonna tell everyone tomorrow? ‘Hey, check out my tactical haircut. You like?’”

Bucky chuckles and points at Lucas, “Okay, that’s it. You’re done.”

Without warning, he lunged forward, scooping Lucas up and flipping him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

Lucas squealed, laughing uncontrollably. “Bucky! Put me down!”

“Oh no,” Bucky said, shaking his head as he carried Lucas toward the couch. “You’re gonna sit here and think about your life choices.”

Lucas, still flailing and laughing, managed to gasp, “At least I didn’t need a haircut to look cool!”

Bucky plopped him down onto the couch, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re gonna pay for this tomorrow, kid. You just wait.”

Lucas grinned up at him, still breathless from laughing. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, give me a tactical timeout?”

“Unbelievable. You’re supposed to be on my side here.” Bucky glanced at you, exasperated but unable to hide his smile.

You finally managed to calm down enough to speak. “Oh no, I’m staying out of this. Lucas is absolutely right.”

Lucas beamed with pride as he gave you a thumbs-up. “See? Mom knows what’s up.”

Bucky groaned again, dropping down onto the couch beside Lucas. “Alright, fine. Have your fun tonight. Tomorrow, though, I’m stealing all your cake.”

Lucas gasped, feigning horror. “Not the cake!”

Bucky grinned, leaning back. “Oh yeah. Tactical move.”

× × × ×

The birthday party was in full swing, with kids running around, balloons everywhere, and Lucas at the center of it all. You were watching from a distance, laughing softly as Bucky awkwardly navigated the chaos. He was holding a cupcake in one hand, clearly out of his element, but smiling nonetheless. Everything was going smoothly.

The Avengers were scattered around, trying their best to blend in. Clint was at the snack table, sampling every kind of chip he could get his hands on. Tony was in full I’ve-paid-for-everything-here mode, handing out goodie bags like they were shares in Stark Industries. Nat and Steve were casually watching the kids play, exchanging side glances, while Sam was trying (and failing) to explain some complex game rules to a group of seven-year-olds.

Everything seemed perfect.

Until he arrived.

“Uh, hey,” Bucky muttered to you, nodding toward the door. “That’s, uh… him, right?”

You turned to see Lucas’ dad, Patrick, making his way into the party, looking a bit too put-together for a kids’ birthday—pressed suit, perfectly styled hair, and an aura of someone who had just closed a very important deal five minutes before arriving.

“Yep. That’s Patrick,” you said, trying not to laugh at the grimace on Bucky’s face.

Patrick spotted Lucas and waved. “Hey, buddy! Happy Birthday!” He strode over confidently, handing Lucas a brightly wrapped present.

Lucas opened it, pulling out a brand-new Nintendo Switch. He looked up at his dad and gave a polite smile. “Uh, thanks, Patrick.”

Bucky, still watching from a few feet away, cocked his head. “Why’s he callin’ him Patrick?”

You shrugged, whispering, “Lucas just started calling him that on his own. I think it confuses him.”

Patrick glanced over, finally noticing you and Bucky standing there. He smiled—though it was more of a tight-lipped one—and made his way over, extending his hand to Bucky.

“Hi, I’m Patrick. Lucas’ father,” he said, with an air of someone who’s used to introductions being brief and businesslike.

Bucky hesitated for half a second, staring at Patrick’s perfectly manicured hand like it might explode. Then he awkwardly wiped his own hand on his jeans before shaking it.

“Bucky. You know, the boyfriend.”

The words hung in the air like an awkward mist. Patrick’s smile twitched. “Ah, yes. The… boyfriend. Great to meet you.”

They stood there, shaking hands for what felt like five or ten seconds too long, neither one letting go, each one’s grip tightening ever so slightly. You watched from the side, holding back a laugh as the tension built.

Finally, Patrick cleared his throat and let go. “So, uh, how’s the party going?”

Bucky shrugged. “Good. You know, kids. Loud. Messy. Chaos.”

Patrick nodded, chuckling awkwardly. “Ah, yeah. Well, you know, in finance, things are a bit more... orderly.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Finance, huh? That sounds... fun.”

Patrick straightened his posture, clearly missing the sarcasm. “Oh, it’s very rewarding. Numbers, investments... making sure the market flows smoothly.”

Bucky blinked. “Yeah, I bet. I usually just stop markets by throwing people out windows.”

The silence that followed was deafening. Patrick stared at Bucky, unsure if that was a joke or a confession.

You stifled a laugh behind your hand. “So, how about that gift?” you asked, trying to change the subject. “Lucas, do you like it?”

Lucas, who had wandered over to Bucky’s side, gave a polite nod. “Uh, yeah. Thanks, Dad.”

Patrick smiled, clearly not noticing how forced Lucas’s enthusiasm was. “Glad you like it, buddy.”

As Patrick turned to talk to one of the other parents, Bucky crouched down next to Lucas and whispered, “Hey, what’s up, buddy? You don’t seem that excited.”

Lucas looked up at Bucky and sighed. “I already have a Switch. He bought me one for my 6th birthday. He just… forgot.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows, glancing between Lucas and Patrick, who was fidgeting with his phone. “Ah. I see.”

Patrick, overhearing, laughed nervously. “Well, uh, you can never have too many Switches, right?”

Bucky stood up, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Yeah. Or, you know, you could... I dunno, maybe remember what you got your kid for his birthday last year.”

Patrick blinked, clearly not sure whether Bucky was joking or not. “Well, you know, with finance and all... numbers just blur together sometimes. I have a lot on my plate.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Right. Numbers blur. Must be hard to forget when you’re counting millions.” His voice was laced with sarcasm.

Patrick chuckled, but it was the kind of chuckle people do when they’re uncomfortable. “Yeah, well… finance life.”

Bucky gave him a pointed look. “Yeah, but I bet remembering your kid’s birthday gifts doesn’t really blur with anything, does it?”

Patrick looked away, clearly flustered, mumbling something about "busyness" as he shifted awkwardly in his suit.

From the other side of the party, you could see Clint and Tony watching the exchange with amusement, whispering something to each other while Steve shook his head at the spectacle. Nat gave a sly smile in your direction, clearly picking up on the tension, while Sam made a “yikes” face, pretending to zip his lips as if to say, Yup, this is awkward.

You couldn’t hold it in any longer, and you let out a snort of laughter, patting Bucky on the arm. “Well, Lucas, now you can... switch between your Switches?”

Lucas looked up, a confused smile on his face, while Bucky chuckled softly under his breath. Patrick, however, just stood there, looking like he wished the earth would swallow him whole.

Patrick, cleared his throat and forced a smile. “So, Bucky, what did you get Lucas for his birthday?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, glancing at you for a second before smirking. “Oh, I didn’t go the ‘two-of-the-same-gift’ route,” he teased, earning a snicker from you.

Patrick’s forced smile faltered slightly, but he maintained his composure. “Right, but I’m sure you got him something nice.”

Bucky gave a nod, gesturing toward the corner of the room. “Got him a custom-built bow and arrow set.” He paused for effect. “You know, something a little more memorable.”

Patrick blinked, clearly caught off guard. “A… bow and arrow? For a seven-year-old?”

Bucky crossed his arms, still smirking. “Hey, I’ve got a friend who’s pretty good with those. Thought it might be a good skill to have. Besides, Lucas loved it.”

Patrick glanced over at Lucas, who was currently showing the bow set to Clint, who was eagerly demonstrating how to hold it properly. Lucas was grinning from ear to ear.

Patrick, trying to recover, chuckled awkwardly. “Well, I’m sure the Nintendo Switch will still get plenty of use.”

Bucky leaned in slightly, lowering his voice just enough so only Patrick could hear, a mischievous glint in his eye. “You know, if Lucas forgets he already has one.”

Patrick's smile tightened again as he awkwardly laughed, clearly regretting asking.

From the sidelines, you could see Tony and Sam observing the whole interaction with raised eyebrows. Tony leaned over to Sam, whispering, 

“I’m giving this five minutes before Finance Dad taps out.” 

Sam grinned, nodding in agreement.

× × × ×

The birthday cake was finally brought out, candles lit, and the room filled with the excited chatter of kids and adults alike. Lucas stood proudly at the center, his face glowing in the soft flicker of the seven candles. Everyone gathered around the table, cheering him on.

"Alright, everyone!" you called out, smiling down at Lucas. "On three! One… two… three! Make a wish, Lucas!"

Lucas squeezed his eyes shut and puffed out his cheeks before blowing out all seven candles in one swift breath. The room erupted into cheers, and you bent down to kiss the top of his head.

Just as the cheers started to die down, someone in the crowd—most likely Tony—yelled out, “Time for a family picture!”

The laughter and chatter quieted as you, Lucas, and Bucky moved toward the cake, ready for the photo. But, just as Bucky stepped up beside Lucas, Patrick appeared at the other side, standing just as close.

Both Bucky and Patrick froze, their eyes locking in an awkward stand-off. Neither moved, both unsure of what the protocol was in this moment. Patrick chuckled nervously, shifting on his feet.

“So… family picture, huh?” Patrick said with an awkward smile, trying to ease the tension.

“Yeah. Family picture,” Bucky replied, his tone flat, clearly unimpressed.

The two men stood on either side of Lucas, staring at each other, neither willing to give up the spot closest to the boy. Lucas, meanwhile, was too focused on choosing the biggest slice of cake to notice the tension brewing between the two.

Clint, who had been quietly observing the whole thing from the side, leaned over to Natasha and whispered, just loud enough to be heard by others, “Looks like someone's gotta blink first.”

Natasha smirked but said nothing, her eyes fixed on the scene in front of her.

Sensing the growing awkwardness, you tried to step in. “Um, you know what, why don’t we take a couple of pictures? That way, everyone gets in,” you suggested, hoping to break the standoff.

But neither Bucky nor Patrick moved. Instead, they both shuffled even closer to Lucas, determined to be the one standing right beside him. Patrick forced a smile, trying to mask his discomfort.

“Well, I mean... I’m his dad, so...” Patrick began, his voice light but strained.

“And I’m here every day,” Bucky shot back, his voice deadpan, arms crossing as if he was daring Patrick to push further.

They stared at each other, tension hanging in the air, both waiting for the other to step back. By now, the Avengers had all noticed. From the other side of the room, Tony leaned over to Sam, his voice a stage whisper that was impossible to miss.

“Who’s taking bets? This is about to get good,” Tony said, grinning.

Sam chuckled. “Ten bucks on Bucky. He’s got that murder stare locked and loaded.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, stepping forward before things got any more awkward. 

“Alright,” you said, laying down the final word. “Bucky, you can be in this one. Patrick, you’ll be in the next one.”

Both men blinked in surprise, caught off guard by your no-nonsense tone. Bucky gave a small, smug smile and slipped into place beside Lucas, casually throwing his arm around the boy’s shoulders.

Patrick nodded stiffly, his smile tight and forced. “Sounds fair.”

“Great,” Tony clapped his hands dramatically, clearly reveling in the tension. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Everyone say ‘awkward’!”

The camera flashed, capturing the moment, Bucky’s subtle triumphant grin beside Lucas, while Patrick stood to the side, looking like he was mentally calculating how soon he could make a polite exit.

[artdcnaldson]

aannnyyywwaayyyyy! patrick training your ass but totally not because he has this mental image of him fucking you from behind while art gets your pussy! blame the porno he stumbled upon!

and if we're on the topic! he may have also seen where a girl held two dicks together and tried her best to suck them at the same time. not that he WANTS to be that close to art's dick, totally not the case, but he's just saying he'd be down if YOU'RE down that's all.

Rating: E (18+)

Warnings: SMUT (assplay, anal sex, sex toys, general debauchery)

A/N: Your mind consistently amazes me 🩷🫡 I did NOT edit this I just blacked out while I wrote this then hit send <3

It started when you mentioned Art for the first time.

“I used to have the biggest crush on him,” you said with a grin. You’d been scrolling through Patrick’s Facebook— giving him shit for all the lame things he’d posted in the oughts (and, yeah, after). “Can’t believe that’s your friend.”

You stopped on a picture of the two of them from ‘06, posing with their doubles trophies.

“Well, if you want him that, I can set the two of you up. I’m sure he’d love to meet a groupie. Maybe you could show him just how big of a fan you really are,” he teased, nipping at the exposed skin of your throat.

You laughed and shook your head. “No! Not unless you were joining too.”

It flipped a fucking switch in him, to say the least.

Suddenly, his old-faithful porn vids, saved to his camera roll like a goddamn caveman, did nothing. He found himself scouring through any porn site he could find for threesomes, of which there were fucking plenty. And lots of ways he could imagine sharing you with Art.

You were on all fours while his cock pistoned in and out of you— back arched tantalizingly, ass rippling with each thrust. He tried to be casual about it. “Has anyone ever fucked your ass before?” Subtlety had never been a strong suit.

You’d gone all shy, hiding your face in your arms as you answered no, not yet. Yet being the operating word. He grinned, satisfied by your answer.

His thumb brushed over your rim, making your toes curl at the barest touch. You were so fucking sensitive and so fucking sweet that it would probably kill him, one day.

“You gonna let me do it someday?” He asked, lips twisted into a smirk. Your response was muffled where you hid your face. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, tugging you up slightly. “Couldn’t hear you, baby. Speak up for me.”

A whine escaped you as you nodded. “Yeah, want you to.” When he dropped his grip on your hair, your face fell back into the sheets.

He moved his thumb and spit onto your hole. You cried out as his cock bullied deep inside of your cunt— he could feel your walls clenching around him, could feel how close you were.

“Don’t be lazy, honey. Rub your clit for me, okay? I’m busy.”

You did as he said— pretty manicured nails between your thighs and rubbed at your clit as he fucked into you. His thumb circled your rim, slick with his spit as he pushed his fingertip within you and let his thumb sink into your your tight hole.

The moan that burst out of you as you came was the sexiest goddamn thing he’d ever heard. The feeling of your ass tightening around his finger as you came, feet kicking helplessly as he fucked you through it… he didn’t think he’d ever come harder than that moment.

And Patrick was a fucking degenerate— a dog with a bone— so the next time he got a chance he fucking took it.

He ate your pussy messily— making out with your cunt the same hungry way he kissed. A mess of tongue and spit that left you dizzy and begging more often than not.

Your thighs tightened, squeezing around his head the first time he let himself wander, tongue just barely teasing your ass.

“Fuck! Patrick—“ you cried out, burning hot with embarrassment and arousal from head to toe.

“Just lemme…” he trailed off, using his big hands to spread your legs for him. “Just take it, honey.”

His tongue pressed against your hole, lapping at you messily as your needy cunt spasmed around nothing, craving attention. His nose glistened with your arousal as he buried his face in you, relishing in the squeaks of pleasure you were emitting.

He sat up and grabbed blindly for the lube he kept in his bedside table— half empty and sticky. He coated his fingers in it, warming it up before his middle finger probed at your asshole.

“Relax for me, baby,” he cooed, his voice so sickeningly sweet you wanted to kick him. “Let me in.”

He watched you shakily exhale, letting your body adapt as his finger sunk into the tight heat of you. You moaned, low and breathy as he began working his finger in and out slowly.

“Fuck, there you go,” his words came out on a waver, his voice cracking slightly as he felt you tighten around his finger. “Feels good? You need more?”

You nodded quickly, meeting his gaze with a needy sort of hunger. “Mhmm, feels good,” you practically slurred. “Need more.”

The cutest fucking echo he’d ever heard.

He smiled and let his pointer finger press against your rim, stretching you as he slowly pushed in. You moaned softly, thighs falling open as you relaxed into it. He felt your body accepting the intrusion, sucking him in.

“How’s it feel?” He asked. He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of your knee.

“Full,” was all you could manage. You rocked your hips slightly, grinding against his fingers.

He grinned. “This is just two fingers, baby. How are you gonna take all of me, huh?” He grinned down at you, scissoring his fingers slightly just to watch the way your cunt clenched in response.

His thumb moved on your clit, and it took barely any attention to the nub for you to come for him, leaking slick arousal that he eagerly lapped from your neglected pussy as you squirmed beneath him.

Poor thing, you really needed both of your holes filled.

And you were so eager to let him try. A pretty little plaything whose eyes lit up at his filthiest whims.

“This is embarrassing,” you mumbled the next time it came up. You were on your hands and knees, pouting back at him as he lubed up one of your toys— a clear pink dildo that you’d used plenty before he rendered it obsolete.

He squeezed more lube onto his fingers and gingerly fucked your ass with them to get you all warmed up. It wasn’t lost on him how easy it had gotten since that first time, the way your body wanted him in any hole he could take.

“Don’t wanna hurt you, honey,” he said, watching as your cunt dripped a thin string of arousal onto the sheets as he gave a particularly deep thrust of his fingers. Jesus, you were fucking perfect. “Can’t jump straight to the real thing, you’re too delicate, baby.”

You whined, pouting even as you backed yourself against his fingers, toes curling as he added a third finger.

“Fuck, Patrick,” you gasped, fingers clawing into the sheets. He waited until you were gagging for it— pussy smeared with your own arousal, grinding back against his fingers with desperate need. He withdrew his fingers and smiled at the pathetic whimper you left out.

“‘S okay,” he cooed. He slicked up the dildo with lube once more before he pressed the tip of it against your ass. It was a stretch— beyond the three fingers Patrick had prepped you with— but you took it eagerly.

He thrust it inside slowly— inch by inch by inch until it was sheathed inside of you fully. You let out the prettiest moan, panting where your face was pressed against the sheets.

Patrick thought you’d never looked sexier— lips glossy with spit, practically drooling onto the bed. Arched up so perfectly to take whatever he could give you. He was so fucking hard he could barely think.

“How’s that?” He asked, voice breathy.

All you could manage was an eager nod— an encouragement, a plea for more. He began thrusting the toy inside of you, relishing in your pretty, fucked-out moans. Your eyes rolled back and your cunt ached with need for stimulation.

You were panting and whining with need, slick and wet down your thighs. “Need you,” you gasped, eyes shining with crocodile tears. “Wanna feel full.”

And, Jesus, he really couldn’t deny you. He thrust the toy fully inside of you, holding it there as he lined himself up with your dripping cunt.

It was nothing short of a miracle that he didn’t cum the second he bottomed out within you. You were so fucking tight that he could hardly move, wasn’t sure if he could even risk it without cumming in a pathetically short amount of time.

He brushed your hair from your eyes, found them glossy, lust-hazed. “Feels so good. So fucking tight around me. You’re so good.”

You rocked your hips back slightly, moaning at the smallest amount of friction.

“Fuck, gonna move for you, okay?” He thrust slowly, testing the waters. The moans both of you let out were pornographic. You were so wet that the sound of Patrick fucking into you made heat flood your cheeks. As you grew closer and closer, your legs gave out on you and Patrick had to hold you in place as he fucked you.

Each thrust made stars dance in your vision. You could hardly manage anything except moans of his name and cries for more. All you could do was just lie there and take it.

But he liked you like that— so needy and cockdrunk that you let yourself get used.

“Cumming—“ you cried out suddenly. Your cunt spasmed around him, squeezing like a vise. He only managed a few final thrusts before he was spilling deep inside of you.

You whimpered at the loss of him within you, then again as he eased the toy from your ass. Your body was sticky with cum, lube and sweat. Patrick laid on top of you, peppering kisses onto your back and shoulders.

“I want a bath,” you murmured lazily against the bedsheets.

“I want a million dollars,” he hummed, kissing the spot between your shoulder blades.

You laughed softly, rolling your eyes. “Fuck off.”

ME? Writing ANAL??? Less likely than you think!!! But anything for my pookie wookie 🫶🩷

[spacerangersam]

Tell me more about your BBC Ghosts character swap AU please?

(like I wanna know from you about the other BH ghosts you didn't draw in their character swap AU version yet on what their character swap would be, for example Thomas, Mary & Robin please?)

Thanks!

I'd be happy to!

Thomas is a caveman, tricked into a fight by his cousin (with less of the dramatics though, since Francis couldn't have forged a letter)  who either got stabbed with a spear or bonked on the head with a club. Regardless, he was killed and in death, gets to carry around a spear. It‘s big, cumbersome and annoying, and I just think it’s funny. He can give the living bruises with it.

To blabber on a bit: his name is actually To, but Julian thought that was stupid so renamed him Thomas, and he did originally come from Scotland. Though it wasn't called Scotland when he was there, obviously.

He struggles a lot with modern English - he’s lived through the rise and fall and change of so many languages that he really struggles to keep up. He slips between using new English and old English, French, old Brythonic languages etc, especially when he’s upset. That's what really kick-started his friendship with Patrick- Pat was the first one really willing to just stop and try to understand what Thomas was saying, and the first one to really sit down and help Thomas with his English. They have lessons every Thursday evening. 

He still likes poetry, but because of all that he’s even worse at it. He also still hates Byron, just for less personal reasons.

With the whole having being around for thousands of years and watched people come and go, he's terrified of the other ghosts moving on without him. He doesn't like to sleep alone because of it, likes being able to keep an eye on at least one ghosts during the night. He tends to spend the night with Pat or Kitty, curled up on the foot of their beds, but he’ll stay with someone else now and then

Mary is a Girl Guide leader from the 80s. She's a timid woman to begin with, raised in a strict Catholic household, who works in a farm shop-come-cafe. She was encouraged to take up the Guide role by her husband to give her more confidence, and she stayed with it after his death. It didn't really make her more confident though, and her Guides quickly learned that they could walk all over her. She died while camping out on the Button grounds - some of the girls set a fire that quickly got out of control. Mary couldn't get out of her tent and died of asphyxiation (suspend your disbelief if you wouldn't mind). She still was close to Annie (and depending on how much you want to play around with the au, Annie could still be around, era switched with the plagues) and learned to be more confident through her.

She insists on doing grace at mealtimes, even though she can't eat, tells people off for blasphemy, and prays on Sundays in lieu of going to mass. The longer she's with the ghosts though, the less she does it. She has a few handy survival tools in her pockets, and like Pat, knows a thing or two about using a bow and arrow.

Robin is from the Georgian era, a nobleman's son who was sent to live with his uncle in hopes he'd straighten Robin out and turn him into a proper gentleman. Robin hated that idea. He planned to make a getaway and start a new life, one where he could just be himself, only to get struck by lightning before he ever made it off the grounds.

It's hard think of a Robin with ‘perfect’ speech, so I like to imagine he came over from North Wales, Welsh being his first language. He does speak English, albeit reluctantly, and has no desire to be fluent in it.

He's still outdoorsy and cares a lot about animals - his parents never had much time for him so he spent most of his time chasing around mice in the manor and sneaking into the stables to pet the horses. He can also still muck around with electricity.    

I don't think I've talked about Julian either, but he's the headless Tudor. Much like in canon, he didn't pay much attention to his wife or child, which was ultimately his downfall when he unknowingly partied with people who were plotting to kill the queen and was damned by association. He got his head lobbed off, and the head can appear in photographs. He makes so many jokes about it.

I can't really think of much else to say at the moment but yeah, that's them

[optimisticaudience]

My Top 10 Unhinged Movie Recommendations

This isn't top 10 favorite movies. This is my top 10 movies to recommend when I want to make sure that person NEVER asks me for recs again. When I want to go nuclear in my weird shit(TM) this is what I go with, in ascending order. 10. Freaks by Todd Browning

I love showing this to people. Folks are like "oh hey is this a horror movie?" and then I show it to them. It's not a horror movie, unless Normies are the horror. I love sitting in a room where people slowly realize this isn't a horror moive, but a well done domestic drama. It's just a drama where the cast doesn't look like hollywood stars. It's a god damn masterpiece about a man who is forsaking this family to find mainstream acceptance and how his family fights to save him despite everything. 10/10 Masterpiece. Some folks question whether or not it is exploitative that Todd Browning made this movie. I've made sure the guy is dead so no matter what he's not going to make money either way.

9. The very beginning and very end of Streets of Fire.

Patrick Willems was right about this. Watch the first bit and then skip to the end to get a dramatic epic of rock music, motorcycles, and Wilhem Defoe fighting in a sledgehammer duel. Beautiful movie. Then people request to see the full movie, the fools. I show the full movie because they know not what they do. Then they don't like it. I told them this at the beginning. There are no sledgehammer fights in the middle of the movie. Why watch this if it's not a musical number or hammer time?

8. The Dark Crystal's bootleg director's cut

Cowards watch movies in languages they understand. Sometimes they use subtitles to pretend they are open to new experiences. Watch a god damn movie in a fictional language that no one speaks, you plebians. No subtitles, no explanations. Just watch the movie and have a great experience seeing the puppets portray the story using body language. Expand your horizons. It wasn't made on drugs, it just was made with more courage than you or I will ever have. Get fucking weird before you die.

7. Harry Potter and the Deadly Weapons

The last one was a bootleg reconstructing a lost film. This bootleg creates a new movie. Harry Potter with GUNS. It starts with an old guy shooting out all the lights in a street, and keeps on going from there. You want to see true cinema? Watch Emma Watson shoot Neville Longbottom in the face.

6. Lo

Romance is dead. There was a romance here. But it got killed and dragged to hell. This man is trying to summon love from hell. All he summons is ham and also overly dramatic soundtrack. Most of the movie is two actors sitting in the dark being assholes to each other. They actually have amazing chemistry. The Demon, Lo, is amazing and my scrungly blorbo or whatever the fuck people say. It's also a musical.

5. The Man From Earth

This is actually just a good movie. It's like what if a movie was also a bunch of smug people's podcast. However, they all are used to being smug and podcasting as most of them are from Star Trek. Beautiful and wonderful performances about a bunch of nerds arguing about a caveman Buddhist Jesus. It's a palate cleanser for what else is in store.

4. Existenz

People like to talk about Cronenberg and how shocking Videodrome is or something like that. Thing is people don't talk about this weird shit as much. David Cronenberg is a gamer and he made the ultimate gamer movie: where the scary stuff is physical contact and metaphors for sex. Watch people graft new orfices on to shove gaming consoles into them. What if the matrix had a gun that shoots teeth? Yeah it doesn't have the gunfingerpenis from other cronengerg movies. However it does have a game controller made of asymmetrical nipples.

3. Lair of the White Worm

Scottish Snake Vampires. That's actually pretty cool and sounds great. Hugh Grant and the Doctor from Doctor Who have a bromance. Why is it on here? Because the director was too horny. Random nudity is the most tame and normal part of this movie. I am not against the human body being used in art. I also think people shouldn't be ashamed of their bodies.

Except this director. He ends the movie with Hugh Grant lifting up Peter Capaldi's kilt and Capaldi bites him. Want to make movie night uncomfortable for everyone? Show this. Porn is less horny.

2. Wizards

This movie has so many great bits. The thing is you know about the great bits because no one wants to watch the whole thing. Imagine a movie with all the issues of Lair of the White Worm, while also made by a man who is by volume 80% cocaine, 10% rivalry with R. Crumb, and 10% mommy issues. Then have Mark Hamil show up for like five minutes. Then turn it into a commentary on fascist propaganda. It's the greatest artistic achievement in making movies that will make no one happy at movie night.

Possession (uncut version)

This is the nuclear option. If i don't want people to talk to me ever again, I'll show them this movie. You want to see a film made by the most Divorced man ever? Sure let's watch this. Elon Musk wishes he was this movie, but he, like everyone who sees this film, is a coward. The fucked up film that was banned in the UK for decades tells us the truly greatest fear of men: A version of the man who is a better husband than they are, especially if it's a living pile of raw viscera that is better at satisfying their spouse in bed.

No one i've shown this movie to has talked to me afterwards. I use it like pest control folks used DDT back in the day. Ironically, the movie has the same effect on Condor eggs. One day, however, i will show this to someone and they will like it. In that case, I will have three options:

-The person will be my new best friend.

-The person will be a cinderella-glass-slipper true love fit for me.

-This person will kill me in the next 24 hours.

All three of these will be true. The person who fits this will inherit my social media accounts, and be cursed with them until they complete this cycle again with someone else.

Anyways thank you for liking and subscribing to my Ted Talk.

[timeagainreviews]

The Secret Finality of “Survival”

An admirable quality of Doctor Who has always been its ability to adapt to change. From it’s genesis, it has overcome budget restraints and technical setbacks to the delight of many. Not even the need to replace their main actor could stop Doctor Who. It’s not easy then to try and dissect exactly why Doctor Who could not survive the 1980’s. There are key moments when the show alienated viewers in a major way, but sometimes shows wear out their welcome with general audiences. Even in the First Doctor era people were asking how much longer the show could continue. Had the show become a parade of changing faces? It’s ironic then that it was Patrick Troughton’s fresh face which reignited the mystery of the Doctor. Just when you thought you knew the Doctor, he became someone else entirely. Over the years, Doctor Who’s ability to renew itself proved to be its greatest asset. Sadly, however, the Sylvester McCoy era was to be the last regeneration for the original series of Doctor Who.

When production on season 26 began in 1988, rumours of cancellation were already in the air. Not only had public opinion shifted away from the show in dramatic fashion, but the budget had been gutted forcing more difficult and less controlled location shooting. Before the season had finished airing, the production crew knew there would be no season 27. Producer John Nathan-Turner was forced to scramble for some sort of final episode to cap off 26 years of a BBC family tradition. The season was originally supposed to end with “Ghost Light,” but it was decided that the three-part story “Survival,” would function better as a finale. At first glance, it’s easy to think “What? Why?” But I would argue that the reason is that it was always leading back to the Master, of course.

Doctor Who could probably have continued to battle monsters across space and time going from face to face for years. But even the Troughton era’s new visage could not overcome the rut writers had found themselves in with aimless base-in-peril stories. The Doctor needed a more personal threat. Daleks and Cybermen were of course classic baddies, but they were generally faceless and emotionless. Perhaps the villains should also have a face. Some of the more popular one-off antagonists were individuals who possessed strong wills and personalities. For example- the Toymaker, the Meddling Monk, Mavic Chen, or the ironically faceless Great Intelligence. It wasn’t until the Pertwee Era did the Doctor find his ultimate foe in the Master.

The introduction of the Time Lords sacrificed a bit of the mystery of the Doctor’s character. Suddenly, the cosmic vagabond had a home and a species. It’s only fair that in this sacrifice, we gained the Doctor’s perfect antagonist. The Master is everything the Doctor isn’t, while being exactly what the Doctor is. They both know the secrets of time travel. They both regenerate. They both have TARDISes. But the Master is that twisted reflection of the Doctor. The Twelfth Doctor once said “Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.” But in the trolley problem that is life, the Master’s choices are self-serving and sadistic. The Master is the man who would have still bashed the caveman’s skull with a rock. This sort of sadism, masculinity, and war are at the forefront of first-time Doctor Who writer Rona Munro’s script.

Having recently explored Ace’s personal history in both “Ghost Light,” and “The Curse of Fenric,” it seems fitting that the Doctor and Ace should end up back in her hometown of Perivale. While the character arc of learning why she burned down the Gabriel Chase mansion as a child seems like a fitting end for her character, I would argue it’s just as interesting to see Ace return home. Rarely in classic Doctor Who were we shown the companions returning home, and usually it was always to say goodbye. Had we seen a season 27, this would have marked the first time a companion returned home only to continue travelling with the Doctor. This is just one of many ways in which Ace was the proto-modern companion. We often see modern Doctor Who companions returning home to check in with family and have a cuppa. These moments give us a glimpse into the way travelling with the Doctor has changed them. Ace’s reaction to Perivale is on par. But it’s not just Ace who has changed while she was away. Things in Perivale don’t exactly add up. Old friends have gone missing. And the local community centre is now populated by macho self-defence classes taught by a paranoid military man named Paterson.

I mentioned earlier that the budget put massive strains on the production crew. Despite this, they make excellent use of story craft. “Survival,” plays out more like an independent film than a serial from a classic BBC series. In some respects, this was Doctor Who back to its roots- a small ragtag crew putting emphasis on writing and creative problem-solving. There is an attempt at atmosphere. Perivale feels gritty and a bit run down, a detail Munro attributed to the town due to her own youth in a grittier Scotland under Margaret Thatcher. She would later reflect that when she actually saw Perivale, she found it charming. Mind you, the real Perivale never acted as a nexus for extraterrestrial kitty cats. And as a cat owner myself, those little fuckers do not respect personal property. They dig up the garden. They claw the sofa. They make nerds washing their cars disappear. 

It would be easy to say that these first couple of episodes are sparse. Their synopses are among the shortest you’ll find on TARDIS Data Core. But that doesn’t mean they’re entirely empty either. The script to David Lynch’s Eraserhead was only 20 pages and it made an 88-minute film that my wife said felt like three hours. I would argue that building tone can be just as effective as narrative. Much of the first episode in particular feels like building a sense of desperation. There is desperation to leave Perivale. Desperation to find the missing youth of the town. Desperation to survive.

Perhaps the most desperate to survive is the Master. We’ve seen him on his last regeneration. We’ve seen him extra crispy. In the Eighth Doctor movie we see him so desperate to escape death that he’ll snake his way down Eric Roberts’ throat. And here we find the Tremas Master, wearing someone else’s face using the minds and bodies of the youth of Perivale to escape a sentient planet where he got himself trapped. For a newer writer and first timer to Doctor Who, I would argue that Munro absolutely nails the Master’s character. The Master will stoop to anything that will ensure his survival. It’s in his name. He must control others. He must control his destiny. He refuses to let death be his master. Even years later when John Simm’s Master chooses death, it is in his defiance of the Doctor. It is his refusal to let the Doctor control him. In the Master’s mind, other people exist only to serve his means.

Meanwhile, the equally astounding eternal god that is the Doctor is having trouble with catfood and the neighbourhood watch. I find no end of enjoyment in watching the Doctor shoo a dog away from cat food, so much so that I made it into a ten-minute loop. He’s escaped a Dalek holding cell, survived a murderous satellite, and avoided ritualistic execution. But at this moment, he just needs this dog to stop eating his cat food long enough to trap a Kitling. Having been spotted hiding away in some old nan’s garden, the neighbourhood watch is called in to see to the Doctor. This brings us back to Paterson, because of course it does. Paterson is exactly the kind of twit to be up in everyone’s business. I don’t blame the old nan though, you do what you gotta do to feel safe, boo.

It’s Ace’s scream that brings the Doctor and Paterson to the playground where Ace is being chased about by a “Cheetah People.” They really dug deep on that name there. Something I found myself enjoying was the way in which Ace used the metal playground structures to evade capture. It made me think about how Ace may have played in this very jungle gym as a child. Would she have made up stories in her head where she pretended to evade invisible enemies? In this way, Ace has a home-team advantage. This advantage is short-lived, however, after she is transported to the Cheetah Planet (another cracker of a name). The Doctor and Paterson also find themselves transported under its red sky as the Master stands by to greet them.

I joke about the name of the Cheetah Planet and the Cheetah People, but I do actually like some of the ambiguity. Sure, it maybe sounds like Charleton Heston is about to find half a Statue of Liberty, but I like that they’re a bit of a mystery. Even though the Doctor has heard of them, he doesn’t really know anything about them. We don’t know what to expect from our feline friends, but the introduction of the Master shows us that they’re probably victims as well. Once again the Master is using others for his own purposes. 

Storywise, I would say episode two is probably the weakest of the three. Most of the episode is Ace avoiding Cheetah People and discovering her missing friends from Perivale, some of whom have been surviving on the Cheetah Planet for weeks. Something about the Cheetah Planet causes people to become feral. First changing their minds and slowly, over time, their bodies as well. This primal source holds the power to transform people into Cheetah People. Now, when Munro had originally written the script, she was thinking something a little more subtle. The Cheetah People were never meant to be in full masks, but rather closer to the facial prosthetics of Star Trek. You would have been able to see the actor’s performance underneath their new catlike features.

I mention this because the look of the Cheetah People is a sticking point for a lot of fans. Not even the cast or crew were happy with their look. Even Rona Munro complained that the masks were distracting from her lesbian subplot between Ace and Karra. Because if you can look beyond the mask, you’ll find a deeper story. While some furry Whovians out there may not have much trouble accepting a story about Cheetah People in bad fursuits, to others it was offputting. Because of that, I think Survival struggled and continues to struggle with being taken seriously. For me, it’s on par with “The Web Planet,” and the Menoptera, a similar story and creature that are often maligned by people who find them embarrassing. And like “The Web Planet,” you’ll find a story about anthropomorphic animals being controlled by a single sadist. They’re like Doctor Who’s Ewoks in that way. And like Ewoks, some people think they’re a mistake. Those people are wrong, by the way.

The Master does his best to look as though the Doctor has fallen into his trap, but what seems like a grand scheme is little more than a last-ditch effort to escape the Cheetah Planet. Due to the Kitlings’ ability to trap people there, the Master’s hope is to use this power to leave. He makes a great effort to look like the supreme overlord of this empire of dirt, but the Doctor sees right through him as always. He sees the Master’s gambit for what it is- the boasts of the most powerful man in prison. And the longer the Master finds himself on this forsaken planet, the less control he feels. Sure, the Master loves a bit of carnage, but it’s this loss of self that frightens him. Losing control of himself to the wild nature of the Cheetah Planet is another form of death, and as we know, the Master possesses a deep seated fear of losing control.

You’ll forgive me if my memory of the events that follow are a bit hazy. I’ve seen Survival several times and even now I struggle to recall key plot points. What’s important is that Ace has formed a bond with one of the Cheetah People, Karra (played by Doctor Who royalty Lisa Bowerman), and their running together has begun to turn Ace feral. It’s implied that running with the Cheetah People hastens the transition into ferality, but even with that consideration, Ace’s change feels abrupt. Some of Ace’s cohorts had been trapped for weeks without so much as a whisker. It’s a minor gripe from a serial plagued with minor gripes. I’m probably being fairer to Survival than I normally would because of the extenuating circumstances surrounding the production. An inexperienced writer, a show on the brink of cancellation, and a budget slashed to hell do this story no favours. In that way, it feels like a mean thing to judge it too harshly. And as we’ve seen from her return with “The Eaters of Light,” Munro can actually write.

Another thing this story does that acts as a sort of pre-cursor to modern Doctor Who (or in the continuity of the show- its very next episode) is the way the Master will take on companions of his own. Much like Chang Lee, Ace’s pal Midge is lied to and manipulated by the Master. The Master uses his feral nature to transport him back to Perivale which is exactly what he wanted. We can hand wave away how the Master knew Ace and the Doctor would ever return to Perivale long enough to notice all of Ace’s mates have gone missing. Like I said, minor gripes. Now in Perivale with kitty cat Midge, the Master literally pilots Midge around looking to recruit more young men into his harem… er… army.

Having escaped a catastrophe with the Cheetah People (with no thanks to the cowardly Paterson) the Doctor and Ace are now back in Perivale ready to square off against the Master and his group of misanthropes who may as well be carrying tiki torches if it wasn’t for the fact that it was broad daylight. The big showdown, however, appears in the form of the Doctor and Midge running motor bikes at one another in a game of chicken. By that description, the scene sounds less clever than it actually is, but when you follow the theme of the story, it says a lot. Initially, it is Ace who volunteers to run down Midge, but the Doctor knows if she were to engage, it would turn her completely feral. Knowing that his own mind is at stake, the Doctor still takes her place, refusing to let her fight his battles for him. The Master, on the other hand, is far more comfortable sending Midge in his stead. At this moment, we are given a visual representation of the fundamental difference between the Doctor and the Master’s ideologies. It is this scene that makes me believe Survival is actually the best choice they could have made for a final Doctor Who story.

Unable to accept defeat and leave well enough alone, the Master pulls the Doctor back to the Cheetah Planet for one final bestial showdown. But even in his increasingly feral state, the Doctor’s compasion overrides the instinct to bash the Master’s brain in with a skull. I referenced the First Doctor’s feeble attempt at bashing a caveman’s skull with a rock, and that wasn’t without reason. In an accidental manner, the show has brought the Doctor around full circle by echoing his first story. Originally it was Ian who had stayed his hand, and now, through years of travelling with human companions, it is the Doctor who stays his own hand. The Doctor refuses to live and die as an animal, and because of this, he is able to walk off into the sunset for future adventures.

Over the years, we learned that the Doctor is a Time Lord from Gallifrey. But even still, the Doctor defies explanation. But through meeting the Master, we learn what the Doctor very easily could have become. We may not know who the Doctor is, but through the Master, we have learned who the Doctor isn’t. In this last story with the Doctor, we don’t learn his name. Very little more information is gained about the Doctor. Instead, it is reiterated what the Doctor believes. Life is sacred. People aren’t pawns. Take responsibility for your problems. We also learn why the Master always loses- he only thinks about himself. Ultimately, it’s community and caring for others that ensures our survival. 

[wayslidecool]

top 10 best spongebob episodes?

okay, so i'll come forward and say i probably can't give you a top 10. i haven't been caught up with the show for a few years now, and it's been a long while since i've seen most of the episodes, even the ones i do enjoy. so instead what i'm gonna do is give more of a generalized "i remember these episodes being pretty damn good". will probably go out of my way to highlight more niche picks. so uh, these aren't my top 10, just ten episodes i like that i felt like talking about.

all this is under the cut because i don't wanna flood peoples' dashboards talking about Sponge Bob lmao

so first thing first, let's get some of the obvious picks out of the way: i think pretty much everyone knows that pizza delivery (s1, ep 5a), band geeks (s2, ep 35b), graveyard shift (s2, ep 36a), krusty krab training video (s3, ep 50b), and chocolate with nuts (s3, ep 52a) are some of the series' best. probably others i'm missing but like. everyone loves those episodes, countless people have talked about why they're great, i don't think there's much i could say that hasn't been said by other people and said better.

so let's highlight some others that i personally found really good that i probably can say more about!

tea at the treedome (s1, ep 1c)

man, talk about coming out swinging. this episode is part of the very first block and i think it is so, so strong. i think what makes this episode work so well for me is how they handle spongebob, how he so badly doesn't want to disturb his new friend that he becomes completely passive and can't even ask for water is so good, feels very relatable. i love the way this episode handles his internal monologue, showing his increasing desperation up until he inevitably snaps. ("I NEED IT!") it's so so good, such a good showcase of his character.

patrick's also great here! he hits such that nice balance of "well-intentioned stupidity" that defines all his best appearances. the way he sees spongebob slowly breaking down and tries to remind him to stay classy ("when in doubt, pinky out!"), eventually coming in himself to show spongebob things aren't so bad and immediately being proven wrong, it's all just so good.

my only real knock against this one is that for sandy's debut episode, i feel like she doesn't really get to do a lot. which is definitely a pity, but i dunno, i don't wanna hold it against this episode too much because they definitely give her some great episodes later on, and this episode otherwise nails the character writing.

sb-129 (s1, ep 14a)

this is a really high-concept episode to put in the show's first season, don't you think? honestly i think this is an episode worth checking out for the spectacle more than anything. don't get me wrong there's some killer jokes, the joke about everything being chrome in the future, the way squidward inadvertently ends up inventing jellyfishing, there's some good stuff, but let's face it. the real reason you come to this episode is for its sheer scale. idk about you, but i can sort of give or take "caveman humor".

but man, this is an episode that goes places. i mean, in eleven minutes, we get a snippet of the future, the past, and the nowhere dimension (the last of which i'll go over a bit later on). on one hand, it kinda feels like the episode has to rush through them all, but on the other hand, it doesn't feel like any of these time periods are meant to be all that fleshed out. they mostly exist to provide an interesting setpiece, deliver a few jokes, and then move the story to the next place. i could see an alternate longer version of this episode feeling like it drags on a bit too much.

and man, that nowhere dimension. i love that scene so, so much. it's surreal, it's memorable, it's a bit unnerving, and it adds so much to this already high-concept episode. that scene's probably the highlight of the whole thing to me (and MIGHT be what elevates it to a personal favorite) but i'd definitely say the whole thing is worth your time.

dying for pie (s2, ep 24a)

i think this is another of those episodes everyone can sorta agree is one of the best, but eh. i wanted to talk about it anyway because yeah it's just that good. i think spongebob and squidward are probably the best character duo in the entire show, and this is probably the best example of said dynamic. i really like how the plot is set in motion by squidward's carelessness, how his apathy is what forces him to realize how much he actually cares about his neighbor. what i love even more is the balancing act they play with the spongebob-squidward dynamic, the way they're still able to keep spongebob a bit annoying to squidward while still letting squidward genuinely care.

besides all the character stuff, man is this episode just funny. the absurdity of the pirates selling pies that are actually bombs, spongebob's sweater of tears, "Eleven times?!", spongebob's bucket list including showing squidward to everyone wearing a salmon suit and open heart surgery? yeah this episode has a lot of heart (hehe!) but never is it at the expense of the episode's comedy.

the only thing i could maybe see someone holding against this episode is that spongebob having not eaten the pie is kind of an ass pull but like. the writers aren't gonna kill off the main character, come on. and besides, i think the twist ultimately serves the episode well, i think getting that scene of squidward expressing his exasperation over everything he had to go through really reminds us why we love this dynamic: no matter how much squidward secretly cares about spongebob, spongebob's always gonna be a little bit annoying to him. d'awwwww.

squid on strike (s2, ep 40a)

speaking of good spongebob/squidward episodes! this one is so, so underrated i think. it's not really one of the show's most quotable episodes, but at the same time, i kinda think that works in its favor, if that makes any sense. jokes aren't as good if you know they're coming, so an episode filled to the brim with really good jokes that aren't especially quotable ends up hitting just as hard on rewatches. it might not have the same staying power as something like band geeks or chocolate with nuts, but because of that it manages to always surprise you with just how funny it is.

and to make it clear: this episode is hilarious. mr. krabs trying to charge his employees for things like "existing" and "breathing", spongebob's idea of getting more from his job just being getting to wear a comically oversized hat, the general cluelessness of both spongebob and the population, spongebob taking squidward's anticapitalist metaphors a bit too literally, there's a lot of good material here. probably also helps that this is the episode where squidward says "Nobody gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification." so true bestie.

i think what buoys this episode beyond just its great jokes is once again how it nails the characters. spongebob loves his job, sure, but the only thing he loves even more is his good friend squidward, so of course spongebob will become more passionate about the strike when mr. krabs insults squidward! so much so, that he's willing to dismantle the establishment, board by board! and conversely, the one thing that could make squidward give in is the idea that he might be on strike with spongebob forever. as i've said. spongebob and squidward are the best dynamic on this show.

nasty patty (s3, ep 44a)

this is probably the darkest episode of the entire series, and i love it SO much for that. like, i wouldn't say it's unreasonably dark, they make it apparent from the very first line of the episode that the health inspector doesn't actually die, but we are still looking at an episode of a children's cartoon where the main characters are thoroughly convinced they've murdered an innocent bystander and spend the whole episode trying to cover it up. and it's hilarious.

i think the juxtaposition of such a storyline with a character as innocent as spongebob is what really elevates this episode for me. ("The dark deed you requested is done, sir.") the whole episode ends up becoming this exercise in just how long they can keep up the central joke before the characters inevitably find out what's going on, especially with the multiple fake-outs! i love how there's multiple instances where the health inspector briefly regains consciousness, only to be immediately knocked out again. so good.

and as a result of that structure, it manages to escalate so well, with how they bring in the police and manage to keep coming up with situations where they have to keep the not-so-dead body just barely out of view. the scene where spongebob stuffs the health inspector in his hat (pictured above) is probably the highlight of the episode to me, it just so perfectly illustrates how silly this story manages to get.

fear of a krabby patty (s4, ep 61a)

so most people agree that the series went downhill after the first three seasons. and they'd be right! the first three seasons are absolutely the show at its peak and the show never managed to recapture its glory days in the seasons that followed. but it's not like they flipped some switch and the show was suddenly bad. hell, if anything, "fear of a krabby patty" (the very first episode after the movie!) might be one of my all-time favorites. in fact, and this statement may sound treasonous, but i think i like this one more than their other 24-hour adventure in "graveyard shift". yeah, i said it! bite me!

of course, the krusty krab being open for 24 hours with spongebob and squidward being forced to work the full shift is about all this episode has in common with that one, as the stories go in pretty wildly different directions from there. i love the way plankton is integrated into this episode. his "dr. peter lankton" schtick is so funny in how obvious his intentions are, leading to some killer therapy jokes and a couple instances of being crushed by a piano.

another highlight of this episode is its distinctive animation style! c.h. greenblatt has a very recognizable art style, you can usually easily tell which episodes he boarded (like dying for pie up above!) but you can especially tell with this one. actually, between its loose, expressive animation and its zippier pacing compared to the classic seasons, this almost feels like sort of like a post-sequel episode? i wonder if this episode would be all that different if they made it in season 11. i don't mean this in a bad way, for the record -- i think this episode manages those traits really well.

mermaid man & barnacle boy vi: the motion picture (s4, ep 67b)

i don't really have much to say here i just think this one's funny as hell. it's not like it thrives off these intricate character dynamics, or this elaborate well-plotted story, its plot is just a vehicle for a flurry of ridiculous jokes that all end up hitting for me. you know that thing where you see some bad movie and are like, "i could do better than that!" despite having no filmmaking experience? that's the central conceit of this episode, and it works to hilarious effect.

this episode may not thrive off of intricate character dynamics sure, but i still think it uses its characters very well. it does a good job finding everyone's role in making the movie, from spongebob as director, squidward as the makeup artiste, sandy as the pyrotechnician ("Did somebody say BOOM?!"), plankton as the boom operator ("Did somebody say BOOM?!") and of course, pearl as the boatmobile. it does such a good job putting every character in a position where they have extremely high, extremely unearned confidence.

and that's really just where this episode succeeds! it's not complicated, you throw dynamic characters in a ridiculous situation and mine the comedy gold. helps that this episode has some killer running gags.

boating buddies (s6, ep 109a)

yeah, let's throw a controversial pick on here, why the hell not. so to make things abundantly clear: i do not in the slightest think this is one of the best spongebob episodes ever written. i also totally get why most people hate this one, and i don't think it's unjustified! that being said, when i was watching through season 6, i found this one of the funniest episodes of that season, and after thinking it through a bit, i think i understand why.

i'm not gonna try and dance around the argument that this episode ramps up spongebob's creepiness to absurd levels, or that it's unreasonably cruel to squidward, because it does and it is! HOWEVER. a lot of those criticisms seem to be under the assumption that, like most episodes, we're supposed to root against squidward and for spongebob. and like, that is clearly not the case here. this is very much an episode told from squidward's point of view. squidward doesn't like spongebob, so this episode will show us spongebob's worst side. squidward can't catch a break, because we've all had those days, right? this is an episode that puts the audience in squidward's shoes, and shows us why he's the way he is.

and i dunno, i think when you watch the episode under that pretense, it ends up working! or, at least it does for me. again, i can totally get why someone wouldn't like that characterization even if they understand the perspective this episode is written from. but to me, it ends up making gags like spongebob being able to hear squidward breathing from his house, or the drawn-out blackboard gag set to an orchestral score work that much better. throw in a frenetic boating scene towards the end with that surreal laboratory sequence for a bit of extra energy, and ultimately it ends up being an episode i enjoy. it's definitely not gonna be for everyone, i wouldn't necessarily highly recommend this one, but if you're gonna watch it, at least try to do so with the writers' intentions in mind.

planet of the jellyfish (s8, ep 169b)

you know, for as long as the show's been on the air, it doesn't feel like you really get those big, outside-the-box episodes all that often. spongebob is a show with a comfortable status quo, rarely deviating from its usual character dynamics, locations, and stock stories, so when we get something like this "invasion of the body snatchers" pastiche, it ends up standing out a lot more among its peers.

i think they made a good decision with this episode to keep spongebob oblivious about what's going on just long enough to mine that for its comedic potential, and no longer. if you had that eat away at much more of the episode, i think it could've dragged, but we get the best material of spongebob's obliviousness (like his awkward conversation with the jelly squidward, or seeing the jellien attempting to bite him and assuming it just wants popcorn), and after that the story lets spongebob find out, lets the story move on, and start building the suspense

i think that the monster movie pastiche does a good job giving this episode a unique flavor, it ends up feeling a bit higher stakes than a lot of spongebob episode, while also using this opportunity to riff on the genre and make a lot of silly and offbeat jokes, like the jellies kidnapping spongebob's spatula for some reason, spongebob freaking out about all his friends being kidnapped... and some random incidental, all the jelly clones hissing at a dude for ordering a patty with mayo (which turns out to be their weakness!), it feels like it does a good job making the most of its genre parody.

krabby patty creature feature (s11, ep 222a)

oh hey, another b-movie monster movie pastiche. look, i'm not gonna beat around the bush. i'm a sucker for these things, okay? in general, season 11 is probably one of my favorite seasons of the later part of the show's run, i think it generally does a good job feeling fresh with a mix of new character pairings, offbeat story concepts, and a handful of genre pastiches. like this one! truth be told there's absolutely other S11 episodes i could've picked that'd give this list more variety (squid noir would probably be my next choice, consider that an honorable mention) but listen. monster movie episodes are fun, okay?

compared to planet of the jellyfish, i think creature feature is generally a bit more frantic, really thriving from the sense of urgency the story concept provides. less suspense, more action! unlike the previous episode, this episode puts spongebob at the center of the action right from the start, letting him see the situation unfold and ultimately become the one tasked with stopping it. perhaps you miss out on some of the jokes about spongebob's naivety, but the increased tension more than makes up for it. plus we can now use that time to show how the mayhem is effecting people around town, get gags where bubble bass complains about the cheap promotional stunt, or a cop complaining about the zombie apocalypse interrupting his break. good stuff!

this is another episode where i think i have to give a shout out to the animation. i know some people complain about the recent seasons being overanimated, which is a complaint i definitely feel for some episodes, but i think this episode uses its really expressive, really fluid animation to great effect, really selling us on spongebob's terror with these big expressions. i also gotta shoutout some of the character designs for the patty monster versions of the characters, you can tell the animators working on this episode had to have a blast with it, and i feel like the end result really pays off.

and... that's it for the episodes i feel like talking about right now! is this the Cream of the Crop? probably not, but they're all episodes i've enjoyed, and it's nice getting to sit back, elaborate why i like these episodes so much (even if it's been pretty time-consuming LMAO). thanks for asking!

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bisexuality is funny when its skewed towards one side. like yea, ill call myself bi, but im mainly attracted 2 women. that doesnt mean im not attracted 2 dudes tho, jus not as much.

like. when it comes 2 women, i dont have a "type," im jus like caveman ooga booga brain "OOOO WOMAN"

but when it comes 2 guys i have a VERY specific type. there are exceptions of course but its generally tall skinny pretty white boy w (usually long) brown hair n blue/green eyes

the only exception 2 this mainly being patrick stump b/c he fits all the other criteria but he's a.) not tall (same height as my short ass!!!) n b.) his hair was blonde For A Time