#cause um literally. he's got the looks that everyone goes for. me too. billy i want to be you.

[vulpinesaint]

nonbinary as in both parts of picture show from the bonnie and clyde musical

[xtrashmammalstefx]

How To Piss Off An Old-Fashioned Ghost (A Zak Bagans SMUT!)

WARNINGS: Smut, cussing, all that jazz.

Special Thanks to: @xcazzax​ who never fails to give me ideas and inspire me to write shit like this. 

We were about to investigate the mecca of haunted hotels. The one place you go to and know you made it as a paranormal investigator. The majestic and infamous Stanley Hotel.

To say the guys and I were ecstatic would be an understatement. I swear you would think we were kids at Disneyland we were so excited. So much so we agreed to take a different approach to this one.

You see normally we’d investigate a place for one night, take a quick nap, and then be on our way home or to the next haunt the next day. For this one though we knew we had to do it differently. After all many people purported having things happen to them during the night whilst everyone else was asleep. So we got ourselves the most haunted rooms and were gonna sleep there the whole night with night vision cameras recording us the whole time.

“Ready to get it on with a cowboy?” I asked Aaron as we were being checked in.

“You know he only goes for the ladies right?” he said. “As in he’d probably react more to you than my bearded ass.”

“Yeah but…”

“Uh, Y/N, did you want your own room or..?” Zak asked.

“I told you I’m not chickening out of the plan,” I said.

“Plan?” Aaron questioned.

“Remember when the guide mentioned Mrs. Wilson having shit fits when unmarried couples share the bed in her room?”

“Oh…” Aaron nodded. “Wait...since when are you and Zak a thing?”

“We’re not,” Zak said. “Which will only add fuel to the fire.”

“Exactly,” I smirked.

“This isn’t an excuse for you two to bone is it?” Nick asked.

“What? NO!” I snapped at him.

“Dude! We’re literally gonna be in front of a camera the whole time!” Zak said starting towards the elevator.

“Yeah ‘cause sex tapes aren’t a thing,” Aaron said. I smacked him on the arm as we stepped into the elevator.

“Dude this is strictly work. As in we plan on remaining professional at all times,” Zak explained. “And the same goes for you two, alright? No scratching your nuts or your ass in front of the camera.”

“And for the love of GOD let’s hope none of you wake up with morning wood,” I added. All three men raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh come on last thing anyone wants is for our careers to go down the crapper all because you all woke up and revealed tents in your pants.”

“She does have a point there,” Zak said shrugging.

“Pun intended,” I muttered making them burst out laughing.

Later that night Zak checked in with our guys while I made myself comfortable under the sheets.

“All good here bro,” Aaron said over the walkie.

“Yeah everything’s good to go here Zak,” Nick added.

“Alright see you in the morning,” Zak said putting the walkie down. He got under the sheets beside me and turned off the light. “Ready?”

“Let’s do it,” I whispered. Zak laid down and I draped my body over him. “Night babe.”

“Night, gorgeous,” Zak said leaning down. His lips pecked mine. It sent a jolt through me; as though his lips had finally found the home they always wanted. My heart drummed in my chest as Zak deepened the kiss.

As his lips lingered on mine he wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over so that he was on top. I pulled back and chuckled. “Babe it’s late,” I said as Zak peppered kisses on my neck. I moaned. “We’re gonna get a noise complaint!”

“Only if you’re too loud,” he said bringing his lips to mine. I ran my arms along his bare back pressing my body closer to his. I guess our act worked a little too well, for not even a moment later Zak screamed. “GAH FUCK!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked as he got off of me.

“Something scratched my back,” he said. “Oh fuck!” He was suddenly tumbling over off of the bed, landing on the floor with a thud. I switched the light on and joined him.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, Mrs. Wilson just nudged me off the bed,” he said.

“Turn around so I can document this,” I said before running to get a camera. Zak turned his back to me the second I got back. “Holy shit.”

“What?” I took out my phone and took a picture of it. I showed it to him and the blood left his face. On his back were three intense scratches. Tiny droplets of blood spurted out of them. “SON OF A BITCH!”

I grabbed my toiletry bag and dug out bandages, a small towel and alcohol. “Bite the blanket,” I said sitting in front of his back.

“What?”

“I’m gonna clean them up,” I said unscrewing the cap. “Bite something before people call the cops on us for murder.” I poured alcohol onto the towel and ran it down Zak’s back. Thankfully he listened and bit down on the blanket so rather than a scream he let out a muffled groan. I blew on the wounds gently then applied the bandages. “Okay you’re good.” I put my first aid stuff and the camera away and checked the night vision cam. It was still running smoothly and caught every single moment of the attack. Once I was done I put the night vision cam back in place and rejoined Zak.

“I think I’ll just sleep down here the rest of the night,” Zak said.

“Alright, um, night I guess,” I said before pecking him on the cheek. I switched the light off and started standing to get back into bed.

“Y/N?” Zak’s voice made me freeze and turn back.

“Yeah?”

“I know I shouldn’t but…” he never finished what he was saying. Instead he leaned in and crashed his lips to mine. The same jolt I’d felt before was back, only this time it was stronger. My whole body melted into his and we laid back on the floor.

“Do-Do you think we could…” I said as he sucked on the skin on my neck. “I mean with the camera right there?”

“Camera’s aimed at the bed,” Zak said. “As long as you don’t make too much noise we should be safe.”

I smirked. “No promises, Bagans.”

He kissed me one more time before helping me off with my shirt. We tossed aside along with my shorts, and panties. Zak’s lips pecked at my breasts. His tongue flicked at my nipples causing a moan to escape from my lips.

“Remind me to apologize to Billy later,” I said.

“I think I’m just gonna have to edit this footage myself,” Zak chuckled. Feeling more excited now I reached down and started nudging his pajama bottoms down. Zak got the hint and pulled them off; his length springing out hard and thick, just like the rest of him.

“Mrs. Wilson is gonna kill us,” I laughed.

“You forgot to ask me if I give a fuck,” Zak said lining himself up with my entrance. “Which, by the way, I fucking don’t.” He pushed in.

I held on to him as he moved inside me. The feeling was something out of this world. I mean sure, I’ve been with other people before (as I’m sure Zak has) but none of those experiences compare to the one I was having with Zak. It was like my body was made for his, and vice versa. I thrill of it only added to it. After all Zak wasn’t exactly the ‘fuck on the job’ kind of guy; on the contrary he was professional at all times. So seeing this change in him now...it felt kind of ballsy...like we were kids again breaking the rules.

Apparently Mrs. Wilson thought the same. “OW FUCK!” I screamed after feeling a sharp pain in my arm. Zak froze.

“What’s wrong?” I pulled my arm back and touched it gently. When I pulled my fingers back they were slightly wet.

“Mrs. Wilson punished me,” I said. I felt him brush his hand on my arm.

“That bitch!” he cursed.

“It’s okay, just-just keep going,” I urged him.

“You sure?” he asked.

“I need to cum real bad so yeah I’m sure.” Zak started thrusting again.

A few minutes later he groaned. “Please tell me that was you,” he said.

“What was me?”

“Fuck!” he groaned. “Mrs. Wilson just scratched my ass.” I fought back a giggle and instead addressed the old bitch.

“Alright if I say I’m going to marry him will you please stop?” I asked Mrs. Wilson.

“Wait what?” Zak looked at me shocked. “You serious right now?”

“Zak, I’ve loved you for so long,” I said. “And, if you’ll let me, I very much want to spend my life with you.”

“I want to spend my life with you too,” he muttered.

“So...does this mean we’re officially engaged?” I asked.

“I-I guess it does,” Zak said.

Very well… I heard someone whisper.

“Did-did she really just give us her fucking approval?” Zak asked laughing.

“I- I think she did,” I chuckled furiously before getting back to the other subject at hand. “Now are you gonna fuck me or do I need to see if Billy is available?”

Zak stopped laughing and growled furiously. “You’d have to be insane if you think I’m gonna let another man fuck you instead of me.” He started thrusting harder, and angrier. He was so wild with rage that his cock hit me right in my sweet spot.

“OH FUCK!”

“Huh you like it when I fuck you there?” Zak asked before hitting the same spot again.

“Fuck baby, yes yes yes,” I moaned. “Right there, right there, right there.” Tension started to brew within me. “Fuck I-I think I’m gonna…” My body tensed up and I tightened around his length, damn near screaming his name.

My body trembled as I came down from my high and as I did Zak tensed up and I felt him twitch inside me. He groaned as he emptied himself inside me. Once he was empty he collapsed beside me.

“Who knew pissing off ghosts could be one hell of a turn on,” I said breathless.

“Pretty sure that was the best sex I’ve had in my life,” Zak said equally breathless.

“I know that was the best sex I’ve ever had,” I said.

We passed out soon after. The next morning we met up with Nick and Aaron in the lobby.

“So how’d your plan go?” Aaron asked.

“Amazingly,” I said blushing.

“Really?” he looked at me curiously.

Zak then approached us with Billy in tow. He wrapped his arm around me and pecked me on the forehead.

“See, I told you it was just an excuse for them to bone,” Nick said.

“Dude during an investigation, really?” Aaron judged us hard.

Zak and I just snuggled into each other and flipped him off.

He judged us still a year later as we enjoyed our wedding reception.

“DURING AN INVESTIGATION!” he went on and on.

We ignored him though and just focused on each other, soaking in the love we felt as Mr. And Mrs. Bagans.

[trshpando]

Rewriting Twilight (2009) cause I’m bored

- I may or may not be looking into this as a modern thing bc fuck the 2000s lmfaoooo so let’s say... 2017? that works right ?

- Okay, starting off, can we pLEASE give Renee a better reason for ABANDONING HER TEENAGE DAUGHTER? literally just the while leaving to be on the road thing just, pisses me off so badly

- okay okay okay hold on if i have to go into that route to fit with the story🙄 can we at least do it so that renee and phil take bella to forks instead of just being like “yup here’s your plane ticket see ya whenever” like renee at least takes bella and helps her settle in, even if she and charlie aren’t on the best of terms they’ll get along for their daughter

- growing up, charlie was way more involved with bella. she would spent several weeks during summer with him in forks, and the occasional time in several other places given that charlie got the time off

- while in forks, bella and charlie would spend time with the blacks; billy, rebecca, rachel, and jacob. she and the twins were closer than she and jacob ever would be, but the four of them were always disappointed when bella had to return to arizona

- bella and renee were like a perfect lil mother-daughter duo up until bella realized how lonely her mother was and encouraged her to date. although she was the one to encourage her, there was an immediate shift in their relationship

- when bella moved to forks, she hadn’t seen charlie for years—having decided herself to just, stop visiting. the few days renee was spending in forks with her were very much, as the kids say, awkward as fuck

- the boys in the high school weren’t just, so attracted to her? like have you been a new kid in a school? you’re the interest for like a week or two and then everybody is like eh whatever

- she still met mike, jessica, and angela and whoever the other guy is, um his name isn’t on the wiki so pardon me and they are absolute best friends, minus mike who 100% has a crush on her from the moment he sees her

- ERIC HIS NAME IS ERIC

- jessica, angela and bella totally have girl nights and you cannot tell me otherwise i mean theyre 17 ofc theyre gonna have girl nights and hangouts all the time

- jessica and angela help bella settle into the school, angela actually asks for bellas help for tips for the newspaper from time to time

- CULLEN TIME BB

- bella and edward are intrigued with one another but after that one day in science (biology? idk science class let’s go) bella thought he was kind of a massive dick and didn’t want anything to do with him, especially after jessica mentioned that he was totally closed off from everyone except his family

- okay fr cullen time

- i 100% am keeping the stories of emmett rosalie esme and carlisle cause yes

- one thing i do want to change, my girl rosalie is poc<3 fuck that white cullen vampire bullshit

- jasper was nOT a confederate soldier, fUCK THAT he was drafted, upset about it, but he still tried his best to make his country proud—which maria took advantage of.

- alice is poc too<3 we love poc women in this home<3<3

- (im only saying poc the rest is up to you<3>)

- can we pUHLEASE have the cullens act like regular people? instead of “oh those foster siblings and their love lives, oh dr cullen adopt me pls” can it be like, yeah carlisle and esme are foster parents and the only ones they’ve really “adopted” are edward and alice. rosalie and jasper are twins, and they just kind of have permission to live with the cullens and then emmett comes from let’s say an abusive home and the cullens were like wow fuck that shit we give you shelter AND THATS LESS WEIRD THAN FOSTER SIBLING LOVE

- AND THEY DONT SPARKLE IN THE FUCKING SUN, PLEASE

- okay back to regular programming

- edward still saves bella from getting crushed, and bella tries to talk to him about it but after edward is rude once again bella just says fuck you and bounces off

- jessica angela and bella say fuck boys and decide to do a girls group to prom bc my girls are besties

- edward knows that bella is his mate but he is pushing her away bc of her being human and he’s hurting bc of it

- despite his protests, alice befriends bella on her own and becomes close to her, with bella even inviting alice to join her and the girls to girls night — alice 100% tries to invite rosalie, but she only goes when she has nothing to do

- victoria james and laurent are still 100% tracking the cullens

- jessica angela bella alice and rosalie all go dress shopping. rosalie goes for the dresses while alice goes to watch over bella for edward. bella still detaches from the group, and gets harassed by that group but ITS ROSALIE THAT SAVES HER bc fuck if she’s gonna let another woman go through what she went through

- it’s through alice and rosalie that bella realizes the truth about the cullens (with the help jacob and his lil group making comments about the cullens)

- alice invites bella over to the house a lot, mostly trying to get edward to get close to her but it mainly just became a thing of bella getting close to literally everyone but edward bc he’s a pussy and doesnt wanna be near her out of fear of hurting her

- it isn’t until the baseball game (which rosalie thoughtfully invited bella to) and james victoria and laurent attack that edward finally admits that he is attracted to bella but at this point she’s like yeah that’s cool but you’ve been nothing but rude to me so

- as much as it pains him, he settles on just being friends with her

- the same tricky james story is the same. he tricks her to the ballet studio and tries to kill her blah blah blah

- edward tries to suck the venom out of bella’s system and nearly kills her in the process; rosalie and carlisle practically have to drag edward off of her, with rosalie taking him out of the building while carlisle takes care of bella

- everything is happily ever after, bella is in the hospital but edward isn’t there. he can’t trust himself around bella anymore, nor does he want to be near her after having almost killed her, though she doesn’t blame him cause he was really just trying to save her life

- bella still goes to prom, but it’s as a group instead; her, jessica, angela, mike, eric, and tyler (the guy that almost killed her with his car lmao) all go as a group.

- the cullens be there too with edward watching over bella but the moment she tries to talk to him, edward bounces.

- victoria still watches over, a plan already set in motion to kill bella as revenge for the cullens killing james

[emerald-echeveria-plant]

[Part 3 of ???]

The Lost Civilization

//Baozhai is doodling in a notebook. She drew a picture of the stranger aka Flint with little hearts draw around him.//

Baozhai, sighs in admiration: you're the most handsome man I've ever seen..

Cletus: Why thank you! I always did fancy myself as good-looking.

Baozhai, glares at Cletus: Not you! I'm talking about the stranger I saw from yesterday..

Cletus: Which one?

Baozhai: The handsome one..~

Cletus: ...

Cletus: Erik?

Baozhai: no!

Cletus: Sao?

Baozhai: No... The one that I felt I had a close connection to..

Cletus: Oooh! I know who you're talking about... The Captain is gonna be real mad if he finds out you're attracted to Haggis.

Baozhai: WHAT?! NO! NOT HIM! GROSS DEFINITELY NOT HIM!

Cletus: Well, then who is it?

Baozhai: I don't really know his name..

Cletus: If you don't know who the fuck it is, how am I supposed to know??

Baozhai, frustrated as hell by this point but somehow manages to stay calm: I'm talking about the guy that... Punched me in the face..

Cletus: Oooh... I already knew that I was just fucking with ya' *snickers*

//Baozhai punches Cletus in the stomach. Cletus falls the floor. He groans in pain as he clenches his stomach. Noëmie walks up to Baozhai and lightly taps her shoulder.//

Noëmie: Um.. Baozhai?

Baozhai, turns to Noëmie and annoyed: What do you want Noëmie?

Noëmie: I know almost everyone you talked to about your love interest isn't going to well... But uh, maybe the next time you see him, try to, I dunno... Get to know him more and tell him about yourself..?

Baozhai: ...

Baozhai: Noëmie... did you just give me advice about love?

Noëmie: Um, I think so..?

Baozhai: ...

Noëmie: ...

//Baozhai hugs Noëmie and twirls her around in her arms.//

Baozhai: Noëmie, you're a genius! That's a wonderful idea!

Noëmie: oh my, well, thank you!

Baozhai: Yes, I'll charm him! Flatter him! Make him mine! And if he doesn't accept it... I'LL RIP OUT HIS SPINE, GOUGE HIS EYES WITH A RUSTY NAIL, AND-

Noëmie, cutting her off: How about you don't do any of that brutalizing stuff..

Baozhai, genuinely confused: Why..?

Noëmie: Well if you love someone, you can't threaten them with violence and maiming. Especially when they don't accept your feelings.

Baozhai: Then, what do I do..?

Noëmie: Cry it out, accept thats how they feel, and move on.

Baozhai: That sounds good.. but what if I keep bothering him-

Noëmie: what-

Baozhai: keep professing my love to him-

Noëmie: wait-

Baozhai: and I'll make him mine..! I am such a genius!

Noëmie: Please don't do any of that..

Baozhai: Don't worry Noëmie, I won't do any of that unless he loves me back. You have nothing to fear! Because I am the master of charm 😏 oh! I better go practice putting on makeup.. since I don't really know how.

//Baozhai runs off to another part of the ship.//

Noëmie: ...

Noëmie, shakes head: This is going to end horribly.. I just know it is.

Islay, walking up behind her: You really shouldn't have said those things. Don't ya' realize the captain will take issue with her falling for one of Haggis's crewmates???

Noëmie: Oh dear! How could I forget their fueding..! I hope this infatuation is minor with Baozhai. Who knows what'll happen if the stranger falls in love with her too!

Islay: oh please, you don't need to worry about that. Baozhai has the literal sex appeal of a boat crash. It looks terrible but you just can't look away. I don't mean to insult her but it is true. Can't see any men or women falling in love with her personality or looks. And knowing Baozhai, she's going to do something stupid and dangerous to get his affection.

Noëmie: I mean she is rather distasteful at times but I wouldn't call her that...

Islay: This better not cause any issues. The captain already has enough on his plate with Haggis nearly killing him. But if it does, this'll be on your hands for getting those ideas into her head!

Noëmie: okay..

//Islay goes to help Cletus off the ground. She puts the injured man over her shoulder and proceeds to walk towards the hold. Leaving Noëmie alone on the deck. The dark grey canid poundered for a bit.//

Noëmie: I mean, it's not like Haggis and his crew are following us... Right..?

//And Noëmie couldn't have been more wrong. Because in fact, they were following right behind them... On Haggis's ship, they managed to fix up the hole that Bonnet had caused previously. Haggis was still pissed that Bonnet did that to his ship. He was getting revenge and they were going to pay with their blood. As Haggis navigated the ship, on the deck were Flint and Billy, swabbing the deck.//

Billy, looked over to Flint: So, you and that loony crewmate of Bonnet's... Kinda odd that they stared at you for a pretty long time.

Flint: Mhm.

Billy: ...

Billy: Not gonna say anything about that?

Flint: Whatever happened between me and that man was minor. So, no, I don't have anything to say about it.

Billy: Flint... That was a woman.

Flint, stops swabbing and looks at Billy: what?

Billy: That was a woman. That you also happened to punch. In the face.

Flint: Oh... Well, too late to take it back now.

//Flint walked towards the bucket of water. As he went to dip the mop into the bucket of water, Erik stepped in front of the path of the cabin boy.//

Erik: Hello Flinty~!

Flint: Erik. How disappointing to see you.

Erik: Oh you're such a charmer! Wonder if your little girlfriend thinks so too! *Chuckles*

Flint: What the hell are you taking about?

Erik: Heh, You think nobody noticed you and that little wench making goo-goo eyes at each other?? Because boy, everyone's been talkin about it!

Flint: First of all, he's- I mean, she's not my girlfriend. And secondly, I wasn't making "goo-goo" eyes at anyone. Especially towards someone who looks like they got their nose done by the front door.

Erik: hmm.. well, it'd be a real shame if someone told the captain about those rumors about you and that girl.. and told him they were true. Meaning you'd get punished some more for coercing with the enemy..😏

Flint, rolls his eyes: you want something don't you. Of course you do, I already know you too well... Now tell me what is it???

Erik, grinning: Give me half of yer loot when we find the treasure and I'll keep my mouth shut.

Flint: what if we don't find the treasure??

Erik: Then, I guess I'll have to tell the captain. Too bad you've barely gained his trust from the time you spent on this ship..

Flint: Just in case you didn't know, I loathe everything about you.

Erik, chuckles: Hehe, I know. So do we have a deal..?

Flint, sighs: what other choice do I even have..

Sao, interrupting their conversation: LAND HO!

//The crewmates put their attention forward. A few miles away from them was a planet with lush jungles and plants. Beaches with golden sand with oceans that seem so crystal clear you can see right through them. Not too far in a distance were tall golden buildings, along with statues of different deities. The ship came to a stop, landing near the sandy beaches.//

Captain Haggis, shocked: I can't believe it..

Sao: what is it captain..?

Captain Haggis: Don't you see it... This is the lost civilization of the Paititi! A city that has tons of gold hidden somewhere to prevent colonizers from stealing it..

//Haggis looks through a telescope. He looked towards where Bonnet's ship had landed. He saw Bonnet, what looked like giving his crew orders. Bonnet then pulled out several maps and passed them out to each of his crewmates. Haggis chuckled darkly.//

Captain Haggis: Too bad the "gentleman pirate" and his crew won't be as much as getting a dabloon of that treasure.. Sao, round up the crew and get them ready. I'm making sure they don't leave this place... Alive.

Sao: Yes Captain! Right away!

//Sao made her way down towards where the rest of the crewmates were.//

Sao: Alright everyone, Captain says to get ready.. we're going treasure hunting!

//The crew cheered with joy. Some lifting their swords and flintlock pistols in the air.

Meanwhile on Bonnet's ship, he finished giving out the maps to the rest of his crew.//

Captain Bonnet: Alright with these maps we can all split up into two pairs. They show where hidden booby traps are and how to get to the treasure.

Ironbeard: this all seems like a good idea captain but uh, why are you splitting us up into pairs exactly..?

Captain Bonnet: Because I think I'd be a much more quick and efficient way to do so! And also the twins have been freaking me out lately..

//Ironbeard and Bonnet turn their heads towards the Solace twins. The twins slowly crept their heads towards the rest of the the crewmates. They were holding hands and were side by side to each other. Their eyes looked soulless as they stared at the others.//

Solace twins: A horrible fate awaits to whoever dares to awake the beast's slumber from inside the depths of hell and they'll bring misfortune and misery if awoken.

Ironbeard: ...

Ironbeard: Yeah I guess I can see why.

((Bonnet, Baozhai, Noëmie, Cletus, Islay, and the Solace twins belong to me!

Haggis, Sao, and Erik belong to @chaossmith2))

[ironmandeficiency]

random thought of mine, which clone do you think would have the best singing voice? Ik they’re clones so they all sound the same fmdndn but still. i think jesse or echo maybe?

jesse would be such a beautiful singer, not a doubt in my mind. his voice is velvety, a bit husky with a hard punch of power. i’ve entertained this thought on multiple occasions and will one day write smth with singing jesse.

echo though? akhdkshkakdj i never thought abt him singing before now but i can totally see it, his voice being a bit less gritty than jesse’s but with a smidge more range and a clearness that rivals the scarif oceans.

gonna send thank-you’s to @obiorbenkenobi and @hxldmxdxwn for letting me ramble abt this post on discord at ungodly hours.

i made a playlist for this almost-au as well!!! find it here, and i’ll soon add it to my spotify shenanigans.

now enjoy me going into more detail abt these two boys than anyone asked for:

genre-wise i think jesse would be a bit more cocky and playful with his go-to songs, and he will dominate the stage with his godlike dancing every time he’s given the chance;

radar love by the golden earring - this is the song he first gets the confidence to dance to. once the crowd goes wild for it and he realizes how much he enjoys moving around, he keeps on doing it. there’s this one thing he does that’s like, um, jolting/bouncing (not sure how else to describe it) but the crowd thinks it’s great when he does it.

sexbomb by tom jones - his dancing here is utterly erotic and he knows how attractive it is, holy kriff. it’ll bring the entire bar staff to a standstill bc damn look at his hips go, sex god much??? most definitely grinds against the mic stand and gfgalkdfjghlkf it never fails to fluster quite a few patrons (this will soon be a full-fledged fic so keep your eyes open)

no mr. nice guy by alice cooper - he jokes sometimes that he was actually quite peaceful as a cadet before joining the five-oh-first. it isn’t a joke tho and you can blame fives and hardcase for making him go wild. but this song makes him think of when he stopped caring abt trying to impress the longnecks and he enjoys hitting the higher notes.

rock the casbah by the clash - this is where he learns to snap his hips to every “rock” with a bit extra force. the crowd has a blast clapping along, some of the more drunk people screeching “the shareef don’t like it!” at the top of their lungs. it’s upbeat 

rock this town by the stray cats - he’s having a damn good time with this song, a lot of elvis presley vibes. if he had enough hair he’d flip it. he does a bit of air guitar and will sway his mic stand around and bounce his knee to the beat.

strutter by kiss - he loves this one, it’s a personal favorite. he;ll be running his hands down his body when he’s still, but the times he’s walking around the stage he’s got a hand on his swinging hips, literally strutting. it’s so fun to watch him embrace the music

bad to the bone by george thorogood & the destroyers - a joking request from fives that turned into a crowd favorite. fives didn’t think his vod could do it but jesse rose to the occasion as he charmed his way through the song with his fun swagger and playful air sax. he drank quite a bit of water after this one bc he was unused to using as much gravel in his voice as this song took, but he enjoys it nonetheless.

echo would be softer with his choices, leaning more towards soulful and sweet in comparison to jesse’s wild side. he also plays both guitar and piano, i take no criticism on these points;

the night they drove old dixie down by the band - he plays this one after a rough mission and it’s deeply resonating with everyone there, everyone either putting down their drinks to let the song flow thru them, or grab something stronger to let it lull them into inebriation.

no plan by hozier - he sounds so beautiful with literally any hozier song tbh, but this one is his favorite. this was the closest he got to smth soulful before the times he duetted with jesse and he really enjoyed it. it was smooth yet passionate and is one he sang for the first time when dejected and unsure abt his future.

piano man by billy joel - he plays the piano for this song & kriff did it take him a while to both master it and find someone that played the harmonica well enough to join him. this is rex’s favorite song to hear echo play and will hum it quite often. echo enjoys throwing himself into playing this one in a way he doesn’t often do & he’s called “the piano arc” the first time he plays it. the nickname sticks but he likes it, so no harm done.

amie by pure prarie league - this was a fun song for echo to learn and he really enjoys how gentle it is. he’ll tap his foot with the music and just let himself go. sometimes he’ll catch himself moving his shoulders slightly as he plays but he doesn’t stop. when he plays this one, he prepares to hear his brothers hum it for at least a week afterward, it’s just that good.

house of the rising sun by the animals - this one isn’t heard until some time after he and jesse duet & echo exhibits his capacity to have a bit of gravel, which is absolutely heavenly when heard. there’s a lot of held-out notes here and a special kind of twang he’s able to finesse, it’s stunning.

skinny love by bon iver - he learned to play guitar to this song right here, it’s one of his faves and loves how tender & raw it can be. he’s heard covers of it that added too much to it & detracted from the intensity of the emotions, so he sticks with the original. it’s an extremely vulnerable song and it’s somber, but he enjoys baring himself without the risk of being shamed for it. several people cry the first time they hear him sing this song. (this one will turn into a fic as well, time tbd)

bad moon rising by creedence clearwater revival - echo sang this one for the first time tne night before the five-oh-first got their orders, which ended up being to felucia. there are always strange occurences when this song is sung & a few ppl will do anything to keep echo from singing it bc they think it’s an omen. everyone enjoys hearing the song, no doubt, but the moment it ends, some battalion or another is doomed to a bad assignment.

now if these two were to ever team up???? no one would be able to talk about anything else for weeks afterwards

you don’t mess around with jim by jim croce - they’re sitting on barstools in front of their mics, echo strumming on his guitar while jesse pats his thigh as a substitution to the drums. v playful vibes with this song and they can’t stop grinning as they sing. it’s fun and they’ll sometimes lightly tap each other with their feet throughout the performance to tease. lighthearted and always enjoyed.

all this and heaven too by florence + the machine - it’s got enough power for jesse but is also delicate enough for echo, achieving a great balance of their strengths as well as a tambourine. you’d probably think that jesse and a tambourine can cause as much trouble as hardcase with explosives, but he’s insanely focused on getting the hits right. no one expects to hear echo belt out such strong notes in contrast to his normal choices but damn they love it. and jesse?? softly breathing the verses with a delicateness no one thought he possessed?? they’re weak for them both.

soul shop by prophets and outlaws - they harmonize SO!!! DAMN!!! GOOD!!! echo playing the piano and jesse sitting on top of it just straight up VIBING. the entire bar is swaying with the music and letting themselves melt into the floor. none of them were prepared for echo to harness a little bit of gravel in his voice or for jesse to capture the melodic tone that echo doesn’t have to put effort into. this song, having a lot of soul and grit to it but is smoother than corellian whiskey, is a performance for the record books.

if y’all wanna hear more about these two darlings singing, or if you have any other headcanons you want to share/ask me abt, please don’t hesitate to pop into my asks!! i would love to hear from you!!

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#32)

5x09 ahhh my heart is singing for Chicago!Matt already

recap/flailing under the cut:

Ah it makes sense that East Dillon fell apart and ruined their undefeated record after the way that last episode went!

“Really??” As Jess and the maintenance workers are still cleaning up they turn off the lights??? No respect!

Ahhh they’re showing Luke and Vince arguing in the locker room interspersed with the actual game? This show is magic.

Eric found them arguing and kicked them out the field house lol

“That wasn’t a team out there, folks, it was a bunch of individuals trying...” fitting last radio sound byte before Eric throws the radio in the trash lol

OMG MATTS CHICAGO APT IS SO CUTE AND ADULT AND GROWN UP. He’s folding a blanket??? Fuck me up

She stayed all weekend and doesn’t want to leave?! Ok ok I see y’all but that does seem a little irresponsible, Julie.

Is Matt wearing a live strong bracelet? Lol sign of the times

“Look, we all know the problem: it’s Vince, he’s lost his team.” Ooooh good line to go into the theme song on!

“I suck at Texas history.” IS THAT AN ACTUAL CLASS IN TEXAS???? STOP IT. Stop it right now!!! This cannot be real!

“Baby boy is graduating, it’s the last time they’ll see me in the little lions uniform.” LOL Becky and Luke are cute

Ew it sucks that Luke can’t invite Becky out after this last home game with his parents but also who would want to go to dinner with his trash mom sooo I’m conflicted.

Eric wants Luke on QB today?! well then

Oh god Mindy feels like she’s gonna puke?? Oh no is she pregnant again??

“I could take your shift.” Oh Beckyyyy and Mindy is like, no no no lol

I cringe every time Vince’s dad talks to him about football. His mom seems to be cringing too in the corner...

Becky looks really cute waiting tables but yeeeesh she’s a teenage girl and a fully grown man is putting a dollar in her undies. Yikes! Although once she counted that $$$ she was like I AM WOMAN I AM POWER lol

Eric and Tami’s little walk and talks in school are so precious

Awww Becky used her tip money to get Luke a gift to wear to his dinner? “You know I get it because she kinda freaks me out too but you didn’t do anything about it.” Yeah that about sums it up.

Wtf Vince is turning on Jess now too?? She’s appropriately angry! “Yeah cause it’s never Vince’s fault huh? I can’t believe you! You’re really trying to blame me for coach being mad at you?” Ooooh she said it.

OH SHIT did Jess just dump Vince’s ass?

Aw Epyck being good with Gracie is so cute.

Julie and Matt look hot and very natural walking down the street together in Chicago. Aw and she feels like she fits here but didn’t at college. Be a city gal, join us!!! Lol

“It’s frustrating bc I miss you and I miss us, and tonight watching you with all these people it’s like you’ve moved on and it’s sucks.” Awww Julie and then Matt immediately kissed her to shut her up! “I’ve been waiting to do that ever since you showed up.” This is SUCH a romantic ass city kiss!

Honestly out of all the characters Matt and Julie are the ones I can see being city folks the most so that tracks for me.

Jess helping Luke with the plays instead of Vince, she’s such a good one.

Omg Matt and Julie are so cute in bed together, Matt again saying he missed her as he plays with her hair. 🥺

She’s gonna tell him about the TA thing right? Yep okay good honesty is important.

Awww Matt being so supportive and nonjudgmental! My heart! He’s such a good guy I’m dead 😭

“I hope this won’t freak you out, but I think you and I need to, um...we need to go get breakfast.” LOL I LOVE HIM HES SO CUTE god

Oh shit Eric’s benching Vince for not helping Luke! Man of his word, he does not play!

“The big deal is I’m an adult and you’re not.” Yeah Becky, Mindy’s argument seems pretty sound considering we’re talking about you, a teenage girl, working at a strip club. Just...wait till you’re an adult, gurl! You’re almost there!

Oh god Mindy’s irritable, is she preggers???

Anddd she does not seem happy about it....

Yeeesh Tami just slammed her head trying to break up this fight between Epyck and Laurel? Fuck

Yay I was right about Vince’s mom. “I think you maybe don’t have to take his advice all the time. You have a good head on your shoulders, use it, okay!” YES MAMA TELL HIM!!!

Omfg they’re gonna arrest Epyck for this even tho Tami is saying not to bc it was an accident??? Y’all really hate students of color with trauma, damn...the fact that Laurel thought it was okay to call Epyck a psycho in front of a lot of people too? School to prison pipeline in action, folks.

Aw Eric found Jess crying alone in the locker room 🥺 poor baby

We stan Eric. He told Jess not to apologize for crying and to “take all the time you need.” AWWWW

“I don’t wanna be your safety net.” Matt is right—Julie’s clearly avoiding stuff! “I wish you could stay longer, I wish you lived here but you...don’t live here.” He’s right! Gurl! Ugh being 18/19 is so hard!

Omg Billy’s excitement about Mindy being pregnant again is insane. He said “who cares?” about Mindy having to quit her job and she seems much more concerned than he does about the very real health care concerns.

“My boys can swim,” Billy says, putting THE PEE STICK IN HIS MOUTH?? I’m dead, Mindy just saying “I peed on that” and him removing it. WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS BILLYYY

Ugh poor Epyck :( this system has failed her! And poor Tami tried so hard.

Ah, Eric is getting turned onto the idea of not coaching teens but adults instead—fair!

Omg Luke stopped by Eric’s after 10 to say he’s too scared to be quarterback?? Oh babe.

Awww Senior Day is here. Look at Luke’s trash mom!

“How much time do you need? You’re not milking a cow out there!!” Lol

Yeeeesh now everyone’s chanting “we want Vince.” Ugh imagine being Luke rn

Why is Vince’s dad literally mad? Luke is doing well lol

Yesss lions win!! You did it baby! They’re going to the playoffs!

Oh geez and now Vince has to stop his dad from storming the field and cursing Eric Taylor out! Jesus.

Aww Luke getting his little victory kiss from Becky and bringing her along. His mom is such an asshole, she’s literally gawking at Becky. Bless the dad for being like “why not?”

“He kissed her. Did you see that he kissed her?” Ew Luke’s mom how do you think she got pregnant the last time...?

Aww and off Julie goes, hopefully this time to stop avoiding her problems in that lil blue car? FUCK ME UPPP matt pulling a classic move yelling and running after her, “Julie!!!!!”

“It’s all gonna be okay, all right? We’ll figure it out.” As they’re in the street?? With the I love yous and a truck honking?? Are you kidding me? How romantic...and then she has to get back in the car and drive away oh my HEART the romantic angst!

The episode ending in Matt watching her car drive away from him!!!! Art!

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: what's the name of that boy we were partnered with first day Janis: the one when we won? Grace: Craig Grace: why? Janis: that's it Janis: what's his deal, how do you know him? Grace: I literally don't Janis: you don't fuck with him? Grace: idk he's like really shy or whatever Grace: that was the first time I'd ever talked to him & vice versa so Janis: okay, well Mia banged him last night Janis: we saw her going in his room Grace: EW Grace: poor Craig Janis: yeah Janis: where is he Janis: she eat him afterwards, like 🕷 Grace: 🐍 like Grace: ugh he was cute Grace: RIP 🙏 Janis: anyway, thought I'd say 'cos obviously did it to 💔 you so naturally act the opposite to piss her off Janis: we got 📸s Grace: 🙄 duh I am the opposite, he hit me up & I said no thanks, I have the 🗨 Janis: ha Janis: send me that Grace: [does] Janis: 👍 Janis: always handy to have Grace: yeah Janis: not ready yet but can preview it when I'm done Grace: not sure I wanna 👀🍿 her snatching that sweet boy's virginity but thanks Janis: she weren't that careless Janis: thankfully Janis: you'll 👀 Grace: 👌👌 Janis: How's Els? Grace: UM why? What did you do? Janis: Nothing Janis: she fell on her arse, did she not Grace: Oh that Grace: it was no worse than when Asia dropped your bf Grace: how's your ankle? Janis: If I didn't know how thick she was, assume Mia put her up to it Janis: it's annoying Janis: need it to be better for when we get back Grace: literally so many 🐕🐩 to walk, what would you even do? Janis: exactly, can make loads in holidays, those 7 hours free really add up Grace: I'd offer to help but so can I 👶🍼 Janis: I'll survive Janis: take one of Billie's old chairs if necessary, get them to pull me along Grace: 😂😂 Grace: ask Mia what shifts barista boy is down for, maybe he can help Janis: in theory worth it Janis: but she'd probably be weirdly smug about her knowing instead of me Grace: true, just ask him Grace: 🤞💜 Janis: ain't sharing my pay Grace: he'd totally do it for free cos he's SO 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah yeah Janis: that'd fade well fast when faced with 6am and dog shit Grace: Hello?! He gets up earlier than that to serve ☕ and clean bathrooms Janis: we've all got very glamorous lives Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: HIGHKEY should tell Craig to get tested but like I don't want him to think I'm 💔 Grace: ugh Janis: slip a 📝 under his door Janis: - a concerned citizen Grace: so retro Grace: love it Grace: idk if I even have any paper?? Janis: we have to do some exit survey bullshit don't we Grace: do we? Grace: EW Janis: mhmm, already planning my constructive criticism, obvs Grace: @ Mr Lucas what are you even doing here?! SO GROSS Janis: pretty sure he's following me Janis: fair, did cut the two spare ties he brought (??) in half Grace: OMG! you've literally saved someone's life tbh Grace: he's that creepy Janis: reckons we've got full term detention when we get back Janis: so sorry I foiled your plan, definitely wanna spend more alone time with you, sounds good Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: so sorry you're short & gross & single & mad about it, hun Janis: if mum actually makes me go, it'll be my 🩸 on his 🧤 and her 🤲 Grace: she won't even Grace: not for that long Janis: 🤞 Janis: if all he cares about are the holes in all his 🩲 and not finding out what else I did, then she won't be as pissed off as she could be Grace: what else did you do?? Grace: also EW for that visual, babes Janis: 🤫 Janis: you didn't have to touch 'em Grace: you've literally made it even easier for him to touch himself, excuse you Janis: 😂😂 Janis: 📸 that for the online burn book Grace: can he get enough hate to retire please?! so over what a freak he is Janis: ain't we all Grace: maybe he won't be able to take us for any more activities thanks to the wardrobe malfunctions you caused 🤞🤞 Grace: 🙏 Janis: could be his day CANCELLED 👌🍆💦🥴 Grace: STOP Grace: I don't wanna see 🍆💦 applied to him EVER Janis: it'll stop him being so 🤬🤬 on the bus Grace: the breakfasts here are literally gross enough the 1st time around, can you not make it come back up!! Janis: yeah, pretty rough Janis: that'll be why the gals have been skipping, yeah 😏 Grace: 🙄 Grace: Don't even, she wants me to Grace: I don't have the energy to fight with her about it even after eating, sorry not sorry, babes Janis: no wonder she's taken to spreading STIs Janis: wanna take out as many people as she can, that one Grace: idk what goes through her head, 1st barista boy, now Craig Grace: thank god if I was actually 😍 she'd clearly have no idea Janis: he's not the worst looking Grace: barista boy? DUH Grace: we all see your 😍😍😍 hun Janis: I meant Craig and you know it Grace: like I said, he was cute Janis: shame he's now 50% likely to have the clap Grace: I'll write him that note, it's been forever since I did a good deed Grace: 🙏😇 Janis: nan be 💃 Grace: maybe now she'll love me 🤞🖤 Janis: she loves no one but dad and the LORD Janis: allegedly on that last one Grace: as far as she's concerned they were basically the same person so Janis: where was his dad, tbh Janis: maybe he was 1/3 Janis: 2/3 now Janis: 👶🏾👻 Grace: 🤷 Janis: she'll ask the lady at church who can talk to spirits, that's what she was on about to mum last I heard Janis: gonna stay in touch now he's dead, clearly Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I won't be taking Craig to 🙏 his STI away then Janis: cute date idea Grace: IKR?! Grace: so tragic that we'll both have to miss out Janis: 💔 be a trip to the clinic with Mia instead Grace: more like a solo trip Grace: she's already forgotten that boy Janis: poor, poor David Janis: what fond memories is he gonna have looking back Grace: 🐍🐁 Grace: but that's a v relatable mood, this trip has been the WORST Janis: has it? Grace: not for you, obvs Janis: just remembering that one where you pissed yourself and then cried the whole time Janis: it's at least one up on that Grace: EXCUSE YOU Grace: literally don't bring up that you've ever known me, thanks so much Janis: there's no selling that storyline, sadly Grace: there so is Janis: the name's a dead giveaway Grace: & it still wouldn't be the wildest rumour ever spread Janis: reality is boring in comparison to what they can cook up Grace: duh Janis: go ahead and have a go then Grace: 🤷🤷 there's enough rumours about you & your bf rn Grace: it'd get swallowed faster than poor Craig 💔 Janis: what's the best one you heard then Grace: they're literally all so cringe Janis: go on Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: no thanks Janis: 🎈🎉💩 Grace: it's bad enough I have to 👀 you IRL I'm not trying to gossip in 🗨 too Grace: try Mia or El Grace: they can't get over your 💖 life Janis: 'course they can't Janis: 💔💔 real devastated Grace: mhmm Janis: Ella should be buzzing Janis: but seeing Mia �� makes her 😭 Grace: she's too 💔 her fake injury didn't work & yours is real Janis: she can have it Janis: fucking stupid Janis: if this trip weren't a waste of time before Grace: you should totally forget about doing whatever if you wanna get better for hols Janis: doing what? Janis: it's not like we've done anything that taxing Grace: sure but anyway Janis: I can't spend any more time doing nothing Grace: like you said, we already are Janis: you know what I mean Grace: yeah Janis: maybe we'll go do something else Janis: idk Grace: you've got like the perfect excuse not to be under Mr Lucas' 👀 so Janis: I do, might make him join in though Janis: 'cos he hates us Janis: and then I just get bored Grace: OMG stop giving me gross visuals Janis: ?? Grace: anything involving him is like traumatising Grace: he needs to stay on the side lines, thank you Janis: bit harsh Janis: he's northern, not a monster Grace: 😂 but not even Janis: 😏 Grace: whatever Grace: it'll be over soon Janis: the trip? Janis: well observed Grace: duh not gonna kms over breakfast Janis: thought you meant my 💘 Grace: Mia wishes Grace: everyone else will obvs be 💔 Janis: give 'em a good thing Grace: they have so many #s and there'll be more when you dump him Grace: it'll keep everyone busy no matter how many boys she 🐍 and obvs me the freedom to 😢 and wet myself on this trip too so Grace: love that Grace: thanks, babes Grace: 🙌💜🙌 Janis: sounds like a wild time Janis: you are welcome Grace: sure Janis: enjoy your watersports, like Grace: 👌👌

[gemstone-gynoid]

Team Fortress 2 has some of the best, most iconic shorts in video game history. I mean sure, in Halo you got good graphics, and in Overmunch you have two women in skin tight clothing fighting each other.. Not like I haven’t seen that before on the internet like a hundred times... (Pretty sure I have that book marked actually..) Meanwhile, in Team Fortress 2 animated shorts.. You got people pissin’ in jars, people’s heads getting blown off, looking into gaping holes in people’s bodies to see hell itself, and you see birds.. The last 50 years, the movies have starred the nine playable classes of Team Fortress 2, and Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite wearing glasses. The first film starts off with the main character: Pootis. Basically sitting down and telling us we’re in for a BuMpY RiDE and also if anyone touches his gun, they’ll be fined 35$ and he’ll come over to your house and punch your lights out if you know what I’m sayin’. This short reveals that Pooter is more than just a disproportionate russian guy, he’s actually an intellectual that can do advanced trigonometry as well as high level mathematical calculations that he often uses to contemplate the human race’s existence… BUT FUCK THAT he’s gonna shoot everyone with his big ol’ machine gun! Next up we meet Private Ryan, a loud guy with a bazooka who hires Michael J. Fox to follow him around on the battlefield to film him shootin’ people, which is historically known as the most gruesome war ever fought on TF2 soil. This guy’s crazy, he thinks his grenades are little dolls and makes up stories of them walkin’ around and.. Oh. Oh. Oh this game is rated M for mature guys don’t look at this. The movie ends with Ryan remembering this one epic time that he got a random crit and then taunted afterwards, and an unforeseen twist that no one saw coming; it turns out that who he was talking to the entire movie… Was all a bunch of severed heads. O MY GOD, I give Shaving Private Ryan; 5 bags of popcorn. Just an amazing film. In the sequel we’re introduced to my personal favorite character: Hardhat Jones. Ya know I love this guy because he plays guitar, and I LOVE GUITAR. Some of my favorite musics, have guitars in em’. Um he spent the entire video taking song requests from audience. “Play Stairway to Heaven!” “NO!” “REVER! REVER! REVER!” “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”. Little does the crowd know that Hardhat Jones doesn’t take requests, and he only plays songs from the greatest band of all time; Coheed and Cambria. Coheed and Cambria starts playing Next up we meet Pirate, he’s just an old salty dog. Always walkin’ around like “Why’s the rum gone?” and basically just lookin’ for that booty, “Arg! Ya know why they call me Pirate? ‘Cause I’ll make ye walk the plank!”. All of a sudden he sees his friends walk around the corner and he’s like “Oh no! I told Stacy I couldn’t go to the mall because I had to study for geometry!” So he books it out of there to avoid that late awkward moment but it’s too late. Stacy and the gang catches up to him and are all like “I thought you said you couldn’t go to the mall??” “MALL THIS FUCKERS!” and they ALL DIE because Pirate will literally kill people to get out of an awkward conversation. Next movie there’s this guy called Boston, who goes on an undercover secret mission to the enemy castle. Somehow dodging bullets from a sentry gun (despite them supposed to have perfect aim and tracking..) and then he wrestles Pootis for a baloney sandwich. Umm what happens next is a.. Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen The Adventures of Boston the Rise of the Quick Fast Boy Wonder!” I highly suggest you turn the video off now, so okay you have been warned. So in the end of the movie he gets the baloney sandwich. some Brookyln song? The short that came right after that one is about everyone’s favorite sitcom dad: William Cheese! Who drives around spyin’ on people undressing through their open windows like a big ol’ perv. When asked why he only looks at men undressing he’s like “I’m not gay I swear! I can just appreciate the male physique!” But nobody buys it and he calls his dad and he’s like “DAd! Everyone thinks I’m gay! What to I dO!?” and his dad is all like “Son, you ARE gay.” YMCA starts playing The next short is the very first sponsored TF2 short, this one is funded by McDonalds to star everyone’s favorite meal stealer: The Hamburglar! In this movie, The Hamburglar tells an epic tale about the time he went to go find the Secret Cheeseburger of Lost Legend in which he fights Billy Cheese who is actually the holder of the Cheese Key. That’ll get him to the Cheddar Dungeon, with the dungeon master none other than Hardhat Jones! And The Hamburglar is all like “I’d like to make a request, DIE!” and then he fights the final boss the evil Dr. Crentist! Who is the master of karate, but then the hand man does a karate chop that steals the doctors face! And kills him in one hit, and steals the special glasses that’ll let him see the map to the Secret Cheeseburger of Lost Legend. When Hamburglar gets to the good part, Private Ryan is all like “This story SUCKS!” and he blows his FUCKIN’ HEAD OFF. “Well, I guess he should have ordered the Happy Meal.” Movie credits After that film received world wide critical acclaim, audiences demanded a spin off featuring evil Dr. Crentis. So next up we got Dr. Crentist: Origins, the doctor tricks Pootis into getting on his massage table and does EVIL experiments on him while the big dummy just watches him and doesn’t even care because all he can think about doing is shooting his big ol’ machine gun. “Ah I’ll just plug this night light into your heart so you’ll have a brighter heart okay?” “DUH okay DUH” “Uhh I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “SHUT UP PIGEON! HAHAHAHA! LET’s GO GET A CHEESEBURGER!” Yeah turns out this one was also sponsored by McDonalds, so Dr. Crentis and Pooter-9000 with his new robo heart and go outside to get their ass to Mickey Ds because they got hella munchies! “DR CRENTIS! SUPERSIZE ME DOOD!” “I GOTCHU FAM!” Making Medicine cover starts playing *“I’M GONNA GET A CHEESEBURGER!” *and that’ll be 5.99 at the second window The next movie is all about the backstory of one of TF2’s most beloved characters: The Gas Man. “I used to remember when the Gas Man was cool, he used to give me candy.” “One time, The Gas Man said my mask looked really nice, I almost cried because it was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” “Uh, I’m scared of The Gas Man because he used to be nice, but now he’s meeaan.” In reality The Gas Man is a really cool guy, he just runs around blowing bubbles at people’s faces and locking them up in airtight presents. Gas Man turns out to be one of the most misunderstood characters in the whole franchise because people give him shit all the time because he thinks Pinky Pie is the best pony. WHAT ARE YOU STUPID?! AppleJack is obviously the best pony. After we got all the origin stories out the way we get our very first TV movie called: Christmas with the Yanks where Pootis gets to experience his first winter wonderland. sniff sniff “What’s that smell? It smells like… A SNOWBALL FIGHT!” Pootis then recruits his best friend Boston for his snowball team because everyone in school knows that Boston can throw a snowball better than anyone else in the Fourth Grade. Then they walk really really slowly to Private Ryan and Pirate house to totally beat them with a snowball surprise. Uh oh! But guess what? The prank is actually not real and you guys are invited to our snowball team! “Oh my god you got us real good.” So they keep walking around as slowly as humanly possible recruiting other members along the way so they can have the most epic snowball fight team on the block. Finally they see a big ol’ tank full of the neighboring school’s snowball team. “Come on out ya cowards. Show us what ye got ya big dorks!” EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHH COUHHHH Mann vs Machine starts playing * “Oh hoho, now you fucked up. Now you gon be fuckin’ OWNED! WE THE MASTERS OF SNOWBALL FIGHTS BITCHES, AND WE COMIN’ FOR YOU!” *Pootis screech

[freshberries]

um thinkfast and.... all of them..... but mostly 1 3 13 & 20 because all of them is a lot

Willow you know me so well

This ones a long one boys

Who is the most affectionate?

I like to believe that once they have settled down into their relationship, that Tommy has learned better ways of coping besides running, so, for me it’s Tommy, he loves David with all his heart he really does, and tbh big fucking kin.

Most common argument?

I’m stuck between arguing over Tommy eating healthier (Listen as much as Tommys gotten better with cooking, if given the opportunity, he will binge on fast food like crazy, and David’s in the background like “Tommy please the SODIUM”) and David overworking himself (”Babe its 3AM, you can do the taxes later come back to bed”) 

Either way it comes from a place of love and concern for the other because they are both HEAD OVER HEELS IN L O V E WITH EACH OTHER AND IM SOBBING.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

First time they’ve held hands period its David, but in general? I’d say its an equal amount once the relationship settles down

With David, sometimes he notices Tommy’s stressed and needs grounding or he himself needs an anchor. He probably used to have a stress ball but finds this works better and also makes him like, ten times happier

Tommy doesn’t do it when they first start dating, being afraid of showing affection and all, but like one day Tommy is just like “fuck it” and grabs onto his hand and David turns to him with the BIGGEST HEART EYES cause he LOVES HIM and Tommy starts doing it more often from there, and David never stops with the heart eyes cause hes literally gone for Tommy and would go to the moon and back for him, you know how it is.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

I’m not counting Mary and Frank Shepard cause fuck those losers

Christopher and Dorothy Alleyne love Tommy cause like Tommy is one of the few people that can get David to stop working himself to an early grave (other include America, Nori, and Kim), but yeah they love Tommy a lot.

Christopher seems a lot like a football playing dad from what I remember of him so I imagine one day while David and Tommy decided to visit the family Christopher just turns to Tommy and goes “Wanna go outside and play some catch, son” and Tommy is like surprised for a second, but like accepts because David and Dorothy are catching up and ✨ father son bonding time ✨.Tommy even tries not to use his powers (sometimes fails cause he has a lot of energy and that’s okay) and they end up having a lot of fun, they make it a thing to do whenever they visit

Tommy learns that David got his love for jazz from his mother when he catches her cleaning while humming a song playing on the radio, he starts to help her clean and ends up humming with her because it just so happens that David loves this song and he sometimes sings it while doing taxes like a loser. They end up just dancing in the living room and when David goes to check on them after he and his dad finish cooking and cleaning the kitchen, he ends up leaning against a wall watching them cause his life is SO PERFECT right now and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Kim and Tommy meet and its half chaos half calm. Kim shares the dirt she has on David and David just groans the entire time but Tommy’s just laughing cause oh my god, were you really a duck for your first Halloween? David stop putting your head in your hands you look cute please I love you.

Tommy loves kids though so even though she’s like, at very least a teenager, he loves spending time with her and she thinks Tommy’s totally a blast. That can sometimes he bad because sometimes things turn out to be flammable and that’s not good. But yeah, she loves Tommy and loves bullying David about how in love David is with Tommy but David doesn’t care because he loves his little sister and he loves Tommy and likes knowing she approves of their relationship (not that he ever though his family wouldn’t, they took the mutant thing well, I don’t think their son being bi changes much for them.)

Rebecca and Jeff Kaplan don’t care cause Tommy is literally soul twins with their son, being bi isn’t more surprising than that. Additionally, I don’t think they would care about Tommy being bi if they didn’t care about Billy being gay? Either way they are real chill about it. Rebecca offers David banana muffins whenever David and Tommy come to visit the them, idk why she just likes making muffins. Jeff Kaplan kinda isn’t real to me at times so idk what hes doing, probably reading a newpaper as Rebecca and David make polite conversation like they’re at a book club of some shit. Tommy’s probably playing with the younger kids cause, once again, he loves kids. Also he might have accidentally set something on fire again, he really doesn’t mean to do it it just happens sometimes.

Wanda is really happy Tommy and David are happy together, and she loves David, but she sometimes worry's that he doesn’t like her because of everything that happened with M-Day, so after a while they have to talk about it. The thing with that is that, David will never forget that day, forget how 40 of his friends died, how he should have died, how he lost his mutation, M-Day haunts him, and it will never completely stop haunting him. But things get better, at least a little bit. David gets his memories back, he learns how to deal with his trauma, mutant kind becomes a little less endangered, and sometimes if he wakes up in the middle of the night because of nightmares, being around Tommy helps.

M-Day will always haunt David, but things get a bit better for him. He understands why Wanda was so upset, it doesn’t change what she did, but he understands, and knows shes trying to make up for it. So David basically explains that to her and they are good and can have like, a conversation since they now both have their peace. Wanda would defiantly offer to restore David’s powers, but tbh I’m not sure whether he’d accept it or not, I’m already so off track anyways so I can talk about that at a later date.

Pietro is kinda like Kim but instead he bullies Tommy about how much he loves David, its typical family teasing though, he loves his nephew and his nephews boyfriend.

I ALMOST FORGOT MAGNETO. They are super fucking chill with it cause all mutants are gay, he’s the OG gay mutant and he’s happy his children and grandchildren are carrying on Magnetos Gay Legacy™️ and that’s that, period point blank.

Billy and David are fucking chill and I’ll demolish ANYONE who says otherwise, but Billy does give David the shovel talk. Besides the shovel talk, Billy is happy for his brother and his friend and really wishes the best for them.

Teddy and David are also fucking chill and I’ll fight anyone on this fact too. Teddy kinda gives David a high five because Teddy’s a chad and that’s the only way he knows how to express emotion. But its kinda like a “Cool! So we’re kinda like brothers now!” high five and David understands his friend is just trying to be supportive.

Kate just kinda fucking, yells, she a chaotic bi that’s just how it works. She’s basically really happy for them and since Kate and Tommy gossiped to each other about their crushes back when they thought it wasn’t reciprocated (as best friends do) and she’s like really happy things worked out for the both of them.

America smirks and looks her platonic soulmate (David) and is like “You finally asked him out? Good job” and like pats him on the back because they lived with each other in college and while he doesn’t drink often, lets just say when he does drink, David is a sappy drunk gay. Internally she’s like, very much crying because, oh my god? Davids so happy and she’s so happy her friend is happy. Shes an emotional gay she just likes to pretend shes not and that’s fucking valid.

Loki just kinda, has a realization about it. About why David literally spent two weeks tracking the young avengers down, about what David meant when he said he’s into good guys. Loki’s a chaos demon so they just kinda let out an “ohhhh” and turn to Tommy and say “I would’ve made the same choice buddy.” and like, disappear. They’re happy for their friends of course but their love of starting shit wins out.

Noh just kinda shrugs, he doesn’t care of course but he also doesn’t care enough to really react, he might say something like “good job” cause hes dumb but that’s about it

Eli would come back to visit the young avengers while David and Tommy are well into their relationship, so he’d kinda just be surprised by how calm Tommy looks and he and David would get along very well, considering they are both leaders by heart. Eli starts to visit more often after that first visit, its one of the main reasons David and Tommy always have a guest room set up now.

Cassie is kinda just like “Another brother, sweet” and rolls with it. Totally loves asking Tommy for updates on their relationship because Tommy could talk forever about how much he loves David, it makes her happy knowing her brother is happy.

There are so many of the New X-Men I can’t name like all of them but I’ll get through the ones I remember. If I don’t name one of your faves just assume they approve because all the x-men are gay anyways and everyone loved David so its not like someone would like, fight him or anything.

Josh is really chill with Tommy, and he tells Tommy about all the adventures they’ve had (Tommy lowkey freaks at the time David got his heart ripped out but hes fine now! its okay don’t worry I made him a new one!). Josh and David of course need to catch up though and Tommy sometimes just watches David as they talk because he can tell David is really happy talking to his best friend.

Nori and Tommy aren’t awkward, cause fuck that shit they’re adults now and David and Nori totally talked shit out. Instead Nori and Tommy just kinda laugh at David cause like, you totally have a thing for speedsters David, don’t even pretend.

Julian and Tommy are equally chaotic so they run around doing dumb shit while Davids talking to the new students.

Santos reaction is kinda funny cause hes like, wait, YOUR IN THE YOUNG AVENGERS NOW? AND YOUR DATING ONE OF THE YOUNG AVENGERS? And David totally wasn’t there for that conversation where Santo found out about the young avengers and now Santo really wants to meet Teddy for some reason and Tommy looks to David for an explanation but he’s just as confused.

Cess, Sooraya, and Laura are in the same boat of “I’m happy your happy” since I don’t remember them being too too close to David but I know at the very least that they were friends, and they would be happy that David got someone that could get him to relax, even just for a little bit.

Sorry this took so long Willow, I got off topic a little bit but I tried my best.

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.” The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)

[askpet-archive]

PET ep 5

Ari made the we i r de s t noise waking up. i feel bad for anyone who might've heard it as she rolled over. Only to fall on the floor with a 'thump'. She opened her eyes a bit and looked up at the seeing, seeing the clock she had installed up there. 7:30 am. She got to her feet and shook her mouse to her computer, only to see V-Tale had shut off. Seems her entire computer had restarted..woops. She got to her feet and brushed herself off slightly, looking over at the bed, hoping her best friend hadnt woken up by her fall. Era blinks, snapping out of her thoughts when hearing a quiet thump. She proceeds to quickly get out of bed after hearing the noise- What if there's a intruder in the house?? Oh no that'd be bad. She opens her door before walking over to Ari's room and proceeding to knock on it "Heyyy are you okay?" Well Ari, you.. technically woke her up? She was awake anyways, she was just going back to sleep Ari walked over to the door and opened it quietly, giving a yawn first thing "oh- uh. Yea. sorry if i woke you." she mumbled "just fell off my chair-" she paused "-again.." that was some guilt. She chuckled to laugh it off and gave a tiny smile "did you get any, or well..enough sleep?" she asked, lightly patting her friend on the head "No you didn't wake me up it's okay- I was already awake." She blinks, staring at Ari "Uhm,, I think I did? Did you?" "I have no idea when i fell asleep. I walked into my room, watched VT for awhile and woop there i went." she muttered, rubbing her eyes slightly, "so..im not sure. but i mean.. i dont feel tired? like, more tired then normal. i feel normal, i guess." "Well that's good- If you feel normal, I mean- I dunno I'm still terrible with words." She pauses, taking a step backwards "M gunna go downstairs uhm, join me if you want to." She turns around, heading downstairs quietly Ari blinked, was Era okay? Was that normal? She tried recounting the times this had happened before, not remembering any.. She darted downstairs quickly and went and sat on the couch (not ontop of Max luckily), looking outside the window. The sun was up already, darn. Era looked over to Ari "Well that was fast." She blinks, looking over to where Max was sleeping on the couch "How was the talk with the newcomer yesterday?" Era questions, before sitting down on the couch herself "Max? Or Vincent?" she turned to look at her friend, then shrugged "Vincent, im p sure you heard that whole thing. i was kinda shook when i heard gunshots though. And Max seems cool. She watches VT and apparently didnt seem to know we lived right under north carolina. which is interesting. considering we're in south carolina. And she seems really eager about this job." she paused "..Era, you werent like, jealous or anythin were you? You sure acted like it. or was that just salt?" "Oh, well I mean, it's a good thing if she's eager about the job?" Era blinks, "Just my usual salt. I'm always salty over everything." Haha,, Max shifted on the couch, opening her eyes for a second before closing them again, determined to stay asleep. She knew she wasnt gonna stay asleep though. Ari blinked, that was the most obvious lie shes ever heard. "...oh my god you fuckin dork" she snickered slightly "Era your my best friend. aint nobody replacin you. got that?" she poked her friends nose and smiled softly, "besides, i just met this person. you know how my meetings can vary. Pissed, to shy, to overly happy. You had this same reaction with Angy, and me and Ang are just friends. not the bestest friends in all the multiverse." Era sighs "Ahhh, I know- sorry just. Uhm. Weird anxiety things?? But thanks hah." Ari nodded "i understand that..now, um, i do have something not as bright to ask. When are we going up a state to go meet Billy, because like..we kinda need to know our lives. considering our weird 'come back from the dead' issue." Era pauses, looking out towards the window for a moment "Uhm.. We should.. I don't know an exact time but like, we should do it pretty soon considering we don't know how many lives we even have. So, like, around today or tomorrow I guess? It kind of depends." "...Hey lil eavesdropper! we're goin to meet the Acachallas!" she called over to Max, havin known she was awake, before lookin back at her friend "We could do it today but i don't think Vincent wants to go somewhere, Arthur will hit me, Angy will say 'nope' and take a sip of sprite. and i dont want only two of us going, thats hella dangerous. they've got nukes." "..It sounds stupid but, maaaayyybe we could bring Max along? As like.. a test mission? Are you okay with doing that Max?" Max groaned. She felt slightly excited by hearing any of this, but sleep felt like a much better option. She just slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes. "I'll do it, sure...." Ari made a snorting noise "that was a lovely noise. Alright" she clapped her hands together "What do you both want for breakfast" if anyone says Macaroni your going to have a very angry mom on your hands "I want ... wwaannntt.. cereal." "Ill eat whatever you got that isnt sausage, honestly.." Ari nodded "got it." off she goes into the kitchen Era blinks, looking over to Max "....." Klondike ears perked up "Thank you for not eating sausage" "??" "Uh, hi...." "Okay before you get confused Max, that's Klondike, a demon we have because of Spop." "Uh, okay...then..." mmm demons, woo, cause thats not gonna keep her up at night "They're friendly enough so don't worry." "I guess.." Sliiiides back into the room. she put eggs and Toast on Max's lap, and set down what looked to be juice on the side table, going over to Era and giving her some frosted flakes cereal™. She glanced at Klondike and rose an eyebrow "do you know what Spop likes to eat because i wanna get somethin ready for when she gets up." Era immediately starts eating her cereal, giving a quiet "Thanks" to Ari Max looked slightly more awake, especially with the food sitting in front of her. "Thanks dude." Piggy shrug "Spop is a strange girl. She likes worms" "...We dont..have worms but. i can make do." she grinned and ran into the kitchen, coming out with a packet of gummy worms, showing them to Klondike "will these do?" she looked back at Max and Era "no problem btw. I make breakfast for everyone alot." "You lied about not having worms" "These arent worms but okay." she went and put the gummy worms on the side table to a chair and then went back into the kitchen, coming out a few seconds later with eggs, toast, and bacon, hiding the bacon from Klondike's view. there she goes, sitting next to Era again. nom nom time "kay, wait. how are we going to explain to the group why we're disappearing. We cant just. poof. We're the leader and co-leader, and Max is a new member." she hummed "We tell them we're going to get a book on how many lives we have and put whoever we trust as leader and co-leader for the time being." "Arthur-" that was immediate, no thought there "Hes been here as long as me, and hes ore responsible then Angy...or. god forbid, Vincent." "Okay well, Arthur is the leader, Angy is kind of co-leader I guess while we leave." Up from Spop's room a frantic scream is heard "WHERE IS MY BEANIE?!!!!" "Alright then. i doubt any of em are gonna get up anytime soon and." she checked the time again, humming "its currently like 2 pm for North Carolins-" she snickered when hering the scream, bursting into uncontrollable laughter, A r i n o Klondike leapt from his place and ran upstairs to help the Spop Ari got up and ran to the closet, opening the door to take out her quiver, and taking a cat earred beanie out of it. Up the stairs she went to go into Spops room "Spop heyy, i still,, uh. had your beanie. oops. Uh. Worms are downstairs on a table if you want to eat" she smiled and lightly tossed the beanie to Spop Spop looked at Ari and caught the beanie "Thank you" ;u; beanie is hugged Ari gave a thumbs up and ran back downstairs "oooh kay. as i was saying. its now 3 pm for the north fucks. So if we wanna get up there it'd be a good idea to get outta the house asap. So.." she shrugged "we'd only be gone for like a day unless we decide to hang out there for awhile. but i doubt we will." "Well uhm. Guess we should pack then. Right now." Era stands up, walking over to where she placed her catbag near the front door, picking it up and putting on her high-heel boots "Okay I'm ready." Max just grabbed her over-stuffed laptop bag and put on her sandals. She literally never had anything more than that. Ari snickered, running upstairs, she came back down with two papers, simply having their deaths and causes written down. "welll, im ready too. Maxi?" she glanced at the other nerdo, putting one of the papers on the table and quickly writing a note for the other PET members "I'm ready, bro." Spop looked at the people about to leave. "You are gonna come back right??" Era walks over to the front door, proceeding to open it "Yep! We'll be gone for around a few hours or so. Maybe a day. Now lets goooo!" Ari nodded "kay, got it. The note just tells them where we're goin, what we're doing, and whos in charge.- Oh, Spop! i almost forgot- uh.." she paused, then blinked "Era, im not leaving my daughter alone with the maniac.s" "There's only one maniac though, shouldn't Spop be safe with Arthur and Angy?" Narrows eyes "Do you really trust Arthur and Angy with Spop?" "Nope." "Spop, you're comin along. Grab Klondike, your worms, and lets go" she muttered, out the door she goes to get the car started "Ok!" She runs off to get what she needs Era proceeds to walk outside too, heading over to the car but not going inside of it yet, waiting for Spop and Max to come out too Spop runs back out with Klondike and her gummy worms Max walked slowly out behind Spop, picking through her bag for something. Era grabs the handle of the car door, flinging it open "Well- lets get in the car, since that's a thing you need to do." She slides into the shotgun seat Max sat on the back right, closing the door and already staring out the window. Spop sat in the backseat next to Max Ari sliiides herself into the drivers seat, putting the papers in the side thing and starting the car. Woop woop roadtrip Era smiles, "Roadtrip start! Ari don't crash the car." Ari chuckled "i wooont" looks abck at Max and Spop "i dont have a drivers license." she warned, looking into the side mirror. Out of the driveway they go Spop looked out the window, fixated on the outside world

[survivorpacificislandallstars]

Ep. 12 - “Fly my ass back to Hawaii and dump me in a volcano” - Andrew (Pt. 1)

So I guess All Stars is just gonna be me watching the people I know and love go home one after the other at this point. At this point, I shouldn't be shocked or mad. Rhea, Karen, even Brandon to an extent. Who's next is my only question. Shockingly, to not my surprise, Jordan and Ash couldn't be trusted!!!! Who could have foreseen this? Well, I could, and I did. Anyone with common sense and a brain could have, but I guess that's too much to ask. Like with Ash, I had zero expectations. Jordan... I mean, there was at least a low bar, a very low bar. Because as far as I can recall, I've been completely honest with Jordan each tribal I've been with him... And yet each time he goes against his own word, then we make up afterward, and it's just... I don't even know. I'm totally numb to betrayal by now. Also Gage's vote is hilarious. "I don't take kindly to lies" wow bitch me too the fuck???? Kinda why I voted for him cause like, at every tribal all my interactions with him have been lies built upon lies, sometimes mutually and sometimes from him. But there's no actual trust and we've just been pretending every round, so I'm glad we've finally dropped it and we can acknowledge the tension. Jordan said I'm not on the bottom of the tribe...which sounds fake but, okay. Maybe I can work with him, maybe I can't, but really I'm just praying for once that we swap one last time to save my ass. 

I am so so so so shook right now.

Conf #18: wow! final 14! Im doing so much better than the other two games that i wont talk about. Im concerned about this immunity challenge because usually when it comes to touchy subjects I feel like I know how the game is going, but with all the swaps I feel like I know nothing about what people are thinking it concerns me. *Coco Peru voice* that bothers me. As far as the double tribal? *Yawn* but also im ready to die again, hopefully I can get people to go after mitch!!!

Honestly this tribe swap has me wet. I'm on a tribe with a bunch of icons like daddy Andrew or Sam B or fake Sam, even Steffen to an extent. More importantly I am away from that horrible nest of snakes from my previous tribe. The bad thing is Samantha wants to go after Jay, because Jay tried coming for Sam at some point, which is horrible. And if I had to choose right now I'd vote out Jay over Sam just because Sam unlike some people hasn't blindsided me!!! But no I'm not bitter or anything, why would I be bitter? I mean I shouldn't be because it's not like I considered those people trustworthy or anything!!! Anyway. Mitch is obviously siding with Jay, which leaves three people in the middle. Sam and I both want Andrew because he's trustworthy (and Sam also wants him because he's hot and I have no issues with that). I trusted Andrew the most at the very beginning of the game, and we've both been through a lot but hopefully that connection is still there. That leaves Steffen and fake Sam as the swing votes...... Idk how much I trust either of them. Steffen did side with me at the Chrissa tribal, Sam sided with the snakes at Brandon's tribal tho.... So yikes!!!! We'll figure that out tomorrow!!! 

OKAY. So this new Kyaal tribe? EW. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND I MISS THEM OKAY? NOT REALLY THO. I'm so chaotic in here wtf. Anyway, SO I'm back with Jordan Pines, which is litty titty. I feel like I actually can trust him because he gives me A LOT of tea like all the time. Whether or not it's all factual is another story, but at this point I'll take what I can get. I'm also still with DADvid. He's my Dad, check my birth certificate. He is such a good person and I'm so happy we've gotten so close through this game because we have had a lot of time to get to know one another in various communities and never have. So David told me he is pretty sure of a Drew/Jay/Mitch thing thang going on and I believe it! Drew just had a moment in the HOS15 VL when Jay was evicted so that's confirmed. ADDITIONALLY, Jordan just told me that Mitch found an idol (which isn't surprising) some ruby idol bullshit that makes everyone go to rocks??? Apparently Drew has it right now and knowing my luck I'll be rocked out of this damn game. But hey, I keep saying this but I'm so proud of myself for making it this far, so if I go, I go! (I'LL BE FUCKING PISSED AND PROBABLY NEVER PLAY ONE OF THES AGAIN IF I FUCKING GO HOME, I AM FUCKING SANDRA DIAZ-TWINE AND I WILL BE THE QUEEN THAT WEARS THE CROWN TWICE.)

So who the fuck does Jay think he is exiling me?! Why me?! Clearly he has some plan to get rid of me because we're not working together so he isn't exiling me to get the clue or anything so obviously he wants me gone. If for some reason he DOESN'T want me gone he's crazy because now I'm just pissed off. I don't get to just waltz back into the tribe with immunity like Drew does. I'm gunna have to scramble and make sure it's not me and this is gunna be so annoying. Plus he just messaged me "I'm exiling you I hope that's ok" LIKE NO ITS NOT FUCKING OKAY YOU DIMWIT FUCK WHY THE FUCK DID HE CHOOSE ME??? Also I just looked at the touchy subjects results and I got who has the most F2 deals? Technically I have none because I haven't actually talked to anyone about going to the end together AND I really only talk to Steffen, Drew, and Jordan so like fuck I'm so mad because it looks so bad on me. I'm just really overall pissed off right now and I can't believe I can't even rant to anyone! I feel like Drew and Jay are tight. I started going off not even thinking of it as a game thing but more like I'm frustrated and want to rant to a friend about it but then I remembered back on the first tribe when Jay, Drew, and Mitch were all so far up each other's ass it was disgusting so like I can't even talk to Drew about it because he'll go run and tell Jay and be all fucking annoying. I just want Mitch and Jay gone so bad. Steffen better be able to pull some people in and make sure it's Mitch and not me. If I go home because Steffen can't strategize to save me I'm gunna suffocate him when he comes to visit

I'm back and alive A lot of things have happened, and apparently confessionals aren't mandatory, so I haven't been writing things! That's great. So the last time I wrote a confessional was the round before Billy right? Ok So I sort of kind of may have manipulated the vote against Billy. I heard from Van that her and Billy were trying to flip the vote onto Charlotte, so I told Charlotte that Billy might have been trying to target her, and she easily flipped to Van and I. Jay didn't want to vote Billy, so it was 3-2. I'm glad I got him out of the game at least. I love Billy as a person, as a player, whew. He reamed me afterwards, and every bad thing he said about me was truly well-deserved. So then we swap, fun shit. Expected. We played Kanto! I got gay pokemon, but no idol or whatever. I have a team of cuties, so that's all that matters to me.<3 I couldn't play the grass game, so we kinda had to go to tribal. David was the target, but he whipped out an idol and his one vote for Punpun sent them home, which is disappointing. But fuck, good job David. Props to you, I ain't even mad. Apparently Van was voted out of the other tribe which SUCKS because I had to vote out Billy to protect her and then she just went home anyway??? Uggggh My friends keep leaving. We stayed in Kanto for a week and I got to play Pokemon LeafGreen. I caught 111 pokemon and earned myself a trip to exile, which was mostly pointless, and our tribe got immunity. I wasn't even playing to win, I just really love FR/LG. But of course I'm secretly digging my own grave, because who wants to keep a tryhard around at/before merge??? No one. I gave my idol to Drew because he said he might've been in trouble. It was insurance in case things turned sour. BUT APPARENTLY AT THEIR TRIBAL IT WAS UNANIMOUS VOTE FOR CHARLOTTE. I love Charlotte... She was my #1 man. I wanted to help her get far. And then Drew told me she might've been a catfish. So... Maybe that was for the best, idk. COME TO THINK OF IT, a first boot being considered an all star is VERY suspicious... I want my idol back tho. Also Karen went home at the other tribal!!! Bless up. Jay told me she had a sapphire idol so that is... good that she's gone.  ALSO Dan has the Whetu idol and I'm surprised but also not. So here we are on new tribes, and what better way to put a fire under my ass than to play touchy subjects??? Do I have good luck with this game? No. Do I usually get nice answers? Yes. Did I get them this time? Not...really. People think I have an idol and they want to vote me out next. Which is unfortunate, because now I honestly don't have an idol. And I'm going to be traveling tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I can't even really talk to people and defend myself!!!!!!!! Fortunately I at least have Jay and Andrew on this tribe. Sam G and Kevin would likely vote with me too. I don't want to vote Steffen because I just told him I wouldn't and meant it. So that leaves Sam B, who just won Panem and should go... We'll see how the chips fall. Maybe I'll get my idol back, maybe Samg and Kevin like me enough to keep me around, and maybe I'll live another day. If not, oh well, I made jury.

When you accidentally send a confessional....to the wrong game....hosted by Jay....and it's talking about Jay...and it reveals your allies........ I'm actually gonna hate myself if this fucks my game up why do I do these things

"Not to nitpick at the Touchy Subject results but the fuck! Firstable Ash and Gage put me down as backstabber like besides last vote which was just me returning the backstabbing to Gage, when have I done that... Second of balls, people forgetting I'm in the game? Well, not shocking, I'm naturally irrelevant. Still won't stop me from being salty but. So um if Jay goes after Sam B he's officially cancelled, because I would literally die for her every day of my life I had to. And the fact that he's immune....sigh. I don't know if he trusts me but!!! If he doesn't he can catch these gay 12 year old hands. Sam B and I want to go after fake Sam now because she has too many allies (she wanted to go after Mitch but uh, I think not). Idk what Jay thinks about fake Sam but he did send her to Exile so there's that. Hopefully Andrew and Steffen will come through???? Because if I have to watch Sam B die I might as well drop dead to the floor right now because there would be no point in living after that"

Andrew wants to form an alliance of me him Jay and Mitch. Like, I love those people, but you know who that excludes? Sam!!!!! You know who I would never vote out in a heartbeat? Also Sam!!!! Voting out Sam would be like Ciera voting out her mom except actually important and heartbreaking (but it would still be a hashtag game changing big move). So I kinda bs'd to Andrew saying I don't trust Jay because he voted out Karen (also my mom) which is half the truth. The good news is Andrew said we should choose between Steffen and fake Sam. While Steffen has backstabbed me once, we're supposedly friends now cause he was like "miss you!!!" when we swapped but like Gage did the same thing and look where that got me. But I don't wanna break that bond just yet. Sooooo I'm still gunning for fake Sam but Mitch was like "I like her" which just proves real Sam's about connections and yadda yadda. Really I just want to get to the point where I can stop distinguishing the Sam's and my life gets easier. 

I’m me and sara planning to search the well together

So the vote should in theory be Ash tonight. I'm perfectly fine with Ash going home but I'm not perfectly fine with lying to Gage about it, but at this point unless Ash/Gage have an idol I don't foresee things changing. Thankfully Gage seems to like me so that is a plus. If there's an idol played it most likely will not be me going home. I don't love that it will be David going home though. Jordan Pines is a dear friend of mine, but he's just in general very aggressive. He has strong social ties to people and seems to utilize them when he needs things. He put together the 5 votes against Ash and it seems like a done deal. But I'm at a cross roads. Do I try to turn David and work with Gage and Ash to vote Jordan out? Idk. My concern is that endgame, people like Mitch/Drew/Jay/Jordan will be an unstoppable force in this game and idk if I'm ready for that. I'll probably touch base with David before my vote is submitted and if he thinks the plan is good, it's happening. If not, I'll just have to lie to Gage and possibly lose my newest ally's trust... :/ 

I. Hate. Survivor. Here I am, dealing with important stuff, cleaning literal dog shit, and then here in the game shit hits the fan. Sam B wanted Sam G out. Jay wanted Steffen out. Sam B was fine with this. I tell Jay this. I also tell Jay Sam B wants Sam G out, but we can roll with Steffen. Jay says cool. But somewhere after some shitty sequence of events, Jay goes apeshit and throws out like, everyone's names and wants to vote out Sam B???? And doesn't tell me of course, even though he wanted to make sure "we're cool." So I guess keeping me in the dark, again, is a good way to gain trust. And then an even shittier thing happens. Sam B, fake Sam, and Steffen unite to vote out Mitch. I think voting out Mitch is the most effective way to weaken Jay, and Jay does need to be weakened. But voting out Mitch...and sending him to the jury...is difficult. I would rather send Mitch to jury over Sam. Sam said Jay directed votes back to Steffen... But I can't trust him, and I don't want to sit still and do nothing about that. He's fooled me once and I don't want to be fooled again, I'm tired of that happening. Voting out friends is hard, but I think tonight there's no easy way out.