#cause they dont know what to do with the figures once They are unable to cancel Their order for the buyer

[fujouppy]

no more buying anime figures (EXPENSIVE PIECES OF PLASTIC...) until the end of the year. MAYBE if the cool figuarts makima that i bookmarked is still in stock around christmas ill get her but thats the only exception ill allow myself to make

[enigmaris]

Reading a lot of DPxDC fics lately, heres my take on the Danny is Damian's twin AU:

Danny was injured to near death and left for dead by the League as a young boy. Ra's only wanted one heir and Danny was less bloodthirsty than Damian, so it was decided that Danny had to go.

Danny is found and taken to a hospital in Illinois, barely alive. He is saved and wakes up with basically no memories of where he was from and speaking a rare dialect of arabic that none of the cops investigating his case can identify. What words Danny does know in english are concerning so the cops figure Danny was being held by some sort of murder, death cult.

The investigation runs cold and Danny is sent to foster care once his injuries heal. He is then adopted by the fentons and moves to Amity Park. As he grows the only clear memories he has of his past is another boy his age who he felt safe with. He knows the other boy is important to him but not why. He cant even really remember his face, certainly not his name. Danny always felt shitty that he couldnt remember the other boy because if he did, then the cops would have rescued him from the murder death cult too. Instead the other boy is presumably there and getting hurt all the time like Danny was.

Danny gets his powers like normal at 14 and decides that now that he has superpowers he absolutely has to save that other boy. Sam and Tucker help him gather clues, he starts to remember a bit more. He remembers the word ahki and realizes that the other boy is his brother!! Which just really enhances Dannys need to save him from the murder death cult. Eventually Tucker finds a picture of Damian Wayne and Danny is like thats him. Thats my brother.

Wait.

Bruce Wayne is his brothers dad???

Bruce Wayne is a rich fruitloop like Vlad obviously, so he is probably a member of the murder cult. Danny has to rescue his brother from the illuminati.

Cue Sam going to a socialite dinner in gotham much to her parents delight. Getting close to Damian by talking about animal rights, slipping him some sleeping pills in his vegan food. Tucker hacking into the gala and causing a commotion. Danny lugging an unconscious Damian out of the Gala and into the GAV ( no, his parents dont know why he borrowed the car or where he is).

Damian wakes up and immediately tries to attack Danny thinking hes a clone. Danny is like woah shit no its me! Its your brother. Damian is like Danyal is dead. Danny is like obviously not. Now chill out im rescuing you from the cult.

Damian, who has been secrectly mourning his twin for years, has never heard anyone call the League of Assassins a cult. He has to reevaluate a lot of things while Danny drives the GAV out of Gotham as fast as he can. Danny explains his whole backstory and how he is sorry he didnt come to save Damian earlier, his memories were gone but he had never forgotten how important Damian was to him. Damian doesnt do emotions on a good day and is unable to handle that like a normal person.

"Father isnt part of the cult, Danyal."

"Hes a billionaire from Gotham, of course he is!"

Damian who has fought many rich people from gotham, all of whom were evil, tries to find an explanation that isnt 'our dad is batman'. Danny isnt listening to any of it, promising Damian that he will be safe from the murder cult in Amity.

Damian eventually gets out that their mother was in the cult and their father didn't know about them. Danny pulls the GAV over and looks at Damian.

"Did i just kidnap you for no reason?"

"It was a kind gesture at least Danyal."

"Fuck. I just kidnapped bruce wayne's kid in the middle of a gala, am i super villain now?"

"Not if you take me home. Father will understand Danyal."

"I dont want to go to jail!"

Damian gives Danny the address to Wayne Manor and Danny drives to Bristol.

When they walk inside Damian now has to explain the whole 'had a dead brother i never told you about' thing to a less than amused batfam.

Danny introduces himself to Bruce and says that he has an adopted family back in illinois, but that he would be happy to get to know Bruce, also sorry about the kidnapping i dont normally do that i thought you were part of the illumimati and i had to rescue my brother.

Bruce just hopes this kid is normal.

(Hint: he's not)

[girrl1nterrupted]

5 minutes or less?

youre getting ready for a party and billie cant help herself

--------

"what'd you think?", you called out to billie. she was sitting at her desk, working when you entered the room. you were wearing a short, black lace dress, matching silver jewellery and a red bra that peeked over the top. "hey sweet- woah", she stopped. her eyes widened at the sight of you, breath visibly getting heavier. "you look-", "hot, right?", you teased.

walking over to her, you watched as her eyes fixed on your tits, unable to move. "up here bils", your tone playful. "you look so fucking hot", she finally said as you approached her, resting your hands on her shoulders. "is that really what youre wearing?". her hands ran along your figure, pulling you onto her lap.

"yeah, do you like it?". her hand rested on your thigh while the other was tightly wrapped around your waist. "a bit too much", she replied, kissing you softly. there was a need in her kiss, the kind of need seeming like she craved you. her lips began pressing harder against yours, almost as if they were asking permission for her tongue to join. within seconds, her tongue fought against yours, her hands tangled in your hair. you pulled away, breathlessly.

"what was that for?", you smirked. "stay", her response immediate. "I cant, ive gotta leave in 10 minutes babe". her face twitched, eyes glossy and innocent yet, pupils darkening with every glance she took up and down your body. "why dont you just come?", you said rubbing her arm. "you know I cant", her voice strained. she began kissing your neck, her sharp jaw cutting into you. "with h-how you look, m-makes me", she cut herself off. her hand came up to your jaw and tilted your head up, giving her more access. "makes me wish I was", her low voice vibrating along your skin. her grip on you tightened, causing that tingling between your thighs to increase. "come on bils, I need to go".

"I need to fuck you", her voice making your body shake. you leaned into her, letting her hands roam freely. your mind was beginning to shut off as her kisses got more aggressive but you pushed her off you. "ive gotta go bils", you stood up leaning down to kiss her once more. as you turned to leave, her hand grabbed your wrist. "ill be quick, please", she pleaded, her breath ragged. "5 minutes or less?", you teased, watching her face light up.

"mhm", she grabbed you hard into her, kissing you harshly, not allowing either of you to breathe. her hands firmly on your hips, she began pushing you back against the desk, reaching for your thighs to pull them up. "up girl, come on", she demanding. you got up, pulling her in by her shirt. "fuck", she groaned attaching her lips to your neck. your hands flew to her head, gripping at her roots. "fuck billie", you moaned. she pulled back, flashing you that cocky smirk of hers before biting your collar bones. "I want you so bad", she whispered.

the throbbing was getting unbearable, you needed her to touch you right now. your hand began pushing her head down and you felt as she smiled against your body, dropping to her knees. she pushed your legs apart, looking up at you frozen. "oh my god", she mumbled before shoving her face between your thighs. a high pitched moan escaped your lips as she began moving her tongue exactly how you liked. she was so good at it. knowing exactly how to eat out her girl. "right there billie, f-fuck", you groaned throwing your neck back. your vision was blurry, your thighs tightening around her.

"keep them open", she slurred as she shoved them apart, holding them in place. the pure dominance that radiated off her had you spiralling. "im so close", you cried, gripping the desk so hard your knuckles went white. "hold it", she replied, causing a shock to shoot through your veins. "I-i cant", you moaned "im so-", your hand came hard onto her head, pushing her as deep as you could as you came uncontrollably in her mouth. your body shook as muffled moans came from your girlfriend, swallowing every drop of your cum.

you held her head there for a moment, riding out your high before letting go. your breathing was heavy, irregular, catching in your throat. Bille got up, her lips glistening with your orgasm as she pulled you in to kiss her, letting you taste yourself. she pulled away, wiping her mouth before smiling at how fucked out you looked. "that was-", "so good right?", she teased just as you had earlier. she held your waist as you looked at the time.

only 2 minutes had passed. 2 fucking minutes. "5 minutes or less, right?", she said cockily before kissing your face. "shut up", you rolled your eyes. it wasnt the first or last time she made you cum this fast.

[xbruised-peachx]

Yooo first time ever requesting anything on this platform but like. Gromsko? Fender? As dads 😳? Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure for more content with my favs :3

OHHHH SWEET ANON I've thought about this a lot, in particular with Grom, might make a render someday... eventually... when i have time... dont hold me to this.

Tags: fem!reader, pregnancy, critical levels of cuteness and sweetness, author is not responsible for baby fever caused by this fic, one-shot, not betaread

Gromdad/Dad!Gromsko ⛈🇵🇱

He's always been a family man, not even just for wanting kids. Learning to care from his grandmother, he knows there's so much more that goes into having a truly good family life beyond just having a big family. He knows the value of true familial love that some struggle with because all they want is some big lineage. He's seen swaths of men who just want to pass on their genes but then not be there for the family they helped create. He never wants to be like that. He wants to be like his grandmother, like the other men in his family; true, respectful men that bring honor to them through compassion, care, and true familial love. Someone that will be passed down through generations due to the genuine heart he has.

Announcing to him that you're pregnant would genuinely brighten up his whole day. He would sit silent for moments as a smile crept up his face, in complete disbelief as his mind raced. He would only be able to choke out a soft "W-what?", unable to hide his smile as it grew and he laughed out of sheer awe. Head in his hands as his mind scrambled more for what to say, struggling even to gather a thought in his native language, let alone translate it. You rubbed your hand on his back, worried about him but he'd quickly pull you in for a tight embrace, taking a deep inhale in as he rested his head into the crook of your neck. Pulling back, you saw as he had a soft smile, his eyes gleaming a bit more as he showed a soft expression, wet with tears that threatened to come out. "I... I think I'm the happiest man in the world right now."

Having him around during pregnancy was a godsend. Sure, his medical training was for war and not for prenatal care, but he would be trying his damnedest and reading professional books on care. He wouldn't dare you to lift a finger the entire time, making meals for you like he usually would, and cleaning the house. Whatever you are craving, he'll figure out a way to mix it up even if it's... questionable in flavor to him. He also adores shopping with you, picking out a theme for an animal for the nursery, going with lions with the warm orange and oak colors making it very inviting as he set up the furniture. He especially adored the small scale clothes and shoes, and you couldn't even resist the cute allure of the matching red and white tracksuit when it was in a miniature scale. The nights though were where the true comfort lied, just on the couch, watching a movie or show while wrapped in blankets, his arms wrapped around your waist as he softly rubbed where the bump was forming. You couldn't see his face due to the position but he would be looking in absolute adoration. He knew pregnancy was hard on you, but that you were more than willing to put up with it for him? He will do anything to make it easier for you.

Above all, he is an amazing father once the baby is born. He admits, he cried when he first saw them and held them in his arms. He wasn't ever the man to cry, but the pure joy made him break. No doubt too with him being a big guy himself, his kid would come out naturally big and stay that way through infancy (I think of the one tiktok where he says "you look like a busted can of biscuits"... feel like that happened to Sobi at least once). One of his favorite things to do is while the baby is on their back, grabbing his helmet and going over them, letting the little bits of fabric dangle down as he leans down, shaking his head lightly as he watches the baby's reaction, eyes going wide then a huge smile growing as the baby starts giggling. His own smile goes wide as he hears every time the baby lets out a screaming laugh as he shakes his head. Watching it all warms you heart. It warms your heart even more as nighttime hits and you hear a low voice coming from the nursery, a tune that is out of key but warm and inviting in his own way. To his side a "Goodnight Moon" book but his singing... He expressed how he wanted to have the baby know both English and Polish. And there he was, softly singing in a rocking chair, no doubt his baritone singing making a soothing rumble as the baby fell asleep against his chest; Oj, lulaj, lulaj... Maleńki sokole... Oj, jak ty mnie urośniesz... Pójdziesz ze mną w pole...

Dad!Fender 🤘🇭🇺

He's always had the looming loss of his father over him, that legacy being his driving force as a soldier. But when he got with you? A new type of dread loomed over him; would he meet the same fate as his father? The thought terrified him, leaving you alone to raise a child, he didn't want to leave another child with the same fate as him. He wanted to be different.

When you told him about the results of the test, you were worried. You knew he wouldn't end things with you but that this still was completely unplanned. And that made him think of his own parents again. He remained silent, thinking in his head of what his own father must have thought when he was told... but as your hand slid over his and he met your eyes, seeing that worry and doubt, it melted him a bit. He thought of how his father must have thought at the time, with his mission in Budapest, the situation in Budapest at the time... thought story had its parallels, he realized it was different. He wasn't a CIA operative in a different country, he was a strong soldier in his own way, now working for a PMC that he could break his contract with for the time being. He had a strong relation with Kortac and they would absolutely understand his absence. He realized he can make it different, he will break the fate. Taking your hand and meeting your eyes, he looked determined but caring still, a smile on his face as he spoke, "We got this... We'll be strong together and get through this, darling... I'll be here for you."

With his break from Kortac he was more than willing to care for you while you were pregnant. His love of working out meant he had plenty of vitamins to help out both you and the baby, but also he was more than willing to grab new ones that were specialized for prenatal. Anytime you passed out on the couch, taking a nap just from the sheer work of your body growing your child. He'd smile and lift you with ease to the bed, often just taking a moment to lay with you while you rested. It warmed his heart being there for you. He had no mission professionally, just the goal of being there for you and supporting you. He felt less dread as time went on and he saw you happily walking around the home, smiling as you leaned on the doorway to the new nursery as he put together the complicated furniture.

When the baby was born, he couldn't ever describe the elation he felt. His own father dying before he was born, he finally felt at ease as he proved he could break the cycle, that it wasn't his destiny to have the same fate as his father, even if there was parallels. He'd carry everything for you out of the hospital, including the baby themself. And he always wanted to be there for you and the baby after, he was often the one getting up in the middle of the night when they cried, not minding at all as he savored every moment he got with them. He loved spending tummy time with you and them, encouraging the lil' thing as they grew and got stronger. Every moment was so precious to him, and he was glad to be there. Though his dad seemed before to be an omen, now he couldn't help but think of him positively, hoping wherever he was that he could see the proud man he left on this world, now a proud father.

[rinrinx2]

Ok so we all know that shinichiro is a big family guy. He loves his family and would love to have kids with his s/o. So I wanted to request a fic where reader and shin are married and are trying for a baby but it hasn’t been successful so they go to a doctor to see what’s wrong. It turns out that reader can’t have kids. Obviously she didn’t know but it’s heartbreaking for them. Reader has been depressed after thinking that shin would leave her. Shin wouldn’t leave her because he loves her and comforts her.

Hope you like it♡

.

6: 45

Shinichiro x reader

Warnings: Kinda angst, Straight up sadness, Fluff at the end.

It must of been some sick joke your mind was playing on you as the words of the doctor played over and over in your mind like some tormenting movie that you were forced to watch.

"I'm sorry Mrs Sano but you're unable to bare a child"

The clear expression of the doctor with her soft saddened smile as she revealed the reason why you were struggling to fall pregnant etched into your memory. The image only causing more tears to spill from your eyes.

Your heart was sucken to the deepest pits within unable to come to terms that you would never have a child. You would never be able to hold a being that you carried for 9 months in your arms, you would never be a mother and to make it worst Shinichiro would never be a father.

You knew how important family was to Shinichiro, and how much he wanted one of his own. So, now with this reality presented infront of you, you knew what would be the outcome causing you to cry even more as you mourned a child you would never know.

'It's only a matter of time' your mind told you.

Your knew that once you would break the news to Shinichiro that soon, he would depart permanent from you. What was the use of being with a woman who couldn't even provide such a basic need and you would be alone child barren and with no hand to hold or shoulder to cry on.

The thought alone causing more tears to fall like a crashing wave on the rough rocks of the shore.

So heartbroken that you hadn't even heard your husband enter what was supposed to be your shared bedroom.

"Hey (Y/N) you see my wrench" he asked looking over at your figure. Your figure that was hunched over, with your hands covering your beautiful face as the most heart breaking sobs emitted from your lips.

Quickly Shinichiro moved to sit beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull your closer, as you peaked through your fingers to see the worried expression on his face causing fresh tears to spill like a waterfall.

"What's wrong (Y/N)" Shinichiro asked softly waiting for your response; but he waited in vain as he was only met with silence and the sound of your tears.

"Are you sad because I ate the last pudding"

"I'm sorry I ate the last pudding I didn't mean to but I was so hungry and work was running late so I just-"

"I'm not sad about the pudding" you sniffled out with a laugh. Even when you were sad he was able to make you laugh, you would miss this quality of his so much, the thought alone drowning out the laughter that had escaped your lips.

"Then what's bothering you (Y/N)?" Shinichiro asked again.

You could hear the worry in his voice as he asked, and it only made your heart break further. How cruel it would be to break the news to him, like snatching away the kne joy he wanted.

"I dont wanna say you'll hate me" you said through tears.

"Come on (Y/N) there's nothing in this world you could do that would make you hate me, okay maybe if you ate the last pudding I'd be upset but I'd never hate you"

And as you heard Shinichiro words your confidence came back slowly, and yet there was still apart of your mind that told you that once you told him he would never be the same, he would never be yours again. Yet you knew it would be selfish to keep him in a world full of delusions only to one day have it ripped from below his feet.

So,with a deep breath and a mind full of doubt, you slowly removed your hands from your face. Your eyes now starring into his his as you spoke yourself into the future that you were terrified to be in.

"I can't have a child" You said hurriedly, forcing the words to come out in one breath.

"You mean you don't want one" Shinichiro said his eyes flickering down, his face painted with disappointment and hurt and you knew now what would be his next words.

'It's going to happen now' your mind said preparing you for the moment he would say he no longer wished to share a bed with you or a life.

"I thought you we agreed that we'd have a child and we'd have our own little family, could you please tell me why you don't want a child anymore?"

"Shinichiro it's not that I don't want one, I physically can't have one. The doctor said I'm unable to bare a child" You said as the repeated words of the doctor reached your ears again now coming from your own voice causing tears to spill once again.

Now both the pain of not being able to have a child and the stark realization that your husband was going to leave you were the reasons for the trail of tears streaming down your cheeks.

"(Y/N) I know this must be a very difficult thing for you to hear, and I want you to know that I'll be here for you, I'll be someone who you can really on for support, a hand to hold and shoulder to cry on when things feel to tough, I'll always be here for (Y/N) ... and as for us, we'll be fine. Just because you can't have a child doesn't mean we can't have one. We can adopt a child and as long as we love and care for it, it doesn't matter if it's not biologically ours or not as long as we have each other that's all that matter" Shinichiro said as his hand grabbed yours as his eyes starred into yours.

"You're not going to leave me?" You quietly asked, the fear of him still leaving you still heavily sitting on your mind.

"I didn't marry you to be a breeding machine, I married you because I wanted you to the the first person I see in the morning and the last at night. I married you because I love you and I don't want to live a life where you're not in it. I don't care about the rest, I just want you (Y/N).

And finally for the first time that day a smile finally appeared on your face at hearing Shinichiro's words.

Slowly your arms wrapped around his shoulders embracing him in a hug. You truly had married the kindest man in the world willing to accept and love you no matter what. No matter the hardships he would be beside you.

"I love you, Shinichiro"

"I love you too, (Y/N) ... besides now I don't need to use a rubber when we do it.

.

.

.

All rights reserved to @rinrinx2

[ndcultureis]

You know what, im gonna un-anon this :0

TW for stuff of,, just sorta a vent ? Not vent. It isn't a vent. I just wanna share my experience. TW for mentions of suicidality and running away , though I didn't ever, and just this being deep ? Ish? And anger, stuff, sorry I can't explain this.

ND + Undiagnosed ???+ Culture is-

• Having your deepest emotions in feelings, sights and sounds. Having that exact void in you where you think of everyday, never being able to explain it. And when someone thinks they got it right? "No! Thats not fucking it if you can comprehend it!". And never being able to get it out ever. Only being able to explain it as something itself like in this. Oh and it being more severe then how the people around you perceiving it as.

• Growing tired each day of anger, knowing something is not fucking right about the way you feel things. Being told its your depression. Naw the fuck it ain't!! This is something more!! What the fuck!! So going online at your deepest darkest moments only to be ignored and to be seen as invisible when begging for help when it gets bad.

• having the silly coping playlist on your Spotify to listen to when suicidal and want to run away, but the only time you feel those is when you ain't allowed on your phone!! So fuck that playlist!! Fuck!!

• being v attached to good parent, very good parent, needing all that attention. All of the fucking attention, never getting enough, and going completely numb and void when that parent changes how they act/their tone is off/they aren't giving you attention when you dont ask for it- tearing your hair and clawing at the sofa and kicking your feet and screaming once they do . Because you held it all in when they weren't giving you the attention! Looki now they think they're causing that :0 unable to explain they're helping you regulate everything

• + DID system culture with this is not knowing why every night alone you suddenly started splitting a lot of protectors, now knowing its to protect you from the depressive and manic episodes (??? No diagnoses with this), and them having a whole group for different roles to protect you from yourself :D

Sorry for such a big ND-culture-is ask, i needed to get stuff out. Im still figuring all of this out but i just hope to find someone who can relate. Im sorry its so deep-

.

[kodachromantic]

wrote some braindump abt the hawthorne timeline last night cause when you think about it there are a lot of questions and ideas to put in. idek what happened but all of a sudden dahlia became a very interesting character to me (iris too but dahlia is just kinda surprising)

huge mega spoilers for aa3, also large and likely boring so uhh read more

thinking abt dahlia and how weird things are in the beginning of her timeline before things actually start happening and im trying to think of how to fill the gaps. what age were they taken away by their father? isn't it crazy how the family relation is kinda sorta glossed over for all of this?? mia and dahlia are COUSINS, BRO, FUCKING COUSINS AND PEARL IS HER SISTER LIKE!!!!! BITCH!!!!! there's a 4yr age gap between d/i and mia. were misty and morgan somewhat estranged maybe?? we know morgan lived in fey manor, but was that just bc she was maya's caretaker or would she have lived there regardless? did she leave once the master title was given to misty and then moved back in later? mia could be young enough with some leeway for them to have been taken when they were toddlers and have no memories (if they lived in different houses or something).

dahlia thought morgan abandoned them bc they had little/no power but that brings up a question of when can you tell of one's spiritual power? i feel like it makes sense to just say, you can't tell that young, thats just the reasoning dahlia came up with or maybe what her father told her. age here depends on how many memories you want them to have of kurain & morgan, if any--maybe 2-4 y/o so mia would be 8 at most.

how long did iris live with dahlia and their dad? how old were they when their father remarried? i'd kinda put this at around 8-10 years old just as a feeling. how long was iris around until she was taken away? did bikini know her origin? did she speak to morgan? oh god imagine bikini alerting morgan and morgan is either pregnant with pearl or just had her and rejects iris coming back in a cruel twist of fate (i think im using that right? lol) bc although morgan didn't abandon them bc of their lack of spiritual power, she now doesn't want iris back because of it

okay 14 years old now, post fake kidnapping. wiki says valerie found dahlia and took care of her. so dahlia was considered legally dead bc terry was arrested for her murder. i think i forgot valerie forged all the melissa foster documents and just assumed dahlia did those herself or even just didn't have documents?? i mean it says "unable to get her original papers" so i didnt think of valerie making any new ones. and then post/during fawles trial, she's just given her info back? i mean edgeworth knew who she was. nothing really happened?? it was just, yep that stuff was weird but here's ur id back. do u think her dad thought she was dead, did he believe in the story or knew it was fake? do u think he gave a shit??? does dahlia live with valerie afterwards? she was 18 at the time of the fake kidnapping, so 18-22 years old taking care of her (valerie died at 23, dahlia would be 18 when valerie turns 22)? or did she go back home to her dad like "whoopsies" and her dad just does not care i dont even know what happened to the diamond after. i guess the two were able to pawn it and get the money that way rather than from the dad and that's how valerie looked after dahlia?? either they lived together or valerie set up dahlia with a living space and sent her money or she just lived independently with valerie checking in. it feels vaguely like ema like "who took care of this child and where did they live"

the idea of valerie taking care of dahlia and somewhat being that parental figure for her but it's too late for dahlia for that sort of kindness to change her path. she was also probably too close in age so dahlia would be like "whatever bitch" as you can tell dahlia & iris have become very interesting characters to me over the past few days lmfao

wait thinking on it maybe dahlia did know they were cousins. she knew morgan was her mom, she saw the last name fey and mia's magatama, thats not hard to put together

------

thats the end of what i wrote lol, i've been trying to write a comic idea out for the past couple days in the evenings abt dahlia and iris and i kept getting into roadblocks, first just the idea of writing and how daunting/hard it is, but then later the timeline and how it'd work and if my ideas for it even fit. so i had an idea for them to talk about their father briefly but then remembered dahlia jumped off the damn bridge & melissa foster and it got me down a rabbit hole. so now i'm either going to rethink that section or just plow through like fuck it and maybe change my idea for the timeline at a later date. who knows if it'll even be made w the pace im going lmfao!!!

i do like that bikini/morgan interaction tho i think i'll try and make that. if anyone reads this at all first of all hi teehee second of all if you want to do that idea literally feel free i wouldnt be upset in the slightest. lil egotistical of me to assume someone would want to tho LOL

[mourning-star-daily-comet]

FINALLY!! SOMEONE talking about the weird runaway blonde girl (Claire?) and the Nicholas Wilson boy case. I haven't been able to find ANYTHING on them for MONTHS!! my neighbors are starting to think I made the whole thing up!! I swear, true crime is never taken seriously as an interest. it seems even you haven't posted about the case in a while, has it gone cold? or have you heard any updates? do you have any sources you'd recommend I check out? the subreddit has gone to shit, unfortunately :/

finally somebody is talking about the subreddit! it's nothing but propaganda on there or memes and shitposts made by accounts i can guarantee have never even visited, much less lived here (which if we've somehow forgotten was the entire reason it was created??? its ridiculous but the mods are all inactive so they arent doing anything about it)

anyways, i dont like to say much about my personal life (for anonymity reasons) but since ive already seen speculation about it, i might as well address my inactivity. i was, like a few of you guessed, in custody for something unrelated that i won't get into. im hoping to be back posting now, but im still figuring a lot of stuff out legally so i'll be a lot less active.

now thats out of the way, yes, i have a very important update! the two of them were found around a month ago when a 911 call was placed about an empty car parked in the middle of the highway. claire was taken in for police questioning. ive gotten back in contact with one of my original sources, and though it hasnt been made public information yet, nicholas was not as at the time he was in critical condition due to injuries and was hospitalized. my souces claim that he was found with multiple broken bones as well as many smaller injuries. fortunately, he survived, so im hoping once he recovers he can finally give out the full story of what happened.

this is speculation but i definitely believe, due to the evidence that has been presented, that claire was the sole perpatrator of the crimes and nicholas was forced into joining her. the state he was found in is INSANELY suspicious, considering that sears died from head trauma. ive seen some people theorizing that he threatened to turn her in, so she attemped to kill him the same way. this would explain the fact that the car was so hastily parked in the middle of the road.

the only thing about this theory that doesn't add up is that he was also found to be in an extremely severe state of blood loss, though he did not have any major wounds that would cause this. the only other explanation i can come up with is that claire's attack wasn't sudden as people are believing, but deliberate, the blood loss pointing to him possibly suffering other injuries over the time they were on the run. this recontextualizes everything we know about the case but it is the only theory (that i've seen) which explains that aspect, since as far as i know no one else has the insider information that i do.

so though the case is still technically unsolved, it is relatively clear what happened and a basic timeline can be construed due to the line of events that we know took place. im hoping to hear nicholas's statement in the future. so far he has either refused or been unable to speak on the case.

ill make an update when we get more information

-msdc

[intersex-questions]

this is going to be a very long-winded ask but I've been questioning something for a long amount of time:

i had my voice drop significantly around the time most guys in school did too, around 12-14. i found old recordings of me talking and singing and its a completely different voice, more high pitched. as far as i can remember, i didnt have clitomegaly but it was larger and genuienly like a small penis. i also had a lot of body hair but no facial hair afaik, and super oily skin and acne that wasnt caused by what i ate . i had super heavy painful periods though that sometimes left me unable to function at all and brought me into the ER once and got me declared anemic, just to elaborate on how bad it was.

i spoke in past tense because i'm transitioning and have been getting testosterone every 3 months for 2 years now. i did notice i responded really fast to the first dose already, i almost immediately grew facial hair before my second dose and had my voice drop even more, outside of the usual clinical curve of change. while i know it depends on the person, it was very fast. i also cant shake that it might be PCOS since i wouldnt know if there is a spectrum to hyperandrogenism that would leave you still having heavy periods while also experiencing those changes. i haven't had my period ever since starting testosterone so i wouldnt know what would still be visible down there if i'd have a gynecologist take a look at it.

i know youre not a professional, but do you know off the top if there are any intersex conditions that.. well.. would describe what i could probably look into that couldve been there already pre-transition or at least could list off some intersex conditions that dont involve having internal testes or "hidden male sex characteristics" since i have had ultrasounds in my lower abdominal area a few times and i wouldve probably been told about it.

Thank you so much for sending this in. First off, I completely understand your struggle with questioning being intersex after starting testosterone. I didn't start to question my past experiences with my sex and sex characteristics until after I had started testosterone. This made figuring out if I was intersex even more difficult. Especially because, even if I was intersex, my outward intersex symptoms became "normal" for any FTM/trans+ person on testosterone.

What you describes already sounds like hyperandrogenism. Hyperandrogenism is, in and of itself, an inherently intersex experience. You do not need a specific diagnosis that has hyperandrogenism as a "symptom" nor do you need to have diagnosed hyperandrogenism in order to say you have it. Even if you are now on testosterone HRT, which makes hyperandrogenism seem more typical/"normal" for your body, that doesn't negate that it would be something your body still inherently has.

Also, I'm unsure if you mean, "I'm getting my testosterone prescription filled up every three months and am taking it for a different period of time" or, "I'm taking an injection or other form of testosterone every three months, and only every three months". If it's the latter/the second one, it very very much only further makes it seem as if you have hyperandrogenism or a variation in how your body processes testosterone. Your responses on testosterone are not typical for perisex individuals. Also, if you are on it that often because of a doctor recommendation and not a personal choice, that makes hyperandrogenism and even stronger likelihood because T is often taken less often or in lower doses for those who have hyperandrogenism but are trans+.

Also, I would like to say, it isn't entirely uncommon for intersex people who have something like internal testes to just...not be told about it. Even if the doctor(s) know. This is something often kept hidden from intersex people and many doctors will proceed to "treat" the patient (almost always unnecessarily) for their internal testes without explaining why they are doing that. I'm not saying that this is your experience, and many doctors would tell a patient, but it's important to just keep in mind that, unfortunately, doctors can suck.

Moving on from what you've described that seem like strong signs of hyperandrogenism, the fact that your genitalia are at all ambiguous also means that the intersex label is open for you to use. No one needs a specific diagnosis or anything like that to be welcome to use the label. The clitoris and penis are often more similar than people think. One way to imagine it is that the clitoris and penis are on a sliding scale, like in a character creation model, where you maybe slide the hair from long to short, or the body type from smaller to larger. The clitoris often does look much more like a penis when clitoromegaly is present. Having an ambiguous erectile structure is inherently intersex. Your genitalia might not be able to be classified as a clitoris or a penis, or you might not be comfortable as classifying it as exclusively either of those, or either of those at all. Having ambiguous genitalia is also a sign of hyperandrogenism in general, and/or it can be something that someone is just born into. In some cases for people, their clitoromegaly isn't developed until they grow older and their hyperandrogenism becomes present, as hyperandrogenism can be very late in presentation.

If you want specific diagnosed things that might be what you have, the most likely candidates to me are PCOS, like you said, or NCAH. However, it's important to note that bodies are medically messy. They can't always easily fall into categories. Despite the "C" standing for cystic in PCOS, people can have PCOS without cysts. You could have something like NCAH and endometriosis. Or you could have no specifically diagnosed intersex variation, but also experience certain things that cause painful periods. The most likely causes for your period pains are probably PCOS or endometriosis. Dysmenorrhea is also just a general term for abnormally or life-impacting painful periods.

Also, it's common for hyperandrogenism to stop or lessen periods. Same with testosterone HRT. But neither of those inherently stop them from happening. Some people on testosterone HRT can be on it for years at a high dose and still get periods.

So, basically, it sounds definite to me that you have hyperandrogenism and clitormegaly/ambiguous genitalia. You also have had abnormal/painful experiences with your periods, which is often comorbid with intersex variations.

You can definitely be intersex without any "hidden" things inside your body. You can also be intersex without a specific diagnosis. You know your body best, and in a case like yours, it is up to your self-determination if you label as or consider yourself intersex. You have a place in this community and in this experience no matter what. I wish you love on your intersex journey 💛💜💛!

(I hope I managed to hit all the points you brought up for the most part--sometimes I accidentally gloss over things while reading. You can always send in another ask if I missed something!)

[wigglepiggle]

okay you cant just say that and not elaborate. please elaborate. if you want to ofc you don't have to-

I will gladly elaborate this is very rough so idk how much sense it makes

first off this is about pokemon btw. also I'm not entirely sure how time travel works in pokemon I know it happens a lot but I. I don't know and I can't look it up rn so this might be incorrect I don't care

so there's this guy yk. he lives in a different timeline than the main story(not suuper different but it's different. basically in the main story he didn't really exist) and basically there's this legend (in both timelines) about 3 species of pokemon that represent the fear responses (fight, flight, and freeze) and those pokemon generally make people really nervous around them(they aren't doing it on purpose their abilities just screwed them over)so humans dont interact with them and eventually due to circumstances I still need to figure out but poaching them is one many die out until there's only a couple left

3 of each species the remaining pokemon (the pokemon also don't have names auughh) get so mad at humanity they train for a long time. Freeze gets especially powerful as it tries to shed it's weakness of being very slow and also unable to attack effectively and succeeds at that so it uses it's fear inducing power stuff to almost cause the apocalypse before another legendary from the reigon has to seal it away into a statue state. the other two stronger pokemon run away to avoid being punished however the statue has a marking on it that looks like an item could fit there but that's for later

anyways now actually on to this guy who I'll call. tree. because he's related to the professor who's named after a tree. that will not be their actual name I need a placeholder anyways he works in a mine with his pokemon that helps him mine. it's another form of one of the starter pokemon, who is a grey catbird with a meowth disguise. it's basically that but with perrserker so it gains steel typing (it's steel/dark now)and it's stronger because it's bred to be more for helping in the mines

tree then gets into beef with this one person over if the freeze pokemon legend is true and he travels all around out of spite to find the object that fits in the statue and eventually they find it and invite the person into the building that houses the statue

while they're waiting for the person to join them at the building tree starts to realize that if the legend was true and not something to just get people to visit the mountain it's on he could literally rule the world so he decides he wants to because they're tired of working in the mines

so the person makes it and he puts the object into the statue. and the pokemon awakens. but now it's extremely pissed off so it starts firing the Psychic Waves That Make You Anxious everywhere

and well tree almost dies instantly from the pokemon immediately attacking him but god decides he could be useful so arc decides to take him inside of the realm it's in and give tree a stern talking to and a look into what happened after he awakened the pokemon were literally all of the people and pokemon have lost it and now nothing can function anymore and then it throws him into the main story timeline. because the evil team leader is planning on doing the exact same shit he did and arc doesn't want another timeline to go to complete shit again

oh and then his bird managed to come through with them and it got lost after its pokeball broke open once getting here and almost killed the mc and one of the rivals and her tyrouge who she just saved from death the day before so that's another thing that happens

[noblehcart]

🍻+ “ if you could do anything in the world, what would it be ?” (For Nina)

@lordofthestrix (i dont remember the meme but she's gonna answer honestly anyways)

"I want to help people." Was the immediate response with resounding confidence. That much she knew. "I grew up seeing mum's attempts at community out reach through the shop, but I want to do more."

Her schoolmates and teachers all told her she was a natural born leader. She was top of her class, instinctive unmatched debater, and school ambassador for major events and collaborations with other programs. More than once she had been invited to speak on topics on a national scale regarding a variety of issues...but it wasn't enough. She volunteered and still helped her mum with her own out reach programs...but...

"I don't want to join the military like Uncle Stefan, but I wish I could do work like he did when he went in to help refugees to safer areas." Nina sighed shaking her head unable to figure out how to better explain things. "Its dangerous I know, but its also a good cause. Maybe mum read me 'The Scarlet Pimpernel' far too many times because I want to help people find a safe place from persecution even if that means diving into the fire."

Eyes tilted up to him exasperated. "Or maybe I'm just immature and wanting adventure. I don't know. I just...want to help people. Make the world a better place."

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

if we like take as givens that 1. it is incredibly annoying for everyone when people act like they literally cant think for themselves and 2. it is something that you eventually do just have to suck up and get over or else it will not change. it does kind of sit wrong with me when people act like the only cause of that is entitlement or something and therefore you shouldnt give that kind of mindset any sympathy.

like, i think this just continually plays out with new things people dislike every once in a while and this is just the newest one but i think it does maybe deserve some like, investigation how a lot of young adults especially ones like raised on social media are afraid or unable to decide or research shit for themselves because i Do not think most people are doing this out of like malicious displays of laziness or anything, i think the cultural era we're in like Actually is creating a huge amount of pressure to be afraid of doing things for yourself or expressing opinions you can't prove came from someone else and idk if its fair to expect everyone to be like Immune To Propaganda especially 16 year olds who havent talked to real fucking people in going on 3 years. like i dont know how unique my personal experience with this is bc i grew up in a very anti-science anti-mainstream-thought culture that really disadvantaged me here as well as growing up kind of textbook autistic and obviously that also led to people trying to fucking break me until i acted like they did, and thats another whole thing. but i think beyond that the paranoia culture happening right now is INSANE and thats like, internal pressure not to wrongthink in public as well as more pressure from authority figures and you add that to young adults who dont fucking go outside and are only given opportunities to express themselves and absorb other peoples expression thru algorithmic bullshit what do you THINK is gonna happen man..... like not to say you CANT be frustrated by people like that because i am also frustrated by it but that kind of fear is DIFFICULT to escape from even if you want to and understand that it makes you look like a fool. like ive been there and am there and it really sucks dude. i dont have a call to action or something just like, pls stop acting like this is some display of entitlement wanting everything spoonfed to you, because i know a lot of it is just fear

[chowowed]

Venting very hard about doctors, chronic pain, and being ignored.

one of these days i feel like i should just ask on a reddit thread or smthn about my damn chronic pain. every medical test ive had done has come back inconclusive or normal, but there literally cannot be anything normal about a 25 year old who cant stand straight after sitting for a long time, and who ends up in agony every time it rains. if i walk around a fucking store too long i struggle to put the bags in my fucking car. i can't ride in sedans / low vehicles because I struggle to get out of them. some days i dont want to get out of bed because it hurts so much. 90% of the time it only bothers me mildly but the other 10% (right now) has me so frustrated. weight loss didnt help, exercise didnt help, pain killers work for a few days and then stop. i had to strategically organize my classroom so i had a desk near me at all times in case i got unsteady so i wouldn't fall. my left leg refuses to improve at all, and any amount of babying it just makes the right leg inflamed. i run low grade fevers on the worst pain days. Getting sick at all just makes my hips and back scream at a level 9 pain. i know for a fact if i stopped taking my meds again i'd never sleep because of the pain.

"the kid is 9, his legs are just growing. has weak muscles in thighs but will improve as he ages" -> it has never once improved. I've literally been complaining about this pain since i was a child and unable to properly explain it.

"it may be gout based on bloodwork. this medication should help." -> several years ago, not improving the pain. feels like im wasting my money on this medication. also, literally none of the pain is in my feet/ankle/knees. its literally my spine and hips.

"your periods are causing cysts that press down on your nerves. birthcontrol should help stop that, and the pain will resolve." i was 15. im 25. i havent had a period since i was like 19. if this was the case, why isn't it better.

"xray shows labral tear. should heal on its own." -> been years, zero improvement. recommended absolutely nothing for treatment.

"mri came back clean. you may have arthritis, though." -> what the fuck does that mean. i "may?" how can an mri come back and show nothing was wrong but "maybe" it's arthritis. i was literally in pain on the fucking mri table. they immediately referred me to a spinal surgeon.

"xray appears normal! possible slight arthritis in the spine." -> Spinal surgeon was a flop. why the fuck is a (at the time) 23 year old developing arthritis. can you explain why my lumbar looked crooked. why did my mom's spinal surgeon look at a picture of this xray days later and confirm the L2-L3 looked crooked. did you miss the part where i said degenerative spinal diseases run in my family.

"bloodwork came back clean. theres nothing suggesting of arthritis." -> what the fuck!!! other doc just said i might have it!! do i or do i not have it!! if i dont have it why do i have these symptoms!!

"emg shows no sign of nerve damage." -> then can someone please figure out why i'm experiencing nerve pain in my left leg. freezing/burning/water trickling down/pins and needles on thigh/ i cannot feel any touch on the skin above my knee. thats not normal. that cannot be fucking normal. if its really meralgia paresthetica, can someone figure out WHY and WHAT caused it. i was told that would go away, why has it been almost 10 years and not gone away.

Like at what fucking point do these "clean" reports become a fucking red flag? At what point does someone say "hey, wait, what the fuck. that shouldnt happen" I dont fucking want pain meds!!! i dont want to be sick!! I want answers!!! i just want answers!!! i'm happy to try other means of pain management!! i should not be this creaky, stiff, achey, exhausted, and in pain for a 25 year old. i cant even walk around the goddamn grocery store for twenty minutes. what the ever loving fuck man.

what i do want is my handicap placard back. the dmv wouldnt renew it because my doctor didnt use an official letterhead :'(

[vomitpukey]

I'm super new to this, but here's my OCs, I guess.

Most of them dont... have like... up to date ref sheets. Doodles will probably be posted sometime, maybe? Possibly? Prolly not.

Lots of weird shit covered in here. Don't press the read more if you're not wanting to see.. like... almost every uncomfortable thing imaginable. Like one of these poor souls is a human pet.

Yeah.

Jeremy Jones, simply referred to as Pet by a lot of people, is unfortunately dead to the public eye. He got surprise adopted by Ville when he was 12, and he has been raised perfectly normally since. Yep. Totally.

Jeremy usually wears nothing but a dog collar. Even after he gets out of Ville's clutches, he wears a choker for an odd sort of comfort.

Ville couldn't decide if he wanted a pet or a child, so Jeremy is both. Blud just kinda engrains that into his brain until it sticks. Jeremy is like.... early to mid-twenty something whenever i write about him being in Ville's care. I imagine by the time he's escaped Ville and gets help at the hospital he's in his late 20s, by the time he's well enough to be a functioning member of society again he's probably in his early 30s. I don't have a set age for him if you couldn't tell. /s

Jeremy respects his mother figure, Nessie, greatly. He tries his best to respect her boundaries once he's back into society, but he'd be lying if he said he doesn't miss the closest thing he's ever had to a real parent.

Ville Valentine is a being as old as time. He's a purple rabbit fuck that causes misery for seemingly everyone he's ever been around. He's, somehow, had multiple partners. Him and Nessie were married for a while, Nessie not realizing the literal torture her husband's child has been through to get so nice and obedient. She quickly divorces Ville once she realizes how truly he's wrecked Jeremy's psyche and regrets not taking the man with her when she left just about every day.

Ville's current partner is.... Mike. Ew.

Micheal Coxs is an absolute leech. He only truly likes one person: Ville Valentine. Any other relationships or connections he may attempt to have usually fall through because Mike... attempts to sacrifice them to Ville.

Mike is a self-proclaimed prophet of the rabbitman, the tiny little rat of a man doing his best to spread the gospel of his God.

Mike has... far too many things wrong with him. This fucker is quite literally jealous of Jeremy because he wants to be Ville's pet. Absolutely vile individual.

Vincent Valentine is Ville's brother. He doesn't use his powers to fuck with people and is generally chill. That's... about it, honestly. He and Nessie are like the only normal-ish people here istg.

Lockness Rivera is a farmer. She lives far too close to the dump than what should reasonably be allowed. Usually, she illegally grows her crops in said dump due to the soil there being surprisingly good. She used to live out in the country with her parents on their farm but decided to move when she met Ville. She was absolutely starstruck with the man, as was Ville with her, and her parents were happy she'd finally found the one.

And then everything went to shit.

Nessie has assumed, due to his rather childish way of speaking and his overall short appearance, that Jeremy really was a child. She had found the collar extremely weird, as well as the fact that her husband's kid was apparently named Pet... I wish the poor gal would've seen the blindingly red flags sooner. Ville always treated Jeremy nicer when Nessie was around. Sigh. She divorced him the second she'd walked in on Jeremy getting punished for God knows what, Nessie unable to take Jeremy with her due to a Jeremy Valentine not existing anywhere in any records.

[yuridovewing]

hollyleaf and/or a wc oc of yours (if you want!!) :3c

OOO I have not thought about her in forever but I'll take the time to flesh out Silverleaf a bit cause I miss her.

Hollyleaf first though

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian and i can see her being on the ace spectrum somewhere! dunno where exactly though.

Gender Headcanon: I like to think shes nonbinary, specifically agender especially in my au.

A ship I have with said character: hollywillow is one thats soo interesting to me and the one i go for in my au cause mannn the extra angst it adds to her storyline with leafpool (she is a medic in this au). like as you grow up alongside the code you grow disgusted towards yourself for loving another medic so you leave her, only to learn your mother has also broken two vows at once and it resulted in you. like. goddamn....

im also fond of hollycinder ofc! and i definitely like hollyheather a bit for similar reasons as hollywillow

WAIT WAIT. I GOT AN IDEA FOR RAZORVERSE i'll write this in a different post cause i dont wanna clog this one too much

A BROTP I have with said character: if not as a ship i like hollycinder as a brotp. i guess also fallen leaves buuuut tbh i dont really care about him, lol. but having a ghost friend is cool.

A NOTP I have with said character: hmm i dunno who comes to mind. does anyone actually ship hollyleaf with men other than fallen leaves? idk if its because i like her a lot but shes one of those characters i just cannot see with a man, like it just feels weird.

A random headcanon: if we're talking razorverse, as a part of the tunnel hivemind, she can take form outside of the tunnels as a shadow. she often followed dovewing and ivypool this way, though she was unable to actually talk to them.

General Opinion over said character: i love the version of her in my head but man I wish she was handled sooo much better in canon. what do you mean leafpool has to apologize to HER. no she fucking doesn't. hold my girl accountable, she ruined lives and tried to kill her own mom, dont just let her get off scot free? the end of her arc should not be "oh i should have followed the code Better", it should be "hey the code is sorta... bullshit actually"

And now Silverleaf

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian ace ^^

Gender Headcanon: trans girl

A ship I have with said character: her with another oc named lightheart. their relationship happens after lightheart is exiled and silverleaf is nearly murdered (and subsequently fakes her death), they're from different clans. havent figured out their new story but they start off when lightheart takes refuge with Silverleaf and Fang (her rogue friend) and they can relate to each others' traumas a lot and things build from there ^^

A BROTP I have with said character: Like I said she has a rogue friend named Fang! they became friends when silverpaw was an apprentice and she ended up confiding in him a lot about her situation with applefrost (her mentor) and he was the only one who made her actually feel like a kid. hes the one who found her and helped fake her death.

A NOTP I have with said character: none really

A random headcanon: she becomes some sort of traveling bard! she creates some songs with lightheart and fang and they go around different territories to sing

General Opinion over said character: I really need to fix up her story and update it someday, im not sure what exactly to do cause as of right now, i don't know if her story is too generic or not. (applefrost, the deputy and her mentor, attempts to isolate her and make her loyal to only her for when she gets her nine lives, so silverleaf could be an enforcer or mole of sorts, only to discard of her when she feels silverleaf isn't up to the task.) but she's my first ever wc oc and im very fond of her

[chivjrennugts]

but then theres a problem, im not "unlovable" or unattractive, or unable to keep people around its just the fact that when i create these attachments i am so tuned into them and their needs and creating a concept of me ik they'll like, and will never leave, that not even they can see through my bull shit.. like how can i be loved when im not even really showing myself

its all a facade that im just not sure how to break yet. and the very few people who dont get the glamourized version of me, the people who've seen the roughness, where i come from, and where i go. the people who have seen me as bad as i get. im no longer friends with them because when faced with reality we fucking crumble like idfk.

so from now on ill just genuinely be myself and stop creating these insane attachments that dont do me any good, not to mention how its not even fair to the other person how, when im done with my little act, i just easily abandon them.

and for a while (up until just now) i thought this made me a bad person. when in reality im just a fucked up girl in a world full of other really fucked up people trying to navigate it the best way i know how. even if it hurts myself, and others.

i guess a lot of this ties into alot of my other unhealthy addictions (alcohol but we can touch that another day lol) and how im really just tryna figure this shit out as comfortable as possible.

i had a friend once as well, i didnt understand why she did a lot of the things she did when she did them, but now i get it. i dont even understand how after all this time of us not being friends, these small things happen to me and i can still put myself in her shoes because, well i am literally in her shoes.

not to mention she was one of the first people ever who i actually cared about, that abandoned me. that wasnt a man, or my own family. and it hurt. it hurt so bad i think that day i flipped a switch saying ill never allow anyone to leave me ever again, ill never get attached to anyone again. so now i create this whole fucking circus act curated to my victims, so that no, they wont leave me, and i wont have to leave them but instead manipulate this whole system.

I have a feeling this is what friend from earlier did not only to me, but to other people. her boyfriends, her other friends, literally everyone. and tbh im not even sure if i was one of those people who saw her at her lowest. her lowest (that ive seen atleast) didnt even make me see her as a real person but instead of somebody i just wanted to protect.

and now i guess im that person. just wanting to be someone other people want to protect, want to take care of, want to love. i feel like i just cant do that on my own. i want to be wanted.

and thats how i do it

its sad to think how a lot of bad things happen to other people and i feel like my bad things dont equate to theirs but once i drop this act it really does. even when i address this act.

like this whole thing in itself is probably a whole fucking mental illness i havent touched yet. i also think thats why i relate to joe from you WAY too deeply.

its not because of the whole stalking and killing shit. but its cause when joe finds a new victim he profiles them, this doesnt even take long.

i can profile a person really quickly. i mean i think im smart even, i could probably put thi talent to good use like being an investigator or a criminal specialist, but no.

instead i use it on innocent people i want to have relations with. like also in you, they never REALLY know joseph, they know joe. they dont know joseph, whose mom left him, who was abused at a young age.

i never let anyone even get that close to me to even find out about the REAL me i mean, the me who is traumatized by her dad form being beat so badly, who felt given up on by her mom every time she delivered me to him like i was a fucking punching bag.

the me who feels like the little bullied overweight girl in my dads basement. the me who wanted to die at the ripe age of 11, i didnt even have "real world" struggles yet. but the cards i had been dealt filled me with so much fucking pain and embarrassment. im even crying now typing this lmao.

but they dont see that. not because "im unlovable or unattractive, or unable to keep people around" but because, im scared. im scared to even talk about these things to myself. i rather just ignore it and push it deeper, cover it up with this whole new life, this whole new girl, this whole fucking facade.

but hey, it works... right?

maturing for me is realizing my concept of love/friendships is so fucked up and i have never loved anyone my entire life or been friends with anyone i just have had this insane attachment that consumes me