#cause the only type ive ever known is Bad

[alwaysxyou]

.

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[artsninspo]

FORGIVELESS - IV - YOU DON'T MIND SECOND FIDDLE, THAT'S WHY YOU A BITCH 🎻

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IV - YOU DON'T MIND SECOND FIDDLE, THAT'S WHY YOU A BITCH 🎻

Pairing: Rio (Good Girls) X Reader

Word Count: ~2.4K

Warning: Messy, mature themes & 🌶️ implied, a bit of a domestic situation.

Summary: The rendezvous with Rio continue causing James to spiral. only women are better cheaters. Rio proposes something outside of his previous boundaries. Japan is revealed while you get to keep your secret about Rio a little longer.

Sitting in front of the mirror pleased with your makeup you go over excuses in your head. You’ve set up the perfect situation. You’ve overheard James whispering and arguing on the phone. Japan’s been blowing his line up. You already know your husband is suspicious of you but everyday you care a little less. Your own indiscretions with Rio let you know how much work it is to be dishonest. Chasing the highs of being a well off young professional has your husband thinking too much of himself and now he’s paying with his eroding marriage. It’s Rio who’s been consistent for a man who doesn’t think he's the relationship type. Looking yourself, you smile, feeling sexy. It’s become a familiar feeling again with Rio.  Heading downstairs you find James sitting on the couch which is a rarity for a Friday night. Usually he has some more important plans than spending time with you.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Friends bachelorette” you smile.

“Which friend?” he asks.

“Marlène from yoga, I was invited.” you tell him.

“Marlène” he says trying to register the name. “I can drive you there and pick you up” he offers.

“No need babe, I don’t drink” you remind him.

“How late?” he asks.

“Maybe 2 or 3 the latest” you tell him.

“Okay, maybe we should keep a calendar so we can keep up with each other's schedules. In case I want to surprise you” he suggests.

“Sure, I’ll see you in a bit” you smile waving.

“Hold up, we were invited to the wedding?” He asks standing as he makes his way over to you.

“I declined the invite. I know how busy you get.” You respond. 

“Next time, ask me first. I love you and I want to do what it takes to make you happy. I know it’s been hard since the move but I’m here and I’m in this and I miss you.” He says. All it took was some distance for him to shape up and pay attention.

“Ok” you nod pecking his lips and when he deepens the kiss, it's all wrong. The passion isn’t there, or if it is it doesn’t mix well with his lies and betrayal. You’re relieved when he pulls away. Your heart isn’t racing, there's no tingles or butterflies. Your heart settles a little knowing the sun has set on your marriage. You force a smile heading out to the car. Standing there James is struck with panic, sure now more than ever he’s losing you.

Heading out you meet a new group of friends at one of Rio’s clubs. It’s a bachelorette party. You remember yours. You’d been too young to be considered someone’s wife and so excited to do whatever James asked of you. It’s bittersweet memories. Had you known then what you know now you wouldn't have walked down the aisle. A cheater, a liar, a coward and your husband. Mentally you decide to file the next time you have some free time or at least get the papers. Once the liquor starts flowing between the girls you call Rio as planned. The thrill is still there, it’s how you're making it through this tough time. Reclaiming your agency as a woman. Rejecting the treatment you once settled for. Doing James just as bad. It’s dark when Rio rolls up to the back entrance of his establishment. It's only been fifteen minutes since you made the call, he gets out his G-Wagon matching it in all black. His hands go into the pockets of his black denim jacket as he waits against the passenger door. You dont waste any time heading to him. His smile is the same as always as his eyes look you over in appreciation. Rio never misses the details. Stepping aside he opens the door helping you into the truck. 

“You good?” He asks and you nod as he pulls off. 

“You?” You ask.

“Mhm” he nods. The silence is comfortable and Rio keeps a hand on your thigh possessively as he drives to his place. You notice he’s not here with you and somewhere else in his thoughts when he passes the exit to his place.

“Rio, you missed the exit” you tell him.

“I’m taking you to my place” he mutters looking over at you. You swallow feeling the new reality between you has changed. You're no longer on quicksand, you're in it. You don't respond feeling comfortable with the decision. You place your hand over his on your thigh.

“I gotta go out of town for a few days,” he says, breaking the silence.

“How long is a few days” you ask.

“Three, I was hoping you could come with me,” Rio says, shocking you. It’s what had been on his mind. If he left it would give James the opportunity to slither his way back into your good graces and probably lead to a reconciliation. Something Rio didn't want to even entertain the possibility of for his own selfish reasons, among the principal of things.

“Come with you?” you ask.

“That’s what I said, what I fuck you so good you cant hear now?” he remarks and you hit him playfully.

“Shut up” you laugh.

“You coming or what?” he asks and you look him over.

“Where are you heading?” you ask.

“Mexico for my cousin's wedding. I have a plus one” Rio says casually.

“I would love to but with all I have going on it’s not the right time” you sigh.

Rio’s nostrils flare in frustration “So what?”

You sigh, “Rio, leaving the country to be your date looks bad.”

“Fuck everyone who would question you after you say he stepped out” Rio snaps.

“Rio you’re being unreasonable” you respond.

“What about me gives off reasonable?” he responds and you smile. He’s right from day one he’s been a handful.

“Rio” you start.

“Tell him whatever he needs to hear, then bring your ass to Mexico with me.” he demands like it's not even a question.

“You want me held up in your room like a sex slave for a few days” You scoff.

“Shit the roleplaying might get you off” he shrugs still upset that you aren't jumping up and down like most women. Rio doesn't like having to compete for your time with the ego of a man that doesnt deserve you even a little.

“You’re being an ass” you smile, rolling your eyes at him playfully. He comes in for a kiss and your phone rings. You look at the caller ID and see it’s James. Rio sighs and you follow suit. You let it ring out but he calls again. After the third ring Rio turns on his sound system to mimic the club before hitting the answer.

“James?” You say.

“What time are you getting home? It's after one” he says.

“I don’t know I’m having fun” you lie.

“I’ll come meet you” he offers.

“No, go out with your friends. Don’t wait up.” You shout.

“No, I miss you and I want to make love to my wife tonight.” The thought alone is off putting. When your eyes re-open from the disgusted shudder you find Rio watching you pissed.

“Sorry I can’t hear you, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye!” You shout hanging up.

“You’re gonna have to tell him you know,” Rio says.

“I’m not ready to play pretend with my family or his. It’ll take time away from you and I'm having fun.” You explain knowing how it’ll work. Women were expected to be distraught, hurt or psychotic after infidelity from their husbands. Your callously orchestrated revenge will be vilified and used as justification for his indiscretions in the beginning. You’ll be burned at the stake for not lying down and taking disrespect.

“Think he’s shitting himself now? When he knows you know and sees you riding around with me, me taking you out treating you right. Then what?” Rio says onto your lips kissing you. The thought of James getting his just due is desert for the both of you. Your moans are audible as his lips kiss you down your neck. His hands hold you there firmly.

“Are you listening?” He asks.

“Yes” you nod.

“Good” his voice softens his dark eyes holding yours.

“He doesn’t get to touch you, doesn’t get to sleep beside you, doesn’t get to see you undressed, nothing. His time’s up mama.” His words are slow and deliberate. He’s placed his claim. His possession is all in his eyes. “Handle it, Love, or I will” he warns, incapable of sharing. You don’t even make it to the bathroom. Rio has his way with you on the couch talking you through it. He fights for control over what he’s feeling and channels all his jealousy and possessiveness into making you feel good enough to want him. Enough to forget about the feelings of a man that did not consider yours or upkeep his vows. You spend the night christening his home and the morning is everything you hoped morning’s with James would be like in this new city. Slow and full of comfortable silences based on quality time. Rio typically did not talk too much, not needing to but today was different. He wanted to put an end to Jame’s hold on you. To James being a two timing fuck waling around like he owns the world. He wanted James to pay for blowing up your life. By the time you leave Rio’s place it’s 9am. That’s how little fucks you have left to give. You don’t expect James to be waiting at the house when you arrive but he’s sitting in the living room fuming mad. His eyes go to your rings first. When they are located he calms down just a touch.

“Where the fuck have you been!” He snaps through gritted teeth, standing and closing the distance and sniffing you like a dog. It’s how you should treat him.

“Don’t talk to me like that!” You shout triggered.

“You’re not walking out of this house again to go anywhere without me. Matter of fact, give me your phone!” He snaps grabbing your purse from your arm. He finds your phone unlocking it with Face ID and going through it. Instead of fighting him you go for his phone on the island knowing you’re in the clear. You search to find the messages have degraded into arguing instead of steamy exchanges. The blue flame between James and his mistress has faded into contention with him trying to be more present in his marriage. It’s against everything the mistress wants to hear. Little miss Japan is pulling out the stops. Her revised attempts at luring your husband away from you flip a switch. You clear the counter throwing two vases at him in succession. He fails to duck away from the first one hitting him in the chest. The other douses him with water before shattering on the ground.

“I should’ve known you were cheating!” you scream, snapping him out of his rage. Fear flashes in his expression. “All the accusations! Neglect, no sex, it was all here” you snap holding up his phone. Tears well as you release the secret you’ve been keeping in for the past few weeks. You send the phone flying at him too. The device hits him in the chest and you snatch yours from him. “That’s how you’d let some women speak about me and talk to you. You dirty low down fuck!” You add feeling your hands and face heat from the rage.

“Baby” he panics “It was a mistake.”

“Don’t call me baby, matter of fact don't call me anything! Don’t call me!” You cry getting your keys and heading out. “Japan, Japan, Japan, whole time Japan is a fucking woman that you’re seeing!” you continue your tirade.

“Y/N!” He snaps. “I’m sorry. I can explain, listen to me.” His words mean nothing and you keep on heading to your car. He grabs you violently.

“I said I’m sorry!” he asserts with a mixture of anger and panic.

“You are and I’m done with you” you pull away but he grabs you. You try to free yourself but he’s too strong. You struggle against him as you and him exchange unheard feelings at a high volume. He wins the struggle.

“I said I’m sorry! I made a mistake but I love you!” He shouts, shaking you and your heart races as you see all the threads you’ve been picking at are loose. You want to stick the nail in the coffin but you don't. Instead you look at him with all the hate you feel for the predicament his actions have created. 

“I hate you and you’ll regret it I promise” you snap, turning to face him as you open the garage. Fear turns from panic to rage again at your threat. He grabs your arm unlike ever before. “Get out my face and let me go. Go be where you’ve been with her.” you snap pushing him off. 

“Don’t walk away from me and don’t threaten me!” He snaps as you get to your car. Before you get in he grabs your hood, yanking you back.

“What’s going on here?” An officer interrupts. Just the way his eyes fall on you it’s clear he’s been sent by Rio. James steps back and you readjust your neckline.

“I’m trying to leave and he won’t let me” you speak frankly. You hear James gasp in shock at your betrayal.

.

“She’s my wife. Officer I just want to speak with her” James says. You look him over and see he’s all wet. It definitely looks like a domestic dispute.

“Do you want to speak with him?” the officer asks you.

“No” you respond and the officer opens your car door. You get in.

“Y/N!” James shouts.

“Keeping her here against her will with force is something I can charge you with” the officer informs your asshole soon to be ex-husband.

“It’s a marital disagreement,” James says, trying to turn on the charm. It doesn’t work on the officer who gives him a final glare before walking out with you. 

“Stay put” he snaps at James. “Are you alright?” he asks and you nod, adjusting your sweater and clothes. 

“Yes”

“Did he hit you?”

“No officer he didn’t” you confess honestly.

“Go see Rio” the cop whispers before closing the car door. You’re a little startled at how perceptive you are and pull out of the driveway to head to Rio’s place. You find him pissed and pacing. His eyes go to your stretched out collar but he keeps his thoughts to himself offering you comfort and a hug. He ignores his phone ringing and you ignore yours until James stops calling and it’s your mom. you already know. James is in damage control mode.

Thanks for reading my loves, theres more mess to come - I promise. Keep on, liking, commenting and sending over ideas. I hope those of you who send some in liked seeing them integrated in the story. What was your favorite part?

NEXT CHAPTER

TAGS:

@meadows5 @wnbweasley @becauseimher @ariiaeltheedonn @woahthatshitfat @miniaturehideoutmentality

[noctxj]

hanahaki disease “… in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies…”

part i / part ii / part iii / part iv

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.

a disgruntled poly!tf141 who don’t want to work with one of laswell’s personal contacts. and “agent” who thinks poly!tf141 are by far the most amusing bunch to work (annoy) with as of late. agent who impresses and frustrates poly!tf141 at every turn. and poly!tf141 who don’t know whether to scream or throttle (kiss) agent for their antics. 

poly!tf141 and agent who work so seamlessly well as a unit (much to laswell’s smugness). poly!tf141 and agent who spend countless hours together; the good, the bad, the boring, the exciting— the vulnerable moments. and for the first time in their life, agent feels unsteady, confused, afraid (loved). 

their reassuring words, soft gazes, the feeling of safety— 

agent who doesn’t like the steadily growing weight in their chest, or the (ever)tightening of their lungs when in close proximity. agent who doesn’t know what love feels like. doesn’t want it, has no use for it. whose only known it as a weakness; something to be ripped out of someone for valuable intel, to cause pain. a means to an end.

agent who scoffs at the thought of it (love), so juvenile. denies it; they do not feel love. least of all for a group of soldiers. men dutiful to their country, their family and friends. honourable. unlike agent— spy. assassin. a contract for their skills, bound by money (and laswell’s persuasiveness). dishonourable. the worst of humanity.

so why does it feel like agent can’t breathe? suffocating. there is something in their throat.

agent who coughs out bloody petals and sharp thorns. eyes tearing and throat burning (agony). a desperate sob, and with it another flurry of beautiful petals and mangled thorns comes up.

nononononono— 

stupidstupidstupid— 

this isn’t how its supposed to be— 

they will never feel— 

agent feels love. 

˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚. ˚. ✦.˳·˖✶ ⋆.✧̣̇˚.

tric’s notes

i’ve had this rotting in my head for a couple months now. so enjoy this dumpster fire of words. also this is my first time deep diving into this type of writing so yehaw better late than never.

i plan to do a part ii, just dunno when it’ll be posted.

feel free to scream in the comments - would love to know your thoughts! feedback is always welcome and appreciated ♡︎

crossposted on ao3 (same username!)

[pielove123clan]

Verdell/Marrigold 15

Milly/Boss 13

Millicent/Fleshy 27

Answers are under the cut. It's really half assed and nothings been hashed out. I hope you enjoy reading anyways. I need new ocs. I need better ocs and I need to actually write I feel. I'm just apprehensive about things and getting overly emotional is scary, that includes writing. And if I let my emtions cloud my judgment, it isn't a good story. But again, that's what rough drafts are for. Creativity and writing, at least the best peices in my eyes, are supposed to be expressions of emotions and have a meaning. Fluff without a message, unrisky content, it's utter rubbish. Not to say they don't have their place either and sometimes its nice to turn the brain off, I personally am at risk and WILL AND HAVE overdone it. Over and over, this vapid comfort and fluff, but I struggle to get past that. It's utterly mediocre in my eyes and I need to go higher, do better, but that requires a breakthrough in my own personality, my habits, a lifestyle change and most importantly, effort. There are so many images that I want to show everyone but can I do it respectfully and with the due diligence? Its scary to suffer, its not nice, but a friend told me "everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear". I like that way of seeing things.

Can I really say I want something if I can't suffer a temporary pain enough for it? All I can really do right now is speak but I need action to back those words. I don't trust myself but we'll see whatever happens or comes up.

Thank you anyways for sending me the ask!

15 -Do they trust each other, why or why not?

I think they have a sense of trust between each other but also their secrets from each other, Marigold with her magic shovel and Verdell with his double life being a vigilante. They have not known each other for long but they think the other is pretty nice and upstanding person going to the same university. This isn't 'cannon' but ive held on to the idea of these two being housemates. Marigold is lieing because she doesn't want to get arrested or something because the shovel she has is probably illegal and she doesn't know Verdell that much. Letting him stay was done out out kindness and maybe pitty. Tthe house is emptier with her mother being in the hospital and her father going missing. Verdell is nice enough anyways ( he means well but his eagerness is a tad bit unnerving. was this a bad idea?)

I forgot what crack stuff I typed about vigilantes in this world, its legal as long as your identity is secret and the government will neither help nor interfere unless they become a problem for them? It can vary from state or teritory, whatever community regulations they want. Outwardly, the government won't govern these vigilantes until they become a probem to them. People have powers in this reality, it needs to be registered with their ID by law and it's only requried to be shared with medical professionals and I guess the police departments if requested. This also makes it easy, if you become a threat to the government, they can identify who has the ability or power in that area then they send maybe a special unit. Also, it's illegal to not register if you have an ability.

That being said, powers and abilities are treated like the "don't say gay" law where its 'don't ask, don't tell'. The unspoken rule of this society, most abilities aren't accepted by the and if you use them in person, the community will shun and dislike you. You might even get a misdemenor for causing a disturbance. The exception is if your able to market yourself, be seen as entertaining, talented and contributing to society, but those are only reserved to those who can stand out. Having an alternate idenity, stage name, moniker, those things are the safest.

Verdell is a vigilante and he's keeping his identity secret for the whole, "if my enemies know my secret, they can hurt me and the people I care about!" and he hasn't known Marigold for long. There's weird dents in the walls and some furniture seems hastily duct taped back together, the front door had to be repaired for some reason, but he was lucky enough to be allowed to stay somewhere nice with a roof over his head. Plus, Marigold was nice enough to even let a stranger or aquantince stay in a nice home. Verdell will do anything he can to repay that kindness back. ( Ask me again about this next time because I might re-write things. My brain is feeling murky but now I realize some contradictions and plot holes. Trying to juggle so many traits with him. Verdell doesn't want to be a giant burden so he'll make himself useful and help out in the house and the garden when he can! )

13. Do they have any distain/contempt for each other? How do they show it?

Milly has a lot of distain being tricked into a contract but she has to do it or else she may get blackmailed or go to jail. Organ trafficing and illegal surgeries on individuals is her job now, until she pays every cent of her tuition back through labor. Her hair is grey from this stress, they messed with her body, but outwardly showing contempt or hatred can't be done or it'll jeopardize her future. This is what she gets for wanting to avoid taking out a loan and going into student debt. Ontop of this, she needs to study and do the legitimate work for medical school. She's the black market organizations bitch and she feels utterly helpless. She can't say or do anything.

( that being said, I heard there was a program where the government will pay for your medical schooling if you work x amount of years in a hospital? i didn't know about it at the time of Milly's creation)

Her boss doesn't care, Milly's just another poor sap who's momentarily there for empolyment. She should be greatful their organization is paying for her education, making her dreams come true and setting her for life, all she needs is to play her part as a good little surgeon. They are doing a service letting these ungreatful undergrat brats fufill their clases, it ain't a bad deal having them receive some work experince. They survive their service and get the hell out of there. Milly is undeserving of whatever ability she got out of her surgery, its a waste. They're contemplating transplanting the organ out of her after she's done her service. If that kills her or disables her after the organ adapted to her body for long enough, tough luck. Doesn't matter.

Milly's just a tiny cog in the machine, why would they care? They don't, not even a subject in their mind, just a tiny blip.

27. How far would they go for each other? Would they risk their own lives for each other?

Unflinching for both of them, they would die for each other and risk their lives for each other. Fleshy has anger and violence issues due to where she used to come from and how she was created but shes like 7-8 (age kind of pending but Fleshy is a young child.) Milicent is trying to teach her out of wanting to 'punish' anything that does what she doesn't like.

Its a whole thing because Milicent's a person made up of multiple centipedes who evolved over the course of millions of years, starting back in the carboniferous period of the Earth. There are people after Fleshy so Milicent wouldn't hessitate to poison and consume them. It is self defence. Nothing will harm her adopted child over her dead body.

[bunny-heels]

ive talked about this so many times and im so sorry to bring it up again but i absolutely despise how youtubers approach and handle scary topics because its clear how many of them are actually just giant babies.

like, as an example: whenever i get recommended videos like "top # horrifying artists" or "the story of the most brutal movie", my tradition is to OPEN the video, but NOT watch it, then to skim through it to find out what the thing is theyre claiming is so bad, then i'll go look for it myself to see if its actually as scary as theyre gonna TRY to make it out to be, only to find out its literally the most kindergarten baby ghost story shit ive ever seen

i just got recommended a video about controversial banned horror games and really the only one that deserved to be on that list of genuinely scary games was Devotion, but it IS genuinely a horrifying game, the story is so fucked, and it has an actual interesting reason for it getting banned in another country [it had an easter egg that made fun of Kim Jong Un]

and then the rest of the list is soooo fucking boring. "this one horror game got BANNED" ok why "it was banned for being violent and scary" in what country "[names country that's known to ban games with violence and blood and gore]" ok what was the game

"left 4 dead 2"

like sorry that im being mean but if youre trying to make a scary video out of LEFT 4 DEAD 2 getting banned in a country that NORMALLY BANS THOSE TYPES OF GAMES cause their laws SUCK then you are just so fucking stupid. this isnt 1999 anymore, youre not a grandpa who just read an article about DOOM being the most brutal game out there. go watch the 2008 version of Martrys and play The Cat Lady and then maybe you'll be a big enough boy to talk about scary shit

[damnfandomproblems]

4144 not sure how to feel about the second half of that

But yeah. Its pretty frustrating when writers either 1. Dont set their boundaries before opening requests or 2. Dont set all of them

Ive had writers suddenly say they wont write something that was requested even thought it wasnt listed in what they wont write. And you know its fine, as someone who forgets alot, i get it. But when you then attack or ban the person who requested it just because you neglected/forgot to set that boundary, that just makes you a shitty person.

If someone requests something they couldnt possible have known you wouldn't like beforehand, that is on you.

What i find even worse is writers banning people who even like something they dont even though those people respected the writers boundaries and never tried talking or interacting with the writer about the thing, and/or have only really ever interacted with the writer through things like reblogging and liking. (stalking peoples blogs is not cool my dudes)

Like im sorry but peoples taste in fiction is not cause for a block when you write just as bad or arguably worse shit, and all people want to do is read what youve written. Not shove your triggers in your face. It is not comparable to being a nazi, terf, pro choice or whatever like that.

I think people get a lil too trigger happy with the block button when people barely even talk to them. Blocking harrasment or people who cant take no for an answer is one thing. Blocking for irl beliefs and stances is a second thing.

But over the fact one person like a type of dark FICTION you dont when you also like dark fiction which is still real gross irl? Touch grass. Even if you dont like dark fiction. If you block over shit like that when that person has made zero attempts to force it on you? Touch grass. Go outside and talk to a real person.

(yeah it was a real experience. Sad that person somehow thinks they are morally superior for liking incest compared to i *a csa survivor of incest* for enjoying fictional adultxminor. When i never even tried talking to em about it lmao. Even weirder when they would make tge little sibling weak, naive, and submissive *like a child* even though they are meant to be an adult. And it was like... Every character even canon ones. And even had ficcs where the older sibling groomed the other and its just? Huh??? Grooming is fine for fictional adults? But when its a fictional kid somehow its bad because of age? When they arent even real? I still think that person needs a therapist because they obviously dont understand how any of this shit works, and for all that repressed and internalized shit or whatever lmao)

Posting since this is a response to a previous problem.

[thec0untry]

realllllllyyy sentimental sentimental emotional personal

Idk why i feel the need to write it all out, it supplies some sort of catharsis to type everything and see it all in words. Coming to terms with the fact that i am still getting over a four-year whirlwind relationship with a girl who still in many ways is the girl of my dreams. We broke up a year and a half ago extremely amicably and responsibly, but the aftershocks of my entire life being uprooted have in no way ceased. We stayed close all through last year through the fucking absurdity of my gender tornado and my ultimate self destruction (which i am still in the early-middle stages of recovering from). The holistic rewiring that must be exacted following such a relationship/breakup (we were convinced through all four years that we would marry each other) has been such a long process, and my current emotional makeup makes so much more sense to me when i remember that i am still "getting over" all of it. Have only had one brush with love since then and that was more an extreme emotional/creative/personal alignment that ended in heartbreak and turmoil but also a friendship i am confident will last for my entire life. The way i always say it is that i can still remember the endless hours in the mornings when i would wake up before her and hold her in her bed, her body fitting perfectly in my arms, her strange breathing and her eyes as she woke, her sleepy voice and face, i can recall all of it immediately, the tenderest moments. This in varying forms for years. The deepest love and the warm knowledge that we shared every emotion for each other. And now the fact that i rationally understand but can't seem to really reckon with is that i will not feel that way again for a very long time. And it is not fair to whomever i am with to constantly measure my relationship with hypothetical new person to the relationship with her (of course when the true power and love returns it will be rapturous and nothing like anything i have ever felt). And at the same time she is continuing her life, and her growth has been staggering and beautiful to watch after we parted--painful, undoubtedly, but if our split was what she needed to grow then it was exactly necessary, i would never want to hold her back (i was). She is with a new boyfriend and this is good. But i can not shake the feeling: i am still here, and though the last time i saw her i realized that i am very much not in love with the person she has become, the fact of our relationship has left a universe-sized footprint on me. I am still here i am still here i am still here. But i feel like i am not, i feel like i am still in some interim, still living in the blast zone of our breakup and the abjection that followed it. Also knowing that she was the best person ive ever met, and though i do not love her now she is still one of the best and most powerful people i have ever known. And then comes the other fact that i spent the first half of this year convincing myself that i could somehow make her love me again, forgive me for all of the destruction i very publicly caused last year, somehow prove that getting back with me would not be an act of cowardice or backstepping. However It is not willed and this is a simple fact. But if she turned around and texted me right now something sweet and said she wanted to see me all amorous-like i would drop everything for her (perhaps not good because i do not really enjoy being around her anymore, but this is still true, i am not writing what i wish was true, i am writing what is true). Then the next question is: what next? I am a young man who feels love for everything and everyone very deeply and the answer of "dont think about falling in love" is not viable. I have tried that route again and again and it feels very bad. and so the answer i suppose is that i must strengthen even further, resolve all of my emotional hangups and potential immaturities, squash out my occasional suicidal flashes (which are obviously very alienating for people who love me), deepen my love for the world, for people, for art, forgo pride and inauthenticity,

increase my comfort and stability in the world and in social relations, increase my skill and power as an artist, fully live in my body, increase ruthless honesty with myself, understand all of my motives and learn to never hurt anyone on accident, be a little less intense, be kinder and more forgiving to myself, truly live, truly be alive and love being alive, and really really get over this breakup (which involves doing silly things like write big paragraphs on tumblr)--all around make myself the best potential boyfriend for the girl whom i love whom i havent met yet who is walking around right now. Man somehow writing all this out listening to my big ambient playlist has made me feel a lot better!

[trainsgenderfoxgirl2816]

Keir, I'm currently 16 but my birthday is at the end of November my zodiac sign I believe is Sagittarius

My favorite color is red for autism and Communism no Lucky number yes my father had a pitbull named smooches and my mother has a fluffy little lapdog named serenity ive lived in Seattle for most of my life but i was born in Orlando i dont know how tall i am bug im about 6 foot my foot size is known only too my mother and i have no idea how many shoes I have

Uh I'm pretty good with 3 dimensional visualization like very good, no I'm not really psychic but I do have pretty good pattern recognition, anything that toby fox makes, nimona, a transfem catgirl or a femboy (who else), yes but not for a long time, no Church wedding, yes I'm a moon worshiper and in getting into witchcraft, yes especially with my shitty health, no trouble with the law yet but that will change as soon as the revolution arrives, uh no celebrities, showers, black socks, no, no not really not for anything other like being a notable activist or revolutionary, i have autistic music taste, no, a single pillow, I sleep on my side, my mothers house is 4 bedroom 4 bathroom, my eating habits are very unusual, I have never fired a gun but i woild like to learn Second Amendment Rights, yes I have tried archery, Gay is my favorite word, and Fuck is my favorite swear word, the longest ive ebery gone without sleep i believe was 30 hours, yes im covered in scars and bruises from my health issues, HOW THE FUCK I AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF I HAVE SECRET ADMIRER?!, um I can lie very well but I really like to overshare so I'm also pretty bad at keeping the lie for a Long time, perhaps, as for my accent I have Echolalia so I collect accents, my personality type is gay autistic transgender Communist, my most expensive piece of clothing is idk, my tongue I don't know what a curled tongue looks like, innie, I might actually be ambidextrous since I wrote equally shitty with both hands, kinda scared of spiders, BBQ RIBS, uh, I am a trash possum, my most used phrase is either train good car bad or fuck around and find out, my most used might be fuck, it takes me 5-90 minutes to get ready, used to have a gifted kid ego but it got popped, I crush lollipops, OF COURSE I TALK TO MYSELF ITS WEIRD NOT TOO, Yes I sometimes, shockingly good singer, biggest fear is fascism or climate change destroying everything i care about, gossip?, uh I don't watch most movies, long hair short hair feels vile, I can name all 50 states the periodic table too but I won't, probably either history or geometry cause I'm weird, Introvert Peopling is exhausting, nope never SCUBA dived but my dad has, climate anxiety, um sometimes it depends on wether or not I see something moving, yes I am the epitome of Um Actually 🤓, no not really, uh no I don't know enough people for that, no not really, no ive never drunk any alcohol the smell makes me feel sick, no but i woild very much like too when i turn 21, uh this girl in some of my classes and that might not have been a crush since I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, no piercings yet but want to get my septum pierced, no I cannot roll my Rs, I have no clue how typing speed is measured, i think that fastest ive ever ran was about 6 mph, my hair is a coppery brown but i want to dye it red or pink or maybe Miku blue, my eyes are blue and so is part of my sclera (most people have white sclera), I might have MCAS so I'm allergic to whatever my body decides it doesn't like that it doesn't like, no I do not well technically I do for one of my classes, my father is a software engineer he worked at Amazon for 12 years and worked at Grindr until they did union busting and he is looking for a new job, no i do not like being 16 i feel powerless, CAPITALISM I HATE CAPITALISM AND CAR DEPENDENCY

I do not like my given name so I made a new one from my middle name, yes I have and it's all the most non binary ass names youve ever heard like fern, moss, cedar etc, don't care as long my children are queer, my strengths are unintentional charisma, pattern recognition, a vast array of surprisingly specific knowledge, etc, my weaknesses uh I'm in constant pain, I have trauma and shit, I have a tendency to lash out, I'm also stubborn, and in not as open minded as I wish I was, and I can't fucking write and I can barely read,

My chosen name is derived from my middle name,

My ancestors were not royalty they were farmers from Ukraine and Belarus more specifically they were Wolgadeutsche,

I am covered in Scars, Bruises and stretch marks because I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and a skin picking disorder of some kind, my bed spread is all the colors, and my room is Tuscon Red

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[solardick]

So she’s the girl I’m supposed to come out of the closet to. Sorry girl. Im a queer now. Ive be fagetized. Im going to be alone to the end of dsys now. And this typing is going to continue to be only thing to talk too. Too bad its corrupted by shadow assholes. B cause im just here to be fucked and nothing else. Its the whole readon of being alive. Just being fucked whike having no participation in life.

Dorsnt matter ill be dead soon anyway. If not this year. Then its the next. Or the year after that. But, its comming soon.

I dont want to be apart of a workd tgat promotes torture to suicide as a divine thing. The workd is too fucked ip and corrupted to live in anyway.

I dont care about having a single human connection with anyone anymore.

She’s a burnt out loser. Im a burnt out loser. Whos been fucked for over the last 26 years. Hope she isnt expecting much.

So you’re going to hook me up with the one human race i have zero sexual interest in. Uh.

So human beings have body hair, for the reason of disgust. By-passing the disgust factor trigger tgat keeps moderation on sexual practices. “i wouldn’t eat out a hairy pussy. That shits disgusting!” “ i would sate a girl woth hairy legs or a beard! That shot is disgusting!” When the hornanal starts to fluctuate and activate there is little in the way to jeep the conscious didposition seperate from the instinctual.

I dont want to be apart of a world thst does nothing but lie to me everydingle day. While preaching about the war of misinfiration. And the gay catalyst war with russia.

So far so good, i honestly can’t tell if she’s playing me or not. But she wants sex. And im even less capable bow then o was before.

But, i guess she can take my slut aspects for herself. I don’t want to do that but, whatever. Like anyone cares.

Not much to say on my dearh bed but. Im done. Im beaten. I was born. Fell doemwb the stairs. End of story.

Fuess im not sleepign again either. Too bad i cant lose my job uh? Get fired for sleep deprivation. Sotty until i stop havign a vagina. I cant function.

I dont think im

Going to work anymore. Think im just going to

Stop. Dont rhink j can hold a job anymore. Alchohol and suicide. Indint have a choice. Being abused into suicide.

I almost dies again yesterday.

You come to terms with the fact your being murdered by your entire comminity.

Hahjaah im being murdered. And no one gives a shit.

A bottle of hard stuff and a noose and my problems are over.

Everytime the world puts itself over me to do

What it whats. Which has been a whole. Counting 40 years of never failing. Its never once worked out to my benefit.

Most of it is displacing me from place to place. Being beaten on. Half the time, unfairly. Being drugged. And now wrll its always been to this purpose for the last 20- years or so. Always setting me up to fall. And noone ever coming in to be on my side in anything. If it doesnt allow thrm to be over me one way or another. Even if its just conversationally. Watching ehile everyone knows thinking your an idiot. Not knowing whats comming. Ive known for almost 20 years. God, the internal one, tood me in a dream. All those years ago. As i stand here and watch you guys rape my existance. For something indont even deserve. I dotn want to be alive anymore. So that other people can feel supperior over me. Thats all life has ever been.

If my family ever cared about me they wouldnt have beaten me into suicide.

And the world is never going ti stop fucking with me. I dont have much of a choice but to kill myself do i?

Should tell ger that to. To stay away from me for her own protection. Save that they come after her for supporting me. But she’s in on it anyeay. Somi doesnt matter does it?

Born cursed by this demon. Never knowing what life is. My entire existance. I cant do it anymore.

Wonder if after this their going to beat me into

Another beligerent mess ao they can have an excuse to be me some more.

Should have fucken killed myself when i tirned 35 like i said i would.

What do you mean, the cameras in my appartment watching me every moment of everyday. Zero privacy. So it’s constant pressure. Cant really do anything.

What the childhood sex addiction i had when i was a child. That ruined my life? Killed another life, And the harmed lives of the ones i loved. I dont think i know hoe to live ithout having n addiction.

Your an alcholic whis been sober for the last 25 years? Hey, man i got a case of 24. Want a beer?

Hey you know what. Im going to leave this bottle of whisky here. While me and all my friends treat you like dog shit. And record you.

Well i coild try wuitting smoking again. Gives them one less …someword, to dose me with.

Liok at what it turned my family into. A bunch if inbred retards. Bent on demonic spychopathic, sociopathis bs. And look at what its fone to the rest of the community around me. Turned all of them into the same. Fueled by bs. Acting on bs. Running on hatred. And they all play into it like a bunch of fucken idiots. Slave to thus demon running their lives.

If this continues for much longer i

Not going to survive.

Wow. Im turninf into an asshole. Start shittinf on everyone.

Paid suspension.

What are you doing here. Get out if my van im noy done yet. No, get out im not done yet. Complaint. Fucken femmes.

After listening for 10 months of cursing and swering and throwing shit around. Sexual and racial derogatories. Yeah ok.

Everyone can treat me

Like

Dog shit and rape my existance. Blow dhit out of proportion. Add in their own bs. But, i cant even do anything.

Oh well back to warhammer. Kill some lowlives. Still being fucked. Iust like childhood.

And if and when inmake complaints like yhat. It gets blown right out the window. Doesnt matter.

[unwellcryptid]

hi. im an artist who isnt really an artist so much as a guy who happens to draw.

i also have a myriad of illnesses and conditions that fuck with my ability to do that, or to enjoy it.

ive been having a very difficult time making anything i wanna make recently. i say recently, but it wasnt that recent honestly- back in, what, 2020 or 2021, i developed a repetitive strain injury in both my arms, afflicting the muscles responsible for closing my hands and the down motion- both things you kinda need to do when you draw.

i should clarify that i didnt develop this because i was drawing excessively- i cant say ive ever drawn excessively, i dont think im capable quite honestly- but because of how i held myself at all times all the time for basically my entire life.

the RSI (abbreviated for repetitive strain injury because thats A Lot To Type) is responsible for my chronic pain. i hear some people can recover totally from an RSI, but alas i am not one of them.

i started drawing in 2016, and i had decided very strictly to draw Something every single day due to instruction from the artists i learned from, and i had largely done that.

but part of my (attempted) recovery from my RSI was not being able to draw. i knew, before it even began, that if i stopped drawing for very long, i would have an extremely hard time picking it back up.

(this had happened before, in smaller ways. if i didn't draw for a week or two, drawing was a major struggle and i enjoyed it way less, so i didnt draw as much. i almost had to force myself to draw just so i could build a pattern to enjoy it again. the RSI recovery was worse, i wouldnt be able to do anything for months, even if i wanted to.)

and as i predicted, when i stopped drawing for that long, i found it nearly impossible to pick drawing back up. this struggle has continued to this day- ive never been able to draw every day anymore- not helped by the fact the RSI never went away, so drawing can be physically painful if im not careful- but it isnt ONLY the RSI messing me up.

i realized i formed a very strained relationship to creating drawings itself.

its kind of hard to talk about, because i feel totally alone in having this problem. every artist ive ever known or even heard of has all said the same thing, that making art is part of who they are. theyve been doing it naturally, even if they havent been drawing since childhood, its still an easy and simple thing for them to do. most talk about how art got them through depressive episodes and bad parts of life, or how it helps them work through their emotions, or how its part of them recovering energy after a long day.

its none of those to me. drawing has always been a strain, a second step i take in my creativity that i work very, very hard to do. it takes energy, it causes pain, and usually it didnt help me with my emotions. that was never the point of me drawing.

i suspect the reasons why im struggling with art are complex and varied and i feel like its almost impossible to talk about with artists. they never get it, especially not professionals, especially not healthy ones.

so i guess i made a tumblr blog about it. because i wanna talk about it, and the best i can do is make my own space for it.

im not gunna post art here, but the plan is to post about art, and about how i'm handling it, about why i'm feeling this way, and how i'm doing with it day-to-day. i think that might help

[heybaetae]

i don't think its cus ur shitty but probably more cause they see u have a big heart and thats def something ppl take advantage of. sometimes we just meet ppl, good or bad for us so i wouldn't put it on urself too much esp if u know you're not toxic like that. ive also been getting the short end of the stick when it comes to friends & maybe i'm projecting but thats what it feels like. its crazy how much words can hurt esp said at the wrong time, while maybe the person who said it didn't see it that way. it's how they react to u telling them it hurt u, will show you the type of person they are. the irony is i never really do express how i feel and the 1 time i did it, the person took no accountability :) they felt like they can choose when their actions/words hurt someone when thats not the case at all. maybe they didn't /intend/ to but it could still happen & thats what they couldn't get at all. question tho, u have online friends right? do u only consider them online friends or are they just friends in general? (more so talking about the ppl u know by name and talk w/ often) asking cus i known someone online for a few yrs & got super close but recently they're treating me like i'm not apart of their life (barely hear from them, leaves me hanging for days before they reply) so im kinda backing off and it doesnt seem like they care tbh. now i feel like i'm just someone they know "online"

oof yeah you’re really hitting the nail on the head about the selective accountability thing. i can’t believe how hard it is for some people to acknowledge that they might have hurt someone with their words or actions. when someone’s pride outweighs their ability to own up to their mistake and let someone be vulnerable with them about how they made them feel. how do you expect anyone to ever trust you when you can’t do that? when you’d rather someone live with a bad version of you in their head instead of apologizing and making an effort to do better?

i do have online friends. most of my friends now are online ones. like i said earlier, the pandemic really kinda messed with the real life friendships i had (which ironically started as online friendships anyway) and with growing up, people drift apart or move away. i consider some online friends much closer than others, as you do depending on how much you talk and how much you let them in. i’ve learned to be a little more careful about it though because i’ve been burned by people. i’m a lot more reserved about it these days, but my best friend of twelve years is someone i met online and we’ve only met in person once because we live in different states, but he’s practically my soulmate and we can go days or weeks without talking and nothing changes. we have excellent communication too. i’ve had online friendships that were close but have fizzled out naturally and i get how it feels when that happens, it can be confusing when you realize maybe they were more important to you than you were to them 🥲

[xxmourningdove666xx]

GRABS YOU AND SHAKES YOU spill the Cyril lore

okay hi hello i dont know the exacts of what you wanna know so i will indulge abt the parts of his lore ive been most focused on rn: his relationship with dustin (this will be deepest lore type shit)

so, theres a huge trigger warning for abusive relationships past this point so whoops. ill try to keep everything vague though

so!! dustin was the second man cyril ever dated, and this was in college. they met some time their first year and cyril wouldnt necessarily say they hit it off but well- he's not the strongest when a cute guy decides he's gonna flirt with him. honestly, i think it says something abt cyril that he didnt exactly fight the dude away even though he wasnt the biggest fan of him but, well, i feel like its understandable after noting this dude was like a whole ass volcel who barely took care of himself after finding the first guy he dated's dead body dumped in an alley so- you take what you can get as a disheveled mess of a person.

anyways, i feel like i dont discuss just how shitty of a guy cyril was for a lot of their relationship. like, you can definitely sympathize with him but idk- (trying so hard to keep myself from spilling every sin ive written into this story) he was a pretty damn closed off guy to dustin and its understandable why, between the fact he was pressured into the relationship and the fact he was taught to view emotions as inherently bad, and idk- i think they were both better off never having gotten together and sure i wrote them but i also didnt if you know the Deepest deepest lore (this relationship is based on one of my own :p ((yes half my oc lore is venting)))

anyways that aside i like talking abt how cyril's disability actually effects his day to day and i just- so dustin was killed because cyril shot him yeah? i feel like it should be known that was 100% a lucky shot, this dude has shit aim 99.9% of the time and elijah absolutely mocks him relentlessly, of course its important to note that their entire dynamic when it comes to fighting though is tank x dps lmaoooo theyre silly lil guys. regardless, cyril cant see out of one of his eyes which does make a lot of shit regarding needing depth perception difficult as all hell. if he really tried he could probably overcome the whole "shit ass aim" thing but he also doesnt mind being the one with terribad aim considering elijah is a trained sniper regardless, he has the whole demonic strength thing going for him, he'll be fine.

but yeah idk this probably only caused more questions actually so uh- oops-

[muffinbeliever]

Neighborly Love [01]

Pairing: Coworker!Dean Winchester x Coworker!Reader

Word Count: 2100

Warnings: minor language, dean is a dick

Summary: Coworker!AU– Dean Winchester is the newbie around the office, and also your new cubicle neighbor. You have him all figured out from the start: a jerk, or so you think. It doesn’t help that he won’t stop flirting with you. Will Dean be able to convince you otherwise? 

A/N: hello hello hello I KNOW IVE BEEN GONE but i wrote this for my narrative writing class with the intention of turning it into a fanfic so technically ive been writing ! it was originally for the coworker au square in my fluff bingo board, but the more i write it, the more i want it to be a regular series so here it is!

Masterlist | Neighborly Love Masterlist 

The corner cubicle offered you only one neighbor, and the departure of the cubicle’s last occupant, Adam, left a cold, empty feeling inside of you. While you had only known each other for a month, it still hurt when he had suddenly left without even saying goodbye. For the past couple of weeks, you wished there was someone next door for you to talk with and mildly complain to, but today you welcomed the solitude. 

After catching your boyfriend of two years in bed with another girl the night before, you seriously considered calling in sick today. The last thing you wanted to do was work. What you really wanted to do was bundle up in blankets and wallow in bed, but you knew that if you were at home, all you would do is replay the sight of your now ex-boyfriend in bed with that blonde girl, and you would rather stab yourself with a rusty fork than relive that disaster. 

So, you went to work. 

It was Monday– the Mondayest Monday if you ever knew one. You woke up bleary-eyed and puffy-faced thirty minutes after your alarm supposedly went off. You burned your thumb making coffee and tripped on an overturned corner of your rug on the way out. Traffic was a bitch, and it took you ten minutes to find a parking spot. And now, like icing on the cake, your supervisor, Chuck, was headed your way. You quickly opened the first file on your desktop so you weren’t caught staring at a blank screen. Chuck’s monotonous voice met your ears and you turned to face him, only to meet his back. 

“This is your desk. You can decorate it however you want, I really don’t care,” he said flatly, addressing the person in front of him. You huffed, your chair swiveling back to the computer. You had been eagerly waiting for a new neighbor, but not today. Any day but today. 

“Too bad I left all my Playboy posters at home,” a deep voice responded. 

It was a guy. A crude, cocky guy if his poor taste in jokes was any indication. You internally groaned. You had encountered so many guys just like him– in fact, you just dated one. You knew exactly who he was even before saying hello.

“It’s time for my break. Don’t bother me unless it’s urgent.” Chuck left without waiting for a response, leaving you alone with the mystery man.

Your eyes stayed glued to the screen in front of you, but you barely registered its contents. Instead, you focused on the cubicle to your right. 

The partition blocked him from your view, but you heard a thump! as his box was set down, causing your desk to tremble under your fingertips. The faint scent of his cologne wafted past. There was clinking as objects were moved around, followed by the distinct sound of papers shuffling.

You debated on introducing yourself and giving him the benefit of the doubt, but a larger, more stubborn part of you wanted nothing to do with him, certain he was exactly the type of guy you expected. You heard your mother’s voice, chastising you for judging a book by its cover, and you felt a momentary lapse of guilt, knowing that your parents would be disappointed by your actions. In hopes of masking the small, fleeting bout of shame, you convinced yourself that you were being a good person by letting him settle in quietly, rather than overwhelming him with introductions and questions. 

Caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t notice the silence that fell over the neighboring cubicle. What you did notice, however, was the distinct sound of the mystery man clearing his throat, which snapped you back to reality. Irked by his sudden intrusion, you spun in your chair to face him, but your witty retort died on your lips when you saw him.

His eyes were intensely green and twinkled under the harsh fluorescents– although, how that was even possible was lost on you. Freckles dotted the bridge of his nose like paint lightly splattered against canvas. His short, dark hair was softly spiked, and his lips quirked into a teasing smirk when he caught you staring. 

“Like what you see?” He asked, in a smooth, flirtatious tone that you were certain he had perfected over the years of picking up women. Your laugh was cold.

“I’d like it a lot better if you let me go back to work,” you snapped. He raised a dark brow. 

“Just so we’re on the same page, when you say ‘work’, you mean staring at a three-year-old document and not working, right?” He gave you a pointed look. 

Your head whipped to the screen, mentally cursing when you saw the date; he was right. It was an outdated spreadsheet of the company’s clients. 

“Do you want something? Or did Chuck just hire you to annoy me?” You huffed, steering the conversation away from your blatant lie.

“Please,” he scoffed, “Chuck doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you, or me, or the company. That dude is here for one thing and one thing only: the money. I, however, will take your number, since you’re offering.” He gave you a cliche wink. You blinked. 

“I wasn’t,” you bit back. 

“No?” He cocked a dark brow. “You asked if I wanted something, and that’s what I want,” he stated plainly. “Unless you’re more of a let’s-not-talk-it’s-just-sex type of girl,” he added. “Then, I don’t need your number, just a time and a place.” Your eye twitched as you restrained yourself from slapping the shit-eating grin off his face. 

“How about you do both of us a favor and go fuck yourself,” you snapped, before turning back to your desk. 

“Only if you’re there to watch,” came his cheeky response. 

You clenched your jaw and took a deep breath, coming to the conclusion that you should’ve stayed in bed this morning. One look at Chuck’s closed door was enough to convince you that it wasn’t too late to do just that. You made quick work of turning off your computer and grabbing your things before making your way to the elevator, not sparing the green-eyed man a second glance. 

The next morning, you were ready. You had given yourself a pep-talk in the bathroom mirror about stupid manwhores and shitty green-eyed men. You strutted down the lines of cubicles in a pair of heels that you affectionately referred to as your Fuck You Platforms. You imagined breezing by him to your desk, but your best-laid plans crumbled at the sight of his empty chair. His computer was on, and there was a steaming mug of black coffee next to a bag of Hershey’s Kisses. You huffed in annoyance. If anyone could unknowingly ruin plans, it would be him. 

You stepped into your side of the partition, and your gaze immediately honed in on the little silver-wrapped chocolates carefully placed on your desk spelling out, “SRY.”

“What the,” you muttered, setting your bag down so you could better inspect the treats. There was no note, but you had a sneaking suspicion of who had left them. You threw them by the handful onto the desk of the neighboring cubicle before settling into your chair, hoping at least one of them landed in his coffee. You scrolled through your email and forwarded project updates to Chuck even though you knew he never bothered to read them.

Chuck was single-handedly the most incompetent supervisor you’d ever had. He never bothered to check in on projects nor did he enforce deadlines. He only cared about the long line of zeros on his paycheck. You didn’t blame him, though. You also would only do the bare minimum and get paid for it if you could.

A couple of minutes passed before heavy footsteps and a familiar scent of cologne grew close. 

“I see you didn’t like my apology,” he noted, gesturing towards your empty desk. Then he spotted the candy strewn about his desk. “I guess you didn’t like my Kisses, either,” he added.

He swiped the twenty-or-so chocolates into his hand and placed them back in the bag. You watched him from the corner of your eye as he sipped his coffee, and you smiled when he frowned at the mug.

“I don’t take candy from strangers,” was your simple reply. You opened the spreadsheet for your current project, trying to ignore the man next to you.

“I’m actually your coworker. Technically your neighbor. Hardly a stranger,” he corrected, much to your frustration. 

“Jesus Christ, do you ever stop talking? I have shit to do! You and I both know we’re only here to work. We don’t have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya,” you exclaimed, exasperated. 

“You’re too young to hate your job and be bitter about it,” he stated, after a beat of silence. You rolled your eyes.

“You don’t even know me.”

“And you don’t know me, but that doesn’t stop you from making assumptions, huh?” You wasted no time responding. 

“Actually, I know exactly who you are. You realized in college that you could use your good looks and cheesy lines to get girls into bed, and once that happens, you either wham-bam-thank you ma’am her, or you keep sleeping with her until she catches feelings for you, and then one day you decide to give in to her advances and date her for two years before getting bored and fucking the next girl who will spread her legs for you!” 

Your throat burned as tears brimmed your eyes, threatening to fall. You stared at his green eyes that were widened with shock from your outburst, and took a deep breath before continuing

“Now, can I get back to my spreadsheet, or are you going to keep bothering me?” You had barely turned back to your desk before the man next to you spoke. 

“So… I’m guessing you got cheated on?” Hesitation laced his voice. You was hit by a wave of guilt, and your shoulders dropped as you slumped in defeat. You shuffled your feet until you were facing him once again before giving him a sheepish smile.

“What gave it away?” You tried to joke, but your voice cracked, and you were unsuccessful in your attempt to swallow the lump in your throat. You turned away and hastily wiped away a stray tear that had escaped. 

“Here,” he said, offering you a tissue. You accepted it without a fuss.

“Thanks.” 

A beat of silence passed. 

“Sorry for being a bitch,” You started, but the green-eyed man shrugged. 

“Trust me, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there before.”

“Right,” You scoffed in disbelief. “Like anyone would cheat on you.” He shrugged again.

“You’d be surprised.” He stuck his hand out before you could respond. “Dean.” 

You stared at the extended hand. The guilt was back and bigger than before. Maybe you were being a tad bit irrational. With a sigh, you shook his hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Such a pretty name for a pretty girl.” Dean winked. You quickly retracted your hand from his grasp. You began to berate yourself for being foolish and doubting your instincts, but stopped once you saw the mirth sparkling in his green eyes. 

“Funny,” you said, not finding it funny in the slightest. 

“Sorry,” he winced. “Too soon?” 

“Yeah, I think one day is too soon.” He let out a low whistle.

“Yikes. I figured it was pretty raw, but not that raw.” He reached into the bag of Kisses and gently placed a handful on the corner of your desk. “You definitely need these more than I do.” 

“Thanks, I always wanted pity chocolates,” you said, sarcasm dripping from your voice. He gave you a knowing look and you rolled your eyes before unwrapping a Kiss and popping it in your mouth. You tried to hide your sigh of relief from the silky chocolate, but Dean caught it right away.

“Good, huh?” He sported a triumphant smile. 

“Not bad,” You admitted, a hint of a smile dancing on your lips. The silence was long. You cleared your throat before it could get awkward. 

“I’m gonna,” you motioned towards your screen, “You know.” 

“Of course,” he said dramatically, grasping at his chest. “Your spreadsheet awaits.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. You rolled your eyes at his childish antics, before turning to your desk and getting back to work. 

Taglist: @akshi8278 @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @lanea-1 @slamminmine @bluedragonflylady @cevans-winchester

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[ventiskies]

when he accidentally injures you | Xiao, Albedo, Bennett

a/n: hello anon!! im doing well, thank you!! hope you are too !! thank you for giving me the chance to add characters HHHH ive been DYING to write for Xiao, Albedo and Benny so i took the opportunity to! hope you like it !! also,,, this is probably my longest post !! i loved writing this <3

pairing: Xiao x gn! reader, Albedo x gn! reader Bennett x gn! reader

warnings: vague mentions of injury and blood

Xiao

★Xiao and you had been on a stroll, something you casually did together whenever Xiao was in a good mood. the adeptus wasn’t one to get out of the confines of Wangshuu Inn, so every time he does, you cherish it and spend it as if it was your last

★but this particular stroll didn’t go as planned, at all

★the two of you had left Wangshuu Inn in the morning, when the weather had seemed as if it would be sunny the whole morning, but it had betrayed you the moment you had set foot in Minlin, the skies had loomed with darkness and occasional rumbles of thunder

★Xiao could have easily teleported the two of you together, but a sudden attack with a ruin hunter had caused him to get distracted

★he could easily defeat the creation with a simple use of his elemental burst, but you were in the vicinity and he didn’t want you getting injured, despite the chances of hitting you were low, he wasn’t going to take the chance

★he had strictly told you to stay back and out of sight, making use of the terrain to jump and strike at the core with his polearm whenever the hunter was aiming to him, but he should have known you were stubborn

★the moment you had ran into the fight, arrow pointing to the ruin hunter, the said war machine had immediately turned towards you, all four of its arms aiming missiles towards you

★Xiao had been too slow, and when he had realized it was aiming towards you, you had already been sent back flying after the hit

★your name fell on his lips, his eyes widening in anger when he had seen what the creature had done, and without any hesitance Xiao summons his elemental burst and sends the creature falling to pieces

★“y/n,” Xiao mutters, worried that he would be met with the sight of you dead, “y/n, where are you?”

★you gave a weak groan, unable to raise your head after hitting it on the sharp rocks. Xiao made his way towards you, and the rain started pouting

★Xiao knelt down and cradled your head gently, seeing the gash on your head. you were most likely suffering from a concussion as well from the way you were unable to look at him in the eye, and your hands grabbing your forehead as if it had exploded

★his eyes showing evident worry, and this was the first time he had felt so scared

★he knew he was powerful, and he was beginning to regret even taking you out of the safety of the Inn. this shouldn't have happened, he was with you because he wanted to protect you,

★and here he was being the cause of your injury

★“y/n, can you hear me?” he asked, and when you hissed the moment he placed a gentle hand on your head, he curses lightly, unable to keep himself calm as he always had anymore, “hold on,”

★Xiao had lived for years and had suffered watching deaths and injuries of the people he had been close with since he had became the adeptus of Liyue, but for once, he had felt a different type of hurt when you had been injured this time

★because this was his fault; what if it had happened again?

★he had teleported the two of you back to Wangshuu Inn, and had asked Verr Goldet to help you just because he was afraid of hurting you further

★and she knew more than to question what happened, especially after Xiao had told her with the weakest voice she has ever heard him use, and pleading eyes to take care of you.

★when you had healed completely, you noticed Xiao had distanced himself from you more than when you had both met the first time, and it had worried you to no end

★it had came to a point where he would disappear whenever you tried to search for him at the balcony, and you were getting upset that he was running away from you because of the accident that was caused by your stubbornness; and the fact that you knew Xiao blamed himself had only made you more guilty

★”Xiao,” you gently said, walking outside with a bowl of his favorite almond tofu, “I miss you,”

★he had to contain himself to avoid disappearing on you again after he heard the words. Xiao wasn’t much of an emotional person, but the memories from the accident had left him afraid of getting close to you again, in fear that he would hurt you once more

★but when he had met your glossy eyes and saw the pained expression you held, he knew that it was only going to be worse is he had avoided you

★”y/n-” Xiao started, but you had only dropped the almond tofu and ran into his arms, hugging him tight as if you were afraid to let him go

★and (with reluctance), Xiao had hugged you back, twice as hard

★it would take time for him to get back to his usual self and trust himself to go out and adventure with you again, but for him, you would wait your lifetime.

Albedo

★An experiment going wrong was a part of alchemy. It was something Albedo would expect to happen fifty percent of the time he conducts something for the first time

★He has gotten a handful of injuries from it that he had sometimes forgotten that people outside of the realm of alchemy wouldn't know what it would be like to expect a burn or scars after the first test

★So of course, sometimes even the smartest people could be careless

★Albedo had brought you to his lab in Dragonspine, claiming that he had found a rare plant and wanted to see if it was able to withstand heat

★Putting it in a flask, he had placed it on a test tube holder and your curious eyes had caught sight of the glowing pink tube

★“What’s this?” you stepped closer to inspect the glowing flask, and Albedo wordlessly looks at you with a fond smile. your curious gaze at his work had always made him feel happy; you truly were endearing

★Albedo turns on the burner, and the moment the fire had hit the flask, the substance had instantly exploded, causing you to recoil back and grab at your face when the substance had burned your face

★instantly, Albedo had abandoned his failed test and attended to you, trying to pry your hands away from your face

★“My love, I’m so sorry,” he says gently, trying to see the damage that the explosion has gave you, “please look at me,”

★you felt tears well in your eyes, the burns on your cheeks combining with the coldness of the snow stinging your face

★when Albedo had successfully pried your hands away , he grabbed them gently and looked at you, “we- we need to see the deaconess,” he mutters to himself, feeling his heart ache seeing you holding back tears, never in his life had he regretted conducting an experiment so badly;

★he had wished he was able to take the pain away from you, he absolutely despised seeing you so hurt

★after you had healed, Albedo would make a rule that you weren’t ever allowed in the premises of his laboratory ever again, and that you were banned from joining him whenever he was conducting experiments

★it had hurt you when Albedo had adamantly decided on it, but you knew that it would only hurt him more if you tried to fight him about it

★he was still blaming himself for the incident; despite him knowing that errors were completely common in alchemy

★his greatest fear was hurting you, and if he was given a choice, he would rather have you far away as possible from anything that could lead to potential harm

★(and that especially meant that when the time comes and he loses control and destroys Mond, he hopes you would be far away from him as possible, too)

Bennett

★Bennett knew he was bad luck, he knew that was mostly the reason there wasn't anyone on his team. no one wanted to get hurt and gain nothing on an adventure. no one wanted to bring a bunch of medical supplies for when an accident that was bound to happen, happens

★no one but you

★you were the only member in Bennett’s team; you were a duo. you didn’t wield a vision, but that didn't make Bennett think of you any less, in fact, he thought you were the bravest person ever for being just a feet away from him outside of Mond, and now you were a team member of his

★injuries were common for you. there would always be some sort of scratch or bleeding whenever you went out on an adventure with the pyro vision holder. if there wasn’t a monster encounter, the two of you would accidentally trip and fall into a lake

★but when the latter happens, Bennett would have a fire for the two of you, and settle in an empty (at least, you hope was) hilichurl camp nearby to warm up in

★it was the norm now, and despite Bennett wanting you to just choose another team because he couldn't handle seeing you in pain from his luck, you had always reassured him that the unexpected turns of events because of his luck was just what you had loved about adventure, and you always trusted him to take care of you whenever something like that happened

★but of course, it was only a matter of time until it was Bennett himself who had hurt you

★you were both fighting a cryo abyss mage, the bastard’s protective shield already broken by Bennett’s elemental skill, causing the creature to start crawling on the ground pathetically

★you were sure its health had already decreased a significant amount that one slice could kill it off instantly, and you had wanted to give the final blow

★but Benny seemed to have a different idea

★the moment Bennett had saw you coming, it had been too late for him to stop, because the same moment you had ran towards the abyss mage, he had raised his sword and sliced the creature hard to the point that his sword had accidentally sliced your stomach as well

★thankfully, your clothes were thick enough that the cut hadn’t been deep enough to get stitches, but it still hurt so badly that you had fallen to the floor, clutching your stomach

★“y/n, what happened?!” he asked, too worried to remember that it had been him who did it, “are you okay?!- wait, no, that was a stupid question, let me see,”

★Bennett was an excellent team leader, but sometimes, he could be a little oblivious

★he gently lays you on his lap, taking out supplies from his belt. he had saw a glimpse of red, so he takes out towels to wipe the blood

★he had gently asked if he could lift your shirt, and when you had weakly nodded, he assessed the damage

★and that was when he had saw the burns by your cut

★burns. the abyss mage was a cryo one, and there wasn't any source of fire where you were but him

★Bennett felt his breath hitch, hands holding the towel clenching in fear. what had he done?

★“no, no, no,” he says in slight panic; this was exactly what he was afraid would happen, “no, no, y/n I’m so sorry. I was supposed to protect you,” his voice broke, gently pressing the towel on your wound to soak up the blood, and when he heard you hiss in pain, he felt tears well in his eyes, “I’m so sorry...”

★he knew the cut wasn’t deep, and you were going to be okay, but the mere thought that the fact you couldn't move and were in pain was because of his doing had caused Bennett to be unable to focus

★you were taken to Barbara immediately, Bennett carrying you bridal style the whole way back (he had been silent, while you had tried to start a conversation with lighthearted banter with him, he had only given you a half hearted laugh before focusing on his journey back) and was healed with a simple swish of the deaconess’ hands

★but afterwards, Bennett had started to spend less time outside of Mondstadt, saying that he had preferred to read at the library with you, and that was extremely unlike of him

★you knew it was because he was blaming himself for what had happened, so you had to let him know that you were fine, and that you knew that it was bound to happen anyways

★It would take a lot of reassurance for Benny to agree to even step a foot outside again, but in the end, it would be worth it to see his adventurer spirit once more