#cause some parts of it taste and feel so different from other parts and theres some parts you just cant eat at all etc its so hard

[jtbb]

does anyone else get Really Stressed Out when their food is like a Bunch of Different Stuff all on one plate like i need my food to be just the same ingredients within every bite or else i will explode

[spaceytoxinz]

saw your gideon edit and the comment you made saying you associate him with industrial music (iirc) and I think thats really unique.. what genres or artists do you associate with the other exes + if you have any more for gideon him too im really interested in these playlists...

JOYOUS OCCASION.

I do have a gideon playlist though, pretty short but i feel like it gets his general vibe across [imo]. I made it like last year i think. Its the only one i have besides the 2 playlists i have for my oc

continuing with Gideon though, he reminds me of industrial because in different medias he’s associated with either Indie/pop rock or techno. So i just slapped industrial onto him because it sits pretty well in the middle of the two. because im cringe like that]. Industrial, some electropunk [not rlly msi ripoff bands, more like Elias and the Error], general EBM, new wave and ofc the obvious techno/pop rock. I also chose industrial because of the raw, edgier themes songs usually tend to revolve around. His main artists would be like, NIN, Death Spells, KMFDM probably, Depeche Mode, etc. Though ik he bumps Hamburger Lady once in a while /j [also some songs by Romeo Santos cause bros kinda insane about his relationships]

Matthew Patel is musicals [i wasn’t much of a theatre kid i only sang my parts when my friends would randomly perform Heathers outside of class in midde school. I was never super invested in musicals though.] and emo music. He honestly kinda reminds me of the entire 2016 emo revival with the “Holy Emo Trinity” or whatever. Though ofc this shit takes place in like 2005 so its not the same. He reminds me more of Midwest Emo than Post-hardcore emo. Maybe he would listen to shit like Sleeping with Sirens but for some reason its hard for me to imagine. To be fair its also because i grew up with second wave emo [i think its second wave. mostly the end of it but jt altered my life and ive seen shit that would occur in the scene thanks to my older sister] so i have a specific idea of the different types of emos at the time. He’s much more emotional and theatrical to me which is why i choose midwest emo over post-harcore/emocore. Also hes zesty so brittany spears.

I usually associate Lucas Lee with old school Reggaeton. Just based on personal headcanon about how he looks like a specific genre of Latino in the early 2000s idk to describe it, im also from the west coast so theres that. But ofc the anime gave me a reality check and i realized this mf is still a skater. so of course you have punk rock/pop punk. so the range goes from Daddy yankee and Don Omar to mf The Offspring and Anti-Flag. I’ve thought about making a playlist for him, i just gotta figure out how to organize it the same way i did for Gideon and how his playlist has both bachata and industrial.

Todd would stray more away from electronic heavy music unlike Lucas and Gideon. In my head I also associate him with pop punk, basic bands like Fall Out Boy, The Offspring, Bowling for Soup whatever. Indie Rock like The Killers, The Strokes, Queens of the Stone Age probably. Honestly basic level radio rock that people argue the genre of. Though another headcanon is that most of the music he grew up with was like, basic level metal. Shit like Metallica and AC/DC. I also do think about him while listening to Los Infieles by Aventura because hes a cheating ass mf.

quick note for todd, i also have a headmate based off of a specific way an artist depicted him in fanart, who wouldn’t stop listening to skrillex a while back for almost a month straight so yeah. theres that.

As for Roxy, she reminds me a little more of Post-Hardcore and RIOT GRRRL. Shes not rlly emo but some of her aesthetics overlap so why not lol. I don’t know enough RIOT GRRRL bands other than Le Tigre [also the the Empty>>>>> that song is peak]. But bands like Kittie, Jack off Jill, Saosin, etc. Since my music taste mostly revolves around Rock/EDM and because various soundtracks having a theme song for her, she also reminds me of trance or eurodance. Can’t name any specific artists for those two genres i only know a handful of songs. I can’t rlly put her into one genre of music like the others, i feel like a lot suits her. Fuck it she listens to Lady gaga too. I only know for sure that she reminds me of Devi McCallion and the artists mentioned above. She would be okay with me playing my cringe ass music on the aux cord i think /j

For the Twins. The obvious answer is basic EDM. But i feel like one of them is a little more experimental than the other while one of them would focus on being more melodic. They both remind me of Aphex Twin and Venetian Snares. Ngl though they kinda remind me of 2000s/2010s hip-hop/rap in a way that i can’t fully explain. I have no specific artists nor subgenres to describe it unfortunately because i have a very basic level examples i heard on the radio growing up. i think its cause theyre always at some party/event depending on which media. They remind me of the instrumental to Black and Yellow by Wiz Khalifa tho.

yeah uh, most of my music taste revolves around rock and EDM plus the various genres i grew up with so honestly there’s probably more out there i haven’t listened to yet that could be better fits for them. i like music lol. I also gotta reread the comics to get a better understanding other than what i remember.

[thoughtcascades]

you literally summed up my feelings with my rambles about life. thank you for the reply it was detailed as well! honestly it just sucks cause it seems everyone else be doing something with themselves and ur just likw hmmm where was my chances huh? and i guess theres more existential crisis for myself when im seeing so much of others lives throjgh social media it doesnt help we cant just simply love ourselves be ourselves without comparing our lives bc there is so many more ways to compare our lives now than there was however many years ago. i cant not use the internet cause we need it for every day tasks including most jobs. honest to god i would pick literally any other generation besides this screen addicting one that we have all been conditioned into needing.

idk i honestly could do with a time machine id love to have experienced other generations as they seemed a bit more happier than a lot of us rn. it was honestly a blessing as a kid to have an internet free childhood and i regret that it wasnt a longer childhood. the most we had during school were flip phones or basic "smartphones" or ipods.

those were simple times we didnt need to make tiktoks and know every slang bc there wasnt such a thing back then. now its like gen z and new gens get more opportunities for their success due to the devices they have that we didnt have. and sometimes it really does come down to either being from the right place or having the courses that you wanted to do and a lot of the times that just wasnt available then and no one ever seems to talk about it cause it just seems that online my generation either gets shitted on or overlooked. for instance theyve only just started making "womens football" more known but we had such little opportunties in my school it was traditional dance, hockey, gymnastics or some winter sports but again it was limited option unfortunately i couldnt choose any other schopp bc its what is generically available for most schools in that area yaknow?

thank you for writing such a relatable response i appreciate it and love your blog ofc <3

We got a taste of the "simple" life, without all the TikTok pressure and endless screens, but we miss out on all the crazy opportunities newer generations have. It sucks getting told we had it easier when really, things were just... different. You're right about the whole opportunities thing. Limited sports options at school? One career path for life? That "workaholic" college tutor who wouldn't let you even have a part-time job? It's this messed-up system that makes you jump through hoops just to figure out who the hell you even are. And that whole "fear of failure" thing? Everyone keeps saying "explore your options", but what if you pick wrong? What if you change your mind and people look at you like you're some kind of flake? We're expected to know exactly what we want and nail it perfectly the first time, when honestly, sometimes you just need space to figure it out. It's okay if things get messy and confusing, but somehow that's seen as "weak" or something. No wonder it's so damn hard to move on, even when you know you need to.

[wyrmzone]

please give me more zathea lore I'm shrimptrigued

🦐 so i wanted to make this 2d sidescrolling fighting game with skills and parrying

i didnt get so far and the lore was meant to be kind of ambiguous or dream-like but zhathea is some kind of outcast suddenly sentenced to execution but survives the execution and starts fighting knights and soldiers with his new powers to get to the centrum area of the city and starts learning about not trying so hard to please people that it hurts yourself

it could be related to my ideas for this concept of courtship through psychological torment like in the culture of this area though i might separate the ideas later

since i had the idea of zhatheas game much earlier than the rest

theres this large settlement purposefully built over and around a huge roots-like flesh organism thats in a symbiotic relationship with the people

the people developed some degree of psychic ability to communicate with the uhhhh Xadverala

a lot of it is through scent or taste and when they send out information it can manifest as either

so they put a lot of resources into feeding the thing and in return they're allowed to eat part of it since it expands rapidly

so someone open to uhh courting will have some kind of slight "scent" though since its a psychic wave its probably easily understood and very different from regular smells

over a long period of time the person interested in them will somehow destabilize them by causing them to question reality, feel strange emotions or dread, and/or alter their usual patterns or habits and maybe also revealing or giving some hints as to who it is

(the scent is supposed to get stronger over time and is controlled by emotion so if it stops then they just cease activities)

one thing i had thought a lot about is dream manipulation, like inducing nightmares or changing dreams to look more like real life

they have several popular novels and old stories that involve the labyrinth which is supposed to be this infinite maze in the dream world that looks different for each person and exists through multiple people

so you can be sent there as a romantic gesture and the other person will try to draw on your thoughts and memories to make an interesting and kind of upsetting experience

the labyrinth can look like basically anything and anywhere but you'll recognize it when you find yourself in different places without travelling to them and things dont obey the laws of reality

in some of the stories the person or people will get lost there for a long time or even die (though thats just stories, they dont kill irl) or the dream will actually change the person's real life which is impossible

i think time should have some limits in the dream world so if youre asleep for 8 hours you can't be stuck there longer than 8 hours

so basically fantasy, horror, and romance as in relationships are all interconnected

i think its possible that the whole thing zhathea is going through is actually a dream labyrinth made by someone very in love with him

oh you made it to the bottom! congrats :3 🦐hey what was that rumbling sound.

wait... it couldnt be🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐

🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐s SSHRIMP🦐ATTACK🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐

🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐

🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐

[thelegendofhino]

Now, for an analysis on whatever the blood moon may be physically doing to hino.

Hes very clearly not aware that its negatively affecting him. I dont think whatever it is thats happening to him is ever being processed as a negative thing to him, considering how he acts afterwards, but its definitely preventing him from actually realizing whats going on. It gets him excited, sure, but i really dont think he properly recalls what goes on. If anything, he seems to be in pain a lot of the time.

In both games, he puts emphasis on the fact that his blood is "boiling", which is basically when you have a really high body temperature/fever so it feels like your blood is hot. In his case, it could also be combined with an adrenaline rush and some other more supernatural thing.

Another thing is his focus on the "blood" part of the blood moon, though that seems to be less about the moon itself and more whatever its doing to him. Any of his dialogue regarding blood other than his own seems to be even less cohesive than anything else he says, being either mindless mumbling or shouting. Considering in botw he runs around the stable for basically a full in-game hour without stopping, combined with the highly likely adrenaline rush, combined with the heavy breathing he does in totk, it may be as a result of that taste of blood (really just the metallic taste) that you get in your mouth if you exercise a lot for a while despite no actual blood being present. And, again, having to keep in mind that it is in fact a supernatural occurrence, that taste of "blood" could possibly be causing some sort of craving for it, especially since the only thing blood moons should be affecting is monsters, which are all inherently aggressive towards others. For reasons forever unknown, hino is a completely unique case among every non-monster. Perhaps he is cursed somehow. Regardless, i worry for his health. Blood moons have been occuring for as long as hes been alive, and i dont know if theyve been affecting him the way it is now his whole life, but thats still a very long time (idk how old he is, but id place him somewhere in his early-mid 30s) and blood moons happen on a weekly basis... its just concerning.

I do think its odd that he doesnt really acknowledge you in this state in botw, and in totk of course it only happens while youre talking to him so it has to be different, but even so hes not nearly as focused on you as he is on the moon and whatever it is that hes feeling. We've had an instance of an npc attacking you before for completely non supernatural reasons, but despite the blood moons connection to malice and gloom and whatnot it doesnt seem to give him any intention of harming you. Though, given that its doing anything to him at all, and ONLY him, maybe just a few more years time before he starts getting actually aggressive... his focus on blood may begin to manifest in much more dangerous ways at this rate.

So whatever the blood moon is doing to him is definitely NOT good for him, and its odd enough already that it doesnt happen to anyone else, nor does anyone else ever comment on his behavior. Nobody else would see him in totk (since hes always captured in some fort now), but in botw everyone else that stays and comes to the dueling peaks stable witness it happen all the time with no concern at all. Maybe they just dont think anything of it, maybe they just think hes a bit of a freak and mind their own business.

Also, he can sense when a blood moon will happen that day. Theres no way for that to be the case if it was just a matter of him getting way too excited about it. And despite being able to tell when one will occur, it gets in the way of his research! Because it makes him go crazy. And he doesnt ever acknowledge that. Very odd. Im starting to think its giving him false memories so he continues to be unaware of what really goes on. Because if he were truly just forgetting, surely hed be concerned about memory gaps whenever a blood moon happens, but instead he just proceeds as if he werent doing anything out of the ordinary.

The blood moon was also out the entire time that you fight ganondorf after he turns himself into a dragon... i can only imagine how exhausted hino felt after that, probably without even understanding why.

[flockofdoves]

struggling a bit w ED relapse rn because after i went to the ER last week they prescribed me doxycline and metronidazole. both can cause nausea and other stomach issues and metronidazole makes everything taste a bit gross making eating less enjoyable and ive been on doxycycline before and still have never figured out how to deal with the facts that it both is 30% more effective if taken without food but destroys your stomach if you do so directions will like simultaneously say to take it with and without food on different parts of the packaging lol. and i have to take it at breakfast and dinner time. and if you have it within two hours before or after anything high in calcium it creates a chemical reaction that both makes it a lot less effective and that is digestionally painful. and in ED recovery whole milk (lots of calcium) has been a huge help for me in giving me an easy way to supplement with a calorie and fat dense food to make sure i eat enough even when i have low energy. and cereal or breakfast sandwiches involving cheese and mayo are some of my go to breakfasts because i need to reliably be able to eat enough to start my day without having to do much thinking or prep so that ill have enough energy to be able to do stuff like think about cooking for my later meals in the day.

and like replacing those with nondairy milks/cheeses even if those tend to be less calories would be fine as a solution during the next week if i just made sure to eat more but i went fucking insane in the supermarket today looking at every single nutrition label in the dairy substitute section and realizing even the ones that should have almost no calcium naturally are fortified with it to make it more like cows milk unless theyre fucking coffee creamer.

obviously the ideal solution to this is finding well thought out alternatives to my usual go tos while im full and have the energy to think about it (having a lot of fatigue as a side effect even when eating enough tho) and then after that i think im being reasonable to decide that for my specific circumstance making sure im eating enough is enough of a concern that it should outweigh any dietary restrictions when it comes down to my options in a moment and in the end might even specifically be more important to ensuring i heal from this properly (even if the resulting pain reminding me that the meds arent being absorbed properly makes this whole process feel a little pointless)

but god am i having such trouble with not just the ‘eh i dont really need to eat im not feeling it im not even too shakey yet’ part of my ed i still often fall back into but also the part of me that was so obsessive about what my food was made up of and what i should avoid and ‘oh might as well just not eat’ is having a fucking field day for the first time in a while bc theres an actual understandable and concrete Reason for a restriction but that still doesnt mean that me consciously making the decision in the moment that i just physically really need to eat and something with calcium is the only accessible option and then i start eating it and am still really hungry but then that restrictive part of me is like ‘noooo this is bad just stop eating’ is helpful at all. its just falling into the worst of both where im not eating enough And my meds arent fully effective lol.

anyway lmk if you have any low effort low calcium high calorie breakfast ideas. i know theres a lot out there but im just too wrapped up in everything to brainstorm effectively

[sunflowerseraph]

hi i haven't watched moon knight but i've watched video essays on it so i know a bit, who's ur favorite character and what are ur headcanons for them?

Ok apologies in advance bc im super dizzy writing this :D but Ohhh my god absolutely its Jake Lockley. Comics and show. Ok well in the show he doesnt have much screentime BUT it doesn't mean theres not subtle jake moments and like teases to him existing. I have assloads of jake hcs (he likes cats, hes fond of sharks, and astronomy, and he wears gloves all the time to help with his sensory issues) but i think he has soooo many roles in the MK sys! Hes a gatekeeper, a memory/trauma holder, a physical protector (occasionally dabbles in emotional protecting, like a romantic/sexual protector!) I think he frequently goes nonverbal (autism creature♡)!! I think hes a Guardian too, but in the case of rangling Khonshu (or any other "persecutor type") ! I have so many hcs abt what roles he fills and the extent of them 🧍 i love intersys relations♡♡ he has little rituals that he takes on when he gets time to front. He enjoys a nice cup of coffee at Genas diner, and he will occasionally smoke a cigarette or two despite stevens protests.(Genas been trying to get him to quit, started giving him lollipops and hard candies cause the smoking is probably from some oral fixation.)

Hes really social! But hes still got the anxiety that comes with being social. He has to be for his taxi driving anyways! I feel like hes got a social mask to interact with people he drives around n stuff, when he needs info, etc. But he doesnt like to meet new people? Like, he has friends already, and the idea of making connections is nerve wracking (thats Stevens job, hes good at external connections! Esp comic steven, since he literally makes all their friends for the most part. Like he and jake make the friends and marc is stubborn♡)

[Tw for trauma ment, abuse, etc! Skip to the next colored line for not that :D]

Jake insys looks different than the body out of sys sometimes too! He holds a physical manifestation of previous injuries/trauma. He and Marc share certain scars or marks from their merc/military days, and in the case of the show, from physical trauma growing up with their mom. Steven tends not to have those marks/scars! Marc definitely has some, but not to the extent as Jake. Since jake is a gatekeeper/memory holder, he would have more scars or marks representing certain memories or traumas that they experienced, even if Marc doesnt, bc Marc doesnt get all the memories. Steven gets like None at all, so he wouldnt really have those markings. Jake might carry some chronic pain stuff (symptom holder) too? Speaking from experience, abuse like that can lead to nerve damage/chronic pain, so it would make sense he would experience it.

[ Ok, end of tw section]

I think Jakes music taste varies too! He usually just listens to the radio in his cab, so he doesnt have a Set Big Preference. He does love Luis Miguel tho. Steven likes reading ,but im sure he enjoys music! Probably nothing too Hardcore, softer music, or maybe even oldies. I think Marc would like music like Pink Floyd, Zeppelin, def leppard, acdc, hozier, Imagine dragons, Muse idk i have lists and playlists but thats not the point here. Jake likes Doja Cat.

He also loves cats just in general, black cats especially. Marc prefers dogs, and Steven (obviously) likes his fish!

Hes the shortest insys! God theres this funny art thing of the mk boys going Jake why are u so small, and jake replies with some shit about being like Wolverine. I think by @bicatperson ?? AS I WAS WRITING THIS I FOUND IT. Here.

EDIT: link didnt work here it is again hopefully?

Im trying to think of more things uhm. He ALWAYS tips Gena extra at the diner (They are sweet, theyre like two highschool sweethearts to me. She cares about his well being and he loves her boys like his own. ) speaking of, jake is So good with kids. Btw. I feel like hed definitely be a little caretaker !! He also loves Diatrice and calls her Dia or dee,or didi :) i also hate all the shit abt her not being "his kid" which just isnt fucking true. Sorry im not a fan of marlene for that shit.

Anyways. Jake is crucial to the mk sys in any universe in anyway possible in my brain ok. Hes kind and strong and doesnt shy from a fight. Hes wreckless at times but hes good at figuring things out. Hes got those streetsmarts. Hes also in love with his lawyer Matt Murdock.

[archer3-13]

With some time to think on it, what changes might have helped engage stand out more on the gameplay front overall? or atleast, if i had some degree of control and influence over engages development what might I recommend?

bring back the rescue mechanic despite bringing back build it seems odd to me atleast that the rescue mechanic didnt also make a comeback in engage, given that on its own build can be kinda an annoying stat with how it influences doubling calculations. with the benefit of rescue however and how build influences that, i feel the drawbacks of build wouldnt sting quite as bad.

give everyone a base additional proficiency and let them permanently acquire class skills. hypothetically i feel engage has one of the best reclass systems so far, but it gets kneecapped by the arbitrary restrictions the games design places on it. these two changes would open things up a lot more from the get go and provide better incentives to experiment with different classes outside of manipulating stat growth and gains.

I feel like we coulda done with a couple more classes? extensive as things already are it feels like some odd oversights passed through the entire process. for instance, fun reference as it is for theifs to be a lvl40 cap special class it never really feels justified in engage why they didnt just make a promotion for thiefs, and it limits some of the potential expression we could have seen for interesting dagger proficient class expression [though wolf knights kick all the ass and i demand they now be a series staple]. in other words, engage is just crying out desperately for some kind of trickster class with dagger and staff proficiency and even somewhat teases that idea with yunakas budget trickster set up shes introduced with. another oddity though one i do get why is the awkward double role they try and have martial monks fill in as both the dedicated arts class and also the stock healer class. theoretically it prevents the healer from feeling like so much dead weight by giving them a reliable combat option but what ultimately happens is that it kinda kneecaps their ability to do either well [atleast until they promote and even then]. cause they're still frail squishy priests so why on earth would you want them to eat hits for your front line units outside of some very specific calculations, but they're also your only arts option for early parts of the game if ya wanna take advantage of that particular weapon. im not against punch priests, but it probably woulda worked better to have an additional dedicated arts class at tier 1 if for no other reason then to stop enemy martial monks suiciding themselves in futile attempts to deal damage

as a number of people have probably noted, mechanically engage would have benefited a lot from a NG+. probably exponentially more so then three houses given theres a lot more interesting mechanics to engage and play with that would be fun to completely break into ridiculous combos through ng+.

definitely some things that would take more development time but i feel engage would have benefited from atleast a couple more chapters and could have had a more 'diversified' spread of emblem rings then it does now. on the more chapters front, it just comes down to what i would say feel like some rather awkward transitions here and there in the story that could benefit from some 'smoothing out'. that can also be adressed by better writing, so the other point of noting this is that theres some wonkiness to the level and difficulty curve of enemies in engage outside of the games generally more forgiving nature. its not a deal breaker, but it does feel like things could have been 'smoothed out' a bit if only to keep to the games overall more forgiving approach to things. as for the emblem rings, personal taste i suppose but i did stumble on what i feel is a better distribution of the rings overall though it bumps the total count to 16 and importantly includes double ups from certain games. marth alm celica sigurd seliph leif roy lyn eirika ephraim ike micaiah kris lucina corrin byleth neat as the sun moon thing is for eirikas ring, i feel like it stunts the possibilities of what each ring coulda been individually for the renais twins. plus splitting them up lets ephraim actually have an opportunity to talk to people in game. alm and celica would also get to double up as they're both the protagonists of their own game, and cold make for an interesting contrasting duo of their own. im thinking both sporting anti corrupted skills and gear, alm being the obvious physical one and his special skill being about drawing enemies in towards him as opposed to warping to where the enemy is. a reverse warp ragnarok effectively i feel like if leifs there, then seliph should get an opportunity to show up as well. also, interesting as the tragedy of sigurd is, seliph is i would argue the more important character of fe4 narratively speaking. i imagine like his dad he'd be horsed themed, but boasting more an emphasis on swords over lances well his special attack would be a sweep across a line of enemies opposed to running through a line of enemies. kris isn't exactly popular i know, but i do think they'd probably fit quite well as a 'ds remake' archanea rep over marth being the og archanea rep. im not exactly sure how they'd function, maybe something similar to leifs though im not positive on that, but i do think they'd probably have to be the Fkris. its not an even split as it were this way, but it does balance things out a bit better in this hypothetical situation.

why wasn't the hurricane axe just a wind tomahawk? all the other magic weapons are ranged ones, and its not like we needed a magic smash axe when smash weapons hit like trucks by design.

perhaps just a quirk of normal mode, but a number of bosses would be generally a lot more difficult/engaging to deal with ironically if they stood still. emblem trials tend to be the worse for this.

[thepetrichorcollective]

Splitting; OSDDID VS BPD

The term "Splitting" Is used by both people with forms of osddid and bpd. We dont see it talked about much at all and we have both did and bpd so we thought we'd start the conversation about it and talk a little bit.

fair warning, because i know from having dyslexia, there are some large blocks of text as i go into this so if its hard for anyone to read i'll have a tldr at the bottom.

Lets start with what splitting means in osddid. Splitting is the 'creation' or forming of new alters or parts. Typically alters split under the conditions of stress/distress. Its not always obvious when an alter splits, sometimes it may happen without the system or even the alter themself knowing, while sometimes it may be more clear that someone new has split but things are different for every system so the identifiers for it can vary. (the link goes a bit more into depth about this)

As for splitting in terms of bpd. While splitting is a symptom in more personality disorders than just BPD, i chose to talk about bpd because its the one i have therefore making it easier for me to talk about from experience. When someone 'splits' they are subconsciously using a defense mechanism, typically when in an uncomfortable situation, "seeing thing as black and white" as some people put it. It can make "grey areas" hard to accept/recognise in the sense that to someone whos splitting things are either one or the other and no in between. ("x must be lying or telling the truth, its a yes or no, theres no way there can be an inbetween" for example) (This sight talks about it a bit more, though im personally not fond of the phrasing it still seems to explain it a bit better than i can.)

I'd like to talk a bit about what its like having both bpd and did. I dont always recognise when i split a new alter or have splitting episodes, honestly realizing a new alter has split is much easier for me to identify than when im splitting in a bpd episode. When i recognize a new alter has formed i notice things that are normally familiar, like people we know or things about the space around us, no longer seeming familiar. other things that give it away for us could be the alter having a different mood than whoever was fronting before (ex. going from feeling upbeat to suddenly feeling very uncomfortable), a change in music taste or something similar.

however when we split during a bpd episode, as a mood disorder it, at the very least, only shows up in a few of our alters. Not every alter may show symptoms of bpd but for those who do, like myself, it can vary between what symptoms show themselves. On the topic of splitting as a symptom, when one or more of us have a splitting episode it can cause an argument.

The arguments usually involve matters of protecting the system in different ways, whether we should cut contact with a person or theyre actually safe for us to be talking to, stuff like that. the arguments are always something like "x could be lying or leave us when we need them, people did that before it could happen again." "or not, x is a different person, theyre sweet and caring, they like us theres no need to dump them." its very hard for us to see a middle ground, its either one thing will happen or another and theres no third option. of course every argument has to end, often ours end in a sort of 'stale mate' per say, deciding to wait things out before making a final decision on things.

to avoid making this longer than it is already, TLDR; there are many differences between splitting with a personality/mood disorder like bpd and splitting a new alter, having both can cause some difficulties but doesnt make things any less manageable.

if theres something you'd like to share, whether its your experience, a question or more resources on this topic please go ahead and share.

thanks for taking the time to read this

but! if you want to start an argument, fakeclaim, or otherwise stir something up you can take that elsewhere. this isnt a post for fights, just discussion.

[cantalouupe]

curiosity

nsfw!!! kaeya x f!reader

prequel to this drabble

hand & finger kink, semi public sex except you don’t have sex with him he just makes you suck on his fingers

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The knights of Favonius weren’t a group of people you mingled with. While you had no quarrels with any of them and had even spoken to some before, they just weren’t people that you considered friends.

There was nothing you held against them, no vendetta you had. Your feelings of them were just neutral. Pleasant conversations are easy to have with the ones stationed around town, where they’re willing to help you with really anything you need.

That’s probably why you’ve never really had to interact much with them. You’ve never been in danger and so help from them wasn’t something you had to seek out.

The higher ups, though, were a different story. You’ve also not interacted with any of them, but heard of them incredibly often, seen the outrider around town.

But that was all.

You had understood they were busy with all their work and obviously didn’t expect them to come out just so they can talk to you, a random citizen - still, you were curious. With all the big talk of them they were bound to be quite an interesting few people.

Sara, who worked at The Good Hunter - a little restaurant near the center fountain in town that served amazing food - had told you about them. The interesting honorary knight that travels with a little fairy in search for his sister, the outrider that you’ve seen before, the librarian who apparently was incredibly intimidating when you don’t return books, and even Jean, the acting grand master. You’ve heard about all of them, your curiosity causing you ask around for stories.

The first time you met any of them was on a sunny day, not unlike any other. You were out on the trail, foraging mushrooms as per Sara’s request, when you ran into a suspicious looking group of hilichurls. The odd creatures were entranced by an odd looking sigil on the ground that glowed a faint purple.

You had chosen to mentally mark where you were and turn back to go to town and report it. Hilichurls close to town was already a safety hazard, but them acting the way they were felt off and made a pit of worry grow in your stomach.

The guards at the doors of the Knights of Favonios Headquarters had questioned what you needed when you ran up, and you explained the situation, requesting to speak to Jean if possible.

Guilt ate at you when you pushed despite them telling you she was busy with work already. “I really would like to speak to her directly,” you told them.

They were going to shut you down again, but from behind them the door opened and out came an infamous face.

Of the many people you’d been told about, the Cavalry Captain was among them. Kaeya was very popular in town, apparently appeared at the tavern on most nights to chat with the townspeople. There was a lot of mystery shrouding him and his backstory but despite that he was a favorite of many people.

He looked as he’s been described to you, with dark hair and tanned skin, one eye covered with a black eye patch. His bare eye, beautiful and piercing blue met yours and you looked away immediately, feeling as though you were seeing a myth in the flesh.

“Like I said,” your eyes, probably a little wide from seeing the captain, fell back to the two guards you’d been talking to. “I think it’s a good idea if I talked to Jean directly.”

You hadn’t meant to alert Kaeya as he was leaving the Knights Headquarters but he seemed to hear, voicing out an “is everything okay?” as he approached the three of you.

“I’m not trying to be any trouble,” you tell him once the situation was explained.

He watched you shrink slightly under his gaze, pretty eyes staring up at him - and shook his head. “It’s understandable to want to report something like that immediately. I can take you to her.”

Obviously he had some sort of authority over the guarding knights because they had nothing to say about that, stepping back to their spots on either side of the stone stairs leading to the building.

You mentally let out a breath and nodded up at the blue haired male, thanking him quietly and apologizing again for making a fuss.

“Come on now,” he smiled down at you, calming your nerves a bit. “Stop apologizing for trying to keep Mondstadt safe. If anything we should be apologizing to you for not catching it before you did.”

The short walk inside the Knights Headquarters was quiet, and you took the few silent moments as a chance to get a better look at Kaeya. It was weird seeing him in front of you after only hearing about him for so long.

His clothes were much different from the other knights, from the fur on the shoulder to the color of the clothing. A small blue glowing charm hung from the side of his hip - that’s right, he had a vision.

When he opened the door to Jean’s office, you caught sight of his fingers that peaked out of dark gloves. Fingerless gloves?

“Are you going to come inside?”

Oh no, you weren’t standing here gawking at his hands, were you? You blinked at him like a deer in headlights and you wanted to melt into the floor at the amusement written on his face.

You ducked your head in embarrassment, slipping passed him silently.

Your shame was short lived, however, when you stepped into the room and saw Jean. Now you knew for a fact awe was visible on your face. It’s not every day that you get to see the grand acting master herself.

She was kind and genuinely concerned about you after you ran through the scene you saw for a third time in that day. The abyss order have been causing some trouble for the knights and they had been trying to track down more about them and their plans. What you saw didn’t give away much but Jean reiterated that it was an important bit of information and she thanked you for coming to her for it.

You preened at that, glad you could be of help to her.

Before you left, she thanked you again and assured you that you didn’t need to worry, the knights would take care of it.

And that was the end of it. Nothing else regarding that situation happened and life returned to normal.

The next time you ran into one of them it was at The Good Hunter. You were chatting with Sara while waiting for your food to finish cooking when a very familiar pair on hands came to lean against the counter you ordered at, with a very familiar voice accompanying them.

“I’ve been wondering about you,” Kaeya muses.

Wondering about you? You had to take a moment to process that, forcing out a small “Why?” to which he didn’t respond.

“Eat with me,” he responds instead, smiling at you and he is nice and a knight so who are you to decline.

So, you two eat together. He’s just as charming as people have mentioned, voice smooth and easy to listen to. By your wonder, he tells you in more detail about the Knights of Favonius, and you soak up his words like a sponge.

He is able to describe specific stories that you didn’t otherwise know about, along with other people that you hadn’t heard much about.

You find it fascinating and ask more specific questions - about visions. He answers every inquiry thats thrown at him, about his own cryo power and that of others in Mondstadt.

“Does the fingerless gloves have something to do with your element?” You ask him, and he laughs lightly at you.

“You like them, huh?”

Does he remember your lingering gaze on his hands at your last meeting? God, that’s mortifying. You hadn’t meant it to be a weird question.

When you gape at him, sputtering and trying to grasp a suitable response, he reaches out and taps a finger on the underside of your chin. “Cute,” he murmurs, before taking his leave, claiming he has work he should go attend to.

You stare at him while he leaves, reeling from his actions.

Things move more quickly after that.

You don’t know who really started it, but Kaeya’s hands become somewhat of a teasing point. It wasn’t a serious attraction at first but now his hands are the first thing your gaze catches on.

In turn, he’ll tease you for it, brushing the back of his knuckles against you or tapping a fingertip on you like he did that first time.

It boiled over one day in the Knights Library, you alongside him, curiously looking at all the different titles that were offered. Kaeya reaches out to grab a book and your eyes zero in on his hands.

Bare hands.

He wasn’t wearing those gloves today, skin fully on display and that shouldn’t be as important as it is but there you are, staring at them.

“You’re not-“

He has to know. Theres no way he accidentally forgot to wear them on a day he would be with you. Another tease, definitely.

“My gloves? Didn’t think you’d notice something like that.” Oh, he knows.

Cocky as ever, he taps his finger into your bottom lip - as he has before - and your mouth parts in response. An invitation.

The taste of clean skin bursts on your tastebuds, two of his fingers sliding inside.

“Ah, I knew it,” he murmurs, moving so you were situated in the corner of the wall and bookshelf, his body shadowing yours to shield you from any possible onlookers.

Your knees buckle from under you when he presses down onto your tongue, a whimper sounding from your throat.

“Look at you,” he coos, head leaning in so his lips brush against your ear. “How was I supposed to hold myself back when you want this so bad?”

Your hands find purchase on his biceps, gripping them to ground yourself while he rubs the pads of his fingers against your tongue. Saliva pools and threatens to spill over your lip, and Kaeya knows it, fingers moving so that it drips down out of your mouth and onto your chin.

“You know,” he starts again, fingers sinking deeper into your mouth as his other spare hand wraps loosely around your waist. “If you’re so good like this I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when I fuck you.”

Another noise leaves you, fingers digging into his arms. Your head knocks back into the wall right behind you and your eyes flutter.

You feel lucky that you cant speak because you know you wouldn’t be able to trust yourself to not beg him to fuck you right here in the library.

It feels filthy, the drool on your chin and his breath against the side of your face while he tells you these things. You felt hot and if your eyes were opened your pupils would be blown out.

“You’ll have to come see me some time, so I can really take you apart with my fingers.”

[cannibal-witchh]

Reader(Fem) X Alcina Dimitrescu

(PART 1)

Written by cannibal_witchh

⛓Trigger Warning⛓

Story contains: Gore, sexual elements, vulgar language, violence, elements of sub/dom behavior, and captivity.

Notes:

I am not the most confident writer so bare with me if theres some flaws floating around the story. I also have very minimal general knowledge to Alcina right now due just demos only being out. Please, be considerate that there's only so much information released on her so most of what I'm writing is not canon. Let's keep it positive and real, we all are thirsting after Lady D so here's a a fanfiction. Also couldn't condense it in one story so going to make this adleast a two or three parter.

It can get confusing with a lot of female characters so the reader is of course:

Y/N - your name

Her/she- i wanted to refer to the female reader in italics and bold

Y/L/N- your last name

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Thunder echoed along the well decorated corridor walls . Hints of lightning occasionally flashed between fluttering curtains. Beyond the curtains was an open window, below that was a critical drop into snow and shards of large rocks. That was definitely not worth risking. Y/N had been held in captivity for what felt like a legitimate eternity. Confinded to a small well kempt room, it seemed as though it had once been a guest room according to the furnishing. All the basic necessities of a bedroom were present here. The fabrics that dressed the bed were of a fine quality, and the boards that held all of it up were of incredible carpentry. Gentle embers flickered from the candlewicks that rose tall on the golden girandoles. Despite captivity the room was comfortable, it was illuminated with warm colors, although still dim and feint.

The door swung open, a black swarm of insects swirled infront of the door as it begun to quickly form a figure. It revealed a small vampiric woman, hooded with golden locks peaking from under it. She flashed her teeth with an enthusiastic smile, as she revealed blood stained teeth, lips, as well as her chin. " Oh, goody! You are awake. I always feel bad feeding when someone is asleep.", She shut the door as she advanced closer to Y/N. Adrenaline began to flood through her veins, hair on her body standing up, and her palms perspiring. She was covered in scabbed bite marks, and bruises - it didn't take long for her to recall the abrupt painful puncture of teeth break through her skin. The old bites began to twitch with pain at the idea a new addition would be welcomed. " I just prefer blood thats been in shock, y'know, awake? It gives it a nice acidic flavor, plus,", she towered over Y/N breathing in her aroma. " It smells wonderful.", she giggled in soft whispers. "Enough.", Y/N demanded as she attempted to cease her trembling. Her body was returning to anxiety because it was clear what was about to happen. A feeding. The vampire didn't seem to express offense, strangely her face bore amusement. "Oh ok, how about this!", she excitedly brought out her sickle and swung at her. With one swift swing the sickle hooked right under her knee cap. A shriek was released from Y/N's lips, agonizing pain radiating everywhere, and blood began to river out from the site. The vampire dragged her with the sickle through the corridor as everything seemed like a blurr from the shock. Hallways seemed like a stretched out haze, and noises seemed to be loud echoes one would hear in a juvenile cafeteria. "Whe-where are you taking me...?", she barely mustered as she felt the sickle dig through muscle and actually brush against the back of her knee cap. Fuck. The sickle was released quickly from her skin as she heard the sound of blood fly onto the ground. That abrupt removal felt worse for minutes compared to the weapon actually being present in Y/N's knee. The monstrous woman lifted the sickle to her crimson stained lips, inhaling the aroma deep, and then proceeding to lick the sickle of the blood it had collected. Sounds of ecstasy escaped her satin black lips, her eyes darted over at Y/N as she felt like she was on the verge of fainting from shock. " I love blood that has some acidicity to it. It gives it a nice kick. You know how that works? For example, your blood could still have more of that taste. One who is in a flight or fright scenario, where they are in absolute fear and adrenaline kicks in...thats when the meat and blood have a sour flavor. Mmm, thats why we are going to play a game." , she licked her lips as her eyes flickered with hunger and passion. Y/N groaned in pain as she felt her body gasp from the fevered pain beating in her knee. " I propose we play hide and go seek! You already know who's hiding. I will give you to the count of 100." , her eyes shimmered from this fucked up idea, she quickly turned her back and covered her eyes. Slowly the sickle in her hand vanished within dark smoke, damn it, Y/N within fading in and out had thought perhaps of stealing that and killing her there. Not anymore. She rose up with wobbling knees, just like a new born dear barely capable of using its legs, she began to hobble as fast as she could away.

"Oh, and I can smell your blood. So hide well, Y/L/N."

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Y/N consistently looked back, watching if the vampire had cheated the game. She was indeed honoring the game, that was adleast something about this blonde one she liked. She seemed to honor things she said, " 89...70...", her voice echoed loudly through the halls. The numbers lowering as Y/N felt her adrenaline spike even higher.

Y/N managed to find a door unlocked in a different wing of the manor. She adleast went through 10 locked doors before fleeing to another location of the manor. With pure luck, she discovered this door, it was unlocked and she took her gamble and entered quietly. With trembling gore soiled hands, she locked the door, and sunk to the ground. Very little energy existed in her, she anticipated for dear life the blonde vampire wouldn't smell her here.

The sound of gentle humming danced along the walls of this room, very melodic, sad, and eerie. Lonely, perhaps. With Y/N's quick realization, this resembled a garden bath house. The windows stretched tall in this room, revealing bleeding light from the full moon, there were plants of vibrant emeralds surrounding the large mass of water that centered the room. The water was decorated with rose petals and red spider lilies. The room was architecturally structured with several stones of marble, and looked almost like a Greek bath house . Gentle sounds of rushing water followed between stones which flowed into the big pool of water. Little ripples scattered across the water causing the red flowers to bob up and down.

The humming persisted as Y/N felt her heart drop, she quickly scurried to the nearest marble pillar to conceal herself. The humming was growing louder and louder, could it be the hungry vampire? She wasn't certain if it was worse but it certainly felt like it, Lady Dimitrescu emerged from the shadows of the room, and strided to the water. She was only wrapped in the finest silk, a tight sheer white robe that hugged tightly against her hips. She definitely had a full figure, the robe delivered a silhouette of her motherly figure. It certainly complimented, the low cut of the robe teased her deep cleavage, the sheer silk revealed faint color and the shape of her puffy areolas. Even in the predicament Y/N was in, it was still hard not to appreciate Alcina's physical beauty.

Alcina continued her melodic hum for a few more moments as she admired the undulations of the floral water. " Y/N Y/L/N, you believe me to be foolish?", she broke from her tune as her eyes looked directly at Y/N. She gulped hard as she submitted to the acceptance Alcina would more than likely kill her. She continued to lay her back against the cold pillar, one hand applying pressure to her bleeding knee, the other containing the fear that was trying to escape her lips. " I could smell that delicious blood from here.", she chucked lightly, "Come here, now.", she demanded with her arms crossing. Y/N did not obey the command, she remained quiet behind the pillar. For minutes it consisted of painful sharp silence, only the sound of her terrified heart beats could be heard. Her ears burned and rung, it desperately needed the assurance Alcina was still idle. Did Y/N dare look beyond the pillar? She peeked over and Alcina was no where to be found. Consternation filled her as there wasn't even a trace of evidence to signify the direction Alcina went. Unexpectedly, Y/N felt a hard blow and collapsed on her side. Her hands releasing themselves, and a gasp of air evacuated her mouth. " Oh, I see. ", Alcina had kicked her, her foot pressed hard against her side. Her smooth leg exposed, tracing all the way to her innermost thigh. Her skin looked smooth like porcelain, but certainly felt the weight of heavy boulders as it rested on her. Y/N groaned in pain as she felt her foot dig deep into her. "Bleeding out on my perfect floors. Oh, what a mess. Although, it does certainly smells of of tart berries, yes, what a wonderful aroma.", Alcina breathed in the cold air, inhaling hints of Y/N's blood. She moaned in intoxication to the alluring smell of fresh blood. Alcina removed her foot from Y/N, she gasped for air in relief, and tried to attempt to sit up. Alcina quickly lunged forward without even a blink, and her long hand wrapped around Y/N's throat. "No, I don't think so.", Alcina smirked as her hand squeezed around her throat. She fell onto her back, the large vampress towering over, her large hand pressing into her throat.She was capable of breathing but it was incredibly taxing especially with the critical condition she was in. Desperate wheezing filled the air, it burned and stung inside of Y/N's throat. Alcina stared into her eyes, a long red smile stretched upon her pale white face. "Hmm, this is quite boring already. I am quite famished too.", she released her grip, ascended and brought her arms to her bosom to cross them. Y/N began to violently cough and gag as proper air flow returned to her lungs. After several minutes of constant heaving, she finally managed to collect herself. "Come.", Alcina ordered as she turned on the balls of her feet and waltzed to the bath. Y/N submitted, too exhausted to resist any longer. She barely could stand but managed, she approached Alcina with her eyes fixed on her every move. " My little one lacks control. Just as I would suspect with her age. If she doesn't stop stabbing you, you'll die. And I really have grown addicted to your flavor as well. I really would hate for you to bleed out one day because of her reckless actions.", she expressed with a sigh of annoyance. Suddenly, a knock interrupted her rambling, " Lady Dimitrescu,", it was the blonde vampire. Alcina let out another sigh in annoyance. "Yes?", she responded with a disinterested tone, as she crossed her arms a little more snug. Revealing a distracting amount of cleavage being pressed together. " Is Y/N in there?", she sniffed loudly as she strived to rattle the door knob open. " Yes, but I require her. I will discuss with you later some important matters. For the mean time, please do not disturb me and I'll return to you soon.", Alcina said sternly as her fingers drummed the top of her arms impatiently. "Yes, Lady Dimitrescu. ", the blonde vampire responded with pure disappointment in her tone.

"Now, where were we? Oh, yes. I've decided you will become my little feeding pet. My daughters do not know how to handle food without killing it. So you are now only mine. Clear?", she lowered herself and grabbed Y/N by the face. Turning her face side to side to examine the condition she was in. Y/N nodded to the best of her abilities, and quickly, Alcina released her. "Good. I'm glad you are willing. I want you to undress now." Embarassment flooded Y/N's mind, her cheeks buzzing with warmth. Why would she even demand that? " I intend on drinking the blood thats already spilling out of you. But I won't drink it while its been dragged around by a rusty sickle and pressed against the dirty floor.", her refined side was definitely exposed. She was different from her daughters, she wanted her meals much more virtuous. " Oh, now, now. I will even join you. They say when two are bathing they are equals.", she added as she disrobed herself. Gently she slide the robe off her shoulders and down her large breasts, as the robe began to flutter down to the marble. Her naked body exposed, and remarkable. Her large breasts sitting perky, her puffy areolas a light grey, and her waist down was incredibly curvy. Absolutely, a full figured silhouette. She dipped her feet in and followed by submerging her body into the bathwater. She let out a sound of relaxation as she smirked and beckoned Y/N. "Come, now."

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To be continued...

[heyitsyn]

RANDOM SEIJOH HCs ACCORDING TO GIGI

a/n: this is a thing i cooked up between doing trig exam and ap gov review akdsjfldskfj

IM PRETTY SURE I ALREADY USED THIS GIF BUT IM WANTING TO RE-DO MY ENTIRE PAGE AND MAKING BANNERS SO THIS IS A TEMPORARY THING AJDJDJJD ALSO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING THING ON THE APP BYE

oikawa def listens to indie music just bc he wants to feel unique and the 'iM diFfErENt fRoM oTHeR gUrLs' vibes

i FIRMLY BELIEVE IWAIZUMI HAJIME IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CHOMPS ON HIS ICE CREAM BC HE LIKES TO FEEL THE COLD ON HIS TEETH AKSJSKSKSK

meanwhile kunimi eats a kitkat like its pizza just CHOMP

makki caNNOT sleep without a pillow between his thighs LIKE LISTEN he has 2 sisters and they all told him its so comfortable and at first he was like,, ??,, then he tried and now cant sleep without it

bUT MATTSUN LIKES TO SLEEP WITH PILLOWS SURROUNDING HIM bc it makes him feel safe and like there are two body pillows on either side of him and hes kinda trapped in the middle aksjskdk

when kyo was younger, he was really short and although he had other pants, he loved this one pair but they were really long on him and he wore it all the time and the part of the pants that touched the ground is torn in shreds

kindaichi steps on the sofa before sitting LIKE puts one foot on the cushion then the other until hes literally standing on the couch before folding to sit with his knees up to his chest (i do this)

watari sniffs his food before eating it no matter if its something he eats all the time or something new, he still sniffs it either way

yahaba is really particular with his feet and he likes to get a really big tupperware (duh one only meant for his feet) and fill it up with warm almost boiling water and he just soaks them

oikawa has sleep paralysis and he oftens hallucinates about aliens in the corner of his room

kunimi does this thing where he makes weird noises with his mouth like sounds of his mouth opening LIKE when youre tastinf something new and you do that sound with your tongue (I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT AJDKSKKD)

makki bends his knees just to crack his ankles

iwa sneezes a ton but he has those sneezes where theyre quiet that you dont even notice or really loudly that it just echoes throughout the gym

kyo sleeps with one sock on bc his feet gets cold easily but both socks make him feel really hot so only one sock is perfect

for a tall and hunk of a guy, mattsun is a very light walker like his footsteps are very light and if he wants to, it can be practically silent

watari actually hates vegetables ajssksksk he particularly hates zucchini, eggplants, any vegetables that are that shape

kindaichi likes to stick or lean against walls because to him, they feel cold and can decrease his body heat

oikawa stands and places his feet at V position like \/ instead of ll because his sister did ballet and he was taught that was the right way of standing and it was considered graceful

yahaba has a fear of cactuses

mattsun does so badly in the heat because his body temp runs so high and the hot surroundings make him feel so uncomfortable and so he takes a lot of cold showers

iwa cannot swim like he freaks out immediately when his toetips can no longer feel the bottom and he panics with thoughts of drowning

watari has really small feet that he still buys big kids shoes to save money

kyotani considered playing baseball because he thought baseball bats were cool but he got angry and threw tantrum after missing his first pitch

iwa chomps on a whole raw chili while eating ramen akskksks

oikawa actually hates sweets bc when he was younger, he had cavities and iwa showed him a cartoon of cavities eating his teeth and will make him toothless

kindaichi really really likes hugs but hes too awkward to ask them even from his parents

yahaba chomps on mints so he goes through boxes of them in a week

i feel like theres a boy in the team who doesnt brush their teeth everyday and rubs a towel on their teeth to make it look clean and take mints to hide their bad breath

iwaizumi is actually iron deficient so he bruises super super fast and he even developed iron defiency anemia when he was younger bc his parents didnt catch on which caused him to be put on strong medication for months and still takes it now

WAIT,, OIKAWA IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT BUT HE LIKES MILK SO HE EATS MILK BREAD TO MAKE HIM FEEL NOT SO BAD OR GUILTY OF CONSUMING STRAIGHT DAIRY

seijoh four bonding time is watching gordom ramsey shows and yelling and screaming 'YEA! EXACTLY!' as if theyre also cooking genuises

watari used to eat grapes all the time until his mom got worried and told him if he doesnt stop, he will eventually turn into one. he only eats it every few weeks

when he was younger, kunimi cried because he had befriended a chicken on a trip to a farm and his mom took him to eat fried chicken after and he thought it was Chicky (his chicken friend :"))

kyotani used to stick out his tongue when it was raining so he could taste the raindrops. they taste better than bottled water

one time, during a seijoh sleepover, they dared oikawa to wear his sisters old uniform, skirt and all, and it backfired so everyone turned red and couldnt look at him in the face

their pregame ritual is touching each other's shoe tips

they tried doing yoga at yahaba's house before by watching yoga youtube videos but everyone ended up having to go to the chiropractor after (how did makki even turn into the human pretzel?)

the local gym gets so scared when they see the team coming through the doors bc these men are so LOUD like they HYPE EACH OTHER UP SO MUCH THEYRE SO ANNOYING AKSKSKDK

also never take them to an all you can eat sushi place. if you do, bring them earlier of the day like 30 mins after opening time so the cooks can cook enough for them without running out of ingredients (even then sometimes they still run out)

oikawa used to eat his mom's roses from her garden because he thought it would make his farts smell good like roses

takahiro is a surprisingly good artist like he draws really cool action fighting scenes in the corner of his papers and stuff

in my work: it's canon that iwa is half filo and his nanay used to dress him up in a barong all the time during halloween bc she wanted him to showcase his heritage

yahaba drinks a lot of milk because he hopes to one day grow strong and bulky like the 3rd years instead of being seen as a pretty boy

kindaichi's mom is a hairstylist and she always scolds him for using a lot of gel bc she's always the one who washes his hair

makki never learned how to do taxes and hes had the government knocking on his door a handful of times (BOKUTO AKKDJSKKS)

kyo has a dog: a chiweenie

there's someone on the team who wears those socks with individual pockets for toes

their pinterest is so different from what they look like for example, mattsun has a board of different flower decorations and arrangements

kunimi throws up during intense horror movies

watari's celeb crush is emma watson

the team alternates from different music genres like from ateez and bts to mxmtoon and beach bunny

they still dont know how to pronounce camila cabello's name

theyre all active in social media but only oikawa is on it 24/7 and in all platforms while the others have insta and snap

mattsun has twins as little siblings and he used to get them mixed up all the time that he used to draw a sharpie dot on the girl's forehead to determine she was his sister

watari hates sitting on the floor bc his butt bone hurts really easily so he can only sit on cushions for long periods of time

the team was supposed to have a party but everyone didnt know what to bring so they proved they shared the same braincell by bringing the same thing: a box of pizza

makki's an old soul and prefers to play records on a record player or watch old movies

kyo is surprisingly good at giving massages because he really pushed hard on those tense muscles

kindaichi knows how to crack necks so everyone goes to him a lot to do it (a friend of mine does this and can i say its terrifying yet so good?)

the only one who has a license is matsukawa and thats because granny needs to go to the doctor a lot and he hates her walking by herself and cabs are expensive

kyotani and yahaba are actually,,, lowkey close,,, not like best friends but theyre nice to each other and they got a stick and poke together (yahaba's was: :) while kyo's was: >:))

watari has a collection of mangas (some bl maybe 👀)

WARNING SAD: mattsun’s future job is a funeral person right? he ends up taking care of granny’s funeral free of charge and he had to take a week off because it was really painful for him

oikawa learned spanish SUPER fast to the point he forgets japanese sometimes but there are moments where he forgets both languages and hes just,,,, ???

makki’s unemployed yea but he rooms with mattsun in exchange of cooking because makki’s surprisingly good at cooking

iwa is practically the nutritionist of the team because he knows everything about proteins, carbs, iron, and needed vitamins so they all go to him to know what to eat and what they need

kunimi has lots and lots of shoes but usually only wears 2

kindaichi has a habit of pretending hes chewing gum even though he doesnt have gum, his mouth just chomps and moves with air akasldfjkf

there was a clown phenomenon in america but in their city, they had a mascots and seijoh 4 went around scaring kids :”(

oikawa never manspreads he gets too insecure to spread out like that akdjfkd

kyotani can easily sleep anywhere like he would be standing and just fall asleep or he sleeps with his eyes open

yahaba’s parents own a restaurant somewhere in the city and he works there sometimes

IM REALLY GOING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS YALL AKSDJFKL

SORRY IM WRITING TOO MUCH I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVENT UPDATED BUT IM IN A CAR RIDE RN AND I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN AND MY EXAMS HAVE FINISHED THIS WEEK IMMA CRY

PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH ANY OTHER HCS YOU GUYS KNOW OF SO I CAN PUT IT IN HERE AND CREDIT YOU WITH IT SO WE CAN HAVE LIKE A HCS BOOK FROM EVERYONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH

oikawa screams a lot according to gigi but he’s actually a really quiet guy and not easy to scare

OKAY YOU GUYS DONT KILL ME I SWEAR IVE BEEN SO TERRIBLE AT WRITING BUT YOU KNOW WHO TURNED ONE TODAY? THIS PAGE!!! MY BABY IS ONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, HOPE THIS CAN MAKE YOU GUYS SMILE TODAY AND SCHOOL ENDS NEXT WEEK AND IM ALREADY AT 132 DRAFTS AMSJKSDKSK SO OH MY GOD THERES GOING TO BE SO MUCH COMING AND IM SO EXCITED TO GET THEM OUT 😩😩

[heartfulofsighs]

Night Rides

Hi all! 

It’s been forever but I am back and writing again I suppose. I wrote this specifically for @negrowhat​ when I tossed around the idea of Hanse being an Incubus. So yeah I did that set it against a cool street racer backdrop and here we are. There will be a second part because it just got so incredibly long. Hope you guys enjoy! Find Part 2 Here

Warnings: None really actually, theres some kissing, also don’t street race this is fiction. About 6k words. 

Pleasure... He worried the little silver ring piercing at the corner of his mouth while he stared at the race course for that night. The warehouse district could be tricky and his eyebrows furrowed at the hairpin turn near the end. “Worried?” The voice sent a shiver of sheer pleasure down his spine and he hated that he couldn’t stop his reaction. He was suppose to cause people to shiver, one look and he could bring anyone to their knees begging for him. But here you were, saying one word, knocking his thoughts all around. He turned and narrowed his eyes, “I’m never worried.” Did you feel it too? He had been alone near the very edge of where people parked before gathering. He hoped to win and find a new partner. Someone he could take just a little energy from.  He felt himself getting weak, his senses weren’t as sharp and his control was dismal compared to normal. It was dangerous for him to be this tired and drained. Simple actions that he wouldn’t have noticed otherwise were heightened when he felt like this. 

That explained why he was suddenly so focused on your mouth. When you passed your tongue over your lips he almost groaned. He could imagine with vivid clarity leaning down to trace your lips with his own tongue. He imagined you being receptive, leaning into him and wrapping your arms around his neck…

He had to resist. He passed his hand over his face in order to break the pull he thought he was feeling. It should be easy, he just had to remind himself that you hated him. Whenever he did use his powers to feel you out there was a definite animosity. He wondered what your dislike tasted of. When he was close enough a person’s strong emotions acted on more of his senses. He went from feeling the emotion, to smelling it and tasting it on his tongue.   He wanted to taste what all your emotions flavors. Especially the rare times, when he looked at you and felt something different. He had caught a wanting, a longing, a needing feeling that made his mind blank. It was hard to ignore, it felt like you wanted him to be closer but he was never sure. It was so rare he forced himself to dismiss it. There were other people milling about, other partners he could easily charm but he decided to stay put. He put his phone away and turned all the way towards you. On race days you usually dressed casual like you were going to the gym. The leggings were distracting, he could see every curve. His hand would fit perfectly on your waist. “Are you nervous?” He asked, he stepped just a little closer and crossed his arms over his chest, “you’re number....” he made a thinking face waiting for you to fill in the information that he already knew. Your face scrunched into an annoyed frown. So cute, so tempting. His fantasy started playing again, all his senses were focused in on your body. Your temperature was rising, and he thought maybe there was that hint of desire. “Six.” Spoken clearly in a voice he wanted to hear his own name in. If he concentrated hard enough he could imagine you saying it several ways. Maybe breathy, maybe needy... He rubbed his chin, “breaking top five tonight?” when he cocked his head and looked into your eyes he couldn’t help but push a little with his power to feel your emotions. Mistake. The wanting clouded his senses and he had to step back suddenly. He covered his mouth and turned towards his car, “good luck.” He choked out. He wanted to lace different words with power and charm you… “Are you ok?” The concern in your voice was real but he couldn’t turn back around. It was way too dangerous. If he kissed you now neither of you would make it to the race.

You watched his back retreat past his car and into another clutch of people. He had just dismissed you without another word, just ran off as if you were the most disgusting thing. You picked the edge of your sweatshirt up and bent to smell the fabric. Maybe your kitten had sprayed on it? He was still getting the hang of the litter box and it had happened before... Nothing. You clenched your jaw. He had to be playing some kind of joke, something to throw your mind off the race. You should have never talked to him. All you had to do was park and wait until you were called. Something made you talk to him. Instead of doing the smart thing there you were. Getting out, starting a useless conversation. When you raised your head you saw him in slide into another clutch of people chatting with a girl. Hiis profile was so sharp, lips upturned in a constant smile. She was hanging on his every word just that quick. When he spoke to you his smile was different, his voice was different, and you wondered what made him so careful. You stood around alone staring down at your phone as the races filled up. You were going back and forth between following him and staying standing alone. It seemed forever until your phone buzzed but when it did you were relieved. It stopped you from doing something stupid.   “Ready? Park at the start.” The text message flashed against your screen just as you finished mapping the course. A familiar batch of butterflies fluttered in your stomach, you loved the before race jitters. They stopped your worrying about Hanse. When it came down to race time there was nothing else in your mind. You got into your car and blasted your favorite song. Your hands tapped on the wheel to the beat and you bobbed your head. There was nothing like race day, the exhilaration was always fresh, like it was the first time you had ever put your hands on the wheel. When you had felt it for the first time you had decided you had to keep chasing it.  You looked over the map one last time on your phone, the hairpin at the end was going to be tricky. You had to make sure you took the turn tight, had to make sure you watched your inside...

He was to the right of you when you looked up. His eyes were focused on you in a way that made you squirm. It felt like you were falling, that pull that made you angry. Why was he so alluring? It had to be the way his face was open but an inch away from mysterious at any given moment. When he laughed it felt like the joke was one that only he understood. The more you tried to understand it the more frustrated you got. He smiled then licked his lips like he was hungry. You felt it in the pit of your stomach.   “Good luck.” He revved his engine and looked away. Top five, you just really wanted to crack the top five. Beating him would be a plus but top 5 was the goal.

Most races felt incredibly fast but incredibly slow at the same time. You had to make decisions in an instant, had to trust in what you felt as soon as you felt it. Because you were concentrating so hard, it felt slower than real time. You led with Hanse on your bumper the entire race. The hairpin was your last hurdle and maybe if you had been more concentrated, more alert you would have executed it perfectly. But he took the opportunity to turn inside of your line. He slipped past you and came out nose ahead of you for the win. “You fucking dick,” you whispered under your breath. You had come in second, enough to move up to 5th but it was no fun if you didn’t beat Hanse. Especially after he tried to mess with your head beforehand. The curses kept flowing, under your breath you called him all sorts of names hoping he could at least sense how angry  you were and how inconvenient he was being. The small loose crowd of people at the finish line surrounded his car, hyping him up calling his name. He hopped out like some sort of celebrity. Giving a loud whoop and blowing kisses to the crowd, no one was ever that excited when you won. Around here you were tolerated, not hated, but definitely not loved. Your phone buzzed again, it had slipped during the race down onto the passenger floor. You cursed as your hand slapped around for it, just out of reach. The crowd sounded like it was going down. Maybe he had picked someone to celebrate with. Your fingers finally brushed it, with a little stretch you were pulling yourself to sit up. “Congratulations on breaking top 5.” The message read. You smiled down at it and sighed, even with Hanse being annoying you had accomplished your goal. Better to look at the whole thing as a positive then get hung up on him acting weird. Besides it wasn’t a bad thing for him to dislike you when you thought about it. God forbid you ever became caught up, like all the race groupies that showed up at the finish line.

Sometimes the girls who eyed him looked so incredibly struck like he was their whole world. There was no way you wanted to follow him around like some sort of lost puppy. When you looked up he  was staring back at you. It took a lot not to stick out your tongue like a spoiled child. You could be mature. You could muster being an adult because the hassle wasn’t worth it. It was time to go home and celebrate, not dwell.  

Your apartment was nice and toasty. It was raining outside the perfect opportunity to sit on your couch and sip tea.   Besides wanting to win for the sake of it, the races kept you alive in a city with scarce jobs that interested you. The money wasn’t raining in but it came in steadily enough to keep you off the streets. During the day you either worked part time at the tea shop down the street or looked at old race videos. There had been a time when you wanted to make friends with other racers, but it was a jealous boys club that barely tolerated you to begin with. You also didn’t fit in very well with the race groupies. Besides Hanse, the racers didn’t really tempt you at all. They tried their best to make you feel stupid, and when they weren’t doing that you were effectively ignored. In a way it was nice that Hanse took you seriously. You thought about him again. About how he looked last night, in all balck with his stupid smile. You rubbed your face and made a frustrated noise. The mental back and forth was irritating. Better to keep your head where it belonged. The organizers kept a private page with uploaded drone footage and it helped you to study each one. Your legs were tucked under you as you watched Hanse win over and over again. He had what looked like an inch to slip past you. A margin that you wouldn’t have taken. There was no way you could slip your car into that tight line without scraping someone. He made it seem effortless. The fact that your win had been snatched so close was incredibly annoying. Your kitten Jet played with the edge of your blanket. He bit and fiddled with it until you picked him up and tucked him into your lap. “Next time we can’t leave any space.” You scratched behind his ears and he purred. “Next time we’ve got to beat him.” You spoke out loud and hoped it would be an affirmation.

The very first time he met you he knew you would be trouble. He thought you would react like everyone else did. As an incubus his presence was like a magnet to humans. He had never seen you at the races before and he thought you might be fun to play with. He had strolled up, all confidence, and leaned over you to see what you were watching on your phone. “Oh yeah, that race was really good. The guy who won came all the way from behind.” He said slowly. When you turned and locked eyes with him, he had felt the shock. A pleasurable jolt that traveled all the way up then back down his spine. He found he couldn’t speak for a moment and his silence confused you. “Do I know you?” You had asked, your eyebrow raised in question. He cleared his throat and held out his hand, “I’m Hanse,” he pitched his voice to charm but you didn’t seem affected. In fact you studied his hand for a much longer beat then he expected. He remembered his heart pumping, he remembered actually being nervous. “Nice to me you I’m…” He committed your name to memory instantly. For some reason he was determined then to know you. You weren’t giving off any of the receptive emotions he was use to. Instead you had felt guarded and before he could get you to say anything else you went back to your phone. You were ignoring him, and so easily. No matter how cliche it felt he liked you more for it. Each encounter had you opening up a little more. You went from ignoring him after a few sentences to playfully bantering here and there. It felt like he was making progress but he was beginning to wonder why any type of progress made him so happy. That couldn’t be good, couldn’t be healthy. He tried to figure out what his endgame was.

He scratched his chin and tried to think about anything else. It was bright outside, the light was filtering in through his curtains across his face. The girl he had slept with last night was tucked into a restful fetal position, she was also hogging all the covers. He saw no point in waking her up, he was feeling blissful and a little lazy after feeding off of her energy. His control was back, the on edge feeling erased. Hopefully it would last longer then a day this time. It was beginning to worry him that he needed energy sooner and sooner after absorbing it from someone. In the past he would go a whole week after one night but now he was lucky if he got two days worth. The thought was worrying so he pushed it away. He just needed to make sure he kept on his guard. The girl in his bed shifted and groaned. He patted her head and she sighed. He always had to be so careful with the amount he took from someone. She turned over and smiled at him before she stretched and got up. He gazed after her and tried his best to remember her name.

The races were loud. The usual noises, talking and laughing, people shouting, engines revving. He had been so buoyant that morning but the feeling had dwindled. He chewed his lip ring and tried his best to just let the noises wash over him. There was comfort in the familiar. He came to the races for the thrill. Charming humans had gotten boring but using his heightened senses to really push a car to its limit was challenging. Plus it made for a good location to find partners. A win all around for him truly. There was a laugh that sort of sailed above the rest and his eyes snapped open. He had been trying to focus himself. It bothered him to feel you on the edge of his senses. Your energy was like a pulse to him the strength of it only grew when he got closer. He leaned forward to look out of his car window. He was sure you were close. In typical fashion you weren’t laughing with people, your eyes were firmly glued to your phone. You laughed again so loud that the one group of people around you looked over in curiosity. His hands were working at the lock on his door. He stepped out and tried not to head straight for you. That would be incredibly awkward. He wasn’t going to race today, he had only come to find someone new. He had rules about avoiding you but your laugh was pulling him closer and closer. By the time you looked up he was there. “Oh,” and your smile diminished. He could feel your heart pickup and he didn’t feel an outright wave of animosity. He cocked his head and tried to make his smile harmless, “hey,” he brushed some of his hair back, “are you up today?” He asked. You shook your head. “No,” you shoved your phone away, “what about you?” He heard what you said but he was also stuck on the way you were chewing your bottom lip. “No, but I was bored tonight so I came anyways.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, “guess I’ll have to bother you all night.” He chuckled and half expected you to be annoyed with the prospect. Instead you shrugged and indicated the vacant space next to you. “Sure, I’m not gonna stop you.” You said.

It was probably the worst idea to give into the curious pulling feeling you felt in your stomach. But it was hard to resist him when he cocked his head and smiled like that. He was in fitted dark jeans, Doc Martins, and a comfy looking white sweater. His legs looked a million miles long. Unfair.  His dark hair still looked damp presumably from a shower. You blushed thinking about it, do not imagine him in the shower…He shivered next to you and let out a deep sigh. The tug you felt around him was pulling tight. You leaned a little closer and put your hand on his arm, “you cold?” It was the only thing you could think to say. His mouth kicked up into a smirk, he shook his head, “really hot actually.” He blinked slowly, his tongue peeked out passing over his lower lip. His skin did feel really warm under your hand. You took your hand back, crossing them a little under your chest. It took a lot of will power for you to focus on anything but the tension. Look at the cars or the people laughing or- “Did you get anything to eat before you came?” He nibbled at his lip ring absently, “I’m kinda starving.” Don’t give in. You wouldn’t be able to survive the pull in a car. It was too close and even though you were mostly sure you wouldn’t beg for his touch, it was very very dangerous to chance it. As much as your mind was racking up all the reasons getting into the car with him was a bad idea there was the part of you that urged you to try racing in the first place. The adrenaline hungry part of your nature was whispering all sorts of ideas. If you can race a car through city streets multiple times and keep your nerve then what was riding with Hanse. Nothing. Not a single thing to worry about. “I guess I could eat.” You finally said, you stretched your arms over your head and tried your very best loosen up, “I can’t remember what I had for dinner.” “Awww, then we have to get something really good.” His eyes were sparking, the darkness in them seemed to glitter.

He licked his lips enjoying the roll of emotions you sent his way. They were like flavors on his tongue. First curiosity, sweet but subtle it made him want to lean over and taste more. Then there was the nervousness, butterflies, also subtle. He smacked his lips and savored the strongest flavor…lust. Truthfully it was the most familiar to him but at the same time coming from you it was much different. The effect was making him sluggish, the flavor starting to cloud his mind. “Can I roll down the window?” Your voice, far away. He nodded then became instantly angry that he agreed. The wind blasted your scent away and it returned some of his higher thought. Not a lot of higher thought but enough that he leaned more to his side of the car, he didn’t want to scare you away. He was hungry for you but not hungry enough to push too hard. “Do you do anything else besides race?” His hands were firmly on the wheel. “Like do you have a day job?” “A tea shop downtown.” When he looked over your eyes were gazing out of the window, “what about you? What do you do during the day?” You asked and the curious feeling he tasted before intensified. “Work on my car usually, sometimes I work on other people’s too for some extra cash.” And try to make sure whatever partner he had that night (if he had one) was ok before they left. He was an Incubus but that didn’t mean he had to be an asshole. He knew of others who could care less about their partners, who drained them until they could barely function. The idea made his skin crawled. Besides being a shitty thing to do, it definitely wasn’t smart. Eventually a human would get wise about why they were feeling so crappy after sex. None would make the leap that they were being attacked by a demon, but still they would realize something wasn’t right. The other’s of his kind lived nomadically. Wondering and feeding with no solid address. Because he wasn’t greedy it was easy to keep a little apartment, and even some friends. He was proud of the little life he had carved out for himself. “That sounds nice, I need to dedicate more time to tune ups.” You said. He took the corner a bit too quickly and felt a spike in your energy. Anger. He looked at you again, confusion etching his face. “Whats wrong?” He spoke before he realized maybe he shouldn’t have let on about feeling what you felt. “Nothing.” The word was firm. The anger spiked harder. There was a perfect spot near the restaurant, he paralleled smoothly into the space showing off a little. When he put his car into park he revved the engine until you glared at him. He couldn’t help himself he liked the way your anger tasted. “I said something that bothered you?” He asked. You set your lips and shook your head slowly. So stubborn. Anybody would be putty in his hands, melting, begging. “You didn’t say anything that bothered me.” The emphasis you put on ‘say’ made him lean forward. “I did something that made you upset?” The way you pursed your lips briefly before huffing out a breath. “You took a tighter line on the last turn.” Your eyebrows pulled together, “I was going to win.” He made a very exaggerated “oh” face, “second place still isn’t bad.” He played with his lip ring and shrugged, “you still cracked the top 5,” he lifted his hand and ever so gently tapped the tip of your nose, “you should be proud of yourself.” The touch stunned you in such a cute way. He could close the distance, the anger was mixing with something else. He leaned away and turned the car off, “aren’t you hungry?”

It felt like tides, rising, falling. Back then forth, push and pull. Maybe you would be dizzy with someone else but with Hanse it kept you engaged. He teased you but did it in such a way that you couldn’t muster up any real anger. You couldn’t decide if his flirting was just a joke or if it was him actually shooting his shot. “Why pancakes?” He asked. “Because I like breakfast food,” you started cutting your pancakes purposefully, “it’s good any time of day.” “A little rebel.” He mused. You poured syrup and shook your head, “pancakes don’t make me a rebel.” “Being in the races does.” He countered then sipped from his milkshake. You frowned. “Don’t make that face,” He warned, “It’s way too cute.”  Then without skipping a beat, “you really work on your on car?” You let the cute comment go and nodded, “yeah and I buy my own parts, I have to work on it myself.” You spoke in between bites. “Keeps me busy.” Your lips felt sticky from the syrup and you took a moment to lick your them. “Who taught you about cars,” when you looked up he was leaning forward, his focus was very clear. He was watching your mouth pointedly. “The internet.”  The sentence didn’t come out as snarky as you wanted it to be. All your snark evaporated apparently when he looked at you like you were a treat. Your stomach felt like it was tied into shivering knots. There was the curiosity pulling you to lean forward and forget about your pancakes. “You can really learn a lot on the world wide web.” It was his turn to laugh, “I guess you’re right.” He granted. He looked down at your plate, “be nice,” he leaned in, your heart picked up speed, “let me have the last bite?” It was like a scene out of one of those cheesy romance movies. You speared the last few pieces and floated the fork towards his mouth. He had such a nice mouth, it was unfair in a way. Attractive and funny, the universe really gave other people all the gifts. He opened his mouth and bit down, an appreciative hum came from him while he chewed. “Good?” You asked, knowing that he was either going to say something funny or something to make you burn hotter than you already were. “I really like sweet things.” He kept his eyes on you and it felt like you weren’t out in public at a little cafe. He traced his finger down your hand and seemed satisfied when you shivered. “Instead of going back to the races,” he started to trace his finger back up as he spoke, “we can head to my place and see what else is sweet?”

You didn’t say no. It would have been impossible and in the end pointless. There was nothing wrong with exploring this feeling. The lusting part of you explained away your willingness easily. A one night stand with Hanse wasn’t going to kill you. Not sleeping with him wasn’t going to win you any awards either. So you might as well give in and treat yourself to something nice. He drove with one hand on your thigh and you didn’t protest the contact. The warm weight of his hand made your stomach flutter. His head bobbed to the music on the radio and he beamed pleasantly. Every so often he gave you thigh a little squeeze, and the flutter in your stomach happened decidedly lower in your body when he did that. “Can I ask you something?” He glanced over at you and nodded, “sure.” “The other day before the race we were talking, and then you just turned and walked away,” He made a thinking face then blushed. You couldn’t believe it, but yes, that was a blush. The color spread from his ears to his cheeks. Now you really had to know, “are you blushing?” “It’s embarrassing.” He offered. “Tell me!” You sat up straighter and waited, “please? You can’t blush like that and not say why.” It felt like he was stalling. Which made you want to know even more. He turned into a parking structure and revved the engine again. The ramp was curved and he took it fast enough to make you sit back. Round and round, up and up until he got near the top. His parking spot was right near the elevator. His car fit like a glove. “Smooth.” You commented, “but don’t think I forgot the question.” You warned. He rolled his eyes, gave your thigh one last squeeze, and then hopped out. He walked around and opened your door before you could. “Come on,” he pulled your hand, “I’ll tell you if you insist.” He granted.   He pulled you along the beige hallway, humming to himself as he went. The building felt lived in and warm. Not like the trendy high rises downtown. He stopped at number 577 and pulled his keys out, “it’s a little messy,” he warned. “I’m sure it’s fine.” It was fine. His little living room and kitchen were very neat. Yeah there was a basket of clean clothes that he looked like he was folding next to the couch and maybe one dirty dish or two in the sink. You took your shoes off, following his example and padded in. Past the living room was a hallway that you guessed led to the bathroom. “Can I use your restroom?” You asked. He nodded and quickly pointed you in the right direction, “straight back.” He said.

He washed his hands at the kitchen sink, the familiar motions helped him slow his mind down to focus. Your scent and the flavor that came with it felt like it was filling his apartment. It made the other part of him, the supernatural part push to the forefront. This part of him was bored with the flirting game. This part of him was impatient. It craved the pleasure, and washing his hands helped him keep calm.   He had no idea his evening was going to go this way, and when he went over how you had ended up in his apartment he couldn’t quite figure out what made you agree to come with him. He hadn’t used any of his power, he just liked talking to you. The banter was fun and felt completely natural. He didn’t have to force himself to pay attention, he seemed to just naturally hang on every word, and laugh at all of your jokes, and- “Your apartment is really nice.” He turned to the sound of your voice and tasted lust like a candy melting on his tongue. You stood leaning against the cabinets behind him. You didn’t look particularly sinful but you certainty were giving off lust in waves. “So, you said you would tell me why you ditched me last time.?” You played with your fingers and he smelled your nervousness before he tasted it. A little tart. He pulled a hand through his hair and tried to think of a way to explain. “Don’t lie.” You warned. He swallowed, he could tell you a part of the truth. Get closer he allowed himself to take a few steps. “It’s embarrassing.” He tried to pout but failed when you looked up at him through your eyelashes. “It’s fine, I'm too curious now.” He had planned on stopping ahead of you, so that he could keep some space between the two of you. But his body had other plans he ended up leaning forward placing his hands on either side of the counter, caging you in. “You smelled really good.” He said. That was enough of the truth to make him feel like he wasn’t lying. He watched you consider his answer, it was harder and harder for him to concentrate. He titled his head and really inhaled every bit of you. “Good?” The little sing song way you echoed the word made his body shudder. You turned your face up and his lips were only inches away. He felt so starved for you. “So good,” He licked his lips and moved as deliberately as he could. He had enough control to stop himself if you wanted him to. You said nothing only met him the rest of the way and kissed him like he had never been kissed before. The rush was better than any race, any amount of speed he had pushed his car to. It was better then the first time he tasted lust. Your lips were everything. The perfect amount of softness and pressure. He felt your hands in his hair pulling him closer, you wanted him just as much and when you pulled away to bite at his lower lip he almost lost his mind. He worked your mouth living for the little hums you made. You moaned when he dragged his kisses down your neck. The sound made him shudder again, he could taste your energy. So close already. He kissed you right at your pressure point then bit down. The shock of it made you shiver. Your hands were around his neck now, pulling him in tightly. He put his hands to your butt and lifted you to sit on the counter. Better. More access, you threw your legs around his waist. Every soft sigh and little moan you let out made him want more in the worst way.

He held you on the counter, not sure how much time was passing until you pulled away, “bedroom.” He blinked at the word, the rational none pleasure focused part of his mind needed a moment to catch up. You touched his face, and stared into his eyes, “wow, your eyes look-” He closed them, willing the demon part of himself back. Of course you would notice. It was his fault, his mistake to kiss you in a well lit kitchen. He almost laughed at himself. You didn’t give him enough time to do that, you ghosted your lips over his again and whispered, “let’s go back to the bedroom.” He opened his eyes and slipped his arms around your waist. “Don’t judge me-” “Don’t even start, this place is spotless compared to mine.” The mixture of feelings he tasted and smelled from you almost scrambled his brain again. Taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom seemed like the biggest effort but he managed it. You followed, “you know you have a envelope like right in your bathroom sink, did you put it there so you wouldn’t forget to mail it?” He paused and looked down at you, “an envelope?” Luckily his place wasn’t too big. He only had to take a few more steps to see the big gold envelope. You had tried to place it back in its original spot but it had fallen to the floor. A chill crept its way up his spine. Your hand holding his felt like an anchor. “Hanse?” Distantly he heard you calling his name. You couldn’t see the writing on the front of the envelope. It was a sort of script that hid itself from humans very well. “Do, Hanse please open immediately.” He bent down and picked it up. Bad news, all bad news came in gold envelopes. “What is it?” You asked. You sounded worried and he knew he couldn’t keep ignoring you. “Well,” he swallowed and tried to find some of his usual humor, “how do you feel about an adventure?” “An adventure?” You cocked your head and he smelled curiosity. He nodded, “yeah an inconvenient one?” He fully expected you to let his hand go. You would yell at him for wasting your time then demand to be taken back to your car, and he would miss out on ever getting you in his apartment again. Miss out on the way you taste and all the energy he could feel just brimming under your skin. But on the other hand once you yelled, got back to your car, and decided to never speak to him again he knew you would be safe. He could live with that in a way, he had lived long enough to understand that being greedy never worked out in the end. He waited and you stared at him. Any second now…

You shrugged, “why not? I’m not doing anything I guess.” It was his turn to be absolutely baffled. You squeezed his hand, “as long as I get a prize at the end.” “A prize?” He thought that over. “Yeah, I’m not gonna be inconvenienced and get nothing for it.” You hugged his arm and for a moment he wasn’t so mad at the summons. An adventure meant more time…      

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Horse info 101

A horse girl’s guide to the basics for fic writing with an important and lively horse involved:

This got kinda long I’m kinda sorry but not at all lol 

There's three basic gaits (speeds with different patterns of hoof-fall/leg movements

Walking is the slowest and is a four beat gait, meaning each foot hits the ground at a different time. Usually the same pace as a walking human when the horse is calm. Some breeds can walk HELLA fast though. Most horses will fill the same spot/hole where their front hoof was with their back hoof on the same side. If they overstep they clip their fetlock (joint lookin bit above the hoof) or pastern (bit between the hoof and fetlock) and can injure themselves. 

Now trotting. The middle gait, a person can jog next to a trot at a comfortable pace but if you push them a little horses can trot faster than your average HS track endurance athlete. Once again some breeds can trot HELLA fast. This is a two beat gait in that two diagonally opposite legs are moving in unison. In some english saddles (I’ll get into that later if we have class time) it’s easier to post while the horse is trotting rather than sit for the gait. That just means you stand up in the irons (stirrups on an english saddle, we’ll also cover that later) at the same time that one of the front legs moves forward. 

Also, see how the trotting horse’s head looks? That’s how they travel when they’re relaxed and attentive. The tucked head thing you see Roach doing is because there’s tension on the reigns and Henry learned to ride for an english seat not a western pleasure seat (might get into those but they’re really not important)

Time for the Canter/Lope. This is a three beat gait so that means two legs are moving in unison and the other two are not. Horses canter/lope fast. This is the go-time gait. Some performance/dressage horses are trained to canter extremely slow but if we’re talking transportation trained horses they’re not gonna be that kind of slow. Your average human is not gonna be able to keep up with this for long if at all. This varies in speed too. There's a rather casual canter seen in the gif directly below, then below that is the balls to the wall canter/lope that most horse people just refer to as a run. That’s as fast as they can go.

Basic tack names

Halter + Lead/Lead Rope - these can be made of rope, leather, nylon (more modern) but the halter is generally used for leading and tying.

Bridle - this is the one that you use while you ride, it holds the bit in their mouth. There’s millions of different types of bridles but they’re usually made out of leather even now. sometimes you get rope/nylon ones but I don’t trust them.

Reins - connect to the bit and you use them to steer and control speed. Horses trained in western or one handed riding will ‘neck rein’ which means if you move your hand to the right and the left rein brushes their neck they will move to the right.

Bit - the metal piece in the horses mouth. most english riding bits are broken (joint in the middle) and most western ones are solid. there’s a gap behind the horse’s front teeth and that’s where the metal sits. Some horses have smaller mouths than others and do better with solid bits because the ‘broken’ ones will hit the top of their mouth and hurt. There’s also things called ‘shanks’ on some bits which are just longer pieces of metal that attach to the sides of the pieces in their mouth and point downward. This gives the rider more leverage and makes any tug on the reins stronger. (google “Horse bit shank” if this doesn’t make sense)

Saddle - you sit in it. simple right? wrong. There’s two main types of saddles, Western - with the horn like you see in the running gif, and English- the loping gif without the horn. The saddles used in the Witcher look like the pre-english saddle versions but the basic parts you need to know are the same. The part where you ass goes? that’s the seat. the part right in front of your crotch? That’s the pomel. that’s your ‘oh shit handle’ if anything goes screwy (other than the mane). The part that sticks up and keeps your ass in place? That’s the cantle. I like western saddles SO MUCH MORE but i also grew up mainly riding western so im biased. 

Stirrups/Irons - stirrups and irons are where your feet go. In western saddles they’re called stirrups and they’ve got wider decorative leather flaps (called fenders, also originally added to protect trousers/legs from the horse sweat and the buckles of the cinch) and on english saddles they’re called irons because they are usually made of iron and rather slim. Geralt’s irons look pretty similar to modern ones, slim leather straps, minimal iron (or steel or any other strong metal really). Traditional english riders have knee high boots like you see in regency costumes which removes the need for the fenders like on western saddles. 

Cinch/girth - this is what keeps the saddles on. You take a strap and attach it to one side of the saddle, run it under the belly right behind their front legs and attach it to the other side. Its usually made of a strong fabric with wool or some kind of softer lining for western riding. English riding uses a leather one most of the time though this horse girl hates them because they’re harder to cinch up. English saddles use buckles while Western saddles use another leather strap to run through the chinch/girth buckle and you either tie it off or use it like a belt. 

Chest strap - this keeps the saddle from sliding backwards. It’s attached to both sides of the saddle by buckles and between the front legs its attached to the cinch/girth. this is pretty universal but not always used. Geralt uses one though. 

Saddle pad - goes under the saddle to protect the baby’s back and whithers (spot where the neck meets the back and the mane ends)

Tacking up and untacking takes time. This is usually 5-10 minutes when done at a leisure pace and done right.

Basic grooming

Brush down before tacking up - you don’t want stuff chaffing the pony while you ride

brush after untacking- helps clear skin of irritants and feels nice

Shedding scraper/curry comb to get rid of shedding hair - if you want a pic of these just google them I think I’m close to the pic limit for my post. 

HOOF PICK - keep the baby's feet clean and clear if rocks so they don't bruise but also so nothing get infected

Yes, plz brush their mane it gets MATTED - a hairbrush works but a wide tooth comb is best

Horses roll to itch their backs and clean off, sounds counterintuitive with the dirt but it works

Shaving a little spot for the bridle to sit is pretty modern but it's easier for everyone involved

Horse Colors- guys roach is not brown she’s a chestnut color

The only thing I have to add to this is that the “Leopard” one is called “appaloosa” in the US at least, and “Pinto” is also reffered to as “Paint” and there’s all sorts of different patterns that you can see. also i want a buckskin so bad. yes i was obsessed with Spirit as a child why do you ask?

Travel care of your babies

Horses CAN and have subsisted off roadside grasses and grazing at night BUT it's good for them to get a lil something extra ESPECIALLY if you’re keeping them in a stall at night where they can’t graze.

Hay and grains like cracked wheat, oats, barley and the like are commonly found in horse feed. Also a lil drizzle of molasses is chock full of calories and all my horses LOVE the taste.

also while we’re talking food: some horses cant keep all the juice/bits in their mouth when they eat apples (we fondly call it making applesauce) or other treats/veg. Yes it gets all over your hand, yeah its kinda gross, but there’s worse things.

Shoes. Babe's need horse shoes. Especially if they're walking over rocks and roads.

Throwing a shoe (when it comes off on accident) is painful sometimes and if left un-dealt with can affect their joints and spine. Imagine walking around in one heeled shoe and one athletic shoe all day. Ow.

On that note though, on lighter travel seasons it's nice to give their hooves a break from shoes (also cheaper)

Horse moods:

horse mood ear chart here: I cant add much tbh

If a horse is comfortable/happy/relaxed they will ‘chew’ on nothing. Just kina a little lip smack type deal. My horse’s bottom lip would hang a couple centimeters below his top one when he was relaxed and I would put my chapstick in it while I fussed with other things.

When a horse is uncomfrotable/scared/tense their lips get sealed tight. I call it ‘fish butt lips’ bc they’re watertight and NOTHING is getting in there. 

Stamping hooves can be a few things. Antsy and ready to roll, nervous, deadass scared, or playful/excited. 

A full whinny is communication - saying hi, warning, scared, etc.

the really soft whinny is called a nicker and its my favorite sound okay? that’s little soft communication and its usually reserved for times when they’re comfortable.

When they’re really relaxed they’ll cock one of their back legs kinda how we shift our weight to one hip. 

general fun facts:

Some horses fake limp when they don’t want to work bc they are lazy and smart and realize their person will get off and check them out and maybe even give them a rest. 

You do a preliminary leg injury test by running your hands slowly over their legs and checking for hot spots - inflammation caused by injury is warm

Basic horse saftey is never stand directly in front of the horse if theres a possibility of spooking, if you’re gonna walk behind them walk out of reach of their hooves or right up against that ass. If they cant get a good wind up it wont do as much damage (on that note though I rode/trained horses for 18 years and was only kicked once by a foal). 

It’s kinda common sense not to walk/sidestep between your horses legs and under their belly but we do it all the time bc its a trust thing? adrenaline? its fun?

laying on your horse’s back sans saddle, and facing their butt is so nice okay, that ass is soft and cushy and perfect for a nap. I miss laying on my horses while they ate like this every damn day. 

Horses can sense your moods. Not unlike the whole ‘witchers smelling you’ thing. They can feel a difference in the tension on the reins and in your posture when you’re tense or relaxed.

Some horses will take care of their riders, some are absolute shits and push the limits for funsies. Some horses will only behave for people they’re used to too. Some horses have trauma from being mistreated and will have triggers kinda like people do. We had a horse who would freak the fuck out if anyone walked around with a red had but as soon as you took it off she was the most level headed horse we had.

A good portion of horses (Who aren’t scared of children) will behave better with kiddos or novice riders because they feel they’re nervous.

If they hurt while they’re moving they usually limp but sometimes they’ll buck. It’s their defense mechanism. 

Horses can’t sleep for too long laying down because their body weight will collapse their lungs. Most horses sleep standing up.

They can sit like a dog and it’s hella cute. 

Stung by bees? Most horses will take off at a dead sprint bucking and hopping unless you’ve done a lot of trust work/training with them

They also run and jump and buck and rear to play.

If theres two horses in a pasture together one will chew at the other’s whithers (or anywhere else) to ask them to scratch them the same way. its very cute and they sometimes try this with people.

horses hug. I cry. 

the whole deal with the rider/horse relationship is it’s a mutual trust you’re building. They let you sit on their back and do weird shit and you trust them not to throw you.  

Thank you for coming to class today! If there’s any questions feel free to message me! I’m not kidding I wanna answer your questions and I miss my horses so this is fun for me.

@elliestormfound​ here it is boo! lol 

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[tundrainafrica]

All the HCs and side materials aside, who do you think was closer to Levi, Erwin or Hange? While there was this acker host thing with Erwin but it was debunked. Meanwhile he hasn't even acknowledged Hange's sacrifice even once so theres that too.

Oh god, so yes I have wanted to answer this ask for a while, thought of pushing it until night time today but I got locked out of the office though thirty minutes before my shift so let me just cope with the stress by giving my feedback on this because I feel like I have already explained my side to a lot of people but I’d rather have it immortalized in my blog at this point. 

Okay first question

Who do you think was closer to Levi, Erwin or Hange?

I find this question thought provoking but I don’t like these types of questions because they tend to start fights? And they tend to cause unnecessary drama both in real life and online. And relationships are so hard to quantify like of course there's a clear line between acquaintance and best friend but the nuances between siblings, lover, best friend and parent are a little more complex because we all have a lot of people we care about deeply but can we easily say who we love more?

(this is still a great question though anon, thank you for asking it.)

It’s literally like the epitome of asking ur parents “who’s your favorite child” or “who do you love more your best friend for so many years or your girl friend of like two years who you met, clicked then realized they were the love of your life.” Who will you save when in a burning building? your wife? Or your parents? Or your siblings? Your best friend?

Such problematic questions which I think a lot of us in our lives would rather never have to answer, especially in front of our loved ones. 

I am not making assumptions about what type of relationship Levi had with Erwin or what type of relationship Levi had with Hange in this post because I don’t wanna start shipping wars in this very peaceful website. (But, I ship Levihan and will probably die with this ship close to my heart so you can make assumptions about my opinions on Levi and Hange’s relationship based on that.) 

But the point is, Erurihan has always been special. Levi held a lot of people close to his heart over the years but I found that trio to have notably been the closest and Erwin and Hange have changed Levi’s lives the most. 

Would Levi have played favorites between them?? NO. Because Erwin and Hange were such different people that putting them side by side and thinking “who did Levi love more”  is like comparing apples to oranges, putting them side by side and thinking which fruit tastes better.

Because Hange and Erwin offered different things to Levi. Literally, Erwin became that next purpose for Levi after he lost his two best friends. He saw wonder in Erwin’s eyes, he saw a leader, he saw someone who can guide him to a bigger purpose and he trusted Erwin so deeply and Erwin trusted him back and even as a Levihan fan, I might actually admit that early on in the series, Levi was probably much closer to Erwin than Hange. Fine I admit it he probably was. 

But Hange offered something else to Levi. While Erwin offered a path, Hange offered wonder, curiosity. She offered Levi things to think about beyond the survey corps job. I mean Erwin was practically married to his job right. Hange was practically married to her job too but I found Hange more... approachable? Warmer overall? I mean if you actually see Eren’s interactions with the three of them or you watch from Season 1, you would realize that Hange was really the most approachable survey corps veteran from the start (other than petra).

And I think Levi really appreciated that part of her and saw it as something worth entertaining. He completely believed in Erwin, Erwin gave him a purpose in life but Hange was the one who added color to it, she actually added something beyond that purpose. She made him feel things he probably wouldn’t have felt elsewhere. 

Annoyance? Anger? Defeat at how someone could be so enthusiastic and dense? Curiosity? Someone who might have made him think that maybe, soldiering and survey corps-ing and almost being eaten by titans everyday wasn’t so bad. And maybe there is joy in the domestic in betweens?  

Another thing, here’s what Hange had that Erwin didn’t have, she had the luxury of time, she also had the luxury of circumstances on her side, of having been the only one left out of the veterans for Levi to cling on to. This made it more natural for a deeper friendship and relationship to develop between the two. So if Hange is closer to Levi than Erwin is, then it’s because of the circumstances that it made it so, post season 3.

If Erwin lived, the dynamics of erurihan would have definitely developed differently. But I never considered the possibiliy of Erwin living instead of Hange since Levi picking Armin just felt really in character and right for me. So yeah, it’ll probably stay a shallow speculation until the end haha.  

And about this second question...

“Meanwhile he hasn't even acknowledged Hange's sacrifice even once so theres that too.” 

Yo. Just a reminder, Hange died like roughly an hour or two ago manga time. Levi is literally internally bleeding, the shit show just never stopped for a second and for some reason people are expecting Levi to give a nod at Hange’s death. 

Okay yes, she did mean a lot to him. But lemme give you the explanation which has been sticking to me for a really long time.  

Levi is clowning. Like literally, I don’t think he has even acknowledged that Hange is dead yet. We have concrete hints that he is. After ‘dedicate your heart’ he just walked away and didn’t look back. It’s in the fact that he didn’t even look out the window to watch her die and in the fact that his last words were “see you later” like I’m pretty sure he’s thinking to himself “Yeah, like I know she is probably gonna die objectively but… Just, what if… she lives?? 

Just like all of us Hange stans in the website yo with our beast titan theory, Levi is just the biggest clown of us all (since he is the biggest Hange stan anyway...).  He decided (unconsciously or consciously) to ‘pretend’ that Hange’s still alive maybe until the end of the war just so that he could possibly function at least (?). 

I mean I’m pretty sure we’ve all done this in our lives. Especially when we’ve lost someone we’ve loved dearly or maybe when we’re saying good bye to someone in the airport where we’re just laughing our heads off with that person all the way until the departure gate when they say good bye and we only break down when we’re home alone. Like I’m pretty sure it’s similar for people who have lost someone, kept themselves busy with funeral preparations and memorial services and only start experiencing the loss when they go back to normal life and realize they have to clean out someone’s bedroom or fix their daily routine to adjust to the loss of that loved one.

Maybe Levi will finally acknowledge it when everything goes back to normal and he finds Hange’s office empty and he realizes he doesn’t have his buddy to have tea with every night. And if Yams decides not to write or insert that, I’ll probably just speculate it myself and keep this theory alive. 

I actually wrote a drabble about this a long time ago. You can read it here.

Anyway, thanks for reading!