#cause she doesnt want to lose anyone anymore

[ladysophiebeckett]

marcela does a lot of cruel things throughout the series but i think her true moment of traditional telenovela villainy is that dinner she has with margarita and patricia, (the day betty gets made president) where she basically states 'yeah i know armando is still in love with her and i know beatriz is still in love with him but she believes everything in the letter and she has no way to disprove it. and armando has no witnesses to speak on his favor.'

and she's very smug about it:

in marcela's head she believes the only one she's really hurting by withholding this information is beatriz, how armando feels is not even much of an afterthought. marcela puts herself and her needs first. which is understandable. she has no incentive to help beatriz and why would she? she sees beatriz as the reason why her relationship with armando deteriorated even tho it's actually more complicated than that.

of course armando knows he doesn't have witnesses or anything to prove that in middle of everything he did truly fall in love with her and he's not going to ask anyone for help. mario offers to talk to her (tho not seriously) and even patricia says mario could tell betty the truth but marcela knows betty would never believe the author of the letter.

her only goal is to keep armando by her side. i dont know if she knows that she's hurting him or if she justifies her own actions as a consequence of his past actions towards her. or maybe its something she knows she's doing but doesn't care. (im gonna let the audience decide that bc im not even sure how i feel about that).

we see armando go through hell after betty disappears but when she returns he never once thinks to tell her about what exactly happened after she went away. he only says 'all the damage i did to myself' but never elaborates and betty never asks. it's deliberate that armando never tells her about his state of mind during that period of time bc he knows that to do so would be seen as a form of manipulation. that's not how you prove to someone that you've changed. and that's aside from him knowing that she would never believe him. (bc we know she wouldn't). he loves betty and although he's not yet at the point of truly understanding just how much pain and damage he's caused her, he would never want her to take him back bc she feels sorry for him.

meanwhile, way before the truth of the embargo happens, marcela tells him she would never survive him ending their engagement. that it would just as bad as when her parents died.

his face is immediately affected and she knows. she knows that the only way to keep him is through manipulation. and later on, participating in the act of withholding information that could help him, but again she doesn't see it as helping him. and never actually does. when she gives beatriz this information, it's actually in her attempt to save the company her father co founded. bc up until the last minute she was still holding out hope that betty's indifference to armando would push him back to her. not understanding that armando's changed indefinitely. he's not going to be manipulated by her again and he's not going to stoop to his past behaviors bc it never did him or anyone any good to begin with.

[xxlelaxx]

Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard

[valenschmidt]

Ok so this is how the Buddie canon timeline works in my brain:

8A: Eddie has a moment of introspection and realizes he's gay in Texas... He starts remembering his past and all the things he repressed over the years with his parents and how he probably idealized his relationship with Shannon because she was his friend and he loved her and finally moves on while also talking to Chris and mending their relationship (with Chris also getting to understand his dad a little bit more... that he is human and makes mistakes and all the things he went through). While having this realization at the same time he realizes he might be in love with his very amazing, kind, supportive golden retriever best friend but he CAN'T cause Buck is a man and he's not ready but oh he loves him as easy as breathing

Meanwhile Buck keeps dating Tommy but realizes along the way that Tommy is not a good match for him and doesn't really listen to him or understand and breaks up with him because he's not what he wants. He wants to feel loved, and respected and valued in his relationship.

8B: We get Eddie newly out as a gay man (with a lot of happy tears and hugs from the firefam) and Eddie tiptoeing into the dating pool of men because he doesn't want to tell Buck because he's afraid of hurting him and losing him like he hurt Shannon because of how terrible he is as a husband and a boyfriend while also still freaking out a bit about the interested in men thing but it's getting better (Bonus points if we get Eddie being flirted on by a man on a call and him getting all flustered while Buck boils with rage and doesnt understand why) and Eddie realizes that his type in men are pretty much Buck lookalikes and the fact that he will never be able to date another man. Buck is it for him

On the other hand we have Buck... realizing that he doesn't want to date around anymore. That he doesn't care to get to know anyone and he's tired. He wants a family. He wants kids. He WANTS. And then one day while he's at Eddie's house he has his Oh moment while watching Eddie and Chis interact and he thinks. "This is what I've been looking for. They are my family" but freaks out completely because Eddie's his best friend and doesn't want to lose him because of his stupid feelings for him

This realizations get them to be really awkward around eachother and very distant to the point the other notices and thinks the other realized about their feelings... This culminates with an emergency where they get trapped or very close to getting really hurt with a confession in the season finale (which in a perfect world ends on a cliffhanger where we don't know what happens next - with the emergency and the confession)

9A: We pick up right from where we left of and we get our big emergency. By the end of it we get the other to admit their own feelings and we get Buddie canon in ep 3 with a kiss in Eddie's kitchen and we get to see their relationship develop

I CAN'T HANDLE A TIME JUMP ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP I JUST CANT

The rest of 9A is Buddie secret relationship ❤️

That's it... Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i dont know how to articulate this correctly but... sometimes i think about how saiki is so mentally disconnected and isolated from other people, and his powers make it feel impossible to understand them, esp because he hasnt had any faith in humanity since he was a kid (hes also so autistic but shh he probably doesnt know yet)

and so he truly doesnt understand the nuances and complexity of love+friendship+relationships etc... so imagine how confused he could get during times where his relationships get deeper/more complicated

examples ?? (warning for very brief sa+abuse+suicidal thoughts mention in the second one) -

accidentally making one of his friends mad and hearing their thoughts, which are purely from frustration and anger in the moment, about hating and not wanting to be around him.. makes him think they genuinely dont want to be as friend at all anymore, so ONE argument makes him think hes ruined his friendship with them forever and he doesnt think to just apologize, immediately shutting down and just "going away" instead because he thinks thats actually what they want

not understanding why people feel sympathy for him when he talks about tragic things in/about his life, especially when he even dulls it down as to not reveal his powers, (ie: his brother literally trying to murder, humiliate, and borderline sa him OR having one or multiple bullying incidents in elementary school that caused him to lose all his friends and change schools OR saying that the only reason he decidedly hasnt offed himself yet is cuz itd make his mom sad) and mentioning those things a little too casually, then thinking people are trying to pity him and telling the people who are just trying to help to shut the fuck up ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

^a specific but not quite as angsty one, offhandedly mentioning once that he had a big crush on a guy from another class but he helped set them up with someone else even though it upset him, because he just wanted to see him happy and he never had a chance anyway (bro was def straight too) and his friends being like ...hey thats really sad im sorry you felt like that :(( and him being like ?? whats sad about that. hes happy, and its not like im completely devastated or anything. shut the fuck up.

teruhashi getting over her crush on him and no longer seeking him out as often, and he's immediately upset and confused because now he thinks that she ONLY cared about him when she thought she was going to get something more than friendship from it so he doesnt believe she ever saw him as a true friend..

(similar to the first one, slightly different situation) getting into an argument with one of the friends he sees every single day and still expecting them to at least BE there the next day, and when they arent because theyre avoiding him, his first thought isnt "i should seek them out and apologize" its "wow it was so easy for them to just let go of me, i clearly have formed a dependency and feel like i need them more than they need me. especially now that i know they dont feel the same, i should sever that attachment."

SO YEAH anyway, he genuinely does not believe that he has anyone he can trust enough to actually talk through this stuff with+doesn't even think its that bad so he just sits and tries to feel numb at the bottom of the ocean or on the moon haha what a guy...

[ariscats]

Jameson analyzes part 2: Traumas (or a very long rant against Emily Laughin, who I cant be bother to learn how to spell her last name)

“Cause I've made some real big mistakes/ But you make the worst one look fine/ I should've known it was strange/ You only come out at night/ I used to think I was smart/ But you made me look so naive/ The way you sold me for parts/ As you sunk your teeth into me, oh/ Bloodsucker, famefucker/ Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire”

So there is this girl, who comes at his house every summer and has a heart diesse. She cant live so everyone has to do whatever she asks to make it up for it. Then one day she gets a surgery and now she gets to live, and who is her ticket to living? Jameson and Grayson.

Emily is his first kiss. However, 3 seconds after SHE KISSES HIS BROTHER WHO HE ALREADY INSECURE ABOUT BECAUSE OF HIS F. GRANDFATHER. And you have to be pretty dumd to not realize that what emily really wanted in the scene is Grayson to kiss her and she just used Jameson because she could (I still can’t believe that Emily did “loved” Gray more than Jameson).

Then she moves to his city and goes to his school. And, as far as a bitch she is, she must have been rl something because she became the most popular girl at school.

(Now, this is where things get tricky. I’m going to use the version fo what I believe happened. If you have another version you can picture like that)

Then they start dating. They borh want to live and do things because they can rather because they should. She got her golden ticket to freedom and he got the attention he’s been craving his whole life. They do everything together because she wants more and he wants more and nothing is never enough for them. So Jameson takes her to do everything they have the right to because Jameson is, at te end of the day, a good boyfriend.

But, its still not enough for Emily. Because she goes after fucking Grayson AND HE DOES THE SAME TING AS JAMESON BECAUSE THEY ARE THE OPOSITE SIDE OF THE SAME COIN.

Then they start fighting. Best friends for their whole life, but they slowly start to hate each other because fucking Emily turned everything INTO A GAME, MAKING LOVE A GAME THE SAME WAY TJEIR FAMILY HAS BEEN TRAUMATAZING THEM THEIR WHOLE LIFES. AND SHE KEEPS A FUCKING SCORE OF WHO HAS MORE POINTS, BY VOICE RECORDING.

Then one beautifull day Rebecca decides that betrayl by both ends doesnt hurts and tells Jameson about the scores and sends him the audio Emily made.

Jameson Hawthorne had to listen the girl he ruined his life for for over a year sumarize him and his love as some points. He breaks up with her, and she decides to go after Grayson. And then she jumps. But he is also there, because love and family are never that simple and jameson is a tiny bit (read in the level of therapy) of a masochist. And then SHE BLINKS AND LAUGHS AT HIM AND WHEN HE FINALLY MANAGES TO GO AWAY SHE START HAVING HEART PROBLEMS. BUT SHE HAS PLAYED HIM SO MUCH THAT HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT REALITY IS ANYMORE, and she hadnt had any heart problems for the past 4 years. So he leaves and she dies, and hell breakes lose.

He lost a girl he has know his whole life. He just “learned” that his love arent worth more than some points, he just got out of a increadibly toxic relasionship that ruined his life. The healthy thing would have been if he had some safe space to talk about what Emily did to him and have a strong support system. But everyone he knows is muroning her. They see her as an angle, so everything she did to him goes under the traps because how do you even dare to say something about dear angle Emily. And he has to live with the fact that he belives he killed her. And he cant also talk about anyone about that, for obvious reasons (but his grandfather knows and uses that against him).

Remember what I said about him being a masochist? Now is the era of his great self destruction (with an almost suicide attempt there, that his grandfather was present again and used that agaisnt him, *again*). Its all buttom up in him and he feels angry and sad and nothing. And between these 3, he chose anger. Also, Thea blames the Hawthorne for a death they didnt cause because who dares to say something bad about angles emily? So she puts the whole school agaisnt him and makes school unberable to him. Everyone likes to joke about Jameson missing school but has anyone ever wondered why he hated there so much? He didnt skiped class because he was a rebel 😝🤘but because everyone f. hated him and made his life hell.

[darkbluekies]

Dr Kry asks #3

Previous one Next one

Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3

Warnings: insomnia, medication, drugs, chronic illnesses, broken bones, mentions of overdosing,

☁️ ... this is my last ask for the day i SWEAR. how about dr kry with a sleep deprived darling / a darling who's always sleep deprived. if that doesnt work because of the setting (cause yknow in canon the darling's always napping lol), then how about a darling who has trouble sleeping. OR BOTH if you want to and can make it work. sorry i really wanna request this one cause the only time i can have a good sleep nowadays is when the weekend hits 🥲 i just want a bit of dr kry fluff 😭

He will sit with you for as long as you need, putting your needs before his. He can see that you're struggling to fall asleep. He can see the hollow half moons under your eyes and his heart will break.

"I can't watch this anymore. I'm going to go get you some sleeping pills, okay? And if they won't work I'll go get anaesthesia. Hopefully that'll be able to make you relax."

You'll get your sleeping pills and then rest back against the pillow. Dr Kry will sit with you until morning hours if needed. He'll hold your hand, play with your fingers, hug you if you want one and read for you.

"Are you feeling a little sleepy now, Y/N? Yeah? Are the pills working? Amazing. Just relax and let yourself fall asleep. I'll be here with you until you fall asleep and then I'll meet you in the morning, okay? We'll eat breakfast together, I promise."

Dr kry with s/o who suffers from migraine. Like bright lights aren’t good, eats a lot of pain killers and sleeps a lot bc of it

One of the main things with Dr Kry is that he always forces you to sleep (as seen in his headcanon), but that's because of the poisoned air he puts you in. If the lights we're bothering you as well, he'll turn them down and use small, warm nightlights to keep the room somewhat lit up. He'll try to control your intake of pain killers since he's afraid that you'll take too many, but he'll make sure that you won't be in pain one way or another.

"What? Too bright? Still? But, honey, all of the lights are already off. It's only this little light that's still on ... alright, I'll turn it off. If this continues I might have to develop nightray vision. Why don't you take a nap, Y/N? It'll make you feel better."

How would Dr Kry react to a darling who's very interested in his love life and like to tease him ? Always asking question about his possible partner, what he likes, ect ? Just to say " I don't understand why you're still single, you're so easy to love! Besides you're also very quiet, I know a lot of girls who liked the quiet bo- Wait !! Let me set you up, there's a very nice nurse I think her name is ... Charlotte? You know, the short brunette on the first floor ? She seems very kind or maybe you're gay ?? Well, there's that one dude at the cafeteria, I kinda had a crush on him at the beginning but I thinks he likes men...you could still give it a try if you want 🙂"

He'd let you have a go at it at first, hoping that it'd only be a one time thing ... but you continue to tease him every. single. day. He'll try his best to avoid the subject all together, but in the end would lose it. He'd grab your shoulders and pin you up against the wall in an attempt to make you silent.

"Shut up! Just shut up, alright?! I don't want to hear it!"

He'd noticed that he'd scared you and let your shoulders go. Backing away a step while running a hand through his hair, he'd think on how to save this situation. You'd apologize for making him mad which would only cause him to sigh heavily.

"You're so stupid, Y/N. Why can't you see that I want you? My fingers ache at the need of touching you sometimes and my heart breaks at the thought of you imagining me with someone else! I don't want anyone else. I think I'm going insane! I don't want to hear you talk about other people when you're with me. I just want you to focus on me and me only. Can you do that for me?"

He'd notice how wide your eyes were and how you started pulling your arms closer to your torso. With a hiss, he'd bring you into his arms before you had the chance to run away.

"I love you", he'd whisper.

im going to be sending in two asks bc i am mentally ill. heres the first one: how would dr kry deal with a patient who is chronically ill and frequently needs surgeries? this may or may not be self indulgent because i may or may not have just gotten surgery yesterday on my silly goofy eyeball (im fine)

He'll be right by your side. He'll take care of you and give you everything you need. When you're afraid, he'll kiss your hand and give you a reassuring smile.

"I know you're scared ... I wish I could do something to help you. I wish I could steal you away from here ... but you need these operations to survive. I'm so sorry, Y/N. What can I do to help you? Do you want something to eat? Do you want me to read for you? Yeah? Absolutely, anything for you."

second ask: i literally love dr kry so hear me out 💀 how about dr kry with a patient whos just being a total cranky BRAT to him. acting up, mouthing off, just being a little twerp. (its me. im also a little twerp)

Do you want to die? He controls your body. If you're being a little brat, he'll make sure your air is even more polluted and you 'accidentally' hurt yourself.

"Your arms are broken? Oh dear, how did that happen? Well ... i guess your silly behaviour came to bite you in the butt. Well, now you have to be a little nicer to me if you want me to care for you, okay? I don't want to help an ungrateful brat. Good, let's start over."

What would Dr. Kry do if darling tried to take a lot of pills to overdose and feel independent without him?

You'd be tied to the bed :) and have no privacy :) and never be in control again :)

I just discovered your blog and i'm in love with Dr Kry 😭what would happen if reader was sensitive to loud sounds??

He'd sound proof the room and give you ear plugs. When he's talking to you, he'll use a soft spoken voice and if he gets angry, he'll try his best to keep his composure so he won't yell at you. If there were loud bangings or sounds he can't control, he'll hide with you in the bathroom where the sounds aren't as loud. You'll have your ear plugs and his hands over your ears.

"It's alright, little one, just breathe. The noises will end soon. When they end, we'll go back out into the room and we'll read a little, okay? I'll try to find out who made these awful sounds and make sure they won't do it again."

what if we actually end up living with Dr Kry??

This man would honestly take such good care of you. You'll share a big bed, have many plants and he'd show a more humane side that he can't show in the hospital. He'll smile more, love more, talk more. The constant stress of being in the hospital and having people all around who could take you away from him takes a lot of energy that he wants to project on you.

"I've baked bread! I've wanted to try for a while. How about you come with me downstairs and get a slice with some marmalade? I know your legs are weak, I'll carry you down if you'd like."

i was wondering how would reader and dr krys relationship be if reader was nurse or doctor

He'd make sure you were scheduled together so he can spend his work shifts with you. People in the hospital would think that you're a couple. Exactly as he wants. He'll buy you lunch and stay close to you on break times. If anyone asks him if you're a couple, he'll answer with something that indicates that you are.

"Y/N, do you want to go take a bit of fresh air? You've been working so well these last hours, you're well deserved of a break. Come here, let's go take a few breaths and a bit of coffee before the night shift."

[thedeathdeelers]

I finished my first rewatch of lovely runner🥲 and I'm still not over it heh (and I don't want to be 🫠😂) so I was rewatching the scene where Sunjae and Sol meet right after Sunjae remembers everything (God just the angst of that *chefs kiss) and oh my God the tremble in Sunjae's voice when he asks her if she cried like that everytime she was lonely. Byeon Woo Seok's so good! This drama just keeps on giving 😭

thank you for this because it gave me the chance to rewatch that scene specifically 😌 for science 😌

(but ayy!!! now onto the second rewatch!!) (but yeah i’m halfway through my rewatch but i’ve slowed down so i can avoid reaching the eNd again 🥲)

honestly everything about that moment was SO. WELL. DONE.

the lead up??? a masterpiece. the memories pouring in while sunjae tries to keep up, his eyes his facial expression feeling like it’s all too much but everything suddenly makes SENSE - the heartache the joy the confusion the undERSTANDING the despERATION

lying there on the street not even aware he nearly died- purely cause he’s drowning in everything sol!!! and then!! HE RUNS. HES RUNNING AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO!! he just needs to GET TO HER ASAP AND NOT LOSE HER AGAIN HE JUST HAS TO GET TO HER

i can’t even begin to imagine what he must’ve felt when he first lays eyes on her — like she’s not in his memories anymore- not the sol in all those different timelines, not the sol from this timeline when he didn’t recognise her

she’s here. she’s real. and he’s out of breath and his mind is a massive mess and his soul is exhausted but she’s here

and he’s starting to truly realise what she must’ve gone through…::repeatedly. having to see him die having to run around with all that burden on her shoulders

not telling anyone

making the decision to start all over again and keeping her distance from him- all alone. no one to confide in- not even him

his heart breaks - cause he knows what it feels like to live a life without her — both when he knows she exists and when he doesn’t

and he knows how horrible it is — but sol knew him and loved him and lived a life where he loved her too….and yet had to go through 15 years denying herself that joy and love and connection to keep him safe…such a massive selfless act..

all for him.

and now he’s staring at her out of breath with red eyes and tears rolling down her cheeks and he knows why. he finally knows the answer to the question he’s always asking her “why are you crying? did i do something wrong?”

he knows the answer…::and it’s not a happy one

AND NOW HE GETS TO SEE IT LIVE IN ACTION IN FRONT OF HIM- she’s obviously been crying and she’s trying to deny it and he realises this has been her life for the last 15 years….,.,,,…

“did you cry like that all the time? while missing that guy who forgot all about you?” screaming crying throwing up

(we have to give massive props to sol / hye yoon for the way she conveys emotion. it’s wild. insane. soljae wouldn’t exist without her and her incredible acting) (and the way she lets go of all the pain and longing and all those built up emotions that she’s been carrying with her the moment he says “sol-ah” istg)

like. i was fine before i started writing this but now im losing my mind a little sat at my desk in front of my excel sheet….

[ssho197]

after the new event, xiao takes a liking towards alcohol and drinks

me when i haven’t posted in like a month 👍(i had no motivation and no idea what to write so if anyone has good concepts pls share)

context: diona was trying to make a gross drink in liyue and she makes chongyun and xiao drink it,, xiao ends up liking the drink but ofc he doesnt rly say anything bc he's the king of not communicating with anyone

its rare for xiao to ever like anything especially foods, he only ever liked eating almond tofu because it reminded him of the sweet dreams he used to eat. diona's drink felt like the pain of losing his friends but the tranquility he feels sometimes by the water resting beside wangshu inn.

months had gone by and eating the offerings of almond tofu just don't taste the same anymore. he needs to have a taste of that drink again. he took the long walk back to mondstadt to find diona.

he didn't like how populated and bright mondstadt's city was. he didn't want any of his karmic debt causing chaos to a neighbouring city and making an innocent poor civilian fall ill.

he found the cats tail after watching from the tops of the buildings. upon entering, a small black cat came up to his side and rubbed on his leg. this was rlly sudden to xiao so he froze up but he felt relaxed. the soft pur of the cat eased his tensions (he should go and get a massge or smth i could help w this if yk what i mean)

he asked around for diona and luckily found her after asking only one person. "so ya want me to make you a drink? ugh fine.. but im making it non-alcoholic!"

xiao decided to go up to the second floor to find somewhere to sit, luckily no one was up there,, except some lone cats curled up into balls napping. xiao drank his drink while overlooking the cats tail. there were tcg players thinking hard about their next moves, cats clawing away at vertical scratching posts and drinks being shaken up by diona. xiao would be back soon.

after a few frequent trips to the cats tail, xiao decided to head back to wangshu inn and hoping he would see the traveller (us) again. mainly because he wanted to try alcoholic drinks. he doesn't really understand why people get drunk just to avoid their problems. maybe he would end up becoming like that one day?

[silawastaken]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[ponuchuu]

Nick please...please tell me how Niku and Scara feel about the same topic of immortality and mortality. Is it something Scara thinks about often? Especially since he's lost so many others before? Is he afraid of that commitment to another person because of it? Please, I need to see your mind

I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SO OFTEN NGL QJDJSJDJDJD

Wanderer absolutely hates the fact that he thought about it so often, he doesnt need sleep yet it still kept him up at all night because he's just... afraid, scared to accept the reality of which he has to face his own immortality, he'd never admit it out loud to anyone or even himself for that matter but he cared too much for this stupid human that keeps on testing his patience cause of how often he attracted troubles. Often than not I think Wanderer would think his immortality is both a curse and a gift, because to him, being able to not worry about dying of old age made him more superior to humans and yet he also long for a connection with humans but his immortality is getting in the way of him being fully commited to that want because he knows they'renot going to live long. I definitely think Wanderer is deep down afraid of commitment with or without his immortalit, i've always liked the thought that Wanderer is extra aggressive to mortals in fear of getting attached and repeating history again, you can imagine the absolute anguish he felt when he realized he's getting attached to someone and that he is possibly (definitely) falling in love with him, it's a hard blow to both of his fear and his pride at the same time. Like, imagine telling yourself to not get attached to anyone only to not only do the opposite but to someone that is bound to the concept of mortality and thus has to follow the circle of life.

The funny thing is Niko somewhat share the same sentiment but it's not exclusively to the concept of immortality, Niko is afraid of getting close to people in general out of fear for causing pain or put them in danger, like not only was the reasons he managed to escape the house of the hearth at the cost of leaving Clervie and Arlecchino behind in the hand of Crucabena but the only person he ever let himself get closed to was hurt because of him (and to him, Aarush is dead even though in truth he was still alive), he hasn't even touched on that one time Sigewinne cried because he pushed himself too hard and was out cold for 3 days because he was pushing himself to collect enough materials to make a gift for her. Wanderer is someone Niko never ever thought of ever getting close to and yet here they are, while he loves Wriothesley and Sigewinne dearly, being around Wanderer was when he is able to let all of himself, the worst and the best, free without much fear. If niko ever found out about Wanderer's conflicted feelings about all of these he'd absolutely blame himself for causing pain yet again to another person that he has learned to (begrudgingly) care for. I feel like mortality and immortality is not something Niko thought about as often as Wanderer, he's not someone who's in his 400s after all and Niko cares way too little for himself and his own well being and safety (something Sigewinne is extremely concern about, she has stickers all around the Fortress in an attempt to remind Niko to take care of himself if she's not there to do it herself) to think about himself potentially dying if it means others get to live yet at the same time he's too prideful to let himself die early. If his enemies were out to get him, he'd make sure he outlive them just purely out of spite.

Of course I think after a while they'd both can't take it anymore (maybe after the fact Niko almost loses his life or Wanderer getting seriously injured because Niko was being careless) and ended up in an argument that are far far more intimate because of how emotionally vulnerable they are at that moment, it's a side both has never seen of each other before so it's all new and strange and they just stand there looking at each other before just laying down in the middle of the field to absorb what just happened.

Both of them are afraid of commitment and since both are too prideful to admit it, it unfortunately led to a situation where they had no choice but to accept it, I'd also like to think this is one of their biggest turning point to their relationship cause it's the one time they put their pride down and acknowledged that they care for one another, enough that they got into a heated argument because the other got into a near death experience.

It's a 100k slowburn fic and I'm mad that it took them this long to admit it LMAO

[sumbreon]

more book thoughts

the shops back up you can now buy these books

ive not read anymore yet, using it to bribe myself into doing laundry but ive been stewing on things. this will be even less coherent cause im just gonna throw my thoughts out here as they come to me unlike before where we had a mild focus

what is machas plan here? turning up as félix to fuck with islin about cypress like what was the intent there because i doubt it had the intended effect with islin going 'it should be me courting you félix!' which also islin my man... ya coulda!!! oh no i just remembered hesper signed the fuckin courting card or whatever with a little paw print really good! the whole thing with cypress is really good too honestly. the pacing for after félix gives bowman (françois) the ultimatum was so good it felt like so long not being in félixs pov and seeing it from bowmans i was absolutely losing it like let me into that little bastards head again what the fuck is going on??? to then finally get his pov again and just... i dont think that could have been done any better it fuckin killed me. anyway macha clearly still wanting to fuck with félixs boys but tamer than in the first book but what for? im also both dreading and looking forward to whenever they and félix meet like its your bosses new little guy vs its the fucker who tried to kill your friends (maybe? dont know for sure that macha intended for anyone to die but they definitely could have/almost did!) so fucking with islin by being félix and fucking with bowman by attacking rangers as a viper tbh even less clear on how that ones meant to a work out whats gained from turning the rangers against the viper? whats esks relationship with the rangers? cain made a comment to bowman after the whole graveyard incident and what did you mean by that man? whats your damn deal macha?

also every bowman chapter is accompanied by the mild apprehension of 'there was a warning for intentional misgendering its probably gonna be against bowman' who the fucks gonna do that to my boy? and i love that esks general response to bowman having to avoid saying hes the supposedly dead mercier girl is why is this even an issue. esk continues to not be helpful! but i am delighted by bowman and esk throughout this book so far me everytime its bowman time:

to be clear im having a good time, bowman less so. still makes me laugh that esk referred to félix as 'the pony'. and i loved that little scene on the train with félix and esk about félixs body and i think esk was maybe already aware? when the supposed viper attacked the rangers esk says a powerful black horse could maybe do that and says félix couldnt do that being so young a black horse? wonder just how much of esk not being helpful is being a bit of an ass and if any of its lingering effects from being stuck in that trophy room? god that was a horrifying scene and from what we see of tua it affected the weapons badly, esk wasnt there as long but it was still there

senca... girl whats your angle here? what sort of game is this to you? what are you getting out of it? i believe her when she tells esk that shes on the boys's side but im still not 100% trusting her

just how many times has léa threatened to cut bowmans dick off? enough that félix didnt let her finish the suggestion. and i keep thinking about léa telling félix about bowman not counting it as cheating with félix specifically like could you boys make this any more complicated? how the hell is félix meant to deal with that info? also made me think of that post where a girl had been having gay sex with her friend for like a decade and was like sex with her doesnt count and it ended with her saying to her boyfriend if it was cheating shes cheating on her friend with him then and not the other way around (i might try and find that post again. ill probably fail)

okay laundry done i might come back and add more or i might not

[yellowbluemoonshine]

While it's understandable why they are telling him to stop the Todorokis including Shoto never make it seem like they want Toya back but only ever project the family's problems onto him. Like even when Endeavor finally sees Toya it is only when Toya can't really see him anymore and is in a delusional state due to his fire frying his own brain. I know they are finally releasing their pent up feelings but why is Toya always on the receiving end?

BTW I feel they see Shoto as the family hero because he actually puts in the emotional labour into actually reuniting the family and NOT looking away while the rest of them always looked away until now.

I hope Toya gets a happy ending and not simply seen as the family scapegoat/regret.

@rainygirl2399 Yeah.

Though, i think they all want Touya back, i think Shouto and Rei are the only ones who actually have hope for this. Fuyumi and Natsuo love their brother and they clearly were traumatized by his death. Thats why Fuyumi said she doesnt want to lose anyone else and thats why Natsuo felt guilty for not listening his brother even after all those years. For them, Touya is still dead.

I do understand why they couldnt help Touya in the past though, Rei was loosing it because she was treated as baby making machine and kids were just kids. They did their best in their own way at that time but i hope they can start seeing that Touya being Dabi is hope for them to become a family again.

But for Rei and Shouto, its different. Which makes sense. For Rei, she is not Touya's sibling, its his mother. She had a mentalbreakdown and hurted Shouto without meaning it so she know what its like to loose yourself. She knows that she let him down, and she wont make the same mistakes again. Thats why she still refered him as his son and apologised for his actions. Thats why she is here to save him.

And with Shouto, one because he was Earlyroki before so he knows that 'dark, revenge feeling' personally. He is hero who has job to save people so for him dealing with villains is part of the job, especially if it his brother. And once again, he is hero because he is familiar to the world of villains more than his family. Meanwhile his family are just civillians, normal people.

I think they all want Touya back, even Endeavour but they dont seem to have much hope, except Shouto and maybe Rei too. And once again, he is the black sheep of the family.

'Dont take them away too, big brother because you are dead anyway'.

'Stop causing any more trouble, brother!'

'You are not gonna hurt any more people!'

'Just kill me, Touya, make me the only one you kill'

Like, if they really want to stop him, they should use better words to reach out to him, instead of leaving him behind again.

And Rei's Shouto is our hero speech....even though, Fuyumi and Natsuo did their best to help their mother all of those years....they should be considered as hero too. Touya is the only one who stand up to Endeavour and the world that Endeavour get away so he is a hero in a way too. Not only they are putting the burden on the 'golden child of the family' but also, making others seem less heroic only because they didnt become hero as job or because they didnt born with right power. This is why Rei and others going to help Touya together is a lot meaningfull than Shouto's doing everything alone because anyone can be hero.

[kingcunny]

EIHF Anon here and listennnnn my head has been spinning about this.

As Rhaenyra's pregnancy progresses, the king gives her more and more authority and power. Initially, Rhaenyra is thrilled, but the bitterness starts to kick in when she begins to wonder if her father denied all of this power and autonomy to her mom because she had not given him a son. Her mother had the smarts and the temperment for all of this--why did he deny it to Aemma?

Otto is Not Having It. He enlists Alicent to find out what the hell is actually going on. And she's not received warmly. Rhaenyra is extremely uncomfortable with the "miracle" pregnancy but also just as defensive of her newfound worth in her father's eyes. Otto figures His Grace just needs his eyes opened--to see that there are other women in the world, live ones. And so after months of watching Rhaenyra swan about the Red Keep in her mother's gowns, Otto tells Alicent to put on one of *her* dead mother's gowns and go to the king. Maybe she walks in on some boundary-crossing weirdness, and Rhaenyra realizes what's going on and doubles down HARD.

And idk where the rest of this goes. But Alicent loses her damn mind because her dad's making her have a Dead Mother Off with her bestie. And it ends up with Alicent luring Rhaenyra to the Sept to make her repent, and the resulting screaming match sends her into labor.

in my mind rhaenyra has to really compartmentalize her feelings about her mother and father, especially how viserys treated aemma. but that becomes harder and harder to do when shes literally stepping into her mothers shoes and has to experience firsthand the similarities and the differences in how viserys treats them.

viserys is uh. absolutely one of those men who dont realize women are people until they have daughters.

theres a bitterness there cause if rhaenyra is so much like aemma then why couldnt aemma have been allowed this power too? and theres a fear as well like, since viserys only gave her this extra authority after getting pregnant, that he only believes in her because rhaenyra is ‘giving him a son’ and if she ‘fails’ him (loses thr baby like her mother lost all hers. doesnt have a boy) hell take it all away from her. and even if she does give her father what he wants. whats to stop him from naming her son his heir instead?

rhaenyra is dealing with this pregnancy she maybe doesnt want, that she cant tell anyone the truth about, feeling very uncertain and insecure AND THEN her bestie alicent walks in on a very intimate and uncomfortable and very un-father-daughter moment between her and viserys. (im picturing viserys maybe like fawning over her baby bump. singing valyrian lullabies. or something) (and for alicent its maybe. somehow. strangely. reminds her of herself and otto? but that cant be right. they arent like this) all dressed up and pretty and now she has to worry about her father.. cheating on her?? with her best friend?? does she have no one she can trust?

so rhaenyra sends alicent away that night and every night she shows up and that only solidifies her decision. rhaenyra has to double down. cozy up even closer to viserys. make him depend on her as much as she depends on him.

alicent is horrified. shes been watching silently as her friend slowly becomes unrecognizable to her. rhaenyra isnt even speaking to her anymore. and otto is now trying to do the same thing to her. after what alicent walked in on and rhaenyras harsh reaction shes become convinced that rhaenyra is fucking viserys. that hes the father of her baby. thats more than rhaenyra losing her virginity and lying about it, more than run-of-the-mill targaryen ‘queer customs’. parent/child incest is a sin even for them. so alicent tries the only thing she knows and tricks rhaenyra into going to the sept with her. to make her repent. to convince rhaenyra to end this relationship with her father.

screaming match happens cause rhaenyra cant tell alicent the truth. its not like alicent would think the truth was much better, even if she would, rhaenyra is so fucked up by now she cant trust alicent. what if that truth somehow got back to viserys?

we have a few choices for what happens next….

if rhaenyra loses the baby, viserys tries to kill himself (convinced the gods have cursed him to never have a living son) if rhaenyra has a girl, viserys tries to kill himself (realizes he was wrong about rhaenyras virgin pregnancy and baelons rebirth. that his daughter CHEATED on him) his attempts arent successful though, cause viserys cant do ANYTHING right, but he does become basically catatonic for a good while afterwards.

now rhaenyra has to deal with the trauma of losing her baby/being a teen mother, essentially/nearly losing her father, AND having the entire weight of the realm fall to her. cause its not like viserys can rule in this state. and its not like she can pass off the rule to the hand or name a regent, cause then the realm will think shes weak.

OR… rhaenyra does have a boy.

and she has to deal with the horror and trauma of having her child taken away from her. being raised by her father as HIS own son. having to always refer to her son as ‘brother’ never being able to hold him as a mother. the terror that shes going to wake up one day and viserys is going to decide to name her son his heir over her. having to vie against Her Own Son for her fathers affection…

[emlos]

very long and detailed dream under cut

dream about an immigrant middle aged woman (wearing dark pink scarves) who asks me and my friend to buy her ice at a supermarket, then she asks if we can meet at 22 so i can hand it to her. friend im with says no but i say yes, so she leaves me and the woman to go to our rented apartment in a neighborhood similar to my grandparents (father side). the woman follows me after exiting the store (in the meantime i bump into something and the icebag rips a little, so an icecube falls onto the ground/floor). i keep getting uncomfortable by the woman who's kinda rude and doesnt seem to want to leave my side. its night.

at some point she decides to run somewhere so i take off in the opposite direction trying to lose her, and turn the corner left next to a building. sadly i see her (now wearing a yellow shirt or pants) going down darkened stairs in between two buildings and instead of running further (i was scared whatll happen if i dont manage to hide/outrun her) so i just say "hey [name]!!, there you are!!" (i know her name in the dream). she is indignant, huffing that i "cant make my running away better by just pretending as if i was looking for her" but apparently shes not that mad and i think we continue walking. we encounter something of an party in open space between commieblocks, where there are witchy teens. there is a raised stone structure with stairs leading to it a few metres away from the gathering. i dont really interact with anyone but for some reason im sure the stone structure is a portal that'l let me get home quicker (yeah magic). i move in to examine it and it looks like a small dead cells spawnpoint portal made of stone. the woman follows me after some seconds. on the back theres a rectangular plaque, also stone, and runes and a warning carved into it. i ask the woman (verbatim, i dont know which language) "hey can you read runes (apologetically) cause i dont and maybe you…" while shes trying to decipher them i manage to 'read' the warning and it says something to the effect of THIS EXIT IS SEALED (there are stone chains over the portal in a X shape) and ITS CURSED BECAUSE OF YOUR WAR "GO FIND A DIFFERENT SHORTCUT" (verbatim)

the woman is excited and reactivates the portal into glowing red? she tries to pressure me into going with her by pulling on my hand and talking to me and i think some of the teens are a bit scared in the bg, but i refuse. she shrugs and goes though the portal herself, and i decide to go home finally. next, the portal and the whole environment has disappeared, i am walking home alone, still buildings, no word from my friend from earlier, its still night

the dream shifts then into the perspective of the woman, now a wolf-like beast (i got that from growling and general behavior, i dont see her specifically anymore as its an 1st person pov), who starts stalking the streets of szczecin, specifically the place where i grew up with the long park, and attacking passersbys. now it gets funny here: i remember viewing the whole thing at this point as a metanarrative - i.e i dont feel emotions or myself anymore, its just as if i control the story events that "should happen" - ill explain:

i dont "control" the beast, but i remember trying to make sure she attacked a variety of people, from old grandmas, to random men, to children sitting in strollers while the mothers watched on. its daytime but for some reason theres no blood, just muted screams and horrified looks. the beast is definitely mauling them, but i dont see it from my pov. i remember trying to stagger the speed and amount of people that the beast attacked to make it "more realistic". during all that i remember being aware of something like corruption, and curse, and i think just before the "scene change" (yeah thats how i think about it) the people started transforming into some sort of zombie-like werewolf people, just standing up and walking behind the beast this keeps going and theres a shift, i see a character thats supposed to be me (i dont remember what they look like) thats almost at home, theres a dream-shadowy figure next to me, that was supposed to be someone heroical, like a friend of mine, from now on referred to as hero. things happen very like movie stills/sequences with different povs:

shot of the beast (looking inhumanly like a wolf) and the two legged wolf people behind it, shot of me and hero glancing behind and being scared, then running things get blurry after that. i think were in a city so we ("me" and the hero) push a comically sized metal lever that causes a big, like 5x5m hatch to open and the wolf people fall into it wilde e. coyote style (it isnt even that humorous, they just are pacified) they fall into some water becken at the bottom, and i remember thinking, what if the water gets infected? but they roll over the side of the becken and fall again into a deeper one. then i wished this was an incinerator. me and hero are relived but the scene changes, to us hearing something from the opened hatch, like a growl. we cautiously peek over the side, and dramatically, from the shadows, emerges a silhouette of an wolf human! they are in the sewers, is my first thought, but they leave the shadows and it turns out its some goofy looking homeless furry-human hybrid, which calms us, and then the dream kinda dissolves.

[kumezyzo]

omg i hope youre okay with me spamming on your page on this topic but i feel like sapnap would be like so proud about him losing v card and constantly throwing hints hes not a virgin anymore??? idk ?? like in the banter's "love episode" they were talking about if either of them has participated in "baby-making process" and sapnap just dodged the answer 🤔

i strangely dont think he would as much tbh like, he'll make the jokes and all that but not proudly throw it out there or even obvious hints. like, i think he'd do it more subtly if thats makes sense? or maybe hes in a relationship and doesnt want to make it awkward for the other person idk. or he just doesnt feel like talking about it cause as much as he does say about his personal life, he keeps it pretty closed. like when he talked about his little sister recently, he was talking about how old shes getting but never said her age seemingly on purpose. idk, thats just my thought process.

at the end of the day its really not much of my business or anyone elses but i totally get wanting to speculate and question

and its totally cool with the spamming btw dw 😭😭

[dreamy-bee]

i wanted to write some of my personal headcanons for nitros oxide! mostly for my own reference but they're under the cut if anyone else wants to read about him!

- He has anisocoria; his pupils are 2 different sizes due to a head injury sustained when he was a teen (car accident)

- Is bioluminescent (i hc that all gasmoxians are)

- His father was also a very famous, well-known racer who passed away in a horrific accident on live TV when Oxide was a young teenager

- His father always wanted him to race and Oxide idolized him even though behind closed doors he could be a bit of a nasty drunk

- Has his father's nasty ego, too

- Oxide's entire identity lies within racing and being the greatest because that's all his father made him feel he was good for aka "if you're not the best, you're the worst/if you ain't first, you're last" hdfjlkjfshkgfds

- His mother on the other hand wasn't the most responsible parent and enjoyed partying most nights when Oxide's father was still alive

- However after he died it shook up her sense of reality and she had a major shift where she became very fearful and overprotective of Oxide. She didn't want him to race anymore but he always found ways around it

- This caused her to be very angry with him almost constantly and lash out at him a lot from her fear of losing him the same way she lost her husband, a way to protect herself from any pain

- Oxide left home as soon as he could and worked as a deliveryboy for nuclear pizza for a while, while he couchsurfed at friends' places until he could afford a place of his own

- He was very active in the underground street racing community as an older teen/young adult, which he attempted to keep a secret but was ultimately arrested a few times for it lol

- He got off easy every time due to his family name. officers who were big fans of his dad would let him go with a slap on the wrist (racing is very very big in gasmoxia, conparable to how football is in the US but even bigger lol)

- Friends of his late father greatly helped him in training/practicing on real tracks, and helped him quickly gain the attention of a sponsor. he was able to rise through the ranks relatively fast with the help of his name and a bit of natural skill

- Has probably done Every Drug

- Drinks way too many energy drinks (but that's already a given lol) It's to a point that they no longer do much of anything for him but the taste is comforting so he still drinks them

- Liked to party a lot in his younger days and has probably done some things he's not proud of but now that he's older he's calmed down a lot in terms of that lol

- Is prone to headaches, especially when he's stressed

- He can't cook for shit, probably has lived most of his life surviving on fast food and takeout (that's not to say he doesn't enjoy fine dining, though.) He has a fast metabolism so he can pretty much eat whatever he wants but it's a mystery as to where it goes

- Probably got burnt out over the years, racing became too normal and routine and boring but he doesnt know what else to do with himself plus he still very much prides himself on being one of the best. he wants to retire somewhat but is hesitant to give it up because he doesn't quite know who he even is without the fame, titles, and trophies