#I ENDED UP TALKING ABT THEIR FEAR OF COMMITMENT MORE THAN IMMORTALITY IM SO SORRY

[ponuchuu]

Nick please...please tell me how Niku and Scara feel about the same topic of immortality and mortality. Is it something Scara thinks about often? Especially since he's lost so many others before? Is he afraid of that commitment to another person because of it? Please, I need to see your mind

I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS SO OFTEN NGL QJDJSJDJDJD

Wanderer absolutely hates the fact that he thought about it so often, he doesnt need sleep yet it still kept him up at all night because he's just... afraid, scared to accept the reality of which he has to face his own immortality, he'd never admit it out loud to anyone or even himself for that matter but he cared too much for this stupid human that keeps on testing his patience cause of how often he attracted troubles. Often than not I think Wanderer would think his immortality is both a curse and a gift, because to him, being able to not worry about dying of old age made him more superior to humans and yet he also long for a connection with humans but his immortality is getting in the way of him being fully commited to that want because he knows they'renot going to live long. I definitely think Wanderer is deep down afraid of commitment with or without his immortalit, i've always liked the thought that Wanderer is extra aggressive to mortals in fear of getting attached and repeating history again, you can imagine the absolute anguish he felt when he realized he's getting attached to someone and that he is possibly (definitely) falling in love with him, it's a hard blow to both of his fear and his pride at the same time. Like, imagine telling yourself to not get attached to anyone only to not only do the opposite but to someone that is bound to the concept of mortality and thus has to follow the circle of life.

The funny thing is Niko somewhat share the same sentiment but it's not exclusively to the concept of immortality, Niko is afraid of getting close to people in general out of fear for causing pain or put them in danger, like not only was the reasons he managed to escape the house of the hearth at the cost of leaving Clervie and Arlecchino behind in the hand of Crucabena but the only person he ever let himself get closed to was hurt because of him (and to him, Aarush is dead even though in truth he was still alive), he hasn't even touched on that one time Sigewinne cried because he pushed himself too hard and was out cold for 3 days because he was pushing himself to collect enough materials to make a gift for her. Wanderer is someone Niko never ever thought of ever getting close to and yet here they are, while he loves Wriothesley and Sigewinne dearly, being around Wanderer was when he is able to let all of himself, the worst and the best, free without much fear. If niko ever found out about Wanderer's conflicted feelings about all of these he'd absolutely blame himself for causing pain yet again to another person that he has learned to (begrudgingly) care for. I feel like mortality and immortality is not something Niko thought about as often as Wanderer, he's not someone who's in his 400s after all and Niko cares way too little for himself and his own well being and safety (something Sigewinne is extremely concern about, she has stickers all around the Fortress in an attempt to remind Niko to take care of himself if she's not there to do it herself) to think about himself potentially dying if it means others get to live yet at the same time he's too prideful to let himself die early. If his enemies were out to get him, he'd make sure he outlive them just purely out of spite.

Of course I think after a while they'd both can't take it anymore (maybe after the fact Niko almost loses his life or Wanderer getting seriously injured because Niko was being careless) and ended up in an argument that are far far more intimate because of how emotionally vulnerable they are at that moment, it's a side both has never seen of each other before so it's all new and strange and they just stand there looking at each other before just laying down in the middle of the field to absorb what just happened.

Both of them are afraid of commitment and since both are too prideful to admit it, it unfortunately led to a situation where they had no choice but to accept it, I'd also like to think this is one of their biggest turning point to their relationship cause it's the one time they put their pride down and acknowledged that they care for one another, enough that they got into a heated argument because the other got into a near death experience.

It's a 100k slowburn fic and I'm mad that it took them this long to admit it LMAO