#cause not many people indulge him so hes like thats my best friend now its wonderful look at him hes hilarious

[moeblob]

Thinking about my dumb OCs ever since I saw a video of two guys trying to demonstrate the kabedon and one of them could not stop laughing...

[1kook]

some way, some how

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

Summary: Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you. Warnings: emotional constipation, toxic ex, internalized misogyny, jk has bad experiences w/his ex’s dad, one scene where jk throws up, brief episode of panic, mentions of terminal cancer (minor); smut; fingering, praise kink, face fucking, spitting kink, cunnilingus, unprotected sex on top of a car im sorry Misc: autoshop owner!jk, businesswoman!oc, slice of life, childhood crushes, friends to lovers, ex gfs, pining, country bumpkin pjm w/crush on oblivious oc, ex-bf kth but it’s not real lol Wc: 19.4k (wow!!!)

the spirit of auto shop jk possessed me n next thing i knew i was 11k into a drabble. if ur curious: the 1975 corvette, car at the end, the tweed suitskirt (not actually chanel ☹️sowwyyy) also: this is the longest fic I've written!!!!! clap for me!!!!! i proofread the first few paragraphs n was like thats enough professionalism for the day

inspired by ain’t no mountain high enough one of my fave songs ever🥺 the title is a lyric from the song bc i love it so much enjoy !!

The garage is mostly dark when you enter, the faint hum of a radio quietly filtering through the stagnant room, its source coming from the back wall, where the only light is. It’s a rolling lamp, shining down an ugly yellow glow onto the figure of one man.

Jungkook’s sitting in that same rolling stool he always is, the metal one that’s rusted beyond repair, the cushion so uncomfortably flat. He’s caught up in whatever paint job he’s been tasked with this time around, a classic muscle car from what looks like the 80’s. He’s humming along to the radio, so caught up in stenciling out his design that he doesn’t notice you creep behind him until you’re very purposefully rattling the tool cart beside him, a teasing “boo!” making him jump.

“Fuck, you scared me,” he gasps, rubs over his chest as if to check if his heart is in fact still there. You grin, brandish your bag of takeout out for him before he can lecture you on the dangers of startling people who work around very complex machinery. Instead, all he says is, “you’re an angel.”

Once you’ve got the food carefully scattered across his work bench, your cherry cola tucked next to a canister of gasoline like that’s the safest practice, Jungkook wastes no time diving into all the details of his project, the 1975 Chevy Corvette behind him. The longer you look at it, the more you feel you’ve seen it somewhere. Probably a car show, you presume.

“Purrs like a kitten,” he sighs dreamily, completely ignoring the way half his toppings slide out from the opposite end of his cheeseburger. You don’t, and you swipe a fallen pickle from his tray before he can catch you.

“A kitten?” You ask, glance over at the car. It’s desperately in need of a paint job, and you only realize this now as you stare at it more in depthly. The niggling feeling that you know this car is still there, but you ignore it in favor of indulging your best friend. “Don’t people usually compare cars to bigger, better cats?”

There’s a taped stencil running alongside the car, a thick stripe followed by a thinner one, and you suppose Jungkook’s trying to spice her up, give her back the same youthfulness she probably had in her prime. What better way to do so than by adding some classic stripes alongside it.

Jungkook hums, gulps down his soda noisily. “Not this one. Never heard an engine as soft as hers.”

You roll your eyes. For a minute, the two of you quietly chew through your burgers, the radio filling in the gaps while you analyze the car. You know this car, but you can’t remember where. Jungkook coughs into his palm, probably from trying to inhale his fries too fast like he does every time you go to the diner you’re eating from today.

The diner.

A mouthful of braces. A pretty waitress. A strict dad.

“Holy shit, this is Sojin’s dad’s car,” you inhale, the memories from high school suddenly hitting you full force. Jungkook chokes, out of surprise this time, and furiously goes to deny your claims. “This is totally his car. The one he tried to run you over with when he caught you trying to put her on the back of your bike.”

“He didn’t try to run me over,” Jungkook whines, and the tips of his ears are red from your revelation.

You glare. “Why are you fixing that asshole’s car for him?” You interrogate, the last quarter of your burger forgotten in favor of squeezing the truth out of him. You’d had enough of that treacherous woman and her equally deranged father causing Jungkook trouble, and to catch him still helping her now, almost ten years later, was enough to make a brain vessel pop.

He shrugs, avoids your eyes as he picks through his fries. The radio is still on, some tune you recognize from those old days at the diner when Jungkook had become so unbelievably smitten with the part timer that served you milkshakes every Wednesday afternoon.

He had been in love with her the moment he saw her, and the look in his eyes was only magnified by those dorky glasses he wore pre-lasik. You'd been his friend long enough, recognized the jump of his scrawny thigh beneath the table. Like a bunny, thumping in excitement at the sight of her.

Sojin was... full of surprises.

She was nothing less than a supermodel, long legs carrying her around the diner as if it was her runway. She was nice too, so you hadn’t originally had an excuse to dislike her. She was nice, and so endeared with your best friend that it was inevitable when they began dating. Her presence consumed the end of your high school careers, overtook the time that should have been yours and Jungkook’s last year before being thrown into adulthood. He decided on studying at a technical school nearby—per your encouragement to save money—while you travelled five hours out for your degree in business. That last year, when you had finally come to terms with your feelings, had been so painfully ripped away by Sojin and her never-ending list of teenage drama, and by Sojin’s dad and his overbearing need to police her and Jungkook every chance he got.

Jungkook still hung out—“Sojin was busy, do you wanna do something?”—but more often than not those hang outs consisted of Jungkook telling you about her and her dad, about how hard he tried to get into his good graces.

The bike incident had only been one of many. Times where Jungkook would put his heart—and life—on the line for that girl only for it to be in vain every time she broke up with him over the simplest things. You’d heard stories from Jungkook, all told with a tight smile, of a handshake that would bruise, a man chasing him with a bat, of a car following him to school. All things he put up with for a girl who didn’t care for him. One day, after Jungkook had grudgingly sat through an hour long dinner with her family, the stare of her father piercing through him, she broke up with him because she didn’t like how long his hair had gotten.

(If anyone were to ask you, he was handsome with long hair. Dreamy even.)

He cut it that same day.

As her childishness grew, you quickly came to dislike her. She strung Jungkook around, you thought, and just when you thought she was finally done toying with him and making his life difficult in the sneakiest ways, the damn kid started hitting the gym. His growing frame, toned arms and now straightened teeth had turned him into a heartthrob, and Sojin was just as aware of this as you were. “Don’t we look perfect together?” She’d ask, twirl around him like they were on the cover of a magazine and not standing on his chipped front porch.  

Needless to say, by the time graduation had rolled around you despised the woman. You absolutely disliked how she treated Jungkook, how she let her father treat Jungkook without ever stepping up and defending him. Granted, you didn’t know exactly what went on in her household behind closed doors, you’d seen enough of her uncaring attitude to want to ram her and her dad’s head against the hood of the car.

Which is why seeing the old car, in Jungkook’s shop nonetheless, was rekindling a boiling hatred in your chest. “That man should rot in hell for all he put you through,” you huff, glare at the car like it holds some magical connection to him and he can feel the intensity of your stare.

“___,” Jungkook scolds, swirls his cup around to distract himself. “He was just trying to protect his only daughter,” he defends, quietly, like it’s what he tells himself to justify all those years of mistreatment. Even when he and Sojin had continued through college, it had never stopped. You, being five hours away, couldn’t do a damn thing. “Besides, the guy’s old as hell now.”

You snort, finally breaking your staring match with the car. Glancing at Jungkook, he’s got that same forlorn expression on his face, the one he started wearing when he first came to terms with the fact that her dad would never like him. There was a time it was stuck permanently on his face, the pressure and the discomfort that came from the father of the girl you’ve dated for five years looking at you like you were nothing more than a speck of dirt on the bottom of his shoe.

When you came back from school, educated and confident, you almost didn’t recognize your best friend. Tall and broad, tattoos splattered over his arm. Hair long like you loved it, but eyes still as round and wondrous as they’d been when you were kids. He had his own place now, he told you, and you vaguely remembered all the times he mentioned him and Sojin moving in together, mentally preparing yourself to see that wench for the first time in a while.

Much to your surprise, there was no Sojin in sight. No lingering artifacts of her presence. Nothing that showed she existed in this space besides an ugly orange mug she’d given him for his birthday one year, tucked into the very back of his cabinets. They’d broken up, he explained. Almost immediately after graduation.

After stringing him along for the better part of five years, she had decided this wasn’t what she wanted. No, what she wanted was a man ten years her senior with an abundance of cash to flow. Jungkook hadn’t cried. Hadn’t even looked the tiniest bit upset when you ordered pizza and drank some beer, watched your favorite episodes of The Simpsons like you were seventeen and avoiding your homework again.

You stayed the night, a little too tipsy to drive home. Besides, Jungkook had a spare bedroom. It was a room beside his, just a full bed with a chest of drawers. You liked it, liked the scent of him surrounding you after only seeing each other for a couple weeks in between months of distance. You liked it, because when he shifted in bed you realized the beds were pressed against the same wall, and you liked it until the shared wall spared you no secrets, and you listened to him quietly sob into his pillow.

“Old or not, he’s still the devil,” you murmur, snapping back to the present where Jungkook is wheeling himself closer to the car again. “Where did you find that thing anyway?”

He stays silent, quietly pretending like he still has something to do on the car besides paint it. Then, “I bumped into Sojin at the store.”

You sigh, drop your head between your shoulders. You can only imagine what whirlwind of a sob story she had to throw on him to win this favor.

“Kook,” you start, gauging his reaction only from his backside. His muscles ripple beneath his dark t-shirt, his usual red jumpsuit knitted around his waist. “What happened?”

Again, silence.

You say nothing, let him sort through the hurt on his own while you creep up behind him, sliding your hands over his shoulders and pressing down on the cricks behind his neck. He melts into your touch, head lolling forwards as a quiet sigh escapes him.

“She told me she was low on cash, and she needed the car to get to work,” he confesses, and from his ducked position, his voice trembles. You roll your eyes.

“And the paint job?”

A particularly rough press of your fingers has a whimper escaping him. God, this boy needed to see a chiropractor and a masseuse soon. All that hunching over and under these cars was doing a number on his back.

“I… I figured I might as well fix up the exterior too.” Of course he would, you think, Jungkook’s heart was stupidly big and easy to manipulate. He would get so swept up in it sometimes, trying to do the best he can for everyone’s benefit that he’d ignore himself.

You sit in his confession, fingers digging into his skin for a few minutes as you consider what to say.

The mature adult in you, the logical half of you, wants to hit him upside the head, scold him for letting that wench into his life again so easily. You were going on twenty-six now, all three of you, and you didn’t have time to be fixing him every time that childish woman decided to toy with him. Granted, it’s been four years since you last saw her, since you heard him muffle his cries on the other side of the wall, and you liked to think Jungkook was a respectful adult of society now. He didn’t have time to get dragged around by self-absorbed women with insane fathers.

The other part, the best friend since childhood, wants to run away. Wants to pack Jungkook into a suitcase and take him far away from here and from her. Unlike you, who now lived in the city, Jungkook had stayed in your small hometown, a quiet place just outside the bustling city. It was difficult to ensure his happiness when you were always forty-five minutes out of reach. It would be so much easier to just take him and fly to another province, maybe on the beach, Jungkook loved the beach.

“Listen,” he says, successfully pulling you out from your spiral. “I know what you’re gonna say and I just wanna tell you it’s not like that.”

You blink, hands stilling on his shoulders. Your lack of movement allows him to spin around on his chair, gaze up at you with the same shiny gaze he’s given you ever since you were kids. “I’m just doing her this tiny favor. She looked...” he trails off, face scrunching to find the words.

“Like shit?” You propose, and he smiles. “Like flaming dumpster shit behind a club?”

Jungkook laughs, loud and beautiful. You want to kiss the mole beneath his lip.

“She looked bad, okay?” He settles, reaches forward to take your palm in his. You’re standing between his thighs, and you wonder how he would have acted if you were Sojin. “Don’t think things worked out with that CEO she was dating. I’m just giving her a push.”

You sigh, try to push those crestfallen sobs to the back of your head. “Okay,” you agree, briefly glancing back at the damn car. “You fix her car, and that’s it,” you state. Jungkook nods, makes a little X over his heart. He knows how much you hate that woman. “No funny business.”

“No funny business,” he agrees, then reaches down for a white spray can. “You wanna spray some dicks on it before I paint it?”

“Please,” you laugh, taking the face mask he offers you with a grin.

—

One day your car starts making a weird noise as you pull out of the underground parking garage of your building. It’s somewhere between a pig squealing and metal scraping. You’ve been around Jungkook long enough to know this is probably something to do with your breaks, something about them being loose or old, one of the two. You have a short day at work today. There’s repairs being done to the office you work at, so everyone’s been spending more time working from home.

You leave work a little after two pm, head pounding from the hour long meeting you sat through, the mediocre business proposals your boss had asked you to look through and file. There’s a hefty load of emails waiting in your inbox, mostly the interns requesting you write them a recommendation letter. You’ll have to look through those later, pick out the good ones and write them each a unique piece kissing the ground they walk on.

The scent of freshly fried donuts hits your nose as you pull into your old town; the bakery down the road from Jungkook’s has their windows open. You can already taste the sweetness on the tip of your tongue, the iced coffee cooling your insides as you sit and watch Jungkook work on your car.

Jungkook’s shop is on the corner of the street, takes up a huge chunk with it’s massive garage and driveway; the office area is tiny compared to the sheer size of the actual work floor. There’s music blaring through the overhead speakers, and when you pull in you recognize it as Jimin’s playlist.

“Morning, Miss,” the country bumpkin says, leaning against your car door as you rifle through your purse. “What’re you in for?”

“Hi, Jimin,” you reply sweetly, take his hand as he helps you out the door. You very vaguely explain the noise your car had made that morning, glancing around the shop as Jimin gets to work inspecting it. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin’s waving over some other employees, all greeting you in their matching red jumpsuits. “Kook’s in the office,” he tells you, and it’s almost sensual the way his hand glides over your palm for your keys. God, you needed to get laid. “Has some lady friend in there with him.”

You pause, the bustling of the crew behind you fading into the background. Something inside you snaps, and you whirl around the garage, before catching sight of a 1975 Chevy Corvette, almost unrecognizable from how you’d last seen it. It’s bright red now, a color you only briefly saw before you’d left the other night, with two, lightning bolt racing stripes decorating each side. It looks new, almost in mint condition, and the fact it’s still here has you storming through the garage.

Your heels clack loudly, the crew moving to the side as you torpedo straight into the offices. You barely remember to greet the receptionist before you’re stomping straight into the main office.

There’s no knock, no warning given, before you’re flinging the door open, seeing exactly what you’d expected. 

“___,” Jungkook stutters, jumping onto his feet from his position on the couch. He looks frantic, wide eyes flickering between you and the woman sitting in front of him, her back turned to you. But you’d recognize that silhouette anywhere.

“Did you say ___?” She says, and she’s still as tall and as beautiful as you remember her. Had it not been for the heels you wore, you don’t doubt she’d tower over you. She flashes you a killer smile, lips carefully painted red. It almost looks murderous. “My! ___, you haven’t changed a bit,” Sojin exclaims, rushing around the couch to pull you into a tight hug. You don’t return it.

You let her cling to you for a second, before pushing her away as gently as you can by the shoulders. As much as you’d like to rip her in half, tear her apart for all she did to Jungkook, you won’t. You’re older now, elegant in all the ways you weren’t before. It would be a huge disservice to your maturity if you shoved your heel up her ass right now.

“It’s lovely seeing you, Sojin,” you smile, taking her hand in yours.

Besides, being a woman in business meant you knew better, more creative ways to strike.

“And your boyfriend?” You ask, tilting your head in staged confusion. You even glance around the office, like you’ll find the geezer hiding behind the potted plant or Jungkook’s frozen figure. “The rich one with the huge company? Did he come with you today?”

Her smile tightens, red lips pursed as she gauges you with those cat eyes that haunt your nightmares every now and then. “My ex-boyfriend,” she corrects after a minute, pastes a forlorn expression onto her features. “We’ve separated, and you know how it is for women like us,” she jests. “We need a man to push us along—“

“Do we?” You ask, think back on all those years of school, of studying and working and pushing yourself, all the time you spent investing in yourself for yourself. “I don’t think so,” you contemplate. “It’s really embarrassing if you can’t care for yourself without the help of a man. Almost like you don’t trust in your own abilities, and ride other’s coattails instead.”

A beat of silence. Two completely different worlds, and Jungkook hovering awkwardly beside you.

Two palms grasp your shoulders from behind, and when you turn Jungkook is smiling at you, forced and stressed like he can’t stand to be in this uncomfortable situation any longer. “Well,” he announces, pushing you behind him as he guides Sojin towards the door. “There was an issue with her car, so I’ll just check on it real quick, okay?”

You nod, feel empty as he takes her by the wrist, and not you. He hands her her purse, palm on the small of her back as they exit the office. When the door clicks shut behind them, you throw your own handbag at the ground, barely stop yourself from stomping like a child.

Instead, you breathe in, hold it, and exhale, just like your Tuesday yoga instructor taught you. By the time you’ve collected yourself a few minutes have passed, so you kneel down to gather your fallen lipstick tubes and cellphone from the floor, scooping them back into your purse.

Tugging the door shut behind you, you mindlessly wander down the hall, until you reach the small receptionist area and nearly get jumped by Kim Taehyung. “Holy shit, you won’t believe this,” he gasps, takes you by the shoulders and nearly shakes you until your brain falls out through your ears. You would have slapped him, had this been any other man, but he’s quite possibly the only man besides Jungkook you’d let jostle you like this. “You’ll never guess who just left the office with J—wait,” he pales, suddenly connecting two and two, your exit from said offices definitely a key factor in whatever conclusion he’s drawn. “You were in the office with Hwang Sojin and you didn’t kill her?!”

You huff, let him shake you again until you’re nearly tripping in your heels. “Yes, I know,” you groan, finally slap his hands away when you begin to feel this morning’s breakfast bubbling from all the motion. “I’m surprised too.”

“Wow,” Taehyung marvels, leans back against the receptionist desk even though the poor girl has told him time and time again not to. He ignores her, something he can do as second best friend to the boss. “Remember when she showed up crying outside his mom’s house and you threw a potted plant at her? Oh how the great have fallen.”

Rolling your eyes, you drift over to the plexiglass window in the office that looks out across the entirety of the garage floor. In the corner, Jungkook’s got the hood of the Corvette open as he works away on something, Sojin tapping at her phone beside him. “Why are you here, Tae?”

He steps beside you, tuned into the same scene. “Can’t visit my ex-girlfriend every now and then?” He teases, you groan.

“We dated for three days, dude, let it go,” you whine, and watch with rapt attention as Jungkook motions for her to start the engine. She does, and it purrs to life, soft and silky just like Jungkook said it does. She squeals and claps, launches herself into his arms in thanks. You look away.

“Yuck,” Taehyung gags and you couldn’t agree more. “Can’t believe you ended the best 72 hours of my life for that pinhead and the hussy attached to his hip.”

He shrieks when you pinch his side, and you take great satisfaction in the judgemental stare half the crew sends him through the glass. After all, they weren’t soundproof. “You embarrassed me and my brand,” he huffs, crossing his arms as the two of you return to watching Jungkook and the hussy.

“He’s not a pinhead,” you softly retort, watch him wipe a bead of sweat off his forehead as he waves her off. Sojin sends him a brigade of air kisses, none of which he catches. A sick sense of glee consumes you at the sight, but then he’s turning to stare directly at you and Taehyung through the glass, and the both of you quickly whirl away.

“His ability to find you in less than a second is so weird,” Taehyung shivers, and you ignore it, taking the candy from the bowl on the receptionist desk. She doesn’t care, having heard these conversations more than enough times to get the general gist of what you and Taehyung gossip about. You’re surprised she’s never mentioned it to Jungkook before.

Regardless, you listen to Taehyung complain about his life for a few more minutes, before Jimin’s sweet voice pops into the room. His ash blonde hair is all ruffled, and there’s something dark smeared over his otherwise perfect skin as he tells you your car is fixed. Taehyung bids you goodbye, and Jimin walks you back to your car out on the garage floor.

“All set, miss,” Jimin grins, puts a hand against the car so you don’t hit your head as you go in. You thank him, and don’t miss the way he lingers by your window.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, tilt your head quizzically. Jimin’s cheeks flush, and he looks shyly at the ground.

“Actually, I was wondering if—“

“___,” Jungkook calls, jogging over beside Jimin, who looks almost ashamed to be caught doing...whatever it was he was gonna do. Jungkook glances at him, catches him in some weird staring contest before crouching down to your window. “You needed your car fixed? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You blink, don’t know how to politely tell him he was too busy kissing the ass of his toxic ex-girlfriend to help you out. “Jimin helped me,” you smile, the same practiced expression you’ve mastered since college. You usually get by, usually trick people with that look, but not with him. Jungkook knows you too well, knows that look, and knows you’re holding yourself back. “You were busy.”

His lips part in surprise, tugged downwards with the hint of a frown. “I,” he stutters, looks at Jimin, who doesn’t seem that impressed with him either. “I… I would’ve came if you called.”

You tug your sunglasses out from their little case, slide them over the bridge of your nose as you strap your seatbelt over yourself. “Would you though?” You ask, flash him another polite smile before shifting your car’s gears. Jimin walks off, clears the path for you to exit, and with just Jungkook standing there, you speak freely. “I would hate to distract you from something important.”

—

Some of the proposals end up being better than expected, and after carefully sifting through them, your boss asks you to sit through presentations for the next few days. Your time gets consumed in graphs and budgets. There’s a multitude of businesses you have to look into, some big and well-known, and others small and local. You drive around the city one day, visiting business after business, until your ankles hurt in your heels and your cheeks hurt from all the smiling. Your only comfort is the nice Chanel skirt suit you’re wearing that makes you feel like the most important person in the room wherever you go.

By the time the week’s over, there’s a thin cut forming on the back of your ankles from all the walking you’ve done in your heels. You slump against your front door, tossing your heels in the vague direction of the closet before padding through your house.

You nearly scream yourself sore at the figure in your kitchen, hunched over what looks to be a hastily made cake with a number three candle. “Oh my god,” you seethe, turning the overhead light on to illuminate Jungkook’s grinning figure, dirty and sweaty from work. You glance at the clock on the stove; it’s only been about an hour since his garage closed.

“Surprise!” He exclaims, and you’re not the slightest bit amused when he begins humming the happy birthday song on a day that is definitely not your birthday.

When he’s done, you don’t clap and his beaming smile doesn’t waver. “It is not my birthday,” you calmly state, placing your leather padfolio on the counter.

Jungkook blows the candle out for you. “It’s the birthday of when we first met,” he explains, and gets to cutting the cake. How he remembers such a day, you don’t know. You do know that this is his mom’s birthday cake recipe, and you love that. “Can you believe it? Friends for almost three decades.”

“Almost,” you repeat, dutifully sitting across from him and taking the plate he offers. He nods at you like a bobblehead. 

His eyes are sparkly and big, like he’s drunk, and it’s only then you notice the red wine on the table, bottle open and halfway done. You set your fork down, grasp the neck of the bottle in your hand. “Have you been drinking?” You ask, even though the answer stares you right in the face. You frown. “You hate drinking.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, shovels more cake into his mouth to delay his response. “Needed it,” he offhandedly explains, nearly eats the candle but you jump forward to snatch it off his fork before he can.

“What do you mean?” You inquire. You’re not hungry anymore, too interested in whatever’s going on in his head to make him think he needs to be drunk around you.

Jungkook gulps, reaches forward for more wine but you cradle the bottle to your chest. You nearly gasp when he levels you with a real, stony glare, the expression out of place on his face. “Cuz you’re mad,” he huffs. “At me.”

There was a time you would coddle Jungkook’s every mistake, never let him think he was at fault for anything. You’d grown out of it shortly before high school, recognizing boys were stupid no matter how much you tried to prove otherwise. Since then, you’ve watched him get into trouble time and time again—Sojin being the prime example—and only intervened when absolutely necessary. Some part of you, the half that hates seeing him upset, wants to tell him you’re not. The mature part in you, however, doesn’t let that happen.

“I am,” you agree, watch his eyes widen almost comically at your admission. You set the wine bottle back on the table, leaning your chin on your palm as you level him with the most unimpressed gaze you can. “I’m furious, actually.”

He whimpers, actually whimpers like a kicked puppy, and you can almost see the metaphorical ears pressed against his head and the tail tucked between his legs. His lips are big and pouty, stained from the wine. You’d love to know what they feel like.

Jungkook’s vulnerability lasts all of three seconds, before he’s shaking himself out of whatever emotional pit his foggy brain has him in. “Well, it’s dumb,” he spits, and it’s your turn to sit in shock. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Excuse me?” You ask, incredulously, because this has never happened before. Are you overprotective and sometimes overbearing? Sure. Has Jungkook ever voiced discomfort with that before? Never. “I’m not telling you what to do,” you sneer, crossing your arms over your chest.

He rolls his eyes, pushes away from the table like a moody teen. You know it’s because he’s drunk, because he’s not himself, but you have to remind yourself that he obviously felt this way somewhere in his heart to voice it to you now. “You’re not my mom.”

You choke. “I’m not!” You angrily agree, pushing away from the table as well.

Jungkook snarls, “well you sure do love acting like her.” He picks up his plate, glances over at you with a look in his eyes that can only be likened to that of a sneaky cat, and then purposefully shoves the bread and frosting down the garbage disposal in the sink. You shriek, fly around the table and shove him away.

“What is wrong with you?” You seethe, push him away rudely with a hand on his face. Jungkook stumbles back, slips on the floor and nearly cracks his head on the corner of the counter. “Oh my god,” you exclaim, abandoning the sink in favor of watching the way his face twists up at the sudden motion, stomach contracting beneath his black t-shirt, cheeks puffing. “Oh god, oh god,” you stammer, tugging him to his feet with the strength only a panicked individual about to see an entire cake regurgitated onto their kitchen tile can have.

You’ve barely kicked the door to the bathroom open when Jungkook begins throwing up, gooey vomit spewing from his mouth and onto the floor. It touches your arm, and you shriek before shoving him in the general direction of the toilet.

“Ew, ew,” you freak, shoving your hand under the sink faucet to get that gross feeling away. You wanna vomit yourself, but you tell yourself there can only be one sick person at a time, and right now it’s Jungkook.

He’s got his head in the toilet, disgusting sounds echoing off the ceramic of it. By the time you’ve calmed down and washed your arm thrice, you move over to pull his bangs away from his face, letting him hurl in peace.

“I’m sorry,” he mopes, spews another round of birthday cake into the toilet.

You look away, blindly reach out to turn the bathroom fan on. “Mhm,” you nod, rubbing a hand over his back. Jungkook nods sadly against the toilet seat.

“‘M sorry,” he repeats, gags around nothing but the gross feeling left in his throat. “I-I know you just want…” a pause as he considers throwing up some more, “...want what’s best for me.”

“I do,” you agree, wipe a hand down the side of his face that he leans into. “Not trying to be your mom,” you assure him, and he snorts.

“Be a good mom,” he murmurs, so soft you don’t hear him. You hum, leaning closer and he repeats it. “You’d be… a good mom.”

Not knowing what to do with that information, you just pat his back until he falls asleep, cheek against the toilet seat.

—

“Woah, the sexual tension in this garage is off the charts,” Taehyung blurts from behind you, and you smack your clipboard against his chest. “Oof,” he grunts, rubbing his chest like it actually hurt. “You doing finances for him again?” He asks and you nod.

In an ideal world, Taehyung would leave upon finding out you’re busy. In this world, he simply leans into your personal space, nearly knocking you into an empty tool cart. “Oooh, an extensive list of all the money Jungkook’s stupidly blown this month. How much did he spend on neon signs this time?”

You relent, showing him the shop’s finances. Anywhere else, revealing a business’s finances without the consent of the owner would be a federal crime. Here, it’s the equivalent of showing Taehyung Jungkook’s browser history. “He spent how much on window tint?!”

“A lot,” you say.

There’s a whistle from across the garage, the shop’s resident country bumpkin Park Jimin standing at the huge garage doors with his hand on his hip. “No fraternizing, please.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Boooo,” he shouts, peels himself away from you to flick an impolite finger Jimin’s way. “He’s just jealous,” he tells you, and you frown.

“Of what?” You ask, and Taehyung nearly loses his shit.

“My precious ___,” he sighs, leans his forehead on your shoulder. “So beautiful and smart, yet so slow.” You flick the side of his forehead just as Jungkook strolls by and, seeing your attack, slaps the back of Taehyung’s neck. “Why do you guys hate me!” Taehyung exclaims, jumping at least five feet away from you and Jungkook’s giggling forms.

“How’s it going?” Jungkook asks you, completely ignoring Taehyung’s soulful cries as he glances over your shoulder at the clipboard. You tilt it his way, but he stands close anyway, until you can feel his breath huffing against the back of your neck.

“Okay, but you’re spending a lot of money stockpiling on things that haven’t shown signs of running out yet,” you explain, pointing at the window tint that had astonished Taehyung only a moment ago.

Jungkook grimaces, pink tongue swiping across his lip as he looks at the total amount he’s spent the last three months. “Well, it’s a good thing I have my accountant,” he grins, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“Not your accountant,” you correct, “just a friend who doesn’t wanna see you run your business to the ground from overspending.”

Jungkook waves you off, and Taehyung tries to sneak into the receptionist office behind you, but Jungkook catches him with his free hand. “This is the life,” he sighs, wistfully gazing over the garage floor. It reeks of motor oil and car paint.

“Count me out,” Taehyung snorts, voicing your disinterest toward such greasy and smelly work. He tries to wiggle out of Jungkook’s hold, but the muscle bunny only straps an arm around his neck, until Taehyung’s squirming and clawing for air against the red sleeve of his jumpsuit.

“My own successful business, a shitload of sexy cars, and of course,” he pauses, squeezes the two of you tighter until you’re both groaning. “My two best friends.” The sap has the gall to peck the top of your heads, and that seems to be the final straw for Taehyung who rips himself away.

“Have this lovefest somewhere else, man,” Taehyung says, flattening his rumpled clothing down. “You’re really putting a nail in my reputation around here.”

Jungkook cackles, mindlessly goes to wrap himself around you from behind. “Your reputation has been trash since that scream you let out the other day,” he informs him, swaying the two of you back and forth. Your heart thunders in your chest, and you just barely manage to avoid Taehyung’s pointed stare.

“Whatever, I’m outta here.” With Taehyung peaced out, you’re left in Jungkook’s arms, gazing over his business like two old lovers. It makes your chest tight, so you quickly go to shake him off.

“We’re okay?” Jungkook murmurs, so soft you almost don’t hear. He’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist, thumb massaging over the bone there like he’s afraid you’ll bolt the second he lets you go.

You nod, tuck the clipboard to your side. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Those sad puppy eyes, pouty lips turned southward. You want to wipe that look off his face. He sighs, glances at where your skin meets and gives it a squeeze. “I’ve been an ass lately,” he settles on saying. “Said some mean things and ruined your bathroom rug—I’m sorry.”

You don’t know what to say.

Jungkook takes your silence as understanding, reaching down to hold both your hands in his slightly dirty ones. “It won’t happen again. I’d rather lose a million friends than lose you,” he confesses, and something about it feels too real, too raw. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You nod, the constricting feeling in your throat only tightening when he smiles at you, those gentle eyes and plush lips for only you to see. You want to kiss him, swallow him whole. Right here on the garage floor so everyone knows he’s yours.

But you can’t because he’s not.

You settle on swinging your arms between you. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” you warn him, narrowing your eyes playfully. There’s a heavy feeling in your heart, something akin to anguish, but you could never voice it out loud.

“I won’t,” Jungkook promises.

—

Jungkook visits again on a weekday, and you nearly send him straight home when he brandishes another bottle of wine in your face. “It’s nonalcoholic!” He exclaims before you can shut the door on him, foot lodged against the frame. You give in.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” You ask, curling up on the couch in just your shorts and huge t-shirt. Jungkook pops the bottle open, pouring the wine into two limited edition Shrek 2 cups you pulled out from the depths of your cabinet.

“Can’t hang with my bestie?” He throws back at you, snatching the remote from your hands before you can click on another episode of that dumb housewives show. You end up watching National Geographic, some documentary about the role of bioluminescent shrimp in the sea.

“Aw look, they’re kissing,” he cooes at a pair of seahorses that wander across the screen halfway through a shot of some school of shrimp. “How romantic.”

“Wonder what that’s like,” you comment, not thinking too much on the meaning behind your words until you can feel Jungkook’s stare pierce your cranium. “What?”

“You’ve never been kissed?” He blurts, and you choke on your wine.

“You were my first kiss,” you remind him, flush at the memory of the two of you sitting criss-cross applesauce on his bed, knees knocking in what was probably the worst first kiss in the history of first kisses.

Jungkook blinks. “Oh yeah,” he laughs. “With the Tony Hawk poster behind my bed, right?”

“The one and only.”

Jungkook hums, and the two of you melt back into the silence. Nice aquatic sounds fill the room, the camera panning over more colorful fish that Jungkook oohs at appreciatively. You don’t really pay attention, more interested in the way the wine swirls in your cup and the way you can feel Jungkook’s thigh pressed against your knee, like when you were thirteen and trying something new.

You know it doesn’t mean a lot to him. Just another silly childhood memory of you. Not like you have hundreds, thousands of them with each other. By the way he’d blurted the question, you doubt he even remembered it most days. But you did.

It plagued your mind all the time, the soft feel of his mouth and the trembling hand that had held yours. You wonder if he kisses the same still, lips gently puckered. He’s had years to learn, half a decade to get creative with Sojin, and the past four years of being a bachelor to explore more.

You’ve kissed too, plenty of guys who had no meaning and ones you thought would replace him. But it’d been a long time since you’ve let anyone into your bed, more content to please yourself without the overbearing weight of feelings and emotions to wrap around your throat.

Jungkook coughs, and you shake yourself from your thoughts.

He’s looking at you inquisitively, like he can’t get his usual read on you and would rather just ask what’s wrong. “You don’t,” a pause, “hang out with guys?”

It’s devastatingly cute, the way he asks if you’re fucking, and you want to pinch his cheeks. Instead you shake your head, try to hide the grin on your face from his inquisitive expression. “Just you and Taehyung,” you admit.

Jungkook nods. “Do you and Tae…?”

You shake your head furiously. “No! God no, we don’t do anything like that,” you clarify, the thought of Taehyung in your bed enough to make you want to gag.

Jungkook says nothing, just turns back to the documentary to watch more Nemos and Dorys flit across the screen. You polish off your cup of wine, leaning forward to settle it back on the coffee table. As you settle back into the couch cushions, Jungkook speaks again. “So you take care of yourself?”

You freeze.

“Yeah,” you admit after one complete meltdown in your head. Where was this coming from? Why did he want to know? You and Jungkook were close, but you never did this. You never divulged the details of your sex life, never bragged about who you slept with or how many there were. What was going on?

Jungkook doesn’t say anything after that, just turns his attention back to the tv screen, where you’re almost certain the sea horses from before are fucking. Not that you know what it looks like, but you hope at least someone in this room was enjoying themselves and not drowning in the mortification of having their life long crush ask them if they masturbate.

“So, do you use your hands or a toy?”

You choke, slap your chest to ease the pounding of your heart at Jungkook asking such a question. “E-Excuse me?” You ask, scandalized that Jungkook, your sweet and caring childhood friend turned Fabio, could ask you such a bold question about your personal affairs.

“What?” Jungkook says, like he truly doesn’t see the inappropriateness of the situation. He even raises his eyebrows at you, as if urging you to answer the question.

You sigh, fight the flush of your cheeks and stare idly at the cups on the table. “A toy. Hands don’t feel good,” you curtly reply, crossing your arms over your chest and straightening your legs off the couch, hoping that’s the end of his curiosity. This was enough to fuel your 3am anxiety meltdowns for the next five years.

Jungkook nods, and you can feel his penetrating gaze on the side of your face again. A great white shark swims across the screen. Jungkook strikes. “My hands feel good.”

“Jungkook!” You exclaim in horror (and excitement, but you’ll pretend it wasn’t there). “What has gotten into you?”

“What!” Jungkook defends, Bambi eyes looking at you like you’re the unreasonable one here. “We’re having a civil conversation in which I’m trying to open up your worldview.”

You’re flabbergasted. “This is not a civil conversation, what are you even talking about?” You scold, tug your arms around yourself like it’ll actually protect you from the words that don’t seem to be filtering out of his mouth properly. “Why are you so concerned about that?” You interrogate, hope your forceful tone will scare him away.

It doesn’t. Jungkook shrugs, some noncommittal i dont know sound. “I can’t be interested in what you get up to? What my best friend gets up to?” It’s the obvious emphasis on best friend that makes you step down.

“No,” you sigh, rub a hand down your face. “You can be interested,” you tell him gingerly. “We just never really… talked about... those kinds of things,” you rush out, turn away from him as the narrator on screen dives into the intricacies of bioluminescent shrimp in the animal food chain.

As if sensing your discomfort, Jungkook softens, scooting closer to you. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, too close and too warm. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he says, places a palm on your knee.

“I’m not!” You rush to assure him, facing him head on again. His eyes are big and implorative still, and you wonder why he became stuck on that of all things today. “It just surprised me.”

His lips quirk to the side, an unsure grin that has you leaning into his shoulder. You sit in silence, the rise and fall of his body with every breath lulling you into a sense of comfort.

A false one that Jungkook zeroes in on.

The documentary’s wrapping up, soothing ocean sounds and wind instruments playing as the credits roll across the screen, when the hand that had been laying so comfortably on your thigh inches up. At first, you don’t notice it, writing it off as Jungkook just shifting around. You tell yourself it’s just that, until his pinky makes contact with the end of your shorts.

Slowly, you turn towards him, catch his mocha irises lustfully lidded as he toys with the hem. “Kook?” You murmur, so soft, barely there.

“Hm?” He replies, continuing to play with the edge of your shorts, until he gets brave and his fingers slip beneath, index finger just barely grazing the panties underneath. You gasp. “This okay?”

Stuck between your arousal and your common sense, you flounder for a response. He’s so close, and smells so good, curls brushing against your temple the closer he gets. You want him so bad, want him to find his place between your thighs and put those pouty lips to use. But you know it’ll make things different, change whatever it is you’ve had for the past almost thirty years, and you’ll never bounce back. Another brush against your panties, pointer finger wiggling it’s way beneath the fabric, and you’re choking out a “yes.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs, and something in your core tingles at the name, thighs clenching together. “Uh uh,” he chides, nudges them open. “Stay still for me,” he commands, and you do, for all of ten seconds, but then he’s pressing his finger on your clit, panties and shorts muting the sensation. Still, it makes you squirm, fingers clutching the couch cushion beneath you as you struggle to keep them open. “Too much?” He asks, and you shake your head no.

“I-It’s fine,” you whisper, and Jungkook smiles.

He pets you, almost wondrously, for a few beats, watches the way the muscles in your thighs twitch with every press against your mound. Eventually, he decides it’s enough. “Hands don’t feel good for you?” He inquires, your words from earlier obviously having left their mark on him. Slowly, you shake your head. He glances down at the fist you have on the couch, composed features sliding up your face. “Well, yours are so small, princess. Of course they don’t feel good.”

He manhandles you around, tugs you onto the couch until you’re laying down, legs sprawled on either side of him. Pleased with the arrangement, Jungkook glances back down to your bottoms. “These have to go,” he tells you, hooks his fingers in the waistband and abruptly yanks down, leaving you just in your t-shirt.

You go to shy away, but Jungkook stops you, palms resting on the insides of your thighs, thumbs pressing into the skin soothingly. “My fingers are long, see?” He says, raising a hand to wiggle his fingers at you. You nod, heartbeat thundering in your ears. “They’ll feel nice inside.”

You know they will.

You can tell he knows his way around a woman’s body just from the way his hands glide over yours, carefully like he’s mapping you out. Ever so slowly, one hand grows closer, until his thumb is gently circling your clit, and you inhale sharply.

“So wet,” Jungkook hums, his other hand traveling further down, until he’s spreading your pussy lips with two fingers, trailing them through the arousal that gathers there.

You’ve never been so attentively cared for, never had a man zero in on your cunt like it was his first meal in ages. Jungkook’s eyes are clouded with lust, tongue peeking out from between his lips as he watches your pussy lips flutter at his touch.

He swirls his hand over your clit, pressing down. The first sound escapes you, a soft whimper that has you clamping your hand over your mouth in embarrassment. Jungkook grins down at you, shifts closer to press a kiss to the knuckles over your mouth.“Don’t hide from me,” he purrs, pulling away and pressing a kiss to your neck.

You cry out when he gets back to it, massaging your pussy with gentle hands and a thumb against your clit to placate you. “Jungkook,” you choke out, and he beams at his name, takes it as a sign to finally slip two fingers inside. “A-ah,” you whine, arching beneath him.

He basks in your noises, leans close again to press a kiss beneath your ear, against your jaw. “This okay?” He murmurs, curling the fingers inside of you. You mewl, throwing your arms around him as he begins working you open. “How does it feel, baby?”

“G-good,” you pant, turn your head until you can bury your nose in his hair, drown even more in his all-consuming aura.

Another kiss to your neck, before he’s suctioning his lips right below your ear, nipping and sucking at the skin to brand you his. “You like my hands?” He husks, and the patch of saliva he leaves on your neck feels cold without his mouth there. You nod, and Jungkook rewards you with a soft smooch over the hickey he’s left.

His fingers inside you curl and scissor, brush against every inch of your walls until you’re quivering beneath him, gasping his name out. You could melt if his fingers weren’t holding you together. “So tight,” he groans, curling his fingers. The movement touches upon something sensitive within you, and you moan his name loudly.

“O-Oh,” you pant, wiggling beneath him as you try to feel that again. Jungkook lets you, watches you desperately rut into his hands. He drifts away, lets his tongue mouth over your breasts, licking until there’s a damp spot on your t-shirt, the flimsy house bra you’d worn and the t-shirt combined not enough to hide your pebbled nipples.

The drag of his hands against your pussy isn’t enough, the motions not quick enough. Jungkook glances at your twisted features, your quivering pussy, and then, ever so gently, ducks over you, puckered lips letting one, long glob of saliva touch down on your pussy, trickling around his knuckles.

“Fuck,” you choke, watch his tongue swipe over his lip to break the thin bridge that connects you too. Suddenly, everything is smoother, the combined lubrication of your arousal and his spit making the glide of his fingers sinfully slick.

Frantic for release, you lose yourself in him, ready to free fall into your pleasure so long as Jungkook is there to catch you. “That’s it,” he encourages, picks up the pace of his fingers inside you. “Come on, beautiful, let me see that gorgeous face of yours when you come.”

“K-Kook,” you sob, and he smiles against your neck. His fingers work fast, until your muscles are all pulled tight, waiting for that final push to unravel. You make the mistake of glancing down, only to be caught by that pearly smile and adoring gaze. You’re in heaven, you know you are.

There’s no other explanation for this—the way Jungkook holds you like you’re his, hands so gently caressing your most intimate parts. You’re almost convinced you’re having a fever dream, a sick, too realistic dream, but then Jungkook’s biting down on your shoulder through your t-shirt, subtly rutting against your thigh.

“Cum for me,” he purrs against your neck, and you do, sobbing as your orgasm rolls over you, the heavy weight of his cock against your thigh. “Jungkook,” you cry, so pitifully, it has him lunging forward, a kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth.

You feel sweaty and gross, unbelievably tired from the gentle way he opened you up. Blindly, you reach down, feel the hardness of his cock beneath his sweatpants, but Jungkook nudges you away. You huff. “Let me,” you whimper, reach for him again even though you can see the slowness in your movement. “Need your cock in my mouth,” you drawl, almost sleepily. 

“Shh,” he soothes, lips pressed against your neck, where he’s still licking and sucking over every inch of you. You whine. “You don’t have to do a thing, gorgeous,” he assures you, “just wanted to make you feel good.”

—

Work gets stressful shortly after. There’s a new batch of interns coming in this season, new faces who will mess up your coffee orders and jam the printers for a good few weeks. There’s normally a team of employees who train them, a mix of relatively older people from different departments who show them around; a girl in the finance department, the one who usually trains them, is on maternity leave. With no one else to fall back on, the head of the department pushes the duties off on you, claiming your flexibility and work ethic make you the perfect candidate for such a role.

Normally you’d thrive at the praise, eat up every single word like it sustained you. In a way, it did. It was nice to be appreciated and recognized for your hard work, to be thought of so highly, especially in a male-dominated company. However, this time, you know it’s out of convenience that the head kisses up to you, and you end up begrudgingly taking the role.

The gaps in your schedule you’d normally spend relaxing or catching up on other projects are filled with bumbling interns, calling for help every chance they get. It’s like they’ve never done anything on their own, this group, always asking you the correct way to do this, the right way to do that. You haven’t mentored interns in a while, so you spend the first day breezing over old powerpoints and print outs you made years ago. You remember why you’re not fit for mentoring when one of them asks you how to navigate Excel. You nearly rip their head off.

There’s so much going on, you barely get time to see Jungkook, let alone text him. You saw him once the morning after, stack of pancakes on your kitchen table as he rushed you off to work. The shop didn’t open for another hour. He was sweet, kissed your forehead as you left, but he’s always done that. You didn’t have time to talk about whatever the night before was, or what that made the two of you now.

On Friday night, one week into your nightmarish role, you pull into the shop. You'd like to convince yourself it was routine, visiting the shop, but that’s a lie. You desperately miss Jungkook. 

 Most of the garage doors that are usually pulled open during the day are shut, save for one. The last of Jungkook’s employees are leaving, bidding you adieu as you step out of your car. Park Jimin is there, repairing some rickety car in the back corner.

“Boo,” you call playfully, and Jimin doesn’t flinch, merely pulls his head from out of the hood to flash you an easygoing smile.

He whistles at the sight of you. “You look like you’ve been through one of helluva week,” he says, and you, despite your strong personality, feel yourself blush at his comment. Jeez, did you look that bad? Jimin doesn’t elaborate, just pulls out a stool for you to sit on beside where he’s working. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You glance at the plexiglass, the offices hiding down the hall. Jungkook could wait, you presume, settling down beside him. Your skirt tugs up as you settle onto the pleather seat, so you cover your legs meekly with your purse. “Work’s been crazy,” you explain, and Jimin laughs at the obvious.

“You’re telling me,” He hums, and you roll your eyes playfully. “What’s going on at work?”

What hasn’t been going on, you think to yourself, before launching into a full retelling of your new horrendous position, of all the interns with their clueless eyes and useless notebooks. Jimin chuckles, indulges you in a few comments here and there that only fuel you on. He’s just about done with whatever he’s doing to the car at the same time your story wraps up, explaining how you found yourself here, desperate for Jungkook to whisk you off to that arcade you loved as kids. “Jungkook?” He asks, and you nod. “He left a while ago.”

You freeze. “Huh?” You say, dumbly. You almost want to laugh at your own impulsiveness, for showing up without sending him a text or a warning to let him know you were coming. You almost do laugh, but then you remember you and Jungkook never did that anyway. Hell, he showed up at your house a few weeks ago unannounced and drunk. The two of you were hardly the type to plan ahead, so it was weird for him to not be here. He’s been at the shop almost every night since it’s opened, the days he’s not usually a holiday.

“Jimin…” you begin, glancing at the receptionist window once more. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin shuts his tool box, kicking a cart off to the side. “He left with that lady,” he tells you, doesn’t hear the way your heart rips straight out of your chest. No way. “Tall, pretty. Had that nice Corvette he fixed up a while ago.”

“Sojin,” you mumble, and Jimin nods.

“Think that was her name.” As if sensing your tumultuous thoughts, he steps closer, one hand reaching out to steady you. “You alright?”

“God,” you exhale, pushing yourself away from Jimin and the garage and the window. The stool rolls away, almost hits the side of another car but Jimin catches it. He rushes over towards you, watching you wobble in your heels.

“Honey,” Jimin says, steady and warm beside you. “Sit down for me, yeah?” He guides you to a row of seats against the wall, nailed into the floor so you can’t push them away and make even more of a mess. Not that that’s your concern, your mind and heart too preoccupied with thoughts of Jungkook lying to you, going out with that woman again, despite your obvious hatred for her and his promise to you.

Jimin disappears, rushes over to the other side of the garage before returning with a water bottle for you. He cracks it open, presses it into your hands, and then against your lips when you don’t move. “Drink,” he encourages, watching you with worried eyes that only grow more and more concerned the deeper you fall into your thoughts.

You want to cry and beat Jungkook up at the same time. You want to scream at him for lying to you after treating you so nicely, holding you so warmly. Instead, you gasp for breath, clutching your face in your hands like it’s the only thing that grounds you.

There’s a beep outside, chirpy and cute in the way only older models are, and you whip your head up, the headlights of the Corvette painting you in shades of yellow as it rolls to a stop, the tears you hadn’t felt glistening under the light.

Jungkook flings himself out of the driver’s seat, and a sob catches in your throat when Sojin steps out of the passenger seat. Jungkook shoves everything in his path to the side, carts flying into the few automobiles on the floor, tools clanging loudly onto the cement, and just as those arms you love so much are reaching out for you, there’s a hand on his chest stopping him.

“What did you do to her?” Jungkook snarls, pushing Jimin roughly to the side. Jimin, smaller but not weaker, holds his ground, clutching Jungkook by the material of his jumpsuit a second time. “Let— go!” Jungkook shouts, finally worming away from his employee.

He nearly trips before you, stumbling to his knees as he takes your quivering hands in his. “What’s wrong,” he asks, throwing a nasty glare back at Jimin who watches silently from the side. Sojin is still by her car, leaning across the driver’s side now. “What did he do, what did he say?”

You shake your head, dropping your head to tuck your chin against your chest. You hate this. Hate letting him or Jimin or Sojin see you cry. It’s not the person you are, not the self-made woman you claim to be as you cry over the same man who is unknowingly defending you from himself.

“Let go,” you whisper, hoarse and choked. You shake your arms, but he doesn’t let up.

“Tell me what's wrong,” Jungkook pleads, inching closer to you. His breath is warm and he smells like oil, just like he always does. He also smells sweet and floral in a way only a woman could. He smells like Sojin.

You sob, rip your hands away from and scurry blindly towards Jimin, who catches you in his arms despite the shock that paints his face.

Jungkook watches with an expression of hurt, watches you snuggle into the arms of another man over an issue you won’t tell him about. Jimin says nothing, just rubs his palm over your back. He gestures towards the red corvette, the woman standing by it and Jungkook takes the hint.

You hear the kitten-like purr as it pulls off, the silence that follows afterwards. You don’t know where Jungkook is, if he’s here or if he left with her, and you don’t want to. “Tell me he’s gone,” you beg Jimin, quiet gasps against his neck.

He nods, slowly lets you untangle yourself from his arms as the two of you stare over the empty garage. The Corvette is gone, and so is Jungkook. Before Jimin can tell you where he is, you’re wiping a hand over your face, embarrassed at the moisture it comes back with. 

“I take it he’s not supposed to be with her?” Jimin tries to joke. 

Neither of you laugh. 

You sniffle, process what just happened, how you acted. You’ve never felt that way before, never experienced such brutal heartbreak. 

You don’t know what you expected from Jungkook. In your heart, you convinced yourself what happened in your apartment was the start of something new between the two of you, a natural result of your long friendship. Realistically, you know you should’ve waited until the two of you spoke, discussed whatever happens next. But you’d spent the past week comforted by the fact you’d finally gotten to experience something like that with him, daydreaming about him every chance you got. 

Somewhere in your mind, you had convinced yourself your involvement with him would finally be what broke his connection with Sojin, the final nail that would make him forget about her. It’s painfully funny how such wasn’t the case. 

Jimin breaks you out of your thoughts. “You okay to drive home?” He gently inquires, and you turn your gaze over toward your car. 

Did you trust yourself to make it home without shedding a single tear? Absolutely not. But between Sojin and Jimin, you had let enough strangers see you fall apart over a man tonight. 

“Perfectly okay,” you tell him. 

—

The interns pick up on your sour attitude the week that follows. They don’t ask dumb questions, and don’t mess up your order. You talk them through a presentation, show them how to properly organize finance charts. There’s a slide that has clip art, a goofy dollar sign with a smile and shoes. Jungkook put it there when you first made the PowerPoint. After the little lesson, you go to the bathroom and try not to cry.

A week later, and the interns don’t need you anymore. They do well, and your boss praises you for being such a good mentor. You thank him and he lets you go home early.

Home is empty. Jungkook doesn’t show up unannounced, mostly because you’ve changed the number lock on the door. You want to eat salad today, for some reason, but don’t have any of the ingredients for it, so you walk to the supermarket a few blocks away.

The supermarket feels the same as it always does at night. That ghostly feeling of being watched in an empty aisle, the scratchy tune of whatever Top 50 radio station they settled on today. You get there and decide you don’t want salad anymore, so you buy ingredients for a stew instead, all of which you probably had at home.

When you step outside, the air around your bare thighs is cold. Summer was ending, which meant Jungkook’s birthday was coming up. You ball the receipt in your hand and fling it at the trash. You miss, so you hobble over to pick it up.

The trash is beside a red Corvette with two racing stripes.

“Hey,” Sojin says, arms crossed over her chest as she walks up behind you, sizing up your crouched form beside her car. “What’re you doing to my car?”

You breathe in, shake the crumpled up receipt at her, before stuffing it in the garbage. She says nothing as you stalk by her, and you’re back on the main road when she pulls up next to you, window rolled down to speak to you. “Get in,” she gestures, “it’s gonna rain.”

“No,” you say, and a fat raindrop falls right on your nose.

The door unlocks and you climb in, plastic bags crowded by your feet.

The drive is silent. You only live a few minutes from the store, and you point out an empty spot by the sidewalk for her to pull up to. A dry thanks is on the tip of your tongue, but you never get to say it.

“My dad has cancer,” Sojin says.

“That sucks,” you respond, feel bad right away and say, “I’m sorry.”

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by it, shifting the Corvette out of drive and cutting the engine. “He’s probably not gonna see Christmas,” she adds, and you don’t know what to say. You don’t care about her or her crazy father.  “I wanted to do something nice for him before he, y’know.”

“Died,” you fill, and at that she glares.

“Yeah,” she huffs. “Before he died. So I fixed up his car. But the place I took it to didn’t know how to fix an engine so old, and ended up fucking it up even more.” You nod, she continues. “Then I bumped into Jungkook and—“

“Took advantage of his kindness,” you finish, remembering the twinkle in his eyes when he’d told you about their encounter, that day in the empty garage that seemed lightyears away. “Well congrats. Hope your dad liked it,” you sigh, push open the door and get soaked to the bone immediately.

“Wait!” Sojin calls, hopping out after you. She’s still as beautiful as she was when you were seventeen, even with rain soaking her entire being. “I didn’t ask him to repaint it, but that’s what my dad loved the most.”

You want to go inside, make your stew, and cry in it.

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by the bangs that stick to her forehead or the water that washes down her spine. “When I told him Jungkook did it… he wanted to see him. Apologize and stuff.”

You snort. “Apologize,” you repeat, tightening your grip on your shoppings bags. “For what, Sojin? For almost killing him with this car or for treating him like shit for five years?” She says nothing, stares at the hood of the car like she doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “He was crazy for you, you know that? He would have done anything for you and not once did you stand up to your dad for him. You let that man call him worthless, stupid, a waste of space. And for what? For you to break up with him for some rich asshole who would never treat you half as good as Jungkook did?” You sneer.

The rain feels cold and your groceries feel heavier, so you whirl on your heel and make for your building entrance.

“He never liked me,” Sojin calls out, and you wonder if she even heard the second half of your emotional outburst. You turn to face her with fire in your eyes, and are only a little surprised at the sadness that paints hers. “He never liked me the way he said he did.” You could knock her teeth out.

“You’re stupid,” you spit, and she rounds the car at an insane speed until she’s glaring down at you over her perfectly sculpted nose.

“He never liked me,” Sojin repeats angrily. “He was always busy looking at you—for approval, for attention, I don’t fucking know. He would hold me and touch me but it never felt real. It always felt like practice for him…” she sniffles and your breath hitches in your throat. “We dated all through college,” she says like you don’t know, like you didn’t stress about it for years. “Everyday closer to graduation felt like a ticking bomb. Like he was just waiting for you to come back. To come home.”

You remember it.

The excited texts he’d send you everyday, the plans he made for you. Jungkook was more excited than your parents about you coming home. The five hours had done a number on him, and after four years all he wanted was to have you close again. You remember the hug in his driveway, the way his mom had told you he’d waited all day for you. It’s weird hearing it from Sojin.

Too overwhelmed, you decide to deflect. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you murmur, and you’re surprised she hears it over the pouring rain.

A loud scoff. “You’re stupid,” she repeats back, jabbing a finger at your chest. You glare, and so does she. Like two animals in a cage you size each other up. “You’re stupid and ugly and I hate you,” she spits, and you drop your shopping bags to lunge at her.

You don’t swing, just grab her by the shirt and move to slam her against the wall, but she’s tall and a little strong, bony fingers wrapping around your wrists like spiders. “Why can’t you see how much he likes you?” She screams, like it hurts to admit it. “He’s been in love with you since forever, and all you’ve ever done is run away!”

“I never—“ you gasp, pushing her away from you. Sojin stumbles, but she doesn’t fall. “I’ve never run away,” you defend, heart beating in your chest too fast to be normal. “Some of us have careers and lives we want to live—I don’t want to depend on a man for the rest of my life!”

She growls, tugs at her wet hair like you’re giving her a headache. Stomping up to you once more, she pushes you hard with both hands, and you barely catch yourself in time. “He would have followed you to that fucking fancy school, but you told him it was better to save money here! Told him to not waste his time and just settle there! You did this to us—to all of us!”

You choke. Lightning flashes behind her, and for a moment all you can see is your gentle prodding, sitting behind him as he filled out applications, big wannabe business brain telling him the easiest way to save money for his auto shop was by going straight into technical school. The small frown on his face that day you’d packed for college, and the way he’d stood in your parent’s driveway until you couldn’t see him anymore, a little spec in your rearview mirror.

Sojin, sensing she’s made her point, says nothing. She scoops up your fallen grocery bags and shoves them into your trembling hands, stomping back to her car and pulling off with a roar, loud and ferocious, and nothing like a kitten.

The groceries in your bag end up in the trash.

—

Taehyung invites you to lunch one day, and you go. You’re starving and desperate to get away from work, where you’re paranoid everyone knows there’s something wrong with you. You meet up at a cute little bistro, and he smiles and hugs you when you arrive. You sit in comfort for all of two seconds before he jumps into his interrogation.

“What’s going on with you and Kook?” He asks, casually flipping through the menu. Your hand stills around your glass of water, and you eventually set it down without ever taking a drink. Your mind instinctively maps out a lie, but Taehyung has known you a while now, knows the quirk of your lips when you’re about to lie your ass off. “Don’t lie to me. I haven’t seen you at the shop in almost a month. And he doesn’t go out,” he mentions. “I think he spent four nights at the shop before I made him go home.”

You deflate.

Too embarrassed to explain, you flip through your own menu, and when the waitress comes you order the first words your eyes focus on. Taehyung doesn’t push you, just patiently gazes out over the bustling street.

Finally, you break. “We… did a thing.”

“Uh huh,” he nods, reading some ad on the side of a bus that passes by. “Need you to elaborate, babe.”

You squirm. “We… fooled around,” you say for lack of more appropriate wording. There’s a family sitting beside you, and you’d rather die than let some nooby pre-teen listen to the details of yours and Jungkook’s night.

“You fucked?” You choke, make a loud sputtering noise like it’ll drown out Taehyung’s voice to the other patrons. “What’s wrong with that? We all knew it’d happen sooner or later,” he shrugs.

“No,” you seethe. “We didn—I didn’t.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, the same way Sojin did that day on the sidewalk. You almost throw your glass of water at him. “We…” you sigh. “We did a thing, and then the week after he went out with Sojin.”

Taehyung scowls at the mere mention of her, so the glass of water is returned to its coaster. “Really? He went out with her right away? He’s cancelled.”

You nod, rubbing your hands over your face. “He… her dad has cancer and is literally on his deathbed so she wanted to fix up his car for memories sake, which he loved, so he wanted to apologize to Kook and thank him for fixing up his car,” you rush out, and now Taehyung chokes, water spewing out of his nose. You shriek, drawing everyone’s attention as you pat down your soaked blouse. “Tae!”

“I’m sorry,” he cries, wiping at the sting in his nose. “He-she, what?!” You ignore him, focus on battling the damp spot on your blazer. “God, that’s crazy,” Taehyung snorts, winces at the feeling in his nose.

After the two of you have settled, the manager kicks you out for your inappropriate conversations and childish behavior. You leave with your tails tucked between your legs. Taehyung holds your hand as he walks you back to your workplace, you quietly fill him in on all the other details surrounding yours and Jungkook’s fallout, from your breakdown in the garage to your weirdly dramatic confrontation with Sojin. “Well,” he claps, slamming a hand down on the traffic light button, even though both of you know it doesn’t work. “That explains a lot of things.”

“Yeah,” you agree, pushing down the crosswalk when the light finally changes of its own accord. “Do you,” you pause, feet glued to the sidewalk. “Do you think she was right?”

Taehyung glances back at you, so small and unsure in the midst of a bustling crowd. He smiles, sweet and soft. Rare coming from him. His free hand ruffles the top of your head, and he brings you into his chest. “Babe, the hottest guy in your grade was intimidated by scrawny, pre-muscle bunny Jungkook. I’m pretty sure he feels some type of way towards you.”

Your lip wobbles dangerously, and you bite down on it to stop. Taehyung pats your head, barks at some old guy when he yells at the two of you for standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

When you’re outside your office, you speak again. “You were not the hottest guy in our grade, by the way.”

Taehyung snorts. “I totally was.”

—

You hideout for the rest of the week.

On Friday night, you finally have the balls to show yourself again, and you hop on the highway leading out of the city before you can overthink it. The buildings slowly melt away, replaced with cozier homes, tinier shops, and by the time you’re pulling up the street, you’re deep in doubt again.

It’s not that late yet, only a little past sunset, but the garage doors, usually open to the street, are all shut. You frown, pull around the block, reverse into a spot across the street. Locking your car, a gust of wind nearly trips you as you cross the street. The front office is dark, metal shutters pulled over the entrance.

Eventually, you stumble around until you find the tiny backdoor squeezed beside some dumpsters, grateful for the key Jungkook had given you so long ago.

Just as Taehyung predicted, a pair of red jumpsuit clad feet stick out from beneath a car. A nice car, an even older Corvette than Sojin’s dad’s, still shiny despite the model it is. It looks like a show car with the way it glints at you, black paint almost glossy. The only light in the entire garage is a lamp, positioned over the area where the legs are working, and a flashlight that occasionally beams at you when the holder loses his grip. No music today, just the hum of a rotating fan. You creep over.

Jungkook’s humming a song when you get to him, foot tapping idly on the ground. You suck in a deep breath and nudge his foot with the tip of your heel. You have exactly two seconds to jump away when he abruptly rolls out from beneath the car, concentrated features scanning quickly around until they land on you.

The garage is still, until Jungkook jumps into action. “___,” he stammers, stumbling to his feet. The rolling board drifts away, bumping into the corner of the metal table beside you. “Hi, um,” he flounders, brushing his fingers through his hair, palms wiping over the front of his pants. Finally, “hi.”

The bad bitch Chanel skirt-suit you’d worn today fails you for the first time in a long time. Your hands feel sweaty, so you clutch them behind your back. “Hi, Jungkook,” you exhale, and all the emotions you’d swallowed for so long, the feelings that tightened around your chest and throat like boa constrictors, come oozing out, until all you can see is his puckered mouth and twinkling gaze.

He coughs, tries to casually lean against the car, but greatly miscalculates the distance. “What, um, what brings you here?” He asks, foot tapping nervously against the ground.

There’s a box of takeout on the floor he tries to subtly kick beneath the car, and a plastic bottle of soda that makes a loud noise when he tries that too. You twist your lips, watching the anxious shuffling of his feet. You breeze over his question, plaster a tight smile into your face, and ask your own question; “how long have you been here?” Tentatively, you lower yourself onto a rolling stool. “It’s late,” you state the obvious.

Jungkook’s leg bounces, and he pats his hand over it nervously. “Um, an hour? Just working on something,” he answers, cheeks warm as his eyes flicker everywhere but you. “What brings you here?” He repeats, and you know you can’t deflect it this time.

Shrugging half heartedly, you wait for him to finally look at you. When he does, he almost looks away but the glint in your eye stops him from doing so. “We need to talk,” you finally say. Jungkook visibly deflates, lips pulling into a thin line. You contemplate letting him relieve his thoughts first, but you came here with a point to make, for questions that needed answering, and you’re scared one word from him will wash them all away.

“Listen,” you start, smoothing your hand over the edge of your skirt. “I know something weird happened between us, and then I kinda freaked out on you, but… I need you to tell me the truth.”

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”

You swallow, try to push back the frustration that builds in his throat. “Did you ever even like Sojin?”

Jungkook blinks. “Huh?” A snort. “You’re joking,” he snickers, wipes at faux tears in the corner of his eyes, before your unsmiling face registers and he’s schooling his features. “___, I did like her. I dated her for five years. How could I not like her?”He says seriously, like he can’t believe you would ever question such a thing. 

You exhale, pick at your fingernails. “I met her,” you admit, and Jungkook’s face twists in confusion. “At the supermarket last week. She said you never liked her.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Of course she’ll think that—we’re exes. I doubt she remembers all our best memories,” he sighs, turning back to organize his tool cart like he’s done with this conversation.

Raising to your feet you call his name again, and he hums absentmindedly. “Sojin said you never liked her because you were always chasing after me,” you accuse, laying all your cards out on the table. Your claim startles him, and you watch as he jostles half the tool cart with his surprise.

“She, what?” He huffs, cheeks as red as his jumpsuit. He forces out a laugh, airy and tight like you’re starring in your elementary school play again and the nerves are eating him up. “I-I don’t know why she’d say that.”

He’s flustered, obviously so, as he scoops the metal tools back onto the cart, bumping into three other things before settling back down on the floor to roll under the car. He pushes himself under, and you sternly call out, “Jungkook.” He freezes.

You strut over, brush your hands behind your skirt as you crouch beside him. “Always,” you quietly remind him. Jungkook says nothing. For a moment, you wonder if you’ve grossly misread the situation, if this was just another one of her schemes to drive the two of you apart.

Slowly, Jungkook appears from under the car. There’s a new stain on his cheekbone, brown and slick. He sits up, wide eyes tracing over your features likes he’s trying to seal them in his memory. “Yeah,” he admits, lips twisting as he watches the surprise take your features, before he’s lolling his head back to stare at the ceiling, leaving you to stare at the column of his neck.

“I do,” Jungkook admits, pushing through his emotions. It’s hard for him to confess, you realize, watching the way his Adam’s apples contracts and his jaw twitches from having to say so. “I like you so much it hurts.”

His confession leaves you feeling weird. On one hand, you want nothing more than to spring yourself on him and kiss his face until the stray oil marks are gone and replaced with the outline of your lipstick prints. You want to smother him and hold him, let him know he’s yours, always has been.

On the other hand… it’s sad. Going on thirty years and never did the two of you guess your feelings for each other. You doubt either of you are good at hiding them, with the way everyone seems to have known except you two. Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you.

A hand touches your knee, and you return your attention to his downtrodden appearance, chin tucked against his chest. “Please,” he murmurs. “Say something.”

You say nothing.

Tentatively, you reach a hand out, run it along the side of his head, through his mane, chocolate waves touching his cheekbones. He almost looks like when you guys were kids, round eyes watching your every move. Your hand continues down the back of his head, cupping the nape of his neck comfortingly. Jungkook leans into the touch, even though his shoulders are tense. You soothe your fingers over the tight muscles in his neck.

“Since when?” You inquire.

Jungkook blinks, lets your palm trace along his jawline and cup his cheek. “Since you dated Taehyung when we were sixteen.”

Mentally, you curse every deity in existence for putting Kim Taehyung in your life. “God,” you groan, burrowing your hands in your palms. Jungkook, surprised by your reaction, rolls closer, moves around until you’re crouched between his long legs. “Since me and that pinhead dated for twenty minutes?” You repeat.

Jungkook shifts closer, rubs your back. “It was 65 hours, actually,” he corrects, and the exact duration of your relationship makes you cringe. “I… counted.”

Small and shy, almost embarrassed. You glance back up at him. “Why?” You prod, and Jungkook’s cheek flush, palm stilling.

“Uh,” he starts. “I was nervous? That you two were in it for the long run. And I, I don’t know. It was easier to just count,” he lamely finishes, and his dangly earring whips around with him when he avidly avoids your gaze.

You sigh, catch his hand in yours. “Tae and I would have never lasted,” you tell him, remembering all the times the guy made you pick him up from one night stands in the last few years. “He wasn’t who I wanted.”

His foot jumps, toe tapping against the wheel of the car next to you. He wants to ask, you know he does, but Jungkook was quite possibly the only other person on this planet who could overthink something more than you.

Deciding to ease his worries, you give his hand a squeeze. “It was you,” you confess, feel like an elephant lands straight on your chest. “It is you,” you correct.

His forehead knocks against yours, hard, and you hiss at the bump that probably forms. “What the fu—“

“Tell me it’s not temporary,” Jungkook pleads, eyes crinkled in worry. You’re going cross eyed from trying to look at him like this, so you flit your eyes off somewhere to the side. His hand is heavy in yours. “Tell me you’re not just doing this for closure, or because you want to see what it would have been like, please,” he begs, “that would be so fucked up, because I’m so in love with you I actually think I might die.”

The dramatic confession makes you painfully warm. You nod, your lower lip trembling at the way he looks at you, like you single-handedly controlled this entire world with a flick of your wrist. “I-I love you too,” you parrot back, the first time you’ve ever said it, the millionth time you’ve ever thought it.

Jungkook visibly relaxes, pulls away from you to drop his head on your shoulder instead. Your legs are starting to cramp from the tight crouching position, ankles wobbly in your heels. His hair smells good still, despite the hours he’s probably spent beneath a car, and you gingerly pat the back of his head.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and you repeat it. “I love you,” he says again, and you repeat it. “I lov—“

“Me, yes, I’ve heard,” you cut him off, smile at the snort he releases, and when he turns his head, his lips brush against your neck. You’re instantly thrown back a few weeks, to that night on the couch with the limited edition Shrek 2 cups and the wine; the gentle touches that left you trembling for weeks. You inhale quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him away.

His eyes are too soft, face too relaxed as he stares at you. “My legs hurt,” you tell him, quickly getting up. You whirl around, facing the car and digging through your purse like you suddenly have something to do.

“Oh,” you gasp, watch two arms wind around your waist, the dirty red jumpsuit contrasting against the tweed material of your high-end Chanel jacket. Jungkook sighs lovingly by your ear, snuggles his face into your neck. “W-we should go out,” you blurt, nerves jumping when he squeezes tighter, burrows closer. “To celebrate!”

Jungkook hums. “Yeah?” His voice is too low. You’re in trouble. “Celebrate what?”

You squirm, breath catching in your throat when he presses you closer against the hood of the car. “Um,” you shakily exhale, hands splaying out over the sleek surface of the black hood to steady yourself. It’s so shiny you can almost see your reflection. “U-Us!” You finally manage to exclaim.

A kiss against the side of your neck, and your spirit just about exits your body. Your knees feel weak, and you're just about ready to throw another mediocre excuse his way, when something warm and wet traces up the column of your neck. “Kook!” You gasp.

“Shh,” he murmurs, deep voice instantly soothing over your nerves. His hips nudge against your behind, and you jump at the bulge that presses against your lower back. One hand unwraps from around you, gliding down your arm sensually until he’s trapping your fingers on the hood of the car with his own. A swift kiss against your ear. “You owe me, remember?”

You flush, remember the filthy promises your list-addled brain has spewed that night at your house, the almost erratic development of your thoughts as you became consumed in the thought of him. Reminisce on the prod of his fingers against your cunt, his hot breath against your ear.

Suddenly, Jungkook whirls you around, traps you with his gaze as two hands flutter to rest on the small of your back. He’s looking down at you with those lovesick eyes, hooded with lust as they trace over the dip of your Cupid’s bow. “You’ll do that for me, won’t you?” A soft brush of his mouth against yours, pouty lips guiding you through a kiss, until you’re sighing against him, and he’s pulling away.

Numbly, you nod, almost hypnotized by the soft smirk that overtakes his features as he pushes you down, watches you sink to your knees before him. The concrete feels cold and hard beneath your knees. His jumpsuit is knotted around his waist, and you shakily unravel it, the elastic waistband staring you in the face afterwards.

“Take your time,” Jungkook croons, hand coming to rest on the side of your face, knuckles brushing over your skin delicately.

You tug it down, and one flash of that underwear band has your nerves flying out the window. You shove his t-shirt out of the way, let your hands trail over the ridges of his abdomen in your haste. He helps you by tugging it over his head. With that gone, his black boxers stare you in the face, and you yank those down with no hesitation.

“Jesus, baby,” Jungkook chuckles, though it’s choked off when you grasp his engorged cock in his hand. You should be surprised, marveling at the sight, considering it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him like this. But you brain is working overtime, too immersed in the vein that runs alongside it and the tip that throbs back at you. Later you can worship it, you think. Right now, you needed it down your throat.

The tip is flaming and swollen, his cock still growing plump in your hold, your hands slowly dragging up and down the length. You lean forward, press a gentle kiss below the mushroom head, trail kisses down the length until you're meeting your knuckles, and trail them back again. Jungkook sucks in a tight breath, leans to rest his palms on the car behind you, as he watches you on him.

A head of precum escapes, and you lunge for it, swirl your tongue in and around the slit on his cock, until his entire body tenses up. “Fuck,” he grunts, watches you ease his cock into your mouth. You groan at the stretch, the drag against the corners of your lips making your eyes roll backwards. “___, baby, a little more?” He asks, voice hoarse as he watches you sink down further on his cock.

You comply, close your eyes and focus on relaxing your throat. There’s a hand on the back of your head, impatiently pushing you down his length. “Shit,” he cries, unconsciously ruts against you. You gag, and he shushes you with a caress against your cheek. “Sorry,” he huffs, “just a little more for me, okay?”

Eyes squeezed shut tightly, you let him push you down until his cock hits the back of your throat and you can’t take anymore. The prod against your throat has tears springing to your eyes. “Gonna move now,” Jungkook announces, thumb brushing away the tears that collect in the corners. “Be good.”

He drags himself out, your saliva coating every inch of him, and when just the tip is resting on your tongue, he shoves back in. You whimper, palms digging into his thighs. Jungkook brushes a hand down your hair, soothes you for all of two seconds before he’s pulling out and doing it all over again. He picks up the pace, loses himself in the feeling of your hot mouth around him, tongue dragging over his cock.

The feeling in your throat burns, each thrust of his hips against your mouth making your jaw more and more sore. But god, it feels good to have him so close, his scent swarming your sense, groans like music to your ears. You want to please him, want him to feel as good as you did at your place. You want it even more now that you know how he feels, know he’s probably thought about this before.

A brutal thrust has you gagging, throat contracting around his length. “Shh,” Jungkook sighs, the fingers buried in your hair flattening out to run over your head. “Doing so good for me, beautiful.”

You bask in the praise, let a hand flutter down to the apex of your thighs, pressing down to relieve some of the pressure. Jungkook groans, rolls his hips against you and keeps you there for a second. Your throat spasms, his dick pressed hotly against it, and you feel your panties grow embarrassingly sticky. Eventually, he draws back out.

“You like this?” He hums, rutting against you faster now, nose brushing against the sparse hairs on his pelvis with every slam of his hips. You nod around a gag, eyes clouding with tears, lips slippery with saliva and precum. One particular thrust is so hard, it nearly sends you knocking back into the car, Jungkook’s hand on the back of your head barely saving you. “Fucking hell,” he spits, “look so pretty with my cock shoved down your throat, princess.”

You moan around him, feel a subtle twitch against your tongue before he’s pulling himself out. “Shit,” he cursed, pushing you away as he goes to grab his own dick in his hand, tugging at it like a madman. “Wh-Where?” He asks, and you stare dumbly at the sight of him playing with himself, almost don’t realize he’s asking you a question.

You take too long, scramble for words too long, and even if you did have one your throat is far too sensitive yo answer. Jungkook grows impatient. Pulling you closer by the collar of your Chanel suit jacket, tugging it open until the flimsy buttons snap, and the tank top you wore beneath comes into view. He aims the tip of his cock towards your sternum, and a few jacks later, he’s coming, cum spurting against your chest. You watch the cum trail down between the valley of your breasts, until the feeling comes to rest against the inside wire of your bra, sticky and gross, sliding along the underside of your boobs. “Shit,” Jungkook repeats, eyes furrowed over you.

Your knees ache, and you nearly trip when you stand up, steadying yourself against the side of the car. Jungkook seems to regain his sense by then, hand trailing around your waist. You meet his eye, and almost immediately turn away, the blood in your face rapidly rising.

Jungkook laughs. “Don’t get shy on me now,” he teases, gets too close and your noses bump. “Sorry,” he smiles, too shiny and bright for the sinful acts you just committed in an auto shop.

“Put your dick away,” you huff, let him nuzzle closer to you, and when he doesn’t move to tuck himself into his pants, you go do it for him.

Jungkook frowns, swats your hand away. “This dick has places to be,” he informs you, and you scoff.

“Refractory period,” you remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

“Well I’m not exactly gonna stick it in you this instant,” he drawls. “Gotta stretch you out first.”

You go to complain, tell him he doesn’t have to over exert himself. Truthfully, with Jungkook you feel like one good session was enough to sustain you for weeks. After last time, your skin had flowed for an entire week. But then his hand is slithering up your backside, sneaking under your skirt to grab a handful of your ass.

There’s quickly drying drool collecting at the corners of your mouth, saliva from when he’d fucked your throat just a few moments prior, that he kisses away. His mouth slots over yours, and your heart and pussy both flutter at the kiss.

It’s gentle and sweet for all of ten seconds, his mouth moving against yours until you feel the wet press of his tongue against your bottom lip, tracing along until you open your mouth. He wastes no time shoving his tongue past your lips, letting it dance with yours as he pulls you closer, hands gripping the globes of your ass. You let him lick his way into your mouth, more and more saliva catching in the corners of your mouth until he’s pulling away with a wet pop.

He pulls away, doesn’t stray too far, proud smirk crossing his features at the sight of your slicked lips. “You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” You ask dumbly, tongue mindlessly swiping over your lips.

Jungkook’s eyes track the movement. “The saliva,” he clarifies. “The spit. You liked it at your place too,” he reminisces, moving in on you again. “Liked watching me slobber and spit all over your body. Isn’t that right, baby?”

You blush, discreetly rub your thighs together. “I-I do,” you admit, willing the warmth of your face away because at this distance he must certainly feel it.

Jungkook nods, doesn’t say anything else as he captures your lips a second time. He doesn’t bother with the gentle prodding anymore, jumping straight into tongue right away. He’s messier, letting his saliva coat your lips and drip down your mouth, and as messy as it is, you love it. You whimper when he pulls away, but gasp when his hand tugs at the hair by the nape of your neck, pulling you back until you’re looking up at him.

“Open,” he murmurs, and you do, tongue pressing against your bottom lip.

It should be disgusting, the rev of his throat, the sound of his saliva collecting, and the way his jaw shifts when he’s got enough. It should be filthy, the way he shoots it down your open lips, the way it splatters against the back of your throat. It should be gross, but god do you love it. “Swallow,” Jungkook commands, and you do, feel his spit drip down your throat like it’s your own, whimpering at the feeling. A quirk of his lips. “Good girl.”

You have to bite down the pride that grows in your chest.

Jungkook’s hands continue their mapping out of your behind, eventually ending with a hard squeeze that has you squealing. Automatically, your back arches in surprise, breasts pressing against Jungkook’s chest. He smirks down at you.

“Bet you taste good,” he says, pressing a kiss against your cheek. “Let me taste?”

“Please,” you beg, nearly losing your shit when he lifts you up onto the car, the cool metal making you jump, heel on your foot nearly kicking the side view mirror clean off. “Wait, Jungkook,” you sputter, glancing down at the sleek metal. “This is someone’s car.”

Jungkook ignores you, pushes your legs apart to slot himself between them. His palms run up your legs, over your thighs, until they’re toying with the hem of your skirt. Mocha eyes glance up at you, as if daring you to question him again, so you promptly zip your lips shut. The skirt goes, ever so slowly, over your thighs, bunches up at your waist until he’s staring at your lace panties.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh, nose faintly brushing against your skin. The kisses trail over your skin, until he’s hovering over your panties, and he’s staring like a man starved. He gives no warning, suddenly leaning down to press his mouth over your party-clad folds, nose flush against your clit. “Kook!” You squeak, hands flying to clutch at his hair.

Jungkook mouths at you, drags his tongue against your panties until they’re soaked in both your essence and his saliva, just how you like. A hand slithers around your leg, wrapping around until he’s got a firm grip on it that he uses to hold it open.

“J-Just take them off,” you gasp, squirm when his mouth moves towards your clit, lapping against you. “Please,” you cry.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook tortures you with those kitten licks, muted through your panties, until you’re begging him to stop, to take them off and do it right. He loves it, you can tell, dazzling smile peeking up at you every time you tug against his hair, until finally, he’s had enough.

The underwear comes off, dangling uselessly by your ankle, and then the show really begins.

“Wait,” you choke, head falling back against the hood of the car when he finally gets his mouth on you, suctioning his lips around your swollen clit. The niggling reminder that this is some stranger’s car he’s eating you out on rings in your brain, and perhaps that’s what makes it more exciting.

His mouth is warm, tongue flicking over your sensitive bud like it’s candy and he needs the sugar. The sounds are so loud and wet, the squelching of your pussy every time he pulls off a pop that resounds throughout the garage. He pampers your clit for what seems like hours, switching the movements of his tongue every time he gets the chance until you’re quivering.

When you think he’s done, he’s not.

Fingers slide up your thigh, featherlight, as they reach your drenched cunt. They drag over your lips, and you mewl, feeling the muscles jump and tighten at his touches. “Jungkook, please,” you moan, rolling your hips against him, but it’s hard and everytime you move, you feel the sweat on your skin weigh you down, glued to the metal beneath you.

The first finger breaches you, just the tip of his index slowly wiggling inside. You muffle a moan in your palm, and Jungkook pulls away with a huff. “No hiding,” he warns, slowly lowering back to your cunt with a stern glare. You nod, but can’t help it when his second finger pushes its way in and you bite down on your knuckles.

“Oh,” You sob, body quivering as he begins scissoring his two fingers inside you. With your attention focused on the digits sheathed inside you, he pulls away from your clit, bestowing one final kiss against it that has your foot kicking out wildly. “Th-there.” His other hand catches your palm in his, presses it against the metal by your head.

Jungkook smiles, curls his fingers around until he finds the soft spot inside you that turns you to jelly. “There we go, beautiful,” he purrs, pushing himself to his full height, leaning over your trembling form. “So sweet for me,” he sighs, licks his lips like he’s remembering your taste.

“I'm gonna,” you choke, become hypnotized by the dark cloud in his gaze, the arrogant smirk on his lips. He curls his fingers, palm brushing against your abandoned clit. The touch makes you jump, nerves tingling.

“Cum for me,” he encourages, silky tone swarming your head as your pleasure slowly washes over you. It’s probably the most relaxed orgasm you’ve had in your entire life, his low voice and delighted eyes guiding you through it, until your entire body clenches, dissolving in a puddle of contentment. Your arousal surges around his fingers, trickling down onto the metal.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you pant, overwhelmed from the touches and the kisses. Jungkook’s smile gets swallowed by your greedy mouth, desperate for more kisses now that he’s made you feel like this.

The kisses only placate him for so long, and when he presses his body against yours, there’s an awfully hard cock that slides against your dripping cunt. “Think you can go again, gorgeous?” He murmurs against your jaw, nipping at the skin on the way down. You nod, eyes falling shut at the warmth you feel in your bones.

Jungkook kisses your neck one last time, before leaning back once more to line himself up.

This was a scene straight from your teenage fantasies, a dripping, shirtless Jungkook at full mast between your thighs, looking at you so lovingly. It makes your heart thunder, imagining how long you could have been doing this if you weren’t both so stupid. As if reading your thoughts, Jungkook rubs a palm over your thigh, eyebrow quirked. You nod his concern away, squirm closer until the tip of his cock nudges against your hole.

“Fuck,” Jungkook sighs, moving his hands to your hips as he slowly pushes in. His fingers, bless their intentions, could have never prepared you for the size of Jungkook’s cock, thick and veiny as it pushes inside. You whimper, clawing at the hands on your waist that stop you from impaling yourself on it fully. “Waited so long for this.”

“Then fucking do it,” you beg, nearly pass out when he shoves in harshly at your tone. “J-Jung—“

“I got you, baby,” he assures you, jostles you until you’re flush against his cock, clit brushing against his pelvis. Your back arches, and Jungkook slips his arm around you, the other lingering on your waist.

Every subtle shift has him brushing along your swollen clit, and you sob at the sensation, begging him to move. He complies, changes his stance to make it easier, and finally begins thrusting into your throbbing pussy.

“So good,” he huffs, eyes zeroed in on where the two of you meet. You would have looked too, if your body hadn’t felt so completely boneless beneath him, the grinding of his cock sending shocks of pleasure up your spine. “So pretty and mine.”

“Yours,” you choke, heart swelling in your chest at his words. It’s almost animalistic, the way he ducks down to bite at your neck, like some animal staking its claim, and you like it. You like it because it’s all you ever dreamed of for so long. “Faster, Kook,” you urge, wrapping your arms around him.

He does as you say, slow and careful thrusts transitioning into a fast piston that would have had you bouncing out of his reach if he wasn’t holding you so tightly. “Fuck,” he chokes, lost in the way you clench around him, lips dragging against his cock with each thrust. “Baby,” he grunts, sweat trailing down his temple, eyes furrowed shut. Eventually, his head falls into the crook of your neck, his weight pressing down on you uncomfortably, subtle ridges on the hood making you ache. At this point, you’re too far gone to care. “All I ever wanted,” he gasps.

You could cry, right now and he’d pull out right away, big heart fretting over your emotional well-being. Which is exactly why you hold your emotions in, let yourself get fully immersed in the feeling of Jungkook pounding you against some stranger’s car and not the inevitable emotional crash you’ll have later.

He fucks like he’s waited all his life for this, and you guess he sort of has if what he’s saying is true. You have no doubt it is, and when his lips suck a mark against your neck, you feel like you’re in heaven. “Almost,” you pant, legs wrapping around his waist tightly. Jungkook nods, his hair tickling your jaw and neck, as he picks up the pace. Your cunt swallows him up every single time, suctions him in until he’s shaking, and so are you.

It can only last for so long, your heart and body eventually reaching their peak, and you unravel. His arms are there to catch you, to pick up the pieces and hold you together. You want to cry, you really do, and when the coil in your stomach snaps, you finally do. “I love you,” you sob, and Jungkook shudders, glances at your tear-struck face to push himself off.

“Love you too,” he mumbles, grinds his cock against your spasming folds one last time, and comes mid-thrust, cum spurting inside you. He holds you, just like you knew he would, as you come down from your highs, hot breath fanning across your skin.

You feel warm, loved, and in love, body trembling in sensitivity afterwards. He’s pulled out since, soothingly rubbing a hand against your side. You’d like to say you wouldn’t be anywhere else, but one shift reminds you of where you are.

“Shit,” you groan, taking in your surroundings before letting your head fall back against the hood. Jungkook hums, round eyes looking your way. “We really just confessed and had sex on some stranger’s car.”

Jungkook snorts, leans away just the slightest to look you in the eye. He’s lost in thought, chocolate irises swirling as they drink you in. “Say thanks to Taehyung,” he finally says.

You roll your eyes, and when you shift beneath him, your sweaty skin sticks uncomfortably against the metal hood. “Yeah, let me thank Taehyung for dating me for three days and awakening your crush,” you huff sarcastically, resigning yourself to your new life stuck against the hood of some classic automobile from the 50s. Jungkook laughs, tucks himself back into his underwear. “Thanks Taehyung, for your noble sacrifice ten years ago that allowed me to fuck Jungkook on some stranger’s car—“

Jungkook hums, snuggles closer to you. “Tae’s car.”

“—after confessing our—Taehyung’s car?” You shriek, sitting up with the strength of three football players, Jungkook toppling off you. “Oh my god. No.” Jungkook rubs his elbow where he knocked it against the hood, looks at you with solemn eyes. Slowly, a smirk crawls over his features. “No,” you gasp, mortification crawling up your spine. “We didn’t.”

He tugs you off the car, tugs your skirt down when you wobble on unsteady heels. “Yup,” he says, pops the end of the word like a child. “Say hello to Taehyung’s new car!” He exclaims, patting the hood you just defiled. “Straight from the car auction he went to this morning,” he beams.

“Oh my god,” you groan, covering your face with your hands when you finally spot the puddles of... something on the black hood. “This is terrible.”

Jungkook ignores you, wipes up the mess with some napkins from his takeout bag, but there’s already some that's dried, only fueling your mortification. “Not like he’ll find out,” he shrugs, then narrows his eyes at you. “Or will he?”

“No!” You stutter, carefully rounding the car as if inspecting it for any more signs of the treacherous things you and Jungkook did on or around it. “I-I won’t tell him.”

“Uh huh,” Jungkook teases, settles on that rolling stool and pushes himself towards you. There’s a hand easing itself around your waist, tugging you between open legs. Still in shock, your hands flutter around his neck, muscle memory causing you to immediately begin massaging the skin there.

Jungkook sighs into the touch, eyes falling shut. “Too bad Jimin’s not here,” he sighs, and you visibly see his nose grow in arrogance. 

“What? Why should Jimin be here?” You ask, pushing your fingers against the knots in his neck. 

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed, one-eyed glare. He scoffs, “maybe you are as dumb ad Taehyung says.” And then, “hey!” when you tug his ear. He isn’t upset, just tugs you closer until his face is buried against your stomach. “You know country folk like him marry on the spot right?”

“What are you even saying,” you huff, burying your hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging his head back to properly look at him. “Why do you care who Jimin marries?” He doesn’t bother answering. 

Instead, Jungkook sighs into the touch, an easygoing smile thrown your way, and for a moment you forget about the trauma Taehyung will have when he inevitably learns about this. “This is the life.”

[squishneedsahero]

Jordskjelv

The Earth Shaker

Part 1 of ?

Word Count: 1885

Loki x Reader

Just a 2012 style avengers fanfic that is Loki x Reader. Sometime you just need cute fluff that is absolutely nothing more than self indulgence.

It had been a normal day, you going to work at the little cafe, serving people coffee and sandwiches, just living your normal life. Then things had shown up on the news, an attack in New York City. Aliens coming down from the sky and wreaking havoc on the city, and then you saw him and your heart stopped. The customers were all distracted so you called out on your break then and there, pulling out your phone and looking up the fight in NYC, you kept looking for any glimpse of the man with a red cape flying around with a hammer in hand.

"Thor," it comes out as a breathless whisper.

You don't care that you're in the middle of a shift, you shout to your coworkers that you have to leave and walk out the door. You needed to get to NYC, you needed to find Thor, you couldn't get there fast enough. Surely the fight would have ended by the time you even make it to the outside of the city, but hopefully you could make it on time to find Thor. Thor was the only chance you had for getting your old life back and you had missed him the last time he'd been anywhere close by.

As you get in your car and take off driving at a reckless pace you let your mind fill with memories. You'd grown up with Thor in Asgard, your name was actually Faylwyn even if here in Midgard you went by y/n. You'd run and played and trained alongside him and Sif and the Warriors Three. Then once you were a bit older you had gotten in trouble, gotten on Odin's bad side, and he had banished you to Midgard. Thor had to have not known that you were alive, else he would have come looking for you.

But it isn't Thor you care about here. You glance at the bracelet around your wrist, beads strung on a strand of black hair, intertwined with a strand of your own hair. It was all you had left of your life on Asgard, you'd been friends with Thor sure, but he was just Loki's dumb older brother. You and Loki had been inseparable, hell you'd even given each other love locks, thats what this bracelet was, you'd had to cut it out of your hair, but you couldn't just give it up. You'd put some beads on it to hide what it truly was but it was your most prized possession.

The lovelocks had been hidden, hidden under layers of your hair so that no one knew besides the two of you. You and Loki had had wonderful plans, plans to run away together, to explore the universe together, to get married once you were old enough and to spend the eons with one another. No one had known this, no one but the two of you, Odin was unlikely to allow it, Frigga had to listen to her husband, and Thor had a big mouth. No one had known the full extent of the love both of you shared for the other, but now you had a chance, a chance to find him again after 700 years of being in Midgard alone.

You had never stopped loving him in all that time, you had longed to be by his side once again, you could only imagine the pain he had felt with whatever story Odin had decided to tell of your disappearance. Now you had that chance to find him again and you weren't going to miss it for the second time. Your one and only fear was that, he might not love you anymore, after all this time that he had moved on while you hadn't.

You drive all day, the fight is long over when you reach the city, it's the middle of the night and the streets are packed with people and rubble along with alien bodies. There wasn't anyway you could continue to drive, so you got out of your car, leaving it running in your hurry, you don't care you don't need it. You look up on your phone directions to the Stark Tower, it was your best chance of finding Thor, and you begin running. You aren't fast like Captain America but you have stamina, able to run for hours and hours, going for miles and days on end.

No, you weren't Asgardian royalty, but here at least much like Thor was considered the god of thunder in ancient mythology, you were considered the goddess of earth. No, not like Earth the planet, but earth, the dirt, minerals, the ground beneath your very feet. Thor was able to fly, like the lightning and thunder, rushing through the air. You were able to run, moving with ease, being one with the ground beneath you, never faltering calm and steady.

You round a corner and the tower becomes visible, tall and graceful, pointing into the sky with lights illuminating its massive form. It's when you get close that you notice the many agents and people swarming the scene, there was no way you'd be able to get inside unnoticed. And none of these people knew who you were so they'd never let you in, you sigh, time to do something stupid, or at the very least a plan which Thor could have come up with. You slowed your pace, finding your way into an alley, then to a side door. "Here goes nothing," you say softly to yourself as you pry the locked door open and step inside.

Instantly alarms begin wailing and SHIELD agents begin to swarm towards your position. That was fine, you didn't want to hurt any of them but causing a scene would get the attention you needed. You needed to pose yourself as a big enough threat to need the attention of the heroes who had fought the aliens, any less and they'd ignore you, thinking you're some crazy from off the street. The agents surround you and you don't make a move, letting them go first. You don't want to hurt them, so you need to judge their skill first, you'd been fighting for nearly a thousand years, you'd easily be able to take them down.

The first to approach you with their gun, telling you to surrender since you weren't supposed to be here, you punch in the nose and knock them out. Seeing the ease with which you did that, leads to them calling for backup. Perfect. From there you focus, feeling a heavy sensation in your stomach as you do, slowly the ground opens up enough to sink their feet in and trap them, and one small, earthquake later their guns are on the floor.

You approach the one who had called for backup, and look them over briefly before speaking. "I need to talk to Thor, can you make that happen?"

They seem confused with your sudden loss of aggression, but nod, placing a finger to their ear as they reached out through their coms, "Director Fury, the infiltrator on the ground level wishes to speak with Thor. They have disarmed us and and have us all trapped my our feet in the floor but they do not seem to pose a threat as long as they see Thor."

You nod once and confirm, "I just wish to speak with him, I'm an old friend." With that you step back and place the door back in place, as you step outside once again, "I'll be in the park. Tell him I'm waiting."

With that you leave, and close the door behind you. Only releasing the agents from the ground once you've made it safely away. It was short and fortunately went better than planned. Now all you had to do was wait, and wait you did. It did not matter to you that it took hours for anything to happen. It didn't mater that you'd slept in the grass that night, and that the sun was rising when someone approached you. You had a chance to see your Loki again and that was all you needed to be happy.

You're awoken by someone speaking softly, "sir, I have eyes on the target." It's a woman's voice, you don't move, and continue to lay there, eyes closed.

It's when you hear the slightest sound of the grass moving that you finally do so as well, sitting up and moving to face her. It's the redheaded woman who was fighting alongside Thor the day previous. You offer a slight smile and a, "hello."

When you move Natasha removers her hand from the earpiece she was wearing, and asks, "you're the one that broke in last night asking for Thor?" It's posed as a question but you feel it's more of a statement.

"That is me, I'd just like to speak with him, I'm an old friend. My name is y/n l/n, at least that is the one you will find me under in all government records. Look me up, I don't care, just let me see Thor before he returns to Asgard," you come to a standing position and hold out your hand, "tell him Faylwyn wishes to see him, he'll know what you mean." With that you turn to walk away.

"Sorry, no can do, you're coming with me, you broke into a secure facility and took out multiple agents. You don't get to walk off right like that," she says and reaches for her hip.

You turn back to face her as she speaks, glancing at her hand before meeting her eyes again, "I'm willing to come peacefully. You don't have to tase me," you hold out your empty hands to her, "see, you can even handcuff me, just so I can speak with Thor."

Natasha looks at you, you're being genuine on this one thing, though she still doesn't trust you. She had seen the door you'd pried open, the imprints of your fingers in the metal around the latch, there was no way handcuffs would hold you if you wanted to leave. "No need, come on," she nods her head towards the tower and keeps her hand on the taser as she leads the way. You were a threat if you wanted to be, and obviously you were smart. You hadn't caused more damage that a broken door and a broken nose, and from what she had heard and seen on the cameras you could have done a lot more had you wished to do so.

You follow Natasha to the tower and in the doors, around some corners up an elevator and through the hallways to a more private and secure room.

"Wait here," she says as she opens the door for you, letting you in before closing it behind you. Once again, you wait. This is still your best chance, you had no other way to contact Thor, thanks to Odin's being pissed at you even after 700 years. The All-Father could All-ways hold a grudge.

Eventually the door handle jiggles before opening, and you look up, meeting the eyes of the tall blond, the Asgardian armor covering his body and the red cape over his shoulders. He looks at you in shock and says, "Faylwyn?"

[vangoghmusings]

a/n: hello! i’ve been wanting to do this for a while now since im a huge astrology nerd (so i know what im talking about teehee)  so this is male match-ups according to sign and compatibility. this isn’t my usual kind of writing so i hope you guys like it!! <3 if you don’t know your sign check here  

this took me so long oh my god i hope you guys like it 

taglist: @mixfi @lilacskyura @katsuhoee ​ @moonlightinsanity​ @anime-waifuuu @iiminibattlehero @leeeah-loooser​ @bby-chloe1999​ @verymuchbabey @h0wab0utw3d0ntd0that@unknownweeabo @cookednoodlez @helloshoutohere @star-mum​ @izuku-sakura​ @thegalxe

UA STUDENTS

Katsuki Bakugou- April 20; Taurus

the absolute SHOCK in my face to learn he wasn’t an aries

it would be expected that katsuki is a fire sign, like cmon look at his quirk

but taurus is actually an earth sign 

taurus are typically seen as quite calm, but,, 

katsuki does seem like a true taurus in many ways

they can be stubborn and unwilling to compromise 

they are very realistic 

HATE FEELING INSECURE

they are often great at cooking and love to shop 

i feel like katsuki isn’t a self indulgent shopper but would buy anything for his s/o 

taurus are really good at working with their hands ;) 

theyre soft romantic bbs and as much as katsuki hates being vulnerable he’d definetly be a softie with his s/o 

id match katsuki with a calm pisces

Izuku Midoria- July 15; Cancer

i am not shocked at ALL to see that the lil broccoli boy is a cancer

like cmon he’s so sensitive 

he is a cancer to the T

he’s loyal, emotional, imaginative 

he also carries the negative traits of many cancers

such as feeling insecure and having difficulty taking criticism 

i mean the kid breaks his bones to prove others wrong 

cancers love being with their friends and family 

and they love helping others

the career of a hero would be natural for cancers

cancers are such sweet babies and izuku fits right into that category 

i would match izuku with a chill taurus 

Tenya Iida- August 22; Leo 

i didn’t expect tenya to be a leo but im also not surprised 

leos are often seen as flashy and arrogant 

but they’re more than their stereotype

leos are passionate and natural born leaders

like cmon class rep! 

tenya being a leo makes a lot of sense 

he’s generous and kind and always strives for the best 

they tend to be a bit dramatic, and tenya can be too 

being that leos are a fire sign they gravitate to self growth

this can be seen in tenya wanting to improve and challenging himself 

leos struggle facing harsh realities, similarly to tenya when he learned about what happened to tensei 

leos are known for their bravery and tenya fits right in

i would match tenya with a kind aquarius 

Shoto Todoroki- January 11; Capricorn 

i practically screamed when i realized shoto was a capricorn 

it just makes way too much sense 

they’re responsible, well-mannered, respectful !!!!

HOW IS HE SO HOT AND RESPECTFUL

capricorns i just,, i love them, truly 

shoto is no exception 

they love family, things of quality, traditions 

and their dislikes vary from day to day

why?

cause they’re iconic thats why 

however, capricorns aren’t always the nicest 

they tend to be condescending and can often come off as rude 

they’re incredibly unforgiving *ahem endeavor ahem* 

but, its because they just have naturally high standards 

it makes sense that he is an earth sign because he’s super grounded 

because saturn rules capricorn, the tend to seem cold and distant at times

but they are incredibly loyal friends and always strive for the best 

i would match shoto with a down to earth cancer

Mashiro Ojiro- May 28; Gemini 

i must admit, i was surprised to learn ojiro is a gemini

but if you really look at his character it makes a lot of sense 

gemini’s have a bad rep of being too faced

they’re actually one of my favorite signs!!

gemini’s are are gentle and affectionate 

and sweet bb ojiro is exactly that 

however they also tend to be quite anxious, another thing ojiro happens to be at times as well 

they’re very adaptable people

this can be seen throughout ojiro’s training and how much he learns and is willing to continue striving for 

gemini’s are very sociable and will talk to almost anyone 

like, he doesn’t see hagakure but they’re still good friends 

this is why i think ojiro would do great with a fire sign 

i would match ojiro with a cheerful sagittarius 

Denki Kaminari- June 29; Cancer 

alright cancer number two!! 

to be honest, denki doesn’t really give cancer vibes 

but, his personality traits align to much of what a cancer is 

tenacious and loyal 

and denki is definitely that 

however, cancers can be suspicious of others and their actions

and denki feels like the kind of guy to snoop on somebody 

but we gotta give denki some credit 

cancers strive to be there for their friends no matter what

denki shows this in the usj attack when he protects momo and jiro 

cancers tend to avoid conflict but even so, they search for conflict in those who pose bigger threats to them

similarly to when denki makes fun of bakugou even though he could totally blow him up 

denki is a chatty and flirty baby 

and cancers tend to be most compatible with earth signs 

buuut i think denki would be better suited with a fire sign 

i’d match denki with an outgoing aries 

Hanta Sero- July 28; Leo 

at first i was like hmmm no 

but then i used my brain and i was like actually yes 

leos are prideful and while sero doesn’t seem like the boastful kind, he does have a lot of pride in himself 

leos are very committed to their goals and sero’s actions show his dedication to becoming a hero 

leos are also so funny?? and sero is literally one of the funniest guys of 1A 

sero is one of the most sociable in the class and a total class clown 

leos are almost always seen with their friends and sero is no different 

sero’s vibes are just immaculate in my opinions 

so his s/o needs to match the energy 

i would match sero with a funny gemini 

Eijiro Kirishima- October 16; Libra

GOD IT JUST MAKES SO MUCH SENSE 

I CANT EVEN EXPRESS

THE ACCURACY

ok ok but seriously, of course kiri is a libra 

libras are diplomatic, fair, and strive for justice 

aka being MANLY is in the stars for bb kiri 

however, libras aren’t the most confident people 

they’re quite insecure and pity themselves a’lot 

which makes sense that its canon that it took kiri so long to accept his quirk 

have you ever wondered why kiri is so hot and cute and perfect?

ITS BECAUSE HES A LIBRA

im not even kidding

libras are known for being physically attractive 

i mean libra is literally ruled by venus

who else is venus?

APHRODITE AKA THE GODDESS OF LOVE

long story short, kiri is the god of love 

libras hate being alone

why do you think he puts up with bakugou constantly calling him shitty hair and pushing him around? 

i considered putting kiri with a water sign but they’re kinda babies (no offense i love my water signs) 

but i don’t think he could handle a person who is constantly emotional like many water signs are 

i would match kiri with a kind-hearted sagittarius 

Hitoshi Shinso- July 1; Cancer 

jesus christ ANOTHER CANCER?? 

i cant even be upset cause it makes sense 

while i would’ve thought shinso was a calm scorpio or a relaxde picses 

he fits much better as a cancer 

as mentioned previously with deku and denki, cancers really do have a heart of gold and just want to help people 

cancers are also very manipulative people 

i mean, look at this mans quirk 

cancers are also moody and pessimistic 

characteristics that shinsou has but are seen more as stoic and quiet

but cancers are also sympathetic 

and bb shinsou is a softie i just know it 

cancers are guided by emotion

like deku, he is seen as passionate for his desire to be a hero, even though his quirk is seen to be one of evil 

shinsou needs to be with someone who’s willing to listen when he opens up (which cancers hate doing)

i would match shinsou with an understanding taurus

Tamaki Amajiki- March 1; Aries

HUH

HUUUUH???

youre telling me this man is an aries and bakugou isnt?? 

i need to collect my thoughts 

OK so tamaki is an aries 

and honestly its pretty accurate

most times aries are seen as passionate in a reckless and angry manner

but tamaki’s passion is displayed in his dedication to being a hero 

i mean he’s literally in the big 3 

aries tend to be moody, which is seen in tamaki’s shy actions 

but they’re also enthusiastic and courageous 

tamaki’s courage is shown in the mission to rescue eri 

aries are seen as intimidating and tamaki’s dark features are exactly that 

and while he is very shy, he needs someone to help bring him out of his shell delicately 

id match tamaki with a gentle libra 

Mirio Togata- July 15; Cancer 

whats up with mirio and deku sharing the same bday doe 

this is way too many cancers 

BUT mirio is such a cancer lets be real 

we’ve covered the basics of cancers

sensitive 

loyal 

will do anything for others 

and most importantly brave

the sign of a cancer is a crab 

the crab symbolizes someone who doesn’t realize their great strength  

mirio is the personification of the strength of the crab 

and poor baby has gone through so much and deserves the world 

he’s so cheerful but he needs someone to be there for him when he’s at his most emotional moments 

i would match mirio with a tender capricorn 

PRO-HEROES

Shota Aizawa- November 8; Scorpio 

i mean cmon 

ofc dadzawa is a scorpio 

he’s the image of a stereotypical scorpio 

dark features, dark clothing, serious and kinda rude 

but scorpios get a bad rep for being meanies (we should be watching out for virgos tho) (jk jk i love my virgos <3) 

but scorpios have some of the best characteristics 

their loyalty is beyond words 

they would literally lay down their life for a friend or the good of others 

scorpios are passionate and assertive, and this side of aizawa definitely comes out 

aizawa is so stoic he needs somebody to soften him up 

i would match aizawa with a cheery cancer 

Hizashi Yamada- July 7; Cancer

another f*cking cancer

AND IT MAKES SENSE 

not just because aizawa and him are married and he’s a cancer and it totally makes sense 

but hizashi is such a cancer oh my god 

he’s sensitive, and caring, and brave, and a literal pro hero 

which is a cancer living the dream 

cancers often have difficult childhoods and struggle immensely to find outlets 

this fits with the theory that as a child, hizashi was put up for adoption and/or muzzled as a child because of his powerful quirk 

cancers are ruled by the moon, which would make sense to why they are so emotional 

because the moon goes through phases, so do they

hizashi needs someone that would help him be strong outside of his hero work and for his own mentality 

i would match hizashi with (aizawa or) a charismatic virgo 

Toshinori Yagi- June 10; Gemini 

ofc all might is a gemini 

he literally has 2 forms

and geminis are literally two faced

it makes so much sense that the symbol of peace is a gemini 

he’s adaptable and a quick learner 

geminis are affectionate and you cant tell me toshi isn’t the biggest cuddler and softie in the world 

geminis are people pleasers and just want to make others happy 

and all might’s literal thing is smiling to comfort those in fear

toshi needs someone who is understanding of what he had gone through as a retired hero and the bearer of one for all 

i would match toshi with an inquisitive aquarius 

Keigo Takami- December 28; Capricorn 

DADDY

ok but he is such a capricorn its not even funny 

he’s a cocky know-it-all kind of capricorn 

but he’s also a responsible and well mannered capricorn

capricorns are people who are willing to take on immense responsibilities 

and hawks is literally the no. 2 hero so of course he’s got a lot of responsibilities 

because he’s an earth sign, we wants to get the most out of what the world has to offer him 

including fame and money 

but hawk’s head strong and professional attitude is what comforts people and makes him such a great hero 

he needs someone who would match his energy well 

i would match keigo with a level-headed scorpio

VILLAINS 

Dabi- January 18; Aquarius 

FINALLY AN AQUARIUS

i have a deep love for this sign 

dabi is an aquarius and it is so accurate 

aquarius love to fight for a cause

in dabi’s eyes, the league of villains is the best cause he can support

and he’s at the front lines

they’re considered humanitarians,,and dabi is in his own “special way” 

aquarius love a good conspiracy and mystery 

and dabi is a total mystery 

aquarius constantly have to be stimulated and doing something

otherwise their boredom can lead to reckless actions 

they are also anti all emotions 

this is why they seem so aloof, they don’t know how to confront their own feelings 

i’d pair dabi up with someone who is willing to listen to him and hopefully allow him to open up 

i would match dabi with a charming sagittarius 

Tomura Shigaraki- April 4; Aries

now this is a stereotypical aries 

aries is ruled by mars, which was named after aries 

AKA THE GOD OF WAR??

like his literal goal is to destroy society,, 

aries love to be in leadership roles

they’re also short-tempered 

impulsive

and aggressive 

how ever, his more “positive” traits such as determination and passion are also evident in his characteristics 

they’re competitive people and tomura definitely is one 

tomura would need to be with someone who is calm  

i would match tomura with a patient leo 

Kai Chisaki- Birthdate Unknown;NA 

so kai’s sign is unknown 

BUT

he still deserves a match up 

besides his stance in villainy

kai as actually very well mannered and polite 

but he doesn’t value human life and sees his as more important and pure than those who are “sick” 

a lot of his characteristics would lead me to believe he is an unevolved sociopathic capricorn 

outside of being a villain i would match kai with someone who was understanding and a good listener 

i would match kai with a sympathetic pisces 

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

[xoxoamf27]

White. I’ve always hated the color. You would never catch me in anything white unless it was absolutely necessary. Like a graduation, communion or wedding party. Black had always been my color of choice. It suited me, the way I felt, my outlook on everything, but now all my wardrobe consists of is white nightgowns. Who would have thought that a college educated girl who came from a seemingly normal and functional family would end up here in some facility in the middle of nowhere that is supposed to help me “get better” but in reality is only making me realize that this might have been the true destination I was headed toward for most of my life.

Looking back it all adds up. I had everything. Parents who loved me, a boyfriend who adored me much more than he should have and more than enough money than I knew what to do with. I was privileged, I was spoiled and I was unhappy even with the world practically at my feet. I rebelled every chance I got. I broke the hearts of my family over and over again. At first it was just your typical teenage disrespect but that wasn't enough for me. I had to go bigger, do worse, something inside my head was always nagging me to see how much farther I can push myself when it came to my limits and the limits of others.

I would purposely stay out late, not call or text for days just to have everyone worry about me. Of course I fell in with a bad crowd. Whether it was smoking, boozing, fucking, you name it, I indulged in it and had no care in the world about the consequences. I’ve had my stomach pumped more times than I can count on both my hands.

No one could ever figure out why I am the way I am. Mental illness didn't run in my family. My mother didn't control me, my father didn't assault me. Maybe they should have, then maybe I’d have a real, tangible reason as to why I act the way I do besides the ominous dark feelings that come over me and take me to the point where the new version of myself becomes so strong there is no sense in fighting back. So I don’t. I lay back, let it take over and let the feelings of adrenaline and danger consume me and take me to places I never dreamed.

There was something about feeling like you're a lost cause that gave me a sick feeling of satisfaction. I knew I was different, I knew I was sick but a part of me enjoyed it, so much so that it ultimately led to my extended stay here. Who knows if I’ll ever get out of here. In all honesty, if I were any of these doctors I wouldn't let me out. I am a danger, not just to others, mostly to myself. I’m self destructive and no matter how hard I try, the cycle can’t be stopped.

This isn't the first place I've been shipped off to in an attempt to get my life back on track but it will definitely be the last. I can’t go through sitting in another circle with a group of strangers listening to their truly painful and pitiful pasts as I simply sit there and imagine what I’d be doing if I wasn't forced to sit here and feign interest. Not to mention being forced to where one of those insufferable “Hi, my name is Holly” stickers.

What no one knows is the voices were my first friends. I heard them for the first time when I was ten, but they went away for awhile leaving me alone. They resurfaced when I was fifteen and thats when I started to change. I gave into what they wanted, what they suggested. At first, I was scared but as I got used to it, I thrived. I no longer felt scared or held back by anything but feeling like that comes with a price and I'm paying the price for it now.

I’m tired of the pills, I’m tired of the doctors, I’m tired of the blood that trickles down my wrists when I feel trapped. I have to make a decision, do I ultimately embrace my madness and live out my days continuing this vicious cycle or do I end my pain?

I’m not sure what to do, I never have been. I mainly fly by the seat of my pants but I think I’m over all of it. I have no possible career in sight, I’ve never stayed in a job long enough to see if it was really for me. No real friendships or relationships to look forward to getting back to. I never had many girlfriends and the ones I had were never able to keep up with me and as for my boyfriend I mentioned earlier, he was too good for me. I didn't like seeing him hurt and disappointed in me every time he laid his gorgeous blue eyes on me. He only wanted what was best for me and I promised that I would try to make it work but him and I both knew that it wouldn't stick so we ended it. He was more heartbroken than I was, not that I didn't love him, actually maybe I didn’t. Maybe I was using him so I wouldn't be alone.

Something about being alone frightens me thats why a part of me doesn’t want the voices to go away. I know how it sounds, trust me. Who wants to live life being controlled by destructive voices that run through their head? I mainly want them because their comforting to me, in a way they understand me better than anyone else, which is sad considering their voices and not actual people. I’ve tried to make genuine and lasting connections with others but it never felt natural.

I’m twenty five now and frankly I’m exhausted. The once wild and reckless life I lived for nearly a decade, drained the drive out of me. I’ve come to realize it more now over my weeks here, I’m tired, more than I should be for my age. I just want to sleep, to relax, not to worry. To just close my eyes and float away.

I walked around barefoot as I thought to myself. No one is awake, it is a little after midnight. The orderlies were taking their usual late night coffee break at this hour. I’ve learned the rotation and how to get around unnoticed. Its relatively quiet tonight, I haven’t heard any screams, maybe tonight is a good night after all. As I make my way to the roof, I lingered as I felt the warm summer breeze against my skin. Summer used to be my favorite time of year, but I cant remember the last time I enjoyed a trip to the beach or the feel of the sun on my skin.

The moon was also beautiful, it was full and shined so brightly, it was almost blinding. I ran my fingertips over my scarred arms and remembered each time I dragged that cold, sharp blade against my skin. My arms are like a tragic work of art.

As I stood at the ledge I knew it would hurt but maybe only for an instant, I was no stranger to pain after all, what was wrong with one last bout of it? I knew it would be a mess to clean up for whoever would be tasked with removing me from the pavement but I didn't really care how it would be done.

I was waiting for the voices to start screaming at me for what I was about to do but shockingly I heard nothing. Maybe they knew I had given up and accepted the fact that our time together was over. Its bittersweet in a way, to not hear them at this moment. My heart was pounding so loudly you would think it would be audible to someone else. I forced my eyes shut as it felt as if everything was standing still. I took a deep breath and realized there was no going back, I waited for a split second to see if any of the familiar voices that I had come to know over all these years would call out to me, begging me to stop, to turn around, to go back to bed but there was nothing. I felt myself mouth the words “I’m sorry” as I quickly thought of my parents and all the tears I caused them.

I stepped forward and there was no longer anything beneath me, I was falling and I knew in that instant, I was finally free.

[teddy-feathers]

look my problem with the au megamind where Roxanne is the alien and megamind is the reporter is i cant stop thinking about what i want out of that and how its probably not what other people want out of that which should mean 'oh shit i gotta write it' but really means 'in the next couple of months im going to rewatch megamind and be extremely frustrated because idk how to write these people as is let alone in an au'

but here are some thoughts

Itd have to take place on megaminds home world so like. have to develop that culture and frame it as the usual and other things as oddities

metroman still shows up at the same time the baby human does

roxan richie and metromans rivalry is less of a game and more of a metroman one up'd her ome to many times so now shes gotta take him out

its fine not because shes incompetent- in fact her death rays and pointy sticks are ingenious and have 0% public property or civilian causalities - but because metroman is not only impossible to kill, he adapts to anything that gets close (anything that doesnt kill him makes him stronger literally)

i guess this means theres a good chunk of the story that is centered around human adaptability vs perfect hero dudes adaptability

Roxanne Ritchie is actually a noted scientist or something at the local research facility - i figure blue people planet is really advanced and everyones at least a little technosmart but while it doesnt come as easily or naturally to Roxanne her way of thinking is really unique n shiz and shes an asset to every team....

but if you see her in a mask with some project from the lab macguivered into a gun trying to kill metroman well, no ones getting hurt and humans need hobbies and everyone respects the mask desptie the fact shes the ONLY human on the planet so its not like its hard to figure out who she is

she does spend a lot of nights having to rebuild projects and apologizing and such but basically everyone plays the plausible deniability card and asks her questions abiut what went wrong and okay so the masked menace failed after you let them steal our project but lets pretend for a moment the goal was to fix crops how would you say this did? and grumply shed revamp the guns weird side effect into an alien pollinating crop duster or whatever

got carried away when REALLY all I WANTED to say was

Whille Roxanne Ritchie is adaptable ingenuity and gets away at the last minute NOT because no ones trying to catch her but shes just that CLEVER and thinks ahead and shiz....

Megamind is the guy trying to interview her in the middle of a fight like he thinks he's cute - i mean he is but shes chasing after metroman and skids to a stop because this jerk stepped in for a comment. or shes lining up the perfect shot but theres a close up of megaminds reporter bag in the way

the thing is that maybe... blue people arent violent. a natural disaster hit recently and theyre coming back from it and if the two adopted alien kids want to play extreme tag well no ones getting hurt and Roxanne Ritchie will grow out of her competitiveness no doubt caused by just how superior EVERYONE on the planet is by finding her own niche and metroman will grow up and stop bating her because maybe he IS still better than everyone else and thats met with "oh very nice we're proud" but it doesnt really validate him or make him feel special because its just treated as a special thing he can do by everyong but Roxanne Ritchie and once he's found something that makes him feel good regardless of the attention or lack of it he'll stop playing too

but megamind? megamind has an imagination that loves drama and blowing things out of proportion and thats part of why his reports are so popular? like yeah everyones treating this super hero showdown with indulgence but megamind is good at framing theatrics so that this news story is actually a compelling narrative? and also everyone can see the tension is going to have one of these three "kids" confessing live someday

and maybe he gets carried away. one of those 'aw well next time you could do x or y' or has some technological creation that accidentally actually makes Metroman flinch during an interview

and Roxanne Ritchie starts paying attentionto him for the first time.

and minion warns him but he doesnt listen. minion is lower class and is afraid of being replaced like a pet like some people do but Roxanne Ritchie Ritchie doesnt have a minion and even if she did theyre Best Friends not like those other blue people minion uperclass people.

and he carelessly says something unforgivable and Roxanne Richie uses his ideas and actually succeeds in killing metroman

so she goes to prison - a place they had to build just for her because this hasnt happened since stars knows when

and somebody else is doing the camera because minion left just is gone and megamind looks defeated but testifies against her and is quiet and subdued and stpps being a reporter for a bit

and.... idk. i feel like we'll have to resolve the whole class system so minon goes underground and finds other minons who are unhappy with the way of things and if theyre ALREADY rebuilding society after that huge natural disaster that DIDNT blow up their planet thanks TO a minion well ehy cant they fix this too?

so theres a rebellion going on and theyve got a secret weapon to make blue people listen and idk but i feel like it's Metroman

and... how do stories like this go ive forgotten

minion wouldnt tell megamind or he would

metroman would break Roxanne Ritchie out of prison during the first riot of the minion revolt?

they talk and compare why they hated eachother and slowly work together and are actually a great team?

and then they need a reporter to make themselves heard as something other than minions going crazy

and so of course they go to megamind for help getting the story out

something something megamind is minions sidekick for this adventure

"Roxanne Ritchie was raised by the planet and turned against it and instigated civil unrest and killed a person who was also the good child etc etc instead of just growing up to face your problems"

"actually im alive and i finally found my place? helping out the real heros?"

"i mean i did try to kill him, but he forgave me and we're kinda working together because planet of moms and dads that raised us? yall actually are the ones who need to grow up and let go of the traditions that dont serve etc etc"

and megamind does a huge public apology to minion

and... uhhhhhhhhh fuck i really dont know how these storyies go

the blue people start making amends

metroman basically becomes a social worker for minion childern because finding their original families is a bit hard and most of these kids are just going to end up being raised by super dad but at least the rebellion minion families are actually geting to be their own family units and in a couple gens thatll be normal

Roxanne Ritchie goes back to being the token human in the lab and hangs up her super suit and is generally dissatisfied with this

until one night a hero breaks into her apartment to make her answer for her crimes and so for a legit hot second theyre fighting and megamind says something and Roxanne apologizes and then fighting stops being an argument and goes into banter flirting

the worss "where theres evil good will rise up to fight it" peob comes up a lot in this fic in different iterations

anyways megamind isnjust basically like hey wanna do this like. for the rest of our lives dramatic battle showdowns like its entertainment but like no theyre doing this for real?

the answer is hell yeah

and its a polyship and sometimes Roxanne is helping with the kids and then Megamind bursts in to "save" the family from her evil clutches and 90% of the time everything is improve

megamind kidnaps Roxanne to make metromind save her and a good half of the conversation is that hes an idiot for coming shes tried to kill him three times this week and hes bitching because do you know how hard it is to find a sitter for 30 odd minion kids this short notice and they better make it up to him

Roxanne is not superdad but the 30 odd minion kids adore when she comes over because they mob the villain so hard until finally mega comes to save her because hes actually very good with the kids

of course this poly ship isnt complete without minion and at some point minion and mega realize theyve actually been married for years and Roxanne and metro tease them shamelessly for it

minion and his race need a real name obviously

when Roxanne was a... graduate her senior project theses thingy was essentially "im going to go back to planet earth itll be great ive figured out were im from and how to go there in a reasonable amout of time" and everyone had to sit her down and explain that unlike metroman they knew where she was from the planet was just destroyed.

they never figured out where metroman was from because his direction sharply changed to follow baby Roxannes course and mirrored her coding despite very obviously how he had originated from elsewhere

this is important because his race is basically coming to conquer the blue people planet soon - the group finds out - and will download all the survival upgrades metroman has gotten to become unkillable and then just come down to the surface and be unstoppable taking the place over and whiping out the planet like theyve done many many times

a good chunk of the time trying to figure out how to stop them when this planet is REALLY against murder war and violence for good reason and even if they WOULD do that its impossible over looks some alone time that leads to megamind and metroman figuring out how to like kill him so when the bad guys show up theyll go "whelp better not fuck with them" and leave but between roxanne and minion they manage to not only stabilize metroman (Roxanne blood transfusions maybe???) but they manage to scare the aliens so bad they tuck tail and leave speading rumors that these are the scariest mfs in space (go minion)

metroman never lets Roxanne live down saving his life

eventually space humans show up to check the place out

megamind loves everything human despite most of the planet thinking theyre primitive and showing it

roxanne is reluctant to meet them at first but then really relates to them?

for a good long while it REALLY seems like megamind and Roxanne are just going to go on space adventures with the humans leaving metroman and minion - who really doesnt like them and also they kinda rub him the wrong way because he's non bipedal and they kinda make fun of him in a 'we totally dont mean anything by it lighten up' sort of way.

they don't go of course but they may have stolen a lot of atar charts n shit and who hasnt wanted to take a road trip through space with 30 odd childern who will need names and personalities and may be chopped down to a slightly more reasonable number by this point?

metroman loves space karaoke and his natural abilites mean he learns languages fast but no he still cant carry a tune

megamind and Roxanne still duke it out on various alien cityscapes

minion usually breaks them out of jail if theyre not to be let out the next day because nothing was actually damaged that didnt belong to them.

one memorable occasion it was metoman in a fight with megamind and they wont say what its about but both look very put out and minion looks smug

it doesn't matter in the end because Roxanne teams up with the childern to propose to them first

apparantly i had a lot more ideas about this then i meant to? i mean its not well thoughout out and despite the drama a good half the fic is just going to be cute relationship building stuff between the four of them

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p21 reaction

So, Dave, huh?

Doesn't seem as if Dirk is expecting him to fall unconscious too from the looks of it.

But that doesn't mean that he might not. It depends on who's really behind the condition, Dirk or Alternate Calliope.

You'd think Dave might get called by Roxy when they can't wake Jade up, but that might happen in the latter half of the page.

It's notable that Dirk even as almost omniscient narrator seems harried to continue acknowledging certain scenes. As if he fears he might be influenced.

"DAVE: holy shit thats disgusting KARKAT: DON’T BE A FUCKING XENOPHOBE DAVE: im not being a xenophobe" Yeah Dave, be more sensitive towards the people whose body image is celestial. :P

"Karkat doesn’t respond immediately. He shuffles his feet to the edge of the outcropping they’re standing on and stares down at the brood pit, where the Mother Grub of Earth C is squelching out unfertilized jelly." :O They actually left their hive! And they're meeting up with Kanaya! So... yeah, didn't think we'd require further indulging into the reproductive cycle of trolls, we had TMI already, but here we are. :P Jelly to go into the slurry, unfertilized like fish eggs. Joy.

"No answer. This silence makes Dave actually back up for three seconds and think about what the hell just came out of his mouth." Karkat's just distracted, thinking of something else or looking for Kanaya, I suspect, but Dave goes reading too much into it.

"Dave could definitely be handling this situation with a certain measure of restraint or grace. But he’s got my genes, so he decides to handle it a different way than that." Well, Dirk did say he owned his own faults. He wasn't lying.

"DAVE: but im almost as passionate about this troll speciesism thing as i am about the economy which you may not have known is my number one" Heh, Dave's really getting worked up about this, assuming he came over poorly.

"Karkat still doesn’t answer. He’s staring real intently at the jelly." He doesn't spot any mutations, by chance?

"KARKAT: HEY DIPSHIT, SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE. KARKAT: I’M NOT IGNORING YOU BECAUSE I’M MAD. DAVE: what DAVE: that wasnt what i KARKAT: I KNOW THAT YOU PERISH LIKE A DELICATE LILAC BLOOM IN THE FUCKING DESERT IF NOT SHOWERED WITH MY VERBAL ATTENTION AT ALL TIMES. KARKAT: BUT I’M KIND OF WITNESSING THE REBIRTH OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES RIGHT HERE. KARKAT: YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS MIGHT BE A MONUMENTAL MOMENT FOR ME?" Wow, this is actually really much more like the Karkat we're used to hearing rants from.

I can definitely understand he feels some very heavy feelings right now, since everything that happened in the A2 session and after has lead to this moment. So I'm definitely allowing Karkat a measure of solemnness, and perhaps even feeling proud and aloof at the achievement.

"Dave comes to the edge of the outcropping, standing shoulder to shoulder with Karkat as he too observes the majesty of translucent goo getting birthed out of an alien asshole." So majestic. I'm definitely getting "Mufasa showing Simba the Pride Lands" vibes from this scene. :P

"KARKAT: WHAT PART OF THIS IS DISGUSTING? KARKAT: IS IT THE SLOW DEFLATING OF ITS DISTENDED ABDOMEN? KARKAT: THE SOUND OF DOZENS OF SEGMENTED LEGS CLACKING AGAINST ITS EXOSKELETON? KARKAT: THE UNFERTILIZED SLURRY BEING SLOWLY SQUEEZED FROM ITS OVIPOSITIONAL SPHINCTER? KARKAT: IS THAT IT? IS THAT DISGUSTING TO YOU DAVE? DAVE: kind of KARKAT: ... KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT KARKAT: IT’S HORRIBLE" You know when people sum up three items, the third one is often the most important one. :P And yeah, I figure Karkat can still see how horrific this is even as a troll himself. We know how much he could get grossed out by Equius' sweat and strongly voiced his dissent, and this is a whole new level of excrements.

"KANAYA: Im Sorry But I Can Hear You From Down Here" Kanaya has excellent hearing, being able to discern their blabbering from all the squelching and clacking. It might the rainbow drinker abilities.

"She’s glowing. Her skin, I mean." Yes, we already established she and Rose would adopt, if they'd ever go for progeny, if Rose can be convinced. :P

"Kanaya steps out from beneath the canopy where she was doing grub science, wiping her hands on a silk cloth." It's cool to see Kanaya do such a Jade-like activity! It's actually quite logical that her kind would be well versed in biology, given their strong dependence on the grub for (biological) reproduction.

"Her mood can be politely described as pensive." ... Something might be bothering her. A lack of donations, so far? It's not as if the imperial drone system will be set again, right? Depends on how they did things on Beforus, which she might shed light on. ... Figuratively.

"DAVE: whats shaking sis KANAYA: Must You Always Call Me That DAVE: nah but it does feel pretty rad to say DAVE: like wow my sister in law is an alien how" Pffff, yeah, that's right! Well, that's the first time someone besides Calliope (and Joey) is called sis! What'd that make Karkat to Rose? :P Since he has ties to both Kanaya and Dave.

"DAVE: i love our awesome planet where everyone is free to form xenophilic family units without fear of government interference or reprisal" That's an odd thing to say, but okay.

"Karkat pauses to imitate a very common Davism that involves two hands and a double-wrist swivel. It’s an incredibly good imitation, because he sees this particular bit of body language like ten times a day." ... Does Dave make a jazz hands signal when he's trying to change the subject? :D

"KARKAT: IT’S THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN AND YOU DO IT LIKE TEN TIMES A DAY." ... Is Karkat picking that up from the narration, unconsciously?

"DAVE: im dropping a beat DAVE: like im using a turntable and scratching one song into another" ... Well then, less dorky and more related to his interests than I thought.

"KARKAT: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO FOLD LAUNDRY YOU FORGOT TO IRON." At this point both he and Dave have forgotten Kanaya's presence. :P

"KANAYA: So This Is About The Election KARKAT: AH." She was expecting them. I wonder if they'll get as much an evasive answer as Roxy and Calliope gave Jade.

"KANAYA: I Do Get The Internet Down Here" Pretty good reception though! 'The Internet', such a Kanaya-ism.

"KANAYA: I Am Impressed That You Managed To Be Seen In Front Of That Many People Without Spontaneously Bursting Into Flames" So he gave a public statement! Nice.

"KARKAT: WOW THANKS, ANOTHER VOTE OF CONFIDENCE FROM ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS." Yeah, well, your speeching days are kind of behind you, and even then it was only in front of 12 people, she may or may not have a point.

"KARKAT: THIS CONDESCENSION IS REALLY RICH COMING FROM THE PERSON WHO DECIDED HER NARCISSISTIC OBSESSION WITH BEING THE ONE TO HATCH THE MOTHER GRUB WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN NOT SEEDING OUR PLANET WITH A STOPGAP SYSTEM OF REPRODUCTION THAT WOULD CAUSE SYSTEMIC SPECIESISM TO OSSIFY INTO SOCIETY FOR 5000 YEARS." Pfff, Karkat already mentioned he discussed these topics so often with Kanaya over the phone. It'll be interesting to hear her retort.

"KANAYA: But I Do Not Think It Is Productive To Attribute These Resultant Troubles To A Single Decision Or Individual KANAYA: It Stands In The Way Of Our Efforts To Address Them KARKAT: MMNNNRRRGHHH......... DAVE: (shhhhhh)" I like this, Kanaya's right in absolving herself at least in part of the blame for the end result. Karkat is doing wonders in restraining himself from shouting. Dave is shooshing Karkat.

"KAYANA: You Know As Well As I Do That We Must Present A United Front" Yeah, that'd be best to not cause societal upheaval. But they're not doing a good job already of course, running two different campaigns.

"KANAYA: I Have Nothing But The Utmost Faith In You" ... is the new "I believe in you".

"Kanaya reaches out to put a hand on Karkat’s head. He doesn’t duck away in time, and she gives him an affectionate, matronly hair-ruffle between his horns." I love how Kanaya's motherly/sisterly feelings towards Karkat manifest sometimes. :D *pap pap good crab*

"KANAYA: While I Know That It Is Difficult For You To Take A Direct Compliment KANAYA: I Have In The Past Put My Faith In You When The Threat To Our Survival Has Been Immediate And Literal KANAYA: Its Basically Nothing To Ask Me To Do It Again Now That The Threat Is Far More ... KANAYA: *Existential*" Awww. Yeah, she always was one of his closest confidantes. Even going through with the trolling of the kids when she didn't feel like it would be that effective. And she's right, the dangers now are far more vague.

"KANAYA: Is How I Think I Shall Put It KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Polite" ... And personal, I guess, since they come from within their own group. (Let's be honest, the trolls were a team but not a cohesive one. In that regard, the players on Earth C are far more kin.

"Dave is watching her, but Karkat’s looking contemplatively at his entwined hands. Kanaya’s right: it’s almost excruciating for him to take a completely unironic compliment, especially face-to-face, like what she just said to him. I understand this about Karkat. It’s one of the precious few things he and I have in common." Well, it stands to reason that if Karkat has a lot in common with Dave, he'd have a lot in common with Dirk too! But maybe some of those things are not part of the same set.

"We internalize and project the quality in very different ways, however, which is why I’m going to win." Here goes Dirk again, assuming he's the real leader on his side. He assumes his way of dealing with compliments will make him come off better, but he might just seem arrogant.

"KANAYA: Jane Has Been Here To Speak With Me Recently In Fact" Oh! I actually figured the issue was being discussed over the heads of the actual people impacted by a decision. ... Like is so often the case on our own Earth.

"KANAYA: You Know I Do Like Jane KANAYA: In Some Regards She Reminds Me Of A Friend We Had Who Sadly Did Not Survive Our Time On The Meteor" Feferi?

"KANAYA: She Was Unfailingly Kind To Everyone She Met But She Also Happened To Be The Heiress To The Throne Of A Vast And Bloody Empire" Aww. We didn't have much interaction between them, but it seems she held Feferi in high regard. It would have been a different empire under her. Different from Beforus as well, since the troll race had been influenced so severely by Doc Scratch and )(IC by then already.

"KANAYA: And While She Had A Lot Of Opinions On Reform She Had Already Wrenched Some Of Her Power From Our Last Empress In The Traditional Manner" Via the lusus. That might be her reasoning behind waiting until after the time skip to hatch the Grub. For the bond that would form between troll and grub. Maybe she felt she alone could handle the responsibility, or she craved a little sliver of that contact she lossed with her own custodian.

"Karkat finally looks up at the description of one of their many dead friends." Yeah, this would surely stir something with him as well.

"She rests an ear against the rise of its massive stomach, then taps the shell with two perfectly manicured fingernails." That calls back to when she got the matriorb out from her dead lusus' body.

"KANAYA: By Which I Mean That Jane Is Perfectly Pleasant And I Believe That She Has Only The Best Of Intentions KANAYA: But I Cant Shake The Feeling That Deep Inside Her Lurks The Potential For Despotism" Yeah, we know how it could have manifested in Feferi from Beforus.

"KARKAT: OKAY I GET WHY YOU GUYS KEEP CALLING JANE A CRYPTO-FASCIST KARKAT: BUT FUCKING FEFERI? SHE WAS HARMLESS. KANAYA: These Things Take Time To Gestate Karkat DAVE: damn" Dave is impressed by Kanaya's political analysis.

"KANAYA: Power Corrupts In Small Steps KANAYA: Compromises KANAYA: Concessions KANAYA: Appeasements KANAYA: And Leaders Follow The Example Set For Them KANAYA: Look At What Jane Has Modeled Herself After Already" So maybe the situation on Beforus wasn't Feferi's doing single-handedly, just a situation that grew and grew over millennia. A goal reached by means bartered over, the result corrupted in the process of achieving it.

I don't think Jane really modelled herself after the Condesce consciously, but if it's the only example of a powerful business woman she had, then of course she'd unknowingly copy some bad habits she doesn't think are bad.

"KANAYA: This Is Why I Trust You Karkat KANAYA: Because You Listen To Advice From Below And Beside You Not From Above" Plus, the Sufferer is his precedent, whether he believes in him or not. And yes, Karkat might admire achievements made by what he believes to be his betters (Vriska, Meenah, the Condesce), but he's learned not to copy their behaviour.

"DAVE: so weve got your endorsement then

She laughs, not kindly. KANAYA: Jane Offered Me “A Seat” On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction” KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DARE SHE! KANAYA: That Is Exactly What I Said" Wow, yeah, that was definitely inconsiderate of Jane. Trolls should be the end responsible of their own reproduction, and if there's a board, there's a chairman, but as long as there's a president above either and she's human, the inequality persists.

"RECREATION SPRAWL" Troll term for park.

"KANAYA: In Case You Cant Tell I Am Actually Fucking Furious About This" Well, thanks Kanaya, I really couldn't!

"KANAYA: Our Reproduction Method Is Alien And Unfamiliar KANAYA: To A Human It Must Sound Monstrous KANAYA: Uncontrolled Even" While it wasn't, of course, there's a rhyme and reason to it. Especially considering the dangers on Alternia, a big pool of spawn to go through the trials is necessary. ... I wonder if they're going to set up new trials on Earth C, in the brooding caverns?

Come to think of it... What the grubs go through... It's kind of similar in a way to how in humans, the male sperm has to survive the trip to the egg cell.

"KARKAT: WHEN I HEAR ABOUT HOW HUMAN GRUBS CHEW THEIR WAY OUT OF THE FEMALE MATESPRIT’S ABDOMINAL HOLE BEFORE CONSUMING THE WOMB MEMBRANE IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT." That's... well, a different phrasing but still close to the truth. Makes us sound like birds hatching from an egg, though.

"KANAYA: I Hope That There Is At Least One Principle We Share As A Planet KANAYA: Which Is That We Must All Work To Ensure Equal Dignity And Respect For Every Species" It's sad that in real life, so many people disagree.

"KANAYA: Otherwise KANAYA: What Was This All For

The three of them stare at the floor in adorably cartoonish synchronicity. What was this all for, indeed?" It's almost as if they're looking down to the narration, acknowledging Dirk's presence. :P

"Morality is a cultural construct. It’s pure ego for any of them to believe that their personal interpretation of it will result in the most effective laws." As for your personal interpretation, Dirk? :P

"DAVE: would you be willing to say that exactly but DAVE: like in front of a huge crowd DAVE: and also a television crew or six" She'd actually pull it off better than Karkat. Maybe she could be his press speechperson on troll subjects? :P

"KARKAT: OR MAYBE JUST IN FRONT OF JAKE ENGLISH? KANAYA: Oh Dear Has Jane Recruited Jake" The Jakestakes return. Kanaya also believes in that Jake will sway the vote.

"KANAYA: That Would Be Disastrous KANAYA: He Is Beloved In The Troll Kingdom For His Perky Ass" Why. Of all the universal constants.

"DAVE: seriously? KARKAT: I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT JUST ME! KANAYA: It Has Some Terrible Arcane Power KANAYA: I Have Never Seen Anything Like It" It's like his <3 quadrant, a black hole everything is attracted to.

"DAVE: but jane is one of his best friends so we gotta approach this with a scorched earth policy DAVE: give him a whole cadre of sob stories thatll make him feel all manly and heroic for lending his support DAVE: just gift wrapping babies for him to kiss KARKAT: TROLL BABIES EVEN? DAVE: sure that can be part of the deal he can kiss the first natural born grub right on its gooey lil head" He'd don a mayoral sash, top hat, fake moustache and monocle for the occasion, I can just picture it.

"KANAYA: Have You Spoken To Rose Yet DAVE: uh no DAVE: i mean DAVE: shes

Dave mimes laying down and taking pills. The look Kanaya gives him is neither fond nor patronizing." Very tactful, Dave, real smooth. At least Dave didn't bother Rose while she's otherwise occupied, like during the start of their session. Progress, right?

"DAVE: whats up with that anyway DAVE: are you guys uh DAVE: grub pregnant" Oh, yeah I should have figured Dave would start wildly guessing when not knowing the specifics behind the migraine.

"DAVE: cmon karkat dont you wanna be an uncle to a lil bundle of love and unnatural genetic tampering" Oh, now the baby became a genetically manipulated crossbreed. Jegus, Dave.

"DAVE: ok stop freaking out im just saying from what i understand of troll reproduction it would be technically possible for a troll and human to KANAYA: No DAVE: and with ectobiology anythings possible" Well, it's true the fandom speculated about crossbreeds, but uh, Dave is just approaching the subject from the worst angle.

"DAVE: i dunno its just unusual for rose to brush me off for our annual ecto sibling oversharing session" I would have thought they'd AT LEAST schedule it monthly, not annually. :P

"DAVE: shes been sick for a while DAVE: either shes pregnant or i got reasons to be worried" And NOW we get to the REAL reason Dave's breached the subject.

"DAVE: id be cool with it yknow DAVE: bring on the rosemary combo grubs KANAYA: Rosemary" Hah, nice! Shipping name dropped! Maybe that's what Dave thinks of them in his mind sometimes, like how "Dave and Karkat" became a concept to their friends.

"DAVE: like rose plus your last name which is maryan or something right KANAYA: Maryam" Oh Dave, inconsiderate much? :P

"DAVE: the rosemary babies would have her hair and your horns or whatever DAVE: like when two cartoon animals of different species give in to their lust and have preposterous children" Like what Dirk drew for Jake and Roxy.

"KANAYA: Im Going To Call My Wife And You Are Going To Stop Talking" Oh boy, here we go. Is Dirk going to answer? Making him both narrator and character at the same time? Is he going to impersonate Rose? Or will Rose unexpectedly wake up?

"Dave and Karkat bicker about what their combo kids would look like, in the event that they decided to stop being such laughable wusses" Even Dirk is rooting for them, kind of. And why would they even discuss this subject if the subject of becoming more than friends even scares them so much they don't acknowle- wait I answered my own question.

"Rose’s line rings for a long time. It’s unusual, she thinks. Rose rarely leaves her phone unattended." She rarely leaves an occasion hanging to be able to speak long sentences.

"Rose is in absolutely no condition to be having a conversation with anyone. Not even her cherished bride. DIRK: Hey," Is Dirk going to lie, I wonder. It would just be another mark against him, but a big one, as it'd be a confirmed action of malicious intent.

"Kanaya’s voice turns sharp right away. KANAYA: Excuse Me

She can sense that something’s wrong." Alright! He won't be able to spin the wheel on her, if he'd wish to do so.

"She’s also smart enough, and facile enough in handling questionable men" - right, Doc Scratch.

"to understand that she quickly needs to regulate the tone of her voice for diplomatic purposes. KANAYA: Dirk KANAYA: Is That You" Not fooling him at all, Kanaya, he knows you know it's him. This turned almost into a call with a hostage-holder.

"I don’t answer immediately. I’m distracted by something." His own narration, or something happening to Rose? ... Or perhaps... Perhaps Dirk is making contact with Reload Dirk, if he still exists. It would be something if he lost touch with Earth C for a while.

Perhaps it's more like what Blaperile thinks, Dirk is being distracted by events in the Furthest Ring, leading up to the upcoming perspective switch.

"She really should chill out, anyway. I’ve got everything under control. Not that she’ll ever be able to fully appreciate this." Well that's the understatement of the year. Kanaya would never forgive him, and it's only questionable if a lot of his other friends will. It'll dependent on further developments.

"I don’t have time to explain right now. John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." You'd think that what we last saw, John and the wallet, is where we'd continue his scene. But maybe Dirk fastforwarded his narration of John (he showed off at one point and let him spend a few hours, remember?), and now Rose's timeline caught up.

But this means Dirk's currently not in a state to answer Kanaya, but what does that mean? Is he going to freeze with Rose's phone in hand for a few hours, or has he broken off the call to "write" the narration?

"DIRK: Kanaya, I don’t have time to explain right now." That's not an acceptable answer for her and you know it. Unless he has her fall unconscious, too, Dave and Karkat and her are going to come over!

"DIRK: John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." Wow, he actually repeated his narration into the phone. He really doesn't control his situation as much as he thinks.

"KANAYA: Dirk... KANAYA: What DIRK: This is gonna have to wait. KANAYA: Dirk DIRK: I’m putting you on hold, ok? KANAYA: DIRK!" "Putting you on hold", pfffff. It's a personal cliffhanger for Kanaya. At least he's partially outed himself to the other people now. Unless he can continue his conversation with her with a 'reasonable' delay of only a few seconds from her perspective, and then proceeds to smoothly talk around what he told her, with his narration powers influencing her to drop the subject.

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[blandmemoirs]

Reflection in the Dark

Sometimes you watch a show and it changes your perspective in subtle, nuanced ways. Sometimes you consume information in a way that informs you of something you always understood about yourself, but in a way that makes it more clear. Lately, I've felt, lost? I'm not sure that's the right way to describe it. Perhaps I am trapped? In the dark? Lets go with that. I've felt as if I am in a dark place, slowly marching through the thick of it. I cant see in front of me, and I don't know if I'm making progress or if I'm just going back to where I came from. The more things change, the more they stay the same. And my life has received some small changes with larger overarching meanings that have left me confused and... At a loss. I walk down this lonely road and wonder if the path really means anything, or if I'm slowly pacing towards a bitter end. My senses tell me tragedy is on the horizon, but I am blind as to where it is to come from. Normally I see the bullets coming my way. What does intuition command my path is to be? Its silent. I hear static. I'm in the dark. What do I choose? Am I at a crossroads or have I already taken the turn? Am I going backwards? What is progress? Does it even fucking matter? Or am I concerning myself with things that dont even matter? Do I just drop it all and let go? Let it freeze over. At least the cold takes me where the wind blows.

I do as I have always done and turn to the world of fiction for answers. Be it fate or my own unwitting subconscious, I read of tragedy and loss. I see heartache and hurt. I see broken men lose it all. But as is a constant in the world of comics and capes, they persevere. They are grieving, but they still do what they are called on to do. They still protect and serve and save. Because that is their purpose. It is what they are meant to be. The memory of love lost, and a willingness to carry on. An acceptance of the loneliness and an ever-changing world. They choose to be a constant. To never let the weight of their personal conflicts hold them back from their purpose.

This brings me very specifically to The Punisher Season 2, which I just finished watching. Frank Castle is a man wandering in the dark. No sense of purpose, just drifting. He lost everything, all the love he had in the world ripped from him violently by evil men, some close to him. But he made them pay for it. He punished every piece of shit that had anything to do with his loss. But then what? What is he? Where does he go? He finally lowers his guard to start anew, only for his whole world to go back to shit and the person he fell for to be wounded in the fray. Frank is a man of conviction. He cant see suffering and let is persist. He must step in and put a stop to it. Even if it costs him a "normal life". And so he embarks on a journey of his own making in which he faces a new enemy and an old enemy he couldnt put down last time. In it he must face himself and the decisions he makes. He avenged his family. He put down eveyone involved. Yet here he is, on a violent path again. This time for no motivation other than to protect someone he has no obligation to. In the ensuing 13 hours the show took to finish, I found myself remembering just why I like this character so much.

Frank Castle is a tragic character. His wife and two kids gunned down in front of him. His only meaning in life taken from him. He takes up arms and exacts brutal, bloody punishment on those involved, and eventually, every evil doer who crosses his path. Frank lives in a world of black and white. Of good and evil. Evil must be killed, and good protected. Frank is neither good or bad. He is the line seperating them. He is the executioner carving that bloody divide. Frank doesnt see himself as good, he just sees himself as what he is, The Punisher. He kills the bad people. Thats how simple his world is. You do harm to other people, you hurt the innocent, you must be punished. Frank differs from the traditional hero because he kills. And he feels no remorse for it. He is THE Anti-Hero. He does bad things for the benefit of the good. There are times when I would like to be that. When I consider becoming that way. There are times I have done bad things to help good people. Obviously, I've not done anything as drastic as Frank, but the themes are similar. I am a man of themes and rules.

I see Frank Castle as being the model by which a part of myself wishes to emulate. A man with nothing to lose and a code to enforce. No feelings or friends, just channeling all of my anger and hate into hurting the ones who deserve it most. Its not a sustainable model, and it would only result in my loss. Frank is a sad character in great pain. There isnt a day he doesnt miss his family. But he knows the things he has done would make his family ashamed of him, so he fights his endless war instead. Frank is twice offered a new life this season, both times rejecting the women who love him for the pursuit of his purpose, punishment. Frank ends the show by "becoming what he is meant to be", The Punisher. After a season of him considering what his role in the world is, and whether he can ever allow himself to enjoy a happy ending, Frank pleads his closest friends to be permitted to be what he is meant to be. Frank has given up on his hope for a happy life, and instead is resigned to enacting pain on all who do evil.

I do not want to be like Frank Castle. He is not a role model like Captain America, or a guiding example like the Hulk. The Punisher is a character that has given up striving to be good. He just does what he wants to do because its what he does best. He has rules and a code. He has a sense of morality and purpose, but he has no humanity left in him. He has no love. He only has his wounded soul and a hate fueled by the anger he feels in his loss. Frank is a sad example of what a person can become when they resign themselves to purpose.

I enjoy The Punisher because I can feel what he feels and indulge myself in his reality without becoming him. Its catharsis. The fantasy of beating down abusers and making them swallow their own teeth and beg for mercy as they choke on their own blood. Season Two experimented with a more merciful Frank Castle. But Frank is not meant to be merciful. He is an executioner. Mercy is for the other heroes. The hope of redemption for evil or faith in a system is what separates Frank from those like Daredevil or the Batman. Each instance of mercy was unique in that's its causes and consequences were different. Sometimes more innocents are hurt, other times the man he spared was someone doing evil against their own will, fighting for a cause out of their control. Frank spares many soldiers who are only following orders so long as they can admit their orders were wrong. "Do what you gotta do" he says.

The Punisher will always capture my imagination because I feel the connection to him. That one bad day could spiral me into a position like his. My values remain, but my soul is gone. My purpose is clear, but my heart is cold. I am simply a shell of myself, acting more as a machine or a force of nature than a man. Frank is even referred to as a "whirlwind" at one point. He is defended as not being a criminal, but also not being a hero. Hes just Frank. Sometimes I see myself in a similar vein, not a good man, not a bad man, just Robbie Bland. A constant.

Frank Castle is a forbidden future I hope I never find myself venturing into. I don't want to become like that. So sad, so tragic, so hurt. But committed, committed to a purpose. Committed to a cause, a war. There is no peace for Frank Castle, and perhaps there may never be a peace for Robbie Bland.

As I wander through this dark in my life, I wonder what I may become, if I am to change at all. I wonder what road I may choose, and if it will be the right one for me. For now, I persist in this limbo state. A good enough job in a good enough apartment surrounded by what I hope is endless support from my loved ones. The times are a-changing. But the more things change, the more they remain the same. The more I begin to think I am not alone, the more alone I feel. For now, I can only persevere and wait for the sun to shine.

Waiting, I'm growing good at it. I'm a patient man, no doubt. I can wait a long time. I just need to know what I'm waiting for, and if what I'm waiting for is the right thing in the first place. I am not growing impatient. I am wondering why the hell I am waiting for something I dont fully understand. But, maybe that means I'm bad at waiting.

I'm in the dark. Wandering. Waiting. Contemplating. I think more to the past with each passing day, making peace with some things and plans for others.

Punisher Season 2 has made me realize that I do not want to let go of the chaos my heart hold. That I do not want to let my heart freeze over so that I can commit to purpose and survival. I'd rather feel and pursue what makes me happy than resign myself to loss. Whatever tragedy approaches me, I will face it, and I will make myself better from it.

Getting to live in Frank Castle's head the last day or so has me knowing it is not a place I wish to remain permanently. Merely to indulge at times when I need to be reminded why I chase the things I do.

Good things come to those who wait. I merely need to be patient, the night is darkest before the dawn.

[lokbobpop]

Father

Father' comes from the Proto-Indo-European “pəter” and Old English 'fæder,' meaning “he who begets a child,” reflecting the baby-talk sound “pa” as well as a phonetic shift from 'p' to 'f' in Middle English

Father fat her fa ther fa the r f ather

Writing father

When i saw i had this word yesterday for today i was liek not really wanting to look at it as i dont have anything much nice i actually liked about my father he was a drunk he was verbally abusive he was self absorbed yes i recon some narcissistic actions within him i think we all have on some leve;l though, but at the end of the day wheni was young i loved my dad but it all went wrong he went wrong he lost his way and we all felt how he lost his way he was fearful for sure he had lost all and gave up he didnt see what else to do and if he did he wouldnt do it so that was it im not sure how old he was at the time when he lost it all but he’d been a drunk fro many years a before that id say in my early teens shit started to go down and it just started to ge worse and worse all the time he was a angry man.

Reading father

When i have seen fathers of other people who have lovely dads i have felt jealous i didnt have a dad like that why not why couldn’t i have a normal dad that would support you why did i have a dad that was self absorbed it didnt seem fare not all dads were the same i wanted one like theres but of cause there were dads i didnt want any dad that was a drinker i didnt want for sure.

Chris is a father to my girls although i have thought a few time he could have done more but so definitely could of i i could have dotn so much more myself so saying h=this i about him i know isnt write at all

Father as in the vicar when call him father weird or what as he ain’t your father and the furthest thing from it mind you some vicors/father might of been better than mine maybe as some fathers arent that great themselves.

When i was young id go fishing with my dad i liked hanging out with my dad and my dad liked me he even told me i was his favorite which made me sick that i wasnt my mums anf my brother was but when i was young i did like to hang out before the drinking become uncontrollable but then i was going to the pub with him where sometimes he’d get angry at me in the pub out me down once in a pub he told me he had an affair and he though a friend of mine had told me because she had seen him with another women but no they happened i felt sick how could he do such a thing when i got home i walked straight in the house past mum and went to bed i didn’t know what to do 20 years later when i did tell my mum she said it wasnt true even though i think she got up to things hey.

Saying father

Disappointment comes up that i did have a good dad

Vicor/father again

Just imagine what it would of been like with a normal father who loved hos family didnt hate his family didnt want to fight every night didnt want to put you down every night but loved you just imagine what my life would of been like would i have been much happer? I ask myself yes i would of i would of been so much happier than i was as a child

Sf

Does this definition support me no a dislike for my father to the point i hope he is here watching me right now and feeling bad for what he had done to me and my family that i hope he sees what a complete twat he was how he was so self indulgent he was but i know he did see this when he died and nothing in this will see him as wrong as it’s all about me how i handles those moments of anger from him how i moved myself within me now and then so i take responsibility for me now no more blame no more sadness its over he’s gone he’s had to deal with what he did i have ot deal with what i did and thats that.

Father faith her

Father

To be both guardians to my children to be male and female support to my children to learn from my past to create a better further for my own children to use what i know about parenting to see what is needed who to be to be both father and mother to my best ability.

I will live this word to support me in being a better mother to learn from my past so the same doesnt happen again to undo the mistakes i have done and create a new :)

[azulann]

Warrior

It was all so clear. A house, bathed in a white glow, blanketed by the flurry of the previous night. It was cold and bitter outside, yet the warmth of the hearth seemed spread even to the outside of the house, touching all those close with the heat of a welcoming home. In the doorway stood two figures. A man and a woman. A mother and a father. The father, he had a warm look about him. His tall figure towered over the woman. His face looked kind and understanding, yet there was a sadness about him. He seemed worried.

           But the woman… there was no face. Why didn’t she have a face? In that moment, the void that was the mother’s face gave a cold feeling. Suddenly the warmth that had once radiated from the home was gone, the door slammed shut, the flurry again starting. The Father looked sad, confused, and upset. The mother, she looked on from far away. She then turned. Her voice was chilling as she called.

   “Yura….” Her call sent shivers through Yura, but she couldn’t move, just look at the scene before her. She closed her eyes, trying to drown out everything that was happening.

   “Yura…” What was happening? Why couldn’t she get away?

   “Yura!!” Yura shot up, letting out a screech as the stern voice pulled her from her slumber, head almost colliding with the one that was hanging over her.

   Whipping her head around violently, Yura spotted Edilia, a comrade and the personal guard of her best friend Vetelle. “Damnit Edilia, what are you doing sneaking up on me like that?”

   “It’s hardly sneaking up on you in a place like this.” Edilia crossed her arms, smiling and shaking her head at Yura. Edilia was only a few years older than the 17 year old Yura, but seemed to be a fair bit more built. She was slender but tall and imposing. Her body had the marks of a true warrior, if the axe strapped to her back wasn’t enough of an indicator. Of course, Yura herself was no pushover, but she was far smaller than the imposing Edilia, though she shared just as many scars.

   Edilia took Yura’s relative silence to continue speaking, “There are better places to relax than in the middle of a blizzard”

   At Edilia’s comment, Yura took a moment to look around herself, realizing just where she was. She had evidently passed out in the snow near the edge a cliff she often found herself looking out over. Realizing just how much danger she had put herself in, due to the temperatures and not even thinking about the beasts that lurked nearby, Yura couldn’t help but sigh, beating herself for her ignorance. “I… yeah. You’re right. Sorry.”

   Edilia was surprised by the apology in all honesty. Yura had always been one to get worked up over silly things like this, only to snap back to the teasing. “What’s got you in the dumps girl? It’s not like you to be so careless or… apologetic.”

   “I… just a lot of thinking I guess. Too much of it.” Yura flopped back down for a moment, glancing up at the sky before Edilia dangled her head over the younger girls once more, obscuring her view.

               “Well if that’s not dangerous short stack…” Edlia smiled at Yura, but the younger girl simply sat up once more, finally making her way to stand and walk towards the cliff edge, gazing out over the landscape before them. Edilia sighed, finally letting her usual smile fade in favor of a more serious expression “Need some talks?”

   “Everyone is leaving the Highlands to enter the City-State, right?” Yura asked, seemingly diverting the subject, though Edilia indulged her anyway.

   “Yeah. We’re all getting ready to head out. That’s why I came out here to find you in the first place. We wanted to know if you were coming or not. It is home for you after all, right?” Edilia gestured backwards towards the camp, though Yura wasn’t looking towards her. Her mind was other places.

   Edilia wasn’t wrong. The City-State was Yura’s home. It’s where she grew up. Where she played with her friends. Where she spent a loving childhood with her father. It’s also where she abandoned him. Where she was abandoned. And now here it was again, standing before her. Yura continued to observe her home from a distance, the towers and buildings a silhouette in the snow, thinking about what it had become to her in her absence.

   “Did I ever tell you why I left Edilia?” Yura finally answered Edilia, getting to her issue at hand. “My mother abandoned me and my father when I was very young. My father did his best to take care of me, and he did it well. He’s a good man, but… I was a stupid child. I wanted to know where my mother went, so I took it upon myself to find out. I left home. I abandoned my father, the man who needed me most, in a moment of childish ignorance and stubbornness. I was fourteen.”

   “Yura, I had no idea… that’s awful. But you were so young! What were you thinking?” Edlia shot forward to approach Yura, but stopped as the younger girl quickly turned, shaking her head, an angry expression on her face.

   “That’s kind of the idea here. I wasn’t! I never thought, only did! I was a stupid child and it reflects upon me even now!” The three years she had been gone, Yura had watched other do nothing but give and act in such selfless manners that made Yura question the very foundation of her decisions to leave. How could she have been so selfish? So stupid? “I was so desperate to find someone who clearly didn’t want me around that I forgot to think about everyone who did care.”

   “Yura, you were young. Confused. You felt abandoned. It wasn’t selfish of you to want to know why what happened, happened.” Edilia tried her best to console Yura. She really had been a young girl, and children often did stupid things. Made mistakes. But Yura wouldn’t have it.

   “You know, I've spent most of my life running away from my problems, beating my way through people, and chasing down ghosts. I guess it just never occurred to me that I should stop and look at everyone around me.” Yura threw her hands upwards, bringing them down to push her dark bangs out of her face, only to have them fall back into her eyes, now red in her attempts to stop her tears. “Now I have to sit here and think… what gives me the right to try and go back? Why should I? I’ve already screwed up, why hurt everyone again?”

   “Looks like you have a choice to make here Yura.” Yura glanced over at Edlia, who was now directly before her, her usually playful face stern and almost cold. “Stay here and remain happily ignorant of the damage she had caused, or return home and face the consequences of your childish actions.”

   Yura looked a bit shocked at first, but soon looked down sadly, looking at the reflection of the light in the snow. “What do I do Edlia?”

   “See I... can't tell you that Yura. Thats for you to figure out. That’s your choice to make. But I know you’re gonna make the right one.” Edlia smiled once more, and gave the girl a firm pat.

   Edilia was right. Yura did have to make a choice. A choice to stop running away from her problems. The choice that would stop her from constantly disappointing and hurting others. She had spent her whole life surviving. It was time for her to stop. She needed to be a fighter, for once in her life.

   Edilia watched as Yura stormed past her, stopping where she had once been laying. In a quick motion, Yura grabbed her helmet that laid by her in the snow, looking into its mask before sliding it onto her head and grabbing the lance that had been plunged into the ground by her side. “Where are you off to then, Yura?” Edilia smiled at the girl’s actions, fully aware of what she was doing.

   Yura turned to glace at her comrade, eyes covered by the visor of her helmet, but her lips still visible with a smile. “I’m going home.” Yura glanced past Edlia towards the City-State, turning and placing a hand over her chest as she bowed her head. “It’s okay dad. Your daughter is a warrior.”

[toutorii]

Various Honoka HCS

Cause Im self indulgent 😌

⁃ So when Noka was a baby, neither her dad, Shirou or Daiki knew what the hell to do with her wings.

⁃ Her first word was "Daiai" which was exposed to be "Daiki"

⁃ Daiki would call Noka "baby bird" and mo one will tell me otherwise

⁃ He also called Shirou "buddy"

⁃ She would fly around and their dad would make Shirou chase her down. Cause by this point, Daiki had already “joined” AfO.

⁃ When Shirou and Noka were taken in by their uncle, he just slept and let her do whatever.

⁃ Their uncle, also known as Eraserhead, was a very kind guardian

⁃ He went to each of Shirou's ballet concerts, and did Noka's hair for picture day

⁃ If you looked through his search history it would be filled with "how to do a braid for beginners"

⁃ Aizawa bought Noka various art supplies and bought Shirou new shoes whenever they needed them

⁃ He also worried for his nephew, who went missing right before Noka and Shirou ended up in his custody

⁃ Didnt want Noka or Shirou to become heroes

⁃ Cause he didnt want to see the two children he practically raised to be hurt

⁃ But because of their ties to All for One, the government forced both of them to become heros to "prove" that they had severed their bonds with All for One

⁃ Shirou's dream was to become a professional dancer and Noka's was to become a professional artist

⁃ And Aizawa was not happy that the two lights in his life were torn from their dreams

⁃ And so Shirou got accepted into the hero program, in class 1-A

⁃ He chose the hero name Shifter

⁃ Cause he could shift into any organic form

⁃ When he got 3rd place at the sports festival, Noka ran around her uncle's apartment screaming with joy

⁃ Noka is literally his biggest fan

⁃ Noka's first friend was a small purple haired boy name Hitoshi Shinsou

⁃ So naturally, she called him Toshi

⁃ And she refused to call him anything else all throughout middle and high school

⁃ Shinsou and Noka have sleepovers all the time and you can't tell me otherwise

⁃ When people would tell Shinsou that his quirk was villainous, Noka would always speak up cause she knew Shinsou wouldnt contradict them

⁃ Noka is always like that

⁃ Speaking up for others and herself. And her smart mouth tends to get her in trouble

⁃ Shinsou would fuss over Noka's wings. Like if they were dirty or a few feathers were out of place, Shinsou would sit her down and fix her wings.

⁃ "Toshi, your inner mom is showing"

⁃ "Its not my fault you cant take proper care of your wings"

⁃ When she told Shinsou about her acceptance into U.A's med course, he couldn't have been prouder

⁃ Noka is actually the one who encouraged Shinsou to train with her uncle.

⁃ But before that lets talk about Noka's time at U.A. so far

⁃ She was first introduced to class 1-A during the first combat training

⁃ Healed everyone who got very minor injuries

⁃ At the USJ attack, Shigiraki deteriorated part of Noka's hip. But her extremely enhanced natural healing abilities stopped the deterioration

⁃ So she has this big ass scar on the back side of her left hip

⁃ She wanted to absolutely murder Shigiraki for letting the Nomu loose on her uncle

⁃ But she doesnt have any damaging fire power

⁃ So she just tried to heal her uncle's wounds the best she could

⁃ Nearly gets herself killed many times with her smart assery

⁃ And gives everyone around her a heart attack in the process

⁃ During the sports festival, she helped RG heal all the students

⁃ Reprimanded Deku for overusing OfA

⁃ Oh yeah, she learned about AfO and OfA from her time with All for One (A/N: please dont kill me im trying to not make her too op 😭😭)

⁃ Is kind of like to Deku like Recovery Girl is to All Might

⁃ So fast foward to the internships

⁃ She interns with another oc of mine, Snow

⁃ Who is a healer but with incredible attack powers

⁃ Coincidentally, Noka was patrolling Hosu when the nomus hit

⁃ She recieved Deku's distress signal and ran to the scene

⁃ She didnt attack the hero killer, but ran to help Native and made sure he didnt bleed out

⁃ The hero killer didnt bat a single eye at her, deeming her not a threat

⁃ In the end, she didnt harm Stain so her hero guardian? didnt have to take any blame for her actions

⁃ Noka however did get nearly ripped in half by a nomu, so she had to stay in the hospital with Todo and Deku

⁃ So— Summer training arc

⁃ She just looked at her class and said "fuck this" and flew over the whole forest

⁃ She actually beat the wild wild pussycats back to the camp

⁃ She got to know Kota, telling him how she never wanted to become a hero

⁃ Kota may or may not have developed a kiddie crush on her 😳

⁃ But anyways, when everyone else saw her all nice and refreshed, needless to say they were upset

⁃ Some more than others

⁃ *remembers Bakugou nearly blowing off Noka's face because she cheated*

⁃ Aizawa just smirking at his niece cause shes so much like her mother

⁃ "DAMMIT TAKAHASHI. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU CHEATER"

⁃ "They said to use our quirks. Its not my fault your quirk is too grounded"

⁃ "WHAT— YOU WANNA FIGHT—"

⁃ "No I wanna eat, goodbye—"

⁃ Focuses on her attack and the healing capabilities of her quirk

⁃ Let me set the scene

⁃ At the beginning of UA, our Noka could barely heal up a small cut

⁃ But now, she can close up major wound with little to no effort

⁃ P r o g r e s s people

⁃ N e ways

⁃ So when they do the haunted quirk thingy

⁃ Hairi and Noka are paired up, to their delight

⁃ But they aren't able to go into the forest before the attack happens

⁃ Apparently, the league came for Bakugou and Noka

⁃ Cause the "master" wanted his first nomu to return to him

⁃ But all Deku knew was "they are after Kacchan and the master's first Nomu"

⁃ Nobody knew who the first nomu was except for Noka

⁃ See, AfO took and gave Noka various quirks, eventually ending up with her current quirk(s)

⁃ He did this to Shirou and Daiki as well

⁃ But Shirou's body wasnt able to handle as many quirks, so AfO discarded him

⁃ Daiki was not aware that Noka was a target, Shigiraki knew he would object and purposely left him out of the loop

⁃ Eventually, Noka is cornered by Dabi

⁃ His fire power vastly out matches hers

⁃ But she puts up one hell of a fight

⁃ And Kurogiri took her before she woke up and fought back even more

⁃ So everyone was panicking when they couldnt find Noka

⁃ Aizawa was panicking them most

⁃ His precious niece was missing, no, taken by the league

⁃ The students had never seen their teacher so frazzled

⁃ The thing that broke Aizawa more was the look on Shirou's face when he told him that his baby sister was missing

⁃ His precious baby sister

⁃ His whole world

⁃ Shirou didnt go out of his room for days

⁃ He was there when they were to save Bakugou and Noka

⁃ All Might fought AfO, and won

⁃ But there was no sign of Noka

⁃ Shirou nearly tackled Bakugou, demanding, no, more like pleading for him to tell him where she was

⁃ Bakugou merely said "She's gone, and I dont know where she went"

⁃ The whole class was in a panic

⁃ Where was Noka? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she in danger?

⁃ And the question that hung on everyone's mind the most was

⁃ Is she alive?

⁃ The emptiness of Noka's desk was deafening

⁃ Their smart ass classmate was nowhere to be found

⁃ And they all felt guilty

⁃ But none more than Bakugou

⁃ For he was the last to see her alive so to speak

⁃ And her last words to him were "Forget about me ya big oaf, you hear me? I don't want you sulking, or I'll personally beat your ass."

⁃ Forget about her? How could he do that?

⁃ Noka was the only person who didn't put up with his bullshit

⁃ From day one she put him in his place

⁃ And honestly shes the closest thing to a sister he has

⁃ During the hero license exam, all of class 1-A decided that Noka would be really upset if they all sulked and failed their exams

⁃ But the fact that only Todoroki and Bakugou failed would make her fall into hysterics

⁃ When class 1-A met the big three, Mirio told them that Noka was strong and stubborn to a fault, so they shouldnt worry about things that arent in their control

⁃ To which they asked how he knew her

⁃ Apparently Shirou, Amajiki, and Mirio have all been friends since elementary school

⁃ So Amajiki and Mirio had been there a lot for many crucial parts of Noka's childhood

⁃ When the work studies started, Deku went on patrol with Mirio and Shirou, AKA Lemillion and Shifter

⁃ Shirou couldnt help but feel so much guilt crushing him when Eri jumped out of Deku's arms

⁃ Cause Eri reminded him of his little sister

⁃ Speaking of little sister

⁃ She refused to return to the league, so Shigiraki sold her to giran, who then took her to Overhaul

⁃ For the last 2 months, Noka had been experimented on by Kai Chisaki

⁃ In the mean time trying to protect Eri and building a loving friendship with the young girl

⁃ Ill talk about this another time

⁃ So skipping to when they save her

⁃ It was a total shock for them

⁃ To see this wingless, pale, frail, bandage wrapped girl

⁃ And even more so when she spoke

⁃ Not having that bite that their Noka had

⁃ But a softer, more broken voice replaced her normally boisterous and confident voice

⁃ In the big battle agains Chisaki, Noka got slammed against a wall

⁃ Which in normal circumstances would be fine, but with her body in such a week state it immediately cracked her ribs and spine

⁃ Ochako helped get her friend to the ambulance as quick as she could

⁃ Shirou saw a fluff of pale pink hair out of the corner of his eye

⁃ He immediately turned to run towards the medical stretcher, but was stopped

⁃ He kicked and screamed something along the lines of "THATS MY BABY SISTER. PLEASE LET ME SEE HER"

⁃ In the most broken voice you would ever hear

⁃ In the hospital, after Sir. Nighteye had passed, Deku, Kirishima, Amajiki, Shirou, Ochako, Tsu and Aizawa were all waiting anxiously for Noka's surgery

⁃ When all of a sudden the door explodes open and the nurses and doctors are shoved out by an invisible force of heat

⁃ Noka was using her ability to set herself aflame and be healed in the ashes

⁃ But no one knew wtf was going on cause she learned the trick at the Hassaiki hideout

⁃ So p a n i k

⁃ But after the doctors confirmed her stablility, they all went back to school

⁃ The whole class bursted into tears when they told them about Noka

⁃ Jirou, Kaminari, Momo and Mina all being the most emotionally impacted

⁃ Bakugou was almost crying witb relief but he disnt show jt

⁃ They weren't allowed to see Noka for a whole month

⁃ Only family were allowed

⁃ She was hard at work recovering and going through therapy and they didnt want to disturb her

⁃ But when they (Kirishima, Deku, Ochako, and Tsu) did visit, they were shocked

⁃ There was this soft spoken, trembling, woman, and this was after a month of intense therapy

⁃ They hadnt event started physcial therapy yet, they wanted to get her tk the point she could be around others without going into a panic mode

⁃ But what really shocked them was how her wings hadnt grown back.

⁃ They were then told that they would never grow back, since the bone in them were completely ripped out.

⁃ Thus she needs a wheelchair while she recovers

⁃ Daiki sometimes visits her during the night

⁃ He apologizes to her over and over again for not being there when she was taken

⁃ But also to apologize for abandoning her and Shirou

⁃ She just cupped his wet cheek and said

⁃ "Daiki, I know you had a damn good reason to do what you did. Also you're my big brother. I dont care if you work for All for One, youre still my brother. And you'll always have a home with us. Shouta Shirou and I will welcome you back with open arms."

⁃ Needless to say Daiki just bursted into more tears

⁃ Anyways—

⁃ By the time the school festival comes around, Noka still needs a wheelchair, and isnt the strongest mentally, but she has made tremendous progress.

⁃ After the 1-A concert, Eri sat on Noka's lap the whole time. Except during the beauty pageant, in which Deku held Eri, and Mirio held Noka (cause shes a smol baby)

⁃ Noka was in charge of tesching Eri the basics while she recovered, since the young girl felt most comfortable with her

⁃ When the dual training session came around, Noka still couldnt do much moving around without draining her energy quickly. So she stuck with enhancing her quirk while she built up her physical strength.

⁃ Meaning she healed any and all injuries after the matches were concluded

⁃ Monoma made the mistake of saying something about her not making any progress, and Bakugou was t h i s close to murdering him 😌

⁃ Ever since Noka got back from the hospital, Bakugou has been v e r y protective of his honourary sister—

⁃ But Kendou smacked the blonde before Bakugou could do anything

⁃ Shinsou would totally go like "Noka are you okay? Are you sure you should be out here? How are you feeling? Do you feel sick?"

⁃ Cause Shinsou is a mom

Anyways I have a bunch more hcs but i dont wanna completely bore you. But I was thinking of doing this for Daiki Shirou and Noka as children. Or maybe for Phoebe 😳😳😳　

Comment or send an ask if i should

[wang-yeon]

Nervous Touch| Jimin

Jimin is known for his charm on stage but when the lights cut out he cant help but become flustered. Its something you've learned to deal with but often grow tired of. Maybe Jimin will show you what actually riddles beneath the flustered boy he once was.

Warning: Cussing, smut, flustered Jiminie!, then out of no where hot sexy Jiminie!

Genre: Smut and a lovely amount of fluff

Word count: 7.4K

A/N: Im sorry i meant to upload this yesterday but i didnt have my laptop to post it and i tried to post it on my phone but it fucked up. Here it is now tho, please enjoy the trash that i write

Life was enough of a struggle at the tender age of finally being able to find yourself. Being surrounded by hard studies and your parents attempting to guide you only driving your insanity. All though my plate was already full of these things it only grew larger as i was brought into the lime light. Instead of the guidance and judgment i gained from my parents they came from other peers. everybody judge your every movement, every talk and every blink. I however didn't ask for it but my boyfriend Jimin did so willingly. Jimin had been one of the very handsome members of BTS. He was known for his witty charm and irresistible ways but however when the light was taken away from him he was quite the opposite. He became soft and warm hearted when around me always making sure i was cared for.

Jimin held two personas, one where he is on stage as the cheers and roars from the crowd fuel his energy and sexy behavior. The audience always encouraged this persona making him crave it even more. His other persona was the one I was familiar with, the one where he was so afraid of touching me, as if i was a porcelain doll and i might break at any moment.

Everyone close to Jimin was familiar with this side of Jimin as it was played only when he was around people he was comfortable with and could actually become himself instead of who he is known for. I had been with Jimin since he auditioned but we were only friends and never expanded on it. Until recent Jimin aimed to become something more valued even with the dating ban. Sure this was definitely enough to draw conflict between our relationship but it never got in the way of anything serious. Jimin and I had eventually grew stronger but ultimately stayed the same in most ways. Of course the occasional peck caused some members to groan at the new change but they still accepted it, as it wasn't to out of hand. It still had been an adjustment as things began to settle in.

I began coming to the dorm more recent to see Jimin and the other members. During the day i would usually end up playing video games with Jungkook and Tae while Yoongi heckled there bad efforts. Occasionally helping Jin cook while Hobi was dancing happily to the music that played as we cooked. Jin always stayed focused on the cooking as i sometimes joined Hobi making Jin hit me lightly on the head with a wooden spoon. As all of this passed Namjoon would usually pull me aside and try to indulge in deep conversation. They all ranged in different ways, some begin about conspiracy theories while others were about relationship advice. I had loved and gotten along with everyone in BTS but there was one that stood out from the others. While the night commenced I stayed hid away in Jimin's room where we would mindlessly kiss and show affection to each other. Jimin was always shy with public affection saying that he didn't need other people to see how much he truly cared about me.

One day that was put to the test as we were kissing on his bed with me being on top as he held onto my waist and began kissing me softly. We had been so focused on each other that we didn't even notice the knock on the door and the later opening of the door till we were greeted by Yoongi.

"Hey Jimin have you seen Y/-"

Jimin quickly pushed me off of him resulting in me landing on the floor with a groan. I looked up at Yoongi who held a blank stare not really caring about the situation.

"Never mind I've found her. Hey Y/N when your done um laying on the floor can you help me with something? Thank you."

With that Yoongi left the room closing the door softly. As soon as he closed the door Jimin sunk to the floor repeatedly asking if i was okay making me roll my eyes and nod. Since then i always thought that Jimin was always ashamed of being with me but i just realized this is just the person he is and i have to respect that. As time went on Jimin and Yoongi were back on good terms, Jimin had corrupted that Yoongi was creeped out by what he saw but Yoongi truly didn't care. As Jimin awkwardly tried to make up an excuse for what he saw Yoongi just blinked bored at his behavior before getting up and saying 'dont be ashamed everyone has sex jimine'.

Jimin blushed at his words turning to me and hiding his face in my shirt. Everything was a big extraordinary mess everyday but we had each other and thats all we need.

Namjoon soon took Jimin's path seeing that actually being in a relationship had its good causes. Namjoon was very worry some when it came to relationships always iffy about the situation. It was sure enough a surprise when he walked in with a random girl we never seen before and he introduced her as his girlfriend. None of the less we all got to know her and began to like her personality. Of course there make out sessions grew awkward for all of us and annoying but she was fine. It was a major adjustment for the boys as me and Jimin rarely kissed in front of them and know they were dealing with this. Soon enough it became a normal thing for all of us. Jin had thought other wise as he threw a wooden spoon at her but we all liked her.

Everything was going perfectly but as tour began to pick up again things went crashing down. Most nights i would call Jimin while he was practicing at the dead of night but he never hesitated to answer my call. He called me often as well checking up on me and letting me know that i was still wanted. This had taken a toll on Namjoon's girlfriend, Jasmine as well. She would often knock at my door at times that i was either already sleeping or on the phone with Jimin ending in a short phone call.

She went on about how she missed Namjoon and his touch. This surely led to a weird conversation on a incite on there sex life, one that i didn't need to know about. There was also an ounce of bitterness that set in my heart as she went on about how Namjoon was always rough and never gentle with her, Jimin was rather opposite. We always indulged in plain vanilla sex, exchanged many kisses but never as many touches. I pushed my thoughts aside and focused on a blathering Jasmine.

It was easy to see that we were both in need of our significant other back in our present lives. The late night phone calls weren't enough anymore, I needed more and I would give anything. With a bit of help I managed to get the airport information when they would arrive to the states. BTS was supposed to have a few stops in the states giving us the perfect opportunity to see one another.

The car ride to the airport with Jasmine had been hectic. It was unbelievable the mouth she had on her, i guess that way Namjoon picked her. She couldn't stop talking, i felt as if every time she talked my head would explode form all the words falling from her lips. Maybe this was the reason her and Namjoon never held up a conversation. She keep mindlessly turning the radio dial saying that my music taste was horrible making me roll my eyes at her comment. I was seriously going to roll her out of this damn car but i knew Namjoon wouldn't allow that for some reason. I tried keeping my eyes on the scenery and the road trying not to let my anger get the best of me as she kept saying her useless comments.

Right as if i felt like i was going to snap we finally arrived at the airport. Jasmine raced out the car door making her way to Namjoon i presumed. I unlocked my door taking off my seat belt feeling my veins pulsate in sheer excitement. I made my way out of the car eyeing The boys and an evident Jasmine clinging onto Namjoon as they showed there affection for each other. Luckily there wasn't any fans that i could point out. As i grew closer to them i spotted Jimin talking to Namjoon and Jasmine. He displayed a sad expression as he talked on with them most likely asking where my presence was before i let myself be known.

"Jiminie!"

Jimin swirled around eyeing me making his frown turn into a proclaimed smile. His eyes crinkled as he shouted my name running in my direction to excited to keep his emotions and affection under control. Jimin reached my destination as he pick me up into s warm bear hug and proceeding to kiss my whole face all except my lips. Jimin was affectionate to a certain amount. When we hadn't seen each other in a while this was when he would show the most affection in front of people. Even though all he was doing was hugging me, so i soaked it in as much as i could before it was cut short.

"Easy Jimin, we dont want a repeat from what happened last time."

Jimin let me go completely making me stumble back slightly as i was brought back on the ground. Jimin smoothed down his shirt bowing at Yoongi who dared to let that bold comment leave his lips. Jimin was obviously distraught and flustered from his bluntness trying to keep a reasonable distance between us.

"Your right, I am sorry hyung. It wont happen again i promise you."

I rolled my eyes at his behavior but decided not to indulge in it as we began walking out the airport. It drove me crazy how peoples opinion often made him actual take action even when they didn't mean it . Surely Yoongi was joking but Jimin completely took it as all seriousness as if he was forbidden to lay a finger on me. He acted like it was wrong to show any sot of affection publicly and when i asked him he always brung up the contract while Namjoon and Jasmine mindless sucked each others faces off. It was really starting to irritate me, even as we were walking he could have at least held my head but he kept his distance and looked straight till we reached the van.

The van was split in three sections each baring three seats meaning me and Jimin had to be seated with Taehyung while in the back as Namjoon and Jasmine held there own seats. I understand why no one wanted to sit with them as the clashing of there tongues would grow irritating very quickly but even in the back seat you could hear it ever so slightly.

"I swear at any given change they get they will such each others faces off."

I looked at Tae and chuckled slightly at his comment. It was true i've never seen them actually have a conversation with each other. I guess this was one thing me and Jimin had that out ruled them.

"I know. It frighten me that one day there tongues will be stuck together."

Tae laughed and threw his head back at my comment as his hand unexpectedly landed on my thigh. I jumped at the sudden feeling. I already hadn't been use to the feeling of Jimin hands lingering on me so as Tae's hand stayed on my thigh it felt quite strange.

Jimin seemed to take notice in this as he glared at Tae who was oblivious as he still held a conversation with me. Jimin seemed as if he was going to explode and i didn't need to look at him long enough to take notice. He was fuming but didn't know what to do as he was never in this position.

Jimin starred at the hand that laid on my thigh not doing anything as Tae still talked to me with all his Witt. Jimin just stayed silent and let the whole thing unfold making me anger. I loved having a conversation with Tae because he was genuinely funny but i couldn't focus on anything at the thought of Jimin just sitting back and not taking action in anything that was going on. I get that he doesn't show any affection but Tae was showing far more than he has attempted to surely that could have bothered him. I had no way of knowing if it actually did bother him but it surely bothered me.

We finally arrived at the hotel and were now managing our room keys. The lady placed the keys on the counter with a very fake enthusiastic 'Thank you for staying with us, please enjoy your stay'. Everyone looked among t the keys and noticed that the keys came up wrong. Instead of one key since the plan was originally staying in a big place where they all could room together and we would mostly be out the whole time instead of in the hotel. There were three keys.

"Why is there three keys?"

"Well i was thinking that me and Jimin could stay in a room together and Namjoon and Jasmine can as well, since were in a relationship."

"But nonna, you never slept in the same room as Jimin. You always sleep in the guest room."

Jungkook tilted his head in confusion at the new information that didn't add up to him. Everyone had always assumed that i stayed in the guest room instead of sleeping with Jimin which i did at first till we both became intimate. Unfortunately Yoongi found out later down the road the truth behind it making him smirk at this very moment.

"Oh trust me they stay in the same room and are fairly close and familiar with one another."

Everyone looked at Yoongi not expecting him to say such thing and confused by his abundant outburst that didn't add up. As for me and Jimin it sure did as i hung my head low but didn't mind it much as he was only joking but Jimin took it out of context.

"She does in fact sleep in the guest room. We've never done anything like that, that's just really weird."

Jimin laughed nervously as he said hes statement making everyone look between us. Yoongi looked over at me as if asking what was going on making me lower my head more in shame. Jimin once again didn't want people to know what goes on between us making things harder on my part.

"Its really not weird at all, i mean me and Jasmine share the same bed. Its okay if you both do the same."

"Well we don't! Stop making it a big deal."

Jimin got the key from the counter and marched to the elevator. I managed one small wave before following after Jimin. Im sure everyone who witnessed felt an ounce of sadness for me even Yoongi who started the while conversation. I hated that they pitted me and how Jimin was acting but they someone have to understand that this is just the behavior he has always shown. I just needed to somehow manage it.

We were in the hotel room as Jimin was mindlessly looking through the channels of the TV while laying on the bed. I had been standing up not feeling the need to sit down as thoughts ran through my mind on where this relationship was even heading. With this amount of affection it was sure enough to come down from its high.

"Sit down Y/N, I don't want you working yourself to much."

I stayed still not knowing if i wanted to sit down before i felt Jimin arms around my was it bringing me onto the bed with him. I let out a small giggle not able to control it. Jimin brought me to his chest and he kept his arms wrapped warmly around me while looking at the TV program displayed.

"So hows college going? Working you the bone i suppose, but i know my baby can handle anything."

I swooned at the nickname loving when it fell from his lips wishing it would more often.

"Its good, I made it on the deans list so that's pretty cool."

Jimin jumped slightly making me look him in the eye as if asking what was wrong. Jimin looked at me before pulling me into a bone crushing hug.

"Pretty cool? Are you kidding me baby that's amazing!"

Jimin proceed to attack my face with kisses something he would do when  he couldn't contain his excitement. He still held me tight but it loosened as his lips lingered on mine making me hum softly at the affection. Jimin broke apart the kiss smiling upon me.

"I'm so unbelievably proud of you, baby."

The moment was surely lovely but i still had this one thing lingering in the back of my mind. It was nipping at me as i asked it to go away as i finally have received what i was longing for. The feeling was sure going to end.

"Why do you always act like this alone but when were in public you stay away?"

The moment surely ended as of now. Jimin stiffened up as he straightened himself fully sitting up on the bed. I stayed on the bed laying down with my hands on my face hating that i even said that. Why couldn't i just accept what i was getting as the moment was happening? I truly was a fool but Jimin only enhanced this quality on me.

"I tell you thousands of times. Its because of the contract."

"Bullshit. The stupid contract gets in the way of our relationship yet not Namjoon's and Jasmines?"

Jimin rolled his eyes at my behavior knowing that i was right but didn't chose to accept it. I had been so feed up from his behavior that I didn't really muster what words were meant to fall from my mouth at any moment. The words struck me by a shock and sure enough struck a nerve in Jimin as well Jimin.

"My god you really don't care about our relationship do you? I would be better off fucking Tae and you know it. If you keep acting this way you will lose me."

Jimin's eyes widened at my words taking in what had threatened to leave from my lips. I didn't even think of Tae like that but i had chosen the only thing that would hurt him as i was hurting too. I just wish it didn't escalate to this. Jimin's eyes flashed three emotions first being shock second being anger and third where they just displayed nothing. Jimin stayed silent as he proceeded to go back on his phone before looking me in the eyes with a cold exterior.

"Get dressed, the guys and Jasmine want to take us out. Hopefully wherever we end up going it will be a good place for you to fuck my best friend, because you want to act so senseless."

I looked at Jimin and suddenly i was finally at a lose for words instead of him. I had no right to say what i had said and stating that i was just angry wasn't a good enough excuse. I had let my emotions get the best of me just because Jimin didn't show enough affection. Sure he didn't in public but when we were alone he made me feel as if the moments made up for everything else. Now Jimin walked out the door leaving me in the room to change by myself. I hadn't had high expectations but they certainly were set and i might have drove Jimin away because of my wrongful actions.

I had spent the last few minutes in the bathroom attempting to get ready but spent most of that time beating myself up of the situation. I really hadn't meant to say that it was just that i had been bottling this up for some time now and maybe keeping it inside was something that i needed to just learn how to do. I had finished with my makeup and put on a semi tight fitting dress not taking notice of it. I sighed looking at myself in the mirror before meeting everyone in the parking lot.

I felt as if i made the whole situation even more awkward with my veins as i was the only one who was late to the van. Everyone's attention snapped to me including Jimin's cold glare. His eyes read a lustful gaze as he looked me up and down while biting his lips. This was sure enough to bust my mood making me slightly damp before Jimin continued his hard gaze trying not to get tempted.

"Well looks like our beautiful ladies are all here."

Namjoon nudged Jimin while he was gripping onto Jasmines waist. Namjoon was signalling for Jimin to go by my side only for Jimin to go into the van not minding a blink. Everyone's sympathetic  gaze shifted to me yet again, if only they knew that was my fault and stupidity. I held my head down as i got into the very back of the van only for Taehyung to follow.

"Hey, you okay?"

Taehyung looked at me with sympathy in his eyes. Tae was very sympathetically to any creature he should love and care to anyone. Anyone was lucky to have him but i never thought about him in that way. It was definitely nice to have some comfort once and a while from him but not for a life time.

"Yeah i'm fine."

Taehyung appeared unconvinced, but didn't want to bring it back up thinking that it would bother me more.

"Well, you look very lovely tonight."

I smiled at Tae's compliment. He truly was a sweet person and i wanted to thank him or his efforts. Sadly Jimin's scruff stopped me from doing so. I rolled my eyes at him but also understood where he was coming from but he really was to much of a coward to do anything. He even prosperously switched sets with Jungkook to just be away from us.

"Where are we going anyway?"

"Well we really don't know any good clubs around here, so do you girls have an suggestions?"

I looked at Jin as he asked the question twisting his body to us. I had a few in mind, i did often go to the club sometimes and i was selecting the very few that would be a good destination.

"I know this club down the street, they mainly play latino music its very good."

Hobi jumped happily at my request making me laugh. Hobi had always been energetic meaning him in an actual club bumping music and lurking alcohol was going to only encourage that.

"Aye despacito ."

Hobi began dancing while Jungkook encouraged him while joining him from the back. This event was surely going to be enchanting with those energetic boys and a very irritated Jimin.

I had reserved most of my time at the bar finding that drowning myself in alcohol made me forget about most things. the same most have had been accruing for Yoongi as he sent was reserved for him as well. He however didn't have the same reasoning for drinking as i did. He did it for mindless fun and to get away from all the stress while i did it cause i couldn't handle my own situation. It wasn't anything to extreme just a mindless action ready to take place.

"Alright what the fuck is up with you and Jimin. I understand how weird that dude is but now your acting weird too?"

"Were just having problems i guess, hes not being as affectionate as i would like and im being a complete idiot."

I hadnt really ever told Yoongi any of my business let alone never thought of ever telling him a lick of anything. It was just that Yoongi had already seen enough of whats going all all he needed was answers and i was drunk enough to give it to him.

"Ive noticed how he doesn't show much affection but he does when no ones around. I dont understand whats up with females cant you just take what you get."

"Yoongi i appreciate the advice but you haven't had any sexual relations beside your hand."

Yoongi shrugged it off while downing a shot not minding me. I hadn't meant for it to come out that way but i knew he didn't mind it as he says the remote same to other people. He wasn't bothered by other peoples opinion and thats what i admired about him. I shifted my eyes away from him to be met with Jimin sitting in the lounge area looking at me with the same cold glare that sent shirves down my spine.

The music changed to "Ay Vamos" By J Balvin making my mood shift. I felt the energy take over me as i noticed everyone else was out on the dance floor besides me and Yoongi who looked as if he could care less. None of the less we were in a club and there were more things we could be doing besides drinking.

"Wanna go out on the dance floor?"

"I rather choke on a fork."

I nodded at Yoongi's response before going on the dance floor dancing my worries away. I began dancing and flowing my body with the music forgetting about worries that commenced me earlier. I had been moving my hips and focusing on the music that i didn't even notice the very evident body behind me before i was met with their bulge poking my ass.

"Um, exuse me but i have a-"

I turned around and was cut off as i was met with Jimin in my eyesight. His eyes that once held a dark stare were switched with a more wanting lust filled one making my underwear dampen. I had never seen Jimin like this before especially when we were in front of countless amounts of people but i put that aside for the moment afraid  would mess it up again.

"How could you not now your own boyfriends cock, baby?"

I was shocked by Jimin's words but moaned slightly as he gripped onto my waist and grind against my hip bone. He positioned his leg between mine as i copied his actions. We began grinding together moving our hips to the music enjoying our time together.

Jimin's hand reached to my neck making me look at him in his eyes that told of the actions that he would later do to me. Jimin  motioned my neck to get closer making our lips grow closer together before he locked our lips. The kiss was anything but sweet and sensual, the usual kiss we were use to.It was filled with lust and nirvana making our senses heighten enlightening everything. Jimin's hands traveled to my ass gripping it as he grind me onto his thigh while he did the same making me moan into his mouth.

"I swear, Ill take you right here and show Taehyung that i can fuck you like the slut you are."

Jimin groaned enjoying what was going all but also letting the bad thoughts commence in his head. Jimin had still been convinced that Taehyung could treat me better in different way, he had been far wrong but i wouldn't tell him that. Seeing him like this was definitely a huge turn on and i wanted to be a little selfish.

I turned around not commenting on his statement. I directed my ass on his clothed cock feeling the material of jeans rub against me. Jimin head flew back at the feeling but took action rather quickly. His hands guided to my hips directing me how to move them as he grind into me slowly. Jimin was already a talented dancer i knew this but i never really seen how he was when he had lust running through his veins. When this happened he danced slowly but aggressive leaving anyone soaking which is what he was doing at this very moment.

Jimin moved my hair and focused on my neck and began kissing it as he still grind he hips against me. Jimin whispered small things in my ear enough to make my core asking.

"You see Taehyung, looking at use? To bad he cant fuck you like I can, your all mine. This pretty little ass is all mine."

I looked up to see Taehyung gaze on us. I felt a little sympathy but he knew me and Jimin were together. Taehyung didn't seem bothered by us but rather surprised that we were actually doing something like this which was why he was looking at us like this. I was going to inform Jimin about this information but remained quiet as he began to guide us out the club.

Jimin proceeded to hale a cab all while gripping onto my hand before he shoved me into the back seat. I stayed seated while Jimin shifted uncomfortable as his seat as his hand stayed on my thigh. Jimin looked at me before smirking and looking front ahead again. I looked at him weirdly as he only looked forward. I felt his hand creeping up before they reached my damp underwear.

"I beat Taehyung dreams of making you this wet. hmm I love feeling this pretty little cunt and its all wet for me."

I bit my lip as Jimin slide my panties to the side before running his fingers around my clit. The simple touch was enough to make me to let out a small moan. The cab driver looked in the mirror to see what was going on making me smile weakly as Jimin remained to keep a bored look on his face as if nothing was according.

I looked at Jimin warning him but he didn't mind it one bit as he continued to rub my clit. I bite my lips getting use to the feeling and managed to not make a peep. I jumped at the feeling of his fingers teasing my entrance. I threw my head back making him smirk in victory.

"Come on baby. Use that dirty little mouth of yours and let it out."

I shook my head letting out small almost unheard painting breathes from the feeling. Jimin looked at me as if he was begin challenged before he inserted both of his fingers inside of me making me bite my lips so hard i could make out the metallic of blood.

Jimin began pumping his fingers in and out of me before telling me to play with my clit as he does so. I obligated afraid of what might come if i didn't. I felt my walls clench around his fingers and im sure he could to as he took his fingers away denying my release. Jimin gripped onto my hand as well to make me halt my actions of messaging my clit.

"You really think you deserve to cum after you said you would fuck my best friend?"

I was at a lose for words as he said that and looked straight ahead yet again. I was scared by what was to happen in the next few hours but couldn't help but drip even more at the thought of him taking is aggression out on me.

We had reached the hotel room in the amount of minutes. I had managed to muster that Jimin was actually more angry at me than i suspected. I hadnt said anything to him as i took off my heels and was going to get ready for bed before his voice halted me from my actions.

"You really think your gonna get away from me by going to bed?"

Jimin walked over to me as i stood still at the bed side to dazed to move. Jimin brought his hands to my ass bringing me closer as he kissed me deep as our tongues mixed together in bliss enjoying each other. Jimin broke the kiss to look me up and down licking his lips.

"Get on your knees and suck my cock, baby."

I sunk to the floor without thinking and proceeded to unbutton his pants before i was met with his underwear. I licked my lips in anticipation before pulling his underwear down as his cock sprung up.

I licked the tip of his cock making him jerk slightly before he gripped onto my hair. Jimin never liked when i teased him and the sign of him grabbing onto my hair was a signal of that, but i couldn't help myself. Jimin still gripped onto my hair bringing me in closer proximity with him. I began circling my tongue along the base of his cock before taking him completely in my mouth.

Jimin wasnt to big but he was big enough for me to not be able to fit him all the way in my mouth. He certainly did use it to his advantage but didn't do anything i wasn't comfortable with. Thats another reason of why i loved him so much, he never pressured me into doing unwanted things. As of now i wanted ever inch of him.

I proceeded to suck him off while my hand cupped his balls. Jimin rolled his head back loving the feeling of efforts on him. He gripped onto my hair tighter not use to the feeling running through him. Sure we did do oral but Jimin always hated that and wanted to get right to it but as of now Jimin put those ideas to a halt and focused my mouth wrapped around his cock.

Jimin let out a few breathy moans coming to his edge. I smirked before gripping his balls tighter and focusing on my mouth around his cock. Jimin pulled me back by my hair making me look at him. Jimin had small beads of sweat forming on his forehead making him look even more sinful.

"I want to cum inside you tonight, do you want that baby?"

I nodded eagerly. Jimin had never once came inside of me always wearing a condom at all time. This was a different situation however. He was blinded by the lust to not even know what he was saying,  however i was the same way. I had luckily been on pill making it a precaution.

(still use a condom for extra protections kids! Remember wrap your willy before you get silly)

Jimin picked me up and placed me on the bed before getting a top of me. Jimin began kissing my neck mumbling unspoken words that were rushed as a blur. I focused on his tongue running along my collar bone as if he was marking what was his. I could still sense the feeling of jealous still ridding through out his system making him continue roughly his attack on my neck and collar bone. I let out breathy moans as Jimin keep on feeling his very evident boner poke my lower region making everything enhance.

"You want to ride my cock baby?"

Jimin released his mouth from my neck looking up at me with swollen lips. I nodded eagerly at his request as i got on top of him. I removed my underwear as i positioned myself on him. I rubbed him across my slit a couple of times before i sung down onto him as we both let out a sigh of content. I began rocking back and forth as our slight moans mixed together. Jimin's hands squeezed my thighs guiding me to move back and forth before they traveled to my ass gripping rather tightly.

Jimin guided his member up making me moan loudly not excepting him to do something like that. Jimin quickly switched positions as i was on my back and he was taking control. It was a whole new experience seeing him take such control but exciting to say the least. I couldn't hold back as he continued his lust filled actions and i could tell it was affecting him as well. Jimin fastened his pace as the beads of sweat increased. Jimin let out a straggled breath as he came undone as did I. His warm liquid soon filled me up to the brim before he got off of me to retrieve a cloth and clean me up as well as him.

We laid on the bed cuddling with one another enjoying the simple company of one another. Jimin rubbed up and down on my arm as i inhaled his scent. I felt completely at peace and i could tell he did too but there was something holding him back from complete nirvana. What just happened had possible been the best sex i had and he couldn't deny it either yet there was something holding him back.

"Im sorry im never as affectionate as Namjoon and his girlfriend are."

I looked at Jimin as he said his abundant statement. He looked straight at the ceiling not daring to make eye contact with me as if he was to afraid of my reaction. He didnt need to be afraid as i understood, even though i was hard headed at times i understood.

"No its fine, I love you just the way you are."

"I do too, its just i dont want out relationship to be just based off if strictly sexual manner. I want to actually share a connection with you rather than swapping spit with you. I do understand why you want to show affection in public and i always wanted to but always been to afraid, i promise ill try to work on it."

I smiled at Jimin warmly loving that he was opening up about something he had been so conserved about. H did want to show more affection but just felt to nervous and didnt see the need to. The fact that he wanted to change that sent my heart into over drive but i would have been fine if he didnt alter this. If he didnt want to show affection in public i would be fine cause he always did it in the private of just us two, where it mattered most.

The affection in public began very slowly as we took baby steps, not wanting to rush all of the sudden.  It had began to progress a couple of days after the whole discussion occurred as we were all seated at the table Jimin being seated right next to me. I had pointed out to Jimin what i thought looked good making him nod and rub my shoulder. As the waitress asked for our orders Jimin so gratefully ordered for me making me blush. I was definitely capable of ordering it my self but just him ordering it for me just made me happy.

"Awe, baby you didnt have to."

Jimin shurged it off bringing his lips to my cheek making my blush deepen. Jimin then held my hands that laid on top of the table for everyone to see. Certainly they looked at use as if we were different people. Yoongi smirked at us finally seeing that we stepped out of the comfort zone. I hide myself into the crook of Jimin's neck making him chuckle and pat my head. It was weird how i was the one originally who wanted more affection yet i was so flustered as Jimin was taking it all in with a smile.

Everyone adjusted to it very easily as they already had to deal with Namjoon and his girlfriend. We were never as affectionate as them making it another reason why they all adjusted so easily. Jimin had convinced himself that Taehyung wasn't okay with it leading to a very awkward conversation of Taehyung trying to explain that he had a crush on Jungkook and the simple thought of pussy made him shiver with disgust. Jimin and I were certainly surprised by the confession but were glad that everyone was alright with the adjustment

it wasnt an adjust for the rest of the members but for the fans that was another situation. As BTS went on there way to leave the states it was a pretty heart breaking moment for all of us, not just me and Jimin. I had went down the line of hugging everyone till i was met with Jimin. I went in for a hug knowing that the possible fan could be lurking before he full on picked me up and kissed me lovingly. Jimin hadnt cared about anyone else as my legs wrapped around his waist and my kiss met his. He was wishing me a good bye one that i didnt forget and one that only invold us two.

"Alright you two, we dont need a full on fuck session in the middle of the airport."

Jimin chuckled into the kiss before letting me back down. Jimin grabbed my hands and kissed me on last time before boarding his flight. He occasionally looked back waving to me before he disappeared from sight making me sigh sadly. Jasmine put her arms around me as we made our way to the car, one that i was dreading.

Days passed since that and army's noticed some said hateful things while other said nice and caring things. Jasmine was rather supportive through the whole thing as she went threw it too. It brought a whole new light to her and her personality. Her and Namjoon still did do extra things and she did talk alot but she had a kind heart. We often shared stories about or significant other and sometimes we talking about random things but no matter what she was always there.

Months passed as i talked to Jimin on the phone missing his touch wishing i could get a single moment with him. I felt even more worst when Jasmine told me that Namjoon was coming to visit her for there break making me sad but understanding that Jimin probably wants to see his family.

I had joined Jasmine on the car ride mostly looking out the window the whole time trying to block out her talking about her and Namjoon. It felt like heaven when she raced out the car as i followed her but it felt as if i was greeted with hell as i saw them hug and kiss one another lips with affection. I huffed and turned around making my way to the car before i heard the sound of someone calling my name. Not just someone.

"Y/n"

I turned my body being greeted by a running Jimin. Jimin held two bags in his hands but as he saw me he dropped them and went into a full sprint as i followed his actions. We collided with each other as he held onto me together afraid that i would disappear at any moment. Jimin kissed ever inch of my face before landing onto my lips as our tongues mixed shortly together savoring the moment of utter bliss.

"I thought you were going to visit your family or something?"

"I did, you are apart of my family you know that right?"

I looked at Jimin lovingly feeling small tears well up in my eyes. He cooed at my state and kissed some of the joyful tears away. Jimin and I had been threw very few struggles either it begin the past couple of years or couple of months. I loved him truly from every inch of him and his whole naked soul. I knew he felt the same and he never once was afraid to let that been known. Jimin loves me and everyone knew of this, wither he show affection or not.

He loved me with all his heart and that's all i needed.

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt.21

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

yo whats up. before we start, a few things:

yes, adrien and nino’s kiss was before dark cupidyes, adrien knows that him and marinette kissed during dark cupid. marinette told him in ch15even if it wasn’t i doubt adrien would count dark cupid as his first kiss, seeing that he doesn’t remember it

now that thats done, warning for discussions of like...murder in this chapter? they dont actually kill anyone but theyre just like...casually discussing how you would kill someone with x or y. its mostly just ridiculous but there are a few parts that could be considered kind of gross so, tread carefully if needed. (conversation creds to @agrestenoir​, @breeeliss​, @reyxa​ and a few cameos from @chassecroise​ because i basically stole that wild ride of a conversation we were on)

enjoy?

11:24

nino: im pretty sure chat noir was just flirting with me

ladybugfan2020: get it boy would u break up with me for chat?

nino: … yeah probably

ladybugfan2020: cool same

nino: im glad were on the same page

23:57

mari: Im gonna go murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream. Bye

nino: how

ladybugfan2020: are u gonna drown in whipped cream because that would be the best death tbh

nino: i dont think its murder if you kill yourself

ladybugfan2020: i would get a sibling to do it

mari: Bad news alya

ladybugfan2020: or like……………….a hitman hire a hitman to kill you with a bowl of whipped cream

nino: yo since youre dead you dont have to pay them

mari: I dont think thats how that works

adrien: What did I just walk into??

nino: YO HITMAN HIT ME UP WITH SOME MORE WHIPPED CREAM

ladybugfan2020: how would u kno how it works mari?

mari: Hey adrien Just murdering myself with a bowl of whipped cream

adrien: Not possible

ladybugfan2020: um??? says who

adrien: Prove to me you can die by whipped cream Draw me a diagram

nino: if i had to choose a topping to die by id choose hot fudge probably

mari: Ooo

adrien: If you got a tub of whipped cream And like Just hit a person with it With like…the tub That might Kill you I guess?

nino: bruh

ladybugfan2020: but wouldnt u rather choke on whipped cream

adrien: That’s harder? Like you’d have to get it into their mouth

mari: If anyone says anything about kinks I will leave this groupcaht and terminate all friendships

nino: fucking chri st

alya: IM

adrien: Wait wait Ignore mari and her gutter mind

mari: HEY

adrien: Tell me How to kill a person with whipped cream

nino: why? you got someone you want dead? there are easier ways my dude

adrien: Indulge me

ladybugfan2020: k heres the plan u knock them out with the tub of whipped cream theyr not dead but theyr momentarily unconscious then u stuff a bunch of whipped cream in their mouth and up their nose and when they regain consciousness they choke on the whipped cream and die

adrien: Ok Ok so You take the can And beat them over the head Until unconscious

ladybugfan2020: yes

adrien: BUT You fill their nostrils

nino: apparently

adrien: With whipped cream And their mouths

ladybugfan2020: uh huh

adrien: Let it dry Until they slowly

ladybufan2020: dry??????????

adrien: Just suffocate

nino: no no put them in a freezer let the cream freeze

mari: This is not where I was expecting this conversation to go Wait what????

ladybug2020: no u wait until they regain consciousness does whipped cream dry @mari do u have whipped cream we can test stuff with

mari: Why go through all this trouble when you can just snap someones necK?

nino: put them in th e freezer so the whipped cream freezes and retains its shape

ladybugfan2020: because death by whipped cream is the best way to go

nino: itd be like shoving a throat shaped mold down their throat and they cant breath e around it and they die

ladybugfan2020: y would u do that

adrien: No man

mari: What the fukc

adrien: You’d have to like

nino: ok look you cant breathe around a block of cream in your mouth and nostrils eventually youll pass out from lack of oxygen

ladybugfan2020: ye thats teh point of putting whipped cream in their mouths

mari: But then is it death by whipped cream or just suffocation

adrien: No that’s my point

nino: so freezing it would work the best

adrien: …. Wait

ladybugfan2020: the WHIPPED CREAM is doing the suffocation

adrien: It IS death Wait No

ladybugfan2020: so it IS death by whipped cream

adrien: It’s death by whipped cream The whipped cream Caused it …. Hm

nino: yes

ladybugfan2020: ok but y does that working best matter either way

mari: Mmmm now Im thinking about death by chocolate

ladybugfan2020: they die and its death by whipped cream

adrien: Death by chocolate is more complicated

nino: if you take melted chocolate and insert it into your veins

adrien: You can’t beat someone with a Hershey’s bar

ladybug2020: putting them in the freezer would just be extra @ the freezing the whipped cream

nino: you can poison yourself

adrien: I don’t know I think chocolate is too thick for that

ladybugfan2020: about the beating what about this giant ass ones u can buy online for lots of money i dont have adrien might have to provide the murder weapon for this one

mari: I meant death by chocolate cakes adn stuff but ok Good job team

adrien: Oh

nino: the meter and a half chocolate bar al?

adrien: Just buy like… 10000 chocolate cakes

ladybugfan2020: hell yeah nino

nino: i mean… you can shove cake up their nose?  

adrien: Get a pick up truck

mari: Where the actual fuck is this going

adrien: And then just All at once

ladybug2020: nah nah you could do it the same way as the whipped cream

adrien: Drop the cakes on the person All at once

nino: run them over

adrien: Until they die NO That’s not death by chocolate cake That’s death by getting hit with a truck

mari: Alya whatare you even talkling about

ladybufan2020: u put the cake in their mouth after u knock them cold

adrien: Alya what the hell

nino: put cake over their eyes

adrien: Stop knocking them out!

mari: Why is cake on eyes????

nino: so they can pay the boat man and cross the river styx

mari: Youre spending too much time with Adrien

nino: or just throw them in the freezer

mari: Can we not just eat dessert?????

ladybugfan2020: do u kno how hard it is to put a body in a freezer

nino: not that hard

mari: How the fuck do you know??????

nino: alyas little sisters locked me in a freezer once when i brought them to her moms work it sucked man

ladybug2020: boy that was a body sized freezer

adrien: It’ll be like that scene in Tangled

mari: jfc

ladybugfan2020: u gotta have the strength to lift like,,, a pERSON

adrien: Where Rapunzel tries to put Flynn in the dresser

mari: All my friends are serial killers

ladybufan2020: thats hard bruh

nino: not if you put your back into it fireman carry

adrien: Ok question What do you do AFTER you put it in the freezer? At least if you chop a body up

nino: whoa there sweeney todd

adrien: You just drain the blood

ladybugfan2020: too messy

adrien: Fill a bag with spices Put the parts in And just throw it out

nino: just roast it though???? dude, embrace the sweeney

ladybugfan2020: no but thats not death by whatever sweet you wanna kill them with thats just killing them

nino: like if i throw it in a fire, itll smell like shit, but you can pass it off as burning trash or something

adrien: Where would you even do that? That’s so conspicuous

nino: first of all sweeney todd did it in londo n second like...farmland?

adrien: Yeah Sweeney Todd isn’t real though

ladybug2020: ah yes the farmland in paris

nino: well drive out to the farm with the body

adrien: Who are you going to blame it on when they find a burned body???

nino: theres no one around its farmland theres like 2 people they wont find a burned body

adrien: The suspect list can fit on a post it note Do you know how they identify burned bodies? We’ve watched detective shows together, right? I didn’t hallucinate that???

mari: Didnt this start with me saying I was gonna murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream

adrien: Dental records Nino

nino: just do it at a vacant farm dude

adrien: You’d have to like Pull the teeth out THEN brun them Messy but the job gets done

mari: I needed to know like -2 things I learned tonight This morngn

nino: messy???? YOU CHOPPED THEM UP

mari: This conversation is over 10 minutes long and thats about 9 minutes too long

adrien: And honestly? If you’re going through this? Just dissolve the flesh

ladybugfan2020: gross

nino: ohhh acid bath

adrien: Well you decided to murder someone Al It’s going to be gross

ladybugfan2020: where do u get acid tho cause thats a lot of acid

adrien: I’m sure you could find it somewhere

mari: Ok Im ending this conversation befor esomeone googles something they regret

ladybugfan2020: call up lb and cn we now have a solid plan for defeatin g hawk moth just beat him up with whipped cream

mari: Im going to bed I hate all of you

nino: night dude dont let the bedbugs bite

ladybugfan2020: or the murderers

mari: Fuck off

 2:46

adrien: I’ve been watching so many cop shows I could probably get away with murder

ladybugfan2020: HOW to get away with murder lmao im hilariou s

nino: yo consider this going the fuck to sleep

adrien: One more episode

nino: im gonna show up at your house and force you to go to bed

adrien: What are you going to do cuddle me to sleep?

nino: yes

ladybugfan2020: hi get a room

adrien: </3

 4:19

mari has renamed this conversation to “fuck you all”.

mari: I dreamed about murder and literally had blood all over me I hat e you peopl e

 6:48

nino: nice carrie style

 7:02

adrien has renamed this conversation to “out damned spot”.

 7:14

ladybufan2020: what a nerd

[curlyshepards]

LITERALLY i want all of them for curly shepard

IM SORRY TO THE MOBILE USERS WHO THIS WILL NOT APPEAR UNDER A READ MORE FOR

What does their bedroom look like?

idk why i’m such a firm believer of this BUT: tim and curly share a room, so typically half of it is clean and the other half (curly’s half) is a fucking mess all the time

Do they have any daily rituals?

every day for lunch at school him & his friends just go under the bleachers and drink. unfortunately curly has no limits so when lunch is over he usually just ends up ditching the rest of the day to go continue drinking somewhere else

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

he doesn’t make a conscience effort to exercise, but he walks basically everywhere when tim has the car. so he’s in pretty good shape bc of that & bc of fighting

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

curly has never made dinner a day in his life and will never make an attempt to nor does anyone want him to. if theres nothing already made at the house he’ll either just go without or go to the diner

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

he’s a generally messy person, but he takes pride in his looks so he takes care of himself. he’s always clean shaven and smells really good. his room, however, is a disaster scene

Eating habits and sample daily menu

usually not awake for breakfast, and for lunch he’ll scrap up whatever he can find in his house (probably ends up being a sandwich or cereal) and for dinner he’ll follow tim somewhere and make him buy him dinner. he loves eating at the diner and never underestimate his ability to eat breakfast meals at 11 o clock at night

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

his sole reason for going to school is to waste time (thats what he tells everyone at least but its rlly because tim will not let him drop out) but if hes not in school then he’s probably just walking around his neighborhood w/ his friends or hanging out at the strip trynna start fights

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

dont.....really know what this means. all im thinkin about is that chocolate stuff. but he likes chocolate so lets go with that. he could eat 50 kit kats in a row, probably

Makeup?

makeup sex? absolutely. he’ll start a fight with his boo just for the sex

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

i honestly dont see him having a mental illness

Intellectual pursuits?

intellectual isn’t really his thing. BUT  i can see him really liking labs and stuff

Favorite book genre?

he hATES reading, but mostly because he’‘s dyslexic and he was brought up thinking that he was dumb bc he had trouble reading. ponyboy is the one that ends up helping him, though, and sometimes he’ll read to curly (action books bc they’re the only ones that’ll keep curly’s attention. there are numerous times he regrets the decision bc curly cant keep quiet for more than a few minutes.)

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

(i can already see the purly supporters @’ing me yikes) but PERSONALLY i think he’s straight. idk what this means by thoughts on s.o. in general but im bisexual ??? idc about sexual orientation ??

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

he’s got a lot of scars, mostly on his knuckles but a few up and down his arms. he’s deathly allergic to seafood but doesn’t care bc it looks gross to him anyway.

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

biggest: honestly just making it through another day is an achievement to him

smallest: he swears that one day he will beat sodapop curtis in a drag race

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

biggest: being as respected as tim is when he’s older

smallest: he will own a puppy at some point

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

white t-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, and if its not too hot then a leather jacket. he hates jean jackets tho and WILL make fun of anyone who wears them

Favorite beverage?

beer. but also pepsi. hes weird.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

we’re about to get deep. on good nights he just thinks about his day. there’s never a boring time with him, so he’s always got a lot to think about. he could be thinking about a girl he’s met or just hooked up with, or about what his friends got into. on bad nights though, he thinks about his dad and how he never got to know him. he thinks about how maybe he’ll never be like tim, and he’ll never be the brother that angie falls back on (that doesn’t bother him as much as it should, but it still pops into his mind) the number one thing that keeps him awake is never amounting to the shepard name

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

just stupidity. he broke a lot of bones, needed a lot of stitches, and was bed bound too many times to count. there was one incident that tim loves to tell: the first time curly got into a fight. the guy was two times bigger than curly, but he didn’t care. the fight was done in 5 minutes, and curly had his first broken nose

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

turn ons: i can see him really liking outgoing girls/ girls that are upfront. also neck kisses, collarbone kisses, hair pulling, back scratching

turn offs: daddy kink (seriously, its gross, stop forcing this on my son. he already has enough daddy issues) but nothing else really he will do basically anything

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

either a very crude & poorly done drawing or a sign that says “curly is the hottest shepard”

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

he is NOT. it doesnt really bother him that hes disorganized, but it drives tim up the wall. he’s always getting onto curly for being a slob

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

he doesn’t really care, but since he’s forced to go to school he might as well enjoy something, which ends up being the labs in science. he likes the dissections, mostly, but he thinks looking into the microscopes are cool too (mostly bc him and his friends make shapes out of the slides)

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

alive, hopefully

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

he kinda just takes it day by day and doesnt care about the future. hes a strong believer that things will fall into place if theyre supposed to happen

What is their biggest regret?

probably being too emotional and not toughening up enough when he was younger

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

SO this is an OC but his best friend is a guy in the gang named brian. his worst enemy is also in the gang and his name is jimmy and he fucking hates that kid.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

he’s probably the one that caused the disaster, so he immediately tries to fix it on his own. which usually works, but it leaves a mess behind that he’ll attempt (and fail) to cover up. a few hours later he’ll get chewed out by tim.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

so lets say tim dies. tim is the only person that curly is really close to, because if there’s one thing that he learned from his brother it’s to never let anyone too close. but he always thought that tim would be there for him so he worshipped him. but ANYWAY tim dies and curly shuts down. i can honestly see him losing it bc tim was all curly ever knew, he was always there to fix the mess curly got himself in and now he’s just kinda alone in the world. he’d still have the gang, but they’d remind him too much of his brother, so he’d eventually cut ties with them. it’d take a major, new person to bring him out of his stump, and thats if he ever really brings himself back to normal

Most prized possession?

the hand-me-down leather jacket tim gave him

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

doesnt really care about them bc he doesnt have a lot. he likes the things with meaning, but couldnt care less about expensive & nice things

Concept of home and family?

hes VERY family oriented and a huge mama’s boy, but he hates his step dad. he’d do anything to protect angela and anything that tim asked him. family always comes first with him

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

it kinda depends. on his sexual life hes really TMI, but about emotions and family and secrets he’s really private. you could count on one hand the amount of people that he’s told private stuff to, and even then they don’t know the full story. i think the only people who would ever truly know him are tim and his significant other

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

football!! and hes actually good at it. tim never plays tho so the only time he gets to is with the curtis gang

What makes them feel guilty?

fucking up on a gang job and letting tim down

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

more emotional!! that’s the biggest difference between curly and tim. tim will think of the long-term effects before making a decision, where curly is more of an “act now, think later” type person. his decisions are usually the wrong ones, but they make for a better story

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

i’d wanna say type B, because he is super laid back and easy going and isn’t really competitive (unless its for a joke)

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

getting away for a while. he loves driving and ive always seen him as having a little secluded spot that he goes to by himself during his teenage years. eventually though he finds the right person that he can take, and just being with them makes him feel better

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

neither tbh. he may think that he’s better than some greasers (because honestly he is) but he doesnt think of himself as above other classes. he finds it unfair that socs and middle class people have a superiority complex, so it’d be dumb for him to have one. he just thinks everyone should be equal (but he knows theyre not, and for that reason he’ll fight any soc he can get his hands on)

How misanthropic are they?

hes very easy to get along with if you come from the same type of neighborhood. he’s open to everyone that’s cool with his gang, but he’ll be the worst kind of person to rival gangs and rich people. so he doesnt dislike people, because he can be a really cool guy, you just have to come from his streets

Hobbies?

football, fighting, drinking, poker. y’know, d00d stuff

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

he graduates high school and thats it. and he definitely values self education more, the stuff he’s learned by himself ahve been more useful to him than the Pythagorean theorem ever will be  

Religion?

he believes in a god but never really thinks about it. hes not religious by any means but i think it kinda comforts him knowing something comes after life

Superstitions or views on the occult?

he doesnt believe in superstitions imo!!

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

both. he’ll talk a big game and then follow through with his promises

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

THE QUESTION IVE BEEN WAITING FOR OK if curly ever fell in love, it’d be with someone making him feel okay with being him. they’d make him want to be a better man & not just a mini tim. they’d have to accept that curly would always idolize his brother, but they’d also help him detach a little. they’d love him for him and accept the fact that they can’t change him. they’d probably be just as wild as he is, bc they’d have to keep up with his lifestyle. they couldn’t take life too seriously and would never know what the future had in store for them. i can see curly eventually being able to be romantic, but it’d never be in public

How do they express love?

kisses, holding hands, little acts of kindness (giving them something that reminded him of them, asking how their day was, remembering little things)

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

daddy came to win

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

nah i dont think he is. i think he’s kinda accepted that there is a very real possibility that he won’t make it past 30 w the way he’s living, so that’s why he takes it day by day