#cause its still like. in my city. im on that campus all the time always passing by whatever buildings

[muirneach]

one thing i love to do is read meme/confession pages of schools i do not attend. i’ll be months deep in an instagram account for some school in a whole other country

[duskterrace]

local ghost spotted posting intro five days late, anomaly muns claim. many express shock over ghost's sudden appearance. ✩ ( let's pretend this is introduction is actually on time and i wasn't panicked about how little i had ready lmao)

sorry for the super late introduction guys and thank you admins for being so understanding with me and my sweet summer child ! hi everyone ! ✩ im ghost ( they/them, 21+, est ) sleepy and back from the afterlife to offer up seo jinsol, your local 23 year old disaster astronomy major with the ability to manipulate the presence of yin and yang within themselves ! i've been so excited for this rp, and i honestly cant wait to start plotting with everyone. everything you could possibly need on jinsol is below, along with some headcanons and wanted plots! my discords available for anyone who needs it ( and pls need it tumblrs ims will be the death of me ). pls send a dm or leave a like if you'd like to plot so i can race over and gush over your muse(s) !

ㅤ STATS   |  ABILITY   | BIO (U/C)   |  PLOTS | PINTEREST  | PLAYLIST

✩ BASIC INFORMATION.

name seo jinsol  ╱ age twenty3 ╱ pronouns he/they/she ╱ gender possibly ╱ birthday december 13, 1999 ╱ birthchart sagittarius sun aquarius moon leo rising ╱ hometown hongdae, seoul ╱ orientation bisexual, androsexual lean  ╱ personality outgoing, playful, confident, thrill-seeking, sarcastic, impulsive, stubborn, hot-tempered, curious ╱ faceclaim choi san ( ateez ) & hwang yeji ( itzy ) ╱ character inspo post ponytail zuko & sokka ( atla ), jordan li ( gen v ), beast boy & starfire ( dc titans )

✩ HEADCANONS. tw: far too many avatar the last airbender references.

raised with manners, so they're very respectful. especially of their elders and women. they don't eat first when elders are present, they offer assistance with tasks ( normally being the first to jump to help someone ), they tend to offer to listen to someones worries, etc.

since their power is based on internal balance an yin and yang, they can be found doing a lot of activities around campus to clear their mind from time to time. ranging from yoga in the morning, to sketching, jogging, endurance workouts, forcing themself to relax, and burning incense. think uncle iroh but as a modern day, 23 year old college student. when their energy ( chi ) isn't balanced, they experience disharmony, a very tiring process that causes the typical results of disharmony except ... personified. so gender switching to female, being depressed, stressed and anxious with tummy issues ( normal hot girl sh*t imo ) all at the same time and against their will etc.

contrary to how i explain them, they are not as calm, collected nor as wise as uncle iroh. they more so have the personality of zuko, around when he started being hot and also sokka. so sarcastic, awkward, still a hot head, playfully, clumsy, and always cracking a joke or two. the vibes of a beloved leader that probably shouldn’t be leading.

they're wanderlust coded. i have this weird headcanon of them, where its a day off and they just turn off their phone at night and go for a walk in the city and just exist, looking at the city lights, sitting and looking at the river, grabbing ice cream even though its cold out side and then eventually heading back to the dorms as if they didn't just disappear for a few hours without a word. they definitely do this often too, while eating some cheap buy buy one get one snack they bought at the a convenience store.

despite how they may act sometimes, they love skinship; on that note, physical touch & quality time are their love languages.

silly but their side of the dorm follows the rules of feng shui and they’d probably playfully nag their roommate ( or any friend really ) to let them just to rearrange one of their things so their stuff fits in the room a little better.

following the ( TW ) death of their grandmother, they fell into the deepest depression and stopped wearing the patch for a while, ( no longer than a month ). the extremely negative emotions they faced kept them female the entire time, but soon enough they caught feelings for someone. feeling happier, they started the went back on the patch again. in the crudest tldr; they got their heart broken pretty badly. they decided to go off of the nullivi patch one last time after falling head over heels for a normal person. the showed them their ability, and just to be completely truthful about who they were, they shifted. it backfired pretty quickly and they were shunned, shamed and rejected. this is one incident they still struggle with letting go, and it currently affects how they view / form relationships.

they don't hate nullivi but they don't like it either. it messes with their internal balance which can make it tough to use their powers later and requires a pretty strict regimen when off of nullivi to balance their energies again.

They actively seek connections. They’d give anything to connect and have someone understand them, deeply and intrinsically without feeling like they’re being judged for who they are. They want to be able to open up and have someone see them for them; for whats really the inside and not just whats the outside, no matter what form they may take.

* more coming soon, only one braincell is on shift tonight .

✩ WANTEDPLOTS. *more plots en route.

CRUSH : it starts with those shy glances across the room and before they know it , all of a sudden all of the songs they listen to were about your muse. for some reason, your muse has caught jinsol's eye. your muse gives them butterflies, hope even, but they don't call it a crush for nothing. ( possible routes: unrequited & requited ) SPRING FLING : what you had was quick and fun, and meaningless. in the end, there was a clear agreement from both sides that it was no strings attached, hence a clean break was expected. so why does it feel weird watching you walk by them without a word? and why does it sting to see you with someone else? THE DREADED GROUP PROJECT : lets be real, no one in this group ever really liked each other. Since the start of the semester they've kept a pretty good distance from each other, but despite their best efforts, this year they share a class and even worse they've been partnered together for a group project. their final grade is literally dependent on them working together and fast. will they do suck it up long enough to pass ? ( 0 / 2 ) A RIVAL : no need for formalities here. this is someone they just can't seem to see eye to eye with. your muse is someone who sees their presence as a threat and/or vice versa. it could be a friendly rivalry, or a genuine grudge filled feud. whatever it is, bring on the angst ! ( * would be great for rival muses in other rally houses )  TRAINER:  someone they can honestly throw down with. as a member of samjoko, they're constantly trying to find new ways to use their abilities to their advantage. whether its through regular hand to hand combat or testing the limits of their powers, they crave the power to propel samjoko's reputation further and feel like its their sole responsibility to harness said power. EX: a recent ex that broke them / or / the person they broke . the first person they sorta came out to about everything. their playlist has to be full of sad-ish songs for a reason right? this person is the reason, the reason for their glow up in public, and glow down in private. the break up could've been they're fault, could've been the other persons. all they know is... they hate that they still think about your muse as often as they do.  OTHERS : fellow members of samjoko, other residents in blue dorm, the usual fwb/ewb, enemies, childhood friend, friend groups, acquaintances, roommate etc connections. maybe people in the same major/classes, or another club of some kind?

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤDo you wish to make a connection?        ▶︎ YES.ㅤㅤㅤ NO.

[dancingintheraindreamingonday]

You will always be the winter soldier - Chapter 5

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Author’s Note: 

This is a flashback of your past with Bucky. Somethings weren’t witnessed by Bucky or you because I just want to give more details about the thoughts of other people as well. So this is definitely written in a third person perspective. This chapter is really long but I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway. 

Bucky sits in a plane to Munich. Sam got information that the leader of the Flag smashers are currently working there. 

Bucky remembers the last time he was in Germany. It feels like an eternity ago.

„Tell me why I need to watch this series again.“, Bucky looked absolutely annoyed. 

„Its a classic. Everyone knows this series. It’s like general knowledge.“ You answered while scribbling something on your paper. 

„ And why aren't you watching this series?“ 

„Well my love, I know this series by my heart.“, you smiled at him and then saying the exact same thing the actor said on the screen proving him that you really do know this series.

Minutes later you closed your math book with a loud thump and throwing it on the ground. 

"I'm sorry. I don't want to torture you with this series. Maybe I can make it up to you." You winked at Bucky and kissed him on his right cheek. 

„Probably you will find a way.“, Bucky smiled mischievously and kissed you right on your lips with both of his hands on your cheeks. 

You and Bucky weren’t virgins but you both never had sex with each other yet. It made you nervous. 

And Bucky was nervous as well.The last time he had sex was an eternity ago and women changed through the times. Now women are so much more emancipated and strong-minded.

You kissed him. On his face, throat, neck and down his torso. You wanted him as much as he wanted you. 

In this night you and Bucky didn’t have just sex- you made love that night. It was something absolutely soft, and warm and caring about it. 

There was no much of talking and there was no pressure- it was just pure love without saying the word itself. 

Everything changed from that night on. From that day on you both were a couple, without labeling it.

Two weeks later Bucky accompanied you to university. It was something he did regularly and you enjoyed it. It gave your the feeling he was just a normal guy spending time with his girlfriend. And James from Bucharest was  indeed almost a normal guy. While you were bubbling about a math problem no one except math students could understand, he noticed a man.

Bucky knew when he was being followed and it agitated him. 

Now that he wasn’t just concerned with his life but also concerned with your safety it made him anxious. 

He grabbed your right arm and pulled you in a small alley.

You looked at him confused and scared. „What’s going on?“, you asked not understanding his sudden behavior. 

„I wanted to give this to you.“ Bucky pulled out a small mobile phone from his pocket. You looked confused because you already had a smartphone in your trouser pocket. 

„It’s a safe line. So, if you’re in danger or you just think you’re in danger- call me and I will come and get you.“

„You’re scarring me. Are you in trouble? Are WE in trouble? Do we need to run?“ You looked at him, touching his face to make sure he calmed down.

„No. Don’t worry. Everything’s alright.“ Bucky lied. „I’m just taking precautions.“

You doubted this reassurance.

„I can ditch university. I can come with you.“

„No. It calms me down to know that you’re safe at university.“ 

„Okay. But don’t forget: If you jump, I jump, remember?“ You quoted the movie you both watched last night. 

„You’re stuck with me. Where you go, I go.“

He kissed the palm of your left hand. „I’m not going anywhere.“, Bucky lied again. 

And with that he accompanied  you to university. As he left, you walked into your class and you took out your phone and your homework. You checked the latest news. The day before there was a bombing in Vienna but on this day there were breaking that there’s a picture of a suspect. The picture showed no other than Bucky himself. Your heart stopped for a moment and you couldn’t think clearly. This explained his behavior and fear. You knew he was innocent- no doubt about that. You knew the man you fell in love with and James would never do such thing. The only conclusion was that he was being fraud by someone else. You decided to skip the class and go home to find James. 

When you arrived outside, the campus was quite empty because the majority of the students were already in their classes. As you walked to the gate a man was calling you.

„Hey! Wait!“ He jogged to you. 

„You’re working with Bucky, aren’t you? You’re his accomplice.“ The man in front of you assumed. 

„None of your business.“, you muttered. You wanted to pass him but he stopped you by grabbing your shoulder. 

„My name’s Sam Wilson and you really need to come with me.“, he said, scarring you with his words.

His grip was so tight that you couldn’t break free.

„Im not coming with you. Who do you think you are?“

„I’m working with Captain America.“ He said. You could hear the pride in his voice.

„So? That doesn’t make you an authority. I don’t trust you.“

„You saw the picture, didn’t you? You saw the picture of him in the newspaper. You don’t strike me as a dumb person, yeah? You know what this picture means. They are after him. They are already here. So I need your help.“

„Why do you need my help? He’s innocent. That picture is fake and I know it. But do you? Do you believe in his innocence or what aim do you really pursue?“

Sam didn’t answer but he also didn’t let go of you. So the only thing that you could do was to kick him between his legs. But your head start wasn’t for long. You can’t outrun an athlete. He caught you with his hand which made you stumbled and you fell face forward on the ground. Your lip was bleeding. 

„Im sorry. I didn’t intend to hurt you.“

As you looked around you saw police officers pointing their guns at you and Sam. 

„You called the police?!“ You asked unbelievably.

„Ey. They’re pointing their guns at me too. So no- I didn’t call the police.“ 

They handcuffed you both and took off. Sam talked with someone via earpiece: „I’ve got her but the police got us both. I’m sorry.“

At the same time, Bucky, Steve and King T’Challa were also handcuffed. Steve looked at his childhood friend and shared the information Sam just gave him: „I’m sorry, but they’ve got her.“ 

To say that Bucky was furious was an understatement: He would burn down the whole city if they’d hurt her. 

When you arrived at the office in Berlin you couldn’t stop all the questions that were floating in your mind. „Why are we here? Since when is Germany responsible for crimes that happened in Vienna or Bucharest? Why were German police officers in Romania? What the heck is going on?“ You asked but everyone was ignoring you. 

Minutes later a man entered the room and you realized that this was Tony Stark. „Who is that?“ He asked, pointing his finger at you. You didn’t bother to answer him. You just turned your head away. „Alright. Kinda mean but we will get the answers anyway.“ He sat down next to Steve. „Is the thing you have with him even legal?“, he asked you again.

„You tell me. He was born in 1917. I was born 80 years later.“

Tony scrunched up his nose. 

The screen was turned on and you saw James. „Why is he in a cage? Why is there no lawyer? Is this how Germany practices its law now? Did you tell him his right to silence?“ You asked almost aggressively 

„You’re audacious and naive.“, said a man in a suit. 

„Stop insulting me. James is as innocence as I am. He wasn’t in Vienna and I told you that from the beginning. And no one in this damn room is listening. You’re just looking for a guy to take the blame. I don’t know how America treats their suspects but here in Germany they have human rights as well. They have dignity and they are still treated with respect and decency. All people have rights. We learned that 70 years ago and we will never ever forget it, understand?“, you spatted. „You imprisoned and treat him as if he’s a monster.“

„My dear child, do you know what he just did today in Bucharest? The damage he caused?“, the man screamed. 

„But it were you with the loaded guns, right?“

„He’s not just a suspect. He’s the delinquent.“

„In some countries there is a trial for this question to be answered, but you seemed to be hangman and judge in once.“ You provoked him. This was so unlike you that you really couldn’t understand the anger that was inside you. 

„I like her.“ Tony said. „She’s loyal like a golden retriever.“

„Stop insulting me even more. I’m defending the man I love that doesn’t mean I’m a puppy wagging its tail.“ 

Before anyone could say anymore to worsen the situation the power was gone for merely seconds but the power was back, Bucky disappeared from the video. Everyone in the room turned around and looked at you. 

„How are you going to explain this.“ Tony asked you 

„Kid, you stay here. Don’t even think about leaving this room.“ As Tony walked downstairs he asked himself if you’re related to a woman he met over 20 years ago who happens to have the same last surname like you did. No, unlikely. Almost impossible. 

Bucky, in his winter soldier mode only had one aim: to kill as many people as possible. But something was off. He hasn’t been the winter soldier for quite some time and the impact you had. The thought that you were hurt made him even more lethal. His priority was to find you and made sure you were okay. So everyone who fought him was a threat, an enemy.

It ended in a cafeteria where Bucky held a gun to the head of a seemingly important man. Bucky was circled with dozen of agents, all pointing a gun at him. 

„Where is she? Where is (y/f/n)?“ Bucky asked

„She’s okay. You don’t need to worry about her.“, Steve assured Bucky

„I don’t trust you. I need to see her.“ 

„We can bring her here. So you can see it for yourself.“ Steve suggested while Bucky just nodded. 

Steve and Tony ran upstairs and Tony grasped Steve by his arm. „What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You can’t bring her downstairs to him. He’s dangerous and she’s just a kid. You can’t control him.“

„He isn’t dangerous and I don’t think he would hurt her. After all they are something like a couple. She knows him. And we will be there as well. Trust me, Tony. Nothing will happen.“

So they both accompanied you downstairs. 

You’ve got nervous, shaking uncontrollably. „You don’t have to do this.“ Tony said. 

„And I’m really sorry that I compared you with a golden retriever. I just think that loyalty is a great character trait.“

You smiled at him. „It’s alright. I’m sorry too. For being so angry and impulsive and arrogant.“

„Are you scared?“ Tony asks. „No, I’m not. I trust him. I trust the man I love. He isn’t the winter soldier anymore. And that he remembers me in this moment- that’s a good sign, isn’t it? So I had a little impact on him.“

Steve opened the door. You felt all the eyes of the agents on you. Thats really made you uncomfortable but you tried to ignore and only concentrate on James. You tried to relax. Your hands where cold as ice- something that always happens when you get nervous. You walked towards him. „You need to let go of this man, James.“, you pointed with your eyes at the man. „I’m alright. I’m safe.“ You approached him. „You really need to let go of him.“ Your voice was firmer. „The agents here are scared of you. They see you as a threat. So I’m begging you: let go of him.“ 

And Bucky let go of him. „They hurt you.“ He stated looking at your bruised lips. „No, they didn’t. I stumbled.“ You reassured him. „James, you need to put down the gun as well. The avengers aren’t the enemy. We can trust them. I do. I trust them and I think we might need their help.“ And you kissed him. Right in front of anyone. You heard the thump of the gun greeting the ground as James let go of it. 

You broke the kiss and caressed his cheek. But before Bucky could say anything you looked to your right and something you saw made you so scared. You pushed Bucky with all the strength you’ve got, making him stumble a few steps backwards. But that was enough to take his spot. 

Bucky saw the redness on your shirt before he heard the bang of the gun. Steve and Tony screamed „NO!“, but it was already too late. You looked at it and all the color of your face vanished. You started to fall but Bucky caught you, laying you softly on the ground. Soon you lost you consciousness.

Steve used the chaos to get Bucky out of there. „They will help her. But you need to come. It’s not safe for you here.“ 

During that time agent Sharon Carter kept Steve and Bucky informed but Bucky had a really hard time. „She’s still sleeping. You are not missing anything.“ She assured him. 

When you woke up you were greeted by non other than Tony Stark itself. He read a German magazine. „Do you understand what you’re reading or are you just looking at the pictures?“ 

He looked up and grinned. „Really nice pictures. But I also get help with the translating.“ He pointed to his high technology-glasses. 

„How do you feel?“

„Exhausted but okay.“ 

You looked around and you saw James standing in the door frame. „James“ you whispered, reaching out for him. „I’m so relieved that you’re fine.“ Bucky looked at Tony who faintly shook his head indicating that you were still oblivious about the fight in Leipzig and the separation of the avengers. 

„What happened after I passed out?“, you asked

„You mean after you got shot.“, Tony corrected you. 

„Why did you pack?“, you ask James, forgetting the last question you just asked. 

„I’m leaving for Wakanda. They offered me to free me from the mind control and I’m gonna take that chance.“

„Take me with you. I want to be with you. I can’t imagine a life without you. Please, James.“ 

He looked you deep in your eyes. You could see how he’s debating on the inside. „Okay.“ And he kissed you passionately. 

Tony didn’t like that idea at all. „Okay, lovebirds. We better should look for a doctor to sign the release papers and you can rest a bit more.“ He ushered Bucky out of your room and when the door closed he let go of his facade.

„You can’t take her with you. Thats really selfish of you. She’s kid. She can’t throw away her life for you. She is not your psychologist. You know exactly what you are. You’re a murderer. Nothing will ever change that. You’re destroying her life. And you don’t care because after all you will always be the winter soldier. Nothing will change that.“

Bucky looked at Tony like he just got slapped. „I know who and what I am. I will never be good enough for her. Yeah, maybe I’m selfish taking her with me but I can’t imagine a life without her. I love her and I will protect her. I promise.“

„But can you protect her from yourself?“ 

As you packed your belongings James waited outside your room. „You don’t have to go with him. You don’t need to throw your life away. You don’t owe him anything.“, Tony stated. 

„I’m not throwing anything away. He’s my future. He’s anything I’ve ever wanted. Wakanda will be an adventure and I’m ready to take it.“

Tony suppressed all the things he wanted to tell you. He hugs you and said instead. „If he hurts you in anyway, call me. I’ll come and get you.“ He caress your hair and without noticing he took a single hair of you. He needed to know who you were to him. He couldn’t ignore his curiosity anymore. 

Chapter 6

@inlovewith3 @jackiehollanderr @homesicam @dreamydreamerwriting @losers-club6 @gengen64 @agentsofsheilds @crimson-darling @akkinda10 @xemine @bubblegumholland @chipilerendi @iamasimpingh0e @bbmommy0902 @madddiiee26 @teenagedreams-bucky @aya-fay @idontknowwhatthisisfam @w-wolfhxrd @useless-creature-213  @angywritesstuff @supernaturalcat7 @harrys-stan @geek-and-proud

[liv-laugh-die]

||Admiring|| 💖Miya Osamu x Gn!reader

trope: strangers meeting in the park (ik its random bear with me😭)

warnings: its not proofread all the way through (im sorry im tired), so theres probably grammatical errors or typos but other than that none

genre: fluff pretty much just sappy stuff

pairing/s: osamu x gn!reader

wc: about 2.5k

a/n: oh my god idk where i came up with this but i think its cute so :p i hope you enjoy!!

You stared at your blank computer screen, hope of finishing your assignment before its due date at midnight slowly vanishing. 

     The clock on your desk read 11:27pm, the green lines wavering in your vision as your eyes slowly drooped, trying to drag you into the depths of slumber. You wanted to sleep, you really did, but you knew there was no way you could give up writing your essay, even now, knowing you weren’t going to submit it on time, because you would stress too much about it if you didn’t at least try to complete it before the due date. 

     Pushing yourself away from your desk, your chair squeaking against the floor ever so slightly in your dead silent dorm room, you tried to think of some excuse that your professor might believe. You doubted there was anything you could think of, but hey, your professor was better than what your roommates’ had mentioned theirs being, and you were grateful for that. Maybe you could tell him that you were exhausted from working extra hours at your job since you had had to cover your coworker’s shift and that’s why you couldn’t complete your essay on time? Or, maybe you could get away with a simple “I was lacking interest in the material, and couldn’t understand anything, and I didn’t ask for help because I knew that you are such a busy man trying to do so many things at once. Another hopeless near college drop-out wasn’t something I thought you needed on your hands.”

     ....Maybe not the latter.

    You sighed, running a hand through your tangled hair, practically feeling it screaming at you to wash it. You barely had time in the mornings to take showers anymore, and when you took them at night, you never had the strength to wash your hair, always knowing that putting a hat on overtop or throwing on your hoodie would make it seem fine on the outside, and that was good enough for you. As long as you looked at least decent and somewhat presentable.

    Your dorm room was fairly small, like every other one, but the lack of furniture made it seem larger than the rest. Nothing more than you and your roommate’s joint desk, the mini fridge in the corner, and the beds filled the space. You almost tripped over your backpack lying next to the bunk bed pushed up against the wall, falling to what would’ve been inches away from your roommate’s sleeping body.

    In an attempt not to disturb them, you tiptoed through the room, stepping over the occasional heap of clothes or homework, until you reached the bathroom. You fumbled over the door knob before almost tumbling into the small space. Glancing in the mirror, you didn’t fail to notice your messy hair, the dark circles tracing beneath your eyes, or the way you looked like you were seconds away from passing out. The sound of running water rang in your ears as you turned on the sink faucet, cupping your hands together and bringing your face down to meet them, rubbing the cold water all over you in an attempt to keep you awake for just a few moments longer.

     Your eyes returned back to the mirror as you sighed at your dripping wet face. There was no way possible you were going to finish your assignment on time. You knew it, your roommate knew it before they passed out, and you had noticed your professor’s wary glance this morning in class as a sign that he knew it too.

     An idea sprang into your head, part of you dreading the optimism that seemed to seep through your brain slowly. You didn’t feel like being energetic right now.

---an hour later---

You weren’t exactly sure how, when, or why you decided it would be a good idea to take a shower (you did end up washing your hair, thank god), get your things together in your bag, and head to the off-campus coffee shop (since the one on-campus had already closed), but you found yourself with a warm cup of coffee in hand as you exited the shop, the cold midnight air enveloping you in an unwelcome embrace.

     You shivered. The only thing your spontaneous brain had forgotten had to have been your jacket, the one thing your normal brain would’ve remembered if it weren’t already past midnight and if you weren’t majorly sleep-deprived.

     You most certainly weren’t done with your essay yet, nor was there any possible way for you to finish it on time since it was now approximately thirteen minutes past the due time, but you let yourself breathe for now.

     There weren’t many people out at this hour, and it made the usual busy city streets seemed like a ghost town. There were a few restaurants still open as you strolled along the sidewalk, their lights responsible for illuminating more than half the area in front of you. You passed by an onigiri shop your friend had recommended to you, but you just weren’t that hungry. Most nights, you’d kill for a midnight snack, but your single shot of espresso coffee was satisfying your needs for now.

     You decided to head to the park after seeing a rabbit hop its way across the vacant street and into the bushes in that direction. The fresh air was nice and cool against your dry and croaky lungs, and your ears needed a different sound than that of you miserably attempting to touch type quickly, your fingers rapping against the keyboard with vigor.

     A stream nearby flowed softly, the dripping of the water against the rocks complimenting the noise of the crickets chirping in sync just downstream. Your footsteps cut through the grass slowly, not bothering to follow the stone path. The park was a nice change of scenery. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been here by yourself in peace, it was always you and your rambunctious friends who ran through every now and then just to see the dogs running through the sprinklers, or the occasional poor cat whose owner dragged them out into the daylight for exercise. This was peaceful, though, and you appreciated that.

     A few more rabbits crossed your path, giving you that wide-eyed, side glance before darting off into the darkness, outside the reach of the lampposts emitting light. The sound of the stream soon faded out as you continued to walk through the park, sipping your coffee every so often. The warmth from your cup was soon dying out, and you figured you’d have to start walking back to your university sooner or later. Maybe you could crash at your friend’s house who lived just off campus, though you had forgotten your phone back at your dorm and had no alarm, no laptop to complete your work, and no contact with anyone else who might worry where you’d be. You had really no choice but to trek back to your dorm in the darkness, cutting your peaceful visit to the park short.

     You let yourself have a few more minutes of stress free relaxing as you sat down on a bench just before the ground let out into a downhill slope overlooking the rest of the city below. The trees around you swayed in the breeze, and for a moment, you thought it was the wind talking, and not an actual human being who had somehow made his way beside you without gathering your attention.

     “Didn’t think anyone else would be up at this hour,” the stranger mumbled. You glanced up, almost startled that, indeed, someone else was actually awake and strolling through the park.

     The boy couldn’t have been much older than you were, maybe the same age. He had his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, the wind tousled his dark hair ever so slightly, and the moonlight played along, illuminating his face just so you could actually see how gorgeous he was.

     You cleared your throat, averting your eyes back to the ground as you shifted over, creating more space on the bench in case he wanted to sit down beside you. “I decided to actually take care of myself for once and give myself some time to breathe before facing the wrath of my professor tomorrow when he finds out I didn’t turn in my essay on time.” You let out a low, breathy chuckle, not exactly sure of what would happen next.

     The guy sat down on the bench next to you, though he made sure to give you some personal space, which you were grateful for. He laughed along with you a bit, and you could tell just from his tone just how tired he really was.

     You gave him a side glance, raising an eyebrow. “So, what the stressful thing that brought you here in the middle of the night?”

     He smiled half-heartedly, eyes trained on the moon. “Work stuff. Jus’ been busy, I guess.” He shrugged. 

     You waited for him to continue on, but he stayed silent. You didn’t complain, though. Wasn’t your whole reason for coming out here in the dead of the night for some quiet? Plus, it wasn’t awkward either. You were comfortable sitting next to this stranger.

     “What do you do for work?” You waited a little longer than necessary to ask, but he didn’t seem to mind the long pause.

     “I own a restaurant a few blocks away. I love the job, it’s just tiring havin’ to deal with rude customers like my brother who won’t get the hint and get out sometimes. I got into an argument with him earlier today and he just wouldn’t shut it.” He rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets, making eye contact with you as he went on about his day, and you couldn’t help but smile at his passion. “The guy thinks he can just walk in when I’m working with a new employee and just act like he runs the place! Quite stupid if you ask me. Such a jerk, he is. Thinkin’ about just banning him from the place, really.” 

     You snorted. “He really bugs you that much, huh?”

     The guy smirked at your laugh, admiring it, though you would never had guess that was what flashed across his face in a million years. He nodded. “Yeah, ‘course I love ‘im ‘cause he’s my twin and my best friend, but he really knows how to annoy the hell outta me.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just get a sign in the window that says “no shirt, no shoes, no service” and cross it out and write my brother’s name instead,” he reasoned, and the pondering look in his eyes made you wonder if he was actually considering the idea.

     You smiled. “You’re funny.”

     “You say that like ya weren’t expectin’ it.”

     A laugh made its way out your lips. “Well, when you’re approached by a stranger in the middle of the night you sort of expect the worst.”

     The guy glanced off in the distance, away from you, furrowing his eyebrows. “Sorry, didn’t think of that comin’ off that way.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m funny then, and not some creep, eh?”

     You nodded, the smile on your face not fading as he changed topics.

     “So, what’s your essay on? Any way I can help ya finish it?”

     You shook your head dismissively. “Oh, no. It was due thirty minutes ago.” You quickly explained the topic you were writing about in class before getting side tracked. “My professor had said he would allow it to be turned in the next morning, but I doubt he actually meant it.”

     He smiled a wide grin, making butterflies flutter in your stomach. “You go to the university nearby, right?” 

     You nodded in confirmation, raising an eyebrow. “If I’ve got any luck, there’s a chance you go there too?”

     He laughed a little, shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t, sorry. I’ve visited campus a few times because some of my friends go there, but I just usually focus on work.”

     His gaze was tilted upwards towards the sky, and you couldn’t help but admire how the exhaustion still shone in his eyes, but somehow that same passion gleamed there too just mentioning what he did for a living. You wished you were that passionate about something that would actually support you financially in the future and make you happy.

     When he glanced back at you, you were still taking his essence in, and he made a look of confusion. “What?”

    You shook your head, chuckling. “Nothing. I just admire that you can dedicate yourself to something and make it seem so easy.” He looked at you, interested to hear what you had to say, even though you were sure you couldn’t be the first person to tell him this. “I haven’t even known you for more than ten minutes and I can already tell you’re passionate about what you do and if you’re stressed about it, it must mean you’re dedicated to seeing your work through, and that’s more than enough to admire and appreciate, especially when that can be so difficult sometimes.” You finished your short tangent, looking back up at him to see him staring intently at you, seemingly in awe of what you’d just said. You felt a blush creep onto your face as you quickly blurted out, “Sorry- I didn’t mean to be so straightforward and weird like that- I sound like some crazy secret admirer or something...”

     The crickets chirped in the silence between the two of you, and it felt like it would never end.

     “Y’know, I wouldn’t mind havin’ a secret admirer. I mean, wouldn’t be so secret, but...” You saw the smile creep up onto his face. “It’s nice being appreciated. Nobody really tells me that kind o’ stuff, so... thanks, I guess.” 

     The heat on your cheeks didn’t go away by any means, but you grew more comfortable with it as you mumbled, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind admiring you.”

     Now, it was the boy’s turn to blush, and you smiled at how his cheeks grew redder with every passing second, and how his subtle grin spoke a thousand words he didn’t need to say.

     “Miya Osamu.” The boy’s hand came into your view as he extended it for you to shake. “I own Onigiri Miya across from the grocery outlet.”

     You smirked, grasping his hand in yours as you said, “L/N Y/N. I own an official license for being a horrible driver and an ID that proves I’m a sleep-deprived college student and that’s about it.”

     He laughed, shaking your hand and standing up, letting go too soon for your liking.

     Because for some weird reason, his hand felt right in yours.

     Osamu said a quick goodbye, mentioning something about how he should get going and how you should get some sleep before he disappeared down the stone path back into the darkness.

     You stood up not too long after he’d left, your coffee now entirely cold as you plopped the half full cup into the trash can on your walk back to your dorm, not needing the pathetic warmth anymore. Your heart was beating fast and the feeling of Osamu’s hand resting in yours lingered on your palm, and that kept you warm enough.

     Maybe you’d be visiting that onigiri place your friend recommended to you a little sooner than you’d originally planned, and maybe more often than you would’ve expected.

[anakinthetrashking]

Ok, so you reblogged my post about bnha fic recs and I also looked through the ones you linked and I LOVED THEM. If its alright to ask, would you happen to have more Protective Aizawa or possibly Dadmic or Protective Present Mic? Also Protective Midnight or Momnight? Only if you have! Thanks! -bnhastanning

I somehow stupidly lost my reply to this ask, not once, but TWICE. at the end, when i was almost done. im so sorry but this will be the crappiest version yet... (also! hello, fellow batfam fan... *spiderman pointing meme*)

I read a lot of fic and i loooooove sharing them with people, so thanks for giving me an excuse to do this!! :D

lots of fics, so im putting them under the read more! One of these days I’ll get around to making more organized fic rec posts...

Dadmic: only a couple, and tbh i think they have more dadzawa in them?? Secondary Colors by NaoNazo

"You got pushed down the stairs... and you're apologizing for it," he stated blandly. "That seems counterintuitive." "Um... sorry?" Izuku whispered. He was starting to shake a little, adrenaline flooding his veins and leaving him cold. He had no idea what Purple was going for with his blunt statements and the hand reaching toward his shoulder as if to steady him, but apologizing was generally safe. "You don't have to apologize, dude. I don't know your name, but I doubt it's actually Deku." "Um. Midoriya." Izuku peered sideways at Purple as they rounded the corner. "Izuku Midoriya. Deku is just, um, just what my... friends call me." He winced. "Sounds real friendly."

and Cat Days by Griffinrose

Izuku has a shapeshifting quirk. He's not the best at controlling it, especially under stress. So when tragedy strikes and he gets lost in the city, he's stuck as a cat. At least he found a nice underground hero to take him in?

Pied Piper by Blackholeca has some really great concerned Dadmic in recent chapters!!

If they wouldn’t give him a chance then the solution seemed simple, he’d give himself one. He’d force the world to see him, force them to recognize his hard work. He wasn’t missing a quirk, it was simply that everyone else had been given an advantage. He wasn’t broken, or useless, or incapable, and he’d prove it by outrunning all of them, he who was quirkless, he who had started in last.

As for momnight, there are also only a couple, and im also not caught up with these either. i have a little bit more of an excuse with these, as Indefinite by OwlF45 is really REALLY long, as well as intense. Worth the read though! I just gotta catch up! So much mindblowing stuff in that, and the Momnight is really sweet.

It comes with the package deal of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Midoriya gets another chance at life, but he must throw it away when that dreaded day comes. After all, a life for nineteen is more than a fair trade.

Or: the world will rise or fall, and it depends on one boy protecting Class 1-A to prevent the inevitable.

The other Momnight one I have is A Single Reason by TheDeepSeaWitch. Also really good, but really intense and I’ve had to take a break because I was getting a bit depressed, whoops. But I liked it!

Training begins the next day, and doesn’t stop for any reason. They wait for heroes, then for police, then for anyone to save them, but nobody comes.

It’s only a month before Izuku forgets their names. It’s a year before he forgets his own.

It’s only a chance meeting with an impassioned soul eight long, painful years later that saves them.

---------------------------------

They thought they were lost forever, that there was no future out there for them with their scars so visible and the blood on their hands still pungent and red. But if they have the strength to try, then perhaps, one day, they may yet find their forgiveness, and rediscover themselves along the way.

The Reforming Villains AU nobody asked for.

For Dadzawa:

Flare Signal by achievingelsium, of course! Annie writes some of my absolute fav dadzawa content, so definitely check it out!!

AU. Midoriya Izuku shouldn't be surprised he ended up like this: hiding the secret of One for All from his own father, the notorious villain Dragon. The path to being a hero is a hard one.

Or; Izuku is an aspiring hero forced to work for his father’s villain organization. Then he runs into All Might.

Izuku Ya’broker by Dreamillusions, is a fic i loved a LOT.

Perhaps you should actually listen to the news every once in a while, so you wouldn't end up in these kinds of situations. What kinds of situations? Glad you asked. Look at Izuku, for example. You would think Izuku would be at home after school, safe and sound from anyone attempting to, you know, kill him. But no, Izuku decided to roam around. Because of a bet. This is the kind of a situation you shouldn't end up in. Don't be Izuku.

Butterfly by aconstantstateofbladerunner, is rightfully popular! It has some horror/suspense themes though, so if thats not your style, try one of Blade’s other fics!! She’s a seriously good writer.

The first over-night trip off campus since the training camp was supposed to be a fun break from more intense work back home.  But between a bleak introduction to chaos theory, a chilly reception from the locals, and the looming threat of a villain attack, Izuku has too much on his mind to properly enjoy the fresh air.  But those worries are a light breeze compared to the hurricane that accompanies what he finds on the outskirts of town.

Or rather, what finds him.

A House Divided Against Itself by BeyondTheClouds777, another one of my fav fics by a great writer!

"Become a villain," they said.

“I’ll be a villain,” he said.

He lied. He’s only there so he can tear apart the League of Villains from the inside out.

The scars we carry by Banana_Ink is a great AU with plenty of Dadzawa

Aizawa rescued Izuku from the league of villains and takes care of the child for now. Izuku has two quirks in this AU, one natural - Forced Quirk Activation - and one that AFO 'gifted' him with - Self-Heal. He has a pretty big handprint-scar on his face and started as a problem child, scared and wary of people. But Aizawa managed to help him slowly heal.

This AU is just some silly little thing I came up in my freetime and like to add to it as I go, so I don't have a plan at all. Mostly I write for fun so I hope you might enjoy this as well :D

Ticked Off by Xenolis is a fic that I just want to rec all the time,,, for some reason...

~ ON HIATUS/OCCASIONAL UPDATES ~ Midoriya Izuku attracted trouble. It was just a fact of life – the sky was blue, the grass was green, and Izuku constantly found himself in an absurd number of deadly situations. He was okay with that. Mortal peril was an average Tuesday afternoon for a Pro Hero like him. Being kidnapped was practically a holiday. Saving civilians as a building collapsed around him was easier than facing his worried mum afterwards. He had dealt with All Might's disappointed dad stare and only cried for two hours afterwards. A serial killing villain with an unknown Quirk would be no problem! ..but even Izuku had to admit that being sent back in time to his first day at UA wasn't on the agenda. Still, there was no-one more spitefully determined than him – he was going to make the most of it. Yeah, good luck, heroes and villains alike! Deku was here to cause mischief and love his friends!

Toward A Bright Future by LazyRainDancer holds a special, soft place in my heart. I always want to go reread it after watching the show and I always want to rewatch the show after reading it. it never ends

You wake up at UA, the highest ranked hero school in the country, with no recollection of how you got there. Unfortunately, those aren't the only memories you're missing. Still, you can't let a little amnesia get in the way of you warning the school about the attack you know will happen during Class 1-A's field trip to the USJ. After you deliver your warning, you're beyond shocked when the principal offers you a position as a TA for Class 1-A. You accept the position in hopes that you'll be able to use your Quirk to help protect the students. It'll be far from easy, but you're determined to do whatever it takes to change the students' future for the better.

The rest don’t really have Dadzawa? But theyre really good so I had to rec them anyway

once forgotten, twice removed by blueh, good writer for multiple fandoms

“Yes,” All for One agreed. “This will be the final resting place of All Might.” “You,” Midoriya Izuku said and paused, thinking over the words. He sounded taken aback. “You want me to help fight All Might.” “Of course,” All for One nodded along. “I can offer you double of whatever my counterpart is paying you currently, along with anything your little heart could desire. Of course, you would get to help out drastically—" “Did you happen to check what world you were pulling me out of when you did this?” Midoriya Izuku interrupted and it was said in such an incredulous tone that had the situation not been as critical as it was, All Might would have laughed. Also known as: number one hero Deku has been through a lot of things, but being thrust into an alternate reality where he’s All for One’s Successor is a first.  He has to navigate this world when his alternate self is a villain dead-set on killing him and all of this version of class 1-A. All the while, his friends search desperately for a way to get him back.

Office Space by Caelismylife quirkless izuku gets a job at UA analyzing quirks, HECK YES

It took a little time, but he eventually found himself with a job at UA. The revolving door of heroes was not in the contract.

To Repair with Gold by TitleUnwanted FEEEEELS

AU. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, biggest lie in the world. Tattoos, which appeared when quirks did, are when a person feels an impact on something they are told and it becomes inked on their body, the closer they show to your heart the deeper the impact it has on the person.

For Izuku this is a blessing and a curse.

An Accident at Workstudy by Galactic_Jax been enjoying this one!

Izuku is working hard to prove himself at his work study, but it's hard when Sir Nighteye has made it clear he's not wanted. But what happens when Izuku is caught in a villain attack on his way to the agency? Will a few revelations about his most recent intern's past be enough for Sir Nighteye to change his mind about All Might's successor?

Nice to Meet You? by Allwalkfree didn’t know i needed this until i read it           

Kirishima introduces Bakugou to his favorite senpai. In which over several encounters Bakugou and Amajiki learn to become tentative friends.

A Study in Firsts by Oceanbreeze7 dorm shenanigans AND feels

There’s a first time for everything. The first time everyone crammed in Momo’s room to study, a mess of limbs and books on her bed. The first time Mina burned crepes so badly the smoke alarm went off. The first time a jumpscare got Sero so badly, he flipped off the back of the couch. The first time Uraraka fell asleep at the table and accidentally sent it floating. The first time someone realized Todoroki walked far too quietly, and far too cautiously around the dorms to be normal. The first time Midoriya broke his toe on a door frame and kept walking through it. The first time Kirishima woke up screaming through the walls. The first time Tsuyu blanched at the sight of a needle. The first time Bakugo dropped, clutching the back of his neck with eyes scarily vacant and detonating everything around him until Aizawa had to intervene. It wasn’t always pretty, but the dorms were filled with firsts.

Hero Class Civil Warfare by Roguedruid extremely satisfying to read

Heroes lead by Bakugo. Villains lead by Midoriya. Seven days prep time. Three days for Izuku Midoriya to show why they should be glad he's not a real villain.

A Fleeting Smile by AnonymousTwit good bakugou content

Or a collection of fifteen Bakusquad one shots where someone outside of the Bakusquad catches a rare glimpse of a friendlier side of Bakugou Katsuki, and one time that is specifically reserved for the four people that he hates the least.

Hope this gives you something to work with!!! I have more(and am always adding) in my bookmarks on AO3, but this should be a good start! Hopefully you’ll find at least one that you love! have a great day!!!! -Ani <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[foolishlovebugbaby]

untitled

Summary: when it comes to you, seo changbin will say everything else but those three little words to get his message across- but you’re not complaining.

warnings: kissing

word count: 3.5k

note: it’s 4am, im sick and disoriented from all the paracetamol running through my veins, and I managed to conjure up this very spontaneous and soft and delirious piece because thinking about whipped!changbin makes me all fuzzy. the goal is to get you all fuzzy too- enjoy :) leave a like/reblog/comment so i know whether yall like these kinds of pieces <3

Changbin loves spontaneous food rendezvous at ungodly hours of the night (or, to be precise, morning), which is exactly why you try to remember to keep your phone off whenever you sleep, otherwise you’d be woken from your slumber by a persistent and whiny voice begging you to get tteokbokki and mango juice from the 7-eleven on the other side of town.

That was, in fact, your current predicament because unfortunately for you, Changbin remembers the number to your landline to a T. “Pleasssseee? My treat, and I promise to help you with mechanics afterwards.” He can practically see your annoyed expression behind his eyelids as he peeks at your window from his parked car in front of your driveway. He knows that you desperately need help in mechanics, a subject he prides himself on being unexpectedly good at, and that you won’t be able to resist a tutoring session right before mid-terms. Manipulative, but in an I-just-want-to-see-you-when-are-you-going-to-take-the-hint way.

“I’m suing 7-eleven for their 24/7 policy on the grounds of sleep disruption,” Your sleepy voice softly seethes on the other end and he smiles. “So is that a yes?” He hears shuffling and quiet groans and a fuck, that hurt, before he sees the curtains to your windows open and a very sleepy, angry and disheveled you throwing the middle finger at him. “It’s a fuck you.” He grins. “Take your time, I’ll be here patiently waiting.” He teases and he sees you hang up the phone and stick your tongue out. 

He smiles to himself, already turning the heater on in his car because he knows you’ll complain about it being too cold. He’s done this thousands of times, yet each time you protest he can’t help but find it more and more endearing- your cute whine and messy bed hair and the way you snuggle up in his car seat when you ultimately decide to just come down and get it over with warms his heart like no other. 

Thousands of years from now, when social scientists research teen slang from the 2010’s and they stumble upon the word whipped, Seo Changbin would be the prime study example because dear lord is that boy whipped for you. 

“At this rate i’m convinced you just want to fatten me up and pull some Hansel and Gretel shit come winter,” You get into the passenger seat and put on your seatbelt in all your oversized sweater and sweatpants glory, and Changbin can’t help but wish he was the one keeping you warm. But he supposes his varsity sweatshirt that you wear over your tiny frame would suffice for now. 

“You and your irresponsible ass has barely been eating for the entirety of this exam season,” He pulls out of your driveway and heads towards the main road. “If anything, you should be thanking me for looking after you.” He smiles teasingly at your displeased, sulking face, and he wants to stare longer to admire your cute sleepy features and small frame curled up in his passenger seat but he’d rather not get into a car accident because he knows you’d kill him if the two of you died in a car crash. 

“You’re also the root cause of my sleep irregularities, so thank you very much.” You smile sarcastically at him, and he’d return one right back if it weren’t for the fact that he felt bad about waking you up in the middle of the night. “Is it my fault that I just want to see more of you since school’s been holding you hostage and away from me?” He pouts and sends a puppy eyed look your way, and you huff. “You know you can come over anytime during the week,” You mumble, even though you understand his sentiment. 

It was your last year of highschool and soon enough, the both of you would be whisked away into completely different lives. Time was withering away right before you- heck, you swore you just blinked and autumn was already all around you. It didn’t help that your senior year schedule was practically designed by satan to keep the two of you away from each other. But, as the saying goes, if there’s a will there’s a way, and Changbin’s got the will of a thousand spartans.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to distract you from your study time or steal you away from your family during weekends. So now my nights are reserved for you and only you.” He says pointedly as the car nears the 7-eleven too well-lit for its own good. He doesn’t notice the fact that you bite your lip bashfully at his words. 

“You? Distract me? In your wildest dreams.” You huff, lying through your teeth, and he immediately thinks In my wildest dreams indeed. The amount of times he’s daydreamed about kissing up your neck as you whined about needing to solve a Chemistry question before ultimately being unable to resist the urge to sit on his lap and kiss the life out of him is too many to count, and he coughs the thought away as soon as it comes. “We’re here.”

He pulls up in front of the store, turning the engine off and taking his keys out of the ignition. “Do I have to go inside?” You whine, reclining further into his red pleather seats and snuggling into the Totoro pillow you purposely left in his car for nights like this. He wants to say no, that you and your adorable ass can stay in the car so long as you’re snuggled up next to him while the radio sings in the background, but he’s a coward that’s not ready to have that conversation.

“Yes, now get out of my car before I lock you inside.” You pout and force yourself out of his car.

“So, is it a tteokbokki or steamed buns kind of night?” He quips from beside you as you two walk towards the doors. It’s bloody freezing outside, and Changbin notices you shoving your hands deep into your pockets as you walk a little closer too him. He wants to hold your hands, but his own reroute themselves and open the doors for you instead. “M’lady,” He says and flashes a smile. You roll your eyes at his cheekiness.

Your eyes sparkle under the bright fluorescent white lights inside the store, “It’s a hot chocolate kinda night,” You rush over to the hot drink dispenser and he chuckles at your sheer cuteness. The cashier is half asleep when he greets Changbin, eyes half-lidded and barely standing up behind the counter, and Changbin sends him a small wave.

“Someone’s tired,” He says, pointing out the obvious. “No kidding. You kids are my only customers at this hour.” The cashier manages to get out as he yawns. “Knock yourself out,” He waves sleepily. 

Changbin makes his way for the ‘instant’ aisle, trying to find his beloved spicy tteokbokki pack and some string cheese to satiate his cravings. He crouches down when he spots his favorite brand, ‘Hm, do I want it more saucy or more dry tonight? Decisions decisions…” He thinks to himself. When he finally settles on the less saucy version (of course, because practicality, duh), he sees you emerge from his peripheral vision.

“Got what I need,” You say, left hand carrying your hot chocolate while your arms hold a bag of gummy bears, a carton of mango juice, and a bottle of water while you smile sheepishly at him. His heart is screaming at how cute you look, but his face is mocking you. 

“What was that again about not wanting anything from the store?” He says smugly, and you make a face at him. “Oh hush, you’re paying for it so I thought, why not?” You defend and he laughs, making his way towards you. “Sure.” He teases.

 You stick his tongue out at him and he puts a hand on your shoulder, turning you towards the cashier. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.” 

You two pay for your late-night grabs- well, he pays for everything and you pay with a bright grin and a side hug and a pat on his back (but he’s not complaining)- and he makes his tteokbokki bowl at the designated station before you two walk towards the street bench on the other side of the road. 

“Want some?” He offers cutely, cheeks filled with rice cakes as you swing your bag full of goodies back and forth. “I think I’ll pass,” You say with a smile, your eyes bashfully looking away at his sheer cuteness. You cover up your embarrassment with a sip of steaming chocolate.

“More for me,” He shrugs and you both plant yourselves on the bench. 

The trees shroud around above you both as you overlook the canal, the city completely dark before you. The street lamps are dim and no cars pass on the road behind you, but the pair of you wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s soothing and Changbin wouldn’t trade these moments with you for the world. 

In a flash, he finishes his tteokbokki. “You practically inhaled that.” You say amusedly as he chucks the bowl in the trashcan next to him. “I’m a growing boy, sue me.” He says as he grabs the water bottle in your bag. “May I?” 

“It’s yours, stupid. You always forget to buy one and I always have to pick it up for you,” He smiles at that. “Aw, how cute of you.” He takes a swig and notices your ears turn pink at his comment. “What would you do without me?” You say as a joke but he’s completely serious when he says “I have no idea.” 

You breathe out a chuckle. “Sometimes I wonder how different things will be once we both get out of this town.” Changbin sighs wistfully at that and reclines further into the bench, not liking the idea of leaving at all. 

“Well, I’d like to think that we’d still facetime 24/7, obviously, and I’ll take a drive to your dorm once a week at times like this for a local food trip around your campus town.” His says as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, though his mind runs a mile a minute at the thought of losing you because of distance. He looks into your puppy-dog eyes, and he swears the entire cosmos resides in them.

“Promise?” You stick out your pinky and he intertwines his. “Promise.” 

“Good, because I won’t be able to live without you,” His gut flips at your comment, and you chug down the rest of your hot coco. 

“God, it’s fucking freezing.” You shiver when a gust of wind blows past you. On a chilly November night with absolutely no one around to cringe at his actions, Changbin happily decides to prove to you that chivalry is, in fact, not dead. “You should’ve worn an extra layer, silly.” He takes off his black zip-up hoodie and places it over your shoulders, running his hands over your arms to warm you up. “Better?” He keeps his arm firmly planted around your shoulders, and his face is so close to yours that he can see all your tiny, minuscule freckles in dim lighting. Never mind the fact that he was lowkey freezing in his plain black long-sleeve; he figures holding you close to keep you warm was worth the hypothermia. 

He sees crimson spread across your cheeks like a wildfire, “M-much,” You mumble silently. Maybe it was the fact that your eyes twinkled up at him in the moonlight, or the fact that your face was so close to his he could almost kiss you, but Changbin’s heart starts palpitating and skipping beats all at once as he thinks to himself, god, i’m in love with you. Ofcourse, he doesn’t say this out loud. But in another world where he isn’t a coward and timing was on his side, he likes to think that he wouldn’t let you forget it. 

He doesn’t know that butterflies swarm your insides and that you think to yourself, I think I’m in love, and that the combination of his intoxicating scent and the way he looks at you as if you were his entire world makes you woozy and weak in the knees. It’s frustrating, really, how two people could be so silently in love with each other and not say a thing. 

But tonight was the Night of Nights, and before he knew it, Changbin began leaning closer to you. He doesn’t know what’s taken over him, but he doesn’t do anything to stop it. Because there you were, the girl of his dreams a mere inch away from his lips looking as beautiful as ever, about to be whisked away from him in a few months. Screw it. 

His eyes are half-lidded as they flicker between your eyes and lips, and yours mimic his. It’s so agonisingly slow, but the moment he feels your lips on his, all his worries melt away. Your lips are cold but impossibly soft against his own, and it makes his body erupt in tingles all around. Something cheesy like fireworks, but maybe a grenade going off would better describe how his insides feel.

He doesn’t want the moment to end, but you pull away slowly and rest your forehead on his, eyes shut and teeth clamped on your bottom lip. 

You don’t know why you pull back, and you immediately miss the feeling of his lips on your own, but Changbin assumes the worst. Fuck, maybe that was uncalled for, his heart sinks to the ground and he nervously chews down on his lip. “Let’s get you home,” He says dejectedly, pulling his forehead away from yours and your sorry eyes meet his. He retracts his arm around your shoulders and stands up, wanting nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole, and you follow him silently to the car. 

The drive back is anything but comfortable- the air between the pair of you is stiff and and suffocating and every synonym for awkward and you wonder why the hell you pulled away because you know your heart wanted to remain on that roadside bench, kissing him until the sun rose. But you’re stupid, so instead you sit in his car while he silently drives you back home, and every passing minute is another minute away from his lips. 

Wordlessly, Changbin pulls into your driveway and his heart sinks down further to the earth’s core. “Sorry for tonight.” His voice is barely above a whisper and his eyes refuse to look at you, which breaks your heart. You want to ramble and say that it’s a misunderstanding, that you have so many bloody feelings for him, but the words get caught in your throat. 

“Changbin?” Is all you manage to get out. He still doesn’t look at you, not because he hates you but because he hates himself for acting on his feelings, and instead looks at his lap. Words weren’t going to get you anywhere, you decide, and you suck in a breath. You reach over and grab his face. Here goes nothing. 

You kiss him this time, a lot more harder than before, and Changbin swears he’s dreaming. Like, he’s waiting for pigs to fly around in the background and for The Walters to appear in your driveway singing ‘She’s Going to Leave You’ because he can’t fathom a world in which you like him back. But none of those things happen, and you’re still kissing him with so much passion and certainty that he figures even if it were a dream, he’ll take it. 

His lips move in sync against your own and makes sure that everything he’s ever held back is poured into this moment. The kiss earlier was in the spur of the moment, but this- this is completely intentional. Maybe that’s why you pulled away. The thought of a kiss between you both simply being just that- a kiss and nothing more. That in the morning neither of you would acknowledge it ever happening. You needed some type of confirmation that things were real; thank the stars you got what you were looking for. 

His hands rest on top of yours and he brings you closer, needing more of you and your touch. But the compartment in between you both is a literal cockblock and he wants to rip it out just so he take you into his arms completely. He’s delirious, and he blames you. 

“Want to come in? It’s a lot warmer in my room,” You say through soft breaths, the wind completely knocked out of your chest and Changbin places soft pecks from the corner of your mouth to your chin. “I don’t mind.” 

It doesn’t take much for either of you to get out of his car and for him to lock it behind you. His adrenaline is rushing and he just wants to hold you and kiss you again, but goddammit, you’re fumbling with your keys not knowing which one is which thanks to the absence of lighting on your front porch- it doesn’t help that he’s decided to plant his hands firmly on your waist as he lightly kisses down the nape of your neck. Fuck you, Seo Changbin. 

The door finally opens after what feels like an eternity, and you make it a point to turn around and shush him. “My parents are asleep,” You look at him with alarmed eyes and he raises his hands up. “I can be quiet, but no promises.” The nuance in his statement makes you blush and he sends a cheeky wink your way. You’re mid eye-roll when he grabs your wrist and heads towards your staircase. 

You’re both clumsy and haphazard as you walk up the stairs, almost tripping and Fuck, I stubbed my pinky toe, but you both fortunately make it up to your room in one piece. Changbin’s heart is beating so fast that he’s genuinely worried you’ll feel it against your palms when you place them over his chest- and you do, by the way- but you’re leaving sweet kisses against his neck that the prospect of dying from cardiac arrest doesn’t scare him because atleast he’ll die happy. 

“So, mechanics later?” He says panting, forehead against yours as he has you between him and your door, thumbs rubbing circles against your waist underneath his sweatshirt and jacket. “Totally,” You tiptoe and kiss him again. 

You taste so sweet against his lips, and at first he thinks it’s the lingering taste of hot chocolate, but he’s come to the conclusion that it’s just because it’s you. His adoring, sweet girl that he takes on midnight food runs because he’s afraid of missing her. The girl that can make his gut flip and mind scramble with a smile. It’s cheesy, and you’re slightly lactose intolerant, but it’s the entire goddamn truth. 

His jacket suddenly claims domain on your floor and you both kick off your sneakers, never pulling away from each other, and suddenly your bed feels a little warmer than last night. He kisses down your neck, something he’s always wanted to do, and you run your hands through his hair. Insane isn’t enough of a word to describe the way he’s feeling, but the search for a word that can encompass all his rampant thoughts would have to wait. 

“You’re the best part about my day,” He whispers into your neck, and you sigh with closed eyes at the feeling. You bite back a smile “I know,” 

“I know? I know-?” He pulls back, half-joking and half-serious, and you’re giggle while you run your hands over his torso. “Yes, I know,” You leave a kiss on his jaw, “And you’re my favorite part of the night,” He’s obviously the favorite part of your entire life, but that statement would have to do for now. He nods his head, “I’ll take it.” and goes back to kissing you. 

Those three daunting words stuck in his throat- and, frankly, yours- make themselves out of his mouth in different ways because perhaps saying them verbatim would shake his entire world, and he’s not sure why he’s scared because he knows you’d say them back. So instead, through voices barely above a whisper and warm hands running along your body, he tries to show you what those three words really mean to him. He’s sleepy and delirious and he’s honestly convinced he’s dreaming, but it’s the greatest thing to ever happen to him. You are the greatest thing to ever happen to him. You both could come up with a title some other time, he concludes, because kissing you is of the utmost priority to him at 2AM. 

Labels were overrated, anyway.

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Kun

*tw: there is a lot of mention of alcohol in this one   find college!nct (here) + hs!au dream (here)

major: aviation engineering 

minor: n/a

sports: almost took a yoga class once, does that count? 

clubs: was part of cooking club which shocked just about everyone - especially the culinary majors because why was an engineering major cooking better than them - people who actually wanted to be chefs so unfortunately he got banned,,,,,,,joined photography club instead 

on the outside, kun is probably the most unremarkable college student on campus

he attends his classes, does his work, hangs out with his friends, and never really causes any kind of drama or ruckus 

in a lot of ways he just ,,,,,,, sort of exists

and people only take notice when he’s in the background of things - like that time his roommate lucas broke the shared showers

and lucas, sopping wet in just his towel, was explaining to campus police that he “didnt break anything” the water just magically started overflowing

and kun had to step in, handing lucas a much needed pair of pants and tell the officer that the drains had been busted for weeks. it was only a matter of time till this happened 

or when mark confessed he really had no idea how to write a resume and kun was like

“here, take my word document template including a bunch of fake things i embellished about you, but not really because you are a great person!”

mark with tears in his eyes: th-thanks bro

basically, kun is the unsung hero of his friends

he’s always got their back - and he’s always there to support him

but he’s never like in the limelight 

on the outside only of course

the reality is, kun works outside of taking classes. 

to everyone on campus it’s a night shift stocking a local store in the college town downtown

but in reality, kun works as a bartender 

when he was a freshmen, he had found a online video of a bartender mixing drinks - but adding a magical flare to it

whether it was setting the drinks on fire

building pyramids out of glasses

or pouring drinks that swirled around and changed color

the video had fascinated kun, and he decided to see if he’d be any good at the job

turns out - he was

he had always liked being in the kitchen, working with food - working with drinks was pretty similar

each had its home ingredients, and each took its time to prepare

and with his job at the bar - he could be somebody else

he wasn’t just the college kid in the background

he could entertain, he could laugh, he could have fun and stop cleaning up his friends problems 

instead he could make other young strangers happy with his drinks and his magic

the only problem was this kun,,,,,,,,,,was far removed from regular kun

and keeping the secret did make kun feel bad

from his friends to his fellow engineering peers

everyone just thought “oh he’s going to his job at the store! he’ll probably study there and get into no trouble - it’ll be bland!”

when in reality he was doing just the opposite 

but at the same time,,,,kun felt like there was no way to connect the two. no one would believe he had this other,,,,,vibrant side

plus - he was juggling school and this job pretty well

his dream had always been to fly and fix planes when he was older 

so he took up engineering 

it came naturally and unlike a lot of people he did enjoy studying 

but there was time for geeking out about plane parts in his classes

but also still putting on his bartenders vest and striking smile for his nightime shifts

to everyone around him, kun was always there to be that encouraging buddy

that person who had the answers when you needed them 

because he himself never got into trouble 

ten would always clap kun on the back and go, “you need to party more! let loose! but not too loose - remember what happened to johnny last saturday?”

and kun would just laugh and agree

all the while thinking that his friends just didn’t know 

the closest anyone ever came to suspecting was when kun had a menu pulled up on his laptop of new drinks from the bar

and taeyong had went “what’s that?”

kun had broken into a cold sweat, trying to think up an excuse 

only to sigh of relief when taeyong switched the tab aimlessly to a youtube video kun had been watching about pilot safety tips

you ,,,,,, only knew kun as the bartender from your favorite place to drink after a tough test or a shitty day on campus

that’s because you went to college in the part of the city that kun worked in

so to you - kun was an enigma 

he was the striking smile and the crazy magic tricks 

and the smooth talking, sociable bartender who every person literally fell in love with for their first hour at the bar

you didn’t know about the kun who was quiet and plain

and to be honest, if someone told you kun was the last person to be noticed at his campus

you’d think they were lying - or being plain rude

because no matter how many times you’d been to the bar, no matter how many other boys have been around you

have talked to you

tried to wind you out from your bad mood

the only person who ever made you feel better, aside from the drink in your hand was kun

and to be honest you didn’t even go there to drink anymore 

you went there for the small talk with kun

even five minutes of just college kid banter with him was enough to make you forget your shitty professors and your three essays all due in the same week

but,,,,,,,,you’re pretty sure it’s the same for everyone else

kun’s job means he has to be nice to you

he has to be charming, inviting, and ever so handsome 

that warm feeling you get in the pit of your stomach whenever he smiles or his hand brushes against yours

you’re sure he’s got that spell cast over everybody

afterall - how could anyone ignore someone like kun?

and what makes it all worse is the fact that your little fascination with him absolutely grows into a crush

when you’re seated at the bar, looking at the beer you ordered - thinking about how intro to nuclear biology turned out to be the WORSE choice for an elective

when someone slides in to the seat beside you

smug look on their face and all

“how are you doing tonight? you’re far too gorgeous to be looking so gloomy.”

the pick up line makes you almost roll your eyes

but you look up at the person and shake your head instead

“i like being gloomy, college was made for that.”

instead of warning them off - the person seems to think your sarcasm is an invite to stay and chat

then they think its an invite to order you a drink

even when you tell them your bottle is half full

kun comes over when the stranger waves their hand

he looks picturesque in his little satin vest, the bow-tie and big glimmering eyes

“a drink for this beautiful angel to my left~”

the say and you reach out before kun can turn around

“i,,,,,dont want it. thank you.”

kun’s expression doesn’t falter, he just nods and glides his way over to another customer 

for a second,,,,you feel a little bit hurt

when you’d stopped him - you were hoping kun would read the pleading look in your eye

begging to somehow be saved from the awkward advances of a total random straner

but kun had a job to do, it’s not like he was going to be the knight in shining armor you wished he would be

“why’d you say no to a free drink?”

you look up at the stranger

“i know why you’re buying it for me, and im flattered - but im not interested.”

the once cheap kindness on their face twists into hurt pride

suddenly you’re not just annoyed,,,you’re a little worried as they lean in closer 

but before they can whisper whatever it is that they’re thinking they pull back 

yelping in pain, they look over to where a smiling kun on the otherside of the bar

has slammed a glass hard onto their hand

“ow! why they fuck did you put that shit on my hand!” 

the stranger winces, pulling his red hand up to his chest protectively as kun lifts up the glass

kun’s smile never even changes

but his eyes are darker than usual, sparking with some kind of emotion you’ve never seen from him

“oh, oops. i must have not seen your hand. you should go to the bathroom and ice that.”

the stranger grumbles, throws some more curses you and kun’s way and then disappears into the crowd

you turn and kun tilts his head as you stare at him in shock

“you - you didn’t have to do th-”

kun shrugs

“what? it was a genuine mistake.”

but he winks an then goes back to taking orders

and you sit there, feeling the warmth in your stomach that you usually get around kun turn into a blossoming blush on the insides of your heart

it’s that incident that makes you fall head over heels

you think it’s a little juvenile, in love with the handsome bartender

but you’re in college you’re allowed to be a little juvenile - after all these are the last four years till you’re living in the adult world 

but even still - you know kun just sees you as another regular 

another college student with your woes, and you’re sure he has some of his own

you daydream that he must be some kind of cool major like music or philosophy 

or something prestigious like pre-law or pre-med

how he must walk around on campus with an entire entourage of smitten students wanting him to notice them

how he probably dresses super stylish 

how everyone only looks at him and is super duper jealous or in love - 

that must be how kun is like at school

because that’s what he’s like here 

can you imagine the shock when you end up on kun’s college campus - visiting with your club to give a presentation in the science dept

only to see kun

wearing plain black pants,,,,a button up flannel,,,,,a messenger bag you’re sure he’s had since middle school

and glasses

sitting in the corner of the quad - quietly 

reading an,,,,,,,engineering textbook

surrounded by absolutely no one

passed by like he,,,,like he isn’t even there

you nearly triple take just to make sure it’s really really him

and one of your club members jokingly tells you to stop or you’ll swivel your head right off 

i mean there’s no way right,,,there’s no way the bartender i know,,,,,is that boy sitting over there? so,,,,so unnoticeable,,,

after you leave - the only thing in your head is the image of kun hunched over his book like that 

you keep trying to figure out an explanation 

and as you’re sitting in your room you just think - why am i broading about it? i should just ask him.

the thought makes your heart stop,,,,but you decide that if anything ,,,, this all makes kun more approachable 

more attainable 

but you shake that thought off and when you find yourself on a friday evening at the bar again

watching kun pour shots that turn from a clear white into a misty, fragrant pink 

you wonder how someone can just do a 180 and become someone completely new

you’re jealous - it must be a talent

kun’s shift comes to an end at three

and even though you think it’s a little corny that you waited - even a little creepy actually

you just can’t help but want to know 

and when kun sees you, he doesn’t seem at all concerned or annoyed

instead he smiles and waves

“it’s so late, it’s dangerous going home now.”

he warns and you feel your stomach do a flip

his first sentence out of his mouth isn’t why are you here? what do you want? it’s the need to show worry and empathy,,,,like is he seriously just the best person on earth?

you smile weakly, “kun - can i ask you something?”

he nods slowly, looking at you with what seems the most pure gaze in the world

“i,,i saw you - a couple of days ago. you were reading a engineering  textbook. is that your major?”

everything seems to drain right out of kun’s face

his smile vanishes like melting wax off a candle

and you instantly feel like this is it - that you could die of embarrassment and shame in this moment

when in a quiet voice he goes , “yes”

you don’t know what else to say - so you blurt out what you’re thinking

“do you not like it? you sound so sad,,,,,”

kun pulls suddenly at the bow-tie around his neck 

“i like it alot. it’s just,,,,” 

he stares dejectedly at the ground in the darkness of the night

“it’s just it doesn’t fit who i am here - right? it’s boring.”

you gape, unsure of what he really means

“you know me as the bartender here, as the happy and outgoing magician of drinks or whatever but in reality,,,that’s an illusion”

he shrugs

“im very plain. i like engineering. i like planes. and i dont really like to stand out. isn’t that funny?”

before your mind can tell you to pause, you reach out and grab kun’s cold hand

his wide eyes meet yours as you shake your head

“it’s not funny, and it’s not an illusion. this job is one part of you - but the other part of you is too. engineering is so interesting, it’s unexpected - but it’s cool and one day i would really like if you -”

your voice trembles - you’ve never really confessed to anyone before this

“i would really like if you told me more about it!”

kun doesn’t say anything for a bit 

so much so that you panic, letting go of his hand and whispering a feeble apology

but then he steps closer to you 

and you don’t know what he’s going to do next until he puts his hand slightly over your head

confused, you look up - noticing finally that it has started to rain

and kun is shielding you from it 

“im fine you don’t ha-”

“it’s late, it’s raining, the right thing is to make sure you stay dry and take you home.”

you feel your entire body burn up in a blaze when kun says that 

and you feel even more hot when he pulls you gently into his side as you walk down the street, you nervously giving him directions to your dorm

and when you finaly get there 

the RA simply looks up from her phone with a shrug

and you turn to thank kun again

“i dont work wednesdays. would that be an ok day for you?”

he says and you blink

“wh-what do you mean?”

he grins, “you said you wanted me to tell you more, could i take you out on wednesday?”

you do meet kun that following wednesday 

you sit in an obscure little cafe for lunch as kun pulls his textbook out of that beat up old messenger back 

and opens it up to a page of a diagram and tells you

“it may bore you, but this is my favorite model for planes. there’s a lot of technical stuff, but it’s my fathers favorite too.”

you know kun is keeping everything short - always limiting himself from saying to much

in some weird way you can feel that he thinks he’ll only annoy you with it

but you lean in, holding your cup of tea excitedly with both hands and urge him with a smile to never skip over the technical stuff - you want to know everything

and kun isn’t used to all this attention on him

the suave and experienced bartender playboy you thought he was is nothing close to the reality

he still plays little magic tricks

pulling coins from behind your ear and making a napkin on the table float

but they’re nothing flashy, they’re nothing crazy

they’re,,,,,,,more natural - just like kun

and it’s the little things that you learn about him that make you realize that you might have had a crush on bartender kun

but you could really fall in love with the real kun

the way he moves so he walks closest to the road when he’s with you

how he puts your hand in his pocket as you’re on the way back and the ac in the bus is a little too high

how he swiftly catches the side of your hip when you almost trip on the stairs 

and how he does it all without even thinking about it

helping and taking care of others is so,,,,,,,,in kun’s nature 

and he does it without any expectation of recognition or praise 

he’s the real definition of humbleness

so much so that 

when you stare at him, eyes flicking between his lips - up and down for nearly a minute straight on your third little date

he has to ask, literal permission

“is it ok if i kiss you?”

“i thought the staring at your lips would give away the answer to that one.”

for a while you still cant believe you’re actually dating kun 

but you start to put together that you’re not dating the kun you daydreamed about 

although you still think he’s literally irresistible in his bartender uniform

and he looks more than charming at his night time job still

you’re dating the slightly wallflower-ish kun who much more than ever makes your heart dance and not just your stomach feel warm

but every last part of your being 

you’ll still drop by, watch him do his job perfectly, watch everyone in the room fall in love just like you did

but kun never takes it beyond the bar

the only person whose hand he holds, the only person who he calls his wonder in his native min, the only person who gets to see him shed off all this dazzle and become comfortable 

is you

and kun tells you that he remembers watching you get hit on by that stranger whose hand he almost nailed to the bar top 

and how he’d sensed from the beginning that something was off and if he’d been more daring he would have dragged the dude out the door himself

which surprises you because,,,,,you thought that that moment was just kun being kun

that he’d done it for millions of other people in unwarranted situations and although kun admits that he’s casually saved a couple of people from awkward converstion

you had been the first person he,,,,,,had slammed a glass down on someones hand for 

“no one else has ever really evoked that out of me,,” he says one afternoon as you’re sitting between him and a pile of books he’s dragged out of the library

you giggle and kun looks at you all cute and confused

while you tell him that it’s nothing, he’s just - full of surprises

kun and you dating does surprise the rest of nct

notably lucas whose like “bro you are my roommate,,,,how did i not know you were getting spicy with someone”

you: “did he just say spicy?”

kun, deadpan: “that’s just lucas.”

doyoung grabbing lucas by the year: “apologize to them for calling their young beautiful love spicy right now.”

sicheng in mandarin to kun: “but ,,,,, are you two spicy,,,,you know-”

jkjkjkjk

but after the initial shock wears off,,,,you become a natural part of the group

you sort of stay in the sidelines watching nct get up to no good

with kun at your side, shrugging it off and telling you that when you’re both needed to save someone - you’ll be there

but secretly, for kun, it’s finally such a relief to have someone there with him

even if he’d always been content with being the quiet, always comes to the rescue at the last minute kind of friend

there had still been times when he hadn’t even been able to bring his own problems to the table 

but now, with you, he can do that

and you’re probably the only one in the world to ever see kun get stressed

so much so that when you tell taeyong you’re thinking of maybe getting kun something to distract him from all his worries

taeyong chokes on his rice and goes, “he-he’s worried about something?!!?”

(moral of the story is you teaching nct to pay attention to kun’s pains sometimes - mark apologizes profusely for almost an hour about not doing so)

but no really, finally for kun there’s someone who not to be a total cornball

but someone who puts him first - just like he puts everyone else

and to be honest it’s nice to be taken care of 

also you’re cute. you’re cute when you’re taking care of him. or when you’re not taking care of him. or when you’re right in front of him. or when he’s getting distracted looking at your photo which he made his phone background in class. basically you’re very cute

kun tells everyone you’re very cute

there are many ways to say cute in different languages and kun might just learn all of them just so he can call you cute

also, aside from telling his friends about your relationship - you also end up taking them to the bar

to see kun in action

and although it kind of makes kun a little shy, all of nct nearly fall off their chairs when they see him get into the groove

johnny even claims, in a bit of a tipsy manner, that kun really is the coolest of all of them huh - taeyong you may have your perfect face but kun is really winning oh shit im going to fall dow-

ten, the designated driver thanking you and kun when you have to drag taeil down from atop the bar stage after the tenth time of singing “what is love?”

but anyway back to your relationship with kun

he really is such an attentive person, it’s just part of him to pick up on the little things

he knows your habits, he knows your likes and dislikes 

you dont even have to tell him where to put his hand around you - he knows that you prefer your waist over your shoulders

he knows that you hate milk in your coffee

he knows that you’d much rather wear his green hoodie than the red button down jungwoo got him for christmas 

he knows when you’re mad before you can even say anything, he knows you’re about to cry before the tears even fall

and you’re so amazed he soaks up all this information and remembers it about you

because it makes you feel completely and utterly loved

people who otherwise don’t know much about kun like to assume he’s kind of closed up

that he doesnt pay attention, that he’s off in his own world

but that’s not true - not at all

and even though kun always pulls you into his arms, nose settled in the crook of your neck

murmuring that there’s nothing in the world he wants then to be here alone with you 

you sometimes want to pull him up and have the world realize who he is 

how great he is 

and how much you love him

also can i just say that he’s so sweet that when you first end up staying the night kun’s hand trembling on the buttons of your jeans

he looks up, eyes blown out and his hair a mess from making out just to go

“stop me now, i dont want to keep going because if i do i think i might really become addicted to you.”

LIKE HE LITERALLY SAYS THAT 

and had it not been for you just really wanting him - you might have burst out into tears and hugged him close because he’s so cute

(you know after he was all shy like,,,was it ok,,,i haven’t done this much,,,,,if i can i will impro- *you shut him up with a lot of kisses*)

sometimes you’ll still swing by the bar for a drink on a bad day, but instead of it you swing by

and kun signals to the manager for his break

only to meet up with you out back

and ask you whats wrong, even though he knows what you actually want

which is to kiss his face

and he lets you

(has had to fix his bowtie a LOT more since he started dating you) 

(also had to start carrying a comb with him because gosh darn it you keep messing up his hair)

you know that kun is good at making drinks, but when he cooks some of his home favorite meals

you take one bite

get up

and go over to smother him in more kisses

“you are husband material, you know this right?”

kun tilting his head with his chopsticks in his mouth: “i dont think i am.”

you getting up again to give him even more kisses: “god i love you”

kun doesn’t talk much when you guys hang out with his friends which is like totally normal 

and you’re ok just cuddling into his side, watching the rest of nct make a fool of themselves

at the movies or at the park or wherever

but one day kun is like “guys wanna see my new magic trick?”

and everyone is like hell yeah

and youre like ? wonder what it is, he didn’t show me this one yet either

and then kun just goes 

“right now ill show you guys my ENTIRE universe. wanna see it?”

and all of nct is like huh

and doyoung is like snorting like there’s no way to shrink the universe down or something like what are you going to pull out a tiny globe keychain out of your pocket-

kun pointing directly to you

“there it is. my entire universe.”

nct: dead:

you: literally going to faint

kun: thank you. no need for a standing ovation. 

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 3

Some Notes: There is some minor friend on friend violence. And some drug mention/use. Also, I don’t like weed terminology, its boring, so i’m just going to use cheesy slang for weed cause why not

It's the day before classes, the last 4 days have been a bit rough for you. Your pangs of guilt when seeing Karkat is starting to fade but it's been a bit difficult for you to communicate with him. Not because he avoids you or anything, quite the opposite really. He's pretty much always in your business at this point. You are no longer aloud to be alone at all now which you feel is putting strain on everyone. Especially yourself. You were ok when you had at least one option to be alone, well, to be fair that last day wasn't great but you had actually just found your husktop (how did you lose it?) so at least you wouldn't have been completely bored. So far though you just feel tossed around. You don't really think anyone really wants to sit around and grub-sit you all day. You feel stifled and unable to do anything you want to do. I mean, you don't feel like you can ask someone to go with you anywhere, it has been more like you have to follow them around. But worse than that you kind of feel… unwanted. 

It's not an unfamiliar feeling. In fact you've felt that way most of your life. I mean your own lusus never really wanted to stick around. The eventual use of sopor later on helped you to not feel that way. Well, the feeling was still there but buried deep in your high as hell mind. Then of course you met your friends, but they never really wanted to hang out with you. Tavros talked to you a lot but it wasn't within his means to visit you. Karkat you felt kind of just tolerated you before you were moirails. Occasionally others would talk to you but not much. You guess you never really processed those feelings when you were doped up and now they are all up crowding your thinkpan. You wish you could get high. 

At the moment you are trailing after Nepeta and Equius. They are talking animatedly, or well Nepeta is at least. You kind of feel, in the way. You guess you are just lucky they aren't trying to incorporate you into the conversation out of guilt. You would much prefer to not interact with anyone. You wonder if you slowed down enough would they notice you were gone? They aren't looking at you so you slow your walking keeping an eye on them to see if they may look back. Once they are quite a ways ahead of you you quickly make your way behind a building so you will no longer be in line of sight. You wonder how long it will take them to see you are not with them. Best to not think about it. You're on a mission: find a way to get high so you can stop thinking about things for at least a little while. You don't intend to pick up sopor again by any means but you know there are human alternatives. You want to get high, just for today. You hope that when classes start tomorrow everything will be at least a little better. You head off towards the city, if you stay on campus, the chances of you being caught are likely.

It takes you a few hours but eventually you find a seedy motherfuckin area and actually you kind of stumble into a drug deal. It could have been bad but you waved around some money and the dealer was happy to sell to you. He offered you many different types of human drugs but you heard from Dave that weed is pretty ok and there is not a high chance of addiction. So you buy some, you probably spent more for it than it was worth but you don't really care, you pay a little extra so the dealer can show you what you are even supposed to do with it. He says the fastest way to use it is to smoke it so you figure that is what you will do. You bought enough to make a few blunts as you find out they are called, you don't really give two fucks about the terminology. You shove the packet of weed in your pocket and head on your way. 

You find a nice secluded spot just off campus and you figure its as good a place as any, so you sit on the ground back against a building and you try to figure out how a human lighter works. Alternian ones are so much easier, this design is stupid. You finally manage after a few tries, great. You roll up a motherfucker and light it. Shit makes you cough but honestly whatever it takes at this point. It takes a little bit of time but you start feeling a bit high. Not as good as sopor but it is enough to chill you out. It makes it easier not to think about things. You sigh and look up at the sky. It's about 7 pm you think. You turned off your phone so you couldn't check for sure. You decide to sit there for a while longer, even though the high makes you feel better you don't want to go back to your room. You know Karkat will just rip into you so you'd rather put it off a bit for now. You decide to light up another one. Might as well. 

The sky has long since gone dark and you still haven't gone back yet. The darkness is no obstacle of course. Trolls are technically nocturnal creatures after all. You sigh, you should probably turn your phone on at least. When it turns on you see you have 25 missed calls, all from Karkat, and a slew of messages from various friends. You don't care to look at them so you just delete them all. You look at the time while you are at it, huh, 11pm. You didn't think you had been sitting here that long. You decide you ought to get up. Your legs feel all stiff from sitting so long. You decide to slowly start walking towards the side of campus your dorm building is at. You still want to procrastinate on getting there but you know you ought to at least sleep a little before classes the next morning. You imagine Karkat might rant and rave at you for at least a couple hours. 

Your halfway to the dorm building just minding your motherfuckin business when you hear something running towards you. Your high is still going so your a bit slow to react but it is Karkat and he looks pissed. You wonder why he is not slowing down as he approaches you but you soon find out. He tackles you to the ground driving the breath out of you and then he punches you in the face. Hard. 

"YOU FUCKING VILE HORSESHIT PRICK!" He punches you again. You are too surprised by this reaction to do anything. 

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU JUST UP AND DISSAPEAR LIKE THAT!" He goes to punch you again but you grab his hand stopping him. He is practically snarling at you and every ounce of high feeling you had is gone. 

"FUCKING SAY SOMETHING YOU ASSHOLE, GIVE SOME EXCUSE I DARE YOU!" 

You kind of snap. "I DON'T NEED TO GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKIN REASON. I'M NOT SOME FUCKING WRIGGLER THAT NEEDS LOOKING AFTER KARKAT." You shove him off of you. You are angrier than you ever recall being. Karkat looks alarmed but you don't care. He tries to say something. 

"SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP AND JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE GODDAMNED SECOND." You lower your voice a bit, rage is still boiling through your veins so it is more of a dangerous quiet. "I can't fucking stand to be smothered Karkat. You think I like being tossed around, unwanted, and treated like I'm broken motherfucker?" 

He stutters, the fear on his face makes you smile. "I-I---n-no Gamzee. I-I'm sorry--" 

"Of course you are. OF COURSE YOU ARE. I can make you real and truly sorry my brother." 

A timid voice comes from behind you. 

"G-Gamzee?"

You turn with an almost guttural growl at whoever interrupted you. It's Tavros. Part of you is screaming inside to not hurt him but the you that isn't you takes a step towards Tavros with a sadistic smile on your face. Karkat grabs your arm and pulls you towards him. Next thing you know your hands are around his neck squeezing. Despite that he looks calm, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close. You loosen your grip on his throat and he shooshes you. The anger is starting to slip away leaving you feeling empty. Your hands fall to your sides, you feel like a limp doll, probably look like one too. Then filling up the emptiness you feel is horror. You were going to hurt them. You almost came close to killing your moirail. 

"O-oh god, Karkat i-im sorry, i'm so sorry. I wouldn't have--" you trail off, you were lying, you would have killed him. You would have snapped his neck like a twig. You think he knows too.

You don't understand how he could stand there, comforting someone who was just seconds away from killing him. You feel sick to your stomach. Karkat is rubbing your back and murmuring to you that everything is ok. 

"But I hurt you..?" You can't comprehend that being anywhere close to ok.

"Well, to be fair I did punch you, twice.” He examines your face. “Hold still.” 

He wipes your face with his sleeve, you didn’t realize your nose was bleeding. He makes a face at the blood on his sleeve. You look down at his neck, you can still see the imprint of your hands. He notices you looking. 

“It’s fine Gamzee, It could have been worse.”

You suppose so? But still doesn’t erase the fact that you still did that and had the intention to do worse. You sigh, you do that alot these days you realize. After a moment you say in a quiet voice, not one of violence but uncertainty. 

“I… don’t see how you can still up and have any feelings for this motherfucker after all this.”

“Well, you might be a violent clown dumbass but you’re MY violent clown dumbass. Does that answer your question?”

You chuckle softly. 

 Another voice chimes in. It’s Tavros, you kind of forgot he was still there.

“Y-yeah, well, uh, I’m not in a quadrant or anything with you” He blushes profusely. “ but I still uh, care about you, uh, i-inafriendway.” He says that last bit very quickly. 

Karkat rolls his eyes, you’re not sure why though. Actually most of Tavros’s actions and words kind of confused you. You’re getting some mixed motherfuckin signals. It’s too confusing to think about right now you decide. After looking at Karkat you stifle a laugh at a thought you just had.

“You know, if no one else knew better they would probably think we were kismesis.” You gesture to your face and Karkat’s neck.

“Oh god, I can’t even imagine that. Me hate dating you? No fucking way.”

You laugh for real now, you 100% agree with that statement. Karkat grabs your hand and starts tugging you towards the dorm building. 

“Lets get you cleaned up then we are going to have a pile session, well, probably just on the lounge couch.”

Damn, you were totally ready to whip out the horn pile. After a big exaggerated sigh you smile. It's been a while since you two had a real feelings jam. 

Later in your guy's room you and Karkat are all sorts of comfy in the couch. You are lying with your head on Karkat’s lap and he is running his hands through your hair. You have already went back over and talked about the whole feeling suffocated thing, this time with less yelling and violence. Karkat was thinking of a way to compromise, you get to do whatever but he still wants a way to know if you are unsafe or feel like you might have a seizure. 

“Ok, how about, a text warning? Like not a word or anything that may be too long. Maybe an emoji?” 

You yawn, It’s really fucking late. “Yeah sure Kar, that sounds fine by me.” You think for a moment. “I guess we should pick one then?”

Karkat starts flipping through the emojis on his phone occasionally showing you one that he thinks would be appropriate. You just want a funny one though.

“Look, Its gotta be something you wouldn’t normally use ok? These fucking stupid ones look like something you would just randomly send me.”

You suppose he is right. He searches intently before pointing at one. It is a red x lookin thing. 

“This one, remember that you dumbass.”

“Sure Karbro, now, not to be too much of a buzzkill on this whole pale sesh but can we go to sleep now?” You yawn again.

“Oh god Gamzee, please never call this that ever again. An idiot like you knows what it sounds like.” He is making a face. “Now maybe get the fuck off of me then we can sleep.” 

You sigh, then you grab him and pull him down to lie on the couch next to you. He grumbles. 

“What the fuck are you doing Gamzee.”

“Oh no bro, I am too motherfucking tired to get the fuck up so I guess you are just stuck here.” You smile and pull him in close, no escape for this motherfucker. 

Karkat mutters some very interesting curses but ends up settling down giving in. You love it when you win. 

Some inspiration songs for this Chapter:

The Reason cover by Chase Holfelder https://youtu.be/jsLHVKGIMik

Fit for Rivals Damage https://youtu.be/MsWzZ4SnhSk 

Twenty one pilots Car Radio https://youtu.be/KAmBKyfoJCY

And Every Breath You Take cover by Chase Holfelder https://youtu.be/KAmBKyfoJCY

^ this one more like Karkat in this chapter

[cannibaldeerdoe]

Romance is dead.

"She is probably using him." Was the first sentence out of his mouth.  It had slipped out as he starred blankly into his latte as it swirled casually around the espresso and whipped cream in the cup. His friends, Audrey and Stella, Both had their jaws a gap.

To which Darnell simply shrugged nonchalantly, sipping coolly at his drink.

He glanced left, then right at both of his dear friends. A bored expression plastered on his face before he set his drink down, the sleeves of his dark over sized hoodie shuffling over his knuckles as the drink was set.

Darnell had short cut black hair, thick curls at the ends near his neck where he felt he may need to get a haircut sometime in the near future. Long bangs pushed out of his eyes as green eyes took in the shocked expressions of his friends once more before deciding to finally speak up.

"What?" He stated so plainly, " I was pretty sure you were use to this by now. " He stated plainly.

The girl's had been gossiping about a college campus romance unfolding. They had seemed like the most typical couple in the world, boy meets girl, they start doing casual stuff around campus, holding hands, walking to class, ect, ect. Darnell has seen this sort of thing at least a dozen or so times before.

It always ended the same. Heart break. Either after a month or two they faded apart, or one cheats on the other, or the other gets dissatisfied by the fact they only want such and such items. Petty stuff that was enough to ruin anyones mood.

This time though, The guy had left a bouquet of flowers on her desk with a note. She later came back with a red blush on her face.

He had apparently surprised her with some sweets in her locker next, ending with a request to an amusement park. after only a year of dating it seemed he finally proposed. She had yet to give her answer yet. Though, according to his friends, she was a fool to say no to such a romantic gesture.

"No. Dont you see? He obviously figured out she was the perfect fit for him. " Stated Audrey, resting her chin on her palm as she stuck out her puffy lips. Her perfect dark skin seeming to meld well with the lighting drifting in through the window they were seated beside.

"You typically need a few years and living together to know that"

"Maybe he just knew, y'know, like a soul mate or something. " Stated his other friend, Stella stated, her brunettes' locks hanging low as he rested her elbow on the counter. Her gold hooped earrings shinning as they interacted with the sun hitting the table.

"No, See, Here's how things will play out. They rush into this marriage, and after a year pop out some children. They arent prepared or ready for kids so that causes tension. They find out their views on raising kids is vastly different and they dont coordinate well. They divorce, wondering why they were ever in love in the first place. " He began to take a sip at his drink. Humming casually.

"Its so simple. Heard it a dozen times before. There is no such thing as love or romance not in the real world. " They both stared at him, their brown and blue eyes glaring  him down before Audrey broke the silence.

"Yeah, Well, I hope you stay single forever with that sort of attitude!" To such an accusation, the group laughed. Cheerful fun having presented itself.

The group soon decided to depart, standing and walking down the street, the busy city gleaming and bustling with life.

Short lived romance, People arguing, Artists, dancers, office workers. It was just everyday life in this beautiful city. A city of small drama and comfortable living for young people.

It was perfect for beginnings and amazing for endings. Only issue was a lot of the time it was placed in that cold hard, cough syrup flavored reality.

They chattered and Darnell once more found himself laughing.

He had sworn he would stay single forever, because, to him romance was just something he enjoyed reading about in his spare time. It wasnt something that was real. It wasnt something that lasted. Just like his own parents. When he was a kid, they argued non-stop while swearing they were once in love.

To Darnell, Love was a spark that eventually faded. Love that lasted was usually just that. A fairy tale. One he figured he would enjoy avoiding at al cost.

Darnell paused, spotting in a window pane a book he had been in desperate need of and been eagerly awaiting the release of the next volume!

He could hardly contain such excitement, Pausing to stare into the window that showed the new released.

"I didnt even get the notification! "He exclaimed, waving hurriedly to his friends. They looked at eachother before turning to continue to walk.

"We can just meet you later." Stated Stella,

"How a romance nerd like you doesnt believe in real romance is such a god damn mystery to me."

The bell chimed delightfully and slightly annoyingly as he hurriedly opened the door to the bookshop.

Rushing over to the bookshelf behind the window case and searching frantically for where the volume might be located.

"Can I help you?" Stated a smooth voice almost like caramel from behind him.

Darnell's shoulders slumped some, he hated social interactions with  strangers. He had already guessed a read on his personality before even turning to face him. Gorgeous and surrounded by women at all peaks of the hours.

"Im just looking for the book that was released in this series. "He hardly bothered to look the man in the eye.

There was an audible hum from the man as he answered Darnell's query.

"I havent quite gotten around to putting them on the shelf yet. The copies are actually still in a box just over there. I just finished with the display a few minutes ago before being dragged off by my manager." He chuckled softly, his voice sounding almost as sickeningly radiant as the bell that chimed when he strode in.

"Well why bother setting up the display if they arent--"Darnell was about to go off on this guy, who care's if he is good looking?! Yet, when his green eyes met with this guy's almost brown his heart seemed to skip. As though it were waking from a cold damp slumber and stretched its feathered wings.

What. The. Fuck. Oh no, you go back to being dead right this instant!

He swallowed, rolling his eyes and trying to look more disgruntled than what he actually was.

"Just give me the damn copy. "

He demanded, which was promptly met with a chuckle, a smile. And him bending over to reveal even better of a view.

Yeah. He was asking for heart break with this guy. Last thing he needed in his life was more heart break.

He plopped the heady hardcopy into Darnell's hands. His eyes seemed to gleam as he held his most recent favorite romance novel. It was glorious! It was just as great as everything written about it in the forums!

He slouched back into his normal mood, His lip stuck out as he avoided eye contact and held the book tightly to his chest.

"Thanks."

"No problem, I can check you out as well if you'd like. It looks like your friends may have come back for you after all." He chuckled again, waving politely to the two girls standing outside.

Why were they just watching the whole scene? Were they expecting something from all this?!

He bought his book and went about his day. His friends teasing him that the guy back there was right up his alley in every way, shape and form!

"Did you get his name?"

"Did you get his number...?"

" His names Bryan. No, Why would I even bother?" They continued their taunts. Although they all stopped suddenly in their steps, the sound of rampant feet clattering towards the group.

They had gone quite a ways from the bookstore now and were on their way home, surprised to find the handsome and bold short haired red head sprinting towards them.

He huffed, changed from his bookstore uniform. He was red in the face a large smile as he tried to play off how awkward it must have looked running towards them.

"I cant--!"He tried to say between gasps for air. "Believe I ran into you again!" He stated exasperated, "I thought about this earlier, I got so excited when I saw you again I thought it might be a good chance!" he began to dig around in his pocket, pulling out his phone.

"I notice you read romance in my mother's store a lot! I thought you might be interested in maybe coming to a book club with me. It's run by my sister. The next reading is 'What blooms in winter' A new romance story that was released by an armature novelist. "

He smiled, directing the phone screen to Darnell in particular.

"I figured I could...Get your number. It's next week. I can even stop by and pick you up by the store?"

In Darnell's mind at that moment he could heart the thrum of his heart, His friends both at a loss for words. That was basically asking for a date. Adding in some lame excuse for how he could get his number.

He rolled his eyes.

His head was screaming for a yes, yes, YES! Though he instead shoved the phone back into the guys hands. "Why in the world would I bother going to something so childish as a book club. "he snarled. Turning sharply on his heel.

"S-Sorry he--" "Stop talking to the creep!" He interrupted, Not wanting to put up with Stella's excuse.

After that, he said good bye to his friends. Hugs and cheers as they departed. He stood there in the hallway. Waiting for everyone to get to their dorms.

He stood in the silence. Looked left. Looked right.

Then he found his legs were moving on their own.

Sprinting as fast, if not faster, than he thought possible down the hallway, bursting through the doors of his apartment, back down that alley way with his sneakers noisily smacking against the loud concrete.

He turned the corner to the empty city street to see a lone man in a dark green and white t-shirt walking with his hands in his pockets.

He looked a bit forlorn to say the least and turned almost at the last minute to view a black haired, skinny pale male moving faster than he had since middle school gym.

He could barely stop, barreling towards the broad-shouldered red head. He stopped just in time before a crash course collision.

Gasping in deep shallow breaths. He couldnt dare try to say words.

They both stood there in awkward silence.

"Are you al--"He was about to ask, though Darnell very quickly grabbed for his phone from his hands. He held his breath as he rushed to type in his number and throw it back into his hands.

He still was quite breathless but now stood up straight, a scowl present on his face and turned back to walk jelly legged back to his apartment. Leaving the man to the empty street once more.

A soft chuckle being heard from him.

[richneds-blog]

a little reddie for u all

-when they were about 16 richie and eddie had both decided they wanted to move out of derry, together… they just hadn’t talked to each other about it.

-they had been best friends for fucking ages. eddie sort of fell for Richie when he was 14, and richie did the same.

-days turned into months, which turned into years of Richie tease-flirting with eddie, and the two of them being overly affectionate with each other, not thinking of them being anything more than ‘best friends’

-it wasn’t until bev said anything to Richie that he realised he’d fallen head over heels in love with his best friend.

-they were having a smoke together when she nonchalantly asked ‘so have you kissed him yet?’

-‘sorry, who is it that i’m kissing marsh?’

-‘um, eddie?’

-Richie’s breath hitched mid drag, causing him to start coughing on his cigarette

-‘what the fuck’ *cough* ‘huh?’

-after that Richie paid extra attention to eddie,

-he can’t believe he hadn’t noticed he liked eddie sooner himself. if everyone else had figured it out then maybe eddie had too

-when they were 16, Richie decided that he had enough. he was gonna tell eddie how he felt

-so he had it all planned out. he knew exactly what he was gonna say and how. organised&confident!richie

-you know on one of those nights, (obviously… it cant be reddie w/o Richie climbing thru eddie’s window at one in the morning) Richie carefully climbed through the unlocked window to eddie’s room, trying to be quiet to not wake mrs kaspbrak down the hall

-which of course involved Richie awkwardly pulling himself over the window-sill, tripping over his own feet and making a clatter before carefully pushing himself back up off the floor and sweeping his long curls off his face

-eddie was sitting on his bed shirtless reading a book, his beside lamp turned on, illuminating his face in the most flattering ways

-cue panicking&nervous!richie

-he took one look at eddie and everything he had planned went straight out the window he came in

-rich didn’t even give eddie time to say hello before he just

-“eddie i think im fucking in love with you”

-and eddie was shocked

-obviously not shocked at what he said but at the pure abruptness of it all

-well he was a little bit shocked because jesus Christ Richie likes me back wtfffff wtf wtf WTF

-so he did what any normal human being would do in the middle of an awkward situation

-he just started quietly, kinda psychotically, chuckling to himself

-like quick laughs in between really short breaths

-tbh Richie thought eddie was having an asthma attack

-“ohhhh shit oh shit okay fuck um its okay you don’t need to say anything i knew you wouldn’t feel the same i knew you couldn’t me back its fine, just can we please pretend this never happened ohhhhh fuck why did i do this, it was a bad idea from the beginning, fuck you marsh oh my g”

-eddie was just staring at Richie now, this huge blabbering mess like… what the fuck is going on.

-but Richie wouldn’t stop talking so eddie made his way over and off the bed, walked over to Richie and just put his hand over his mouth so he’d stop talking

-“jesus chee, shut the fuck up would you?”

-and Richie just mumbles an almost incoherent ‘okay’ from underneath eddie’s hand

-“calm down, its fine because i… love you as well”

-and Richie shoulders just un tense x1000 and hes like oh fuck i just embarrassed myself but its okay because eDDIE LIKES ME BACK FUCK YES MOTHERFUCKERS THANK YOU MARSH

-*still mumbling against eddie’s hand* “you do?”

-“yeah, I love you Richie”

-“cool… can i kiss you”

-“sorry what? I couldn’t hear that”

-“can I kiss you?”

-“sorry, hold on” (and just takes his hand off richie’s mouth)

-and as he does Richie just fuckin grabs eddies waist and pulls him into him and just, kisses him.

-and its sweet and its passionate and its everything they both hoped it would be

-and they just melted into each other

-and were both so fucking happy

-when they started dating none of the losers were even surprised, and they all knew every detail of what happened because eddie wouldn’t stop talking about it for the first MONTH

-“and he just went so fucking red and he looked so embarrassed but it was okay because he didn’t know what i knew which was that”

-“you loved him back, yeah we fucking get it eddie. tbh NONE of us are surprised. its been a fucking month now”

-but now fast forward to them STILL dating and they’re just about leaving school, and they both know they wanna get the fuck out of derry

-and when they talk to each other about it they decide they want to move to New York

-they got this cute little apartment in the city  

-and it’s absolutely gorgeous

-the night of moving day, they’re just sitting on a bunch of pillows arranged in the living room, Richie has his arm around eddie’s shoulders and they’re just sitting on the floor. just looking around at all the unpacked boxes around them

-there isn’t any furniture because Richie fucked up the dates they were moving with the moving guys

-“rich are you sure you want to organise the movers for us?”

-“yes eds, i’m sure i can do that. don’t you trust me?”

-there’s this big ass window in their living room/kitchen that looks over the city streets and all the lights from outside are flashing and they’re just cuddling on the floor feeling so content

-and they pull out heaps of pillows and blankets and just create a makeshift bed on the floor, and fall asleep in each others arms, feeling so fucking happy

-over the next few days, they finish unpacking, they have the furniture set up and they begin to decorate here and there

-and everything just feels so… right

-like they’re so happy to have moved out of the hellhole they lived in and just are feeling pure bliss because they can barely believe they managed to end up here living together

-Richie wants to get a ping pong table and put it in the kitchen

-but eddie doesn’t agree with that

-“look eds there’s SOOO much space”

-“Richie we aren’t having a ping pong table in our fucking kitchen”

-one morning when eddie wakes up, he realises that Richie isn’t in bed with him

-he sits up, feeling very confused, until he pulls himself out of bed

-he smells something really delicious and hes just like

-????????

-and walks out to the kitchen to see Richie shirtless, cooking breakfast, softly singing along to a song that’s playing over the radio

-and eddie just smiles to himself because look at my boyfriend, he’s gorgeous

-they’re build pillow forts in the living room and curl up watching movies when it’s raining outside

-“you can never be too old for a pillow fort babe”

-and sometimes Richie falls asleep on eddie’s lap while eddie plays with his hair

-Richie still plays guitar

-sometimes when eddie comes home from uni or work, Richie is already home and he’s sitting in the living room playing and singing

-sometimes he writes songs about eddie which makes eddie absolutely melt

-and when either of them has a bad day, they do whatever they can to make the other relaxed

-like cooking a nice dinner, running them a bath

-when eddie’s stressed or angry, Richie knows he doesn’t want to talk so he’ll give eddie gentle hugs and forehead kisses

-and he’ll play his guitar

-and when richie’s upset or having a bad day, eddie will sit down with him and talk. just talk. about nothing and everything all at once

-and eddie will play with richie’s hair which they both love

-also expect SPONTANIOUS ROMANTIC DINNERS

-like cute candle lit dinners with homemade food

-and even though they’ve been best friends since they were 13, and they know absolutely everything there is to know about each other, they still stay up all night talking about things

-they talk about themselves, or whats happening, how they’re feeling, they talk about deep shit like their fears and what they want for breakfast tomorrow morning

-and sometimes they’ll climb up the fire escape and sit on the roof

-they still see the losers regularly, switching between their place and bill & stan’s

-(YEAH I KNOW IM A SUCKER FOR STENBROUGH)

-bev ended up with ben and they decided they wanted to live in Europe, because its gorgeous there. plus bev has never been to paris,

-mike got a football scholarship at college and is living on campus

-so they don’t see them as much as they see bill and stan

-but all the losers get together in the holidays for thanksgiving, Christmas and new years and it’s just a big fucking party

-because u know what they say,,,,, friends who have shared trauma, stay together!!11!!!1!!

-reddie always orders a shit tonne of take out food because sometimes they’re too tired to cook

-“Richie we can’t have thai for the third night in a row, if i even smell it i reckon i’ll throw up, and i’ll throw up all over your new shirt”

-they have a joint closet in their room and eddie always steals richie’s sweaters because he likes how they’re too big for him, plus they smell of Richie

-and overall they’re just largely in love and they’re happy

-and fuck off IT never returns, stan never takes a bath, eddie never dies and RICHIE AND BILL ARE THE BEST MANS AT EACH OTHER’S WEDDING AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

[xthirteensummersx]

I need a safe space where I can express my emotions in writing about whats been going on in my head in regard to my current relationship. I have someone I can talk to at least but I feel like I think things through better in writing.

Honestly all the real problems started when we moved away from his hometown. I wanted to start our own life together somewhere away from the toxicity that is his hometown and at the time he felt the same so we made the plans I managed to find us a place by myself and secure myself a stable enough job that we could move out.

First he had trouble finding a job and that was fine and dandy but about 3 weeks in hes starting to get really down and depressed working there, so I did make the suggestion of looking somewhere else and leaving that job if he wanted as the job I had at the time was paying me more than enough to cover all our bills on my own. So he left that job and he goes a few months without finding a job still it definitely didn't feel like he was looking that hard but I have given him the benefit of the doubt because it was a very different job market there than what he was used to.

Then he decided he wanted to go to school, I've done the school thing, I've failed twice. I really wanted him to succeed where I didn't so I told him straight up that if he wanted to go to school I didn't want him working I wanted him to just be able to focus on the school no pressure and so thats what he did.

Couple more months pass and he gets into an online program despite my suggestions of on campus as a more focused experience but he was determined to do it online so I trusted him. Everyday I asked him how it was and how it was going asking if I could help, I covered all the bills and let him do his thing. All the while he's getting increasingly stressed out when I do see him working or he isn't working at all and just grinding his games. I figured whatever I've made it clear that I'm here if he needs me everytime I bug him he just snaps at me.

Until eventually he tells me he wants to drop out. I told him if thats what he wanted all I ask is that he looks for a job immediately he agrees. I didn't try to make him feel bad as like I said I've failed twice and wouldn't have wanted my loved ones to rub it in my face or nothing so I wouldn't do that. I firmly live by the treat others the way you want to be treated mentality at least until recently.

Anyways we were in that city for almost 2 years and he only worked those first 3 weeks and I covered everything that whole time always hoping he'd get a job in the next week. Then finally he gets an interview and things look promising until covid hit and it was downhill from there. They never called him back after the interview because they ended up going out of business a few months into quarantine.

So money got tight as my pay took quite a hit since my job at the time was not suited for quarantine conditions. We started fighting a lot until eventually he says he wants to move back to his hometown so we can start a family because he misses his.

At this point I considered it a pretty equal trade because there have been a lot of things that I have wanted out of my relationship but I had not recieved a single one of those things yet and although he had already promised this when we originally moved to Niagara Falls (His conditions in general was that we had to be making decent money and had our own place which we would have met the criteria in Niagara as soon as he had landed a job) but the promise of finally maybe getting to have a baby like I've always wanted was being dangled in front of me and that is well worth trading in a great job and a great place that was relatively inexpensive that we called our own. So we moved back to his hometown.

Now we are in the middle of quarantine when we do this, I use up all of my savings to move us there so that we can rent a room (with no door) at his sisters place until we can find a place to rent of our own or get enough to but a house whatever comes first, we only planned on staying a max of 6 months.

He was able to find a job almost immediately but for whatever reason I had a really hard time, and in the beginning he was pretty supportive of me insisting that I could use the break (although I could use it im not the type that feels safe unless I have stable income so I was frantically looking everyday) but it only took a couple weeks before he changed his tune asking why I didn't have as much money saved as I had when we were first got there (I have more expenses then him like OSAP payments from when I flunked out of college but to me that's besides the point I never harassed him about money when he wasn't working but now he was doing it to me and thats what bugged me) which caused more fighting between us, everytime I would tell him that something he did upset me he would just tell me that he isn't responsible for how I feel about things and that I'm just being emotional. Now I do have BPD so I am emotional and I am fully aware that I blow things out of proportion a lot of the time. But I'm pretty good at handling it like I can say "I don't like when you say/do *this* it make me feel like *this(usually some synonym for bad)* something I learned from taking DBT and CBT phrasing thats meant to prevent me from blowing up but when he responds with *I shouldn't have to filter myself* I tend to lose it because I was literally trained how to communicate and no matter how hard I tried it felt like he would not listen. Especially when it comes to me feeling like an equal in the relationship. Which leads us to the next thing that was something I wanted out of the relationship, I want us to have a car so I can go for my license again. Since I finally got a job at the other end of town I brought this up again seeing as in our new circumstances of living with his sister his promises of starting a family were out of the question so to me it was a compromise.

He wants to get a used car, I'm fine with a used car but I don't want to wait forever and I do like the assurance of longevity of a newer car. He agreed and had me start looking at used cars(he always makes me look at cars and places when we've looked at vehicles and places he refuses to help or do it himself) so I did, I would send him a couple options a day and he would find a problem with every single one. Then after the first day I ended up not having a ride home from work which happened to be in a snow storm where I found out that it is a 2 hour walk from my workplace to my home, I insisted he at least go and look at the pricing of some new cars and give it a chance because we could get into a vehicle much sooner. And he agreed and made an appointment.

This is kinda where the story climaxes, so when we first moved back to his hometown I still managed to keep a whopping 1500$ saved as my contribution to the car. And by the time the appointment came i had, had to dip into it a bit so I only had 1200$ but I knew I would have more by the end of the month to ad on top of my savings anyways so I wasn't worried about it.

Anyways so we are walking to the dealership its about a 1 hour walk away but he decided to book the appointment for 45 minutes after he was done work. So as soon as he got home we were out the door again. At the start of this walk I was so happy, ecstatic even, I was finally getting something I was finally feeling heard and I was finally feeling like an equal then he asked me as we were walking "How much do you have saved for the car?"

So the first thing I told him was that it was hard to say exactly as I still had a couple pays I would be getting and would have more by the end of the month but I have no idea how much is be getting paid so I wouldn't be able to say exactly what I would have saved.

He immediately gets angry with me saying that I should have MORE than $1500 saved even though I'd been without work until probably 3 weeks prior and still contributing to all the bills. And then asked me again specifically he said "How much do you have in your savings right now?" So I told him 1200 because in that moment thats exactly how much I had, and that was completely unacceptable. So I got on the defensive because I was doing my best here and him shaming me for it was not going to remedy the situation. Then he was upset that I was upset with him, it was unreasonable for me to be angry about him getting mad about my savings. So I finally asked how much he had saved and he said $1000. Which made me right ticked off because to me after all I did in the past 2 years with and for him, he was getting mad when he still didn't even have as much saved as me. Then it became a blame game and I escalated into me letting out a single scream, not at him, I get overwhelmed and I need to release that extra energy to calm myself down I had even walked away from him so I could do it, I had tried to walk away from the conversation before I had gotten that far but he refused to let me. Either way there was a moment of silence before he told me he was breaking up with me. On the side of a road, in the middle of an argument, on our way to pick up the one thing that I was finally supposed to be getting for myself, he decides to end it.

At this point it was literally like the whole world was collapsing around me all my emotions were on top volume and 8 could hardly breath or think. I called a friend to pick me up and I told them everything that had happened, they assured me that they believed I was in the right in this situation and maybe if I hadn't yelled and maybe if I didn't have BPD I would've believed that first but I felt I was equally to blame for what happened either way. Now because I'm living with him and we have no door and I didn't have any place else to go I had to go back to his sisters to go to bed, but I was anxious mess and didn't end up being able to sleep the whole night. And he slept next me totally fine and if I hadn't broken down the next morning we probably would've stayed broken up.

But I begged.

Like really fucking begged, I'm still ashamed of it, but I love him, I've been in love with him for 4 years now, he's the person I wanted to have kids with a life with, I didn't invest all this time to just let him go like I have with guys in the past. He's only the second person I ever slept with and the first guy was only one time and it was a very disappointing experience so there was and still is a lot of fear about even knowing if I could feel the same way about someone else the way I feel like him.

He gave me a condition, that I see a doctor and get my BPD and Anxiety under wraps with medication. And so in the hopes of maybe helping myself in the process I agree. Because I figure at the very least if I go on medication he can no longer use my extreme emotions as his defense.

I have been on this new medication for 3 weeks now, and knock-on-wood im feeling pretty good these days emotions wise. I don't quite feel like myself but its still early I think I'm just in the process of relearning who I am on a less emotional level. But there are things that are still bugging me about the relationship things I have brought up in the past and he's said he would try to do better with but has not.

Here's a short list of some of these things:

Using "You can't bring up the past to defend himself when I bring up points of behavior that prove that he has been doing certain things to me still despite me saying its unwelcome.

His "Rules" they themselves are not the problem they are definitely reasonable, my problem is that if I break any of the rules its an immediate guilt trip (more like a stern look and some huffing to be clear he doesn't hit me or nothing and he's only actually yelled AT me 2 times in our whole relationship but he's very good at making me feel like I've done something horrible when I havent) he however is allowed to break his rules as apparently they do not apply to him only me. I.e. I have to make my side of the bed if I so much as leave it to run to the washroom but he can leave his side unmade when he goes to work. None of my stuff is allowed on his side of the bed even when he's not home but everytime I come home from work I have to pick up his stuff that strewn across my side (I have lots more examples but ill leave it at that)

My money is constantly monitored but if I ask him how much he's got "its not important information right now".

I only get affection on his terms not my own. If I want a kiss I literally have to jump through hoops to get it whether I'm the one leaving for work or he is, its always just a joke to him he will barely even give me just a regular sweet kiss its always him trying to gross me out in the process.

I never get hugs like ever (literally I've had 1.5 in the 4 years we've been together)

Continuous empty promises, hes now getting what he wants and in a week or so we should have a used car but I'm not sure I want to be a part of that anymore but we'll see on that. We still aren't in a situation where we can have kids and despite his numerous times assuring me he wants out of his sisters place as much as I do when I recently asked about looking for a place he said "That won't be for awhile so its not important".

And the biggest issue I'm having is even with the new meds ever since the break up I now live in this endless fear that I could say one wrong thing and he'll just leave.

To be clear we've talked about a lot of these things recently again as the new meds have made it easier to be firm about what I want out of this relationship I even went as far as to ask him to at least go talk to a doctor himself and he told me "He doesn't believe meds work" which led me down a huge mental spiral but I'm working through it. Other than that he did say once again he was going to try harder but right now I feel like I'm performing a dangerous balancing act on the fence of my life.

I still love him and thats the biggest thing holding me together right now but there are a lot more things to take into consideration im thinking more and more about how I want my kids to grow up, and I can't help but wonder if he can make me, the person he loves, even if unintentionally feel as bad and worthless as he's made me feel before what if our child felt the same way. Or the fact he has very opposing views than me on gender and sexuality and what happens if he continues to believe what he does and we have a kid who's gender neutral or trans and he makes them feel unloved and unacceptable because they don't fit into his little box of what he wants.

I don't know what I want anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I honestly don't know why I want it to work so bad. Maybe its because its been 4 years but for me despite my love for him and a great handful of some pretty pleasant times, I've been relatively unhappy.

I pray that the universe may help me on the right path because I'm having a hard time distinguishing it myself.

[thenightisland]

you know the drill:

this is becoming like its own series but idk how else to explain this awful year i don’t even feeling like properly linking so here’s just the URLs of the other ones in the series: 1. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/161087786689/explanationsupdates-under-the-cutmore-i 2. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/161920216354/additional-updatesexplanations-under-the-cut 3. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/163767959805/updates-under-the-cutmore-post-one-post-two-on 4. http://thenightisland.tumblr.com/post/164398486219/on-the-fourth-edition-of-what-the-fuck-is

one of the assessors got jumped a while back. she was just walking past a pt in the main assessment dept and he jumped up, punched her in the back of the head, took her to the ground and beat the fuck out of her. she was out for weeks and weeks and had broken facial bones. i can’t believe she didn’t quit.

our nurse executive quit though. not like, went prn or gave two weeks notice, like just straight up was like I’M DONE and walked out which honestly is the closest i’ve ever come to respecting him.

while having more psychologically unstable pts isn’t new, having more medically unstable pts has been a problem lately. like our crash cart is not like a medical hospital’s crash cart it’s like. an ambu bag some iv supplies and a stethoscope no lifesaving medications. when a pt has a medical issue we send them out to a medical hospital because obv we don’t have the resources to treat complex medical issues where we work. which didn’t used to be an issue because you’d used to see maybe two medical codes a year on my unit. we’ve had /ten/ since my last update post /just on my shift/. two of which weren’t even “pt is going downhill fast” codes they were “pt has no heartbeat and isn’t breathing” like we had to fucking bring two people back from the goddamn dead /within ten minutes of each other/. we’re all like we’re psych nurses man if we wanted to do this shit we’d work er. [and the er we’re required to send these pts to is awful like they sent us back a guy who had almost died twice in three days who had an /untreated brain tumor/ bc obv he’s totally fine]. or we’ve been doing mash unit style medicine like the suicidal kid with partial thickness burns all over his chest and neck that literally no one was doing anything about. we were debriding burns with a mixture of different PO IM and SQ drugs to achieve the same effect as IV morphine because debriding is extremely painful but not doing it will just make things worse and no one else seemed to care so we just fucking did it. like we’ve done so much medical nursing lately. like the one with the uncontrolled severe seizures that led to the medical hospital labeling her first break schizophrenia despite no family history of mental illness but /five different medical issues that all cause psychosis/. or the one they let on the unit despite being on the do not readmit who has untreated hiv that he actively tries to give to other people and /active tuberculosis/. or the one with the aneurysm. or the one with severe CHF. and on and on and on. and remember: we’re not the most medically unstable unit in the hospital because we have a 40 bed /geriatric psych unit/ so you can imagine the kind of pts /they’re/ getting. on the plus side, all of our ten odd codes lived.

my personal life is still a goddamn mess, of course, but that’s a given. don’t even know where to begin with all that. and i can’t talk about a lot of it which makes it that much more fun.

i had an entire crisis about the odyssey [which tbh is still kind of going on even after /weeks/] because i’m getting so cagey in memphis because i fucking hate this town. and i just got back from new orleans which is the closest thing i have to an ithaca at the moment and it killed me to come back to this fucking city.

i’m also really paranoid right now because after i come back from vacations, something terrible always happens and i’m not exaggerating it’s like clockwork to the point that the bad things have all happened between friday and sunday after i’ve returned from my vacation, each time, without fail. well that would be this weekend so i am just waiting to see what great horrors await me this goddamn time. [last time, it was the whole coworker killed in vehicular homicide thing]. but i guess paranoia isn’t the right word. you’re only paranoid if you’re wrong, and my life has already set the precedent. so i guess anxious is the better word.

the anxiety is increased given that my mother has been out of work all week because they’ve had trouble regulating her blood sugar and so she’s been really sick and even said so herself she’ll probably end up in the er over the weekend because she doesn’t think she can make it till her next doc appt because she’s miserable, and she’s already been in the er once when this weird shit started happening a month or so ago so the Vacation Curse has me even more concerned than usual, which is saying something. 

there’s a new psych doc working now and everyone is really unsettled by him and we’re pretty sure he’s a genuine psychopath like completely without exaggeration and he’s already done a lot of really creepy things to/with staff members and one nurse said in passing “i’ve known a lot of doctors like him he’ll end up fucking a pt at some point” which we initially left to hyperbole but he’s been doing shit like transporting female pts to other units without the staff’s consent in his own car which is like all kinds of not allowed, and the way he talks to some of the staff is just downright rapey honestly. and so we had a rough case this summer who, through the combined efforts of my squad, we got her from a diagnosis of intellectual disability with schizophrenia, nonverbal, self harming all the time, history of physical and sexual abuse, constantly in restraints and on a 1:1 obs level to a new diagnosis of autism spec with ptsd because her “hallucinations” were /flashbacks/ and she ended up very social and verbose and like fucking read william blake for fun and had a great sense of humor and was off all special observations and had a transfer to another facility pending so she could get more 1:1 long term therapy, and the creepy doctor was covering her case while her actual doc was out of town and he rode all the way to the other hospital with her which is another thing you do not do, and we found out from a coworker that she is now a /2:1/ [two staff members within arm’s reach 24/7], self harming again, in full shutdown/meltdown mode, and nonverbal. and it was such a rapid deterioration that all of us lost sleep over the possibility that this creepy doctor might have done something because even after she was at the other hospital and therefore no longer our pt, /he kept going to see her/. which fucked us up a lot because we were the ones who worked so hard for so long with her. like even the thought of it.

recently had 25th birthday so naturally had a crisis about that because i’d always said my goal was to be out of memphis by 25 and yet here we are. 

another of our fave pts, esp one of /my/ fave pts, died out of literally nowhere. the day before my birthday. so that was great.

also felt really surreal to see the news about the convictions in the holly bobo case, which i found out about when one of my coworkers was reading the news on his phone during a lull one night i forgot that to him and everyone else it’s a national news story [hell it even has its own wikpedia page] but to me it’s just /holly/ because she was /in the class above me in our nursing program/. my first semester in college i remember seeing her face on missing posters on every building on campus. so it was really a weird moment of dissociation for me. glad the motherfucker was found guilty on all charges, obv. 

the tech of mine who got his skull slammed into the floor, the one who’s been out with what can only be called severe psychological trauma, is supposed to be coming back the third week in october. which i just. i mean i’m glad because he’s one of our best guys, but i’m also like /why the fuck would he come back/ because he could be a fucking english professor again. motherfucker spent part of his youth growing up in italy and montreal, lived on the west coast for years, /was/ a college professor, did time as a script doctor in LA, and was a fucking thriller novelist who just gone girled himself for whatever reason and ended up working with us. there’s literally a reddit thread asking if anyone knows what happened to him and i want to be like don’t worry it’s fine he works with me. but so we’re like why would you come back to this place after what happened to you when you have so many other options available to you????? what are you running from that makes you so desperate to keep centering your life around a locked acute psych ward???? why did you gone girl yourself to begin with??? like he was screwed up enough there for a while that he wasn’t even answering his calls or texts and our boss had to send the police to do welfare checks on him because he lives alone so it’s like man why not go back to the life you had before and /get away from all of this/ it’s not like my situation where i’d rather be living a different life but have never done so, he already has the foundation because he’s already lived a different life he has an in that i don’t have and i can’t for the life of me figure out why he thinks working as an acute pysch tech is the better option. 

but i mean. we /do/ call our unit the hotel california for a reason.

[marinette-sky]

Cigarettes and Leather Ch. 4

Long time no see!! (Again)

School got crazy and im stressed to the Max atm. But I really wanted to finish this chapter before AP Exams sooo

;;;;;)

Anyways, Ladybug and Chat Noir finally make their appearance! Along with some other things, but you'll see later...

(also, if you're confused on some of the stuff in the chapter that has to do with the french school system, just see the end notes)

Summary: Chat Noir is adorable, and Ladybug more then agrees (and so does Marinette).  

Word Count: 4,000+ 

A week had gone by since Marinette had (albeit strangely) resolved to become friends with Adrien-freaking-Agreste.

A week had gone by since Marinette had (albeit strangely) resolved to become friends with Adrien-freaking-Agreste.

A whole week.

A week.

Only a week.

Ladybug paced back and forth on the gravel roof she occupied, hands clasped behind her back out of habit. Below her, cars honked, lights blurred, and soft music of all sorts overlaid the pressing silence in her conscience as she contemplated events from the past few days.

Life had been almost the same, except Adrien and she had been hanging around each other more often than all four of their years in college combined. For one, his presence had frequented their homeroom almost every day that week, including early morning roll-call (which he never used to attend). He had stopped sitting in the back, instead opting to sit in the front with Nino, even if all they did was mess around and get scolded by Mrs. Bustier (Alya griped that her boyfriend was being wooed away by Adrien more and more). He was even seen around the courtyard by many people during their lunch period, even though it was resoundingly known that he smoked cigarettes behind the school wall where the cameras couldn’t catch him during that time frame.

It would good to mention the eye contact they made throughout all this was embarrassingly excessive, as they were constantly stealing glances at each other in plain sight.

It would also be good to mention that the glances increased in number when they were alone together in detention.

And the blushing, a voice in her head chimed unhelpfully, lots of blushing!

Ladybug groaned out loud, practically stomping in place to expel the thought from her mind.

God, spare me from these weird emotions!

In the span of seven days, the relationship she had with Adrien had been accelerating at a fast rate, as well as the way she felt about him. She knew she needed to take their friendship at a slower pace, but chatting with him had recently become her favorite pastime. Adrien had a lot of hidden qualities she didn’t know about until now, and every interaction brought a new surprise for her to take delight in.

Except…

She still has yet to see that soft side of him she saw on the steps of their school, with his sunny smile and soft pink cheeks.

Of course, even with all his personality traits he had been hiding from her now up in the air, Adrien was still the flirtatious rebel who wore leather and cussed far more than a person who smoked three times a day should; his temper was still intact too, in addition to his show-off attitude. It is unfair to expect him to warm up to her enough to show her such a reserved part of him in the short time they’ve been getting to know each other; just as she had certain things she uncomfortable with opening up to him about, it was vice-versa for Adrien (she suspected).

Even so…

If it took as long as their last day on campus, Marinette was determined to coax that shining part of him from beneath all the storm clouds and smog. She didn’t know why, but that brief, brief interaction with the other Adrien felt so familiar and tangible, like she was looking at her favorite design or talking with Chat Noir.

At least, that’s how she felt but maybe she was mistaking the feeling for something it wasn’t.

It would just be nice to see Adrien relax and enjoy everyone’s company, because he is definitely on most of the class’s shit list as of late.

Then again, when is he not?

God, I should stop thinking about this now.

Ladybug stopped walking to look up at the night sky, pleased to find the stars winking down in greeting. She let her gaze wander from the stars to the streets, allowing her eyelids to crescent pleasantly. It was a cool, breezy October evening, the perfect weather for that period in the month. This was her absolute favorite time of year to patrol Paris, with the autumn season at its peak and the atmosphere of serenity overlaying their beautiful city (along with the multi-colored leaves!). Everything seemed so connected and harmonious it was hard for Marinette not to escape life for a little while and appreciate her surroundings for what they were worth.

That is, until Tikki scolds me for not doing my homework.

Chuckling at the memory, the female began scanning the Paris scape for a familiar figure, searching for any sign of her partner. Chat Noir always arrived at their meeting spot around this time, but tonight it was apparent he would be late.

As long as he isn’t too late, or else we’ll be out until two in the morning again…

“Ladybug!” A voice from behind shouted, and Marinette smiled.

Speak of the devil.

She turned to address the voice, extending an arm in the air as a hello.

“Chat Noir! Little late, aren’t we?” She teased as the male landed on the roof, earning a shy smile in return.

Cutie.

“I’m sorry, m’lady! I was so busy with my shoot-…I mean my civilian stuff that time just flew by, you know? Haha…” Chat Noir tittered, rubbing the back his neck. Ladybug just shook her head good naturedly and patted his shoulder in reassurance.

“I’m kidding, kitty. You were only a few minutes’ late, not a few hours…unlike last time.” She added, frowning slightly as she recalled a particularly nasty akuma that had cropped up the night that Chat just had to be absent for three hours. By the time he arrived at the scene, Ladybug had successfully stopped the akuma and handed over the victim to the police. He profusely apologized for a good fifteen minutes before Marinette felt bad and forgave him with her kindest smile. He really is too nice for his own good.

“Last time will never happen again, I purr-omise you! Besides, I now have an alarm on my phone that goes off whenever its patrol night!” Chat smiled proudly, revealing pearly white teeth for Ladybug to admire. His cheeks dimpled while a soft blush dusted his slightly-scrunched nose, and Ladybug forgot how to speak for a moment.

How can someone in a leather body suit manage to be so damn adorable?!?! This is unfair!

“R-Really? That’s smart, why haven’t I thought of it before…” She mumbled, looking away to hide her bashful expression. Chat cocked his head to the side in confusion at her reaction, but shrugged it off shortly after.

“Haha, dunno, sounds like a you problem. You know, I’m the brain and you’re the brawn?” Chat joked nudging her with his elbow and grinning like an idiot. Ladybug nudged him right back, adding a little more force to hers. He lost his footing for a split second, arms spiraling to regain balance.

“I’m the brawn alright, kitty.” She remarked, watching the sheepish blush return to his face.

He can be so shy sometimes, I worry.

Chat Noir coughed, shaking the banana locks from that were obscuring his vision out of his face. His emerald stare landed on her again, more serious, which caused butterflies to erupt in her stomach. Although they were surrounded by the jade of his retina, she could tell the shade would be absolutely stunning without the mask.

You can’t have thoughts like this Marinette you know the rules!

“I think we should start our patrol, now, m’lady. You know that I know that we both have homework to get home to before tomorrow.” Chat took on a slightly scolding tone, referencing to the fact that it was a Sunday night and they both procrastinated all weekend.

Well, I did at least, Marinette felt herself grimace as she thought of the tablet full of literature and art history homework waiting on her work desk in her room.

Chat Noir took out his vault, readying it for launch until Ladybug swiftly clasped his tail, causing him to yelp in surprise.

“Not so fast, mister! We need to discuss a little something-something!” Ladybug exclaimed brightly, her homework all but forgotten.

Chat gave her a cautionary glance, looking from the landscape beyond them to her face. He retracted his staff immediately and placed it on his back holster, ears perked in curiosity; his lips curled into a nervous smile.

“What do you mean, m’lady?” He batted his eyelashes out of habit, and Marinette had to hold back a tickled squeal. He was so good looking, even with the mask, it was hard to cope sometimes.

Really hard.

Marinette swallowed, clearing her throat and straightening her posture.

“Your birthday is coming up, right? Next week, I think?” Ladybug asked directly, cheeks reddening ever so subtly.

Chat blinked at her slowly.

“Yeah…next Monday, the 20th . Why do you ask?” He fiddled with his hands, tapping his claws on his wrists.

“Why do I ask? Isn’t it obvious, kitty! We should do something nice, like hang out. Whatever age you’re turning, I’m sure it’s worth celebrating.” Ladybug gave him a mega-watt smile, taking his hands into hers with excitement etched into her body language.

Chat broke into a grin, holding her hands back with more force then necessary. He looked breath taking like that while bathed by the moonlight and stars.

“Wait, really? Are you serious? I’d love to do something with my best friend!” The words ‘best friend’ fractured Ladybug’s heart, but she forced herself to get over it. Not now, dummy.

“That’s good to hear, kitty! We can discuss what the birthday boy agenda is on Tuesday’s patrol, but for now I think we need to start this one.” Marinette giggled happily, tugging her poor fingers from Chat’s iron-like grip. “You know, before we turn into pumpkins.” She winked.

Play it cool, LB, play it cool.

“Awesome! Purr-fect! I think I can manage to wait until Tuesday for this.” Chat once again took out his staff, this time with more finality. “Race you to the first lookout point. Last one there is a ball of yarn.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes at his cheesy parody, slipping her yoyo from her hip and readying the string.

“You’re such a cheese ball, Chat Noir.”

“Don’t you mean hairball?”

“Yeah, yeah, sooo funny. You’re on, kitty!”

They both took off running, and she could hear his laughter over the roar of the wind.

---

By the time Ladybug bid Chat Noir a ‘good night’ and ‘see you on Tuesday, or the next akuma attack’ (whichever comes first), it was already 10:30 PM. Ten minutes later, she had dropped through the trap door above her bed and already wanted to give up all responsibility and go to sleep. Unfortunately, her plan was foiled by Tikki, who was very insistent that Marinette stay up at least an hour and a half more ‘to get as much done as possible’.

‘As much done’ my ass, I’ll get a C on my work either way.

“But Tikki—” Marinette drawled out, already painstakingly making her way down the bed ladder, “My muscles are sore and I’m super tired—!” She made sure to drag out each word to show how unwilling she was to do a two-page report on the blind, French painter Claude Monet.

“I understand, Marinette, but you still need to keep your grades up too! Since we got home late, I can help you out a little.” Tikki patted her cheek sympathetically, and flew to her compartment on Marinette’s desk to fish out a cookie from her designated cookie jar.

The female whined, but nevertheless complied with her kwami’s wishes and dragged her exhausted body to her pink desk chair. Plopping down in a heavy manner on the cushioned seat, Marinette grabbed her touchscreen stylus and booted up her tablet. As soon as she typed in her password, the lass got to work first on her advanced literature homework (they were currently reading Oedipus, and she honestly could not be more disgusted with most of the characters). After scanning and finishing three mind-numbing acts, she began planning out the outline for her report on Claude Monet.

I think my hair is going to fall out at this rate.

Marinette stopped writing to gaze into oblivion at the countless pictures decorating her desk-top surface and wall, opting to tune Tikki’s brief explanation on the history of Monet’s The Japanese Footbridge oil canvas. She had tacked various newspaper clippings of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s accomplishments on the wall next to the computer, each scrap artfully arranged to circle a single framed photo of them.

This is still my favorite picture of Chat and I.

The photo had been taken by Alya, who caught them immediately after an akuma battle that took place in the park near the bakery. It had been a sunny, spring day with only a few clouds to be seen. Ladybug had been in mid-fist bump with Chat Noir when Alya had rushed over and begged for a picture of them in front of the park fountain, in which they agreed.

She made them stand on the edge of the fountain, arms hooked together while their legs were spread apart, like a super hero pose. They were told to smile big for the camera, and Ladybug did until Chat decided to crack a pun at the last second, which sent the two of them into hysterics by the time Alya snapped a shot of them on her phone. With the spray of the water and perfect natural lighting coupled with their genuine grins and stares cast to each other, the picture was perfect.

We hadn’t even been partners for a year, but we were so hopeful and full of laughter.

Those were the simpler days alright.

Marinette’s heart suddenly ached with longing for the past, when she was young and excitable for every akuma thrown at her. She missed getting to know Chat for the first time, and feeling the thrill of a new crush, when it didn’t hurt so much. She missed being chased around by Alya for the Ladyblog, when her bestfriend didn’t have a joint-partnership with the news channel so others could do that job for her.

Everything had changed so much since then, when Marinette was still learning what being Ladybug truly meant.

Now she was almost an adult, with a future to think about and priorities to straighten out.

Life moves on, whether we like it or not.

The sound of a phone chiming interrupted Marinette’s train of thought, subsequently ending her internal freak out for the night.  Tikki, being the saint she was, retrieved it from her school bag and set it down in front of her with an irritated expression.

I bet she knew I stopped listening…

“Who is it?” The kwami asked as Marinette unlocked her phone.

She scanned her notifications, startled to find that she had seven missed calls from Alya from earlier in the evening.

Strange, but it’s too late to call back now.

“I have seven missed calls from Alya, Tikki. I wonder what was so important.” She said feeling little more than perturbed as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“That doesn’t sound good. Was the new message from her, then?”

“No, it’s from-” Marinette began to say, tapping on the conversation.

Adrien: hey u still up?

“-Adrien.” From the corner of her eye, she saw Tikki scowl slightly and cross her tiny arm-like appendages in disfavor.  

“Oh.” The kwami curtly replied, settling on the edge of her shoulder to peer at the tiny screen of the phone. She could feel her judgmental gaze on her hands as Marinette responded to him.

Marinette: Yeah. Currently dying over an art history report atm.

Adrien: o? sucks to be u then lmao I finished all my hw

Marinette: Lucky you. Whats your stream btw?

Adrien: humanities. 4 hrs of French. Lit, then philosophy, English, geo, history, physics

Marinette: Same here, but ik I have lit and philosophy with you. For me, I have English, geo and art history is 2 hours.

Adrien: the fuck??? art history sounds boring asf

Marinette: Look whos talking, you take physics. How will that help you on le bac?

Adrien: stfu kim is in there bc nino and ivan were bastards an didn’t want a maths

Adrien: tho he always talks shit w/ Max so i hve to force myself 2 be interested in physics

Marinette: Whatever you say, nerd.

Adrien: stfu im getting a call so ttyt

Marinette: K bye.

Marinette’s soft smile that had formed when they started texting dissipated into a frown at Adrien’s abrupt exit. She set aside her phone slowly, hoping he would come back again but that was not the case.

Who would be calling him so late at night? Weird…

“He left so quickly even though he was the one that contacted you first, Marinette. Don’t you think that’s rude of him?” Tikki observed, huffing.

Marinette stretched her arms above her head, yawning.

“No, not really. I just think it’s weird that someone would be calling him so late at night. I wonder who it could be.” She stood up as she replied, being especially careful not to make noise with her office chair. Tikki watched her movement, eyes alight with curiosity.

“I see…wait, where are you going? Downstairs?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to get water.” Marinette padded across the room, as quiet as a mouse. Just when she opened her floor hatch an inch, voices from downstairs drifted into her room. Frozen in place, she listened cautiously to see who would be up so late at night (besides her and Tikki, of course).

What the hell?

The quiet buzz of the living room TV and the hushed voices of her parents registered in her brain, and Marinette immediately felt her shoulders relax. They were just watching the news—

Hold on a minute.

The female tensed again, more anxious then before. It was very unlike her parents to stay up so late on a weekday, especially since her father woke up at four every day to ready the bakery for early morning customers. In addition to this, her mother had always come up around ten o’clock to kiss her goodnight, but she had yet to do that. Something on the television was keeping them uncharacteristically occupied, or at least that is what she gathered from the grave mood downstairs.

But, what is it? Mama and Papa only whisper when they’re worried…

Marinette instinctively leaned forward, eager to find out what the newswoman was saying.

“…Gang violence…college student…unusual injury…” Nadja Chamack spoke professionally into what the girl assumed to be a microphone. Tikki landed on her shoulder, also listening closely.

Gang violence? What? It’s too hard to hear!

“Two students…badly hurt…Dupont…” She heard Tikki gasp when Nadja rattled off the names of the incident. Thoroughly perplexed, Marinette edged the door open even more, practically sticking her head down the stairs. Whatever Manon’s mother just said, it was enough to shock her kwami.

Instead of quietly keeping her perch, Tikki flew off her shoulder and pushed her tiny appendages against her cheek.

“Mari, no, don’t listen! It’s not something you want to hear!” She squeaked, and the heroine yelped.

“What do you-ack!”

Naturally, this action backfired and she lost balance of her feet and crashed to the carpet rather loudly while slamming the trapdoor shut.

“Oh, shit! Tikki, hide!” The female whispered frantically, scampering to her bed post and up the ladder. Tikki was close behind.

They both hid under the polka-dotted covers, with the kwami nestled into the crook of her elbow. Somehow, in her scramble and the excitement of that night, Marinette had lost on of her precious pig-tails, and now her frizzy hair was splayed all along the pillow like a raven halo of madness.

Goddammit, I hate when my hair is down! Where did my hair tie go…?

Just then, the door slammed open and Marinette heard the familiar patter of her father’s footsteps, her mother following in suit.

“Marinette, darling? Is something wrong?” Sabine spoke, an unusual edge to her voice.

Stay still, stay still!

Marinette dared not to respond, curling around Tikki to shield her from prying eyes. The bed rattled as the mother climbed up to check on her daughter, every tremor setting the female further on high alert. A thorn of anxiety wedged itself in her heart when she felt a small hand touch her ankle.

Don’t react!

“Sweetheart, is she awake?” Tom asked, walking closer to his wife.

“No, I don’t think so…but if she isn’t awake, then what was that noise?” Her mother worriedly curled her tiny fingers around Marinette’s ankle, and she had to fight from flinching.

“Sabine, I think you’re still on edge from the newscast. I doubt anyone could sneak into our daughter’s room without me hearing them.” Tom said confidently. Marinette smirked to herself, biting down a chuckle.

Oh, papa, if only you knew…

“But still, Tom…it happened those poor boys.” Sabine let go of her ankle and climbed down the ladder again, and Marinette peeked over her covers ever the slightest to look at her parents.

Tom had an arm slung around Sabine’s shoulders in a comforting manner, while Sabine looked deeply distressed.

Her mother pursed her lips.

“Imagine how devastated she’ll be when she finds out tomorrow, Tom. Should we even let her go to school?”

What the hell are they talking about?! I have a bad feeling about all of this.

“Nonsense, dear! Francois Dupont has a strict no strangers’ policy, plus the college is right next to the house. We can watch her go if it will make you feel better, but our little girl can handle her own as you know.” Both parents shared a knowing look and Marinette blushed in embarrassment.

Yeah…they would know after all these years, wouldn’t they?

Sabine nodded in agreement to her husband’s proposal, slipping an arm around his waist.

“I would like that. Now, let’s leave before we actually wake her up.” Marinette ducked hurriedly out of sight when her mother glanced at her bed, praying she didn’t notice her staring.

As soon the trap door shut, and the footsteps of her parents grew further away until the night was silent again, Marinette jerked from her fetal position on the mattress. She stared wide-eyed at Tikki, the both of them attempting to process the confusing information her parents had bestowed upon them by accident.

“Tikki, you don’t think…?” Marinette trailed off, the worst coming to mind.

What if an akuma attack happened without me knowing, and citizens were severely injured?

What if an akuma knocked over the Eiffel Tower and crushed a shopping strip?

What if Hawk Moth himself came out of hiding and is now wreaking havoc on Paris?

What if-

Tikki vigorously shook her head at Marinette’s implication, frowning deeply.

“We would have definitely known if there was an akuma attack, Marinette.” Tikki said bluntly, crossing her arms in a thoughtful manner. “This has to be something else and something very bad.”

Marinette did not miss the note of worry tinging her kwami’s voice, or the nervous twitch of her antenna. Judging by her demeanor, there was another force Tikki seemed to be apprehensive of.

But what?

“Should I transform and sweep the city again? Maybe I’ll find what Mama and Papa were talking about.” The girl questioned, dread pooling in the bottom of her stomach. Butterflies were twisting her insides around, and they felt much worse than the presence of any of Hawk Moth’s creations.

In the distance, the blades of a helicopter could be heard, sending goosebumps to dance along the edges of her spine. Car honked, and music played, but something felt very off about the night now.

Marinette stood up on her bedspread and curled a hand around the trapdoor handle leading to the room’s balcony, hesitant to open it. It was almost eleven o’clock at night, and she had school tomorrow; but, if she didn’t do this now, the anxiety would eat at her until sunrise. Tikki seemed to have sensed her indecision, and came to rest on her shoulder.

“Marinette, you don’t have to do this right now. We have all tomorrow to investigate, and I’m sure whatever happened will be the talk of Paris for a day. Get some rest tonight, and you’ll feel refreshed for tomorrow!” She spoke softly, nuzzling into the female’s cheek in a comforting manner.

Marinette let her hand drop from the door handle, suddenly exhausted.

She’s right. I can’t do much right now if I don’t know anything, especially in the condition I’m in.

She let herself fall back onto the bed once more, turning on her side and dipping her knees onto her abdomen. Faint light from the window below her loft illuminated the dark space of the room, casting flickering shadows on the soft pink walls. The muffled murmur of her monitor and tablet could be heard, filling her ears with a strangely familiar buzz.

It was eerie.

Hopefully the situation won’t escalate to something worse by tomorrow morning…

Happy? Surprised? Intrigued?

Can you guess what happened at the end of the chapter?? (im curious hah)

Also, I'm so happy that a lot of you like the story thus far!! I never expected such an out-pour of support, tbh, but it just really motivates me to write more and get better at my writing style.

Le Bacc** okay so in french education it is basically this big test seniors in high school take at the end of their high school career, where they had previously, for two years, been taking classes that were specifically aimed towards their career path, but they don't call it 'career path' they call it a 'stream' (I.E. students in the literary stream prepare for careers in the humanities such as education, linguistics, and public service. They also have interests in the arts. The most important subjects in the literary stream are Philosophy and French language & literature and other languages, usually English, German and Spanish.)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baccalaur%C3%A9at link if you're interested in le bacc :)

[oajpw5f3-blog]

Home, Car, Health insurance? How to Get?

Home, Car, Health insurance? How to Get?

How can I get car, health, home, insurance. What documents do I need to present, do I need car insurance to drive in every state? does any company provides the three services? What is the best way to acquire them? what steps should I follow?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :bestinsureonline.xyz

SOURCES:

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[warmau]

{Friends-to-Lovers!AU} Minhyun

another edited commission, but it was nice to write something long for w1′s vocal visual hehe~ 

to be honest, you blame jaehwan for all the madness that occurs at the beginning of the new fall semester

because if he hadn’t been so enthusiastic in all his damn ambitions, maybe minhyun would have decided that a bake sale was more fitting or a can drive,,,,,

but no - jaehwan had slammed his hand down against the desk during the charity club meeting and loudly exclaimed “let’s go big! or go home! A FULL BLOWN CARNIVAL!”

unfortunately, jonghyun had beamed at the idea

dongho,,,,slightly more wary finally shrugged and caved in and minki was already talking about themes, banners, colorful pretty lights!!!!!!

the rest of the members all chimed and buzzed in agreement and excitement - college was always dull and depressing a carnival was sure to spark interest

only minhyun, the ever voice of reason, bit back his lip and chewed in thought

you, who had been sitting across from him wanted to ask if he was thinking the same thing you were - how expensive would this be? how much work? could they do it-

but before you could, jaehwan wrapped an arm around the seniors neck and grinned

“c’mon,,,,,,,,,,,,,you’re the new leader of the club,,,,,,imagine how good this is going to look when you graduate!!!!”

you hadn’t noticed the breathe you sucked in,,,,,,

that was right - this was minhyun’s last year in college. after this,,,,,he was off to actual med school and you,,,,,,,

his junior,,,,,,,,,wouldn’t see him as much again

minhyun’s eyes, always a docile and calming brown brightened up and you knew - he was convinced

jaehwan grinned, ear to ear in his usual way and shook minhyun’s shoulders in glee

“WE’RE GOING TO PUT ON A CARNIVAL!”

“yes, but all the proceeds are going to the children’s hospital - we are a charity club after all.”

jaehwan nodded at the notion, but almost immediately jumped into the group conversation about plans

dongho, minki, and jonghyun gravitated that way too

and soon it was just you and minhyun

“is this a bad idea?”

minhyun’s voice made you look up at him, his side profile coming into your view as he stared at the group

you cherished the sight a bit more, the daunting idea of his graduation on your mind even though you still had this whole year ahead of you

“it’s a little,,,,,,,,,crazy but,,,,,,”

minhyun turns finally, gaze settled on you

“but it could raise a lot of money for the hospital, and that’s why you joined this club right? to help out the kids?”

minhyun hummed a “yes” before smiling and,,,,,,,,god did it make your heart beat just a millisecond faster

reaching out, he ruffled the top of your hair

“you always know what to say, thank you.”

he got up, shifting his way into the center of the blabbering group

while you sat there and watched,,,,,,minhyun’s words still making the skin on your face turn softly hot

to put it simply, you and minhyun had become friends through minki

originally you had planned to join the fashion club, headed by minki at the time

unfortunately you and another person were the only two to show up to the first meeting and minki was devastated, the second week - it was only you and him

it was still fun, talking with minki about the latest runways over coffee and gushing over art exhibits around the city

but at some point - it was less a club, and more or less just friends hanging out

and on one afternoon, you had met up with minki to go see a mini reveal show at a small designers studio when you realized there was another person with him

upon first seeing him, minhyun had seemed almost unreal - with a skin so smooth and untroubled, eyes of earthy velvet brown, and a smile that pulled his slightly curved lips into a mischievous and almost beckoning smile

you found yourself nearly speechless when minki introduced him with a casual wave, minhyun reaching out to shake your hand

when he’d asked your name, you barely managed to stutter it out

but as the show went on, minki being as lissome as ever as he spoke to random people and other designers

you and minhyun grew closer, both quiet and reserved unlike ren

he had told you he was pre-med, hoping to become a dermatology doctor at some point. you both liked similar books and found minki’s undying energy amusing. you also both valued organization - both in fashion and in your daily lives

so it wasn’t hard to get close

the only thing that you felt barred you two was the fact that minhyun had,,,,,,,,,,a face like that

a face that you didn’t think belonged sitting the crowd beside you

but up there, on stage, with all the other models

when everything was over, minki had half a dozen invitations to afterparties

all of which he said he could refuse and go to dinner with you and minhyun instead

but minhyun shook his head and told minki to go have fun, something almost paternal in the way he addressed him

you were expecting to part ways, but minhyun grew up mannered

you two got something to eat somewhere inexpensive and kept talking, at some point that night minhyun had said “you seem like my kind of person, those are hard to find”

you weren’t sure if minhyun remembered that, it was a while ago when you were still a freshman, but you did

and in a weird sense it had made you feel proud,,,,,because minhyun was popular - by no means was he ever lonely or lacking attention, but he was,,,,,,,selective with the people he brought in close

you were one of them,,,,,,,,it had happened to naturally but so fast that at some point you didn’t notice but you weren’t only friends with minhyun

you were friends with his inner circle, dongho, minki and jonghyun all welcoming you with kindness

and ok,,,,,so what that it made you feel special,,,,,,,,,

classmates and campus students alike clamoured to be at the attention of one of these four boys - but it was like you had been chosen

sometimes you’d daydream a bit about it,,,,,how it happened,,,,,,what was next

and embarrassingly, that would include bits and pieces of this idealistic future,,,,,,,with minhyun

minhyun whose handsome face glowed when you came around, his hands tracing the skin of your cheek, lips parting “my kind of person”,,,,,,the feeling like feathered wings of his mouth grazing yours -

but then you’d snap from it, pulled into reality

like now, when november was half over and the carnival was scheduled for the upcoming weekend

and even though the weather was chilly, the hype of it was undeniable on campus - everyone wanted to go

to eat at food stalls, play games, and unwind from the dawning of finals

all for a good cause, to help the children’s hospital minhyun was so passionate about and that you, in turn, had become passionate about too

but even though your initial fears about this being crazy had come to light, volunteers and club members all breaking their backs to get their parts done

there was one thing that irked at you the most

and it was,,,,,,,,the job minhyun had assigned to you

“you’re so visually observant - i think you’d be great at making the opening banner. something eye catching and beautiful, but that still tells people why we’re doing this carnival.”

the compliments had made you feel weak in the knees for a moment, but then minhyun moved his head and pointed to jonghyun

“you can help them right?”

that weakness in your knees was abruptly changed to a sort of heaviness,,,,,,,you don’t know why or what made you think minhyun would pick to work on a task with you

when he had so much to oversee, so much to check up on

but,,,,,,a small tiny sliver of your heart had harbored hope

that you and minhyun would be together, hands and clothes stained in paint - laughing together in the sunlight of an open classroom, excited for the carnival

excited,,,,,,,,,together

but jonghyun nodded and minhyun was off to go assign other roles

your eyes avoid jonghyuns when he comes over to plan with you, they don’t necessarily look for minhyun but for some reason you’re even more closed off than usual

jonghyun doesn’t seem to mind or notice, he’s too busy trying to figure out your tiny budget

and now, after its been a couple of weeks working together with jonghyun you two are nearly finished

and you know minhyun is going to be coming in to check up on it

for a bit, you consider letting jonghyun handle it alone - he can explain it to minhyun why the banner is this color why they choose the clipart of the children and the balloons

you just,,,,,for some odd reason,,,,,don’t want to be around minhyun for this

it’s kind of childish - to be hurt ,,,,,, but you are

and you are because this whole time, as you toiled alongside jonghyun to paint and cut and decorate

you could catch minhyun bustling around

the people around him, the pretty other pre-med students and the starstruck volunteers with nice smiles and affectionate touches to minhyun’s shoulder

at one point you were sure you saw him hand his phone over to one of them,,,,,,smile in the way you thought he only smiled when he was around the people he genuinely cared about  his bestfriends - the people,,,,,,he loved

and yes, he was working hard and sweating over this charity carnival night and day, but he was also surrounded by opportunities to meet people more personally

tell them,,,,,,,,they were his kind of people,,,,,,,,

everything had just been bubbling inside you, settling finally at the surface when you stood there

jonghyun beside you with a proud smile, minhyun looking over the banner carefully

“it’s great, do you think you two can hang it up about an hour before the carnival starts?”

jonghyun gives a kind “of course!”

minhyun’s eyes turn to you, but your own bolt to the floor

“can you be there too?”

with your hands folded across your chest, the large sleeves of your cardigan basically enveloping your frame

you shake your head, “im not going to the carnival. i have to study for a final that day, sorry.”

you ,,,,,,,,, aren’t sure why you say what you say

it’s all of those feelings at the surface that come spilling out of you to the shock of both jonghyun and minhyun

you know jonghyun is just going to say ‘oh but you put some much work into this!’ and minhyun is going to ask, simply ‘why?’

so you give a sort of timid bow and leave, hurrying out into the cold of the approaching winter

and you don’t expect to be followed - and you’re not

instead, your phone buzzes in your back pocket, but you don’t check it

from minhyun: is something wrong? please please please tell me

on the day of the carnival, you wander across your nearly abandoned dorm

everyone is there, you’re sure of it. bundled in scarves and hats but laughing amidst the cold, enjoying the games and the food, couples trying to win prizes for one and another and even professors coming out to show support

but you just walk the dorm, lost in your mind as you try to figure out what to eat for breakfast

the common kitchen is empty of course, and you put on morning coffee. everything seems like it’s in slow motion

that’s why you don’t react when you hear someone come in, not until you hear their voice

and the morning grogginess makes it hard for you to tell who it is

“minhyun is worried sick, let’s get you dressed and go to the carnival.”

you see minki, a look of desperation you’re not used to seeing is scrawled over his features and you just shake your head

“breakfast,,,,,,,,,,,,and final-”

“everyone has finals, but everyone is at the carnival. go get dressed and eat breakfast there, your favorite place is catering one of the stalls.”

you know it’s a bribe, but you also know that going to the carnival means seeing minhyun and,,,,,,,,

having to explain why you did what you did, said what you did

and you don’t want to, you don’t want to lie to him and the truth stings worse - “oh why didn’t you pick to work with me? you’re graduating and we won’t see each other a lot - but you’re fine hanging around others - doing work with them - i wanted memories with you,,,,,”

but minki is unmoved as you try to think of something to say, he pulls you by the wrist back to your room where he has you haphazardly throw on a coat and you find yourself following behind him

“thanks for bringing them.”

minhyun is in front of you now, at the opening of the carnival - you and jonghyun’s banner overhead

you blink at him as minki waves goodbye, but look away when he meets your gaze

“what’s going on?”

words are hard to process without your breakfast, with the cold whipping your cheeks

“why did you send minki,,,,,,,,,,,”

you start, slowly and then feel something turn in the pit of your stomach - it’s not hunger

“you couldnt,,,,,,,,,come yourself?”

minhyun’s face down casts, a shadow of something makes its way over his features and you feel guilty

obviously he had to be running this carnival,,,,,god why can’t you think before you speak,,,,,you really need to eat something and wake up

but then minhyun reaches out and you feel something settle on your shoulders

you touch it, the fabric is soft - it’s minhyun’s coat that he’s shrugged off

“you’re quivering. why did minki pull you out here in your pajamas,,,,,”

you open your mouth to protest, you also have your jacket on - but it’s true the extra layer stops the cold from coming in much better

but now,,,,minhyun in just a turtleneck looks like he might freeze

but somehow he doesn’t seem phased at all, instead his eyes are searching yours and he looks like he’s thought long and hard about what he’s about to say

“this is my last year, after this med school is going to,,,,,,,,,,,is going to take me away from here. away from you and i -”

the sounds of the carnival die away, the words ‘away from you’ ring like uninterrupted white noise in your mind

minhyun pauses but then breathes and it’s so cold you can see it

“and i don’t want that. i don’t want that all, but i only have a limited amount of time to enjoy your company everyday, to see you everyday and im sick and tired of wasting it. i don’t know what i did or what happened but i,,,,,,need you.”

you can’t help but be pulled into minhyun’s eyes this time around

“i need you so don’t run away from me like that anymore, please. be by my side while time allows it.”

his words make sense, you know what he’s saying but what ,,,,,,,,, but what does it mean

minhyun is not oblivious and although he knows that other people flirt their way up to him, surround him in a cloud of suggestive atmospheres

he has never ever wavered - it’s been you and it has been you since you met

his hand comes up, slightly chilled from the lack of layers and you want to say something back but all you can say is

“you’re cold,,,,,,,”

opening your arms, minhyun pulls you toward him

and suddenly it makes sense, what he said and what it means

his head buries itself in your neck and his lips graze the warm skin and tremble

“be next to me,,,,,,,,be mine,,,,,,”

the sound of the carnival comes back, everyone too distracted to see you and him clutching onto each other

“ok,,,,,” you answer and it’s just a sleepy whisper, but it makes minhyun hold you tighter and when he pulls back just enough to kiss you

it as sweet and light as you remember it in your daydreams

your emotions conflate in your heart - fireworks of adrenaline, calm waves of relief, and small fires of embarrassment for the sudden pda

but it’s worth it when he pulls back and he’s not just minhyun, your friend anymore

he’s something more,,,,,,and you’re more to him

one of the many perks of having friends turn to lovers is they seem to know you,,,,,better than anyone else

[shrubforhire]

Asks 1-100

I did this to myself

100 Questions

1: Do you sleep with your closet door opened or closed? usually open

2: Can you whistle? no and im fucking PISSED

3: What is your favorite quote? my old science teacher once said “grandma’s a slut!”

4: Are you afraid of the dark? only if ive seen something spooky

5: Who taught you how to tie your shoes? bunny ears bitch

6: What is your favorite color? rn like a nice lavendar

7: What is your birthday? april 21st 2000!

8: Can you swim? poorly

9: What’re you wearing right now? a striped sweater (the best time to wear it is all the time)

10: Who’s your character crush, and what book/movie are they from? Marceline the vampire queen yea say what you want

11: What was the last thing you thought about? Being in gay denial for so many years and not realizing why i liked marceline the vampire queen so much

12: What was the last thing you said out loud? goodnight!

13: Are you superstitious? yea a little,, i chill w the ghosties on our haunted campus. and i think theres a ghost in my room tbh

14: How many bones have you broken?

0 babeyy

15: What’s your favorite candy? Ferraro Roche

16: Sour, Sweet, Spicy, or Savory? sweet :)

17: What’s your favorite junk food? im a slut for cotton candy

18: What’s your favorite letter of the alphabet? q

19: What’s your favorite number? 7, ima basic thot

20: Dogs or Cats? Dots, Cags

21: Do you play any sports? If yes, what are they? I played baseball for a year!! and soccer for 2!

22: If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Aria

23: Do you believe in ghosts? yea

24: Who’s your favorite Disney Princess? Moana

25: What inspires/motivates you the most? hearing other peoples stories and knowing they’ve felt the exact same way i do

26: Do you believe in aliens?

honestly,,,,,, not rly. like i believe in life on other planets,, but they will just be like beings ya know,,, not rly like hollywood aliens

27: Do you have any irrational fears? If yes, what are they? i always think cars are gonna flip over when they turn rly fast

28: Do you have any pets? If yes, what are their names?

a lil sausage named bernie!

29: What’s your favorite song right now? prolly fake happy by paramore

30: Can you rap? poorly. but okay for a white person ig??

31: What would you do if you had 24 hours to live? be a giant ho

32: Do you have any allergies? If you do, what are they? nope!!

33: Do bugs freak you out?

if they’re right up in my face im kinda like dbasfkjbdfke but normally not too much.

34: Who’s your favorite Disney Prince? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

35: What’s your favorite Grimm brothers fairy-tale? rapunzel 

36: Can you sing? god i hope so

37: Who’s your favorite singer? barrett wilbert weed

38: What is your favorite restaurant? hobnob!

39: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go, and why? Hawaii so i could remember it better

40: Who’s your favorite band/duo? Paramore!!!!!

41: Do you write fan-fiction? ive written fan fiction exclusively about my friends and about hand sanitizer

42: What continent are you from? murica

43: Do you still live in the city you grew up in? i lived in reston virginia til i was 5, then i grew up in portland, but i go to school in illinois!

44: What’s your favorite animal? giraffe!!!!!!

45: What was the last lie you told? it was more a half truth when i told my girlfriend what i think about at work

46: Do you have any long-term goals? What are they?

47: Would you save your worst enemy’s life? yea cuz i dont rly have a worst enemy, and if i did its been so long that they’re probably cooler now

48: What’s your usual flavor of ice cream? cookie dough

49: How often do you try new things? preeeeetty often, i love tryin shit

50: Do you have a catchphrase? What is it? we cant all be winners

51: What is your favorite word? pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

52: What’s your favorite fruit? mango

53: Are you in any fandoms? If yes, what are they? oh this is a lil cursed,,,, imma just say fuckin gravity falls

54: What’s your favorite board game? i play the most sorry these days so i guess that

55: Have you ever made a sandcastle? only really shitty ones

56: Have you ever made a snow man? yes!

57: What’s your biggest pet peeve? when people say something is fermenting when oxygen is present

58: Have you ever role-played? yea,,,,

59: Who’s your favorite super-hero? i rly dont follow stuff,,, imma say spiderman cause ive liked his movies the most lately

60: Who’s your favorite Disney villain? Yzma

70: Do you have any pets? What animal are they? What are their names? see question 28

71: Do you play any instruments? What are they? ukulele, piano, some guitar, shitty drums, and u kno wat imma say tambourine

72: Can you snap? hell yea

73: Who’s your favorite Greek god? it changes like every day,,,, i rly like athena tho

74: How many blogs do you have? 2

75: Was your url your first choice? If not, what was? oh gosh,,, i think my first url was cipherstuck lmao

76: What’s your favorite swear word? frick

77: How many posts have you made? too many

78: How many followers do you have? some amount

79: What’s the last thing you ate? chicken parm

80: What percentage is your phone battery right now? 54%

81: What time zone are you in? pacific babeyyyyy

82: What’s your OTP? Elanor and Tahani

83: What’s your favorite kind of weather? warm but still windy enough but theres sun

84: What’s your favorite season? early and late summer when its warm but theres shit goin on

85: Who’s your celebrity crush? hayley williams

86: Do you keep a diary? i did for a hot minute,, i do little checkup apps, but i havent journaled in a while

87: What’s your shoe size? 6 1/2

88: What’s your Hogwarts house? heck if i know, crucify me

89: What’s your favorite punctuation mark? ; because i never know when to fucking use it but it sure looks funny

90: Are you reading any books right now? What are the titles? nope!! im a little whore

91: What mythical animal do you wish existed? pokemon

92: Who’s your favorite Greek goddess? another for free???? artemis

93: Where do you wish you live? new york but for free

94: What color(s) is your favorite shirt? gray and pink

95: How many languages do you speak? What are they? english and lesbian

96: What’s your favorite gum flavor? gum

97: Do you have braces? nope

98: What’s your MBTI?

it was enfj now i think its enfp i forget

99: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? extroverrrrtttt

100: What’s your zodiac sign? taurus