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neutron-stars-collision · 4 years ago

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 19 - Holy Ground

Masterlist; Chapter 18

Summary: In the days before the mission in Tallinn, you and Neil have a few conversations to clear the air of doubts. Only, the mission itself proves to be a disruption...

Warnings: Swearing; mild violence.

Author’s Notes: Here we go, my favourite mission (and favourite Neil outfit too). This is only part one of the Tallinn action because so much happens... as you’ll see. I’m sorry. I really am. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

Song mentioned is: ‘Holy Ground’ by Within Temptation (I’ll share it in a post later but basically listen to it after reading and you’ll know why I’m obsessed)

Edit is courtesy of my amazing friend @sh3tani once again (ilysm and thanks for everything 💕)

The upcoming days were busy. You have been assigned the task of getting hold of some of the vehicles and artillery TP wanted for the heist in Tallinn. It was difficult, not only because it is actually rather hard to acquire a fire truck with no records left from the transaction, but also because you barely had any clue what you were actually doing. And so, most of the time, you were sat at the dining table in the flat, calling various shady people Neil gave you contacts to. Sometimes, a tea would appear in front of you, courtesy of the other team members thoroughly apologizing for how they handled the ‘alley situation’.

It seemed like your late-night walk and the cold treatment you gave everyone (including Neil) for the next 24 hours afterward worked. The jokes have ended, and contrition took their place, usually in the form of extreme helpfulness, random acts of kindness, and, in Neil’s case, a break from teasing. At least for a short while.

The only development you were not so sure of was the fact that the whole team decided to label your relationship. Not just any label but dating, verging on a couple. And that was rather terrifying. It struck you especially the night before when you have minded your own business in the kitchen. Watching over the pasta boiling on the stove, you listened to the plans made by Ives. He was trying to settle on the best way to track Neil during the heist when he suddenly turned to you with a question:

“Has your boyfriend told you what kind of car they are going for in the end?” the neutral tone made you skim over the term at first.

But then your brain caught up. What?! You almost toppled over the whole pot of pasta onto the floor when trying to drain it. Fuck. Ives was staring at you quizzically, as though confused about your current state.

“I… Who?” you stammered out the question, knowing it will only make everything worse.

“Neil” Ives grinned, “Unless you’ve gone for an open relationship and there’s another boyfriend involved”

“Christ, please stop” sighing, you tried to calm down just enough to function “I believe he’s going for a BMW, don’t know what series but something fast enough just in case there was a chase” triumphantly, you poured the sauce over the noodles.

“I’ll need to give him a call about it” Ives smacked his tongue thoughtfully.

“Feel free” using the opportunity, you grabbed the cutlery and escaped into your room.

Boyfriend? Now that was something to cause anxiety. Because despite everything that happened, all the things you have told Neil and got in return, you had no clue what you were supposed to be. Not really. Yes, sometimes you let yourself entertain the idea that maybe you were together, maybe he was your lover. But… was he? Could he ever be that?

With those thoughts occupying your mind, you only managed to last until afternoon the next day before giving in. After failing to contact a car dealer for the fifth time and realising that you have completely messed up the route plan due to forgetting about important details, you closed the laptop. It was hard to think when all your brain did was give reasons for why Neil would never actually want to be with you. To summarise: you were not enough, naïve, hopeless, and dumb enough to think that someone this incredible could think about you seriously. Stifling the sudden desire to breakdown and give up on everything, you dialed his number. He picked up almost instantly.

“Yes, my love?” your heart clenched at the nickname.

“Hi… um… Do you have a moment?” you cringed at the awkwardness.

“For you? Always”

Maybe, on another day, that would have made you smile. But that was not that kind of a day.

“Neil, I’m serious,” sighing, you rested your head on the cold wall behind your bed.

“What’s wrong?” his tone switched from playful to concerned.

Okay… now there’s no turning back.

“I’ve just been thinking...” you started, debating on the best way to breach the topic.

“Oh no”

Damn him. You cracked a small smile, knowing that was the intention. You could almost picture him at this moment, sat in some absolutely strange position in the armchair, nothing but long legs and ruffled hair. You did have it pretty bad.

“Shut up” you took a deep breath and blurted out “It’s probably stupid, and feel free to ignore this but... what even are we?”

There it is. Your whole existence hanged on his reply. But, of course, Neil needed more clarification than that…

“How do you mean?” his careful tone made your heart rate elevate.

The result was a string of sentences you shot out with the speed of a machine gun.

“Because everyone here assumes we’re dating. And Ives called you my boyfriend last night, and I don’t... I don’t know if that’s what’s going on and-”

“Okay, calm down,” he interrupted your rant “Take a deep breath” he waited until he could hear you exhale to continue “What do you want this to be? Because we’re the only people who have a say about it” the diplomatic tone made you frown.

But then maybe he just wanted to get your point of view before saying anything substantial… Trouble was you had no clue. Picking on a loose thread on your sweater, you sighed:

“I don’t know” maybe this was the right time to give him another piece of mind? “I always hated labels because when you name something, it becomes real” you admitted, letting yourself slide down onto the pillows.

Nothing could hurt you there. Apart from potential rejection from the likely love of your life. Basically, fml, as the kids say.

“What about good things?” his question caught you off guard.

“Well, yeah, but… once there’s a couple, then there can be a break-up” the insecurity had an answer for that too.

Your cheeks heated up upon saying the word. Because even that felt like a step too far. Like maybe you were clingy. Obnoxious. Someone he could want to get rid of as quickly as possible. Before you decided to back out of the conversation, he replied:

“That’s a rather bleak way of looking at things” it was still that thoughtful tone.

A burden then.

“I know” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

But the next thing he said was rather surprising…

“I’ll need to work on making you more optimistic. Not because I don’t like you the way you are, but because I want you to realise how wrong you are sometimes” the conviction and practical implications of the statement made you speechless.

The future tense. The admission that he did like you, with your countless issues and overbearing anxiety. It couldn’t be, could it? Neil took your stunned silence as permission to say more:

“From my side, let me say that dating doesn’t quite cut it because it implies not being sure... And…” despite yourself, your ears perked up, wanting to know what he meant.

“Yeah?” you prodded, trying to toe that precarious line between curiosity and fear of rejection.

“I’m not really in the trial stages anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever been” he clearly wanted to tell you more but was holding back.

Maybe it was for the better. Before you could think about a response to that, Neil added:

“Basically, we don’t have to use any labels. We’re just us” the simplicity of that statement broke through your resolve, making tears well up “Me and you. We know best what that implies and no one else matters” quietly, you sobbed, and he laughed before choosing to put that final nail in the metaphorical coffin “You’re my love, and that’s the only nickname I need” Neil sounded happy, as though despite your worries, he wanted to say that “I can be your idiot, as long as I’m yours” the punchline came with an audible smug smile.

Oh my god. You laughed, with tears still silently falling down your cheeks and heart hammering in your chest. He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Suddenly asking that crucial question was not that scary. Because maybe today was the day when would tell you, without alcohol or worries prompting the confession. Taking the plunge, you spoke:

“Neil, do you-”

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted you with an answer.

“I haven’t even asked the question” you frowned, unsure whether that kind of an answer was better than a confession.

Because, yes, he already said it once (almost twice), but both those have been anything but thoughtful. And your ever doubting brain was quick to use that fact against you.

“But I know the answer” he sounded certain.

Perhaps too certain.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to tell you over the phone” Neil sighed heavily on the other end “Listen, I have to go… but call me or text if you need to talk” he hesitated before adding, “No matter what I want you to remember what I said that night in London”

Oh… It was the first time any of you brought it up. You just assumed it was one of the things that just slipped out in an unguarded moment. You wanted it to be true, but then that was too risky. But maybe not…?

“I heard you” you whispered despite being alone in the room.

“I know” you could picture the soft smile he sometimes gave you “Goodbye, my love. Good luck with work” at the reminder of the piles of papers still waiting, you groaned, causing him to laugh.

“Will be needed since what you’ve assigned me is close to impossible” the change of the topic was dearly welcomed.

Grabbing the laptop again, you opened it up and felt all the motivation dissolve upon the sight of the route waiting to be planned. Coffee will be needed. And maybe whiskey too.

“I believe in you,” Neil broke your brooding with a comment, “And it’s not really me who assigned it” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot” unable to stop the grin on your face, you ended the call.

So maybe it was worth calling… Even if only to learn that he was in fact yours. And that he did not mind your insecurity or moments of anxiety. Maybe all this had some more potential than heartbreak and tragedy? Ignoring all the thoughts, you focused on the workload. After all, someone had to get all those bloody vehicles on time for the boys to play with.

*** The closer it got to the day, you could feel the tensions rising within the team. Partially it was your own fault and the fact that you were nervous. The plan was vague enough. What you and Ives’ squad knew was that TP intended to take over the plutonium 241 on the move, specifically on the highway leading out of the city. For some reason, he needed a fire truck and a firefighter suit for that. You had no clue why, but you blamed it on the boyish dreams of being a firefighter. Sure they all had those.

Neil was simply the designated driver and mission coordinator, and you hoped that meant he would stay out of harm. As much as that was possible for an idiot like him. You were not allowed to meet to stop TP from getting suspicious, and so all you could do was rely on texts and daily phone calls to keep you from going insane. The downside of the situation was that you could not slap Neil when he said questionable things. Examples being referring to the heist car as sexy (“And what if I told that it’s not the BMW that’s sexy?” “I’d be flattered”) and calling you his girlfriend on the call with Ives. That second incident resulted in the squad leader acting all smug because he apparently ‘figured it all out’. He did not, but who were you to prove him wrong.

And so, you perfected the plan, finished all the assigned tasks, and waited on instructions concerning the day of the mission. When they came, the message was simple – sit on your assess and wait, just in case the Cavalry was needed. You did not specifically like that ‘waiting’ part. Especially since Ives began insisting that you do not actually join them in the field. In his mind, the safest place for you was the flat. Not being a part of the squad and not having enough experience were the main factors acting against you. And you hated the fact that he was right. That is until the evening before the mission when an unexpected text from TP came. You were busy trying to understand the rules of a strange competition show on the television when your phone buzzed. Expecting something nonsensical from Neil, you picked it up instantly. Only to get shocked by the number on display. The message was straightforward:

“Join the squad in the field in Tallinn. You must be there”

Right… When you were asking the universe for help, you did not expect that. But it was better than nothing.

Without a further ado, you got up and wandered over to Ives, who was sat with Wheeler and Michael at the table. Upon your approach, the Brit looked up:

“Don’t tell me you’ve got some last-minute changes from Neil” his blue eyes were hazed with concern.

“No, I’ve got something better” you passed him the phone and waited for a response.

The widened stare and arched eyebrow was the initial reaction.

“He wouldn’t have sent if it wasn’t important” you added, hoping to win the case.

“I don’t get it” Ives sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair.

He glanced at Michael, who nodded and left the room. You just assumed that the discussion was not meant for any ordinary squad member.

“Apologies for my language, but you’re not a bloody soldier, and it might get rough out there” Ives spoke up again after a beat “And I don’t want to fucking worry about your safety amidst all the other mess” he met your gaze warily.

It was a little embarrassing to be considered a burden. You flinched internally before trying another approach.

“I know, but Neil might need me” as soon as you said the words, Ives scowled.

Of course, that just sounded like a lovesick teenager fighting for a hopeless case. And you hated that. But his very next words triggered the remains of resolve.

“Frankly, darling-”

You broke into a laugh, knowing the quotation well.

“I swear, if you quote Gone with the Wind right now, I’ll do something stupid” as a warning, you grabbed hold of the knife lying on the table, making Wheeler snicker quietly “Please, let me go out there. I can track his GPS signal or something. And well, you know that I’ve got a good aim. It might count for something” pleading was not your forte either but at the end of the speech, Ives’ gaze softened.

Maybe? He sighed once again before leaning his forehead on the folded forearms on the table.

“If you get hurt, he’ll kill me” he muttered gloomily.

“You’re exaggerating” you bit back a dry chuckle.

“No, he’s not” your head snapped up at the sound of Wheeler’s voice “But I’ve got to back you here if TP sent that text, then it’s probably important” she looked at you with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grinned back, grateful for the support.

With the days spent among men almost exclusively, Wheeler’s company meant a lot. Soon she became the only person you were willing to discuss your worries with. Because she was not keen on cracking dumb jokes about your relationship and asked questions that did not only concern Neil. And that was a welcomed change.

“You really need to be careful though, because Neil cares about you. Which probably makes you the most important person on this squad” her voice broke through your thoughts.

You knew she meant well, but the statement still made your cheeks heat up. Because did he really care?

“Don’t. You’re making me all flustered” deciding you’ve had enough of the awkwardness you got up to fix a tea.

“Well, I’m only speaking the truth here” turning back to the table, you saw Wheeler shrug “The physics boy took his fancy upon you, and that’s no funny business” she grinned at your perplexed expression.

Briefly, you glanced at Ives, who seemed to have given up on fighting with you and instead was listening in to the conversation with a neutral facial expression. The kettle boiling was your cue to respond:

“Great” semi-aggressively, you threw the tea bag into the mug poured the water “Did he though?” you asked, not even looking at them or expecting an answer.

“Yep,” Wheeler stood up and gave you a quick reassuring shoulder squeeze.

“I’ve never seen him like this before” Ives added once you turned to face him again.

That tea could not brew any longer…

“Not even with…” you hesitated before adding quietly, “Alex?”

“Not quite,” the man gave you an enigmatic smile, only increasing your frustration “You’ve convinced me though. You’re coming with us. Just please, for the sake of my sanity, be careful out there” you resisted the urge to jump up in relief “Because I’d rather not deal with an angry Neil. He’s a pain in the ass enough” Ives added darkly before getting up and joining you by the kitchen counter.

Smiling, you finished the tea.

“Thanks. I’ll do my best” playfully, you nudged his shoulder with yours “You can always blame me though” picking up the mug, you turned towards the corridor.

“As though he’d care” Ives muttered at your back.

The sudden surge of confidence was surprising yet also inspiring:

“I’d make him care. There are some things even he can’t say no to”

The last thing you heard upon closing the door to the bedroom was Ives choking on water.

*** The Tallinn mission for you began with an early morning phone call from Neil. You got as far as getting out of bed after having been staring at the ceiling anxiously for the past three hours when the phone rang.

“Morning,” you muttered, stifling a yawn.

Espresso was certainly needed. Maybe two, before you would have to head out.

“Hey,” the soft tone felt like a mild punch “I’m glad you’re up already” Neil’s sleepy voice made you wish you could wake up together again.

There was always that slightly husky tinge to it, the way he lazily pronounced some words just because it was early still. So different from the enthusiastic overenunciation when he was preaching another messed up plan of his. Or the cheeky inflections he tended to use with you during banter. It was terrifyingly easy to get to know him that well because of how open he was with you.

“I couldn’t sleep. But it’s okay I’ll manage” you admitted, distracting yourself from the sudden thoughts “I didn’t tell you last night, but I got another text from TP… he wants me to join the squad today”

From the moment you have shut the bedroom door the previous night, you have debated calling Neil about it. But then he initiated another rather amusing texting exchange focusing on his fashion choices, and you felt bad disrupting the peace. It could wait. Not anymore. You held your breath until Neil responded with a simple question:

“Why?” he was careful, and you could not blame him for it.

You perched on the windowsill and looked out at the quiet cityscape. The streets were strangely empty for a weekday morning. Sighing, you answered in the best way possible:

“I don’t know, but Ives said yes after some coaxing, so I might see you out there” smiling despite yourself, you waited for his response.

Since recently you had to rely on phone calls, it became increasingly easy to determine his mood based on the tone of the reply. Or on the various nonverbal noises he sometimes made. Now there was a quiet hum proceeding the sentence. A surprise, mild confusion, and worry. Brilliant.

“As much as I’m happy we might meet… and that you can see me in that sexy car,” you rolled your eyes awaiting the point “Please, be careful. I need you safe”

It was not disappointing. You knew he did not intend it that way, and yet the anxiety fuelled brain was onto it instantly. I need you… safe. Unable to stop the comment, you muttered:

“Just safe, then”

“What?” any hope that he might have missed it dissolved with that single question.

Could he for once not listen to what you say? You know, like men tended to do. But then Neil was by no means an ordinary man.

“Nothing. Don’t mind me” the attempt at saving your dignity failed too.

“I thought it goes without saying that I do need you. And that I want you”

Oh god. At once, you wanted to smash your head into the wall and to kiss the bastard for being the way he was. Adding to that sentence, the mental image of his sheepish smile was enough to make your heart speed up. When the silence stretched, becoming awkward, you whispered a reply.

“It’s good to hear it sometimes” the coldness of the window glass cooled off your blazed cheeks, “Especially when I don’t actually believe it” he knew that by now, undoubtedly.

Here the nonverbal cue was a half-choked sigh. Annoyance. Frustration.

“You should. I don’t go around telling everyone that” Neil’s confident voice was trying to pull you back “And I certainly don’t have moments as we do with anyone else” at the implication, you felt flustered again.

Because there did not an hour go by without you thinking about what happened. The pull between you was startling at times. The absolute desire you felt. The way Neil knew exactly how to make you remember every second of every moment. With the memories flooding your brain, you could only utter a single question:

“Why me?”

It was curiosity. Because apart from that evening months ago when you first tried to make sense of your budding relationship, he never said why he cared about you. And you would never dare ask. But now, with everything that happened, it was worth trying. And Neil was willing to deliver:

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you’re the bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I know” you could only keep on listening with your mouth agape “You fascinate me, and I want to discover all that you’re willing to give me” he finished in a reverent whisper.

That was not what you expected to hear. Not now. Not ever. Speechless, you wondered whether maybe this time it was not a mistake to give your heart away. It was too late. He had everything but your body; that was just a matter of time.

“Neil, I…” this was all you could manage, afraid you would give away another confession.

“Well, you’ve asked,” he chuckled lightly and then asked, “Are you okay?” you could picture that crease between furrowed eyebrows.

“I suppose-” a loud knock on your door interrupted the sentence; it was time, “I think I should probably join them for the final briefing…” hesitantly, you jumped off the sill.

Only two of you could be interrupted during such an important conversation.

“Go, I won’t keep you. Believe me, though, when I say that I want nothing but to be with you. In every way possible” your breath hitched at the connotation behind the sentiment.

Jesus, this man…

“That’s rather mutual,” like a secret you passed it to him on a sigh “But only when you’re not an ass” that was a much-needed distraction for you both.

There was work to be done, after all. You could hear the commotion in the apartment rise in volume and strength.

“I’ll do my best then. Good luck, darling” you grinned at the nickname he was determined to use.

Darling, you could do with. It was better than the ‘love’ that always made you feel like you were just another one among many.

“Don’t do anything stupid I still owe you a few slaps… and a payback” you added the necessary suggestive tone to the last word.

The rest was up to him to figure out. Which he did, if the pleased laughed was anything to go by.

“I’m very much looking forward to all of those” you missed that smirk.

“You should. Bye, my idiot,” you debated saving his number as that in your phone.

Maybe it was the way forwards.

“My love,” laughing, you ended the call when he uttered the words just for the sake of it.

But then that was Neil’s essence – doing things just because. Or to get a reaction from you. And you would not have it any other way.

*** Only when sitting in that bloody SUV, you learned the true meaning of waiting. And how much you hated to do that. There was nothing to do apart from sweating in the protective gear and avoiding the awkward small talk others were susceptible to. The squad has cramped into two non-descript vehicles, and you being the so-called precious cargo, ended up in the same car with Ives who have sworn to protect you. Only, for the first half-hour, there was nothing to protect you from. Apart from anxiety, boredom, and frustration.

Your role was rather simple – follow Neil’s signal on the map to know where you might be needed should he call for backup. As much as you did enjoy the possibility of tracking his movements somehow, you did not appreciate the cheeky smile Ives had on his face when he gave you the job. Or the comment combined with it: “Well, he’s your boyfriend, it’s only fair you keep him on the metaphorical leash here”. That is how the small blinking dot on the map of Tallinn became your sole focus for the past hour. Just before everything kicked off, Neil radioed you with a simple message: The mission is about to start. Wait for further instructions.

Ever since your morning phone call and the revelations that came out, you only exchanged a few texts concerning the practicalities of the action. Despite the nerves, you did hope to see him in near future. Even if just to check whether what he said was true. Looking for a distraction from the sudden thoughts, you glanced at the screen again. They were near, on the main junction of the highway, heading towards the port. Your SUVs were parked underneath a small overpass, five minutes away in the current traffic conditions. Which proved to be convenient, as it turned out.

“Is he still following the set route?” Ives’s question brought you to the present moment.

“Yeah, they’re-” you glanced to double-check the exact location when you realised that something has changed.

The dot was not moving. It was still blinking, but clearly, they have stopped at a crossing. Traffic lights? Your brain somehow knew that it could not be that simple. You opened your mouth to voice the thoughts when the comm came alive on the dashboard with static crackling:

“We need back up here. ASAP”

“Roger that” Ives tossed you the radio “Ask him about the details”

Without waiting for more information, Michael fired up the SUV engine as Ives contacted the second vehicle.

“Neil” you spoke into the receiver “What happened?” you flinched at the louder noise from the radio.

Gunshots?

“We’ve been ambushed by Sator’s people. TP’s status unknown”

Bloody brilliant. Swallowing down the rising worries, you asked another question:

“How many people?” another gunshot pierced the silence.

“Not sure. They’ve gotten clean up orders” a strained breath from Neil told you how bad the situation was.

“Okay. We’ll be there soon” you glanced at the road ahead.

Still, 2 mins to go. Anxiety was threatening to overpower you at any moment. But now was not the time.

“Hurry up” Neil closed the channel with a final dose of static.

Fuck… Forcing a deeper breath, you could only watch as you got closer to him. The sheer thought of something happening to Neil was unimaginable. That was enough to trigger panic. So you pushed the idea to the back of your head, focusing on the distance disappearing.

There was no mistaking the fact that you have been led to the right place. Crashed cars, asphalt littered with glass shards and broken parts, gunshots piercing the air. The destination looked like a car pile-up from an action sequence. Frantically looking through the windows, you tried to spot that blonde head. To no avail. The SUV came to a sharp halt as the squad members began jumping out of the vehicle. Once everyone else disembarked, you moved to follow them, only to be stopped by Ives:

“You’re staying here. I can’t have you out in the shoot-out” his blue gaze was stern, hand blocking exit out of the car.

The idea that you were so close to Neil and could not see him was enough to make you angry.

“I can handle myself. And he’s-” you spit out the words in the face of the squad leader while trying to push him away.

“I said no. The conversation’s over” with a final glare, he stepped away and scanned the horizon for immediate danger “If someone approaches the car, you know what to do,” he threw as a parting remark and disarmed the rifle.

Fucking hell! Groaning in frustration, you kicked one of the seats. He was so close. You glanced at the device in your hand. He could not be further than behind the first line of crashed cars. Biting on your lip harshly, you quickly went over the options. One was to obey Ives and stay inside the bloody SUV like a well-behaved child everyone apparently took you for. No one seemed to care about the vehicles you parked on the outskirts of the action. Flinching at the further salve from the heavy artillery, you knew that the squad had joined the fray. You could be safe here… but… Taking a deep breath you knew there was no possibility you could stay away from the action. Not when Neil was there, potentially in danger. It was not possible to give up on someone that important just because you were told to. Christ…

Glancing through the windows again, you could see Sator’s people attempting to clear the place. The squad evidently attempted to push at them from one side, hoping to get a clean sweep that way. Then, just as you were about to go back to the internal crisis overwhelming your thoughts, you did a double-take. Surely not? You would recognize that hair colour everywhere. There he was attempting what was looking like a skirting manoeuvre to circle the mercenaries with the Cavalry on the opposite side. Only that left him completely uncovered, in the direct line of fire. Bloody idiot. The instinct to jump out and run to him kicked in. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you would disobey the orders. And leave the car unguarded. All the hesitation disappeared once the comm in the car crackled with static:

“Emergency assistance needed. ASAP” the tension in his voice made your pulse quicken.

The lack of response from the team made all the blood drain from your face. You could see him trying to hide behind some overturned car. The henchmen were near enough to get him with no problem.

That thought was all the convincing you needed. Swearing, you quickly pocketed the tracking device, adjusted your protective gear, and grabbed the gun. You have been offered a rifle (just in case), but you preferred the classic. At least it was something right?

In two leaps, you have covered the distance. With the team trying to get through the attack line on the other side, it was just you and Neil. You shot a round in the direction of the approaching merc, missing the target yet earning attention from the main object of your focus. His eyes met yours across the plane. You could see shock, worry, and something else there. Suddenly a salve whizzed past you. The bullets cutting through the air all around, shooting past your head and piercing the car behind. A strangled yell from Neil was a surprising reaction, yet you did not blink twice. He was all you could see. With a final surge through the field, you reached him. The pure fury and anguish in his eyes took you aback. Have you missed something? But there was no time to ask questions.

“Go, I’ll cover you” you whispered, looking at the approaching group of mercs.

Neil took an additional moment to stare at you as though he could not quite believe you were there. But then he jumped up, aiming the gun at the man closest to you. The same that undoubtedly attempted to take you out seconds prior. When the mercenary fell with a bullet in the head, you stared in shock. There was no time to recover as Neil pushed through, barely looking behind at you. It was surprisingly easy to tune out the emotions, taking out anyone who could threaten him or halt your advances. You worked well together, movements in sync enough to stun the opponents on a few occasions. For a second, you wondered whether it was only bound to get better the closer you get to each other. That was certainly an interesting idea… In no time you have met with the line of the squad, watching on as Ives dealt with the last man standing. You have won. The adrenaline started to leave your body, resulting in tremors and shaking hands. Clutching the gun to prevent it from cluttering to the ground, you met the exasperated gaze of the squad leader. Your only response was a shrug. You did not regret the decision, seeing as you have evidently helped them in the field.

“Neil? Do you know where TP is?” Ives took his attention off you and looked at the blonde man.

You followed his gaze, for the first time actually looking at Neil since you spotted him across the plane. At the moment, you were struck by what a sight he was. Navy shirt with sleeves rolled up to expose the forearms covered with veins. The same tie he had on during your walk. Your pulse quickened. The vest drawing attention to the ratio between his broad shoulders and narrow hips, accentuated with a belt. Brown loose-cut trousers and scrapped leather shoes adding a classy touch. You were aware that you were staring yet unable to look away. Not knowing whether to blame it on the adrenaline rush, you wanted nothing but to touch him. Take off those driving gloves that piqued your interest at the first sight. Or have them be wrapped around your throat with just enough pressure. Get rid of the tie again. And…

“Think Sator took him” Neil’s response broke through your increasingly hazy thoughts.

Shaking off the images that started appearing, you looked up at his face again. The ruffled hair and flushed cheeks were not helpful. Fuck’s sake. It had to be stress. Because what else?

“Their place in the port?” Ives asked, his tone nothing but strict business.

“That’s my bet” Neil shrugged, looking around with something dark in his eyes.

He was tense, like a feral animal that could lash out any moment. You were not wrong. The cold blue gaze settled on you almost remorsefully, but before you could open your mouth, he snapped:

“What the fuck were you thinking?” the hostile edge to his voice was new.

You flinched as though you have been hit. The lack of physical impact did not matter. Your heart stammered. He need not explain what it was about. Please no.

“You needed a cover. They weren’t responding, so I did the obvious” you shrugged, feeling the anger grow “And I could ask you the same question” spitting the sentence into his face, you took a step closer.

You have never seen him that furious. Not even in Oslo after your little fuck-up. The sight was both terrifying and alluring. The dark blue eyes blazed with fury. Jaw clenched. Slight pink tint on the cheeks. And yet, still, you had no idea why he reacted like this.

“I knew what I was doing. That’s the difference” the coldness of his voice threw you off.

So it was real. He did mean it. You tried to save him, and here he was, pissed off at you. Making you almost regret it. Almost, because the love was there too. Not giving away no matter what.

“That’s bullshit” it felt good to admit, “You were reckless, as always, and expecting me to-” your rant got interrupted by a strangled yell.

Nothing prepared you for the revelation then. Or the sudden anguish on his face.

“You were almost shot!” Neil’s eyes glistened as though he was close to tears.

Suddenly it made sense. The rain of bullets you were hit with just before getting to him. The way he reacted. But you made it. Nothing happened. So why was he acting like that?

“Almost” ignoring the growing pain in your chest, you pointed out the obvious.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ives and the rest of the squad observing you. You would rather not have an audience, but then Neil seemed determined to drive his point forward. His face scrunched into a pained scowl.

“Fucking hell,” turning away from your gaze, his back tensed even more “You can’t do shit like that just because I’m involved” the defensive tone took you aback.

What? It was getting worse. You could feel the confidence leaving your body as you struggled for a response. You would never think Neil would do something like that. Not after everything you have told him. Figuring out the only way you that could work, you took your own line of attack.

“Who says I did it only because it was you?” the implication hurt because it was partially correct “Quite an ego you’ve got there” his back was still turned to you.

That angered you even more. Crossing the distance, you placed your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to you. He flinched upon the contact as though your touch burned him. Oh my god. The tears welled up in your eyes. It could not be real. But the emotionless look in the eyes you thought you knew was very much real. It was as though before you realised Neil has built up a wall, guarding himself against you. And there was nothing you could do to get through. You got shocked by the cruel smirk that split his face.

“I can see the way you look at me. As though you wanted to-” you interrupted him sharply.

“Neil”

It was too much. Perhaps because it was true. But he was not done. Persistent to keep going.

“Admit it. It’s because you said some things, and now you can’t bear the thought of losing the object of your affection” the careless tone and the words pierced your heart with gut-wrenching pain “Well, you see, sometimes feelings need to be put aside” he added, almost casually.

Fuck. You gasped, unable to keep a straight face. He might as well see what he has done. Some things. So this is how much your confession meant to him. Good to know. You wanted to slap him, but you felt like that could turn back on you. So instead, you made sure to straighten your back, putting on the familiar mask of neutrality. You have done this before. Probably should have expected it. Only why did it hurt ten times more?

“Can we leave the bloody lovers quarrel till later?” Ives’s voice pierced through the tension.

But you were not ready. Raising your hand in a stopping motion, you turned back to Neil. His face was terrifyingly indifferent. Maybe it was all an act. Or maybe it was just that easy for him to get over whatever you thought you had. A lie. Gathering the smithereens of confidence, you forced a levelled tone:

“Says you. As though you’re acting out of reason right now” you gave him your best impression of the sneer visible on his face.

You could crumble at any moment now. Only the pounding in your ears and the wounded pride were keeping you upwards. But Neil wanted to destroy everything.

“More than you” he glanced at the team waiting impatiently “I really thought you’d know better than this” the punchline was more than you could take.

No. Please no. Your knees buckled, and you swayed. But then you caught the flash of concern in his eyes. Just for a split of a second. So it was not all cold and hatred? You heard Ives huff out a string of curses. There was no time for this. Whatever it even was. Honesty it was then.

“Better than to give away my heart to someone like you? Evidently not” you met his eyes for the final time before walking away in the direction of the SUVs.

The shock you saw in Neil’s face was enough to fuel the survival instincts. With the heart broken or not, the mission was still on. And the rest was silence.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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muwur · 5 years ago

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haikyuu x otome: masterlist | prologue

» synopsis: a haikyuu x reader au where you, the player, are bound for university in a metropolis several hours away from home. hope and excitement are replaced with dread as you come to realize that juggling life as a student and a part-time employee takes a toll. from demanding classes to a ruthless manager, life just can’t seem to give you a break. that is, until you meet a certain someone who reminds you how to live and follow your dreams. somehow, when you’re with them, time stands still. maybe things are finally starting to look up. if only you could stay in those moments for just a little longer.

» disclaimer: i do not own haikyuu or any of the pixels in this post (i simply made collages out of them)

edit: it’s been brought to my attention that another HQ writer may have written something similar to this idea in the past and I was unaware. Though I haven’t seen this particular type of thing written yet, I don’t mean to claim this event idea as my own bc I feel a lot of events that ppl put up may have some overlapping themes n such (tho this idea would def be more specific and be cause for concern of plagiarism) and bc I would never want to steal ideas/not ask other writers first/not credit other writers (that’s not cool fam). If you have any issues with this event, pls bring them up w me, and if you know any other writers who’ve done smth similar, pls share w me their URLs! thank u for ur understanding :) I hope u can still enjoy haikyuu x otome :’)

» how to play:

I. you can refer here for the general rules of my blog. also, for this event (and it’ll say in the descriptions below), i’m only accepting one character per request. also the word count limits i wrote here may change as im getting started on actually writing requests lol

II. essentially a collection of x reader one-shots, drabbles, and smaus in which you are a busy college student whose only break seems to be spending time with friends who actually get you or the 15-minute lunch break during which you get to ignore annoying customers

III. since this is otome-inspired, i have several options you can choose from. these options are essentially types of requests:

» everyday is a new start

» drabble about how you meet the character of your choice

» it is not guaranteed y’all are gonna gel (get along) when you first meet,, warning: if the character is usually a bitch, i may write them as one LMAO jkjk but fr

» usually light, fluffy, and/or silly

» hmm tbh,,, idk word count,,, probs anywhere between 700-1k words (i edited this word count after writing my first thing bc HNNN)

» the only characters you can’t request this for is yamaguchi, tsukki n hinata,,, bc you meet them in the prologue AHAHA sry it’s nothing too spaicy since it’s just in the intro

» it’s all in the little things

» one-shots about normal, daily interactions with the character of your choice

» in other words, these include what can go on in a day in the life of y/n and the character of your choice (after they’ve already met). in the city, the possibilities are endless

» give me a word (or several, cuz writing is hard lmao. also legit any word, like ‘orange’ or ‘nostalgia.’ i may choose only one or do a combination from your list :3) as a prompt and ill somehow make something of it lmao

» medium relationship development + exp

» 700-1.5k words

» hmmm what should i get today?

» very short drabble with a character of your choice about various scenarios and thots i have in my head

» a complete surprise, totally random, may have no context

» may be serious, fluff, crack, etc.

» if u choose this u basically told me ‘surprise me’

» 100-300 words, depends on my mood

» when i see your name pop up on the screen, i can’t help but smile

» short smau with a character of your choice

» fluff or crack, ur choice or leave that up to me (if unspecified, ill just flip a coin)

» you can either give me a word(s) as a guide or leave the topic of convo up to me

» 2-4 panels

» you’d be surprised how much can happen in a day

» BMO has nothing to do with this, i just found a cute pixel of him

» spaicy relationship development, the scenes in which you actually make progress in the game

» one-shot with a character of your choice

» order from the following:

» macaron: when they realize they’ve fallen for you

» banana bread: when you realize you’ve fallen for them

» iced americano: when they feel a tinge of jealousy

» hot chocolate: when they see you crying

» matcha latte: when they have a longing to be around you

» cupcake: love confession (may be intentional or accidental)

» major relationship development + exp + sometimes confusion

» 1-2k words

» these will probs take me longer

» all good things must come to an end

» not as angsty as those bolded words above sound,,, unless you want it to be >:)

» drabble or one-shot with a character of your choice. the final interaction before finishing the game

» you have three options: good end (fluffy, romantic & the like), bad end (angst), or crack end (surprise)

» word count will be super variable, from 300-1.5k words

IV. this forces me to write one-shots, drabbles, anything but hc’s, and also forces me to limit my word count. that said, this will take me a hot minute, y’all. word counts may change too bc i am,,, indecisive n untalented AHAHA

V. search for ‘haikyuu x otome,’ ‘haikyuu x otome special,’ ‘haikyuu x reader otome’ tags! i will tag each work under these c:

got it? have a request for me? send me an ask or submission!

request example: ‘start new game with akaashi’ or ‘love challenge with yachi in the empty lecture hall at night’ or ‘continue story with noya. words: tired, mangoes, music’

feel free to ask me if ur confused about anything and have questions! thank you so much for reading <3 im excited for this heh

inspired by recent haikyuu otome teasers i keep seeing online and the fact that i dropped my summer class and am taking on personal projects (like painting my room LMAO i gotta manifest my inner buff daddee ushi to move shit in my room bc i kid u not everything is rlly heavy in here. and i also delved back into otomes on my phone,, does anyone else play midnight cinderella or mr love LOL talk 2 me)

haikyuu x otome masterlist

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ablackfangirlwrites · 4 years ago

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A/n: a new parr to this mini series!! Yay this one focuses more on kuroo ao theres something exciting!! I hope y'all enjoy this one too! Also always a big shout out @ayocee for being such a big help and inspiration for me as ive been writing this!

part 1

part 2

Humiliated. Embarrassed. Angry. Betrayed, and heartbroken. Those were all the words that describe what you felt after you saw Daichi with his girlfriend.

Since that day you had been trying your best to stay clear of him. Yes, you saw him in class but you avoided him. And after the few times he tried to speck to you, and you walked right passed him he gave up. You were determined not to give him any more of your time. Because what could he say to make you feel better? What explanation could he give you that would make you forgive him? You were sure you were in love with him, and you were sure he felt the same about you. He was supposed to be different, Yet he had been lying to you the whole time.

In all honestly, to say he only broke your heart didn’t really didn’t cover it. Because you had fallen for him harder than anyone else before.

-Y/n I know you’re upset but let me explain

You stared at the last text he sent you way longer than you cared to admit. It had been weeks. Yett, you were conflicted; you didn’t want anything to do with him. Not anymore. He didn’t deserve you. That’s what your best friend had told you once you returned to your dorm crying that day.

And you knew they were right.

But that didn’t mean it was easy to ignore him though. Even though you wanted nothing to do with him. A part of you that didn’t want to admit it wanted that answer, why did he lie to you? Was you really just a game to him? Did any part of him like you at all? But you knew the likelihood of being told something that would make you feel better was low. So why bother? It was useless. So you didn’t say anything to him.

And you just went about your own life.

“Hey, Y/n.”

You heard someone call your name one day as you sat in the coffee shop studying. This was where you did all you studying now; because being in the library was too much, it was only a reminder of all the times you and Daichi had fooled around in there, and you couldn’t take the embarrassment of seeing his friends and other people who knew you were with him.

At least here you didn’t have any memories with anyone, and no one recognizes you here, at least up until now.

You looked up from your notes to see who had called you only to frown when you saw him.

Tetsuro Kuroo.

You rolled your eyes and went back to your notes, The last time you saw him was the day you found out the truth about Daichi. Up until now, you had been doing good by not bumping into Daichi and his friends. And you were glad, cause no doubt they had to have been laughing behind your back the whole time. Knowing that Daichi was in a relationship with someone else but playing with you. No wonder they always seemed so strange whenever you were around.

“It’s been a while,” You heard him say with a smirk in his voice. But you ignored him while continuing with your notes.

Kuroo huffed out a sigh, “Okay, I sorta deserve that.”

You shot him a glance but didn’t say anything.

Kuroo started to set his things down at the table across from you. “Look I knew what Daichi was up too, but didn’t say anything. You have to understand it really wasn’t my place to say anything. He’s my friend after all-”

“What makes you think I want or need your apology?” You snap at him.

Kuroo smirked, “Good point. I just thought it was a nice thing to do...I feel bad about it” He said sitting down.

“If you really felt bad, you wouldn’t have let me make a fool of myself.” You told him, “And who said you could sit here?”

“Well, no one said I couldn’t sit here,” He said with that smirk never leaving his face.

But you weren’t amused. “Kuroo what do you want? If this is something about Daichi, I’m really not interested. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. Or you.” You told him straight up. You had been doing good by not thinking about Daichi lately, and you wanted things to stay that way. And deep down you knew if you were talking to Kuroo, Daichi couldn’t be far away. And you didn’t want to relapse into all that heartbreak again.

Kuroo’s smile went away, and he sighed deeply, “If it’s gonna bother you that much I’ll move.” And with that, he got up and gathered his things, “But for the record,” He spoke up before he left. “Me talking to you doesn’t have anything to do with Daichi.” And with those words, he went to another table leaving you alone.

“Yeah, I’d stay clear of that asshole.” Your bestie told you after you told them everything that happened when you got back to your dorm. “If he had anything to do with Daichi I wouldn’t trust him at all.”

And you agreed with her whole heartily. As far as you were concerned you were officially done with guys right now. They were all liars and heartbreakers; even the good ones, and you didn’t have any more time for them.

But that all turned out to be easier said than done. Since the day that the two of you had that little conversation, Kuroo put it in his schedule to study or just visit the coffee shop while you were there. Always saying something to you. Wither it was a “Hey.” Or just a nod in your direction. He seemed to be determined to speak to you.

And as usual, you ignored him. Yet that didn’t seem to deter him. It was like a game to him, and that only irritated you more.

“You’re so annoying you know that.” You scuff at him one day as you tried to snatch your test paper from him.. He was teasing you about the score you got in your chemistry class that he happened to see when he was passing by your table.

“So I’ve been told,” He laughed Keeping the paper out of your reach, “But for real, If you need help I’m a great tutor, And it looks like you do need the help.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

And you knew he was right. The chances of you passing this class on you’re own were low. And You were getting pretty desperate, and you knew he was actually doing very well in all his classes. “If I say yes, you had better not try anything. And were only studying here. And I don’t want to hang out with any of your other friends,” You told him.

“You got a lot of demands for someone who needs my help,” He raised an eyebrow.

“You’re the one who offered, No funny business Kuroo.” You said seriously.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” He said with a smirk and wink. “But trust me you won’t regret it.”

And once again you found yourself hoping you weren’t making the wrong choice by letting him into your life.

If you had to describe Kuroo you would say he was annoying, he was a know it all, who couldn’t shut up. He was a smart ass, and he managed to get under your skin and infuriate you every time he opened his mouth. But more than anything ...he was funny. And he was way more charming than he had the right�� to be.

You didn’t want to admit it, but you had a lot of fun studying with Kuroo. Despite all his flaws and he did have a lot, you enjoyed being around him. Even if he was annoying he was smart and he knew what he was talking about when it came to the classwork and made it easier for you to get.

All in all, you really liked being Kuroo’s study buddy, and friend you didn’t want anything more. At least that’s what you kept having to tell yourself. Whenever you caught yourself looking at him too long admiring how beautiful he was.

You had to keep reminding yourself, that boys were trouble; that boys like him were trouble. And you no longer had time for them. Besides he was Daichi’s friend and so he couldn’t be that much of a good guy anyway. But that didn’t mean you heart didn’t so a stupid dance whenever he flirted with you. Which he did a lot.

But you were determined not to make a fool of yourself again and brush him off every time he did. You refused to show him how much those little things he did affected you. But Kuroo could see right through you. He just he understood why you did and he didn’t take any offense to it, because he still found himself enjoying your reactions either way.

He got why you didn’t want a relationship. He had to admit Daichi really did screw you over, but like he had told you so long ago, You seemed really nice, and he wanted to get to know you for himself. And after countless study sessions, he learned that under all that sass you put up was a sweet person, who was goofy, and a blast to be around.

And despite you refusing to fall for him, he had completely fallen for you. But more than anything for him, Kuroo enjoyed being your friend. So the relationship the two of you had with each other was enough for him.

Unless you wanted more.

“Tetsuro! Look!” You exclaimed once you saw him at the cafe. You had finally got a 100% on your chem test and it was all thanks to him. You practically jumped in his arms when you told him.

‘So adorable.’

Was all he could think, besides the fact that he would love to kiss you. But instead, he smiled “Didn’t I tell you, you weren’t gonna regret it.”

“I dunno...I kinda regret it…” You said jokingly.

“As if.” He said with a smile and an eye roll. But that just made you laugh.

“We should celebrate,” Kuroo added.

“Celebrate?”

“Yeah…” He trailed off up until now the two of you only met at the coffee shop, which wasn’t a problem. But it had been a few months now, surely you wouldn’t mind going somewhere else with him. You were friends now after all. “Let’s go out for dinner or something?”

“Dinner or something?” You raised your eyebrow.

Kuroo scratched his face avoiding looking you in the eye, “Yeah...It would be nice, a change of scenery...something other than coffee and cafe food…”

He actually seemed like he was a bit shy, and you found that more adorable than anything you had seen him do before, “Is Kuroo tongue-tied?” You teased him.

“Common...It will be fun,” He said finally looking into your eyes.

You tried to hold back your smile from him, “It sounds like a date…”

“If you wanna call it a date then it can be.”

You really didn’t want to fall for him but when you saw him like this you couldn’t help it. He was just so cute! “I…I dunno though Tetsuro-”

“I don’t bite Y/n,” Kuroo said with his cocky self coming back, “And you know I’m not up to anything. Will go just as friends-Basically what we’ve been doing, no funny business-”

“Kuroo? Y/n?”

You both were taken out of your conversation by the sound of your names. Much to Kuroo’s annoyment. When you both turned you saw it was the very last person you wanted to see. Daichi.

He stood there alone obviously not expecting to see the two of you together.

“Hey Kuroo,” He nodded at his friend, but then looked to you, “Umm, Y/n I-I haven’t seen you in a while Y/n…” He smiled awkwardly. “You look well.”

Seeing him made all those feeling you felt back then come rushing back. You immediately wanted to just disappear. You still didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t want any confrontation you just wanted to leave. So that’s what you were going to do you turned back to do YOu looked back to Kuroo while you started to pick up your things, “Um Tetsu--Kuroo...I should really go…” You trailed off as you adjusted your backpack on you back, and walked out of the cafe.

“Y/n.”

“Y/n,” Both Kuroo and Daichi said walk.

You looked back at them, but you couldn’t do this. So you left them both standing there.

Kuroo looked at Daichi irritation clearly on his face, “Dude, what could you possibly have to say to her?”

Daichi shrugged sheepishly, “I just wanna explain to her what happened, I feel bad. And she probably wants an explanation...and I feel like I owe her you know..”

“I’m sure that’s one of the last things she wants, you really screwed her over she really liked you, man.” Kuroo told him, “I think it’s just best you leave her alone..”

Daichi nodded, “Yeah, you’re probably right about that...I wish things hadn’t turned out the way that they did.”

“Yeah, but they did…” Kuroo told him plainly.

There air was thick between the two of them for a moment, and they both new it, But Daichi cleared his voice and spoke up again, “So you and Y/n now?”

Kuroo had started to get his things to leave now, “Theres nothing going on between us.”

Daichi nodded again but forced out a laugh, “I mean it’s fine if there is, You don’t need my permission or anything.”

Kuroo wanted to roll his eyes, but Daichi was still his friends after all, so he just settled with an, “I know.” Before leaving out the cafe himself.

Kuroo left him there in the cafe. Now only determined to find you. You couldn’t have gotten that far. Albeit he didn’t know where which way you went. Countless times he tried to walk you back to your dorm after your study sessions but you always refused him. He wanted to finish talking to you. He wanted to know your answer, but more than anything now he wanted an answer to his question. Though now he doubted it was an answer he wanted now.

“Damnit Daichi,” He said under his breathe. Things were going so well between you two. Why did Daichi have to pop up and mess it up. No doubt reminding you off all the things you had been pushing back.

Kuroo was about to give up his search of you, but just before he turned back around he saw a glimpse of your shirt sitting against one the trees on campus.

As he approached you he could hear you sniffing, “Y/n?”

You quickly tried to wipe your face at the sound of is voice, “I’m fine.”

“Y/n..” Kuroo moved down to your level, “It’s okay if your not…” He handed you a napkin.

You looked at Kuroo giving him a weak smile taking the napkin. Still feeling that heavy lump in your throat, “I wish I was...I really wanted him to want me,” You cried. Kuroo didn’t exactly know what to do in this situation, but he didn’t want to leave you. So he decided to stay sit and stay silent until you were ready to leave.

You don’t know how long you sat there crying. But when you were done you felt tired and embarrassed. Kuroo sat there beside you the whole time. The air was awkward with unspoken words between the two of you not knowing what to say next. “I should get back to my dorm…” You all but whispered.

“Can I walk you?” Kuroo asked you still not wanting to leave you alone. And not having much fight in you, you just sighed and agreed.

The walk was quiet. Nether of you saying anything, still not knowing where to even start a conversation. But eventually you made it to your dorm. You turned to Kuroo before you went inside, “Thanks I guess…”

“No problem,” He said avoiding your eyes. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“What do you want from me?” You asked out of nowhere. It was a thought that was weighing on you mind the whole walk back. Kuroo and you were only study buddies, nothing else. So why was he helping you now. What did he want from you?

Kuroo was taken back by your question, but before he could answer you kept talking. “I already said I wasn’t interested in you like that. Yet, you still hang around me? Are you just waiting it out seeing if I’ll just cave in and say yes? Did Daichi tell you I was easy or something? Did Daichi-”

“No!” Kuroo cut you off before you could fishing accusing him of things, “I hang out with you cause I like you F/n, And we're friends. Like I told you before, it has nothing to do with Daichi. I’m sorry Daichi made you think that a guy has to have a motive to want to be around you.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe in Kuroo. He hasn’t done anything for to not to believe him. He was even here for you today when you were crying when he didn’t have to be. He had proven he was a good guy.

He was leaving when you called out to him, “Tetsu!”

Kuroo turned around, and you gave a him a smile, “I’m fee this weekend for that date.”

#kuroo testuro #kuroo scenarios #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo imagine #kuroo tetsuro imagine #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #fluff.🍦#haikyuu imagines

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macgyvermedical · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

Omg I know probably everyone has seen this by now but I just watched it for the first time and... it’s amazing. It is the most accurate to medical drama thing I have ever seen. I have watched it like 6 times now and I’m dying laughing.

So the non-med-people can enjoy this as much as I did:

“We have a 35 year old male- he was at the gym, he got hypertensive”

Hypertensive means high blood pressure. Most people at the gym are doing something strenuous and therefore have blood pressure that would be considered really, really high if they had it at rest. So unless this guy was having chest pain or a bad headache or confusion or some other symptom of hypertension that was causing damage, which in report they should have lead with, in other words... he’s totally fine.

“They were able to monitor everything on his apple watch” / “We’re just going to monitor everything right through the apple watch”

I know they’re referring to a very specific episode of a very specific show but I’m blanking right now on what it was (New Amsterdam, maybe?). Also the apple watch can monitor pulse, sense falls, and record a 1-lead EKG (with an app that can be downloaded separately) that can detect a heart rhythm called sinus rhythm (normal) and atrial fibrillation (generally not life threatening), but nothing else, meaning this does not explain literally anything they talk about in this video.

“He had a blood pulse that was really really high”

They’d just say something like “his heart rate was _____ bpm” which everyone in the room would know how to interpret. Also it’s just a pulse or heart rate, not a “blood pulse”.

“Can we go ahead and start fluids? Let’s go with Jevity 1.5 Cal” / “I’m just gonna run this straight through the IV pump”

Jevity 1.5 Cal is a type of tube feed (that has 1.5 calories per milliliter) that would go through a feeding tube. You cannot put this through an IV (it would kill the patient), and you can’t run it on an IV pump (none of the tubes or connectors can connect to each other as a safety feature... so you don’t accidentally run it through an IV and kill someone).

“We’re gonna need access to his cardiovascular system- I think I’m going to have to put in a peripheral IV right at the bedside since the ORs are busy.”

A peripheral IV is just what you think of as an IV. They’re almost always put in at the bedside (meaning they can be put in right in the patient’s room).

“Does someone want to call family and get consent?”

There’s no indication that this patient cannot give their own consent, and if he was unconscious and consent was implied (we assume you would want to be helped if you were in medical distress so bad you were unconscious), they wouldn’t waste time getting the family’s consent for something as small as an IV. Which was probably already put in by the paramedics on the way there.

“I’ll go ahead and get gowned up”

IVs are a “clean” but not “sterile” procedure, meaning that we don’t need to wear a gown for them (unless there’s another reason we should be wearing one, like contact precautions for infectious disease). Also he is wearing the gown backwards.

“I’m not seeing anything, he’s so hypertensive.”

HYPERtension (high blood pressure) generally does not make a difference in how difficult it is to find veins, in fact, it might make it a little easier. HYPOtension (low blood pressure) does make it harder to find veins to put IVs in.

“If I do this right there is going to be a flash”

A “flash” in the context of an IV start is a small amount of blood that pops into a window in the IV start device, which tells you the IV catheter is in the vein. It is not a literal flash of light. Little misinterpretations of things like this are everywhere in medical fiction.

“It is in the femoral artery, we now have access to his cardiovascular system”

The femoral artery is in the leg and it is not something you put a peripheral IV in. A central line maybe, but that actually would be done in an OR as a sterile procedure.

“The bladder scanner’s reading 0, we need to go ahead and place a foley”

A bladder scanner is used to determine if a patient is keeping urine in their bladder even after they urinate. A reading of 0 is ideal because that means there is no urine in the bladder. You would not place a foley (a catheter that goes in the bladder and continuously drains urine out) for this patient, because they’re voiding fine on their own. Medical dramas misinterpret test results like this all the time, or use tests that don’t make sense (like this guy’s bladder scan for hypertension).

*hooks up foley to suction*

Urine drains out of foleys to gravity, it does not need to be hooked up to suction. When you’re watching medical dramas they do a lot of “hook it up wherever, the audience won’t know the difference” which is what they’re poking fun at here.

“Patient’s still in tachycardia, I need to go ahead and begin mild compressions”

Tachycardia just means a heart rate above 100 (or 120 depending on your hospital). The only thing you’d do for this (assuming sinus tach) is figure out what’s causing it (dehydration, anxiety, pain, fever, etc...) and correct that. If it’s something called supraventricular tachycardia, you might give a drug called adenosine or try having the patient bear down, but you would never start compressions for tachycardia unless the patient’s heart was beating so fast they lost a pulse. And there’s no such thing as “mild compressions”- it’s compressions or no compressions. There’s nothing in between.

“This is Blake on 4b, we’re calling a supercode.”

The term “megacode” is sometimes used (especially in training) to refer to a code where you’re using the whole algorithm for a cardiac arrest to work the patient. There is nothing called a “supercode”, though a lot of times they’ll say random words with Code attached to sound medical in medical dramas but that don’t mean anything.

“We just got an alert he’s in V-fib, we can stop compressions”

V-fib, or ventricular fibrillation, is a pulseless rhythm, and that’s when you would START compressions typically. Also, an apple watch cannot sense v-fib.

“The patient’s desatting- he’s not tolerating room air oxygenation”

This would actually be said “the patient’s desatting (the percentage of the patient’s hemoglobin molecules that have oxygen attached to them are dropping), he’s not tolerating room air” So there’s just a few extra words here that make the character look like he’s never been in a hospital before.

“I think we need to go ahead and intubate with a bag mask”

Intubation (putting a tube down a person’s throat to deliver air/O2 directly into their lungs) is a different thing than oxygenating with a bag valve mask (basically just pushing air into the patient’s lungs without a tube). Then he goes ahead and puts a non-rebreather (type of oxygen mask that doesn’t have anything to do with either of the two things he just mentioned) on the patient upside down. He then hooks the oxygen tubing up to the same suction he attached the foley to earlier.

“The bag’s not inflating all the way- I think I’m going to have to go in manually”

Squeezing the bag on a non-rebreather does nothing useful. Swearsies.

“Good news- his oxygen is coming down and his BP’s going up”

He’s here for... hypertension, right? Like, we want the opposite of that to happen.

*on the phone with x-ray* “The blood in his body is going clockwise???”

This is both not a result you can get, and also not a result you’d get from x-ray anyway, which is something that happens all the time in medical fiction. Random results that don’t make sense from departments they wouldn’t have come from.

“Team- everything we learned in school- throw it out the window, we’ve gotta save this guy!”

No one is that dramatic irl. You’d get laughed out of the room.

“His potassium level is 10.8- we’re gonna go ahead and we’re gonna need more potassium!”

10.8 is an absurdly lethally high amount of potassium. No wonder that guy is in v-fib. You would not put more potassium in this guy. You would be getting the insulin and D50 out of the Pyxis (med machine) and frantically paging anyone with an MD or DO after their name for an order to give it to bring the potassium down.

“Someone get me a banana” *spikes the banana like it’s an IV bag* “I know they didn’t teach us this in school, but it’s all we have”

I feel like that’s referencing the scene in Off the Map where they spike the coconut. Which, turns out, actually a thing. Unlike the banana.

Also they’re in a hospital. There are many forms of potassium in a hospital, which is a misconception you also see a lot in medical fiction- improvisation when it’s completely unnecessary.

“Sir, this may burn a little bit”

Oh, hey, something they got right! Potassium does burn given IV! Just like in medical fiction, they’ll get one little thing bizzarly correct in the midst of all that.

“The apple watch is dying! Does anyone have a charger??”

Another moment of “we definitely don’t need to be improvising this... we’re in a hospital” which I could totally see them doing in a medical drama.

“I think we have to open up his airway- we need an incentive spirometer chest tube”

Like when they were talking about intubating him with the “bag mask” he’s talking about two completely different things. A chest tube is a tube that goes into the chest and drains air or fluid so the lungs can expand fully. An incentive spirometer is a device used to encourage deep breathing in patients (which prevents fluid from building up in the lungs). What’s shown in the video is an incentive spirometer that’s apparently been hooked up to the chest tube. Which is another excellent misinterpretation that I could totally see being made from google research.

“I’m going to go ahead and check for PERRLA” *looks in mouth*

PERRLA is an acronym for an assessment of the pupils and how they react to light and accommodate distance. While you might want to check it in a code, you would not look in the mouth...

“We can cancel the supercode, also there’s no need for the MRSA nasal swab”

In the context of transferring him to the floor instead of the ICU, you genuinely wouldn’t do the nasal swab for MRSA (more necessary in an ICU setting, and many ICUs require one (and put anyone who comes up positive in isolation) to prevent spread of antibiotic resistant infection). HOWEVER, this is another thing that hospital shows do where they misunderstand the importance of certain things, or what would be deliberately ordered versus be a part of a routine order set that wouldn’t even really get mentioned. Like the MRSA swab for the ICU.

Nurse Blake really hit the nail on the head with this. I love it to pieces!

#medical fiction #nurse blake #medical dramas #whump reference #writing reference

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neoncat669 · 5 years ago

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Reminder: I love you and you are the best. I love your babysitter! Sapnap au. Thank you for the free serotonin. Spare me a little more about your aus or the au 👉👈

I had to get onto my laptop for this So I don’t make all the aus myself so under the read more ill have name of the au then names of who worked on it (both of my friends are only on twitter)

Also if you want more info on a specific au feel free to send another ask about that au on anything you wanna know cause i just ramble unless i have a certain thing to go off of

Babysitter au - Blurry, Tal, and I Sapnap is a highschooler who needed a job that worked with his school schedule and honestly didn’t require a lot of work. He finds an ad by a single father to babysit his two sons, both 8 years old at the time. This is how he starts babysitting Tubbo and Tommy. He doesn’t really like get attached to them at first but after a bit of babysitting them and actually hanging out and learning about the kids, he finds himself actually enjoying his job and is always really excited for it out of school. I can do a post on everyone’s role in this au but there’s just.. so many. Think dreamsmp amount of people. There’s a lot. The main people tho are Sapnap, Tubbo, and Tommy though. Also Fundy is a piano teacher

Zombie apoc au - Blurry, Tal, and I Self explainatory except we said fuck usual main protag rights and it follows Sapnap, Tubbo, and Tommy again. Basically they’re all their actual ages and have to make it through the world. Sapnap ends up taking a really protective big brother role and it’s mostly just their adventures until they find other survivors. This au does kinda stand on the edge of what’s kinda ok so we’re lowkey making it not as bad cause in the end these are real people.

Clay friends au (storebought friends are fine) - Tal, Blurry, and I Sapnap is a college student who has trouble making friends and generally be social. He ends up messing around and makes these little clay figures which end up coming to life. They become his best friends and help him do stuff like cheat on tests, talk to other people, ect. Eventually Sapnap ends up making real life friends and doesn’t need the clay figures that maybe were a part of his imagination the whole time. Well Dream and George don’t really like being shoved into a bag to never be seen again. Yeah this ended up as a horror au

Flipside au - Tal and I Dream, Sapnap, and George are all irl friends who go to school together. One day they each find themselves in a completely new dimension that seems to be everything they could possibly ask for. The only way they can communicate with each other is a handheld mirror they all have. This mirror and bracelets they made as a symbol of their friendship is important. Well the dimensions end up shifting, changing into each person’s nightmare. It turns out these dimensions are actually alive and feed off the desperation and despair of others, I can go more in depth about this au if asked cause it’s genuinely one of our more complex aus

Brothers au - Tal! and I So Tubbo and Eret are brothers and when Tubbo was a tiny baby, a witch had tried to curse him but Eret ended up taking the attack instead. This ended up with Eret leaving Tubbo when he was young and Tubbo growing up to become a farmer. Years later there is talk of an evil king who is threatening to take over lands and resides in a castle not to far from where Tubbo lives. He signs up to be apart of the soldiers that are storming this castle to take down this king. Tubbo ends up being the only one to even make it to the ruler and is praised by this person for making it this far. The lighting only allowing Tubbo to see the glowing white eyes of this person, they end up fighting with the king using powers to throw chunks of earth at them. During the battle, the stained glass behind the throne shatters which allows light to enter the room and show the face of this evil queen. Tubbo feels like this person is familiar and ends up calling out for their brother. Eret, taken aback, kicks Tubbo out of her castle and moves his entire base far away as an attempt to get away from them. Tubbo, not one to give up, now finds himself on a quest to get their brother back and makes friends along the way.

Angels n Demons au - Me! Sapnap and Eret are angels while Bad (and maybe someone else) is a demon. This is honestly just me fucking around with the concept of angels and demons and I’ve only developed it slightly by yelling at my partner about it. I’m writing something about it rn but i’m always open to talking about it in asks and stuff like that lmao.

But yeah those are the aus ive worked/working on! My fav is maybe like... babysitter and brothers au but im biased on found family. Please talk to me about them i’ll tag each post with the au tag so we can get that shit organized!

#mcyt au #tubbo #tommy #sapnap #eret #cause they're the main people mostly #ask #flowersheep #babysitter au #zombie apoc au #clay friends au #flipside au #brothers au #angels n demons au #masterpost

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marvelmymarvel · 5 years ago

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We All Fall Down

Shouta Aizawa x Reader

Synopsis: You had a healing quirk like Recovery GIrl, however, each time you used your quirk it would take a bit of your energy. Normally you didn’t push yourself past your limits, but this was a little different.

Spoilers: This will be during the newer episodes with Overhaul and Eri. Ill try not to go into too much detail on things but just so you’re aware in case I slip up.

You stumbled out of the crumbling building, searching for more people to heal. You could feel your body begging you to sit down and relax, but you fought against it as your eyes examined the heroes in front of you. You had just healed many students as well as heroes inside, but the damage didn’t stop there. You saw a hero collapse and instantly jumped into action.

Stumbling a bit, you fell beside him as you placed your hand over his wound. Closing your eyes you let some of your dwindling energy flow through your palm, causing a light glow to appear and for the man to be healed. You stood shakily as you continued to look around for more all while playing off your drooping eyes as just stress. But Shouta saw through you.

He always saw through you.

“Here let me help-” you croaked as you stumbled towards another hero who was only slightly injured. Your palm hit her head but no light came from it and you felt empty as if your quirk was gone. As if it was-

You pulled your shaking hand back and looked towards your husband, his eyes shining brightly behind his glasses as his black hair stood on end. “That's enough Y/n” he growled, he wasn’t necessarily angry at you, more disappointed that you wouldn’t stop like you normally would. “Shouta I-I must h-heal her” your wavering voice, heavy with despair and fatigue, hit his ears but he didn’t let up on you.

Storming towards you, he grabbed your wrist firmly in his hand before dragging you away. “Someone else can help her, you keep going like this and you’re going to pass out. Do you really want that Y/n?” his normally cool demeanor was shaken as he fully took you in. Your bags were heavy and your face was devoid of all color. Your arms seemed heavy to you as if they were carrying the weight of the world in them.

To you, they were.

He admired your quirk, he really did, but they used you like there weren’t consequences. Like you wouldn’t get colds more often because your immune system was shot. Or like you wouldn’t be stuck in bed for days because you couldn’t find the energy to get up. Your quirk tired you out, and no one seemed to pay that any mind. Not even you.

“Shouta I’m fine” your words sounded stronger this time, but your fluttering eyelashes told him you were putting your energy into sounding alright in order to calm his nerves. But the action only made his nerves worse. “You need to sit down and rest-”

“I have to save more” you cried out as you stomped your foot lazily on the ground. Chaos was happening around you but the chaos residing in your eyes was more important to him. They pushed you this far and it would be the last time. “Not on my watch” he started as you began to walk towards another hero who was bleeding from his head. Shouta grabbed your wrist, whipping you back to him and causing your head to loll. The dizzying sensation of being spun around seemed to tip your internal scale, and before you knew it you were starting to fall forward.

Everything sounded muffled as you tumbled towards your husband's arms and your eyes began to close in the excitement of ultimately being able to rest. You hoped everyone would be alright without you, and that was your last thought before you completely blacked out.

Tranquility and rest, finally taking over your soul.

Your eyes opened groggily to find yourself laying in a hospital bed. IV’s came out of your arms and you sighed at the way your body felt, you went too far. Your eyes closed again, feeling the dizzy feeling take over. One more nap couldn’t hurt-

“I told them you could heal yourself... They wondered why you didn’t”

The sigh that fell from your lips was loud and annoying, you loved this man with your whole heart, but sometimes he got in the way. “I couldn’t have healed myself anyway unless I wanted to pass out in the middle of a fight” you commented before rubbing the tiredness from your eyes and opening them to see him standing at the end of your bed. His eyes looked weary and you knew it was because of you. “You did though Y/n... You passed out in the middle of the fight-”

“It was over Shouta-”

“You went too far.” he finished with a growl as he gripped the end of the bed violently. You’ve never really seen him this angry, but then again, he’s never really seen you this beaten up. Seeing his shaking form made you realize that you did, in fact, go too far. Guilt spread throughout your chest as you watched your husband beat himself up as if he was the reason for this.

“Shouta. Honey... You didn’t do anything- Ow” you started to sit up but cut yourself off as you let out a whimper. Your hand instinctively went to your side that hurt in order to rub out the muscle-.

“Goddamnit STOP HEALING”

Your hand stopped above the sore muscle as you looked at him with wide eyes. With his face finally in full view, you truly took in just how fucked up he looked. “Honey....” you whimpered as you rested your hand on the sore muscle and rubbed it slightly, no light emitted from your hand but it was because you weren’t going to heal yourself. His intense gaze faltered only slightly at your frightful one, he wasn’t asking nicely anymore.

He was demanding.

He wanted you to stop doing this to yourself, but what good could you be if you couldn’t help people. “This is my quirk... I use it to help people” you stated cooly, regaining your composure under his heavy gaze. Fights like this were rare and usually ended in tears, so your calm and cool composure was stopping it before it began. “You can be mad at me all you want... But stop beating yourself up for something you didn't do-”

“I told them you’d be vital-”

“THEY ALREADY KNOW I AM SHOUTA” you screamed back. There goes that calm composure. He stood up straighter in shock, both from your words as well as your tone. You were furious at him. Not because he told them you were vital, but because he didn’t know that you already were. You were always there when the action started and you always picked up the pieces. The fact that he only saw the downfall of your quirk made you feel pathetic like you shouldn’t be vital.

“That's not what I meant Y/n... And you know it” he replied rigidly, fury radiating off of him in thick violent waves that made you feel seasick. You hated fighting. So instead, you let him talk. “Tell me what you meant then” your words, soft and sweet seemed to calm the tension just a bit as he cocked his head at you. He was confused about why your tone changed, but he wasn’t upset. “You are vital. Everyone knows it and therefore they use you despite not knowing the consequences. I see those consequences. You can hardly get out of bed after a rough mission, hell, USJ had you down for weeks. You couldn’t even enjoy the events and I know that you love watching those kids just as much as I do. I’m not asking you to stop. I’m not asking you to quit. I’m asking you to take care of yourself because while I can take care of you, I hate watching you struggle”

His words took your breath away as you finally saw his side of things. You nodded your head before looking down at your hands in distress, you made him feel this way. Your reckless behavior made him feel this way. The bed dipped beside you as his fingers traced your jaw before cupping your chin and forcing you to look at him. “I love you. More than anything... But I can't keep watching you do this to yourself. You have to learn your boundaries and stick to them.” You nodded at his soft words before looking away from him once more, you felt guilty. “Hey” your eyes snapped back to his as he looked at you lovingly, “You are safe with me. I’ll catch you when you fall” he cooed causing you to nod feverishly before throwing yourself in his arms. You’ll try harder, you’ll take more precautions, you’ll try not to fall again. Because while he may be there to catch you.

You’ll also have to be there to catch him.

#aizawa shouta imagine #aizawa shouta imagines #shouta aizawa imagine #aizawa shouta #shouta aizawa imagines #my hero academia imagine #my hero academia imagines #my hero academia #mha imagine #mha x reader #aizawa imagine #aizawa imagines #eraserhead imagine #eraserhead imagines

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angelicmichael · 5 years ago

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Imminient Annihilation Sounds so Dope, Chapter Seven

Michael Langdon x reader

Summary: Reader confesses to Mallory that she met Michael and they go have a night out, execpt they run into a certain someone ;)

Words: 6.1k+

Warnings; Mentions of alcohol poisoning, and someone gets VERY drunk (not saying who cause I don’t wanna spoil it). For the sake of the fic pretend that all characters including the reader are of legal drinking age: please and thank you lol

A/N: Sorry for not updating this in so long 😶 I will be back to add a ‘read more’ line and add it to my master list in a couple days. Idk why all my chapters and fics are so fucking long I’m sorry 😂 this chapter was originally even longer but I cut it down believe it or not. I feel like the chapter is the ‘peak’ moment for the tension between Michael and Reader for sure. The tension and the dynamic between them is just so fun to write honestly haha. Reblog or like this if you enjoyed ♥️ also if u wanna be on the tag list let me know!! ALSOO this is readers POV and takes place about a day after the last chapter!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

You felt tense. That was the best way to describe how you felt but it also wasn’t. You felt a constant swirling storm inside of you since you met Michael. That storm made you feel different flavors and elements of being anxious and angry but being tense was the most prominent emotion of them all.

You made the difficult choice to lay low about your new powers, but that only seemed the make the crazed whirlwind of emotions you felt even worse.

You knew you were making the best decision by not telling the coven, it would only breed more chaos and make everything more complicated if you did decide to come clean about your powers. You hated to admit it but lying to Cordelia was too fucking easy.

Telling little white lies to Cordelia was easy anyway, however, pretending that you only had two powers everyday was not so easy. You could feel your new powers growing and itching to be used. It was almost like you had all of this pent up energy inside of you but no outlet. It seemed to burn at your fingertips and the fact that you couldn’t be your true authentic self in front of your sisters was slowly killing you and sending you into some kind of depression. You weren’t sure what was worse, going insane or letting the depression slowly eat away at you.

However hiding your new powers from your best friend was what was really proving to be the most difficult of all. You were normally a open book with Mallory, she knew everything that there was to know about you.. execpt for this. She didn’t know that you were now supposed to be the next supreme, and she certainly didn’t know that your powers were so strong that you were even stronger than the actual antichrist himself. And it was killing you not to tell her, and it was showing.

You had been drawing back and becoming reserved around Mallory over the past couple days, and it would be naive to say she didn’t notice. You knew she noticed but you two were just avoiding the topic.

Today was starting out as another typical morning for you. You and Mallory both got up, got dressed and were prepping to go downstairs to have another boring, dull day. Even though you had been distancing yourself from her you still waited to walk downstairs with her, and make small talk atleast. You atleast owed her that much.

You watched Mallory come out of the bathroom that was connected to your room, and shut the door. You stood up and approached your bedroom door; getting ready to leave but you felt a small hand touch your shoulder instead and stop you.

“(y/n), wait”.

You turned around and met Mallory’s sad honey colored eyes. It wasn’t just her eyes that seemed sad though, you could even hear it her voice. Something was wrong.

“Can we talk”?

She asked and you immeaditly nodded as you two both sat down on her bed. You couldn’t help but remember how last time you two sat on her bed to talk it was to discuss how you found out Micheal was your soulmate.. it seemed like only bad news was revealed on this bed.

“Yeah of course”.

You replied and took a deep breath and continued to keep talking instead of letting her talk.

“But it’s not fair to you Mallory that you have to be the one to initiate this conversation.. I.. Ive been hiding something”.

You spoke softly as you bit your lip. You could feel a pit in your stomach start to form as you did not want to continue to have this conversation with her but you knew you had too. You really shouldn’t have been keeping this information from her for so long in the first place. You noticed Mallory started to sit up a bit straighter as her eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion. Her mouth opened like she was about to start talking when you cut her off once again.

“I hurt Madison”.

Your words came out shakily, and you made sure to utter them out as a whisper so that none of your sisters could hear. The only thing you really became conscious of was your breathing and your heart beating in your chest. Everything else in the world seemed completely silent and irrelevant. It was as if the world had paused for a couple of seconds until Mallory chose to speak again.

“Madison? How? Why-“

She looked awfully confused as she spoke, and the words seemed to come out quickly. As if she thought the faster she spoke the faster you would give her an answer.

“I didn’t mean too but Micheal wasn’t there at all at first, it was Madison and it was my only option - she would’ve killed me”.

“So it was self defense”?

Mallory asked, the confused expression she wore ealier melted away and now was replaced with a much more stoic and cold look. However, it still held a touch of softness. She had to know deep down that you wouldn’t do something like this unless it was absolutely necessary.. right?

“Yes! I would never hurt her otherwise and you should know that! I wouldn’t hurt a fly”.

You replied and this was when Mallory gave you a small smile and rubbed your shoulder gently with her hand.

“I know (y/n) it’s just I don’t want you to get in trouble. Maybe we should tell Cordelia”?

Mallory offered as she drew her hand back from you.

“There’s no way I could tell Cordelia, Mallory. You know that this whole situation would just stress her out even more than she already is. I feel like she already thinks that I can’t pull the whole ‘seduce Michael’ scheme off. This would just add fuel to the fire, you know”?

You asked her, biting your lip in frustration.

“No, your right. I’m sorry, I just- this whole thing is so complicated. It would just be nice to have a easy solution to all of this”.

Mallory replied with a giggle and a small smile. She looked at you and looked at the floor as if she was deep in thought, and when you got a look in her eyes - you saw a glimmer of adventure and playfulness in her eyes. It was the same glimmer that was in her eyes when you first met her - it was what drew you to her initially. Mallory turned her head back up to look at you and this time she was grinning.

“So your telling me that your powers are stronger than Madison’s? Because you look unscathed”.

She continued and you took a deep breath.

“I- yeah. That’s another thing.. I think seeing Micheal for the first time set something off inside of me because I have these crazy powers, Mallory. I- I stopped Michael from hurting me. I dont know exactly how but I did. Each day my powers seem to be growing and I don’t want to burden anyone else with this information so.. I just feel helpless”.

You ranted. You felt incredibly guilty as you spoke, you knew you were implying that you would be the next supreme but that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t want to be supreme. You didn’t want to take that away from Mallory, your best friend.

“I know your meant to be the next supreme and I would never want to take that away from you-“

You continued to talk but Mallory hugged you and before you realized it you stopped talking. You sat there on the bed speechless. You looked at the patch of sunlight that was in the room since the light was turned off and the curtains were drawn. You supposed noticing this ray of sun was a sign - a sign that things would finally get better and that Mallory would drag you out of this weird funk you’ve found yourself in the past couple days. Then Mallory started to speak,

“Don’t ever think that your taking something away from me. I never really wanted to be supreme anyway I mean, that’s a lot of responsibility and.. I don’t know (y/n) but maybe your not supreme. If your powers are really growing at the rate you said they were then wouldn’t Cordelia’s powers be dying out? And Cordelia’s powers haven’t been affected that I’ve noticed”.

By the time she was finished talking, Mallory stopped hugging you and was looking at you dead in the eyes. The patch of sunlight seemed to hit her and highlighted her dark brown eyes, making them look golden and honey brown. They were beautiful. She was beautiful.

But now was not the time to ogle at Mallory’s beauty; you knew she had a point. Cordelia was constantly teaching and preforming her powers, it would be obvious if her powers started to deplete.

“Yeah but what would that even mean? Would that mean I’m like some other entity like Micheal is? I mean, damn maybe I’m not even a witch at all”.

You were thinking outloud at this point. You crossed your arms gently as you started to get deep in thought. What the fuck would that even mean if you weren’t a witch? How many entities were there that even had ‘magical’ powers? And how would that even really make sense anyway? Your powers really only advanced so rapidly once you met Michael, before that you were just like any other witch. If you really were a entity or something, wouldn’t your powers manifested immeaditly? Plus, you think you would’ve noticed if you really were a demon or some shit.

“Well don’t jump to conclusions I mean, if you really want to know if your a witch you should talk to Cordelia. She would know. Taking the seven wonders wouldn’t be a horrible idea either”.

“Yeah.. maybe after this whole ordeal with Micheal is over though”.

It was nearly as if a lightbulb was turned on in Mallory, she suddenly lit up when you mentioned Micheals name and her mouth even dropped open slightly.

“I totally forgot about Micheal! What happened with Micheal when you met him? How did he not hurt you”?

She questioned and you licked your lips before you continued.

“Take a guess”.

You said with a smirk. It was as if she read your mind because she seemed to know immeaditly what you were talking about. She knew that you were implying that your powers were stronger than Michaels.

“No way! We need to tell Cordelia”!

Mallory’s face continued to light up but you simply shook your head.

“I cant, Mallory. I really can’t”.

You replied softly, trying to stifle a laugh. It made you happy to know that Mallory didn’t reject you or the idea that you might possibly be supreme. However the idea that you perhaps weren’t even fucking human at all overwhelmed you - to say the very least. For now, you were trying to ignore that little detail though.

“Well if your stronger than Micheal than there’s no reason to stay cooped up then, is there”?

“But the coven and Cordelia still need to think that nothing changed. They don’t even know that I met Micheal-“

“We’re going out tonight whether you like it or not. It’s a Friday, and no one will notice if we sneak out.. we deserve a nice night out stress free”.

She replied and you couldn’t help but agree to it. She had a point, it felt purely stupid now to hide away in Robichaux’s when you really had nothing to fear.. even if Micheal did show up, you were stronger than him.. when it came to him hurting you though. Who knows if you would be able to stop his powers if he tried to hurt someone else, like god forbid, Mallory. The odds of Micheal actually showing up tonight in Lousiana were slim to none though. Most likely the fucker was cooped up in his crazy expensive penthouse back in L.A.

But after all you deserved to have a nice night out. You deserved this.

It wasn’t hard to find a house party to go to on a Friday night in Lousiana.. it was nearly laughable at how easy it truly was. It was getting close to midnight and you and Mallory had just arrived, parking the black SUV about a block away from the party you two planned on ‘crashing’.

The house was huge, and college students decorated the yard and flooded the house - making the once spacious area seem cramped and tiny as you walked through the yard and then into the house with Mallory. Mallory led the way as she held your hand as to not get lost as you two had to push through people to find drinks.

It was difficult to be completely certain but with the limited decor you noticed on the walls, the house seemed to be a frat house which explained why all the boys looked like jocks and why all the females seemed to be dressed in minimal clothing. You and Mallory both sported black dresses, hers was long and flowy and fell to about her knees while your dress hugged your body a lot more and ended mid thigh.

You two looked like you belonged here, like you were a part of the party scene but you really weren’t. This was the first time you and Mallory had ever been to be a place like this... from what you heard - this seemed to be more of Madison’s scene. You know she frequently visited frat houses - probably even this one atleast once.

Thinking about Madison put a bad taste in your mouth - it made you incredibly sad. The image of how Madison’s body looked when you threw her against the wall played in your mind but you were quickly brought out of your thoughts when Mallory handed you a cup. You took a sniff of it and sure enough, whatever the substance was DEFINITELY had alcohol in it. You tried not to think to hard about what the substance exactly was before you completly chugged it. Mallory merely gawked at you.

“Your gonna get sick if you keep drinking that fast”!

Mallory yelled at you, you could barely hear her through the blasting music and all of the people talking. You simply giggled at her before replying.

“I’ll be right back”!

You yelled as you turned around, on a mission to find where the rest of the booze was. Of course you didn’t see where Mallory got your booze from in the first place, and it was fucking impossible to see where the kitchen was when you were literally shoulder to shoulder with strangers from how packed this house was.

You swear you could already feel the effects of the alcohol because you knew normally you would be gagging at the smell the house reeked of. It could be best described as pure sweat and maybe unwashed underwear?

You were pleasantly surprised to find that when you next opened your mouth, it was words that came out and not vomit. You didn’t even look to see who was next to you when you spoke; there were so many people in this god damn house - someone was bound to hear you. You had wandered off from Mallory as well, you couldn’t see her anymore but you really weren’t worried at the moment.

“Excuse me, do you know where there keeping the alcohol”?

You tapped the person who was next to you on the shoulder lightly.

The person had their back turned to you and as soon as you actually had time to look at them - you felt as if you had been stabbed square in the chest with fear.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

The person you tapped wore a full black outfit with hands crossed behind their back, and their fingers were adorned with several expensive looking rings. Their hair was a curly, beautiful, golden blonde that seemed to rest around their head like a nest or halo of some sort. You just knew that all of these features seemed to hauntingly familiar to you. Too familiar.

Your mouth fell open as you tried to back up but you ended up stepping on someone’s foot, you were trapped. This time, if it really was him, you didn’t have the luxury of running away like you did on the previous meeting. You didn’t know if it was worse to be alone with him or to be stuck with him in a room full of people. Hopefully you were just over reacting and this was just a doppelgänger at best.

The person (who you were hoping wasn’t Micheal) finally sauntered around to face you, you couldn’t help but continue to gawk at them with your mouth wide open. You knew if you continued to keep your mouth open you would surely attract flies so you managed to close your mouth.

You realized this person was wearing a light black cape with two golden claspes on each side with a golden chain running between the two claspes. You couldn’t help but briefly think how expensive those claspes probably were - fuck. All it took was for you to look up and meet his icy blue eyes. Fuck, those eyes. Once you pulled yourself out of the trance his eyes seemed to put you in, you then realized who you were staring at... oh no.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck fuck!!

“I don’t, I was actually just looking for the drinks myself. Care to search with me”?

You stood there as he spoke, completly fucking baffled. You forgot you had even talked to him at all ealier, but he sure didn’t seem surprised to see you. Weird. It was almost as if he knew you were going to be here, but how was that even possible? He wore a smug smirk on his face while your thoughts started to race at one hundred miles per hour.

You tried to make it look less apparent that you were so shocked; it looked like he was getting off on the fact that you looked caught off guard. You didn’t know too much about him but you knew he had a thing for control and manipulation; and you weren’t about to let Langdon control you anymore than he already had.

“Wait.. What? What the fuck are you even doing here”?

You asked and threw your hands up in the air in frustration. The sheer hatred and anger you held in your voice got the attention of a few people who stood close to you but they quickly lost interest.. thank god.

You went to this party with the intention of finally letting go of fear and being able to be free and yet you ran into the person that you were dreading would be there. You felt incredibly angry that he took this night away from you, a night where you could just let go and have fun but now that was fucking gone.

It was odd how he wasn’t scared to confront you when he knew you were stronger than he is. It’s as if he got off on having control over you and your life, and even how you felt.. And you were so fucking over it. It was so fucking sick.

“I could easily ask you the same, couldn’t I”?

Micheal responded. Instead of yelling to talk to you, you noticed that he kept moving in closer and closer to talk to you and you were still trapped. You could feel your palms starting to itch with inticipation, waiting for the right moment to use your powers to attack - if it came to that but that was the absolute last resort. You were surrounded by way too many people to just use your powers freely like in the abandoned house you two had met in previously.

“You don’t own me Micheal. I’m sick of feeling like you control me, I feel like I’m not even in charge of my own emotions or actions anymore. And now when I finally try to have a night to forget about you, you fucking show up. So let me ask you again, what are you fucking doing here”?

You hissed. You kept your voice a little low, still yelling but not quite at the volume that would catch other people’s attention. You made sure to look right into Micheals eyes as you spoke, you wanted to show him you weren’t scared. There was no reason to cower from him anymore.

Micheal smirked as he glanced over his shoulder, as if he was making sure no one was picking up on your conversation. There was so many fucking people here, it was really hard to tell if any of them were purposely listening in or not. And even if they were listening, it probably just sounded like you two were exes that happened to run into eachother at a party.

“I’m here for the same reason you are. To forget about all of the bullshit that’s happened within this past week. So, C’Mon lets go take shots”.

Micheal said and actually grabbed your hand. Your mouth dropped once again as soon as he touched you, your not sure if it was from pure surprise or disgust.. maybe both? Your first instinct was to take back your hand and you tried to - you really did but the fucker seemed to have cat like reflexes and he caught your hand before you could yank it away too far.

You thought the first time you would touch your soulmate you feel sparks or fireworks and maybe even butterflies but when Micheal touched you, and was even leading you through the crowd now - you felt nothing of the sort.

You felt regret, nausea, and if anything it felt like you had almost been electrocuted when he touched you. And not in a good way.

He was moving through the crowd pretty damn fast, and he wasn’t really holding your hand - more so grabbing onto your wrist as if you were a kid who was about to be punished. You tried to slide your wrist out of his grip but he wouldn’t fucking let go, and it was really starting to hurt. You stumbled behind him and he continued lugging you through the crowd and to the kitchen; where there was definetly still a crowd but it was more dispersed and there was actually room to breathe. It was a little bit quieter here too, the music a little bit distant and the crowd was more sparse. It wasn’t nessacary to scream here to talk but you chose to anyway for your next sentence because you wanted to make sure he fucking heard you.

“Micheal let go”!

You yelled, you still couldn’t work your wrist free so you took your other hand to pry Micheals hand free off of you.

You noticed people were staring at you two - you didn’t look to see but you could feel their eyes on you. Micheal must’ve sensed that you two were getting attention because he finally let go of your fucking wrist. Ow. He might’ve let go because you were also digging your nails into his skin as well.

You rubbed your wrist which was now red as you frowned deeply. Even though your wrist was really just irritated and not actually injured; you still chose to put your other hand over your wrist and heal it. It’s not like anyone would notice, you doubted even Michael noticed what you were doing. However, What you really wanted to do was to continue to yell at Micheal but you knew you couldn’t do that now, espically since you just got people to stop staring. You cleared your throat.

“What the hell is this all about Micheal? Are you out of your mind”?

You hissed, glaring daggers at him as you spoke. You hurt Madison, why was he not furious with you? It made no fucking sense. And he wanted to take shots with you?? What??

You don’t know what exactly you were so mad about honestly, because this point it was fucking everything. You don’t know if it was the fact that he was trying to pretend everything was okay when it obviously fucking wasn’t, or the fact he was expecting you to just forget all of the bad blood that was between you too? Who knew at this point.

You waited for him to talk but instead he moved toward the counter to pour shots, you assumed since he was so hellbent on you two drinking together. You wouldn’t be surprised if he poisoned your drink honestly but something about Michael today seemed desperate, and sad. He really seemed like he was trying to get on your good side; maybe you were just reading him wrong but you felt like you could trust him tonight.

Michael didn’t even bother to turn around to reply to you; he kept his focus on the alcohol and not even making eye contact as he spoke.

“I told you, I’m done fighting”.

He said. He nearly slammed the alcohol bottle down onto the counter and he turned to look at you as he kept speaking. He first handed you your shot which happened to be clear in a tiny red plastic cup. You stared at the fluid in the cup suspiciously, and then you looked back up at Michael. You figured you would watch him drink his shot first before you had yours.

“The more I try to distance myself from you, the more I just end up getting fucking nowhere so I’m done trying to run away from you. Whenever I try to push you away someone ends up getting hurt, so It’s not worth it.. bottoms up”.

Micheal took his shot and downed it within seconds and slammed it back down on the counter. You noticed he was already reaching for the bottle to fill up his glass again. You continued to keep holding onto your cup absentmindedly as you watched Michael pour himself another glass. You couldn’t help but to notice how whenever he spoke tonight there seemed to be a desperation in his voice, it was as if he had given up. It almost made you feel bad for him.. almost.

You had to remind yourself who he was, and what his ultimate goals were. The only reason he was sad and angsty tonight was because he couldn’t manipulate you or use his powers against you, it wasn’t because he cared or felt any kind of empathy for you. It stung and hurt for you to acknowledge that but you knew you couldn’t let his charm cloud your judgement.

You already had a drink ealier but you figured this tiny shot wouldn’t hurt, being tipsy around Micheal couldn’t be TOO risky.. After all Michael seemed to be pretty cozy with drinking around you. You downed your shot and pull your small plastic cup back onto the table; assuming Micheal would fill it for you since he was still holding the bottle of alcohol.

You were about to speak but instead you heard someone else speak up and talk to Micheal instead.

“Why are you even taking shots? You might as well just drink the whole bottle at this point”.

It was an all too familiar voice, you whipped your head around and you saw Mallory. You exhaled and grinned, you were never happier to see another human being in your fucking life.

It’s not like you were alone with Micheal, you were surrounded by people but you felt alone. Micheal could do whatever he wanted to you here because you couldn’t use your powers. You felt isolated and alone but now with Mallory here? You were getting the fuck out. Nothing could stop you now.

You were surprised Mallory made such a snide remark to the damn antichrist of all people.. I mean she knew who he was.. right?

Micheal at first smirked, and then he full on laughed - it was like he was trying to hold it in at first. He was defintly feeling the alcohol you could only assume. You’d never seen him laugh before... you couldn’t decipher whether it was a true laugh or a sarcastic one from being challenged.

“Your right. I guess I will”.

Micheal announced, he placed his shot glass on the table and even slid it across. Your not sure if it slid naturally or if he used a bit of his magic - a quick glance around told you that no one seemed to notice or care execpt you.

He started to chug the bottle which happened to be a pretty big fucking bottle of Absolute Vodka. You watched his throat as his Adam’s apple continued to bob as he swallowed.. and swallowed and swallowed. You and Mallory’s mouth both dropped open, you didn’t know what the fuck to do. You both looked at eachother in shock as you watched the amount of liquid in the bottle start to grow smaller and smaller.

He was defintly going to get sick at this rate, and be drunk off his fucking ass. Yes, you hated him and wanted him dead but not like this. Choking on his own vomit and dying drunk and alone would be a fucking awful death; even for the antichrist. And lucky for him you actually gave a shit about people and their feelings.

You knew Cordelia’s ideal end game would be to have Micheal dead as soon as possible but if you could help it Micheal wasn’t going to die tonight. You would rather it be a quick and painless death if he had to die; dying by being drunk would not quick and painless. And on the other hand, Mallory didn’t even know this was Micheal yet. You assumed she probably thought this was just some guy you stumbled across - which wasn’t a totally wrong assumption. You brought your attention back to the man in front of you; who was still fucking drinking, the bottle was nearly empty.

“Hey! Stop”!

You hissed at Micheal. You gripped the end of the bottle and yanked it away from him - he had a damn good grip didn’t he?

The bottle was at least three quarters empty, fuck. You noticed Mallory gave you a weird look when you yelled at Micheal but you only did so cause you didn’t want to randomly name drop him, you figured they could have a (semi) proper introduction.

You still held onto the bottle as you shifted glances between Mallory and Micheal. You pointed at each of them with the bottle you held as you said their names.

“Mallory, this is Micheal. Micheal, this is Mallory”.

Mallory, who was staring at you before, instantly snapped her head toward Michael as her eyes grew wide. It was as if she was trying to convince herself that what you had just said wasn’t true. She looked completly panicked, in fact you could nearly feel the anxiety radiating off of her like how you would feel the heat rising off of a hot stove.

“This is Micheal”?!

Mallory asked in a panicked whisper. You merely nodded quickly. Micheal on the other hand looked purely amused, and swayed in place dangerously. If he wasn’t drunk before, he definitely was now. you had no doubt in your mind that he was reading and taking in all her thoughts right now, if he wasn’t too drunk to use his powers anyway. You weren’t drunk, maybe just a little tipsy at most but you could still feel the strength of your powers swirling inside you. Being intoxicated definitely had no effect on the strength of your powers - that was good to know. Michaels blue eyes flickered from watching Mallory to meeting your gaze.

You knew no one else execpt maybe Mallory was staring at you but you felt under the spotlight under Micheals gaze, almost like how a bug would feel right before being squashed. You started to sweat and shift uncomfterably in place. You felt even more uncomfterable as he spoke.

“Is this your new normal now? Do you always keep a posey of witches around you wherever you go? How about you just introduce me to rest”.

Micheal mused, you nearly screeched when he said the word ‘witches’ outloud. Even though he looked obviously drunk, his words came out smoother than silk - not stumbling on his words once. You found it odd Michael didn’t even bother addressing Mallory, not even respecting her enough to look her in the eyes. You assumed he knew she was a witch from reading her thoughts, or maybe he could just sense it. This seemed to piss you off any more of that was even possible. He could at least pretend to be civil.

“Micheal, What is your problem? Im not scared of you”.

You snarled, you stepped closer to him, just a foot away from his face as you stared him in the eyes. Even though you felt insanely nervous doing this, you knew Micheal couldn’t hurt you. You just needed to show him that you were in control for once. Not him.

You felt Mallory’s soft hand on your bicep, very gently pulling your arm back. You knew she was scared that you or Michael would start fighting.

“(y/n), we need to go”.

You heard her say. Micheal still had a smug smile on his lips and you wanted nothing more than to wipe it clean off.

You backed off though, you took a couple steps back and turned to Mallory; your back now to Michael. As you spoke, you felt Micheal tug on the bottom of the bottle you still held - trying to take it back - but you gently tugged it back. He was already drunk out of his mind, no fucking way he was having more.

“I can’t leave him like this, he’s going to get himself killed”.

You explained to Mallory, frowning. It’s not like you wanted to spend tonight babysitting Micheal but you couldn’t trust him to be by himself.. even if he was acting like a asshole and purposefully trying to piss you off. You could tell Mallory was about to protest by the look on her face but you spoke instead.

“Don’t worry about me I’ll be fine. Go home, I’m gonna stay with him”.

“There’s no way I’m going to let you do that, what if he hurts you”?!

“I’m not worried, I’m stronger than him. Plus he’s drunk, the only one he’s in danger of hurting right now is himself”.

You said with a giggle. Mallory quickly took a couple steps toward you and bear hugged you. You hugged her back and you could barely make out the words,

“Be careful. I’m gonna head back”.

You gave Mallory a somber smile as you watched her melt back into the sea of people as she left the kitchen. You turned your attention back to the drunk bafoon you had the pleasure of babysitting tonight.

You caught him dancing embarrassingly bad and trying to lip sync to whatever hip hop song was playing.. you could only laugh as you walked over to him.

After pick pocketing his phone from his back pocket of his jeans, you quickly got you two a Uber to wherever the hell Michael was staying this time.

You could only hope it was another nice penthouse like how his one in L.A. was.

While holding his phone; you didn’t mean to snoop or go through anything execpt the Uber app (which you downloaded) but.. a message notification popped up.

A quick glance at Michael told you that he wasn’t paying attention, the dumbass was too drunk to even notice you took his phone in the first place.

You looked over back at his phone and first noticed the message was from Madison, and then you noticed what the message even was.. a photo. It looked to be a photo of.. oh my god.

Was that Madison? Was that a fucking nude? Your mouth opened and your shut his screen off, you immeaditly handed his phone back over to him which he reluctantly took with a confused puppy look.

By how Michael was talking ealier you thought that maybe he wanted to make mends but if he still had this kind of relationship with Madison, what did it even mean? What did any of this mean? You saw first hand though how in love he was with her. He wasn’t just going to break up with her, you should’ve known that.

You shook your head, atleast you knew you had a lot to think about tonight.

Taglist: @mindlesschicca @mina672 @guiltyfiend @michaellangdonstanaccount @9layerdevilsfoodcake

#lemme know how trash this chapter was lol #i feel like the writing in the beginning and end is good but in the middle its kinda meh?#writing drunk michael is SO fun #next chapter is pure drunk michael content #michael x reader #michael langdon x reader #imminient annihilation sounds so dope #my fic #ahs

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galleryfake · 4 years ago

Text

answering every question from muse things - !

❄ — all striked answers are things that do not apply to him, and even if they do, he has no opinion/doesn’t find it relevant. three of the sections have been omitted entirely due to their lack of relevance to his thought process.

SELF + HEALTH

how do they see themselves? — as a part of the spider, nothing more or less. without it, he’d be just another person living uselessly until death.

how do they want to be seen by others? — he hopes he can be useful & that he can bring even the most fleeting, temporary meaning to his loved ones’ existences. he also, secretly, wishes to be loved, and to have it expressed to him in any of its forms.

what is their life motto?

would they rather lead or follow? —follow.

what motivates them? — working as part of a group, & discovering hidden or sealed away knowledge.

are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? — his tongue, as he dislikes physical fighting as anything other than a means to an end. he only fights to kill and doesn’t like to spar.

do they have any pet peeves? — acts of pure emotion that have no thought or planning put behind them, that end up deconstructing something that could’ve been handled more sensibly. so basically... most things done by enhancers, in general. looking at you, phinks & uvo.

what do they most regret? —not many things, in general. when things get screwed up despite him having thought he had made the best judgement at the time, it will keep him up for a few nights, but he’ll eventually forgive himself and move past it. paku’s death, for example.

what achievement are they most proud of? — being the troupe’s only #12, yet to have been killed and replaced.

what would they like to improve on? —nen is a very versatile pool of energy to work with, he will always be tweaking with his abilities one way or the other. see: his ice transmutation.

do they have any scars? —several very tiny blips on the expanse of his skin that tell of countless IV insertions and things strapped to him when he was younger. a fair amount of battle scars, mostly centered around his hands and arms. #justconjurerthings

do they have a disability? — anxiety disorder & ptsd, both which he quietly shoves down and rarely ever discusses their symptoms - as both are essentially a given, considering their line of work.

do they have any allergies or food intolerances? —mildly allergic to pollen, VERY allergic to latex. the latter is the reason he doesn’t ever wear disposable gloves even though he prefers to keep his hands clean.

do they have any long-term illnesses or injuries? —being a clearly very premature infant having inhaled the toxins of meteor city’s trash, he spent his infanthood all the way up to his early double digits extremely ill and practically on the verge of death. his body went into sepsis several times due to a weak immune system, and complications with his blood vessels left him with acrocyanosis well into adulthood after being on and off a (cheap) ventilator for years at a time. nowadays he’s mostly fine, though, just very small and very purple in the hands.

PERSONALITY

describe their personality in one word. — cryptic.

their predominant emotion? —contemplative.

someone wrongs them. do they respond with revenge or forgiveness? — calculative neutrality, then, depending on which conclusion he draws, either forgiveness or cautious distrust, but never revenge.

do they make snap judgments or take time to consider? — almost always takes time to consider, except in rare cases where his emotions run high and cloud his reason.

are they a glass half-full or a glass half-empty kind of person? — depends on the situation, he will assess it accordingly.

do they express themselves through words or deeds? — a combination of both, most likely a deed followed by a bit of helpful explanation.

how often do they lie? — not often, unless it’s to conceal his own weakness or to deceive someone on orders from chrollo.

do they listen to their head or their heart while making a decision? — his head, but sometimes his head and his heart war with eachother, and his heart wins in tense split-second decisions.

HABITS

how organized/disorganized are they? — quite organized. organizing is a small hobby of his, and he’ll often do it without even thinking as he busies himself in thought.

do they have any routines? — his life is a bit too hectic for that, but he does have a specific way of washing + caring for his hair out of a shower and right before bed, to avoid tangles.

talk about their mannerisms. — gesturing with his hands. making small noises to himself. flicking his head to either side to adjust his hair-to-vision ratio.

is there an item they take with them wherever they go? — his cellphone, for obvious reasons, and often a small weapon he can clone for traceless murders, such as a knife or a handgun.

good habits and bad habits. — good habits: cleanliness and organization. bad habits: repressing his feelings and keeping himself up at night with anxious scenarios and telling no one.

THOUGHTS

their views on formal education vs self-education?

what are their thoughts on animals? — sees them as no different than humans, selfish survivalists staying alive by whims and instinct. this is not a good thing. he kills them as effortlessly as he kills humans, if needed.

how much do they care what people think about them? — when it comes to the troupe: he cares a lot more than he lets on. anyone else? strictly 0.

do they enjoy being the center of attention? why or why not? — he typically doesn’t, he gives himself performance anxiety by holding himself to a high standard, even though he typically accomplishes whatever he sets out to do with a high success rate.

how do they feel about learning? — one of his favorite hobbies, and the easiest way to bond with him.

which do they value more: creativity or practicality? — they go hand-in-hand, he’d say. they are both tools to be utilized at their proper times.

thoughts on material possessions? — he doesn’t keep many himself, but somewhat understands the need to have them and assign them value. under no circumstances should anyone be deluded into thinking anything can be owned, though. even objects.

would they rather win an argument or avoid conflict? — avoid conflict, though purely intellectual arguments thrill him and he actively seeks them out on occasion.

views on people in general? — food for the spider’s web.

what qualities do they admire in other people? — confidence in one’s actions, clear sets of boundaries that they follow, and the sense that someone knows what they’re doing beyond a shadow of a doubt.

how do they feel about fun?

what do they want written on their tombstone? — nothing. he’d much prefer to have no trace of himself left behind.

what would an ideal day, in their mind, be like? — discovering something new to revel in for a while, and then ending his day in the warm presence of someone he loves.

thoughts on privacy? (are they private or are they “tmi”?) — most people assume him to be very secretive and locked away, but he’s actually rather honest about things when asked directly - he just doesn’t divulge them on a whim. like with most things, he never speaks first, but this doesn’t mean he never speaks at all.

thoughts on superstitions or the occult? (do they believe, not believe, etc.)

what are their religious views? — none. as far as he’s concerned, everything is put into motion by someone’s individual will. if some god doesn’t exist, he’s not particularly concerned about it.

THE PAST

where did they grow up? — meteor city.

how would they describe their family? — the spider.

what was their childhood like? —plagued by illness.

what did they want to be when they grew up? — alive to see it.

as a child, what were they most likely to be found doing? — struggling to breathe in a medical cot somewhere in meteor city.

the worst thing that has ever happened to them. — first running away from the city by himself and experiencing withdrawal from being taken out of intensive care for his weak body.

the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to them. — whenever he’s called out for his emotional weakness for the troupe. he just loves them, okay.

the best thing that has ever happened to them. — a little bit after being recruited, the first time he felt truly acclimated with them. like he had a family for the first time.

which memory stands out most clearly? — meeting chrollo, and getting close to shal and fei. those memories still visit his pleasant dreams once in a while.

TOUGH STUFF

do they have any phobias? — medical rooms or establishments such as hospitals. they make him instantly claustrophobic and if he absolutely HAS to be inside of one, he will make an effort to complete his task there as quickly as possible while still doing exactly what he needs to do.

do they get nightmares? — sometimes, but they’re never violent, mainly just sad and vaguely hollow and empty. from these, he wakes up feeling like he didn’t even sleep at all.

what kind of person are they? — one you would likely be much worse off for meeting, if you’re not a spider.

would they let someone take the blame for something they did? — sure. it was their choice to do so, after all.

what are they insecure about? — his own emotional weaknesses. they’re a nuisance to his thoughts and strategies and no one should be bothered with them.

what is one way to earn their trust? — simply make plans and follow through with them. display confidence and the skill with which to back it up.

what is one way to lose their trust? — be an enhancer. *COUGH* i mean, be primarily emotionally driven and cause destruction as a result. such a bringer of chaos would no doubt be a headache to have around regularly.

one thing they would hate anyone to know about them. — that he’s very soft and with simple desires. he’ll verbally deny being slightly clingy and affection-starved, but his actions will say otherwise.

they have to pick one: to be loved, to be feared, or to be admired. — to be loved. no question.

have they ever been bullied or teased? — due to his size, typically, but he doesn’t really care. there’s no impact to his life if people think he looks weird due to his appearance, or his voice or his powers. they’ll simply have to live with it.

FUN STUFF

what is their character archetype? — the quiet but deadly one.

what are they confident about? — he is confident in his efficiency and ability to carry out tasks and speak truthfully.

talk about their moral alignment. — true neutral. pretty self-explanatory.

describe them in three words. — helpful. devoted. curious.

describe their aesthetic. — ancient libraries covered in dust. a snowstorm in the night. an iced-over lake reflecting an overcast sky.

what will make them laugh? — seeing his loved ones happily goofing off and being relaxed, as well as any number of empathetic reactions shared by the happiness of ones close to him.

what makes them feel safe? — simply being near the others, or being somewhere very far-off and secluded from largely populated areas.

favorite color and the reason for it. — blue, simply because his hair and eyes all fall in line with its palettes and it looks good on him.

favorite book genre? — informational textbooks of a certain field of expertise, or, in the case of fiction, mystery &/or crime solving.

favorite movie genre? — psychological thriller. also may or may not have a thing for hallmark movies with cheesy happy endings.

favorite type of muse?

if they could have a superpower, what would they choose?

do they have a role model? — definitely chrollo, and also, to a certain extent, feitan.

what is their personal kryptonite? — choosing things/planning for things that involve the life or death of someone in the spider. in that moment, his emotions cloud his judgement and he can only find himself reaching the conclusion most likely to keep them alive. he can hardly bear to lose any of them.

how do they entertain themselves? — organizing things, studying a particular topic, or playing a boardgame/doing puzzles.

#✧ headcanons — illusionary spider #; stealing an entire ask meme to fill it out completely again? yes that's me and i will do it again

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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941

ACH

Do you listen to anything by Bach? I’ve probably encountered some of his material since I like looking for classical musical playlists to listen to on Spotify, but I’m nowhere near being a devoted fan or anything like that.

ASH

Do you like ash trees? I’m not attached to any kind of tree, really – but I know I have nothing against this kind, haha.

Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? No. The only ashes I’ve gotten to encounter are my grandpa’s, but we’ve since placed them in our local ossuary so that he can rest in peace.

How often do you feel like you want to bash your head against a wall? Before September, quite seldom. But with this month being so turbulent, chaotic, and nothing like I expected it to be, seldom has turned into every day.

Has anyone ever thrown you a big birthday bash? Sure. I had a big party when I was 7 and I also had a nice slew of celebrations when I turned 18. But if you mean a surprise birthday bash then no, no one has thrown one for me.

Do you know anyone who is brash? I do, but fortunately I haven’t had to work with her for a while now. I certainly often felt annoyed when I used to have to.

Do you typically carry cash or a credit/debit card? OMG Y’ALL I finally opened my own bank account last Friday I’ve never felt so grown-up until now haha. My dad helped me set up my first card, which is a debit card. :)

Have you ever crashed someone else’s party before? No, that sounds so annoying omg. I’d never want to be known as a gatecrasher. I know I’d be pissed if someone showed up to any of my parties uninvited.

Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes but fortunately they’ve all been super mild ones. One of my biggest fears is getting involved in a car crash where things would be out of my control and becoming seriously injured, like if a drunk driver crashed into me or if a 12-wheeler loses its brakes and slams into my car or something. I think I’d live in resentment for the rest of my life if that sort of thing happened to me and still ended up alive.

Do you use Door Dash? I didn’t know what this is so I had to look it up, and even though we don’t have Door Dash we do have several apps that do exactly the same services.

How often do you use a dash in your writing? I like using them in more casual contexts like survey entries, personal essays, feature articles, etc. I avoid dashes in academic writing since dashes are not really the most formal of punctuation marks.

Last place you made a mad dash to? The car repair shop that my dad asked me to meet him at because his situation was a little urgent at the time.

Do you make it a habit to flash people? Oh wow, no I don’t. That’s one of the last things anyone can expect from me. I like wearing revealing or skin-tight articles of clothing, but that doesn’t mean I like giving absolutely everything away lol

Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? No flash, always. I hate the effect that flash does and I never go for it, unless I’m in an area where lighting is poor.

Is the Flash one of your favorite superheroes? No. I’m not very big on superheroes to begin with.

Do you use the phrase “I’ll be back in a flash”? Not really. I find myself using “I’ll be super quick” more, or using ‘jiffy’ instead of flash.

Have you ever had a gash in your head before? Anywhere else on your body? I sported a gash near my eyebrow once because of some cousin who tried to blind me by hurling a glass jar towards my left eye and just narrowly missing my actual eyeball. Now there’s a scar in its place. Currently, I have multiple gashes on my arms and legs because Cooper.

Do you like hash browns? They’re okay, but I can’t have them all the time because I find them way too greasy for my enjoyment.

Do you do hash? No.

How often do you use hash tags? Almost never, unless I’m fighting for a political cause like BLM or calling for free mass testing. Hashtags got real lame real quick when they started getting popular around 7-8 years ago.

Do you have long eyelashes? Yes, it’s my favorite feature of mine and I get compliments on them fairly often.

How often do you lash out at others? For what reasons? Not often, but when I do it’s almost always because I’m already buckling under immense pressure and probably have nowhere to release my stress onto. I don’t turn it into an automatic mechanism though, because I don’t want to make others feel like shit for things they didn’t do.

Do you like mashed potatoes? I enjoy them but they’re not really my favorite dish. I can do 4-5 spoonfuls of them before getting over them haha, like I can never seem to finish a serving of it.

Do you typically gnash your teeth together? No I HATEEEE the sensation and the sound that it makes. My sister grinds her teeth in her sleep and it drives me nuts whenever we’re on a family trip and we share a room.

Do you know someone who speaks balderdash? Sure.

What color is the backsplash of your kitchen? White.

Have you ever had any rashes before? What kinds? Yes. Back in high school I used to occasionally get a random itchy area on my leg and whenever I’d scratch it, it would turn into an ugly patch of rashes. I never figured what the condition was but I’m just glad it’s never happened again.

Do you typically make rash decisions? Sometimes. I really tend to impulsive. The last one I made was swapping a full-time job opportunity for an internship with much lesser pay. Even I was surprised by how quick I jumped into the latter, but I like the nature of the work of the internship SO MUCH MORE, and I dunno if I’ll be happy with what I would be doing in the full-time gig. Plus, internships here are never even paid ones, so the fact that they even offered to give me an allowance per day just goes to show how good the company I’m interning for is.

Have you ever worn a sash before? I probably have but I don’t remember what for anymore.

Do you often find that your personality clashes with others’ around you? Yes, but I’m also good at adjusting to all kinds of personalities so I’m not too bothered by the clashes.

Whose tires would you like to slash? Any racist’s tires, really.

Who would you like to smash with? No one at the moment.

What was the last thing you smashed out of anger? I don’t really tend to be violent when I’m angry. The last angry thing I did was to throw my head against a pillow, but that’s it.

Do you have a secret stash of something hidden anywhere? Nopes.

How often do you take out the trash? My parents prefer to do it so they don’t really ask us to.

Has anyone ever told you that you look like trash? Other than myself, no.

Do you like to splash in the pool, the bathtub, or in puddles? I wouldn’t call it my favorite thing to do; I hate the mess that it makes, ha.

Have you ever thrashed violently before? What was the cause? Yeah. I probably embarrassed my grandma for life when I did so, but it was when I had to be confined to the hospital and they needed to insert the IV thing on me. It sent me into the worst panic attack I’ve ever gotten and I ended up thrashing a lot and several people had to hold me down so that the nurse could stick the thing into my wrist.

Do you own and use an eyelash curler? No. Those make me cringe so bad...I hate how they get so close to the eyeball. Kate brought her makeup kit to school everyday and she always made me try to learn how to curl my own lashes, but it just made me feel so nauseated lol

Have you ever experienced backlash from others? A few times before.

Have you ever had whiplash before? Never.

ATH

Do you prefer a shower or a bath? Shower. Much more efficient. Baths are relaxing, but I don’t like how I end up bathing in what’s pretty much dirty water.

Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? I’ve only given Kimi a bath. I let my dad bathe Cooper since he’s too much of a handful for now, plus I think it’s fair if we bathe one dog each haha.

How good are you at math? I can answer advanced algebra, statistics, and geometry questions if you give me enough time to review and get reacquainted with the formulas, but I’m perfectly alright with no longer revisiting trigonometry and calculus for the rest of my life.

Do you feel like your life is on the right path? Career-wise it definitely is; I’m happy with the direction it’s going right now. Everything else seems so turbulent at the moment and I can’t say I’m happy.

Are there any bike paths or footpaths in your area? We have sidewalks, if they count.

Have you ever gone on the warpath before? Not really. I do get very angry with certain people if I think they’ve been behaving badly, but I rarely get confrontational.

Is there a birdbath in your yard? No, those aren’t common here at all. I’ve only seen those in cartoons, I think.

Have you ever had a footbath before? Nopes.

What’s the last thing you’ve had to deal with the aftermath of? I can think of one thing but it’s still pretty triggering so I don’t feel like bringing it up at the moment.

Have you ever witnessed a bloodbath? Thankfully I haven’t. I get so queasy when I see blood though; it’s so much better off this way because I wouldn’t be able to deal with one at all.

Are you a sociopath or a psychopath? Do you know anyone who might be? No lol. I don’t think I know of anyone who could possibly be either. I wouldn’t want to associate myself with one in the first place.

Who’s the last person that you faced the wrath of? Myself.

AMP

Do you have an instrument that you plug into an amp? Nope, I own 0 instruments.

When’s the last time you felt amped up? What was the reason? Thursday morning when I parked in front of the office I was gonna have my job interview in. I needed to hype myself up to feel confident so I spent a couple of minutes in the car pumping my chest and screaming and shit, lol

Have you ever gone to day camp or overnight sleepaway camp? No. My mom wouldn’t have allowed me as a kid.

When’s the last time you felt like a champ? It’s been a while. I haven��t exactly felt like I’ve been winning in anything.

Last time it was damp where you lived? This afternoon. It was really humid for a good few hours and then it ended up raining.

Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? My index finger whenever I’d try to use chopsticks; and my toes when I hiked in Sagada. The toe cramps were so bizarre I was actually laughing-crying the whole time the tour guide was treating me; my dad was taking photos of me too loooooool

Do you refer to your grandfather as “Gramps”? No. I call both of them Lolo, which is our local version of Grandpa.

Have you ever worn a headlamp before? No, I’ve never really had to.

Do you have a ramp anywhere in your house? I don’t think so, no.

Has anyone ever called you “scamp” before? No.

How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? There is one lamp, and it is currently turned on.

Do you stamp your feet when you are angry? It doesn’t tend to be a behavior of mine, no.

Last time you used a postage stamp? Not sure...grade school, probably? I never used those a lot.

Are there streetlamps on your street? What time do they turn on? Yep. I don’t keep track of their schedule but a safe guess would be either 6 or 6:30 PM.

Last place/area that you wanted to revamp? My room.

Do you know anyone who is a tramp? No.

Have you seen Lady and the Tramp before? Not the full movie but I’ve seen a lot of excerpts from watching Magic English as a kid.

Do you know anyone with a “tramp stamp”? I don’t think so.

AWK/AULK/ALK

Is the squawk of certain birds annoying? Which ones? I’ve never found any of them annoying, but maybe that’s also because there aren’t a lot of different birds flying around where I live.

Do you prefer hawks or falcons? And…why? I don’t have a preference; I’ve never encountered either.

Has anyone ever watched you like a hawk before? That sounds a little creepy and I wouldn’t want to know if anyone has.

What was the last thing you used caulk on? I’m almost positive I’ve never handled that, haha.

[a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

#survey #surveys

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