#cause his attachment to puppet is like—nothing

[just-a-tiny-goldfish]

I wonder how Marcos would feel about Orellia’s unhealthy attachment to a comatose body—actually I wonder how the rangers will react to sidestep and puppet in general

[starsofang]

CALL OF THE SEA / PART FIFTEEN

pirate poly!141 x f!reader tw: NSFW, MDNI, hallucainations/hearing voices??, inaccurate depictions of medicine, idk how ppl made medicines in 1800s but idc its fiction masterlist a/n: thank u for the love from the hurricane i went thru!! i'm okay and back in business, i love u guys <3 things are gonna get a lil spicyyy

When a group of unhinged pirates invade your small village, you're whisked away from your peaceful home and thrown on to a voyage out at sea. Forced to obtain a new role as their medic, you have no choice but to accept your fate as you join their forces and aid them in their treacherous travels.

“Dove,” a voice singsonged, a whisper in the wind that whisked away almost as soon as it appeared.

You halted in your steps, whipping your head around. Standing on the deck, you knew you were alone. You had just been on your way to collect your variety of herbs and powders to teach the Captain of medicine making, yet the sense of dread overtook you the moment you heard your name called out.

Looking out into the vast sea, there was nothing. A heavy mist clouded the air from the storm that was brewing mere lengths away, its arrival unknown. It clouded over the horizon, hiding away what lay beyond in the dull, gray atmosphere.

Yet, Graves had spoken yet again, as if he had sent his voice to travel miles upon miles just to get a rile out of you. It felt like a warning, letting you know he was still present, and very much still attached.

“The one who heals the ill and poor,” Graves echoed tauntingly, a dark chuckle rasping at the end of his words. “The one who has the 141 in knots. That’s you, isn’t it, dove?”

You couldn’t see him, and you weren’t sure whether that was ideal or not. You knew he wasn’t there physically, hell, you weren’t sure it was even really him talking. Your mind could be playing tricks on you.

The words of the prophecy were spoken with such mockery, the ones referring to your very role. The venom in his tone made you queasy. A cold chill dripped down your spine, causing the hairs on your neck to stand.

“Oh, this will be fun,” he cooed. “I’ll be seeing you.”

Stood frozen in place, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the horizon. It was gloomy, and you were beginning to mirror that feeling. You felt toyed with — like a puppet on a shelf, waiting to be used when Graves deemed you useful.

“What are ye doin’ down there, dove?” a voice called. “Looks like ye seen a ghost.”

The faint snickering had you tilting your head up in the direction it came from. Soap sat high up in the crow’s nest, peering down at you mischievously. His broad arms rested on the rim of the nest, leaning lazily.

“I am fine,” you scowled, quickly regaining your composure. Graves crept menacingly in the corners of your mind. “What are you doing up there?”

“She’s a crow’s nest for a reason. I’m watchin’ for the storm, seein’ if I can spot anythin’ out of the ordinary like I’m a bird, birdie” Soap explained with a grin, cocking his head. “What are ye doin’ down there?”

You frowned at him, unamused. “I plan on teaching the Captain how to make medicine,” you replied. “I’m just going to collect my things. It is wealthy to have knowledge in medicines, you know.”

Soap blew out a puff of air, waving his hand dismissively. “If I have any more knowledge up in this noggin’ of mine, it might explode.” He made a point of knocking his knuckles against his head.

“I do not believe there is much in there at all,” you sighed, unable to force a small smile away. Even in times of fear and uncertainty, you couldn’t deny the way Soap put you at ease.

“Ach, yer a bird that bites. What happened to bein’ a sweet bird?” he mumbled in feigned hurt, lips puckered into a pouted frown.

Your smile grew and you shook your head. “Where is Ghost?” you asked. Soap rubbed the back of his neck, fingers twirling into his messy mullet.

“That lad. Locked himself up again, he did. I think the weather’s makin’ him all moody. He helped me out for a bit before goin’ back, so I’m not sure what’s wrong,” he explained sympathetically. There was a hint of hurt at being shut out.

It made you recall the two of them. Embracing. Whispering amongst each other. Ghost, unmasked, leaning into his touch.

You tried your hardest to not let it shift your expression, even if it dug a little hole somewhere in your heart to be reminded of what you didn’t have.

“I see,” you hummed, playing off your tormenting thoughts and shoving them to the side with the rest. “I am… happy that he has someone like you.”

Soap’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He stared at you, confused, before smiling softly. “Ah, c’mon, dove. Ye got us, too.”

Not in the way your heart longed for. But that was a thought that attempted to fiddle with your mind and leave you stranded on an island of foreign feelings far, far away.

You weren’t sure what you desired, anyway.

“Right,” you agreed with a curt nod. “I’ll be going now. Please, do not fall while I’m gone — or do. I have not been able to aid anybody in quite a long time.”

Soap laughed, the sound rumbling you to the core. “Mean li’l bird,” he teased.

With a smile, you continued on to your quarters, shoving any strange ideas behind and focusing on the task at hand. Price was still waiting for you, after all.

Entering your shared space, you nearly cursed the world for putting Gaz in there. While you hadn’t quite avoided him like you wanted to, that was due to the others being around. Now, here alone, was different.

“Hello, Gaz,” you greeted stiffly, giving him a nod. You quickly retreated to your side of the room, which really was Soap’s clutter. You needed to organize it soon or you may lose your mind.

“Dove,” Gaz hummed from where he laid in bed, arms resting behind his head in a lazy position. His eyes followed you like a hawk as you rummaged through the bag taken from your village on your first night with the pirates.

The resources you’d been forced to bring so long ago were now going to be of use, which was something you wished to be excited for—yet, the elephant in the room was a downpour on your mood.

You felt ridiculous. It was not as if you were avoiding him in rejection—it was that it was not rejection that you were avoiding him.

Your heartstrings seemed to tighten and pull whenever he was near, and it made you feel crazy. It felt like you couldn’t catch a break, constantly toying with your own feelings.

What was this feeling of longing you so hopelessly seemed to feel differently with each of them? Was it still the craving for a sense of belonging?

“Is someone hurt?”

You glanced up from your bag, fingers pausing. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before realization took over and you shook your head. “No. I am teaching Price the ways of medicine.”

So much for avoiding him.

“Is that so?” he asked. You weren’t sure why his tone seemed so… off. As if there were a taste of bitterness to it.

You recalled the night you threw your food at him from the stuffiness of your cell below deck when he had done nothing but try and quench your hunger. He truly was not a fan of you, nor you him. While you were scared, he was protective of his kin.

Now, his tone was a grave reminder of how much time had passed, and how different things were.

You gave him another stiff nod, watching as he stood from the bed. Your heart pounded in your chest, banging against your rib cage with every step he took closer.

When he finally stopped, he was mere inches away, standing tall and proud over you. You focused your gaze on his chest, mapping the loosely tied strings that hung from the middle of his billowy shirt. You were overcome with spikes of awkward anxiety and unable to connect eyes with him.

Seeing this, he tilted his head down, cocked to the side in a mocking way. He forced your gaze to meet his from leaning down alone, and you held your breath at the sight of slight annoyance burrowed somewhere in his expression.

“Are you avoidin’ me?” he asked lowly.

You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat. Your hands grew clammy, and you couldn’t take them out of your bag to wipe them on your dress or else he’d know.

“No,” you stammered, frowning. “I am just— Price is waiting for me.”

Was he angry that you did not reciprocate a kiss? It was not your fault—you had never shared one.

“There is no playful banter. Nor even a gaze in the eye,” he commented.

“I am looking at you right now,” you defended weakly.

“What you’re doin’ is actin’ different,” he said slyly, mirroring your frown. “What, you hand me a gift, a beautiful one, and now that I have read the signs wrong, you wish to hide from me?”

“That—” You inhaled sharply. “That is not what is happening.”

“So, I have read them right, then.”

“I do not know what signs you are referring to.”

“Don’t be daft, dove.”

Your fingers tightened around a small jar in your bag, knuckles going white. You wanted to avoid the forced eye contact altogether, but now you could not look away. It was as if you were in a trance.

“It is improper to refer to a woman as daft,” you hissed in defense.

“You’re unlike any woman I’ve ever met,” Gaz mused, his head tilting once again.

This is what he wanted, and you were giving it to him. He wanted the banter, the jests, to see you grow irritated to tug a reaction from you, and unfortunately, it was working.

“You have never been kissed before?” he continued.

Your ears were beginning to ring. Your entire body felt hot to the touch, like a scorching fire burned through your veins and trickled its way up to your brain.

“That is inappropriate, Gaz,” you tried, though your defense was weak. He was right. He was always right, and you hated it. “I must return to Price. I—I cannot have this conversation.”

“You will have to avoid the whole sea if you believe I am the only one,” he stated calmly, growing soft now that his initial annoyance was wearing off. “Do not make me the one to suffer.”

You stared at him, mouth opened to speak but the words lost in translation. You felt like you were betraying yourself by choosing to avoid him out of mere uncertainty. You were only doing a disservice to yourself.

The words he spoke laid heavy on your mind, but you were unable to decipher the true meaning. Perhaps you were avoiding that, too.

The two of you said nothing, sitting in tense silence as you hurried to throw your bag over your shoulder. You didn’t want Price to slam open his door and search for you, believing you accidentally fell into the treacherous waters and sunk below the angry sea.

You shuffled to the door, hand hovering over the handle. You risked a weary glance over your shoulder, seeing Gaz standing and watching you with keen eyes, a glint of something unrecognizable in them.

You had nobody else to feel sorry for but yourself.

“I will not avoid you,” you muttered quietly. “I do not think I have the strength to do so, anyway. Not with you.”

You tugged open the door, excusing yourself.

The chill in the air was refreshing against your warm skin, cooling off the heat that radiated off of you like a furnace. As you returned to Price’s quarters, your mind was scrambled, overloaded with millions of thoughts that plagued you.

The wind rustled and blew, and you could only pray there wasn’t a familiar whisper hiding in its trail. It seemed as if the universe had plenty of tricks up its sleeve today, and it was dealing them all to you one by one.

When you looked up at the crow’s nest as you walked by, Soap remained. He gave you a smile when you passed, and it made the worry in your stomach simmer to a low boil.

“You took quite some time,” Price noted as you stepped inside. “Did you walk the plank along your way?”

You chuckled, shaking your head and shooing the bag off your shoulder. It fell to the desk with a small thud. “I ran into Soap,” you explained.

“I see.” Price smiled in acknowledgment. “Alright, dove. Let’s begin, hm?”

“You are not very good at this.”

You watched as Price attempted to grind a mix of herbs and powder in the bowl you lent him. Teaching him how to make a paste meant for burns proved fruitless, as he seemed to mess up the measurements when you weren’t looking.

“That’s why you’re the expert, dove,” he huffed in annoyance, laser focused on grinding the end of the wooden stick into the roundness of the bowl, mashing down the mixture. “I do not see how this will become a paste.”

“Did you mix in the drops of water like I told you?” you asked.

He glowered at the clear dropper you held up, which seemed just as full as when you first started. He snatched it up, squeezing a couple of drops into the failed paste for good measure, then continued mixing.

“Was I correct?” you teased, peering down into the bowl. You were pleased to see it mixing much more smoothly, almost like thick butter.

“Silence,” he grunted, shooting a weak glare your way. “I pray this medicine proves to be useful.”

“It is for burns to ease the flare up of the skin,” you explained, keeping an eye on the mixture. “I am sure it will come in handy.”

Price hummed, mashing the paste until he seemed satisfied. He shifted the bowl towards you, waiting for approval. The idea of it made you snort—a Captain, seeking approval from his ex-prisoner.

“It is not bad,” you praised, earning him a furrow of his eyebrows. “Much better after the water.”

He gave you a look, unamused, eyeing you as you shoveled the paste into an empty jar. You were happy to add it to the collection, though you wished you had the opportunity for a room for yourself to display them. Soap and Gaz’s room was feeling crowded.

“I am only teasing,” you said with a smile. “It’s almost as good as mine.”

Price snorted, smiling back. “Aye, I’m a Captain, not a medic. That’s your specialty,” he retorted.

“And will this medic ever get a room of her own? Or perhaps a place to work?”

He raised an eyebrow. You mirrored him. “Are the boys not fun to room with?”

Images of Gaz earlier flashed in your mind. You swallowed. “No, they are just fine. But I am a woman, after all. It is not… suitable.”

Price made a noise of acknowledgment, nodding slow. He seemed to be thinking, a hand brushing through his beard and stroking his bottom lip.

“That is… understandable. Forgive me, I have not had a woman on my ship until you. It slipped my mind that you roomin’ with those two may not be entirely appropriate,” he replied thoughtfully.

“You forced me to sleep with you on my first night out of the brig,” you reminded him.

Price paused his stroking, blinking at you. For a moment, you lost him, his mind running astray. You could only stare back patiently.

“Would you prefer to stay here, then?” he asked. “You may find much more peace in here than with them., or if you'd like, you may switch off between quarters.”

You felt your body tense up at the mere thought. You knew no matter who you stayed with, it would be a gamble. Each of them had your heart on lock in an unfamiliar way, and the thought of staying with Price again had your stomach twisting into knots.

Gaz popped up once again, and you wondered if that decision would solidify your act in avoiding him. A pang of guilt hit your chest.

“You would not mind?” you asked wearily.

Price shrugged. “I may prefer it, actually.”

Your expression morphed into confusion, eyebrows pulling together and lips curling into a frown. He’d prefer to spend nights with you, rather than allowing you to cram into a small bed with Soap in the late hours of the night?

You thought the Captain valued his privacy and solitude. Now that he was offering you to stay on his own rather than out of fear of you running off to islands unknown, it felt much more personal.

“You’d prefer it?”

“Yes,” he confirmed.

“Why?”

The Captain paused, narrowing his eyes at you. You were curious at to what he could be thinking about.

The door to his quarters opened, silencing your conversation rather quickly. The wind sounded much louder now without barriers between the inside and outside, and when you whipped your head to look at the doorway, Soap stood, drenched in water.

You were so focused on your time with Price and your craft, you hadn’t noticed the uneasy rockiness of the ship that seemed to grow with every second.

“The storm’s brewin’ real fast, Cap,” Soap breathed, lightly heaving. He must’ve climbed down the nest in a haste. “We need to get her steady. It’s comin’ down faster than we thought.”

The Captain stood quickly, giving him a nod. “Go collect Gaz and Ghost,” he ordered. Soap agreed, tossing the door closed and leaving you alone. “Dove, you’re stayin’ here.”

“I must be of help—”

“Here,” he repeated, tapping his finger on the desk. “That’s an order.”

You wanted to protest, but the look on his face was gloomy. You watched him leave his quarters and enter the battlefield of heavy rain that spilled over on to the deck.

Something in your heart tugged, but this time, not out of longing, or envy—it was worry. Sure, you faced many storms in your village, but never on a ship where one wrong move could send you right below the waves and have you never come back up again.

You felt helpless as you sat, thumbs twiddling mindlessly in your lap as you hoped and pray the ship would become steady enough for them to return to safety.

“Dove.”

The crashing sound of cracking thunder had you jolting in your seat. You did as the Captain ordered and stayed put, but you were becoming restless. The longer you stayed, the more your feeling of cold dread grew.

You knew where it was coming from. It was the very thing living inside your head, and you wondered if Ghost could hear it, too.

You couldn’t sit anymore. You got to your feet, quickly throwing open the door to a monsoon.

The ship swayed with the heavy, angry waves that crashed harshly against the sides of the ship. It made you lose balance, and you grabbed on to the doorway to steady.

Gaz and Soap stood under the rainfall, water soaking into their skin and clothes as they heaved the sails closed, holding the ropes to guaranteed they stayed.

Ghost was lifting heavy baggage that had yet to be stored away, thrown over his shoulder as he hurried to transport them to a dry part of the ship.

The Captain stood at the helm, his hair flat against his forehead and dripping water all the way down to his beard. He was mastering the steering of the ship, barking orders at Soap and Gaz while the two attempted to keep the sails at bay.

“Isn’t this fun, dove?” Graves whispered. You wished you could claw out your own eardrums.

You knew he was near. Before, you couldn’t feel his presence—now, it felt stronger than ever.

You frantically looked around, hoping to spot him somewhere out at sea, but the rain was too heavy. The sky had been darkening, giving off an ominous hue covered by storm clouds. You wouldn’t be able to see him from below.

Your eyes landed on the crow’s nest, the net of rope leading up to it swaying in the crazy wind. Soap had been up there mere hours ago, watching the storm and charting its location.

Without a moment of hesitation, you sprinted in the cold rain, heading towards your destination.

“Dove?” Soap called out in confusion, before recognizing you. “Dove! What are ye doin’?”

You began your ascent, just as Gaz had joined in calling for you. With them unable to leave the ropes of the sails behind, they couldn’t chase after you, stopping you from your foolish moment of cleverness.

“What the hell is she doin’ out?” Price growled, his firm voice quieter in the winds chasing it away.

The rope creaked as you planted your feet in the gaps, climbing your way up to the nest. The higher up you got, the more the breeze increased its abuse, whipping along your face in a serious of angry smacks.

The pirate’s voices grew farther away as you approached the crow’s nest. Their tones were ones of concern, fear, and worry as you scrambled your way on to the rugged, old wood platform, hauling yourself up.

You needed to know if your thoughts were true—if Graves truly was here, or if it was another one of his tricks.

You stood on the crow’s nest, holding yourself steady with a firm grip of the sides. You looked out into the void, scanning for anything, any sign—and there it was.

A ship, not too far off in the distance, swaying with the waves with its front nose pointed in the direction of your ship. A large sail flapped in the wind, and it was so misty you nearly couldn’t see it until a familiar white outline of a skull appeared, waving as if saying hello.

Graves was setting sail right towards the ship, and he had every intention of riding out the storm until he reached you.

[noodle-is-unstable]

The JJK Characters favorite toys

(Head Cannons)

Ft ~ Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, Toji Fushiguro, Ryoumen Sukuna, Choso, Takuma Ino, Shiu Kong, Uraume, Yuki Tsukumo, Shoko Ieiri, Mahito Synopsis ~ What the JJK Characters favorite sex toys are Content Warning ~ 18+, sex toys, idk bruh 18+ things

Gojo ~

Prostate Massager

Gojo is a sucker for pleasure and seeks out the most he can. Loves being overstimulated, and what's a better way than having his prostate bullied while being buried in you. He'll be crying, drooling and babbling nonsense by the time you're both done

Geto ~

Spreader Bar

Geto enjoys bullying you in the name of pleasure. Keeping your legs spread wide so he can do whatever he wants between them is just all too fun. Will also push the bar behind your head so you're on full display and there isn't anything you can do about it

Nanami ~

Vibrator

Nanami is a sucker for your pleasure. He could get off hands free from watching you enjoy yourself under his touch. Anything that can give you more pleasure drives him wild but seeing you squirm under a full blast vibrator while he fucks you is like nothing else

Toji ~

Nipple Clamps

Toji loves some pain with pleasure play. Even better he'll attach one end to your nipple and the other end to his, a chain connecting you both as you fuck. He loves to see how hard he can pull between the both of you before it snaps off. Whoever lost the clamp has to go on top

Sukuna ~

Rope

Sukuna is a slut for Shibari. He loves how the intricate rope designs frame your body and will even let you tie him up with it as long as he isn't restrained. He finds Shibari to be a calming art that also drives him wild. He will pull the rope to control you like a puppet

Choso ~

Sounding Rod

Choso is a sucker for pain meets pleasure. Putting in a sounding rod deep enough to stimulate his prostate will have him crying in pleasure. Watching you stretch out his cock hole will have his tongue hanging out and pleasure filled tears spilling

Ino ~

Cock Cage

Ino loves cock torture when its in your hands. An all too tight cage containing his cock while you hold the key. Won't even beg you to unlock it, he'll just press it against you so you can feel his cum drooling out

Shiu ~

Cock Ring

Shiu loves the extra sensation a cock ring gives. The almost painful way it makes his veins pop and makes him impossibly harder. The sensation of blood being trapped in his cock with have his eyes rolling back upon entry

Uraume ~

Electrostimulator

Uraume loves foreplay toys like electrostimulation (electric current). Watching the electricity dance from the rod to their body gives them goosebumps. Their favorite though is when you run the current through your hand then use your fingertips to leave a trail of electricity through them

Yuki ~

Strap On

Yuki won't even go on vacation without one. Her collection is so vast there is every size, shape and creature available. Every day will be a different dildo but it'll always be strapped to her

Shoko ~

Sex Swing

Shoko enjoys the free, floating feeling of a sex swing. Whether its her being rocked on it or you, it doesn't matter. She just adores the different positions and free floating feeling it gives

Mahito ~

X Cross

Mahito wants to be restrained and used. An X cross is his dream. Spread completely out and unable to move while being totally exposed? Sign him up. Lock him down. Use him like the toy he wants to be

No real Kink just a Lube Safety reminder. Though silicone lube is most common it should be used with caution. Silicone lube is long lasting, and great for use in wet places like the shower or bath but it has its cons. Silicone lube is dangerous for vaginal use and can cause bacterial build up. It can also damage silicone toys and may not be suitable with all condoms. It may also stain clothing or sheets. It should also not be consumed orally. Water based lube is a fantastic option but doesn't last as long and may need multiple applications. It is easy to clean up, safe to use with toys and condoms, and comes in more flavors and texture/feel options. Some water based lubes can contain glycerin which may cause yeast infections in some. Always read the label carefully Choose the right lube for each situation and always use caution before just picking the first lube you see.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Luka analysis/ramble below

Contains Round 7/Final spoilers

Ya know, Luka must be such an incredibly hollowed out man with enough trauma to incapacitate a different human. Like seriously, he's the perfect representation for anyone stuck under the obsessive spiral of perfectionism and repression.

He's in his early thirties, and his only attainable achievements are being covetable human flesh and doing so well at music that any potential friends or colleagues he could have will die in front of him if he takes the time to do the only thing he's allowed to focus on—sing. The girl he loves and could never talk with like a "normal kid" (but it didn't matter then because she accepted him as he was) has traumatic flashbacks just seeing him. The knowledge that her existence is so highly illegal that any achievements he has made will mean nothing if he is seen loving her... That's heavy. And that's partially on the assumption he's seen the news as it's hard to miss. (It's hard to tell with his expressions.) The moment he sees Hyuna in Round 7, the facade and mimicry is gone. All that's left is the hollow and lonely man.

How many times has he seen people he may have liked, disliked, been curious about, hated, shared memories with- how many have died or been beaten before his eyes? How many times has he supressed the screams inside of him because he's not allowed to. He's a puppet off of the stage, strictly controlled and having his fate already decided for him as long as he can probably remember.

"His eyes are lifeless." "He's so cruel." "He's just manipulative." Tell me you can't get a clue without telling me you can't get a clue. There are so many things wrong with this man, and you're going to obsess over the fact that a victim still stuck in abuse has done "inhumane" things on a planet and in a universe surrounded by creatures that teach that inhumanity is the most normal response to have to human emotions. Do you even know how the brain works when stuck in a situation where you're constantly just surviving? I'll tell you because I have firsthand knowledge. You do anything to stay alive. Anything. If brainwashed, you will hurt people you love if you think it will save them/keep them safe. And when it's all said and done, you then further crawl into the shell of yourself with hope that the emotional/mental bombs don't put enough shrapnel into your fragile, hiding self to ensure you really don't wake up this time. Because then hurting the other person would have been for nothing. Because then you'll have failed the one goal you have—survival. Trauma changes how a human brain is shaped and formed. (It's a scientific fact; go look it up if you think I'm pulling your leg.) I wonder if that, on top of the insinuated neurodivergence, is enough to make the already born outcast and alien-proclaimed prince (meaning: he's above the other humans AND nobody can touch him on his throne that only get higher each new death near him) be considered "surviving" instead of the "thriving" people seem to think of him as doing. I wonder how much he'll have to go through before he's "traumatized enough" or "injured enough" for the fandom to have a crumb of empathy (or even sympathy) for him.

Even if you have dulled feelings or no specific attachments to others—being the indirect cause of so many deaths, watching blood splatter the stage in a competition so fierce that the surviving participant(s?) develop medical problems overtime, knowing this is your very bread and water and shelter but the ones watching and clicking buttons to ensure your survival see this as an event for pure entertainment and no true depth, having to live with no attachments because either you'll never see the person again or you'll never see the person again—this fucks up a person. Isolation is the reason people take the fast way out of this world. Isolation is the reason why people go mad. Isolation makes you beg the very air surrounding your existence to end you. Yet simultaneously, you want to live so bad, and you just can't understand why humans are like this because all of you should want to be dead by now, even if the voices around you speak of how you're the greatest and most privileged.

The first time around must have been terrifying. How did Luka feel winning something like that, achieving all the praise and great treatment as his body and mouth metaphorically dripped with still-warm blood? Did he feel like he fought and died a million times over? Was he cursing or tiredly resigned because winning means he has to do it all over again if your master wishes and his master is greedy? Was he thinking of Hyuna-A? Was the win so hollow and full of traumatic moments that he tucked it down once more because even for someone detached and bullied by his peers the entire ordeal had been too much? Was he rationalizing it? Did he feel like a sick bastard for his hunger for control on stage? I wonder how much he disassociates off-screen. I wonder if he ever stopped his habit of putting his mouth on things for sensory stimulation or if he just hides it behind closed doors to be publically presentable. I wonder if he's ever acted out, gotten punished severely, and never acted out again. When did Hyun-A escape? How much did he know about it? The only love he's been taught is the faux love between owner and owned. He's obsessed with control because he has no control over his life and the stage is the only place he gets it. Is it really so shocking that he declared Hyun-A as "his" in the past and wishes she'd let herself be owned by him? This entire thing is so fucked up, and I still don't know enough about this man to be satisfied.

Luka has been stuck in this loop of being a product that exists for public consumption for at least ten years, so please excuse him if he's tired and working on instincts to live and desire for control turned to lifeless (yet pretending to be full of it) and brokenly presenting art of which he knows/thinks the muse of will never see.

[nynyhaha]

Machi and Shizuku — How to treat human remains

Both of the beautiful Spider members cause death with their abilities,increasing the number of corpses.But what do they do with them afterwards?

Despite being in the same organisation and doing crimes together their approach to corpses is very different.

I’d even call them polar opposites.

Machi is known for killing and healing people with her threads,but what matters here is her skill on restoring dead people to look better.

It’s made clear that she came to master nen Threads in that exact context.Kinda tragic,actually. We don’t see her trying to restore anyone to their original beauty so it’s unknown to what extent she knows Renkos craft,but since she wanted to learn it we can assume she knows quite a lot about it.

A personal headcanon of mine is that she took it upon herself to arrange the flowers for Paku’s “grave”

Look how sad it is :((

Meanwhile Shizuku,well…cleans up.

Being sucked into a vacuum like dust just to disappear in its void seems like a bad way for your body to end.I mean,what is a corpse really worth?

Is it not a puppet?🖊📖🕷

But if corpses were just puppets there wouldn’t be people like Machi and Renko.

If Machi had no emotions towards Hisokas corpse she’d just dispose of it or call Shizuku.But she fixed it up.

Because people care about the dead,their bodies and their wishes.

Treating corpses as humans allows one to spend a bit more time with them,to keep them alive a bit longer in their mind.

The importance of human remains being buried properly is also why Kurapika is so relentlessly searching for the eyes of his kin.

It’s why we can judge Chrollo’s moral state by his treatment of corpses and see that there’s clearly something seriously wrong with the way he sees people.Which isn’t just a Chrollo issue(Check out my Neon Nostrade post)but a broader problem in the HxH world.

Machi and Chrollo started out in the same place.

Horrified at how their friend has been dehumanised along with other kids of Meteor City,they vowed to take revenge and reverse this trend.Now they themselves kill people without batting an eye.

What started out as “we are humans so see us as such,even in death we have dignity”

turned into “human corpses are just like puppets and we can use them in any way that fits us.”

Surely,Pakunodas body and even Hisokas are very different than those of dead mafia men.That’s just how it is with close people.

So..what is it? a) human remains are to be respected

b)corpses are just empty shells,they’re inanimate objects so they don’t matter

c)corpses might have meaning and personhood attached to them but we will only honour that with those we care about/those who deserve it

It must be a mix of b and c by now.Hypocrisy is a big theme of HxH.But in the general view of the Spiders, Machi included,human lives rarely matter and their dead remains are even less important.

Young Machi might’ve been horrified by Shizukus ability,I mean,imagine Sarasa’s kidnappers “cleaning up” her body in such a manner.

But now Shizuku and Blinky are very useful to the troupe and everyone appreciates them.

Shizuku is a troupe member that’s rather unsettling to me because of her innocence and young age(19).She’s calm and we don’t see cruelty or bloodthirst in her.Even out of the women in the troupe she seems the least threatening.Yet her ability is very bleak and shows acceptance and indifference when it comes to horrible things.

She takes Chrollo’s orders seriously even if that means letting him die.She’s one of the people that appear normal and could live a normal life. Or so it seems.We know nothing about her past but she must’ve had a reason to join the troupe.She no less passionate about it than Machi.

Oh,if only we knew how and why she developed her ability!

I don’t think that would be a happy story tho,haha.She even reminds me of Chrollo a bit,that mix of apathy and pleasant calm demeanour just has something to it.

Machi seems to have a bit more “rage/fire” in her.She’s closer to seeing corpses as people even now.But despite the differences,the Spiders get along.

So it really depends if your corpse will be patched up by Machi or deleted by Shizuku.

[umi-adxhira]

platonic!agriche family with child!reader brainrot

ngl we all know that lante agriche would straight up murder child!reader's parents right in front of them to make them their child officially but i know for sure that maria would one hundred percent use child!reader's corpses as their puppets and of course, child!reader would have no choice but to run to sierra after being traumatized for 9117384th time oh well this is just the ✨️ agriche love ✨️ in this household nothing to worry about folks totally normal

the siblings tho 👀 that's a different story

TWTPTFLOB WITH AN ADOPTED CHILD READER

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Since you said "parents" I'm gonna assume reader isn't Lante's child soooo

You were the product of a very loving marriage, your parents adored you and your servants and friends liked to be around you

So what did Lante do? Kill your parents :D

No one knows why he killed them, they have no connections to the head of the Agriche, but gossip across the Manor spread like wildfire; your mother was said to be married to Lante but your father whisked her away, infidelity, you were actually Lante's kid and more

You were pretty traumatised seeing your parents' lifeless heads rolling on the floor, before Lante ordered a tall man similar in looks to him and abduct you

You didn't come out of your room for weeks, Lante came by once to officially change your last name to Agriche

Sierra being the only normal one here was tasked of looking after you. She didn't let you out for your own safety (Maria) and kept an eye on you for a while

That was until when Sierra was taken away for some business, Maria came by your room to show you some dolls (your parents) and was confused on why you were screaming

Which lead to you shaking and crying while being held by Sierra with your door locked with a key only Sierra and Lante had

Roxanna wanted to see you: you weren't shown in the og novel so perhaps you could help her (she got attached)

She was over often, which led to Jeremy being over often to yell at you for taking away his sisters attention (he also got attached to you)

Dion bought a small teddy bear which you sleep with every night and you ask him to read you stories cause idk he seems like that guy to have a deep and soothing voice if he tries (he also got attached)

You thought about running away, but the lock on your room and your limited access to the outside (none) made it impossible to escape

But your new siblings are here for you :D forever

[artsygirl0315]

NIGHT-DAY TERROR AU (SECTOR PHP) !!

(Slight gore and horror is mentioned, You have been warned)

Sector PHP(?)

Finally decided on making some Monsterous Sector PHP sheets for the Night-Day Terror AU made by the lovely @kandykatz💙

Info:

Sector PHP, A well-known undercover sector who is the main resourse supply for the KND. They're strong-willed, dedicated and determined.

But... Something changed..

In one moment, they were seen evacuating the area after the incident with a 'certain operative' and the next, they are seen roaming around the neighborhood in such nightmare-ish forms.

The ones who stayed below their treehouse can be seen either destroying property or hunting down whatever they see that moves or even breathes.

The Foreseer, stays in their treehouse but he doesn't miss anything that goes on with his sector. He sees everything, he knows what goes on with what they do but not all the time. Sometimes he'll lose sight of something and get distracted, sometimes he'll blink and miss one of his operative's vision.

Nonetheless, he's their mastermind. He's to follow, he's to obey and rest assured, he's here to seek.

The Strong Bull, the poor soul, his legs ceased to move and are completely numb to the bone. Although, this doesn't stop him as his large fists can punch through the ground with loud thuds and he can move by such.

His enormous size is very intimidating that when he charges, you can bet that it's the last thing you'll ever see. He's fast despite his size, yet he's strong and he's unstable.

The Jester, His laugh is the last thing that can be known as contagious. A creepy smile plastered on his face as his body fails human anatomy all together, his hands replaced as these 'puppets' of his.

He's incredibly durable and extremely energetic, his lively nature is nothing but a bad cause. He doesn't spread cheer nor laughter, rather pain and screams. But he can't help it if one keeps getting bitten by his puppets.

The Hungry Ghoul, if you ever saw a detached lower body running straight towards you then best assume she's flying right above you and she has an insatiable appetite.

Her upper body roams the sky for prey and sometimes she'll chase after them if her incredibly fast legs can catch up, although, one of her weak points are her vision.

The only way you can slow her down is if you can even manage to attach her body again.

That's near to impossible, really.

The Weeping Siren, Much like only a few operatives, this one is very docile to who she fails to see as a complete threat. If you are someone she can recognize or seen as very vulnerable then she will fake ignorance and walk away, this is because she knew her leader was watching.

Her voice can be used to lure prey so be very careful, she can move by twirling using her sharp legs as a ballerina would, this feigns innocence.

She's completely unstable, she knows that, and so she weeps her sorrows away knowing she can't completely help people.

(Ahh, so glad I got to finish this despite it looking very rushed. I wanted to add my dumdums in these just because I wanted to practice horror in their au. Nght-Day Terror AU belongs to my awesome moot @kandykatz !!!)

[awkward-tension-art]

Puppet on a String Chp.1 (Fives x Reader)

As promised! Fives x reader! This one is gonna be more angst, so heads-up. This takes place pretty much directly after Darkness on Umbara, anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Chapter 10. Chapter 11. Epilogue

Mesh'la

CW: Fives x Reader, Reader is a medical practitioner, mentions of Umbara Arc, mentions of Pong Krell, Crying, Grief, details of severe injuries, Fives crying is his own warning, Hospital setting, medical talk, angst, swearing, brief interaction of 501st doctor

Minors DNI!

I found an anomaly.

That was the holo-message your friend and colleague sent you with no context. The network of medical personnel in the GAR would often get vague messages from the 501st field surgeon. At this point, you were used to that medic sending incomprehensible half sentences and unexplained data. 

Nonsense was standard with the 501st soldiers. Their doctor was no different.

You’d know. You were in a relationship with an ARC trooper that originated in the 501st. 

Oh Fives…

His own messages were concerning. Apparently Umbara was a disaster. One of the Jedi Generals had turned out to be a traitor, killing so many of the 501st they lost one third of their numbers.

You weren’t in the army, so you didn’t work with the Jedi very much. You were a medical practitioner assisting a neurologist in the Grand Republic Medical Facility. Since the war began you tried to shift your focus to tend to wounded military personnel, but your time was limited due to your other obligation. 

You were on the Ethics Committee that often bounced between Kamino and Coruscant. It was established shortly after the war began, and the clones became known to the Jedi. General Shaak Ti had established the committee, hand selecting doctors, nurses and scientists to make sure clone testing was safe and ethical.

Your supervisor was chosen and she had opted for you to represent her. Something you thanked her for some days, and hated her for other days.

Your thoughts were interrupted, the 501st doctor sent another message. This one was the context you were looking for. 

Used Umbaran scanner. Found something strange in every clone's brain.

What?

How could an Umbaran scanner find something nothing at the GRMF had seen before? 

Attached to the message were scans. Images of clone heads, giving an internal view of the neural activity. You had to admit, that scanner was thorough. You could see the different levels of neurotransmitters. Levels of sleep. Levels of stress. Even going so far to tell neuro-response time.

It was fascinating. Despite being clones, all of them had different reads. They were all unique, with their own different personalities and individuality. 

One of the scans, Hardcase, had an overactive prefrontal cortex. Must be a hyperactive clone.

Another one, Jesse, had activation in the midbrain and nucleus accumbens. He must have been focusing on something when the scan was taken.

Curiously, one scan, Dogma, had readings of heightened anxiety.

However, despite these differences, there was one repeating feature. 

ANOMALY: right orbital floor, parietal and temporal intersection

It looked like a tumor of some type. Or a lesion. Was it a clone thing?

There was a scan of Fives and you checked his status. He too had that unknown abnormality. 

Questions ran through your mind. What was this? Was this benign? Did this have the potential to cause problems later? Was this tied to the clones' genetic data?

You continued to stare at the holo-message and scans. Another one popped up, this one from the director of the medical facility, followed by an announcement.

Code Green. External Triage. 501st. 212th. 7th Sky.

That's…a lot more than normal. Those were the battalions returning from Umbara. Taking that planet must’ve been chaotic, more so than what Fives had told you. 

You drank the last of your caf and stood from your desk. 

You had work to do.

Your steps through the metal, sterile halls were quick as you met several of your fellow doctors on the landing pad. Already ships were dropping off the injured that survived Umbara.

“Fly solo.” Your supervisor nodded as she handed you a datapad with patient information. Without another word, she rushed out to the ships as they unloaded patients.

With a breath, you focused. 

Designation: CT-9821 “Rusty”

Assignment: 501st Legion

Information: Scans indicated broken ribs and full body burns.

You typed quickly, getting Rusty handled as swiftly as you could. Luckily, the GRMF had a system in place. Once you typed a command, the medical droids would follow through with the treatment.

Treatment: Stabilize ribs, treat burns with bacta tank. Will reassess after 12 hours.

You looked up, seeing the 501st field surgeon on top of another soldier being carried on a stretcher. Their hands were on the trooper's chest, bleeding profusely. The doctor looked at you, “He ripped out his own sutures!” 

“On it!” You nodded, getting to the hover stretcher and leading them inside and to a trauma room to properly suture, disinfect and deal with the wound. You needed to get the bleeding under control, that was priority. Once you began, you looked to the 501st doctor again, “You did your job and you did it well. Wash your hands and get some caf.”

The purpose of the medics and field surgeons in the army was to keep the men alive until they could get more surgical and intensive care such as on their venator ship. But with high numbers after every battle, especially now, those medical bays could only do so much. 

Which is when you and the medical facility would be the final destination. The priority was to save the lives that managed to hold on that long with such limited care. From there, once they were under proper life saving measures, everyone else would be cared for with better medical supplies. Wounds treated on the field would be double checked, infections would be treated, and bandages would be changed.

The doctor shook their head, heading back out to help their men. Someone else in the GRMF would grab them and force them to sit down. As you didn’t miss their bandaged and braced arm.

Damn workaholic, you thought, though, truthfully, you’d probably be the same if you were in their shoes. You might even be worse off, since you didn’t have the mental strength to be on the field like them.

No, you always struggled if you lost a patient. Having someone die under your care always left a permanent scar.

Once the clone was under the effects of painkillers and sedatives, you gave the suture work to one of the medical droids. You had other patients, and frankly, the droids could be more precise in their stitches.

You got back out, and checked another soldier.

Designation: ARF-5798 “Ink”

Assignment: 501st Legion

Information: Burst fracture of T7 through T11, broken left femur, shattered right ilium

By all the gods in the galaxy, what the hell happened on Umbara?!

Treatment: Intensive care ASAP, immediate surgery to correct spinal cord, pain management, will assess nerve damage when stabilized

With 3 battalions, all injured to some degree, the medical facility was on the verge of being overwhelmed.

Your focus went razor sharp. All you knew now were the injured who needed help. You weren’t a soldier but this was your battlefield.

It was hours later when the hospital gave the announcement.

Code Clear. Resume normal duties.

The medical facility gave a heavy sigh in relief. You looked at the datapad in your hands as you walked through the hall, so far, none of the records have been updated with deaths. Either everyone critical managed to pull through, or no one had filled in the data yet…

You hoped for the former. 

“Mesh’la…” You whirled around at the sound of a trembling voice, nearly dropping your datapad. 

Fives was standing in the hallway, helmet off and looking so…so broken. 

He had always been an emotional trooper, and he didn’t hide it. Something you adored about him. And right now, he was on the verge of a breakdown. 

You looked around quickly before getting to his side and grabbing his hand. Wordlessly, you took him into one of the medical facility supply rooms and locked the door. 

“Oh Fives…” you held his face in your hands, looking into his tear filled eyes, “It’s alright now, Fives…” 

He shook his head, letting his tears fall, “so many of us…gone…” 

Immediately you wrapped your arms around him, shushing him softly. 

Fives’ armored hands gripped the back of your lab coat tightly as he sobbed. You shifted, resting his head against your shoulder to let him cry out his emotions. You swayed slightly in hopes to calm him. Your lover was in a fragile state, and he needed someone to help him out of it….

“Fives…” You murmured his name softly, “You’re safe now, ok?”

“N-no…Hardcase…My plan had-” He choked out, falling into more weeping. Your lover was incomprehensible. 

Hardcase…a trooper most likely. A friend that he hasn’t mentioned?

“Fives…?” 

“He nearly executed me!” He jerked back, holding your arms. His tan cheeks were marked with heavy tears, and his eyes were bloodshot, “Krell betrayed us and he was the one who ordered me and Jesse to be executed!”

The horror was clear on your face, “Fives…” You held his face again, using his thumbs to wipe away his tears, “What happened on Umbara? Talk to me, breathe and talk to me…”  He stared at you and, through his tears, told you everything.

[iyamaggies-blog]

Paralysis

Some Sasori smut yall! I still haven’t finished shippuden but I’m much closer! I started writing this when I first started shippuden and just finished it now so sorry if it starts off stronger than it ends 😅

“You look pathetic.” Sasori sneered as he looked down at the woman before him. Your eyes met his, shimmering with defiance and unkept anticipation despite your vulnerable position. Kneeling on the floor in front of him you wear nothing but his akatsuki cloak open to reveal your naked front to him. “It’s beautiful.” He murmurs opening up the chamber on his abdomen and allowing the thick cable cord and stinger to slither out

“You think I’m beauti-ful?” You taunt, voice catching at the sensation of his cool metal stinger dragging against your wet cunt followed by thick taut cable.

“I think you’re mouthy.” He retorts as he continues to drag the thick cord between your sensitive folds. The cord begins coiling around your body applying firm pressure while coiling up your torso, trapping your arms, and inching up to gently constrict your neck until that impressive venomous stinger lingers outside your lips expectantly.

“Open” he commands. You hesitate, keeping your lips closed and attempting to tilt your head away slightly only to feel the pressure around your neck and torso tighten. Like prey caught by a deadly constrictor. “You don’t want to keep me waiting.” He reminds you. Sasori was infamous for his impatience…… You open your mouth and that formidable stinger pushes past your lips to press down on your tounge. Your panicked eyes dart up to his when sour liquid pours out of its tip, overflowing your mouth and dripping down your chin. “It won’t kill you.” He clarifies.

“Although this is exactly how I’d pose your

puppet. Capturing your filthy desperation forever.” He smirks. You begin to grind down on the coil between your legs desperately seeking frictions until he suddenly retracts his cord completely. The shock of the sudden loss has you tumbling on to your back, body suddenly feeling heavy. “Sasori…what’s..?” You attempt to question, but your words are clumsy and slurred.

“A special poison I made just for occasions like this. I don’t want your squirming to interfere with my work.” Smirking he kicks your legs further open and peers down from directly above you. He wastes little time attaching sturdy strings of chakra to your arms puppeteering your hands slowly down your chest to pull and tug at your own nipples. The progressively rougher attention causes you to gasp and pant. “Hush.” He manipulates a hand back to your face shoving your own fingers in your mouth to silence you while your other slides down your body to your pussy “let’s have a look at you.” He mumurs. His expert puppeteering has you spreading the lips of your sex, legs wide and knees bent, fully displaying yourself for him. The position is vulnerable and humiliating in a way that makes your whole body spark with arousal. His stare is lidded and unwavering while he towers over you in a heavy but comfortable silence. Laying there unable to move your limbs you bask in his undived attention. Sasori always had a way of making you feel special. Particular, picky and precise he is quick to change or adjust any preceived defects or flaws, but right now in this drawn out moment he stands there unmoving looking at you in pure adoration. A small

smile tugs his features before he briefly abandons you. Stepping over you and out of your range of vision. You can hear rustling at his workbench before his footsteps

return. Chakra strings removed, but unable to fight off the poison’s paralysis, your body remains frozen just how he left you. He now stands at your shoulders, directly above you. Gaze towards the ceiling you make eye contact with the lenses of a camera as he begins snapping photos. After one or two clicks of the camera he walks back around to stand between your thighs. A couple more photos before he kneels down and begins adjusting you. He pulls your now drool soaked fingers out of your mouth, a trail of spit follows coating the outside of your mouth as he lays your hand gently beside your head. he snaps another photo, a portrait of your face, before gently wiping your lips clean with his fingers. He leans in and gives you a chaste kiss but remains hovering above you while his fingers gently caress your jaw line. The two of you stay like that for a moment, his mouth inches from yours when he whispers “You’re so beautiful like this…”

He pulls away to shift his attentions downwards. Sitting between your thighs he gently sets the camera down. Pulling a small bottle of lube from his pocket he generously pours the contents over your spread cunt. Not that you need it with how drenched you feel. You hiss at how cold it feels against your flushed skin.

His fingers spread the lube around the outside of your cunt before pushing the tips of his two fingers just past your entrance. He slides his fingers in and out of you just up to his second knuckle, the pleasure

Is instant and electrifying but you want more you need more! Your body still feels heavy but you manage the slightest buck of your hips making him chuckle. He continues his teasing ministrations as he speaks. “Desperate thing aren’t you? Your body stricken with paralysis but you still find the strength to beg for my touch.” He plunges his fingers deep inside of you in slow calculated thrusts his other hand lays on top yours as you keep yourself spread and he uses his thumb to play with your clit. You cry out at the onslaught of pleasure but his eyes stay glued to his work. His thumb draws quick tight circles over you clit while each purposeful stroke of his fingers brushes against that sweet spot inside of you. All you can do is lay there and mewl while Sasoris expert fingers push you closer and closer to ecstasy. Sasori was generous with your pleasure. As a man who valued efficiency he reveled in how quickly and thoroughly he could break you. You cry loudly as your orgasm hits you. Sasori doesn’t give you a moment before he’s moving you again, knocking your hand away from your spread sex and sliding your one leg onto his shoulder as he leans forward to hover over you. Both of your arms lay limp beside your head as you gasp and whimper from the excitement. “Be quiet your disturbing my work!” He barks at you with a harsh smack to your thigh.

You hear a wet squelch when his fingers reenter you. His pace is much faster this time. Truly bullying you onto the edge of another fast approaching release.

You wail and squirm around his fingers when your pleasure finally peaks. Your movement weak and subdued as you soak his hand. He repositions you much gentler this time turning you to lay face down on the ground and lifting your lower half to stand propped on your knees. He tosses the end of the cloak over your hips to keep you exposed and lingers behind you for just a moment. Softly stroking your skin he gently spreads your ass cheeks apart to examine the mess he’s made of you before standing. It’s hard to see what he’s doing with the way your face is pressed against the floor but then you hear the familiar sound of his camera

Click

“Moments like this will be different when I finally get to turn you. Your puppet body won’t be as sensitive. But we can always look back at these together”

Click

“the perfect image of this intament moment forever.”

Click

“Everlasting beauty.”

[random-things-of-mine]

𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 

Swarm Wally x GN Reader

Warning: Angst

- - - - -

Y/n was climbing down a tree, their foot slipped off a branch making them tumble down. The only positive was that they wheren't that high up.

The fall was rough but nothing was broken.

Right??

"Did I seriously sprain my ankle, ughhh-"

They groaned, rubbing the sore spot. Now it would be longer before they got back home. Speaking of that they really needed to hurry as it was getting late.

Everyone warned them not to enter these woods.

And yet Y/n did, being a defiant lill shit that liked breaking the rules.

"And I'm lost... why am I like this?" 

Y/n stared at the trees, everything looked the same. They leaned against one the identical things, trying to think of a new tactic to get back to the main path.

A butterfly appeared landing on their nose.

Oh.

OH.

It was a pretty one. 

The butterfly was a dark red color, the top part of it's wings looked like it contained eyes but it was just the pattern giving that illusion.

"Are you my new friend?" They asked the lill creature in a silly voice.

"They could be your friend, they seem to like you."

Y/n turned their neck around, a bit to quickly causing neck pain and the butterfly to flutter away. It didn't stray far, it flew towards the stranger that startled them.

They where to focused rubbing their own neck, trying to ease the pain away from moving so fast to notice he stepped closer.

"You can refer to me as Swarm." He spoke up, his eyes locked on them with a odd fixation.

Suddenly there where more butterflies, surrounding the two people. Some attached themselves to the puppet and human and others just kept on flying in a swarm of their own.

"They seem to like you.”

"Damn there are a lot... like A LOT."

It's a bit intimidating how many there are.

Swarm seemed to be communicating with all the flying insects, they where fluttering happily around his head.

Y/n saw the red butterfly from earlier approach them again, it seemed to want something from them.

It allowed you to pet it, buzzing in delight once you did so.

"Yes, I... we've decided. We like you to come with us. Our home." He spoke up again.

"My mama taught me not to go with strangers to their houses or vans."

Y/n bluntly stated, at this point they didn't get a good vibe from this forest... or him. Even if it sounded rude. Swarm smiled at them, it wasn't a very nice or comforting one. He stared at them eerily, it felt predatory almost.

"I think I should take my leave..."

"Hmm you see I have a thing for collecting precious things, I'd like to add you to my collection."

…

AHEM WHAT??

"I KINDLY refuse."

Alright time to make a run for it... with your sprained ankle and non athletic build.

Y/n didn't even manage to run a few meters as the swarm of butterflies started to flock around them. 

All out to get them, they attached themselves to their clothes, hair, skin. They where in clear distress as butterflies crawled into and onto their mouth, nose and ears.

They never had a fear of insects but this was making them violently trash around on the ground in a desperate attempt to get them off.

"Don't be like that my precious, it would be better if you came willingly." He said, seemingly not bothered by the scene, worse even he looked amused.

"Get them off me! Get them off!" They panicked, every time they swatted away one of the tiny attackers two others took it's place.

They where everywhere!

Y/n couldn't breath as they had crawled into their mouth, they attempted to spit them out but it didn't work. 

So they bit down on the butterflies, it left a bitter taste in their mouth.

"Don't be like that, my lovelies only want to be as close as possible to you, won't you let them?"

Swarm looked almost... disappointed that they where resisting so much, hurting his butterflies, which was hurting him as well.

Y/n couldn't focus on his words or expression as they felt one of the butterflies crawl onto one of their eyes.

More specifically it was trying to go inside your eye.

Their pained and horrified shouts echoed through the forest. He waited for them to faint, before picking them up in his arms.

"I'm gonna love and cherish you~ We all are."

Y/n awoke, gasping for air like a fish of the dry land gasped for water. Their throat was dry and raspy from the screaming.

Wait screaming...

No.

No.

NO.

Their vision was blurry, their body was bruised and hurting in many different places.

They remembered the traumatic event that took place earlier. When they recognized that familiar feeling of tiny little creatures climbing over them they started hyperventilating.

Your new ptsd was kicking in. Lovely.

Before Y/n could swat any of them away, Swarm held them back. 

Hé had placed them onto the couch in his cabin, his butterflies had nestled themselves into their hair and onto their body.

They where like a cozy blanket of living creatures. When he noticed they awoke he leaned over uncomfortably close.

"You looked so pretty when you where unconscious, it makes me wanna preserve your beautiful self."

"Wha-"

They looked at him if he was crazy. Wanting to curse him out for involuntary bringing them here and letting his creatures attack them but pain made it difficult get out any sounds.

They felt something moving in their left eye.

"My~ It seems one of my lovelies wanted to make a nest in your eye. This one particularly attached to you." He said, almost adoringly.

Y/n felt close to fainting again as a red familiar butterfly crawled out of their eye socket. Swarm pulled them close to his chest, starting to stroke their head like one would do to a favored pet.

You didn't like butterflies anymore was your last thought before blacking out.

- - - - -

[revclver-jesus]

How do you feel when people say that Takaya is just using Jin and Chidori?

{{ You mean like that one hot take that drove me up the wall? lmao I am going to give you the full blown dissertation here i go-- let's call this essay

The Most Commonly Misunderstood Thing About Takaya's Character: or Why Team Strega Is Not Literally A Cult lol

When people say that Takaya is just 'using" Jin and Chidori, what they're implying in most contexts is that Takaya is incapable of forming attachments and his motivations are fairly shallow-- essentially Takaya is not a complex villain and should be dismissed as purely selfishly motivated and malicious. He's a "simple" villain.

Now I realize....... that I might be biased as that girly that's written him on a dedicated blog for multiple years now, but purely objectively speaking, removing all my own headcanons, using only the information provided to use in canon? It's just thoroughly false, tbh!

First I'll go into why he isn't purely selfishly motivated and then I'll explain his relationship with Strega because I can prove the motivation with just Reload as an example, let alone the novel. Takaya, in Reload especially but even in the original game, I would argue has a full blown character arc off screen. At the start of the game he does appear to be more selfish, he has no real motivation and is just living out the last of his life doing underhanded assassin work-- nothing's really challenging him. But as the story progresses, Takaya begins to express a meaningful ideology-- he develops a greater concern for the world around him and expresses a full blown motivation. He says, in protest to the choices of the protagonist in one of his social events, and I quote: " Choosing to turn a blind eye towards your own power, to the grief of the fallen, to the unchosen and the unloved." Its clear he is not talking about himself here, as he mentions grief for the fallen. Takaya is expressing that he feels grief for something-- he is sorry about something that has happened to someone else, and it bothers him enough to nearly scream about it.

I think, often times, people dismiss what Takaya says as insincere almost automatically without any indication that he doesn't mean the words he's saying besides perhaps being vain and dishonest in other scenes, but these social event scenes are clearly meant to be interpreted as him being unusually earnest. By the end, Takaya is not just trying to keep his own power, but, as he says " this is not just my will but the will of all people. " which all culminates into Takaya's final character arc moment, where, in his final boss, he says the line " I will throw away my pride! " before using an evoker instead of trying to summon without help, implying that he is finally sacrificing his ego to better fight for what he believes in. If he was fighting for a positive cause, this would be a heroic moment, but it is still concrete evidence that his motivation is no longer meant to be seen as purely selfish. He is now fighting for " the will of all people ". He cares about the " the fallen, the unchosen and the unloved."

So what about Jin and Chidori? To put it simply, Takaya is not some puppet master that breaks them down emotionally and treats them like tools. They're his friends, and he happens to have a leader's personality, so they follow him, much like the protagonist he is designed to mirror. Its a lot easier to guess how he feels about them when you don't assume the worst and look at all his canon interactions with them. And even easier to tell if you can manage to read any english translated pages of their strega-focused novel ( which we can assume is fairly canon since Reload references it with the child turned into a large shadow ).

In the novel, as far as I've seen ( its only partially translated ), team Strega is extremely informal and lighthearted around each other. There is no sign that they fear Takaya, as they are willing to tease each other and disagree. The opening scenes of the book quickly establish a sort of family-like dynamic, with Takaya having an older brother-like role. He teases Chidori ( in a bit of heavy handed foreshadowing ) that she will understand why people fall in love when she's older-- of which Chidori sort of says gross and "as if" and rolls her eyes at him. Jin, being the narrator perspective, shows no sign of intimidation when around Takaya, something that would bleed through into their every interaction-- especially the establishing scene introducing the cast-- if that were the case. I feel, even if the novel is not canon, the writer would be instructed not to write Takaya so friendly if he was meant to be a heartless manipulator regardless.

In the game, the most manipulative thing he ever does to either is when Chidori is pulled back into Strega. Takaya tells her that there is nowhere else she can go and reminds her that death is not to be feared in a way that sounds like he's repeated this mantra often enough he knows she can guess it. This seems spooky, but the tension is immediately alleviated by the flippant and kind of sassy way that Chidori assures them she remembers Takaya's advice. This is not how you talk to your cult leader and this is not a cult, this is something closer to a gang or a club-- at worst, a coven of witches ( considering their team name is "witch" in italian.). They simply have an in-group and out-group sort of mentality, a shared since of identity, and a shared view of the world to go with it, which is to be expected when you've been openly shunned and mocked by the average person ( as seen at the start of the first scene with Shinji ) But this scene, when compared to all their mundane and lighthearted interactions, doesn't imply anything more severe than the leader of your misfit club reminding you why we don't hang out with the normies. You're "one of us" and a level of loyalty and commitment is expected when you otherwise always act as a group.

Yes, he is very cold and indifferent to the sight of his team members getting hurt-- or hurting themselves, for that matter, but the reason for this is obvious. In Reload, Takaya plainly expresses that he is feeling attachment ( for the protag at the moment ) but is avoiding his own capability for attachment intentionally. That scene was meant to establish that he can feel attachment, that he isn't as cold as he pretends to be, to encourage the viewer to see him with a little more nuance. What causes a man to force himself to be colder than he really is? What can cause an avoidance toward emotional attachment? Maybe...... watching 100 children die after being orphaned and stolen away to live underground for years? lmao

And so, when Takaya watches Chidori do self harm or literally sacrifice her life, for one-- he's not going to parent her, they don't have that kind of relationship, and he would be a hypocrite if he tried to encourage her not to do what she wants to to her dying body-- and two, of course he doesn't mind if Chidori dies, he's expecting that to happen anyways. His one greatest gift is his uncanny ability to accept death and the death of others. Mourning you openly is not how he expresses emotion. Especially when he sincerely believes death is a blessing. Its just the way she died that he's a little annoyed by. ( And why shouldn't he be honestly-- the girl threw her life away on the first nice guy she met at the mall just to make his work harder from his perspective, lmao ) BUT. In the comic version of that scene, Takaya does let himself be cut across the chest purely because he hesitated to shoot when he saw Chidori's spirit protecting Junpei. So... that might imply something.

However, if there is any greater evidence against any who claim that Takaya does not care about Jin especially... Takaya's final words, in multiple renditions of the story including the movies and Reload, are to say that he wishes Jin was with him as he died. If there is anyone that Takaya cared for, at least one single character in the entire game, it is above all Jin Shirato.

In the movies its very obvious, with the sad closeup shot of him looking beaten and washed up as he wishes Jin could be here to see it all end with him. I have the scene as an icon ! Look at how emotional the framing is !

So yeah, that's how I feel, it just drives me crazy when people remember Takaya as just Some Asshole lmao-- he IS an asshole! But he's no Chairman Ikutsuki, he has a lot of complexity to him beyond being the guy who killed Shinji, and not everything he does is black and white. There is highly plausible reason to believe Takaya cared for both of them in his own way, but the ever loyal, best friend, Jin Shirato, especially so. }}

[necroromantics]

🌾 — Battle Fields

ticciwork short story

- a boy lay silent atop the bright autumn meadow of the countryside. farmstead and forest still waiting, but the woods of the darkened world no longer lure him in, and horrify him with its dreadful kingdom.

- silently, he wishes to a god who is not listening to remain lying under the warm sunlight, breathing along to the birds song and humming symphony of crickets.

- here in the endless wilderness, he was removed from the world of man, and creature. he never saw so clearly the wide blue spread of heaven coated by soft white cloud.

- his back met the grassland that cradled him as dandelion weeds sat messily in his brunette hair. tired, ladened eyes found a semblance of strength in the sky as he stared up. strange country surrounded him, nevertheless the forest brook spoke to the young man.

- a deep inhale of the reek of the wartorn fields caused the boy to tremble with the wounds of a hundred dying and sick. time has long slipped past him, and he knows only that somewhere in the distance, a battle is being fought.

- brown, earthly eyes grow heavy and darken the world around him for a moment. slowly, he begins to slip away. he, too, will return to what he was. he will once again become a soldier. and he will once again know, that the sweet breath of peace, the precious possession of heartbeat, is only a loan.

- a soft kick to his side fluttered him awake, the small boyish frame hurriedly taking a seated position and faced the leg which had touched him. he looked up, and his gaze met with a familiar, tall and brunette girl.

- “what’re you doing out here?” she spoke.

- “what do you care?” he replied.

- the rolling chirp of a northern cardinal was heard in the distance, singing from the tall trees of orange and yellow. in this torturous year, autumn had come early.

- without another word, the girl had taken a seat beside the boy whose thick brow was now furrowed in disregard. with his eyes, he promised friendship, and they were so young. the winds come and go, the clock that sat itself inside her left eye ticked on, and yet she stayed. sat for a time by his side. she stayed in silence.

- the last warmth of the fall catered itself onto their skin, and the wide meadow enveloped the pair. the mighty sun falls kindly onto their foreheads, and jackets. breathing in, they shared a sense of an upcoming winter.

- “maybe some day you will come back from the war, and take a walk with me one evening.” the clock-eyed girl spoke, her slender arms draped casually around her long legs as to hug them. the boy only stared at her in reply. he had forgotten for a moment what he was, and where he was supposed to be.

- “give me your hand then, i still have a long way to go.” a reply was spoken in a low mutter, a boyhood fear of making the companion beside him run off as one frightened deer might. he was a soldier running away from the battlefield, and she was beautiful.

- “you know nothing of time. you will remain in those woods until it kills you,” her eyes gazed forward into the edge of the dark, tall forest that beckoned, “you will never free yourself wholly like this. the puppet strings remain attached.”

- the girls long thin fingers calloused with years of creation, and destruction, wrapped neatly around the boys blood-stained hand. they interlocked as though they were never meant to be apart in the first place, as if a puzzle piece was being put into its proper place.

- “i need to make my way back now. the sun is beginning to set,” he spoke softly, there was a hint of melancholy that hitched his speech. only in reply did the girl stare out to the orange and red rusted skies as the two watched the sun lay to rest.

- “its going to kill you some day, toby.”

- “that is knowledge i can live with.”

- “take me with you to your grave, then, stubborn boy.”

- a low chuckle escaped his mouth at the oh too familiar scold of his closest friend. he nodded in agreement, joining her in a peaceful gaze at the beautiful view ahead of them. when he made a glance over to her, he saw a hint of deep sorrow make its way into the cracks of her time-ridden face as her brow creased and her lips folded into a frown.

- it seemed that no matter the exchange of words, the boy had an unfortunate habit of upsetting his intimate other. shaking his hand from her comfortable grasp, he stood up from his bedding within the vast golden green fields and stretched his tired body. the sweet breath of life shook sorrowfully from his overworked limbs and a quick goodbye was exchanged before he made his way back into the distant woods.

- for the boy, always a dim picture of a legend. war will remain, and heavy are the recent days. he has no place in the peaceful meadows outside the bounds of the battlefield.

[somegirlontheinternet135]

To set something straight, I've been making theories about this guy the second I heard his backstory (big spoilers ahead!)

At first, hearing about how Capsaicin Cookie was born from a lava lake, instantly gave me the idea that his birth was the result of an experiment gone wrong. And when "Legend Of The Red Dragon" came out within an update later, my gears only turned even more, later theorizing that Capsaicin Cookie was likely the result of the first attempt in making the puppet dragon

I would go on to soon drop due to not having enough information to properly cover it, but thanks to the beast yeast, like a phoenix, theories were born from the ashes anew! But not just theories my friends, a full blown prediction!

Now this was said a few times already, but I'll say here for good measure: Capsaicin Cookie is, in some way, connected to the beasts in some, more specifically, Burning Spice Cookie

I mean, c'mon! The evidence is right in front us!

They have similar character designs

They have similar color schemes

Both have something to do with spice

They're in the same frickin pose

And the fact that Capsaicin used to rely so much on him "holding back," and Burning Spice being notorious for destruction is just too perfect

Ok with all the information out of the way, I've narrowed it down to three regarding Capsaicin's creatio. It's either:

A. Capsaicin was the original "empty" vessel for Burning Spice, but something happened, causing in his birth

B. Burning Spice could be a great ancestor of Capsaicin, which would explain why his was locked away in the first place, maybe whoever locked him up knew of the beasts and saw him as a threat

C. Burning Spice could be a part of Capsaicin in some way(TLDR: pulling a Steven Universe)

At the point l, you might be wondering, "Sure, these are possible theories, but what about the prediction?" Well friends, may I direct you to our second key player, Golden Cheese Cookie. Now, knowing that everyone in her kingdom is basically in a coma, and seeing her friends forming armies for the war, it's pretty logical that she'll have to find other cookies to volunteer to fight in the war, but has every reason not to. Mostly due to what last time, the main reason is that she gets attached way too fast, way too easily. Fortunately, other ancients are very understanding of this, but do try to convince GC into doing the right thing, and eventually through one way or another, she ends recruiting Capsaicin for the war

Their relationship is very slow burn, with GC showing Capsaicin nothing but tough love as to not get attached to him(think Toph from ATLA) but ends not working for her, and slowly and surely, the two get close, like mother and son. . . At some point in the story, it isn't long for a certain someone to find out about their relationship

Now tell me, what sounds more metal. . ?

Learning about your past, and being forced to kill your mother figure due to her "stealing what's ours!"

Or Getting closure after loosing so much, just be forced to harm your adopted son after finding out his origins

[ikamigami]

There's several reason I dislike EAPS

For one, Puppet, Foxy hasn't been as bad but what is her deal attaching Eclipse to her hip and forcing him onto the problems of another Sun and Moon when he just wanted freedom? And her sticking her nose in Sunlight and Moonlight's business? Yeah Sunlight and Moonlight's dynamic is not healthy but is shoving Eclipse(who has a lot of delusional complexes about Sun and Moon and is just pissed off at them all) and Puppet(who's pretty selfish and as delicate as a sledgehammer when it comes to handling things, not to mention she's very rude) onto it is helping? Yeah with encouragement Sunlight and Moonlight have been growing closer but it almost feels like nudging a wagon down a hill and letting it pick up too much speed, Eclipse is vicious to Sunlight and often rude to Moonlight, and Puppet is often condescending to Sunlight, our Sun had to tell them to slow the hell down because they're being too impatient, nor are they helping Sunlight and Moonlight beyond shoving them together, did they help Sunlight and Moonlight with their first day? No, and this is just one example

Second, Eclipse, I get distancing yourself from people with bad blood, sometimes that's the healthiest thing you can do, but that is AFTER acknowledging what went wrong, what this feels like is Eclipse running away to a new world and because he just so happened to find a Sun more selfish than our own he feels vindicated in his hatred towards our Sun instead of realizing how awful he was for no reason, he just gets to run away without even apologizing and instead gets to keep hating all he wants, AND inflict his anger on Sunlight and Moonlight, did it never occur to Eclipse that the reason Sun couldn't hear him was because Moon literally sealed Eclipse in a bubble so he couldn't be heard period? And when he did break out he said nothing? And did he never realize that Moon knew the whole time he was there and probably lied to Sun if Sun ever brought up feeling "something off"? And did it never occur to him that the reason Sun suppressed him was because Eclipse was an ACTIVE THREAT? And they say Eclipse is smart

Then there's Sunlight and Moonlight themselves, these two are very different to our Sun and Moon, Sunlight is a lot more fearful since he refuses to reach out to Moonlight at first because of the pain of their transformation, as opposed to our Sun who despite being scared as Moon actively threatened him on their first day tried to help Moon when Moon said he was hurting, Sunlight is also far less forgiving in that he doesn't want to give Moonlight the time of day at first and even deleted Moonlight's intro video to him and needed more convincing from Puppet to record his own, meanwhile our Sun, despite battling Moon constantly and was being abused every single day, kept trying to share with and make peace with Moon, that's what over the years slowly endeared Moon to him and he agreed to be Sun's brother, Sunlight is more selfish as he wants the body to himself mainly due to the pain, he doesn't want Moonlight there at all, meanwhile we know Sun kept trying to reach out to Moon to compromise, and the reason he tried keeping Moon away wasn't just because of the pain, but more importantly, it was almost guaranteed that if Moon was let out, another innocent person would get hurt or killed, people forget that that's why Sun locked Moon away, it was to protect another child, guest, staff member, or other innocent person from being painfully murdered by Moon

Then there's Moonlight, he's so much calmer and friendlier than our Moon ever was/is, he's almost more like Nexus when he was good and being calm with Sun, he wants to share with Sunlight, to compromise, he regrets the pain their transformation causes the other, he wants to build a relationship with Sunlight and be at peace, and he's a lot more friendly with everyone including Eclipse who's very rude to him, contrast that with Moon, who on his first day promised Sun "I'll make your life a living hell" and FOLLOWED THROUGH, for years Sun was verbally and physically tormented by Moon, being insulted, demeaned, embarrassed and shamed, Moon would activate the pain sensors to hurt him, and Sun had to death with the aftermath of Moon's killings, the reactions of people, the bodies, the blood, the grief of knowing another innocent life was murdered and he failed to protect them, all the while Moon never grieved those people, he may regret it a little now, but he admitted before he liked hurting people even without the Killcode

And YET, through these two, Sun and Moon look worse, it's not quite ass bad with Moonlight, though people may be inclined to once again think Moon was this poor victim who suffered because of Sun's "selfishness", when he was the real monster, but Sun's name is besmirched so much worse, especially with Eclipse going "that's what he was like", um…No he wasn't, then again Eclipse's view on Sun especially has always been deeply incorrect, he believed all Suns everywhere were weak and stupid until Dark Sun absolutely clowned on him, and of course Eclipse would think of Sun as uncharitably as possible, despite being in Sun's mind he thoroughly misunderstands Sun and because he hates Sun he'd never examine the fact his opinions on Sun are wildly off, it's right in how he used to talk, either Sun is stupid, weak, and worthless, or he's "just as bad as me", see the double standard? He either thinks Sun is nothing, or thinks he's just as rotten and selfish as himself and Moon, that and of course he's actively lie or say these wild inaccuracies to others to ruin Sun's name, he's done that before look at the Chip incident for one example, Sunlight is not how Sun used to be, but of course people are going to think that because boo-whoo poor Moon and Eclipse is always right and screw Sun I guess

I do hope EAPS actually goes in a decent direction where Eclipse is forced to realize all this, that Sun was never at fault and none of his behavior towards Sun was justified, that he messed up badly, and that it was all Moon's fault that he was imprisoned to begin with, an should at least actually say the words "I'm sorry", at least he apologized to Lunar, right?

You're absolutely right, dear anon 👏

You said everything right.

And these are reasons why I don't like Eclipse's redemption arc cause it feels more like regression.. people say that he didn't even heal from his trauma.. but how can he? When he doesn't even realize what he did wrong in that situation and he doesn't even reflect on anything?

People think that healing from trauma means that now poor Eclipse can be a piece of shit to others without any consequences because it doesn't look like someone in that dimension will tell Eclipse where his place is..

Eclipse can do whatever he wants as long as Puppet is content with that.. and how in her eyes this is helping Eclipse? QwQ

Like I can see Eclipse only getting worse there..

This whole idea was bad and stupid.. but uhhh it was Puppet's idea so why am I surprised? LOL

But yeah it wouldn't be pissing me off so much if it wasn't for a fact that fans believe Eclipse as always that Sun was just like Sunshine.. because they can't ever think critical when it comes to Eclipse..

I don't have anything more to add to what you said, dear anon. You're right about everything.

[gamequoteshowdown]

Quote 1: "I made a promise. I’ll do anything." - Elster, Signalis

Quote 2: "Escaping from your purpose is impossible." - The Batter, OFF

Propaganda

Quote 1: ok so like. signalis spoilers but the entire game focuses around elster, the mc, fighting her way through a time loop hell to kill her lover, ariane, and put her out of her radiation-induced misery. it was a promise she made to ariane and it’s a huge thing in this game because it’s why she’s doing all this in the first place. this quote flashes onscreen as she’s ripping off the arm of her dead body from another time loop cycle and attaching it to herself and it’s badass and awesome and intense and a little heartbreaking. yeah you should vote for this quote it means a lot in the game and also let’s go lesbians

Quote 2: This quote, while not entirely summarizing the character of the Batter (there's another quote he says, equally sick as hell, that explains his other half) and his ideals. He is a character made for one purpose, and one purpose alone- To finish the game he was put in. To defeat all that stand in his way, and purge the world of suffering and anguish by any means necessary. These are the words of a man, a beast, a THING that is willing to sacrifice anything and everything for some semblance of peace or tranquility, for all time. He has vanquished titans with power far greater than his, left their lands barren and hollow, filled with creeping monstrosities whose only motive is to end the life of anything that they can find. He has stopped at nothing, and he cannot stop, either. He is not in control of his own body- As much of he is his own person, he is just as much a mere puppet of your will. Every life taken requires an effort on your part to cause it. You enabled his conquest. You are the sole reason he was able to fulfill his twisted crusade of terrible "peace". Plus, the quote goes hard as fuck, so...

@itsslivernotsilver @gengarghast

[murdererofthumbs]

I think we can all agree, after this episode, that Roman is going down into incredibly dark spiral, which will only get worse, because he is not processing his grief, like, at all. I think Lukas’s words had to be ringing through Roman’s head this whole episode, when he said that if Logan was here now, he would be embarrassed (disappointed, always fucking disappointed) in what Kendall and Roman are doing with his legacy. It shows in the way that Roman aggressively tries to exert the control over his situation and his self-image, by firing people who he should be keeping close. All because he thinks that this is how his dad would behave, that this is what he would have wanted (and because everyone is seeing him as a failure, as ‘not good enough’ replacement for Logan, as a joke that he always was and always will be). There is a clear disconnect between his actions and his emotions, and everything in-between is just a dull afterimage of repressed guilt, and grief, and loss that he cannot possibly overcome. He is trying to regain power, even though he doesn’t want it, even though it was drilled into him that he can only be happy when all his control is taken away from him.

Roman does have lucid moments throughout this episode, where he realises that he pushed too far and made a mistake, but he doesn’t have the support that he needs to reel him back from the downward spiral of self-destructive power trips. Kendall is too wrapped up in his own manic sense of grandiosity, whereas Shiv attempts to keep herself from being pushed away from the business, by manipulating the situation to retain the sense of control. And Roman is left by himself in this sense of loss, where the only person who made him validated was gone forever; where he will never be able to get the same feeling of approval that only Logan was able to grant him. His sun is gone, and he is left stranded in the darkness, freezing in his own shame and self-hatred and sense of inadequacy. Roman Roy always gets it wrong.

The crucial problem is that Roman is never going to be able to comfortably emulate Logan. He is too guided by his emotions, too attached to the concepts of love and family, that the vulnerability that is an integral part of who he is, usually ends up being his downfall. His hurt feelings are always going to take the front seat, and guide his actions straight into self-destruction. In this episode, both of his attempts to imitate his dad ended with frenzied firing, and committing really two cardinal mistakes, one of them definitely bigger than the other. But most importantly, each time he did it, you could see a certain twitchiness about Roman (which was always there, like a background noise that could be easily missed if it wasn’t ringing so loudly), how his body inadvertently knows that this behaviour doesn’t fit, that it’s not really who he is, that he cannot possibly be a killer, when he spent so much of his life balancing on the edge of the knife. How his upbringing caused him to mistake abuse for love, to the point when he seeks that sense of degradation and shame as the only ways to reach fulfilment. To make him whole. Without Logan, Roman is just a landfill of shattered pieces, a puppet with his strings cut off, breaking at the seems. From episode to episode that grief for all he has lost, and for all he will never be able to get, keeps pouring out, and I don’t know how long it will be until there is nothing left to give.