#cause I think that experience honestly changed my life cause it showed me how much i thrive in hands on science

[farcillesbian]

just remembered how every lab partner i had in undergrad who was a guy absolutely sucked and every partner who was a girl was an angel and usually very cool. special shout-out to my physics lab partner jaewon who was a double major in physics and music??? incredibly smart AND played flute at a university level and also very beautiful. yes I had a bit of a crush.

[arcadia345]

Astro observations🌺

FYI I’m not a real astrologer, just my observations :) TW🔞

The cancer moon men I know are pretty chill and laid back + funny, but the women are so bitchy and moody😭 with a big sweet tooth

Every twin I know either has Gemini or Pisces placements

You ever meet someone and their neck just stands out for some reason added points if they smell good, most likely they’re a Taurus rising/ mars. Good example is Megan thee stallion her neck is so cute to me hehe

Aries in the chart can show you the things you were introduced to at a very young age, the early memories that you think of and say ‘That was wild lol’

3rd: could’ve started learning way before you started school(like flash cards and things) siblings and cousins, music, having access to electronics early

4th: erratic home life, the woman around you could be go getters

6th: could’ve got a lot of injuries when younger, probably couldn’t have a peaceful day even if you tried, bad experiences with animals

7th: domestic abuse, might have seen people having affairs, lots of disagreements between couples

12th:paranormal events, you could’ve had a lot of deja vu moments without even knowing, tend to have strong spiritual gifts,people having ill intentions towards you

Aquarius moon or degree/ moon in the 11th tend to have a “second mom” a person that treats them like their one of their own children, sometimes even better than their own mother does. 🌚

The people with mars in the first house I know have so many battle scars on their body

Moon/cancer in 3rd love changing their voices, and they have a bad habit of not telling the whole truth / white lies

Water sign on the descendent- people are always wondering what you’re up to, no matter how much you show them they’ll still wanna know what you’re hiding

Your first house correlates to how you came into this world, I have Chiron (ruled by Virgo) in my 12 conjunct my ascendant, uhm she said she almost d*ed having me😀 and I was a C-section baby. And the hospital did her so dirty(you know much they hate black women) they didn’t even stitch her back up correctly or drain her fluids and to this day she still has problems. The also gave her extra dosages of drugs just cause she’s a plus size woman- honestly I could go on and on but it really correlates with my cap rising and Neptune/Uranus in 1st

Mercury ☌ Sun, these people voices are just💋💋 they sound so sensual and unique ugh hard to explain it but 🥴 ex. Jungkook , Tupac

Gemini/ Libra in 2nd love collecting things like figurines makeup clothes candles plushies, could easily be a borderline hoarder tho

Ives noticed that sun in 10th have a strained relationship with their father, but their later years in life their relationship gets better, or not could really go either way, also could have money issues in their early years but ends up climbing the corporate ladder. It may take you a while to tho but just know it’ll be worth it in the end :) also they always stand out at their work place in some way, the coworker that you’re glad to see clock in at rush hour cause you know they gonna handle shit

Venus- mercury positive aspects love giving out nicknames to their favorite people 🥺if they’re always calling you cute names just know they really care about you lol

Sag moons and degrees have no chill😀 like calm down bae sag anything tbh🚬

9th house ruler in the 11th could go to the same college with their old friends or could become very popular in the area they’re in, I think they’d make good bloggers

Air signs or degrees in 5th are trend setters.

Aquarius you inspire people, they could take things and make it into their own like art

With gemini here people will “copy & paste” ur looks. But no matter what it just looks like a knockoff version of what you did lmao it just never look as good as yours

Libra here people are very opinionated on how you express yourself either in a good way or bad, neither less you guys get a lot of compliments on your style

Every time I see a Capricorn rising with Neptune in the 1st it’s like their skin is see through and fragile😯makes sense tho since caps rule the skin and Neptune fogs things up. A good example is Ariana Grande her skin looks so delicate

Pluto/Scorpio in the 11th/11th house ruler in 8th, your friends could hate each other🤺 also they could have a rough life/childhood, trauma bonding or just experiencing traumatic events together is common here

Chiron in Aries (honestly any Aries placements it just depends on where it is), most people didn’t pay attention to them in their childhood in some way so they learned to be independent because of their lack of support cardinal things fr

That’s all for today! Give me a follow if you enjoyed💕

[ramblinscramblin]

May I request scout and demo (and maybe heavy if you want) with a ftm reader??? It can be any scenario NSFW, sfw idc. I'm hungry and I need food 😭 (you don't gotta do this btw just a little thought ♥️)

-‼️

→With a FTM reader!

Genre: slice of life, fluff! Male reader!

Characters: Scout, Demo, Heavy

Of COURSE I will write this. Relationship left pretty ambiguous. Hope you enjoy! Thank you again for the ask!

Scout

Scout definitely doesn’t realize without you spelling it out for him, no matter how “feminine” you may present.

Asks A LOT of questions, borders on invasive, but is just genuinely pretty confused and intrigued about it.

“So… wait, you were born a chick, but now you’re a guy? How’s dat work?”

“Scout, we have been over this. Literally ten times,” you say, exasperated.

After the initial long and honestly exhausting conversation, the two of you feel closer for it. He’s secretly sentimental as hell, so he appreciates you telling him so much, like it genuinely makes him feel so trusted.

When you come out to him, the support is not instant, as he tends to show these kinds of things in really covert ways, he doesn’t want anyone knowing he has a big heart.

But the second someone says something out of line that is when his support is the most apparent. Always corrects someone when they misgender you, but if they continue after he corrects them? Buddy, it’s over.

You tell scout you appreciate it, but you can stand up for yourself. He’s not really having it though, too hot headed to let it go.

Genuinely forgets your trans at time.

“Why don’t you ever use the urinals? S’weird,” the commented once as you left the bathroom together.

“Scout.”

“What?” He blinked at you dumbly for a few seconds, before realization dawns on him “oh shit! Dats right, sorry.”

He’s trying his best.

Demoman

Demo is part of team “not really my business so it doesn’t affect me”

As in it doesn’t really affect the way that he feels about you, or the way he treats you.

Doesn’t ask any questions unless it’s clear to him it’s something you’d like to talk about.

Depending on closeness he may even feel confident in making some jokes about it. Only if you find them funny though, absolutely wouldn’t do it if made you upset/uncomfortable.

Is big into giving you male experiences that you may have missed out on, mostly cliché and stereotypical things, some of which you have probably definitely done before.

“Demo, I think we’re a little too old to be playing trains right now,” you say, holding a train in your hand.

“Fine then, I’ll just clean it up then,” Demo said with a huff.

You stop him “well… I didn’t say that.”

Let’s you speak for yourself in most settings, but if you ever express your discomfort in a situation he won’t hesitate to remove you from it/remove the person causing this discomfort.

Doesn’t make a huge scene, will take the blame for you saying it’s him who’s got a problem.

Demo supports you when you need it, encourages you through your medical transition if you choose to do so/if you haven’t already.

Alternatively, reassures you that you’re not less of a man for not having surgeries or using HRT if you choose not to.

I honestly believe that Demo has been around a lot of queer people, he’s the world’s best trans ally.

Heavy

Heavy, like Scout has a lot of questions when you come out. Isn’t nearly as invasive and holds back anything that he thinks may make you uncomfortable.

It doesn’t change how he views you, thinks of you as man no matter what.

Really appreciates that he’s someone you trust enough to tell, even if he doesn’t fully get it, he understands that it can be a nerve wracking thing to talk about.

Recommends medic if you want to have any surgeries done, respectfully you decline. Fearing for the rest of your organs well being.

Heavy does a lot of reading to ensure he gets things right, but only brings up your transness if you do.

Loves hearing about your trans experience if you tell him about it, will listen intently taking mental notes.

Doesn’t feel the need to protect you, you’re a grown man who handled himself perfectly fine without him. But, like Demo, if he feels you getting a little out of your depth all he really has to do is come stand behind you.

Gender affirming nicknames, always. I feel like Heavy is big into nicknames some of his favorite for you is “big man” “guy” “handsome” if he’s feeling bold.

“How is the big man today,” he asked coming up to you one day.

You chuckle a little bit “it really should be me asking you that.”

Being with Heavy is a testosterone booster, just enjoy being masculine together.

OOOOO I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCH. I may revisit this idea later and add more of the mercs, for now I have more asks to get to! Thanks so much for the ask! (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

[pseudophan]

Hi! I am very very new to the Dan and Phil world. A friend of a friend had a spare ticket to their Oslo show and I went along. This was my very first Dan and Phil experience. I had heard their names, but went in completely blind after all who doesn't love a theatre trip to a foreign country. I had a wonderful time, even if I didn't really understand a lot of the backstory it was so much fun, and i thought i sort of had it worked out. I have come home and binged their content now, but the more I watch, the more confused I am. I watched the Anthony Padilla Dan interview tonight and that was the point where I thought I need help. I was advised head here, pick someone nice and avoid twitter so here I am. When I was watching the show in Oslo, it seemed to me that it was the most married unmarried couple ever, having fun together on stage, poking fun at all the crazy that they had faced together over the years, however the more I indulge in their content the more I am confused as to what is real or not. Is the whole stage couple thing just an act? Were they together but now not? Have I misunderstood the whole show? That Anthony interview Dan seemed to be saying he was very single and ready to find a man, so I am very very lost. Google was no help. I don't want to over step but after watching them perform on stage, they seemed completely infatuated and in love with each other and in recent videos i watched. It is all very confusing. Whatever they are, they know how to put on a show. They have a new fan in me, albeit a slightly confused one. Hope you don't think I am overstepping.

first of all, that's an insane introduction to dan and phil and i love it. i was also at the oslo show! it was a good one

as for your question, well you see the thing is dan howell is chronically full of shit. that time period was a bit weird and he was a bit annoying and he had this "single and ready to mingle" bit going, god knows why cause it wasn't very believable, but.. idk, i think perhaps it was a mix of just that fitting his brand of "comedian" better and him desperately wanting to get away from the Dan And Phil label, but because he couldn't ever fully commit to it it just fell flat imo. like you can't be on youtube and on stage claiming you're single and wanna fuck around while also appearing in your boyfriend's videos acting married as fuck, it just doesn't work. and please no one start up that godforsaken open relationship debate again cause it's just not relevant, he wasn't selling open relationship he was selling single lol, at least in that anthony interview

but like all that said i don't really think he was trying to sell it to the phannies or any of his most hardcore fans, and i think that's exactly why he was willing to appear in phil's videos still showing a completely different, much more real, side of himself. the whole Single Dan On The Prowl thing was for himself and for random people who happened to be watching, more casual members of the audience

there's a looot more to be said about dan and the way he wants to be viewed, he talks about it himself a bit in the new show but you probably don't remember it that well if you saw it as an outsider like it's hardly the most memorable part of.. all of that haha, but basically to answer your question: dan's just kinda like that sometimes. you get used to it. or maybe you won't have to since he seems ready to finally maybe potentially possibly drop some of the pretence and just.... be. or he'll change his mind again and be back to bullshitting in a few months you honestly never know with that guy

but yeah dan in that era... grain of salt is all. it's just a persona and a desperate plea to be viewed as something, anything other than Dan From Dan And Phil. it's just kind of hard to get away from that when the other half of your double act is also your life partner, you know?

[restinslices]

I don’t know if I requested this already but how do you think the Lin Kuei bros would react when each of them got their first gf?

It’s 5am but I’m avoiding sleep cause sleep paralysis been kicking my ass recently so here we are. I didn’t know if you were imagining a certain age or how detailed you wanted it so they’re all at different ages

Bi-Han

Bi-Han doesn't have that much experience when it comes to dating even if he's the oldest brother 

Growing up he was taught to mainly focus on his clan since he'd be the next Grandmaster so naturally dating is something that was at the back of his mind 

When he got his first girlfriend he'd probably be older. So he's mature when it comes to handling himself but he's not mature when it comes to romantic relationships 

I think the first week would be the hardest because he's both nonchalant but also worried if that makes sense

Nonchalant because he doesn't physically show any emotion besides disdain but also worry because whenever he hears about new relationships, people are always so giddy. They're glowing. They're jumping up and down and are cuddled next to their partner all the time. 

Bi-Han though? He doesn't do any of that. He's not sure what he should do and since he doesn't know, it makes him worry that maybe he made the wrong choice. Maybe he took the bit of affection you gave him and ran with it and it went outta hand 

After that first week though, he still wants to be with and around you so he starts to relax and realize he just reacts differently to things 

Some things he would struggle with since this is his first relationship. He'd struggle with the idea of being around his partner so often. Does he enjoy your presence? Yeah. But he also wants a lot of alone time 

Idk how long his first relationship would last. He gives me both “we're in this forever” and “forever isn't realistic” vibes. 

I honestly don't think he'd change much, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that he's a grown man. He's past all the intense teenage emotions. 

I don't even think his partner would notice a difference tbh. He trails behind you more but besides that, he still acts like your friend Bi-Han which isn't necessarily a bad thing 

Because it's his first relationship, I don't see him initiating things like physical touch that much. I think his partner would have to either ask or hint at it 

Cutsey things just don't come naturally to him. 

Is he happy about his first relationship? Absolutely. He just doesn't see the big deal with certain things like hand holding or other romantic expectations. Honestly I can see that being the cause of his first relationship ending depending on who it is but if it's someone that's on the same wavelength or understands lack of affection doesn't mean lack of love then I could see it lasting forever. 

Kuai Liang 

Kuai Liang was probably the first to start dating 

Does he have responsibilities? Yes. But that wouldn't stop him from experiencing certain things, even if he had to do it sneakily. 

He was a young teenager when he finally got his first girlfriend. She was apart of a nearby clan and although he was told many times not to focus on women, he couldn't help it. 

It was a simple friendship but it turned into something more. A secret relationship no one could know about

I think Kuai Liang would be happy to finally have a girlfriend. It's something else in his life that gives him happiness besides his family. 

Also this is a teenager so he's geeked as fuck. He tries to appear all calm and cool but it wouldn't really work 

Would always try to sneak away to see her. He wants to spend as much time with her as he can. Half of it is because he's a teenager, half of it is because he genuinely likes her. 

I also think he likes exchanging gifts. It gave them both something to remember the other bye

As a young boy, he wants to tell everyone but because of circumstances, he can’t. Besides that though I just honestly think he’s happy waking up everyday knowing he’ll see her even if it’s only for a few minutes.

She was a break for him. He's always the mediator between Bi-Han and Tomas. He always had to train hard so he could assist Bi-Han when he became grandmaster. When he was with her he was relaxed. 

Enjoys the company that comes with having a partner, even if a lot of the times he's too busy to see her 

He knows he doesn’t know much about relationships, but that’s ok. Life’s a journey and he’s willing to learn and communicate for this girl

Considering it says “first relationship”, that means it doesn't last 

I think the reason would be they eventually get caught. His dad has a tighter leash on him and she's sent to a different area her clan occupies 

He wouldn't take this well but there's really nothing he can do

Takes him awhile to get over even if it was some silly teenage romance according to others. 

Tomas Vrbada

Tomas gets into his first relationship in his late teens to early twenties

I can see him telling Kuai Liang immediately and asking for advice 

I can see it being a friends to lovers kind of thing. She's an earthrealmer in the know about all the realms and stuff and knows Madam Bo. Tomas is easy to like so they become friends then he asks her out on accident 

Tomas, like Kuai Liang, would be happy to have a significant other. He'd like having a girlfriend because this is his person. He became a Lin Kuei because the grandmaster felt shame about his clan murdering Tomas’ family. To Tomas, that's not him actually wanting him. It's guilt 

Having a girlfriend though means she's with him because she loves him. She actually likes him and chose him.

Very proud boyfriend. He’s surprised he has someone to call his and thinks she’s everything 

He's younger so he's not really confident which I think would show. He constantly wants to be around her out of insecurity. He's worried that she'd leave and find someone else 

He thinks he’s not good enough for anything

Can we blame him? He has Bi-Han constantly making him feel shitty. Sure he’s not the only reason Tomas is insecure but he’s not helping

He's also paranoid about anyone else he loves being hurt. People get hurt, he understands that but he cannot say goodbye to someone else prematurely. Especially someone that makes him so happy

Since it's his first relationship, he doesn't know how to properly communicate these feelings 

He genuinely likes this person and wants to be something serious. The problem is all this hovering and worry could cause problems in the relationship and lead to it ending. 

His solution would be trying to change himself 

Letting go is not something he wants to do. This person makes him happy so why should he? He could definitely change and do better. 

And since this is his first relationship, he’s nervous something like this won’t happen again. 

Unfortunately for him you can’t get rid of insecurities easily and you have to love yourself before loving anyone else

You'd expect him to have the longest lasting relationship but he probably wouldn't. The relationship wouldn't end with harsh feelings but he'd still be upset by it and it'd encourage him to work on himself 

I promise you Kuai Liang is my favorite brother. Idk how Bi-Han got around 440 words and him and Tomas got around 380- I also plan on writing angst after I eventually go to sleep so tune in

[hemingwaystan]

A Guide To Actually Portraying The Lords Part 2: House Beneviento

Hello, fellow RE8 fans, this is the second part of a rant/post/open letter/essay which I intend as a detailed essay with five parts on how they should've portrayed the lords and then Miranda, with more realism and nuance, because they are nuanced characters when you actually think but Capcom is so bad at showing it. This is my opinion, feel free to disagree.

This is the section I'd change the least of but that doesn't mean I don't have a ton of shit to say so here we go. I'd say the player shouldn't be lured to the manor, the Duke just tells you where it is, no Mia picture, assuming we keep Mia because honestly? Ethan as a single dad makes more sense. No Mia bashing it's just that a marriage, if we think with even a tiny bit of logic can't survive all that. Also single dad rep is so rare in media. Because the player being lured to the manor, to me, just feels illogical to her portrayal otherwise, think about it. Donna is portrayed as a recluse who almost never leaves her house right? She probably didn't even want to have a Rose flask. She's the least involved in Miranda's work. Why would she want to bring another person, let alone one set on killing her or at least from her perspective but honestly pretty much true, to her house? Why would she in any universe want a home-invasion. So the player arrives in the manor and begins tripping balls. I'd keep this mostly the same with a handful of major changes, Angie and Donna don't do anything that could be misinterpreted to cause the braindead infantilization of them some people have been doing.

Throughout the house you'll experience flashbacks, one of your life in the mannequin section, and 2-3 of Donna's life, besides that mostly general horror stuff but also those. You'll see a few major moments in Donna's life so the characterization isn't limited to just reading stuff. But right before the end, in a vision, she cries, she has no idea you're seeing this as with the others. These visions of her only happen after the player first gets a hit off on Angie (Donna) which I'll instead put around 65% in. Killing Angie is still the focus through this because as far as you know Angie is not secretly Donna and they're, of course, trying to kill you. This happens because it lessens her control over her powers which she had before but in the pain is also experiencing a spiral because like, wouldn't you if you were in this situation, especially if you already had Major Depression. So we see our own reflection in the proverbial mirror but we also see manifestations of Donna's life and emotions.

The player will also be attacked by groups of armed dolls more than once, maybe every time you break them in defense Angie gets angrier causing some kind of increase in danger. Just because you get one stab off on Angie early doesn't mean it will end quickly, because Angie could be anywhere, not just among the dolls, hiding in any number of places, maybe even in the basement at times although the baby would've already happened by now. Trying to destroy Angie is just the goal but you have to do all the other Resident Evil puzzle shit throughout as before. And I'll put this to rest, the baby is and will be a hallucination, being eaten by it is representative of losing your mind. Why the fuck would she keep a giant baby in her basement? This is kind of out there but toward the end their could be like a sanity meter that goes down slowly. Like 90% in, you're in the room where she said "You can't leave, I won't let you." earlier. And right as you're finally about to defeat Angie the mirror shatters and you see the actual world.

Donna is on the floor, the blood is still on the wall, but she's very much not dead, just very injured, she'd survive because Cadou regen if you don't continue. You see her face either way because the veil was knocked off during the fight so there'll be real emotion to see in her expression. She begs you not to kill her. It's your decision whether you do or not, if you don't she'll show you where she hid the Rose flask, this also means she might say a couple things to the player, maybe good luck or something, Angie will say something too so it's proven and not just obvious that they're independent entities that are closely connected. Maybe Donna gives you a really good defensive charm and if you do kill her you'll get Angie and a Donna crystal to sell to the Duke for like combined 1.5x what Angie is worth in game, you'll also get a horrible charm with a directly opposing bonus as the one she would give you in the spare route (this is more for storytelling purposes as opposed to the kill one being useful) but you will have to search the house for the flask which will be a fucking pain but still a puzzle with clues. But past the gameplay decision, the real, meaningful choice is, are you putting a mentally ill servant of Miranda that tried to murder you out of her misery or is she not evil, just a victim of Miranda that deserves to live.

[prettynalilmagic]

ℙ𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔸 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕕: 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕜- ℝ𝕖𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟

Decks: Considerate Cat Tarot Vol 2, The Dark Mirror, Tarot of Pagan Cats, The Wild Unknown Archetypes

This reading will be shadow work based on what exactly are we repressing and not aware of. And how to work through it with advice from me and tarot. Take everything as a small guide, tarot is a tool for guidance and not to see or predict the future.

Pile one

First things first, Go get therapy.

"Its not about choosing the chains.

Its about choosing them again and again."

Pile one welcome to your little section. So, I had a theme card for your overall shadow, which was Addicted. At first, I was troubled with finding out exactly what type of addiction was causing you to repress your shadow, and I kept pulling cards and I realized that your shadow is built on way too many situations that come back to your dissatisfaction from your life. Pile One your addicted to hating yourself. You have heavy cards that show me that there’s this feeling of self-inflicted despair. Your shadow emits contempt for life, you hate yourself and honestly hate life overall. The hanged Man in reverse shows me that you grew up very much internally, most of your experiences are based inwardly as you felt left behind on life. Everyone seemed to reject you. Your loved ones, and people who are supposed to be close, turned their backs on you at some point so in turn you did the same. The world rejected you growing up. Life showed you, that you aren’t deserving of love, so you internalized that and have subconsciously clung onto that delusion.

Pile one do you feel like nothing can change you? Nothing can fix you? That things will stay the same or get worse over time? Have you even thought about how you feel about yourself truly? When was the last time you willingly reflected on your own self-image? Do you think there's any motivation for you to live your life beyond what traps you? Going back to your theme card, your repression is very much self-imprisoned. You don’t see you can work through any internal conflict and you in turn have been chaining your own self to depression. Nobody is perfect, that's true, but self-discovery is beautiful however it's also difficult. This won't be an easy task.

Mentally, you’re at rock bottom almost every day. Do you dissociate a lot? Do you even know if you do? Because I recently discovered that I dissociate a whole lot throughout my life and have never known I was doing it. Human brains are truly mind blowing, it can take and hold so much stress and pain, then hide it away from us so when we don’t keep reliving and feeling all that hurt.

Nobody wants to struggle and be depressed, and our brain very much plays a part in helping us hide it away. Chances are you downplay or don’t care to think or consider your own shadow self.

I'm not fit to diagnose, but pile one look into Complex Trauma, C-PTSD, and being Shame Bound. Learn about various types of traumas, habits, and attachment styles on YouTube it will help you get a rough idea on understanding what you need to improve on without using therapy. However, please if you can, look into seeing a psychologist and a therapist.

I know life is super tough as it is for you and you might not be able to afford it but research if there's anything you can afford and if you truly have searched, look into self-help groups online and self-help programs as well. There are free eBooks you can illegally get, pirate that shit. Get a tarot deck for yourself and do shadow work readings. Also please stop reading all the dumbass future partner and next lover readings, invest love into your own damn self before investing it onto some person you most likely haven’t even met or aren’t going to meet. Sorry it's a pet peeve of mine. Chances are you’re reading this on your phone or computer, get on the notes app and write out that little ass of yours. Please there’s still so many ways to make your own mental stability easier on yourself. There's so much stuff you can do if you truly look into it, I recommend watching Patrick Teahan, Heidi Priebe, Psych2Go, and Kati Morton, they're my personal favorite therapy youtubers, and they can help you.

Okay going back to the cards, and not my own personal input, the hanged man in reversed also shows me that it was your environment growing up that has formed you into who you are. Life for you looked like everything was so big and almost outta reach for you to grasp, but you’re still here, you have developed habits that has made growing up easier, you learn to get by.

Which leads me to the present, you got the 9 of cups, meaning that your experiences have made you who you are. It ties back to all those built of moments of isolation and lack of love for yourself that you grew up with. Obviously when we grow up knowing others are treating or making you feel some type of way, you take from that and build your mindset on all those experiences.

This hatred is what we use to get by and we build ourselves up to work with our hatred. You know you felt like you are replaceable or have a deep fear of being left behind, we go outta our way to justify being the ones to leave others and replace other people with anything else to get that same feeling, until the same trigger happens. It's a never-ending cycle and growing up it can actually be helpful. As a child we only experienced all the heavy emotions and were not shown consistent or significant amount of effort for our needs, so we learn to not expect that and run away from anything that triggers that little child in you. No one was there to show love so obviously unhealthy habits and mindsets get developed and grow up with us and only gets worse and worse as time flies by. Pile one, you are depressed and hopeless but cheer up, just because your life hasn’t been the best does not equate to that being a set-in stone reality for the rest of your life.

You can make your own life better; the daughter of cups reverse shows me that there's this desire to play around with stuff, just do it. Stop thinking about it, do it. Fuck shit up, stop being afraid of messing stuff up, you think the ones who have hurt you stopped when they were making you feel not cared for or loved? Nope, so just have fun.

Do that fun hobby idea you been thinking about. Get messy with life, even if it is creating something very sloppy. You want to express yourself some type of way but feel like you shouldn’t? Well just do it, even if you feel like a joke or an idiot just try it and see how it feels. Even if you don’t necessarily want to do something or show off a different look or skill, and your more so afraid of making mistakes and not being perfect, just push that thought to the back of your head.

If you spill your drink and make a mess, guess what you can clean it up, you don't have to get mad at yourself or at the drink. Shit happens, and why should you submerge yourself into all the small things with these big emotions like anger and sadness. Relax and rest those pretty eyes. Which goes into your last main card, Four of Swords. Again, relax for once, don’t guilt yourself. Everyone who has it easy, allows themself to relax from time. Even if they don’t doesn't mean that you should do the same thing. Have fun, learn more about who you are and why you are here. There’s so much self-sabotage that goes unnoticed by everyone.

Learn from yourself, thank who you had to become to get to here, and learn how to work past that when that shadow side doesn't help you anymore. You don’t have to 100% love yourself to overcome your shadow. Because here’s the thing, you’re not overcoming it, you’re learning to accept it and work with it to do better. Your shadow is who you are and use it to your ability to grow. Pile one get outta here and watch some therapy videos pls, you will be happier even for just a second.

Pile Two

"What I can't have forever, I will have for a minute. What I can't have for a minute, I will hold to me for one second."

Hello pile two, welcome to your pile. I assume for the most part your shadow is not something you shy away from because quite frankly there's not a significant amount of repression that is being displayed; I feel like this kind of shifted into a little bit of a motivational reading from your guides to tell you about one specific flaw in you rather to tackle down one serious hindering issue.

You guys got two theme cards for your theme of the overall shadow side that you're repressing. I pulled Masquerade and Queen of my world, for you pile two. Both cards have one thing in common. Both are attached to the word Bargain. Which tells me that you tend to do the most to procrastinate the process of bad emotions or habits. Masquerade is all about living in the moment and doing everything in your power to savor and dwell into the fleeting moments you so desperately want to hold onto and stick to. Queen of my world is all about holding onto a facade that hinders the possibility of being seen as anything other than graceful and powerful. You also pulled the daughter of wands in reversed. Which tells me that you procrastinate as well, and you can honestly be very disorderly as well.

You repress your shadow self because of how uncomfortable you are for being seen as who you wish you could be.

You know when we live our whole lives trying to maintain a certain image, it can be so hard and honestly draining. It makes sense why you want to slack off and just live in the moment because maintaining the way you think you have to come off to other people is very draining and if you think about it, your facade is stressful weather you are or aren't aware of it. Having live off of short moments and a false persona is only going to fulfill you for so long, do you think pretending to be stronger, smarter, or fiercer than you really going to stop you from embracing your true inner strength? Because aren't you tired of always having to consistently perform? I don't know if you are even doing it for yourself because doing that for so long will tire you out and make you unsure of who you are deep down.

Pile two, I did pull the son of cups. Which is a very charming and very appealing person to be around, this just reinforces that you will be this at all times for everyone and everything. Given that this is the card that's supposed to represent your present reality, I believe that you are a very much cookie cutter desired person. Someone who is always on top of how you appear as. All I see is that there's this big grand facade of being this person that is so desirable and welcoming. Everyone wants to present themselves in a good light to an extent but for you pile two it's very apparent that this isn't a want for you, it is a need and you do whatever needs to be done to be this beautiful picture-perfect version of yourself, but your human, so guess what? You are at a point where you have to chill out and learn to be yourself, not the ideal version at all times. It's okay to not be what everyone else wants you to be, or what your parents want you to be or whoever else you want to idealize you. You're a human, you're only capable of so much, you're flawed, and you can want to do or partake in things that are different from what should be expected from you. 

I pulled The High Priestess in reversed for you as clarification for Son of Cups.  Which tells me that you are a very spiritual person, which would make sense, you are reading a tarot reading. Besides that, it brings up to light that your inner self is not being done justice.

Do you even understand who you truly are? Not what you think you have to be to maintain approval.

This facade habit is not aligned with your highest potential. Because face it, do you think you will be happy for the rest of your life pretending to be something that isn't the real you? Just because others think you will be does not make that idea a reality, stop deceiving your true potential.

I don't want to assume but my guess is you may or may not have immigrant parents that have kind of forced this urgency to be a certain way to please them. At the end of the day, you know how you want to be or wish to be. If you don't relate to that portion obviously disregard it, it could be anything from grades, skills, and appearance. Maybe it's a controlling figure, which could be a lover or a person in power over you causing you to feel like you cannot be authentically yourself. 

The next card for you is Chariot, which is all about heading straight to where you want to be. Who you want to be. Nobody is going to be able to do it for you. You have built a wonderful mask for yourself for so long that it'll be hard to take it off and learn what you look like when you aren't wearing one. It will be unnatural to you at first, but you will get used to it. You got this pile two. I hope the best for you beautiful. 

Pile Three

"I cannot recognize myself. But I'm still me."

Welcome to your reading Pile three. I pulled two oracle cards; Downcast Pride and Is this Me, which the purpose is to reflect on the main themes of your reading. Is this Me is associated with the last stage the Dark Mirrors Oracle grief cycle, which the stage of acceptance, whereas Downcast Pride is associated with the depression stage.

Which brings up the primary point- your shadow self that is being repressed, is your own lack of attachment to joy or fulfillment for your life. This pile does remind me a lot about pile one, as both were attached to the stage of depression. There's been this emptiness in our lives for so long, that we become very dull in life and don't bother to work or see things in a way outside of that empty feeling. Yet, on contrast to pile one, pile three is more so at the phrase of depression morphing into the stage of acceptance. Pile three has wisdom and more insight compared to both previous piles. Pile three you have this inward recognition that everyone is within means of having the capacity to alter your method of thinking and act based on that. You're the more self-aware pile so congratulations on that. I got the High Priestess reversed, Nine of Cups reversed, and Two of Swords as the cards to represent what is being repressed from your past. Nine of Cups was the overall main card for the first question and when it's in reversed I read it as dissatisfaction despite all the opportunities that have been given to us. Perhaps, we overestimated what should be given or granted to us and are disappointed that we don't feel satisfied even if our needs have generally been met. In other words, even though you didn't have the worst hand in life, you're not content. It's possible, you have taken your status, or a piece of your own identity for granted. Given the length of time we have used certain facets of our identity for so long, or maybe even briefly; our perspective of our identity can very much be impacted with that facet we once were attached to and what we used to represent. And it also plays a significant role in preserving our happiness and contentment. Now, this "opportunity" or fragment of identify has gotten away as time gives space for it to vanish off. Life is all about change, it's difficult to accept yet we can't and shouldn't allow it to dictate our personal fulfillment. Change is devasting but so is self-pity, a little self-pity is healthy for you, too much is detrimental for us to expand ourselves onto newer and better things. This could mean anything, such as growing up thin and gorgeous. Years go by and now you've gained more weight than you like, eyes have become dull and wrinkly skin has formed in the corners of your eyes, forehead, arms and almost your entire body. Maybe you're blaming yourself for not earning as much money or for not being able to get the same level of love, appreciation or attention from other people. It could be anything—even a passion that ignited a fire in your life that has gradually faded over time. (Mind you, I am not saying that if you picked pile three you have to be old enough to be worrying about wrinkles or having to make more money from the previous year, any age group could pick this. School, family and mental/physical illnesses can be factors as well not just time itself.) Two of Swords also brings up a different point, that highlights being at a standoff with decision-making. Pile three, did you make a lot of decisions based off of what someone else told you was better or what would best suit someone else? Two of swords displays a lot of lack of self-assurance and I think that part of your fulfillment that's displayed from Downcast Pride roots from not being more assertive in your own personal decisions. The High Priestess is a very spiritual card, and as it is included in the spread's earlier sections, I interpret this to mean that either an inner wisdom has been present but has been clouded by the lack of purpose and achievement. You have potential, but with all this chaotic energy, you have suppressed a lot of this fulfillment. Even after all this time has passed and you still feel as though you are in the same place in life. How come you never knew or tried to figure out what you wanted to do? You're not content and have felt like happiness and fulfillment hasn't been present in life. Pile three, it has to feel devastating for you.

Another way that I’m reading the high priestess is that the high priestess is all about our inner calling and inner wisdom. Based on the other two cards, I would say that this is what is blocking off all this magical, inner wisdom being brought up. Meaning, we must solve our own issues to let our inner voice be shined. Seek assistance from anyone or any place that might help you becoming more aware of your inner reality.

You also got the Son of Cups and Judgement reversed. Which just reinforces what I said the previous paragraph. Son of Cups represents a charming and idealistic person that everyone loves and desires. Whilst Judgement reversed is highlighting missed opportunities and failure. Failure to be the Sun of Cups. Failure to grow past who you used to be.

Mourn your past. Accept it’s not with you anymore. Move on so you can grow. I am aware it’s easier said than done, but it still needs to be addressed.

Lamenting over who you wish you still were, or where you want to be is rather pointless. Stop wishing for something thats now unattainable for you. Look for the new you, answers and solutions for yourself. Morph into something better so that the old you would’ve been jealous of new present you. When you think about it, it’s actually good that some things cannot be changed because then there’s a plethora of options for growth and numerous outcomes for who we can be.

Now, I pulled Father of Swords, for advice for you to help you work through accepting your shadow self. This card is pretty straightforward, Father of Swords is a very authoritative and is someone who strives onward. He’s also someone who’s very logical and knows that in order for blessings we have to work and set ourselves up for blessings. He does what he has to do to get to where he wants to be. He dosn’t live in the past, he lives in the present while working for the future. Spirt wants me to tell you to do the same so you can work through your repression of your shadow.

[dreaming-of-barbi]

That's so fucked up that people are romantizing Franco, because even Red Barrels are showing him as a total creep and disgusting person. In Outlast Tag I have a feeling that some artists are making him completly different character, making him charming/safe/lovely. I even have seen some people who were drawing him with normal face (without big forehead) and you couldn't tell them that it's the right character design! I feel like Franco enjoyers are more agressive than fans of other Outlast character. Even with Coyle/Eddie simps they seem to understand that they are evil and they murder others, but with Franco I feel like they can take it when someone tell them that he's grown up, murder people in very brutal way and his voice lines are just disgusting... it really seems that people are getting agressive only because someone tell some shit about 🎀✨️Franco🎀✨️. I know his fans isn't the only one that have stick in their ass (cause I seen a lot of shit bout Coyle/Big Grunts/Easterman etc.) but yall need to understand that FRANCO IS A GROWN ASS MAN and you would run for your life if you'd meet someone in irl as 1% fucked up as he is. Saying that he's just a Baby and he made nothing wrong is just 🤮 and problem is in yall if you justificate him and things he made.

idk how to tell you this ,,,, but this game is fictional. The characters are fictional. You're free to feel however you want about them, just like I and anyone else is.

I partially agree with the part about changing his appearance to make him look more "normal" or whatever, but at the same time people are allowed to interpret their favs however they want to. They can draw / write for him however they want to. I don't like "fixing" his face, just because it (personally) feels like saying "he's too ugly", but again, that's just me. As an artist, I know that people are going to have different interpretations of a character I like. It's just part of other people existing in the world. Not everyone thinks like you do, and that's okay.

Do you know how many posts I saw (and STILL see) about Eddie Gluskin, doing essentially the same thing as what you said people do with Franco?? That man would cut you open to "make a baby in you" no hesitation and people still ""romanticize"" him (me fuckin included I LOVE YOU EDDIE). Its just part of liking fucked up characters, some people are going to want to make them more "normal".

Personally, I see the normalization as more like wanting to give him some normalcy in his life, because of his past / lore. I love the idea of letting Franco have a normal life, be a normal person. A life where he never had to deal with the stupid Mafia stuff, had a decent father and never ran into Murkoff, having a normal, happy life. But, I also seriously adore his original, fucked up character.

Honestly, who actually cares if people are "justifying" his actions??? None of them are real. He is not real. I have never understood the sentiment that you have to make sure people know you don't justify a fictional characters actions... they are not real. It's not a real person. None of the things he did happened.

Maybe it's just me, but I would not run from someone like him. That's not some edge lord "im so evil and dark" bs but because of my real life experiences. Been with and around people in my life / family who are quite like him and I didn't run.

I imagine some of us are using it as a sort of coping mechanism, because (at least for me) some of us dealt with people who treated us like he would. Though, that's getting into personal territory, and I won't try and speak for others.

All I can really say is either learn that not everybody's going to have the same ideas as you or block the tag. Sorry if that's too harsh a response, but life is too short to really give that much of a fuck about someone /something other people like.

And I've said this before but this is literally Outlast, all of the characters are this fucked up, it's not just him.

Like does no one remember Outlast 2??? Does no one remember the pile of dead burnt babies, or the hundreds of other fucked up things in that game?? I really feel like Franco does not compare.

So, can we please just be over with this now? I mean, drama is totally fun and I love it, but I can imagine others don't.

[whoiwanttoday]

Hey guys, it is @wildflagsure birthday today and last night she demanded I make a "really good" post for her for her birthday. She can't help it, she's from Greece but lives in the UK and what I have heard is immigrants there are always coming in and demanding things, it's why as a country they decided to set their economy on fire, because if you make your little island completely unlivable then no one will want to move there. Not that tactic I would have taken but then I try not be a hateful bigot, so who am I to talk? Anyway, besides blaming @wildflagsure for all of England's problems (and like… where was she when they lost the Empire? She can't account for her whereabouts) I do want to celebrate her birthday. By talking about myself. I mean, it is my blog, I tagged her twice, I am not sure how much more giving a person can be. I'll drive literally tens of people to her dead blog. Anyway, my favorite thought about Andi, which I will call her from here out because first I am tired of tagging and second I think it looks cooler with the E not on it but also it's short for Antigone and I can change a T to a D for a friend but I'll be dead and buried before I leave off the apostrophe if you insist on shortening Antigone to Anti'e. Anyway, my favorite thought is when she was doing a small radio show live (and doing it wrong, rather than use the service that paid for the songs rights they just played shit off of spotify because literally no one cared) I used to listen every week cause it was fun to support her but also she likes good music. There was a listener request form and I used to submit requests. I did this for a few reasons. One, I learned on tumblr every single person in the world wants more asks. It is exciting and makes them feel special. Also, by sending multiple requests or messages a show it meant they would seem very popular to other listeners and you know, fake it till you make it, that way everyone else would go, "Wow, these guys must be more famous than I realized. I should tell my friends to listen and also send in requests". And then, obviously, I like to control women and tell them what to do, so it was a real rush to send in a song title and then make her do it. Anyway, there was a time when the person she did it with referred to me as, "Our fan". And that got a snap back of, "Actually, is MY friend". It was very defensive and I appreciated that in part it came from the fact that her cohost was trying to diminish me in a way that person liked to do and Andi was willing to stand up and protect me even though honestly, I didn't care. She did, that mattered. I mean, there was a lot going on there because her cohost was one of those lowkey monsters you meet in your late teens and early 20's who you find compelling because you are too young to know better but also because you are insecure and the fact that they have absolutely no moral center is appealing because it sure must be nice to not be insecure and upset and worried about things all the time. Andi eventually moved on, don't worry. Actually, it's really cool to see that she has matured into just a totally cool as fuck lesbian bad ass. I mean, she was always those things but now she has the confidence and a really cool life that she always was going to have but I bet she was unaware of. Like, she has her own place, she has a hot girlfriend, she eats cool meals, and she can get you any drugs you want. It's pretty cool.

Anyway, today I am posting Georgia Ellenwood because in my experience Andi loves Olympic Athletes. She always goes on that she's glad someone is honoring Zeus properly. Now, sadly, Georgia Ellenwood is not going to the Olympics this year because she is still recovering from an injury. That kind of thing is always sad, athletes only have so many chances but I think she has a good future ahead of her even outside of sports because she is charming and friendly and well… looks like she does. It's not hard to imagine her being successful doing other things. And even if she felt like a good pick today because even if she isn't going to the Olympics I am willing to bet @wildflagsure would be willing to burn down a second island nation to sleep with her. Today I want to fuck Georgia Ellenwood.

[simplegenius042]

Music Monday

Tagging @inafieldofdaisies @icecutioner @derelictheretic @shallow-gravy @voidika @socially-awkward-skeleton @shellibisshe @direwombat @strangefable @rhettsabbott @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @imogenkol @cloudofbutterflies92 @skoll-sun-eater @cassietrn @carlosoliveiraa @adelaidedrubman @g0dspeeed @wrathfulrook @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @aceghosts @turbo-virgins @raresvtm @softtidesworld @starsandskies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @florbelles @titiagls @minilev @yokobai @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @justasmolbard @alypink @thesingularityseries @nightwingshero and @noodlecupcakes + anyone else who'd like to join.

Songs for The Silver Chronicles, Life, Despair & Monsters and Wings And Horns respectively. You can find the songs below the cut:

Elsa Omar is Silva's younger sister, they both managed to escape to America together along with an infant Persephone, where Elsa would have quite the reputation in Hope County, but they'd have around two or three years of peace before Elsa perishes in an accident. Ezekiel is Thomas Rush's future Captain in Security in Old Dusk, and has a rebel attitude towards authority he does not respect. However, back on the Archipiélagos, Elsa was the damsel-in-relative-distress lying and manipulating her piece of shit father as she shared info with the local rebellion about the Congregation's patrols and whatnot, while Ezekiel was an orphaned Tumultite street kid who looked up to the likes of Alvarich and Paul, despite being very anti-authoritarian in general. When these two first met... they hated each other. But hate turned to grudging respect. Respect turned to horrified crushing. Crush turned into deflecting by flirting. And that annoyed everyone else. Even 26 years after he last saw her alive, Ezekiel still yearns for his star-crossed love. And I think this song definitely describes how much their connection may as well have been fated, even if it was for a short time.

"I don't mean to be so uptight But my heart's been hurt a couple times By a couple guys that didn't treat me right I ain't gonna lie, ain't gonna lie 'Cause I'm tired of the fake love, show me what you're made of Boy, make me believe." "Whoa, hold up, girl, don't you know you're beautiful? And it's easy to see."

"If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be So won't you ride with me, ride with me? See where this thing goes If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby if it's meant to be

So come on, ride with me, ride with me See where this thing goes So come on, ride with me, ride with me Baby if it's meant to be."

"Maybe we do." "Maybe we don't." "Maybe we will Maybe we won't.

But if it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be Baby, just let it be ("Sing it baby")* If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be ("Come on") Baby, just let it be." ("Let's go!")

[*Changed the word to "baby" instead of leaving it as "Bebe"]

Cecil Royce is the daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce, conceived after a drunk night of hate sex. Cecil, unlike her cousins, does not hold any admiration towards her father. Throughout The Thorned Crown Of Iron Thrones, Cecil is particularly hostile towards Daemon, and pretty much rejects the Targaryen name and practices in favour of her mother's. Though after the "accidental" death of her mother, she is put underneath Daemon's care... and he honestly tries his best. Through many trials, and many errors, as well as very slow-paced bonding experiences and the apparent mutual agreement that Rhaenyra should be heir to the Iron Throne, they manage to get along, and find in themselves an actual father-daughter bond suited for two rogue Targaryens. Until of course Cecil learns from him that he murdered her mother... and unlike Daemon, Cecil actually loved and looked up to Rhea. A bond fractures and there's just this uneasiness between them that stays long after the first fic ends and the second fic begins. How does "Summertime Sadness" fit into all of this? While the song itself is a yearning for the loss of a lover, here the context is Cecil's conflicted grief and yearning after the loss of Daemon, when he buys her time to fight the Court King, where he is knowingly severely outmatched and slain in the encounter. Despite the fractures in their relationship, Cecil can't really get over the fact that, while Daemon was no where close to perfect, he was her father, and the bond they had combined with the sacrifice he made is something can't help but grieve over.

"Oh, my God, I feel it in the air Telephone wires above are sizzlin' like a snare Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere Nothin' scares me anymore (One, two, three, four)

Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That, baby, you the best

I got that summertime, summertime sadness Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh-oh, oh

Think I'll miss you forever Like the stars miss the sun in the mornin' sky Later's better than never Even if you're gone, I'm gonna drive, drive, drive

I got that summertime, summertime sadness Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh-oh, oh."

Wouldn't It Be Nice if Metatron and Xiang could just sit down and get along for a few moments while looking past their species prejudices and work on agreeing that something needs to be done about the Soulmate System, because it's definitely malfunctioning? Said by Azriel and Jezebel as they "fight" while their caretakers are getting deep into that steel on steel, sword on bullet action.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldn't have to wait so long And wouldn't it be nice to live together In the kind of world where we belong?

You know it's gonna make it that much better When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up In the morning when the day is new? After having spent the day together Hold each other close the whole night through

But happy times together we've been spending I wish that every kiss was never ending Oh, wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true And, baby, then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do Oh, we could be married (Oh, we could be married) And then we'd be happy (And then we'd be happy) Oh, wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it It only makes it worse to live without it But let's talk about it Oh, wouldn't it be nice?

Goodnight, oh baby Sleep tight, oh baby Goodnight, oh baby Sleep tight, oh baby Goodnight, oh baby Sleep tight, oh baby!"

[onskepa]

Hiii,I got a request.

So one of the dynamics I'm really interested in seeing in the next movie is the one between Neytiri and Spider.

So the plot would be something like they go to gather some herb that can only be found in a small crevice,so Mo’at asks Spider to retrieve it for her. Since everyone is occupied and the plant is far from the village, Mo’at asks Neytiri to take him there, and after a small argument of being against it, she does.

Only for some reason, they swap species (maybe some plant is at fault for that), like Neytiri turns human and Spider turns na’vi, but only them and no one else.

They go and hide in a shack that's close to them ( or somewhere)  so no one sees them, so they spend the day together, and they have a heart to heart conversation.

They have a newfound understanding of each other after all of this, and while not on super amicable terms yet, they start getting there.

When they wake up the next day they have changed back (Neytiri consoling Spider a bit cause he had everything he wanted just for a bit, but he also is happy for her at the same time)

Helloooooooo cutie patootie~!! Honestly this is a really cool idea to explore thoroughly. Now I know everyone has their own personal opnnions of how their relationship can go, or alternatives. BUT! This will be my version of how I think if might go. Hopfully this is yours and everyones satisfaction~!!

-------------

New body, fresh eyes

[cover made by meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!]

Another calm day at the relatively peaceful day in the Omatikaya forest. People doing their duties to the village, or relaxing and enjoying the beautiful day. It was tranquil, calm, and everyone can tell it will be a good day. Mo’at certainly does. There was not much to do on this bright day. So she decided to go out and collect some herbs as she is running low on some. 

So getting her baskets and needed tools, she makes her way through the village. Everyone she passes greets her with respect and joy. She likes seeing her people be in high spirits, it brings her mind at peace. 

“You are doing it wrong!”

“Kiri taught me! So I know I am doing it right!” 

“You are better off with those demons!” 

“Too bad! I'm here to stay!” 

Now if only mo’at can say the same for her inner family. 

“Can you two stop arguing for 5 minutes?” Jake asks as he groans in frustration. Lately neytiri and spider have been at each other's throats. More than usual. Rubbing his eyes, it's too damn early to deal with it. Don't get Jake wrong, he loves neytiri very much. So much, but at times her dislike for spider can be a bit much, even for him. 

And it is clear as day, everyone else is also getting tired too. 

“I'm literally just existing!” Spider shouts his excuse, waving his arms around as if to prove his point. 

Neytiri hisses and rolls her eyes. 

Mo’at sees this and joins Jake's side. Both share the same feelings of this ongoing dispute. This has to stop before it escalates even more. 

Mo’at doesn't hate the boy, she tolerates him and doesn't mind his presence. Would often welcome him to a light meal or show him some healing methods should he get hurt somewhere in the forest. 

Looking down at her basket, mo’at got an idea. 

So while neytiri and spider go for a round who knows how many of arguing, mo’at whispers in jake’s ear of her idea. And the more he listens, the more he is willing to comply.

“You cannot be serious! Both of you!” Neytiri shouts in anger. 

“Baby, you know I love you with all my heart and soul, but believe me, this is a good idea,” Jake says with his arms crossed, his stance showing he isnt going to back down. Mo’at stands beside him, her glare not changing. 

“She is going to end my life if we do this,” Spider says in a panicked/worried tone. He really doesn't want to do this, especially with neytiri. 

“Hush, it won't be a terrible experience. All you both have to do is go to the upper saves to collect the white shell flowers. I need you spider to go since you are small enough to enter, and neytiri I need you to make sure he comes to and back safely” mo’at instructs. 

But before either neytiri or spider begin to protest, Jake held his hand up as to silence them.

“It is decided, there is no way out of this. That is final”

Oh what could go wrong?

“Keep up!” Neytiri angrily demands, spider grunts as his feet are starting to sore. Ever since they left the village, Neytiri has been demanding him non-stop, telling him to hurry up, to not be slow or some animal will end him. Purposely walking faster and climbing on near impossible spots. Purposely making spider struggle more than he usually does. 

“I'm trying!” he shouts back as he climbs over a very big root. He hasn't felt this tired since race climbing with the other na’vi boys. And that was a long while ago. And to make things not so appealing, they are not even halfway to the destination. 

“Is this what uncle means by final destination…?” he thinks. 

If that is true, may Eywa grant him mercy and join her in the afterlife.

“Are you done being dramatic?” Neytiri asks suddenly, interrupting his thoughts. 

She stood not far from him, clearly not amused. 

Quickly spider catches up to her, “nothing, how far are we?” he asks, “too far” neytiri asks annoyed. Inwardly sighing, he catches up, as fast he can't. This will be a long walk for sure.

“We are here” 

What felt like forever they finally made it to the upper caves. It really wasn't that far from the hallelujah mountains but it takes a bit to get to a really specific area. And that specific area was no easy task. But what matters now is they made it.

“Hurry up, get in!” Neytiri once again hisses and impatiently shoves spider in the small cave. Spider was quick to duck his head down so as to not hit himself against the rocky entrance. The baskets landed near his feet, so he grabbed them without a word. Going a bit deeper, he sees the beautiful glowing green flowers. 

According to what mo’at said, they needed to be very careful as the flowers can only function in the dark. Any beam of light hitting them and its over. So neytiri shoves some special baskets that are weaved very tightly and no light can get past it. 

But also….

“How many did the tsahik say to get?” spider asks to neytiri. The na’vi in question paused for a moment. Did her mother specify how much to get? Little or a lot? Damn. 

“Enough to fill the baskets” she said in a snappy tone. 

“Yes ma’am…” so spider gets onto it. As he gently plucks the flowers, a bit of the nectar escaped from the bud and leaked onto his hands. Smearing his fingers a bit, it was sticky yet warm at the same time. Made his hands glow a bit. 

“What is taking so long!? Hurry it up in there! We won't make it back before dark!” neytiri screeches. Her time with spider grows increasingly thin. She just wanted to get it done and over with. Being near him makes neytiri’s skin prickle and shudder. 

“Puny demon…” she mutters under her breath. Looking down, the roots that connect the small cave to the base aren't that thick. Her blade is sharp enough to cut them. If she manages to grab the baskets, she can cut the roots and spider can be stuck in the air. Forever maybe….

“Ok I think this is enough” spider comments to himself. Collecting the baskets, he triple checks they are sealed very tightly and slings them over his back. “I need a bath after this…” looking down at his glowing hands, and some parts of his body, the nectar was all over him. Spider did try to not have any flower leak as he plucked them but it was inevitable. 

“I'm coming!” he shouts, letting the echos reach neytiri’s ears as he makes his way to the exit of the cave. And just as he was about to come out, the sudden reach for the baskets surprised him. “Give them to me” neytiri demons, her eyes glaring daggers at him. Harshly she tried to yank them out of her grasp but spider was pulling back. Scared of whatever her motive is. 

“Stop! You are going to rip the baskets!!” he warns her but it has fallen on deaf ears. The na’vi was pulling them so hard, he worried the weaving will become undone, so using the still wet nectar, he smeared it all over neytiri’s face. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” she yells. Tring to get the nectar out of her eyes while holding onto spider, she was losing balance. 

“No no no!!” 

Without warning, both began to fall from the small cave. Flying down fast, yells of panic and fear. They fell down to the forest, only to be hitting the flat grounds and instantly being knocked out.

Neytiri awoke to a burning, unbearable pain coursing through her body. Mostly at her throat. She can't break, why can't she breathe? It hurts so much! Her vision was blurry but even trying to open her eyes, she felt a slight stinging to them. She needed air and fast! Looking at her surroundings, she saw spider’s mask laying on the floor, maybe that could help? 

Crawling towards it, feeling the strength in her body weaken by the second. Quickly putting it on, she took deep breaths, calming her heart. 

After a few minutes, her full consciousness became present. Why did Neytiri need the boy’s mask? How was it that it fit her face? 

Looking down at her hands, her body, her hair, she screamed her soul out. 

Spider woke up startled, looking around to find the source of the blood curdling scream. He turned to see a human woman. She was panicking while looking down at her body. He had never seen her before but he couldn't leave her to her madness. 

“Hey hey, it's ok, it's ok, is your mask broken?” he suddenly asks while raising his hands but he noticed something…….

His hands were blue…his arms, legs, body, touching his ears, they were pointy. Was he….?

“Spider?!” the human woman called out to him, but hearing neytiri’s voice….?

“Neytiri….?” he calls out, she nodded. 

Both now silent, taking in each other’s appearance…..

Neytiri is human. And spider is na’vi. 

“Oh my Eywa….”

“OH MY EYWA!! OH MY-I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP!!” spider says in his midst of panic. It is like he can't seem to fully comprehend what is happening. Here he is, standing at 10 '12 ft tall, with a tail, four fingers, and blue all over. 

“Please don't '' neytiri who isn't far from him begs. She was rocking back and forth trying to understand what happened. Her skin is deep tan, dark tones, her hair now wavy and standing at a good 5’7 ft tall. No tail, 5 fingers, round ears, and no stripes. Even she is trying not to vomit. 

Trying to be the adult between them, she gets up but notices something. She is naked, her na’vi clothing is too big for her. 

“Look…we must find some proper garments……and find shelter soon. It is getting dark” she says. 

Spider stops his mid life crises and listens to her. Looking down, he sees her point.

“Woa, this is incredible!” spider shouts in great glee! He can smell everything! He can see better, climb higher, run faster! He felt invincible at the moment. This is what he always dreamed of, always hoped to be. A true na’vi. No more silly mask, no more sleeping in the labs, no more risking his life to simple foods in the wilderness. He felt free. 

Neytiri on the other hand felt stuck. The mask was itchy, it was uncomfortable. She doesn't have the same amount of strength. Everything was too big or too high, climbing was hard, running even harder. Gets tired easily, and can't even enjoy her favorite fruit anymore! Is this what it is like for humans? Always tired? Danger everywhere? Is this what felt like being trapped?

“Don't you think maybe this could be something from Eywa?” spider asks, rather a bit tired but wondering behind their current situation. “Is she punishing us…?” He wonders more. Neytiri, who was sitting across from him, the fire pit in the middle of their small shelter. She narrows her eyes, the light of the fire reflecting in her eyes. 

“Don't be so ridiculous, why would she punish me? I have done nothing wrong” she replies in a rather stand-offish way. If spider still had his eyebrows, he would raise them.

Did nothing wrong?” he repeats but more as a question. 

He starts to count with his fingers, “you insult me, you belittle me, you bully me! You HATE me! When all I have done is try to live my life”. 

Neytiri glares at him, if she could hiss, she would. 

“You dare come to my home, my village, my FAMILY! Dressing as if you were one of us!” 

“I am now,” he smirks. 

“Bah!” she scoffs, “whatever this is, don't think it will be forever!” 

“But what if it is? What if this is our new life? Me na’vi, you human?” spider questions. If it is true, he could life as a omatikaya. He could spend more time with kiri, lo’ak, spend more time and be one with the village. He could-

“Then I wouldn't be with my family….” neytiri whispers…..the horror crawling into her mind. If she is forever human, that means she would have to be with the other humans…away from her mate, away from her children! To be away from her home is wrong. To not be able to hunt or share a simple kiss would risk her life. This is like a cage in her own body. And to rely on the stupid mask…no she couldn't. 

“Neytiri…..why do you hate me…?” spider asks, bringing back the topic. 

Not making eye contact, rather staring at the fire, she slowly responds. 

“I dont hate you….I hate what you resemble…..that demon. That man. He took everything from me. When I see you, I see him. That is all I see. And I cannot look past him. I fear you would follow his trail. Resume what he could not finish. End me, ending my family. I cant…I belittle you, I say many things to you. I should not. I am aware. Yet my anger, my hate, my terrors. They overcome my vision. What I am supposed to see a child, all I can see is the darkness of my nights” 

Silence follows. The sparks of the fire filling it in. 

Neytiri’s words settled in spider’s mind.

“I always admired you…” spider suddenly spoke. 

He didn't look up, rather looking down at his hands. Busy creating something. 

“I always admired how strong you are. Despite losing everything…you remain strong, tough, fearless. And I always liked that. I liked how despite being hurt, you continue to fight. A mighty warrior is all I see. Yet you are a good mom. How you treat your kids….I always wanted a mom who can cuddle me, hold me, love me….I'm not saying I see you as a mother. But you are the closest thing to it. I am also scared of you…but I get mad. So mad that you treat me worse than all of the humans combined. All I ever wanted was just you to acknowledge me. That was all I ever wanted…” 

Neytiri didn't say anything. She only looks down at her hands. What can she say? Nothing, her answer was nothing. 

Sun rose and both were awake. Seeing that their new bodies are still there, they remain in the small shelter. 

“Ack!” neytiri groans in pain, she was trying to open a shell of a fruit but is struggling. 

“Need some help?” spider offers. 

“Im fine” neytiri snaps, not wanting to be bothered. So spider shrugs. But as he turned, he hissed in pain. Looking behind him, seems he stepped on his tail. Again. This will be taking some time to get used to. 

“OW!” 

“Ok let me show you” spider interjects neytiri. Though she is protesting, spider ignores that. “Here, with your small fingers you have to twist the top, not the bottom. It is easier and won't hurt” he instructs. Neytiri doesn't say anything, but does how he showed her. And the shell opened, showing the ripe fruit inside. She smiled in relief. She was so hungry. 

“Oh by the way, you cant eat that” spider says before she could take a bit. Raising an eyebrow, she questions him “and why not? I have always eatin this fruit”. 

“Yes, but you are human now. This fruit is not safe for humans. Eat if and you will have a bad reaction to it. Dont even test it, its not fun”..

So neytiri puts the fruit down. 

Damn.

“You are walking like a human,” neytiri points out. Spider tripped, again. Over his tail. Again. 

“If you still wish to keep your tail intact, dont drag on your legs behind, and dont mindlessly sway your tail side to side like some beast. Have proper manners” she goes on to say. 

Spider huffs, and getting up he follows her instructions. “You are na’vi now, so walk like one”. 

Carefully correcting his stand and pose, he tries again. “Hey look, I am-OW!” 

“What did I say?! You utter fool!”

“You pull the scales like this” neytiri instructs spider in how to removes the scales of some fishes they caught at a nearby river. Using her large blade, spider carefully does as she is teaching him. And as he does, neytiri was grinding some spices she managed to collect during their walk. 

“Add more of the red bark” spider comments. 

“Why?” 

“Because for the sake of your taste buds, it makes the fish meat be easier to consume” 

Back and forth, all day. Spider and neytiri help each other in getting used of their new bodies. New habits had to be learned, new styles and methods that can benefit the other. And all the while there was no yelling or harsh name calling. Things felt..ease. At peace. But for how long can this happen? Forever? 

Night came once again, and after a full meal, spider and neytiri rested. Spider taking in his hands, admiring his dots decorating his body. 

Neytiri does the same for her hair. 

“Here…..for you” spider whispers a bit shyly. He hands neytiri what looked like a headband. It was weaven together well. The weaving of the omatikaya. Beads embedded well with the blue hue. It was soft and the material looked to be well made. 

“Thank you….” she whispers. Putting it on, it fitted her perfectly. Of course not that she would admit. 

“Here….” this time neytiri hands spider tenbeads, four reds and two yellows. “Do what you like with them” she says. Spider gripped on the beads tightly. They felt nice and smooth on his palm. Seemed to be well carved and of good quality too. 

“Thank you…” he smiles. Cherishing his gift from her. Really the only act of kindless she has displayed to him. And by eywa he will keep it as a core memory until his last breathe. 

However, despite the gift exchange, there is still that looming worry. 

“It seems….this will be our new life now….me human, and you na’vi” neytiri says, sadness coating her words. 

“I now know it is not easy….to be human. I now know what challenges you must go throug spider….your struggles have ended….and now I will struggle but…..I accept. IF this is my new body forever…I accept” 

There. 

She admits it, neytiri finally admits it. 

Spider should feel happy, but he isnt. 

“As I accept…..being na’vi. Thanks to you, I now know it is not fully easy being na’vi either. So much noises…my tail, I love my tail but it has a mind of its own. But I accept I will be na’vi but…..it doesnt seem fair….” he says. 

Neytiri blinks, confused. 

“How is it not fair? You finally get to have the life you long desire” 

The boy bods, “Yes but…what if…the price to pay to life this life….the life I always wanted….comes at the cost of you? Arent you worried? Scared? You won't get to be with your family as much anymore. Having to eat shitty food, being indoors with all the technology you hate. It almost doesnt seem fair…” 

That is true…if neytiri must, she would be limited to all she has. 

“Nothing is really fair spider….but as you said…..if this is Eywa punishing….me. Then, I accept me punishment. My freedom in trade for yours…” 

Spider shook his head, “no, no that is not how it would end. I will gladly give up my na’vi body. I would go back to being human. I would give it all up, for you. You are a mother to 4 kids neytiri, they need you. They need you more than I need this body. IF Eywa can hear me, hear me now. I would gladly pay the price. My na’vi for neytiri’s humanity. I would!” 

By the bounds of all reality, the shell flowers from the forgotten baskets bursted out, and went straight towards them.

“I see them, look” mo’at smiles as she sees spider and neytiri coming to them. Jake sees as well, and smiles “I was starting to get worried”. 

And what a sight to hold on to. Spider and neytiri? Talking peacefully? Not screaming or yelling? 

“It seems it worked” jake comments. Mo’at nods, “of course, great mother always knows the right solution to any matter”

PHEW! This one took me a bit, wanted to get all the right words and emotions just right. But I am once again proud how it turned out! Thank you cutie for requesting this! Until next time! See ya!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I played the last game by myself? to find it-> 🎮👾🕹️

So I [26NB] and three of my friends have been playing this game series for a while now it’s been probably a little under a year at this point that we’ve been chugging through these games (there’s, I believe, five games in total with a spin off and each game has multiple parts/chapters). We’ve been setting aside a day every week depending on our work and life availability to play through it. Normally getting a chapter a night or half a chapter depending on the length. Of course not every week we can do it cause of life and that's totally fine.

A little extra info on the games because I find it relevant. So the first game I actually played by myself cause the other three started without me (this was their thing they planned and invited me into later when I showed interest in the game) and I spent that time working to catch up to where they were in the game so I could join them. I did have a lot of fun playing the game as the game play is just as fun as the story to me and even when I get stuck the walk throughs are really easy to read and helpful. I'm not known for my gaming and actually watch playthroughs for stuff instead of plaything them myself cause I just all around suck at video games but this is one of the few games I like playing personally.

Once I played through the first game I hopped onboard the group plays with the other three to hang out and play together. Two of the friends have already played the whole series (lets call ‘em Lucy and Zeref) and know all the story where me and the third friend (let's call them Gray) didn't know anything at all about the series before we started playing. Part of the joy of these games for the both of us is getting to experience the exciting story in real time. As these games actually have a fairly large following and are pretty popular but some how both of us have gone most our lives with little to no spoilers for the series. This game is also full of crazy twists and turns that are VERY exciting to experience live.

Because of this fact I've also spent so much effort and time staying away from spoilers but still trying to interact with the fandom which is where not impossible just kinda frustrating cause there's a lot of art and fics and convos I'm missing out of because of it. I've even made another friend outside of this small group who ALSO likes these games but we don't talk about them much cause they're afraid of spoiling things for me by accident. Which, while very kind of them, is also in it's own way kinda frustrating.

We are currently on the fourth game and, honestly I've been thinking about just playing the last game and the spin off by myself at this point. There's two reasons for this. The first is that the games are just dragging on far too much to be fun anymore for me. I think it’s a mix of the fact that this fourth game is apparently one of, if not the, longest in the series and also that because of scheduling changes our weekly get togethers are much shorter now. Both of these factors causing us to take much longer to get through the chapters and this game. It’s really making it much harder to enjoy and even my roommate last week said I looked really tired and seemed burnt out during the session. It also doesn’t help that these meetups are online so I also don’t get to physically play the game myself and I can’t just ask to have the controller for a bit cause all of us are states away. 

The other part to this is that, honestly, me and these friends have not been talking as much. Something happened around the time we started the fourth game where I had a bunch of huge life changing events happen to me and I was severely depressed and grieving because of it. Due to some mixed up emotions on all sides and miscommunication, we had a hiccup in our friendship. There was a moment where I was genuinely scared of losing them but we talked it out like adults and things were better. However, ever since then it really does feel like the three of them talk a lot less to me now. I, at first, believed it was just my imagination. I do have some issues with my perception of reality due to mental heath but I always keep a very strong foot on the ground and go to people when I really feel like I can’t tell if I’m being crazy or not. So I chalked it up to me having a Moment(™) and just kept on like nothing was wrong. I even threw myself into DMs and out a lot more to try and make up for it. Instead of hiding away and being sad I tried to get them to interact with me more by really engaging in our friendships and chats. Unfortunately this hasn’t really helped the feeling of growing separation and light (possibly even unconscious) ignoring on their parts and I’m really feeling weighed down by it these days. It’s making these sessions even harder for me because no matter how much fun I have with them it makes the silence outside of the calls even more hollow and gut wrenching. 

A while back I did actually go to Gray and talk about my feelings mostly towards the way us playing the game is taking so long and causing burn out, and even suggested that instead of leaving the game nights completely, just playing the rest of them on my own and still hopping in with them when they do it. Gray was really sad with this cause they really enjoyed how both of us were going in blind together and they didn’t wanna be the only one who didn’t know anything while everyone else did. I understand that and felt really bad so I kept playing with them as a group. But the above feelings just got worse and worse. 

To top it off, Lucy has stopped coming to the game nights all together and I don’t really know why. As far as I’m aware they haven’t said anything at least not publicly in our chat about it and I didn’t feel it my place to pry. They also just haven’t been talking in the chat at all which feels extra bad cause I’ve always felt closest to Lucy and Gray at the end of the day. I’ve been chatting with Lucy in DMs here and there and they never seem disinterested in our conversation or like they no longer wanna be friends or anything. But it’s still really saddening as I am not really the DM type of person and am better at interacting in group chats and the like. So I feel like our already dying friendship is just going down hill faster. 

I just really wanna play the games and get it over with. I miss being able to play them physically and these game nights are starting to just worsen my mood as we go. I’m really not sure what to do cause I know Gray (and probably Zeref a little too) will be real upset if I drop out completely or if I play ahead of them. A part of me almost thought about playing the games in secret and pretending like I didn’t to spare their feelings and still make it fun for them and relieve all this stress off myself which I don’t know if that would be better or worse

What are these acronyms?

[the-other-art-blog]

What do you think about the theories going around that they might announce Benedict to be bi by the end of this season? His character has always had queer undertones and the show runners have talked about making more stories with lgbtq inclusivity. As much as I love Sophie, I really don’t think they’re going to include a female lead next season

My short answer is: I've heard the rumors and even if they announce Ben as bi, he's still marrying Sophie. They already skipped Ben season, they're not going to change his story completely.

My long (really long) answer is:

I truly believe that Benedict wasn't supposed to be anything but straight. People saw him hanging out with ONE gay man, who was very much in love with another gay man, and decided he must be gay or bi too. It didn't matter that he went right to a threesome with 2 women. That storyline was merely to show Benedict how difficult life could be for some people and to stop being so judgmental and hypocritical. In the end, it was about SOPHIE BECKETT.

Bton team must have decided to keep Benedict's future open so as not to cause problems with the side of the fandom and press who would call them for supposedly queerbaiting. They consciously decided to pair him up with a woman in s2 and his poem was about a woman (another foreshadowing for SOPHIE BECKETT).

With Jess as the new showrunner, I think she decided to address Ben's sexuality and open a door for bisexuality to appease some people.

Let me just say that a lot of Benophies including me have embraced the idea of bisexual Ben, you just have to read fanfiction to see that. I am just concerned that certain people will be nasty to Sophie because they want Ben to marry a man.

I also don't think that a show whose main audience is women would erase a female lead. That would just be absolutely stupid.

They might experiment with secondary characters, but not the leads.

I'M TALKING POSSIBLE SPOILERS NOW!!!!!

I have heard about a threesome between Tilley, Benedict, and a man name Paul Suarez(?) We saw him in the trailer.

I've heard various versions. It seems Lady Tilley arranges the meeting, but I'm unsure if Ben agrees. Some people say he declines the offer. So, even if he is attracted to men, which he has never indicated in any shape or form, she is not ready to go physical. This is fine, bisexuality doesn't mean you MUST sleep with both sexes.

And honestly, if he does it, I wouldn't blame him. That man is gorgeous.

But again, it's pretty obvious that this is just to appease people. But really they are setting everything up for Benophie. There have been direct references to events from that book:

Violet moving out of Bridgerton house

Benedict losing his art

Benedict being an asshole to debutantes

All the mentions of Benedict excellent dancing skills

She's coming. SOPHIE BECKETT is coming.

Even more, they won't change canon couples because this is a business decision. The books are being republished with a tv tie-in cover. Let's say that Ben gets a male love interest, how would they do that cover? Are they going to bring a random woman to pose for him? It's the same for the other books, and some of them are too specific in the titles. Philip is going to be Eloise's husband in the show because the book is called To SIR PHILIP with Love, same for When HE Was Wicked, and It's in HIS Kiss.

[reilleclan-blog]

They are just dancing ur honor

YEAH THE DANCE WITH DEATH or OF DEATH

um i genuinely love this series i think the devs made a game not to "hype up" their main character which a lot of games and story telling does, but they made a game about changing and perspective and I respect them a lot for that. B/c these are just ppl trying to survive not superheroes or op characters. Not that there's anything wrong with stories like that i just think stories like that have gotten old.

So yes Ellie changes Abby changes but I still love the characters a lot , at times I wished Ellie stayed with Dina but I'm like maybe that's just what she needed to do to finally change/let go of the past and further more forgive Joel. It was heartbreaking to see Ellie leave Dina cause I loved their dynamic and how often does unrequited love work out lol. But I don't blame either one for their choices I was upset with Ellie but it is what it is. It makes me think like "yes this person has changed but they are still the person I knew. So do I want to keep them in my life or let them go" kinda thing.

And all power to the audience but I think ppls discourse of the game was a little biased. Everyone hated Abby which yes she killed Joel. (Oh yeah and everyone was being transphobic and homophobic in general) and then a lot of ppl were mad Ellie didn't kill Abby(this is just a lot of shit I saw ppl complain about when the story was first released) but no one really talked EVER about a lot of the symbolisms or "coincidences" that happen thru the game.

Like the switch blade and little Ottie the elephant(i think that's its name) symbolizing the innocence of a child and showing Ellie whos changed and had to kill over the years

Or the fact that Abby is shown in a Halloween store on the "Seattle day 1"(when showing Abby after Joel's death) reminding me of the left behind dlc and they play around in a Halloween store . Or the parallels of Owen and Abby's relationship to Ellie and Riley when they were younger. And one friend wanting to explore but the other is trying to go back home.

Ellie and Abby both having tank tops on during their final fights lol not that important but yah. There's more but that's all I can remember right now I gotta play the rest of this game on grounded I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked playing that shit. I ususally play on story mode cause I want to enjoy the story lol but sometimes I know I can play on normal I just don't be feeling like it.

I'd honestly give this series a 10/10 it was amazing to experience very heavy subjects and topics talked about mostly is revenge worth it or how much are u willing to change for it.

Also Abby being so caring for the two young Seraphites was so nice to see her being "motherly" and sweet to them but also gruff with the way she talked. And honestly I got a soft spot for Abby idk is it the muscles? Lol and I saw someone say Dina carried her relationship with Ellie I'd say "yes and no" I think they had a lot of "let's clear the air" but never did that b/c Ellie probably didn't want to talk about it and/ or they weren't ready to talk about it. And Ellie was trying so hard to act like nothing was wrong but it clearly was wrong. So yes they were happy together but couldn't let go. I said this already but Ellie was like a warrior that couldn't leave the battlefield cause that's all she was used to. But she didn't really "try" to be happy either. All the killing and murder and brain trauma I doubt a couple months would cure u of the fucked up shit. Trying to heal from trauma takes tim on e but she didn't really give herself that either .. so idk

Also I woke up to a pic of Ellie's leather strap shotty having 20 ppl interact with it so thank u I didn't think much of the post lol I did like the pic a lot tho. I think it's just tlou stuff is super popular either way thanks

This is a lil jokey joke but THEY HAD TO NERF ABBY JUST FOR THESE MFS TO EVEN STAND A CHANCE AGAISNST HER THAT IS SO FUNNY TO ME. ELLIE GOT A DAMN BLADE FIGHTINF A MALNURISHED ABBY BRUH. Lol Abby was just so cold and cool I loved her bruh. But on god if Dina had died cause of Ellie idk if I could've forgiven her character lmao.

Also please I don't care about shipping ship whoever u like I really don't care I don't want to see ppl arguing about ships please. I liked Dina and Ellie but that don't mean I wasn't sad for Jessie losing his girl he clearly still liked Dina lol. I'm just saying I'm very neutral when it comes to shipping characters don't argue with me argue with ya mama

[scummy-writes]

Scum talks about OCs

In this I'm just going to go over my Ocs in sections of their own. I'm not really using a special Oc template, I'm just talking about them and what fics they appear in, because to be blunt, I do write 'reader inserts', but some fics are written with these ocs in mind even if they're not detailed out specifically.

I'm just chatting about for fun, this will not change how I write currently. I would not expect fanfics about these characters specifically.

Amélie - Drawn by @beni-draw-ikemen-please. (Full picture is her in a chair with Isaac sittin on the arm of it, and Arthur resting his head on her lap <3 I love it)

Anju, made with a Picrew here. I think her expression is a bit too gentle here, and she would mainly wear warmer yellows or cool toned blues, not the shirt in the image.

SS from Prince of my WIP OC for it, since she's fuckin impossible to make on picrews. Her current name is Constance.

I am honestly surprised people showed some interest in this, so bear with me through my bumbling please. A lot of these say 'mc' but they are 'reader insert' fics still. Previous fandoms had 'mc' interchangable with 'reader' so...

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, just know I might not have all the answered.

╰❧ Amélie

Amélie has been around for a few years, and Beni has been a saint for letting me comm her to draw her. Because of this, I was able to make a character profile for her Here. Additionally, a much older one Here that details some vague things about her past, and including her past with Sebastian (Childhood friends).

-> Fanfics she has been 'in': Breathless Discoveries (Isaac/Mc), Mental Gravity (Isaac/Mc), Blessed Accidents (Isaac/Mc), Exercise in Restraint (Isaac/Mc), Temptations (Arthur/Mc), A Helping Hand (Arthur/Mc), His (Theo/Mc), Playful Punishments [vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Midnight Impulses [Vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Musings (Isaac/Mc), Oral Prompt with Isaac, First Steps (Isaac/Mc), The Talk (Isaac/Mc), The Shirt Thief (Isaac/Mc), Isaac Overworking (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Awkward Dates (Isaac/Mc), and likely some other small drabbles I have missed...!

─❧ Summary: (Brief mentions of abuse/SA/Trauma but not explicit details)

A lot of her general background is covered in the second character profile I linked above. It sounds vague, and well! That is because it is a bit traumatic. I don't want to gloss over the fact that she has been through a lot, primarily SA, but I don't like focusing entirely on it to where that is the Only thing about her. Her previous job was ... an 'idol'? I never fleshed it out fully, due to self embarassment, but I wanted her to be a singer with a 'small' following, who got connected with shitty producers and signed a contract way too young without understanding the full implications of it, which caused most of her money to not actually be Hers. Due to her parents strongly against her career choice, going as far as rushing a contract ended up having her cut off from her family. With Sebastian gone, her support network disappeared completely.

She Vaguely goes over this in Patchworked Pieces (be mindful of tags), which was supposed to be a full fanfic detailing her story, but I am not meant for long fanfics at all so I posted what scenes I had typed enough with. on the chapter On Failed Attempts, she details a bit more of her experiences.

How she met Comte was through the normal opening of visiting the muesuem. She did it under distress and wanting a distraction, she was weighing options and considing some pretty awful things! I like to think Comte could tell she was beside herself and trying to calm down a little. I like to think he could sense the distress and the thing she was contemplating, and led her back to the mansion.

Which! Is rocky. She's terrified of everyone, until she sees Sebastian, and he helps ease her into her mansion life. She never tells Sebastian what she went through, due to worries and fears that he would manage to blame himself. So in her story, he never finds out.

Isaac is the primary person who knows some details, but not everything. She'd tell both him and Arthur some bare minimums, just so that when things got intimate, her panic attacks for 'random' reasons wouldn't make them believe it was because of them.

As for how they all entangle with each other? Well... Amélie is not what brings them together, necessarily.

Before she arrives, Arthur attempts to get close to Isaac. It is platonic at first, perhaps he had a crush on him but waves it off. But alcohol is introduced, they start 'drinking' together (Isaac is still a lightweight so he barely builds up his tolerance, mostly keeps Arthur some company), and...They get too tipsy and adventurous with each other. Arthur gets ashamed immediately. Not out of doing things with another man, because it was clear he was using Isaac to get over some trauma. So he avoids, hides, and their friendship crumbles.

And after that is when Amélie stumbles into the mansion.

Her friendship with Isaac is the most prevelant. And after getting on a better start with Arthur, they end up slowly getting entangled with each other. Isaac, unfortunately, deals with the brunt of her panic attacks. Finds scars, attempts to heal them.

It's through healing that they all twine together. Helping each other face their traumas, face what happened between them all.

Ironically, her love for singing was bounced in and out of the story. I wanted a few scenes where she tries to play in one of the many secluded rooms in the mansion- finds an old piano while cleaning, places a few notes. But I don't think she'd be able to any time soon. I think she would need a break for a year or two, before she started exploring music again. Or anything super creative.

I like to imagine that she is friends with a majority of the residents. When she is faring better, she paints with Leonardo and Vincent. She listens to Mozart play, reads what Dazai and Arthur write, so on so forth. I want her to live in a house with Arthur and Isaac, later on, visiting the mansion weekly or every two weeks, happy with her new life.

Sometimes I pair her with Theo, because I think they could help each other, but I think she is fated to be with Isaac and Arthur.

In AUs, I like to imagine Anju as her older friend. Anju does not tolerate a lot of bullshit with Amélie, and would be a bit like a guard dog. But. an unassuming one. She would treat Arthur very harshly until he proves himself. (I am unsure if I ever posted it, but I wrote a few chapters to go with This Au Fic for Isaac week. The second chapter, Anju was supposed to be a witch to help Amélie out after some events [was gonna have Isaac die and then it turn into a reincarnation au thing where they meet again in modern day, and in modern day Anju was gonna be around], and Anju has to help her move forward.)

I've been typing this on and off for a few hours and I am struggling with some details HAHA for now, I will stop here. She's the one OC that has a lot out there for her.

Oh. Amélie is not her 'real' name, but it is now. I am unsure if it is in poor taste or not, but in an attempt to heal she abandoned a lot of her old life. Not Herself, but trying to let go of the past until she could confront it more. She goes by Amélie until the end of her days, and only Sebas and likely Comte know her old name.

╰❧ Anju

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Training Theo (Theo/Reader)

─❧ Summary: (Vague mentions of parental issues)

OoooOOoooOh Anju....anju....wails.

She is such a complicated Oc for me. She was originally for Shingen in ikes*n (i dont want this on the tags on accident). I still debate if the character she is now still stems from that relationship or not. Because if so, that means she left the past and came back to the present because her and Shingen didn't work out. Not in a TERRIBLE way but probably a sad mutual understanding.

It's either that, or she's just pretty sour from general past relationships not working out.

I like to imagine that she is in her thirties, and that she lives in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other in friendly ways. She is a 'seamstress' just due to how Sengoku has that set up for the Mc. I decied that her grandmother taught her how to sew, and her grandmother owned a small shop to repair peoples clothes and sew clothes for commission as well (i know nothing about how this works so). She would help her grandmother at her shop, and later on when her grandmother passed, she would take over the shop.

As for her parents, I never fully fleshed them out. I just know her mother was constantly comparing herself to other children/people around her, and that their relationship dissolved to the point of Anju refusing to aknowledge her as a mother any longer. The crux of this would cause Anju to move the shop to a different location completely to sever ties. (not move physically, but open another shop elsewhere after funds were saved with the same name).

For Vamp, she relocates her ass to France for Reasons. And here is where it is... well. I don't think a shop like this could exist, but i wish it would. pls spare me from laughs HAHA

The shop I always imagined is the type where the ground floor is the shop, and upstairs is where Anju lives. So upstairs would house her kitchen, living room, and Bedroom and bathroom, a balcony connected to the kitchen would be. great. Lower floor would have the shop, her sewing area, a room to hang up comms and etc, and the 'front' of the shop. Front of the shop is the porch and the actual like...foyer area....of the shop.

She spends a lot of her time sitting in the foyer area at a desk, if she is not actively working on sewing. .....I like to imagine she has a small sitting area set up there for people (children, family, friends, partners, etc) waiting while whoever she is working on measurements and etc with is getting their stuff. With....a lil coffee/tea area....very very small like a coffee maker and some stuff....but cozy vibes... (and she wanted a coffee machine near her while working).

She'll sit on the porch often in the mornings while waiting for customers or going through shop bills and whatever, and that is how she meets Arthur in a modern day setting. By him taking 'Vic' (or whatever pet he is on now) on a walk, Vic escaping, and running up to Anju because he wants pets HAHA.

For first meeting, Anju thinks Arthur is cute, but recognizes the fuckboy tendances. However, i feel like at this point of living as a vampire for so long, Arthur wouldn't be how he is in the game currently. As in, not entirely as self destructive and a smidgen more at peace with himself, but still has the tendencies. She doesn't think too much on the meeting, loves Vic though, and goes from there...

But Arthur doesn't. He gets hung up on her a little, and finds excuses to run into her a bit more. Nothing crazy, but primarily just walking Vic by there and seeing if he can catch her on the porch again, waving, exchanging greetings and pets for Vic. It would turn into him eventually finding an excuse to get some clothing mended, which she can very easily tell is bullshit, but she entertains it because... he's respectful the whole time. She enjoys the company and the innocent flirting.

It comes to a clusterfuck when they spot each other at a bar though. Where he sees how differently she's dressed, where it's clear she's looking for one night stands and nothing else. (He is also alarmed at her smoking HAHA). Arthur doesn't do much with this information, but she immediately tries shutting him out because. Well, she isn't ashamed to have casual sex with others, but she doesn't want the fuckboy tendancies to come back for him. She doesn't want this fake relationship to delve into sex and nothing more. So she puts up walls, and Arthur has to slowly take them down. And it is a rocky thing, because Anju is so independant and refuses to rely on anyone else, so it's a LOT of trouble HAHA a lot of dramatics.

They do fuck, because well they both enjoy sex so why not!!!!! but ah. it's complicated. I think I have a scene of that somewhere. I cannot remember if I have that happen before or after him visiting her home/shop at night when he's drunk. I think it was before.

But Arthur was supposed to go to her place, drunk, because she has such a schedule with her shop/hobbies that it's easy to piece together that she's home, and she essentially lets him stay over in pity because he's wailing about messing up his friendship with Theo.

From there it turns into awkward, more up in the air things. I played with her getting with Arthur only, Theo only, Arthur and Theo, or even Vincent! But the Arthur/Theo subplot would have been too similar to the Isaac/Arthur one in Amélie's story. (Sorry for causing you so much distress, Arthur).

I like to imagine her in her shop. Arthur flirting with her while the neighborhood granny laughs at her attempts to ignore the flirting.

╰❧ Constance

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Sinking (Gilbert/Reader) [Descriptions of Self Harm], First Time (Gilbert/Reader), Chev comforts Mc

─❧ Summary: (Mentions of self harm, abuse)

Constance....! Is still a running name. I may change it, I may not. I'm unsure about her appearance, I know I want her to have the split hair and to dress in similar colors though, but her eyecolor I am so conflicted on...

But...! Her story is still being fleshed out, and she has changed a lot. She is now strictly for Gilbert, whereas she was supposed to be a flexible oc for either Clavis or Gilbert. (Maybe she still could be?)

So far, her story is still like Emma's so far. her and Rio friends for years, Akatsuki taking her in, etc. In my mind, she doesn't know who her parents are and is somewhat in peace of that.

I've bounced around a lot with her though, to where the Rio and Akatsuki being in her BG makes little sense. i've wanted her to be someone who writes and sings, but does not preform and instead has a friend that preforms for her. Where they have private sessions of Constance singing and exampling some of the dancing to her friend, and later on watching her friend preform the songs and bringing her visions to life. (i like this a lot but it feels...odd.)

I want her carrying a notebook around the palace, filled with her drawings and songwriting. Far in the journal, there is drawings of Gilbert- not because she knows him, but because long before she saw him slinking around Rhodolite and drew him out of facination of how he looked (did not piece together he was a Scary Dude). (would add a lot of fuel to fire if anyone saw those drawings COUGHS)

In another bouncing, I have her as a secret wrtier/artist that writes songs that are never preformed. I thought it would be funny if she wrote the erotica that Jin apparently reads??? I can never fgure out if thats canon or not because i never see it Mentioend in the game.

In both possible backgrounds for her, she is still a quiet and reserved person who suffers from a lot of depression, and struggles with herself a lot. The two toned hair was for fun at first, but now I'm realizing it would probably be a good symbol for her inner issues. How she has a lot of 'darkness' inside of her, that she feels disgusted by and upset with, while there is a purity she wishes she had (but fails to come to terms with how that is unreasonable).

To be paired with Clavis, she was supposed to be much more shy, and his antics were supposed to draw her out of her shell more.

But now it's more solidifies that she will be primarily paired with Gilbert due to the purity/darkness thing. She is a little dramatic in her thoughts with that, and is now a bit more serious toned rather than her shyness being played for antics.

She believes Gilbert over his refusal to 'lie', and that draws her in a lot.

Discussion of self harming/SA, when text is blue I am finished.

Something I am struggling with is that with many Ocs, i often have them go through some sexual trauma just due to it being an outlet for myself (i have also had sexual trauma). This may be why you see some themes of this in some fanfics I write, where there is something the reader is struggling with sexually and the suitor is extremely patient with them- it's usually tied to stuff like this (unsure of how obvious that is since no one ever says anything! which feels like an act of kindness, if it is obvious).

For her, I am struggling with adding that into her background as something that is fairly recent with her. Rio doesn't know, she refuses to tell him, and his fondness of her and constantly...hm...i don't mean this poorly, but building her up to be so 'perfect' sometimes causes a lot of issues when she reflects on herself, and she uses those words against herself often.

I don't know if the self harm would be. Due to that SA event or not. I don't know if this is soemthing that has plagued her for years, or if it spiked as her emotions got out of control.

Gilbert would not know. I don't really care if JP spoilers suggest otherwise, as there are already hints that make it clear he doesn't know Everything (he just knows a Lot). A lot of their relationship would be them struggling with self harm and the SA. A lot of her trust gets put into him (even if she dislikes it), because he doesn't lie to her like others do, and it is a comfort. (blah blah gilbert does lie blah blah)

It's hard to explain their relationship. I assume i'll have more figured out as his route comes out. Right now, she's who I imagine when I write some stuff with him, but not all of it.

With Clavis, the relationship would have been more healthy, and so would she. I think she would still struggle with both things, as it could be used as a mutual understanding when they discuss needing to be loved fully and not half-heartedly.

That is a rough gist of what I have for her? I have been typing this for hours and I am running out of steam.

Annnd....That is that! At least for now. Another detail I will share for all of them is that they are all bi :) All my ocs are always bi.

Again, you guys are free to ask questions. I may update this over time as well. I don't really want criticisms for my ocs though since you guys don't actually deal with them past them popping up as the voice for some reader insert fics. they just sorta rot in my brain and I get comms of them at times.

[takerfoxx]

Okay, about halfway through my Evangelion rewatch, and I swear to God this show has taken over my life. Like, even though I've seen it before and recently watched the Rebuild films, it's just clicked with me in a way that hasn't happened in a very long time, and I am loving it.

Anyway.

One thing that I noticed is that while the show gets off on a very depressing note that shines a spotlight on Shinji's problems, from the agony he experiences while piloting the Eva to his crippling depression and everything, once he makes the decision to stay, the tone shifts. Like, all those issues don't really go away fully, but for a little bit, the show gets a lot more lighthearted, becoming almost a traditional giant robots fighting aliens-type show. Shinji's mental health improves exponentially, he forms several healthy relationships, he actually does rather well as a pilot, and things seem to be on the upswing for him.

And then Asuka shows up and...actually, things sort of get better?

Okay, let me explain. The first time I watched this show like fifteen years ago, I couldn't stand Asuka. I thought that she was an entitled, insecure brat, and her treatment of Shinji and Rei was totally uncalled for. However, now that I've experienced this story in both of its entireties, processed all the characters and the complexities of their portrayals, and experienced various interpretations of them through various fanfics, doujins, spin-offs, etc., revisiting the original Asuka that spawned all of these reactions is...honestly, it's not nearly as bad as I remember. Yeah, she's still an insecure brat, but I get it now. And her beef with Shinji and Rei comes from her literally being groomed to be the best Eva pilot imaginable while being traumatized by her mother's suicide, leading her to see the other two pilots as both a threat to her position as well as disappointments for not living up to her standards, hence her hostile treatment of them. Even still, we see that facade crack and she does display moments of genuine kindness and comradery with them.

Also, later events have caused people to view Shinji as something of the most extreme of doormats, but for now, he actually isn't? Like, okay, he's still kind of a pushover, but he does get frustrated, he does push back against Asuka, he does snap and start arguing. At the same time, you can also seem them trying to connect in their highly damaged, kind of awkward ways. It's not working, but you see the attempt, and overall, their dynamic does get played more for laughs and slapstick, at least in the early stages.

Of course, all of that goes out the window later on when everyone gets SOOOO much worse, but for now, it's nice to see these kids' relationship in it's healthiest stage. That scene where they all sit on the hill watching the stars together was honestly adorable, as well as Asuka deliberately eschewing a fancy steak dinner in favor of a trip to a ramen shack so Rei could participate.

As for me being ride or die for a poly ending for this trio, was it at all changed by revisiting the source material? Haha, NOPE! If anything, it was strengthened, given that all three have their unique dynamics with each other instead of the tired cliche of two people fighting over a third and it's all like, "Oh, who will they choose?" Y'ALL HAVE TWO HANDS APIECE!

Though on a more deeply personal side, I think that's why I've had Evangelion infest my mind like it has as of late. I just sort of relate to Shinji, Rei, and Asuka a whole bunch and see aspects of myself in all three, and I just kind of want them to be happy together, but, in this timeline at least, I know that that's not meant to be.

Speaking of complicated characters, Touji and Kensuke certainly are that, because on the one hand, they are kind of best boys in how ride or die they are for Shinji, basically becoming the close friends that he definitely needed and going out of their way to check in on him and support him and stick up for him.

On the other hand, they are also selling creep shots of Asuka and their other female classmates. Like, okay, 90's Japan culture and how that gets played for laughs back then, I get it. Still, not cool, guys. But I guess it just goes with the theme of how these are all messy individuals kind of stumbling their way through their messy lives, and everyone has their good and bad qualities.

Another observations. The virus takeover episode was one of the series' finest, as the whole bottle episode thing where the adults have to solve a unique problem while the pilots were otherwise out of the picture made for a great change of pace and was tense as hell. The dancing episode is a fan favorite for a reason and must've made the AsuShin ship explode early on.

Also, I know that we're supposed to hate the JSSDF because their rep was kind of a jerk to Misato and put down NERV and all (plus the later massacre in the movie), but to be honest, now knowing what we know about NERV and the Evangelions, he was kind of right in everything he was criticizing them about? And the fact that Jet Alone was deliberately sabotaged by NERV in a sort of petty dick-waving contest only puts them in a worse light. Honestly, if the two organizations had actually behaved like adults and cooperated, things might've gone so much better.

But then again, Gendo's got to Gendo, what with SEELE and their whole agenda and everything.

And on a more critical side!

Okay, I've said my piece about all of the weird creep shots in the Rebuild movies and how distracting and, well, uncomfortable they were. Like, okay, I know this whole series is low-key horny, and using Misato for some cheesecake shots, that's fine. But, like I said about Toji and Kensuke's creepy photo business...yeah. It's not as bad as it was in the Rebuild movies, which really took things way over the top, but it's still there.

And honestly, some of it you can get away with. Like, I don't have an issue with the scene between Shinji and Rei in the apartment, or Shinji ogling the girls in their swimsuits, or overhearing Asuka and Misato in the hotspring and having a reaction, because he's a repressed kid full of hormones in a very stressful situation. It makes sense that he would be like that. Same with Asuka's flirty side and how she hangs off of Kaji in a very inappropriate manner. Or Rei's lack of inhibitions. All of these make sense for their characters. I don't even have a problem with how Misato teases Shinji, because she's portrayed as somewhat of an emotionally stunted womanchild.

But when it's not from his or anyone else's point of view and you're just showing fanservice shots of your explicitly underaged characters, it gets kind of, well...

Okay, the point I'm making is...was there like a specific reason for the nude sync test? At all? Did it serve the plot in any way? Yeah, you need them in the plugs to get them out of the way so that the grown-ups could have an episode, but c'mon. Was it really necessary other than to get shots of them naked in their cockpits? Even from a character standpoint, I think Asuka at the very least would have protested more!

I dunno, I know it's a rampant problem in anime and always has been and you kind of need some level of tolerance, but that scene in particular did stand out as a great big, "Why is this happening?" Maybe if it had actually led to something it'd be better, but it didn't.

But Evangelion has always been messy and complicated, and that little bug aside, it's easy to see why it captured so many people's attention when it first came out and still does to this day. Hell, it's definitely consumed my every waking moment as of late.

However, Rei's little existential crisis is any indication, I'm approaching the part where things get really weird, so, that'll be...interesting.