#cause I got a lot of thoughts about the dehumanizing they put him under and he then also start believing

[smollandkindaannoyed]

It is a "Head empty, one thought" kinda day. And that one thought that has me thinking all day is Bucky calling himself "The Asset" in Sidereal from girlbookwrm and verbalatte.

Like I just finished the fic, loved it, but I cant stop thinking about how Bucky kept calling himself The Asset in the beginning. The way chapter two starts with: 'The Asset has no soulmark, as far as it is aware. Soulmarks are for the living, after all.' And that is some of the most heartbreaking shit ever. Like all I can think about is how Bucky really just became a weapon, an object, to be used for all those years till the point he himself doesn't even believe he is a living being anymore. How he talks about himself like HYDRA talks about him, how he starts to use their words and with talking in a thirth-person way also making his actions not his, because in the end all those missions were done by The Asset not by Bucky. Ye no this thought will be haunting my brain for next few days.

[hoelandah]

This will probably be my most controversial Homelander take:

As a black woman, TV!Homelander is accidentally the most "black man" coded white male character I've ever seen.

My reasoning and analysis is under the cut.

Let me preface that I'm aware that the subtext and mirroring I'm about to explain is likely not intentional in any way, shape, or form. Take this for the speculation and art analysis it is. This is also not Homelander apologia.

Warning: includes discussion of racial violence and SA.

Okay so. I'm one of those people who thinks that the Trump comparisons aren't correct. It's dead wrong. It's the writers and marketing clumsily trying to advertise the show by lampooning the conservatives. So, just leave the Homelander = Trump shit at the door.

1. His Dehumanization

It's no secret how much violence and dehumanization minorities go through. I'm going to elaborate on the specific markers of black male dehumanization.

Throughout European history the depiction and treatment of the black man has been "animal" and all the connotations that come with that word.

Violent. Stud. Low intelligence.

Black men were literally seen as not human. The idea of a black man having personhood would have genuinely been laughable to consider to whites in earlier history. They were no better than bulls.

Made to work. Made to breed. Made to be owned.

Homelander, like black men, never got the keys to "humanity." He was dehumanized before he was even a thought. A product of a "bull" that was so called "good stock" (Soldier Boy).

He was raised in isolation and abused by his owners to be ready to make his owners profit. His body was never his own. He's an asset. A product.

2. False/Conditional Privilege

Cut now to him debuting as The Homelander. Homelander is shallowly privileged by his looks and celebrity the same way black performers, particularly athletes, are: as long as they do the job. "Shut up and play, boy."

These teams are usually "owned" by rich white men. The black athlete should never do anything else but what they're paid to do. If they just do their job they get the conditional keys to "white male privilege." But only if they perform and never cause a stir or "take a knee."

During this time Homelander is groomed, intentionally and unintentionally, into what he is by everyone around him who only see him as a tool. And Homelander tries to always be "valued" in the public because what else does he have?

3. The Predatory Black Man Trope and "Jeromes" and "Tyrones"

Note: this section is likely reaching a little, take it with lots of salt.

This next section discusses the whole Becca thing.

Let the record show that I know and understand that Becca was raped. Full stop. I have some thoughts as to how much Homelander is aware of the gravity of what he did since he's a giant toddler whose moral compass has been made to point straight down to hell but it's obvious he does not care about how much he hurt her.

The show just puts some weird ass ambiguity around the whole incident. They don't really go into the specifics, we can only guess his motivations based on other women he's "been" with. And considering he legit didn't understand that Stillwell felt nothing but fear for him and he has no understanding of relationships or boundaries and his love for dominance due to deep insecurity he could totally think, in his fucked up mind, that he didn't do anything wrong.

"She's just a human, who cares? They use me, I use them." - Homelander, probably.

I just want it clear that I'm not exonerating him or minimizing Becca's hurt in this next section.

Anyway, this Becca situation loosely mirrors the "black men, "Jeromes" or "Tyrones" as some racists call them, are predators that prey on or seduce white women and give their husbands mixed babies" stereotype. And Butcher's hatred for Homelander never seems to be for Becca's sake. It's selfish, singly focused and possibly includes guilt and a sore ego.

It's also bigoted.

Superpowers or not supes are kind of minority coded like the X-Men. Think of them as an intersectional category like minorities that are rich or people with disabilities that need less support than people with more severe disabilities. Like sure, they'll like fair better in the current system but

The rich minority is still a minority.

The disabled person with less support needs is still disabled.

Vought (the elites) more or less run supes and they are assets. Many of them were injected with compound V as children by greedy or hopeful parents coerced by capitalism so it's a systemic issue.

It speaks to Butcher's character that Becca ran to Vought of all places and didn't tell her husband. He hates supes that much.

Homelander is then kept from that son like black men have been separated from their families, even after black men were no longer forcibly taken as away as slaves they were forced away by welfare policy that would only support black women if they weren't married. It was more feasible to never marry your man and tell welfare you were single because he didn't earn enough to take care of the family.

And likely Vought would have continued the cycle of violence with Ryan if Homelander had not found him. Vought wasn't gonna keep Becca and Ryan safe for free, I assure you.

4. He'll Never Be A "Real Man"

Homelander also occupies that "never quite a man" category that black men are put in. They're painted as dangerous and virile. They're "men" when they're a threat. Yet also belittled and never afforded real manhood. A "boy" when they're being looked down on. "Boy" is a touchy word for black men for this reason. It has as much history and hurt to them as more obvious slurs.

Homelander is lied to and belittled by Vought ofc. He's denied true manhood like them but is made to perform it to a cartoonish degree that I would argue he's actually not happy with. If Vought exists, he will never be free and will never live in genuine peace because his crimes will follow him. Ruling the world would be his only option and that would only "fix" so much.

They made sure he has no real tools or skills to actually run things effectively (he's confused during board meetings and doesn't understand shit). He was purposely made too intellectually incurious and emotionally stunted to truly learn (he deflects and gets angry). He's actually surprisingly inept in some ways. His only skill is that he's scary and dangerous.

High intelligence and manipulation are usually put down as his skills and like sure, he's far from dumb and he's really sneaky. Everyone around him is the most morally fucked liar to ever exist...but I'm gonna be real: his manipulation is not that impressive. Most of it is just intimidation. Folks don't wanna get lasered.

So, he substitutes this denied agency and lack applied skills with hyper violence, materialism, flashiness, cockiness, etc.

A "thug," basically.

"Thugs" are usually just young black men clamoring for real manhood in a world that will never give it to them so they sometimes turn to these things in disenfranchisement. Sometimes they become cops for the same reason.

5. "The Boys," as A Phrase Makes Me Think of Lynch Mobs

This one is pretty subjective so take it with salt as well.

"The boys" is harkening to calling for one's group. And due to Butcher's hard on for killing supes because of his hatred with his group it kind of puts me in the mind of posses of white men that would be informally gathered (sometimes even aided by law enforcement) to enact "retribution" on black men and boys "who have stepped out of line." See Emmet Till.

"Round up the boys, we're gonna hang us a..."

You know the rest.

If Butcher was fully depicted as the morally fucked protag he is in the comics this wouldn't bother me, thematically it would fit. But they hedge on Butcher's morality a little, making him less of a genuine bastard and more like someone with lapsed judgment or faculties who's the "lesser of two evils" so it's just uncomfortable.

Anyway, that's it. I'm just fascinated by the unintentional mirroring. This is likely why, even though Homelander is who he is, women, queer people and POC have a complex love/fascination for him. The only thing that makes him so hard to sympathize with is that his crimes are particularly abhorrent and physically he's more powerful than anyone else and a genuine threat.

I've never been so afraid to hit "Post" in my LIFE.

[cloudsoffire]

hang on i need to obsess over infinite for a moment.

infinite is a very flat villain. he's evil because he was bored, and he holds a grudge against shadow, not for wiping out his friends, but because he beat him in a fight and called him weak. in fact, he despises friendship, you know, because he's a villain.

but infinite's theme implies a much more nuanced character than what we got in sonic forces, and even rise of infinite. plus the way he talks about friendship can lead to some very interesting conclusions, but that's for another day. for now let's just talk about his theme song.

sonic has a couple different kinds of theme music. character themes, boss themes, and misc.

character themes are songs like it doesn't matter or unknown from m.e. shadow has several themes. they describe a character's motivation, mentality, etc. they're a huge indicator of what the character they represent is like. sonic values freedom and doing what he thinks is correct regardless of what others think, tails is aspirational and wants to stand on par with sonic, and knuckles doesn't chuckle.

boss themes include songs like open your heart or what i'm made of. these songs can describe the thought process of the villain, but it's always very situational and specific to a certain character moment. recycling our examples, open your heart is describing a fight where the goal is for chaos to "open his heart," and what i'm made of describes metal, but only in that specific moment.

miscellaneous songs include title songs like reach for the stars, credits songs like vandalize, and others that defy categorization.

infinite's theme doesn't strike me as a typical boss theme, a large contributing factor being that it doesn't play during any of his fights. kinda hilarious actually. but even without that, it doesn't fit the arbitrary criteria i set to distinguish them. it feels a lot more like a character description, similar to other character themes. and it plays when he formally introduces himself to sonic as well. the thing is, unlike most character themes, it doesn't fit quite right with what we see in the game.

with every other character theme, you can compare the words to their actions in-game, and even the smallest details make sense. but with infinite, even if it seems correct on first listen, there's a lot of stuff in it that we just don't see. it's probably due to under-utilization of his character, but there are some lines that make him seem a lot deeper than he's presented.

so without further ado, let's analyze it. (this is my own interpretation, and i haven't looked at the genius page, so keep that in mind.)

------------------

I'm the tallest of mountains

I am the roughest of waves

I'm the toughest of terrors

I am the darkest of days

this is how it opens. it's pretty in character so far. even if it wasn't immediately putting him on a pedestal, he can be any of these things literally with the phantom ruby. could also be referencing his phantoms who knows.

I'm the last one that's standing,

Don't try to stand in my way,

Cause I've been up against better,

Just take a look at my face

infinite is the last surviving member of the jackal squad. he donned his mask to leave behind his "weak" past self, but purposefully covers one eye with a lightning bolt. the same eye that has a scar over it. it's a little interesting how he included it. in leaving his past identity behind, he had the opportunity to cover it up, but instead he kept it. it's almost as if he's punishing himself for some sort of mistake that lead to the scar, something he can't let go of even in his darkest moment. but we don't know what it is because he had it in his earliest appearance.

Cause if you're messing with me,

I am a dangerous weapon

I am the sharpest of blades;

I'll cut you down in a second

in the introductory cutscene, eggman refers to infinite as his "invention," his "unstoppable creation," and an "invincible instrument of destruction." all very dehumanizing titles. it's very possible that this line isn't just infinite bragging, but rather the result of him internalizing eggman's words towards him. he really is just a simple weapon. and even in the game, he's used and discarded like one.

Cause I was born in this pain,

It only hurts if you let it,

So if you think you can take me

Then you should go and forget it

this line is actually what got me to write this in the first place. like oh my god. this line is brushed off as edgy nonsense super easily, but just read it. this is something that i know me and a lot of other people deal with on a daily- no, secondly basis. these are the words of someone who's had to deal with a great deal of mental pain from as early as childhood, maybe even trauma. if we assume this song is from infinite's perspective, as implied by the first person pronouns, it implies that, for lack of better words, his masked slipped for a moment while singing his own praises, before quickly fixing it and framing it as though it shows how tough he is that he doesn't let it bother him.

And after all this time, you're back for more

(I won't stop until they know my name)

So I'll take what's mine and start this war

(I'm coming at you like a tidal wave, tidal wave, tidal wave)

i'm not sure about this one, actually. the first bit is obviously directed towards sonic, but the other stuff seems pretty surface level, almost as though it's a continuation of the previous lines rather than anything super profound. i'm not sure what infinite is taking, and i'm not sure what motivation he has to become well known. to prove shadow wrong? maybe.

When everything you know has come and gone,

(You are at your lowest, I am rising higher)

Only scars remain of who I was

(What I find in the ashes, you lose in the fire!)

i think this section almost feels like infinite is speaking about himself, interwoven with comments about the general "you". it's like he's talking about rising from the ashes after losing everything, with the scars left behind by the experience being the only thing tying him to his humanity. the entire song sounds triumphant, but for the wrong reasons.

When there's no one left to carry on,

(This is an illusion, open up your eyes and...)

This pain (persists), I can't (resist),

But that's what it takes to be Infinite

here's another mention of pain, specifically preceded by the context of loss. i find the last bit especially interesting. infinite is an adjective, the name of the song, but it's also his name. different sites have different capitalization, but either way it could be taken to mean one of two things. one: infinite is an adjective. this phantom ruby causes him pain, but he pushes on for the sake of power. and two, the sadder option: infinite is in reference to his name, saying that just the act of being him is painful, but he has either come to accept it, or is waiving potential concern, ie: another moment of the mask slipping.

the rest of the song is almost all threats, but there are a few lines i want to address.

It's only me and you - who is gonna save you now?

infinite's disdain for friendship bleeds into the song. this line might even exist to directly counter fist bump, which is about teamwork. infinite doesn't even consider the possibility of his opponent recieving help out of the goodness of someone's heart, and when it happens in the game, he gets angry. not because of an unfair fight, but because "friendship is an illusion. you can count on nobody but yourself."

Cause if you're messing with me,

Then you should know that it's over

I don't crumble for nothing

I've got the world on my shoulders

infinite views himself as crucial to something. eggman's operation? maybe. but either way, he feels a ton of pressure on him, equivalent to the weight of the world. he thinks that if he can bear the weight of his burdens, he can accomplish anything. what burdens could he possibly have that would be equivalent to conquering 99.9% of the planet?

so anyway, infinite gets more character development in his theme song than any other appearance, and the development he gets there is extremely interesting. to me, anyway.

i am also not proofreading this so if there are typos sorry

----

ALSO

if any of these lines really are just to be edgy then no they aren't because i like my interpretation better.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Tumblr keeps hiding the reblogs I'm looking for today for some reason ..... think I finally got it. (Also you had better get better sleep soon! Hope you're doing alright.)

Agreed I refuse to think Carmilla would purposely name him Brian... at least in this timeline. I like how you put that she may have heard his name. Maybe even snooped around for it after he was stable to be certain? I think she certainly either heard the name and assumed/hoped it was his (and further discussed that later if he would want to be called that or to choose a new name, since I'm banking on Carmilla being open about but not very knowledgeable on what happened to Brian) or (the only other option I can think) that she didn't know his name and let Brian choose one himself. At the time, Brian found it to be a very unique and splendid name, maybe even the name of a musical artist he adored. Also idk where we're setting this specific AU but Beauty and The Beast was French right? I don't think Brian was a common first name in 1700's France, so maybe at the time and place of picking it, however Carmilla and Brian got the name, it was special! I still don't think Carmilla would purposely pick Brian without reason tho. I also thought maybe Brian is actually an acronym, but that kinda feels dehumanizing for the mother-son vibes here to me. Also I'm bad at acronyms.

OBSSESED WITH HOW YOU WROTE CARMILLA FINDING BRIAN BTW. EATING THAT. Carmilla could probably detect the heartbeat faster and easier than normal people bc of her powers too I'm sure.... this is fully were I think she mixes her mechanics and magic btw!!! Using magic to ensure the beats don't tapper off as she runs homes, hooking what's left of him to things in her workshop to keep the heart functional and not die or dry out, casting spells to ensure its safety and all... already falling in love with this new life she's taking under her wing. Going full mama bear yes!!!! Exactly!!! So the village wanted a witch to prosecute? Let her shown them real magic then. And oh after Brian being tied to a tree again... uagh!!!! Brian rides off on horseback and reaches the castle quicker, but Carmillla is close behind and fully tears the mob a new one after they're tossed from the castle. (<- she only isn't immediately following Brian to ensure his and Jonny's well being because she trust Brian to do it right on his own, and following behind protectively, no matter how badly she wants too, could screw the whole thing up for Jonny and everyone else, and she's aware of that as the actual enchantress.)

To be honest the name change was a half asleep joke I made lmao... whoops :). Though I might keep that name for something else entirely unrelated bc it sounds neat. Marius will always be von Ram in my heart (and Lyf has to say von Raum like that. Whether or not it's written in a fic you just know it's said that way). Maybe when someone first points out the meaning of Marius's last name they're like"???? that doesn't make sense???" and suggests the other name to make more sense (idk why. Maybe since Gaston is a hunter so, so is Marius? Or he at least wanders in the woods a lot acting like he's hunting and completely knows what he's doing. totally). Marius is like "no it makes perfect sense" with zero elaboration and ends up on the towns' witch watchlist or something. "We're not certain he's a witch or anything, he's just very odd. Suspcious. Maybe an accomplice to one?" He isn't one yet but he probably will be soon lmao.

GOD everything you wrote about Tim and Lyf and Bertie!!! Sobs........ wails even........... I will also say that I was picturing dialogue between them as I fell asleep last night (brainrot lmao). (Also dialogue is not my strong suit so I'm mostly paraphrasing my thoughts.) Lyf crying, almost completely yelling if they had had the voice to do so, about the pair taking everything. Their home, their loved ones, their culture, everything they knew rubble and waste. (Of course, Tim and Bertie caused the same of their own home, but that was their choice.) They might even have a small, dulled knife brandished in front of where they're curled in on themself as they yell. "You're right," Tim would probably say. "We, well- we didn't choose to fight this war, we never wanted war, we just wanted it to end, but-" "-but it doesn't excuse our actions." Bertie might finish. "We know that. What's done is done though, and right now you're sick and hurt. We only want to help you. We can't bring anything back, but you don't have die here." That's basically what was in my brain last night. (You literally made me scream with "we just wanted it over." btw.)

Also extra tidbit I feel like after they finally convinced Lyf to join them and they make their way out of the ruins of what may have been Lyf's home, they have to lay low and hid out as they travel. So there's DND style quest camping nights. (My brain runs fully on creating images I am cursed to only bring to life through word so bear with me anytime I say I pictured something lmao.) I pictured them, on the first night together, huddled in a cave near the edge of a mountain range in the woods, not far from the ruins but far enough to feel safe enough to crash for the night. They get Lyf settled down first, and one prepares a small fire while the other digs around their bags for anything useful. Water, food, medicine/first aid, clothes, etc. The pair treat what they can, give Lyf medicine or bandage their wounds, whatever they have that Lyf needs. They find rations and water if they're lucky, and settled close to the fire. From the mouth of the cave, they can only see the forest extending before them. Above though, despite everything, it's a clear night. Clear enough to spot constellations or the moon phase, whatever one make be knowledgeable of. An end of year breeze still fills the cave, the lack of day chilling their bones of cold. They keep close to their fire, and close to each other. Who knows what tomorrows brings? Hardships, but hopefully something new, something kind. Even if mistrust and hurt lies between them, they sleep close to each other that night.

(Yes exactly!! Big dumb brothers!! I'm so soft for the protective older brother(s) character trope...... there's something special about the older siblings bullying and beating up their younger siblings but going above and beyond to take care of them in the real world. "The only person/people that can mess with my younger sibling is me/us!" trope!!!!!)

And exactly! I was about to bring up Carmilla being the royal enchantress too! You are actually fully in my head.............. Carmilla being everyone's mom as always. Also putting the taking in servants that way..... I love that so much. I've been watching Dimension 20's Fantasy High a lot recently and this makes me think of Jawbone!!!! (A werewolf NPC who lived a crazy life and got offered the school counselor job by the student PCs, so he fully turned his life around! I adore him.) I felt like Jawbone having an insane and traumatic past makes him far more empathetic and understanding to kids when he becomes the school counselor! Easier for unwilling kids to open up to him when they need to too I feel like. I think sure maybe he shouldn't be as open about certain things with actual 15 years old, but that brutal honesty is refreshing to some kids. Or at least it was for me at that age, considering the random lore drops from my mom lmao.... My point is! Not only are these parents empathetic to the strays they're taking in and giving good work and housing too, but having a "colorful" staff to take care of their kids while they're gone is just really cool! Their past experiences might make it easier to connect to their kids verses people who were trained to be constantly formal. These kids don't really need all these servants, they need genuine people to be there with them when their parents are gone. I went on a bit too long about that but I hope that made sense? ("Jonny! How could you call your own mom a kooky old cunt?! Apologize!!!!")

Also Nastya being close and learning certain charms and stuff, but not being fully an Enchantress, same as Brian. After their parents are gone and Jonny gets worse and worse, Carmilla and Nastya prepare to leave and already has everything planned out with her. Carmilla saying Nastya doesn't have to take the fall, but Nastya insisting. Between the two, Jonny might still listen to Carmilla before Nastya, so she needs him to have less of a grudge against Carmilla when they both leave. Carmilla leaves a few months in advance, returning in secret only the cast the spell with Nastya. Carmilla again asking if she's fully prepared for that, or is she would at least want to stay with Carmilla after all is said and done. Nastya sticks her to plan, though. She pretends to cast the spells, Carmilla does it, and they go their separate ways, but hoping to be reunited again one day under good circumstance.

Jonny loving the little casual braids!! Brian curled into Jonny as he does it gods........Jonny acts aloof and neutral about them but he refuses to have them taken out ever. (Bonus points: final fight scene and Toy's blade nicks a braid clean off, and Jonny is pissed)

Nastya totally has things for everyone! She carried them as a comfort at first, that eventually she'll be able to gift them these. God how ecstatic she would be for that to actually happen in the end!!!! Also when she finally returns and has a chance to pass around her gifts, Marius totally pouts about not getting anything (mostly joking), and she's just like, "Um, I didn't know you??? Do you want this cookie?" and he almost cries.

EVERYTHING YOU WROTE ABOUT HER RETURN!!!!!!! (Also in response to Nastya asking about Marius, Lyf (now finally taller than him) grabs him by the ear, "He's my problem, unfortunately," with a small smile as Marius mumbles "Ouch!! Rude!!!!") Just! Her being so overjoyed to see everyone again!!! So proud and happy Jonny learned how to love!!! Gods!!!!!!! ("So you preferred the beast form then? Even though the curse is lifted? I figured you might..." "It grew on me, okay?" "You were always a weird little creature," "Little!?")

Also about him staying a beast- imagine if after the curse broke, it was similar to Sophie's ageing curse where in the end that part of it became less of a curse and more of his character. But the amount of beast he looks can now shift based on his emotions and stuff after the curse broke, like how Sophie's age fluxuates based on her feelings. Jonny usually remains normal beast sized, because that's how he feels genuine and true, so it takes a while to figure it out. But eventually something happen to make him shift. A nightmare or bad storm throws him into a bad panic, and he becomes smaller and less furry and as he shrinks in on himself. Someone or something endangers Brian and sends him into enough of a fury to almost double in size and become genuinely horrifying to look at. It usually has to be something intense to shift, though. After that they work on him controlling and understanding it better! This is also an aftermath effect Nastya and Carmilla had no idea would happen.

With Marius- Yes exactly!! He felt so embarrassed about his fear of them until he found out they're the Tim and Bertie who demolished two kingdoms..... validation!

Oh yes Raph backstory!!! I love it!!!!! I feel like her getting hired was like "No, we don't really trust you as the doctor, but you're good with knives like that, want to be a chief for now?" which she takes. She does always suggest letting her vivisect people like prisoners who did some seriously bad stuff. It's usually still a no, except for when someone tried to assassinate their kids. They let her have the assassin for whatever she wanted. (Or, if the assassin was hired, let her carve the information out of them to find the person who paid them, so she could have them to study too.) For the most part she might channel that energy into messing with butchered farm animals as she preps for dinner! I can't think of anyone who enjoys processing animals like that, so anyone else in charge of food or livestock probably always lets her have that. Also she has a little sharp knife like glint in her eyes (dangerous curiosity) that terrify people who aren't used to it. Also she might love science stuff in general, but anything like that, namely from a woman, could also be considered witchcraft anyway. So there were many limitations until the castle (she's shocked she even got the doctor role, but that town was pleasantly desperate).

And oh!! I hadn't seen that title idea yet- I like that one more!! The one I tossed in was just a couple stand in relevant words to help me find this post later. The Consequences of Creation and Love. Neat!

Beauty and the Beast, but it's the Mechanisms.

Jonny must be the beast because feral Jonny and the whole heart thing... prove me wrong.

Tim or Brian is Belle.

Rest of the Mechs are the servants in the Beast's house. With an exception for Marius as Gaston cause I can totally fucking see it. He would suck at it though because it's Marius. And also, short Marius HC.

This is probably not new. But it's been brewing in my head for a good few months, ever since I put my Mechs OC in the iconic Belle dress.

[0perfectimperfections0]

Hiya! I absolutely adore your Lou fanfics. That man has emotional baggage the size of Mount Everest, and I'm so happy to see him getting comfort. I was wondering if you might write a sleep deprived or sick Lou who gets taken care of by Ox and Mandy (or any character you like) after trying to hide it? I'm a sucker for fluff or angst. Again, thank you for writing your stories! They're awesome! I love how he struggles with feeling like he should be absolutely perfect.

Aw, thank you! Yes, Lou has a lot of trauma that he's working through. Luckily now, he doesn't have to deal with it alone. But, he's still learning that fact with the help of the gang.

Also! Just because I got asked this in the other Fandom I write for, my prompts aren't necessarily in a specific order. Like, I place the prompts in the timeline that works best for the story. So, for instance, this one will be before the "Hugs" one where he stays with Ox. Cause I'm sure Ox would make ABSOLUTE SURE that Lou went to sleep every night.

And same, I'm a sucker for fluff and angst. I absolutely love that prompt! Let me see what I can do...

<><><><><><>

He had grown to be quiet after his turn in the wash. Most of the dolls who made their disgust with him known joked that the water had made him lose his voice. The airheads often considered the term prototype to be something akin to the robots around the village. And they didn't stop at that. Lou was essentially dehumanized as if he hadn't been when he was first created already.

But the silence he kept himself under was off-putting.

Ox was obviously the first to notice. He didn't allow the blonde to stray from his sight as he cleaned the floors. It was the tiny things he noticed day by day. The way Lou's legs would give out on him periodically. The mop looked bent from where Lou seemed to be putting most of his weight against it as if he couldn't hold himself up on his own accord.

The bunny nonchalant had made a comment or two about his concern to the others. He was met with discord, which didn't come as a surprise to him. But, Mandy and Moxy didn't have much to say in opposition to his comments as the others did. That had to be a good sign, right?

And now, as he stood by the wayside with a close eye on the prototype, he was mildly shocked to see the two girls walking up to him. "Don't think we haven't noticed you hanging around here all the time," Mandy commented as she stood beside him.

"I'm just worried," Ox didn't take his gaze away from Lou. "Somethin' doesn't look right."

"Well, that washer did a lot more than we thought it would." Moxy hummed.

Ox's ears twitched, "Very funny, Moxy. I won't talkin' about his actual looks."

"I know," Moxy was quick to raise her hands defensively. "I mean the washer did something to his head." Another glare in her direction. "I mean mentally!"

The concern knawing at him was the culprit for his short temper at the moment. And both girls knew that. And, to be fair, Ox had every right to believe that any comment made toward Lou was to be taken offensively.

There was a sound that caught their attention and the dolls looked up to see Lou had collapsed on the floor. Ox immediately rushed over and tilted the blonde's head toward him, "Lou? Lou!" He turned to Mandy, "Get Lucky Bat!" The Ugly was the closest thing to a doctor that would stand a chance at helping them. Ox couldn't depend on the Pretties to any extent. Not with his brother.

Lucky Bat could ensure that Lou was still alive. Exhaustion seemed to be what drove Lou to this state. "We need to get him somewhere to cool down," the bat waved a wing over Lou's face to try and relieve the red hue that had overcome it. "And he needs sleep. When was the last time he's slept?"

Ox opened his mouth to answer before realizing he didn't know. Once Lou was done with his job and disappeared into the shed, Ox always assumed he was safe and no longer had to worry. "I don't know."

Fortunately, Ox didn't have to ask for any volunteers. Mandy gently picked Lou up. Moxy piped up before Ox could speak, "We can take him to my house!" Ox blinked in surprise at her. She rubbed her arm, "I feel like I owe it to him...I mean, I did kinda start this whole thing. It's the least I can do."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. It felt relieving to know he wasn't the only one in defense of the blonde. It took a lot of weight off his shoulders. Mandy gingerly followed the two to Moxy's house, Lucky Bat trailing along to keep tabs on Lou. The dark-skinned doll looked down at Lou worriedly, "He's not moving at all, except for breathing. Are you sure it's just exhaustion?"

"If it is sleep deprivation, his body probably forced itself to shut down to keep from something worse happening." Lucky Bat recalled through some of the human books his kid had brought home from school. Health was one of the subjects that caught the Ugly's attention.

"Worse?" Mandy didn't like the sound of that.

Lucky went skittish, wringing his wings together, "If it goes on long enough...I read that it can cause death."

______________

There were some murmurs around him. None of the words could be heard clearly, but it sounded like more than one. Lou hummed, brows furrowing from the pain in his head. The voices quieted down and something wrapped around his hand, "Lou?"

The blonde blinked his eyes open groggily. His eyelids felt heavy and his body wanted nothing more than to go back to its unconscious state. Ox stood in front of him, a paw clasped around Lou's hand tightly.

"...Ut...ppened," his speech wasn't working properly.

Moxy was sitting beside him on her bed, "You passed out earlier."

Lou couldn't find the strength to speak again, no matter what little he said before. Mandy walked into the room with a rag. She folded it and laid it across his forehead. It was cool. Some of the throbbing he'd woken up to numbed down after a moment.

"You gave me a scare," Ox chuckled airily, eye still trained on the doll to make sure nothing bad happened.

"All of us," Mandy corrected. She fixed some of the hair that had stuck to Lou's face, brushing it behind his ear. The red flush in his cheeks was starting to go away. "How much have you been sleeping?"

He didn't want to answer that question. It was already obvious where this was going and he wasn't ready for the chastisement awaiting him. He'd already dealt enough with that. Yelled at for not working enough. Yelled at for not sleeping enough. Nothing was ever enough anymore, was it? And with how the company treated him, he didn't feel like there was ever a time where it was enough.

"Lou?" Ox pressed.

"...Oo...rs," his voice was still weak. He tried clearing it, "T...oo."

Moxy's eyes widened a smidge, "Two hours?" The blonde nodded shortly. "Lou, you've only been sleeping for two hours every night? You need more tha--"

"Eek...," Lou whispered.

"Huh?"

He took in a breath, bracing for the reprimanding, "T...oo...ch...eek."

Their jaws dropped and Moxy dared to interpret what he'd said, "Two hours a week?" After a moment of hesitation, he nodded.

Ox looked away, taking in a breath to calm himself down. He turned back to Lou, squeezing his hands, "We're havin' a talk once you've got your speech back. I want you to sleep."

"An't...," the faintest whimper escaped Lou. His chest heaved.

"What?" Ox was scared the worst was happening.

"...P...ease...c...an...t," a tear trailed down Lou's face.

Mandy kneeled down beside the bed to hear him better, "You can't what? Sleep?" He nodded. "Just relax, okay? You'll be out like a light--"

"O," he choked out. More tears followed.

Ox instinctively sat up on the bed, putting a paw on Lou's cheek, "Hey, it's alright. Why can't you sleep? Is there somethin' stoppin' you?" Lou nodded, sucking in a sob. "What is it? Maybe we can help."

His chest still rose up and down erratically, "...Ight...ares."

Moxy understood immediately, "Nightmares?" Her heart sunk when Lou nodded. The gang exchanged looks. Moxy remembered the times her kid, Maizy, would have nightmares at night. She would stay with the girl overnight instead of going back to Imperfection. Maybe that's what Lou needed. Someone to stay with him. All those nights alone in the shed...not to count all the years in the Institute. It had to have done something detrimental to his sleep routine.

"I'll stay with you, how about that?" Moxy offered softly.

He didn't respond right away and she half expected him to not answer at all as she adjusted herself beside him. "...Ank...Oo."

She smiled, wrapping an arm around him. "I'll stop by Wage's," Lucky Bat piped up, "he'll need to eat something when he wakes up."

Ox nodded in thanks and turned to Mandy, "Thank you for bringin' him here. You can go now if you want."

She shook her head, "I'll stay." Gingerly, she sat on Lou's other side, back resting against the headboard. "Something tells me he'll need all the help he can get."

"Thank ya'll," Ox felt more of that weight lifting off his shoulders. He looked down at the blonde whose eyes had grown too heavy for him to keep open. He carefully took the rag off Lou's head, "I'll resoak this."

After a few minutes, he walked back into the room. He stopped short and a wide smile crossed his face. Lou was definitely sound asleep now and without a nightmare. He was turned on his side, arms wrapped securely around Moxy with his face buried in the top of her head. She smiled at Ox when he walked up to the side of the bed. Mandy had laid out fully on the bed and wrapped her arms around Lou from behind. The Pretty Doll was out like a light along with Lou.

Ox just opted for turning the fan on a higher level and sat the rag down on Moxy's desk. "Ox," Moxy whispered, "Could you get the blanket in my closet?"

The bunny retrieved a soft grey throw blanket and draped it over the three. He patted Lou's leg softly, "Let me know when he wakes up." She nodded. Closing the curtains, he closed the door behind them.

[bestworstcase]

I'm sorry, "he manipulated her into serving her abusers"? No. Just. No. Salem didn't tell him about how she led an army against the Gods that ended the world (The Gods' fault for being so fucking petty, but also Salem's fault for also being so fucking petty and self-righteous that she thought she could hurt Gods. Not to mention how she was so willing to throw away as many lives as possible just to get payback at the Gods) because she was worried he would hate her for it. Oz didn't tell Salem about the Gods' mission because he was unsure of the truth. The God of Light tipped him off that something had changed about Salem, that she wasn't the same person, and then when he got back, she looked that THAT. I wouldn't have kept the truth, too. It's exactly the same as what RWBY did with Ironwood. They saw the state that Mantle was in, and decided to keep the truth from him until they deemed that he could trust him. It was Salem who decided to try and unite humanity, not Oz. He didn't manipulate her into doing that. He also didn't manipulate her into choosing to become the new Gods. He went along with it, but he didn't manipulate her. He finally decided to spill the truth for the same reason RWBY did for Ironwood: things had gotten out of control. She was massacring people and she was enjoying it. And sure, she was calm as he told him, but then she suggested they commit mass genocide because she saw these people as lesser, and replace them with their own race. That's a sign that she was too far gone. She was not the woman he once knew, he was scared of her, you could see it in his face. Especially when she caught him with the children. She was suggesting that they use their own children to repopulate the world.

And, does it matter whether Oz decided to seal the Relics away first or not? If he did, it was because he knew how dangerous they were. He recognized that Salem or others might attempt to take them and use them. If that is what caused Salem to strike, that's entirely on her. In the end, yes, the Gods are to blame. But you seem to be intent, from my understanding, to shift a lot more blame onto Oz than Salem. Was he paranoid? Yes. But he had a damn good reason to be. Though the fairy tales from the book should all be taken with a grain of salt, it is evident that there are seeds of truth amongst them.

Both Salem and Oz are victims. Was he the "chosen one"? Yes. And you know what that got him? Continually punished over and over again. Oz is being punished just as much as Salem is. Unlike Salem, who shows she cares little for others and sees herself as higher than them, Oz has been humbled. He sees them as people he must protect, and he watches them die over and over.

Oz is not innocent. He's made mistakes, mistakes that have led to the death of people under his wing and people he cared for. He lied out of fear and when confronted with the truth he ran. When Salem's lies were put into the open, she attacked. I see far too many people hope that Oz and Salem reconcile and try to defeat the Gods together and that's just disgusting. Salem has hurt him, hurt people he cared about. She kidnapped, tortured, dehumanized, experimented on, and turned people - living people - into her pets. She tortured a 15-year-old boy. Whatever Oz may or may not have done, nothing is comparable to the horrors and atrocities she has committed in the name of her own selfishness and pettiness. Maybe if she had tried to come to Oz of her own free will, without suggesting mass genocide, they could have talked about a way to be free of their curses. But she didn't. She murdered and mutilated and took great glee in it. Because in her twisted sense of justice, she deserves this pleasure after the Gods took everything else away from her.

*clears throat* all the devastation salem caused in atlas is ruby’s fault because ruby is so petty and self-righteous that she thinks she can stop an immortal sorceress orders of magnitude more powerful than anyone else on the planet. she threw away the lives of all those people just to get payback for the fall of beacon. so selfish of her, fighting back against a terrible evil more powerful than she could fully comprehend until now.

🙄

the gods responded with horrific, over-the-top cruelty when a grieving young woman had the audacity to take no for an answer from one of them and then ask the other for the same thing, then lash out after they revived and immediately killed her dead lover twice, a completely understandable and human reaction for which they decided she needed to suffer for eternity or until they decided she was sufficiently contrite.

then—after apparently several decades spent trying to kill herself, given that a whole new kingdom forms in the interim—salem fomented a rebellion against them and they slaughtered every. single. person. on. the. planet. to punish her for it.

the gods were not just “petty.” the gods are evil tyrants who feel entitled to do whatever they please with their creations and became incensed when humans defied them. the god of light explicitly views modern humans as inferior imitations of their ancient predecessors because they lack the blessings of the gods—i.e. magic—and he fully intends to kill them all again should they fail to sufficiently redeem themselves for what salem did, something they had nothing to do with on account of not having even existed at the time.

according to the gods, humanity as it is now deserves to die. if the relics were brought together and judgment day happened now, everyone on the planet would be killed. is that fair? is that just? is that right?

ozma decided that it was, when he chose to commit himself to the task of redeeming humanity. he is the chosen one of an evil god and it’s brought him nothing but suffering and a slow, painful corruption of his own ideals. because he serves a tyrant who holds that humanity deserves to die.

salem told him the salient information—that the gods slaughtered everyone—and may or may not have told him about her rebellion. (jinn says “salem, fearing ozma would reject her, blamed the end of the world on the gods.” that is not a statement that precludes salem sharing the events leading up to the massacre; she put the blame where it belongs, and the amount of detail she went into is ambiguous.) he told her nothing. they were happy for a time, and then ozma started to fret about humanity “seem[ing] more divided than ever.”

he’s the one who brings it up as a problem. salem suggests a possible solution and offers wholehearted support for something she believes is ozma’s personal ambition. she hears him worrying about the chaotic, troubled state of the world and enthusiastically goes well then, let’s use our power to help, let’s fix it!—at which point ozma visibly realizes that there’s a critical disconnect, because he wants to unite humanity to appease the gods and salem went right to making the world better than it was under the gods. he listens to her whole spiel with zero concern about the points she’s making until she says they could “create the paradise the old gods could not,” whereupon he goes D: and glances away as he realizes this. the time to tell her the whole truth was then, and he knew that, and he chose not to.

that’s where the manipulation lies. salem said something that firmly, unambiguously confirmed she would never get on board with the divine mandate—inherent to the idea of creating a paradise without the gods is the idea that humans not only don’t need the gods but might even be better off without them, and that worldview is simply incompatible with the view that humanity needs redemption in order to be worthy of existence—and ozma recognized that but still didn’t tell her the truth. he accepted her support for YEARS without ever telling her that his “ambition” was actually a mandate coming from the gods she despised and fundamentally opposed.

and then, once he started to get cold feet about the crusading tyranny thing, he dropped the mandate in her lap instead of engaging with the moral question of whether being crusading tyrants was the right call. “this isn’t what he asked of me” is a very different objection from “going to war to force our way of life on everyone else is wrong,” and we have no way of knowing how salem might have responded to the latter because at no point did ozma try to make an argument besides “the gods told me to do this.”

ironwood makes a good point of comparison here: imagine if, instead of the kids consistently challenging ironwood on his escalating authoritarian tendencies and urging him to choose another path, they had instead gamely gone along with everything he said and allowed him to think they agreed with him completely, only for oscar to confront at the very end not with an argument that abandoning millions to save a couple thousand is wrong but by going “ozpin told me he disapproves, so you should stop this.”

( kshfbsk also like. you realize that salem is effectively a grimm faunus, right. she’s a person with the physical traits of a grimm but a human soul. salem inexplicably looking like a grimm but still acting like a person in a world where other people equally inexplicably had animal traits is, um, not equivalent to mantle being crawling with drone soldiers and propaganda feeds and special forces who arrest people for defending themselves against the grimm. “ozma didn’t tell salem the truth because she looked scary and lived in the wilderness far away from all the people who told him scary stories about her and also kept their faunus slaves in literal cages” is… not the defense of him that you think it is )

and look: even if you buy that salem’s reasoning was “one of our four daughters has magic, therefore nothing the gods said matters and we can murder everyone to breed new magical humans somehow”—which, for the record, i don’t—the right thing would have been to challenge her on that thinking, the way oscar did with ironwood at the end of v7. ozma… didn’t do that. he was shocked and then he wavered for a moment before walking out, even though—as her partner, and someone she cared about enough to implicitly and immediately forgive him for lying to her for so long about something so important—if anyone could have gotten through to her, it would’ve been him. (see also: there’s a very quick beat right after she catches him leaving where salem relaxes her hands and begins to glance away while ozma visibly braces himself—it’s like half a second but very obvious once you notice it—followed by a very close shot on salem’s face as she catches that movement, startles, and angrily retaliates. like. ozma tensed up because he wasn’t sure how she would react, but salem started to back down until she perceived that motion as aggression. ozma had just revealed to her mere hours ago that he serves and intends to keep serving an evil god who threatened to kill everyone: she’s no less shocked, horrified, and blindsided by ozma’s moral position here than he is by hers. given that she was also fully dressed and headed for their daughters’ room in the dead of night there’s every possibility she was going to do the exact same thing, i.e. take the kids and run because her partner just sprinted past the point of no return. but because of that moment of hesitation and reaction, i think she would have been receptive to discussion had ozma actually tried to reason with her—just as ozma would have been receptive to discussion if salem had actually followed through on backing down.)

( and if she meant literally anything else, like for example “the gods left and won’t come back unless we summon them, so none of their threats matter and we can carry on replacing them as the new gods instead of ‘redeeming’ these humans,” then even just a single question about what she was thinking could have resolved the whole thing peacefully. their daughter having magic wasn’t relevant to the discussion and while jinn constructs the narrative to imply otherwise, and ozma was definitely unsettled by the development and had it in mind when he told salem the truth, there’s no indication that salem connected those dots. if salem were otherwise obsessed with magical power, sure, it’d be open and shut, but salem has literally never once spoken of magical power in a positive light. it’s always qualified with “it brings with it a crippling weakness” or “remember that it comes with a cost” and half her interactions with cinder involve salem trying more or less delicately to get cinder to STOP fixating on it and her methods are oriented around exploiting weakness and turning her opponents’ strengths against them, an approach that can and does succeed without requiring the use of magic at all. she’s… not exactly hung up on magic. )

anyway.

fundamental to my reading of salem is that i don’t think ozpin is correct about what she wants: that this isn’t suicide-by-eschaton, it’s salem going for the relics now because she has what she believes is a workable a plan to take down the gods. (that was her ultimate ambition for millions of years before ozma reincarnated. i don’t believe she’s abandoned it just because ozma committed to serving them.) also, the gods 1. hate her and have gone to extreme lengths to torment her, and 2. already ensured she would live and suffer through one extinction and apocalypse. salem has EVERY reason to expect that if the gods return and rule against humanity, they’ll obliterate the world and leave her stranded in the rubble again or worse.

she also knows exactly how cruel, exacting, and unfair the gods are. she knows that what the god of light meant by “demand our blessings” was “ask for things i don’t think you deserve,” because he perceived her genuinely humble first plea as a demand. she knows that this is an impossible ultimatum because as long as she is alive and defiant the gods will never, ever be satisfied, and they WILL condemn the rest of humanity for her defiance because they’ve done it before. and she knows that ozma is fully committed to carrying out their will, which means that if he ever feels like humanity is “united” enough, he’ll bring the relics together himself on faith that the gods will rule in humanity’s favor, and he’ll be wrong, and everyone except her will be killed. again.

i wonder why ozpin suddenly locking the relics away in magical vaults after engineering an unprecedented global peace by doing exactly what she once told him was necessary to unite the world, which is crushing everyone who stood against his ideology in battle and forcing them to submit to his vision of the world, might have FREAKED HER OUT A BIT. it’s a mystery.

ozma isn’t responsible for her choices, for the terrible things she’s done and is doing, but he is responsible for his own: for choosing to bow to a god who told him flat out that his entire species deserves to die. salem’s hatred of him, and her determination to prevent him from succeeding in his divine task, cannot be separated from her resistance to the god he serves.

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[sam-t-a]

Okay. 

*Deep breath* 

I think I’m finally calm enough to put into words exactly why I hated the finale and why I wasn’t completely surprised that I hated it. 

(Heads-up: this is really long and pretty negative. If you disagree, I would of course appreciate your point of view and love to hear it, but just thought I’d let you know in case this is the kind of post you would like to avoid.)

To me, it felt like every character on the show got betrayed in some way or another, but the main ones are Han Seo (devastatingly), Chayoung (obviously) and Han Seok (bear with me). 

Cha Young: 

She started out as a solid FL who annoyed some people for sure, but who had so much promise as someone unconventional and bold. The way her mother’s death affected her and caused a clear shift in her personality was a super interesting plot point that really never got explored. We have no idea how she came to sacrifice her morality in joining Wusang, just that she wanted to spite her father, which is a very superficial exploration. She gets cute idiosyncrasies in lieu of an actual character and an actual character arc. 

We also, halfway through the show, seem to forget that her father's death was the initial trigger. Cha young does not suggest bold ideas or intricate plans, she doesn’t fill the gaps Vincenzo is incapable of filling (because that would require that Vincenzo have flaws, and that’s not something the writers can abide), and she’s literally victimized in episode 19 and bedridden in episode 20, and that is IT. 

Someone who started out supposedly as Vincenzo’s equal just became another piece in his chess set, no matter how important a piece she may be. 

So her role as a badass avenger is trashed. That leaves her role as a love interest. Now, as Vincenzo’s love interest, she was supposed to get kidnapped in like episode 5 or 6 at the most if the villain has any brains whatsoever (Han Seok may or may not, more on that later). We need a reason for that not to happen too early. Cue villain is somehow in love with her for all of 15 minutes or so throughout a 20-episode series because a love triangle is inconceivable with the show’s current structure and for its purposes. 

So, she spends 15 or so episodes making the first move on Vincenzo, every time, putting herself out there, creating cute moments, getting nothing in return, and then he leaves. No confession, nothing much, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye or give her the choice of coming with him. 

I’m sure more chayenzo-oriented fans have already expressed all the necessary outrage over this, so I’ll move on to the part that I’ve personally been way more emotionally invested in from the get go: the Jang brothers. 

Han Seo: 

I was among the minority that  hated the “Vinny hyung” angle from the get-go and I’ve ranted about it in another post, so I won’t get into it here in-depth, but basically it was because I felt like Vincenzo hadn’t earned it, so to have the last words Han Seo hears be “You deserve to be my brother” or whatever the fuck he was on about PISSED ME OFF. It’s VINCENZO who doesn’t deserve to be Han Seo’s brother and hasn’t done a single thing to earn it. He was a good ally. The situation he allowed Han Seo to be a part of was beneficial to him, but Han Seo’s attachment to him was neither healthy nor heartwarming, and it certainly wasn’t returned on the level he offered it.

Vincenzo’s disregard of his death didn’t strike me as odd because I never saw enough indications that this was a two-way street and Han Seo’s safety and well-being came second so often that I didn’t get the impression Vincenzo was doing much to keep him alive. This is what I meant when I said the show was glorifying a torture survivor’s trauma responses. Han Seo himself, as a torture survivor, meant nothing to them. He was just there to create one more contrived comparison between Vincenzo and Han Seok. Instead of recovering from the trauma, it’s simply employed to someone else’s favor. He doesn’t go to prison for Han Seok, he takes a bullet for Vincenzo, and we’re supposed to see that as so much better.

All of that might (JUST MIGHT) not have ruined the show for me if he’d died better. 1) It was narratively pointless and totally avoidable, 2) they could’ve framed it as heroic, but instead Han Seok’s hand patting his head is pushing it down, so he can’t even get shot with his chin up and his back straight, Taec’s already taller, so the angle’s fucked and the whole cinematography screamed “kicking an injured puppy” and most certainly NOT “survivor finally stands up to his abuser”. The final nail in the proverbial and literal coffin is that he is mourned by no one. They’re FLIRTING not 3 MINUTES LATER, it felt so tone deaf and left such a bad taste. As I said, I didn’t expect significant mourning from Vincenzo (gotta say, I didn’t expect no mourning, that was a shocker), and Cha young and the tenants had no real interactions with him and no reason to mourn him, which left only one person who could. 

Which brings me to Han Seok. 

Han Seok started out as a solid villain, clear goals, clear skills that help him achieve his goals and basically make him a villain worth defeating, and a very complex relationship with both his own psychopathy and his brother. 

Let me get it out of the way: I do not believe Han Seok is capable of killing Han Seo because he had every reason and every opportunity to do so in previous episodes and couldn’t do it (I say couldn’t because a certain degree of reluctance is in itself inability). Han Seo’s danger far outweighed his material value the minute he shot Han Seok and then completely lost any value once he came out to the world as the chairman and it became clear that the prosecution would be going after him if anything happened, and not his brother. But time and again, he’s proven he’s all bark and no bite when it comes to Han Seo (killing-wise, specifically). 

The scene where he asks him to beat Vincenzo to death could be interpreted as him wanting to give Vincenzo the “painful death” he would have given him, but honestly, I think he was way past that point. He just wanted him dead in the “You crazy? we have to kill him before he kills us” sense. To that end, killing off a key ally of Vincenzo’s, who betrayed you and almost got you killed a bunch of times, should take priority, but Han Seok’s priority is reclaiming Han Seo by forcing him back onto his side. Now, much like his “love for Cha young”, Han Seok’s keenness on not killing his brother was essential to the writers so that Han Seo can justifiably make it this far and still be useful to Vincenzo (he can’t help if Han Seok completely excludes him from all events, plans and management processes, so Han Seok needs to want to keep him on his side enough not to do that even when it’s more prudent). 

All of this isn’t to say it’s unbelievable that he would kill Han Seo, but it’s DEFINITELY unbelievable that he would stay the same man after killing him. Someone here (I’m sorry, I don’t rememebr who) once said that Han Seo had become, over time, far more of a foil to his brother than Vincenzo was. To me, this means that Post-Han Seo Han Seok would be out of balance (tilted screen), unhinged in a way he never was before. The Han Seok we see shrugs and “oh, well”-s and moves on in a flash, not really any different from the villain he was four minutes and a whole brother earlier. 

This is very consistent with the way the show has been de-humanizing him from the start. I’m not saying this to defend Han Seok in any way, he’s a serial killer, an abuser and a total maniac. But you can be all those things and still a human being. In fact, you can ONLY be those things if you’re a human being. The show used its villain vs villain idea to justify a lot, but in the end, Vincenzo had to be a protagonist. He had to follow up every “I’m a villain” with a contrived “but at least I’m not (insert something worse)”. 

On the level of humans:

1) Vincenzo is supposedly different because he doesn’t hurt children or women (unless the women deserve it, and shooting a parent in front of their kid doesn’t count as hurting.) 

But we never see Han Seok hurting women or children either. In fact, if we proceed with the “chayoung is the myung hee of the good guys” comparison, he hasn’t hurt any women nearly as badly as Vincenzo did. 

2) Babel vs Mafia 

Babel’s corruption is compared a lot to the mafia, with Vincenzo commenting repeatedly that the people are WORSE than the mafia...which is bullshit. Babel is a set of companies that provide goods and services, but use illegal means to maximize their profit, so they hurt/kill people in the process because they want more money and care about money more than ethics. The Mafia is an inherently criminal organization that functions PURELY on the basis of its criminality. Every single dime Vincenzo spends is blood money. None of it is clean. And while we’re on the topic, I find the whole “taking Miri under his wing” thing pretty unreasonable too because he tried to have her killed you guys, I cannot believe we’re just glossing over that. He had everyone who worked on that vault killed, just random fucking construction workers. And he’s not sorry. And the show tells you he shouldn’t be. 

3) Repentance

Han Seok says outright he won’t atone, and while Vincenzo says no such thing out loud he just...doesn’t repent, I guess. He keeps the blood money, he goes back to being a full-time mafia dude doing mafia things. He leaves the same man he arrived. 

So, if on the level of harm inflicted upon humanity, Vincenzo and Han Seok are pretty much equal (and Vincenzo might actually be worse), then why should we root for Vincenzo? 

Well, my friend, that’s where the dehumanization comes in! 

I was initially very excited to see their portrayal of a psychopath because of the very interesting ways in which the informal moral code and official justice system surrounding a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist affect their behavior and their chances of not turning out rotten, and the show looked like it was looking at corruption in general. 

But as the show went on, the villain vs villain thing proved not to be enough, Vincenzo has to be better in some way (or if you’re as obsessed with him as the writers are, then ALL ways), so it became a villain vs monster narrative. Vincenzo isn’t ethical or fair or in any way interested in having a remotely positive impact on society, but at least he’s A HUMAN BEING unlike SOMEBODY. So, the characterization goes to shit, Han Seok becomes a cartoon card-board cut out of a villain and emphasis is put on how pointless his violence is, as opposed to how purposeful Vincenzo’s is. 

This is dangerous on multiple levels (and I promise this is the last point I’m making). 

1) For people in general, dehumanizing abusers/murderers/etc. makes us very liable to forget that you don’t have to be “a monster” to cause harm, and it makes people complacent in their belief that they are “not bad people” since they aren’t total monsters. The Banality of Evil is a thing, and in this series, it goes completely ignored. No one is inherently incapable of good or inherently undeserving of humanity. 

2) For victims of abuse in specific, it’s dangerous to portray abusers (including serial killer and non-serial killer ones) as entirely bad and unlovable, because it poses the dual risk of making victims less likely to acknowledge their abuse if it comes from someone who cares about or loves them on some level because the idea that someone cannot both love and hurt you is so stereotypical. Your abuser can genuinely want you in their lives and need you and, on some level, love you, and IT DOESN’T MATTER if that love doesn’t stop them from hurting you. 

On the other hand, portraying the victims of abuse as capable of flipping an off switch and hating the abuser with no hesitation or second thoughts to the point of unapologetically and cheerfully helping someone kill them and having no mixed feelings about it sends the message that if you CAN’T do that, then are you really abused? Are sure you’re not complicit in your own abuse? Do you even want to get rid of them? 

So this is basically why the way the show ended was so painfully disappointing for me. And the main reason it hit so hard was that it was initially so good and had so much promise. I really expected more.

[yandere-daydreams]

Kinktober - Day Eleven

Prompt: Office Desk

Pairing: Kuroo/Reader (Haikyuu!!)

TW: Non-Consensual Touching, Abuse of Power, Implied Financial Manipulation, Sexual Harassments, Delusional Mindsets, and Dehumanization.

It wasn’t even his desk.

Kuroo didn’t have one, technically. He had a dedicated conference room, three different phone numbers, and business cards he found a reason to hand out so often, you’d learned to put in a request for replacements every other week whether or not he asked, but he didn’t have a desk, he just wasn’t on-site enough for there to be a need. You had one, though. As his personal assistant, you had your own office, something you never would’ve dreamed of when you first signed up for an internship under the Volleyball Association. It’d seemed like a miracle when he first showed off your new territory, and you thanked him so profusely and so wholeheartedly, you were almost scared he’d revoke the privilage just to calm you down. For a few weeks, you’d loved it. For a few weeks, it made you feel like you belonged with your infinitely more qualified coworkers. For a few weeks, it made you feel like you were an actual professional.

Now, it just made you feel like a trophy, one who’d been more than happy to lock itself into a gilded case.

You find yourself wishing you hadn’t put so much effort into decorating, a lot of the time. It might’ve made it easier to let Kuroo bury his face in the crook of his neck if you didn’t find your attention drifting to the painting you’d hung on the closest wall, just over his shoulder, from your current perspective. If you’d never brought in a succulent, short and round with needles that were softer than they were sharp, it might not hurt so much to hear the ceramic pot hit the floor and shatter as he shoved it to the side, your skin stifling soft curses as dirt and shards of clay spilled over the carpeted floor. You might not feel so filthy, if you hadn’t thought to bring in a framed picture of your family, all smiling faces and bright expressions and prying, unblinking eyes that burnt holes in your back as his fingers brushed against your thigh, as his teeth brushed against your shoulder, as he touched you in a way that was anything but appropriate for the workplace you thought you could grow to love. The workplace you really, really wanted to love. The workplace Kuroo had laughed at, crumpled, and ripped to shreds the moment his hand dipped to your lower back and he admitted you’d be doing more than just making spreadsheets and scheduling appointments.

He’d just come back from one of his frequent business trips earlier that afternoon, and it showed. You should’ve made and excuse the moment he called you from the airport, the moment he told you he’d be stopping by the office to finish some post-contract paperwork, and you should’ve screamed when he took you by the wrist and asked you to stay for just a few minutes longer than the rest of the staff, for just long enough for you and him to have the floor to yourselves. You’d just nodded, though, agreed and let him drag you onto your desktop, posed like a perfect, complacent, obedient doll as he took you by the hips and forced his tongue down your throat. You could only consider yourself lucky he’d gotten bored of your mouth quickly, and his lips were on your neck, now, biting and sucking until he knew he would leave marks.

The receptionist would probably ask you about it tomorrow, and you’d laugh and say your date last night had gotten a little intense. It’d be a lie, but at this point, telling the truth sounded more implausible than any amount of fictional one-night stands and nonexistent boyfriends ever could.

You wished he wouldn’t talk, you really wished he wouldn’t talk, but Kuroo had never been very good at keeping quiet. “A week.” He was muttering, mumbling, talking to himself and only barely bothering to process the idea that you might hear him. You couldn’t blame him, honestly. You tried not to talk when Kuroo got like this, and he liked to fill the silence. He didn’t seem to care whether or not you were listening. “Those fuckers kept me away from you for a week. I couldn’t think about a damn thing,” He chuckled, shaking his head. You couldn’t see him, but you felt his grin as it pressed against your shoulder, Kuroo eager to get you as close as possible and trap you there, until he was forced to let go. “Almost fumbled the deal ‘cause I was so desperate to get back. I thought I was losing my mind, for a second there.”

“You could’ve called.” It was a weak attempt to placate him. You were thankful for every hour he was gone, for every minute you could concentrate on your work rather than the needs and urges of your boss, but you might be able to tolerate more exposure to him, if it just meant he was a little less touchy when you saw him in-person. “It’s not like I have anything better to do, when you’re not here.”

He pulled away, at that, just long enough to send you a playful smile and bring up one of his hands, nimble fingers soon toying with the buttons of your shirt, undoing them with all the grace and all the speed of someone who had far too much experience. You didn’t bother trying to stop him. Last time you did, he’d left a ring of bruises around your wrists, and your back had ached for days, afterwards - hell, he’d even threatened to cut your pay for ‘insubordination’. If you resisted, it meant he got to be rough with you. And if he was rough, he wouldn’t stop being rough until he knew you were too beaten-down to make the same mistake twice.

“Missed me that much, huh?” You didn’t deny it or indulge him, but Kuroo was already moving on, tugging on your sleeve and letting crisp, white fabric wrinkle and pool, exposing the top of your chest. Your fists tightened as he kissed over the area above your collarbone, your nails biting into your palms as his teeth sunk into tender flesh, harsh enough to draw specks of blood. There was a moment to let the indents set, a second of searing, burning pain, then Kuroo withdrew, looking over his work with a satisfied huff. “You shouldn’t say things like that, baby. Every time you do, I think about how sweet it’d be to bring you home.”

There it was, the ever-looming threat, the worse alternative - he was going to bring you home. He’d told you about the life he wanted countless times, ranting about how nice it would be to have someone to keep his bed warm, about how he’d always like the idea of a stay-at-home partner, about how cute you’d look in an apron and little else. Spending a third of your day dealing with Kuroo was bad enough. You couldn’t, absolutely couldn’t let him monopolize your personal life, too. “I like having a job,” You managed, hastily, straightening your back and forcing yourself to take him by the shoulders. “I’ve never been very good at cooking and cleaning, I’m a lot better with--”

“You’re a lot better at keeping your dirty mouth shut.” Instantly, you fell silent, and Kuroo hummed contentedly. “I know you can learn, (Y/n). You’re so smart, and resourceful, and beautiful - that’s why I hired you.” You winced at the admission, but he didn’t seem to notice. The only hint that he acknowledged your disappointment came in the form of a fleeting peck to the corner of your jaw, an arm snaking around your waist and pulling you towards him, until your chest was flush with his. “You know how to do what's best for yourself, and I know what’s best for you. My pretty little secretary is never gonna work for anyone else. I’m the only one you whore yourself out to, right now, and I’ll be the only person who gets to see your face everyday, nobody else can.” He paused, but he didn’t hesitate. His tone was arrogant, when he continued, confident. As if there was no doubt in his mind you couldn’t take care of yourself, not on your own. “Nobody else deserves to, besides me.”

You weren’t a secretary, you were an assistant. It was a small distinction, and aside from the name, there was virtually no difference, but it nagged you, eating away at something in the back of your mind until you had to say something. You almost corrected him. You tried to, but as soon as you moved to speak, there was a shove, a push that left you lying on your back and made your desk shake under the force. A jar of pens tipped over, a stapler toppled onto its side, and something made of glass fell over and cracked, loudly. Your picture frame. It had to be your picture frame, you were sure of it.

For some reason, you had a feeling you wouldn’t be replacing it.

[spookyboywhump]

Yo this drabble has been due for. A long time. But better late than never right-

Some content early on in Zander’s time with Cain

CW: Charles Whitaker is a big part of this one so obligatory child abuse warning (Cain is an adult in this piece though), pet whump, dehumanization, hand whump, brief mention of spiders

***

Daniel- no, Zander, learned the dynamic of the household within the first few days. Cain owned him, and though he made a genuine effort to assert that, he wasn’t very good at it. Cain got angry quickly, he got frustrated with any disobedience, but it was more discouragement than anything, as if he were irritated he couldn’t handle his own dog.

Cain, was owned by his father- only to be referred to as Sir or Mr. Whitaker, from Zander anyway, almost the same from Cain he realized. Cain was his son, but Zander quickly picked up on the fact that Mr. Whitaker treated him the way he expected Cain to treat Zander; like an animal.

As much as he didn’t like Cain, he didn’t like the way his father spoke to him more. He didn’t blame him from seeming to avoid the man, dragging Zander from the room whenever he came in, hiding in his room while his father was home, keeping Zander very close when he had to be around him. His father was rude, condescending, and he could see that Cain was anxious and uncomfortable every time they interacted.

He didn’t expect it to be this bad though.

It started out as an argument, though Zander wasn’t even sure what it was about. He had tuned out their conversation as he usually did, the easiest way to keep himself sane. They were in Mr. Whitaker’s office at the time, and he’d gotten caught up in watching the tarantulas in their glass tanks, trying to remember if he knew anything about the spiders.

It was a sound that startled him to attention, and at first he wasn’t quite sure what it was. He looked up from his spot on the floor, closer to the desk than where the two men were. Mr. Whitaker looked furious, a look that was even scaring him, and Cain… he was holding one hand to his face, visibly shaking. Zander quickly realized what had happened, and for a moment he was too shocked to even think straight.

He knew that Mr. Whitaker was a terrible person, he’d known since he’d first met the man, but this was… different. This wasn’t something Zander had experienced or even witnessed before, and as much as he didn’t like Cain, he still didn’t think he deserved that.

“Look at me when I’m fucking talking to you!” He shouted, roughly grabbing Cain by the arm. Zander barely thought before he jumped to his feet, anger causing him to act quicker than his common sense could tell him not to. He had raised his hand as if prepared to hit him again, and Zander was quick to roughly grab his wrist, his grip tight to keep him from further hurting Cain.

“Hey!” He snapped, glaring at the man, “Don’t fucking touch him!” For a moment Mr. Whitaker looked shocked that somebody would *dare* stand up to him, but that quickly turned to anger, and though it terrified Zander he still didn’t back off.

“Cain.” The man said through gritted teeth, “Call your dog off, or you're not going to have one much longer.” Zander didn’t like the implications of his words, but he only spared a brief glance at Cain, who seemed to try and compose himself.

“Zander, back off.” He said, almost sternly, but his voice was shaking, eyes almost pleading with him.

“Why?! So he can just fucking hit you some more?!”

“Zander, now.” He said, more of an order this time. He didn’t understand why, and though it just made him angry, he did let go, turning his glare back to Mr. Whitaker.

“Honestly Cain, you can’t be so useless that it’s that hard for you to control your damn dog!” Mr. Whitaker snapped at him. When Zander looked at him he saw the fear on his face, he saw how it quickly shifted to hurt. He didn’t even know Cain could feel hurt.

“I-I’m sorry, father, I’m going- I’m going to fix it, I’ll make him b-behave.” He stammered, desperately trying to end the conversation.

“You fucking better.” He said sternly. “Otherwise you’re going to end up just like him- another useless dog.”

Zander didn’t know why it set him off so much. It already pissed him off that he had hit Cain, but that threat in particular, threatening his son to put him in the same position that he was in now, something in him completely snapped. He moved without thinking, before he could tell himself it was a bad idea he’d balled up his fist and swung, punching him straight in the jaw.

Mr. Whitaker had stumbled back, Zander figured he hadn’t hit him hard enough, and he reacted quicker than he expected. He tried to move out of the way, thinking he was going to hit him back, but instead he grabbed him by the ear, his fingers catching on one of his hoop earrings.

“Fucking let go of me!” Zander snapped, trying to jerk back before he realized what he was holding onto, and instead of stopping him Mr. Whitaker gave a harsh yank, and suddenly Zander was able to step back without a problem. He felt the stinging from his ear but he assumed that was just from having it pulled on, but first he saw Cain staring at him with wide eyes, then he saw Mr. Whitaker, and the fact he was holding his earring still. He still didn’t quite get it, assuming it had just come off, but when he reached his hand up and touched his ear he quickly realized he was bleeding, jerking his hand away immediately to see blood on his fingers. It still didn’t hurt as much as he thought it should, he was more stunned than anything, which made it easy for Mr. Whitaker to suddenly grab him by the hair, dragging him from the room.

“You dumb fucking mutt,” He snarled, “You need to learn your goddamn place before I put you six feet under.”

“Fuck you! Let go of me!” Zander yelled, though he wasn’t having much luck at getting himself free. He was dragged down the hall, only to be thrown down the stairs, crying out in pain when he hit the bottom. His head had smacked against the hard floor and he swore he blacked out for a moment, dazed and in pain as he sat up. He didn’t get a chance to get away, he was too slow and he ended up being grabbed by the collar, dragged the rest of the way to that awful, sterile room down the hall from his cell. He’d only experienced it once so far, but he had a feeling that it would be a common occurrence. He was left on one side of the room, a short chain clipped to his collar and keeping him on his knees, forced to face the wall he was chained to.

“Raise your hand and hold it against the wall, boy.” He ordered him, but Zander didn’t move, instead he was trying to get himself free from the chain. After grabbing whatever it was he needed Mr. Whitaker stormed back over, he grabbed his wrist and yanked his arm up, forcing him to place the palm of his hand against the wall.

“The fuck are you doing?” Zander tried to see what he was planning, and his eyes went wide at the sight of the hammer he held, which he only saw just as it was brought down hard on the back of his hand.

He howled in pain, loud enough to block out the sickening sound of his bones breaking, his eyes screwed shut as he tried to jerk his hand away, but Mr. Whitaker had an iron grip on his wrist and even the slightest movement caused pain to shoot through his hand; he wasn’t sure he could even move his fingers at this point. He thought that would be the end of it, but he drew back again and once again his hand was hit with the hammer, harder than last time, and he only felt the excruciating pain for a split second before he passed out, the only relief he could possibly get in this situation.

***

He was still in that room when he woke up, but he wasn’t chained up anymore. He was laying flat on his back, staring up at the lights that were far too bright for him right now. He didn’t feel any pain at first, not until he tried to move, even the slightest twitch of his fingers brought all that agony back, it felt like he’d been hit a third time. He hissed in pain, squeezing his eyes shut again.

“Don’t move.” It was Cain, which for once, was of some relief to him. “Your hand is fucked.”

“I can feel that…” He muttered. He could feel blood had dried down the side of his neck, between getting thrown down the stairs and having his hand destroyed, he’d completely forgotten about his ear. He opened his eyes as Cain came over to him, and the first thing he noticed was his busted lip. “Fuck, did he-“

“Don’t.” He said bluntly. He knelt down beside him and helped him sit up, Zander wincing as he did so. Cain had brought a wet rag with him, doing his best to wipe away the blood that had dried on him. “You should consider yourself lucky. He’s done a lot worse to people for a lot less.”

“I don’t feel lucky.” He said, finally daring to look at his hand. He could only look for a second, it looked wrong and he had to look away before he passed out again. “Why are you helping me…?” He asked.

“Why did you punch my father?”

“He deserved it.” He shrugged, whimpering as even that movement hurt his hand more.

“And you deserve this. At least, this once you do.” He said, finally satisfied with having cleaned away most of the blood. “Your hand is going to hurt for a while, he said you aren’t getting it fixed until tomorrow.” Zander wasn’t entirely sure if this could be fixed, but he decided to just hope for the best, not that there was much else he could do.

Cain helped him back to his cell so he could at least be miserable on his bed. He’d never been in this much pain before, it wasn’t the first time he’d broken a bone, but when he broke his arm he’d been immediately rushed to a hospital, both his parents had been there, he wasn’t just left to suffer for hours. He felt sick to his stomach, even more so when he looked at Cain again after being helped to his bed and realized there was more than the split lip, the red marks on his face, around his neck. It made him angry all over again.

“Dude, are you- are you okay…?”

“I said don’t.” Cain snapped at him. “Just- just stop, okay? None of that concerns you, just, stay out of it. Sit down, stay quiet, just… pretend it’s not happening.”

“I can’t do that-“

“Well you’re going to have to.” He said. “It’s better for both of us, okay?” He hadn’t actually seen Cain like this yet, it seemed to come from out of nowhere but it was odd enough to him that he knew he was serious, that for once, he might want to actually listen to him. Well, he didn’t want to, but he might have to.

“Fine…” He muttered, and Cain seemed relieved.

“Thank you.” He sighed. “Try… try to take it easy for the rest of the night, okay? I don’t want your hand to get any worse.”

“Right…” He watched him leave the room, he seemed to hesitate for a moment but he left without another word, the door slamming shut behind him, leaving Zander alone in the dark room. He had no intention of getting up to bother with the light, in fact he tried his best to not move at all, tried to ignore the persistent aching pain that made him sick and brought tears to his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the wall, taking a shuddering breath and hoping desperately that Cain was serious about him getting treatment.

***

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[sola-whumping]

Umbran: The New Master

CW: pet whump, dehumanization, treating a whumpee as a nonperson, nonhuman whumpee, fae whump, heavily conditioned whumpee, nonsexual nudity (taking care of wounds)

Word count: 3,306

Nox woke slowly, his senses returning one by one. The first thing he was aware of was the soft surrounding him and the gentle hand running through his hair. The second thing he was aware of was the soft feminine humming, it was gentle and soothing like a summer breeze. He listened to the melody for a while, getting lost in the sound. He didn’t want to wake quite yet and fought the awareness that threatened to come for him. There would be pain waiting for him when he woke, he was sure of it. The last thing he was aware of was the tightness of the bandages around his chest and throat and the pain they caused him. He gave a small whine of discomfort. His bandages were not so tight that he couldn’t breathe, but not so loose that they were useless. Eventually, he was dragged to consciousness. 

“Good morning, Umbran, are you awake?” The humming had stopped in favor of speaking. Nox opened his eyes, remembering what had happened the day before. He had been sold again. 

“’M ‘wake.” He felt heavy, as if he’d been drugged. He vaguely remembered being bitten and recalled that this was the vampire, Evangeline. Gabrial had warned him about her. He tried to sit up, only to be eased back onto the bed. 

“You are hurt. You will answer my questions and rest. Once I am satisfied, you may have a bath and a meal.” The way she said it sounded a lot like mercy, though he knew there would be a catch. For the bath he expected ice water and to be held under. That’s what a bath had meant to Gabrial. The meal would surely be laced, if not outright poisoned. He was never fed that easily. Immediately suspicious but unable to do anything about it, he agreed. 

“What are your name and pronouns? I want to make sure I received the right creature.” Nox figured it was likely that she knew umbrans didn’t have any gender binary. Instead, they were physically non-binary, and while some leaned towards male or female (he leaned male), it was much more common that they were androgynous or didn’t fit the human stereotype at all. It was generally polite to ask an Umbrans pronouns or call them ‘they’ or ‘it’ instead of guessing. He also figured that Gabrial had promised her something better than him. 

“N-ox,” he croaked. His throat was dry and burned when he spoke. As soon as he made noise, the vampire lifted him and placed him in a sitting-up position. She put a cup of sweetened water to his lips, gently urging him to drink. 

He was grateful for the water. He hadn’t had any since before he was shipped. She turned cruel as soon as he tried to drink, only giving him a small bit of water at a time and then keeping the rest out of reach. Eventually, slowly, he drank the whole cup. He wanted more water. He was so dehydrated that he felt like he couldn’t get enough. He tried to ask for more, to plead if he had to, but his throat felt like fire, and when he made noise, he coughed weakly. 

His struggles were soon rewarded with another cup, filled with the same sugar water as the last. The only difference was that this one was a bit cooler and he was a bit less desperate. He still swallowed it down as quickly as he was allowed. 

The vampire gently reminded him of the question after the glass was stolen away once more. “Nox, m-ale pronouns,” he rasped. His throat felt a little better. He felt a little better. 

“Are you hungry, Nox?” He faintly realized he was desperate enough to not care if any food given to him was laced. Gabrial, his seller, had only ever fed him after he passed out and woke up again or in the days before shipping. He was more than hungry: he was starved. He gave a weak whine. He knew if she was asking that then she either intended to taunt and starve him or feed him, and he preferred the latter. 

She seemed to take the whine as his response, and in the next moment, there was a spoonful of something that smelled heavenly in his face. It was potato soup. He used to love potato soup. He was grateful to be allowed to eat something warm when he hadn’t done anything to earn it yet.. Something that wasn’t moldy bread was a treat in itself. 

He tried to rush and comply before she had a chance to change her mind about feeding him, trying to make it easier and maybe even feed himself. He failed. He was still heavy and weak and exhausted. All he managed to do was lean forward and open his mouth. His attempt was pathetic. 

“Good boy, that’s it. Easy, darling.”  She praised and cooed at him while he struggled for each bite. When the bowl was almost empty, she helped him drink bit more water before letting him finish the bowl. “Very good!” She ran her fingers through his hair and scratched his scalp. He was too weak to lean into the touch, but he felt a happy warmth in his chest. 

He hadn’t been called “good” or praised often, if at all, with Gabrial. It was no secret that the umbran hated him. He was often used as a plaything to beat around and hurt, rather than treated like the pets that were trained and sold. They got to find a forever home while he was rented for a party or a beating for a night or to someone who wasn’t sure if they wanted a Pet or not. He shivered at the memories and tried to focus on what was happening in the present. 

“Alright, sweetheart, it’s bath time. We need to clean those wounds and get you washed up.” Evangeline spoke to him as if he was a child. “Liam, darling, if you could.”

Suddenly, someone big and tall left the wall where they had been leaning and approached the bed Nox had been laying on. He hadn’t noticed them until they had moved and that worried him, he must be more out of it than he thought. He panicked slightly and keened in distress when he felt an arm slip under his knees and another tighten across his shoulders. He was lifted effortlessly- like he was weightless. Once he was picked up and stabilized, he could identify the figure as a tall human male- at least... he thought it was a male. Humans were supposed to have physical features that showed their preferred gender, but he could never tell. Gender was a human construct anyway. It was much better to learn the person rather than assuming. 

They spoke softly to him and he could feel their deep voice rumbling in their chest. “Hello, little birdy. My name is Liam.” Their arms felt strong around him and Nox almost felt… safe, being carried like this.

Nox gave a shy “Hello.” He liked Liam’s voice. They sounded calming and friendly even though their strength scared him. 

Nox was carried to another room. This one was painted a light blue. There was a big bathtub and shower. It was large enough that his wings wouldn’t be squished- if he still had them. He didn’t get to see the other half of the room until he was undressed and lowered into the already filled tub. There was a white foam on the top of the water that he considered beautiful. The water felt lovely. It was so warm that the heat immediately seeped into his bones. 

When he glanced up, something squeaked in his face, startling him badly and making him chirp in surprise. “Awww, Noxie, it’s just a rubber duck,” his master cooed at him, handing him a bright yellow toy. It was plastic and didn’t look at all like a duck. He squeezed it and startled himself again when it made a squeak sound.. He looked up to see her amused. 

He noticed some of the bubbles had clung to his arm when he moved. Curious, he licked it. It did not taste good at all despite how appealing it looked. His tongue stayed poked out as he recoiled. He heard his master laugh, and suddenly there was a dry towel wiping away the bubbles. 

“There, there, little darling, nothing to be distressed over.” She soothed. “Now we know that we can’t eat bubbles.” She sounded amused so Nox chirped at her, happy to have attention. 

He surveyed the water. If he was held under and waterboarded, it would be better than the cold water, right? Or would the bubbles compensate and make it worse. He couldn’t decide, so he figured he would have to wait and see. 

His master must have seen his expression because she spoke in a calm, soothing voice. “That’s Birdy bubble bath, made specifically not to hurt your feathers.” That hadn’t been what he had been worrying over- in fact, he hadn’t considered that the soap could hurt him at all-- but it was good to know. In response, he carefully lowered himself into the warm water, assuming that’s what she wanted him to do.  

Evangeline shielded his eyes and filled a cup with water before pouring it over him carefully to wet his hair. Then he felt something cold in the center of his hair. When he chirped a question, his master was kind enough to answer. 

“Just some shampoo, darling. I know I’m not supposed to use things like this on your hair, but I have to get the blood out somehow.” Her hands were gentle, not pulling or yanking even a little. He was fully expecting to be forced under, but- it hadn’t happened yet. The anticipation of waiting was almost as bad as the drowning itself. 

“Yes, ma’am.” He stayed still and quiet as the thing in his hair turned into more bubbles. They started white like the ones around him but soon turned a light pink. He was ordered to tip his head back, and upon complying, another cup of water was poured in his hair. 

This is it, this is where I get pushed under. He was in the perfect position; she could hold him under almost effortlessly like this. Not that he would fight at all. He was a good pet, and if she wanted to drown him, he’d stay under just like she wanted. 

“Sit up for me, treasure. I have to use conditioner, and then we will use the scrub brush and dry you up.” She led him up as he followed her guidance. As she had said, she put conditioner in his hair, carding her fingers through it as she went. 

Nox had to fight to stay still and not lean into the slight scratch of his scalp. He did adore being pet- not that he got the chance often. After she carded through his hair a bit, it became silky and smooth, though he knew it would be soft and fluffy once dried. 

She had him lean back again, shushing his little whimper as water got in his ears. He didn’t want to be drowned and this would be her best chance to do it. After this, she wouldn’t have to convince him back down into the water. He held his breath, but she only washed the conditioner gently from his hair. 

When he was let up again, he almost gasped out of shock. “Good job, little Birdy, you did very well for me. Now, I need you to stay still so I can clean your wounds. We don’t want them getting infected, now do we?” She hummed. 

Nox flinched. Cleaning wounds usually meant alcohol and painful healing and bandages wrapped so tight he couldn’t breathe. Getting an infection was usually kinder than the prevention methods. 

He flinched again when something gentle touched his back. His master placed a hand on his chest to stop him from moving away as she gently washed away the blood, cooing and soothing his whimpers when he started to get nervous. 

He was waiting for it to hurt, waiting for the salt and vinegar and alcohol to be poured. He wasn’t used to the gentle cloth wiping away his blood- not when he was still scared that the gentle touch would turn rough and rub his back raw. 

Nox took a breath to steady himself. Fear wouldn’t change the outcome. Whatever his master wanted to happen would happen and nothing he can do would change that. He took comfort in the helplessness. Nothing he could do would change anything, He repeated the words to himself, taking another deep breath and letting himself relax. Whatever will happen will happen. He focused on the hand on his chest and the cloth on his back, slowly cleaning the blood away. He took comfort in the helplessness. 

The water was a light pink now and some of his wounds had started bleeding again. His master pressed a cloth against the freshly reopened wounds to stem the bleeding and held it there until it had mostly stopped. 

When all the blood was gone, he was washed with something that smelled sweet and then taken out of the tub, only to be swiftly wrapped up in a warm towel. It was a dark color so the blood didn’t stain and could be washed out later. The towel was also strangely warm. His master had placed it on an odd sideways stand that radiated heat while he had been in the bath, presumably for that purpose. Regardless, he was grateful..

Nox was dried up and his hair was brushed before he even knew what was happening. He was a bit shocked going from the warm water to the cold air so quickly. He started to tremble from the cold. “Shh, we’ll get you warmed up, just hold on,” his master cooed, connecting an odd-looking piece of plastic to the wall. 

She turned it on, causing warm air to blow from it as if it was magic, creating wind effortlessly. He flinched when the warm air was suddenly on his face, then in his hair, then on the feathers trailing down the back of his neck. The magic wind felt lovely. It was nice and warm, chasing away the cold. After a few minutes he stopped trembling, his hair no longer wet. 

His master brushed it out and ran a hand through the now fluffy black mixed with brown. Now that he was clean, they could see the colors in his hair blended and mixed, like a molted feather pattern rather than anything human. His master hummed at him, thinking he looked adorable with his head tilted curiously at the blow dryer. 

“Can you walk, or should Liam carry you again?” She asked as she gently coaxed him into putting on a fluffy hoodie and some sweatpants. She would worry about decorum later, right now, her pet was in need of comfort. She had some rather strong words for his seller. She had ordered a pet, not a slave, and had expected him to have been treated with kindness rather than shoved in a box and strangled. She shook her head. It was practically animal cruelty, and the creature was so sweet that she didn’t think he could have done anything to deserve it. 

Nox had gone from gazing at the magic wind creator to backing in the warm blanket and the feeling of being clean, only to be snapped out of it with the question. “I-I can try, master.” He sounded terrified, but he did his best to suppress it. He hadn’t been hurt yet, and he didn’t think he’d be cleaned and dressed only to get all bloody again. Surely they wanted him for something else first- at least, he hoped. He tried not to be scared; vampires could smell fear, and being scared always made hurt time worse. They liked when he was afraid. Sometimes Gabrial said that the only good things about him were his pretty tears and his pleading. 

She almost cooed at him, the poor dear was so skittish. He sounded terrified of picking wrong. “That’s alright, darling, you just focus on resting. I’ll give you your rules tomorrow and I’ll write an email to that trainer of yours. They’ve been far too cruel to you.” 

Nox immediately tensed up when he heard email. That meant he was getting sent back. He didn’t even hear the rest of the sentence, too caught up in what he did wrong to warrant being sent back. Why would they clean him if they didn’t want him? Unless- unless he had answered wrong. Maybe they wanted him to be cute and helpless and need help with walking. Surely he was hurt before arriving for a reason. “I- I meant only if I was allowed, master- I didn’t want to assume- I’ve been so arrogant-“ he kept cutting himself off, too anxious to finish his sentence. “I’m s-sorry, plea-please don’t send me back” he pleaded. If nothing else, he begged well and cried beautifully for his masters. He hoped desperately that somehow he would be allowed to stay. He felt hot tears slip down his cheeks, sparkling with pastel colors. He truly was a pretty crier. 

The shine of light caught Evangeline’s eye. “Oh, sweetheart, what happened? What’s wrong, darling?” She tipped his head up by his chin and wiped away his tears, hushing the distressed umbran. “What’s got you so upset?” 

“You- you’re going to send me back,” he cried, distressed. He had been told if he was sent back before the first week, he’d be whipped again- it hadn’t even been a day. He couldn’t take it again so soon. He wouldn’t be able to stand it and the pain was unbearable. He was terrified of what would happen, less scared of Gabrial but rather the consequences that came with it. 

Evangeline was startled by his terror. “Oh darling, sweet treasure, you’re not being sent back, love.” She took his face in her hands and wiped away his tears. “Now that you’re mine, I wouldn’t let you go so easily.” It sounded like a comfort, but it wasn’t worded like one. Nox didn’t know how to feel until he felt a hand making its way  through his soft hair. Slowly, he let himself calm down. 

“Maybe a choice this soon is too much for you. Would you like me to pick for you?” She sounded like she was talking to an upset three year old- and Nox responded like one, nodding slightly and giving a small “mhm” as he was pet. 

“That’s alright, darling.” She cooed, turning to Liam. “Could you carry him? The poor thing is distressed.” Liam obeyed, moving to pick Nox up effortlessly. 

He carried Nox to his room. Liam set Nox down on his side in a little nest made of blankets rather than on his back. Then he stepped back so Evangeline could see Nox. she sat in a chair by his bed and spoke softly to calm him.

“It’s alright, sweetheart, you’re safe. No one will hurt you here. I’m sure you’re very tired, so I’ll make this quick, alright, darling?” She grabbed a great big blanket and draped it over him. 

Nox had started to relax with the soft voice. He felt safer under the blanket. It was cozy and warm and made him feel secure. When he looked up at his new master, he was greeted with a kind smile and a kiss on the forehead. She trailed a hand gently down his face so he would close his eyes. 

“Night night, Noxie.” And just like that, he was out.

✨Masterlist✨

Taglist: @haro-whumps @poisoned-by-royalty @sunset-avenuer @wide-awake-but-comatose @whumpsy-daisies @misspelledwitch @string-of-broken-hearts @captainseconds @lave-whump @whumping-out-of-time

[lexpressobean]

Headcanon: The Aburame Clan is Actually just as Bad as The Hyuuga Clan, but Aburame Branches act like Special Tributaries, not Condemmed Slaves

I just love the Aburame clan peeps okay? I love Shino, and Shibi, and Torune, and Muta, and Bug Ninjas are just so up my fucking alley, y'all don't even know. But as I expand my version of Aburame Clan Lore for my own enjoyment, I had a thought. Am I fully invested in this headcanon? Naw, I just thought it might be an interesting take but it's also partially fanfic too. I decided to share it anyways because why not?

Edit: oops I thought I had added a read more line.

••

Despite the obvious consanguinous marriage going on in the NartVerse, Shibi married Kiyo Hibiki (oc #1), a strong and accomplished kunoichi in her own right, but essentially a "village girl" with no historical prestige about her name. This was a rare instance of a complete outsider marrying into the clan, and even rarer, it was out of love. Because of this, Shibi refused to marry his predetermined fiance, which was his 4th cousin (oc #2) named Sarin. Sarin was the older sister of Yasushi (oc #3), who was also the last Formal Master of Kochu and Yoji Aburame's mother.

The main purpose of the coupling was simply a pattern that had developed over the clan's history to keep up the Main Familial line's pedigree in check and favorable. Unlike Dojutsu wielding clans, where Potency of the single Dojutsu is coveted, The Aburame clan has multiple branch families that specialize in certain traits and characteristics that are helpful to an Insect Weilding Shinobi, and many families specialize in specific Insect Usage for generations indefinitely. The Aburame clan is actually HUGE as a result. However, Kikaichu are the most coveted as they live off of and manipulate Chakra. Kikaichu Tolerance is a must for Clanhead Descendants.

Example: Lady Kakine (Shino's Pat. Grandmother/oc #4) was the daughter of the Aburame Clanhead and a Rinkaichu Master of that generation. Lady Kakine had a younger brother named Kachio (oc #5) who became the father of Shikuro Aburame.

Shibi and Shikuro were first cousins, and Shibi has evey ability to tolerate Rinkaichu as well. But like Kakine herself, who was the first "renewal" of that specific trait in a while, he was dismissed from Rinkaichu and was made to focus on Mastery of Kikaichu, the bread and butter of the clan.

The only exceptions to the rule made were if a coupling helped bring prestige to the clan, as with Lady Kakine and Lord Taibi Aburame (oc #6) a non-hive individual (*bad trait*), yet a member who built rapport with the Third Hokage as an accomplished ANBU operative with a special Hanekakushi Summoning (*compensation and benefit* **These were the leaders first bestowed Noble Status too, after defeating the Kamizuru Clan in defense of Konoha**)

***This is why Shibi was the one who took Torune in after Shikuro died. I REFUSE to believe Torune was left a touch starved orphan, LET SHIBI HUG TORUNE***

Because Shibi broke family tradition (not that Sarin minded, she and Shikuro HAD been a thing and also maybe most definitely encouraged Shibi to follow his heart because they were happy for him???) Shino was born with a muddled pedigree that definitely ruined a good amount of the Main Familial Line's poison resistance for one thing (Rinkaichu venom included). However, Kikaichu Tolerance IS what makes the Aburame clan, and has been so heavily emphasized that Shino showed no immediate or latent signs of intolerance. Shino also sparred heavily with other members as a child to test such things, especially with a non-hive member named Chiaki (oc #7), 3 years his senior and a Yellow Hornet/Apoidea specialist. Shino got stung a LOT. But at least he was able to tough it out lmao. That's all the clan elders cared about. Chiaki hated causing Shino pain, but also didn't want to lose more of his own insects to those monstrous Kikaichu than he had too.

Shino is currently recognized as Shibi's heir, but Shino had to WORK SO DAMN HARD to earn that fucking recognition. This is partially why Shino was so... asocial even as a young child, and so full of self doubt and anxiety when it came to simply being able to be CONFIDENT in himself and his abilities. He wasn't hated by his own clan, but older clan members were NOT the most approving of him. But they better have kept their opinions to themselves, because Shibi was an absolute horror to deal with when provoked. Younger clan members absolutely LOVE/D Kiyo and by association, couldn't bring themselves to ever see Shino in a negative light. So his mom was a commoner, what of it!?

Traditionally, Aburame couples with Specializations will have two children when that specific trait/characteristic is chosen to be the next add-on to the Main Familial Line. One child would be offered as a tribute and the other would continue that specific family's legacy. And as it was a pattern among many known and unknown traits of the Aburame clan, members could usually predict when a specific trait/characteristic would be in demand. It is considered an honor to be a Tribute, yet it is also an extremely tense time for the family of the tribute to the say the very least. Not to mention dehumanizing. But that's what makes Shino so special, he was made out of Love <3.

Bonus Headcanons for sticking around this long lol:

•Shibi passed Fire Release to Shino while Kiyo, passed Earth Release to Shino

•Shibi has deep viridian green eyes, Kiyo has bright golden brown eyes, so Shino has shimmering hazel green eyes, or the more flowery version, Shino has Central Heterochromia with outer green and inner brown and brown specks too!

•Shino is quite a literal mix of his parents in general <3

•Shino has a predetermined fiance of his own, but is TRYING to put that shit off for as long as possible. His fiance, Moya (oc #8) highly respects Shino but is in mutual agreement. Her trait is Venom resistance via Exposure, and as an adult works specifically as Konoha Hospital's Resident Toxicologist under Eirou Nara (oc #9), a lead Pharmacist within the Hospital. Shino and Moya have a good, but awkward relationship. If Torune were still alive, he'd ABSOLUTELY tease Shino AND Moya about it.

• I just like creating drama, man, it's kinda fun in it's own way.

So yeah, food for thought. Because as fun as it is play around with Kekkei Genkai in theory, all and all, being part of a clan must totally suck.

[stillness-in-green]

Thoughts on Chapter 314 (and surrounding events)

Being a loose summary of several things I thought about in relation to the leaks, what they say about the series as a whole, a bit of new operating headcanon on the Peerless Thief, and a dash of how fandom is responding to the revelations. Spoilers, obviously.

This chapter makes it quite clear that the HPSC absolutely would have gone in and eliminated the PLF quietly, lethally, and wholly unlawfully if Hawks hadn't reported back the numbers that he did. The only reason the raid involved non-Commission-affiliated heroes at all is because the PLF's manpower was simply too much for the Commission to deal with via their usual methods. I'm both appalled that the disregard for human rights in HeroAca Land is somehow even worse than I thought it was and smug that that tiny little piece I recently posted criticizing the PLF's treatment has turned out to be totally justified and supported by the canon.[1] (Note that this does not absolve Horikoshi of the responsibility to, himself, treat the PLF better than paper dolls tossed into the incinerator of Plot Irrelevance when they cease being convenient to his story.) The fact that the Commission was forced to involve heroes might mean Re-Destro, Mr. Compress and the others are somewhat safer than might otherwise be the case. Because of the involvement of the unsuspecting stooges law-abiding heroes, and because the botched raid became such a huge disaster, there’s far more public scrutiny on this than would otherwise be the case. Of course, "accidents" can still happen,[2] especially in a chaotic environment, but the factors above (combined with Clone!RD murdering the bejeezus out of the Lady Prez) do, I think, suggest that there probably isn't an organized push for quick solutions going on behind closed doors.

I don't think Nagant has been around for a terribly long time or that there was an uptick in vigilantism in recent years—I think the scene where she mentions vigilantes becoming accepted as heroes is just in reference to the early history of heroism. It's in keeping with what Tsukauchi Makoto described in Vigilantes, and forms the basis of the current system—the current system that Nagant was a single cog in a big machine grinding away to preserve.

Speaking of Nagant and the system, it's interesting to me that one of the groups Nagant apparently targeted at the HPSC's behest was corrupt heroes—those who colluded with villains or specifically goaded/incited civilians into using their quirks illegally, thus turning civilians into capital-V Villains in the eyes of the law. One might easily say that targeting corrupt heroes (albeit using a much broader definition of "corrupt") was Stain's whole shtick, but it actually puts me more in mind of the Peerless Thief, Harima Oji. Harima punished greedy or corrupt heroes with theft, and presumably with a measure of declaration and exposure,[3] then distributed their money back to the streets. Someone who ridicules those who abuse their power, and gets away with it for long enough to build a reputation: that right there is a recipe for a folk hero. The HPSC, in whatever form they existed at the time, obviously couldn't let that go on—such repeated humiliations would weaken peoples’ faith in (and obedience to) the system the HPSC was trying to build. At the same time, though, it would also weaken faith in the system to openly acknowledge that system's flaws, to acknowledge that some pretty awful people had found their way into the heroics business specifically for the power and ability to abuse it that the title of Hero afforded them. Public trials would make it a matter of record that some heroes—and, accordingly, heroes at large—did not deserve the public's unquestioning faith. Obviously in a system that was built from the ground up on faith, that was unacceptable. And so Harima was branded a supervillain for exposing the system's flaws, while the corrupt heroes who embodied those flaws to begin with were—and continue to be—quietly disposed of at the HPSC’s discretion.

There's a lot of talk around about how Lady Nagant is stupid, or hypocritical, or delusional, or whatever other dismissive adjective people want to use, because she expresses a preference for AFO's rule over the HPSC's. Firstly, I think it's dubious Lit Crit to fault a character for not being a Paragon of Rationality, especially when they're under the cascading stressors Nagant has been under since she was, what, 13? 14? Forced to live this dichotomy of smiling gallant hero and ruthless covert assassin, had her life threatened by the man who'd taken her in,[4] probably dumped in Tartarus until such time as her trial could be held,[5] and kept in those ghastly, dehumanizing conditions for who knows how long? How shocking, that her objectivity might be somewhat compromised! Secondly, it's not like she's saying that AFO's rule would be a sunny walk in the park. The kanji she uses doesn't even mean "better"; while it can mean serene or tranquil, her more likely meaning is clear/transparent. Her phrasing indicates that she's aware it would be pretty bad; she's simply of the opinion that at least his rule wouldn't be a sham, a pretty lie. It would be bad, but everyone would know it. No one would have these comforting illusions they could lose at any time; if you stepped out of line and got shot in the head by an assassin, well, at least you would probably know you that being defiant was running that risk, rather than never seeing it coming because you'd been told all your life that Heroes Didn't Do That To People. Again, this is a woman whose life was shattered no less than three times by the duplicity of the highest acting authority in this comic.[6] She doesn't have to be Objectively Correct By The Standards Of Ethical Utilitarianism—nor do you have to agree with her choice that because she doesn’t want to live in the Matrix, no one else should get to either—for her opinion to make sense from her own perspective! Thirdly, while I think it's fair to say that the HPSC and AFO actually use fairly similar methods to recruit followers and punish dissenters, we have no idea how much Nagant herself knows about AFO's recruitment tactics other than her own brief experience of it. And while AFO is a controlling and manipulative bastard, at least in his case it's coming from a man who openly styles himself as a Demon King, not an organization positioning itself as lawful regulators of the protectors of society at large while secretly training child soldiers to flagrantly violate every law protecting the human rights and due process of that society's people.

Overhaul's presence is delightful, and yes, he is a victim of Hero Society, if only because Hero Society could have put him in some kind of prison-based rehab facility after Shigaraki was through with him, but chose to dispose of him in Tartarus instead, for absolutely no justifiable cause. I suspect it's only due to Horikoshi not being very interested in the harsh realities of the trauma caused by enforced isolation[7] that Overhaul is the only Tartarus escapee that talks to himself and has dissociated from reality almost completely. Overhaul's maiming was not the fault of Hero Society, nor did Hero Society force him to torture Eri and repeatedly commit cold-blooded murder. But his madness? Yeah, I'm pretty comfortable laying that one at Hero Society's feet, actually. I can’t wait for Deku to have to face the victim that Chisaki Kai has become due to levels of systemic cruelty and negligence that really ought to be criminal—and which, if this were real life, would be.

--------Lately, footnotes are really popular with us!--------

[1] Lady Nagant: *talks about how the Hero Society everyone believes in is illusory, a thin fake over a brutal reality, and that returning to the false simplicity of that status quo will only cause history to repeat itself* Me, two weeks ago: Hero Society will never stop creating its own villains so long as, every time it fails people, it does nothing but shrug and write off the victims as unavoidable, inevitable sacrifices for the greater good.

[2] Yes, I'm still highly suspicious of the "Destro committed suicide in prison" claim.

[3] Compress tells us Harima “preached reformation,” but regardless, you don’t dress up in a modified kabuki costume and waltz midair through nighttime cityscapes raining cash out of the sky if you’re trying to keep your activities a secret.

[4] And her family situation couldn't have been much better than Hawks', if she was targeted by the HPSC to begin with. I would guess she was an orphan in the childcare system, easy to move from whatever alternative care arrangement she was in, be it an orphanage, a group home, or simply mature enough despite her relative youth that she lived alone on government support payments—that kind of thing isn't as unbelievable in Japan as it is in the U.S.—to the HPSC's care.

[5] And given what we learned between this chapter and 297, I doubt she was even allowed to be present for it. Japanese law states that everyone by default is supposed to be present for their own trial, but as in the U.S, that right can be waived if the defendant proves themselves to be a threat to the safety of the judge, court staff and other attendees. And of course, what a threat the HPSC could have painted her as being!

[6] At least until Hori deigns to show us a damn Diet session.

[7] To say nothing of the physical consequences of spending six months stuck in a tiny room with no natural light while frequently being strapped into a straitjacket, of which there should also be several.

[nyerus]

hii what are ur thoughts about having friends like FengQing? i will totally dislike them for leaving my side w/o any good reason if they were my friends. AND idk if i will forgive them if they show up years ltr (uk what i mean?) like where were u when i needed u both? why show up only now? yes ik.. youre both busy with all the duties and all... but im? here? alone? for the past few years:( and yes ik maybe youre guilty but isnt it a little too late? i feel so bad for xielian tbvh

Hiya Anon!

To be honest, I agree. That's a lot of baggage and a lot of pain there. But ultimately, I think the XianLe Trio's dynamic is rather complicated as a result of their extreme circumstance. In our world, we will likely never experience such extreme situations so it's hard to say precisely, but bottom line: if my friends left me out to dry in my time of need, I would so not be as forgiving as Xie Lian at all LOL. Especially since Xie Lian suffered so much--of which, the two of them will never know the true extent. ;;;;; It really does hurt....

On that note, Hua Cheng being very antagonistic (especially towards Mu Qing) is completely understandable. He truly sees what they did as a straight-up betrayal; that Feng Xin and Mu Qing are nothing more than fairweather friends.

But in truth I think the two of them truly did care and wanted what was best for Xie Lian, but it turned out extremely Bad for a variety of reasons. Mu Qing almost certainly wanted to ascend in order to take Xie Lian and Feng Xin to middle heaven and keep them comfortable and safe (though he didn't not COMMUNICATE that whatsoever). Doesn't really forgive him betraying Xie Lian on the mountain, but he's a means-justify-the-ends type of man who figured Xie Lian's short-term emotional distress was worth his long-term well-being. Incorrect assumption there.... RIP. But empathy is not Mu Qing’s strong point.

Meanwhile, Feng Xin also was driven away by Xie Lian--but given how Xie Lian VERY CLEARLY suffered intense and unknown trauma, it's sad that Feng Xin didn't notice that it was an intense cry for help. But in his defense, he took care of Xie Lian's parents for that whole time and was utterly baffled by it all. (And poor Xie Lian was trying to protect himself from more trauma and rationalized "if I push him away first, it won't hurt when he eventually leaves me too" -- but it hurt him all the same.)

Additionally, I think it's also important to note that there is actually a 4/5-year gap between the end of book 2 and the beginning of book 4. (We know this because Hua Cheng was 14 when he made the promise on Mt. Taicang to never forget Xie Lian--right before Xie Lian was banished. And then Hua Cheng died when he was 18-19.) So Feng Xin and Mu Qing stayed with him for a while; they didn't up and leave immediately, so that’s there.

Ultimately it comes down to two things: 1) Feng Xin and Mu Qing both put Xie Lian on a pedestal. Different pedestals, but dehumanizing all the same. So when Xie Lian showed vulnerability, weakness, and other extremely human sides of himself, neither of them were able to process it well. This, coupled with their situation itself, caused their bonds to basically shatter under pressure. 2) To be fair to both of them, everyone has their limits. Sometimes, you do have to take care of yourself especially when things seem hopeless, so their respective reasons for leaving were not totally invalid. As shitty as it is. :/

Also, I think Feng Xin and Mu Qing probably searched for him--especially indicated by how the two of them immediately go down to help Xie Lian when he resurfaces (and yes, that's also due to their down guilt too lol!!). But since Xie Lian was very intentional about staying off the radar, it's understandable that neither of them were able to find or help him. After all, we know that Hua Cheng searched for him and was unable to find him as well--even though he got close. And Hua Cheng has perfect luck, and STILL couldn't find our boy lksdjflksdjfls. Truly unfortunate Lianlian.

And given that 800 years passed, I think Xie Lian eventually figured "there isn't any point in staying upset over the past." I'm glad they made up in the end, though also think they've got some stuff to work out as well lol.

Thank you for this ask!~ (´• ω •`)♡

[lumilasi]

I'm just curious what your thoughts on Shigaraki are. Im praying he gets control back. I would be so sad if the body take over is dragged out. It looks like they are going the save Tomura route which is great but my thought is that means we won't get him back till the end.. I swear if they have Eri rewind him 😤 I hope it's OK to ask you this, if not please ignore and accept my apologies and have a good day. ☀️🌞

Ha ha it’s alright! I don’t mind talking about my favorite character, and musing out my thoughts about what might happen. Of course, keep in mind this is just my thoughts/viewpoint, and I would never say anything I muse out about this is a fact; I’m not the writer after all.  I’m just going over the story bits we already know and considering what could possibly be the story-direction we’re going towards! 

(Also warning, this is probs gonna get a little long-winded because I have a lot of thoughts about this, and Tomura and Izuku’s stories are pretty tightly tied to the larger one at hand about the world they live in.)

To give you a short summary: I think Tomura might indeed stay possessed for a while, and perhaps Izuku could team up with his friends to help save him from this possession. I also don’t think Eri should be using her powers a whole lot right now in the story, given her trauma and age. She needs to heal herself first to avoid unintentionally causing more damage to her mental state. Trauma recovery takes time, often more than what we’ve seen so far in the manga. 

And now for the long-winded explanation (under the cut so this post isn’t ridiculously long:)

So, considering the overall narration and themes Horikoshi has used in the manga, it feels reasonable to say that one of the end goals in all likeness is to “save” those the current society would not bother saving, including Tomura, and especially Tomura, considering his character and story kind of symbolizes the overall failures and problems of this society. His BG touches on so many bad things and problems wrong with the way their world runs currently.

(Apathy from people being over-reliant on heroes, lack of proper help for mental health, hero idol worship that makes people neglect their families over their duty as a hero, abusive parental figures, dehumanization, etc.)

Izuku’s main goal, the goal of his story after all, is to become the greatest hero as the beginning narration expressed. The most reasonable way to do that given the things we’ve been shown about this world, is to do something none of the current heroes would; save those deemed “unfit” to be saved. It’s not only something personally fitting to Izuku’s character, but holds larger symbolic meaning for the overall narrative. I actually saw somebody discuss this particular topic in a post a while back, that put it better than I ever could. 

(click the link if you’re curious to read it, it’s a pretty interesting one)

Now, what that saving means in practice is likely going to be more complicated, since the people in question have done bad things that deserve consequences, and I won’t deny that. 

However, one of the biggest issues is, that the way this society functions seems to kind of be the very source of these villains doing bad things. If only somebody would’ve bothered to pick up this scared kid walking on the street before AFO got to him, none of what is happening now would have happened. (or at least, it would’ve been someone else in worst case scenario)

So, to go back on what you actually asked about; I do think that in order to reach the goal Izuku was set, he does need to free Tomura from that possession, that’s probably the least he can and should do. 

In that sense, it would honestly make sense it would happen close to the end of the story as the best way to symbolize Izuku becoming the greatest hero - saving even the person who everybody else likely deemed unworthy of saving. 

Not to mention, I recall Horikoshi mentioning that he planned the ending to be something where heroes and villains have to team up to reach an end goal of sorts. Izuku teaming up with Tomura’s friends to save Tomura could fit into this concept. 

As for Eri...her rewind powers are bit of a...yeah. I also have lot of thoughts about that so bear with me.

They’re pretty difficult from narrative perspective, because they come off very “deus ex machina” or “magical fix all” that removes any stakes, and I’ve seen from the fandom people wishing Eri to just magically fix everything each time somebody is horribly injured, which...that’s a tad disturbing to me? Asking this little traumatized girl who’s seen lot of horrid injuries and gore to view MORE of it potentially, to heal your favorites? Even if she’d want to do it willingly (which she probably would out of gratitude) she’s, what, six? 

(yes I know this is fiction and I might be taking this a bit too seriously, but I am also looking at this from the narration point of view, and her doing these magic fixes would also actually be bad for the story narration IMO, I’ll explain below)

She’s just a child, she probably can’t really grasp yet what she can and can’t handle, when it comes to her trauma, and what is and isn’t good for her.  Eri “magically fixing everything” is an absolute no from me, both for her own sake and from narration perspective. 

Like I get it, anybody would be sad when their fave gets hurt, I am too, but Eri’s a traumatized child, and tbh having her magically fix everything at her current state would in my eyes go against the point the narrative is trying to make, about the need for change and doing things better from the previous generation. Her rewinding these “changes” in the story, as a traumatized kid, is basically holding up the status quo that is harmful. Using somebody’s remarkable power out of duty to do good while potentially ignoring the impact it can have on the individuals own well-being, which basically will hindrance their ability to do said good in the future.

I can let fixing Mirio’s quirk pass, because he wasn’t horrifically injured in a manner that could potentially trigger Eri’s traumas. It was still a tad risky in my eyes to make this kid do it, because even if she did train for it, what if things went horribly wrong and she made Mirio disappear? That would’ve just caused her unnecessary mental anguish. They basically got lucky there that Hori was kind enough to make it work. 

I would not mind so much, if the person having this power wasn’t a traumatized kid basically, in a story that is about a flawed system and the harmful effects it has on the individuals living in it with the way it currently runs. 

So personally, I don’t want to see Eri use her powers at this point in that manner. She’s still recovering herself and probably not mentally ready to handle these things. Once she’s in a mentally better place, older and more capable of understanding what is or isn’t good for her, then she can go ahead and rewind people’s lost limbs left and right and use her quirk as the next generation superhero healer. But not right now, not when she’s still just a kid with horrible trauma.

 Plus, I feel her point in the story was less about her power, and more about her parallels with Tomura; she could’ve become like him if she hadn’t been saved, and in turn, Tenko could’ve been like her if he had been saved. 

So, from narrative point of view, It feels likely (though I could be wrong of course) that Tomura will remain possessed for a while, and Izuku’s end goal (or one of them) is to save him from the possession, and perhaps they’ll work together to defeat AFO. This last part I’m not that sure about though, given we still don’t have all the puzzle pieces. There’s probably a lot more to be learned about AFO himself, that will have an impact on how the story goes. We’ll see.

So yeah. Sorry this is kind of long, but sometimes you need lot of text to properly convey your thoughts xD Plus I’m just kinda used to writing long pieces of text. 

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 3 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word count: 10k

Previous | Next

Tags: brief female masturbation, light sexual content, nothing really graphic , Slight dry humping, heavy sub/dom overtones,

Song mood

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter present them.

----

“So the good news is Seulgi did get the job! I’m really happy for her, I just can’t help but be concerned about the sleazy guys she’ll encounter though…” You were chipperly talking over your set of pancakes before glancing up, your expression dimming slightly to see Hanjae on his phone, not looking particularly interested in whatever you were talking about.

Sighing you swallowed your next bit harshly, quietening down, were you droning on again? He always said you had a bad habit of rambling. You didn’t want to be boring.

Licking your lips you peered back up at him before humming out, “Who are you talking too?” Maybe he’d be a bit more interested in talking about what he had been up to the past few days?

“Does it matter?” Hanjae rose a brow sharply, looking up from his phone making your pupils widened slightly. Oh...you didn’t...you didn’t mean to…

Fidgeting under his brisk gaze your lips quivered into a frown, “O-oh...I didn’t mean it like that, I...I was just wondering…”

Hanjae only pinched the bridge of his nose though, sighing as he set his phone down looking exasperated. A pit set in your stomach as you glanced down at your half ate set of pancakes, your appetite gone as you frowned, you didn’t mean to upset him. Or make him put down what he was doing. You wanted to do damage control but more days then less you always seemed at a loss of what to do or where to begin.

“Look it’s great that Seulgi got the job but it’s just…” Hanjae waved a dismissive hand before his nose scrunched up in that familiar disdain. “It’s a strip club Y/n, don’t you think it’s a little desperate?” Desperate, you fucking hated that word.

“What do you mean?” You didn’t even know why you were asking to begin with, Hanjae was very traditional and it wouldn’t be hard to guess why he didn’t like strip clubs, but still. Wasn’t that being a bit harsh? He didn’t know any of the strip workers personally, they all had a reason to be there.

“They’re selling their bodies for money Y/n, how is that not desperate?” Hanjae laughed a little at his own words before leaning back in his seat, clearly amused by himself, “I just thought Seulgi had a little more self respect but she does enjoy proving everyone wrong doesn’t she? What? What’s with that look? Don’t tell me you actually support her Y/n.”

Finally you set your fork down, trying to not let your frustration show as your frown furthered, “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t support her Hanjae? Look that’s her life, frankly it’s none of your business what she does and where she works...I..I’m sure being a stripper takes a lot more work than any of us even realize.” You had fumbled in your wording because hearing him say that had hurt. It hurt because it was indirectly aimed at you as well, it would have been had he ever found out you were working alongside Seulgi.

You didn’t like keeping secrets though, you wanted to be open with Hanjae in every aspect of your life. You wanted to give your heart and even more to him but...you were scared. Even with your relationship going on for a little over a year, you were too scared because ultimately, would he accept it? You were beginning to feel like a burden more days then less if you weren’t in bed with him.

But you didn’t just want to be his go too when he needed a quick fuck...you wanted him to give himself just as much as you were but...you understood that was probably asking too much. Not everyone gave love so passionately, or as willingly as you did.

“Work?” Hanjae began laughing as if you told the world's funniest joke, his smile bright and energized as he slapped his leg, “What’s so hard about flashing a crowd of people? It seems like a cop out to getting out of working hard at an actual job to me. What’s got you so defensive though? I didn’t realize you felt so strongly for strip workers.”

Your gaze stayed on the table, nibbling your lower lip as you thought about your next words carefully, “...I just don’t think we can judge when we don’t know the situation, or why they’re there you know? So what if they strip? That doesn’t make them any less of a human being then you or me.”

It was the truth, you didn’t appreciate Hanjae’s dehumanizing and condemning overtones for the topic at hand. You had always felt this way regardless, but being a worker yourself put things into a whole new light.

“Yes, yes you’re right,” Hanjae rolled his eyes as he sighed dismissively while leaning back in his seat, “You know how I feel about it though, no matter how bad a situation is, people can always find a decent job if they really look.”

You sat on his words, not wanting to argue because sometimes, there wasn’t an option. Sometimes there were no decent jobs to take. You had picked back up your knife to cut into your pancakes when you realized.

He avoided your question.

Watching him pick back up his phone as he resumed his conversation with whoever he was talking too. You didn’t have a single right to feel jealous given what you had been up to the past few days. But you didn’t actually cheat on him. You didn’t want to cheat on him. More then anything you were beginning to feel frustration bubble in your stomach. If you were beginning to feel unwanted, and he didn’t want you. Why were you still together?

You hated feeling like this, like you were unwanted. You wanted to be someone’s number one, the first thing they thought of when they woke up and the last when they go to sleep. You wanted to be the air they breathed and the reason they smiled, you wanted to be intoxicated from it.

It wasn’t realistic, that’s what Hanjae had told you, love was supposed to be practical. It was hard work, it was just a way of making sure you wouldn’t die alone. Or at least that was his idea of it.

Before you could even stop yourself the words had slipped from your lips without a second thought, “Hanjae...I think we should take a break.”

“What?” Hanjae asked in surprise, his mouth dropping open in shock as he paused from whatever he had been typing. He looked completely side swiped at your outburst and briefly you felt bad for causing it, “Y/n...where is this all coming from? What do you mean take a break, we don’t need too.”

“I…” you swallowed thickly, unable to hold his gaze as you played with your fingers, “I need a break Hanjae...I’m just...I’m so confused right now. I...I don’t know what I want anymore and...and…” your words were starting to get choked up and the guilt from Jungkook had begun to creep up as your eyes began to water. You were so lost on what to do, you didn’t want to commit infidelity, but Jungkook was so captivating you could already begin to feel your will crumble against him.

It wouldn’t be the case if you had a strong relationship with Hanjae, if you felt loved and reassured that you were wanted, that you were needed. But Hanjae didn’t need you. And it begged the question, did he love you? Did you love him? Outwardly you could easily say it, but internally, deep down you were still holding out on reservation from sensing his reservation as well.

You had been in a relationship for a year, but wouldn’t it just be easier to cut ties and move on? Right? Or was this just an excuse to not feel guilty over Jungkook? You were so confused, you only wanted to be loved, and to do the right thing.

“No.”

Your brows furrowed as your gaze shot up with a sniffle, wiping your eyes as you watched Hanjae’s expression hardened with a sour note as he scoffed, “You don’t need a break we’re just fine Y/n, there’s nothing to be confused about or to figure out on your own. End of discussion.”

Your lips were opening and closing as you gaped like a fish out of water at his harsh words, desperate to get a say in now that you were positive you needed a break to figure out how you felt, “B-but…”

“I said no. There’s no reason to take a break, stop being so dramatic,” Hanjae snapped back, arms crossed over his chest as he rolled his eyes before sighing, “Look I’m going over to Joy’s I'll see you later okay? And drop the break thing, I don’t wanna hear about it when I get back.”

You couldn’t find the will to reply as he got up from the booth, ruffled as he made his way out of the diner.

It wasn’t until the door had shut behind that you finally let the tears burst from your eyes, an ugly sob escaping your lips that had people turning their heads in pity in your direction. Even the waitress had made a point to not stop by your table until you had cried all the tears you could.

—-

Your hands were shaking and your anxiety had been spiked the whole way to Cherry Bomb. Jungkook would be working the floor tonight, which meant it would be your first night of work. You were terrified.

That was the easiest way to put it. Seulgi had instantly spotted you in the crowded hallway looking like a lost puppy before dragging you towards the dressing room where all the other fillers and trainee’s got ready.

That’s where you were currently, feeling completely exposed in what had been thrown at you. You were a stripper now, if you felt exposing in such a short skimpy dress and fishnet stockings, you could only imagine how you’d feel when you’d be on stage. God why did you ever think this was a good idea?

You had just finished applying your lipstick as Seulgi gave your shoulder a squeeze, “It’s not too late to back out Y/n, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

“I didn’t come this far for nothing Seulgi- Besides I already signed the contract I have to at least do this for a week before bailing.” You weren’t sure if that was actually stated in the contract, but that was your own personal goal at least.

If you could last at least a week, then surely you’d be able to manage longer right? Just aim for a week at a time. Seulgi wasn’t so set on your plan though as she curved a hesitant brow, “And what about Hanjae…?”

You let out a small whine, finally turning to face her, she seemed a lot more comfortable then you in her tight miniskirt and cropped tube top, the heels you both wore, were the dead giveaway that you were strippers. Stripper heels, because only people like you would ever wear such tall shoes, you were almost scared you’d break an ankle in them.

“W-well….” You thought about telling her what had happened earlier that day before deciding against it, there was a time and place for everything and right now, right before you went on your first day of work just wasn’t it, “I don’t know, I mean I’ll deal with it when we get to that point right?”

Seulgi’s lips twitched into a frown before sighing altogether, shaking her head as the door to the room swung open Hoseok standing with hair styled up and it was like the room had become all the more radiant in his presence, “Seulgi are you ready?”

She nodded eagerly before giving you one last look and a thumbs up before standing up and making her way out of the room following behind her mentor. Sinking back into your chair you gave a groan as you massaged the temple of your head. Jungkook would be with you the whole time, there was nothing to be worried about, right?

God this was going to be a long night, you already had a problem stuttering and fumbling in all of your words anytime you were nervous, when you were anxious though? You were already cringing at the idea. Taking one look in the mirror your lips quirked into a frown again. You hardly looked like yourself.

Your face was caked in layers of makeup and your hair had been styled in waves, contrary to the way you normally looked. Plain, that’s how you looked on a day to day basis, or at least that’s how you felt. Tugging against a strand of your hair as you waited for your mentor to arrive. He hadn’t forgotten you, had he?

“So what did a cheap whore like you do to get the kings attention.”

It took you a good five seconds to register that the snide sentence had been aimed at you, confused you straightened up as you glanced over your shoulder, moving your body slightly to get an easier look at the three fillers lounged out waiting to go on stage.

“Um..pardon?” Your lips quivered slightly as you raised your brows, confused as to why they were even talking to you in the first place. Weren’t you supposed to be a bottom feeder? Were you even worth their time? Apparently so as the one in the middle sneered at you, “I doubt you can even give good head so what did you do? Hm? Jungkook would never waste his time on someone like you.”

You had opened and closed your mouth several times making them all laugh mockingly at you, but you were honestly rendered speechless. You hadn’t even done anything and they were already taunting you? Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Your eyes were already threatening to water though, “God how pathetic.” She rolled her eyes before turning in her chair clearly done with you.

You could feel your hands shaking as you swallowed back your tears, now was definitely not the time to be crying. You had jumped in your seat at the sound of the door opening, “Y/n lets go,” Jungkook called from the door, he paused though at the sight of your expression, lips quivering with teary eyes while trying your best- though failing, to hide it.

His eyes shot towards the other three in the room who had all sent him flirty smiles, you had expected him to return it. But he didn’t, except for a clenched jaw and withering glare that had them all quickly returning to their original stance.

You had meanwhile scurried from your position, fumbling to put on your heels as you tried as carefully as you could to walk towards him, feeling way to tall for this to even be okay. To be fair you still weren’t as tall as Jungkook but you were near eye level with him which was probably even more unnerving then having to look up to meet them.

Jungkook had instantly wrapped an arm around you making sure you wouldn’t fall as he shut the door, “What did they say to you?”

Your lips quivered again, crossing your arms as you blinked back the tears that threatened to return, “It’s fine Jungkook, it’s like you said, nobody is going to go easy on me. Lets just go.”

Jungkook didn’t look ready to let it go but for your sake with it being your first night he decided to ignore it for now.

“They’re lucky I was late,” Jungkook huffed as he clasped both of your shoulders, eyes scanning your body up and down making you flustered, but the look in his eyes was more set on your clothes then how tightly they clung to you, “Alright, lookin’ good babygirl. Remember you’re staying with me the whole night, most clients are ironically respectful so don’t worry too much about creeps. We still have them but I doubt anyone’s gonna think twice on it with me around. Let me do the talking and just follow along until you feel a little more comfortable, got it?”

“Yeah…” You nodded meekly as he gestured you to follow, and briefly you missed the warmth of his body being so close to yours. You barely knew him, but you wouldn’t lie, the effects of your relationship as mentor and trainee had helped enough already. He felt safe in such an unfamiliar environment.

Maybe he could sense your disposition as he paused outside of the door that lead to the main floor, Jungkook bit his lip as he sighed, “One warning though: and don’t overthink it. But clients to get...possessive over me. If any of the girls glare at you, just ignore them. While I'd be more than glad-” His smirk was brief before falling, “Unfortunately anyone touching me is practically dead to the girls so for your sake, we need to keep some distance while talking.”

“Well it makes sense…” You murmured tugging on a strand of your hair while nodding, taking a deep breath before asking, “Anything else?”

Pressing a hand against your back as Jungkook opened the door, he let his lips drag against the lobe of your ear, “Smile babygirl.”

Giving you a gentle pushing as he closed the door behind him. He had guided you to the bar for a drink first, as it was tradition for all the strippers to have at least one drink while working the floor. Except Jungkook had explicitly told you it was against policy to actually get drunk, so generally one was the limit for himself.

With your drink in hand Jungkook had nudged your shoulder with his, “Now the first thing you do is scope out a good table, and by good I mean a bored one. Hoseok is taking the left side of the crowd tonight and Seokjin is taking the middle so we’ll go right. There’s at least always three floor workers that split the floor, if there’s more they thread through each section. Look at that table, mixed party, looks like there's a bit of tension between them. That’s where we come in.”

“We’re going over to a table that’s already tense between them?” You furrowed your brows not understanding why you’d have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation when you were already uncomfortable as it was.

Jungkook gave a small breathy laugh at your frown as he answered, “Mhm, we’re there to lighten the mood. It works most of the time don’t worry. We chose when to go but generally it’s in good taste to at least sit with them through one performance on stage. Now come on, trust me it’ll be fine.”

You sighed but complied as you both walked over. Jungkook really was your opposite, his smile oozed charisma that could win almost anyone over instantly, the table had been extremely tense and you could feel it with every breath you took. But luckily Jungkook seemed to know the right thing to say at the right time, had he always been this good? Or maybe he was just good with people? All the girls at the table had naturally swooned over him, giggling shyly while attempting to flirt with him.

You on the other hand could barely look up from the table, your face getting hotter by the second from the guys. There were only two, but they had instantly perked at the sight of you. Honing in on you alone, Jungkook wasn’t standing for it though and mainly held the reins of the conversation, first introducing you as his trainee and that you were there explicitly to gain experience. You didn’t really understand his tone and why it had such a cryptic meaning.

Eventually you did chime in a time or two, not that any of the girls really cared, all eyes were focused on your mentor.

Your hands had shook the entire time as they tightly clasped together in your lap, you had made sure to stay apart from Jungkook, your shoulders a good distance apart but eventually you felt a much larger hand grab hold on yours. Eyes flicking to Jungkook though he kept talking, his thumb though gently brushed over your hand to try and ease your nerves.

Prying your clasped hands apart to hold one from underneath the table. You had glanced down at the way his fingers tangled in yours, the calloused pad of his thumb soothingly stroking against your skin. You hadn’t even realized the silent breath of relief you had taken as you relaxed against his touch.

The night ended up being not too terrible after that.

----

The last few days had been extremely tiring to say the least, your schedule was crammed to the brim and you were surprised you even had time to breath anymore. Let alone spend the night with Hanjae.

But things with him hadn’t exactly improved either. You still felt like taking a break would immensely help you clear your head and figure it just what you wanted. Was Jungkook just something you liked the idea of because your boyfriend was collapsed asleep once again tonight while you laid awake and frustrated.

Did you still want to be with Hanjae even though he only ever seemed to call you to sleep with you?

You sighed before glancing up at the ceiling. Your eyes were heavy and the lack of sleep was taking over but your body was protesting with every blink of your eye.

You were so confused, why wouldn’t Hanjae just let you have time to yourself to figure everything out? It didn’t necessarily mean you’d be breaking up.

Sighing you let your hand move down your body, it was going to be a sleepless night anyways, you might as well get some enjoyment out of it. You had began stroking down your slit, left over arousal coating your fingers as you made your way up to your clit.

Pushing against the bud softly as you shifted, trying to keep quiet as you let out a soft gentle moan while hitting the sweet spot of your little bud. You’d just have to be patient tonight if you wanted to come at all without waking Hanjae up.

You alternated between soft strokes and rough ones as the feeling your core began to build more pressure.

You could feel your orgasm getting closer and the neediness of your hips taking over as they bucked as your fingers sped up faster. You hadn’t realized the lewd sound your body had been making until you felt the weight beside you shift accompanied by a groan.

“Ah jesus I thought we talked about this Y/n.” Hanjae sighed with a sleepy voice. You had jumped though, hand quickly leaving your body despite its pleas for your release.

All you felt now was embarrassed as he continued, “That’s so gross, if you have to do it go in the bathroom baby.”

It had meant to be playful but you knew Hanjae wasn’t kidding and that’s when you felt shame cast over you. Add a dash of humiliation in the process and you were just about complete emotionally.

You gave a strained laugh as he ruffled your hair before rolling his back to you but you felt a sob catching in your throat.

You hadn’t even registered getting out of bed, gathering your clothes from the room as you silently left. Getting changed in the hallway as you frustratedly shoved away the tears that trickled down your cheeks.

Lacing up your shoes before deciding you couldn’t do it tonight, you couldn’t face him in the morning and whether he liked it or not or thought you needed it or not. You were taking a break. A break from him.

It was already set in your head as you walked down the sidewalk unsure of where you were even going. You knew it wasn’t smart, wandering the streets at this time on your own, it would bring nothing but trouble. But you needed the cool night air in your lungs and a strong need to clear your mind.

Somehow or another that’s how you ended up at the front door to Cherry Bomb which was in full swing. You weren’t even halfway dressed to go in, but working here made it feel a lot different and honestly? You weren’t even sure why you were here.

Cherry Bomb wasn’t going to solve any of your problems yet you pulled the door open anyways, slipping inside the establishment where the lights were almost always in a Cherry red hue and the music blared loudly. You could already feel some stares at your casual attire but you ignored them as you made your way through the crowd and towards the bar.

Taking a seat as you waited to be tended it was Yoongi this time who noticed you as he tilted his head, “Long night?”

“Too long, just get me a strawberry daiquiri.” You sighed as you leaned your hand against your head. Jungkook should be on stage tonight, or maybe he already performed?

That or he’d be in his dressing room getting prepared. But you hadn’t come to talk to him. No if you told him your problems you were sure he’d only make it worse. Unintentionally, but worst nonetheless.

“So what’s up?” Yoongi set your drink down as he curved a brow, you had instantly plucked it up before downing a mouthful, sighing as you looked at the pink liquid. You couldn’t even see its natural color from the LED lighting.

“Nothing, I’ve just been confused. I can’t tell if my boyfriend really loves me anymore or not. Or if I love him.” You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at the shaggy, black haired male as you frowned.

Yoongi only clacked his tongue though, not as in despair as you over your dilemma,“Well you aren’t if you have to ask yourself in the first place. The better question is why are you still together.”

You thought over his words before shrugging with a sluggish exterior, it’s not as if you hadn’t tried talking to Hanjae about it, “My boyfriends determined for us to stay together, maybe he does love me?”

“Or he just has someone to sleep with daily,” Yoongi replied making your eyes shoot up in surprise, he only shrugged reserved though, “Not the first time I’ve seen someone only keep a girl around just to fuck with. I don’t know Y/n, this guy doesn’t really seem like he has your best interest at heart.”

“Maybe.” You agreed with a hum as you glanced toward the back room, “Hey...are we allowed to use the backrooms at night?”

Yoongi furrowed his brows before letting a knowing amused smile play on his lips while nodding, “Yeah as long as they’re not in use, strippers come in all the time to blow off steam. Room three is the only on in use. Everything else is up for grabs. Go for it.”

You nodded at his encouragement as you gave one last drink of your daiquiri before standing up and making your way towards the hallway.

You might as well make use of being here. The hallway was different at night, the cherry red gave it all sorts of sexual overtones but you had pushed on regardless towards the back of the hallway to an empty room.

The pole vacant and the lights off until you turned on the LED’s to a purple hue, you’d never get use to stripping if you didn’t start somewhere. Even if it meant being on your own the first few times, and that was okay. You weren’t sure you’d be able to do it in front of an audience before at least trying on your own once.

The thought made blood rush to your cheeks but the room was empty, and no one was scheduled to use it, right? You convinced yourself that was the case as you hooked your phone to the speakers bluetooth, scrolling through your playlist before pausing over a song.

It wasn’t a strip song, but it would work. You hit the play button before setting it down making your way to the stage.

You had leaned against the pole, listening to the music for a moment, feeling so many emotions bubble in your chest at the lyrics reflection on your situation. Did you even wanna strip? You didn’t feel sexy at the moment, you barely felt human.

The reason you chose dance as your major though, was because it was your escape from the world. It was difficult, and forced you out of your head that you constantly were buried in, it made you live as close to in the moment as your mind would allow.

Dancing was always your go to when you were upset, maybe that’s why you were here. Because, stripping and dancing, they weren’t that far apart were they? You had let your hand begin to trail against your other arm, dragging up your skin before palming your neck and down your chest.

Why were you even with Hanjae still? You supposed, you really were a creature of habit and comfort, Hanjae was comfortable, he was safe. You knew what he was like, and how he worked and what you had to do to adjust to it.

You had barely processed your back pressing against the cold metal pole as you slide down the surface.

But was it even love anymore, if you were having to change yourself so much for him? Yoongi’s words rang in your head, were you in love if you had to ask yourself if you were?

Pushing yourself up the pole you had let your hands push under your shirt forcing it to rise, flashing the skin of your stomach.

Would you ever be good enough in his eyes? Good enough to not have to change, to just be accepted for who you were? But now thinking about it, you had that problem with a lot of people. Everyone told you that you weren’t extroverted enough, you weren’t mature enough, you just weren’t enough.

You could feel your lips begin to quiver and frustrated tears begin to blur your vision but you were determined to keep dancing, moving away from the pole as you rolled your body, turning your back towards the pole as you pulled the shirt over your head.

Forcing yourself to become composed again as you let your body roll while letting your hands drag over the open skin of your waist. The air was slightly cold and nipped at your skin, you felt exposed. But you were exposed for yourself in an empty room.

Fitting given you never seemed to be enough for anymore. You felt the bitter smile pull on your lips as you turned back around to face the front of the stage. What did Jungkook even see in you? Thinking you could actually be a stripper someone would want to watch?

You felt dumb now more then ever at the idea, if you weren’t good enough for even your boyfriend, why would you be good enough for a bunch of strangers? Your hands had tangled frustratedly in your hair as you had walked further down the stage, hips swaying on their own before you felt spite pang through you.

What was it with people and assuming because you were shy you couldn’t be sexual anyways? You might not have been as open about it, but you could still be appealing.

Your hands had suddenly dragged down your body to unbutton your shorts as you sunk into a slut drop.

You felt like you were being dragged in two opposite directions, one telling you everyone was right, what was the point in trying if nobody thought you could do it anyways. And yet the other part of you was a spiteful bitch that wanted to prove them wrong, just for the sake of proving them wrong.

You couldn’t fucking stand people assuming so much about you. You rolled onto your back letting your hips thrust fluidly into the air, back arching high as your hands began to push your shorts off.

People could say whatever they wanted about you, but you were going to prove them wrong. Every single one. Your hands had dragged against your thighs to your stomach all the way to your hair before letting your back rest against the ground.

The song had come to an end but the music continued as it shuffled your playlist. Closing your eyes you sighed, the cold nip in the air covering your whole exposed body but all you felt now was tired. You did feel a little better, your head more clear and your goals set in front of you.

This wouldn’t be easy, but you could do it. Opening your eyes you sighed as you sat up, running a hand in your hair as you sighed, the exhaustion hitting your body finally.

It must’ve been nearly, four in the morning and you could feel it in your body as you yawned. You had intended to get up and get dressed. Except for the slow clap that you could hear over the music playing.

Your blood ran cold despite the heat in your face...someone had been here...for how long?

Flustered, your lips parted sheepishly as your head shot towards the applause of a single pair of hands that had been previously leaned against the wall. The dim neon lights of the room had previously shadowed Jungkook’s body, in fact, had he not bothered to reveal himself.

You probably would’ve left none the wiser. Somehow, past all of your humiliation, you weren’t surprised he decided not to give you a peace of mind.

Jungkook had the most predatory smirk on his face that made you instantly curl away as you flusteredly covered your face, feeling too exposed and vulnerable at the moment to even think about looking at him, “Well don’t get shy on me now.”

His voice was too close and too playful for you to even be able to respond as you heard him laugh. If you weren’t humiliated before hand, you certainly were now. You knew it was inevitable, but you didn’t want Jungkook to see you in this light, or at least not giving it your best. Your dance was hardly a strip show and you knew you definitely didn’t look the part either.

And maybe that was why he was laughing at you.

Your lips trembled and you could feel tears pricking at your eyes, if he lost faith in you, then you really must’ve been a lost cause.

“Woah, hey, hey, hey.” Jungkook’s voice had dropped whatever amusement he held at the sound of a sniffle from you, he had been at the front of the stage before climbing up to take a seat next to you, “Why are you crying?”

Your knees had curled closer to your chest and you could feel his large hands wrap delicately around your wrists as his voice softened, you only shook your head as his thumbs stroked against the skin of your wrists, “Was it really that bad?”

He didn’t reply for a second, making you feel like his silence just confirmed it, when in reality he was confused as to why you were asking that before it clicked, sighing softly Jungkook hummed, “Babygirl I would never laugh at you, I just thought it was cute that you’re shy after giving a whole strip show.”

“That was hardly a strip show,” You muttered from beneath your hands, your nerves being soothed by the gentle stroke of his thumbs on your wrists, patiently waiting for you to remove your hands from your eyes, “You and I both know that.”

“Maybe,” Jungkook agreed softly, “But you have to start somewhere Y/n, don’t be so hard on yourself. If it makes you feel any better, you were still better than half the girls I’ve seen.” You could hear the smile on his lips as he shook your wrists a little playfully, “A lot of them just end up doing that weird back thing instead of twerking, kinda looks like they’re having a convulsion while throwing up…”

You found yourself laughing softly along with him as the smile he had been searching for return to your lips. You peeled your hands from your eyes as you wiped them, finally glancing up towards Jungkook, his face just a few inches from yours as you murmured, “You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.”

Jungkook only tsked, grabbed your hands in place of your wrists as he squeezed them to have your full attention, “I’m a lot of things baby, but I’m not a liar,” something about his words had made your chest flutter a little, his eyes were deep and his face was sculpted by the dimmed lights but the sincerity he held still shone brightly, “I can’t lie and I’m not going to start anytime soon, so believe me when I say I’ve seen some really bad dancers. Trust me.”

“Okay…” You resolved with a simple murmur, there was that word again. To trust him, it was more difficult than you had initially thought it would be. You felt so exposed and vulnerable with him, and not just physically, but emotionally as well. So many people had belittled you to the point it wasn’t just easy for you to be so open with him.

“Now,” Jungkook kept your hands in his, the warmth buzzing against your skin and the callous of his finger tips stroking your palms, “What are you doing here? You know I’m not on floor tonight, what happened?”

Your lips quivered into a pout as you awkwardly looked away from him, unsure of how to reply. And a part of you still resisting opening up to him, the squeeze of his hands making him gain your attention again, “I can’t help you if you won’t let me Y/n.”

“There’s nothing that you can really do for me Jungkook...at least on this…” You frowned as your gaze flickered between him and away, “I’m just...taking a break with Hanjae, that’s all, I need to clear my head and figure some things out.”

Jungkook’s brows furrowed for a second before he replied, “Hanjae...as in your boyfriend?” his expression twisted into one more of an unimpressed look as he continued, “Was that dumbass the reason you’re here? What did he do?”

You leaned away slightly, feeling a bit overwhelmed by how guarded he was, and furthermore the whole reason you were here...the entire situation made you flush at just the idea of telling Jungkook, “Yes he is, but the problem isn’t just one thing, it’s multiple and has been going on for awhile, I guess it’s just come to ahead for me is all. Hanjae isn’t aware we’re on a break yet but he’ll know in the morning.”

Jungkook only bit his lip for a moment, backing off slightly as if realizing he may have been coming on a little strong, “You know, I don’t really get you...He’s clearly making you more upset then happy, why are you still with him?”

You thought on his words for a moment, he did have a point. Hanjae more days then less was the source of your more stressful thoughts then joyful ones, but there was still good times too. They weren’t all bad, “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” You shrugged before sighing, unable to hold his gaze.

“Well babygirl,” Jungkook straightened up slightly as he sighed, “Take it from me, guys who make your eyes more wet then your pussy aren’t worth your tim- ow!”

You glared at him while smacking his arm, and despite his complaint he was already laughing at your red cheeks, “What? I’m just being honest, if you follow that motto you can’t go wrong.”

You looked at him incredulously despite the smile threatening to pull on your lips, “Do you ever think without your dick?”

Jungkook gave you a lazy smile in return as he held his hands up in defense, “I’m but a man babygirl, we’re simple creatures. Now get dressed before I really start using my dick instead of my head...Unless…”

“No I’m good,” You had instantly scooted away making him laugh, that playful smile on his lips that made you notice the dimple on his left cheek that made his smile all the more endearing, “Why are you here anyways, shouldn’t you be on stage?” You had began crawling around, grabbing your clothes, all too aware of Jungkook’s eyes eating away at your exposed body as he leaned back on his hands.

“Finished my last dance not too long ago, the table I lapdanced for said they’d pay for a private show, kinda pushy though for it to be tonight so I came here to set up the room before I brought them in.” Jungkook replied shrugging, “So when I saw this room was in use despite not being scheduled I just wanted to see who was in, I really didn’t mean to stay the entire time but what can I say baby? You have such a nice body, it's a shame you don’t show it more.”

You scolded with red cheeks as you glared at him, making him give you a cheeky smile as he sent a wink your way. You had already pulled the shirt over your head as you replied hotly, “To keep thirsty fiends like you away.”

Jungkook’s smile twisted into a lopsided smirk as he lunged for you making you squeak, keeping you beneath him despite the struggle as he replied, “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it,” His hands were already roaming beneath the shirt you had just put on as your face turned red and your body was flaring up, “Look at you all flustered and shy and yet you still aren’t telling me to stop,” Jungkook had a cocky smile on his face as you whined, refusing to even look at him as he squeezed the skin of your waist, “You know that’s all you have to do right? Just say it Y/n, tell me to stop and I will.” He gave you another minute as you still wiggled beneath him, your face hot red and your words stuck in your mouth as he leaned in, grabbing your chin to force you to look at him, “But let’s face it, you don’t want me too, do you?”

“Jungkook...” You whined feeling embarrassed by his words, partially because he was right, you didn’t want him to stop and your body was more than willing to listen to his every demand. But you had also just decided on taking a breather from your relationship, your boyfriend not even aware of it himself.

Jumping into something else so fast was both reckless and inconsiderate of Hanjae, no matter how much he upset you, he didn’t deserve that. But feeling Jungkooks hand’s run up your stomach had you drowning in all of your unkempt hormones as you whimpered.

“Are you gonna let me take care of you baby?” Jungkook cooed out, his voice like liquid honey as he continued petting you, hand’s becoming more rough in his strokes that had your body shuddering, “I’ll eat that pretty pussy right now babygirl, just say the word.”

You were rubbing your thighs together with a whimper, your mind was still hesitate but your body was determined for you to just cave in and say yes, and the idea of his tongue attached to your clit was making your hips tremble at just the idea, “B-but I just decided on my break with Hanjae…” you fumbled out, whimpering at the squeeze of his hands on your hips fiddling with the band of your panties.

“Mmm, but let’s face it baby,” Jungkook hummed out, that smirk on his face that you were beginning to become all too familiar with, “If you really loved him, you wouldn’t let me be on top on you right now. You don’t strike me as a cheater Y/n, which can only mean one thing, he just can’t satisfy you,” His thumbs pressed harder into your hips as he continued, “Emotionally, affectionately, sexually. The whole nine yards baby, that’s what I meant before, why stay with someone you’re so miserable with?”

Jungkook seemed to have come down from his lust filled haze as he got off you, kneeling down as he shrugged, “But hey, I’m not here to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want too babydoll, that’s not what I’m about. If you need time to clear your head then that’s what you should do,”

You had glanced at your lap fiddling with your fingers while lingering on his words before finally grabbing the discarded pair of shorts beside you, pulling them on as Jungkook stood up before offering you a hand, “But seriously,” he hummed, “If he can’t provide both emotional and sexual comfort to you, then you should cut your losses. Doesn’t look good on his part when I’m the one sitting here with you instead of him.” His words, had a sharp edge towards the end making you furrow your brows slightly as he helped you up.

“Maybe I will end things...I don’t know, I just need time to process everything that’s happened.” You hummed reservedly as you fiddled with your fingers again, unable to properly look at him after what just previously transpired. After what he just said he’d do to you on that stage floor.

“Then that’s what you should do baby, I’m not one to dictate. I’m just making an observation,” Jungkook clacked his tongue before letting his fingers capture your chin, his touch more gentle then previously as he made you look at him, “My offer is still on the table though, if you do end up leaving him.”

“Jungkook!” You scolded shoving him slightly making his familiar laugh return in amusement at your red cheeks and flustered glare. He pulled his hands away in surrender before honing in to ruffle your hair.

“I told you I’m an honest guy, in fact, eating you out on stage is gonna go on my bucket list now,” Jungkook was practically howling out laughing at your glare furthering before his expression softened slightly, a small smile on his lips, “Go home babygirl, get some rest for tomorrow okay? I’d walk you back if I could but I still have to get this private show done, so just try and stay safe, okay? Text me when you get in.”

You waved your arms about, feeling more flustered at his words now than before as you replied, “Okay mom. I’ll be fine Jungkook, don’t worry.” You had began to make your way off stage, grabbing your phone while disconnecting it from the speaker.

Jungkook only sighed rolling his eyes as he ran a hand through his hair, “Easy for you to say baby, easy for you.”

----

Waking up the next day, had not been fun in the least. Every sense in your body was groggy and tired and your eyes were heavy, wanting nothing more than to collapse as you dragged yourself out of bed.

You had almost fell asleep in the shower but continued getting ready before heading into Cherry Bomb, how did everyone stay so chipper on so little sleep? You felt like a zombie and probably looked like it too while opening the door to the private room to reveal all of the soloist’s, Some conversing while others were on their phone.

Rosé was currently on stage practicing her routine, you felt in awe watching the confidence that oozed from her as she moved. You could only hope to be that good one day. Stretching your arms over your head as you yawned the tiredness waving through your body as you closed your eyes.

The hands that wrapped around your waist had your eyes shooting open as you jumped while Jungkook smirked, “You just got here babygirl, you can’t be falling asleep on me already.” he had tugged you closer to him making you try and feebishly pushing away, it was just too early in the morning to be this flustered already.

“It’s seven in the morning Jungkook! I didn’t fall asleep until four thirty last night!” You whined out trying to escape his grip, his hands only tightened though as smirk coiled further, at least one of you was bright eyed and bushy tailed that morning.

“That’s good baby, that’s probably when you’ll be going to bed most days anyways so might as well get used to it now,” Jungkook gave your waist a squeeze as you groaned, rubbing your tired eyes as he lead you towards the side of the room to begin practice, “C’mon don’t give me that look, let’s get to work.”

The morning was, just as any morning, tiring. Jungkook had been focused mainly on your movement today as it had been apparently lethargic though when you ran on four hours of sleep, could anyone really be surprised. You had rehearsals later that day for one of the college’s theater shows, you often were used as a background dancer for a lot of musicals and you knew you’d have a long day ahead of you.

You always had fun with the theater majors but you were particularly dreading it today with how little sleep you had gotten, it was close to ten when practice would officially be over for you but Jungkook, had paid the time no mind as he squeezed at your waist making you jump, “Come on you’re a dance major I know you can roll your hips better than that baby.”

“Is this really necessary though?” You whined out, refusing to look at him as your cheeks reddened from embarrassment, as if your morning could get any worse Jungkook just had to prove you wrong as you shifted in his lap.

“Sorry babygirl but lap dancing is apart of the job, you can’t escape it forever.” Jungkook tsked as he let his hands move to your hips, making them squirm in sheepishness, “And if you can’t lapdance me then there’s no way you’ll be able too with a stranger; eyes baby.”

You had let out a whine as you felt his hands squeeze at your hips making you jump before obediently bucking your hips, “Come on think of if like riding dick-“ despite your reddened cheeks you had opened your mouth only for him to cut you off, “And don’t tell me you haven’t rode dick or we’re changing that right now.”

You had promptly closed your mouth again before pausing, you and Jungkook both just stared at each other for a minute, his expression saying he really would go through with his words, but you on the other hand was ready to call bullshit.

Squinting your eyes into a glare you finally replied, “That is such bullshit.”

It was Jungkook’s turn to give you an unappreciative glare, obviously not liking the unexpectedly bratty response he had just received, “Oh you think I wouldn’t?”

You watched the glint in his eyes darkened but your own sour expression didn’t falter as you curved a brow scoffing, “We’re in public.”

“Like that would stop me,” Jungkook leaned in closer, you were suddenly well aware of his tight grip on your waist sliding down to your hips as his voice deepened, “It hasn’t before. I should put you over my lap right now for questioning me.” You had jumped at the feeling of his hips suddenly bucking up against yours before grabbing hold of your squirming hips to force them to messily grind his hardening length.

“Not such a smartass now huh,” Jungkook mocked as you whimpered, your face bright red and unable to look at him, choosing to stare more towards his chest as your forearms pressed against his shoulders, “Are you done being a brat?”

Your body was on fire at his manhandling as he made your hips drag down his length making you jump at the feeling of it pressing against your clit, you couldn’t even speak as another whimper bubbled in your throat as he growled, “Don’t ignore me.” You could feel his hot breath along your face but didn’t dare meet his eyes,”Or else I’m going to make your first time with me a lot more memorable than necessary.”

You hadn’t realized Jungkook really did have nerves of steel to be opening grinding you in a public room while openingly talking about fucking you with no problems of an audience. He really was comfortable with his body.

“Are you going to behave?” Jungkook growled out again, his hands squeezing on your waist making you whimper at his harsh touch that left your body aching for more, “Use your words.”

“Y-yes…” You stuttered out quietly, obedience filling your every core being as your hips quivered at his pause, resisting the urge to ride his thigh.

Jungkook had replaced his tight hold with long firm strokes against your waist as he purred amused, “Good girl, now keep going on your own.” You almost choked at the praise making your hips work on their own as they needily dragged against his. Jungkook had gave an approving hum that sounded like a disguised moan as his thumbs kneaded against your hipbones, “Mmm that’s more like it. That’s good enough for today, go any farther and I won’t be able to quit.”

His words almost made you whine in objection but you didn’t dare voice it at the idea he’d genuinely take you serious and keep going. And despite how much your body craved it your mind had wandered to your conversation the night before. You did need time before you could let things go further with Jungkook.

And furthermore was that a good idea? He was your mentor after all, how would that affect your relationship with him? That in itself made you sigh, whether it was in relief or disappointment you weren’t sure.

Jungkook had let out a snicker as he gently stroked at your sides, “Not too bad baby, just gotta work on that pretty little face of yours, can’t have you looking so submission in front of others guys they won’t be as kind as me.”

“Kind?” You huffed under your breath. In what way was Jungkook at all kind in the moment before?

Jungkook had only let the smirk coil on his lips further as he cupped your chin, forcing you to look up at him as he pressed his forehead against yours, “I have self control babygirl, not too many guys can say the same.” Just that playful smug look on his face had you both pouting and scolding.

Was there ever a moment he wasn’t flirting with you? His level of confidence truly was unmatched by anyone you had ever met in your life. He only laughed at you as you pried yourself from his grip as you fumbled to get out of his lap while standing up, “What do you want a sticker for doing the decent thing?”

“Maybe I do baby, you can put it right here with your mouth,” Jungkook had the dumbest grin on his face as he tapped his neck making you scold, finally turning away from him as you buried your face in your hands, why did god do this to you?

“Oh you poor thing,” Rosé cooed out sympathetically as she walked over, “You tease her too much Jungkook.” she huddled you into her arms as you whined but said nothing, letting her chin set on top of your head while babying you, “She’s delicate.”

You could hear Jungkook let out a snort, probably leaning back in his seat while replying, “I’m breaking her in, you think I’m about to let another guy in this seat while she’s still this shy?”

“Yeah but it’s one thing mentoring her, it’s another going full dom, poor thing looked ready to melt.” Rosé pouted out as she ran her fingers in your hair. You found yourself relaxing into her grip, her sweet vanilla body washing comforting you. She had such soothing aura it was difficult to not relax under.

“Well I can only do so much,” Jungkook shrugged before the smirk coiled onto his lips, “Before she’s gonna listen to her instincts and be a good girl. If she can survive me being like this while lapdancing then she won’t have a problem doing it for stiff necked guys with blue balls.”

Rosé only clacked her tongue before breaking your coddling, “I don’t understand the method to your madness but as long as it’s working I won’t judge.”

Jungkook stretched out before standing up, “There’s nothing wrong with having fun while working, ain’t that right babygirl?”

“You and I have very different ideas of fun.” You crossed your arms while closing your eyes, feeling your cheeks light up again while sighing at that dumb cheeky grin his lips seemed to always wear. He really did love teasing you, didn’t he?

You supposed all teasing aside, the nature of your relationship with Jungkook was ironically enough very playful, there was rarely a moment he wasn’t joking or goofing around trying to get you to smile and relax, it was at the very least, appreciated

Jungkook had a knack for being able to tell when you got too uncomfortable or when your nerves started taking over, some moments you wondered if he really was a mind reader. Just like now as he stretched out his neck before beckoning you over, “C’mere babygirl, we have one last exercise we have to go over before you’re free to go, pretty important one too.”

You furrowed your brows in confusion, wasn’t all of his training important? You had walked up to him regardless as you hugged your arms around yourself with curious eyes making his lips pulled upwards, “You’ve been making good progress, and while I wish I could keep you in here for longer we both know I can’t. You’ll be put on stage Saturday so we have to catch you up in choreography. I haven’t been worried about it sense you’re a dance major but you’ll be working with the fillers come Wednesday to finish it.”

“Wednesday?” Your eyes widened as panic spread through your veins, “But that’s a day away.”

Sure you were good at picking up choreography quickly, he was right in that assumption, but you were by no means going to be good at adding sexuality into it.

Jungkook shrugged loosely, nowhere near as panicked as you as he replied, “Mhm, and you’ll be just fine. The only problem you’re gonna have is what trouble they’ll give you. Like I said, filler’s can be bitchy but that’s about it. Just focus on yourself, okay?”

Your lips quivered into a frown as you glanced up at him before wringing your hands together, a habit of yours when you were overthinking, “I guess…”

“Hey,” Jungkook replied, grabbing your hands to get your attention again, “No ‘i guess’ okay? I wouldn’t be putting you out there so soon if I didn’t think you’d be okay. Trust me, remember?”

It was always those words, to trust him. It was a lot harder then you really thought it’d be, sighing you let your shoulders drop as you nodded, “Okay....I just,” you inhaled sharply before looking up at him again, “You really think I’ll be fine...?”

Jungkook only gave you a dumb, bunny like smile as he gave your hands a squeeze before letting them go, “One hundred percent babygirl, you might not think that but I know you’ll do fine. Now come on, let’s get started on this choreography.”

----

“What’s the problem?” You sighed, waving your chopsticks around as you sunk into your seat. Currently having midday lunch with Seulgi- who had been ironically enough doubting the decision you had made to make this journey with her.

Seulgi puckered her lips, taking a drink of her soda before sighing while setting the glass back down, quiet for a moment as she looked at you before exploding in words again, “This is just so unlike you Y/n! I mean, you a stripper? I just don’t want you to be hit on by creeps, or booed on stage or-” She waved her hands about exasperatedly before cutting herself off as she sighed solemnly, “The world really doesn’t deserve you Y/n, let alone the strip world.”

“I’ll be fine Seulgi, this is something I chose to do,” You reminded her as you glanced out the large window to the dull grey sky, it was a perfect cozy day to stay indoors and get cuddled up in bed but you still had three classes to attend and a four hour rehersal, the day was far from being over, “You’re always telling me to step out of my comfort zone, and I am. I think it would be good for me.”

Seulgi clacked her lips in thought before finally shrugging, “Well you are right, I do think it would be good for you. But isn’t babysteps like a thing of something? I mean what if Hanjae heard about this? He’ll flip his shit Y/n.”

“Oh he’s already flipped his shit,” You cringed as you gave her a tense smile, making her jaw unhinge as she raised her brows, wanting further explanation as you quickly clarified, “I texted him this morning saying I was taking a break from the relationship. I tried earlier this week but,” You sighed as you sunk back into your seat again, “He wasn’t having it, anyways he’s been blowing up my phone all day about it.”

“Holy shit,” Seulgi breathed out before howling out laughing, she had never liked him to begin with, always saying you could do better than him so naturally, she was gonna be supportive of your decision, “Have you responded?”

“No,” You shrugged making her slap her knee in joy as she continued laughing, even going as far as to wipe an invisible tear of joy from her eye, “He’s just been so controlling and- I don’t know, maybe it’s for the best that we both go our separate ways, I’m not really feeling sparks between us anymore and I can tell he probably isn’t either...he went to go hangout with Joy the day before I texted him about taking a break.”

Seulgi’s face twisted into a scold as she sneered, “That motherfucker! Hangout my ass, good on you babe he doesn’t deserve a drop of your time. The real question is are you going to end things for real?”

You thought about her words for a moment before shrugging, you certainly didn’t miss Hanjae’s presence, but obviously the same couldn’t be said on his end as he had been up your ass the whole day thus far, several missed called, three voicemails and eleven…yes eleven texts, “Probably,” You finally concluded, “I just don’t know if he’s gonna let me.”

And that was your biggest concern, Hanjae had downright refused you when you mentioned taking a break, if you said you were breaking up with him? You couldn’t even imagine how volatile his reaction might become.

“Oh my god.” Seulgi muttered, you were confused at her words at first, mainly because they weren’t directed towards you, her eyes spaced off behind you as you heard a distinct clatter of bells that were tied to the door knob.

Turning around to follow her gaze your face paled at the sight of the very person you were talking about with a hellbent expression stomping right to your booth as you curled into yourself, your gaze hardening as you glared into the table.

You downright refused to even look at Hanjae as he stopped in front of your table, fury melted into his eyes as he snapped out, “Why the fuck have you been ignoring me?”

----

Note: I’m so excited to finally have this up!! I hope you guys are enjoying the story thus far and let me know how you think the plot is progressing and what your thoughts on JK and MC are or with other characters!! I should be back to updating about once every other week so stay tuned and thank you guys so much for your kind words I always love your feedback!! <3

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