#cathartic typing

[mujeristafeminista]

also its so shameful to be so fucking old and to look back at all the bad habits and mental health issues and dermatillia and like body picking ive had since middle school and to still have it now feels shameful like if i never really grew up and like people around me expect me to do better but the reality is is that there is no better maybe more mangement and more skills

but like if youre mentally ill and fucking sick in the mind its for life

you just get better at handing it

and honestly just pairing the skin issues, with the brain issues its like a special recipe for disaster

fucking hell

i think i really need to go in on the self care

like just big on self care

i think im literally gonna have to take it back to a visual posterboard some stickers and like every week i dont skin pick or pick at my toenails and make them bleed at the end of the week i get to do something special or some shit because im literally going to cry

this is so frustrating

im so tired of myself

i wish it would just stop

[picturejasper20]

For all the mess that is Phantom Planet, there is something i really like about it and that is the fate of Vlad Masters when he tries to turn the asteroid intangible.

What i'm refering to is the conversation that Vlad has with Jack before leaving the spaceship, which is pretty well written in contrast to the rest of the episode.

Jack: ¨How could you hold the world hostage like that Vladdie? And after the good fortune you've had in your life.¨

Vlad: ¨Good fortune?! You infect me with ghost DNA then steal the love of my life and you call that good fortune?¨

Jack: ¨I infected you? You mean…¨

Vlad: Yes fool! It was your bumbling that made me what I am today!

There are plenty of aspects that i like about this conversation, but the part that gets me is ¨It was your bumbling that made me what I am today!¨.

Because that's basically who is Vlad at his core. He blames his bad actions on the accident and Jack. He doesn't see himself as a villain. He believes that his justified in his own actions because of his own victimization, in the sense he is never at fault of why others leave him or why things go wrong for him, it always someone else's fault, or Jack's.

Vlad's villain/antagonist arc in the main series is bit by bit loosing everyone that cares about him, either because he pushes them away or they find out what type of person he truly is but he never realizes that he is the reason this happens. He is so absorbed in his own delusion that he can't see what he is doing wrong. In result he ends up more frustrated that he already was, and thus more alone.

When Jack tries to explain to Vlad that he didn't intend to hurt him and what happened was an accident there is a moment that Vlad... stops walking, turns around and listens to what Jack is telling him.

It is interesting because it is almost like there is a part of him that wants to know what Jack has to say, even if moments later he doesn't care about that.

Jack: I never meant to hurt you. What happened was an accident. I'm your friend, Vladdie. I've always been your friend. 

Sadly for Jack, he finds out that ¨his friend¨ has become a very different person from the one he knew back in college.

Vlad: I'll remember that when I steal Maddie from you and make her my queen!

Which leaves Jack rightfully devastated that he has been friends with someone who was lying to him all this time.

Vlad flies to the asteroid and finds out that he can't touch it because it is made out of ectoranium, a sustance that ghosts can't touch and get hurt by it.

Then he realizes how screwed up he is because 1) The Earth is really doomed since he can't make the asteroid intangible and 2) he revealed his own ghost identity to the whole world and he ¨will be forever hunted¨.

Vlad: Ecto-ranium? Then I can never touch it. No ghost can. That means…the Earth is doomed. And even if it wasn't I could never go back. I've revealed…my true self. I'll be forever hunted.

Seeing that he is in real trouble he happens to ask Jack for help, minutes after he revealed what type of person he is to him, leading to one of my favourite exchanges in the series:

Vlad: Jack, you have to help me. You wouldn't turn your back on an old friend, would you?

Jack: An old friend? No. You? Yes.

And just like that Jack punches the fire jets control and leaves Vlad stranded in the middle of space, almost as a final ¨screw you¨ to his ¨best friend¨.

Desperately Vlad calls out for Jack's name only that this time there isn't anyone to answer him back. That is the moment Vlad realizes that he finds himself truly alone now, that he ended up pushing away the person who cared about him the most and that everyone on Earth hates him now. Or as he says it in ¨A Glitch In Time¨ novel: He has nothing to return to.

Then he flies away, not having the courage to get to see the Earth getting destroyed because of the asteroid.

I personally like this a lot because Vlad wasn't defeated in a epic battle, put behind bars or anything of that stuff. He was ¨defeated¨ by pushing away someone when he needed his help the most, in a sort of karmatic way.

Due to his obsession with controlling everyone and forcing people to ¨love¨ him he ended up in the way he hated the most and tried avoiding all this time: Completely alone, with no one that wants him around.

And to me, that's a satisfying way to end his arc in the main series since, again, his arc wasn't about him taking over the world or the Ghost Zone. It was about the way he treated others and how his obsession with power drove everyone away.

What it is more, i think it is one of the scenarios that makes the most sense to me for the development he gets in ¨A Glitch in Time¨ because he has to lose everything or being shown that his actions wouldn't get him what he was trying to achieve.

[bonefall]

Better Bones: CW List

Can't believe I have to make this disclaimer, but here we are

Better Bones is not a project that aims to fix canon by making the Clans wholesome and unproblematic. Though there can be fun and kindness in it and my philosophy is an optimistic one, It's not an escapist fantasy. It is a story about semi-realistic cats of human intelligence in a violent, war-obsessed theocratic dictatorship, and how they attempt to change it over the years.

Clan Culture is flawed, that is on purpose. Addressing and changing this is what the story is about.

I am very disappointed I have to state this because it should be obvious from my main post where I explicitly say that my goal is to "Address (Canon's) Problematic Elements." Not remove.

If you cannot handle themes or depictions of;

Physical and emotional abuse; Domestic, authoritative, and familial

Child abuse and inter-generational trauma

Somewhat graphic medical discussion, such as abortion, wound infection, and the use of leeches and maggots

The killing and processing of small animals into food, including tanning and butchery

Semi-realistic cat behaviors, specifically marking things with urine

Ableism; both externalized and internalized, Clan culture treats disabled cats poorly and this is something several characters struggle with

Xenophobia; to a violent degree, including stochastic terrorism, hate crime, and discrimination

^^^ read that one again. Consider that on this list twice.

Politics; Authoritarianism, fascism, and liberalism as an enemy, discussion of dog whistles and ideology

"Redemption arcs" of people who did bad things

Cosmic horror and supernatural curses

Graphic violence, including against innocent bystanders, through assault, poisoning, drowning, falling, and even being eaten alive by large fish and demigods.

Animal abuse; Human beings harming cats on purpose and Clan cats generally being terrified of all humans, even kind and loving ones

Clan cats, both villainous and culturally mislead, glorifying these things in-universe, not immediately staring at the camera and breaking character to tell you "This Is A Bad Thing!"

Then Better Bones may not be for you. I would at minimum rate this project as PG-13, but PG-16 would be a more accurate bet.

I have sympathy for you if these are not topics you can handle. My project tackles very upsetting real-world issues and not everyone is looking for something challenging; that's understandable and there's no fault in that. I try to tag appropriately but can't promise to catch everything, so please keep yourself safe.

There are other, softer projects out there run by cool people if this is not for you, and you can add #Better Bones AU to your tag filters and this project will not show up!

But, I'm not responsible for your comfort with my art. If you followed me under the assumption that BB is "Warriors without any ableism/xenophobia/violence" you were mistaken. If you don't have the maturity to act responsibly when something upsets you, or DO have the malice to read a disabled person's work with the most bad faith interpretations you can muster, LEAVE.

[kibibarel]

got so mad about softlocking myself + needing to redo hours of progress that i got drunk, attempted this check (which i originally wasn't going to even attempt because i was TRYING to roleplay as the Sensitive type), and proceeded to knock this guy out with a 360 flying spin kick

changed my mind again. Disco Elysium is okay

[truetgirl]

Anybody else feel, sometimes, like a scene is very specifically targeted at you?

The fear and love for his family. The rage, the drive, the protective instinct pushing him further than he thought he could ever go again. The reminder of who he is, how he falls so effortlessly back into the power once he's finally been pushed far enough. The merciless and righteous fury in the face of evil. Fucking BREATHTAKING.

[cassiaslair]

from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.

bow down.

get on your knees & bow down.

i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.

so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.

i'm on another level that you'll never reach.

if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.

you will never know, it's the price i pay.

look into my eyes, we are not the same.

i'm in control, & you'll know my name.

i gave my life, gave it everything.

the best of your best ain't good enough.

keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.

so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.

i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.

now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?

would you go to war? would you die for it?

paranoid.

something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.

every time i look around, it follows me home.

i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.

all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.

sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).

is it all inside my head?

i just can't escape the noise.

i think i'm paranoid.

every time you leave.

all i ever wanted was to find someone.

holding it together is the hardest part.

every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.

every time we speak, words don't do it justice.

it's just us from here.

finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.

everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.

i can't believe you gotta go away again.

if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.

we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.

no one said life gets in the way.

rise above it.

i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.

i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.

if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.

so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.

you're in over your head.

i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.

i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.

one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).

i count my enemies like trophies.

i've got nothing left to prove.

when i look at you, all i see are trophies.

i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).

you cannot stop me, so don't even try.

breaking down.

i think... i think too much.

i'm a little bit paranoid.

i think i'm breaking (down).

maybe it's in my blood.

hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.

everybody's out to get you.

every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.

i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.

everybody fucking hates you.

i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.

i don't really like myself.

DOA.

on our knees, we pray as we waste away.

we dig our grave, dead on arrival.

i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.

i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.

maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.

sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.

i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).

i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.

i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).

dead is the land of the free.

am i not worth saving?

gasoline.

let's burn it fucking down.

back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.

killed the old way (but i survived).

fuck the blueprint.

death or exile, you decide.

tell 'em all that i made my name.

now it's mine to send up in flames.

this right here is as far as you go.

this right here is where i lose control.

burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.

fuck what they say, fuck everything.

kill it all (kill everything).

nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.

break or bow down, you decide.

tell 'em all that you can't be saved.

tell 'em all that you dug this grave.

learn to live in this mess you made.

hurricane.

tell me i was never good enough.

remind me of the demons that i've been running from.

tell me who the hell you thought i was.

just blame it on the person, the person i've become.

lately, i don't give a fuck.

i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.

(&) maybe, i'm already gone.

i'll never be the same.

it hit me like a hurricane.

i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).

it got the best of me.

tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.

i reach out, but it's pulling me under.

remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.

tell me i was never worth the time.

just blame it on the person you think i left behind.

look into my eyes.

believe me that the storm is coming.

let me be sad.

i'm holding back right now.

('cause) i'm numb to what's around.

i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).

now everything is turning grey.

i'm blacking out the shades for now.

let me be sad.

let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.

let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.

can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?

i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.

i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.

i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).

these voices get so vicious.

feels like i'm ripping stitches.

i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).

that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).

when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.

low.

i'm so damn low.

i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).

the walls are caving in.

i've got these voices in my head.

i don't know why i'm broken.

my world is sinking in.

they tell me that i'm not enough.

is it my time?

even when i'm high, i still feel low.

voices in my head won't leave me alone.

i keep falling.

i'm in over my head again.

i'm on my own, i know it.

i think i'm too far gone to save.

i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.

the more they say, the more they cut.

i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).

i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.

this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.

deadweight.

i'm cutting out the deadweight.

let me take a second to get this through to you.

it's time you get put in the rearview.

cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.

let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.

i'm done with the ones that don't believe.

i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.

all this negativity weighing down on me.

admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.

i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.

now i can see what you're really all about.

turn your back & run your mouth.

i laugh at all the time you wasted.

you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.

so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.

keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).

i don't belong here.

'cause i don't belong here.

those days, it was all i wanted.

nowadays, it feels all the same.

used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.

now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.

time disappears, year after year.

how the hell did i get here?

i feel so far away.

minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.

i gave up everything.

you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.

looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...

i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.

must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.

you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.

some days i feel i can't take the pain.

i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.

[empty-dream]

To whose who live in the Lostbelt, and then—

[hotcinnamonsunset]

love thy neighbor for summer of buddie week 7: alternate universes

Hi neighbor! I just moved in next door and was wondering if you were able to move your chicken coop closer to the other side of your property? It’s situated less than the required 25 feet from neighboring homes to my property line and your chickens make a lot of audible noise in the morning. Thanks! E. Diaz, 210 Bedford St. Buck is flying out the door, nearly late for his regular night shift at the hospital again when he notices the yellow sticky note affixed to the windshield of his Jeep. The fuck? His eyes skate over the thinly veiled complaint and he’s suppressing a groan and an eye roll by the time he’s in reverse. He hadn’t even realized that Mr. Sheffield next door had moved out, much less that his lease had been taken over by a total douche.

the penultimate week of @summerofbuddie! a neighbors AU to add to the mix🥳🏘️❣️

[laruestars]

genuinely obsessed with about you by the 1975. changed the trajectory of my life. healed me in a way i cannot articulate. forever altering the course of my mind. ascends me to a higher realm. i am experiencing existence on an elevated plane. the spiritual successor to robbers. i am young and i feel divine. 

[diffenbachiae]

my friend referred to me as ‘femme’ like a year ago now and i still think about it every single day. it eats away at me and i can’t figure out why other than that it feels WRONG. i’ve always thought of myself as butch and i can’t put it into words but it lives in the way i carry myself and interact with the world.

i can understand that the way i dress and look is feminine to most people- i have long hair, i wear a lot of jewelry and makeup, my favorite color is pink- if you’re going based purely on stereotypes, i’m very ‘femme’. however, the way i dress is also without a doubt queer. it is obvious to straight women that i am not straight.

so should i have to cut my hair and stop wearing makeup to be viewed as who i am? i could easily shave my head and start dressing in basketball shorts and t-shirts, and then suddenly how i’m labeled by my community would change. to do so would feel restricting and stifling. i feel much more butch in a long black skirt, black lipstick, and a leather jacket, holding the door open for my date. or lifting boats above my head at work while wearing pink glittery blush and heels. why should i stop dressing feminine? i’m a woman. why does my appearance continually dictate how others should treat me?

anyway, hi, i’m lizzie and i’m continually haunted by the queer dismissal of my rejection of my perceived identity. i think for me butchness is tied to my refusal to conform to society’s view of womanhood and subversion of gender roles instead of purely my gender presentation of ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’. if you’re a lesbian i’d love your thoughts on this and if you’re not a lesbian i also would like your thoughts but may take them with a grain of salt

[andi-o-geyser]

all is well as i slowly slide back into the intrest of band of brothers (2001) while i prepare to watch it for fun with my friends OH NO WHATS THIS A HYPERFIXATION ON THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN JOE LIEBGOTT SEAN FINNERTY AND PERCIVAL DE ROLO COMING OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A STEEL CHAIR

[cmdonovann]

man. ive had this art in my drafts since like three dnd games ago (so, like, two months? lmao) and have been putting off finishing it because NOTHING i could draw could possibly express how fucked up this fight made me feel. immense shouts out to my DM for a) understanding my taste in symbolism and themes, and b) letting raz literally kill himself with no consequences

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

[hungriesttable]

you know it’s peak when the MCs have an emotionally intimate and tangled and toxic relationship that transcends yaoi

[thethingything]

just finding out that the term "anticipatory grief" exists and reading about it and then finding out about other concepts like disenfranchised grief and ambiguous loss and like... oh okay now I have some terms for things we experience but never know how to talk about

[astrologanize]

when i read for my 2023 i was disheartened to see that this year would involve being discontent, having to shove feelings aside, and suck things up because obviously that doesn’t sound too fun but also because i feel like i’ve gone through that for quite awhile. over halfway through the year now and i’m starting to find peace in knowing that this year is a transitional time that may not be exciting and it may overall feel as though i’m getting nowhere but i know that i am. i’m in the process of setting up my life and having to work through discomfort! self-regulating has been trying at times but practice is bringing greater ease. lots and lots of practice. a year to practice is how i’m beginning to frame it