#catching fire is on tv and they just had the fake baby reveal

[the-golden-dragoness]

Peeta mellark the man you are

[hoshiwhxre]

I’ll Look After You. (kjk)

Kim Junkyu : I’ll Look After You

description : junkyu becomes worried for you when he witnesses one of your dad’s angry outbursts and offers you a place to stay for a while at his - soon you both recognise and give in to your fast developing feelings for each other and things quickly become...hot.

typ : smut / bit of fluff

pairing : softdom!junkyu x female!reader

rated : NSFW

warnings : praise!kink , slight size!kink , unprotected sex , smut smut smut smut

word count : 3.5k

    "Y/N, would you get the door? I'm busy," your father's abrupt yell brought your fingers straight to your headphones, tearing them off with a sigh. You rose to your feet and with a rushed stumble padded down the stairs towards your front door. Upon a second knock, you twisted the key to tug the heavy plastic open - revealing a tall young man stood patiently before you.

    "Junkyu?" you blinked, slight surprise in your tone.

He laughed, rubbing his neck with a shy grin.

    "Sorry to be annoying, but I left my phone here earlier."

    "Oh? Come on in, I'll see if I can find it," you offered him a polite smile as you stepped to the side, allowing him through, "wait here, do you remember where you left it?"

    "The living room," Junkyu pushed his hands into his pockets, his eyes flickering down to hover momentarily over your material shorts. Mouth dry, he swallowed, watching you move away with a nod, leaving him to stand alone in the small hallway. For a few minutes he gazed around at the picture cladded walls, dragging his gaze over your smiling face from a baby up until now. His lips twitched, one particular picture of your friends huddled together catching his attention. He could practically hear the screaming laughter, remembering how you'd pushed each other into the pool, how you'd warmed up around a fire pit, how you'd all cuddled together long into the night. It was the first and only time you two had been so intimate, just the two of you, sharing a blanket and dozing beside each other while your friends spoke softly between themselves. Out of the group, you'd never been that close - there were so many of you, after all.

    His thoughts were interrupted by the angry yell of an older man's voice, forcing Junkyu's body to jump in shock. Head shooting up, he stared at the slightly ajar living room door, flinching with every frustrated grunt of what could only be your father. You emerged a few moments later looking drained and weary, but holding out Junkyu's phone in your hand.

    "Sorry about that," you said quietly.

Brow furrowing, Junkyu shook his head.

    "It's fine---"

    "I'm so fucking sick of this," again, your father's shout made Junkyu's limbs tense, and his teeth sank anxiously into his lower lip.

    "What's happened? Is it because I'm here?" Junkyu asked, carefully.

    "No, no," you sighed, "he's just like that. Nothing new."

You spoke quietly, as if desperately trying not to be heard, and it left Junkyu with a worried, messy feeling.

    "It doesn't bother you?" he murmured.

Glancing up, you met his eyes, hovering over his soft gaze for a few seconds before forcing a small smile.

    "You get used to it," you paused, "I'll see you tomorrow? At Mia's?"

Junkyu's head inclined slightly, his response dithering as his mind twisted with nerves. He didn't like the idea of you being on your own like this.

    "Will you be okay?" his voice was low, "he doesn't...hurt you...does me?"

    "Junkyu, please, it's nothing," you insisted, weakly.

    "It doesn't seem like nothing," he spoke sharply, "tell me, y/n, he doesn't does he?"

Taking a deep breath, you allowed yourself to internalise his concerned features, his taller figure standing protectively close. You didn't realise he cared so much.

    "Not any more," you said softly.

Junkyu's muscles twitched, his fingers tapping impatiently against his thighs.

    "Where's your mum?"

    "Away with my brother."

    "I'm not letting you stay here alone, y/n."

    "You're making a big deal out of nothing---"

    "If he hurts you, and I didn't do anything to stop it, I couldn't live with myself. Look, I'll call Mia---"

You suddenly snatched up his wrist, holding it close to prevent him from reaching towards his back pocket.

    "No," you said quickly, "she'll tell her parents and make it into something it's not - this just happens every now and then, he gets frustrated, he's coming down from a high..." breaking off, you avoided his eyes.

    "Drugs?" he choked, "you can't seriously think I'm letting you stay here."

    "Letting me?" your eyebrow cocked, "you're not letting me do anything, I don't belong to you."

You attempted to release his wrist, but instead his fingers curled through yours, holding onto them tightly.

    "If you won't tell Mia, or the others, then stay at mine. Even if it's just for a few nights until he calms down, it's better than you having to deal with this atmosphere."

Your cheeks went warm, heart stammering in shocked response to his kindness. The way he gazed at you so intently made your stomach twist with butterflies, completely overwhelmed by his insistence to keep you safe.

    "Junkyu..."

    "Please," tone softening, he squeezed your hand, "if not for yourself, then for me - to put my mind at ease."

Chewing your lip, you could feel yourself drawing closer to him, suddenly wanting nothing else but his arms around you. You didn't think before you were slowly nodding your head, fingertips sinking into the back of his hand. He was right - it would be better than living in that atmosphere. Used to it or not, it was getting to you more and more every day.

    "Let me just go get some things," you whispered.

----

    Junkyu threw his set of keys into a pot positioned to the right of his front door, nodding towards the living room and then gesturing to the house.

    "It's just me and you for a while," he said, "my parents are in America."

Looking around, you took in the attractive decor, getting used to the new surroundings. After 2 years of knowing each other, you'd never once been to his home.

    "It's nice," you breathed, "it's got this feel about it, kind of..."

    "Calming?" Junkyu finished for you.

Your eyes met, his grin sending shivers down your spine.

    "Calming," you repeated with a murmur, "like you."

He laughed, approaching the living room and falling down into the heavily pillowed sofa. Following suit, you lowered down beside him, bowing your head in sudden silence.

    "Thank you," you said quietly, "it's nice to be out of there."

Junkyu gazed at you, before scooching close to lightly nudge your arm. Even sat down, his figure was taller than yours, and it allowed for you to feel comforted in his presence.

    "Why didn't you tell any of us?" he asked, gently, "we care about you."

With a quiet, sad laugh, your head turned towards him.

    "What am I supposed to say? The stress I struggle with every day is worsened by my dad's rollercoaster emotions? He smokes weed so often his paranoia sends him into fits of anger, screaming accusations fueled by absolutely insane thought patterns? I'm constantly on edge, unsure how he'll behave today - the outbursts make me feel anxious, and they make me depressed but there's nothing I can do to..." you broke off, your voice gradually increasing in pitch until it finally cracked with a breathless gasp.

    As soon as the tears filled your eyes, your throat closing far enough to make your words strained and quiet, Junkyu wrapped an arm around your shaking shoulders. He tugged you close, guiding your head against your chest before meeting his hands behind your back. Murmuring gentle soothings down your ear, he rose one hand to begin running his fingers comfortingly through your hair. For a few moments they remained in that embrace, your tears soaking his t-shirt, your grasp tight around the white material, before Junkyu began to slowly lower both of you down against the sofa. He tugged his legs up, resting your body between them so he could wind his arms further around your waist. While your cheek pressed into the crook of his neck, he ran his fingers in delicate circles along the small of your back, and within moments your breath was steadying and limbs were relaxing into him.

    "Stay here for a bit," Junkyu breathed, "it's okay."

    "I'm sorry," you whispered, "for this. It's so embarrassing I---"

    "Don't be stupid," he nuzzled his cheek into your soft hair, "we're friends, aren't we?"

Slowly, you head tilted up, gazing up into his dark eyes.

    "We've never been that close," you murmured, aware of his firm hands resting against your lower back, confused by the butterflies it was sending through your body.

With a gentle smile, Junkyu reached up to brush the remininsce of tears from your cheeks. He bowed his head slightly, your lips hovering close - and he swallowed.

    "We can be close now," he purred, the sensation of your warm breath tickling his skin and keeping his body tensed. For a few moments you held each other's gaze, only centimetres away from deepening the intimate moment. A flustered rush overcame his body, and Junkyu swallowed, "do you want to do something? To take your mind off it?"

Your palms against his chest, you nodded, allowing both yourself and him to rise. As he slipped from the sofa, you felt a wave of emptiness rush through your veins.

    "You like dancing, right? I know you and Doyoung spend a lot of time together," Junkyu spoke, turning on the TV screen, "want to play Just Dance? I bet I'll beat you."

You laughed, drawing a rose brow from the other boy.

    "What?" he faked indignance, "you don't believe me?"

    "Whatever you say," you smiled, eyes suddenly sparkling, "but I have a little brother who's obsessed with this game, I'm telling you right now I've had more practice than you."

Throwing a remote to you, Junkyu motioned for you to step out onto the floor.

    "It's cute how confident you are," he drawled, "but I'm better than you."

His cockiness was sending waves of weakness through your body, and you could feel your heart stammering each time your eyes met.

    "Game on."

For the next 20 minutes your laughter echoed loud throughout the house, squeals and shouts merging with teasing remarks. Your breath was heavy and sweat dripped from your foreheads, snatching at each other's arms to tug them to match the positions of the on-screen dancers.

    "I need a drink," you panted, pushing hair from your face. With a grin, Junkyu nodded, breathlessly leading you into his kitchen. He filled up two glasses of water, passing one into your smaller hand and gulping down his own drink.

    "I'm winning," you teased, laughing, "I told you."

    "We've still got round 2 yet," Junkyu winked, "don't get too cocky."

You reached out, plucking at his shirt lightly.

    "Let's get back to it, then."

As if entranced by you, Junkyu's head lowered, allowing you to guide him slowly back to the living room. The song that flooded the room next was a warm up, slow-paced and sensual, allowing Junkyu's eyes to study your careful body. Copying the moves, your hands clasped, pulling close to press your chests together. For a few seconds you remained still, heart pumping, your gaze on his lips, his eyes on your neck - before coming to the embarrassed realisation that the song had finished. The next dances were a lot faster, drawing more laughter and playful giggles from your throats. It wasn't long before you both collapsed weakly down onto the sofa, again panting breathlessly. You'd fallen close to each other, pressed together as you caught your breath before turning your heads with a smile. Breath heavy on the other's face, your noses were so close to touching.

    "Okay, I admit," Junkyu murmured, "you're better than me."

You gazed up at him through long lashes, releasing a tired giggle at your success.

    "I told you."

Within seconds, Junkyu's expression had grown serious, stopping your fast beating heart in an instant. You could feel his fingers twitch against yours, his eyes flickering to your lips.

    "I know one thing I can do better than you," he whispered.

And suddenly his hand was shooting up, taking your jawline in his palm with a thumb pressed to your cheek and fingers curling around the back of your neck. In one smooth movement he pressed his lips to yours, lids fluttering shut to taste the delicate cherry dawning your tongue. Without hesitation you pushed into the kiss with just as much passion, your tongue slipping between his lips as your fingers curled around his arm. As the seconds passed, both yours and his hands began to wander, Junkyu pushing you back to the leather so his firm palms could guide your thighs against his waist. Your body was growing hot, his tall, broad figure dominating you so easily you gave in to him without resistance. Slowly, his lips dropped to press open-mouthed kisses against the sensitive skin of your neck, every now and then sinking his teeth in deep to leave dark marks in his place. A soft whimper fluttered from your mouth, fingers entwining through his hair as you felt a hot pool begin to grow at you core.

    "You're so beautiful," he mumbled, his mouth reaching the low hem of your t-shirt. As his hands strayed to the thin material, he glanced up, asking silent permission to take it off. Upon your nod, your desperate "y-yes", he slowly tugged the t-shirt over your head, throwing it to the floor. With surprising ease he unclipped your bra next, allowing it to join your top before attaching his lips once again to your skin. His tongue swirled in a light circle against your breast, teeth leaving another dark purple mark. Head rolling back, you watched through hooded eyes as one hand squeezed your left breast, while his mouth remained concentrated on the right. Once he finally sat up, his tongue sliding across his lip as he gazed down at you lay helpless beneath him, he smiled - a small, slight smile that erupted your chest in excited butterflies. Chest heaving, you watched him pull of his shirt, dropping it to the floor before lowering himself to mould his lips once more against yours. While you kissed, his large hands strayed to your shorts, fingers curling beneath the hem to guide them slowly down your legs. You kicked them off, carefully, before your back arched with a high moan in response to his middle finger dragging lightly against your soaked panties.

    "You're already so wet," he murmured in your ear, "for me?"

Your nod made his eyes roll up in pleasure, beginning to tease your clit through the lace in a desperate attempt to drawn more moans from your lips. Becoming slightly impatient, he dragged your panties past your hips to your ankles - again urging you to kick them to the floor. You obliged immediately, desperate for him to go further. Reaching up to cup his cheeks in your palms, you willed him to go on - just as you felt him unzip his jeans, fumbling with the denim. Lips pressing together, he reached down to guide his tip to your entrance. Slowly, steadily, he pushed a few inches in, stilling for a moment to allow you to adjust to his size. You hummed against his mouth, a soft gasp creating smooth vibrations, not expecting him to be that hard or that thick. Pushing all the way in, causing you to catch your breath as you felt his cock seem to press against your guts, Junkyu stilled once again. As you pressed your lips harder against his, your palms against the back of his neck, he drove his hips into you with one slow, hard movement. He continued with that pace, enjoying the taste of your tongue against his, his hips offering you deep, steady thrusts. Your bodies pushed and pulled against the leather, already so sensitive your lips were growing weaker and messier against each other.

    "You're doing so well," Junkyu praised, softly.

His words made your body shiver with pleasure, nodding with a light whimper to your praise. Recognising your enjoyment to his words, he continued with low, gentle phrases of praise, "you're such a good girl", "you're taking it so well", "you're doing great, princess", "so pretty, seeing you so weak for me", "I'm so proud of you, angel".

    Soon, his words, mixed with his deep thrusts, were making your core knot up completely. You were becoming desperate, your breath catching, and your nails sinking into his hair until he could feel you tighten around his cock.

    "Are you going to cum for me?" he mumbled against your lips, "let me hear you say it, baby."

    "I-I'm going to cum," you whimpered.

    "Say my name," his dark eyes met yours, "say my name while I make you cum."

His soft demands were making you come undone, finding yourself putty in his hands. Your moans were loud, unable to stop your eyes from closing in ecstasy.

    "Look at me," he breathed.

You obliged, and almost immediately your limbs tensed against him, your body shaking as you came undone - a rush of pleasure shooting through your veins. Collapsing back, breathless, you gazed into his satisfied smirk, before reaching up to begin weakly peppering light kisses against his jaw, trailing to his neck, to his ear. Your soft touch against his skin erupted him in goosebumps, swallowing as you began to push at his chest. He rose, back pressing against the sofa, and you rose one leg over his - straddling him delicately. His calm eyes watched as you reached down, sliding your fingers along his hard shaft before beginning to lower yourself - slowly - onto it. Lips twitching, he rested his hands firmly against your waist, guiding you as your teeth sank into your lip with a light gasp.

    "Good girl," he murmured.

Allowing his head to roll back, Junkyu's throat released low grunts as you began to slide up and down his cock carefully. You were still so wet, the warmth almost seemed to make him bigger inside of you.

    "Slowly," he urged, "take it easy, I don't want you to be sore...not just yet."

His words made you whimper, your arms winding around his neck to feather kisses against his ear. Teeth sinking into his lobe, you bounced a little faster, drawing deep moans from his mouth just as he had done to you.

    It wasn't long against before you could feel his cock twitch slightly inside of you, his grip on your waist tightening with every ride. His head turned, pushing his lips to yours to muffle his groans, before his limbs began to abruptly tense. Thighs flexing beneath you, fingers sinking into your skin, his teeth suddenly sank into your lip - drawing enough blood for it to drip once onto his tongue.

    He grunted, one last time, before stilling your body against his chest as he felt himself collapsing undone. Breathless, you fell forward, resting your head in the crook of his neck, while his warm hands began to slide along your back. His pants were heavy against you, quietening himself by lightly kissing shoulder.

    "Are you hungry?" Junkyu mumbled.

Upon your nod, he guided you from his lap and tugged his underpants up to his hips before rising from the sofa. He glanced down at you, smiling slightly at the sight of you lying contently on his sofa - lids closed, cheeks pink.

    Sensing he'd left for the kitchen, you forced yourself up, plucking his t-shirt from the floor and tugging it's large frame over your body. You slipped your panties on and rose to your feet, entire body tingling from the minutes before. Quietly, you began to pad in Junkyu's direction, sneaking up on his taller figure to wind your arms around his waist while he cooked.

    "Eggs?" he breathed, tapping at the pan of boiling noodles. He felt you nod against his back, laughing at your clingy embrace, "come here, sit here..."

Turning, he bent down to haul your body up onto the side next to him, pressing his lips to your cheek before addressing his concentration back on the food.

   "Was it okay?" Junkyu asked, softly.

Tilting your head, you surpressed a smile.

    "More than," you murmured.

    "Really?" Junkyu grinned, eyes sparkling with a renewed cockiness, "how so?"

    "I felt taken care of,” you admitted, blushing at the mere memory.

Glancing up, Junkyu carefully studied your features.

    "I've always thought you were beautiful," he breathed, resting his palms either side of you, slightly leaning in, "especially that night after the pool."

    "I think about that every now and then," you reached up to brush your fingers through his hair, "cuddled up with such a handsome guy, I was surprised you couldn't hear my heart."

    "I can hear it now," Junkyu teased, pulling off to stir the pan, "you think I'm handsome?"

His voice was careful, as if he didn't quite believe you.

    "Of course I do," you murmured.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection Day 25: Slow Burn

The difference between living and existing (WIP) | @lucy-is-alive

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6052 Main Tags/Warnings: John Winchester's A+ parenting, College AU, Sexuality crisis, PTSD, Childhood trauma, Recreational drug use, Angst and hurt/comfort Summary: As soon as he got the chance, Dean left his father behind and went to college. However, he never anticipated that the absence of the person who had disrupted his entire life would make it worse. With the help of his friends, he tries to navigate through the emotional hurricane that comes with complex PTSD.

Celestial | @deservetobesaved

Rating: Mature Word Count: 10585 Main Tags/Warnings: slow burn, mutual pining, fluff, emotional affair, bottom!dean Summary: Dean is in a less than stellar marriage, but he assumes things will work themselves out. At the same time, Mr. Castiel Novak becomes his new co-worker at school and Dean has to rethink everything he thought he had figured out.

Welcome to the Badlands (WIP) | @cr-noble-writes

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 15386 Main Tags/Warnings: graphic violence, dystopian au, fusion, into the badlands au, slow burn Summary: The wars were so long ago, nobody even remembers. Darkness and fear ruled until the time of the Barons, seven men and women who forged order out of the chaos. People flocked to them for protection. That protection became servitude. They banished guns and trained armies of lethal fighters they called Clippers. This world is built on blood. Nobody is innocent here. Welcome to the Badlands.

Profound Kisses | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 20700 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, post 8x07 canon divergent, mutual pining, explicit sexual content, angst with a happy ending, clueless! Castiel, pining!Dean, Top!Dean, Bottom!Cas, slow burn, love confessions, first kiss, french kiss, Sammy knows. Summary: Dean knows he's screwed. He discovers he is in love with Castiel in Purgatory, and now he can't even have the angel in front of him, because he knows it's a one sided love. It’s Valentine's day and Dean tries very hard to hook up as always, but he can't get Cas out of his mind. So he drives back to the motel, drunk, and he finds Castiel trying to help him. Then, when Dean asks Castiel for some experimental kisses and the angel accepts, Dean starts a very dangerous game… finding in Castiel's kisses the most delicious experiences, but also, his own perdition. Will Castiel fall in love with him? Or will he stay emotionless as always?

Hate me, but love me too | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 23310 Main Tags/Warnings: Virgin!Dean,f hate spell, hate curse, younger!dean, older!sam, Grace Sharing, First Kiss, First Time, Hate Sex, Dubious Consent, Mildly Dubious Consent, Cas is cursed, (not really MCD but Cas isn't alive in the beginning), Castiel has sex with somebody else in the beginning(and Dean sees it), Heartbreakbut I will fix it! Summary: Dean’s whole life changes when his mother tells him that John isn’t his biological father and he needs to save the world from his sibling Adam, who is the King of Hell. But he can’t do that alone, he needs the best Hunter earth had, Castiel Novak.

Starstruck (WIP) | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 40860 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Slow Burn, Actor Dean, Single Parent Castiel, Pining Summary: From the outside Castiel Novak looks like a regular guy: a good job, two teenage kids, a nice house and a crappy car he’s way too attached to. But there’s one thing no one knows about him: that, over twenty years ago, he used to live next to no other than Dean Winchester – back then a brash and loud-mouthed boy and nowadays a huge movie star and Hollywood’s sweetheart. Castiel never bothered to tell anyone about his childhood friend because frankly, who would believe him? Probably even Dean himself already forgot about his former awkward and weird neighbor, so Castiel seriously doesn’t see any point in mentioning the whole thing ever. But then an interview on national TV happens where Dean reveals way more about his past than ever before … and Castiel - as well as the rest of the world - suddenly realizes that he left a much bigger impact on Dean’s life than he originally thought.

Letter to Dean Winchester (WIP) | @castielsangel-blade

Rating: Mature Word Count: 44182 Main Tags/Warnings: Past Lisa/Dean, Past Aaron/Dean, Past Castiel/Dean, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Mentions of Past Cheating, Mentions of Past Toxic Relationship, Gray Romantic Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Epistolary, Bisexual Dean Summary: Castiel writes and sends a letter to Dean Winchester. He wants closure for the toxic relationship they had in high school.

Falling Apart | @cr-noble-writes

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 49204 Main Tags/Warnings: minor character death, sam deceased when fic starts, alcoholism, drug misuse, addiction, rehab au, soulmate au, flashbacks, ptsd Summary: Sword & Cross Resident Rehabilitation is a last-ditch effort for Dean Winchester to move past the drug and drinking problems he developed to bury his guilt over the fire that killed his brother. Not to mention the wild visions and smoky, sentient shadows that have plagued him his entire life. It's supposed to be the best Savannah has to offer, but one look at the crumbling tile floors and dangling crown mouldings, and Dean has his doubts. Enter Castiel Novak. He’s rude, aloof, and a total dick from the moment they lay eyes on each other but Dean can’t help but feel a mysterious connection to the man. Maybe he really has lost his mind. But when Castiel starts making appearances in Dean’s vivid visions of the past, he knows there is more to their link than meets the eye. Even if Cas keeps telling him otherwise. It seems everyone at Sword & Cross knows what’s going on except for Dean. Trying to conquer his mountain of guilt and doubt and figure out the connection he is certain he shares with Castiel is only made harder by the “accidents” that seem to follow him. Not to mention his attraction to Gadreel. Whatever secret Castiel is trying so hard to keep, Dean knows he has to uncover it.

Will you be my ten inch hero? | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 57468 Main Tags/Warnings: Bullying, Homophobic Language, Abusive John Winchester, Canon-Typical Violence, Smut, giving a baby to adoption (not between Destiel), Rape/Non-con Elements, John kicked Dean out, Virgin!Dean, surprise guest appereance, Minor Crowley (Supernatural)/Bobby Singer, Minor Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Minor Rowena MacLeod/Gabriel, two surprise pairings, not Ketch or Mick Davies friendly Summary: When John Winchester kicks Dean out, after he saw him kissing another boy, and Dean sees that Sam has a perfect life at Stanford without him, Dean starts a new life in Santa Cruz. He works at a tiny shop as a cook, has found some friends there, and is overall happy enough. That changes when Castiel comes into his shop and his Co-worker Azara, who has a different man every night, starts flirting with him right in front of Dean. Not that he would be jealous or anything, but there is something about Castiel that makes him weak in the knees. Only that Castiel would never want him back, right?

Roll With It | @saltnhalo

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 72818 Main Tags/Warnings: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Boss/Employee Relationship, Secretary Dean, Alternate Universe - Not Hunters, The Proposal AU, Alternate Universe, Romantic Comedy, Romance, Editor Castiel, Fluff and Angst, Sam Winchester at Stanford, POV Alternating, Geek Dean, Russian Castiel, Sharing a Bed, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Top Castiel, Bottom Dean, Misunderstandings, Tattooed Castiel, Love Confessions, Slow Burn Summary: For two years, Dean’s been slaving away beneath his boss – many label him a secretary, but he fucking hates that and feels like it only applies to someone wearing a pencil skirt, so he insists on his title of Executive Assistant. And for what? In the vain hope that one day he’ll manage to become an editor for Sandover Publishing, and that he’ll see the manuscript that he’s slaved over since college finally realized in print. That’s the dream, anyway. Right now, he’s fucking late. Dean wants to be an editor. Castiel just wants to stay in the country. ‘The Proposal’ – as you’ve never seen it before.

When the Magnolias bloom (WIP) | @flurryflair

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 92951 Main Tags/Warnings: slow burn, angst with a happy ending, mutual pining, human!Castiel, divorce, infidelity, middle aged destiel, explicit sexual content, top Castiel/bottom Dean Winchester, top Dean Winchester/bottom Castiel, POV alternating, unresolved sexual tension, denial of feelings, porn with feelings, anxiety attacks, manipulative relationship, unhealthy coping mechanisms, canon-typical violence, case fic, bisexual!Dean, demisexual!Castiel, semi-canon, minor Castiel/OMC, minor Dean Winchester/Lisa Braeden Summary: It's been ten years since the Apocalypse. Ten years without talking, without knowing one another. Castiel has a company to handle and a wedding to plan, Dean has a broken marriage and a decision to make. They have separate lives, lovers and families of their own, they aren't supposed to meet again, to mess it all up. And yet they do, when they least expect it, and maybe when they most need it. A story about second chances, about hope and resilience, and a love that feels both doomed and inevitable.

Unsung Melody (WIP) | @toomanyships-sendhelp

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 177617 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Character Death, AU Slaves, Slow Burn Summary: Dean runs a busy bar and grill in Lebanon, Kansas. Semi-retired from hunting, he'll still catch a case when one blows his way or the urge to hunt strikes him again. It isnt until a case that opened decades ago claims another victim and Dean has to get back in the game a little more than he expected.

[naerysthelonesome]

Time spent together

Part 6:

The narrator returns

Apollo and Lit are very, very close to Artemis’ place now. Apollo looks splotchy and nervous. I don’t like it. Clashes too much with his outfit. Lit, on the other hand looks cool and calm. That’s weird. Probably a façade.

Apollo finally makes a turn, and pulls into a driveway in this really nice neighborhood. I’d consider living here, if I could… live, you know? He parks the car and just sits there, like an idiot. I’m sure Lit notices because he punches Apollo lightly in the arm, and steps out. Apollo follows soon after, and Lit moves to the backseat to get his bag, but the former flaps at his arms in impatience. Boi does he not look the epitome of grace today.

Lit shoots him a look, and shoulders his bag anyway.

They both make their way to the front door of the pretty, baby blue house. It looks quaint, and cozy, and not really someplace I’d imagine Apollo’s cool sister Artemis living, but maybe she’s into the whole cottagecore thing. I wouldn’t know. I’m supposed to keep focused on Apollo and Lit.

Speaking of, Apollo is trying to look collected and nonchalant as he knocks on the door, but it’s (incredibly) clear that he isn’t. Lit inches just a little bit closer, trying to offer his support, but of course Apollo doesn’t notice. At least not at first. Then Lit’s hand brushes against his own, and, I kid you not, his eyes spark. His breath hitches in his chest, and he goes completely still. Simp.

The door bangs open to reveal a silver woman. No seriously, she’s silvery all over. Her hair and eyebrows have been dyed a most mesmerizing silvery-white, her skin glows in places (silver highlighter methinks), and all the delicate silver jewelry over the lacy, dark green tank top and gray shorts makes her look ethereal and fairylike. DAMN she is really taking the Artemis thing seriously.

“Big brother!”

“We’re twins, and you’re unoriginal”, Apollo says resignedly. Like he’s had this exact conversation before. He probably has. Artemis simply smiles.

“Aw don’t be like that!”

She turns toward Lit, who’s been standing there awkwardly, and offers him her hand. Palm facing down, snowy white fingers curled, like she expects him to kiss it.

Lit looks like he’s visibly restraining himself from turning to Apollo in bewilderment.

“Aren’t you going to take my hand?” Artemis asks, with a fake pout.

Lit reaches out and takes it, completely unsure of what to do next. He just holds it like it’s an unwanted bug someone’s placed in his hand.

“Must all your dates be so rude, Apollo?” Artemis questions, with a huff.

“Must you always act like a twat that doesn’t know what century it is, Artemis?” he replies, turning to Lit. “She’s just playing with you”.

Artemis laughs, and walks away. It’s a normal laugh, no tinkling wind chimes, or tumbling rivers. I don’t even know if that’s humanly possible. Stephanie must have been on something.

“Something tells me it’s best if I play along”, Lit says, following Apollo through the door.

“Definitely. Oh, and leave your shoes here.”

Two of the girls Artemis lives with are insanely pretty. (But then, all humans look insanely pretty to me… oh to have a physical form). And they look like polar opposites. The bigger one is wearing a flowy summer dress that perfectly complements her wheatish skin, her pink and brown hair in a neatly curled high pony, winged eyeliner on point. The other one has her orange-red hair hanging about her face, some of it still fixed in the messiest messy bun I’ve ever seen. She stays seated on the sofa, in her dull grey sweats, and simply turns to wave at the boys when they walk in, eyes still on the tv.

“Hi! I’m Arson”, says they pink-haired one, “And that’s Claire. She’s normally the active one, but it’s shark week so she’ll just lie there like that all day, useless”. She (they?) swiftly catches they pillow that’s been chucked at them, and grins. “Oh and Thalia’ll be out in a sec”.

“Your name’s Arson?” Lit asks, politely trying not to sound shocked or confused.

“Heh yeah. Of all the non-binary names someone like me could have picked, right?” They say, with a short laugh. “It was a close call between this, and Twig.”

“Her pronouns are she and they, btw”, Apollo says walking up from where he’d been talking to his sister, to envelop Arson in a hug, “Hey Ari!”

“Ah jeez. The hugging still isn’t over?” A raven haired girl says, walking into the now slightly crowded living room. “Well I’m Thalia. Do no touch me”. That last part was spit at Apollo. Her tone is menacing, but her little smirk shows otherwise.

“Hey Thalia”, Apollo says, reaching over to pat the red-head, Claire, on the shoulder, and ruffle her already ruffled hair. Please somebody comb it already!

“This is Lit, Apollo’s newest fling”, Artemis says, gesturing to the boy who looks like he can’t decide whether he wants to live here, or run away. He gives the room a shy smile. (Aww)

“Great! Now that we all know each other,” Get out of Pridelands? Sorry sorry. Just couldn’t miss out the opportunity to quote Lion King: Simba’s Pride. Artemis simply continues on with something about lunch and rotisserie chicken.

It’s been quite an uneventful couple hours, but oh, how could that possibly last? In a room full of people, half with names with mythological roots, and the one named after a crime? There’s bound to be some drama. No, calm down, there isn’t going to be a fire. Unless it’s Lit’s heart flaming for Apollo, or vice versa. ANYWAY I’m going way off script.

“So Lit, how’d you guys meet?” Claire asks around a mouthful of veggies, feet nestled comfortably on Arson’s lap. I’m starting to think they might be more than friends, but what do I know?

“Oh we had to do a project together. Obviously, we’d seen each other around before then, but yeah… that’s the first time we really interacted”, Lit answered, awkwardly trailing off at end, as if he thought he’d said to much. Seriously Lit? That was barely anything.

“And how long ago was that?” Arson asked.

“Uh-”

“About a month ago”, Apollo supplied, lacing his fingers through Lit’s, their hands clearly visible from the sofa they were seated on.

Lit’s adam’s apple bobbed, and he shifted slightly in his seat, but managed to keep calm, even lifting their conjoined hands into his lap.

“Huh. How long have you guys been together, then?” Thalia asked, staring to look interested.

“A couple weeks.” Apollo’s voice was calm, at startling odds with the red of his face.

“Oh?” Artemis said finally, her eyes moving from their linked hands, to Apollo’s face. “You move awfully fast brother.”

“Well, we both wanted it”, Lit tried to cut in. The sudden tension between the twins is so thick, even oblivious Lit notices.

Artemis ignores him and continues, “Don’t you remember what happened last time you moved this quickly?”

“Artemis, please”, Apollo says, starting to sound irritated, “You wanted me to stop fucking around, and I did. You seem to have a problem with everything I do.”

“Oh is that why you’re dating him? Because of me?” Oh shit… we’re getting awfully close to the truth now, huh?

“No. No, of course not”, Apollo lies quietly. Lit manages to discreetly untangle their fingers and pull away, looking a little hurt. “I like Lit”. So not all lies then? If only Lit knew that, then he’d stop looking like a kicked puppy.

“Just make sure he isn’t another Daphne”, Artemis says, a challenging look in her eyes.

“That was a mistake and you know it! When are you going to stop bringing it up?” Apollo spits angrily, before he gets up and walks out the front door.

Lit sits there in shock for a second, before deciding that an angry Apollo was easier to deal with that a room full of upset and curious people, and follows behind him. Damnit! I wanted to stay behind and listen to the gossip. Would you mind terribly if I did that?

Yea, I suppose you would.

Lit is leaning against the wall of the house, hands in his pockets, while Apollo leans over the porch railing, and stares at his car.

“So who’s Daphne?”

Apollo sighs in defeat, before saying, “My ex. One of my only two exes”. Then he turns around before almost hastily adding, “Exes being people I’ve actually dated, that is. Not just people I’ve slept with”.

“Of course. Of course you still care about your reputation as a fuckboy”, Lit says, sounding disappointed more than anything else. Look, I’m a sucker for drama, but what the hell is this?! I don’t like this.

“What? No”. Apollo sounds... scared? “No I’m just trying to be as clear as possible.”

Lit doesn’t say anything.

“Besides, why are you even mad? It’s not like we’re actually dating”.

“No.” Lit whispers, “We’re not”.

“Hey”, Apollo pleads, “I can’t handle you being mad at me too, Lit. I’m sorry you got dragged into this shit”.

Lit waves the apology away. “Why is Artemis so mad about Daphne?” If I were even a little less intuitive, I would’ve missed the hopeful tone of that question.

“Oh. Um- Daphne was one of Artemis’ best friends. That’s how we got close in the first place. Sometime last year, we started seeing each other, and eventually became official. We’d moved really quickly, and honestly didn’t have much in common except Artemis” And divinely good looks, if Apollo’s many flings are anything to go by. “But everything went great, nonetheless. Better than great, even. I started to think I loved her. Until it didn’t. Around the three month mark, things started to go sour. We’d disagree about pretty much everything, and we’d fight and argue all the time. Then it started to get monotonous and boring and we were just going through the motions. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I broke up with her, and…” That’s the one place he hesitates. “Left. I just left for college, and Artemis had to deal with Daphne, who apparently took it hard. I didn’t speak to her at all until just a few months ago.

We’re okay now, by the way. She says that I’m a better friend that boyfriend, and I can’t say I disagree. Lucky for you that we’re just faking it, right?” I notice the slight hitch in his voice, but Lit apparently doesn’t. He lets out a dry chuckle. “Artemis, on the other hand, is still obviously pissed. I don’t blame her. She said that Daphne only dated me at all because I seduced her. At first, I thought that was ridiculous, but if all the hoes on campus are anything to go by, it seems that was entirely possible”, he finishes bitterly. Well... that was quite a speech.

“I don’t know whether to be impressed or exasperated by your unwavering level of self-confidence”, Lit says tiredly, after a brief pause. “Well that wasn’t as bad as I expected”.

“Yea, Artemis has been known to overreact”.

“I think her reaction was warranted”. Lit himself looks surprised at having defended Artemis.

“Maybe it was”, Apollo amends, eager to get back on Lit’s good side, I suppose. “You’re not still mad, are you?”

“I’m not mad at you, no” comes the curt reply, suggesting that he is still mad at something. This whole situation, probably. This trip was supposed to be romantic for God’s sake!

“Good, because we have a little party to attend this evening”.

[singeramg]

Finding Forever: Chapter 4

Pairing: Henry Cavill/ OFC

Rating: E OR M however you want to say it 

Warnings (: Dom! Henry, Sub OFC, Smut, Some Angst, Oral, female receiving, Unprotected sex, (Don’t be silly, wrap your willies people) 

A/n: Sooooo it wasn’t that slow of a burn. I think four chapters is good enough to start the smut lol

Catch up: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 

In honor of Henry being a cheeky boy this morning, here is this gif and the story...

The ride back to the hotel was quiet as I regretted my hasty words. I knew I had effectively ensured Henry would dislike me if not right out hate me. Not to mention Mia would always feel some type of way about me if she and Henry decided to give it a go. I knew she wouldn’t outright cut me out for him because we had been through too much together for that to happen, but that didn’t mean I wanted my friend to look at me differently because of this. All because of my stupid inability to keep my mouth shut and my emotions down. 

I trudged up to my hotel room, flinging my shoes off and adding the chain to my room door. I headed to my bathroom, shuddering at the reflection in the mirror. Her ponytail was loose, her eyes red, eye shadow smudged and  looking downright tired. In short I looked a mess. 

I turned on my shower, grateful for the warmth of it falling on my skin. I stayed in far too long contemplating on how I would face the two of them tomorrow. I could fain a hangover but that wouldn’t save me from Mia and honestly she would figure it out that I was faking it. Frustrated, I cut off the shower and got out, pulling on a pair of grey spandex type shorts that had outgrown being appropriate to be worn in public and comfortable enough to sleep in, along with a thin black cami that had the words “killin’ it” written on the front in white. Pulling a black almost floor length on, I had made the decision to deal with everything  head-on tomorrow. As much as it would kill me, I was going to have to apologize to Henry. I told or at the very best implied something that he asked me about in confidence. I knew how that felt, as I had former friends other than Mia that I thought I could trust and they turned to use those secrets against me. I was a shitty person to do that to him. I cut on the TV in my bedroom for more background noise than anything and went out to the front of my suite to grab a bottle of water. 

I hadn’t bothered to cut on any lights as this was a quick trip over to the desk where I had been leaving my bottled drinks.

 “You know this hotel should really invest in better chains for their doors. I was able to slide that out of its place with a comb.”

 Is familiar accented voice said and I yelped, jumping a foot in the air, before trying to find a weapon in the darkness. The lamp near a red and gold accent chair cut on to reveal Henry sitting there looking as calm as ever, however I was the one freaking out. 

 “Holy shit Henry, you almost gave me a damn heart attack! What in the fuck? How did you get in here?”

 He gave a small smirk, holding up a rattail comb with the metal end. 

 “I told you with a comb. More specifically Mia brought me this comb and her copy of your room key, when I called to tell her I couldn’t reach you.”

 My eyes narrowed at the mention of Mia and while I winced on the inside, the outside showed no change. I crossed my arms across my chest, jutting a hip out.

 “You do realize there is thing called knocking. How it works is you tap from the outside, I hear it on the inside and decide if I want to let you in.”

He chuckled.

 “I knocked. You didn’t answer so I got to thinking maybe I could wait for you to come back to your room. I realized you were in the shower so I waited. I thought I was going to have to rescue you considering how long you were in there.”

 “It’s my room I can stay in the shower as long as I want. Now what I want is for you to leave.”

 I pointed a thumb toward the door. His response was to lean forward, elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands together in front of him. I noticed the worry lines across his forehead.

 “You make everything so hard.” 

 “The only thing hard about this is you still sitting here.”

 He stood abruptly crossing the room quickly with his long legs. He was in front of me before I could retreat away. 

 “No. What is hard is that you are so fucking hard headed. I came to talk to you, sort this whole thing out like rational adults.”

 “Look Henry. I apologize for outing you to Mia like I did. I know that was messed up...”

 “Stop. Where did you get this idea that I was interested in Mia?”

 I stepped backwards again trying to put more distance from being able to smell his cologne. He wouldn’t allow it as he stepped forward again.

“What are you talking about? Henry you literally asked me if she was single.”

He began to laugh, affronted,  I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“What is so funny?”

 “Aura darling, there has been a major misunderstanding. I am not interested in Mia, not now, not ever.”

 I somehow let a breath of relief that I didn’t know I was holding. Embarrassed, I didn't want to deal with this right now.

“Whaa... But... I can’t do this with you tonight. Get out.”

I shook my head and moving backwards. Henry looked at me, incredulous  then his eyes narrowed slightly and seemingly got darker. 

 “No I don’t think I will.”

 “It wasn’t a request Henry...”

 “Not a request... Do you want to know the true reason I asked that question about Mia?”

 He moved closer and this time I didn’t move. Something about his gaze kept me pinned in place. I didn’t say anything either which also wasn’t like me when I was pissed, as evidenced by my little club outburst earlier. I nodded my head, noticing that my throat was now dry.

Close enough to me now, Henry reaches up brushing some of the wayward hair away from my face pushing it back behind my ear. The action screamed gentle and soft, but his eyes said otherwise. 

“I prefer if you use your words when you address me.” He prompted. Intimated by the tone he spoke in coupled with his actions I looked at him and spoke.

 “Yes go ahead and tell me.” Fake bravado won out in the end.

 “I asked about Mia because Jay, who is one of cameramen for the movie really wants to get to know her. While Mia is certainly pretty, she is not who I am interested in.”

 “So you are interested in someone just not here. Oh my bad, hopefully I didn’t mess anything with whoever you actually like.” 

 I couldn’t tamper down on the attitude, trying to keep a wall up between us to help save face. I began to walk away, but Henry only let me get but so far, then he ended up catching me by the waist. His grip was sure, but not painful. 

 “I am interested in someone who is currently acting like a brat because she can’t take a hint. I tried the subtle thing with you Aura because I didn’t want to scare you off. You however are stubborn.”

 His right hand came up to my face, grasping my chin to make me stare him directly in the eyes. My hazel crossing with his blue and I couldn’t look away.

  “Let me be clear, the only one I have an interest in is you.”

 White noise rang out in my ears as I felt my breath hitch in my throat again. As the tension in the room was about to boil over.

“Me?”

 “Yes you Aura.” 

 Slowly I moved in and he moved in until our lips met, the kiss ignited a fire in me as I pressed myself flush against him and both of his hands drifted down the side of my body landing on my hips and making sure I could feel how he had hardened against my stomach. I slid my hands up his torso, linking around his neck. I was breathless by the time he pulled back, a smug look on his face, lips redder than normal from our kissing. 

 “I have been wanting to do that since I met you. It was not a disappointment.”

 “Is that all you have been wanting to do since you met me?”

 I questioned with a mischievous grin. I’m response he raised an eyebrow.

 “Oh no actually I have been thinking about just how good you are going to look after you’ve cum 5 times...”

 That was it. I felt a rush of wetness leave my body as I tried to clench my thighs together. Henry noticed and his gaze was intense as he didn’t break eye contact, which could be unnerving but it wasn’t as much as it should have been for me. I untied the black robe in the front and let it fall to the floor, well aware of my lack of bra and tight shorts that clung to me. 

 “You talk a good game, but can you back it up Cavill?”

 I turned and walked toward the bedroom. I didn’t even check to make sure he was following because I knew he would be. I walked in turning the dimmer on in the room so it was a soft glow, but not pitch black like hotel rooms could be. I guess my stop to mess with the dimmer was all the time Henry needed to catch up to me because he was in the door quicker than I had only taken 4 steps, grabbing my hips again, stopping my forward motion. 

 “It’s sir to you Aura and where do you think you are you going?” He questions.

 “Umm to the bed?”

 “Did I tell you to get in the bed yet?” He questioned his hands grazing under the edge of my shirt, drawing small circles with his fingers. His breath warm against my right ear. 

 “No but I’d imagine if we are going to do this, we need to be in the bed.”  I snarked to him. All that earned me was a sharp slap on my ass. I yelped in surprise as I heard Henry give a chuckle.

 “Ouch. That hurt.” 

 “ You’ve earned a lot more than that one, but if you’re a good girl for me. I’ll suspend your punishment.”

 I bit my bottom lip in anticipation.

 “What if want to be bad?”

He laughed again.

 “Trust me baby girl. You will want to be a good girl for me.” 

 With those words, I turned around to face him again, and instead of standing there so I could kiss him as planned he walked over to the bed. Sitting on the edge of it, he looked at me and beckoned me closer. I smirked.

 “You just want to be in control so bad don’t you.”

 “And you want to give it up so bad. I sensed it in you from the moment we met. So why don’t you let me Aura?” I find myself nodding.

 “Give me a safe word.”

 “Raggamuffin?”

 I say with a smirk. He returns it back then agrees. 

Henry reaches up, gasping my neck lightly again, then down into a kiss. His hands slid down until the reach the hem of my shirt, then breaking the kiss, pulling it over my head. Bare from the waist up, Henry makes my face feel warm, as my body is under his direct gaze. He strips my shorts and panties off in one smooth pull. He breathes in deeply, as I  try to anticipate what he will do next, my legs still trembling slightly as his hands run from the back of my knees to my ass. 

 “You smell absolutely delicious.”

 I began unbuttoning his shirt, wanting nothing more than to see it on the floor. He helped me get it off then began kissing my stomach, his lips drifting lower and lower around my bikini lines, but never where I wanted his lips to go.

 “Your legs are shaking darling. I think you should sit on the best seat in the house.” 

 He slaps my ass again, but this time not as hard. I moved backward, as Henry moves backward resting his head on the pillow, then beckoning me up there to him. I did as he asked, crawling up his body, feeling his jeans brush against my bare skin, then the thick, dark chest hair.The sensation dynamic played a role in the power imbalance, and I was loving it. I was headed for the button on his jeans, when he spoke.

 “The seat I want you on is up here.”

 I had to be dripping by now, he kisses me one more time and I pulled myself to hover above his full lips. His hands glide up my thighs, then  he kisses both of them stupidly close to my sex but doesn’t touch it. I could feel his breath against me and it frustrated me further, but his strength kept me held up. 

“Please Henry”

 I whispered. He squeezes my thighs just enough to sting and make me whimper. 

“ What did I tell you to call me?” 

 My fuzzy mind struggled to come up with the answer but I soon found it.

 “Sir please. Please touch me.”

 Finally his tongue sticks out and touches me. I lower slightly and he actually allowed me to move. I gripped the grey hotel headboard as best as I could. He started drawing what seemed to be random patterns. I wanted to grind down against his face and take my pleasure but he was having none of that. He stopped for a second.

 “Let’s play a game. Let’s see if you can guess the letters I am spelling out. You get them right, I’ll keep going. Get them wrong and I’ll stop.”

 I whimpered not wanting him to stop. He chuckled, the vibrations traveling directly into my core. Then he went back but this time it took every ounce of my collective concentration to even guess at the first letter.

 “Umm...shit.... it’s a H.”

 He didn’t respond but kept moving. When he swirled his tongue around my clit in an unrecognizable letter my mind went blank until he suddenly stopped. 

 “What is the letter baby?”

 “I..I  don’t know.”

 “ You ready for the game to be over already?” He asked me with a chuckle, which sent the vibration directly into my center. I bit my lips and then whispering quickly,

 “No please don’t stop.”

 He does the pattern again.

“W!”

 “Good girl”

 He moves on me getting the remaining letters of D, and C. His initials. He thought I wouldn’t notice but I did... somehow. He moved on with me guessing the spelling for Daddy and Sir correctly.

He finally took mercy and sucked the bud he had been torturing for the better part of 20 minutes. Crying and convulsing I came, head tossed backward. 

Sensitive, I tried to pull away, but actually wrapped his hands around the outside of my thighs, pulling me fully seated, forcing me to accept his tongue inside of my body until sensitivity became pleasure again.

 “Fuck Fuck Fuck!”

 He let go of one thigh to move his hand up where he rubbed my clit again combined with licking and sucking until I came again.

Coming down from the high, I gasped for my breath, finally being allowed to move off of his face, I dropped to the bed next to him, feeling my eyes begin to drop closed after a few moments but Henry was not with that. He climbs over me, pulling me into a kiss, waiting until I was engaged again before pulling off to get out of the bed. Just as I was about to ask him where he was going but he only took two steps back, sliding his jeans down, finally revealing himself to me. The pictures online of him in tailored trousers had done him no justice and that was saying something. 

 “See something you like?”

 “I’m waiting to find out if I like it or not.”

 I couldn’t turn the snark off if I wanted to. I think I was testing him on purpose. At the look he shot me I knew he was going to make me regret that.

 “Keep testing my patience and you won’t. Turn over.”

 I tried to comply but the second Henry thought I was too slow he moved me quicker, positioning me on my hands and knees. 

 “Do you remember what I told you at the beginning of this?” He asked caressing the soft flesh of my ass.

 “Umm...”

“About you being a good girl.”

 “You would suspend my punishment.” His fingers grazed the strip between my legs, lustful again already. 

 “Now do you think you’ve been good?” 

 I shook my head, my bold nature leaving just as quickly as it had come. Then I felt his large hand come down on my ass again. I yelped.

 “Henry!” He did it again.

 “You keep adding to your punishment and we haven’t even started it yet.”

 “What was that for?”

 “You keep breaking my rules.”

 “What rules?”

 I was confused slightly, he rubbed my ass.

 “You should be using your voice to answer my questions AND you address me as Sir.”

 “What if I don’t want to call you sir?”

 “You don’t have a choice. Either you do it or you safeword out and not to be a shitty person love but if you can’t handle calling me sir, you certainly can’t handle what else I have in mind. You may want to tap out now.”

 I turned around, looking over my shoulder.

 “You think I’m a quitter...sir.”

I raised my eyebrow as I looked at Henry whose arms were crossed over his chest. He looked at me for a moment, resolved he motioned with his finger for me to face the opposite wall again.

 “Alright little miss “I’m not a quitter”, just don’t forget your safeword. Now I’ll be nice tonight, you get 10 total. 5 for not coming to talk to me when you have a problem and 5 for being a brat. Count them. You mess up, I start over.”

 And with that he hand came down across one cheek, the force matched the others he had given me.

 “One.”

 *SLAP*

 “Two”

 *SMACK*

He moved to an opposite cheek for three and also increased the force a little, but this time he rubbed the spot, kneading the flesh of my cheeks.

 “Four, Five”

They were in quick succession and harder. I thought this would be a turn off but he was proving me wrong. 

 “Six!”

 I yelped, the sting leading to wetness gathering between my legs even more. 

 “Seven!” 

 Henry noticed when my arousal starts to run on my legs, and I thought I heard him groan before sliding his fingers through it. I can feel myself struggling to stay in the position he put me in. 

 “Eight!” I cry, the pain having gave way to pleasure somewhere around smack 6.

 “N...nine.” 

*Smack*

 “Ten!!!”

I say as he gives me the hardest spank of the night followed by an immediate plunging of a finger into my core. 

 “You are so wet baby. I think you might have enjoyed your punishment too much.”

 His fingers moved in and out of me for a moment, but pulling away, leaving me whimpering. Henry immediately moves me onto my back, and yanks me to the edge of the bed, pulling my legs apart like a pair of pliers, they fan to either side of his hips. 

 “You took your punishment so well. I think it time for a reward.”

 He rubs his hardened cock in my folds collecting some of the wetness that gathered there, then slid into me. Henry was surprisingly gentle in this, taking his time, letting me adjust. His own eyes closed. From the angle we were in with him still standing I couldn’t reach him to touch him. 

“Damn Aura. You are tight been waiting for me all this time have you.”

 “Mmm...yes” I moan out, distracted the pulsating of his cock inside of me. He was thick and long, I could feel myself flutter around him. He held still for a moment and I got impatient, moving myself against him slightly as a signal to move.Henry seemed to have gotten the hint, because he began to rock, moving himself in and out slowly. Torturing me with his deliberate strokes. I tightened my legs around his hips, trying to move into him. He took this as a challenge or at the very least motivation, tilting his chest down to mine, changing his angle just enough that he deepened, hitting a new spot that had not been reached before. 

Henry leans down, strong arms on either side of my face pressing his lips to my body, peppering small kisses across my chest and neck, my nails to his back. 

“Fuck, harder.”

 “Oh darling where are your manners?”

 He said teasingly,slowing down, drawing back until he was almost all the way out, leaving only the tip in then froze. I wiggled my hips, but Henry just moved one of his hands to my hips, stopping the movement. Frustrated, I groaned, looking down at where we were connected, but no movement. 

 “Please sir, please fuck me harder.”

 Not much warning before he slammed back in, taking my breath away when he did. A polar opposite to how this began, his strokes deep enough that I could feel them in my stomach. Me making whimpering sounds, my breasts moving with the force of him, and honestly it had moved me up the bed some from where I had been on the edge. I truly couldn’t tell if I was running from him or not, but it all for damn anyway because  It seemed the word sir activated the primal part of him, as he leaned back, sliding out, and having made just enough room for his knees to be on the bed, grabbed the back of my knees, folded me up like a pretzel and went back inside. 

I knew I had to be yelling, but I couldn’t tell you what I was saying, it was all hazy jibberish to me, all I could really feel was the pleasure rising inside of me, my walls clenching around him, building. He was giving me those deep strokes, you know the ones that made your eyes roll into the back of your head, your stomach tighten, and you feel the full weight of your partner body pressed against yours, his pelvic bone rubbing against your clit sinfully. I was damn close and I could feel it, Henry had been making noises of his own, manly grunts and hisses that added to my pleasure, knowing he was being satisfied by my body. 

At the feeling of my clenching, Henry, already close to my ear says

 “You hold it, you don’t get to cum until I tell you to.” 

 As one of his hands moves up the side of my body, until it latches onto my neck, tightening, adding just enough pressure that my orgasm doesn’t come, but instead keeps building and building as his hand tightens some more to the point of black spots invading my vision. I could tell he was close and I was about to cum regardless of any commands. 

 “Cum for me baby. Cum all over my hard cock.”

 He said, his words snapping and invisible tether inside of me that caused a shout and a physical body shaking as I came all over us my wetness covering his thighs. My orgasm lasting longer than it ever had, especially as Henry let’s go of my neck and his thrusts become faltered, his hips stutter and freeze as I feel him coat my insides with his seed. 

 “Aura!”

 Both of us breathe heavy as he stays inside of me for a moment, the with a groan, he slowly rolls out of me. Then after a beat of silence he gets up from the bed, my body too exhausted to move much. Henry comes back in a few moments with a small washcloth and  bottles of water. To which he hands me the water but not the towel, instead using it to wipe my center clean of his essence, tossing it aside and then demolished his water bottle. 

 “Thank You for taking care of me...sir.”

 I said attempting not to stumble of calling him sir when he wasn’t blowing my back out. Then  somehow I found the energy to move, moving from my position from laying sideways to lay the correct direction on the bed and get under the covers, sliding over once under to make room for Henry. He follows suit, getting into bed next to me, and in a surprising move pulls me into his arms. 

I hadn’t pegged him for an after-sex cuddl-er especially after the type of sex we just had where he seemed to be all hard edges and tough words. I half expected him to redress and leave, so when he didn’t I kept my surprise quiet and relaxed at his side, tossing a leg over his and my arm over his abs, head on chest, with his arm drawing random swirl patterns on my skin. Yawning, as my adrenaline came down, I snuggled into his warmth, content to lay with him for however long he would lay here. We didn’t talk, we didn’t need to, my breathing begins to even out as I fall asleep 

 “You know Aura, I could take care of you forever if you let me...”

 Henry says trailing off, I was too close to sleep to respond, letting his words send me into the land of satisfied and content sleep....

A/N:

Alright y'all tell me what you think! I had loads of fun writing this, maybe i’ll do some Headcannons....

[love-little-lotte]

My Ranking of Outlander Season 5 Episodes

Wow. This has been such a great season! It really felt fresh and well-made. It’s like we’re thrown back to earlier seasons, and I love it so much. The writing is a whole lot better; the direction is creative and new – but never to a point that it got dreary and boring; there is a significant amount of change that I really liked. Overall, a brilliant and amazing season. 

I’ve done something like this from the previous season (click here, if you’re interested), and now I guess I’m doing it again! It’s a lot harder, though, because I really liked most of the Season 5 episodes. I even wish it was longer! Twelve episodes seemed so short. I wish we could back to earlier episodes when we have more than fifteen episodes for one season.

So, to start off my Droughtlander (ugh, I cry thinking about Season 6 – it seems so far away), this is my ranking of Outlander Season 5 episodes! Before I begin, let me just say that this is my opinion, so please be polite. No need to tell me that you prefer this over that because obviously, this is my ranking. Also, just so you know, I haven’t read The Fiery Cross. I’ve only read Outlander, Dragonfly in Amber, and the first few chapter of Voyager. So, I may make mistakes about what happened in the books and such, since I only watch the TV show. 

#12: Episode 3 - Free Will

Technically not a bad episode, but this is the one that I least liked out of all. It was a bit draggy, but definitely not boring. Nothing is boring when Jamie and Claire faces danger together! 

So, in this episode, Josiah revealed that he has a twin named Keziah. They both escaped from the Beardsleys, who apparently abused the both of them. But without their right papers, the twins were not really free. So, of course, Jamie and Claire just had to save the day and take it upon themselves to go to the Beardsleys and pay for their indenture. Also, Jamie left Roger in charge while he’s gone. It’s funny to see Roger try to lead the men. It’s not his fault by all means – after all, this was not his time and he has zero knowledge how to lead these soldiers. 

At the Beardsleys, Jamie and Claire found out that Mr. Beardsley was incredibly injured and at the brink of death, while Mrs. Beardsley was pregnant and admitted that she’s slowly torturing her husband because he used to physically abuse her. Claire helped Mrs. Beardsley give birth, only to find out that the baby was dark-skinned, which meant it wasn’t Mr. Beardsley’s child. The next morning, the missus was out of the house (wow, that recovery!), leaving her newborn baby in Jamie and Claire’s care. Jamie then faced a tough decision to euthanize Mr. Beardsley, who wanted his pain to end. Something tells me that this is going to be an important thing in the future...

#11: Episode 5 - Perpetual Adoration 

Also not a bad episode, to be honest. In this episode, we get another flashback of Claire’s time in the 60s. This time, she’s seen treating a patient by the name of Graham Menzies. Sounds familiar? I’ve read that it’s a nod to Graham McTavish and Tobias Menzies – two of my favorite actors from the earlier seasons. Loved that reference to them; I also miss seeing them in this show! (But maybe Tobias as Frank because I could not, for the life of me, handle another Black Jack Randall shenanigan, even just in a flashback.) Well, this particular patient was actually Claire’s reason to finally go back to Scotland with Bree. It got a bit philosophical in the flashbacks, too! Also, Claire was able to make penicillin out of 18th century materials. Is there anything that this woman couldn’t do?

Jamie, on the other hand, was catching up with Lieutenant Knox, where the lieutenant told him that he’s going to pardon the Regulators, except Murtagh. This left Jamie no choice but to kill Knox – also because he has a list of Ardsmuir prisoners and as you all know, Jamie’s one of them. Pretty sad about Knox, though. He really trusted Jamie and he seemed like an okay guy. But he had to die! 

Bree and Roger also had some problems in this episode. Roger finally found out about what happened with Stephen Bonnet and Bree before they tried to blew up the jail cell the previous season. Roger obviously (but not understandably hmpf) got mad but eventually changed his mind when Claire reassured him that it’s going to be all right. I’m not a big fan of Roger (let’s just get that out of the way), and his reaction in this particular episode. For the sake of drama, I guess.

Also, a new pet is in town! Adso finally made his first appearance at the end of this episode. He’s such a cute wee thing.

#10: Episode 2 - Between Two Fires

One of my favorite things in Outlander is when Claire flaunts her medical knowledge to the 18th century people. I love seeing their expressions, especially when they try to mentally calculate if this woman is a genius or a witch. Sadly, in this episode, there’s one patient Claire couldn’t save because it was too late. This seemed to unravel something in her. It’s devastating to lose a patient, especially when he/she could still be saved. But, even though she’s an expert healer, some people wouldn’t listen to her because she’s not an actual physician. So, Claire decided to make up “Dr. Rawlings.”

Also, I love that Claire picked Marsali as an apprentice! I really loved her character even from Season 3, and I was hoping to get more scenes with her in Season 4. But it was only in this season that her character shined brightly. Marsali was weirded out at first, obviously, but with Claire’s guidance, she’s good to go.

All away from Fraser’s Ridge, Jamie and Lieutenant Knox are fighting off Regulators. While confronting three prisoners, Knox lost his temper and accidentally killed one. At nightfall, Jamie helped the other two to escape. I love Jamie whenever he’s trying to be a hero and all, but sometimes, it just worries too much that he’s always stepping it up. Well, he’s the King of Men, I guess.

The ending of this episode was horrifying and intense because we see Stephen Bonnet, fully alive and plotting evil. I hate him so much, but Ed Speelers is an amazing actor. 

#09: Episode 9 - Monsters and Heroes

Despite having this episode in the bottom part of the list, I just want to say that Sam Heughan was amazing in this episode. His acting was top-notch, and I find myself, once again, questioning the awards committee why they haven’t given him an award. Yes, give me more scenes of him writhing in pain!

This episode was highly intense, but it felt almost too draggy. Jamie and company were out hunting when they decided to split up. Jamie and Roger went together, and Jamie was bitten by a venomous snake. Roger tried to look for the others but to no avail. So they decided to camp for the night, in which Jamie told Roger that if he does not survive, it must be him who’s going to kill Stephen Bonnet for him.

Which absolutely no makes sense! Not the killing of Bonnet, but Jamie not surviving. He survived tons of other crap in his life, and I cannot believe he’s dying from a freaking snake. It just does not makes sense. Can you just imagine if he really died? Like a small snake ended Jamie Fraser’s life? It’s just heartbreaking.

The next day, Roger tried dragging Jamie with him while looking for the others. They were eventually found, and they brought him to Claire so she can fix him up. But not even Claire could even save him. The only thing she needs is her syringe, which was destroyed by friggin Lionel Brown (which, let me tell you, is the worst character to ever come out in this season). When Jamie found out his bite was way serious than he ever imagined, he told Claire to kill him instead of amputating his venom-filled leg, which broke Claire. Also, Caitriona Balfe’s acting during her conversation with Bree by the stairs was top-notch! 

Jamie almost gave up that night, but with some intense body touching, Claire was able to bring him back to life. It was a touching moment, for sure. Get it? Anyway, it was Young Ian who told him to get a grip of himself – it’s just a leg. His father lost a leg and Fergus lost a hand, but they’re still happy and alive.  Which I just want to applause to. 

And when all hope seemed lost, it was our little engineer Bree who saved the day! She was able to form a syringe of her own using the tooth of the snake which bit Jamie. Through this, Claire was able to save Jamie’s leg. Yay!

#08: Episode 10 - Mercy Shall Follow Me

I know I’ve said I haven’t read The Fiery Cross yet, but I have read in tons of posts that the killing of Stephen Bonnet was not part of the aforementioned book; he actually met his demise in the next book. But whatever the reasons why they sped up the process, I want to thank the producers and writers for putting it here in this season. The Bonnet storyline was kind of losing touch and was getting draggy. I’d rather have them focus on new things in the next season. 

Jamie, Roger, and Young Ian were putting their plot in motion to kill Bonnet through ambushing him when Bonnet himself failed to show up in the said ambush. That’s because he’s at the beach, following Claire and Bree as they were enjoying the ocean breeze. He eventually knocked Claire unconscious and kidnapped Bree.

Bree woke up to find herself in a dingy and shady place, but she was not kept as a prisoner – or so Bonnet tried to tell her. He told her he wanted to change and they even had this strange role play where they eat dinner and Bree told him the story of Moby Dick. We actually get to know Bonnet’s past in this episode. We learn that he’s deathly afraid of water, for one thing. 

It seemed to go all right for Bree until Bonnet told her to kiss him, and when she did, he got the sense that she was faking and lo and behold, he was right. This angered him and even started having sex with a prostitute in front of Bree, which was downright disgusting. Anyway, Ed Speelers is a terrific actor!

Jamie and Claire finally find out where Bonnet’s hiding Bree through that prostitute to whom Bonnet was having sex with. Bonnet, fed up with Bree’s ridiculous antics, decided to sell her to a man. But before anything could happen, Jamie, Claire, Roger, and Young Ian were able to save her. Bree was given the choice to end Bonnet’s life, but she decided to give him a fair trial by the government. Bonnet was sentenced to death by drowning, but before he could even die, Bree shot him through the head in a distance. Roger asked her if this was what she wanted or if was to make sure he’s really dead, but Bree was silent, which leaves us to decide what that meant. 

I’ve said this before: I wasn’t a fan of Sophie Skelton’s acting, but she definitely improved in this season! She was able to show some emotions and depth in her character. She was unable to convince me before, but she truly made an impact in this season. 

#07: Episode 4 - The Company We Keep 

Were you ready to see Jamie Fraser dancing in this episode? Because I sure as hell was not! It was such a delight to see him trotting about while he and Claire smile at each other. 

But before we got to that scene, we had to watch Roger painfully lead the men to Brownsville (which is totally an insane and ridiculous name for a village – I know this was in the 18th century, but I hope there were poop jokes about them). Not a minute they stepped foot in this place, everything’s gone to chaos. It turns out Isaiah Morton, one of the men, had some problems with one of the guys in Brownsville. Isaiah apparently “disgraced” Lionel Brown’s daughter, Alicia, by sleeping with her, and now she cannot marry this rich guy her father arranged for her. 

Jamie and Claire eventually caught up with them, and were able to free Isaiah by letting him escape and to never show his face there again. Claire finally found a new home for Mrs. Beardsley’s newborn baby in Brownsville, Jamie finally got the Brownsville men to join him in his militia to fight the Regulators, and everyone finally had a good time and partied all night long. 

One of my favorite moments in the season was in this episode wherein Jamie told Claire that she looked happy while taking care of the newborn baby. He told her that she looked great as a mother, and it saddened me that he never got to see her as one. Jamie told her if she’s sure to give the baby away because maybe it’s their last chance to raise a baby together. Claire was like, “No,” but she appreciated the thought of it. They’re too old to have a baby again, and she already liked their life together. Even so, that was such a sweet moment for the both of them!

Isaiah decided to return to whisk Alicia away, and then she revealed she’s pregnant with his child. While this all seemed great for them, Jamie and Roger were not happy with Isaiah’s return because it might stir up some trouble. But Isaiah was able to convince them that he truly loved Alicia and wouldn’t they do the same thing for their wives. And that’s how it’s done!

#06: Episode 8 - Famous Last Words

A very unique and creative episode. I think I haven’t seen an episode quite like this before, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. I like what the concept of showing the events like a silent film in comparison to what Roger’s facing. 

Richard Rankin was amazing in this episode. I think he really delivered well in showing Roger’s trauma and stress after his horrific ordeal. Roger is actually so beaten up in Outlander; it’s really devastating. Last season, he was taken by the Mohawks, and now this. And to think, he wasn’t a warrior or anything – he’s only an Oxford man. 

Three months after the Battle of Alamance, Roger was still quiet and could not utter a word. Bree was worried about him, and confided to Claire about her roommate’s boyfriend who was shell-shocked after the Vietnam War. Meanwhile, Roger kept reliving his deathly experience in silence. Usually, I’m not a big fan of Roger (as I said earlier) but I feel bad for what his character has gone through. 

Also, Young Ian finally came back in this episode! As someone who haven’t read the books, this took me by surprise. I didn’t know he’s returning, but I am so happy that he is! I really love his character. He’s not the same Young Ian as we’ve seen before, though. He was much more mature and fiercer. There are secrets he’s keeping from his family, which we’ll probably find out more in the next season. 

It was actually Young Ian who made Roger speak up again (quite just like the way how he was the one who set Jamie straight when he was bitten by the snake). Ian was asked to help Roger check out some land, and the two of them bonded. Ian told him how lucky he was to have his wife and child with him, even though he was thoroughly beaten from the battle. Roger was alive with a family, and to Ian, that seemed to be everything. Roger, in return, also saved Ian from killing himself. I’d like to see more of this duo in the future, please.

#05: Episode 6 - Better To Marry Than Burn 

As soon as the trailer for Season 5 dropped, I’ve heard the words “stable sex” more than once in forums. I didn’t know what it was about – only that involves Jamie and Claire having sex in a stable (obviously). So you could imagine my enthusiasm when I finally see a stable in this episode!

Before that, though, there is a party because Jocasta getting married to some guy who’s not Murtagh. Which is a total loss because I shipped them so hard! We also got to see some flashbacks with Jocasta losing her daughter because of her husband’s cause in the fight against the English long ago. 

While mingling with some of the guests, Claire was approached by this ridiculous-looking man called Phillip Wylie, who’s beyond annoying. He flirted with her shamelessly, and she rejected his actions but was immediately interested when she realized he might be the key to capture Stephen Bonnet. But everything got out of hand when he suddenly tried to kiss her. Thankfully, Jamie arrived on time and was able to save her from this man.

But when Claire told him that he might be the answer to the Bonnet problem, Jamie decided to make a gamble with Wylie. Unfortunately, this involved Claire giving up Frank’s ring, which made her unbelievably mad. Later on, when Claire went back to the stables, Jamie drunkenly walked in. Claire’s still angry with him about the rings, but the anger doubled when she found out he was drunk. Jamie told her that he won the bet, and that they should celebrate. There were some fights, then Claire slapped him, and then they kissed and ta-da: stable sex! 

Unfortunately, I had high hopes with what the stable sex was going to be and that was not it. I was expecting steamier scenes, but okay, I’ll take this one. It was hilarious, still. 

Oh, I almost forgot. Back at Fraser’s Ridge, Bree and Roger fight some some sort of locusts evading the place, just like the ten plagues. But they were able to stop this through some smart science and shit. I couldn’t care less about their plot in this episode; all exciting things happen in River Run at the moment! 

But the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened in this episode was Jocasta and Murtagh. The night before the wedding, Murtagh sneaked in Jocasta’s room and begged her not to marry Innes. This broke Jocasta, but still, she couldn’t just run away with Murtagh. She chose a man with a cause before, and she lost her daughter. This woman couldn’t take any heartbreaks anymore, and Murtagh left, heartbroken. And as you know, that would be their last conversation...

#04: Episode 12 - Never My Love 

I thought we can go past one season without anyone getting raped, but here we are. I know this was included in the books, but there were so many changes from book to screen in this season – why couldn’t they changed this one? It was too heartbreaking and sad. I don’t know if it’s unnecessary, but I did read one article that said they could’ve just not included that part.

Anyway, this episode was absolutely harrowing and downright terrifying. This show does not shy away from brutal scenes like this, for sure. I am devastated for Claire because she obviously does not deserve that treatment! In her own words, she survived a World War and losing a child. She will not let this one destroy her. But, of course, Claire’s only human and she’s gone through deep trauma in this episode. It’s only fair for her to feel this way. 

Lionel Brown (honestly, I hate this guy more than anyone in this season and that includes Stephen Bonnet) kidnapped Claire out of her own home with the help of some other guys, beat her senseless, and even raped her. This really “shookt” me out of my core. It didn’t ruin me like that season finale in Season 1 (which still haunts me to this day) but I am still horrified. 

Also, this episode was really creative in showing Claire’s ordeal. It had dream sequences of Claire in 1960s with Jamie and their family celebrating Thanksgiving, with the exception of Bree, Roger, and Jemmy. It included a lot of Easter eggs, such as the vase from the pilot episode and the rabbit from Jamie’s dream in the Battle of Culloden (if I’m not mistaken...?) The production design was also very intricate. The attention to details is brilliant!

Jamie and his men were finally able to save Claire, but she felt ruined. They killed every men in the group, but it seemed like Lionel survived. They took him as a prisoner and brought him to Fraser’s Ridge. Claire was still mending her scars, but she found herself in her clinic with Lionel and Marsali. Yes, she took an oath to do no harm to other people, but do you really expect her to save him from his wounds after what he’s done to her? Hell no! It was too much for her to bear and so she left, crying. It was actually Marsali who ended Lionel’s life with her own hand. Ugh, I love Marsali this season! She was beyond amazing and I love how her character has grown. 

This was surely an intense episode, and I love the additional twists of the dream sequence. Caitriona Balfe blew me away in this episode; just give her the Golden Globe and Emmy, please. The final shot of Jamie and Claire is beautiful. One of the best season finales of the show. 

#03: Episode 1 - The Fiery Cross

Season 5 really started strong with this first episode. We had a wedding, dancing, sex, singing, burning crosses, kilts, babies! I love it so much!

Finally, Bree’s getting married to Roger, and her parents are here to see it! It’s a wonderful moment for everyone. I am in love with Bree’s dress and the pearls she’s wearing (which her mother wore in her honeymoon sex with her father, let me just add). The wedding was sweet and lighthearted. 

But, of course, this is Outlander and we’re not here to have a good time – there’s always something we’re fighting off. In the very first episode, Lord John Grey confided in Jamie that Stephen Bonnet might be alive, which Bree overheard. This was her wedding night, people, give her a rest! Of course, she was visibly shaken, but she kept the information to herself. Also, Tryon was pressuring Jamie to join forces with him and fight for The Crown. 

In addition, there were a love-making montage while the L-O-V-E song was being played in the background. Out of place, for sure, but sweet nonetheless. Murtagh and Jocasta managed to sneak in the woods and have some time for themselves. Jamie and Claire were in charge with Jemmy for the night, but that didn’t stop them from getting some action themselves. And, of course, the married couple Bree and Roger finally had a proper honeymoon. 

Remember when Tryon was pressuring Jamie to gather some men to fight for The Crown? Well, Jamie faced an impossible decision because obviously he does not want to hunt down his godfather Murtagh. But he can’t also betray Tryon because he doesn’t want to lose his land. And so, he finally gave in and lit the fiery cross, calling the men to fight with him. He included Roger, and even gave him the title of “Captain.” Weird flex, but okay. 

This was entirely a good start for a good season. I even watched it twice when it first came out because I was so excited!

#02: Episode 11 - Journeycake 

One of the best Outlander episodes, and this one totally made me cry. I hate goodbyes, but Outlander does it best. This episode was also written by the original author herself, Diana Gabaldon. My expectations were high, of course, and she definitely did not disappoint! 

Now that Stephen Bonnet is gone and that they have confirmed that Jemmy can travel through the stones, there’s no reason for Bree and Roger to stay any longer. Bree has already delivered the cryptic message to her parents that they will die in the fire. So, she and Roger decided to leave, especially that there’s a Revolutionary War coming on. 

Also, Young Ian finally knows about the truth about Claire, Bree, and Roger – they are time travelers from the future. About time, actually! He deserved to know the truth long time ago. But something’s weird: Ian actually wanted to go through the stones himself, too. I have no idea why, but it’s probably going to be about his time with the Mohawks (which I’m totally looking forward to know about in the next season). 

Also, there’s a hot sex scene with Claire and Jamie in this episode, which totally makes up for that awkward, rushed stable sex from the other episode. It involved Jamie going down on Claire while she’s sitting by the window pane. It’s daring and steamy! Trust Diana Gabaldon to perfect that scene. 

Before Bree and Roger leave, they said their goodbyes to everyone first. Marsali even admitted that she sees Bree as a sister, which breaks my heart, because they totally deserve more screen time together! Lizzie also tearfully said her goodbye to her mistress Bree, and it’s quite heartbreaking because all this time, she thought she’s coming along with them as well. Poor Lizzie. 

Claire also made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as her last meal for Bree and Roger. I don’t know how she was able to make peanut butter and jelly with 18th century resources, but I do know that it was painstakingly hard so kudos to Claire for her dedication in making the perfect PB&J sandwich! Jamie’s reaction was totally hilarious, too!

When Bree and Roger finally left (but for some reason, they couldn’t go through the stones – more explanation maybe in the next season), Claire and Jamie were finally left alone in Fraser’s Ridge. While Claire and Marsali were tending on a patient, Jamie and some of his men checked out some commotion. However, this was only a ploy for Lionel Brown and his men to kidnap Claire straight from her home. It’s terrifying, and I didn’t like what happened next.

#01: Episode 7 - The Ballad of Roger Mac

The major highlight of the season! I was ready to get hurt in this episode, but damn, nothing prepared me for what was about to happen. 

The whole episode reminded me of the Prestonpans episode from Season 2. Jamie was fighting with his men in the Battle of Alamance, while Claire was tending the patients. Ah, but before that, let’s celebrate Jamie Fraser’s fiftieth birthday! I don’t know how this guy is 50, but he is. He and Claire *cough* did some celebrating of their own before shit went down in the fight.

While all the others were preparing for the fight, Bree was staying with Aunt Jocasta when she finally realized that the fight was going to take place in Alamance Creek. This made her remember an importance piece of history. The militia will win, and the Regulators will lose. Of course, she took it upon herself to warn her parents. Thankfully, Bree has inherited her mother’s memory cells. 

Roger eventually volunteered to be the one to tell Murtagh and his men that they were doomed to fail, and Jamie let him. This was going on pretty smoothly, and Roger was able to tell Murtagh what he came for. Unfortunately, he ran into someone he knew (that woman he met in the ship from Season 4) and they were caught in a harmless innocent hug by the woman’s husband. The husband was none other than William Mackenzie, played by Graham McTavish! While it’s good to see him in the series again, I am pissed because they beat up Roger. 

Meanwhile, Jamie was forced to wear a redcoat uniform, which was just downright offensive. Jamie’s entire life was dedicated to fighting off redcoats, and now he’s one of them. It truly broke my heart to see him like that. You just know he’s struggling and trying to keep his senses. 

In the battle, Jamie was fighting with some Regulator when Murtagh himself showed up and saved him. There were some smiles; however, it was cut short when Murtagh was shot by one of Jamie’s militia men. Jamie tried to save him, and even dragged Murtagh back to Claire so she could save him, but it was all too late. And I am broken. I was crying when I was watching this episode, and it just broke me. Murtagh was one of my favorite characters, and I was so happy they brought him back last season. But now... I’m just broken. When the fight was over, Jamie took off the redcoat and just smashed it down in front of Tryon. This man was just fed up!

But while this was going on, Bree was worrying about Roger, as he still haven’t showed up after going to the Regulators. So, she, Claire, and Jamie tried looking for him. They finally came upon a tree with three men hanging on a tree with sacks over their heads; they were left to die. Jamie recognized Roger to be one of them because of the white handkerchief on his pocket that he had given to him earlier. 

This was really a good episode, and hats off to Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe’s acting. They were superb. Oh, as well as Duncan Lacroix, who I really admired as Murtagh! It’s so sad to see him leave the show!

***

Well, there you have it! My ranking of Season 5 episodes. I hope you had as much fun as I did with Outlander this season. It was incredibly fun, and a huge improvement from previous season. Tell me what you think!

[h-o-l-l-i]

I Run To You

Frank Castle x OFC! Jane Runner x Billy Russo

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: angst, language

Author’s Note: Requests are closed! Let me know what you think of this series! Let me know if you would like to be added to any of my tags!

Everything: @negans-lucille-tblr​ // @coffee-obsessed-writer​

Frank Castle: @hudsonbird​

The Punisher: @baseballbitch116​ // @suchatinyinfinity​

Series: @me-robot-x // @its-my-little-dumpster-fire​ // @imaginecrushes​ // @jooheoniesdimples​ 

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 (FINAL)***

“Hey, baby.” Billy’s warm, raspy voice called out after he heard the elevator door open into the living room. The sound of his bare feet padded on the marble floor towards you. “How did talking to Curtis go?” He smiled and rubbed her arm sweetly.

She faked a smile and melted into his affection, “Good.” She lied, “He thinks that Frank and I still have some unfinished business and that’s why I think I see him—” Jane cleared her throat, feeling the anguish ripping at her again. She turned to him, “He thinks that it’s a good idea for us to go away this weekend still.” She lifted onto her tip toes and pressed a soft kiss onto his lips, “I think so, too.”

“I’m so proud of you, Jane.” He said, running his fingers in her hair, “But, what do you think it is that’s between you and Frank?”

Jane peeled away from him and removed her jacket from her slender shoulders. “I never told you this but, I was in love with him.” She admitted, “And the day that we came back from our last tour he—” she paused, Billy’s eyebrows knitted together, “You remember how he left the base in a hurry?”

Billy nodded and leaned against the large white island in the kitchen, “Yeah, he wouldn’t even look at me—” he stopped himself briefly, “Jane, you told me Frank didn’t—”

“And he didn’t, Billy.” She interrupted his insinuation. “He left in a hurry because he kissed me—I don’t know why or—or what it meant but,” she paused and looked into Billy’s eyes. “It didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now.” Her voice trailed off into a whisper, she hugged Billy’s shirtless form, “I’m sorry I never told you…”

His hand came up to caress her body tightly pressed onto his, “We all loved Frank…it’s okay, Jane—I love you.” He whispered and kissed the top of her head.

“I love you too, babe.” She said into his chest.

“Come on, let’s get you all packed up; our car will be here in an hour and maybe we can—” he smiled devilishly and wiggled his eyebrows to her.

___

“You have truly outdone yourself, Russo.” Jane said swirling her wine inside of her glass. “Curtis was right, this weekend was just what I needed, I’m so sad it’s over already—have to go back to normal tomorrow.” She complained, popping out her bottom lip sarcastically.

“That’s mostly true.” Billy said making Jane cock her head to the side slightly. “Jane,” he said standing from his chair, “All of my life I have never known what true love felt like…until I met you.” He paused and lowered to one knee in from of her. “You saved my life two and a half years ago, a couple of days after that you gave me a chance; and for the past nine hundred and ten days you have done more than save my life, you have taught me what loving someone means.”

“Oh my God! Billy!” Jane gasped, tears seeping from the corners of her eyes as she looked at her boyfriend on one knee in front of her, his shaky hands opening up the small turquoise box.

“Jane Runner, would you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Russo?” He said with a wide smile and looked deeply to her with love filled eyes.

Her head nodded rapidly, “Yes! Oh my God, yes!” She smiled and held out her left hand.

Billy slipped on the massive ring onto her thin finger and stood with her, “I love you!” He smiled and kissed her lovingly. “We’re going to get married! Oh my God!” He laughed happily.

“I know! I love you so much!” She hummed in happiness, “Mrs. Jane Russo does have a nice ring to it!” She said in awe of her new engagement ring that was delicately shining on her ring finger.

___

It now had been two weeks since her and Billy came home from their weekend getaway; they found great joy in revealing their engagement.

Jane sipped on the glass of wine that she held in her left hand, reclining on the couch, binge watching her guilty pleasure tv show, The Bachelor. Her phone vibrated viciously on the couch cushion next to her, her hand flipped it over and her thumb slid effortlessly across the screen before she placed it to her cheek, “Hey baby, I thought you said you’d be working all night and—” 

Her voice was cut off by a man’s low, urgent tone that wasn’t her fiancés “Jane, it’s me—”

Tears instantly dripped from her eyes knowing whose voice it was, “No—” she shook her head, causing a tear to spill over her eyelashes. “You’re—it’s not you, you’re—Frank is dead!” Jane closed her eyes and tried to make the man’s voice sound like someone other than Frank Castle.

“Jane, it’s me—Meet me under the bridge—you know which one; 25 mins.” The phone went silent. 

Jane’s knees wobbled as she got up from the couch, the residual sound of a dead line ringing in her ears, mixing with the punisher’s voice. Her brain swirled around the call as she sobbed, making her knees buckle. She brought her hands up to stabilize herself and then the anger doubled through her body as she threw her phone, shattering it on the wall right next to a picture of her, Curtis, Billy and Frank on their last mission together.

She stared with tear-filled eyes down at the shattered shards that lay along the floor of the apartment. The back of her hand stifled her sobbing as she brought it to her face, “I—I have to know.” She whispered, grabbing her coat and keys, her large diamond on her left hand glistening in the light of the large apartment and she got into the elevator.

___

Frank hid in a dark shadowed area near the bridge, his hood up as his eyes remained low as he surveyed the scene for her. “Where are you, Runner? Come on. I know you’re comin’ just where are you?” He whispered internally to himself.

“F-Frank?” Her shaky voice cut through the silence, her hot breath erupting a small cloud into the night air. Her jaw tightened with anticipation and her chest felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest.

“You came?” He questioned deeply and turned around slowly, this hood still shielding his face.

“You knew I would.” She responded to him with tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. He scoffed and nodded his head at her. “I need to see your face—” she said gritting her teeth in a poor attempt in containing her emotions. “Damn it, I need to know!” She raised her voice a little.

The man raised his hands slowly in a silent effort to calm her. He slowly tucked his hands into the hood and threw it back to expose his identity, confirming that it was indeed the deadman, Frank Castle. “Jane—”

“You son-of-a-bitch!” She cried the tears falling continuously, her fists balled and she jabbed at his body.

His hands never left his sides. He took every punch, knowing that he deserved it; for all of the pain that he had caused her over the past years.

“How could you! Fucking asshole!” She continued, her blows becoming sloppy and her knees becoming weaker and weaker with every hit. “I fucking loved you—how could you? How could you do that to me?”

His hands grabbed her wrists as he shushed her, “Jane.” His heart hit down into his stomach at her last words she cried to him. His arms wrapped around her body that was now leaning on his broad chest as she cried. He sank down onto his knees and held her while she cried. “I’m so sorry.” He began, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry for what I did to you—an’ I’m the biggest fuckin’ asshole in the world for doin’ that to you—I won’t ever forgive myself for what I’ve done.”

After Jane had cried herself nearly dry and Frank held her and she calmed down, he helped her back to her feet. “I thought you were dead, asshole!” She gritted her teeth and glared up at him through her running mascara.

“I know.” He regressed and stared at his feet. “I’m not askin’ for your forgiveness Jane, I just wanna talk.”

Jane scoffed heavily, “You—you just wanna talk after I blamed myself every fucking day for what happened to your family and for what happened to you?!” She pointed, tears welling once more in her eyes. “Yeah, Frank—let’s fucking talk!”

Frank began, “I should have never done—wait, why would you blame yourself for—”

“How could I not, Frank. I loved you and I couldn’t have you—when we came home and you kissed me I, I,” she paused at a loss for words, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it—when they died I thought it was because of me.” She admitted, “You weren’t able to protect them because of me.” She clarified.

“So you know that I didn’t kill my family?” He gazed up at her through his thick eyelashes.

“Come on Frank, you loved Maria and the kids—” Jane reciprocated the look as she picked at her jacket hem. “Then when they said you were dead; I should have been there for you when that happened, a better friend or—”

“None of what happened was your fault, Jane. None of it, you hear me?” He said stepping close to her and touching her arm, “What happened was because of me; that’s why I didn’t tell you I was alive, I was doing that to protect you.”

She pulled her arm away from his touch and stared back at him with painful eyes. Frank nodded and took a step back and respected her boundaries, his brown eyes catching the light glistening off of her left ring finger. He motioned to it, “So, uh you and Billy are getting married?” His tone tinged with pain, “Congrats.” He said turning and resting his arms on the railing by the water.

She sniffled and took the same position beside him, finally controlling the emotions she was feeling. “Yeah, we’re happy together— he was there.” Her words hitting him hard inside his chest. There was a profound moment of silence between the both of you as you adjusted to the new reality that he never died…the tension still evident but subsiding after the initial confirmation of his identity.

After a half an hour Frank sucked in a deep breath, “I’ve been keeping an eye on you just to make sure you’re safe.” He tilted his head to the side and looked towards her as she stared at the skyscrapers of the city. 

Jane says, “I know. I saw you and then you disappeared again, I thought I was losing my fucking mind, Castle.”

“I’m sorry, Jane, for everything…really.” He paused, “An’ you owe me nothing, especially after what I’ve done,”  Frank then said, “But, I need your help.” He looked at her with his back eye, “Look; what I’m doing, it’s stupid and dangerous—sometimes I need patched up—”

She said without any hesitation, “Whenever.” She looked him deeply in the eyes, “You need me and I’m there; whatever it is, I’m in.” Her eyes connected with his, his eyebrows raised at the firm agreement that she just made. “I’m still fucking pissed off at you; so don’t think that I’m not, Frank.” She warned, making him half smile back at her. “I’m just glad to know that I wasn’t going crazy.” Her voice trailed as she pulled him into her body and hugged him tightly.

“Billy doesn’t know that I’m alive…and he can’t know, Jane.” she could feel the vibrations of his chest as he spoke. She released his body from her embrace and looked back at him with uncertainty. 

Jane nodded slowly, “Okay,” she paused, suppressing the emotions that came along with the agreement to help a deadman; the punisher and lie to her fiancé about it all. “I fucking knew your sorry ass was alive.” she sniffled and laughed.

Frank cracked a smile on his bruised, stone-like face; his hot breath emitting small clouds into the cold New York night, “Yeah, no chick-flick moments; I remember… what I love about you, Jane.” His smile fades after he heard himself say the word ‘love’ for the first time in a long time, “I’ll stay in touch, Runner.” He said, his hand remaining on her elbow for an extra second.

___

Jane walked out of the elevator into the living room, kicking her shoes off and setting her keys down on the table. She began to untie her jacket but jumped at the sound of Billy’s voice, “Where were you?” He questioned her as he flicked on a light.

She slumped her shoulders to allow her black wool jacket to slip from her body before she tossed it on the couch. “Out on a run.” she answered him quickly walking into the kitchen to grab a water bottle to try and ‘sell’ your lie…

“Really?” He said skeptically, crossing his arms and leaning on the edge of the countertop. “You’ve never went out on a run in a jacket before, Jane.” He lowered his jaw to her, silently asking for the truth.

“I saw Frank.” She admitted.

“Come here,” he whispered and closed his eyes, guiding her to his body as he hugged her tightly. He remained silent for a minute as Jane reciprocated the embrace and melted into him. He kissed the top of her head and then rested his chin on the top of her head, “He’s gone, Jane.”

[bux-blurbs]

Dystopian fictions depict a negative view of "the way the world is supposedly going in order to provide urgent propaganda for a change in direction”. Susan Collin's Hunger Games, Veronica Roth's Divergent series and James Dashner's Maze Runner series are popular dystopian science-fictions which consist of a few similar concepts and they really are amazing novels to dig into. I much prefer to read books before watching the film adaptation so that I can imagine and creatively picture the characters and events. Dystopian worlds have existed in all sorts of forms - whether we look at Narnia under the White Witch or George Orwell's Animal Farm or Frank Herbert's Dune - but these science fiction dystopians are a new twist on the genre. A few glaring similarities between HG & Divergent: One guy character who is so incredibly perfect you wonder where they make these men. (Peeta, Four) Check. One main female character who emerges as a leader and grieves for the losses she has suffered as a result of War. (Katniss, Tris) Check. The main guy is subjected to some treatment which makes him think that his female love interest is his enemy. (Peeta is implanted with fake memories, Four is injected with simulation serum) Check. The people are divided into different sections and each section's population acts in a particular way or engages in a specific profession. (Districts, Factions) Check. We can find young protagonists who are pitted against each other in winner-take-all battles to the death which reflect to what adolescence have turned into. If you spend your early teens being told that your future depends on how well you do on your exams and on effectively simulating the appearance of a socially, politically, and artistically engaged super-being.... well, you have no problem identifying with youngish heroes who must emit a constant stream of miraculous exploits or be crushed. HUNGER GAMES The Capitol is the cruel Government of the twelve districts of Panem which holds a tournament every year called the Hunger Games. Each of the country's 12 districts must offer one girl and one boy between the ages of 12 and 18 to fight to the death on live TV. Katniss Everdeen, a 16-year-old girl from District 12, volunteers to take her younger sister Primrose's spot in the tournament. From her district, she's joined by Peeta Mellark. In the second book, Catching Fire, the Capitol are furious at Katniss for starting a second rebellion, so they create a special version of the Hunger Games for all the previous victors, which means that she and Peeta must return. During these games, they create a team of victors, who manage to destroy the arena and escape to District Thirteen, which most people thought did not exist. However, the Capitol capture Peeta, and they destroy District Twelve. The last book, Mockingjay tells the story of Katniss leading the revolution. They rescue Peeta, but he has been tortured and now he hates and fears Katniss. A team of rebels including Peeta and Katniss then go on a mission to assassinate President Snow in the Capitol, but Katniss' sister Primrose is killed by a bomb. Katniss later discovers that the president of the rebels made this bomb, so she kills her own president in place of Snow. She then returns to her home, District Twelve, to try to recover with Peeta. At the end of the book we see them married with two children. DIVERGENT When I first read Divergent, I was so awed that it got me hooked straightaway and I finished it in less than 24 hours. The story revolves around a young girl name Beatrice, aged sixteen, who lives in a divided society where people are split into five factions according to their personal qualities. The factions are Dauntless (the brave), Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Amity (the peaceful) and Erudite (the intelligent), and each individual must choose a faction at the age of 16. 'Abnegation fulfills the need for selfless leaders in government; Candor provides trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite supplies intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity gives understanding counselors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides protection from threats both within and without.' Her aptitude test result is Divergent which apparently means that she possess multiple personality traits. She eventually choose Dauntless during the Choosing Ceremony and strive to be a member of that faction, otherwise she'll turn out to be a factionless, in complete isolation and in abject poverty which sounds like a fate worse than death. Once, she entered into the Dauntless faction, she changed her name to Tris. Divergent reflects the contemporary division of our society and also all those who find it difficult to fit in, can also relate. I wonder what would have been my aptitude test and which faction I would ultimately choose and came to the conclusion that Candor and Amity suit me best. 'We Will Rock You' style: Clap, clap, stomp. Clap, clap, stomp. Clap, clap, stomp. Clap, clap, stomp. We are, we are DAUNTLESS We are, we are DAUNTLESS Beatrice, Now called Tris, Made a big change Playing on the trains, She became a Dauntless one day She's got mud on her face A parental disgrace Now she'll be kickin your ass all over the place Singin' We are, we are DIVERGENT We are, we are DIVERGENT Tobias is a Dauntless, Divergent Shoutin' to them all, We can take on the world today Erudite got blood on their face We'll put them in their place Into the past, out of our Fear Landscapes Singin' We are, we are INSURGENT We are, we are INSURGENT The simulation training is really fascinating. 'The simulation stimulate the amygdale which is responsible for processing fear, induce a hallucination based on fear, and then transmit the data to a computer to be processed and observed.'  'Learning how to think in the midst of fear is a lesson that everyone needs to learn.' 'It's basically a struggle between your thalamus, which is producing fear, and your frontal lobe, which makes decisions. But the simulation is all in your head, so even though you feel like someone is doing it to you, it's just you, doing it to yourself.'  The less number of fears you've got and the less time you take to confront your fear, the most successful you are. This also left me wondering about the numerous fears I'll face if ever I'd taken part in such simulation. The last book, Allegiant, revealed blatant truths about the world Tris was living in which boost up my excitement but that did not last longer. The fun and laughter is over. I remember finding myself staring blankly in disbelief as it was an ending I absolutely didn't see coming and to be honest, I find the main character's sacrifice comes off as utterly meaningless. As it turns out, the world has apparently been so full of assholes that the government decided to eliminate the genes in citizens that caused dishonestly, selfishness, cowardice, stupidity, and aggression. Unfortunately, this backfired and just created more assholes that were more asshole-y than before, that is genetic damaged people. Hence, the government constructs gigantic city-sized behavioural experiments all across the country and get volunteers who had their genes screwed with to have their memories wiped and stick them into a city and force them to choose a faction. Eventually these people will reproduce enough times until they finally manage to have "genetically pure" (a.k.a. Divergent) babies that are free from messed up genes. The story shifted from the old unresolved conflict between the factionless and the factions to a whole new conflict between the genetically pure and the genetically damaged people. Much time and energy are spent fighting for something that isn't really a problem for the most probable reason: they have been taught that it is a problem. MAZE RUNNER The story starts off with a boy named Thomas who find himself in a strange place called the Glade where there are other guys known as Gladers. Outside the glade is a maze which has to be solved for the Gladers to be out. There is one threat stopping them from figuring out the maze, one threat stopping them from going out at night and from going too far into the maze, horrific animals that go by the names of grievers which are giant bug-like creatures. Many of them lost their lives fighting grievers and finding their way back, but eventually the rest of them made it till the end only to discover that they are all suffering from the most horrible disease known to mankind called The Flare. In the second book, The Scorch Trials, some of the boys discover another group of girls who also underwent the same experiment. Solving the maze was supposed to be the end but instead of freedom the Gladers find themselves faced with another trial. Burned by sun flares and baked by a new, brutal climate, much of the earth is a wasteland. They met Cranks who are people covered in festering wounds and driven to murderous insanity by the Flare, roam the crumbling cities hunting for their next victim... and meal. They must cross the Scorch, the most burned-out section of the world, and arrive at a safe haven in two weeks. In the last book, The Death Cure, we learn more about the Flare. The Flare virus was engineered by the founder of World In Catastrophe Kill-zone Experiment Department (WICKED) in an attempt to control the human population because there was so many people dying, the founder says that the virus was supposed to wear off after a while but the virus got out of control and now only the immunes can stop it before the virus kills all of the human species. Nothing mentions on how the immunes were suddenly 'immune' to the virus, and the number of them is massive, it is like as if it is an experiment to see who is strong enough to withstand the heat, this basically indicates that if they can survive the Flare virus, they can survive the heat, but that got out of control so they are now killing and experimenting on the immunes. In the end, everyone goes through the Flat Trans, and on the other side is a paradise. Like a legit paradise with green everywhere and an ocean and everything. So, eventually the Gladers really made it and are free. But that's not really the end. We get another epilogue with a memorandum from Chancellor Paige. In her memorandum, she says that the paradise for Thomas and the 200 or so Immunes was WICKED's Plan B. Once their Plan A had been ruined, they decided the only way to save the human race was to get a bunch of immune people to start civilization all over again; to do this, she made Brenda and Jorge help Thomas make it to paradise. In the end, WICKED does end up saving the human race, despite the awful crimes they've committed against humanity.

[plussizeappreciationfics]

One shot: You promised! Pt. 2

Pairing: Plus sized reader x Tom Hiddleston

Warning(s): crying, language

A/N: This is the second part of the headcanon I’ve been wanting to write for a very long time, I hope y’all will like it:). And shoutout to all the single mothers!

Requests are still closed until Tuesday

Word count: 2296

~~~

Six years later

  A chuckle escaped your lips as your five year old son made a funny face while watching his favorite cartoons on the TV. “They got Patrick mommy” he frowned and pointed at the screen before bursting out in lough giggles when Patrick ran and fell. Your heart melted at the sound of his giggles as you laughed along while pulling your son closer to your body.

 It had been five years since Tom had walked out on you when you announced your pregnancy. You had spent days crying and staring out of the window in hope that he would have returned, apologize for walking out on you and promise you to raise your child with him, but he never did.

 In fact, you received a letter from his lawyer who told you to not do anything to put his career in jeopardy. Your shattered heart only broke more as you realized that Tom didn’t love you anymore. You couldn’t understand how he could hurt you like this and have the audacity to silence you for something he was part of.

 You burned that letter and sent him one long message, saying that you hated him and that you would make sure that your child would never ask for him. You also informed him that you didn’t want any child support, only stating that he should never try to get in contact with you ever again.

 After you had sent the message, your healing progress began. Although it was very hard, you blocked all the memories related to Tom, moved to another city and began to focus on your unborn child.

 When the doctor told you that you were having a baby boy, your heart melted in your chest. When you heard the first heartbeat, tears brimmed your eyes as you couldn’t wait to finally hold him in your arms and love him unconditionally.

 You captured every moment of your pregnancy and were so surprised to see some of Tom’s friends appear at your baby shower. Everybody admired you for the strength to reveal the gender all alone and host the party.

 Tom’s friends sent him pictures of you and your belly when you weren’t paying attention and scolded at him through messages, telling him that he was an asshole for putting you through so much bullshit. But they also said that you were a changed person, stronger than ever and so courageous.

 Not long after the gender reveal/baby shower, you gave birth to your beautiful son. Your parents and best friend were there for support and held your hand while you pushed after being in labor for forty eight hours.

 Giving birth was the most painful and beautiful thing you had ever experienced. When you heard your son’s cries for the first time, thick tears streamed down your face as you couldn’t believe that you had put him all alone in this world.

 When you were finally able to hold him in your arms, you were completely awestruck and hit with a wave of a new, deeper wave of love. Your son slowly opened his eyes and stared at your face while you promised to always protect him from any harm and try to be the best mother to him.

 The media went crazy when they had discovered that the Tom Hiddleston had become a father but had abandoned you and your son. Paparazzis swarmed up in front of the hospital, eager to get the first picture of you and Tom Hiddleston’s baby.

 You weren’t surprised when you got no message or phone call of your baby daddy, the pain he had once caused was gone and the only thing that mattered to you was raising your son to be everything your ex boyfriend was not.

 You left the hospital a few days after giving birth and made sure to cover your son’s face, not wanting to give the world a glance at your precious baby boy to judge him. Being a mother was hard, very hard. The first few weeks were chaotic as you had to get used to take care of a human being 24/7/ But with the help of your parents and supporting friends, you made it.

 You loved being a mother, even though the media tried to tare you down and make it seem like being a single mother was not classy, you were strong enough to not let all those mean and nasty comments get to you.

 You loved every second you spent with your son and realized that it was your duty to teach him everything. You captured everything, his first words, his first steps, potty training and so much more. It swelled your heart with pride and love to be able to raise your son.

 Months passed and Tom got the karma he deserved, he got dragged for abandoning you and your son. He arranged and extra interview where the reporter was able to ask him any question related to you and your son.

 You didn’t watch it, but read the comments on twitter, not feeling bad when people called him irresponsible and a bad role model. Nonetheless, you were happy and living your life with your precious boy.

 When your son was three, he began asking questions like “Where is dadda?”, he was very curious and wondered constantly why he only had a mama. Although it hurt you so much seeing him cry, you confessed and told him the truth that “Daddy never loved you and mama and ran away”. You knew that it wasn’t the best thing to do but you did it either way.

 You showed your son a few pictures of Tom although you didn’t want to but your child had a right to know how his father looked like. Years passed and your son became more and more curious to why everybody had a daddy and he didn’t.

 You didn’t try to distract him by spoiling him rotten but just came clear and repeated that Tom didn’t want anything to do with the two of you. You wrapped him in your arms and held him tight while reassuring him that you and your whole family loved him to pieces. You made your son realize that it was okay to not have both parent figures in his life, and he quickly got used to him.

 In fact for him, you were his mommy and daddy. You played catch with him, and went with him to “Daddy day” at school. When other kids try to tease him for not having his father in his life, your son clapped back and told him that he didn’t need his father because you were his hero.

 He drew you the sweetest cards on mother and father’s day and you were so proud of him and yourself.

  “Mommy I’m tired” your son spoke, pulling you out of your thoughts. You cleared your throat and nodded your head “Let’s go take a nap then” you smiled once he yawned and nodded his head. Your son got off the couch and took your hand in his small one before the two of you walked up the stairs to his room.

 You quickly tucked him in and pressed a sweet kiss on top of his head “I love you baby” you whispered while watching your son drift off to sleep with a little smile on his face. You tiptoed out of his room and closed the door behind you, “A nap sounds good to me too” you chuckled and made your way to your room when the doorbell rang.

 “Ugh” you groaned before making your way down the stairs to the front door. You opened it and gasped once your eyes landed on a nervous looking Tom. “What in the hell are you doing here” you hissed as you felt a sudden anger bubble in your stomach. “I-It’s been so long [Y/N], your baby daddy spoke while his eyes scanned you from head to toe. He wanted to wrap his arms around you but didn’t do it, knowing that you would probably slap him across the face if he would even dare to touch you.

 “Can I please come in?” Tom begged to which you scoffed before taking a few deep breaths, so many thoughts running through your mind. “To do what?” you asked calmly while staring blankly at him. Your ex boyfriend cleared his throat “To talk about us and our child” he exclaimed.

 If this situation had happened five years ago, you would have slammed the door right in his face, but you weren’t the same person five years ago. So, you stepped aside and let Tom enter your house while you clenched your jaw.

 Tom thanked you softly and walked to the living room, his heart melting once he saw your son’s fire truck toys and Lego toys scattered over the floor. He turned around, facing you before taking a deep breath “Let me start by apologizing for walking out when you-“ you cut him off by lifting your hand in the air and shaking your head.

 The room was silent as you closed your eyes for a few seconds before reopening them and looking straight into Tom’s eyes. “I don’t want to hear an apology Tom. You left me and my son without a glance back or any other concern. You never messaged afterwards, only let your stupid lawyer try to intimidate me. I already got my closure with you Tom, so let’s skip the fake apology part and tell me what the hell you want” you spoke and folded your arms.

 Tom’s heart broke at your words “[Y/N], I-I changed and I still love you. I’m here because I want you and help you raise our child” his words made you sigh deeply. “I don’t love you anymore Tom” you confessed with no emotions in your voice or facial expression. That made him realize that walking out on you really changed you.

 “The only connection we have is because of our son, nothing more” you finished. Tom swallowed hard as your words hit him hard in the chest. “C-Can I see my son?” his voice cracked at the end as tears brimmed his eyes.

 You let out another sigh “Not now and not today Tom”.  “Why?” he asked confused as his heart clenched painfully in his chest. You huffed “Because I’m not going to send him down an emotional rollercoaster” the anger began to rise inside you again “And for you to come here and just ask to see him is so disrespectful! I fucking raised my son all by myself! You never cared about me or him the second you left our once shared house so why do you care now?” you raised your voice a little bit.

 “No…You’re not getting those emotions out of me” you mumbled to yourself and shook your tensed shoulders. Tom was not allowed to see you emotional after what he had done. “I miss you and I want to see my son” was all he mumbled and took a step towards you, to which you took a step back.

 “No” you shook your head “You don’t get to pull that card. Not on me and not on my son. I kept my promise to not let my son feel like something is missing. I’m his mother and father. I reassure him every day that he’s loved and doesn’t need a father who doesn’t care about him”.

 Tom gasped “Y-You told him?” his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, making him feel more miserable than ever. “Of course I told him” you glared at him “I didn’t want to make up stupid lies to why you’re not present in his life but always on TV and in movies. I’m not a liar, the truth hurts but I am not going to hurt my son the way you hurt me”, slowly you felt the weight being lifted off your shoulders.

 It was silent for a few seconds as Tom didn’t know what to say, he sighed and ran his hands through his hair as he looked at you with tears brimming his eyes. “Words can’t express how sorry I am [Y/N]. “It’s too late to apologize Tom. I moved on with my life as did you the moment you left me and my son. I’m living a happy life as a single mother and I don’t want you in my life” you softly spoke while walking over to the front door.

 “Sooner or later you’ll see your son, but you shouldn’t put too much hope in him accepting you as his father” you looked at your baby daddy who swallowed hard, wishing that he could turn back time and undo the biggest mistake he ever made.

 You opened the front door “I don’t trust you. I don’t love you, the only thing that unfortunately keeps you in my life forever is our son Tom. Now leave” you said to him and opened the front door. You didn’t feel any sympathy or other emotions as Tom let the tears stream down his face.

 With slumped shoulders, he slowly walked towards the open front door. He stopped right next to you and stared heartbroken into your eyes “I’m so sorry [Y/N]” his voice cracked at the end. You sighed and looked at him, “It’s weird…I was desperate to hear those words when you walked out on me. Now…they mean absolutely nothing to me”.

 And with that, you patiently waited for Tom to step out of your house before you closed the door. “Mommy!” the voice of your son came from upstairs, a smile crept onto your face “I’m coming baby!” you called out before making your way to your son.

Tag list: @buckybarnesappreciationsociety l @pleasantdreamqueen l @disneymarina l @koizorahana l l @harleycativy l @itik-angsa l @sparklemichele l @melaninmarvel l @amethyst09 l @the-force-of-imagines l @bossyboyd03 l @sapphiretouch l @pebblesz892 l @stars8melanin l @brittyevans l @toc1985 l @janeyboo l @badassbaker l @greyfourrose25 l @lafayettes-baguettes-1 l @winters-beauty l @cannonindeez l @purplemuse

[ongly]

Versus.

Couple edition of “Drop the Mic”.

Okay so, enough with the talk of my inactive ass... this is something I had had in mind for a long time, I just didn’t know if I should post it because I was not sure it was appropriate for everyone, since it’s full of attitude. Here is a couple edition of James Corden’s show “Drop the Mic”, where you, a recently discovered actress, and Shawn, your boyfriend, throw shady (inside) jokes at each other. This is an adapted version of the old shows, which means, it’s a version without Baldpit, of course, because old is always gold. I really, really hope you like it and find this funny, somehow, because I was effing scared of posting this but, please, enjoy to the fullest and I hope you have fun!! Xxx

You look down at yourself, taking deep breaths, both trembling hands adjusting the belt on your black jeans. You felt too many hands on you which only got you more nervous. There seemed to be too many people to just adjust your hair, your bodysuit, which, in your understanding, showed too much cleavage, and re-touching your make up. You felt a cold touch under your chin, forcing you to move your head up. You faced your makeup artist as she brushed your cheeks a little more, down to your neck and then your chest.

“He won’t even keep his head in the game with these.” She smiled as you felt the brush tickling your skin down on your breasts. You let out a nervous chuckle and nodded. You could hear the noise growing outside of your dressing room, only causing your mind to spin.

It was the first time you were having such a big appearance, especially that public in what came to your present relationship. You had been recently discovered in the acting world, and finally taken to the spotlight of Cinema and Television. You were starring in a huge, brand new, TV show with one of the best writers and directors. Although you had done a few jobs before, which were the ones that got you to meet your current boyfriend, they weren’t so big and some of them weren’t even aired on those known channels, so no one actually acknowledged your hard work, until now. Not only you had a healthy and firm relationship with one of the biggest music sensations at the moment, you also were starting to work on a movie as well. It was like it was all starting just then.

Your thoughts were forcefully pushed back once you heard a knock on the door. You turned your head quickly to the side, your eyes locked on the door as it opened. A guy from the staff opened the door, pushing it away as a pair of long legs stepped inside your dressing room

“Five minutes.” You heard the staff guy warning. You were sure he mentioned something else but you quickly disconnected from everyone except Shawn, who walked towards you.

Everyone started pacing around. You heard your hair dresser informing you that you were ready, but your eyes were still locked in his. He stood before you, giving you a warm smile. You sensed your cheeks heating up once you felt his touch on your waist as he wrapped one arm around it, pulling you closer to him.

“You’re cheating.” He started, looking down at your body. You frowned, both of your arms travelling up his biceps, slowly moving further up as you wrapped them around his neck. You were confused. “It’s not a fair win, when you are wearing this.” He said, looking down at your cleavage.

You let out a chuckle, looking away. You knew it was too much but you couldn’t deny the fact that you loved to see jealousy plastered on his face, as he took in your appearance. You looked back at him, only to catch him looking again. You didn’t feel too comfortable, since it was not usual of you to wear those kinds of things, but when they suggested it, you agreed instantly, wanting to take that teasing game to the extreme, already knowing it drove him crazy whenever you wore a bigger cleavage, than you normally would.

You moved your hand from the back of his neck to his cheek, stroking it gently.

“Already assuming you’re going to lose?” You nodded playfully, disapproving his statement.

Shawn’s eyes clenched and you let out a giggle, moving away from him. He bit his lip letting his eyes travel down your body again as he watched you fixing your hair.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve got some pretty good lines.” He warned you, his eyes going back up to meet yours. You smiled cheekily at him.

“I hope they’re not based on this little talk, because you’ll make a fool out of yourself.” You stated, harshly playing along with him, earning a chuckle.

Before he could answer, the door opened revealing the staff crew, calling out for the both of you. It was time. You both started walking to the door, Shawn following behind. Once you were out of the dressing room you were both taken to different directions. You gave him one last look as he put on his boxing robe. You took yours in your hand, getting a wink from him as he put the hood on.

“I love you.” He mouthed you and you smiled.

"I don’t.” You mouthed back, smiling, and he rolled his eyes.

You put your robe around your shoulders, getting some help from the staff as they tried to make it quicker. You smiled at him and blew him a kiss before the crew turned you around to get you on the entrance, before they could call your name. You were taking deep breaths as you looked down, trying to keep calm.

“Alright, alright!” You heard the crowd cheer as Reggie started to present the show. “Hold on to your pants because it’s time for a couple way of ‘Drop the Mic’!” The crowd cheered louder clapping their hands along.

You had been a fan of James Corden for a long time although you’ve never been on his show before. You happened to be with Shawn when James called him, proposing to him to do something like this and as the conversation flew between the two of them, James got really excited with the news of you getting on the big screens and without any hesitation he came up with the idea of having a couple edition of “Drop the Mic”. You were used to roast each other, playfully, at home, so you obviously agreed without even thinking twice.

Shawn’s name interrupted your thoughts, followed by a cheering crowd. People were going insane, at least that’s what it sounded like. You heard Shawn’s voice as he greeted Reggie and when you realize it, your legs are moving towards the stage, blinding lights hitting you when you feel a little push from the staff, after they handed you the mic you were going to use. You walked with your shoulders back and your chin up, raising a brow a little, enthusiastically dressing up as this fierce persona while raising your hands a little, letting them brush against the many that were hanging out as you passed through the screaming crowd.

You forced your trembling knees up as you took a few steps to the small stage. You looked up, facing Shawn. He gave you a little wink and the crowd cheered louder. You looked at Reggie, who was already laughing as he passed by Shawn to leave, once James got up the little stage, standing in the middle of the both of you. Your eyes were locked in Shawn’s as you both stood in front of each other, letting your boxing robes slide down your arms and slip down both of yours and his body, falling on the ground. James let out a loud laugh at the fake tension you and Shawn were pretending to have.

“Guys..” James started, reaching out for the both of you as you and Shawn took steps closer towards each other.

James kept laughing as he held both of his hands out, one on your shoulder, pushing you back and the other on Shawn’s chest, pulling him away from you.

Shawn was trying not to smile as he faced you, ignoring James’ hand on him, carrying on walking towards you. You kept your gaze locked on Shawn’s and once he was closer to you, you blatantly moved your gaze down his body and then back up, raising him a brow teasingly.

“Watch your neck, baby girl.” Shawn warned, taking the mic to his lips clearly pointing out the fact he was taller than you. Your chest was almost touching his, forcing you to look further up, head slightly thrown back.

You nodded at his statement and started walking back. You winked at him and he couldn’t hold it any longer. He smiled at you, shaking his shoulders a little as he stepped back, getting in his place.

“Guys please..” James started again, trying to hold back his laughter, the crowd kept cheering. “We agreed this would be soft.” He said, his expression changing into a more serious one as he looked at you and then at Shawn.

You nodded agreeing, throwing your hands up in defense. Shawn smiled, moving his head around, like he was snapping his neck, playfully warming up. James looked at the camera, you had tried to ignore whenever it was too close to you, and took a deep breath, acting out his concern.

“I really don’t want to witness a break up, here.” He said, the crowd screaming by that moment. You nodded and looked at James. He smiled at you, holding his hands up, trying to keep the crowd quiet before he could speak again. “You guys are amazing.” He said, nodding.

He took a few steps back, taking the mic up, close to his lips, again. He pointed out at you, raising his brows.

“Are you ready?” He asked you. You gave him a smile.

“I’m not the one you’re supposed to be asking that.” You fired back. James parted his lips as the crowd cheered once more. James looked back at Shawn who clenched his eyes at you. “I think it’s pretty clear who dresses the trousers at home.” You smiled. He let out a chuckle and James laughed, walking closer to him.

James placed one hand over Shawn’s shoulder and got closer to him. Shawn didn’t move. He kept his eyes on you, trying to hide his smile.

 “Mate, I’m sorry I suggested this, do you want me to put it down?” James jokingly whispered at Shawn. Shawn nodded and shook his shoulders off again.

“No, I mean... if that’s all she got…” Shawn teased, pointing out at you and giving you a look of disgust. The crowd was clapping harder again.

James laughed at the looks you both were giving each other. He stepped back and introduced you two properly, before letting you start. James left the stage, getting on the side of it and you didn’t move, letting Shawn be the one taking a few steps closer.

“Ladies first.” You spoke into your mic. Shawn let out a chuckle and nodded, looking around at the crowd. He looked back at you, taking his mic to his lips and raising you a brow.

“Is that all you got?”

“Haven’t you started yet?” You fired back, raising him a brow as if you were mirroring him. He smiled, nodding, looking at the ground.

“Give me a beat.” His voice echoed. The crowd stopped screaming so hard that time.

You looked at him, crossing your arms as you watched him sway to the beat. His head moved along with the beat, before he got into it. He looked back up at you, taking a few steps closer. Your heart was beating faster as you watched him naturally throwing his shade at you.

“Welcome to this world baby, I swear I had nothing to do with the way they got you here. I mean, you’re my girlfriend, but I didn’t know your characters name until now, and it’s almost the end of the year.”

You smiled and looked down as he came closer to you. The crowd loved it but you could still hear James laughter hovering all the screams.

Shawn got his hand to his chest as he made a few gestures to emphasize his words. You looked back up at him, a sly smile as he got even closer to you.

“I didn’t mean to be this rude, But it’s pretty clear to see.”

You looked down at where his finger was pointing only to find it centimeters away from your cleavage. You let out a chuckle.

“You got known for that beautiful front, I mean, at least that’s what got me. Because besides all those awesome outcuts, Who the fuck watches AMC?”

Your lips parted in surprise as he stepped back. The crowd went crazy, clapping and cheering for him. You took a deep breath. You knew it was just a show but you loved teasing him to his extremes and you knew he took it too far on purpose, so you were not sorry for what you were about to say.

You nodded and looked down at your feet as you moved closer to him, taking your mic to your lips.

“Alright..” You nodded, before facing him again.

He had the biggest smile on as he watched your cheeks redden. You were more than ready to have some fun. Your heart was pounding and it felt like you were about to blow up from excitement. You cleared your throat and got your shoulders back, tilting your head to the side a little before starting to answer him. Shawn smiled, his eyes traveling down your body as he took in your posture, finding it extremely sexy that you took this to heart, although deep down, he knew it was merely a joke. You asked for a different beat and it took you seconds to fall into it and starting.

“Oh, there it is the ‘no one knows you’ line!”

You turned around facing the crowd that was already cheering for you. You turned back to Shawn, pointing out at his figure.

“Pretty clever of you, the boy from that video compilation of ‘r.i.p vine.’”

He laughed and looked down but you moved further closer to him, patting your lashes as you played innocent to him.

“You started off easy, but we get it, you got big! Now your shirt doesn’t even fit you, because you’re getting fucking ripped. And although it might look hot, it still didn’t get you to fuck that girl from that video clip.”

You were on fire and you were hitting his nerve by the way his cheeks were reddening. You took his silence as a chance to add another verse. James was cheering, his mouth wide open in surprise. You gave Shawn a hard frown, taking another step closer to him before carrying on.

“Speaking of girls, I’m surprised you settled with me. Since the beginning of the year, you’ve been looking like that swift-ie. Or maybe it was me! You stumbled and I let you fall on my track, because before me, there was clearly nothing holding you back.”

The last sentence came out almost in a whisper. He looked at you, smiling, although you knew you were pissing him off. You dropped your eye slowly, winking at him before stepping away from him.

You could hear James going crazy in the back. Everyone was cheering for you now. You kept smiling sweetly at Shawn and he nodded in disapproval.

“Low blow.” He warned you, this time not speaking through his microphone, directly saying that to you. You blew him a kiss as an answer and he took a step closer to you as you stood back on your place.

You rose your arms, gesturing him to get closer as you shot him a challenging glare. He let out a chuckle and then got his chin up, looking around. He lifted his arm pointing at you.

“Alright, I want the same beat. Let’s do the same one.. can we do it?” he suggested. The crowd cheered and you bit your tongue as you watched him getting closer, bouncing his head to the same beat you rapped before.

He cleared his throat against the mic and looked up at you, raising his brows like he felt sorry for you, acting it out as he started again.

“You’re right, I did stumble. But it actually was on your IMDb page. It was rather blank and uninteresting at the time, Like that  guy’s...”

He looked up, his hand on his chin as he acted like he was thinking.

“..wait what’s his name.. oh, Nicolas Cage.”

He looked back at you and you held back your laughter. You nodded and he walked around you, pointing at you. You could say that, if it was in another situation, the way he was pointing at you and annoyingly hitting you with his index finger in the shoulder whenever he rapped another verse, was absolutely disrespectful, except it was kind of hot.

“You keep using my lines against me, we get it, you’re an actress. Your job is to memorize other’s creativity because you never seem to know what to say. But stop playing innocent, When we both know that, ironically, I’m not the one who asks for mercy at the end of the day.”

He did not take it there. You couldn’t believe your ears. You were not expecting him to take it that far.

Your mouth was wide open now as he stepped back, raising his arms in his defense. You tilted your head to the side. You both looked like little kids. James was in the back, raising his arms, laughing but still trying to put a hand on that show.

You, somehow, found it funny the way he was taking this personally. Although you were both public for a few months now, you never really took it out there. You kept your privacy, the way it was supposed to be, made a few jokes here and there but it was mostly Shawn who got things clear whenever your relationship was a topic at an interview. You were starting to find this kind of funny. It was good to see him so comfortable around you, even though this was going on television.

You looked down, asked for a different beat. You shook your arms a little bit, like you were easing the tension and then took the mic to your lips. You looked up at Shawn who had the mic ready to speak as well, getting closer to you and smiling, his free hand up, like he was about to stop you.

“You don’t have to do this.” He warned you.

You let out a chuckle through the mic and frowned.

“Are you scared?” You asked him, taking a step closer to him.

His free and went to your shoulder as he pat it slowly. You shrugged and took your hand to slap it away. The crowd cheered, letting out multiples ‘ohh’s’ as you looked up at him, walking towards him but consequently making him step back.

“Is that even a question?” He asked, his frown hardening.

“You got yourself in the way babe.” You warned him, stopping on your tracks. You looked around to the crowd who was clapping, your gaze stopping in the place where James was, laughing. You winked at him and his brows rose, worried with what you were about to say. You knew your lines and this was the perfect time to put it out there. “Give me a beat, please.” You asked and took a step back.

“So polite.” Shawn mocked you and you rolled your eyes, getting in your place.

The beat started and you bounced your head a little, still looking around, trying to find the right time to get in. You cleared your throat and looked back at your opponent, who was smiling as he watched you move teasingly closer to him.

“I take back what I said about your lines, Looks like you’re struggling to keep this on. Come on baby, show us the good writer that you are, And drop that image of the unknown boy from MAGCON.”

You pat your lashes as you got closer to him, playing innocent. Shawn was already chewing his cheek, arms crossed as he looked down at you. You were almost chest to chest with him and you could hear James trying to tell you something, which you were obviously ignoring. Shawn looked down at you, trying to hide his smile and play strong when your free hand was travelling up his torso, finger pointing at him in different spots of his torso as you kept going.

“You want to take this personal? Fine! Just know I, myself, wouldn’t want this for you. You keep throwing shade like actors don’t know how to work their tongue, When you know exactly what this mouth can do.”

You fired back and you swore the crowd went crazier once you finished that line while pulling the hem of his shirt a little up, stepping back after finishing it. Shawn looked at you with his lips parted in surprise. You could tell he was growing impatient as he nodded. His cheeks were flushed as you looked up and down his body with a cheesy smirk.

Before he could answer, you notice James running to the stage, standing in the middle of you two, now turning to Shawn who was, now, threateningly walking towards you. James dramatically held him in his place.

“Guys, we’re taking this too personal.” James acted it out.

You extended your arms, challenging Shawn to bring more but he was speechless. You started to smile and then let out a laugh at how he was trying to hold his.

“She can’t do this.” Shawn tried to threaten you playfully, his arm extending as he tried to reach for you but James kept holding him back.

“You started it mate.” James looked up at Shawn, trying to hold him back as he laughed at his reaction.

You looked around the crowd as Shawn kept trying to get closer to you. He looked down, getting his chest out and his shoulders back, teasing you to see if you took the challenge. You nodded, turning to the crowd who wouldn’t stop cheering.

“I think we have a winner, I mean…” You turned to Shawn, trying to talk through the screaming crowd. He smiled at you, walking closer to you now, James playfully warning you. “You’re running low, babe.” You kept teasing him.

Shawn nodded, extending one arm and reaching out for you. Once he held your waist, he pulled you closer from behind, your back hitting his hard chest as he embraced you, playfully tickling you as you giggled along with him. Shawn hid his face in the crook of your neck, teasingly nibbling your neck as James announced the evident winner.

if this ain’t the best show

[romancevsreality-blog]

bachelor in paradise, season five, episode one: do not trust anyone with a permanent smile on their face

I can’t believe we’re back here again.

By “back here”, I mean literally sitting in my bed, drinking an enormous iced coffee, and wondering where we all went wrong in life. And by “back here”, I mean Fuck Island: The Battle For Social Humiliation. Hi, I’m Amanda, the lead blogger and the laziest person on the face of the earth, back again, two weeks late, recapping the fifth season of Bachelor in Paradise, the actual worst show on television.

Up until last year, I firmly fell into the opposite camp - I thought Bachelor in Paradise deserved a god damn Peabody Award for The Audacity Of Being On Television. But after the Corinne and Demario crash-and-burn-and-pay-them-to-keep-quiet1 of 2017, the show kind of left a gross taste in my mouth. And following the Defense Against Criticism of Racist and Sexist Behavior, or the most recent season of The Bachelorette, I’m losing hope in humanity. It wasn’t fun to talk about anymore, it just made me angry.

I still hate these people, but now I want to slam my keyboard again and remind them what the fuck is up. So welcome back to Fuck Island, Y'all!

The episode opens with reminding us of Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? as well as the new Paradise SuperCouple, Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them? They’re determined to make us forget Marcus and Lacy, too, because their marriage was a sham and apparently Lacy straight up ghosted Marcus, but also, that story is still hilarious.

Oh, Marcus. Marcus should come back on Paradise and get his Nick Viall edit.

So let’s go over the opening credits, shall we?

They’re still using the poor cover of “Almost Paradise” because someone on this series refuses to buy the real version -this show has a budget of $100. We get shots of the guys in the water, people on speedboats, people making out, all the girls running in their bathing suits… and first up is Jordan, laying on his side like a washed-up beach whale struggling to breathe. Kendall is looking at what is her best option for a romantic partner, the skull of a bull. I don’t know who Angela is. Eric dances like he’s your favorite cousin at your great aunt’s 88th birthday party. Chris is not even worth acknowledging because he’s awful and I wish the wave that washed over him drowned him. They put Tia in a red, white, and blue bathing suit because she thinks she’s America’s sweetheart. These people could write a book on subtlety. Krystal throws... glitter? Kevin leans into that “sexy firefighter” thing, an occupation I have never found to be sexually appealing. Can someone in the comments explain why there are “sexy firefighters” and not like, “sexy restaurant managers”? Bibiana has a new haircut and drops a mic because we love unexplained jokes that only make sense later on in the episode when we see the source. MY BOYFRIEND WILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid holds up some melons and I love her bathing suit so I will refrain from calling her Astird for now. Grocery Store Joe can straight up get it. Nysha looks like my friend Rae’s sister and clearly is too good for this show. David’s clearly recovered from his Bachelorette season injury but he just looks untrustworthy. Annaliese, who no one remembers, is freaking out about a bird? KENNY who we don’t deserve does an amazing backflip and Chelsea holds a glass. Nick, who I am strangely attracted to, particularly in that track suit because he reminds me of Jeremy Renner is a weird melted down kind of way, shows us what’s under that track suit and damn. DAAAAAMN, Waxy Jeremy Renner. And then finally, Venmo John counts his pesos and god, I love him.

Oh, and my Ex-Boyfriend Wills and Mortal Enemy, Chris Harrison are in Sayulita, too. Mexico, I am so sorry.

Chris Harrison pretends like he’s setting up the island area where these contestants are going to be hanging out. Chris Harrison doesn’t know how to hold a rake, let alone operate one, and why is he raking sand?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! I am most uncomfortable with seeing Chris Harrison barefoot. That feels far too intimate from a man I despise. Anyway, they’re going to remind us of who these people are.

First up is Kendall, the Not Like the Other Girls Girl from Arby’s season. Kendall is different! She likes dead stuff and the most annoying instrument[^2] and loves posing on the beach in a bikini. Next is Kenny, who’s still hurting from his breakup with Rachel. We get to see McKenzie, his 11-year-old daughter, and I’m FULL OF EMOTIONS. Kevin Is Canadian and immediately reveals that Ashley I cheated on him with Jared. I love that. Throw that shade, Canadian Kevin. Krystal is also back, and she wants the world to know that she’s a good cook, including able to frost an angel food cake. Chris is back and he’s totally trying to Josh Murray himself and redeem his image from Becca’s season. Oh, Chris. You’re on the wrong show for that. He calls himself The Goose, and I already know that’s the “do the damn thing” of this season.

[^2] I will fight anyone on the ukelele being an annoying instrument. I get it, it’s cultural, but it’s unfortunately been appropriated by a certain sect of people and I’m annoyed by THAT mostly. Why can’t they just play the banjo? Or the trombone?

Speaking of birds, David the Chicken who doesn’t like avocados is back with his long-ass eyebrows. He lives at home in Boca Raton with his mom, because David is a catch. Unfortunately, he can’t marry his mom, but he’s coming to paradise to come after Jordan. Jordan’s got a full arsenal of looks to wear and roasting of Chicken David to do in Paradise. Annaliese is remembered for her bumper car trauma and fear of dogs and pretty much everything. She’s afraid of redheads, sand, sombreros, birds, large bodies of water, so... an island in Mexico is perfect for her. My Queen Bibiana is there for her third Bachelor series in six months and she’s just ready for all bikinis and hoping her ass slaughters al the men. Me too, Bibi. I love you. My Boyfriend Wills also shows us his sartorial choices of the season, and he’s ready to loosen up. Have his eyes always been that green? God. He’s like Smoky Robinson.

Ugh, Tia. Tia gets the longest of the opening montages because they want to torture us all. The only thing I like about Tia is that fact that TIa is thirsty as hell and not afraid to show her disappointment. Openly sad about Becca as The Bachelorette. Coming in twice to piss on Colton’s leg on The Bachelorette. Saying “I’m only here for Colton.” Tia is obvious about what it is she wants and we hate her for it. Because she’s thirsty.

Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, welcome to Fuck Island, where the people are heading in. The first in is Tia, who is like MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY MY JOURNEY!!!! This is her chance to pretend she’s The Bachelorette. She’s the first person to arrive and her new fake boobs are on display. She’s like, “the person who comes down the stairs could be my partner,” and the next person is Eric, who looks like a mascot. Kendall arrives “open to love” because Kendall isn’t like the other girls.

Next down is Jordan, clearly long enough for the three of them to get drinks. Jordan’s happy to be in a place as beautiful as he is. Tia makes mention of Jordan’s villain edit on his season and Jordan’s like, “sometimes it’s best to know someone before judging them.” Bibi comes down and makes a joke to Chris Harrison about the bumpy road to Paradise and how much her uterus hurts. It’s not a great joke. Is it a joke? Yes. Bibiana arrives as a flamboyant ball of fire and I love her. Jordan and Bibi have something, but Bibi is waiting for the real sign of a good guy. It's never coming, Bibi. Men are trash.

God, Grocery Store Joe, my mumble-mouthed handsome Chicago man, arrives ready to fall in love and doesn’t want to get home straight away again. That’s his main goal. Next is in My Boyfriend Wills, who immediately comes face to face with My Ex-Boyfriend Wells, who managed to maintain his job as bartender despite not knowing how to bartend. How White Man of him. No wonder we broke up. Chelsea comes in, looking pretty much just like Krystal, and all the guys jump on her. Chelsea is a hot mom. Kendall and GroStoJoe talk about picnics, and Joe’s like, “I’m not a picnic kind of person,” while Kendall is like “I like to have picnics in graveyards.” Kendall asks if Joe has ever seen a dead person, and it’s all... yeah. Stop it, Kendall.

Chris, my worst nightmare, shows up in some salmon pink shorts and I’m gagging. All the contestants are waiting to see who’s arriving next, and they all hope it’s not Krystal. Particularly Tia and Bibiana, who both say she’s a bad person. Krystal arrives and the dramatic music starts. Welcome to paradise, Y'all. Krystal talks about the stress of The Bachelor on her, but she can recognize that Chris shares part of her name. Tia is literally like “I’m happy she’s here, but I want to kill her.” Krystal has some bass in her voice and is speaking like a normal person, not with that weird lilt to her she was pulling off all Arby’s season. Kendall’s worried someone’s going to be interested in both her and Krystal and so of course, Joe goes after Krystal first.

Canadian Kevin, Waxy Jeremy Renner, and Venmo John all arrive. Of course, Kendall is about John because “I’m a sucker for nerds.” Kendall really isn’t like the other girls. Nysha, one of the girls from Arby’s season who we barely knew arrives, and so does Angela, whoever the hell Angela is. Who is Angela? Angela is gorgeous but man, I have no idea who she is. Our Favorite Dad Kenny arrives and McKenzie refuses to let him come back if he doesn’t have someone. I love this show. Kenny is talking to Nysha, but Astird walks in and I already know I’m going to get her and Angela confused.

Tia keeps looking over everyone’s shoulders in hopes that Colton is coming down the stairs. She thinks she’s being slick about it, but everyone notices and it’s hilarious. Annaliese comes down in her Romwe romper and Jordan immediately tells her he’s interested, attracted, and he’s known for being arrogant form his season. David arrives and Jordan immediately freezes up. Someone calls out “Jordan, David’s here!” and they’re expecting drama to go down between them. It doesn’t, Jordan and David have a handshake and David walks away. It’s just awkward. Tia’s bummed that David’s the last entry and Colton, in fact, will not be arriving that day. Everyone’s like “MOVE ON TIA” and Tia’s conflicted on what she wants out of Colton, it seems.

Chris Harrison comes in and tells them the rules - there are more women than men this week, and the guys aren’t safe this week. They need to pair up ASAP or else they won’t get the chance to be the next Jade And Tanner, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Two Years Ago In Paradise And Married On TV Early Last Year and Then Had A Baby, Remember Them? or Evan And Carly, The Golden Couple Who Got Engaged Last Year In Paradise And Married On TV Last Year and Then Had A Baby Too, Remember Them?

The girls are ecstatic that they have control, except Tia. Tia’s mad she’s going to have to talk to someone other than Colton, even though she’s safe that week. God, I hate her. Joe and Tia sit down and Joe’s getting his flirt on and getting his camera time. He’s making up for lost time, apparently. Colton immediately comes up and you can tell Joe barely remembers Colton. But Tia talks about how she had a “relationship” with Colton before his time on Becca’s season of La Bachelorette and they haven’t spoken since. Joe would want to give his date card to Tia, but he can tell Tia’s not over Colton.

Colton, Colton, Colton.

Tia, the only person who didn’t want a date card, gets a date card. The producers want to torture her. She actually yells “NO!!!” when her name is on the card, and I agree with Bibiana - she needs to be open to her options and she’s super upset at the idea. She literally said “I came here o find something serious and lasting with Colton,” a guy she went on two dates with once a few months ago. This is such alarming behavior. Everyone’s upset by Tia but they’re all pretending it’s okay.

Tia really confirms her trash taste by choosing Chris for her date card.

Joe’s like, “I’m disappointed,” but everyone is like “dude, bullet dodged.” Krystal is thrilled Joe wasn’t picked by Joe until Joe takes Kendall aside for some private time. Kendall and Joe are cute and talk about storms and they like each other and make out on one of the day beds. Kendall’s mom warned her about making out on one of the day beds, and here we are day one!!!!! Krystal, meanwhile, is just baffled by the entire idea of Joe and Kendall. Joe isn’t the guy for her, it’s confirmed.

So it’s nighttime, and we have a few connections already made - Joe and Kendall, Annaliese and Venmo John, and David thinks Angela is in his league2. But that’s it - a few people have been left behind and ignored, and we see a great awkward conversation between Nysha and Jordan. In the wake of Joe and Kendall hooking up, Krystal’s interested in Kevin, who isn’t nearly as hot everyone wants us to think. He looks like a rough draft of a person. They both talk about how hot the other is and they make out on another of the day beds. Gross3.

Chelsea, one of the most beautiful women this franchise has ever had, is on the couch with Wax Jeremy Renner, and he’s way into her. He doesn’t care that she’s a mom, he’s super into that and thinks he’d make a great role model. He’s super attracted to Chelsea, too and continues to be like “man, I would make out with you if you wanted to,” but she starts feeling sick. Chelsea is my queen. The other contestants talk about Tia and Chris’s date and how it’s unfair because Tia has unfinished business with a guy who’s not even there. Astird is correct in saying Tia probably should have given her date card away rather than go out with someone she was only interested in until someone else comes in.

As if Tia would ever give up the chance to be on camera.

Tia and Chris sit down to dinner that they’re not really going to eat, and Chris is shocked he’s even out with Tia. Tia brings up Colton first, and basically says “I’m here because I want to be here with you.” Chris is thrilled and is in Paradise to hang out with people he wouldn’t necessarily hang around. They both want to leave Paradise with a real relationship. They continue to cut back to the villa, where My Boyfriend Wills and Astird both think that Chris and Tia will have a fun date, even if it is a platonic one. But it doesn’t matter, because they both make out while fireworks go off!

Tia’s like “Colton Who?” Which is such a mature response and a clear indicator of where her mind is?

The next morning, Tia and Chris are all lovey-dovey and kissing, and everyone’s excited for them, which is why Colton’s arriving now. Production needs to take a class in subtlety because they even add the “thunder crashing” and “ominous clouds” videos, even though it’s gorgeous when Chris Harrison talks to Colton, who you know not to trust because he is permanently smiling. Colton tells Chris Harrison he’s not there just for Tia, but his world is open. He has a date card (barf). Colton arrives and immediately Chris is set off course and Tia is smiling like the Cheshire fucking cat. She can’t even pretend not to be over the moon. She fully expects Colton’s date card to go to her an- Colton takes Kendall aside first. Everyone’s like “him not grabbing Tia is a signal.” Kendall tells Tia and gets the deets, and everyone thinks it’s awkward to not grab Tia first. Chris, meanwhile, is spiraling, and he’s terrified Tia is going to go out with Colton.

I mean, Tia’s going to go out with Colton. That was written in First Corinthians. Poor Angela, though. I mean that in the “it hurts now but you dodged a bullet” way.

Chelsea, Nysha, and Angela are all hoping that this date will at least come out with some solid “yes-or-no” on the Tia and Colton situation. Jordan says this is Chris’s Vietnam. It’s a weak metaphor. Astrid and Wax Jeremy Renner HATE Colton. Wax Jeremy Renner calls Colton a “fame chaser”, and Astird thinks that Colton just likes having Tia on the back burner in case something else doesn’t turn out. Fuck Colton.

Tia and Colton talk about their first date from six months ago, where they basically spent a weekend together. Like, two dates. That’s it. Tia’s hoping they can recreate that weekend in Paradise, but this is an extra AF reaction for TWO dates. Chelsea also hates Colton, because he can’t figure it out - is he there to date Tia and fuck the “I’m open to everyone here” idea, or is be big enough of a dick to date other girls in front of Tia? Either way, he looks like a dick. Colton brings up what Tia did to make Becca send Colton home, and Colton is still pissed. Like, he’s trying to pretend like he’s not, but he’s still super mad because apparently he was in love with Becca and Tia got in the way of that.3 Tia is sorry if he feels like he missed out, but she didn’t want to miss out on her opportunity to get a chance to be with him. Colton doesn’t know what’s there or what could be there with Tia, but he mostly just wants to be on television. Tia wants to know if he feels like there’s something possible between them because she can’t get him out of her head. Colton gives the most nothingburger answer, like “I don’t know, I want to be fair to everyone, I’m not closing the door on this, I’m here to figure out my stuff and be on tv and hopefully become The Bachelor.” Tia doesn’t take this as “Okay, let’s both play the field” like Colton probably intended it to, she just thinks that’ll make him try harder. They go out on a speedboat and then they have a make-out session.

Tia talks on and on about her feelings for Colton, and we never once hear from him. I know that’s on purpose. What Colton is doing is dangerous, and really shouldn’t happen. Just tell someone you’re not interested. That’s it. Back at the villa, Jordan, Chris, and Wax Jeremy Renner are plotting to confront Colton. They all know he’s there to be on television and he isn’t interested in Tia. Kendall and Joe can’t be bothered and don’t understand why they’re bothered, either. The guys are white knighting Tia and they’re hoping they’re going to get to confront him. The two of them have a scarlet letter on them, and they both need to come to terms with it because they’re killing the vibe in paradise.

To be continued...

Next Time: The greatest summer in Bachelor History! Everyone is making out with everyone! Krystal is in love! Hot people on the beach! YUUUKIIIIIIIIIIII1!! Ugh, Leo vs. Joe? Clearly, I’m on one side over the other. Jenna ignites the feud between Jordan and David. Ugh, gross, that gross guy Kamil. Oh my god, Shushanna is back?! Shushanna “Shut up 5s, a 10 is speaking” Russian girl has been accused of being a witch, so I already am on her team. Colton tears. Eye roll. Tia tears. I don’t care. Ben Higgins yells about being unlovable, and gross, Arby is there. ROBB(IE???) WHY???? All of the Bachelor and Paradise alums we don’t care about! Tears!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Okay, this is the best collective group of Paradise alums we’ve had since the first one. Fight me. It’s a bunch of nothing contestants plus a few notable ones.

I love Bibiana and I love Chelsea and I love Astrid. They all else can go in the garbage.

I don’t know if I can handle six weeks of Colton talk and sociopath smiles.

... I really hate those braids on My Boyfriend Wills. Sorry, Wills.

I’m already adorning my tin foil hat here, but Y'all can’t tell me Corinne and Demario didn’t accept a hefty settlement in exchange for The Powers That Be to do whatever they want. ↩︎

David really is a permanent wingman and that is not a compliment. ↩︎

Or, really, Tia was brought in by production to give Becca an excuse to eliminate Colton before Fantasy Suites so she wouldn’t get screamed at by America for eliminating the virgin in the Fanty Sweets. Tinfoil hats abound over here. ↩︎ ↩︎

[mchenryjd]

2017 in Review

Necessarily incomplete, mostly for my personal record. I will probably regret this.

MOVIES

10.  mother!

Got to a screening late, had to sit in the third show, could barely tell what was happening and spent most of the movie staring at J. Law’s flared nostrils. An ideal viewing experience.

9.     Personal Shopper

Nothing captures the purposeful emptiness of spending time online like Kristen Stewart texting a ghost.

8.     Get Out

I kept telling my dad this movie was funny to get him to see it, not realizing he didn’t already know it was a horror movie. Afterwards, he texted me, “that was not a comedy!” Feels like that’s enough a metaphor. Daniel Kaluuya for best actor.

7.     Star Wars: The Last Jedi

A Star Wars movie about loving Star Wars movies, which means loving the epic, silly struggle between good and epic, loving the spiral staircase that is John Williams’s force theme, loving it when character always do the coolest possible thing followed by the next coolest possible thing, loving dumb furry creatures and sarcastic slimy ones, loving it when characters kiss when you want them to kiss, loving the hundred-million-dollar sandbox of it all. After the constricted dance steps of The Force Awakens and Rogue One, give me this bleeding freestyle any day.

6.     Phantom Thread

Finally, proof that everyone in a serious relationship has lost it.

5.     Call Me By Your Name

I refuse to believe that being stuck in rural Italy would be anything other than deadly boring and if my father insisted on turning everything into a lecture on classical art, I would run away. Also, there’s a contrast between the book (vague on the details of place and time, vividly specific on matters of sex) and the film (more contextually specific, sexier, but less horny than the original). Also, who am I kidding, I was moved and unsettled by the force of the thing. *Michael Stuhlbarg voice* Pray you get a chance to fall in love like this.

4.     Dunkirk

Having your tense, churning, clanking, thrumming, score transform into Elgar right when the beautiful, imperiled young heroes are reading a stirring speech (and Tom Hardy is heroically sacrificing himself in what looks like the middle of a Turner painting) is a level of craft so deft if feels like cheating, but it works.

3.     BPM

A film about a community in danger that acts as both a memorial to and rallying cry for that community. Uncompromising, accommodating, queer in the best way, BPM makes you want to cry and go dancing at the same time.

2.     Columbus

The kind of movie that makes you want to get in a car and keep driving until you find something beautiful, it has stuck and expanded in my memory ever since I saw it over the summer. Like the architecture that looms large in the setting, the plot can feel uncomfortably schematic – John Cho wants to leave and gets  stuck, Haley Lu Richardson is stuck and gets to leave. The question is how people live within, and blur the edges of, those confines. John Cho has a winning, curdled decency; Haley Lu Richardson gives the hardest kind of performance, in that she often seems unaware of her character’s own wants. I’d watch her quietly assemble dinner for hours on end.

1.     Lady Bird  

A movie that feels less plotted and more prefigured – every fight between Lady Bird has happened before, every high school landmark lumbers by with inevitability, every boy disappoints in the way you expect. What redeems all this? Paying attention, which is also love, in this movie’s pseudo-religious sense. Between Lady Bird and Marion, between Lady Bird and Julie, between Lady Bird and Sacramento. Watch people closely, as Greta Gerwig does, and they reveal glimmers of themselves (I know so little, and yet everything, about Stephen McKinley Henderson’s drama teacher from a few moments that feel perfect, in the sense of contained, past-tense completeness). It’ll all so ordinary. Fall in love with it.

Honorable mentions: Regina Hall’s speech about friendship in Girls Trip, Sally Hawkins tracing a droplet with her finger in The Shape of Water, Meryl Streep on the phone in The Post, Cara Delevingne in Valerian, Rihanna in Valerian, the part where the ghost jumped off the building in A Ghost Story, the fact that Power Rangers was surprisingly good, the soldier who gasps as Diana whips out her hair in the trenches in Wonder Woman, Ansel Elgort’s jacket in Baby Driver, whenever anyone tried to explain anything in Alien: Covenant, Elisabeth Moss in The Square, Anh Seo-hyun feeding Okja in Okja, Lois Smith being in movies, the kids eating ice cream in The Florida Project, the Game of Thrones joke in Logan Lucky, Vella Lovell in The Big Sick, and finally, most preciously, the moment in Home Again where Reese Witherspoon kissed Michael Sheen and someone in my theater shouted “she’s not feeling it!”

TELEVISION

10.  The Good Doctor

Listen, he’s a good doctor.

9.     Riverdale

They’re hot. They’re angsty. They do drugs that look like Pixy-Stix. They never seem to do homework. They love to hook-up in weird locations. They have terrible taste in karaoke songs. They love hair dye, and a well-defined eyebrow. They have really hot parents. They’re TV teens! I love it.

8.     Insecure

This is just to say that I am far too invested in Molly’s happiness as a person. I would also like to view a full season of Due North.

7.     American Vandal

From Alex Trimboli to Christa Carlyle, the best names on TV are on this show. Also the best reenactments, and somehow the most incisive take on what fuels, and results from TV’s true-crime obsession. Jimmy Tatro mumbling!

6.     Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

More shows should take the opportunity to explode in their third seasons, rocket forward at full speed, diagnose their main characters, and give Josh Groban wonderful, unexplainable cameos.

5.     Alias Grace

A show that conjured a performance for the ages out of Sarah Gadon and somehow made Zachary Levi palatable as a dramatic actor, this miracle of collaboration between Mary Harron and Sarah Polley is all the better for being binged. Down it in an afternoon, think of Grace under her black veil, daring you to disbelieve her, for years to come.

4.     Twin Peaks: The Return

A show that drove nostalgia into itself like a knife to the chest. Totally absurd. The best revival/exorcism yet on TV.

3.     Please Like Me

“Sorry about your life.” “I’m sorry about your life.” In a time when things tend to peter out, what a final season, in which everything goes to shit and then some. Maybe TV’s most prickly comedy, Please Like Me’s heart is of the “stumble along and keep going” sort and never does it test itself as much as it did with this bleak, pastel final statement.

2.     The Leftovers

Do you believe Nora Durst’s story? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think it sounds ridiculous. Sometimes I relax in the comfortable, academic premise that it only matters that Kevin does. It’s a haunting idea, though, this image of world even emptier than The Leftovers’s own, where it’s possible to wander for untold time in darkness. Carrie Coon’s description of it is a kind of journey to the underworld – we’re there with her, maybe, and then we make it back, maybe. The trick of The Leftovers is the wound’s never fully healed.

1.     Halt and Catch Fire

The world changes. People sorta don’t.

Honorable mentions: the twist in The Good Place, the Taylor Swift demon character in Neo Yokio, Claire Foy on The Crown, Vanessa Kirby on The Crown, the stand-up in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Cristin Milioti in Black Mirror, the televised Academy Awards ceremony, the weeks when Netflix didn’t release new TV shows I had to watch, Girls’s “American Bitch,” the fact that Adam Driver is both in Girls and Star Wars, Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys performances on The Americans (and life in Brooklyn), the moments in Game of Thrones that were good enough to make me stop thinking about what people would write about Game of Thrones, season 2 of The Magicians’s resistance to any sort of plot logic, Jane the Virgin’s narrator, Nicole Kidman at therapy on Big Little Lies, Reese Witherspoon’s production of Avenue Q in Big Little Lies, Alexis Bledel holding things in The Handmaid’s Tale, Maggie Gyllenhaal directing porn in The Deuce, Alison Brie’s terrible Russian accent in Glow, Maya Rudolph in Big Mouth, Cush Jumbo miming oral sex with a pen in court in The Good Fight, the calming experience of watching new episodes of Superstore and Great News on Fridays, Eden Sher in The Middle, the fake books they make up for Younger, and Rihanna livestreaming herself watching Bates Motel.

THEATER

10.  Indecent

History, identity, community all mangled together in something that’s both excavation and revivification. I’m so mad I didn’t get to see it with my mom.

9.     Mary Jane

A nightmare that goes from bad to worse, which Carrie Coon performed with the endurance of a saint.

8.     SpongeBob SquarePants

Highlights: The tap number, the Fiddler on the Roof joke, the many uses of pool noodles, David Zinn’s design in general, the arms, the volcano setpiece, the fact that somehow I kept laughing for two-and-a-half hours at something SpongeBob SquarePants. Tina Landau, you’re a hero.

7.     Hello, Dolly!

I had a wonderful viewing experience like this, in that I sat alone on an aisle next to an older gay man who turned to me right when the curtain came down on the first act and said, “man, we love Bette.” (Shout out to any and all gags involving the whale.)

6.     Groundhog Day

Proof you can dig deeper into the material you’re adapting and still find more. Sometimes, the funniest gags come out of old-fashioned repetition. Andy Karl has the Rolex-like ability to make it all speed by without revealing any of the ticks, and then wallop you in the second act.  

5.     The Glass Menagerie

A lot of unconventional ideas piled onto each other that go so far into strange territory that they loop back around to being immediate. Maybe distant to some, but enough to unsettle me. I can still smell the onstage rain.

4.     The Wolves

A sign of a good play is probably that you remain invested in the characters long after you see it, and I’m going to spend so much time worrying about all the girls on the soccer team in The Wolves for the rest of my life.

3.     The Band’s Visit

Katrina Lenk has a gorgeous voice. Tony Shalhoub is restrained to the point that he could move his baton with nanometer accuracy. The songs are transporting. But most of all, The Band’s Visit manages to capture loneliness better than nearly any musical I’ve seen. Everyone, audience included, experiences something together, and then it all, slowly, both lingers and drifts apart.

2.     A Doll’s House, Part 2

What, you think I wasn’t going to include a play with a Laurie Metcalf performance? ADHP2 is perhaps clever to a fault in its set-up, but in the right hands, it turns into something both funny and moving – a story about what it takes to become a complete person, in or outside the influence of other people. Nora’s monologue about living in silence near the end is the full of the kind of simple statements that are so hard to act, and so brilliant when done just right.

1.     The Antipodes

Both an extended meditation on what it means to run out of stories and a brutal subtweet of Los Angeles, The Antipodes is my kind of play, in that it’s mostly people talking, Josh Charles is involved and very disgruntled, and everyone eats a lot of take out.

Honorable mentions: the music in Sunday in the Park With George, the pies in Sweeney Todd, the ensemble of Come From Away, seeing Dave Malloy in The Great Comet of 1812, Alex Newell’s “Mama Will Provide” in Once on This Island, Cate Blanchet having fun in The Present, Imelda Staunton in the NTLive Follies, Michael Urie in Torch Song, Patti LuPone’s accent(s) in War Paint, Ashley Park in KPOP, and Gleb.

[briangroth27]

Riverdale: Who is the Black Hood?

A new killer, the Black Hood, is stalking Riverdale and I think I know who it is.

It’s Chic Cooper, Betty’s half-brother and the baby Hal tried to force Alice to abort, but she didn’t. I believe Chic was inspired by Betty's speech like he said, and he’s getting his target list from Alice's journalism. 

A lot points to someone directly connected to the Coopers. That’s why the Coopers got the evidence: it wasn’t to report it in the paper or give it to the police; it was to prove he’s Alice and Betty’s loyal follower. The personal connection is why Betty got the letter and phone calls, and why the Black Hood apparently wants to cut her off from her friends so he doesn’t have to “share” her. Only someone with access to Betty or obsessed with becoming close to her could know about that Nancy Drew cipher. She’s his sister and he wants a reunion.

Chic’s out-of-wedlock conception, the attempt to make Alice get an abortion, and his teen mother giving birth are all examples of sinful behavior (from an extreme conservative point of view), which is the Hood’s stated target. Maybe he feels his sinful origin can only lead him to one destiny—more sin—so he’s accepted that by aiming himself at other sinners; a twisted way of doing “something good” with the “evil” of his origin. I think he sees Betty as the light to his darkness...and maybe thinks she’s his salvation.

Alice is from the South Side, just as the killer seems to be. It's true Alice hates the South Side, but the Black Hood is cleaning up the criminal elements that crop up in the North, preserving her half of Riverdale. He hasn’t attacked any upstanding or “innocent” North Side people yet, because he’s not waging war on them, he’s “protecting” them from sin as it gets too close. He may not be able to take on all of the South Side as one man, but he can certainly curb their encroachment into the North Side...which is something Alice wants.

The only person the Black Hood has actually killed is Fake Miss Grundy, and she was murdered via a much more personal strangulation instead of a shooting. Is it possible his victims haven’t gotten lucky three times now, but he’s just firing off extreme warning shots? Fake Miss Grundy’s creepy tutoring sessions are the crime Alice truly hated…and the one she didn’t expose in the paper. Maybe the Black Hood was finishing the job for her. 

The cops said there was no sign of forced entry, so Fake Miss Grundy “must’ve known the Black Hood,” but she seemed surprised the window was open. Perhaps Chic acted as one of her tutoring students—maybe he even offered himself up as a sick test to see if she’d reformed (he’d be of legal age, but she might not know that)—and unlocked the window from the inside.

Midge and Moose were shot right after Alice took pictures of her buying Jingle-Jangle for one of her articles. Does the Black Hood have access to her phone (or her cloud uploading service) somehow? 

It's possible the gunman's green eyes are color contact lenses, meaning we can't depend on accounts of his eye color. Spotty contacts could also account for his seemingly poor shooting. Furthermore, as TV Guide pointed out, Midge didn’t agree his eyes were green—she didn’t disagree either, but she didn’t confirm it—and Archie was traumatized by his dad’s shooting, so the eye color and aging around his eyes is suspect.

If it was the Black Hood stalking Ethel and not just some creep (I’m inclined to believe the latter, since wouldn’t he just drive up and shoot her if he wanted to?), the only motive would seem to be her having been slut-shamed by Chuck Clayton. She was the one to go on record about that, so even though Chuck was lying about her, her reputation was smeared. However, she was also there when Betty tortured Chuck to get him to confess. Maybe the Black Hood has some knowledge of Dark Betty/”Polly” (Chuck’s confession video was why he was kicked off the team and suspended) and wanted to punish Ethel for bringing that darkness out in Betty. If he sees Betty as the light to his darkness, he certainly wouldn’t want to see her tarnished.

If the kids are right and the Black Hood is in his 40s, it can’t be Chic (Betty approximated his age as mid-20s). A friend of mine theorized Hal could be the Black Hood and while I can see a lot of these clues adding up to him acting alone—even cleaning up the town could be a sick plan to get Alice back��the phone calls to Betty don’t seem like his style to me (and it’d be weird if Hal were punishing all these other people for sins when he’s tried to force abortions and accepted incest). If Chic isn’t on his own, I think my friend’s absolutely right that Hal’s wearing the mask: I think he’s working as his son’s gunman. If that’s the case, I don’t think Chic knows Hal likes to force people to have abortions or the true lineage of Polly’s kids. Or, maybe Chic knows everything and Hal working for his son is the price of protecting Polly—maybe Chic will make the Blossom/Cooper connection public knowledge and ruin Polly’s life if he doesn’t help—as well as some sort of penance, just like Chic is using his “evil” to help the town. I like that better. 

Whether Hal is the gunman or it’s just Chic, much of the Black Hood’s information—particularly on Betty—could easily come from blackmailing Hal for details with the same kind of threats. He’d definitely know about the cipher. He’d probably have access to Alice’s photo cloud drive and he’d definitely have access to early drafts of her articles since they work at the same paper. He’s shown a dark side and is willing to do extreme things to “protect his girls.” Furthermore, just wounding people rather than killing them seems like an appropriate level of darkness for Hal; I’d also believe it if he were simply a bad shot. Even more damning, he’s in a position to have been told about Fake Miss Grundy’s affairs with students by Alice...and unless the Black Hood also read Betty’s journal (which is not impossible), it’s hard to believe Fred or Betty told anyone else so Alice must’ve been the source. Since Betty is/was on medication, it’s possible Hal and Alice know about Dark Betty. Most simply, he wouldn’t have even had to deliver the package of evidence to himself; he could’ve just walked into the house with it (and Chic could’ve hand-delivered the cipher letter to Betty at school). If the Black Hood is not Chic acting alone, Hal is my number one suspect for his gunman.

If the Black Hood is not Chic or Hal, perhaps the kid wasn’t even Hal’s and the gunman is Chic’s actual father, who may be someone we already know…maybe one of the Serpents Jughead’s in contact with, like Tall Boy. That would explain why they couldn’t turn anything up beyond a loudmouth when Jug asked the Serpents to look into the Black Hood. 

I thought for a moment the as-yet unnamed “Young Serpent” played by Arthur MacKinnon who hangs with Tall Boy could be Chic, but apparently Chic’s been cast (I won’t spoil by who in case they introduce him under a different name). …Unless they’re pulling a bait-and-switch here and the guy they cast as Cooper isn’t playing the real Chic. Maybe "Young Serpent" will hire "Chic" to feel out the town before revealing himself as Betty’s true brother.

The comic book Black Hood is a series of former cops-turned-vigilantes who kill criminals, so it’s possible this Hood is a cop rather than a Serpent. I’ve seen Sheriff Keller suggested elsewhere as a suspect; could he be Chic’s dad, cleaning up the criminals he can’t catch as a member of law enforcement?

It’s cleaner if the kids are wrong about the age and it’s Chic under the Black Hood—and I love the idea of Archie being so rattled by the shooting that he didn’t know what he saw (which echoes Cheryl’s unreliable narration last year)—and he’s threatening Hal for details. I’m not discounting a gunman following orders, though, and my money is on Hal for that culprit. Regardless of who’s wearing the Black Hood, I think Chic Cooper is pulling his strings.

EDIT Following the 11/8 Episode, “When a Stranger Calls:” Outing Alice’s past throws a bit of a wrench into my theory, but I still think it’s Chic. I think the Black Hood is only being guided by Alice’s reporting because it gives him a convenient insight into who the criminals are in town. He’s only proving himself to Betty, not Alice. As far as he’s concerned, Alice being a teen mother probably marked her as a sinner.

I think Betty “recognizing his face” means that Chic has either been hiding in plain sight under a different name or that she’ll recognize his eyes or some other feature as someone related to her.

Maybe I was wrong and he wants to bring out Dark Betty, so they can clean up the town together. Their familial relation is another reason they’re “the same.”

Sheriff Keller saying the two handwriting samples didn’t line up makes me think Chic has an accomplice.

Betty thinks he’s in his 30s or 40s—getting closer to the mid-20s she estimated Chic to be—as opposed to the 40s suggested earlier and that he might have a daughter based on his Nancy Drew cipher.

Knowing exactly where Polly is (and about Alice’s past) definitely incriminates Hal as an accomplice at least. I don’t think he knows everything Chic is doing, though, and I think he’s just the information source; just like the Hood is threatening Polly to coerce Betty, he’s threatening Betty to coerce Hal. I just don’t buy Hal saying these things to Betty—especially the things about Polly and her children—even as controlling as we know him to be.

As TV Guide pointed out, the Black Hood’s refusal to even threaten Archie is very odd. I have no answer for that, unless Chic’s father is Fred and he doesn’t want to hurt his half-brother.

What do you think? Who’s your top suspect?

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 3 Recap: A Lot of Bouncing

This week’s Beard Hunk doesn’t quite leave us where we left off last week.  If you recall, Nick had just sent Liz packing, and, tail between his legs, walked back to tell the remainder of women on the group date that he and Liz had terrible sex 9 months ago and he failed to tell anyone when she “appeared” on the show. But this week picks up the following day and we only see a montage of girls obsessing over Nick’s actions before it’s time for the cocktail party to start. But before we can get started with the night’s round of speed dating, Nick gets a chance to tell his side of the Liz story, glossing over the awkward sex and the fact that she flat out said “I don’t want your number.” It’s all pretty rehearsed and insincere, which is on brand. Admittedly, I was paying more attention to his floral print tie than his words.

After Nick invites the girls to participate in a Reddit AMA about him and Liz, he spends the rest of the night reassuring the women that he does, in fact, have a dick and Liz is clearly a TV fame whore. At no point in the night do we see Nick actually apologize for his dishonesty. The closest we get to remorse is Nick telling Danielle L. that he was particularly worried about how she felt, because she’s super hot and out of his league. After a few dull conversations, the Corinne Show starts back up again. Because she “knows how to turn on the sex charm,” Corinne corners Nick outside, wielding whipped cream and wearing nothing but a trench coat. Corinne’s launches into an “I really like you” speech only to be interrupted by Nick asking if she’s in a dress or a coat. As if Nick can’t see the tell tale signs of a Varsity Blues reenactment. After making him actually eat a mouth full of whipped cream, Corinne pulls out her left boob, covers it in whipped cream, and demands he lick it off.

AND HE DOES!!! I’m not sure why this surprised me SO much, but like, COME ON. He eventually starts to get nervous as his eyes dart off camera to a producer, clearly worried that someone is going to see them and wanting to know if the coast is clear. It was, for the time being, so Corinne goes ahead and flashes Nick AGAIN. At this point, Nick starts explaining in a voice over that he’s “really juggling trying to appreciate Corinne while also being respectful of the women in the house.”

Pretty impressive juggling, Nick.  Eventually Jasmine walks by, pretending to have no idea what’s going on and saves Nick from more fake juggling. In a puzzling turn of events, Corinne becomes self-aware for just a moment, worrying that she went too far and made things awkward. She’s clearly just wasted at this point, and since she’s used to getting about 16 hours of sleep per day it’s time for a nap. But it’s also time for the rose ceremony. Obviously no one bothered to wake her up because she’s a terrible disaster, but this is also another example of how these girls keep giving Nick the benefit of the doubt when he does. not. deserve. it. They thought he would get mad and punish her. Maybe take away her rose and make her participate in the ceremony. But he does none of this. Instead, he gives us yet another circus metaphor, telling us that it’s a difficult balancing act between validating Corinne’s behavior and keeping the other women from thinking he’s validating her behavior. And then. sure enough, he validates her behavior by doing and saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

Awesome balancing act, Nick. 

Rock Your Body, Right?

Okay so I would definitely freak out for 2 minutes if BSB showed up in my living room, but then I would be like, “wait, do you really have NOTHING better to do?” Well, no. Not really. So the first group of girls and Nick head off to some LA studio where the Backstreet Boys teach them choreography (aka “planned dancing”) so they can all perform *live* on stage later that night. Corinne struggles through this group date because she’s not a good planned dancer and because Nick can’t take his eyes off Danielle L. She claims she’s “not a cry baby” and doesn’t throw a fit when the attention isn’t on her ... but then cries and runs away because the attention isn’t on her. Her “meltdown,” as well as the remainder of the date is pretty underwhelming. Even though Jasmine is an actual professional dancer, Danielle L. is the main focus. Neither Nick, the cameraman or the 5th Backstreet Boy no one ever remembers can keep their eyes off Danielle L. So she *wins* this portion of the date and as punishment a reward, she gets to slow dance with Nick on stage to an acapella rendition of “I Want It That Way.”

Later that night, we see Nick and Danielle L. getting some quality alone time, but it all feels pretty fake. Not just because she’s an actress and would never give him the time of day in real life, but because she’s an actress and would never give him the time of day in real life. Back at the camp fire, Corinne has just woken from a quick cat nap and joins a comically stereotypical conversation about boob jobs and kids which quickly turns into a Raquel reveal. The women are floored to hear that Corinne has a “nanny” that makes her bed, slices her vegetables and makes her cheese pasta (more commonly known as mac and cheese). Jasmine’s reaction is everyone’s reaction:

Yes, she DID just say nanny. Yes, she IS a 24-year-old. Yes, she IS the worst person you have ever met in your life. Jasmine is so drunk shocked by the news that she ends up wiping out on her way back from the bathroom. 

No Gravity. Lots of Tears.

The Zero-Gravity plane is definitely cooler than the Backstreet Boys, but less cool than, say, dating a guy who doesn’t lick whipped cream of a 24 year old’s chest before and after making out with your roommates. As I imagine most dates with Nick go, everything is going *swell* until Vanessa starts throwing up. She is able to look fairly poised as she barfs, even though Nick is all over her like a needy little rodent, rubbing her feet and up her pant legs as she yacks into a barf bag. Later that night, Vanessa tells a moving story about the day she buried her grandfather (conveniently right before she came here) and how someone gave her a rose so this is all *fate* (or something like that). After this moving story, she asks some hard hitting questions like why he’s doing this for a 4th time after getting shit on so many times. Nick explains that its hard to pay bills and your rent when you aren’t employed or making appearances, and you can’t do that if you’re just a two time loser with no compelling love story. The openness and honesty of this conversation moves Nick, and me, to tears.

Track, Field, and Bouncing

The second date is considerably less exciting than dancing behind the Backstreet Boys. Of course Olympians should get us more excited, but ABC is going to be hard pressed to find a Bachelor fan who gives a shit about the first US woman to win gold in the shot put. Luckily, Astrid decided to make the date more interesting for everyone by not wearing a real sports bra despite rocking double Ds. Astrid, honey, no man--especially this one--is worth running around in an unsupportive sports bra for. After a serious of actual track and field events, Rachel, Alexis and Astrid—due in part because of her javelin throw and larger part by dem titties—are selected to race each other to grab a fake engagement ring. Despite coming in 3rd place, Astrid manages to grab the ring, or what’s left of it, off the ground and wins the prize of a make out session with Nick in a hot tub. Later that night, Dominique continues to spiral about Nick not paying attention to her, so Rachel takes her into the bathroom and gives her a very reasonable pep talk. Notably, even though Dominique ends up getting sent home before the end of the date, this whole part of the episode was very boring. It’s not a coincidence, of course, seeing as most of the younger girls were either left at the house or on the first date. But this reflects the Catch 22 that is the Bachelor. You want to see drama and girls say dumb shit, but you also want to see people find *genuine love*. It’s hard to find *genuine love* when you cast a bunch of 24 year olds to date a 36 year old, but it’s also hard to keep people interested if you don’t have a Corinne flashing her nip every other scene. This is, of course, one of the countless reasons why these pairings almost never work out in real life, further emphasizing the conclusion that this show is ultimately about 15 minutes of fame and finding new people to push Fit Tea on Instagram, not about finding love.

Straddling Someone In a Bouncy Castle. No.

I’m a big fan of pool parties replacing the cocktail parties because people end up getting wasted after drinking in the sun all day. It also provides time for stunts like Corinne’s bouncy castle. To no one’s surprise, Corinne does not join the pool party but instead, lures Nick out to the driveway where the producers Raquel have inflated a bouncy castle for Nick and Corinne to dry-hump in. As if this wasn’t enough and “Very unfair!,” Corinne squeals loudly with excitement so the girls sitting just 10 feet away can hear her. Almost as if it was staged (lol), the girls peek their heads out into the driveway to see Corinne bouncing on top of Nick.

Most of them get fed up watching Corinne and Nick dry-hump and head back to the pool to plot their “I’m disappointed in you” talk with Nick.  Sure enough, Raven kicks things off by saying that on behalf of all the small business owners on this show, he is making a huge mistake with Corinne. Nick seems to have missed the whole nanny memo, but he isn’t as disgusted / appalled / turned off as a 36 year old would imagine. That may be because he’s connected the dots that she’s loaded. Or he doesn’t care because he thinks with a dick and this is all just another step to landing himself in the reality tv hall of fame. Or, he just doesn’t respect these women. Assuming it’s #3, because it is, he lets the criticism wash over him like a sheepish alter boy, avoiding eye contact with all the drunk girls lecturing him. That is, until Vanessa pulls him aside and dresses him down. Nick, being the piece of shit that he is, tries to tell Vanessa he “doesn’t know what she saw” --- but Vanessa claps back that “it was enough for her to walk away after 2 seconds.” 

Hell yeah it was, because that was shameless and gross and pretty god damn offensive. Especially after he just said he didn’t want people thinking he wasn’t here for the #rightreasons and CRIED in her arms the night before. So, Vanessa asks, why the fuck would you hump a 24-year-old with a nanny in front of everyone and on TV? And before you can answer, just know that Vanessa isn’t judging Corinne, she’s judging Nick’s actions.  Well that’s very admirable, Vanessa. But we’re also judging Corinne....

Did you notice . . .

Elizabeth (we’re always like “who the hell is that) says that she might not be able to stay if Nick fucks anyone before the Fantasy Suite. But, after the Fantasy Suite is okay?

Corinne’s intonation when she complains about watching Danielle L. and Nick make out in front of her faaaaace.

Alexis says “move bitches” when she steps down to get her rose. Love her.

Corinne saying she was asleep with her nips exposed on the group date. Like what is with this girl and her nipples. We get it! You have nipples!

I’d bet you $100 Ivanka Trump also calls mac and cheese “cheese pasta.”

“I could be one of the last ones standing.” - Rachel. It’s funny how she doesn’t say “I could be engaged.” Almost like she knows there’s 0% chance Nick would actually get fake-engaged to...

Josephine’s audition for America’s Got Talent during the credits. Yikes.

Minority Report: Jasmine just barely got the final rose this last ceremony, but we lost Dominique in an unceremonious dismissal fitting her time, or lack thereof, on the show. At least Rachel got the group date rose, so it kind of all evened out?