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whirlybirbs · 8 months ago

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— BURNER CELL ; 2 ; DABI ; 荼毗

summary: after a week of silence, you finally text dabi. pairing: dabi / f!reader ; quirkless word count: 1.3k tag: humor, maladjusted dabi meets normal adult woman, flirting, canon-based world building, cancer mention, texting as a plot device, slight au, univeristy student!reader a/n: this stole all my concentration. siri play emo boy by ayesha erotica ← previous | the tag | next →

It's the kind of week where, aside from class, human interaction isn't really on life's setlist.

It's also the kind of week where you rediscover making a meal of raw cookie dough straight from the package. Your econ textbook might have a stranglehold on you, but you make enough time to scarf down a few globs between chapters — after all, who needs protein or fiber when you're sure this five-year master's program will kill you first?

Your head hurts.

You slump against the counter, refilling your water bottle.

It's late now — and you can feel the quiet woes beginning to wane as you blink at the clock. By now, your friends are probably on their second or third drinks. You turned the invite down when they asked yesterday. Nuri tugged on your sweater sleeve and pouted the best pout she could manage, but you didn't budge.

I've gotta finish this paper, I'm sorry, Nur'.

You roll your jaw as you shut the faucet off, wandering to your freezer to wrangle some cubes from the tray. You bend it slowly, deep in thought. A few pop out, and you idly drop them into your water bottle with a twang.

You're staring at your phone. It's by your computer on the counter.

...You never did text Dabi.

You told yourself it was for the best — after all, you weren't looking for a catastrophic derailment of your life at the moment. Things are good. You're two semesters away from finishing University, your family's bakery back in Kyoto is doing well, and Dad's chemotherapy seems to be working. Things are good! It's almost fall, you've managed to stick to your monthly budget, and Mizu settled in happily to your new apartment.

No four-day poop strike like the last time you moved.

The large tuxedo cat in question ambles through the kitchen — brushing against your leg and letting out a long, low mrrooow.

Things are great!

You shouldn't text Dabi.

But... even if you did, it's not like it'd be the end of the world, right?

Wait, could he figure out where you lived from your number...?

You could use one of those anonymous texting services. Then, it wouldn't even be your number. Just some fake string of digits that allow you to satiate the bizarre curiosity that's been swirling in your head for the last week.

You're sure the novelty will wear off.

He's probably not even going to respond.

You're telling yourself this is stupid as you begin to set up an account with the service — the app boasts privacy, andunlimited calls and texts... You can't help but feel a little strange as you finalize your account.

It's done.

You import his contact with two taps and stare at the blank screen.

...Now what?

Are you really going to do this? I mean — he's a wanted criminal. He's a member of the League of Villains. If anyone ever found out you were in contact with him, you'd be toast. You'd have All Might kicking your door in and demanding to look through your phone and that mental image is enough to make you cringe. Say goodbye to your degree, goodbye toyour future as Sakura Flour's owner, and goodbye to freedom. You're sure the Safety Commission would place you on some watch list for the rest of your life, and frankly, your tweets are already questionable. You don't need more scrutiny.

...So, there are two options.

Delete his number and move on... or don't get caught.

You shouldn't text Dabi.

...But, you do.

Truth be told, he isn't shocked to see that cute Nuri girl hanging on Giran's arm again. The Broker seems pretty into her — the guy even mentioned something about taking her to a nice dinner during the week as a congrats on passing some big test. Dabi can't blame him. She's cute. Looks good in red. Not his type, but he can appreciate it from time to time.

However, Dabi is a little shocked that you're not a part of the group cheering in Giran's VIP section. There's bottle service being ordered, laughter, dancing, and a gaggle of pretty, five college girls — and none of them are you.

His lips twist into a scowl.

He decides he's leaving; his piss-poor drink is tossed back, and he dumps a bill down for the bartender before tugging his hood up and sucking his teeth.

He never liked this club anyway.

He's crossing the threshold of the back door, stepping into the damp and dark alley, when the phone in his back pocket buzzes. Someone's smoking a Marlboro by the dumpster. The familiar smell makes Dabi's fingers twitch.

He's tryna quit.

He tugs the phone from his pocket, no longer bothered by the splintered glass screen. His battery is at 13%. This fuckin' thing barely holds a charge anymore.

The number on the screen isn't one he knows.

Dabi's passcode is unnecessarily long. His phone clicks open as he narrows his eyes and shambles towards the opening in the alley. He doesn't know this number. He has everyone's cell memorized that he needs. Shigaraki, Toga, Spinner, Jin, Compress, even Giran. He doesn't keep contacts. Doesn't work when he's ditching phones all the time. He's got his noggin. That's good enough.

The text is one word:

hi.

Dabi's squinting at the text when another buzzes through.

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:48pm sorry, this is bar girl

→ dabi ; 11:46pm thought u were never gonna txt me ur girlie nuri is here where r u

There's no way.

Your phone buzzes three times from its far place where it sits face down on the counter — you just walked away from it, hellbent on distracting yourself while you waited out the potential reply. You go rigid in your kitchen.

Did he seriously text you back immediately?

You purse your lips, then slink towards the phone. It buzzes again.

→ dabi ; 11:47pm c'mon don't leave me hangin pretty

Your eyes are wide as you stare at the string of replies. He has read receipts turned on like the psychopath he is.

You lean back against the counter, chewing your cuticle as you let out a ragged sigh. Nuri is with him? Or... No, they said they were going to that club you hate.

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:4pam oh, are they at the bar?‎

Dabi's fingers move fast.

→ dabi ; 11:49pm nah in downtown club tropical or whatever the fuck it's called

You snort a little.

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:49pm i hate that place. their drinks suck.

Dabi has started making his way back to their hideout — back to the shit box apartments they're renting above Kurogiri's bar. He's slow, idly texting as he weaves through the crowds of nightlife in Kamino Ward.

→ dabi ; 11:50pm a girl after my own heart where r u ur dodging my question u on a date or smthng????

He's insistent, you'll give him that. You cross your legs as you lean back against the laminate counter and chew the inside of your lip.

He's typing. It starts, then stops, then starts again.

When you start typing, the bubble disappears.

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:50pm nah, got a huge paper to finish uni student, remember? sorry to disappoint

→ dabi ; 11:51pm ur missin out giran got bottle service him and nuri looked cozy

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:51pm not shocked she thinks she can fix him

→ dabi ; 11:51pm ooooo love when that happens poor girl

Typing...

→ dabi ; 11:51pm u think u can fix me? :p

The emoji makes your face break into a smile — it's so... not what you expected.

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:52pm nah i'm not stupid

→ dabi ; 11:52pm just busy....really lame of u tbh coulda been fun

← 909.999.3399 ; 11:52pm wasting cash on mid drinks is the opposite of fun

→ dabi ; 11:52pm i meant seeing me

Oh, what the fuck.

Why does that text make your face feel hot? Why does that text make you feel like you're not texting the League of Villain's #1 Arsonist, but some cute boy from class? He's not a cute boy from class. He's a danger to society.

You're glad you don't have the opportunity to reply. Your phone is buzzing in your hands, the haptic feedback lighting the neurons in your brain on fire.

→ dabi ; 11:53pm gtg phone is gonna die have fun with ur paper u loser hope u get a good grade��or whatever i'll txt u later

You shouldn't have texted Dabi.

But you did.

#burner cell #mha dabi #bnha x reader #bnha dabi #dabi todoroki #dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi imagine #mha imagine #bnha imagine #touya x reader #touya x y/n #dabi x y/n #this is ridiculously fun i love these two haters

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hana-no-seiiki · 1 year ago

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Good news. Did some decent progress on What’s Up Danger so you guys will finally get fed this Wednesday! Bad news, the quality might not be the best since I’m fasting while writing it oTL

Anyways, here are some Batfam w/ Cat Villain! Reader moments/snippets.

TW YANDERE AND MENTION OF NONCON/SOMNO

Both Jason and Reader’s first words to each other were, “What the fuck.”

Reader referring to Jason being a giant, and violent asf esp in comparison to Dick. While Jason was confused at his heart beating so fast and mildly crushing on you while you were fighting.

Bonus points: You guys did the spiderman point meme.

You have the biggest age gap with Dick. I headcannon the boys to be close in age so there wouldn’t be any not so good implications when it comes to relationships, but it’s almost unavoidable unless Batman switches sidekicks every year or so. (You are younger than Jason but older than Tim)

But that is also another reason why you two didn’t click as well as you did with Jason

You’d often make jokes or use slang and Dick would just be “???” He tried his best though.

On the reverse side of things, and like I mention before Tim and you got along too well as friends. He’s one of the few people you could gush to about literally any fandom and he somehow (through stalking your searches and literally every gadget/appliance you owned) knew everything about it already.

You two have written several theses on fellow vigilantes and villains (mostly ‘dumb’ ones like who has the best cake based on so and so criteria)

Damian is the best when it comes to bantering with you mid-fight. It’s the combined years of sass and assassin training. Went from plain insults to whole ass (not so) subtly being horny when you beat each other down.

He’s also the worst (best?) when it comes to your nicknames. He insists that you two use it on each other. Some exclusive while others he’s usually fine hearing from other mouths.

There was one point in time where you were called Kitten while the boys forced/bribed you to call them Daddy

Tim and Jason have tattoos of you/related to you.

For Jason it’s your name with a few paw prints, and for Tim it’s when he first fought you (and got his ass whooped)

After Jason came back and revealed himself to you, he tattooed the scratch marks you left him on his back after doing the deed.

Damian secretly practices doing henna so he can draw on you during your “wedding” since he doesn’t want anyone touching you. Sort of defeats the purpose, but go off king.

Being the thorough guy he is, he uses lab equipment to make his own blends.

Bruce? Bruce hates your ass. Sometimes it’s in a hatefuckey way but most of the time he blames you for corrupting his kids.

So he corrupted you in turn.

I feel like he gets off to cucking them honestly (blame that one comic) but if Reader is AFAB I wouldn’t be surprised if he impregnated them.

He’s a softie at heart when it comes to you though, courtesy of your similarities with Selina.

Speaking of, Talia adores you.

Like if there was anyone she would want with her son it was you.

She thinks the fact that you haven’t been put behind bars is a testament to your skill, and after getting over your similarity to her “rival in love” she would actively get you to be with her son.

Eventually she realizes she loves you more than Bruce and well, that’s a story for another fic.

You have at least a dozen trackers on you at all times.

Most of them you’ve ingested and pooped out.

It’s mostly Tim of course. But the duty of actually feeding you that stuff usually goes to Dick.

Dick has uh- somnophillia’ed you a fair bit after the break up.

He really, and I mean really likes to watch you sleep.

It reminds him of those ‘catnaps’ you’d take while watching over the Titans.

There would be times where he’d just be in a daze/in autopilot for hours reminiscing about your past together

His favorite memories to go back to were your first fight together, first kiss, and times under the sheets, and a date you guys had before in a festival/circus.

He never takes the antidote for Poison Ivy’s sex pollen and always comes to you for it, regardless of his or your relationship status.

Tim has at least a million typewritten chats with AI you, and around a few hundred hours of voice chats.

You did eventually take his virginity.

He came as soon as he was inside you/you were inside him.

You have been offered to be a part of the bat crew or a vigilante. But,

you massacred many after Jason’s supposed death and feel too guilty to call yourself anything other than a villain.

Chokers with bells. It’s a popular gift to give you. Especially ones that are custom made with expensive ass materials and engraving.

Sometimes Tim just gives you weapons.

Alfred is your best source of blackmail material.

You’ve actively tried cursing him (with immortality). You love the man.

He’s secretly the president of your official fanclub/fansite but you didn’t hear that from me.

You fight a lot with Damian’s pets. Like in a way that you turn into a literal cat and hiss at them.

And last but not least, you’re vv close with every member of the Teen Titans (besties with Rachel and Garfield)

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

@sophiethewitch1

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six-eyed-samurai · 7 months ago

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SUMMARY: Hitoshi has never been so annoyed by his new cat stealing your attention from him and ruining all your dates. A/N: I'M SO SORRY I LET THIS COOK IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG AND I GOT LAZY AT THE END @/katsukistofu anyways, actual A/N: the cat's name can be interpreted as a reference to the Apothecary Diaries or a pun on meowing or in Chinese literally catcat WARNINGS: Mentions of poop (it's cat, what'd you expect) and probably very OOC Hitoshi (forgive me I haven't finished MHA)

Hitoshi wanted to throttle everyone in the room and then himself. Not the best way to start your mornings.

“Everyone in the room” was actually just his cat. Of course you could count Eri and Aizawa downstairs but in truth the only one Hitoshi wanted to actually (not really) throttle was the cat. Possibly himself later too when you inevitably get mad/laugh at him.

He doubted the cat in question knew that though. Or if Maomao knew that she didn't care. Hitoshi side eyes her from the mirror, still in the process of getting ready. She continues her washing on his bed, either very obliviously or very smugly.

Hitoshi liked cats. Loved and adored them, in fact. But ever since THIS particular, traitorous feline waltzed into his life he might make an exception.

It probably started when he introduced Maomao to you. He'd been pretty worried to how his new pet would take to you, because if his beloved girlfriend and precious cat didn't get along he'd get another reason for insomnia. Thankfully however, you had immediately fallen for the innocent-looking Calico, getting on your knees at once to pet and coo and fawn over her. Maomao, in turn, ate it up and made a huge racket when you had to leave eventually. So far, so good - until Maomao decided to subsequently betray the one who had adopted her and be a gigantic (beep)block.

Only Eri believed him when he was complaining about how every time he tried to cuddle you, bam, Maomao was there to yowl and get in between. Wanna kiss? Um, no, Maomao just had to run into your legs and beg for head pats. Close the door and sleep without her? Nah, no, nope, she stayed outside wailing and scratching. Enjoy a movie night? Haha, Maomao thought not, so of course she tipped over the popcorn bowl on purpose, right?!

One time Hitoshi gave you a kitty plushy that resembled Maomao. The cat in question (jealously, he swore to the wide eyed Eri) stole it and it still hadn't been found; she took a dump right beside her litter box to be petty as well.

You ate it up. You succumbed to her cute, beseeching eyes to hug HER (and not him), let her get in the middle of you two on the couch (you even shooed him away to make room) and the audacity! You always complained if he took up most of the blanket you two were sharing, and when Maomao hogged up everything? You let her.

He couldn't believe how you utterly believed the cat's obviously jealous, possessive nature. The nerve of Maomao, to steal his girlfriend when he was the one to rescue her!

While Eri believed him completely, no matter how cute she was it wasn't going to give him much credibility.

Therefore, as Hitoshi suspiciously watched Maomao saunter out of his bedroom, he was going to come up with a plan to FINALLY get some long overdue kisses, dates and affection from you without Maomao interrupting.

STEP 1: Begin by showing the cat who's boss.

Hitoshi glared viciously at the creature who had first crawled in between you and him, therefore interrupting yet another cuddle session before demanding you to go get her some more treats as if he hadn't just fed her an hour ago. To top it off Maomao was now triumphantly meowing at him and pawing at the plushy you had gifted him.

“You're not getting that. You might have my own girlfriend wrapped around your paw but you and I know what you're REALLY like.” Hitoshi wondered if his mind control extended to animals, particularly the one now hissing at his reluctance to hand over the plushy.

“First you steal my girl and now you want my plush? That's low, even for you.” The cat's eyes widened innocently as Hiroshi's narrowed. “Let's not forget who rescued you from the streets, Mao. Or who's been changing your kitty litter, feeding you or bought you all those toys. Remember I'M the one paying for all your vet and grooming visits. So the least you can do is at least let me enjoy one movie night with my girlfriend, thanks, instead of hogging up everything.”

Huh. He didn't actually think that would work. Maomao looked disdainful but trotted away.

You reappeared, holding a bowl of popcorn and setting down a bowl of Maomao’s cat food. “Hey, where'd she go?”

“Somewhere.” Somewhere where she was probably throwing a tantrum, Hitoshi meant, but he grabbed you and managed to spend a pleasant two hours getting snuggled and teasing you about your overreactions to the movie.

Then Maomao jumped on him and spilt the leftover popcorn everywhere before walking off proudly.

STEP 2: Attempt to appease your feline by providing them with more affection, food and playtime. Your cat may simply be feeling left out.

In other words, bribery was his next method.

Bribery and spoiling, really. For the next three days Hitoshi did his utmost best - Maomao was fed nothing but her favourites, Hitoshi bought her a new toy which they spent countless hours playing with, he let her nap in his bed, Eri helped him pick out a new collar, blah blah blah. Everyone absolutely showered Maomao with attention and affection. So far she seemed very pleased with herself, strutting her around with her tail swishing and purring loudly for all to hear.

Surely, surely, she wouldn't mess with the study session you and him were going to have, right? Right?

Hitoshi was beginning to believe that as time passed; the both of your heads were bent forward, trying to make sense of maths. The click of pens, the flipping of pages, the crunch of your third bag of chips were the only sounds around. He wasn't worried about Maomao’s silence either - she couldn't possibly be causing trouble while sleeping in a patch of sunlight.

“I think we did a pretty good job, ‘Toshi.” You stretched your arms, yawning exaggeratedly. “Not to be lazy but I really want a snack. Something grape flavoured.”

Hitoshi raised his eyebrows, lifting his eyes away from his essay. “No.”

“Oh come on, don't act like you're not hungry, I heard your stomach growling-”

“No as in I know exactly what “snack” you want. Enough eating those grape gummies. You're addicted.”

“Hitoshi!” You whined. “Stop outing me!”

In the end you both compromised with a bag of sour cream chips each, no sharing. Well, no sharing from your end, really - Hitoshi gave in with a sigh as you leaned towards him with puppy dog eyes when your bag empties, feeding you the chips. Maomao awakens and decides to drop by, meowing for the crumbs as well. Hitoshi shoos her away from his books, informing her she’s already eaten and he wasn’t even sure if cats could eat sour cream. Maomao sulks when he gives the chip she wanted to you instead.

But it turns out it’s Hitoshi that’s left sulking as Maomao leaps onto the table and knocks over his coffee all over the desk and steals the chips. While he won’t admit it to you or Maomao or anyone - yes he’s concerned about the sour cream thing and wasted half an hour researching if his stupid cat was going to be okay.

STEP 3: If that fails try asking someone else to care for your cat while you both are away.

“Don’t forget to feed Maomao, she’s not supposed to have-”

“Hitoshiiii! I know!” Eri makes a face, hugging the cat close to her chest as she rolls her eyes and pouts. “Trust me, Maomao’s my cat as well!”

“Yeah, but you’re still taking her to your friend’s house, so I don’t want anyone getting into trouble.”

“Quit being a worrywart! Go have fun with your loooooooover!”

“You know what, the faster you leave, the happier I’ll be,” Hitoshi grumbled, pushing Eri out of the door gently to where Aizawa was waiting impatiently. “Shoo, homewrecker.”

“Bye, Hitoshi!”

“Good riddance.” He gives her a side hug anyway. Maomao hisses, annoyed she was being forced to leave. Hitoshi paid her no mind, seeing as she had been throwing hissy fits all day as if she knew you were coming and Maomao wouldn't be around.

You come over soon, exclaiming over the loss of his cat’s company, but you get over it quickly. You both have the house to yourself, after all, and the freedom to do whatever you wanted until Aizawa came back. Hitoshi's guardian needn't have been suspicious of you both getting up to no good however; you both wound up wasting most of your time making dinner - a shockingly complicated recipe you had insisted on.

“I'll bring the ingredients, you don't have to worry about anything!”

Pfft, yeah right, now he has to worry about the mess you’re - fine, you both are - making in the kitchen. The floor’s all wet, the sink is overflowing, it’s a literal water park. The recipe wasn’t even halfway done yet.

“You know what, I’m going to get a mop, you can continue with - whatever it is you’re doing.” Hitoshi pinches the bridge of his nose in mock exasperation. You roll your eyes but agree, huffing as you push your sleeves back again.

“By the way, where’s Maomao?”

“Eri took her to a sleepover. Didn’t think she liked that idea much though.”

“Real! Maomao only ever wants to be with you,” you laughed.

“Nah, more like you,” Hitoshi grumbled. “She’s never happy when she’s not there and you are.”

“Mhm, you’re-” You’re cut off by Hitoshi’s unexpected yelp and the clanging coming from the bathroom where he’s gone to go fetch the mop. Dropping whatever you’re holding you rush over there in a panic. “Toshi! Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, that stupid cat took a shit here!”

“Isn’t she toilet trained? Did you step on- Oh god. You stepped on it.”

“Stop laughing at me!”

Even gone the blasted cat still managed to ruin a date. Hitoshi fumed silently.

STEP 4: Still unsuccessful? Try giving them a new friend, as they might be acting out from loneliness.

This particular method, unfortunately, quickly backfired on him.

“Aw look! They’re playing together, Jirou!”

“Huh, didn’t think Sora was capable of playing gently. She nearly gave Kaminari a heart attack jumping at him the other day.”

“Hey! Jirooooouuuuuu!”

“No, wait, Maomao, don’t do that!”

“Sora stop barking so loudly-”

Hitoshi’s overly exaggerated groan is barely heard over the din. His head lolled back, staring up at the sky. “Are we biking or not at this rate?”

Not that anyone heard him. You’re too preoccupied with cooing over Maomao, Jirou and her boyfriend Kaminari Denki trying to get their new puppy to stop eating rocks. It was supposed to be a biking-trip-at-the-park-double-date, for heaven’s sake, how did it spiral into this?

Maomao pawed at his leg. Hitoshi tilted his head back forward to glare half-heartedly at her. “You’re lucky you’re so cute. It’s your fault again.”

He’s even more offended when Maomao opts to sit in YOUR bicycle basket rather than his. Denki’s - traitorous friend that he is - snickering at him before Sora pees on his shoe.

STEP 5: As a last resort, consider punishing the kitten. Do not give them attention in any way. It is called the time out corner for a reason.

“Where’s Maomao?”

“Pay no attention to her.” Hitoshi burrowed deeper into your neck, his tone a request. “She’s being punished right now.”

“…for what?”

“A lot of things.”

“Like?”

“….every time you come she steals your attention. Just let me enjoy this.” Hitoshi’s voice holds the smallest hint of a whine. You mentally stored that away. “She was meowing at the door waiting for you at 3 in the morning!”

You twirl a strand of his purple hair, barely hiding your smirk. Ah, so all along…”Is that bad your cat loves me more than she loves you?”

“I adopted her!”

“Oh my god. You really are jealous of your cat.” You couldn’t help it. You collapsed on your side, crying with mirth. Hitoshi sits up straight, insulted, taking a cushion off the couch to smack you with.

“Stop that! I’m not!”

“Say that again; you’re not even convincing yourself!” Oh god, this made so much sense. You wiped at your streaming eyes, coughing up the last of the laughter. “No wonder you were - I can’t - this is too funny - I thought you were acting a little weird the past fortnight - oh my god -”

“Fine, fine, stop laughing! I was jealous! There, I said it, you happy?”

“But why?” You fondly pulled your dumbass of a boyfriend closer, squishing his cheek. Even sulky he was still cute.

“She keeps interrupting our dates.” Hitoshi’s voice is already muffled by your clothes but his muttering makes it worse.

“…”

“No.”

“….”

“STOP LAUGHING!”

“In all seriousness, Toshi, you could’ve just told me. We’ll remake all the dates without Maomao this time, alright? Swear on my life.” You even hold up a pinky.

His own grudgingly raises and locks it around yours.

“You can let Maomao out of punishment now.”

“Eh, no. She’s actually there because she scratched Aizawa’s car today.”

Alternatively, you could always just tell your girlfriend you’re jealous of the cat because the cat’s jealous of you both. She will immediately rush to reassure you and provide you with the much-craved, long-awaited affection you both had been denied by the cat.

Side effects, however, include providing her and everyone else with enough ammunition to tease you with for the next decade.

“Wait, Hitoshi was jealous of a cat?” Denki’s practically howling. Jirou sniggers quietly. “Does this mean he’s a pus-”

“Stop talking.”

Jirou nods appreciatively. “Now I wish i had mind control when it comes to this idiot.”

#Sunny's Works #hitoshi shinsou x y/n #hitoshi shinsou x reader #hitoshi shinsou x you #mha x reader #shinsou x reader #shinsou x you #shinsou x y/n #this might be my last work in a while because i've got exams coming up #goodbye world it's the end

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starhrtz · 2 years ago

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𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒.

desc. finding cat poop or mice at your front door on a daily basis was starting to annoy you, and it all started because of your new neighbour.

note. i got this idea when my friend said she stepped on cat poop on her way to school LMFAO.

It didn't take you long to figure the culprit of all the cat litter that has been recently showing up at your doorstep, not to mention a bunch of dead mice were near your shoes too! But, why did the culprit's owner have to be so attractive!

CAT_OWNER!KAZUHA who immediately apologises repeatedly but he did noticed how you were stunned, did his cat really messed up this badly that no matter how much he apologised your just keeping quiet and just staring at him? When in fact, you were just stunned by how beautiful he was?! How can such a attractive yet well mannered person have such a mischievous cat?

"im really sorry on behalf of Tomo jr.. I'll go pick the litter right now! How about you rest first in my home while i go pick up the litter? I just cooked lunch for myself but I wouldn't mind sharing it with you... I mean! Just as one of my ways to try and make it up to you!"

CAT_OWNER!SCARAMOUCHE who just sighs and rolls his eyes, it's not the first time his cat did this well at least the cat didn't pee at your front door unlike his old unfortunate neighbour. Scaramouche's cat probably took mercy on you or at least that's what he thinks. All Scara did was slightly apologise but it held a little sincerity unlike his past apologies to stuff like this.

"sorry about him, he's reckless, i'll try my best to keep him in my home so he doesn't disturb your peace but... You're not going to report me right? I'd hate to lose my chance with you.. The rent is quite cheap so I'd hate to lose a place like this."

CAT_OWNER!XIAO who was wondering why his cat wasn't pooping in his litter box or anywhere on his property, he even had to see a vet thinking his cat head pooping problems! When he returned home from work, he caught his own cat in the act of leaving mice on your front door and immediately wrote a letter of apology to you since he... Isn't the best in conversations.

"sorry about the mice on your front door... On behalf of my cat im sincerely sorry, it isn't like my cat to litter or leave mice on someone's door but I hope you'd at least still talk to me i do not wish for any tension between us. Please do knock on my door once you read this. (ps. I already cleared all the mice that was on your door.

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thenweatefivesoups · 2 months ago

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I would like to take a moment to talk about a Dog Man character.

This character is super popular. Some people hate this character with a passion. Some people think this character is adorable. Not many people think this character is very deep.

But I do, and I'd like to talk about him for a second.

Think you have a guess?

It's Li'l Petey.

You may not agree with me. After all, he's the kid-appeal character who loves poop jokes and diarrhea punchlines just for the fun of it. "He can't possibly be that deep!", you say.

But consider how he came into existence: cloned from the (so-called) world's most evilest cat, created to do nothing but heinous acts, and when he didn't fulfill that purpose and instead acted like himself, he was abandoned.

Not even a day old, and not only did he get abandoned by his only caretaker, he eventually found the strength somewhere to forgive him. And not only that, but claim that this caretaker is, quote "easy to love".

It takes a ton of compassion, a truckload of love, to forgive something as traumatic as that. And later, in Grime and Punishment, Li'l Petey encourages Petey to do the same to his father. Make no mistake, this is not because Grampa deserves it; rather, it's because resentment, as Carrie Fisher once put it, "is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

While Li'l Petey forgives those who did wrong to him, he does not redeem everyone. Sure, he reformed Flippy, Molly, and Petey, and attempted to do it to Piggy, but my main point is that he stopped trying to reform Grampa. He talks to him in For Whom the Ball Rolls about love being an action in addition to a feeling:

And then he visits Cat Jail in Fetch-22, thinking Grampa's changed. After all, if the most cold-hearted villains (Petey, Flippy) had good hearts deep down, couldn't his Grampa have one too?

But after the eighth book, other than a brief "good night" in Grime and Punishment, Li'l Petey completely stops interacting with Grampa. He doesn't even say a word to him in Big Jim Begins, despite the fact that they crossed paths multiple times. Why is that?

Because when they went to Cat Jail, he was tricked, knocked out, and the next thing he knew, he was waking up in a recycling bin.

You've gotta wonder if this gave him flashbacks. To when his life was hard, and filled with fright, after he suddenly became an unloved orphan. At the very least, this would have spooked him, especially since he ran home (this kid's a pigeon I'm telling you) and saw Grampa disguised as Petey, but no sign of his Papa.

The last thing I want to talk about is character development. Yes, even if it isn't as obvious as Petey or Chief, he did have some growth beyond what was mentioned earlier. Certainly more than Dog Man did (ha).

Initially, Li'l Petey constantly keeps his head in the clouds; Petey points this out in For Whom The Ball Rolls. He's a driving force of optimism and compassion, which sets him apart from other goofy kid characters, especially Molly. (I should right an essay about that too)

But Li'l Petey is kind to a fault. He invites his grandfather to his house to make his Papa feel better, and their house is trashed and eventually robbed. He convinces his Papa to visit him, thinking he can change just like those he reformed did, and they both got drugged. He leaves the house to save the world, and his Grampa leaves to end it. Ultimately, the end of Fetch-22 is when Li'l Petey finally stopped trying to redeem Grampa, instead opting to forgive him and move on.

In Grime and Punishment, Petey asks if he only fights when he's face-to-face with pure evil. Initially, Li'l Petey doesn't respond. But guess what happened three books later?

He did encounter pure evil. And obliterated it.

Contrary to popular belief, he's not always a pacifist; he's learned when to fight and when to use love over the course of the story. That kind of growth is very subtle and very underrated.

And that concludes my analysis on a Dog Man character who many find "annoying" and "pointless". And as this supposedly annoying, pointless character always says:

#dog man #dog man 2025 #character analysis #long post #petey #li'l petey #lil petey #dogman #think of this as the longer version of the main characters parody from a while back #can you tell I went through the cu subreddit again 🙄#also I'm specifically talking about the books not the movie #haven't seen the movie yet but maybe he's portrayed differently there #anyway enough rambling

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xagave · 1 year ago

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Absolutely, get ready for BABIES. The oldest foster we have right now is Lazarus who we got when he was 3 months old from a hoarding case. He had an extremely bad case of herpes that almost killed him and it turns out he has a really bad immune system so he's always getting sick. He's about 8 months old now and he's sort of a long term foster because he currently has FIP and treatment requires one shot every day for 80 days minimum. The meds are a bit expensive so shameless plug but if anyone wants to help us pay for the meds my wife's ko-fi is here

Here he is the day we brought Lazarus home ^

And here he is now! His FIP treatment is going very well so far ^ Our second oldest are Penny and Kazoo. We got Penny when she was 5 weeks old from a guy whose dog brought her home in his mouth (she was fine the dog was gentle.) We got Kazoo when he was 10 days old from some dudes in the next town over who didn't have time to bottlefeed a newborn. Kazoo is 2 weeks older than Penny and they became best friends!!

10 day old Kazoo and 5 week old Penny ^

Kazoo and Penny now ^

Kazoo and Penny at an adoption event ^ We're having a hard time finding them a home because we refuse to split up bonded pairs

Penny playing in the tub lol ^ Next are a batch of kittens we got from an irresponsible breeder who was fine with letting kittens get sick and starve to death. We originally only got 2 of them when they were 3 days old (breeder let mom cat get sick and die because she didn't want to pay for vet care and tried to pawn the babies off on the other nursing moms and it didn't work out) and they were born premature so they had a lot of health problems. They had rhinovirus and coccidia and the little brown kitten had an umbilical hernia that then became septic and THEN she started getting big pockets of infection in random places like under her chin and in her toes? But we managed to get them healthy and fat and thriving. My wife was able to convince the breeder to give us the remaining kittens 3 days ago and they're half the size of our first two because they've been sick and slowly starving this entire time (they're now 5 weeks old). They're still really sick and have Poop Liquid Until You Die disease so it's not fun on our end but we're working hard on getting them fat and healthy. They don't really have official names but we've been calling them Zoosmell Pooplord, Insufferable Prick, Flighty Broad, Farmstink Butlass, and Huss lol

The first two nuggets ^

They were sooooooo small ^

Finally fat and healthy at 3 weeks old! ^

The full litter now at 5 and a half weeks old ^

Comparison pic ^. Right kitten is the nugget we've had since he was 3 days old and left kitten is his brother who the breeder just now let us take. It's hard to tell with the fluff but he's borderline skeletal :( Next is a 3 month old kitten that a foster brought to an adoption event who was very clearly sick. Skinny and lethargic with a bad coccidia infection so we took him home that day 1.5 weeks ago and also sent the foster person home with some medicine to fix the coccidia in their other kittens. We've been calling him Christmas Tree Boy cause he's always got a poofy tail or Poop Boy because he hates sharing litter boxes and keeps pooping in random corners 😒 Didn't take long to get him healthy so this weekend he's getting yeeted into another adoption event and whoever adopts him needs to give special attention to his Litter Box Needs

^ He's very cute and loves playing with our other fosters but for the love of god we are TIRED of his Poop Surprises Someone who adopted a bonded trio from us a few months ago is returning them to us tomorrow because their fiance is allergic, so as of tomorrow we will have 12 fosters in our house. Sounds like a lot but we've had 30+ foster kittens crammed in here at the same time so it's a breath of fresh air in comparison💀

Edit: Not a foster kitten but honorable mention to my new betta who I named Gemini because You Know Why

He has a 5 gallon tank all to himself but I don't have a pic of him in it cause he's shy and he hides lol but it's the one behind the cup. Aiming to give him live plants soon

#p #peak kitten season is hell on earth this is NOTHING in comparison

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thisonesock · 1 year ago

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Headcanons for Lucifer and his animal forms

When he’s sad or has a bad mental health day he likes to go in his snake form and hiding in tight spots, curling himself together

Occasionally he takes a poop on Alastors shoulder in his bird form

Charlie loved to ride on him in his horse form when she was a child. He sometimes offers that to her in the present as well

He likes to fly as a bird around in the pride ring. Hardly anyone recognizes him that way and he gets out of the house without being noticed

Sometimes he transforms into a deer and just lurks around Alastor, far enough away so the demon spots him and recognizes him, but can’t actually reach him (Alastor sitting in his radio tower, looking down and see a fucking deer on the other side on the street)

When he has a meltdown in public he transforms into a mouse or something small to hide in Charlie’s pockets or in her hair

He can transform into a fly. Remember that one annoying fly in your bedroom when you try to sleep, always flying near your ear? That’s him! (can totally see him wrecking Alastor that way)

Lucifer transforming into something big like a bear, just to bitchslap Alastor someone

He transforms into a duck and hides between his rubber ducks

Hide and Seek with Lucifer sucks

Once he transformed into a cat, but since KeeKee got wrong ideas about that, he never did it again and never mentioned it again

He transformed into a pig to get a deeper connection with fat nuggets

#hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #rubber duckie bro #headcanon #shapeshifter #animals #lucifer protection squad #alastor #Charlie #fat nuggets #keekee #want to see more of his shapeshifting in the second season

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mywons · 2 years ago

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❛ texts with boyfriend!jay.

▸ ִֶָ tags [ boyfriend ] jongseong x fem!reader, fluff + mentions of other members—heeseung, jake, niki + use of many petnames ( my girl, baby, honey, light of my life, angel ) + humor + dates. warnings! && mentions of cat poop 💀, cursing ✿ 0.3k words —

## HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT !

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thebawdybaldurian · 6 months ago

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Kinktober Day Five: Rutting/Heat

Went a little long with this one but I love nothing more than primal Halsin giving it to his spouses. A little bonus teasing at a new pairing as well, Tav’s mother Saera and a much young tiefling. Lightly proof read and may be missing a few content tags 🐻

Content and Warnings: oral sex, primal sex, anal sex, breeding kink, cum talk, outdoor sex, predator/prey, rutting/heat cycles, mild piss kink, brief mentions of vomit and excrement, PIV sex, knotting, partial wild shape sex.

Pairings: Astarion x Halsin, Halsin and Femme Tav solo, Tav x Halsin

Tav was trying to mend her relationship with her mother by accompanying her from Baldur’s Gate to Reithwin, where she would finally be moving to.The wizard, Rolan had generously offered some of the furnishings from Ramazith Tower to Saera, considering that they’d already made love atop most of it. Tav had only agreed to the trip if her mother and new young lover kept the public displays of affection to an absolute minimum. That promise didn’t last long, as they began making out in the front seat of the wagon before they even got to Rivington. Tav lay reclined on one of the couches in the back, still hiding her early pregnancy from her mother for the moment.

Tav could hear their giggles and whispers even above the rumble of the wagon and tried to plug her ears, until they hit a large bump in the road that nearly made her retch from her morning sickness. “Just because an Unseen Servant can drive a wagon, doesn’t mean that it should!” Tav yelled, leaning over the back of the wagon, preparing to see her breakfast again. “Can’t you keep your eyes off one another for more than two seconds?!”

“Sorry, dear!” Saera called back, banishing the servant and taking the reins again. “Rolan and I…were just both looking at the map.

“Mapping each other’s mouths, more like it,” Tav muttered, conquering her nausea for a moment, before one of the oxen left a mudpie in its wake. She hurled over the back of the wagon, leaving a pile of scrambled eggs and toast to accompany the pie.

“Are you sick, Clataedre?” Saera called back again.

“It’s just…motion sickness,” Tav lied, rinsing her mouth with a water flask. “I’ll get used to it.”

“I’m sure Rolan can make you a tincture or something?”

“Halsin gave me something, but it makes me sleepy…and I don’t trust you two not to careen this thing off a cliff with the way you carry on.”

Rolan said something that made her mother giggle and their lips began smacking loudly again, though they managed to keep an eye out for bumps.

Back at home, Halsin and Astarion were managing the twins by themselves, currently in the throes of privy training the toddlers. Shan kept attempting to poop outside and bury his waste like Wisp the cat did and Ava insisted on being carried to and fro her elegantly carved potty chair. “Gods, I miss not having to deal with shit,” Astarion sighed, holding his nose as he dumped the contents of Ava’s chair into the regular toilet. “Sure, the liquid diet was bland…but…the smell,” he gagged.

“I’m still amazed at the things that can come out of that little girl,” Halsin laughed, druidcrafting some heavily-scented flowers.

“Thank you, darling,” Astarion smirked at Halsin as he tickled them under his nose. “How do you think our own rose is fairing on the road without us?”

“I’m sure her and her mother are already arguing about something,” Halsin replied, giving Astarion a long kiss. “Mmmmm,” he growled, letting his tongue linger in Astarion’s mouth longer than usual. “You taste good this afternoon.”

He kissed down Astarion’s neck, nuzzling into the lacing of his undershirt. “You smell good too…”

“Settle down, Daddy Bear, the kids are still awake,” Astarion purred, hearing the hunger in Halsin’s voice.

“But due for a nap soon,” Halsin replied, giving his ass a tight squeeze.

This pregnancy was his turn at having sympathy symptoms, which included an increased libido. With Tav away from the house for a few days, Astarion was hoping Halsin could be contained to only a few ruts per day. “Shall we employ the cottage again this time?” Astarion asked, wondering what Halsin was in the mood for.

“If we can make it that far,” Halsin bit his lip, nipping Astarion’s ear lobe. “I need you…as soon as possible…”

“Kids…I think it is time for your afternoon nap!” Astarion announced, gently nudging Halsin away before he became prematurely aroused. “Daddy Bear is going to work in the garden a little to let off some steam, so I’ll come read you a story.”

“I want mommy to weed us a stowy!” Ava pouted, already missing her mother’s presence.

“Mommy isn’t here, princess, so you will have to make due without the shadow puppets and funny voices,” Astarion sighed, giving Halsin a wink.

“She’ll be back soon, we promise,” Halsin headed towards the door to the garden. “Though possibly not soon enough,” he said quietly to himself.

Halsin let out a hungry growl as he walked across the path to the cottage, feeling the beast inside clawing to get out. He began to strip, letting the sun shine on his bare skin, which became a bit hairier. He splayed his body out across the large, flat boulder that they occasionally ate around, the morning sun making it nice and warm to lay across. He began clawing at his body, needing the sensation of touch to tide him over. He grunted lowly as his hands fumbled around his groin, rubbing himself stiff with loud pants from his throat. He began to stroke himself with his own sweat, the heat of his desires growing warmer by the second. Astarion found him in such a state after getting the twins to sleep. Halsin was tightly gripping his cock as he edged pre-cum out of it. “Already getting a head start, are we?” Astarion grinned, taking his time sauntering over. “You are insatiable.”

“Come here,” Halsin growled, sitting up and pulling Astarion close. He ripped open Astarion’s trousers with his teeth, licking across his cock as soon as he could reach it.

“Dear Gods, druid…slow down,” Astarion gasped, taking a handful of Halsin’s hair between his fingers. “We…have an hour…ahhh!” He moaned as Halsin took his still soft cock in his mouth.

“You taste like Clataedre,” Halsin looked up at Astarion, the primal golden glow in his eyes flashing.

“We…uhhnnnn…made love this morning…mmmmm…before she left…ahhh, too much teeth, darling…” Astarion whimpered, rapidly growing stiff in Halsin’s mouth.

“When?” Halsin bellowed, spinning Astarion around so he could eat his asshole.

“When you…were in the…ahhhh…bath…after you…tasted her for nearly an hour…”

“She’s ripe…fruiting…I needed it…” Halsin tongued Astarion’s asshole with a heavy, hot breath, reaching around to stroke him.

“Mmmmhhhh…I thought maybe that would…tide you over for a bit…but clearly I was…gods…Halsin…” Astarion moaned, Halsin’s firm tongue creeping up his hole a little.

“I fear I might need to use other means to satisfy myself…so I don’t wear you out,” Halsin slicked his fingers with pre-cum and slipped a few fingers up Astarion’s ass.

“Ahhhh…this is…really poor timing by Tav,” Astarion huffed, spreading his cheeks wider as Halsin fingered his ass, his mouth still licking and biting Astarion’s smooth backside. “You’re sure you want to stay out here to do this…the neighbors will hear?”

“They’ll be hearing much worse once Clataedre starts to show,” Halsin growled, pulling Astarion back slightly as he lay himself back across the boulder. “ I need you, my heart…but I don’t want to hurt you…so you better control the pace,” he slicked his cock with more pre-cum, ready for Astarion to mount him.

“You are buying me new pants, by the way,” Astarion grinned, licking his lips and slipping his trousers all the way off. “I’m not even going to bother mending them.”

“I could switch you to Druid’s robes, so I need only lift them up,” Halsin panted, stroking his cock to get more pre-cum.

“Now that is an idea…” Astarion straddled him, teasing Halsin’s cock against his tight hole. “Fashionable and fuckable robes by Astarion Ancunin.”

“You can design once we are done. I want you to come straight in my mouth,” Halsin groaned, Astarion sinking slowly around his cock. He gripped Astarion’s shaft, stroking him gently as he continued being engulfed by Astarion’s wet hole.

“Mmmmm you feel…good enough that I might not have control of where it goes,” Astarion grunted as he filled himself completely with Halsin’s thick length.

He rode Halsin slowly at first, letting him spill more pre-cum inside him to make things even more slick. Halsin began bucking his hips with him, still stroking along Astarion’s shaft, but begging for a faster pace. “Now…” Astarion huffed, bouncing quicker on his shaft. “Don’t you dare knot it me…the kids won’t be asleep for long.”

“I don’t…uhhhhnnnfff…always have control…and you feel…ready to be bred…” Halsin growled, bucking his hips faster. He hunched forward, taking Astarion’s cock in his mouth and sucking hard on it.

“Uhnnnn fuck…Halsin,” Astarion groaned, taking a tight handful of his hair in his fingers again. “I need to…ahhhh…get back to work…eventually…and be…fuck…able to walk.”

Halsin looked up at him with a hungry, but obedient nod, focusing part of his attention on staying unknotted. Astarion rode him faster as Halsin sucked hard on his tip, finally sputtering into his mouth with a desperate shout that sent a nearby family of crows scattering to the sky.

As good as Astarion felt, Halsin knew there was only one remedy for his insatiable rut and she was somewhere on the road to Reithwin. Astarion continued riding him, giving his prostate a healthy workout. Halsin had to pull out eventually, unable to keep the bulb from swelling out of the base of his cock. “Ahhhh…look at you…” Astarion cooed, reaching down to start stroking Halsin with his hand. “You’re in a proper rut, aren’t you big bear?”

“Blame our…beautiful wife and her…ummmmffphhh…fertile hips,” Halsin bellowed, his canines growing sharper. “I need to find her…mate with her again and again…”

“I suppose I can ask my mother to come help with the children for a few days,” Astarion grinned, stroking him tight and fast. He slid back onto Halsin’s thighs, not wanting him to erupt up the back of his shirt and into his hair. He cupped the bulbous, red knot in his other hand, the throbbing flesh even hotter than Halsin normally was. “This might be your biggest one yet, bear,” Astarion teased, seeing Halsin’s stomach clench as he prepared to climax. The thick spurts of cum shot at least a foot into the air, smattering back down across Halsin’s torso and the boulder. Astarion milked every last drop out, leaving Halsin panting and covered in his own cum.

“Mmmmmm…thank you, my heart,” Halsin let out a heavy sigh, glancing down at the mess he’d made of himself. “I might still be able to catch her tonight if I’m lucky.”

“Just be mindful that she’s with her mother,” Astarion leaned down to kiss him. “Don’t give the old woman a heart attack with your wild mating. Tav doesn’t need to lose both her parents in the same year.”

“I make no promises for my desires,” Halsin grinned. “Do you want me to bring you some new pants before I set off?”

“I think I have some in the cottage,” Astarion climbed off the stone with a groan. “Go easy on our little love. She may be just as horny as you, but she’s in a delicate state.”

“I will,” Halsin replied, sitting up to receive a goodbye kiss. “See you in a few days…good luck.”

Halsin shifted into his hawk wild shape, leaving the garden with a loud trill as Astarion went to get cleaned up and changed before the children woke up from their nap. Halsin soared above the city, heading straight towards Wyrm’s Crossing and the eastern road towards Reithwin. The sun was still bright, so he had plenty of daylight to try to find the wagon along the road. He made a quick stop along the river, diving towards the water before shifting into an otter and riding the slow current. He shifted back into his elven form, cleaning himself up in the water and letting the cold chill his loins for a bit as he swam. He continued his search in wolf form, trying to determine if they’d taken the safer Risen Road or the shorter trail with a much rougher ride. He thought he caught a hint of Tav’s scent towards the Risen Road and began to follow it with a slavering jaw. His desire was already growing and when he found the spot where they’d stopped to rest and relieve themselves, he found himself fully aroused again at the smell of her piss. He nuzzled it hungrily, chuffing at the faint bit of her own arousal that her stream had washed into the puddle. She was in a heat as well and he knew that when he found her, she’d be slick and waiting for him.

Even with the proposition of her warm embrace closer at hand, he was forced to shift back into his elven form. His cock was red and throbbing, his need to rut too much to overcome. He fucked his hand urgently, fingering his asshole as well to get him off quickly. “Clataedre,” he growled, spending into the pile of leaves she’d left her scent in. He clawed the tree after, letting the animals in the area know that a true beast stalked about. He returned to his hunt in hawk form, needing to find her a soon as possible.

Tav had taken over driving duties once her stomach settled, her mother and Rolan retreating into the back of the wagon for more kissing and fondling. They switched back after they had stopped for lunch and relieved themselves, Tav already longing for home and the comfort of her two husbands. As she dabbed herself dry after a long piss, she found her hand lingering there, her lips wet with more than her bladder contents. “I should have taken one of them along with us,” she thought to herself, biting deeply into her lip as she rubbed her palm against her clit.

She shifted the bunched up fabric of her dress from her waist to her teeth, both to muffle her moans and allow her to press her other hand against herself as well. She rolled her hips hungrily against her palm, moaning quietly into her dress with her panties still around her ankles. It was a desperate climax that was over quickly, after which she pulled up her panties and returned back to the road. “You look a little flushed, dear,” Saera noted, Tav’s cheeks beautifully rosy.

“I’m just a little tired,” Tav replied, a nap sounding like a wonderful idea after her quick orgasm. “I might nod off for an hour or two in the back.”

“Alright,” Saera nodded, climbing up into the front of the wagon with Rolan’s help. “We’ll try to avoid the bumps for you.”

They continued on down the Risen Road just as the sun began to creep towards setting in the west. Tav nodded off quickly, the relief of her climax and the warmth of the covered wagon lulling her to her trance.

Halsin spotted the wagon from afar, one of the few covered with a cloth to keep the dust of the road off the furniture. He circled overhead, seeing Saera and Rolan in the front and figured Tav must be in the back. He swooped down low and onto the cloth roof, catching a curious moan in his ear. “Ohhh Saera,” Rolan moaned quietly. “What if your daughter hears us?”

“She would have said something by now if she was awake,” Saera whispered quietly, a loud sucking sound following after.

Halsin teetered to the front edge of the roof, peeking over to find Tav’s mother giving Rolan a blow job as he drove the wagon. Rolan’s tail was up her dress and they both appeared to be enjoying themselves. Halsin took flight from the roof, startling them for a moment before they resumed their respective duties. He circled the wagon a few times before landing on the back gate, carefully peeking his head through the canvas.

Tav was asleep on her back, one hand above her head, tangled in the mess of her hair and the other cradling her stomach. She would be starting to show any day now and the thought of it made Halsin’s feathers ruffle. He quietly jumped down into the bed of the wagon and hopped onto the couch where Tav slept. She was covered in a thin dew of sweat, the heat of the sun making the inside of the wagon quite toasty. He used his beak to lift the hem of her dress slightly, letting his thin tongue taste a bit of the sweat on her calf. She stirred a little, letting out a quiet moan that made his cloaca throb. He knew that he needed to have her, but taking her in the wagon would be loud and possibly break the axels. He lifted her dress a little more, peeking his feathered head under it. He could smell the scent of her, mixed with her sweat. She’d come recently and was still slick, her panties bunched slightly to one side.

He shifted back to his elven form almost instantaneously, covering her mouth to hide the startled cry in her throat. He peeked his head out from under her dress with a hungry grin, putting his other hand to his lips to tell her to remain silent. “I need you,” he whispered in her ear, his breath hotter than even the wagon air. “Tell me where I can take you…”

“Right here,” she let out a quiet whimper into his ear, tonguing it after. “Fuck me right here.”

“What about them?” He whispered back, slipping a hand up her dress.

Rolan’s huffing moans were audible over the rumble of the wagon, urging Saera to keep going. Tav rolled her eyes, but smiled up at him, casting a spell with her hands. A shimmering bubble surrounded the couch, leaving them in total silence. “We should be safe to talk now,” Tav grinned, pulling his hand further up her dress. “This was supposed to be a surprise for after I got back,” she shuddered, his fingers instantly probing deep inside her.

“What is this?” Halsin glanced up at the bubble, pushing Tav’s dress up to her waist as he continued to finger her.

“Something of Syma’s invention,” Tav replied, lifting her hips so he could slip her panties completely off. “It’s like a reverse silence spell. All sound is contained in here. We can be as loud as we want and those two asshole will never hear a thing.”

“Really?�� Halsin grinned, taking a long, slow lick between her labia.

“Why do you think we never heard Gale and Syma after Astarion’s little incident with the Dispel Magic prank?”

“This could be very dangerous,” he growled, nipping one of her lips between his teeth.

“Precisely why I had her teach it to me…”

He kissed up her body, licking up beads of sweat as he pulled her dress over her head. “I apologize for what you might hear, little one,” he nuzzled Tav’s belly, speaking to the acorn growing inside her.

“Put another one in me,” Tav begged, pulling him between her thighs. “I need you breed me so badly.”

“I know my love, that’s why I came,” he moaned, easing into the slick warmth of her canal. “I already bred Astarion after you left…but I needed my rose…my garden…”

“I…mmmmm…hope you weren’t too rough with him?” She moaned, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. “He hasn’t seen as much of this side of you as I have.”

“I seeded the garden with him,” Halsin huffed, his thrusts deep and slow for the moment.

“Ohhhh,” she whined, taking a firm grip on his ass. “I thought we’d be the first to fuck in the garden.”

“I think it’s a fair trade for watching the children for a few days…I’m sure with his parents’ help.”

“A few days?” She grinned, pulling him closer.

“I won’t be satisfied with one rut,” he grinned back, digging his heels into the couch so he could thrust harder.

They fucked hungrily in a heavy sweat, the velvet couch dampened under their bodies. They moaned and cried as loudly as they needed, Tav’s legs contorting as he took her at several different angles on the couch. He left several dark bite marks on her shoulder as he took her from behind and she dug her nails into his back as she rode him, bouncing with each bump in the road. They ended in a tangle on their sides, their bodies pressed tightly together as she clenched his knot inside her. He captured her joyous climax in his mouth, kissing her hard as he erupted inside her. They lay breathless and in their own world, staring deeply into one another’s eyes. They were mated for life, whether or not they produced any more children after their third arrived.

They were cloaked in so much bliss, they didn’t even notice that the wagon had stopped, one of the wheels becoming wobbly from their vigorous love making. “For the love of Corellon, Clataedre!” Saera looked into the canvas cover, finding her daughter entangled completely nude with one of her husbands. They didn’t hear her exclamation, the bubble keeping all sound from their hips, that still slowly moved together, squeezing Halsin’s knot a little tighter.

Saera finally threw something at the bubble, dispelling it and filling the wagon with the wet smacks of their lips. “Clataedre! Have you no shame?!” Saera screeched, holding her hand up to the block the view of their naked bodies. The wagon reeked of sweat and sex and the couch they were on was throughly stained.

“What’s going on?” Rolan asked, peeking his head in. “Dear Gods!” He nearly passed out from shock, getting both a whiff and the full view of their naked bodies.

“I could ask you the same thing!” Tav glanced back at her mother, fumbling to find her dress to cover them up. It was too far to reach, so they were forced to remain uncovered and entangled. “Knee deep on the wagon seat while I napped!”

“Well…but…” Saera struggled to answer. “Get up and get dressed and then we can argue!”

“We can’t,” Tav grinned, nuzzling Halsin’s blushed cheeks. “We’re stuck like this for a while.”

“What do you mean stuck? Stuck to the couch? Which is throughly ruined, by the way?”

“Do you remember when our old dog, Sprinkle got out…and we found him stuck to that stray bitch in an alley…?”

“Oh my gods!” Saera looked horrified. “How?”

“I am a druid…and you daughter brings something wild out in me,” Halsin grinned. Saera shrieked, storming off away from the wagon in a huff.

“I think this will keep her from popping in unannounced from now on,” Tav grinned, giving his knot another tight squeeze. “I love you, my virile druid.”

“I love you, my fertile rose,” he tied even tighter to her, leaking a little more of his seed into her womb.

#halsin #halsin x tav #halsin silverbough #primal play #halsin smut #halsin x astarion

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kusakiguzen · 9 months ago

Text

PLEASE HELP CAT OWNERS😭😭

PLEASE TELL ME HOW I SHOULD STOP MY CAT FROM POOPING AND PEEING LITRALLY EVERYWHERE😭😭

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE HELPFUL. (they have a liter box and its cleaned everyday)

they are way to close to be sent to a shelter

PLEASE HELP

I forgot to mention i have 2 female cats

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keeira · 5 months ago

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Happy Halloween!

Hello, @sup-its-cat! Forgive my tardiness, some things came up last minute but I am here at last! I was your secret skeleton but surprisingly enough not the person who messaged you with asks haha! I hope you enjoy my attempt of messing your versions of the DCA and your Y/N into a little story ;v; let me know if you want to know what happens in the event but I'll have to revisit that if your interested. I am pooped T~T

Happy Spooky season! Here is gift c:

Bloodshot Eyes and Candy Lies

Word count: 2936

Formatting lost by tumblr :( Typo go brr

“Sun,” they whisper-shouted to Sun from the security desk, their giddy smile finding itself unable to contain the excited outburst, “come here when you can.”

The solar bot’s rays twitched, something they’ve picked up as acknowledgement from the bot when he’s unable to give them his attention. The kids were all but absorbed with finishing their snacks with a few wolfing them down in an attempt to get back to free play, much to Sun’s distaste. It never failed to make them snicker when the well fabled ‘no, no, no!” escaped their friends' voice box upon witnessing a kid shove an entire package of carrots into his mouth before tearing into the play structures at full speed. They kicked themselves out of their chair, leaving their phone on the desk before taking over supervision of the remaining children at the tables.

The world couldn’t convince them to trade this job. Even Ethan throwing up on their clothes three times in the same day couldn’t deter them! Okay, maybe they don’t wish for that event again, but the fact still stands that each kid gave them so much more to work for. Not to mention the biggest shared smile they cherished above all else. Sun approached with Caleb in hand, fingers coated in kiddie slobber as he clenched onto the remnants of barely chewed carrots.

“Are you sure you got all of those carrots,” they grinned watching the bot tap his hand over the trash can to dispose of the chunky, orange mush and only pausing for a moment to shoot them a dim-eyed look.

“Certain,” Sun’s voice sang, “I even checked the cheeks for stowaway sticks! Now if you could fetch him an additional package, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“You’re the boss, Sun man,” their finger guns were not responded to, however not unnoticed as yet another twang of sun rays was more than enough to snicker at.

Aside from having to sit and watch Caleb eat his carrot slowly, and Anne crying about wanting pears instead of apples, the rest of snack time went without incident. Most kids have turned and taken off into the play structures, the others occupying themselves with their crafts projects from the morning and wanting to create more of the activity Sun planned for them. They found themselves trailing outside the structures, keeping an eye on the eager kids playing hide and tag inside. It was a staple game the kids enjoyed, along with freeze tag of course.

“Well don’t keep me in suspense, friend,” Sun found a footfall beside them, his optics rapidly scanning the play area, “what did you need me for earlier?”

“Management agreed to the event,”

“They did?!” the attendant spared a momentary glance upon them before rapidly jerking his head towards the right to something they couldn’t have heard, “You always seem to impress, Storm Cloud.”

“What can I say,” their hand flew to their chest as they threw their head back, “I really am amazing, aren’t I Sunspot?”

“Annnnnd, it's all gone to that head of yours. When can we start planning?”

“Already ahead of you. I’ve got the ideas all written down from the other night with Moon. All I gotta do is plan everything and make sure it adheres to Fazbear standards and we’ll be trick or treating around the plex in no time.” They grinned as Sun’s rays spun with unspoken excitement, “I’ll have it done before the next naptime is even close to over."

And that they did, with Moon’s enthusiastic help of course. They would use the costume boxes in the theater to dress the kids into costumes before bringing them trick or treating around the pizzaplex with the other older kids. It would be a difficult ask to request management allow sun roam outside of the daycare boundaries but he would be their best eye on the younger kids. They even added that they could recruit a staff bot to be a line leader dressed with some sun ray headband they sold upstairs. And after a nap, the kids could have some of their candy and Halloween themed snacks for a kid-friendly Halloween movie. They would absolutely adore it! Not to mention the parents would be thrilled to hear their little kids still got to trick or treat on Halloween.

They submitted the email with Moon, the giddiness overtaking the pair in excited hushed whispers and theorizing how to set up the snack tables to host the assortment of snacks they would put together for the kids. A toddler girl sat up, catching Moon and their attention as the lunar bot all but gilded beside her within an instant. Her eyes were wide, welling up with fresh tears and choked cries as she clutched to Moon with all the strength her tiny hands could muster.

Nightmares tended to spike around this time of year, Sophie’s older brother the most likely culprit with his destructive ‘pranking’ habit. The lull of Moon’s voice box was hypnotic, something he shares only with the kids that wake up this way. He stroked her ruffled blonde hair away from her tears, murmuring about chasing away the evil monsters that scared her with a rhythmic rock of his body. It wasn’t long before his lullabic combined with the faint music of the daycare gently laid her back to the star-stream river of dreams and Moon returned to their side.

“Sophie’s brother has managed to convince her a monster was real,” the tone Moon held was somber, if not minorly aggravated, “and would eat her in her sleep.”

“Kids…” a bit of their mischievous flare ignited in the back of their mind, however the way Moon tensed up as another kid stirred kept their tongue in place, “can be real mean.”

“Her brother should know better.”

“I’m assuming you want me to tell the parents?”

“Every. Last. Detail.”

—

They hadn’t heard back from management that night, Nor did they get work back that weekend, but that was to be expected with their weekday work schedule. Sun had the kids playing with the assortment of board games the daycare had collected whilst they found themself locked in an intense game of charades with a group of older boys. Every buzz from their phone hidden in their pocket sent a rush of adrenaline down their spine. Their fingertips itched at the fabric of their pants and feet tapped in queasy anticipation. Any one of those notifications had to be an email from management. It had to be.

The group held them hostage, having them pretending to be all kinds of shit before the heavenly sound of Sun’s voice graced their eardrums. The kids filed the tables for snack time as they dove behind the security desk and fished their phone from their pocket. Messages, news, updates… Email! Fingers danced across the screen in excitement, the response from management flicking onto the screen in an instant.

Denied.

Plan lacking a clear budget, course of action, planning for supervision, schedule…

Their blood felt like ridged ice crystalized under their skin, growing sharper from the rising list of failed tasks management demanded. There was so much…

Please consult the Fazbear Rules and Guidelines handbook as well as the Event Coordination Handbook copied below. Revise this draft and submit by Friday evening at the latest. Any later submissions will not be accepted due to time constraints.

We appreciate your cooperation,

Eleanor Liza Cirby

Fazbear Entertainment Co.

Bitter was the taste of the spit that stung their mouth. Almost as much as the sting inside from the disappointment. Sure they didn’t dive entirely too deep into Fazbear guidelines outside what they knew, nor were they expecting work of this level to result from a small event. But this amount of miniscule detailing was insane. They could feel the hairs at the base of the neck prickle with the heat of resentment that boiled beneath their skin. Wasn’t planning these kinds of things their jobs? Aren’t they in these positions for exactly this thing?

They should have known better. Fazbear management always has some kind of bullshit hoops that affects everyone but themselves. The daycare children wouldn’t have their Halloween ruined by a greedy company. They dove into their chair pulling up both attachments from Eleanor. If she wants a perfect goal plan, she is gonna get one. And those kids were going to have the best fucking Halloween they could imagine. Suck, they’d finish it tonight just to spite them!

—

It's been two days since they started working on the Halloween event. Their eyes held deep violet wells beneath them, much to Moon’s dismay as he loomed over the computer screen, “you need to sleep. You don’t want to look like a raccoon, do you?”

“I can’t do this right now, Moon.” they mumbled, “this has to be done by Friday.”

The phrase ‘biting off more than you can chew’ was an understatement to the amount of work they uncovered when they first started. Management demanded perfection. In everything. They would finish a task only to review it and find at least eight things that break Fazbear code of conduct or policies. They hated it. God did they fucking hate it.

“You have more than enough time to sleep for a little bit. I have twenty minutes left of nap time and extra mats already set up. I’ll even give your grumpy self some candy before bed,” Moon sang in a teasing manner, grasping their wrist and lightly tugging it away from the keyboard.

“Cut it out!” They snapped. Irritation nipped at the edges of their eyes and clouded over their mind with incessant buzzing, “I have two days to finish this. You can bother me when this is finished.”

They hated the way he recoiled. His eyes dimmed and hand retreated from them as if touching a flame. He was getting on their nerves. Distracting them. The kids were distracting them. If they all could just be quiet for five minutes, maybe they could get something done…

It didn’t help that their roommate kept bothering them at home. They struggled to snag a can of energy they’ve been using to stay away, the contents sloshing against the sides as they downed the rest of the sickly sweet substance, “I’m taking my break.”

Fifteen minutes to run to their car for a cigarette. They needed it. The nerves were too bad. Hands ripped at the car door as they approached it, fishing at the floor for the open pack of cigarettes they bought yesterday already half smoked. They wrestled one from the package, sparking the light a few times before taking a deep inhale that coated the side of their throat and burned their lungs in that familiar buzz. The first drag was really starting to hurt. They hacked gobs of smokey exhale and saliva that rejected the tar like syrup that mixed upon it.

Two days to finish… They were almost done… Two days to finish…

—

Thursday…

Sun was incredibly annoying today. Wouldn’t let them finish anything. Not to talk about Moon harassing them with blankets from beyond the desk. The attendants didn’t have to work on this, nor could they. They furiously typed away at their keyboard, hand bumping into a handful of empty assorted cans meant to keep them awake whilst they emptied the remains of their current pack of cigarettes. They couldn’t remember how many they’ve had…

The second the smoke hit their lungs, they couldn’t help the fit of coughing that erupted from them.

“Hey,” The thing inside tentatively approached, “are you doing…”

What?

Their eyes turned to the figure that hovered above them, bright white eyes and rows of pearly teeth baring at them from beneath curved lips. Their racing heart began to painfully beat in their ears. The buzzing began to ring whilst the creature in front of them grabbed their wrist.

“Don’t touch me!” They screamed, slapping away the claws that threatened to pull them away from the blue light of their computer screen.

Their roommate backed away from Them. Mumbling searing every ripple in their brain. Their eyes drooped again. One thirty two am… Blink. One thirty six. Blink. One thirty eight. Their roommate was gone but the creature remained, flickering in the shadows just out of view. Eyes smoldering and bleeding red. They fished another can from the many packages they purchased… when? They popped the can open and downed a bit of the bitter liquid. The creature was gone.

—

It took them a minute to find their uniform as their alarm blared throughout the room. Little snakes slithered away from their feet as they grabbed a pair of them before sliding them on their feet. The monster was sleeping in its room. They were safe. The spark ignited the happy stick and they happily wheezed that happy gray smoke.

Blink. They were in their car.

Blink. The stoplights have been red for too long.

Blink. The daycare desk is just a few steps away…

The darkness echoed every step they took over the rippling colorful sea. Their feet was sinking into the water, they were moving too slow, the ocean was swallowing them, run, run, run.

Their flailing limbs clattered to the ocean's hard surface, hands flailing for the daycare desk- They were drowning!

Hands dug into the rippling colors beneath them in desperation, the searing pain from the cold water sloshing around their brain with the happy gas.

They gripped the side of the desk and pulled themself to the chair. The ocean was gone and a padded floor remains.

Happy gas… Their hand fished for a cigarette only to find an empty pack.

“No, no, no,” they echoed, “I need to stay awake. I need to finish.”

Their hands plunged into their backpack, the wave of empty cans and packages accompanied by a desperate cry they didn’t recognize coupled with a burning pain in their throat. No happy sticks. Awake. Awake… The can crumpled under the pressure of their convulsing grip while the tab broke off under the desperate rip they made at it.

“No, no, no!”

Red eyes flood their view and claws descent upon their lifeline with a vulture upon prey. The creature- the monster! They wanted them to fail! They screeched at the silvery monster that descended upon them, hands bruising upon its metal body in furious rage. It was killing them. Claws sinking into their stomach as it pushed them to the ground, deep crimson waves spilling from the ribboned flesh seams and their vital organs squashing against in the growing pool that enveloped them.

The monster would come with them. They reached for a dangling… Something of it’s and retched it with all the might they could muster. The clawed hand ripped their hand away, sinking its other hand into the base of their neck. They were choking. The rich, bitter taste overwhelmed their tongue and throat as they violently coughed. The lights above pierced into them despite the shadows creeping in. Their body grew weak.

The creature's claws wretched their mouth open. Dropping in something sickly sweet before holding their mouth shut. It hurt. The way their jagged claws pressed into their cheeks. The rapidly dissolving ball that boiled on their tongue. Their prickling eyes flutter in a desperate attempt to stay open. Stay alive despite the blood that coated them. Where was the backpack on their lap? They needed another… They needed…

—

Their eyes cringed at the blinding light that screamed at their closed eyelids followed by a ferocious headache that echoed off every surface of their brain. Where were they? What were they… The monster! Protesting eyes pried themselves open while desperate hands patted at the nonexistent vital wounds to their abdomen. Holy shit there was no way that was a dream.

“When was the last time you slept?” Sun’s stern voice was unmistakable, dim optics absorbing their cringing form with scrutiny. Every part of their body ached with even the slightest movement, “or had proper food for that matter!”

“Good morning to you too Sunspot,” they croaked, only to wince at the intense dryness that shredded the inside of their throat, “you wouldn’t be too bothered to fetch me a glass of water, would you best buddy?”

Their work was due today.

“Fuck!”

“Language!”

“I have to submit the event plans,” they shot out of the makeshift bed beside the security desk, “shit I wasn’t finished what time is it?”

Two forty eight am. Saturday.

A pit of despair welled up at the base of their throat.

“The event- the kids… How did I get into different clothes? Why? What happened?” Their voice wobbled, desperate eyes capturing Sun’s form with water in hand.

“Drink this.”

“But-”

“No buts!” The daytime attendant tipped the cup to their lips, “Moon and I finished compiling your plans and sent them to management ourselves. We changed your clothes because you needed it. And since you decided to completely neglect yourself to pursue this ridiculous overload of work by yourself, you attacked Moon in a moment of… pure exhaustion.”

There never was any monster. Only Moon’s warm optics and gentle hold as he was desperately forced to get them to sleep.

They opened their mouth to speak but Sun beat them to it, “You should have asked us to help you. This was a careless decision with your life and you treated us poorly because of it.”

“I’m sorry Sun-”

“No sorry.” those pale optics fixated solely upon them as they took a long awaited sip of water, “never do this again."

“I wont…”

#fnaf dca #writing #dcabeeteamh24 #gifto #plz enjoy c:#fnaf

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